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Language:
English
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Published:
2016-03-11
Completed:
2016-03-13
Words:
979
Chapters:
4/4
Comments:
18
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349
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Geometric

Summary:

Steven has asked her not to watch him sleep. Pearl tries, she really does.

Chapter 1: Geometric

Summary:

Steven has asked her not to watch him sleep. Pearl tries, she really does.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Geometric

 

Steven has asked her not to watch him sleep. Pearl tries, she really does.

***

She goes to the barn. She works on the drill. She dances in her room. She does not watch Steven sleep.

But eventually even Pearl runs out of tasks to avoid thinking. She’s not good at not thinking, either. Back on Homeworld, that’s what got her labelled ‘defective’. She can’t put herself into that blank space of existing, but not being. Can’t turn off the tap of memories that rush up and overwhelm her when her hands are still.

Memories of Rose and anxiety and what if, what if and the baby is coming, Rose’s stomach is glowing and she closes her eyes and sighs and for a second it looks like she’s sleeping and then she fades away and- Garnet interrupts her drowning by warping in. Pearl takes a shuddering breath and returns to her room. She polishes the same sabre for five hours.

***

Pearl discovers that if she cranes her neck very carefully from in the kitchen, she can see the rise and fall of Steven’s blankets as he breathes.

She’s not watching him sleep, not really- she can’t even see Steven from here. Just his blankets. That’s not the same, right?

***

She does the dishes, very quietly. She watches the blanket rise and fall. Her anxiety and her memories retreat, for now.

Notes:

What's this, what's this? I actually wrote a new thing?
May or may not be continued as a series of drabbles. This is literally the first thing I've written in seven years that's anywhere near coherent, so I'm not making any promises- but if you'd like more, let me know and I will try my best!

Chapter 2: Diametric

Summary:

Amethyst knows what Pearl is doing. She thinks she even knows why.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Diametric

 

Amethyst knows what Pearl is doing. She thinks she even knows why.

She refused to be there, for the birth. She was angry, and sad, and jealous and afraid. A few months after Steven was born, she had snuck into Pearl’s room and caught her dreaming about it.

Pearl doesn’t sleep. Amethyst doesn’t feel sad. They don’t talk about it.

She’s glad she skipped out. She knows that’s probably awful, and she doesn’t care.

***

She sees Pearl washing the dishes at night, when Steven is sleeping. She wishes she doesn’t know why.

***

Eventually, Steven asks why she has to use a new plate or cup every time she gets up for something. Amethyst tells him it’s because the one she just used is dirty and that’s gross. He’s confused, because this really shouldn’t bother her. At least, it wouldn’t normally.

It doesn’t.

***

Garnet notices. She’s good at noticing.

She doesn’t say anything. She’s also good at knowing when to leave well enough alone.

***

Pearl washes the dishes. It’s 2 AM.

***

Amethyst watches Pearl watching Stev-

Amethyst watches Pearl washing the dishes.

They don’t talk about it.

Notes:

A sequel?? Hell is freezing over.
I do have Garnet written and she's up next. Still contemplating a Steven chapter.

Chapter 3: Decametric

Summary:

The problem with seeing the future, Garnet thinks, is that the future always happens anyway.

Chapter Text

Decametric

 

Garnet started grieving long before Rose ever died.

***

Humans have taken to saying there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

She wonders if it is possible for all stages to occur at once.

***

The problem with seeing the future, Garnet thinks, is that the future always happens anyway.

***

She sees Pearl washing dishes late at night, when she thinks no one will see. She sees Pearl watching Steven’s blankets as though breaking eye contact would cause him to cease breathing.

She sees Amethyst, seeing Pearl. The dishes that pile up, more than ever before. Pearl doesn’t complain. Amethyst doesn’t say anything. Steven is confused, but doesn’t know enough to ask about what’s happening.

He’s too young anyway.

Garnet buys more dishes.

***

She thinks about visiting the fountain, sometimes. While Amethyst and Pearl are dealing with their grief by being with Steven, she reacts by pulling away. She used to talk, to the reflection of Rose- of Roses’ statue- in the water.

She asked questions. Questions like why and how could you and how are we supposed to do this without you?

The reflection never answered.

***

Garnet watches Amethyst watching Pearl. Both are polite enough to pretend they don’t notice her.

Up in the loft, Steven snores.

Chapter 4: Theriac

Summary:

Steven understands more than the Gems give him credit for.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Theriac

 

Steven understands more than the Gems give him credit for.

***

He notices how the dishes always get done at night, now, and Pearl doesn’t watch him sleep any more.

He realizes there’s so many more dishes every day because Amethyst is actually using dishes (instead of eating them).

He sees Garnet on the boardwalk, walking home with bags under each arm. It’s the first time he’s seen her purchase anything. Normally Pearl does all the shopping.

***

Amethyst is in her room. Pearl is doing laundry.

Garnet’s warped out.

Steven thinks he knows where.

***

He finds her at the fountain, facing away from it. Towards the sun.

Garnet hasn’t talked to the fountain for a long time. Today, Steven talks to her instead; Garnet listens.

It’s nice, she thinks, to hear a voice up here other than her own.

***

Amethyst is digging in one of her junk piles, looking for dishes. Normally she’d just arrange them into a more interesting pile, or eat them, but Steven has asked if she has any old ones that he and Connie can use to play with- Pearl won’t let them use the normal ones in case they get broken.

When she turns around from her pile holding a chipped plate and a mug with no handle, she finds a VHS tape on her favorite bean bag chair. It’s labelled “FOR STEVEN AMETHYST”.

***

When Pearl comes back in from doing laundry, something seems different.

That night, as she begins the dishes and glances up, she realizes what has changed.

While she was outside, Steven has rearranged his loft. The TV is now at the top of the stairs, and his bed is at the other end. As he turns over, she realizes she can see his face.

Pearl still does the dishes at night, but she feels better about it. She only glances up now and then.

***

Steven’s eyes remain closed. His loft doesn’t get rearranged again. Amethyst buys a working TV for her own room, with a built in VHS player. Garnet stops visiting the fountain.

They’re not OK, but they’re getting there.

Notes:

That concludes this four-part drabble set. Let me know what you liked/didn't like, I might write more for this fandom in the future and always appreciate feedback!
Hopefully this chapter makes up for some of the pain I've caused with the previous ones :)