Work Text:
Ratio’s hand hovered over the doorknob, he wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting to see when he opened it. For some reason, some stupid illogical reason, he expected to open the door to see nothing there, that Aventurine’s body had well and truly vanished. Forever locked in the nihility.
He knew that wouldn’t happen, of course, that Aventurine would simply just be lying in the dream pool, asleep, still dreaming. But Ratio felt fear, fear that he did not know what to do with.
He nudged the door open, holding a breath as he did so, opening it to a very still Aventurine, lying in the dream pool asleep, just as he had thought.
He sped over to him, leaning across the water to reach Aventurine's throat. Placing his fingers over his pulse.
Alive, he is alive.
Ratio lets himself breathe.
He’s mentally berating himself, for thinking such a stupid thing, Aventurine would not be dead. All of those man's stupidly terrifying gambles paid off, why wouldn’t this one? Ratio was not one to believe in luck nor rely on it for anything, but he had been made to trust in it time and time again. And Aeons it better not give out on him now.
Ratio moves his hand to Aventurine's face, brushing aside the hair that covered his eyes. He wouldn’t find discomfort in his sleep, but it may annoy him when he wakes up. He would wake up soon after all.
Right.
Aventurine would probably not enjoy waking up in the dream pool, Ratio certainly hadn’t. For all the class Penacony claimed to have those dream pools whilst appealing to the eye certainly weren’t comfortable.
Reluctantly, he waded into the dream pool, his body tensing in discomfort as the water soaked his socks and the hems of his pants. He bent down, scooping up the blonde in his arms. Aventurine lay there limp, his body rolling into Ratio’s side, face peacefully vacant. Not even a sign of dreaming.
His breath was laboured however, Ratio wondered why he hadn’t noticed before, but Aventurine was breathing as if it were a struggle. Like he was running some endless race.
He wasn’t sure there was much he could do, but it unnerved him. He lifted a hand to Aventurine's forehead, a fever would explain it, yet he found no such burning heat when he touched it. He was relieved if only for a moment. It discomforted him that he was without an explanation, everything always had an explanation, and Ratio always made it a point to search for them.
Aventurine was surprisingly light, Ratio was aware that he had muscle he was strong yet he still didn't think he should be able to pick up the gambler that easily.
He gently placed Aventurine's body down on the couch, the one closer to the fire, he glanced around the room to see if he could find a blanket he could cover Aventurine with but saw no such thing. However there was a multitude of pillows strewn across the room, Ratio grabbed the goldish one and held Aventurine's head up as he placed it underneath him.
Satisfied enough with his work he went and took a seat nearby, he might as well get some work done while he was waiting. He fetched his phone from his pocket and began tapping away.
He doesn’t like working on his phone, but he didn’t bring anything else.
It would only be for a short while so he wasn’t fussed. Just until Aventurine woke up.
He felt himself become more restless as the hours ticked by and his coworker still hadn’t moved an inch or shown any signs of life other than that, stupid laboured breathing. It was fine, Ratio told himself, this was to be expected. After all, Aventurine had just taken a trip into the nihility, possibly still trapped there even.
Ratio had faith that such a gamble would pay off. And yet…
As the hours inched past, he found his chair had moved closer and closer to where Aventurine lay. Sometimes Ratio’s hand would ghost over his hair, just barely resisting toying with the blonde strands, he wanted to hear the gambler's voice whining to Ratio about how he needed help with his hair.
Yet he still slept.
Ratio was beginning to doze off himself. He checked the time. 2 am, it was late but he still wanted to keep an eye on Aventurine. What if he woke up while Ratio was sleeping?
No, if he woke up, that meant everything was fine, and if something was wrong, he would wake Ratio up. He let his eyes close as he leaned back in the chair, without the energy to move himself over to the neighbouring couch.
Everything would be fine in the morning.
###
When he woke up, it wasn’t silent, there were sounds of footsteps and hushed talking in the corridor beyond, there was no light, so he couldn’t make out what time it was, that was the downside of Penacony, the planet was solely in the land of dreams it was incredibly disorienting.
When Ratio woke up it wasn’t silent, but it was quiet, quiet enough to hear that shallow breathing from the body in front of him.
He reached across checking Aventurine's body, for any signs of change, frustratingly there were none. Not even a reaction when he was touched.
In a huff ratio got to his feet and flicked on the light switch, grimacing at the sudden intrusion of bright lights. Secondly, he checked the time on his phone, it was about midday, meaning he hadn’t just woken up earlier than he should, meaning that Aventurine had been sleeping for over 24 hours.
That wasn’t normal, he knew that, not even for someone who had taken a dip in the nihility. This also unfortunately didn’t give Ratio any faith that the man would wake up anytime soon.
He took a glance around the room, they couldn’t stay there, with no known date for when Aventurine would wake up this place was not somewhere Ratio could just sit and watch over him, he would never get anything done like this.
He sent a quick text to Topaz, someone from the ten stonehearts should know what was going on.
Dr Ratio: Topaz, Aventurine has not woken up in over 24 hours so I’m taking him to my place to keep an eye on him. If there’s anything urgent regarding him, send it to me.
He flicked out of the messaging app not bothering to wait for a response and quickly called up a ship to take the two of them back home.
Ratio hadn’t brought anything with him and Aventurine hadn’t either so he had nothing to pack away, if Aventurine had bought anything in Penacony Ratio could deal with it when he woke up.
Once again he scooped up the sleeping man with ease, he ignored the looks he got as he was exiting the building, most people seemed to avoid him, which was good, other than the select few that were tailing him with their eyes on the stoneheart whom Ratio clutched closer to his chest as they left.
His brow furrowed as he felt his heart beating faster, as those eyes followed him.
He didn’t have to wait long for a ship, one arriving within minutes of them reaching the ground floor. He adjusted the gambler's body so he was sitting upright and reached across from his seat to buckle him in.
“Where to?” The driver didn’t turn around, drumming his fingers against the dashboard in a rhythmic pattern.
“Pier point.”
The driver let out a hum of acknowledgment before pushing down the pedals and zipping away into the cosmos.
The drive wasn’t long, especially with warp technology that was installed on most ships nowadays, but it still felt like an age, utter silence broken every now and then by Aventurine’s breathing. Ratio had taken hold of his hand, stroking it with his thumb, just to give Aventurine some reassurance, whether he could feel it or not, that he was not alone.
Not as alone as Ratio felt right now.
###
By the time they had reached Pier Point the sun was beginning to set, Ratio thanked the driver and quickly waved him off before he carried Aventurine up to his apartment.
Their apartment.
He lay Aventurine down on their bed, his bed.
It had only been two days, Ratio had to be patient.
He slipped Aventurine's jacket off his shoulders and hung it up on the coat hanger nearby, it hung there as limp as Aventurine's body had been in his arms.
He took time changing Aventurine, neatly folding his old clothes, making sure he was comfortable in his pyjamas. And finally tucking him gently under the covers.
Ratio had to occupy himself. He should eat. He hadn’t eaten in about a day now. That was bad.
He left the room making his way over to the kitchen. Cooking in silence, everything these past two days had seemed to be in silence. Uncharacteristically quiet.
He could remember Aventurine running into the kitchen, placing his head on Ratio's shoulder as he asked him questions about what he was doing or making and Ratio was always more than happy to explain it to him.
He missed hearing the way Aventurine would complain about the IPC work in the other room.
He missed his voice,
Ratio ate dinner alone, for the first time since he had met that damm gambler.
It was cold, it felt cold, like a raging wind wrapping its way around him, knocking the spirit out of him. Ratio was used to feeling alone, but this time it felt wrong.
###
It had grown too cluttered for Ratio’s liking, Aventurine was usually the one who cleaned, Ratio cooked Aventurine cleaned. That’s how it always was.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t a routine they could follow through on now.
Ratio opened the cupboard where Aventurine usually kept the cleaning supplies, there were lines of dust on top of them, partially from them being away in penacony and partially from the fact that Aventurine had been asleep for two weeks now.
Ratio would clean, should clean, after all, Aventurine won’t be able to. It wasn’t a distraction. He had plenty to do, he had other important things in his life.
He didn’t need to distract himself.
And if he spent the next 2 days cleaning the apartment until there wasn’t a speck remaining well, no one would know.
###
Ratio wasn’t thrilled when his sabbatical came to a close. For two reasons, the first being that he wouldn’t be able to stay home and keep an eye on Aventurine since he would be holding lectures most days. The second being that this would mark a month since Aventurine had entered the nihility. And still wouldn’t wake.
Because of this, he couldn’t eat or drink either, a couple of days in Ratio had purchased an IV drip, thankfully due to his connections and known status as a doctor he hadn’t had much trouble procuring it and hooking it up to Aventurine.
But he had hated it, he hated waking up every morning to see that… abhorrent site. It didn’t suit him, looking so pale, without his usual smirk, nothing, hooked up to an IV drip. Ratio hated it.
There had been improvements in his condition, or at least Ratio considered them improvements. He was no longer as still as a statue, sometimes his face would contort in discomfort, or he would toss in turn in his sleep like he used to do. When Ratio was especially lucky he would hear Aventurine murmur in his sleep, sometimes he could make out words, but they never made sense to him.
They weren’t ideal changes, but they were changes nonetheless and it comforted Ratio to see Aventurine more, alive.
It made him feel less like he was living with a corpse.
Ratio didn’t want to bring himself to get out of bed, his arms lightly wrapped around Aventurine, his head nuzzled into the back of Aventurine's neck. He thinks they’ve probably cuddled more when he’s been in the nihility than they ever had.
He felt awful, his head was throbbing and his limbs felt as if they had weights sitting on them.
But work called, and besides, Ratio had planned for this, he was going to use this new schedule to find more information on the nihility.
There had to be something he had missed in his database browsing.
If he had time he might take a trip around to penacony again to consult Screwllum.
He pulled himself away from his bed, adjusting the covers and lightly kissing Aventurine's forehead before he left to get ready.
###
Ratio thought that if one more student walked into his office asking for an extension on work due last semester or with a question about today's lecture he was going to lose it.
He did not have the time to be answering any questions or extending any due dates right now, and really it could have just been an email.
He was still technically on office hours so he couldn’t get up and leave as much as he wanted to, he still had things to go through and grade before he could head to the library on campus.
The few tabs of research he had been looking through the past few hours were completely useless. There was nothing at all about the emanator nor being trapped within the nihility.
Was it a completely unique experience? That could prove especially troublesome.
With a click he finished off his last work-related task, he closed his laptop, slipping it back inside its case and nestling it safely inside his work bag.
He slung it over his shoulder as he made his way down the hall, the bag swinging back and slapping against his side as he stepped. He approached the library and pushed open its large double doors with a grunt. Thankfully it was quiet as usual and there was only a slight murmur of studying students or faculty roaming around.
The books lined the shelves stretching all the way up to the ceiling of the round room, a chandelier dangling from the top providing dim lighting. The room did not contain any windows which limited distractions.
Ratio walked past the front desk, and made his way around the computer desks, to search through a shelf packed densely with books. A little bit tucked away compared to everything else.
A label reading “Pathways’ hung above the space between the shelves. Ratio squeezed his way in there looking for anything under Nihility.
After grabbing a couple of books he heads further back to one of the secluded tables, he flicks on the desk lamp and begins reading.
Time ticked by, the hushed whispers and flicking of pages his only background noise. He scanned the information meticulously, he heard the library doors open and close, and the sighs of students grateful for being done for the day.
Yet Ratio was struggling to find anything of value, it was only when he was at his very wits end with this information did he stumbled across it. He had nearly skipped over it as well, thinking it was more irrelevant content.
‘Becoming trapped in the Nihility does not mean death.’
One sentence had changed his hours upon hours of hopelessness in almost an instant. It didn’t say much more than that, only going into what entering the nihility was like which he was already aware of earlier. He stretched out his arms feeling the strain in them as he did so, he realised he was exhausted, so many nights of staying up late, working, hoping, waiting.
He was just glad this time something finally paid off.
###
It was time to make his way to Penacony, he wasn’t going to make any more headway on his own and as much as he didn’t want anyone else privy to Aventurine's condition, he only had so many sources of information left.
Screwllum would know a lot, and they had collaborated on many a project in the past; this is someone he could trust.
Once again he left Aventurine alone in the apartment, maybe the blonde would be proud of him for getting out of the house more these days.
Screwllum was already waiting for him by the divergent universe as they had previously agreed upon.
“Screwllum,” the addressed stopped and turned around to look at Ratio “I’ve come here on the grounds that you have valuable research on the nihility but I have to ask, does that include people trapped in the nihility?”
Screwllum tilted his head slightly in thought “Question: Does this perhaps have to do with the large-scale fight between The Emanator of Nihility and Aventurine of stratagems?”
Ratio clicked his tongue against his teeth looking away with annoyance.
“Indeed it does.”
Screwllum let out a mechanical hum, the closest a robot could get to sounds of contemplation.
“In that case, I will focus my findings on that area of research. Please wait with me for a moment while I scour for the answer you are looking for.” Screwllum asked as he swivelled back around metallic fingers clacking against the keyboard.
Ratio sat restlessly, shifting and turning, grimacing in impatience as Screwllum searched rhythmically through the stockpiled information.
And when the clicking sounds finally stopped, Screwllum slowly turned to him.
“Answer: There is nothing you, as an outsider can do to wake up someone trapped in the nihility.”
Ratio’s heart dropped. If he had felt sick before it was nothing compared to the dizzying feeling in his head, he felt his body dangerously sway towards the edge of his set, he couldn’t look Screwllum in the eye, his gaze deadset on the floor.
It couldn’t be true, there had to be something they were missing, Aventurine couldn’t be gone, trapped. If that were true, then perhaps he really had been living with a corpse the whole time. Clinging onto something he was never meant to have.
Curse Aventurine and curse the goddess who had blessed him. He was given all that luck but when Ratio needed him to come home that goddess's blessing, whether it be real or not, and failed his lover, his heart.
He felt that creeping feeling of hopelessness tearing him asunder as it wormed its way into the cracks in his heart making a home for itself there.
Screwllum’s voice starting up again barely sparked Ratio's attention, he was too deep wallowing in his own sorrow, only half listening.
“However, the victim, in this case Aventurine, is not completely trapped. As I’m sure you are aware. Conclusion: Escape from the nihility is possible but Aventurine must break free alone.”
…The words mixed and slurred together in his head, a jumbled mush but he had heard what mattered. It was possible, but the most agonising thing was, all Ratio could do was. Keep waiting.
Did Screwllum look at him with sympathy? We’re his expressions capable of that?
Ratio wished that he too were mechanical, that his heart and soul were nothing more than zeros and ones. His cold exterior that he put up to others, was not enough to sever him from his own feelings, to save him from the death that was falling in love.
###
It was dark, black, empty, void void and more void. How long had he been running? Days? Months? He had expected his body to have given out on him within the first hour. But here he was! Still running! Searching for an exit.
There was nothing here, it was cold, lonely.
Sometimes on the nights when he would think it was all over, he’d feel this surge of warmth like arms wrapping around him.
And sometimes when he was on the verge of collapse, he would hear faint mutters from the void beyond, asking him, no, begging him to keep running.
Glimpses, of something.
Aventurine would not give up even if it left him running until the end of time. There was still someone he had to see.
###
Three months had passed by in the same amount of time that three years would feel. Slow and agonising.
And Ratio wasn’t giving up but, he wasn’t exactly seeing the point of holding on anymore.
He brought Aventurine's sleeping body closer to him, burying his face in the back of his blonde hair. It was greasy, from not being washed properly in months but he didn't care, it was his Aventurine and he just wanted to feel close to him.
Ratio wasn’t one to cry in front of others, but he was technically alone right now, so he let silent tears trickle down his chain and land in Aventurine hair.
He just hoped that he would reach out his hand, cup Veritas' face and give him one more teasing smirk.
He hoped. He hoped so much.
And then there was a jerk. Movement. Ratio bolted upwards he looked down at Aventurine, he was moving, tossing and turning. Tears streaming down his face, tears of sadness? Frustration? he couldn’t tell.
And in Aventurine flailing one of the man’s hands locked onto Ratio's wrist, holding it tight.
Ratio waited with bated breath.
And slowly, the very thing he had been waiting forever for happened. Aventurine's eyes slowly fluttered open, still half closed, lidded, looking more tired than he had been in years, but with that stupid dopey smile settled on his face.
“Veri? Am I seeing things again or is that really your face.”
Ratio practically threw his body onto the other man, wrapping him up in the tightest bone-crushing hug he could.
“You couldn’t have done that about three months ago now could you?” Ratio spat out, tone sounding angry but there was no real bite behind his words.
Aventurine laughed, he’d missed that so badly, and lifted his hands up, holding the back of Ratio's head and pushing their faces together.
“Oh trust me, doctor, if I could have I would~” Aventurine's voice was hoarse and weak from lack of use. But him talking again was the only thing Ratio had wanted in the whole world.
“I love you… I missed you. Sorry for-“ he broke into a fit of coughs and Ratio began rubbing circles in his back, “-Keeping you waiting.”
“It’s okay, I would have kept waiting for as long as you needed.”