Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zeb: I lost Ezra.
Kanan: How did you LOSE Ezra?!
Zeb: To be fair, he is very small.

Sabine: I have very high standards, you know.
Ezra: I can make spaghetti...
Sabine: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

Zeb: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my speeder?
Kanan: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Hera, deer!"
Zeb: ...And what did Hera do?
Kanan: ...She said "Yes, Honey?"

Ezra: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

Kanan: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Hera: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to her knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Kanan: That one. I want that one.

Hera: Isn’t it a bit dangerous?
Kanan: Hera, please. We’ve been in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Hera: ...
Kanan: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.
Hera: ...
Kanan: Alright, we escaped unhurt once... Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.

Hera: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Kanan: Is this your plan B?
Ezra: Technically, this is plan P.
Kanan: Plan P? Is there a plan M?
Ezra: Yes, but I marry Sabine in plan M.
Sabine: I like plan M.

Sabine: Trouble at 2 o'clock!
Ezra: *looks down at his watch*
Ezra: Now, how do you know that?

Hera: I'll offer you some friendly advice-
Zeb: I don't want your advice.
Hera: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Chapter Text

Kanan: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed.
Ezra: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Kanan!

Ezra: I drink to forget but I always remember.
Sabine: You're drinking orange juice.

Kanan: Act natural.
Ezra: For this kind of situation, the most natural thing would be to panic, so technically I can panic.
Kanan: NO, that’s not what I meant! Act like it’s a normal day!
Ezra: My ‘normal’ days of late, consist of a lot of panic.
Kanan: Will you just cooperate?
Ezra: When a person is panicking, they are not apt to cooperate very well!

Hera: Remember, if you get captured, no matter what they do, don’t talk!
Ezra: What if they torture us?
Hera: Just don’t talk!
Ezra: Can we scream a little?

Hera: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Ezra: Mine just says "Ezra no."
Hera: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Ezra: Who wants to make fifty credits?
Sabine: How?
Ezra: I need someone to take the fall.
Sabine: What did you do?
Ezra: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Kanan, from the other room: Oh my stars.
Ezra: ...
Kanan: OH MY STARS!
Sabine: Make it a hundred.
Ezra: Deal.

Kanan: Do you love me?
Hera: We’re literally married.
Kanan: Yeah, but as friends or—

Hera: I've got a weapon, and I'm... admittedly VERY afraid to use it!

Zeb: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

Ezra: Oh Zeb, we have a visitor!
Zeb: Don't tell me it's Hera.
Ezra: It's Hera.

Chapter Text

Zeb: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
Kanan: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Zeb: Th-that's not how that works-

Ezra: *runs up to doors*
Ezra: Be careful, Sabine! These doors say "Blast Danger"!

Kanan: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day—
Ezra: *Bursts into tears*
Kanan: Why are you crying?
Ezra: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

Zeb: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.
Hera: Please never become a surgeon.

Sabine: Did it hurt when you fell-
Ezra: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-
Sabine: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Ezra: ...
Sabine: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Zeb: Okay, if we can't do it by sheer force, we'll do it my way.
Ezra: But your way is sheer force!

Hera: Why are you drinking, Kanan?
Kanan: I don’t drink anymore, so don’t start with that.
Hera, holding an empty water bottle: So why was this under your bed?
Kanan: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Hera: NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!

Zeb: Some people are like slinkies.
Sabine: What?
Zeb: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Sabine:
Sabine: Please don't push Ezra down the stairs.
Zeb, pushing Ezra down the stairs: Too late.

Ezra: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.
Sabine, blushing: Okay.
Hera: It's kriffing summer.

Kanan: Hera! I can't do this stupid math!
Hera: What’s the math problem?
Kanan: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.
Zeb, covering Ezra's ears, while Hera smacks Kanan upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth.

Chapter Text

Kanan: Alright Sabine, Zeb. Let's go over this one more time.
Kanan: If something breaks?
Sabine: We try to fix it before Hera gets back to the ship.
Kanan: If it doesn't work?
Zeb: We blame Ezra.
Ezra: Seriously guys, what the kriff?!

Hera: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Zeb: Pros and cons of dating me.
Zeb: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Zeb: Cons. Karabast, where do I begin-

Kanan: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Hera: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Kanan, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Zeb: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Ezra: Which movie are you and Kanan going to see tonight?
Hera: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Kanan wants.
Ezra: Which one does he want to see?
Hera: I haven't decided yet.

Kanan: I like your new pants!
Hera: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Kanan: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Hera: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.
Kanan: Thats’s… not what I meant.
Hera: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Kanan.

Sabine: Wow, Ezra, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.
Ezra: We literally slept together yesterday.
Sabine: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Sabine: *sucking on a popsicle*
Hera: Pfft, you practicing for when Ezra gets here?
Sabine: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*
Hera: *Concern*

Zeb: Dammit, you ruin everything!
Ezra: You're welcome.

Chapter Text

Ezra: I just want someone to take me out.
Sabine: On a date?
Kanan: With a sniper gun?
Zeb: Both if you're not a coward.

Sabine: I desire moisture.
Ezra: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

Hera: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
Kanan: Like it slips on and off really easily.
Hera:
Kanan: No, I didn't mean it like that-
Sabine: We know what you meant.

Sabine: Is this gaslighting? Am I being gaslit?
Zeb: If I were gaslighting you, you’d never know it.
Sabine: Is THAT gaslighting?
Zeb: Shut up.

Kanan: Hey, Ezra, are you free on Benduday? Like around eight?
Ezra: Yeah.
Kanan: And you, Sabine?
Sabine: Umm... yes?
Kanan: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Sabine: Did he just-

Ezra: Why aren’t you sleeping?
Sabine: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Ezra.
Ezra:
Sabine: ...The nightmares.
Ezra: *wrapping his arms around Sabine* Awwww, cyar'ika-

Sabine: *double checking supplies in the Phantom* Holomap. Comlink. Medical supplies.
Hera: Hot dog costumes!
Sabine: I’m sorry, what?
Hera: You know, in case we get lost in space, and one of us, probably Zeb, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Zeb hates hot dogs, so he probably won’t eat us.
Sabine: Are you saying that Zeb would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Zeb: I do hate hot dogs.

Zeb: Oh karabast!
Zeb: Excuse my vulgarity.
Hera: I’ll let it slide.

Ezra: I will send my army to attack!
Ezra: *releases a dumpster of loth-cats*

Sabine: Stop doing that.
Ezra: Stop doing what?
Sabine: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the kriff out of you.

Chapter Text

Ezra: Guess what I'm about to get!
Zeb: On my nerves.

Ahsoka, upon learning how Sabine used the Force: So you’re not Force-sensitive?
Sabine: Well, not really.
Ahsoka: You’re just a liar.

Kallus: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Zeb.

Sabine: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.
Ezra: I’m “a couple of things”.
Kanan, with Ahsoka: We're “got distracted”.

Kanan, about Kallus and Zeb: My stars, would you two just get a room already?
Kallus: Excuse me, Kanan?
Kanan: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?
Zeb: ...
Ahsoka: I ship it!
Ezra: CAN YOU NOT?

Zeb: I’m a reverse necromancer.
Kallus: Isn’t that just killing people?
Zeb: Ah, technically.

Hera: I love you.
Kanan: Me too.

Rex: Tell me a little about yourself.
Kallus: I'd rather not, I really like this group.

Rex: I’m having salad for dinner!
Ahsoka:
Rex: Well, fruit salad.
Ahsoka:
Rex: Actually, it’s mostly grapes.
Ahsoka:
Rex: Okay, it’s all grapes.
Ahsoka:
Rex: Fermented grapes.
Ahsoka:
Rex:
Ahsoka:
Rex: It’s wine.
Rex: I’m having wine for dinner.

Kanan: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

Chapter Text

Ezra: So, what is Hera to you?
Kanan: The reason I wake up every morning.
Ezra: ...That’s adorable.
Hera earlier that morning, barging into Kanan′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Hera: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Sabine: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Zeb: We yell, 'oh karabast.'
Ezra: ...That'll work.

*The Spectres' cooking skills*
Hera: *master chef*
Kanan: *knows a few recipes*
Ezra: *can follow instructions on a box*
Sabine: *made toast once*
Zeb: *banned from the kitchen*

Hera: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people-opener”?
Sabine:
Sabine: …Should I not have?

Rex: You look mentally ill.
Hera: I am. Let’s go.

Kallus: If you want my advice-
Hera: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.
Kallus: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, he’s also tried to kill me.
Zeb: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Zeb: Sabine, I know you snuck out to see Ezra last night.
Sabine: If you tell Hera, Kanan or Ahsoka, I swear I’ll murder you, and they’ll never find the body.
Zeb: Five credits?
Sabine: Fine.

Kanan: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SITHSPIT!
Kallus: ...

Ezra: I am a responsible adult!
Hera: *raises brow*
Ezra: I am an adult.

Chapter Text

Sabine: Seriously, all you do is complain.
Zeb: I happen to complain the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

Ezra: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.
Sabine: What makes you say that?
Ezra: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?
Sabine: Ezra... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?
Ezra: *screams in anger*

Ezra: Compliment me.
Kallus: You have eyes.
Ezra: Yeah, that works.

Hera: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Zeb: What's wrong with you??
Hera: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
Ezra: No, he means other than that.
Hera: Ohhhhhh.
Hera: I haven't slept in 4 days.

Hera: Are you having another depressive episode?
Sabine: A depressive episode?
Sabine: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

Zeb: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Ezra: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Sabine: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Rex: I joined you in the dumb stuff.
Kallus: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Hera: Why are Sabine and Ezra sitting with their backs to each other?
Kanan: They had a fight.
Hera: Then why are they holding hands?
Kanan: They get sad when they fight.

Ezra: Sabine's refusing to wear her glasses!
Sabine: Ezra, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.
Sabine: *points to Hera* Hera.
Sabine: *points to Kanan* Kanan.
Sabine: *points to Zeb* Wookiee.

Ahsoka: I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood.
Ahsoka: I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040, and the 0 key doesn't work that well, so I punched it in wrong. And the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404".
Ahsoka: And I actually laughed out loud.

Rex, to Kallus: If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me.

Chapter Text

Kanan: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Hera: Hi.
Kanan: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

Kanan, talking to Hera: Well Hera, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Ezra do that?’ and if he would, I do not do that thing.
Hera: …
Ezra, from a distance: He's not wrong though!

*Zeb is fighting a monster*
Kanan: Just stay calm! You already have everything you need to beat it!
Zeb: The power to believe in myself!?
Kanan: No, a bo-rifle! Stun it!

*probably not long after A New Dawn*
Hera: Why are you drinking?
Kanan: I drink when I'm depressed.
Hera: But you're always drinking?
Kanan: *smug grin*

Kanan: Don’t mansplain this to me!
Ahsoka: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!
Kanan: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

*at Kanan and Hera's wedding*
Kanan: What the hell were you thinking?
Rex: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
Kanan: You released OSTRICHES!

Zeb with a gun to Kallus' head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?
Kallus: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Kallus: Well, you know what they say: Can’t bake a pie without losing a dozen men!

Ezra: If you water water, it grows.
Kanan: ...What.
Sabine: No, no. He's got a point.

Kanan: Hera and I are no longer dating.
Hera: Kanan, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Chapter Text

Ezra: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.
Sabine: Forty five seconds?!?
Ezra: No! I said four TO five seconds.
Sabine, hugging Ezra: Too late.

Kallus: Come on, Zeb! How many times do I have to apologize?
Zeb: Once!
Kallus: ...No.

Rex: Have you heard of Murphy's law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong?
Zeb: Yeah, I have.
Rex: Have you heard of Cole's law?
Zeb: Is this a joke about coleslaw?
Rex: ...maybe.

Hera: You're such a dumbass (affectionate).
Sabine: Aww, you're such a whore (complimentary).
Ahsoka: How are you talking like that in real life?
Sabine: Witchcraft (derogatory).

Rex: You might not know this, Ezra, but I am a flawed person.
Ezra: I do know that.

Kallus, getting dressed for a formal event: Hey, do you think I can hang myself with this tie?
Ezra: Oh-ho-ho, no! You are NOT getting out of this the easy way!

Hera: Just say when.
Kanan: When.
Hera: I-
Hera: Now or later?
Kanan: Oh.

*after Jedi Night, in an AU where Kanan's body was recovered*
Ezra: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Kanan's coffin* -couldn't stay alive!

Hera: I'm never having a debate with Sabine again, she literally started her argument with "Riddle me this."

Zeb: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Chapter Text

Ahsoka: Rex has never seen Star Wars? Hera, the only people in the universe who haven’t seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars and that’s cause they lived them, Hera! That’s cause they lived the Star Wars!

Sabine: Would you take a laser shot for me?
Ezra: ...yes?
*Ahsoka angrily bursts into the room*
Sabine: *running away* Great, thanks!

Zeb: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza.
Ezra: So, you’re not going to share?
Zeb: I’m not going to share.

Kanan: If I didn't know better, Ezra, I'd say you were scared.
Ezra: Heh, scared?
*absolute silence*
Ezra: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

Hera: How long do you think it'll take?
Ahsoka: I don’t know, three or four.
Hera: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?
Ahsoka: Yeah, maybe five.
Hera: Five what?!

Ahsoka: Man, I’m gonna get fat if you keep feeding me all these chips and junk!
Rex: I’M NOT! I was eating them and you took them.
Ahsoka: You said I should try some!
Rex: I said they were good.
Ahsoka: That’s not how I heard it.

Kallus: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.
Kanan: It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.

Kallus: Please! Pretend I'm useful!

Ahsoka: Sabine, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Sabine: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Rex: *cocks gun* Go to bed. This is no longer a request, this is now a threat.

Chapter Text

Kanan: You want some leftovers?
Zeb: What are those?
Kanan: You've never had leftovers before?
Zeb: No, ‘cause I’m not a quitter.

Zeb: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence.
Kanan: ...Don’t you mean benevolence?
Zeb: No.

Ezra: Do you guys hear something?
Zeb: I hear the sound of you shutting the kriff up.

Zeb: We both look very handsome tonight.
Kallus: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Zeb: I couldn't take that chance.

Hera to Ezra: First rule of battle, kid... don’t ever let them know where you are.
Zeb, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!
Hera: 'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

Ahsoka: I am convinced Ezra and Sabine share a brain cell.
Kanan: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

*Earth AU where Hera is Sabine's mum? Idk*
Hera: What’s wrong?
Sabine: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
Hera: That’s not so bad; I write entire books.
Sabine: Yeah, but this has to be good.

Rex: Good morning!
Zeb: Bold statement.

Zeb: It’s too early in the morning for this.
*sent at 11:57 AM*

*While planning to break into an Imperial base*
Zeb: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"
Ezra: What?
Zeb: "Get Help."
Ezra: No.
Zeb: C'mon, you love it!
Ezra: I hate it.
Zeb: It's great! It works every time!
Ezra: It's humiliating.
Zeb: Do you have a better plan?
Ezra: No.
Zeb: We're doing it!
Ezra: We are not doing "Get Help!"
*A Minute Later*
Zeb, carrying Ezra: Get help! Please! He's dying! Help him! *throws Ezra at troopers, knocking them out*
Zeb: Ahh, classic!
Ezra: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating.
Zeb, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

Chapter Text

Hera: Are you drunk?
Zeb: Only on the spirit of Life Day!
Sabine: And the spirit of spotchka.

Ezra: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

Hera: Is this mistletoe?
Kanan: Uh, no, no, that is basil.
Hera: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.
Kanan: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Ezra, to Sabine: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

Ahsoka: Snow got me feeling some type of way.
Kanan: That's hypothermia.
Ahsoka: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Life Day.

Rex: And have you learnt anything this Life Day, Kallus?
Kallus: …Not really.
Rex: Nothing?
Kallus: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Life Day; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Life Day? Amazon. They have droids now! Little dystopian slaves delivering datapads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; it was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Ahsoka: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Kanan: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

Zeb: Here's a fun Life Day idea. We'll hang mistletoe but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is underneath!
Hera: We're not doing that.
Ezra: Mistlefoe!
Hera: Ezra, no-

Sabine: Uhh.. Ezra just asked if we want to…
Sabine: “Fell the mighty before their time and display their carcasses in our homes?”
Hera, not even looking up from her phone: He's asking if you wanna cut down Life Day Trees.
Sabine: Oh, that makes more sense.

Hera: I'd like everybody's attention. Life Day is cancelled.
Ezra: You can't cancel a holiday.
Kanan: Keep it up, Ezra, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Ezra: What's that supposed to mean?
Kanan: Hera, take New Year's away from Ezra.

Chapter Text

Ezra: Sabine isn't answering my messages.
Hera: Allow me.
Ezra: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Sabine: *replying to message* Hello.

Hera: Is... Is that meant to be on fire?
Zeb: No...not really.
Hera: Are you going to do something about it?
Zeb: Hm... nah.

Ezra: They say that the most valuable things cost nothing.
Kanan: They also say that being cheap is an annoying trait, so don't overuse that excuse.

Sabine: Hey Ahsoka, can you give me the opposite of these words?
Sabine: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Ahsoka: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Ahsoka: The kriffing satisfaction.

Sabine, holding a blaster: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Kallus, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please.
Ezra, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. Lothal Times Bestseller.
Ezra, now looking directly at Kallus: Go kriff yourself.

Zeb, knocking on the door: Rex, open up!
Rex: It all started when I was a kid.
Zeb: That's not what I-
Ezra: Let him finish!

Rex: *out cold on the ground*
Kallus: Oh no, do you think he's okay?!
Kanan, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Rex's face*

*a discussion about Lothal's seas and Kamino's oceans*
Kallus: Well, in my opinion the ocean is a soup.
Kanan:
Kanan: Do elaborate.
Kallus: What are needed for something to be a soup?
Kanan: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
Kallus: *Tilts head*
Kanan: The ocean is a soup.
Kallus: The ocean is a soup.

Ezra: I warned you.
Ezra: I'm perfect.

Chapter Text

Zeb: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*
Ezra: Hey, Zeb, how was your day?
Zeb: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Ezra* Fierfeking hell.
Hera, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Ezra: Sabine, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Sabine, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than her size: Spooky.

Kanan: When surrendering, Ezra is to hand the lightsaber over HILT first.

*after Droids in Distress, before Fighter Flight*
Zeb: When did you become a hero?
Ezra: Um… the moment I saved you from getting killed.
Zeb: You’re the last person on earth I wanted to rescue me.
Ezra: Well… sucks to be you, don’t it.

Sabine: Here’s the cold medicine you asked for.
Sabine: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*
Ahsoka: ...Thanks.

Kanan: Good morning!
Ezra: Is it? Is it really?

Kallus: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Hera: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Kanan: A realist sees a freight train.
Zeb: The train driver sees three karking idiots standing on the tracks.

Sabine: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?
Kallus: No.
Zeb: No.
Sabine: Didn't think so.

Rex: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Kanan: Comparing Kallus and Rex is like comparing apples and oranges.
Kallus: We’re both unique in our own ways?
Kanan: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.
Rex: Which one of us is the orange?

Chapter Text

Kanan: Who the kriff broke the toaster?
Sabine: It was Chopper.
Ezra: It was Chopper.
Zeb: Chopper broke it.
Chopper:
Chopper, in binary: ...YOU PROMISED-

Ahsoka: I like your top, Ezra!
Sabine: I have a name, you know.
Ezra: *sighs* Why. Why are you like this.

Zeb: You bought a taco?
Ezra: Yes.
Zeb: From the same truck that hit Chopper?!
Ezra, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help him.

*alternate AU where Clone Wars Characters vs Rebels characters for some reason*
Rex, writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."
Rex: THERE. Now send it.
Ahsoka: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-
Rex: JUST DO IT!
*later*
Sabine: So what does it say?
Ezra, reading the letter: He says he's going to "lick my...."
Sabine:
Ezra:
Sabine: Gross-

Hera: Does everyone know their job for today?
Ahsoka: Water the flowers.
Sabine: Vacuum the carpet.
Kanan: Wash the dishes.
Chopper, in binary: Pretend to be a wolverine.
Hera: Close enough.

Hera: I love saying 'kriff me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

Sabine: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Hera: Strong.
Ahsoka: Weak.
Chopper, in binary: An idiot, is what you are.

Kallus: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Rex:
Rex: I'm gonna tell him.
Kanan: Don't you dare.

Hera: You three, explain right now!
Sabine: It was Chopper.
Zeb: It was Chopper.
Ezra: It was Chopper.
Chopper:
Chopper, in binary: …kark.

Kanan: Go kriff yourself.
Hera, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch!

Chapter Text

Sabine: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
Sabine: That's why I own TEN guns.
Sabine: Just in case some di'kut tries to sneak in with a ladder.

Hera: That shirt looks great, Sabine.
Sabine: Thanks.
Hera: But I bet it would look even better on Ezra's floor.
Ezra: Are you hitting on Sabine... for me?

Rex: Zeb, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.
Zeb: Why? I'm fine on the stand!
*flashback to Testimony #1*
Zeb: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these laserbrains can understand.
Zeb, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.
*flashback to Testimony #2*
Zeb: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?
*flashback to Testimony #3*
Zeb: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.
Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

Ezra: I have yet to encounter a problem where a lightsaber didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Kallus: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Rex has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for him.
Hera: By forcing him to have fun at a party that he don’t want to be at?
Kallus: I knew you’d understand.

Sabine: Are you guys bringing anything to the party?
Kanan: Yeah, an empty stomach.
Ahsoka: My sparkling personality.
Zeb: A flagrant disregard for common decency.
Rex: ...
Rex: Chips.

Zeb: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Sabine: Hey, spaghetti, we’re having Zeb for dinner.
Kallus: What is wrong with you people?
Ezra: Shut up, chocolate.

Ahsoka: Truth or dare?
Hera: Dare.
Ahsoka: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Hera: Hey Kallus?
Kallus, blushing: Yeah?
Hera: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Kanan.

*Ezra is telling a story*
Sabine: Wow, Ezra, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!
Ahsoka: Romance?
Sabine: I have a crush on him.

Kanan: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Zeb: Sleeping is nice.
Kanan: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.

Chapter Text

Kallus: Am I a good person? No. But do I try to be better every single day? Also no.

Ezra: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why.
Zeb: Only if you also don't ask why.
Zeb: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of his bag*
Ezra: ...
Ezra, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

Sabine: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Kallus: And you came to me?

Kallus: Legend says that when you can’t sleep, it means you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.
Kallus: When I find out who you are, I’m going to punch you in the face.

*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Zeb: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Hera: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Rex: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
Kallus: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Zeb: *flips the board*

Kallus: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!
Hera: And here we have a capitalist.
Rex: Did you just-
Ahsoka: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of galactic history, xenolinguistic language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

Kanan: Even Kallus and I have been getting closer. The other day, he gave me half of his sandwich.
Kallus: I mistook him for a garbage can.

Kanan: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this shavit.

Kallus: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

*Everyone is standing around the broken caf maker*
Kallus: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Zeb: ...I did. I broke it.
Kallus: No. No you didn't. Kanan? Hera?
Kanan: Don't look at us. Look at Rex.
Rex: What?! I didn't break it.
Hera: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Rex: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Hera: Suspicious.
Rex: No, it's not!
Ahsoka: If it matters, probably not, but Sabine was the last one to use it.
Sabine: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Ahsoka: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the caf cart earlier?
Sabine: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Ahsoka!
Zeb: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Kallus.
Kallus: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Kanan: Kallus... Ezra's been awfully quiet.
Ezra: REALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Kallus, being interviewed: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.
Kallus: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Kallus:
Kallus: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Chapter Text

Hera: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?
Kanan: Making four accounts.
Hera, tearing up: Really...?

Ezra: And then they ran into my lightsaber. They ran into my lightsaber ten times.
Kanan: You mean you stabbed them?
Ezra: They ran into my lightsaber.

Zeb: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.
Kanan: How so?
Zeb: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.

Kanan: Hera.. I'm gonna cry!
Hera: Please don't.
Kanan, crying: Request denied.

Sabine: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.

Hera: Hey.
Kanan: Hey?
Hera: I can't sleep. :/
Kanan: I can. Goodnight.

Kallus: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?
Zeb: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Rex: I just had a long talk with Kallus and Kanan about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.

Ezra: Why are you talking to yourself?
Ahsoka: It’s called a soliloquy, laserbrain.

Kallus: What do we say when making bread?
Rex, glumly: That's the dough rising.
Kallus: And what do we NOT say?
Zeb, sadly: That's the yeast kriffing.

Chapter Text

Hera: You’re not jealous, are you?
Kanan: No!
Hera: Good, ‘cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Ezra: Hello, I'm Ezra. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

Ezra: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.
Hera, patting him on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Sabine: Stop failing.
Ezra: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!
Ezra: *Succeeds*
Ezra: Stang!

*the Ghost suffers a power loss*
Zeb: Karabast, the power went out.
Sabine: Don’t worry, I got this.
Sabine: *stomps foot*
Zeb: What-?
*Sketchers light up*

Rex: Alright, listen up you little fierfeks.
Rex: Not you Ahsoka. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Rex: Your problem is that you’ve got no common sense.
Zeb: I’ve got plenty of common sense!
Zeb: I just choose to ignore it.

Sabine: What the kriff? People actually tell their crushes they like them??
Ahsoka: What the hell do you do?
Sabine: I die? What kinda question...

Kallus: I've been expecting you, Rex.
Rex: How did you do that without turning around?
Kallus: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

Hera, turning to Kallus: Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

Chapter Text

Ezra: So what’s for dinner?
Rex: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise!
Ezra: …
Ezra: Is it soup?
Rex: I soup-pose it could be! *winks*
Ezra: Please, enough with the soup puns!
Rex: Wow, you’re soup-per mean.
Ezra: STOP!
*one hour later*
Ezra: It’s karking tacos?!?!?!

Rex: I’m gonna kill you.
Kallus: Get in line!

Rex: Your future self is talking poodoo about you right now.
Zeb: Jokes on him. I'll ruin his kriffing life.

Zeb: Wow. I keep stepping on a lot of crunchy twigs.
Kanan: Those are bones, Zeb.
Zeb: *looks straight up* Not if I never look down.

Rex, digging his grave: Long story short, this is my grave.......Want me to make you one too?

*Kanan and Rex are texting*
Kanan: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste. NONE.
Rex: I got spring water.
Kanan: NO!
Rex: With EXTRA minerals!
Rex: It’s like licking a stalagmite!
Kanan: DON’T COME HOME!
Rex: Mmmmmm, cave water.

Rex: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Hera: Wasn’t Ahsoka with you?
Ahsoka: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Sabine: I told Ezra to grab snacks for everyone.
Ahsoka, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Sabine, Ezra, and Rex raise their hands*

Hera: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Kanan: We could attack them with waffles.
Hera: I stand corrected.
Kanan: Just keeping things in perspective.

Zeb: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes...
Zeb: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.
Kallus: ...That took an unexpected turn.
Rex: So did their neck.

Chapter Text

Kanan: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)
Hera: What's that?
Kanan: Remorse code.
Hera: I'm even angrier now.

Zeb: *tapping fingers on table*
Kallus: *taps fingers back furiously*
Rex: …What’s going on?
Hera: Morse code. They’re talking.
Zeb: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … -
Kallus: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Hera: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Kanan: It was me...
Hera: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Ahsoka: Did you take out Sabine as I requested?
Ezra: Sabine has been taken out, yes.
Ahsoka: You have my grat-
Ezra: It was a great restaurant.
Ezra: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.
Ezra: Sabine proposed afterwards- we’re filing the wedding papers.

*The Spectres are about to do something dangerous*
Hera: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk?
Zeb: Go ahead.
Hera: Be careful.
Hera: Don’t die.
Kanan: *Holds back a laugh*
Zeb: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Ezra: Urrrgh…I’ve never felt so sick in my entire life…
Zeb: Ouch. That sucks, man.
Ezra: I feel like I’m dying… Whyyyy…
Zeb, under his breath: Because I want to go back to some peace and quiet in this ship.
Ezra: …DID YOU KRIFFING POISON ME-

Zeb: I haven’t slept in 72 hours…
Kallus: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia king!
Hera: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100.
Sabine: What the kark is wrong with you people.

Sabine: How do you tell someone their breath stinks?
Hera: Hey, I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.

Kanan, eating a meal: I poisoned one of our glasses… but I forgot which one.
Zeb: The way this dinner is going, I pray to the stars that it’s mine.

Ezra, in Sabine’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?
Sabine, knocking Ezra off: WHAT THE KRIFF?!
Ezra: Ow—
Sabine: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!
Ezra: I had a nightmare.
Sabine: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?
Ezra: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-
Sabine, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!
Ezra: That is not what I meant—
Sabine: Silence in the presence of your queen, who sleeps a lofty thirty five centimetres above the ground!
Ezra: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.
Sabine: Yeah, okay-
Ezra: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?
Sabine: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.
Ezra, gasping: The queen slept comfortably with a peasant in her bed!
Sabine: I did not consent to this-
Ezra, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!
Sabine, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-eleven, he’s got blue hair.
Ezra: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it.
Sabine: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me.
Ezra: Oh, maybe together we could—
Sabine: NO.
Ezra: Just to save water—
Sabine: No! You don’t even pay for the water!
Ezra: …Good point.

Chapter Text

Ahsoka: I mean, sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have.

Hera: This was almost a great idea.
Ahsoka: You just described 90% of our stuff.

Zeb: Why does Sabine always do the laundry so loudly?
Ezra: So everyone knows that no one helps her out in the house.
Sabine, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Ezra: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense.
Ahsoka: You’ll do it?
Ezra: Of course.

Ahsoka: Father, I have sinned.
Sabine: Daddy, I’ve been naughty.

Ahsoka: Breaking News, Sabine has disappointed us.

Ahsoka: What? I'm not aggressive!
Kanan: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
Ahsoka: Survival of the fittest, laserbrain.

Ahsoka: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Kanan!
Rex: So Kanan knows about this?
Ahsoka, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

Ahsoka, to Zeb: If you see Kallus, give him this message *makes a neutral face*
Ahsoka: He'll know what it means.
*later*
Zeb: Oh, and Ahsoka said to give you a message.
Zeb: *makes a neutral face*
Kallus: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.

Ahsoka: My expectations were low but holy kriff.

Chapter Text

Kanan, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!
Hera: Kanan, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Ezra, would you get Kanan some water?
Ezra: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank the stars, the water’s here!”?

*Ezra and Sabine are planning to break into an Imperial base*
Ezra: We need to distract the guards.
Sabine: Right.
Ezra: What are we gonna do?
Sabine: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their helmets' eye holes.
Ezra:
Sabine:
Ezra: Deal.

*Sabine is shopping with Ahsoka*
Sabine: Can I get a silenced pistol?
Ahsoka: If there’s one on sale.

Zeb: Ezra, why are you standing in front of the fan?
Ezra: I’m waiting for Sabine to look into our window when she comes home. When the fan is blowing on me, I look like a fancy supermodel.
Zeb: You want Sabine to think you’re a supermodel?
Ezra: Giving her eye candy is the least I can do. It’ll probably be the best part of her walk!
Zeb, sarcastically: You’re selfless.
Ezra: Thank you for noticing.

Rex: Sorry I’m late, everyone! I broke down on the way.
Hera: Oh no! Is your speeder okay?
Rex: …what speeder?

Zeb: What did you order this morning?
Kallus: What do you mean?
Zeb: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

*Star Wars McDonald's exists*
Hera: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

Ahsoka: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Hera: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Hera: KANAN IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Hera: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Ezra: Go kriff yourself.
Sabine: Come over here and kriff me yourself you coward!

Chapter Text

Kanan: *about Sabine and Ezra* They make a cute couple, huh?
Zeb: They certainly are standing next to each other.

Hera: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Kanan: I wrote you a poem.
Hera, already crying: You did?

Rex: So, Ahsoka, do you have a crush on anyone?
Ahsoka: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Ezra: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Sabine: You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Kallus: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Zeb: True, you can be really difficult at times.

Kanan: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.
Hera: You always act stupid.
Hera:
Hera: Wait...

Rex: *sees Hera and Kanan together*
Rex: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.
Zeb: You mean... you ship them?

Hera: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Sabine: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Kanan.
Hera, pointing her hot glue gun towards Sabine: You’re on thin kriffing ice.

Ezra: I love you.
Sabine: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
*Ezra and Sabine kiss passionately*
Kallus, to Zeb: You owe me 20 credits.

Ahsoka: Ooh, somebody has a crush!
Ezra: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Sabine I just think she's cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about her.
*Later that night*
Ezra, very much awake: Uh oh.

Sabine: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Ezra: Wow. He sounds stupid.
Sabine: But he’s not. He's really smart actually. Just dense.
Ezra: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Sabine: I guess you’re right. Hey Ezra, I love you.
Ezra: See! Just say that!
Sabine: Holy kriff.
Ezra: If that flies over his head then, sorry Sabine, but he's too dumb for you.
Sabine: Ezra.

Chapter Text

Kanan: You read my diary?
Hera: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Sabine: All snacks are gone.
Ezra: I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?!

Sabine, looking at her reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?
Ahsoka: Well, that's you.
Sabine: Me?! Is that what I look like?
Ahsoka: You don't know?
Sabine: Busy day.

Ezra: Hey, Zeb. These candies you gave me? They sucked.
Zeb: But you ate them all.
Ezra: I had to make sure they all sucked.

Hera: Hey, Kallus? I need advice.
Kallus: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

Rex: Kanan, when’s your birthday?
Kanan: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?
Rex: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Kallus: No.

Zeb: Hold on! I’m having one of those things... a headache with pictures.
Sabine: What the kriff?
Ezra: He's having an idea.

Hera: Why are your tongues purple?
Ezra: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Sabine: I had a red one.
Hera: oh.
Hera:
Hera: OH.
Kanan:
Kanan: You drank each others' slushies?

Kanan: Is it still visible? Where Hera slapped me?
Ahsoka: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.
Ezra: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.
Rex: A palm reader could tell Hera's future by looking at your face.
Sabine: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
Kanan: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

Chapter Text

Zeb: Where have you been all day?
Ezra: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Kanan: I made tea.
Zeb: I don't want tea.
Kanan: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Zeb: Then why did you tell me?
Kanan: It's a conversation starter.
Zeb: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Kanan: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

*Sabine and Ezra's house is on fire, but they don't know it*
Sabine: Damn, it's hot in here.
Ezra: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!
Sabine:
Sabine: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is.
Ezra: What?
Sabine: Second of all, we need to get the kriff out of here, NOW.

*Kanan falls over*
Hera: Kanan! Are you alright?
Kanan: Is that you, God?
Hera: What?
Kanan: It's just, you sound a lot more like Hera than I expected.

Ezra: Hold on, I can explain!
Kanan: Really? Can you now?
Ezra: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.

Zeb: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my datapad changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and I feel like that’s more accurate.

Ahsoka: Ezra, I don’t think I can handle any more of your moof milkery.
Ezra: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all moof milkered out!

Rex: We need a plan to beat them.
Ezra: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet loth-cat food.
Rex:
Ezra: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Sabine: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

Kallus: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Zeb: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Chapter Text

Ezra: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Hera, used to Ezra being dumb: Sure...
Ezra: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Hera: Okay?
Ezra: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Hera:
Ezra: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Hera: Woah, that one is a little-
Zeb, interested: No, no, Ezra, keep going.

Ezra: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by a spontaneous musical number.

Sabine: You’re giving me a sticker?
Ezra: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a loth-kitty saying “me-wow!”
Sabine: I’m not a preschooler.
Ezra: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Sabine: I earned this, back off!

Ezra: As a responsible adult-
Zeb: *chuckles*
Ezra: … As a responsible adult—

Ezra: I was just diagnosed with deez.
Kanan: Good, I hope it’s lethal.

Ezra: It’s time to turn this into a real business.
Sabine: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Rex: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
Kallus: I handle our accounting.

Ezra: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed.
Ahsoka: But you do know better.

Ezra: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* dank farrik *tries to stop spinning* karabast *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* KRIFF *falls out of chair*

Ezra: Where are you going?
Sabine: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!
Ezra: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!
Hera, knowing full well that Ezra got Sabine an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*

Ezra: Shut up, you’re messing with my train of thought!
Kanan: I thought you didn’t have a brain and now you say you have thoughts?

Chapter Text

Ezra: Aren’t you going to say “have a nice day?”
Zeb: I don’t care if you have a pulse, much less a nice day.

Zeb: I type how I think.
Hera: Odd that you type at all then.

Ezra: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Zeb: Kallus, wake up!
Kallus, half asleep: Five more minutes…
Zeb: You’ve been in a coma for two years!
Kallus: …
Kallus: Okay, two more minutes…

Sabine: Do I sound smart, or am I smart?
Ahsoka: You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest.

Zeb: What do you guys do when you're stressed?
Ezra: Try and calm myself down!
Ahsoka: Sleep.
Kallus: Get myself into even more stress, so that the first reason for my stress gets cancelled out.
Rex: I don't.

Hera: Kanan, you love me, right?
Kanan: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Ezra: Karabast, the printer broke while printing out Kallus's birthday invitations.
Zeb: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Ezra: "Kallus's birthday".
Zeb: So, what do they say instead?
Ezra: "Kallus’s bi".
Zeb:
Zeb: Works out either way.

Kanan: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Hera: No, we are mad.
Kanan: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Hera: No, we’re not!
Kanan: I am not a mind reader, Hera!

Sabine: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.
Ezra: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Chapter Text

Sabine: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

Sabine: I'm going to get myself some soup.
Ahsoka: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.
Sabine: Pfft, I won't burn myself.
*30 seconds later*
Sabine, entering the room: I burned myself.

Sabine, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies.
Hera: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?
Sabine: I have depression, what do you think?

Ezra, watching Kanan & Ahsoka panic: What's going on?
Sabine: Kanan is having a midlife crisis and Ahsoka is just having a crisis.

Ezra, to Sabine: I mean, I get complimented all the time-
Sabine: *starts cackling*
Ezra: I do!
Sabine: *laughs harder*

Kanan: You're violent.
Sabine: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Ezra: What does “take out” mean?
Zeb: Food.
Sabine: Dating.
Kallus: Murder.
Rex: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

Rex: "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
Sabine: ...
Sabine: What a stupid kriffing quote.
Sabine: I'm killing way more than two people, di'kut.

Sabine: Come on, Ahsoka. Nobody actually believes that Ezra is in love with me.
Ahsoka, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Ezra is helplessly in love with Sabine.
*Everyone raises their hand*
Sabine: Ezra, put your hand down.

Sabine: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.

Chapter Text

Sabine, about her loth-cat Murley: I can't believe there's a loth-cat somewhere in my house. Amazing feeling. Love loth-cats. And he's here, in my house! Somewhere! And I may encounter him! What a treat.

Ahsoka: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Ezra: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.
*Sabine walks in*
Ezra: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Hera: How did none of you hear what I just said?!
Rex: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Sabine: I got distracted halfway through.
Kallus: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Zeb: Can you keep a secret?
Kallus: Do you know anything about my life?
Zeb: No, I don't. Good point.

Ezra: Sabine won’t come out of her room!
Kanan: Just tell her I said something.
Ezra: Like what?
Kanan: Anything factually incorrect.
Ezra, shrugging: If you say so. *leaves*
Sabine, arriving moments later: Di'kut, did you just say Mandalore is a STAR?

Ezra: If Sabine and I were drowning, who would you save?
Zeb: You two can’t swim?
Ezra: It’s a hypothetical question, Zeb! Who would you save?
Zeb: My time and effort.
Sabine, overhearing: ZEB YOU WALKING SHABUIR!

Hera: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Kanan: Silence is golden.
Zeb: Duct tape is silver.

Kanan: You know, I really wish you’d just admit you made a mistake sometimes.
Ahsoka, stirring her caf: I prefer it with salt.

Ezra: Thought I was meowing back at my loth-cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Sabine meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

Chapter Text

Hera: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

Sabine: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Hera: Being a fish.
Sabine: Well, dank farrik.

*While the Spectres are in a battle*
Hera, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!
Zeb: Take it back now y'all!

Kanan: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Hera: What? Like J F K W S Q X-
Kanan: No, like, U R A Q T.
Hera: Awwww!

Kallus: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.
Hera: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

Hera: What are you planning to do?
Ezra: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!

Ahsoka: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?
Hera: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.
Ezra: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.
Kanan: Rock also defeats baby.

Hera: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Zeb: No.
Sabine: I did not.
Ezra: I may have actually forgotten one.
Rex: Also no.
Hera: Oh good, neither did I.
Kanan: *Exhausted sigh*

Hera: Bye Kanan! Bye Ahsoka! Bye Zeb! Bye Sabine! Bye Kanan!
Ezra: You said ‘bye Kanan’ twice.
Hera: I like Kanan.

Chapter Text

Sabine: How do Ahsoka and Rex usually get out of these messes?
Hera: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Sabine: Oh, to be a bored heir to the throne who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener.
Ezra: Oh, to be a cute gardener who secretly places roses in the heir’s room because he is in love with her.
Rex: Oh, to be the palace guard who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener up the wall for his secret deliveries in the middle of the night.
Hera: Oh, to be the heir’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other.
Kanan: Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending.
Zeb: Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the heir’s personal life and who dies of dysentery at age 23.

Zeb: Why do you hang out with me?
Kallus: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Zeb: …
Zeb: I feel a bit sorry for you.

Ezra: I’m a fool, not an idiot.

Ahsoka: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Kanan: I just wanna kriffing marry Hera!!

Rex: I don't want to fight you!
Zeb: I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

Hera: Is something burning?
Kanan, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Hera: Kanan, the toaster is literally on fire.

Ezra: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?
Rex: Put spaghetti in it.
Ezra: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.
Zeb: Put spaghetti in it.
Ezra: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.
Kanan: Put spaghetti in it.
Ezra: I am no longer taking suggestions.

Sabine: I want a bf.
Ahsoka: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

Ezra: Kriff you.
Sabine: No u.
Ezra: I'm down.
Sabine: You're like 2, what the kriff-
Ezra: I AM NOT 2!

Chapter Text

Kanan: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb stuff while completely sober too.

Hera: If karma doesn't hit you, I kriffing will.

Kanan: How the hell are you still alive?
Ezra: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Kallus: Okay, Hera, you were right! I was... Less right!

Sabine: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet?
Ahsoka: Why?
Sabine: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Kanan.
Ahsoka: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that.
Sabine: Ahsoka, you have opened my eyes.

Zeb: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about.
Hera: What are you passionate about?
Zeb: Sleeping.

*Earth AU, Ahsoka and Rex are in Paris.*
Ahsoka: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Rex: But...
Ahsoka: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Rex: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Ahsoka: Yeah.
Rex: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, 'Soka.
Ahsoka: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Rex: Okay, alright.

Kanan: I apologize for saying 'kriff' in front of Ezra.
Ahsoka: You just said it again.
Ezra:
Kanan: I am not a role model.

Kanan: Are you listening to me?
Ezra: *nods*
Kanan: What did I just say?
Ezra: *nods*
Kanan: ...

Zeb: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Hera: No, that's not how you make cookies.
Rex: FLOOR IT!!
Zeb: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Hera: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE GHOST DOWN-
Zeb: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE KRIFFING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Kallus: DO IT!
Hera: NO-

Chapter Text

Kanan: I am going to need you to swear-
Zeb: Kriff.
Kanan:
Kanan: ...swear as in promise.

Kallus: My only talent is being stress.
Kanan: Don't you mean stressed?
Kallus: No.

Kanan: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?
Hera: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

Kanan: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.
*Everyone stares at Kanan*
Kanan: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Sabine: As usual, Sabine has to save the day!
Kanan: As usual, Kanan has to hear about it.

Kanan: I couldn't do this without you, Ahsoka.
Ahsoka: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

Kanan: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.
Ezra: Ok.
Kanan: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

Rex: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Kanan: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will hit you.
Rex: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.
Kanan: ...

Kanan: I give up. I am so tired.
Ezra: Get the emergency supply!
Zeb: *carries Hera and places her in front of Kanan*
Hera: *smiles*
Kanan: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

Ezra: Didn't you die?!
Kanan: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.

Chapter Text

Zeb: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

Sabine: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Ahsoka: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

Ahsoka: Are you okay?
Hera, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.
Ahsoka: *Picks up an onion* What the kriff did you say to Hera?

Hera: I dropped Ezra.
Kanan: Hera, what the kriff.

Kanan: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Zeb: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Rex: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

*Spanish is a language in Star Wars*
Ezra: *Gasp*
Sabine: WHAT??
Ezra: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Sabine: *inhales*
Hera, in another room with Kanan: Why can I hear screeching?

Hera: I haven't seen Rex and Ahsoka for fifteen minutes now.
*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Rex and Ahsoka running after it in a panic. Hera doesn't look outside at all.*
Hera: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

Kallus: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three.
Kallus: One... two... three.
Zeb: ...
Kallus: ...
Kallus: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Ezra: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth.

Kanan: Look, last night was a mistake.
Hera: A sexy mistake.
Kanan: No, just a regular mistake.

Chapter Text

Zeb: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

Ezra: Zeb, is that legal?
Zeb: When there's no cops around, anything's legal!

Zeb: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward.
Kanan: I’m worried about you.

Zeb: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it.
Kallus: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.

Hera: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Zeb: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Hera: Not when you’re playing with Kallus, it’s not. He puts words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

Ezra: Look guys, I need help.
Sabine: Love help?
Kanan: Financial help?
Hera: Emotional help?
Zeb: Help moving a body?
*Everybody looks at Zeb*
Zeb: What?

Rex: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?
Zeb: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone.
Rex: Alright, so what would you do?
Zeb: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.
Zeb: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.
Zeb: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.
Zeb: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.
Zeb: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.
Rex:
Rex: Remind me to never allow you to have power.

*when the Squad drops food*
Rex: Eh, oh well.
Ahsoka: FIVE-SECOND RULE!
Sabine: KRIFF!
Ezra: *just gets more food*
Hera: *drops to her knees and mourns the food*
Zeb: *eats the food off the ground*

Ezra: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Zeb: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

Zeb: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass.
Kanan: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL!
Zeb: …Your point?

Chapter Text

*space gatorade exists*
Hera: Ew. What kind of tea is this?
Zeb: I boiled gatorade.

Hera: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Ezra: That was so hot, Sabine.
Sabine: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate di'kut and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Ezra: I'm so in love with you.

Ahsoka: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Ezra: I don’t want to talk about it.
Kanan: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.

Kallus: If you see me talking to myself, go away! I’m self-employed and we’re having a staff meeting!

Rex: I may be antisocial and unattractive.
Hera: ...but?
Rex: That's all.

Sabine: Did you miss me while I was gone?
Zeb: You were gone?

Kanan: Ezra...
Ezra: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a kriff.

Hera: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

Chapter Text

Kanan: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!
Ezra: Apparently, we're not.

Kanan: How come I'm the one getting caught all the time? It doesn't look good.
Ahsoka: When you become a Jedi Master, you can make the plan.
Kanan: That's just it! How can I become a Jedi Master if I'm always getting caught?
Ahsoka: At least you're a master...at getting caught.
Kanan: ...
Kanan: Very funny.

Ezra, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader!
Hera: I’m done with everyone’s sithspit.

Sabine: So I was just having a conversation with Ezra about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!
Ezra: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.
Sabine: Like... who the kriff put this hole here???? And why????
Ezra: Exhaust?
Sabine: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA.
Ezra: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole…
Sabine: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.
Ezra: We're onto something here!
Sabine: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.
Ezra: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
Sabine: His lightsaber does though.
*Ezra thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*
Sabine: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.
Ezra: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.
Sabine: Fair point.

Sabine: Oh, my stars. Do you know what this is?
Ahsoka: It’s a holobook. There’s a lot of those in here, this is the Jedi Archives.

Zeb: When do I get my own gun?
Hera: I wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.

Kallus: Kriffing fool. I knew you'd say that.
Kanan: Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?

*AU where for some reason, Rex has been captured by Imperials and taken to Kamino, likely facing death. Don't ask*
Rex: I used to live here, you know.
Kallus: You're going to die here, you know. Convenient.

Zeb: You've got a lot of guts coming here after what you pulled.
Rex: *visible confusion*
*Zeb approaches Rex slowly, and suddenly embraces him*
Zeb: *laughs* HOW YOU DOING, OLD BUDDY? SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!

Sabine: I'm a Mandalorian. Weapons are part of my religion.

Chapter Text

Zeb: We all have our demons.
Zeb, grabbing Kallus: This one’s mine.

Ezra: I am a ninja.
Zeb: No, you’re not.
Ezra: Did you see me do that?
Zeb: Do what?
Ezra: Exactly.

Kanan, on the phone: Oh, hey man! Sorry for accusing you of murder last week.

*space Starbucks exists*
Hera, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Ahsoka, who’s running the drive thru: …
Ahsoka: Tequila.

Sabine: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.
Ezra: These are handcuffs.
Sabine: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

Kallus: Zeb, is that my mug you’re drinking out of?
Zeb: No, it’s mine.
Kallus: It... looks just like the one I have...
Zeb: You don’t have one like this anymore.

Rex: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Zeb: The cow??
Rex: What????
Kanan: Zeb, W H Y???

Sabine: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Sabine: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Ezra: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out.
Kanan: Karking Zeb and Kallus were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

Hera: Life keeps kriffing me and I can't remember the safeword.

Chapter Text

Kallus: People always shoot down my ideas and I’m sick of it. Two sentences in and everyone’s always shouting “what the kark? That’s illegal!” and “You can’t do that!”. Like, c'mon, let me talk!

Rex: Please confirm to your knowledge that you are not a fully robotic being, were born an organic creature, and do in fact possess what many cultures would call a soul.
Kallus: What? “To my knowledge”? Do a lot of people not know if they’re robots?
Rex: Thank you for your confirmation.

Ezra: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Ezra: Violently practices.
Hera: Violently studies.
Zeb: Violently sleeps.
Sabine: Violently shoots pictures.
Rex: Violently boxes.
Kallus: Violently murders people.
Zeb: Violently worries about the previous statement.

Kallus: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Ezra, Zeb, & Kanan: Okay.
Kallus: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Ezra: Bold of you to assume I have money.
Zeb: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Kanan: Bold of you to assume I can die.

*The squad is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.*
Kanan: Get two more chairs!
Hera: They can get their own chairs.
Ahsoka: Make them fight for it.
Ezra: You only need one chair to beat them all with.
Rex: I would never be near children.
Kallus: Kill two.

Kallus: Shut it Ezra, I only shook your hand because I had to. We will NEVER be friends.
Ezra: Lets survive this together!
Kallus: I HOPE YOU DIE.

Hera: Live, laugh, love!
Kallus: Die, cry, hate.

Ezra: Ducks are better than rabbits.
Zeb: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.
Kallus: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.
Zeb: We’re not talking about flavour, Kallus!
Kallus: Flavour counts!
Zeb: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone?
Kanan: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier?
Zeb: Okay, but-
Kanan: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER?
Kallus: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!
Zeb: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, KALLUS!
Kallus: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, ZEB!
Ezra: I- Dank farrik-

Kallus: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.

Hera: What are you two arguing about this time?
Kallus: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!
Zeb: Cry me a table, Kallus.

Chapter Text

Ezra: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

Kanan: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?
Hera: Nope, there's 26.
Kanan: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T.
Hera: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one.
Kanan: You'll get the D later. ;)

Ezra: Why are you like this??
Kallus: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Hera: Why do you let me win when we race up the stairs? You’re the faster one.
Kanan: Erm... it’s nice to see your smile when you win!
*later*
Hera: He's probably just staring at my ass, isn't he.
Ahsoka: Yeah, probably.

Kallus: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

Sabine: To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you.

Ahsoka: Go big or go home!
Rex: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.
Ahsoka: I'm going big!

Kanan: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.
Hera: *looks over at Ezra and Sabine*
Hera: Is it “sexual tension”?

Zeb: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

Hera: I am not a whore, and, not that I’ve done the math, but, if I were, I’d be the super classy kind that gets flown to Mon Cala to stay in an underwater hotel.