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Buzzing. Screaming.
The two things that plagued Tyler's mind right now. He didn't even know if he was himself anymore. All that he knows is the familiar deep tone of a voice, similar to his own, echoing, telling him that he isn't worth it, telling him that no one loved him. Everyone was going to leave anyway.
Coping was not one of the things carried on his train of thought at the moment so he lay on the cold tile of his bathroom floor, slapping the side of his head weakly with his palm, tears streaming down his face.
YOU'RE INCOMPLETE. A WRECK. DON'T TRUST YOURSELF. WEAK, WEAK, WEAK.
Among the loud voice, he heard a creak, and a soft slam of a door. Josh was back. Even though he'd seen him like this before, he was ashamed now, so vulnerable, so . . . weak.
"Tyler? Tyler! I'm back, are you here, dude?" Josh's familiar voice echoed through the room, and Tyler let out a choked sob in response, beating his head harder with his hand.
Josh perked up upon hearing the sob and ran into the bathroom, his eyes falling upon his petite, fragile best friend quivering on the floor. Kneeling down, he pulled Tyler's hand away from his head, running his own hand through his hair. "Talk to me, Tyler."
HE HATES YOU. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. I'M THE ONLY ONE YOU HAVE. PATHETIC.
Tyler let out a soft wail, gripping for Josh, searching for any kind of consolidation. "Hurts-Hurts Josh. He's back, makehimgoawayplease--" Tyler gasped for air, beginning to hyperventilate.
"He can't get you. I promise, Ty. I've got you. I'm here." Josh quickly snatched a cloth from the counter, wetting it under the faucet. He began to dab at Tyler's forehead, only to be smacked away.
"Don't touch me! N-Nonono, I don't like you!" Tyler cornered himself against the wall, heaving, and crying, gripping the front of his own shirt under his fingers.
Josh quickly gave him more space, watching the other male pick, and prod at his skin. "Ty, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you. " Outstretching a hand, Josh ran his fingers along the underside of Tyler's jaw, the brunette wincing away from the touch like his fingers were made of toxic fire.
HE WANTS TO KILL YOU. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF, HUH? BEING ALONE? HE'S GOING TO ABANDON YOU, TYLER.
Tyler screamed at Josh, launching a soap bottle towards his best friend with great force, hitting Josh right in the hip. "No! get- get it- get him away, you hate me, you're not real!"
Josh grimaced at the sticky soap smearing on his jeans, but disregarded it, sitting down next to Tyler and curling his hand around his. "Tyler, listen to me, he's not real. I am. I'm right here. Feel, Ty. Feel. I'm right here, buddy."
Tyler whined, gripping Josh tightly despite the strong urge to push him off again. Instead, he closed his eyes and did exactly what Josh told him to do. He felt. He felt memories flooding back. Every sense was clouded with Josh, Josh, Josh. But it couldn't block out the voice screaming in his ears. "Make it stop, please." Tyler choked out, huffing out little hurried breaths in between each word.
"Fight it, Tyler. Just think of it as playing the piano, block out everything and focus. Focus on me, okay, like--..Like I'm the piano." Josh's soothing, slightly rough voice reached forward through the noise. "Fight it, dude. You got this."
Tyler ignored the words echoing in his mind and focused on those of his best friend. He buried his head in the side of Josh's neck and growled, a rough, low sound in the back of his throat. Catching onto the hostility, Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's waist, running his calloused fingers down his back. He whispered to Tyler, soft and sweet. "I need you. I love you. Come on, baby boy, you made it this far."
S T O P sSTOSP STOPSTOP- HEDOESNT NEED YOU HE ONLY W ANT SS YOUBBECUASE HE PITIES YO U. WEAK.
With each ounce of courage he had, he tuned out Blurry, listening instead to Josh's words.
"Think of major chords. Think of how they feel, think about the way I make you feel, Tyler."
Something instantly clicked in Tyler. Josh made him feel like sunrise, like ten thousand butterflies erupting in his stomach, a soft glow of pale blue and blush pink. Josh made him smile like no one ever has. He reminded Tyler of daisies and dandelions in spring, the roar of the crowd after a tiresome and stressful day.
I---WIN---T Y-LER I WIN. STOPTRU STING--
Tyler screamed with all his might, grabbing Josh harder and digging his nails into his jacket. And almost as if by magic. Silence. Silence filled with the soft sound of breathing and crying, small hiccup like breaths.
"Shhh. shhh. shhh." He rocked Tyler in his arms, back and forth. A steady rhythm.
"Please don't ever let me go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tyler woke up in bed with Josh, an arm curled tightly around his waist, and lips ever so slightly brushing his neck. Josh was still, but he was awake.
"How are you holdin' up, man?" Josh mumbled against his neck, tracing soft circles with his fingers against Tyler's side.
"Better." Tyler turned around, facing Josh with tired eyes, and sleepy, messy hair. ". . .Thank you, by the way."
"For what?" Josh questioned, gazing into the deep chocolate brown pools of his best friend's eyes.
"Staying, mostly." Tyler hummed, and giggled as he watched the curly haired boy's eyes crinkle up in a smile.
"You're sappy, bro." He pulls up Tyler's hand, kissing his knuckles before intertwining their fingers. "But nah, you're welcome."
"I love you, you big, stupid- nerd." Tyler laughed.
"Aww. Come on. Low blow." Josh grinned, nuzzling up closer. "I love you more, baby boy."