Chapter Text
Catching feelings for Emily Pope had left Jesse in a special kind of hell.
They still worked side by side, every day, in meetings and departmental projects, as they slowly brought the Bureau back to a kind of normalcy. They had cleared sectors of remaining Hiss, one by one, and were steadily pursuing resolution of the external lockdown.
They even still exchanged gifts now and then: A surprise research discovery here, a relocated resource there, the last chocolate chip cookie from a ration, a hot cup of coffee after a restless sleep. They'd learned each other's habits, preferences, and moods.
So their relationship wandered in a strange kind of intimate limbo wherein Jesse wanted something she didn't know how to ask for. Overall she felt painfully awkward, but resolved to try to be the best friend to Emily that she could.
Ultimately their mutual familiarity meant that Jesse could plainly tell, as Emily walked toward her from across Central Executive, that she was about to be asked for a favor.
She smoothed down her jacket and leaned against a vending machine in what she assumed was a devastatingly cool pose.
Emily smiled at her as she approached. "Director," she greeted.
"Doctor Pope," Jesse replied.
Emily cocked her head. "Why are you standing like that? Are you injured?"
"I'm fine," Jesse said, with a sigh. She abandoned her pose and took up a meandering stroll, knowing Emily liked to walk and talk. "What's up?"
"Well, as you know, I've been working on completing my field training."
Jesse did know. She'd been privately stressed every time Emily had ventured out with a ranger squad to patrol. She nodded along as they headed up the stairs.
"While it's not strictly a requirement, I'd like to wrap up the process by attaining field certification. I need the Director's authorization to do that."
Jesse frowned. "Do me a favor and pretend I missed a memo and don't know what that means."
Naturally, Emily was prepared for that exact contingency. She pulled a file off her clipboard and handed it over. "The field certification course is a mix of Bureau protocols. You have to traverse shifted terrain, identify and mitigate Altered Items, that sort of thing. The goal is to locate the trophy at the summit in the threshold, then return it to the threshold exit before time expires."
"Oh. That sounds kinda fun," Jesse said, as she flipped through the file and peered at photos from the threshold.
"That opinion might be 'unique,'" Emily replied, with a tiny laugh. "The course is actually known as a filter event for aspiring rangers." She paused, easily anticipating Jesse's new concern about some untoward risk. "Technically, my field training is complete. This additional certification is optional for my particular role within the Bureau."
Jesse waited. When no further explanation was forthcoming, she held up the file in question. "So, why do it?"
Emily leaned in to offer a stage whisper. "I'm an overachiever."
"Yeah, but that's not why," Jesse countered immediately.
"No." Emily considered her reply for a long moment while they walked on in silence. "You've probably heard agents comment on how unusual it is to see the Director out in the field. Imagine their surprise when they see the Head of Research."
Jesse half expected an answer like that. She grumbled as she changed course for her office, knowing Emily would accompany her. "You don't need to..." she began, once the door was closed behind them. She tossed the threshold file on her desk, then sighed and dragged her fingers through her hair. "I'm not any kind of 'standard' or anything. I'm a freak of nature. You've said so yourself, just more politely. You don't have to keep pace with me in the field."
"Someone should," Emily argued, with a stubborn lift of her chin. "And I am nominating myself. I believe the fundamental disconnect between senior leadership and the realities of the Bureau was a big part of what doomed us at the onset of the Hiss invasion. And - lockdown notwithstanding - there is a lot of important data to be collected outside of my office. I need to be equipped for that." She shifted a little closer and dropped her voice. "I need to be equipped to help you."
Jesse grit her teeth and sat on the edge of her desk, with her head bowed. Emily watched her, lifted a hand out to offer a reassuring touch, thought better of it, and dropped her hand again with a sigh.
"Someone needs to have your back, Jesse," she continued. "No offense to Polaris, of course. But it's important to me that I can help protect you."
"You already do," Jesse protested. "I need you to be safe."
Emily gazed at her, implacable. "Arguably, rigorous training is the best way to ensure that."
The objection was on the tip of Jesse's tongue. She didn't need backup. She certainly didn't want Emily to risk injury or worse for any godforsaken notion of protecting the Director. Jesse worked her jaw, ready to say stupid, angry things that weren't actually about field certification, but were definitely more about Emily herself, and how she should be careful because if anything happened to her Jesse might just tear the entire House apart.
Polaris rumbled at her in a low warning.
Jesus, this was all so frustrating. Far too many people counted on them both for Jesse to be pining away day by day, absolutely wrecked by stupid schoolgirl infatuation. She had to get her shit together and treat her friend with proper professional respect, even if that meant ignoring the acute agony of imagining Emily in any kind of danger.
"Okay. I'll approve it," Jesse said, quietly.
Emily looked relieved, as if she'd somehow detected the threat of a truly catastrophic schism opening between them even if she wasn't entirely sure why. "Thank you." She turned to leave, stopped short of the door, then doubled back, approaching Jesse with some caution. "You know, it occurs to me - you never got certified either."
"Uh." Jesse reeled a bit, trying to refocus on the conversation. "No, I guess not. No one ever mentioned that."
"There were definitely more pressing concerns at the time," Emily said. "But I'm sure someone in HR is privately having a panic attack every time you head into hostile areas without the proper paperwork. The certification event supports up to a team of three. Would you like to join me?"
Despite the definite impulse to wallow in self-pity, Jesse perked up. "Yeah?"
"Given your abilities, the course won't pose much of a challenge."
"I won't cheat," Jesse promised. "I actually really like obstacle courses. It'd be fun."
"Again, not an opinion shared broadly around the Bureau," Emily reminded her, with a smile. "I'll ask Arish to get it scheduled. Thanks, Jesse."
Jesse watched her go, feeling heartsick and deeply pathetic about it as the door closed behind her.
Polaris' frequencies went sharp, needling in her brain.
"Not helping," Jesse muttered in response.
At the appointed time Jesse made her way to the threshold entrance, and wandered into the adjoining locker room to change into the usual expedition gear. Emily was already there, already dressed, and practically bouncing in anticipation. She lit up upon Jesse's entrance, and offered a cheerful greeting.
(She was painfully adorable.)
Jesse went pretty much monosyllabic in sheer self defense as she pulled on her jumpsuit and fought with the buckles and straps of her equipment.
"I've been reviewing the course objectives," Emily announced. She sat on a nearby bench and flipped the tactical pouch on her wrist open to study the threshold intel. "In case you want any spoilers. Though I'm aware you're quite accustomed to improvisation," she added, as she gave Jesse a bright grin.
Jesse couldn't help but shake her head at Emily's enthusiasm. "I thought you said agents didn't enjoy this whole thing," she muttered.
"Well, maybe they would if they were spending time with their favorite Director." Emily shrugged. "I'm honestly looking forward to it. Though the rangers did mention there was some unusual resonance detected in the threshold."
At that Jesse straightened in alarm. "So should we do this later? When it's safe?"
"I suspect that would defeat the 'spirit' of field certification," Emily said, wryly. "Also my partner for this event is notably skilled at defeating hostile resonance. I'm not worried."
Jesse was worried, all of a sudden. She made a face and bent again to tie her boots.
Emily fidgeted a little. "Jesse, is something wrong?"
Jesse kept her eyes pointed down. "No, why?"
"You've been acting a bit weird lately, is all."
Jesse bounced upright. "I'm not weird. You're weird."
Emily looked at her with pained confusion.
Jesse sighed and gestured toward the next room where the threshold entrance awaited them. "Let's just do this, huh?"
She was aware she was being an asshole, but couldn't figure out how to fix it, yet. Maybe if she was lucky, Emily would come out of the field certification exercise absolutely hating her guts, thereby entirely sparing her the trouble of figuring out how to be "just friends."
Arish met them at the light switch cord, and issued Emily a sidearm and a flare gun. "Okay, agents. You've been provided the standard threshold intel and equipment. You have six hours to return with the course marker," he advised them. "Though there is a bet going that you two will set the course completion record."
He grinned. Emily smiled back. Jesse scowled even harder than before.
He cleared his throat and backed away. "Use the flare gun if you need evac," he added in a hurry. "Good luck out there."
The threshold transition left Jesse at the bottom of a ridge of shifted concrete blocks that spiraled upward into a cavernous space bounded by the Oldest House's usual smooth gray walls. She felt her mood lighten a bit at the change in scenery, even as Emily popped into view nearby.
"You were going to do this solo?" Jesse asked, with a sideways glance.
Emily looked up and had to chuckle. "Well, if you hadn't agreed to join me, I was going to 'encourage' one of the newbie Ranger candidates to come along." She consulted her tactical intel and pointed toward a path that wound between huge displaced chunks of Bureau infrastructure.
They set off and hiked for a few minutes in vaguely uneasy silence while Jesse could feel Polaris prodding at her in increasing impatience. Finally, she blew out an explosive breath.
"Listen. I'm sorry," she blurted aloud. "That I was a jerk. Am being a jerk." She shrugged, a little dramatic. "Will probably continue being a jerk. You asked if something was wrong, and there's not, really. But I'll get it under control. Sorry."
"Okay," Emily said slowly as she processed that declaration. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
"No. Thanks, though." Jesse took a breath and squinted at the tangled mass of Bureau flotsam ahead of them. "So, I know my Head of Research gave me some reading material about this exercise, but... I might have misplaced it." She gave Emily a faintly pleading look.
"Right. So, a few rangers discovered this threshold, years back," Emily explained. "They started using it for team training exercises, and then it became the de facto course for field certification. The terrain shifts, as you might expect, and we've also got some spatially-anchored Altered Items - mimics, primarily - along with some Altered navigation to round out the overall experience."
She scrambled up a ledge, then turned to offer Jesse a hand. Jesse took it, then overcompensated a bit on the landing, nearly colliding with Emily before regaining her footing. She grabbed at Emily's arms to make sure they were both steady, met Emily's eyes, and felt her mouth go dry.
"If you wanted to use your powers to skip ahead..." Emily began.
"No," Jesse protested immediately. "I'm with you."
Emily nodded, then shifted away for a convenient intel check and resumed the trek upward.
The small bursts of conversation between them were terse and cumbersome even as they applied their natural teamwork to the first Altered Item obstacle, a teapot that had to be reunited with a garish knitted cosy so it could warm enough to whistle and trigger a passage to open to the next part of the climb.
Jesse found herself yawing between extremes: utter delight at teaming up with Emily on a proper adventure, and paralyzing guilt about the unspoken feelings she harbored for her friend. She would relax for a moment, then promptly regret it when Emily smiled at her. She needed a distraction.
"So like. Dimensionally speaking..." Jesse began. "We're not leasing this whole thing in Manhattan, right?" She twirled a finger to indicate the enormous space of the threshold.
Emily grinned, just like she did the day Jesse had asked about Objects of Power. "Well, as you might imagine, threshold metaphysical properties are a favorite debate topic in the Research department. And the short answer is: It depends. The strongest argument we have for contiguous dimensional topography is the relatively constant observed gravitational force..."
Jesse settled in to listen to Emily's familiar and lengthy theorizing with a smile, and congratulated herself on successfully interjecting a topic that would yield copious conversational opportunities to buffer from her emotional turmoil.
"In fact, one of my first projects when I came to the Bureau was developing a signal relay to measure relativistic distances between dimensional thresholds," Emily continued. She hopped over what looked like a industrial steam pipe ripped right out of Maintenance, then paused for a moment to catch her breath. "The first signal response took three weeks. Some still haven't been received, though I keep checking."
"So you've asked a question you might never learn the answer to?" Jesse asked. "I bet that drives you nuts."
"That's the nature of the job. Besides - I am very patient," Emily replied, with an enigmatic look that Jesse could in no way interpret, but it nevertheless made her heart skip.
They teamed up to scale a sheer rock face, then sat together on the edge for a breather. Jesse leaned back, propped herself against her hands, and took a long look around.
They weren't under the mysterious alien skies of the Quarry, but this threshold had its own appeal. Jesse could suddenly understand Emily's desire to explore more of the Oldest House, and all the strange places the Bureau discovered.
Beside her, Emily pulled a canteen out of her pack, took a swig of water, then shared it over. "Thanks for doing this with me, Jesse."
Jesse likewise took a gulp, handed back the canteen, and smirked. "Thanks for browbeating me into it."
Emily shook her head, and they sat for a couple minutes in quiet camaraderie. Jesse realized she felt at peace, even while knee-deep in terrifying weirdness, so long as Emily was there.
You know what? she thought, hearkening back to her very first day at the Bureau. I'm happy, happy to be here.
With her.
They'd been scaling the shifted course for a couple hours when they came to a plateau piled with an aged assortment of FBC supplies.
"The midway checkpoint," Emily announced. She promptly flipped open the pouch on her wrist to review her tactical intel for the second half of the course.
Jesse brushed off a storage crate, opened it to find first aid equipment and a radio, then shut the crate again and looked around. "How the hell does Ahti even get up here?" she asked, when she spotted a janitor's cart with a mop and radio.
"That's a mimic," Emily said, idly. She didn't even look up from her notes.
With predictable curiosity, Jesse wandered over toward the cart, only for it to condense and fizzle into a tiny ball of energy that skittered across the plateau, where it turned into a field lantern. She blinked, then gave Emily an incredulous look. "Holy shit. How the hell did you know that?"
Emily finally looked up, and took a moment to focus. "Hm? Oh, I didn't. Not really. Call it a... predictive observation. The cart was an object that is both entirely commonplace but definitely out of place, in an environment known to contain variable reality. The available data supported the hypothesis that it was an Altered Item mimicking something else."
"Okay, but you detected and processed all of that without even noticing," Jesse argued. "You're like, fucking Sherlock Holmes."
"Indubitably," Emily replied, with a little laugh at her own joke. "It's actually a habit I picked up early in Research - intake and catalogue new available data, prioritize your reaction accordingly. I do that unconsciously, by now."
Jesse could only shake her head in awe. "You're just... so amazing."
"Says the woman who can fly," Emily countered. She was smiling until she realized how utterly miserable Jesse looked. "You're not still worried about your Director qualifications, are you?"
Oddly, Jesse wasn't. She was, however, increasingly convinced that Emily could never be into to a reckless screwup burdened by infinite trauma and no ability to keep up on her memos. She shook her head. "No."
Emily hovered nearby, her expression twisted to mirror Jesse's anguish. "Jesse, I..." She bit back whatever it was she was going to say, even as she stepped closer. She lifted a hand and - this time, finally - let herself complete the gesture, resting her hand on the open collar of Jesse's expedition gear and letting her thumb graze across Jesse's jaw. "You know I..."
Then she faltered as the air around them went eerily still. "Something's wrong."
It was actually a split second later that Jesse felt it too, and Polaris flared in vibrant alarm.
The plateau crackled, flashed red, then resounded with a roar as Hiss erupted from dimensional passage and dropped to rush toward them.
Jesse grabbed fistfuls of Emily's suit and hauled her to cover behind an elevated block of concrete. "Stay here," she ordered, before levitating out into the open to attract attention and fire. She spun the Service Weapon through its forms and took a few convenient shots while she dodged and assessed the overall threat.
Emily drew her sidearm and peeked out from cover. Two of the Hiss were training grenade launchers at Jesse, and the third was a disfigured Warped using violent resonant energies to tear apart the concrete around them, resolving into a horrific cyclone of debris.
She unloaded one magazine into the nearest demolitions expert, ducked back into cover to reload, and heard the telltale increasing pitch of bleeps from grenades arcing through the air in her direction.
In a blur, Jesse zipped past and placed a shield between the explosives and Emily. The grenades exploded against the barrier, kicking up hot air and dust but otherwise leaving them both unharmed. Jesse shot off again, and finished off one of the demolitions experts with a telekinetic toss of a chunk of concrete while Emily reloaded, then took out the other.
That only left the Warped, looming and massive it bore down on them.
Jesse dipped out of the air and skidded behind cover next to Emily. They exchanged a wordless look, then bolted back into action; Emily dove out of cover to grab a grenade launcher left on the concrete floor, and Jesse shot up, into the air, summoning another shield to fend off the whirling energy around the remaining Hiss. She used one last burst of energy to seize the grenade launcher and toss it into Emily's grasp.
Emily thudded to the ground and hefted the weapon. It felt like something was guiding her as she lined up her shot and fired, desperately hoping she'd manage to avoid hitting Jesse.
The explosive impact enraged the Hiss, and it staggered. Jesse landed again, fired her Service Weapon until it overheated in her grasp, and the Hiss doubled in on itself and imploded, discharging a massive burst of energy that tossed both women across the plateau and dashed them into the dirt.
The quiet in the wake of the attack was just as sudden as the attack itself. The Hiss vaporized back into dimensional nothing, leaving only crumbled and creaking concrete as evidence of their presence.
After a long moment Emily groaned and rolled over, seeing Jesse sprawled a few feet away. She gasped in relief when she saw Jesse was still breathing.
Jesse looked over her direction, similarly relieved, and dragged herself closer, reaching for Emily, who reached back.
They grabbed at each other's hands and slumped back onto the dusty ground, safe but scuffed.
After a few minutes, Emily took stock and decided her entire body felt like one enormous bruise, but she was otherwise unharmed. She tugged a bit at their joined hands. "Okay, but seriously," she rasped. "You don't get to be blown up before we talk about whatever the hell's been bothering you."
Jesse exhaled a laugh that turned into a cough. She sprawled flat on her back and rubbed the grit out of her eyes with her free hand. "Yeah, okay. I guess avoiding it isn't actually helping." Her voice went small and quiet. She could feel Polaris prodding at her, pushing her toward the truth. "I have feelings for you." She paused, but realized she couldn't risk any remaining ambiguity. "Like, romantic feelings."
Emily's breath caught, and her eyes went wide. "You do?"
"Yeah."
"Why is that a problem?"
Suddenly she wasn't so sure. Jesse lifted her hand into the air, gesturing at everything. "Because you're my best friend - my only friend, in this dimension. And I kinda think the world depends on us doing the job we do? Which means I can't mess that up just because I have a crush on a cute girl."
"That's what this is about? Jesse."
"It does sound extra stupid out loud," Jesse admitted. "Sorry."
Emily heaved a massive sigh and slowly sat upright, then wrapped her arms around her knees. She chewed on her lip for a long, nervous moment before she replied. "You know, I had... such a hard time finding my place in the Bureau. My peers all thought I'd been given undue access even while I was blocked out of important projects. And though I'm not exactly interested in making 'friends,' I do recognize that having some degree of professional collegiality is beneficial to my job." She rolled her eyes at herself. "I couldn't really manage that, either." She looked over when Jesse sat up next to her. "You changed all that. All the procedural barriers were suddenly out of my way, and we had such an immediate connection."
Jesse nodded in agreement.
"Your charm is actually transitive - I don't know if you realize that. Everyone's been more inclined to give me a chance because you did. It's remarkable." Emily frowned and turned pensive. "And the world kinda depends on us doing the job we do."
"Yeah." At that, Jesse hung her head, sad but resigned. "I'm sorry. I'm just... sorry."
Emily hated it. She hated the notion that despite everything, they'd found each other, but couldn't have each other. It was completely unfair, and the Bureau had already taken so much, from Jesse in particular.
She reflected on the weeks since the Hiss invasion, and how her own paralyzing shock and horror had basically evaporated the moment she'd met Jesse. She recalled the shy delight of waking up next to each other in Executive, the gentle intimacy of exchanging tiny gifts, the slow forging of deep, profound friendship, and the little thrills of attraction she'd tried so hard to ignore.
Her natural penchant for observation definitely hadn't failed her in regard to Jesse; she was well aware that they'd been growing closer, which was why she'd been so confused by Jesse's recent hot-and-cold behavior.
Now it all made a great deal more sense. Jesse was so scared, but was honest and brave about it anyway.
All of which meant it was up to Emily to offer another gift in exchange. She slid one foot over to nudge Jesse's. "You really think I'm cute?"
Jesse looked up again, and took in Emily's disheveled appearance, the dirt smudged across her face, her mussed hair. "I think you're beautiful."
Emily flushed, a little embarrassed but clearly pleased. "Well, you realize I'm here because of you, right?" she asked. "I mean way beyond the literal part where you saved my life. I'm here, right now, covered in dust from another dimension and sore as hell, because of you, Jesse. Not because of the Director. Because I'm happy when I'm with you." She paused, with a sheepish expression. "You're not the only one with a crush," she concluded.
Jesse's mouth dropped open, before she broke into a slow, delighted grin. "Really?"
"Immediate connection," Emily emphasized. "You showing up in that leather jacket and casual bad attitude and saving my life? I practically swooned."
"I knew you liked that jacket," Jesse whispered to herself, enjoying Emily's familiar, fond exasperation. "But is it... can we even..."
"I'd really like to try," Emily said.
Jesse's eyes went wide and bright. Rather than risk a disproportionately emotional reply, she scrambled to her feet, then offered a hand to Emily and helped brush the dust off between them both.
She spent a long beat deliberately drifting in Emily's personal space. With a careful fingertip, she brushed a stray wisp of blonde hair back into place, before ducking her head with a smile.
Emily couldn't help but laugh at how mutually ridiculous they were being. She felt a little dizzy at the emotional whiplash of the day, and she shook her head. "This is not what I was expecting out of field certification," she said.
"Oh, shit. Right. We should capture the flag, or whatever." Jesse shifted, honestly a bit relieved to break the intensity of the moment.
Before she could wander off, Emily grabbed at the convenient buckle on the front of Jesse's expedition gear and tugged her in close.
They stared into each other for a few heartbeats, and Jesse's breath went shallow and uncertain. For all her leather-jacket-Director bravado, she had lived a complicated and isolated life. Aside from a few fumbling encounters in dark corners of gay bars, she really hadn't experienced any deep intimacy that didn't involve an alien consciousness twinkling in her mind, and that definitely couldn't have prepared her for the closeness of Emily's soft warmth and her wry smile.
Emily tilted in and pressed a kiss to Jesse's cheek. "We'll figure this out together, okay?" she promised, quietly.
"Okay," Jesse agreed. She waggled her eyebrows in challenge. "Think we can still beat that record?"
"Hell yes," Emily declared, before they set off again.
A couple hours later, Emily ziplined down from the course summit, while Jesse gracefully floated alongside her. They landed in front of a small crowd of rangers and researchers, who watched them in anticipation.
Emily unhooked her harness, fished out the course trophy from her pack, and held it aloft - an Altered boomerang. She hit the button to trigger course completion, then turned to Arish, who clicked his stopwatch.
He grinned and held the watch up for inspection. "We have a new course record, by eight minutes!"
The crowd erupted in cheers as Emily wound up and chucked the boomerang back into the threshold where it promptly disappeared, resetting itself for the next certification attempt. Jesse happily joined in the applause on Emily's behalf, and laughed in delight when Emily pulled her into a hug.
Doctor Pope was going to be a legend in the House from then on, and Director Faden couldn't have been happier about it.
Notification of their mutual certification hit the tubes immediately. The entire House felt lighter, more buoyant. Even Polaris radiated around them, celebrating unseen.
It was amazing.
When they returned to the locker room to change, they were all stolen glances and shy smiles.
Emily sat on a bench and started undoing the buckles and straps of her expedition outfit while carefully keeping her HRA in place. Jesse sat next to her, straddling the bench, and reached out to help with the fasteners on the wrist pouch. Her fingers were gentle, her touch mindful of bruises and scrapes left over from the Hiss encounter. She let the pouch fall to the floor and lifted Emily's hand to inspect abraded knuckles, then sucked air between her teeth in sympathy. "Does this hurt?"
"Yeah," Emily admitted. "Honestly I kinda feel like I've been run over. Don't think I'll be signing up with the rangers anytime soon."
"They'd be lucky to have you. You're a badass," Jesse decided, with a smile. When their eyes met, Jesse froze, tempted to duck away like she had so many times before. Instead she stayed put, incredibly aware of the heat rising on her cheeks. "Emily, I..."
Emily leaned over and kissed her, briefly, then stayed close when they parted.
Jesse kept her eyes closed. "So that wasn't just a threshold effect, huh?" she asked.
Emily canted her head a bit and smiled. "Mm, no. Kinda think you're stuck with me."
Jesse's heart lurched. There were a hundred ways she could mess this up, but she decided that if Emily had faith in her, she could do literally anything. She kissed Emily back, smiling at the smile pressed against her lips.
Elsewhere, Polaris sparkled with fireworks in a way that conveyed, Finally.