Chapter Text
(A Story of One Winter Solstice in Immanion)
Prologue
Almost any harling can tell you the tales of the four of us. Our love stories are the stuff from which Wraeththu legends have been constructed. People cherish the story of how the Tigrons had been separated for decades and yet each held the other in his heart until they found one another again. Cal’s journey from Megalithica to Almagabra, from murderer to beloved, finally restored to their adored Tigron Pellaz’s arms, has titillated and fascinated hara since the first rumors of it. The narrative of Calanthe’s quest for enlightenment rivals those of the ancient legends of humankind with its colorful supporting cast, the details of its twists and turns, tragedy, passion, exotic locations, and his unquenchable love for Pell.
Many even know the story of Seel and me, of how a wise and beautiful Gelaming intellectual, know for his reason and sound judgment, fell madly, inexplicably in love with young Swift, a rash, handsome, inexperienced Varrish prince. Together this oddly matched pair created by means of an amazingly potent Grissecon the magic elixir that would bring down the defenses of Fulminir and stop the bloodthirsty Ponclast in his tracks.
Fewer knew that Seel and Cal had been lovers even before they were incepted and remained chesna for some short time afterwards. Their early attachment had survived Cal choosing to stay with the Uigenna and Seel leaving him to join the Unneah. It even endured Cal taking another chesnari, the wild and dangerous Zack, and then turning up a short while later, no longer with Zack, but completely besotted by Pell. What their affection had not had not been able to survive had been that Cal, mad with grief and paranoia at the death of his beloved Pellaz, had blamed his friend and Seel’s mentor Orien and brutally murdered him.
By the time of that winter solstice, Seel and Cal had outwardly accepted one another for years. Yet they still watched each other with wary hawk eyes, afraid of discovering disapproval or mistrust lurking under a veneer of tolerance. Those who loved either or both of them knew that the continued estrangement was unnatural and ought to have ended years earlier. Other hara had long ago forgiven and pushed aside far worse crimes and betrayals dating back to those early days of cataclysmic upheaval. After Cal had passed through the crucible of suffering that burned away his anger and his guilt, after he discovered that Pell lived again, re-born and re-made, he would have welcomed reconciliation with Seel. It was Seel who could not let go of the past.
I had not the vaguest idea of how to break the deadlock. Seel refused to acknowledge the unbreakable ties of their ancient bond. Their festering lesions scarred over, leaving a dull constant aching. I understood that those wounds must be excised, cauterized, and salved in order for either of them to become completely whole.
Pell and Cal, occasionally accompanied by Rue, traveled to Forever from time to time. Cal adored Forever, the closest thing he had to a home in his life before reuniting with Pell in Immanion. Yet the effort Cal exerted to avoid a confrontation with Seel and not to impose upon him, made their sojourns tense. Only rarely, I think, did Cal completely relax during those visits Galhea. Perhaps he almost did when he and I took long horseback rides together. As much as I loved Cal, I felt no guilt for bringing Seel there. Seel was my heart and my soul mate. But the few times at Forever when I saw Cal’s eyes light up with mischief, or heard him laugh, I could not but think it should always be that way and not only when he was safely out of Seel’s sight.
Sometimes Cal would tease me the way he had in my youth or call me “pretty Swiftling” and I would remember all that he had done for Forever, everything he meant to Cobweb and me. I suppose that the long afternoons that Cal spent tucked away with Cobweb and Snake, the three of them chatting over endless cups of tea or sheh, were a respite for him as well. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy me. I wished Forever could be a refuge from the politics and protocol of Immanion for Cal. Cobweb’s irruptions of irritation with Seel over ridiculously inane things when Cal was around told me that my hostling felt the same way. To his credit, Seel did put forth a sincere effort to be considerate of Cal, especially after his rescue of Azriel and Aleem.
Fortunately or unfortunately, depending upon one’s perspective, Cal and Pell never stayed with us for long, only a day or two. Less frequently Seel and I traveled to Immanion. When we went there, we often stayed for several days, commonly for a week or even two. It was easier for Seel to re-adapt to Almagabra and lose himself among the multitude of hara and projects demanding our attention than it was for Cal to feel at home again in Forever.
It was to be Pell who at last would take action.
Not long before twilight, we arrived in Immanion at the beginning of the winter solstice. At Pell’s urging we had agreed to stay for two weeks, throughout the extended Natalia celebrations. As long as Seel and I had been together, we had always spent Natalia in Forever. But I liked the idea of leaving Forever completely under Cobweb’s care during those festival days for once. He would enjoy organizing the holiday gatherings again without the need for consultation or negotiation with Seel or me. Cobweb could act as the host of Forever and re-create the nostalgia of good times past however he chose to remember them. Natalia is one of those holidays that seem to place hara under a compulsion to romanticize their past.
* * * *
Our sedim pulled out of the ethers and into the earthly atmosphere. The white towers of Immanion glittered in the waning sunlight. The radiance of Immanion gleamed somehow portentous in the way in which only that celebrated city can. The mood of seasonal festivity was unmistakable, although the almost summer-warm air of Almagabra felt oddly out-of-place for a celebration of the winter solstice. Winking strings of colored lights incongruously draped palm trees and also had been wound around those dark waxy semi-tropical plants that line the road into Immanion. Such a tasteless display would never have been tolerated in the Gelaming city of light I had first known decades earlier. But this was not Thiede’s Immanion, but the Immanion of the triumvirate, still the jewel of Wraeththu, but no longer a city of only the Gelaming.
Seel’s ill-suppressed anxiety broke loose the moment we had stopped just short of the entrance to Phaonica. He fidgeted on his sedu, before reluctantly dismounting and handing him over to the waiting stable hara. I took his hand and led him into the palace, up the stairs and around the bends of the labyrinthine hallways toward Pell’s chambers. The halls of Phaonica were festooned with greenery, its trimmings of white and faintly yellow lights far more elegant than the gaudier ones we had seen entering into the city. A train of courtiers trailed behind us, carrying the bags we could easily have managed on our own.
Pell and Cal met us in the doorway to Pell’s apartment. A smiling, relaxed Pell had for once dressed informally in a loose white linen shirt and black fitted trousers, his beauty if anything more stunning without the usual magnificent embellishments of courtly dress. Cal, clad in threadbare jeans dating to the human era, looked himself: insouciant, shabby-glamorous, and oozing sex appeal. It made me grin to wonder how he always managed to own a seemingly inexhaustible supply of those hard-to-find jeans. A light lavender-blue tunic, hanging unbuttoned from Cal’s broad shoulders, accentuated the violet hue of his eyes and did nothing to hide the glory of his form.
He hung back a bit—yes, Cal, reticent. I sighed involuntarily. Was I ready for this again? To be forced to suffer Seel nervous as a cat and just as jumpy. Cal uncertain in the way that I only caught a glimpse of when he was in Seel’s presence. My eyes met Pell’s. He flashed me a small conspiratorial smile, as though to say, Just a little while longer. I understood immediately that Pell had a Plan!
“Rue had an idea,” Pell said aloud. He obviously had chosen not to beat around the bush. “There are several available rooms attached to my suite. With so many visitors here this week, the usual holiday crowd, we will end up seeing too little of one another if you are housed in another wing. If you stay here with us--well, Cal and I actually, Rue is away until the end of the week--we’ll be able to spend more time together, have our own private festival of sorts. What do the two of you think?”
Pell looked directly at Seel, avoiding Cal’s eyes, but I saw in my peripheral vision, before Cal mastered his surprise, that his mouth had dropped open slightly. “We’ll still be expected to attend the official dinners and the traditional Phaonica-sponsored festivities,” Pell said, “but in between all that, our time will be our own.”
It was clear to me that Pell intended to force Seel and Cal’s hands. It seemed like a brilliant proposal to me. The enchantment of aruna was the simplest and most evident method to break the continuing loggerhead between the two of them. But I also feared that Seel might panic.
The standoff between Cal and Seel had to be ended. They would not, could not do it alone. Pell and I needed to push them. My sense was that Cal had suspected nothing of Pell’s decision but that he would not object. I only hoped that Seel could trust me as much as Cal trusted Pell. Before accepting for both of us, I grabbed Seel’s hand and squeezed. He understood my implicit query. He pressed back, not enthusiastically perhaps, but at least leaving me able to accept. I realized that as soon as we were alone he would harangue me with a list of his conditions, most of which would doubtless be untenable. Then we would argue. At least he was willing to try. I grinned at Seel. He scowled at me. My chesnari is adorable. I can barely keep my hands off him. Decades together, a grown son, grandchildren, and he is still to me the sexiest har I have ever known.
“We would like it very much,” I said.
Cal rolled his eyes affectionately behind Pell’s back and shrugged his shoulders at us. Seel either ignored or could not read the vulnerability behind Cal’s posturing.
Making the first move, Cal grasped Seel’s hands, pressing his forehead against Seel’s before drawing back. “In meetings hearts beat closer,” he said, half joking, half beseeching, echoing an old Uigenna greeting dating to their earliest days as Wraeththu. The phrase was loaded with significance for the two of them. It referenced their shared youth and inception, but also the roots of their estrangement.
“In blood,” Seel answered, jerking his chin up with a half grin, his words a challenge, indicating that he well remembered the acknowledgement of tribal brotherhood but also recalled the murder of Orien and dared Cal to absorb all of that. Hope and dread filled me, as though I observed a battle of two titanic wills. Neither would make it easy for the other.
Cal chortled uncomfortably in response, “Touché! You are cruel, Seel.”
“And you are not, my dear?” Seel asked, his beautiful almond eyes widening in a parody of sincerity. “Peace, then? I can make an effort, if you are willing.”
”I’ve always been willing,” Cal said. Falling into silence, he folded Seel lightly into his arms, dark eyelashes fluttering closed. My heart skipped a beat before thundering in my ears. I hoped I was ready for what reconciliation between Seel and Cal might mean for me.
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Note: reference to Swift and Seel's grandchildren; I've decided in this future fic that Azriel and Aleem have had another Pearl or two since the last book of the second trilogy.