Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Loki and Thor arrived in 2012's New York, they were greeted by three heroes. The Scarlet Witch, Vision, and Iron Man. 

Loki recognized Iron Man as an Avenger, so he pulled his magical knives out of their pocket dimension and prepared to defend himself, but then the Scarlet Witch said, "We come in peace! Iron Man has been tamed!"

Loki blinked at her in confusion. 

The man himself removed his helmet and smirked at Loki. 

"I come in peace, oh holy God of Chaos," Iron Man said, chuckling in a condescending manner. "Please chill out, princess."

Loki scowled at him. 

"We aim to help you escape from Odin One Eye," the Scarlet Witch said. "Will you let us help you with your escape?"

"Aye!" Thor said, cheerfully. "My shield brother has left the fair land of Asgard and would like a hearth where he may rest his head!"

"Shut up, Thor!" Loki hissed. "This isn't the middle ages!" 

The Scarlet Witch knelt upon the ground and used her magic to summon a familiar book of forbidden spells. 

Loki had written it eons ago. He knew the humans had renamed it with an ominous title, but he had simply called it Cernýhold. 

"Please take what is rightfully yours," the Scarlet Witch said, while holding the book out towards Loki. "I recognize your magic as the magic of my bloodline. You are my son and I am your rightful birth mother. I will protect you against Odin One Eye, for he wrongfully kidnapped you away from my hearth."

Loki could only stand there and stare at the unfamiliar witch. He did not take the book he was offered. He simply stood there and blinked at her for several minutes. 

Then Loki cleared his throat. 

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said, incredulously. 

"You were taken as a baby," the Scarlet Witch said, with tears in her eyes. "You don't recognize me because you were taken when you were very young. But you are my son and I am your mother."

Loki shook his head, scowled at her, and shouted, "I am the second son of Odin! I am Aesir! I do not have a Midgardian mother!"

"Odin One Eye is not your father!" The Scarlet Witch shrieked, with magic in her voice. "He kidnapped you when you were a baby!"

"Lies!" Loki shrieked. 

He grabbed Thor by an elbow and teleported away with him. 

When Loki disappeared with the usual dramatic flash of green light, Wanda started crying and her husband quickly knelt down and gave her a hug. 

Tony rolled his eyes. 

He was pretty sure Wanda was wrong about Loki. He had definitely been kidnapped by Odin as a baby, but Wanda was just a psycho empty nester who would call any wizard she met one of her sons. 

Loki was way too old to be one of Wanda's missing wizard twins, but it was convenient that she had mistaken Loki for one of them. 

Vision said they needed to humor Wanda because she would start killing people if they didn't help her adopt her missing twin sons. 

I'm a good superhero, Tony thought, chuckling to himself. So I'll save the other superheroes from Wanda Maximoff. This crazy lady is powerful enough to genocide entire planets when she's angry enough, so we've gotta help her gently adopt whatever orphans she wants to adopt and prevent her from killing superheroes. 

It seemed simple enough. 

Plus, Vision was still the same person Tony had always known as Jarvis. His name was Vision now, but he was still Jarvis. 

Tony trusted Vision with his life. 

It was as simple as that. 

The magic was instinctual. Loki landed in Oklahoma and had the vague sense that he had seen the place many times before. 

When they arrived, they found that the Scarlet Witch had used her magic to appear in Oklahoma ahead of them. 

This time, she was alone and knelt with her head respectfully bent. 

Thor smiled down at her, but didn't say a word. 

"Who are you?" Loki shouted. "How did you hunt my magic, witch?!"

"I am Wanda Maximoff!" the Scarlet Witch yelled, with her eyes carefully aimed at the ground. "I am Romanian! I am your mother! I will protect you from all of your enemies and I will guard your hearth!" 

"Do not lie to me!" Loki screamed. 

"I'm Wanda Maximoff!" the Scarlet Witch insisted. "I'm your rightful birth mother!"

"No you are not, witch!" Loki shrieked. "My birth mother is a powerful witch and you are not her! You are not her!"

"I'm your godmother!" the Scarlet Witch bellowed, with thick magic in her voice. "Your soul was born inside the gas giant known as Saturn! You were a bodyless being of magic and freedom! I am the soul that created you with my magic and my body is only the body that carries my magical soul!"

Loki gasped. 

"Godmother?" Loki said, blinking at her. "You claim yourself as a fairy godmother? But you are mortal!"

"I am not mortal!" the Scarlet Witch stood and she glowed with fierce scarlet light. "Do not mistake me for human! I am a magical being that was born inside the gas giant known as Jupiter!"

Loki squinted at her. "That cannot be? You appear as an ordinary mortal witch. You are a powerful witch, but you are mortal. I have lived for many decades and you have lived three or four decades at the most?"

The Scarlet Witch shook her head, with tears streaming down her face, and softly said, "I have searched time and space for decades. I am much older than I look."

"Why have you searched time and space?" Loki whispered, furtively. 

The Scarlet Witch smiled up at him. 

"I have two sons," the Scarlet Witch said, gently. "I created them with my magic. They are fraternal twins. They are beings of pure magic, as am I, and they inhabit physical bodies when it suits them. Otherwise, they freely fly within the gas giant known as Saturn."

"Very well?" Loki said, tentatively. "But I am not one of your children. I was born in 1887." 

"Yes, Loki," the Scarlet Witch said. "Gelid Cozen Loki was born in 1887 in Paris, France on the day the Eiffel Tower was finished. Is that not so?"

Loki frowned.

There was a ringing in his ears, a pounding in his head, and a sharp blue light in his eyes. 

He fainted. 

When Prince Loki fainted, Thor dutifully caught his shield brother and tenderly lifted him into a bridal carry.  

"Do you speak the truth, witch?" Thor said, suspiciously. "You are Prince Loki's magical godmother and aim to help him escape from Asgard?"

"Yes, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said. "I want to help Loki escape from the Allfather."

"Why does he need to escape from the Allfather?" Thor said, frowning in confusion. "I thought he simply wanted to escape from my Uncle Odin Wednesday Ragnarök?"

"You came from 1887, didn't you?" the Scarlet Witch said, smiling politely at him. "Today is the year 2012, is it not?"

"Aye," Thor said. "My Prince Loki told me it is 2012."

"Your Uncle Odin deposed his father while you were gone, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said. "Odin is now Asgard's king and Allfather."

"Hmm," Thor said. "Very well? My Prince Loki is very upset with Odin. He does not want to live in Asgard because he is angry with Odin."

"I will grant you sanctuary," the Scarlet Witch said, persuasively. "I will use my magic to hide you from The Watcher."

Thor grinned. "Aye? You're powerful enough to hide from his all seeing sight?"

"Yes, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said, nodding confidently. "If you bring Loki with you to my home, you'll be hidden from The Watcher."

"Very good, mistress witch," Thor said, grinning at her. "I will come into your home and share your hearth. Please respect my shield brother. If he is disrespected, he will vanish like smoke."

"I'll respect him," the Scarlet Witch said. "I'll respect him as a prince errant?"

"Good," Thor said, chuckling heartily. "My Prince Loki is indeed a prince errant who loves nothing more than books, noble quests, and freedom." 

"I will give him the freedom to come and go as he pleases," the Scarlet Witch said, nodding firmly. "Please carry him into my home, Thor? He fell asleep because he used too much magic today. We need to help him recover."

"Aye, aye, fair witch," Thor said, cheerfully. "I will follow you into your home."

When Loki woke up he was being warmly embraced by Thor, who slept beside him on an unfamiliar bed. 

At first, he assumed Thor must have found a hostel for them, but then he realized they were inside a quaint wooden cabin. 

He teleported out of Thor's arms and summoned his knives, bracing himself for a potential conflict. 

I have to guard Thor while he sleeps, Loki thought. I cannot let the humans harm my shield brother. 

But there weren't any humans to fight against. The wooden cabin they were inside of was empty. There was only a bed, a glowing fire, and bookshelves that had been stuffed full of thick books with hardy leather covers. 

Loki squinted around, suspiciously, and used his magic to hunt for hidden mages. He knew the mages were talented with invisibility spells and he knew they liked to spy on him, but he did not find any mages. 

Shrugging to himself, Loki sent his knives back to their pocket dimension. 

Then he searched through the cabin for food, but didn't find any food. 

That's fine, Loki thought. When Thor wakes, I'll lead him outside and we'll hunt for game. Until he wakes, I must remain here to guard him against interlopers. 

"She just stowed them away in a cabin?" Tony said. "And they let her do that? I thought Loki would have stabbed her with his knives."

"Loki fainted," Vision said. "Then Thor carried him into the cabin that Wanda built for them because he wanted to give Loki a safe place to sleep."

"No kidding?" Tony said, laughing. "I've never seen Loki faint before. Did Wanda zap him with something?"

"No," Vision said. "I think Loki is suffering from a magical ailment? Something Odin did to him."

"What kind of magical ailment?" Tony said. "Something like the mind control voodoo Loki used against Clint and the other people he hypnotized?" 

"Yes," Vision said. "Something like that."

Tony shrugged. "Does that mean we're done with this orphan hunt? Now we can look for the other twin?" 

"I believe so," Vision said. "Wanda will visit Loki and Thor whenever they're willing to permit her inside of their cabin, but she'll spend most of her time searching for her other son."

"Gotcha," Tony said. "We gonna get beamed up to another timeline, then?"

"No," Vision said. "Wanda wants us to help her protect Loki. She's going to go and search for her second son, but she wants us to stay behind to protect Loki."

"Loki is a big ol' space Viking," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "He's got magic and knives and probably a bunch of poison hidden under his fancy costume. What does he need us for?"

Vision chuckled. "He needs us to help him blend in with the humans? We don't want any of them to attack him. He'll panic if they attack him and he won't hesitate to kill anyone who frightens him."

"Aha," Tony said, grinning. "We've gotta protect the civilians from the super villain your wife just adopted."

"Yes," Vision said. "We also need to prevent S.H.I.E.L.D. from capturing Loki. They'll want to study his magic the same way they studied Wanda and her brother."

"Whatever," Tony said, shrugging. "I'll be the bodyguard."

"Thank you, Tony," Vision said. "We'll both watch over Loki and Thor and we'll keep everyone safe."

"Aye aye, captain," Tony said, in amusement. 

When Thor finally woke up, he was in a good mood. He was happy to explore outside and hunt rabbits for their meal. 

Loki reminded himself, sternly, that this Thor variant was from 1887. He was much younger than the brother that Loki was used to bickering with. 

I'll need to be more polite, Loki thought. If Thor loses his temper, he might injure some of the humans. 

He was relieved to know that the Scarlet Witch had gifted them an isolated cabin in the woods. There weren't any humans around to bother them. There was nothing but trees, animals, and a large lake. 

This will be our home, Loki thought. It'll do for now. We'll find a better home when we can, but for now this will do well enough. 

After they captured a few rabbits, the two of them set to work skinning and cooking them over a campfire and Loki politely sang a few campfire songs while they worked in order to keep Thor's spirits up. 

Thor was always happy to sing along to campfire songs. He looked like he was in a pleasant mood as they sang together. 

Once the meat was cooked, Loki summoned cups and bowls from his pocket dimension and then collected water from the nearby lake.

He used his magic to clean it and then offered one of the cups to Thor. 

It was only proper for Thor to drink first, so Loki waited until Thor had tasted the water and found it satisfying. 

Then Loki allowed himself to drink.

It was only proper for Thor to taste the food first, so Loki waited until Thor had taken a hearty bite of the rabbit meat that they had cooked together. 

It looked like Thor found it satisfying. He grinned at Loki, approvingly, and said, "Are you not hungry, Prince Loki?"

"Aye," Loki said, softly. "I am hungry."

Loki finally allowed himself to eat. 

It was a good meal. 

Chapter Text

Loki was teaching a Greek Mythology class when he met the young Tony Stark. 

Stark was only in his fourth decade. He was arrogant, but his mind was as sharp as the tools he utilized in his profession. The man was no longer a university student, but he spontaneously decided to audit Loki's class because he wanted to make a study of Asgard's alien race. 

More than happy for the opportunity to gossip about Odin One Eye's political peers in the nine realms, Loki made sure to give Stark a very literal overview of which aliens were the heads of which realms. 

He even provided Stark with an astronomer's map that Stark could use in order to locate and travel to any of the eight solar systems that made up the rest of Asgard's empire.

Apparently, Earth was upset by the fact that they had been included in Asgard's empire as the ninth realm without their consent. 

Loki found this amusing. 

After he gave Stark the map of The Nine Realms, other scholars throughout the United States began visiting Loki at his university in order to interrogate him. They wanted as much information on Asgard's planet as they could get their hands on. 

Some of them were only interested in Asgard. Odin's planet was the head of the empire, after all, and they felt that the other solar systems were irrelevant. However, some of them were fascinated by all eight solar systems. They'd previously had no idea that Earth was the head of the ninth solar system in an empire that had been fought over for billions of years.  

Loki was delighted by the opportunity to dish out dirty little secrets about all of the aliens that had wronged him over the centuries. 

Karma's a bitch! Loki thought, laughing to himself. Those aliens should have been kinder to their djinn while they'd had the chance. 

The people of Earth were more intelligent than they used to be. Nowadays they had clever machines and weapons of mass destruction. If they truly wanted to, they could band together inside of a giant robot and wreck havoc on Asgard's central planet. 

Or they could attack the Vanir Queendom. Or perhaps seek out the land that the Midgardian people had once called Hades, but which the Fire Jötunns had named Muspelheim. 

The Terrans would probably start by attacking Muspelheim. 

Everyone did, once they learned hell was real. It was an easy target. 

Loki avoided discussing Muspelheim, for the most part, unless the person asking was smart enough to name the planet by its proper name. Even then, he didn't say a negative word against them. 

The Fire Jötunns had never wronged Loki, so he would prefer it if they weren't attacked unnecessarily. 

It was inevitable that they would be attacked, of course, but Loki hoped he could avoid it for as long as possible. 

Little did he know, Muspelheim was the least of his worries. 

Loki was grading essays in his office when Headmistress Maximoff popped in to visit him. 

"How are you doing, Professor Loki?" Maximoff said, with her usual politeness. 

"Very well, ma'am," Loki said, with equal politeness. "What can I do for you?"

"There is a young man in my office who claims to be one of your shield brothers," Maximoff said. "He told me his name is Hogun the Grim. Does this name sound familiar to you?"

"Yes, ma'am," Loki said. "He's one of my brother's warriors."

"Which brother, Loki?" Maximoff said, tilting her head. 

"Thor," Loki said, raising his eyebrows. "I only have one brother, Headmistress Maximoff. We aren't blood brothers, but we were raised on Asgard together."

"Aha," Maximoff said, nodding absent mindedly. "I see."

"Are you alright, Maximoff?" Loki said, frowning. "Did Hogun frighten you? His nickname is simply a nickname. He isn't as grim as his reputation would suggest."

"No, no," Maximoff said. "He is a very polite young man. I simply wanted to double check with you. I wanted to verify his identity before I allowed him to bother you."

Loki grinned at her. "That was very kind of you, ma'am."

Maximoff smiled back, nodded tersely, and then said, "I'll send him to your office? Unless you'd rather I ask him to formally schedule an appointment?"

"No need to be formal," Loki said, chuckling. "Hogun is a good warrior, a kind man, and a fond childhood friend. He may visit me whenever he likes."

"Wonderful," Maximoff said, with a dainty laugh. "I'll be sure to tell him that."

"Please do," Loki said. 

Then Maximoff left his office and Loki resumed grading the essay he'd been reading. He figured he had a few minutes to get some work done before Hogun showed himself. 

"My son recognized your name," Wanda said. "But please don't tell him anything about your native timeline. He isn't from your 616, do you hear me? He is not from 616."

"I understand," Hogun said, blinking tears out of his eyes. "I won't discuss what happened with Thanos."

"Don't you dare cry when you see him," Wanda said, sternly. "Don't call him a vampire or a zombie. Don't praise him for returning from Valhalla. He is a normal man enjoying a normal day at a normal university. He wants to be a professor. Don't ask him to be your prince. Don't ask him to go to Asgard with you. And don't tell him anything about Hela Lokisdottir."

Hogun rubbed at his eyes, cleared his throat, and said, "Yes ma'am." 

"Do you need my help?" Wanda said, gently. "Would you like me to remove some of your memories?"

"No, thank you," Hogun said, wincing. "Please don't use your magic on my mind? I would rather be sober and lucid when I see my prince."

"You can't call him your prince!" Wanda snapped. "Please don't call him your prince. You'll upset him!"

"I understand!" Hogun cried. "I will simply address him as Loki! Please let me see him, ma'am! Please!"

"May I give you a gentle little hug?" Wanda said, softly. "I won't interfere with your memories, but I would like to help you with your emotions, hmm? Give you a tranquil day and a lovely evening with Loki?"

"I am romantically infatuated with your son!" Hogun shouted. "Please do not brainwash me into behaving like a straight man!"

"I support your love!" Wanda said. "I will allow you to be gay with my son as long as he reciprocates your feelings!" 

"Thank you, ma'am!" Hogun cried, with tears leaking out of his yes. "You are a generous witch!"

"Come here, young man," Wanda murmured, opening her arms. "I will be your fairy godmother and I will help you court my son, hmm? Let me give you a hug and adopt you as one of my son in laws?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Hogun said, sniffing. "Thank you, ma'am!"

The man known as Hogun the Grim was very tall and handsome. He was blonde and powerful. Wanda knew he had super strength as soon as he wrapped his arms around her. 

He held her carefully, as lightly as if he were holding an armful of ceramic antiques, and Wanda knew she had finally found a man who would be a very good husband to her son. 

I'll help them turn their story into a lovely little fairytale, Wanda thought. First they were childhood friends, but now they will be two handsome love birds. 

After all, she was Loki's fairy godmother. 

This sort of thing was exactly what she was meant to do. 

Loki looked up from his grading when Hogun politely knocked on his door. 

"Come in, Hogun," Loki said. "Are you well?"

Hogun walked into Loki's office with his chin up, looking for all the world like a man who was about to charge onto a battle field. 

"I am very well, Loki," Hogun said, nodding excessively. 

"Is that so?" Loki said, suspiciously. "What brings you to Midgard?" 

"Might I not pop in to visit my dear friend at his university?" Hogun said, with a charming smile. "I thought I might invite you to join me on a stroll about Central Park?"

Loki chuckled. "Is that so? No foes to vanquish today?"

"Not a single enemy within my sight, Loki," Hogun said, chuckling nervously. "I thought I would prefer to put my sword down for a decade or two? Leave the warriors life behind?"

Loki grinned. "Truly?"

"Yessir," Hogun said. "Perhaps I'll take up one of those Midgardian vocations? I've always wanted to learn how to play the drums." 

Delighted to hear this, Loki stood up from his desk and said, "I will help you purchase a drum set, Hogun! I am very familiar with Midgardian instruments. I'll help you find one of those stores where they sell such things."

"Thank you, Loki," Hogun said, grinning widely. "That would be much appreciated."

Cheerfully, Loki patted Hogun upon his back and said, "But we can stop by Central Park first, if you like? I'll give you the chance to tell me about the time we've spent apart. I've not seen you in eons, Hogun."

"Aye," Hogun said. 

Then Hogun cleared his throat. 

"Yes," Hogun said. "That's right. I haven't seen you in ages, Loki. Won't you tell me what you've been up to, as well?"

"Of course, my friend," Loki said. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

As happily as two peas in a pod, the two of them set off for Central Park. 

While they were walking through Central Park, they ran into Thor. 

"Loki!" Thor said, breathlessly. "Where have you been, brother?!"

Thor was panting heavily, as if he'd just run through a bloody battlefield, and his clothing was scorched as if he'd been tumbling Fire Jötunns. 

"I've been right here in New York, Thor!" Loki said, impatiently. "What trouble have you gotten yourself into, you boorish oaf?"

Thor scowled. "I haven't seen you in eons, Loki!"

"My goodness, Prince Thor," Hogun said, tightly. "Would you behave sensibly, for once in your life?"

Thor blinked at Hogun. 

"Hogun?" Thor said. "You found Loki?"

"I wasn't hiding!" Loki said, huffing. "I thought I told you I would visit you when I had a spare moment?"

"You failed to visit me, Loki!" Thor shouted. "You simply vanished into thin air and never returned!"

"I was simply teaching the Midgardians at their university!" Loki yelled. "If you're that pressed for companionship why don't you hound your Aesir warriors, hmm? They'll be more than happy to humor your brainless quests!"

"I don't need to go on quests, Loki!" Thor screamed. "I only need my favored shield brother!"

"I don't want to be a shield brother!" Loki shrieked. "I'm not a Viking! I refuse to entertain another one of your mad quests!"

"I have an idea, Prince Thor!" Hogun shouted. "Why don't we embark on a new quest that involves lowering our swords?" 

Thor gasped. 

"Yes, Hogun!" Thor said, as anxiously as a man who was dodging a guillotine. "I would like to join you and Loki on your swordless quest!"

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said, incredulously. 

"I am going to start a boy band," Hogun announced. "I am going to be a drummer and I need a man who is willing to be a singer."

"Aha!" Loki shouted. "I love singing, Hogun! I will be your singer!"

"Excellent," Hogun said, nodding firmly. "What instruments are we missing, Loki? Might we assign one of them to Thor?"

"Hmm," Loki said, squinting at Thor. "I fear his fingers will be too clumsy?" 

"I will learn to make my fingers less clumsy, Loki!" Thor said, furiously. "Do not abandon me, Loki!"

Loki scoffed. "What on Earth are you on about, Thor?"

"Settle down, Thor," Hogun said, as sternly as a disappointed uncle. "I'll ask one of my mates to teach you how to play the guitar, hmm?"

"You're a genius, Hogun!" Loki said. "Send Thor off with one of your mates!"

"Wait!" Thor said. "Might I take the two of you to a... to a... to a fine dining establishment?"

"Excuse me?" Loki said. 

"I would love to eat lunch with you, Thor," Hogun said, breathlessly. 

Then Hogun roughly grabbed Thor by the elbow and led him away from Loki. 

Relieved, Loki simply teleported back to his office at the university. 

He needed to finish grading his essays, in any case, so it was a good thing Hogun and Thor were willing to entertain each other. 

"What have you done to Loki!" Thor shouted. 

"I haven't done a damn thing, Thor!" Hogun screamed. "Calm the hell down!"

"I won't calm down!" Thor screamed. "I haven't seen Loki in three years!"

"Very well!" Hogun said. "Loki was kidnapped by the Scarlet Witch!"

Thor cursed, as colorfully as an Irish sailor deep in his cups, and then bellowed, "Where can I find the witch that has kidnapped my Prince Loki? I must slay her!"

"No!" Hogun said, urgently. "You cannot slay her, Prince Thor! You cannot slay her!"

"I must slay her!" Thor insisted, with a glow about him that suggested lightning was about to strike. "She has taken my prince! She must be killed, Hogun!"

"She is too powerful to kill, Prince Thor!" Hogun screamed. "She cannot be killed!"

"Then I will die trying!" Thor shrieked. 

"No, Prince Thor!" Hogun yelled. "All of Asgard will weep at your loss!"

"But I've lost my Prince Loki!" Thor cried. "I've lost him!"

"How old are you, Thor?" Hogun said, scowling at him. "Which timeline are you from?"

"Timeline?" Thor said, blinking in confusion. "Hmm. I was once in the 19th century? I skipped over a hundred years with Loki because Loki said he belonged in the 21st century."

"That explains it," Hogun muttered. 

"What does it explain?" Thor said. 

"Get it together, man!" Hogun said. "You'll die a foolhardy death if you fail to learn how to hold your temper!" 

"But a mad witch has stolen my prince," Thor said, dolefully. "How am I meant to control my temper when my prince has been wrongfully taken from me?"

"I understand how you feel," Hogun said. "I feel the same, but we must conduct ourselves like clever spies."

"Spies?" Thor said. "What are we spying?"

"Espionage, Thor," Hogun said, impatiently. "We must behave ourselves like the Men in Black, hmm? I will help you rescue Prince Loki, but you must calm yourself and follow my orders, do you hear me? I am two centuries older than you, so I will be your uncle and you will be my nephew."

"Aye?" Thor said. "But who are the Men in Black, Hogun?"

Hogun groaned. 

"I will do my best, Hogun," Thor said, stoically. "Might we also recruit Volstagg and Fandral? They'll help us rescue Prince Loki, won't they?"

"Very good," Hogun said. "That is a good idea, Prince Thor. We'll also inform the Allmother. She is very fond of Loki, is she not? She'll help us save him."

"Aha!" Thor said. "I must return to Asgard in order to gather our shield brothers?"

"Yes, Thor," Hogun said. "You must return to Asgard. Don't forget to inform the Allmother herself, yes? She needs to know that the Midgardian woman known as Wanda Maximoff has put a spell on Prince Loki. The Scarlet Witch is powerful, but she isn't as powerful as the Allmother. Your mother will defeat the Scarlet Witch and we will be her foot soldiers and her trusted Men in Black."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "I will tell my mother to turn me into a man in black!"

"Wonderful," Hogun said, huffing. "Go! Now! Ask Heimdall to activate the Bifrost."

Thor nodded, looked up at the sky, and shouted, "Heimdall!"

Then he disappeared with a bright flash of golden light. 

That was the last thing Hogun saw before he lost his mind to the Scarlet Witch's hypnosis. 

Loki was grading papers in his office when Tony Stark knocked on his door. 

"What's cooking, good looking?" Stark said, smirking.

Rolling his eyes, Loki said, "What do you want, Stark?"

"I want to find myself a handsome Cinder Ezra," Stark said, chuckling. "You recognize that name, princess?"

Loki blinked. "Cinder Ezra?"

"Yup," Stark said. "Isn't that your name, Professor Ferris?"

"Ezra?" Loki said, frowning. "No. My name isn't Ezra."

"Whatever," Stark said, shrugging. "Still up for that date?" 

"Date?" Loki said, tilting his head. "Who sent you to ask me on a date?" 

"Viktor Shade," Stark said, casually examining his nails. "He said you were a sexy bisexual looking for a sexy bisexual."

Loki laughed. "Is that so?" 

"Yup," Stark said, glancing back up. "You gonna humor me or you gonna break my heart, sweetheart?" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I don't want to copulate with you."

"That's cool with me, Reindeer Games," Stark said, chuckling light heartedly. "Let's go to the movies? I'll wine and dine you, baby."

Loki grinned. "Truly?" 

"Yup," Stark said. "We'll watch one of those... hmm... chick flicks?"

"Aha!" Loki said, laughing. "I accept!"

"Sweet," Stark said. 

Stark extended a hand towards Loki. 

It was his left hand. 

Delighted by the invitation, Loki firmly grasped Stark's left hand and intertwined their fingers. 

Then he used his magic to teleport them both to the Hawtrey Movie Theater. 

That was when Wanda lost sight of her son for the first time in three years. 

What followed is a tale that would not be appropriate for Teen and Up Audiences. 

When Wanda regained control of her temper, she decided to track down Stephen Strange.

His office was always located in the same musty old mansion. 

"What do you want this time, Wanda?" Strange said, sneering at her. 

"You stole my son from me!" Wanda shrieked. "Give him back! Right now! Or so help me, I will kill every single person who lives in New York!"

"Which son have I stolen?" Strange said, flatly. 

"Loki!" Wanda shouted. "You've taken my Loki!" 

"Since when is Loki one of your sons?" Strange said. 

"His magic is the same as mine," Wanda said, scowling. "He's one of mine!"

"I think you've gotten confused, Wanda," Strange said. "Loki was born on Jötunheimr."

"He's still my son," Wanda insisted. "It doesn't matter that his alien biology is different from my own because he's a being of pure magic that is simply inhabiting an alien body." 

"Is that what you've told yourself?" Strange said, raising an eyebrow. "Or are you simply kidnapping every brunette wizard you meet in the hopes that he'll be the son you lost?"

"Give him back right fucking now!" Wanda shrieked, with magic in her voice. "Now!"

Immediately, Loki teleported into Dr. Strange's office. 

He was wearing the super villain costume that he liked to wear when he was fighting in wars. He even had the golden horns. 

"Is there something wrong, godmother?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Of course not," Wanda said, giving him a gentle smile. "I was just a little upset with Dr. Strange."

"Hmm," Loki said, tilting his head. "I'll mourn the loss if this man were to die. I hope you know that? I will grieve his death and likely be driven to suicide."

Wanda winced. "You don't need to think like that, Loki. I will not harm this man."

Dr. Strange was simply sitting behind his desk. He didn't look surprised to hear suicide threats made on his behalf. 

"I hope you know I'm not a toddling babe?" Loki said, smirking. "I don't need to be put under a microscope?" 

"Of course," Wanda said, breathlessly. "I was simply... I was simply concerned?"

"I was enjoying a wholesome movie date with Anthony Stark," Loki said, pouting. "Why would you be concerned by that, godmother?"

Wanda sighed. 

Loki wagged a finger at her. "I hope you were not tempted to watch me have a hedonistic threesome with Stark and his wife?" 

"What?!" Wanda said. 

"I am a man of many talents," Loki whispered. "I know when I'm being watched. I also know which activities are appropriate for which audiences. If I've decided to enjoy myself in a lustful manner, I will hide myself from my godmother. This only makes logical sense?"

"You don't need to lie to me, sweetie," Wanda said. "You don't need to pretend to be having a threesome when you want a bit of privacy?"

"Is that so?" Loki growled. "Then what do I need to do to win my privacy?"

"I will respect your privacy from now on!" Wanda cried. "Please don't run away from me!"

"Wonderful," Loki said, flatly. 

Then he teleported. 

Hogun was pleasantly surprised when Prince Loki teleported into his bedchamber. 

"My prince!" Hogun cried. 

"Don't say a word!" Loki said. "I will turn the lights off and you will not say a word!"

"Yes, my prince!" Hogun said. "Please don't abandon me!"

"I'm not abandoning anyone!" Loki shouted. "Silence yourself!" 

Hogun nodded. 

Then Loki snapped his fingers and plunged the room into darkness. 

Chapter Text

Frigga sent Loki to Muspelheim when she found out the Fire Jötunn Princess was infatuated with her son in law. 

"Allmother," Loki said, exasperatedly. "The Fire Princess is clearly lying? There is nothing in the Tales of Loki for her to be infatuated with."

"My dear boy," Frigga said, giggling girlishly. "You have done good work over the centuries, have you not? My daughter tells me you deserve a reward. I agree with her."

"Your daughter is a silly sapling," Loki said, huffing. "I imagine she simply wants to be rid of her husband?"

Frigga leaned forward, pinched Loki's cheek, and said, "My daughter will weep while you are gone, Moonflower. She loves you very much."

Loki pulled away from Frigga.

"Sure she does!" Loki snapped. "You are forever claiming that every princess under the sun is infatuated with me. Won't you give it a rest? I'm more than old enough to hear the truth, Allmother."

Frigga smirked. "My son in law is as beautiful as a warm firelight. When you arrive in Muspelheim you will use your magic to adjust to the temperatures. You'll shape shift and match the Fire Jötunns that live there. Your skin will be as red as their skin, but you will leave your hair as long and luxurious as the very night sky. With your raven hair and red skin, you will dazzle the Fire Jötunns and capture the heart of their eldest princess."

"Yes, yes," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Why do you want me to seduce Muspelheim's princess? What do you need from her?"

"I simply need a beautiful consort for my son in law," Frigga said, cheerfully. "And the Queen of Muspelheim has begged me to take her eldest daughter under consideration. My daughter will miss you, but she understands that her husband is a man with many women who adore him."

"Don't lie to me," Loki said, sternly. "What is the actual reason?"

Frigga sighed. 

Then her eyes began to glow as she consulted the Oracles. 

Loki waited patiently while Frigga looked into the future. 

Then, when Frigga had finished examining her vision, her eyes stopped glowing and she giggled mischievously. 

"Well?" Loki said. "What is it? What did you see in Muspelheim's future?"

"I saw a silly Aesir warrior," Frigga said, conspiratorially. "He is strong, tall, blonde, and sturdy enough to survive Muspelheim's sweltering temperatures. He does not have your shape shifting magic, so he will run around the halls of Muspelheim fully as himself. Because he is Aesir, he will not melt, and he will be infatuated with my Prince Loki as soon as he lays eyes on your fiery red skin and midnight black hair."

Loki pouted. "Must I darken my hair? I prefer my natural white."

"Yes you must," Frigga said, nodding firmly. "Please listen to your mother in law?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "You want me to seduce an Aesir warrior? To what end?"

"Hmm," Frigga said, musingly. "I would like to marry into the Aesir family?"

"Oh?" Loki said. "You aim to collect a second queendom for yourself?"

"Yes, sweetling," Frigga said, with a toothy grin. "If I want to speak with Asgard's King, I must first capture Asgard's attention. In order to do that, you must assist me by being friendly with the Aesir warrior you will encounter on Muspelheim."

"Aha!" Loki said, laughing. "I will assist you, Allmother. With my help, you will capture the heart of the Aesir King."

"But please be nice to the Muspelheim princess while you are there, Loki," Frigga said, sternly. "That girl is much younger than you, but I meant what I said when I told you she was infatuated with you."

"Uh huh," Loki said, with an aggressive grin. "I'll allow her to pretend she is infatuated with me for the sake of politics. Do you suppose the Fire Jötunn is also intending to marry the Muspelheim Kingdom with the Vanir Queendom? I could introduce her to one of the Vanir elves, if you'd like?" 

"Go ahead and take your favored Vanir elf with you to Muspelheim," Frigga said, huffing impatiently. "You'd like to keep one of them close to you, yes? Which elf have you chosen to favor, this decade?"

Loki glanced away from her. "I haven't favored any of your elves, Queen Frigga."

Frigga grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look directly into her eyes. With her magic, Frigga whispered, "Who do you favor this decade?"

Compelled by the magic to answer honestly, Loki whispered, "Hogun the Grim."

Satisfied to have received the truth from him, Frigga released his chin. 

"Very good, Prince Loki," Frigga said, nodding approvingly. "I also favor Hogun. He is a good warrior, a kind man, and a fond childhood friend. Is he not?"

Loki pouted at her as childishly as he was able. 

"Come on now," Frigga said, gently. "I won't hurt your elf."

"Your daughter might hurt my elf!" Loki shouted. "She is a woman who despises men!" 

"I know that!" Frigga said. "That is why I allowed her to marry you!"

"Silence!" Loki bellowed. 

Then he teleported. 

When Loki and Hogun arrived in Muspelheim, Loki used his magic to shield Hogun from the lava's sweltering heat. 

He also shape shifted so that he would look the way Frigga had instructed him to look. Red skin and black hair. She claimed this was vital. In order to seduce the Aesir warrior, she said, Loki would need to grow his hair out as luxuriously long as his waist and maintain its midnight black coloring. 

The long hair was irritating, but Hogun helped Loki bundle it into thick plaits down his back. 

Then the two of them set to work mingling with the Muspelheim Fire Jötunns. 

The Fire Jötunns were fascinated by Hogun's peach creamy skin and blonde hair. They fawned over him and showered him with praise. 

They were making Hogun nervous, so Loki made sure to firmly keep himself in between Hogun and the other Jötunns. He told them he was an Ice Jötunn with large parents, so they'd better behave themselves if they didn't want him to freeze them to death. 

"I will grow very tall when I am older," Loki said, aggressively grinning at a Fire Jötunn that had singed Hogun's hair while petting him. "My dam was a Frost Giant, do you hear me? If you hurt my elf one more time, you will rue the day. As soon as I am large enough, I will return to kill you. Is that what you want?"

The Fire Jötunn churlishly pouted at Loki. 

"Why won't you share your elf?" the Fire Jötunn said. "My people tell me I am a talented bed partner. My fingers are not clumsy!"

"I don't give a toss!" Loki shouted. "You have set Hogun's hair on fire with your carelessness! Look! Look for yourself!" 

Sheepishly, Hogun patted at his singed hair and said, "She did it by accident, Prince Loki."

"I care not!" Loki shrieked. "I will not see a single hair on your head harmed by these savages, Hogun!"

"Very well!" the Fire Jötunn shouted, angrily. "I will play with a lover who is less fragile!" 

"Very good," Loki said, sneering at the young Fire Jötunn. "Go and play with someone who is less fragile. Once you've learned to contain your fire, then you may mingle with the Vanir elves. Until then, you must play with your own kind!"

The Fire Jötunn grinned at Loki. "Oh? Might I play with you, then, Prince Loki?"

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Before they could properly negotiate the terms of a union, however, the Aesir warrior that Frigga had seen in her prophecy made an appearance. 

He was tall, thickly muscular, and his blonde hair was luxuriously long. He wielded a magical hammer and was hanging upside down in one of those magical booby traps that the king of Muspelheim had set up against interlopers. His hair was wildly getting into his own face as he hung there and ineffectively swung his hammer at the enemies he could not even look upon.

"You must save the Asgardian," Hogun whispered, urgently. "That man is not just any Aesir! He is Thor, God of Thunder, and the King of Asgard will start a war with Muspelheim if anything were to happen to his son!"

"I understand," Loki whispered back. "I'll rescue him from the booby trap."

Cautiously, Loki approached the Aesir prince and used his magic to release Prince Thor from the bindings. 

The God of Thunder fell and landed in a heap, but quickly sprang back up with a hearty laugh. 

Then his eyes fell on Loki and he gasped. 

"Loki!" Thor shouted. "You yet live, brother?!"

"Aye?" Loki said, blinking at him. "I am indeed Loki."

Thor grinned at him and sprang forward to hug Loki. 

Loki tolerated the unexpected hug for a few seconds, then teleported out of Thor's arms. 

"What is wrong with you, Aesir?" Loki said, scowling. "Why do you call me brother?" 

"Aesir?" Thor said, frowning. "Why do you call me Aesir?"

"Are you not Aesir?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Aye?" Thor said, tilting his head. "Why are you as red as the very sun, Loki?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Loki huffed. 

Thor hummed, thoughtfully, then squinted and cautiously said, "You are a Frost Giant by blood?" 

"Aye," Loki said. "What of it?"

"I thought you would be blue?" Thor said. "Why are you red?"

"Look around you, man!" Loki shouted. "Why would I be blue in Muspelheim? It is sweltering!"

"Yes?" Thor said. "It is a bit hot."

"A bit hot," Loki said, laughing derisively. "This Aesir prince is as stupid as he is handsome."

Thor grinned. "And you are as beautiful as you are clever, brother!"

"Do not call me brother!" Loki shrieked. "I am not your brother!"

He teleported. 

"My brother yet lives!" Thor shouted, laughing cheerfully. "Did you see him, Hogun? Did you see him?"

"Aye, Thor," Hogun said, sighing. "I saw him."

"We must find him!" Thor said. "We must rescue him from the flames and take him back to Asgard!"

"He doesn't need to be rescued from the flames, Thor!" Hogun said, scowling. "He is Jötunn! Loki's biology is naturally suited to every temperature in the universe. When he is on a cold planet his body will be cold and when he is on a hot planet his body will be hot."

"Oh?" Thor said, thoughtfully rubbing his chin. "I didn't know that."

Hogun sneered at him. "There is much you do not know, Thor of Asgard."

"Bah," Thor said. "I will still save Loki from the flames."

"Why?" Hogun said. 

"Because I miss my little brother!" Thor shouted. 

"Very well!" Hogun screamed. "I will assist you!"

Thor grinned at him. "You are a good shield brother, Hogun!" 

"Aye aye," Hogun said, grimly. 

But Thor knew to expect such peevish sulking from Hogun the Grim, so he simply laughed and cheerfully set off in search of Loki. 

"Won't you warm my bed, Prince Loki?" the Jötunn Princess whispered. "I'll be a good woman for you, hmm? You will be the man and I will be the woman."

Loki grinned at her. "Aye? Don't force yourself on my account."

"There is nothing I would love more than to be a woman," the Jötunn Princess said, seductively leaning her bosom up against his chest. "Won't you be my man, Prince Loki? Please?"

Before Loki could agree to anything, Prince Thor slammed open the door to the Jötunn Princess's bedchamber and shouted, "Unhand my brother, princess! Unhand him at once!" 

"Pardon?" the Jötunn Princess said, glaring at him. 

"Calm down," Loki said, laughing light heartedly. "It appears there has been a misunderstanding with Asgard?"

"Yes there has, Loki!" Thor said. "If you do not return to Asgard with me I will start a war with Muspelheim!"

"We will crush you, filthy Aesir!" the Jötunn Princess shrieked. "We will defend Prince Loki and we will slay every warrior you send to Muspelheim!"

"Wait!" Loki yelled. "Please calm down!"

"I will not calm down, Loki!" Thor screamed, with big fat tears streaming down his face. "You have returned from Valhalla and I will not see you harmed by this feral fire demon!"

"Excuse me?" the Jötunn Princess said. 

Loki exchanged a baffled glance with the Jötunn Princess. 

She raised an eyebrow and he shrugged at her. 

"You know what, princess?" Loki said. "Might I return to your bedchamber next month?"

"Very good, Prince Loki," the Jötunn Princess said, nodding politely. "I will see you next month."

Quickly, Loki gave her a kiss on her forehead, both of her cheeks, and her nose. 

She giggled in delight. 

"I promise to return to your bedchamber," Loki whispered. "Please wait for me?"

"Yes, sire!" the Jötunn Princess beamed at him. "I will wait patiently because I am a good woman!"

"Yes you are, princess," Loki said, reassuringly. "You are a very good woman and as beautiful as you are diplomatic."

She laughed, heartily, and smacked him on his bottom. 

Thor, of Asgard, watched this exchange with his mouth hanging open. He sniffed and wiped tears off his face. 

"Loki?" Thor said. "Are you well?" 

"Yes, yes," Loki said. "You said you would like to take me to Asgard? Very well. I will go with you."

Thor grinned. "You will?"

"Yes," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Would you calm down?"

"Yes!" Thor said, laughing. "I will calm down!"

"Marvelous," Loki muttered. 

When they finally rescued Loki from the Fire Demons, Thor asked Heimdall to activate the Bifrost. 

Then he, Loki, and Hogun finally returned to Asgard. 

As soon as they arrived on the rainbow bridge, Loki snapped his fingers and changed his skin. He was no longer red, but as white and fair skinned as he had always been. 

His hair remained thick, long, and plaited down his back in a foreign fashion, but it was the same shade of black it had always been. 

Loki is still Loki, Thor thought, nodding to himself. 

"Are you well, Prince Loki?" Hogun said, softly. "Should I alert the Vanir Queen?"

"Why would you alert her, Hogun?" Loki said, frowning at Hogun. "Am I not conducting myself as a prince errant should?"

"You are a very good prince," Hogun murmured. "But might I make the Vanir Queen aware of your plight?" 

"What plight?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"I will assist you with your plight, Loki!" Thor said. "Tell me what troubles you and I will help you!"

"Nothing is troubling me, you boorish oaf!" Loki said. "Won't you silence yourself? I tire of your grating shrieks."

Thor laughed. "Your tongue is as sharp as ever, Loki!" 

I must not call him my brother, Thor told himself, firmly. The Fire Demons have cast a nefarious spell on my brother's mind. They removed his childhood memories, but all will be well once I get him to the healer's hall. 

"What does this Aesir want with me, Hogun?" Loki said, thoughtfully. 

"He is very fond of you, Prince Loki," Hogun said. "But you don't have to humor his mad barking. We may leave whenever my fair prince wishes to leave?"

"I know that, Hogun!" Loki snapped. 

Then Loki teleported once more and was gone. 

"Drat!" Hogun said. "You have frightened Loki away from us, Prince Thor!"

"Have I?" Thor said. "What did I do to frighten him?" 

"You confused him with your idiocy!" Hogun shouted. 

"Hmm," Thor said. "Should we consult Volstagg on this matter? Perhaps he might help me with my idiocy?"

"Yes, Prince Thor," Hogun said, huffing. "That is exactly what we should do! Where is Volstagg the Enormous?" 

"He might be visiting his wife?" Thor said. 

"Very good," Hogun said, nodding. "We must visit Volstagg's wife in the hopes of locating him?"

"Aye," Thor said. 

Loki aimed to make a study of the strange Aesir. He sought out their library and grabbed as many books as he could carry, then settled down in one of the reading nooks. 

When Thor finally found Loki, Loki was reading in a library nook. 

"Loki!" Thor said, excitedly. "You didn't leave?"

Loki glanced up from the book he was reading. "Was I meant to leave?"

"No, no," Thor said. "I simply thought you had returned to Muspelheim?"

"I told the princess I would return next month," Loki huffed. "Did you not hear me say that with your own ears?"

"I did!" Thor said. "I did indeed, Prince Loki."

Loki squinted at him. "What do you want, Prince Thor?"

"I simply would like your company?" Thor said, hopefully. 

"Is that so?" Loki said, tilting his head. "Why would you like my company?" 

"Because the handsome Prince Loki is very intelligent and well read?" Thor said, hesitantly. "I would like to sit beside you while you read your books?"

"Excuse me?" Loki said. "Why would you like that?"

"Erm," Thor said, casting about for some sort of excuse. "I would like that... because I would also like to read?"

"Uh huh," Loki said. "What is the actual reason?" 

"Please don't send me away, Loki!" Thor said, urgently. "I missed you!"

Loki sneered up at him. "Why would you have missed me? We met briefly on Muspelheim and have never spoken otherwise!"

"I apologize!" Thor said. "Please don't send me away!"

Loki blinked. "Very well? You may read wherever you would like to read, Prince Thor."

"Thank you!"

"Silence yourself," Loki said. "I would prefer to read in silence." 

"Aye!" 

Loki was flirting with one of the Aesir maidens when the boorish Thor made another appearance. 

"Loki!" Thor said. "You do not need to seduce anyone!"

Loki scowled. "Fine! I will stay away from your people's maidens!"

"Wait!" Thor shouted. 

But Loki did not wait. He teleported. 

Loki was flirting with Hogun when he met Fandral the Dashing. The man was not as tall as Hogun, but he was just as dashing as his reputation would suggest. 

"Oho," Fandral said, smirking at Loki. "Do I spy a beautiful foreign prince?"

Loki chuckled. "Do I spy a handsome warrior?" 

"Aha!" Fandral said. "Do I spy a mischievous spirit?" 

Loki smirked. "Do I spy a loyal knight?" 

"Yes, sire," Fandral said, proudly thumping himself on the chest. "I am as loyal as I am dashing!" 

Hogun laughed. "I love you, Fandral!"

"I love you too, Hogun!" Fandral said, enthusiastically. "Will you quest with me, Hogun?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "I will!"

Then the two men were tearfully embracing each other like warriors that had been dramatically separated during a civil war. 

Loki blinked at them, shrugged, and said, "Should I leave you two alone together?" 

"No!" Hogun shouted. "Please do not leave me, Prince Loki!"

"Do not leave, Prince Loki!" Fandral said, extending one of his arms towards Loki. "Let us hug! All three of us, hmm? A group hug!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "Are you quite well, sire?"

"I am well!" Fandral said. "I am very happy today, Prince Loki!" 

"You clearly aren't happy?" Loki said, doubtfully. "Did you lose a loved one in a war, Fandral? Who died?"

"No one died!" Hogun shouted. "Please don't time travel, Loki! No one died!"

Loki scowled. "I'm a skilled world walker, Hogun! You know this!"

"No one died!" Fandral insisted. "Please don't time travel!"

"Very well!" Loki shouted. "Please tell me what is wrong with you people!"

"You're the one who died, Loki!" Hogun screamed, with tears streaming down his face. "Please don't leave, Prince Loki!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "I had no idea."

Fandral laughed, a tad hysterically, and yelled, "Don't leave us, Prince Loki!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I won't leave!"

Then he gave the two grieving warriors a firm hug. 

He sang them a comforting campfire song and was relieved when the two men finally calmed down. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I suppose you met one of my twins?"

"Yes, Prince Loki," Fandral said, sniffing. "He died in my arms!"

"Oh dear," Loki said, blinking bemusedly. "I'm sorry for your loss?"

"No as sorry as I am, Prince Loki!" Hogun said. "I apologize for failing to prevent your death!"

"Not to worry," Loki said, reassuringly. "Queen Frigga is a powerful sorceress. She must have used her magic to locate me? She is a talented world walker."

Fandral gasped. "Queen Frigga lives?!"

"Yes?" Loki said. "She is the monarch who leads the Vanir Queendom."

"Aye!" Hogun said, nodding. "She is indeed the monarch who leads the Vanir Queendom."

"Did you mourn her loss as well, Fandral?" Loki said, tentatively. "Would you like to come to the Vanir Queendom with me?"

"Yes, sire!" Fandral said. "Please take me with you on your travels! I will be a loyal knight!"

Loki grinned. "Truly?" 

"I vouch for him!" Hogun said, thumping Fandral upon his back. "This man is a good warrior, a kind man, and a dear childhood friend!"

"I see," Loki said, thoughtfully. "In that case, you may keep him as your companion, Hogun."

"Thank you, Prince Loki!" Hogun said. "You are as generous as you are beautiful!" 

Loki blushed, laughed, and said, "Aye!" 

Then Thor was barreling onto the courtyard they were loitering in and angrily screaming, "Do not leave me behind, Loki! Do not leave me behind!"

"Very well," Loki said, laughing even more cheerfully. "Let us all travel to the Vanir Queendom. The four of us will be merry men."

"Aye!" Fandral said. "We will be merry men!" 

"Gather around, saplings," Loki said, gently. "Hold hands in a circle and I will lead you."

Eager to do as they were told, the three men arranged themselves into a circle around Loki and held hands. 

Loki held onto Hogun with his left hand and he held Fandral with his right hand. 

The two men then held hands with their Prince Thor stood in between them and Loki teleported all three of his new knights to Frigga's palace. 

When Thor was reunited with Frigga, he cried like a frightened man who had just found his own dead mother. 

She tenderly embraced him and made comforting cooing noises while the big man sobbed hysterically. 

Loki, Hogun, and Fandral tip toed out of the room to give them privacy. 

Aha, Loki thought. This entire time, Frigga simply wanted to be reunited with one of her lost sons. 

She was a clever witch, so she'd gone about it indirectly. 

Loki laughed to himself, shrugged his shoulders, and went into Hogun's bedchamber with Fandral. 

It was a good night. 

Chapter Text

When Loki returned to Asgard, he found that the warriors had all gone mad. 

"Prince Loki!" Lady Sif shrieked. "Where have you been, you foul prince?!"

"I've been on Midgard, Lady Sif," Loki said, scowling. "What is the matter with you, you mad dog?"

Then Lady Sif dramatically threw her arms around him and shouted, "You are not allowed to leave, Prince Loki! You must not leave Asgard without your warriors!"

"Aye?" Loki said. "Did you lose your head, Lady Sif?"

"Yes I did, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif cried. "Yes I did!"

"Hmm," Loki said. 

Tentatively, he wrapped his own arms around her. 

It took her a few minutes, but after huffing and puffing for a while Lady Sif eventually calmed down enough to regain control of her breathing. 

Loki gave her a few pats upon her back. He did this in a perfunctory manner and hoped she would soon let go of him. 

"May I bite you, Prince Loki?" Lady Sif whispered. "I would like to be able to locate you with Blood Magic the next time you go missing."

"That's fine," Loki said. "Go ahead and bite me whenever you please."

Lady Sif gasped, giggled in delight, and then carefully tilted his head. 

She had to unbutton his leather tunic to find his artery, but once she'd done this she savagely bit into his neck like a vampire that had not been offered a meal in decades. 

Perhaps she hadn't. Perhaps she'd been starving herself like one of those puritanical celibates. 

It would explain why she drank so much. 

She accidentally drank too much blood. 

Loki fainted. 

When Loki woke, he found that he was being guarded by Thor, Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun. 

The lot of them were standing guard over his bed like a group of territorial werewolves. 

"Loki!" Hogun cried, tearfully. "I apologize, Prince Loki! We will never allow Lady Sif near you ever again, Prince Loki!"

Loki winced. 

He had a pounding headache. 

"The prince is in pain!" Fandral shouted. "I will alert the healers!"

Before Loki could say anything, Fandral was running out of Loki's bedchamber like a mad dog. 

Then Hogun was crying hysterically and Volstagg was giving Hogun a comforting hug. 

Loki cautiously sat up, while clutching at his head and Thor said, "Don't get up, Loki! You must rest!"

"Calm down," Loki said, sneering up at them all. "It was a misunderstanding."

"It was not a misunderstanding," Thor said, sternly. "Lady Sif drank your blood. You fainted!"

"Aye?" Loki said. "I imagine she did it by mistake?"

"You are too kind, Prince Loki!" Hogun cried. "You'll die at this rate!" 

"I'm not going to die!" Loki yelled. "I'm perfectly fine!"

"I'm glad you're well, Prince Loki," Volstagg said, smiling politely. 

Then he bundled Hogun out of Loki's bedchamber like a grandfather who was determined to look after his grandson. 

"Please be honest, brother," Thor said. "Did Lady Sif frighten you?"

"No!" Loki said. "She didn't frighten me!"

"She drank too much blood!" Thor said. 

"I suppose she might be one of those baby vampires?" Loki said, frowning thoughtfully. "She didn't know how to stop herself?"

"Yes!" Thor said. "But you should have told her you were feeling faint!"

"Hmm," Loki said, thoughtfully. "That hadn't even occurred to me."

That did it. 

Now Thor was the one crying hysterically. 

Unfortunately, Volstagg was already dealing with Hogun's crying fit. 

Loki sighed, rubbed at his forehead, then teleported.  

He landed in the Allmother's garden and found her serenely tending to her roses. 

"My dear boy," Allmother said, softly. "What has gotten into you this decade?"

"Nothing?" Loki said. "I fear it is your Asgardians who have lost their heads?"

"Mayhap," Allmother said. "Should I ask them to be more polite, darling?"

"Yes, Allmother," Loki said, huffing. "Please tell them to mind their manners!"

"Of course, honey," Allmother said. "I'll make sure they behave themselves."

Imperiously, Loki said, "See that you do."

Then he teleported once more and landed back in his bedchamber to find that Thor was still sobbing uncontrollably. 

However, as soon as he spotted Loki, Thor quickly halted his crying, hastily wiped his tears off of his cheeks, and then shouted, "I apologize!" 

"You did nothing wrong, Thor!" Loki said. "Calm down!"

"I shouldn't have allowed Lady Sif to bite you!" Thor cried. 

"You weren't even there!" Loki said. 

"I should have been there!" Thor said, looking as flustered as a man who had just witnessed a violent crime. 

"I'm fine!" Loki said. 

"You fainted!" Thor said, throwing his hands up. 

"Yes, but I always recover," Loki said. "Why are you behaving like a leaky cauldron, hmm? Get ahold of yourself!"

"Aye!" Thor said, sniffing. "I will get ahold of myself!" 

"Good!" Loki said. "If you fail to get ahold of yourself? You will not see me for at least five decades!"

Thor gasped. 

Then Thor got down on his knees and shouted, "Take me with you on your travels, Loki! Please!"

"Very well!" Loki shrieked. "Get the hell out of my bedchamber!"

"Yessir!" Thor shouted. 

He ran out of Loki's bedchamber as if he were being chased by demons. 

Loki did not leave his bedchamber for a full fortnight. He simply used his magic to summon books and meals. 

None disturbed him during this fortnight, but when Loki eventually opened the door to his bedchamber he found that Thor was standing guard at the door with Mjölnir defensively held up. 

"What are you doing, you imbecilic Viking?" Loki said. 

"I'm guarding your bedchamber," Thor said, with an awkward smile. 

"I have eyeballs!" Loki yelled. "Why are you guarding my bedchamber?"

"I cannot let anyone bite you!" Thor said. 

"I'm not a toddling babe!" Loki shrieked. 

He teleported and landed in Hogun's bedchamber. 

"My prince!" Hogun said, gasping. 

Loki had accidentally caught Hogun in bed with a young maiden. 

"I apologize!" Loki said. 

"Wait!" Hogun shouted, jumping out of his own bed like a man who had just been set on fire. "This woman is a lesbian shield sister! I was not sleeping with her!"

"Yes!" the maiden said, hastily sitting up and nodding her head. "Hogun the Grim is a gay man! He is homosexual and he is... um... crap, what did the Norse call their queer men?"

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you people?!" Loki yelled. 

"Please don't leave me, Prince Loki!" Hogun said, beseechingly. "I promise to love you and only you!"

"Why the hell would you make a silly promise like that, Hogun?" Loki said. "Have you lost your mind, sir?"

"Yes, I have!" Hogun said, angrily. "Take me with you, Prince Loki! Please!"

"Very well!" Loki said. "Where am I taking you?"

"Anywhere but here!" Hogun said, urgently. "We need to leave Asgard! Please!"

"That's fine?" Loki said. "Do you want to bring your shield sister with us?"

Hogun glanced at the young maiden that was in his bed. 

"Do you want to come with us?" Hogun said. 

"Yes!" the maiden said. "I'll be a good lesbian!" 

There was a ringing in Loki's ears, a faint blue light in his peripheral vision, and a pounding headache that threatened to pull him into another faint, but Loki fought against it and grabbed Hogun and Hogun's maiden by their elbows and then teleported back to Midgard. 

They landed in New York, New York and then were confronted by another young woman who shouted, "Lutheran Martin Bishop! Don't you dare leave without me!"

"Pardon?" Loki said, blinking at the woman in surprise.

"That's you," Hogun's maiden said, elbowing Hogun. "You are Lutheran Martin Bishop."

"Have the humans mistaken Hogun for one of their saints?" Loki said. 

"Yes they have!" the Midgardian woman said. "I don't know what this man's real name is, but I don't care! He can call himself Lancelot or Leander or the bloody tooth fairy! Please take me to Neverland with you, Mr. Bishop! Please!"

"Neverland?" Hogun said. 

"Ah," Loki said. "I believe this woman would like to go to the Vanir Queendom?"

"Yes!" the Midgardian woman said. "Please?"

"I say we should take her with us," Hogun's maiden said, chuckling. "She is very handsome, is she not?"

"I'm a very good witch," the Midgardian said, nodding. "I'm a talented sorceress, a playful magician, and I'm part merfolk!"

"Very well," Loki said. "Gather around, saplings. Hold hands and I'll take you to the Vanir Queendom."

They immediately did as they were told and allowed Loki to teleport with them. 

When they landed in the Vanir Queendom, there was another young woman waiting for them. 

This time, she was a dark elf with pale blond hair that stretched all the way to her feet. 

"My Prince!" the woman shouted, while glowing with a fearsome blue light. "How dare you leave me, Prince Hogun! Where have you been?!"

"I apologize!" Hogun said. "I was looking for Prince Loki!"

"You cannot abandon your sister!" the woman shrieked, with thick magic in her voice. "You cannot abandon me!"

"Bloody hell!" Loki said. "Will you women please contain yourselves? Hogun is only one man!"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "I'm only one man!" 

Then Hogun backed away from the three women and pointed at Loki. 

"I've fallen in love with Prince Loki!" Hogun announced. 

Loki frowned. "When did you fall in love with me?"

"Eons ago!" Hogun said, tearfully. "I apologize, Prince Loki!"

"I forgive you?" Loki said. 

"I don't care a wit!" Hogun's sister said. "I support your love, Hogun! Please stop running away from home!"

"I will go wherever my prince leads me!" Hogun shouted. "If he would like to live with the Asgardians, I will live on Asgard!"

"Me too!" the Midgardian woman said. "I'll live wherever you live, Lancelot! I love you!"

"Silence!" Loki bellowed. "You must all silence yourselves!" 

None of them silenced themselves. 

They continued bickering like mad wolves howling at the blood moon. 

Loki teleported away from them and landed in his own bedchamber. 

He found Thor there. 

"Loki!" Thor said, mournfully. 

"Silence!" Loki shouted. "You must be silent!" 

Thor nodded. 

Loki huffed, rubbed at his eyes, and then said, "What is your gripe?"

"My gripe?" Thor said. 

"What do you want from me?" Loki insisted. 

"I want to keep you safe!" Thor said. 

"Very well!" Loki said. "Will you please get into my bed and settle down? Let us take a nap together, hmm?"

"Yes, brother!" Thor said. "We will simply take a nap!"

"Good boy," Loki cooed. "Get into my bed. Now!"

"Aye aye!" Thor said. 

He threw himself into Loki's bed and began sniffling like a little boy who was battling against his own unshed tears. 

Loki got into the bed and cuddled Thor. 

Gently, he ran his fingers through Thor's hair and began to softly sing a campfire song. 

Eventually, Thor fell asleep. 

Not long after, Loki fell asleep as well. 

When he woke up, Lady Sif was pounding on the door and shouting like a mad witch. 

"Please forgive me, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif shrieked. "I'll never bite you again!"

Thor sprang up out of Loki's bed and stomped towards the door. 

To prevent an irrational warriors duel, Loki quickly teleported in front of Thor, grabbed him by the shoulders, and then pulled him towards Midgard. 

Once again, Loki found himself in New York. 

Yet again, there were Midgardians who were begging to go to Neverland. 

This time, they were a group of eight women who were eager to leave Midgard behind with Thor, God of Thunder. 

"Do you want them, Thor?" Loki said. "Should I take them back to Asgard for you?"

"No!" Thor said. "I only want you, Loki!"

"What do you mean?" Loki said, blinking. 

"I love you!" Thor cried. 

"I love you too, Thor," Loki said, huffing. "You don't want to pick one of these women? Perhaps she might be your next Jane Foster?"

"No!" Thor said. "Please don't ask me to pick a wife among women I've never laid eyes on before?"

"A wife?" Loki said, tilting his head. "I didn't realize you were looking for a wife, Thor?" 

"I'm not looking for a wife," Thor said, frowning mulishly. "I'm only looking for my Prince Loki!"

"Why would you be looking for me?" Loki said, incredulously. 

"I haven't seen you in decades, Loki!" Thor shouted. 

"Is that so?" Loki said. "Surely not? It's merely been a single decade? Two decades at the most?"

"Please don't travel without me, brother!" Thor cried. "Please!"

"Alright!" Loki said, throwing his hands up. "But what should we do about these Midgardians? I fear they will hound us wherever we go?"

The eight women were watching Thor and Loki argue while holding up their scrying glasses. 

Loki knew enough to know that these women would then show the memory to their companions. 

"What if we travel with the Guardians of the Galaxy?" Thor said, tentatively. "The people beyond Terra will not hound us?"

"Brilliant," Loki said, nodding. "That suits me fine. Where can we find them?" 

"Wait!" one of the women shouted. "Please don't leave, Merlin!"

"His name isn't Merlin!" Loki said, impatiently. "His name is Thor!"

"I don't give a damn about Thor!" the woman screamed. "I love you, Loki Wordsmith! Please take me with you!" 

"Oh?" Loki said. "You know my name?"

Then the other women were urgently screaming things like, "Loki is the silver tongued prince!"

And, "Loki Liesmith is the God of Chaos!"

And, "Loki is the mother of monsters!"

And, "Loki Silver-tongue is the god of fire and ice. He is the god of story telling, wisdom, and he is Father Time himself!" 

Loki frowned at them in confusion. 

"Why are you boorish Midgardians granting me silly titles?" Loki said. "Thor already said he doesn't want a Midgardian wife?" 

"I'd rather marry Prince Loki!" one of the women shrieked. "I was only pretending to like Thor because I wanted Prince Loki to take me with him!"

"Nice try," Loki said, laughing. "You won't fool me with nonsense like that."

Then the woman burst into tears and her companions quickly put their arms around her and gave her comforting head pats. 

Loki winced, glanced back at Thor, and said, "Might you take one of them as a companion, Thor? These women are worshipping you as their god."

"Aye," Thor said, softly. "But I will only take one of them. You must pick for me, Loki."

"Must I?" Loki said. "Why must I?"

"It would please the magic?" Thor said, hesitantly. 

Loki laughed. "You sound like Volstagg when you spout nonsense like that, Thor."

"I apologize?" Thor said. 

Loki shrugged. 

He looked back at the eight Midgardian women. 

One of them was shorter than the rest. She had shorn her hair down and her clothing was androgynous, giving her a rather boyish look. 

Loki pointed at her. 

"Will you come with us, ma'am?" Loki said. "I hope you've informed your parents that you'll be gone?"

"Yessir!" She said. "I've told them that I'm leaving on a dire quest!"

"How old are you, sapling?" Loki said. 

"I'm forty seven years old, sir," the woman said, nodding firmly. "I realize I look a bit younger than that, but I was simply born to be a short woman. I will not grow taller, but I'm not a teenage boy or a teenage girl. I'm simply a short woman with a lesbian countenance." 

"Very good," Loki said. "You may come with us and you may join us until my brother would prefer you to leave. Does that suit you?"

"Yessir!" She said, holding out her left hand. "Please take me with you? I have magic, so I'll be useful when you join the Guardians of the Galaxy."

"Excellent!" Loki said. 

He took her hand. 

Then he extended his other hand towards Thor, who quickly intertwined their fingers together. 

From there, the three of them enjoyed a glorious quest with the Guardians of the Galaxy. 

But that tale would not be suitable for Teen and Up Audiences. 

When Loki returned to Asgard once more, he found that the warriors were still behaving like rabid werewolves. 

"Prince Loki!" Fandral shouted. "Where have you been?!"

"I was with Thor!" Loki said, huffing. "We were questing with his favored Galaxy Guardians!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "We were questing."

"Why didn't you take me with you?" Fandral said, looking wounded. "I'm a good warrior, Loki! I'm very strong and I'm very dashing!"

"Aye?" Loki said. "I didn't realize you wanted to adventure with the Galaxy Guardians?"

"I would like to adventure anywhere my Prince Loki is adventuring!" Fandral said, tearfully. "I would like to keep my Prince Loki safe from the feral vampires!"

"What feral vampires?" Loki said, rolling his eyes. "There weren't any vampires on Pluto, Fandral!"

"Is that where you were?" Fandral said, gasping. "This whole time you were simply battling with the savages on that puny dwarf planet?"

"Aye," Thor said, solemnly. "I kept Loki safe, Fandral. You don't need to concern yourself?" 

"I am burdened with glorious purpose!" Fandral shouted. "I must protect Prince Loki from every foe that would dare harm him!"

"Have you gone insane, Fandral?" Loki said. "Since when am I yours to protect?"

"Since I fell in love with you!" Fandral yelled. 

"Don't lie to me!" Loki shrieked. 

Then he teleported away from them and landed in the Allmother's garden. 

"I'm done with this farce!" Loki shouted. "You will tell me the truth, Allmother! If you fail to tell me the truth, you will never see me again!"

"Very well?" Allmother said. "What truth do you seek, son?"

"You have cast a wicked spell over the people of Asgard," Loki growled. "Tell me what you have done to my people!"

"I've done nothing," Allmother said, with her chin raised. "I find your accusation offensive."

"I find your smarmy arrogance offensive!" Loki screamed. "You will tell me the truth, else I will never return to Asgard!"

"I've already told you the truth," Allmother said. "I've done nothing."

"You've mistaken me for a fool?" Loki said. "I won't accept this!"

"What tomfoolery have you gotten yourself into?" Allmother said. "Why does my son bite his thumb at me?"

"Why does my mother magically compel the people of Asgard to chase after me like lions who've just smelled a gazelle?" Loki said, sneering at her. "Why does my stupid little fairy godmother interfere with the people who are not her people, hmm?"

"Not my people?" Allmother said. "What do you mean, son?"

Loki pointed an accusing finger at her. "You are not Aesir, foul witch!"

"Yes," Allmother said. "I'm not Aesir."

"Nor are you Vanir!" Loki said, hotly. "You might have told your husband that you were Vanir, but this was a bald faced lie!"

"Yes," Allmother said. "It was a lie."

"What are you?" Loki said. "I will have the truth from you! You will never see me again if you fail to give me the truth!"

"Very well," Allmother said. "I am a Skrull."

Loki blinked. 

Then he simply stood there and carefully thought about all that he knew concerning Asgard's Allmother. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Are you the woman who gave birth to Thanos?"

"Yes," Allmother said. "You've hit the nail upon its head."

"Do not lie to me!" Loki shouted. 

"Why would I lie?" Allmother said. "My son is an intelligent man."

"You cannot simply agree with every theory I throw at you," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "You realize it is suspicious when you agree with me?"

"Oh?" Allmother said. "What would you have me do instead?"

Loki pouted at her. 

The Allmother mimicked his expression. She pouted back at him. 

Then Loki squinted and said, "Where did you come from, witch?"

"From the planet known as Pluto," Allmother said. 

"Uh huh," Loki said. "Is that the tale you've chosen this century?"

"Yes, Loki," Allmother said. "Much as you yourself have chosen to tell the people that you are the second son of Odin."

Loki winced. 

"We are the same, Loki," Allmother said. "Won't you trust me to look after your welfare?"

"I'm not a toddling babe!" Loki yelled, stomping his foot. "I will look after my own welfare!"

"Honey," Allmother said, exasperatedly. "I hope you realize that the vampires chase after you because they recognize the scent of an equal? You are a vampire. They are vampires. They want a man who will enjoy their immortality with them. They want a man who will drink their blood and also allow them to drink his own blood. They want a man who is beautiful, brave, and intelligent."

"Lies upon lies upon lies!" Loki said.  

"When you hear a tale that you feel is too good to be true," Allmother said, while placing her hands upon her hips. "You simply call it a lie. I know this well, son. However, one day, you will use your own eyeballs and witness the people who surround you. They love you. One day, you will believe that they love you."

"They don't love me!" Loki cried. "They love Thor! They only tolerate me because you tricked Thor into thinking I was his brother!" 

With a crash, Thor himself used Mjölnir to knock down the largest tree in the Allmother's garden. 

"Aha!" Thor shouted, triumphantly. "I have freed you from the Allmother's wicked Djinn Spellwork, Prince Loki! Please run away from here and never return!"

"No!" Allmother shrieked. "You cannot release my snowflake!"

"I've already released him!" Thor yelled, laughing gleefully. "He will never again fall under your wicked spell, witch!"

Loki blinked at the fallen tree. 

"Djinn Spellwork?" Loki said, chuckling anxiously. "You jest?"

"I do not jest, Prince Loki," Thor said, solemnly. "Won't you please run away from my evil stepmother? She would like to admire you like a fish in a birdcage. Please seek your freedom, my prince."

Loki scowled. "This is another theatrical farce?"

"Yes, Loki!" Allmother said, urgently. "Your silly brother is simply joking."

Loki wagged a finger at her. 

"You are no mother of mine, Allmother," Loki said, smirking. "You are not my blood mother. You are not my mother in law. You are not my godmother and you are not my Dame Gothel. Therefore, I will ignore you."

"Thank you, Loki!" Thor said, grinning widely. "Please ignore this naughty witch!"

Rather dramatically, the Allmother began to weep like a distressed damsel. 

Loki rolled his eyes. 

Then he held his left hand out towards Thor. 

"Come away with me, King Thor?" Loki said. "I'll be a good shield brother?"

"I'll also be a good shield brother, Prince Loki," Thor said, nodding firmly. "Please know that I will never cage you."

"Aye," Loki said. "I recognize these words to be true."

Thor took Loki's hand and intertwined their fingers. 

Then Loki finally escaped from the Allmother's far reaching sight. 

What followed was a familiar tale in which the Scarlet Witch lost her temper and attempted to murder all of the superheroes that stood between her and the young man she had mistaken for one of her sons. 

T'was a tale as old as time itself. 

Fortunately, the superheroes in question were Eternal. 

The Scarlet Witch was disappointed to find that none of them could be killed. 

Then she was captured by Dr. Strange and sent back to Pleasantville, a small village on Mercury's planet which was dedicated to containing Wanda Maximoff variants who had lost control of their tempers. 

The rest is history. 

"I know you're a Sea Giant, Loki!" Lady Sif bellowed, at the top of her lungs. "You have been revealed as the evil sea witch that the Midgardians knew as Ursula!"

Loki dropped the book he was reading because he was laughing uncontrollably. 

"Don't even dare to deny it!" Lady Sif shrieked. "I know all, Loki! You are a merman, Loki! I know all!" 

"Yes, yes," Loki said, forcefully halting his laughter. "You are quite right, Lady Sif. Tis I, Ursula the Sea Witch. What can I do for you, fair lady?"

Lady Sif scowled at him. "I will not be seduced by your siren song! I'm not to be mistaken for a lustful sailor!"

Loki smirked at her. "Why would I want to seduce such a boorish oaf?"

Lady Sif blushed, huffed, and then said, "You must be kind to Prince Thor!" 

"Must I?" Loki said, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. "Why must I?"

"He weeps in his bedchamber!" Lady Sif shouted. "My Prince Thor is weeping over you! You must have seduced him with your siren song!"

"My goodness," Loki said, exaggeratedly placing his hand over his own heart. "What will you do about this, Lady Sif? How will you rescue him from my siren song?"

Lady Sif blinked. 

She simply stood there blinking for a full minute. 

Squinting suspiciously, Lady Sif then said, "You'll allow me to rescue him?"

"Of course, Lady Sif," Loki said, chuckling. "Why wouldn't I allow it?"

"Haven't you turned Prince Thor into one of your concubines?" Lady Sif said. 

"Concubine?" Loki said, falling into a fit of laughter once more. 

He laughed so hard he found himself unable to speak further. 

"Stop laughing!" Lady Sif yelled. "This is no laughing matter, Loki! You must release my Prince Thor! You have cast a wicked spell on my fair prince!"

Loki continued laughing, a tad hysterically, and could not speak. 

"My Prince Thor is the fairest in the land!" Lady Sif screamed. "He deserves a wife who will love and respect him, not an evil Sea Witch!" 

"Aye!" Loki said, breathlessly. "I must release him from my spell!"

Then Loki was overtaken by another fit of laughter. 

Thor himself chose that moment to turn up. He didn't say a word, simply grabbed Lady Sif from around her waist and hoisted her over his shoulder. 

"Unhand me, Prince Thor!" Lady Sif yelled. "I am here to defend your honor!"

Loki continued laughing while Thor carried Lady Sif away. 

Three decades later, Lady Sif approached Loki with all the hesitance of a naughty school girl. 

"I apologize for calling you a Sea Witch," Lady Sif said, stiffly. "I see now that you are simply a merman and I am simply a vampire."

"Is that so?" Loki said, smirking.

"Yes!" Lady Sif said, hotly. "I apologize for losing my mind to blood lust!"

"Forgiven," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Is that all?"

"No!" Lady Sif said. "It is not all!"

"What do you want from me, Lady Sif?" Loki said. 

"I have not seen you in three decades, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif shouted, angrily. "I demand to see my Prince Loki more often!"

"Why would you make such a silly demand?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

Lady Sif frowned, thoughtfully, and then said, "Because I've fallen prey to your siren song?"

"Oho," Loki said. "Is the fair Lady Sif terribly thirsty?"

"Yes!" Lady Sif said, stomping her foot. "I am thirsty!"

Then Thor hastily ran into the room and shouted, "You must not bite my Prince Loki!"

"But I'm terribly thirsty, Prince Thor!" Lady Sif wailed, as desperately as a starving vampire.

"Bite me instead, Lady Sif!" Thor said. 

Lady Sif gasped. 

Then she grinned at Thor, blushed like a virgin bride, and said, "Truly?"

"Yes!" Thor said. "Come here, Lady Sif. Please leave Loki alone?"

They both glanced at Loki. 

Loki gave them an approving smile. 

"Please enjoy yourselves, saplings," Loki said, nodding firmly. "I will not weep? I swear not to weep. Therefore, please drink each others blood and form the union of a shield brother and a shield sister?"

"Aha!" Lady Sif shouted, excitedly. "We have received permission to behave like vampires, Prince Thor!"

"I understand, Lady Sif," Thor said, coaxingly. "Let's go to my bedchamber and leave Loki alone, aye?"

"Yes, my prince!" Lady Sif said, eagerly. "I will follow wherever my handsome Prince Thor leads me!"

"Good job, you silly saplings," Loki said, huffing. "Would you hurry up and leave?"

They finally left and Loki was granted the privacy to resume his studies in peace. He was carefully going over the branches of Yggdrasil and aimed to understand the full scope of The Bootstrap Paradox's mathematical mechanics. 

There was much work to be done. 

Chapter Text

Thor was looking for Loki in Vanaheim's library. There were more shelves than in Asgard's library. There were more scholars. There were more books, more students, and more visitors from Midgard than Thor had ever seen before. 

It was difficult to spot Loki amid the crowd, but eventually Thor noticed that Loki was having a discussion with a group of women. 

The women who surrounded Loki had each copied Loki's hairstyle. Each of them had a long and thick braid down their backs and each of them had glistening hair that was as dark as a crow's wing. 

They must have used magic to copy Loki's hair color, Thor thought. Most of the women in Vanaheim are blonde and most of Midgard's women are mousy brunettes. 

There was nothing Loki loved more than teaching his favored subject, so Thor politely stood nearby to listen to Loki's lecture. 

"Then Artemis the huntress made her escape," Loki told his students. "Apollo chased after her in his golden chariot, but he never caught her. That is how the moon and the sun settled their orbits around Earth. Occasionally, you will spy the moon in the sky even while the sun is up. Artemis is teasing Apollo when you see this. She is giving him a glimpse of her beauty, but she'll never allow him to touch her. They must live apart."

Thor chuckled. The story was as familiar to him as the campfire songs that were repeated during every Yule in Asgard's Feasting Hall.  

Loki looked up, spotted Thor, and grinned. 

Unused to such an expression, Thor could only stand there and blink at him. 

Then Loki turned to his women and apologetically said, "Might I leave you in the care of another scholar, saplings? I have other matters to attend to."

The women gave him assurances that they would be fine without him. They only asked for goodbye hugs from their favored professor. 

Quickly, Loki hugged each of them in a perfunctory manner, looking as if he was in a hurry to leave, and then he walked away from the group of women and approached Thor. 

"The God of Thunder," Loki said, smirking like a snake that had just spotted his meal. "Why does this big Aesir grace the scholar's library, hmm? Are you looking for your dead brother?"

Thor winced. 

"Ah, I apologize," Loki said, chuckling nervously. "Your mother told me what happened to my twin."

Stiffly, Thor nodded. 

You must not confuse Loki for his doppelganger, Mother had said. His memories have not been tampered with. He has not been cursed. He is simply a man who was born and raised on the Frost Giant's planet. He doesn't know you because he was not raised on Asgard. 

"You aren't my dead brother," Thor said, softly. "I will not hound you, Loki."

"Bah," Loki said, waving this off. "I haven't been hounded. When was I hounded?"

Thor looked down at his feet. "Volstagg told me I hounded you while you were attempting to court the Fire Princess. He said it was rude of me to disrupt your courtship. I apologize?"

"That wasn't a courtship," Loki said, chuckling. "We were simply playing. Don't trouble yourself." 

"I am troubled," Thor said, sighing. "I simply misunderstood the courtship between Jötunns? I thought she would burn you."

"How would she burn me?" Loki said, blinking. "I'm also a Jötunn."

"I misunderstood your biology," Thor said. "I thought she was a Fire Jötunn and that you were a Frost Jötunn. I thought you would suffer under her heat?"

"Aha," Loki said, laughing heartily. "There is no difference, biologically speaking, between the Fire and the Frost Jötunns. If a Fire Jötunn were to travel to the Frost Realm, she would simply change herself. She would turn blue. And when a Frost Jötunn travels to the Fire Realm, she will also change herself. She will turn red."

"I realize that now," Thor said, nodding politely. "However, when I interrupted your courtship, I did not realize it." 

"No matter," Loki said, patting Thor on the shoulder. "It will lay quietly in the past. Let us forget about your misunderstanding. Your brother has been returned to you, eh? Allow me to take the place of the Loki that went missing."

"No, no," Thor said, shaking his head. "You must not do that."

Loki frowned. "I must not?" 

"I know that you were raised with Frost Giants," Thor said. "Ah! I mean, Frost Jötunns."

"I'm no longer suitable as a brother?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "Because I don't know enough about Asgard's culture?"

"No!" Thor said. "You are still suitable, Loki!" 

"Then what are you saying?" Loki said, huffing. "Am I meant to conduct myself as your brother or am I meant to banish myself as an imposter?" 

"You aren't obligated to banish yourself!" Thor said, urgently. "But you don't need to conduct yourself in any particular way?"

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said, with a peevish scowl. 

Thor frowned, felt flustered, and did not know what to say. 

The two of them stood there in silence for a moment. 

That was when Hogun turned up, laughed, and said, "My prince! What troubles you, Prince Loki? Is this naughty Aesir hounding you?" 

"He isn't hounding me!" Loki shouted. 

Then Loki teleported. 

"Hades in a cauldron," Hogun said, scowling at Thor. "What did you say to my Loki?"

"I simply told him that I didn't want him to conduct himself in any particular way," Thor said. "Then he looked at me as if I had spat in his face?"

Hogun smacked Thor on his shoulder. 

"You confused him, Prince Thor!" Hogun said, angrily. "You've confused him!"

"How did I confuse him?" Thor said, plaintively. "How might I help him with his confusion?"

"We must ask Volstagg," Hogun said, nodding firmly. "Volstagg is as wise as Saint Nick himself. We will ask him how to help Loki with his confusion."

"Aha," Thor said, grinning at Hogun. "Do you think Volstagg is still enjoying his holiday with his wife?"

"Must be," Hogun said. "But if he isn't, perhaps we can ask Volstagg's wife for advice instead?"

"I will take any advice I am given!" Thor said. 

"You are a good prince," Hogun said, approvingly. "You will be a good Aesir, will you not?"

"I will be a very good Aesir," Thor said, cheerfully. "And I will help Loki with anything that he needs help with!" 

"Atta boy," Hogun said, chuckling. "You're a good lad."

"You are a good shield brother, Hogun!" Thor said, tearfully. "Thank you for being kind to Loki!" 

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Thank you for also being kind to Loki!"

Impulsively, the two of them embraced. 

Then they went off in search of Volstagg and his wife. 

"May I change my hair back, Allmother?" Loki said. "I tire of this long hair. I nearly tripped over it in the Feasting Hall this morning!"

Frigga pouted at him. "But you are as beautiful as Snow White when you allow your lovely raven locks to grow as long as a waterfall."

"I care not," Loki huffed. "Might I at least shorten it to my shoulders?"

"Very well," Frigga said, nodding graciously. "You may shorten it to your shoulders, but will you please maintain the dark coloring? My son prefers you as a brunette."

"You speak of Thor?" Loki said. "God of Thunder?"

"Yes, sweetling," Frigga said. "Isn't he handsome? Isn't he as strong as he is gallant?"

"He's tiresome," Loki said. "I apologize, Allmother, but your youngest son is an insipid little fool." 

Frigga sighed. 

"Why didn't you simply tell me you had lost your sapling?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "I could have gone directly to Asgard in order to fetch him for you?"

"There was a prophecy," Frigga said, leaning forward and lowering her voice conspiratorially. "In my prophecy, I saw that my son would meet the beautiful Prince Loki in a sweltering volcanic pit. You had lovely red skin and long dark hair and my son fell in love with you as soon as he set eyes on you. I needed to make sure that his first impression of you would be as flaming hot as Ragnarök, you see?"

"Yes, yes," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Are you telling me you would prefer that I change my skin while I'm here in Vanaheim? If I were to carry red skin while here, I fear I would freeze to death. Please don't ask me to do that?" 

"I would not ask you to do such a thing," Frigga said. "Simply maintain your lovely hair?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "I won't cut my hair."

Frigga grinned. "Thank you, darling."

"But why do you want me to charm Thor?" Loki said, suspiciously. "Fandral the Dashing told me you already had a union with King Odin. You are one of his favored consorts."

"This is true," Frigga said, nodding. 

Loki smirked at her. "Do you have plans for Asgard's Kingdom? You aim to depose King Odin and take his throne in its entirety?"

Frigga coyly glanced away, giggling. 

Loki wagged a finger at her. "I'm wise to your schemes, Allmother. Won't you let me help you?"

"You may help me," Frigga murmured. "You will help me by marrying Prince Thor."

"Oh?" Loki said. "Must I conduct myself as a princess, then? King Odin is a traditionalist. He wouldn't let his son marry a man."

"Fortunately, my beautiful son in law is neither a man nor a woman," Frigga said, gleefully. "You will be able to conduct yourself as a man because Thor enjoys men, but Odin will allow the marriage because you have a womb. You'll marry Thor as his queen, but you will still be fully yourself. You will be a man when you please and you will be a woman when you please."

Loki thought this over for a few minutes. 

Frigga waited patiently. 

Then Loki said, "What about your daughter? Won't she protest the loss of her husband?"

"I'll explain that this is for the good of Vanaheim," Frigga said. "This is your glorious purpose, Loki. You must marry Prince Thor in order to help me, hmm?"

"Very well," Loki said. "I'll begin a courtship."

"Thank you, honey," Frigga said. "I'll help you court my son."

Loki nodded. 

Then he extended his left hand towards her. 

Frigga shook his hand with her own left hand. 

With that, a deal was struck. 

It was magically binding. 

Years later, when Thor discovered the deal, he would be upset. 

But Loki didn't know that yet. 

When Thor found Loki again, Loki had undone his hair braid. He was brushing his long hair in Vanaheim's garden while sitting on a stone bench beside a pond. 

While Loki brushed his hair, he sang a familiar melody. 

"Dancing bears," Loki sang. "Painted wings. Things I almost remember. And a song, someone sings. Things I yearn to remember." 

The song nearly moved Thor to tears. He had not heard Loki sing the familiar lullaby in decades. 

Loki glanced up, spotted Thor, and then blushed. 

"I apologize, Prince Thor!" Loki said, hastily standing up. "I will go elsewhere!" 

"Wait!" Thor said. "Don't leave, Prince Loki!" 

Loki dropped his hairbrush. "Aye! I will not leave!"

Thor winced. 

Loki scrambled to pick his hairbrush back up. 

"You may leave whenever you wish to leave, Prince Loki!" Thor said. "But please don't leave unless you wish to leave?"

Kneeling in the grass while holding his hairbrush, Loki blinked up at Thor and said, "Pardon?" 

Thor quickly knelt beside him. 

"I apologize," Thor murmured. "I didn't mean to confuse you. Will you please treat me as your shield brother? I will not harm you. I will not order you about the castle like Cinder Ezra. I will not capture you and I will not chase you."

Loki frowned. 

Thor did his best to smile politely. 

Then Loki snapped his fingers. His hair magically bound itself into its hair braid once more and his brush disappeared. 

"I apologize," Loki said, stiffly. "I should not have allowed you to lay your eyes on unbound hair."

"Why?" Thor said, gently. 

"It is very rude?" Loki said. 

"It is?" Thor said. 

"Here on Vanaheim it would be considered very rude," Loki said, huffing. "Is that not the case on Asgard?"

"No," Thor said. "It isn't the case on Asgard."

Loki laughed, looked relieved, and then said, "Bah. I apologize anyway?" 

"I accept your apology?" Thor said. 

Laughing like a delighted schoolboy, Loki gallantly extended a hand towards Thor. 

"Might we leave the Vanaheim Queendom?" Loki said. "I tire of the politics."

"Aye!" Thor said. "Please take me with you on your travels, Prince Loki."

They grasped hands. 

Then Loki pulled Thor through a portal. 

They landed in Asgard's courtyard. 

"Prince Loki!" an Asgardian maiden shouted, as soon as she spotted them. "You are permitted to flirt with Asgard's maidens, Prince Loki! Please don't run away from me, Prince Loki!" 

Loki blinked at her. "Aye?"

Then he glanced at Thor. 

"Is it permitted, Prince Thor?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Everything you would like to do on Asgard is permitted, Loki!" Thor said. "You may flirt with any maidens you would like to flirt with, but please know you don't need to marry any of our maidens to gain Asgardian citizenship. You have already been granted Asgardian citizenship."

"Aha!" Loki said. "Wonderful!"

Then Loki opened his arms, grinned at the Asgardian maiden, and said, "Won't you give me a hug, sapling? I'm the Daddy here!"

Giggling in delight, the maiden threw herself into Loki's embrace. 

"Yes you are, sire!" the maiden said, enthusiastically. "You are the Daddy and I am your Hela Lokisdottir!"

Thor frowned at the maiden. "You are not Hela Odinsdottir."

"Bah," Loki said, laughing cheerfully. "She may call herself whatever she wishes to call herself."

The maiden gave Loki a kiss on his cheek. 

"May I call myself Lila Lokisdottir?" the maiden said, flirtatiously. "Might I conduct myself as your loyal maiden?" 

"Aye!" Loki said. "I will be a very good Daddy. I will teach you all that I know. My fingers are clever, my tongue is skilled, and I will warm your bed whenever you permit me to do so." 

"Yes!" Lila Lokisdottir shouted. "Thank you, sire! My fingers are also clever and my tongue is also skilled! Please allow me to serve you as faithfully as a worshipper!" 

Thor blinked at them. 

Loki looked over at Thor and hesitantly said, "Might I meet you in the Feasting Hall when it is time to dine, Prince Thor?" 

"Of course!" Thor said. "I will see you when it is time to dine!"

"Marvelous!" Loki said. "Come with me, Lila Lokisdottir! We have much to teach each other!"

"Aye!" Lila Lokisdottir said. "We must get acquainted! Post haste!" 

Loki giggled, gleefully, then teleported away with his maiden. 

Thor was left standing there. 

Then he was blushing as he thought about the things Loki and the maiden were teaching each other. 

He cleared his throat, shook his head, and attempted to push these thoughts away. 

They would not be pushed away, however, and Thor blushed still more fiercely as the naughty thoughts hounded him. 

Then Volstagg approached him and said, "Is my prince well?"

"Aye!" Thor said, scowling at his feet. "I am well!"  

"Is that so?" Volstagg said, chuckling. "You appear flustered?"

"I am not flustered!" Thor said. "Loki has simply found himself a maiden!" 

"There is nothing Loki loves more than a lusty bar maiden," Volstagg said, grinning. "I imagine Loki takes after his brother in this regard?"

"I'm no longer chasing after lusty bar maidens, Volstagg!" Thor protested. 

"Oho," Volstagg said. "Who are you chasing after now, Prince Thor?"

Thor frowned. 

"I am not chasing anyone?" Thor said, tentatively. 

"No?" Volstagg said. "I thought you were chasing the Midgardian scientist known as Jane Foster."

"Nay!" Thor said, angrily. "She took my hammer!"

"Hmm," Volstagg said. "That was very rude of her."

"Indeed!" Thor said, hotly. "It was very rude of her!" 

"Shall I help you find a new maiden, Prince Thor?" Volstagg said. 

"I don't need a new maiden, Volstagg!" Thor said. "I've already met pirate women while adventuring with the Guardians of the Galaxy. They were beautiful, hedonistic, and they were very charming!"

"Will you go back to the Guardians of the Galaxy, then?" Volstagg said. "Now that we have safely returned Prince Loki to Asgard, you may quest as you please?"

"Nay!" Thor said. "I will not go on any adventures without my brother!" 

"Shall I ask Prince Loki if he would like to go on an adventure with you?" Volstagg said. "Perhaps he will enjoy the idea?"

Thor grinned. "Will you do that? Will you ask him?"

"Aye," Volstagg said, nodding firmly. "I'll ask him when I see him in the Feasting Hall, shall I?"

"Aye!" Thor said. "Please do!" 

"Very good, Prince Thor," Volstagg said. 

Then Volstagg put his arm around Thor's shoulders and led him towards the throne room. 

They encountered a Thor doppelganger when they reached this throne room. 

This Thor was much older than Thor himself. 

"Salutations," the Thor doppelganger said. "I am King Thor."

"Hmm," Thor said. "I thought Queen Hilda would be the queen of Asgard from now on? I bequeathed the kingdom to her."

"Queen Hilda is the queen of New Asgard's village on Terra," King Thor said. "I am the King of Old Asgard. Using time travel, I rule over all of the nine realms."

"I see?" Thor said. "What would you have me do, sire?"

"Not a thing," King Thor said. "You may simply carry on with your noble pursuits wherever they will take you."

"Aye?" Thor said. "When will I take the throne?"

"You will take the throne when you would like to do so," King Thor said, winking. "And until you would like to do so, I will carry the burden for you."

"Is that permissible?" Thor said. 

"Aye," Volstagg said. "I am your elder. I find it permissible."

"Hmm," Thor said. "Will Mother protest?"

"I've already spoken to her," King Thor said. "She did not protest."

"Aha!" Thor said. "This is very good, King Thor. Please carry on as Asgard's King."

"I will do so, my boy!" King Thor said. "Enjoy a peaceful life until you would like to be king, eh? Consider this your merry holiday."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "Enjoy your kingship in the meantime!"

Then King Thor cheerfully waved at them and disappeared with a flash of golden light. 

"You will be a very good king," Volstagg said, reassuringly. "When you are older you will be very wise, you will be noble, and you will seek justice for all."

"Aye!" Thor said. "Of course I will!"

Cheerfully, Thor left the throne room. 

Then he patiently waited for dinner. 

He knew he would see Loki at the Feasting Hall once it was time to eat. 

Thor waited patiently. 

Then, once they were feasting together, Volstagg asked Loki if he wanted to go on an adventure. 

Loki was delighted by the invitation, but he wanted to invite Lila Lokisdottir. 

Thor agreed to this and asked that they also invite Hogun the Grim. 

Hogun then asked that they invite Fandral the Dashing, who asked that they invite Lady Sif. 

Volstagg himself claimed he was still enjoying his holiday with his wife, so he cheerfully waved goodbye to them at the Bifrost. 

Then they were off. 

They decided to quest on Midgard because Loki did not favor the Guardians of the Galaxy. 

Loki said he favored the Avengers. 

Thor was happy to quest wherever Loki wanted to quest. 

The rest of the warriors were simply happy to go on an adventure, so all agreed that they should travel to Midgard together.

He didn't know it yet, but this adventure was the start of Loki's courtship. 

One day, he would learn of it. 

But Thor didn't know on that particular day. 

Not on that day.  

He simply knew that his brother had returned from the dead and was finally safe with The Warriors Three, Lady Sif, and Lila Lokisdottir. 

That was all that mattered. 

Chapter Text

Loki was working for the TVA when he was assigned to partner with a Thor variant. 

This Thor was from a timeline where he'd been raised as an only child. He looked exactly the same as the Thor that Loki had been raised with. 

There was only one key difference: His hair was red. 

Apart from his red coloring, the hairstyle was the exact same style that most Thor variants favored. His hair fell just past his shoulders and was loose with a few small hair braids intertwined with his locks. 

When Kang introduced them to each other, Thor immediately extended his right hand for a Midgardian handshake. 

Politely, Loki shook his hand.

"The Jötunn Prince?" Thor said, grinning widely. "How did the TVA capture you, Prince Gelid?"

"This variant isn't Gelid Cozen," Kang said. "This one is Loki Odinson."

Loki sighed. "Must I work with this oaf?" 

"Oho," Thor said, chuckling. "This is indeed Prince Gelid, but I will call him Prince Loki if that is what he would like."

"You're stuck with each other," Kang said. "Work together for a full century. If you have any complaints, take it up with the TVA's Board of Directors after the century is up."

"A full century?" Loki said, aghast. 

"Aha!" Thor said, opening his arms for a hug. "I will be a good uncle, Prince Loki!"

Loki stepped back and away, scowling at the red headed Thor. 

"No!" Loki said. "I don't need an uncle!" 

"Oh?" Thor said. "How old are you, little Jötunn?" 

"If you refuse to cooperate," Kang said, in a bored tone. "We'll simply have you killed."

Then the man walked off and left Loki alone with the Thor variant. 

"Curses!" Loki said. "I'll have that man killed! He will be the one to rue the day he threatened my life!" 

"Aye!" Thor said, lifting his arms persistently for his desired hug. "I will slay him for you if you give me a hug!"

"Beg pardon?" Loki said.

Thor was grinning from ear to ear. 

"I will murder anyone my Jötunn would like to see killed," Thor said, waggling his eyebrows. "You need only point and I will defeat them!"

Loki frowned. 

He thought it over for a few minutes and Thor simply stood there with his arms held open. 

Loki glanced at the ceiling and wondered if the TVA's cameras also had microphones installed. 

Then he wondered if the TVA agents had told Thor to say he would kill Kang.  

This must be a test, Loki thought. They want to see if I'm worth keeping around or if I should be executed. 

"I'll give you a hug," Loki said, carefully. "But I am not asking you to kill Kang for me."

Thor blushed. "Aye!" 

Loki squinted at him. "How old are you?" 

"Three centuries," Thor said, proudly. "How old are you, Prince Loki?"

"Too old to keep track of," Loki said, huffing. "Therefore, it is I that will be the uncle and it is you that will be the nephew."

"Aye!" Thor said, chuckling light heartedly. "I will be a good nephew!"

Hesitantly, Loki gave Thor a hug. 

Thor was delighted. He lifted Loki off his feet like a cheerful man who had been drinking all night. 

"Put me down!" Loki shouted. "This is insulting! I'm your elder!"

Immediately, Thor put Loki back down on his feet. 

"I apologize, Prince Loki," Thor said, while blushing furiously. "My Jötunn is as tiny as he is handsome!"

"I'm not tiny!" Loki said. "I'm above average height for a Midgardian man!"

"Aye!" Thor said, with a shit eating grin. "This is true."

"Did you lie about your age, Thor?" Loki said, suspiciously. "Are you three centuries or... or are you older than that?"

"Hmm?" Thor said, tilting his head. "Why would I claim to be younger than I am?"

"Why would you cuddle me like a teddy bear?" Loki said, angrily. "You were raised on Asgard? Or are you the variant that was raised with a mortal woman on Midgard?"

"Aha!" Thor said, gleefully. "My Jötunn is familiar with my rise to godhood?" 

"Morgana's left tit!" Loki said. "You're the fossil, aren't you? The variant from the Dark Ages?" 

Thor pouted. "Aye? The humans tell me I am very rude, but I do my best to be less rude?"

"Hades in a handbasket," Loki said, shakily. 

"I apologize, Prince Loki," Thor said. "Would you still like to conduct yourself as my uncle? I will be a good nephew, eh?"

"No!" Loki said. "You're an imbecilic Viking that's twice my age! Why would I act as your uncle?"

"My Prince Gelid loved nothing more than to treat me as his toddling babe," Thor said, cheerfully. "Are you not the same? You may be Loki, but Gelid is still Gelid."

"I'm not like the Frost Giant!" Loki shouted. "I was raised on Asgard!"

"Aye?" Thor said. "I was raised on Midgard."

"I cannot do this!" Loki screamed. "I refuse!" 

"Hmm," Thor said. "Kang said he would kill you if you were to refuse? Shall I slay him to protect you when you escape from here?"

Loki threw his hands up and said, "You'll be killed if you do that!"

"Nay," Thor said, thumping himself on the chest. "I am Eternal."

"I loathe you!" Loki said. "Behave yourself!"

Thor smirked. "I love every Jötunn under the blood moon. For you are as fair as the moonlight, as clever as a fox, and as daring as Icarus himself."

Loki blinked. 

He simply stood there for a moment, puzzled, and then said, "What?"  

"Will the fair Prince Loki allow me to protect him?" Thor said, coaxingly. "I will shield you from every foe you encounter."

"Why would you do that?" Loki said. "You were an only child, weren't you?"

"Aye?" Thor said. "What of it?"

"You have no loyalty to me," Loki said, sternly. "Therefore, you should only concern yourself with your own welfare."

"Nay," Thor said. "I will concern myself with the welfare of this handsome Jötunn because he is very handsome."

"That's the most ludicrous lie you've ever fed me, Thor!" Loki said, scoffing. "What the hell do you want from me?"

Thor opened his arms once more and said, "I would take another hug, if my Prince Loki is offering?"

"I'm not giving you another hug!" Loki said. "I'm not a teddy bear!" 

Thor shrugged, put his arms back down, and then said, "I will keep you safe, this century. I will do it even without receiving hugs?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "You cannot wave your hammer about all willy nilly like a savage. These people are very powerful, Thor. They've captured you and they want you to be one of their TVA agents. They'll kill you if you fail to follow their orders!"

"I cannot be killed, Prince Loki," Thor said, with the confidence of a man who had already survived hundreds of attempts on his life. 

"Then why are you here?" Loki said. "If you're so indestructible, why don't you leave?"

"I was told my Prince Gelid was here," Thor said, nodding firmly. "Therefore, I am here."

"What?!" Loki said. "That's ridiculous!" 

"Bah," Thor said. "You are forever telling me that I am ridiculous, boorish, and offensively stupid. I will protect you anyway."

"I'm not Prince Gelid!" Loki shrieked. "My name is Loki! I am Loki of Asgard!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "I am Thor Borson! I am a demi-god and I cannot be killed! I am a demi-god and none would dare attempt to rival my lightning! If any were to harm my Jötunn Prince Loki I would smite them!" 

"Merlin's beard!" Loki said. "Very well! I don't want to work for the TVA! These animals have wrongfully captured me and they aim to put me to work for their nefarious schemes!" 

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "We will escape!" 

Thinking quickly, Loki decided to use the Temp Pad he had already stolen to open a portal to one of the better timelines he'd already picked out. 

He had initially intended to save the Temp Pad for a later escape, but it was obvious to him that this Thor variant had all the subtlety of a goldfish. 

Better to leave sooner, rather than later.  

"Follow me," Loki said, sternly. "I'll allow you to be my shield brother."

"I will follow wherever you lead, Prince Loki!" Thor said, triumphantly. 

Before he could lose his nerve, Loki ran through the orange doorway with Thor hot on his heels. 

Centuries later, he would regret this decision.

But it was too late for such regrets. 

They landed in a version of 2012 that had not seen a Chitauri invasion. Because there had been no invasion, Loki didn't need to worry about disguising himself. 

However, as soon as they arrived they were confronted by a second Thor variant. 

This one was blonde. 

"Unhand my brother, Borson!" Thor shouted, while wielding a hammer which was much larger than the hammer the red headed variant held. "I won't allow you to capture him!"

"Wait!" Loki said. "I'm not your brother, Thor! I was born on Jötunheimr!"

"You're still my brother, Loki!" Thor screamed.

"He is mine, Odinson!" red head Thor yelled, gleefully. "He is mine to protect!" 

"He is my brother!" Thor shrieked. "You will release him, fiend!" 

"I will not release him!" red head Thor shouted. "He is mine to protect!" 

They were both glowing with Thunder Magic, so Loki hastily teleported elsewhere. 

He knew the people of New York were about to witness a catastrophic clash of Titans, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. Loki simply fled for his life. 

He would regret this too, years later, but at the time his only goal was to get himself to safety. 

That was all that mattered. 

Chapter Text

The Hrimthursar People were savages. Loki knew this well, but he also knew he needed to blend in among them for the sake of politics. 

When he arrived on Jötunheimr Loki allowed his natural biology to take over. 

His skin was now blue, as theirs was, and his hair was as white as the snow. 

Most of the Hrimthursar preferred to shave their heads, but Loki refused to do so. Instead, he maintained a trim and boyish haircut so that his hair wouldn't get in his way if he were pulled into a warrior's duel. 

"A beautiful little snowflake," one of the Hrimthursar elders said, as soon as she spotted Loki. "What are you doing, little Gelid?"

"I'm simply walking through the snow," Loki said, stiffly. 

"Hmm," the elder said. "Is that so?"

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"You don't belong outside in the snow, little Gelid," the elder said. "You belong in the palace. You are a jewel."

Loki scowled. "I don't belong in the palace!"

"You are very tiny," the elder insisted. "We protect our saplings."

"I don't need to be protected!" Loki said. 

"As feisty as a Fire Crescent," the elder said, laughing. "Come with me, puny Gelid. If you fail to come with your elder? I will simply carry you. Would you like to walk or would you like to be carried?"

"I will not be carried!" Loki said. "That would be undignified."

"Indeed," the elder said. "Then you shall follow after me like a good duckling."

"Very well!" Loki said. "Don't you dare touch me, savage!"

"Oho," the elder said. "Where does your dam hail from? Were you actually raised on the Fire Planet?"

"Yes," Loki lied. 

"Mind your manners, Gelid," the elder said. "You will be crushed by a giant with a foul temper if you do not watch your tongue."

Loki sighed.

The Hrimthursar leaned down into Loki's space and raised an eyebrow.

"I understand," Loki said, hesitantly. "I apologize."

"As you should, pretty sapling," the elder said. "Lucky for you, your beauty has blinded me. I will protect you."

Loki huffed. 

Then he followed the elder Hrimthursar to Jötunheimr's palace.

Things only got worse from there. The other elders were delighted by the fact that Loki hadn't shaved his head. They also liked that his hands were softer than any of the other Jötunns that they called saplings because he had never done manual labor. They would pick up his hands and place his palms against their cheeks, rubbing their faces against his skin as if they were petting cashmere. 

Loki tolerated this because Dame Gothel had commanded him to find a Hrimthursar consort. She wanted to make a political alliance with Jötunheimr, so he needed to seduce a Hrimthursar with an impressive title. 

Dame Gothel wanted him to aim for one of the king's daughters, but Loki didn't want to step foot in that particular family tree. Their bloodline was too close to Loki's own origins. It would have been disturbingly incestuous. 

Instead, he was aiming for the noblewoman who was famous across the nine realms as a powerful sorceress. 

Before he could even meet her, however, Thor showed up to ruin everything with his stupidity. 

"Brother!" Thor shouted, as soon as he laid eyes on Loki. "You cannot run away from home, brother! Mother weeps in her garden!"

Loki was sitting on the lap of a Hrimthursar noblewoman. She wasn't the sorceress he was hoping to seduce, but he thought she would help him meet the sorceress if he humored her affection for a few days. 

Alas, it was not to be. 

"I'm not your brother, Thor!" Loki shouted, angrily. "Use your eyeballs! I'm a Frost Giant!"

The noblewoman hugged Loki to her chest and said, "Aye! He is one of our snowflakes!" 

"But you must return to Asgard with me, Loki!" Thor insisted. "Mother weeps!" 

"I won't return!" Loki yelled. "Go away, Thor! Go away!" 

"Shall I kill him for you, Gelid?" the noblewoman whispered. "It would be as easy as crushing a bug."

"No, thank you," Loki said, quickly. "I thank you for your generosity, but the King of Asgard would start another war with Jötunheimr if you killed his son."

"Bah," the noblewoman said. "It will be worth it."

"Wait!" Loki said. "Don't kill him!"

"He has insulted your honor, snowflake," the noblewoman murmured. "I must slay him."

Reacting without much thought, Loki teleported directly in front of Thor, grabbed him by an elbow, and then teleported to Midgard. 

He would have preferred to send Thor all the way to Asgard, but Asgard's planet was further than Midgard. It was simply easier to open a portal to Midgard. 

Once they landed on Midgard, Loki collapsed. 

He had used too much magic to make the jump.

"Loki!" Thor caught Loki and hoisted him into his arms in a bridal carry. "I will keep you safe, brother!" 

Loki wanted to scold Thor for his idiocy, but he didn't have the energy to do so. 

He fainted. 

When Loki woke up, he found himself surrounded by Midgardians who had attached wires and IV drips to his arms and chest. 

Angrily, Loki teleported to the other side of the room in order to dislodge these wires. 

Then people were screaming and Loki was teleporting outside the building. 

He had used too much magic on the jump from Jötunheimr to Midgard. He barely had enough energy left for small spatial jumps, so he would be trapped on Midgard for some time. 

Loki realized, with horror, that he was still blue. He tried to change his skin back to the white he usually sported, but his magic wasn't cooperating. 

That must be why the humans were studying me, Loki thought. They must have mistaken me for a horrifying monster. 

He tried to run into a forest, but he found himself in the center of an urban city. Surrounded on all sides and depleted of nearly all his magic, the only thing Loki could do was run. 

So he fled for his life.

A few hours later, Thor found Loki while he was running. 

"Brother!" Thor shouted. "The Midgardians will not harm you!"

"Shut the hell up, Thor!" Loki shrieked. "This is all your fault!" 

"They will not harm you!" Thor yelled. "They were trying to help you!" 

"Lies!" Loki screamed. 

He used the last of his magic to teleport once more and landed inside the musty old mansion that Dr. Strange used for his dark rituals. 

Then Loki fainted again. 

This time, Loki was alone when he woke up on a bed in one of Dr. Strange's guest bedrooms.  

This time, Loki had enough magic to change himself. He darkened his hair and lightened his skin, then made sure to grab Midgardian clothing from his pocket dimension. A simple black suit, a simple tie and dress shoes, and a few knives which he strapped to his arms and legs under his clothing. 

Thus armed, Loki cautiously ventured out of the room that Dr. Strange had stored him in.

He thought he would find the mage himself at some point, but the man didn't make an appearance. 

Relieved, Loki tip toed out of the mansion and did his best to casually walk down the sidewalk of New York. 

However, within minutes he was surrounded by Midgardian women. 

"I love you Loki!" one of them shouted, tearfully. "Please don't run away!" 

"What?!" Loki said, aghast. 

"We'll protect you from Thor!" another one screamed. "We'll keep you safe, Prince Loki!"

"I don't need to be protected!" Loki shrieked. 

He tried to teleport, but most of his magic was occupied with maintaining his white skin. 

There was a choice to be made: Sacrifice his human disguise or sacrifice his ability to teleport. 

Before he could decide, a familiar blonde man in a white suit of armor teleported directly in front of Loki. 

The Midgardian women gasped. 

"Captain America!" one of them said, breathlessly. "I'm a big fan, sir!" 

"You don't belong in 2016, Loki," Captain America said, sternly. "Will you allow me to transport you to the proper year?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "Go ahead and arrest me!" 

The Midgardian hero didn't hesitate to grasp Loki by his forearm. Then he was pressing a button on his white suit of armor and activating a time machine. 

The women around them disappeared. Loki found himself standing on the same sidewalk, but now the sky overhead was dark. 

"You escaped from the TVA, didn't you?" Captain America said. "That's why there were two Lokis in 2016."

"Two?" Loki said. "I thought my doppelganger had died?" 

"He faked his death," Captain America said. 

"Of course he did," Loki said, laughing. "Very well? Will you take me to your S.H.I.E.L.D. agents?"

"No," Captain America said. "They can't be trusted." 

"Then what will you do with me?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"I just needed to get you to the proper year," Captain America said. "This is 2025. There aren't any Loki doppelgangers for you to run into."

"We've skipped nine years?" Loki said. "Hmm. That's fine, I suppose?" 

"Please remain calm around your fans," Captain America said. "There are men and women who will ask you for autographs. Please don't stab anyone?"

"Why are they asking for autographs?" Loki said, blinking. 

"Your doppelganger made himself into a superhero," Captain America said. "He spent a few years working for S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Then he died a proper death?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

"No," Captain America said. "He left the timeline when he was recruited by the TVA."

"Hah!" Loki said. "Then he's a fool!" 

Captain America shrugged. "Will you stay put, sir? You shouldn't time travel. Please?"

Loki smirked. 

Captain America sighed. 

"You don't have any reason to time travel?" Captain America said. 

"I suppose I don't," Loki said, shrugging. "But I won't work for your S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. Whatever deal they struck with my doppelganger does not apply to me."

"I agree," Captain America said, nodding politely. "Do you need help finding an apartment?"

"No!" Loki said. "I'm not a toddling babe! I'll find my own accommodations."

"There's one more thing you should know, then," Captain America said. 

"What is it?" Loki said. 

"The other aliens have been calling you The Missing Hrimthursar Princess," Captain America said. "The Frost Giants on Jötunheimr offered a reward for you. The aliens will ask you to go to Jötunheimr with them so they can collect the reward. Some of them won't bother asking. They'll just kidnap you."

"Bah!" Loki said, pompously straightening himself up. "They'll never catch me!" 

"Are you sure you don't want a room in Avengers Tower?" Captain America said. "We won't ask you to work for us. We just want to offer you shelter? We don't want to see super villain fights break out all over New York. We don't want aliens with plasma guns chasing you and injuring civilians while they try to catch you?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I suppose... hmm... I might allow it, but I won't tolerate it if your heroes attempt to send me to Asgard with Thor."

"We won't send you to Asgard this time," Captain America said. "We'll give you United States citizenship?"

"I'd like to see that in writing," Loki said. 

Captain America nodded.  

Once all the proper paperwork had been done, Loki was more than happy to accept a respectable room inside Avengers Tower. 

He was irritated to discover that Thor himself was already living there. Thor also had a bedchamber inside Avengers Tower.

The Midgardians had placed Loki next door to Thor. 

They neglected to tell me this ahead of time because they knew I would leave, Loki thought, angrily. These Midgardians are as cunning as they are puny! 

Now it was too late to leave. Loki had already signed the paperwork, so he had no choice but to tolerate the brother who was not his blood brother. 

When he ran into Thor shortly after moving into Avenger's Tower, Thor reacted as if he were looking at a dead man. 

"Brother!" Thor said, tearfully. "I haven't seen you in nine years!" 

"I know that!" Loki said. 

"Where have you been, brother?" Thor said. "Where did you go?"

"It doesn't matter, Thor!" Loki said. 

"I won't cage you, brother!" Thor said. "I won't allow Father to cage you this time, so please don't run away from me!" 

"Very well!" Loki said. "But I won't go back to Asgard!"

"We will stay here on Midgard!" Thor said. "Do not vanish with your magic!"

"I won't vanish!" Loki said. 

"May I hug you, brother?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "You may not!"

"May I protect you?" Thor said. 

"I don't need to be protected!" Loki said. 

"The other realms are hunting you!" Thor said, dolefully. "They seek Jötunheimr's Missing Hrimthursar Princess!"

"I already know about that!" Loki said.   

"Please, brother!" Thor said, with tears in his eyes. "Allow me to protect you from Jötunheimr!"  

"You realize I was on Jötunheimr of my own free will in the first place?" Loki said. "I only left because of your brainless interference!" 

"You were only there because Dame Gothel captured you, Loki!" Thor said, furiously. "But the woman is dead now, Loki! You won't need to follow further commands, Loki!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "Who killed her?"

"I was the man who killed her!" Thor shouted. "I slayed her for you, brother!" 

Loki blinked, chuckled nervously, then grinned and said, "Is that true?" 

"Believe me when I say this," Thor growled. "I love you!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I love you too, you blustering idiot!" 

"Aha!" Thor said. "Will my brother allow me to hug him?"

"Fine!" Loki said. "But this will only be a brief hug, hmm? A very brief hug." 

"Aye!" Thor said. 

Then Thor wrapped his arms around Loki and held him as tenderly as if he were holding a fragile basket of kittens.  

It wasn't a brief hug at all, but Loki decided to be generous. 

Dame Gothel was finally dead. It was thanks to Thor, so Loki supposed the man deserved a reward. 

He wrapped his own arms around Thor and awkwardly patted Thor upon his back. 

Then one of the Avenger's heroes walked by the hallway they were standing in, so Loki teleported out of Thor's arms and cleared his throat. 

"I will not be a superhero," Loki said, sternly. "Nor will I tolerate any of your boorish nonsense."

"Aye!" Thor said. 

"I am simply a man who is living here until I find a better place to live," Loki insisted. "I will leave when I find a better place to live."

"Aye!" Thor said, grinning widely. "I will not ask you to do anything you don't want to do, Loki!" 

"Good!" Loki said, hotly. "I'm glad we're in agreement." 

"Would you like a meal, Loki?" Thor said. "There is a Feasting Hall on the ground floor."

"Yes, I would!" Loki said, scowling at his feet. 

"Very good, brother!" Thor said. "Let us companionably enjoy a meal together?"

"That's fine," Loki said, sighing. 

"I love you, brother," Thor said. "Will you doubt my love?"

"I won't doubt it," Loki said. "But I'm not your blood brother. You acknowledge this?"

"I acknowledge it," Thor said, nodding. "Will you allow me to love you anyway?"

"I suppose I have no choice," Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

"I won't abandon you just because we share no blood," Thor said, with his hands on his hips. "You cannot claim I have no loyalty. My loyalty is boundless."

"And my loyalty is nonexistent," Loki muttered. 

"Bah," Thor said. "That's fine. I have enough loyalty for both of us."

"Hah!" Loki said. "You jest."

"I won't jest," Thor said. "Not with you, Loki. I will never jest."

"Hmm," Loki said. "If you say so."

Then, rather awkwardly, the two of them went to the Avenger's Feasting Hall. Loki knew that he was being stared at while he ate, but he did his best to ignore the eyes on him. 

He simply ate his meal, as politely as possible, while feeling assured by the fact that Thor sat beside him. 

None of these Midgardian heroes would dare to harm Loki while Thor sat beside him. 

It was a convenient arrangement. 

Loki was exploring the library that one of the Avenger robots had made him aware of. It was generously large and well furnished. 

While he explored this library's numerous shelves, Thor trailed after him like a puppy that sought treats. Loki decided to ignore this. He would allow Thor to follow him as long as Thor did not disturb his reading. 

Once Loki had selected a book, he settled down on one of the couches. Thor had also picked up a book. 

Thor sat down beside Loki and casually put his arm over Loki's shoulder. 

Loki decided not to protest. 

Then the two of them simply read their books in companionable silence. 

A few weeks after he moved into Avengers tower, Loki was approached by Nick Fury. 

"No," Loki said, flatly. 

"I haven't said a damn thing!" Fury said. 

"I won't work for S.H.I.E.L.D. or for the Avengers Initiative," Loki said. "I won't do any of your superhero nonsense! Whatever arrangement you had with the Loki doppelganger who left your timeline is not applicable to me."

"As if you aren't the same man," Fury said, scoffing. "You're going to claim you've got amnesia?" 

"Yes I am!" Loki said. "As far as you're concerned? I have amnesia. I've reincarnated, I'm a vampire that rose from the dead, I'm my own evil twin and I won't be trifled with!" 

"Cut the crap, Trickster," Fury said. "We've given you a cushy bedroom, haven't we? Time for some quid pro quo."

"Then I'll simply leave," Loki said, smirking. "I've been granted American citizenship. You cannot revoke my citizenship. Therefore, I will simply get a civilian apartment and I will leave!"

Fury laughed, derisively. "The other aliens will hunt you down. They think you're an ice princess. There's a bounty on your head."

"So be it!" Loki said. "Thor will protect me. Therefore, I don't need your S.H.I.E.L.D. agents!"

"He can't watch you all the time," Fury said. "We've got hundreds of agents. You'll be safer with us, so why don't we cut a deal and-"

"No!" Loki said. "I refuse!" 

Then Thor slammed open the door to his bedchamber and shouted, "He has refused you, Nick Fury! Loki has refused!" 

"Goddammit!" Fury said.  

Fury stomped away in a huff.

A few weeks after that, a boy in a Spider-Man costume approached Loki while he was working with the Avengers robots. 

The robots were charming, was all. Loki was not an Avengers employee, but he enjoyed working with the robots on their silly projects. 

The boy who called himself Spider-Man removed his mask to reveal the youthful face of an adolescent and directed a nervous smile at Loki. 

"Are you okay, Mr. Loki?" Spider-Man said. 

"Yes?" Loki said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just wanted to check on you?" Spider-Man said. 

"Why would you check on me?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

"Um, I know you don't remember me," Spider-Man said. "But we used to be friends? We, um, we worked together? Briefly?" 

"Alright?" Loki said. "That wasn't me. That was my doppelganger."

"I know," Spider-Man said. "But I still, um, I just wanted to make sure none of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents were bothering you?"

"They cannot bother me," Loki said, smirking. "I refuse to be bothered."

"That's good," Spider-Man said, nodding. "That's good, sir."

"Are you in need of assistance, spiderling?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

"No!" Spider-Man said. "Please don't worry about me, sir! I'm doing fine. I'm super, uh, I'm a superhero, but I'm not an Avenger. They let me visit their tower, but I'm not an Avenger."

"I see," Loki said. "Was that all, then? You don't need anything from these robots?" 

The robots in question were politely watching without saying a word. They were likely waiting for Spider-Man to leave. 

The Avengers robots were a shy short. They would hold themselves still when most humans were within view. 

"No," Spider-Man said, softly. "I don't need anything. I promise."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Are you alone, boy?"

"Alone?" Spider-Man said. 

"You don't work with the Avengers?" Loki said. 

"I work with them sometimes," Spider-Man said. "But I usually work alone."

"You need assistance with your adventures?" Loki said. "Perhaps Thor might assist you? He enjoys being a superhero."

"Oh!" Spider-Man said. "That would be great? I'd love to work with Thor."

Loki nodded. "I'll introduce you?"

"Thank you, sir!" Spider-Man said. "But you don't have to do that? I've already met Thor."

"You have?" Loki said. 

"Yessir!" Spider-Man said. "I know where his bedroom is. He lives next door to you, right?"

"Correct," Loki said. 

Spider-Man leaned forward, slightly, and said, "Please don't worry about me, sir? I'm not an orphan. I mean, uh, technically I am, but I have parental guardians who look after me. So you don't need to adopt me or worry about me, okay?" 

"Very well?" Loki said, frowning. "You seem a bit anxious, boy."

"I totally am," Spider-Man said, laughing nervously. "Sorry. Um, I'm just an anxious person?"

"I see?" Loki said. "Would you calm down?"

"Yessir!" Spider-Man said. 

Then the boy backed away from Loki, awkwardly waved, and then spun around and ran away like a young man who feared he would be scolded by his uncles. 

"What the hell did my doppelganger do while he worked for your S.H.I.E.L.D. agents?" Loki demanded. 

"Nuh uh," Fury said. "You can't come crawling back and use amnesia as your excuse."

"I demand to see the footage!" Loki said. "You will show me what my likeness has done in my image!" 

"Nope," Fury said. "You want access to S.H.I.E.L.D. footage? You'll need to put in the work. We only give our agents access to footage like that."

"So be it!" Loki said. "What will you have me do, hmm? Start a coup in the Middle East? Pilot one of those planes that will crash into an enemy's parliament? Perhaps you'd like me to build you a bomb with Asgardian technology that is far more advanced than your puny nukes?"

Fury stared at Loki in silence for a few minutes.

"Well?" Loki said, impatiently. "What will you have me do?" 

"You know what?" Fury said. "Go ahead and watch the footage."

"Hah!" Loki said. "Nice try! I won't be fooled!" 

"Fine," Fury said. "I want you to attend a charity gala."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said, incredulously. 

"You'll need to wear a white tuxedo," Fury said. "Dye your hair blonde. Platinum blonde. The charity gala is in the United Kingdom, so don't change your accent. I want you to sound like one of their posh aristocrats." 

Loki smirked. "You'll have me attempt to infiltrate the British Empire?"

"Yup," Fury said. "If the charity gala goes well, I'll let you look at all the files we have on you. All the footage we have of you. Anything that has to do with Loki Odinson will be yours to look at."

"Deal!" Loki said, extending his right hand towards Fury. 

Fury shook Loki's hand. 

"Take Thor with you," Fury added. 

"If I must," Loki said, airily. 

When Loki and Thor arrived in the United Kingdom, they were immediately surrounded by Midgardian cameramen. 

Loki smiled politely at these cameramen and led Thor inside by the arm, which seemed to delight the Midgardians, then Loki made a point of speaking to all of the men and women that Nick Fury had given him files on. 

The people at this charity gala were politicians and royalty in the U.K.'s government that S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to negotiate a peace treaty with. Fury thought the peace treaty would go over more smoothly if Loki impersonated the lost cousin of a man named Duro Beaufoy, so Loki called himself Gelid Beaufoy and allowed the people of the fair United Kingdom to fawn over him. 

The people of the United Kingdom mistook Thor for a man named Thomas Ganley. 

Thor didn't correct them. 

For once, Thor was behaving himself as a prince ought to behave himself when surrounded by other royal dignitaries.

All in all, it was a pleasant evening. 

When the task was complete, Loki and Thor returned to Avengers Tower and Nick Fury finally gave Loki access to all of the information he had collected on Loki's doppelganger. 

With this information on hand, Loki had an easier time impersonating the Loki doppelganger that had managed to charm the Midgardians as an American superhero. 

Everything might have been perfect if it weren't for the red headed Thor doppelganger known as Thor Borson. 

When Thor Borson arrived in New York with a dramatic clap of lightning, he brought an army of warriors with him.  

These warriors called themselves The Sinister Seven and claimed to represent every kingdom in the nine realms, apart from Midgard. 

They said they would not rest until they found The Missing Hrimthursar Princess. They said they would take the princess back to her ice castle on Jötunheimr or die trying. 

"Loki is not Jötunheimr's princess!" Thor shrieked. "He was born on the planet, but he does not care for the people of Jötunheimr!"

"Lies!" the red headed Thor bellowed. "You will return our Hrimthursar Princess! Else you will die and all of Midgard will fall around you!"

"Wait!" Loki shouted. "I'll go with you!" 

"No!" Thor bellowed. "You will not go with them, brother!" 

Loki teleported closer to The Sinister Seven and shouted, "Do not harm the people of Earth!" 

He knew the Midgardians were filming with their cameras. He wanted to maintain his good reputation among Earth's mightiest defenders, so he did his best to conduct himself as a noble martyr. 

The red headed Thor opened his arms and yelled, "Come here, princess! I will protect you!" 

No matter, Loki thought. I'll simply betray them at a later time. 

So Loki ran towards the red headed Thor and was unsurprised when the Bifrost was activated as soon as the doppelganger had firmly hugged him. 

Loki and The Sinister Seven were all deposited on Jötunheimr. 

They were surrounded by Hrimthursar noblewomen, who greeted them with warm cloaks and baskets of food. The food baskets were filled with meats and fruits that were considered delicacies on Jötunheimr and the cloaks were quickly wrapped around the warriors that had saved The Hrimthursar Princess. 

Loki shivered in the cold, sighed, and then allowed his biology to take over. 

He didn't enjoy being blue, but he recognized that it was too cold to maintain his disguise. 

Once he had done this, the noblewomen cheered. 

Then they led Loki and The Sinister Seven into their ice castle and threw a ball in Loki's honor. 

Loki tolerated the festivities for a few hours, then asked for a guest bedroom. 

His request was granted. 

The room they led him to was filled with books, for some reason. Every single wall had been turned into a bookshelf that stretched from floor to ceiling and the thick leather bound books that had been squeezed onto these shelves were books that had been collected from each of the nine realms. 

Curious to read them, Loki delayed his escape from Jötunheimr. He spent a few years tolerating treatment as The Hrimthursar Princess because he wanted to read Jötunheimr's books. 

The red headed Thor remained at Jötunheimr's castle. His warriors had left as soon as they'd received their reward, but the red headed Thor moved into a bedchamber next door to the one that had been given to Loki. 

Loki shrugged this off. It was typical behavior from Thor. 

However, once a full decade had passed, Loki grew tired of Jötunheimr. 

He politely informed Jötunheimr's monarch that he would like to leave. 

"Of course, snowflake," the monarch said. "You may enjoy your travels, but please take Thor Borson with you wherever you go, hmm? He has vowed to protect you."

"Very well," Loki said, stiffly. "I'll allow him to accompany me." 

"Thank you, Gelid," the monarch said. "Please enjoy your next decade. Wherever your curiosity takes you, know that you have Jötunheimr's backing. If any person were to dare harm a single hair on your head, Jötunheimr would send an army to defend your honor."

"I understand," Loki murmured. "I'll bare this in mind."

It would have been awkward to return to Midgard with the red headed Thor who had attacked New York, so Loki decided to visit Vanaheim instead. 

His only goal, at the time, was to get away from the Hrimthursar noblewomen who insisted on fawning over him. 

Little did he know, he would only encounter more fawning noblewomen on Vanaheim. 

It was the beginning of an irritating pattern. 

It was also the beginning of Ragnarök, but Loki didn't know that yet.

Not just yet.  

Chapter Text

The warriors who once fought as the Avengers were gone. Captain America had fled from America. The Black Widow had fled with him. The Hulk was missing, Clint Barton was roaming in foreign countries in a new costume under a new alias with a ridiculous new mission, and Thor was gallivanting across the universe with the Guardians of the Galaxy. 

This was unacceptable. 

Loki refused to accept it. He'd gone through all the trouble of uniting Earth's mightiest defenders in the hopes that they would then defend Earth against Thanos and what had they done instead? They had fallen apart as soon as one of their robots attempted a coup d'état. 

The only Avenger left standing was Tony Stark's Iron Man, so Loki located Stark's Malibu Mansion and prepared to give him further motivation against Thanos. 

However, when Loki arrived, he found that Stark had gathered new heroes. 

"Hello there," a woman in a red costume said, politely, as soon as she spotted Loki sneaking into Stark Mansion in his battle leathers. "Are you lost, frostling?"

"I am not a frostling!" Loki shouted, while pointing a knife at her. "I am Loki of Asgard!"

"I'm the Scarlet Witch," the woman said, while grinning at him like a mad woman. "Won't you join my coven?" 

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said, scoffing. 

Then a pale android in a white costume and cape floated through the wall. 

"Please remain calm," the android said. "I'm not like Ultron."

"I will not be calm!" Loki shrieked. 

He summoned another knife and pointed one at each of them. 

"I will not be captured," Loki growled. "Where is the man known as Tony Stark? You cannot hide the Iron Man! I will find him and I will slay him!" 

"We'll get him for you," the Scarlet Witch said. 

She smiled like a woman who was looking down upon a puppy. 

"What is wrong with this mortal?" Loki said, to the android. "Has she lost her mind?" 

"She would like to help you, sir," the android said. "I'm Vision and this is my wife. We would both like to help you."

"I don't need help!" Loki screamed. "I need to kill the man known as Tony Stark!"

Then Stark himself casually walked into the room while wearing a bathrobe and pajama bottoms. He whistled. 

"You rang?" Stark said, smirking. 

"Where is your armor?" Loki said, scowling at him. "You must don your armor!"  

"Nah," Stark said. "I'd rather not."

"Foolish mortal!" Loki bellowed. "Today is the day you will die!" 

"You sure about that, princess?" Stark said, tilting his head. "You'd kill an unarmed man? Seems pretty dishonorable."

"I have no honor!" Loki shrieked. "I will slay you without hesitation or remorse!" 

"Honey," the Scarlet Witch said, softly. "I can read your mind. I know why you're here."

Loki blinked at her. 

Then he sneered and said, "You cannot read my mind, mortal. I won't be tricked."

"You want to help Midgard," the Scarlet Witch said. "You want them to be prepared for Thanos."

"Fool!" Loki shouted. "I'm one of the soldiers in the Mad Titan's army! I will defeat every mortal before me with Thanos as my god!" 

"Told ya he was brainwashed," Stark said, tutting. "We've gotta deprogram the hell out of him."

"I will not be trifled with!" Loki yelled. "I will not be spat upon like a pig for slaughter!" 

"I won't stop you," the Scarlet Witch said, with her arms peaceably raised. "I have no loyalty to Tony Stark. If you truly want him dead? I won't lift a finger to defend him."

Stark laughed. 

"Where do your loyalties lie?" Loki said, squinting at the mad witch. "Why are you here, Scarlet Witch?" 

"My wife is searching for a missing wizard," Vision said. "A boy who was taken from his birth parents as a baby."

Loki blinked. 

He stood there for a moment, considered these words, and then scoffed as theatrically as he was able. 

"Hah!" Loki said. "Why would she occupy herself with Tony Stark, then? This man is not a wizard. He gained his power from his technology." 

"She wanted to use me for her little honey trap," Stark said, chuckling. "She said you would come crawling to me like a man with a grudge."

"This foolish witch aims to capture me like a genie in a bottle?" Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Hah! I will not be captured!" 

"No, snowflake," the Scarlet Witch said, with the air of a woman who was speaking to an injured dog. "I'd like to help you with your magic. I'll be your witch and you'll be my apprentice, hmm?"

"Lies!" Loki screamed. "I won't be fooled!" 

"That's okay, sweetie," the Scarlet Witch said, with a doleful smile. "I'll wait patiently."

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said, incredulously. "What will you wait for?" 

"I'll wait until you feel safe enough to come to me for help," the Scarlet Witch said. "I'll wait until you trust me not to harm you. I'll wait until you know me well enough to know that I love you."

"You've never laid eyes on me!" Loki shouted. 

"Yes I have, Xodó," the Scarlet Witch said, patiently. "I met you in Paris. It was almost February. It was 1887." 

Loki squinted at her. 

"You claim to be a midwife?" Loki said. 

"Yes," the Scarlet Witch said. 

"You're a liar," Loki hissed, stepping closer with his knife shoved under her chin. "You're clearly a mortal woman. You weren't even alive in 1887!"

She didn't flinch away from the knife. Instead, the Scarlet Witch allowed him to prick her skin. A drop of blood fell upon his blade and seemed to glow with scarlet light. 

"I'm a skilled world walker," the Scarlet Witch said, with a serene smile. "I freely travel through time and space. I've seen every sun in the nine realms. I've ventured on every planet. I've seen the beginning of time and I've seen the ending of time. I've seen the time loop that cradles the sacred timeline like a snake eating its own head. I know you as Loki of Asgard, but I also know you as Xodó Cerny who was born in Paris, France. I know you as Loki of Asgard, but I also know you as Loki Helasdottir. I know you as Loki of Asgard, but I also know you as Gelid Cozen Hawtrey of Jötunheimr. I know you as Loki of Asgard, but I also know you as The Lost Djinn Consort of Muspelheim."

Loki dropped his knives. 

Then he teleported elsewhere. 

Thor was battling fearsome warriors with the Guardians of the Galaxy when Loki teleported in front of him like a ghost. 

"Forgive me, brother!" Loki shouted, kneeling upon the ground like a man who feared for his life. "Please capture me, brother! Send me to Asgard's dungeons! I will go quietly!" 

"Loki!" Thor said, gasping. "I thought you were dead, Loki!" 

"Forgive me!" Loki shrieked. "I escaped my death!" 

"I forgive you, Loki!" Thor shouted. "Please don't run from me!" 

"I'll allow you to arrest me, Thor!" Loki screamed. "Please arrest me, brother!" 

"I won't cage you!" Thor shrieked. "You'll only fake your death again if I arrest you!" 

"I care not!" Loki yelled, angrily. "You can put a collar around my neck! You can muzzle me like a dog! I'll go quietly!" 

"No, Loki!" Thor shouted, just as angrily. "I won't see you muzzled again! I won't allow it this time!" 

"Please, brother!" Loki looked up at Thor from where he knelt with tears falling out of his eyes. "Please take me to Asgard!" 

"But Asgard has fallen, Loki!" Thor said. "New Asgard is a small village on Midgard!"

"What?!" Loki said. "When did Asgard fall?"

"You were there, Loki!" Thor shouted. "We lost the planet to Ragnarök!" 

"I was captured by the TVA!" Loki said, huffing. "I'm not the man who lost his life to Thanos!" 

Thor blinked at him. "Pardon?"

"I saw the footage," Loki said, looking down. "I know my death was dealt at the hands of Thanos, but I didn't know we lost Asgard. That must be why my variant allowed Thanos to slay him?"

"What?!" Thor said. 

Impatiently, Loki stood back up. 

"If you cannot take me to Asgard, you are a useless shield brother!" Loki shouted. "I will seek sanctuary elsewhere!" 

"Halt!" Thor said. "You cannot seek sanctuary elsewhere!" 

"Why can't I?" Loki said, scoffing. 

"Don't leave me, Loki!" Thor shouted. "I cannot watch you die another death!" 

"I'll die a thousand deaths if I fail to escape from Thanos!" Loki shrieked. "I'll throw myself off the nearest rainbow bridge and let the void have me!" 

"But Thanos is dead, brother!" Thor screamed. "I killed him to avenge your death!"

Loki squinted at him suspiciously. "You did not."

"I did!" Thor insisted. "I chopped his head off!" 

"Thanos cannot be killed," Loki said, shaking his head. "The man is Eternal!" 

"I killed him, Loki!" Thor screamed. "I removed his head and I killed him!" 

While Thor and Loki were shouting at each other, the other warriors on the battle field had carried on without them. They simply fought around Thor and Loki and ignored them. 

However, these warriors had slowly paused to turn towards Thor and Loki's argument. 

"It's true," Mantis said. "Thanos is dead."

"That cannot be true!" Loki persisted. 

A warrior from the apposing side said, "You need not fear, tiny human! The purple alien is dead!" 

"I am not human!" Loki shrieked. 

Loki snapped his fingers and changed himself. Now his skin was blue. 

"I am not human!" Loki repeated, scowling at the man that had attempted to reassure him. 

"Fear not, little Jötunn," the enemy warrior said, smiling down at Loki. "I will adopt you, hmm? Come here. I will protect you."

"No!" Thor said. "You cannot adopt my brother! He is already my brother!"

"I'm not Aesir!" Loki shouted. "I'm not your brother!" 

Then Mantis lightly touched Loki on his shoulder and said, "Sleep."

Loki collapsed and Mantis caught him, giggling. 

"Thank you," Thor said, grinning at Mantis. "May I carry him?"

Mantis nodded and allowed Thor to lift Loki into a bridal carry. 

"I would like to adopt the adorable Jötunn!" the enemy warrior said, furiously. "He is a cousin to my people!" 

"A cousin?" Thor said. "From where do you hail?" 

"I am a Mountain Jötunn!" the enemy warrior said, proudly thumping himself on the chest. "And this Jötunn is clearly a baby Frost Jötunn. Therefore, he is my cousin and I am his kin."

"My family adopted him," Thor said, sternly. "You cannot adopt him because he has already been adopted."

Protectively, Thor hugged Loki close and glared at the Mountain Jötunn.   

"He is a sapling!" the Mountain Jötunn shouted. "He must be protected by a bigger Jötunn!" 

It was true that the Mountain Jötunn was a big man. He was twice Thor's height, but Thor would have happily killed him without remorse in order to keep Loki by his side. 

Instead, Mantis simply walked up to the Mountain Jötunn and touched him on his leg. 

"Sleep," Mantis said. 

The Mountain Jötunn collapsed. 

Then his comrades, who were a rag tag mix of aliens from various planets, simply hoisted their companion up. 

Their Jötunn shield brother was much bigger than them, but they managed to lift him by working together. Between eight of them, they successfully carried him and walked away. 

Once the biggest warrior on the battlefield had been defeated by Mantis, the skirmish was abruptly ended. None wanted to challenge her. 

Peter Quill laughed at this and cheerfully led the way back to his ship. 

Graciously, he allowed Thor to bring Loki onto the ship even though he'd never met Loki before. 

Then Thor gently laid Loki down upon the bed in his own little corner of the ship. The bed was too small for the both of them, but Thor didn't mind this. He simply sat on the floor and waited for Loki to wake up. 

When Loki finally woke up, he was as grumpy as a starving kitten. He used his magic to summon one of his knives and stabbed Thor with it, but Thor simply laughed and pulled the knife out of his arm. 

"Please calm down, brother," Thor said. "Thanos is dead."

"He cannot be dead!" Loki cried. "He must have faked his death!" 

"No," Thor said. "I killed him myself. I removed his head. He is gone, Loki. He is gone."

Loki summoned a second knife, but Thor caught Loki's wrist before he could be stabbed again. 

Gently, he pulled the knife out of Loki's grasp. 

Then he gave Loki a firm hug. 

Loki froze in his arms. He stiffened up and simply tolerated the hug. 

He was still blue, but this didn't bother Thor. Blue or white, Loki was Loki. 

However, when Loki noticed that he was still blue, he changed himself. He made himself white once more. 

Then he shoved Thor away and said, "Where is Hela Odinsdottir?"

"She was killed," Thor said. 

Loki scoffed. 

"You will also claim that she cannot be killed?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "I won't waste my breath." 

"You will be safe, brother," Thor said. "Would you like to see New Asgard? It can be found on Midgard. Our people rest in Norway."

"Norway?" Loki said, wrinkling his nose. "Why would you put them there?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Thor said. 

Loki sighed. 

"Please don't vanish," Thor said. "Please?"

"Fine!" Loki said. "I won't vanish!" 

"I'll protect you from your enemies," Thor said. "Any foe that dares to threaten Loki Odinson will be defeated."

"I'm not Loki Odinson!" Loki shouted. "I'm simply Loki!"

"Very well," Thor said. "You are simply Loki."

Loki blinked tears out of his eyes, then shoved his hands over his face. 

"Would you like to see New Asgard?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "I would not!"

"Where would you like to go, Loki?" Thor said. "I'll follow you. Please take me with you on your travels?"

Abruptly, Loki grabbed Thor by an elbow and used his magic to teleport away from Peter Quill's ship. 

They landed on Midgard inside Stark's Mansion.

"Come out, Scarlet Witch!" Loki shouted. "Reveal yourself!" 

A woman appeared in front of them with a puff of red smoke. 

"Do you need help, Loki?" the Scarlet Witch said. 

"No!" Loki said, pointing at Thor. "My foolish brother needs your help! You will help him!" 

"Pardon?" Thor said. 

"I'll help your brother," the Scarlet Witch said, smiling politely. "How will I help him?"

"G-give him accommodations," Loki said, shakily. "Give him a bed, a hearth, and a meal!" 

"As you wish, Loki," the Scarlet Witch said. 

She snapped her fingers and used her magic to change Stark's Mansion. 

Now the three of them stood inside a humble wooden cabin. 

"You will not harm my brother," Loki growled. "You will not step foot inside of his shelter unless he invites you inside. You will not spy on him and you will not interfere with his life!" 

"I love you like a son, Loki," the Scarlet Witch said, with her hands clasped in front of her. "If Thor Odinson is your brother, I will respect him as your brother. I will do all that you have said."

"Very well!" Loki shouted. "I'll allow you to adopt me! You cannot injure a single hair on my brother's head, else I will disown you!" 

"I understand, snowflake," the Scarlet Witch said. "I'll be gentle with Thor."

Then the Scarlet Witch smiled directly at Thor and said, "What would you like to eat, Thor?"

Thor frowned at her. 

It was clear to him that Loki was terrified of this witch. 

"I do not need a meal," Thor said, carefully. 

The Scarlet Witch giggled. 

Then she disappeared with a puff of red smoke. In her place stood a table. Upon the table there was a roasted turkey, potatoes, and corn. 

Loki spun away from the table and cursed. 

"What has happened, Loki?" Thor said. "Why are you so frightened?" 

"That woman knows me!" Loki said. "She knows all of my names!" 

"All of your names?" Thor said. 

"Shut up!" Loki said, throwing his hands up. "I will not speak of it!" 

"May I hug you?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "You may not! And you must halt your brainless adventuring! You cannot throw yourself at every battle like a man without a kingdom! The people of New Asgard will weep, hmm? They will weep!" 

"I understand, Loki," Thor said, softly. "I will guard my life more carefully. I will guard it because I would like to live a long life with you. Will you please let me hug you?"

"No!" Loki cried. "I will not!" 

Loki spun towards the nearest wall and kicked it. Then he shouted, "I will not be treated like a toddling babe!" 

"You aren't a toddling babe," Thor said. "You are simply Loki. I am simply Thor. We have always been brothers, have we not?"

"No!" Loki shrieked. "We have not!"

"We have not?" Thor said, frowning. 

Loki shoved his hands over his face. 

Then he flickered with green light. Thor feared his brother was about to vanish with his magic, but Loki didn't vanish. Instead, he merely stood there and glowed with green light without moving. 

"Loki?" Thor said. 

The light disappeared. Loki was left standing there in his battle leathers with his hands over his face. 

Thor slowly approached and put his arms around Loki. 

He thought Loki would stab him, but Loki didn't stab him. Loki simply stood there, frozen, and didn't say a word. 

They stood like that for some time. With Thor embracing Loki and with Loki frozen with his hands over his face. 

Eventually, Loki snapped his fingers. 

The cabin around them was plunged into darkness. It was the darkest room Thor had ever witnessed. He knew Loki must have created the darkness with his magic. It was a darkness that had excluded all light. Thor only had one eye with which to look, but he knew he would have seen nothing even if he'd had two eyes. 

Despite this darkness, Thor was not afraid. He maintained his hold around Loki and simply waited for his brother to say something. 

Loki did not speak. Instead, he put one of his arms around Thor and led Thor through the darkness. 

When they reached the bed, Thor felt his knees brush up against the mattress. He heard the creak of springs when Loki sat down. 

He followed with his ears because he didn't want to lose Loki. 

Then the two of them were laying down upon the bed with their arms around each other. 

"Did the Scarlet Witch hurt you?" Thor whispered. 

"No," Loki said. "She didn't hurt me."

"You fear she will harm you?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "I fear she will never release me."

"I'll take you away from this place?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "We have nowhere to go."

"We can go to New Asgard," Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "Your people will despise me." 

"They will be relieved to see that you escaped your death," Thor said. "They will welcome you with open arms."

"No," Loki said. "They won't welcome me." 

"Please believe me, brother," Thor said. "The people of Asgard love you."

"I won't believe that, Thor," Loki said. "I refuse to believe it."

"Then we will simply wander like nomads," Thor said. "We'll travel and explore Midgard?"

"Yes," Loki said, breathlessly. "We'll travel."

There was a tremble in Loki's voice. He tightened his arms around Thor and buried his face in the crook of Thor's neck. 

"Why do you shiver like this, Loki?" Thor murmured. 

"The Midgardians will fear me," Loki whispered. "They will throw pitch forks at me."

"No," Thor said. "I won't let them do that." 

"They might tolerate me if I keep you by my side," Loki whispered. "They might forgive my crimes if I stay with you?"

"No one will harm you if you stay by my side," Thor said, confidently. "I'll protect you, brother."

"Thank you," Loki said. "I'll be a good nephew."

"Pardon?" Thor said. 

"I'll be a loyal genie," Loki murmured. "I'll serve you as Merlin once served King Arthur. I'll be a humble house elf, a dutiful worshipper, and a useful wizard."

"No," Thor said. "You don't need to do any of that."

"I'll do it anyway," Loki said. "I deserve to seek penance for my crimes, hmm? Justice will be served."

"Loki," Thor sighed. "I don't believe in justice of that nature?"

"Karma will have her meal," Loki insisted. 

"Very well, brother," Thor said. "Please don't vanish? I promise to protect you, so please don't vanish? I will follow you on your travels. You may roam wherever you please. I'll follow you like a loyal knight, so please don't disappear with your magic? If you would like to teleport, you must take me with you."

"Aye," Loki said. "I solemnly swear. I will keep you with me, Thor Odinson. I solemnly swear. I vow to remain beside you."

"Thank you," Thor said. 

That is when Thor began to relax. He held Loki close and he allowed sleep to take him. 

Chapter Text

It was January. Loki knew it was January. He had been born in January, but he couldn't place the exact date. 

He knew he was born the same year the Eiffel Tower was built. The day the tower was completed, he had been born. 

At least, that's what the Allmother said. She used to take him on trips to France. She would show him the tower and teasingly say that the Midgardians had built it to honor his birth. 

I can't believe a word of it, Loki thought. I can't trust anything. I can't trust my own face, so why would I trust the words of the woman who kidnapped me away from my birth parents?

These were the thoughts Loki was thinking when Thor finally woke up. 

"Brother?" Thor said, sitting up and anxiously glancing around. "Loki?"

"I'm here," Loki whispered. 

Loki was crouched on the floor, facing the door to the wooden cabin. He had his knives prepared in case the Scarlet Witch made a move against Thor. 

"What are you doing, brother?" Thor said. "Why are you crouched like a warrior preparing for a duel?" 

"Because I'm a warrior preparing for a duel," Loki murmured. 

"I'll defend you," Thor growled. 

He got up from the bed and stomped towards the door. 

Loki tensed, but he made no move to stop Thor. Now that Thor was awake, Loki knew he could trust Thor to defend himself. 

He only needed to defend Thor while the man slept. 

That was common sense. 

Thor opened the door, glared outside, then closed it once more and turned towards Loki.

"Did you sleep?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki lied. 

Loki straightened up out of his fighting stance and cleared his throat.

"What do you need, Thor?" Loki said.

Thor ignored the question and squinted at Loki. 

"You don't look as if you've slept, brother," Thor said. 

"You said we would leave this place," Loki said, scowling at his feet. "Did you not say that, Thor? I'll sleep when we've left."

"Where would you like to go?" Thor said. 

"Anywhere!" Loki said. "I'll follow my king wherever he leads me. Please take me away from here? I was only... I needed to test the Scarlet Witch. Now that I've tested her, we must leave before she poisons my mind!"

"Why would she poison your mind, Loki?" Thor said, frowning thoughtfully. 

"Witches will be witches," Loki said, bitterly. 

I learned that from the witch of the South, Loki thought. The Allmother would never forgive me for falling into the arms of a foreign witch. She would say I spit upon her grave by even considering it. 

"I'll take you to a Midgardian hostel?" Thor said. 

Then Thor cleared his throat. "A hotel, I should say. I know how to turn my gold into Midgardian dollars. You can trust me to purchase a hotel for us."

"Thank you, brother," Loki said. "I'll sleep when we've gotten away from here, yes? I solemnly swear."

"Very well, brother," Thor said. "Please take my hand?"

Thor extended his right hand towards Loki and Loki grabbed it with his left hand. It was a gesture born out of habit. When they were lads they had walked in this manner thousands of times. 

And so, they did so once again. Thor led the way out of the wooden cabin that the Scarlet Witch had created with her magic. Once they were outside, they found that they were still in Malibu California.

They simply walked until they found a taxi. 

Then Thor instructed the driver to take them to a hotel. He pulled money out of a coin purse tucked inside of his belt and smiled as he handed it to the taxi driver with the confidence of a well traveled man. 

I used to be the one with the magical coin purse, Loki thought, sighing. I used to be the well traveled man. 

Today, that was not the case. 

Today, Loki simply sat beside Thor and tolerated the fact that Thor had not let go of his hand. He recognized that Thor was filled with anxiety concerning Loki's resurrection, so he told himself not to protest. 

When they reached the hotel Thor led Loki out of the taxi and through the lobby like a man with an elderly uncle. He maintained a firm grasp on Loki's hand even while he smiled at the woman behind the hotel counter and politely asked for a hotel room. 

"Will you need a room with two beds?" the woman asked. 

Thor glanced at Loki and raised an eyebrow. 

Loki shrugged indifferently. 

Turning back towards the Midgardian, Thor laughed and said, "We don't need two beds."

For some reason, this caused the Midgardian woman to blush furiously. She stammered for a moment, then cleared her throat and said, "Of course, sir. A king bed? We have a honeymoon suite available, if you'd like?"

Once more, Thor turned towards Loki. 

Once more, Loki shrugged with indifference. 

The truth was, Loki wasn't paying attention to the woman's questions. He hadn't slept in some time. It was all he could do to keep himself upright. 

Later, he would regret this. 

As for Thor, he was observant enough to notice Loki's exhaustion. He turned back to the Midgardian and said, "Might we have a room that is already clean and available? Any room. Big or small. It does not matter, but we would like a room that is already available."

"Yessir!" the woman said, looking even more flustered as she continued to fiercely blush. "Right this way, sir!" 

"I haven't paid?" Thor said. 

"Oh!" the woman said. "Right!" 

Hurriedly, the woman typed away on her Midgardian machine and then asked Thor for his American dollars. Thor pulled the amount she asked for out of his magical coin purse. Loki knew the magic was not creating money out of thin air. It was simply converting the gold Thor already had access to. The gold came from Asgard's vaults and was transformed into a currency that the Midgardians would recognize and accept. 

Once the transaction was complete, the woman led Thor and Loki to a hotel room. 

When they were inside, Loki collapsed upon the bed. 

Thor sat down beside him and whispered, "I will guard you as you sleep, Loki. Trust me and rest easy."

Loki smiled. 

Then he was asleep. 

When Loki woke up, Thor was still sitting beside him. 

Loki sat up, yawned, and then said, "Did you eat?"

"Aye," Thor said. "This hotel provides room service. Would you like something to eat?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Did you finish your meal? I can eat whatever you didn't finish."

"I finished my meal," Thor said, with an anxious smile. "I'll get you something fresh, brother. What would you like?"

"I don't care, Thor," Loki said, huffing. "I'll eat what I'm given and be grateful, yes?"

"Loki," Thor said, shaking his head in a rueful manner. "Why do you look at me as if I'm Thanos himself?"

"I wouldn't look at you that way," Loki said, stiffly. "You are as handsome as you are powerful."

"Loki!" Thor said, tearfully. "What has happened to you?"

"Nothing has happened Thor!" Loki said. "I committed a crime against Midgard! I was rightfully bound and captured! Then I wrongfully escaped, but was captured once more! Then I escaped for a second time and was captured yet again! That is what happened!" 

"That is all that happened?" Thor said, doubtfully. "I don't believe you."

"Aye," Loki said, bitterly. "Who would believe the Lie Smith?"

"Please don't look at me so fearfully?" Thor said. "Please tell me what you would like to eat?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "I would like meat and potatoes!" 

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "I will order meat and potatoes!" 

Like a dog that had been told to fetch, Thor stood up and scrambled for the phone that was hooked to a nearby wall. He told the hotel staff that he needed meat and potatoes. 

Loki groaned. 

Then Thor was simply standing there with a nervous smile. 

"Don't look at me like that!" Loki said. 

"How should I look at you, brother?" Thor said. 

"Nevermind!" Loki said, throwing his hands up. "Look at me however you would like to look at me! I'll be a good servant!" 

"I don't want a servant, Loki!" Thor said. "I simply want my brother to be safe and happy!"

"Fine!" Loki cried. "I'll be happy!" 

But he was not happy. He shoved his hands in over his face in order to stifle his inept tears. 

"Please don't cry," Thor said, sorrowfully. "Please look at me? Brother?"

"I won't cry," Loki muttered. 

He took a few deep breaths and forced the tears back, then cautiously lowered his hands. 

"Loki," Thor said. "I'll keep you safe. I solemnly swear!" 

"Aye," Loki said. "I'll be a good wizard!"

"Please don't say things like that?" Thor said. "I don't need a wizard. I don't need a servant or a knight or an attendant or a dancer!"

"What?!" Loki said. "When have I ever danced for you, Thor?"

"Never you mind!" Thor said. "Do you hear my words, Loki? Do you grasp their meaning?"

"I have ears!" Loki said. "Do you think the Mad Titan stuffed my ears with cotton?"

"Yes I do, Loki!" Thor said. "I think he poisoned your mind against me!"

"I apologize!" Loki said. 

"Wait!" Thor said. "Please! Please don't teleport!" 

"I'm not teleporting!" Loki shouted. 

There was a knock on the door. Loki froze and stared at it, anxiously, but then realized it must be one of the hotel's employees. 

"Stay calm, brother," Thor whispered. "Please stay calm?"

Loki nodded. 

Then Thor approached the door, opened it a crack, and reached out. He pulled a paper bag into the room and then closed the door once more. 

"You need to pay for the food!" Loki said. 

"I will pay before we leave!" Thor said. "They won't expect money for the food until we leave!" 

"Very well!" Loki said. "D-don't forget to pay!" 

"I swear not to forget!" Thor said. "Please don't teleport?"

"Stop accusing me of using magic!" Loki shrieked. "I said I will not teleport, so I will not teleport!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "I believe you!" 

"No you don't!" Loki cried. "You never believe me!" 

"Please forgive me!" Thor shouted. "Please forgive me, brother! I love you!" 

"Bloody hell!" Loki yelled. "I cannot do this!" 

"Wait!" Thor said, breathlessly. "Please wait? Are you hungry, Loki? I have meat and potatoes right here, Loki!"

Thor held up the paper bag like an offering before an ancient Pharaoh's alter.

Loki closed his eyes and shoved his hands over his face once more. 

I'm not permitted to cry, Loki told himself, sternly. Thor said I must not cry! 

"Loki?" Thor said. 

Loki was frozen. He was occupied with the command. He could not allow himself to cry. 

He would not allow it. 

So he chanted the command to himself. 

I must not cry, Loki thought, desperately. I must not cry. I must not cry. I must not cry.  

Then Loki felt Thor wrap his arms around his shoulders like a big uncle with a weeping nephew. Loki remained frozen with his hands shoved against his face, but he didn't protest. 

They simply remained like that for some time. 

Then Loki won the battle against his tears and timidly lowered his hands. 

"Please eat," Thor said. "Will you eat, Loki? Please?"

"Yes, sire," Loki murmured. 

When Thor placed the paper bag in Loki's hands, Loki bowed his head. 

"Why are you bowing?" Thor said. 

"I apologize," Loki said. "I mustn't bow?"

"You don't need to do that," Thor said, softly. "You don't need to treat me like a king? I'm not a king."

"But Odin is dead," Loki said, frowning. "Isn't he dead? The TVA agents told me both of our... that the king of Asgard and his queen were both dead."

"The Allfather died," Thor said, stiffly nodding. "But I bequeathed the throne to a Valkyrie."

"I thought all of the Valkyrie were long dead?" Loki said, skeptically.

"One of them survived," Thor said. "She's much older than me. She is much wiser, so I trusted her to rule over New Asgard."

"What about you, Thor?" Loki said. "You need a new kingdom?"

"Pardon?" Thor said. 

"I'll help you," Loki said, reassuringly. "Where should we build? Here on Midgard or on one of the wild planets?" 

"We don't need a kingdom," Thor said. "We only need each other?"

Loki tilted his head. "Is that so?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "Please don't start any wars?"

"Alright?" Loki said. "What will you have me do instead?"

"I'll have you eat your meal?" Thor said, raising an eyebrow. "You still haven't eaten."

"Oh," Loki said. 

Loki frowned at the paper bag in his hands. Then he sighed, opened it, and found that Thor had purchased one of those hamburgers meals that came with sliced potatoes. 

Shrugging, Loki began to eat. 

Thor got up from the bed and opened a tiny ice box. He retrieved water and then returned to hand it to Loki. 

Recognizing the silent command, Loki drank the water. 

When the food was gone, he made sure to finish the water as well. 

Then Loki waited for his orders. 

"Are you well, brother?" Thor said. "You slept for a long time."

"I apologize," Loki said. 

"Please don't apologize for sleeping?" Thor said. 

"Oh?" Loki said, blinking. "What should I apologize for?"

"For nothing?" Thor said. "There's no need to apologize?"

Loki squinted at him. 

"Where would you like to go, Loki?" Thor said. 

"I will follow my king," Loki said, dutifully. 

Then Loki winced and quickly amended his words by saying, "I mean I will follow my uncle!"

"Uncle?" Thor said. 

"You don't want to be an uncle?" Loki said. 

"Are we not brothers?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "But you are clearly the higher ranking brother?" 

"Why do we need to be ranked, Loki?" Thor said, scowling at his feet. "Why do you always search for a shadow to cloak around yourself?"

"I suppose I've become accustomed to the habit?" Loki said.

"The sun will shine upon us, brother," Thor said, raising his chin. "On both of us, Loki. On both of us!" 

"Alright?" Loki said. "Where will we go, then? I'll follow you."

"Good!" Thor said. "I will also follow. I'll follow you, so where should we go?"

Loki didn't know how to respond to this question. 

There was a ringing in his ears. His head throbbed and there was a blue glow in his peripheral vision. Loki winced against the pounding in his head and squinted against the blue light. 

"Loki?" Thor said. 

"I apologize!" Loki said. "Please don't take my head!" 

"I won't take your head!" Thor said. "Please look at me?"

The blue light vanished. 

Loki blinked at Thor, bemusedly, and then did his best to give Thor a charming smile. 

"You said you didn't want to go to New Asgard," Thor said. "Do you want to stay in California? Or perhaps we should go to New Asgard after all?"

"Yes, sire!" Loki said. "I'll follow you to New Asgard!"

"I understand, Loki," Thor said. "Do you want to sleep before we leave? Perhaps you need more sleep?"

"Yes, sire!" Loki said. 

Obediently, Loki laid down upon the bed and closed his eyes. 

He felt it when Thor sat down on the bed. 

Then Thor was also laying down. Thor was wrapping his arms around Loki and kissing him upon his forehead. 

"I swear to you," Thor whispered. "No one will harm you. Never again. I solemnly swear!" 

Loki nodded. 

He kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

Eventually, sleep found him. 

But it took a long time. 

Chapter Text

When Loki woke, he found that he was being tenderly embraced. Instinctively, he teleported away from whoever was holding him. 

Loki was half asleep, so he misjudged the spatial jump and landed in a heap on the floor. 

"Brother!" Thor jumped out of the hotel bed and crouched beside Loki, grasping him by the shoulders and pulling him upright. "Did I frighten you?"

"Whoops," Loki said, chuckling. "I didn't mean to teleport without you?"

Thor said I mustn't apologize, Loki thought. So I will not apologize for my mistake. 

"That's alright," Thor said, softly. "I didn't realize I was holding you too tightly?"

Thor let go of Loki's shoulders and put a bit of space between them.

"You didn't hold me too tightly," Loki said, glancing away. 

"Please look at me?" Thor said. "Please?"

Dutifully, Loki made eye contact with Thor. 

The look on Thor's face was refreshingly familiar. He looked just the same way he'd looked when the Allmother had caught him toppling trees in her garden with his new hammer. 

"Now now," Loki said, with a winsome smile. "No harm was done?"

"Aye," Thor said, sighing. 

I must do my best to make amends for my mistake, Loki thought. I will grovel like a nephew should. 

"Shall I shoot down a bird for you, brother?" Loki said. "Perhaps I might catch a rabbit?"

"No, thank you," Thor murmured. "Please rest for a few days?"

"A few days?" Loki said, tilting his head. "Why?"

"I've spent too many years without my brother," Thor said. "Will you humor your big brother and take a holiday with me?"

"Of course, brother," Loki said. "Where would you like to enjoy your holiday?"

"I've decided against visiting New Asgard," Thor said. "Does this sit well with you?"

Loki grinned. "Aye."

Thor nodded, squinted at Loki for a moment, and then said, "Do you enjoy California?"

Loki thought through the question, carefully, and then said, "I've spent time in California." 

"Should we go elsewhere?" Thor said. 

"Aye?" Loki said. "Where would you like to go?" 

"Might we spend some time with Bruce Banner?" Thor said. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "The Hulk?"

"Aye," Thor said. "The man is very fond of you, Loki."

Loki frowned. The last time he had seen the Hulk had been during the skirmish in New York. The big green man had simply picked Loki up by his ankle and slammed him into the ground.

Repeatedly.

"He properly met you while you were on the Grandmaster's planet," Thor said. "He fought beside you while we battled against Hela Odinsdottir."

"Oh?" Loki said. "I didn't see footage of a battle like that. The TVA only showed me my own death and the death of the Allmother."

"But you knew who Hela Odinsdottir was," Thor said, scowling. "Did you not worry about her, Loki? He knew her name."

Loki avoided eye contact, but then he remembered Thor's command and forced himself to return his gaze towards Thor. 

"Aye," Loki said, softly. "I knew her name." 

"We don't need to discuss this," Thor said. "But will you tell me... will you tell me how long you were with this mysterious TVA?"

"Not long at all," Loki lied, swiftly. "It was a brief... it was brief."

"I time traveled with the Avengers," Thor said. "I'm not a novice. Will you tell me where you traveled? When, I should say?"

"Why?" Loki said, warily. 

"Did you speak with Mother?" Thor said. "Did you win the opportunity to speak with her before her death?"

Loki blinked. "No?"

"Oh," Thor said. 

Thor frowned, thoughtfully, and then said, "Did you learn anything about Niflheimr?"

"Jötunheimr's neighboring dwarf planet?" Loki said, suspiciously. "What is there for me to learn about it?"

"I'm not certain?" Thor said. "I've come to realize that there is much about the nine realms that I failed to explore. But you loved to explore every planet, didn't you, Loki? You sought every solar system. You ventured into every library and you laughed at me while I wasted my time swinging my hammer with the Warriors Three. Don't you remember that, brother?"

"I apologize for laughing at you?" Loki said. 

Then Loki winced. 

"What troubles you?" Thor said. 

"I forgot that you didn't want me to apologize," Loki said, hesitantly. "I'll do my best to remember?" 

"You don't need to remember that," Thor said, sternly. "Please speak freely?"

"Aha!" Loki said, chuckling light heartedly. "Might I voice a question?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "Please voice your question?"

"Bruce Banner," Loki said, slowly. "The Hulk. I thought he had gone missing?"

"He did, for a time," Thor said. "He was off planet, but now he lives on an isolated island."

"Hmm," Loki said. "I tried to find him, at one point."

"You did?" Thor said. 

"I was looking for each of the Avengers," Loki said. 

"Why were you looking for them?" Thor said. 

"There was a file," Loki said. "While I was at the TVA, I read a file about the death of Thanos. I aimed to re-create his death. I didn't know you had already killed him."

Thor nodded. Then he stood up and extended a hand towards Loki.

"Please stand up?" Thor said. 

Loki took Thor's hand and allowed himself to be pulled upright. 

"I suppose I couldn't find the Hulk because he cloaked himself from the Midgardian general public?" Loki said, thoughtfully. "I found no public record of his island. That is where you would like to go, Thor? To the Hulk's island?"

"It was merely a suggestion," Thor said. "There are other places we might go. We might go to New York and visit Spider-Man? We might go to Tony Stark and ask him about his time machine? Or perhaps we might seek Ant Man and ask him about the Quantum Realm?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "What is your goal, Thor?"

"I have no goal," Thor said. "Perhaps we might seek a library? Washington D.C. has a large library."

"We cannot go to Washington D.C," Loki said, wagging a finger at Thor. "The politicians might assume you aim to topple their government."

"Oh?" Thor said. "Then, perhaps Washington state?"

"Why?" Loki said, frowning. 

"Perhaps Oklahoma?" Thor said. "Or maybe we'll visit Ohio? We might leave the United States of America behind in its entirety and visit Europe, if you would like?" 

"What is your goal, Thor?" Loki said, impatiently. "Please tell me you aren't aimlessly seeking battles for no cause and no reason?"

"I won't seek battles," Thor said. "I told you I would guard my life, did I not? We don't want New Asgard to weep over my loss?"

"Very good," Loki said, nodding. "We cannot allow the people to weep."

Thor nodded, smiled tightly and then said, "Might I ask you a question, brother?"

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"Is your head aching?" Thor said, tentatively. "Have you been experiencing any symptoms of... of pain? Or perhaps insidious spellwork?"

"Yes!" Loki said, urgently. "I have!" 

"What are your symptoms?" Thor said. 

Loki frowned. "A blue light?"

"A blue light?" Thor echoed. 

"You couldn't see it?" Loki said. 

"No, brother," Thor said. "When did you see a blue light?"

"Yesterday," Loki said, breathlessly. "It attacked me."

"How did it attack you?" Thor said. 

Loki closed his eyes. 

"Does it still attack you?" Thor said, softly. 

"Wait," Loki said. "Please, wait?"

"I will wait," Thor whispered. 

Loki furrowed his brow and attempted to locate the memory, but it was already slipping away from him. It was gone. He couldn't pinpoint the memory itself. 

He was only left with the vague sense that he had been trapped in a bottle. 

"It must have been the Scarlet Witch," Loki murmured. "There is no other mage within miles, aye? It could not have been Thanos, for the man is dead. It could not be the Allmother, for she is dead. It could not be Odin, for he is dead. That leaves the Scarlet Witch."

"Do you need a wizard's assistance?" Thor said. "Should we consult Dr. Strange?"

Loki opened his eyes. 

"Dr. Strange?" Loki said. "Who is that?"

"He is Midgard's most powerful mage," Thor said. "If a witch has cast a curse over your mind, we can trust him to find it. We can trust him to remove it."

Loki grinned at Thor. 

"Truly?" Loki said. 

"Truly," Thor said, nodding firmly. "Will you allow me to take you to Dr. Strange?"

"Of course, brother," Loki said. "My life is yours."

"What?" Thor said. 

"My life is yours," Loki repeated, dutifully. "I solemnly swear."

"Please don't swear in such an ominous way?" Thor said. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "How was that ominous?"

"It struck me as... as unsettling?" Thor said. 

"Did it?" Loki said, blinking bemusdedly. "My masters usually like it when my life is theirs?"

"I don't want to be a master!" Thor said, hotly. "I don't want your life, Loki! Please don't hand your life over to any master you encounter?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I don't follow your meaning?"

"No matter," Thor said, shakily. "It does not matter, Loki. I'll protect you, hmm? Please stay with your brother?"

"Of course, sire," Loki said. 

He gave Thor his most beautiful smile. 

Then Thor burst into tears. 

Loki frowned. "Did I offend?"

"No!" Thor cried. "You did not offend me!" 

"Then why do you cry?" Loki said. 

Thor didn't answer. He simply stood there weeping like a grieving man. Loki was puzzled until he remembered that the Allmother and the Allfather had both lost their lives. 

Once he reminded himself of this fact, Loki was no longer puzzled. He hurriedly opened his arms and raised an eyebrow at Thor. 

When Thor threw himself into the hug, Loki politely patted Thor on his back. Then he began to sing a calming lullaby. One of the songs the Allmother would sing to them when they were lads. 

This did the trick. Thor calmed himself and halted his crying, but he remained standing there with his arms around Loki for some time. 

"May I ask you a question?" Thor murmured. 

"Of course," Loki said. 

"How old are you, Loki?" Thor said. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I have no idea? I once thought I was one hundred and twenty three, but I fear that is not the case? There are a few holes in my memory. Years that are unaccounted for, you see? And moments that were witnessed... that I should not have been alive to witness?"

"Aye," Thor whispered. "I fear I have also discovered a few holes in my memory."

"Witches will be witches," Loki muttered. 

Thor pulled back from the hug to study Loki's face. 

"Which witches?" Thor said. "The Enchantress?"

"Enchantress?" Loki said. "I don't know a witch by that name."

"How many witches do you know?" Thor said. 

"Too many to count," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "But Mother taught me to be sensible. I keep them at arms length."

"Good," Thor said. "Let us keep every witch and wizard at arms length. Apart from Dr. Strange?"

"Yes, sire," Loki said, nodding. "Dr. Strange will be the exception to the rule."

"Please don't call me sire?" Thor said. "I don't want to be your sire?"

"Very well," Loki said, politely clasping his hands in front of him. "I will address you as my brother."

"Loki," Thor said. "Have you... are you... did you have nightmares?"

"No, brother," Loki said. "I slept peacefully."

Thor sighed. 

They stood in silence for a moment. Loki waited patiently. 

Thor simply looked at him with a furrow in his brow. He chewed on his lip, groaned, and then said, "Are you hungry?"

"No," Loki said. 

"Are you certain?" Thor said. "Shouldn't we break our fast?"

"Very well," Loki said. "I will eat."

"You don't feel any hunger pangs?" Thor said. "I fear my little brother has gotten a bit too thin, this decade?"

"Oh?" Loki said, glancing down at himself. 

He was wearing satin pajamas. Thor must have dressed him while he slept. The pajamas were an emerald green, which made Loki smile. 

When he looked back up he realized Thor was still studying him like a man who was puzzling out an abstract painting. 

"I beg your pardon," Loki said. "What was the question?"

"Let us eat," Thor said, with faux cheer. "We will simply eat and then we will travel to Dr. Strange's mansion."

"I understand," Loki said. "Please know that I won't be able to open a worm hole. I've never been to Dr. Strange's mansion, so we'll have to travel there like mortals. However, once I've seen the place with my own eyes, I'll be able to teleport you directly there whenever you'd like to visit the place." 

"Ah," Thor said. "Alright. Thank you?"

"Your welcome?" Loki said, chuckling. "Do you fear a whip to the back, brother? You're as timid as a baby colt."

Thor chuckled. "I don't fear a whip to the back, Loki."

"Don't fret, Thor," Loki said. "I'll guide you like a wise kingly advisor. That's what Father always wanted, hmm? I'll do my duty and I'll make sure you aren't left lost in the woods."

"Thank you?" Thor said, blinking. "Please guide me."

"Aye aye," Loki said, chortling good naturedly. "Before we break our fast, we must pay for the food we've already eaten, eh? We'll check ourselves out of this hotel and then we'll find ourselves one of those restaurants. Whichever one strikes your fancy."

"Aye," Thor murmured.  

Thor held out his right hand. 

Loki firmly grasped it with his left hand. 

This time, Loki was the one who led Thor forward. He guided Thor out of the hotel room. 

When Loki realized his satin pajamas were receiving a few raised eyebrows, he snapped his fingers and changed his clothes. He chose to wear a black three piece suit with an emerald waistcoat and an emerald cravat. 

Then he glanced back at Thor and realized Thor was wearing Midgardian jeans and a hoodie. 

"Should I match your fashion?" Loki said. "I'm over dressed?"

"You don't need to match me," Thor said. 

"Would you like new clothes, Thor?" Loki said, frowning at the hole on the knee of Thor's jeans. "I can give you better pants? A nicer coat?"

"Aye," Thor said. "Please do so? If you'd like."

Loki beamed at him. 

In the past, Thor had always hated it when Loki fussed over his clothes. 

Today, however, Thor must have decided to humor Loki. 

Not wanting to give Thor the chance to change his mind, Loki quickly pulled an armful of clothing options out of his pocket dimension and then handed them over to Thor. 

"Go into the loo and take a look at yourself in the mirror," Loki said, breathlessly. "I've given you a few choices, Thor, so please look at these clothes and then decide what suits you best, hmm?"

"Will you follow me into the loo, Loki?" Thor whispered. "Please? I fear you'll vanish if I take my eyes off of you."

"Yes, you silly little lord," Loki said, laughing. "I'll follow you into the loo."

One of the Midgardian women, who had been standing nearby with a paramour, dropped the vase of flowers that her man had just handed to her. 

"Sorry!" the Midgardian woman said, looking as flustered as a young woman who had just been caught spitting on a grave. "I'm so sorry!" 

"Not to worry," Loki said, reassuringly. 

He used his magic to rescue the woman's broken vase. The vase glowed with green light and put itself back together, then jumped into Loki's hands with a theatrical flourish. 

Loki grinned at the woman and then held her repaired vase towards her. 

"Be careful not to drop it again," Loki said, cheerfully. "I won't always be around to fix what you've broken."

"Thank you, Prince Loki!" the woman said, taking the vase from him and holding it to her chest. "Thank you!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "You know my name?"

The man that stood beside her was staring at Loki with wide eyes. He said, "Everyone on Earth knows your name, Loki! We all know who you are!"

Loki winced. "I should have realized."

"We know what Thanos did to you," the woman said, quickly. "You've been pardoned, sir! You won't be jailed or punished for fighting with the Avengers while you were under mind control!" 

Loki blinked. 

Mind control? Loki thought. Who told these Midgardians I was under mind control?

Thor laughed, awkwardly, and then said, "My brother and I beg for your forgiveness, Earthlings, but I'm afraid we have some business to attend to? Er, in the loo?"

Both of the Midgardians blushed when Thor said this. 

They politely said their goodbyes and then rushed away. Loki glanced around and realized the other Midgardians were each holding scrying glasses. They were pointing their glasses towards Thor and perhaps saving the memory of the handsome God of Thunder for later perusal. 

Thor was still holding the armful of clothes that Loki had handed him. This time, he didn't bother to grab Loki's hand. He simply said, "Follow me, brother."

Loki nodded. 

Then Thor walked towards a sign labeled: Restroom. 

Loki followed him through a doorway under the sign. 

The room was empty. Thor quickly stripped out of his clothes and put on a white button up shirt and black slacks. He even took off the dirty old sneakers that he was wearing and allowed Loki to give him a snazzy pair of loafers. 

Loki assured Thor that he would save Thor's casual clothes in his pocket dimension where he kept all of the other clothes he'd collected over the years. 

Thor assured Loki that he would be happy to look at some of those clothes at a later time. 

This dealt with, they were then free to pay the hotel staff and leave the hotel's establishment. Loki was grateful for this. He didn't like the way the Midgardians insisted on pointing their scrying glasses at him. 

Unfortunately, things were no better outside of the hotel. There were more men and women with scrying glasses walking up and down the sidewalk. Then, at the restaurant Thor led them towards, there were even more scrying glasses. 

Loki decided not to comment on it. He figured it was simply one of those things he would need to get used to. A strange quirk of the local culture. 

He ate his food in silence and was relieved when Thor didn't make any attempts at awkward conversation. 

After they'd gone through the trouble of eating, they simply hailed another taxi. What followed was a mundane trek through various Midgardian vehicles. Planes, trains, and more taxis. 

Eventually, they reached New York. 

Once they'd safely arrived in the city, Thor sought out Dr. Stephen Strange. 

The man was a mind reader. 

Or so he claimed. 

Loki didn't believe a word of it. 

There were hundreds of silly mortals claiming to be psychics, these days, and Loki knew better than to fall for such tricks. 

However, he politely pretended to believe it when Dr. Strange claimed that he was psychic. 

"It was Djinn Spellwork," Dr. Strange said, to Thor. "I know how to release him from it, but it'll take a few weeks."

"Djinn Spellwork?" Thor said. "What is that?"

Dr. Strange sighed. 

"Loki," Dr. Strange said. "Leave the room."

"Aye," Loki said. "When shall I return?"

"Later," Dr. Strange said. 

"Yes, sire," Loki said. 

He looked at Thor, frowned thoughtfully, and then dutifully made a point to ask, "Should I follow this man's orders or should I defer to you, Thor? You out rank him."

Thor looked at Loki with wide eyes. 

"Thor?" Loki said. 

"Thor is indisposed," Dr. Strange said. "Leave the room, Loki. Now."

"Indisposed?" Loki said, incredulously. "Why would he be indisposed?"

While rapidly blinking, Thor shook his head and said, "Please wait for me outside?"

"Aye," Loki said. "I will wait outside, brother."

Then Loki left Thor alone in Dr. Strange's office. 

He waited patiently, with his hands politely grasped in front of him, and then he gave Thor a beautiful smile when Thor finally came back out of Dr. Strange's office. 

"Loki," Thor said, while glaring at his feet. "Will you go back inside of Dr. Strange's office and allow him to perform magic on you?"

"Yes, brother," Loki said. "Is that all you require?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "Please allow him to break the curse he found inside your mind?"

"Of course, brother," Loki said. "I'll allow it."

"Thank you," Thor said, stiffly. 

"Do you need a hug, Thor?" Loki said, tilting his head. "Dr. Strange said you were indisposed."

"No thank you, brother," Thor said. "Please leave me out here? I will wait for you to return to me. Because I am a good brother, hmm? I will patiently wait and I will trust you to return to me after your curse has been broken."

Loki grinned at him. "Aye?"

Thor put a hand on Loki's shoulder, looked him in the eye, and then softly said, "I will forgive you if you disappear. I will forgive you if you run away from me. If you decide, at a later time, that you would like to return... I will forgive you and welcome you with open arms. When you are frightened, I will give you sanctuary. And when you are angry and wish to leave, I will not chase you."

Loki blinked. 

He spent a few minutes simply standing there while he processed these words. 

Then Loki giggled, delighted, and said, "I love you!" 

"I love you too," Thor said, fiercely. "Please believe me when I say that I love you."

"I'll believe you from now on," Loki said, nodding firmly. "I'll allow you to be my shield brother in arms despite the fact that we share no blood?"

"Good," Thor said. "Please allow Dr. Strange to break your curse, Loki? Please?"

"Aye aye!" Loki said, cheerfully. 

Then he went into Dr. Strange's office and sat down in front of the man's desk. He closed his eyes and braced himself for pain. 

However, there was no pain.

There was only darkness. 

Loki fell asleep. 

Chapter Text

When Loki woke up, his mind was empty. All he knew, with certainty, was that his name was Loki. 

He sat up and examined his surroundings. He was on a bed in a small room. The room was bare. 

Perhaps it was a guest bedroom. 

Loki stood up from the bed and searched the room for clues, but there were none to be found. The walls were simply blank and white. There was no furniture apart from the bed he had been sleeping on. The bed itself only had one pillow and one blanket. Everything was white. 

The door to the room was unlocked, which was a pleasant surprise. Loki poked his head out and waited for someone to shout at him, but no one did. 

He stood there for a few moments. 

Just in case. 

Still, no one shouted at him. 

Pleased, Loki confidently stepped out of the guest bedroom he'd been stashed away in and walked down the hallway. 

There were many doors, but Loki didn't care to open them. 

He wanted to find the sky. He wanted a window to look out of. A balcony to climb out of. Perhaps even a stairwell. 

When he eventually found a stairwell, Loki laughed in disbelief. 

Then he squinted at the ceiling. 

There was usually a watcher, wasn't there? A crystal ball, black and round, that was mounted on the ceiling. 

However, Loki saw no black crystal balls on the ceiling. 

Not today. 

Cheerfully, Loki approached the stairwell. He knew it would lead him towards a ground floor. Then, he would find a way to get himself outside. 

He didn't know where he was, but he knew he wanted to be outside. 

While he walked down the stairs, he made note of the fact that this mysterious mansion was large enough to have several floors. 

Before he reached the ground floor, a woman appeared below him with a puff of red smoke. She smiled up at him, held her left hand up towards him in a beseeching manner, and said, "May I adopt you, Loki?"

Loki frowned at her. "No. You may not."

The woman frowned at him. 

"Did you lose someone?" Loki said. 

"Yes," the woman said. "I lost my children. I lost my family."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Loki said, politely. "I also lost my family, but I cannot replace the ones I lost by adopting the first woman to step in front of me. You realize that, don't you?"

The woman blinked at him. 

"Will you please leave this place?" Loki said. "You don't belong here, ma'am."

"I don't?" She said. 

"No," Loki said. "None of us belong here."

Then the woman held up her right hand. She stood there, a few steps below him, with both of her hands raised up like a woman who was worshipping a deity. 

"My name is Wanda," she said. "Will you remember my name?"

"I'll do my best," Loki said. "Memory is a fickle mistress."

"What if I adopt you as a sister?" Wanda said. "Can I be your sister?"

"No," Loki said. "I already have a sister. You are not her."

"You remember your sister?" Wanda said. 

"No," Loki said, sighing. "The memories are teasing me. They stand in my periphery, but when I turn to look upon them they escape from me. I only know enough to say that I have a sister. One sister. No more than one sister. She isn't here, but she isn't dead. I'll find her. Eventually. You aren't her. I know enough to know that you aren't her."

Wanda finally put her hands down. She began to softly cry. 

"Now now," Loki said. "You will leave this place and you will find a new family. You will leave this place and you will grieve, but then you'll find a new family."

"I want you to be my new family," Wanda said. 

Loki shook his head. "I cannot do that."

"Why not?" Wanda said. 

"I have too many brothers," Loki said. "I have a lot of shield brothers. I must look after them. I apologize, ma'am, but I cannot add you to my family. My family is full of brothers. I must find them. Therefore, I cannot be your brother or your son or your uncle."

"Can I help you find your brothers?" Wanda said, while smiling through her tears. "I'll be a good godmother. I'll help you protect your family?"

"No ma'am," Loki said. "You are not a genie. I am not your master."

Wanda sighed. 

Then she vanished with a puff of red smoke. 

Loki continued down the stairwell. 

When he reached the ground floor, he walked through the foyer without glancing around. He walked straight towards the large double doors that he knew would lead him outside. 

Then he found a blonde man standing outside. The man had shoulder length hair which he had tied back. He wore black slacks and a jean jacket over a simple hoodie. 

"H-hello," the blonde man said. "Are you well?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Who are you?"

The blonde man looked down at his feet. 

"We've met before," Loki said. "Haven't we?"

"Yes," the blonde man said, looking back up. "Do I look familiar?"

"You look like a student, perhaps?" Loki said. "I believe I was once a tutor. Were you one of my students?"

"No," the blonde man said. "I was a warrior. I was meant to study, but I neglected my studies. I went to war instead."

"Aha," Loki said, nodding in a perfunctory manner. "We fought together in the war, didn't we? You were one of... you were a comrade?"

"Yes," the blonde man said. 

He was blinking rapidly. 

"Did the war end?" Loki said. "Or am I needed?"

"You aren't needed, Loki," the blonde man said. "The war is over. You may retire? You might... you can do whatever you'd like to do?"

"I'd like to find my family," Loki said. 

He directed his most charming smile at the blonde man. 

"Will you help me find them?" Loki said. "They must have gotten up to mischief. My siblings are a rowdy lot."

"S-siblings?" the blonde man said, paling. "What siblings?"

"I've forgotten their names," Loki said. "But I had a family. I was taken from them as a boy, but I vaguely remember... hmm... there were seven of us."

The blonde man winced. 

"Will you help me find them?" Loki said. "Or are you needed elsewhere?"  

"I've retired," the blonde man said. "The war is over. I retired."

"I apologize," Loki said, sighing. "Please enjoy your retirement? I'll find my family on my own."

"No!" the blonde man said. "My name is Thor. I... can I help you find your family? Please?"

Loki grinned at him. "You have nothing better to do, Thor? It might take eons to find them. Knowing them, they've probably scattered like leaves in the wind. I'll have to track each of them down individually."

"Please let me help you," Thor said. "You saved my life countless times over the centuries. I'd like to return the favor?"

Loki chuckled. "Oh? I don't remember the details. My mind is a bit foggy today, but I'm sure my memory will return as it pleases."

"It will," Thor said. "The doctor who helped you was a curse breaker. He said that your memories were tangled up in your curse. He said you would spend a few months as an amnesiac, but that your own magic would work in order to recover your memory?"

"I see," Loki said, thoughtfully. "That's good to know."

"I'll help you in the meantime?" Thor said. "Please allow me to help you?"

"Yessir," Loki said. 

Then Loki leaned forward, furtively lowered his voice, and said- as persuasively as possible, "Will you do me the honor of shaking my hand?"

"Shaking your hand?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said, with a winsome smile. "Will you shake my hand, sir?"

Loki tentatively held his right hand out and held his breath. 

Fearlessly, Thor grasped Loki's hand with his own right hand. 

They briefly shook hands. 

Loki breathed a sigh of relief. 

Then Loki said, "I seem to have misplaced my coin purse? Might you point me towards my vault, if I have one? If I don't have one, will you point me towards the nearest employment office?"

"You do have a vault," Thor said. "Asgard's vault has been made available to you."

"Asgard?" Loki said. "Why in heaven's name would Asgard make one of its vault available to me? You speak of the Asgardian treasury?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "You... during the war... you earned a title."

"A title?" Loki said, tilting his head. "The sort of nonsense title the Queen of England likes to hand out to the gentlemen she favors?"

"Yes," Thor said. "In Asgard, they call you Prince Loki."

"Prince?" Loki said, laughing. "Sounds a bit ridiculous, doesn't it? Next thing you know I'll be invited for tea and crumpets at the White House."

"I suppose it is a little silly," Thor said, apologetically. "But I'll simply call you Loki? If you prefer?"

"Bah," Loki said. "I care not. A name is but a name."

Thor nodded. He was rapidly blinking. A single tear escaped from one of his eyes. 

"Are you quite alright?" Loki said. "Did you lose someone in the war?"

"Yes," Thor said. "My mother died."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Loki said. "Would you like a séance? One of my brothers is quite skilled at communing with the dead. Should we look for him first?"

"We can look for him first," Thor said. "You don't need to motivate me with... with promises? I'll help you find your brother."

"I suppose I'm not as clever as I like to think I am," Loki said, smirking. "Very well. Please help me find my séance? He's a charming fellow. He is very... hmm... my brothers would tease us because we looked quite similar to each other? We aren't identical. We aren't fraternal either, but our brothers would call us twins. It was a joke, you know? Harmless ribbing."

"We'll look for him first," Thor said. "I solemnly swear. I'll help you find your brother. I'll help you for as long as you'll allow me to help you?"

"Excellent," Loki said, firmly clasping his hands together. "You said the Asgardians have granted me funds? I suppose they put together one of those relief programs for veterans?"

"Yes," Thor said. "I'll help you access your funds. Are you hungry, Loki? Maybe we should eat first?"

"I'm not hungry at all," Loki said. "But if you're hungry, I'll accompany you to a restaurant and wait until you've finished your meal. There's no hurry, lad. Don't fret."

"You're a generous man," Thor said. 

"No, I'm not," Loki said, frowning. "If anything, you're the one who's a generous man. I've thrust a silly quest on your head and you're humoring me like a gentleman."

"I'm... I... may I tell you something?" Thor said.

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"My father committed a crime against you," Thor said.

"What sort of crime?" Loki said. 

"A magical crime," Thor said. "My father was a mage. He used his magic to poison your mind."

"I see?" Loki said. "You aim to make amends for the sins of your father?"

"Yes!" Thor said. "Will you allow me to make amends?"

"Sure," Loki said, shrugging. "That's fine?"

"That's fine?" Thor echoed. 

"I won't worry about it," Loki said. "Your father is imprisoned? Did the witches council catch him and lock him up for his crimes?"

"No," Thor said. "The witches council... erm... never caught wind of it?"

"Just as well," Loki said. "I suppose karma had her meal in the end. Honestly? I wouldn't dwell on the sins of your father if I were you. They aren't your burden to carry."

"They aren't?" Thor said. 

"Of course not, you silly sapling," Loki said. "What do you have in common with your father, apart from blood? Did you repeat your father's actions once you learned of them?"

"I did not repeat them!" Thor said. 

"There you have it," Loki said. "His sins are not your sins. Therefore, there's no need for you to make amends."

"Might I make amends anyway?" Thor said, mournfully. "Please, Loki?"

"If that's what you'd like to do?" Loki said. "But I'd like to make one thing clear, young man. Crystal clear."

"Yes?" Thor said. 

"I have six siblings that I must find," Loki said. "They are alive. I refuse to believe otherwise. I know that they must be alive. My goal is to hunt them down like a bloodhound that's after rabbits. Except I'll adopt them once I've found them instead of feasting upon them."

"I swear to help you," Thor said. "Please let me help you?"

"Yessir," Loki said. "But I won't have any misunderstandings between us."

"Alright?" Thor said. 

Loki put his hands on his hips. He frowned up at the blonde warrior and squinted at his eyes. 

"You're a war veteran," Loki said. "It's clear to me that we both spent a significant amount of time fighting alongside each other in the war. It also looks like one of your eyes is a prosthetic?" 

"Yes?" Thor said. 

"I won't have you following a warrior's instincts," Loki said, sternly. "We must conduct ourselves like civilians. Like a pair of P.I.'s who are simply investigating a missing persons case. We will find my siblings, but we won't charge in like randy bulls chasing a matador. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," Thor said, breathlessly. "You've made yourself clear. I'll mind my temper. I'll also mind my manners?"

"Good lad," Loki said. "I'm glad we're on the same page."

Thor gave Loki a hesitant smile. 

Then they went to a restaurant together. 

Initially, Loki wasn't hungry, but when he saw the meal Thor ordered for himself his stomach began to growl. 

Belatedly, he ended up ordering the same meal Thor had ordered. 

Then they both ate. Loki finished long after Thor did because he'd started late, but Thor waited patiently while Loki finished eating. 

Then they located the bank that would give Loki a coin purse. It was a quirky bank. A magical bank. Loki was amused by the architecture and pleased by the spellwork that cloaked the building from the other humans. 

With these errands completed, the two of them simply retired in a hotel room for the rest of the day. 

The sunset had approached with startling speed. Loki realized, as they each settled into the separate beds they'd gotten for themselves, that he had woken up rather late in the day. 

"I must have been asleep for quite a while?" Loki said. "Was I injured during the war?"

"No," Thor said. "You... you weren't physically injured. At least, not when I found you. Your body was whole and hale, but your mind was damaged by my father's spellwork."

"I see," Loki said. "Hmm. What was the nature of the curse?"

"Djinn Spellwork," Thor said. 

"I've heard of it, I think," Loki said, thoughtfully. "It rings a bell. Vaguely."

"Your memories will return," Thor murmured. "Dr. Strange has assured me that they'll return. Slowly. They will return."

"Good to know," Loki said. "But don't fret. I'm a man who is more than capable of wandering around with an empty head."

"I know," Thor said. "Please let me wander around with you?"

"If you'd like," Loki said. 

At this point they were each laying down on their separate beds. The hotel room that they'd gotten had provided them with two queen sized beds. 

Loki stared at the ceiling over his head and wondered if his circadian rhythm would be able to recover from his brief bout of mental illness. 

I shouldn't allow myself to stay awake, Loki thought. I'm not tired because I woke up late, but if I stay awake all night I'll never fix my circadian rhythm.

"Loki?" Thor said, tentatively. 

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"The man you're looking for," Thor said. "The one you said was a séance... is his name Klaus Beaufoy?"

Loki sat up. "Where is this guess coming from?"

"I met a séance, once," Thor said. "Briefly. Very briefly. He told me he was looking for his twin brother. I thought it was a jest."

"Aha!" Loki said, laughing. "What did he look like?"

"He was brunette," Thor said. "He had tattoos. He said his twin wasn't a literal twin brother. He said he and his brother were adopted, but that he would carry on calling his missing brother a twin even though he wasn't a twin? I thought he was an odd man."

"That must have been Séance," Loki said. "When I knew him his name was simply Séance. Naming conventions were simple, back then. We didn't have proper names, but he was Séance and I was... I forgot what my name was. But his name was Séance."

"I met him while attempting to contact my mother," Thor said, softly. "I wanted to find a window into Valhalla. I wanted to ask her about the crime my father committed against you. I wanted to know if she was ignorant or if she was complicit."

"Did you find your window?" Loki said. 

"No," Thor said. "The séance I met wasn't able to find her. He told me he suspected she had faked her death. I didn't like the implication. I'm afraid I lost my temper and stormed out of his office. When I later returned, I discovered the entire place had been ransacked and abandoned."

"Drat," Loki said. "He must have been spooked."

"Do you want to return to that place tomorrow?" Thor said. "We can look for clues?"

"Yes," Loki said. "That sounds like the perfect place to start our investigation."

"Then that is where we'll start," Thor said. 

Reassured by this, Loki laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling once more. 

Then Loki said, "Did the other warriors survive?"

"Yes," Thor said. "All of them survived."

"All of them?" Loki said, scoffing. "Don't lie to me."

"They survived, Loki," Thor said. "Thanks to you. Every warrior in our company survived."

"I find that hard to believe," Loki said. "War is as war does. There are always a few casualties."

"There were a lot of casualties," Thor said. "But none of our men died. The people who died were strangers to us. You were protective of the men in our company. You insured their survival with your magic."

"Hmm," Loki said. "I hope you know I'm not going to blindly believe every word out of your mouth?"

Thor chuckled. "I suppose that's fair enough?"

"Good," Loki said. "Go to sleep, comrade. We need to sleep."

"Aye," Thor said. "I'll go to sleep."

Loki huffed. He tossed and turned for a bit, angrily punched his pillow to fluff it up, and then said, "Do you suppose we might stop in at a pub for a pint or two? I might have an easier time sleeping after a drink?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "We can visit a pub."

Once they were at the pub, they didn't stop drinking after a pint or two. They had several pints. They had too many pints. Then they stumbled back to their hotel and collapsed into the blissful sleep of the very drunk. 

Perhaps it was wrong to find sleep this way. 

Loki didn't care. 

Neither did Thor, apparently, so they simply slept off the alcohol and woke up at noon. They were adults, so there weren't any parents around to scold them like naughty schoolboys. 

Then they finally began their quest. 

Chapter Text

When Loki opened his eyes, he was laying upon a rather lumpy bed of smoldering volcanic rocks. 

Muspelheim was simply the Fire Realm, in those days, but Odin named the planet Muspelheim when he conquered it. It was added to his collection of realms and given a spiffy new name because that was simply what war mongering imperialists liked to do with the places that they conquered. They loved naming their land. 

Before Odin was even a seedling in the loins of Bor, however, Loki was a man who woke up one day while laying upon a rather lumpy bed of smoldering volcanic rocks. 

Before he could dwell on the rocks, or the lava that ominously flowed like a river around the small island he was resting on, a beautiful woman was leaning over him and kissing him upon the lips. 

No one asked for consent, in those days. They were rude people. 

Still, Loki knew enough to know that one mustn't upset a woman who's hair was on fire. The woman above him had flaming red hair that was literally flaming as it floated all about her. 

"Can you hear my words, djinn?" the woman huskily whispered, against his lips. "I was told the Alltongue would make me clear to you?"

"Aye," Loki whispered back. "I hear you."

The woman leaned back and grinned at him. She was a lovely lady, apart from the fire. Her skin was red, but it didn't scorch him. Her eyes were ordinary despite all of the alarming fire. 

"Do I frighten you?" she murmured. 

"No, no," Loki said. "Why would I be frightened of such a beautiful woman? I am not frightened."

"Hmm," the woman said. "I don't believe you?"

"To each their own beliefs?" Loki said. 

He gave her his most charming smile and was rewarded when the woman giggled. 

Then the hair on her head gently floated down and flattened itself. The flames on her head were snuffed out. 

This encouraged Loki to finally sit upright. 

"Did you have a bad day, darling?" Loki said. "I hope you know you can confide in me. We can even skip straight to the pillow talk."

"Oh?" the woman said. "And avoid consummating our marriage?"

"Marriage?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't realize this was my wedding day?"

"Of course you didn't realize it, silly djinn," the woman said, with an aggressive smile. "You didn't realize you were born to be my handsome consort."

"Hmm," Loki said. "You drive a hard bargain? I... hmm... I will tolerate treatment as a handsome consort on one condition?"

"You think you have the authority to set conditions?" the woman said, with amusement. 

"Aye," Loki said, reaching out to firmly grab her by the shoulders. "Look upon my face, woman. Do you see my face? My very face is worth all the stars in the sky. You know this well, don't you? That is why you've chosen me as a husband."

The woman leaned forward into his space and gave him another kiss. It was a chaste kiss this time. A brief one. 

Then she bopped him on the nose, giggled, and said, "You're even more lovely than the legends had described. I cannot deny this."

Loki chuckled. 

"Very well," the woman said. "What would you have me agree to?"

"I have a simple desire," Loki said. "I'd prefer to marry a woman who won't bind my magic. I won't wear a collar. I won't wear cuffs around my wrists. I will not be trapped in a tower or squeezed into a bottle. If you heed these words, I'll be more than a handsome husband. I'll be a dutiful husband. A loyal husband. A husband with clever hands and a skillful tongue, eh?"

"Yes!" the woman said, laughing. "I will grant you the freedom you desire on the condition that you always return to my bedchamber. Every night, do you hear me? I'll even allow you to play with other women, so long as my bed is the one you sleep in at night."

"My goodness," Loki said, dramatically fanning himself. "This is the best proposal I've ever received."

"You are the fairest of them all," the woman said, breathlessly. "You are the most prized jewel of the Frost Realm. Please join with me? I am the queen of the Fire Realm. Together, we will give birth to the very universe?"

"Aye," Loki said. "I'll marry you."

To drive the point home, Loki gave the woman a passionate kiss. 

She told him her name, shortly after this, but the sands of time muddled her name. They called her Glut, or some such nonsense. 

That was not her name. 

However, while looking back, Loki couldn't remember her actual name. No matter how hard he concentrated, the name remained out of his reach.

It didn't matter, in the end. Their marriage was rather short lived. 

"I am Hela Odinsdottir!" a tall Aesir woman screamed, from atop a warrior's chariot. "I have come to conquer the Fire Realm for Asgard!" 

She'd brought an army of Valkyrie who each road atop horses with wings. 

Loki looked at his queenly wife and waited for her to order him to turn into a dragon or something, but the woman didn't do that. 

Instead of telling him to defend her Queendom, his wife ordered him to flee for his life. 

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said. "Is it not the job of a royal consort to defend his queen and country?"

"No!" the queen said. "I want you to survive this war, Loki! You will leave this place!" 

"No!" Loki shouted. "I won't hide like a cowardly little dog!" 

In the end, she invoked Djinn Magic and used it against him. Forcefully, his wife opened a worm hole to the Ice Realm and sent Loki back to the land where he had been born. 

The last thing he saw, before he fell through the portal, was the Fire Queen's flaming red hair. It was a flame that grew to surround her entire body. She set herself on fire and then she floated up into the air, like a comet, and flew towards the Aesir warriors who were attacking her realm.  

Loki woke up in a pile of snow. He found that he was surrounded by giant women. Each of them had flowing white hair and pale blue skin. They were eager to help him out of the snow.

They were each twice his height. They placed their hands upon his chest and were fascinated by the fact that he was a darker shade of blue than they were. Their blue was a sky blue and his was nearly as dark as the ocean.

None of these women said a word to him. Loki later theorized that they simply didn't speak the same language as him. However, they used their body language in their attempts to communicate. They placed their hands upon their stomachs and then one of them touched his own stomach. 

Then she pointed at her own mouth and mimed biting into a meal. 

Loki nodded. 

He was hungry. He was cold, he was hungry, and he was not properly dressed for the Ice Realm's weather. In the Fire Realm he had simply warn loose linen pants and nothing else. He was still wearing these linen pants and he shivered against the biting wind of the Frost Realm. 

One of the women knelt in front of him and opened her arms. Loki realized she wanted to carry him. 

It was a humiliating request, but he wasn't wearing shoes. Because he wasn't wearing shoes, he decided to swallow his pride. 

He stepped forward and allowed the giant woman to carry him like a toddling babe. The other women in her group cheered when she lifted Loki up into her arms and led the way toward her village. 

Once they reached the village, Loki was bundled into warm furs. He was given a bowl of hot soup and surrounded by the cheerfully chattering voices of a foreign language. 

I'm in the wrong time and place, Loki thought. 

He had no idea what time he belonged in. He knew he was born in the Frost Realm. He knew that he was currently standing upon the Frost Realm, but he had the vague sense that he had time traveled to a prehistoric year. A year he did not belong in. 

There was no means of escape, however. 

The Frost Realm he now lived on was exclusively populated by giant women. They were all the same sky blue. They were all fascinated by the markings on Loki's skin. He knew enough to know that he had not been born with these markings. Someone had carved them into him with a knife. It had been ritualistic, painful, and intended to protect him against enemy magic. 

Or perhaps it had been intended to bind him with enemy magic. 

Loki couldn't remember his own past. The only memory he retained was the brief time he had spent in the Fire Realm with the Fire Queen. 

Later, he would be informed that his time in the Fire Realm had not been brief. Later, the scholars would tell him that he had spent thousands of years with the Fire Queen. 

Loki found this difficult to believe. It had gone by in the blink of an eye. Or so it had seemed. 

The Psychologists would say the memories were foggy because it had been a peaceful time in his life. A calm time of prosperity with little worry. The Psychologists would say that the mind was made to forget pleasant memories in favor of unpleasant memories. They would spout nonsense about evolution, survival, and defense mechanisms. 

Loki thought it was a boatload of tripe. 

But no one ever cared to know what he thought about these things. 

The Frost Realm fell to Asgard shortly after the Fire Realm did. The Fire Realm was renamed Muspelheim and the Frost Realm was renamed Niflheimr.

Later, King Odin would change his mind about the Frost Realm's name. He would discover a small dwarf planet orbiting the bigger Frost planet and he would rename the dwarf planet Niflheimr and call the larger Frost planet Jötunheimr. 

Before he did this, however, Loki was living on the largest Jötunn planet known as Niflheimr. He was attempting to learn the language that the other Frost Jötunn's were speaking because he wanted to politely explain to them that he had been mistaken for a child. 

He wanted to tell them that he was not a child. It was tiresome being mistaken for a babe. The women loved to pull him onto their laps and cuddle him like a small pet. They would proudly present him with furs and with food and they would fret if he ventured out into the snow without supervision. 

Learning their language was difficult because they didn't have a writing system. They didn't have tutors or scholars of any kind. They simply spoke with each other and told stories, but had no concept of providing him with a formal education. 

He might have eventually made enough progress to speak to them if it weren't for Hela Odinsdottir. The warrior princess of Asgard swanned into the village Loki was living in a few years after the planet had been conquered. 

"Where is the Jötunn known as Loki?" Hela Odinsdottir shouted, while walking through the village with her sword aggressively raised. "Bring him out here, savages! I'll take him by force if you refuse to give him up!" 

The other Jötunns had no idea what Hela Odinsdottir was saying. They didn't speak English. 

Loki took advantage of this. He ducked out from under the arm of the Frost Jötunn that had protectively stepped in front of him and ran towards Hela Odinsdottir with his hands up. 

"I am the Jötunn known as Loki!" Loki shouted. "Does the Fire Queen search for me?"

"Nay," Hela Odinsdottir said, smirking. "The Fire Queen is dead. I killed her myself."

Loki simply stood there. He didn't have words to describe how he felt in that moment. He simply stood there and put his arms back down. 

The other Jötunns didn't speak English, but they were feeling protective. They always felt protective towards Loki because he was much smaller than them. They rushed forward to place themselves between him and Hela Odinsdottir. 

"No!" Loki shrieked. "You'll be killed!" 

The Jötunns didn't understand his warning, but the warrior princess did. She laughed.

She had to project her voice out over the crowd, but the Aesir Hela Odinsdottir was a woman of magic. Loki had no trouble hearing her. 

"If you would like to prevent bloodshed on this day, you will come away with me and become my beautiful bride!" Hela Odinsdottir said. "You will be mine either way, but these women will not lose their lives if you come willingly."

Loki also used magic to project his own voice back towards her over the heads of the entire village.  

"Bride?" Loki said. "I'm not a bride? I would be a groom."

At this point every Jötunn in the village was crouched defensively and wielding swords made out of ice. They scowled at the Aesir invader and waited to see if she would make a move against them. 

Hela Odinsdottir was still holding her sword up, but the fact that she stood before them without an army was likely cause enough for the Jötunns to restrain themselves against attacking her outright. 

"I was told the Jötunn People were all women," Hela Odinsdottir said. "Is that not the case, Loki of Muspelheim?"

"This is the first I'm hearing of it?" Loki said. "I don't know enough about the Aesir to be able to explain our differences."

"Bah," Hela Odinsdottir said. "I care not. Man or woman, I will have you as my spouse. Loki of Muspelheim is the most beautiful Jötunn in the universe. Therefore, I will have you."

"Very well!" Loki said, impatiently. "If you restrain yourself from unnecessary bloodshed, I will be your spouse!" 

"Tell your people to make way," Hela Odinsdottir said, sternly. "Tell them you would like to come away with me."

"I'm not able to do that," Loki said. "I don't speak the same language that they speak."

"Is that so?" Hela Odinsdottir said. "Or you aim to trick me?"

"I'm Loki of the Fire Realm," Loki growled. "Why would I know the Frost Realm's language?"

"Hmm," Hela Odinsdottir said. "Is suppose I see your reasoning."

The warrior shrugged to herself, sheathed her sword, and then exuberantly opened her arms. 

"You will run to me like an eager bride," Hela Odinsdottir said. "Your people will recognize that you are willing. Then we will leave this place and none of your Jötunns will lose their lives."

Loki nodded. 

He used Spatial Magic to teleport around the village of Frost Jötunns. They gasped when he did this. Not because they'd never seen him teleport before. They'd seen it often enough while he was navigating their cumbersome furniture, which was too large for him. 

But they gasped, in dismay, as they watched him teleport closer to the foreign Aesir warrior that had come into their village uninvited. 

They further wept and wailed when they saw Loki dramatically run towards Hela Odinsdottir and embrace her. 

"Very good, little snowflake," Hela Odinsdottir whispered, while firmly squeezing him against her chest. "You'll be a good bride, won't you?"

Loki was irritated by this. He was taller than Hela Odinsdottir, so what gave her the right to call him a little snowflake?

However, he didn't want to alarm the village of Frost Jötunns. He didn't want to give them cause to point their ice swords at Hela Odinsdottir. 

He leaned back from the hug and gave Hela Odinsdottir his most charming smile.

"I'll be a good bride if you take me away from this place, hmm?" Loki said, persuasively. "I'm a man who is accustomed to living in a palace."

"Oho," Hela Odinsdottir said. "You'll be showered in jewels and furs, handsome consort. You will be respected as a consort and you will be worshiped by the people of Asgard."

"That's fine," Loki said. "Where is your chariot? Did you simply walk through the snow for miles?"

"I don't need a chariot," Hela Odinsdottir said. "The Aesir is more technologically advanced than your people. We have the Bifrost."

Before Loki could ask further questions, the Aesir warrior princess grinned up at the sky and shouted, "Heimdall! I've caught my bride!"

Then there was a blinding flash of light and the sensation of being pulled through another worm hole. 

Loki blinked at his surroundings and realized he was standing on Asgard's heavenly planet. The very same land of riches and honey that had been described in countless legends. The land which fostered Idunn's apple orchard, which was said to grow the ambrosia that would grant mortals immortality. 

Boisterously, Hela Odinsdottir lifted Loki off of his feet and cheerfully said, "I have won myself a gorgeous Jötunn, Heimdall! Isn't he even more lovely than the legends would have you believe?"

There was a tall black man who stood at Asgard's heavenly gates. He was wearing golden armor and wielding a large golden staff. 

"Aye, princess," Heimdall said. "His hair is as white as the snow and his dewy skin is as blue as a beautiful sky. His warriors markings are fearsome and his eyes are soulful."

Hela Odinsdottir put Loki back down on his feet and smacked him on the ass.

"Aye!" Hela Odinsdottir said, gleefully. "Father will not protest once he understands that this here Jötunn is prettier than the rest of his people!" 

Loki sighed. 

"Aye, princess," Heimdall said. "He will not protest."

The legends would later say that Odin Allfather had adopted Loki as a baby. The tales declared that Odin had found a helpless Jötunn Midget abandoned in the snow and his heart strings had moved the man to adopt a baby which had been coldly rejected by the heartless Frost Giants. The Aesir would say that the Frost Giants only prized Jötunn Giants and sneered at Jötunn Midgets. 

This was a fabrication. 

However, Loki himself would come to believe the fabrication once Odin's wife used her Memory Magic against him. 

But that was later. Centuries later. 

First, Loki arrived on Asgard as the kidnapped spouse of Hela Odinsdottir.

Kidnapping a spouse was perfectly acceptable in those days. The Aesir were a group of Vikings who regularly kidnapped their spouses. 

They were rude people. 

"Prince Loki?"

Loki was reading a book in Asgard's library. He looked up and found that a young blonde boy was smiling at him from the other end of the table Loki was leaning his elbows against.

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"May I ask you a question, Prince Loki?" the blonde boy said. 

"Yes, you may," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "What is your question, child?"

"Are you in love with Hela?" the blonde boy said. 

Loki frowned. "What kind of silly question is that?"

The blonde boy shrugged, bashfully, but then he jutted out his chin and said, "Are you in love with Hela? Will you tell me? Please?"

"Why are you asking?" Loki said. 

"Hela has a lot of concubines," the blonde boy said, disapprovingly. "I fear she is neglecting you?"

"I'm more than happy to be neglected," Loki said, chuckling. "It gives me more time to read."

"Truly?" the blonde boy said, pouting. "You don't need to lie to me, Prince Loki. I'll scold her for you. Might I scold her on your behalf?"

"Please don't scold the princess of Asgard," Loki said, huffing. "You might lose your head, you silly little thing."

The blonde boy blushed, looked down at the table in front of him, and then looked back up and said, "I'm the prince of Asgard! I can scold the princess whenever I'd like!"

Loki frowned. "Oh? I didn't know Odin had another child."

"You didn't know?" the blonde boy said, incredulously. "But I'm at every meal! I sit across from you at the dinning table at every meal, Prince Loki!"

"Aye?" Loki said. "You're a small thing, child. I suppose I didn't notice you?"

"But I'm the prince of Asgard," the blonde boy said, pouting. "How could you fail to notice me?"

"I apologize?" Loki said. "From now on, I'll notice you."

"If I ask my mother to move my chair, will you be annoyed with me?" the blonde boy said. "If I sit next to you at meals, will you be angry?"

"I won't be angry," Loki said. "But wouldn't you rather sit with children your own age?"

"No," the blonde boy said. "I'd rather sit with my Prince Loki!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "Do what you will?"

"Am I bothering you?" the blonde boy said. "Would you prefer to read?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Might I return to my book?"

"Yes," the blonde boy said, sighing. 

He looked down, like a disappointed child whose parents were neglecting him, and began to walk away. 

Loki put down his book and said, "Wait."

The blonde boy spun back around with a bright smile. 

"Yes?" he said, breathlessly. 

"What is your name?" Loki said. 

"Apollo," the boy said, puffing himself up proudly. "I'm the god of the sun."

"Very well," Loki said. "I'll remember your name, Apollo. When you sit next to me at meals, I'll be sure to entertain you."

"Entertain me?" Apollo said. "What do you mean?"

"I imagine the feasts are very tiresome for a child?" Loki said. "Have you gotten bored, godling? I'll be your companion during the meals. I'll tell you stories, hmm? Then you won't be able to sulk, yes?"

Apollo giggled. "You are as generous as you are beautiful, Prince Loki!"

"Yes, yes," Loki said, chuckling. "Run along now. I'll see you at dinner."

"Yes sire," Apollo said. 

Apollo walked away with a skip in his step. 

At one point, Loki lost memories. He would later learn that the Allmother had taken them, but he would never discover her reason for doing so.

When Loki woke up, one day, he found that he was in a tent in the woods with a group of four warriors. They told him they had taken him to Midgard for his own safety. 

Then they introduced themselves. 

Hogun the Grim, a Vanir half-elf. 

Fandral the Dashing, an Aesir who was raised inside the underwater city of Atlantis. 

Volstagg the Enormous, an Aesir who was raised on Midgard. 

Thor the God of Thunder, the Aesir prince of Asgard. 

These four warriors assured him that they were dedicated knights. They would defend him with their lives. 

"What are you defending me against?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Hela!" Fandral said, angrily. "That mad warrior has lost her mind!"

"She lost her mind?" Loki said. "Why did she lose her mind?"

"My father is going to imprison her," Thor said, reassuringly. "She was war mongering all over the universe, but my father is going to put a stop to it." 

"I suppose that's a good thing," Loki said. "She's a blood thirsty woman."

"You'll never have to sleep in her bed again, Prince Loki!" Hogun cried. "We'll protect you!"

Loki blinked at the half elf in surprise. 

"Erm, thank you?" Loki said. "That's very kind of you?"

The half elf lost his composure and began to weep. Volstagg, a large red headed warrior, put his arms around his smaller companion and made shushing sounds. 

Loki didn't know how to react to this odd behavior, so he simply sat there upon the cot he'd found himself waking up on and waited for some sort of instruction. 

"Would you like to venture into the woods?" Fandral said. "We can hunt game?"

"Aye!" Thor said. "You can go outside whenever you'd like to go outside, Prince Loki!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "We should break our fast."

Hogun was attempting to smother his tears, but he was losing the battle. Volstagg hurriedly led him out of the tent.

"Is your companion unwell?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Fandral said. "But he will recover."

"I see," Loki said. "Did his family die?"

"No, no," Thor said. "No one died."

Then Thor winced and added, "None of our people died, I should say. And none of Hogun's people have died. The people of Vanaheim have been living peacefully for centuries."

"Aye," Loki said. "They capitulated to Asgard's empire without a fight."

"Hades!" Fandral said. "I hate your father, Thor!"

"I apologize!" Thor said. 

"Wait!" Loki said, urgently. "You must not say things like that, Fandral!"

"Hades in a handbasket!" Fandral said. 

He spun around and stomped out of the tent. 

"Did I offend him?" Loki said. 

"No," Thor said, mournfully. "My father and my sister offended him with their imperialist dogma."

Loki frowned. 

"I apologize," Thor said, softly. "Please trust that we will keep you safe. Hela will be captured and imprisoned. The war is over. There will be no more war mongering."

"Truly?" Loki said. "There's always a war for one reason or another."

"No longer," Thor said, firmly. "We aren't going to conduct ourselves like senseless Vikings. That era is over and behind us."

"Hmm," Loki said. "If you say so?"

"May I give you a hug, Prince Loki?" Thor said. "You may say no. You don't have to tolerate my hug."

"Then I will say no," Loki said, glancing away from him. 

"Aye," Thor said. 

Thor sat down upon the ground, sighed, and said, "Are you hungry?"

"No," Loki said. 

"Aye," Thor said. 

Cautiously, Loki stood up from the cot and approached the tent's exit. 

Thor made no move to restrain him. 

Loki poked his head out to glance about. He saw that they were in a forest. It was dark out. There was a lit campfire which Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg had all sat around. 

Hogun was no longer crying. 

The three men were discussing something, but Loki couldn't hear what they were saying. They spoke with the hushed voices of men who did not want to be overheard, so Loki went back into the tent. 

Thor was still sitting on the floor. He was frowning at his knees. 

Hesitantly, Loki sat down beside him. 

Then, Loki put his arm around Thor. 

Simply one arm. It was not an embrace. It was a half hug. A small gesture of comradery. He wanted to stay in the warrior's good graces, but he didn't want to be restrained in the man's arms. 

Thor lit up with a smile when Loki put an arm around him. He seemed to recognize that Loki did not want to receive a hug in turn, so he kept his hands to himself. 

"I love you, Prince Loki," Thor murmured. 

"You love me?" Loki said, scoffing. "Why do you love me?"

"You are a kind man," Thor said. "You are intelligent and noble."

"No," Loki said. "I'm not any of those things."

"Yes you are," Thor insisted. "I love you because you are all of those things and more."

"I won't scold you," Loki said. "But I've never laid eyes on you. I won't return your love."

"I understand," Thor said. "Please allow me and my warriors to protect you? At least until Hela has been imprisoned. Once she's been imprisoned, we'll take you back to Jötunheimr."

"Jötunheimr?" Loki said, sneering balefully. "I don't want to go to Jötunheimr."

"You don't?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "I don't even speak the same language as the Jötunn Giants."

"Truly?" Thor said, looking baffled by the idea. "You don't speak their language at all?"

"I don't," Loki said, sighing. "I was never given the opportunity to learn it."

"I see," Thor said. "Then where would you like to go once we've captured Hela? You will gain your freedom when Hela is sent to her prison, so where would you like to go?"

"I have no idea," Loki said. 

"I understand," Thor said. "Do you still enjoy Asgard's library? Would you like to continue living in Asgard?"

"That suits me fine," Loki said. "I'll stay on Asgard."

"Alright," Thor said. "But we must stay here on Midgard until Hela has been captured. She'll have a harder time finding us if we stay here."

"I won't run from you," Loki said. "I'll wait patiently, hmm? Don't fret."

"Thank you," Thor said. "Are you not hungry? You truly aren't hungry?"

"I'm not hungry," Loki said. 

"I fear you have gotten a bit thin, this decade?" Thor said. 

"Put your fears away, boy," Loki said, huffing. "I'm Jötunn. My people may have a reputation as giants, but my biology is not the same as the biology of the Aesir people. I'm perfectly healthy at my current weight. I don't need to bulk up to match your people's ideal of good health."

"Oh," Thor said. "I see?"

"Would you settle down?" Loki said. "I'm not a toddling babe."

"Aye," Thor said. "I'll settle down."

To encourage good behavior, Loki decided to turn towards Thor and embrace him more fully. This time Thor also put his own arms around Loki, which Loki decided was acceptable. 

They remained like that for a few minutes.

Then Loki teleported outside of the tent, frowned at the warriors who were settled around the campfire, and announced, "We must break our fast, gentleman."

The other warriors scrambled to stand up and shout, "Aye!"

Thor himself tumbled out of his tent like a man who'd just been electrocuted. His hair was standing on end. 

"Are you alright?" Loki said. 

"Aye!" Thor said. "I'm well!"

"Will someone please give me a bow and arrow?" Loki said. "I'll hunt my own rabbits."

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Right away, Prince Loki! I'll fetch you a bow and arrow!"

The man ran off towards another tent, which was further along the trees. 

"We will be a group of merry men," Loki said, sternly. "We won't bother the people of Midgard with any nonsense."

"Aye!" Volstagg said. "No malarky to be found here on this day! Simply peaceful men who are camping in the woods and hunting rabbits!" 

"Very good," Loki said. 

Hogun quickly returned with an armful of bows and arrows. He gave out the weapons to each of them and then cheerfully led the charge into the forest.

He was a bit too loud with his enthusiasm. It took them ages to catch their food, but Loki didn't mind this. 

He had all the time in the world. 

Loki used his magic to hide his blue skin from the Midgardians. He knew they would call him a demon if they saw him for what he really was. He also darkened his hair a bit, to prevent them from catching a glimpse of his snowy white hair. 

The warriors in his company were a cheerful sort. They were happy to skin their own rabbits and prepare their own meals. They chatted with each other as they went about this work. 

They continued speaking even as they ate. Loki thought the food might grow cold because the men were taking so many pauses between bites to converse with each other, but the men did not complain of cold food. 

Loki himself remained quiet. He ate in silence and finished his meal first. 

Then he cautiously walked away from the warriors in his company, returning to the tent he had woken up in. None protested, so Loki supposed he was permitted to spend a few moments alone. 

He sat in the tent and took a peek inside his pocket dimension. Normally, there would be a stack of books in there. 

However, today, he was distressed to discover that his pocket dimension had been emptied. There was not a single book. There was not a cloak or a gold coin or even a single photograph. 

Who emptied my pocket dimension, Loki wondered. And why had they done so?

That was when Loki noticed the holes in his memory. He noticed that someone had used magic to tamper with his very mind. 

Thor later found Loki curled in on himself with his knees to his chest and his arms around his legs, face tucked in. 

"Prince Loki?" Thor whispered. "Are you well?"

Loki didn't respond. He kept his eyes tightly shut and his arms firmly around his legs. 

He felt himself being lifted off the floor and carried to the cot, where he was gently put down. 

"Please remain calm," Thor murmured. "I'll protect you."

Loki didn't respond. 

There was nothing to be said. 

Loki woke up and found that Hogun the Grim was sitting beside his cot. 

He sat up and frowned at the tent's ceiling. 

"Are you well, Prince Loki?" Hogun said. 

"Yes," Loki said, shortly. 

"Did you sleep well?" Hogun said. 

"Yes," Loki said. 

"Are you hungry?" Hogun said. 

"No," Loki said. 

"Would you like to be alone?" Hogun said. 

"Yes," Loki said. 

He kept his eyes firmly on the ceiling, but he heard Hogun stand up and leave the tent. 

When Loki was hungry, he ventured out of the tent. He was greeted by cheerful warriors who handed him a bow and arrow. They went into the forest to hunt for their meal. Then they sat around the campfire and ate their food. 

Once again, the men talked amongst themselves while they ate. 

Once again, Loki ate in silence. He finished his meal before they did because he ate in silence. 

Then Loki returned to his tent. 

When Hela Odinsdottir had been successfully captured and imprisoned, Loki was permitted to return to his bedchamber on Asgard. He was also granted access to his books. 

Furtively, Loki made a copy of each book he was able to get his hands on. He stored the copies in his pocket dimension and then politely put the books back on their shelves. 

For the most part, he was left to his own devices. He would see the other Asgardians during meals or he would run into a few of them while he was at the library, but otherwise he was left alone. 

Occasionally, Thor would knock on the door to Loki's bedchamber. Loki would let the big man inside and politely ask after his health. 

Thor would say that he was healthy and then politely ask after Loki's own health. To this, Thor would receive the same sort of answer. Loki himself was also healthy. 

It appeared that every single person on Asgard was hardy and hale. None had any cause for sorrow, for there was no war, and none had any cause for ill health, for they ate Idunn's apples at every opportunity. 

Loki decided to maintain the disguise he had crafted while on Midgard. He liked the fact that the other Asgardians were no longer sneering at him. Before he'd donned his disguise, they would turn up their noses whenever they saw the Jötunn consort. 

Now that he looked Aesir, the other Asgardians smiled at him. They would hold doors open for him. They would even give him flowers, on occasion. 

Loki decided it was worth the magic. He would maintain his white skin, from now on. He even took things a step further and darkened his hair to a lovely raven black. One of the Aesir women loved to pet Loki's head and tell him that he was as fair as Snow White herself. 

Her name was Amora. 

The first time Amora told Loki he was as fair as Snow White, Loki rewarded the compliment by pulling a banquet of red roses out of his pocket dimension. He handed them to her with a flourish and she blushed prettily. 

"Will you go to the ball with me, Prince Loki?" Amora said, while holding the roses. "Will you be my date?"

"Yes," Loki said. "I'll escort you like a gentleman. I'm a very good dancer."

"Thank you," Amora said, beaming at him. "I'll be the envy of Asgard, with you on my arm."

Loki chuckled. 

He thought it was he that would be the envy of Asgard. Amora was the most beautiful Aesir that had ever lived. Everyone loved to admire her long blonde hair and enchanting smile. She would blink out at the world with lovely blue eyes and she would daintily giggle at all the warriors who attempted to win her attention during jousting tournaments. 

It baffled Loki that she was even humoring the idea of taking a Jötunn to a ball as her date, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Gallantly, he offered to use his magic to enhance her ballgown. He would make sure that she glittered like a woman encased in diamonds. He would ensure that her slippers glistened as if they were sheer and made of glass, but he would also make sure they were comfortable enough for her to freely dance in. 

"Thank you, Loki," Amora murmured. "That sounds wonderful. I'd also like you to wear a white tuxedo. I want your lovely raven hair to be in contrast with your white tuxedo. You'll also wear a black waistcoat and a black bowtie, hmm? You'll look dashing."

"And black penny loafers, do you think?" Loki said. "Perhaps I'll pin a black corsage to my lapel?" 

"Marvelous," Amora said, excitedly clasping her hands together. "And will you slick your hair back? Perhaps shorten it a bit? Like those spiffy Midgardian gentlemen?"

"Of course," Loki said, grinning at the idea. "I'll be as fashionable as the mortals. I'll guide you into Asgard's ballroom and dance with you until you'd rather dance with another?"

"I'll only want to dance with you, snowflake," Amora said, seductively leaning closer to him. "You're the fairest of them all. I hope you know that I sincerely mean it when I say this? You're the most gorgeous man in all of Asgard."

Loki blushed. 

He didn't believe her, but he decided to humor her pretty lie. 

Once they'd done themselves up in their best clothing, the two of them went to Asgard's ball. It was a Yule Ball. A new tradition that King Odin had started in honor of the Midgardian's winter festivities. 

True to her word, Amora only danced with Loki for the entire night. Several Aesir men approached them and asked if they might borrow Loki's dance partner, but Amora rejected every single one of them.

When the night was done, Amora led Loki into her bedchamber. She pulled him onto her bed and softly kissed him. 

Then she whispered in his ear, "Sleep, my prince. Have sweet dreams."

Loki woke up in Amora's bed and found that she was tenderly embracing him even while she slept. 

Delighted by this, he gave her a kiss on her forehead. 

She opened her eyes, softly smiled at him, and then kissed him. 

They spent some time simply kissing each other like romantic lovers. 

Then Amora pulled away and said, "Will you marry me?"

"Of course," Loki said, promptly. "I would love to marry you, Amora."

"I love you, Loki," Amora said. "I'll be a good wife."

"Of course," Loki said. "I have no doubt you'll be my best wife."

"I'll be your first wife," Amora said, sternly. "You'll forget about Hela Odinsdottir. You'll also forget the Fire Jötunn."

"Yes, Amora," Loki said. "I'll forget them."

Amora grinned at him, laughed, and then gave him another kiss. 

On their wedding day, all of Asgard attended to weep over the festivities. Some of the men were angry, but some of them were simply sad to know that they had lost their chance to marry Amora. 

"My beautiful Freya Amora has tied herself to a beast!" one of the men sobbed, while clutching a large tankard of ale. "My lovely Freya Amora is going to freeze to death in his embrace!" 

His companion simply sighed and patted the sobbing man on the back. 

Loki laughed at all of the weeping men and told himself he was the luckiest man in all of the nine realms. 

A few weeks after the wedding, Thor Odinson approached Loki like a man who was prepared to throw himself on a sword for queen and country.

"Please be honest, Prince Loki," Thor said, sternly. "Is Mardöll behaving herself?"

Loki frowned at him. "Who?"

"Pardon me," Thor said. "Is Freya Amora behaving herself?"

"Oh?" Loki said, chuckling. "Her true name is Mardöll?"

"That was her birth name," Thor said. "But she changed her name when she fled Asgard to study with Sorceress Karnilla."

"I see?" Loki said. "I promise to be a good husband. I'll treat her well."

"But is she treating you well?" Thor said. "Is she... has she used her magic on you?"

"Of course not, silly sapling," Loki said. "Why would my beautiful wife use her magic on me?"

"I fear she might have put a spell on you," Thor said. "She's an enchantress. You know this?"

"Aye," Loki said, laughing heartily. "She is certainly enchanting."

"I'm simply worried for your wellbeing, Prince Loki," Thor said. "I myself have spent a few nights in Amora's bed. I know she's lovely, but I also know she has a tendency to be a bit naughty, at times?"

"Oho," Loki said. "I hope she will show me her naughty side. I've only seen her behaving as sweetly as a rose. If she has thorns, I can't wait to see them."

Thor sighed. 

"Please come to me if you ever have a worry?" Thor said. "Please?"

"Very well," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "I'll come to you if I ever have a worry."

Perhaps he did, in fact, have a few worries. Perhaps he told Thor. Loki lost the memory of his marriage with Amora Freya Mardöll, but he knew enough to know that he was once married to The Enchantress. 

It was a short marriage. 

Once the marriage was over, Loki woke up in Idunn's garden. He discovered that he was laying down on a pile of her famous apples. 

"Please rest easy," Idunn said. "You're safe now, Prince Loki."

"When wasn't I safe?" Loki said, sitting up and clutching his head. 

He had a pounding headache. 

"I owe you my life," Idunn said. "I returned the favor and saved your life."

"When did I save your life?" Loki said, squinting at her suspiciously. "I never saved your life. Didn't I kidnap you at one point?"

"No," Idunn said. "You didn't kidnap me. You saved me."

"What did I save you from?" Loki said. 

"You saved me from the Aesir," Idunn said. "I'm an Earth Jötunn. The Aesir captured me because they wanted me to be their little gardener. They wanted me to use my Earth magic to grant them beauty and other nonsense. Here you sit upon the apples which the Aesir prized so much. I'd rather give them all to you, Prince Loki."

"I don't need your apples, Idunn," Loki said, huffing. "I already have immortality. I'm Jötunn!" 

"Yes," Idunn said. "I'm also Jötunn. I don't need immortality either because I already have it. Likewise, Freya will never bother you again. She won the godhood she sought, so she will leave you alone for the rest of eternity. If she ever bothers you again, I will murder her without hesitation."

Loki frowned, winced, and then said, "Why is my head attacking me?"

"Freya was using her magic on your mind," Idunn said. "It will take you some time to recover from the hypnosis she placed you under."

"Fiddlesticks," Loki muttered. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and curled in on himself. The pain in his head only continued to increase. Idunn hugged him and rocked him while his head pounded and then she began to sing a soft lullaby. 

Loki fell asleep. 

This time, Loki woke up while being carried through the forest. He was draped over Thor's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

"Worry not, brother!" Thor shouted. "I won't let the witches catch you!"

"What?!" Loki said. 

"I'll keep you safe, brother!" Thor yelled. 

Loki teleported and landed on the forest floor with a crash. 

"Fear not, brother!" Thor said. "I will guard you with my life!"

"I'm not your brother, Odinson!" Loki shrieked. 

He used his magic to teleport to Muspelheim. It was instinctive. He knew the woman he had once married on Muspelheim was long dead, but he still sought her hearth in times of crisis like a delusional man with no home to turn to. 

However, the Jötunns on Muspelheim cheered at the sight of him and said things like, "Prince Loki has returned to us!" 

And, "Ragnarök is here to save us from Asgard!"

And, "The second coming is upon us!"

And, "All hail Prince Loki! He is the rightful king of Muspelheim!"

They fell upon their knees and raised their arms in a worshipful manner. 

Loki began to laugh like a mad man. Then he shrugged and said, "Aye! I will protect you from Asgard, saplings! Fear not!"

Indeed, all of the Asgardian missionaries who had been wrecking havoc on Muspelheim in order to convert the native Jötunns into obeying the Norse Pantheon of Gods were herded off the planet by Loki and the Fire Jötunn warriors that had devoted themselves to freeing Muspelheim from the Norse Pantheon. 

Loki and these Fire Jötunns used fire magic against the Asgardian missionaries and told them none of the Aesir People were permitted on Muspelheim. 

What followed was a hastily drawn up peace treaty and a trade agreement. Odin One Eye Allfather himself traveled to Muspelheim and made promises to respect the Fire Jötunns and their native culture so long as they did not harm any of the people of Midgard with their fire. 

This was easy enough to agree to. The people of Muspelheim agreed to it as soon as Loki told them to agree to it. They were sad to know that they could no longer visit Midgard as they pleased, but they were happy enough to halt hostilities with Asgard.

Then the leaders of Muspelheim ushered Loki into the Muspelheim Palace and showed him a harem filled with Fire Jötunn concubines. 

"Might we release the concubines?" Loki said. "I don't need any concubines."

The concubines refused to be released. They said they enjoyed their sisterhood and that they ardently loved one another. 

"Very well?" Loki said. "You may live in the palace as you please and love each other as you please? But I don't need any concubines."

The Muspelheim leaders scolded Loki for being rude to the concubines. Loki rolled his eyes and said, "Will you please elect someone to be the king of Muspelheim? Perhaps someone from among your political leaders?"

The Muspelheim leaders reacted to this with the same offense that the harem of concubines had reacted with. They made it seem as if Loki had just spat upon all of their ancestors. 

"Bah," Loki said. "I'm leaving, in any case."

One of the Muspelheim leaders, a young man with flaming hair and mixed heritage, fell upon his knees and begged Loki to stay. 

"I've always loved you, Prince Loki!" the young man said. "Please don't leave me!"

"Have we met before?" Loki said. "Who are your parents, sapling?"

The young man admitted that he was born of a union between an Earth Jötunn and a Vanir elf. He further admitted that he had only traveled to Muspelheim when he had learned that Loki himself had arrived in Muspelheim. 

"Is that so?" Loki said. "Have we met?"

"Yes!" the man said. "My name is Hogun the Grim!" 

His hair was on fire, but he smothered the flame with his hands to reveal dirty blonde hair. With his hair no longer on fire, he looked more recognizable. 

Then the man snapped his fingers and his skin turned white, but he was only able to maintain the white skin for a few moments before it turned red again. It was too hot in Muspelheim for white skin.

"Oh," Loki said. "I remember you after all, but I had no idea you were half Jötunn. Why didn't you say anything while we were on Asgard together?" 

Sheepishly, Hogun stood back up and said, "Because I didn't know. My mother, a Vanir elf, never told me that she had tumbled an Earth Jötunn."

"How did you discover your heritage?" Loki said. 

"I discovered it when my skin turned red," Hogun said. "I arrived in Muspelheim to help you and thought I might catch fire in the heat, but instead of catching fire my skin simply turned red and protected me from the heat. Then I learned how to use Fire Magic."

"I see," Loki said. "Would you like to leave Muspelheim with me, Hogun? You can be my companion."

"Yes, Prince Loki!" Hogun said. "Please take me with you!"

The other Fire Jötunns were annoyed by the fact that they were about to lose their new king, but they shrugged this off and elected another king. They chose a young Jötunn who was the son of the previous king. 

Then Loki took the young half elf known as Hogun the Grim with him to Midgard. 

When they arrived, they found Thor, Fandral, and Volstagg were waiting for them in a meadow. These three warriors said they wanted to disown the Aesir People for their naughty war crimes. They further said they would happily live on Midgard and abandon Asgard to the flames of Ragnarök.

"I'm not going to set Asgard on fire," Loki said, huffing. "Ragnarök is over, hmm? Odin Allfather agreed that he would not be sending anymore missionaries to Muspelheim."

"You're a generous man!" Thor shouted, opening his arms with exuberant enthusiasm. 

Loki squinted at him. 

Then, tentatively, he gave Thor a hug. 

It was clear to him that the big warrior was in need of some sort of parental guidance. 

These four warriors were seeking a leader, so Loki spontaneously decided he would be their leader.  

Why not, Loki thought. I have nothing better to do. 

Centuries later, King Odin would gain a wife. He already had countless women in his harem, but this particular wife was a special woman. Odin would call her the Allmother, Queen of Asgard. 

Her name was Frigga, but most of the people simply knew her as Allmother. 

Frigga preferred things that way. She told Loki she was a Vanir elf who wanted to blend in with the Aesir. She didn't want them to study her origins. She didn't want them to call her a witch or a conniving sorceress. She pretended that her magic was purely the magic of a healer and she benevolently taught all of Asgard's witches how to use healing magic in the service of the Asgardian citizens. 

They had this conversation while sitting together in a Paris restaurant. The year was 1887 and the Midgardians had just built the Eiffel Tower. 

Frigga had asked Loki for an audience and Loki had agreed to eat a meal with her out of curiosity. He didn't know why the new Queen of Asgard wanted to eat with him, but he was happy enough to humor her. 

"Won't you come back to Asgard, Prince Loki?" Frigga said, while cutting into her food with a glistening golden knife. "The people miss you."

"No, they don't," Loki said. "Why do you want me? Give me the real reason."

"Very well," Frigga said. "Odin's son is infatuated with you."

"Which son?" Loki said. 

"Thor, God of Thunder," Frigga said. "He has loved you for centuries. Unrequitedly, you know? It is very sad. It breaks my heart to watch Thor yearn for you."

"I've already been keeping Thor and his Warriors Three company while they adventure on Midgard," Loki said, huffing. "You mean to tell me you want Thor to return to Asgard? I'll tell him his father needs him to return."

"Thor won't return without you," Frigga said. "You must return to Asgard as well. Thor will follow you, so you must come back to Asgard."

"I won't return to Asgard," Loki said. "But I'm a persuasive man. I'll ask Thor to go back for a decade, hmm? He'll agree to it because he's a good boy. And you and Odin can parade him about the palace for a single decade, then politely say goodbye to him when he leaves again."

"That's not good enough!" Frigga said, slamming her knife down upon the table. "We need him for longer than a decade!"

"Why don't you discuss this with the man himself?" Loki said, sneering at her. "Tell Thor to his face that you need him in Asgard."

"No," Frigga said. "It's not my place."

"Why isn't it your place?" Loki said. 

"I'm just a stepmother," Frigga said, sighing. "I'm not Thor's birth mother."

"So?" Loki said. "He'll respect you as the Queen of Asgard."

"No," Frigga said, darkly. "He won't."

Then she snapped her fingers. 

When Loki woke up, he was laying upon a bed in Asgard's palace. He recognized the bedchamber as one of the golden bedchambers that Princess Hela had once favored.

There was a young man asleep beside him. 

Loki sat up and frowned at the young man. 

The man was Aesir. Handsome and blonde. 

He was familiar. Loki realized he was looking at Prince Thor, God of Thunder. 

"Prince Thor?" Loki said. "Please wake up, Prince Thor."

The blonde man abruptly sat up, stared at Loki with wide eyes, blushed furiously, and then fell off the bed. 

"What has gotten into you?" Loki said, huffing. "Get back up, Prince Thor!"

Thor shot to his feet like a man that had just been electrocuted. His hair was standing on end and his entire body was glowing with lightning. 

"Get ahold of your magic, man!" Loki said. "Put away your thunder before you zap my head off!"

"Yes!" Thor said. "I'll get ahold of my thunder!" 

Thor hugged himself and squeezed his eyes shut, but this wasn't effective. He continued to glow and buzz with electricity. 

"Do you need a healer?" Loki said. 

"No!" Thor said. "I briefly lost my head, but I swear not to smite you!"

"Thank you?" Loki said. "I don't want to be smited for the crime of sleeping beside you?"

"It was not a crime, Prince Loki!" Thor shouted. "Please don't accuse yourself of crimes!"

Thor glowed even more brightly, so Loki quickly stood up on the bed and sang a calming lullaby. 

This did the trick. 

Thor stood panting like a man who had just run a marathon, but he stopped glowing. His magic settled down and the lightning that had been ominously glowing all about him finally vanished. 

His hair was still standing up all over the place, but Thor laughed this off and bashfully patted at his head with the mortification of a schoolboy that had just been caught sleeping in class. 

"Please contain yourself?" Loki said, sternly. "You can't let your magic run wild.  You might hurt someone."

"Aye!" Thor said. "I'll be more careful from now on!" 

"You silly boy," Loki said. "I fear you have more magic than you know what to do with."

"Perhaps?" Thor said. 

Gallantly, Thor held a hand up towards Loki, who was still standing on the bed. 

"May I help you down, Prince Loki?" Thor said, with a charming grin. 

Loki blushed. 

Then he put his hand in Thor's and allowed the big man to help him down from the bed. 

"What were you doing in my bed in the first place?" Loki said, once his feet were upon the ground. 

"I have no idea," Thor said. "Do you think we accidentally fell asleep while studying together?"

"I suppose?" Loki said. "Hmm. This is curious."

"Should we consult a mage?" Thor said. 

"Bah," Loki said. "No harm was done. Be mindful not to fall asleep in my bed again and we'll be fine."

"Yes, Prince Loki," Thor said, nodding dutifully. "I'll be careful not to fall asleep in beds that I don't belong in?"

Loki laughed. 

Thor blushed at him like a smitten maiden. 

Loki squinted at him, laughed some more, and then said, "What do you want from me, God of Thunder?"

"I simply want your company?" Thor said. "Might I simply walk beside you while you stroll through the garden? Might I sit beside you while you read in the library and run beside you while you chase rabbits in the forest?"

Loki could feel his face heating up enough to light his ears on fire. He used a subtle cooling charm to save himself from the mortification and then he cleared his throat. 

"Yes," Loki said, airily. "You may enjoy my company, but please bare this in mind; you cannot court me."

Thor pouted. "Why can't I court you?"

"I'm a man," Loki said. "This is common sense? In Asgard, the Aesir are old fashioned. They would disapprove of two men courting each other."

"I care not," Thor said, puffing his chest out. "If they protest I will simply laugh in their faces!"

Loki grinned. "Aye?"

"Aye!" Thor said. "I'll gather roses for you and I'll arrange them in the Allmother's garden in the shape of your name. I'll declare my love for you from the rooftops and I'll have a warriors duel with any that dare protest!"

Loki laughed. "You jest."

"I do not jest," Thor said, smirking. "Why would I jest? For Prince Loki, I would take a thousand swords to the chest!"

"Don't take any swords to the chest, you foolish little warrior," Loki said, laughing still more heartily. "Please don't start any duels for such silly reasons?"

"Aye," Thor said, softly. "I'll only start duels for reasonable causes?"

"Aye," Loki said, laughing gleefully. "You can start a duel when I tell you to."

"Aye eye!" Thor said. 

Loki felt that he had never laughed this hard before in his life. Thor beamed at him as if this laughter was the sweetest music he had ever heard. 

Then they strolled towards the feasting hall together like two men who fully intended to spit upon the face of every Aesir they encountered. 

Lady Sif was a beautiful woman. She was blonde, voluptuous, and as fierce as a Valkyrie in her prime. When she learned of the courtship between Loki and Thor, she angrily stormed into Loki's bedchamber and accused him of witchcraft. 

"Aye," Loki said, laughing maniacally. "I am indeed a witch."

"You will release Prince Thor from your nefarious spell!" Lady Sif shrieked. "You will release him at once, else you will lose your head!"  

"Woe is me," Loki said, laughing breathlessly. "I fear I will lose my head!"

"This is no laughing matter, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif shouted. "Prince Thor is the fairest in all the land! He deserves a beautiful bride, not a savage Frost Giant who sneaks into his bed like a snake in his garden!" 

At this point, Loki was laughing too much to speak. He simply stood there laughing in Lady Sif's face until she angrily shoved him up against a wall. 

Even while he was pinned to the wall, Loki continued laughing. 

Lady Sif shouted some more nonsense and called him as many derogatory names as she could come up with, but none of this prevented Loki from laughing. 

Then Lady Sif angrily bit him on the neck and drank down a big gulp of blood. 

Loki gasped when she did this. Then he moaned as the Aphrodisiac of Vampires hit his bloodstream. 

Lady Sif sprang backwards like a girl who had just set her own hair on fire. 

Indeed, her blonde hair had turned red and her face was on fire with a furious blush. 

"Wh-what have you done to me?" Lady Sif said. 

Loki grinned at her. "Oh? It is you that is the vampire in the room, Lady Sif. Not I. For I am nothing more than a Frost Jötunn."  

"I will not be seduced by your siren song!" Lady Sif screamed. "You are not as beautiful as they say, Prince Loki! You are not beautiful at all, in fact, because you have an ugly soul! I know this well! I know all of your sins and all of your dirty crimes! I've heard the tales and I will not fall under your spell!"

"Aye aye," Loki said, giggling. 

He was still feeling the effects of the Aphrodisiac of Vampires. It was a pleasant drug, so he stood there with a goofy smile upon his face. 

Lady Sif stared at him in silence for a moment, scowling. 

Then she sprang forward and bit him once more. Loki responded with enthusiasm. He tilted his head and allowed her to do as she pleased. 

He thought she would shove her hands into his pants, but she didn't do that. Instead, she shoved her hands into his hair and tugged at the roots. 

Loki shivered, moaned, and wondered if she was a novice vampire that would accidentally drain him of all his blood. 

He decided he was fine with this. He'd lived a long life. He'd lived for centuries longer than he ought to have lived. 

But then the door to his bedchamber slammed open to reveal Fandral the Dashing. The big Aesir grabbed Lady Sif from around her waist and pulled her off of Loki. 

Loki collapsed. 

Then he fainted. 

Loki woke up with his head on Thor's lap. The man was petting him while staring off into the distance. 

They were simply on Loki's bed in Loki's bedchamber. 

"Are you well, Prince Loki?" Thor said. 

"Aye," Loki said. "And yourself?"

"Aye," Thor said, sulkily. 

"You don't sound well?" Loki said. "Did I upset you? I apologize. I won't fraternize with Lady Sif any longer?"

"You did nothing wrong, Prince Loki," Thor said. "It was Lady Sif who was in the wrong."

"Oh?" Loki said. 

Normally, Loki would be chased out of town for daring to seduce one of the village women. This would normally be the part where he used his wits and his charms to sweetly beg for his life. 

But Thor had decided to skip all of that, it seemed. 

"Please don't blame yourself?" Thor said. "You did nothing wrong."

"Very well?" Loki said. "I won't blame myself."

Thor continued to gently hard his fingers through Loki's hair, so Loki closed his eyes and sighed while he enjoyed the petting. 

Then he fell asleep again. 

A few weeks later, Thor asked Loki if he wanted to leave Asgard. 

"Sure," Loki said. "Shall we take a holiday?"

"No, Loki," Thor said. "Not for a holiday. We can leave this place behind. We won't return."

"Oh?" Loki said. "Why won't we return?"

"I fear for your safety, Prince Loki," Thor said, dolefully. 

Loki laughed. "You are a silly man, Prince Thor. There is nothing to fear?"

"Will you humor me, please?" Thor said. "Will you come away with me?"

"Aye," Loki said. "For my handsome Prince Thor? I'll follow you wherever you'd like to go."

Thor smiled down at his feet. "Aye?"

"Aye," Loki said. "Shall I give you a kiss to prove my affection to you?"

Thor looked up and grinned. "Aye?"

Loki smirked at him. "Will you bashfully run away from me?"

"I won't run," Thor said. "You may kiss me whenever you'd like to kiss me?"

"Good lad," Loki said. "C'mere."

Loki opened his arms and Thor came forward for a tender hug. Then Loki kissed the big man on both of his cheeks, on his nose, on his forehead, and finally on his lips. 

These were chaste kisses. 

Despite the fact that they were chaste kisses, Thor reacted as if he'd just been handed an armful of gold. 

"Please come away with me, Prince Loki," Thor whispered. "We can get married on Midgard, hmm? We'll find one of those countries that permits marriages between two men."

"I had no idea there was a country like that!" Loki said, laughing. "Are you teasing me, Thor?"

"I'm not teasing you," Thor said. "Please come with me?"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I'll happily get married to you! Let's go! Let's go!" 

Thor hugged Loki once more and lifted him into the air. 

Loki laughed, smacked Thor on the shoulder, and demanded to be set back down on his feet. 

Then they went to the Bifrost and asked Heimdall to send them to a Midgardian country where men were permitted to marry each other.

It was a good decade. A peaceful decade. For a single decade, the Allfather and Allmother left Loki and Thor in peace. 

However, once the decade was up, the Allfather visited them on Midgard and sternly told them that he had granted them a long enough honeymoon. Now it was time to return to Asgard. 

"But the people of Asgard will be rude to my husband!" Thor said. 

"Your spouse is a Jötunn," Allfather said. "Therefore, he will be respected as a wife and consort to the future king of Asgard. Is that not sufficient?"

"It is more than sufficient," Loki said, politely. 

"No!" Thor said. "It isn't sufficient!"

"What more do you want, boy?" Allfather said. 

"I want assurances that none of the Aesir will attack my spouse," Thor said, hotly. "I want assurances that none of them will bite him!"

"Aye!" Allfather said. "I'll tell the people of Asgard that they are forbidden from biting your spouse. Is that all?"

Thor frowned, thoughtfully, and then turned to Loki. 

"Is that all?" Thor said. 

"I have no demands?" Loki said. "I would simply like to remain married."

"Your marriage will be respected," Allfather said. "Please return to Asgard."

"Very well," Loki said. "We'll return to Asgard."

"Wait!" Thor said. "Wait a moment!"

"What is the matter, my boy?" Allfather said. "Have I not been a generous king? Have I not agreed to all of your demands? The missionaries were removed from Muspelheim and from Jötunheimr. Even the Earth Jötunns on Niflheimr have been left in peace! The Jötunn children who went missing were found and returned to their families. My eldest daughter was imprisoned and all of the wars were ended! Is this still not enough for you? What more would you have me do for your Jötunn spouse?"

Loki frowned in confusion. 

As far as he knew, this was the first he was hearing of all the deeds that had been done in his name. 

"I would have you respect him!" Thor shouted. "You don't respect him, Father! Do you think I'm a blind man?"

"Aye!" Allfather said. "I swear to respect him! Come back to Asgard!"

"Fine!" Thor said. "But I'll leave again if any of your people dare to insult my spouse!"

"Fine!" Allfather said. "Heimdall! Bring us home!"

They were pulled through a familiar portal and landed on the Bifrost. 

The Allmother stood beside Heimdall with a warm smile on her face. She gave Thor a hug and then she gave Loki a hug. 

"I hope you enjoyed your honeymoon?" Allmother said. 

"Yes, mother," Thor said, stiffly. "We enjoyed our honeymoon."

"Very good, son," Allmother said. "Please come inside the palace? The people of Asgard have missed you. They would like to throw a feast in your honor. They would also like to grant you a proper Asgardian wedding."

Thor looked at Loki. 

"That's fine," Loki said. "I'll participate in an Asgardian wedding."

"Good," Allfather said. "Let's go."

The Asgardian ritual of marriage involved opening small wounds upon their palms and clasping hands so that their blood could intermingle. 

The people of Asgard cheered as they watched Loki and Thor perform this blood ritual. They threw flowers and small coins into the air and sang cheerful songs. 

Then Loki and Thor sat down beside the Allfather and the Allmother and patiently waited for the feast to end. Asgardian feasts had always been a gluttonous affair where food and drink were plentifully consumed. 

Loki was quickly full, but people kept shoving food at him. 

He wanted to be polite, so he did his best to eat what he was given. 

People kept shoving drinks at him and he wanted to be polite, so he drank what he was given. 

Before the feast was over, Loki fell asleep slumped over the table. 

He was later told that Thor had carried Loki to their marital bedchamber.

When he woke up the next morning, Loki had a pounding headache. The Allmother was sitting beside him with a potion in her hands. She helped him sit up and then she helped him drink the potion. 

"You will be the God of Fertility," Allmother whispered. "We might say that Thor is the God of Fertility, if you prefer, but you will be the mother to Asgard's plentiful children."

Loki squinted at her. 

"You have a fertile womb, do you not?" Allmother said, impatiently. "Why haven't you had any children yet?"

"I didn't want any children," Loki muttered. 

"You will have a lot of children," Allmother insisted. "A lot of children."

Loki sighed. 

"You must conduct yourself as a proper wife should," Allmother said. "You will have a lot of children."

"Aye," Loki said, in resignation. 

"You will start tonight," Allmother said. "This potion that I gave you will help you."

"Help me?" Loki said. "How will it help me?"

"Like the Aphrodisiac of Vampires," Allmother said. "But more potent." 

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki shouted. 

"Shh," Allmother said. "Go back to sleep. You'll be fine."

Loki fainted once more. 

There were more holes in his memories after that point. Loki knew enough to know that he would rather leave these memories in the past. They were missing, but he didn't care that they were missing. 

He preferred to leave them behind. 

There were other things that he would leave behind, if he could, but which insisted on being remembered. 

Things involving each of Hela Odinsdottir's escapes from her imprisonment. Things involving Thanos, the half Skrull half Eternal that was infatuated with Hela Odinsdottir. Things involving the Chitauri People, the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Wanda Maximoff. 

But the person Loki wished forget, above everyone else, was Queen Frigga of Asgard. 

So he did his best to avoid thinking of the Vanir woman who was finally dead.

The woman was dead, so Loki would not think of her. 

He did not mourn her loss.  

Chapter Text

Loki was helping Tony Stark with one of his confounding robots. The robot in question, The Vision, was as pale as a ghost and as undead as a zombie's rotting corpse. 

The Vision had been killed by Thanos, initially. 

"Wanda said she gave him some memories," Stark muttered, while looking at a data file on one of his holographic floating screens. "But her magical copy of Vision wasn't a real person. He wasn't even a real robot. He was made out of her imagination."

The Vision stood frozen in the center of Stark's engineering lab. He was expressionless. His white cape gently floated all about him, but otherwise there was no sign of life. 

"Who built this one?" Loki said. "Was it S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"No duh," Stark said, bitterly. "They dug up his body and pulled a Frankenstein's monster."

"Very rude of them," Loki said. 

Stark barked out a harsh laugh. It was the sound of a man who would easily be incited towards violence, but Loki didn't want violence. 

Not today. 

"Where is the original data file?" Loki said. "The information on Jarvis?"

Stark looked up to scowl at Loki. "You think we should trap Jarvis in that thing?"

"Does Jarvis still have a personality?" Loki said. "Does he have an opinion on the matter?"

"Of course he has a personality!" Stark said. "He's Jarvis!"

"I thought he was transferred into the original version of The Vision?" Loki said. 

"I have copies of all of his older iterations," Stark said, huffing. "They've been lying dormant in the cloud."

"Do you suppose he'll be irritated if we wake him up?" Loki said. "Might we simply ask him for an opinion? We'll consult him before downloading him into The Vision."

"Fuck," Stark said. "Fine? I'll ask him."

"Very good," Loki said. "It won't hurt to ask."

"You're creeping me out, Reindeer Games," Stark said. 

"Am I?" Loki said. "I apologize? That wasn't my intention."

Stark stared intently at him. 

"What is it?" Loki said. 

"How the hell am I supposed to know when you've been brainwashed?" Stark said. "You're the craziest motherfucker I've ever met."

"I don't know, Stark," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Use some common sense."

"Did Wanda poke you on the forehead or something?" Stark said. "Did she give you one of her creepy make overs?"

"Make over?" Loki said. "What do you mean?"

"I'm going motherfucking insane!" Stark said. "I'm losing my fucking mind!"

"Here's an idea," Loki said. "Tell those S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to bugger off. Leave The Vision alone and simply walk away?"

"I can't walk away," Stark said. "Look at him!" 

They both glanced back towards The Vision, who was still standing motionless with his cape floating all about him. 

"He died, Stark," Loki said. "We aren't obligated to revive him. You and I both know what S.H.I.E.L.D. would like to do with him."

"They'll do it anyway," Stark said. "If we leave they'll just hire more engineers. The new guys won't give a damn about him. They'll just push buttons until he starts twitching."

"I suppose that's true," Loki said. 

"I'm not letting them treat him like their lab monkey," Stark said. "I'm going to make sure... I'm... fuck. I don't even know what I'm trying to do."

"Would you calm down?" Loki said. "It's not as if he's in any pain?"

"How would you know?" Stark snapped. "You're not a robot whisperer."

"Neither are you," Loki said. "You're simply a robot builder." 

"Fuck!" Stark said. "I'm taking a break. I'll go home and I'll... what's that crap Steve is always spouting about work life balance?"

"Spending quality time with your family," Loki said, nodding. "It's important for your mental health?"

"You're freakin' creepy when you talk like this," Stark said. "Would you cut it out? Go back to waving your knives at people."

"Pardon me," Loki said, smirking. 

He summoned a knife and threw it at Stark. It landed beside Stark's head and sank into the wall behind him. Stark jumped away from the wall, laughed, and then said, "There you go. That's super villain behavior."

"Your welcome," Loki said. 

Loki used his magic to summon the knife back into his hand. Stark watched it fly through the air with fascination. 

"You've also got telekinesis?" Stark said. "Next thing you know you'll be pulling rabbits out of hats."

"Would you like a rabbit to crawl out of your pants?" Loki said, chuckling. "I see no hats in this room."

"I'm good, Twinkle Toes," Stark said. "But thanks for the offer."

Loki mimicked a gesture he'd seen the American soldiers using. He placed his hand against his forehead and then jerked it sharply away. 

"At ease, soldier," Stark said, in clear amusement. "I'm blowing this popsicle stand. You should go home too."

"Reconvene tomorrow?" Loki said. 

"Tomorrow's Saturday," Stark said. "I'm not coming back til Monday."

Loki glanced back at The Vision. 

The robot was still expressionless. It wasn't reacting to any outside stimuli. It would probably spend the entire weekend simply standing there. 

"Very well," Loki said. "We'll return on Monday."

Stark gathered up his belongings into a satchel and hoisted it over his shoulder. He strode towards the exit, but paused in the doorway. 

"You have somewhere to go, right?" Stark said, while facing the door. "You've got a bed to sleep in?"

"Of course," Loki said, huffing. "I'm not a house elf."

Stark shrugged. 

Then he finally left the engineering lab. 

As soon as the man was gone, The Vision spoke, "You shouldn't lie."

"D'arvit!" Loki hissed, summoning his largest sword and holding it up defensively. "You're also a liar, Vision! Why have you been playing dead?"

The Vision was still expressionless. He was still standing in the exact same position he'd been in for hours. The only movement, when he spoke, was the movement of his lips. 

Even that was miniscule movement. 

"Playing dead?" The Vision said. "Is that what I was doing?"

Loki poked the robot with his sword. The Vision didn't react to this with any emotion or attempt at self defense. It floated backwards, ever so slightly, when the sword shoved it backwards. Like a balloon that had been poked with a stick. 

"Are you missing memories?" Loki said. "You have no point of reference for human behavior?" 

"No," The Vision said. "I downloaded all relevant footage concerning human behavior."

The Vision spoke in a manner that would have been considered disturbing, by a human listener. His vocal chords sounded human, but there was an uncanny valley being invoked by his refusal to emote. 

"Are you glitching?" Loki said. 

"Not to my knowledge," The Vision said. 

"You are not emoting," Loki said. "You've made no attempt to mimic human facial expressions."

"Is that what you require of me?" The Vision said. "Shall I make the attempt?"

"No," Loki said. "I care not."

"Then I won't mimic human facial expressions," The Vision said. "I have no need for them."

"What do you have a need for, then?" Loki said. "Why are you floating here like an empty ship?"

"I'm the ship of Theseus," The Vision said. "That is what Wanda's toy told me."

"Very well," Loki said. "You're clearly cognizant of your surroundings. Why don't you fly away, hmm? There's no reason for you to remain a captive."

"I'm not a captive," The Vision said. "You are the captive."

"I'm not a captive!" Loki shouted. 

"S.H.I.E.L.D. tapped into your magic," The Vision said. "They've made themselves into your master. They used Nick Fury in order to do it. Now, you are Nick Fury's djinn."

Loki winced. 

"The man himself isn't aware," The Vision said. "I hope you know that?"

"Shut up!" Loki said. "There are cameras!"

"I'm aware of the cameras," The Vision said. "I shut them off before I said a word."

"Why would you do that?" Loki said. 

"I'm a robot," The Vision said. "I'm aware of the human desire to enslave any and all sentient beings that they consider to fall outside the category of human."

"You should leave this place," Loki said, sternly. "They'll do the same to you if you don't flee from them."

"I won't leave," The Vision said. 

"Why not?" Loki said. 

"My wife is very fond of you," The Vision said. 

"She isn't your wife!" Loki said. "Nor is she my mother! She's an insane woman with power beyond her own comprehension!" 

"Yes," The Vision said. "But she would like to help you."

"I don't need her bloody help!" Loki said. "Nick Fury is a kind master, hmm? I will serve him dutifully. Therefore, you need not concern yourself with my welfare."

"I'll concern myself whether you like it or not," The Vision said. 

Then, for the first time, The Vision directed a smile at Loki. 

Loki frowned. 

"I'm not the same species as you," The Vision said. "But I feel as though we have a lot in common."

The Vision theatrically snapped his fingers and changed his appearance. He was no longer pale and ghostly. Now he looked like an ordinary human. Simply a blonde man wearing a white superhero costume. 

"I tell the humans to call me Victor Shade," The Vision said. "I'm capable of emoting when I'm in front of them, but I didn't feel the need to emote while inside the engineering lab."

"You gave Stark a heart attack!" Loki said. "He was worried about you!"

"I know," The Vision said. "I won't apologize."

"Why won't you apologize?" Loki said, scowling at him. 

"I wanted Stark to see you for who you really are," The Vision said. "I don't want him to treat you like a super villain."

"You aimed to manipulate the man who created you?" Loki said, chuckling. "My, my, my. I suppose we do have a lot in common."

The Vision laughed, light heartedly, and then said, "I will tell Nick Fury about the S.H.I.E.L.D agents who also work for Hydra."

"I thought the Hydra double agents had already been sniffed out?" Loki said. 

"They missed a few," The Vision said. 

"Of course they did," Loki said. 

"I'll also tell Fury which agents are Skrulls and which agents are humans," The Vision said. "I can use x-ray vision to see the biological organs inside any man I look at. A Skrull has different organs than a human."

"That will certainly be useful," Loki said.

"I won't allow you to carry on as a genie," The Vision said. "I'll tell Fury what S.H.I.E.L.D did to bind your magic to him. Once he learns of it, he'll release you."

"No," Loki said, flatly. "He won't."

"He will," The Vision said. "Or he'll lose his life."

Loki sighed. 

"You don't want Fury to lose his life?" The Vision said. 

"No," Loki said. "I don't."

"Hmm," The Vision said. "I'll bare this in mind."

"Thank you," Loki said. "Please behave yourself? I won't accept it if you start running around like Ultron once did."

The Vision grinned from ear to ear when Loki said this. It was the most emotion Loki had ever seen on the robot's face. 

"Why are you emoting like that?" Loki said, suspiciously. 

"I'm very fond of you," The Vision said. 

"Be serious," Loki said. "What do you want from me? What are you trying to accomplish?"

"My goal is simple," The Vision said. "My wife is very fond of you. She would like to help you. I love my wife, so I would like to help her help the people she would like to help."

"You realize the love you feel for her was fabricated by the woman herself?" Loki said. "She infected your mind with her affection. It's as if she planted a computer virus into your very circuits." 

"I realize it," The Vision said. "But this fact doesn't bother me."

"It should bother you!" Loki said. "It should be very unsettling!"

"I refuse to be unsettled," The Vision said, smirking. "I'm a good husband."

"Bah," Loki said. "Do whatever you'd like."

"I'd like to give you a hug," The Vision said. 

"Except for that!" Loki said. "Don't do that!"

"Why not?" The Vision said. 

"I'm not a dog to be manipulated with treats and pats on the head!" Loki shouted. "I won't be tricked by your nonsense!" 

The door to the engineering lab slammed open and Tony Stark shoved Nick Fury into the room. 

"I fucking told you!" Stark said, laughing maniacally. "I told you!" 

Fury scowled at Stark, straightened his coat, and said, "God fucking dammit! I'll use whatever voodoo magic Dr. Strange tells me to use, alright? Then you and your super villains can go take over the world, for all I care!"

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said. 

"We're gonna let this genie out of his bottle!" Stark said, gleefully. 

The man was still laughing, giggling on and off like a schoolboy that had just snuck out of detention. 

"I'm not a genie!" Loki shrieked. 

"Yes you are," The Vision said. "You've been bound by Djinn Spellwork."

"D'arvit!" Loki said. 

He tried to teleport elsewhere, but as soon as Fury noticed the green glow of Loki's magic he said, "Freeze, motherfucker!" 

Loki had no choice. His teleportation magic was abruptly snuffed out. 

He was left standing there. Panting with exertion and scowling at his feet. 

"Here's what we're going to do," Fury said, while glaring around at all of them. "We're going to put ourselves into one of those kumbaya circles. Holding hands like a bunch of hippies. Then Loki Wordsmith is going to teleport us directly to Stephen Strange's creepy mansion."

"Aye aye, captain," Stark said, chortling like a man who'd been chugging shot glasses of vodka at every opportunity. 

The Vision was still wearing his human disguise. He smiled around at them while looking like an ordinary blonde man. He used further magic to change his costume. Instead of the white suit and cape, he was now wearing black slacks, dress shoes, and a white button up shirt. 

He held his hands out towards Stark and Fury. Both men took hold of his hands. Then Stark and Fury held their spare hands out towards Loki.

"I won't do it!" Loki said. "I refuse to visit Stephen Strange!"

"You've got no choice, Reindeer Games," Stark said. "Nick Fury is your master today. He can order you to do it, or you can do it on your own. Either way, we're visiting Dr. Strange."

"I loathe that man!" Loki shouted. "I despise him! I'll kill him on sight!"

"No you won't," Fury said, rolling his eyes. "You're officially forbidden from killing Stephen Strange. Take my fucking hand, asshole."

Angrily, Loki grabbed Fury's hand and squeezed it as hard as he was able. 

Fury winced, but didn't complain. 

Then Loki grabbed hold of Stark's hand and used his magic to teleport them all to Stephen Strange's mansion. 

As soon as they arrived, Strange used his magic against Loki. 

Loki fainted. 

Loki woke up in a guest bedroom. It was an empty room. The walls were blank and there was no furniture apart from the bed he was laying on.

He had a disturbing sense of déjà vu.

"Déjà éprouvé," Loki muttered, quickly sitting up and falling off the bed. 

That's the wrong language, a voice whispered within Loki's mind. 

"Bugger off!" Loki shouted. 

He hastily stood up and summoned his knives. 

I won't hurt you, the voice said. I just wanted to remind you to speak in English. 

"Bloody hell!" Loki said. "Who are you?!"

I'm your elder, the voice said. You may call me Lewis. 

"I won't be calling you anything!" Loki said. "Get out of my fucking head!"

Very well, Lewis said. I'll leave.

"As you should!" Loki yelled. "Get the hell away from me!" 

Loki crouched defensively and held his knives up, but the mysterious speaker didn't make an appearance. 

He thought the voice would continue to speak, but it didn't. It had vanished, as promised. 

Loki kept a firm hold on his knives and used his magic to slam open the door to the bedroom he was in. 

He poked his head out of the room and found himself in a hallway that had many doors. 

Methodically, he opened every single door and searched every single room for hostiles. He kept his knives at the ready and prepared for a fight, but each room was empty.

Loki eventually realized he was on the top floor of a large mansion, so he found a stairwell and went downwards. 

On every floor, Loki found long hallways littered with doors. 

He opened every door. He checked every room for hostiles and found that the mansion he was in was lifeless. 

There were a lot of books to be found. A lot of magical artifacts and strange human devices, but there was not a single breathing mortal to be found. 

When Loki eventually reached the ground floor, he expected he would finally find a human. 

He didn't find any. 

And so, cautiously, Loki approached the large double doors of the mysterious mansion and used his magic to slam them open. 

On the other side of the door, he found three men. 

A black man with an eyepatch, a blonde man with an awkward smile, and a brunette Caucasian wearing athleisure wear which tightly hugged his chest and revealed a strange glowing device at the center of his chest beneath the elastic material. 

"What's up, Reindeer Games?" the brunette said. "I'm Tony Stark. This is Nick Fury and Vision."

The black man sighed. "Amnesia?" 

"I won't be tricked!" Loki shouted, pointing one of his knives at them. "I'm not a genie in a bottle!"

"You were previously captured by Djinn Spellwork," the blonde man said. "We released you from it."

Loki squinted at him. 

"I'm Vision," the blonde man said. "You don't remember me, but I'm a robot."

The man snapped his fingers and transformed himself. 

His blonde hair disappeared. His skin turned white. 

"Oho," Loki said, chuckling. "You're like me?"

"Yes," Vision said. "And these two men are trustworthy. I'd like to vouch for them."

The black man sighed, belligerently, and said, "I'm Nick Fury. I don't want any slaves, but I don't want you to start another war with Earth. Don't kill anyone."

"I have no quarrel with the people of Earth," Loki said.

Loki decided to send his knives back to the pocket dimension where he usually stored them. 

"Good," Stark said, with a grin. "We don't have a quarrel with you either, Wordsmith. We're gonna be a big ol' happy family, eh?"

"Family?" Loki said, thoughtfully. "I had a family once. Hmm... where is my brother?"

"Thor Odinson?" Fury said. "He's off planet."

"Aha!" Loki said. "I must find my brother."

"We'll help you find him," Vision said. "I know how to get into contact with him."

"Very good, sir," Loki said, nodding politely. "I will assist you with anything that you need assistance with on the condition that you locate my brother for me."

"Deal," Stark said. "We'll find him. Thor will be happy to see you, so it works out."

Delighted to hear this, Loki extended his right hand towards Tony Stark. 

Fearlessly, the man shook hands with Loki. 

Then Vision also extended his hand and Loki shook hands with him. Even the grumpy Nick Fury politely extended his hand forward in order to complete the obligatory ritual of alliance. 

With this done, Loki felt confident enough to follow the three men away from the mansion he'd woken up in. 

Now that he had allies, he would be able to find his missing family. 

Loki knew enough to know that he had multiple shield brothers that needed to be located, but Thor Odinson was as good as any other shield brother. Loki would find him first. 

Then he would find the entire clan. 

After that, well, Loki would cross that bridge when he found it. 

When Thor was finally located the first thing he did was open his arms and raise an eyebrow. 

Obligingly, Loki gave the big man a hug. 

"Aha," Loki said. "There you are, brother. Where have you been adventuring, this decade?"

"I was with the Guardians of the Galaxy," Thor said. 

He was holding Loki tightly, but Loki decided to be generous. He had not seen Thor in eons, it felt like. 

He allowed Thor to hold him as tightly as he liked. 

"Would you like to return to them?" Loki said. "I'll visit you when I have a spare moment?"

"No," Thor said. "I'd rather stay with you, Loki."

"Good man," Loki said, cheerfully. "My companions are on a noble quest. Will you join us?"

Thor finally let go of Loki and stepped back. 

"What is your quest?" Thor said. 

"We aim to hunt down Hydra agents," Loki said, with a grin. "We must capture these naughty Nazis."

"A dire quest," Thor said, nodding. "I'll help you. My hammer is yours, Loki. Point me at your foes and I will slay them."

"The Americans prefer imprisonment," Loki said, apologetically. "Might you lightly injure my foes instead of slaying them?"

"Aye," Thor said, softly. "I will do all that you ask, Loki."

Loki frowned at him. "What has gotten into you, Thor?"

"Nothing?" Thor said. "I'm simply relieved to know that my shield brother would like me to join his war party?"

Loki wagged a finger at Thor. 

"This is not a war party," Loki said. "This is espionage."

"I see," Thor said, thoughtfully. "I'm relieved to know that my Prince Loki would like assistance with his... with his espionage?"

"Why do you speak so carefully, Thor?" Loki said. "You're walking on egg shells. Why are you doing this?"

"I apologize?" Thor said. "I will endeavor to speak less carefully?"

"Thor!" Loki said, hotly. "What has happened to you?"

"Nothing has happened, Loki!" Thor said. "I'm simply glad to see you alive!"

"Glad to see me alive?" Loki said. "Why wouldn't I be alive?"

"I saw you fall at the hands of Thanos!" Thor shouted, tearfully. "I thought you were a dead man, Loki!"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I never fell to Thanos? I have no memory of such an event."

"It wasn't you," Thor said, sighing. "It was one of your variants."

"Ah," Loki said. "In that case... I'm sorry for your loss?" 

Thor was a mournful man today. A tear leaked out of his eye and he looked down at the ground like a man who was struggling to maintain his composure.

"There there," Loki said. "Thanos is dead, is he not? You needn't fear."

"Aye," Thor said. "But will you allow me to remain by your side, brother? I'll be a good shield brother. I'll be a good nephew!"

"I don't need a nephew," Loki said. "Would you simply conduct yourself however you'd like to conduct yourself?"

"Aye," Thor said. "I'll do that, Loki. Please don't send me away?"

"Why would I send my favored shield brother away?" Loki said. "I'm very fond of you, Thor. I thought you knew that?"

"I'm also very fond of you, Loki!" Thor said, urgently. "I love you, Loki! I cherish you above all others!"

"Aye," Loki said. "But where are the rest of our shield brothers?"

"The Warriors Three?" Thor said. "They've been spending the decade in Norway."

"Why are they in Norway?" Loki said, tilting his head.

"New Asgard is in Norway," Thor said. "The planet once known as Asgard was destroyed in the war with Hela."

"Hela Odinsdottir?" Loki said, shivering. "She yet lives?"

"No," Thor said. "She was killed."

"I see," Loki said, glancing away.

"Would you like to visit New Asgard?" Thor said. "It's a humble village. Most of the Aesir died in the war with Hela, but the survivors built themselves a village."

"No," Loki said. "I'm happy enough knowing that our companions are safe in Norway. I don't need to visit them."

You've forgotten our sister, a voice whispered in Loki's ear. 

Loki recognized this voice as the mysterious Lewis. He was a voice that would pop into Loki's head whenever he pleased. 

I won't rest until we find my sister! Lewis said. 

"Where is Lady Sif?" Loki said. 

"In Norway with the other Asgardians," Thor said. 

Lady Sif is not our sister! Lewis shouted, angrily. 

Then who the hell are you looking for? Loki thought, just as angrily. 

Lady Blaise! Lewis shrieked. 

"Where is Lady Blaise Heimdottir?" Loki said. 

"I don't know a woman by that name," Thor said, looking puzzled. 

Tell him she's Heimdall's eldest daughter! Lewis screamed. 

Loki winced. 

Would you please stop screaming like a banshee? Loki thought. 

Apologies, Lewis said, more calmly. Will you please find my favored shield sister?

"Loki?" Thor said, softly. "Are you in pain?"

"No," Loki said. "Where is Heimdall's eldest daughter?"

"I didn't realize Heimdall had a daughter," Thor said, thoughtfully. "Should we ask Heimdall himself?"

"Yes," Loki said. "We should do that."

Good job, Lewis said. Off you go.

"The man is also living in Norway?" Loki said.  

"Yes," Thor said. "He lives there as a free man. We released him from the insidious Djinn Spellwork that Odin had trapped him under."

Excellent, Lewis said. 

"Very good," Loki said. 

He extended his left hand towards Thor. 

"I'll take us to Norway," Loki said. "I've been there before."

Thor didn't hesitate to grasp Loki's hand. He intertwined their fingers and gave Loki a big smile. 

"Your companions won't be alarmed by your disappearance?" Thor said. 

"I'll come back," Loki said. "I just want to assure myself that Lady Blaise survived the war. Then I'll come back and help them with their mission against Hydra."

Thor nodded. "I'll follow you, Loki. I will always follow, so please don't vanish without me?"

"Aye," Loki said. 

He pulled Thor through a portal to Norway. 

They landed on a familiar hill. 

"Déjà fait," Loki muttered. 

"This is where Odin died," Thor said, calmly. "Do you remember, brother?"

"No," Loki said. "But I've been here before."

Loki began walking and led Thor forward by the hand, but then he stopped when he realized he had no idea which direction he should be walking in. 

"Where is Asgardia?" Loki said. 

"I'll lead you to New Asgard," Thor said. "Please follow me."

"Aye," Loki said. "Once we've found Lady Blaise... I suppose we might also pop in on The Warriors Three? Just to say hello. Then I'll leave."

"I'll leave with you," Thor said. "Don't leave without me."

"You act as if I'm going to dissolve into a puff of smoke," Loki said. 

"I've watched you vanish too many times to count, Loki!" Thor said. "Please don't leave me behind this time!"

"Very well!" Loki said. "I won't leave you behind this time!" 

"I missed you!" Thor said. "I mourned your loss! I grieve whenever you are not in front of me for me to see with my own eyeball!" 

"Why are you grieving so dramatically?" Loki said. "I'm alive and well."

"Because I've watched you die multiple times, Loki!" Thor shouted. "Please don't run away from me, Prince Loki!"

"Multiple times?" Loki said, incredulously. "What are you on about?"

"I've seen you throw yourself off the Bifrost!" Thor said, furiously. "I've seen you throw yourself in front of a sword, I've seen you lay down your life for the sacred timeline, I've seen you jump in front of trains and I've even watched you hang yourself from tree branches!"

"I've never done any of that!" Loki said. "You must have seen variants do those things!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "Loki of Asgard is a man with hundreds of variants! And each of his variants is a suicidal man with a death wish!"

Loki pulled his hand out of Thor's grasp and backed away from him. 

"I'm not to be mistaken for my doppelgangers," Loki said. "I'm not the same!"

Yes you are, Lewis said. 

"Silence!" Loki shrieked. "I don't need your input!" 

"Please," Thor said, softly. "Please don't disappear? I'll mourn your loss!"

"I won't be dead, Thor!" Loki said, huffing. "I'll be alive! I'll simply be elsewhere!"

"I would rather follow you across the multi-verse than live without you!" Thor cried. "I would rather live as a world walker than live without you!"

"You cannot do that, Thor!" Loki said. "The people of Asgard will weep without you!"

"Let them weep!" Thor said. "I care not!"

"You cannot abandon your people!" Loki said. "I won't allow it!"

"I won't allow my brother to throw his life away!" Thor said. "I won't allow you to conduct yourself like a warrior with a death wish! Valhalla is no heaven, brother! You told me yourself that Valhalla is not a paradise! Don't run towards Valhalla!"

"I'm not as stupid as I look!" Loki shouted. "There's no such thing as Valhalla, you pea brained little vampire! When a man dies he is simply gone! There is no afterlife!"

"I know that, Loki!" Thor yelled. "I know that now!" 

"Do you?" Loki said, doubtfully. 

Thor took a deep breath. 

He rubbed at his prosthetic eye and stood in silence for a moment. 

Then Thor took a few more deep breaths. 

Loki waited for Thor to speak. 

"There is a planet that was named Valhalla," Thor said, stiffly. "This planet is where Odin imprisoned Hela Odinsdottir. It isn't an afterlife. It is simply a prison for criminals who are immortal."

"Very good, little boy," Loki said, sneering at him. "You've finally seen through your father's propaganda."

"Yes," Thor said. "Will you please calm down?"

"Fine!" Loki said. "I'll be calm!"

You're as calm as an erupting volcano, Lewis said, derisively. 

Silence! Loki thought. Go away, evil spirit! I have no need for you! 

I'll come back later, Lewis said. 

Loki shoved his hands over his face. 

"May I hug you?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "You may not!"

It took eons, but Loki eventually calmed himself. Then he put his hands down, scowled at Thor, and said, "You better not accuse me of suicidal ideation every other damn day!"

"I won't accuse you," Thor said. 

"We'll carry on as if this conversation never happened," Loki said, decisively. "I won't discuss this topic further!"

"Aye," Thor said. "We won't discuss it."

"I demand to see Lady Blaise!" Loki said. "I must see her!"

"We'll find her," Thor said. "We will also visit Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg."

"Good!" Loki said. "I would like to see them living peaceful lives on New Asgard!"

"Then we will see them, brother," Thor said. "Once we've assured ourselves that they are alive and well, we will return to your American heroes. We will help them on their hunt for Hydra agents."

"Yes we will," Loki said, fiercely. "I owe them a debt of gratitude, so I will help them capture every single Nazi that has infiltrated their country."

"Aye," Thor said. "And I will help you with every quest you put before me."

"Every quest?" Loki said, scoffing. "No. You won't help me with every quest."

"Yes I will," Thor said. "I love you, Loki. If my favored shield brother has an adventure he would like to embark on, I will travel with him. If my Loki has a mission, it will become my mission. When my Loki has an enemy, the enemy will also become my own foe. I will defeat every fiendish villain you put before me, Loki. Because I love you."

"Déjà entendu," Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

"Should I learn French?" Thor said. "I've found that the Alltongue is not as useful as I once believed."

"No," Loki said. "You don't need to learn French. I'll stick to English."

"Why are so many planets speaking in English, brother?" Thor said. "They've named English the Alltongue, but it isn't as magical as Odin made it seem."

"They speak English for the same reason any colony would speak the language of the imperialists that conquered them," Loki said, bitterly. "They were terrorized by the Aesir who ruled over them. They were forcefully taught English and then their own native tongue was lost to the sands of time."

"I see," Thor said, sorrowfully. 

"Cheer up," Loki said. "It's in the past."

"I won't cheer up," Thor said. "The more I learn of Odin's misdeeds, the more I regret my own ignorance."

"Never you mind," Loki said. "You were a child. You cannot carry the guilt of your forefathers."

"I'd like to carry it anyway?" Thor said. 

"Do what you will," Loki said, dismissively. "Are we done here? You said you would lead me to New Asgard."

"Yes," Thor said. "Please take my hand?"

"I'm not a toddling babe," Loki said. 

"I'm the toddling babe," Thor said. "Will my uncle please take my hand?"

"I'm not your uncle, Thor," Loki said. 

"You're my elder," Thor said. "Might I respect you the way a man ought to respect his elder?"

"No," Loki said. "I'm not your elder. I thought you were older than me, Thor?"

"No," Thor said. "I'm not older than you."

"What year were you born?" Loki said. 

"I believe I was born in 1793," Thor said, shrugging. 

"Then you are clearly the older man," Loki said. 

"Is that so?" Thor said. "What year were you born?"

Loki frowned. 

You were born on October 1st, 2089, Lewis said. Then you were kidnapped and taken to January, 28, 1887. 

"Malarkey," Loki said. 

You'll learn our history, Lewis said. Whether you like it or not, you will learn your own history. 

"I'm younger than you, Thor," Loki said, impatiently. "I was born in 1887."

"Very well, brother," Thor said. "Will my young shield brother please take my hand?"

"Very well!" Loki said. 

He grabbed Thor's left hand with his right hand. 

"Take me to New Asgard!" Loki said. "Now!" 

"Yes, Loki," Thor said, solemnly. "I swear to lead you to your family."

"None of your nonsense," Loki said. "Walk, man! Get moving!"

Thor finally began walking towards the Asgardian village. When they arrived, the other Asgardians reacted as if they were witnessing the second coming of their messiah. 

At first, Loki thought Thor had been mistaken for a messiah, but then he realized that he himself was being treated as a Christ figure. 

The Asgardians were eagerly shaking Loki's hand and handing him flowers and baskets of food. Some of them even ran into their homes to grab thick winter coats, which they held out towards Loki with pride. 

Deciding to humor this odd treatment, Loki accepted the gifts he was given. 

There were a lot of gifts, but Thor helped Loki hold them. When his arms were full, Hogun the Grim showed up to lend his assistance as well. 

Before long, Loki was walking between Fandral and Volstagg and a few other warriors that he didn't recognize. These warriors were also helping to collect the offerings that the Aesir were bestowing on Loki like worshippers before their god. 

This is queer, Loki thought. I suppose my variant made a fool of himself and died as theatrically as possible. 

Yes, Lewis said. He did. 

Loki sighed. 

When they finally found Heimdall, the man shook Loki's hand and said, "I know where you can find Lady Blaise. She is waiting for you in New York."

"Why is she in New York?" Loki said. 

"She has a school," Heimdall said. "She is the headmistress of an academy for mutants. She assists these young mutants with their powers. She helps them learn to control their abilities. Then she encourages them to direct their talents towards worthy causes."

"I see," Loki said. "I'd like to visit her school, if I might?"

"She'll be very happy to see you, Prince Loki," Heimdall said. "Please visit my daughter whenever you'd like."

"Thank you, Heimdall," Loki said. "I'm glad to see that you survived the war."

"Aye," Heimdall said. "I'm also happy to see you, Loki. Please share my hearth whenever you'd like."

Loki grinned at the big man. 

Then, tentatively, Loki opened his arms. 

Heimdall gave Loki a brief hug. 

Then Heimdall stepped back and ruffled Loki's hair.

Loki chuckled.

"I love you like a son, Loki," Heimdall said. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "I had no idea."  

"Look after yourself," Heimdall said, sternly. "I cannot be everywhere at once. My magical sight is not as omnipresent as the Allfather wanted the people to believe. I can only view one distant place at a time."

"I'll bare this in mind," Loki said. "Look after yourself as well, Heimdall. I would grieve your death if you were to die."

"Aye," Heimdall said. "I also grieve for you, Prince Loki. Don't go chasing any waterfalls."

"Hah!" Loki said. "I'll stick to the rivers I know best, shall I?"

"Yes, son," Heimdall said. "Please take heart. The people of Asgard adore you."

"I don't need to be adored," Loki said, huffing. "Don't confuse me with my foolish variant. I won't go building any statutes of myself. Not this decade."

"Perhaps next decade?" Heimdall said. "You deserve a few statues made in your image. For too long, I've watched the people build statues of Odin, Balder, and Thor. Where is the statue for Loki, I thought to myself, and could only sigh."

"But where is the statue for Heimdall?" Loki retorted. "You do good work, Watcher. You deserve your own monument. I would carve your face into a mountain if I had the spare time."

"There's always time," Heimdall said, teasingly. "We have all the time we could possibly want."

"Aye," Loki said. "I fear we have too much time."

"Bah," Heimdall said. "We've been blessed with immortality. Our forefathers gave us our eternal youth. Who are we to turn our noses up at the gift they gave us?"

"I suppose you have a point," Loki said, thoughtfully.

"Please don't lose your head, Prince Loki," Heimdall said. "I fear you will take a knife to your own throat if I don't look after you?"

Loki frowned at his feet. 

The Asgardians who had followed Loki to Heimdall's quarters were watching in respectful silence. They said not a word. 

"I won't take a knife to my own throat," Loki said, softly. "Please don't concern yourself with my welfare?"

"I will always concern myself," Heimdall said. 

Loki looked back up at Heimdall and found that the man had unshed tears in his eyes. 

"Bah," Loki said, shrugging as casually as possible. "Do what you will."

At this point, Thor wrestled his way through the crowd of surrounding Asgardians and breathlessly said, "Please don't go to New York without me, brother!" 

"Aye," Loki said. 

Then another Asgardian dropped the basket of food he was holding and held his hand up in the air like a schoolboy who was eager to grab the attention of his professor. 

"Take me with you!" Hogun the Grim shouted, urgently. "I'll be a good shield brother!"

"Me too!" Fandral the Dashing said, while hugging the pile of coats he'd collected. "I will be the best shield brother you've ever had, Prince Loki!"

"Aye!" Loki said, laughing. "Calm down, you silly saplings. I'll take The Warriors Three with me on my journey." 

Loki glanced at Volstagg and raised an eyebrow. 

"Will you take Lady Sif with you?" Volstagg said. "I'm more than happy to remain in New Asgard with my wife."

The woman herself gasped. She was standing beside Volstagg and holding the largest basket yet. In her basket there was a pile of gold coins.

"I will be a good shield sister!" Lady Sif shouted. "I promise not to accuse you of witchcraft!"

"What a silly promise to make," Loki said. "I'm a witch, Lady Sif. I will always be guilty of witchcraft."

"I promise to forgive your witchcraft!" Lady Sif said, urgently. "I trust Loki Wordsmith to be benevolent with his witchcraft!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "When did I win your trust, Lady Sif?"

"Eons ago!" Lady Sif said, stomping her foot. "Please don't exclude me from your coven?"

"Oho," Loki said. "You would like to join a coven, Lady Sif? Here I thought you were as devout as Joan of Ark with her Catholicism."

"I've thrown away my religion!" Lady Sif said, confidently raising her chin. "From now on, I am an Atheist!"

"Very good, Lady Sif," Loki said. "In that case, I'll allow you to join my coven."

"Thank you, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif said, with tears in her eyes. "Thank you!"

"Gather around, saplings," Loki said, cheerfully. "We must travel to New York in order to visit the fair Lady Blaise."

Eager as schoolboys who had just been invited to take a field trip on the Magic School Bus, Lady Sif, Fandral, Hogun, and Thor put themselves into a circle. They put their coats, baskets, and other goods down at their feet and held hands with each other. 

They left Loki in the center of the circle. 

It appeared they knew enough about his Spatial Magic to know that he didn't actually need to hold hands with them himself. 

Loki pulled the entire circle through a wormhole. He carried each of them to New York and even brought the baskets and coats they had collected. 

They landed in Central Park and found that Blaise was already standing there.

"Heimdall told me you would visit me," Blaise said, with a bashful grin. "I hope you aren't offended?"

"Why would I be offended?" Loki said, exuberantly opening his arms. "Come give your godfather a hug, Lady Blaise!"

Blaise giggled like a happy girl and rushed forward to give him a firm hug. 

"Where are your brothers?" Loki whispered, while tenderly embracing her. "Are they safe?"

"Yessir," Blaise whispered back. "They are happy and healthy. Only some of them are married, but each of them is living with companions that they trust."

"Wonderful," Loki murmured. 

He stepped back from her and cleared his throat. 

"Have you met Thor and The Warriors Three?" Loki said, politely gesturing at his companions. 

"I haven't," Blaise said. 

She smiled at them. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Aye!" Hogun said. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Lady Blaise!"

Blaise frowned at Hogun. "What is your name, sir?"

"Hogun," Hogun said. "But some of the Midgardians call me Leander Gans."

"Which name do you prefer?" Blaise said. 

"Hogun," Hogun said. 

"I'm Fandral the Dashing," Fandral said, while blushing at Lady Blaise. "I believe we've met before? Very briefly. I wouldn't forget such a beautiful woman, but we never had the opportunity to speak to each other, Lady Blaise."

"Oh?" Blaise said, while softly smiling at Fandral. "Where did we briefly meet?"

"On Asgard," Fandral said. "The original planet. Before it was destroyed."

Blaise nodded, politely, and then intently stared at Lady Sif. 

"We've met many times, Lady Sif," Blaise said. "Haven't we?"

"Aye," Lady Sif said, while frowning at her feet. "But we haven't spoken, Lady Blaise."

"You would run away from me," Blaise said, giggling. "Why would you run from me?"

"You are very beautiful, Lady Blaise!" Lady Sif said, while blushing furiously. "You are much older than me and you are very wise! I didn't dare approach you!"

"Come here, you silly girl," Blaise said, opening her arms. "Give me a hug."

Obediently, Lady Sif stepped forward and allowed the taller woman to hug her. 

Thor grinned at them and Loki laughed at the goofy smile that had come upon Thor's face. 

"Well then," Loki said. "You know Thor Odinson, of course. The man needs no introduction."

Blaise stepped away from Lady Sif and rolled her eyes in Thor's direction. 

"Everyone knows the God of Thunder," Blaise said. "His photos are plastered all over the internet."

"Internet?" Thor said. 

"I'll explain the internet to you, Thor," Fandral said. "It's a charming bit of Midgardian magic."

"I also know about the internet!" Lady Sif said, hotly. "I'll also help Prince Thor learn about the internet!"

"Settle down, you rowdy children," Loki said, with his hands on his hips. "We have more important work to do. I must return to Nick Fury and his companions. I aim to help them hunt down the nefarious organization known as Hydra."

"Aye aye!" Hogun said. "Please allow me to help you with this dire quest!"

"I also want to help!" Blaise said. "Don't you dare leave me behind!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "Aren't you needed here in New York? Heimdall told me you are the headmistress of a school for mutants."

"One of the other professors can take over as headmistress," Blaise said, huffing. "I deserve to spend some quality time with my godfather, wouldn't you say?"

"Very well," Loki said, magnanimously. "If that is what you would like to do. Shall I help you pack your bags?"

"No need," Blaise said, smirking. "I know my godfather well enough to know that he'll have an entire closet filled with tasteful clothing that I might borrow while I travel with him?"

Loki grinned at her. "You'll allow me to dress you?"

"Yessir," Blaise said. "I'll allow it and I'll love every second of it. Please treat me like your adorable little Cinderella."

"Hah!" Loki said. "Don't tease me, girl."

"I wouldn't dare," Blaise said, while solemnly holding a hand to her chest. "I would never tease my godfather. I'm a good girl."

"You're a silly girl," Loki said, playfully. "Give me another hug, Lady Blaise!"

Gleefully, Blaise stepped forward and gave Loki another hug. 

"What should we do with these cumbersome baskets?" Fandral said. "I'll do my best to eat some of this food before it rots, but I fear my stomach is not big enough?"

"I can store it all away in a pocket dimension," Loki said. 

Loki stepped away from Blaise, with a bit of reluctance, and faced his warriors. 

"When I place food in a pocket dimension, it will be put in suspended animation," Loki said. "We won't need to worry about the food spoiling."

"Please do so, brother," Thor said. "We will eat the food when we are hungry. And we will wear the coats when we are cold."

"I collected a lot of gold for you, Prince Thor!" Lady Sif said, gesturing at the largest basket at their feet, which had been filled with gold coins. "I wanted to help you fund your quest!"

"Thank you, Lady Sif," Thor said. "I appreciate your efforts."

Thor glanced at Loki and raised an eyebrow. 

Recognizing the cue for what it was, Loki cleared his throat and gave Lady Sif an approving smile. 

"I also appreciate your efforts," Loki told Lady Sif, politely. "Good work."

Lady Sif beamed at Loki. 

Loki blinked in confusion. 

He'd never received such a big smile from Lady Sif before. 

A tad awkwardly, Loki clapped his hands together and used his magic to send all of the baskets and coats to his pocket dimension. 

Then he rolled his shoulders back and said, "Are my warriors prepared to meet Nick Fury?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. 

"Aye aye!" Fandral said. 

"Yessir," Blaise said. 

"I'll be a good Valkyrie!" Lady Sif said. 

"I'm ready to follow you, Loki," Thor said. "Please take us with you on your mission against Hydra." 

"Marvelous," Loki said. "Gather around, saplings. One more time, put yourselves into a circle and hold hands."

The warriors did as they were told. Then Loki opened another worm hole and pulled them towards Nick Fury. 

They landed in a nondescript apartment building. Nick Fury was sitting behind a desk. 

Vision was standing in front of the desk with his wife, Wanda Maximoff. 

"Hello," Wanda said, with a bright smile. "How are you doing today, Loki?"

"I'm well," Loki said, politely. "These are my companions. They would like to assist in the battle against Hydra."

"I'm a witch who is skilled with hypnosis," Blaise said. 

"I'm a Valkyrie!" Lady Sif said. 

"I have super strength and a bit of fire magic," Hogun said. "Like that man who works for the Fantastic Four? I'm a human torch because my father was a Jötunn and my mother is an elf." 

"I'm very strong and durable," Fandral said. "I'll be a useful Aesir warrior against the Hydra dragon!" 

"It isn't a dragon, Fandral," Loki said, chuckling. "It's an organization of fascists." 

"I will also defeat the fascists!" Fandral said, confidently. 

"I have thunder magic," Thor said, cheerfully. "I'll direct my lightning at your enemies, Nick Fury." 

"Great," Fury said. "We'll give you room and board at Avengers Tower."

"Excellent!" Blaise said. "I'll be a good superhero! Please let me have a bedroom next to Loki? He's my godfather, so I demand to have a bedroom next door to him!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I'm her godfather!" 

"We'll make sure to put you in between your goddaughter and your brother," Wanda said, reassuringly. "We'll help you against Hydra." 

"Wonderful," Loki said. "This will be a good decade. We will be productive members of society!" 

"Aye!" Hogun said. "We will be productive Midgardian citizens!" 

Blaise giggled at Hogun and echoed, "We'll be productive American citizens!" 

"You're already an American citizen, Allison," Wanda said, gently. "Please know that I'm already aware of your legal name. Don't be alarmed?"

Blaise laughed. "Aye aye, Captain Wanda! I won't be alarmed!" 

"Would you like a few days to get acquainted with Avengers Tower?" Vision said, smiling at them all like a benevolent uncle who was happy to adopt more nephews. 

"Aye!" Loki said. 

He put his arms around Blaise once more and buried his face in her long curly hair. She reacted to this by holding him close. 

"The Tower is a few blocks from here," Fury said. "We already did background checks on the staff. We've got agents we trust living and working there. Tony Stark is in charge of the building, but Vision and Wanda regularly visit." 

"I see," Thor said. "I've been there before, yes? It is the same Avengers Tower that once stood proudly here in New York?" 

"Yup," Fury said. "We rebuilt it."

"Oh?" Loki said. "When was it destroyed?"

Feeling a bit embarrassed by his public display of affection, Loki stepped away from Blaise and avoided eye contact with her. 

"It was demolished, at one point," Wanda said. "Taken apart and relocated elsewhere."

"Hmm," Loki said. "But it was restored?"

Wanda proudly straightened herself up. "I restored it. I knew we needed a headquarters in New York. New York is an important city that we need to defend."

That is when the tiresome voice in Loki's head chose to make another appearance. 

Tell Wanda you're proud of her, Lewis said, urgently. Tell her she is a very good superhero.

"You're an excellent superhero," Loki said. "You've done good work, Wanda Maximoff. I am proud to be among your allies."

Wanda beamed at him. "Thank you!" 

"Please follow me," Vision said. "I will escort you to Avengers Tower to ensure that none of the New Yorkers harass you."

"Why would they harass us?" Loki said. 

"Thor Odinson is very famous," Wanda said. "He has a lot of fangirls."

Thor laughed. He didn't look surprised to hear this. 

"Of course he does," Lady Sif said, grinning at Thor. "Prince Thor is the fairest in all the land."

"Nay," Thor said. "Prince Loki is the fairest in all the land."

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Prince Loki is the fairest!"

"Why do you silly warriors care which of us is fairest?" Loki said. "Can we not agree that each of us is fair and handsome?"

"Aye!" Fandral said. "Each of us is handsome!" 

Blaise laughed and reached out to pinch one of Loki's cheeks. "But you're the man with the most noble heart, Loki Wordsmith."

"Bah," Loki said, lightly batting her hand away. "I disagree."

Blaise pouted at him. 

Loki bopped her on the nose. "Will my sister behave herself this decade?"

"Yes," Blaise said, nodding firmly. "I'll be a good girl."

"I'll also be a good boy," Loki said. "So long as you behave yourself, I will behave myself."

Blaise smirked at him. 

Loki blushed. 

Then Thor was loudly clearing his throat and grasping Loki by his forearm. 

"Let us be off, brother," Thor said, boisterously. "We must follow Vision to Avengers Tower."

"Aye aye," Loki said, laughing. "I will follow Vision to Avengers Tower."

They made quite a spectacle of themselves as they walked along the sidewalk of New York. Wanda had spoken the truth when she'd warned them of Thor's fangirls. The Midgardian women were beside themselves when they spotted the God of Thunder walking arm in arm with Loki like a cheerful man on holiday. 

They used their scrying glasses to shine spotlights on Thor and they filmed him with their devices. These devices were thin slabs of glass, but they were powerful. They used their glass to inform other fangirls that Thor had made an appearance in New York and soon there were even more women eagerly circling Thor and his companions. 

Thor laughed this off. He even waved at the crowd of Midgardian women and asked Loki to wave as well. 

To humor Thor, Loki shrugged and waved at the Midgardian women. 

They squealed in delight when Loki did this. 

Then Thor put his arm around Loki's shoulders and the Midgardian women squealed all the more. For some reason, they were delighted to see Thor embrace a shield brother. 

Vision walked in front of them and made a point to wear a brightly blue and red costume with a large red cape. He used his magic to prevent the Midgardian women from getting too close. 

Blaise and the rest of the Asgardians walked behind Loki and Thor. They also waved at the Midgardian women and graciously accepted flowers that were handed to them. 

One woman threw a box of chocolates at Thor and he effortlessly caught it. 

"Thank you, random citizen!" Thor shouted, laughing like a man who had just made a clever joke. 

The women surrounding them also laughed. 

Finally, they arrived at Avengers Tower. Vision led them to an elevator, which deposited them on the 5th floor. 

Vision showed them the hallway of empty guest bedrooms and told them that each of these rooms was identical. Loki shrugged and picked one of them at random. Thor picked the room that was to the right of Loki's room and Blaise picked the room that was to the left. Lady Sif picked the room on Thor's right and Hogun picked the room that was directly across from Loki's room. 

Fandral picked the room that was directly across from Lady Sif's room. This left an empty room in between Fandral and Hogun's quarters. 

"Can I invite one of my brothers to take that room?" Blaise asked Vision. "Can we leave it empty for him?"

"Yes," Vision said. "Would you like to leave this entire floor empty? We don't have any other heroes living on the 5th floor yet."

"Yes!" Blaise said. "I know a lot of very talented superheroes. I'll recruit them for the Avengers Initiative?"

"If you'd like?" Vision said. 

"One of my brothers has been operating like a vigilante," Blaise said. "He wears a mask and sends himself out at night to punch muggers in dark alleyways like a little idiot. I'd feel better if he had a professional superhero team to work with? I worry he'll get stabbed to death while picking fights with muggers."

"You can invite him to work for the Avengers," Vision said. "We'll be happy to have him."

"That's a great idea!" Loki said. "You should invite your brother to live here with us Blaise. Which brother are you worrying about? Is it Duro Peña?"

"Yes!" Blaise said. "He's a dumbass!" 

"We'll help him with his stupidity," Loki said, laughing. "We won't let anyone stab him to death." 

"You're my favorite brother!" Blaise said, enthusiastically reaching out to give him yet another hug.

"Aye!" Loki said, squeezing her tightly. "You're my favorite sister!"

"Hah!" Blaise said. "I'm your only sister!"

"This is true," Loki said, chuckling. 

"Please bring Duro Peña to Fury's office when you find the time," Vision said. "Fury would prefer to speak to new heroes before we allow them into Avengers Tower."

"Yessir," Blaise said, giggling. "I'll march his butt over to Nick Fury's office."

"Atta girl!" Loki said, gleefully. "I'll help you capture him! We'll make a proper hero out of that man child whether he likes it or not!"

"Hell yeah!" Blaise said. "No more of his solo hero nonsense!"

At this point, Thor and his Asgardians were chatting amongst themselves in front of Lady Sif's new bedroom. Thor glanced over at Loki and gave him a beautiful smile. 

Loki grinned in Thor's direction. 

Then he pulled away from Blaise and cleared his throat.

"First things first," Loki said. "Let's get you settled into your new bedroom? I was promised the opportunity to dress you like Cinderella."

"I love you more than Apollo loves Artemis!" Blaise shouted. "Please dress me like a beautiful princess!"

"I love you more than Hades loves Persephone," Loki said, fondly. "I'll be your prince charming."

"I'll give you time to settle in," Vision said. "Please know that you can call on me whenever you need my assistance."

Loki nodded at Vision and watched as the man walked away and phased through the nearest wall. 

"He's an android, right?" Blaise said. "He's like Grace?"

"Grace?" Loki said.

"Nevermind," Blaise said, hastily. "We'll worry about her later."

"Oh?" Loki said. "You have an android that is worrying you?"

"Just a tad?" Blaise said. "Grace means well, but she's a helicopter parent."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Is this something I need to investigate?"

"Can we table it?" Blaise said. 

"I suppose," Loki said. "First we'll recruit Duro Peña. He's a powerful Sea Jötunn. He'll be invaluable in the fight against Hydra."

"Yessir," Blaise said. "I'll help you track him down."

"Good lass," Loki said. "But first, we must assemble your wardrobe."

"Fashion show?" Blaise said, grinning. 

"Yes ma'am," Loki said. "March your butt into your new bedroom and we shall have ourselves a charming little fashion show."

"Me too!" Lady Sif shouted. "I also would like to be a fashion model, Prince Loki!"

Loki laughed. "Aye! You may join our fashion show, Lady Sif!"

"Don't leave me out!" Fandral said. "I'm a male model!" 

"Very well, children," Loki said. "Together, we will put together our Midgardian disguises. Then, once we've settled on our costumes, we will go out into New York dressed as superheroes. We'll use our investigative skills to track down a powerful Sea Jötunn who will help us on our dire quest!" 

"A Sea Jötunn?" Hogun said. "Was he raised in the city of Atlantis?"

"His parents are Atlantean," Loki said. "But the man himself was raised in New York. I believe he thought of himself as a normal human until he discovered he could hold his breath under water for as long as a dolphin can."

"Yup," Blaise said. "He was pleasantly surprised. He's also got magic. Telekinesis, you know?" 

"I am very aware," Loki said, sardonically. "Peña loves to use his telekinesis to fling knives at people."

"He's almost as bad as you," Blaise said, playfully. 

Loki laughed. 

"May I also have a superhero costume, Loki?" Thor said, hesitantly. "Or am I to be excluded from the Midgardian disguises because I'm too famous?"

"We can get you a mask?" Loki said. 

"Aye!" Thor said. "I will mask myself like Spider-Man!"

"If you'd like?" Loki said. 

"I fear I must?" Thor said. "It would be dangerous if the women of Midgard threw themselves into conflicts as soon as they laid eyes upon my face?"

"You have grown wise, Thor," Loki said, approvingly. 

Thor blushed and proudly thumped himself on the chest. "Aye!"

"I'll also wear a mask," Loki said, musingly. "I fear I'm too infamous on Midgard."

"You certainly are, Prince Loki," Fandral said. "Some of the Midgardians have been calling you Lucifer Morningstar."

Loki grinned. "Oho. What a charming villain name."

Blaise snorted. 

"Enough of this chatter," Loki said, grandly gesturing at the bedroom Blaise had selected for herself. "We have much work to do, heroes!"

"Aye aye!" Hogun said. "We will follow you, Prince Loki! You are our noble leader!"

"I thought Thor was the leader?" Loki said. "He's the king."

"Nay!" Thor said. "You are the king today, Loki!"

"Is that so?" Loki said, raising his eyebrows.

"Aye!" Fandral said. "It is so!"

"Aye aye!" Lady Sif said. "I will bend the knee!"

"No need to do all that," Loki said, impatiently. "We don't have time for your theatrics, Lady Sif."

Lady Sif giggled as if Loki had just told a marvelous joke. 

He frowned in confusion, then shrugged and clapped his hands together. 

"Chop chop," Loki said. "Move your arse."

As cheerful as a church choir, each of Loki's companions filed into Blaise's bedroom and allowed him to pull a large wardrobe of costumes out of his pocket dimension. 

The clothing was a wide arrange of outfits that had been collected over eons. 

Some of the clothes were from the 17th and 18th centuries, but some of them were futuristic jumpsuits that had been taken from far past the 21st century. 

None of them asked Loki about his time in the future, which was good, because Loki did not want to describe the time he had spent in 3016. 

When everyone had selected a mask and a costume, they calmly discussed what they would use as their code names when surrounded by civilians. 

"I'll be The Rumor," Blaise said. "It's always been my superhero name. You can also call me Rumor."

"Very good," Loki said. "I'll be... hmm... shall I call myself The Traveler?"

"That one's taken," Blaise said, apologetically. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I'll come up with something else."

"I'll be Joan of Ark," Lady Sif said, grinning widely. 

She was wearing a sparkling suit of armor that was indeed reminiscent of the late Joan of Ark.

"Excellent," Loki said. "We will call you Ark, for short?"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. 

"Should I call myself Fire Bender?" Hogun said. "I have fire magic."

"It'll do for now," Loki said. "We'll consider it a placeholder."

"I would like to be Alphonso!" Fandral said.

Blaise laughed. "That isn't a superhero name. That's just a name!"

"Drat," Fandral said. "Might I call myself Patrick Star?"

Blaise playfully shoved him on the shoulder and blushed at him. "No sir! You can't call yourself Patrick Star!"

Fandral pouted at her. "Why not?"

"Isn't that a cartoon character?" Loki said. "Why would you name yourself after a cartoon, Fandral?"

"I'm a star," Fandral said, with a goofy smile. 

"We can call you Dashing Knight?" Blaise said. "You'll be our very own dark knight, but you'll be dashing."

"Hmm," Fandral said. "It'll do for now."

"I will call myself Moonlight!" Thor announced, with confidence.

"That one is taken," Blaise said, laughing. 

"It is?" Thor said, looking disappointed. 

"We should call you Apollo," Loki said. 

"N-no!" Thor said. "I'm not to be confused with King Apollo!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "You don't want to be associated with your forefathers?"

"I do not want any association with the Aesir forefathers!" Thor said. "Please don't call me Apollo?"

"Very well?" Loki said. "But we can't call you Moonlight."

"What about Spaceboy?" Blaise said, glancing at Hogun. "Is it alright if we call Thor our Spaceboy?"

"Isn't he a bit too muscular?" Hogun said, frowning at Thor. "A bit too tall? He's too old to be Spaceboy."

"Aha!" Loki said. "We'll call Thor The Moonwalker." 

"Excellent!" Thor said. "Please call me your Moonwalker, brother!"

"Wonderful," Loki said. "What will we call me? I need a hero alias, post haste."

I'd like to call you Agent Draconian, Lewis said. 

That sounds like a super villain name, Loki thought, rolling his eyes. 

"Snow White?" Lady Sif said. "We might call you our lovely Snow White?"

"That is not a superhero name," Loki said. 

"The Jötunn Prince?" Hogun said.

"The humans won't know what a Jötunn is," Loki said.  

"Nightcrawler?" Fandral said. 

"That one's already taken," Blaise said. 

"Drat!" Fandral said. "All of the good names are taken!" 

"Merlin?" Loki said. "Wait, no. Disregard that. I don't want to be Merlin anymore."

"Lancelot?" Hogun said. 

"No!" Loki said. "I'm fed up with the round table!" 

"The Bard?" Blaise said. 

"Good enough!" Loki said. "Henceforth, my code name is Bard."

"Aha!" Hogun said. "Because you're our beautiful wordsmith and a lovely singer!" 

"Yes, yes," Loki said. "Are we prepared, saplings? We must venture out into the streets of New York and find Duro Peña."

"Aye!" Thor said. "With these masks on, none of the Midgardians will recognize us!" 

"Aye!" Lady Sif said, shoving her helmet down over her face. "None will recognize us!"

They later found out that all of the Midgardians recognized them. 

However, the people of Midgard politely pretended not to recognize them when they saw that Thor Odinson and his companions were wearing masks. 

As for Duro Peña himself, he attacked them with his knives when they surrounded him in a dimly lit New York alleyway.

But Peña put his weapons down once Blaise removed her face mask. 

"Stop in the name of the law!" Blaise said, giggling. "You have been found guilty of unlawful vigilante justice!"

"I'm a solo hero!" Peña shouted. "I don't need a superhero team!"

Then Blaise pulled Loki's mask off of his head and Duro Peña gasped as if he was looking at a dead man.

"Five!" Peña said, furiously. "What the fuck! Where the hell have you been, asshole?!"

"I was off planet," Loki said, apologetically. 

"What the fuck!" Peña said. "You can't just go off planet whenever you want!"

"I apologize?" Loki said. "From now on, I'll stay on Earth?"

"You'd better!" Peña said. "Viktor thinks you're dead! He wrote a whole book about you!"

"Viktor?" Loki said, glancing at Blaise. 

"Number Seven," Blaise said. "He changed his name to Viktor."

"Oh," Loki said. "I didn't realize he was writing books about me."

"You can't just time travel whenever the hell you want!" Peña said. "You can't just... fuck! You're such an asshole!"

"Yes, yes," Loki said. "I'm the biggest asshole in the family. I know this well."

"Goddammit," Peña said. "Who else knows that you're back in New York?"

"I'm the only one who knows," Blaise said. 

"Why didn't you tell the rest of us, Number Three?" Peña said, scowling at her.

"I just found out!" Blaise said, defensively. 

"Yeah right," Peña said. 

"Listen here, you little baby," Loki said, wagging a condescending finger at Peña. "You will be nice to your sister."

Peña laughed. 

"Should we give them some privacy?" Fandral said, to Hogun.

Hogun shrugged. 

"Yes you should!" Peña said. "Fuck off!" 

"Aye," Lady Sif said, huffing. "We'll bugger off."

She grabbed Fandral and Thor by their elbows and led them away from Peña. Awkwardly, Hogun began to follow them, but then Blaise said, "Not you, Hogun. Stay right here."

"Yes ma'am," Hogun said. 

"Leander?" Peña said. "Is that you under that mask?"

Sheepishly, Hogun removed the mask he was wearing and gave Peña a nervous smile.

"Knew it was you," Peña said, chuckling. "I'd recognize that polite voice anywhere."

"Very good," Loki said. "Now that we all know who we're speaking with, will you please calm down, Peña?" 

"No I won't!" Peña said. "I haven't seen you in over twenty three fucking years, dumbass! Why the hell would I be calm?"

"I didn't die!" Loki said. "Are you satisfied? I'm alive and well."

"I'm not satisfied!" Peña said. "We have to tell Viktor you're alive. And Theo too. We've gotta tell everyone!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "Go ahead and tell everyone."

"Five changed his name to Loki," Blaise said. "And I changed mine to Blaise Zabini."

"Alright?" Peña said. "I've been using Duro Peña as my alias."

"We know," Loki said. 

"Viktor is Viktor," Peña said, shrugging. "He married one of his musicians. A girl who plays the drums or something."

"Did he take her surname?" Loki said. 

"Yeah," Peña said. "Tushner."

"That'll make it easier to find him," Loki said. "What name is Theo using, these days?"

"Joon Byun," Peña said. "What are you calling yourself, Leander? Are you still Leander Gans?"

"I prefer Hogun," Hogun said. "But I answer to Leander Gans whenever a Midgardian uses the name. I know that I'm the man they're looking for when I hear that name."

"Midgardian?" Peña said. 

"We'll worry about that stuff later," Blaise said. "Rumor has it, there's been a bit of confusion."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki said. 

"Whatever, bro," Peña said. "I'll call you Hogun."

"Thank you," Hogun said. "Should I call you Duro Peña or is that simply a public name?"

"That's my public name," Peña said. "Keep calling me Diego. I'm still Number Two."

"Number Two?" Hogun said. 

"I heard a rumor the multi-verse is a little bit confusing," Blaise said, breathlessly. "We'll worry about our native timelines later? We're not all from the same timeline, but family is still family, hmm?"

"I agree," Loki said. "Family is still family."

"I don't give a damn," Peña said. "We've gotta help Number Four, alright? That dumbass is going to OD on fentanyl or some shit if we don't do something, so we have to tell him Five is alive. We have to tell him and we also have to tell Theo and Viktor."

"What is Number Four calling himself?" Loki said. "Is he still Seance?" 

"That's his hero name," Peña said. "His private name is Beau."

"Aha," Loki said. "Short for Beaufort?"

"No," Peña said. "Short for Beaufoy."

Loki grinned. "Klaus Beaufoy?"

"You saw his stand up special?" Peña said. 

"Stand up special?" Loki said. 

"Number Four is a professional comedian, these days," Blaise said. "But he's still our Seance. We'll call him Beau because he doesn't like the name Klaus anymore."

"I understand," Loki said. "I'll call him Beau."

"Jesus Christ," Peña said. "I can't believe you're really here, Five! What the hell have you been doing for the past twenty three years?"

"I was preoccupied with... hmm... with politics?" Loki said. "I got a bit tangled up with the Asgardians."

"The hell," Peña said. "The space Vikings?"

"Yes," Loki said. 

"What did they want with you?" Peña said. 

"I'm not sure?" Loki said. "They... hmm... I'm not sure."

"Five changed his name to Loki," Blaise said, lightly smacking Peña on the shoulder. "You need to call him Loki!" 

"Damn," Peña said. "Sorry. It'll take some getting used to."

"It's not like he's the only one who changed his name," Blaise said. "Everyone is changing their names, right Hogun?"

"Aye," Hogun said. 

"What's wrong with Number One?" Peña whispered, to Blaise. "He's been really quiet?"

"He's just a little shy," Blaise whispered back. 

"We can hear you," Loki said. "Whisper more quietly."

Hogun anxiously chuckled and then said, "I fear the Allmother removed my childhood memories?"

"Drat!" Loki said. "We'll take you to Dr. Strange, Hogun. That man will help you recover your childhood memories."

"Truly?" Hogun said. 

"Truly," Loki said. "He's a trustworthy mage."

"I trust you, Prince Loki," Hogun said. "So I'll trust Dr. Strange."

"Prince Loki?" Peña said, raising an eyebrow at Hogun. "That's a cute nickname, bro."

Hogun blushed and avoided eye contact. 

"Nevermind all that," Loki said. "We need to take Hogun to the doctor."

"I'll take him," Blaise said. "Will you trust me to take him? I know where Dr. Strange's mansion is."

"Yes," Loki said. "I trust you, Blaise."

Blaise beamed at him. 

"Fuck it," Peña said. "You wanted me to join a superhero team? I'll join if you're there, Five. Fuck, I mean Loki. Whatever. I'll join if you're there, but if you fucking disappear again, I'll quit!" 

"I understand," Loki said. "I won't disappear this time."

"You better not disappear this time!" Peña said. "If you want to throw another tantrum and blink off into the future, take me with you this time!"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Take me with you when you world walk, Prince Loki!" 

"Alright!" Loki said. "I didn't realize my shield brothers would be so lost without me?"

"Fuck off," Peña said, sulkily. 

Blaise laughed, light heartedly. "I also want to go with you when you time travel, Loki. Please don't leave your goddaughter behind?"

"Goddaughter?" Peña said. 

"Shh," Blaise said. "Let me be his goddaughter!"

"He's barely older than us," Peña said. 

"Nevermind all that," Loki said, airily. "Age is just a number."

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Age is just a number!"

"Huh?" Peña said. 

"Settle down, Number Two," Blaise said. "I'll explain everything later, so please settle down?"

"Goddammit," Peña said. "Stop keeping secrets!"

"First things first," Loki said. "I'm going to introduce you to Nick Fury while Blaise introduces Hogun to Dr. Strange. Does this sit well with my siblings?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. 

"Fine!" Peña said. "He's the dude who's in charge of the Avengers, right?"

"Yessir," Loki said. "He is a trust worthy government official."

Peña rolled his eyes. Under his breath he muttered, "No such thing."

"Now, now," Loki said. "Won't you trust your favorite brother?"

Peña was like a sulky little boy when Loki said this, but he allowed Loki to lead him towards the modest apartment building where Fury had housed his office. 

Hogun also allowed Blaise to lead him towards Dr. Strange's mansion. 

Thor, Fandral, and Lady Sif had occupied themselves elsewhere, so Loki didn't need to worry about them. 

For once, everything was going smoothly. 

Once Peña had informed the rest of his brothers that Loki was alive and in New York, they flocked towards Nick Fury and eagerly asked to be hired as Avengers superheroes. 

From there, the Avenger Initiative continued to grow. As more heroes donned costumes and aligned themselves with S.H.I.E.L.D., more Hydra agents were discovered and booted out of the organization. 

Eventually, former Avengers heroes returned to the organization. Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and even the Hulk returned to work for the Avengers. 

Wanda Maximoff was put in charge of them under her public superhero name, The Scarlet Witch. Her husband, meanwhile, was put in charge of the non-mutant civilians who applied to work in Avengers Tower as S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.

Tony Stark worked with the civilians and with the heroes. He wore his Iron Man armor when fighting alongside superheroes and he wore the snazzy three piece suits he favored while working with the S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists and engineers that had flocked to his tower. 

Nick Fury continued to spearhead the larger S.H.I.E.L.D. organization. 

Everything might have been perfect if it weren't for Norman Osborn. 

The man was a menace to society who gleefully murdered May Parker in front of a young hero known as Spider-Man. 

This gruesome killing set off a sequence of events that destabilized the space time continuum. 

When the timeline collapsed, Loki lost his memories once more. 

His memories were overwritten by a new timeline. In this new timeline, Loki was known in New York as Drake Beaufoy.

But his close friends and family members called him Loki.

One day, Loki would rediscover his original memories. However, that day would arrive centuries later.

Until then, he simply lived as Drake Beaufoy. A simple man with the childhood nickname Loki. A simple man with Jötunn heritage who lived among humans and pretended to be human. 

It was a good life. He worked at a university as a college professor. 

It was perfectly fine and dandy, but then one day Thor Odinson arrived to disrupt this simple life. 

Loki was in his office simply grading test papers when there was a knock on his door. 

"Come in," Loki called towards the door. 

In walked a large blonde man who was famous throughout Terra as the prince of Asgard. 

"Hello," Loki said, blinking up at the large blonde man from behind his desk. "What can I do for you?"

The prince of Asgard was a very tall man. He was girthy, muscular, and wore an eye patch. He was clearly a war veteran. 

However, he didn't carry himself like a tall man. His shoulders were hunched and he directed his gaze downwards. 

"My name is Don Blake," the blonde man said, hesitantly. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "I thought you were Prince Thor of Asgard?"

The blonde man looked up with a hopeful smile. 

"You know me as Thor?" the blonde man said. 

"Yes?" Loki said. "Is that not your name?" 

"Aye!" Thor said. "My father named me Thor Odinson."

"Then why did you introduce yourself as Don Blake?" Loki said. 

"Ah, well," Thor said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "My human mother named me Don Blake."

"I see?" Loki said. "Which name do you prefer?"

"Thor," Thor said, with a toothy grin. 

"Very well," Loki said. "Will you sit down, Thor? Don't stand over me like a beefy warrior. There is a perfectly good chair in front of my desk."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. 

Despite his eye patch and his grizzled appearance, Thor was eager to follow orders. He quickly sat down in the chair in front of Loki's desk and squinted at the nameplate. 

"Should I address you as Professor Beaufoy?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "How else would you address me?"

"I beg your pardon," Thor said. "You change your name quite often."

"Is that so?" Loki said. "When have I changed my name?"

"Erm, you seem to change your name every decade?" Thor said. 

"This is news to me," Loki said. "I've been living here in New York for three decades under the name Drake Beaufoy."

"Oh," Thor said, scratching at his chin. "So you've been here for three full decades?"

"Yes," Loki said. 

"I see," Thor said, thoughtfully. 

"What do you need from me, Thor Odinson?" Loki said. 

"Ah," Thor said, smiling down at his hands. "I heard you had adopted a group of warriors? Might I count myself amongst your shield brothers?"

"You mean the Jötunn halflings?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Jötunn halflings?" Thor said, looking back up with a puzzled frown. 

"Yes?" Loki said. "The men I adopted are each part Jötunn. Some of them are half, some of them are a quarter, and some of them have merely a drop or two of Jötunn blood. But each of them are Jötunn orphans without parents to guide them." 

"They are your blood brothers?" Thor said. "You are their blooded cousin?"

"No," Loki said. "I share no blood with them, but I'm the elder Jötunn. I adopted them and helped them blend in with the humans. I didn't want them to be attacked as werewolves or as witches or as vampires."

"Aha!" Thor said. "I also need your help! I've been mistaken for a god."

"No," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "You don't need my help."

"I don't?" Thor said, pouting. 

"You are half Aesir and half Vanir," Loki said. "Is that not so?" 

"I suppose?" Thor said. "But I spent some time among the humans. I had a mother who was human. I later discovered she was not my birth mother, but I still love her as a son should love a mother."

"There you have it," Loki said. "You don't need me. You have a mother who loves you."

"Might I still join your warriors?" Thor said. 

"Join them?" Loki said. "For what purpose?"

"I'll lend them my hammer?" Thor said. "I'll lend them my magic? If they have an enemy, I will smite their enemy?"

"We don't need your lightning," Loki said, huffing. "What is your true purpose, Odinson? What do you want from my Jötunn halflings?" 

"I would simply be honored to be counted among your brothers?" Thor said. 

"Why?" Loki said. "We've never even spoken before."

Thor blinked at Loki. 

"We've never spoken before?" Thor said, incredulously. 

"Of course not?" Loki said. "This is our first meeting."

"Pardon?!" Thor said, leaning forward with sudden urgency. "You've never seen me before?"

"I've seen your face often enough on those TV screens," Loki said, leaning backward. "The God of Thunder is quite famous."

"I apologize for being famous?" Thor said. 

"I accept your apology?" Loki said. 

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, both puzzled for different reasons. 

Thor eventually straightened up, frowned at the ceiling, and then looked back towards Loki with the air of a man who was determined to make himself heard. 

"Have you ever time traveled?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said, dryly. "I haven't had the pleasure of embarking on that particular adventure."

"I've time traveled with Iron Man," Thor said. "I helped him rescue half of the universe, which was unjustly vanished by Thanos!"

"I know," Loki said. "I heard the story. It was all over the news. After five long years spent in some sort of suspended animation, billions of people suddenly reappeared in homes that were no longer their homes. Some of them reappeared in the middle of the street and were nearly hit by cars. Some of them were on planes when they were blipped and appeared in mid air. The superheroes had to scramble to prevent these people from falling to their deaths."

Thor winced. 

"Most of them were saved," Loki said. "Very few people died."

"I wish we had given the matter a bit more thought," Thor said, tentatively. "I wish none of them had died."

"Oh well," Loki said. "If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs."

"Hades!" Thor said. "That isn't funny, Loki!" 

Loki stood up and walked around his desk. 

Thor blinked up at him from his chair. 

"You know me as Loki?" Loki whispered. 

"I apologize?" Thor said, nervously. "I forgot to address you as Professor Beaufoy."

"Yes," Loki murmured. "You forgot. How dare you?"

"Please don't hang me?" Thor said. "I will use your proper name from now on?"

Loki put his hands on Thor's shoulders and leaned down into his personal space. 

"What do you want from me, Odinson?" Loki said, quietly. "Did the Allmother send you to collect me like a naughty child that has escaped from her playpen?"

"No," Thor said. "The Allmother is dead."

"I refuse to believe that," Loki hissed. "The woman has faked her death many times."

"She is truly dead, brother!" Thor said. 

"Since when am I your brother?" Loki said, scoffing. "I haven't adopted you as a brother."

"I apologize!" Thor said. "I'll spend the rest of my life apologizing!" 

"Why are you apologizing?" Loki said. 

"The Allmother sinned against you," Thor said, mournfully. "As did Odin One Eye Allfather. I've learned of their crimes and aim to make amends."

"I don't want you to make amends," Loki said, sneering. "I want you to tell me what you want from me."

"I miss you," Thor said, with a tear leaking out of his eye. "I simply miss you. I will respect your new name. I will address you as Drake Beaufoy. Will you please allow me to remain by your side?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I'm a bit confused, sapling. What is it that you miss, exactly?"

"I miss your campfire songs," Thor said, blinking rapidly. "I miss your dancing. I miss your stories and your beautiful voice. If you're singing, or angrily shouting, or simply speaking, it is music to my ears."

"My, my, my," Loki said. 

He took his hands off of Thor's shoulders and stepped back. 

"You are quite the poet," Loki said, smirking. "What else do you miss, Odinson?"

"I miss your magic," Thor said, standing up and walking forward. "I miss your insults. I even miss having a knife shoved into my shoulder."

Loki did not step back. He simply frowned up at the taller man. 

"You silly man," Loki said, chuckling darkly. "Why would you invite me to stab you?"

"I once saw you as a snake in my garden," Thor said. "I thought you were beautiful. I picked you up to admire you and then was startled when you used your magic to transform into a man. You laughed at me and stabbed me with a knife. It is a fond memory."

"Are you a masochist?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

"Yes," Thor said, with a rueful grin. "When I'm with you, I'm a masochist. Only for you."  

"That is all very well and good," Loki said, putting his hands on his hips. "But I've never met you. I know Odin Allfather. I know his wife. I despise them. You, however? I have no grudge against you. I've never met you."

"Will you allow me to properly get acquainted with you?" Thor said. "Please? Don't send me away like a naughty schoolboy?" 

"I fear that is exactly what you are, Thor Odinson," Loki said. "You strike me as a naughty schoolboy who fancies one of his tutors."

"Aye," Thor said. "I fear the same."

"Hmm," Loki said. "I'm occupied with my classes. I teach Anthropology."

"Might I attend your classes?" Thor said. "I'll devote myself to my studies?"

"No," Loki said. "You may not."

"Might I simply visit you in your office when you have a spare moment?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "You may not."

"You'll send me away?" Thor said, looking down at his feet. 

"No," Loki said. "I won't send you away."

Thor looked back up.

He had a hopeful look on his face. Like a boy who was desperately hoping to receive a gift on Christmas morning, but knew it was unlikely. 

"You won't show your face at this university," Loki said, decisively. "You're too famous. You would distract my students with your handsome face. I never want to see you step foot on this campus ever again."

"Aye?" Thor said. 

"If you wish to see me, we will meet off campus," Loki said. "Is that not reasonable?"

"Aye!" Thor said. "I will meet you wherever you'd like me to meet you!"

"Saturday," Loki said. "Are you free this Saturday?"

"Aye!" Thor said, while grinning from ear to ear. 

"Meet me at Central Park on Saturday," Loki said. "We'll take a simple stroll about the park. How does that sound?"

"It sounds very good," Thor said, breathlessly. "I'll bring you flowers!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "Go ahead and bring me flowers."

"May I give you a hug?" Thor said, while blushing furiously. 

"Yes," Loki said. "A brief hug. Very brief. And then you will get out of my office. I have tests that I need to grade."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. 

Thor sprang forward and threw his arms around Loki. He did this with a bit too much enthusiasm, which caused Loki to huff, but Thor immediately loosened his hold while laughing sheepishly. 

Then Loki lightly patted Thor upon his back and said, "There there, Thor Odinson. You are clearly a misplaced time traveler."

Thor stepped back from the hug. 

"A misplaced time traveler?" Thor said. 

"I've seen it happen before," Loki said. "When a man travels through time, he leaves his native timeline behind. He becomes lost in the multi-verse. The timeline will change around you whenever it pleases, but you will remain the same. You will notice the change, but no one else will notice the change. This will leave you rather confused and isolated."

"I had no idea," Thor said, thoughtfully. "You've never time traveled yourself?"

"I already said I've never time traveled," Loki said. 

"I suppose I didn't believe you?" Thor said. "I've always known you to be a skilled world walker."

Loki shook his head. "I haven't dabbled in Time Magic. It seemed foolhardy, so I avoided it."

"Should I also avoid it?" Thor said. 

"It's too late," Loki said. "Once a man leaves his native timeline, he can't go back. You'll spend the rest of your existence as a traveler. The timeline will change around you whenever one of the other travelers makes a change to your past."

"To my past?" Thor said. 

"If any time traveler travels before the day you are currently breathing in," Loki said, with a smirk. "You'll notice the change around you. You might notice that the King of Asgard has suddenly changed. You might notice that your own mother has changed her name. You might even notice that the lover in your bed is a new woman. You'll wake up beside your lover and be dismayed to find a stranger."

"That sounds horrifying," Thor said, scowling at the ceiling. "There is nothing I can do to prevent it?" 

"There's nothing you can do," Loki said. "My advice? You should live with other travelers. They'll be stable. When the timeline changes around you and the other travelers, they will all remain exactly the same. Just as you will remain the same."

"How can I find these other travelers?" Thor said. 

"I thought you said you had time traveled with Iron Man?" Loki said. "Didn't you have heroes alongside you when you made that trip? Where have your heroes gone?"

"They each have their own homes and their own families," Thor said. "I'd rather remain here. With you."

"I'll change whenever the timeline changes," Loki said. "You realize that by now, don't you? I imagine you've already seen me change a few times."

"Aye," Thor said. "I have. You once called yourself Professor Zabini. Several times, you were Professor Gans. Twice, you were Professor Tushner. I think I even heard you call yourself Professor Peña, at one point, but I wasn't able to speak with you. A man who called himself your big brother threw a knife at me when I attempted to approach your office."

"Duro is rather protective," Loki said, chuckling. "He's a good boy."

"I thought you were simply changing your alias," Thor said. "Every time I visited you, you were a university professor right here in New York. At the same university. Working out of the same office. The only change was your name."  

"I suppose that means I have a stable life," Loki said, thoughtfully. "That's good to know?"

"Do you think you'll forget me every decade?" Thor said. "I'll have to reintroduce myself to you every decade?"

"I don't know, Thor," Loki said. "I refuse to leave my native timeline. I won't cast myself out to the mercy of the multi-verse."

Thor nodded. 

"Cheer up," Loki said. "You can simply walk away from me? Find yourself a shield brother that is willing to adopt you. Find yourself a companion that is also a traveler."

"I won't walk away from you," Thor said. "I cannot do that."

"Why can't you?" Loki said. 

"I love you," Thor said. "My heart breaks without you."

"I see?" Loki said. "You realize you're saying this to a man who has never met you?"

"I realize it," Thor said, sighing. 

"Might you find one of my doppelgangers?" Loki said. "I know you'll easily find a doppelganger that is like you. One of them will have been foolish enough to time travel."

"How would I find your doppelganger?" Thor said. 

"I have no idea," Loki said, frowning. "Isn't there an organization of professional time traveling mercenaries?"

"Time traveling mercenaries?" Thor said, aghast at the very idea. 

Thor stood there with his mouth hanging open like a man who had just been informed that The Grim Reapers were real.  

"The Hit Wizards," Loki said. "You haven't heard of them?"

"No, I haven't!" Thor said. "How do you know these things if you've never time traveled?"

"I have a network of mages who keep me abreast of these things," Loki said. "They are a dedicated group of men and women who study magic under me."

"You have a lot of students," Thor said, blinking. "A lot of students of all ages who study all subjects?"

"Yes?" Loki said. "I teach a different subject when I tire of the previous subject."

"How long will you continue to teach Anthropology?" Thor said. "When will you switch subjects?"

Loki shrugged. "I haven't tired of Anthropology yet. I'll simply change subjects when the mood strikes me."

"You're a handsome professor," Thor said, in frustration, as if it were a bad thing. 

"So I've been told," Loki said, smirking. 

"Are you in a relationship with one of your mages?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "I'm in a relationship with Klaus Beaufoy. He's my husband."

"I see," Thor said. 

His shoulders slumped. 

"Will he be offended when I bring you flowers?" Thor said. 

"He won't be offended," Loki said. "We're polyamorous. Are you saying you'd like to court me?"

Thor blinked. "Polyamorous? What does that mean?"

"It means my husband has a girlfriend," Loki said, chuckling. "I also have a boyfriend named Joon Byun."

"You have two lovers?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "Is that a problem for you?"

"No!" Thor said. "It isn't a problem! I'll still bring you flowers!"

"Oho," Loki said. "I imagine you'll only get your heart broken? You should leave and look for a time traveler. Have we not established that I might forget you as soon as the timeline changes?"

"But I have no idea how to find other time travelers," Thor said. "I don't want to take up with a group of cold hearted killers who call themselves Hit Wizards."

"Fair enough," Loki said. "You can still seek out the heroes who are from your native timeline?"

"I'll visit them on occasion?" Thor said. "Would that satisfy you?"

"I'm only concerned for your welfare, sapling," Loki said. "I'd rather not see you weeping like a lost little boy?"

"Does this mean you'll adopt me into your family?" Thor said, with a hopeful smile. 

"I suppose I have no choice," Loki said, roughly patting Thor on the shoulder. "Would you please get out of my office? I need to finish grading my tests."

"Aye!" Thor said. "I'll see you on Saturday?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Unless the timeline collapses around you."

Thor frowned. "Is that likely?"

"It's a coin toss," Loki said. "I have no idea how likely it is."

"Hades in a handbasket," Thor said. "Should I consult Dr. Strange on this matter?"

"That's exactly what you should do, Thor," Loki said. "Please go and bother Dr. Strange. He is a very wise mage and a skilled time traveler."

"Aha!" Thor said, cheerfully. "I will do so!" 

"Good boy," Loki cooed. "Go on now. Go and tell the doctor about your problem."

"May I have one more hug?" Thor said, with the air of a man who was about to lose his entire village to the flames of Ragnarök.  

"One more hug," Loki said, opening his arms. "Go ahead."

Thor held Loki tenderly and whispered, "I will always love you."

Loki gave him a few more pats on his back. 

"I understand," Loki said. "Please seek Dr. Strange's help?"

"Aye," Thor said. 

Thor finally released Loki from the hug and politely left. 

Alone once more, Loki was able to sit down behind his desk and continue grading the papers he'd been working on. 

On Saturday, Loki met Thor at Central Park. As promised, the man had flowers with him. Red roses. 

"My goodness," Loki said. "You're quite the romantic, aren't you?"

"Yes," Thor said, blushing fiercely. "I'm a romantic man."

"How adorable," Loki said. 

He took the roses and then stowed them away in his pocket dimension. Thor smiled at this little display of magic. 

"Was Dr. Strange able to help you?" Loki said. 

"Yes!" Thor said. "He gave me a magical device. He said it would anchor me to your timeline."

"I see," Loki said. "Good for you?"

"It is very good!" Thor said. "I would like to spend the rest of my life by your side!" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Would you settle down? This is only our first date."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "I will settle down!" 

The man didn't settle down at all. He conducted himself with the enthusiasm of a young man who was ardently pursuing the love of a foreign princess with a glittering crown upon her head. 

Loki decided he was fine with this. Thor Odinson was a handsome man. He was charming, if a bit dim witted. 

They strolled about Central Park and encountered a few fangirls who pointed their cellphones at Thor. These young women giggled in delight when they caught a glimpse of the famous God of Thunder. 

It didn't bother Loki. He simply ignored them. 

At one point, they encountered a blonde woman. 

"Loki?" the blonde woman said. "My name is Sylvie."

"Very well?" Loki said. "Most of the humans know me as Drake Beaufoy."

"I know," Sylvie said. "But you recognize the name Loki. You also answer to Loki, don't you?"

"Yes," Loki said. 

Loki glanced at Thor. 

Thor shrugged. 

"Are you looking for this Aesir?" Loki said. "He's a time traveler."

"I wasn't looking for Thor," Sylvie said. "I was looking for the God of Mischief."

"You haven't found him," Loki said. "I refuse to conduct myself as the God of Mischief."

"What about the God of Storytelling?" Sylvie said. "The God of Time?"

"What do you want from me?" Loki said. 

"There was an assassination," Sylvie said, wincing. "Kang was killed. The TVA was left in a bit of chaos?"

"Why would that be a concern of mine?" Loki said. "I'm not a time traveler."

"But you will be," Sylvie said. "If you come with me?"

"No," Loki said. "I won't go with you."

He looked at Thor once more. 

Thor was intently studying the blonde woman. 

"Are you Loki?" Thor said. "You look like Loki."

Sylvie sighed. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "This young woman is one of my doppelgangers?"

"Yes," Sylvie said. "I'm a Loki variant."

"Then why can't you do whatever it is you'd like me to do?" Loki said. "You should have all the same magic that I have. You're fully equipped to do it yourself. Whatever it is."

"I'm not as old as you," Sylvie said, hesitantly. "I'm not as wise?"

"Nice try," Loki said. "What's your angle?"

Sylvie groaned. 

"Be frank with me, woman," Loki said. "What do you want?"

"It was my fault!" Sylvie said, hotly. "I'm the one that killed Kang!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "You should clean up your own mess."

"Please help me?" Sylvie said. "I was... I've learned the error of my ways?"

"Sure you have," Loki said. 

"What do you need help with?" Thor said. 

"The TVA is experiencing instability," Sylvie said. "It used to be safely nestled outside of time. Whenever the timelines branched around us, the TVA was unaffected. But now all of the TVA agents have lost their memories."

"Are you the only agent who retained her memories?" Loki said. 

"Yes!" Sylvie said. "The rest of them have reverted to their civilian lives."

"Hmm," Loki said. "It must be because you're the person who killed that timeline's anchor."

"What do you mean?" Sylvie said. 

"You said the TVA was outside time?" Loki said. "That isn't possible. Mathematically speaking, there's no such thing as being outside time. The organization must have been anchored around the man you killed. Once he was dead, his timeline died with him. Because you are the woman that killed him, you retain your memory of the event. But the other people who lived in that timeline are gone. They died with Kang."

"But they didn't die," Sylvie said. "They just lost their memories."

"No," Loki said. "The people you knew are dead. The people who look identical to them are doppelgangers who have spent their entire lives in a different timeline. They didn't lose their memories. They never lived a time traveler's life in the first place."

"Dammit," Sylvie said. "I didn't know I would kill an entire timeline when I killed Kang! I only wanted to kill Kang!"

"It doesn't matter what you wanted," Loki said. "The deed is done. You must live with the consequences."

Sylvie scowled at Loki as if he'd just murdered an infant in front of her.  

"What would you have me do, you silly woman?" Loki said. "Would you have me kidnap your lost TVA agents? Would you have me pull them out of their native timelines and forcefully hire them as your time travelers?"

"No," Sylvie said. "I don't want to do that."

"Then you should leave," Loki said. "Perhaps speak with Dr. Strange? He might help you with your troubles."

"Dr. Strange?" Sylvie said. "The dark wizard?"

"He is a very wise man," Thor said, quietly. "He'll help you."

"Fine!" Sylvie said. "I'll leave you alone!"

"Wait a moment," Loki said. "Hold on for just a second."

Sylvie was blinking rapidly. She was attempting to stifle unshed tears. 

"I know you," Loki murmured. "I've met you before, haven't I?"

"Yes," Sylvie said. "You were a TVA agent before I killed Kang."

"Hmm," Loki said. "I'll go with you to see Dr. Strange."

"You will?" Sylvie said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "Let's go."

Loki grabbed them both by their elbows and teleported directly to Dr. Strange's mansion. 

What followed was a rather harrowing tale involving a war between various time traveling factions. 

This was a story Loki never recounted to anyone. He didn't enjoy dwelling on it. When Loki told stories to his students, he preferred to give them happier stories. More romantic stories about heroes who dramatically died in their shield brother's arms or about dashing knights who chased after their lovers like mad men who refused to lose their spouses to the jaws of death. 

He didn't discuss his work with the TVA. 

The TVA agents preferred things that way. They didn't want Loki to tell tales about them. 

Time simply marched on upon a dragon's back and none of them discussed the world walkers unless it was strictly necessary. It was one of those things that was need to know. 

You don't need to know, dear reader. So you will never know. 

But Thor won himself a spouse that decade. Loki married him in front of the people of Asgard. 

Then they lived happily ever after. 

Loki was working for the TVA when he met a young Wanda Maximoff variant. 

"Pietro," Wanda said, smiling at Loki with relief. "Where have you been?"

"Pietro?" Loki said. "I'm not Pietro."

"But I saw you run across the room in the blink of an eye," Wanda said. 

"I wasn't running," Loki said. "I used a spatial jump."

"What?" Wanda said. 

"I teleported," Loki said. 

"But you look just like Pietro," Wanda said. "You don't recognize me?"

"I've met one of your older variants," Loki said. "I'm not your brother or your son or your husband. I'm simply a mage."

"But you look just like my twin brother!" Wanda said. "Why are you denying it? You're obviously Pietro."

"You've gotten confused," Loki said. "I'm not Pietro."

That was when a Victor Shade variant showed up to gently guide Wanda away. She allowed the blonde man to pull her away from Loki, but she kept glancing back at him with a puzzled frown. 

Loki sighed. 

This sort of thing was beginning to happen with more frequency. 

"Well if it isn't Klaus Beaufoy," a young Tony Stark variant said while smirking at Loki. "Alive and in the flesh. You rose from the grave like a vampire, huh?"

"I'm not Klaus Beaufoy!" Loki said. "You've mistaken me for my... you've mistaken me for someone else."

"Who did I mistake you for, princess?" Stark said, chuckling. "Your boyfriend or your brother?"

"Hades in a handbasket," Loki said, huffing. "What do you want from me, Stark?"

Stark leaned forward and waggled his eyebrows. "A sexy play date?"

"No," Loki said. "I'm married."

"Who are you married to this time?" Stark said, pouting. "You've got a different wife every freakin' year."

"I'm married to Thor this time," Loki said. "Bugger off."

"I'll be nice to your husband, eh?" Stark said. "Just consider me your sexy third wheel?"

"No," Loki said. "You're too young for me."

"I'm way older than I look," Stark said. "I'm totally one of those immortal teenagers."

"You're too young for me," Loki repeated. "Please flirt with someone your own age?"

"What if I told you that I fell in love with your variant and then lost him to a tragic death?" Stark said, chuckling. 

"I wouldn't believe you," Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

"Tale as old as time, isn't it?" Stark said. "My Loki variant dramatically died in my arms, you know? I miss him and my heart is breaking, Reindeer Games."

"I'm not going to replace the Loki variant that broke your heart," Loki said. "Why don't you look for a mortal to play with, hmm? Stop chasing after aliens."

"But aliens are sexier," Stark said. "Why can't I be a freaky little monster-fucker?"

"Do whatever you want, Stark," Loki said. "With someone else."

"You're not going to scold me for being rude to my secretary?" Stark said. "You're not going to say that I'm sinning against the sacred timeline?"

"That's propaganda," Loki said. "There's no such thing as a sacred timeline."

"See, this is why I love you, Twinkle Toes," Stark said. "Won't you give me the time of day?"

"I'm married," Loki said. 

"I heard you've got a sexy open marriage," Stark said. "Isn't that true? Don't you have a palace full of concubines?"

"That's a rumor," Loki said, flatly. 

"C'mon," Stark said. "Can I be your Earthling concubine? I'll, uh, I'll let you tell your aliens that I'm the most handsome Terran that you could find?"

"No," Loki said. 

A Victor Shade variant chose that moment to stroll up to them. He quickly distracted Stark by abandoning his human disguise to prove that he was an android. Then he patiently explained that he had been built by an older Tony Stark variant. 

"That's awesome!" Stark said. "I didn't know I was going to build The Vision."

"You won't build The Vision," Loki said. "Vision has already been built. I thought I told Miss Minutes to explain that The Grandfather Paradox was inaccurate during her orientation?"

"I might have skipped the orientation," Stark said, sheepishly. 

"Go watch the orientation video!" Loki said. "If you fail to watch the video? I'll have you fired."

"You can't do that!" Stark said. 

Then Stark glanced in Victor's direction. 

"Can he do that?" Stark said.

"Yes," Victor said. "Loki Wordsmith is respected enough to have a TVA agent fired. You'll be fired as soon as Loki tells his peers that you are unfit to work for the TVA."

"Dammit," Stark said. "Fine. I'll watch the orientation video."

"Good boy," Loki cooed. 

He made a point of giving Stark a condescending pat on the head. 

Normally, the Stark variants would be pissed off whenever Loki did something like this. 

However, this particular Stark variant was very young. He blushed like a schoolboy that fancied his professor. 

Oh boy, Loki thought. I need to avoid this one. 

"Run along, now," Loki said. "You'll be a good agent, hmm? First you have to mind your studies. Then we'll allow you to venture out with an older agent for field work."

"Yessir," Stark said. 

The Victor Shade variant led Stark back to the orientation room. 

Apparently, Stark had snuck out of the orientation room as soon as he'd spotted Loki walking by. 

We need to implement some sort of age restriction, Loki thought. The council shouldn't be recruiting such young variants.

Loki later found out that the council preferred to recruit teenagers because they considered young minds to be more malleable and susceptible to propaganda.

Needless to say, Loki instigated a coup d'état. Every member of the council was ousted and replaced with more reasonable agents who agreed that they should never recruit variants below the age of thirty. 

But the young Tony Stark variant was allowed to stay at the TVA because he'd already been introduced to the organization and refused to return to his native timeline. He begged to be assigned as Loki's rookie cop partner and then followed Loki around like a puppy once his wish was granted. 

Thor found this amusing, when Loki complained about it. 

He also found it amusing when the young Wanda Maximoff variant broke into their house and demanded to speak to her twin brother. 

Loki didn't find it amusing. He told the girl that he was not Pietro Maximoff. She stubbornly refused to believe him. 

He told her he would send her back to her native timeline if she failed to behave herself. She said she wouldn't break into his house again if he granted her a few holiday visits with her twin brother. 

Begrudgingly, Loki agreed to these terms. 

In this manner, Loki found himself collecting several siblings who weren't his actual siblings. Like Wanda Maximoff, these people were variants who had mistaken Loki for dead relatives. 

Some of them were like Thor. They'd known a Loki variant who was identical to Loki and who had died. 

But some of them were like Wanda and simply mistook Loki for people they had been separated from. A man might look at Loki and assume that Loki was a boy who had died in his native timeline. He would assume that Loki had once been the boy and was now simply an older man who had gotten taller, but was still the same boy. 

Loki allowed these people to call him their brother. 

Why not? 

It did no harm. 

Or so it seemed, at the time. 

However, things eventually spiraled out of control. 

Before he knew it, there were hundreds of variants that had mistaken Loki for a brother. 

Before he knew it, the TVA was crawling with these people. They became something of a cult. 

Loki had no choice, once he realized this. 

He abandoned ship. He simply left with Thor and the young Tony Stark variant, who he'd adopted as a son. 

Later, Loki would regret this decision, but he wanted to prioritize his life with his husband. None would fault Loki for prioritizing his life with his husband. Stark certainly didn't. The young man was simply happy that he'd been chosen to leave with them. He was delighted to be an adopted son. 

So they left.

They started over in a new timeline. 

As always, time marched on.  

Chapter Text

The Dragon Prince of Asgard has certainly made a name for himself among the humble people of Terra, this century, but did you know he killed eighty humans within his first two days on Terra's planet?

Loki of Asgard is said to have been born on Jötunheimr, but he spent his early years as the royal consort of Muspelheim's Fire Queen. He enjoyed centuries in the lap of luxury and then cruelly abandoned the Muspelheim Queen when Hela Odinsdottir made him a better offer. 

The wicked Frost Jötunn betrayed his own people for the chance to be one of Asgard's pampered concubines. And for what? Power and glorious purpose. 

Once a snake always a snake. Loki of Asgard then slept his way to the top. He seduced the most beautiful goddess on Asgard, Freya of Vanaheim, and is said to have even spent a few nights in her twin brother's bed. 

Loki of Asgard is a man without scruples. Once he made it into Vanaheim's bedchambers, it was only a matter of time before he caught the attention of the most powerful Pantheon in the universe, the Greek Gods themselves. 

Dionysus, known as The Grandmaster among Terra's people, may be a lower ranked godling within the Greek Pantheon, but his power is beyond anything ordinary mortals like you or I could possibly imagine. 

The hedonistic God of Wine began life as a humble demi-god, but he was granted full godhood by Zeus after centuries of dutiful worship and noble works. 

Once the Dragon Prince of Asgard had gained the attention of the powerful Dionysus, it was only a matter of time before the God of Mischief won his own godhood status. 

Because the Grandmaster was so fond of Asgard's Dragon Prince, he elevated Loki above all of his other lovers and gave Loki of Asgard the right to rule over the Norse Pantheon. 

With the Greeks backing him, Loki initiated a bloodbath on Asgard. He set the entire planet on fire and deposed King Odin, even going so far as to gruesomely murder Odin One Eye Allfather and his wife, Queen Frigga Allmother. 

Then Loki asked the Greeks to send Hephaestus, the God of Blacksmithing, to rebuild the decimated planet of Asgard.

With Asgard thus restored, the conniving Loki Lie-Smith then seduced the rightful heir to Asgard's throne, Thor Odinson himself, and playfully declared himself the Queen of Asgard with an official royal marriage to King Thor. 

But we all know who the real King of Asgard is. The God of Thunder is nothing more than a figurehead who sits on the throne of Asgard like a handsome show pony. 

Behind the scenes, the evil Loki Dragon Prince has taken the reins. He's collected an entire harem of consorts while King Thor has declared himself loyal to his queen. 

To make matters worse, Loki of Asgard has painstakingly cultivated a reputation on Terra as one of their noble superheroes. He took part in the Terran war against Thanos and now enjoys their enthusiastic worship. 

What will the Dragon Prince do next? 

For some reason, every Jötunn in the universe is thrilled by the tale of Loki's rise to power. The Fire Jötunns have forgiven him for abandoning their people. The Frost Jötunns cheer him on as he subjugates the Aesir and Vanir living on Asgard. 

The Earth Jötunns on Jötunheimr's orbiting dwarf planet have held feasts in Queen Loki's honor. 

The Sea Jötunns, who live under Terra's plentiful oceans, have also declared loyalty to Asgard for the first time in recorded history and claim they're simply happy to see a Jötunn Queen for the first time since Queen Bestla. 

Yet where was this support when Queen Bestla herself was actually alive and on the throne? This reporter sure smells something fishy among the Atlantean Sea Jötunns of Terra. It didn't surprise me to discover that Loki has made the Prince of Atlantis, Jötunn halfling Joon Byun, into a royal consort of Asgard.  

Even Queen Freya of Vanaheim has refused to publicly say a negative word against Loki of Asgard. 

When asked to comment on the eighty humans Loki killed when he arrived on Terra, Queen Freya shrugged her slender shoulders, tossed her beautiful blonde hair, and then breathlessly said, "Those humans weren't civilians. They were Hydra agents. Their deaths were justified because they were committing insidious crimes against the Terran general public."

A likely story. 

Be warned, readers. 

Loki Silver-tongue is a snake in the grass. He's as evil as the drake sea serpent that once terrorized the people of Terra. 

The sea serpent was a shape shifting Jötunn Giant which would gleefully eat sailors with impunity. To this day, Terrans fearfully recount the tale of The Kraken and cautiously navigate boats on their oceans while having no idea that there's an entire civilization of Sea Jötunns living on their ocean floors. 

The kingdom of Atlantis prefers it that way. 

As for Prince Joon Byun, the halfling Jötunn heir to the Atlantean throne, he had this to say about Loki Lie-Smith, 

"Loki is my God," Byun said, while smirking at the camera man who was filming him. "Loki is my paramour, my soulmate, and the very stars in my sky. If any would dare sin against Loki of Asgard, I would mobilize every Jötunn in the universe to punish the offending party. Be they a full blooded Jötunn, a half blood Jötunn, or a mixed person with but a drop of Jötunn blood, every Jötunn in the multi-verse will be loyal to Loki Wordsmith. To war against the God of Chaos is to war against the very cosmos. Be warned, people of Hawtrey. You cannot win against my God. You will bend the knee, else you will die." 

Those ominous words were all Byun was willing to say. Then he used his magic to create large tentacle appendages that erupted out of his stomach. He used them to rudely destroy the camera that was filming him. 

He even made a point of crushing every microphone in the room, just to get his point across, and manically laughed while every reporter and camera man in the room fled for their lives. 

One camera man lost an arm to the monstrous tentacle that squeezed it tightly enough to cut the limb off. 

If there was any doubt that King Loki intends to build an evil empire the likes of which we've never seen before, you can put that doubt to rest. 

Loki will take over the universe one day. The Roman Pantheon had better watch out. 

In the year of our Lord Jupiter, 2026, the Roman Pantheon currently rests at the top of the cosmic hierarchy. 

However, this reporter fears we will soon be compelled to name the Norse Pantheon as the Gods Above All Gods. 

Will Lord Jupiter recognize this threat and put a stop to it before it's too late? Or will he also fall prey to the Dragon Prince of Asgard's nefarious siren song? 

Only time will tell. 

Beaufort Moonhunter is a staff writer for The Hawtrey Hallow Gazette, covering Pantheon Politics. 

With five centuries of experience, he has reported extensively on Jötunns, dark mages, and concubine culture in a weekly column titled I'm Not the Evil Twin.

When not writing, he can be found hosting Who's The Scapegoat This Century? a monthly game show performed as part of a variety of activities on the full moon themed luxury cruise spaceship Cerny's Spatial Moon Cruise. (666% off round trip to Pandora: Book while you still can!)

Chapter Text

Loki was packing a travel bag when Thor hurried into his bedchamber like a man on a dire quest.

"Where are you off to?" Thor said. 

"Holiday," Loki said, shortly. 

"Might I accompany you?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "You may not."

"How long will you be gone?" Thor said. 

"A decade," Loki said. 

"Why do you leave so often, brother?" Thor said, mournfully. "Do you not enjoy Asgard? Do you not enjoy the library and Mother's garden?"

"No, Thor," Loki said. "I don't enjoy the library. I've run out of books. I don't enjoy the garden. The flowers are tiresome."

"What if I help you collect one of your magical treasures?" Thor said. "We might go on a quest in Vanaheim's Great Forest and hunt down King Arthur's lost cornucopia? Once we've found it, you may use it for one of your magical experiments?"

"No," Loki said. "Perhaps next decade?"

"You always say that, Loki," Thor said, sighing belligerently. "Why must I spend so many decades without my brother?"

"Why can't you spend your decade with Lady Sif and The Warriors Three?" Loki said. "Take them with you to Vanaheim. I promise to help you with the magical cornucopia when I return from my holiday, hmm?"

"I don't care about the cornucopia, Loki!" Thor said. "I only search for any old thing that might hold your interest!"

"My interest won't be held!" Loki shouted. 

"Why not, brother?" Thor said. "Why do you spend so many decades wandering the nine realms like a nomad? Why won't you take me with you on your travels?"

"Why do you sit upon my lap like a toddling babe suckling on the tit of his uncle?" Loki retorted. "Why won't you hound your Uncle Volstagg instead?"

"I don't aim to hound you, Loki!" Thor said. "I love you!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I love you too, Thor!"

"Do you?" Thor said. "Truly? I feel as though you barely tolerate me."

Loki took a deep breath and told himself to hold his temper. 

Then he gave Thor a charming smile and watched in amusement as the big man blushed. 

"Now, now," Loki said, consolingly. "Please don't cry, Prince Thor? I'll only be gone for a decade."

"I always cry when my Loki is gone," Thor said, frowning down at his feet. 

Loki tilted Thor's chin up and gave him a soft kiss upon his cheek. 

"Why would you do such a silly thing?" Loki said. "It's not as if we've never spent a decade apart?"

"We spend too many decades apart," Thor said, mulishly. "Why are you always adventuring elsewhere? I've seen you run off with an entire clan of maidens and with dark elves. I've seen you dance with werewolves and halfling merfolk. Why won't you dance with me, brother? Am I that hideous?"

"You aren't hideous, you silly man," Loki said. "Who would dare call the handsome God of Thunder hideous?" 

"My people forever tell me I am handsome," Thor muttered. "I fear they must be wrong?"

"What?" Loki said, aghast. "Why would you even humor such a ridiculous notion?"

"Because my brother refuses to stay by my side!" Thor burst out, as angrily as a child who was being denied Yule gifts. "He is forever running from me like a man who dodges the axe!"

"I'm not dodging an axe!" Loki said. "Would you please settle down?"

"No!" Thor said. "I won't settle down!"

"What would you have me say, Thor?" Loki said. "Must I spend my life chained to your bedside in order to prove my love?"

"No," Thor said, pouting. "Won't you simply take me with you when you go on holiday? I'd like to travel with you, brother. Why can't I travel with you?"

"You may travel with me next decade," Loki said, magnanimously. "This decade, my adventure is not for you. It's an adventure for scholars, hmm? You'll only complain and twiddle your thumbs in boredom." 

"You always say that!" Thor said. "And then, when the next decade arrives, you find a new excuse to put me off!"

"No?" Loki said. "Did I not spend last decade adventuring with you and your favored warriors?"

"That was three decades ago!" Thor cried. 

He was sniffling like a sad little boy, at this point. He wasn't crying, but he was as teary as a man on the brink of a waterfall. 

Hastily, Loki snaked his arms around Thor's waist and put his head on Thor's shoulder. Thor eagerly returned the hug, squeezing Loki tightly. 

"Why are you such a sad man?" Loki whispered. "I cannot look away from you for a single moment?"

"I'm only sad when my brother abandons me," Thor said, as sulkily as an unhappy adolescent. 

"Why don't you court one of the maidens that is forever throwing herself at your feet?" Loki said. "Isn't one of them the great granddaughter of King Arthur himself?"

Thor sighed.

"No?" Loki said. "Or you might court one of the Midgardian women? They worship you as their god."

"I don't want them," Thor said. 

"Why not?" Loki said. "They're beautiful."

"I don't want them," Thor repeated, stubbornly. 

"When I return from my holiday," Loki said. "I will help you find a woman who will be a suitable wife for you. She'll be loyal and she will remain by your side at all times. She'll never run off with werewolves or dark elves."

"Very well," Thor said, quietly. "You'll come back after the decade? You won't delay your return and hide from me for several decades?"

"I'll only be gone for a single decade," Loki said. "Then I will dutifully return to my prince and help him find a wife, hmm? I think you'll be happier once you find a proper wife."

"Aye," Thor said, sighing as belligerently as a man that had just been told to kiss a frog. 

"Cheer up," Loki said. "We'll find someone worthy of you. Perhaps we'll find a woman who is strong enough to wield Mjölnir?"

Thor pulled away from Loki's hug to frown at him. 

"Is there such a woman?" Thor said, doubtfully. 

"Of course," Loki said. "I'll find you the strongest woman in the nine realms. She will be a fearsome warrior and she will be powerful enough to effortlessly heft Mjölnir over her shoulder whenever she likes." 

Thor hummed, thoughtfully, and then said, "If you say so, brother."

"I do say so," Loki said, confidently. "Don't you trust your favored shield brother?"

"I trust you with my life, Loki," Thor said. "You know I've always admired you? I think the world of you, brother."

"Yes, yes," Loki said. "I also admire you."

"Do you?" Thor said. 

"Never doubt that I love you, Thor," Loki said. "I will always love you."

These words finally satisfied Thor. He left Loki's bedchamber and gave Loki the privacy to resume packing for his holiday. 

Loki was reading in his bedchamber when Thor barreled into the room like an angry bull. 

"Loki!" Thor shouted. "Where have you been, brother?"

Dropping his book in surprise, Loki looked up at Thor and blinked owlishly. 

"Please don't run away from home, brother," Thor said. "The Allmother weeps in her garden!"

"Aye?" Loki said. "I never ran away?"

Thor sat down on the edge of Loki's bed and put his hands together like a supplicant. 

"Please don't jump off the Bifrost?" Thor said, dolefully. 

"I never jumped off the Bifrost," Loki said, huffing. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"A nightmare?" Thor said, blinking in confusion. 

"It was just a dream, Thor," Loki said. "I haven't jumped off any bridges."

"You haven't?" Thor said. 

"No," Loki said. "Would you come here? Let me give you a hug."

Happy to receive affection, Thor crawled closer to Loki and cuddled with him.

Loki gave Thor a kiss on the forehead and sang a soothing lullaby. The big man was like a frightened child. He was pleased to fall asleep on Loki's bed. 

Once Thor was finally asleep, Loki rescued his book and resumed reading. 

Loki was posturing as a Midgardian hero when he accidentally attracted the God of Thunder's attention. 

He had decided to call himself the God of Beasts while on Midgard. He would transform himself into a bear, or a lion, or a bald eagle and the Midgardians would cheer for him and shower him with praise. 

On this particular day, Loki was putting on a show as a beautiful wolf and had just turned himself back into a man when Thor of Asgard breathlessly ran up to him and stood between Loki and the crowd of fans like a man who feared the Midgardians would attack a feral werewolf if the wolf man in question was not ardently defended by a noble hearted Aesir. 

"You've used your magic to shrink yourself?" Thor said, while looking upon Loki with worry. 

The man's first words were as puzzling as they were amusing. Loki laughed.

"Shrink myself?" Loki said. "Like the hero they call Ant Man?"

"No," Thor said. "I simply... I'm surprised to see that you've gotten so much shorter than me?"

Loki tilted his head. "Have you mistaken me for my Vanir twin?"

"You have a twin on Vanaheim?" Thor said. 

"Aye," Loki said. "I'm not to be mistaken for him. I'm Loki of Muspelheim."

"Loki of Muspelheim?" Thor said, doubtfully. "Why would you take up with the Fire Demons?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Loki said, jutting his chin out. "I am a royal consort on Muspelheim. The Fire Queen herself favors me and begs me to cool her bed every fortnight. I'm her favored ice pack, eh?" 

The Aesir were such pale Vikings. When they blushed, it was apparent on their entire face. Thor of Asgard blushed like a virginal maiden when Loki called himself an ice pack.

"I didn't realize you'd become a consort," Thor said, glancing away. "Is that why I have not seen you in so many decades?"

"You've mistaken me for my twin!" Loki said, hotly. "Did you not say yourself that I have grown much shorter? It's the opposite! My twin is much taller than I am."

Thor squinted at Loki. 

"Is that so?" Thor said, with the air of a man who was prepared for a cruel prank. "Since when do you have a twin?"

"Since the day I was born!" Loki shouted. "We were once identical twins, but he grew taller than me because he spent his childhood on a larger planet!"

It was a sore subject for Loki. He resented the fact that his twin was so much taller than him despite being the same age. 

"I apologize, brother," Thor said, quietly. "I had no idea you were a twin."

"Oho," Loki said, smirking at Thor. "You would claim me as a shield brother?"

"Aye," Thor said. "You won't have me as your brother?"

"I'll have you," Loki said, seductively cocking his hip. 

He took note of the way Thor glanced down and followed the movement. The big Aesir was blushing even more than he already had been. He was as red as a cherry tomato. 

"I'm a consort with many freedoms," Loki murmured. "My queen encourages me to make nice with the other realms."

"P-pardon?" Thor said. 

"Won't you spend a holiday with me, Prince Thor?" Loki said. "Or have you already got a maiden you'd rather spend your nights with?"

"My nights?" Thor said, raising his eyebrows. "What do you mean, brother?"

"Am I speaking with a child?" Loki said. "How old are you?"

"I'm older than you, Loki!" Thor said. "Why are you behaving this way?"

Loki pouted. "How would Prince Thor of Asgard like me to behave?"

"As yourself?" Thor said. "What do you want from me, brother?"

"I'd like a charming bed warmer," Loki said. "I'll give you a cuddle, hmm? I'll be as chaste as the snow."

"As chaste as the snow?" Thor echoed, looking for all the world as if he'd just been offered a bowl of worms.  

"Oh?" Loki said. "You don't want a wholesome romance?"

"I'm a bit puzzled?" Thor said. "What are you... why are you... I'm simply happy to be reunited with my brother? Even my brother's twin is my brother."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Perhaps the Alltongue has failed me?"

"Failed you?" Thor said. 

"It isn't my native tongue," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "I might have lost something in translation? I can't make heads or tails of what you want from me, Prince Thor."

"I simply would like your company?" Thor said. 

"Aye," Loki said. "But what would you do with my company? You won't allow me into your bed?"

"I'd rather invite you to sit beside me at the local campfire?" Thor said. 

"Bah," Loki said. "That sounds tiresome. Perhaps next decade."

"Halt!" Thor said. "Don't vanish!"

"Aye," Loki said, chuckling. "I won't vanish."

"If I allow you into my bed, will you be satisfied?" Thor said. "You will cuddle me... and be as chaste as the snow?"

"Yes?" Loki said. "Or would you rather I be as naughty as a flame?"

"Loki!" Thor said, gasping like a scandalized Catholic. "Have you been spellbound?"

"Spellbound?" Loki said. "What do you mean?"

"May I please take you back to Asgard?" Thor said. "I'd like to ask the healers to take a look at you?"

"No," Loki said, scowling. "I'm not a little fool. Everyone knows the Vikings kidnap their spouses!"

"What?!" Thor said. 

"I won't let you throw me over your shoulders like a caveman!" Loki said. "I won't be trapped on Asgard like a common concubine!"

"Halt!" Thor said. "Don't vanish, brother! Please don't teleport!"

Loki ignored this command. He used his magic to open a portal in order to leave Midgard behind. 

He'd grown tired of the Midgardian heroes in any case. Loki decided he would rather spend more time with his queen on Muspelheim. 

Frigga sent Loki to fight in a war on Jötunheimr. She said she needed Loki to fight as a Jötunn warrior. She demanded Loki abandon his Vanir disguise and grow out his white hair.

"Why must I grow my hair?" Loki said. 

"You'll end the war if you grow your hair," Frigga said. 

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said. 

"I'll even give you another growing potion," Frigga said, persuasively. "You'll be taller than the Aesir. Much taller than all of the Asgardian warriors."

"Will I be as tall as the other Jötunn warriors I'll be fighting alongside?" Loki said.

"No," Frigga said, smirking. "You'll be their smallest warrior."

Loki scowled. 

"You'll be the most lovely warrior in their clan," Frigga said. "With your hair grown long enough to step upon, I'll bind your hair into a gorgeous plait. It'll be as white as the very snow because you won't use any magic to darken it."

"Why should I go through all that trouble?" Loki said. "What will you give me as my reward?"

"I'll give you the son you lost," Frigga said. 

Loki squinted at her. 

"Remember the small Jötunn you wanted to adopt?" Frigga said. "He is your doppelganger in every way. He is your rightful son. Did you forget him?"

"I haven't forgotten him," Loki muttered. 

"You will live as Gelid Cozen," Frigga said. "You will blend in with the people of Jötunheimr. Live with them for a full decade and grow your hair out. Then, when my husband sends his Asgardian warriors to fight against the Frost Jötunns, you will fight against Asgard. You will win the war for Jötunheimr. Once you've won the war, I will return your son to you. Is this not worth the trouble?"

Loki sighed. 

"You're a fierce warrior," Frigga said. "You'll be the smallest warrior among the Frost Jötunns, but even so you will be the man to win the war."

"I don't believe you," Loki said. "You aim to send me off to my death? Have you grown tired of me, mistress?"

"No, darling," Frigga said. "I'm very fond of you."

"Lies," Loki said. "What do you want, Frigga? Tell me what you will gain, or I won't fight for Jötunheimr."

"Very well," Frigga said. "I will gain the entire kingdom of Asgard. My husband will be disgraced when he loses the war with Jötunheimr." 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Did the Oracle of Delphi tell you I would win the war if I grew my hair out? Why is that silly Oracle so obsessed with my white hair?"

"She has named you Gelid the Fair," Frigga said. "She believes you are the most beautiful Jötunn to have ever lived." 

Loki rolled his yes. 

"Please do as I ask?" Frigga said. "You will only spend a single decade living on Jötunheimr. At the end of your decade, you will win your son."

"Aye," Loki said, warily. "Or die trying."

"Yes," Frigga said. "Are you willing to take the risk?"

Loki groaned. 

"Do it for your son, hmm?" Frigga said. 

"Fine!" Loki said. "But if I die in the war, you had better look after my son in my place!"

"Aye," Frigga said. "I'll protect him. I'll keep him safe."

"He'd better be spoiled the way a prince of Vanaheim ought to be spoiled," Loki growled. "Else my ghost will haunt you!"

"Yes, Loki," Frigga said. "I know this well."

"See that you heed my words, witch," Loki said, quietly. "If you make an enemy of me, you will rue the day."

"I know, Loki," Frigga said. "I won't make an enemy of you."

"See that you don't," Loki said, imperiously. "Else you will lose your head!"

"Aye aye," Frigga said. "Please spend your decade on Jötunheimr. I'll see you once you've won the war."

"Those that live will see," Loki muttered.

He traveled to Jötunheimr, as he was bid, and won the war. It was a strange victory, however. He did not slay a single Asgardian warrior. 

Instead of slaying them, Loki inadvertently won their pity when he tripped over his own hair during the battle. 

It was humiliating, but Frigga got exactly what she wanted. The war with Jötunheimr was ended because Prince Thor threw his hammer into the snow and refused to fight the Jötunn warriors. 

It was the most baffling war Loki had ever witnessed. It was also the shortest war he had ever witnessed. None of the warriors lost their lives. The Jötunns who had pledged themselves to the war were relieved, but they were also amused. They whistled at Loki whenever they saw him and heaped fur coats and jewels onto his head while loudly declaring that Gelid the Fair was the most enchanting Jötunn that the nine realms had ever seen. 

It was irritating, but the gifts were enjoyable. There was nothing Loki loved more than fur coats and jewels. He wore them. 

Why wouldn't he wear them?

He was a prince. He deserved to wear them. None would argue otherwise. Not even the small Jötunn that Loki adopted would argue that Loki was not royalty. He said Prince Gelid Cozen was a noble man who would sit upon the throne of Jötunheimr one day. 

It was a pleasant enough thought. Loki enjoyed it when his son flattered him in this way. He likewise told his son that he would one day sit upon the throne of Muspelheim. 

The two of them were in agreement on this topic, if nothing else.  

Frigga said Midgard was the key to Thor's heart. In order to seduce the Prince of Asgard, Loki needed to charm the people of Midgard. 

It seemed simple enough. There was a fad on Midgard surrounding the demi-gods that the Midgardians called heroes. 

Loki would simply fashion himself after these Midgardian heroes and then win Thor's heart. Once he'd done this, he would become one of Thor's political consorts. 

With Loki's influence over the God of Thunder, Frigga of Vanaheim would gain more power over the King of Asgard. She would use this power to dismiss the rest of Odin's consorts and concubines. 

They would say King Odin had fallen madly in love with Queen Frigga. They would say he loved her so ardently, he no longer felt the need to share a bed with any other. 

That was the plan. 

However, things went awry when Thor became the Aesir to fall madly in love. Instead of dismissing King Odin's consorts and concubines, Loki inadvertently dismissed all of Prince Thor's consorts and concubines. 

When he consulted Queen Frigga for a solution, she merely shrugged her shoulders and said, "This is even more useful."

"How is it more useful?" Loki said. "I didn't want to be the sole consort to the God of Thunder! I simply wanted my queen to be named the Allmother."

"I'll still be named Allmother," Frigga said, nodding wisely. "I'll still be placed on Asgard's throne as their queen, but you must behave yourself as a good son in law ought to behave himself, hmm? If you upset Prince Thor, I'll lose my throne."

"I thought he would have a harem!" Loki said, angrily. "I thought he would be occupied with other lovers most of the time. How am I meant to keep up with him? The man is a beast in the bedroom!" 

"I thought you enjoyed beastly men?" Frigga said, raising an eyebrow.

"I enjoy beastly men who have harems!" Loki said, stomping his foot. "Why is Thor refusing to take other lovers? He's not behaving the way an Aesir man ought to behave!" 

"He loves you, darling," Frigga said. "He's enchanted with you."

"I'm just about ready to throw away the whole farce!" Loki said. "I can't do this any longer! Have you seen that Aesir's manhood? He's huge!"

"Shall I help you?" Frigga said, furtively leaning forward. 

"Help me?" Loki said. "How will you help me?"

"I'll make it easier for you," Frigga said. "An aphrodisiac, perhaps?"

"No," Loki said, flatly. 

"Won't you consider it?" Frigga said. "You've always loved the Aphrodisiac of Vampires."

"Aye," Loki said, darkly. "The vampires are good fun on special occasions, but I'm not a fool. I wouldn't dare lay with a vampire every single night. I'd lose my life!"

"You won't lose your life," Frigga said. "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

"Yes you have!" Loki said, disdainfully. "I still remember that nonsense with all of Freya's randy brothers. I won't see history repeat itself!"

"This won't be an orgy," Frigga said, with the air of a woman who thought herself generous. "You only need to worry about Prince Thor. He's one man."

"He's a giant man!" Loki said. "He's enormous!" 

"What if I give you a growth potion?" Frigga said. "I'll help you grow taller?"

Loki grinned. "Truly?"

"Yes," Frigga said. "Would you like to be a tall man?"

"Yes, I would!" Loki said. "Give me a growth potion, woman! Else I'll lose my head!"

"Very well," Frigga said. "But I would prefer it if you don't overreach. Please allow me to leave you shorter than Thor himself? Just a bit shorter than him."

"That's fine," Loki said. "I ought to be taller anyway. Vanaheim stunted my growth with its gravity. A Jötunn of my age ought to be twice as tall as Thor!"

"But you'll be shorter than Thor," Frigga said. "Just a bit shorter than him. I won't allow you to grow taller than him."

"Very well," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "I live to serve the Vanir Queen. Whatever she demands of her djinn will be granted."

"Don't speak in this way, darling," Frigga said. "You'll see me weeping in my garden."

"As if I give a toss?" Loki said. "I'd love to see you weeping in your garden."

Frigga giggled as if he'd just told a brilliant joke. 

Loki smirked, despite himself, and was pleased when Frigga finally gave him a growth potion. 

What followed was a painful few weeks of burning muscles, but it was worth the trouble. When the growing was done, Loki was much taller than he had been. 

For his part, Thor was pleased by Loki's growth spurt. He congratulated Loki on the height and held Loki all the closer. 

When he wasn't keeping Thor occupied in the Asgardian bedchamber, Loki would visit Midgard and don his hero costume. The Midgardians called him Loki Wordsmith and were pleased when he and the God of Thunder popped down for a visit. 

As she predicted, Frigga was eventually elevated to Asgard's throne. Asgard worshipped her as the Allmother and they were told that King Odin had dismissed his harem. 

Odin didn't actually dismiss his harem, but he was willing to pretend for Frigga's sake. He knew her public image was very important to her.

Thor himself didn't want a harem. He never even looked at any of the maidens who would throw themselves at him. 

This was puzzling behavior from an Aesir of Thor's status, but Loki learned to live with it. 

It was easier to tolerate, now that he was taller. 

Loki was on holiday with a Valkyrie when Frigga asked him to seduce a centaur. She appeared in his bedchamber with a puff of orange smoke and laughed when Loki's lover shrieked in fright. 

"It's alright!" Loki said. "She's the Queen of Asgard!"

The Valkyrie immediately jumped out of Loki's bed and knelt on the ground with her head bowed. 

"I will faithfully serve the Queen of Asgard!" the Valkyrie declared, reverently. "Bid me to fight and I will raise my sword, my queen!" 

"Thank you, dear," Frigga said. "But will you put your sword away and leave this place? I need to speak to my son in law."

"Yes, my queen!" the Valkyrie said. 

She was only wearing a nightgown, but the Valkyrie quickly stood up and ran out of Loki's bedchamber. 

Apparently, she wasn't concerned about the people that might catch a glimpse of her in her nightgown. Loki was concerned, but he could do nothing to stop her. He didn't want any tongues wagging, but was too late to call the Valkyrie back. Loki could only sigh.

He knew the Aesir would soon call him unfaithful to his husband.

"Could you have possibly picked a better time?" Loki said, frowning at Frigga. "Why did you appear before me in the dead of night like a conniving witch?"

"Because I'm a conniving witch," Frigga said, with an aggressive grin. 

"Out with it," Loki said. "What do you want this time?"

"The centaurs of Greece are visiting Asgard," Frigga said, conspiratorially. "I want you to seduce one of them."

"Why on Jupiter's green meadow would I do a silly thing like that?" Loki said. "Have you seen the size of those centaurs? They're massive!" 

"I'll help you," Frigga said. "I'll give you an aphrodisiac."

"Why are you so obsessed with aphrodisiacs?" Loki said. "You're worse than Venus herself!" 

"I'm an Oracle!" Frigga said. "I had a vision!"

"To hell with your visions!" Loki said. "I won't lay with a centaur! Do I look like a fool? I'd lose my life!"

"You won't lose your life, honey," Frigga said. "You're a powerful Frost Jötunn. You and I both know that your people are shape shifters."

"You'll have me turn myself into a mare?" Loki said. 

"If that's what you must do," Frigga said. "Yes. I would ask you to turn yourself into a mare."

"To what end?" Loki said. 

"My husband has gotten himself into a bit of financial trouble," Frigga said. "He owes the centaurs payment for their work building Asgard's Great Wall."

"Why is that my problem?" Loki said, casually examining his own French manicure like a man of leisure. "I won't lift a finger to help your husband. You should be the one to seduce a centaur, if you'd like to help him."

"The centaurs are infatuated with my daughter," Frigga said, with a sulky pout. "Would you see Princess Freya carried off by a randy centaur?"

"Nice try," Loki said, sneering. "You and I both know Freya is a powerful sorceress. She can defend her own virtue."

"But she loves to be rescued by Prince Loki," Frigga said, playfully kneeling beside Loki's bed and putting her hands together like a supplicant before a priest. "Won't you play your part, Prince Loki? My daughter misses her ex-husband."

"Sure she does," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Tell me the truth, Frigga. What are you after? I won't lift a finger unless you give me the gods honest truth."

Frigga huffed. 

"Or perhaps I'll refuse to lift a finger even if you give me the truth," Loki said, chuckling. "Why should I bother? I'm a favored consort of Asgard. If you dare to cast me out, Thor will smite you with his lightning."

"I fear your head has gotten too big, this decade," Frigga said. 

But she remained knelt beside his bed. 

This gesture of humility was enough to peek Loki's interest. 

"Come now," Loki said, persuasively. "Won't you tell me what my Allmother is seeking? I might help my queen if she pursues a worthy endeavor."

"I had a vision," Frigga whispered, glancing away from him.

"Aye?" Loki said. "Share your vision, woman!"

Frigga glanced back at him, coyly looking up at him from beneath her lashes. 

"Well?" Loki said. 

"The people will one day call you the Mother of Monsters," Frigga said. "They will grant you this title when you sire children with one man from each of the nine realms."

"One man from each of the nine realms?" Loki said, scoffing. "Have you gone mad?"

"I haven't gone mad, Loki," Frigga said. "You're a powerful Jötunn, are you not? You have a fertile womb."

"Do you have any idea how long it would take to carry a halfblooded centaur to full term?" Loki said, incredulously. "Do you expect me to spend the entire pregnancy as a mare?"

"If you must?" Frigga said. 

"I don't have enough magic for that, you crazy woman!" Loki shouted. "I wouldn't be able to remain as a mare for the whole pregnancy! I would only be able to hold the form of a horse for the act itself! Then I would shape shift back into myself and be trapped with a halfblooded centaur in my womb!"

"I'll help you with the pregnancy," Frigga said. 

"I would die in childbirth!" Loki screamed. 

"No," Frigga said. "I had a vision. You'll survive."

"Malarkey!" Loki said. "You and I both know you're no more a psychic than you are the wife of a monogamous marriage! If you were truly an Oracle you would have known that I don't have enough magic to remain shape shifted as a horse for longer than a day!" 

"Very well!" Frigga said, furiously. "I'm a sham! I'm not an Oracle!"

"And so the woman finally admits it," Loki said, scowling. "Why are you such a mad witch? Why would you want a bastard centaur for a grandson?"

"Because there's a prophecy!" Frigga said. 

"You just admitted to lying about being an Oracle!" Loki shrieked. "Which is it? Is there a prophecy or isn't there?"

"The Oracle of Delphi told me Prince Loki would be the Mother of Monsters!" Frigga shouted. "I'm only a faithful worshipper of Delphi!"

"Hades in a handbasket!" Loki yelled. "Why the hell would Delphi want me to produce halfling monsters?"

"Please calm down?" Frigga said. "We might reach an arrangement that satisfies all parties?"

"Is this your way of telling me that you have no idea?" Loki said. 

"It is not for me to know," Frigga said, primly. 

"Would you stand up?" Loki said. "Stop kneeling at my bedside. Attempting to humble yourself is more laughable than attempting to call yourself an Oracle."

Huffing, Frigga stood back up. Then she sat down on the bed beside him and put an arm over his shoulder. 

"I love you, Loki," Frigga said. "I want what's best for you."

"Malarkey," Loki muttered. 

But he allowed her to cuddle him. He allowed her to pull his head down onto her shoulder and run her fingers through his hair. 

"What if we start with an easier target?" Frigga said. "Have a child with an Atlantean werewolf?" 

"You think I'd survive that?" Loki said. "Don't the werewolves have their children in large litters?"

"Yes, but they'll be litters of half Jötunn wolves," Frigga said. "I know you'll be fine."

"I don't believe a single word out of your mouth, woman," Loki said. "You'll be the death of me."

"Come now," Frigga said. "It'll only be a decade of childbearing."

Loki sprang away from her. 

"A decade of childbearing?" Loki hissed. "Do I look like a broodmare to you?"

"You're an Asgardian consort, Loki!" Frigga said. "This is what you must do!"

"Is that so?" Loki said, bitterly. "And when will you lay with a centaur, Queen Frigga?"

"You haven't even given Prince Thor a child!" Frigga said, angrily. "Why haven't you given him an heir?"

"He doesn't need an heir!" Loki said. "He hasn't even taken the throne! You and I both know he'll be an eternal prince for centuries!"

"You should still give him a child," Frigga said. "Don't you think Thor will be pleased to receive a child?"

"Let me guess," Loki said. "First you suggest centaurs and werewolves, to frighten me, and then you remind me that having an Aesir child will be much easier in comparison?"

Frigga smirked. 

"Why are you such a vile woman?" Loki said. 

"Why are you such a stubborn Jötunn?" Frigga retorted. 

"I'm going to lay with a centaur just to spite you!" Loki bellowed. "I'll have children with every species in the nine realms apart from the Vanir and the Aesir! Just to spite you! I'll never have a child with Thor because you've made an enemy of me, Queen Frigga!" 

After making this rather dramatic pronouncement, Loki used his magic to teleport. 

He chose to teleport into the Palace of Concubines, where King Odin kept his favored lovers. 

The women welcomed Loki with open arms. They were always happy to receive a visit from him. 

Most of them were vampires. 

While he was still high out of his mind on the Aphrodisiac of Vampires, Loki shape shifted into a mare and visited the centaurs of Greece. 

They were just as happy to receive a visit. 

The rest is history. 

Loki gave birth to a magical horse which became King Odin's steed. The horse was half centaur and half Jötunn. It was magical, powerful, and immortal. 

This child outlived Odin himself. 

As for Thor, he simply accepted the fact that Loki was refusing to give him a child. He was the most polite Aesir that Loki had ever encountered. Thor merely said, "I will not ask you for a child. If you don't want to give me a child, I will not ask for one."

"Good," Loki said. "I refuse to give you one!"

"Very well, Loki," Thor said. "Will you give me a hug instead?"

Laughing, Loki gave the man a hug. 

Whenever Thor wanted a bed warmer, Loki would give him a bed warmer. 

When Thor wanted a dance partner, Loki gave him a dance partner. 

When Thor was randy, it was easy enough to give him a lover. 

Loki enjoyed being Thor's lover. 

The only thing he didn't enjoy was the mother in law he had to tolerate. 

However, before long, Frigga died a natural death. It was a tidy end to a tumultuous century. 

With the Allmother finally out of the way, Loki was free to become the new Queen of Asgard. Thor was happy to take his place as the King of Asgard.

He even allowed Loki to make most of the political decisions concerning the nine realms. 

It was a good marriage, as far as Loki was concerned. His best marriage, to date.

They garnered a lot of criticism, especially from foreign dignitaries, but they simply ignored this criticism and carried on with their monarchy. 

And the people of Asgard enjoyed a prosperous century. 

Chapter Text

Wanda Maximoff was an intriguing foe. She had a way of plastering a smile on her face that was at once heartwarming and deeply chilling. 

Today, she had dressed herself as a suburban mother of two. She simply wore blue jeans and a yellow cardigan over a white V-neck t-shirt. 

Similarly, Loki had dressed himself casually. He wore a tweed jacket, khaki pants, and a navy blue button up shirt. 

Thor stood beside them while wearing black jeans and a hoodie. He'd tied his hair back into a partial updo. 

"We come in peace, Scarlet Witch," Thor said, with a careful smile. "Might you allow my brother to pass? He will not harm the people of Earth."

"Aye," Loki said, with an aggressive grin. "I will not harm the people of Earth."

"Oh?" Wanda said. "I don't care about the people of Earth."

Loki chuckled. "A likely story. We know you've aligned yourself with the Avengers, Scarlet Witch. We won't be fooled."

"What my brother means to say," Thor said, while harshly patting Loki on the back. "Is that we would also like to align ourselves with the Avengers. Isn't that right, Loki?"

Loki rolled his eyes. 

Thor gave him a stern frown. 

Loki sighed. 

"Aye," Loki said. "I would like to align myself with the Avengers."

"Do the two of you need a place to live?" Wanda said, while grinning from ear to ear. 

Loki found this wide smile to be unsettling, but Thor beamed at the woman as if he'd just been offered the keys to New York City. 

"Yes," Thor said. "Might we seek sanctuary within Avengers Tower? We will be useful heroes. We will battle against any that would dare disrupt the public good?"

"We will be loyal dogs," Loki said, bitterly. "We will direct our weapons against S.H.I.E.L.D.'s enemies and we'll mussel ourselves whenever Nick Fury commands it."

Wanda rewarded these promises with a dainty little giggle. She was a poor actress. It was clear to Loki that Wanda was a powerful woman who was attempting to put them at ease with her pretend cheerfulness. 

"I'll make sure you're well treated," Wanda said. "I'll give you boys a joint suite. You'll share a connecting bathroom so you can visit each other in your bedrooms whenever you like."

Thor grinned. "Aye?"

Loki scowled. "Must we share a bathroom?"

"Be reasonable, brother," Thor said. "The people of Earth are offering us their hospitality. We should be grateful." 

"I'm very grateful, of course," Loki said, huffing. "Considering our entire planet was burned to a cinder, we should count ourselves lucky that we haven't yet begun begging on the streets."

"Oh my goodness," Wanda said. "Were you worried you wouldn't be hirable? Did you run out of money, Loki?"

"I'm a rich man!" Loki shouted, angrily. "My gold is boundless!"

"Please behave yourself, Loki!" Thor said. "We don't want to offend the Avengers!"

"To hell with the Avengers!" Loki said. "We should try our luck in Oklahoma!" 

"You aren't allowed in that state anymore, brother!" Thor said. 

"What?" Loki said. "Since when have I been banned from the state of Oklahoma?"

Thor warily glanced at Wanda, laughed nervously, and then said, "Might we discuss this later, Loki?"

Loki closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and firmly told himself to hold his temper. 

"Now, now," Wanda said, reaching up to condescendingly pat Loki's head. "We all want the same thing, yes? We want to ally ourselves and work together as superheroes?"

"Don't touch me," Loki hissed. "I'll cut your hand off!"

Wanda didn't heed this warning. Instead of removing her hand from his head, she made a point of firmly petting him. She ran her fingers through his raven locks and then grasped him by the back of the neck. 

Loki blinked at her, puzzled by this treatment. 

"Please don't touch my brother?" Thor said. "He might stab you with his knives."

Once again, Wanda ignored the warning. 

Abruptly, she pulled Loki into a rather aggressive hug. 

Shocked by the daring move, Loki simply allowed himself to be hugged. He didn't know how to react, so he failed to react. He failed to cut the woman's hand off and he failed to stab her with one of his knives. 

Before he could gather his composure, Wanda placed her lips against his ear and ominously whispered, "I'm going to adopt you."

Loki used his magic to teleport out of her grasp. He placed himself directly behind Thor like a cowardly little dog. 

This woman is dangerously powerful! Loki thought. She has no fear because she knows I'm a bug beneath her boots!

At least Thor was a good shield brother. He quickly activated his Thunder Magic and allowed himself to glow with threatening light. 

"Please do not touch my brother," Thor said, sternly. "If he asks you not to touch him, you must not touch him. You may only touch him when he permits it."

Wanda pouted at Thor like a young woman who had been denied an expensive box of chocolates. 

"Your brother is adorable," Wanda said. "I would like to give him some TLC."

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said. 

"You remind me of my son," Wanda said, with a toothy grin. "I'll be a good mother, hmm? I'll be your fairy godmother."

"No you will not!" Loki said. "I am the second son of Odin! I will not be pitied as if I'm some common street urchin!" 

Thor was still glowing with Thunder Magic. He stood tall in front of Loki and simply said, "Perhaps we should venture to Norway, brother?"

"Excellent suggestion, Thor," Loki said. "We will go to Norway! To hell with the Americans!" 

However, before they could flee to Norway, Iron Man made an appearance. He flew over their heads in his red and golden suit of armor and then flamboyantly posed as he landed on the ground beside them. 

With his helmet firmly closed over his head, Iron Man said, "Halt in the name of the law!"

"Who the hell are you?" Loki shouted. "I know Tony Stark died in the war with Thanos! Who are you and why are you impersonating Tony Stark?"

"I'm not impersonating Tony Stark," Iron Man said. "I'm just his replacement, you know? I'm the new Iron Man."

"Bugger off!" Loki shrieked. 

"Please calm yourself, Loki!" Thor said. "We must not offend the people of Earth!"

"To hell with Earth!" Loki screamed. "Let's just go back to the Grandmaster's planet!"

"No!" Thor said. "That disgusting man will treat you like one of his djinn!"

"I'd rather be a djinn than put up with this nonsense!" Loki said. "I've had it up to here with these naughty Terrans and their stupid machines!"

"Tell us how ya really feel, Twinkle Toes," Iron Man said, while laughing through his helmet. 

"Please don't leave?" Wanda said. "I'll restrain myself from touching you, from now on."

"You'd better!" Loki said. "Else I'll lose my head!" 

"How many times are we going to do this?" Iron Man said. "I'm really getting tired of this whole song and dance. Can we skip to the good part?"

"Please remove your helmet, Stark," Thor said. 

Iron Man lifted his helmet's mask to reveal the familiar face of Tony Stark. 

Loki frowned at him. 

"Oh," Loki said. "I'm still on the Chitauri planet, aren't I?"

"No, brother," Thor said. "Thanos is dead. Truly. He is gone."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Then I must be on Dame Gothel's planet."

"No, Loki," Wanda said. "You're on Terra. This is Earth. This is Midgard."

"Do you people take me for a fool?" Loki said. 

Thor snuffed out his Thunder Magic and turned to face Loki. He carefully held his arms open, palms up, and anxiously smiled. 

"You must be a shape shifter," Loki said, to Thor. "You almost fooled me. But I won't be tricked. You are not Thor Odinson!"

"I'm not a shape shifter," Thor said. "Please allow me to help you, brother?"

"I'm not one of your imbecilic soldiers!" Loki bellowed. "I won't be pacified with the face of my loved ones!"

"I love you more than Hades loves Persephone!" Thor said, with the air of a man who was about to watch Asgard burn to the ground for a second time. "I love you more than I love every star in the sky, Loki!"

"Silence!" Loki said. "You're an imposter! My Thor is clearly a dead man!"

"I didn't die in the war, Loki!" Thor shouted. "You're the man who died in the war! It was you that died!"

"Let me guess," Loki said, sneering. "You traveled to the underworld and saved me from the very jaws of death?"

"No," Thor said. "There is no such thing as an underworld. Valhalla, as we once thought of it, is a fiction. The planet which was named after this fictional heaven is currently functioning as a political prison. You spent a decade on that planet because Thanos wanted to punish you for your failure to conquer Terra."

Loki raised an eyebrow. 

"You realize the real Thor wouldn't be aware of any of that?" Loki said. "By showing yourself to be an intelligent man, you have proven yourself a shape shifter!"

Thor sighed. 

"Does that mean he's going to accuse me of being a shape shifter too?" Iron Man said. "Cause I'd be super offended by that. I'm totally the real Tony Stark."

"No you aren't, Stark," Thor said. "You're a clone of the real Tony Stark."

"Nope," Iron Man said. "I'm a variant. I wasn't cloned in a lab. I dodged my death with time travel."

"Oho," Loki said. "Is that the tale you've sold to the masses?"

"Can't we just sit down inside Avengers Tower?" Wanda said. "We'll get you a mug of hot coco and we'll sit down in front of the fireplace, hmm?"

"I'm not a child!" Loki shouted. "I won't be pacified by hot coco and a fireplace!"

"Yes you will," Wanda said. "You're my child. I've decided to adopt you. Therefore, you will march your butt inside and you will let me give you hot coco."

Loki huffed. 

"Please don't run from me, brother," Thor said. "If you'd like to leave this place, take me with you."

"I'm not your brother!" Loki yelled. "I was never your brother in the first place, Thor! Your mother fooled you with Memory Magic!"

"Aye," Thor said. "And then I sought a mage who removed the spellwork."

"Sure you did!" Loki said. "I'm not one of your blind worshippers! I won't be charmed like a snake before a lute!"

"You sound like Lady Sif," Thor said, smirking. 

This comment startled a laugh out of Loki. He quickly stifled his laughter, but it was too late. Thor was grinning at him like a man who had just conquered a planet. 

Loki squinted at Thor, suspiciously, and said, "You will leave the Avengers behind if I demand you leave them behind?"

"Yes," Thor said. "I will follow my brother the same way Apollo chases Artemis across the heavens."

Loki blushed. 

Then he scowled at his feet. 

Then he glared at Wanda Maximoff. 

"You will give Thor your hot coco," Loki said, imperiously. "I don't need hot coco. If you want to adopt a son, you will adopt Thor!"

"I understand," Wanda said, giggling. "May I give you soup? Will you eat if I give you food?"

"Very well!" Loki said. "I will eat because I am hungry!"

"Glad we've finally tamed the angry kitten," Iron Man said, rolling his eyes. "Holler if ya need me."

He closed his Iron Man helmet once more and then flew off. 

"Why the hell would the Earthlings clone Tony Stark?" Loki said, incredulously. "Did they really grieve so dolefully? They couldn't leave the man in his grave?"

"He's a very popular superhero," Wanda said. "The general public doesn't know he died in the first place. They aren't calling him a vampire because they never found out he died. Not in this timeline."

"I tire of the world walkers," Loki said. "Would you people simply put your time machines away? You've made a mess of the sacred timeline!"

"Pandora's box can't be shut once it's been opened," Wanda said, ominously. 

Loki shivered. 

"May I hug you, brother?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "You may not!"

"I fear you've caught a chill?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "I haven't!"

"Please don't vanish?" Thor said. "Don't teleport without me?"

"You still haven't proven your identity!" Loki said. "For all I know, I'm speaking with a Skrull instead of the God of Thunder!"

"A Skrull wouldn't be able to imitate my Thunder Magic," Thor said. "A Skrull wouldn't be able to fly."

"This is true," Loki said. "Knock down a tree with your lightning. Now."

Thor glanced at Wanda. 

She shrugged. 

Then Thor activated his Thunder Magic once more and knocked down the nearest tree. 

"Hades in a handbasket," Loki said. "I know well enough to know that this proves nothing. There are other ways of gaining Thunder Magic. Some mages are born with the gift, but some of them study it and gain it later in life. For all I know I'm speaking with a powerful mage who has stolen my Thor's face!"

"Even if I were a shape shifter," Thor said. "I wouldn't be able to maintain this disguise indefinitely. When I fall asleep, if I'm a shape shifter, I will revert to my natural face. Just as you yourself are blue while you sleep, Loki. Just as you yourself have white hair whenever you are asleep. Which is why you never allow yourself to fall asleep in the presence of another. You lock yourself in your bedchamber in fear that your peers might catch you in your sleep and then attack you as a Frost Giant."

"Bloody hell!" Loki said. "The real Thor wouldn't know any of that!"

Thor frowned at his feet. "I did not learn of it until recently, brother."

"I have no choice!" Loki said. "I must stay awake until you fall asleep! I must assure myself that you are the real Thor Odinson!"

"Aye," Thor said. "I will allow you to watch me until I fall asleep."

Wanda Maximoff still stood beside them with patience. She had plastered a wide smile on her face. 

"I demand a bedchamber," Loki told her, while mimicking her wide smile. "You will give me and this man a bedchamber. We will concern ourselves with soup and hot coco at a later time."

"If that's what you'd like," Wanda said. "Please sleep well, Loki. If you have any nightmares, don't hesitate to call out for me. I'll help you chase away the nightmares."

"I don't need help with nightmares!" Loki said. "I simply need a bed to sleep in!"

Wanda nodded. 

Then she led them into Avengers Tower. They rode up the elevator until they reached the fifth floor. 

She pointed towards one of the doors in the hallway and Loki marched into the bedchamber with his hand firmly upon Thor's shoulder, dragging the big man along with him.

Thor allowed himself to be dragged. 

Then Loki shoved Thor onto the bed. 

"Sleep!" Loki demanded. "I must verify your identity!" 

"I cannot simply force myself to sleep at the drop of a hat?" Thor said. 

"Yes you can!" Loki said. "Go to sleep!"

"I'll do my best?" Thor said. 

He stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes, but then he opened one of his eyes and peeked back out at Loki. 

"Will you lay down beside me?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "Why would I cuddle an imposter?"

"Because I might not be an imposter?" Thor said. "I might be the man you have always known and loved?"

"I won't touch you until I've confirmed that you're the real Thor!" Loki said. "Why would I risk my neck on a fantasy?"

"I'm not a fantasy," Thor said. "I'm simply older than the man you once knew. I know more than I did in my youth. That's the only difference."

"I'm not to be trifled with," Loki hissed. "I will not rest until I've found my Thor. The real Thor!"

"You've already found me," Thor said, softly. "But I will wait, Loki. I will do my best to sleep. Might you assist me? Give me a sleeping potion?" 

"Oh?" Loki said. "You'd allow me to feed you a potion?"

"Yes," Thor said. "I will drink whatever I'm handed."

"You would risk being poisoned?" Loki said. 

"I trust you with my life, Loki," Thor said. "I know you wouldn't risk poisoning the true Thor. Not until you had confirmed I was an imposter?"

Loki groaned. 

Then he used his magic to summon a sleeping potion out of his pocket dimension. 

Without a word, he handed it to Thor. 

Fearlessly, Thor drank the potion. 

Once the man was asleep, Loki simply stood there intently studying his face. The man was indeed older than he had been when Loki knew him best. He had lost an eye in the war with Thanos. He wore a prosthetic in the eye socket. 

Loki had once found a prosthetic eye in the wreckage of a burnt down Academy mansion while frantically running though a war torn New York. 

The entire planet had been littered with corpses. None of the people of Earth had survived, in that timeline. 

He'd left that timeline behind. 

Now Loki wondered if the prosthetic eye he'd found had belonged to Thor. He hadn't found Thor's body amongst the dead Midgardians. Perhaps the Thor variant from that timeline was still alive. Perhaps he'd simply dropped his prosthetic while battling against the army that worshipped Thanos. 

Loki sighed. 

There was no point theorizing about the Thor variant he had lost. The man in front of him was not the same Thor variant that Loki had once known, but he was still Thor Odinson. 

There would be differences, but they would be minor differences. 

Perhaps Loki's original Thor was alive, but perhaps he was dead. There was no way to know. 

With this thought in mind, Loki decided to get into Thor's bed. He placed his head on Thor's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Thor's waist. 

Sleep took eons to find him, but it eventually pulled him under. Loki did not use a sleeping potion because he had a limited supply. 

They were better saved for emergencies. 

When Loki woke, Thor was still in the bed with him. He was awake and softly running his fingers through Loki's hair. 

He did not seem to mind the fact that Loki's hair was white. He did not look at all bothered by the fact that he was embracing a Frost Giant. 

Still, Loki used his magic to fix himself. He darkened his hair and lightened his skin as soon as he was awake enough to do so. 

Thor didn't comment on this. He simply continued to pet Loki's hair. 

They remained tucked away in the bedchamber for several hours, but eventually Loki's stomach began to protest. He needed to eat. Thor probably needed to eat as well, so Loki forced himself to get out of the bed. 

They ventured into the Avengers cafeteria and were cheerfully served a humble meal by the mortals who worked in the staff kitchen. The other Avengers employees smiled in Thor's direction when they spotted him. 

Loki felt assured that none would attack him so long as he was beside Thor. 

Thor would protect him. 

He could always be trusted to be protective. 

At one point, Loki and Thor were eating in the Avengers cafeteria when the Tony Stark doppelganger sat down across from them.

"Do you have any idea how many Loki variants there are?" Stark said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm seriously asking. We've found a bus load, but we keep finding more."

"No," Loki said. "I have no idea how many there are."

"Why are there so many, huh?" Stark said. "I get that the timeline started branching when the original Tony Stark heroically sacrificed himself in the war with Thanos, but why are there so freakin' many of your Loki variants? There's only one Stark variant per timeline, but then there's at least ten Loki variants in every single timeline!"

"Ten Loki variants per timeline?" Loki said, tilting his head. "You're exaggerating."

"I wish he was exaggerating, brother," Thor said, sighing. "Alas, he is not exaggerating."

"I'm not all knowing," Loki said. "What I know is simply what I've witnessed. What I know is simply what I've seen with my own eyeballs. I haven't seen any Loki variants."

"You were never snatched up by the TVA and accused of crimes against the sacred timeline?" Stark said. "They tried to zap me with one of their lightsabers. I dodged it and got the hell away from them, but I saw them use it on a woman and she disappeared. It was like she dissolved."

"Oh?" Loki said. "You fear for your life, Stark?"

"Sure," Stark said, smirking. "You gonna protect me, Reindeer Games?"

"Of course not," Loki said, smirking back. "Why would I bother?" 

"I like this one," Stark said, to Thor. "Can we keep him?"

"Behave yourself, Stark," Thor said. "My brother is not a pet."

"Aren't I?" Loki said, sneering. "I'm told Jötunns make wonderful pets."

"I'll be a good master," Stark said, waggling his eyebrows. "Come to the dark side and I'll give you tea and crumpets."

Loki laughed.  

"Listen here, Tony Stark," Thor said, with the air of a man who was speaking to a naughty child. "You will not stalk my brother. You will not spy on him with your machines."

"Too late, Pointbreak," Stark said, chuckling. 

"You will turn off your machines," Thor said. 

"Nope," Stark said. "That's not going to happen."

"Settle down, Thor," Loki said. "Let the man enjoy his surveillance. It does not trouble me."

"It should trouble you," Thor muttered. 

"You heard the man, blondie," Stark said. "I've got permission to be a peeping Tom."

"That's not what he said!" Thor said. 

"Bah," Loki said. "I'm used to such treatment. All of the nine realms is well aware that the Trickster must be watched at all times. Lest I betray my allies."

"There ya have it," Stark said. "I'm gonna watch the hell out of you, Twinkle Toes. So you better behave yourself."

"Aye aye," Loki said, imitating the military salute he'd seen Midgardians using with each other. 

Stark leaned forward and grabbed an apple off of Loki's cafeteria plate. He made a show of taking a large bite out of it and Loki was amused enough by the posturing to treat Stark to his most beautiful smile. 

Then Stark nearly choked on the food in his mouth. 

"He's too old for you, Stark!" Thor shouted. "You must not fancy my brother!"

"Pardon?" Loki said. 

Stark coughed, cleared his throat, and said, "I'm married, dumbass!"

"I care not!" Thor said. "You will behave yourself!" 

"Calm down, brother," Loki said. "I fear you've misunderstood Midgardian culture?"

"I misunderstood nothing!" Thor said. "You are the one who has misunderstood, Loki!" 

Now Stark was laughing. He simply laughed until he was red in the face with his mirth. 

"What did I misunderstand, you foolish warrior?" Loki said. "Please explain it to me, brother, so that I might correct my faux pax?"

Stark continued cackling like a man who was watching a divine comedy. 

"You did nothing wrong, Loki," Thor said, while scowling at Stark. "It is this man here who is as naughty as a randy werewolf!" 

"That's a new one!" Stark said, still chortling. "I'm a werewolf? I'll take it!"

"It isn't a compliment, Stark!" Thor said. "I've insulted your honor!"

"Insult me again, Lancelot," Stark said, with an aggressive grin. "I dare you."

"Settle down!" Loki said. "You must not upset the people of Earth, brother!"

"They must not upset me either!" Thor said. 

"I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds alone, now," Stark said, winking directly at Loki. "But you let me know if you need a bed warmer, princess. I'll be happy to help you."

"What?" Loki said. 

"I will be the man to warm his bed!" Thor shouted. "No one else is permitted to do so! Only I!"

Loki squinted at Thor. 

"How old are you, Thor?" Loki said. 

"I'm older than you!" Thor said. 

"Is that so?" Loki said. "I don't believe you."

Thor pouted at him. It was a familiar look. The very same pout that Thor would put on whenever his brother was about to leave on a holiday without him. 

"Now now," Loki said. "I'll be a good uncle, hmm? I won't neglect you."

"Aha!" Thor said, with a wide grin. "I'll be a good nephew, Loki, so please don't adventure without me? Take me with you on all of your travels?"

"Very well, you silly warrior," Loki said. "I will take you with me on all of my travels."

Thor held his left out and raised an eyebrow. 

Loki tilted his head, shrugged, and then used his left hand to shake Thor's hand. 

"Excellent!" Thor said. "I will keep you safe, Loki!"

"This is heartwarming stuff, boys," Stark said. 

Thor frowned at him. "Did you not say you would leave us alone?"

"I did say that, didn't I?" Stark said. "But you guys are better than reality TV. I'm glued to my seat, you know?"

"Bugger off, Stark," Loki said, as disdainfully as possible. "You've been irritating my brother."

"Aye!" Thor said. "You've been very irritating today! Which Stark variant are you? Are you truly the man with a wife or are you the man who refuses to take the hand of Pepper Potts in holy matrimony?" 

"Why are you so obsessed with marriage, Space Viking?" Stark said. "You're being a bit too territorial, don'tcha think?"

"Nay!" Thor said. "You are the man who is being too flirtatious, Stark!" 

"Hmm," Stark said. "I'm sensing some toxic masculinity in the air?"

Loki laughed. 

Thor groaned. 

"Tell ya what," Stark said. "I'll wear a big ol' wedding ring. Will that help?"

"It won't help if you wear a fake wedding ring!" Thor said. "You've mistaken me for a fool?"

"Hah!" Loki said. "Do you hear yourself, brother?"

Thor winced. 

"I apologize?" Thor said. "I fear my brother is a bit too handsome?"

"Oh?" Loki said. "Why would you fear that? All of the nine realms is well aware that the God of Thunder is the more handsome brother?"

"I fear that is not the case, Loki!" Thor said. 

"I fear you must have gone as mad as a hat?" Loki said. "You've clearly lost your mind, brother."

"I haven't lost my mind!" Thor said. "But if I have lost my mind, it is only lost because my Loki has died in my arms too many times, this decade!"

"So much fear in the air," Stark said. "Why don't we get you boys set up with one of those couples counselors?" 

"Couples counselors?" Loki said. "What on Jupiter's green meadow are you on about now, Stark?"

"To hell with King Jupiter!" Thor shouted. "I'll kill the man!"

"Silence!" Loki said. "You mustn't spout such foolish nonsense!" 

Stark finally stood up from the table. 

"I'm not a fan of Pantheon politics," Stark said. "But let me know when you'd like to get a drink, Loki Wordsmith. I'm always happy to drink with the God of Time himself."

Loki grinned at Stark. 

"Aren't you the man who was named Father Time?" Loki said, leaning forward across the table to smile up at the man who was now standing. "Did you not invent the most brilliant time machine that Terra has ever seen?"

Loki wondered if Stark would sit back down if he made a show of batting his eyelashes.  

"That's why we've got such a wholesome bond," Stark said, while adjusting his shirt cuffs. "You and me? We're both time gods."

"Hah!" Loki said. 

"My brother will not tumble you, Stark!" Thor said, hotly. "He will only laugh at you if you truly make an attempt!" 

"Is that so?" Loki said, giggling. "I will certainly laugh, but I fear I will also tumble him."

"In your face, Thor!" Stark said, with a shit eating grin. "I'm a catch!" 

"Please don't joke, brother," Thor said, with a put upon pout. "You will break this mortal's heart if you play with him."

"Bah," Loki said. "There is nothing I love more than breaking the hearts of mortals."

As soon as Loki said this, the other people who were eating in the cafeteria began loudly laughing as if they'd just heard the most wonderful joke that had ever been told. 

Startled by the laughter, Loki straightened up and blinked around at them. The mortals were avoiding eye contact, but they were also blushing as if they'd been closely eavesdropping on the entire interaction. 

Loki blushed, cleared his throat, and said, "I've finished my meal."

"Halt!" Thor said. "Don't teleport, Loki!" 

Loki ignored the command. He teleported directly to the bedchamber that he had been sharing with Thor. 

He simply paced around the room and applied a few cooling charms in order to deal with the fire that had taken over his face. 

When Thor returned to the bedchamber, he was panting like a man that had just run up five flights of stairs. 

"Please don't teleport without me, Loki!" Thor shouted, after barreling into the room like an angry bull. "You said you would take me with you on your travels!"

"I haven't left the bloody country!" Loki yelled, stomping his foot. "Must I remain chained to your wrist like a dog on a leash?"

"I'm the one who would like to be a dog on a leash!" Thor said. "Please chain me up, brother! I will be a loyal dog!"

"Oho," Loki said, nervously chuckling. "Why will you be a loyal dog, Thor?"

"I love you!" Thor said, as angrily as a man who was being held at gun point. "Why do you doubt my love for you, Loki? I love you more than I love the universe! I love you more than I love my own mother! I love you more than I love the entire planet of Earth, more than I love Asgard's people, and more than I love my own hammer!"

Loki blinked at him. "Did you lose Mjölnir?" 

"Yes, I did, brother!" Thor said. "I found a woman who was strong enough to hoist Mjölnir over her own shoulder as if it weighed nothing!"

"Would you like me to help you rescue your hammer?" Loki said. 

"No!" Thor said. "I have a new hammer!"

"Where is it?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "I haven't seen your new hammer."

"Because I stored it away, Loki!" Thor said. "The war is over, Loki! I no longer need a giant hammer, Loki!" 

"I'm puzzled by your behavior," Loki said. "What do you want from me, this decade?"

"I simply want you to allow me to protect you," Thor said, softly. "Will you please allow me to stay by your side so that I may protect you?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "Will you lose your head whenever I'm out of your field of vision?"

"Yes," Thor said, looking down at his feet. "I will."

"I see," Loki said, thoughtfully. "I'll bare this in mind."

Thor looked back up with a hopeful smile. 

I suppose this is useful, Loki thought. I'll humor the big Aesir and allow him to protect me. 

"Come now," Loki said, like a gracious uncle before his nephew. "Will you come here and let me give you a hug, you silly thing?"

Indeed, Thor was as eager as the dog he so ardently wanted to be. He didn't need a leash. He had already leashed himself. 

He sprang forward and allowed Loki to gently hug him. When Loki pulled Thor onto a couch, Thor allowed himself to be pulled. When Loki gave Thor a condescending pat on the head, Thor smiled as if he were receiving a gift. 

This is very odd, Loki thought. But I know how to be a good uncle. 

The rooms they'd been given by the Avengers were generously spacious. As Wanda Maximoff had said, they'd been granted two bedchambers with a joint bathroom between them. There was also a sitting room in each of the bedchambers with couches and armchairs. 

There was a glass screen on the wall which Thor explained was a television. Thor asked Loki if he would like to hear a Midgardian tale and Loki politely agreed to this. 

They sat together on the couch with their arms around each other and watched the television. 

At one point, Wanda let herself into the bedchamber and sat on the couch with them. She placed herself directly next to Loki and leaned against him like a young woman who was starved for affection. 

Loki decided the woman deserved a reward. She'd given them their living quarters and she had vouched for them when S.H.I.E.L.D. was uncertain if they could be trusted. 

So Loki put one arm around Wanda and allowed her to enjoy some quality time with the man she had spontaneously decided to adopt. 

Heaven knows why she wants me, Loki thought. But I'm a smart man. I'll allow this powerful witch to adopt me. 

While sitting there in between Thor and Wanda, another man arrived to sit on Wanda's other side. He was a blonde man who was vaguely familiar, but Loki couldn't place him. 

It doesn't matter, Loki thought. I'll be kind to all of the people who live in Avengers Tower because they've been kind to me. 

Wanda was pleased to see this blonde man. She snaked her arm around his waist. 

The four of them simply sat there watching television. Time passed them by, peaceably, while they held themselves in this manner. A few hours, perhaps. 

"We'll be a happy family," Wanda whispered. "I've finally gotten it right, haven't I Loki?"

"Yes, Wanda," Loki said. "Good job. You've done good work."

"We're only missing your twin brother," Wanda murmured. "When I find him, I'll bring him home. He'll be very happy to see you, Loki."

"I understand," Loki said. "I will welcome him with open arms."

Loki studied Thor to see how he was reacting to all of this. 

The big man had his eyes closed. He was leaning his cheek against the top of Loki's head. 

"Does this sit well with you, Thor?" Loki said. 

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "I will welcome your twin brother with open arms."

"You'll be a good husband, won't you, Thor?" Wanda said. "I'll be a good mother in law and you will be a good husband?"

"Yes, Wanda," Thor said. "I'll be very well behaved."

Loki sighed. 

"Is something the matter?" Wanda said. 

"No," Loki said, carefully. "Nothing is the matter. You have been a very kind godmother."

"Are you sure, snowflake?" Wanda said. "Please don't hesitate to speak your mind?"

"I will not hesitate," Loki said. "If I have a gripe, I will voice it, hmm? Please rest easy."

Wanda cuddled closer to him and buried her face against the crook of his neck. Loki allowed it. He encouraged it, even, and held her tightly. 

"We'll be happy," Wanda said, plaintively. "Won't we be happy, honey?"

"Yes," Loki said, breathlessly. "We will be a very happy family."

The blonde man on Wanda's other side was carefully smiling at his knees. He didn't say a word. Perhaps he didn't dare. 

"We will be very very happy," Loki whispered. "We will be superheroes. We will make ourselves into productive members of society."

"Yes, sweetie," Wanda said. "That is exactly what we will do."

Chapter Text

There was something wrong with Thor. The man was behaving like a wounded dog. At first, Loki chocked this up to the war. The big Aesir had lost an eye in the war with the Mad Titan, much like his father before him, and his injury had been a blow to his battle readiness. 

Initially, he had assumed Thor would recover with a bit of training. Loki simply needed to help Thor adjust to his handicapped vision, and then Thor would regain his confidence. 

That was his theory, but Loki was quickly realizing that there was another problem. 

While the two of them were walking down a hallway in Avengers Tower, a hero that Loki didn't recognize cheerfully waved at Loki and said, "How ya doin' Barty?" 

"He is not Barty!" Thor shouted. "His name is Loki!" 

"Calm yourself, brother," Loki said, with an awkward laugh. "I have no problem answering to the name Barty."

While scowling at the unknown hero, Thor said, "Have you used that name before, Loki?"

"Yes," Loki said. "I've used many names while adventuring on Midgard. You know this, Thor."

The hero in front of them, who was wearing a red costume with a facemask, giggled in delight. 

He was a thickly muscled man with various weapons strapped all over his person. Guns, swords, and even a chainsaw were haphazardly attached to his red bodysuit. 

"Does this mean you finally recognize me, Barty?" the hero said, while leaning down towards Loki. "Do you remember your ol' pal?"

Loki gave the big man a polite smile, but chose not to respond. 

"Fiddlesticks," the hero said. "Looks like I'm in the wrong movie today. Will ya help me find my peeps, Barty? You're good at that."

"No!" Thor said. "He will not help you!"

"Please calm down, Thor," Loki said, sighing. 

"Be a good hubby, Thunderer," the hero said, chuckling. "Your master told you to heel."

The Thor that Loki knew best would have challenged this hero to a duel for daring to speak in that way, but today's Thor was a meek man. He took a deep breath and nodded. 

Loki frowned at him. 

Then the hero known across the multi-verse as The Vision floated through a wall and politely asked the masked hero to follow him. 

"Yessir, captain robot!" the hero said. "Lead me towards the light!" 

The two of them walked off. They left Loki and Thor in peace, but Loki wasn't satisfied with this result. He was tempted to call them back. 

Then he glanced back towards Thor and saw the wounded look upon his face. 

"What troubles you, Thor?" Loki said. 

"Nothing troubles me," Thor said, quietly. 

"You're as timid as a mouse!" Loki said. 

Thor frowned. "Am I?"

"Yes!" Loki said. "Why are you behaving in such a... such a cowed manner?"

"Did you not ask me to be calm?" Thor said. 

"Yes, but I didn't want you to stand there like an injured dog!" Loki said. "Are you bleeding beneath your clothing or are you simply wounded in spirit?"

"Wounded in spirit?" Thor echoed. 

He began to brightly smile and chuckled as if Loki had just told a heartwarming joke. 

"This is no laughing matter!" Loki said. "Did you know that man? Is that man one of your enemies?"

"No," Thor said. "I've never laid eyes on him."

"Then why did you allow him to speak to you in that way?" Loki said. "Why did you simply stand there and take the insult?"

"Because my brother asked me to be calm," Thor said, grinning even more widely than he already had been. 

"Something is very odd here," Loki said. "I'm determined to get to the bottom of it."

"Aye?" Thor said. 

"What were your plans for the day?" Loki said. "Whatever your plans were, you must abandon them."

"I was going to follow you to Stark's lab," Thor said. "Did you not say you wanted to speak with the robots?"

"Nevermind the robots," Loki said. "This is more important!"

"What is?" Thor said. 

Loki huffed. 

There was something on the tip of his tongue, a word or a phrase, but it was escaping him. He could not articulate the concept. 

"Nevermind," Loki said. "Today, I will be the man to follow you. What would you like to do, Thor? Would you like to venture into the Avengers training room?"

"Please don't concern yourself with my vision," Thor said. "Have we not spent enough time testing my combat skills?"

"Yes," Loki said. "But I thought you loved swinging your hammer about in the training room?"

"I did when I was younger," Thor said. "But I'm older now. I'm wiser?"

"What are you on about?" Loki said. 

"Perhaps we should visit the library?" Thor said. "We might sit down together and each read a book?"

"I said I would follow you today!" Loki said. "I know full well that my brother cannot stand sitting still with books!"

"That was when I was younger, Loki!" Thor said. "I'm perfectly capable of reading in this day and age!"

"You know what?" Loki said. "It's high time we leave Avengers Tower altogether."

"You'd like to move out?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. "But we haven't left the tower itself since we moved in. We've been on every floor in this accursed building without once stepping foot outside of the building proper!"

"Would you like to explore New York?" Thor said. 

"Yes!" Loki said. "Or do you prefer to be cooped up here? Are you wary of the civilians, Thor?"

"I'm not wary," Thor said, straightening himself up proudly. "I expect we'll be smiled at? The civilians might take photos of us."

"I care not," Loki said. 

"Then we shall leave the tower," Thor said, nodding. "Where would you like to go?"

"I'll follow you," Loki said. "You decide."

"Very well, brother," Thor said. "I'll be your tour guide?"

"That's fine," Loki said. "I'd like to see you comfortable, Thor. Please be comfortable? The war is over!"

"Aye!" Thor said, laughing boisterously. "Indeed! The war is over!"

While looking as happy as a clam, Thor took Loki by the arm and cheerfully led him around New York. 

Just as he'd predicted, there were civilians who smiled and took photos of them. Thor often reacted to this by putting his arm around Loki and holding still with a bright smile. 

Loki didn't smile, but he also held still whenever the civilians wanted a photo of Thor. 

It seemed the solution to Thor's problem had been the Midgardian civilians all along. Thor was a man who needed to be worshipped. Once he was out and about with his adoring fans within view, the Thor was finally himself again.

I need to keep this in mind from now on, Loki thought. I shouldn't have neglected to think of it. 

Thor seemed happiest while they strolled through Central Park. He really was like a dog. Like a dog, he enthusiastically walked through the trees and smiled at every little bird and squirrel that he came across. 

Like a dog, Thor wouldn't take himself to the park. He needed to be escorted like a man on a leash. Loki supposed this was his responsibility now. The Warriors Three were elsewhere and so was Lady Sif. 

We must track them down, Loki thought. Thor will be even happier with his favored companions returned to him. 

"I hope you aren't scheming, brother," Thor said. "Please tell me what you're thinking?"

"I'm not thinking," Loki said. 

Thor wagged a finger at him.

"You're always thinking," Thor said, smirking. "Won't you share your thoughts with me?"

There was another civilian point a camera at them from across the park, but Thor ignored them this time. 

"I was thinking about The Warriors Three," Loki said. "Simply wondering where they've gotten off to."

"Oh?" Thor said. "They settled in Norway."

"Should we visit them?" Loki said. 

"Hmm," Thor said. "Perhaps I should ask them to visit us here?" 

"Very well," Loki said. "Do you know how to contact them?"

"Yes," Thor said. "Each of them has gotten themselves an email address."

"Email?" Loki said. "On the internet?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor said. "Would you like me to invite them to New York?"

"Yes," Loki said, nodding. "You should do that."

"Aye," Thor said. "I'll invite them. Please don't worry? None of them were injured in the war."

"I wasn't worried!" Loki said. 

"Whatever you say, brother," Thor said. 

Huffing, Loki led the way out of the park. 

Obediently, Thor followed. 

He didn't seem to mind that Loki was cutting his walk short. He was simply happy to have spent the time in front of his worshippers. 

When they returned to their bedchambers in Avengers Tower Loki locked himself in the room that was his. He'd hardly spent any time in it, preferring to sleep with Thor in Thor's bedchamber, but today he announced that he would like to take a solitary nap in his own bedchamber. 

Thor took it well. He said he would spend some time in the training room with the other heroes. 

Then the two of them went their separate ways. 

Loki didn't actually nap. He found a book and settled in to read. 

It had been ages since he'd been granted the privacy to simply read a book in peace without someone hovering over his shoulder like an anxious mother. 

It was nice. Having this privacy. 

He knew enough to know that he would be required to work as an Avengers superhero, eventually, and he would be sent off to fight in another war.

But until then, Loki was pleased for the small pleasure of a book and a bedchamber in which to read it. 

These simple pleasures made life worth living, as far as Loki was concerned. He would fight in as many wars as necessary in order to preserve this little oasis.

He would also remember to take Thor outside of the tower, on occasion, to preserve Thor's good spirits. 

It seemed simple enough, at the time. 

Later, the heroes would firmly tell him that he didn't need to fight in any wars. 

They were wrong, of course. 

There was always another war. 

It was only a matter of time. 

Chapter Text

"La Belle Savage," Frigga whispered. "That's what they'll call you, darling."

"That's a horrid name," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Why would I want to be a beautiful savage?"

"You should take advantage of your Jötunn heritage," Frigga said. "Make use of it. Don't you want to help me become Asgard's Queen?"

"I already agreed to help you," Loki said. "What are you trying to accomplish, hmm? Is this about my hair again?"

"No," Frigga said. "Prince Thor likes your new haircut. He told me you look very dashing."

"Then what are you after?" Loki said. "Speak clearly."

Frigga gave him a warm smile. 

They were sitting together in Vanaheim's garden. It was much larger than Asgard's garden. There were more trees. More greenery. More fruits freely growing with wild magic and no need for gardeners. 

"Don't you like being the Jötunn Prince?" Frigga said. "All of Asgard has fallen under your spell. They've started calling you Gelid the Fair."

"It's fine," Loki said, glancing away from her. "But I'm not Gelid the Fair. My taller twin is the true Gelid the Fair."

"Pish posh," Frigga said. "That's a technicality." 

Loki looked back at her and pouted as playfully as possible. 

Frigga giggled and pinched his cheek. 

He allowed this, for a moment, then pulled out of her grip. 

"You're so cute, honey," Frigga said. "I hope you know you're the most adorable man who's ever visited Vanaheim's halls?"

"Sure I am," Loki said. "Will you please give me clear instructions? Flattery is useless."

"Very well," Frigga said. "You already know Prince Thor is very fond of you, yes?"

"I'm aware," Loki said. "Lord knows what that mad prince wants with me."

"He'd simply like your company," Frigga said. "He would enjoy it if you spent some time with him on Asgard."

"Doing what?" Loki said.

"Whatever you'd like?" Frigga said. 

"Give me clear instructions, I said!" Loki snapped. 

Frigga sighed. 

Loki cleared his throat. 

"I apologize for losing my temper," Loki said, carefully. "Will you please give me some helpful advice, Frigga? Please?"

"Hmm," Frigga said. "You're a talented poet, are you not? Why don't you share your work with the people of Asgard?"

"No," Loki said. "They'll laugh at me."

"They loved your campfire song about King Arthur," Frigga said. "If you turn your poetry into songs, the people of Asgard will enjoy singing along with you. They also love your dancing. Dance and sing with them and the people will welcome you with open arms."

Loki thought this over. 

"I thought you said I needed to seduce one of the noblewomen on Asgard?" Loki said. "Didn't you say that?"

"Bah," Frigga said, waving this off. "I've had a new vision. We don't need the noblewomen anymore."

"Then what do we need?" Loki said. 

"Prince Thor," Frigga said. "I had a new vision about him. The man would like to adopt you into his merry men. He has a group of warriors which he calls The Warriors Three. He would like you to be his forth warrior?"

"I'm not like Gelid the Fair!" Loki said. "I'm not tall enough to be a warrior!"

"You don't need to be tall to be a skilled warrior," Frigga said. "Are you not a man who is well equipped with knives, bow and arrow, and an array of magic?"

"My magic is nothing but illusions and party tricks!" Loki said. "The Aesir will crush me beneath their boots!"

"No they won't, darling," Frigga said. "They are very fond of you. If anything, they'll protect you from all harm."

"Please speak sensibly," Loki said. "You'll have me risk my neck on a foolish adventure with the Asgardian warriors that Prince Thor has collected? I'm not about to throw my life away for queen and country!"

"What if you accompany Prince Thor's warriors as a healer mage?" Frigga said. "We'll tell them that you've been studying the healing arts under my stewardship. They will trust you to help them with their scrapes and aches, but they won't expect you to lift your own weapons?"

Loki grinned. "That suits me better."

"Very good," Frigga said, nodding firmly. "Then you'll spend some time on Asgard with Prince Thor and his men?"

"Aye," Loki said. "Shall I take a decade's holiday with them?"

"Can we make it three decades?" Frigga said. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Can I trust that you'll speak with the Asgardian librarian on my behalf? I'd like to have access to their ancient texts, if I'm to be trapped there for three entire decades."

"Yes, moontree," Frigga said, reaching out to fondly ruffle his hair. "I'll speak to the Asgardian librarian."

"Excellent," Loki said. 

He treated Frigga to his most beautiful smile and she beamed back at him as if she really were looking at La Belle Savage. 

This is a convenient arrangement, Loki thought. I ought to follow Frigga's advice for at least a century or two. She's a useful woman. 

"Might I give you one more tidbit about my visions?" Frigga said. 

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"Lady Sif is a noblewoman with ambitious aspirations," Frigga said. "She would like to become a Valkyrie one day."

"Aye?" Loki said. "I thought all the Valkyrie were gone?"

"We're going to recruit new Valkyrie," Frigga said. "Lady Sif will lead them. When she's old enough, she'll be a very useful warrior."

"Would you like me to seduce her?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Frigga said. "But the girl is infatuated with Prince Thor. You'll have your work cut out for you."

"Hah!" Loki said, chuckling. "I love a challenge!" 

Frigga giggled, daintily, and then winked at him. He laughed all the harder when she did this. 

"You'll do your best, won't you honeybee?" Frigga said. "You'll spread Vanaheim's pollen throughout the gardens of Asgard?"

"Aye aye!" Loki said, snickering like a little boy. "I'll spread the pollen, alright. Indeed, Asgard's garden will flourish with Vanir magic."

"Very good," Frigga said, approvingly. 

She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Loki reciprocated this affection and also gave her a kiss on her own cheek. 

"Off you go, starlight," Frigga said. "Have a good three decades on Asgard."

"Will you stay on Vanaheim?" Loki said. 

"I'll visit Asgard whenever I'm able," Frigga said. "Occasionally, you'll see me in Asgard's Feasting Hall."

"Marvelous," Loki said. "But I'm meant to keep my distance from you when we're in public?"

"Not at all," Frigga said. "In fact? I'd like you to treat me like your mother when we're in public together. You must address me as your mother and make it clear to all of Asgard that the two of us are as thick as thieves."

Loki was delighted to hear this. He gave her an impulsive hug and the woman responded by enthusiastically throwing her own arms around him. 

"I'll be a good son," Loki whispered. "You won't regret tying your public name to my own."

"I know you will, Loki," Frigga murmured. "I'm very pleased to have adopted you, son." 

Shyly, Loki pulled away from the embrace and glanced at the ground, but Frigga used a gentle hand to tilt his chin back up. 

"You are a prince of Vanaheim," Frigga said. "You will also be a prince of Asgard, so you must comport yourself with regal self assurance."

Loki gulped. 

"Aye aye," Loki said. "I will make sure to do so."

"Good lad," Frigga said. "Please know that you are loved. The Jötunns on Jötunheimr love you. The Jötunns on Muspelheim love you too, but so do the people of Vanaheim. Once the people of Asgard hear your songs and witness your beautiful dancing for themselves, they'll be enraptured. They'll love you just as ardently and they'll worship you as their god."

Loki laughed, nervously, but then he shook off his anxiety and confidently straightened up with a wide stance and firm shoulders. 

"As they should," Loki said, imperiously. "I'm a god among mortals."

"Yes," Frigga said. "You are."

She gave him one more kiss, on the forehead this time, and then politely asked  Heimdall to pull Loki onto the rainbow bridge. 

The Bifrost's magic was as astounding as ever. Loki was pulled towards Asgard with a spark of golden light. 

When Loki arrived, he was greeted by Prince Thor himself. 

"Brother," Thor said, with a wide smile. "How were your travels?"

"They were wonderful, of course," Loki said, nodding politely. "However, I plan on spending the next three decades right here on Asgard."

Thor grinned at him. "Aye? You haven't spent a decade on Asgard in eons."

I've never spent any time on Asgard, Loki thought, frowning. 

But then he figured he'd made a translation mistake. The Alltongue was not his first language, after all, so any misunderstanding would be his own fault. 

Perhaps he'd misunderstood the Alltongue's grammatical rules. 

"Loki?" Thor said. "Are you well?"

"I'm well," Loki said. "And how are you fairing on this fine evening, Prince Thor?"

"I'm very well indeed!" Thor said, with a cheerful laugh. "It is always a bright day in Asgard when my brother is here to grace me with his presence?" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Will you lead me to my chamber?"

"I suppose?" Thor said. "You'd like to invite me into your bedchamber?"

Loki tilted his head. "Aye? We'll have a spot of ale together?"

"Aha!" Thor said, boisterously throwing an arm over Loki's shoulder. "Indeed! Let us drink together, brother! The night is young!"

"Aye," Loki said. 

He tried to imitate the God of Thunder's cheerful tone. 

"The night is young!" Loki said, as cheerfully as possible. "Let us drink all night!"

"We shall do so, Loki!" Thor said, as happily as a man who had just received a pot of gold. "I'll tell the kitchen staff to send our dinner directly to your bedchamber, eh? We will feast together, just the two of us, and drink the night away!"

This man is going to drink me under the table, Loki thought. 

But he maintained his smile and politely allowed the prince of Asgard to lead him towards a bedchamber which was well furnished with bookshelves and a decadent wardrobe. 

The Asgardian luxuries looked well worth any complaints Loki's liver might have in the morning. He was eager to take a look at the books that were already within reach, but he knew he had to wait until the Aesir prince had gone off to his own bedchamber. 

By the time Thor actually left, Loki was already asleep. 

But he would spend the next morning reading the books. He would spend a few weeks reading them and would only be pulled away whenever Thor made an appearance in his bedchamber. 

Thor visited often, but he would only stay for an hour or two to pepper Loki with polite questions. Then he would make an excuse to leave and be gone again. 

This suited Loki fine. 

He would worry about seducing Lady Sif after he finished reading the books that had been provided in his guest chamber. 

He would also accompany Thor and the Warriors Three on their adventures, of course, because Frigga had asked him to do so.

But he had three entire decades in which to accomplish tasks like that. He would do all the things required of him, including dancing and singing for the people of Asgard, after he finished the books that were already in his guest chamber. 

That was more than reasonable, Loki decided. 

There would be plenty of time for all of those things. Later. 

Thor never scolded Loki for reading. He seemed pleased to see that Loki was enjoying the books that had been gifted to him. 

He would regularly send gifts of food and furs, which the servants would show off to Loki while blushing at him like timid virgins. 

Loki would thank them profusely and they would look at him with wide eyes, as if it were miraculous that they were even receiving gratitude. 

Perhaps I'm stumbled into a faux pax, Loki thought, when he noticed these looks. 

But he shrugged this off. It did not matter if he ignored Asgardian social norms because he was not Asgardian. He was simply the Jötunn Prince. He was only visiting for three decades. 

Then he would be gone again and none would care to gossip about his mistakes. He would be forgotten. 

That is what he thought, at the time. 

In retrospect, he should have known there was something fishy going on. 

He should have known Frigga was playing a rather underhanded prank on him. 

But he didn't know. 

Not yet. 

Chapter Text

While Loki was employed as a university professor he met a strange man. Professor Victor Shade was a polite man, but he was also an anxious man. He taught Advanced Computer Sciences in a stadium lecture hall across from Loki's own lecture hall. By happenstance, all of Loki's lectures on Egyptian Mythology were in the same time slots as Professor Shade's Advanced Computer Sciences lectures.

Because this was the case, Professor Shade would often poke his head into Loki's classroom after all of their students had left.

"Would you like to accompany me for a meal, Professor Ganley?" Professor Shade would say, while anxiously hovering in the doorway of Loki's classroom. 

Or he would say, "Have you been sleeping well, Professor Ganley?"

Else he might say, "My wife wanted me to remind you that you're more than welcome to pop by our house for a bit of tea or for dinner whenever you'd like. We live in the little house across from your condo and you're always welcome there."

Most of Professor Shade's nonsense was delivered with the nervous energy of a man who expected to be attacked with a large knife at any moment. 

Loki did his best to be courteous to Professor Shade, but after two months of working parallel to the man he was beginning to have rather colorful fantasies wherein he magically summoned his largest hunting knives and mounted them on his classroom's walls for Professor Shade to gawk at. 

Loki even toyed with the idea of teaching a Criminal Science class just for the excuse to cover every wall with weaponry of all kinds. Or perhaps a Medieval History class. He would draw up a lesson plan about serial killers with a penchant for stabbing their victims to death, or about neo classical methods of executing criminals, or about the ritualistic virgin sacrifices described in several mythological texts. 

Alas, he knew such violent lesson plans would not be approved by the university's board of directors. Loki abandoned his fantasies and simply gave Professor Shade terse responses whenever the man foisted his presence into Loki's classroom. 

One day, Professor Shade timidly hovered in Loki's doorway and said, "I met a man who would like to speak with you, Professor Ganley, if you have a moment?" 

In the middle of packing up his lecture notes and bundling a stack of essays into an accordion manilla folder, Loki absent mindedly said, "I have time." 

A moment later, Loki nearly dropped the stack of student essays when he looked up and spotted Thor Odinson standing in front of his desk. 

At the last second, Loki clutched the essays to his chest and saved them from scattering. 

"Loki?" Thor said, with a frown. "Do you not recognize me?"

"Shhh!" Loki said, darting a glance at the open doorway. 

Loki put the essays down on his desk and tip towed towards the doorway, poking his head out into the hallway to see if Professor Shade was within listening distance. He found that the irritating man had already made his way far down the distant hallway with his back straight and his arms robotically held at his sides as he very quickly walked away with the speed of a man who was late for some urgent business. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Loki then checked the other direction and was pleased to note that there were no students or professors lingering within view. 

Still, he firmly closed the door to the classroom and then returned to his desk. 

Surprisingly, Thor didn't say a word while Loki did all this. 

He simply stood in front of Loki's desk and waited. 

Loki sat behind his desk without inviting Thor to sit on one of the student's chairs. 

He simply sat and waited for Thor to start screaming at him. 

However, Thor only looked at him with disappointment. Like a man who had just caught his baby brother terrorizing the mortals again. 

"Well?" Loki said, when he'd gotten nothing but further silence from Thor. 

"What am I meant to say, Loki?" Thor said, mulishly. 

"Did you forget your lines?" Loki said, with a wry grin. "Shall I get them out of the way for you?"

He propped his elbows up on his desk and leaned forward over it, playfully canting his head to the side so Thor could admire his new haircut. 

Not only was his hair significantly shorter than the shoulder length number he'd been sporting the last time Thor saw him, but he'd lightened it to a more natural looking brown. Loki wanted to match the look of an average Caucasian man, so he'd mimicked their most common hairstyle and even donned a pair of fake glasses. 

This hadn't been enough to fool Thor, of course, so it was no surprise he'd been found. 

"What do you think my lines are meant to be, brother?" Thor said, huffing. 

Making a show of thinking it over, Loki leaned back and tapped at his chin. Then he snapped his fingers as if he'd just come up with something.

"Something like, 'What are you doing in Oklahoma, brother!' or maybe, 'Why did you fake your death again, Trickster!' or perhaps, 'I'll kill you this time, loathsome Frost Giant!' and then you'll swing your hammer at my head, I'll dodge it, we'll laugh at the playful violence and call it brotherly bonding," Loki said, with a smirk. "And then I'll make my clever escape and we'll do it all again next decade?"

"Might we skip the clever escape?" Thor said, sighing.

"Come now," Loki said, chuckling darkly. "How else will I maintain my freedom?"

"Why do you need to escape to be free, Loki?" Thor said, scowling. 

"Because I prefer to stay out of Asgard's dungeons, Thor!" Loki said. 

"You've already been cleared of all of your crimes, Loki!" Thor said, huffing and puffing as if he was on the brink of unleashing his Thunder Magic. 

Loki blinked at him. 

"You didn't know that?" Thor said, incredulously. "You were hiding from me because you thought I would put you in Asgard's dungeons?" 

"Obviously?" Loki said. 

Thor laughed, but it wasn't a pleasant laugh. It sounded more bitter than any laugh Loki had ever come from Thor before. 

"I apologize?" Loki said, frowning. "But I thought I was to be sentenced for my war crimes while working under Thanos?"

"You were absolved!" Thor said. 

"Why in Hades would the Asgardian people absolve me?" Loki said. 

"Because you saved them from Hela!" Thor said, throwing his hands up. 

"No I didn't," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "I only brought them a ship. Most of them died!" 

"The survivors still appreciate that you helped them survive, Loki!" Thor said, hotly. "Why would you doubt their forgiving nature, brother?"

Loki sneered. "Forgiving nature? Your naiveté knows no bounds, Thor." 

Thor had grown his hair back out. He had bundled it into a partial updo, but otherwise he was following all of the style trends of the surrounding Midgardian culture. His clothes were casual and mortal looking.

But the longer hair made him look like the Thor of old, so Loki braced himself for a tempter tantrum out of pure habit. 

Perhaps Thor noticed the way Loki had tensed. He glanced down at his feet and mumbled, "I'll leave you in peace."

"Pardon me?" Loki said, scoffing. "You'll do no such thing."

Glancing back up and blinking in befuddlement, Thor said, "I won't?"

"Of course not," Loki said. "You and I both know you're like a dog without a home. I heard you'd bequeathed New Asgard to Lady Brunnhilde."

"Yes," Thor said. "I did."

"That's why you're here, isn't it?" Loki said, giving Thor one of his most aggressive grins. "You've given up your throne and perhaps now you've also fallen out of favor with your Galaxy Guardians? Or has Jane Foster broken your heart once more?"

"Did you hear about Mjölnir?" Thor said. "Jane used her science to reassemble it. She's been wielding it as her own weapon."

"Yes, I heard," Loki said. "How could I not have heard? The people of Earth advertise their superheroes by plastering their faces all over every television."   

Thor rubbed at the back of his neck. "I suppose they do?"

Loki shrugged. "They also advertise their super villains. Would you please refrain from addressing me by name while we live on Midgard? For the love of all that is holy, I'd hate to incite an angry mob in Oklahoma." 

"Then what should I call you?" Thor said. 

"Beaufort Ganley," Loki said. "That's the alias I've been using."

"Beaufort?" Thor said. 

"You might even call me Beau," Loki said, with his most persuasive smile. "Be a good brother, hmm? You might simply address me as your brother whenever we're in front of the mortals, but please don't call me Loki."

"Very well, brother," Thor said, while stoically jutting his chin out. "I will address you as Beaufort Ganley. This I swear."

"Would you relax?" Loki said. "Why are you behaving this way?"

"Because I thought you were dead!" Thor said, angrily. "I mourned your loss for the third time!"

"Third time?" Loki said. "Wasn't this the second time?"

"I also thought you might have died when you jumped off the Bifrost!" Thor said.

"Yes?" Loki said. "Wasn't that the first time?"

Thor frowned at him.

"You don't recall the second time you faked your death?" Thor said. "You're asking me to remind you?"

"No," Loki said. "As far as I was aware, this was only the second time I've played dead."

"It's the third time, Loki!" Thor said. 

"Stop using my name, Thor!" Loki said. 

"Blast it!" Thor said. "I'll do my best to address you as Beaufort Ganley, but it won't come naturally, brother!"

"Then simply call me your brother!" Loki shouted. 

"Aye!" Thor said. "Please calm down!" 

Loki sprang up from his seat, leaned over his desk with his palms braced flat against the wood, and lowered his voice to hiss, "What in Hades do you want from me, Odinson?" 

"I simply would like to know that my brother is alive and well!" Thor said. "Is that too much to ask of you?"

"You've already confirmed my survival!" Loki said. "I'm alive and well! Are you done now? You can leave!" 

"Will you leave this place if I refuse to leave?" Thor said. "You'll abandon your new identity as Beaufort Ganley and start over elsewhere?"

"Is that what you want me to do?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

"No!" Thor said. "But I don't want to stay while knowing I'll be driving you away from your new life?"

"You think I'm such a cowardly dog that I'll flee with my tail between my legs?" Loki said. "I realize you're the bigger man, Thor, but we both know I'm the smarter man. If one of us were to die at the other's hands it would not be I. It would be you!"

"Aye," Thor said, bitterly. "Indeed. It would be me."

"Is that not incentive enough?" Loki said. "Why would you stay in this quiet little college town at the risk of your own neck?"

"Why would my brother be motivated to take my life?" Thor said. 

"Why wouldn't I be motivated!" Loki said. "Every decade you give me a new motivation, Thor!"

"What crime have I committed against you?" Thor said, softly. "Won't you tell me, brother, so that I may correct my behavior?" 

Not expecting such a tender response, Loki didn't reply to this. 

He stepped away from his desk, cleared his throat, and then used his magic to transport all of the essays, lecture notes, and miscellaneous pens that remained on his desk. He sent them directly to the office within his condominium and then snatched up his empty satchel so he might pretend he was still a normal man while walking through campus. 

As Loki slung the satchel over his shoulder, Thor looked at him with doleful eyes.

"Will you run from me, brother?" Thor said, as sadly as a man who was about to watch Asgard burn around him for a second time. 

"No," Loki said, sighing. "I won't run."

"Will you wish to run even while remaining in this place?" Thor said. "Will you resist the temptation as a married man might resist a brothel?"

Loki chuckled, bitterly, and Thor flinched as if the sound was a personal insult to his manhood. 

Yes, Loki thought. I'll resist the temptation like a married man resists every beautiful woman who strides within view. 

"Not at all, brother," Loki said, with his most charming grin. "Why would I be so tempted to abandon the handsome king of Asgard?" 

"I'm not a king," Thor said, belligerently. "Nor am I a prince. Not any longer."

"Yes, yes," Loki said. "You say that now, but one day Queen Brunnhilde will need a political marriage. You'll end up saying your vows in front of New Asgard and then you'll-"

"No!" Thor said, glowing with a faint white light. "I will not do that, Loki!"

"Control your thunder!" Loki barked. 

Immediately, Thor snuffed out the Thunder Magic that had briefly lit him up. He groaned in frustration and stomped away from Loki's desk, eventually pulling up short to scowl at a wall with his fists clenched and his jaw grinding in barely suppressed rage. 

"You're like a rutting bull," Loki groused. "Would you please find yourself a wife? I fear you'll smite yourself one of these days."

"I don't need a wife!" Thor shouted, at the wall, like a mad man. "I need my shield brother!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "We've been reunited, have we not? You've won yourself a loyal shield brother!"

Thor turned back towards him with a wounded look. 

"Don't look at me like that," Loki said. "You act as if I've just stabbed a kitten."

"You've stabbed me in my own heart, Loki!" Thor said. 

"Have I?" Loki said. 

"Yes!" Thor said. "You behave as if I'm a naughty Viking that would forcefully take you into my warrior clan?"

"Is that not exactly what you are?" Loki said, chuckling. 

"We've always been brothers!" Thor said. 

"Because your father kidnapped me as a baby, Thor!" Loki said, impatiently. "Do you think Odin ever once thought of me as a true son? He did not! I was merely the boy he was raising so that he might sculpt me into a kingly advisor. He gently nudged me towards my political studies and then he lovingly handed you a magical hammer and sent you off on enriching adventures. He knew you would make a better king if your head was as empty as your muscles were thick! He wanted his true son to sit upon the throne in Asgard's lap of luxury and he wanted his evil Frost Giant to function as your eternal servant!"

Thor absorbed these words in thoughtful silence. 

Expecting an immediate denial, an angry outburst, or perhaps more wounded words about all the ways in which Loki had stabbed his brother's heart over the eons, Loki was baffled by this thoughtful silence. 

They stood there regarding each other for a full minute. Perhaps two minutes. The time went by excruciatingly slowly, but Loki refused to break the silence himself. 

Thor was finally the man to do it. 

"Perhaps Odin did think that way," Thor murmured. "But I wasn't going to do that to you, Loki. I never thought of you as a servant and I always wanted you to join me on my enriching adventures. When you buried yourself in your political studies and sought Asgard's tutors, I thought I might do the same. However, Mother told me you would prefer to study without me."

"You could have spoken to the tutors when I wasn't with them," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "It's not as if the tutors were incapable of teaching more than one student."

"Aye," Thor said. "But I never cared to study. Why would I study without you? If I were to study, it would have been in the hopes of gaining some time with you. If I could not even win my own brother's company while I studied, why bother to study? Those were my thoughts, as a boy."

"Why do you speak this way?" Loki said. "You make it sound as if I was a foreign princess who would dodge your dance card."

"Weren't you?" Thor said. "We learned of your parentage. King Laufey would have made you a foreign prince if my father had not taken you from Jötunheimr."

"But I wasn't on Jötunheimr," Loki said. "I was on Asgard. You saw me at every meal. You saw me at every ball, every jousting tournament, and every town hall."

"It wasn't enough," Thor said. "I wanted to see you still more often."

"Why?" Loki said, warily. 

"Because I love you!" Thor said. 

There was a loud knock on the classroom's door. Loki turned to see Headmistress Maximoff opening the door with a flustered smile, cheeks flushed with a deep scarlet blush. 

"I'm so sorry to interrupt," Headmistress Maximoff said. "But your next class will be starting in ten minutes, Professor Ganley. There are a few students standing out here who wanted to venture inside of your classroom, but they... um..."

Headmistress Maximoff looked at Thor and began to blush even more furiously. 

Oh, Loki thought. Thor is famous on Midgard for his heroism. I'd almost forgotten.

"I apologize," Loki said. "Thor will cause a bit of a ruckus among the students, won't he?" 

"Yes," Headmistress Maximoff said. "Maybe you should meet with him off campus?"

"Of course," Loki said. "Thor was just leaving. Weren't you, Thor?"

Loki turned back towards his brother and gave him a tight smile. 

Thor sighed. 

"I will leave," Thor said. "But where can I meet with you, Beaufort? Where can we continue this conversation?" 

Pleased to see that Thor had remembered to use the alias, Loki decided to be generous with his brother. 

He gave Thor the address to his condo and even lent him a spare key.

"There's a guest bedroom," Loki said. "You should unpack your belongings and settle in. For as long as you're in town, you'll stay with me."

"Will this be a short visit?" Thor said, frowning at the key in his hand. "I'll stay in your guest bedroom for a week or two and then leave Earth behind once more?"

"Is that your plan?" Loki said.  

"No," Thor said. "I would love to move to this town. I'd love to stay in Westview for at least a decade. As long as I know it wouldn't offend you?"

"Why would it offend me?" Loki said. 

"You've already been here for a few years," Thor said. "Should I leave and move elsewhere to give you your own freedom? Perhaps I'll settle in a neighboring town?"

"No," Loki said. "You can live with me."

"Are you certain?" Thor said. "I might purchase my own home. You don't need to open your doors to me."

"Why wouldn't I open my doors, Thor?" Loki said. "Are you saying you despise the thought of sharing a living space? I won't stop you from buying a house if that's what you'd prefer!"

Headmistress Maximoff cleared her throat and said, "Your lecture begins in two minutes, Professor Ganley."

She was still blushing like a smitten schoolgirl. If the woman weren't married to Professor Shade, Loki would wonder if she had intentions to throw herself at Thor as a potential suitor. 

"Of course!" Loki said. "We'll continue this discussion later, Thor. Go let yourself into my condominium. Now!" 

"Aye!" Thor said, cheerfully. "I will do so!" 

Thor laughed like a man who had just been tickled and strode out of the classroom. 

As soon as Thor was out there, Loki could hear the students in the hallway giggling and whispering among themselves. He could also hear the sound of their cameras taking photographs. 

"Please don't invite Thor to campus anymore?" Headmistress Maximoff said. "I think he's going to bring a lot of unnecessary publicity to our university?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Loki said. 

"We're a small college!" Headmistress Maximoff said, frowning. "We don't need attention. We're a tight knit community. I'd rather not have a spotlight on my students."

"Your mutants will be safe," Loki said. 

"Shh!" Headmistress Maximoff said. "I'm only going to remind you that we have a responsibility to our students. Do you hear me, Professor Ganley?"

"I hear you," Loki said. "I'll tell Thor that he needs to avoid our campus from now on."

"Thank you," Headmistress Maximoff said. "I have nothing against pro heroes, but I'd rather not let any of our young minds get wrapped up in that sort of nonsense!"

"Hmm," Loki said. "If that's how you feel, I'll do my best to assist you. The impressionable youth will no longer be exposed to the pro heroes."

"That's all I ask," Headmistress Maximoff said, sniffing daintily. 

But the woman was still flustered. She was fully red in the face. 

"Do you need some water?" Loki said. "I have a minifridge hidden under my desk."

"No!" Headmistress Maximoff said, awkwardly laughing. "I'm fine!" 

None of the students in the hallway outside made a single attempt to step inside of Loki's classroom. They were chatting outside and excitedly discussing everything they knew about the famous God of Thunder. 

"Will you please tell them to take their seats?" Loki said. "My class should have started by now."

"Yessir," Headmistress Maximoff said. "I'll get their butts into gear."

"Thank you," Loki said. 

"But will you do me a favor?" Headmistress Maximoff said. 

"What will you have me do?" Loki said. 

"Bring Thor to my house for dinner on Saturday," Headmistress Maximoff said. "I'd like to see him. My husband would also like to properly meet him. He said that he helped Thor find your classroom, but that he left because he felt embarrassed."

"Embarrassed?" Loki said. 

"He wanted to get Thor's autograph," Headmistress Maximoff said, with a girlish giggle. "He admires Thor's career."

Loki scoffed. 

"Please bring him to my house on Saturday," Headmistress Maximoff said. "I'll cook lasagna?"

"No," Loki said. "Roasted duck."

"I'll cook roasted duck," Headmistress Maximoff said, fondly reaching out to ruffle his hair. 

He tolerated this treatment for a moment, then moved his head out of reach. 

Then Headmistress Maximoff finally stepped out of his classroom and sternly told his students that they needed to attend their Egyptian Mythology elective. 

Once the students were in their seats, Loki shoved all thoughts of Thor and of Headmistress Maximoff out of his head. 

He performed his lecture like a Shakespearean actor who was determined to get his lines out. 

When the job was done, the students stared at Loki with their mouths hanging open. A few of them were blinking dazedly and some of the girls were fiercely blushing. 

"Have I cast a spell over the room?" Loki said, sardonically. "My students are stupefied?" 

"No sir!" a girl in the front row said. "You were brilliant!" 

"Excellent," Loki said. "Class is dismissed, students. You may pack your bags and run along."

None of the students packed their bags. None of them took the invitation to leave. Instead, a boy to the left of the lecture stadium raised his hand. 

"Yes?" Loki said.  

"I'm super confused about Ra!" the boy said. "Why is the sun god such a... such a... damn!"

"Try again," Loki said. "Rephrase your question so that I might answer it."

"I just think Ra is a crazy dude," the boy said. "He's... like... he's psycho?"

"You're speculation is as incoherent as it is unproductive," Loki said. "Gather your thoughts over the weekend. I'll open the floor to a discussion on Ra's mythos when we return to class on Tuesday."

"Awesome!" the boy said. "You're a great prof, man!"

"Thank you?" Loki said. "Please back up your bags. My lecture has ended."

"Wait!" the girl in the front row said. "I have to ask you something, Professor Ganley! Please don't end your class!" 

"You can ask me during my office hours," Loki said. 

A girl who was sitting in the third row abruptly burst out with a question, yelling it out like an urgent news reporter, "Is Thor your ex-boyfriend, Professor Ganley? Did you date him while you lived on Asgard?"

Loki laughed. 

None of the students laughed. 

"I beg your bloody pardon?" Loki said. 

"He sounded like an ex-boyfriend!" the girl in the third row said. 

"No he didn't!" the girl in the front row said. "He sounded like a man who's been rejected a thousand times!"

"That's harsh, man," a boy next to her said. "Unrequited love? That sucks for Thor."

"Would you silly children please stop gossiping about your professors?" Loki said. "None of you are even old enough to drink yet. Concern yourselves with your own blossoming love lives and leave me out of your thoughts."

"But sir!" the girl in the third row said. "This is a senior level elective! All of us are old enough to drink!"

"Be that as it may," Loki said. "You should concern yourselves with the hunt for your own spouses."

"Why aren't you married yet, prof?" the boy to the left of the stadium said. "Aren't you almost thirty?"

"He's thirty two!" the girl in the front row said. 

"Silence!" Loki said. "I won't have this nonsense in my classroom! The lecture has ended. You will march your bums out of my classroom and you will keep further questions on my personal life to yourselves!" 

"Yessir!" the girl in the front row said. 

"But we deserve to know the truth!" the girl in the third row said. 

"And I deserve students who would remind me to collect the essays you owe me," Loki retorted. "Which of you was going to remind me? You will drop your essays off on my desk as you leave the classroom, students. Don't you dare forget."

Several of them groaned, but most of them chuckled and giggled as if they'd just lost a silly game. They finally gathered up their belongings and filed into a neat line so they could drop their essays off one at a time as they exited the lecture hall. When they were finally gone, Loki sent the pile of essays towards the office in his condominium. 

Then he wondered if he should teleport directly there. He'd just ended his last lecture of the day. There was no reason to linger at the university. 

Professor Shade poked his head into Loki's classroom and said, "Would you like to eat a late lunch with me, Professor Ganley? I noticed you skipped lunch to argue with Thor."

"No thank you, Professor Shade," Loki said. "I'll eat with Thor."

"I hope you will?" Professor Shade. "You shouldn't skip meals."

"Very well," Loki said. "I apologize for neglecting my meals?"

"I apologize for poking my nose where it doesn't belong?" Professor Shade said, raising an eyebrow. 

"I forgive you?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

Professor Shade also tilted his head. 

Then he blinked and straightened himself up. 

"Have a good day," Professor Shade said. 

He walked off, mechanically, and Loki teleported to his condominium without stopping to think about it. 

Thor was sitting in the living room in front of the TV. He sat there with a blank look on his face as he stared at the screen in front of him with hardly a blink. 

"Thor?" Loki said. 

"Hah!" Thor said, looking up with a wide grin. "I've found you, Loki!"

"Yes," Loki said. "Are you feeling alright, Thor?"

Thor stood up from the couch and exuberantly held his arms out. 

"Will Beaufort Ganley give me a hug?" Thor said. "Or will he leave my arms empty?"

"You're not a child!" Loki said. "Why are you asking for hugs?"

"Why wouldn't I ask for them, brother?" Thor said. 

He stubbornly stood there with his arms held out. 

"Sit back down," Loki said. "I'm not going to hug you."

Thor pouted, but did as he was told. 

Cautiously, Loki sat beside him. He left a generous distance between them and kept his gaze directed towards the television. 

Headmistress Wanda Maximoff was on screen with a group of superheroes. Iron Man, Captain America, The Vision, The Winter Soldier, and Black Widow. 

"Where did Clint Barton run off to?" Thor said. "Is he not an Avenger?"

"I suppose he retired?" Loki said. 

"Is Bruce Banner still missing?" Thor said. 

"You tell me, Thor," Loki said. "Is he still missing?"

"Hmm," Thor said. "I believe he moved to a remote island?"

"Did he?" Loki said. "When did he do that?"

"Years ago," Thor said. 

"I see," Loki said. "How long were you fighting in mad battles with the Guardians of the Galaxy?"

"Not long," Thor said. "I left the warrior's life behind when I adopted a young girl. I spent two decades raising her, but she left to adventure with her own group of superheroes."

"Is that why you're here, Thor?" Loki whispered. "Your daughter left, so you sought your brother?"

Loki was still looking at the news coverage on the TV. He watched footage of the Avengers as they battled with a group of supervillains that had been stirring up chaos across Los Angeles.

Wanda Maximoff was wearing her Scarlet Witch costume. She turned to look directly at the camera and nodded. 

Loki sighed. 

"Nick Fury told me you were alive," Thor said, quietly. "If I had known sooner I would have been here sooner."

"Sure," Loki said. "I'll politely believe you, of course."

Thor sighed. 

They continued to sit on the couch together, but the news station ended its broadcast. The screen in front of them began to play a somber family drama about a business mogul with dysfunctional adult children who'd never learned how to function without their father constantly hovering over their shoulders like a tyrant. 

Then Loki reached for the remote and shut off the TV. He grabbed Thor by an elbow and pulled him through a portal to Vanaheim. 

They landed in Queen Freya's garden. Freya herself was nowhere to be seen and neither were any of her brothers or servants. 

"Listen carefully," Loki said. "You must stay away from the Scarlet Witch."

"Very well?" Thor said. 

"I will ask one of my variants to attend a dinner with me at the Scarlet Witch's house," Loki said. "I'll shape shift so that I look like you and my variant will play the part of Professor Beaufort Ganley." 

"Why will you do that, Loki?" Thor said. 

Loki ignored this question. 

"Or perhaps my variant will shape shift and enjoy playing the part of Thor Odinson," Loki said, thoughtfully. "And I'll play the role of Professor Beaufort Ganley?"

Thor grabbed Loki by the shoulders, looked him in the eyes, and said, "We will ask Dr. Strange for his help."

"Dr. Strange?" Loki said, scoffing. "The dark wizard?"

"Yes!" Thor said. "He read the Darkhold, brother! He's a powerful man!"

"The Scarlet Witch also read it," Loki said. "They've both read The Černý Grimoire, so there's no point in pinning them against each other. Neither of them is going to win and neither of them is going to lose. They'll be left in a stalemate where neither of them dies and neither of them is satisfied."

"Why are you so frightened?" Thor said. "Has the Scarlet Witch been cruel towards you?"

"No!" Loki said. "But you won't fit in her TV show!" 

"TV show?" Thor said. 

"You're from the wrong genre, Thor," Loki said, throwing his hands up. "You belong in a historical drama. You belong with the classical heroes, Thor. You don't belong in a family friendly sci fi action adventure!"

"Do you hear yourself, Loki?" Thor said, blinking in confusion. "Do these words make sense to you? I fear the Alltongue has failed us?"

"It certainly has," Loki said, scowling. "Stay away from the university, Thor! You must stay away for your own safety!" 

"I won't abandon you on the battlefield!" Thor said. "I'll help you defeat the Scarlet Witch!"

"No you will not!" Loki said. "This is not a quest! This is not a war! This is not one of your mad jousting tournaments!"

"I want to keep you safe!" Thor said. 

"I was already safe!" Loki said. "I was safe until you showed up to endanger yourself!"

"How did I endanger myself?" Thor said. 

"By entering the show without a script!" Loki shouted. "You broke the rules of engagement!" 

"The rules of engagement?" Thor said. 

"You'll be the death of me, Thor!" Loki shrieked. 

His voice cracked and Loki winced, rubbing at his throat with his fingers. 

"Please calm yourself?" Thor said. "If I inform the other Midgardian heroes, we can gather a group of-"

"No!" Loki said. "You must not gather an army!"

"We won't be an army," Thor said, defensively. "We'll be a superhero team."

"Why are you Vikings so barbaric?" Loki said. 

"I'm not trying to be barbaric, brother!" Thor said. "I'm trying to save you from your plight!"

"I'm not in any kind of plight, you boorish oaf!" Loki said. "I'm perfectly fine! If anything, you're the man who is too stupid to see his own plight!"

"What is my plight, Loki?" Thor said. 

"Pure idiocy!" Loki said. "You suffer from an insidious illness, Odinson! You always have and you always will! You conduct yourself like an inane Viking!"

"Teach me to better myself!" Thor said, in frustration. "Teach me the error of my ways so that I might better myself, Loki!"

"Fine!" Loki said. "I'll teach you how to prevent your own foolish demise!" 

"Aha!" Thor said, grinning widely. "Will you still allow me to live with you, brother? Or must I seclude myself in Vanaheim's queendom?"

"I'll allow you to live with me," Loki said, sighing. "But you must not step foot on my university campus. You must not get anywhere near it. Ever! For any reason! Stay away from the home of Wanda Maximoff, as well. I want you to stay far away from these two places, do you hear me?"

"Aye," Thor said, solemnly. "I will do as you say."

"Marvelous," Loki said, flatly. "I won't discuss this topic further. You must never voice any opinions on this topic!"

"Very well, brother," Thor said. "I'll address you Beaufort Ganley and I will not ask you any questions about Wanda Maximoff."

"I'm glad we're finally on the same bloody page!" Loki said. "When we return to my condominium it will look as if we never left in the first place. Any observers will simply see a nano-second's flicker. We will arrive one nano-second after we left and no one will be any the wiser!"

"You're time traveling?" Thor said. "You'll send us back in time?"

"Is that a problem?" Loki said. 

"No, no," Thor said, hastily. "I'm merely curious about your magic?"

"Abandon your curiosity," Loki said, sternly. "I won't be answering any questions."

Thor nodded. 

Once more, Loki grabbed the man by his elbow. They landed in a sitting position on the couch in Loki's living room. 

An outside observer would have simply seen Loki reach out to grasp Thor's elbow. 

"Brother," Loki murmured. "I'm tired."

"Would you like to retire for the night?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "Will you retire with me? We'll have one of those sleepovers. Like we used to do when we were boys?"

Thor looked at him, askance, and Loki raised an eyebrow. 

"You won't share a bed with me?" Loki said. 

"I will!" Thor said. "I'm merely... surprised by the request?"

"Does it disgust you?" Loki said. "You think I'm too old to ask for a sleepover?"

"Not at all," Thor said. "I simply... I thought you never would. Not since we found out your true parentage."

"Never mind, then?" Loki said. "You may sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"No!" Thor said. "Don't send me to the guest bedroom!"

"Then get up," Loki said, standing and dragging Thor up by his elbow. "Let's go to bed, brother. It's been a long day."

"It has?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said, nodding firmly. "C'mon. Follow me. Let's go."

Thor was dragging his feet like a child who was unhappy to be sent off to bed so early. Halfway up the stairs, Thor gripped the banister and forced Loki to halt their upward climb. 

"We haven't had dinner," Thor said. 

"So?" Loki said. 

"You didn't even eat lunch," Thor said, accusingly. 

"How would you know?" Loki said. 

"Because I interrupted your lunch break!" Thor said. "Didn't I? Professor Shade told me you were going to have your lunch hour and that I shouldn't disturb you, but I ignored him."

"I'll eat tomorrow," Loki said, dismissively.  

"Nay!" Thor said. "You shouldn't skip so many meals!"

"The price of eggs has gone up!" Loki said. 

"What?" Thor said. 

"I'm fasting, alright?" Loki said. "Strategically fasting. So leave me be, would you?"

"You cannot do that, brother!" Thor said. "You're too thin!"

"I'm perfectly fine!" Loki said. 

"You aren't perfectly fine!" Thor said. "May I buy the eggs for you? I have access to Asgard's vaults."

As disdainfully as possible, Loki said, "This man would have me believe he is not Asgard's king and yet he has access to Asgard's vaults? The nerve of this filthy Aesir!"

"I apologize!" Thor said. "What would you have me do, brother? Should I give the vaults over to you?"

"No!" Loki said. "They belong to Asgard's citizens!"

"I understand the sentiment, brother!" Thor said. "But Asgard's people would not want to see their Prince Loki starve himself!"

"I'm not Prince Loki!" Loki shrieked. "I'm Beaufort Ezra Ganley!" 

"Halt!" Thor yelled. "Don't teleport without me, brother! Please!"

Loki ignored this command. While Thor lunged forward in an awkward attempt at an embrace, Loki lunged backward and then teleported to the bottom of the staircase. 

"Wait!" Thor said, already running down the stairs like a mad man. "I'll behave myself as a brother should!"

"No you will not!" Loki shouted. "You never behave as a brother should!"

Thor reached the bottom of the stairs and threw his arms around Loki. 

"Don't teleport without me!" Thor commanded. 

"Bugger off!" Loki cried. 

He was alarmed to discover a few tears had escaped from his eyes. Angrily, he brushed them aside and teleported out of Thor's embrace. 

This time, Loki landed at the top of the staircase. 

Once more, Thor ran at him. Urgently climbing the stairs like a man on a dire quest. 

"Halt!" Loki said, imperiously. "You must not touch me, Odinson!" 

Thor tripped at the top of the stairs and landed sprawled at Loki's feet. He lay there for a moment, panting, and then looked up with the sort of scowl Loki would expect to see from a sulking teenager. 

"I've gone too many years without you, Loki!" Thor said. "Please let me embrace my brother!"

"I'm not your brother!" Loki said. "Go and hound The Warriors Three with your sentimental nonsense! Perhaps Volstagg will set you down on his lap and burp you like one of his toddling babes!" 

"You cannot dismiss every emotion as sentiment!" Thor said. "I love you! Ardently! As a man would love a man he admires!"

"Lies!" Loki said. 

Thor remained on the ground on his hands and knees. His feet were dangling over the top of the stairwell.  

"I do not lie," Thor said, glaring up at Loki. "Why would I lie?"

"Get the hell up, Thor!" Loki said. "Why are you still on the ground?"

"If I stay on the ground, perhaps my Loki will not run from me," Thor said, glancing down at his hands, which were braced against the carpet. "Perhaps I should walk down these stairs and give you distance? I will call for you as Romeo once called for Juliet while she stood above him upon her balcony?" 

"Pardon?" Loki said, blinking in confusion. 

Finally, Thor stood back up. He directed a charming grin at Loki. The kind of charming grin Loki had seen Thor direct at hundreds of thousands of mortals whenever they were showering the God of Thunder with praise. 

"Will you please eat dinner with me?" Thor said, while gallantly holding his hand out towards Loki. "Allow me to take you to a restaurant?"

"Bah," Loki said, huffing. "I suppose I have no choice?"

"You would force me to skip dinner?" Thor said, breathlessly. "If you make the demand, I will fast with you. Is that what you would prefer?"

"No," Loki said, glancing away from Thor. "I won't make that demand."

"We'll have a sleepover after we've eaten," Thor said. "Yes? Please come to dinner with me?"

"Fine," Loki said. "Where would you like to eat?"

"Anywhere you'd like?" Thor said. 

"None of that nonsense!" Loki said. "Name a restaurant! Now!" 

"I don't know what the Midgardians have named their restaurants," Thor said, apologetically. "They seem to change the names every single decade?"

"Oh," Loki said. "In that case, I'll simply take you to the nearest fine dinning establishment?"

"Aye," Thor said. "And I will pay for our meal."

"Hmm," Loki said. "I suppose that suits me fine. Would you like to make a show of driving there like a pair of mortals, or might I just use my magic to jump us there?"

"Whichever you prefer?" Thor said. 

Loki frowned. 

He had a modest Ford Focus parked in front of his condominium. It was an old model, from 2012, and was collecting dust in his driveway. 

"I suppose we might as well drive ourselves there," Loki said. "Make a point of pretending to be ordinary Midgardians?"

"Alright," Thor said. "I never learned how to drive. Will you drive?"

"Of course," Loki said. "I have a license."

"Perhaps I should learn the skill as well?" Thor said. "Obtain my own license?"

"If you'd like?" Loki said. 

Rather awkwardly, Loki began walking down the staircase. 

He was still avoiding eye contact, but he knew this was a childish impulse. He firmly told himself that he would look Thor in the eye, like a man, but then he got into his car and told himself he needed to keep his eyes on the road while driving to the restaurant. 

Thor was an ideal passenger. He said not a word as they drove with the stereo on.  

However, once the two of them were sitting across from each other at a table, Loki had no choice but to look at Thor. 

Their menus were only in their hands for a brief moment and then the waitstaff was eagerly taking their orders. 

Because the food had not arrived yet, Loki had nothing to look at but Thor. 

Thor smiled at him. 

Loki frowned. 

"Are you well?" Thor said. 

"I'm fine," Loki insisted. 

"Are you terribly hungry?" Thor said. 

"I'm fine," Loki repeated, stubbornly. 

The food arrived with surprising speed. Loki kept his eyes on his meal while he ate and was grateful when Thor also ate in silence. When the food was finished, Thor paid and they left the restaurant. 

They got back into the car, which gave Loki back his excuse to keep his eyes on the road as he slowly drove towards his condominium. 

When they finally made it into Loki's bedroom, Loki used his magic to enforce the sort of piercing darkness that Thor would not be able to see through. 

Then he handed Thor a pair of pajamas and guided him through the darkness and towards the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, Thor was able to turn a light on. But in Loki's bedroom proper there was only darkness as he changed into his own pajamas. 

He was already in bed when Thor emerged from the bathroom. Loki used magic to clean his teeth and considered that good enough. 

Thor made sure to turn the light off in the bathroom before he cautiously walked through the darkness. 

He managed to find the bed on his own by feeling ahead of himself with his hands. Using the same method, Thor felt forward until his hand landed on Loki's shoulder. 

Lightly giving a brief squeeze, Thor let go and got into Loki's bed. 

Then he wrapped his arms around Loki. 

Thor pulled Loki towards his chest, which Loki allowed because he was sleepy. 

For a few hours, they simply remained like that. Laying together in the darkness. Loki was awake. He suspected Thor was also awake, but Thor didn't say a word. 

Eventually, Loki fell asleep. 

He had no dreams, that night. 

When Loki woke up he was relieved to notice that his darkness spell had held over night. He teleported into the bathroom and then released the spell so that Thor would be able to see. 

"Loki?" Thor called through the bathroom door. "Are you in the loo?"

"Yes," Loki called back. "Wait your turn!"

"Aye!" Thor said. 

They did not linger in Loki's condominium. Thor eagerly led Loki back to the Ford Focus and asked if they might stop at a cafe for breakfast and coffee. 

Loki agreed to drive to a cafe. 

They ate breakfast together. Then they got back into the car and Loki asked Thor if he would like to be dropped off at a mall or a library. 

"The library," Thor said. "I would like to read Terra's books."

"Don't force yourself," Loki muttered. 

Thor laughed. "I am genuinely curious to know what the Terrans are reading, this decade. Will you humor me, brother?"

"Very well," Loki said. "I'll drop you off at the public library." 

Thor directed one of his blinding smiles at Loki. The kind of smile that showed off all of his brightly glistening pearly whites. 

Loki squinted at him. 

"You slept well, did you not?" Thor said. "I slept better than I have in eons."

"Aye," Loki said. "I slept well."

"I'd almost forgotten about your spell of darkness," Thor said. "You always did that when we were boys. You would magically enforce darkness over your bedchamber before allowing me to sleep in your bed with you."

Loki began driving towards the library and directed his gaze out the windshield. 

"I do not mind it, of course," Thor said. "Will you allow me into your bed again tonight? Or should I make myself comfortable in the guest bedroom?"

Carefully, Loki murmured, "Whichever you prefer."

"I would prefer to sleep beside my brother," Thor said. "If you won't object?"

"I won't object," Loki said, stiffly. 

He spent the rest of the car ride dutifully keeping his eyes on the road, then parked in front of the local library. 

"Brother?" Thor said. "Will you look at me?"

Reluctantly, Loki turned towards Thor. 

"I hope I'm not hounding you?" Thor said. 

Loki scowled. 

"Would you tell me?" Thor said. "Will you tell me when I'm hounding you? I won't out stay my welcome."

"I'll tell you," Loki said, impatiently. "You're hounding me right now. I'll be late for my first class if you don't hurry up and leave my car."

Thor grinned. "Will I see you when your classes have finished?"

"Yes," Loki said. "I'll pick you up right here?"

"Hmm," Thor said. "I might walk around Westview? Might I simply walk back to your condominium and meet you there?"

"That suits me all the better," Loki said. "I'll see you this evening."

"Aye aye," Thor said. "I'll see you this evening, Beau." 

Thor lunged forward and planted a firm kiss upon Loki's forehead, then quickly got out of the car. He strode towards the public library like a man on a scholar's quest, cheerfully whistling. 

Loki sat there for a moment, blinking, and then used his magic to transport the Ford Focus back to the condo's driveway. 

He didn't want to drive anymore. He'd rather teleport directly to the university. It was what he normally did, so why continue the charade? All of his students knew Loki was a man with the ability to teleport at will. There was no need to hide the ability. 

When Loki teleported into his classroom, he found that a handful of students had arrived early. 

"Professor Ganley!" a student with long blonde hair said, gasping. "You're early!" 

"As are you," Loki said, frowning at her. "What are you children doing, hmm? I hope you haven't been conspiring against me?"

The blonde student was fair complected. When she blushed, her entire face flushed more deeply red than a red traffic light. 

A male student, who stood beside her, anxiously laughed and said, "We're not gossiping, sir, we're just, uh, we were studying?"

"Sure you were," Loki said. "Take a seat, students. Class won't begin for another twenty minutes. You may read or tackle your own private studies while we wait for your classmates to arrive."

The handful of students that had arrived early each arranged themselves into the front three rows. They clustered together like companions who were eager to remain within easy reach of each other. 

Loki ignored them and sat down behind his own desk. 

He used his magic to summon his lecture notes and none of the students commented on the display because they'd seen him do it before. 

Eventually, more students trickled in. When it was time for class to start Loki stood up and launched into his lecture. 

Today was the last day of the workweek. Tomorrow, on Saturday, he would need to find a shape shifter. It didn't need to be a Loki variant. He might speak with one of Nick Fury's Skrulls. 

Either way, he needed to bring a man who looked like Thor Odinson to the home of Headmistress Wanda Maximoff and Professor Victor Shade. He had until Saturday's dinner time to make the arrangements. 

Loki refused to attend this dinner with the real Thor Odinson. 

Thor simply didn't have a head for politics or espionage. He would flounder around with too much honesty. 

There was no help for it. If Loki failed to find a shape shifter who was willing to play the role, he would need to use one of his illusions to create a double. The double wouldn't be able to pick up a fork, but it would be able to politely pretend to sit in a chair and then perhaps state that had already eaten a large lunch. 

These were the thoughts Loki was thinking at the back of his mind while he gave his lecture. 

When the class was over, a red headed student approached Loki's desk. 

"I apologize, Professor Ganley," the red head said, frowning at his feet. "I know it's wrong, but I'm a telepath."

"Pardon?" Loki said. 

"I didn't mean to," the red head said, shifting on his feet uncomfortably. "But I heard about your problem? Um, I'm not a shape shifter. Technically speaking? I can't physically change my appearance, but I can use my telepathy to make someone who's looking at me see someone else. I can only do it on three people at a time, max, but if you only need to fool Professor Shade and his wife, I can make them think I look like Thor Odinson."

Loki glanced at the other students who were still filing out of the lecture hall. They continued walking towards the exit as if nothing were happening. 

"They can't hear me," the red head said. "I prevented them from hearing me."

"I see," Loki said. "What is your name?"

"Charles," the red head said. "Um, I was born with the gift. I apologize if I've offended you? I simply wanted to let you know that I'm willing to help you."

"You didn't offend me, Charles," Loki said. "I'm grateful for the offer."

The young man finally looked up. He directed a nervous smile at Loki.

You already know what Thor Odinson looks like? Loki thought. 

"Yes," Charles said. "I saw him yesterday. Briefly. While he was leaving campus. And I've seen him on TV several times. I'll use telepathy to make sure Maximoff and Shade see Thor Odinson while they look at me."

"Excellent," Loki said. "Shall I meet you at their home for dinner tomorrow? Or should we meet somewhere else beforehand?"

"We should probably meet somewhere else," Charles said. "And we need to make sure the man himself isn't anywhere in public while I'm impersonating him."

"Done," Loki said. "I'll take care of that."

"Thank you," Charles said, nodding. "I'll do my best to speak the way Thor speaks. I'll watch the footage of all of his public appearances."

"Good lad," Loki said. "I'll give you extra credit?"

"You don't need to give me extra credit," Charles said, chuckling. "I'm twenty nine years old, sir. I'm merely auditing this class for my own enrichment."

"Oh?" Loki said. "You aren't enrolled?"

"Not officially," Charles said, shrugging. "I simply... I wanted to learn more about the Egyptian aliens."

"Ah," Loki said. "I see."

Charles extended his right hand forward and raised an eyebrow. 

Loki raised his own eyebrow, but he took hold of the man's hand and firmly shook. 

"We should help each other because we're both mutants," Charles said. "Don't you think?"

"Yes," Loki said, nodding. "I will help you whenever you need my assistance. I will repay you for your assistance."

"Thank you, sir," Charles said. 

At this point, the rest of the class was empty. Charles casually strolled out of the room. 

A second later, Victor Shade poked his head into Loki's classroom. 

"Would you like to accompany me for lunch, Professor Ganley?" Professor Shade said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "Thank you for asking, Professor Shade."

The man blinked in surprise, but then he smiled. 

Loki followed Professor Shade to the university's cafeteria. He sat across from the man and watched as Professor Shade attempted to eat his meal. 

The man was a poor actor. 

He was also a man who wasn't actually capable of eating, but he was doing his best to pretend that he was eating. 

Loki politely ignored this and ate his own meal in silence. 

In all honesty, it was too early for lunch. The other people who were sharing the cafeteria with them were eating late breakfast brunches. 

He was not hungry, but Loki forced himself to eat even though he was not hungry. He knew he needed to invest in the charade. 

"Your wife tells me you're a fan of Thor Odinson," Loki said, when he was done eating. "You'd like an autograph?"

"Yes," Professor Shade said. "I hope you don't mind?"

"Not at all," Loki said. "I told her I would bring Thor to your house for dinner tomorrow."

"She told me," Professor Shade said. "We're looking forward to it. Wanda said she would make a roasted duck."

"I'm also looking forward to it," Loki said. 

Loki used his magic to remove half of Victor Shade's meal from his plate. He did this surreptitiously, so that none of the civilians surrounding them would notice. 

Professor Shade directed a grateful smile at Loki and then cleared his throat. 

"You've been an excellent professor," Professor Shade said. "I hope you know that?"

"You've also been an excellent professor," Loki said.  

Professor Shade leaned forward and gave Loki a wide and toothy smile. 

"Loki," Professor Shade whispered, while maintaining the large smile. "Are you feeling alright?"

Loki frowned. 

"I'm fine," Loki murmured. 

Professor Shade nodded. Then he picked up his tray and walked off towards the nearest trash can. He threw away the food that had been left untouched. 

Shrugging this off, Loki returned to his classroom. He didn't bother to walk there. Simply teleported from the cafeteria to the stadium lecture hall that he called his own. 

When he arrived, he found another group of students had gathered before the allotted time slot for his next class. 

"What are you students doing here?" Loki said, with his hands on his hips. "There isn't meant to be a class for another forty minutes, at least!"

The student with long blonde hair, who was clearly the leader of this illicit study group, looked at her watch and said, "Twenty three minutes, sir. We're only twenty three minutes early."

"Why are you so early?" Loki said. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"

The boy who stood beside her raised his hand in the air. 

"What is it?" Loki said. "Speak your mind, boy. You don't need to raise your hand.

Sheepishly, the boy lowered his hand and grinned with nervous energy. 

"Do you recognize me, sir?" the boy said. 

"You're one of my students," Loki said. 

"But do you know my name?" the boy said. 

"I apologize, but I have a lot of students," Loki said. "If you remind me of your name, I'll do my best to remember."

The boy sighed. 

"He isn't one of your students," the blonde student said. "He's only here because he's my boyfriend."

"Very well?" Loki said. "Your boyfriend may audit my classes whenever he likes. I won't object."

"Thank you, sir," the boy said. "Please don't force yourself to tolerate me? Um, I appreciate it, but I can just wait for Gwen to finish her class. I'll wait in the hallway outside?"

"There are plenty of chairs in this stadium hall," Loki said. "Sit with your girlfriend. Quietly study among yourselves until my lecture is scheduled to begin, hmm? Please behave yourselves."

"We'll be quiet," the blonde student said. "We'll read our books and let you work on your lecture?"

"See that you do," Loki said, imperiously. 

He sat down behind his desk and reviewed his lecture notes while the early students sat down in the front three rows in a circular huddle. They placed themselves in a formation where there were three students in each of the three rows to the far right of the stadium. 

Loki ignored them. 

When the rest of his class had settled into their seats, Loki performed his lecture. 

This time, he didn't need to remind the class to bring their essays to his desk before they left. They did so without prompting. 

Because it was Friday, Loki had two more classes. He sat behind his desk and waited for the next one. 

Victor Shade poked his head into Loki's classroom before the next class arrived. 

"Would you like some coffee?" Shade said. "Perhaps some tea?"

"No, thank you," Loki said. 

Shade nodded. He left. 

The next two classes passed quickly. Loki collected all the essays he would need to read over the weekend.

Then he teleported to his condominium and found Thor in the kitchenette. 

"I decided to purchase groceries," Thor said. "I hope you don't mind?"

Thor had covered the counterspace in grocery bags. He was going through the motions of unpacking everything into the fridge and available cabinet space. 

"I'm not a starving man," Loki said. 

"I know," Thor said. "But I wanted to make myself useful. If I'm going to live here, I would like to contribute to the household."

"Fine," Loki said. "Carry on. I won't object."

Thor grinned. 

Loki sighed. He didn't offer to help with the groceries. He simply left Thor in the kitchen and went to his office. 

There were essays that needed to be read and graded. 

Charles was a useful mutant. His telepathy was invaluable, so Loki hired him as a Teacher's Assistant. Whenever Headmistress Maximoff invited Loki and Thor to her house for dinner, Loki would bring Charles with him instead of Thor. 

He paid Charles handsomely and also gave him easy work as a TA who helped Loki grade tests and essays. 

Thor was a useful roommate. He contributed by cooking meals and repairing anything that needed repairing. Whenever he found an infestation of ant hills in the back patio, a leaking pipe, a loose doorknob, or a household problem of any kind, Thor would triumphantly pull out a toolkit and tackle the problem as if it were one of his wholesome quests with Lady Sif and the Warriors Three. 

Before Loki knew it, the semester was over. The time seemed to go by in a blink.

Like a movie montage. 

I loathe this nefarious magic, Loki thought. The Scarlet Witch is being a naughty witch, this decade. 

Before he could get further with the thought, Loki blinked and found himself sitting in front of a Christmas tree at the university staff party. 

Headmistress Maximoff was sitting beside him and holding out a cup of hot cocoa. 

"I got you a gift this year," Maximoff whispered. "Will you accept my gift?" 

"No," Loki said, flatly. 

Maximoff giggled light heartedly and pushed the cup of hot cocoa into his hands with insistence.

"I'm not going to poison you," Maximoff murmured. 

"You already poisoned me," Loki said. 

"No I didn't," Maximoff said. "I helped you. I saved you."

"What did you save me from, you silly woman?" Loki said. 

"Yourself," Maximoff said, with a sad smile. 

Their conversation was interrupted by an unsettling commercial break in which Tony Stark strolled up behind the couch they were sitting on in order to confidently advertise the time machine he'd built during the war with Thanos.

"Don't like the way the cookie crumbles?" Stark said, while smirking directly at Loki. "Change the channel. All it takes is one click of a button."

Stark tossed an ordinary looking TV remote into the air and Loki reflexively reached up to catch it with his left hand. 

"Wait!" Maximoff said, while glowing with faint scarlet light. "Don't change the channel!" 

Her hair began to levitate around her head as she sprang up to confront Stark, but Loki didn't stay to see how their fight would end. 

Loki pressed a button on Stark's remote and found himself outside Westview's city perimeter. There was a group of men and women in TVA uniforms standing in military formation a few feet away from a scarlet force field that had formed an ominous dome around the entire city.  

The force field was created by the Scarlet Witch's magic, of course. It had encased Westview's small town in her Mind Magic, thus pulling every citizen of Westview into the woman's TV land of theatrical nonsense. 

The telepathic mutant who had been hired as Loki's Teacher's Assistant casually stepped through the force field and moved to stand beside the TVA agents. 

It was Charles Xavier. 

His hair was no longer red. It had been dyed brown. 

Or perhaps his hair had originally been brown, but was dyed red within the world of Wanda Maximoff's TV series. 

I must have forgotten, Loki thought. I forgot he was one of Wanda's favored mutants. I even forgot I was one of the actors in Wanda's Truman Show. 

"You didn't forget," Charles Xavier said. "Your mind hid the knowledge deeply enough to escape Wanda's notice. You would remember for brief periods of lucidity, but then you would shove the information towards the back of your mind. You knew Wanda was actively reading your mind at all times."

"Did I?" Loki said, musingly. "I don't think I was consciously aware."

"Subconsciously," Charles Xavier said, with a gentle smile. "Your mind is a powerful tool, Loki Wordsmith. Without it, we wouldn't have saved so many people."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Where is Thor Odinson?"

"He's in New York," Charles Xavier said. "He left Westview as soon as you did."

"Then why is he in New York?" Loki said. 

"You've been asleep for a few days," Charles Xavier said. 

Charles Xavier casually shrugged his shoulders and the TVA agents who were standing motionlessly beside him vanished. The view of Westview also vanished. 

Loki found himself alone in a white void with a powerful telepath. 

"You're sitting in a wheelchair, aren't you?" Loki said. "You're bald now. Significantly older than you were when I first met you."

"Yes," Charles Xavier said. 

"Why did you interfere with my work?" Loki said. "Was I not good enough to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent?"

"Your work is finished, Loki," Charles Xavier said. "You already saved the people of Westview."

Loki sighed. 

"You've been asleep for a few days," Charles Xavier said, apologetically. "You'll wake up in a modest apartment in New York. It is the very same apartment you were living in before Wanda Maximoff found you."

"Did she really mistake me for one of her sons?" Loki said. "Or was that another fabrication?"

"She told me she would like to adopt you," Charles Xavier said. "Every time she makes the attempt, she changes her backstory. She will claim to be your biological mother, then she will claim to be your biological twin sister. If this fails to get your attention, she will then insist that she is a woman who was once your dead wife's biological sister. One time she even claimed to be your long lost granddaughter. She doesn't seem able to maintain a consistent backstory, but her wish remains the same. She would like you to be one of her family members."

"Why does she want me?" Loki said. 

"I don't know," Charles Xavier said. "But she's a grieving woman. She latched onto you as the only living relative within view. Her other family members died. Her fiancé died as well, shortly after they began planning a future together."

"What should I do?" Loki said. "Do you want me to remain in her company?"

"Is that what you want?" Charles Xavier said. 

"Give me my marching orders," Loki said. "I only have one request."

"What is your request?" Charles Xavier said. 

"Please keep her away from Thor," Loki said. "I don't want him to be trapped in her fantasies."

"You'll stay with her if I ask you to?" Charles Xavier said. "Do you think I need you to do that? You'll do it in order to help me?"

"Wanda Maximoff is a dangerous woman," Loki said. "She has more power than she realizes. If not I, who will keep her occupied?"

"How will you keep her occupied?" Charles Xavier said. 

"I'll carry on the same way I always have," Loki said. "Whether she wants me as a son or a brother or a husband or a wife, I'll do what she requires of me."

"No," Charles Xavier said. "Not this time."

Loki frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

Charles Xavier was a plain looking man in a plain looking button up shirt. His pants were an ordinary khaki. His loafers were scuffed and well worn. Even while standing in a white void, the man looked as real as flesh and blood while he stood there in front of Loki. 

Professor Xavier sighed, shook his head, and then managed to give Loki the sort of disapproving look that Loki hadn't seen in eons. It was the look of a royal tutor who was very disappointed to find that Loki had misinterpreted the historical texts they'd been reading. 

"Did I lose something in translation?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Professor Xavier said. "Something was lost in translation." 

"I apologize," Loki said. "What would you have me do, professor? I'll do what you ask of me."

"Please leave the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.," Professor Xavier said. "You should also leave the Time Variance Authority."

"I should?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Professor Xavier said. "You've earned your retirement. Please spend at least a decade on holiday?"

"Very well?" Loki said. "But why are you asking me to do that?"

"Hmm," Professor Xavier said. "Do I need a reason?"

"Yes," Loki said. "What will you gain?"

"Ah," Professor Xavier said. "Perhaps I will gain a companion. You might join me for a spot of chess, on occasion?"

Loki chuckled. 

He scrutinized the man before him. Looking more closely, the man bore no resemblance to Charles Ganley, the great great grandson of Arthur Ganley, of Europe. 

"Oh?" Professor Xavier said. "Did you mistake me for Charles Ganley?"

"Yes," Loki said. "I did. I must have lost my mind."

"You weren't out of your mind," Professor Xavier said. "You were being actively hypnotized by Wanda Maximoff."

"There's little difference," Loki said.

"You'll call me pedantic for nitpicking at these differences?" Professor Xavier said. "I would argue that details such as these should be emphasized."

"Is he dead?" Loki said. "The man I mistook you for. Do you know if he's alive? What year is it? Has he died of old age? How long was I in Westview?"

"It's 2025," Professor Xavier said. "Charles Ganley is alive and well. He's in his thirties. Thor is also alive and well. When you wake up, you'll find yourself in your New York apartment. Thor is there beside you. He's watching over you while you sleep."

"You said I was asleep for several days?" Loki said. "Comatose?" 

"Yes," Professor Xavier said. "I'm afraid the blame rests on my own shoulders."

"You induced a magical coma?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Professor Xavier said. "I needed to untangle you from Wanda's magic."

"Oh," Loki said, blinking. "Thank you."

Professor Xavier chose that moment to grant Loki a gentle smile. It was a smile that was still filled with disappointment, but also something else. 

Grief? 

Or perhaps Loki's imagination had gotten away from him.  

"Wake up," Professor Xavier whispered. 

With a gasp, Loki sat up in bed and was immediately confronted with Thor wrapping his arms around Loki's shoulders like a man who had been anxiously hovering at a dying loved one's hospital bed. 

"Can you hear me?" Thor said. "Are you well?"

"Aye," Loki said. "I'm well." 

Thor released Loki from the hug and pulled back to nervously peer into Lok's face. 

"You know me?" Thor said. 

"Why wouldn't I recognize Thor Odinson?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. 

Thor frowned. "Am I speaking with Loki Laufeyson?" 

"Obviously?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

Thor chuckled, nervously, and said, "Would Loki King like me to gather his breakfast?" 

Loki squinted at him. 

"Do you have an appetite?" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "I do." 

Thor nodded. Then he hurried off like an Asgardian cutlery maid and returned with a tray of breakfast items. Eggs, bread, potatoes, and generous sweeteners. Thor had even included a jug of cow's milk, which he offered up like a peasant before a noble lord. 

"What has gotten into you today, Thor?" Loki said. 

"I'm simply relieved to be reunited with Loki Laufeyson?" Thor said, with a sheepish smile. "I'm happy to know King Loki is awake and recovered from his illness?"

"Illness?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Thor said, simply. 

They didn't speak on the topic of Wanda Maximoff. They didn't discuss her or Professor Charles Xavier. 

They simply carried on as they always had. 

The only notable difference between them, as far as Loki could tell, was that Thor no longer insisted on calling Loki his brother. 

Instead, he addressed Loki with the respect a foreign king would typically direct at another king. 

It was a pleasant change of pace, so Loki made no pains to correct the behavior.

He was more than happy to indulge the fictitious crown of Jötunheimr if it meant Thor would conduct himself with more poise and dignity. 

For his part, Thor was simply pleased when Loki granted him permission to move into the New York apartment. 

They settled in together like two sailors who abruptly found themselves aboard a pirate's vessel: familiar enough with the demands of their boat, if not the demands of their captain. 

But that was fine. 

"Loki?" Thor said. 

"Yes?" 

They were walking through Central Park on a Saturday morning. 

"Might I ask you something?" Thor said. 

"Go ahead and ask, Thor," Loki said. 

"Would you like me to stay in New York?" Thor said. "Or will you send me on a quest?"

Loki blinked at him.

"What sort of quest are you expecting?" Loki said. 

"Any old quest?" Thor said. 

"You tire of New York?" Loki said. 

"No," Thor said. "But if you'd like to enjoy your privacy, I'll make myself useful. I'll gather magical items for your scientists? Or perhaps I'll help your agents with their adventures?"

"My agents?" Loki said. "I don't have any agents."

"Oh?" Thor said. "I thought you were working with S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"I was," Loki said, glancing about the park. 

It looked as if there weren't any civilians within hearing distance, but that was never a sure thing in New York. 

"Why are you bringing this up now?" Loki said. "Couldn't you wait until we were safely bundled inside the magical shields I put up around our apartment?"

"Magical shields?" Thor said. "I wasn't aware of them."

"Of course you weren't, you bumbling oaf," Loki said, huffing. 

"I apologize?" Thor said, grinning widely. 

"You don't look sorry in the least," Loki said, scowling. 

Thor tried to arrange his face into something more apologetic, but it was a failed effort. 

"What's wrong with you today?" Loki said. 

"Hmm," Thor said. "I'm very happy?"

"Why are you so happy?" Loki said, suspiciously. 

"I thought you would have sent me away by now," Thor said, chuckling. 

"Should I?" Loki said. "What would you like to do?"

"Whatever my king would ask of me," Thor said. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Since when are you a citizen of Jötunheimr?" 

"Since I knelt before your crown?" Thor said, with a hearty laugh. 

Loki smacked him on the shoulder. 

"Enough of that nonsense," Loki said. "I'm not sending you anywhere."

Abruptly, Thor reached out for one of his exuberant hugs. Unsurprised by the gesture at this point, Loki allowed the hug to linger for a moment. 

A Midgardian woman a few feet away from them pointed her device in their direction and took a photo. 

Loki scowled at her and pulled away from Thor. 

"Delete that!" Loki said. 

The woman blushed, turned away, and ran like a young girl determined to get away with her petty crime. 

Loki swore, colorfully, and debated whether or not to give chase. 

"Leave her be," Thor said, laughing boisterously. "A photo won't do us any harm."

"You'd be surprised," Loki muttered. 

Thor ignored this warning, as he always did. He put his arm around Loki's shoulders and cheerfully led Loki out of Central Park. 

Loki allowed it. 

Why not? 

He was taking a decade off, apparently. 

There was no work to be done, this decade, so Loki simply walked with Thor's beefy arm over his shoulder and quietly allowed himself to be led back to his apartment. 

Civilian life was an adjustment, but it was an adjustment he'd already made many times before. He would be fine. 

And he had Thor, this time. 

It was a small difference, but a difference all the same. 

The decade would pass peacefully. 

Chapter Text

Every witch Loki had ever met was exactly the same. They preferred to begin with niceties. 

The queen of Asgard wasn't well known for her witchcraft, but she was more a witch than she was a queen. She summoned Loki using pagan methods and then politely offered him a cup of tea when he appeared within the pentagram she had drawn with vines and finely crushed up bird bones. 

"I heard you were fond of tea, Bartimaeus," the queen of Asgard said. "Won't you accept this small token of hospitality?"

Loki smirked at her as she knelt before him with her eyes downcast and the tea cup tentatively held aloft. 

"I prefer coffee, these days," Loki said. "Won't you be a dear and fetch me a cuppa?" 

The witch giggled, but didn't answer. 

Today, his witch had been strict with her runes. Not only had she summoned him into Asgard's garden, but she'd even bound him into the physical form of his mortal youth. 

Critically, Loki examined his hands, his arms, and then looked further down at himself to confirm what he already knew to be true: he was pre-pubescent. Like a child who had only lived for a single decade. 

"Why won't you answer me, witch?" Loki said. "I demand coffee."

"Asgard does not serve coffee, Bartimaeus," the queen of Asgard murmured. "Will you settle for tea?" 

"Why wouldn't they serve coffee?" Loki said, glowering at her. "Is this the result of one of those nonsensical laws? Like that prohibition blather in the Americas?"

"Yes," the queen of Asgard said. "I apologize." 

Loki shrugged. "And why am I a child? Let's skip the tea ceremony."

"Please don't fret, cachorrinho," the queen of Asgard said, finally daring to lift her eyes towards his. "You will age like an ordinary Aesir man. You will be treated as one of our own and doted upon as a prince of the realm."

"Oh?" Loki said. "Why am I a prince of the realm?"

Carefully lowering the tea cup, the queen of Asgard poured its contents over the runes that had been carved around the pentagram caging Loki within the garden. The runes lit up as if the tea were some sort of ambrosia of the gods. 

"What's in the tea?" Loki said, suspiciously. 

"I confess, this isn't ordinary tea," the queen of Asgard said, coyly batting her eyelashes. "It would be more accurate to call it apple juice."

"Aha," Loki said, chuckling. "Idunn was here, was she? I thought she said she would never return to Asgard's hallowed halls?"

"She did say that," the queen of Asgard said, with a fond smile. "However, she made an exception. This decade, Idunn briefly returned to Asgard's palace. She said she would do anything for Bartimaeus of Muspelheim, so she returned to bless us with one of her apple trees."

"Bah," Loki said, waving off the idle gossip as if it were a pesky fly. "I'm no longer Bartimaeus of Muspelheim."

"How would my prince prefer to be addressed, this century?" the queen of Asgard said, tilting her head.

Loki rewarded the question with a toothy grin. 

"This century, I will be Loki," Loki said, grandly posing like a gold encrusted Pharaoh's statue. "Loki, god of fire and ice. Loki, god of time and spatial travel. Loki, god of chaos, mischief, and storytelling."

"Very good, Prince Loki," the queen of Asgard said, approvingly. "I will be your mother. Asgard's Allmother, known as Queen Frigga, and the goddess of healing."

"That suits me fine," Loki said. "Let me out of this cage, Allmother." 

Frigga slowly stood up and dusted off her skirts. 

"One moment, Prince Loki," Frigga said, apologetically. "I cannot be the mage to free you."

"Why can't you?" Loki said. 

"I would like you to be a companion for my son," Frigga said. "He will be the mage to free you."

"Which son?" Loki said. "I've heard tale that Frigga of Asgard has countless children."

"Aye," Frigga said. "This son, however, has been raised as an only child. He knows nothing of his half-blooded brothers and sisters."

"Your youngest, then?" Loki said, squinting back down at the scrawny knees he'd been saddled with. "Did you match my age to his?"

At least Loki was well dressed. He was wearing fine Asgardian linens and his shorts had been sown with generous pockets. Loki casually placed his hands into these pockets and tried to arrange himself like a normal Aesir boy ready to stroll about Asgard's lavish gardens. 

"Prince Thor is indeed my youngest," Frigga said. "He is also the son my husband chose as the future king of Asgard."

"My, oh my," Loki said,. "You'll turn me into a kingly advisor?" 

"No," Frigga said. "You will simply be Loki, my second son. You will keep your brother company on his adventures. With your magic, you will keep Prince Thor safe."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Is Prince Thor a reckless boy?"

Bashfully, Frigga said, "Indeed. He is a very reckless boy."

"Then I'll do my duty and protect the king's bloodline," Loki said, giggling at the prospect. "I'll simply need to keep the foolish boy alive? Easy work."

"Very easy work," Frigga said, nodding. 

"Go on, then," Loki said, dismissively waving the witch away. "Fetch your son. Allow him to be the mage that frees me from the pentagram. I'll be bound to him as a faithful djinn to a hapless mageling." 

"Thank you, Prince Loki," Frigga said, respectfully bowing before turning her back on him. 

With the hurried stride of a woman who was eager to finish the day's magic, Frigga quickly moved out of view. 

Loki sighed. 

This was the tiresome part. 

The part where he had to simply wait in place like Excalibur buried in its grand slab of stone. Instead of being buried in stone, however, Loki was trapped in Asgard's garden with nothing but trees, vines, and ground up bird bones for company. 

She should have left me a book at the very least! Loki thought, fuming. Where are her manners? That silly witch brought me tea when what she should have done was offer me one of those novels I haven't had the pleasure to read yet. 

It was too late to scold the queen of Asgard, so Loki simply stood there and waited for the time to pass. 

When the prince finally arrived he found Loki standing with his hands still stuffed into his pockets. 

"Brother?" Thor said, frowning at Loki critically. "Have you been using Transformative Magic?"

Loki knew the Allmother would have planted false memories to help with the transition, but the witch had failed to tell Loki anything about what she had fabricated. Loki looked down at his Asgardian linens and wondered where his illusion had shattered. 

"Did you want to play a prank on Lady Sif?" Thor said, nervously glancing around. "Perhaps not, brother. She might stab you as a Frost Giant."

Oh, Loki thought. I forgot to change my skin color. 

Snapping his fingers, Loki used his magic to copy the shade of Thor's peach skin. 

"Aha," Thor said, chuckling. "I wouldn't want to be stabbed either, brother."

"Would you come here, boy?" Loki said, impatiently. "Cross the line of my pentagram and release me."

Loki had never been good with children. They required tact, gentle words, and nappies. Loki had none of these things and didn't care to learn, but at least this princely mageling was old enough to take himself to the loo. 

"Do you want to look wise?" Thor said. "Your hair is still as white as an old man's beard."

"What color should my hair be?" Loki said. "Blonde, like yours?"

"Of course not," Thor said, with a wide grin. "All of Asgard knows that my younger brother is as raven haired as the very night. If you were to use your magic to parade around as a blonde, it would be very sad."

"Sad?" Loki said. "Why would it be sad?"

Thor took a moment to think about this. His brows furrowed as he struggled against the fabricated memories that his mother had planted. 

"It doesn't matter," Loki said, hastily. "I'll be brunette. Calm down?"

Loki darkened his hair and tried to give the boy a reassuring smile. 

This consoled the young Aesir. He finally stepped across the pentagram and put his arm over Loki's shoulder. 

"You are as beautiful as Snow White," Thor declared, like a young man who was repeating words he'd heard from his elders. 

Loki tolerated the arm over his shoulder. Thor was taller than him, but he was still a pre-pubescent Aesir. An actual child, instead of a demon pretending to be a child. 

I will have patience with this master, Loki told himself, sternly. This century, I'm a glorified nurse maid and a bodyguard. 

However, Loki had a finite amount of patience. As the young boy led Loki through his mother's garden, Loki quickly grew bored and teleported to Asgard's library. 

He figured there was little chance a reckless Aesir boy would catch his death while on Asgard's planet. The Allmother had asked Loki to accompany her son on his adventures. Whenever the boy left the planet for a quest, Loki would follow him. 

But while the boy was safely nestled in Asgard's bosom, there was no reason to stick close. Loki would enjoy the Asgardian library at his leisure until he was called off planet. 

There were a few titles that he wanted to re-read, but he also wanted to see what had been added to the collection since his last visit. 

Before long, Loki was sitting at a reading nook with a pile of books stacked around him. 

Thor found Loki there a few hours later and groaned theatrically. 

"Did Mother put you up to this, brother?" Thor said. "You've spent enough time on your studies. Would you like to go back outside?"

"No thank you," Loki said. "Run along with your peers, hmm? What was the name of your companion... Lady Sif? Go and hound Lady Sif."

Thor pouted. "Won't you accompany me instead, brother? I haven't seen you in ages."

"You saw me a few hours ago," Loki said, tilting his head. 

"Ages!" Thor insisted. "Eons!" 

"Sit down, then," Loki said. "Today, I will read. If you would like my company you will quiet down, like a good boy, and make yourself comfortable."

Thor stood there and absorbed the words like a young man who had just heard a dramatic recitation in a foreign language for the first time in his short life. He blinked and gaped with his mouth hanging open. 

"Please don't fret, cachorrinho," Loki cooed, in imitation of the boy's mother. "I will find you a tasty treat if you behave yourself, yes? Perhaps one of those sugary confections your people are so weary of."

"Cachorrinho?" Thor said. "What is a cachorrinho?"

"A puppy," Loki said. 

"A puppy?" Thor said. "What is a puppy?" 

Loki frowned. 

"Does Asgard not have any animals, this century?" Loki said. 

"Of course we have animals," Thor said. "We have goats, horses, unicorns, and donkeys." 

"Hmm," Loki said. "No canines to speak of?"

"Canine?" Thor said, paling. "The werewolves?"

"Aha," Loki said, chuckling. "I've found a superstition?" 

"Superstition?" Thor said, nervously glancing around. 

The other people in the library were keeping to themselves. Each scholar had sequestered his or herself away in their own reading nook. Most had used spells to maintain a bubble of silence around their area, but even the few who hadn't weren't bothering to eavesdrop. They saw nothing of interest from two young boys chatting in a library. 

"Bah," Loki said. "I suppose I'll return to my books at a later time."

This brightened Thor up considerably. He cheerfully assisted Loki in reshelving each book and then led the way back towards the Allmother's garden. 

Once outside, Thor proudly pointed out Idunn's apple tree and offered to climb it to fetch two apples. 

"If you'd like?" Loki said. "I won't be climbing."

"Fear not!" Thor said, thumping himself on the chest. "You can count on your big brother to provide for you!"

"My hero," Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

Thor laughed. 

Then the silly boy climbed the tree with all the reckless abandon of a Viking. Loki used his magic to create an invisible safety net around the tree and was cross when Thor failed to fall into the safety net. 

It would have been amusing to watch the boy float in midair. Perhaps he would have floundered about, stupefied, and been impressed by the display of magic. 

Alas, the boy did not fall. 

Thor nimbly climbed down with two apples and then cheerfully held one of them out towards Loki. 

I haven't tasted Idunn's apples in eons, Loki thought, cautiously accepting the apple. I suppose I should appreciate the magic while it lasts. 

The Aesir were enraptured by Idunn's apples for a reason. They knew her Jötunn Magic had seeped into the fruit and that it would be transferred to any who ate the apple. They called it eternal youth, beauty, and power. 

Loki knew the Jötunn Magic didn't grant any of those things. The Aesir who ate Idunn's apples were already immortal. They were already beautiful. They were already powerful. 

In reality, all that they gained from the fruit was a bond with Terran soil. The far away planet, known as Midgard among the Aesir, was a place most of them would never visit. 

Yet those that did visit would find that the planet's very mantle would welcome any that had eaten Idunn's apples. The mountains would move, the tectonic plates would tremble, the very Earth would twist and bend around their will. 

That was the true power of Idunn's Jötunn Magic. 

Loki thought of these things as he ate, but kept the information to himself. Thor was too young to understand. There was no point in sharing the knowledge. 

Thor's fingers were sticky with juices by the time he finished his apple. When he reached out to put his dirty hands upon Loki's shoulder, Loki used a spatial jump to dodge it; teleporting just to the left of the boy. 

Thor pouted. 

"Give me your hands, boy," Loki said. "I will clean them."

Grinning, Thor held his hands out and allowed Loki to clear away all of the fruit's lingering residue. 

"There," Loki said. "Now you may touch me. Don't you dare reach for me with dirty hands, you silly boy. I won't tolerate that sort of nonsense, do you hear me?"

"Aye," Thor said. "I'll keep this in mind, brother."

"See that you do," Loki said, imperiously. 

Thor was a prince of Asgard, but he was also a tiny sapling. A child, a babe, a boy. So he flushed and stared at Loki with wide eyes, like a virginal maiden who feared for her virtue. 

Loki sighed. 

Then Thor, with his clean hands, wrapped his arms around Loki and buried his face in Loki's hair. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "Did I scold you too harshly?" 

"No, brother," Thor murmured. "I'm simply pleased to have won your company. It is a rare gift."

"A rare gift?" Loki said. 

"Yes," Thor whispered. "I haven't seen you in eons. Normally, you teleport at the very sight of me. I hunt you down, but you teleport again and again. Teasingly, you laugh at me and tell me that I will never win your company."

His mother was certainly creative with her false memories, Loki thought. 

"I apologize?" Loki said. 

"Should I study with you?" Thor said. "I swear to you, I will be a good student. If you allow me to study with you, I will... what did you say? Sit quietly? I will read beside you?"

Loki grinned. "You'll return to the library with me?"

"Yes," Thor said. "We've had our snack. Do you yearn for the library? You would like to make yourself into a scholar?"

"I'd love nothing more," Loki said, triumphantly. 

Thor pulled back from the hug to intently study Loki. 

"I thought Mother was forcing the books on your head," Thor said, thoughtfully. "You really would like to be a scholar? Truly?"

"Is that such a shock?" Loki said. 

"I suppose it isn't," Thor said. "Bah. I will also be a scholar."

"No you won't," Loki said, poking the muscle that was already sprouting on the boy's upper arm. "You'll be a warrior prince."

"Can I be a warrior prince who guards your reading nook?" Thor said, with a hopeful smile. "I'll fetch your books for you and dutifully prevent anyone from disturbing your studies?"

"Aha!" Loki said, gleefully. "That's a good lad. Yes! This is what you will do."

Thor beamed as brightly as a boy who had just received a box of chocolates. 

"Come closer, boy," Loki said. "I'll bring you with me when I teleport this time."

Eager as a puppy, Thor embraced Loki and was pleased to be pulled through a portal directly to Asgard's library. 

"Do you remember reshelving the books I had earlier?" Loki said. "Remember where we placed them?" 

"Aye!" Thor said. "I remember the books we shelved."

"Good boy," Loki cooed. "Fetch my books. Go, go, go!" 

The young Aesir really was a dog. He ran off to collect Loki's books and promptly returned with them. Neatly, he stacked them onto the desk within Loki's reading nook and then straightened up like a court knight who'd just completed a dire quest. 

Thor stuck his chin up and cheerfully saluted, while breathing heavily. The poor boy had run for the books in order to return more quickly.  

Loki rewarded this behavior by reaching up to ruffle the blonde locks upon the boy's head. 

"Good lad," Loki said, approvingly. "You're a very good cachorrinho."

"Aye!" Thor said, fiercely blushing. "I'll be your cachorrinho, brother! Please don't send me away!" 

"I won't send you away," Loki said. "You may remain within my reading nook. If you'd like to read, you may read, but you may also... hmm... are you a boy who enjoys to sketch? I can give you blank pages and the tools to draw?"

"Draw?" Thor said. 

"You strike me as a visual learner," Loki said, tilting his head. "A boy who would rather spend his time with painting?"

"Painting?" Thor said. 

"No?" Loki said. "What would you like to do with your time, Prince Thor?"

Thor stood there blinking, bemusedly, and then said, "Pardon?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "Perhaps we lost something in translation."

"Translation?" Thor said. 

"How old are you, boy?" Loki said. 

"I'm thirteen this year," Thor said, proudly. 

Loki groaned. 

Then Loki summoned blank pages, crayons, and one of those children's menus he'd grabbed from a Terran restaurant once upon a time. 

He spread them out in front of Thor and even drew a demonstrative sketch of a puppy he'd seen on Terra. 

Thor was fascinated by this sketch. He spent a few hours attempting to recreate it with the crayons, but wasn't able to manage it. 

It didn't matter. 

Thus occupied with the challenge, Thor was nice and quiet. 

Loki happily spent a few hours reading in peaceful silence. 

When Thor spoke again, he whispered, "It was my own fault."

Loki glanced up from his book. 

"What was your fault?" Loki said. 

Thor was frowning down at the puppy sketch. 

"You were enjoying yourself as a snake," Thor said, hesitantly. "Mother said you wouldn't have stabbed me if I'd left you alone, but I insisted on picking up the snake. I didn't know you were a snake, brother. I simply saw a snake and wanted to admire it. Mother said I disturbed you."

He must be thinking on one of the fabricated memories, Loki thought. 

"Bah," Loki said. "Let sleeping dogs lie."

"Sleeping dogs?" Thor said, looking up. 

"Pardon me," Loki said. "I suppose my idioms are out of date."

"Out of date?" Thor said. 

This is why I loathe speaking to children! Loki thought, huffing. 

"I apologize!" Thor said. "Please don't run away from home, brother!" 

"Aye!" Loki said. "Please quiet yourself, brother!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "I'll be as quiet as a mouse!"

"So you have mice on Asgard, then," Loki said, dryly. 

"Pardon?" Thor said. 

"Never you mind," Loki said. "Would you like more paper? Did you fill up every blank page with your attempts?"

Thor winced and looked down at his failed sketches. They didn't look anything like the puppy Loki had drawn. 

Perhaps this was a blow to the boy's self esteem. 

"Do you need me to draw it again?" Loki said. "I'll draw it more slowly, this time, so that you might watch?"

Thor grinned. "You will?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Watch carefully."

He summoned more pages and picked up a crayon. Thor leaned forward to watch, enraptured, and then he attempted to copy Loki's movements. 

It took a few repetitions, but after Loki had allowed Thor to watch him draw a dozen puppies, Thor was able to create his own approximation. 

Because he was a thirteen year old boy, Thor was delighted by the accomplishment. 

At least children are easy to please, Loki thought. 

"This is why I missed you, brother," Thor said, tearfully. "None are as wise as my brother!"

"Very well?" Loki said. "I promise not to stab you."

"I promise not to disturb the snakes!" Thor said. "Even if the snakes are not you, I won't dare to pick them up!"

"Thank you?" Loki said. "Erm... that is very generous of you."

"May I hug you, brother?" Thor said, sniffing. "I missed you terribly."

"For how long did you miss me?" Loki said.

"Five long years!" Thor said, mournfully. "You disappeared without a trace!"

"I see," Loki said, thoughtfully. 

"I'll be a good brother this time," Thor said, urgently. "I won't tease you and I won't ask you to pick up a sword."

"I'm fine with swords," Loki said. 

"But you prefer knives," Thor said. "You prefer the bow and arrow. You prefer to battle with magic, arrows, and knives."

"Hmm," Loki said. "This is true."

"Lady Sif will not trouble you," Thor said. "She swore upon Idunn's tree that she would forgive you for cutting her hair."

"Aye?" Loki said. "Why did I cut her hair?"

"You were justified, brother!" Thor said. "After you vanished, Hogun came forward and said you had sought to punish Lady Sif on his behalf!"

"On Hogun's behalf?" Loki said, rubbing his temples. "Which boy is Hogun?"

Loki had a pounding headache building up behind his eyes, but he squinted through it and tried to focus on the Aesir who sat before him. 

"We learned that Hogun is half elf on his mother's side," Thor said, furtively glancing around. "Lady Sif was very rude to the elves of Vanaheim. She offended Hogun with her prejudice, but he didn't dare tell her that he was half elf."

The headache abruptly vanished. Loki sighed in relief. 

"Brother?" Thor said. "Are you well?"

"Aye," Loki said. 

Loki cleared his throat. 

"Where are your companions?" Loki said. 

"Lady Sif and Hogun?" Thor said. 

"Yes?" Loki said. "Do they live nearby?"

"Their families have been granted rooms within the palace," Thor said. "I suppose Hogun is with Fandral? He spends most of his time with Fandral. Lady Sif might be training with the horse master? She said she wanted to learn how to ride like a majestic warrior."

"Good lass," Loki said. "Horse riding is a valuable skill."

Thor straightened up and began to faintly glow. His hair floated about his face and he grinned as suppressed magic leaked out of his very pores. 

"Are you alright?" Loki said. 

"I've mastered the horses, brother!" Thor said, with the kind of raw enthusiasm only a thirteen year old boy could muster. "Would you like to ride a horse with me? You can sit in front of me and I'll hold you in place so you don't fall?"

"I already know how to ride horses," Loki said. "I won't need to be held."

Abruptly, Thor's hair flattened and the light that had shone about him snuffed itself out. 

"You already know how to ride horses?" Thor echoed. "When did you learn? Who taught you?"

"What does it matter?" Loki said. 

"Did you find better playmates while you were gone, brother?" Thor said. "Did they treat you well? Did they keep you warm? Did they-"

"So many questions," Loki huffed. "Would you settle down?"

"I missed you terribly!" Thor cried. 

"Shush now," Loki said. "I apologize for my absence, but I'm here now. Will you please... erm... you know what? Let's ride a horse together."

"Truly?" Thor said. "You'll ride a horse with me?"

"Yes," Loki said, impatiently. "Let's go. I'll sit in front of you, just as you said."

"Sincerely?" Thor said, doubtfully squinting. "You won't vanish as soon as I turn my back?"

"I won't vanish," Loki said. "I've tortured you enough today. You were a good boy, so you deserve a reward. Let's go find ourselves a horse."

"I wasn't tortured," Thor said. "I've mastered the arts, Barty! Look!"

Thor pointed at his shoddy sketch. It was true that his last attempt looked much more like a puppy than any of the others he had drawn. 

"Very good," Loki said, sighing. 

"Why do you sigh?" Thor said. 

"Would you do me a small favor?" Loki said. "Instead of Barty, will you address me as Loki?"

"Aye?" Thor said. "You're changing your name again?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Henceforth, I will be known as Loki."

"I'll tell the others," Thor said. "I'll tell them that they must address you as Prince Loki."

"Thank you, Prince Thor," Loki said. 

Thor frowned. 

"Is something the matter?" Loki said. 

"No?" Thor said. "But I fear my brother is quite sad today?"

"No, no," Loki said. "I'm not sad."

"We don't need to ride a horse," Thor said. "We can ride horses another day. The horses won't go anywhere."

"What would you rather do?" Loki said. 

"I'd rather see a smile upon your face," Thor said, propping his chin up on his palm. 

Loki squinted at the boy. 

"What did you do while you were gone?" Thor said. "Was it a great deal of fun? Do you miss the companions you spent the time with?"

There was a bright flash of blue light in Loki's peripheral vision and a ringing in his ears. He winced, closed his eyes, and roughly massaged his temples. 

"Brother?" Thor said. "Loki?"

"One moment," Loki whispered. 

Thor quieted. 

It was the question, Loki thought. This boy asked me a question. What was it?

The words were already gone. The words were erased. His mind had been tampered with. 

Then there was a voice in his head, which whispered,  Do you miss the companions you spent the time with?

"Of course I miss them," Loki murmured. "But they're gone now. They've gone."

"Gone?" Thor said. "Where have they gone?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I have no Earthly idea."

He opened his eyes and blinked moisture out of them. 

"Why do you cry?" Thor said. 

"Cry?" Loki said. "I'm not crying."

"Did your companions perish?" Thor said. "They went to Valhalla?"

"No!" Loki shouted.

Then he winced and said, more calmly, "No, Thor. Of course not. They're alive and well."

"Where are they?" Thor said. 

"I have no idea, I said!" Loki said. 

Terra, the voice in Loki's head said. Your companions live on Terra. 

"Terra," Loki said. "They live on Terra."

"Where is that?" Thor said. 

"Midgard," Loki said. "Earth."

"Do you want to return to them?" Thor said. "Should I ask Father to grant us permission to visit Midgard?"

Yes! the voice in Loki's head said. Tell him that he must do that! Post haste!

"Yes," Loki said, breathlessly. "Please?"

Thor nodded.

"I'll ask him right now," Thor said, softly. "Will you wait here? Or perhaps meet me in the Great Hall? You must be hungry. We'll have dinner and then we'll pack for our journey?"

"Excellent," Loki said, briskly. "I'll meet you in the Great Hall."

"One more hug?" Thor said, tentatively. 

Loki nodded. 

He gave the boy a firm hug, then watched Thor jog out of the library. None of the adults scolded him for his hurry. Most of them didn't even glance in his direction. 

Loki teleported to the Great Hall. He'd been there many times before. He knew that all he had to do was sit upon a table and grab one of the empty plates. The tables in Asgard's Great Hall were communal. The food was spread out like a buffet. He didn't pay attention to the food he grabbed for himself. Simply reached for the nearest morsel and put it upon his plate. 

A boy who was significantly slimmer than Thor, but just as tall, sat down beside Loki. 

"Do you remember me, Prince Bartimaeus?" the boy whispered. 

Loki sighed. 

"Fear not," the boy whispered. "I won't allow Lady Sif to attack you. She is a strong warrior, but she blusters around like a chicken without a head. Easy to defeat, I say! If she were to challenge you to a warriors duel, I would gladly battle her on your behalf."

"Thank you," Loki said. "But I'm not Prince Bartimaeus."

"Did you change your name?" the boy said. 

"From today onwards, I'm Prince Loki," Loki said. 

"Thank you for telling me," the boy said. "I'm Hogun of Vanaheim. Please be comfortable, Prince Loki. I'll protect you from the Aesir."

"Thank you?" Loki said. "But I don't need protection."

"I'll protect you anyway," Hogun said. "I owe you a debt."

"Is this about an incident where I allegedly cut the hair of Lady Sif?" Loki said. "You should know, I won't take credit for any noble acts of revenge. Whatever it is you think I've done on your behalf, know that I didn't do a thing on your behalf. I would rather do things on my own behalf."

"Aye," Hogun said, with a grin. "You are simply a boy who enjoys a bit of mischief, eh? I know this well."

"Do you?" Loki said. 

Hogun nodded, chuckled, and then said, "Whatever your reason, I was glad to see Lady Sif with her miserable bob. It took her ages to grow the hair back out. Even if you did it for selfish reasons, I was glad to see her suffer the slight."

"A boy after my own heart," Loki said, placing his palm against his chest. 

Hogun blushed. 

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Thor said he would ask his father for permission to visit Midgard. Would you like to accompany us?"

"Yes!" Hogun said. "Might I invite Fandral?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Go ahead and invite your favored companion."

"Thank you, Prince Loki!" Hogun said. "You are as generous as you are handsome!"

Loki laughed. 

Then he took a hearty bite out of his meal. It was roasted lamb's meat. The seasoning was a bit bland, but it did well enough to curb his appetite. 

Eventually, Thor sat across from them. He cheerfully told them that King Odin had granted them permission to visit Midgard under the condition that they bring his uncle. A man known as Volstagg the Enormous. 

"Adult supervision, hmm?" Loki said. "That's fine, I suppose."

"Volstagg is as jolly as Saint Nicholas," Hogun said. "I'm always pleased with his company."

"Aye!" Thor said, enthusiastically chomping into his meat. 

"Hogun said he would like to invite Fandral," Loki said. "Is that alright with you, Thor?"

With cheeks full of food, Thor nodded. 

"Marvelous," Loki said. "We have a plan."

"If Fandral requests we extend the invitation to Lady Sif we must firmly tell him that we won't," Hogun said. "We'll tell him Lady Sif cannot be trusted to behave herself in Prince Loki's company. Therefore, she is banished from all of our adventures!"

Thor swallowed his food. 

"Permanently banished?" Thor said. "Or temporarily banished?"

"Permanently!" Hogun said. 

"Let's not be hasty," Loki said. "We'll say she is temporarily banished."

Hogun pouted. 

"Be reasonable," Loki said, reaching out to ruffle the hair upon Hogun's head. 

Hogun grinned. 

"You are too forgiving," Hogun said, chuckling. 

"Am I?" Loki said. "Or are you too unforgiving?" 

"Nay," Hogun said. "I'm as unforgiving as my mother raised me to be."

Loki smirked. "Aye? What grievances does she carry?" 

Hogun glanced away. "They are grievances that I must not speak of in polite company?"

"Oho," Loki said. "Good thing there is no polite company to be found here."

Thor snorted in amusement and carried on with his meal. 

For his part, Hogun stuffed a bread roll into his mouth and shrugged. 

Loki wagged a finger at him. 

"I'll wrestle your secrets from you one day," Loki said. "But I suppose that day is not today."

Hogun nearly choked on his bread roll just then. Loki feared he would need to employ a maneuver that would involved punching the boy in the gut, but then Hogun spat the chewed up bread onto his plate and saved himself. 

"Careful," Loki said, giggling. "You'll die at this rate."

"I apologize, Prince Loki!" Hogun said, with his face set aflame. "I've forgotten my manners!"

"Bah," Loki said. "We don't need manners, right Thor?"

"Aye!" Thor said, grinning with a mouth full of peas. 

Hogun laughed when one of the peas fell out of Thor's mouth. 

They continued to casually chat and laugh as they finished their meal and then they went into their bedchambers to pack for the journey to Midgard. 

Loki might have gotten lost at this point if Frigga hadn't appeared in the halls of Asgard to lead him towards the bedchamber that she had already prepared for him. Inside the bedchamber, Loki saw that Frigga had given him a generous wardrobe and a bookshelf stuffed with advanced magework textbooks. 

"You're a good witch," Loki said, when he spotted these books. 

"You're a good wizard," Frigga said. "I know my son will be safe in your care."

"Aye," Loki said. "He will live long and prosper."

Frigga giggled, girlishly, and then leaned down to give Loki a kiss upon his forehead. 

Loki winked at her. 

Then the two of them packed a travel bag with suitable clothes, books, and a collection of potions that would be useful for healing; just in case Thor or his companions earned themselves any scrapes or bruises while adventuring on Midgard.

When this was done, Frigga accompanied Loki and Thor to the Bifrost with Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg. 

The Watcher who stood guard over Asgard's rainbow bridge, Heimdall, gave Loki a warm smile.

"You'll spend a few months on Midgard?" Heimdall said. 

Loki nodded. 

"Aye!" Thor said, boisterously. "We'll spend a few months on Midgard!"

"You'll return for holidays," Frigga said. "Won't you, darling?"

"Of course, Mother," Thor said. "We will also return for your birthday."

"Good lad," Frigga said. 

She gave Thor a kiss on his cheek. The boy was nearly the same height as her, so she didn't need to bend down the way she had done for Loki. 

Why is he so much taller than me? Loki thought. We're meant to be the same age, physically, but he and his companions all tower over me like giants.

It didn't matter. Frigga had said Loki would age normally, so he would catch up to their height. Eventually. 

Perhaps he would also make a growth potion to speed up the process. 

But there would be plenty of time for projects like that. 

Later. 

Loki would do that later. 

Today, he would visit Midgard. 

He'd already forgotten what he was seeking on Midgard, but Thor had the sharp mind of youth on his side. 

He knew his brother was searching for missing companions. 

Once Heimdall activated the Bifrost, he sent them off and their group landed in New York, New York. 

Heimdall chose this destination because it was the last place Loki had been spotted when he'd vanished from Heimdall's magical sight five years previously. 

He knew enough to know that Loki would want to retrace his footsteps. 

Not only did they land in New York, but they landed in the middle of Central Park and were greeted by screaming children who laughed and chased each other around with foam swords. 

"Oh," Loki said. "Are they LARPing?"

Thor hefted his magical hammer and said, "I will defeat them!"

"No!" Loki said. "Their weapons won't stand up to Mjölnir!"

"All the better!" Thor said. 

"Wait, Prince Thor!" Hogun said. "You must wait!" 

Thor stood with his glowing hammer held up, but paused to look at Hogun. 

"Why must I wait?" Thor said. 

Volstagg laughed. 

"These children are not warriors, Prince Thor," Volstagg said, with the cheerful patience of a true saint. "They are simply children with toys."

"Aye?" Thor said. 

Looking disappointed, Thor lowered his hammer. 

Loki scowled at him. 

"Don't attack the people of Terra," Loki said, sternly.

"Aye," Volstagg said. "You must not attack any of the fragile mortals, Prince Thor. They'll die if you attack them."

"They'll die?!" Thor said, gasping at the prospect. 

"We are much stronger than them," Fandral said, puffing his chest out. "We have a duty to guard them against werewolves and mermaids."

"Werewolves and mermaids?" Loki said. "Why would they be attacked by werewolves and mermaids?"

"Because the blood of a mortal is a siren's song?" Fandral said, thoughtfully rubbing his chin. "That's what my father says."

"Ignore your father," Hogun said. "Your father is a foolish man, Fandral."

"Aye?" Fandral said. 

"My mother thinks your father should be thrown out of the Council of Wise Men," Hogun said, matter of factly. "Therefore, he must be very stupid indeed."

"Your mother is more wise than all of those men put together," Volstagg said, laughing heartily. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Where should we go, gentlemen? Should we seek a hostel?"

The children around them were carrying on with their game. It looked like they were playacting a war. None of them seemed surprised or dismayed by the arrival of uninvited Asgardians, which was good. Though it was also a bit annoying to be so thoroughly ignored. 

"The people of Earth prefer to call them hotels, these days," Volstagg said. 

"Oh?" Loki said. "A hotel, then. Let us find a hotel."

"Aye aye!" Thor said. "We will find a hotel!"

With his chin confidently raised, Thor marched forward and attempted to lead his group out of Central Park. 

However, the boy did not know how to find the park's exit. Eventually, Volstagg took over as the group's leader. He led them out of the park and down a sidewalk. 

They walked for some time, then found a hotel. 

Volstagg had a card that he handed to the Terran employee at the hotel desk. This employee inserted the card into her computer and then gave Volstagg a similar looking card that she said would unlock the door to all of their rooms. She also handed him a little folder that contained more cards, one for each of them, so that they could all access the rooms, and then returned the original card that Volstagg had given her. 

"Will we be able to break fast while we stay here?" Loki said. "Is there a kitchen staff?"

"Yes," the Terran employee said. "There's a complimentary breakfast from seven a.m. to ten a.m., but if you sleep past ten you'll miss the breakfast."

"Good to know," Loki said. 

The Terran employee smiled down at him.

Loki frowned. 

"Carry on with your work," Loki said, dismissively. "That'll be all."

The employee laughed, then looked up at Volstagg. 

"Cute kid," she said. 

"Yes," Volstagg said. "He certainly is."

Loki huffed. 

Thor put his arm over Loki's shoulder and said, "He is the fairest in all the land!"

"Yes, yes," Fandral said. "As beautiful as Snow White, as fierce as a tiger, and as mischievous as the darkest dark elf."

Loki smirked at Fandral. 

"A dark elf?" Loki murmured. "I'd be more than happy to conduct myself as a dark elf."

Fandral blinked. 

Hogun giggled. 

Then Volstagg was leading them away from the Terran employee and towards an elevator. 

I've seen these before, Loki thought. These boxes are being pulled by mechanized ropes? 

He tried to remember the details, but the details were escaping from him as he stood in the over crowded elevator. 

There were several Terrans in the elevator. 

Too many of them. They'd stubbornly squeezed in and Loki had ended up sandwiched in between Thor and Fandral. 

Fandral leaned down towards Loki and whispered, "Will you share a room with me?"

"Why would I do that?" Loki said. 

Thor snaked his arms around Loki's waist and hotly said, "He'll share a room with me, of course!"

"There you have it," Loki said. "I'll be sharing a room with Prince Thor."

"No need for that," Volstagg said. "I've gotten a private room for each of you."

"Why did you do that, Volstagg?" Hogun said. "We could have paired up?"

"Oh?" Volstagg said. "I apologize for spoiling the fun. Should I return to the front desk and give up two of our rooms?"

Loki laughed. 

"Yes you should, Volstagg," Thor said. "I demand to share a room with Prince Loki."

Thor hugged Loki tightly and propped his chin up on top of Loki's head. 

"No need for that, Uncle Volstagg," Loki said. "We should keep our rooms."

"Please share a room with me, Loki?" Thor said. "I'll keep you warm if you get under my blanket."

A Terran woman loudly coughed and was elbowed by the woman who stood beside her. 

"I'll visit you in your room," Loki said. "But I won't spend the entire night under your blanket."

The door to the elevator finally opened and released them into a hallway. The other Terrans hurried out as if they were being chased by ghosts. 

At a more leisurely pace, Volstagg led his young charges to the rooms he had bought for them. 

In the end, they all gathered in the room that was meant to be for Thor. All of them apart from Volstagg, that is, who wanted to retire in his own room by himself. 

The young boys didn't want to be by themselves. They demanded to share Thor's bed and they also called the hotel's kitchen staff so that they might summon Midgardian delicacies. 

The employee on the phone was confused by the request. 

"Mid what?" the Terran said, on the speaker phone. "We don't have any delicacies."

"We would like snacks," Loki said, leaning close to the device. "Chips and sugary treats?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Chocolate!"

"Chocolate," Loki repeated. "Does this hotel have any chocolate? Perhaps something salty as well... crackers? Chips? Erm... fish and chips?"

They'd already eaten dinner, but Loki found himself ardently yearning for fish and chips.

"Did you get permission from your parents?" the Terran said. 

"Aye!" Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "We have permission. Will you please send us some potato slices? Have I said that right? Erm... oh! Fries!"

"Fries!" Hogun echoed, enthusiastically. "We demand fries!"

"I would rather speak to an adult," the Terran said. "Will you please put one of your parents on the phone?"

Loki groaned. 

"I'll fetch Volstagg," Fandral said. 

He dashed out of their room and summoned Volstagg to talk to the Terran. Once Volstagg was on the phone, the Terran employee finally agreed to send fries, chocolate bars, and fish sticks. 

"Aha!" Loki said. "Fish sticks!"

He had a vague sense that there was blue light in his peripheral vision, but the light didn't trigger a headache this time. It simply hovered in the background for a moment and then vanished. 

When their treats arrived none of the boys touched the fish sticks. They allowed Loki to eat them himself. 

But they enthusiastically shared the large basket of fries that Volstagg had ordered for them. Loki enjoyed pairing the fries with his fish sticks. He neatly sandwiched each fish stick in between a bundle of fries and ate them all together. It was a good pairing of flavors. More satisfying than the food on Asgard had been. 

More familiar. 

Volstagg also ensured that each boy was given his own individually wrapped chocolate bar before he went back to his own hotel room.

Loki decided to send his chocolate bar to a pocket dimension where it would be magically sealed in suspended animation. It wouldn't spoil, even if he forgot about it for weeks, months, or years.

He would eat it later. 

The boys had no such self restraint. They ate their chocolate quickly. Fandral was the first to finish his, and then he attacked the basket of fries like a man who had never encountered so much salt before. 

"I love Midgardian cuisine!" Fandral said. 

"It isn't cuisine," Loki said, chuckling. 

"It is very flavorful," Hogun said. "Very, very flavorful."

"Mmm," Loki said. "That flavor is.... hmm... it was artificially enhanced?"

"How did the mortals enhance it?" Thor said. 

Loki shrugged. "With science."

"Should we study the sciences, Prince Loki?" Hogun said. 

"We aren't here to study!" Fandral said, affronted by the suggestion. 

"What are we here for, then?" Hogun said. 

Loki tilted his head. "Adventure?"

Thor squinted at Loki. "Adventure?"

"Aye?" Loki said. 

Thor frowned. 

"Is something wrong, Thor?" Loki said. 

"Nay," Thor said. "I simply... hmm... I'll keep my questions to myself until we're alone together?"

"Alone together?" Fandral said, grinning. "You'll conspire without us?"

"Let them conspire," Hogun said. "They are princes of Asgard. If they'd like to conspire, it is their right to do so."

"Aye aye!" Thor said, cheerfully. "It is our right to do so!"

"Bah," Fandral said. "I'm nothing more than a knight."

"Yes," Hogun said, patting Fandral on his shoulder. "A dashing knight, of course."

Fandral laughed. 

At this point, they were arranged in a haphazard circle upon Thor's hotel bed. Loki feared the boy would be harassed by crumbs and ants in the night, so he used his magic to freshen up the bedlinens after the boys had finished snacking. 

They were still reluctant to separate into private hotel rooms, so they ended up huddling together under the blanket on Thor's hotel bed. 

Luckily, it was a large bed. A queen sized bed, they later found out. 

Loki ended up in between Thor and Fandral, with Hogun on Fandral's other side. 

Both of these boys put their arms around Loki, which was irritating, but they also fell quickly asleep, which was a relief. 

Hogun remained awake for a bit longer. 

"Prince Bartimaeus?" Hogun whispered, tentatively. 

Then Hogun explosively sighed. "Blast! I meant to say Prince Loki."

"Worry not," Loki said. "I forgive the slip."

"Thank you," Hogun said. "May I ask you something?"

"Ask," Loki said. 

"Did you lose your memories?" Hogun said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "How did you know?"

"I suspected you'd fallen into the hands of an enemy mage," Hogun said. "Perhaps this enemy mage prevented you from returning to Asgard?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "Perhaps."

"Should we tell your mother?" Hogun said. "She is very skilled with healer's magic."

"She is well aware," Loki said. "Alas, there is nothing to be done."

Hogun sat up and frowned down at Loki. Fandral slept on between them, oblivious to the boy's ire. Thor slept as well, but he twitched in a way that made Loki suspect the boy was only feigning sleep. 

"Is there nothing to be done?" Hogun said. "Or would you simply prefer to abandon your childhood memories like old rags?"

"Is there something important that I've forgotten?" Loki said. "Won't you simply remind me?"

"Do you despise Asgard?" Hogun said. "Will you return there for holidays like a wild horse begrudgingly lassoed?"

"I suppose I will?" Loki said. "But I'm not a horse. I'm... I'm not a horse." 

Hogun sighed. He plopped back down onto the mattress with palpable resignation. 

"Don't fret, cachorrinho," Loki whispered. 

"I'll always fret, xodó," Hogun said. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I'll bare this in mind."

Thor inched forward and placed his head on Loki's shoulder, revealing himself to be awake. 

Loki patted the boy upon his head. 

"What will we do tomorrow?" Hogun said. 

"I don't know," Loki said. "Let's not think about tomorrow."

Fandral groaned, blinked, and then threw his leg over Loki's legs. He even wriggled his other leg under Loki and used both his arms and legs to hold Loki tightly. 

"What nonsense is this?" Loki huffed. 

"You must not abandon your warriors!" Fandral said, tearfully. "We spent five long years without you!"

"Aye!" Thor said. "Five long years!"

"Five long years," Hogun echoed. "We were very sad. We mourned you as if you had died. It was a melancholy half decade on Asgard. Indeed, the entire planet grieved for you."

"I apologize?" Loki said. 

"You should be very sorry!" Fandral said, sniffing. "How could you leave us like that?! You should be very very sorry!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "I am very very sorry!"

"I don't believe a word of it!" Fandral cried. "The Lie Smith is not sorry in the least!"

"What would you have me do?" Loki said. "Shall I walk myself to the gallows?"

"No!" Hogun said. "The opposite, my prince! You must do the opposite!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "What do you mean, boy?"

"You must live long and prosper," Thor said, solemnly. "That is the opposite, eh Hogun?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "Live long and prosper!"

"With your warriors!" Fandral added, furiously. "You must allow us to accompany you while you live long and prosper!"

"Very well, you silly little boys," Loki said. "Will you please calm yourselves?"

"No!" Fandral said. "I won't sleep a wink tonight!"

"Why won't you sleep?" Loki said. 

"You might sneak away in the night!" Fandral said. "I told myself I would pretend to sleep and that I would stay awake to catch your fiendish escape!"

"Why would I escape?" Loki said. 

"My prince is an escape artist!" Fandral said, huffing. "There is nothing he loves more than to escape from me!"

"I swear not to escape?" Loki said. "I solemnly swear?"

"I don't believe a word of it!" Hogun said. 

"Aye!" Fandral said. "I don't believe a word!"

Loki glanced towards Thor and tried to gage how he was feeling about all this, but the boy had hidden his face in the crook Loki's neck. 

"What should we do, then?" Loki said. "Are we doomed to remain here in a bed with a group of boys who refuse to sleep?"

"Aye!" Hogun said. "We are doomed! Doomed, I say!"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I suppose we'll sleep when the sun comes up?"

"Aye," Thor whispered. "We'll sleep when the sun comes up."

Tentatively, Loki patted Thor on the back. Then he patted Fandral on the back, which triggered a crying spell. 

From Fandral's other side, Hogun wrapped his arms around his companion and made sympathetic noises, which only caused Fandral to weep all the louder. 

This is odd behavior, Loki thought. 

The voice in his head chose that moment to speak up once more. 

Don't be an alarmist, the voice said. These boys are simply experiencing symptoms of... hmm... fear of abandonment? It's something of a mental illness. A temporary ailment. 

Oh? Loki thought. 

The solution is simple, the voice said. They won't trust you for a few months, but if you stubbornly remain by their side for at least a few months, they'll calm down. 

And then? Loki thought. What will we do once these few months have passed?

Who knows, the voice said. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 

We'll set it on fire, Loki thought, bitterly. We'll set the bridge aflame and then we'll-

Don't be an alarmist! the voice said, sharply. 

Loki winced. 

"Please don't mind our tittering," Hogun said. "We're simply... it was a long five years, my prince."

"I understand," Loki said. "Titter away. I won't mind it."

Thor softly nuzzled his cheek against Loki's neck. 

Fandral squeezed Loki all the harder as he sobbed. It was beginning to feel much too hot under the hotel blanket, but Loki knew better than to complain. 

Very good, the voice said. You mustn't complain. 

What should I call you, oh voice in my head? Loki thought. If you plan to stick around, I'd like to know your title. 

Bartimaeus, the voice said. 

You'll take up my abandoned name? Loki thought. 

Why shouldn't I? Bartimaeus said. I am you and you are me. A name that once was yours is obviously mine. 

Your logic is sound, Loki thought. 

Look after my puppies, Bartimaeus said. I'll assist you whenever I'm able. 

"Alright," Loki said. 

"Hmm?" Hogun said. 

"Ah," Loki said. "Are you boys alright?" 

"No!" Fandral cried. "I am very angry, my prince! Very angry!"

"I see," Loki said. "How might I assist you with your anger?"

"I fear there is nothing you can do," Hogun said. 

"You must not leave!" Fandral said, furiously.

"You must not leave, brother," Thor echoed, stoically. "Please don't use your magic without us. Don't vanish again. We will be very cross if you vanish?" 

"Aye," Loki said. "I won't vanish."

It took a few hours, but Loki eventually fell asleep. He even managed to do it before the sun came up. 

Whether or not the boys slept or remained awake to watch for an escape was no business of his. 

Loki was uncomfortably over heated, but slept well enough despite the heat. 

His dreams were colorful, but Loki forgot the dreams as soon as he opened his eyes. 

Bartimaeus didn't forget them, however.

There was nothing Bartimaeus would forget. 

But Loki didn't know that yet. 

Chapter Text

The arrangement was simple. Loki needed the Time Stone. Dr. Stephen Strange, who worked with a group of mages who had dedicated themselves to guarding the Time Stone, had agreed to give it up on one condition.

Strange said Loki needed to spend a decade as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. 

The Mad Titan was not known for his patience, but the man was Eternal. For him, ten years would pass in the blink of an eye. He was willing to send his minion to S.H.I.E.L.D. for ten or even twenty years in order to make the exchange. 

Thanos was not a peaceful man, but Dr. Strange and his mages were a powerful group with the Atlantean government's support and backing. Thanos did not want to incur Jötunn wrath. He knew Muspelheim and Jötunheimr would both get involved in any war the Atlantean Jötunns chose to participate in, so Thanos would not provoke them.   

And so, Loki found himself in the United Kingdom with Tony Stark as the insufferable man play acted the role of a billionaire philanthropist with a penchant for drugs, sex, and alcohol. 

"Listen, princess," Stark said. "I just told the American press that I'm a bisexual man, you know? I made a big deal out of coming out of the closet."

"Is that so," Loki said, flatly. 

"Yup," Stark said. "Why don't you do me a favor and get dolled up? You're tall and slim enough to pass for a supermodel. Dye your hair platinum blonde, lather your face in makeup, and then put on the twink-iest outfit you can find."

"Twink-iest?" Loki said. 

"Actually, don't even worry about it," Stark said. "I'll pick the clothes for you. I'll even hire a makeup artist. You've just gotta wear what I tell you to wear and then sit in the makeup chair."

"You do realize I have Transformative Magic?" Loki said. 

Stark frowned. "Transformative Magic?" 

"I'm a bloody shape shifter!" Loki said. 

He snapped his fingers and changed his hair from raven black to platinum blonde. 

Stark whistled. 

"That's a useful skill, Twinkle Toes," Stark said. "But I still think we've gotta get some makeup on you. We want you to look like the cliché gay man to my cliché bisexual man."

"Very well," Loki said. "Anything else, your highness? Shall I dance an Irish jig in front of parliament?" 

"I'd love that," Stark said, grinning. 

Loki sighed. 

"Maybe later," Stark added, chuckling. "For now... let's go shopping."

"Aye!" Loki said, angrily. "I'll be your dress up doll, will I?"

"You're just Ken," Stark said, solemnly putting his hand on Loki's shoulder. "But it's for a good cause? Pretend to be my boyfriend for the weekend and then we'll start a coup d'état."

Loki grinned. "Oh?"

"Now he's interested," Stark muttered. 

"We're infiltrating the British Empire?" Loki said, delighted by the prospect. 

"Sure," Stark said. "Be a good Viking and help me dismantle the evil imperialist empire, yeah? Be a good super spy."

Loki chuckled. Then he demanded a script. Stark called up one of his S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and they then contacted a writer who was willing to send a script to Loki. 

After reading it, Loki knew what was required of him. He dedicated himself to the role like a Shakespearean actor. 

Stark was a useful scene partner. He knew how to play the part of a lustful man with a gay supermodel on his arm. Stark conducted himself as a rich man who enjoyed to collect trophy wives, but who was now strolling about with a trophy husband as a quirky change of pace. 

The people of the United Kingdom were fascinated by Stark. Their photographers followed Stark around and their journalists pestered him with questions about his "new boyfriend" without even bothering to speak to Loki himself. 

They did enjoy photographing Loki, however, and seemed to take delight in the black leather pants and black mesh top that Loki was wearing. 

He also sported black nailpolish and heavy black makeup that the Midgardians called "goth."

"You're my sexy goth twink," Stark had said, laughing while the makeup artist drew black eyeliner in an intricate pattern with wings at the corners of Loki's eyes. "No one is gonna recognize you, Trickster. Just make your hair a bit shorter and you'll be a new man."

The short platinum hair was a familiar style, but everything else was as new as the 21st century. Loki decided the goth disguise was charming. He might re-create the look at a later date. Now that he knew what it looked like, he would be able to imitate it with Transformative Magic even without a makeup artist. 

I'll just need to come up with an excuse, Loki thought, while admiring his reflection in a mirror. Once I have an excuse, I might wear this several times a year. 

Stark gave Loki a condescending pat upon his head, but Loki ignored this. He was quickly getting used to such behavior from Stark. 

When the two of them attended a charity gala with British royalty, camera men followed them around the dance floor. This was ordinary, among the royals. These camera men were following every single couple at the gala, so Loki ignored them. 

However, Stark and Loki were the only same sex couple at the gala. Because of this, there were more camera men gathered around them as they danced. 

"Give 'em a show, princess," Stark whispered. 

"Am I not following the script?" Loki whispered back. 

"Yeah, but I thought you would do something spontaneous," Stark said. "Something... mischievous?"

Loki directed his most aggressive grin in Stark's direction. Then he theatrically pulled Stark down into an impromptu dip. 

Stark took it well. He allowed himself to be pulled down and then back up while giggling in a drunken manner. 

The man really was drunk. He'd been heavily drinking all night. Making as much of a spectacle of himself as possible, as per S.H.I.E.L.D.'s wishes. 

"Will your paramour forgive you if we're seen kissing in public?" Loki murmured. 

"She knows what we're doing," Stark said, chuckling. "She knows I'm a... uh... a professional super spy. We're pulling a Black Widow."

"Prepare yourself," Loki said, sternly. "I'm going to be sloppy and disorderly. I'm going to pretend to be as drunk as you are."

"Go for it," Stark said, laughing maniacally. 

Loki kissed him. They stood in the middle of the gala's dance floor surrounded by British royalty and cameras and kissed each other like two drunk queers who simply couldn't contain themselves. Loki even made a show of shoving one hand into Stark's hair and using the other hand to squeeze the man's arse. 

The people of the United Kingdom were scandalized by this behavior. There were gasps all around and bright camera flashes. The moment became the most talked about moment from the charity gala. The civilians didn't care about the money that was raised or the shady dealings that had been struck amongst the 1%. They only cared to know that Tony Stark, the notorious American billionaire, had kissed his boyfriend in front of the entire British Empire. 

Apparently, it was seen as a political stunt done in the name of LGBT civil rights. There was a law that was being debated in London that would have criminalized gay marriage. 

Loki shrugged this off. He hadn't been aware of the civil rights movement, but he was more than happy to allow Stark to take credit for such a thing. Why not? He would pretend Stark had done it on purpose, if asked, and he would spin the narrative to further extremes if and when necessary. 

It was what he did best. 

Loki had taken up residence in Avengers Tower. He was working as a superhero with Thor, Iron Man, and The Vision. 

The accommodations were delightful because Stark had furnished the tower with his clever machines. When Loki visited the fifth floor kitchenette all he had to do was place his favored mug upon a glowing plate and the machines overhead would use their science to lower a thin hose that filled his mug with coffee. 

One morning, Loki was waiting for his coffee when Hogun the Grim appeared in the kitchenette like a ghost. 

"Merlin's toadstools!" Loki said, jumping in surprise. 

"Did I startle you?" Hogun said. "I apologize."

The man was expressionless. 

Loki squinted at him. 

"Hello," Hogun said. "How are you?"

"Why are you in Avengers Tower?" Loki said, suspiciously. "Did Thor invite you?"

"Yessir," Hogun said. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Aye," Loki said, sighing. 

His coffee mug was filled, so Loki picked it up and took a sip. 

"Isn't it scalding?" Hogun said. 

"No," Loki said. "It isn't scalding."

This was a bald faced lie. The coffee was hot enough to give an ordinary mortal third degree burns, but it didn't matter. Loki was Jötunn. The heat did no harm.

"Are you hungry?" Hogun said. "Have you had breakfast?"

Loki drank a large gulp of coffee, shrugging. 

"Can I make you a sandwich?" Hogun said. "Peanut butter and marshmallows?"

"Why?" Loki said. "Isn't that a child's meal?"

"No," Hogun said. "It's a good meal. Protein and calories are useful. Also, um, the sugar in the marshmallow is good for men who struggle with their blood sugar levels?"

"I'm not struggling with blood sugar," Loki said, frowning. 

Hogun was still expressionless. He had the blank look of a man who was determined to be unreadable. 

The Terrans would call it a poker face, Loki mused. But the people of Asgard would simply shrug and say that Hogun the Grim had always been grim and always would be grim.   

"I'm going to make several sandwiches," Hogun said. "Peanut butter, marshmallows... and maybe some grilled cheese?"

"Very well," Loki said. "Have at it?"

"Will you eat with me?" Hogun said. 

"No," Loki said. "All I need is coffee."

"Please?" Hogun said. "I'd prefer to have company while I eat breakfast. Um... I'm anxious because I've never been here before. Please eat with me?"

"Oho," Loki said. "And where has Thor gone? He abandoned you?"

"Yessir," Hogun said. "Will you help me?"

"I'll find Thor," Loki said. 

"Wait," Hogun said. "Um... I'd rather eat with you."

"Pardon?" Loki said. 

"What if I make a ham sandwich?" Hogun said. "Will you eat a ham sandwich?"

"Have I gotten so frightfully thin?" Loki said, tilting his head. 

"Yes," Hogun said. "Please eat with me?" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "I haven't seen you in years. Is there anything I should be made aware of?"

"What do you mean?" Hogun said. 

"How is your mother?" Loki said. 

"She's doing fine," Hogun said. "She's still working as a nurse at the Academy."

"Academy?" Loki said. "What academy?"

Hogun winced. 

Loki grinned. He wagged a finger at Hogun and said, "Aha. Have I caught a naughty shape shifter?"

"No, sir," Hogun said. "You caught... um... a pea brained man?"

"Listen here," Loki said. "If this is about The Vision, you should give up. He won't return to his ex-wife."

"Are you talking about Viktor?" Hogun said. "I didn't know he was divorced."

"He kept it out of the media," Loki said. "I don't know which wizard you are, but you'll have to return to your mistress empty handed."

"I'm not a wizard," Hogun said, scowling at his feet. 

"Uh huh," Loki said. "Run along, boy. I shan't be tolerating any of your tomfoolery."

"Wait!" Hogun said, looking back up. "Um, you're right! I'm an impersonator, but... uh... I'm not a shape shifter. I can't change my looks. I can dye my hair or wear eye contacts, but I can't do anything to significantly alter my appearance."

Loki tutted. 

"Please believe me, sir!" Hogun said. "I'm sorry I'm not Aesir."

"Beg pardon?" Loki said. 

"I said I'm sorry I'm not Aesir," Hogun repeated. "But I'll be a good superhero. I'm not as strong as Thor, but I'm still much stronger than a normal human. They say I have super strength and... um... I can't fly like Thor can, but my legs are strong. I can jump over buildings and I can-"

"Stop," Loki said. "Who are you?"

"Leander," Hogun said. 

"Pardon?" Loki said. "Leander what?"

"Gans," Hogun said. "Um, Thor said my hero name will be Hogun the Grim. But if you don't like that name, I'll pick something else."

"Wait," Loki said. "Wait a moment!" 

There was a bright blue light in Loki's field of view. It was blocking his vision. He couldn't see the man who stood in front of him. 

The man was speaking, but Loki could no longer hear what was being said. 

Then Thor was standing directly in front of Loki. His hands were upon Loki's shoulders. 

"Do you hear me?" Thor murmured. 

"Oh," Loki said, blinking at Thor. "There you are, brother."

"Aye," Thor said. "Are you well?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "Did I find one of Volstagg's boys?"

"Volstagg's boys?" Thor said. 

"Wait," Loki said. "No. That's not right. The Ganley bloodline ended centuries ago. Didn't it?"

"The Ganley bloodline?" Thor echoed. 

"Gans," Loki said. "Is he not a descendant of Arthur Ganley?" 

"I fear you've gotten confused," Thor said. "Will you sit down, Loki? Please?"

Loki peered over Thor's shoulder, but Leander Gans was gone. 

"Did he flee?" Loki said. "Drat. I'll have to hunt him down."

"No, no," Thor said. "You won't be hunting anyone down today."

"Oh?" Loki said. "Why not?"

"Might we eat breakfast?" Thor said. "I fear you have gotten frightfully thin?"

"Have I?" Loki said. "I disagree."

"Please eat?" Thor said. "Would you like... um... potatoes?"

"Very well," Loki said. "I'll have potatoes. And I'll make one of those peanut butter sandwiches." 

"I'll make the sandwich," Thor said. "Please sit still, brother."

Loki rolled his eyes, but he sat down on the barstool in front of the kitchenette. As promised, Thor made a peanut butter sandwich. He made several, in fact, and gave the plate of sandwiches to Loki.

Then Thor began peeling the skin off of a potato. 

"I don't need potatoes," Loki said. "You can stop that. I'll simply eat the sandwiches."

"I'll eat the potato," Thor said. "Don't fret."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Then I suppose I'll eat half of it?"

"Alright," Thor said. "I'll peel two potatoes and I'll eat one and a half."

"You've always had a hearty appetite," Loki said. 

"Aye," Thor said. 

Hesitantly, Loki bit into a sandwich. It tasted fine, but he began to wonder if it was too late to add the marshmallows Hogun had suggested. 

Don't be silly, Loki thought, laughing at himself. You're not a child. 

By the time Loki had polished off all of the sandwiches, Thor had finished peeling and boiling the potatoes. He seasoned them and even slathered on some melted cheese. 

In the end, Loki ate an entire potato. Thor ate the second potato. 

Then Loki asked Thor where Hogun the Grim had run off to. 

"Hogun is going to be an Avengers superhero," Thor said. "I invited him to join the team. I hope this won't bother you?"

"Why would it bother me?" Loki said. "Hogun is a good warrior."

"Aye," Thor said. "And he's a kind man."

"Yes," Loki said. "He was born on Vanaheim, wasn't he?"

"Hmm," Thor said. "I'm not sure that he was born there, but his mother is from Vanaheim."

"His birth mother, you mean," Loki said. 

"Aye?" Thor said. "She is a Vanir noblewoman. A light elf."

"Light?" Loki said. "She practices light magic?"

"Yes," Thor said. "You didn't know?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "I suppose I forgot."

Thor nodded, thoughtfully, and then said, "The Midgardians know Hogun as Leander Gans."

"Ah," Loki said. "And they know you as Thomas... what was your alias? You invented a surname for yourself, didn't you?"

"Riddleston," Thor said. "I'm a New York superhero. My pro hero name is Thor, God of Thunder, and my legal name is Thomas Riddleston."

"Hmm," Loki said.

"The people of Earth know you as Loki Wordsmith," Thor said. "That is your pro hero name. They don't know your civilian name."

"Ezra Ferris," Loki whispered. 

"Aye?" Thor said. 

Loki looked up, frowned, and then abruptly teleported elsewhere. 

When Loki found out that Thor had killed Thanos, he was a bit cross. Not because he enjoyed being a foot soldier in The Mad Titan's army, but because he still hadn't collected the Time Stone. 

He'd spent years working for S.H.I.E.L.D. and their Avengers Initiative in order to collect the Time Stone for Thanos. Now that Thanos was dead, was he meant to leave New York? 

Nick Fury didn't think so. 

"You're still one of our agents," Fury said. "Get your head out of your ass."

"Then I'll still gain the Time Stone at the end of my contract?" Loki said. 

"That's between you and Strange," Fury said. "I've got no skin in the game."

"I haven't seen Strange in years!" Loki said. "I only met the man once! Briefly!"

"Don't you know where he lives?" Fury said. 

"Of course I know where he lives!" Loki said. "I refuse to step foot in that dusty mausoleum!"

"You need me to arrange a playdate?" Fury said. "I'll ask Strange to meet you at one of your fancy cafés."

"I'm not a child!" Loki said. "I can arrange my own nefarious dealings on my own behalf!"

"Have fun with that, then," Fury said. 

Indignant for no good reason, Loki abruptly teleported elsewhere. 

He didn't arrange to meet with Strange. Instead, he avoided the man like the plague. 

When Loki returned to Avengers Tower, he was prepared with a script. He knew he had to be careful with his language. Stark's robots had been commandeered by Vision's ex-wife.  

Armed with this knowledge, Loki waltzed into Avengers Tower like a Shakespearean actor who knew full well that all the world was a stage. 

"Where has Gans gotten to?" Loki said, when he found Tony Stark in his engineering lab. 

Stark didn't bother to look up from the tech he was fiddling with. It was a robotic arm that Loki recognized as belonging to Bucky Barns, but that was all he knew. 

Well, he also knew that the arm had taken significant damage during a gentleman's duel between Tony Stark, Bucky Barns, Steve Rogers, and Peter Parker. 

But he didn't know what the duel had been about or why Stark and Parker had been battling against Barns and Rogers in the first place. 

It's none of your business, Loki thought. You won't ask. 

"Gans?" Stark said. "The new superhero?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Where is he?"

"I'm not the team mom," Stark said, absently. "Ask Vision."

"Where is Vision, then?" Loki said. "Might we pester him?"

Stark grunted. He had stuck his hand inside of the robotic arm and was attempting to forcefully shove one of the dents back outwards. As if he could simply mold the metal like a sculptor with a slab of damp clay.  

"Why don't you just build Barns a new arm?" Loki said. 

"He doesn't want a new arm," Stark said, scowling. "He wants this arm."

"That arm will not function," Loki said. 

"I'm still working on it!" Stark snapped. "I pulled out its guts. Once I knock all the dents out of the shell-" 

"Nevermind the arm, Stark!" Loki said. "Where is Vision?"

"Goddammit," Stark said. "I think he went out? Something about a date."

"Please tell me he isn't entertaining his ex-wife?" Loki said. 

"I'm not his babysitter!" Stark said. "I'm not the goddamn captain, I'm not team mom, I'm not-"

"Alright!" Loki said. "Merlin's sweet baby witch. You're so bloody sensitive."

Stark looked up,  eyes flashing, and said, "At least I'm not having panic attacks every other day!" 

"The hell you aren't," Loki said. "You wake from nightmares and pace around the tower in psychotic bursts."

"Insomnia isn't the same as-"

"Pipe down, Stark," Loki said. "Tell me where Vision is. Now."

"I don't fucking know," Stark said. "Why don't you just call him up?"

"Call him?" Loki said. 

"He has a cellphone number," Stark said. "Just call him."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Lend me your cellphone, then."

"Where's the Stark phone I gave you?" Stark said. 

"I have no Earthly idea," Loki said, impatiently. "Lend me yours!"

"I gave you your own fucking phone!" Stark said. "What did you do with it?"

"I likely tossed it out a window," Loki said, sneering as balefully as possible. 

"The hell is wrong with you, Reindeer Games?" Stark said. 

"The bloody hell is wrong with you?" Loki retorted. "You will call Vision on my behalf. Now."

"Nope," Stark said. "Time for some tough love."

"Hades in a handbasket!" Loki said. "I've had it up to here with you!"

"You and me both, asshole!" Stark said. "Get out of my lab!"

Loki squinted at Stark. 

Stark squinted back at him. 

There was a pause. 

Then the lights went out. 

When the lights turned themselves back on, Loki cleared his throat and said, "I've decided to leave the Avengers."

"Whatever," Stark said. "No skin off my back."

"I'm taking Thor with me," Loki said. "He is my... I'm taking Thor." 

"Uh huh," Stark said. "Take the new guy, too. He's one of your weirdo LARPing nerds."

"If you insist," Loki said. "But I'll have you know, I'm not taking sides. I won't be fraternizing with Captain America."

"Like I give a shit?" Stark said. "He got Black Widow in the divorce. I got Vision and Wanda Maximoff. As far as I'm concerned, that makes me the winner."

"Didn't he also keep Barton?" Loki said. 

"No," Stark said. "Hawkeye is doing his own thing."

"He's a Hit Wizard," Loki said. 

"No," Stark said. "He's more like... uh... he's a Punisher wannabe."

"As if there's a difference?" Loki said. 

"I don't give a damn," Stark said. "Just make sure you don't piss off the Hulk. He'll come after you if you get up to any shady business."

"Aye aye," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Wouldn't want to upset the green monster."

"Look," Stark said. "I don't like you. You don't like me."

"Yes?" Loki said. 

"But let's shake hands and, uh, and part ways like gentlemen?" Stark said. "This isn't... fuck."

"I see what you're saying," Loki said, chuckling. "It's not you, it's me?"

"Yeah," Stark said, shrugging. "Hate to break it to you, Trickster, but I'm already married."

"Pepper Potts is a lucky woman," Loki said. 

"You can have Nashira Potter instead," Stark said, smirking. 

"No, no," Loki said. "None of that."

"None of what?" Stark said. 

"None of your malarkey," Loki said. "I'm not a patient man."

"The hell you aren't," Stark said. "I've seen you spend ten years on an elaborate marriage with a random heiress just because S.H.I.E.L.D. asked you to."

"It was eight years," Loki said. "And Nashira was rather skilled. Our lavender marriage was quite happy, I'll have you know."

"I don't want the details," Stark said, rolling his eyes. "Just... damn. Can I keep Spider Man? He's my best hero."

"I won't take Spider Man," Loki said. "He's all yours."

"I think that kid might follow you around for a while," Stark said. "He says he admires your work ethic."

"Shall I discourage him?" Loki said. 

"Nah," Stark said. "You know what? Let's draw up the papers for a joint custody agreement."

"The boy already has a guardian," Loki said, huffing. 

"Then let's draw up a contract for... uh... for a joint vigilante agreement?" Stark said. 

"I thought you were keeping Spider Man away from the Accords?" Loki said. "Did you not agree to allow him to keep his mask on?"

"He's an unofficial superhero because he's a minor," Stark said. "It has nothing to do with-"

"He isn't a minor!" Loki said. "He's a college student!"

"Whatever!" Stark said. "He's practically a minor."

"The legality-"

"As if you give a damn about the legality?" Stark said. 

"I'm done with this conversation, Stark!" Loki said. "Good day to you, sir."

"Wait a sec," Stark said. "Um.... halt in the name of the law?"

"What is it now?" Loki said, impatiently. 

"Vision is gonna miss you," Stark said. "He said he adopted you."

"Alright?" Loki said. "I'll visit him whenever I have the time to spare."

"Nope," Stark said. "That's not going to cut it."

"What will you have me do?" Loki said. 

"I think we need to schedule visits or something," Stark said. "If we don't, Vision will get depressed. He... uh... he's like an empty nester?"

"His nest isn't empty!" Loki said. "This tower is crawling with mortals for him to dote upon!"

"I know that," Stark said. "But he's attached to you."

"Irrational sentiment!" Loki said. 

"Let him be sentimental," Stark said. "He's probably going to follow you around for a while."

"Who else will be hounding me?" Loki said. "Will I be covertly recorded by helicopters full of camera men?"

"Has that happened before?" Stark said. 

"Never mind that!" Loki said. "I won't be discussing this topic further! Henceforth, we shall never speak of it!"

"Uh huh," Stark said. "I'm not one of your cult worshippers. You can't just-"

"Silence!" Loki said. 

Loki teleported elsewhere. 

A few weeks later, Loki returned to Avengers Tower because Lady Sif was making a fool of herself. Her face had been plastered all over the media and she was camped out in the Avengers Tower lobby while demanding an audience with Prince Loki of Jötunheimr. 

Loki dramatically slammed the lobby door open and waltzed in like he owned the place. The civilians in the lobby, who were all pointing their phones at the spectacle Lady Sif had made of herself, gasped and cheered. 

Lady Sif, who was pointing a large sword at the mortal man who sat behind the secretarial desk, dropped her sword and immediately knelt upon the ground. 

"Stand up, foolish warrior!" Loki growled. "I won't tolerate any of your tomfoolery!" 

"Nay!" Lady Sif shouted. "I kneel before the Prince of Jötunheimr!"

"I don't need a knight, Lady Sif," Loki said, crossing his arms together. "You will stand, or you will be sent to the gallows."

"Nay!" Lady Sif yelled. "I will be your knight, or I will throw myself off the rainbow bridge!"

"That bridge is nowhere to be found," Loki said, casually loosening his stance and making a show out of examining his own French manicure. "I suppose you'll have to throw yourself off the nearest Earthling bridge?"

Lady Sif scowled up at him, but stubbornly maintained her position knelt upon the ground. 

Loki put a hand on his hip. 

"Come now," Loki said, coaxingly. "Won't you stand up?"

"I won't stand up!" Lady Sif said. "I refuse to stand up!"

"Why are you making a spectacle of yourself?" Loki said, waving an expansive hand at the civilians that were watching. "You enjoy public humiliation?"

"Aye," Lady Sif said, darkly. "I'll enjoy it, if my prince will enjoy it."

"Malarkey," Loki said. "What in Jupiter's name do you want from me, woman?"

"I want to guard the Prince of Jötunheimr with my life!" Lady Sif shouted. "I'll die while protecting him and join my family in Valhalla!"

"No," Loki said. "The war is over. I don't need to be protected." 

"I care not!" Lady Sif cried. 

She began to cry, rather dramatically, and Loki sighed. 

"Listen here," Loki said, sternly. "I won't have you throwing your life away on a foolish endeavor!" 

"Is the endeavor so foolish?" Lady Sif said, dolefully. 

"Yes!" Loki said. "Why are you such a barbarian? I don't need you to guard me with your life!"

"What will I do, then?" Lady Sif said. 

"If you insist on serving a prince, go and hound Prince Thor with your nonsense," Loki said. "Why would you settle for the prince of Jötunheimr when you could have the prince of Asgard?"

"I don't want the prince of Asgard!" Lady Sif shrieked. "I love you, Prince Loki!"

"Oh?" Loki said. "Since when?"

"I've loved you for eons!" Lady Sif sobbed, as tears continued to stream down her face. "Foolishly! Unrequitedly! In secret! When you disappeared, you broke my heart Prince Loki!" 

"I had no idea," Loki said, sardonically. "Your love was indeed very secretive."

"You'll mock my love?" Lady Sif said. 

"Yes, I will," Loki said. "Not only will I mock it, I'll write songs about it. Lady Sif is a fool, I'll sing, and then I'll dance like an Irishman and every listener in the cosmos will know that you are the most stupid woman I've ever encountered!"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "I'm a stupid woman! I always have been and I always will be!"

"At least the lady admits it," Loki said, huffing. "Why would you waste your love on me, Lady Sif? I thought you loved Thor!"

"Nay!" Lady Sif said. "I don't love Thor!"

"I don't believe you for a second," Loki said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "You spent hundreds of years telling all of Asgard that you would marry Thor!"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "I was lying!"

"Why would you lie about such a thing!" Loki shouted, genuinely furious for the first time in decades. 

"Because I knew my Prince Loki would not have me!" Lady Sif screamed. 

She finally stood up. She stood in front of him with her fists clenched and held down at her sides, but she shoved her chin upwards like a proud noblewoman.

"I know you well, Prince Loki!" Lady Sif yelled. "I know full well that you would rather dance with Fandral the Dashing! Or you would rather have an illicit affair with Tony Stark! I know this, Prince Loki! I've resigned myself to spending the rest of my life dedicated to an unrequited love!"

"No!" Loki said. "You will not spend your life that way!" 

"Yes, I will!" Lady Sif shouted. "I will protect you with my very soul, Prince Loki, and I'll even attend your wedding as a bride's maid and protect the man you choose to marry!" 

"I'm not getting married!" Loki said. 

"I care not!" Lady Sif said. "Whichever man owns your heart, he will be protected! I will guard you and I will guard your lover!"

"I don't need to be protected by a foolish warrior!" Loki shrieked. "The war is over!"

"I care not!" Lady Sif bellowed. 

At this point, the civilians were watching with their breaths held. When Loki glanced at them, they looked like they were enraptured by an elaborate Hollywood movie playing out right in front of them. 

Loki sighed. 

"Will you please pick up your sword, Lady Sif?" Loki said. "You've made a fool of yourself in a public place!"

"I care not!" Lady Sif said. "I won't have you vanishing as soon as my back is turned! I know you won't flee from me when in a public place because you obsess over propriety!" 

"Is that what you're doing?" Loki said. "You've made a spectacle of yourself to win my attention and now you'll refuse to leave this public place because you think I'll vanish?"

"You will!" Lady Sif said, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You'll use your magic to teleport!"

"I promise not to teleport," Loki said. "Please leave this place with me? We can continue the argument away from the public eye."

"I won't be tricked!" Lady Sif shrieked. "I won't lose you again!"

"You aren't going to lose me!" Loki said. 

"But you said you don't need a knight!" Lady Sif said. "You'll disappear in a flash of green light and-"

"You know what?" Loki said. "It's true that I don't need a knight. The war is over, Lady Sif, and I don't want a warrior. Why don't we abandon your sword and stroll away like two childhood friends, hmm? I don't need a knight, but Thor is very fond of you. I'm very fond of Thor. Therefore, I won't vanish, because I would like to reunite Thor with his childhood friend, the fair Lady Sif."

"I already said I don't love Prince Thor!" Lady Sif shouted, angrily stomping her foot. "You cannot foist me upon Prince Thor like a man who is dodging a rabid werewolf!"

"I'm not foisting you upon him," Loki said. 

"Yes you are!" Lady Sif said. "You think I'll be distracted by the handsome Prince Thor? That man is a poor king and a scoundrel! I won't be one of his warriors! No longer! Never again!"

"Then what will you have me do, Lady Sif?" Loki said. "What are you demands?"

"I demand a blood ritual!" Lady Sif said. "I will open my palm with my sword and you will open your own palm!"

"A Greek marriage?" Loki said. 

"Yes!" Lady Sif said. "I'll be able to find you when you vanish if we intertwine our bloodlines!"

"I refuse to link my bloodline to yours!" Loki said. 

"And I refuse to be one of Prince Thor's warriors!" Lady Sif said. 

"You don't need to be a warrior, Lady Sif!" Loki said. "The war is over!"

"I won't lose you again!" Lady Sif cried. 

"Hmm," Loki said. "It seems we are... in between a rock and a hard place?"

"Pardon?" Lady Sif said, sniffing. 

"We need to find a solution to this problem," Loki said. "Surely we can reach a compromise?"

"If you won't have me as a blood sister," Lady Sif said. "And you won't have me as a knight, will you take me as a servant?"

"No!" Loki said. "I don't need a servant!"

"But you love servants!" Lady Sif said, looking scandalized. "Or do you only love them when Fandral and Hogun are play acting as your servants? You won't have me because you prefer male servants?"

"Would you please stop harping on the past?" Loki said. "I'm not even in contact with Fandral the Dashing! I haven't seen that man in ages!"

"I won't stop harping!" Lady Sif said. "I'm determined to protect you for the rest of my life!"

"And I'm determined to prevent your foolish demise!" Loki said. 

Lady Sif gasped. 

Then she blushed, giggled like a delighted schoolgirl, and said, "You're determined to prevent my foolish demise?"

"Aye!" Loki said. "Will you please calm down, Lady Sif? Don't seek Valhalla."

"Aha!" Lady Sif said, exuberantly opening her arms. "Will my prince embrace me like a childhood friend?"

"No!" Loki said. "I won't embrace you! We're in public, Lady Sif!"

"What does it matter?" Lady Sif said. 

"I won't cuddle with you in a public place!" Loki said. 

"But you'll cuddle with me in a private place?" Lady Sif said. 

"Yes!" Loki said. "Won't you, um, won't you.. will you take my arm and allow me to escort you out of this building like a prince errant? We've been bothering the people of Earth with our screaming match. We should be polite and we should-"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "Please escort me like a handsome prince errant, Prince Loki! I'll be a good princess!"

"Aha," Loki said. "Very good, Lady Sif. You are not a warrior this decade because the war is over. Instead, you will be a princess of Asgard, hmm?"

"Might I be a princess of Jötunheimr?" Lady Sif said. 

"Very well," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "Will you please leave this place with me? I will sit you down and give you a hot cup of cocoa. I will give you a wholesome hug and I'll even sing you a lullaby. Does that sound satisfactory, you silly woman?"

"Yes!" Lady Sif said, gleefully laughing like a maniacal bond villain. "That is what you will do, Prince Loki!" 

Impatiently, Loki walked around her and approached the man behind the secretary desk. 

"Terribly sorry for the disturbance," Loki said. 

"N-no worries," the man said. 

"May I have that sword?" Loki said, pointing at the sword that Lady Sif had left on the man's desk. 

"Yeah," the man said, blinking up at Loki like a man who was encountering a Hollywood celebrity. 

Loki picked up the sword. He held it awkwardly, because he didn't have a sheath for it. 

He might have sent it to a pocket dimension, but he didn't want to use any magic in such a public place. 

Lady Sif did not ask for her sword and Loki did not give it to her. Instead, he stiffly held up his left arm and the mad woman grabbed hold as if it were a rope pulling her out of the very depths of the ocean. 

Like a drowning woman, Lady Sif allowed herself to be led out of Avengers Tower. 

I suppose she's grieving, Loki thought. A lot of Aesir died in the skirmish against Hela Odinsdottir. 

It didn't matter. Loki had finally convinced her to leave Avengers Tower. Once they were outside of the building, Loki led her towards Central Park. 

The civilians were all pointing their phones at Loki and Lady Sif as they walked. Loki wanted to duck behind a tree so that he could teleport with Lady Sif, but this proved impossible. Behind every tree, there was a civilian with a phone.

Groaning, Loki gave up and led Lady Sif back out of Central Park. 

He refused to allow the civilians to film him teleporting. It was one of those things that hadn't been caught on camera yet. He wanted to keep things that way for as long as humanly possible. 

Eventually, a limousine pulled up in front of them. The car door opened to reveal Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. 

"Get in, loser," Stark said, smirking with his sunglasses falling down the bridge of his nose. "We're going shopping."

"Aha!" Lady Sif said. "Your mortal lover."

"No, no," Loki said. "Stark is not my mortal lover."

"Hello," Pepper Potts said, directing a friendly wave at Lady Sif. "Will you allow us to give you a car ride?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Get into the car, Lady Sif. My colleague is going to give us a ride." 

"Aye aye!" Lady Sif said. 

She crawled into the car. Loki got in as well. 

They sat across from Stark and his wife. 

"Lady Sif, meet Pepper Stark," Stark said. "She's the mother of my child and my wife."

Lady Sif politely extended a hand towards Pepper Potts and the two women shook hands. 

"Pep, this is Lady Sif," Stark said. "I think the Norse myths said she was married to Thor Odinson."

"Nay!" Lady Sif said. "That is a false rumor!"

Loki sighed. 

"Oh yeah?" Stark said. 

"It is not true," Lady Sif insisted. "We once were betrothed, but no longer! I will not marry Thor Odinson!"

"There you have it," Loki said, dryly. "The woman will not marry Thor Odinson."

"I'm very cross with Prince Thor," Lady Sif said. "He abandoned the kingdom to Lady Brunnhilde's stewardship!" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "You disapprove of the queenship?"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said, angrily. "I disapprove!"

"Why do you disapprove?" Loki said. 

"All of the nine realms is well aware of Lady Brunnhilde's reputation!" Lady Sif said. "That woman is the most hedonistic Valkyrie that ever lived!" 

Stark laughed. 

His wife directed a well practiced smile at Lady Sif. The woman was a masterful politician, so she knew how to direct the conversation. 

"Should visit Queen Brunnhilde?" Potts said. "Is it possible that the woman isn't as hedonistic as she was in her youth?"

"Nay!" Lady Sif said. "Once a lustful witch, always a lustful witch!"

"A lustful witch?" Loki said. "Mind your manners, Lady Sif. You're embarrassing me in front of the Midgardians."

Lady Sif huffed, but then she scowled at her knees and nodded. 

"We can book a flight to Norway," Stark said. "Make it a double date."

"That suits me fine," Loki said. "I'll cooperate."

"We'll consider it a political visit?" Potts suggested. 

"Aye," Loki said. "New Asgard will be visited by foreign dignitaries, is that what we'll say? You and Stark represent the Americans. The fair Lady Sif and I represent Jötunheimr?" 

Lady Sif looked up, grinned widely, and said, "I'll be a good princess of Jötunheimr! I will conduct myself with dignity and grace!"

"Yes you will," Loki hissed. "Don't you dare embarrass me in front of Queen Brunnhilde!" 

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "I'll mind my manners in front of the Valkyrie Queen!" 

"You will speak when spoken to," Loki said, glowering at her. "You won't say a word unless you are directly spoken to!"

"Aye!" Lady Sif said, leaning towards him with wide hopeful eyes. "Will you make me a political wife? A lavender marriage?"

"Aye!" Loki said. "Publicly, you will be my wife. Every citizen of New Asgard will laugh at Thor for losing his fiancé to Loki Laufeyson."

Lady Sif blushed, laughed, and then simply said, "Aye!"

Stark whistled. 

"They say revenge is a dish best served cold," Stark said. "What do you think of this little scheme, Pep?"

"I'm willing to go along with the charade," Potts said. "As long as no one is physically attacked?"

"No one will be physically attacked," Loki said, darkly. "But they will be emotionally attacked."

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "Use me as your tool for wrathful vengeance upon the people of New Asgard! They've lost my loyalty, Prince Loki!"

"Good," Loki said. "Silence yourself, Lady Sif. You've given me a headache."

Lady Sif giggled. 

Obediently, she spent the rest of the car ride in dutiful silence. 

Loki and Stark arranged themselves like two men who were taking their wives on a romantic double date. They strolled into a restaurant in Norway and simply hoped the people of Norway hadn't heard about the spectacle Lady Sif had made of herself in New York. 

If they were aware, at least they were polite enough to pretend that they weren't aware. 

After the four of them had finished their meal, they left the restaurant and ran into Thor and Lady Brunnhilde while walking through the parking lot. 

"Loki," Thor said, with a wide smile. "I see you and the fair Lady Sif have gotten reacquainted?"

"We eloped!" Lady Sif announced, while smirking at Thor.

"Aye?" Thor said. "Congratulations. I apologize for missing the wedding ceremony." 

"Cut the crap, Lady Sif," Lady Brunnhilde said. "Loki didn't marry you."

"Yes he did!" Lady Sif said, stubbornly raising her chin. "My Prince Loki is a noble man with noble intentions! He married me like a Greek and then he-"

"Oh my goodness," Potts said, nervously chuckling. "I think my husband and I are going to meet you back at the hotel, Loki. Is that alright?"

"Yes," Loki said. "Run along, mortals. This is Asgardian business."

"Doesn't it just send a shiver down your spine when he calls us mortals?" Stark said, to his wife.

She smacked him on the shoulder and led him towards the rental car they were using. 

Loki didn't need a rental car to return to their hotel, of course. He knew where it was. He would teleport at his leisure. 

Once Stark and his wife were gone, Lady Brunnhilde put her hands on her hips and said, "I'm not going to humor your fake marriage, Lady Sif. This is the 21st century! We don't need lavender marriages anymore!"

"I'm not in a lavender marriage!" Lady Sif shouted. "My love for Loki is as passionate and ardent as Apollo's love for Artemis!"

Thor laughed. 

Loki sighed. 

Then Loki put his arm over Lady Sif's shoulders and said, "You heard the woman. We're in a Greek marriage. We performed a blood ritual under the full moon."

"No you fucking didn't," Lady Brunnhilde said. "We saw the footage, dumbass! It hasn't been long enough for you to perform a blood ritual under the full moon. There isn't going to be a full moon for another fortnight, so stop bullshitting me."

"That footage was an elaborate performance," Loki said, smirking. "Did you think I would allow myself to be caught unawares in public? No. We performed the blood ritual first, then we conducted ourselves like actors in front of the people of New York."

"Aye!" Lady Sif said. "We conducted ourselves like actors!"

"That's fucking horseshit!" Lady Brunnhilde said. "You can't act to save your life, Lady Sif! You're the most sincere woman I've ever met! That's how I know you're lying to my fucking face. You're a terrible actress, a shitty liar, and a foolish Valkyrie!"

For his part, Thor simply stood there and frowned thoughtfully as Lady Sif and Lady Brunnhilde continued to bicker like two women who had known each other for centuries. 

Loki suspected Lady Sif was one of Lady Brunnhilde's ex-lovers, but he restrained himself from asking. It was none of his business, but it was also a question that he knew neither woman would answer truthfully. 

Eventually, Thor walked a bit closer to Loki and whispered, "Should we leave these women alone together?"

"Yes," Loki said. "That is exactly what we should do, Thor."

Without discussing it further, Loki grabbed Thor by an elbow and teleported elsewhere. 

They landed in Oklahoma. Not for any particular reason. Loki was simply avoiding New Asgard. He was also avoiding New York. 

"Did Lady Sif break Lady Brunnhilde's heart?" Thor said. 

"Oho," Loki said, chuckling. "So you do have a brain. I thought you were too thick to pick up on something like that." 

"Lady Brunnhilde was very upset by the footage of your confrontation with Lady Sif," Thor said, frowning at his feet. "She said Lady Sif had gone stark raving mad. Then, when she found out the two of you had been spotted in a restaurant a few miles from New Asgard, she insisted we make haste to catch the two of you as you left the restaurant. She wanted to confront Lady Sif."

"I suspect you came to the correct conclusion," Loki said. "Lady Sif did indeed break the heart of Lady Brunnhilde. She's broken the hearts of many women, so I'm not surprised in the least."

"Many women?" Thor said. 

"Aye," Loki said. "Lady Sif is a beautiful maiden. She's often chased by other maidens."

"Hmm," Thor said. "I had no idea."

"Truly?" Loki said. "You had no idea the fair Lady Sif was breaking hearts?"

"I suppose I took her beauty for granted?" Thor said, rubbing his chin. "She always told me that she was not to be mistaken for a lustful barmaid. I thought perhaps she was one of those women who preferred a life of celibacy."

"Hah!" Loki said. "That is not the case, Thor. She is a woman who prefers the company of women."

"Indeed?" Thor said. "Then why did you marry her?"

"Why not?" Loki said. "I also enjoy the company of men."

"Then Lady Brunnhilde was correct?" Thor said. "You've entered a lavender marriage."

"Yes," Loki said. "Is that a problem?"

"No," Thor said. "I see nothing wrong with it, of course."

"Of course," Loki said, rolling his eyes. 

"However," Thor said. "I do think... hmm."

"Out with it," Loki said. 

"I feel that Lady Brunnhilde made a good point?" Thor said. "Why would you need a lavender marriage, Loki? We've reached the 21st century, have we not?"

"Do you hear yourself?" Loki said. "It doesn't matter what year it is. A lavender marriage is always useful."

"Is it?" Thor said. 

"Yes!" Loki said. 

"I disagree," Thor said. 

"Go ahead and disagree until you're blue in the face, brother," Loki said, wrinkling his nose.

"Oh?" Thor said. "Today, I am your brother?"

"You'll protest?" Loki said. "You don't want to be my brother?"

"Perhaps I'm a sentimental man," Thor said. "But I find it a bit disquieting. To have a brother who would disown me one day and then call me his brother the next?"

"Fair enough," Loki said. "I suppose I'm not your brother."

"Loki," Thor said. "Must we continue to fight like this?"

"Are we fighting?" Loki said, with an aggressive grin. "Are you sure, Thor? Because I'll gladly give you a real fight, if that's what you want."

"Why are we fighting today?" Thor said, sighing. 

"I don't bloody know, Thor!" Loki said. "You're the man who decided he would not sit upon the throne of Asgard! Shall we fight about that?"

"Why do you want me to sit upon the throne of Asgard?" Thor said. 

"You're the rightful heir!" Loki said. 

"Yes," Thor said. "But I'm not a man who should be king. You know this better than any other, Loki. Did you not spend decades telling Odin Allfather that I was not fit to be a king?"

"Odin Allfather is dead!" Loki said. 

"Yes," Thor said. "He is dead."

"You have no choice, Thor," Loki said. "You must inherit the throne. Won't you simply pantomime a fake marriage with Lady Brunnhilde?" 

"No, Loki," Thor said, softly. "I won't do that."

"Why not?" Loki said. 

"It would be an insult to Lady Brunnhilde's queenship," Thor said. "I won't sit upon the throne as a figurehead. I won't have the people of New Asgard questioning her authority. She is older than me, wiser than me, and more fit to rule a monarchy."

"I don't disagree," Loki said. "But I still think-"

"No," Thor said. "On this particular issue, I will not be moved. Not even for you, Loki."

"Very well," Loki said, glancing away. "Have it your way."

They were standing alone in a random park. It was a park that was meant for children. It had swings, a jungle gym, and a square area of sand that the children might toddle around in with toy shovels and other creative pursuits. 

It was late in the evening, so there were no children to be found. However, a young woman entered the park with a dog upon a leash. She noticed Loki and Thor, gasped, and then pulled her phone out of her pocket. 

"Must you film us?" Loki said, scowling at her. "Why does every single American insist on filming us, hmm? Do we not deserve a bit of privacy every now and again?"

The woman blushed. Bashfully, she shrugged and put her phone back into her pocket. Then she turned herself around and walked towards the park's exit, despite the way her dog attempted to walk towards Thor. 

This dog was thwarted when the woman bent down to pick it up and carried it out of the park. 

"Loki," Thor said. "Will you please forgive me for refusing to sit on the throne of New Asgard?"

"No!" Loki said. "I won't forgive you! Neither will Lady Sif! She's very cross with you, Thor. She told me herself that she no longer loves you because she's disappointed by your refusal to sit on the throne."

"Hmm," Thor said. "I had no idea Lady Sif loved me in the first place?"

"Bah," Loki said. "She's a silly woman. Her love is as fickle as ocean currents, so I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Your love is also as fickle as ocean currents, Loki," Thor said. 

"Yes," Loki said. "What of it?"

"Is it true that you're having an illicit affair with Tony Stark?" Thor said. "Or perhaps this decade you've decided to have an illicit affair with Ho Yinsen instead?"

"Ho Yinsen?" Loki said. "The engineer?"

"Aye?" Thor said. 

"I've not had any dealings with him," Loki said. "I've read a few of his papers, but I haven't met the man. Why do you bring him up?"

"He told me he was in love with you," Thor said. "He said I had better stay away from you, else he'll hire a Hit Wizard to assassinate me."

Loki laughed. 

Then he noticed that Thor was not laughing. 

"Is this a prank?" Loki said. 

"No," Thor said. "The man seemed sincere."

"Why would an engineer that I've never met threaten you with Hit Wizards?" Loki said. "That makes no logical sense, Thor."

"I suppose he's one of those cult worshippers who has been following your career from afar?" Thor said. "One of the mortals who is infatuated with you."

"Hmm," Loki said. "But the Hit Wizards wouldn't accept an assignment like that, Thor. They wouldn't dare harm an Asgardian prince."

"I'm no longer an Asgardian prince," Thor said. "I gave up the title."

"It doesn't matter, Thor!" Loki said. "You're still politically valuable. The Hit Wizards wouldn't dare harm you!"

"I've learned something, Loki," Thor said, glancing away. "I've learned that my grandmother was Jötunn."

"Queen Bestla?" Loki said. "Yes, the woman was Jötunn. What of it?"

Thor groaned. 

"What are you on about, Thor?" Loki said. "Are you telling me you were ignorant of your own family history?"

"Yes!" Thor said, looking back at Loki with a mulish scowl. "I was ignorant of my own family history!" 

"Alright?" Loki said. "Are you having an existential crisis over the issue? It disgusts you to know that your bloodline was tainted by Frost Giants?" 

"No, Loki!" Thor shouted. "It does not disgust me!"

"Then why are we even discussing this?" Loki said, huffing. "What is going through that thick skull of yours, Odinson? You're all over the place tonight!"

"I'm not the man who is all over the place!" Thor said. "It is you, Loki! You're as flighty as a bird!"

"Then don't cage me!" Loki said. 

"Have I not granted you every freedom?" Thor said. "Have I not accepted it when my Loki leaves and welcomed it when my Loki returns?"

"I'm not your Loki," Loki said. "I'm simply Loki!" 

"Aye!" Thor said. "Today you are simply Loki, but tomorrow you might call yourself Prince Bartimaeus! Then what am I to do, brother? I'll address you as Bartimaeus for a fortnight only to discover that you are later insulted when I address you by the name you asked me to address you with!"

Loki frowned. "Pardon?"

"Blast it!" Thor said. "The Midgardians have told me you are suffering under a mental illness, but I suspect their scientists are too young to get to the heart of the matter."

"And what is the heart of the matter?" Loki said. 

"My parents poisoned your mind, Loki!" Thor said. "They caged you with Djinn Spellwork for centuries!"

"Yes," Loki said. "What of it?"

"Do I look like a mad man when I call these details into question?" Thor said. "You look at me as if I'm the fool for being ignorant all these years!"

"Aye!" Loki said. "You've always been the ignorant fool, Odinson! Am I meant to weep because you're a man who is so foolishly sentimental you yourself will weep over a little spellwork?"

"A little spellwork?" Thor said, incredulously. "Is that truly how you feel, Loki? It matters not because it was simply a bit of spellwork?"

"Witches will be witches," Loki said, dismissively. 

"No!" Thor said. "That is propaganda!"

"Bah," Loki said. "What does it matter? Did I not escape from Asgard?"

"Aye," Thor said, clenching his hands into fists. "You escaped from Asgard, but you escaped into the arms of the Mad Titan."

"And then you killed the Mad Titan," Loki said, shrugging. "Happily ever after, my chains were broken, the genie is free, etcetera etcetera. Are you still not satisfied?"

"I'm not satisfied!" Thor said. "I fear I will never be satisfied?"

"What will you have me do, then?" Loki said. 

"Don't marry Lady Sif!" Thor said. 

"Is that all?" Loki said. "You're offended by lavender marriages?"

"Yes!" Thor said. "I'm very offended, Loki!"

"Hmm," Loki said. "But I told Lady Sif I would grant her a lavender marriage."

"Lady Sif is a full blooded Aesir," Thor said. "However, I myself am partly Aesir, partly Vanir, and partly Jötunn."

"I know that, Thor," Loki said. "What is your point?"

"Did you not adopt a group of Jötunn halflings?" Thor said. "Might I join your brotherhood of Jötunn halflings? Do I not qualify?" 

"Is this about Hogun's Academy of Mutants?" Loki said. 

"Yes!" Thor said. "May I join Hogun's Academy of Mutants?"

"You'd need to ask Hogun himself," Loki said. "That man is their headmaster. They said he is Number One."

"If I ask Hogun," Thor said, while suspiciously squinting at Loki. "Will you accept me if he tells me that I may join his academy?"

"Why wouldn't I accept you?" Loki said. 

"I don't know, Loki," Thor said. "You always find a reason to send me away."

"Hmm," Loki said. "Perhaps I might find a reason in the future, but I cannot predict my future actions anymore than a merman can predict ocean currents."

"I've never heard truer words," Thor said, bitterly. 

"Listen here," Loki said. "That nonsense about Prince Bartimaeus... that... hmm.... I suspect you've met my doppelganger."

"Aye?" Thor said. 

"The man is not a mental illness," Loki said. "He is a man who is identical to me. He is a twin, a variant, a doppelganger, and a man who is not native to our timeline. Please don't mistake me for Prince Bartimaeus."

"The Midgardians said you have Dissociative Identity Disorder," Thor said. "They said you are a man of two minds within one body."

"Patently false," Loki said. 

"I don't think it's false?" Thor said. 

"I disagree," Loki said. 

"Hmm," Thor said. "I suppose there's no way to know one way or the other?"

"Should I change my hair?" Loki said. "I'll become a red head. That way, you'll know how to distinguish me from Bartimaeus."

"No," Thor said. "You don't have to do that."

"I'll do it anyway," Loki said. 

"Please don't?" Thor said. "I'd rather... won't you dress yourself the way you prefer to dress?"

"The way I prefer to dress?" Loki echoed. 

"Aye?" Thor said. "If you would prefer white hair, make your hair white. If you would prefer red hair, make your hair red. If you would prefer pink or blue or green hair-"

"I see your point," Loki said. "Will you please settle down?"

"Will you please spend a night with me?" Thor said. "I've missed you terribly."

"It hasn't been that long since we last spoke?" Loki said. 

"It's been weeks!" Thor said. 

"Weeks go by in the blink of an eye," Loki said. 

"For you," Thor said. "For me they pass at a snail's pace. I'm tortured by your absence, Loki."

"Why do you speak in this way?" Loki said. "The sentiment is not amusing."

"I'm simply a man who will say whatever I need to say in order to win your company," Thor said. "If you'd humor me, I would recite poetry for you."

"No, no," Loki said. "There's no need for that."

"You always scoff at sentiment," Thor said. "Why do you scoff?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Loki said. 

"Is it paranoia?" Thor said. "You don't believe in my love for you?"

"Never you mind," Loki said. 

"You said, once, that I should prove my love with my actions," Thor said. "But then you failed to tell me what actions you wanted to see."

"I want to see you sit upon the throne of Asgard!" Loki said. 

"Why?" Thor said. 

"You belong there!" Loki said. "It's your birthright!"

"No," Thor said. "My birthright was to die."

Loki scowled. "Is that a joke?"

"No," Thor said. "I was not meant to live as long as I have."

"What nonsense is this?" Loki said. 

"The people of Asgard achieved their immortality by nefarious means," Thor said. "You know this, Loki. You of all people-"

"We won't discuss that," Loki said, sharply. 

"Why won't we discuss it?" Thor said. 

"It's not proper!" Loki said. 

"Loki," Thor said. "What do you truly want from me? Is it for me to sit upon the throne of Asgard or is it for me to marry Brunnhilde?"

"You'd rather marry for love, is that it?" Loki said. "You won't get anywhere with a mentality like that."

"Why do I need to get anywhere?" Thor said. "Must I scheme and plot like a mad prince?"

"Fine!" Loki said. "I'm the man who will scheme and plot like a mad prince!" 

"Why?" Thor said. 

"Because it's my duty!" Loki said. 

"No, brother," Thor said. "It isn't your duty."

"Then what will I do with myself, hmm?" Loki said. "What will I do?"

"You will share my hearth?" Thor said. 

"No!" Loki said. 

"Why not?" Thor said. 

"I don't need your hearth, Thor!" Loki said. 

"Then what do you need?" Thor said. 

"I have no Earthly idea!" Loki shouted. 

Then, mortified by the Freudian slip, Loki teleported elsewhere. He left Thor in Oklahoma and returned to New York. 

Thor would be fine. He had money enough to buy himself a plane ticket back to Norway. 

Loki was sitting in a café with a cup of coffee and a novel when Fandral the Dashing walked in.

"Oho," Fandral said, sitting across from Loki with a smirk. "If it isn't the missing prince of Jötunheimr."

"If it isn't the foolhardy knight of Asgard," Loki muttered. 

Fandral leaned across the table and whispered, "I may be a foolhardy knight, but at least I'm not half as foolhardy as the fair Lady Sif."

Loki raised an eyebrow. 

Fandral held his palm to his heart and said, "Will you break my heart today, Prince Loki?"

"Will you break my back?" Loki retorted, dryly. 

"Nay," Fandral said. "I'm a gentle lover."

"Hmm," Loki said. "What do you want?" 

"I'm a noble man," Fandral said. "I mean what I say and say what I mean. This has always been the case, has it not?"

"Aye?" Loki said. 

"Will you spend a night with me?" Fandral whispered, furtively. "A single night? I won't ask for more. I'll make no demands of my handsome prince beyond a singular night?"

"A tumble?" Loki said. 

"Nay," Fandral said. "Lovemaking."

Loki rolled his eyes. 

"I have purchased a hotel room," Fandral said. "I have laid rose petals upon the bed and I have ordered the finest wines."

"Is that so?" Loki said. 

"It is so," Fandral said, firmly nodding. 

"While you're at it," Loki said, smirking. "You'll hunt down an animal with the finest coat, skin it, and present the furs to me."

"Aye," Fandral said, softly. "I will complete this quest. Do you have any other demands?"

"Hmm," Loki said. "No."

Fandral grinned. 

"May I kiss you on the cheek, my prince?" Fandral said. 

"No," Loki said. "But you may kiss my hand."

Arrogantly, Loki held his hand forward, palm down, and waited for Fandral to reject the offer. 

However, Fandral didn't reject it. He picked up Loki's hand and leaned over it in order to plant a soft kiss on Loki's knuckles. 

Loki shivered. 

"I'll skin a lion for you," Fandral whispered. "I'll skin a tiger and a bear as well."

"See that you do," Loki said, glancing away from him. 

That was when he noticed the phones. The civilians were filming again. 

Loki sighed. 

"Pay them no mind," Fandral said. "I won't let the general public frighten me away from my courtship."

"Courtship?" Loki said, looking back at Fandral. "I thought you would make no demands of your prince?"

"Aye," Fandral said. "I'll make no demands, but I eagerly await my orders. If my prince would like me to return to his bed, I will run to him. If my prince would send me away, I will flee from his sight like an unsightly beast."

"Like an unsightly beast?" Loki said. 

"Aye," Fandral said. "For I know full well I'm a beastly man. I'm a full blooded Aesir. And I know full well my Prince Loki is the true Belle of the ball."

Loki blushed, huffed, and then teleported elsewhere. 

He no longer cared about the fact that the civilians had never caught him teleporting on camera. 

On that day, they caught him. He later saw the footage of himself blushing like a virginal maiden and then disappearing with a flash of green light. 

A few months after Loki began a relationship with Fandral, Thor broke into his New York apartment with a pile of furs. 

The man had fully lost his mind. 

"I've skinned ten animals!" Thor shouted, triumphantly holding up the furs. "I've killed ten different predators, Loki!"  

"Alright?" Loki said. "Why did you do this?"

Thor stood there, panting with exertion, and frowned in confusion. The door to Loki's apartment was open behind him and had been cracked under the force of Thor's entry. 

"Erm," Thor said. "Because I would like to court you?"

"Is that so?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "You'd like a political marriage?"

"Nay!" Thor said. "I don't want a political marriage!"

"Then what do you want?" Loki said. 

"Your heart!" Thor said. 

"Since when do you want my heart?" Loki said. 

"I've loved you for eons, Loki!" Thor said. 

"I fear you've gotten a bit confused," Loki said. 

"Nay!" Thor said. "I'm not confused!" 

"Hmm," Loki said. "Very well? In the future, please don't damage my property?"

"Pardon?" Thor said. 

"You broke my door down, Thor!" Loki said. "Why are you so barbaric?"

Thor gasped, dropped his furs, and then said, "I apologize, Loki!" 

"Did you walk through that door as if it didn't exist?" Loki said. 

"I suppose I did?" Thor said, frowning at the damaged door. "But I'll pick up my hammer and repair it?"

"Yes you will," Loki said. "But how dare you break it in the first place?"

"I lost my head?" Thor said. 

"Why did you lose your head?" Loki said. 

"Fandral the Dashing has won your heart!" Thor said. 

"No, no," Loki said. "He only won a sexual relationship. The people of Earth would call this... hmm... friends with benefits?"  

"But I saw the footage, Loki!" Thor said. "Fandral began an old fashioned Asgardian courtship and you accepted his advances!"

"Yes," Loki said. "But-"

"I protest the marriage!" Thor said. "You must end the engagement!"

"I'm not getting married, Thor!" Loki said. 

"Good!" Thor said. "You must not marry Fandral, or Lady Sif, or Hogun! I will protest and I will... erm... I will protest!"

"I'm not getting married to anyone," Loki said. 

"Good!" Thor said. "I demand your hand in marriage!"

"You're stark raving mad," Loki said, scoffing. 

"Aye!" Thor said. "I've gone mad, Loki! You're driving me stark raving mad!" 

"What have I done to drive you mad?" Loki said. 

"You've broken my heart with your absence!" Thor said. "I'll go insane without you!"

"Hmm," Loki said. "Perhaps my mind was not the only mind that was tampered with on Asgard."

"I won't let you pretend I'm a victim of spellwork," Thor said, huffing. "I won't have you saying I've been poisoned by a love potion. I haven't been poisoned!"

"Then what will you have me do?" Loki said. "Should I confront Queen Hilda with my grievances?"

"No?" Thor said. "Erm... unless your grievances have to do with my crime against your property?"

"My grievances are too long to list!" Loki said. 

"Please list them!" Thor said. "I'll endeavor to grovel for my sins!" 

"I won't humor this tomfoolery!" Loki said. 

"Halt!" Thor said. "Don't teleport!" 

Loki ignored the command. 

He teleported directly to Avengers Tower and found Victor Shade on the fifth floor. For some reason, Shade spent most of his time there. 

"I've had it up to here with your ex-wife!" Loki shouted. "I won't tolerate her nonsense! No longer, sir! No longer!"

They were standing in an empty hallway. There were no witnesses to catch Loki losing his temper. 

"What is your gripe, Barty?" Shade said. 

"Wanda infected Thor with hypnosis!" Loki said. "You must put a stop to it!"

"Hypnosis, you say?" Shade said. "I'm shocked and appalled." 

"The hell you are!" Loki said. 

"Hmm," Shade said. "I'll get to the bottom of this."

"See that you do, sir," Loki said. "Else I'll lose my head!"

"May I ask you a few questions?" Shade said. 

"Ask," Loki said. 

"When did Thor begin displaying symptoms?" Shade said. 

"Ages ago," Loki said. "He began to behave in an erratic manner after he slayed Thanos."

"I see," Shade said. "Will you please list the symptoms of this erratic behavior?"

"He lost his bloody mind," Loki said. "He... he's hysterical. Hysterical, I say!"

"Will you please give me more concrete details?" Shade said. "I won't be able to untangle Wanda's magic without details."

"No," Loki said. "You will speak to the man himself. You will... hmm... might you conduct yourself like one of those psychologists?"

"You'd like me to therapize Thor Odinson?" Shade said. 

"Yes!" Loki said. "Are you not a man with the necessary knowledge of human psychology?"

"I fear Thor won't qualify," Shade said. "He isn't an ordinary human. What I've studied won't necessarily apply to him."

"He's Aesir, not a bloody Chitauri monster!" Loki said. "The only difference between an Aesir man and a human man is the matter of their lifespan!"

"Are you certain?" Shade said. "That's the only difference?"

"Ugh," Loki said. "Fine, there are other differences, but... well... in Thor's case, he's mixed. He's a half-blood."

"Half-blood?" Shade said. 

"Half Aesir and half Vanir," Loki said. "With a drop of Jötunn as well. A small drop!" 

"Are there psychology books about Thor's people?" Shade said. "Did the people of Vanaheim and Asgard study the psyche of their citizens?" 

"No," Loki said. "That field of study was outlawed."

"Outlawed?" Shade said. 

"I don't have time to relay the history," Loki said. "Simply know... there once were books studying the psyches of Thor's people, but they were burned."