Chapter Text
Solas found himself taking breakfast alone in the large circular central chamber, having left Ellana in bed to enjoy a long sleep in. She had looked so comfortable, a warm pink flush to her cheeks and her hair wild and messy after the previous nights’ exertions. She had been insatiable lately, reaching for him again and again, and he was always only too eager to oblige. She didn’t stir when he slipped gently out from her embrace, padding softly across the room to throw on a pair of leggings and a tunic as he always did.
Now he sipped his tea delicately, the almost scalding brew leaving his lips sweet and warm. He sat regarding the letter before him, a thick tan envelope with her name and no return address. He had found it lying on the table that morning, evidently left by the Caretaker at some time in the night. He was unsure if it was from her clan or her prior second-in-command, but knew she would handle it with trepidation either way. A small piece of him wanted to tear open the letter and read it, to throw it away if it contained cruel barbs or insults. But he would never hide the truth from her again, no matter how hurtful.
He heard the Vi’Revas stir in the hallway beyond the main hall, knowing it signalled the return of Emmrich and Rook from their sudden secondment away on duty with the Mourn Watch. He nodded to himself, dragging himself quickly out of the high-backed chair and crossing the room in short time. He met them in the dark hallway, surprising them both as he swung open the door quickly.
He took in Emmrich’s impeccably coiffed hair and neat moustache, the look somewhat tainted by the copious ichor and bone meal dusting his black armour. Rook looked just the same, her mage armour slashed across the front and her hair wild. They had obviously just come from some combat situation, making a beeline for the safety of the Lighthouse. They both looked shocked to see Solas standing there, as he moved to lean casually against the doorframe as if he had been waiting for them.
And indeed he had, he had been awaiting their return for days since the Caretaker offhandedly mentioned dwellers moving about the Crossroads taking the paths well travelled. He suspected this would not be an easy conversation, and likely he would have to humble himself before Rook. It was a displeasing prospect, but the sacrifice would hopefully prove worthy. Neither Solas or Rook seemed to wish to speak first, Emmrich looking between the two quickly to gauge the feel of the room before speaking up slowly.
“Solas, our sincere apologies for both leaving and returning without notice. Our work with the Mourn Watch was critical, and then we thought to return here quickly to enjoy the comforts of home.” He threw a placating look quickly at Rook then, who was glaring at Solas with a mixture of open dislike and mocking humour. “The comforts of your home, I should say. I trust all is well with you and Ellana…?” He trailed off, as Rook continued to silently glare daggers at Solas. Solas nodded quietly to Emmrich, regarding the other man with a polite look.
“Thank you, Professor.” He threw a quick look of disdain at Rook before continuing, “I do appreciate your concern for Ellana, she is faring very well. I actually wished to ask something of the pair of you, if we could talk quickly. I do not want Ellana to overhear, as it pertains to her.”
Rook frowned at that, finally speaking up. “Is that why you’ve ambushed us here, so you can sneak around making plans without your wife? You’ve been with her all of about a year, she’s just about to push out your babies and you’re lying to her already? Gods, you’re just the worst. You can’t help yourself but lie can you?” She was seething, her hand subconsciously inching toward the dagger at her hip.
Solas just shook his head, looking exasperated but internally he felt a mild twinge of panic at the word 'babies', thrown around so casually. It was true they did not have many weeks left before her time, and they still had much to prepare before their arrival. He steadfastly ignored Rook, turning instead to Emmrich. “I do not understand what you see in her, honestly.”
“This is not productive, Solas.” Emmrich chastised, giving Solas a pointed look. He stood with his hands clasped, the picture of impartiality but Solas knew he would vigorously defend the young woman who so stole his heart.
Solas leaned his back against the heavy oak door to the main chamber, keeping it closed so Ellana could not interrupt them. He sighed, then took a deep breath, regarding the wretched young woman in front of him. He needed her help and he knew she would enjoy his asking for it. He decided for honesty then, speaking earnestly, to a point just above Rook’s head.
“Ellana is born from your world, born mortal in your realm and lived that way for many years. Rook, as a Dalish elf I’m sure you understand how important that world is to her. The simple pleasures of nature - the stars overhead, the cool water of a stream, the smell of the pine forest and the feel of the sun on the skin. I know she feels the absence of these things, the small minutiae of her life from before that she didn’t think she would miss.”
Rook’s posture had relaxed a touch, her hand moving away from the dagger to grasp Emmrich’s offered hand instead. She nodded to Solas to continue, her face thoughtful though still scowling.
“There is a place I wish to take her, in your world, past the veil. It is of course no trouble for us to travel there using the Vi’Revas, however traversing the Crossroads can be dangerous and the…location is not somewhere I have been since waking. It may be overrun with a myriad of beasts or creatures, or it may continue to be abandoned.” He spoke softly, wanting the two of them to realise this meant a great deal to him, no small thing or easy ask.
Solas braced himself, cringing inwardly as he tried to think of the best way to ask a favour from a woman he had manipulated and betrayed for months. He knew she would enjoy this, and he wanted to give her no satisfaction. He was doing this for his wife, a surprise to soothe her yearning desire, and the joy on her face would make the torment all worthwhile.
“I would ask a favour of the both of you. If I give you the location and the best direction I have, would you clear the way so that I may take Ellana there? The location will require transit through several eluvians in sequence, and the lyrium dagger and passphrase to access. I hope for this to be a surprise for her, I do not wish for her to know about it. Neither do I feel safe to leave her here alone.”
He lowered his chin slightly then, nodding to both of them as he let them consider his words. His heart was thudding dully in his chest, anxious at their expected reactions. The consternation that followed was entirely overblown, in his opinion.
“Really? After everything you’ve done you’re asking me for a favour?” Rook shouted, her voice echoing down the vast hallway.
Solas gave her a withering glare before he quietly reprimanded her. “Do not raise your voice at me in my own home, Rook. You are a guest here, do not forget.”
She started to speak again before Emmrich put a calming hand on her wrist and she glanced up quickly at him. “Dearest, don’t think of this as doing him a favour. We would be doing this for her, yes? And it should be an excellent excuse to practice some manifestation with Manfred. Perhaps young master Cole would even like to tag along, we could take a lovely little trip and be back before you know it.” He spoke smoothly, brushing back a loose strand of her hair as he did. She calmed under his touch, letting out a long sigh.
Rook looked appraisingly at Solas then, still standing with his back leaning against the heavy oak door. She folded her arms across her chest, looking as though she was wrestling with what she wanted to do versus what she knew was right.
“You must really love her, to lower yourself to come begging for my help.” She finally said.
“I am not-” He started hotly before cutting himself off with a sigh. “Yes, I love her more than I can put into words. She is my hope and my heart.” He absent-mindedly traced a finger across his silvery vallaslin, a small smile coming to his lips unbidden.
They were quiet for a moment, before Solas spoke up again. “So, will you do it?” He asked earnestly.
“Fine,” Rook sighed. But I’m taking a bath first, I’m covered in revenant.
Rook and Emmrich emerged several hours later, following a bath and some time spent together in the meditation room which had become their private space. By that time Ellana had finally made it out of bed, taking a meal of fruit and cheese in the library with Solas.
Emmrich came to the library door, ducking his head in to say a hasty goodbye to the pair.
“Please accept our apologies for dropping in unannounced and then back out again but pressing business to attend. We will be back shortly, I am sure.” He said smoothly, waving a gentle hand at Ellana reclining on the comfortable sofa.
Solas made to stand, coming over to ostensibly shake the older man’s hand. He pushed a folded letter into his palm, mouthing a silent thank you as he said his goodbyes before pushing the library door closed.
He came back to her then, settling in behind her on the sofa, pulling her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her ever-growing middle, and pressed a kiss to her temple. Inwardly he was excited, eagerly awaiting when the unusual group of adventurers would return from their trip. He hoped he would not have to wait long, though he knew they would have at least a full day before they were expected back.
As they lay comfortably on the sofa together, he moved his hands into her hair, pulling his fingers through to gently loosen the knots. He separated her long hair into sections, weaving them into a loose braid as she relaxed against him, murmuring appreciatively. He circled his arm around her belly, bringing his hands under her bump to lift the weight of it from her. He heard and felt her relieved exhale and he smiled to himself, happy he could carry this burden for a short time.
“Ar lath ma, vhenan. So much, you could never know.” She breathed, snuggling close against him. His heart felt so full it could burst as he held her, his fierce precious Hope. He brought his lips to brush softly against her temple.
“Ar lath ma tas, ma’las.” He murmured, sending her the feeling across their bond and feeling it back from her just as intense.
“Much as I wish to never move from here, I believe we have something we can be doing. I would quite appreciate your help for it, if you are feeling up to it.” He continued, murmuring close to her ear.
She pulled away slightly then, his hands falling from her belly as she sat forward. She turned to him, a slight frown on her face.
“If I’m feeling up to it? I’m not ill Solas, I feel fine.” She replied, shaking her head. She paused for a moment, before her eyes took on the wicked gleam they always did when she tried to tease him. “I was just tired this morning, and that is entirely your fault, my heart. You’re the one who kept me up all night”
He scoffed, raising an eyebrow at her. “I did no such thing, you were the one who started undressing me first. Would have been rude for me not to oblige, would it not? Ravaging your body was just an enjoyable side benefit” He teased her, seeing the tips of her ears go a dusky pink. To him it was delightful to see that even though they were bonded and she was carrying his children she still had the capacity to be nervous for him. It was so endearing, it made his heart sing with joy for her. He sent that feeling to her too, and saw her blush deepen.
She smacked him playfully with a cushion, which had the desired effect of shutting him up. She laughed heartily at his dumbstruck expression as the pillow fell away, before squealing as he grabbed her and pressed a bunch of noisy kisses against her cheek and neck. They both continued to laugh then, caught up in the moment and each other.
“Come, ma’las. Enough procrastinating, we have work to do.” He said softly, moving to pull away from her and lift them both up.
She almost pouted then, and turned to face him before dragging her hand down his chest and belly toward the waistband of his leggings. She raised an eyebrow at him, in a silent question. He moved his hand to close over hers, smiling gently but still resolute.
“Later, my heart. I will do anything you want, but I promise you we have pressing matters to attend to right now and I want you with me.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, and then lifted up off the sofa taking her with him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, letting his hands settle against the curve of her bum. He gave her rump a fond squeeze and she laughed, finally relenting.
“Alright, point made.” She sighed dramatically, before bringing her lips to his for a quick kiss. “Lead the way, my heart.”
He took her hand, and they navigated through the Lighthouse to their private bedchamber.
Their chamber looked as it always did, a circular room with a large central bed covered in soft furs. A large round tub by the balcony door, a messy desk covered in documents and other keepsakes flanked by two large wolf statues, and a wardrobe containing clothing at one end. The elaborate fresco of their first time at Crestwood, where he took her vallaslin and her heart, remained above the bed. It did not hurt as it used to, the painting dwarfed by the enormous one in the main hall of their ritual joining at the same place.
They came to stand, hand-in-hand, by a bare stretch of the north-facing wall. Solas turned to her, taking a moment to consider the correct words. His heart pounded a dull thud in his chest, nervous but unsure exactly why. He pushed it down, finding comfort in the truth of what he knew and could share with her. She felt he was preparing for a lecture, and she stood waiting attentively, eager to hear it.
“As you know, the Fade can be moulded and sculpted by a skilled hand to suit the needs of the user. This Lighthouse has stood for millennia, created long before my rebellion. It was both a safe place for me, and a place of solitude. When I rebelled, Felassan made this place more than a home for countless numbers of elvhen and spirits- a welcoming refuge, a training ground, a place to study and practice magic. The Slow Arrow welcomed all who would join the cause, turning them into agents and spies, both keeping them safe and sending them into danger.”
He paused, taking a lock of her hair and twirling it in his fingers idly as he stood remembering. She stood, eyes locked to his, waiting for him to continue. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and smiled when his eyes came to find hers. He took a deep breath before continuing.
“When I locked away the Evanuris and inadvertently raised the Veil I was so weakened I fell into my uthenera almost immediately. I did not have adequate time to seek out this place, or Felassan. This place had changed in that time, no longer a vibrant hub of activity but an almost empty husk fraught with loss and pain. I used many people and spirits in my mission to secure the Evanuris. Many who came to join my cause here were lost.” His face was a mask of anguish now, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and he let out a breath forcefully.
“This place remained unchanged until I returned, several years ago. I severed much of it, pieces I felt were extraneous and unnecessary. The barracks, the training grounds and others. I only kept what was essential for me, using the space as I did to display my regrets, both ones I wanted to forget and others I wanted to remember.” He glanced over his shoulder at the exquisite mural of them at Crestwood, a critical turning point in their time together. He stood up straighter, bringing his gaze back to her.
“This place no longer suits its purpose, ma’las.” He said softly, coming to press his hands against the curve of her belly. “We need to create a space for them, I will show you how. I want us to do this together.”
She only nodded as he pulled back gently, turning back to face the empty expanse of wall. He raised his left hand, motioning for her to do the same with her right. She copied him, in a mirror image of the gesture.
“Imagine an open archway here, towering almost to the ceiling, wide and golden-trimmed. A heavy oak door standing in the frame, two names etched into the wood in a shining platinum. A room beyond, with space for two girls to live and grow and play together. Two halves of the same spirit, destined to never be alone in this world or any other.” He whispered to her, his hand grasping hers so tightly.
“I have it in my mind, ma’len.” She whispered back, moving to him to press her lips against his softly. He spoke directly into her mind, unwilling to pull away from her.
Make it manifest, ma’las . Bring it forth and make it real, here in the Fade.
They both closed their eyes, each with an arm raised, concentrating on manifesting the changes into reality. Their lips stayed joined, becoming a desperate bruising pressure as she leaned into him. His heart raced in his chest and he could feel her pulse quicken against his fingers as he grasped her hand. He felt the magic flow from them both and settle in the air around them. Finally their lips parted as she pulled away gently. He opened his eyes to see her looking straight ahead, through an open doorway into a new room beyond. She moved forward, pulling him through with her.
They stepped into a cosy circular room lit by golden veilfire lamps. There was a comfortable looking daybed covered in furs, and two elaborately carved wooden cots flanked by a statue of a wolf. This was smaller than the ones in their main bedchamber, but it was intricately sculpted of white marble with golden veins, looming high above the cots facing the door protectively. The statue had not been his idea, though his heart sang to see it there. She noticed his proud smile, bringing her hand up to brush her knuckles against his cheek. He let out a breath he didn’t know he held, realising he was apprehensive about her reaction.
“I love it, my heart. And I know they will too. I hope you’re agreeable with the wolf. The cots are just wonderful, I’ve never seen wood of this colour before.” She was delighted, a pink warmth in her cheeks. It was infectious, he couldn’t help but join her when he saw her like this.
“It is an ancient type of tree that used to grow in the forest below Arlathan, my heart. Unfortunately there are only a very small number of places it grows now, and they are mostly hidden away. Groves and sanctuaries, beyond the realm of most everyone except those who know of them.”
“Well, you would be one of the few who would know. I can’t imagine there are many other ancient elvhen currently awoken in Thedas.” She said softly, her hand still resting on his cheek.
He only nodded, not needing to add anything, her observations as astute as ever. He pulled her gently over toward the heavy oak door, leaning against the frame. He closed his eyes for a short moment, manifesting one more thing into being. He thought of his girls and their joined spirit, the first spirit of their type in millennia since Elgar’nan had burned the emotion from the face of the world.
He opened his eyes to see her pleased smile, taking in a heavily platinum engraving at the centre of the door reading “Ara’Vhenas”. There was a clear indication underneath for the addition of two names.
“Perfect.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her waist, nestling her belly safely against him as they stood together, both their minds racing with possibility.
The following day they found themselves taking lunch in the central chamber of the Lighthouse when they heard the eluvian activate, and shortly thereafter Rook came stomping through the hallway to the main hall. She didn’t say anything to Solas or Ellana, just stalked off to the meditation room in stony silence. Emmrich followed suit immediately after, trailed slowly by Manfred who waved as he passed. Emmrich gave the pair a curt nod, his hair was mussed and a great scratch ran down the length of his face. Ellana frowned, calling out to him as he passed them.
“Professor, you’re injured. Can I offer any assistance?” She wore a look of concern, half-raising out of her chair. Emmrich waved his hand gently, motioning for her to sit back down.
“Pay no heed, I will be quite alright. Both Rook and I can handle this sort of injury, though I do need a private word with Solas if possible?” He looked at Solas pointedly, trying not to give anything away. Ellana looked between the two of them with her eyes narrowed but didn’t speak up again.
Solas nodded, moving to follow Emmrich toward the meditation room, dreading how this conversation seemed to be pointing. They came to the heavy oak door and Emmrich knocked twice, with Rook’s voice calling out to enter. They entered, Solas taking a position attempting to lean nonchalantly against the doorframe as far from them as possible. She had evidently not liked their tastes here, all of the changes Ellana and he had made to the decoration were replaced by simple Dalish ones. The daybed remained though, and the tables covered in keepsakes.
Solas couldn’t help but remember the time he and Ellana had spent there, as he bent her over one of the tables, keepsakes strewn to the floor. He swallowed hard, bringing him back to the present. Rook fixed him with a glower as she moved to sit on the daybed, Emmrich coming to join her quickly.
“You didn’t say we would be fighting our way through the Crossroads to an ancient elvhen grove!” She finally spit out.
Solas didn’t take the bait, remaining calm, continuing his casual lean against the doorframe. “I am ancient elf, it should not have come as a surprise. As for fighting your way through, I did warn you that I had not been there a very long time and did not know if it had changed. I did tell you to expect fighting though, and in any case you’ve returned so am I to assume you were successful?” He raised an eyebrow, letting the question sit for them.
“Yes, we cleared the way from here via the Crossroads. The directions were as you said, three pairs of Eluvians and then a short walk to the grove hidden by an enchantment.” She sighed, before continuing. “You really owe us for this, I chipped a tooth and got a new scar fighting a Vengeance demon in the Crossroads. Also, I can’t believe your idea of a romantic night away for your wife is an ancient grove dedicated to you, talk about Pride.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
Solas bristled at that, his face pulling into a scowl. “It is a special place, dedicated to me by a close friend. It was a sanctuary, never a place of worship, and it has nothing to do with my Pride. I only want her to enjoy the beauty of the place.” He said, unsure why he was even bothering to explain himself to Rook. But he remembered what the Caretaker said, she would be essential in future and he couldn’t fully burn this bridge.
“It was beautiful.” Rook conceded.
“The veil was thin there, Solas. I could feel the Fade on my skin easier than anywhere I had been in the waking world.” Emmrich said softly, clasping his hands together as Solas noted he did often.
“It did perpetually rain there though, as soon as we stepped into the grove there was a downpour and it stopped as soon as we left. We took refuge in this little log cabin there for a while, it was lovely, actually…” Rook trailed off, smiling at Emmrich.
“The fire was quite a delight after the deluge, indeed.” Emmrich replied, returning her smile.
Solas just nodded, having learned enough, and he turned to leave. With his hand on the door handle he turned back, moving his eyes between the two of them.
“Thank you, both of you. Even if you’re doing it for her, it means a great deal to me. You have my gratitude.” He said softly, before he quickly pushed open the door and stepped out, closing it firmly behind him.
He found Ellana in the kitchen, sitting at the dining room table flicking disinterestedly through a book. He circled around the back of her chair, weaving his arms around her and placing a soft kiss to her temple. A muscle in her jaw ticked, and he pulled back from her slowly, sensing her hurt. Before he had a chance to speak she stood up, turning to face him. Despite the significant height difference he felt cowed in front of her as she crossed her arms and fixed him with a stern look.
“You are hiding something from me. You promised to trust me with the truth, remember?” She said matter-of-factly, her tone obviously hiding an upset.
He winced under her glare, wanting to pull her into his arms but knowing that would just anger her further. Instead he hastened to explain, trying to speak placatingly.
“Yes, ma’las, I have been keeping something from you. But it is only intended to be a pleasant surprise, I promise you. Something for the two of us to enjoy together, that I asked Rook and Emmrich to prepare for me as I did not want to leave you here.”
“Really?” She asked flatly. “And Rook agreed to do that for you? I find that unlikely, Solas.” His heart sank at her expression, and he felt himself needing to explain, to put it right as soon as he could.
“I agree, extremely unlikely. However, Emmrich convinced her to do it for you, I did not factor into the equation.” He replied earnestly, pushing his emotions to her across their bond. He felt her understand the truth then, and her face fell further, tears welling in her eyes.
“Oh, my heart.” He whispered, gathering her finally into his arms. He pulled her gently to rest her head against his chest, his arms tight around her. “It’s alright, I understand the impulse to doubt and do not resent the questions. I have given you ample reason to suspect me in the past, but I made a promise to you. I will never lie to you - directly or by omission-not ever.”
He put two fingers to her chin and lifted her face to his. “You are my world, ma’las, my everything. I will never risk you for a lie.” He pulled her gently to him then, pressing his lips against hers. She was so soft and tasted of something peppery and he revelled in the feeling wondering how he ever managed without her touch for ten long years. He pulled back finally, resting his forehead against hers.
“Ma’las, there is somewhere special I would like us to visit. It is out, in the waking world, on the far side of the Veil. I asked Rook and Emmrich to clear out a path for us so I know it is safe, and we will take some provisions for an overnight stay.” He offered softly.
He caught sight of the look that flashed in her eyes then, and he chuckled. “Well, perhaps provisions for a couple of days. In any case, we don’t have anything pressing here and our time is running short so I thought we could perhaps leave today?”
“I would like that very much, vhenan.” She smiled through her drying tears, a delicate pink flush rising to her cheeks. He sensed her excitement across their bond and he shared his, letting it wrap around her like an embrace.
A while later they found themselves standing hand-in-hand in front of the Vi’Revas, each of them dressed in heavy woollen traveling clothes with a dark hooded cloak thrown over the top. They each carried a pack with provisions, namely food and water, plus some healing potions and herbal remedies should the need arise. Both of them were accomplished mage healers, but sometimes a wound needed more than just magic to heal correctly, and sometimes the herbal poultices helped to dull the pain while the magic took hold. She carried a staff with her, long disused but safer with her than without. Solas no longer needed one to practice his magic like he did when they first met, needing only his hands mould the Fade.
Solas reached out a hand to touch the surface of the mirror, murmuring softly as his eyes flashed bright pale blue. The eluvian flared, and he quickly stepped through pulling her through with him. They both felt the squeeze around their chests like a rubber band, their very being pushed and pulled almost like many hands grabbed them as they moved through the mirror. They they were through, their feet landing on solid stone pavement. They both recognised the strange grey light of the Crossroads - the world between - though she hadn’t been to this part of it before.
His heart thumped a rapid beat, knowing he had left the Fade for the first time since coming there with her, thinking he would be relegated to eternity there in a prison of his regrets. Thinking he had damned her to the same, that she had chosen that for herself despite being mortal and far too good for him. But they were here together in the world between, where he was almost equally as comfortable, and where he would be more than happy to guide her. Solas stepped deliberately, moving them hand-in-hand to a long narrow slip of rock, and overhang with a steep drop-off on one side. As they approached a vessel came to meet them, helmed by the Caretaker or another spirit who appeared just the same.
“You are awaited, dwellers. A homecoming of sorts for the two of you.” The spirit said, it’s its usual strange cadence.
Solas stepped aboard, pulling Ellana carefully into his arms as he sat on the wooden bench seat. They placed their packs down and he put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him, her face against his chest, as the vessel took off gently into the grey abyss beyond.