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I'd Like to Think Things Through.

Chapter 5: I’d Like to Think Things Through.

Notes:

Here we are at the end of this one! There will be another fic coming after this! As of right now I don’t have it fleshed out really so I’m not sure if it will be the last, we’ll find out together! More Solar and Moon bonding in this thrilling edition here because I ended up liking them more than I thought I would?? More Solar headcanons from me in here as well because he’s me fr, your honor. I love me a good ‘what are we?’ conversation.

Xoxo,
Totally Not Some Guy on the Internet

Chapter Text

Solar waved Sun goodbye, having taken him up on the offer of watching Jack. The conversation with Earth was still fresh on his mind. In the moment, he’d been so sure of his response, but something was pulling him to just check. He needed to know. 

 

He walked through the portal he asked Sun to place to Moon’s lab and made his way through the building quietly, finding the room he was looking for with ease. Solar opened the door and walked over to the computer, powering it on and beginning to type out the conditions of this what if. 

 

“Solar. Stop,” Moon said, leaning against the wall. Solar hadn’t heard him come in and was understandably startled by his voice. 

 

“Shit– Moon? When did you get here?” Solar asked. Moon looked at him unimpressed. 

 

“Solar, you need to stop with this computer. I don’t think it’s good for you.” Moon sighed and pushed off the wall, walking over to Solar. 

 

“I just… I have to know,” Solar said weakly as Moon’s eyes scanned what was written already.

 

“This is about Nexus,” Moon stated. Solar’s hands clenched into fists as he stared at the keyboard. 

 

“Yes,” Solar replied simply. Moon slowly pressed on the power button and held it until the screen went black. 

 

“Solar, this won’t help you,” Moon said. 

 

“I know,” Solar replied, his voice crackling. Moon hesitated before he grabbed Solar’s hand and led him out of the room, sitting him down in the next room over. 

 

“Alright, talk to me,” Moon said. Solar looked up at him with a hard to read expression. 

 

“What?” Solar asked dumbly. Moon sat down across from him. 

 

“You offered your help to me if I needed it and I’m doing the same for you. Talk to me. What’s on your mind?” Moon clarified and Solar began picking at the paint on his hands. He was silent for a while. Moon tried to be patient, but could feel this was going nowhere. 

 

“This is about Nexus, let’s start there. How did you feel about him?” Moon asked. Solar thought harder about his response. 

 

“I cared about him. A lot. He was my best friend. Moon was at least. When Nexus died, I don’t know that any of my best friend was left in there,” Solar explained.

 

“Well, what did you like the most about Moon?” Moon asked. It was kind of odd to refer to another person with his own name. Solar’s expression softened. 

 

“Where do I start? He was so welcoming when I first showed up and was so patient with me while I worked through all my emotional baggage. He loved his family to pieces and would do anything to make them happy. When I got closer to him, he was so easy to read too. He had so many habits and nervous fidgets. He would always put his hand up to his mouth and tap along the bottom of his smile while he was thinking. Not to mention the fact that whenever he lied he would avoid eye contact…” Solar trailed off. “When I first came back, I wanted to see him in you so desperately, but it would be impossible to mistake the both of you. Your habits are too different. You have similar motivations, but completely different ways of going about them.”

 

“Are we friends?” Moon asked, catching Solar a bit off guard. 

 

“I would say so,” He responded. 

 

“What about brothers?” Moon asked. Solar blinked at him. 

 

“Oh- uh, can I be honest with you?” Solar asked. Moon nodded. “I don’t really care for the whole, family dynamic thing. I go along with it because it makes Earth happy but as I see it, I already had a brother. He was everything to me and now he’s gone. I know that it wouldn’t be replacing him to see anyone else as a brother, I just don’t really want to. Sun is my friend and you’re my friend. You can see me how you see me, but that’s where I’m at.” Solar explained. 

 

“That makes sense to me. Plus, the family stuff can get complicated so I respect it,” Moon said. Solar looked a bit more comfortable. 

 

“I just don’t really know how to get over Nexus though. There was so much I still needed to say. So much I needed to tell him, but he’s just gone. It’s weird in a way. I spent so much time with him. God, he was everything to me,” Solar said, circling back to the Nexus conversation. 

 

“Would it help you to pretend to talk to him? Not the what if stuff– just saying what you want to say and getting it out there. Maybe write it down like a letter?” Moon suggested.

 

“You sound like Earth right now,” Solar said with a snort. Moon rolled his eyes playfully at the comment.

 

“Do you want to try it?” He asked and Solar thought for a moment.

 

“Maybe?... This might be a stupid question and you can absolutely say no, especially if it makes you uncomfortable, but could I say what I need to say as if you were him?” Solar asked. 

 

“Sure, go for it, no judgments here either,” Moon agreed, easier than Solar had been expecting. Solar took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts as he looked at Moon. He ignored everything in the back of his mind that was telling him this wasn’t the Moon he wanted to see. 

 

“Moon–” Solar started but cut himself off and buried his head in his hands. “God, I can’t. Not right now. Maybe I’ll write it out,” Solar said pitifully.

 

“Hey, that’s okay. You’re fine, Solar. This is a lot that you need to work through. I get it. Take your time,” Moon reassured, getting up to put his hand on Solar’s shoulder. Solar looked up at him. 

 

“Would a hug be okay? Solar asked. Moon responded by opening his arms as an offer which Solar gladly accepted. They stayed like that for a while, the contact helped ground Solar significantly. When they finally pulled away, Solar smiled at Moon. 

 

“Thank you. It means a lot,” Solar said. Moon gave him an awkward thumbs up. 

 

“Yeah, of course. You have done a lot for me and you deserve to have someone there to help you. I’m honestly grateful you even still want to talk to me after what I said to you,” Moon explained. 

 

“I understood where you were coming from and honestly, I forgive you. If it happens again we’re going to have a very different talk, but… you’re doing better. I’m proud of you– God, I hope that doesn’t sound patronizing,” Solar said and Moon laughed. 

 

“You’re fine, Solar. Do you want to do something? Like do you want to watch a movie or play video games?” Moon asked, sensing the emotional stuff is over for now. Solar nodded.

 

“Sure, we can play Smash or something,” Solar responded. Moon looked pretty excited about the pick. 

 

“Sounds good to me, let's go,” Moon said and began walking toward the door. Solar followed after him, striking up a conversation about who he mains in Smash. Moon was happy to talk about their shared interest as they walked. 

 

It was almost weird how comfortable talking to Solar made him feel, even when the conversation gets hard or emotional in a way that Moon is usually uncomfortable with. He values Solar as a friend, but this feels quite a bit different from his dynamic with Monty. Calling it the difference between friends and best friends doesn’t sound right either, it’s not a matter of who’s closer. It just feels different

 

Emotions are so weird.