Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Whispers, shouts, comments, words. Words, words, words. He can hear them.

There's a buzzing in the darkness that he can't quite understand, but Ajaw knows it's there. He can feel it. He can hear it.

Somewhere inside this band there is something else. It wasn't just him, it couldn't be. He can't–won't be alone. Not anymore.

"You better show yourself, you worthless worm! K'uhul Ajaw does NOT take kindly to surprises!!" He shouts out, and, for a second, he contemplates if he's insane. But Ajaw knows that can't be possible. Humans go insane. Mortals go insane. He was different. The Almighty Dragonlord didn't abide by their moral codes or rules or laws, he made his own ruleset and followed it until he decided it was stupid and scrapped the whole list.

Whispers, murmurs, grumbles and a shout shake him from his stupor.  Ajaw flips around—how much exactly, he can't tell; the darkness is ever consuming—and swats a pixelated hand somewhere in the dark. It lands on nothing and touches nothing. Nothing. He's surrounded by nothing.

What his he doing?

He's acting like a fool.

Ajaw smacks his digital hand across his face, grunting out at the slight sting. He can't be going crazy. He doesn't go crazy. He just needs to get out of here. He just wants to get out. Get out. He's sick of the darkness, he wants out! Out! Out!

Garbled words and messy tones ring in his ears and he can't hear anything besides his own quick breaths. A misting forms in his eyes and the lines start to blur. He can see outlines of something; someone. It speaks to him. It says something but he doesn't listen. He refuses to listen. He doesn't listen to outsiders or freaks or weird figures in the corner of his eye that keep whispering to him.

A nagging, disturbing, itching feeling blooms in his stomach. He whips his head around, expecting something, someone, an enemy or a familiar face, but all there is is a clump and mess of lines, faces and words and sounds, dots that stretch and mix and bend to form something he knows.

He can't point them out, but it's familiar. Ajaw can feel how familiar it is.

"What are you looking at, huh?! Here to gawk at the Sovereign of Flame? Well, you've got another thing coming, you!"

The person-figure-thing doesn't move. Instead, it grins. It smiles at him. Who does this guy think he-it-they are?! Smiling like that at the Almighty Dragonlord K'uhul Ajaw, disgraceful! Disrespectful! Disgusting.

Something's festering away inside of him. It's withering and wilting and burning and aching and yet, Ajaw can't seem to care. He doesn't have time to care. Life moves on, the world keeps spinning. If he stops now what would he do tomorrow? Or the next day?

Well, the next day comes and Kinich finally lets Ajaw out of the band. He's quieter than usual, but Kinich makes no comment. They have work to do, and lots of it.

———

The saurian hunter and his companian trudged through the moutaintops of Natlan, the sun beating down on their backs. Kinich had barely heard a word from the other all day. It was unlike the dragonlord to be so resolved, so quiet, so...troubled. He was usually the exact opposite.

Kinich sensed it would be in no one's best interest to talk to Ajaw about it, the dragon sovereign had a tendency to lash out if he tried to get him to open up. So Kinich just kept his lips shut and only spoke when necessary.

"Shut it, slimebreath!" Ajaw snapped suddenly, a pixelated paw swatting at Kinich's hair. Kinich's steps stuttered slightly. His lips had been sealed shut for almost twenty minutes, he hadn't even muttered a word to the other or himself. He let out a soft hum and shrugged. Perhaps he slipped out a remark in the wind and hadn't noticed. A one-time mistake.

He continued walking. Silence fell over them once more. The wind blowing and the trees rustling and the nearby wildlife humming. It was peaceful, with the underlying sound of Kinich's footsteps on the ground.

"I said, can it you fleshy swine!" The pixelated dragon yelped. Kinich paused mid-step to turn to Ajaw with a blank expression.

"I didn't say anything." Silence. He sighed before continuing to walk. His eyes never left Ajaw. He inspected every inch of his projected form. The dragon's gaze was anywhere but Kinich. The human just kept staring in interest. The other seemed to notice that.

"Stop looking at me." Ajaw grumbled. It was less of a threat or demand but moreso a plead, a vow of caution. A beg, almost. K'uhul Ajaw, the Almighty Dragonlord, begging? Now Kinich knew something was up.

Kinich fell back into the rhythm of walking as he thought. Maybe Ajaw was sick. Right, left, right, left. Maybe he had said something that bothered Ajaw. Right, left. Maybe it was something to do with the band and the time-out it encompased. Right, left, right.

A harsh, hot breeze blew past Kinich, throwing some hair into his face. The world around them was peaceful. The sounds were peaceful. It was peaceful, until Ajaw cracked through it with a soft whine. Kinich's eyes flickered towards the sound. It was low and almost inaudible, vulnerable, soft. He almost believes he imagined it before Ajaw does it again. And again.

His eyes catch a hint of blue across the green and yellow projection. He was crying, and not the way he usually is, where it's just his projection tearing up. Ajaw was actually crying. Kinich swallowed harshly before stopping.

"Ajaw, is everything alright?" He tried not to sound too prying, but he was concerned. It wasn't every day your arrogant companion started crying out of nowhere.

"Just peachy." The dragonlord spat through gritted teeth, sniffling. His pixelated form glitched slightly before he spoke again. "Now shut up and keep moving before you get on my last nerve."

Kinich, for once, listened to Ajaw and sealed his lips shut until they got to their destination.

After had finished his commission and gotten the reward, Kinich started towards his abode, Ajaw at his side. It was the same as any other day, so why didn't it feel like any other day? Why did it feel so...off?

Ajaw peeked behind him every few seconds, eyeing the figure following him and Kinich. It was approaching, quickly, fast, it was coming for him. Him. Not Kinich. Him. Was it a saurian? Was it a person? Fatui? Friend? Foe? He didn't know. He didn't care. He needed to get away. Get away. Away.

He jumped in front of he vision bearer, trying to distance himself from the figure without making the other suspicious. He already knew Kinich was onto him. Anything could make him keep digging and digging and Ajaw wasn't sure if he was ready for that. Or any of this. He didn't want any of this.

Something calls him weak, worthless, defective and he nearly snaps back. But Kinich is here. He can't alert Kinich. Kinich will pry. Ajaw can't tell.

So, he does his best to suck it up and pretend the thing following him isn't there the whole way home. Every comment, whisper, shout, grumble in his ear is heard, but ignored. He can't...won't let Kinich worry about him. Pity him. He can't be pitied.

———

The whole night, Ajaw barely slept.

Things, people, places flicked around his vision and, as much as the digital dragon tried, he could not make them go away. Kinich was asleep, as usual. Curled up on his bed while Ajaw slept on a small pillow on the floor. It was cold. And loud.

Usually, he'd be able to will himself to sleep. But tonight that seemed impossible. 

He huffed and moved to hang idly in the air. The whispers and mutters and mumbles got louder.

"Weak."

"Worthless."

"Defective."

"Destined."

Ajaw tried to turn around, drown them out, ignore them, think of anything but the growing pit of...something in his stomach. It wasn't good. It was awful. He was awful. This was awful.

They lingered and latched onto him, following him as he tried to shake them off. Ajaw couldn't sleep, not like this. Not with them. He didn't know who they were or what they were, but he couldn't stand them.

Suddenly, a familiar figure flickered into sight.

Kinich.

"Ajaw, what are you doing?" 

The dragonlord froze. Had he woken Kinich up? He didn't want this, he didn't want any of this. Ajaw just wanted to sleep. 

"..Nothing." He lied right through his teeth. Ajaw rolled his pixelated eyes at the vision bearer before letting out a scoff. "Shouldn't you be sleeping or something?"

Kinich stood up and stared Ajaw down as the other floated to eye level. He looked like he hadn't slept a bit. Still the same as earlier. "Well, it's hard to sleep when your companion is whining and crying like a baby." He remarked. Ajaw was used to Kinich's comments, he was even more accustomed to dishing them out. But this one was...off. It didn't feel like Kinich. He shrugged that thought away. It was probably the exhaustion talking.

"You worthless sack of meat! I'll have you skinned alive for talking about the Almighty Dragonlord, K'uhul Ajaw like that!" As he shouted, something passed by his ear. A breath. A single word.

"Pitiful."

He wasn't pitiful. He knew he wasn't. Ajaw fixed his eyes on the other and tried to focus. No, he couldn't listen to these things. To them. They weren't real, right? Nothing he was seeing was real. Nothing but Kinich. Kinich was real.

Kinich, after a brief moment of staring and watching the dragon closely, burst out into a fit of laughter. Uncharacteristic laughter. Loud, bellowing, distorted laughter.

No, this wasn't Kinich, it couldn't be. Ajaw knew that. Kinich didn't laugh like that, right?

"What are you laughing at, you worm? Are you making fun of your superior?!" Ajaw tried to retain his intimidating demeanor, to just keep insulting and screaming and shouting at the other until he forfeited like always. But Kinich didn't seem to plan on obeying, he never did.

After wiping his eyes, the human shook his head with a weirdly wide smile. He hadn't seen Kinich smile like that since...ever. "You just don't get it, do you?" Grumble, grumble, grumbling in his ear. Figures inching closer out of the corner of his eyes. Hands, though merely squares, smacking at his head to regain any sense of reasonability. He just wanted to sleep.

"You were never superior. Not to me, not to humans, not to the dragon supreme, and not to him."

Words twisted into a visible mess of lines. Chaotic, destructive and unpredictable. Dangerous. Something wasn't right. 

A large shadow, large enough to fill the entire home, approached him from the left. He wouldn't look. He couldn't look. Ajaw couldn't even move.

Something garbled and unintelligible escaped from the shadow. Ajaw didn't know what he-it said. He couldn't remember. He'd heard it before. Somewhere. Sometime. It was familiar. The figure was familiar. The words were familiar. The prescence, the voice, the trap. 

He was trapped. Again.

Ajaw opened his eyes to nothing but darkness. Darkness and quiet and silence and deafening loneliness. Where is he? Where was he? Was this the band? The dark bedroom? The afterlife? The beforelife? 

"K'uhul Ajaw."

He couldn't move. 

"The destined ruler, yet never fit. A rather worthless creature. Less of a dragon than any other. A dragon fit to be forgotten."

That's where he was.

The seal. 

The seal where he was trapped. Trapped inside the seal that he was in. He was trapped. Again. Not again.

"H-Hey! Let me out of here! I didn't do anything wrong!" His voice wavered, almost fearfully. This couldn't be happening. What had he done to deserve this? Why did he deserve this? He was just doing his best. Even then, it wasn't enough. "Destined rulership," more like "destined to fail," he told himself. Was it him? Or was it something else? He couldn't tell.

"Ajaw."

Something said.

The dragonlord didn't bother responding. He couldn't.

"Ajaw."

Something beckoned once more.

"Ajaw, are you okay?"

It was him, it was the thing, it was it, it was-

Kinich.

The real one.

Hair messy, eyes glazed, brows furrowed. He had a hand on Ajaw's head, his spikes. Normally, the dragonlord would snap at him to remove his hand, to get as far away from him as possible.

But he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to do that in this moment. So, instead, he tried being honest, for once.

"..No."

He didn't mean to sound so hurt. So pitiful. So weak. So vulnerable. So..scared. 

Kinich's lips twisted into a frown, one Ajaw knew Not like the smirk he wore earlier, the knowing, hating, conniving smile. This was Kinich. Not the other thing.

"What's going on?" 

It was a question Ajaw knew well. Kinich usually asked the commissioner that when he was intrigued. Or the saurians when they needed his help. Or the traveler when they or Paimon were troubled. Or Mualani when she needed some help. Or Kachina when she wanted to train a bit. Or Mavuika when she called him in before a special mission. 

Not him.

Kinich's worry was targeted at him.

And he hated that. He hated the pit of  something awful in his gut. Something stabbing and clenching, yet blooming and soft. He hated it. Every inch of it. Every inch of him.

So, he did the only thing he knew how to do. Deflect, deny, destroy. 

"Nothing concerning you, berry-breath." The dragon spat. Kinich's eyes remained the same. Gentle and soft and understanding. They tried to pull Ajaw in. Tried to make him say it. Admit it. Admit what was wrong. What was happening.

But he saw something in those very eyes. Something big and looming. Ajaw knew he couldn't tell. Not Kinich. Kinich would never let it go. Never. Not Kinich. 

"I'm going outside for some fresh air." Ajaw said abruptly. He didn't really need any fresh air, he just wanted to get away from Kinich before he said something he would regret. Before he opened up. Before he told the truth. 

The vision bearer didn't seem to protest, but he didn't seem pleased either.

Kinich knew Ajaw. He knew when something was bothering the other. And today was a clear display of something going on. He was jumpy, fearful, talking to himself, talking to nothing, angry at nothing, upset at nothing. Unless...

Ajaw saw something. 

Kinich knew he couldn't press on. He had to let the dragonlord come to him when he was ready, but he didn't know when that would be. He just hoped it would be soon. Soon, before Ajaw was trapped.

Again. 

Chapter Text

Ajaw had only talked to Kinich once since last night, and it was only to request some grapes from the vision bearer. Of course, Kinich obliged, but his compliance didn't seem to change anything within the dragonlord. He needed to something. Ajaw was getting more and more paranoid by the minute. 

With a soft sigh the human stood up and stretched before moving to grab some clean clothes.

"We're going to Ifa's, Ajaw." He called out to the other. He expected a nasty remark, a shout of defiance, but all he got was silence. Kinich wasn't sure how much longer he could go with Ajaw like this. It twisted something in his gut to see his companion so affected and hurt and vulnerable, a rare sight that barely anyone but Kinich saw at all.

The dragonlord was sitting on his pillow-bed, occasionally whispering to himself or swatting a hand at his pixelated face. Kinich frowned at the sight. He needed to get to the bottom of this before they both began to suffer.

Ajaw had a tendency to shut himself away when he was troubled like this. Minor things would warrant constant, loud complaints. But situations that made him vulnerable or open were uncharted territory and would result in him completely retreating into himself until further notice.

Swiftly, and without room to protest, Kinich started towards the entrance of his abode and hopped onto the familiar path to Ifa's place. Ajaw reluctantly followed Kinich, hovering closer to his shoulder than usual. It was a bit jarring to see the dragon gravitate towards someone instead of away. The human didn't even consider commenting.

As they trekked through the Scions, Ajaw slowly seemed to be getting worse. 

"Go away, go away. Leave me be." He  mumbled to himself before letting out a pitiful groan. Ajaw couldn't stand this anymore. Everything was there. Everything. He could barely see Kinich past all the people, places, things crowding around him, following him. 

"Fit to be forgotten." A swift look behind only to see the familiar faces of the Scions. He was going crazy. Insane. That thing kept following him. They all were. Everything was following him.

Somehow, without realizing, he began crying. Teal tears displayed on his phlogistion projection, sobs wracking his body as he tried to stop them. 

Kinich, unfazed, stopped and turned to look at the dragonlord. They were just outside of the saurian doctor's campsite, his foot bordering on the sandy path and the bright green grass.

Ajaw had a fear, or rather hatred of Ifa, that was common knowledge. He hated the usual checkups, hated being inspected like some sort of spectacle, hated the questions, hated the rooms, hated the table, hated Ifa. Everything was awful when he visited the veterinarian. And today was even worse. 

His gaze flickered to the entrance of the vet's place of work, seeing something. Someone. Someone standing there and staring at him. Staring. Someone staring at him. Ajaw tried to blink them away, will them away.

Whispers, shouts, grumbles and yells crowd him like paparazzi, demanding he answer to them for all he's done. What had he done?

Kinich caught Ajaw's gaze and looked in the same spot he was staring at. 

"Nothing's there."

He said simply before looking back at the dragonlord. The vision bearer took a tentative step towards the pixelated dragon, voice gentle and calming.

"Ajaw, you can tell me what's bothering you. Nothing bad will happen if you do, okay?" The dragon didn't seem to listen to the other. He was stuck in place. Stuck staring at someone. Someone who was staring at him. Smiling. At him.

"Ajaw." Kinich stepped in front of Ajaw with a furrowed brow and a concerned expression. As soon as he saw the human step into view, he tore his gaze away and muttered something under his breath. Celestia, why did Kinich have to look at him like that? Why now? Why did he care so much? Why did he want to help him? Why wouldn't he just back down?

The saurian hunter reached out a hand to Ajaw's form, but was met with a harsh, stinging scratch. Kinich took a step back with a hiss and stared at the other through locks of hair. Ajaw could only stand still, eyes never leaving the other's wounds. 

That look. That was the same look the fake Kinich gave him last night. He was fed up, annoyed, upset, angry, on his last nerve with Ajaw. Kinich was upset. With him. 

It was a familiar feeling. Kinich was never a fan of Ajaw's antics and insults, and him getting fed up with the dragonlord was the main reason for the time-outs in the first place. But Kinich didn't send him to the band or shut him down. He didn't roll his eyes or scoff or sigh or ignore. He just stared. Ajaw didn't look him in the eyes.

It was a deep scratch. Deep enough for the possibility of an infenction. Ajaw didn't mean to scratch him. It just...happened. It wasn't his fault. 

Wait, why did he care about Kinich getting hurt? Didn't he want the other dead? Ajaw wasn't sure of anything anymore. All he knew was that the people he saw and the voices he heard hated him and wanted him dead. How could he blame them?

The air reeked of regret and fear and frustration and tears. Tears that never ceased. Frustration that never faded. Fear that never died. Regret that never went away. Everything seemed to linger endlessly around Ajaw. He was sick of it. He just wanted it to end. End. End him.

"You will be okay, Ajaw, I'm here." Kinich says. He hears. 

Something snapped inside him. Something guarded and sanctioned and closed off and hidden and buried. Something broke down walls and shattered into a million pieces. His resolve crumbled as he broke into choked sobs, projection shooting to Kinich's arms.

The human stood still, dumbfounded. 

It was one thing for Ajaw to stay close to someone willingly. 

It was another thing for Ajaw to fly into someone's arms, seeking comfort. 

Tenderly and unsurely, Kinich wrapped his arms around the dragon, holding him close in his arms as he felt the pixels shake in his grasp. The Almighty Dragonlord K'uhul Ajaw was being vulnerable. Very vulnerable. Vulnerable enough to let himself cry and sob into his servants arms. 

Something safe, something comfortable and welcoming was felt in Kinich's embrace. Something Ajaw hated. Something Ajaw would never admit he wanted, no, needed. Something Ajaw despised, and yet, he didn't even try to pull away.

Kinich carefully moved to sit down on top of a rock with the dragonlord still in his arms. He was no expert with comforting people by any means, but he wanted to try his best for Ajaw. Because letting him be vulnerable now might convince him to be vulnerable in the future.

Ajaw was too shaky to speak, so, instead, he just curled up into Kinich's grasp like a cat searching for warmth. The human gave the comfort the dragon was silently asking for, humming to himself as the other's sobs turned to soft whimpers and whines. 

"I ca...I can't.." He began and stopped, open mouthed and gasping for air rhythmatically to regain stability. Regain control. And while he's breathing in Kinich's arms, he realizes that he can't see them anymore. He can't see it. Can't even hear it. He looks behind Kinich. He can't see someone. No one stares at him anymore. All there is is Ifa's workplace. Nothing more. Nothing.

He was staring at nothing.

Nothing stared at him.

Kinich merely shushed the dragon quietly and caught his eyes on a spot in the grass. In reality, he didn't need an explanation, he didn't even need an answer. He just needed to know Ajaw was there. That Ajaw was okay. Because as annoying and rude and impolite and crass and disrespectful the dragonlord was, he still knew Kinich, and Kinich knew him. They knew each other, which meant they cared for each other in their own hidden or otherwise invisible ways. 

Ajaw was eventually able to fully stabilize himself and pulled out of the human's grasp. Kinich obliged and let the other go. The dragonlord hovered idly for a moment to try and think of what to say. Something snarky or smart or crass or intimidating. But all he could come up with was,

"Thanks."

A thank you. 

Ajaw didn't think Kinich deserved it. He was a lowly servant, after all. Made to obey and follow his every command. But still, he said it. And he wasn't too keen on taking back his words so Ajaw let them be.

Kinich's lips twisted into a small, almost indistinguishable smile. But Ajaw could tell. He could see it. He could feel it. 

He could feel everything around him fade away. Every thought. Every person. Every thing. Every place. Ever whisper. Every mumble. Every shout. Every gasp.

Ajaw wasn't okay, not by a long shot, but Kinich wasn't going to give up.

Not now.

Not on Ajaw.