Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

NEW TEXT MESSAGE

From: Dai 🌺

heeeey you should come over! :3 mom sent me some grocery money and im gonna make spam musubi

From: Anya 🌙

Have you made that for me before? :0

From: Dai 🌺
never! it's super hella easy to make though and we can try it together! i invited swansea too, but he's going ona  fancy date with his wife tonight.

i asked curly if he wanted us to come get him too, but he's been having soem bad pain days because the weather. so it'll just be us!

pleeeeeeaaaaassde?

From: Anya 🌙

Alright, let me feed Marigold.

------

The stormy weather made Anya thankful that Daisuke lived basically just across the street. The wind whipped her hair every which way as she crossed the apartment complex's courtyard. Marigold was fed breakfast and Anya had left the TV on some nature cam trail for her, so even if the rain picked up the cat would stay busy and Anya would be home in time to feed her dinner. Anya was lucky enough to live on the first floor, but Daisuke not so much; three sets of stairs to get to his apartment on the 3rd floor, but it was better than trying to get to Curly's sixth floor room at the assistance facility.

She got to his door, noticing he'd already put up a new silly doorhanger for the season (A flower with sunglasses this time, looking to be hand painted) before knocking. She heard music from inside, some kind of old rock- Swansea must have been rubbing off on him- and she also smelt something...peculiar. It wasn't food, she knew that for sure; if he was going to make spam musubi, what she was smelling was definitely not meaty enough to be spam, and not light enough to be rice. It was herbal, yeah, but it wasn't tea. It was almost nostalgic in a sense, as she recalled her days pre-med school, sitting up late with girlfriends, drinking and smoking-

OH. Oh that was weed. She was definitely smelling weed wafting from Daisuke's apartment. She knocked again, harder this time. It wasn't that Anya had dissaproved; she'd had her share of partying of course and Daisuke was freshly 21 so he was at the right age, but it took her by surprise that she hadn't smelled it before now.

She knocked again, groaning a little with annoyance. It really was just like Daisuke to invite her over and then be so loud in his own home he didn't hear her arrive. Thankfully this time he seemed have heard her, his music pausing and footsteps coming to the door. When he opened it, he was grinning ear to ear. "Anya!" he yelled, hugging her quickly before ushering her in.

Anya prided herself in her old timey decor for her apartment, vintage style couch, cute chic appliances. Daisuke's apartment really just looked the part of a broke college student with access to nice appliances; his couch was just a black dorm couch with a cup holder built into the middle, a glass coffee table (that she noticed was coated in green crumbs...) and an old style TV on a wood shelf against the wall. Meanwhile his kitchenet was nicer, a fancy smart fridge and one of those nice kitchen sinks with the slanted basin and the pull out sprayer. A few grocery bags sat on the counter, plastic handles blowing in the breeze from the ceiling fan.

"You still haven't started decorating?" Anya asked, pulling her jacket off. Daisuke usually kept it relativley cool in his apartment, but today the heat was on to counteract the chill from the storm. Even so, Anya had put on a thin long sleeved shirt under her jacket in case the little psycho decided to try to freeze her out like last time she visited.

"I got some cool pictures and stuff, but I really just haven't had time to hang 'em." Daisuke said, taking her jacket for her and hanging it near the door. She should have figured he had it warm inside today from looking at the way he was dressed. With his hair tied back in a ponytail, he wore a simple black tank top and some pajama pants with the words "breaking hearts" and "blasting farts" alternating in pink text. "Go on, sit down!" he said, patting her on the shoulder.

 In his current attire and ignoring the goofy pants, Anya felt a strange twinge in her stomach as she looked at his bare arms, the skin streaked with discolored white stripes. The events of the Tulpar seemed to find the worst times to spring back into her mind, but she was also thankful Daisuke was comfortable enough around her to wear clothes that showed the scarring off so shamelessly. He trotted over to her side, handing her the TV remote before making his way back to the kitchenet. "What do you wanna watch?" she asked, turning the TV on.

"Apparently that one stupid show about the plastic surgeon is gonna come on. We should watch it so you can see how good you got it." he said with a laugh as he was unbagging the groceries. Anya nodded and flipped it to the reality TV channel. Daisuke knew what she liked to watch at least. She listened to him setting aside cans of spam and bags of rice, humming the song that she heard playing earlier. 

"Hey Dai?" Anya spoke up, her mind now wandering to earlier. She got a hum in response, waiting for her question. "When did you start smoking weed?" she asked. She kind of expected a startled response, but she didn't expect the howl of laughter from the kitchen.

"Aw man! I was hoping you wouldn't have noticed!!" Daisuke laughed. "I've been trying to get better about hiding the smell since I don't wanna have to explain to every neighbor we have that I do it." he said, joining her in the living room again. He reached beside the couch, pulling a small compartment out that contained a card, a small baggie, a lighter, and a glass bowl. "I started a few weeks ago. My last doctors appointment they kind of noticed some concerning shit with my healing process, so they recommended it for pain management." he said, pulling out the card and setting it on the table in front of Anya. 

MEDICAL MARIJUANA USE REGISTERY
Daisuke Juarez
Effective Immediately upon Issue

"Hey, I can't judge." Anya said, "I used to party back in college, so I get the appeal. But now I'm a little concerned what's so wrong you need a medical card." she continued, her eyes taking a darker look. Daisuke shook his head.

"It's not that big of a deal. It started because I was having...uh...PTSD. Like panic attacks and shit, but then they noticed that the Big One from the vent wasn't healing right because it still hurts two years later. Kind of did some ultrasounds and the scar tissue's made the muscle on my gut super hard and the location kind of fucked some stuff internally... and it hurts." he seemed sheepish describing his medical issues, looking for ways to make it...lighter. "I mean, it could be worse, I could have been skinless....or...." he trailed off as his eyes glanced to her and her stomach, and Anya suspected his next words to be along the lines of 'or pregnant'

"So you started because you were having panic attacks?" Anya asked softly. Daisuke nodded, setting the rest of the box on the table with his medical card. He pulled the baggie out, taking a small round bud from it and tapping it into the end of the bowl.

"Yeah, started that way." he said. "But look- it's kind of crazy how gnarly this one turned out to be." he stood and pulled his tank top up with one hand in a clear attempt to pull the topic away from his mental health. Anya has obviously seen his wound when it happened- she was the one who helped treat it after all, so she knew how deep it was. But it didn't stop the cringe when she saw it now even in its healed state. The injury had been severe enough to leave a slightly raised keloid across his abdomen, and as lean as he was Anya could literally see where his abs had been sliced. "It's just really fucking weird because I know this wasn't as serious as my surgery, and I bounced back from that in a month!"

"Your top surgery?" Anya asked to clarify. When Daisuke nodded, Anya continued. "Obviously you'll recover smoother from a precise elective surgery than you would an injury like that."

"Yeah but like...when I got my tits cut off I couldn't even use my arms for weeks. I was able to walk off the Tulpar when this happened, but then this is the thing I have to medicate for for the rest of my life?" he asked with a huff. He grabbed the lighter from the box, about to hold the bowl to his lips before pausing. "Is...Uh...Is it cool if I take a hit? I'm totally chill if you don't want me doing it while you're here." he said, taking Anya by surprise.

"You're fine. I've done it before myself, I just quit when I started working for Pony Express because they said they drug tested. I found out later that was just for captains and co-pilots but by then I'd already cut myself off." Anya said, earning a small eyeroll from Daisuke.

"You'd think the nurse would be one of the ones that they have to drug test. Talk about cutting corners."  he said as he once again pulled the bowl to his lips and lit the end. He blew the smoke out of his nose, a small choking nose the only indication he was uncomfortable, before setting the bowl on the glass table and standing up. "Now! To get the food done before the munchies hit!"

"One hit is all it takes to give you the munchies?"

"Oh no, I was a pregaming too. Heyyy you're welcome to a hit if you wanna for old times sake!"

Anya's eyes rested on the bowl, and seconds later her hand was reaching for the lighter

----

An hour later, smoke was filling the apartment but the food had long since been done. Six large spam musubis, a bag of cheerios, two bags of pre-packaged chocolate chip cookies, and Anya now laid out on Daisuke's couch staring at but not registering what she was seeing on the TV. Beside her, Daisuke sat with his head tilted back, seeming to be having trouble deciding if he was going to be asleep or not- no, not if he was falling asleep or not. The distinction felt important.

Anya noticed vaguely that she had her head laying against his side, but Daisuke didn't seem to mind and Anya was too busy reading the phrase on his PJ pants to mind much herself. She trusted him, the sober part of her realized. She knew he couldn't hurt her in that way even if he wanted to, and she realized with the mounting horror that only someone stoned could muster that part of her felt bad for finding safety in that. Did she have internalized transphobia? Was she transphobic for not seeing him as a threat? She never saw Daisuke as anything but a man, but she also felt weird that she was just as comfortable and safe with him as she'd be with a 'gal pal' and she wondered if that meant she was putting too much into the fact that he didn't have a pe-

"You look like you're losing your mind." his voice made her jump, earning a giggle. "You one of those stoners who thinks too much when she takes a toke?" he asked. "I get it. The first night I tried it, it actually made the panic attack worse. I had...like...fairy lights in my room, and they changed color. I was chill with it while the colors were cycling through, but then they kind of....faded into this one color. It was orange-y red." Oh, Anya knew were this was going.

"Like the sunset screen..."

"Uh-huh....I took them down after that." he said. "I was so baked at that point I thought I was back on the Tulpar. I didn't hear Curly crying or anything so I kind of just told myself everyone was dead and that if I closed my eyes I'd be dead too...." he suddenly perked up. "Then I got up and had some snacks and felt fine!"

Anya blinked....then blinked again. She felt like her eyelashes were tangling together and trying to hold her eyes closed. "So..." she started, almost losing her thought. "Is getting blazed the thing that'll actually make you open up about your mental health?"

"..........Yeah."

"I should try that with Curly."

---

By the time Anya had looked at the clock once, it was 6 PM. She blinked, looked again, it was now 9 PM and she was feeling much clearer in the head. Daisuke still sat next to her, his head tilted back; he apparently finally decided that he was in fact going to fall asleep. Wait did she fall asleep too? Of course she did, and in doing so she-

"I FORGOT TO FEED MARIGOLD!"

Chapter Text

When Daisuke was little, he'd stay at his grandma's house sometimes.

Her home was cozy, always a little chilly, covered in knick knacks and ticking clocks. The ticking would help him sleep, and she'd always leave a night light on for him. He always liked noise when he tried to sleep; when he was a teenager he'd leave the TV on to fall asleep to a show, or he'd play music on the radio. Silence bothered him, as did the dark.

It wasn't that he was scared of it. Darkness was comfortable in theory, but the lack of sensory input and nothing but inky blackness around you made it easy for the mind to conjure stuff, and that made it hard for him to sleep.

When he was on the Tulpar, there was always noise and some kind of light. He didn't have his own room, so he made due with wherever they gave him to sleep, but it was never dark or quiet. A few nights on Swansea's floor, where the old man snored the five hours away. A couple nights on the couch in the lounge, where he'd fall asleep to the nighttime screen and wake up to find a blanket thrown over him in the light of the morning screen.

....A few nights outside of Anya's door in his sleeping bag, his gameboy playing chiptunes where he fell asleep with it in his hand, waking up to someone's foot accidentally catching his back and a muttered curse from Jimmy...

After the crash, everything turned on its head.

Everything stayed so angry and red, the eternal sunset stirring his mind into existential crisis. The twilight crew of the Tulpar, Gods chosen favorites, the sunset of their lives as they knew it. The noises where considerably louder and more awful in the Tulpar, every groan and every creak a premonition and a reminder that they were slated to die. When he slept in the lounge, it was furthest from the screen. He wasn't sure if he'd ever remember what colors were supposed to look like without that red orange glow.

It took some time to get used to sleeping in a bed again; of course after returning to Earth he had stayed with his parents for a while- they were crazy to consider letting him out of their sight. But when he got his own apartment in the coming months, he had insisted they not pay for his furnishings. His first night in his new place, he slept in a sleeping bag in the corner of his bedroom, a small light plugged in the wall next to him. He bought a new mattress with his Pony Express hush money along with some sheets. For his 20th birthday he got a tv stand from Swansea and a TV from Anya, which he kept in his bedroom for a while until he got more.

Gradually, home was starting to light up.

While Daisuke was on the Odinson, he was almost sure he had sweat his trauma out there. As much as Swansea complained, Daisuke was thankful that outside of the individual rehab rooms, the three mostly-in-tact Tulpar crewmembers had to share a room once they were released from medical observation. On one hand he didn't like that he was disturbing Swansea and Anya, but on the other hand if he had been left alone the first night he dreamed of the Tulpar again he'd probably have landed himself right back in the hospital wing. He did hate that the medical vessel had to more or less provide the crew with anxiety meds, but the long trip was plenty of time to  get on meds and subsequently ween off of them once the trauma became more manageable.

 At least for him; Anya kept her prescription well back on to Earth so long as therapists and psychologists could check in and oversee. Daisuke was sickened to learn what had happened to her even before the crash. Swansea also had to be prescribed pain meds and a slew of antibiotics given what remained of his eye...and Curly...Poor old Captain Curly. The fellow was doing his best to relearn how to function with his prosthetics and grafts....

Yes indeed, he had come out the best off. Daisuke Juarez, surviving intern of the last Pony Express freighter, was almost at 100% completion! Nevermind that he would wake up with a death grip on his sleep shirt, fingertips digging into hardened scar tissue. Or that he didn't like sunsets anymore. Or that when he'd almost make himself pass out from hyperventilating he'd text his old coworkers before his own mother...

Most of the time his dreams were flashbacks when they involved the Tulpar. Flashbacks to the smell of burning flesh like morning bacon, or to the squeezing and suffocating darkness of the vent. Sometimes he'd wake up and smell mouthwash and vomit, other times it'd be blood. He'd taken to sleeping with an oil diffuser running beside his bed.

Some nights his nightmares would take a different turn from his memories. He'd climb through the vent, his guts would be exposed, and there he'd find Anya, just like in real life. Only she wasn't stumbling to help him, stinking of bile and antiseptic. No, in these dreams, when he pried himself from the vent all he could smell was blood and stare into the unseeing eyes of the Tulpar's nurse, blood draining down the front of her uniform. In the real world, he had recalled those pills resting on the floor in a acidic pile, but here in the dream they never made it up. They ravaged her insides and ended her life.

These nightmares usually ended up with Daisuke waking up in a panic, desperately dialing Anya's number on his cellphone. The first couple of times they'd happened, he'd been completely inconsolable, babbling to her about how he was so thankful she picked up, usually resulting in one of the pair ending up at the others' apartment to watch movies or something, anything to calm him down. These days when they happened, it was getting easier. Just a small short text.

From: Dai 🌺
hey i had that dream again. text me when you're up okay? <3

And the next morning she would, inviting him over for coffee on more leisurely mornings but otherwise reassuring him that she was there.

And the world would keep turning. But as the days dragged on, as life began to return to something normal for all of them, something new had arrived to haunt Daisuke's dreams.

Maybe he had eaten kind of heavy that night, or he had fallen asleep with a migraine; he couldn't remember what had switched up his bedtime routine, though he suspected it may have had something to do with sleeping in total darkness for once, possibly to soothe whatever ache he had. He remembered that wretched orange glow of the crashed Tulpar, and he remembered being lucid enough to brace himself for Anya's corpse. Only this time, it wasn't Anya's blood he was seeing mix into the orange hues.

He laid on a cot, fresh out of a vent that was yawning at him like a monster's maw. His blood streaked the ground around him like it did in real life, but Anya was not there to save him. Figures stood over him. Jimmy? Swansea? Jimmy was holding something blue in his hands. A bottle. A bottle tipped forward and ready to drown him from the inside out.

Kills 99.9 percent of germs. Sugar content too high. The worst pain imaginable. He would had rather dealt with the gashes on their own, would have rather went through surgery again, would have rather sliced his arm on a stray nail when diving for base. Every pain he experienced, culminating in this one sticky sugary execution.

The dream skipped around, and he was gasping for air. Swansea stood above him, talking softly, slowly, sadly. The axe in his hand seemed shinier than it ever had before. Heavier.

Close. 

Your. 

Eyes.

A thump in his dream merged with a thump in real life, only this thump was him rolling off his mattress. He struggled to compose himself, groaning and crawling away from his bed as if it was the thing holding a bottle of mouthwash or a shiny axe over him. He climbed to his feet, chest still heaving.

He looked at the clock. 5 AM. He'd need to get up and get ready for class soon. Shaky, Daisuke dragged himself to the bathroom, fighting a losing battle with the nausea. He didn't bother with the light, instead he leaned over the toilet and let himself puke. He'd use peroxide to rinse his mouth; fluoride mouthwash wasn't allowed in his apartment.

As he raised his head to the mirror, even in the dark the small nightlight he'd kept in the bathroom illuminated his face. Idly, he ran his fingers down an imagined bloody mess that never existed, index finger tracing from above his left eye, across his nose, and down beneath his right. Somewhere in the other room, he could hear one of his wall clocks ticking. He sighed, nearly sobbing as he leaned over the sink.

No axe wound to the face, just a migraine that felt like one. Maybe he'd skip class today.

Chapter Text

Anya fancied herself a brave woman. There wasn't much she was confident in about herself, but that was definitely one thing she was sure of. You don't keep crawling back to medical school if you're a coward. You don't keep three men and yourself alive on a crashed space freighter after a suicide attempt if you're a coward. You don't eat Daisuke's cooking if you're a coward.

But on one calm, warm day, Anya was reminded that sometimes she could have a little cowardice, as a treat.

She was sipping coffee, reading a book at her kitchen table. Marigold sat in her cat tree across the room, round yellow eyes intently watching traffic. The morning was as peaceful as a morning could be for Anya- why, she didn't even get a text from Daisuke sending memes, or Curly making sure she took her meds yet. She was undisturbed, in her lane, flourishing.

She was almost sure that this Saturday morning was going to be a rare treat of peace and quiet. She stood from the kitchen chair and opened her freezer, grabbing a toaster pastry and popping it in the toaster for a quick sweet breakfast. As her pastry cooked, she padded over to Marigold to scritch the kitty's ear, humming a soft tune to herself.

That's when she noticed Marigold no longer staring at traffic, and instead to the opposite corner of the kitchenet. Anya tilted her head in confusion. "What are you looking at?" she asked the cat as if the tortie could respond. Her own dark eyes followed Marigold's gaze, curiosity driving her as she idly scratched the back of her head. So her kitty was a little odd, what was wrong with that? She was odd and people still kept her around, so why would she be put off by the normal habit of 'staring' cats were so known for. Still, she was a bit....unnerved as she joined Marigold in staring.

She spotted something. Her eyes snapped wide open and her breath caught in her throat. Marigold let out a small 'ekekek' noise as if in response to Anya's shock.

There in the corner of the room, clinging to the wall with countless little hairs, was the biggest damn spider Anya had ever seen. She wasn't the most well versed in bugs or arachnids. That was moreso Curly's forte. But she knew a big ass spider when she saw one. And so she sat frozen, Marigold and the spider completely unmoving as time stood still for a hot second-

POP

- Before everything happened at once: her toaster pastries sprang from the toaster, Marigold leapt across the kitchen, the spider sprinted from the cat's attack, and Anya screamed- shrill and girlish.

When the chaos calmed and Marigold was left 'ekekek'ing around the room, Anya frantically searched for any sign of 8 legs, coming up short

It was still loose in the apartment.

---

Text to Dai🌺 from Anya🌙

HELP

---

Daisuke was no coward, and he was always more than eager to lend a helping hand to Anya. She had saved his life, after all! So when he got the text with the one simple word, he was already out the door without even remembering to lock it.

In minutes, he was knocking on her door. It usually took Anya a few moments to answer when he came, but today the door was flung open on the first knock and he was quickly pulled inside. "Jesus, Anya what's up?" he asked, startled.

The nurse in training looked shaken, but not in a way Daisuke had seen her before. She looked shaken in the way a hunter does when they find that their target has turned on them. She was still in her sleepwear, cotton shirt and shorts, but her hair was pulled back and her eyes were wild. In her hands she brandished a broom like a bludgeon. "Look in the kitchen..."

Daisuke followed Anya to the kitchenet, where her cat was reaching its little paw under the counter. Daisuke knelt beside the cat. "What is she after?" he asked.

Almost as if to answer his question itself, the spider skittered out from beneath the counter. Marigold pounced for it, eliciting a laugh from Daisuke. Anya huffed, "What are you laughing at? It's huge!" The spider skittered around the room, in circles to avoid the fluffy onslaught of paws.

"Yeah it's sorta big!" Daisuke said. "But it's just a little spider, what's the worst it can do-"

Marigold slapped the spider. Marigold slapped the spider right into Daisuke's face.

The ex-intern was too shocked to react, only staring for a split second with the same blank, dumb expression as he had when he was first observing it.

Anya on the other hand reacted without thinking, her weapon of choice already at the ready to murder any spider in her vicinity. Casualties were always a risk in war.

And that casualty just happened to be Daisuke as Anya swung the broom handle right into his nose.

The spider skittered to safety.

---
Text to Swans🦢 from Dai🌺

HELP. ANYAS PLACE.

Text from Swans🦢

I'm Driving with Do Not Disturb On. I will receive your message when I get where I am going.
If this is urgent, text URGENT

Text from Dai🌺

URGENT

---

Swansea always knew to expect the worst. The last time he had answered a help message from either of these two idiots, it had been when Anya had a horrendous bleeding episode and had to be rushed to the emergency room while her car was still in the shop.

And yet he still answered, knowing damn good and well it probably meant the rest of his day was going to be ruined. It really had to be a shit show in there if Daisuke was with her, asking for help at her place. He wondered if helping these two find apartments near not only each other, but himself as well was a mistake. He was too convenient.

Who was he kidding. He couldn't escape these two if he tried...And today was one of those days that he really really wish he tried. Because as soon as a meek little "Come in..." was uttered, Swansea entered Anya's apartment to a hell of a scene.

Both of them were sitting on the kitchen table. Not at. On it. Anya had her legs pulled up, her knees against her chest. Daisuke's legs dangled, but more notable was the bloody paper towel he held to his nose. Both of them looked absolutely sheepish to Swansea as he entered.

"Well?" he asked, not even greeting them. "What was so urgent?"

Anya pointed, and Swansea followed the direction with his one good eye. Anya's cat was studying something under the fridge, and Swansea could see a tangle of spindly, hairy legs poking out from under it. "There." was all Anya said, her broom stick abandoned on the floor beside the table.

It was times like this that made Swansea miss the mouthwash.

Wordlessly and under the watchful eyes of Anya and Daisuke, Swansea grabbed a cup from the kitchen counter, alongside a paper plate. Sure, he could just squish the damn thing, but no. He wasn't going to make this easy on these two jackasses for calling him out here while he was driving, thinking it was an actual emergency. Thinking that one or both of them were in trouble, all because they were too pussy to kill a spider.

He was going to teach them at least some semblance of a lesson. He wasn't going to take the easy way out. Slowly, he lowered the cup over the spider, scooting it out from under the fridge as its legs flailed. He slid the paper plate under the cup, trapping the arachnid. Anya and Daisuke watched, bug-eyed, as Swansea approached the pair with the trapped creature. Anya nearly fell from her perch on the table, so instead of her Swansea handed the cup and plate to Daisuke.

Daisuke seemed to bristle as he took it, abandoning his bloody napkin. "You're a man, right?" Swansea asked him. "Fucking act like it; what's this thing gonna do to you? And you-" he turned to Anya, who stiffened at the eye contact. "Don't call this idiot over here for this kind of shit. You handled blood, piss, and guts and you're gonna let a spider turn you into a baby?" Swansea shook his head. "Pitiful, both of ya. Release the damn thing and clean yourselves up. It looks like a fucking warzone in here."

Anya sheepishly joined Daisuke as he held the cup up to his eye level, smiling almost fondly at the little source of chaos. "You know....the doctor did say we need companion animals. Maybe I should get a tarantula!" 

"Daisuke if you do that I'm going to fucking kill you."  For once, Swansea wasn't the source of the threat. And a threat like that from Anya was scarier than any spider, and yet Daisuke pushed.

"Hey, I wasn't the one scared of it; that was all you, Anya!" Daisuke shook the cup a little. "Look at him! He can't help being a lil' ugly just like Swansea can't help it either!"

"Starting to think you liked that bloody nose...."

Swansea once again sighed as he listened to them bickering, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Maybe not his circus. But certainly his monkeys.

Chapter Text

Text to Anya🌙 from Dai🌺

come over!!!

not an emergency i prommy!!

i gotta introduce you to someone

----

Anya felt a slight twinge of annoyance as she waited outside of Daisuke's apartment. She enjoyed his company, she really did, and he was a godsend when she was having a bad mental health day....but wasn't he taking this whole 'gay best friend (who totally wasn't actually gay)' thing a little far? Introducing her to someone? As in a date?? What else could he have meant, unless he was making new friends who were just 'so cool' he had to introduce them to his 30+ year old friend from work. Which would be odd.

When Daisuke opened the door, the first thing Anya noticed was that he was actually dressed normal, in one of his signature Hawaiian shirts and blue jeans as if he had already been out of the house once today- an oddity in and of itself since usually when he invited her over it was to veg out in their sleep clothes, smoke, and watch tv.

The second thing she noticed when she glanced over his shoulder was a very large cage against the wall that was certainly not there yesterday. "Hey hey! Come in, come in!" he practically cheered as he let her in. Anya was almost going to investigate the cage, but Daisuke stepped in front of her; his energy was bounding in a way that Anya could only describe as puppyish....if he had a tail it'd be wagging.

"So, who do you want to introduce me to?" Anya asked, crossing her arms. There was a small feeling of relief as she noticed no one else seemed to be around- she probably should have assumed better out of Daisuke given what he knew of her past and how hesitant she was about the dating scene. But now she was even more curious who or what he'd managed to acquire.

"Okay, okay!" Daisuke began, turning to the cage but still standing in front of Anya so she couldn't see anything yet. "So you know the doctor's orders what with pets and all that stuff, like how you got Marigold and Swansea's got his dog and all that jazz, right?" a nod from Anya to signal him to keep going. "Well you know I don't have time to care of a cat or dog really well since I'm starting the new semester soon, but I wanted something like...nice too? Something that I could pet, yeah?" another nod as Daisuke began to open the cage. "Okay, so I applied to these small animal rescues, looking to adopt something because I wanted to help out too. And I found out not a lot of people rescue rodents...."

"Cut to the chase, Daisuke. Show me the mouse." Anya said. Daisuke held up a finger and waggled it.

"Nope, not mouse!" he said, reaching into the cage. After a second, he spun around to face her with his hands held out to her. Gripped in each of his hands, held like they owed him money, were two large fluffy rats. "Meet Rain and Shine!"

Anya blinked at him. "Rats?"

"Yup!" Daisuke said, releasing his grip on the rodents so they could both skitter up his arms and on to his shoulders. Rain was a white hooded rat with black splotches, while Shine was albino. "These girls got surrendered because their old owner didn't think they'd get as big as they did, and one of the shelter workers saved them from being snake food." Anya couldn't help the amused smirk on her face as she watched one of the rodents nibble at Daisuke's earring.

"You know, when you said you'd been looking at rescues, I didn't think you'd come back with rats." Anya said. "You didn't strike me as a rat dad type of guy."

"How could I have not struck you as the type?" Daisuke asked, feigning offense. "They're so friendly! And I wouldn't call them low maintenance, but they're easier to care for than the chinchilla I applied to foster. And they have each other to keep themselves entertained when I'm in class, y'know?" he said, holding his arm out to let Shine carefully slide down his sleeve and crawl to his palm. "Wanna hold her?"

Anya felt herself tense a little. She wasn't grossed out by rats, but something about seeing one- especially an albino one- made her think back to her days in high school science class, learning about the way bodies worked and seeing her classmates slice one down the belly in a fashion eerily similar to...."Y-Yeah sure, I'll hold her."

Carefully Daisuke took Anya's hand and guided Shine onto her palm. The rat was large and a little overweight, but warm and soft all the same. Glistening red eyes met Anya's own, and before she knew it the rodent was scurrying up her sweater sleeve. She watched in amusement as it made its way to her shoulder, sitting calmly and grooming its whiskers once it reached the spot beside her neck. "Aw, she likes you!" Daisuke said, picking Rain off of his own shoulder and repositioning her onto his head where she sat content.

"Heh.... That's sweet." Anya said, reaching up to pet the rodent with her index finger. Shine made no move to shy away, instead grabbing Anya's finger and nibbling at her fingernail. "They're really social. Do you know how old they are?"

"Yeah, they're actually kind of old by rat standards." Daisuke began. "Probably about a year each- Rain is a little older but not by much, and rats only live about two. I think I can give these gals a good run with what they have left thought, don't you?" he asked, reaching for Shine to crawl from Anya's shoulder to his hand.

As Shine returned to her new 'dad', Anya gave a nod. "They're fitting for you." she said. "Though are you sure you're...um....equipped to handle having pets with such a short lifespan? Especially when they're already old?" she asked, genuine concern lacing her voice. She knew Daisuke was a little tougher than anyone gave him credit for, but she knew better than anyone it was easy to fall fragile after what they'd all been through in the past few years.

"I don't know that I am, but it's part of the process right?" Daisuke said, turning back to the cage. The door was left open, so he held his hands down to the entrance so the pair of rodents could return to their little home. "It's like....I dunno, I want to give them a fighting chance. Kind of like how you did with Marigold. I know she wasn't really a senior, but I knew all the kittens in that shelter would find homes way quicker." he reached into a jar on top of the cage, pulling out a handful of small biscuits and setting them on a hammock inside. Rain quickly bounded to the hammock and began to eat, joined by Shine shortly after.

"I just don't want you to have any more unneeded stress." Anya said, earning a warm smile from Daisuke.

"I appreciate it, Anya. But I'll be okay." he said. "If I'm being honest, I think I might start doing the foster thing more once I'm better off. You know, like, adopting or looking after older animals; senior dogs and stuff. No one ever really wants them." he said, "I know I'm not ready for it now, but I feel like I need to be soon."

"And why is that?" Anya asked, "Why do you feel like you need to be?"

"Um...it's kind of hard to explain." Daisuke began, closing the cage and moving to sit on the couch. "I just think about all the shit we went through, how completely unprepared I was for any of it. How useless I felt. I don't think I could ever trust myself to help people like you do, but I feel like if I'm not useful to someone- even animals- I'll go crazy. It feels like I always have something to prove, something to make up." he said.

"But Daisuke, you've proven yourself plenty capable. Just from the fact we survived it all....Hell, you almost killed yourself trying to save me and it worked." Anya said, sitting next to him. Daisuke gave her a smile, but his eyes didn't reflect it this time. Instead, his expression dropped relatively quickly as he averted his gaze. "You don't have anything to make up for; you saved me."

"I can feel proud of that, but I don't know if I have it in me to ever do it again." he said. "I'm so glad I did, but I feel like if I ever had to face the idea of getting hurt like that again or even just having someone's life in my hands like that again I'd just turn and run..." he leaned back with a sigh. "So maybe, if I can just...I dunno...help out differently. Change lives but make them smaller, maybe I can work myself up to feeling that brave again in case someone else ever needs me like you did. Even if it's just a little old dog or a couple old rats or a cat with three legs or something." he said, glancing to his two new companions as they ate. "Lower stakes...and I'll take whatever heartbreak it comes with. It feels safer that way."

He then turned to Anya, something reflecting in his eyes akin to pleading. "Does that make me a coward?"

Anya considered him for a moment, before reaching over and ruffling his hair. 

"Not at all."

Just a good kid trying his best.

Chapter Text

It was Daisuke's suggestion to go to the mall, and despite being broke Anya had agreed. A recommendation to go somewhere that wasn't either of their apartments, Swansea's house, or Curly's care center was a bit of a breath of fresh air, she supposed. Even if she didn't do any actual shopping, a chance to get out of the house, dress cutely and window shop may even have been exactly what she had needed after not going anywhere besides her part-time and her own home for the past week.

Of course, Daisuke had something up his sleeve. That something was his allowance from his parents hitting the same time his student refund did. "And what better use for excess money than to take my favorite chronically broke gal pal shopping?"

....He could have worded it nicer, but she didn't really want to look a gift horse in the mouth (Or donkey in Daisuke's case. Haha Jackass joke.)

That's why she was currently standing just outside of the mall food court, a bag of new clothes in one hand and the other hand resting under her chin, trying to decide what she wanted while Daisuke had wandered off to do....something. He had shoved his debit card into her front jacket pocket before skipping off, hollering behind him for her to pick out something for lunch because he needed to find something. She dared not question what he was looking for- it was Daisuke's world and they were just living in it.

She had been browsing the options of a small taco stand when she heard a voice from behind her. "Heeeyyy~" The flowery lilt to their tone had made her assume it was Daisuke returning, the bustle around her distorting his voice, but when she turned around Anya was met with someone completely unfamiliar. A tall but young man, maybe a little older than Daisuke but not quite her age, decked out in designer clothes. "Anyone ever tell you you look like an old time movie star?" he asked her, flashing her a winning smile.

For all the world the man reminded her of Curly, blonde hair, blue eyes and all, and while she had regained some of her affection for Curly himself, something about the resemblance made her insides squirm. Anya wasn't comfortable at all right now, but they were in a public crowded place. She could handle some basic human interaction, right? Besides, the guy was complimenting her, so she needed to say something. "Oh! Uh...Thank you!" she chirped, hoping that'd be the end of it. Hastily, she tried to make her way away from the taco stand, eager to browse the Thai place next to it (Or perhaps just even more eager to not be stuck in line next to someone she didn't know who was actively trying to engage with her)

To her discomfort, he walked with her. "You really do, your eyes are so pretty." he said. He was just trying to be nice, right? "I can't remember the name of who I'm thinkin' of though. Some old old movie star. Played in horror movies?" the guy chuckled. "Not that there's anything horrific about you."

"Heh..." Anya tried to think of what to say. She caught herself nervously wringing her hands and moved them firmly to her side. "Th-thanks." she said. She didn't know if she hoped her discomfort was noticeable or not; she didn't know if he was going to read it as weakness or a sign to back off. Anya glanced around, backing up. She didn't notice she had backed out of the line for the Thai booth by now, her mind on one track that was saying 'get away'.

"What's your name, girlie?" the guy asked, resting his hand on the wall beside her head in a classic 'I'm trying to score with a girl' pose. Anya wanted to be nice, but she was having none of it. So instead she side stepped away from him, still trying to wear a polite smile.

"Ah...um....You first." she said with a small nervous giggle. The man's expression didn't falter at all, and instead he stepped a little closer, following her attempts to put distance between them.

"The name's Justin." he said, holding a hand out for her to shake. Anya didn't take it, so instead Justin smiled and lowered it- perhaps it was a start? Maybe he was starting to notice.

"Nice to meet you, Justin." Anya said, glancing sideways. Her heart was starting to pound. Even if this man didn't have ill intentions, she was beginning to feel cornered. Her eyes darted to the women's' restroom sign. She could theoretically just say she needed to use it and lock the door until Daisuke could text her that he was done with whatever he was doing. Yes, she could do that, even if Justin was harmless, she wasn't here to meet people and her tract record with men was....."Um, sorry but I need to go use the-"

A hand grasped her shoulder and she froze, blood turning to ice. "What's the hurry?" Justin asked with a smile that was anything but the the sweet charm he was putting on before. "Gotta go to the bathroom? Here, walk with me, talk with me~"

Suddenly, Anya found she couldn't speak. It had been two years by now, but with that one hand on her shoulder, only slightly forceful to hold her in place, she could suddenly feel all of the hand prints left on her body. Every touch that had ever burned her, brought to the surface like bloated bodies floating in an ocean. "Hey..." she finally managed to whisper. "Can you not touch me?" Why was she still trying to be polite? Was it a response in her brain to say if she was quiet it'd hurt less?

"Come on now." Justin began, ignoring her as he began to lead her to the bathroom. "Just here to steady you, you seem so jumpy!" he chuckled. Anya tried to rationalize- maybe he was just dumb, maybe he really was that polite and just stupid; Daisuke was a similar brand of stupid, so it wasn't far fetched. Hell Curly had even had his moments (Fuck yeah he had) of this brand of stupidity. But as Justin was guiding her, a couple steps past the women's restroom, Anya's fear was being realized in full.

He was trying to lead her somewhere more private. And she was too frozen up to even dig her heels in, like a lamb too scared of the pain of slaughter to resist the act itself-

"WHOAH! Hey now!" a third voice joined them, and Anya nearly cried out in relief as the flash of a black and red button up and freshly dyed auburn hair planted itself firmly between her and Justin. Daisuke had returned, and he was all to eagerly squeezing his way between them, replacing Justin's hand with his own and guiding Anya in the opposite direction. "What's up, bro?" he asked, bubbly and friendly as anyone could be, speaking as if Justin was a long time friend even despite the unfamiliarity flashing across his face, but Anya noticed a small twitch in his eye.

"Hey buddy!" Justin grinned back, and Anya could sense something tense under his facade. "This your girlfriend?"

"Sister." Daisuke corrected, before quirking an eyebrow and looking at Anya, "Half-sister. Anyway, why's that matter?"  he was planted firmly between Justin and Anya now, two large shopping bags gripped in one hand and the other hand in his jeans pocket. Anya's eyes flitted nervously between the two boys, the tension physical.

"C'mon buddy, I was just trying to get to know your sister a little better. She seemed awfully nervous alone at the food court so I just wanted to lend a helping hand." Justin laughed, "What guy leaves his sister alone in a place like this, huh?"

"Considering," Daisuke began, hand tightening on the handle of his shopping bag, "This is a public mall where anyone can hang out, I think it's a little weird to approach a gal you don't know and corner her all the way back to the restrooms." there was a glint in his eyes that was partway playful, partway....furious. "Kind of gives creeper vibes, y'know?" he added, stepping forward as if prepared to get in the taller man's face. Justin's grin faltered a bit, though he still didn't back down. 

"Don't you have a Build-A-Bear to shop for, little guy?' Justin asked, layering his tone with condescension. Daisuke's mischievous grin didn't even begin to fall at the quip.

Anya almost interjected, her hands shaking. She did not want this to escalate, but from the look on Justin's face and the shine in Daisuke's eyes it was looking more and more like it was going to. And all Anya could do is wonder which one would strike first- the answer could decide if her friend spent a night in jail or not, and she could only imagine the tongue lashing they'd both get from not only Daisuke's parents but Swansea as well

Daisuke tilted his head, "Don't you have some other poor chick to harass? Or do you think you got better luck with your hand after all this? Man.... sucks to suck, bro."

Thankfully, Daisuke didn't have to start the fight if that was anything to be thankful for, but it didn't stop Anya from yelping when Justin suddenly yanked the shorter man by the collar of his shirt. "Who the fuck do you think you are, you little--" Anya gasped at the next word that left Justin's mouth, a slur flung Daisuke's way.

CRACK

The slur was bitten off by the sharp crack of ring-covered knuckles into a jaw. Justin unhanded Daisuke immediately, reeling back from the punch as blood dripped from his split lip. Anya was almost impressed; Daisuke's shorter stature made for a mean uppercut apparently.

The moment of victory was short lived as Justin shot back up, throwing a brutish swing at Daisuke, and while Daisuke wasn't the worst at fighting he still wasn't prepared for Justin to swing back so quickly. The force of the punch sent Daisuke stumbling back into the wall with a pained grunt, a bruise already blossoming on his cheek.

By no means did Daisuke plan to stay down after that, between harassing his already traumatized friend, and then having the fucking nerve to grab him first like he was the one doing wrong and insulting him? The ex intern of the Pony Express was out for blood.

And blood he would have as Daisuke threw himself at Justin. He made sure the hand donning his rings was the main one to fly, another metallic crack filling the air as the next punch collided with Justin's nose. Daisuke had no qualms about playing dirty, as Justin didn't seem to either- Daisuke refused to cry out when Justin grabbed a fistful of his hair and threw a punch of his own into the smaller man's eye.

Bystanders were gathering now, some trying to get closer to the carnage to pull the two men off of each other. Anya stood back, hands covering her mouth and eyes wide in horror as she saw more and more of Daisuke's blood mingling with his opponents on the ground. Was this her fault too? Was it her fault she froze up and let Daisuke try to swoop in to save her again just like he did with the vent? She tried to remember what he and Swansea had told her; it wasn't her fault, she shouldn't take the blame for some fucked up man's actions. But when Justin managed to draw a pained yell out of Daisuke by throwing a knee into his gut (The scar, Anya noted), it took everything in Anya not to burst into tears right there.

"ALRIGHT! BREAK IT UP!"

Thank god. Someone in the crowd of bystanders had thought to call security. 

Everything after that was a bit of a blur; one moment Justin and Daisuke were tangled in a ball of thrown fists and kicks. The next, two burly men in uniform had them both on the ground. It did pain Anya a bit to see a big guy like the security guard pinning Daisuke on the floor with one arm behind his back like he was a common criminal as well, but she couldn't blame them; in their eyes, he was just as much an aggressor as Justin was until they could get their story.

She met Daisuke's eyes even as his cheek was pressed on the floor, and felt her own eyes tear up as he gave her a genuine grin.

----

No charges were pressed by either man, and no trouble fell on Daisuke's shoulders. Between Anya's recollection of events and camera footage, the mall security had no issues with letting Anya and Daisuke go. Justin was detained- apparently he was notorious for his womanizing around the mall, and his experience with Anya wasn't his first offense of this type...it was the first time he had his shit rocked, however. A fact the guard- the same one who had his knee pressed into Daisuke's back earlier, funny enough- found immense amusement in. 

"Little spitfire." he laughed. "Your sister is probably happy to have you on her team, yeah?" he asked. Daisuke grinned and scratched the back of his head, a little embarrassed...more so because it seemed the officer was under the impression that Daisuke was a teenager- curse his youthful genes. Anya, on the other hand, was amused at the prospect.

"He's always been protective." she said with a wistful sigh, as if recounting days long gone and forgetting that they weren't actually siblings. She ended the thought with a giggle.

"Well, all you can do is keep each other safe." the security guard said. "Now, I think it'd be best if you left for the day. You're not banned from the mall by any means, but it might look bad if y'all hang out more."

----

Even though Daisuke had driven them there, Anya had to drive back to the apartment; one of the nastier punches had swelled Daisuke's eye shut and with the setting sun vision would be limited anyway. She didn't mind; in her mind it was the least she could do.

The drive was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. There was a mutual understanding between them- Anya needed some quiet time for her nerves, and Daisuke needed the quiet to nurse a myriad of new aches, from his head to his gut where Justin had crushed his knee into Daisuke's abdominal scar. The car radio played a gentle piano tune that Anya was particularly fond of, and Daisuke was able to doze in the passenger seat. Thankfully, they didn't forget to grab their shopping bags that'd been tossed aside during the scuffle.

In the rearview mirror, Anya noticed with a bit of amusement a Build-A-Bear bag sticking out of one of the bigger shopping bags. So, even if it was thrown as an insult, Daisuke really had taken the time to actually go in Build-A-Bear and....well...build one.

"Hey Dai, you awake?" She asked as she pulled into the driveway of his apartment. He cracked an eye open and raised up, giving a sleepy grunt to acknowledge he was. "What'd you end up making?" she asked him, motioning to the back seat as she unbuckled her seat belt. Daisuke blinked in confusion for a second, before his eyes (eye, at the moment) lit up.

"Oh shit! I totally forgot!" he cried, grinning ear to ear as he scrambled to grab the bag from the back seat. Anya was a bit startled at the sudden change in demeanor, but Daisuke was too excited to notice or tone it down. "Look! Build-A-Bear was re-running some of the vintage Pokémon collection, and when I saw this one in the window I had to make one! This one's your favorite, right?"

From the bag he pulled a medium sized stuffed animal, smelling of lavender and letting out a small 'Glaaaceon' with a squeeze of its paw, Daisuke held the Glaceon plushie out for Anya to see. 

"It is!" she exclaimed excitedly. Suddenly, the little blue fox-cat plush was shoved into her arms.

"It's for you!" Daisuke said, bouncing on his feet; even having the snot beaten out of him, Daisuke was hard pressed to lose his energy. Anya was a bit taken aback, cradling the plushie like an actual small animal.

"Aren't these vintage plushies crazy expensive though, even in re-releases?" she asked, flipping up one of the little stuffies ears. Daisuke shook his head and waggled his finger in a 'nuh-uh' motion. 

"Hey, I said I wanted to treat us so I did!" he said. "Now lemme walk you to your door- after today I don't feel too keen on you walking alone right now. Besides, I wanna say hi to Marigold."

Chapter Text

His time in highschool, Daisuke was a partier. There was no way around that; he loved the music, he loved the mingling, he loved the drinking and the smoking and the random make out sessions with girls and guys and anyone in between that tickled his fancy. He loved the exhaustion and the headaches and the aches in his bones after staying up all night with friends.

But one thing he always did was keep his wits about him. He drank but never too much. If his friends did drugs harder than weed he'd tap out; he knew his limits. And he never made out with someone if they were too drunk.

After the Tulpar, he was pretty sure a good 90% of that changed. Alcohol reminded him too much of the mouthwash, exhaustion stayed in his bones so often these days it wasn't a pleasurable ache but a constant feeling of lead in his shoes; the cannabis helped with the pain, but when you have to medicate with something it gets hard to see it as anything to party with. He wasn't sure if there'd be a time sooner or later that he'd want to lock lips with someone again after knowing he was shacked up with a rapist, his subconscious hypervigilant against the idea of becoming anything remotely like that.

And his wits stayed gone. That was what happened when you survived a life or death experience by staying drunk. But even so, Daisuke was in college now, and he refused to hole himself away. He had always been adventurous and open, eager to make friends. He didn't want to change the very core of his being over a crashed spaceship and god only knows how many bottles of mouthwash.

That's why when he had been invited to a small rager thrown by a college acquaintance, he accepted. He talked about it with Anya after he was invited, and she encouraged him to go so long as he kept his head on straight enough to know when to stop. And like a worried family member, she told him, "If you need anything at all or you feel unsafe, call me or call Swansea. Swansea would probably be able to get you faster, but I'll be there for backup."

And at the time he had shrugged her off "Anya, you're looking at a guy who killed it with the keg stands back in senior year." Of course she was skeptical; what reason did she have to believe him when most of their post-crash nights on the Tulpar together were her trying to keep him from drowning in mouthwash and puke? Even so, she dropped it by making him promise he'd be safe.

He had been invited by a classmate named Finley, who shared a large amount of Daisuke's basic study classes. A smart girl in a similar boat as Daisuke himself: talented, directionless. She was a little older than him, but not by much- her 24 to his 21, and as butch as they came.

Daisuke was immediately comfortable with her the moment they began to speak in their first class together, and was elated to find she had felt the same. They weren't close friends yet or anything, but close enough he felt good to attend a party with her as a way to exercise that friendship.

When she picked him up from his apartment the night of the party, she had asked him "You can drink like a man, right Suki?" earning a headtilt from Daisuke with the cutesy nickname. 

Anyone ever teach you how to drink like a man?

"Oh, I was taught by the best."

---

The party was typical of college gigs despite its size. It was held at one of the more well off student's houses and Daisuke was at first expecting it to be a bit bigger. It certainly wasn't a mansion full of drunken young adults like the movies made college parties seem like. Instead it was a relatively modest affair; about 15 people hanging out in a communal space made up of a spacious living room and dining room combo, some standing around drinking some boozy punch from solo cups, some hanging out on the couches mingling and passing joints. 

Fitting in came completely natural to Daisuke; most of the other people here didn't even know his name before they were offering drinks and passing the smokes along to him as part of their circle. Finley stayed at his side for the first part of the night, 'vibe checking' him with the people she knew already and turning him loose when he passed it. He was a little high by the time he had his first drink, and he was right to assume that the punch was indeed extremely boozy; he smelled it the moment one of his new friends had passed him the cup.

He had to work hard to ignore just how blue the punch was. Blue curacao was thick in the mix, and its tropical scent at least helped to break the illusion of turning up a bottle of Dragon's Breath. It helped that his already slightly inebriated state made it easier to ignore. Being high was a far different intoxication than being drunk, a smoky sort of disconnect that could sit in the back of your head and disguise itself as courage.

Before he knew it, he was a couple joints and a couple cups in and by then he was very much starting to feel it. Someone had asked him to dance and he eagerly did. Someone asked if he wanted to try an edible, and he figured why not. Someone- one of Finley's guy friends who'd been pretty sweet to Daisuke most of the night- had asked if he wanted to join him in the bedroom. What did he have to lose?

The night was young, the booze was flowing, and where would he get socially if he didn't let himself live a little. There was a small part of his mind, still completely sober that was desperately trying to remind him that he didn't even know this guys name, that he wasn't sure if this guy knew he was trans, or if he had any intentions of using protection. But the boozed up, stoned gremlin that controlled his body right now was more than eager to see where this would take them so long as he was conscious. It's not like every day threw the opportunity to get laid at him, and he hadn't ever gotten a chance to try it with a man.

Daisuke had overheard that the host's bedroom was designated for hook ups, and that's exactly where his new companion had lead him. The fellow- Daisuke could had sworn his name was Alec, and that's what he was going to call him- was a much taller and seemingly cis man, well muscled and jock-ish; if Daisuke was a baseball player, Alec was nothing short of a football quarterback. He was friendly enough, and slightly less high than Daisuke and significantly less drunk.

That little sober voice knew he was getting himself into trouble, and he tried to ignore it even as he fell back on the bed. Lips pressed together, Daisuke was sure he tasted like booze, not mouthwash. Hands explored his body and a comment was made but Daisuke realized it sounded muffled. Maybe he just wasn't paying attention, but it sounded pleased at the very least as one hand slid up his shirt.

He closed his eyes, trying to revel in the sensation of human contact, but something felt...off. Even with the weight and warmth of another human on him, with the lack of care provided with the weed and booze, he was starting to notice that the pounding of the music in the other room was too loud. It was distracting, even as he felt teeth nibble at his neck.

He heard Alec comment on one of his piercings and then on his scars, his top or abdominal he couldn't tell. He thought he had called them hot, but the thumping in his skull was getting too loud for him to hear. His mind was wandering.

Had he really just laid himself on this bed at the mercy of a complete stranger? His vision had black circles in it and he wondered vaguely if maybe he had done a little more than smoke and drink. Did he do an edible too? Did he leave his drink unattended?

His mind picked a bad time to picture Anya.

A hand graced over his stomach, over his scar, all the way down to his-

"Wait a sec." it wasn't Daisuke who spoke. He cracked one eye open that he didn't even know he closed. "Dude, hey, you with me?" slowly he opened the other eye, meeting Alec's own. The jock looked...concerned?

"Hng...?" That was supposed to be 'what', Daisuke scolded himself. He closed his eyes, blinking slowly, and when he opened them Finley was also standing over him alongside Alec. How fast had she moved to be there in a literal blink of an eye?

"Oh yeah, def crossfaded." she said matter of factly. Daisuke tried to shake his head, but by now colors were starting to swirl into blobs along with the black dots crowding his vision.

"Mn...mn f'ne." Daisuke slurred. He attempted to raise himself up on his elbows, fighting the softness of the bed he was on. "Shee I'm...I'm...."

He scrambled to throw his head over the side of the bed, vomiting pure blue on the thankfully wooden floor.

"Whoah! Damn buddy, you should have said you were too fucked up..." he heard Alec reprimand, but even so hands way too big to be Finley's rested on his back. "Buddy, that could have went horribly..." the voice was gentle. So surprisingly gentle that Daisuke would have to try to play off the tears pricking in his eyes as irritation from throwing up.

Which wasn't hard to do at all as he tried in vain to fight back another wave. Thankfully Finley had shoved a waste basket in his arms which took the brunt of the abuse.

Daisuke panted as he tried to swallow back any more nausea. He could hear Finley and Alec talking. "Yeah he overdid it. I told Jackie to not give him a fucking edible when we'd all been smoking so much." Finley said. As she did, Daisuke felt her pull his hair back from his face in a surprisingly caring movement.

"You know how she is," he heard Alec begin, "If he's new she's going to wanna push his limits. Wouldn't surprise me if she wanted a piece of him before I got to him and was trying to get him fucked up enough to lay her petty ass. Remember what she did to Robbie?"

"God why do we still hang out with her?" Daisuke listened to them bicker before he heaved again. So at least he wasn't intentionally roofied, and any ill intent was theoretical. But it didn't save him from his current state that rested firmly between drunk, greening out, and completely crossfaded. As he spit another clump of blue into the basket, he felt Alec pat his back and speak. "Hey bud, I got your phone for you. Why don't you call someone and head home?"

Daisuke's cheeks burned with shame as he tried to shake his head, something not unnoticed by Finley. "Aww, don't worry about it Suki; you're not even the first person we've had to send home tonight. You had fun besides this, right?" A nod. "Sweet, so lets get you home so you can rest and get ready for the next one!" his phone was shoved in his hand.

Sniffling a little, he looked through his contacts. It was past midnight and Anya had work tomorrow....

His eyes lingered on the little swan emoji in his contacts for a split moment before he hit the call button.

----

Swansea didn't like being disturbed late at night, especially when his insomnia was kicking his ass. Before that stupid fucking wreck, he was a champ with his sleep schedule. These days he did good to sleep his allotted five hours long after Pony Express was dead in the ground.

Usually Ellen tried to stay up with him when it was bad, the loving wife that she was. Their relationship was strained before the Tulpar, but in the panic of potential loss the two old lovebirds were closer than ever and with a fair share of clinginess. But despite her efforts to hang in there with him, she was snoozing in the recliner across the room.

At least she was until Swansea's phone buzzed to life with a loud chiptune ringtone. Both of them sprang to life, looking at his phone with equal parts disdain and worry. If it was this late it meant something was wrong. It could have been their daughter, their son, or- "It's Daisuke." Swansea said.  Even so, Ellen looked just as concerned as if it was their own kid calling them- she was not immune to growing attached to Swansea's crewmates, Daisuke in particular. Swansea answered.

"H-Hey Swans." the boy sounded rough, his voice hoarse and breathing heavy. "Um...I'm uh...I'm at a party." Swansea felt a little bit of dread settle in his belly. He knew he recognized that tone. It was the same one that lamented a wasted life at 19.

"Ping your location, kid. I'll be there in a second." Swansea heard shuffling, a meek 'can you help' in the background as he heard someone else take the phone for a moment. In seconds, his text notifications told him Daisuke was about ten minutes away in the rich part of town.

Figures.

----

When Swansea arrived where the party was, Daisuke was all but dragged out to his car by a huge guy and a smaller but still not tiny woman. He greeted them with a nod and they did so in turn. He thankfully didn't have to bother helping Daisuke into his car as the two friends had taken over the task, rubbery limbs trying to work to get himself situated but needing to rely on his friends' help.

During the drive home, Daisuke just sat with his head back, breathing heavily as if trying not to throw up again. Swansea didn't say a word, just drove. The silence for the first five minutes was uncomfortable, and when Daisuke finally broke it it wasn't any less so.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked.

"Why should I care how fucked up you get?" Swansea asked. "I'm not your dad."

"The closest I got right now...heh..."

Swansea sighed. "Then I guess you're probably too drunk to remember this. So I'm just gonna say it. You pissed me off for getting this bad..." Daisuke's eyes cast downward, his cheeks red again with more than just alcohol flush, "...And I'm proud of you for actually calling me." Daisuke's head snapped up, looking at Swansea more lucidly than he had since Swansea arrived.

"I'm glad..." was all the drunken idiot could say. Swansea rolled his eyes and continued toward Daisuke's apartment.

----

Toting what was almost dead weight up 3 flights of stairs was not Swansea's ideal workout, and if he'd known it was going to be this rough he'd had almost forced Daisuke to sober up at his place. Had the thought not came to him two flights in, he would had.

Daisuke never locked his apartment like he should, which was a blessing this time as Swansea nearly kicked the damn door in. Daisuke's pet rats skittered in their cage, startled by the sudden intrusion. Daisuke was only barely conscious as Swansea dragged him to his couch and nearly threw him down on it, partially in frustration and partially because his options were limited with his own bad knees.

Swansea was about to start complaining, to start bitching the kid out, but when his eyes wandered back to the couch, Daisuke was already curled up. He wasn't asleep, but his eyes were cloudy and unfocused, eyelids fluttering as if fighting a black out. Daisuke had a decorative throw on the back of his couch, which Swansea promptly took and threw over him.

"Sleep it off kid. Call me if you need me." Swansea sighed.

He locked the door on the way out.

---

Not five minutes after Swansea got in, his phone rang again, waking Ellen up again as well. Both she and their dog glared at Swansea, but her expression softened once again as she seemed to remember what was going on. Swansea answered.

"Hey Swansea." Daisuke. He was still drunk. Swansea bit back the feeling of dread as he wondered if something else had happened. Even Ellen shared the sentiment as she overheard the call, her eyebrows furrowing in worry.

"What's up?" he asked, already prepared to grab his keys again.

"I just wanted to let you know I made it home safe." Swansea pinched the bridge of his nose, drawing in a long but sharp breath. Beside him Ellen had to hold her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing at the drunken little fool.

"Yeah, Daisuke, I'd fucking hope so considering I GOT YOU THERE....!"

---

The next morning, Daisuke awoke with a groan, a migraine, and multiple text messages.

From: Swansea
Be fucking careful next time, capiche?

From: Finley
hey suki i hope you had fun even if you stained jackie's floor blue with that puke

From: Alec
Hey buddy, I'm sorry about last night. I hope you feel better <3 lets chat again soon, you're hella cute even when you're fucked up. Fin gave me your number, hope you don't mind <3 <3

Daisuke blinked, then blinked again. So in one night he'd pissed off Swansea, made a bunch of new friends, blacked out, greened out, AND threw up in front of said friends, and almost had a drunken gay fling? 

Without another thought, he locked his phone back and turned over on the couch, pulling his blanket over his head. 

He'd deal with this later.

Chapter Text

This isn't a chapter, just a small announcement to say since finishing Alarm Call, I'm open for requests for oneshots in this series; Glimpses of Existence is a 'catch all' oneshot collection for the Odinson verse, and I'd like to keep it filled as long as I'm in this fandom!


Rules

-no smut; suggestive is fine
-dark themes are fine if I can handle them tastefully
-i don't have to fill every request; if i feel i can't handle it or do it justice, i wont tackle it
-i don't ship any of the cast, but not for any moral reason; i just genuinely am not into most ships. If you want two characters and want to call it a ship in your head I don't mind at all

Feel free to comment requests on this chapter if anyone would like!

-marsh

p.s. don't let this announcement overshadow that i updated this with a new chapter at the ass-crack of dawn this morning, I was just eager to say requests are open!

Chapter Text

Anya didn't get sick.

Sure as the sky was blue, Anya was too careful to get sick; she had a gallon bottle of hand sanitizer in her bathroom, antibacterial everything, never wore her lounging clothes out, kept a clean apartment (mostly). So the idea of her being sick was foolish at best and stupid at worse.

Maybe stupid on her part, she thought as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, noticing that she was a shade paler than normal. She had woken up feeling...puny. Not sick! Definitely not sick! Just a little puny and maybe a little croaky, but that could be chalked up to air quality and open windows; she'd left the inner windows open for Marigold to sit in the screen, so outside air had permeated her apartment. That's likely the reason she was croaky.

A dry, chesty cough made its way up her throat and she was gonna pretend that didn't happen. She had a shift at her part time today and a deadline for an application coming up. The last thing she could afford to be was sick. And besides, she was the nurse! She was the caretaker! She was-

Another cough, this one bringing with it a nasty ripping sensation through her rib cage. Her eyes were glassy, she noticed as she looked in the mirror. That just meant it was a bad day to wear contacts! Besides, she was starting to feel cute in glasses these days, she could work it into her outfit! No aching eyes or stabbing lung pain or even splitting headache was going to take her down today, even as she noticed little white spots in her vision indicating a potential migraine.

Okay maybe she was just screwed. But she had responsibilities to attend to.

"...Lets get this over with." she muttered to herself, turning on the shower to the hottest setting.

---

She was a little worse off than she thought. The shower was borderline scalding, but the scant relief it gave her lungs was soothing enough to make up for the redness of her skin. She reveled in that, the feeling of being able to actually breathe almost lulling her into a trance....

Her mind began to wander as she indulged the warm water, thinking back to her work. When Pony Express finally died, Anya opted to work at the local hospital as a house keeper for the first year being back on Earth instead of immediately throwing herself back into med school, squirreling away her share of the hush money awarded to the crew. It was a great chance to work on her bedside manners and expose herself to more of what the medical field had to offer- while the injuries on the Tulpar were a crash course for trauma, her lighter work skills were lacking and she'd have hated to tackle something simple like a fish hook in a finger with the same severity as a body covered in 3rd degree burns. And that was just a perk compared to being able to save up until her chance for med school reopened.

Now that that opportunity was approaching, she was in the process of weedling her housekeeping hours down to part time to top off her savings and free up her schedule in the event of acceptance. Sure it meant living off of cheap meals plus whatever Swansea, Daisuke, or even Curly would bring her when they'd make extra or invite her over, but it seemed to be working out for the better as her savings rose and rose. Her health may tank from time to time while living cheap, but she figured she took decent care of herself to balance it all out....She hesitated to turn the water off, knowing her breathing was going to grow harsher once she did.

And the next thing she new she was in her bedroom, work clothes halfway on, khaki pants barely held up by an unbuckled belt and work shirt still rolled up, hinging on the slight dip between her chest and her stomach; disheveled even by the standards of being half dressed. Anya had no clue how she was going to make it through the day, especially being around patients; they would provide masks for her of course, and given that she most likely wasn't totally sick she'd be fine with that. Adjusting her clothes, she checked the time. 

If she was going to make it, she'd have to leave ASAP. With a sniffle, she draped her lanyard with her ID around her neck and stepped out, not even remembering to lock the door behind her.

----

It was unusually cold outside today. It wasn't supposed to be, but Anya still felt herself shiver softly as she sat in her car. She had yet to leave the parking lot of her apartment, the car idling in order to warm up before she cast herself to the road and prayed she wouldn't nearly fall asleep.

That was a new development, she thought with a groan, taking her glasses off to rub her eyes. Her eyesight was blurred and white-lined, as if something had fallen into her eye and sat there. She recognized the white spots from earlier getting worse, a sure sign a migraine was inescapable, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. If it came down to it, she was going to be in a hospital. She could just take some medicine and tough it out, because by god she wasn't sick, it was just a headache....and a twinge of chest congestion.

A knock at her window yanked Anya from her thoughts, causing her to nearly bump her already aching head before whipping around to look at who dared to hold her up from getting to work. Brown eyes stares through the foggy glass, brows furrowed in concern...Daisuke. He must had caught on to something concerning to be out here at this nasty hour of the morning, especially when it was a weekend and he rarely got up before noon. Scowling ever so slightly, Anya rolled the window down.

"Man you look like shit." were the first words out of his mouth....Who the hell starts a conversation like that, Anya thought, but just shook her head.

"You're not exactly the hottest shit." she snipped back in an attempt to reach his level of lowbrow humor. Anya was nervous when she noticed no change in Daisuke's concerned expression at what would usually get a cackle or a glare.

"Wanna tell me why you've just been sitting here idling your car for the past fifteen minutes?" he asked, leaning on the door. Anya gasped softly. Fifteen minutes?? Fuck she was already late! The sudden spike in her anxiety made her chest hitch before breaking into another croaky cough.

"Are you a cop all of a sudden?" she asked instead of addressing the coughing fit, holding one eye closed against the throbbing pain suddenly spiking through her skull. Daisuke shook his head in what looked like Swansea-style disappointment.

"You gotta call your boss, girly." he said, putting his hands on his hips. "You look like a newborn horse, all shaky and shit."

"I'm not shaky." Anya defended, shoving her (shaking) hands into her pockets. "And never ever compare me to a horse again."

Still unphased, Daisuke stepped back as he opened her car door. "A'ight. I wont call you a horse again if you march back to your apartment and tell your boss you're not coming in."

"Killjoy." Anya coughed.

---

She didn't actually remember turning her car off and getting out of it. She didn't remember Daisuke walking her back to her apartment talking about getting someone 'better suited' to come help her out with this. She didn't remember seeing him dial a number on his phone as he led her to her couch to lay down, and she was too bleary to hear who he was talking to. All she could register were the words 'Anya', 'sick', 'you....know....how' and 'deal with her'.

Did Daisuke just call a fucking hit out on her? If she wasn't slipping halfway into a migraine driven delirium she'd have laughed at that little joke, but as her eyes were being overtaken by whiteness all she could do was groan a little. Daisuke wasn't stupid, she sighed internally- he was willing to admit it before she was: She was sick as a fucking dog and she felt like getting put down like one.

She groaned again as he patted her on the shoulder, talking about how he had to run a couple errands, but he was going to get her some soup while he was out and someone (her ears chose that moment to rumble as her eyes watered) was coming to make sure she was okay while he was gone.

She closed her eyes.

---

Anya opened her eyes to the sound of something heavy thumping on her living room floor. She wanted to draw in a breath but was met with heavy resistance from her swelled sinuses and angry throat, doubling over and hacking heavily. The thumping increased in frequency, getting louder as it grew closer for the few seconds it took for her to register it as footsteps. Something heavy rested on her back, a hand, but not slender like Daisukes or even thick like Swansea's; as gentle as the touch was, the hand was heavy and very very....inorganic.

Her eyes traveled to the side, her own meeting one single ball of bright, icy blue framed by glossy pink eyelids.

"Curly?" she croaked, trying to sit up faster than her body wanted to allow her and nearly being caught off guard by a dizzy spell. "How'd you get in?" One of the ex captains prosthetic hands caught her shoulders, an attempt to be gentle and hold her steady feeling more like a vice holding her in place.

"You don't remembering telling me to come in?" He asked, eye softening in sympathy. "Damn...You're in pretty rough shape." came his soft, raspy voice, contrasting the rough grip he had on her. A year of voice training to re-learn how to talk after scorching his larynx was doing him wonders, but Anya still had to strain her ears to hear him. And all that straining just to hear something she already knew.

"You're the definition of looking rough." Anya said before she could catch herself with the snarky remark. Thankfully, Curly answered it with a wheezing laugh. It didn't stop Anya's cheeks from burning with a bit of shame for poking fun at him. While modern medicine was a miracle in this day and age, Curly was never going to be the handsome fellow he once was. Scar tissue still made up most of his body's surface, synthetic and organic skin grafts at least granting him some eyelids and lips (lips he currently kept hidden behind a medical mask; it wasn't unusual for him to wear them, but particularly now Anya noted it was for the best). Patchy blonde hair was beginning to grow on his head, but even when it grew out he kept it far shorter than before.

At least that Pony Express hush money gave him the down payment on some sweet, top of the line prosthetics. He was their personal biggest victim, after all, even before their negligence contributed to the incident spiraling as bad as it did. The least they could do was pay for the most expensive of his treatments. They were efficient, digits interchangeable for whatever they were needed for, and one of Anya's favorite things to study during Curly's lengthy recovery. The only downside? They were extremely heavy.

So heavy in fact that every footstep Curly took reverberated through her aching skull, and the hand resting on her shoulder felt like it was about to crush her. Anya shrugged, signaling for Curly to move his hand off of her and he quickly obliged, stepping back and not even noticing Anya cringing as his feet thumped against the hardwood. "Daisuke called me, said you were being stubborn and trying to go ahead to work." he said, crossing metal arms over his chest. "A skilled nurse like you should know when to stay home, yeah?" No matter how fried the man got, he was always going to find some way to poke at her. Maybe that 'looking rough' comment was completely warranted.

"Thought there were more important things to take care of." Anya said. "Some of us need paychecks, Grant."

"I know that, but what good's a paycheck if you work yourself into an early grave- Ah. Sorry." Curly cut himself off at the comment. Ever since the incident, he wasn't the most fond of death related jokes, but even still when he'd make one he would always apologize as if he were offending or triggering one of them. Some weird mind trick, Anya guessed, to justify having feelings himself on the matter. Easier to assert it as a boundary and stop himself if he acted like he was asserting it for someone else.

"Who said I had any intention of that?" Anya asked, sitting up and covering her eyes against the incoming vertigo, followed closely by more loud thumping of Curly's heavy foot falls as he went to do something. "Curly please. Please sit down." she groaned. A pause in the footsteps, before she heard them again slower and a little...quieter? Maybe? She didn't have to look to know he was attempting to tip-toe in them as he finished whatever task was at hand.

He was silly, Anya noted behind the veil of pain. All that recovery time and he was still simultaneously one of the smartest yet dumbest men she knew. She was pulled from her thoughts by the feeling of something warm pressed to her hand. "Careful." Curly said as she opened her eyes and reached to take the offered tea. "It's gonna be hot, so take easy sips now."

"You didn't have to do that." Anya said, cheeks flushing with more than a potential fever. She could tell from the smell of it that it wasn't the right kind of tea for any medicinal use; it smelled like one of her Earl Grey packets she kept for breakfast, but the thought was sweet enough that she wasn't going to turn it down. His eye crinkled with a hidden smile as he moved to sit next to her on the couch.

"Well, it's the least I can do. I don't even think this can begin to count as returning the favor." he chuckled. Anya squinted at him, a small frown forming on her lips.

"We're not going to do this right now, right?" she asked, earning a small look of alarm from her ex captain. "It's been almost two years, Curly. We're not going to go the rest of our lives acting like you owe some sort of debt to me now, yeah?"

"Well it's not like I can go the rest of my life pretending I don't." he answered softly, fake hands balling into blocky fists in his lap. "Maybe this isn't the best time to talk about it." he began, "But I need you to understand, the lot of you three have had over a year to reflect on it all. I haven't had that, even without factoring in...." he flexed his hand to show his point. Anya nodded, her admittedly tiny flame about the topic dying. She figured both of their points were made at the very least. Curly seemed to reach the same conclusion, so instead of continuing further he asked, "Do you feel like you can eat anything?"

"Maybe some soup...Daisuke said he'd bring some, but who knows what he's been distracted by...."

"Ah well. Try to rest in the meantime."

----

About an hour passed when Anya woke up again to complete darkness- almost unnatural darkness as she realized with a small jolt of panic that something was covering her eyes. She drew in a shallow breath as she attempted to raise up, only to be met with a weight on her chest that was holding her down. "Guh-"

The weight was lifted suddenly and she shot up, wheezing. At the same time, something wet fell off her face, uncovering her eyes- it was a wet rag. Someone had rested it across her eyes while she slept, probably having been much warmer at the time, and she realized with a sigh of relief that it had been placed there in an attempt to soothe her sinuses. At the same time she realized the weight was in fact her beloved Marigold attempting to comfort her as the cat shifted from her chest to the couch arm beside her head. 

She looked around the room. The overhead light had been turned off in favor of the much dimmer lamp. Her TV was on, volume low but another source of easy light. Her headache was only slightly diluted, so she appreciated the care.

Anya looked down at her coffee table, what remained of her tea having gotten cold. The cup was being used to pin down a paper- a note in Daisuke's handwriting.

Anya,

Me and Curls are running some errands together because I couldn't find the soup you liked and he knows more stuff about colds. Be back soon! 

P.S. New episode of 'Cartilage' is coming on soon so I left the T.V. on.

P.S.S. Swansea caught wind and is having Ellen make you some food to send too.

Anya smiled fondly as she read the letter. She would have never guessed this was how her life would go. Especially when she was with this group the first time around, stranded, suffering, pregnant.....A significantly darker thought seemed to slither through her mind.

If only they'd all been this attentive the first time around, maybe.....a light shake of her head. It was different now, and she wasn't going to recover if she kept letting herself slide down this mindset; maybe when she was alone, but not right now. Now she sat in her apartment with her cat as she waited for her friends to bring her soup and homemade food, and for her favorite show to come on. Her head pounded, and she was probably going to have to go to the doctor when she felt she could open her eyes against the light, but for now she was allowed her rest.

A knock on her door alerted her to visitors, but the bickering of a raspy voice and a boyish one immediately made her relax as her door opened with the rustling of shopping bags and heavy mechanical footsteps.

Worst moments were had, and as it stood there were no monsters here.