Chapter Text
As the crew descended the stairs into somewhere beneath the park, an awkward silence hung over them like a sword held up by thread. One wrong word could cause them all to explode into argument, or Mario into tears. The only sound that could be heard was the many footsteps of boots and shoes descending the concrete steps.
When they all finally arrived at the bottom, a chill ran up Mario’s spine, and he hesitantly broke the silence to point it out. “U-Uhm, something about this feels wrong...” He muttered, and Four glanced at him curiously. “What do you mean?”
“I-I just- Um...” Mario hummed nervously in reply, unable to form words. Why couldn't he describe the weird feeling in his gut? Was it fear? Despair? Sorrow? Or something else entirely?
Tari noticed his sudden silence and patted him on the shoulder confusingly. “Don't worry, Mario. I'm sure that whatever is behind the door isn’t a threat.”
“Or too much of one, anyway.” Three added, gesturing for Four to open the door. Four nodded and opened the door, leading the crew into a wide open space, with only a lone office chair sitting at the end. A pedestal sat right beside it, bearing a pillow and a key. Three snickered as a smirk appeared on his face. “Are you kidding me? The key’s just sitting right there next to a flimsy old office chair! We're gonna be out of here in no time!” He exclaimed, walking towards the pedestal as he grinned. Tari stepped forward to stop him, but Mario pulled her back as she spoke. “Uh, Three, I don't think it's quite that easy...”
“She's right.” A hoarse voice replied from the office chair, and the crew shrieked in surprise. Three immediately jumped back and landed in Four’s arms, and the blue guardian held him tightly. Mario felt shivers run down his spine as his eyes widened in fear.
“Tisk tisk tisk.” The voice hummed, reaching out a black sleeved and gloved hand to grab the key from the pedestal and twirl it around his fingers. “You all are truly gullible people, I must say. Gullible, but devoted.” The voice praised, clutching the key tightly in his grip. Four dropped Three onto the ground to point at the chair the stranger was sitting in. “Alright, you asshole!! What do you want with Mr. Puzzles?!”
“Haven't heard you call him ‘mister’ since April.” Three commented, groaning as he stood up and brushed off his overalls. Four glared at him before turning his attention back to the figure in the office chair. “Just tell us what you want with him!!”
“Oh, I want nothing to do with the man.” The stranger answered, turning the chair around so that he would be facing the crew more directly. He wore a black trench coat and fedora paired with equally dark clothes, contrasting against his pale skin and icy eyes. Unlike his employees, nowhere on his outfit was a name tag, leaving him still a stranger to the crew. He twirled the key some more in his fingers as he grinned at the crew. Four scowled. “Then what do you want with him?!”
“Let's just say that Pill gets a little... Hungry at times. Normal customers don’t satiate her stomach, so...” The stranger left his sentence hanging by a thread, and the crew fell silent in realization. Mario clenched his fists so tightly, it looked like his nails would tear through the gloves. The stranger chuckled. “Glad to see you caught on quickly.”
“You've crossed the line from asshole kidnapper to full-on psychopath, you jerk!!” Mario shouted, pointing a finger at the stranger. Four was quick to back him up. “Yeah!! Feeding innocent people to that crazy beast of yours?! That's borderline psychotic!!”
“It is psychotic!!” Three added, glaring at the stranger. The host laughed. “Ohoho, you guys are smart, considering you like to use brute force. You could've very well easily bribed my employees to get past them, but nope!”
“To be frank, they charged at us first! We didn't have an option!!” Meggy yelled, and Mario kept his gaze firmly on the key in the host’s hands. As the crew argued and yelled at the host, the stranger kept twirling the key between his fingers, and Mario noticed that the glisten of the metal was slightly off. Keys don't usually reflect that much... Right?
“How about this, dear SMG4 crew.” The host began, standing up and attaching the key to a chain around his neck. “If you can get this key from around my neck before midnight, then I'll let you all leave.”
“Psh, ready!” Three scoffed, baring his fists to fight. Tari tapped his shoulder and showed him her phone. The clock read 11:45. Three cussed under his breath. “Fuck.”
“But. If you fail to get this key, then your sweet adware will be wire spaghetti for Pill.”
“My husband is NOT going to be turned into WIRE SPAGHETTI!!” Mario shouted, lunging at the host angrily. Luckily, Meggy and Tari managed to grab him before he could do anything reckless. The host laughed. “Ahaha, we’ll see about that.” The stranger raised his hand and snapped his fingers, and a dagger suddenly appeared in his hand as a loud ticking noise filled the room. The crew suddenly became tense, and Mario audibly snarled. With how angry he was, he was like a 150 pound chihuahua.
Bob, eager to see what Mario would do, shoved Meggy and Tari roughly, prompting them to let go of Mario while the Italian launched himself at the stranger. The host managed to dodge, stepping aside and letting Mario lunge into his chair and topple it. He spun his dagger. “This will be fun.”
The host suddenly ran for the crew bearing his dagger, raising it to slash Four across the chest. Luckily, Three managed to grab his arm and throw him against the wall before the blade could graze Four’s overalls. Four huffed. “Wow... Thanks dude.”
“No problem. Get that key, guys!!” He shouted, and Meggy pulled a mini-splatgun out of her beanie and charged, firing paint at the host while he ran around, dodging the bullets. Bob jumped straight on him with his swords, managing to cut his coat sleeve and slit his shoulder. The host growled. “That's not nice. This coat cost $400!!” He yelled, plunging the dagger into Bob’s shoulder. Bob yelped and stabbed the host in the gut, earning a shriek of pain.
While the crew fought the host, Mario slowly returned to his senses, sitting up straight as he looked at his legs, which were draped over the fallen office chair. Something shiny glistened underneath the seat cushion, and out of curiosity, Mario leaned forward to grab it. It was... A key?
“What on earth is this doing here..?” He asked himself, turning the key left and right as he watched the overhead lights dully shine off it. Unlike the key around the host’s neck, this one was a dull bronze color, and appeared slightly rusty, like it was older than the park itself.
Older than the park...
Suddenly, a gear clicked in Mario's head.
The key around the host’s neck was fake!
Mario burst up from his standing position to watch the crew fight for the key around the host’s neck. Mario's theory was proven about the one in his hands being real when the host chose to be reckless, only turning himself away from the crew rather than grab the key and pull it away from them. Mario grinned proudly, clutching the rusty key in his hands.
“Hey, host!!” He shouted at the group fighting, pausing the conflict as he raised the rusty key high up. The host’s eyes widened in shock. “I got your damn key!!”
“You weren't supposed to get that- AH!!” The host was suddenly shoved to the floor by Bob, and Four quickly grabbed the key off of the chain and crushed it like plastic. “You lying cheat.” He hissed, glaring at the host on the floor. The stranger cackled.
“So you caught me. But hey, that timer is still going, and you've got 5 minutes until the whole park goes kaboom!! Hahaha!!” The host laughed maniacally, and Bob, who had grown tired of his bullshit, gripped his sword tightly and plunged it into the host’s gut before backing away, leaving him pinned to the floor. “Let's get Puzzles out of his cage and get out of here!!” He yelled, and the crew quickly ran out of the room, with Mario trailing behind them. The host coughed out one final warning.
“Remember this, Italian; There will come a day that your precious lover will return to his roots, and nothing you say or do will ever pull him back up. HAHAHAHA!!”
Mario ignored his words and kept running. As the crew ran through the park, an automated voice spoke over the speakers: ”Attention staff and visitors, the park will be self-destructing in 4 minutes. Please evacuate immediately.”
A high shriek echoed across the park, and as the crew made their way closer to the arcade, they could see the various employees, such as Citrus, Bunny, Exubus and the others, like Lore and Tom and Mango, running for their lives towards the entrance to the park. Pill loomed over the entrance to the arcade, and waved a tendril to usher the crew inside. As they ran through the hallway towards Puzzles’ enclosure, Mario kicked the door down, and hurriedly looked around for the keyhole. Puzzles panicked. “What the hell is going on?! What was that sound over the speakers?!”
“Long story short, the park is going to explode!!” Three shouted frantically, and Tari yelled in a panic. “Mario hurry up!!”
“I can't find the keyhole- Got it!!” After some fumbling, Mario managed to open the cage door, and quickly pulled Puzzles out of the cage as they all began running for the exit. They could see Diego near the entrance to the park holding the doors open, urging the crew to go faster as the loudspeakers announced an ominous 2 minutes. “Hurry up, amigos!! ¡Vamos, vamos, vamos!” He yelled, and once they had all made it out, Diego slammed the doors shut. Now with the employees outside, they kept running, fleeing across the parking lot. Exubus was basically hauling Bunny and Citrus in his arms. Lore was dragging Tom behind her by the arm. Mango wasn’t really running, he was just going at a faster pace than walking. Poor dude.
As soon as the crew made it to Three’s van, Three slammed the doors open in a panic as he ushered everyone in. They could hear the loudspeakers count the seconds as everyone piled into the van, and in the heat of the panic, Mario tripped and fell right onto Puzzles’ chest when they made it in. With no time to readjust, Puzzles wrapped his arm around him, keeping him bound down while he swung his other arm over the seat, bracing them both as the van began to move. The tires screeched as they burst out of the park, and the van was filled with screams. Four shook his seat as he yelled. “Go faster!!” He yelled, and Three pressed his foot on the gas. “I'm going as fast as I fuckin’ can-”
”3... 2... 1.”
A sudden explosion sounded just miles behind the van, and the resulting shockwave made the car jerk forward, resulting in the van spinning around in circles on the road as the crew screamed. Mario and Puzzles held each other tightly. Meggy and Tari clung to their seats. Bob stabbed the floor of the van with his sword and clutched the handle for stability. Four and Three managed to hug each other through their seats as the car spinned, and when it finally came to a stop on the side of the road, the van was silent.
Three let go of Four’s arms and glanced back. “Is- Is everyone okay??” He asked breathlessly. They all nodded, and Puzzles’ expression flickered as he noticed a crack on his screen, and his dented frame. Seeing as these were minor injuries, however, he paid no mind to them. Mario slowly and shakily sat up. “Mama mia...” He huffed, and Puzzles gently pushed him off as he sat up. “Okay.. How- How far away from the park are we?”
“Uh..” Four glanced at his phone. “... 3 miles. The blast launched us 3 miles.” He breathed heavily, leaning back in his chair. Puzzles and Mario exchanged awkward glances before looking away from each other. As the van remained in silence, Three huffed and opened the door to leave. “Alright guys, everyone out. We’re checking for injuries.”
“Right, okay.” As the crew dispersed from the van, Pitches glanced at the remains of the park miles behind them, watching flames and smoke rise from the rumble in the distance. His screen flickered in worry. “I hope all of the employees are okay. They seemed really nice.” He hummed nervously, and turned his attention back to the crew as Three and Four checked everyone else for injuries. Bob has a few scratches and a jab in his shoulder from the dagger the host plunged into him. Mario had a bandaged slashed shoulder and a bruise from lunging at the office chair. Meggy and Tari only had a few scratches from the fight with Tari and Lore, and Three and Four had a few torn clothes. Puzzles’ screen was cracked near the top, and his frame was dented and his antennae were crooked and bent. Otherwise, though, everyone was fine.
Three sighed in exasperation. “Okay, everyone is alright. Why don't we just go home and patch ourselves up?” He offered, and everyone nodded. Puzzles and Mario lingered beside each other awkwardly. Four noticed this and pulled Mario forward. “Hey, dude, why don't you sit in the front?” He asked nervously, and Mario hesitantly nodded, humming as he circled around the front to hop into the front. Puzzles stared at Four in surprise, and Four smiled at him politely as he climbed into the back.
Once everyone was in the van again, Three turned the car on again, and began the drive home. Puzzles and Four sat next to each other, and Four sighed. “I'm sorry, Puzzles. I wanted this trip to help you and Mario forget about what happened, and something much worse ended up happening. I wanted to help...”
“Hey, Four, it's okay.” Puzzles interrupted, pulling Four’s hat off his head to ruffle his hair. Four blinked in confusion as he looked up at him. “Today was still fun either way, even with all of that nonsense happening. What matters right now is that we're all alive.”
“Heh... Yeah.” Four chuckled weakly, and Puzzles put his hat back on his head before crossing his arms boredly.
“... So... What did the host want with me anyway?” He asked curiously, and Four winced. “Uh... Nothing. He was just some sadistic asshole who wanted to starve you in a cage.”
“Oh. Ah well, it's better than exploding in the park.”
~
As the van slowed to a stop in front of the castle, and everyone stepped out, Puzzles groaned tiredly. “I don't want to spend the next hour and a half fixing my frame and screen.. Can I just go inside and lay down?” He asked groggily, his screen glitching as he yawned. Mario hummed a nervous reply. “Y-Yeah, you can go ahead and sleep. I'll just... Make myself comfortable somewhere else-”
“Mario.” Puzzles looked back at him as the rest of the crew approached the castle doors. Mario swallowed nervously as Puzzles approached him, crouching down to suddenly hug him closely. “Please... Let us have one night together.”
Mario’s face free warm as he hugged Puzzles back, a relieved smile appearing on his face. “Yeah, of course, amore.” He mumbled, taking Puzzles by the hand as he followed him inside.
Though, the sight wasn't pleasant.
The castle wasn't trashed, and morning was stolen, but instead, One and Two stood near the couch with their arms crossed and an expression of irritation. Two looked especially tired, but One seemed fine. The crew paused.
“... Oh shit.” Four mumbled as One grumbled. “Where have you all been?” He asked firmly, and Three rubbed his arm. “Well, uh, we just wanted a break from the scoutings, so we went to a theme park!” He answered with a stutter, and One scowled. “And you didn't bother to tell us?!”
“It was Four’s idea, not mine!!” Three quickly added, and Four glared at him angrily. “Way to throw me under the bus!! We just got our asses kicked by some deranged theme park host!!”
“You dragged us out of bed at 6 am to take us to that damned theme park!!” Three retorted, and soon enough, both guardians were engaged in an argument. One eventually stepped forward and pulled them down to his level by their sweaters, scolding them both loudly. Two, who was too tired to be angry, chose to analyze the crew’s injuries instead.
“Jeez, what happened to you guys? Did a rollercoaster crash or something?” They asked, and Puzzles sighed tiredly. “We’ll explain it tomorrow, I'm tired...” He hummed, leading Mario to the staircase and up to their shared bedroom. Once they had disappeared, One let go of Three and Four’s sweaters and scowled.
“Tomorrow morning, I'm dragging both your asses out of bed for some early scouting. If you pull this shit again, I will launch both of you into the remains of the God Box in the sky!!”
“One, chill out, will you? They've been gone for almost 15 hours and they look like they've been through a meat grinder.” Two explained, gesturing to their injuries. “Let them fix up and go to sleep, will you? You can scold them in the morning.”
“Tch. Fine.” One scoffed, breezing past the crew to leave. Two quickly rushed to follow him, patting Three and Four’s arms in half-hearted comfort before dashing out the front door. Four sighed in exasperation. “Ughhh... This is gonna be fun.”
~
Meanwhile, upstairs, Puzzles and Mario finally had some time alone.
Mario was holding his lover’s dented head as he gently traced the crack on his screen with his finger, an expression of concern on his face as Puzzles let his fans whirr slowly, letting his head heat up to warm Mario’s lap. The silence, for once, wasn't awkward.
Eventually, Puzzles broke the silence, sighing deeply. “Mario... I know you might have questions.” He mumbled, and Mario lifted his hand from the cracked screen. “Um... Yeah.”
“And we should probably talk about this a little further... To clear up some misunderstandings that you might've conjured.”
“Mhm.”
“So how about this; We can spend the next hour or so talking about our space apart to clear some of the fog, and then after that, we can cuddle and go to sleep. How does that sound, love?” Puzzles gazed up at Mario expectantly, and Mario smiled. “Yeah... I can do that.”
“Okay. Just remember this, okay?” Puzzles sat up and kissed Mario on the head, a light zap of electricity tickling his skin. Mario giggled. “I love you, dearest. I would never intend to leave you.”
“I know, amore. I love you too.”
“Good..” Puzzles sighed, pulling Mario into a solemn hug.
The situation of their relationship was certainly solemn, neither of them could deny it. Puzzles needed space alone and Mario would have to grant him that. But in the end, they were still husbands, who loved each other deeply.
They wouldn't stay separated for long.
Right?