Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You stand under the favour tree of Dormont. 

Stand is quite a loose term. In reality, you have one hand on your knee as you pant heavily. The world around you spins and buzzes out of view, static lightless dots coming and going. Craft exhaustion has doubled and blood loss has joined the mix. 

You look down at your cloak and get distracted by the angry shade that has covered it. The wish hasn't been fully broken yet. The Universe still expresses its anger. You hobble to the tree the best you can and look through the leaves. 

“STARDUST! DON'T YOU DARE!” 

The shouting comes from behind you. Loop is still on the ground. 

They can’t get up, somehow more exhausted than you are, being made entirely of craft. There's a high likelihood that the effects of craft exhaustion affect them more. It's the only reason you actually won in the first place. You should be dead. You should not exist. 

Disgusting, selfish, coward. 

You took the happy ending of another you and completely ruined it. Stepped on the wish they gave up for your sake. Hurt your family.

Callous, aimless, manipulative.

You look up, searching for a leaf. You can’t loop back but you can fix this. 

Fix this fix this fix this fix this fix this fix—

You can fix this… One last time. You can do it. You can even do it alone if you have to. You will even die permanently to have it done.

You find the leaf you are looking for. Loop is still screeching behind you but you ignore it. You take the leaf in both hands, staining it the violent shade and whisper your new wish. 

I wish for Siffrin to be restored.

I wish for Siffrin to get the happy ending.

I wish for Siffrin to get to be with their friends.

You fold the leaf and let it be taken by a breeze, nestled with the other. You feel at peace for a moment, waiting. The Universe will lead, and you will follow. 

Before long, the smell of burnt sugar overtakes your senses and you double over to retch. Nothing comes up as you cough, of course. In this loop, you haven't eaten anything. Not even the snacks from Bonnie at the end. You couldn't stomach the idea of food. 

You vision fades and you feel a tug—

On…

Your…

Stomach.

You wake up and stand faster than you should. Your mind is clear again but something is wrong. You are in the clearing of Dormont. You expected this, but it's wrong. You looped back, your craft exhaustion is mostly gone. But it's still… wrong.

You look around and see the tree line that you are closer to… you aren't in the middle. Before you can look to the middle of the clearing, you are tackled to the ground. There is a brief struggle as you topple over. Managing to look at your attacker, you pause. 

Staring down from on top of you is… you?

They look exactly like you, except he still has his other eye. He has a different set of clothes but the general idea is the same. There's the four-pointed star that's meant to look like it's part of his shirt but is a cutout. Their skirt flares over you from where they sit. 

“Loop?” You croak out, confused. 

“Yes, Stardust,” they say with pure rage and hatred. “It’s me, Helpful Loop!~ And you! The stupid, blinding IDIOT!”

The yelling spurs you into action. You push them off and get to your feet. You hold out your dagger like before and feel craft start to spark through your body. Fighting is so natural to you, it's the only thing you've done for over a year now.

“I don't want to hurt you,” you say calmly. “But I’ll go another round if you need to blow off steam.” 

Loop mirrors your actions, getting into their own stance. They look clumsy and unpracticed. They heave with rage as they stare. Neither of you make a move yet.

Loop smiles with only their eyes and launches forward, snapping and speeding up. The two of you trade blows, attacking, guarding, healing and speeding up. 

They are surprisingly slower and weaker than you. You had assumed that they were going to be stronger on account of looping longer. You did spend a good few loops at the beginning just killing sadnesses to level up, so there's that. You also win out in skill, having more recent experience with fighting. 

You plant a foot firmly in their gut and try to not feel too guilty as they go flying. They need to calm down, and the only way for that to happen is if they stop blinding going for your throat. You also need some space to breathe, but they won't let you.

You don't rush to tackle them as they land, the fall winding them enough. You take the moment to breathe deeply, in and out. This loop might already be destroyed if Loop can't get themselves together before Mira gets here. 

You look down at your dagger.

You can just force a restart.

Before that thought can form more, you hear a familiar whimpering sound. It startles the two of you out of your scuffle just enough for you to look over at the middle of the clearing. 

You make eye contact with yourself.

There’s a Siffrin in the middle of the clearing, tears streaming down their face as they struggle to breath. 

“A-Am I dead?” They squeak out in question. 

Before you even have the chance to think, you dash towards Siffrin, sliding on our knees. You pull him into a firm hug, knocking his hat off and settling his head against your chest. You place a hand in his hair and speak softly over their head. 

“Shh, you aren't dead,” you say at first. “It's okay. You’re okay. Breathe with me?” 

You know that he needs to breathe as much as you do. You feel so high-strung at the moment. Loop wanders over and stands off to the side. They take the moment to breathe in deeply and think. 

You all need to calm down. 

“I-I died,” Siffrin mumbles, “in that first hall, I died.”

“You did,” you say calmly, “You died like we did at some point. You’re stuck in a time loop.” 

“Stardust, what’s your plan here?” Loop asks with their arms crossed. 

“We’ll get them out of here,” you say simply. “Fulfill the wish. One last run.” 

“ Stars , you binding idiot,” they huff. “Do you know what this means for you?”

“What are you on about?” 

“You killed them!” They burst. “You didn't learn a single thing from me! Your family is gone! You blinking killed them!”

“I… What?” You ask, completely puzzled. 

“You made the same selfish mistake as me,” they sigh, losing all of the heat. “I made the wish to give up my own, in that I lost my family. You have accidentally and completely, stupidly repeated the exact mistake I made.”

You think about the implications of their words, think about the wish you made. The fact that there is another Siffrin in your arms proves Loop’s point. You aren't the star of this play anymore. 

“I guess I'm not Siffrin anymore,” you say simply before thinking. “Eclipse, then. I think that would be the best name.” 

Siffrin finally speaks up with a huff, “I really am poetic. ‘When the moon covers the sun’?” 

“Pretty stellar, ” you try and joke but are interrupted before you can even wink. 

“LET GO OF HIM!” A familiar voice yells. You watch Loop freeze just about as bad as you feel.

Siffrin, who is still catching his breath in your arms, startles, and all three of you look. Faithful One is standing where she normally appears from, with her rapier drawn. She has her hand set in a piercing symbol, ready to attack. This isn't good.

You lean back a little to let Siffrin remove himself from you but he holds on tight. 

“Moonlight, please,” you grumble calmly with both hands up in an obvious surrender. “Your housemaiden here is about to skewer me. Please let go.” 

Siffrin takes a moment to recognise that he is the one being spoken to as Loop gives you a glance for the nickname. They made the first one. It's your turn now. 

Siffrin breathes in deep before pushing himself back and up. No one moves as he gets to his feet, picks up his hat and wanders over to her. You slowly stand, not wanting to fight, but you will defend yourself if you must, considering the housemaiden has her rapier still pointed directly at you.

“Siffrin, are you okay?” She frets once the other gets into range. “Who are they? Why do they look like you? What happened?” 

“I’m fine,” Siffrin responds.

“Nope!” Loop immediately cheers, clapping their hands in front of them. “You aren't, we aren't doing this again.” 

“Moonlight,” you urge gently, “tell them what happened, talk to them.” 

Siffrin looks completely cornered as he looks between the three of you. Faithful One looks completely distraught as she looks over Siffrin and watches you two skeptically. Before Siffrin can even open his mouth, the others make themselves known. 

“Mirabelle, we heard shouting,” Smart One pants as she makes it to the group. “Are you okay? What happened… Who are they?”

“What the madam said,” Isabeau stands in front, guarding everyone else.

Bonnie looks directly at the two of you, looking at your eyes. They look away quickly and focus on the group, prepared to start yelling at the two attackers.

Now the two of you are standing in the field watching your once-family protect your distraught self, a self that has long since died for the two of you. 

“Well, Stardust,” Loop almost whistles, a small shake visible in their hands. “You did this. What's your plan now?”

“We get out of this blinding torture,” you say simply, “we make sure he doesn't make our mistakes. Then, if the wish works, we don’t die after this is all over.” 

“What if I wanted to die, huh?!” They shout, rounding on you. 

There's a possibility they are about to have a round three. You don't want to fight anymore but at this point it might be good to blow off some steam. Get this out of your system now instead of in the house. You won't be that lucky.

“We can talk about this later,” you say darkly, “unless you want them to hear the whole thing?”

Loop stops at that, glancing over at the others but pointedly not making eye contact. He looks over at Siffrin and locks eyes with him. The two stare at each other for a moment, silently conversing. 

“Come ooon~ Moonlight,” Loop picks up the nickname. “Tell your team what happened and we can move on. We can't take the spotlight, it's your play this time.”

“Sif,” Strong One starts, suspicious, “What are they talking about?”

“Yeah Frin!” Young One shouts, “they're weird and creepy, what are they talking about?”

You feel a pang of pain in your heart at being treated like a stranger. You brought this upon yourself; it's completely deserved.

“It is curious,” Smart One hums, analyzing the two. “There has to be a good story behind this.” 

“A grand one,” you say, a little frustrated with Siffrin. “Moonlight, they aren't going to hate you, I promise. You won't be bothering them. Just say it, please.”

Everyone seems to be taken aback by the softness of your voice. You really don't want to make this hard on Siffrin but in order to make this one loop, and one loop alone, he needs to talk.

“I-I’m not sure,” Siffrin starts finally, “I think I died.”

“What!?” is heard by Strong One, the loudest. Everyone else is making their own noise of surprise.

“You have a better explanation than that, Moonlight,” Loop prompts. “Go on, tell them what you know and we can fill in the details.”

“I… We went to the house… tomorrow?” He can't find the terminology yet and shrugs it off rather quickly. “We got to a corridor.Mira tried to tell me it was dangerous but I didn't believe her after not finding a trap. I guess I was wrong.” 

“Oh my change,” Faithful One says, only to look over him again. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“I’m sore, but I think all of the pain is phantom.”

“Gems, Siffrin, how did you roll back time?” Smart One asks. 

“That's the important question now, isn't it,” Loop feigns pondering, a hand tapping their chin, a sharp smile visible. 

“I’m tired of your attitude,” Smart One retorts, book up and hand ready to craft. “Explain, just like you made him.” 

“Oh, no, that's not my responsibility,” they say, simply looking over at you. “Stardust here got us into this situation, so he can explain it.”

“Fine, fine, I deserve this,” you admit with a sigh. “Siffrin accidentally funneled the wishes of an entire country into their own. Because of this, they trapped themselves in a time loop. This loop starts about half an hour ago and ends when the wish is incompletable.”  

You stop to let them all process what was said. You pick your words carefully, looking between everyone’s faces. Smart One and Strong One have seemed to put some of it together. He doesn't want to spill all of their secrets, but he doesn't think he can make it through another loop. This has to be the last, mistakes be damned.

“And you two?” Smart One starts, already knowing the answer to the question. “How do you two play into this? How do you know about all of this?”

“It's simple,” Loop starts. Their smile is more than strained now. “We failed.” 

Their looks turn more towards the horror side as they think over the eerily brief response. Smart One proves her name as she ponders over it. You hate to have to talk about this. The idea of telling your secrets to the carbon copies of the ones you failed is not a pleasant one. You don't want to fail a second time with a family that is not yours to hurt. 

You aren't even a Siffrin anymore, you don't deserve them. You haven't been for a long time. The first time you turned your dagger inwards is when Siffrin died in you. No wonder Loop had been so furious. 

“How do you fail?” Strong One squeaks out. “If you supposedly loop when the ‘wish’ isn’t possible.”

“That one's a longer story. Got time?” Loop says, before all but plopping onto the ground. 

They pull their knees to their chest and you go to sit beside them. They may have been a complete, blinding jerk, but they are you and you need comfort right now. You make it seem like you want to lean on the other as you sit cross legged, but they lean just as much.

“Doesn't really seem like we have a choice,” Faithful One sighs, deciding to sit down first.

Soon everyone is sitting in the field. The Universe forsaken field. This blinding field that became a prison to your tortured mind. This blinding field you woke up in after every single bad thing happened to you over the last however many loops. 

(260, your brain supplies. It always remembers the number.)

The one you have thrown up in enough times to taste only ash. The one that you have stayed in for several loops, hoping that you would just waste away and finally die in—

“Stardust,” Loop says, in a bit of a shout, “back with us?” 

“Yeah, sorry,” you say sheepishly, a little flicker in a tree catching your eye for a moment. 

“Well I guess it's appropriate to explain my side first,” Loop starts, thankfully. “My loops started much the same - crushed by a rock in the ‘Death Corridor’. Took me more loops than I would like to admit to actually get to the king. Even more than that to beat him. I couldn't give a count if I tried.

“After I finally won and looped backwards, I wandered.” Loop started to tremble a little. “I thought about trying to kill the king again, but never got to it. I gave up and destroyed myself for a new wish. A wish that lets me meet my Stardust the same way we have met you, Moonlight.” 

“You destroyed yourself?” Faithful One says. “So you're both Siffrin?” 

“We are NOT !” You both shout in unison. 

“I have not been Siffrin since I destroyed myself. I picked the name ‘Loop’ for myself. No idea if I’ll keep it if… when we get out.” 

“I have not been Siffrin for a good while myself,” you say vaguely, not spilling all of your secrets. It’s not like Loop did, either. “Call me Eclipse.”

Everyone sits in silence, looking at you. It's not nice. The sun burns into your hat like a spotlight. You look down and properly notice your outfit. The Universe has a funny way of torturing you. Your cloak and hat are completely opposite shades. The star patterns that were inside your cloak are now on the outside. 

You know that if you look in a mirror you will see them… Mal Du Pays. You blink and see their face. You don't want to be here anymore. 

You notice that your hair is much longer, and the lightless ends have completely left. You notice that it's bushy enough to cover your missing eye, which makes a good replacement for the eyepatch that both of you lack.

“Stardust, you have to breathe,” Loop grabs your hand. “Are you still tired from before? Your eye… it's that shade.”

“What?” How eloquent.

“The shade that the sky was,” they explain, “your eye is that shade in the shape of a star.” 

“Your eye did that,” you mumble as you raise a hand to your face. “It was that violent shade when we fought.” 

“Hmm… Well, I guess trying to kill you would have counted as violent, teehee~~!”

“I suppose.” You don't like the fake smile much. Everyone else is looking at you with concern. Change the subject. 

“I woke up much the same to Siffrin,” you start your tale, thinking of what to leave out. “I met with Loop after they had called me to the favour tree. It took me ten or so loops to reach the king and about sixteen to kill him. I found out that wouldn't get me out, so I spent a long, long, long time trying to find a solution. 

“By the time I found said solution, it was already too late,” you say solemnly. “I had hurt my friends, every one of them. I almost destroyed the entire Universe in my desperation. I found out what happened to Loop after finding the solution. I made one last move, one that would allow us both to get the ending. Turns out the Universe has a sense of humor, because now we have a new Siffrin to bring to the end with us.”

“So if you both failed,” Smart One starts bluntly, causing you both to flinch. “How are we supposed to get out of this?” 

“Yeah…” Faithful One looks like she's going to cry. “You died? How strong is the king? What if we don't make it?”

Strong One doesn't say anything and Young One looks confused.

“I found the solution,” you say simply, “I would never have taken the risk of a final loop otherwise.” 

“Let's have a little lesson on craft, shall we?” Loop claps their hands together in front of them. “What kinds of craft do you know of?” 

“That's easy! Rock, paper and scissors,” Young One shouts. 

“Correct, Boniface,” Smart One praises. “There is also body craft, healing craft, restoration craft, bolstering craft and the more recent theory of time craft. Among a few other less important kinds.”

The list is complete as the two want it to be. You just sigh as you know that Loop wants you to properly explain it. 

“You’re missing an important one,” you say simply. 

“Missing one?” Smart One parrots. 

“There's more craft!?” Young One shouts. “That's so cool!” 

“What could it be?” Faithful One ponders. 

“This is the craft that got you stuck here, isn't it.” Strong One looks almost on the verge of tears. 

“Yes, it is the cause,” you say softly. “It is how we got stuck here without knowing. It is how the king is able to wield time craft to freeze others.” 

“Just tell us the name,” Smart One huffs. 

“It’s called wish craft,” you oblige easily, “I mentioned the combined wishes of an entire nation. That's where they come into play. There are three things that are important in wish craft, like all other craft. Ritual, intent and the wish itself.” 

“We think that the intent of the entire country unintentionally combined with our wish,” Loop continues, “the country wished for Vaugarde to be saved. What did you wish for, Moonlight?”

“What… what did I wish for?” they parrot, stunned. 

“Of course. It would have only been a day or so ago for you.” Loop continues their antagonising. “Surely your pathetic memory hasn't lost it yet.”  

“Hey!” Young One shouts. “You can't be mean to Frin! Wait, but you are Fri-” 

“Don’t.” You are the one to interrupt them this time. You can't deal with this and thinking of them as your family isn't helping. Your family is gone now, you caused that. Stupid, stupid, Eclipse, you should have learned from the first time to wish carefully.

“I think,” Siffrin starts, “I wished to wear the clothes that Isa makes.” 

“Cute.” Loop says with no emotion. “There's more.”

“A-And I wished t-to…” he stops before he can finish it. 

“We promise we won't be mad. What did you wish for?” Strong One prompts gently.

“Yeah!” Faithful One chimes in. “Whatever it is, if we know it, we can help you fix everything.” 

Both you and Loop share a glance - you are both thinking the same thing. You are both thinking about how unfair this all is. If you had said something sooner, this whole thing would have been over with. If you weren't such a coward then it would be solved. So selfish to live out your play for so long. So manipulative to use this to make everyone love you. 

“I-I wished to stay with everyone,” they mumbled as quietly as they could. “I wished that, after we beat the king, we would stay together.” 

“Pathetic,” Loop mutters, gaining a glare from the team. “What? It’s true! Little old Siffrin has such bad abandonment issues that they destroyed themselves and almost ended the world over it.” 

“That's not something to ridicule yourself for,” Strong One argues. You wince at the intentional wording.

“Oh, but it is,” Loop argues back, “this entire time this could have been the solution. It’s infuriating.” 

“The both of us got so desperate,” you add in, “so broken. All we had to do in the end was talk. I wish I- no no no- NO!” 

You hate those words. You smell burnt sugar. You feel a tug-

Before anything can happen you are bolting to your feet. You hate this, all of this. You can see that the world is tinged with that ugly shade still. Your eye must look horrible. You see that flicker in the trees again. 

Its offset… the tree, the top of it is off to the side, disconnected. Just like the last time you stormed the house. 

Your temper tantrum isn't over, it seems. 

“I’m done talking,” you say abruptly. You can't really hear anything, so you just keep talking. “I’ll be at the favour tree, don't come looking for me. Moonlight can. I'll make a list of things you must do in Dormont.” 

You start to storm out of the clearing towards the tree before looking back a little and saying one last thing. “I will see you at the house tomorrow, and we will destroy the king one last time.” 

With that, you turn back around, pull your hat down and walk away. You still don't like the fact that it is lightless now. The entire cloak being lightless disorients you as well. Everything is wrong and you can't stand it.

You walk and think to yourself before Loop falls into step with you after a bit. Neither of you have anything to say. It's not the first time that has happened. Even after the two of you ran out of things to chat about, you still hung out at the tree. The moments of rest kept you going sometimes. 

Now the two of you fall into a familiar routine as you both sit at the tree. You write down a list of things that Siffrin should do to prepare the perfect loop. They wouldn't get the exact experience that your perfect loop had, but it will do. The team is sure to be talking about the two of you, but that's fine. This will all be over in a day anyway. 

Siffrin comes and goes. Asks a few questions but gives up when you don't answer them in the way that they want. 

You look over to Loop and open your mouth to speak. You close it before you can get words out. 

“Spit it out, Stardust.” They grump. 

“What are we going to do?” 

“With what?” 

“With everything,” you say, frustrated at the lack of words instead, changing approach. “How much of before the loops do you remember?” 

“I…” Loop stutters and stops, fear evident on their face. 

“Yeah.” You say simply. “Our pathetic memory and all.” 

Loop sits in silence again. They know what the other is thinking, to a degree. Neither of them remember how to live. You both have to start again, just like when you were found by those sailors so long ago.

“I don't know.” Loop says simply, answering the earlier question. 

“One step at a time?” 

“We both know that means we aren't going to deal with it later if we don't have to.” 

“Pfft, nawwwww!” You give a little manic laughter, sounding like Loop. You really are broken now. Pathetic. 

designs:

Chapter Text

Neither of you could get a wink of sleep, as per usual. The two of you have moved to the field that Isa had taken you to stargaze in. A conversation happens. 

“So, Loop,” you start, as the two of you lie in the grass. 

“Yes, Stardust, that’s my name.” They seem more than tired. 

“When they're over… Do you want to keep the name?” You ask vaguely. 

“The loops?”

You only hum in response. Loop sighs. “I don't know. I've used this name for as long as your loops have lasted. It's been what? A year and a half? I've had it long enough.” 

“Is there another name you would like me to use?” You ask anyway. 

“Can you think of one?” Loop drawls, entirely uninterested. 

You think about different names. If you could remember your proper one, that would be nice. Something from your country would be proper, but it's hard to remember that stuff even with your practice. 

You look at the sky and think. 

Your mind vaguely draws your attention to barely familiar shapes. None of them have a name or story. You hope to remember some of them at some point. 

“A name. A name…” You mumble absently. 

“A name?” Loop repeats, confused at the repetition. “Like just saying that will help-”

“Polaris!” You shout, the word coming to your mind out of nowhere. 

“ Polaris . That's in our language, isn't it…” they try to remember themselves. “The north star, a guiding light. You have quite the sense of humor, Stardust.” 

“Sorry, I didn't really think about it,” you say sheepishly, “I can find a nickname like you have for me.” 

“No, I like it,” Loop dismisses. “It feels right. But only you are allowed to call me that.” 

“That's fine. I think only Moonlight would be able to, anyway.” 

“True.”

You both settle into silence again.

The two of you still love looking at the stars. They were part of you. You may have your disagreements with the Universe, but you know, deep down, that it isn't its fault. You made the wish. You just didn't think it through. 

The Universe leads and you merely follow. That is to say that you are part of the Universe. 

“You lead. The Universe follows,” You mumble out loud. “Say, Polaris , do you think there's a way to get into the observatory of the house?”

“Not sure. Why?” They seem genuinely curious instead of tired. 

“I want to take the star charts,” you explain simply. “Along those lines, I want to take every book that talks about wish craft. I don't want people who can't understand messing with it again.” 

“I wholeheartedly agree,” they mutter, thinking for a moment.

“Do you think that we can use time craft?” 

“What?” You feel completely starstruck at that (heh, star struck, have to use that later).

“I was wondering. We might be able to remove a tear by using time craft,” Loop ponders, “can we reverse it? Unfreeze it?” 

You don't respond to that. In fact, you’d rather not really think about it. Time craft is not something to be messing with, but… what if? You are completely sure you could actively use it. you have, several times. 

Every time you looped without dying, you did so actively, although unintentionally at times. You could probably do it again with enough intent. Intent; that was the key to wish craft aside from the ritual and the actual wish. 

Most craft is the same. A ritual, the hand sign that was required, or other likeness. The intent, willing the craft to flow, and the actual action. You need to guide it to do what you want for it to be effective.

You stand up and test the theory in your mind. Dagger in one hand, you make a scissor craft sign with the other. “Knife to meet you,” you mutter, never quite liking the idea of announcing craft attacks. You think of how much you want to cut something. You think of what to cut and how it will happen and then you release it. 

The craft that leaves you is powerful like always, but the theory is the same. It reminds you of something, and it feels more natural than your regular method. The method you practised from Vaugardian guide books. 

“Polaris,” you whisper, astonished. “It's the method we’re taught to craft. On the island, I mean.” 

“What?” It's their turn to look dumbfounded. 

“Try it,” you prompt, “craft with the same steps of wish craft and really feel it.” 

They don't say anything before they get up and go through the slow process of feeling every step. You can see it on their face, that it feels more natural. The result is a little more controlled and powerful. It's not better than Vaugardian craft, by any means, but it is you .

“That's so weird,” they mutter, “that feels better. Were we taught this when we were younger? It's almost like Vaugarde teaches to combine the last two steps. It still works, but it's less controlled. Less efficient.” 

“That's my guess,” you say simply. “Do you think we could use the same theory on the tears? Reverse time… use time craft?” 

“Considering you managed to rewind time how many times in the house before you were exhausted, there's a great possibility. We should try it out.” 

“The sun will rise in a few hours, anyway.” You start walking towards the house. “They’ll meet us there, so let’s go test a theory.” 

You smile brightly as you make your way back into Dormont, Polaris in tow. You like the name better, you both may have been made by the loops, but it shouldn’t define you. 

You make sure to stop by the house that has the bomb parts. You sneak as quietly as you can, making sure not to disturb anyone here. You grab the part and leave whike Polaris waits outside with an unimpressed face. 

“What?” You drawl. “I want Moonlight to have an explosive victory.” 

“I hate you.” 

“You don't want to witness a burst of confidence?”

“Stop talking.”

You just cackle and walk towards the house. It takes a shorter amount of time than normal. You are both faster than the rest of the team, so you don't have to slow yourselves for them. You are sure that they are all awake and getting ready by the time you make it.

Once you get to the base of the house, you find something to experiment on. There is a small bird that has been frozen in time; it's a perfect subject. You hope you don't accidentally hurt the bird.

“Hey, Polaris, want to try and free a bird?” You smirk. “I’m sure your bird friends back at the tree would love you for this.” 

“ Soar , Stardust,” they smirk a little at the idea. “If you want to be the hero of the day, we can save a little bird.”

“Boooo,” you giggle, “that was weak. You need to get feather at puns.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Not,” you stick your tongue out at them. “Let's try this together.” 

They take the topic change for what it is. The two of you kneel down to look at the bird closely. You both go to the first step together but stop. 

“Stardust…” they groan, “we don't know the ‘ritual’.” 

“Oh.” You never really thought about that. “I never did anything when I used it before. Should we just wing it?” 

Loop chuckles, “yeah, sure, we’re waiting anyway.” 

The two focus on the bird and make an attempt. It goes nowhere. 

“Welp, that was useless.” You flop onto the ground, and Loop follows after you.

“Yep,” they say sadly, “maybe we can find something to help in the house.” 

“If not, can we just attack the tears?” You ponder. 

“I never tried that,” Loop responds. “You can attack the ones in the battle with the king, correct?” 

“Yeah,” you smirk, “operation: hit it as hard as we can?” 

“Operation: hit it as hard as we can.” 

“WE GET TO HIT THINGS!?” both of you startle at the shout. 

“Boniface, it's too early for yelling,” Smart One scolds as you two stand up. “You two are still here,” Smart One notes aloud, not sounding displeased, but not sounding too excited, either.

“Of course we’re here,” Loop crosses their arms. “We have a king to kill. Besides, if we weren't, your little Stardust there wouldn't survive the first floor.” 

“We won't let them die so easily,” Strong One says with determination. 

“Sure,” you respond to move the conversation onwards. “We know how much you all want to help. Some things had to be learned the hard way.”

“By dying?” Siffrin says this time. 

“Bingo!” Loop winks. “Now, if everyone is ready, let's get this over with.” 

Everyone seems to agree with the sentiment as they prepare their orbs like normal. You and Loop walk behind the group, not interested in the little tutorial. You two stand off to the side and watch it happen. Before you can zone out, though, Loop elbows you. 

“Hey, I have an idea,” they stage-whisper. 

“What is it?” You entertain them, not at all interested. 

“ Does this give you a headache?”

You freeze as the words flow through your mind. It's not Vaugardian and it's not any other language you know by name. It's your language… The forgotten one. 

“ We can speak in this language now!?” You all but shout. 

“ Apparently,” they huff, “ oh, look, we have an audience.” 

“What was that?” Smart One asks. 

You didn't even realize that the sadness was dispatched. You should be paying more attention. 

“That's…” Siffrin looks like they want to cry. “That's my language?”

“Ohh~!” Loop claps their hands together and chirps, “well done, Moonlight.” 

“I’ve never heard that language before,” Smart One remarks, “what is it?” 

“I don't remember~!” Loop smiles sharply and begins to walk past everybody. “Let's move along, folks.” 

You trail behind them, the rest of the group much farther back. 

“ Polaris!” You shout quietly. “ Can we not antagonise them? We need them to be at their best!”

“ We don't, ” they dismiss, “ we can beat the king on our own. You almost did.” 

“... Fair point,” you fret, “ can we keep the anger to a minimum, please?”

“YOU’RE ONE TO TALK, HUH?!” 

“Okay, you two,” Strong One steps in, “please don't kill each other.” 

Loop just shouts wordlessly and walks off, so you follow along. You really are a hypocrite, aren't you? Stupid, angry, violent, broken Eclipse. You let your hat cover over your face as you walk. 

The first section is easy. Loop and you stand off to the side as they collect items. Siffrin is doing a good enough job collecting everything, so you don't comment. Loop wanders off to grab their key and you meet back up at the door. 

“Stand against this wall,” you say before the loop can do it. 

You walk over to the pillar and disarm the trap. You look over to the rock as it falls and freeze when you see a ghost standing under it. There are a few noises of surprise as it gets squished like all three of you have. 

“Well,” Loop comments, “that's new.” 

“It’s probably my fault,” you state, earning a few concerned glances. “I started to see ghosts of myself and they were really bad on my last loop. The team was able to see them, too. They aren't a concern.”  

No one has a chance to say anything as you walk off. You're not really into talking about any of this. You walk to the right, watch as all three of you forget the name of the forge and everything with it. You point out the sword, collect the sharpening stone and leave. 

You have decided that fighting isn't something you particularly want to do. You equip the memory of sadnesses and watch them skitter away. 

“How can you do that?” Young One asks as they watch a sadness run away. 

“If you get to a certain point,” you smile, “your shining personality starts to push things away.” 

The joke doesn’t get received by anyone except Loop - everyone else looks confused. You wink and keep walking. 

You walk into the room with the candles and let everyone explore. There isn't anything in here you are interested in, so you just wait. Everyone says their lines and you fight not to say yours. You aren't in this play anymore. You should be happy with your freedom. 

You aren't. 

You leave the room and walk into the next, destroying the papers with more than necessary force in piercing craft. Some of the group make questioning noises but leave it in favour of looking at the articles on the wall. 

“Hey, this one talks about the king,” Faithful One says suddenly. “He has the same weird symbol on his chest as you do, Loop.” 

“A symbol to represent the stars,” they explain, “it’s the symbol of our people.” 

“Your people?” Smart One says while writing in her book. “They’re not one I remember.” 

“Nor do we,” you chime in angrily. “The king realized his lack of memory and decided to freeze the entire country. This was all to prevent it from ever happening again to the country he loved.” 

“How do you know this?”

“I asked him.”

You walk out of the room as you watch Loop get the key from the drawer and walk out. The rest of them finish looking over the room and follow along. Time to go, right now.

You zone out as you lead the group before you find another ghost. This time, it's not one that you would have made. 

You stop and watch with a wide eye as the ghost points out something behind the group. You don't look in the direction, you just watch as their face falls and they practically hug the tear. 

“Looks like the ghosts aren't only from me,” you say, looking over at Loop. 

“What did they touch?” Faithful One asks. 

“Those are tears,” you explain, “don't touch them, you’ll get frozen instantly.” 

“Loop touched that intentionally,” Smart One states.

“I did,” Loop dismisses. “They allowed me to force a loop.” 

“You used those to loop!?” Strong One shouts. 

“What?” You defend this time. “It's just like falling asleep. It was the preferred method.” 

“ Prefered method until you want to save time,” Loop grumbles at you, earning a glare.

“You aren't just saying that, right?” Young One looks at you. You blink and see their face of horror as they scream for help. 

“No, I am not,” you say confidently. “Tear dreams are pleasant. They're a little weird but they're comfortable. Your sister will be fine.” 

The last part was a lot quieter than the rest. The look that they give you is unreadable. You just turn to backtrack to the room at the beginning of the hall. Inside, Siffrin picks up everything and they all chat about games. You watch Loop walk over to the book hidden in the corner. 

“Did you ever find that before?” You ask quietly. Smart One glances at you but can't eavesdrop. 

“ I didn't, I was just thinking,” Loop starts, staring at the book without opening it. “ What were the death rituals in our country like?”  

“ I don't know,” you admit solemnly. “ That's what we can do when we finally get out of this blinding prison. We can look into our home and stars, we could even try to reach it.”

“ I guess that's a start. Let's get moving.”  

You don't need to say more as they put the book down and you leave the room towards the next. You open the lock easily and walk over to the book on the table. You pocket it almost immediately. 

“I’m not even going to pretend I didn't see that,” Smart One comments. 

“I’m not explaining it,” you say. “Sorry, it's not really information people should know. You can't even read it anyway.” 

“Fine,” she relents. 

You just sigh and leave the room. You walk over to the room with the star sadness. Before anyone can even get into a fighting stance, you attack. Loop follows in quick succession. Both of you memorised the required craft, so you take out the creature near instantly. You go to pick up the crest and turn to the horrified faces of your old allies. 

Your breathing catches in your throat as you remember how you even got the memory of sadnesses.

You’ve messed up. You have to loop back. Loop back. Loop back. Loop—

“ Stardust,” Loop says in your language, “ breathe.”

The reminder is helpful as you breathe. Everyone's faces go from scared to concerned, which isn't any better. You don't care. You just want out. You hand the crest to Siffrin and direct them out of the room. 

You and Loop trail behind them. The next room is too enclosed for you. Staying at the outskirts of the kitchen, you watch as Siffrin runs into the counter. The teasing he receives makes you and Loop both frown.

“ I’ll be honest,” you start, “ I'm starting to regret my wish. I don't want to be here anymore.”

“ Hah, us making good decisions with wishes?” There is no humour in their voice. “ Never has or will happen.”

You laugh humorlessly with Loop, and for that, the others give you two concerned looks. Neither of you care as you wander out of the room once they’ve looked at everything. 

“Do you want us to take out the boss?” You ask from the front of the group. “Or do you want to give it a shot?”

“If you're confident enough to take it on your own,” Strong One says. “We shouldn't have a problem taking it out, right?”

“Sure,” you dismiss. 

The group reaches the locked door and you unlock it without fanfare. The boss sits in the middle of the room, waiting. As discussed, you and Loop wait for the others to either kill it or almost die trying. 

The latter occurs as you realize that having all of the sadnesses run away isn't good for their level scaling. Luckily, it is on its rock faze as you launch a paper attack across the room. The Sadness falls and you watch as everyone catches their breath. 

“Slight oversight,” you say, casually walking over. “You might want to actually fight the sadnesses on the floors to gain experience.” 

“How are you so strong then?” Faithful One asks, not unkindly. 

“When you spend months walking these halls, you gain some significant experience,” you explain. “Not to mention the times I thought that I needed to be stronger and intentionally leveled myself up a lot.” 

“How strong are you even?” Strong One asks. 

“Attack me.” 

“What?!” He looks scared by your seriousness. “But I have the type advantage.” 

“Exactly,” you say simply, “attack me and see.” 

Strong One does as asked and reels his hands back to land a solid hit against your blocking arms. You don't even get pushed back by the hit. Everyone looks more scared than before. 

“Believe me now?” 

“I guess.” 

“Are you okay?” Faithful One says, noticing you rubbing your forearms. 

“Yes, thank you.” You quickly heal your arms and turn to leave. 

Everyone stands, a little awestruck for a moment, before following along. You get to the safe room and find a corner to sit down in. You aren't hungry and won't participate. It's not your place. 

“ How are you fairing?” Loop sits beside you, leaning on you, touching shoulders. 

“ Honest answer,” you don't feel the need to lie to someone who already knows the answer. “ Not great.”

“ The feeling’s mutual,” they drawl. “ This sucks. Let's hope it's worth it.” 

“ Yeah,” you say confidently, “ it will all be worth it in the end. You helped me get out of my loops so I will help you with yours.” 

“And apparently another Siffrins.” 

“The only Siffrin.”  

Chapter Text

Snack time continues as the two of you look though the book you took earlier, pointedly keeping your thoughts off of the plantain chips. The last time you read it, you were only looking into wish craft. This time (heh) you are looking into time craft. There might be a ritual written in it to help. 

“Time craft,” Loop mutters, “are you sure this won't kill us?”

“If we die, I think we loop again,” you say simply, “even then, we've used it so many times that we should be fine.”

“That’s a question,” Loop ponders. “Without a ritual, how did you manage to cast it willingly before?”

“The active theory is the same as how the country managed to cast wish craft. Even if they were missing one of the three steps, they had enough of another to offset it. You certainly had enough intent and practice yourself.” 

“I feel like this is a conversation that would be good to share,” Smart One interrupts.

“Yeah, sure,” you mutter, “what do you want to know?” 

“I have heard the term ‘wish craft’ more than once from you,” she begins. Everyone is looking by now. “Does that have something to do with the time loops?” 

“Yes,” Loop answers. “Wish craft is a forgotten craft that takes specific rituals to allow someone to ask the Universe for favours.” 

“The effectiveness depends on a few factors,” you continue, counting on your fingers as you speak. “The ritual you use, the intent and the actual wish. Certain rituals are better than others. Intent should be self explanatory, and the wish has to be specific enough for the Universe to interpret.” 

“The Universe?” Faithful One asks. “You speak of it like a deity.” 

“The Universe is not a god,” you clarify. “The Universe is everything; the massive expanse that is our world and all of the others beyond it. The Universe is everything. It is nothing and it is you.” 

Your stupid memory supplies the lines from a book you can't quite remember reading, the quote taken from a family member or two teaching you. 

“Stardust, how do you remember this stuff?” Loop asks. 

“I don’t,” you say, and the anguish shows through your voice unintentionally. 

“So this ‘Universe’... how does it grant wishes?” Smart One asks. 

“If all of the requirements are fulfilled and everything works out, the Universe will alter its path. Sometimes this has the desired outcome, but sometimes… You get stuck in eternal torture with no known way of escaping. The Universe is not unkind, but it does not think about us. We are just too small in its expanse to matter. You must be specific and think about the effect of your wish to avoid ill-granted wishes.” 

“I made a wish yesterday!” Bonnie shouts, “does that mean Nillie will be okay!?”

“Your sister will be just fine, kid,” Loop takes on a soft tone. “But no, no one used the correct ritual.” 

“What's the correct ritual?” Smart One continues to write notes in her book as she continues her questioning. 

“You have to find a lea-”

Siffrin starts, but the two of you cut them off. “Absolutely not,” you say. 

“Not happening, Moonlight,” Loop all but shouts. “Wish craft has only led to bad things. If we could, we would see it destroyed.” 

“You say this like you know other examples,” Smart One prompts, “care to elaborate?” 

“Best one is the king,” Loop explains. “He made the wish to have the power to ‘save Vaugarde’. He believed that preserving everything was the best method to complete that. Wish craft gave him the ability to freeze time.” 

“Your country,” she begins, frustratingly perceptive, “wish craft was made there, correct?” 

“That's my guess.” 

“Did its disappearance have something to do with wish craft?” 

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Siffrin speaks up, and everyone looks over, concerned as Siffrin’s face pinches with pain. 

“Sorry, Moonlight,” you get up and walk over, “this stuff must hurt.” 

“Yeah,” he looks devastated. “I don’t remember. I can’t remember. It hurts.” 

“Here,” you say softly, pulling them into a hug.

They flinch at the contact but melt into the embrace. They don't know that the others think they hate touch yet. They don't know half of the stuff about themselves that you have managed to figure out. But at the same time, you don’t really remember anything from before the loops. Your mind barely provides glimpses when you think of it. Loop must be worse off, in that regard.

“S-Sif?” Strong One squeaks out. “You’re okay with hugs?” 

Siffrin pushes you away, staring at the others with a matching perplexed look. You smirk the same way that Loop does as you both get the same idea. Loop wanders over and the two of you practically tackle Siffrin. His hat falls to the ground and he looks completely surprised, but doesn't push you away. He just stands and accepts the manhandling.

“Oh, our little Moonlight here?” Loop singsongs.

“Little touch-starved Moonlight,” you fake a remorseful face. “Poor thing.” 

“I- what!?” Strong One shouts. “This whole time we- we!”

“We thought you hated it! You flinch every time…” Faithful One says, looking like she wants to cry. “Have you not this entire time?” 

“It's not that I don't like it,” Siffrin mumbles, “I’m just not used to it.” 

“Go.” You let go and shove him at the same time Loop does. “Go get your hug.” 

You don't need to tell him twice as he walks about half of the distance only to be intercepted. The others - sans Smart One - meet him halfway in a group hug. 

“I’m sorry, Siffrin I should have asked,” Faithful One says with a teary voice. 

“Yeah, Sif,” Strong One reiterates, “why didn't you say anything?”

“Stupid Frin!” Young One shouts. “The stupid adults told me not to touch you, but now I can, right?” 

“I think?” Siffrin responds. “How did you two find this out?” 

With all of the attention on you two, the joke isn't as funny anymore. You think of a response, mostly seeing if Loop had figured it out in their loops. Based on the silence, they probably didn't.

“Lots of disconnected events,” you wave your hand vaguely. “Young One was the one to outright tell me.” 

“Wait,” Smart One finally contributes, “you said you weren't used to it… When was the last time you got a hug?”

“Ahhh,” Siffrin responds. You cringe. You don't remember a single time that happened, but you were hoping that it was just due to your extra bad memory of before the loops. You’re unable to confirm. 

“I don't remember,” he responds, and everyone hugs him tighter. 

“Gems, Siffrin. I may not even be one for touch, but that's horrible,” says Smart One, exasperated. 

Siffrin wiggles and everyone lets go, and you hold out his hat that you picked up. He takes it and hides under it the best he can. 

“I’m sure I was loved a lot as a kid…” they trail off, and you get a sense of dread. “Like my mum would hug me all the time. We would sit on the beach or at the docks and hug while she taught me about the stars! She and my… um…

"ah..."

Siffrin falls silent, blinks, then squeaks awkwardly, “sorry, what was I talking about again?” 

You shake your head as a wave of dizziness passes over you. You don't know what they said, but you know it was about your home. You look over and Loop has the same reaction. 

“You were talking about your mum,” Strong One says, “how she would hug you and-” 

“Stop,” you say before the other two can. “Moonlight, try not to talk about our past. It will only lead to disorientation and pain. We need to keep a level head for now.” 

“Oh, sorry.” He looks impossibly sad. You understand that hole in your heart all too well.

“That's quite alright, Moonlight,” Loop smiles. “This one has done it to me a number of times. A little payback is fine.” 

“Did you explore the house together?” Smart One asks after finishing an entry in her journal. 

“No,” Loop says, “I watched Stardust from the favour tree. I never wanted to set foot inside once my time was up.” 

“While this ‘standing around and chatting’ thing is fun,” you cut in, “we still have a king to beat and we’ve only gotten to the second floor.” 

You don't care to stick around long enough to hear anyone’s responses as you walk, touch the star in the middle of the room, and head out the door. You are sure that the other two that could see it noticed the action. You also know that anyone who couldn't see it had no idea something happened. You get so used to touching them as you walk by without being noticed. It's second nature.

You quickly bring the memory of family to the front of your mind. You almost feel like crying from doing so, but the others need to get the experience boost. You wonder what Loop has for a memory. Do they have the same memories as you, or are they all different? You could ask, but don't really feel like it as you walk into the large hall with two sadnesses. 

“There you go,” you step out of the way, “go nuts.” 

Before they even engage in the first fight, you are already snapping your fingers to give them a speed boost. Your increased level enhances the effectiveness of the craft, but only Siffrin seems to notice.  

“Don't forget to save me a slice,” you hear Loop mutter, and feel the familiar sensation of bolstering craft. 

You whip your head to the side and they look beyond bashful. They refuse to meet your eyes as they pointedly stare at the battle ahead of you. 

“You know bolstering craft?” You shout. 

“ You know both healing and rock craft,” they cross their arms in front of them, finally meeting your eyes. “Unlike someone, I had to try and find ways to kill the king without that useful little shield.” 

“How did you manage that?” It's a genuine question; they immediately told you that you would need to find a shield. 

You watch as Loop crosses their arms in front of their chest, calling craft. They breathe out from their guard position and at the same time sweep both arms out.  You feel a shield form over you - more crude and rough than your Mira's, but strong nonetheless.

“Ooohhh,” you say, examining the sheen the shield leaves behind as you lift your arms. “That's why you suggested the shield. Because you made it yourself.”  

“Correct,” they say without fanfare. This conversation must not be fun for them, so you drop it and watch the fight. 

Belatedly, you realize that the others have taken the boosts in stride and taken out both sadnesses already. You've run out of time to relax, it seems.  

“Where did you two learn the extra craft types?” Siffrin is the first to ask. 

“Well, Moonlight,” Loop claps their hands in front of them, “when you are forced to fight through the house for months on end… you pick up a few tricks. ”

“How long have you been here?” Siffrin queries. 

“I stopped counting,” you say easily… lying.

You know the number. No matter how many times you tried to stop counting, you did anyway. What started as a way to keep track became another nail in your coffin. Another tick in the clock that was your insanity.

“I don't remember,” Loop answers, most likely a lie as well. 

“Better question,” Smart One pipes up. “How many times did you win or lose to the king?” 

“Let's go with wins,” you decide. The amount of losses for Loop would send Faithful One into a full panic attack. 

“I beat him once,” they say, and the squeak that Faithful One makes anyway says that your attempt failed regardless.

“I beat them fifteen or so times I think,” you say, “Loop helped a lot, so I only lost a handful of times.” 

The wording of an accidental pun makes Loop wince. You close your eyes to breathe before you start panicking and see them. Their cries, fear and pain. 

“Stardust,” you feel a hand on your shoulder, “come on, let's get moving.” 

You nod, grateful for the distraction. You start leading the group again, towards the left corridor. You get into the split halls and watch as a ghost takes the left path. They look injured and tired. They lean on the wall, but keep walking. 

You know that had to be one of yours, from the last loop. You took that side, not wanting to think about the conversation that happens on the right. You know that you weren't doing well at the time, but didn't think it was that obvious. 

“How did you even manage to storm the house alone?” Loop asks for you. 

“You were alone?” Young One asks. 

“I wasn't,” you correct, “until the last loop, that is.” 

“That's so cool!” They shout, making you flinch. “You did all of this alone!? You're so strong!” 

“Thanks, Bo- Young One.” You feel a small smile take over your face at their enthusiasm. 

The others are making concerned faces at the implications, but you ignore them. You take the right path and Faithful One says her regular lines about the frozen person that you pointedly ignore. You zone out as you keep walking. 

You barely notice you have made it to little garden class before you instinctually turn and stop. You look over the door and see it completely distorted. It looks like the house did more with the further you went in the last loop. You hear some murmurs of confusion as you ignore them and go and reach for a doorknob in the wrong spot. 

Before you can actually touch the cursed door, you are hit with an unseen force. It launches you all the way back into the hall where Strong One catches you and keeps you upright. You don't look anywhere other than the door, not when it looks right back. 

You look at the completely lightless version of Siffrin, the one you remember from your last encounter with the king. The one that almost made you give up forever. The embodiment of all of your grief and longing and loneliness. 

“Mal du Pays…” you say as you look upon the silent form. 

They don't say anything this time. They just stare. And stare and stare. And stare and stare and stare and stare-

“SAY SOMETHING!” You shout, righting yourself and they just STARE- 

Mal du Pays finally moves. They just tilt their head in a mocking fashion as they take a step back. They give a little wave as they faze through the door. You keep staring at where they were long after they're gone. 

Why? Why are they here? They were only in your dream the last loop…

Was it a dream…?

“Stardust? Eclipse… Siffrin!” Loop is trying to get your attention. You turn your head slowly to look over. “There you are. What was that?” 

“I- the last time…” you stammer out. Loop is holding your hands. It keeps you grounded. 

“That was a sadness…” Faithful One squeaks out, and your eyes widen more. 

“When you almost lost to the king…” Loop starts, “you were about to be frozen.” 

“Mal du Pays… That means homesickness,” Smart One supplies helpfully. 

“I spent a long time learning what I could about my home…” you don't think you could get out of this conversation. “I think that had an effect.” 

“That's an understatement, Stardust,” Loop says sadly, “you learned a lot more about that than I managed to. It must have changed some things.” 

“You were so sad you made a sadness?” Young One asks.

“I think?” You reply. “It’s not fully formed, I don’t think.” 

“You also almost broke the world, so the sadness isn't the most impressive thing,” Loop smiles. 

“You keep saying that,” Smart One comments, “mind elaborating?”

“Stardust here had a mental breakdown,” Loop says with a shrug. “That shade that’s in their eye right now overtook the sky and the Universe almost crumpled in on itself.” 

“That was in the last loop, right?” Strong One almost whispers. 

“Yeah,” you confirm, confused by the question. 

“That was about a day ago?” 

“Yes…?”

“Do you need a hug?” The question fully catches you off guard.. 

Your face feels a little hot, thinking about the conversation you had with your Isa before you gave everything up. You desperately want to say yes to that question. But you can't. You can't. Not here, not when these aren't your people. Not after what you did to them.

“No, thank you,” you say and turn to leave. “Let's get moving.” 

“ Are you sure you don’t need a hug?” Loop switches languages as you walk. “ Your eye is still that shade. Everyone knows you aren’t okay .” 

“ Can you get off my back!?” You snap. “ I don’t need to be dealing with every BLINDING thing right now! Can I just take a break!?” 

“Not when last time that happened the world almost broke,” Loop crosses their arms over their chest. No one's walking.

“ I know I blinded everything, alright!?” You think you’re crying. You’re not sure. “ Why do you even care at this point? I don't need to be here, I'm just messing it up more!”  

“ Eclipse,” you fall silent as your name leaves Loop’s mouth. “ I didn't get any hopes of getting as far as you did. If anything, I'm the useless one.” 

“ You helped me get this far…” 

“Exactly. Now let's cool it down on the self-hatred.” Loop smiles softly. “I’ll lead for a bit. Take a break.” 

“Fine…” You can't argue with them. Not when you desperately want a break.

You zone out as you stick to the back of the group. You trust Loop. They collect the key and let everyone explore. As soon as the door to the library is open you retreat to the secret part. You don't listen to the others questioning it. They can follow along in their own time. 

You start by grabbing the wish craft book, then look for the colour theory one. You look through it, briefly looking for the colour name for the one you've brought back accidentally. You think you've calmed down enough for it to have gone away. You can tell when it's there based on the looks the others give you.

After a bit of searching, you find the word “red”. It's a colour described to be violent and visceral. You remember the wound on your face bleeding the colour before you made the second wish. It made the most sense. You decide to take this book as well. You aren't above petty theft anymore. After all of the torture you were put through in this house, you deserve it. 

You take a moment to look for any more books you need to remove and find none. Faithful One finds the book on crafts and learns the carrot method. You ignore the others as you go to stand by the exit to the library. You look out the door and freeze as you look into the hall. Standing in the middle is Mal du Pays again. They wink (does it look like that for you? You can only tell it's a wink by context) and disappear before anyone else gets the chance to see them. 

You shudder slightly but put on a brave face. The others shouldn't be worried about this when they have something better to do. Loop leads the group again and you zone out, trailing behind. You see a few more ghosts just walking around the house and doing various things. Everyone has learned to ignore them pretty much. 

Once you've made it to the classroom, you sit down in one of the chairs while everyone chats. You don't listen to the conversation about the names. You don't listen as someone asks Faithful One about the class she taught. 

You. Don’t. Listen. 

Everyone is done after longer than you would like, so you walk out silently. 

A ghost dies to a sadness.

The party takes the sadness out easily with the support craft from you two. You stay out of the room with the ‘weird smelling’ sadness. The party is getting stronger. 

You take the lead for a moment as you walk past the tear-blocked hallways. You unlock the door and walk in, slipping the glass into your cape. Loop didn't even see it this time, distracted by something someone else said. You don't know why you grabbed it, but you did. You don't want to give it up. You leave it safely in your pocket. 

You leave the room and Loop uses the crest in the correct direction. Everyone follows them as you turn around to attack the other tears. You just attack them a few times, and to your utter surprise… It works. You’re a little out of breath. Ignoring cooldowns isn't smart it would seem.

You look in awe as the tears dissipate. If you had known this sooner… 

This Universe be damned, house! Hindsight is twenty-twenty, they say! 

You laugh to yourself and wait for the others to make their way back. Loop looks at you, a little puzzled, but leads the group into the infirmary. They let everyone explore everything they need to and you both lead them back to the main room. 

“The next floor-boss is ahead,” you warn, “does everyone feel prepared?” 

“Yeah!” Strong One pumps a fist, and everyone else joins in the sentiment. 

You smile to yourself. You missed when you could get caught up in this. The first few loops, the perfect loop. You take the lead and open up the door, drawing your dagger. You won't attack without them needing help. That doesn’t mean you won't be prepared. 

You and Loop supply supporting crafts as the others start the attack. You direct them to focus on the one with short hair, knowing the type advantage will make for a better jackpot. 

The short-haired one eats the long-haired one and you see Loop go pale. You understand why; after their fight, you understand more than you’d like to. The others complete the jackpot combo just as you normally plan it, and the enemy falls easily. 

“ Polaris?” You say quietly, “ are you okay?”

“ Just perfect, Stardust,” they respond with a hand over their mouth. 

It doesn’t fool you. They are trying to stop themselves from throwing up. Not like you could help any, you just start walking towards the safe room. You settle off to the side in a corner and pull out the craft book again to start reading. Loop settles with you, so you tilt the book towards them to read together. 

Neither of you are really listening to the conversation the others are having. Bonnie is announcing the snacks and everyone is choosing theirs. You look up to make sure, and sure enough - Siffrin picked the pineapple. 

You shout wordlessly and dash over to tackle him. Everyone makes some startled noises, but you don't care. You stare down at them, angrily. 

“What in Universe’s name were you thinking!?” You shout. 

“W-What?” They stutter, bewildered. 

“Stardust,” Loop says cautiously, “we never told them.” 

“Told them what?” Smart One interjects. 

“We’re allergic to pineapple,” you say to Siffrin, hoping it will stick this time without them having to die. You forgot in your own time. 

“How allergic?” Smart One prompts. 

“The trigger-a-time-loop amount.” You hope Young One doesn't quite understand how bad it is. 

“O-Oh…” Siffrin bristles as you get off of them. “I didn't remember that.” 

“Neither did I,” you and Loop say at the same time. 

“How do you forget something like that?” Strong One questions, looking mortified. 

“Same way you forget everything and got lost at sea. Just don't eat the pineapple, Moonlight.” 

You wander back to your spot and pick up the book. You let the other conversation pass over you as you read. Loop has been reading too, and you're starting to get the idea. Just to your luck, there is a section on time craft. It's all theoretical, but it's a start.

“ So it's like… this?” They try to make the hand-sign. 

You try to do the same. It's hard, and it requires both hands. One on the top and the other at the bottom. Both make the same shape facing each other; it's described as an hourglass. Thumb meets forefinger with the other three fingers spread. The two of you struggle but get it after a bit. 

You have an idea to try it out. Reaching into your cloak, you pull out a bird - the same one you tried it on earlier. You kept it with you in case you needed to test it out. 

“Why do you have a bird?” Loop looks unimpressed. 

“What?” You grump, setting it down. “Want me to try on a person?” 

“Touche.” You giggle a little and let Loop try first. 

They try hard, but do not succeed; the craft fizzles out every time. Your turn. You make the hand sign and look down at the bird, thinking of how much you want the bird to be unfrozen. How you want to restore its time, bring it back to the current flow. 

It takes a moment, but soon the little thing is stretching out a wing. Its shades are returning to it as the process continues. You feel a little dizzy, but finish the job. Don't want to leave it half frozen. You manage to completely free the thing and drop your hands with a sigh. 

“OH!” Loop shouts before hugging you and shaking you around. “You did it! There's my Stardust, I believed in youuuu~~!”

“I will kill you,” you grumble out, shoving them off. 

You watch as the bird flies around the room, drawing your attention to the rest of the team. The team that was watching you. You just sign and put on a weak smile.

“Was that time craft?” Smart One asks first, looking uncharacteristically stunned. 

“Uhh…” How eloquent. “Yeah.” 

“How did you even learn that?” She pulls out her notebook and starts writing furiously.  

“I learned the last half from the loops.” You are bad at explaining things like this. “The ritual part was what I didn't know. I just had enough intent to make up for it before. So every time I looped intentionally I was conscious enough to feel it?” 

“What Stardust is trying to say,” Loop takes over, “is that craft has three basic components. Some can be bypassed if the others are present enough. We just figured out the last component - the ritual and used the others we already knew.” 

“Three components?” Smart One parrots. “Elaborate.” 

“The ritual, the intent and the…” they pause to think. “I don't know it in Vaugardian. The request? We would call it a ‘wish’, but that doesn't apply in this context.” 

“Is that how you are taught craft?” She asks. “On the island, I mean?”

“I believe so,” you answer easily.

“Huh,” she starts writing stuff down. “I’ll have to look into this.” 

“Wait, are you okay Eclipse!?” Faithful One asks, “It’s supposed to be a craft too strenuous to attempt! How are you still standing!?” 

“I don't know,” you say simply. “It might have something to do with practice. I know what extreme craft exhaustion feels like. I'm fine.” 

“Why are you trying to learn time craft?” Siffrin asks. 

“I want to freeze the king,” you state. Everyone gapes at you. 

“Why?” Faithful One asks, mortified. 

“To ensure there are no variables to break Moonlight out of the loops,” you say simply. “You had frozen him in my last loop with some sort of reflection craft. I don't know how to teach you that, so I’ll do it. Besides, it’s the right thing to do. He experiences true happiness that way. I may hate him, but it's the best ending.”

“When you say he experiences ‘true happiness’,” Strong One is the one to speak this time, “how does freezing him do that?” 

“When he was freezing, he mentioned being able to see it… Our home. He did all of this because he couldn't remember our home. I may not agree with the methods he’s used, but he's desperate and broken. In a way, we did the same thing as he did for the same reasons. It's only fair that I give him at least that, if being fellow countrymen means anything in the end.” 

“That's so sad…” Faithful One looks like she wants to cry. 

“Do not feel bad for him. He does not deserve this, not with the cruelty he is capable of,” you snap.

You remember the screams, the tears and their fear.

“You're right,” she looks down, “sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” You go to sit down. “Rest up a little more. The last floor is the hardest.” 

Chapter Text

Snacktime concludes with no more incidents, and everyone is refreshed. You lead the group into the next floor, looking over them as they take out the sadnesses. You take a detour to the southern hall on the right side. You might as well let the others see the room. 

You wander, whistling a small tune you don't remember until you make it to the next room. Like always, everyone goes to see the dog and forget the human is right there.

“ECLIPSE!” Young One shouts, thoroughly scaring you. “Can you unfreeze the dog!?”

“I…” You sputter. “... Why?”

“Why not?’ 

“Boniface,” Smart One begins, “if we unfreeze the dog it'll be in danger.” 

“Exactly, kid,” Loop seems amused by all of this as they chime in. “The dog will be fine once we take care of the king. We should leave it where it’ll be safe for now.”

“Oh…” Young One takes a look down at the dog again, motioning to the human. “I guess it wouldn't be nice if she woke up without the dog, huh.” 

“Precisely,” Faithful One claps her hands, standing up. “Where to next?” 

You pull off your hat, holding it to your chest as you duck through the crack in the wall. You hear sounds of surprise as you walk through the door. You go to replace your hat before it is snatched out of your hand. 

“Hey!” You all but pout as Loop places it on their head. 

“My turn.” They stick their tongue out at you and wink. 

You just sigh and give up, walking into the secret room and hanging out in a corner. The others find a letter and you watch as Siffrin makes the same mistake you did. You don't remember making said mistake before, but the sinking dread in your stomach proves it.

You and Loop listen as he recounts the time you ran away… the last time. He hasn't caught on to the ending of the story he is telling, but you two have. You hear a slight sniffling sound and look over to its source. 

“ I didn't mean to,” Loop sobs, “ I didn't mean to leave, I just wanted to scare them.” 

“ I know.” You pull them into a hug, because you know you need that hug as well.

“ I wanted to go back,” Loop sobs a little harder. You're also crying. “ I wanted -”

“ I know, Polaris,” you whisper. 

Siffrin has started to stutter. 

“I know.” 

“And then I…” Siffrin loses steam. “I…” 

“... Sif?” Strong One asks. You feel disoriented. 

“Um, yes?” he looks confused until he looks over at you two. 

You are facing the group, mostly covered by your hat as Loop tries to collect themselves. You can't remember why you two were crying. You feel a gnawing, raw hole in your heart. Your tears have yet to dry.

“Well that's concerning,” Smart One comments as she finishes the notes in her book. 

“What- what happened?” Siffrin asks. 

“You seemed to have remembered something tragic,” she says vaguely. “You forgot about it immediately. Would you like me to recite it?” 

“Please?” You ask, feeling a little pathetic. Loop must share the sentiment, as they pull back a little to look over at her. They stay in a sort of half hug.

“Okay. From what he was saying,” she points to Siffrin. “There was a time that you ran away from home as a small prank. Based on the reactions of those two… It didn't go well.” She looks guilty for a unknown reason as she finishes. 

“That would make sense,” Siffrin mutters. “I think I was found by a group of sailors. It's the first thing I remember, but it's still hazy. What happened?” 

“I’ve tried asking that question a few times,” you mutter, feeling that the tears have finally run their course. 

You try not to think about how you don't really remember being found by sailors. Or the boat you would have sailed in, or anything after that, for that matter.

“After the loops,” Loop starts, “we can try and find that out. Find out who we are, where we came from.”

“That would be nice.” You feel a small smile take over your face. Small, but genuine. 

“I have a question,” Faithful One pipes up, looking anxious. 

“Feel free, Housemaiden,” Loop smiles a little sharply. 

“What does it feel like?” She asks, before peeping and clarifying, “when you forget stuff, I mean? Whenever you talk about something that makes you forget, you look so lost.” 

“I’m not sure how to answer that,” they respond honestly. 

“I assume this happens more often then we are aware of,” you guess aloud, and Smart One flips through some pages in her book. 

“That would be correct.” She flips the book around to show a little list that she must have revised at some point. “I made a little list a while ago after I noticed a trend. I haven't gotten the chance to update it in a bit.” 

The three of you step forward to look at the list. You don't remember a single instance you read. You look at the small stories about your family and find that none of them are too specific—likely on purpose. 

“I don't remember any of these,” you mutter. 

“Neither do I,” Loop confirms. 

“I think that I remember a little about these four…” Siffrin points to four entries. “Beyond that, I don't even remember when they would have happened.”

“Hehee~!” Loop sounds a little manic suddenly as they drawl, “wow, Siffrins really are cursed with the worst memory.” 

“It's a little concerning that you two remember less,” Strong One comments, sporting a troubled look. 

You turn away and start to walk out the room, dramatically running your hand along the walls. You pull your hand away to assess the dust that builds on your glove. Rubbing it off, you smile wide and sharp. 

“I’ve walked the walls of this house longer than I was in the party before it.”

You keep leading the group, passing the locked door and letting the others do the last hit on sadnesses you pass. You got good at weakening your attacks from before. The memory of sadnesses haunts you from the back of your mind. You make it to the room with the mirror and go to stand off to the side before Loop drags you along. 

You protest weakly, standing towards the back of the group as the others go through the motions. Strong One finds the switch and the picture is taken. Everyone crowds around the picture and you choose to look away. 

Turning to look for the key, you make eye contact with Mal. They tilt their head and vanish. You really aren't liking this at all. Sighing, you walk over and grab the key, hoping that the others don't see the way your hands shake. 

“ Stardust?” Loop calls, “ you look a little pale.” 

“ It’s nothing,” you lie and walk out of the room. You’re really good at running from your problems.

You walk to the wall of tears, preparing to attack them. It takes a lot more effort than you would like. Both you and Loop puff out a breath once they finally clear the path. You're glad you only have to do this one more time. The crest will be reserved for the correct spot, just in case. Besides, breaking the script was unthinkable. 

You zone out properly as you ignore all of the conversations happening in the room. The book that Young One leaves behind, the poem you don't think of… The book club you would never have the chance to join.

Once everyone is done, you lead them back to the main hall, making quick work of sadnesses that have reappeared. You aren't really good at the ‘letting others level up’ thing. Loop makes sure to comment on it louder than needed, but you don't stop. You can start to feel yourself grow impatient and anxious every time you see the lightless figure in the corner of your view.

You enter the poetry room and swipe the glob of clay, squishing it around in your hands while the others look around. Siffrin, like always, finds the gloves for Strong One easily. That will help for the final fight. Faithful One reads the book briefly at Loop’s suggestion.

You wordlessly wander into the northern room, preparing your craft. Loop joins and the two of you attack the tears. It takes longer this time than the last two, and you feel dizzy after. Glancing at Loop reveals that they must feel the same.

“Why do you two bother with the crests anyway?” Young One asks as you right yourself and start walking. 

“It's a waste of energy to break through the tears if there's a simple solution,” you say simply. 

“But I thought you were super strong now?” They ask innocently. 

“Stardust had such bad craft exhaustion that in the last loop- mmf!”

You jump to cover their mouth. They lick your hand. 

“Ewww!” You shake out your hand, feeling phantom moistness through your glove. 

Young One laughs along with Loop, and you can't be mad. You glance behind you and see concerned looks. You ignore them. 

Making it to the room, you spot a ghost in front of the glass. They hold their dagger in their hands and you pale with realization. Before the deed can be started, you place yourself in front of Young One and hug them tight, squishing their face into your cloak.

They protest and wiggle and you just close your eyes, breathing. Counting… Remembering. 

This was the first time. The first time you used the dagger on yourself. You remember bleeding out on the floor, watching the stars. The screams and cries of your family ring out in your mind, mirrored by the gasps of shock and sadness that you hear around you. 

You feel the pain, the feeling of blood clogging your throat. You were stupid, inexperienced and clumsy. You didn't know the right vein to hit, the right spot, the right angle. You feel the itch to grab your dagger, loop back and avoid this room. Not let them see what you did. Who you became. 

When the Siffrin in you died. 

You keep your eyes glued shut even as you hear the manic laughter from Loop beside you. You know what's coming, so you just keep hugging the now-trembling kid in your arms. For them? For yourself, maybe?

“Oh! That's rich!” They cackle. “Stardust! Stardust, look! You're missing the show!”

The commotion they are making causes you to finally open your eyes to glare in their direction. Your momentary sight of the others reveal that their horrified expressions are now pointed at Loop. You make sure that the ghost has disappeared before you let go of Bonnie to face the once-star. 

“What is wrong with you?” You ask for lack of a better question. 

“Wrong with me? Hah!” They burst out into more manic giggles. “Oh, Stardust, I wonder what the answer to that is. Oh! How about, you know, you forced me to tell you how to do that. Forced me to watch as you learned how to efficiently gut yourself like a fish! To save time !”

“It was fine,” you stress, not feeling like anyone would be on your side. “Wasn't much different than the other methods after the dreams turned sour .” 

“How, might I ask,” Smart One sounds furious. “Would this have even been a reasonable decision?” 

“Eclipse…” You don't look at Faithful One. “What would bring you to that point?” 

Strong One looks like they have a lot to say, but they focus on comforting Young One. You feel your hand reach for the shard of glass you'd swiped. Opting against it, you huff, grab the books and papers and then turn to leave. You decide that you don't want to be around anyone. 

“I’ll go grab something from the locked room,” you start, “then I'll grab the crest. I’ll meet you at the next row of tears.” 

Before anyone can say anything, you snap your fingers and rush out of the room. You have a hard time breathing as you make it to the next room, and a ghost or two disperse as you walk through them. Mal du Pays walks behind you, not leaving this time. You don't bother to shout at them. They don't listen, anyway. 

You grab the key quickly, leaving the rest of the room undisturbed for the others to go through. The book is next, and you make sure to grab the hat and place it on your head. Loop can keep yours, or you can swap again. You have a feeling that they're going to mess with your hat again, regardless.

You thank the stars as you hear the others making it into Faithful One’s room so that you can dash the other way. Practically running down the halls, you make it to the star sadness quickly. Taking the thing out is even quicker. 

You run back and remove the tears. You walk down the hall some, taking a seat outside the washrooms. You quickly make the secret hand sign and let Loop know you're sitting outside the washrooms. There have never been any sadnesses back here, but you don't trust it enough to pull out a book. Especially with Mal du Pays sitting across the room… staring at you. 

“So,” you start, hoping (foolishly) it'll actually respond this time. “There a reason as to why you're still here?”

Of course, they do not respond, so you decide to just talk. They say talking about your problems helps—or would this be talking to your problems? Not like they're going to do anything about it.

“If you're the embodiment of my homesickness, why are you still here?” You ask. “I mean, considering everything, I'm not even focused on that. The last loop, I was… especially bothered by everything. Am I still bothered by it? Or do sadnesses not work that way…? Possibly the sadness created doesn't go away like that…

“Hah! Talking about your problems to fix the sadness. What happens if you talk to your sadness? Another question, did my outfit reverse because of you? If so, that's a cruel joke, Universe.

“On that note, the outfit that they gave Polaris is interesting,” you don't know what you’re talking about anymore. “I guess after their last form, we’re lucky they got clothes at all.” 

You giggle a little at that and lean further against the wall. You can hear the others approaching. You don't make a move to get up. You can't. You’re so tired. So very tired of all of this. Loop walks ahead of the group and stops when they see Mal. The rest of the group does the same. 

Mal du Pays, like always, does not look away from you. Instead, they just tilt their head. The two of you stare at each other for a good while before they seem to get bored and vanish into thin air again.

“Stardust...?” Loop utters. “What was that?” 

“Mal?” You state simply. The tiredness has seeped into your voice. 

“And?” Loop looks concerned. That was weird, wasn’t it? 

“Not sure,” you shrug, “they followed me after I split up for some reason. Sat here and stared while I was waiting.” 

“Why are you so calm about this?” Loop walks up to you and kneels down. ”You were so panicked before.” 

“I don’t know, Loop,” you say genuinely. “They’ve been around since then. I'm just too tired to care. Not like I can actually do anything about it.” 

“Maybe leaving you alone was a bad idea.”

Is that guilt? Can't be guilt.

“Why do you care?” You say with a bit too much force, but you've already started… Might as well twist the knife. “You seemed so happy to see my ghost die, didn't think you cared about my well being. Not to mention how you react to my deaths during the loops. ‘Have you tried not dying, stardust~!’” 

They don't have a response, they just narrow their eyes at the impression. 

“I’m just saying,” you shrug, feigning nonchalance. “A little out of character. Off-script. Play’s not over yet, twinkle toes.”

Before either of you could launch into another argument, you are interrupted by Young One. They walk over holding out cookies, one in each hand. They didn't look scared by any means, but they looked a little wary and confused.

“You two crabbing idiots haven't eaten,” they pout. “People get angry when they're hungry. I can’t, as snack leader, watch others be hungry under my watch.” 

You can't help it. You don't know why, but you start laughing. It's a broken thing and it devolves into sobs as you take the cookie. The cookie tastes like ash in your mouth, but you smile regardless. 

“Thanks, Young One,” you smirk instead. “Sorry for crumbling.”

“I hate you!” They shout, and you giggle a little. “You won't get any half-baked jokes from me!” You call after them as they turn away. A collective groan leaves the group; that's the correct response from the party. Two sources of laughter this time.

Loop has sat themselves beside you to eat their own cookie, deep in thought. You don't bother them. You aren't looking for another argument yet. 

“There's a washroom here,” Faithful One comments, “mind if I take a moment to freshen up?” 

“I'd like to do the same thing,” Strong One says. 

“Alright, quick washroom break,” Smart One declares, and they all go to do their own thing. 

Siffrin stays behind. 

“Moonlight,” you pipe up. He jumps. “You have a question?” 

“I have several.” You try not to laugh at that. “You two are so different.” The comment stings. “So different from each other and from me. But at the same time, so similar. I'd like to ask what happened, but I know I won't get an answer.” 

“You're learning~” Loop clasps their hands in front of them. “One day, we might tell our story.” 

The last part is said slowly and sadly. 

“I told Stardust to talk about their feelings,” Loop continues. “Such a hypocrite.” 

“That was well established,” the comment earns you a smack, hat almost being taken again. 

“Anyway~~!” They chirp in a sing-song voice, “I think it's advice we should all follow… Since, thanks to someone , we all get to live after this.” 

“You don't seem happy about that,” Siffrin comments with a frown. 

“No,” they say slowly, “think about it, this is your world… your family.” 

The words make the other’s eyes widen, and you remember feeling the same. You know that they will be a family again. You are happy for them. A perfect ending. Too bad it couldn't have been yours.

“Can it not be yours too?”

The question is so innocent that you start laughing. Siffrin frowns and asks, “what? Is that so weird to ask?” 

“While I would love the fantasy,” you start, “I don’t think it's possible. We gave up our chance. Our families.” 

“Why do you say that?” Siffrin shouts. “You keep saying it like they aren’t the same people! Like you killed your family!” 

“I-”

“They don't remember the loops, right?”

Neither of you answer verbally as Siffrin cuts Loop off. You just shake your head.

“Then how are they any different? ‘Your’ family didn't remember anything from the loops regardless, so there's no difference.” 

You try to think of how they’re wrong, but you can't. Your perception of your family is all of the experiences you had with them in the loops. You don't even remember them before the loops. Maybe that's why both you and Loop feel this way. Something to unpack later, you guess. 

“I don't know, Moonlight.” Loop sounds impossibly sad. 

The idea that their ‘family’ never existed outside your loops and therefore your own mind almost hits worse. You sympathise with the sentiment. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Smart One exits the washroom, tailed by Faithful One. “But I agree with Siffrin here. None of us should be different to either of you. Anything that is didn't happen.” 

You've dug a deep enough hole. Might as well keep going. “You are.” 

“Enlighten me.” She seems genuinely curious despite the mask of indifference. 

“I…” you regret talking, but can’t back down now. “I don't really remember anything from before the loops… The only ‘you’ I remember is from them, and they don't exist.” 

“Oh…” Faithful One is the one to make a noise. 

Smart One’s eyes have widened at the comment. She is speechless. She has never been the one who was well equipped with dealing with things like this. 

“Is it the same for you, Loop?” Siffrin asks, but he knows the answer. 

“I’ve been here longer,” they say instead of answering. “Not sure how much of my loops I even properly remember.” 

“We can make new memories!” Young One shouts as they emerge with Strong One. “Then you can't forget them like a Frin! We can write them down! Keep them forever!” 

You don’t reply, you just smile. Loop, whose hand has found yours, squeezes it tighter. Your bones crack with the force, but you return the favour. This all feels like too much, all too good to be true. You can't believe any of this is possible. Yet you refuse to have hope. 

Not again. 

You get up off of the wall and turn to help Loop up, to which they take your hand with a smirk. You have just a second to prepare for their attempt to throw you into a wall. They have barely a moment to react as you pull them up aggressively with your own smirk. Sidestepping, they fly by you with a shout of surprise. You laugh a little at the glare sent your way. 

You lead the group again. One more boss, then the king. As you're thinking about it you curse under your breath. 

“Loop,” you start with a grin, “did you get the-” 

They have it out before you can ask them to hand you the part. you smirk and pocket the item. You struggle to find a good spot to put it, your books filling up all of your pockets. You had all of the cloak pockets filled with the lighter items. A harness system you've had for as long as you remember (not that that means anything) housed all of the heavy books. You'll have to leave them in the safe room before the last fight. 

You approach the change god statue and cringe as the Vaugardians start to pray. You just stare and cross your arms. 

“Change,” you say with a sigh. “Can we skip the fanfare? A gift for your least faithful?” 

Much to your surprise, it works, somewhat. You open your eyes in a large darkless space, and everyone else is with you this time. 

Hahah! Oooh were you looking for lil’ ol’ me?! ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

I cant wait to have you out of my house! ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Hi Miraaa~~~~ I love you! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Keep these three away from me for a while, I've had enough of Uni to last months!! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

Anyway, have the key!! Have funnn!!! ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

The world fades back as the white leaves your vision and you blink away spots. Sure enough, in Siffrin's hand is the keyknife. You shake your head a little as the image of the change god fuzzes. Something about mortals not being able to comprehend gods and all that. 

“Oh my change!” Faithful One yells, spooking several of you. “Oh! Did anyone else see that!?” 

“My memory is fuzzy,” Smart One replies first, “and I feel like that was something I wasn't supposed to see.”

“Probably not, no,” you comment idly, “last time I met them, it was with Faithful One, and she didn't remember after. I suspect that the exact words will leave our minds shortly.” 

“You’ve met them before!?” Strong One is the one to shout this time. 

“Once,” you shrug, “we don't get along. Cultural differences and all that.” 

“Might have something to do with the wishes,” Loop mutters, “considering they mentioned the Universe. They’re probably mad about us using wishes to lock Vaugarde in a state of stasis.” 

“That would make sense,” you mutter, huffing at the religious crisis said Vaugardians are having. Smart One wears a similar expression.

You sharpen the keyknife and walk up to unlock the door, waiting until the others have gathered themselves before opening it. The next boss won't be too difficult, but you still want them to be able to help. You slash the door open and walk in first, looking over the room quickly before stalking ahead. 

“Everyone ready?” You call behind you, dropping into a stance. 

Everyone responds with wordless stances of their own and the fight begins. You take a less active role in the fight where you can, focusing on keeping up the speed boost and removing the surrounding hands. Loop keeps up the bolstering craft and shields and the others are free to attack. 

Faithful One looks surprised as you and Young One handle the healing. The cheeky grin you give her when she is too late to heal is worth it. The boss is taken out quickly and without much fanfare. The group celebrates the victory as normal. 

They all walk to the next safe room excitedly, but you're stuck in place. You can't move, but none of them notice, and none of them look. The constant crying in the distance turns to laughing as you look down. There's a pile of tears at your feet. Where did those even come from? 

You look back up and see the team looking back with horror. You feel a hand on your shoulder, and based on its freezing cold touch, you know who it is. This is a battle you have to finish on your own, it would seem. 

“Sorry, I guess you'll have to do the king fight on your own,” you smile as you feel the curse creep up your legs. “Loop!” You shout, pulling out the bomb parts, “send that Universe damned stain my regards.” 

You throw the parts and sigh as you feel the cold take over your body fully. You don't remember what any of them might have said to you. That's okay, you'll ask when you get out. 

If you get out.  

You turn around in the now familiar void and make eye contact with your little friend. 

“Don't become a sadness,” you mutter out loud, “easy as that.” 

You aren't confident in your success. 

Chapter Text

You watch as Stardust gently closes their eye. A smile is forever cemented onto their face as the curse takes over. You don't know how to feel, looking at them. You don't even know much about this ‘Mal du Pays’. They never had a chance to mention them, and you had a feeling they never would have. 

“Loop?” The Kid tugs on your skirt, and it’s only then that you break eye contact. “Are they going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” You say. “Let's kill this false monarch so we can free them.” 

“Agreed.” The Defender looks determined, and everyone else shares the sentiment. 

You lead the group towards the safe room. Everyone rested before the last fight, so none of them took up the offer to wait. You remember the look that Stardust had while staring at that sadness. It was scary; the emptiness was worse than you've seen in a while. You almost, almost , feel bad for harassing them about the ghost in the Observatory. 

You sigh and do a final checkover of your equipment, remembering the bomb last minute. You take the parts you got from Stardust and the one you just picked up from the frozen roommate. You hand them over to The Defender and they look puzzled for only a moment. 

“These…” he sports a surprised look,. “These are the parts to make a bomb… have you been blowing up the king this whole time?”

You don't respond with anything other than a mischievous smirk. He doesn't say more while he gets to work putting the thing together.  Once he's done, you hand the bomb over to Moonlight. 

“I get to throw this at the king?” He asks with stars in his eyes. 

“We got the opportunity to,” you start, “your turn.” 

“I’ll make sure not to blow this opportunity,” they stage a bow. 

“Have to give an explosive ending to his play.”

The others are completely done with you two already. The Defender is roaring with laughter. 

You turn to finally walk through the door, walking into the room before stopping short. The cold of the floor has always been annoying, but the sheer frigidity of this room was on its own level. You don't have your cloak anymore to help with it. Clenching your fists at your side, you look across the room and spot the king. 

You look at the hair that sprawls over the room and remember the uncountable failed attempts. The sheer helplessness to do anything against him sits in your heart, still. You take a step and feel the shake that has started in your body. Your breath is short and shallow. Why is it hard to breathe? 

You feel… What are you feeling? 

“Loop?” The Housemaiden calls out, and you look over at her. “Are you okay?” 

Not the time. Now is not the time to try and figure this out. You are going to ruin the morale, and they all need to be focused. Ruining the fight is something you've done a handful of times. You're better than this! Better than all of this!

“Perfectly fine, Housemaiden.” You try to smile but you know it falls just about as flat as your voice. 

“You're scared…” Moonlight points out.

Huh. That's what that is.

“Ugh!” You shout, steeling yourself. “I don't have time for this. Stardust can't stay with that thing for too long.” 

You take one last steadying breath and walk forward. The curtains have yet to close, you are still on stage. Act like it. 

“King!” You wave your hand in greeting. “Long time no see!” 

The others make confused noises but leave you to do your thing. 

“What.. Are you? Celestial One…” The king asks, looking right at you. “Tell me, were you blessed by The Universe?” 

“Cursed, more like,” you look at your nails absently (no one comments on the fact that you have gloves on). “Two sides of the same coin, as they say.” 

“Blessed One,” he starts again, sounding infuriatingly hopeful, “what do you remember?” 

“Hmmm…” you pretend to think, then drawl out, “ I remember that you’re a waste of blinding breath. That the earth you tread upon should be cleansed. The castle you've corrupted might need to be demolished to remove any trace of you.” 

The language has the desired effect as the king crumples in pain. His hands move from covering his eyes to clutching his head. 

“ Oh, what's wrong?” You taunt. “ I thought The Universe favoured you. Could it be that I was wrong? Can't even remember your own blinding language? Stars, you're pathetic.” 

“Oooooohhhh,” the king cries out, “Blessed One! Cursed One! Celestial One! Our language! Our beautiful language!” 

The king is in hysterics, so you take the distraction to motion to Moonlight. You smile as, in the king’s distraction, he doesn't even notice the bomb in time to block it. It's a resounding success in the damage department. Everyone jumps into action right after you, taking advantage of the significant stagger that you caused. 

You handle the support craft from the back, trying to keep as much energy as you can. You don't have Stardust here to cast the time craft. You hate that you have to do this without Stardust, since he’s stronger than you. You have to make do. 

You don't listen or say anything when the king tries to monologue. You take the opportunity to interrupt him with a particularly vicious attack. It may have been a long time since you did this fight, but you can still remember his lines word for word.

It makes you sick.

You make weak paper attacks when you can. The double-jackpot makes everything well-planned. The jackpot is filled a second time with paper attacks. The team is weary as they all attack in unison. The coordination finally brings the king to his knees. 

You stand in the middle of the hall, hands in the special sign and focus entirely on the feeling. You may not be as good at controlling the looping as your Stardust was, but you remember it. The fight the two of you had at the end there was a good refresher. The feeling of your very being stopping, rewinding… a tug-

On

Your 

Stomach. 

You take that feeling, focus on it. You're not really sure how it works or how to do it, so you rely on instinct. Feeling your skirt and scarf start to billow below you. You feel all of the craft you possess brought forward. 

The king, now a regular size, looks at you. Properly looks at you. Fear and apprehension meets determination and rage. You make your request to the craft, your mental wish.

Hand sign as the ritual, hatred as the intent and freezing him as your wish. You breathe out and release the craft, letting it wrap around the king. A lightless sheen crawls up his slumped form, and much like watching your Stardust freeze in the other room, you watch as the king's mind brings him dreams. 

“Cursed One,” the king whispers, “Blessed One, thank you.” 

He reaches towards the stars with his hands, reaching as if he could grab one. His tears return anew, this time accompanied by a smile. His expression betrays what he can see as the eternal dream takes over. He finally got what he wanted, what he truly wanted when he asked for power. 

“ Rest well. May The Universe welcome you with open arms,” you whisper in your native tongue. “ Foolish One, Mournful One, Lonely One.” 

You feel like that was accurate. You don't have a single reference on what would be appropriate to say. What would be right, in your own culture, to do for someone like this.

“Did…” The Housemaiden whispers, “Did we do it…?”

“We did,” you breathe out.

The second time. This is only the second time you have managed to do this. Stardust has managed it over a dozen times and you have only done it two times. It really proves how superior he is to you. You zone out of the celebrations around you and turn around. 

You wait for Stardust to walk through the doors with a joke and a wave. To reassure everyone that they were fine, to lie about it. Wait to be able to make fun of him for not noticing the new tears before they got him. You wait.

You wait.

He hasn't showed up yet. 

You break past the dizziness of craft exhaustion and snap your fingers to dash. You feel bad for attacking Stardust in the state that they were in before. You’re getting the karma for it now.

There are shouts of concern behind you as you move. You feel your heart sink in your chest before you even get through the safe room. Bursting through the door, you stop in your tracks. 

There he stands with empty eyes, battered, beaten and bruised from a fight. He is half bent over with exhaustion, panting heavily with his dagger out. He looks like he's been fighting for a long time… Has it been that long?

Across from him is the culprit for his state, Mal du Pays. They look a little smaller than before, but feel so much more powerful. Something happened while you were fighting the king. Something bad . 

You go to shout out to your Stardust, but before you can do anything, Mal moves . You blink and they’ve tackled them, sitting up to straddle and attack. Your feverish mind stalls as you watch the two of them struggle with matching daggers, locked in a standstill, both attacking and defending at the same time. 

“Siffrin! Just accept it!” Mal shouts in the voices of your once family. “They’re dead! You killed them! You murdered them all in cold blood!” 

Mal du Pays opens its mouth and reveals too-sharp teeth forming an eerie grin as they taunt. You stare at the creature as they echo out the words in a cacophony of voices. You start to shake as you hear the words, the ones that affect you the same. Apply to you the same. 

“You let me die!” The Kid’s voice. “I HATE YOU FRIN! You're creepy and weird! You should have died for me! I wish you had just died! Then maybe you wouldn't have been so stupid to let me die. Wouldn't be so selfish to stay around and show off your ugly scar.”

The two struggle still. Stardust is holding his own in the push. Face focused, determined to not lose. 

“Oh, Siffrin.” It’s The Researcher’s voice, this time. “You pathetic thing. You forget your home, your true family and have the guts to try and make another. Why would we trust someone who has forgotten? Not when you’re so forgettable yourself. You’re simply not worth the effort.”

The words make him falter, and you watch as his eyes widen a little. Mal du Pays pushes the blade closer to their face. You try to start moving to attack, but the craft exhaustion has made it impossible to think properly.

The Defener’s voice booms, “disgusting, disgusting, disgusting! Just looking at you makes my skin crawl! This whole time I tried to tell you just how happy I was to be done with this! Be free to leave, then I don't have to look at you ever again. I can’t wait to forget you!” 

The words hit the two of you, hard. You drop to your knees, forced to listen to this all the same. Not hearing the shouts from the hall approaching. 

“How could you!?” The Housemaiden’s voice is shrill as it tears through the cacophony of voices. “This is a house of CHANGE! How could you trick us, saying you're here to help us with the king! We never should have trusted you! You have locked this palace in a stasis stronger than even the king! YOU DISGUST ME!” 

The last words are enough for Mal to get the upper hand. They finally manage to shove his dagger to the side and sink theirs into his shoulder. You watch as Stardust doesn't even react to the pain, letting the hand with a dagger fall at their side, barely even gripping it. 

“Oh, Stardust~~!” You feel one of your eyes twitch at the sound of your own voice. “Oh, you stupid, selfish fool! This is hilarious, you thought you would have anything in this world. HAHAHA! Pathetic, you can’t even remember the ‘family’ you hold so dear. You don't deserve them! YOU SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!” 

You watch as they lean down and whisper more, and this time, you can't hear it. You don't want to hear it. You can't close your eyes or cover your ears to block it out. 

You blink as you hear the others finally make it to the room to look upon the scene. They get into attack stances, all making sounds of concern and fear. Before any of them can do anything, Stardust finally moves. 

They lift a hand, covered in their own blood, to caress the cheek of Mal du Pays.

“You’re right,” they mutter, voice strained. “I should disappear. The world would be better if I died.” 

The sounds of protest from the team are silenced as he continues. 

“But what good would that do?” He asks. “You are the embodiment of homesickness, are you not, Mal du Pays? You are upset that we can never go home, huh? Me dying won't solve your sadness, won’t allow you to rest, will it? So why?” 

Mal has leaned up slightly, taken aback by the words. They falter, both in action and form. They seem to almost glitch a little, their form distorting and shattering ever so slightly.

Stardust takes their moment of pause to attack, then drives their dagger right into their chest, hefting the two of them to opposite positions. He straddles the sadness, firmly holding the knife. 

“Oh.” They sound surprised as they oggle the way their blade sinks into the sadness’ flesh, “I can attack you now?” 

They don't give anyone a moment to think as they remove the dagger. They fuel their attack with craft and then quickly replace it in a different spot. The sadness screams. They stab and stab and stab and stab it a few more times. Its form shattering more and more with each jab. The floor and their cloak are splattered with sadness goop by the time the thing stops struggling.

Stardust finally gets off of the sadness, one hand on the wound on his shoulder. It's now gushing with the dagger having disappeared. He stands for all of two seconds before he collapses back onto the ground. The fall spurs everyone into action again. 

The Researcher goes to check that the sadness is actually dying. The Kid and Moonlight come to your side to ask if you’re okay. The Defender and The Housemaiden rush to Stardust’s side. 

They heal his wounds and make sure he’s physically fine. Moonlight helps you up and supports you a little, carrying you over to Stardust. You finally get to see his face as you hobble over, and it's empty. They're completely gone, in another world, zoned out.

The others are trying to get his attention, but it's not working. Everyone's attention is on them. You decide to give it a go. 

“Stardust?” You croak, and they don't respond, so you switch languages. “ Eclipse.” 

He looks up at you and you smile. “ Hey, you're okay. It's gone now. You killed it.” 

“It’s over?” They whisper out, finally. 

“Yeah.” You switch back to Vaugardian to let the others into the conversation. “It's all over, we made it out. Last step is to talk to the head housemaiden, then we can leave.”

They don't respond, they just open their arms and give a tiny whimper. You know what they want. You want it just as much. There is no reason for you not to comply. You drop down with them and pull them into a hug. 

That's all that was needed. After all of that, that's all it took. They start crying, sobbing and almost screaming. There's so much pain and sadness in their cries. Your own quieter sobs mix with their own, but none of the team comments on it. 

The Kid is the first to move. They come to your side and give a little side hug before the two of you pull them into a hug. You both stop crying long enough to ruffle their hair a little, messing up their hat. Moonlight is next; Stardust had reached over to drag them down. Next thing you know, you're in a hug with everyone. Everyone you love, they're all right here. 

The family isn’t yours. Not now, and maybe not ever, but they're here. They're so close to the one you love that you can almost see them with you. You can almost believe that you reached the end, that after you finally succeeded with the king you got freedom. 

You hear a sniffling from somewhere in the hall. Yours, Stardust and Moonlight’s heads snap over to the source. 

“Oops, sorry,” you make eye contact with the Head housemaiden. Claude is standing beside her. “I didn't want to ruin the moment.” 

Stardust grows stiff but says nothing. Everyone dislodges themselves from the hug. You stay for a moment to let the two of you regain some composure. The housemaiden launches over to greet the two. 

You don't listen to the conversation, instead focusing on Stardust. They look a little hollow still, beyond tired and smeared with blood and dirt. 

“ Stars,” you huff , “this was supposed to be easy. Can we stop with the secret ‘boss’ fights after the king?” 

They giggle a little at that. Success!

“ Think you can stand?” You ask after a moment. Everyone is focused on explaining the situation. 

“ No…” You can tell that Stardust definitely thought of lying. 

“ Good, because I can’t either.” They look concerned, at which you scoff. “ Don't look at me like that. Someone left me to freeze the king alone.”

“You used time craft to that extent and you're still standing?” He asks, baffled. 

“ Not for long,” you smile a little, then look over to the others. “Hate to be the one to ask, but can we get a hand?” 

They look worried at first, before Stardust starts to explain for you. 

“Neither of us can stand,” he shrugs. 

“Are you okay!?” The Housemaiden shouts, fretting. 

“Completely fine, Housemaiden,” you respond, before receiving a glare from a few people. “Craft exhaustion.” 

The amended explanation makes a few faces relieved but a few others more concerned. The Researcher walks over and places a hand on either of your foreheads. Cold… Nice. 

“Both of you are running a fever,” she notes. “For you, Loop, it makes sense. For you, Eclipse, it doesn't.” 

She looks over to Stardust. They hide under their hat before you snatch it. 

“I may or may not have been fighting that thing the entire time,” they explain sheepishly. “I also had severe craft exhaustion at the end of the last loop. The effects have traversed loops a little.” 

“What am I going to do with you?” She sighs, and it's… fond? But that can't be right, neither of you are Siffrin. You're strangers. 

“And you, don't give me that look.” You flinch. It’s your turn to get scolded. Uh oh. “We can talk about this later, but I'll say this now. You are not strangers to us. You may have changed, but you are both still Siffrin.” 

“I want to keep you two around,” Moonlight comments, “apparently I owe you not only my life but also my freedom.” 

“You owe us nothing,” Stardust beats you to it. “We caused this problem. We were just fixing it.” 

“Let's get you to a bench, yeah?” The Defender interrupts. “I feel bad looking at the two of you on the ground.” 

“That would be appreciated,” You sigh, replacing the hat on your head with Stardust’s and returning the one he started with. 

“I’ll help Loop,” Moonlight moves to help you up easily. 

“I’ve got Eclipse,” The Defender helps them up, needing to support them much more. 

“Someone help Smart One,” Stardust smirks, “we’ve reached new heights in our adventure. We've come so far that her old bones must be so tired.” 

“Was that a pun?” She goes in response. “Are you making fun of a phobia?” 

“Wowww, Stardust,” you return the smirk, “that's pretty low of you. Oh, how the mighty have fallen .” 

“I think I’ve changed my mind on these two,” The Researcher sighs as The Defender roars with laughter along with Moonlight. 

You snicker a little as the group moves through the halls, all the way to a spot you’ve only been to once in your life. They take you two up the stairs and towards a set of benches. The two of you immediately spin around so that you can watch the view. You let Moonlight do his thing. This is his ending after all. 

Everyone settles in their own spots to take a break. 

“ Hey, Polaris?” The nickname gets your attention. “ Do you see it?” 

You look ahead and try to figure out what they're talking about. “ Please be a little more specific, I’ve only been here once before.” 

“ Over there, ” they point into the distance, “ that's our country.”

Now that you're looking for it, you realize that it's right there. The whole thing is there. It hurts to look at, but it's there. You can't remember anything about it, not the shape or even the shades, but you see it. That's enough for you. 

“ I saw it last time I was here,” Stardust says idly. “ I think that the king chose this house because of the view. He couldn't forget it if he could just look at it. How well did that work out, huh?”

You laugh a little at the comment. The king and everyone else forgot about that island despite being able to see it. Why can the two of you remember it now? 

“ Actually, I wanted to ask,” you begin, “ why can we see and remember some of the island, anyway?”

“ No idea… Stars,” the swear catches you off guard, “ I can't believe this.”

You agree with the sentiment. You don't answer verbally. You don't need to. You lean over and let your head rest on Stardust’s shoulder. They do the same, resting their head on yours. 

Neither of you startle when the third comes to join you on the bench. No one says anything for a moment, just relaxing. It's nice to feel the breeze and the sun. you missed it during your loops, being trapped on the third floor. When you were a star, you never got to really feel it. 

“Is this real?” Moonlight asks, barely a whisper. 

“Is what real?” The two of you ask in unison. Both of you know what they're asking. 

“I get to keep traveling with everyone…” he states. “I don't have to be alone again.” 

The two of you burst into self-deprecating laughs, startling Moonlight. They give a little surprised giggle, looking thoroughly confused. They sat next to Stardust, so he has the chance to drag them into an arm lock. 

“Hey, Loop,” they call, as they knock off the others' hat to noogie them. “Is this what you felt like?”

“Oh no!” You laugh and contribute to messing up Moonlight’s hair. “This one is far better than you were!” 

Suddenly, Stardust lets them go and they both turn to you. Moonlight hops off the bench and runs around to your other side. He grabbed his hat on the way. Before you can defend yourself, you're getting the same hair treatment. 

The three of you burst out into giggles as you all look at the view. 

“ Stars ,” Eclipse mutters, “I can't wait to get out of this blinding town.” 

“Agreed,” you sigh. “No offence, Housemaiden.” 

You hear a small ‘none taken’ as you watch Moonlight walk off. You don't turn around to watch them talk to the head housemaiden. You feel Stardust stiffen at her voice as they lean against you. You squeeze their hand and make your breathing purposeful. The two of you wait with baited breath for the conversation to end. 

Wait for that tell tale tug on your stomach. 

The smell of burning sugar…

And none of it comes.

You are free.

Chapter Text

You feel the world around you start to become real slowly, as if your mind is stuck in mud that refuses to let you go. This slow awakening is expedited when you notice your surroundings. You're in the clocktower. The clocktower… no. No no no!

You push yourself up abruptly and look around, your heart rate picking up and your breath stuttering. 

You can't be back, you can't. You made it out… twice, even!

You look around frantically to try and find something different. Eyes catching a pure lightless hat, your breath leaves you in a sigh. It's the hat that The Universe gave you. The one you got when you went from the star of the show to an extra.

You shuffle out of bed and walk up to your gear, heavily leaning on the furniture. You look at your assigned cape and hat that are now the opposite patterns. The clothes you wear are your proper underclothes; you always wear them to sleep, never having any need for anything else. The idea of having sleep clothes is foreign to you. When you were a traveler, you only had the clothes on your back. 

Thankfully, someone has taken the care to wash them for you. You grab all of your gear and throw it on quickly. No one is around, and you don't hear anyone in the tower at the moment. You feel anxious as your mind starts coming up with a plan. 

It takes you a few more moments in your practiced motions to get everything on. You think that you slept longer than you needed to to get rid of the craft exhaustion, since you only feel a little shaky. Mira would kill you if she saw this…

Mira is gone. 

You need to remember that. They're gone. They aren’t your family anymore. 

You walk over to the window and check the lock. Unlocked. Nice.

With one last glance around the room, you place a hand on the window sill and hop out. There's a small ledge you can stand on right outside. With a little careful shuffling and almost falling to your death, you make it to the ground and start walking. 

You don't know why you're walking - your mind hasn't quite caught up to your body. You don't know where you're going, but you know you need to. You need to be far away from the mistakes you made, far from the copies of your family. The reminders of your failures, of the monster you became. 

You stumble a little as you make it to the nearby forest. Your legs shake under you as you pick up the pace. It’s a stumbling jog that looks concerning. Good thing you're alone in the forest. 

You have to make progress before they notice you're gone.

Why?

Why do you have to go fast? It's not like they'll come for you. They saw what you did and they know who you are. They have their own Siffrin, one who's not broken and disgusting. 

They have the perfect ending with the perfect family. They have everything you ever wanted. Everything you have up in a stupid play to give that to Loop as well. Stars, you're so utterly blinded .

You slow your movement to a proper stumble as you find a small clearing in the trees. It’s not yet mid day; the sun is shining and there’s clouds in the sky. You collapse to your knees in the space and attempt to breathe. 

Your head feels like mush and your limbs feel like they're full of lead. There's a few things that hit you all at once. Your body shakes as your brain processes. All too fast, but so painfully slow.

You're out. You're finally free of the loops. You made it out but failed at the same time. Hearing Loop’s story, you decided stupidly to try and be the hero. To help everyone else, to give them the perfect ending. 

You killed your family, the only thing you have- had in this world. They're all gone. You can start back at square one again, you can become a wanderer again. Never traveler. Travels have a start and end. You won't ever get that. 

You feel the shaking get worse as you get lost in your own head. Your face is wet and your vision is blurry. You feel your body curl forward, forehead pushed into the ground. Both hands are placed on your chest under your cloak. 

Your breath isn't coming into your lungs. The world blurs further as you desperately clutch at your shirt. You want to cry for help, scream for someone who you don't deserve. Grasp onto anything that gets near and never let go.

You deserve none of that. You took Loop’s place, their family. You killed your own family and Siffrin has no room for another, let alone two more. 

In a last ditch effort of panic, you reach into one of your pockets and grab on to a familiar object. Sweaty palms find an equally smooth and sharp object, blessedly cold in your hands. Your clumsy attempt to reach the shard of glass caused you to nick yourself. 

The pain from the cut caused you to gasp. 

You get one breath in your lungs, and no more than one. You remember a little habit you had in the loops and pull the glass out. Placing one point against your arm, you feel it pierce, and draw in another gasp. 

You sit, forehead still pressed into the cool ground. Your hat hides you from the world around you. Make a star. Gasp. Hold and breathe out. 

You're pathetic. You think about what you look like right now; stabbing yourself to do something as simple as breathing. For someone as powerful as you, you really are a waste of the breath you breathe. Maybe that's why it was so hard. The Universe was telling you that you weren't worth it. 

Maybe it made a mistake. Maybe you weren't supposed to be here and it wanted to fix that. You certainly agreed with the sentiment. You accidentally press the glass into your arm too hard and gasp in a larger breath. 

Your lungs spasm and instead of breathing out a stuttering sigh, it is forced. You belatedly notice the guttural scream that rips from your lungs. You notice it and don't stop it. The birds leave the nearby trees due to the noise. 

The forest goes quiet. 

You breathe in, this time without the need to stab yourself. Your lungs hurt. Everything hurts. But you can breathe a little, so you hold onto that. You think about the scream you let out, how the sound seems to echo. You wonder if anyone would be able to hear that. 

If a tree falls in a forest with no one around to hear, did it even make a sound?

You think about lifting your head instead of staying slumped over, but can't find the energy. You instead flop over and feel the grass tickling your blind side. Your hat still covers your view of above you, but you can see the forest ahead of you. 

You don't think of anything as you hear the birds return. There's this odd ringing sound that's started in your head. It must be the crushing headache that's taken over behind your eye. You feel both of your arms go properly limp beside you. The piece of glass catches your eye as it glitters in the sunlight. 

You turn it around a little to watch the dance of light and glittering blood. Glittering blood? That's new, you think. Must be some sort of side effect of being an extra in this play. A play that's now over. 

You have no purpose here. 

You sigh and let your body settle into the ground. Maybe nature can reclame you. You can be useful to something then. The dirt can swallow you whole and the animals can feast on your bones. The breeze can reclaim your hat and take it back to the island. 

You hear a crashing sound, but can't find it in you to move. There's noises outside the grove of the forest, but you can't decipher it. Something presses into your shoulder, but it goes unnoticed by your sluggish brain. Something is moving you, but you can't find it in you to protest. 

The world around you moves as you do. Blinking a few times, you try and get a hold of what's going on. There's a bright light against your blind side. There's… arms? There's arms around you, cradling you to their chest. The person holding you shouts a few times, making you flinch. 

They go from shouting something to talking softly. The vibrations of their words rumble in your chest. You don't look up. You don't really look anywhere. You let your head settle properly on their chest and just sigh. 

“-dust?” There's a voice above you. “Hey, are you with me yet?” 

You just hum, not expecting your voice to work. 

“Okay,” they say. They sound a little shaken for some reason. “Okay, let's get you back to Dormont.” 

The name makes you panic. You don't want to go back. You start to shake. You don't want to be there anymore. You must have made it obvious, since Loop starts talking again. Their voice is uncharacteristically soft for some unknown reason.

“Breathe, Stardust.” It's a simple command. “Follow me. In...” 

Loop exaggerates their breathing; it's easy to notice with your ear against their chest. You try to follow along. It's not easy, and you think back to the piece of glass… The one you don't have any more. You can't tell how you feel about losing it. Did Loop see it? Did they see the stars? Do you want them to…?

“Eclipse! Loop!” There's shouts from ahead. Faithful One rushes over. “Oh, thank Change, you found them.” 

“Yeah, they were far out,” Loop mutters, “not sure how they got that far considering the state I found them in.” 

“Let’s get them back to the clocktower.” Faithful One leads Loop forward. Loop shakes you a little, dispelling your spiraling mind at the thought of the clocktower. You just sigh again and look nowhere. 

“Don't you fall asleep on me,” Loop scolds, “We have some talking to do.” 

“I won't,” you mutter, and the both of you cringe at how it sounds. 

You feel like you haven't drank water in days . As you think about the state of your body, you feel your stomach grumble. Loop chuckles at your expense, continuing the walk back to the clocktower without a comment to the fact that they are carrying you. 

At some point they started to hum something random. The humming started to form into something vaguely familiar. It was quiet and barely recognisable, but it was there. You looked to Loop’s face to see the recognition there too. You don't think about it. You don't talk about it. Hopefully, you both can keep this. It won't be taken away like everything else.

The small group gets back to the clocktower to see Smart One and Strong One. They were both standing at the door, looking around. They stopped as soon as they spotted you. Strong One ran over immediately. 

“Eclipse!” They both approach with surprising speed. “Are you okay? Where did you go? Why-?” 

“Slow down, Isabeau,” Smart One scolds, “let's get inside first. I’m sure Loop doesn't want to be carrying them any more.” 

“Oh,” Smart One looks sheepish. “I can carry them if they're too heavy.” 

“No need~~!” You feel Loop’s grip on you tighten. “They're practically light as a feather.” 

“Sure thing, then,” he responds, turning around quickly. 

The group makes their way into the tower. Moonlight and Young One are both in the kitchen making food. You can't tell what it is, but you know that you're hungry, so you don't complain. Loop sets you down on a couch and sits beside you. 

Before you can even process what they're doing, Loop is reaching for your arms. They take both arms, quickly and confidently pushing up the sleeves. They discreetly cover them and look you in the eye. There are so many things going through their head right now. All of their emotions are free for you to read like a book. 

“Housemaiden,” they grit out, “could you come over here quick?” 

Their smile is sharp and practiced, the same smile you are used to using yourself. You shrink into your cape and hat as she makes her way over. 

“Yes, Loop?” There's a smile in her voice. “Is everything alright?” 

“Of course.” There is a strain in their voice, an attempt to keep it discreet. “Can you assist with this?” 

They push back your sleeves again so that the stars are visible to the world. You hear her gasp and know that it's over. The others are going to get curious after that. You aren't going to be able to hide this. They're going to look at you. They're going to see you.

“Eclipse,” she says gently, no disgust or judgement. “Can I hold your hands?” 

You lift your head enough for your hat to show the room around you again. Faithful One sits on her knees in front of you patiently. Smart One writes notes down from the little arm chair she has claimed. Strong One looks at you with a knowing and sad expression. You can see a pinched expression on Siffrin’s face whilst he’s distracting Young One.

You don't say anything as you slowly present your arms to Faithful One. She takes them gently and begins using her healing craft. Once she's done, she takes a wet handkerchief that Strong One grabbed and starts to wash off the blood. No one speaks as she works, and you don't dare break the tension. They must think you're a monster. 

“Hey, Kid!” Loop shouts when Faithful One finally finishes and lets you cover your arms. “How's lunch coming, master cooker?”

“OH, YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE ASKED!” They shout as they walk into the living room, their energy putting a smile on your face. “While the town is a little short on lots of ingredients, considering they used most of it in the celebration earlier, I have managed to get just enough to make us some sandwiches! Many different flavours, so it's not the same! Then we can take them on the road!” 

“Well done, Bonnie,” Faithful One praises. 

“Good thinking, Bonbon,” Strong One joins in. “Snacking on the go is always the best!” 

“I agree with Isabeau,” Smart One continues, “having snacks for the road will be good.” 

You look back and forth as they talk. You're confused. You look over to Loop for answers and they lean forward. 

“ I told them that we needed to get on the road as soon as you were up,” they start to explain quietly. “ It does neither of us any good to stay in this town. Even if we take longer on account of you recovering, it will be better to heal out there.”

‘Considering the stunt you just pulled ’ goes unsaid. You understand it. You understand why they would be mad. Why did you leave? You aren't sure you really remember much of that… Hah, You? Forgetting something? Typical.  

In the time that you were lost in your own thoughts, they had brought out the sandwiches. Everyone settles somewhere in the little living space. Siffrin joins the two of you on the couch and the others take the floor. 

Everyone starts talking about everything and nothing. Young One had been making friends with the local kids while you slept. There was an entire celebration you missed, thankfully. You remember the time you decided to drink with Loop. The three of you sit and listen to the conversation with content. Siffrin stuffs his face, Loop eats at a good pace, and you… You have taken one bite.

The slow progress you have made has not gone unnoticed by Young One. They look over at you expectantly every once in a while. You take the hint and try to eat more, drinking lots of water. 

Nothing is wrong with the food, and that's the most frustrating part. A long time ago in the loops, food stopped tasting like anything other than ash. You think it started to happen when that rotten apple dream became common. Ever since the effect of that wore off, you didn't really eat anything. 

“Eclipse?” STARS! Young One looks so sad, what have you done!? 

“Yes, Young One?” They cringe at the name. 

“Why do you call me that?” They ask instead of the question they want to ask. “The stupid king made nicknames like that too. ‘Ce-lel-stial’ One, Cursed One and Blessed One. They called Loop all of those dumb names.” 

“Celestial,” you correct without thinking. “I think it's a cultural thing, the nicknames I mean.” 

“Cultural thing,” Smart One mutters, writing in that blinding book again. “How come you do that and Loop doesn't.” 

“I do,” Loop shrugs, “I just have different nicknames for you.” 

“Why don't you use their names?” Siffrin asks this time, but they know the answer. They are you; they can figure it out. 

“It’s rude to steal what’s not yours, Moonlight!” You boop their nose with your tongue out. “Anyway, everyone is talking about snacks on the go.” 

Loop already explained it to you, but you want to change the subject. You stuff another bite of sandwich in your mouth to let the others start talking about their plans. Turns out they got a merchant to take them to the next town over. They would have a carriage to hitch a ride in so everyone could recover on the road. You know it was for you and Loop, but you don’t comment. 

You make it through a whole quarter of a sandwich and decide to give up on eating. Loop managed a whole one and Siffrin is still going. You smile at him as he stuffs his face. 

Is it conceited to think they're adorable? There's another emotion mixed in with your smile you think. It falls as you register the sadness that has settled down in your chest, looking at the unbroken, less monstrous version of yourself. There is jealousy, there is contemptment, and there is just sadness. 

You look over. Loop has the same face. 

The others start to get up and finish off the packing. You want to get up and help. There isn't a job for you, not one for you or Loop. They don't need you. They have been working as a team together perfectly before this… Right? You don't even remember where past-you would have fit in. 

“ Can we talk about earlier today?” Loop asks quietly. 

“ Is this optional?” The laugh you get tells you it is not. “ I don't know what you’re looking for, I don't have the answers myself.” 

“ Let's start with the blood on your arms,” they sigh. “ What was that from?” 

“ A shard of glass,” you state. 

“ Do you still have it?” 

“ No.”

“... What made you leave?” They ask the loaded question. They should have the answer themselves. 

“ I felt like they would be better off without me,” the honest answer comes out too easily. 

“ So you would leave me?” The question makes you pause, the anger even more surprising. “ You put me here, left me with a family that isn't mine anymore. You'd just leave me behind after that?”

“ NO!” You immediately feel bad for shouting, lowering your voice once again. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to. I’m sorry. S-sorry.” 

You think about the guilt that haunted your mind all throughout the last trek through the house; filled with the guilt of your failure. You had the opportunity to make the wish correctly, you could have been smart and restored everything. You could have fixed it, you could have made it so that there was only one Siffrin. The original. 

You feel a hand in yours and you look up. 

“ Don't do it again.” They don't sound mad. They sound… scared. 

“ I won't.” You can’t promise, not when you don’t know if you can keep it. 

“Good enough.” Switching languages, Loop stands. “Let's not get left behind, no matter how much we want them to.” 

You smile a little at the idea that you both feel the same. You know that you're both different in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons. The predictability of each other can make talking easier. Loop won't open up about everything and neither will you. The fact that they just know can be enough, most times. They were all that you had for so long. Every single loop that you just sat at the tree, let the world around you pass. Every time that you would just sit there and wait for a restart. When you just needed a break, and they never judged. 

You follow behind Loop as they walk through the town. It was an unpracticed path that made it all the easier. You resist the urge to go through the motions as you walk by familiar people and buildings. You decide to zone out instead, sliding your hand into Loop’s to let them lead. You're so incredibly selfish, so stupid, so useless.

You got them here, you stole their ending, pulled them into your mess. You should be the strong one, you should be the one to offer comfort. You need to get yourself together. Deal with the consequences of your actions. 

By the time you make it to the little carriage, you feel significantly berated. You don't feel any more confident or ready to do things, so it's all a waste. You just follow after Loop as they tell you where to sit. You pull out a book and start reading. Everything is loaded and ready to go already. 

The rest of the team sit in various places in the carriage. Siffrin has established his blood circle to start carving. Loop shamelessly leans on you as you hold your book. You aren't reading it yet, just looking at the characters. The words of an islander, written in Vaugardian. You hold the book of the Lonely One, the one who made a copy of themselves. You look over at Loop and huff at the irony. 

The wagon starts to move with a shout from the merchant and you're off on your new adventure. You don't know what to make of this. You think that feeling will stay for a while. It may never go away. You are in a world that hasn't the room for you, after all.

You properly focus on reading the book. Loop has decided to take a nap. They lay their head on your lap and lie on their side. You rest your book on their head, their hat abandoned safely to the side. 

You look upon the rest of the people in the little carriage. Siffrin is still carving, muttering his unintentional wish craft. Young One and Faithful One are going through a cookbook they found. Smart One is reading her familytale. Strong One is sketching in his book, no doubt working on designs. 

You sigh and decide to turn off your brain to keep reading. There were more interesting things about this book that you can't quite remember. You hope you can learn something about the island from it. Possibly something about yourself.

Chapter Text

You watch as Eclipse properly falls asleep. They had been trying in vain to stay awake as they read a book. Loop had no such reservations about their nap; they fell asleep almost immediately. 

Once you were sure they were both properly asleep, you wandered over. Eclipse was still holding onto a quite fragile-looking book so you gently took it. Placing the book safely to the side, you retrieve a blanket from one of the packs. You move slowly as you wrap the two in a blanket and go to sit down again. 

Eclipse is leaning against a wall and adjusts to grab the blanket properly. Loop barely moves as they clutch the blanket themselves. You feel a smile tug at your face, looking at the two. They looked so in pain when they were awake. When sleeping, however, they looked peaceful. 

You find the others looking between you and them and automatically hide your face. Your hat is perfect for times like this. You have always used the large brim to hide your face, along with the cape. 

“Siffrin,” Odile starts, “what do you think of them?”

You look at her, and the others do as well. They all seem to want to know the answer to the question themselves. You haven't really had a chance to think about this. From planning out the next trip and gathering supplies to making sure they are fine, you haven't really had time to think at all since the king was felled. 

“I’m not sure,” you answer honestly. No point in lying here. “I think that I'm grateful.” 

“Grateful?” Isa asks. 

“Yeah.” You feel a frown take over your face at the thought. “If they weren't here, I would have ended up like Loop. We don't know the extent of what they went through, but the sheer difference in our personality says enough. Stars , that's completely ignoring Eclipse.”

“They both look so…” Mira is wringing her hands, looking for the correct words. Then she croaked, “they look so sad. Loop had this look when they came back with Eclipse earlier. And his arms…!” 

She peeps as she remembers that Bonnie is still here and listening. Her concerns are legitimate, and you agree with it. You never got to see what was there properly, but you had an idea. You had focused on keeping Bonnie away. You wondered if there was more you could do. 

“I think that they have a lot of trauma,” Odile states bluntly as she looks down at her book. “Not only from what they went through in the loops but what you went through when you were younger.” 

The sudden topic change catches you off guard. You never really thought about where you were from. It was so jarring to hear it as a second-hand account from the two. To hear a language you don't quite recognise anymore, to hear about culture and craft that escapes your mind the second it passes through. You think back to how your first memories naturally slip to the back of your mind. The Universe is trying to prevent you from knowing that you're missing it in the first place.

“They talked about your home some,” Odile continued after your silence. “Do you remember any of this yourself?” 

“Most of it, no,” is the easy answer, and it pains you to know about how much you don't. “When they talk about it, I know that it's true by… Instinct? But I can’t really recall any of it on my own.” 

“The stars,” Isa comments. “You look at them so often because they are part of a culture that you can't remember.” 

You think it was supposed to come out as a question, but you take it as a statement. It’s definitely true. You know you like the stars and the sky. You never really thought about why, though , since it was just so natural to look up and be comforted by the cosmos. 

“You forgot everything,” Mira clasps her hands together in front of her. “I’m so sorry, Siffrin.” 

Genuine apologies? Ew.

“Ah, it’s fine,” you shrug, hoping to be out of the spotlight. 

“It’s not,” Odile comments dryly, her face donning an undertone of sadness… or perhaps guilt?

“It’s no wonder you made the wish you made, although I find it quite cute. The dedication to staying with us would be admirable if it weren't so concerning.” 

“Why didn't they say anything?” Isa asks. 

“They were likely afraid,” Odile comments, “they wanted to deal with it on their own. Not bother anyone until it became too big to deal with and they felt like they had no other choice.” 

“Wow,” you comment accidentally. “I mean… it sounds accurate.” 

You blush a little as you think about the likelihood of you hiding something like this. The proof is sleeping right in front of you and you almost don't like that. Odile starts to flip though her book, drawing your attention back to her. 

“I think at some point,” she settles on some notes and taps her book briefly. “We need to ask about Eclipse’s last loop.” 

“Loop said some concerning things about that,” Mira mutters. “They went to the house alone.” 

Odile references her notes and says, “from what I've gathered, something must have happened, forcing them to storm the house alone. We must have caught up to them before the end because it was the last loop. Loop mentioned there was some almost ‘world breaking’ happening. I am not sure about the timeline of that. In the end, they found a solution to the wish, but restarted on purpose.” 

“They restarted for Loop,” you comment, “before Mira showed up, they were arguing a lot.” 

“When are they not?” Odile huffed.

“Loop mentioned that Eclipse made the ‘same blinding mistake’. They were talking about how Eclipse had made another wish, gave up their own for a new one. I don’t think it was their desired outcome.” 

“All of that is not to even mention Mal du Pays…” Isa shudders. “The things that were said when we got there…” 

You feel a shudder yourself as you think back to it. Insecurities you didn't even know you had spit in Eclipse’s face. Loop had the most fearful look in their eyes. 

You think about the whole situation, about the wish you made. The entire thing was your fault - all of you. The time that you split apart, you all made the same selfish decision. Blinded everything. Trapped the world in a stasis of an unknown length. Likely longer than the king had by a long shot. The way that the two of them acted said enough about what they had been thinking and how long. 

“Siffrin,” Mira pulled you out of your thoughts. “What are you thinking about?” 

“It's nothing.” You put on a smile and watch as she drops it. 

You think back to the quests that Eclipse had set you on. Thought about how they must have done it. The effect of the conversations had to be different when it was unnatural like that. You wondered if they had dedicated whole loops to helping the team. You would do it in a heartbeat. 

You get broken out of your thoughts again as the carriage slows to a stop. The driver calls out that this is where they will stay for the night. They would camp this night and arrive in the next town by the late morning. The others take a moment to pack up their activities and bring their packs out. You look at the two sleeping and debate whether they need to be woken up. 

They don't really have a task to do, and you wonder if they even want to help. You decide to shake them awake anyway. They won't be able to sleep at night if they nap throughout the entire day. They also had to be awake for food. Bonnie was shouting about the meal they were preparing already. 

You shuffle over to them and take in how peaceful they look for a moment longer. Long enough to feel your heart warm, but not too long to be weird. You remember how the two of them are always touching each other. Even now, Loop has one arm sneakily wrapped around Eclipse and Eclipse has a hand in their hair. 

With that in mind, you place a gentle hand on their shoulders and shake a little. They don't stir much at first, so you decide to use your words.

“✦✧✦✧✦✧✦, It's time to get up,” you mutter and pause. 

The word escapes you, but it seems to work on them as they both snap their eyes open. You aren't sure what you accidentally said but it leaves a little sad hole in your chest. 

“Moonlight?” Eclipse grumbled, “where did you learn that word?” 

“I didn’t…” you mutter, “what was it?” 

“I think it was a nickname?” Loop sits up properly, aggressively snagging the blanket. “Someone must have called us that. It’s not our name, I don't think.” 

“Too bad I can't remember the exact word,” Eclipse yawns wide. “What did you need us for?”

Before you can say anything, Bonnie comes running to the back of the cart. 

“Hey Frins!” They shout, not noticing the look of pain on the other two’s faces. “Can you two hunt still?”

They give nods despite looking upset about the name. They must have the same soft spot for Bonnie as you do. It would make sense. 

“Good!” Bonnie shouts. “I want fresh meat for dinner, can you get some?” 

“Sure thing, Kid,” Loop smiles. 

“Affirmative, Young One,” Eclipse stage bows. 

“Anything in particular Bonnie?” You ask. 

“Nope!” They start to hop away. “I won't give it away, but anything will be fine.” 

“Hey, Loop,” Eclipse looks over with a grin. 

Neither of them use their words to explain, not even in your language. Before you can actually ask a question about the behaviour, they are scrambling up. You get shoved lightly to the ground, and the two dash out of the carriage. 

“Hey!” You shout, and get up to chase them. 

They both shoot you a mirroring look with their tongue out. You think about how that is a face you make often and return it. You snap your fingers to activate your craft and chase the two. 

✦⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽✧✦✧☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅✦

The three of you return to camp less than an hour later. You hold three nice rabbits in your hand and the other two don't have a single one. They both have a little bit of sadness goop that is still dissipating on their clothes. They did make a good attempt to hunt, but it seems like being in the house has made them rusty. 

“Welcome back,” Mira greets the three of you, then giggles a little at the sight. “One each, or…?” 

“I blame Stardust,” Loop huffs, and you sigh at the oncoming argument. 

“I tripped…” the quietness of the defence catches you off guard. They were so loud in the forest that it made hunting hard. Now they're quiet as a mouse. 

“Sorry, Loop.” Eclipse says again after a moment. 

“Ugh,” they huff, “you're no fun.” 

“Are you intentionally egging him on?” You turn to glare. 

“They like to…” Eclipse gains back a familiar grin. “ Yolk around.”

“Eggs-emplary attempt, Stardust,” Loop smiles. “But it takes more than that to crack me.” 

You smile along with the two and chirp, “while the puns are egg-cellent, I do have to ask if you're both going to help me with the rabbits. You can both be comedi-hens later.” 

Loop walks over and takes one of the rabbits along with Eclipse before they both smile at each other. They both lower in a stage bow and you watch with mounting horror as they speak. 

“That's all for now, yolks!” You burst out laughing despite yourself as you look upon the audience of your little conversation. 

Isa is folded over in his laughter. Odile and Bonnie are sharing the same disappointed expression. Mira has burst out into shocked chuckles. You smile and follow after the two to a nice nearby spot to process the rabbits. 

The group has settled near a creek, and there is already a nice spot for them to get to work. A chopping board is placed beside a bucket of cleaned water. There's a bowl set out for the finished product and you go to get to work. You make sure to remember to take off your gloves and roll back your sleeves. The two sit nearby. There is only room for one of you, but they don't seem to mind. 

“Do you…” you question whether or not to ask the question. 

“Just ask the question, Moonlight,” Loop sighs. 

“Do you remember what it felt like?” They're both looking at you, confused. “The rock, I mean. Sometimes I still feel like I'm being…” 

You stop talking. They know what you mean, they went through the same things. You take a breath, in and out, and continue the mindless work on the second rabbit now. 

“Does it go away?” You ask instead. 

“That rock got me a few times,” Eclipse looks back into the small creek. “I don't know, I still feel it sometimes.” 

“I did in my loops,” Loop comments. “It's been so long that I don't really feel it. I still think about it, I guess, but the feeling fades.” 

Loop is trying to be reassuring, but you know they're telling the truth. They don't really lie as much as they avoid the truth. You can also read them well enough that they must know that it's pointless. You just sigh a little and keep working. 

Eclipse begins humming absently and Loop joins in. Before long, the three of you are all humming the same tune. You went from humming the same parts to complimenting parts. Harmonised perfectly even as each one of you sings a different note. You finish off with the rabbits and move to wash the board, but they take it from you. 

“Go bring that over, we can handle the rest.” Loop gets to work cleaning it and the knife quickly. 

You watch as Eclipse grabs the carcasses and goes to dispose of them properly. You walk back to the group to give the meat to Bonnie. They haven't ever really been queasy around things like this. They mentioned that their sister was a fisherwoman, so they must be used to this. 

“Thanks, Frin!” They shout as you hand them the bowl. 

You're immediately shooed away so they can get back to work on their meal. You have never been one to help with cooking much, so you just take a seat on one of the logs that have been set up. Three tents have been set up and one remains for the two to sort out. There hasn't been a proper explanation on where they are meant to stay. It's assumed that they will stay together. 

Mira and Isa are chatting about something while Odile is writing in her notebook again. She has been doing that a lot more lately, though it doesn't come as a surprise. You expect she's trying to solve the other two like a puzzle. The thought of you being caught up in that disturbs you a little. 

You only get a moment of peace before the two return and sit on either side of you. They aren’t touching you, just sitting - neither of them have any apparent emotion on their face. Just careful neutrality. 

“Oh, that reminds me,” Eclipse pulls out the old book. “Here, Moonlight.” 

They pass the book to you and you look on with confusion. 

“I got it in the house, I had it wrong though,” they explain vaguely. “I had originally thought it was a diary, but turns out it's a cautionary tale. It's written to look like a diary. We’ve been told the story before.” 

“Would you not want to keep this?” You ask, looking over the thing. 

“Nah, I have too many books already.” They lean back, done talking. 

You open up the book and start to skim through it. You notice Odile is looking with interest. 

“Do you want to read it with me?” You ask as she continues sneaking peaks. 

Belatedly, you notice Mira and Isa are looking as well. Right, it's a folk tale from a forgotten culture - one that you are a part of. No wonder they would be curious. You really don't want to read it aloud. 

“I can read it for everyone,” Mira seems to notice your realization. “If you want, of course.” 

You look to the two either side of you and they just shrug. You get up to give the book over and listen. You were never one for books per say, better with scripts. Getting to listen to this one was nice. You wouldn't ask for it, but you like it when people read to you. 

You think that someone read to you often when you were young. You can't think of who. It's just a fact that you are sure of. 

Everyone listens as Mira reads through the book of a lonely person. One who was so alone they turned to wish craft to make a copy of themselves. You glance at the two beside you. They aren't here for the same reasons, but by the same method. They seem to have the same idea, and you know that the irony is not lost on them. A cautionary tale, one that would have been great to find before you made such a reckless wish. When you didn't even know that wish craft was a thing. 

Mira makes a sad noise and turns the book around. The pages are ripped out. By the time that Mira gets to that point, Bonnie is almost ready to start plating their meal. 

“The rest is gone…” she looks sad as she presents the broken book. 

“Yeah, it was like that in the house,” you mutter. “Whoever did it had to have done so before the Island had disappeared. The locked door required the language to open.” 

“You said that you have been told this story before, Eclipse.” Odile notes. “Can you fill in the rest?” 

They think about it for a moment, but Loop speaks up first. 

“They didn't get any less lonely,” Loop mutters. “I think that they ended up isolating themselves with their mirror. The two of them died lonely, never truly understood. I think the story relates to a constellation but I can't remember which one.”

“It's a minor one, right?” You ask out of nowhere. 

“Should be,” Eclipse pulls out one of the books in another language. 

They take a moment to flip through it. It looks like a guide to constellations. You go to look over their shoulder and then pull back. You place a hand on your head to soothe the headache. Eclipse seems to run into the same problem as they close the book with a snap. They place a hand on their head and sigh. 

“Nope,” they mutter, “too early to know that.” 

“No more confusing talk!” Bonnie takes the time to interrupt. “IT'S DINNER TIME!” 

You, Isa and Mira cheer for them as the others look over silently. Bonnie takes the time to hand out bowls, and you get an overstuffed bowl. The two beside you have regular portions. They didn't eat much last time… You hope Bonnie doesn't take it personally. 

Dinner passes by without an incident. The three of you listen as different conversations about nothing and everything happen around you. The two manage to finish off their bowls and start cleaning up the dishes. They look awkward, asking for everyone's dishes, so you gather them instead. 

The two work silently, running off of instincts they don't remember forming. Once they're done, they wave a quick goodnight and walk to a larger tree at the edge of the clearing. You watch in surprise as Eclipse buries his dagger at about head height. He tugs on it and uses it as leverage to climb the tree. Loop follows soon after and they settle on opposite sides. 

“Catfrin,” you hear from Bonnie before you turn around in shock. 

Isa, Mira and Bonnie are snickering while Odile quietly gets ready for bed. You sigh and do the same. The merchant has long since settled into their carriage. His horses have been taken care of. You join the others, putting out the fire and walking over to your tent. Isa holds open the flap for you to slide in. with one last glance, you enter and sit on your bedroll. 

Isa goes through the motions of changing into his night clothes and you do not look. All you have to do is take the cloak and hat off. You take off your harness and the eyepatch last. You keep the dagger strapped to your thigh. You can hear Eclipse and Loop chatting with each other quietly. 

They're speaking the language you can't understand, but they sound peaceful. You can guess that they are stargazing. Isa settles behind you and you decide to lie down. He will question why you are still up if you don't. You don't find that you are very tired, so you just stay awake and listen to the two. They lapse into silence for a while. Slight shuffling can still be heard to inform you they are still awake.

You focus on the sounds of the camp around you. You can hear the quiet breathing and snores from your party. Isa in particular is obvious when he falls asleep, with soft snoring that is occasionally interrupted by softer mumbling. It never once bothered you; it was always endearing. You feel yourself start to drift off to sleep. 

Your eye starts to close right as you hear two light thumps on the ground. There's hushed muttering from Eclipse and Loop. Your eye snaps open properly and you're fully awake as you hear - more like feel - a large crash in the distance. There are smaller thumps getting closer. The noises are getting louder, and you feel the presence of a sadness. It's overwhelming. 

You hear the two go to engage whatever is approaching the camp and quickly turn to shake Isa awake. He has always been a light sleeper, and it shows since he's already awake and getting up. The two of you scramble out of the tent in time to see the sadness before it screams. 

Loop and Eclipse stand in front of it at the ready, and they're so much smaller than it. The sadness has the body of a lion with the torso of a person where the head would be. Its head is contorted in pure anguish as it grips onto its lion's mane of hair. The thing supports two large sharp wings on the lion's back and a tail that looks like it has a mace on the end. The creature looks vaguely familiar to you, but thinking of it hurts for some reason. 

The creature looks like it's been in a few fights with all of the open wounds it sports. There are broken weapons and arrows lodged into its body in places and its wings have been torn all over.

“I’ll get the others up!” Isa shouts and runs to the other tents. 

You look back at the two just in time to see Eclipse backing up and Loop crouching whilst facing him. They smile wide as he runs at them. Loop has their hands together where Eclipse can step one foot on them. You watch as they work together to have him thrown at the creature's face. 

Eclipse is silent as they unleash a flurry of piercing craft attacks. Loop shouts a bolstering craft and starts going at one of its legs. You watch as Eclipse all but sits on the sadness’ head to do as much damage as possible. 

You sigh, cast the speed craft and go to join the fight. You get a few hits in before you discover, to your horror, that the tail can reach Eclipse. He goes flying with the impact, sliding on his side into a tree. He doesn't quite look as bothered by the attack before the sadness turns to him and roars. They look shocked while they're slowly covered in a darkless sheen. 

You hear Mira shout in surprise as they all watch him get frozen in time. Strong sadnesses can still do that, huh? It's the wrong shade , you think.

Loop is unbothered as they continue to attack the creature. They have taken out a leg and it stumbles forward. The front leg gone makes the human-like body easier to reach and attack. 

Isa casts another round of bolstering craft, increasing everyone's attack. Mira gets Eclipse back into the fight and Odile slows the creature down. 

“I can't tell what type it is!” Odile shouts, sounding concerned. 

You pass your turn off to her so she can cast the vulnerability craft. It has the right effect, as when Eclipse gets back for their next silent attack, the thing screams out. The creature is now missing an arm, their front leg is taken out, and they have a large gash in their chest. 

Loop casts another proper piercing craft attack. The three of you work together for the jackpot to deal the final amount of damage. The sadness crumples into the ground as their form starts to melt. 

Everyone stands and just catches their breath. Loop and Eclipse walk up to each other a little concerning wobble. Much to your surprise, they hook their pinkies, bring their fists together and then pull them back entirely. There was a little ‘pshhh’ sound that they made as they shot their hands apart.  

“I’m glad you're both excited,” Odile sounds exasperated, and they both snap their heads over. “We might want to have a discussion about that.” 

They stare for a second, unblinking, before they finally move. They trot right over to you, stumbling a little as they make it over. As soon as they get to your side and lean on each of your arms, you smell it. 

“Are you two drunk!?” It makes a lot of sense, but raises so many more questions. 

“A little?” Eclipse slurs. “Hehe, Polaris got something strong to celebrate!” 

You get confused by the name for a second, looking around at the perplexed looks from the team. 

“I totally drank more than that loser,” Loop mutters. “After I got ‘out-drank’ when I was a star, I had to make up for it.” 

“The two of you fought like that…” Odile pinches the bridge of her nose around her glasses. “Drunk!?”

“Cool, huh?” Loop sounds proud. “Hey, Stardust?”

“Yeah?” They're definitely going to feel this in the morning.

“Was that a Manticore?” Loop asks, and you still. 

“Manticore?” You question as the word settles into your mind. “It was, wasn't it?” 

“It was smaaall though…” Eclipse complains. 

Everyone looks on in shock, you as well. Small? That thing was considered small? It was, wasn't it… You think back to the vague stories that your mind supplies. 

“Siffrin,” Odile sighs, “you look like you remember something. Can you translate?”

“Yeah,” you think of how to say it. “That was what we would call a Manticore. It's a boss… Class? Sadness. I’m sorry, the word eludes me. Anyway, it's basically a myth and that was too small for a full grown one.” 

Everyone lapses into silence for a moment. You think about the implications. You don't like the idea that that thing is considered small. 

“That came from the direction of the town we are going to…” Mira comments, and everyone looks over only to notice something big missing. 

“The merchant is gone!?” Isa shouts, “are they okay?” 

“The horses likely got spooked,” Odile points out, “they're safer in the next town… Hopefully.” 

“Why is there such a big sadness out here?” Mira bites on her nails. 

“Nails,” both Eclipse and Loop slur out of habit, and she stops. 

“We need to stop into the next house that we find and ask,” Isa keeps a level head. “The defenders of the next town might have seen something.” 

“We can't leave right now,” Odile looks at the two drunks that are only upright because of you. “Those two need rest as much as the rest of us do.” 

“I’ll take the first watch,” Isa says, walking over to the fire to relight it. 

“I guess I'll take these two to sleep in my tent,” you go to move your arm but Eclipse slips off and falls on his face. 

Loop goes to laugh at him but falls as well. You just sigh and hope they'll sleep soon. You will swear off alcohol if this is what the others have to deal with. Mira chuckles and helps Loop up. 

“Thanks, Mira,” Loop mutters, and the nickname makes her pause. “Hey, Mira?” 

“Yes, Loop?” 

“I’m sorry.” They say possibly the most concerning thing right before passing out. 

They must have exhausted themself with craft overuse. You crouch down to check on Eclipse and find that he’s the same. You and Mira chuckle a little and take them to the tent. They both lie down over your opened bedroll and settle properly. You walk back out together to meet with the team. 

“Mira, can you take second watch?” Isa asks, “I’ll tent with Bonnie after.” 

“Sure.” She goes to take Bonnie back to bed.

All of the excitement must have worn them out, as they follow along without a complaint. You smile at how cute they are when they're tired. 

“I’ll take the morning watch, Mira can sleep in my tent.” Odile informs. 

“What about me?” You ask before getting a look. 

“You took the first watch,” Odile comments. “You haven't slept yet.” 

“How did you know?” 

“Your hair,” she smiles a little. “It isn’t yet a bird's nest.” 

“I didn't even know that happened so quickly,” you mutter. 

“It does,” Isa comments, before looking away quickly for some reason. 

“Goodnignt everyone,” you shrug and walk back into the tent. 

The two have found each other's hands in their sleep and latched on. They seem a little restless in their sleep, but generally seem comfortable. You lie on top of Isa’s bedroll and feel a little bad for taking it. You let yourself settle into the larger setup, the smell of flowers, wood and moss filling your nose. You can't find anything other than comfort from the smell. 

It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep. The extra fight from earlier was not good for your energy levels. 

You dream of the house. 

Chapter Text

You wake to the sounds of a shout and strangled breathing. You push through a growing migraine as you launch up to look around. The sounds are coming from Siffrin as they grip their hands into their hair. Incoherent babbling can be heard through their strangled breathing. 

“Moonlight?” you call out, voice horse. 

To your distress he doesn't respond, he continues to babble and rock. Loop has gotten up already and has started to coax his hands out of his hair. You just stare shocked and unsure. 

Once Loop properly gets his hands down they try and get his attention. With little nudges or hums but he stays stuck in his head. 

“What happened?” Loop asks, looking at you. 

“I don’t know!?” you feel yourself becoming more stressed. “Have we ever had night terrors like this before?” 

“You are more likely to know than I, Stardust.” 

The two of you just take a deep breath. You move to take one of his hands and squeeze it. He squeezed back. 

“Siffrin,” you try, he looks up a little. “There you are.” 

“Wh- I-” He stutters out and you both just squeeze his hand. 

He suddenly launches to their feet and scrambles out of the tent. You and Loop try to follow but the effects of your stellar decision making last night impede you. The both of you manage to get out as he’s wrapped Young One in a tight hug. 

The kid just stares at the world in shock as Siffrin cries into them. He doesn't try to talk anymore. You two approach with the rest of the team. Smart One stays back with Faithful One, Strong One tries to talk to him.

There's a strange pull on your brain as you approach. You think about staying back but the thought is banished painfully. Before you can think about what you are doing your mouth opens and you talk. 

“You have gained the memory of one's greatest failures,” you don't know what you're saying as you continue. “You will never forget this.” 

The tug on your brain lessens as you realize what you have said. Loop places a hand on your shoulder and you look back with apprehension. 

“ ‘The memory of one’s greatest failures’,” they ponder in your language. “ They're hugging the kid… you don't think…” 

You look back and decide to ask, “Moonlight, what did you dream about?” 

He flinches a little but pulls away from Young One, checking them over one more time. He gets up and shuffles on his feet, thinking his words over. 

“I was in the house, I think,” He starts. “I don't know if it was real but it felt so real . We were fighting the king, just us, no Loop or Eclipse.” 

You don't like where this is going but let him continue. 

“The king he…” he breaks off again to take a breath, “Mira and Bon… he-” 

He can't finish it, you know what happened anyway. Loop’s tightening grip says that the ‘Mira’ part was for them. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as the memories flash into your head. 

“Moonlight,” you start and he looks up tearfully, “did you speak with the king? Did he try and convince you to say the name of our country?” 

You think you remember Siffrin muttering in your language when you first woke up. He looks at you bewildered but nods regardless. The direct question is the attention on you now. 

“HAH!” Loop laughs humorlessly, “is this really necessary, dear Universe?” 

“We are its favourite plaything it seems,” you sigh humorlessly. 

Before the others can say anything you pull out a book in your language. You turn it around and hold it out for Siffrin. They look puzzled for a moment before they read it with wide eyes. 

“You now have the ability to understand our native tongue,” you sigh out. The last little bit of tugging on your brain fades. 

You didn't even notice it was there over the migraine… speaking of. The memories of last night fill your mind. You just sigh and go to take a seat at the campfire. It was still too early in the morning to be thinking. Not with a hangover. The others join you and Bonnie pulls out some snacks to hand out. 

Only once you have a granola bar in your stomach do you decide to speak. Siffrin is looking more haunted the more he sits and just thinks. 

“Moonlight,” his head snaps up, “are you able to tell us about the dream a little more.” 

He grimaces instead of answering and you feel Loop shift beside you. 

“You can leave the…” They try to think of the word, twirling their hand. “ Exciting, details out. We already know what happened with that.” 

You shudder a little at the memories. You know that some of the memories are from Loop. They went through the loops longer than you and spent most of it fighting the king. You don't want to think about the different ways the team died during that. 

“I think it was three or four different… memories? I guess,” they start. “It wasn't exactly obvious which of you they came from but I have a feeling. It felt like I wasn't in control of my body as I watched the events unfold.”

“If you gained the ability to speak our language, you tried to say it,” you try to be as vague as possible. “Do you remember the name? Did you feel the pain? Did you see the colour?” 

Too many questions at once, oops.

“No.” He sighs and lets his hat cover his eye, “I felt it. A-and that shade I saw?” 

“It's called ‘red’,” Loop comments idly, “we used to be able to see several of those shades a long time ago. It was described in a book in the house as the colour that shows up when something ‘breaks’. It’s safe to assume that when wish craft ‘rots’ that colour shows up.” 

“I never thought of that…” You comment, “if it's related to us saying the name of our home then it must have disappeared by wish craft.” 

You think you might have thought about this once before in the house. Your memory is hazy on the exact details but it was when you got Odile to read the book. You sigh as you think about the sheer amount of memories that have slipped from your grasp.

“Another reason why the craft should be forgotten along with the country,” Loop shrugs. 

“If I have this right,” Smart One finally finishes writing in her book. “Siffrin dreamt of your memories, gained an ability. Why would that happen?” 

“There is likely a reason,” you think. “We have no way of finding out at the moment though.” 

“The universe leads,” Siffrin echoes with a slightly hollow look. 

“And we merely follow.” Loop finishes the mantra. 

The group lapses into silence for a moment as they think. There is nothing for you to use to ‘theory craft’ at the moment. No discernible reason why all three of you need to know the language. What else will they dream about from your loops? 

“Do the two of you remember the Manticore?” Siffrin asks you two, “from last night?” 

“I think I do?” You think back to it, your stupid memory barely working. 

“I definitely drank too much but yes, I do remember,” Loop sounds a little embarrassed. 

“The two of you almost took that thing out on your own,” Strong One seems weirdly choked. “... Drunk?” 

“IT WAS SO CRABBING COOL!!!” Young One shouts, spiking your headache. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” you mutter. “I went through the house alone, almost defeated the king. It would make sense that the sadness wouldn't really stand a chance.” 

“My king was more powerful,” Loop comments, “I got some good practice with that. Besides, it seems stars can't get dull .” 

“You just got dimm,” you huff at them earning a smack. 

“The point is,” Smart One interrupts you two, “that thing was powerful. More powerful than we have ever encountered in the wild. If you two weren't there first the battle would have gone a lot different.” 

“Why was that thing out here?” Faithful One finishes off her snack finally, worrying her idle hands.

“A Manticore huh,” you mutter, “what do you know about them, Moonlight?” 

“I think they are somewhat of a popular folk tale,” they try to think back. “I’m not certain, do either of you remember?” 

“Not a thing~!” Loop smiles, there is pain hidden within it. “Wonder if a library would mention it? If it's popular enough there might be books hidden in our language.”

“We have to rush to the nearest House of Change anyway,” Faithful One announces. “If that thing was out here then they need to know, we can look there.” 

“No can do Housemaiden~!” Loop winks. “I’m not looking to be the first to be smited by the Change god, thank you.” 

“Not to mention I don't want to go anywhere near a house for a good year if I can avoid it.” you shudder at the idea of it, the wounds too fresh. Barely had a chance to start closing. 

“O-oh! I’m sorry,” she looks so guilty, stars, fix it! “I didn’t think about that.” 

“We saw a large library here last time we came though,” Smart One offers. “We can go on a secret quest.” 

“I’ll go with Mira,” Strong One decides, “I should speak with the defenders as well if I can.” 

“I wanna go with the Frins!” you cringe at the name as Young One bounces with excitement. 

You think you would scream if any of the others said something like that. Why do they get a pass? Why can they say stuff like that and make your heart light instead of sharp? You miss your Bon…

“That's the plan,” Smart One announces, getting up. “We pack up and head to Solime as fast as we can. Mirabell and Isabeau can head to the house and I’ll take the rest to the library.” 

Everyone nods at the plan and gets moving. You find yourself being dragged away by Faithful One as she asks for help with her tent. It is faster with two but she has to keep stopping to tell you what to do. There is a heat on your face every time you make a stupid mistake. You don't remember how to do half of this and it eats away at you. 

Loop got dragged away by Young One as the two worked on the food supplies. You sling the tent bag over your shoulder as soon as Faithful One sets it down for a second. 

“Eclipse!?” She shouts, “that's supposed to be my responsibility!” 

“You can have it back if you can catch me!” She grumples as you just wink. 

You are prepared to run if she tries to take you up on the offer but she gets the message. You turn over with a smile as Loop does the same thing with Young One. The younger takes them up on the challenge. 

You find yourself with a small smile watching the two of them run around. They are quickly stopped by a stare from Smart One. Everyone is packed up shortly after and the group is on the road. 

It's nice to just walk, you can keep your focus on the world around you instead of everything. You trust the others to manage themselves. Your focus is on looking out for more of those large sadnesses. 

Loop walks beside you as you two take the rear. Siffrin and Strong One take the lead, chatting. You realize with a start that the confession never happened. Your eye widens as you see the way that Strong One is looking as Siffrin. He looks at them like they hung the stars in the sky as they talk about nothing. 

“ Polaris ,” you whisper in your language, careful of the new possible eavesdropper. “ How did it take us that long to notice?” 

They seem to be taking this differently than you. You look over at them and they look like they want to destroy something. You understand it, you were finally able to get that confession right at the end. You threw it away. You threw everything away. Stupid selflessness that ended up ruining it for the two of you. You saved Loop from disappearing but was living here really better than death? 

You can feel yourself start to shake as the thoughts become worse. You think back to your dagger. You think about all of the horrible things you did to yourself and your family. You think about how you stole the happy ending from Loop then threw it away like it meant nothing. You think about how broken you’ve become, how broken you are. 

You think about your blood, the light sparkle it had. 

Are you even human anymore?

You turn your head to the side when you feel eyes land on you. There wasn't anything in the forest but you could have sworn you saw something. You felt like you saw an eye, staring back. 

Before you can think better of it you move to snatch Loop’s hand. They flinch at the suddenness of it but squeeze back. You can feel a tremor through their hands. The two of you trail behind the visage of a family you lost and try to breathe. 

No matter how much you want to cry, you can't. You can't let them worry about you. Their focus should be on their Siffrin, not some ghosts. Not some imposters that threaten his very position in the family he has created for themselves. Not someone as irresponsible as you to give it all away as soon as you succeeded.

You take a deep breath in and force yourself to keep your eyes on your surroundings. You focus on the trees and how they sway, looking like an ocean of leaves. You think about the waves, ebbing and flowing. You follow it, let your body naturally and instinctually fall in sync. 

In… and out. 

In and out. 

You start to calm down a little as your breathing becomes more normal. Loop has followed along in your practice. Their breathing evened out a little as well. Neither of you are feeling better in any capacity. But at least you can breathe. 

“ Should we set them up on a date?” you smirk. 

Loop jumps at the words, they don't look happy about it still. You can make a joke of it. If you can laugh at your problems then maybe they don't hurt as much. Yeah, that's how you will solve your issues. 

Laugh at them.

“ How long do you think it will take for him to find out?” Loop ponders, “ hopefully not as long as you or I when he doesn't have to deal with the loops.” 

“ We can play matchmaker,” you smirk and they mirror it. 

The two of you sigh as the mood lightens a little, neither letting go. The contact was as grounding for you as you are sure it was for them. You just walk in silence and let the sounds of nature lill you into a comforting peace. 

The walk became so comfortable you don't even remember how long you’ve been walking for. You rejoin reality again as the roof of an unfamiliar House of Change comes into view. You can hear shouts from the others as they celebrate their arrival. 

The group splits up as they get close enough and you walk with Siffrin. Loop gets dragged along by Young One again. They don't have the heart to tell the kid off. You let yourself zone out again as you walk through the town. You only zone back in when someone stumbles out in front of the group. 

“Youuuu damned SAViors!” They spit as they slur, “couldn't even do your job RIGHT, bunch of uselesssss…” 

They trail off and you feel your blood boil. You automatically stood in front of Siffrin when they jumped out. Loop is standing in front of Young One just the same as they glare at the drunkard. 

“What is your problem?” You can't see Smart One’s face but you know that it is a look that could kill. 

Drunk One continues to mumble incoherently before deciding that talking isn't worth it. They throw the bottle they are carrying at your group. Before anyone can react you are already deflecting the projectile with a wave of paper craft. 

You continue the momentum and grasp their collar. You do not move as you stare into their eyes. Just holding them there. It's impressive how fast someone can sober up. Considering the height difference between the two of you. They are forced to bend down awkwardly in your grasp.

“Eclipse.” Smart One says, breaking you out of your rage. 

You remember that these are people and not sadnesses and roughly push Drunk One away. They stumble before falling on their butt. You glare down at them a moment longer before tuning to your group with a smile. 

“Sorry,” you smile, letting the false cheer drip from your tone. “I guess I got beer y wild there. To think he would try and take a shot at us. This guy was just wine ing a lot, he's got no fire in him after all.” 

“No! Bad Eclipse!” Young One shouts at your puns. 

“Run along,” Smart One addresses Drunk One directly. “Don't ever let us see your face again.” 

They scramble to their feet and book it as soon as they're told they are free to go. You sigh a little as you feel the energy leave you a little. You know you can be a little protective, that was just a lot. Disgusting, overprotective, manipulative. Disgusting disgusting disgusti-

“What was that guy's problem anyway?” Siffrin breaks your thoughts. 

“Couldn't do our job right…” Smart One places a hand on her chin as she thinks about it. “Now that I think about it, this town looks worse for wear. Something must have happened here after the curse was lifted.” 

You actually take a look around and notice the town practically empty. Considering the celebrations that were in full swing when you left Dormont. This place was practically empty; dead.

“Let's hope the others get the answers at the house,” Loop comments. “It seems like there is more here than we are seeing.” 

“It's very likely to have something to do with the sadness,” you mutter. “We better get to that library, the longer time we have to search the better.” 

“Boniface,” Smart One calls, “stay close to Loop, please.” 

“Sure, Dile!” They don't seem too bothered by the situation at the moment, which is nice. 

They do send a glare at the broken booze bottle on the way past, however.

The group walks with a little less cheer than before. You move back to walk with Siffrin. You would take the lead but you don't know the direction. It doesn't matter for long, the walk after is short. 

Once you get to the library you notice that there is no one in it. The door is locked. Siffrin sighs and asks Smart One for a hair pin. She smiles and hands over a very tiny pin that you recognise. The three of you wait around for them to be done committing a crime and walk in. you close the door and lock it behind the group to give you privacy. 

“Alright, Boniface and I will gather the ‘headache’ books,” she starts to walk off dragging them with her. 

The three of you, all able to actually read the language, take to going through the shelves to find something of use. It seems like most of the books have been moved to a back corner of the library. It was likely due to their headache-inducing nature. 

You start there as you comb through the shelves. You find a few books that you would like to take the time to read if you weren't looking for something in particular. You keep searching before you get distracted by a history book. You open it briefly only to slam it closed at the headache you received. 

There has to be a way to get around this, some way to know . You sigh and pocket the book. You look over at Loop who just watched you actively commit a crime. That's two on the list today.

“What?” You pout, “not like they're going to miss it.” 

“Petty thievery, Stardust?” they place a hand on their hip and stare judgmentally. 

“Oh hush,” you tease back. “You have a pastry in your skirt pocket. You stole that on our way here.” 

“You noticed that!?” they shout, face darkening. 

Siffrin joins the conversation from around a bookshelf, “It wasn't well hidden.” 

“They aren’t going to miss it,” they huff instead. Using the same excuse as you did.

“Pretty flaky argument there,” Siffrin comments idly. 

“Might want to try to get bread er joke,” they throw a book at Siffrin. 

“FRINS!” The three of you are stopped from actually brawling as Young One rounds the corner. “Stop fighting! I found a cool book.” 

The three of you stop immediately as you go to look at their book. Smart One comes over herself, looking exasperated. The book they hold is old looking and definitely meant for a younger audience. The creature on the cover makes you pause. You gently reach for the book as they give it over. 

You silently open the book and run a hand down the pages. You suddenly feel a pang in the back of your mind. You remember this book, it's the exact copy. Not the same book but it's close enough for you to be almost overwhelmed with the feeling. 

“✦✧✦✧,” you mutter at the same time that the other two do. 

You don't know what you said but you feel a headache spink in your head as you think about it. It nags at the back of your mind as you think. The headache gets worse as you crumple forward. Distantly you realize that the other two have done the same. Nice, you're all going to die. 

Just as fast as the splitting feeling comes, it lifts. You snap your head up and look around. Siffrin and Loop are looking up now too. You ignore the questions of concern from Smart One and Young One as you look at the book. 

Your head becomes more clear as you think about the word you must have said. You think about what it represents, more like who. Foggy memories fill your mind as tears prick at your eye. 

“Baba , ” you try again, properly crying once the sound leaves your mouth. “I’m sorry, Baba. I’m sorry.” 

You don't know why you are apologising but you feel like you need to. The other two have said the name themselves, reveling in the ability to say it. It takes a moment before you are able to properly breathe. Your smile is genuine as you look at the book and remember. 

You read out the story absently, your voice fills the now quiet space. Despite it being your voice that makes the noise you hear another. A kind and gruff voice. One that strikes fear into your tormentors and comfort into their loved ones. The voice that told you this story more times than you can count. 

You retell the story of a creature, one formed from the devastation of a town raised to the ground. The town was ravaged by monsters, the result was enough despair and devastation to form the sadness called a Manticore. The body of a lion is its pride and strength. Wings to take it to better lands, ones to remind it of home. Its devastating tail that had the shape of a scorpion’s, to defend itself. 

The body that came from the Lion’s neck was human-like to a degree. It was told to only be able to use its arms at its full strength. It would wield any weapons it could get its hands on. 

You retell the tale of a warrior, one who had left his home a long time ago. He returned to find the place destroyed, family gone. It tells of that warrior hunting down the beast. In the end, they were able to join their family as they evenged them. 

The book ends with a minor constellation, one of the warrior. The Universe gave him a place among the cosmos for their bravery. Their ability to move on in spite of everything and succeed at the cost of their life. He is honored forever as a symbol of dedication and determination. 

You finish the story and close the book, you take a deep breath. You feel lighter for some reason, but oh so tired. 

“So that's what that creature is,” Smart One mutters. “Gems alive, that does not sound good.” 

“So that thing came from this town,” Young One infers, “What happened here?” 

Just before you go to try and answer you hear a knock on the door. It was rapid and panicked. You get up quickly and open the door a little. Faithful One and Strong One are standing at the door and you open it more for them to rush in. 

“Oh thank Change,” Faithful One sighs as they both get in properly. “I hope you found what we needed, we need to get moving.” 

You look at her with concern as she takes a deep breath to continue. The others have matching expressions. 

“Solime was completely overrun with sadness when they were unfrozen.” She wrings her hands, “The civilians were evacuated to the House. The defenders had been waiting for that sadness to come back so they kept a watch out. They have received news from other once frozen cities with the same results.” 

“They gave us horses,” Strong One inserts, “we can use them to rush north.” 

The implications seem to hit Young One to your horror as they look impossibly scared. 

“Nille! She will be okay right!?” They are almost hysterical. 

Loop acts before anyone can think of what to do. They kneel in front of the younger, taking a hand in both of theirs. They take a moment to breathe, making sure Young One is paying attention. 

“I didn't make the same wish as Moonlight,” they start talking slowly and calmly. “Do you want to guess what I wished for?” 

Young One tries to think before shaking their head and sniffling. 

“I wished to see you reunite with your sister,” the admission sits heavily in the air. “The Universe wanted my wish to come true so much it warped time. I think that it would be easy for it to make sure that your sister would be okay. Wouldn't you?” 

“A-are you sure?” they sniffle, following along with the calm breathing Loop is encouraging. 

“Of course,” They smile easily while holding a pinky up. “Promise.” 

Young One stares in confusion before hooking their pinkies together. Loop shakes their hand once as they giggle a little at the action. 

“The Universe leads,” they start. “We need to trust in it, it will all work out.” 

“Okay,” they breathe out, “we need to get moving though.” 

“I share the sentiment,” Smart One turns to the door once she is sure that they are calm. 

“Did you get the information you needed?” Strong One asks. 

“We did,” You answer. “Mostly what you found out admittedly. We did get something else, however.” 

“Oh?” Everyone seems to look intrigued by the soft smiles on your faces. 

“My Baba,” Siffrin breaths out, the name still feeling feign to all three of you. “The person who taught me that story. I remember their voice.” 

“That's good!” Faithful One claps her hands, “I’m happy for you!” 

“Thanks,” he blushed a little at the genuine smile, “let's get moving, we can make good progress by horse.” 

“Do you know how to ride one?” Strong One says as you make it out the door. 

“Not a clue.” the three of you answer at the same time before giggling. 

The arrangement was decided to be, Strong One and Young One on a Shire. Strong One was the most experienced and the safest to leave them with. Smart One had a chestnut horse, the shortest one. Faithful One looked after Siffrin on a pure white horse with a long mane and tail. You and Loop were forced to figure it out an a particularly large pure black horse. Not as large as Strong One’s but moody enough to make up for it. 

By the time you leave the city you've already had two arguments with the horse. Everyone laughs as you and Loop try not to die. 

You just hope it's at least fast.

Chapter Text

You urge the horse into a gallop as Loop screams behind you. They made a stupid pun and you decided that their punishment will be speed. You laugh as they are unable to move to a more secure position. They are forced to latch onto you in place of a proper seating position. They were making a joke of sitting in a princess pose on account of their skirt. 

Once the horse has smoothed its gait out and got the chance to properly focus on speed it becomes easier to hold on. Loop takes the opportunity to put their knees on the saddle bags. They secure themselves with their hands on your shoulders. 

“Faster, Stardust!!” They shout as they get comfortable. 

You don't need to be told twice as you tuck in more and urge the horse into a faster run. You think it was as difficult as it was before because it wanted to go fast. Now that it had a chance to run it had started to listen properly and didn't try and buck or shake them.

The two of you had given the excuse of scouting so you could go ahead. You didn't need to for any reason. Both of you wanted to see how fast a horse could run. What if you cast speed craft on it?

You decade that's a bad idea as you let the horse settle back into a more comfortable canter. It must be tired from the sprinting. You lean back a little as Loop resumes their princess sitting. You two keep an eye on the woods around you as you move ahead. The group was going to make it to another town by nightfall so there was no need to find a spot to set up camp later in the day. 

You were, however, asked to find a spot to take a break whenever you could so that was the current idea. In about an hour you would need to find a spot to rest. Both the team and the horses would need to be in good shape to make the whole trip to Bambouche. 

You sigh and glance back to see the figures of your team trailing behind. You are on one of the larger paths for the safety of the horses. There are no other travellers out at the moment. The problem with the past town and the sudden unfreezing must have had an effect. 

Speaking of effect, there is a shuffling in the trees. Both you and Loop look over quickly, looking for the source. A sadness or two reveal themselves as they slink out of the trees. 

You hop off of the horse at the same time as Loop, steadying it. You both face your goopy attackers and draw your daggers. The two of you silently snap for a speed boost and start working on each sadness. Applying the necessary bolstering craft to each other.

Siffrin and the team show up a short moment after ready to assist. You were more than capable of dealing with the sadnesses but the help was nice. Smart One and Faithful One stay near Young One. Strong One takes the offensive, targeting the piercing type sadnesses. Siffrin joins the fray with the two of you and you work like a well oiled machine. 

That is until one sneaks up on Siffrin. You forget about how much stronger you and Loop are. A rock attack that would do little more than wind the two of you sends him flying. You barely blink before you're instinctively tackling the sadness. Loop gets to Siffrin with healing craft as you finish off the sadness. 

You watch as he sits up with a pained smile. Relief floods through you as you get off of the melting sadness corpse. You wander over a little late to the others that have crowded him to check. Faithful One helps Loop with the healing craft. 

Smart One starts to lecture them about paying attention and being more careful as you turn away. Your memory of before the loops is almost non-existent. Even you know that that was a lot of them. The sadnesses have never really grouped up like that, not as intensely. 

“That blinding king,” you huff, catching the attention of Faithful One. 

“What does he have to do with this?” She asks. 

“His goal was to forever preserve Vaugarde,” you explain. “The county was kind to him so he wanted to give them the gift of eternity. In reality he has destroyed it.” 

“Youre talking about how many sadnessess there was aren’t you?” Strong One comments. 

“I had hoped they would all be gone,” Faithful One sighs. 

“It is likely to get better over time, Mirabell,” Smart One reasures. “The unfreezing of a country was bound to have this effect.” 

“If you three can use ‘wish craft’,” Young One starts, you feel dread pool in your gut. “Can’t you just wish for everyone to be happy again?” 

You watch as they flinch at the looks that the three of you give them. They nervously shuffle as you watch them horrified. You try to think about why exactly that sentence makes you think that way. You think it has something to do with when you were younger but the specifics aren't coming to you. 

“I’m sorry,” you break out of the moment first. “I believe that was a cultural faux pas.” 

“Understatement of the century,” Loop comments. “You can’t do something like that, kid.” 

“Thoughts like that are dangerous,” Sriffrin shivers a little as he heaves himself up. “You can’t will The Universe in a way that will affect others like that… you can't control how it will do it.” 

“What can it do?” They ask looking genuinely confused. 

“It’s completely up to The Universe how the wish is fulfilled,” Siffrin explains with a sad smile. “Let's start with this: how would you define happiness?” 

You watch as Young One takes a moment to think. The others all look on curiously as Siffrin takes the lead. Again. Always leading, never that good at it.

“It’s feeling good?” They rack their brain for an answer, “Like when I’m hanging out with my family! And I get to cook for you all! Or, or when Nille gives me a hug!” 

“Okay, those are all things that make you happy,” Siffrin breathes in and out. “Do they always make you happy? I don't know about Nille but I know that we have upset you once or twice.” 

“You have…” They try to follow along. “But that's okay! You all still make me happy!” 

“But not all of the time,” Siffrin interrupts. “The Universe will not see it the same way you would. You must be careful of what you ask for. Think about how it can be misinterpreted more than properly understood.” 

Young One has a face of understanding before they look a little sad. They give a little apology as they look down at their feet. You panic more as you watch them get sad. You can't let them be upset! It’s your fault! Fix it!

“It’s okay, Young One,” you try as they look up finally. “It's normal for someones first wish to go wrong unless taught properly. This is why the Luminary are typically responsible for managing larger wishes. For example, when I was younger, I wished to see my ✦✧✦✧✦✧. I was always told not to wish on my own but I never listened.

“The problem with my wish was that the person I wanted to see was volunteering in the Infirmary… The Universe decided to grant me my wish in an interesting way. That night Mum had decided to make us parfaits. Pineapple parfaits. I wasn't allergic before that, and it wasn't as bad back then. It was enough to land me in a bed, I was able to see ✦✧✦✧✦✧ in the end… 

“It’s funny, we had gotten the pineapple…

“We…

“What was I talking about?” You ask as you look around. 

You were in a field with several dead sadnesses still stubbornly refusing to dissolve. You were facing Young One directly, they looked at you with concern. Smart One was writing stuff down in her book as Strong One and Faithful One looked concerned. 

You look over to Siffrin and Loop who both looked just about as lost. You immediately clue in to what happened and sigh. The hollowness in your chest feels unfortunately familiar. 

“We should get going,” you decide to end the awkward moment. “Siffrin, are you going to be okay to keep going?” 

He breaks out of his trance at the direct address. He takes a moment to gain his bearings again and gives a little thumbs up. You snatch Loops hand on the way back to your horse. The others have started up a quiet conversation that you ignore as you set off again. Loop finally decides to voice their opinion. 

“The kid,” they mumble, “do you think we asked that question once?” 

You try to think back, not to the time you may have asked but when they said something. The effects of the memory loss messes with the entire conversation. You vaguely remember the fear you felt hearing that question. 

“I don't know,” you respond honestly, “We may have asked something similar? No way of knowing.” 

“Right…” They trail off before snorting. “No wonder we forgot about our pineapple allergy… 

“...wait.” 

You pause at the same time. The story you told, you still remember some of it. Not the details but the message, the idea… what brought it up. 

“Smart One,” you turn around to address her directly. 

“Yes?” She looks up cautiously. 

“Can I have the notes you made about the stories we’ve told?” you ask, letting the horse fall back to walk beside hers. 

“Only if you tell me what you discover,” she goes to pull the book out anyway. 

“No promises~~!” you wink and take the book to look through the entries. 

Smart One has added the incident where she told you about the entries. She has also quickly scribbled the story you just told in there. You look at the different stories and try to think. The only one you really have anything on is the recent one. The others bring up nothing, no recognition. 

You move over to Siffrin and offer him the book and let them read the stories. He reads through them before his eyes widen. You smirk at the realization clear as day on their face. 

“Moonlight,” you continue to smirk, “are you able to remember any of those stories?” 

“The four that I recognised before,” He starts. “I only remember the time, not the story. This one, I can still remember it… It’s how we became allergic to pineapples.”  

“Oh Change!” Faithful One looks happy, “you can remember it!? I’m so happy for you!”  

“I guess,” he mumbles, thinking about it more before he winces in pain. 

“Don’t break that brain just yet, Moonlight~!” Loop sings as you urge the horse forward again. 

You listen idly as the others chat about what happened. Strong One makes the suggestion to get back into sparing. If they no longer had to be rested for the trip to Dormont then being prepared for the increased amount of sadness was the best course of action. You agreed with the sentiment but remained unsure about whether you should participate. 

You were afraid of showing off your strength with your family. These people aren't them… but they say that they are. Are you really comfortable with letting them know just how much of a monster you are? Regardless of how you have to act to defend them you don't want to draw attention to it. 

You will always use all of the strength required to protect them. It's somehow different from fighting them. If they know how you are practically unstoppable then they might be afraid of you. 

“We should take a break here,” Smart One announces as she dismounts the horse. 

You and Loop follow along wordlessly. The two of you work on the horse, making sure it’s fed and watered. Loop takes time to brush it down, taking care to tame its mane. 

“Never took you for a ‘horse girl’,” you comment with a wink. 

“Horse girl!?” They shout incredulously. 

“Sorry, horse ‘person’,” you correct. 

“ Stars , you know that is not the point,” they sigh and put the brush away. 

You just snicker as you find a nice tree to sit under. Loop follows behind as you pull out a book and start reading. The team work on their own horses and get lunch prepared before they sit down in the grass. You pull out a book and go to a section about wish craft. Loop notices the subject huffs and looks away. 

You know that they no longer like the craft. You have your own reservations about it. For some reason you can't find it in yourself to really hate it. It was your fault after all. That whole time loop problem came out of you making a selfish wish. The torture you went through after you forgot the wish wasn't as much your fault. You still can't blame the craft, nor The Universe. 

You are interrupted in your reading by an elbow to your side. You glare over at Loop as they look pointedly at the group. You find Faithful One helping Siffrin with their hair. The scene makes your eye sting immediately. 

You remember the only really good parts of the loops. The snack times on those golden runs, the ‘family’ runs. The times that you and your family actually felt like one. The first time that it happened you were over the moon . You were so hopeful that you could keep that that you never had a doubt. You never had the inkling of a thought of failure. Waking up the next loop was one of the worst ones. Waking up in that blinding field. 

You spend so much time in your head that you don't notice that everyone is done eating. Strong One gets up with a smile as he places his gloves on. He shouts something about sparing and it's your turn to elbow Loop. 

“Whaaat!?” They drawl, “want another chance to beat me?” 

“Possibly,” you smirk, “if you're up to it.” 

“I’d love a chance to pitch you as far as I can,” they get up.

The others have started their own game not paying attention to the two of you. You both walk far enough away to be able to really move. You smirk a little at the excitement of a spar. 

“Rules?” you ask. 

“Awee~~~” Loop wines a little as they stretch. “I was hoping for the opportunity to finally kill you.” 

“In your dreams,” you smirk back. “Simple rules: no weapons, no killing each other and go till the other taps out.” 

“Sounds good to me,” they finish stretching and get into a fighting stance. 

You take a deep breath and do the same. As you are thinking about the best way to approach this fight they launch at you. You knew that they were itching for another chance to fight you but this was a bit much. You dodge out of the way and get into the flow. With no weapons it's more of a game of tag. 

A punch here, a dodge there, a kick back. You feel a smile on your face as you see one of theirs. 

You start to see the pattern that they fight with. It's not hard as it's the same as yours. You watch as they start to zone out, to fight idly instead of actively. You reinforce their rhythm by moving a little more predictably before snapping speed craft into your system and dodging one of their kicks. 

In one swift motion you grab their ankle to your side and hold them there. They blink back to reality as they realize that they're stuck. They return the smirk after a moment and they suddenly twist in your hold. They bring their other leg up with a swing and roll as you drop them. The attack does not land but they are free to move again. 

“That was dirty,” they mutter. 

“Hardly,” you huff back. 

They rush you again, this time with a little more energy that you gladly match. They catch you in a choke hold only for you to throw them over your shoulder. The fight begins again. You can tell that the two of you aren't going to have the energy to keep going much longer so you decide to end it. 

Whether you win or lose, there will be an ending. You duck under one of their kicks, getting as close as you can. While they are recovering you send a punch with a little rock craft into their stomach. The momentum sends you past them as they double over from the hit. 

You shove them to the ground, they send a blast of piercing craft in your direction. You dodge it easily, they roll over to their back. Before they have the chance to do anything you are on top of them. You restrain their hands and see the resignation form over their face. They just huff and tap the ground twice. 

“Stardust,” they start, a little out of breath. “We have an audience~!” 

You startle as you realize the position you’re in. You hop up and offer a hand for them to get up. You look over to where the others were watching with awe. 

You just give an awkward wave spurring Siffrin to run towards you. He stops before you and looks super excited. 

“Can you teach me to fight like that!?” He practically vibrates with excitement. 

You understand it to a degree. If you saw how powerful the two of you were at the beginning of the loops you would be stoked. You smirk at him as he dawns a face of horror. You swiftly move forward, shoulder into his stomach as you grab him around the waist. 

You lift him up over your shoulder instead of throwing or tackling him. He shouts surprise as you hold him like a sack of potatoes. Loop laughs at him and you hear some raspberries exchanged. 

“Put me down!” He shouts. 

“Sure thing,” You lean back and let them fall over your back. 

Siffrin shouts as he's unceremoniously dumped onto the ground. You hear a snicker or two from the team as he gets up and fixes his hat. 

“That was rude,” he huffs and you laugh a little, pushing his hat around. 

“Children,” Smart One stops you two from fighting more, “we should keep moving if we want to make it to an inn in time.” 

“Yes ma'am~!” The three of you say in an almost uncomfortable unison. 

“You two didn't eat!” Young one shouts after a moment, running over to hand the two of you food. 

You look down at the sandwich you have been handed skeptically. You forgot that was something you would have to do regularly again. The concept of eating at regular intervals was weird. You remember never having to worry about that after a while, your body got reset anyway. 

“Thank you, b-” you catch it quickly. 

They give you a concerned look but you just rush to attend to your horse. You ignore everyone as you set off in the lead. Loop if giving you a look, one you don't appreciate so you pull out a book. You can pretend to be busy reading so they don't bother you. Your focus is largely on the area around you but you let your wandering mind read a little. 

You’re reading the craft book from the secret library, the one in your language. The technical terms give you a headache but lots of it is familiar as you continue to read. You wonder why The Universe is letting you hang onto this. Does it have something to do with Siffrin’s dream? You wonder if it’s leading you to something. 

You get to a section of basic and simple wish craft called ‘divination’ as you see the town in the distance. You put a fold at the top of the page and put the book away to focus on the path. You hop off the horse and let the team pass you as they arrange a place for the horses to stay. 

Being the saviours of Vaugarde has its perks as people are willing to help. They mention the supplies in the town are low due to the uptick in sadnesses. The defenders of this town were enough to keep them at bay luckily. The team is exhausted as they sort out the room situation. 

Smart One gets her own room with one bed. Faithful One and Young One get another single bed room. The rest of you have to sort out one of the larger rooms. 

You and Loop take the bed near the window immediately as the two of you flop face first. You are just about to get up before a third flops down on the bed too. You hear a snicker from Strong one as you look at Siffrin in between you two. 

“Do you mind?” You mutter. 

“I don’t.” 

“Moonlight,” Loop smirks, “you’re going to make your fighter jealous!” 

There's a strangled noise from behind you as you laugh again. You have been doing that more than you thought you would. You properly help Loop shove Siffrin off of the bed and get up. The room has a bathroom, you quickly take that. 

It has been a while since you got to experience a hot shower. You avoid the mirror as you get ready. 

Once you are clean enough you get right back into the same clothes. The cloak keeps you warm despite you being a little damp. You exit the washroom with mostly dry hair and Loop takes the space to do the same thing. 

SIffrin and Strong One must have left to hang out with the team. You just sigh and sit down with your book. Reading instead of thinking, that will always be nice. Loop joins you once they're done, sitting silently beside you. 

“Do you think…” they start and you snort. 

“Rarely.” the joke causes them to hit you. 

“Do you think there is a chance that they would accept us?” Loop asks, you wouldn't use the words but the idea is received. 

“They seem convinced enough,” You idly mumble, flipping a page. “I refuse to have hope, not again. Never again.” 

“They aren't the same people,” Loop starts after a moment of thinking. “They aren't the same but we aren't either. The ‘family’ we each had wouldn't even exist if we were back in our own timelines. Based on our memory, the family we had only existed in our minds.” 

They ramble for a moment before falling silent again. You think about what they're saying. It makes sense, as much as it gives you dreadful hope it makes you all the more sad. The people you loved and were loved by never existed. Not in the way you wanted them to. 

“I don't know, Loop.” You sigh. “I don't know what to do.” 

“At least that feeling is mutual.” They slide down so they are lying under the blankets on their side facing the window. 

The two of you wait in silence for the other two to return. They bring snacks as you skip a meal again. You eat and head off to bed, not falling asleep for a while. Instead your brain gives you twisted and warped memories of your family. 

You close your eyes and dreams treat you much the same.

Chapter Text

It has been just over a week and a half since the king was frozen. The group had been focusing on making it to Bambouche as quickly as they could. You had spent as much of that time as possible not interacting with anyone. Trying to drown yourself in the books you got before. Trying to forget that nagging voice in your mind that refused to let up.

Of those books, the craft book had taken most of your attention. You were mildly interested in studying time craft more. The idea that you could still use it to a lesser degree was interesting on its own. You felt a little too much like the king every time you thought of practicing it so you let it go. Shelving that idea for another time when you were bored or desperate enough.

There was another, more interesting form of forgotten craft that you have found. It was completely built on knowledge discovered by the islanders. The calculations for the very functions of the worlds around them. Vaugarde and other countries had some of these theories but not to the same degree. One of the concepts was ‘gravity’. The downward force that kept them from floating aimlessly in space. The very concept that kept everything in place in the Universe. 

The actual calculations and reasoning would require a book more specialized in the concept. One that you have no doubt would go over your head at the moment. But back to the craft book; there was a craft skill built on the idea of manipulating that force. One similar to time craft but much more tame. Instead of altering an object's time it explored modifying the effects of gravity on something. You could theoretically make something float or sink. 

You sigh as you sit under a tree and think about casting it. It might be stupid but if recklessness wasn't something you have experience with… You have tested it on small rocks when no one was looking. You knew how to cast it but you weren’t confident. 

“Stardust,” Loop sighs at you, “you have something on your mind.” 

“Possibly,” you mutter. 

“Are you gonna tell your helpful friend Loop~?” 

“...” you just stare at them instead of answering. 

Their smirk drops a little as you stand. They just back up as you adopt your own smirk. 

“Stardust?” They squeak, “look I don't know what it was this time-! Have mercy!”

They shout as you build up the craft and release it. Loop covers their face for a moment before they panic more at becoming weightless. They flail around for a moment as you focus on not dropping them. The idea would be funny if it weren't for you actively trying to practice.

“STARDUST!!” They shout. “Put me down! How did you even manage this!?”

You snicker and set them down with a little more force than necessary. They walk up to where you're catching your breath and smack you. You just snicker a little more at the hit, it didn't hurt and you do suppose you deserve it. 

“MY TURN!! MY TURN!” Young One shouts as they run up to you. 

In the week or so that you've been around them you've become a little more comfortable. It was on and off, you and Loop would snap at them occasionally but they never seemed to stay away. You sigh and prepare to cast the craft. 

Loop walks up behind Young One as they float a little off the ground. They're already giggling as Loop grabs them under the elbows and chucks them upward. You barely get the chance to panic as you keep them at a gentle decent. They are unbothered as they float down slowly.

“Za, Dile, Belle, Frin!” Young One gets the others’ attention. “I’m flying! THIS IS SO COOL!!” 

There's a mix of reactions as you slowly set the kid on the ground again. Strong One is stoked about the discovery, he cheers the younger on. Faithful One and Smart One both look concerned. Siffrin looks on with excitement at the craft. 

You take another deep breath and feel the exhaustion of a newly learnt craft. You were sure that if you practiced you could become more proficient in it. Currently, you feel like you just ran all the way around the island… What?

“What was that?” Smart One asks, interrupting your thoughts. 

“Another forgotten advanced craft?” You shrug as she stares, “It’s hard to explain, most of it is built on islander research.” 

“Make an attempt,” she pulls out her book to write down notes.  

You sigh and grab your coin. Rolling it between your fingers a few times. The others are watching with interest as you move. You suddenly toss the coin and catch it. 

“When I throw the coin,” you start, “what happens?” 

“It falls!” Young one shouts excitedly.

You smirk at the faces of confusion on the others faces but continue. “Correct, the coin falls. That is caused by a force called ‘gravity’ or the force of pull between objects. The more mass an object has the more pull it has. I can’t really explain more without a proper book, my memory is fuzzy on the concept.” 

“So this ‘gravity’ is researched on the island?” Strong One interprets. “I’m sure that I've heard a theory or two on this from other places.” 

“Correct again,” you try to think more about it but come up mostly blank. “There are mathematical calculations to measure and predict it. That would be above the knowledge I have… Again. The craft, however, is called ‘gravity craft’.” 

You roll the coin around again and throw it, catching it with the craft. The ritual for this craft is a mostly flat hand with the pointer finger curled back. You feel the exhaustion increase as you stop the coin in its descent. You let it float for a moment before dropping it into your hand again. 

“Interesting,” Smart One continues to write in her book. “You aren't directly causing the object to float. You are just altering the effect ‘gravity’ has on it.” 

“More or less,” you shrug. “I’ve had enough time with this book to learn most of it. Too bad there’s no more types of craft in it.” 

“That's impressive,” Faithful One says with awe. “I never took you for the learning type.” 

“Ouch,” Loop smiles as she squeaks and apologizes. 

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that!”

“One of us had to eventually fulfill our role,” Siffrin mutters, catching everyone's attention. 

“Our role?” you question as they stammer. 

“I-I don’t know,” he stammers a little as he panics. “Something about our fate? I can't think of the specifics but I know we were meant to research this. We were… ah- ‘ destined’ to study and research… and something else…” 

The word doesn't translate but that isn't a problem for the two of you who speak the language. You try to think about what they're talking about. You curse your sluggish mind, barely allowing you to recall the vaguest details. You suppose that it's nice you can even remember anything. 

“That kind of sounds like a housemaden’s role,” Faithful One comments and Loop snaps. 

“That's it!” They must have thought of something, “it's not the same thing and I can't remember the name-” 

“‘Luminary’ I believe,” Smart One interrupts and you barely recognise the word. 

“Luminary,” Loop ponders, “they are something similar to the housemaidens of Vaugarde. We may have been training to be one of those… Who knows~~?”

They sing song the words with a bit of hidden emotion. You ponder the words. You just shrug and turn to go grab your book and get ready. 

“We have been here long enough,” Smart One gets the message as she goes to mount her horse. “We will be camping tonight and arriving in Bambouche tomorrow afternoon.” 

All of you have grown weary from the fast paced travels. All except Young One, they are vibrating with excitement. You get back on your horse that you've become quite familiar with over the week’s travel. You two take up the rear as Strong One and Young One take the lead. 

The last four days, there has been a rotating system. The rest of them realized that you and Loop had been leading out of pure habit from the loops. They don't want you two doing anything that's too similar to the loops when they can avoid it. Something about a funny smile and weird eyes as they say. You don't notice it, you feel fine.

You zone out as Loop leads the horse. You properly lean on them as they lean back. The two of you have been content in each other's quiet company. A constant from the loops that you find comforting. When everything else is changing and everything is happening too fast. Loop is still here. 

You are almost grateful for the continued ability to zone out. Loop does the same thing. The others look at you two with concern every time they see you do it. They say it's not a good habit, dissociation they call it. Both you and Loop shrugged off their concerns. 

You barely remember when the team stops for the night, you help with the tents and Loop helps with food. Siffrin keeps their original job of collecting wood. The others had realized that you and Loop did not have a role. They fixed that on the third night of travel.

Once everything is set up you are hit with a gust of air. It comes from the nearby ocean. The salty smell assaults your nose, it’s as comforting as it is distressing. You're pulled out of your thoughts as Young One hands you a plate. 

You have gotten better at eating the correct amount of food. It's still hard with the taste problem. Rarely can you actually taste frood, it almost always tastes like ash. You know for a fact that that is just you and not their cooking. You have not mentioned this problem out loud. It's not that important. 

You’re still exhausted from your craft experiments earlier in the day. If you plan on doing more tomorrow you will need proper rest. You bid everyone goodnight and plop into the tent meant for you and Loop. Everyone had decided that was the best sleeping solution. The two of you were better at dealing with eachother’s nightmares. 

Loop comes in after a short while and settles down. The two of you have a silent routine for sleeping. They get their half done slowly and lie down properly. The sleeveless shirt they wear with the star cutout and regular pants is their sleep clothes. You just wear the lightless clothes you have always worn under your cloak. Turns out they're a little different from Siffrins. He has less frills and thinner sleeves. Your clothes are overall more flowy. 

You find Loop’s hand and drift off to sleep. 

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

Young One is up before everyone else, making sure breakfast is ready as soon as possible. They are excitedly packing up before everyone can even finish up their food. You smile at the eagerness they show and try to do your best to get ready as fast as you can. 

Before long the group is on the road again. The last stretch before resting for a while. The temperature has been dropping a little. This part of the world only experienced a short amount of winter. The colder nights made camping less than pleasant though. 

Everyone has expressed their desire to rest somewhere for a good bit. The chance to really relax after everything. Bambouche was the perfect place to do it. It was considered a beautiful spot; the town was small enough to not be crazy. However, it is large enough to have a proper inn and House of Change. Young One had mentioned that there were a lot of Defenders there. 

You had assumed it was due to the town being an old trading port. It was reasonable for the facilities there to be well built. Something nags at your brain that you can't quite sort out. 

You blink and suddenly you're descending a small hill towards a village right against the ocean. You stare for a moment, taking in the view. Loop leans around you to get a good view as well. Gasping as they look out into the ocean. They point past you, a little higher up. 

You follow their direction and see the mass. It's a large and distant mass that gives you a headache to look at. The thing is covered in a thick fog that shifts weirdly. 

“There it is, I suppose,” you mutter. “I forgot how close we would be.” 

“So did I,” they respond. 

You are about to talk more about it before you're distracted. You watch as Strong One urges his horse into a gallop at Young One’s request. The others follow along, your horse sees the challenge as it is and launches without permission. 

The two of you have become well accustomed to the horse and just hold on. You skirt around the town as Young One guides the group. Next thing you know the group is standing a good distance away from a small cottage. The place looks worse for wear but well used. 

Young One walks up to the door and pauses. They turn back to the rest of you with a worried look. You give them a little smile as you are sure the rest do. Loop grips onto your arm as they watch from behind your shoulder. 

Young One knocks a specific tune into the door and it's practically thrown open. They were smart enough to jump back as the door opens outward. There's a muscly and familiar looking young lady that scoops them into a hug. You're sure she must have shouted something but it was lost in the sobs. 

You regret not being able to send a letter. The postal system was in shambles when you tried. It was faster to just get here than send a message. 

The two of them are hugging on the ground in front of the house. Young One clinging to their sister and Petronille hugging back. She looks up after a moment and startles as she sees your group. 

“OH! NILLE!” Young one turns around a little in her grip. “I found more family members!” 

“Did you?” she looks apprehensive as she stands up, “The name’s, Petronille. Thank you for keeping my Bug safe.” 

The group takes that as an invitation to approach the two. Bonnie stays in her arms as she shifts them to one of her hips. You didn't know what to expect from her. She has overalls wrapped around her waist and a darkless tank top. Her hair was two braids on either shoulder. The was just shorter than Smart One but she was muscly. She didn't have nearly the size that Strong One did, but similar definition. 

“That's Dile, Za, Belle, Frin, Eclipse and Loop,” Young One points to all of you. 

“Odile,” she smiles. “Researcher from Ka Bue, pleasure to meet you.” 

“Isabeau,” he takes the next turn. “Ex Defender, I’m glad to see that you're safe.” 

“Mirabelle,” she claps her hand, “Housemaiden of Dormont, Bonnie has been a delight to assist.” 

“Siffrin,” they mumble. 

“Eclipse,” you take your opportunity. 

“Loop,” they awkwardly wave. 

“It’s not spacious or really tidy but, please,” She moves to walk into the house. “You must all be tired from travelling.”   

Everyone trails into the house and Young One is set down. Smart One, and Faithful One take a small couch. Strong One takes a seat on the floor with the rest of you. Pertonille and Young One take up an armchair. 

“Oh and Nille it was so cool!” They continue their ramble, “when we defeated the king-” 

“What!?” she interrupts them, glaring at the rest of you. 

“Boniface did not fight the king,” Smart One corrects. “They were safe from every fight and well protected.” 

You wince with guilt but continue to let the others do the talking. 

“Yeah!” They cheer again, “I was never allowed to fight. The adults said it was dangerous, I was a snack leader!” 

“You took a kid into the House of Dormont!?” That wasn't enough to settle her anger.

“I assure you,” Strong One tries next. “If we had a better choice we would have taken it.” 

“Dormont got frozen while we stormed the house,” Loop surprisingly comments. “If we left them there they would have been frozen… alone.” 

“Not to mention they would have gone in the house anyway,” Faithful One chimes in. “I’m sorry that we had to do that but it was safer when we knew where they were.” 

“Being frozen would be better than being dead!” She shouts. 

“I would never ,” Siffrin sounds quite upset, “let them get hurt.”  

“As if I would trust your word,” she spits, causing the three of you to flinch. 

“Nille!?” Young One shouts, “why are you being a crab!?” 

“You’re too young,” she explains, “you can't trust people like that.”

“Like what!?” Now it's your turn to get heated. 

“Let me ask you a question,” she starts, Young One has hopped out of her lap as she confronts you. “The others all introduced themselves with their purpose… What’s yours? All three of you.” 

“Travelers,” you mutter, you want to say wanderer but stop yourself. 

“From where?” she asks and you do not answer, “ to where?”

The silence that takes over the room is thick enough to be cut with a knife. You are sure she is just upset that her kid sibling went through all of that. You know that she is just scared of them getting hurt. And she's right, you didn't protect them. You remember the king, the hand, the screams…

“Nille! You crab !” Young one shouts properly, tears rolling down their face. “They lost an eye for me! How could you even say that!?” 

That was enough to break her out of her thoughts as she stared at Siffrin. The only one with an eyepatch. Your scar was covered mostly by hair and the hat. Loop actually had two eyes. Her eyes widen as the realization hits her. The room is silent as you turn to the door. 

All of this is too much, you hear the other two follow behind you as you make it out of the room. That encounter was horrible for all three of you for completely different reasons. Siffrin sends a quick be right back as you all leave. 

“Well that went fantastically ,” Loop huffs. 

“I never expected her to be that mad,” Siffrin hums. 

“She has every right to be,” you sigh. “We didn't always keep them as safe as we could.” 

“That wasn't your fault,” Loop knows what you're referring to. 

“That's not what you said before,” you huff and remember the horses that have been left to chill. “Let's get these guys to the House.” 

The three of you take the packs off of the horses and take them to the house. The fresh air and quiet is good for your brain. The House thankfully accepts the horses and you all are on your way. There was a plan to get a room at an inn tonight. You three work on that too. 

By the time all of the stuff is safely in a room it's starting to get late. You three leave a message for the others at the inn and make your way through a market for something to snack on. The three of you wander over to a set of inactive docs and take a seat. 

No one talks as you all sit and watch. None of you even talk about what happened. You just relax. It's nice, you feel your breathing perfectly sync with the waves. 

“We should go back,” Siffrin comments, “they must be worried.” 

“We should,” you huff as you get up. 

“Back to the stage,” Loop grumbles. 

You resist the urge to shove them in the ocean as you all walk back to the inn. They have not made it there yet so you all walk back Nille’s house. The three of you hesitate at the door as you arrive. You don't get the chance to knock as Young One comes bursting out. 

They shout wordlessly and wrap the three of you in a hug. You all stand a little awkwardly, not sure what to do. They look up with tears in their eyes. 

“I’m sorry!” They shout. 

“Don’t apologise, kid,” Loop is the first to break out of their stupor and pat them on the head properly. 

“They're right,” Nille comes out of the house. “I shouldn't have gotten mad.” 

You see Smart One farther in the house looking stern. Nille must have gotten a talking to once you all left. You wait for her to continue, she takes a breath. 

“I shouldn't have accused you guys,” She sighs. “I guess I was worried about Bug… and a little jealous.” 

“It’s alright,” Siffrin responds, the most sound of mind out of the three of you. “In a way I understand, I would do anything for them.” 

“Including losing an eye,” she mumbles. 

She doesn't even know half of the things you would do for your family. Maybe one day, but that day is not today. 

“Where did you three even go?” Strong One chimes once there's a lull. 

“We brought the horses to the House,” Siffrin starts with a proud smile. “All of our stuff is at the inn and we went to sit at one of the docks.” 

“You like the ocean?” Nille asks. 

“We do,” You answer, “you asked where we came from.” 

“You really don't have to answer,” she looks nervous. 

“We came from that island,” You point out into the ocean that is currently visible. “We don't talk about it because we can’t remember it.”

“Oh…” She looks somehow even more guilty, “sorry again for getting mad.” 

“Apologies are done!” Young One shouts, “IT’S DESSERT TIME!” 

You smile at them as they pull the three of you back into the house. The team does not stay much longer that night. The time that you do it's a lot more comfortable than before. Everyone has a smile on their faces as Young One talks about their adventures. 

They do not mention the origin of you and Loop, that can happen another time. You wave at the two as the rest of the team leaves to the rooms you got for them. Smart One had agreed to share a larger room with Faithful One. They each had a bed. You and Loop shared your own room. Strong One and Siffrin had the last room to themselves. 

You take the time tonight to clean yourself and your clothes. One of the towns you had passed through you had gotten a second set of clothes. Siffrin had a set but you didn't feel like stealing that.

You fall asleep with damp hair and clean clothes… You see a familiar lightless figure.

Chapter Text

Your eye snaps open as you sit up. You had expected to be screaming when waking up from a dream like that. However, the opposite is true: your mouth is glued shut and your throat closed. You barely make a sound as you try to focus on breathing. In and out. Innnnn and ouuuuuuuut. 

Phewww.

You look back and forth to take in the room you are currently in. You barely remember the inn that you are staying at. The unfamiliar walls come as a comfort as you grapple with the reality of your dream. The universe was so kind as to warn you. Or so cruel to let you know that you will never be able to rest. The real reason was up for interpretation. 

The shadows of the room you are in move slightly in the corner of your vision. Maybe you have truly lost your mind… Maybe this was just you finally going crazy. It certainly felt like it. You were sure to kill that thing before so why ? Why do you see lightlessness and darkless features when you close your eye? Why do you feel those frozen cold hands on your shoulders? 

A quiet whimpering broke your thoughts loose from your skull. You look over to the other bed in the room and see Loop curled up on themselves. They have a face of pain as they grip at anything their hands can reach. 

You don't even take a moment to think before you are walking over to them. Sitting on the bed you gently place a hand in their shorter hair. Their face softens a little before they reach out for you. In their sleep they wrap both of their arms around your middle. 

You get pulled down to a lying position as they shove their face into your chest. Once they've settled enough you return your hand to patting their hair. Your other hand gently rubs their back as their breathing settles out. 

“What are we to do now, Polaris ?” You murmur.

They do not respond in their sleep but hug you a little tighter. You look over at the window and see that the sun has yet to come up. Closing your eye still does not sound like a desirable next step. But it’s not like you have a choice in this situation. 

You steal the pillow that they are no longer using and settle properly. Might as well wait until they decide to wake up. Your mind tends to wander but now it is comfortably blank. The comforting pressure around your middle keeps you bound to the present. Sighing, you let your blank mind fade. 

Seconds pass, minutes feel like sand through your fingers. You can imagine an hourglass filled with that lightless sand that the king talked about. The room starts to get brighter as you feel Loop stur. 

“What the-?” They googly push back before they see what's happening. “How is Universe's name did you get here!?”

“Ask yourself that,” you shrug with a smug smirk, “I didn’t get a choice.”

“ Stars blind it, ” they grumble before shoving you, hard. “Get off of me you leach!” 

You barely get a chance to think before you're blinking up at the sealing from the ground. Loop leans over the side of the bed to laugh at you as you just glare. They roll back into the safety of the bed as you reach up to swipe at them. Giggling more as they get up to start getting ready. 

You take a moment to get up while grumbling, “ungrateful star .” 

“How rude!” They place a hand on their chest in mock offence. “Stardust, how could you call me that!?” 

“Easily,” you grumble as you grab a pillow and chuck it at them. 

They stubble with an ‘ack’ as they get hit. Before they can turn around to retaliate you already have your cloak on and hat in your hand. The window is opened as you place a hand on the sill to hop out. Loop shouts in concern as you use gravity craft to slow your fall. 

“Stardust!” They shout, half out of the window. “Where are you even going!?” 

“For a walk,” you start walking away, “don't miss me too much~!” 

They slam the window closed with frustration. You make your way towards the docks. You don't really have a plan at the moment other than being alone. A simple fact crosses your mind as you change your trajectory a little. The docs will be packed this early in the morning. You opt for a small section of beach outside of the small coastal town. 

Walking through the slowly waking up town is comforting. There are a few stores that have already opened up. Market stalls that are getting ready. The smell of fresh bread and other products available for those too busy to get breakfast. Vaugarde was always strange, sweet pastries and the like was a common breakfast. You weren't sure what was supposed to be common where you're from. That island is just across the water, so close yet farther away than ever. You glance out into the water as you approach a beach. You can still see the fog that would have once been your home. 

Your steps among the sand feel natural, somehow the heels don't slow you down. Your body naturally favours the balls of your feet to not sink into the sand. Walking along the sand for a while before the sound of the town fades away. Once you are sure that you will be hard to spot you take a seat in the sand. The tide is low as you sit on slightly wet sand. The feeling doesn't deter you in the slightest. 

There's quiet footsteps that had been following you since you were properly alone. They approach and the figure sits in the sand. You don't bother to look over at it. 

“There it is,” you speak aloud, “what are you going to do about it?” 

The figure does not respond, you are not surprised. 

“Why are you back?” you try again. 

It -yet again- rewards you with silence as you finally look over. The sadness had been looking at you. Pure darkless eyes boring into your soul. The spirals in the eyes are almost as mesmerizing as they are unsettling. The sadness just watches, it looks smaller like it did before. This time though, it has both eyes. It looks like you must have when you first washed up in this country. 

You look back at the ocean and try to ignore the company that you have. The waves move in a familiar motion as you just watch them. The idea that you are actually here seems impossible to grasp. You're here, free. Your family is technically safe but not yours. Your wish was destroyed before you even got the chance to remember that you made it. 

You flop on your back and let your hat cover your face. The sadness is still watching you, you can feel it. 

“Mal,” you mutter, “what’s the point?” 

Asking your sadness to give you a purpose in life? How the mighty have fallen. 

“Point?” It parrots. 

“Hahah,” you laugh humorlessly, “so now you respond.” 

“There is no point,” it turns to look away. “Not when home is lost… there is no point in anything.” 

“Our home may not be accessible but the universe is still watching.” You don't know why you are defending your situation, you lift your hat to look at it.

“Watching, watching, watching.” It rocks side to side while sitting with crossed legs. “Deciding, ruining, watching, listening, watching, laughing, mocking, watching, breaking, failing, watching watching watchi- ROTTING!! FAILING, BREAKING, ROTTING!!”

The manic ramblings of the sadness make you pause. It begins giggling joyfully as it shakes and rocks. Looking like it's truly lost its mind… But so have you. You settle back into the sand, letting the breeze flow over you. 

It’s strange to sit here and relax with Mal du Pays. You understand that it is effectively a sadness. The things that attack mindlessly as is their nature. This one rarely attacks, for some reason it's different. You sigh again and close your eyes for a moment. Just as you do you hear a faint scream in the distance. 

You sit up and look over to find that Young One is sprinting towards you. They hold their wok in a pose to swing. The rest of the group that has come to find you hasn’t noticed Mal yet. 

You're too shocked at their approach to actually react as they make it close enough to swing. You watch as their pan swings clean through the sadness. The lightless cloud that it becomes floats in the direction of the island. Settling in the waves of the ocean and dissolving into the ocean spray. 

“SISI!!” they shout as they catch their breath. “Why were you hanging out with that crab!?” 

“Sisi?” You question instead of properly answering. 

“That's my new cool nickname for you!” They puff with their hands on their hips. “Eclipse was too long… Hey! That's not the point!” 

“Stardust,” Loop, being the fastest, catches up first. “You blinding fool, what was that?” 

“Not like I have a choice,” you mutter, looking back out at the ocean from your spot in the sand. 

“I don't know, you could have told someone,” they throw their hands in the air. “Or you could maybe not go off alone with that thing?” 

The others catch up finally. It was the whole group, Nille included.

“Eclipse,” Smart One starts and you just sigh. “Care to offer an explanation?” 

“I wanted to go for a walk,” you huff, “It followed along.” 

“That's all?” Strong One looks genuinely concerned, “Are you doing alright?” 

You don’t grace that question with a response. You just flop on your back and pull your hat over your eyes again. You don't know if you are right now. You can't give it a response without lying. How can you be truthful if you aren't sure? 

“I know what can make you feel better!” Young One cuts the silence, “You can join us on our tour! I wanted to find you to show off the town.” 

“Sure,” you get up off the sand stumbling a little as you get to your feet. 

The group is about to start walking behind Young One when you spot something. You immediately walk over to a spot in the sand and drive your heel in. It takes a specific movement to pry the thing out of the sand. Even more careful movements to pick it up without getting pinched. 

“Hey, Young One,” you smile as you turn around with your prize. “I have a gift for you.” 

You smirk as they screech at the crab you have in your hands. Siffrin looks at you a little distantly as Loop looks disappointed. 

“Stardust…” they sigh, “why?”

“But it's so easy to crab ,” you smirk. “I hope I haven't broken the claw.”

“NO!” Young One protests, “you have broken the law you cr-emi-nel,” 

“Criminal, Boniface.” 

“CRIMINAL!!” they correct and point at you. 

You just smirk and take a step towards them. Their eyes widen for a moment before they book it. You toss the crab into the water, another time you may have chased them. You feel quite tired at the moment.

Your distraction has worked quite well. No one seems to remember your little ‘friend’ from earlier. Loop, however, is a little harder to thwart. They don't bother you about it, they must know they won't get the answers they want.

The group follows along as Young One shows off the small town they grew up in. They show off their school and the House of Change in the town. Said building was a little busy as there were defenders going in and out. They had experienced a sadness problem when they were first freed. Now the tensions were high with the fear of the sadnesses attacking again. 

Young One takes everyone by the docks as they continue their tour. They talk about Nille and where she works. The younger woman looks a little embarrassed at the attention. You were aware that she had been supporting the family of two since she was young. Bonnie had talked about her in your loops. You assume that the same was true for Loop in some sense. Siffrin, however, never would have had the chance to learn that. He didn't look like he had clued in to the two’s whole story yet. That which was left unsaid.

The group moves on, all deciding to go back to the little cottage for lunch. Young One had made sure to let you know that they were mad at your skipping of breakfast. There was a snack offered during the tour once they forgave you for the crab. That was not enough in the end. They decided that you needed a whole meal to make up for it. 

So here you sit, in the backyard of the little cottage. The place that Nille had agreed to take care of for a family. They had practically given away the family home that they had no need for. Vaugarde was indeed too full of nice people. How do you make a culture completely built on kindness… 

What was your home like?

You watch Nille go towards a little shed to grab something. You decide that you want to try and help so you get up. 

“Would you like help?” you ask as you get close enough. 

You had forgotten that she was easy to startle. You walk near-silently… You BLINDING idiot.

She shouts and throws a trowel at you. You dodge the projectile easily with your hands up. She takes a moment for her eyes to clear and to see that it's just you. 

“Sor-” you try before you are interrupted. 

“OH CRAB!” She shouts, “I’m so sorry!! Are you okay!?”

“It’s fine,” you smile softly, “I apologise. Young One had once told me that you were easy to startle. I forgot, hahah.” 

The laugh at a joke that she wouldnt understand seems to confuse her more. She just stares at you blankly for a moment. You awkwardly move your hands to mess with the thick hair covering your bad eye. You need to get something to properly cover it.

“Bug talked about me?” She looks like she wants to cry. 

“I mean yes…?” you don't remember most of the beginning of the trip so you have to guess. “When we first found them they barely talked about anything from here. Once they got more comfortable and the wounds were not so fresh they would talk about you more.” 

“All good things, I hope,” she tries to smile. 

“Of course,” you smile genuinely. “They love you more than anything.” 

“Thanks,” she looks a little sad, you panic for a moment before she starts talking again. “I’m sorry again, for being so mad yesterday. I was so scared when I was unfrozen and I realized that Bug wasn't around. I was so afraid that I had been the reason they got lost or hurt or…” 

You don't think about their face. You don’t think about a hand… squeezing. You don't think about their screams. You don't think-

“And I get more scared when you make that face,” she interrupts your thoughts. “But isn't that selfish of me? I wasn't there and you were… Who am I to be mad about how you took care of my sibling? Not when I failed to do so myself.”

“If you didn’t do what you did they would have been frozen,” you reassure. “You practically raised them, don’t forget that. We just helped them along with our group. Don't discredit the effort and love you have given them.” 

“Thank you…” she looks genuinely happy about the words. Success! "You asked if I needed help?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you strong enough to lift these?” She hands you a bucket and you look at her with confusion. 

She chuckles for a moment at the face you make before she continues on. “I need to get water from the well, can you carry a bucket?” 

You look down at the bucket she handed you again and think. You don't know how much strength you want to show off. How much will take you from being reliable to being scary. The faces of your family flash through your mind. That turning point when you started to focus more on looking weak over being strong.

“If you can’t its fin-” 

“No,” you interrupt before clearing your throat. “I can carry two, do you have an extra pole?” 

She smiles before she hands you a second bucket and a pole. She has the same set up herself. Two buckets on either end of a pole and it over her shoulder. The two of you walk towards the nearby well to fill up the buckets. 

Their cottage was simple enough to not have proper facilities. You weren't one to judge but it was interesting. You were sure that played a part in the original owner's indifference towards the space. It must have been more work than it was worth to make the place better. It was still liveable but most would not want to deal with collecting water for their home like this.    

You don’t bother pretending to be weak as you fill up the buckets fully. Your appearances are less important than helping at this moment. Nille gives you a bit of a look, one that is more impressed than scared. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be strong,” she smirks. 

You just huff, “thanks.” 

“It’s a compliment,” she smiles properly, “you are quite sturdy.” 

“Had to be,” you leave it at that and she does too. 

The two of you make it back to the house in time for Young One to burst through the door. They must have been looking for you two as they smile as soon as they see you. 

“Nille! Sisi!” They greet, “I’m done with food you’re just in time!” 

“Can’t wait, Bug,” Nille calls back as you two walk to the back of the house. “Put it there and I’ll deal with the rest.” 

You do as you're told before you're pulled away by Young One. They ramble on about the food that they’ve made. They lead you to the kitchen where they have all of the food set up to grab. It doesn't slip your mind that you will be the first to get anything. You decide to not think about it too long as you take a plate of food. 

You don't bother to think about what you are grabbing. You won't be able to taste it anyway. You just grab a little of everything and go sit with it outside. Surprisingly enough, Faithful One decides to join you on the little bench you have taken. 

The view of the ocean from this place is quite nice. You have a perfect view of the mass of fog. It taunts you as you try to focus on eating. 

“We are trying to decide what to do with the rest of the day,” Faithful One speaks up once you’re both done eating. “What would you like to do with your free time?” 

“I’m not sure,” you respond easily. “I might go to the library to grab some books. There must be more here considering the proximity.” 

“Oh!” She sounds excited, “I had planned to go to the House here. I can check their library for ‘headache books’ for you!” 

“O-only if you want,” you murmur. 

“Of course,” she smiles at you and it reminds you of your first few times on that bench. “I know you went through a lot, I wanted to properly thank you. I know that if you hadn't gone through what you did…” 

“You would have made it to the king,” you murmur, remembering the time you stayed back. 

“We wouldn’t have made it past the king,” she points out. 

You can't correct her, you can't lie about that. You suddenly remember the last conversation you had before you looped the last time. You remember that you had agreed to be ‘feelings buddies’ with her. Even if this isn't your timeline anymore… you can honour her in this way.

“Take credit for your own accomplishments,” you look off into the ocean. 

“I didn’t do much really I-” she starts until you cut her off. 

“You gathered us together,” you start. “You dealt with the expectations of a nation. With their frankly harmful misconceptions of your own blessing. The orbs were gathered because of your knowledge. You are a part of the team, the team of saviours.” 

She stays quiet for a moment as she thinks about your words. You don't know how she will take them from a stranger. You aren't her Siffrin, you hope you are not overstepping. You remember how the beginning of your last loop went. 

“Thank you,” She finally decides on her response. “I never knew you could be this kind… I MEAN-!”

“You thought we were so mysterious and cool,” you smile at her, it's a little forced. 

“Yeah, I wanted to think of you three like a mysterious character from one of my stories,” she explains. “I guess it wasn't fair, I never really decided to think otherwise. I was content with that narrative for you and I was such a crab for it. I never even asked if you liked touch! Change, how will you three ever forgive me?”

“You’ve already been forgiven,” you don't know how to feel about the almost repeated conversation. 

It’s different enough that it brings you comfort instead of panic. You think, for a moment, that you are allowed to enjoy this. That you worked for this as much as she did. Even if you trapped your family in a time loop you made it right… Didn’t you? You removed yourself from the equation, fixed it. 

“ Change ,” she comes to a realization. “I need to have this conversation with Siffrin!” 

You chuckle as she starts to fret, “Don’t worry, he hasn't noticed.”

“That… does not make me feel better!” she whacks you gently as she gets up with both of your plates. “And Eclipse.” 

You look over at her, “yes?” 

“Thank you,” she smiles kindly. “I know this is hard for you, thank you for trying. We want you as a part of this family, even if you can't see that right now.” 

You stare at her dumbfounded at the sentence. How did she figure you out so quickly? You could take a guess that it had something to do with almost destroying the world for your wish. The idea that you wanted to keep them around so badly you went through all of that. Yeah, that might have tipped them off a little. 

She patiently waits for you to process before you speak, “Thank you, Sunshine.” 

The nickname has the desired effect as she practically beams. You smile at the reaction as she gives a little excited squeal and enters the house. Your stomach turns a little as she leaves. Can you really treat them like family? Would that be okay? 

You hope so.

Chapter Text

True to your word, you visit the library shortly after the conversation with Sunshine. You decide to keep the impulsive nickname, she must have told the others about her accomplishments already. You will never use the names of your family but the ones you have been using won't cut it. They aren't nicknames made out of endearment and frankly they're quite dehumanising. You are sure that people from the island commonly use the naming system for strangers. They aren't strangers. 

You briefly wonder if Loop will ever pick out some nicknames themself. If they will ever decide to put aside the nicknames they have been using throughout all of your loops. You know that the hope is far-fetched at the moment, they have distanced themself from the group more and more as time passed. 

Smart One -you’ll have a hard time with her’s, you have an idea for the others- sits next to you as you read an old fairy tale. You were going to find some history books or craftonomy books but decided otherwise. The idea of getting back into intense research like you did all of those repeats of the same day makes your stomach sink a little. 

You found a book on the constellations, one to go with the one you already had. This time however, it’s a proper account of the histories behind them all. The people who told the stories first and who they were based on. Your book covers the basic stories, the ones that are supposed to be common knowledge. 

Some of them escape you, for some reason some of them still refuse to be seen. You have a few theories on why that is the case but none of them have been proven. Briefly you debate with yourself to bounce ideas off of the other person at the table but shake that idea away. You don't want to brother her as she mutters to herself. 

“Strange sadnesses, strange sadnesses,” she mumbles quietly, you assume she picked up the habit from you at some point. “Strange sadnesses- ah.” 

You stand up quickly, head snapping around the room as a slight sweet smell fills the room. Smart One, who managed to find the thing she was looking for, looks up with concern. You don't heed her as you check that you are in fact the only ones in the library. 

“Eclipse.” She calls, “what happened?” 

You look slowly back at her as she looks at you calmly. The slight crease in her brow betrays the concern that she so carefully guards. You just stare and let your racing heart slow down, in and out… innnnn and outttt.

“What did you do?” Your voice comes out small. 

“You’re going to have to be more specific.” 

“What did you do!?” you snap, the shaking in your hands has spread to the rest of you. 

“I am not sure I follow here but I will try regardless,” she sighs. “I was looking for any information on the strange sadness activity we have noticed. It’s a little embarrassing but it seems your habit of mumbling things has rubbed off on me. I muttered what I was looking for three times and found the page. Does that give you your answer?” 

Your eye widens as it clicks in your mind. You know that you do use wish craft unconsciously while carving and the like. You also know that sometimes you will mumble the thing you are looking for to find it. 

“Three times, six times, nine times… twelve-” you quote, “whatever feels right.” 

“Have I done something?” she asks as you flop back into the chair. 

“Wish craft.” 

“What…?” her composure breaks a little. 

“You successfully casted wish craft,” you clarify, “specifically a technique called ‘divination’. I smelled wish craft but the technique slipped my mind.” 

“Smelled?” That's what she wants to focus on!?

“Wish craft has a sweet smell most of the time,” you explain, “the more it warps the more it starts to smell like it's… Burnt, rotten, failing .”  

You clamp a hand over your mouth as the memory of the smell and the feeling of static force their way into your mind. You know that you can actually smell or feel the loops there is no tug… No tug-

On your…

Hat?

“Eclipse,” Smart One has lifted the brim of your hat to look into your eye. Her proximity makes you forget the smell and feeling for a moment. 

“Sorry,” you murmur as she decides to let go of your hat and let it fall over your face. 

“Don't apologise,” she goes to sit down, when did she get up? “That looked to me like a panic attack, there is nothing to apologise for. You carry with you a lot of trauma, I'm surprised these aren't more frequent.” 

You let yourself breathe for a moment as you compose your thoughts again. Right, she cast wish craft… how? It was common on your island but not in the rest of the world. How would someone not have accidentally rediscovered it if that was all it took. Someone was bound to connect the dots eventually. 

And then you remember a few times where it happened more recently. You know that the wish affecting the island has weakened, why? You know that you were able to remember your Baba’s voice. Polaris, it was a name you got from repeating ‘a name’ a few times. What is the intention of The Universe if it gives you back this ability? Why now? WHY NOW!? 

You push the book on constellations to the side as you pull out the history book fuelled by a plan. The book cannot be opened at the moment... You feel a little bad for your next move as you stand up and hold the closed book. 

“Twenty years ago today,” you think about what you want to learn. “Twenty years ago today,” you think about the people you can no longer remember. “Twenty years ago today,” you think of the culture you so desperately miss. 

Not enough. 

“Twenty years ago today, twenty years ago today, twenty years ago today,” you feel the world shift. 

You fight with The Universe’s hold on the deletion of a country. The resistance to the craft that flows around you. The pressure in your head as you decide to keep going… Not enough. 

“Twenty years ago today,” not enough not enough . 

“Twenty years ago today,” not enough, not enough, not enough.

“Twenty years ago today.” You feel everything stop as you throw the book up in the air. 

You watch in slow motion as the book falls through the air opening in the process. You feel the world take a slight violent tint as the pages barely show themselves. You feel the world shift as it lands, a page facing upwards.

Walking up to the page you find that you can read it. That violent shade coats the page and oozes over the other pages of the book. The thick ichor spills on to the table before dissipating, disappearing in the air as it loses its ‘colour’. 

There is a hand on your shoulder that you notice belatedly. The feeling only becomes known as it catches you from leaning too far to the side. Your vision swims as you look down at the book, desperate to at least get the fruit of your suffering. 

“A storm has delayed our return to ✦✧✦✧✦✧✦,” you begin to translate to Vaugardian. “None of the coven are happy about it, especially not the Luminary. We are a few weeks out from the lantern festival, if we don't hurry we will miss more than the preparation.” 

You suddenly remember the festival that is mentioned, this one was to mark the end of the harvest. You remember making lanterns when you were younger. They were meant to carry thanks to The Universe for a plentiful harvest. They carried prayers for a mild winter and warm family. 

“We can fly our lanterns from here, they will all take our messages to The Universe regardless.” The author has messy handwriting so you stumble over some words, “I feel horrible for being away from home at a time like this, how could they require us to travel so far. Especially during a time like this, all hands are required back home. I don’t care that our countries are supposedly allies, we have better things to be doing than this.

“On another note, I may have found someone here in the town of Solime. The Luminary has given me some looks every time I talk to them but that doesn't matter. They aren't a part of my coven, they can't dictate my blessings. Back to this person, I won’t get too much into it in a ✦✧✦✧  ✦✧  ✦✧✦✧✦✧✦; that would be inappropriate. But as an important part of my life, I will mention my intentions on joining the next diplomatic expedition to see them again. That is if they still want to talk to me when I return in a year or so.

“May The Universe guide me, I will faithfully follow.” 

You get through the page before the visceral ichor pulls the words off of the page. The Universe is desperately trying to gain a little bit of control back. You reach forward once the last of the words are gone and the book is no longer leaking. You flip through the pages to find the book completely blank. 

You remember the purpose of a book like this, it was not so unlike a diary. It was a little more than that though, the name escapes you. You think that you had started one when you were younger, where that would be is lost to you. The book was designed to be a recollection of your life, from writing in it like a diary to writing down life lessons that you have learned. It was meant to be passed down to the next generation for them to learn your legacy then returned to you once you join the stars. 

You suppose that it has been returned to wherever the author is now that it is blank. Their memories are gone with the book’s writing. You shut it closed and slip it into your cloak, turning to Smart One who still held you upright. 

You go to say something to her but stop when you feel a… tug? It’s on your mind, the world suddenly smells like burnt sugar as the tug guides your body to the door of the shop. 

The Universe leads, you are nothing if you do not follow. 

You stumble out of the library and towards the railing. The mountainous seaside town has plenty of good views of the ocean. Smart One has expressed her distaste for the inclines and the slopes but she stands beside you as you stare ahead.

The mass across the ocean suddenly gets struck by lightning. Said lightning splits the sky apart getting lost in the clouds overhead. This wouldn't be unusual in most situations, but now it is remarkable. The fog that covers the island also typically makes the weather it would be experiencing hard to see.  In this moment, you can see it; you can see the rain clouds overhead and the red  lightning that comes with it. You can see how the clouds eat the mountain’s peaks. The lightless beaches…

You double forward as you feel something wet drip from your eye and nose. You lift a hand to whip at it, expecting to come back with tears. Your gloved hand is smeared with dark blood as you rub your forefinger and thumb together in thought. The liquid sparkles a little like the night sky.

“Eclipse?” you finally hear Smart One at your side as you rip your focus away from the island. “Are you finally with me? Wha-!?” 

She cuts herself off as she notices the liquids you seem to be leaking. You almost fall forwards and she makes quick work of supporting your weight. She's already moving you into the library to go sit back down. The surprise rain starting to seep into your hat and cloak, she must not be faring much better in her robe. 

She starts to dab the blood off of your face as soon as she gets you into a seat. She barely even manages to take a seat for herself while she focuses on you. You try not to lean into the touch but you suspect you have failed. 

“Sorry…” you mumble as she pulls away, folding her handkerchief delicately. 

“Care to explain your thought process?” She catches your gaze and holds it. 

“I wanted to test it,” you mumble, then point to your face. “This on the other hand, I hadn’t quite known it was going to be the result.” 

“Quite?” she raises an eyebrow at the wording. 

“Something similar happened in my loops,” you shudder a little as you remember it. “The king and I tried to say the name of the island, it was the memory that Moonlight got the other day. The result was a little more… violent?” 

“You died?” she asks bluntly, already knowing the answer but you nod anyway. “Then why would you do something so reckless!?” 

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, you don't dare respond. “Please don't ever do that alone.” 

“Wha-?” 

“I know I can't tell you not to try that again, not even I would listen to that.” She looks at you with so much concern, so much undeserved and misdirected care. “I just ask that you have someone around that can help if you can't manage yourself.”

“I will,” you smile a little as she pats your head. “Thank you, Opal.” 

Her eyes widen a little as she processes the nickname. For a moment you panic, she doesn't really take kindly to nicknames. 

“ Stars , sorry-!” You correct before she lifts a hand to silence you. 

“It’s fine. Gems, don't look so scared,” her face returns to a careful neutral. “I won't expect you to call me by my name and Madame is far too fancy for our relationship. I am honoured you chose something related to geology… Opal, it's nice. Thank you, Eclipse.” 

Genuine thanks!? Oh nooooooooo-! 

“STARDUST-!” You hear Loop bust though the library door, the librarian glares mildly. “ Stars, I left you alone for twenty minutes!” 

Opal leans back as they barrel into the space in front of you, grabbing your face with their hands. They move your head around quickly checking for injuries. They have barely started to dry from the rain that you can't hear anymore. You take one of their hands and place it on your chest, exaggerating your breathing for them. 

“Loop?” Opal questions, “where is Isabeau and Siffrin, you were with them weren't you?”

“Loop-!” Siffrin’s voice answers the question as he bursts through the door, Strong One hot on his heels. 

“Does anyone care to explain?” He enters the building looking more winded than the two rogues. 

The now larger group takes a moment to relax before you decide to explain. “I remembered a form of wish craft-” 

“WISH CRAFT!?” Loop shouts, looking just about ready to strangle you. “Did you learn NOTHING!? Stars blind it all!” 

“It’s called divination,” you do not react to their outburst. “Even in our ever blinding hands we can not make the same mistake again. It is only using The Universe to find things that are lost or hidden.” 

“Things that are lost or hidden,” Siffrin mumbles, “the island.” 

“In essence, yes,” you sigh again, exhaustion setting in properly. “I used it on a book that I couldn't open as an experiment. I looked for the day exactly twenty years ago, it might have broken the wish on the island a little more.” 

“How can you be sure that the wish is ‘breaking’?” Opal asks once finish explaining. 

“The smell,” Loop covers their nose with a grimace, eyes getting sharper. “One could not easily forget the smell of rotten wish craft. Thanks Stardust~~!”

“My apologies,” you murmur as you feel your nose start to drip again. 

Before you get the chance to wipe the blood away, Loop is already on it. They produce their own handkerchief and wipe it away, pinching the bridge of your nose and tilting your head back. You let them move you around as the others make small talk. They cast healing craft and let you go once you have stopped bleeding. 

“Well at least you didn't die this time.” Loop murmurs, “although this form of wish craft is interesting… ‘Speak the thing you seek out a certain number of times and The Universe will guide you to it’. Now that you mention it-.” 

“We used it to remember Baba’s voice,” Siffrin interrupts, “Normally you have to speak the thing several times in a row unbroken… how did it work before when we all said the word?” 

“Because we are the same thing, Moonlight,” you and Loop say in tandem. 

“Don't know if you have noticed,” Loop holds out their darkless handkerchief covered in your star-speckled blood. “We aren't exactly considered human anymore, you are the only one of us who gets that honour. We are but the echoes that you leave in your wake.” 

“That’s not true,” Strong One finally pipes in. “You are flesh and blood, you feel emotions and think real thoughts. You aren’t just echoes of Sif you are both your own people.” 

“Cute, Fighter,” Loop huffs, “The Universe disagrees.” 

…

“While this has been fun,” you stand to cut the tension in the room, “I am exhausted. Loop, would you like to walk back to the inn with me?” 

“If you insist,” they smile as you wave a quick goodbye and make your way out of the room. 

You leave the proper Siffrin with their party, where they belong… where you don’t.

The two of you walk in relative silence as you lean into their shoulder. They dont comment or protest your action, they just support as much of your weight as you need. The two of you take a moment to look at the island, the storm has dissipated. The island’s peaks are still visible, the risk you took did have an impact. 

“How did you know that I had done something?” you ask after you two get walking again. 

“The shopkeep that we were speaking to suddenly recognised that we were from the island.” They begin to explain, their regular cheery voice dropped, “they said they suddenly remembered twenty years ago today. They talked about a merchant from the island who had made an impression on them as a younger teen. They talked briefly about the armour some of the islanders wore and how it was similar to the king’s… We saw the state of the island when I walked away from the conversation.” 

“So I didn't just find twenty years ago for myself,” you murmur, “no wonder there was such a violent reaction. But that also means that it's possible, we can make up for our failures.” 

“This is dangerous,” Loop murmurs instead of answering. 

The two of you make it back to the inn and they help you flop onto the bed. You roll over and stare at the ceiling, “I know you want to just… move on.”

“That was before…” they mumble as they sit down on the bed, “I won't hope. I can never hope again but… if we can actually make a difference.” 

“Maybe we still have a reason to be here,” you finish the sentiment. 

“I won’t say that I'm happy about the idea of messing with wish craft,” Loop flops down on their back. “I will not be an active participant in your plans. But if you need me, I guess I can try and be helpful Loop~!” 

You roll over and latch onto them, pulling them close in a hug. They don't protest as they accept and return the hug. “Thank you, Polaris .” 

“Your welcome, Stardust,” they pressed their forehead to yours. 

The embrace of sleep welcomes you as you finally give into the drooping of your eye. You dream of a warm hand on your head and gentle words of encouragement. All of this sung by a chorus of uncountable voices.

Chapter Text

You wake up early the next day with little fanfare, you feel the echo of the warmth of a forgotten family. Loop is still in your arms as you join the waking world, the arrangement seems to help with the nightmares. Getting ready for the day is a simple affair as it typically is, neither of you ever taking much care into your appearance. Loop seems to care about their appearance more than you do, from where threat desire stemmed from evades you. 

“Stardust,” Loop calls as you are about to leave. 

“Hm?” you turn to look at them as they hold out a comb. 

“Get over here,” they demand. 

“No.” You stick out your tongue with a wink. 

This proves to be a mistake as they launch at you, tackling you to the ground. The struggle lasts for a good while before you are dragged to sit on the floor in front of them as they start fussing over your hair. They murmur something about ‘inspiration’ and then refuse to elaborate when questioned.

You sigh and accept your fate as they make sure to be thorough with your tangles. They then work on braiding some of it… forward?  

“What are you doing?” you ask, startling Loop out of their focus. 

“Your scar is massive,” they comment. “Looks like that wound I gave you in our little ‘tussle’ stayed. Oops~.” 

“Huh,” you think about it some, “yeah, I don't think I ever thought about that. I knew it was different, I didn't know that was because of you.” 

“You have a habit of using your hair to hide it,” they barrel onwards. “I thought about a way to braid your hair forward to cover it better and keep it neat.” 

The room is silent for a moment more before they grumble, “that blinded Universe.” 

“Oh?” 

“It gave you long hair,” they give a particularly harsh tug to prove a point. “The one of us who cares the least about their appearance.” 

“I wouldn't necessarily-” 

“Don't even try that.” They interrupt, “you lived through the clocktower more than I did, you have completely lost the concept of a morning routine. Don't think that I didn't notice that you have completely forgotten how to take care of yourself.” 

You don't respond as they tie the hair that they were working on. They get up and pull you to your feet so you can go to the little bathroom. You look at loop’s handiwork for a while as you run your hands over the job. They left a good amount of your hair free of the little braids they made, an even mix. Most of the braids are pulling the hair away from the right side of your face. All of the hair sits over your left shoulder and properly covers your eye. The completely darkless hair all gathered with a lightless ribbon, not unlike the dyed parts that still sit in Siffrin’s hair. 

You push the hair up a little to see the scar that covers the greater part of half of your face. It stings a little as you remember the wound that Loop had inflicted. They hit you with a strong attack creating something akin to an explosion on that side. The mark looked something like a starburst… whatever that meant.

You walk out of the washroom where Loop was looking before they looked away quickly. They seemed embarrassed by something so you decided to make. It. Worse. 

“ Polaris~~” you call and they look over with a glare. “Thank you~!” 

You move forward to give them a big hug, they barely get the chance to protest before they are enveloped. They squirm for a moment before they give in and melt. You know that no matter how much they protest, they still yearn for physical contact the way you do. 

“Is it bad that I don’t feel bad?” they mutter. 

“‘Bout what?” 

“Your eye, I made the scar worse,” they murmured into your shoulder. 

“Eh,” you shrug, “I don't look like Siffrin. Overall I call it a win!”  

“At least I’m the one with two eyes,” they brag. 

“Hah! Cant see two feet in front of you though.” 

They take that as the perfect opportunity to shove you. Not being prepared you land on your butt with an ‘oof’. They cackle at your expense, dramatically crossing their legs and holding a ‘polite’ hand over their mouth. You glare for all of a moment, debating sending some paper craft their way before there is a knock on the door. 

“Everything alright in there?” Calls Strong One. 

“WHO CARES I HAVE A GIFT FOR THEM!!” Young One shouts. 

You get up off the floor as Loop’s face sours a little, the action concerning for all of a moment before you're distracted again. You reach the door and get it a hair open before Young One is bursting into the room. 

“Bonbon!” Strong One shouts. 

“What’s up, Kid,” Loop greets as they bounce over to the bed they're sitting on. 

“I’m not a kid!” they shout. 

“Not too far from it,” you chime in, “Young One.” 

“I’M NOT YOUNG!” They shout, “come onnnnn! You gave Belle a cool nickname, don’t I get one too?” 

“Mmmmm, nope!” Loop pops the ‘p’ while sending a small glare your way. 

“You’re a crab!” They shout. Loop mocks offence as you and Strong One chuckle along. 

“Alright,” Strong One redirects, “you had something to give them.” 

“OH!” they reach into their hat and pull out a handful of… bells? “Nille told me that she almost killed Sisi because you two walk too quietly. So I got these!” 

They hand one bell to you and several to Loop. this causes them to look up with a smirk, “looks like I’m the favourite now, Stardust~!”

“Sure,” you murmur as you inspect the bell with a little safety pin attached. You think for a moment before removing your hat. It takes you a moment before you have placed the little darkless bell on the tip of your lightless hat. You replace the hat with a satisfied huff as you shake your head to enjoy the sound. 

Bonnie helps Loop place five of them around their brim with the spacing of six leaving the front free. They shake their hat a little as the smaller bells jingle with the movement. The two of you just enjoy the noises for a moment before you snap out of it. 

“Thank you, Nova,” you smile at them as they turn to you with wide eyes. 

“NOVA!!” they shout, “I LOVE IT!! CRAB YEAH I BEAT YOU TO THE NAME ZA!!!” 

You smile at the antics before you're interrupted with harsh gingling. Loop has stood up to glare at you, harshly. You have a feeling you know why but they start moving before you can speak. They quickly walk out of the room, giving you a harsh shove on the way out. The three of you are silent as you breathe in and out. 

“What-” Strong One goes to ask before you shake your head. 

“Leave them be,” you request, “they have been through a lot, it's a reasonable reaction.” 

“But they shouldn’t have shoved you,” Nova looks a little upset. 

“No, Nova,” you smile down at them, “they shouldn't, I’m sure they will apologise later.” 

They harumph before remembering something, “I made breakfast, let's go eat!” 

“Good idea Bon,” Strong One smiles, you can tell it’s a fake cheer. “Hey, Eclipse?” 

“Mhmm?” you make proper eye contact, happy about the hair style not moving from covering your bad side.

“I was planning on checking in on the defenders of Bambouche,” he rubs the back of his neck as the three of you walk through the halls of the inn. “Would you like to come with me? I’m certain that it will involve some work so if you aren't up for it-” 

“That’s fine,” you interrupt, “I will come to help.” 

“Oh, oh cool! Thanks!” His cheer turns into something more real, you wonder why… 

The three of you enter the small dining area that has mostly cleared out. Most of the party is sitting at a table, the rest is with you and Loop… most likely left. You sigh a little as you don't see them and elect to sit beside where Sunshine and Opal have taken a bench of the booths. Strong One and Nova sit with Siffrin on the other side. 

“Goodmorning, Eclipse,” Sunshine smiles from beside you, “How did you sleep?” 

“Well, thank you.” you muster a small smile despite you worrying for Loop. “And you?” 

“Quite well thank you!” She clasps her hands in front of her looking a little anxious. “I heard about yesterday, c-could I cast some healing craft to make sure you're okay?” 

“I’m fine,” you respond automatically but pause as her face sours. “Sure, if it will make you feel better.” 

“Thank you,” she smiles softly. 

You sit as she hovers her hands over your shoulder, making sure not to touch you. The refusal to touch you makes your skin crawl, you can almost feel the grime that makes you untouchable. The disgusting feeling that they avoid. As they should.

“Okay,” she sighs out, “you seem fine. If anything changes, please let me know.” 

“I will, Sunshine,” you smile at her as Nova hands you a plate and practically shouts at you to eat. 

The team chats about their plans for the day over you as you talk. Opal and Siffrin are going on their own secret mission, the purpose is lost to your sieve of a mind. Sunshine and Nova will be going with Nille to the docks to help out there. Strong One talks about the two of you going to the defenders tower here to help out. 

With everything decided you finish up what you can eat as quickly as you can. The taste of ash that you cannot shake makes it hard, for the sake of the kid you eat a lot. Once they're gone, however, you stop trying to force yourself to eat and move to clean your plate. 

“Are you okay?” Siffrin asks as they notice your plate. 

“Just fine,” you smile at them, the well practiced grin makes them wince. 

“Have we always been so bad at lying?” They narrow their eyes at you. 

“Beats me~~!” you sing as you leave the room to wash your dish. 

You never get the chance to actually do so as a staff member offers to take the plate from you. Something about the saviours of Vaugarde not needing to wash plates. You shrug and give it up, it’s rude to reject an offer like that.

You walk back into the inn’s dining hall area as Siffrin and Opal are getting ready to leave. He waves goodbye as they leave the space leaving you and Strong One alone. You really needed to think of a nickname for him. But what can you come up with when he’s not yours? Not yours, not yours, not BLINDING yours.  

You sign and turn to him where he seems to be carefully watching you. He looks away as he notices you looking… weird .

“The sun is leaving us behind,” you comment as you walk towards the door. 

Strong One makes a sound of surprise as he scrambles after you. It’s quite a sight for a man so large to stumble and duck the way that he does. You look away from him quickly, fingers finding themself digging into your arms. 

You walk like that, in complete silence, for a good while before the tower comes into view. You are, yet again, surprised with the size of the thing. Nova had shown everyone the tower yesterday but it still impressed you. You supposed that the size would have been necessary with this being a large trading port between Vaugarde and… the island.  

You sigh for a moment as you try to not think about the mass across the sea. This proves easy to do as someone comes rushing towards the two of you. They're wearing a defender's crest and some of the uniform. 

“Saviours!” they shout to get your attention, “please, you have to help me!” 

“What’s up?” Strong One asks, looking a little suspicious. 

“Please, I know you helped when no one else would!” they begin to ramble, tears forming in their eyes, “my name is Abel, he/him. My sister has gone missing, none of the other defenders are willing to help. They said that she hasn't been gone long enough to be worried. They Are wrong! She would never be gone this long!!” 

“When did you see her last?” you ask. 

“She had breakfast with me,” they look relieved that you're listening. “We had agreed to meet up an hour ago but she never showed up! I’ve looked everywhere! She was supposed to be foraging for herbs for the healer. What if she was attacked?!” 

“Why won’t you go into the forest to look for her?” You ask instead, Strong One gives you a look for your judgement that you shrug off. 

“I’ll be honest,” they look ashamed. “I only got this position out of pity. My father was a defender but he disappeared a long time ago. My sister and I were so young, they gave me a job to do menial tasks. It was enough to keep us fed with a roof over our heads but I’ve never been a proper defender.” 

“So you want us to go into the forest to look for her,” you interpret. “You can't go by yourself in case it’s dangerous…” 

You look at Strong One who seems to be debating the story. It’s his decision regardless, your ‘side quest’ days have been left behind in the loops. You won't be leading a team that does not belong to you. He seems to come to a conclusion as he just sighs. 

“We can help,” he puts on a cheerful smile, “we might as well start looking. The sooner we find her the better, are you okay with this Eclipse?” 

“Fine by me,” you shrug and start walking, careful to silence the bell on your head as you enter the forest. 

The three of you walk for a while as you get into the denser parts of the forest. Abel talks about how dangerous his sister's job is, this part of the forest is hard to navigate. You keep your eyes peeled to your surroundings as you walk. 

“She is a piercing craft user,” they explain, “she was always better at craft than I was. I never even found out what type I’m supposed to be, I can barely craft a change god statue.” 

They chuckle to themself in self deprecation as Strong One reasures them that they have their ‘own strengths’.

There's a shuffling noise to your right that catches your attention. You watch as Abel gets spooked by a squirrel as it jumps out of a tree and across your path. They squawk and bring both of their hands up to their chest, forming fists with each. 

Before you can get the chance to question that the sound that was from your side extends to all around you. 

“AMBUSH!” You shout as Strong One gets the message late. 

You halt as you feel a form fall from a tree, landing right behind you. The assailant puts one arm around your neck, using their other hand to hold a blade to your throat. Strong One makes a noise of panic as he sees the predicament you are in. 

“Don’t you dare ,” the man growls, holding out his fists, ready to fight. 

“Ah ah ah,” Abel shakes his head, “your little friend there will be disembodied before you can even reach him.” 

“What is all of this!?” He shouts looking more stressed as more people come from the bushes. 

“Revenge, retribution… vengeance?” He muses, “all of those words do not cut it. You saviours carelessly broke the curse, not a single thought to those who wanted the gift that was so graciously given. The king, merciful he, gave us eternity. Everlasting dreams! But you took that from us, made us wake up to this nightmare!

“My sister died long ago, she was young and died of a sickness I didn't have the resources to help with. When she was taken from me I had nothing. The King took unfortunate souls like I and gave us back what we were without. In my slumber I got to be with my sister, you took that from me! YOU TOOK MY SiSTER FROM ME!”    

The clearing is silent other than the sporting murmurs from the many that hide in the trees. You think about the words for a moment before you sigh, playing up how bored you are. You carefully keep your expression blank. 

“I’m sorry about your sister but what a stupid reason,” you shrug around the arms that golf you. “I may not be a follower of change but I still know better. Eternity is a lie, it is not life . There is nothing good that can come from something that never changes. No future… HAH! You would deny your very fate for the illusion of perfection? You make me sick.” 

The assailants all fall silent at your speech, they take a moment to recover. Strong One included, he looks a little concerned for more than just your current physical well being. You smirk a little at the looks of confusion at your nonchalance. If only they knew that you have been through to gain this calm.

“I have a question,” you say after a beat of silence. “You pulled us out here to do what? What do you plan on accomplishing with this? Will this bring back your sister? Better yet, would she want you to do this?” 

“HOW DARE-” Abel seethes with rage as you interrupt them. 

“Yeah yeah yeah,” you sigh, full of exasperation, “you want revenge , to get back at the saviours because you can’t take the fact that you are awake again. It's quite pathetic if you ask me. But how does this help? Would it not be better to take the time to learn how to freeze yourself instead of getting pointless revenge. Oh wait, that would be too hard~!” 

“You really need to learn to shut up,” the one holding you growls. 

“Oh! That reminds me!” You mock, “you really need to learn where to place that knife.” 

“Wh-” 

“Your placement is shoddy, inexperienced,” you reach up and clasp the wrist that holds their knife. “There, move the knife there at this angle,” you feel bad for the look that Strong One has. “Yeahhh, there you go. That's the best spot, one good stab and I’m a goner! Before, you wouldn't even have succeeded in killing me before I could heal it.” 

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” The one holding you pulled the knife back as they shouted. You smirk at the reaction as you go to move their hand back. Forcing them to stay there with your life on the line.

“You really are bad at this,” they try to squirm out of your grip again. 

The others watch as you hold them in place, hands over their wrists. They fight to pull the knife away from your neck as you smile wide for the others to see. You remember the smile that looked back at you in that mirror. The last time that you went through the house as ‘Siffrin’. 

“So you couldn't deal with your own problems,” you whistle, “and you decided to take that out on us. But hey, you can't even do that right~!” 

Your display seems to have the desired effect as the focus is entirely on you. They haven't noticed that Strong One has dawned his gauntlets. You smile wider as you go to continue your scene, showing teeth with your sharp smile. You move your eye much like the sharpness that Loop’s are stuck with.

“Oh don't look so scared~!” you put on a mocking sad voice, “I’m only trying to help… Here, let me demonstrate-!” 

You quickly move the hand they have holding the knife. Manipulating their knife back as you catch them off guard and drive it into their shoulder. You had half the mind to give them the same treatment they wanted to give you. You don't want to be seen as a monster any more than you are. 

The shock from your attack wears off quickly as a fight finally breaks out. You speed buff Strong One and yourself as you move to watch his back. He returns the favour with A defence bost. You send out a few [just attack]’s as you make sure none of them can get to your companion. You will not let Siffrin’s Isa get hurt, not on your watch. Not until you are dead first.

You trade blows with the ones around, aiming to harm over kill. The group is weaker than you had planned for, your attacks do too much damage. The number of casualties increases as time goes on and they refuse to retreat.  

There's an attack or two you aren't able to dodge as you focus on protecting. You pay them no mind, the pain not even registering as you make quick work of your assailants. It takes a few moments but soon the remaining attackers that are standing are either dragging away the injured or running for their own lives. 

You don't break your battle stance until you don't hear their movements in the trees anymore. 

You breathe in, and out. 

         You feel a little bit stronger?

“Woah,” you startle at the voice behind you. “Oh, sorry!” 

“It’s fine,” you wipe your dagger off on a cloth you had on hand, dropping it on a blood stain below you. “We should warn the others about that.” 

“To think,” Strong One taps a finger on his chin, “people actually supported the king…” 

“It’s not so hard to believe,” you shrug and immediately regret it. 

“What do you mean by that?” He looks shocked but gives you the chance to explain.

“I almost sympathised with him,” you murmured, “what a perfect reality, everything could just stop… I could quit while I was ahead. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. Look where that mindset got me… insanity and loneliness.” 

“You said ‘almost’,” he looks at you sadly. 

“If you think about it, what I did was built off the same logic as his,” you look away. “I sacrificed my sanity for my wish, became a monster worse than him. I have learned that there is no perfection; not now, not ever.” 

“I don't think you are a monster,” you look back to meet his sad eyes. “You went through a lot, and a lot of things that I could never comprehend. That doesn't make you a monster, it makes you hurt.” 

“Thanks, Sol,” you return a shaky but genuine little smile. 

“YESS!!!” he pumps his fist in the air, you smile more at his celebration. “I got a nickname!! What does it mean?” 

You don’t answer with words, you just point up. The afternoon sun filters through the thick trees emphasising your words. Sol’s gaze follows your hands as he looks confused. 

“It’s the sun,” you explain. “Our star, they have many names, one of them is Sol.” 

“That’s beautiful,” he looks like he might cry, “thank you, Eclipse.” 

“Don’t mention it,” you shrug, “let's get back, I want to take a long bath.” 

You take that moment to heal your injuries, your cooldown had passed after you did the same for him mid battle. He looks at you a little concerned before he nods. He seems to share the sentiment. 

“Awe man,” Sol sighs looking around at the carnage, “how are we to explain this!?” 

“We could just hope that the rain washed the blood away,” you shrug. 

He turns to look at you with horror in his face, “and leave the bodies to rot here!?” 

You shrug and walk away as he starts to lecture you about how disrespectful that is. You only feel a little bad for the casualties that you left behind, seven people lost their lives. Sol is taking it surprisingly well, you assume it has something to do with the defender training. You know that he feels the same guilt you do but will refuse to show it.

You aren’t so unlike each other in that way. 

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You sit outside of the defender tower as you wait for Sol to come back. He took the responsibility for explaining what happened. The two of you realized that Able had attacked another defender to take his uniform for this. You feel guilty about six of the souls you have sent back to The Universe. 

The tower had let you use their showers and crafted laundry machines. You were happy to sit in your freshly cleaned clothes instead of blood stained ones. Your bell gingles a little as the breeze rushes past you. 

More gingling reaches your ears, you look up and see Loop Sprinting towards you. They must have been found by the defenders sent out to gather the team. They barely get to stop with their speed before they are holding you by the shoulders to look you over. 

“I can’t walk away for just a moment without you getting into trouble!?” they shout. 

“What can I say?” You stick out your tongue, “I have skills.” 

They don't respond as they just sigh and sit on the bench. “What even happened?” 

“Looks like there’s a group of people who want our heads,” you shrug. “The king brought dreams of peace to the land… Some people didn't want to leave that behind.” 

“I can’t blame them…” Loop murmurs. 

“Me neither,” you look out at the view of the ocean. “Stop while you're ahead, how greedy.” 

“Disgusting…” They echo your thoughts easily. 

You sit there and swing your legs in time with Loops as the world passes the two of you by. Defenders run in and out of the tower from time to time, always busy. You know that there is still a heightened number of sadnesses around. The fact that that comes with a group of people who are unhappy with the change does not surprise you in the slightest. The emotions have to come from somewhere. 

“LULU!! SISI!!!” You hear Nova in the distance, they have the rest of the party behind them. “I heard you were super cool, Sisi!” 

“Lulu?” Loop mumbles before they barrel towards you. 

“You fended off some bad guys!” They have stars in their eyes, “TELL ME EVERYTHING!” 

You smile down at their enthusiasm as the others catch up, Opal starting the interrogation. “It’s interesting that every time I turn my back on you something has happened.” 

“You trust me enough to turn your back?” you smirk. 

“No.” she returns the smile a little, “care to explain what happened?” 

“Please,” Sunshine wrings her hands in front of her, “I can't believe that there are more than sadnesses we have to watch out for.” 

“I can.” Nille mutters while crossing her arms. 

“While I would agree with that sentiment,” Opal comments, “the organisation is cause for concern.” 

“They weren't very organised, all things considered,” you correct. “They used cheap tricks and weak craft, even Nova would fare better in a fight.” 

“CRAB YEAH!” They celebrate as Nille gives them a high five. 

You feel the glare that you are getting from Loop but continue anyway. “I understand the concern, Sunshine, but I wouldn't be worried about another king situation. He was from the island and older than us when it disappeared. It’s unlikely that The Universe would grant another power like that again.” 

“That's reassuring,” Sol returns, “but we still will benefit from caution.” 

“Of course,” you smirk, “after such an utter defeat, they should think twice for a while.” 

“With that in mind,” Opal places a hand on her chin pensively, “we should spar as a group. We have a few new members so it might be best to work on our teamwork some with the shift.” 

“I’ll pass,” Loop murmurs. 

“Awe boo,” Siffrin finally speaks up, “I was hoping you would teach me some of your moves.”

“In your dreams, Moonlight,” they smirk a little. 

“I don’t think it’s too bad of an idea,” you comment. “Nille takes the number of protector craft users up, not to mention she is a fighter like Sol. Loop and I make the team lean more towards piercing but we know other types. I count as a healer now so Sunshine and I need to learn to coordinate.” 

“You think about this a lot,” Sunshine looks impressed. 

“Heh, yeah,” you hide in your hat a little. 

The others start to talk about strategy around you as you lose focus. You try to listen to them, you really do but you can't, not with Loop glaring daggers into you. 

“ What’s wrong?” you ask quietly in your language. 

“ What’s wrong!?” They respond, spitting venom into their tone, “ I don’t know, what’s right!?”

You kinda just stare at them in shock for a moment as they get increasingly more angry. You don't quite know how to fix this, you don't know if you can, 

“ Seriously, Stardust,” they stand up, catching the attention of the group. “ You blinding parasite, have you learned nothing you idiot. Giving them little nicknames as if they are yours !? You disgust me, you vile LEECH .”

“Loop,” Siffrin interrupts, you forgot they understand the language. “That’s quite extreme…” 

“Like you would know,” they turn to leave, you stand to follow them. 

“It’s hardly harsh enough,” you murmur as you leave the group. 

You know that you have to sort out whatever is wrong with Loop. you don't disagree with them, not entirely. You also know that this is coming from something other than what they are openly mad about. You know that they are deflecting within their own mind, avoiding something. 

You have always been so good at that.

Chapter Text

Stardust trails behind you as you storm away without a single care for the noise your hat makes. You feel yourself shake as breathing comes in your lungs in ragged gasps. You went off to have your own moment earlier, you should be more contained right now. Why can't you get yourself together. Blinding useless idiot. You did it for LOOPS now you can’t manage to keep calm for a single conversation ?

“-oop!” you only barely clue in on the shouting behind you as you walk, “ Polaris, please. Talk to me!” 

You whirl around to shout, “I don't want to talk to you!! I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND YOU! YOU LEECH! JUST DIE!” 

You stop at the look that they give you in return for your outburst. They look so tired, their fake smile and cheer whipped off of their face in an instant. You want to take it back, you want to apologise and beg for forgiveness. You want to dig your hand into his ribcage, rip out his heart and watch it slow to a stop. You know he no longer has a heart to remove, just like you he is a monster. Made of wishcraft and broken dreams. Shattered wishes.

“ Polaris, I get it, I really do,” he tries, the two of you standing in a relatively open clearing in the woods. When did you get this far out?  

“You don’t!” you shout, anger boiling over the more you stare at their blank face. “You will never understand what I went through!” 

“Maybe you're right,” they stare at you, tired eye showing darkness that you must wear yourself. “But I am also the only one who could begin to understand… Please just talk to me, what is wrong?” 

“WHAT’S WRONG!?” You shout, voice going horace. “You're here on your merry way, living as if you belong. Existing as if your filth won't contaminate everything you touch as if you won't ruin everything you affect; as if you aren't a leech taking and taking and taking everything you don't deserve until there is nothing left to give. AS IF-”

You gasp a breath, prepared to continue before you're interrupted with a burst of craft. You dodge at the last second, leaping into a roll to hop back onto your feet. You look up in a ready stance… 

If looks could kill… 

“You think…” they mutter as they catch their breath, dropping into the same combat stance you’ve adopted. “That I haven't thought about this!? That I think I deserve any of this, that I don’t notice that none of them will touch me knowing the filth I carry with me. That I don’t notice the hesitation and the looks of disgust I get when they think I am not looking!?” 

You gawk at them for a moment before they stand properly, looking you in the eye with a sad smile. “I know I’m pretty stupid but don’t think I’m an utter idiot. I know what I am, I know what I deserve. Soon they will finally give up with the front. At least I have the courage to pretend … I can live in delusion until the day that I can finally rest.”

Your eyes widen at the statement, your body freezes at the realization. You don’t know why this kind of talk upsets you so much. You want them dead, you want yourself dead, the world would be better for it… But the Idea that they feel the same fills you with dread. You hypocrite YOU JUST TOLD THEM TO ‘DIE’!

You stay silent for too long, they draw their dagger and launch towards you. It only takes a moment before they are in front of you, poised for an attack. You forget how much stronger they are than they allow the others to see. Now they don’t have the craft overuse of a warped wish and perpetual exhaustion to deal with. They are free… and angry.

You jump back and draw your own dagger, you didn't come here to fight but you won't pass up this opportunity. You backflip over their next attack, the craft grazes you with your late reaction. You feel the intent behind the attack, the intent to kill. You smirk as you watch their blank expression change just slightly.

You land with just enough balance to launch yourself forward. You had thought that they were holding onto themself better than you. The manic look in their eyes mixed with the dead mask of a face proves you wrong. You smile your own manic smile as you properly join the fray. 

You take advantage of the practice you have gotten recently to trade blows with him. The two of you are pretty evenly matched, both putting in your all to take each other down. You gasp as they get a lucky shot at your leg. The stumble that follows gives them the opportunity to get a good shot against your chest. 

Time begins to slow as you see their next attack, off-hand curled into a fist. The intent behind the attack remains the same, unable to change as their eyes widen. You loosen your grip on your dagger and give up trying to dodge or block. The attack, being rock, is enough to do you in… maybe that won’t be so bad.

You stare off into the sky as you feel every rib in your chest creak against each other with the attack. You know what it’s like to die, you smile a little at the comforting and forgotten feeling. You close your eyes and feel… a tug? 

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

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You stand with the party as the two walk off, Loop’s words pass through your mind as you watch. The others chatter amongst themselves about their departure. 

“They will sort it out,” Odile dismisses, “it’s best that we let them be. They don’t trust us very much, they know eachother better.” 

“With all due respect, madam,” Isa looks worried, “I’m not sure that it is such a good idea to leave them be. With what they have been through I don't think they can sort this out on their own.” 

“What are we to do about it though?” Mira looks stressed, “they don’t seem like the type to really need help -or accept it-,” she mutters. “Siffrin has always been quite level headed.” 

You flinch a little at the address as you continue to stare into the distance. You can handle yourself, you are capable. Apparently you would have survived whatever hell they have been though... That was saying a lot, right? You don't feel too well put together all things considered. 

You won't correct them. 

“With the risk of countering my own stance I have to disagree with that,” Odile sighs. “They didn't even tell us that they were okay with touch, it took the other two who-knows-what to figure it out and they only revealed it to tease Siffrin.” 

Your cheeks darken a little at the attention. You prefer to melt into the background, the attention you have received lately is overwhelming. You will never say no to a hug, hand hold or head pat but this was a bit much. 

“-ffrin?” Isa had asked you something and you didn't hear it. 

“Sorry,” you finally turn to the group around you. “I didn't catch that.” 

“Do you think it’s safe to leave them alone?” he repeats and you think. 

If you say no then they will be worried about you. If you say yes then you might risk something happening to the two of them. You know that they are not safe to be left alone like this but you don't want to risk the others worrying for no reason. You know that you would hate to be crowded in a time like that… You would hate to be left alone- 

“They should be fine,” you mutter quietly. 

“I don’t know the full context,” Nille crosses her arms, “ but I don't know if I believe that.” 

“Nille!” Bonnie shouts, “don’t be a crab!” 

“I’m not, Bug,” she has a soft look on her face, “I’m just saying, I don’t know if leaving them alone in that state is really a good idea. They don't look stable in the slightest. Not to mention one of them has a sadness… however that works.” 

You let the others debate around you for a while, none of them actually moving to act on their wants. You just go back to looking into the forest, a familiar figure looks back at you. You gasp as they smile in your direction, Mal du Pays drags a finger over their throat. You feel your heart drop at the action, you feel what they are referring to. A sense of dread passes through you for a moment before you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

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You breathe harshly as Loop stands before you yet again. A wave of dizziness passes over you as they make the first move. You barely jump out of the way, taking a large gash out of your arm. Loop laughs maniacally as they attack you wildly, not caring for proper form. They have the advantage this time. You are still recovering from looping. 

You are looping? You can still do that? You thought your were free… you're still stuck still stuck still stuck STILL STUCK-

You get broken from your spiral yet again as you have to dodge. They slash wildly at you, desperation in their movements that you sympathise with. You snap two speed boosts into you, ignoring the cooldown of the second. If you were going to do this, you were going to go all out. Damn the consequences. 

The two of you trade blows for a good while, not bothering to yell at eachother or do any one liners. A mission to harm… to kill? The other. Do you really want to kill them, the last time was a mistake… you think. They didn't dodge? What are you doing?

Your brain is muddled, the action brings back the violence you felt in that last loop. The urge to maim has not left you, turns out running through the house for almost an eternity will have that effect on you. You were never such a violent person but now you just want to destroy.

You focus on the attacks, ignoring the cooldowns as you slash, perry, dodge and attack again. The two of you have different fighting styles from your times in the house but you are much the same. Easily predicting your movements you watch as they go for the kill… expecting you to dodge no doubt.

You make a bad step and feel Loop’s dagger make its home in your chest. They have a look of shock, fear and regret. One that you must have had before the last loop. You just smile, they finally killed you, it's all that you deserve. Your existence is a stain upon the world, you took everything from them. They deserve this. 

To your disappointment you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

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“-ey will sort it out,” Odile dismisses, “it’s best that we let them be. They dont trust us very much, they know eachother better.” 

You stumble at the repeated conversation, you feel like throwing up for some reason and look around in confusion.

“With all due respect, madame,” Isa looks worried, “I’m not sure that it is such a good idea- Sif…?” 

Everyone’s attention is on you all of a sudden and you want to hide away. What happened? You know that your memory has never been the best but you typically forget things not… repeat? 

Did you loop in time? Was that what it felt like? The world around you shifts as you realize. You look up towards the afternoon sky, the cloudless expanse greets you as you stand in shock. You are being watched, the chorus of everything turns its attention to you . Somehow you have gone off script and it is displeased. Fix it fix it fix-   

“The Universe leads,” you mutter as everyone watches you with concern. “We have failed to follow.” 

You turn towards the trees, you think you have an idea as to what caused this. You need to get moving. You remember the face of that blinded sadness, it was happy about all of this. Consequences be damned.  

“Are you okay, Siffrin?” Mira asks as you shake a little. 

“We need to get to them,” you should have time, the conversation continued for a while before... “They will kill each other.” 

“How can you be so sure?” Odile asks, a hint of concern sits in her voice. 

“I- I think that they already have…” 

“What!?” Nille and Bonnie shout at the same time. 

“Bud, can you explain? That’s a pretty scary statement to make.” Isa looks at you in disbelief. 

“I-” you try before the world shakes around you, the others don't stumble as you do. “I think I looped?” 

Too late too late too late too late too late too late too late YOU ARE TOO LATE .

You feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

The two of you stumble as you place your hands on your knees. Stardust looks winded but not as much as last time. It looks like you were the one to cause that loop. How hilarious~ it’s not the one that dies that’s looping. It's the idiot who can't let go!

They stumble a little as they get back into a fighting stance. They snap their fingers and suddenly you aren't having as much fun as you were before. Winning was exhilarating but they are fueled by a rage that places that visceral shade back in their eye. 

You dodge the best you can as they take the offensive this round. You notice that that shade has shown up in the sky, you can't focus on the disappointment and rage you feel directed at you. You know you have misstepped in more than the physical sense as your stary blood gushes from a few new cuts. 

You take the pain as a reminder that this is serious. You get back into the fighting swing, spinning around Stardust in a tormented dance for a while. Your earlier stumbling has taken its toll as you finally fall to one of their attacks. Your blood is glittering with that shade as you kneel and fall over to your side. The world around you is angry, you feel your energy sap out of you.

Stardust falls to the ground with the force laying opposite to you, eyes wide with fear. You hear shouts in the distance, familiar shouts. You barely get a moment to think about that before you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

“-ey will sort it out,” Odile dismisses, “it’s best that we let them be. They dont trust us very much, they know each-” You stumble… hard . 

“Siffrin?” Mira calls out as the attention is on you again. You look up quickly, the sky is tinted with that angry shade. You are being watched, you are being told to fix it. Visceral splashes of that shade direct you to them.

“They are killing each other,” you mutter as you keep looking up. “The Universe leads.” 

“Wh-” Isa is about to ask for clarification before you interrupt him. 

“We must follow.” you snap your fingers, mindful to speed up the others before you bolt after the two. 

The rest of the team follows at their own pace, they give up on asking about what is going on. You just run, the loops are happening faster, you don't have much time. You follow your gut as you run through a sparse forest, not needing to really be mindful of trees. You panic to yourself at the implications of what’s happening. Somehow they are dying, their deaths are making The Universe mad. Deviating from its desired path… whatever that is. 

You get to the clearing and stumble as the world shakes in a familiar way. All you can see is the form of Loop in a pool of that angry shade. You try to get up but cannot as you see another heap of lightless. you have a moment to see the two reach for each other and hear the sounds of your friends shouting before you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

The two of you stumble to the ground as you cough, the grass below you stained red . You breathe for a moment, the sounds of waves fill your ears. You don't know why this is happening, why are you looping?   You look up to find that Loop is already approaching you. They look confused and angry. 

You just sit there in the grass as they attack. 

They have tears streaming from their eyes as they sink their blade into your chest. You understand it, you don't want to do this either, why do you destroy each other still? Why do you continue this cycle? Is there any saving you two?

You smile at them as they look at you with dawning horror. The world is angry everything is red and you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

“-ey will so-” Odile is interrupted as you fold over holding your head. Someone is screaming their lungs out… your throat hurts. 

Your family is suddenly around you as they try to figure out what is wrong. You try to get your breathing in order as you stare in the direction the two have left in. you push yourself up off the ground as everyone frets over you. You stumble forward for a second before you collapse again. Strong arms catch you from falling as you cough up blood, the angry shade coats the ground in front of you. Shouts of concern swim through your ears as you feel… a tug-

On 

Your

Stomach. 

<<<<<<

✦ ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽ ✧✦✧ ☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ ✦

“-ey will so-” Odile cuts herself off as you stumble but resolutely stay upright. The feeling shatters you less and you say nothing as you take a few shaky steps forward. It takes a few of them for you to get the pattern down, fully disoriented. The others question you as you walk but you don't let them slow you down. The two have proven that you do not have much time to move. 

Once you get your feet to take you into a jog and then into a sprint you speed yourself up. You can only focus on running, telling the others what is going on will take too much time. You suddenly understand how the other two managed to never tell their teams. It’s just easier to do it yourself if you don't have to explain it each time. 

You run through the forest with the efficiency of a known path. You are being watched as you are guided through the forest. You will have the time to question why The Universe seemingly needs the two around. You are grateful for it regardless, you don't know what you would do if you found either of them dead in the forest after letting them go like that. All because you were too much of a coward to admit to your fragile mental state. 

You crash through the last of the trees before the clearing and pause at the scene before you. The two of them are in front of each other on their knees. Their heads rest on the opposite’s shoulder, they are covered in cuts and blood but nothing particularly fatal it would seem. 

“Loop! Eclipse!” you shout, they both look towards you with tired expressions. “Oh thank the stars!” 

“Moonlight?” They both corak in unison. 

You run up to them sliding the last small distance on your knees. You place each of your hands on either of their cheeks. They both close their eyes at the contact and lean in the same way. You don't want to think about how you would react to a motion like that. 

“C’mere,” you mumble as you pull their faces to your shoulders, wrapping your arms around their heads. “What am I going to do with you two?”

They move easily, resting their heads on your shoulders as they sag. 

“Sorry,” Eclipse mumbles. 

“‘M sorry,” Loop sniffles, you feel your shoulders wet a little as they both sniffle. 

You panic for a moment before deciding to move your hands to their hair. You bury your hands into fluffy locks and scritch gently, attempting to keep them here with you. They have a habit of dissociating at bad times, now is a time that they need to talk about this. You feel yourself start to sniffle as the two of them silently cry into your cloak. 

“Siffrin!” Mira, being the second fastest in a forest, has caught up to you. “What happened!?” 

“Hey, Mira,” you smile a little, unable to wipe your tears, “could I get your help with healing craft?” 

“Oh!” she jumps into action as she sees the state of the two, “here, let me help.” 

“Sif!” Isa is next, the two do not react to the healing craft, obviously exhausted. 

“Hey, Isa,” you greet, “let's wait for everyone else before we talk.” 

The two currently held by you flinch at the sentence, “yeah, no. We are not letting this one slip under the rug.” 

“Moooonlighhhhtttt,” Loop gorans dramatically, Eclipse swats at them and then bap each other for a while until the rest of the team joins. Nille and Bonnie were just ahead of Odile who looked upset about running until she came upon the scene. 

“It looks like I stand corrected,” she murmurs as she walks up to the group. “What happened?” 

“Nothing,” Loop and Eclipse say at the same time. 

“Nope!” you mimic their cheer, the tone they use when teasing each other. “We looped! Four times~~!” 

“They what-?” Odile looks uncharacteristically shocked as the others have their own reactions of shock. “If what you explained before is to be held true. You loop when you die or are mentally distressed enough. Which is it?” 

The two stay silent for a moment, you remember the scene that you saw in the third loop. “They died.” 

“How can you be so sure?” Loop asks, not moving from their position. 

“I saw you bleed out,” you deadpan as Eclipse curls into themselves. “Not to mention, Mal du Pays decided to brag before the first loop.” 

“Well you’re still wrong,” Loop murmurs defiantly, "We didn't loop because of our deaths.” 

“Explain.” Odile somehow looks more scary than she sounds. 

“We looped when we mortally wounded the other,” Eclipse explains, “I didn't mean to, I never meant to kill them. I just-” they sob a little, “I thought they would dodge…” 

“I could say the same for you!” Loop looks over at them finally, “what was that! You just accepted it!” 

“Do you even have to ask!?” He shouts back, “I thought- I…” 

They trail off as they sag against you again, the two of them are silent for a moment before you speak up. “You thought that If you died it would be better… That all would be right if you weren't in the picture.” 

The two don't respond, they just breathe in pace with each other. You join in, looking up to see the looks of horror and confusion around you. You sigh and gently squeeze the two into a tighter hug, they move with you without protest. 

“I guess this is a conversation I should have started earlier,” you smile sadly to no one in particular. “I am grateful to the two of you, I owe you my life and even my sanity. Your sacrifice – while unwilling – Is the reason I even exist the way I do. I am not sure about the specifics of consciousness and all that but the fact is I would not have made it on my own. Neither of you did.” 

“You would have made it,” the two say at the same time. 

“What makes you so sure?” you ask. 

“This.” Loop gestures with their sluggish arms vaguely. 

“We were never capable of talking about our issues,” Eclipse clarifies. “You can.” 

You sit there for a moment and think about their statement. You know that the repeated days must have left their marks. You also know that you have never really talked about your issues before this. They don't remember the time before the loops very well but they must know this. You are different… Are you?

“I may not be qualified to speak,” Odile begins hesitantly, “none of you are very good at talking about this stuff. Siffrin is no better than the two of you at this, they have seen first hand what happens if you don't. They have seen you two talk about your problems; from that, they have learned.” 

“Yeah! They’re still stupid and quiet!!” Bonnie shouts, “they have been talking more now that you two are here though. You two have helped!”

“With less harsh words,” Mira wrings her hands, “you three have made great steps in talking about your problems. All of you, together! Not to mention how the two of you have been kind to all of us, we would never want you to-” 

She trails off with a squeak, you dont blame her for not being able to say it. Your own apathy to the concept proves that you aren't so ‘in the clear’ from these issues yourself. Far from it.

“Bud,” Isa sounds incredibly sad, “how long have you felt like this? Like your presence was just… stepping in it.” 

The three of you don't say anything. You remember a question that Mira had asked you not too long ago. You barely remember a traveling circus that you had joined… until. You remember finding them after, prosperous. You look towards the ground as the faces of your party reveal that your combined silence gave them their answer. 

Isa silently leans down and wraps the three of you in a hug, “I would be torn if you… left.” 

“Sol,” Loop mutters, “I- I have never been ashamed to know you…” 

“Oh…” he sniffles a little as he hugs you three tighter. “Thank you, genuinely.” 

Bonnie is the next to join in the hug, they wiggle their way in between the three of you. Becoming the middle of the hug as Nille huffs an amused noise. They just get comfortable in the embrace, not being equipped to say anything here. You feel bad that they had to witness this to any degree. Mira is the next to join, making up for the space that Isa can't quite reach. 

“You two have been so helpful, we would not have made it through the king without you-” she interrupts herself with a huff. “Yes, I know that I have to take credit for my part but… Still! You three have been through so much, I know when you told me that this was the happiest you remember being… You weren't lying. I want to beat that standard.” 

“You have incredible character, Sunshine,” they murmur, “your compassion knows no bounds. I don't know if I can live up to your expectations…” 

“Then, little jay, little raven” Odile places a hand on either of their heads. “Stay with us long enough to prove you wrong.” 

“Careful, Opal,” they smirk to themself, hidden to those currently in the group hug but heard in their voice. “You’re getting dangerously close to the ‘l’ word. I thought that the esteemed researcher was impervious to getting attached to her allies.” 

“We are not “allies”... the word does not quite cut it I would say,” Odile hesitates for a moment before continuing, you can feel the two stiffen. “But I would do anything to protect all of you. Horrible things, to be honest, as long as I could be sure you were all safe. And I think you'd all do the same for me. For anyone in our little group. So... So "allies” doesn't fit, to me, but. . .”

“But we're family, right?” Isa interrupts, looking excited. You feel the two start to shake, you can't quite pay it too much mind, not when your own shock is so overwhelming. 

“Hey, are you guys okay?” Bonnie asks as they are in the middle of the three people about to have mental breakdowns for different reasons. “Awe crab, Za, you broke ‘em!” 

“Oh no!” Isa panics as the three of you start to sniffle. 

You bury your head into Bonnie’s hat to hide from the concerned gases around you. It takes a moment as the three of you not so subtly lose composure, all breathing in shuddering gasps. You breathe in sink, iiiin and ouuuut

“I-” Loop tries in between sobs, “I never got to hear that… not without looking through Stardust.” 

“I heard it… over and over and ov-” they hiccup and stop themself, “I ruined it, the last loop that should have mattered. I threw it all away, stars I thought that I would never hear it again.” 

“I-” you feel like it's your turn to explain why you're upset but you just can't. “Huh…?”

Despite them, the two start laughing at their reaction. The tea- family… pulls back to give them room to try and drag composure back. It takes a moment before they both look at you and poke your face. 

“HEY!” you swat them away and they just giggle before sobering and looking distant. 

“I had the same reaction,” Eclipse comments, “the first time I heard those exact words… I remember it, loop fifty three. It was the last loop that I truly had hoped for a solution.” 

Everyone goes silent as they process the words, It took them that long to actually get to that point. “The last time you hoped…” you repeat as they look up. 

“It was before I learned about wish craft, before I tried to reason with the king, before a lot of my dead-end leads.” they sigh, “It was the second time I killed that blinded ǧ̴̙è̷̯ř̶ͅi̵͎̒.” 

“Greedy one,” you translate, “ravenous one. A fitting name, although I have a feeling that is not one Bonnie should repeat.” 

Bonnie, who is still sitting kind of close to the three, goes to try and say the word with a smirk of mischief. The three of you shout at once and they stop with a puzzled look on their face. 

“The Universe is already angry,” you explain, “I don't think now is a good time to test its patience.” you gently rub at your throat at the memory that is not yours. 

“The Universe is angry?” Mira questions, looking concerned. 

“It doesn't want these two dead…” you murmur, “I don't know why but it gave them back the ability to survive timecraft for a reason.” 

“Welcome to being The Universe’s favourite chew toy,” Loop looks up and glares openly, “now that you mention it, I saw an awful lot of red… I can feel its attention, revolting.” 

“Don't remind me…” Eclipse gets a distant look as they refuse to look up.

The group awkwardly watches as the two silently curse their deity. Mira looks particularly nervous about the actions, you don't get the chance to question that before Odile speaks up. 

“Now that you two aren't actively trying to gut each other,” it's ment with humor but doesn't translate well to Isa and Mira. “mind if we get some sort of proper explanation.” 

“What do you want to know,” Loop seems resigned to their fate as they take on their fake cheery attitude. 

“How did you two even end up fighting each other?” 

“The real question is how haven't we ended up gutting each other all this time?” They ask, “not like this is the first time we have gone for the throat.” 

“I mean look at them,” Eclipse dawns a wry smile, “they have such a punchable face.” 

Loop practically growls as they prepare a rebuttal. You look at the scene in front of you, everyone starts to panic thinking they will get violent again. You can see it in their demeanour, they are being playful this time. You giggle at the two stopping everyone in their tracks. 

“You're one to talk, Eclipse,” you smile at the complete opposite reactions you get. “But seriously, you two aren't typically actually violent towards each other… what happened?” 

“I didn't mean for it to get so violent,” They respond, looking down in shame. “I just felt so… angry . By the time that I sent that rock attack not realizing they wouldn't dodge it was too late. I looped as soon as they fell to the ground.” 

“I was mad that I lost,” Loop continues, “I attacked and attacked, expecting them to keep up. They were winded more than I thought from Looping, I looped before they died.” 

The two sigh for a moment before they both say in unison, “once I started I couldn't stop.” 

“Defender training taught me a lot,” Isa starts hesitantly. “When you push yourself past your limits you go into a sort of ‘survival mode’. This can be triggered after the fact, the brain will do everything it can to survive… it will turn itself off to fall back on old habits.”  

“Wake up, fight, die… repeat,” Loop murmurs. 

“Siffrin,” Odile catches your attention, “how many times did they loop again?” 

“Four,” you answer easily.

“Thank you,” she writes something down in her book before continuing. “We will come back to this issue later, for now we might have more pressing matters.” 

“We are needed for something,” they both murmur, shivering with no breeze but their chilling realizations. 

Everyone thinks on the words for a moment before you speak up. You think you have a good idea of what it is looking for, the consequences of such an ask. You debate talking about it but the look from the other two stops you in your tracks. 

“I have no idea what that would be,” you shrug with a smile. 

Odle looks at you for a moment before giving up and sighing, putting her book away. Everyone enjoys the peace for a moment before Mira squeaks in panic with a set of thuds following. 

You focus back in properly and see that both Loop and Eclipse have suddenly fainted. You quickly move over to check their pulse and see it slow but steady. It’s then that you notice their temperature. 

“Oh my Change!” Mira joins you, placing a hand on each of their foreheads. “Oh thank Change… it looks like craft exhaustion.” 

“They did use time craft twice each…” Odile remarks as Isa starts to fret over them too. 

“We should take them back to the inn,” Isa moves to scoop up Loop, “Nille, could you carry Eclipse?” 

“Sure,” she murmurs as she moves to throw him over her shoulder. 

Mira panics again at him being handled like a particularly large sack of potatoes. She gives up as Nille starters to talk again, “I will leave it for now, you all have been through a lot. Later, however, you will be explaining what in Change's name a ‘loop’ is.” 

You grimace as you realize that the only people who can reliably explain are incapacitated. You also belatedly realize that she stayed silent the whole time. You feel a sense of appreciation that hse held off her questions. 

“Of course, Nille,” you smile, “thank you for the help.” 

“Don't mention it.”

Chapter Text

Everyone takes turns on “Siffrin watch” as they call it. You think it's a little overkill that you are also a part of this watch but you suppose it's warranted. You crashed shortly after the two, craft sickness as the House’s doctors called it. The weight of time craft was mostly shouldered by the two sound asleep on one of the inn’s beds. Speaking of, you look up from your carving as you hear movement. 

“Ughhhh I feel like I fell out of a crows nest,” Loop speaks first as they struggle to sit up. 

“You look like it,” Eclipse mutters while rolling onto their side to look nauseous while hanging over the side of the bed. 

“Are you going to throw up, Eclipse?” You get up and move the bucket beside the bed.   

They just look up with a tired eye and sigh. You watch as he struggles to a seated position, Loop laughs at him. Leaving the bucket where it's accessible you wander off back to your seat and let the two wake up some more. It takes a few moments but as they yawn for a fourth time each their faces show more clarity. 

“So,” you start, feeling bad for the in sync flinching it causes. “Time craft…” 

“Not my proudest moment,” Eclipse mutters. 

“That bar is on the floor, Stardust.” 

“Says you-!”

“ Enough. ” The two stop to stare at you as you take a steadying breath. “Stop bickering for once and have a constructive conversation.” 

“You're starting to sound like the O-” Loop started to point before the door opened. 

“I implore you to finish that sentence.” Odile walks in with a smirk at the shocked expression on both of their faces. “Good to see you two awake, I waited long enough.” 

The rest of the group filters into the room, each person taking up a space. Mira goes to check on the two as Bonnie comes in with snacks. Isa leans on a wall with his arms crossed and just observes, worried eyes he's unable to properly hide. Odile takes a seat in an armchair with her notebook ready. Nille comes in last, ready for much needed answers. 

“Are you two feeling sore at all?” Mira asks as she checks Eclipse over; Loop shooed her away. “Feeling warm or weak, possibly nausea, oh! Are you-”

“We're fine, sunshine,” Loop interrupts her rambling early as they shrink into the blankets they keep around them. She sighs and moves to take a seat on the side of the bed, not going far just yet. 

“So…” Nille starts, crossing her arms and leaning against a wall. Her face barely hides her impatience, “am I going to get answers?” 

“I suppose,” Eclipse murmurs, looking at Loop before deciding to lead the charge. “Siffrin accidentally used a forgotten form of craft to trap themself in a time loop. Around noon the day before we fought the king until either we could not go on or the king was defeated.” 

You admire their ability to answer questions without giving away the most important parts. You sigh a little at the obfuscation of some very important information around their identity. NIlle takes a moment to process the information before she decides to speak again. 

“I don't know if I can believe you, sorry.” 

“I wouldn’t believe it either,” Loop shrugs, “it’s true though. There are more crazy things that have happened with less explanation.” 

Nille makes a go on motion with her wrist as she rolls her hand and you decide to take a turn. “The king was able to freeze an entire country in time?” 

“An entire island…” Eclipse looks out the window towards the ocean. “One that should be visible from here… Gone.” 

“Ah!” she snaps her hands as if remembering something, “that's why you three look familiar, we had someone who looked similar wash up on our shore a while back.” 

“How long ago?” Loop asks, looking a little hopeful despite trying to look bored. 

“Probably about five years ago?” She thinks back, “total amnesia, it was super strange.” 

The room goes silent for a moment as everyone thinks. The realization of the broken timeline seems to hit everyone at the same time. Odile is the first to mention it, “they must have left the island after it disappeared. It’s safe to assume those still on the island are still alive and well if it was that much later.” 

“Our people are still okay.” It’s supposed to be a question but you can't manage to give it the intonation required. You feel a little numb as you think, all of the people you can't properly remember but you knew existed. You had a family, a pretty big one all things considered. They might still be okay. 

“Back to the topic at hand,” Nille stares right at the other two. “Why are there three of you?”

The room pauses yet again as the two realize they have been caught. Nille continues after a moment, “I may be a simple fisherwoman but I do have some brains to me. The three of you are blind in the same eye. All look and sound the same, not to mention that you two showed up out of nowhere right before the king was defeated.”

“...I only defeated the king once,” Loop explains after a long pause, “it was not enough to grant me freedom. By that point I was too far gone to keep looking for a solution.” 

“I defeated the king with Loop’s help and spent a good while trying to find what they missed.” Eclipse picks at the bed sheet below them, “I found the answer after throwing everything away. In the end I tried to make it right for Loop and put myself in the same position as them.” 

“I’ve only looped once,” you shrug when it’s your turn.

“So, I’m assuming the two of you looped more than just a few times.” You know where she is going and by the faces so do the others, no one stops her. “How many times?” 

“Secret~!” Loop smiles and winks. 

You stare at them for a while, you were hoping to get the answer this time. You know it's stupid but you get an idea, reaching into one of your pockets you pull out a little bone you got from the kitchen the other day. You vaguely remember it’s called a wishbone, holding it with your pinky finger hooked one one side you approach the two. 

“How about we let The Universe decide?” you hold out the other side to the two. Loop glares up at you for a moment before they sigh and reach out. 

The two of you firmly hold the bone with your pinkies, close your eyes and silently express your want to The Universe. Opening your eyes at the same time you both tug. There's a quiet snap as the bone breaks, Eclipse lets out a breath as the three of you look down. 

“They looped 1385 times,” you mutter as the information is given to you and they look away quickly. 

Gasps sound out around the room at the number and you continue, “Eclipse looped 260 times.” 

“Crab…” Isa, who has been silent this whole time looks terrified. 

“That would have been years…” Odile mutters as she writes down the math. 

Mira has no words as she covers her mouth, there are tears falling from her eyes already. Bonnie, who doesn't quite get the gravity of the numbers, leans into Nille who looks disturbed. She must feel guilty for asking the question in the first place. 

“I-” You start as you take a step back, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced that, I-” 

“It’s fine…” Eclipse looks up with a fake smile, “it was bound to slip at some point~! Hahah even The Universe willed it, what a joke.” 

They look slightly manic as they giggle to themselves. Loop is completely shut down as they look off into the middle distance. You don't know what to do, you're worried to make any of this worse. Before you can start to fumble over the right answer Isa speaks up. 

“That was a lot,” he tries to keep a strong face, “let's all take a breather, you two still need lots of rest!” 

Everyone quickly takes the out for what it is, they all murmur goodnights and leave. You look back before you also leave the room for a bit and see Eclipse pulling Loop into a hug. They both settle back as he pulls the two of them down. Loop still shows no expression as they settle. 

You close the door, planning to return to watch duty after they have fallen asleep. 

“No wonder they are so different…” Mira mutters quietly in the hall of the inn. “I can’t even-” she stifles a sob. 

“Hey,” Isa moves to give her a hug, “we pretty much knew it was going to be bad, this is just… a little worse.” 

“A little?” Odile snaps incredulously, “I mean I know we can't calculate time when we know that Loop likely spent most of their time retrying smaller fights but…” 

“their notes were so detailed,” you pull out a little stack of papers that Eclipse had given to you shortly after you woke up. “It's… written in script format.” 

You look at the page detailing cues and available lines, “I ignored some of it, I thought it was crazy. Over two hundred times… even over one thousand. They kept to a script to keep things in order, to make it so they never messed up.” 

You read through some of the notes, the family tale you got but never read with Odile. The papers you barely spoke with Mira about and the favourite foods that never became relevant with Bonnie. The script was messed up from the beginning, nothing worked the way they planned but in the end, everything worked. 

“It's no wonder,” Odile starts, “it's no wonder they were there so long, they didn't change the ‘script’.”

“They did.” You remember-Mira’s body being thrown, Bonnie… “the two times I know about it was as if The Universe itself punished them. I would have stayed safe after that too.”

The room falls to silence again as everyone thinks. “I need to get some groceries!” Bonnie shouts and starts towards one of the inn rooms they have. 

“I should go help them,” Mira follows along with Nille hot on her heels. 

“I wanted to check out the library,” Odile states. “Siffrin, you will come with me.” 

“O-okay,” you don't question it much more than glancing towards Isa. 

“I'll stick around in case they need anything,” he turns towards the door, hesitating. “I'll be okay, don't look at me like that.” 

You accept his words for truth and follow after Odile. Everyone has decided to distract themselves in their own way, you don't blame them. You will enjoy the distraction as you walk quietly. 

In the library, you collect a few books you think the two will like. Plays for Loop then history and craft books for Eclipse. Half in your language and some in a few others you hope they remember besides Vaugardian. You don't know what else to do anymore. 

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You sit in the bed with a carved stick in your hands. You've forgotten the Vaugardian name for it but remember it's purpose well. Moonlight carved it for you, they did it mindlessly as they seem to have forgotten how to use it. You do not actually remember the steps, you just silently work. Making intricate squares out of spun wool. 

Stardust has been reading the same books with silent focus for the last few hours. You don't really believe that they are actually reading, they've confessed to you about the headaches they get after reading for too long. He won't mention it to the others in case anyone takes the books away. It's peaceful, some of the party are out doing their own things and the three of you are able to bask in silence. 

That is until you hear a tiny hiss and a swear. You look up through your bangs as Moonlight tries to hide their blunder. Before you can even confront him Stardust speaks up. 

“Something is on your mind.” 

“I- what?” The puzzlement is plain on their face, you hate how expressive that face can be. 

“That's the third time you've nicked yourself,” Stardust clarifies. “Come here.” 

You watch as they obey without another question, silently watching as Stardust removes his glove. You wince at the craft that he uses to heal their hand but let it go. You know that Stardust is testing their tolerance. 

“I'm fine,” Moonlight protests but lets it happen anyway. “How did you even learn that in the first place?” 

“Watched Mira enough times,” they mutter. 

“You can just… watch?” They almost pout. “No fun story? Hidden book?” 

“If you count being stuck in a prison of time a ‘fun story’ then sure~~!” You snicker to yourself.

“It’s not the hardest thing I had to learn,” Stardust finishes off with the healing and makes a small fist. “Learning rock craft was probably the hardest thing.” 

“You did have to know that to make it through the house alone,” Moonlight hops on the bed to take a seat. “Do you think it would be hard to teach me?” 

“You’ll need a lot more experience for that,”you huff, “If you want to go and hunt sadnesses, be my guest.” 

“Sparing can increase experience, can't it?” 

“I’ll wipe the floor with you,” Stardust picks up a book and continues his not-reading. 

“Awe boo,” Moonlight flops onto their back and stares at the ceiling. 

Just like that the conversation dies out, you don't hate it. The conversations between the three of you have been relatively short all things considered. All three of you prefer basking in the presence of others over actually existing beyond that. A fact that you learned in third person while watching Stardust. 

You tie off a square and place it on the small stack you are making and continue on to the next. There is no plan in mind for all of the creations. The patterns change each time and janky tension makes for a poor construction. You don't stop, you don't know when you forgot how to do this and you fear you might forget again. Memories slip through the sieve of a mind you have less than they used to but you still don't trust it.  

A good amount of time passes before you hear shuffling from beside you. Stardust moves to take Moonlight’s eyepatch off as they have fallen fast asleep. Your next square has been done for a bit, you have occupied your fingers with the little tail at the end of your tie-off point. 

“Hey,” Stardust whispers to you, reaching for a square. They take it and gently place it on Moonlight’s face. 

You watch as Moonlight barely reacts to the new weight. You lean forward with your own grin, moving a square.

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By the time that the door to the room is gently opened you have just finished balancing a light wooden chair over their sleeping form. Loop barely holds back laughter at the sight, anything and everything that's light in the room has been weaponized against him. Siffrin barely stirs, happily asleep. 

“I- what…?” Sol looks upon the scene with confusion as the others filter in behind him. “I’m glad to see you two up and well but… why?” 

You smirk and lean back, your regular clothes make the move a little less ‘you’. Normally the cloak would move around you hiding your hands. You can't seem to figure out where to put them when you don't have the cloak. 

“Woah,” Sunshine is the next to see the situation. 

“The chair is a nice touch,” Opal looks genuinely impressed as she looks at the sleeping rogue. “Well done.” She- 

She gently pats the two of you on the head, neither of you know what to do. Both stuttered by the casual affection that is no longer supposed to be reserved for you. Her face barely hides a weird sadness before she moves on. 

“You broke the ‘Siffrin’ rule!” Nova whisper-shouts, the aforementioned starts to shift. 

Everyone holds their breath as they try to move and arm and stop, “hwa?” 

You can’t hold back a little laugh at the tired noise as they wake up faster and faster to their predicament. His arms are barely able to move the books off of them as he reaches to move the wool squares from their face. 

“Goodmorning, sleepyhead~!” You mimic Loops cadence as he makes eye contact with you. 

“You seem to be weighed down with tiredness,” Loop takes a step forward. The mix of giggles and groans is reward enough. 

“This seems to have lifted your spirits,” they respond, getting better responses. 

At the same time as their pun they tried to shove up on some of the pile. Sol quickly moves to move the chair as it dangerously tips, saving them from property damage costs. The others help out the burdened rouge after watching the suffering a little bit more. The mood is much lighter than before, it's almost like nothing happened. 

“If you two are up for it,” Sunshine starts after a moment of silence. “Nille told us about a nice spot for a picnic.”  

You must have made a face at the mention cause she immediately backtracks. “I-I mean if it’s a bad idea! You don’t. Have to go?”

“It’s fine, Sunshine,” Loop steps up to fix your blunder, “It sounds like fun! We would love to go~!”

“O-okay,” she seems pacified as you try and fix your face, “are you sure?” 

“Yep!” you finally manage to get your voice to work, “that sounds like a great idea.” 

“You two are weird.” Nova blurts out after a moment of silence. 

“Bonnie!” Sol admonishes, “you can't just-” 

You take the opportunity to run and quickly grab your cloak and hat to slip out the door. Opal leads the way as Loop and Siffrin catch up. The three of you walk in step, but distinctly different. Differences are often the most obvious things, you are near silent in your almost trudge. Loop is graceful and practiced while Siffrin seems to shuffle a little. They are the only one who really makes noise despite the metal on all of your boots. 

The rest of the family catches up and you enjoy the idle chatter of everyone around you. Loop keeps a carefully moulded neutral smile on while glancing from side to side. You decide to leave them to their own devices and zone out to the short travel. 

“NILLE!” Nova shouts, drawing you from your zoning out. They rush off to a spot far enough from a cliff to be Opal-safe but close enough to enjoy the breeze. 

You sit in the grass off to the side and wait for everyone to get situated. Loop and Siffrin join you, all three of you might still like the feeling of nature. The cloud-spotted evening sky makes the grass a comfort over a bad memory. That blinded field. Innn and ouuuuut you calm down. 

Nova explains their spread with pride as people listen with rapt attention. Some time passes and you three are handed food by the enthusiastic kid. It looks like a mix of different pasta dishes, many different sauces make a mess of colours. You think they must have found a recipe book recently and got inspired. The thought puts a smirk on your face as you go to try a light sauce with what looks like lobster in it. 

…

You chew for a second and stop again.

… it- it tastes?

You place your plate on the ground before you drop it as your hands begin to shake violently. You hear a clattering from beside you as you assume Loop has done the same. Your vision blurs as you manage to keep chewing your bite of food. It tastes amazing, a creamy mix of butter and herbs mixed with a familiar seafood taste. You- you can taste it?

“Is it that bad…?” you hear a small voice ask. 

Swallowing quickly you rush to respond, “no-! no it’s-” moisture rolls down your face as you look up properly to smile, “it tastes amazing! Thank you, Nova.” 

“While I know how food motivated you three can be,” Opal, the ever observant, starts. “Crying over food is new.” 

“Are you two okay?” Sol asks, sounding worried. 

“It doesn't-” Loop mutters, completely out of it, “taste like ash.” 

“Ash?” he asks for clarification. “Has your food tasted like ash?” 

Nille huffs looking offended for the kid, “thats quite rude, Bug puts a lot of effort-” 

“Everything tasted like ash.” You quickly clarify, “everything.” 

“Ash is gross!” Nova shouts, “why didn't you two say anything before!?” 

“I-” you stammer, it's a weird thing to be mad at. “It’s been like this since well into the loops, I was assuming it was permanent. The tear dreams solidified the taste of ash for me.” 

“And Loop?” Sol probes. 

“Pretty much the same,” they mutter, out of it still. “I didn't eat much, never needed to but when I did… I started to skip to points after snack time.” 

“Well…” Nova breaks the silence, “if you can taste now! EAT UP!!” 

They cheer and point to your plates, both of you pick them up and dig in. risking a glance up you think you catch a star winking… You ignore the shiver down your spine, focusing on those around you. 

This is a moment you could keep forever.

Chapter Text

The last few days have gone by in a blur. From reading in the library for hours to doing odd jobs for extra cash and then chores on top of that. 

You find yourself walking in the crowded streets of Bambouche with Loop and Sunshine. The pace faster than you would like with your weary mind but it will do. 

“Hey Sunshine?” Loop asks, quite puzzled. “What are we doing out here again?”

“Oh… I- with the- oh gosh, you two probably don't celebrate!” She begins to ramble anxiously as you share a look with Loop. “There's a festival in a week, I don't really remember why it started but it's been going on forever. It’s more important to the coastal towns in this area than inland, not sure why…” 

“The lantern festival,” you supply, something clicks in your head, “it has a proper name, it’s the fall… ugh! I don't know the Vaugardian word for it!” 

“Are you saying that it’s a festival from the island?” Mira turns to look at you perplexed. “That would make sense why we don't remember the reason. And why it’s more popular the farther north you go!”

“It’s one of the quarter markers of the year and a harvest festival.” You feel an eye on you, a presence so cold and calculating that you can identify your sadness without looking for it. “The entire sky would be filled with floating lanterns and the sea filled with small paper boats with candles. Our contribution to the universe would double the stars i- in… oh.” 

You place a hand on your head as the headache comes, you got too close to the memory. Too specific and the Blinded Universe had to rip it from your grimy paws. Sighing, you look up as you lower your hand and plaster on a smile. “There it goes~!” 

“Awe Eclipse, It sounds like a beautiful sight,” Mira looks sad and unsure. 

“It was,” Loop has a sad smile on. 

Everyone falls to silence again as they think, you barely remember what brought up the conversation. Your reading has made you better at hanging on, able to know the facts objectively more than the actual memories you aren't allowed to have. The three of you get to your destination, a clothing store, after a while of quiet walking. 

“I don't know if you two were interested,” Sunshine pauses to breathe for a moment. “I wanted to get some nice outfits for the festival, it's been a while since I… dressed up? This will be the first festival we will get to enjoy in a while, and it's a few days long.”

“It doesn't matter if we're interested in the clothes,” Loop starts with a soft tone. “You wanted us to come hang out with you and here we are. Try on as many as you need, Sunshine.”

“Really!?” She squeals a little happy noise. 

“Of course,” you smile and walk into the store ahead of her, removing any chance of her second guessing.

The three of you have very different interests in the store. Sunshine diligently picks out different outfits. Loop sits in a chair and works on their projects while you show off silly things. It's nice, the store is relatively empty as the three of you came out early in the morning. Somehow the idea of dressing up Siffrin infiltrates both of your minds. You try on clothes to make sure they'll fit and pick out some for both you and Loop in the process. 

“Are you two getting an outfit for Siffrin?” Mira walks up to you in the middle of the two of you scheming, startling you both.

Loop gives you a look with that Smirk™ as you return it in your own way. The two of you turn to Sunshine who looks more and more concerned as the seconds go by. “Want to help us with something?” 

“Are we going to commit a crime?” She looks just about ready to accept that fact before the two of you burst out laughing.

“No, no! No crimes, more fun than that,” you say as you try to reign in your laughter. “You are completely unaware of this but… Sol has a crush on Moonlight. He tried to express it several times, and both Opal and Nova figured it out. With all of this chaos we created we kind of ruined the moment at the end there.” 

“YOU WANT TO SET UP A DATE!?” Her excitement comes out in her happy squeals, like she was reading one of her books. “Oh this will be so much fun!!” 

You two share a small smile as she dives into the mission at hand, rambling plans and ideas too fast for the two of you. The little hangout moves to a coffee shop after that as the three of you make plans with your bags of clothes and accessories (you apparently had to go to another few stores now that Sunshine was motivated. Your tea and Loop’s coffee are sipped on as you let her take the lead. It’s nice, your smile is real. You are real.

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