Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Thanksgiving was supposed to be a quiet affair for the 118’s A-shift this year. Most of them were scheduled to be working the actual holiday, but managed to get a few consecutive days off leading up to it. After all the drama that had taken place earlier in the year nobody felt the need to organise a huge, over-the-top celebration and Maddie agreed wholeheartedly. She just wanted a comfy and low-key night of peace, quiet and home-cooked food.

Bobby, Athena and the kids were flying out to visit Michael and David for a couple of days. They hadn’t seen each other in ages and at this point it was hard to say who missed whom more. Of course Michael missed his children (Maddie could only imagine how much), but Bobby was also close friends with him and no matter what else happened: Athena and Michael would always be family. Not to mention she’d need David to back her up when her husband and ex-husband inevitably found themselves in a situation^tm again.

Eddie also got on a plane to finally see Christopher in person again. Phone calls, texts and facetime only got them so far and he hoped to have an actual conversation with his son about his living situation while he was there. The Diaz parents were happy enough to hear about his visit to El Paso (as was his abuela), but Christopher was harder to read. Either way, at least Eddie would get to actually see his kid. Or at least that was how her brother had relayed the newest developments on that front to Maddie.

She and Chimney had decided to do a small joint celebration with the Wilsons on Tuesday, so the kids could all see each other. Jee-Yun missed having Mara around and over the past year and a half – ever since Maddie and Hen had their heart-to-heart about the engagement – their two families had grown closer together beyond just Hen and Chimney being best friends for life.

And then she also invited Buck over last minute. Originally her brother had intended to spend as much of his free time as possible with Tommy, but. Well. That wasn’t happening now. Nobody had been successful in coaxing the reason for the break-up out of Buck yet. The only thing they got out of him was that it was over, no it was not a mutual decision, Tommy was the one who dumped him. Why did Tommy do that? “I’ll tell you as soon as I figure it out myself.” A statement which only opened up more questions instead of answering them if you were to ask Maddie.

So yeah. All in all it was supposed to be a quiet and peaceful night. But when had that ever worked out for them?

The trouble started when Chimney came home from his shift much later than anticipated on Saturday. He had actually texted her about that in advance so she wouldn’t worry. They both remembered their wedding day all too well. Or more precisely, Maddie remembered their wedding day all too well, Chimney’s memory of the events leading up to the ceremony was still very fuzzy actually. Point being that Chim knew better than to drop off the grid without warning. Maddie was in the middle of wiping off the kitchen counters when she eventually heard the jiggling of keys and closing of the front door. It was after 10 pm already and she knew that Chim had only been on shift till 6. She kept listening, hearing the ruffling of Chimney putting his jacket and shoes away, and only looked up when she heard soft foot steps rounding the corner.

“Hello there my beautiful wife. Sorry I’m late”, he greeted her and pressed a soft peck to her temple. The smile came to her almost as a reflex. The excitement over being somebody’s wife again had come as a surprise to Maddie. She didn’t think it would make her feel this giddy after the first time, but as per usual Chimney took her by surprise.

“Hello to you too, my handsome husband”, she grinned and kissed him back, a real kiss on the lips this time. “Have you eaten yet? There’s some casserole in the oven. And new loaves in the fridge, dates and vanilla-lemon this time”, she sighed.

“Hm, tempting. But uhhh. I already ate, actually.” He smiled sheepishly, pulling up his shoulders a little.

Oh, Maddie knew that look: She had just caught him red-handed. But red-handed doing what? She threw the cleaning rag into the sink, crossed her arms and raised a single eyebrow. Chimney was going to spill in three, two, one-

“Okay, so don’t be mad”, he started.

“Oh my god, what did you do?”, she asked with undisguised horror in her voice and her eyes widened.

“Nothing!”, he exclaimed with equally wide eyes and his palms lifted in defence. “Well. Not nothing maybe, but nothing bad I swear.” He let out a huff. “Okay, so Buck showed up at the firehouse with another batch of cookies yesterday and then proceeded to bake even more when we had some downtime between calls. However, he still refuses to tell us anything else about the break-up. So it got me thinking. I know Buck’s your little brother, we’re all somewhat protective of him and Tommy did hurt him. But if Tommy had done anything really bad then Buck would probably tell us, right? He’d complain or rant or whatever. He definitely wouldn’t be worried about Tommy or want to call and text him all the time. To be honest I don’t think he has really processed the break-up yet at all and I keep thinking that maybe I could help if only Buck would talk to me. I mean, I’ve known both of them for ages. But since Buck won’t talk- well. Tommy isn’t exactly an open book, but I thought maybe this once he might be the talkative one out of the two. So I called Lucy to ask if he was on shift and when she told me he wasn’t-”

“You decided to meddle”, Maddie finished the sentence and nodded.

Chimney shrugged and grimaced. “Guilty as charged.”

“Hmm”, Maddie hummed deep in thought. On the one hand she was pretty sure Tommy had broken her little brother’s hard and her husband playing buddy-buddy with him did not exactly spark elation on her part. But on the other hand Chim had a point. Buck wasn’t talking about the break-up, he wasn’t moving on and they were all suffering the consequences in the form of more sweet bread than anyone could eat. “Alright”, she said after some consideration and nodded: “So was your meddling attempt successful?” She tried not to laugh at how relieved her husband looked when that was the extent of her reaction.

“A little? I went over to his place with some pizza and beer. He was home, let me in and everything. But alas, he also refused to talk details about the break-up. Just said that it wasn’t Buck’s fault and that he was sorry. We ate and watched a movie, exchanged some work stories. Still, I wouldn’t call mission recon a total failure. I now know that they’re both miserable messes. Seriously, I don’t think Tommy has had a good night’s sleep in days and he cried a little when the couple got back together at the end of the romcom and he thought I didn’t notice. Wasn’t even a good romcom, some Netflix original from a couple of years ago.”

“Huh”, Maddie narrowed her eyes and tilted her head: “So Buck didn’t want the relationship to end, he was broken up with and yet he still thinks about Tommy constantly. And Tommy in turn is also crushed and doesn’t think Buck did anything wrong. Neither of them want to talk about it, but they both obviously miss each other.”

“Exactly!”, Chimney exclaimed and waved his right hand around excitedly: “It doesn’t make sense. At first I thought they might’ve just wanted different things. Like, they still liked each other but broke it off anyway because they wanted different futures. I’m pretty sure Buck wants to “properly” settle down at some point. Marriage, kids, white picket fence, apple pie life.”

Maddie smirked a little at her husband using actual air quotes and commented: “Well, he did make apple pie last week, so he still has that at least.” It wasn’t a particularly good joke, Maddie was aware of that, but Chimney beamed at her anyway.

“True that. But I thought about it and it still doesn’t add up. For one, Tommy is secretly a huge romantic. He acts all tough and cool, but all of his comfort movies are romcoms and his favourite song is “Somebody to love” by Queen. He has perfected that karaoke performance over the past 20 years. Also it’d be too easy an explanation. If it was as simple as “he wants kids, I don’t” then they would just say so. No, something more complicated is going on. The one thing I do know is that they’re both still pining. Intensely.”

“Hm”, Maddie hummed and smirked again: “And whatever are we going to do about that?”

Chapter Text

When Chimney showed up on his doorstep Tommy was sure he was about to be yelled at. When the man instead invited himself in and set down a big pizza and a six-pack on the dining table he was sure he was at least about to be interrogated. When they sat on the sofa after dinner and he noticed that Chimney had noticed him crying at a random romcom he was sure he was about to finally be confronted. But Chimney tactfully ignored Tommy’s small emotional outbreak and didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t even mention Evan at all and as thankful as Tommy was for that it also left him suspicious. Had Evan not told his family that Tommy dumped him? Chimney was Evan’s brother in law, why was he being so nice to him? Shouldn’t he be on Evan’s side? Or did Tommy just overestimate how much this sudden break-up would impact Evan? Maybe it wasn’t as big of a deal to his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – as Tommy had expected.

The thought stung. Not that he wanted Evan to be in pain, but even if they were never meant to last their relationship still meant something, right? Even if they didn’t have an epic love story for the ages he was still the man who changed Evan’s life and made him realise a lot of things about himself and that was special in its own way, right? Maybe Evan had simply moved from “hurt” to “accepting the truth” faster than anticipated. Maybe he had seen that in the heat of the moment Tommy may have looked like “forever material”, but with a few days worth of distance had come to realise that he had just been caught up in the excitement of it all. Yeah, that was probably it. At least it would explain Chimney’s nonchalance about hanging out with him.

So when his friend called him the next day to invite Tommy over to his and Maddie’s house for dinner on Tuesday (“I know you’re off shift, don’t even try it!”) he took that as Chimney making an effort to not let their friendship fizzle out again like it happened last time. If Maddie felt comfortable with having Tommy at her house then that was probably a good sign, too. It would be a little awkward, maybe a little painful even spending the night with Evan’s family and being reminded of the could’ve-beens, but Chimney was trying to be a good friend despite the circumstances. He should at least appreciate that. Plus, it’d get him out of the house and distract him from the fact that once again he’d be spending the holiday season more or less alone.

Tommy was off work both Monday and Tuesday. He spend a lot of that time home alone in varying states of undress, watching old romcoms and soaking in self-pity. Tuesday morning finally forced him to go outside and interact with the world when he ran out of coffee. For a staggering 30 minutes he actually contemplated if the detriment of a caffeine-less existence weighed heavier than the herculean task of getting dressed and going all the way to the store. His caffeine addiction won and luckily his trip to the supermarket was uneventful for the most part. He was going to be on shift Wednesday night to Friday morning, so he only stocked up on some of the basics. Pasta, canned tomato sauce, bread, peanut butter. Out of habit he almost grabbed the unseasoned tomato sauce – Evan preferred to add herbs and spices himself even when they were aiming for a minimum effort lazy meal. (“They never get the ratio right. Too much oregano and sugar, not enough garlic and basil. It’s much easier to just do it myself entirely than to figure out which ingredients they skimped on.”) Tommy caught himself just in time and went for the brand he used to buy before Evan instead. The weight of the can felt wrong in his hand and he doubted he’d be in the mood for tomato sauce anytime soon. He ground his teeth and set the object down in the basket. It still felt too heavy, but he powered through and made it a point to pick out a pasta shape Evan never would’ve approved of. (“What kind of sociopath thought penne lisce were ever a good idea? They’re too smooth, where’s the sauce supposed to stick to?”) If this wasn’t proof that he was actively trying to move on then what was? Triumphantly he marched up to the register, exchanged some friendly small talk with the cashier, paid and held his head up high all the way home. He was a functioning human being who had his life under control, moping was a thing of the past. It took him an hour to realise he had forgot to buy the coffee and, well, nobody needed to know that he spent lunchtime crying into a bowl of sad, bland pasta.

A few hours, another hallmark romcom and an outfit change later Tommy found himself driving to the Han residence. He had been there once before for a game night / double date and he had always had a good sense of orientation, but this part of town was still a little unfamiliar. It was a quiet road, not busy at all, and the buildings lining it left and right were big houses meant to be lived in by big families. A lot of the houses were festively decorated and gave a warm, cosy impression. Everything about it made Tommy feel out of place. Maybe he should’ve turned down Chimney’s invitation after all. Maybe the pizza night the other day had just been a testing of the waters while Maddie picked out a pretty shovel. Before he could stress himself out any more their house came into view. Having made up his mind he found a parking space a little down the road and confidently walked up to the front door. It was going to be fine. He could do this. He took a deep breath and knocked.

What he had not expected was for Hen to open the door. Why was Hen there? Why were there children – plural – running around? Why was Karen walking up to them offering Tommy a glass of wine and a smile? Had he got the date or time mixed up?

“There you go!”, Karen commented as he accepted the wine and ushered him inside: “So, we don’t have any actual turkey because that’s usually Bobby’s job and he and ‘Thena are not attending this year. Nobody else was brave enough to even try and attempt that. But we have a pretty good spread, there’s salads, mashed potatoes, beans, pot roast, wings and some other stuff. Drinks are either in the fridge or outside on the terrace. It’s a buffet situation, so just help yourself to whatever you feel like.”

“Uhm… Thanks. I think.” Tommy looked around confusedly. He hadn’t quite registered everything Karen had just said, but it appeared he was crashing an event of some kind. There was decorations and everyone was dressed nicely, plus the “buffet situation”. He was pretty sure Chimney had said Tuesday, but then again maybe it was Chimney himself who got the dates mixed up? “I’ll just go and find Chimney. It’s only proper I say hello to the host upon entering his house”, Tommy got out after some consideration.

Hen grinned at his wordy comment. “Hm. Wouldn’t want to forget our manners, would we?”

Her wife elbowed her though she couldn’t suppress a soft chuckle herself. “I’d try the kitchen”, she supplied helpfully: “He really likes the pot roast. You should get your hands on that while you can.”

Tommy smiled awkwardly. The feeling of not-belonging he had already felt driving down the street had multiplied tenfold since stepping into the house. He had absolutely no idea what was going on and he hated it. He was pretty sure though Karen had mentioned a turkey (or the absence of a turkey?) just now. Chimney wouldn’t invite him to a thanksgiving family dinner without telling him, right? Actually, why would he invite him to a family holiday celebration at all? They were friends, yes, but not that kind of friends.

He tried to shake off the heavy thoughts, more interested in finding the man in question and figuring out what was going on. He stepped further into the house, entering the dining room. Maddie was sitting at the table and finishing a helping of mashed potatoes and beans. She smiled when she caught his eye and waved. “Tommy! I’m happy you could make it! Come on in, grab some food.”

He was about to greet her back when several things happened at the same time. Karen and Hen sat back down continuing a previous conversation. Tommy caught sight of Chimney who was indeed coming over from the kitchen with a plate of pot roast. The children, Denny, Mara and Jee-Yun, ran past them through the room yelling words that sounded vaguely like Latin? Chimney’s eyes lit up briefly before flitting from Tommy’s face over his shoulder to the general direction of the front door which Tommy heard falling shut a couple of seconds later. Then a very familiar voice called out cheerfully: “Alright, I’m here and I brought the pie!”

Evan. Of course Evan was here. This was his sisters house on the evening they’d decided to celebrate thanksgiving. It was very normal for Evan to be here. It was probably less normal for Tommy to be here though. He stared at Chimney, trying to lay as much betrayal into his expression as possible and judging from the guilt on the man’s face he got the message.

“I have apple pie, pecan pie and of course pumpkin pie. I know you said to only bring two, but come on. You can’t have friendsgiving without at least one pumpkin dish and-” Evan’s voice came closer and then cut off abruptly. He must’ve spotted him, Tommy guessed. Great. Just great.

He slowly turned around. Evan looked- well, he looked like Evan. His face was a little flushed, probably from rushing over here, but otherwise he looked well. His hands were rather tightly holding on to a stack of pies. Like someone had pulled the rug from under his feet and he was desperately clinging on to whatever might offer a hint of stability. Tommy could sympathise with that.

“Tommy.” He barely suppressed the urge to flinch. The last time he had heard Evan say his name it was spoken with fondness. This time it sounded cold. Not even angry or hurt, just… Empty. Devoid of emotion, positive or negative. “I didn’t know they invited you.” Evan’s eyes shifted to Chimney who he assumed was still standing on the other side of the room.

“Yeah well”, Tommy snapped: “Neither did I.” Witty replies were probably not going to help the situation, but the words were out before he could think better of it. He also turned his gaze to Chimney. “Or at least I didn’t know what I was invited to”, he added in a tone somewhere between bitter and cynical: “Someone conveniently left out the part where this was a family thanksgiving event and not just a casual hangout between two friends.” Chimney uncomfortably shifted his weight from one foot to the other while both Tommy and Evan scowled at him. You could’ve heard a pin drop in the dead silence of the room.

“Oh my god, he tried to Cupid them”, Karen eventually whispered to her plate and sent a wide eyed look to her wife. Tommy had kind of forgot that while he, Evan and Chimney had formed a triangular stand-off around the dining table there were in fact still people sitting at that table. And it didn’t look like Karen and Hen had been in the know about this- Plan? Scheme? Conspiracy?

“You- you invited him. To the 118 thanksgiving dinner. With- without knowing if either of us wanted this?”, Buck asked. His face looked like he was well on his way working his way through the five stages of being ambushed by a friend.

“Pretty sure he knew we didn’t want this”, Tommy quipped: “Why else would he have plotted this in secret?”

“Would you please stop trying to be funny?”, Evan snapped at him: “I-it’s not funny and I wasn’t talking to you.”

Fair enough. If the dread in Tommy’s stomach left room for anything else, maybe he’d be angry too. Right now though he just felt like he really, really didn’t want to be here. He shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t even have come to begin with.

“I should go”, he voiced his thoughts calmly, taking a step back: “I believe you meant well, Howie, but your family holiday is hardly the time and place, so. I’m gonna leave.”

Chimney opened his mouth, but Evan beat him to it and scoffed. “Yeah, you do that. You’re good at it”, he snarled without even looking at him.

Tommy wasn’t going to lie, it hurt. He understood why Evan would say that, but what had he expected Tommy to do after the break-up? Have a spot of tea with him? Of course Tommy had left, what else could he have done?

He braced himself to say good-bye and apologise for the drama when Maddie interrupted him. “Maybe you should finish that conversation outside? Just. You seem to have stuff to talk about and you might want a little bit of privacy for that? There’s a bench on the back porch”, she supplied helpfully. Too helpfully.

Evan noticed it too and narrowed his eyes at her. “You knew.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. “You- You were in on this, you planned this- Maddie! Oh for fuck’s sake, can- can I not make any decisions for myself anymore?”, he yelled: “We broke up because Tommy said so, then I wasn’t allowed to call or text him because you guys thought it was a bad idea and now you’re trying to trick us into talking to each other after all? What is wrong with you? You know- you know what, I don’t care. Tommy can stay, I don’t care. I’m leaving.” He put the pies he was still holding on to down on the table and stormed off.

This was wrong. This was all wrong. First Tommy had crashed someone else’s family holiday and none of this – not the decoration or togetherness or the god damn buffet – had felt right to begin with, he was an intruder in this family and now the holiday had also been ruined for Evan. He sighed, looked at the others and made a decision.

“Buck. Wait”, he called out and took off after him. He caught up to Evan on the pavement outside. “Damn, your fast”, he commented under his breath before stepping in front of him, effectively stopping him.

“Get out of my way”, Evan demanded, though his resolve seemed to be crumbling because this time it did sound like a question.

“Listen, I get it. I thought I was just going to have a couple of beers with Chimney, maybe watch a movie and go home. I didn’t mean to ruin thanksgiving for everyone, so I’m leaving. I didn’t know about this ambush either and I don’t feel great about it. I do however believe they meant well and it’s not fair that you’re missing out because of this, so you should go back in”, Tommy said in an attempt to at least keep the peace among the 118 family.

Evan did not appreciate the gesture. “Oh, sure”, he sneered: “Please do continue to tell me what I should do. “You should go back inside, Evan. You should be making more experiences, Evan.”” Tommy flinched and Evan physically bit his tongue. He sighed and hung his head. “Sorry. I don’t- I don’t feel like fighting right now. I’m just tired and I want to go home. It’s not your fault, me leaving isn’t about you at all. I don’t like being lured here under false pretences by my sister who I thought would have my back. I’ll talk to her tomorrow, I promise, but I can’t- I can’t deal with any of this tonight. I’ll go home and, I don’t know, bake another pie or something. So will you please get out of my way now?”

Tommy nodded even though he wanted to do the opposite. What he wanted to do was comfort Evan, reach out, be there for him, make sure he got home okay. But that wasn’t really his place anymore, was it? He had given that away, willingly. So he kept his hands firmly by his sides and stepped back. It was what Evan needed. “Alright”, he said and even managed a small smile: “Good night, Buck.”

For a moment Tommy spotted a spark of defiance in his eyes and it looked like the man was going to say something else. Maybe call him out one more time and or start fight after all. But then Evan just shook his head, mumbled his own “good night” and got in his car. Tommy stood by the road for another ten minutes and stared after him.

Chapter Text

Chimney felt terrible. For a split second he had hoped that Tommy running after Buck like he had would lead to them actually talking to each other meaning their plan was working after all. But their conversation outside lasted less than a minute and then Buck was gone, Tommy following soon after. He looked at Maddie who was already pressing her phone to her ear and waiting for someone to answer, but she just shook her head, sighed and hung up.

“He’s driving”, she reasoned more to herself than anyone else: “I’ll try again in twenty, he should be at the loft by then.” She proceeded to frown at the screen anyway.

“Maybe this was a bad idea”, Chimney admitted into the silence of the room after a few seconds.

Hen scoffed. “Jeez, you think? Don’t answer that actually. What did you think was gonna happen?”

“Hey, it worked on you two, did it not?”, he countered as he sat down next to Maddie, putting a hand on her shoulder for support: “I set you up and tricked you into getting back together, my meddling techniques had a 100% success rate up until tonight.” He knew that despite his words he didn’t have much ground to stand on and the situations weren’t directly comparable. Forcing a confrontation between two exes was different than making one of them reconsider the break-up like he had done with Karen back in the day. Nonetheless he felt like his techniques or at the very least his intentions deserved a little defending.

“They aren’t ready”, Karen said in a very matter of fact tone and leaned forward in her chair: “From what I hear Buck has mostly been denying that anything is wrong to begin with and the basket full of muffins he brought by the house last week supports that assumption. And Tommy looked like he saw a ghost when Buck walked in. Besides, it’s not like either of them was about to get on a plane to take a job on the other side of the country. There really was no need to rush and trap them like this tonight.”

“Yeah, and who says they even want to get back together?”, Hen questioned and took her wife’s hand: “I know the break-up came suddenly and they’re both clearly still affected, but that doesn’t mean breaking up was the wrong decision. We don’t even know why they split up, maybe they had a good reason.”

Chimney threw his hands in the air helplessly. “I know, I know. This was obviously not my best plan. I just wanted to help. I dropped by Tommy’s the other day to check on him and he is not doing okay. And I thought if Tommy – the one who did the dumping – is this miserable and Buck is still trying to figure out how this even happened then maybe this is fixable, right?”

“And I get that.” Hen nodded and raised her eyebrows. “But we’re not the ones who can do the fixing. If Buck and Tommy want to give it another go then they need to make that decision and they need to fix it. In the meantime they need our support, not for us to conspire and lure them into traps.”

Damn Hen’s intense eye contact and correct opinions. Her no-nonsense attitude often came in handy, but the downside was that Chimney himself got called out on the regular as well. Usually he deserved it though.

“I think we over-corrected”, Maddie offered with a pensive, almost nervous look and put her phone down after another attempt at calling her brother: “Buck was so down and overwhelmed with all of this and I didn’t want him to spiral and, I don’t know, give up on love I suppose. So we suggested he start dating again and put himself out there. I kind of knew it was too soon, but it’s so important to get back in the saddle and not give up. When he wouldn’t go for that I thought maybe we could distract him and cheer him up with Jee instead which worked a little bit. And then when he wouldn’t stop his baking obsession even after weeks and Chimney told me that Tommy isn’t doing great either I thought maybe we had it all wrong. Maybe what Buck needs isn’t help to get over Tommy, he needs help fixing things with Tommy.” Her gaze drifted across the room and a frown etched itself onto her forehead.

“Oh Maddie. You and Buck do make quite a pair”, Hen observed: “He thinks he can and should always help everybody, too. He just frequently gets the “how” wrong.” She paused as her and Maddie exchanged small, tired smiles. “To be fair, I’m not completely innocent here either”, Hen continued: “Helping Eddie hold his phone hostage was just a joke, but in context it obviously felt worse to Buck. He made that part very clear. He’s sensitive like that and we know it. We should probably all just take a step back. Let him work through his feelings on his own time and be there for him when he is ready.”

Chimney nodded in agreement without looking up. He still had a plate with pot roast in front of him, but he wasn’t feeling very hungry anymore. Instead he pushed a carrot back and forth with his fork, thinking about Hen’s words. She was right of course, infuriatingly so. None of them were particularly good at ignoring a friend with a problem – helping out people in distress was what all of them did for a living and time was usually of the essence. Although Hen seemed to have a better impulse control about it. Or maybe that was just Karen’s influence, who could tell. The inexplicable break-up had also been like catnip to the gossipy streak most of them shared. Maddie’s pregnancy was still a secret and nobody was willing to touch whatever was going on with Eddie and Christopher with a ten foot pole, so… Well. The Buck and Tommy drama had been an irresistible opportunity for chatter.

He watched as Maddie tried to call Buck for the third time now without success. Her phone vibrated with an incoming message a few seconds later though and she let out a breath of relief. “He’s still pissed, but I think it’ll be okay”, she said and showed him the screen.

“Stop calling me. I’m home, I’m okay and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, but only if you stop calling”, he read out loud so that Hen and Karen were in on the loop. “That sounds promising”, he commented: “I should probably come with you though, I need to apologise too.”

After that they left the topic alone for the rest of the night, there was plenty of other stuff to talk about and the children demanded their undivided attention for a while there as well. Chimney wasn’t complaining though. It was strange not to have Mara in the house anymore and he enjoyed spending time with her and Denny. He couldn’t wait to have another pair of little feet running around with them and Jee-Yun. A quick glance at Maddie’s wistful expression told him that his wife was having similar thoughts. Damn. How did he ever get this lucky?

The next morning they dropped Jee off with the Lees and picked up breakfast to take to Buck’s loft with them. Maddie was driving and singing along to a blink-182 song while he texted Tommy. He deserved an apology just as much as Buck, but Tommy had always been a very private person who needed his space. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it if Chimney just showed up on his doorstep (again) and might not answer a call either. He wasn’t even sure if Tommy was on duty today. So, a text message it was.

>Sorry for last night<, he wrote: >I thought I could help, but obviously we shouldn’t have meddled and only made things worse. Are you alright?<

To his surprise Tommy texted back only a few minutes later: >All good, I was due for another session with Doctors Paper Tissue, Chocolate Cake and Rom-Com anyway.< Ouch. Chimney grimaced. Sarcastic Tommy did not pull his punches. He couldn’t even call him out for it since he had been the one who drove Tommy to what was probably yet another rewatch of Love Actually. His phone dinged with a second incoming text. >I do appreciate the thought. Not so much the execution though.<

He sighed. >Fair enough. I screwed up and will stay out of your and Buck’s business.< He saw the text go from delivered to read and watched the bubbles of Tommy’s reply appear and disappear, then appear again. He was starting to understand why this had driven Buck up the wall, especially when after a full minute the actual reply came through and it only contained three short words.

>Is he ok?< Well wasn’t that a loaded question. He could tell Tommy the truth. That Buck was one bad day away from quitting his day job to become a pastry chef. That he spent at least four hours of downtime during their last shift just staring at his phone without doing anything. That he almost started crying when he tipped over his coffee mug the other day. He could lie and tell Tommy that Buck was fine. That he hadn’t broken the other man’s heart and sent him for a tailspin. Would that make Tommy feel better or worse?

The car came to a halt when Maddie pulled over into a free spot and Chimney decided to do neither. >Nope, I’m done meddling. If you really want to know, ask him yourself.< He put his phone away and looked over to Maddie.

“Alright”, he said and grabbed the coffee: “Let’s do some grovelling.”

Chimney was genuinely surprised with how little grovelling was necessary. He was pretty sure that if they had pulled a stunt like this a few years ago Buck wouldn’t have talked to them for a least a couple of days. Buck valued loyalty and reliability above all else and they hadn’t exactly proven to be that with their meddling. Still, he was hesitant to call this a sign of character growth because the Buck who opened the door with a small smile, accepted their “we’re sorry” with a nod and quietly sat across from them at the table didn’t seem calm as much as tired. Physically and emotionally. Maddie apparently noticed it too, her voice turning even softer as she repeated her apology in more detail.

“We really are sorry, Evan. I know this break-up has already been hard enough on you and we shouldn’t just have invited Tommy, especially without asking you beforehand. When Chimney told me that Tommy was having a hard time, too, I thought we could do something nice for the both of you by letting him spend the holiday with us. But it’s only been a few weeks, it’s normal that you’re not over your fight and still feel angry”, she explained and carefully took Buck’s hand in her own. Chimney nodded along and sent Buck an empathetic smile.

The silence that settled over them could’ve been called peaceful and he was glad that Buck wasn’t angry with them anymore at least, but this quiet was so uncharacteristic for his brother in law (and by choice)… he didn’t trust it.

“There was no fight”, Buck admitted eventually. There was a rawness to his statement that made it sound like a confession. “He just- He left. I don’t think-” He sighed, breath shaky. “I-i-i don’t think he trusted me. Maybe- maybe he couldn’t. I don’t know. But there was no fight. He- he just said that it would- it would be for the best to end it now before- Well. He decided it was for- for the best and he left and there was no fight about it. He was sad, I think.”

“I’m sorry, Buck. Like Maddie said, we were trying to do something nice for the both of you. I’ve known Tommy for twenty years and I know for a fact he can be an asshole if he wants to, but with the way he was moping I figured it was just a misunderstanding. That maybe he didn’t mean to end the relationship entirely”, he told Buck: “That was my mistake, I shouldn’t have made assumptions.”

“It’s- it’s fine. No, really. I mean it. I-”, he doubled down at Chimney’s raised eyebrows. Buck paused, sighed. He leant back in his chair and lifted his hands in defeat. “I was going to run into him again sooner or later. A-and I know you guys meant well and it’s nice of you that you invited him to the Thanksgiving dinner. He’s your friend and you should be looking out for him. I don’t want him to be all alone and miserable for the holidays either. It’s just. Still fresh I suppose. Seeing him again… It got me so angry at the entire situation suddenly.” He frowned at his empty cup and started fiddling with it. “I don’t know, maybe I do want him to feel a little miserable actually. Not life-ruining miserable, but like a normal amount. Like. I- I hope the new probie at harbour says the q-word at least once. I hope every traffic light turns red just for him. I hope it starts raining when he’s right in the middle of a hike. I hope the Lakers lose every game of the season. I hope the Thai place on the corner gets his order wrong. I hope his car breaks down and he has to wait hours for the mechanic to get there. I hope the supermarket runs out of his favourite ice cream. I hope the radio plays all his least favourite songs.”

A drop fell and landed on the back of Buck’s hand. Chimney wasn’t sure when exactly he had started crying, but now the floodgates were open and the tears kept flowing. He tried to wipe the wetness away with limited success and Chim’s heart broke for him. Fuck. Tommy, you bastard, he thought. What did you do?

Buck took another shuddering breath and slowly let it out through his teeth. “I want him to be okay, happy even, eventually. But right now I hope he’s fucking miserable.”

Chimney was on his feet before the sob could properly leave Buck’s mouth. Maddie, always two steps ahead of him, had already rounded the dining table and pulled her brother in a tight hug. Chimney didn’t hesitate. Buck was his brother too and he needed him. So he wrapped his own arms around them as well and let Buck cry into his shoulder for as long as it took. It was the least he could do.

Chapter Text

The first week after the break-up Buck thought for sure Tommy was coming back. Everything had been fine, great even before that fateful night. They’d been going steady, spending almost every free night hanging out at either of their places, visiting Eddie or going to the movies. They’d always had a great time with a lot of laughter, good food and amazing sex shared between the two of them. Six months worth of dates and kisses and swapping jumpers and teasing each other about stupid shit and casual touches – surely one simple conversation (it wasn’t even a fight, just a calm conversation) couldn’t be the end of that? “I can’t move in with you”, was what Tommy had said. Not “I don’t want to”. Not “I don’t want you”. Tommy thought that for whatever reason Buck would end up being unhappy with Tommy, but Tommy still liked him, still wanted him. So he’d come back, right? He’d miss Buck and feel bad about dumping him and he’d come back. And Buck would forgive him and tell him that it didn’t matter if they moved in together yet and that all he needed was Tommy. They’d have steamy make up sex in the kitchen and everything would be fine. He just wanted Tommy back.

He entered week number two in a constant back and forth between doubt and frustration. Why hadn’t Tommy reached out yet? He’d seen him texting, then deleting the text. If there was something he wanted to say, why didn’t he? Was he scared? Was there something wrong? Maybe Buck had missed something. Maybe their relationship hadn’t been as perfect as Buck remembered it. But no, that couldn’t be right. Tommy would’ve said something if that had been the case. He’d spoken up about their disastrous first date and about the moving in proposition immediately. If there had been other problems in between then Tommy would’ve said something. So why hadn’t he reached out yet? Was Buck supposed to reach out first? Maybe he should reach out first. He almost did a few times, only stopped by two things: His friends and his pride. His friends meant well, they knew the break-up had hurt and confused him. They wanted to protect him even if Buck neither wanted nor needed their protection. As for his pride… well. Tommy had broken up with him. He had been honest, had told Tommy how deep his feelings ran, confessed to him that he wanted to build a life with him. And Tommy had shot him down and dumped him. Why should Buck be the one begging on his knees for another chance?

Week two turned into week three, his doubts turned into confused despair and the flour in his pantry turned into yet another soft bread. It was quickly becoming apparent that either Tommy had good reason not to call him or worse, he didn’t want to. Maybe Buck had been wrong. Maybe Tommy didn’t miss him at all. Maybe he had just moved on the way he thought Buck would. Maybe that was why Tommy had expected Buck would simply move on – because that was exactly what he was doing. Maybe Tommy was already out there, looking for something new, someone new. Someone he wasn’t convinced would break his heart eventually. Someone who wasn’t new to gay dating. Someone Tommy wasn’t afraid to be all in with. Maybe Tommy had left Buck's loft that night and never looked back and the bubbling was just because he found a stray charger or shirt he wanted to give back. Maybe Tommy had never intended for their relationship to be anything serious and Buck catching stronger feelings had ruined that plan.

The night before the friendsgiving dinner he stood in his kitchen and tried to make a lemon pie with a meringue topping. Maddie had explicitly instructed him to bring no more than two pies. Chimney had reminded him earlier that day at work that “two pies will be more than enough for seven people and a toddler and we still have some of that banana bread, don’t you dare”. There were two finished pies already cooling on the counter, but Buck was physically incapable of stopping. He had successfully pavloved himself into this new habit. The name “Tommy” crossed his mind and the next thing he knew he was elbows deep in another pie filling. He was almost impressed with the lengths his mind would go to to avoid thinking about him. Almost. He knew deep down that he was only delaying the inevitable. Because even with all the mean things his brain kept whispering about Tommy Buck knew Tommy was a good person. And if Tommy wasn’t coming back then that probably meant Tommy wasn’t the problem. If Tommy was happier without him and wanted nothing more to do with him then the mistake must’ve been with him. He had overlooked or misunderstood something, had jumped to the wrong conclusion, been impulsive, put his foot in his mouth. He had wanted too much or asked too much or just been too much. If Tommy wasn’t coming back it meant he had lost him for good. If Tommy wasn’t coming back he was alone again, back to square fucking one.

It took him a few seconds to register that the sting in his eyes didn’t come from the pang of sadness and guilt and grief alone. “Shit!”, he exclaimed and added another couple of colourful swears that he knew Tommy would’ve approved of. One look inside the oven told him that somehow he had managed to burn both the meringue and pie crust while the lemon filling was still liquid. It looked and smelled disgusting. Wrinkling his nose he quickly grabbed the kitchen towel and used it to get the pie out. In his haste he didn’t notice that the towel was the same one he’d also used to dry off some dishes earlier. It was one of the first handful of kitchen safety rules Bobby had taught him: “Always use a dry towel to grab hot things. The water conducts the heat much better and will turn into steam in a matter of seconds and that is a painful mistake to make.” Buck yelped and barely avoided dropping the half-baked lemon abomination on the kitchen floor. It landed in the sink instead, the liquid filling oozing out of the baking dish. Buck had never been particularly good at metaphors, but watching the upside-down, burnt, gooey disaster taken physical form slowly fall apart in his kitchen sink made him feel a certain way. “Shit!”, he repeated, but with much less vigour this time. It was more of a whisper than anything else. His eyes started to water again, his hands shaking. He stared for another ten seconds then he pressed his lips firmly together, turned to the cabinet and broke out the mixing bowl.

Then thanksgiving happened, but the anger, hot burning and insides clawing, dissipated almost as quickly as it appeared. It didn’t even last a full 24 hours. Everything Tommy had said the night of the break-up, all the emotions Buck had refused to think about in depth so far – it had all come crashing down on him the second he laid eyes on his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend in Maddie’s living room. He felt ambushed and overwhelmed and betrayed and Tommy – cool Tommy, composed Tommy, unshakable Tommy barely even seemed bothered. It was infuriating. It only occurred to him much later that night in the early hours of the morning that maybe Tommy was just good at hiding it. He knew Tommy had an amazing poker face. It was why he was so good at sarcasm. Buck loved sarcastic humour, but he was rarely able to pull it off himself. He usually lead with his face, he meant what he said, said what he meant and had a hard time being intentionally mean to other people. Even if it was only in the form of a small joke that came from a place of love. Tommy on the other hand? He was careful and intentional in his actions. He was in control of every word that left his mouth, he was quick-witted and took unexpected turns in stride. He had admired that about Tommy right from the start. Buck sighed and turned from one side to the other. The point was that he had no idea how Tommy was really doing. He had no right to make any assumptions based on one brief interaction and whatever theories his own brain cooked up. The smile Tommy had given him outside of Maddie’s house blurred with the look in his eyes right before he walked out of the loft and haunted his dreams that night.

In the morning, after only a couple of hours of sleep, he tried his best to make himself presentable before Chimney and Maddie arrived. He already felt a little better by the time they left again. Good company, a good hug and good food will do that for you. The one thing he did have clear for himself was that he was not going to call Tommy. He wasn’t angry anymore that Tommy hadn’t reached out after the break-up, but he was very much still hurt by what Tommy had said to him while breaking up with him. Maybe at some point in the future he’d want a better explanation, something that made more sense, but right now even looking at photos of Tommy just hurt and Buck wasn’t going to torture himself. Tommy had wanted to end the relationship and he did, he had walked away from Buck and stayed away and Buck was not going to chase after someone who had made it so clear he didn’t see a future with him. He was done thinking the worst of Tommy, assuming the break-up had been easy for him or that their relationship hadn’t meant anything to him, but he also wasn’t going to cling to something that was already over. He’d just stay away from Tommy, focus on recovering and make the most of the good things that were happening in his life.