Chapter Text
Scully wakes to the familiar smell and warmth that she’d been missing for so many months now. As she opens her eyes, she notices that Mulder isn’t occupying the pillow next to hers, watching her like she’d come to expect from previous nights shared in her bed. He’s still there with her, she can feel his body wrapped around her.
She looks down and finds him wrapped around her belly. His head lies just above it, and she feels his breath and lips ghosting over the top of her bump as he murmurs secrets of the universe to the child within her. He has an arm slung over her, hugging the lower half of her bump, as if to keep the baby close to him.
“That kind of tickles.” Scully says letting him know she’s awake, and one hand comes to rest on the top of his head, the other seeks out his arm resting over her bump.
“Sorry.” He mumbles and presses a kiss to her stomach.
“You’re fine.” She reassures him. It might tickle slightly, but she’d lie like this as long as he needed, “Did you get more sleep?”.
He nods against her. “Some.”
“Good. How are you feeling?”
Mulder shrugs in response, not really knowing how he feels, or how to describe everything that’s been swirling through his mind.
“I thought I should start making up for lost time. So it knows me.”
“They’ll know you, I’ve no doubt about that.” She tells him, fingers lightly scratching his scalp the way he once told her he liked (it was no secret she enjoyed tangling her fingers through his hair either). t’s an almost cosy familiarity, grounding him when there is a lot of unfamiliar he’s been trying to wrap his head around.
“Talk to me Scully.” He requests softly. “Tell me all about the baby.” Baby. It feels weird to voice it, but he’s coming round to the idea slowly. It’s not like it’s something he never wanted, or that they’d never broached. She’d asked for his help with IVF, and of course he’d said yes. And he watched her with that baby in Bellefleur and he’d felt so conflicted. He’d been sad that he couldn’t give her that, and yet convinced they should look for other ways. After all the horrors and tragedy they’d been through, there’s nothing more she deserved than having that family - the baby she’d wanted for so long. He wanted that for her, for them. He would have been ready then, he thinks. And it’s not that he’s not ready now, but there’s usually more time, and appointments, and discussions, and growing and…usually the parents haven’t been abducted, tortured, dead, buried and bought back to life again.
“Okay, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Just…give me a couple of minutes. He…or she, means I have to pee a lot more, and I should grab something to eat. Are you hungry?”
“Oh, I should have thought about that.” Mulder sits up, letting go of her, and feels like that’s something else he’s missed out on. Like, in theory he knows these things happen, or are important, and yet…
“Mulder, please don’t do that.” She tells him and gives him a sad smile. “Do not feel bad for things you don’t know, or have missed. I don’t expect you to suddenly know everything.” Mulder’s lips twist as he nods, trying to take in her words. “Now, are you hungry? I’m going to grab a granola bar and a banana I think. What do you want?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs, as he stands and follows her out of the room. She turns and raises an eyebrow at him.
“Are you my shadow now?” She asks him with a light teasing tone, letting him know she wouldn’t mind too much if he was.
“I uh…I thought I could get the food, while you use the bathroom. Is that okay?” He checks, suddenly hesitant.
“Of course it’s okay.” Suddenly she finds herself blinking back tears, and swallowing the emotions in her throat. He used to be so comfortable here, she wants him to feel that again. He’s trying, she knows that. “Mulder,” She calls out to him just before she shuts herself in the bathroom. “You know where everything is. Help yourself, whatever you want.”
He gives her a small grateful smile and a nod as she closes the door.
“Okay, talk to me Scully.” Mulder says as soon as she finishes her granola bar and places the empty wrapper on her bedside table. She picks up the banana, and tears it open as she watches Mulder tear off small pieces of his granola bar, reluctantly forcing himself to eat it. She’d been surprised when he hadn’t returned with anything for himself, not really like he wanted to eat. Scully tried suggesting just about everything in her kitchen, but nothing really appealed to him, so they compromised on the granola bar. As long as he tried to eat something, that was enough for now.
“What do you want to know?” She asks, as she takes a bite of her banana.
Mulder shrugs. “I guess, everything? What do I need to know? What have I missed?”
“We could be here a long time if I try and tell you everything…” She teases, but nods, understanding it’s important for him to know everything he’s missed. She’ll do her best to summarise all the key parts, and there’ll be time for other bits and pieces later. “So do you remember how I was feeling awful that night in Bellefleur?” Mulder nods, staying quiet and allowing her to continue. “That wasn’t a one off, but it was the start. The first trimester - I was often nauseous and dizzy. Obviously, we didn’t know, wouldn’t have even guessed that’s what caused me to feel so sick, but it was. And then you and Skinner went back, and I stayed behind, and I was with the Lone Gunmen, and I’d figured out they weren’t after me. They didn’t want me. I think when you found me in the forest, maybe they’d rejected me. But there were similarities with the brain scans, and I got so worried for you. But uh, then I collapsed. In the middle of the boardroom, and I think I gave the Gunmen quite the fright. So they’d called an ambulance for me, and when I came to I was desperately trying to get them to call you, call Skinner. I don’t know…after I’d been checked out, Byers came and found me. He wanted to make sure I was alright, but he’d kept trying to call you, and you wouldn’t answer. When he finally got through to Skinner - it was too late. You were gone.” Scully pauses and takes a deep breath.
“I didn’t know what to think. I was still waiting for test results so they wouldn’t let me leave yet, and Byers and I just sat there quietly, not really sure what to say. He excused himself when the nurse and doctor reappeared. They told me that nothing concerning had showed up in the tests they’d run, but they did discover one thing they didn’t think I knew. They told me that I was pregnant, and I think my jaw must have dropped open. I tried to tell them they were wrong, that it wasn’t possible, but they assured me there was no other way to interpret the results. I knew it would be early, too early, but I pushed for an ultrasound, convinced they’d find nothing in my uterus.”
“But they did?”
“They did. Of course, it didn’t look anything like it does now but there was more than the nothing I’d expected. I told them that I’d been told I was infertile, but I guess that’s not entirely true.”
“Yeah, I’m thinking not.” Mulder says nudging her side. “The signs suggest otherwise.”
“Obviously I came around to the idea, and believed them, but I still couldn’t figure out why, or how.”
“No? Well, Scully, when a man and a woman…” He begins, enjoying the opportunity too much to resist.
“Mulder!” She exclaims with a laugh. “You know that’s not what I mean.” He nods with a smile. Of course he knew.
“So I was wrapping my head around the fact that I was pregnant, and that you were…gone. Of course, they’d launched a big investigation into your disappearance, and I was determined to not let things rest until we’d found you. They uncovered a few…surprises. I don’t want to fight about it now, but I was devastated, and really pissed off with you when they found out you were sick and got your name added to your family’s headstone pre-emptively.” Scully pouts and shakes her head, and Mulder at least has the decency to hang his head in shame. He doesn’t have the answers either, except that maybe if he’d told her, he couldn’t keep pretending that it wasn’t happening.
“If you listened to all the voicemails, then you’ll have gathered it’s not all been easy. I probably dealt with far more stress than my doctors would have liked, and they don’t even know about cases like the parasitic slug.” Mulder’s eyes widen in mild alarm, but he lets Scully continue. “I still investigated cases after that but I did step back a bit. I guess I hadn’t realised how much I wanted, needed this, until I was scared I wouldn’t get to keep it. It was like…if I couldn’t have you, at least I’d get to have your baby.”
“And now you’ll get both of us.” Mulder says and then Scully pulls him into a hug as she tries desperately not to cry.
“Thank God.” She whispers against his ear. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“You, and the baby? You’re okay now, right?” He asks her, stroking her hair.
“Yeah, we’re okay.” She soothes. “We’ve had a few extra appointments, but we’re doing okay.” Mulder lets out a little relieved puff of air at her confirmation.
“Oh, wait, I have something to share with you.” She pulls back from the hug, and then pulls out her dresser draw and pulls something out.
“A journal?” Mulder asks seeing the book she pulls out.
“Yeah.” Scully smooths her hands over the journal, preparing to share it with him. “As hard as everything was, I wanted to document everything. Partly, at first, hoping you’d come back and I might want to share some of this with you, and then, also for me to work through my thoughts, and maybe, one day as a keep sake for the baby.”
Scully opens up the first page where it reads ‘You are so wanted, and loved. I have prayed for you and dreamed of you, and I look forward to meeting you, holding you, loving you, and raising you.’
“Above everything, despite all the hardships, even if I didn’t seem happy, I wanted them to know that wasn’t about them. You know how much I wanted this.”
“I do.” He tells her, and reaches out and places a hand on her shoulder. “And they will too.”
“It’s been hard, really hard without you, but I am happy, so happy, about this baby.”
“I know how much this means to you Scully. You don’t need to convince me.” He tells her earnestly, his eyes soft as he gazes at her.
“Sometimes though, I have had to remind myself.” She admits, biting her inner lip.
Mulder doesn’t have the right words to respond, so he just offers quiet comfort, lightly rubbing circles on her back as they look at the book together.
As she turns the pages he realises this book has been part journal, part scrapbook. Tucked between the pages, she’s kept ultrasound pictures, photographs of her changing body so they can see her bump slowly develop. In some pictures, she is smiling, but he can tell it’s not a true smile, she’s distracted, and not entirely there. There are some where she hasn’t even attempted a smile, looking forlorn and a little lost, and then there are some candids, most likely captured by Margaret Scully, where Scully looks radiant, sharing a secret smile with her growing baby bump.
“Here, this is the most recent ultrasound.” Scully shows him the picture, a much more developed image than the one he’d found in his desk draw.
“Wow.” He breathes, and then runs a finger along the baby’s spine. “It really looks like a baby, with arms and legs and everything.”
Scully tilts her head to look at him and is endeared by his mesmerised expression. Maybe she’ll have to give him his own copy.
“It does.” She agrees softly.
“I found a picture in my desk yesterday.”
“Hmm?”
“An ultrasound, a really early one.”
“Oh, I didn’t even realise…”
He shakes his head. “It was hard to tell what I was looking at, but this, Scully…that’s really a baby.”
“Yeah, it’s really a baby.” She runs a hand over the side of her belly. “Probably one that takes after it’s father, with the way he-“
“He?”
“Or she - always chooses the quiet moments to remind me of its presence. Sometimes, I’ll be trying to sleep, and then its all these sprawling limbs, all elbows and fists, and feet.”
“Do you know where…?” He asks with his eyes flitting between the ultrasound picture and Scully’s belly.
“Last time, the head was around here, and then it kind of sat like this.” Scully demonstrates with her hand the rough position of the baby. “Like you noticed, it’s fully formed now, but still has some growing to do. Did you know, that babies in the womb can react to loud noise?”
“They can?”
“Yeah, sometimes if there’s a really loud noise, I’ll feel it moving. Obviously, it’s hard to know how much they hear, but talking to it, like you were doing earlier, that’s good. They’ll probably have opened their eyes now, might even be blinking.”
“Blinking?” He asks in amazement.
“Yeah. And they have a bit of a sleep/wake cycle, so they’ll nap or be inactive, and then much more awake, and turning somersaults at other times. It’s sleep/wake cycle does not match mine though.” Scully smiles, running her hand over the spot she’s most recently felt movement.
“And over the next few months?” He asks out of curiosity.
“Around now, they’ll start taking little sips and practicing use of the digestive system. All the nutrients still go via the placenta, but the organ systems and the muscles develop. Then the sucking reflex will start, so they might start sucking their thumb. By the next scan, they’ll likely have turned, so instead of being head up, they’ll move to be head down, preparing for birth. There’ll be lots of growing still and their lungs will finish maturing.”
“It’s amazing.” He marvels.
“Isn’t it?” She grins.
“More fascinating than an X File.” He muses.
“Really?” She asks with a signature raised eyebrow.
“Scully, you’ve grown a whole human. A tiny, not quite fully cooked one but, that’s…mind boggling. I don’t even now how my body does half the stuff it does, like how these marks and scars just know how to heal, and then you’re over hear, having made organ systems, and a whole other nervous system. It’s amazing. Totally mind boggling.”
“Says the man who believes in aliens, big foot and flying saucers?” Scully teases.
Mulder smiles at her and shakes his head.
“So you’ll have another scan?” Mulder picks up on her previous words.
“In a couple of weeks, yeah.” She nods, and watches him, looking like he’s contemplating a complex math problem, unsure of his words. “Would you like to come with me?” Scully asks, and watches the way his face melts at the idea, and then he schools his features, hesitance flickering shadowing over his face.
“Can I?” He checks feeling conflicted, not wanting to invade or intrude.
“I…I’d really like that Mulder.” She gives him a soft smile as her blue eyes meet his darker ones, and something unspoken hums between them, just like it always has.
“Me too.” Mulder admits.
A couple of weeks gives him a bit more time to adjust to the way life has moved on without him, for his brain to catch up and feel more settled. He’s hopeful that by then he’ll feel less disconnected from reality. He’s curious, optimistic and looking forward to the opportunity. Things still feel a little odd and off kilter, but he thinks he’s getting some where. He can see the place he wants to fit into now. He may not have 9 months to prepare for the new arrival, but they do still have some time. He can probably read a baby book or two before then as well.
Maybe, by the time the baby arrives, he and Scully will have found their groove again and had the chance to fully discuss how they will embark on this adventure together. He may have been dead rather recently, but he has miraculously been given a second chance at life, and Scully is still here. Scully is ever steady and patient right by his side, their own little miracle developing inside her.
Time ticks on, but so do three interconnected heartbeats. Alive.