Chapter Text
When Loki and Thor arrived in 2012's New York, they were greeted by three heroes. The Scarlet Witch, Vision, and Iron Man.
Loki recognized Iron Man as an Avenger, so he pulled his magical knives out of their pocket dimension and prepared to defend himself, but then the Scarlet Witch said, "We come in peace! Iron Man has been tamed!"
Loki blinked at her in confusion.
The man himself removed his helmet and smirked at Loki.
"I come in peace, oh holy God of Chaos," Iron Man said, chuckling in a condescending manner. "Please chill out, princess."
Loki scowled at him.
"We aim to help you escape from Odin One Eye," the Scarlet Witch said. "Will you let us help you with your escape?"
"Aye!" Thor said, cheerfully. "My shield brother has left the fair land of Asgard and would like a hearth where he may rest his head!"
"Shut up, Thor!" Loki hissed. "This isn't the middle ages!"
The Scarlet Witch knelt upon the ground and used her magic to summon a familiar book of forbidden spells.
Loki had written it eons ago. He knew the humans had renamed it with an ominous title, but he had simply called it Cernýhold.
"Please take what is rightfully yours," the Scarlet Witch said, while holding the book out towards Loki. "I recognize your magic as the magic of my bloodline. You are my son and I am your rightful birth mother. I will protect you against Odin One Eye, for he wrongfully kidnapped you away from my hearth."
Loki could only stand there and stare at the unfamiliar witch. He did not take the book he was offered. He simply stood there and blinked at her for several minutes.
Then Loki cleared his throat.
"I beg your pardon?" Loki said, incredulously.
"You were taken as a baby," the Scarlet Witch said, with tears in her eyes. "You don't recognize me because you were taken when you were very young. But you are my son and I am your mother."
Loki shook his head, scowled at her, and shouted, "I am the second son of Odin! I am Aesir! I do not have a Midgardian mother!"
"Odin One Eye is not your father!" The Scarlet Witch shrieked, with magic in her voice. "He kidnapped you when you were a baby!"
"Lies!" Loki shrieked.
He grabbed Thor by an elbow and teleported away with him.
When Loki disappeared with the usual dramatic flash of green light, Wanda started crying and her husband quickly knelt down and gave her a hug.
Tony rolled his eyes.
He was pretty sure Wanda was wrong about Loki. He had definitely been kidnapped by Odin as a baby, but Wanda was just a psycho empty nester who would call any wizard she met one of her sons.
Loki was way too old to be one of Wanda's missing wizard twins, but it was convenient that she had mistaken Loki for one of them.
Vision said they needed to humor Wanda because she would start killing people if they didn't help her adopt her missing twin sons.
I'm a good superhero, Tony thought, chuckling to himself. So I'll save the other superheroes from Wanda Maximoff. This crazy lady is powerful enough to genocide entire planets when she's angry enough, so we've gotta help her gently adopt whatever orphans she wants to adopt and prevent her from killing superheroes.
It seemed simple enough.
Plus, Vision was still the same person Tony had always known as Jarvis. His name was Vision now, but he was still Jarvis.
Tony trusted Vision with his life.
The magic was instinctual. Loki landed in Oklahoma and had the vague sense that he had seen the place many times before.
When they arrived, they found that the Scarlet Witch had used her magic to appear in Oklahoma ahead of them.
This time, she was alone and knelt with her head respectfully bent.
Thor smiled down at her, but didn't say a word.
"Who are you?" Loki shouted. "How did you hunt my magic, witch?!"
"I am Wanda Maximoff!" the Scarlet Witch yelled, with her eyes carefully aimed at the ground. "I am Romanian! I am your mother! I will protect you from all of your enemies and I will guard your hearth!"
"Do not lie to me!" Loki screamed.
"I'm Wanda Maximoff!" the Scarlet Witch insisted. "I'm your rightful birth mother!"
"No you are not, witch!" Loki shrieked. "My birth mother is a powerful witch and you are not her! You are not her!"
"I'm your godmother!" the Scarlet Witch bellowed, with thick magic in her voice. "Your soul was born inside the gas giant known as Saturn! You were a bodyless being of magic and freedom! I am the soul that created you with my magic and my body is only the body that carries my magical soul!"
Loki gasped.
"Godmother?" Loki said, blinking at her. "You claim yourself as a fairy godmother? But you are mortal!"
"I am not mortal!" the Scarlet Witch stood and she glowed with fierce scarlet light. "Do not mistake me for human! I am a magical being that was born inside the gas giant known as Jupiter!"
Loki squinted at her. "That cannot be? You appear as an ordinary mortal witch. You are a powerful witch, but you are mortal. I have lived for many decades and you have lived three or four decades at the most?"
The Scarlet Witch shook her head, with tears streaming down her face, and softly said, "I have searched time and space for decades. I am much older than I look."
"Why have you searched time and space?" Loki whispered, furtively.
The Scarlet Witch smiled up at him.
"I have two sons," the Scarlet Witch said, gently. "I created them with my magic. They are fraternal twins. They are beings of pure magic, as am I, and they inhabit physical bodies when it suits them. Otherwise, they freely fly within the gas giant known as Saturn."
"Very well?" Loki said, tentatively. "But I am not one of your children. I was born in 1887."
"Yes, Loki," the Scarlet Witch said. "Gelid Cozen Loki was born in 1887 in Paris, France on the day the Eiffel Tower was finished. Is that not so?"
Loki frowned.
There was a ringing in his ears, a pounding in his head, and a sharp blue light in his eyes.
He fainted.
When Prince Loki fainted, Thor dutifully caught his shield brother and tenderly lifted him into a bridal carry.
"Do you speak the truth, witch?" Thor said, suspiciously. "You are Prince Loki's magical godmother and aim to help him escape from Asgard?"
"Yes, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said. "I want to help Loki escape from the Allfather."
"Why does he need to escape from the Allfather?" Thor said, frowning in confusion. "I thought he simply wanted to escape from my Uncle Odin Wednesday Ragnarök?"
"You came from 1887, didn't you?" the Scarlet Witch said, smiling politely at him. "Today is the year 2012, is it not?"
"Aye," Thor said. "My Prince Loki told me it is 2012."
"Your Uncle Odin deposed his father while you were gone, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said. "Odin is now Asgard's king and Allfather."
"Hmm," Thor said. "Very well? My Prince Loki is very upset with Odin. He does not want to live in Asgard because he is angry with Odin."
"I will grant you sanctuary," the Scarlet Witch said, persuasively. "I will use my magic to hide you from The Watcher."
Thor grinned. "Aye? You're powerful enough to hide from his all seeing sight?"
"Yes, Thor," the Scarlet Witch said, nodding confidently. "If you bring Loki with you to my home, you'll be hidden from The Watcher."
"Very good, mistress witch," Thor said, grinning at her. "I will come into your home and share your hearth. Please respect my shield brother. If he is disrespected, he will vanish like smoke."
"I'll respect him," the Scarlet Witch said. "I'll respect him as a prince errant?"
"Good," Thor said, chuckling heartily. "My Prince Loki is indeed a prince errant who loves nothing more than books, noble quests, and freedom."
"I will give him the freedom to come and go as he pleases," the Scarlet Witch said, nodding firmly. "Please carry him into my home, Thor? He fell asleep because he used too much magic today. We need to help him recover."
"Aye, aye, fair witch," Thor said, cheerfully. "I will follow you into your home."
When Loki woke up he was being warmly embraced by Thor, who slept beside him on an unfamiliar bed.
At first, he assumed Thor must have found a hostel for them, but then he realized they were inside a quaint wooden cabin.
He teleported out of Thor's arms and summoned his knives, bracing himself for a potential conflict.
I have to guard Thor while he sleeps, Loki thought. I cannot let the humans harm my shield brother.
But there weren't any humans to fight against. The wooden cabin they were inside of was empty. There was only a bed, a glowing fire, and bookshelves that had been stuffed full of thick books with hardy leather covers.
Loki squinted around, suspiciously, and used his magic to hunt for hidden mages. He knew the mages were talented with invisibility spells and he knew they liked to spy on him, but he did not find any mages.
Shrugging to himself, Loki sent his knives back to their pocket dimension.
Then he searched through the cabin for food, but didn't find any food.
That's fine, Loki thought. When Thor wakes, I'll lead him outside and we'll hunt for game. Until he wakes, I must remain here to guard him against interlopers.
"She just stowed them away in a cabin?" Tony said. "And they let her do that? I thought Loki would have stabbed her with his knives."
"Loki fainted," Vision said. "Then Thor carried him into the cabin that Wanda built for them because he wanted to give Loki a safe place to sleep."
"No kidding?" Tony said, laughing. "I've never seen Loki faint before. Did Wanda zap him with something?"
"No," Vision said. "I think Loki is suffering from a magical ailment? Something Odin did to him."
"What kind of magical ailment?" Tony said. "Something like the mind control voodoo Loki used against Clint and the other people he hypnotized?"
"Yes," Vision said. "Something like that."
Tony shrugged. "Does that mean we're done with this orphan hunt? Now we can look for the other twin?"
"I believe so," Vision said. "Wanda will visit Loki and Thor whenever they're willing to permit her inside of their cabin, but she'll spend most of her time searching for her other son."
"Gotcha," Tony said. "We gonna get beamed up to another timeline, then?"
"No," Vision said. "Wanda wants us to help her protect Loki. She's going to go and search for her second son, but she wants us to stay behind to protect Loki."
"Loki is a big ol' space Viking," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "He's got magic and knives and probably a bunch of poison hidden under his fancy costume. What does he need us for?"
Vision chuckled. "He needs us to help him blend in with the humans? We don't want any of them to attack him. He'll panic if they attack him and he won't hesitate to kill anyone who frightens him."
"Aha," Tony said, grinning. "We've gotta protect the civilians from the super villain your wife just adopted."
"Yes," Vision said. "We also need to prevent S.H.I.E.L.D. from capturing Loki. They'll want to study his magic the same way they studied Wanda and her brother."
"Whatever," Tony said, shrugging. "I'll be the bodyguard."
"Thank you, Tony," Vision said. "We'll both watch over Loki and Thor and we'll keep everyone safe."
"Aye aye, captain," Tony said, in amusement.
When Thor finally woke up, he was in a good mood. He was happy to explore outside and hunt rabbits for their meal.
Loki reminded himself, sternly, that this Thor variant was from 1887. He was much younger than the brother that Loki was used to bickering with.
I'll need to be more polite, Loki thought. If Thor loses his temper, he might injure some of the humans.
He was relieved to know that the Scarlet Witch had gifted them an isolated cabin in the woods. There weren't any humans around to bother them. There was nothing but trees, animals, and a large lake.
This will be our home, Loki thought. It'll do for now. We'll find a better home when we can, but for now this will do well enough.
After they captured a few rabbits, the two of them set to work skinning and cooking them over a campfire and Loki politely sang a few campfire songs while they worked in order to keep Thor's spirits up.
Thor was always happy to sing along to campfire songs. He looked like he was in a pleasant mood as they sang together.
Once the meat was cooked, Loki summoned cups and bowls from his pocket dimension and then collected water from the nearby lake.
He used his magic to clean it and then offered one of the cups to Thor.
It was only proper for Thor to drink first, so Loki waited until Thor had tasted the water and found it satisfying.
Then Loki allowed himself to drink.
It was only proper for Thor to taste the food first, so Loki waited until Thor had taken a hearty bite of the rabbit meat that they had cooked together.
It looked like Thor found it satisfying. He grinned at Loki, approvingly, and said, "Are you not hungry, Prince Loki?"
"Aye," Loki said, softly. "I am hungry."
Loki finally allowed himself to eat.