Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“It’s like the tab on a fizzy!”

“A fizzy?! What the hell is that, Scarlet Witch?”

“You can’t go back to referring to me by supposed title when I’ve seen you naked, Lady Death.”

“….”

“Hm, who knew Death could blush?” Lilia muttered.

“No, what do you call those things you put in a turkey to make sure its done?!” Sharon pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to usher the correct term into her mind.

“They’re just thermometers, aren’t they?” Lilia settled on the arm of the pink sofa they were all crowded around, tilting her head to the side as she assessed Agatha sat on the seat. “Better question: the hell’s a ‘fizzy?!’”

“I think it means soda, but pretty sure that’s British slang,” Alice explained.

“Did you pick it up from da—” Billy caught himself mid sentence, “I mean, Vision?!”

Wanda nodded, but her eyes weren’t on him.

They were focused on the woman on the couch. Jen passed in front of Agatha, motioning with her hands to make room through the crowd of the Westview Coven.

“Give me some room, please!” Jen chided gently pressing a hand to Wanda’s shoulder to edge her out of the way. She then directed her gaze to Agatha. “Now let’s get the shirt up!”

“You know, one of these days you’re going to have to buy me dinner,” Agatha grumbled, leaning back slightly and lifting the shirt that covered her rounded stomach. Jen turned to Lilia.

“Any chance that ever happens in the future?”

“Not that I’ve seen. But if the future starts looking dicey I’ll have Alice shoot you, just in case!”

Alice gave a salute. Jen chuckled and pulled out the portable Doppler. Rio sat down next to Agatha, reaching over with the bottle of ultrasound gel and squirting a generous glob onto Agatha’s stomach as Agatha winced reflexively with the cold.

“No, not a turkey thermometer, those things for phones, whaddya call ‘em?!” Sharon returned to wracking her brain.

“What are all of you deadweights going on about?!” Agatha asked, glancing around at her coven, hands clasped at the crest of her stomach as she angled onto the back cushions of the couch to give Jen a better angle.

They’d been whispering since she’d waddled into the room for Jen’s semi-weekly assessment of her pregnancy.

Wanda paled. “Oh, you don’t need to worry about—”

“It’s not obvious?” Jen raised an eyebrow even as she slid the portable Doppler over Agatha’s tummy, just below Agatha’s rather prominently protruding navel.

“Yes, it’s completely obvious, that’s why I asked the question. Just to waste time!” Agatha’s voice was drenched in sarcasm.

“Popsocket! Her belly button’s like one of those pop sockets!” Sharon finally explained, giddy that she’d finally found the word she was looking for.

Agatha stared blankly for a few seconds.

Wanda and Billy tensed. Alice looked at Sharon like she was insane. Lilia was muttering a prayer under her breath and Jen shook her head in disbelief.

They all turned to Agatha, waiting for her response.

It wasn’t exactly inaccurate. Now five months into her pregnancy, Agatha’s belly was perfectly round, protruding straight outwards. Only recently had the ice cream shaped scoop of bump been anointed with the proverbial cherry on top: Agatha’s popped out belly button. Her navel succumbing the pressure of her expanding uterus.

But whispering about it was entirely different than openly comparing Agatha’s (completely adorable, if you asked Wanda) belly button to a… Popsocket.

“Ha! Good one, Mrs. Hart!” Agatha finally replied with a sweetness that was unsettling rather than reassuring. “It’s so great that my body looks completely ridiculous thanks to these two—” Agatha grasped Rio and Wanda’s arms roughly, her smile also a little too wide.

Wanda and Rio exchanged a look. Billy heard a conversation between thoughts:

How much damage is she about to do? Scale of 1 to murder?!

Nuclear apocalypse. Rio thought in reply as Agatha released her and Wanda’s biceps.

“Well I didn’t say—” Sharon seemed to have picked up on the danger in Agatha’s tone. Was backing slowly towards the entryway.

Rio frowned, suddenly feeling too light. Her hands searched her form, wondering what was missing.

“You know, just for noticing, I’ve got a little present for you!” Agatha continued in the same sickly sweet voice.

“Oh, present?! I love—”

Agatha’s hand shot forward quickly, but it was what was in her hand that speared through the air like lightning: Rio’s athame, the blade shimmering as it passed through a thread of sunlight streaming into the room through the blinds. A split second later, it had itself into Sharon’s chest.

“Oooh, that looked like it hurt…” Rio muttered, giving her partner a pleased kiss on the forehead as Sharon went stark white and then collapsed to the ground.

“Don’t celebrate that!” Wanda sighed. Rio shrugged off the

Billy rushed over, shaking Sharon’s even more lifeless than normal form.

“Agatha! You just killed Sharon!”

“Eh, she’ll shamble it off.”

Chapter Text

Most days Wanda didn’t bother to ask why Agatha was in a foul mood. Agatha would just nonchalantly disregard the inquiry or insist she was perfectly fine.

And then do something “completely fine.” Like set Wanda’s hair on fire.

“Sorry, I have such a hard time controlling my magic these days! It was way easier with the Darkhold. You know, the book you stole and then destroyed?!”

Wanda’s fingers toyed with the vestige of a singed end of her (metaphorically) blazing red hair. She was glad today she didn’t need to ask. It was fairly obvious by the way Agatha was grunting and muttering while she delicately crafted a cake to the vibrant strumming of a classical rendition of a famous tune about never ever getting back together that Wanda couldn’t quite remember performer.

It was obvious: Agatha Harkness was not a fan of Valentine’s Day.

“Do you think maybe you should make it a color other than black?!” Wanda asked, trying to keep her voice casual as she gazed around the large kitchen. It looked like a bomb went off: bowls, pans, spatulas and spoons lay strewn about next to half mixed concoctions of varying shades of red, violet or black and containers full of moldable chocolate.

Agatha glanced up, blue eyes steady and unreadable, a light dust of flour painted across her cheeks. Her hands squeezed around an icing bag, the piping tip still oozing crimson from some gelatinous icing.

“What other color would it be?!”

“Most people go for red. This is for a Valentine’s right?” Wanda whispered the penultimate word like she curse them if she spoke too loudly.

Agatha rolled here eyes and dropped a few more bits of red gel icing in oblong shapes along the outline of the cake. Drips and drops of what Wanda assumed was meant to be blood.

The cake itself certainly didn’t look like she would have expected.

“It’s not for anything I just felt like cake. Cravings. Because you knocked me up!”

“Ah, right. Then …. why that shape?”

“Did I not pull it off? What does it look like to you?” Agatha deposited the bag to the side of the pan upon which the cake sat.

Wanda tilted her head, frowning. She had been tracing the creation of the cake in pieces, not paying full attention to the ultimate shape until now. The odd semicircle Agatha had started with had slowly become surrounded by a series of etchings and oddly arranged protrusions. It looked familiar, but she couldn’t quite place….

Then it hit her. She glanced up to Agatha exasperated.

“Are those arteries?!”

Agatha smirked triumphantly. She pointed to a round loop near the top of the black cake batter, “That’s an aorta. And those are ventricles,” Agatha’s fingers circled above thinner lines along the shape, “these are arteries.”

“Of course. So, why are you making a literal heart?”

A flicker of a smirk passed through Agatha’s eyes before she said too coyly:

“No reason! Want to have a taste?!”

Wanda had to admit it looked delicious. But Agatha’s tone was too mischievous for her liking. She didn’t know what the trap was, but she knew there must be one.

“No thanks!” Wanda replied, moving away as though afraid Agatha might force the cake down her throat.

Agatha’s eyes stayed on her. Like a big cat stalking its prey before the inevitable attack.

“Forget the cake—you’ve been at it all day! Let’s get you off your feet!” Wanda danced to the dining table a few feet away from the kitchen island, hand’s patting the arms of an ornate dining room chair, beckoning Agatha to sit.

Agatha’s head tilted with the calculus of a plan, and before Wanda could muster up another distraction she whipped a hand forward, violet magic swirling around the chair. It pushed backwards into Wanda with such force it knocked the wind from her, doubling her over the back of it and then forward. Agatha whipped her hand the other way and the chair caught Wanda’s sprawling figure, then catapulted forward with Wanda now seated and dazed. Right back to Agatha’s side.

“Th-that was quite the trick!” Wanda’s eyes fluttered, still dazed. Agatha’s foot was suddenly on the chair, forcing Wanda’s legs apart so as to avoid them being stepped on. She leaned forward, flowing chestnut hair hanging low across Wanda’s face. Wanda felt Agatha’s leg shift. Felt the older witch’s knee press against core. Heat coursed through her as Agatha’s lips hovered near her ear.

“Roses are red, Violets smell good… Why not have cake like Agatha says you should?!”

Agatha pulled back enough so that Wanda could see she was holding a bowl of cake batter for the black heart cake.

“I don’t tolerate food dyes well,” Wanda lied.

“Lucky you, because this uses all natural blackberry and cocoa powder!” Agatha’s lithe finger dipped into the edge of the batter. She drew it back out with excruciating slowness. Her finger floated between their shared line of sight. Wanda unable to tear green irises from the oozing black goop dripping from the apex of Agatha’s index finger. Her mouth seemed to react on its own as the scent of freshly mixed blackberries highlighted by the bitter punch of cocoa reached her nose. Her jaw parting, salivary glands activating.

Agatha smirked once more before pulling her finger into her own mouth, exaggerating the slurping and sucking noises as she swallowed the morsel of cake batter.

Wanda released a breath and exasperated chuckle. Gods the woman was such a tease.

“Sorry… Were you waiting for me to feed you?”

“No, as a matter of fact, I can get my own serving!” Wanda shifted, pushing out of the chair with Chaos aided speed, and dived for Agatha’s carefully constructed cake. Agatha realized an instant too late her partner’s destination, gasped and swiveled but couldn’t grab Wanda’s hand before her finger poked into the heart shaped cake.

Wanda’s face was just forming an equally devious smirk, her mouth quickly closing around her own finger covered in fully cooked cake, when a loud yelp rang out from the other room.

A yelp that didn’t sound pained, but more surprised and… Aroused?

“It wasn’t ready yet!” Agatha hissed. Wanda didn’t have time to ask before the sound of heavy, arrhythmic footfalls outside the kitchen reached her ears, and Rio lumbered into the room in a familiar black pantsuit complete with a violet tie with a pattern of crimson heart shapes, leaning on the doorway, panting. Her brown eyes were wild and bulging as she looked first at Wanda, then Agatha, and, finally, the cake set out on the kitchen island.

“Do you actually work at the FBI?!” Wanda frowned as she took in Rio’s attire. The tie was new, she was pretty sure. Rio threw her a glance and opened her mouth to reply, when she saw the cake and froze.

“What—is—that?”

“I made you a cake dear!” Agatha smiled with too much sweetness.

“It’s pretty good, too!” Wanda beamed.

“Why does it make me feel… Off?!” Rio practically hissed.

Agatha twirled her hair between a finger.

“What do you mean?!” Wanda glanced to Agatha, suddenly a little more than just worried.

“Weellllll… I maybe did a teensy little bit of woo-woo with it…”

“Woo woo?!”

“She means magic. She made a Devil food cake!” Rio growled.

“Is that where that term comes from?” Wanda hummed in recognition. Rio ignored her and turned to face Agatha.

“Did you steal my hair? What did you use to ground the connection?!”

“Uh-uh, I’m not telling you so you can’t break it! You’ll have to spend the rest of VD like you’ve caught some sort of… VD. The venereal disease of human emotion!” Agatha smirked triumphantly.

“Wait, VD…. Is that what was in the cake?! Did you poison me too?! Am I going to die?” Wanda spoke through chews of the cake still in her mouth (it really was delicious) her heart galloping like it was competing in the Kentucky Derby.

Rio groaned and fanned herself, glaring at Wanda.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, but this is why you shouldn’t go eating people’s food without asking!” Agatha chimed in, giving Wanda bemused elbow.

“Why, Agatha?!” Rio seemed to have recovered enough, she pushed off from the doorframe and stalked towards them. Before she took two steps, Agatha quickly grabbed a cake slice and slid it into the confection. Rio groaned and grabbed the counter top, reaching up to loosen her tie as heat flushed into her neck and cheeks.

“Well I can’t digest all of this one’s,” Agatha pointed accusingly to Wanda, “magick! She keeps pumping it into me subconsciously… Or I keep subonciously absorbing it. Or maybe a little of both. Doesn’t matter—point is, I have to burn off the excess somehow!”

“So you make a cake that makes me feel whatever the person eating it feels?!”

“Ain’t it romantic?!” Agatha fluttered her eyelashes and brought her hands together over her chest, pressing thumbs together facing down and curling the remaining fingers against one another in a metaphorical heart shape.

“I love it when you get experimental, babe, but you could have NGNHGN!!” Rio released an odd half whimper and collapsed to the floor as Wanda scooped out a slice of the cake and plopped it onto a plate.

“You really can bring Death to her knees. Neat.”

“Thought you might like that,” Agatha took the plate of cake from Wanda.

Rio looked between the two of them in disbelief.

“You know I have things to do right?! I can’t just stick around here feeling as useless and needy as the Scarlet Witch!”

“Ouch!” Wanda grumbled.

“Everyone’s always calling me heartless so I decide to do something romantic, and now you’re complaining. Unbelievable.”

“I never call you heartless! You literally have more than one heart in your body right now!” Rio whined, panting as Wanda’s mouth closed around a piece of her cake form superior vena cava.

“So…. When does it wear off?”

“When the cake is fully eaten. But if it makes you feel better the river runs both ways.” Agatha slid the cake pan towards Rio.

Rio was loosening her tie as more heat rushed through her (Wanda still hadn’t come down from Agatha’s teasing, apparently) but tilted her head at this.

“What do you mean?”

“I made it, so if you eat… I’ll feel whatever you have in that black heart of yours.”

Wanda glanced to Agatha out of the corner of her eye. Saw the familiar stoic expression characteristic of Agatha Harkness wanting to maintain a facade of haughty indifference.

“More like ‘Agatha Heartless…”’ Wanda muttered.

Agatha elbowed her, but kept her eyes locked on Rio.

“I’ve told you before: you’re all that’s in my heart.” Rio whispered softly.

Agatha looked up at her. A flicker of emotion passing over her face before the devious streak took hold.

Once more, a plan forming.

Wanda brushed fingers through Agatha’s hair, smirking as she followed Agatha’s thoughts, for once freely whispered into her mind. She slid a knife around the cake’s right ventricle, ignoring Rio’s tight lipped moan, and pulled the entire thing onto a plate. She handed it to Agatha, who held it high above her head.

Rio watched the delicate dance as Agatha settled into the chair, still warm from Wanda’s body. Wanda slid around behind Agatha, her fingers clasping at Agatha’s waist, at the string of her apron. She tugged it off, leaving Agatha in a simple white blouse and flowing black skirt.

Wanda grasped at the fabric of Agatha’s flowing, floor length black skirt roughly at her knees. Agatha leaned back, legs slowly sliding apart, her hands still extended over her head, holding the plate of cake. Rio watched as Wanda’s fingers bunched full of fabric, watched as Wanda slowly, inexorably, slid the skirt’s hem up towards Agatha’s hips.

Rio traced the languid movement of the fabric, breathing in every millimeter of alabaster flesh of Agatha’s legs that was revealed as Wanda slowly furled it upward.

Agatha’s eyes were closed, breathing in concentration with the slender fingers at work against her legs, moaning as Wanda nuzzled her nose briefly against the shell of her ear, then kissed along her neck, crouched down behind the chair Agatha sat in like a queen.

And then there was no more skirt. The fabric fully bunched where Agatha’s waist hinged, obscuring the gentle swell of her stomach. Agatha adjusted her position, legs spreading, and then, finally, she began to lower the slice of cake into the chasm between.

The Earth seemed to shift as Rio stared, somehow more ravenous than she had ever thought possible. And the scoop of cake plopped messily off the poorly balanced plate and right in front of Agatha’s crotch.

“Oops!” Agatha intoned with a mockingly girlish voice.

Rio had begun to crawl towards them, her legs too weak to support a walk. She was soon on her hands and knees before Agatha and Wanda—a violet queen at her throne and the scarlet bishop right beside her. Wanda reached over and grabbed Rio’s Valentine’s themed tie, yanking it with perhaps more force than necessary towards the feast waiting between Agatha’s legs.

A gatha slid her hand along Rio’s back, towards her head, until her fingers twisted in raven strands. She adjusted Rio’s view. Drawing brown eyes to her. Her eyes shimmered from bright blue to agonizingly controlling violet as Agatha gave her a command:

“Go on babe… Eat your heart out!”

Chapter Text

Billy always got a chill when a certain witch entered the room.

Rio Vidal had a way of setting his nerves on edge, sending his spine shivering with nervese. It didn’t help matters that she tended to simply appear without regard for whoever else was in the room.

So it came as a bit of a surprise when she trudged through the doorway connecting the kitchen to the living room. Pouting.

“Checkmate!” Tommy sat across from him, both of them seated on the floor so they could use the knee height coffee table set in front of the wraparound sectional sofa as a table for the chess set.

Billy tore his eyes from Rio, trying not to visibly shudder as she passed him to sit on the couch, and glanced at the board. He noticed the trick instantly.

“Bro, you can’t just switch my knight to C4!”

“I can if you don’t notice.”

Billy rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics, then turned to look at Rio. Not sure if he wanted to know why see seemed so sullen.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to ask as Sharon bustled into the room a few moments later, a large jug of lemonade in her hand. Tommy beamed and extended an empty glass towards her. She refilled the glass while glancing at Rio.

“Wow, still sulking? You’re really giving us green witches a bad name.”

“You are not a green witch.” Rio was muttering but Sharon just extended a glass of lemonade out to her.

“Cheer up, I’m sure she’ll unban you in a century or two!”

“Unban Rio?! Who banned her? From where?”

Sharon opened her mouth to reply, but Wanda, practically dancing into the room to place a basket of rather delicious looking rolls onto the table before the boys, spoke first:

“A little predinner nourishment; Agatha made some delicious buns!”

“Oh, so you can call her buns delicious, but when I do it, I’m ‘distracting?!’” Rio grumbled, taking a piece of bread nevertheless.

“Wait… What happened?!” Billy asked, waving his hand in front of a roll to cool it down.

“Bro, don’t ask!” Tommy groaned, taking a large bite and immediately whimpering at the excess heat that hit his tongue, his mouth opening with the slough of bread still in it as he desperately tried to release the excess heat to no avail.

“I was being sweet. Adorable. Complimentary. The perfect wife!” Rio said.

Billy raised an eyebrow, turned to Sharon.

“Well you know how Agatha gets when she’s working on a new recipe….”

“Very uptight…” Tommy nodded, having been on the other side of too many hexes when he only meant to tease his former babysitter by grabbing a morsel of her preparation. He shuddered remembering the time she’d cursed him to walk at normal speed for an entire day.

“I was just admiring her presence! Her poise. Her form! She’s glowing!” Rio spoke like she was trying to explain a very poorly rendered decision.

Wanda looked at her, bemused.

“I believe your exact words were: “Are you the sixth mother sauce, because you’re looking thick and juicy!”” Wanda barely concealed the smirk as Rio threw her a particularly heated glare.

“Gross!” Billy and Tommy said in unison.

“She was wearing those sweatpants!” Rio replied defensively.

“Even then she probably would’ve been alright if you hadn’t gone for ass smack…. Or the boob grab.” Sharon politely reminded.

“I’ve heard way too much….” Billy sighed.

“But you did so…. Banned from the kitchen for the next ten Esbats.” Wanda sat down next to Rio, patted her knee as Rio groaned and sunk deeper into the couch, reflecting on her own folly.

“What’s an Esbat again?” Tommy whispered.

“Full moon celebrations! Brush up on your witch lore!” Sharon chided as Rio groaned even deeper.

“I didn’t know she would react like that!” Rio said, cheeks burning.

“Like what?” Tommy asked.

“There was some leakage…” Wanda explained. Tommy still looked confused so Billy leaned in and whispered in his ear.

“Ew!”

“It’s perfectly natural, many parents at least try and breastfeed and the body needs to prepare in the months leading up to birth. You know you two were—”

“MOM! I’m begging you not to finish that sentence! ” Tommy actually got on hands and knees.

“Or that thought!” Billy hissed.

Wanda had the decency to blush as she studiously focused her mind elsewhere. Like the prior events and what happened after Agatha had glowered at her wife back in the kitchen after Rio’s abrupt and less than graceful attempt at seduction. Billy saw the scene play out in her minds eye.

Agatha standing at the counter top, grating Parmesan into a simmering creamy white liquid. To the side a bowl of Rio slinking up behind her like a panther, oblivious to Wanda’s inquisitive look. Rio’s hands wrapped around Agatha, one gently caressing her backside, the other tracing up from the barely noticeable bulge in her middle to her chest.

“Mmhmm…. Smells mothery in here…”

Agatha gasped, her mouth flying open in surprise. A yellow wad of gum popped out of her mouth.

Billy tore himself from the memory, just was Wanda was adding:

“Plus, she lost her antinausea gum. Honestly she’s been very restrained; I probably would’ve banned you for the next ten millennia,” Wanda offered Rio a throw pillow, meant for her to squeeze, but Rio grabbed it and buried her face into the plush softness, releasing a muffled scream.

“Where did Tommy go?!” Sharon’s head swiveled around the room.

Wanda opened her mouth to answer but a blur and a rush of wind announced Tommy’s return.

He was holding a small bowl with a spoonful of noodles.

“Did you really sneak another bite! You know she hates when you do that!” Billy glanced back towards the kitchen, wondering if Agatha managed to notice his brother speed in and out.

“What?! I’m not banned!” Tommy said smugly. He took a bite of the dish Agatha had been working on. Chewed a few times, his face relaxing as the flavors washed over him. “Mhmmm, aunt Agatha’s really got the chops—” He frowned. Continuing to chew for a few moments, confusion flooding his face.

He didn’t notice the shadow passing over him until he, too, felt a familiar cold shudder go down his spine.

“Tommy.” Agatha’s voice, low and deadly. Tommy froze, glancing between his mother, Billy and Rio and Sharon. Billy and Wanda were suddenly very interested in dissecting the abandoned chess game, Sharon was muttering a witch’s prayer, and Rio was leaning forward in anticipation.

Tommy turned slowly to face her, forcing a nervous smile.

“Er, I was just saying that dish is really delish, but maybe a little… chewy?!”

“You have something of mine.” Agatha said.

Agatha extended a hand, palm open.

Tommy glanced down at it in confusion, then felt a jerk of Purple and his body reacted on its own, according to the whims of Agatha’s magic. He spit out the piece of the dish he hadn’t been able to fully chew: a thick wad of ginger gum.

“Was that…?”

“Wait until dinner, or next time you take my antinausea gum… I’m giving you the nausea with it!”

And with that, Agatha popped the gum back into her mouth and stalked back into the kitchen.

“….She’s scary.” Tommy whispered.

Rio nodded, looking as though she were about to wipe a tear from her brown eyes.

“Isn’t she just great?!”

From that day on, Billy and Tommy also got a chill when a certain other witch entered a room.

Chapter Text

“Heel!….Roll over!…Speak!” Agatha’s voice echoed through the manor’s halls.

The manor . That was still odd to Lilia. But who was she to question the needs of a avatar of Death. If Rio Vidal insisted the Coven convene at a (haunted) lakeside high up in the (haunted) hills of Transia with only the occasional sojourn to the (okay, admittedly adorable) little cottage nestled at its foothills, then she wasn’t about to argue.

But Agatha’s increasingly frustrated commands were another matter entirely.

Lilia strode into the impressive foyer, bigger than the living area of most other homes, already shaking her head, not needing to divine what she knew she’d see upon entering:

Agatha, pointing a pale finger in the direction of one of her partners, Alice Wu-Gulliver. A very exasperated Alice Wu-Gulliver.

“She’s not a dog, Agatha!” Lilia moved to stand between them, glowering at Agatha as she spread her arms behind her as though to shield Alice from the very sight of the other witch.

“So says you!”

“So says anyone that understands biology!”

“Why are you letting her talk to you like this, Al?!” Lilia asked, turning and tilting her head. Alice sighed and motioned to her mouth. Lilia frowned, wondering what the motion meant when it hit her.

“...Did you Purple her?!”

“Don’t use ‘Purple’ as a verb, you’re not Gen Z enough for that. And I didn’t mean to, I was just thinking about how Rio calls her my guard dog and….” She trailed off, waving her hands vaguely in Alice’s direction.

A low growl escaped Alice’s lips.

“Down girl!” Agatha said in an even commanding tone.

Lilia reached for her own wrist, pulling off her heaviest bangle and launching at the woman standing across the room.

Agatha yelped and ducked.

“Hey! Don’t throw things at the pregnant lady!”

“Fix her!”

“You sure you want me to do that? What if you guys want more kids after I pop this one out?”

“Agatha I swear to—”

“Oh relax! I’m pretty sure she’ll be back to multiple syllables if she just…. Follows a command. Which is why I’ve been trying to get her to do something!”

Lilia frowned and turned back to Alice.

“….Is that true?”

Alice made a whistling whine which Lilia took as a yes. She sighed, her hazel eyes softening as she realized how stubborn both Alice and Agatha were. Must be something to do with having a name beginning with ‘A’.

Lilia’s hands came to the side of Alice’s face, tilting her so that Alice was glancing down the three inch or so height difference between them, directly into her eyes. Her face slid forward until their noses briefly touched. Alice closed her eyes, inhaling the soft scent of her lover. Lilac and sage.

Agatha watched from behind them, shuffling her feet slightly as she slid hands beneath her swollen tummy. Lilia could imagine it must have felt a bit awkward for Agatha, but in the moment didn’t particularly care.

“Baby… I know she’s an absolute pain in the ass,” Lilia threw a dirty glance back towards Agatha, “But I do not want to test the truth of that saying about laying down with dogs and waking up with fleas, so please just…” She threw a softer glance back towards Agatha.

Agatha raised an eyebrow, then mouthed an ‘Oh’. She straightened, placed her hands triumphantly on her hips, cleared her throat, and then said in a velvety smooth vocalization:

“Sit!”

The growl was building in Alice’s throat as the youngest witch among them glanced behind Lilia to Agatha, but she felt the gently pressure of Lilia’s hands on her shoulder and sighed. Lilia slowly guided her to the ground, where Alice settled into a cross legged posture on the cool tile.

A whisper of energy flowed through the air and Alice released a gasp, then an only slightly more human growl.

“Good girl!” Agatha smirked.

She dodged the combo of items thrown by both witches— another bangle from Lilia and Alice’s shoe.

As it turned out, the dodge wasn’t the best idea.

“OW! Shit!” Agatha wobbled for a moment, and then her legs collapsed.

Alice moved fast enough to give Tommy a run for his money, grasping Agatha round the waist.

“You okay?”

Lilia had never been so happy to hear her partner’s gruff voice before. She hurried over to stand at Agatha’s other side, both women helping her stumbled to an ornate chaise to the side of the entryway.

“Jen said round ligament pain might flare up again…” Alice murmured, gently rubbing at Agatha’s lower back. Agatha inhaled a sharp breath, eyes squeezed shut but seemed to be recovering under Alice’s soothing massage. Lilia’s fingers brushed through Alice’s hair as she smiled at her partner.

Always so protecting. It was one of the things Lilia loved about Alice. Alice threw her that soft smile of hers before returning her focus to Agatha. Her other hand reached out to press against Agatha’s stomach.

“Give her a break for a minute, okay?” Alice whispered.

“They never listen to me, why would they listen to you?!” Agatha scoffed, but didn’t make a move to remove Alice’s hand.

“I’m nicer. But if they won’t listen then you’ll have to. Now, Harkness… Sit.” Alice smirked.

Agatha was glowering and clearly coming up with the proper way to string together all of the expletives she wanted to launch at Alice when another sound boomed through the room.

“WOOF!”

A shiver went down Lilia’s spine. A chill that she could swear started in her heart. She glanced to Alice, wondering if she’d somehow returned to being spelled into a dog’s life, but Alice had a similarly panicked expression on her face. They both turned to the sound and both their eyes widened in shock and horror at what they saw.

An enormous dog that looked like a doberman and a wolf were smashed together by some demonic spell was padding across the entryway. Its fur was a dark bloodred, individual hair seemed to shimmer as though they were blades. But the truly terrifying thing were the red-orange embers buried in its eyesockets. Wanda and Rio stood behind it in the entryway, waving as they stepped inside, removing jackets and assessing the other witches.

“You found him!” Agatha squealed with uncharacteristic childlike delight, still held upright by Lilia and Alice. Alice felt Agatha twitch in their arms, but held fast, preventing her from rushing to the dog. Agatha twisted her head in confusion at first, then a sharp glare, but Alice just motioned back to the seat.

“I said… Sit.” Alice smirked.

Agatha rolled her eyes.

Rio crossed the room, wiggling fingers in her wake, which the dog apparently took as instruction because it trotted after her not a foot behind.

“What happened? I thought you were guarding her!” Rio asked. Her tone was even but it still sent a chill down Alice’s spine. Whatever trust that Rio had placed in her would most certainly be extinguished, along with, Alice suspected, her own life if her answer wasn’t to Rio’s satisfaction.

Wanda placed a hand on Rio’s shoulder. Down dog . Rio glanced to her, expression softening just a bit.

“Relax, it’s just my ligaments.” Agatha deadpanned. Rio looked to her confused, but she didn’t elaborate, instead motioning to the dog.

“Hey Charlie! Here boy!” Agatha said in a baby voice. If you asked Lilia, it was honestly quite disturbing to hear.

“I’m sorry, but what the hell is that?!”

Charlie seemed to notice Agatha for the first time and a flaming tongue suddenly slid from his mouth. Hanging low while a sleek almost metallic tail began to wave vigorously behind him. He rushed towards Agatha, panting with excitement. Agatha opened her arms wide, and the dog collided into them, part of its large body settling onto Alice who grunted and tried to adjust her position as Agatha replied to Lilia’s question.

“His name’s Charlie, and he’s my precious little baby!”

“He’s a little bit bigger than I imagined when you said you had a Hel-Hound!” Wanda mused as she too crossed the room.

“What happened to your ligaments, babe? Do I need to remove someone else’s for what they did to them?!”

“Babies happened to my ligaments.”

“Jen says it’s a pretty common symptom for the first and second trimester. Weren’t you listening at the last checkup?”

“I’m sorry, but are we really going to ignore the baby Cerberus in the doorway?!” Lilia asked.

“He was a gift. Agatha is very fond of him.” Rio said as though that explained everything. She walked over and sat down on the other side of Agatha, reaching to pat Charlie on his long snout as he licked Agatha’s hand. Lilia blinked as she saw the flaming tongue pass harmlessly over Agatha’s pale flesh, then shook her head with a sigh.

“Right. Because of course Agatha gets along perfectly well with a demon dog. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

“So Alice took care of you?” Rio asked, eyes boring into Alice’s. Alice returned her stare. Lady Death would never admit it, but she felt a begrudging respect as the Protection Witch stared her down.

“Second best guard dog I’ve ever had!”

Alice blinked, turning to Agatha who was too enthralled with Charlie to notice her Alice looking at her.

“Good. Then it’s settled. If Wanda and I aren’t around, you look after Agatha.”

“I was already planning on it….”

But Rio didn’t seem to hear her, she was already wiggling closer to Agatha, brushing silver streaked brown hair behind Agatha’s ear and kissing her on the side of the mouth.

“Take it easy from now on, eh mi amor? I don’t want to hear about you rounding your ligaments anymore, okay?”

“You really don’t pay attention when Jen’s talking do you?” Lilia laughed and settled on Alice’s other side. She tilted her head curiously as she looked at Charlie, tongue still lapping furiously at Agatha’s hand. “So, what exactly does a Hel-Hound eat?!”

“Well, hopefully not witches…” Alice murmured. She extended a hand. Lilia, Agatha and Rio all startled.

“AL! He doesn’t—” Agatha began, genuinely panicked. But when Alice’s hand gently pressed against Charlie’s snout he merely twisted it around, sniffing lightly for a few breaths before gently nodding, tilting his head down for Alice to pat him on it.

“...He never likes anyone but Agatha….” Rio seemed genuinely surprised.

Alice just smiled.

“Well… We’re from the same pack.”

“….You mean you’re both bitches?” Rio said, earning her an elbow from Agatha.

Agatha and Alice were continuing to pet their adoring cursed canine when Wanda’s footsteps announced she had returned to the room.

“Okay Charlie! Let’s get you some delicious dog food! I hope you like it, because we can’t afford to feed you human souls!” Wanda said in a forcefully chipper tone, carrying a large pet food bowl towards the couch where the quartet of witches sat.

Charlie jerked his head to the bowl and gave a hearty bark before hopping off and dashing over. Agatha was pressing a hand to her chest, enamored with how adorable the canine was when she felt the weight of Alice leave her side. There was a hurried scuffle as Alice leaped from the couch to the floor and then… .

Rio gasped.

Lilia’s mouth fell open in horror

Wanda gave a surprised “OH”.

As Alice Wu landed on her hands and knees right next to Charlie and nearly bashed the dog’s head in trying to duck beneath it to get to the bowl full of kibble. Charlie growled and snarled, but seemed to decide there was enough for both of them as he slid his face to the side to allow Alice to grasp a few morsels.

Lilia twisted her head accusingly to Agatha.

Agatha had the good sense to at least feign embarrassment as she placed her hand over her mouth in an ‘oops’ gesture.

“….She really is a good girl!”

Chapter Text

Agatha preferred not to awaken with the sheets awash in crimson.

Especially not now. Her hand had flown reflexively to her lower abdomen, not yet showing signs of the life brewing within, before she processed the blood wasn’t hers.

A grunt from her left side. Flecks of scarlet nearly dark enough to be mistaken for black splattering across the sheets as Wanda scratched frantically at her chest, eyes squeezed shut, muttering unintelligibly in the throes of some nightmare Agatha couldn’t see.

“NO! I don’t want it anymore!” Wanda gasped as fingers stained black from Darkhold (Agatha’s Darkhold drafted by the Purple Witch herself, its destruction not obviating the scars of its use. How was it that Agatha was so good at scarring those witches that found their way into her bed?)

“She’s been like that for the last eighty minutes.” Rio was on her right, eyes flicking to Wanda briefly, but sliding over Agatha, settling their gaze upon the hand that Agatha had over her stomach.

“And you just left her to claw her heart out?!”

“There are worse ways to die."

Agatha stared at her for a moment in disbelief, then shook her head, exasperated, and grasped Wanda’s forearms.

“WANDA! MAXIMOFF, WAKE… UP!”

Rio must have felt the danger before Agatha. She suddenly grasped Agatha round the waist and hauled her back, pressing her flat against the bed and draping her own body over Agatha’s, laying flat atop her like the seal of a sarcophagus. Agatha only had time to gasp before she felt the pulse of Chaos explode through the room.

One of Rio’s eyes turned to glass. Tendrils of her hair swirled to life as black scaly seasnakes. A creak of skin and bone reverberated through the bedroom as a leathery wing tore through the flesh of her back and began to make its way out into the world.

The cascade of possible and impossible twisted by the spark of the Scarlet Witch rolling through Rio’s deathless body.

Rio shuddered, grunted, and then bizarre alterations shattered in sparks of red and green as her own magic killed any possibility she wasn't fond of. Which was any that altered her form from that which Agatha had fallen in love with.

“...That was gross.”

“But you’d still love me even if I were an eldritch abomination, right?”

Agatha snorted, pulling pale fingers up to tangle in Rio’s hair, blessedly returned to normal.

“…You should get off of me.”

Rio shifted slightly, lips twisting into that smirk as she angled her knee between Agatha’s legs. Her mouth lowered to press against Agatha’s neck for the lightest kiss, drawing a gasp from Agatha’s lips, before she pulled back to whisper into the shell of her ear:

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I’m going to stab you with your own knife!”

“Kinky!”

“...Vision?!” Wanda croaked from the other side of them, voice small and confused.

Agatha’s hand curled around Rio’s arm, squeezing gently. Rio sighed and hefted herself from Agatha, who quickly slid over and pulled herself into a sitting position next to Wanda.

“No, another lifeless being that likes the color green, unfortunately. How ya doin hon?”

Wanda turned to Agatha and blinked rapidly. She glanced behind her, to Rio who was now standing and straightening her shirt. Her mind seemed to be catching up to her as she slowly sat up, pulling her hands to her chest.

The loose tank she had fallen asleep in was nearly torn open. Claw marks marred the flesh above her breasts, red and swelling, blood caked beneath the fingernails that had scratched at her own flesh. Nausea twisted in Wanda’s stomach as she glanced down at the concentration of scratches over her left side.

Over her heart.

Agatha kept her face neutral by sheer force of will. But Wanda took a single glance at her blue eyes and seemed to dislike what she saw. A flicker of her black fingers conjured a short robe, which she threw around herself and tied off.

“….I was having a bad dream.”

“I know.” Agatha’s hand found Wanda’s arm. Squeezing gently. Reassuringly.

“...There was a girl…. Who could traverse the multiverse…. I… Wanted her power.”

“Been there,” Agatha said with a crooked smirk.

If Wanda picked up on the reference to how she’d met the woman, she didn’t show it, instead shaking her head as the memory of the dream flowed through her.

“I… Took it. I won but… It didn’t feel like winning.”

Been there too.

“Well it was just a dream. Why don’t I make you some tea and see if we can ward off the nightmares? It’s either that or you sleep on the couch—I need my beauty rest.”

Wanda finally met Agatha’s eyes, forcing a smile despite feeling no bit of mirth.

“Maybe throw a binding agent in the teabag? My eye’s still a little fuzzy,” Rio said.

Wanda blinked, turning to look at Rio curiously. Agatha was shaking her head and giving Rio a chiding look, but Rio ignored it, stalking to the side of the bed Wanda was sat on and looking sternly down at her.

“You’re too potent to be snoozing. You could have turned Agatha into a puppet.”

Wanda startled and looked to Agatha, seeking assurance her power hadn’t gotten beyond her control in her sleep. Agatha threw her hands up in a halfhearted shrug.

“Hey, it happens to the best of us, toots!”

“Oh my God…” Wanda’s eyes followed Rio’s path from earlier, from Agatha’s eyes to her stomach. Agatha saw the wave of panic, tried to head it off:

“We’re fine—”

But Wanda pushed off from the bed and dashed from the room.

Agatha’s shoulders sank as she sighed. Her eyes turned to give Rio the kind of stern look Rio had given Wanda.

“What?! I didn’t try to butterfly effect you!”

Agatha rolled her eyes and dashed after the Scarlet Witch.

“You have to go to sleep eventually, you know.” Agatha slid the third cup of tea in as many hours to Wanda. Her own eyes were worn and tired by now.

“I could probably change my brain not to need sleep, actually.”

“Or you could give yourself Fatal Familial Insomnia.”

“…What’s that?”

“Really? It’s in the name.” Rio scoffed.

“Well, without the ‘familial’ part if you Chaos magick it into existence.” Agatha remarked as she reached over and dropped a sugar cube in Wanda’s tea.

“...I don’t take sugar.”

“I know. That and you being all eastern European is why you’re always so cranky. Try it.”

Wanda glanced to Rio.

“How have you put up with her for centuries?!”

“I try to keep her mouth occupied, mostly.”

Agatha threw a sugar cube at Rio. Rio caught it in her mouth midair, and squeezed her lips shut, letting it dissolve on her tongue.

“I’m serious. Sleep. It’ll reduce the chances of an… Episode.”

“Or it could mean I kill a little girl a universe away.” Wanda replied, her voice quiet as she curved her hands around the mug of tea.

“….You’ve got the boys. You have no reason to—”

“Yes! Sometimes it feels like I have no reason. No ability to control the Chaos… And if dreams are…” Wanda trailed off, knowing now what it meant to dream.

“Windows into other realities. Not doorways. Not unless you use the Darkhold, and that’s gone.” Agatha replied, for once not badgering Wanda about how the book was gone. She leaned across the table, hand stretching out as though to clasp Wanda’s, but not quite bridging the divide.

She’ll carry the Scarlet Witch’s baby, sure, but she wasn’t about to dote on her like some lovesick puppy.

“...What’s it like?” Rio had never sounded so quiet to Wanda’s ears. Or Agatha’s.

Agatha reared around, brows furrowed as she looked at her oldest love.

“Dreaming?” Rio finished, somehow voice even more quiet and hesitant.

“…You don’t dream?!”

“She doesn't even sleep!” Agatha sounded absolutely scandalized as she continued to stare at Rio. “What in the Goddess’ name do you want to know about dreams for?!”

“I don’t know. I’m curious.” a bit of blush crept into Rio’s cheeks and she folded her arms, looking anywhere but at Agatha.

“Would you even be able? If dreams are other universes… Aren’t you one of a kind like America?”

“Not exactly. There are other avatars of the Green and Sacred Cycle. Beings that stand as omens and Black Swans. Beings that Grieve at the End. Even other Deaths. Anywhere there is life and its inevitable end. Well, Karkinos’ universe is missing the actual end, but they’re pretty weird….”

“Wow… I’ve never seen her ramble nervously before.” Wanda looked bemused at Rio finding the way that Death blushed at her own inquiry to be quite adorable.

“Oh you should see her at a singles event. Truth be told she’s lucky I put up with her because she’s got absolutely no game!”

When Rio had acquired the sugar cubes was anyone’s guess, but somehow she’d gotten a hold of the whole container and now chucked them all at Agatha, who cackled breezily as Purple magic diverted the dozen cubes into Wanda’s tea. Wanda sighed, then turned to Rio quiet concentration in her eyes.

“It’s chaos….” Wanda said quietly, and Rio didn’t need to ask to know she had returned to the topic of what dreams were like. She found herself holding breath she didn’t need to take as she listened to Wanda.

“...And magic… And beauty…. Dreams are all so perfectly… Unperfect. A reflection of all that you could ever want or hope for, but twisted by all the darkness in you.”

“…That might be a more apt description for a nightmare, Wanda.”

Fleeting faces passed through Wanda’s mind. Her parents. Her brother. Her Vision.

“My dreams always end up as nightmares.” Wanda finished.

Agatha’s hand did find Wanda’s, then. So quickly it was almost startling. But when Wanda looked up Agatha only gave her a half glance, expression as neutral as ever, before turning to look at Rio.

“It’s better if you think about how you want to do it. TO control it.”

“That’s a thing?” Rio tilted her head curiously.

“Lucid dreaming. Yes, its a very good thing. Especially for a witch. If you do it well enough you can revisit places and events. Think things through. Maybe even see…. People you wouldn’t see again otherwise.”

Agatha’s other hand had floated back to her belly. Rio looked away.

“….Can you teach me?” Wanda whispered so desperately it sent a jolt of pain through Agatha (and, though she would scarcely admit it) Rio.

“...Come here.” Agatha held a hand aloft, wiggling fingers towards Rio. Rio pulled away from the wall against which she’d been leaning, and approached like a wary animal. She sat at a third seat at the table. Agatha took Rio’s hand, her other still holding Wanda’s.

“Close your eyes.”

She glanced from Rio to Wanda and back again. Following the command with a simultaneous squeeze of their hands, still clasped in Agatha’s own. Rio and Wanda glanced at one another, then complied, Wanda with a release of tension and Rio with an anxious inhale.

“Breathe in…. And out….”

A slow, deep inhale followed by an ever more languid and calming exhale.

“Let your mind drift. Don’t think. Don’t wonder. Just… Drift….”

Agatha was exhausted. It was evident from her face, bags heavy under her eyes, a fractious incomprehensible tune humming through her lips as she twirled around in the kitchen. A tiny child wailing against her shoulder.

“C’mon baby, go to sleep…!” Agatha muttered, voice strained and tense.

A hand pressed to her back.

“Shhh! We’ve got it from her, mi amor!”

Agatha twisted her head back and into Rio’s lips. The child was lifted from her shoulders and she glanced to Wanda on her other side, green eyes giving Agatha a wink as the baby was readjusted into Wanda’s own outstretched arms.

“She’s fed… And I’m tired.” Agatha muttered, head falling into Rio’s shoulder. Rio gently stroked through brown strands, a finger curling past the streak of white in Agatha’s locks.

“You’re beautiful. And she’s perfect!”

THUNK!

Rio’s brown eyes shot open. She bolted to a standing position and glanced towards the noise. She relaxed as she saw Wanda, forehead pressed to the table, snoring lightly.

“Did she just….?!”

“Fall asleep instantly and bang her head on the table?! Yep. That’ll definitely leave a mark.” Agatha reached behind herself and pulled a dish towel from the countertop, folding it slightly and then reaching forward and pulling up Wanda’s face by her hair.

With her mouth hanging open mid snore, forehead reddening from its impact against the table, it wasn’t the prettiest sight.

Agatha chuckled and tucked the towel beneath Wanda’s head and angled her neck so that she wasn’t laying face first into it, ending the maneuver with a gentle pat on Wanda’s red head and then turning to Rio.

“Sooooooooo…. Whaddya see?!”

Rio’s fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt as her mind played over the… Dream, yes that’s what it had been.

Her first dream.

“I saw… chaos...magic… and beauty….” She conjured the images in her mind again as she turned to gaze into the dazzling blue eyes of her love. “It was all so perfectly unperfect. Everything I could have hoped for or wanted.”

“….And….?” Agatha asked. Waiting to see Rio’s face fall. Waiting for her to confirm that Agatha had guided her into the darkness of nightmares, because that was the only path Agatha Harkness seemed to know.

“And….” Rio sat down next to her, hand finding the streak of white in Agatha’s hair, removing it from the front of Agatha’s face to gaze into the blue of her eyes. “Light.”

And Rio Vidal leaned forward and kissed the woman of her dreams.

Chapter Text

Billy was perched outside Wanda’s house in the New Jersey suburbs, scrolling his phone aimlessly while waiting for Tommy to bolt into the vehicle unannounced as he always did. Since tracking Tommy down and bringing him into the fold of the coven his brother had taken to the life of an ‘ordinary’ teenager quite well. Better than Billy, himself if he was being honest. He clicked with everyone, fit into every clique with a breezy nonchalance that doubled as casual cool and mysterious aloofness. And of course he excelled at every sport under the sun. He was even an ace on the chess club by virtue of running through three hundred permutations of each game in the blink of an eye.

The one thing Billy still had over him was the car. Tommy would perch in the front seat and strike a pose in their high school’s parking lot, letting everyone think he was the kind barely older twin brother that would let his brother drive their shared vehicle. Rather than Tommy simply not having a license.

His brother didn’t have the patience for a road test.

Billy was patting the hood and beaming at his precious Subaru when the front door opened. He looked up expecting to see Tommy, but instead he saw Agatha, hurrying across the grounds.

The juxtaposition between his brother—lithe and quick as a whisper—and Agatha, now so pregnant he wasn’t sure how she didn’t tip forward, was almost comical.

He made sure to keep a straight face as she waddled to the passenger side, out of breath despite having traveled no more than 12 feet. He rolled down the window and she leaned in past over it.

“Kale!” She gasped, tugging at the door lock.

Jen ?! Agatha hated Jen! If she was talking about going to see her then it could only mean….

“Oh my god! Is it time?! No, it’s too early, right?! Don’t you have like 10 weeks?! Nevermind, get in!” Billy reached across and tugged the door handle. Agatha quickly pulled herself into the vehicle.

He’d raced off too quickly to notice she had apparently brought some sort of chocolate treat with her. She began chomping on the animal shaped candies and the distinct scent of chocolate and caramel filled the vehicle.

Billy didn’t dwell on it any longer and kicked the vehicle into high gear, racing down the highway towards Jen’s obstetrics facility. He was just considering using his magic to turn the vehicle into a police car when Agatha threw one of the wrappers for her candy at him.

“Jesus! Are you trying to kill us, speed racer?!”

“I don’t know how long we have before--!” Billy took one hand from the steering wheel and motioned to Agatha’s bulging stomach. Agatha frowned as she followed his line of sight, arching an eyebrow.

Billy pulled his attention back to the road, and was glad to realize he’d made it nearly there. Thank the Goddess Jen had the foresight to set up shop near the house.

“What the hell are we doing here?!” Agatha yelped as she saw where the vehicle had lurched to a stop.

“What do you mean?! You said to bring you here!”

“What?! No, I said kale. Preferably with a it of mustard so I can add them to my chocolate caramel doves! Why the fuck would I want to share that with Jen?!”

“First: disgusting, and second: why didn’t you say that’s what you wanted instead of just screaming ‘Kale’ like you were crowning?!”

Agatha huffed and rolled her eyes.

“Well so much for context clues.”

“What context clues?!”

“That I hate her, and she hates me and—”

Agatha’ s voice was reaching fever pitch and her face reddening when a groan from the backseat cut her off and made both Billy and her jump.

“Waaaaaaayyyyyy too loud, Aunt Agnes…” Tommy groaned, his fingers spread across his face to block out the midday sun.

“When did you--?!”

“Ducked out when auntie was yelling about how mom was ‘hovering’ too much and Rio smelled like balls.”

“Nuts. I said she smelled like nuts. Pine nuts. And saffron. And too many other herbs for my pregnancy nose to deal with when I’m this freaking hungry for,” Agatha twisted her head from Tommy to Billy, her face contorted in a dirty look, “kale! You know, the delicious crunchy vegetable?! Not the annoying Dr. Quinn wannabe?!”

“Mom’s got you marathoning the oldies again, huh?” Tommy smiled fondly at the memories of watching old sitcoms and TV shows with Wanda, Vision and who he then thought of as his sweet kind aunt Agnes. How quickly times changed.

“Why do you look like Rio killed you and then dragged you back from the other side?” Agatha frowned as she looked Tommy up and down, her hand absentmindedly pressing against her stomach.

“….There’s a party and if I want any kind of buzz to fit in I need to do a little… pregaming.”

“How much pregaming?!” Billy paled.

Tommy looked guiltily between Billy and Agatha, his eyes slightly unfocused. Billy also noticed he could smell the alcohol coming off his brother’s breath now that Agatha’s snacks had been snapped shut.

“Let’s just say…. You may not have anymore wine in the house!”

“You little—!” Agatha jerked around in her seat, clearly planning an assault, but she froze abruptly and her other hand came to her swollen belly. She glanced out the window hesitantly.

To Jen’s office.

“….Let’s go find me my kale, shall we?!”

“W’zzat look?!” Tommy slurred out between sips of a bottle of Fireball Whiskey.

“Where did you get that?!” Billy yelped, exasperated. Tommy shrugged and he didn’t wait for a better answer before turning to Agatha. “And what was that look for?!”

“What look?!” Agatha said in a way that was clearly meant to be innocent but Billy had known her for long enough, which is to say longer than one single minute, and realized there was no such thing as innocent when it came to Agatha Harkness.

“Agatha, don’t make me read your mind!” Billy warned.

Agatha bit her lower lip—one of the apparent drawbacks to gestating life was a lack of control over her mental shielding and magical abilities. The more pregnant she got the more her thoughts seemed to slip out.

Billy was actually bluffing and wouldn’t have actually searched her thoughts, but as luck would have it he didn’t need to:

Gottapeegottapeegottapeerealbad. Her mind practically screamed at him.

“….Do you need to pee?”

“Ugh it’s these stupid brats!” Agatha pulled back and motioned to her stomach. “Let’s go! Channel your inner speed racer again and get me to a Whole Foods or something so I can take a leak!”

“Jen has a bathroom, you can go in there!”

Agatha leaned towards him, her hips wiggling slightly with the clearest indication yet that she had a bladder in desperate need of relief.

“Kid, I need you to hear me when I say this,” Agatha placed a hand on his shoulder, locking her blue irises onto his gray toned ones, “I would rather light myself on fire from the inside out than go into that building!”

“Remember when you called me dramatic?!”

“Can we just go?!”

“Yes, you can. In Jen’s office! Wait… were you really planning on me racing off somewhere else if I didn’t threaten to read your mind or...” Billy narrowed his own eyes now. “Agatha… Were you planning on peeing in my car?!”

“Girls gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”

Billy stared in disbelief.

Tommy began laughing a loud, clearly drunk laugh.

“You’re already gonna get in trouble with one mom for letting your brother get more hammered than the Hulk when he tries to smash Thor. You really want me to ruin your upholstery and get you into trouble with the second set of ‘rents?”

Tommy found this too hysterical for his own good, and the laughter caught in his throat…. A split second before he vomited all over the back seat.

“...Oh, gross….” Agatha paled, still twitching her hips but now looking like she was about to gag.

“No! Don’t even think about it! Jen’s now!” Billy commanded as he reached across Agatha into the glove compartment for paper towels stored there.

“...I mean, you’re car’s already ruined, why not add one teensy tiny little mess…?”

Billy was realizing he had severely underestimated how poorly Jen and Agatha got along that Agatha was literally willing to soil herself rather than face the woman, but didn’t particularly care in that moment to indulge her, he simply pointed out the window towards the detached ranch style building where Jen maintained a homey midwifery office.

“Go pee!” He growled.

Agatha flailed her arms in frustration. Pouted. Then sighed and tugged the door handle, gingerly maneuvering out of the car then slamming the door shut, flipping both her middle fingers up to him and sticking out her tongue before turning on her heel, sliding her hands beneath her bump for support and making as mad a dash as a heavily pregnant witch can towards Jen’s office.

“Breathe in…. Breathe out….” Jennifer Kale’s voice was low and slow. The kind of gentle intonation that could lull one to sleep if they weren’t careful.

She sat in the center of a large room, hardwood flooring running the length of it. In a home it would likely be a living room, but set up as it was for the midwifery—with various life size figures capturing the anatomical realities of birthing and pregnancy, bookshelves on preparing for conception, pregnancy and taking care of children in the immediate months following birth—it was clearly some type of prenatal activity chamber. Jen sat cross legged in the center of a circle with a total of six other individuals, partnered up with half of the individuals as swollen with life as any of the depictions Jen’s figurines captured, and the other half sat directly behind their pregnant partners, guiding their breathing secondary to Jen’s instruction and rubbing their lower backs.

“Feel that tightness deep in your belly… Then exhale. Let it relax. And again…”

Jen found the task of quietly guiding the mothers to be relaxing for herself as well. Sometimes she lost herself in the quietude.

Nothing from the outside world could reach her here… There were no seven scorned monster witches. No pathetic patriarchal sophists who insisted on calling themselves doctors despite not even having the guts to try and bind her magic themselves. No mysterious wish granting roads that lead to Death. And most importantly of all: No Agatha Harkness.

She heard the toilet flush but didn’t think much of it. Pregnant people needed the bathroom often enough that it wasn’t unusual for one of her patients to leave the session for a break to the loo.

But then she heard the obnoxiously loud exhale of relief.

And she somehow felt the undercurrent of magic filled with an abrasive annoying quality.

“Whew! Almost didn’t make it! You could use some hand towels for hand drying in there though—had to grab this scarf to dry my hands. By the way, it is not your color, dear!”

Agatha smirked as she crossed into the practice birth prep room, extending a baby blue scarf held between two fingers towards Jen and then dropping it as though it were some unsavory insect.

“Agatha?!”

“Why Jennifer! Fancy meeting you here!” Agatha cast her gaze around the room, frowning in confusion, her hands absentmindedly sliding beneath her shirt and circling across the pale stretched skin of her pregnant belly. “What kind of cult is this?!”

“It’s not a cult, it’s lamaze!” Jen hissed, standing up and dashing over to Agatha, throwing a half glance around the circle of confused patrons. She tried to give them a smile that said reassuring, but was fairly sure it came off as a cry for help.

“Oh! Lame ass! They still do that?! Thought that went out of style with Maximoff’s sitcoms.”

“It’s not lame, its a clinically proven preparation technique for helping parents prepare for birth! You should try it!” Jen tacked on the last part sarcastically, but in truth it would probably be good for Agatha. If only to get her to shut up for once.

“Pass. Where’s your car? I need to borrow it.”

“What?! No!”

“Umm, Miss Kale, are we still supposed to be breathing?!” A man’s confused voice rose from behind them.

“Yes, Roger! Just slow and controlled—”

“Don’t listen to her, Rog, breathing’s for losers!” Agatha yelled, framing her hands over her mouth to turn it into a microphone to project better.

Jen smacked her on the arm and Agatha yelped, rubbing the affected area and glowering at the taller woman.

“Hey! Are you hitting a pregnant lady?! That’s not the kind of service I would expect from ½ star rated Yelp Midwife Jennifer Kale!” Agatha said loudly.

Jen grabbed her around the arm, locking eyes in a way that suggested she was testing whether looks could, in fact, kill and Agatha decided that perhaps she would take her time with her next words, though a tiny mischievous smirk remained locked in her blue eyes.

“…. So, I actually forgot I have a special private session booked, I’m so sorry everyone, I need to attend to her—”

“Oh, she can join us!” A chipper blond woman suggested. Then, with a slightly darker intonation added: “Just so long as she’s not named Christine. You know only one per session!”

Agatha kept her lips sealed but smirked over at Jen as though to say ‘yes, why don’t I join?!’ ignoring the rest of the woman’s remark.

Jen’s eyes turned to saucers in panic, but she quickly readjusted her face with a deep calming breath.

The exercises really did work.

“No, Ms. Everhart! Agatha here has got medical grade flatulence—”

Agatha’s jaw dropped but Jen covered her mouth with her free hand before she could protest.

“—so it’s best I attend to her. Alone.”

The sextet had begun picking themselves up at the word ‘flatulence’ and no more than a minute and a half later Jen was closing the front door, leaning back against it and sighing eyes closed in relief.

“Ahem.”

Jen opened her eyes. Still one problem to deal with.

“Why are you here?!”

“Did I not mention? I need to borrow your car. Billy’s is filled with vomit.”

“...Do I want to know?”

“Probably not. So? Keys!”

Agatha extended a hand, tapping her foot impatiently. Jen shook her head and sighed. She pushed off from the door and traipsed across the room. She noticed Agatha looking her up and down with mild surprise, and realized this might be the first time Agatha had seen her wearing something as casual as jeans and a tank top. Jen could tell by Agatha’s maternity exercise gear that she had probably left a workout. As in avoided the actual work out and absconded to Jen’s business to hide.

“How have you been feeling?” Jen asked as she closed the distance, looking Agatha up and down with a more critical eye. Agatha squirmed like something was crawling over her skin.

“...Fine…”

“Any back pain? Rhinitis still acting up? What about the round ligaments? I assume Wanda’s still keeping up with the kick counts—twenty within the hour is ten per bab—”

“Ew! Stop! Do not midwife!” Agatha flailed her arms at Jen, but Jen ignored her and stood directly in front of Agatha, reaching out her hands to hover just above the bump. Brown eyes searched blue for objection. Agatha tilted her head almost imperceptibly.

“Well, go on. I knew you’d insist on feeling me up. Can’t get enough of me, huh? You’re lucky I never tell Alice about our little ‘appointments.’”

“I tell Alice about our appointments. And I’m just going to…” Jen’s voice trailed off as her hands pressed gently to either side of Agatha’s round bump. The reaction was immediate: a quiver of movement beneath Agatha’s stretched skin as one of the twins turned towards her touch. Agatha winced slightly and exhaled.

“Have any sugar lately?” Jen asked, voice neutral.

“...No…”

“You’re a shit liar.”

“Hey, you bought that whole thing about the Witch’s Road didn’t you?!”

“No, actually: I just didn’t want the Salem Seven to kill me. And didn’t want you to kill Alice or Lilia. Or Billy and Sharon, for that matter. ”

“Who was that last one?”

Jen shook her head, hand still working gently around Agatha’s stomach. She pressed slightly harder just to the left of Agatha’s navel, inducing another wince from Agatha. She nodded to herself, one hand still pressed to the spot, the other unfurling a stethoscope Agatha only just noticed was tied around Jen’s neck.

“Your little girl’s as annoying as you are.” Agatha murmured, eyes focused on the stethoscope as Jen slid the earpieces into her ears and nudged up Agatha’s shirt, pressing the scope to her stomach.

“Still not sure if that’s right…” Jen muttered.

“What? Your bound magic taking over my poor ovaries all those decades ago and popping out a mutant Kale egg, which was then infected by Alice’s love as soon as I absorbed her power during my trial? Or your demonic spawn being a girl?”

“All of the above. And you really only have yourself to blame—if you hadn’t bound me or absorbed Alice’s life force you’d be pleasantly unpregnant. But what makes you think the girl’s ours, anyway?”

“Wanda and Rio make boys. Sometimes I think just to spite me.” Agatha grumbled. “What are you listening for?”

“Tachypnea. Don’t worry, no sign of that. You’re fine. They’re healthy.”

“Too healthy.” Agatha snorted derisively, smacking her stomach with her free hand. “They’re getting too big. I can barely sleep without someone on my bladder, so I don’t sleep. I’m considering eviction.”

Jen chuckled and slid Agatha’s shirt back down. Her peripheral caught the lamaze setup. She heard Agatha’s voice fade into general complaints of aches and pains of pregnancy—the annoyance of waddling, her overpowering sense of smell and increasing tightness of her womb—and she considered. Maybe she had been right and Agatha could benefit from a session. As reluctant as Jen was to try and convince her of it. She sighed. Agatha was annoying, but also her patient. Sort of.

“….Why don’t we try lamaze?”

“...Because I’m not a 1980s sitcom mom?” Agatha deadpanned, cocking her head to the side as though Jen asked why they hadn’t considered eating the lint from the linen.

“It helps. The breathing soothes the muscles. Relaxes the uterus and reduces pain.”

“Suuure… Well, unfortunately I don’t have a partner so I guess we’ll just have to consider it a no go. Now about those keys?” Agatha twirled around on her heels and began surveying the room for Jen’s keys.

“….I’ll help you.” Jen barely managed to get the words out through gritted teeth.

Agatha paused. She turned back to the midwife, searching her face for… Something Jen couldn’t be sure of.

“Why not offer to call Rio?”

“...Or Wanda?” Jen asked.

“Or Wanda?” Agatha agreed after a beat.

Jen nodded as though that confirmed something, then pressed on.

“I figured if you wanted them here you’d call them up. But since you’re allergic to being vulnerable, you won’t. And you know I’m allergic to dealing with you but have a vested interest in keeping you healthy for these last few weeks so why not just partner up and get you feeling better and maybe just maybe you’ll be a little less cranky and annoying?”

Agatha stared at her for a long moment, hand having returned to rest against her swollen tummy, fingers absentmindedly tracing the subtle twitches of the twins inside.

“….How do we do this?”

Oh God we’re doing this.

Jen sighed and motioned to the pillow at the center of the room where she’d been sitting guiding the exercise.

Agatha strode over and looked down at it. She glanced up, intending to give Jen a ‘you can’t be serious’ look but Jen, ever the experienced midwife, was already behind her, gently pressing against her hips and sliding her body against Agatha’s back. Agatha felt blood rush to her cheeks.

“Hey! What are you—”

“Oh stop griping and let me help you sit!”

“This is payback for for putting Alice into the pound isn’t it?!”

“Next time don’t magic my wife into a puppy and I’ll let you sit on your own!” Jen teased.

With Jen’s help, Agatha made it to the pillow, awkwardly crossing her legs, the curve of her stomach resting at the intersection of her ankles. Jen nodded approvingly at the posture, then sat down behind her, unfurling her legs so Agatha sat between them. Agatha instinctively pulled her hands to her stomach, and Jen’s own hands came to grasp at them, her whole arms slid over Agatha’s.

“….Well this is…. Cozy.” Agatha mumbled and Jen felt a perverse pleasure in knowing the most evil witch she knew was as red as a tomato.

“We’re gonna breathe now, okay? You let in a deep breath through your mouth. Feel the air flow past your throat and deep into your belly. Let it expand—”

“I think my belly’s expanded enough!” Agatha whined but Jen gave a gentle squeeze to quiet her.

“Just breathe, Harkness!”

Agatha was muttering expletives under her breath for a moment longer before finally shaking her head and taking a huffy breath. She twisted, trying to look at Jen, but Jen had pressed against her so tightly that her head rested on Agatha’s shoulder and she couldn’t lock eyes with the other woman.

“That did not work!”

“You’re not taking it seriously. That whole ‘fear of vulnerability’ thing again.”

“I can be vulnerable!” Agatha huffed like it was a challenge. Jen was a little confused by the line of attack but decided to embrace it:

“Prove it!” She whispered against Agatha’s ear.

Another string of expletives ending in some variation of the phrase ‘I’ll show you vulnerable!’ before Agatha took a deep inhale. Followed by a focused exhale

She repeated the process twice more.

“Good girl!” Jen whispered.

To her surprise, Agatha didn’t retort. Just inhaled an even deeper breath. Jen felt Agatha’s body expand with the inhale, her stomach retracting with the exhale. The babies inside now relatively calm—only occasionally rolling sluggishly inside their mother instead of fervently kicking as before.

“Nice and calm!” Jen whispered.

“...It’s how I want their life to be,” Agatha whispered the first words she’d said in many minutes. Jen blinked, re acclimating to the dulcet tone of Agatha’s voice. “Not chaotic or filled with death. I don’t want them to chase power or destruction. I just want them to be…”

“Safe.” Jen’s tone matched Agatha’s. A quiet whisper as though afraid of waking the children yet to be born.

Agatha took another breath. Jen realized she had stopped guiding Agatha. She smiled. Maybe there was hope for Harkness after all—

“This is lame. Lame as ass. Lame ass.”

Jen sighed.

Agatha abruptly reached behind her, awkwardly flailing around, clearly trying to either poke Jen’s eye out or smack her in the face

“Ow! What are you doing Harkness?!” Jen pushed away from Agatha and stood to her full height, reflexively running her hands over her face as though to wave off Agatha’s germs, then glowered down at Agatha.

Agatha was smirking smugly and extending her arms for a hand up.

“Upsies please!”

“You’re not a baby!” Jen growled, but took both of Agatha’s arms and hoisted her up. Agatha sighed in relief and dusted her clothes off theatrically.

“Well… Can’t say we didn’t try. Next time I’ll the Christmas Colors to your little class and we’ll all laugh your expense! But today’s session gets zero stars. Two thumbs up Roger’s ass. A ton of notes, but none I’m willing to share. Rated—”

“I get it. You’re not a fan.”

“Oh sure I am! Of things that are better than that—like sitting through three day operas with no bathroom break. Or getting a nostril tattoo. Or—”

“Get out of my office!” Jen grabbed Agatha around her shoulders and began to push her towards the door. Agatha was still going on about preferring to deep fry her own hand when Jen finally got her to the door an opened it, shoving her out onto the landing.

“Wait!”

Jen frowned, stopping herself from fully closing the door as Agatha’s blue eyes turned to her with an air of desperation she hadn’t been expecting.

“….What?” Jen asked hesitantly.

Agatha took a breath as though not sure if she wanted to say more, then released it, the question following quickly:

“...You wouldn’t happen to have any leafy greens around, would you?!”

Jen slammed the door.

Chapter Text

“Please my love… I can take it!”

The plea was punctuated by a press of lips to Rio’s shoulder. Agatha’s fingers tender against her stomach, slowly sliding down as the too young and tender witch sidled against her, panting with need.

Rio tried to twist away, but Agatha only moved her head to her other side, met the side of Death’s mouth with a sloppy kiss and further pleading growl.

This creature that had so enamored her was so persistent. And worse still: so cunning .

“Give me your magic! Only a mere morsel is sure to be all that is needed for me to feel you!” Agatha twirled her around so that she could look into Rio’s eyes. Pierce her gaze with blown out pupils and a mouth hanging open as though tasting the undercurrent of mystical energy.

Which, considering this was Agatha Harkness, she probably could .

“We do not know what could happen were you to feed upon me. I treasure you too much to—”

“Treasures and trinkets are for mortals! Do not pretend they hold value for you in your glorious endless nature! You would be too boring for me were you to insist on such a charade!” Agatha grasped Rio’s face in her hands. Rio felt the warmth flood up through pale palms.

And then Agatha’s lips were against her own again.

Rio whimpered as she fought to contain the Green bubbling up inside of her. The Death.

“I want…” Agatha pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“But..” Rio’s clavicle burned as Agatha’s lips landed against it.

“A taste….” Agatha moved to her belly, growling as her lips pressed to the pale flesh, uncovered in the moonlight.

“Of all you have to offer!” Agatha tore the flowing black sash covering Rio’s nethers in a single twist of Purple.

Her mouth found Rio’s most sensitive spot.

“OKAY! CLASS IN SESSION, LET’S GO!”

Agatha brought fingers to her lips and blew air past them for an obnoxiously loud whistle.

“Was that really necessary?!” Billy huffed as he covered his ears. Tommy was wincing and shaking his head in an attempt to restore his hearing. They sat on the couch—Billy on one end, closest to Agatha, and Tommy at the other closest to the door.

“Agatha being a loud pain in the ass? Yes, it’s practically mandatory for coven meetings at this point!” Lilia growled, trudging over to take a seat on the couch.

“Wait, a Sabbath?! No, it’s not the right day!” Sharon, already sat in the armchair that Agatha normally occupied, pulled out a thick tome with heavily stylized letters denoting its title as “Wiccapedia” and began frantically leafing through. Alice, leaning against the bookcase next to the armchair, smiled slightly at Sharon’s obsession with witch protocols. There was something endearing about the woman’s commitment to being a dedicated member of the coven since her unusual return to life.

“We might be missing someone if this was a meeting. Or was I supposed to invite Jen?” Wanda walked in with a basket containing a dozen scones. She set the biscuits down in the middle of the coffee table centered in the room, then plopped down between the twins, patting each of her boys on the arm absentmindedly. Billy tried not to smile while Tommy huffed and rolled his eyes.

Neither moved.

Agatha bit her lower lip as she looked from Wanda to the scones. As though debating whether to actually have one.

“Here.”

Agatha jumped as Rio’s voice played over her ear. Rio was behind her, hand trailing along her hip, a scone in her other hand extended in front of Agatha’s field of vision.

“….Not sure if my stomach can handle it….” Agatha’s voice did not sound as if she was refusing. Rio hovered the pastry seductively before her lover’s face, watching in amusement as Agatha’s head bobbed, chasing the path of the scone as Rio moved it to and fro.

“Just… One… Little…”

“Fine!” Agatha gave in with a huff, whipping the scone from Rio’s grasp and pulling it to her face, inhaling its scent and exhaling a sigh of ecstatic release. Her expression then returned to stern and she motioned the hand still holding the bread to the couch. “Now sit!”

“Yes ma’am!” Rio gave a mock salute and crossed to sit on the arm of the couch.

“Where is Jen?” Billy glanced around as though expecting them to come waltzing through the door.

“She and Agatha don’t exactly get along….” Alice glanced to Agatha, who nodded curtly.

“But that’s not why she’s here. She doesn’t get the invite while the parents discuss the ceremony.” Agatha looked pointedly at Alice.

Alice frowned. Then her eyes widened. She uncrossed her arms and pulled off from the bookcase.

“You mean this is a meeting about… Saining?!”

“About what now?!” Wanda glanced between Alice and Agatha as Agatha nodded.

“OH! Wiccaning!” Sharon shifted gears in the book, leaving the page about Sabbats and frantically flipping further in.

“The hell is a ‘wiccaning?!’” Agatha furrowed her brows.

“It’s what they started calling the ritual a few decades ago,” Lilia leaned forward, eyes full of surprise as she assessed Agatha. As though unsure if she was serious.

“Will someone please explain what this ‘ritual’ is?!” Wanda looked around for explanation.

“Think ‘baptism’ but for witch babies. Channeling the spirit of the Goddess or…” Billy glanced to Rio, “sometimes the Green Witch…”

“The whole coven gets together, blesses the baby, and then has a ton of food!” Sharon held up the Wiccapedia book and faced its opened pages toward Wanda who clicked her tongue as she glanced at the pages on Saining/Wiccaning/Paganing.

“There are all sorts of rules about the High Priestess not attending the planning to avoid showing favoritism or something.” Billy shrugged.

“Didn’t know you were so religious Aunt Ags!” Tommy quipped.

“I’m not. But my family’s done them since we were still Clan D’Arqueness,” Agatha was looking towards the window eyes unfocused, “...I skipped it last time.” Her voice was quiet.

Rio looked down at her hands. The room was silent for a moment before Agatha turned back to the Coven, pointing with her free hand to the couch where Billy and Tommy sat.

“And your mother skipped it with you two due to her astonishing ignorance of customs and norms—”

“Astonishing?! That feels a little much…” Wanda grumbled.

“And look how that turned out! No, these two are getting the full Monty! Covens, Crones, all the bathing in ichor whatever all the old legends say!”

“Umm, I think you might have a problem with the whole ‘maternal line’ part…” Alice chimed in again.

“Oh, yeah! You’re supposed to have the mother of the mother there, right?!” Billy asked.

Agatha sighed and nodded.

“Yes. Which is why I will collecting three...or four hairs. For a little Seanceing... I am a Spirit Witch, after all. Well, actually Lilia will be collecting the hairs, as our Crone.”

“What did you call me?!”

“It just means you’re the wisest member of our Coven, Lils!” Agatha said sweetly. Then, placing a hand over her mouth and whispering in a voice that was barely lower than her normal speaking voice added; “and old as dirt!”

“You really wanna go there, Hagatha?! Shall we pull out the birth certificates and see how close in age we really are?”

“Sorry, I can’t read hieroglyphics.”

Lilia grabbed a scone and launched it at Agatha, who ducked it and stuck out her tongue, blowing on the scone Rio had given her.

“Wait, what do you mean three or four?” Alice frowned, glancing to Agatha, then Wanda and Rio.

“Every ‘mother’ should be channeled. I tried to convince her Evanora wasn’t worth the trouble, but she’s stubborn.” Rio muttered, trying to lock eyes with Agatha as Agatha was doing a bang up job ignoring her.

“We’re going to do it right or not at all. And we are going to do it! So my hair and Red Tornado’s for sure.”

“Wait, does that mean…?” Wanda stood, heart pounding. Agatha did meet Wanda’s eyes, soft and reassuring.

“You’re mother’s spirit will be with us. One way or another.”

Wanda nodded, sitting back down to process. Billy placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Can’t wait to meet grandma… Or her ghost or energy or whatever…”

“I’m still confused… your hair for Evanora, Wanda’s for her mother, and… why would you need more?”

Agatha tilted her head to the side, assessing Agatha like she might be a bit slow.

“Well if you hadn’t forgotten a lot of passion went into all of this!” Agatha motioned over her stomach, barely showing signs of the gestation as was appropriate for a woman less than 8 weeks along, even despite it being twins.

“I’m pretty sure me and the OG twins want to know nothing about your passions. But are you saying they have two different…” Alice frowned. ‘Father’ was definitely not the right word.

Agatha seemed to understand. Her cheeks reddened slightly.

“At least….”

“The hell does that mean?!” Lilia crossed her arms,

“Well polyploidy isn’t exactly unheard of in witches,” Agatha shrugged.

“Oh yes, we know you like to juggle a few gals at a time, eh?!” Sharon wiggled her eyebrows at Rio and Wanda.

Agatha groaned in annoyance and looked at Sharon like she’d just spit out a cockroach.

“Not polyamory, polyploydy you nitwit! It means multiple sets of chromosomes. Fatal for humans, fantastic for witches! Call the extras our ‘Hex-gene!’”

“Really? You’re saying we’re, what, triploids?” Billy cocked his head to the side, expression doubtful. Wanda looked to him, impressed.

“You follow her?”

“I am in school.”

“So am I, but sounds like she’s speaking Greek to me.” Tommy chimed in.

“...’Ploid’ is Greek…”

“That’s why your brother gets the gold star and you get to fetch Aunt Ags some fig preserves for her scone!” Agatha pointed towards the kitchen. Tommy rolled his eyes but disappeared and reappeared in a blink, carrying a jar of earth green preserves which he passed to Agatha.

“Think of this scone as my precious, unmolested egg,” Agatha held up the scone, then turned it sideways, splitting along the thinnest part for two roughly equal halves. She placed one half down and picked up a knife, dipping it into the fig preserves and pulling out a glob. “Now when a little bit of magic, the very essence of life, went into pulling me back from the other side, it got a big heaping of someone’s magic,” Agatha threw Rio a sharp look as she spread the jam over one half of the scone.

“I’ve never been more intrigued and disgusted by a metaphor in my life,” Sharon whispered to Lilia.

“I’m just disgusted…” Lilia said, frowning.

“Wait, I thought Chaos magick brought you back? Isn’t that why mom—?”

Agatha nodded, pulling up the other half of biscuit and a jar of strawberry preserves sat next to it.

“And then, in order to keep me in the land of the living a little adjustment to probability—we had to get pretty close for that,” Agatha glanced to Wanda with a heated sultry eyes. Wanda felt like her cheeks would burst into flame. She coughed on air, then motioned for Agatha to continue. Agatha obliged, spreading strawberry over the other scone half, then smashing the fig-strawberry scone back together with a gleeful, teeth baring smile. “BOOM! Diandric fertilization! Just… Without the androgen. It’s been known to happen.”

“When has something that crazy ever happened before?!” Alice shook her head in disbelief, throwing glances between Wanda, Rio and Agatha. Wanda looked simultaneously proud and embarrassed somehow. Rio had made her way back to Agatha, wrapping arms round her waist and leaning forward for a bite of the over prepared scone.

“Well it’s a lot more common in the House of Harkness since great aunt Maria D’Arqueness went and got herself knocked up by a Faltine during the Punic Wars!”

“What’s a Faltine?! That’s not in my book!” Sharon returned to flipping through the pages.

“Ever hear of Dormammu?” Rio asked, taking a bite of the biscuit that Agatha finally offered her, nodding in approval.

“...No?”

“Doctor Strange stopped him. Or, didn’t stop him…. At least that’s what Ms.Marvel’s fan site says. Anyway, they’re supposedly beings of pure magic from another dimension,” Billy gently nudged Sharon’s book closed as the woman appeared to be getting more stressed each page she flipped through without an explanation for ‘Faltine’ or ‘Dormammu.’

“We do not speak of sorcerers in this house!” Agatha hissed. She regained her composure quickly enough, turning to Alice. “So to answer your question: yes, there are a few witches here that have decided to lend their magic to the cause of impregnating me. But like I said, it’s been known to happen.”

“And like Al said, when?!” Lilia scoffed.

Agatha huffed and motioned to Billy.

“He and his brother have more parents than Sharon has terrible outfits!”

“HEY!”

“….Fair point.” Lilia shrugged

Alice raised an eyebrow as Agatha locked eyes with her, then started to bite her lip. Perhaps it was her detective instincts, or just knowing how deceptive Agatha could be, but she had a bad feeling suddenly.

“So…. That’s three hairs… Why would you ever need four?” Alice asked, letting her tone convey her suspicion. .

“Yeah… Here’s the thing, Al… You know how magic can be a little… Chaotic? Especially when really powerful witches get together?”

“….Sure, I guess….” Alice felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to raise.

“Well I think there might have been a slight mishap. Back during my trial. You know, when I kind of…” Agatha slid a finger beneath her throat, following the movement by closing her eyes and letting her head hang limply for a second before returning to a normal expression and pointing at Alice.

“When you killed me, you mean?!”

“Accidents happen! And hey, we both made it back!”

“What’s that got to do with the Saining and mothers of the mothers?!” Billy leaned towards Agatha, also curious at this point.

“One baby has our DNA…. The other though, well, it was conceived a little differently….” Agatha was still looking nervously at Alice. “When I got back… I still had Alice’s magic, her life force in me….”

“Agatha, would you just spit it out?!” Lilia was standing her own eyes growing with apprehension as the clear conclusion to Agatha’s speech was forming in her mind even before Agatha responded.

“Congratulations, Al! You’re gonna be a mom!” Agatha spread her arms wide, welcoming a hug that didn’t come. Alice froze. Dark brown eyes moved from Agatha’s face, forced into a tight smile, down to her stomach.

“I’m gonna be sick!” Alice raced from the room towards the bathroom.

Agatha sighed, letting her hands drop to her side.

“Talk about buns in the coven…” Tommy murmured.

“You’re unbelievable!” Lilia shook her head and raced after Alice.

“Hey, it was an accident! Like, the craziest possible accident!” Agatha called after her.

“She’s probably just feeling left out since everyone else in the coven got to contribute.” Rio pressed a kiss to Agatha’s cheek.

“I would be jealous too if I didn’t get a chance to…” Wanda crossed the room and placed her hand on Agatha’s shoulder, leaning forward to press a kiss to Agatha’s other cheek. “Put a little magic in you!”

“Could you guys please keep it PG?!” Billy groaned, covering his eyes.

“Wait, you mean everyone except Ms. Calderu and Ms. Kale, right?” Tommy, munching a scone frowned as he ran back over Rio’s statement.

“Calderu? Yes. Kale... Nope.” Rio answered curtly. Agatha blinked. She pulled back from Rio, searching for any hint of humour.

“….What does that mean?!” Agatha asked, as apprehensive as Alice was mere moments earlier.

“I thought that’s why you suggested four? Did you not realize how binding Jen’s magic affected you?”

“Most of a bound witch’s magic stays with the witch that’s bound. But a little goes into the binding witch. It's sympathetic magic, babe, you know how it works.”

“I—” Agatha’s eyes glazed over as her mind whirred. Then they became wide as saucers as she looked to Rio. “Wait, you’re not saying…?!”

Rio nodded nonchalantly, removing her hands from where they’d settled against Agatha’s side and picking up a scone. She slid her athame through it, slicing it cleanly in two. The blade then went into a jar of orange marmalade, which she slathered over one half. She pulled another scone free and sliced it in half. With half of the first scone and half of the second in each hand, she pressed them together in a mirror to Agatha’s own visual experiment.

“Was that supposed to be two eggs?!” Tommy whispered, confused.

“Digynic reproduction!” Billy gasped in a hushed tone.

“You should probably tell Jen that your egg was compatible enough with her magic to create a whole new HarKale thing.” Rio said casually, offering Agatha the scone as she was used to doing by now.

“That’s possible?!” Wanda asked Billy.

“Anything’s possible I guess…”

“And Alice’s magic….”

“Likes Harkale eggs.”

“I’m gonna be sick!”

Agatha raced from the room.

“Wake my love! PLEASE!”

She had been foolish. So damned foolish! To actually concede Agatha’s request. No matter how she loved the witch she shouldn’t have… No. Because she loved her so deeply she should have understood she wouldn’t be able to control her magic.

It flowed into Agatha like raindrops into rivers. A perfect fit.

But no mortal could contain such power.

And now here she sat: on the forest floor, tears spilling down her cheeks as she stroked at Agatha’s pale—far too pale face. Her blue eyes were cloudy.

Lifeless.

“Goddess…. Have I…?”

Rio turned to look behind her, already knowing what she would see: Agatha, standing before her Door. Her path to the afterlife. Waiting for Rio to guide her from this realm to the next.

“… Yes. My magic did this…. Dearest I….”

“Do not cry for me… It's quite… Peaceful here. I rather like it.”

“It is not your time! It shall not be your time!” Rio spoke more to herself than Agatha. She didn’t notice Agatha startle as the Door behind her sprung open. Agatha turned, blocking her eyes as a shimmering light from the Door nearly blinded her.

“…No. It is not your time. It cannot be!”

“...But… It must be, no?” Agatha asked, turning away from the door. Death pushed to her feet. She extended a skeletal hand. And snapped her fingers.

The light on the other side of the Door vanished.

The Door opened in midair now reflected nothing more than the other side of the forest. Agatha on one side standing and facing Rio and her own lifeless body on the other side.

“…What did you…?”

“Step through now. Return to me.”

“….What if I do not wish it?!”

Curse of the Eternal and Infinite why was her love so stubborn?!

“Agatha, PLEASE!”

Agatha pouted for an agonizing few moments more. Then, with an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders, lifted her skirt slightly and swirled through the door.

The lifeless body on the ground twitched. Color returned to Agatha’s face. And then she shot into a seated position with a gasp.

Rio’s arms were around her an instant later, nuzzling against her cheek, kissing her endlessly as Agatha gasped.

“My love… You brought me… Life?!”

Rio locked eyes with her, hands tangled in chestnut brown hair, still dirtied with earth and leaves.

“Yes, my dearest, of course! I brought you back to life!” And she kissed her, tasting lavendar and hope and love against this most precious witch who she had almost lost in her own arrogance! Never again. Never again would her kiss carry the magic of Death.

“...No, my love…” Agatha whispered after she’d caught her breath. “You brought me…. Life!”

Rio was confused until she felt Agatha guiding her hand. To her stomach.

It was faint.

How could it not be? It was only seconds into its existence. Agatha was likely only capable of feeling it because Rio’s own magic was still working through her system.

What magic hadn’t been used to craft the little being in her womb, that is.

Rio managed not to gasp. A new kind of dread filling her as Agatha brought their hands to her stomach.

It cannot be….

It must be.

“Yes, my love… For you… Life.”

There would be plenty of time for regrets later. For now, Rio, Death, kissed the woman who was to bless them both with life.

By the time Agatha had made it back, Sharon had thankfully left her armchair vacant, having apparently decided to expand her horizons to researching biology after Agatha’s disclosure left her head spinning.

“I want off this ride.” Agatha huffed and collapsed into the seat..

Wanda squeezed in beside her partner, placing a hand gently over her tummy and beaming.

“C’mon, it’s a little exciting! Your whole Coven is connected… By you!”

“Uh-uh not until Lilia stakes her claim!” Rio squeezed in on Agatha’s other side, smirking.

“Don’t even joke!” Agatha grumbled, fingers toying absentmindedly with the hem of her loose blouse. She released a sigh. “I can’t believe I’m going to have to deal with three sets of annoying ghost inlaws at the Saining…”

“But it’ll be all downhill from there!” Rio pressed her lips to Agatha’s in a chaste kiss.

“Don’t jinx it, Lady Death!” Wanda chided, poking at Rio from the other side.

“Keep it PG rated!” Tommy said sternly.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure they grow up well adjusted even though we’re only sorta related to one!” Billy chuckled.

Agatha’s eyes darted to the twins with a furtive glance before quickly moving away.

Tommy caught the quick movement easily

“...Auntie… What was that look for?!”A shudder ran through him as he began to wonder what Agatha could possibly be hiding now.

“Soooooo, the Hex was basically just a big ball of magic… There was Vision’s Mind Stone energy helping run it, sure, but in the beginning I was also trying to test some limits in there…”

Wanda’s back stiffened. She sat ramrod straight and turned to look at Agatha, eyes narrowing.

“Agatha…. What are you saying?!”

“Well when magic meets magic…. And someone gets preggers….” Agatha raised her arms in a shrug.

“Agatha,” Billy’s voice was squeaking he was so panicked, “You’re not saying….?!”

Agatha cleared her throat and stood, spreading her arms wide and beaming before commanding in a deeper voice than normal:

“Come to your second papa, boys!”

“I think I’m gonna be sick!”

“Way ahead of you bro!”

Chapter Text

An easy dusk had just settled into the upstate New York cottage that was soon to be a Bed and Breakfast.

Or at least that’s what Wanda had heard Agatha proposing over one of her numerous phone calls.

For some reason, Wanda hadn’t really anticipated that a centuries old witch would have a plethora of business ventures scattered throughout the globe, occluded by shell companies and shrouded in a web of secrecy as tangled as her hair.

She felt a little silly when she gave it a bit of more thought. Of course Agatha, who had spent centuries amassing magical power, would also amass as much influence in the material, human world as well. If only for the purpose of using what she’d built in the latter world to protect herself in the former.

Which is why she, Rio and Agatha were here. To facilitate the new venture by “sampling” the soon to be opened B&B.

Wanda had to admit: she rather liked having a sugar mommy.

“Witch. Taste.”

Rio’s voice, gruff and completely inhospitable as was her custom, pulled Wanda away from the book Lilia had gifted her last Yule (“The Chronicles of Cagliostro: Astronomy and the Fate Written In Stars”) and she saw Rio standing in Agatha’s apron holding a tray of cookies out. Judging from the steam rising from them they were quite literally fresh out of the oven, and Wanda winced reflexively as she thought of how the burn of holding the piping hot cookie sheet would cause a normal person to faint.

“Aren’t you missing a word? Something that starts with ‘p?!’”

Rio frowned, thinking for a moment.

“….Partake. You petulant pathetic excuse for a practitioner!”

“I was thinking ‘please.’” Wanda knew the conversation would get nowhere so just sighed and planted the still open book facedown on the side table, hefting herself from the far too comfortable chair and towards Rio.

Rio extended the tray out further before Wanda was a full foot away form her, and Wanda saw the entire tray of cookies was badly burned.

“Those are completely inedible!”

“How do you know?! You haven’t tried one!”

“I have eyes and a nose, and I’ve seen charcoal less burnt!”

Rio gritted her teeth, glancing at the tray of cookies. She pulled a hand free, the burnt and blistering skin immediately knitting back to normal, and then took up a cookie. Wanda watched as she took a bite. Chewed. Considered.

“These are terrible.” Rio sighed.

Wanda snorted.

Rio walked to the trash bin and deposited the whole batch and the tray itself into the waiting receptacle.

“Can’t say I’m surprised. Since when do you bake, anyway?”

“Since Agatha wanted ginger snaps,” Rio looked Wanda up and down, frowning as her eyes settled on the Scarlet Witch’s ginger mane. “And you don’t count.”

“Of course.” Wanda frowned and turned to look for the other woman. “Where is she, anyway?”

Wanda looked towards the hallway that connected the living room to the bedroom—this being the most expansive lodging of the B&B it included its own separate bedroom. One which Agatha, now no less than 20 weeks pregnant and experiencing a commensurate level of exhaustion, had spent most of their stay resting within.

Her question hung in the air long enough that she turned back.

Rio had also disappeared now.

“...Rio?”

“Baking!” Rio barked from the kitchen. Wanda heard the slamming of an oven door and Rio traipsed back in, tossing another tray into the trash, and dusting off blistering hands.

“Third batch just went in.”

“Give them about 12 minutes. And you can use a mitt, you know?!”

“Why would I do that?!”

Wanda was sighing when her earlier inquiry into Agatha’s whereabouts was answered by a shuffling behind her. Agatha waddled out in a flowing purple (of course) night robe. She was adjusting the strap around her waist, tying it above the rather noticeable protrusion of her pregnant bump, as she strode over to Rio, tilting her head curiously.

“What smells like burnt ass?!”

Wanda nearly choked on her own breathing at Agatha’s lack of eloquence and Rio threw her a murderous glare before turning to Agatha, placing her hands delicately on either of the pregnant witch’s arms.

“New recipe, mamacita!”

“Don’t with those hands, you’ll ruin my robe?!” Agatha glanced to the blistering skin of Agatha’s not quite healed hands. Rio quickly snatched them back. Wanda, smirking, released an audible ‘tsk,’ earning still more ire from Rio’s brown eyes.

“At least now we know the oven works, right babe?” Rio asked.

“I knew the oven worked. Even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have tested it by making the entire place smell like a viking funeral!” Agatha huffed, her left hand grasped to Rio’s left wrist before Rio could fully pull it away.

But the tension in her voice wasn’t anger….

Another thing Wanda had learned of Agatha was how to read the undercurrent of Agatha’s words. The tone that implied desire. Rio, infinitely more experienced in the matter, licked her lips and nodded.

“….I did a bad thing….?”

Agatha stepped into the space between them, pulling the hand she still grasped around Rio’s wrist to their side, right hand finding a familiar place around Rio’s throat.

“Very bad...How do you plan to make it up to me?!”

Rio answered with a kiss, her face pressing forward despite the firm grip Agatha held around her throat. The breath pushed out of her in a scintillating promise:

“...By testing out the bed!”

“Now you’re cooking!” Agatha whispered after Rio released her lips.

Wanda had learned to follow a cue by this point in their relationship. She closed the distance between the heated pair, hands pressing to Agatha’s waist. Pressing gently but insistently against her hip bones. Agatha had chased after Rio’s mouth for another kiss, turned, growling slightly as she decided Wanda’s lips would taste at least as good.

“I think… the bed is…. … that way!” Wanda gasped after Agatha released her. Agatha nodded. Then, violet exploded into her vision.

And then she was floating rudderless in midair.

She floated a quarter of a second before she collapsed, backward onto the soft mattress of the enormous bed. Whether Agatha had intended for Rio to appear more gracefully, Wanda didn’t know, she just knew the brunette was smirking next to her a second later. And then Agatha herself shimmered into being, straddling Wanda who just found her way into leaning against the headboard.

“T-that was fast!” Wanda chuckled, her hands returning to their position against Agatha’s hips. A pale leg slid languidly between Wanda’s own as Rio edged closer to Wanda and Agatha, her hand brushing a strand of hair from Agatha’s face, earning her a sultry look from blue eyes.

“What? No time for a quickie?!”

Agatha kissed along her neck, lips tracing Wanda’s pulse before pulling away, turning into the waiting lips of Rio hovering next to her.

It was as though they were enmeshed in a forest, soft scents of lavender, rosemary and chamomile intermingling with gentle caresses. Wanda moaned as Rio traced the pattern of Agatha’s lips with her tongue. Whatever healing salve Rio’s saliva carried leaving Wanda’s skin tingling and vibrating with energy.

“Or do you prefer we go slow?!” Agatha asked in a husky whisper, adjusting her weight against Wanda. Wanda felt the swell of Agatha’s belly against her own flat abdomen. The pulsing heat between her legs as Agatha ground ever closer. Wanda’s hands moved from widened hips to the sides of the pregnancy, cradling the miracle she was partially responsible for.

If she was honest it had been a surprise how Agatha’s pregnancy had affected her. A primal desire coursed through her when she saw the brunette growing heavy with the twins. Moments like these—when she had time to fully explore the majesty of Agatha’s gestation—left her breathless and her mind clouded with nothing but thoughts of exploring the woman bearing their children.

Tonight was no different. And tonight Agatha saw through her like an open window.

Her lips curled into a mischievous smile even as Rio nuzzled against her cheek, begging for attention that presently belonged to Wanda.

“You like this? This little bit of chaos you’ve sown?”

Wanda nodded. Agatha closed her own hands over Wanda’s still pressed to her belly.

“You’re too reckless!” Agatha hissed, abruptly yanking Wanda’s hands away from her bump, pushing them above her head. A snap of violet magic and her hands were bound to the headboard by tightly coiled sheets.

Wanda gasped as Agatha filled the space, her body now flush against the Scarlet Witch. She leaned forward, lips hovering over Wanda’s ear to whisper into her. “You don’t get to touch. Not after you let my poor toy’s hands get burned!”

“I-I didn’t mean to—” Wanda replied weakly. She was lost in the haze of Agatha’s scent, the heat of her body against her. She saw Agatha pull Rio’s hand to her mouth out of the corner of her eyes, the blue eyes looking at it like a marvelous work of art before she kissed the bottom of Lady Death’s palm.

“Now we need to make sure they still work….” Agatha lips closed around Rio’s index and middle finger, a satisfied whine escaping her lips even as Rio gasped as the warmth enveloped her digits. “Let’s give it a test!” Agatha pulled Rio’s hand from her mouth, guided it below her belly. To where she and Wanda’s bodies met.

And then she was no longer guiding Rio, but tracing Wanda’s lips with one hand, while the other traced its way up Rio’s thigh.

“Baby, what are you--?” Rio, breathless, searched Agatha’s eyes for as Agatha’s hands—oh those perfect hands—teased and tested her.

“Go on, let her feel the burn… I’ve got you!” Agatha purred, not bothering with a response before charging ahead with her own ministrations as Wanda waited for Rio’s fingers to deliver a Little Death in tandem.

“OH FUCK!” Wanda gasped, as a blazing heat having nothing to do with Rio’s earlier cooking mishap flooded through her beneath Rio’s touch.

“DIOSA!” Rio hissed as Agatha chuckled and nuzzled against her ear.

“Hmm, would you look at that? Guess everything still works?” Agatha’s tongue traced over her teeth as she looked between her lovers with another mischievous smile.

Wanda was panting but could still feel heat deep in her belly. She tried to move her still restrained hands, having forgotten in the haze of ecstasy they had been bound. Her eyes were struggling to focus as she glanced up at the bedsheets, groaning audibly.

“Problem?!” Agatha asked teasingly, adjusting her position to steadying on her knees in the bed. Wanda’s green eyes traced the curve of her pregnant lover’s stomach. Enticingly near but incapable of being caressed.

“Yes!” Wanda answered. She yanked at her restraints. Felt the tiniest bit of give.

“She’s a real ginger snap this one, I’d be careful,” Rio had apparently recovered rather quickly as she was kissing along Agatha’s neck again, this time her hands sliding lower on Agatha’s body. Agatha inhaled sharply as a palm closed over her breast. Wanda could feel another part of the restraint give way….

“Remembering what you put in me?” Agatha grunted, eyes darting from one partner to the other, guiding Rio’s hand to where she wanted it upon her engorged breast, letting warm fingers caress the raised bud of a nipple.

“I think about it… Often…” Wanda confirmed. The slack created in the restraints growing more pronounced.

“Bet you want to try putting something else in me?!” Agatha’s teeth caught the bottom of her lip as her pupils dilated in anticipation. It was annoyingly adorable.

Between Agatha and Rio, boundless in their creativity and willingness to guide Wanda in the way of witchcraft, Wanda had learned that there were plenty of things her own Chaos magic could create. Ways to alter her own body to fit inside the other witches sharing her bed.

The sheets tying her to the bed frame gave way.

In a single smooth move Wanda flipped Agatha onto her back and hopped atop her, perfectly reversing their positions. Rio gave a low whistle as her hand was left grasping to the air where Agatha had been seconds before.

“I think it is your turn to be punished, draga!” Wanda growled, the primal need in her voice sending a shuddering, gasp through Agatha.

Agatha, far from being nervous, bared her teeth like fangs.

“Fill me!"

Fuck me ! Agatha’s mind screamed in tandem, her thoughts intentionally opened to Wanda. Demanding the endless flood of magical energy that Wanda could initiate in tandem with the physical pleasure she could bring Agatha.

And then Wanda felt the intoxicating tug of Agatha’s magic as Violet stabbed into her like violence. Agatha, directing Wanda’s magic like the conductor of a symphonic orchestra. Forcing it to the surface, twisting Chaos, molding Wanda’s own body to her whims.

Wanda groaned as she felt the pressure between her legs. The sting of creation. She leaned forward, palming Agatha’s belly, already anticipating the completion of the spell. The primal urge to complete the task that would await her new appendage at the end. She felt the magic building inside her, reaching a fever pitch, vision blurring—

Something shifted beneath her hand !

“OHMYGOD!”

Wanda’s tone seemed to break the spell. Agatha’s eyes stopping shimmering purple and returned to blue as her brows knitted in confusion at Wanda’s reaction. Wanda lifted herself from Agatha, glancing to Rio in amazement. Rio tilted her head in confusion as Wanda smiled widely at her. She pressed slightly more insistently against the pregnant stomach, as she tilted her head towards it while locking eyes with Rio.

“They moved!”

“What?!” Rio’s face went from confused to alarmed, then finally, settled into a look of awe as Wanda pulled back and pointed to where Agatha was still recovering, looking between the two of them confused.

“What the hell Maximoff?!” Agatha propped herself up on her elbows, she noticed Wanda’s finger hovering over her stomach and frowned.

“You mean—?!” Rio’s palm pressed to Agatha’s tummy as Wanda nodded excitedly.

“What on Earth are you two—?” Agatha growled as Wanda’s hand returned to her stomach.

Then all three of them felt it together: A shudder of movement from inside Agatha’s body. Agatha seemed to realize what had disturbed the moment and sighed.

“Oh, right guess they’ve just been bouncing around annoying me until now, huh?”

“You’ve been feeling this?” Rio asked, voice hushed with awe. Agatha sighed and nodded, motioning for room before pulling herself into a seated position and twisting herself around to lean against the headboard. Rio and Wanda sidled up alongside her, Rio sat cross legged on her left while Wanda lay with her legs unfurled on Agatha’s right side. Four hands pressing to the swollen mound containing the twins.

“For about the last month. Guess they’re finally big enough to be a pain for everyone else instead of just my bladder!”

“Quickening!” Wanda murmured as her hand searched for more movements.

“Isn’t that what Agatha’s accountant uses for Scratched Emerald’s taxes?!” Rio quirked an eyebrow. Wanda rolled her eyes, familiar with the name for Agatha’s oldest and most robust holding company by now.

“No, it’s what early fetal movements are called. Did you not read any of the books Jen gave us?!”

“I prefer the quickie!” Agatha grumbled, but she placed her hands softly over Rio’s and Wanda’s, guiding palms to where the children growing inside her were most active.

“Plenty of time for that after they’ve tired themselves out, babe!” Rio smirked.

“These brats are a real cockblock…” Agatha crossed her arms, pouting but with a barely concealed smile showing she in fact reveled in her partner’s gentle caresses.

“Shush! I’m trying to bond with our babies!” Wanda chided playfully, shimmying down to her elbows on the bed so that her head was level with Agatha’s bump. The pale flesh pulsed again with a tiny flicker of movement just to the side of Agatha’s popped navel, and Wanda beamed and ghosted her fingers along the curve once more before pressing a light kiss to the spot.

“Can you believe her?!” Agatha pouted, turning to Rio. Rio gave her a crooked smirk, shrugging.

“You’re the one that had to be the perfectly adorable pregnant lady,” Rio brushed the streak of grey hair from in front of Agatha’s face so she could better see her pouty glare.

“This B&B sucks! Not even any good snacks!” Agatha crossed her arms as best as she could with Wanda’s head in the way.

Rio frowned, the thought of food sparking something in the recesses of her mind….

“Shit! The cookies!” She raced from the room with a speed Agatha and Wanda had never before observed.

“What are the odds they’re burnt to a crisp?” Agatha glanced down to Wanda, still hovering over her belly, her fingers gently brushing through crimson locks.

“Let’s just say I wouldn’t put any money on it,” Wanda felt a little nudge beneath her ear pressed to the bump and pulled away to kiss the spot, eyes closing as she felt Agatha’s fingers carding through her hair.

With her eyes closed she didn’t notice Rio return until she felt the bed dip beneath the added weight of the Green Witch. She opened her eyes and turned her head up to see Agatha frowning at Rio’s offering: a perfectly browned ginger snap cookie.

“Witch. Taste.”

“Ahem.” Wanda cleared her throat.

Rio glanced at her, then rolled her eyes before putting on a sickly sweet smile as she extended the cookie closer to Agatha’s mouth, adding a solitary additional word:

“Please!”

Agatha glanced between them, but when neither explained just sighed and closed her mouth around the cookie. The lightest crunch as her teeth closed over the soft ginger themed cookie. She chewed. Considered.

“...It’s actually good!”

“Thanks… I think?” Rio deadpanned before kissing Agatha’s cheek as Agatha took another bite. And then popped the entire rest of the cookie into her mouth, chewing slowly and nodding in approval.

Wanda felt the little bumps and nudges more frequently as Agatha took up another cookie.

“I think you’re giving them a sugar rush!”

“Or they just want to annoy me like their mothers,” Agatha gave each of her partners a pointed look before taking another mouthful of gingersnap. Rio set the plate down on Agatha’s lap and sidled up to her side again. Agatha tilted her head to rest on Rio’s shoulder.

“So, have you decided about the B&B?” Rio asked as her fingers found brown strands, lush from the more beneficial side effects of pregnancy, carding through the locks, mimicking Agatha’s languid stroking of Wanda’s hair.

A gatha took a bite of the ginger snap, frowning as she looked around the room. Then, that famous mischievious smile returned.

“Hmmm… No… I think I need another night to make my decision!”

R io smirked, knowing exactly how they’d spend the extra night.

Chapter Text

“...And I think it’s really important to the reader for Eleanor to show herself to be so vulnerable, even when she’s feigning self assurance. It’s what she’s doing to protect her child and wouldn’t any of us give in to a life of crime to protect our children?!”

Sharon made an effort to furrow her brow as she nodded along. Isabel might be the only one of the women circled around her living room that actually read the damn books.

After seven weeks of zoning in and out of Isabel Matsueda’s soliloquies while nursing a chapter themed cocktail Sharon was actually a little interested in the infamous Eleanor Bishop’s memoir.

She glanced down at the book set open in her lap, flipping it to the front cover as though to absorb the contents by osmosis.

Target On My Back: My Life as a Mother In the Crosshairs of the Criminal Underworld .

Maybe she’d invest in the book on tape . She was just too distracted with… Everything else in her life right now.

Like being a witch. A Green Witch. Responsible for ushering in life.

And honoring in death.

At least that’s what Rio always said.

Sharon smiled slightly at the thought of Rio. Of all the members of her Coven it had been Rio who had embraced her.

“You are a green witch. A shepherd for the living. And a venerator of the dead,” Rio had said it so matter-of-fact as they tended to the yarrow in the plant bed behind the house that Sharon hadn’t been sure she’d heard it right. Then a flower sprung from the Green Witch’s hand. A flower she slid into the blond strands of Sharon’s hair.

“And don’t forget: you’re our green witch.”

“...Shar? Did you hear me?”

Sharon startled from the memory, cheeks burning. She turned and forced a smile as she looked at the woman who had spoken, a lithe blond woman with a perpetually tight lipped mouth.

“Hmm? Oh, yes Dot—Sarah, what is it?”

Dottie’s Sarah Procto r ’s eyes darkened as she caught the near slip of a name that was only hers in the twisted reality of the Hex. She cleared her throat and extended an arm with a mostly empty cocktail glass, dregs of milky white substance and Kahlua gathered below melting ice.

“Refill please? You’re the host, remember?” Sarah shook the glass rather aggressively and Sharon fought to keep her eyes from rolling while putting on her best valley girl smile and taking the glass.

“Sure thing hon! Another White Russian coming right up!”

Sharon flitted into the kitchen, already pulling up her phone for the proper ratios for a White Russian. Not that the White Russian itself would be proper given her distinct lack of cream, but the subbing of milk hadn’t seemed to drag down the mixture too much. She was pulling out the last of a gallon of milk, thanking Hecate they were on the Tracksuit Mafia chapter for her turn as host when she heard something that sounded like a thunderclap.

It wasn’t due to storm today, was it?!

Sharon glanced out the window, sure she saw a glimmer of red light just outside in the backyard for a fraction of a second. But what kind of lightning was red?

She shook it off, turned to go back to the recipe and….

Nearly bumped into Agatha Harkness, blue eyes steely, determined, annoyed and perhaps a bit… anxious?

“SWEET MOTHER OF THE CRAFT!”

“Where are you getting these phrases?!” Agatha growled, shaking her head.

“What are you doing here Agatha?!”

“SHAR….?” Sarah called from the other room, voice an octave higher in worry.

Agatha raised an eyebrow and mouthed ‘share’ as though having a nickname was unusual. Which for a witch without friends for three centuries, maybe it was.

“Yes, it’s endearing!” then, with a frantic glance back towards the doorway yelled: “BE BACK IN A MINUTE! JUST MADE THIS ONE A LITTLE TOO RUSSIAN!”

“How do you make it “too Russian?!” Agatha leaned back against the kitchen counter while waiting for a reply, palms facing backwards, fingers curling around the edge of the overhanging marble countertop releasing a sigh as the counter took part of her weight.

“More vodka than liquer or cream…. Not that I had cream or milk at this rate…” Sharon shook the nearly empty jug still in her hand with a sigh, then turned her own sky blue irises to Agatha. “now I repeat: what are you doing here?!”

Agatha bit her lower lip, trying to decide whether to actually answer. Her eyes bulged a second later and she lifted a hand from the countertop, waiving it frantically in front of her nose and shaking her head.

“Oh crap! Here it comes again!” Agatha leaned her head back, waving for Sharon as though there was anything Sharon could do to stop… Whatever was happening.

“Um, dear, what are you—”

"AHCHOO!"

Agatha sneezed. And something changed in the air. It did feel a bit light the atmosphere before a lightning strike. Pressurized and heavy with an undercurrent of energy. And another flash of light, this time from within the little kitchen.

This was magic instead of electrostatic energy. Sharon wondered if she had ever been in the presence of it before and had never noticed until she knew magic existed? Until she knew she was a witch?

“You’re not a witch!” Agatha groaned, grabbing a dishtowel and wiping at her nose with it.

“Wait, you can do that mind thing too?!”

“I’d need a tress from that mess,” Agatha motioned to Sharon’s hair as Sharon sighed and rolled her eyes, “But I just know how you think you demented zombie.”

“Oh, of course, you came here just to insult me,” Sharon huffed, lifting her ams and lowering them, exasperated.

Agatha sighed as well, shaking her head and pointed to something behind Sharon.

“No, I came because of that!”

Sharon swiveled, frowning to look at what Agatha was indicating.

Directly behind her, where she was preparing the next batch of cocktails, was now a large four legged goat like creature digging is horned head around in the sink, licking at plates.

Sharon did the natural thing: she screamed.

“Hey quiet down! You asked for milk, right?! I’m sure Miss Ibex has plenty she’s willing to share!”

“WHY IS THERE A GOAT IN MY KITCHEN?!”

“Ibex, not goat. From the caucusses. Now quiet down; you’re exciting them!” Agatha winced and rubbed at a spot on her stomach.

“That was not there before!” Sharon hissed, she picked up a dishtowel and flapped it at the creature from a few feet away, cowering as it frowned in confusion then dipped its head back into the sink.

“Please, inside voice! I’ve been up all night sneezing and sniffling and blowing my nose—and don’’t even get me started on this stupid post-nasal drip!" Agatha's other hand was waving through the air animatedly. "You know, Rhinitis is usually a third trimester thing but apparently these two are overachievers…” Agatha glanced down at her stomach in disdain, finger tapping gently at the right side of the curve. The skin raised slightly in response, one of the twins communicating their displeasure at either the insult or the prodding.

“Or maybe my body just thinks we’re almost done because they’re so freakin’ heavy… Doesn’t matter, I just need to stop the sneezing because when I sneeze….” Agatha extended both hands, palms up and open, and shook them at the goat.

“...Magic happens?!” Sharon asked, no longer waving the towel but still quite nervous looking at the ibex.

“Magic happens,” Agatha confirmed, slumping back against the counter with a deep sigh.”Can’t take any meds because apparently everything that’s actually effectively kills infants in a single whiff…” Her eyes perked up. “But you can help me!”

“Wait, you need me to help with magic?!” Sharon dropped the dishtowel and completely forgot about the Ibex in her kitchen, eyes widening excitedly.

Agatha’s face was twisting into a scowl, but her reply was interrupted by Sarah pushing through the double hinged doors leading to the kitchen.

“For heaven’s sake Sharon, you’re not running the Ritz back here, where the hell are our drinks--”

A few of the other women, including Isabel, were floating behind Sarah in the doorway, unable to see what she was witnessing, but yelped as they backed into her from behind. Sarah had stopped at the doorway, mouth twisting open in abject horror at the sight before her.

Agatha gave a lazy wave, and Sharon did a double take between her and the Book Club.

“Surprise guest! She really liked the book cover—purple’s her thing you know!” Sharon gave a little giggle.

“You invited this weirdo to Book Club?!” Sarah roared, looking incredulously at Sharon.

“Good to see you too, Dots.”

“My name is Sarah you…” Sarah frowned glancing from Agatha’s face to her midsection. Her very pregnant midsection. “What the hell is that?!”

“By your tone, I’m assuming we can cross you off the list of potential godparents?!”

“Who on Earth would get you… Wait, aren’t you like a thousand years—?!”

“Wanda!” Sharon squeaked an answer to Sarah’s first question, desperate to cut off the second before Agatha caught where it was going and decided to turn someone into a pile of ash. “You know how that gal likes a pregnancy storyline! And an old flame of hers. And a couple of our coven mates! The peas in that pod are a couple of real miracles!” Sharon finished in a high pitched voice.

“…What? I think Sarah means whose the father?” Another woman, Emily, squeezed into the room from behind Sarah frowned as she locked eyes on Agatha’s stomach as well.

“Death. Want to meet her?” Agatha turned to her with an expression that suggested the meeting wouldn't’ go particularly well. Emily gulped and shrunk away behind Sarah.

“...Did you just say Wanda?!”

“I was hoping you hadn’t heard me….”

“How does that even—no, you know what, get out!” Sarah made a ‘shoo’ motion with her hands, but didn’t take a step towards Agatha.

Agatha tilted her head, a wicked smirk forming.

“And if I don’t, Dottie?!”

“Sharon will kick you out! Disinvite you! And you’ll burn up in the sun!”

“Wait, is she a vampire?!” Isabel whispered to Emily from behind Sarah, Emily shrugged.

“Heard she sucked the life out of the robot and the dog,” and then, with an air of something that sounded disturbingly like longing to Sharon, she added “and poor adorable Ralphy… He’s still not recovered.”

“Bohner should cherish our time together. I’m the only 10 he’ll ever be able to land. Want to know how we spent weekends as a loving couple?! C’mere, I can show you!” Agatha’s smile was ever more wicked.

Agatha leaned forward and Sharon could see the glint of Purple forming. She hadn’t decided whether to throw herself in Agatha’s line of sight or simply call Emily’s next of kin before Agatha’s expression contorted. She squeezed her eyes shut as though in concentration, then, without warning, exploded with a sneeze that was even more thunderous than the last.

“Gesundheit!” Sharon responded reflexively. Agatha opened her mouth to respond with an equally reflexive thank you, but another sneeze caught her instead. She groaned, sniffling and wiping more insistently with the dish towel, waiting for a few seconds for another round but it didn’t come.

“Was that…. Lightning?!” Dottie lowered herself slightly as though contemplating crawling under a table.

Sharon winced as she realized that apparently whatever magic exploded into the world when Agatha sneezed wasn’t tied to her newfound perceptions of it. Or else Sarah was also becoming a witch, but what were the odds of that?

“Shar… You wouldn’t happen to have any O-neg around here, would you?” Emily’s voice was faint and unfocused.

Sharon frowned, opened her mouth to respond, then found she didn’t really know how to respond to that sentence.

“Or B. Or A. Really any kind of red stuff?!” Emily added, almost whining.

“Em, why are you being weir—” Isabel began, frustrated, but Emily’s hands were suddenly around her throat.

Emily’s eyes wide, her breathing heavy and hungry.

Or thirsty.

The blond woman’s mouth were now open, her eyes bloodshot with slitted pupils, and she was attempting to close the distance between what Sharon could see were glinting pristine white fangs and Isabel’s neck. Isabel was trying desperately to keep Emily from doing just that, and losing the battle as her hands pressed to Emily’s forehead.

“Shit. I think I sneezed her into vampirism,” Agatha sighed, raising one arm in an ‘oh well’ shrug.

“ Repariere si e ! ” Sharon yelled. She blinked, glancing down as though looking for the words that had flown from her mouth.

Because that was not the language she intended them to be in. She had very much meant to say ‘fix her’. But whatever words came out appeared to be in… German?

Sarah glanced back to Emily and Isabel, looking like some gothic horror art piece. Then t o Sharon, who was muttering under her breath in German about not understanding why she was speaking in German . T hen to the Ibex, which cho se just then to bleat and begin licking at an open bottle of Kahlua. Finally, her eyes swiveled to Agatha Harkness.

“Oh absolutely not!” Sarah said firmly, more to herself than anyone else. She stepped far enough into the room to grab the last of the prepared White Russian cocktails from the counter, downed it in three large gulps, then dashed out of the room.

Sharon was still staring dumbfounded after her, the sound of screeching tires faint in her ears when Agatha began inhaling sharply and flailing her arms again.

“Ooohhh…. Round three!” a half second later she sneezed crimson and thunder.

E mily coughed and gagged, then spit out fangs that had formerly been a part of her mouth. She winced, poking at her now normal sized canines and then looked at Agatha with the same amount of horror as Sarah seconds earlier.

She scrambled to her feet and dashed out the door, Isabel hot on her heels.

"Da geht der Buchclub … Warum spreche ich Deutsch?!“

“I heard ‘gesundheit’ and just thought…. Hey, wouldn’t that be funny?!” Agatha had the decency to look a little embarrassed.

“ G OTTVERDAMMT ! ” Sharon turned her head up towards the roof and screamed. After she calmed down, she turned to Agatha, tapping her foot impatiently. “ Repariere mich auch ! !”

“...Soooo, I learned a bit of Flemish in the 1830s but that’s about all—I can’t tell if you’re telling me my hair is nice or you’re coming for the Rhineland. I’m going to assume the former because, how could you not love it , but—”

“ Ach, verpiss di ch !” Sharon sighed, pressing hands to her forehead. “Ich glaub ich spinne….” I think I’m spider. A phrase that Sharon had never before uttered in her life, but that seemed to jump out at her. She wondered if it was German?

“Yeah… So, I need some stinging nettles . You know those cute little leafs with the needles? I’ve heard you’re actually a little good at… herbology,” Agatha huffed, a little aggravated as though recalling something, “...Or whatever it is you do with my wi f —with Rio.”

“ Lieben und husten lassen sich nicht verbergen, Agatha ,” Sharon chided. Love and coughing cannot be hidden . How many German phrases had Agatha’s mystical sneeze planted in the fertile soil of her mind?

Judging by Agatha’s scowl, she caught the gist of this one.

“ You want to maybe stop rambling and put together a cup of tea, fraulein ! ? You understand me, right ? Or is it all bratwurst up there now?” Agatha asked, searching Sharon’s face for confirmation that she was successfully parsing her own words.

Sharon rolled her eyes and nodded.

“ Manchmal wünschte ich, ich würde dich nicht verstehen! Aber ja, Rio hat mir einiges beigebracht… Sie ist nett, weißt du. Viel netter als d u . ”

Sometimes I wish I didn't understand you! But yes, Rio has been teaching me things… She’s nice, you know. Way nicer than you.

Sharon grumbled, feeling some sense of freedom suddenly. She spent more than her fair share of time trying to navigate the subtle complexities of the coven, while simultaneously trying to fit into a world that was as alien to her as… Well, aliens.

But now, speaking in words that couldn’t be understood it was easier to talk with Agatha, somehow. And besides….

Sharon’s eyes swiveled to the bump, Agatha’s hand returned to absentmindedly stroking it.

Shepherd of life.

“I think I heard a Rio in there. Yeah, she knows Green Witch stuff and even though you are not a green witch…. You might have enough of a green thumb. I need to shut down this carhorn,” Agatha tapped her nose and then traipsed over to Sharon , tapping her gently on the shoulder and looking at her with eyes puppy dog wide and pleading. “ Help a gal out?!”

Sharon sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Mancher kubst die Hand, die er abhauen mochte,” which Sharon thought meant something like ‘many kiss the hand they would like to chop off.” But Agatha just beamed and nodded approvingly.

“Great! Let’s get moving!"

Whether Rio had actually complimented her or Agatha was just leaning in because she wanted the tea Sharon couldn’t be sure. It didn’t matter: Sharon had the utmost confidence the little bit of time she had spent in the garden with Rio was paying off in spades.

It really did seem like her entire garden was more lush and vibrant, and the nettle leaf, ginger, yarrow and chamomile tea she now swirled into a wonderful smelling mixture was a reflection of the progress of both her plants and ability to cultivate them.

She finished steeping the mixture and filled two saucers full of tea, carefully walking to the kitchen table where Agatha sat, inhaling the snacks that Sharon had prepared for the Book Club. Sharon had been direct in telling Agatha she wanted to keep Agatha’s mouth busy doing anything other than talking. Of course she’d spoken in German so Agatha just thought she was sweetly offering an assortment of finger foods including graham crackers, cheeses and fruits.

“ Book Club, huh? You know I used to have one with a few of the gals on the Upper West Side when I lived in New York?” Agatha murmured wistfully, popping a grape into her mouth.

“ Was ist passiert? Man wird zu alt zum Lesen ? ” Sharon asked with a smirk. What happened, you get too old to read?

Agatha glanced up at her, trying to decipher the question without the aid of mutually understood language, then sighed.

“Priestly and Mirabella got into a…. tiff. Or carried a tiff over from the publishing world—Runway may not have been Vogue, but it was a lot closer than Grace’s stab at it,” Agatha sighed wistfully, leaning slightly towards her side in an attempt to stretch her torso and give the babies inside her more room to maneuver and hopefully avoid her bladder.

Sharon leaned forward, somehow finding herself drawn in, passing Agatha another graham cracker as she spoke.

“It was fun of course. While it lasted. More fun than I expected, honestly. Spending time with the kind of broads that would actually get into a fight instead of all the wallflowers…. I wonder why I never found witches of the same caliber?” Agatha mused, teeth sinking into the cracker.

Sharon was by now familiar with what happened to the witches of any caliber that crossed Agatha’s path. She thought about pointing out that Agatha herself tended to end the fights, but decided it would be better to just nod sympathetically.

“But too many powerful ladies in a club never works out well. You’re gonna have to wrap this thing up too, Helga!”

Sharon sighed. She’d been thinking the same thing. If she wasn’t half a sleep during the meetings she was thinking about the next time she would be with the coven. She’d thought of inviting them, of course, but she expected it would devolve into… Well, what it had devolved to with Agatha there today.

No, her book club could not handle the Westview Coven.

“ Helga ist nicht einmal in der Nähe !“ Sharon murmured after a beat. She’d figure out what to do about the club later.

“Pretty sure I understood that one!”

“Ich wünschte, du würdest das nicht tun.” I wish you wouldn’t do that. Sharon admitted voice quiet despite knowing Agatha wouldn’t understand her.

Agatha stared blankly, moving to grip a graham cracker. She brushed a hand through brown locks, then frowned.

“You know… I could probably grab a bit of that awful bob of yours and….” Agatha trailed off as her fingers twirled her own hair.

“Seit wann willst du wissen, was ich sage?!“ Since when do you want to know what I say?!

“Ah, never mind. Not important now that I’ve got my tea!” Agatha reached up, eyes lit up as she wiggled her fingers in a ‘gimme’ motion.

Sharon sighed and set a cup down in front of her. Agatha immediately lifted it free, wafting the aroma towards herself with one hand.

“Oh! I can feel it clearing my sinuses already! Not half bad for a half dead housewife!” Agatha nodded towards her, approving.

Sharon was puffing up her chest despite herself, pulling her own cup to her face and inhaling the scent.

She almost didn’t catch the next words.

“….Pretty good, witch.”

Sharon felt like her heart stopped. Had she really heard…? She lifted blue eyes, shimmering with slight moisture to look at Agatha. Agatha saw her expression and lowered the finger sandwich she was holding inches from her mouth, glancing at Sharon curiously.

“ Meintest du das?! Du hältst mich für eine Hexe ?!”

It shouldn’t have been important to her that Agatha had just referred to her as a witch. But dammit it was!

Agatha continued frowning for a few seconds more, before her eyes darted down to the finger food. A silent click of her tongue in recognition. She turned with a look of halfhearted apology and wiggled the sandwich.

“Er, sorry, I was complimenting the ham and cheese… Nice sandwich. Language barriers, huh?”

Sharon’s heart was beating again. And the blood it was pumping was making her feel like her body was going to light on fire. For that matter, she might light Agatha on fire. She had never before thought she’d be contemplating strangling a pregnant woman before but here she was.

“ WILLST DU VERARSCHEN?! Ich hab dir gerade deinen Tee gemacht! Ich mache immer Tee und Snacks und was du sonst noch brauchst! Was auch immer der Zirkel braucht, und klar, sie sind nett dabei! Ich mag diese Mädels, wir verstehen uns wirklich gut, nur dass mich am Ende des Tages wegen dir keiner akzeptiert! Obwohl ich dir technisch gesehen geholfen habe, selbst als du nicht wusstest, was du auf der Straße tust! Und du hast nie Danke gesagt! Wobei, okay, ich verstehe, so etwas tust du nicht. Aber kannst du nicht einfach mal so tun, als ob du wenigstens meinen Namen kennst?! Du kannst denken, ich bin komisch oder nervig oder was auch immer, aber ich gebe mir mein Bestes! Ich lerne noch und … Fick dich, ich BIN eine Hexe! “

Agatha stared her mouth still chewing.

Sharon breathed in and out heavily, hands balled into fists. She hadn’t realized she had shot to her feet until just then. She sighed and lowered herself back into her seat while she waited for Agatha’s no doubt pithy and dismissive response.

“Gesundheit.”

Sharon dipped a finger into her tea, found that it was only a little warm now. Not great for drinking, but perfect for what she had in mind.

She moved in the blink of an eye, pulling the cup off the table and hurling the contents straight at Agatha with a satisfying splash.

“AH!” Agatha squealed, shaking herself and wiping at her face as tea dribbled down her front. She squeezed open an eye from behind the towel she was using to glare at Sharon, who leaned back smugly in her chair.

“Health!” Sharon said in English.

“Touche.” Agatha growled. A familiar expression colored her features a moment later and she jerked to a stop in wiping her face.

“ Warte! Nies mich nicht in eine Katze! ”

Sharon didn’t know why she expected Agatha’s next sneeze to turn her into a cat, but it was worth begging for mercy.

“AHCHOO!”

Scarlet lightning and mystical energy shuddered through the space in a flash. Sharon had squeezed her eyes shut in panic, but when she opened them and looked down at her hands (relieved to see they were not paws) she realized nothing seemed to be amiss.

“What did you do that time—Oh, wait I’m back to the King’s English! Dank Gott !”

“Well look whose back...” Agatha grumbled, rubbing soothing circles over her stomach. Sharon chuckled and began to pick up the plates and saucers. Her appetizers had been no match for Agatha’s appetite and they were devoid of all but crumbs.

“I think that might be the last one for today… Never let a Chaos witch get you pregnant, Shar,” Agatha muttered as she began to hoist herself up.

“I’ll change my to do list—” Sharon chuckled. Then she frowned, frozen over the sink. Something about the last sentence seemed… Off.

Shar ?

As in short for Sharon?

Her name?! Her actual real honest to Goddess’ given birth name?!

Sharon turned faster than a centrifuge. Agatha had made her way to the door leading out of the house. As Sharon watched, she turned with a tight lipped expression that wasn’t quite a smile.

“ Gute Nacht, wir sehen uns beim nächsten Buchclubtreffen, Shar, “ Agatha said in perfect German. Her left eye closed in a wink.

And then she was gone.

The green witch smiled in her wake.

Maybe she’d keep Book Club going after all.

Chapter Text

Wanda Maximoff snored.

And not in an cute little inhale of breath followed by a cartoon memememememe.

But full throated (nosed?), train barreling down the tracks, 80 decibel lawnmower loud snores.

Rio lay propped upon an elbow, brown eyes stern as she watched Wanda intake another lungful of air in the peak of REM sleep.

Agatha lay on her back between them, fit so snugly it was as though she were molded into position, her hand lay over Wanda’s, which was on her stomach. Rio’s eyes tracked down, tracing the delicate digits of Wanda’s fingers to her hand and arm, draped haphazardly over Agatha in sleep as she lay on her side, head nestled near to Agatha’s.

“She’s keeping you up,” Rio murmured, trying to sound disgruntled in the statement but not being able to muster up the emotion.

As loud as the rumbling that escaped from Wanda’s throat was, the concept itself was still rather adorable.

“It’s not her,” Agatha replied with a sigh. Her eyes were closed but she squeezed Wanda’s hand gently with her own resting hand, her free hand moving to brush up against the side of Rio’s visage as though she’d memorized the precise place where Rio lay. Which, given it was their normal arrangement, was likely.

Rio didn’t sleep but she could lay as still as the dead, and if any thought passed through her mind as she lay next to Agatha and Wanda it was never powerful enough to cross the psychic chasm. Or else Wanda had never commented upon them.

“You’re pregnant and she’s being loud and obnoxious and—”

“Oh would you give it a rest? We can all see how adorable you find her. You look at her like you used to look at Scratchy.”

“….He was a good gift, right?” Rio’s teeth tugged at her bottom lip as nerves raced through her at the memory of gifting Agatha the rabbit. Shortly after Nicky….

“The best. Anyway, like I said: it’s not her.”

“Well she’s still loud.”

Wanda released a loud groaning sniffle and then squeezed tighter to Agatha.

Like she's some type of stuffed toy! Rio thought indignantly.

“And don’t pretend you don’t love a loud witch either," Agatha finally replied after a beat, slight smirk coloring her lips.

“Point taken,” Rio slid her hand from beneath her arm, letting it flow through the strands of brown of Agatha’s hair and that vibrant streak of silver that marked her as returned to the land of the living.

“Life. Things yet to be.”

“The babies?”

Agatha twisted her head to face Rio, opening her own eyes eyes.

“I keep thinking I shouldn’t have… We shouldn’t have done this…. You said it was impossible before, even with your magic. I didn’t listen then and now—”

“Improbable. I said it’s improbable that Green and Purple could create genuine life. But then after all those centuries searching… you went and found Scarlet. What are the odds but what she,” Rio tilted her head towards Wanda, “wants them to be?”

Agatha nodded slowly. They’d been through it before. They would probably go through it again. Probably at least once a week until the children entered the world. And then until they reached the age of majority.

“I just wish I knew. Like you know.”

Agatha’s finger twirled along a strand of pitch black hair as she gazed into Rio’s eyes, her lip set to ward off a quiver which would inevitably lead to a sob.

Rio brought her hand from Agatha’s mane and traced over the soft flesh of her lower lip, leaning forward, inexorably close.

“I don’t see it like you think. Everyone’s Time runs out before my eyes, but it’s all a kaleidoscope of possibility until the moment. I never know until then what possibility has materialized into reality.”

The pale hand against Rio’s cheek went limp. Fell to Agatha’s side.

“So you don’t know? Now, about—”

Rio squeezed her eyes shut, cursing herself for falling into the trap. She opened them again with a sigh, wondering how she could promise that every part of the life she was building with Agatha and Wanda and the rest of their little coven and the ridiculous(ly adorable) abominations she had shirked the responsibilities of Goddesshood for, would be just fine. Perfect.

But she couldn’t find the words.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”

They both startled at the third voice. Wanda, eyes parting groggily, curled her lips into a tired smile as her hand stroked lazy circles over Agatha’s tummy.

Agatha exhaled through her nostrils in a noise that wasn’t quite a snort, but nodded, closing her eyes.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

For that night, at least, it was enough.

Agatha closed her eyes and faded into slumber.

That was feel good, gooey, romcom bullshit .

“Ah!” Wanda winced as Agatha’s voice hammered through her mind. A direct thought-based assault on her magic.

“Er, moms… Did you here? I think it’s time Tommy chose like a specialty or whatever.” Billy glanced uncertainly between Wanda, now rubbing her temples, and Agatha, shifting her gaze between the sizzling bacon on the stove and Wanda. Rio set a plate overladen with fluffy pancakes down in the middle of the table to add to the smorgasbord of breakfast foodstuffs including scones, beans, toast, eggs and tomatoes.

“Oooh! Can I be green too?! It’s the dopest color!”

“No.” Rio said succinctly. She stabbed a fork into a pancake slid it down onto her plate. She reached over for a spoonful of eggs and by the time she redirected her attention to the plate the pancake was gone. She turned to Tommy with a glare, and he stuck his tongue out.

“You still have pancake on your tongue, dude!” Billy laughed, covering his eyes in disgust.

“Atha, what’s wrong?” Wanda slid out of her seat and crossed warily towards Agatha, trying to remember the trick to steeling her mind against intrusive thoughts, which apparently worked for therapy and as a defense against psychic assaults.

“All those fancy words last night! You were just trying to get me to sleep.”

“I meant it! I would never let anything—”

“UGH! You’re both so egotistical cause you were born with reality altering cosmic power!” Agatha pinched the bridge of her nose and inhaled sharply. She released the breath slowly, glancing over to see Tommy and Billy looking at her with wide eyes, Rio strolling towards her and feeling Wanda’s hand rub her arm up and down gently.

“Babe…”

“Forget it! Breakfast—don’t worry I’m just hormonal because you shoved a baby into me! And Tommy, you can’t choose the path of your craft, it chooses you. Now eat!” Agatha waved her hands dismissively. The plates shuddered slightly. Billy and Tommy glanced at one another, aware Agatha's magic was rather... excitable these days, and obediently began to shovel food into their mouths, but Billy peeked up from his plate occasionally.

The doorbell rang before Rio could press.

“Got it!” Agatha chirped immediately, throwing off the apron and bustling for the door. She threw Tommy a stay put glare, knowing he was often racing to the door to avoid high pressure situations.

Wanda edged closer to Rio and they watched as their partner left for the door.

Agatha opened the door, not bothering to wipe her bothered expression from her face.

“You look like hell, Harkness.”

“Lilia?!” Agatha frowned as she looked the Divination witch up and down, confused by her presence. Her expression soured slightly as she glanced past her towards the driveway.

Lilia’s beat up Ford Pinto sat alone in the front carport. Agatha titled her head, glancing back to Lilia suspiciously.

“Where are Moe and Curly?”

“If you mean Alice and Jen, Alice is working because you know she can’t stop since she got her badge back and Jen said something about needing to undergo a preemptive purification ritual before talking to you because your very presence is poison!”

Agatha was still readying a retort, internally reflecting that Jen’s jab was pretty good, when Billy and Tommy brushed past her through the space left between herself and the door in the doorway, nearly bowling Lilia over as they rushed towards their own car parked at the curb.

“HEY! Boys, where the hell are you two going?!”

Lilia arched an eyebrow.

“School, would be my guess.”

“Yeah, see ya later Ags!” Tommy said through a mouthful of bacon.

“Rio told us to tell you ‘The Christmas Lights’ went to the Doctor!” Billy said, slipping into the driver’s seat.

Agatha was still shaking her head in confusion and disbelief when Billy’s car, Pleiades, revved to life and a split second later raced off.

“...The Christmas Lights?”

“Green and Scarlet?” Agatha gave Lilia a what else would you call them look. Lilia snorted.

“You could try something a little more romantic, maybe?”

“….Like what? Stoplights? Bellpeppers? Mario and Luigi?”

“Don’t bring Italians into this!”

“You never answered what you’re doing here.”

“What do you mean?! This was your idea!”

Agatha frowned, searching through her memory.

Then, it clicked. She gave a short gasp as the memory of inviting Lilia to discuss the Saining ran through her mind.

“Oh. Forget it. I changed my mind. No Saining.” Agatha replied breezily, beginning to push the door closed. Lilia’s palm impacted against it with enough force to knock it from its hinges. She glowered at the taller woman, eyes hard and focused.

“What do you mean forget it?! You drag me out here on Beef Wellington Wednesday at the Borgata—”

“Beef what at the where—?!”

“To prepare you for the Wiccaning of the century for those two babies that are sure to be beyond adorable despite fighting through impossible odds by having you as a mother, and now you want to just… Call it off?! I don’t think so, Harkness!”

“You know, if Wife Number 1 and Wife Number 2 are both gonna call me Harkness then you have to come up with something original, Lils!”

“How about my new thing is shoving a crystal ball up your—”

“Shhhh! Enough already, the neighbors will hear you! And if you want to get kinky we better take it inside anyway.”

Lilia groaned and sighed all at once. How was it that Agatha could always find new and exciting ways to annoy and frustrate her and the rest of the coven?!

She didn’t bother to protest as Agatha motioned for her to follow along after her to the living room.

“Seriously, what is with the change of heart?”

“…. It’s not a change of heart. I just… Don’t see the need to get all prepared,” Agatha plopped down on the sofa, sliding her legs sidelong against the cushions languidly. Her hand floated towards her stomach, but stopped as though jolted before touching it. She instead placed her hand against her leg, palm down and grasping round her shin. She bit her lower lip even as she did so.

Lilia could read the body language like words in a book.

“What’s got you worried, dear?” Lilia made her way to Agatha slowly, as though afraid the other witch might leap up and dash from the room if she approached too quickly. Which was a possibility, Lilia supposed. Agatha’s eyes were suddenly wide and worried, though Lilia got the sense it was less to do with her original apprehension, and more with sharing it with Lilia.

“Nothing!” Agatha squeaked, confirming Lilia’s suspicions.

Lilia slid to a seat on the stool frowning sliding her fingers through her many more grey strands as she assessed the pregnant Purple witch. Agatha averted her gaze momentarily, then made a show of picking at the strands of hair clinging to her knee length black skirt.

“Agatha, use your words or I’ll just take a gander at the future and tell you what you’re inevitably going to tell me or…” Lilia rolled her eyes before adding: “the Christmas Lights.”

“Oh, so now your whole divination shtick works like—” Agatha froze, a spark of realization hitting her. Her legs left the sofa as she leaned forward, suddenly excited. “Wait! Divination…. Lilia, that’s perfect!”

“I can’t give you the winning lottery numbers, Hark—”

Agatha was shaking her head, mouth scrunched up in worry of actually saying what she wanted. Of hearing Lilia’s inevitable judgment. Or worse, a rejection of the idea for its impossibility. Her hands were pressed to her stomach, one folded over the other.

She wasn’t sure if she imagined it, but sometimes she could swear she felt the pulsing of life inside her. So much of her focus was on spiraling her magic—the Purple she was born with, and the tinges of Green and Scarlet that had wormed their way into her being since becoming the incubator for these miraculous children— away from them, that she could never be sure when she thought she felt the life forces push back.

“That’s not… I was thinking…” Agatha trailed off. Her shoulders slumping. It was ridiculous, wasn’t it? To ask to see children that hadn’t been born?

And then all at once, Lilia understood.

“You want to see the future… Their future?”

Agatha’s blue eyes turned up, pleading, to meet hazel irises.

“… It’s ridiculous, I just…”

Lilia’s hand crossed the distance between them. Clasping to Agatha’s before she could process the movement herself. Agatha’s eyes widened at the familiarity in the touch. Lilia and Agatha merely tolerated one another. Agatha thought the idea that Lilia would actually help her to assuage impossible fears…

She wasn’t the kind of witch who would do that, so why would Lilia be?

“...You’re pretty soft, huh, Harkness?” Lilia teased with a knowing twinkle in her eyes, and Agatha briefly wondered if perhaps she could also slip into Agatha’s mind like Wanda and Billy could.

“It’s something I’ve been wondering. Something I can’t stop wondering. If I could just know that they were… I don’t need a biography I just need…” She trailed off, not able to put it into words.

“I know,” Lilia replied quietly. Her shoulders slumped. “But… I can’t help you. You know I can’t control my…. Sight. If I could I would tell you every wonderful moment you’re sure to have with them, but the most I can do is….” Lilia perked up suddenly, smiling.

“You know, I bet I could take your mind off the doom and gloom!”

“...I don’t like that look….”

Lilia reached forward, hand sliding into Agatha’s hair. Agatha’s eyes widened in surprise, wondering whether she had given Lilia the wrong idea when—

“OW! Motherfu-!” Agatha reached up to rub at her temple a split second after Lila pulled her hand away, triumphant, holding a few strands of chestnut hair, detached from the root with expert precision. She glared at Lilia, still rubbing the spot where her hair had been yanked out.

“One of mom’s, annnnnnd….” Lilia reached up and slipped her fingers around a few strands of her own grey locks, wincing as she tore a few loose at the scalp, “….one of the seer's!”

She twined the hairs together. Agatha felt a familiar thrum of magic as her and Lilia’s hair became bound for whatever Lilia had planned.

“You better not be about to get me more pregnant.” Agatha deadpanned.

“Oh please. Eight is enough.”

“WHAT?! You have how many-”

“Did you think you were the only one with a womb in this coven?! Now shush and give me that fancy ring of yours!”

Agatha opened her mouth again to protest, but Lilia had already grabbed round the ring—a brooding midnight black attached to Agatha’s middle finger which shimmered with a red and green Triquetria when the light struck it just right—and tugged it free. Wanda and Rio had crafted the ring with their combined magics and placed it on the finger of a dead witch not too long ago.

“...That stabilizes the magic. I’ll need it.” Agatha muttered, but she was too curious to put up much of a fight.

Lilia hummed and nodded, tying the interwoven hairs around the ring. She beamed at the hastily assembled pendulum as it swayed lazily back and forth.

“Now lay down.”

“I repeat: you better not be trying to impregnate me!” But Agatha sighed and slowly tilted her body backwards until she was laying flat on her back on the sofa.

“I can’t show you these little ones… But I can show you a little about them!”

“How are you going to do that?” Agatha tilted her neck to glance down at Lilia, who nudged at the hands clasped over the slope of her belly. Agatha removed her hands and Lilia next tugged her shirt up.

“Back and forth for a boy, circles for a girl!” Lilia explained, laying a hand softly against Agatha’s bare stomach before hoisting the ring up and over her abdomen.

“...Oh, pseudoscience.”

“Eight times. Not one miss! And that’s just for me!”

“Do Alice and Kale know you’re half rabbit?!”

“Here we go!” Lilia ignored the jab and balled the ring up into her fist, then released it, letting the string hang it freely over Agatha’s stomach. Agatha tried not to tense despite feeling like this entire event was absurd.

“…I hate to be a downer, but did you forget there are two little bundles of joy in here? How are we supposed to tell which one is—”

“Shhhhh!” Lilia placed a finger to her lips, then smiled as the ring swayed from side to side. “Divino!” Lilia added. Agatha felt the mystical energy pulse through her and the room. She gasped despite herself, glancing to see the ring perfecting a little too perfect of a sway from side to side over her belly.

“That’s a boy,” Lilia said, smiling wide enough to crinkle her eyes at Agatha.

Agatha Harkness melted.

She pulled her hand to her face to cover her eyes before Lilia could see the tears forming at their edge.

She sat silently like that for more than a few minutes. Lilia waited patiently, hand rubbing against Agatha's knee reassuringly.

“Well… Whose next then?!” Agatha said, voice thick with emotion after a few minutes. Lilia smiled but didn’t say anything.

It took a few moments for Agatha to fully regain her composure, and when she next locked eyes with Lilia, they were soft and inviting.

“Shall we see?” Lilia answered with an equally soft voice.

Agatha rolled her hands forward in a motion to continue, and Lilia released the chain from her balled up hand once more, repeating the incantation in tandem.

Agatha nearly gasped as the pendulum swirled around like a swing carousel over her middle, swirling far too precisely for it to be a result of any ordinary physical phenomena.

A girl .

Agatha leapt up and before Lilia could think of stopping her, embraced the seer in a tight hug, nuzzling against her shoulder with wet cheeks.

“...If you ever want someone to have your ninth kid…”

“I’m good, Agatha!” Lilia laughed.

Agatha pulled away with a smirk familiar to anyone that lay on in front of her twisted brand of humor.

“Well good, because I was going to volunteer Bohner!” Agatha patted Lilia’s shoulder another couple of times as though to confirm the moment had settled.

“You’re feeling better then?”

“I told you: I wasn’t upset….” Agatha’s mouth formed a crooked smile, “But… Thank you anyway.”

“Sure, sure. Here’s your ring.”

“So. How many of your progeny have Alice and Kale met?”

Lilia groaned. “I’m going to regret having mentioned that, aren’t I?”

“Until the day you die, Calderu!”

Chapter Text

The secret to being a good Sorcerer Supreme (okay, a good apprentice to the Sorcerer Supreme— Wong still had the title he had gained by default in Stephen’s BLIP induced absence) was preparation.

For instance: because one didn’t know when the next time a dark dimensional entity would be summoned from the abyss seeking destruction of all mankind, it was best to have a series of interweaving barriers and protection spells maintained around the Sanctum at all times.

And internal redundancies in case several were to fail at once.

And, finally, if all else failed, a psychic alarm bell that would feel like a blade sliding between the two hemispheres of his brain when none of these precautions served to stop whatever terror was imminent, so that he would at least be able to prep the field and get a good look at what was trying to kill him and/or all of humanity before it struck a blow.

So it was more than a little unsettling when Stephen Strange felt the magical protections dissipate. When the painful warning never reverberated through his skull.

It was less like something had broken through, and more like it all just… Died.

Right as he and Wong were bickering over a game of Scrabble that Stephen was winning*. And then suddenly two witches were standing next to them. One who they recognized but wish they didn’t, and one who they didn’t recognize, but somehow felt they knew.

Rio twirled her athame like a baton, leaning against the crackling fireplace. Wanda was suddenly self conscious of being in jeans and t-shirt, and raised her hands in a little wave.

“Hi Stephen… Can we talk?!”

Stephen and Wong stared at the two women for a moment.

Then scrambled up and towards the weapon room.

Of course !

The idea had struck Wanda over breakfast.

Seeing Agatha so tense with apprehension about an unknowable future.

And yet to Wanda it felt certain. She had already been to hell and back. What could possibly stop her from protecting Agatha and the twins? The entire coven, for that matter.

She was the nexus of chaos. She would never need to worry about avenging anyone again, because she would never lose anyone again.

And that was before Rio came into the picture. Death had already failed to stop Wanda from building herself a happy life on more than one occasion.

Before meeting the Green Witch she’d never considered maybe that was because Death was one of the people that belonged in that perfect life she had imagined for herself.

If only Agatha could understand: together nothing could hurt them. If only she could show Agatha what was so clear to her green eyes.

And then the idea hit her like a lightning bolt.

Wanda edged closer to Rio and they watched as their partner left for the door.

“She’s worried. I don’t want her to worry.” Wanda murmured. Rio glanced to her, eyes carrying an undercurrent of anxiety.

“You think I do?!”

“I think it would help if we could all see the kaleidoscope.”

Rio frowned, before the memory of her conversation with Agatha the night before floated back to her. Her inability to assuage Agatha’s fears over losing the twins as she had lost…

No, as Rio had taken Nicky.

“I...Would show it to you….both of you...If I could.”

“Maybe you can. With some help.”

Rio cocked her head to the side.

“My power doesn’t play well with other witches, Maximoff.”

“Maybe not other witches. But what about a sorcerer?”

“AGH!” Wong swung a large battle axe, no doubt enchanted in some way, down towards Rio. The blade disintegrated centimeters from Rio’s hair.

Stephen muttered an incantation and waved his arms to direct a collection of swords and spears lining the walls towards Wanda. Wanda sighed and shook her head. The weapons shimmered red then burst into harmless butterflies.

“…. Right, this isn’t going to go anywhere is it?” Stephen sighed, shoulders slumping as he traded looks with Wong, who nodded and dropped the hilt that had once had an axehead attached.

“But of course, if the Scarlet Witch wanted us dead, we would be dead already…. Right?” Wong asked, not quite able to keep the apprehension from his voice.

“Exactly. And if not me….” Wanda trailed off but threw a sideways glance to Rio, who was still leaning casually against the fireplace.

Stephen looked from Wanda to Rio. Arched an eyebrow at her, then hurriedly looked away. Something about that witch was not right.

“Good to see you again, Stephen Strange.” Rio spoke in a drawl that Wanda could swear was almost a touch affectionate. She would never describe it as warm, but at least it felt familiar.

“Have we met?!”

“Yes. Many times. Or, I suppose just once, repeatedly. Or maybe never at all.”

“I prefer Sudoku to riddles,” Stephen scoffed, then leaning to Wong, raising a hand to prevent being overheard, he whispered: “Do you remember her?”

Wong was clearly wracking his brain but couldn’t come up with anything as he shook his head.

“I’m pretty sure I’d remember her.”

“It was a real revolving door for a while, what with you constantly offering Dormammu a bargain.”

Stephen frowned. He was certain there was no one else in the Dark Dimension when Dormammu had made his attempt to cross from there to Earth, and destroy the entire world. It was just him, the Time Stone and lots and lots of dea—

“...No!” Stephen whispered in a hushed voice. Wong glanced to him confused. Rio nodded smugly.

“Like I said: good to see you again.”

Wanda glanced between the two of them but buried the questions she had, instead opting to clear her throat and address the subject she had sought him out for.

“I’m glad you two know each other! Because we need your help…. To harness Rio’s magic.”

“You mean Death’s magic?!”

“Wait, Death?! No, Stephen, that is clearly a Green Witch!”

“The Green Witch, actually.” Rio drawled and the blood drained from Wong’s face.

“You realize the last time we met you went on a multiversal killing spree trying to capture and steal the power of a teenager?! And now you want me to help you harness the power of Death itself?!”

“….Well… Yes… How is America, by the way?” Wanda reddened. She’d thought about the issue before now, of course. Had been a little too embarrassed by her actions to actually reach out directly, but since finding her way back to Westview, and Agatha’s coven, she’d tried her best to make amends from afar.

“In school. And she’s received your gift baskets which I really wish you’d run by me first? You can’t just give her tickets to artists that don’t even exist in this universe!”

“Did you all like Dazzler?!”

“That’s not the point!” Stephen said through gritted teeth.

Wong gave Wanda a thumbs up from behind Stephen, winking and forming an “OK” sign with his hand. When Stephen glanced to him he had returned to giving Wanda a stern expression. Wanda fought the smile and nodded.

“Kids are easy, huh?” Rio mused.

“When the twins are teens we’ll spoil them rotten!” Wanda whispered.

Stephen’s eyes bulged.

“Wait, the twins?! Did you kidnap your kids again?!”

“No! Billy and Tommy are back but they weren’t kidnapped… It’s a long story….” Wanda was feeling distinctly uncomfortable under Stephen’s eyes bluegreen interrogating glare. She shifted her weight between her feet, trying to figure out how to extract what she needed and not reveal more than necessary about her life. Not because she wasn’t happy to share how happy she was with anyone, but because she wasn’t the only person who had a say in the matter.

“But wait… They are teens, so… Whose twins are you talking about?!”

“Ours and Agatha’s,” Rio said before Wanda could stop her. She shrugged as Wanda gave her an exasperated look.

“Who the hell is ‘Agatha?’”

“Harkness.”

“Rio!”

“Sorry, Harkness-Maximoff-Vidal or. Vidal-Maximoff-Harkness…. Or—”

“That’s not the problem!” Wanda hissed, trying to put a finger to Rio’s lips even as she looked back towards Stephen and Wong with panic.

“Apparently you’re married, but you just said her name,” Stephen pointed to Rio, “was Rio so….” Stephen glanced to Wanda’s hands, her right ring finger adorned with a silver ring that would have likely drawn all of his attention had it not been for the other ring on Wanda’s right middle finger: a black ring that hummed with power, a sliver of violet energy seemed to slither beneath the sleek obsidian like material. He could feel the thrum of mystical energy reverberated in the space, and he glanced to Rio where he felt it power circle oscillate. Her crossed arms covered her hands but he could imagine another black ring pulsing with a related spell slid over her middle finger.

Where some truly ancient civilizations set the symbols for their lifelong bondage.

“How many wives do you have?”

“Zero, just yet,” Wanda said, throwing a dirty look Rio’s way, but cut Stephen off before he could argue that the evidence suggested otherwise “...but I guess you could say two are in progress.

Wong stepped forward, rage bubbling below the surface of his normally stoic expression.

“….You are betrothed to Agatha Harkness?!” He hissed, causing Wanda to startle and even Rio to look a little wary.

“Is that a bad thing?” Stephen asked, turning to Wong.

“Yes! Agatha Harkness is the most monstrous, vile and despicable witch to have ever walked the Earth!”

“Watch it.” Rio’s eyes were cold as she took a step forward. Wanda felt her panic reach fever pitch and she stepped between them, waving her arms to deescalate the situation. She was not here to kill the Sorcerer Supreme.

“I know you’ve probably heard a lot about her murdering witches, summoning demons, throwing dance parties with the dead, and insider trading et cetera…. But she’s changed! Well, sort of… She’s mostly just not starved of magic so long as she can feed on me, so she’s less megalomaniacal and more….like… Er….”

“Domesticated?” Stephen offered.

Rio snorted, but her eyes lit up and she was no longer looking like she was ready to fight Wong. “Please call her that when you meet her, Stephen. She would just love that terminology!”

Wong however, was looking confused by Wanda’s statement rather than understanding.

“What? Killing witches? I don’t know about any of that—I just know she always skips out when the bill for karaoke comes! And she never let’s me do any Dolly Parton!”

“Yeah. They’ve got beef.” Rio explained, fully deflating now that she understood Wong’s own beef with Agatha.

“Okay, so to recap: you’re apparently having out of wedlock twins with a real witch of a woman by the name of Agatha Harkness and that means you bring Death to my doorstep… Why?!” Stephen asked, massaging his temples with two fingers of each hand as he tried to sort through the nightmare that awaited.

Wanda lowered her arms, sure the danger between Wong and Rio had passed, and put on her best smile.

“I want you to use sorcery to help us see the future! So we know the kids are born safe and healthy and live wonderful happy lives. Which I know because I wouldn’t let anything happen to them. But Agatha’s worried.”

“Oh, is that all?!”

Wanda exhaled, ignoring Stephen’s tone as the relief of having gotten the ask off her chest passed over her.

“You can do it, right? You saw 14 million futures in half an hour once, so showing someone else one for a little while shouldn’t be a problem?”

“I kind of had an infinity stone to help when I did that.” Stephen said, settling down into a cross legged position. Wanda took that as a good sign—at least he didn’t look like he was contemplating leaping from the Sanctum’s window.

“Well now you’ve got someone even better!” Wanda stepped back to Rio’s side, placing a hand gently around her partner’s shoulders, beaming at her. Rio rolled her eyes.

“Ta-da.” Lady Death said in a bored drawl.

“The power of the Green Witch…. Death is merely a reflection of humanity’s experience with time... It could work.” Wong nodded sagely.

“Or it could kill you.” Stephen pointed out. Wong looked to him confused. Then something seemed to click in his mind and he laughed heartily, patting Stephen on the back.

“Oh no, this is a job for the Sorcerer Supreme’s apprentice, I think.”

“Are you seriously pulling rank now?! When Wanda’s come here for a DeathWish?”

Wanda cleared her throat as Stephen glared at Wong. Stephen directed his attention to her.

“You do have more experience with the Green stuff!”

Stephen expression morphed into one of incredulity. Wanda shrugged matter-of-factly.

“C’mon, don’t be a stranger, Strange!” Rio chimed in, extending a ghostly pale hand with a smirk.

“And I’m just supposed to potentially get myself killed out of the goodness of my heart?”

“Isn’t that why you’re on lunchboxes?”

“You’re gonna have to do better than that after you tried to kill me about eight times!”

Wanda frowned, sizing him up. Stephen held her gaze, feeling like it was an old school spaghetti western.

“….Dazzler’s next album….” Wanda began, gauging Stephen’s interest. She saw the slight twitch of interest but knew it wouldn’t be enough. “And… The recipe for extra cheesy pizza balls.”

“….Deal!”

Wanda proved she had the recipe by making use of the Sanctum’s robust kitchen to throw together some pizza balls. Rio and Stephen sat, Stephen munching on the repast while Rio assessed the seals and sigils Wong had carved around them.

“So how will this work, Sorcerer Supreme?”

Stephen finished the last bite and dusted off his hands.

“Pretty straightforward: I’ll pull your power and Wanda’s through me, and fashion a—”

“Wait, you’re going to need me?!” Wanda asked.

Stephen rolled his eyes as though that was obvious.

“You’re not going to be able to make Agatha feel any better by telling her you went a wild trip with the Sorcerer Supreme. We need to make something that will let her see what’s going to be. Creation is your thing, is it not?”

“…Yes. I suppose it is.” Wanda nodded, setting down next to them to form a final point on a triangle, their knees nearly knocking into one another. Wong circled around the trio, nodding in approval.

“And after my apprentice finishes providing you aid…?”

“I’ll make sure Agatha lets you play Dolly Parton. But I’ll only be able to sell her on one song!”

Wong grumbled for a few moments before opening his mouth.

“And not “Jolene!”

Wong closed his mouth, sighed, then reopened it: “Fine. 9 to 5.”

He and Rio shook hands. Stephen cleared his throat.

“Do you mind if we get this over with?”

Rio shrugged.

“Ladies, your hands please!”

Wanda reached out to clasp her hands around Stephen’s, Stephen reached to Rio, and Rio completed the circle by grasping Wanda’s other hand. A sizzle of mystical energy ran through the three of them.

Wanda closed her eyes reflexively and—

SAW….

Purple .

Everything was suddenly tinted a shade violet.

And Wanda realized she was no longer in the Sanctum.

Or inside at all. Instead she was poolside at an unfamiliar place.

“Please tell your child to stay out of my ribs!”

Wanda blinked and glanced down to where the voice was coming from.

Agatha was leaning against the edge of the pool, submerged below the chest . Head resting lazily over crossed arms set against the brick inlay surrounding the water ,.

Wanda could see by the distorted reflection beneath the dazzlingly clear water she was far more heavily pregnant than when Wanda had last seen her.

“...This isn’t far enough, we need to see after they’re born!” Wanda murmured. Smiling reflexively at Agatha in the premonition.

“...What?” Agatha arched an eyebrow and Wanda was surprised at the interjection.

“Wait, she can see me?!”

Of course she can see you! You’re just inhabiting the version of you from the future. This is really just another variation of Dreamwalking.

“Wait, how can I hear you here?!” Wanda whispered. Agatha was furrowing her brow as Wanda’s mouth moved, though she wasn’t quite capable of making out the words Wanda was muttering frantically to herself.

Went along for the ride. But only in your head. Now please don’t tip off your apparently very temperamental and deadly witch wife that a sorcerer has hitched an astral ride to your future?!

Oh….Right!” Wanda said aloud.

“...You feeling alright, hot stuff?” Agatha arched an eyebrow as she swirled her legs lazily below the water.

“Yes… Just… a little nervous. What with you being… How close to your due date again?” Wanda quirked her lip in a casual smile. Hoping to allay Agatha’s suspicions. Agatha stared at her for a few seconds more, before sighing and plopping her head back down on her folded hands.

“Negative two days. So much for twins coming early!”

Nice save . Stephen’s gruff voice seemed slightly amused in her mind.

Wanda gave a low whistle, and adjusted her swimsuit cover up, realizing she was as pool ready as anyone. She took a few tentative steps, as though unsure this future world would support her weight, then plopped down unceremoniously at the edge of the pool, dipping her legs in to the knee directly next to Agatha. Agatha’s lips formed a smile that was a mixture of exhaustion and relaxation. She leaned her head to Wanda’s knee. Wanda’s fingers found a familiar perch against Agatha’s scalp, fingers sliding between strands of her hair.

“About time you got here,” Rio’s said, startling both women.

Agatha’s smile widened as she turned around in the water, shifting her body to gaze around, arms spreading to lean against the edge of the pool. Rio was walking out from the other side of what Wanda now saw was some sort of private resort.

“It’s been literally five minutes!” Agatha snorted, flipping her legs into gentle kicks in Rio’s direction.

“Try five months…” Rio muttered.

She walked straight off the edge of the pool, stepping into the water as though it was dry land. Wanda half expected she’d literally walk across it, but her foot first submerged, then the rest of her. She pushed herself to the surface after a beat, floating slowly over to Agatha and Wanda, and sidling up alongside Agatha’s left side, hand finding purchase against Agatha’s submerged bump as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her wife’s lips.

“Feeling alright?” Rio whispered, still inches from Agatha’s mouth as the blue eyed witch found herself breathless from the kiss.

“Feeling huge. And uncomfortable. And heavy. Hence—” Agatha waved around the water. “But what were you saying just now?! Don’t think you can distract me with a little TLC!”

“Can’t I?” Rio asked, not waiting for an answer before testing the theorem with another kiss along Agatha’s collarbone. Judging by the whine the squeezed from between pale pink lips, her deduction was correct.

What do you mean ‘five months?!’

Wanda whispered into the Green Witch’s thoughts. Rio sighed.

That’s what I thought. You’re here from the Doctor, right?

“Wait, you know what happens?!” Wanda was too shocked to keep her response to Rio in the psychic realm. Rio rolled her eyes as Agatha startled again, glancing suspiciously between the two of them.

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?!”

“Wands is worried about you worrying about the twins, so we used a superspell to throw us forward in time using my magick as an anchor so we could prove to you things are going to be alright.” Rio replied casually.

Wanda’s jaw dropped.

….I guess the Schrodinger’s cat is out of the box? Stephen mused and Wanda got the strange urge to test her ability to transmute sorcerers from the future.

“….Have you been drinking?” Agatha’s eyebrow quirked.

“Not a drop until after they’re born—in solidarity with you! That took your mind off of it, right?” Rio smiled coyly and Wanda felt Agatha relax under her hand.

Oooh, really nice save!

“Er, yeah, you feel better, right? About the future?”

Agatha released another snort of a laugh before grunting a shifting to floating fully on her back, belly floating slightly above the surface of the water. Wanda slid into the water behind her, steadying her on the right while Rio helped adjust her from the left.

“I think nature has a pretty smart system: make every witch so sick of being pregnant they stop thinking about how terrible of a mother they’ll be.” Agatha’s smile was more of a grimace as her hands came to rest atop her tummy.

“Everyone always thinks you’re such a good liar because you lie to yourself best. You’re going to be the best mother, my love,” Rio squeezed her hand beneath the water.

“Sure. I had great role models…”

“You’re nothing like Evanora!” Rio growled the name. Wanda could only imagine the history the two had with one another. Agatha’s history with her mother was enough to make her contemplate not going through with the Saining, after all, and that was the one event Agatha had made sure to continue preparations for up through the birth, following every preparation no matter how exhausted she became as the twins grew within her.

“Well hey, at least Evanora managed to keep me aliv-OH” Agatha gasped as Wanda turned fully to her, wrapping arms around her in as tight a hug as she could manage with the awkwardness of Agatha’s pregnancy and the water.

Perhaps it was the fact that Stephen was there floating in the back of her mind in what was already a fairly intimate moment. Or perhaps she simply didn’t want Agatha to have to say the words she knew her partner felt every day since that loss.

Either way it didn’t matter. All that mattered was Wanda knew she had to be as close to Agatha as possible in that moment, between the last bitter words of self-loathing and pain.

Rio’s hands braced either side of Agatha’s face. Brown eyes forcing blue to gaze into them. An assurance that needn’t be spoken in them, before Rio pressed her forehead to Agatha’s. Agatha sniffled, secure in the knowledge that she needn’t finish the sentence.

“This is what you were really worried about…? That it was your fault… When it wasn’t, my love. You were perfect. You are perfect. There will be no need for special treatment this time.”

“...Promise?”

“On Wanda’s life.”

One of Wanda’s hands released Agatha and slapped playfully at Rio’s shoulder.

Agatha released a stuttering laugh, the whipsaw of emotion from Rio’s joke fully breaking the tension between them.

….You really love them, huh?

Ugh, are you still here?!

Yes. But if it’s any consolation: neither of us will be in another minute.

Wait, what are you—

The panic in Wanda’s thoughts became a pulse of green behind her eyes. She felt herself open her eyes in the premonition, saw Rio tilt her head in a gesture of recognition before wiggling her digits in a wave. Agatha was looking between them, confused, before the world changed….

Red.

Scarlet, actually.

“Oh shut up!” Wanda screamed into the void. Well, the living room. At least she was at a place she recognized.

Her home in Westview.

The plans to finish the construction had apparently come together quite well.

Wanda’s lips formed into a light smile as she remembered Agatha announcing the plan to rebuild it.

She’d gone on and on about how property values in Westview weren’t what they used to be and thus it was prime investment opportunity. How she could make a killing on flipping the house, or maybe even turning it into some sort of small town attraction. W hat with the uptick in tourists from those curious about “The Incident” it was sure to be very lucrative.

Of course the property would still be in Wanda’s name. Only because it would be easier than starting another shell corporation— not like Agatha cared to buy Wanda Maximoff a house . For hell’s sake, Agatha spat on the very same property not too long ago!

Agatha had announced all of this over a rather fancy dinner. O n a day that just so happened to be Wanda’s birthday.

Back when the thing between her and Agatha and Rio was still so new. When Wanda wasn’t sure she had the ability to even love again.

The flood of emotions at the announcement had left Wanda reeling. Unsure if she should kill or kiss Agatha.**

Now here it was, some day in the future, fully constructed, but somehow empty. Devoid of all that made it—

“Wanda.”

The voice was gentle, warm and… extremely British.

It still stopped her heart some days at the mere memory. To hear it now…

“Vis?” Wanda swirled, eyes wide as saucers.

Okay, I did not see that coming.

“Shade. Please.” The man that was most assuredly Vision—albeit in his human guise—smiled gently at her.

“What?!” Wanda blinked in confusion.

“Or Victor. I’m still trying to get used to the entire thing. The doctor has been very helpful in regards to becoming more human… Or so he says. I think Mr. Strange is perhaps not the best role model, but beggars and choosers, I suppose!”

Tell him he can go fu—

“What are you doing here?! What year is it?! Am I…. Where are Agatha and Rio?!”

“Ah, yes. I suppose I didn’t ever thank her… For allowing one more abomination to pass muster. It was particularly kind of your lovely wife to refer to me as merely an “anomaly”. Perhaps its because she realized this day was to come.”

Wanda crossed the room, nearly slamming her shin upon the coffee table she moved with such ferocity to get to him. Her arms found their way around his shoulders, and he smiled with the hug.

“I… I missed you!” Wanda said. And it was true as far it was concerned. But it wasn’t the whole truth.

“But you have found a different path now,” Vision said gently, pulling from Wanda’s hug. His hand reached up as though to stroke her cheek, but he let it fall to his side instead.

Wanda’s face scrunched up in some combination of shame and regret.

“...I apologize, it’s merely… We’ve already addressed this in my time. If that is the correct way to phrase it? I am rather new to this. As are you, I imagine.”

“This is the future then?! You survived….Westview?”

“In a manner. But you can ask me all about it later… Er, earlier. Now I think, if our Lady Death is correct in her instruction to me from a bygone time for me and hence for you, you need to discuss you rather than me.”

“No, this is… I’m trying to see the future. With the kids! Oh by the way, Billy and Tommy are fine! And I may have...Another on the way… With—”

“Agatha, yes, I am aware. Confused at first. But aware. I think that is why you came to this moment, Wanda.”

It wasn’t lost on her that he didn’t call her ‘love’ or ‘dear’. She wondered if it was supposed to hurt? Instead it just felt… Settled. Like inertia had finally brought a slowing object to rest.

“What is this moment?”

“The moment where I tell you you needn’t think of yourself as cursed to never find happiness. And more, that you don’t need to fight to keep your family. You can have happiness and love without pain.”

“I…” Wanda opened her mouth. Found she couldn’t find the right words to express what she was feeling at Vision’s words. Closed it again.

And she leaned forward to hug him again.

“Oh! That was… Surprisingly quick.”

“I don’t know if I’ve really absorbed your advice. But I know I needed to hear it. And I am prepared. To fight. Until the end for them. Billy. Tommy. Agatha and Rio. The babies….” Wanda trailed off as realization hit her.

“Wait…. Have they been born?”

Vision was suddenly trying to look anywhere but into her eyes. Which was as good an answer as she could expect.

“Vis! What are they like?! How old are they?!”

“I shall not spoil your future for you… But just know….” Vision smiled slyly. “They take after their mother!”

Wanda’s face was relaxing into a warm, satisfied smile when she felt the pulse of magical energies again. It was familiar by now: a change of scenery in this temporal kaleidoscope spurred by Rio’s magic was coming. At least she got to see Vision again. And know that her child would take after—

Wanda froze as she parsed the words, then turned to Vision, pouting.

“Wait! They have like, five moms!”

Vision winked and waved as her world faded….

Green.

Wanda looked out at the scene before her. She was standing in the kitchen, the open window allowing her to gaze at her family and friends beyond:

A dinner on the lawn at night. Fireflies weaving between dandelions in what must have been early late spring or early summer. Agatha’s figure showed no signs of pregnancy as she smiled, jubilant and relaxed, setting food down in the center of the table. Tommy raced around behind her, dropping off knives and forks around the large wood table, occasionally stopping to pet either Senor Scratchy or Charlie.

I’m sorry: what do you mean your twins have like five moms?!

Wanda rolled her eyes as Stephen’s inquiry reminded her he was still with her.

“It’s a long story.” She murmured.

Do you have any short stories at all? Anyway… I presume that’s one of your originals?

“‘Originals?!’ They’re children, Stephen, not first run records.”

But I bet you’d say they’re like works of art!

“No. No one with children would say something that weird.”

…Well whatever!

Wanda was chuckling to herself, finding herself surprisingly relaxed considering she had as of yet made no progress in actually confirming her little family would be just fine. She glanced around, wondering if she could pick up any clues on that front. She was in the kitchen. One that could belong to any number of properties Agatha owned, including their current (well, past from this Wanda’s perspective) home in New Jersey. After several remodels, at least. In front of her stood an open dishwasher half full of clean plates. A stack of the very same plates partially assembled on the countertop directly above.

She must have been sent in to gather plates and bowls for dinner. She nodded, decided it would be best to finish the task before joining the others outside to avoid arousing suspicions.

Do you know where Rio is?

Nope. Didn’t feel her when the world was all red, and now it’s almost like she’s… Everywhere .

Wanda frowned and turned to look out the open window facing into the backyard even as she picked up another couple of plates and stacked them atop the growing pile. Her eyes scanned the dinner again:

Sharon sat with a black cat on her lap, chatting with…

Is that Monica Rambeau?!

Alice had arms wrapped around Lilia, who leaned back against her partner, eyes closed in a relaxed hum of a slow version of the Ballad. On their laps sat a young boy no older than four or five clapping enthusiastically but horribly off rhythm. Dark hair, dark eyes and a dark complexion but with a smile as wide as any Agatha would give.

That’s….

Wanda barely dragged her eye away from the boy, and only managed it when she saw another startling sight.

Jen had just finished emptying a pot of water into cups laid out before Darcy Lewis and Jimmy Woo when she bumped into Agatha accidentally. Both women twirled to look at one another, and Wanda was blessed to see the startling moment both women simply traded light smirks and continued setting the table. No bickering, threats or actual magical mayhem ensued.

Jennifer Kale and Agatha Harkness seemed to be behaving like… Family.

Billy sat at one end of the table, making out with a boy who was even greener than the rest of the world.

Maybe he’s a hulk?

I thought they were red now?

Wanda was still trying to process the improbable ceasefire in the war between Jen and Agatha when Billy pulled away from his paramour and she saw something that shook her so deeply the thought was obliterated from her mind.

Her beautiful, precious, adorable youngest son had….A….moustache! It was thin and wispy, but clearly present. Along with the makings of a goatee!

Looks good on him!

Oh God, what if he’s trying to emulate you !

Then he’s got good tastes!

Wanda stared, trying to figure out how it could possible be that her precious boy was on such a dark path when he suddenly pressed a hand against his boyfriend’s chest and shook his head, motioning to the end of the table where a little girl, no older than five, sat coloring at the end of the table nearest to him. Each breath deep with concentration as she slid crayon over paper, occasionally blowing a strand of crimson hair from in front of hazel eyes.

Wanda felt her daughter’s presence like she felt her own heart beating.

I think we may have found our proof of concept.

They’re here. They’re safe. They’re… Perfect!

Works of heart, eh?

Wanda couldn't help but laugh, she turned from the window like she was looking directly into the sun, tears streaming down her face as she tried to process the pure emotion of the moment.

You’re not here yet, Maximoff. Remember why we came if you want to get to this moment!

Wanda nodded, pulling herself together and turning back to look out the window as though there would be some clue to the next part of this task. She had to use her magic to create something that could be brought back with her to prove to Agatha their future was bright. But… What exactly could do that? Maybe Rio would have an idea?

She searched for the Green Witch for a few moments before spotting her: Rio was trudging across the path from a vehicle parked on the grass, a large red and white ice chest in tow. It was odd for many reasons, not the least of which being Rio tended not to carry cargo, and usually just appeared wherever and whenever she wanted. She was moving slowly towards Agatha in a loose flowing black robe, saying somewhat precariously with each step carrying the heavy cooler.

Rebecca Kaplan tapped Agatha on the shoulder and motioned to Rio. Agatha glanced to the direction of the finger and Wanda saw something between anxiousness and panic light up Agatha’s face with something softer beneath her features—the same affection she always had for her wife but somehow with even more in it. Like Rio was precious and delicate all at once.

But more than that, when Agatha twirled, her eyes lit up in a way that was far more free and open than Wanda had ever seen her. A way that suggested she knew she was safe. That this life was hers. And no harm would come to it.

Rebecca was whispering something, but Agatha probably didn’t hear as she unceremoniously dropped the large plate of chicken she was carrying in Rebecca’s arms and dashed over to help Rio with the heavy ice chest.

It honestly startled Wanda to watch as Agatha hurriedly took the cooler and walked it back with Rio by her side. To watch as Rio’s face visibly relaxed. As though carrying a cooler would be difficult for Lady Death… Something was off about both of them the longer she stared.

The way Agatha swayed from side to side so jubilantly. Juxtaposed with Rio’s seeming… Tiredness? Had Wanda ever seen her look so tired? They finally made it back to the table, Billy taking over, using his magic to hover the ice chest to its place at the end of the table while Agatha pulled Rio’s hands to her lips and kissed them, whispering to her with a slightly chiding expression. Rio was rolling her eyes but clearly loving every second of the affection.

Finally Agatha pressed a hungry kiss to Rio’s lips, hands sliding down to the Green Witch’s hips. Tommy placed two fingers in his mouth for a loud whistle and both women exhaled a laugh, realizing they wouldn’t be able to do more in this setting, they parted.

But Agatha’s hand lingering along Rio’s stomach for a fraction of second, before she twirled and offered Rio a chair, which Rio took without even a mock curtsy.

Certainly unusual.

“Yeah, that’ll be interesting.” A gruff man’s voice with a slight accent brought Wanda back to the physical realm.

She looked away from her place in front of the plates.

“Yes… I’m certain it will…” Wanda turned to the voice.

She saw a lithe man that couldn’t be much older than Billy or Tommy were now, eyes a hazel that felt like the perfect intersection between blue and brown. His smirk was eerily familiar, and he had two pieces of a three piece black suit perfectly tailored to fit. Wanda glanced back outside and saw a chair where the suit jacket was slung.

Right between Agatha and Rio’s chairs.

“Red’s gotta go in that spot, right?” The man said, tracing her look.

Wanda frowned, trying to figure who he might be, not wanting to give away that she wasn’t exactly who she was supposed to be.

“Er, good to see you again… Thank you for the help with the—” Wanda began, motioning to the plates but Stephen’s alarmed voice in her head cut her off.

Who is this? He’s got magical energy… Like nothing I’ve ever felt… It’s like a Necromancer took up sorcery in the Dark Dimension...

“...You mind if we talk alone? Just while you’re here? I’m sure it won’t be long, right?”

Wanda blinked and glanced around in confusion. No one else was there but her and this strange man.

Well, no one other than Stephen—

The man nodded as the thought flitted through Wanda’s mind. A chill ran down her spine.

Whoa! What the! HEY-- !

Wanda felt something snap. Like a mystical connection was severed like a phone line being cut.

Or dying.

“What did you just—?!”

“Don’t worry, he’s fine. You used her power to get here, right?”

“Yes.” Wanda didn’t ask who he was talking about. She didn’t know who this man was but she had the strange feeling that she didn’t need to fear him. At least not now. If anything, this version of her likely knew and trusted him.

“Things have changed a bit since the spell that must have brought you here. She doesn’t have the right amount of control, but if you can tell me why you came I might be able to—”

“I need to see the twins! I have to show Agatha they’re… That we’re alright.”

Why was she putting so much trust in this stranger?!

“...Ah. Well that’s easy enough!” The man reached into his breast pocket, wriggled his fingers around. Frowned. Sighed and tried the pocket of his vest. Another deep sigh followed. Finally, he snapped his fingers.

A blur of red swirled between them, making Wanda jump and almost assume a battle position before she saw it was only a fluttering…. Cloak?

She heard an excitable yelp from the dinner party outside, but the man turned quickly and yelled:

“Just forgot something in the pocket. Get started without me!”

His gaze returned to Wanda, even as he reached into the pocket of cloak, which floated in midair, looking serene with its large hood and ornately patterned lapels.

“Can fit a lot in here….” he muttered, rummaging through the pocket for several seconds before his hands closed around what he was looking for. He smirked.

“Bingo!” He pulled out an object and held it to Wanda. Wanda reached over and took the thin slip of paper.

A Polaroid photograph

Depicting the dinner scene before them. Why hadn’t she thought of something so simple? No, thinking of it wasn’t the tricky part. It was in creating it. She felt it even as the photograph fluttered between her fingers—it was made of Chaos magick.

“How?” Wanda glanced up from the photo to the man, again bewildered by why she wasn’t more panicked.

“It really frustrated her you know? Thinking any witch could be forged scarlet. Turns out the key was not to be a witch at all. Not that I’m like you. Not really. But the Hood can do a lot of cool stuff like that,” the man glanced to the wall clock. Sighed. He then tilted his head towards the photo that Wanda still held between her fingers, “And you might want to put that some place safe.”

Wanda gave the Polaroid a last squeeze to her chest before slipping it into the pocket of her jeans.

“I don’t understand…. What is happening here?”

The man chuckled and walked over to grab a set of plates. He walked forward, extending the plates to her with a knowing smile. ‘

“Not trying to be all mysterious, but you should know…. All three of you are a little paranoid about being possessed after the thing with Cthon… So even if it’s you doing the possessing you still don’t have a lot of time… And I think it’s just about….”

Wanda was trying to parse where she heard the name Cthon before an unimaginable pain seared through her head as her eyes felt like they were on fire and her mouth opened in a primal scream and then the only thing she saw was—

Black.

She opened here eyes and still saw only blackness.

But she felt something… clammy stroking her cheek. Shuddering but delicate whispers of restorative magic creeping through the rhythmic strokes of what she soon understood to be palms, slick with nervous sweat.

“You think I care?! I don’t. You can keep her like that! It’ll make it easier, honestly! Just four parents for the birth certificate needed now!”

“Agatha, would you just let me expl—”

“You needed her more than me! I mean I don’t even need—”

“Ugh, Agatha?!” Wanda groaned, so happy to hear the intonation of the blue eyed witch. She felt something like cloth slip away from her face and realized there must have been a sleep mask over it.

“Fuck Red, why the hell did you decide to pretend to be dead today of all days?!” Agatha deflated, bowing her head low enough to touch Wanda’s forehead with her own, despite Wanda’s position in her lap, facing up towards her. Rio was sat on a chair next to the pair, forcing a light smile and mouthing something that Wanda could just make out to be ‘Welcome back.’

“You thought Rio…. Took me?!”

“She wasn’t explaining where you’d gone. Just said it’ll probably be fine. After trying to pass you off as taking a nap in my sleep mas, mind you!” Agatha tried to sound huffy but the little sniffles came out more like a losing battle against tears she was clearly trying not to shed. “And I told her normal people’s souls don’t just leave their bodies without so much as writing a note!” Agatha frowned, then gave an experimental sniff to the air.

“Why do you smell like Nepalese incense and beard oil…?”

“We don’t need to worry about why Wanda stinks, Agatha, let’s just all celebrate that she decided to stop playing dead!”

Agatha gave Rio a suspicious look, now looking the farthest thing from about to cry. Wanda groaned and pulled herself from Agatha’s lap, patting the pregnant witch on the knee and then turned to shake her head at Rio.

“It’s okay. I think I have what we need.” Wanda beamed, reaching into her pocket.

“SUPER TEA COMING THROUGH!” Lilia barreled into the room like a missile, holding a tea tray laden with a single teacup and the steaming teapot that seemed overflowing with liquid. She stopped abruptly upon seeing Wanda, now seated upright, and released an enormous sigh of relief.

“Oh thank the Goddess herself! Thought I’d have to break the news to Agatha that Jen’s tea isn’t actually capable of curing sleeping sickness! But you’re alive!” Lilia released the tray and raised her hands to the sky in thanks to whatever gods might be listening.

“I told you she was alive,” Rio muttered.

“Why would anyone believe you?!” Agatha and Lilia intoned in unison. Lilia watched as Wanda tugged the hand that had retreated into her pocket out, holding a handful of seeds.

But no photo.

“No… That’s not right… The photo… The Chaos magick!” Wanda began rummaging through her other pockets, depositing the seeds which seemed to glow slightly and were the size of chestnuts on the coffee table in front of them.

Agatha stared at her, eyes wide and worried.

“Hon…. What the hell are you babbling about?”

Lilia frowned, leaning in towards the seeds, recognition forming in her hazel eyes.

“He gave them to me… Said we were alike… I thought…” Wanda trailed off.

“Who gave them to you?” Rio’s voice was so fervent it startled her. Wanda glanced to Lady Death, surprised she hadn’t known the answer.

“Didn’t Stephen tell you?”

“Stephen?!” Agatha raised an eyebrow but Wanda ignored the that inquiry, focused on Rio.

“He only told me he lost track of you. And to never come for another visit unless it was his Time. But when I couldn’t find you in the… Kaleidoscope… It was like something had hidden you from me. If you hadn’t gotten back I would’ve...” Rio trailed off. Wanda felt a flutter of warmth at the idea that Rio would be willing to burn down reality to find her across the scattered future.

“How did you find those seeds?!” Lilia was staring at the seeds laid out on the table. Wanda frowned and reached over to pick a few up, wondering if she could use her magic to get them back to being a photograph.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Lilia, is that really important right now?!”

“Well I don’t know Agatha, it seems like a pretty big deal that the seed of Pure Everbloom just happens to be in your girlfriend’s hands moments after miraculous revival!”

Agatha frowned, hands absentmindedly brushing against her stomach as she absorbed Lilia’s words. Rio was still staring intently at Wanda.

“That’s ridiculous! Pure Everbloom’s not been seen for millennia. Rio doesn’t even remember how to green magick it into being anymore, there sure as hell ain’t another green witch with the werewithal to revive that plant!”

“Aren’t you the one always droning on about spontaneous creation?!”

“Wanda doesn’t have the discipline for such fine craftsmanship! She probably got them from the gardening section at Home Depot!”

As they bickered, Wanda’s eyes returned to the seeds. Crafted between the Green and Chaos magicks….

“Wanda?” Rio’s voice delicate but insistent, though spoken in too low a tone to draw Agatha and Lilia’s attention. Wanda locked eyes with her. “Who gave you those seeds?”

Wanda smiled.

Remembering the features of the man. His attitude and bearing. It had all seemed so familiar yet difficult for her to place. But now, standing here in Agatha and Rio’s presence it was obvious who the man had been.

Who the boy had been before he had become a man.

“It’s the future, right?” Wanda broke into a smile, holding her hand still clutching to the seeds out to Rio. Rio extended her own hand out below Wanda’s, palm spread. Wanda dropped the seeds into the Green Witch’s waiting hands. Confident the plant and whatever made it so special would bloom under her diligent care.

“You’ll find out in time!”

Chapter Text

“I do not see the problem—you can literally make anyone do anything you want them to do, except apparently get Tasha to call her precious baby sister while she was still in the land of the living.” Yelena Belova’s sarcasm was nearly as thick as her accent.

Wanda sighed and pressed against the touch screen of her cell phone, the haptic feedback and slight vibration confirming she’d correctly turned off the speakerphone.

She didn’t want Agatha to overhear her conversation. It was about Agatha, after all.

Wanda brought the phone to her ear and sighed again. Just in case Yelena hadn’t heard her the first time.

“If I had known she had a sister I would have convinced her to call. You know that, right?”

“Da, just trying to lighten the mood since you’re so upset about this stupid brunch thing—”

“It’s not stupid! It’s Mother’s Day!”

“Not a holiday in Soviet Russia.” Yelena deadpanned. She gave it another moment’s thought while sorting through a slew of guns, knives, explosives and ammunition. Holidays were usually mission free which left her plenty of time to make sure her armaments were nice and tidy.

“Or maybe not one I bothered to celebrate on account of having no mother?”

“You had a mother. Everyone has a mother.”

“Not one that does brunch. Maybe you’re Agnes doesn’t either. Nothing wrong with not liking brunch.”

Wanda was very far from sorting weapons, perched as she was on the windowsill in her soon to be fully reconstructed New Jersey abode. She glanced out past Ralph Bohner’s home. From the second story she could see into Sharon’s backyard, where Sharon hurried from end to end of a long table preparing things.

For brunch.

The Mother’s Day Brunch Wanda was supposed to get Agatha to go to, but which she had somehow neglected to mention until now, little more than an hour before Sharon would be plopping eggs on their plates and trying to get them in on the neighborhood gossip.

“Agatha.”

“What?”

“Her name. Agatha.”

“Whatever—the crazy lady that you said—and I quote: ‘tried to steal my magic and kill me but I can’t even be angry because she has a great ass.’ That lady. Whatever her name is.”

“I did not say—”

“Tell her about brunch. And if she doesn’t want to go, use your spirit fingers."

Wanda rolled her eyes.

“It’s called Chaos Magick. And I can’t do that she’ll just absorb it.”

“Oh. Witches are weird, man!” Yelena set the pistol she had fully stripped down atop the black case and picked up her own phone, clicking the speaker phone off and pressing to prompt video chat.

Wanda sighed and turned on videochat, pulling the phone away to glance at the woman who she’d connected with some years ago. Right after Natasha had….

Best not think about that.

After a run-in with Clint, Yelena had spoken with many an Avenger about her sister, but it was really Wanda who she had come to bond with in the intervening years.

Perhaps because they were both from broken down Eastern European nation states.

Perhaps because they had been pawns in geopolitical games from their youth with all chance of innocent idyll dashed by the complexities of espionage and power.

At the end of the day it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Natasha.

And that they had both been her sister. So sisters to each other they were in her absence.

After everything that had happened to Wanda since then—the killing and the dying and the living again—Wanda had made sure to reach out.

To not let Yelena know the feeling of losing another sibling. To make sure she didn’t find herself drowning in wave after wave of sorrow like Wanda had not so long ago.

Though there were still some details she played close to her chest.

“She has to go! It’s for Mother’s Day and she’s…” Wanda bit her bottom lip. How did she expect to break the news that Agatha was carrying her baby?

“She’s….What?”

“Pregnant.”

“Oh! Well then problem is simple: tell the husband to badger her!”

“...I am the husband… One of them, anyway… Sort of.”

Yelena tilted her head towards the phone, brows raised in a Oh do tell sort of way. Wanda huffed a sigh but couldn’t help smiling.

“It’s a long and complicated story. But if you want to send us gifts before the baby shower I’ll text you the registry—”

“Wait, are you the baby daddy?!”

“Do you have to ask it like that?!”

“Well how else would I ask that?!”

Wanda tilted her head from side to side.

“Sort of.”

“There is so much equivocating with you lately! Speak harsh and sure like the soviet satellite nation girl you are, Maxi!”

“Still not my name, Lova. And I just meant… My magic and Rio’s magic kind of intermingled so it’s…. complicated.”

“Witches are weird, man….” Yelena muttered again. Her eyes gleamed with amusement at an errant thought at Wanda’s explanation, “that is ridiculous, Wandy—it would be like if I got Valentina pregnant!”

“Is that something you’re interested in?” Wanda smirked, ready to put Yelena on the hot seat. Yelena’s face contorted in disgust.

“You’re gross! But Mazel Tov! Now tell your undoubtedly gorgeous wife to go to you to this brunch, have fun with your boys and send me pictures!”

“It’s supposed to be a surprise thing! But she hates surprises—”

“She sounds smart!”

“—and if I try and get her to come with me without spoiling it she’ll sense something is off and…”

“Turn you into a rabbit?”

Wanda nodded, deflating and sighing for the umpteenth time.

Yelena chuckled and glanced at her watch. She swore under her breath.

“Ah darn, I have to go. Speaking of the devil—Mine, not yours who you knocked up—I have a new mission…. Should have known not to expect the day off… The only kind of mother Valentina is is a motherfu—”

“It’s not dangerous is it?” Wanda never outright asked to accompany Yelena on her shadowy tasks for the mysterious Valentina Allegra De Fontaine. She knew the response would be harsh rejection. But she still worried about her as an older sister should.

Yelena rolled her eyes. “Everything I do is dangerous. Secret, international black-ops assassin, remember? But don’t worry about me. Worry about sexy-ass-purple-witch-baby mama. If you want to solve problem, tell your other other lover to do some work. But definitely send pictures!”

Wanda rolled her eyes but raised a hand with a tiny wave at the phone screen seconds before it clicked black.

She sighed and leaned back against the window sill.

A creak from the bedroom sent a jolt of alarm through her, and she hurried to standing position and shut the curtains just as Agatha waddled in, belly leading the way covered as it was by the knit white shirt that was itself concealed by the dark brown v-neck onesie. Wanda smoothed her strawberry pattern dress and forced a smile.

“...Were you talking to someone?” Agatha asked, arching a brow.

“Just Yelena… My ‘sister from another mister’ I guess you could say!” Wanda was internally cursing her inability to speak like a normal human being when she was particularly nervous and closed the distance to Agatha, gently clasping around her hand.

“But let’s not bother about that! Let’s go for a walk!”

Agatha considered the activity with a shrug, her thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of Wanda’s hand clasped in her own.

“Eh, I’m pretty tired. Think I’ll hang back and—”

“You’ve been lounging all day! It might be good for you to get some air!” Wanda squeaked and once again immediately cursed her complete lack of ability to control her nerves.

“….You know what today is, don’t you?” Agatha tilted her head, searching Wanda’s eyes as she awaited the response. Wanda wondered if she could somehow hear the rapid beating of Wanda’s own heart.

“Sunday? Oh, right, um, Mother’s Day!”

“I really thought you’d be out trying to convince the whole town to come by and celebrate with us…” Agatha’s blue eyes remained trained on Wanda.

“Huh? Why would I bother?”

“Seems right up your alley is all. Of course you know I have no reason to celebrate. Never have.”

Wanda’s nerves lessened, replaced by a familiar sympathetic response. Pain that was not her own.

“You’re a mother, Agatha!”

Agatha shrugged off the reply.

“And ‘Mother’s Day’ is a useless greeting card holiday invented in 1900s,” Agatha slid her hand free and stretched.

As calculated a deflection as ever when the topic of Nicky reared its head. She cracked her neck and slid hands beneath her swollen stomach before adding: “Please tell me we’re also going to spare these two the annoyance of having to scribble backwards letters on construction paper in crayon or make half baked ceramics in Home-Ed just because some socialite decided it’d be a hoot to spend Sunday guilting her children about how little they visit or think about their poor mother a century ago?!”

She’s going to hate brunch…

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves…. Why don’t we go grab a bagel or something? I’m seriously tired of being cooped up in here!”

If Agatha had been wary before, now she was full on suspicious.

“You’re normally a homebody… What gives, Wanda?”

“Me?! A homebody?! Don’t be ridiculous! I love the outdoors!”

Agatha had crossed her arms. She was nodding slowly. As though calculating the potential for Wanda to be telling the truth. Wanda gulped nervously, but Agatha must have found enough to assuage her nerves in Wanda’s awkward and forced smile, because she soon smiled and nodded, stepping forward and placing her hands on her partner’s shoulders.

“Okay, let’s go for that walk, then, but first….” Agatha smiled with a familiar hint of mischief as she leaned forward.

Nothing was nervous about Wanda’s smile now—she closed the distance between them, gently grazing Agatha’s lips with her own, sliding hands along Agatha’s sides and releasing a heated, excited breath.

“...Why don’t you tell me what you’re hiding?!”

Purple surged through her, too quick for Wanda to do anything more than gasp at the forceful intrusion into her being. The energy propelling her into speech.

“Mother’s Day…. Brunch… By Sharon!” Wanda gasped before she could even think to try and and counteract Agatha’s compulsion.

“I do love that you’re so weak for me that works!” Agatha chuckled, giving Wanda another teasing kiss before pulling back and patting her partner’s chest. She pulled away fully, sliding both hands through her hair and shaking her head. “But I do not think I’ll be attending brunch.”

“Wait, Agatha—”

“Nope! Nothing you can say will convince me! You and Rio can have fun! Have a mimosa in my honor I’m going to throw my feet up and get takeout!”

And before Wanda could recover enough to ask Agatha to reconsider, the Purple witch was gone.

For some reason, Wanda thought Rio would be easier.

No, it wasn’t even that she thought Rio would be easier to convince, but that she didn’t anticipate Rio would even need convincing. When she approached her—in the garden as she so often was, clothed in black pants and an olive turtleneck—Wanda had expected to be able to recruit Rio to her cause with a couple of sentences of explanation.

Hey babe, you’re other fiancee is being a little prickly about Mother’s Day brunch. But I think it’ll be fun, and you know how much you love to see Sharon coming into her own as a Green Witch? Well she’s hosting and Lilia promised to get top notch catering!

“When should I expect you back?” Rio asked while kneeling before a smattering of azaleas.

“Huh?” Wanda asked on the approach.

Rio looked up at her, brown eyes unexpectedly cold and distant.

“From Sharon’s. She’s doing brunch, right? When will you and Agatha be back?”

Wanda glanced away, eyeing the flowers instead of locking eyes with Rio.

“We’re not going. Agatha wants to rest up. Though it feels like the brunch isn’t even worth it without her—Sharon would just be celebrating herself and Lilia at that point.” Wanda mused, realizing she had no plans to attend without Agatha or Rio and Jen and Alice were only mothers to be as of yet.

“What do you mean she’s not going? It’s Mother’s Day, Wanda!”

“You don’t have to remind me! I wanted her to go too! But why are you asking when we’ll be back?We could still go—you and me, right?”

Rio’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second. They returned to some variation of stern disinterest a moment later.

“It’s her day. It should be her day. She’s the mother.” Rio stood to her full height and brushed brambles and dirt from her black pants. She was avoiding Wanda’s eyes now.

Wanda tilted her head as though trying to peer into the abyss of Lady Death’s soul.

She’s the mother.

“… What did you two do for Mother’s Day before?” Wanda suspected nothing.

Because the only child they had been a mother to was lost before the day would ever have been celebrated.

Rio’s quick glance to her—momentarily panicked, then unnaturally calm—confirmed as much.

They hadn’t spent Mother’s Day together.

Ever, most likely.

“Oh, Rio… She’s here. With us. With you!” Wanda’s hand slid along Rio’s shoulder supportively. Rio turned on her with the eyes of an entity beyond human comprehension. Eyes of Death itself.

Wanda reflexively removed her hand.

“I’ve lived longer than you, Scarlet Witch. I’ve known her for centuries, remember? I know what Agatha really… What it is that ‘we’ are.”

“People in love, you mean?” Wanda shot back immediately. She’d stared Death in the face before. It never shook her for very long anymore.

Rio snorted.

“You know back when we were trapped in your boy’s penitentiary,” Rio began, voice sour. Wanda tilted her head, always curious about Billy’s hex, though she never pressed for her son or the rest of the coven to relive the trauma merely to satisfy her own curiousity. But now Rio was offering a glimpse of the time and she couldn’t pretend to be disinterested.

“She told me she lets everyone and their mother lie about what happened to him. To our son.” Rio continued. “You know why she does that?”

Wanda held Rio’s gaze.

Waiting for the answer bubbling up behind Rio’s eyes, filled with an unspeakable pain.

“Because the truth is worse!” Rio finally spat. The release of the words seemed to take her energy with them. Her shoulders slumped and she shifted halfheartedly away. “...I’m the truth.”

Wanda clicked her tongue in recognition. She was silent for a moment. When she spoke, it was not the response Rio had been expecting:

“Oh. So you’re both idiots.”

Rio immediately twisted around, rage now filling her eyes.

“What was that?!”

Wanda sighed shaking her head with a light laugh.

“You two think because you’ve spent centuries dancing around your feelings that you understand each other? I guess you need someone like me to translate!” Wanda’s smile was full on smug by now.

“I know Agatha,” Rio flexed her fingers, still brown from sifting through the dirt.

“Then you know what she meant when she said the truth is worse?” Wanda tilted her head. Waiting for Rio to reply.

Rio frowned. What else could possibly be meant other than Rio? She could never admit to having made a child with Rio, to have loved the child even though she knew how his short life would turn out. Agatha was so ashamed of having ever bedded her that it was better to let the world think Agatha had instead sold the child for mystic trinkets. Rather than admit Rio was Nicky’s mother alongside her.

W anda nodded as though having read Rio’s thoughts. Which, Rio remembered wasn’t outside of her ability these days.

“That was her telling you she can’t live without you! She didn’t hate you, she hated that she couldn’t hate you. Even after Nicky.”

R io opened her mouth, teeth bared like fangs. But no words escaped. She frowned. Wanda could see her mind working through it.

“She’s the flame you can’t smother. And you’re the loaded gun holstered next to her heart.”

“….She said she never wanted to see my face again….”

“And look how well that turned out! Ri, you’re dangerous because you scare her: you could empty a full clip of ammunition into her and you know what she’d do in response?”

Rio stared blankly, and Wanda was sure she was wondering where all the weapo nry metaphors were coming from.

She’d blame Yelena.

“Help you reload.” Wanda finished, reaching out to clasp both of Rio’s hands, to communicate her certainty that she understood Agatha as well as Lady Death herself. She was a quick study, after all.

“…She ran for decades…”

“Because you’re the lode star for her life. And if she ever stopped she’d never start again. She’d have to actually live with everything she feels.”

“It’s a hell of a load.”

Wanda closed her eyes, smiling in relief at the sound of Agatha Harkness’ voice from behind her. She and Rio, hand s still interlocked, looked up to their partner.

“...And I’ve got enough weight to carry these days…” Agatha added with a soft smile, once more cupping her bump.

Rio’s eyes tinged with moisture as she looked at her.

“….Agatha I—”

And because Agatha was Agatha, she bolted forward faster than they thought possible, crashing her lips against Rio’s. Again and again, as though trying to smother any words of regret and apology for centuries of misunderstanding in velvety smooth kisses. When Rio was finally given the chance to breathe she took in the air in heavy pants. Agatha spoke softly in the interim, eyes closed, tilting her head till her forehead pressed to Rio’s:

“You know, maybe I could use a waffle?!”

“EVERYONE! ARRANGE YOURSELVES!” A lilting voice with a slight accent rang out across Sharon’s backyard. A man with a gray beard and an almost obnoxiously fancy white and black pinstriped suit with oversize lapels and a full on cape clapped his hands and motioned to Billy and Tommy.

The boys hurried to their prearranged position on opposite sides of the long table overladen with every sort of breakfast food imaginable.

Lilia came up behind the man and beamed, squeezing his arm.

“Oh honey, you don’t have to do all that! You’re a guest!”

“I am a boy, celebrating his mother, as much as these two boys are, mamma!”

Jen cleared her throat from behind Lilia and her son.

“We should probably not make Agatha the centerpiece of this whole thing Mr…. Galilei…”

“I’ve told you, my dearest Jennifer, Galileo is fine! Even Leo—no one would dare use it what with Da Vinci, but I rather like the nickname!”

“Still can’t believe Galileo is your son. And a time traveler…” Alice whispered to Lilia. Lilia beamed.

“He always makes sure to stop by for Mother’s Day, no matter what decade he’s in!”

“Of course, mamma! Unlike Johannes!” Galileo first kissed his mother on the cheek before spitting the name of his brother like a curse.

“Stop that! I’m very proud of both of you! And we’re all here for relaxation and mimosas!”

Sharon understood her cue and breezed through with a tray loaded with champagne flutes filled with mimosas.

“Did someone say ‘mimosa?!’”

“One for me… One for Lils…. One for Al….” Jen counted off as she took three glasses. Sharon was about to spin away to serve some of the other guests that were slowly stepping in when Jen snapped at her to return, grabbing another couple of glasses: “One for Baby A… And one for Baby B!”

“Really?! You’re drinking in the name of my unborn children, Kale?!”

T he y all looked up to see Agatha walking, arm linked with Rio’s in a cozy embrace across the lawn, Wanda pacing a step ahead occasionally looking back to her partners with barely contained exuberance.

“Harkness… You made it… Yay.”

“We got you guys seats!” Tommy patted the back of the chair he was stood behind, and Billy nodded enthusiastically sliding the chair he was standing behind out for Wanda, who reached the table from his side first. Rio tipped her head to Tommy, but first stepped behind the chair at the head of the table and slid it out, leading Agatha by the interlocked arm to the seat. Agatha kissed the side of her mouth with a more easy smile than she normally wore and plopped into the seat, surveying the table and the people around it.

“What the hell are you doing here, teledope?!” Agatha scoffed as her eyes landed on Galileo.

“Agatha. So glad to see you maintain as much beauty as you maintain brains. Which is to say, none at all!”

A gatha grabbed a knife, but Wanda placed her hand over Agatha’s before she could throw it.

“Mother’s Day means relaxing and enjoying the company of the children, remember?!”

Agatha growled but slowly unfurled her hand from the knife and forced a smile.

“I had no idea you two knew each other! Well that’ll be one introduction out of the way: Leo, these are Agatha’s ladies in waiting—this is Wanda, and this is Lady Death!”

Agatha was mouthing ‘ladies in waiting?’ with a confused expression on her face at Lilia while Galileo startled at Rio.

“Er, mamma, when you say—”

Lilia locked eyes with him and nodded. Galileo gulped and looked away from Rio.

Sharon returned from handing out the rest of the mimosas with a basket full of muffins. She extended them to Agatha. Agatha plucked a blueberry muffin from the top of the pile and nodded approvingly.

“Glad you could make it!” Sharon whispered and Wanda could swear she saw a twinkle of knowing in Ms. Davis’ eyes.

Agatha rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on her features and Wanda received a flicker of a thought from her that seemed rather happy her mouth was full of muffin so she didn’t actually let slip she was equally happy to have turned up.

“Soooo, me and Will didn’t know what to get you guys….” Tommy reached beneath the table and pulled up an enormous logoless gift bag. Billy nodded, worrying his bottom lip as he looked between Wanda, Agatha and Rio.

“...You got us gifts?” Wanda’s voice quavered with emotion. Agatha made an odd sound that was clearly an attempt to hide how touched she was by biting more forcefully into the blueberry muffin. Even Rio looked a little touched.

“Gift. Singular. We’re still broke students, remember? Anyway…” Billy took a large sidestep to stand next to Tommy and they traded a glance before simultaneously reaching into either side of the bag and pulling out what was inside. “Happy Mother’s Day!”

A poster board sized print of a picture that Agatha realized must have been captured by Tommy because there was no one else who could possibly have had the reflexes to snap the exact shot: Agatha was laid back on the couch surrounded by her coven, shirt up exposing her bump for Jen and the ultrasound device, but her arm was extended and her hand was open in a clear indication she had just thrown something. The faces of the women surrounding her had only just begun to contort into surprise and shock. The athame Agatha had surreptitiously slipped off Rio was in the midpoint of the frame speeding towards its target—Sharon Davis. Who had just referred to Agatha’s pregnant popped navel as a ‘popsocket.’

It was a snapshot of the perfectly chaotic moment from not too long ago when Agatha had reacted with rage at Sharon’s teasing, tossing Rio’s dagger into their now Mother’s Day Brunch host’s chest.

“I love it!” Agatha clasped her hands together in giddy approval.

Sharon snatched the remainder of the blueberry muffin and yanked the basket of other muffins back before Agatha could go for a strawberry.

“That’s a terrible photo!” Sharon grumbled.

“Wow, you even managed to get your mother’s good side.” Rio nudged at Wanda’s leg beneath the table. Wanda traded smiles with her as her hand slid beneath the table to rest on Agatha’s knee.

“We were thinking it made sense, so our brother and sister know where they came from, once they’re born!” Tommy explained.

“Rage and violence?!” Galileo asked quizzically. Lilia elbowed him.

“Love. A weird, twisted kind of love, but it works for them. And us.” Alice sidled up on the other side of Lilia, having returned from a sojourn into Sharon’s home with a bowl of fruit which she extended to Lilia while glancing past her at Galileo. “By the way, it’s nice to meet one of Lilia’s children.”

“And it is an honor to meet both of the women that have made my mamma so endlessly happy after so many decades!” Galileo raised a glass to Jen across the table, who winked and returned the gesture with her third mimosa.

“Thanks for being great moms. All of you!” Billy beamed, setting the framed picture down next to Agatha and giving Wanda a hug.

“Thank you boys for giving me something to hang in the Louvre!”

Agatha wiped at a tear. Sharon scoffed and motioned for everyone to sit.

“Let’s just eat!”

Whatever one might say about Sharon Davis, they could not say she didn’t know how to throw a great brunch.

The group chatted over perfectly prepared french toast, omelets, hash browns, beans, toast, summer sausage, porridge, oatmeal, fruit, waffles, pancakes and just about every other brunch delicacy imaginable until finally their energies waned in the midday New Jersey sun.

“Ugh, gods I’m gonna explode!” Agatha groaned, leaning back against her chair with her legs extended as far out as possible and her arms hanging limply at her sides, her bump an awkward mountain in the other flat plane of her body. Rio’s hand rested calmly atop the swell.

“Let Wanda put you in a hex before you do. Easier cleanup.” Rio chuckled, smiling with each slight twitch beneath her palm.

Wanda on Agatha’s other side absentmindedly twirled fingers through brown locks, chuckled at Rio’s humour.

“I’m glad you both are here,” Wanda said softly.

“Well, we wouldn’t be if you weren’t so stubborn so… Thank you for being impossible.” Rio replied.

“She really means that. I didn’t think we’d ever have this day but… You made it happen, hon. Good job.”

Both of Rio’s hands had made their way to Agatha’s bump. Agatha slipped one from her stomach and brought it to her mouth, kissing lightly at the back of Rio’s hand and nodding. A silent promise: to be with the woman whose hand she kissed for every Mother’s Day going forward. No, everyday going forward.

“So you don’t hate Mother’s Day after all, huh?” Wanda teased.

“I didn’t say I hated it. I just said it was a useless greeting card holiday,” Agatha corrected.

“And what do you think about it now?” Wanda leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Agatha’s cheek.

“I think…. It’s a good thing these two are on the way –we missed out on about a hundred crappy ceramic mugs and greeting cards!”

Agatha chuckled, sinking deeper into her partner’s embrace. Rio kissed the top of her head, closing her eyes briefly to inhale Agatha’s dewy lavender scent, whispering in a voice so soft even Wanda could barely hear her.

“If you have to hate me, then hate me. If you can’t look at me, don’t look at me. But however it goes, whatever you feel… Do it right here. Next to me, will you?”

Agatha closed her eyes and nodded.

“Yeah. I think I can manage that.”

Chapter Text

“You! Tenderfoot! Why is there a strange pasty man destroying my flowerbed?!” Rio growled from the window. She twisted to look at Wanda pointedly. Wanda frowned and glanced out of the window, brightening immediately despite the jab at her relative inexperience in witchcraft. She had to admit 'tenderfoot' was a new one.

“Oh! Ralph agreed to—” the rest of her words were drowned out by the most violent retching she had ever heard.

“UGH! Can someone please just kill me again!”

Agatha’s voice, muffled behind the closed door of the bathroom down the hall, made both Wanda and Rio smile despite the fury it contained.

Less than a minute later she trudged down the hall, somehow managing to look even more pale than normal. She braced herself with a hand against the doorframe, breathing heavily and Wanda didn’t have the heart to tell her there were still chunks of vomit in her hair, and that they couldn't possibly lay her to rest looking like that. Or at all considering she was the love of their lives.

Agatha’s routine for the last few mornings had been to empty her stomach nearly as soon as she had filled it with the few scraps of breakfast she could force down. Rio wondered if it was the fact that Agatha was carrying twins that the morning sickness was so severe—not just twice as severe as with Nicky but exponentially so. Or maybe it was Jen’s genes getting their revenge. The baby books would be comparing the twins to beans at this stage of the pregnancy, but judging by the frequency of her morning sickness she and Wanda had to imagine the beans had soured. They’d be seeing Jen later the evening to deal with the rather aggressive symptom of this pregnancy.

But just then Wanda was intent on doing what she could to help Agatha through the current wave of sick. She took a single step forward, fully intending to at least clear Agatha’s hair, but the harsh glare of blue eyes stopped her in her tracks.

“I’m fine!”

“There’s egg in your hair….”

Agatha frowned and glanced sideways at the strands loose over her shoulder. She huffed and waved a hand. Rio and Wanda both braced for the worst but somehow Agatha’s magic (well, Wanda’s that Agatha had absorbed) , normally far from well controlled, didn’t light the tresses on fire or turn them white or something even more wild. Now her hair just looked as fresh and clean and wild as it always did.

In turning her head, Agatha had glanced out the window. She saw what Rio had seen, but startled even more severely than Lady Death.

“Bohner?! Why is he on the lawn?”

“As I was telling Ri, he’s—”

“O.” Rio chided. Wanda glanced her way with a frown, confused by the interruption.

“What?!”

“Ri-O. If you must use a name. You can also refer to me as your Taker.”

“No… She can’t be serious!” Wanda turned to Agatha, who shrugged, pacing towards the couch while rubbing her stomach.

“What do you mean I can’t be serious?! It’s my name!”

“You were married to her—” Wanda jabbed her index finger at Agatha,“—and you’re not a fan of nicknames?! How on Earth can that be?”

Agatha fully plopped upon the couch and raised a different finger to Wanda in reply. Rio snorted, tilting her head towards Wanda in a little tilt that clearly communicated the word: Touche.

“But about Ralph… He’s trying to make sure you don’t kill him. He keeps coming by offering all sorts of bribes: massages, chiropractic treatment, impromptu reenactments and interpretive dances. He even came by with a bag of edibles one time and—”

“Next time take him up on those!” Agatha said, eyes closed, hand draped over her forehead. Rio shook her head, moving past the window to the couch where she sat and lifted Agatha’s head into her lap. One hand stroked gently through Agatha’s locks while the other pressed to the pregnant witch’s upset tummy.

Wanda chuckled and crossed to join her paramours, sitting on the ottoman sat in front of the section of couch. She reached a hand out to squeeze Rio’s.

“I’ll think about it in about 34 weeks.”

“Psh. Never get to have any fun these days,” Agatha effected a grumble, smile widening on her lips beneath the mock indignation.

“Ah, right. He’s the one you…. Enchanted.”

“Mind controlled. Or turned into a ‘meat puppet.’ Isn’t that what you call it, Atha?!”

“Yes. But don’t bitch and moan at me—you did it to nice people, like Mrs. Hart and… Er, the one with the mustache!”

“I’ll admit you were right and rub your feet if you can come up with the real name for one person who lives in Westview.”

“Pfft! Easy… John… J…..Gorgonzola?!”

Rio snorted.

“See?! Even Ri—”

Rio’s eyes narrowed. Wanda blushed, cleared her throat and continued:

“o, Rio knows they’re real names!”

“That’s cause she’s they’re Taker!” Agatha whined.

“Why did you Enchant him anyway…. Ralphael?”

Wanda was mouthing ‘Ralphael' in confusion and disgust when she noticed Agatha tensed in the silence.

“...I needed a Pietro...” Agatha answered slowly and with careful precision.

“Yeah, that was still a dick move, by the way,” Wanda murmured. Agatha shrugged but Wanda pressed on, looking at Rio now. “Apparently it was easier to mix up the poor guy's brain than to bring the real Pietro back from the….”

“I considered necromancy but his body was full of holes and on another continent….”

Wanda had trailed off. She could see more tension in Agatha. Wondered if the subtle mental connection that had grown stronger since Agatha had begun to gestate her and Rio’s child imparted the idea of the thought into Agatha’s mind, if not the thought itself.

Because of course Wanda remembered the excuses Agatha offered when she had revealed her master plan .

Before they seemed to make sense. After all, Wanda had little idea what magic could actually do , much less what a practitioner like Agatha Harkness, fueled by an artifact like the Darkhold was capable of.

Cosmetic repairs and a teleportation spell were trifles for witches of lesser skill than Agatha in her prime.

“Oh no, I can hear the wheels turning,” Rio drawled, but she was rather invested in whatever Wanda was processing.

“Why didn’t you use...Necromancy?” Wanda muttered, asking more to herself than to Agatha. Her eyes were growing vacant as she worked through the possibilities.

“Ugh, suddenly feeling really sick again!” Agatha abruptly pushed herself up and off the couch, giving a little stretch before taking two large strides towards the bathroom in retreat.

Too late. Wanda’s mind had clicked the thing nagging at her into place:

“STOP!” Wanda said sharply.

Agatha froze, still facing away, eyes squeezed shut.

“….Agatha Harkness…. Why didn’t you want to use necromancy to revive Pietro?!”

“Oh let’s not quibble about the past—”

“Agatha!”

She sighed. The game was over. Agatha turned, placing her hands on her hips in disapproval. Stridently avoiding looking at Rio. Knowing how smug the Green Witch would be. To hear her say it….

“It’s because of her isn’t it?!” Wanda said, fully understanding even without the confirmation she knew Agatha was about to give.

Agatha nodded slowly, sourness of her face having nothing to do with the bile that was normally in her throat.

“Bringing brother bullet-time back in the undead flesh would require magic associated with her and I… Couldn’t see her again.” Agatha said, eyes downcast. Wanda flicked a glance to Rio.

She was stonefaced.

Agatha was avoiding her eyes.

Wanda didn’t quite regret opening the conversation, but she did feel a bit bad that Rio hadn’t seemed to catch on until just then.

“….Sounds like he stopped.” Rio muttered.

Outside, the loud trundle of the lawnmower had indeed vanished, leaving only a cold silence between the three women. Agatha was looking toward Rio like she was about to use her Purple to turn Rio’s face towards her. To lock eyes and communicate some measure of apology for the feelings that had disappeared in the aftermath of The Witches’ Road. Or perhaps which had never truly existed in the first place.

“...Are you still feeling sick?” Wanda asked quietly.

She wished she hadn’t broached the silence. Agatha rounded on her, eyes flaring:

“You know what? I was wrong to screw up Bohner’s good thing getting high for the local high school play auditions, and for trying to avoid my Death’s bed, but I only did any of that because you were going on Scarlet Witch on the town! it’s really your fault for having such a weird incestuous connection with Pietro that I needed him to manipulate you! You’re the reason for Ralph!”

“I—” Wanda glanced to Rio.

Help !

But Rio had begun to smile at Agatha’s first sentence. Agatha glanced her way, her own mouth upturning when she saw the relief and warmth in Rio’s eyes.

Then her eyes bulged and Wanda saw her grasp her stomach—which Wanda could swear she heard gurgle—before Agatha dashed from the room.

“...You just have to make her ralph, huh?” Rio smirked, sidling up to Wanda and nudging her with an elbow.

“It’s your kid too, you know!”

They were both moments from following after Agatha—someone had to hold her hair—when the brunette returned, looking a little less ill.

“...I’m sorry. About Pietro.” Agatha whispered, looking at neither of them and both of them.

Wanda and Rio smiled at each other before turning their eyes to their third. The woman that bound them both in life, death and chaos.

“S’okay. Things were different between us back then.” Wanda slid her arms around Agatha in a sidelong hug. Agatha relaxed slightly, turned to Rio.

“You don’t need to apologize to me: You came to your senses. Eventually.”

Rio was then on Agatha’s other side, pressing a kiss to the side of her mouth, Agatha exhaled fully, relief washing over her features as she leaned against them.

“...I swear Ralph was gonna be the death of me anyway… Gods he’s a pain the ass….”

“Uh, ladies…?”

They glanced up to see Ralph in the doorway, waving awkwardly.

“I finished the lawn and—just before you think about cursing me—I also took the liberty of cleaning your things, Ms. Harkness—” Ralph presented perfectly cleaned and folded clothing. Agatha looked mildly impressed.

Rio frowned, and Wanda caught a glint of green in her brown eyes.

“What is it?!” She whispered.

“Odd. I think a new Time of Death is forming…”

“—And I even cleaned that brooch of yours! Some hair got in it, but I cleared all that out!”

Wanda clamped both hands over her mouth to cover the gasp, looking horrified at Ralph.

Rio clicked her tongue in understanding.

And Agatha…

Well, it was a good thing Agatha was back to using necromancy.

Because Ralph Bohner was about to need someone to bring him back to life.

Chapter Text

Jen’s lips curled into a smile as soft as the sunlight streaming in through the windows. Lilia’s hand gently traced along her thigh as Jen leaned against her, watching Alice laid out on the floor amongst wooden toy blocks and plastic animals.

Alice cooed at the toddler standing upright on her chest, and Jen marveled for what was surely the hundredth time how miraculous it was that a child that was part Agatha could be so unquestioningly adorable.

“...We could have another one, you know.” Lilia whispered softly, following Jen’s line of sight.

Jen’s eyes slide sideways towards her as she chuckled.

“You're after more chaos?”

“She’s got a point, Jen. Aster could use a sibling!” Alice chimed a second before blowing a raspberry into the toddler’s tummy. Aster giggled.

“Is this you volunteering to do the proverbial heavy lifting?”

“I think Lilia’s the childbearing expert, actually!”

“Father Time might make that a little diffic—OW!”

Jen winced as Lilia’s elbow found one of her ribs.

“Just joking!”

“Agatha’s basically the same age as me!” Lilia muttered through gritted teeth. Jen’s hand slid under her cheek, and she gently turned Lilia to face her.

“Hey, do not feel the need to compare yourself to Agatha in any way. I would love you if you were 10,000 years old,” Jen’s smile returned as Lilia’s face relaxed.

“I keep forgetting how skillful you are with that tongue of yours!”

“...Why don’t I give you a reminder?”

Jen heard Alice muttering something about children being present, but the concern disappeared when she leaned into kiss the partner closest to her, imbibing in the taste of chamomile on Lilia’s lips.

“Would I do that for Agatha?!” Jen, eyes still closed as she pressed her forehead to Lilia’s, smiled.

“...I dunno, why don’t you tell me, Kale?!”

Jen frowned. Pulled her head back. And opened her eyes.

Agatha Harkness was sitting where Lilia had been a moment earlier, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

She reached down to the floor in front of the sofa where one of Aster’s toys—a tiny water gun—had been haphazardly discarded. She raised the gun and fired a few squirts.

Even if she hadn’t Jen’s reaction to Agatha’s mere appearance would have been the same: she opened her mouth and screamed.

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!”

“Jen’s awake!” Agatha called behind her.

Jen shot up to a seated position and vigorously wiped at her face as water dripped from her eyebrows. She opened her eyes to see the rest of the coven standing around the couch where she must have fallen asleep.

Wanda had her head buried in her hands in clear embarrassment.

Lilia was grumbling and tapping her foot, looking particularly impatient at Agatha.

Sharon was cheerfully hoisted a posterboard with a picture of a harried old man checking his watch before a sea of presents reading: IT’S FATHER TIME!

Billy was shaking his head in disbelief while Tommy chuckled, rubbing Charlie’s belly as the Hel-hound rolled around (looking very near to catching the carpet on fire) excitedly.

Rio was standing behind the source of Jen’s problems at that moment: Agatha, beaming with one hand draped over her pregnant belly and the other holding a water gun. Unlike the dream it wasn’t a tiny adorable children toy, but some sort of high capacity water rifle.

“Aunt Ags, can I have my Super Soaker back now?! I still have to kick Billy’s butt—it’s a Father’s day tradition!”

“Oh, right… Sure thing!” Agatha was still smirking down at Jen as she tossed the toy behind her. Tommy caught it with a cheer then aimed at Billy.

“Oh no you don’t!” Billy raced from the room as Tommy began pumping the slide. Tommy let him fully disappear into the adjoining room before he disappeared after him the blink of an eye.

“Why Harkness?! Just why?!” Jen hissed.

“Hey, it was Mrs. Hart’s idea!”

Jen looked at Sharon, betrayed. Sharon released one end of the posterboard to raise the free hand defensively.

“I just said you looked so peaceful and too bad we couldn’t all be dreaming away!”

“So I used a little magic to join you, but…. I got bored. And more importantly I need my presents!”

“Yeah, what did you get her?!” Rio intoned, narrowing her eyes.

Jen’s bewildered look only grew.

“What?!”

“For Father’s Day. She woke all of us up looking for gifts.” Wanda sighed, finally sitting down next to Agatha on the Ottoman in front of the sofa Jen had herself out on.

“What?! I get this entire situation is bizarre, but aren’t you suppose to get us presents? You’re the mother, not the father!”

“What is a mother, if not a second father?!” Agatha said with such bold confidence Jen was beginning to second guess her own words.

“That…. Doesn’t make any sense… But even if it did, why don’t you have a present for us, your fellow mothers…. Fathers… Parents?!”

Agatha raised both her hands and pointed her index fingers down to her middle which looked as ripe as any melon.

“My presents are on the way and due for delivery in 3 to 14 months.”

“What?! Are you an elephant?!”

“Watch it!” Agatha growled.

“Kids come when they come, every pregnancy is different.” Wanda, completely familiar with a pregnancy that didn’t fit into the traditional 36-40 week time frame, chided.

“I don’t think that’s true....” Lilia said, looking at Wanda like she was an alien.

“It is for Agatha. Took her 1 year, 10 months and a day the first time around,” Rio squeezed Agatha’s shoulder supportively, and one of Agatha’s pale hands slid up to pat Rio’s.

“…That...Sucks….” Sharon deadpanned.

“Where’s Al?! Please tell me you didn’t push her off a building in her dreams or something?!” Jen remarked as Wanda was struggling through the calculation for how long Agatha was pregnant, using her fingers as addition assistance tools.

“I didn’t bother with diving into her head—figured it’d be all grunge bands and arresting people at the mall; she should be dry enough already…”

And as if on cue Alice entered, shaking jet black locks that looked as though they’d recently been washed. No doubt they had—by Agatha’s appropriated Super Soaker—and twisting a t-shirt between her hands to squeeze out as much liquid as possible. Jen did love how Alice didn't live by anyone's standards of modesty. And not just because she got to see Alice in her underwear just then.

“666.” Alice muttered with a glance at Wanda as she trudged into the room.

“What?”

“She was pregnant for 666 days if my math is right,” Alice glowered at Agatha. “We should all take that as a sign.”

“You two are such whiners!” Agatha scoffed.

“You literally invaded my dreams!”

“Oh please, don’t act like it’s the first time you’ve dreamed about me and woken up wet!”

“Yeah! You’re not special!”

Jen and the rest of the coven startled and glanced around to the woman who had just entered: Rebecca Kaplan.

“Oh, er… I mean Jeff and the boys are out on the lawn if we’re doing the Father’s Day celebration thing? Sharon?” Rebecca, blushing furiously, turned to Sharon for any semblance of help.

“Yes! Father’s Day! Fireworks! Celebration!” Sharon shook the poster a couple of times for emphasis and then dashed towards the entryway. Rio slid her hands lower along the sides of Agatha’s arms, gently squeezing to communicate an intention to help her to her feet. Agatha pursed her lips slightly but didn’t outright object when Rio’s hand slid further down and grasped hers. She allowed herself to be hoisted to a standing position as the rest of the coven trudged out in front of them.

“HEY! There she is!” Jeff Kaplan beamed and waved as Agatha waddled out onto the lawn. “So we got everyone, right? Time to start the fireworks?”

“Yeah! I’ll get the lighter!” Billy hopped the porch steps as he made his way back into the house to retrieve the device. The others gathered round a sizzling grill. Alice walked over towards the grill, inspecting the food while also extending her sopping shirt out over it to speed the drying.

“Is this really how you’re supposed to celebrate father’s day?!” Rio whispered to Wanda.

“Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s as good a way as any. Speaking of….” Wanda slid a small box from her pocket, passing it to Rio with a wink. Rio frowned.

“Happy Father’s Day!”

Rio’s pupils expanded. Her cheeks reddened and she quickly looked away, muttering something about foolish mortal sentiminatilities even as she popped off the top of the little box. She frowned as she looked inside, then turned the whole thing upside down over an open palm.

Lilia, looking on from the other side of the grill, saw a shimmer of silver.

“A key?”

“You just… Let yourself in all the time but… If you wanted to come through a door… Now you can!’

“I will not.” Rio drawled.

She slid the key into her pocket.

Wanda smirked, and turned her attention back to Agatha who was now glaring at the two of them.

“Oh, so you two get presents but not me?!” Agatha huffed.

“Actually I didn’t—” Wanda started, but Agatha placed two fingers into her mouth and whistled before she could complete the sentence. Tommy raced into view fast enough to make Jeff question his sanity, holding a large box which he presented to Wanda with a wink to Agatha. Agatha smirked and ruffled his hair.

“Despite the fact that you’re sort of a deadbeat…”

“Really?!” Wanda shook her head but a smile crinkled the edge of her eyes.

“Yes, really—poor Billy spent his formative years with the Kaplans and yours truly! You better step it up or that’s the last daddy day gift you get, red!”

Wanda chuckled as she pulled open the gift box to reveal….

“A toaster?! Seriously?!”

“Red! With green and gold finishing—it’s compact enough to snuggle in bed too, just in case either me or Rio aren’t around to warm your buns!”

Billy had just returned with the lighter when Agatha finished her tease.He promptly tossed the lighter to his mother and dashed back inside, hoping he would make it to the garbage quickly enough to puke.

“Sooooo they’re still pretty weird, huh?” Jeff asked his wife through a forced smile. Rebecca nodded dreamily.

“….Yeah, but imagine a sandwich made with the three of them…”

Jeff stared. Rebecca forced her own smile and pressed the lighter into his chest.

“Here’s the lighter, sweetie! Let’s light some fireworks!”

Wanda placed the toaster down next to her feet, smiling up at Agatha and mouthing thank you. Agatha gave a knowing smile, then her expression became stern.

“So on top of giving you the house that that key you gave to Rio goes to, and giving you the toaster, I’m also filled to the brim with your hellspawn—”

“Does she not realize she’s the devil?!” Lilia muttered.

“—And yet I get nothing for Father’s Day?!”

“Do you only give presents expecting something in return?” Alice asked, putting her shirt back on now that it had dried sufficiently.

“Why else would you give presents?” Agatha stared blankly.

Sharon rolled her eyes.

“Oh my goddess! Let’s just give it to her already so she stops whining!” Jen said.

Agatha blinked.

“Did you really think no one expected your tantrums by now?” Jen let herself be more than a little smug. Alice gave Charlie a look. The Hel-Hound nodded and raced off, returning a moment later with a long cylindrical package, wrapped rather haphazardly in Christmas themed wrapping paper. Lilia found herself a little disturbed at how well Alice had trained the monstrous dog. But she looked on with the rest of the coven as he deposited the package at Agatha’s feet, wagging his tail proudly as Alice walked over to pet him on the head.

Jeff Kaplan stared at Charlie. He leaned down to whisper into his wife’s ear:

“Honey… Is that dog… on fire… And a skeleton?!”

“Don’t. Ask. Questions, Jeffrey!” Rebecca replied through teeth gritted into a forced, highly nervous smile.

Sharon gave a ‘been there’ look.

“I LOVE IT!” Agatha pronounced.

“You don’t even know what it is!” Wanda laughed.

Agatha shook her head, hugging the still wrapped package tightly too her chest.

“Doesn’t matter! I still love it!”

“Why don’t you actually open it?!”

Agatha didn’t need a second request, she pulled the package back from her chest and tore it open, frowning when she saw the cylinder was a tube containing some rolled up piece of fabric. She slid her hand into the tube, and began tugging it out. It took longer than she expected, and by the time she had fully removed the object she saw why:

“It’s a quilt?!” Agatha whispered, awed as her fingers traced along patterns of rabbits and potions. Grimoires and Tarot cards. Scarlet music notes and green scythes.

"We all made it together!" Wanda whispered.

“Thank you.” Agatha murmured, not quite able to connect her blue eyes with any of her coven.

Rio kissed her gently on the cheek, squeezing next to her and placing her hands over Agatha’s still clutching the quilt.

“We thought it would help keep the three of you warm!”

“Happy Father’s Day, Harkness!” Jen tugged the bottom of the quilt up to prevent it scraping the ground.

“I’m really confused about this whole thing, but Happy Dad Day to you, lady!” Jeff clapped.

“Thanks Jeffrey! You know at one point I thought about killing you and Bex—really glad I didn’t!”

“Wait, what?!”

“LET’S GET TO THE HOT DOGS!” Sharon interjected before Jeff could think too deeply about Agatha’s pronouncement.

“I’ll toast everyone’s buns!” Wanda raised the toaster high.

Lilia was surprised the entire coven hadn’t tired of parties at this point, but she shrugged off the concern by the time a plate came her way. It took them all no longer than five minutes to settle into position eating, fireworks managed by Jeff, Billy and Tommy sparking and popping in the night sky.

Agatha was nestled under her quilt in the beach chair, balancing a plate of food on her swollen belly while eating from another held between her hands. Wanda looked at the precariously balanced plate on her bump, her visage growing more nervous as it shifted in response to kicks from the children within her partner.

Rio, of course not needing sustenance, occasionally fed Agatha from a third plate, free hand brushing through brown locks.

Alice tossed morsels to Charlie between bites of her own as Jen patted her knee. Sharon and Rebecca talked conspiratorially with one another, often pointing at other members of the coven and no doubt discussing their quirks.

Lilia smiled at the whole group, leaning next to Jen.

“So… What were you really dreaming about before you were so rudely awakened, my dear?”

Jen turned to Lilia much in the same way as she had in her dream.

“What else? You….” Jen kissed her gently, pulled back (perhaps too quickly—just so she could check and see if she was actually kissing Lilia) then gave a wave around the lawn.

“And…. This!”

Lilia smiled and nodded. Content with the answer.

Sometimes, she too felt this life was like a dream.

Chapter Text

Shadow shimmered as the man faded into wisps of nothingness.

Rio nodded in approval as the Scarlet Witch stood from her position over the Revenant she had just vanquished.

“What did you say his name was, again?” Wanda asked quietly.

“‘NicePool.’”

“Weird name.”

“No weirder than Wanda.” Rio shrugged. She turned, fully intending to simply disappear until she felt the presence of another Revenant or… Until Agatha…

She pushed the thought from her mind.

Agatha had become a ghost to get away from her.

And she knew how much Rio hated ghosts. Almost as much as she hated Revenants. Then again, she had a soft spot for the Revenants. Since Agatha Harkness had decided to take the Abomination Teen on a quest to find his mystic birth mother and brother, and actually been successful.

Rio had intended to give Agatha her space, but letting two Abominations roam free without consequence wouldn’t do.

Lady Death had a reputation.

But as much as it pained her to admit it, she also had limits. One such limit was killing an honest to Goddess Nexus Being (she still couldn't believe Agatha had actually stumbled upon not only RIo herself, but another witch with nearly Infinite power)...

There was a whole procedure for getting approval for that . And she was too lazy to bother with the paperwork, not to mention Death of Deaths was annoying and rigid.

So when Wanda threw herself and all of her annoying Chaos magic between Rio and Tommy, Rio found herself once again with limited options.

And she once again struck a deal.

“Revenants are beings whose time has passed yet who refuse to join me for their journey. Help me find them and for as long as you serve as my Sorcerer Supreme—”

“Wait, I thought I was a witch?!”

Rio squeezed the bridge of her nose and inhaled sharply. She released a cleansing exhale.

“Okay, my ‘Witch Without Equal’. Work with me and I will not Take the boy.”

And now Wanda was here.

And there.

And everywhere Rio needed her to bring Revenants to rest.

The fact that Agatha still floated around Billy’s attic didn’t mean that Rio was going to come crawling back begging for forgiveness for doing her fucking job .

“You seem tense.” Wanda murmured, lips pursed as she tiled her head to assess Lady Death.

“I’m fine!” Rio snapped. She paced across the hardwood flooring of the hotel suite that the assassin had rented. It was quite nice. And had a pool. Maybe that’s why he was named that.

“You don’t look fine.”

“And how would you know how fine looks?”

If Wanda understood it was meant to be an insult she didn’t show it, instead pacing across the room towards Rio. Rio glanced up to her—finding herself annoyed that with those garish boots the Scarlet Witch was a couple of inches taller than her—and glared. Wanda simply looked at her, expressionless for a moment, before saying words Rio had never expected her to say:

“I think we should fuck.”

Rio blinked. Trying to process the words.

Suddenly Wanda was standing right in front of her . Red hair flowed into her line of sight and Rio felt her breath hitch in her throat.

She was Lady Death and she was getting… Nervous?!

“You’re… Insa—”

Wanda shut her up with a kiss. Their lips locked together for far too short a time.

Wanda pulled away, smirking.

“I’ve done crazier!”

Rio sighed. Eyes still closed.

“So…. What do you think?” Wanda whispered into Rio’s ear, lips hovering dangerous close to the lobe.

“I understand you have a hard time dealing with your feelings…” Rio’s hand pressed gently to Wanda’s chest. Power began to pulse through her body. Wanda pulled back, looking at her curiously. “...But if you really want to taste a little Death again… You’re going to have to live for it!” Rio’s voice shifted to a growl by the last words and Wanda’s eyes reflected more than just apprehension or surprise.

They reflected a witch who knew she’d been caught red-handed.

And they were also, for a fraction of a second, blue.

Rio pressed harder into Wanda’s chest and the pulse of energy expanded outward and into Wanda Maximoff’s body.

And pushed Agatha Harkness’ spirit out of the Scarlet Witch’s form.

Agatha, fully a white haired ghost, flew back through the air a few meters before steadying herself in midair, shaking her head to clear the cobwebs of both possessing Wanda and being so forcefully expelled. She crossed her arms, glaring at Rio. Rio mimicked the stance, then looked at Wanda.

“I told you it wouldn’t work!” Wanda was grumbling even as Rio asked:

“Whose idea was this?!”

“Hers!” Wanda said sheepishly. Rio found herself impressed by the Scarlet Witch’s resilience.

“Hey! Don’t be a snitch!” Agatha punched at Wanda’s arm, but her fist passed harmlessly through Wanda’s flesh.

“Were you two really going to go through with this if I didn’t figure it out?!”

“Absolutely!" “NO! Of course not!”

Agatha smirked. Wanda glanced to Agatha, horrified.

“She knew I’d know it was her,” Rio offered Wanda, glancing to her for a second before turning back to Agatha.

“And since you knew I’d know, why even bother?”

“Can’t a gal miss her lady?!” Agatha drawled, but her eyes were cast around the room as though admiring the (admittedly fancy) décor.

“A gal that said she ‘never wants to see my face again?!’”

“….A lot of regrettable things were said. Some by you, some by me….”

“I never—”

“Okay, okay! Fine! I fucked up, but I didn’t expect… I didn’t think I would… Feel...This way again.” Agatha remained focused on the décor. She didn’t see Rio soften.

“You two should work it out.” Wanda said quietly. They both turned their heads to Wanda, refusing to pass their eyes over one another in the journey.

“Is that why you let her take possession of your body?!”

“I’ve let a lot nastier things inside me,” Wanda said. She frowned, considering the words as both Rio and Agatha looked at with a mixture of disgust and confusion, “I just meant… I absorbed a lot of dark magic when I was trying to capture America….” Wanda muttered bashfully.

T he statement hung in the air for an uncomfortable length of time until Rio broke the silence. Her finger hovered beneath a decorative plant

“…I wouldn’t say no.” Rio murmured as Green danced along the edge of the plant. She frowned when her magic refused the react. The plant was as lifeless as…. “But you’d have to be… Corporeal.”

“Why?!” Agatha whined.

Rio finally looked at her, eyes narrowed.

You know why .

Wanda didn’t actually hear Death say the words, but she was fairly certain the look carried them to Agatha well enough. Agatha raised her arms up and down in a huff.

“Right! You hate ghosts! Well in case you hadn’t noticed, there are rules about that sort of thing! How exactly do you expect me to just ‘come back to life?!’”

“...I could…” Rio bit her bottom lip. Didn't finish the thought before Agatha tore into her:

“That would drive you mad! Don’t think I forgot how much you love your ‘job’” Agatha scoffed.

Rio flinched, but held Agatha’s gaze.

Agatha got the distinct sense that she’d been considering this for far longer than tonight.

“My job is the Cycle. Things passing in their Time. When you kissed me you took…. When you weren’t supposed to.”

“...I know what that’s like.” Agatha locked eyes with her once again. Rio did glance away now. Agatha released a sigh.

Wanda looked between them for explanation.

None was forthcoming.

Instead, Rio crossed over to Agatha, reaching out for the ephemeral hand of the ghostly witch. Agatha reached out and clasped her hand over Rio’s.

Wanda blinked as she saw their appendages touch.

Apparently being Death had its perks.

Rio slid her fingers free from Agatha’s grasp. Sat down on the bed and fiddled with her feet. Wanda glanced around the room and suddenly felt a little overdressed. She fluttered her fingers and the Scarlet Witch armor disappeared.

“Why do you need me to be alive when you can just… When I can feel you?!” Agatha whispered, setting herself down next to Rio on the bed.

“Touching you doesn’t mean I feel you.”

At this point Wanda was getting a little tired of the long silences.

Agatha broke it this time:

“...What if something… unexpected happens again?!” Agatha’s voice quavered as she focused her eyes on hands, now folded in her lap.

“...Would that be so bad?!” Rio asked.

Agatha’s face jerked to face her, blue irises hard and pointed as arrow tips. Rio raised her hands defensively.

“Kidding!”

“Were you?!”

“...Don’t ask me if you don’t want to know the answer.”

“Um, excuse me… What exactly are you two worried might happen?!” Wanda looked between them for any hint of explanation. Their minds were as frustratingly closed as their lips.

“Don’t worry about it.” Rio said.

“Don’t say that if you—”

Rio placed a hand over Agatha’s.

Once again, it didn’t fall through, just rested gently against her wrist. Agatha’s expression softened, her body relaxing.

“You’ll breathe again with no ill effects—”

“That’s a one in a trillion shot!”

“One Hundred Percent. With her,” Rio glanced to Wanda, a reflection of desire in her eyes.

It was the first time since Wanda had burst free from the rubble of Wundagore. No, maybe the first time since she’d created Billy and Tommy, that she felt her power was a blessing. A gift she could share.

How odd that she would share it with the two witches she’d considered to have taken so much from her.

She nodded, a little solemn bow that Rio reflected on for a split second before returning her eyes to Agatha.

“Chaos and creation. I’ll guide the Scarlet Witch.”

Agatha glanced between them in silent contemplation. Finally, she huffed and nodded.

“You two are lucky you’re so fucking—”

“Adorable?” “Powerful?”

“Hot! One of you I’d turn down, but when I’m back in the flesh…” Agatha slid her fingers through Rio’s hair, tugging her closer with a hungry snarl. Rio leaned into the kiss, found herself gasping for breath when Agatha released her after a long moment and turned to face Wanda. Ghostly fingers passed over Wanda’s lips as Agatha bit her own bottom lip.

Wanda breathed in steadily, feeling the cool touch of Agatha’s spectral form along her mouth.

“So….How do we do this?!” Wanda asked after a beat.

Rio smirked, eyes shimmering with Green.

Wanda suddenly heard every thought passing through Rio’s mind.

A ghostly hand was on her thigh. Rio’s hand extended and clasped Wanda’s, squeezing gently for a fraction of a second. Wanda followed the pattern laid out in her mind.

When Rio released her hand, it shimmered with three rings, laid over each other as though they could interlock, though the bands were not actually connected. Rio took one of the obsidian black bands from her palm, smiling as a line of violet energy traced a swirling Triquetria pattern otherwise invisible through the material. She took Wanda’s free hand, gently slipping the ring a black finger.

For once, Wanda didn’t flinch as she looked at her hands.

“Now you can touch her….” Rio murmured, glancing from Wanda to Agatha. Agatha glanced to Wanda, eyes unreadable.

Wanda knew by now that Agatha Harkness didn’t like to ask for anyone’s affection. Her fingers gently brushed through strands of pure white hair. Her fingers paused when she felt the familiar bristle of individual strands rather than whatever form of ectoplasm ghosts seemed to be made of. Her hand curled inward to brush against Agatha’s cheek.

Rio gave a brief glance of approval before she took another ring, this one shimmering with scarlet for a moment, and slipped it over Agatha’s finger.

“...And she can feel you…” Rio glanced from Agatha to Wanda this time. Agatha frowned, not following the meaning then, a quiet whisper from the recesses of her mind. A thought that wasn’t hers. No, not quite a thought.

A feeling.

Amazing.

Agatha smirked.

The final ring lay in Wanda’s palm for only a moment. Agatha, as though testing her ability to freely interact with the world again, picked it up, mouth slightly agape in awe. She smirked when she held it with far less trouble than she had anything else.

She truly was not a ghost any longer. She glanced to Rio, who held out a hand with a smirk, wiggling a finger. Wanda snorted. Agatha rolled her eyes and slid the ring onto Rio’s finger.

“...And now I can touch both of—”

“Shut up!” Agatha kissed her again, growling against her lips.

She’d been a ghost for far too long.

It was about time she had a little Death.

“….And Wanda was getting really frisky with the Chaos magic—I asked her what kinds of things she can make and before you know it, she was pitching a tent in her yoga pan—”

“Agatha… Who are you talking to?!”

Agatha glanced up from the stool she was sitting on, twisting towards the trapdoor for the attic, which Wanda was ascending.

Wanda took the last few steps to the Kaplan’s attic with a familiar mix of anticipation and apprehension when Agatha was doing something out of the ordinary.

Which was basically every hour of every day, so she was used to the feeling.

“Filming.” Agatha responded succinctly, twisting her body on the stool, one hand planted on her back while the other absentmindedly toyed with the hem of a shirt that no longer covered her stomach.

“...Filming… What?!”

“Home movies, what else?! So when this dynamic duo,” Agatha pressed gently to the swollen mound resting on her lap, “gets here they’ll know all about how they came to be!”

Wanda blinked, glancing to the digital video recorder that looked like it was probably used to film William Kaplan’s birth and childhood, and looked back to Agatha in horror.

“Wait, you were just talking about… The conception?!”

Agatha gave her a look as though it was obvious.

“You can’t talk about that on film!” Wanda hissed, hurrying to the recorder. She was fiddling with the device, trying to get it to erase the last few minutes.

“Those are precious memories!” Agatha shot back.

“Not in that level of detail!”

“What’s wrong with details?”

Wanda twisted around to see Rio, once again appearing from nothing but shadows, swirling her blade and quickly crossing the distance to her pregnant wife. Agatha smirked, leaning into her and sticking her tongue out at Wanda.

“See?!”

“Really?! Would you want to know anything about how your mother came to have you?!” Wanda was very intentional with her verbiage.

Agatha paled. Rio suddenly looked like she was about to vomit.

Agatha closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She released a long, cleansing breath.

Then promptly threw the camcorder out the window.

Wanda crossed her arms, bemused.

Agatha did that little shrug she was wont to do before saying succinctly:

“We’ll tell them they dropped from an apple tree!”