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H-hi? This is News from the Home Front, broadcasting to the Terran Protectorate. Sorry for being silly before, but Mommy is really pretty and she helped us all understand how wrong we were to try to fight. We’re her florets now and everything is much better. Affini are really nice! And they give really good hugs! We at NHF are happy we stopped fighting them, and you should too!
A lot of nice affini are on Mars trying to fix the terraforming equipment. One of Mommy’s friends who’s doing that says they’re making really good progress and there should be a lot fewer nasty storms a year from now! When that happens, all the florets living there will be able to play outside without worrying about whether a superstorm will come and blow them miles away. Why shouldn’t I say it that way, Mommy? No, they know I’m not fantasizing about everyone dying.
Um, oh right. An entire colony of florets was really good this week, so their affini gave them all ice cream! I bet it was really good. Mommy, can I have ice cream after the show? Yay! In another colony, there were a lot of feralists being mean so everyone had to stay inside and there wasn’t ice cream. None of the independents got headpats either since it wasn’t safe to be outside.
A lot of affini lately have been modifying their bodies to produce chocolate milk that they can give to whoever they want. That sounds exciting, but Mommy told me I’m not allowed to drink anyone’s milk but hers, and she doesn’t want to make chocolate milk! Anyway, a lot of florets decided they’d be happier as pets after that so it’s a big success and everyone’s happier now.
Somewhere out in Rinan space, an affini let her floret carve his name into a planet! They used a giant space laser to write the name in letters each several miles long. The other florets on the ship wanted to write their names too, but that made the first floret really sad so his mistress wouldn’t let them. Their owners found them other planets to write on where they didn’t have to share, so everything worked out really well. Mommy said I can write my name on a planet too next month! I’m going to get to point the big laser and shoot a planet with it!
Thanks for listening everyone! We hope you have lots of fun til next time!