Chapter Text
Snow and mistletoe…
That day, December 20th, Naminé had received a card in the mail. It was from Axel. The cover photo was of a warm hearth with a fire blazing in it, and a curiously lighted tree beside it. “Wishing you a merry Christmas!” the card said. She opened it up, and within it read, “May your season be bright and jolly, and your new year filled with light.” Axel’s signature was at the bottom, along with a short note. “Be sure to come to the snowball fight on Christmas! Roxas and the others will be there. I bet you haven’t seen snow yet, much less tasted it! And I hope I don’t catch you and a certain someone under the mistletoe that day instead…”
Naminé was mildly confused by the card. Christmas? What’s that? Honestly, she didn’t even know what snow was, or mistletoe. Just one more new thing… She was staying at Kairi’s house on Destiny Islands, as she was Kairi’s Nobody and they knew each other quite well. However, Kairi had left before she’d even woken up, and had left nothing but the shortest of notes: “Headed out to search for clues about him. See you later. Lunch is in the fridge!” After Naminé had received the card, she’d used her Gummiphone to text Kairi. “What’s snow? And mistletoe? And what’s Christmas?” she’d asked. She often looked to Kairi for insights on the world that seemed big, new, and almost scary to her. Kairi had become like her older sister. Kairi gave only the shortest of responses to the text, but Naminé got the general idea of what those words meant. She was a little confused about the mistletoe. Who would possibly want to kiss her? And how would Axel know?
Naminé had been around for almost two years now, so technically she had already lived through one Christmas. It had been back when Sora was asleep in his pod, regaining the memories she had muddled up in his mind. Poor Sora , she thought to herself with a sigh. Always falling asleep, always disappearing. Never getting a chance to just… exist. So Sora had missed that Christmas too. But Naminé had never even celebrated a holiday before. She’d just recently gotten ahold of a body of her own. There were so many things she wanted to do and try. She had literally been born less than two years ago. The world was brand new. And she wanted to celebrate Christmas, to have snowball fights and decorate a tree and maybe one day even kiss someone under the mistletoe. She finally understood what all the fancy lights were for around the island town. Christmas was coming, and she was going to be a part of it. It was going to be her first real Christmas.
She wanted to be happy, yet she couldn’t, not really. Sora was still missing, and he wasn’t going to experience Christmas with them. Naminé felt a strange sort of empathy towards Sora. For so long, she and the other Nobodies had been the ones missing out, the ones to be pitied. Now it was Sora. He wasn’t getting the experience and the life he deserved. But because of this, Naminé was also missing out on the peace she so desperately needed – so was everyone. All of Sora’s friends missed him, and no one could truly settle down and enjoy Christmas for what it was supposed to be.
Kairi most of all. As her Nobody, Naminé could feel the deepest yearnings of Kairi’s heart. And sometime during the last week, her heart had all but fallen to pieces. Sora , Naminé could hear, over and over again. Sora. I need to find Sora. Kairi had stopped sleeping, had given up on any form of fun or relaxation. Where before Kairi would spend an hour reading a light book, or listening to music, she now did nothing but work and search for answers. Naminé hadn’t seen her for the past three days. Kairi was always too busy, and her heart screamed for release. Naminé wanted to reach out to her Somebody, calm her and soothe her, and tell her that Sora would come home soon. But Kairi was always gone. Naminé had grown lonely.
Of course, Naminé wanted to find Sora too. He meant a lot to her, even if he had forgotten most of his memories of her. As much as she tried to repress her feelings, she was still jealous of Kairi. Kairi seemed like the ideal, perfect version of her. She was pretty, strong, and smart. And she was real. And she had Sora as a boyfriend. Naminé wanted to be real, too. She wanted to have Sora as her own. But alas, they were just friends now.
But Naminé was determined to make do with what she had and be a great friend.
As she closed her eyes that night, in the soft, warm extra bed in Kairi’s room, she thought about Sora. The window was open, and the salty breeze gently blew her hair around her face. She hugged her pillow tightly, and let herself drift off for the night.
Momentarily, she came to in the city. It was cold, a stark contrast to the warm bedroom on the islands. But she cared more about the white, soft flakes falling through the air, landing on her bare shoulders, on her sandaled feet, on her nose. Every flake that landed on her quickly melted into water. She was in a small alleyway, and she appreciated the fact that she was alone. Alone, watching the white flurries fall from the gray, cloudy sky. Alone, seeing, touching, and – she caught a snowflake in her mouth – tasting snow for the first time.
She always found herself in this city, in her dreams. She didn’t even know its name. It felt so real, as if she was actually standing there, in the cold, in only her summer dress and her sandals. These dreams had started the week – no, the very day of Sora’s disappearance. And occasionally she saw Sora himself. She had always had the ability to tamper with Sora’s memories and those of his friends. She wondered if these were his memories she was seeing, or if this was Sora’s present. But nevertheless, she knew that Sora was in this city, wherever it might be.
And there he was! Walking past the alleyway, on the sidewalk. He looked older now, his brown hair shorter and softer, his blue eyes duller and smaller. He was dressed for the season in a warm winter coat. Naminé rushed over to meet him. “Sora!” she called, but he didn’t seem to notice. As she neared him, she saw another girl walking beside him, with long red hair and bright green eyes, in a long white coat. They were talking to each other.
“Did you have anyone over for Christmas last year?” Sora asked the girl, his voice quieter and more serious than Naminé remembered.
“No,” the girl answered, her voice exasperated yet miserable at the same time. “Not since the last one I had at home.”
Naminé ran to stand in front of Sora. “Sora! It’s me, Naminé! We all miss you back home!” When he continued walking, Naminé reached for his hand. She could feel it, but there was no physical response from Sora’s hand. The skin didn’t even budge at her contact, as if she was incapable of touching or altering anything in this world. She grabbed the hand, and Sora froze.
“Strelitzia? Did you feel that?” Sora said, looking around in confusion.
“Are you okay, Sora?” the girl asked.
Naminé slowly let go of his hand. They couldn’t see her. She knew this wasn’t the time, that she wasn’t supposed to be here. But yet, here she was. It was the story of her life.
“I’m fine,” Sora said, as if trying to forget something bad but important. “Let’s keep going.” They walked away down the sidewalk, and Naminé didn’t follow.
These dreams were always bizarre. Naminé hadn’t told anyone about them. She thought that maybe, just maybe, she stood a chance of finding Sora on her own. She was forgotten about half the time. Maybe if she became the one who found him, the one who saved everyone’s day, not just Sora’s… Maybe she would be noticed. Respected. Wanted.
Loved.
Her thoughts were shattered by the sudden sensation of feeling somebody staring at her. Her head snapped up, her eyes meeting those of another person, across the street. His eyes were a jolting blue-green, eyes that she had stared into before. Eyes that had distracted her in nearly all of their conversations together.
It was Riku.
Riku quickly crossed the empty street to meet her. He was dressed in his usual attire, a short-sleeved jacket and pants, rather than winter gear. This suggested to Naminé that he was like her: a mere traveler taking a brief detour through Sora’s world. “What are you doing here, Naminé?” he asked, almost demanded.
“Watching snow for the first time,” she said nonchalantly, hoping to annoy him a bit. She herself was slightly put off by his initial tone towards her.
Riku sighed. “That’s great and all, but –” He stopped. “Wait, your first time?”
“Yes, my first time,” she repeated blandly.
“Oh, um, well – how is it?” he asked, sheepishly rubbing his shoulder.
“It’s interesting,” Naminé said, letting a little bit of subdued emotion into her words. “And cold. But I like it.”
“That’s… nice,” Riku said, seeming unsure of what to say. Naminé was a master at keeping him on his toes. But he quickly regained his focus. “Anyway. What are you doing here? This is my dream.”
“This is my dream, actually,” Naminé said. “I went to sleep last night. I was the one who woke up here. ”
“But that’s not – I mean, that’s crazy!” Riku said, flustered. “These are my dreams. They’re connected to Sora, somehow. Sometimes I see him. Do you see him, too?” He paused for a moment. When she didn’t answer right away, he crossed his arms. “This isn’t your first dream of him, is it, Naminé?” he said, his words landing flatly.
“No, it isn’t,” she said, folding her arms against the cold.
“How long has this been going on?”
“For quite a while.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Riku said, stepping closer. Naminé stepped back. Riku realized his overstep. “I mean – why didn’t you tell us? You know how much we all miss Sora. What if you’ve been the key to finding him all along?”
Naminé clasped her hands, took a deep breath. “I –”
“I thought you cared about him!”
Naminé sighed, and Riku finally froze. “I’m sorry, I didn’t –”
She looked down at the ground, then up at the snowy sky, before meeting Riku’s ashamed gaze. “I’ve been having these dreams… Ever since Sora disappeared. I didn’t know it at first, that he was here. I… didn’t see him for the first few.” She awkwardly straightened her dress. “And when I did, the first thing I thought was that I should tell Kairi. And you. And everyone else, because it would probably help.” She bit her lip. “But Kairi wasn’t home. I hadn’t seen you in days. No one’s been in contact with me. I’m surprised I even got a card from Axel yesterday. So I thought… Why not try it on my own? Everyone else is looking without me. Why not attempt something by myself?” Riku started to say something, but she stopped him. “It’s not like you told me about these dreams that you are having. Why do I have to tell you about mine?”
“Naminé –”
“I care about Sora too, you know,” she said, more calmly. “I want to be a part of saving him. And I thought, maybe if I became the one who found him, all on my own –” She froze, her hand over her heart. She clenched it into a fist. “Maybe I’d finally be somebody.”
Riku looked at her with sadness, with pity. She didn’t want to be nothing but an object of pity. She wanted to be strong, to be her own person, an autonomous young woman. She wanted to be smart like Kairi, kind like Sora, powerful like Riku. But was she really any of those things? Or… could she possibly already have everything she needed in herself?
At the same time, she wanted the pity. She wanted someone to understand, to listen, even just to talk to. She wanted to be cared about, to be understood, valued, needed. But she was only a nobody, after all. Nothing but a no one.
“You know… You’re right, Riku,” she said, looking at the ground. “What I think… isn’t really important. If I find anything important again, you’ll be the first to know.”
Naminé was genuinely startled when Riku took her hand in his. “No, Naminé. This isn’t right. This isn’t the way it should be.” Then, he got down on his knees on the icy sidewalk, still holding her hand. “Promise me, Naminé. Keep being yourself. I’m sorry for being mad at you. I didn’t have a good reason. I miss Sora too, but – that doesn’t mean I should be taking my frustration out on you. We’re all part of the same team. I promise, Naminé. I’ll do my best to make sure you’re included and informed. You’re not a no one. You don’t have to hold yourself any lower than the rest of us. Please, Naminé. Follow your own path.”
“Follow my own path…” The words yanked on her heartstrings. “I think… I needed to hear that.” Something settled within her chest. Finally, someone had heard her plea. And he had affirmed that it was okay for her to want to be her own person. She wasn’t going crazy. She finally felt real .
Riku stood up, brushing off his pants. “Good. I’m glad I could help.” He looked down, realizing that he was still holding Naminé’s hand. He quickly let go, letting out a nervous chuckle. “Well. On a lighter note, are you coming to the Christmas party on the islands?”
“Hmm?” This was the first Naminé had heard of the party. In addition to that, she had only learned what Christmas was the day before.
“We’re having it at Sora’s house. His family agreed to it, and it’s going to be a celebration for him. The whole thing was Kairi’s idea.”
“A celebration… of his life?” Naminé guessed. “Or… a celebration because he’s coming home?”
“A little bit of both, I think,” Riku said. “Kairi’s dead set on bringing him home for Christmas. When she doesn’t find him – if she doesn’t find him, I just hope she’s not too burnt out. She might end up crying all Christmas.”
“Yes, I can picture that,” Naminé said, clasping her fingers together and pulling them apart, over and over. “I can… feel her pain, Riku. All she thinks about is Sora, and that she needs to find him. It’s just not maintainable. Her heart feels like it’s cracking apart. I want to do something to help her. I want to find Sora – not just for him or me, but for her. I think she’s hurting the most right now.”
Riku nodded. “Of course. But Naminé – this is your first Christmas. I want you to have fun and relax. Of course you can help, but try to put aside some time for yourself too.”
Naminé nodded. “I’ll try,” she said. “Axel invited me to a snowball fight. He said the others will be there too. But he also said something about mistletoe… and me. Who could possibly be thinking about kissing me ?”
Suddenly Riku started coughing, and his face turned all red. “Riku? Are you alright?” she inquired.
Riku finally stopped coughing. “Yeah, I’m good. Maybe Roxas? Or maybe it’s a joke?”
Naminé gave him a curious look. She took his hand, and his face went red. “Riku, I –”
Suddenly she woke up, back in the room on Destiny Islands. It was dark, but the nightlight was on by Kairi’s bed. Kairi was right over there, climbing under the covers. After Kairi turned off the light, Naminé noticed the soft moonlight illuminating her blankets. She looked out to see the moon, only to see a stranger sight. Could it be? Here? A small grin came to her lips. It might have been an unexpected sight, but it was a welcome one.
It was snowing on the Destiny Islands.