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It all happened so fast. Nobody could’ve expected it, especially not Dave himself.
They didn’t tell him yet, weren’t planning to, simply because they knew how fragile Dave’s heart really was, how easy it would be to shatter it to pieces, never could it mend again.
By they, one could mean James.
It was his fault, wasn’t it?
He did listen to all the tapes, he did pick his favorite, he did engage in the termination process.
It doesn’t matter that Lars was the one to even suggested it, that Lars was the one to call the new guy, all that matters was that James actually said yes.
He did say that, didn’t he? He agreed, it was supposed to be like that.
Kirk would come to rehearse with the band while Dave was away, and then they’d call him to say that he’s out of the band.
Simple as that.
But was it really that simple when Dave came home early, only to find out a stranger in his place, already he did know what was happening.
His heart felt heavy in his chest.
It was planned all along.
He should’ve listened to what was happening in the front of the U-Haul instead of squirming in pain with a shard of rust in his eyes, begging and wailing to be taken to the nearest hospital.
He should’ve just seen the signs, how distant everyone was getting.
He should’ve known.
He found himself shouting, screaming his lungs out, storming out the door back into the rain and cold, trying to suppress the growing feeling of despair and betrayal in his heart.
He didn’t care if anyone would go after him, he didn’t want to care.
But James did. He didn’t want to leave this unresolved, he couldn’t just let it end like this, could he?
He had to crawl back to Dave like he always did.
Even if it meant to make a fool out of himself.
“Dave, wait! Wait up- I’m sorry, okay?! I- Ah.. I didn’t know you were coming early! I’m- I’m sorry!”
James called out, panicked, watching the redhead walk away.
He could walk a thousand more miles, but his legs were already giving out, even his own body was betraying him, he was left stumbling and sputtering.
Dave didn’t even turn around, didn’t even look at James, he didn’t want to ever bear the burden of looking back at his sorry face. “No, you’re not.”
Dave spat, the cold, freezing rain suddenly felt scorching hot on his skin, James’s voice sounding almost distorted in his ears, the rose-tinted glasses were cracking.
“I am!” James wailed, protested weakly, and unceremoniously fell to his knees, his chest heaving as he reached out for Dave, his the claw of his hand desperately trying to grasp something that is no more. “I’m- I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Dave, you have to understand!”
Hot tears poured down his cheeks, still, he kept looking at the redhead’s back, hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, he’ll change his mind.
Maybe he’ll turn around, pick him off the ground, tell him that he’s an utter joke and take him somewhere, away from all the mayhem. But Dave was further and further ahead of him, no matter how far he crawled behind him.
He’s really doing this. He really did it this time.
“Dave, please..” James cried, the pavement digging into his palms, the salty burn of tears in his mouth making it all seem so unreal, like that feeling when you’re too drunk, swaying on your feet and trembling, throwing up and wishing you wouldn’t have taken that bottle, or when you’re all alone in the middle of nowhere, ugly crying and screaming, mad at the world itself, but nobody ever stops by and asks if you’re okay.
Dave couldn’t bear it, his own eyes, too, were glassy and raw. Where will he go? Who will he be if not James’s?
He gave in.
He turned around, facing the love of his life, facing the betrayal. “Stop crying, just- just stop it!” Dave hollered, grasping his hair as a way of self relief, as if the physical pain could overshadow the mental damage.
“You did this all to yourself, and now you’re crying?! I don’t want this fucking life anymore, let me go already! You were about to, I fucking know it!” But James didn’t listen, he couldn’t let all of this go just now, or ever. “Dave, you have to listen, I just want to-“
“I don’t care what you want, just let me do something by myself for once, if you’re so keen on replacing me the moment I’m not around, you fucking liar!” Dave screeched, finally turning his back to James again. He sniffled, wiping away the tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “..Just- Just let me go.” Dave murmured, voice cracking, speeding his walk up.
He could feel the cold biting on his face, he had to get out of here, he had to be anywhere but here.
James was still behind him, kneeling on the ground, sobs wracking his body, calling out for Dave to come back in that pathetic, broken voice only Dave could ever know, still not giving up, the rain pouring hard, unforgiving. “Dave!! no, no, no! Please, please, come back! Dave, please.. It’s not over yet, please..”
He wailed and cried. His whole world was shattered, everything that he had was gone.
“It’s not-.. It’s not over.. It’s not over yet..”
He cried and cried, but he didn’t even protest against the arms that picked him up, the voice that shushed him, and the hands that dried his tears. He didn’t care. Even with Lars, Cliff and Kirk, he was still alone. Completely and utterly alone.
—
“It can be hard.. Letting someone go.” James heard Cliff say.
“But it’s for the best, isn’t it? Ask Lars, he’ll tell you all about it.” Cliff continued, wrapping a blanket around James’s shoulders.
James was a shivering mess, too long out in the cold. He didn’t say anything, his teeth chattering, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
“..I fucked up so hard.” He eventually murmured, a small sob escaping his lips.
He really did it this time.
“I know what he meant to you. I’m not blind nor stupid. But you agreed on this. It’s too late to take it back. We have a new guy, just give it a shot. It’ll hurt less once you realize that this is for the best.”
…
“I’m sorry, James.”