Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wednesday, September 18th

Dear Diary,

I’ve been here almost a year and I think I’ve finally figured out why this whole town just freaks me out. And no, it isn’t that everyone believes in superstitious bullshit, but that’s pretty weird too. I keep hearing about people going missing on the news and stuff, but nobody seems to care like at all? It’s just a regular occurrence out here I guess. The townsfolk in the fucking wicker man were less off-putting than this, I swear to god. If I ever suddenly stop writing in this, I’ve probably been kidnapped in my sleep, probably by a vampire since everyone’s so confident they exist. Fucking New England, man.

* * *

Lizzy sat down at her lunch table with the rest of the cheer squad, right next to her closest friend by default, Rebecca, who was reapplying her lipgloss for like the fifth time that day.

“Sorry I’m so late, frickin’ Darren bumped me in the hall and I dropped my stuff everywhere.”

“Don’t blame him, he’s got a thick skull and can’t register anything in his peripheral vision.” Lizzy found it astounding that Rebecca was dating this guy.

“Y’know, I think a warmer shade would look better on you.”

“Yeah but the more purple ones really bring out the streak in my hair, don’t you think?” 

She also found it astounding that her friend managed to have a blue and purple pixie cut without getting called slurs on a daily basis. She figured it all came down to good social credit; people already liked Rebecca, so when she dyed her hair she was cool and unique and a non-conformist! But when that annoying emo girl went purple, no one cared, it was just more fodder. And at that very moment, someone just hit her with a pizza slice. Wonderful.

Lizzy found those lonely weirdos she was supposedly above strangely interesting. And pitiful. Sometimes she wanted to take one in like a ratty little kitten on the side of the road, teach it to be a regular human being, so on and so forth. There was one freak she always had her eye on as a prospective project, even if that was “kinda fucked up” and “dehumanizing” or whatever.

“Rebs, do you ever wonder how the other half lives?”

“Whoa girl, sidetrack much? Anyway no, I don’t think about being poor, it sounds sad and boring.”

“No, like socially poor people. They have lives too!”

“Well, I try not to dwell on that. Why are you bringing this up again?”

“Because I bet I could salvage one. Lizzy decided to pitch her little plan to Rebecca.

“I really doubt that but go on,” she said, her face and tone unchanging. “Who’s the charity case you’re gonna try and sell me on?”

“I wasn’t gonna bring up anyone in particular, but if you want a potential target… See that girl sitting on the steps?” 

Lizzy pointed to the tiny set of steps that led down from the entrance of the cafeteria. Sitting there was a tall, brooding girl with dark hair doing some schoolwork (like a nerd).

“What, her? I think she’s in my history class, she never. Talks. Like ever.”

Lizzy hoped some of her mom’s marketing degree somehow got passed down to her. “You have to hear me out on this one! Look at her closely Rebs, she’s actually really cute, just in desperate need of a makeover!”

Rebecca wasn’t entirely convinced. “I guess so… She freaks me out though, she looks so… menacing. Yeah, that’s the word. You can take the freak out of the grandma sweater, but I don’t think you can take the demonic presence out of the freak.”

“I have my ways. At least she isn’t annoying, that’s a weirdly high bar to clear here.”

“Damn straight.” Rebecca glanced at another girl at the table, Emily, who luckily didn’t notice. “I guess she isn’t entirely a lost cause…”

“I’m gonna try to talk to her,” Lizzy proclaimed like it was an expedition into the Amazon.

“Are you like, sure you wanna try this? There isn’t even much of a point, is this fun for you?”

“Don’t sound so scared, she’s not gonna bite me. And yeah, it is! I see all these people in need every day, it would feel nice to be responsible for one more pretty face around here.” Lizzy realized only after the words left her mouth that this sounded like a total vanity project, which it kinda was, so whatever. But she did care about this girl, she really did! There was just something about her, something that made Lizzy feel like she deserved a favor. And Lizzy’s friendship.

“Good luck out there, Bear Grylls!”

“I’ll be fine.” 

And with that, Lizzy set off to the steps.

Chapter Text

Lizzy sat down next to the girl, who jumped a bit when she noticed her new company. It was cute.

“..Hi!”

“…Hello..?” Her voice was a little deeper than Lizzy’s and coated with a thick accent, nothing like Lizzy expected. She liked it.

“What’s your name?”

“Doll.”

“Uh, did I hear that right? Doll?”

“Yeah, that’s just my name. Sorry if this is rude but, uh, what are you trying to do here?” Doll gestured to her and Lizzy.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m… not really like you, if you’re talking to me I feel like you have some other motive…”

“No, nothing like that! I just thought you looked cool and always wanted to talk to you, thought I might as well start now.” Lizzy smiled at Doll. It wasn’t entirely false, she wanted to know her ever since she first noticed her. She just seemed interesting.

“Oh, um, thank you. You’re Lizzy, right?”

“You know my name?”

“It’s hard not to, it seems like everyone’s talking about you.”

Lizzy laughed. “Well that’s good to know! Say, where are you from? I like your accent.”

“I moved here from Russia when I was four, I’ve lived here since.”

“Ohhhh, that makes sense. I’m from New York.”

“I remember when you moved here last year, I always thought you were from California for some reason?”

“Really? I guess my brother talks like a Californian, he thinks he’s soooo cool and laid-back or whatever. Maybe he was a surfer in a past life or something.” Doll laughed at that, her laugh was so cute! She kind of sounded like an old spray bottle. Lizzy made the wise decision not to voice that thought.

Now that she’d actually spoken to her, Lizzy realized Doll’s demeanor was easily the most interesting thing about her. She spoke slowly, like she was thinking about her words carefully. Lizzy always raced to finish a sentence before she even knew what she was saying, it was quite a change of pace.

She couldn’t have predicted she’d like everything about her. Lizzy knew her little project would be a success, it was just what she needed to make things feel more exciting.

The bell rang before either girl could continue the conversation.

“It’s too bad I don’t have any classes with you, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Lizzy said while standing up.

“If I’m being honest, I haven’t really talked to someone like this in a while, it was really nice to meet you.” Doll also stood up, putting her work back in her bag.

“Yeah, it was nice.” Lizzy felt like Doll’s calmness had spread to her a bit, it felt good just being around her. 

“I gotta go get my stuff from my table, maybe I should introduce you to my friends there at some point!”

Doll shrunk away a bit. Too forward? “I think I’m good for now… sorry.”

“Don’t be, I know how you feel girl. They’re kind of a lot.”

“Thanks. Uh, bye.”

* * *

“Soooo, I’m pretty confident this’ll be a total success, what do you think?” Lizzy was walking with Rebecca to their English class.

“Honestly, I still don’t get why you’re doing all this.”

“I told you, it’s just nice to have a goal to work on, things get boring otherwise! And she just has so much potential, it would be like, painful to let her stay a loner.”

“There’s really something off about her though… honestly, I’m a little worried.”

Lizzy felt a little offended on her new friend’s behalf. “Rebecca, sometimes I think you’re going crazy. She’s not a serial killer just because she doesn’t smile at you, maybe you’re just annoying!” Ok, maybe that was a bit aggressive?

“Alright, alright, settle girl…”

It didn’t matter what Rebecca thought. Lizzy felt good about this. She’d be just fine.

Chapter Text

Thursday, September 19th

Dear Diary,

Today I decided to make that weird quiet girl my new project, and I am SO. EXCITED. I’m realizing now that this won’t even take much work, like she just needs a little fashion advice, but honestly I’m just pumped to have a cool new friend who doesn’t follow the cheer tradition of secretly hating everyone around them. It was the same at my old school, I’m convinced it’s just a universal outcome of putting a bunch of girls in a competitive environment. But anyway her name is Doll!! And she’s also Russian!! How cool is that? I should totally invite her over tomorrow, I can take her to the mall or something. I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight, I’m just thinking of seeing her again!!

* * *

Lizzy walked into her second period math class and braced herself for the next 40 minutes. She quickly looked around the room before taking her seat, but her eyes caught on something she hadn’t noticed the last few weeks.

Doll sat in the back corner of the class, already trying to finish that day’s homework before the class had even started. So she did share a class with Lizzy!

Lizzy raced back to take the seat next to her before its rightful owner arrived, they’d just have to deal with it.

Doll was slightly startled again, it was becoming a trend.

“You do know Braiden sits there, right?” she said, putting down her pencil for a moment.

Lizzy noticed Doll was looking past her and realized Braiden himself was standing right behind her. She turned around and told him firmly, “Well, this is my seat now. You heard me, shoo! I know your secrets!”

She’d made herself clear, he simply had to take Lizzy’s seat closer to the front. He threw down his bag, sat down and frowned aggressively back at her.

Doll was intrigued by the whole display. “Those secrets have to be pretty bad to warrant all that.”

“Pfft, no, he’s just dating a total loser. I don’t even think it’d be that big of a deal, but he likes to think he’s popular. I’m pretty tempted to show him the real world but I’m not ready to get rid of my leverage just yet.”

“Either way I’m pretty honored to be in on it.” Doll smiled and lowered her eyes to the ground. Had she ever had a friend to share these things with? It was hard for Lizzy to imagine a life without even a superficial connection like that. She wondered if the little outing she planned to invite Doll to would be a first too, at least in a long while.

Now was the perfect chance to bring that up, actually.

“Oh, I was thinking since it’s a Friday, would you wanna go to the mall with me after school?”

“I really appreciate the offer, and I hate to bring this up, but I don’t really have any extra money.”

“Don’t worry, I can just pay for you! You’re so pretty, you deserve some cute new clothes.” Lizzy could already imagine the movie-esque makeover she’d give Doll. It was an odd habit of hers, she couldn’t help but picture the perfect advice and styling for nearly everyone she saw, even people she disliked. Especially people she disliked, in fact.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want…” Doll trailed off.

“Well, I want! Trust me, it’ll be so fun.”

“Alright, sure. Could you get me at four? I have uh… a… a thing after school.”

“Sure thing!”

The class was starting, but Lizzy continued chatting with Doll every moment their teacher wasn’t paying attention. She was far more interesting than pre-calc.

Chapter Text

Lizzy got Doll’s address at lunch and found that she lived in a really remote part of town, right at the edge where it bled into the woods.

She rolled down the car window when she saw Doll at her door, yelling “C’mon girl! Mall trip! Woo!”

Doll ran over and got into the car. Lizzy noticed she looked considerably more… alive than she had earlier that day. She must’ve just been really excited.

“You ready?” Lizzy asked while opening the gps app on her phone and putting on her playlist of “weird music” Rebecca never let her play.

“Yeah totally! I didn’t actually know there was a mall near here.”

“There isn’t, we’re driving for 40 damn minutes so you’ll have to get used to T-ara.”

“I didn’t expect your music taste to sound like this but I’m also not surprised.”

* * *

The mall was cold and fairly empty for a Friday afternoon. The corners where the walls met the floor were slightly dingy, exposing the lack of visitors as of recent.

Doll fidgeted with the strap of the large messenger bag she brought. “Where should we go first?”

“Well, of course we should get some new clothes first! I’ll show you all the places I go, I’m giving you the full tour today.”

“Ok then…” Doll smiled nervously as Lizzy took her hand and dragged her off to their first stop.

* * *

“Doll, come look at this! It would look sooo cute on you!” Lizzy pulled something out of the rack of clothes she had been paging through. It was a dark pink camisole with a cowl neck made of a shiny, silk-like fabric. She knew it was different from what Doll usually wore, but she thought the darker color would go well with the clothes she already had.

“Lizzy, you’re forgetting it’ll be freezing here in a month.”

“That’s fine, you just need something to wear over it.” Lizzy turned to another rack of clothes, this time one of the circular sale racks. She looked through it for a moment before finding a fuzzy black cardigan. “Here, you can try this on with it!”

Doll returned from the fitting room looking a bit flushed. “I’ve never worn something like this before, haha...”

“It looks great, that cami really fits you perfectly. You have to get it!”

“Alright, if you say so. I’ve never thought much about clothes, I feel like there’s so much stuff to know, and you seem to know everything.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll mentor you, you’ll be an expert in no time.” Lizzy realized she was looking down Doll’s neckline and suddenly turned to look at her phone instead. Don’t be weird, she thought. “Uh, I know you wear a lot of sweaters, there are some really cute ones here, do you wanna go check them out?”

“Sure! Just let me change back first.”

* * *

Lizzy wasn’t entirely aware of how much money she’d spent, nor how much time had passed until she noticed the sun beginning to set. She and Doll were planning to head home when they passed a kiosk selling jewelry.

“Look, they have matching necklaces!” Lizzy pointed out two necklaces on display, one silver and one gold, each with a cute charm in the shape of two hearts. “Do you wanna get them?”

“Sure, I… didn’t think you liked me that much. I mean, you really just met me.”

“Yeah, but I already really like you!” Really, she adored Doll. Not like that or anything. It just felt different. And nice. “If I’m being honest, I’ve had more fun hanging out with you here than I ever did with my friends from cheer. I just… think you deserve this.”

“Wow, um, thank you.” Doll looked flushed again, she was so cute like that.

After buying the necklaces, the two found a bench near a window to put down their bags and try them on.

“We should put them on each other!”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, it just seems fun.”

“Okay then.”

Lizzy felt like Doll took a really long time putting hers on, it just felt weird having her hands around her neck like that. They were freezing to the point she jolted a little at her touch.

Seeing Doll from this angle in the setting sun also made her realize her hair wasn’t quite black; it had a purple tint that became visible in the light.

“Whoa, how do you get your hair to look like that? It’s so cool!”

“Oh, it’s just regular hair dye, I just put it in without bleaching it first. I don’t really like to stand out, but I also kind of wanted to dye my hair like my mom, so this was a sort of compromise.”

“It looks so pretty in the sun like this.” Lizzy felt like she’d be content staying right here forever.

Of course, she couldn’t.

“The sun’s setting, I think we should head home now.”

“Yeah, I don’t wanna drive in the dark. Do you wanna come back to my place?”

“No, I’m really tired now, maybe some other time?”

“Absolutely!”

Chapter Text

Sunday, September 29th

Dear Diary,

I’ve definitely made a lot of progress on my whole project with Doll the past week, but I’m a little worried about her. She seems kind of exhausted lately, and the other day I realized I never see her eat anything at school? I just hope she’s doing alright. I don’t wanna intrude, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to check in on her. On a lighter note, today I asked her about maybe joining cheer when the next season starts, and she said she’d think about it! Which isn’t a no! It might be a good idea to acclimate her to the girls first though, with such a tight-knit group they definitely come off as a bit mean and overwhelming. At least that’s how I felt. Also, if I get the group to like her, she’ll totally become popular, my whole thing will be a success!

I thought writing that out would feel way more satisfying than it did. Maybe I’m just not invested in this anymore? I don’t wanna stop hanging out with Doll though, I know that no matter what.

* * *

Doll hadn’t spoken all of math class, other than a quick “hi” to Lizzy. She resolved to ask how she was doing at lunch. She’d attempted a few times the prior week, but Doll insisted she was ok, just a little tired from school. Maybe Lizzy was overreacting, trying to dote on her new friend, but something definitely seemed strange.

Lizzy found Doll in her usual spot by the steps to the cafeteria. “Hey Doll, what’s up? You like, barely spoke to me today, are you alright?”

Doll took a moment to respond. “…Sorry, I guess I’m kind of out of it today. I’m fine.”

“I know, you’ve been saying that but… I’m sorry, I know I’m being really annoying worrying like this—”

“Annoying?” Doll cut her off. “You’re not annoying, I appreciate it really, I just…” she took a long pause, like she was trying to figure out how she could end the sentence. “I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything, it’s alright,” Lizzy said quietly.

Yet another pause. Lizzy thought that this conversation had to be at least 40% silence at this point.

“Things just get harder when it gets colder out, is all. So I haven’t felt great lately.”

“Oh, like seasonal depression?”

“…Sure.”

“Well I’m here for you girl, alright? You don’t need to pretend everything’s fine, I wanna help!”

“Thank you, you’re really sweet.”

Lizzy pulled Doll into a hug she clearly was not expecting. She was completely tense, her arms pinned to her sides for a few seconds before sheepishly rising to hug Lizzy back. And then she didn’t let go, not until Lizzy completely pulled away. She looked so frazzled, like a newborn kitten that just realized it exists.

“Um. Wow, you’re, uh, really warm. Wait, sorry, that’s kind of weird to say,” she stuttered.

“Hah, it’s fine.” Lizzy rubbed the back of her neck; it was burning, Doll was right. Was she getting a fever? Someone as cold as her would probably find just about anything warm though. “I guess this isn’t a great time to ask this, but would you like to meet my cheer friends today? I figured since you might join you might want to get to know us first.”

“Oh yeah, that. Hm, I think I’m ready to face them now.” Doll laughed and smiled at Lizzy for the first time in a while. Seeing that side of her again made her feel a lot more at ease.

“Great! Here, come with me.”

Rebecca was excited to see Lizzy walking over to their table. “Liz, thank god you’re back! You’ve been spending all your time with that Doll girl, I missed you over here!”

She regretted the tone with which she said her name when she realized Doll was tailing behind Lizzy.

“I can do both. I wanted her to meet you guys.” Lizzy’s voice was cheery but stern, a sort of coded command to at least try to act nice for once in your life Rebecca.

“Alright. Uh, hi Doll…” She was clearly a little intimidated by her. “Why don’t you pull up a chair?” At the very least she spared Doll a pity smile.

Doll sat herself in the space between Rebecca and Lizzy. “You’re Rebecca, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Hey does anyone wanna wait on the lunch line with me? I wanna actually talk to someone, I feel like a five-year-old going on block blast while I’m waiting.” She glared at Lizzy, letting her know this was just an excuse to have a private conversation with her.

“I’ll go.” Lizzy stood up, knowing what Rebecca was going to tell her.

“You had to bring her here? You know she creeps me out.”

“Rebecca I don’t care, okay? She’s my friend, I just wanted to hang out with both of you.”

“You knew they weren’t gonna like her, why would you even try?”

“I don’t know that, I haven’t even talked to anyone yet!”

“I think it’s obvious.”

“I guess I overestimated you guys then.”

“I mean, just look at her.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“She’s just kind of… freaky-looking…”

“Say that again and I’ll, I don’t know, I’ll—I’ll shave your head! Yeah!” Lizzy realized she was yelling and took a deep breath.

Rebecca sighed. “God, you’re so weird sometimes, why are you so obsessed with her?”

“I’m not, I just want you to be fucking nice to my friend!”

“Sure you are.” Rebecca walked back to the table, Lizzy following after taking a few seconds to calm down. This was fine. She was fine. And her relationship with Doll was completely normal, she wasn’t obsessed at all.

Lizzy hoped at the very least Doll was having a good time. “Hey Doll, how’re things going?”

“Fine.” She smiled serenely. “Melody’s been really nice to me.”

“Oh yeah, she’s the sweetest.” Lizzy felt a sense of accomplishment knowing Rebecca wasn’t entirely right.

Suddenly, Doll’s demeanor changed. It was with an oddly grim face she asked Lizzy, “by the way, would you want to maybe sleep over at my house this weekend?”

Lizzy didn’t know what she could be so worried about. She hoped her enthusiasm would balance it out. “I’d love to! Just curious, do you have a dvd player?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“I thought I was the only one who still had one, I’m gonna bring over the best movie of all time.”

“Well what is it?”

“It’s a surprise, silly!”

“I… can’t wait.” That grim look returned. Strange.

Chapter Text

Friday, October 4th

Dear Diary,

Just took my post-cheer power nap, can’t write for long since I’m heading over to Doll’s place in a little. I’m so excited to see her, we haven’t hung out outside school for a hot minute. I’m bringing over my Twilight dvd, I’m 100% sure she’s gonna either love it or hate it but either way it’s gonna be a fun night!!

* * *

The sun had already set, and the night was cold, even for October. Walking probably wasn’t the best decision, but Lizzy didn’t want to go to all the trouble of driving just a few minutes away. A town in the middle of the woods could never be that big.

When she came to Doll’s door, she was a bit confused, as all the lights in the house were off. She thought she might’ve missed her house in the dark until Doll came to the door and ushered her inside. Lizzy didn’t even have to knock, she must’ve been watching from the window.

“Hi, hi! Come in! I’ve been waiting all week to find out about that movie you’ve brought.”

“And I’ve been waiting all week to tell you! I swear it’s the best, trust me.” Lizzy reached into the front pocket of her bag and took out the battered dvd case, holding it out in front of her with pride.

Doll was amused. “‘Twilight’ and ‘best’ in the same sentence? I never thought I’d see the day.”

“No matter what you think of it you have to admit it’s a fun watch. Everyone likes vampires and terrible writing.”

“I doubt that.”

“By the way, are your parents home right now? I’m just wondering.”

“Oh, no I… live alone actually.”

“Huh. Uh, okay.” That was odd. Lizzy wondered how a 17-year-old could be living alone, but she’d have to look into that some other time. “God, it’s so dark in here, I’m turning on this lamp.” She turned on the standing lamp next to Doll’s couch, casting dim incandescent light around the room. Nearly everything in it was a warm color, so it had a comfortable, cohesive feel. Or, as comfortable as one could be with a deer skull mounted on the wall. Lizzy paid no mind to it.

“Alright, I’ll get the tv all set up, make yourself comfortable.”

Once Doll got the movie going, she sat down on the couch next to Lizzy. Lizzy leaned on her shoulder, once again noticing how cold she felt.

Lizzy had always loved Twilight. Sure, it was definitely poorly written, but the central conflict was so simple and compelling, it was so interesting if you just ignored a few of the things around it. The way some people described love to her seemed oddly violent, but the movie made even that aspect seem appealing. She only really disliked the love interest. She voiced that complaint as soon as he entered, since the movie seemed to make such a big deal out of him.

“Honestly, Edward isn’t even that good looking, Alice is so much cuter than him. I don’t even know how they’re related. Are they? I can’t remember.”

“Yeah. I like how she dresses too, I’d wanna be friends with her if she were real.”

“Me too.” If she were a guy, Lizzy totally would’ve had a crush on her, but a guy like that never seemed to exist. Doll actually seemed pretty close, but she wasn’t a guy. Obviously. Maybe if she was…

Lizzy stopped that train of thought before the weird feeling it gave her could grow any further.

Lizzy felt pretty tired by the time the movie was over. She checked the time on her phone; it was only 9:35. Nothing wrong with going to bed a bit early though. Doll seemed tired too, there was an odd far-away look in her eyes, like she was looking right through Lizzy at the wall behind her.

“So? Did you have fun?” She asked Doll as the credits rolled.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s such a silly movie.”

“I think I’m gonna go get ready for bed now, where’s your bathroom?”

“I’ll just show you, follow me.”

Lizzy followed Doll further into her house and stopped at a large door.

She put her hand on the doorknob. “Is this it?”

Doll’s expression suddenly changed from tired and spacey to alarmed. “No, not that one, haha! It’s over this way!”

“…Alright.” Totally not suspicious.

* * *

Lizzy sat in Doll’s bed, waiting for her to return. Her room was remarkably cluttered, with piles of clothes, books and god knows what strewn around.

When Doll came back, she looked… like she was dreading something? She was always hard to read. She sat down next to Lizzy on the bed.

“Doll? What’s up, you look… I don’t know, you just don’t look like you’re doing alright,” she said gently.

Doll leaned closer to her and took a deep breath. “I… I’m sorry.”

“What? What’s going on?” Doll grabbed both her wrists. She was so much thinner than Lizzy, she was shocked at her strength. “Doll, what’re… this isn’t funny!”

Lizzy realized she was inching closer to her neck. And that her hands suddenly seemed to have sharp claws. She had to be seeing things, this had to be some awful prank, right? She was running out of alternate explanations.

“This will only hurt a little, okay?” Lizzy felt Doll’s heavy breathing on her neck now. She tried kicking her away when she realized what must be happening, but Doll was a bit too far to her side to reach. It probably wouldn’t have done much anyway.

“Are you…?”

Doll answered the half-formed question by sinking her fangs into Lizzy’s neck.

Lizzy whined at the pain of the bite, which quickly faded into a tingly numb feeling. The sensation slowly spread throughout her body until she could hardly feel nor move a muscle. Whatever had paralyzed her made her head feel all fuzzy too, along with all the blood she was losing.

Doll pulled away from her neck and licked the wound. The cold, wet feeling of her tongue was enough to make her shiver. Seeing her own blood staining Doll’s lips, dripping down her chin made her feel dizzy just sitting there.

“The mark will be gone by tomorrow, don’t worry about it.”

Lizzy attempted a response, but forming each word in her mind felt downright arduous. “D-don’t worry? How am I supposed to not worry?” she said, pausing between each word to parse which came next. “Am I… I, uh… g-gonna become a vampire?”

“You won’t, you’ll be fine. God, I’m so sorry about all this.” Doll hugged Lizzy tightly. “This was a last resort, really… I’ve eaten nothing for days.”

“…Why…?”

“There’s hardly anyone hiking or going out at night when it gets cold like this. I was hoping that maybe you’d forgive me if it came to this, I’m sorry…”

The two sat in silence for a moment, Doll’s head resting on Lizzy’s chest, until she suddenly looked up at her. Her eyes were so soft, their warm brown looked now like more of a deep red.

“I’m giving you permission to just sell me out, get me arrested or killed or whatever would happen to me if people found out. I think it’s what I deserve after this.”

Lizzy thought for a moment about the offer. Doll had tricked her and attacked her, but her rational side just couldn’t convince her to let her go like that. She’d become her best friend, and she doubted it was all in pursuit of this. Maybe she could help somehow, anything to avoid living without her.

She didn’t even register saying no until a few seconds after it happened. She’d made up her mind before even hearing her own thoughts.

Doll’s eyes widened. “Why? Why would you—”

“You’re my friend,” Lizzy cut in. “I’m not just letting you die.”

“You’d…” Doll started to speak before tearing up and giving up on the sentence.

Lizzy had regained a little of the feeling in her limbs, enough to try and lay down. Doll clumsily helped her once she realized what she was trying to do.

She felt herself slipping in and out of consciousness, she needed to rest after the whole incident. She could feel Doll holding her hand when she fell asleep, a little warmer than she was before.

Chapter Text

When Lizzy awoke, the room was already bright with sunlight filtering through the shades. She must’ve been asleep a long while.

Doll was notably absent from her side, but her arm was spread out like she’d latched onto her in her sleep. Embarrassing.

Lizzy sat up in the bed, feeling her head ache when she moved. The effects of all that blood loss clearly hadn’t worn off yet, not completely.

She was happy to hear Doll approaching the door before she opened it, hopefully bringing a little comfort with her. Who was she kidding with “hopefully”, Doll was like, the definition of comfort.

“You’re finally awake!” Doll said cheerily. “Just stay here and rest, I’m sure you need it.”

“Damn right,” Lizzy said, rubbing her forehead.

“Are you alright?” Doll cupped Lizzy’s cheek in her hand. Lizzy jolted at the sudden touch, though it didn’t seem like the cold was what shocked her. “Ah, sorry, I should’ve known.”

“No, no, it’s alright.” Doll pulled her hand away but Lizzy pulled it right back, the cold sensation felt nice on her skin.

Doll blushed a bit, it felt a little odd knowing it was Lizzy’s blood rushing to her face. “Uhm, anyway I ran out and bought some of these, I hear it’s good to drink some sugar after losing blood.” She held out a box of apple juice in her other hand.

Lizzy took it. “Thanks, I feel like an eight-year-old again.”

“You haven’t had a juice box since you were eight?” Doll asked as she walked to the other side of the bed and sat down next to Lizzy.

“I don’t know, I thought they were like, kiddie shit. I actually started opening them up and pouring them into wine glasses to feel all cool and mature.”

Doll laughed at her answer before going quiet. It felt peaceful just sitting with her.

Eventually, Doll asked, “Are you really alright with all this? I’m sure it’s a lot to process, and you didn’t really have time to last night, it’s alright if you don’t…” She trailed off.

“It is.” Lizzy paused. “But I think it’s alright with me, I still like you, I still want to be your friend. If anything I’m just really worried that you’ll be alright. I wanna help you, I’ll do anything, even…”

“No, I don’t wanna put you through that again. I appreciate it though.”

“How can I help then?”

“Well, I don’t want to enlist you to help me kill people, so I guess there’s not much you can do… It makes me feel a little better confiding in you though. Don’t worry about helping, you’ve helped enough already.” Doll smiled at her.

Lizzy leaned into the crook of Doll’s neck. She was nice and cool, it seemed to ease her headache a little.

“So uh, are you why so many people go missing around here?”

“Yes, for most of them at least. I think there might be another vampire here.”

“So is this place just a hotbed of vampire activity?”

“I think a lot of rural places are like this. Being so remote can give you a good alibi, sometimes people just walk into the woods and never come back.”

“That makes sense. God, I have so many questions, I can’t believe you’re real!”

“Well I am, here’s proof.” Doll pinched Lizzy’s cheek like an old lady.

“Ow, stop that!” Lizzy elbowed Doll to get her to let go.

“Alright, alright. It’s nice out, could I show you the woods and maybe answer some of those questions?”

“That sounds pretty nice.” Lizzy tried to stand up but immediately fell back to the bed.

“Or maybe we should just sit outside.”

* * *

Doll had to bridal-carry Lizzy out to her back door, where a small set of concrete steps looked out on the dense forest.

“The fresh air feels nice. So anyway, are you immortal?” Lizzy immediately shot into pestering Doll with questions.

Doll didn’t seem very bothered though. “No, but I’ll live a lot longer than a human.”

“Like, how long?”

“About a hundred years longer.”

“Wow, can you turn into a bat?”

“No, I have wings though.”

“Can I see them?”

“They’d rip the back of my shirt.”

“Oh god, I just realized I probably showed you a really offensive movie… Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, it’s kind of funny to me how inaccurate it is. It does feel a little weird to know some people find vampires hot though…”

“Well, who wouldn’t find you hot?” Lizzy, as per usual, did not realize the implication of that sentence before saying it. But that was fiiiiine, it was totally something friends said to each other all the time. Not weird at all.

“Hah, I doubt that.”

“Don’t say that, you’re like, so pretty. So uh, anyway, How come you don’t burn in the sun?”

“Industrial quantities of sunscreen.”

Lizzy paused before her next question. “Uh, did I… taste good?”

“…Yes.” Doll looked away from her.

“Did you ever like, think about doing that before…?”

“Sometimes. Sorry.”

“Hey, I’d wanna eat me too girl!” Lizzy felt a sense of responsibility to lighten things up after bringing that up.

Maybe things really were a little weird between them. Lizzy certainly felt kind of weird about Doll. She didn’t dislike her by any means, it was just… different. Especially after last night. Having Doll so close, practically on top of her almost felt nice under all the sheer terror and brain fog. Vampire mind tricks? Probably.

Trick or not, she kept thinking about it every time she looked at Doll. The memory gave her a weird feeling in her stomach every time it burst back into her mind. She almost wanted to go back to that. ALMOST. ALMOST ALMOST ALMOST.

Things would definitely be weird for a while, but Lizzy wouldn’t let that get between her and Doll. Right.

Chapter Text

Tuesday, October 8th

Dear Diary,

Now that some time has passed since the incident, I’m really glad me and Doll are still friends, but I feel like things are a little strained. Even after reassuring her, she still seems worried I’m gonna stop liking her or sell her out. She’s also been kinda distant, definitely not as much as when she was literally starving to death but still noticeable. She’s so quiet, sometimes I turn around and she’s just staring at me. It’s kinda funny to me when that happens though, she gets all flustered and scrambles to open her book and act like she was reading. It’s really cute, it reminds me of when a cat gets scared and starts slipping around on the floor.

Maybe this weird patch is partially my fault too though; I can’t say I haven’t felt different about her recently. I just keep thinking about the bite and it’s really bothering me, not in the annoying sense, it just makes me feel really weird.

I wanna make up for how I’ve been acting, I wanna do something nice for her to show that things are alright between us. I think I’ve got a good idea.

* * *

Lizzy slumped into her house and immediately flopped over on the couch. She was home a few minutes later than usual; Doll had advised her to rest as much as she could, so she’d started taking the bus home from school instead of walking. She felt bad skipping the exercise, even if it was necessary for her health, but she couldn’t do it if she tried. By next week or so she’d be alright anyway, or so Doll said.

“Hey Liz, taking a nap already?”

“Thad? What are you doing home?” Her twin brother had noticed her arrival.

“Dude, you were just outside. It’s raining, football practice got cancelled.”

Lizzy sat up and looked out the window. It was, indeed, raining. “Oh shit you’re right.”

“You didn’t notice walking from the bus stop?”

“It’s barely raining, it’s practically just fog! And I have better things to think about.” That wasn’t true, she’d actually been thinking about Kpop industry trends when she walked back.

“You’ve been so weird lately.”

“Uh, rude much?”

“You know what I meant.”

“I know, I think I might be kinda sick. I’m pretty alright though.” Thad sat down on the couch next to her and turned on the tv. “Thad, I swear if you put on Survivor I’m gonna kill you.”

“I’d genuinely rather die than not watch Survivor.”

“Whatever, I’m gonna go do my work in my room.”

* * *

Lizzy headed up to her room and tried to work on an essay, but found she couldn’t focus on it. It seemed the topic her mind defaulted to when there wasn’t anything interesting to think about was Doll; she’d heard pretty people described as “easy on the eyes,” maybe they were easy to imagine too.

Lizzy had thought long and hard and concluded that Doll was probably the prettiest girl she knew. She twisted around in her pink office chair and wondered why guys weren’t lining up at her locker. She must’ve seemed five times more off-putting to other people for it to cancel out.

Maybe she really did need a nap. She decided to lay down in her bed for a few minutes, maybe the answer would come to her when she woke up.

* * *

Doll sat next to Lizzy on her bed, leaning against her sleepily. Doll pulled her a little closer, likely enjoying her warmth.

Doll cupped Lizzy’s face in her hands, slowly bringing it towards her. Lizzy was a little confused—was she going to bite her again?

Expecting to feel the sting of her fangs, Lizzy instead felt Doll pull her in and kiss her.

Her lips were cold but still so soft. She was still alive, after all. It felt nice, as soon as  she pulled away Lizzy leaned back in and kept kissing her.

She could feel Doll’s hands at her hips moving up to her waist. Before she knew it, they’d crept under her shirt—

Lizzy awoke with a start, sitting up in her bed. What was that? Why would she think of something like that? There was no reason that made sense, it couldn’t have been her own doing.

She felt gross after having a dream like that, let alone one about her best friend. The worst part was that in the dream, she enjoyed it. It scared her. She’d never like that in reality, she was sure.

Maybe vampires had wacky dream powers she didn’t know about. There had to be some outside force at play, and though ridiculous, it was the only reasonable explanation. No other reason.

Chapter Text

Going to school the next day and seeing Doll felt like torture to Lizzy. That stupid dream had taken the place of the bite as the memory that resurfaced every time she looked at her.

After only speaking to Doll only in breathy greetings all day, Lizzy decided she needed to ask what she was doing in her dream. She couldn’t have her poking around in her mind, or giving her any more thoughts like that.

She found Doll at the end of the day, leaning against a vending machine and reading the book they’d been assigned for English.

She looked up and smiled when she noticed her, for once not startled by her presence. “Lizzy! How are you, we haven’t really talked all day.”

“I’m fine, but, uh… get out of my head.”

No look of recognition or guilt appeared on Doll’s face. She only looked confused. “What? What do you mean by that?”

“You should know! What were you doing in my dream yesterday?”

“I’m sorry, do you think I have some sort of dream magic?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s not true, sorry to disappoint,” Doll joked. She seemed genuine, but she had to be lying, right? Now Lizzy was unsure.

“Oh. Okay then.”

Doll bent over slightly, matching Lizzy’s height and locking eyes with her. “Vampires would be a lot cooler if everything you humans believed about us was true.”

Something about the condescending tone she used made Lizzy’s brain short circuit. She took a second to collect her thoughts and remembered what she’d been planning before that dream came and took over her mind.

“W-well, anyway, would you wanna come over to my place today? I have a little surprise for you.”

“I’d love to!! The last time you surprised me with something we ended up watching Twilight, so you can only go up from there.” Doll playfully nudged Lizzy.

“Come on, we need to go catch my bus.”

* * *

Doll was very impressed by Lizzy’s house when she walked in. “Wow, your house is so nice!”

“You can thank my mom for making us all move here then.”

Thad looked up from his spot on the couch where he’d been playing on his PSP. “Yo Liz, who’s your new friend?”

“Oh, this is Doll. Doll, Thad’s my brother. Unfortunately.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, I’m finally putting a face to a name. I didn’t know you and Lizzy looked so similar!”

It was true. Lizzy and Thad had the same curly blond hair, slight Roman nose and pudgy body; all that set Thad apart was his green eyes. It was odd for fraternal twins to look so alike, it made Lizzy feel like a cartoon character.

“Can I show you the surprise now?” Lizzy took Doll’s hand and gestured upstairs to her room.

“Of course!”

“Surprise? What surprise?”

“Not for you Thad.”

* * *

When the two got up to Lizzy’s room, Doll asked, “I’m curious, what did I do in your dream to get you so worked up over it? It had to be pretty bad to warrant all that…”

That was the one sentence she wanted to hear least. “Nothing, just like, normal stuff, yeah. I was just shocked because uhm, normally I don’t have dreams with people I know in them, haha! Nothing weird happened,” Lizzy sputtered in response.

Doll narrowed her eyes, unconvinced. “Sure.” At least she seemed to have given up that battle. “Now what’s this surprise?”

“Okay, so, since you’re a vampire, you can’t see your reflection, right?”

“…Yes.” Doll walked over to Lizzy’s mirror to demonstrate. Lo and behold, only her clothes were visible. It was a pretty trippy effect from Lizzy’s perspective, but she continued her explanation nonetheless.

“I got you some makeup so you’ll finally know what you look like!!” Lizzy took a plastic bag from her desk and held it up with enthusiasm.

“That’s… really cool actually, I haven’t thought about it in a long time but I always wished I could see myself when I was younger. Sometimes I tried to get my mother to draw me, but she was never much of an artist.”

“Just sit right here on my bed, it should only take a couple minutes. I wanna make everything as accurate as possible, so I’m not doing anything too crazy.”

Doll sat on the bed while Lizzy emptied the bag of its contents. She took out the foundation she’d bought and leaned in close to Doll.

It was nice to be able to just look at her up close like this. Doll had a sort of ethereal, inhuman beauty to her. It made sense, she was inhuman. Lizzy found it captivating.

She moved onto adding the blush. Doll didn’t really need makeup, in Lizzy’s eyes; she was only trying to replicate her face as best she could. Doll was one of the most unlucky people it seemed, blessed with such a pretty face but no way to see it. Too bad Lizzy couldn’t make her eyes visible somehow too, the best she could do was show her eyelashes with mascara.

Speaking of which, mascara and brows were her next steps. She decided to get even closer; she just wanted more precision. Lizzy got up on the bed, sitting in Doll’s lap. She thought to herself, this position would be so romantic if we weren’t such good friends. Good thing we are, wouldn’t it be so weird? It would.

She decided to use her favorite lip gloss for this. She figured the shade would actually look better on Doll since she had such cool-toned skin. Does that make this an indirect kiss? she thought. Which quickly devolved into, What would a real kiss feel like? Like in real life, not in my dreams. Now she was thinking about that damn dream again. Her face was so close to Doll’s, she could easily kiss her right now if she wanted… but she didn’t want that. That’s why she was saying it to herself in her head over and over again, it was just so true.

“Lizzy? Are you there?” Doll must have noticed her zoning out.

“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. You’re just like… really pretty. I kinda got distracted.”

“I kind of get that with you sometimes. I can never focus on what I’m supposed to be doing with you around.” Doll gave Lizzy a warm smile, she didn’t seem to consider that effect a burden somehow. Lizzy didn’t know how Doll could consider her to be on that level.

“No, no, I’m not that pretty. Not like you are.”

“What, do you need me to prove it to you?”

At first, Lizzy wasn’t sure what she could’ve meant by that, but Doll’s hand on her chin gave her an idea of it. For a brief moment, she forgot how gross the idea seemed and let Doll bring her closer.

Their lips met, and it felt just like Lizzy had imagined.

Lizzy opened her eyes and snapped back to reality. She quickly stood up and backed away from Doll, realizing what she’d just done and struggling to think of a excuse rational explanation.

“Oh god… why did… I didn’t… uh.” It wasn’t even a valid sentence, but it was the best thing she could come up with.

Doll was completely silent. She only sat and fidgeted with her claws nervously.

“I… I couldn’t have done that myself! Y-you’re doing some magic shit to me, I know it!” There it was.

“Lizzy, I swear I haven’t done anything of the sort. I don’t even have the ability to.”

“You’re lying. You have to be. When you bit me you must’ve infected me with something, you spread your disease to me.”

Doll looked a bit hurt by that, and Lizzy couldn’t help but feel bad for her. The curse must’ve gone so far down she couldn’t even be mad at who cast it.

“You really think…?”

“It has to be true, otherwise… Why would I have done that?” Though terrified at herself, her lack of control, Lizzy still wanted to step back toward Doll and kiss her again. The more she though about it, the stronger it became, she realized more and more this was the truth. This whole new impulse just didn’t fit in her old sense of self, either it was something else entirely or it would break everything apart.

“O-oh. I’m sorry, I should leave now, shouldn’t I?” Doll said quietly, not looking at Lizzy. She only looked up when she felt Lizzy grab her hands.

“Why are you doing this?” Lizzy had brought herself closer to Doll again, despite her own mental protests. It was like she was being physically tugged towards her, it wasn’t in her hands to stop it. Feeling so powerless was a bit freeing in a way, knowing this is all her fault, she’s the weird one here.

“I’m confused, Lizzy… You are controlling yourself, you know that?” Doll seemed flustered, but Lizzy knew she had to have seen this coming.

“Don’t lie,” she whispered. “It’s your fault I like you this much. You’re doing this to me.”

She reached up to Doll’s face, pushing her hair out of it, and pulled her in. It felt so nice to relinquish what was left of her will, it felt (ironically) natural.

At least, knowing she wasn’t to blame, she didn’t have to feel bad about kissing Doll for the next minute. Or the next five minutes. Or the next ten minutes.

Lizzy reflexively froze up when she heard her father’s car pull into the driveway. “Okay, now I think you need to leave, I’m sure you understand.”

“Yes, yes, but… Lizzy, what even is this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m so confused, I still don’t know how you feel about me.” Unfortunately Lizzy was still puzzling over that question herself, under all of what she could only assume was Doll’s influence. In part, she resented her for this, but dammit she was still her best friend! Why did she have to be so damn good at winning her trust? It only made things more difficult, being so attached to her.

“I don’t even know, I hate you but I can’t stand the thought of not hanging out with you, I don’t know what I’d do without you, and everything is complicated…” That word-salad was about as honest as she could get.

“We’ll work that out another time, okay?” Doll smiled weakly. “Now, I think I just wanna see how I look.”

“Yeah, I almost forgot!” Lizzy remembered how excited she was to show Doll her work. If that was still present, maybe things were alright.

Doll looked wide-eyed at the mask of her face in the mirror. “…Oh, wow, Lizzy… You did so good, I’m sorry I can’t stay and talk but it’s—”

“It’s okay!” Lizzy was just happy she hadn’t pointed out how smudged her lips had gotten. She hugged Doll from behind, nearly forgetting all that had just transpired.

“Okay, I really should head out now, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lizzy said goodbye, finally getting a chance to take in all that on her own.

Good god.

Chapter Text

Thursday, October 10th

Dear Diary,

I just had the most insane day, I’ve been freaking out all evening over what happened, it’s just that crazy. There’s no way you’re gonna believe this, but I was doing Doll’s makeup and she KISSED ME. Out of nowhere!! But that’s not even the worst part. This is gonna sound so confusing, but I kind of enjoyed it even though I didn’t want to. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own body, like I was possessed or something, which I’m actually pretty sure I was because I’m obviously not into that!! Doll is totally messing with my head, and it’s confusing the shit out of me. Of course I’m pissed at her but I feel like I should be more angry over something this big, that’s probably her fault too. I don’t know which parts of my thoughts are mine anymore, and she did all this on a THURSDAY so now I have to get up and go to school tomorrow while dealing with it!! Fuck this!!!!

* * *

Lizzy had spent nearly the entire night thinking why did I do that why did I do that god whyyyyyy, and was predictably exhausted when she woke up the next morning. And now she had to go to school and face her tormentor? No, that wouldn’t do. She would avoid Doll at any cost, she’d walk around with horse blinders on if it was necessary. If she couldn’t figure out how she felt or what to do, it was simply easier to avoid the problem altogether.

She worked out the logistics in her head while she walked to school. There were really only two points in the day where she had to see Doll: second period and lunch. She could easily skip second period, her father worked as a teacher and could keep her out of trouble. If anything, it would be more difficult to eat lunch in the library with the weirdos—she had dignity! But this was more important than her ego (even if it was just another part of her ego).

At least she had art class first thing in the morning, it gave her an extra 40 minutes to think about what the hell was going on. This development cast doubt on the friendship she’d once been so sure of; even when Doll bit her she’d never thought there were any ulterior motives behind her affection. But now that she was messing with Lizzy’s thoughts, was this her goal the whole time? I guess it’s to be expected from… someone of that persuasion, she figured. It had seemed so real, real enough for her to consider the infinitely simpler explanation, but that was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. No matter how many times she thought about it (a lot, by the way. Which wasn’t weird, for your information) it just wouldn’t fit into that collection of thoughts and attributes named Lizzy.

Before she knew it, the bell had rung and she had to find somewhere, anywhere she could go other than pre-calc. Hiding in the bathroom and drawing for the next period would have to do.

After about ten minutes, her moment of solitude was interrupted by Rebecca, reminding her she did, in fact, have to socialize with people.

“Hey girl, what are you doing here?”

“Getting out of math, what about you?”

“Same! It should be illegal to have chemistry any time before fourth period. You’ve never skipped math before though, what’s the occasion?” Was everyone just picking the worst times to pry into her life now?

“Nothing, I’d just rather think about literally anything other than matrices at nine in the morning.”

“You said it girl. Anyway I gotta head back before Mr. T skins me alive, I’ll see you later!”

“Bye.” Lizzy turned back to her sketchbook and continued her drawing of a girl with long, dark hair.

By the time the next half hour or so passed, the drawing had progressed from a sketch to a fairly detailed portrait. The subject gazed over her shoulder, seemingly looking straight through Lizzy. She would’ve been proud of the effect if the drawing didn’t look so familiar. At least it couldn’t bother her anymore when she put her sketchbook back in her bag and headed to her fairly uneventful history class.

After that, Lizzy just had to get through lunch, then she wouldn’t have to worry about crossing paths with Doll for the rest of the day. She sat down at a table with no one else and took out the food she’d packed in lieu of the crappy school lunch, when she noticed a familiar head looking over the bookshelves. Oh god no.

Doll walked briskly towards her and sat across from her at the table. The library seemed unusually empty, leaving her and Lizzy alone together. Her stoic expression was ever so hard to read, but clarity wouldn’t have made Lizzy feel much better.

“So… I noticed you didn’t show up for math. I had a feeling you’d be here.”

Lizzy said nothing in return.

“Yesterday, huh?” Doll laughed nervously and offered her a weak smile. Lizzy didn’t take it.

“Don’t act so friendly, I know what you’re doing.”

“This again?” Doll’s face was toeing the line between exhaustion and amusement. “I hate to see you running in circles like this. Believe me, I’ve got nothing to do with what you’re thinking.”

“You’re like, what’s that word again… uh, like gaslighting me! Yeah!” Lizzy accused.

“How about you try this on?” Doll took the tinfoil wrapping from the bagel Lizzy had brought and fashioned it into a cartoonish hat.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She was definitely joking, right? Right? Might as well, she thought, snatching the hat from Doll’s hands and putting it on. “There, nothing changed.”

“I just wanted to see if you’d fall for that,” Doll snickered.

“This isn’t funny Doll!!” Lizzy said a little too loud, earning a glare from the librarian. She threw the hat back at Doll, who effortlessly caught it. Of course she’d catch it, why is she so goddamn cool?

“I guess you really believe this?”

“What do you think I’ve been saying this whole period? I know you spread it to me.” They both knew the it Lizzy was referring to. “Even now… god, would you stop that?”

“What? Was I doing something?”

“No, like, making me think…” Lizzy felt her face get all warm, it was so annoying. “Ugh, I’m out of here.” She stood up and set off to somewhere she couldn’t be distracted by Doll’s cool hair and cool fangs and cool literally everything. Where had all her anger gone? And what was this replacing it? She’d just have to continue what she’d done all day: navel-gazing.

* * *

Lizzy sat at her desk in her room, hunched over the math homework she had to print out herself. Of course, that wasn’t what she was thinking about, despite her constant attempts to rein her focus back in.

If this is gonna be this much of a problem, I need to do something about it, don’t I? She leaned back in her chair and tried to put all her focus into the music she had on in the background (Orange Caramel’s Catallena, of course), thinking something more engaging than operations on matrices could draw her attention away from Doll. Nothing changed, every song just seemed a reminder of her all-consuming infatuation.

Yes, she’d admit she liked Doll, but she’d never admit blame. It was tiring trying to separate all her thoughts into Lizzy and non-Lizzy boxes, but her moral responsibility nonetheless. She often dreamed of giving up fighting, finally being able to rest in Doll’s embrace… she had to remind herself of what tainted that comfort. It was grueling, but it was right. Suffering like this was a virtue.

Chapter Text

Lizzy had been a little afraid to sleep the prior night, fearful of another graphic nightmare. Unfortunately, she now had to experience the consequences of staying up all night on her phone. She couldn’t shake the feeling she deserved the discomfort, but she could certainly shake the drowsiness out of her head and find something more productive to do. Because that’s how she wanted to spend her weekend, not relaxing or doing something she enjoyed, but working day and night trying to find a way to fight her own mind and her best friend! Right.

At least the perfect idea to distract herself with had bestowed itself upon her. And she knew exactly who could help her with it. Who was a better distraction than the loudest person she knew?

Lizzy picked up her phone from its place on her nightstand, pulled up Rebecca’s contact and called her. This was the first time she voluntary interacted with her in a while, it felt odd after so long. For a moment, she thought she’d rather hang out with Doll, but that was obviously off limits. And why would anyone want to hang out with her? She was like, evil or whatever. Even her inner monologue spoke half heartedly, she’d always been so weak-willed.

Rebecca finally picked up, offering Lizzy a diversion from her own detestable thoughts.

“Hey Rebs, it’s been a while since we’ve really hung out, what are you up to?” Lizzy had inadvertently trained herself to talk more like Rebecca whenever they were together, and the habit still kicked in after all this time.

“Just homework I guess, are you free at like one o’clock?”

“Yeah, I don’t really have anything going on right now.”

“Alright, we should meet by Vinnie’s then.”

“Even the water there gives you food poisoning, no way.”

“It’s not my fault it’s exactly halfway between our houses, we don’t even have to go in!” Rebecca was nearly shouting to be heard over her siblings arguing in the background.

“Alright, fine, as long as we just go to the Dunkin across the street instead.”

“Deal, I’ll see you at one!”

“Oh and by the way, if you don’t mind, there’s something I want you to help me with. I’ll just tell you when we get there.”

“Girl, I’d help you hide a body, of course I don’t mind.”

“Sweet.”

Beep.

* * *

Lizzy refused to cover her perfectly planned outfit with a jacket, so the cold air outside her house was just more pain she had to deal with.

All her troubles subsided a little when she spotted Rebecca, sitting on a bench outside what could loosely be considered a restaurant. She was fairly easy to find, she stuck out from the neighborhood like a blue thumbtack. She was clearly absorbed in whatever petty Snapchat drama she was observing on her phone, so Lizzy decided to run up to her and surprise her. She snuck up behind Rebecca and shook her shoulders slightly, to her predictable shock.

“Jesus Christ Lizzy! I though you were gonna mug me!”

“Calm down Rebs, it’s just me. Now are we going to Dunkin or what?”

“Yeah, I promised you. Come on.” Rebecca stood up and gestured for Lizzy to follow her. “So what’ve you been up to the past few weeks? I know you’ve mainly been hanging out with Doll, d’you guys get up to anything fun?”

“Oh, uh, we had a sleepover, that was pretty fun. Other than that…” she debated telling Rebecca what had happened to her. “Nothing notable.” She couldn’t, if she didn’t believe her she’d think she was a creep, definitely. She sure felt like one.

“So you’ve been holed up in your room this whole time?” Rebecca giggled.

“Yeah, I’m a total recluse.” It wasn’t entirely false, she’d spent far too much time ruminating in her bed the past few days. “It’s not like there’s anything to do around here other than go to burger king though.”

“There’s always Lake Champlain!”

“Rebecca. It’s a freezing cold lake. What is there to do.”

“Appreciate the majesty of nature?”

“You? Appreciating the majesty of nature? Who are you and what’ve you done with Rebecca?” The two girls walked into the store, Rebecca grabbing a table by the window.

“You can go order, I don’t want anything, I’m quitting caffeine. They’re saying it imbalances your hormones or something.”

“Of course you are.”

“Was that a dig? I think that was a dig.”

Lizzy walked over to the counter and ordered her usual (a large iced latte with twelve pumps of French vanilla and three pumps of hazelnut that all her friends found disgusting). Waiting alone in her mind seemed a formidable challenge, but she solemnly accepted it, using the time to flesh out her plan. It went something like this:

1) Ask Rebecca about the most eligible bachelors at school

2) Find a guy who doesn’t look and act like the personification of a half empty protein shake that was left out in the sun for two days

3) Possible speed dating step?? Do they only do that on tv? It’s optional anyway

4) Forget about Doll! You’ve got this totally un-repulsive guy to think about now! Go get married and forget how cool and hot she is!

When she returned to the table, it was clear Rebecca was just jonesing to find out what Lizzy had to ask her. Some things never changed.

“So? What’s the favor you wanted?” she asked, practically shaking with anticipation.

“Well, I was thinking, I’m seventeen, I’m graduating next year, I really should have a boyfriend by now, shouldn’t I?” Lizzy tried and failed to will her lack of enthusiasm away, then instead decided to put her effort into praying Rebecca was dumb enough not to notice.

“Uhh, yes? You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that!!” Thank god. “I never thought I’d see the day though, you’ve never been interested in boys.”

“Yeah, I guess not… It’s about time I grew up, haha.” It felt to Lizzy more like an impending death sentence than a rite of passage, judging by the pit in her stomach. She needed to suck it up, this was inevitable. This was right.

“Well, do you need a list or something? I’m always keeping track of who’s available.”

“Hit me.”

“Alright… Well, in my humble opinion, Jason and Kyle are the hottest single guys in our grade. Oh and Jayden, and there’s also Nick but he’s a sophomore. I hear he got held back in second grade though, so no issue there.”

“That does not make him sound any more appealing.”

“You can’t win ‘em all, at least he’s jacked.” Ew. Maybe this would be more difficult than she thought.

“Okay, okay, what about the other guys? Is this the same Kyle from English?”

“Yeah, that’s him! He’s so dreamy.”

Lizzy had to put in a conscious effort to keep her expression from crinkling up. “Is he now?”

“Totally! And didn’t he say he liked that Korean music you listen to?”

“Rebs, he was making fun of me, remember?”

“That just means he likes you~” Rebecca shot back in a sing-song voice.

“I really doubt it.”

“Come on Lizzy, you’re hot shit! Half the guys at school probably like you.”

“What about that Jayden guy you were talking about? Does he?” Onto contestant #2.

“Probably! He’s always trying to talk to you at the end of lunch, you know him right?”

Lizzy knew him alright. “That guy? He’s so annoying, of course he’s named Jayden…”

“He’s not that annoying, he’s just really invested in lifting is all.”

“Oh, I just did twenty reps this morning, fifty reps, five hundred, two quintillion, hurrr,” Lizzy said in an impression of his stupid dumb stupid voice.

Rebecca was getting a bit frustrated with her continued rejection. “You can’t keep shooting me down Liz! Do you want a boyfriend or not?”

“Yes?” Lizzy answered, not sure if she was lying or not.

“Alright then. There’s still Jason left, beyond this we’re dipping into the weirdo supply so I sure hope he’s up to your standards.”

Lizzy sort of knew Jason. He was in her art class, so she had to see him every morning, yet they hardly ever spoke to each other. The few times she did interact with him, he seemed kind and polite, and his music taste wasn’t abysmal considering the glimpses of his Spotify Lizzy had seen on his phone. And yeah, he was kind of good looking. So why couldn’t she bring herself to like him?

“I-i don’t know,” she said plainly, accepting Rebecca’s disappointed response.

“Ughhh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Sometimes I don’t know if you even like guys!”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You sure you don’t, uh… Bat for the other team?”

How did Rebecca always find the worst possible thing to say? “What? No!” Lizzy answered, a bit too loud and a bit too fast.

“Jeez girl, chill, I was joking!” Rebecca put her hands up.

“Good.”

“Well that went nowhere… You wanna gossip about other people instead?”

What a relief, Lizzy definitely needed to change the subject after that. “Uh, always?”

“Thank god! Kaylee from history says she’s gonna get married right after high school, isn’t that insane? I’ve needed to tell someone for days.”

“No fucking way.”

“Yeah, but her boyfriend, Caleb…” and so they continued for the next half hour.

“…and now Amanda has beef with me too, it’s crazy.” Rebecca finished recounting another of her tales.

“She picks fights with everyone, don’t even worry about it,” Lizzy reassured her, even though she kinda deserved it in context. If anything, Rebecca had a tendency to pick fights, but it was just who she was.

“So anyway, do you wanna come over to my place? We can watch Outer Banks and look for sexy Halloween costumes on amazon.”

“Oh shit, I haven’t even thought about Halloween! I would but I’ve got a ton of work to catch up on, I’ve been procrastinating like all week.” Lizzy had been a bit preoccupied unraveling, it was time to go back to the real world.

“Same here, I just don’t give a shit.”

“A bodhisattva among us.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Never mind.” For Lizzy, it was back to being alone with her thoughts. Soooooo greaaaat.