Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Sydney opens her eyes she immediately notices something is off. 

There’s this lump that’s always just below the upper part of her spine on her bed that is the most annoying yet most comfortable thing she’s ever felt. Her mattress isn’t even cheap, she shelled out for it but one of the springs did some fuck shit now. Well now there’s a lump. Or at least there was, because she doesn’t feel it. 

That’s the first indication that she’s not in the same fucking bed she fell asleep in. The second? The second is that Carmy is quietly snoring right next to her with his arm draped around her middle, curly hair slightly flopped over his eyes. 

So yeah, even if she knows something isn’t right and she isn’t in her bed, she can’t help but pull the warm arm that’s wrapped around her closer so that his face is almost nose to nose with hers. 

Sydney feels a soft smile spread across her face as she pushes some of Carmen’s curls out of the way, his blue eyes opening just so that he makes dazed eye contact with her. 

This is probably a dream. Dream stuff doesn’t matter. 

That’s what she tells herself as she bumps her nose against his, and there’s something that tells her to wake the hell up. Maybe it’s the curve of his dimple on her fingertip, maybe it’s the way her hand wraps around to grab a curl, maybe it’s the feeling of Carmy’s own coming up to her face. 

Not a dream. Not a damn dream. 

The only thing she can really think to do is open her eyes and yell. 

“Carmy!” 

He raises his head in a panic. “Huh? Shit!” With that he falls backward off of the bed they’re sharing onto the floor, right onto the non carpeted hardwood. 

“Oh, god, okay.” Sydney hurries to stand and help him up, stretching out an arm and sighing in relief when he doesn’t seem to have any major injuries. 

“Sorry,” she pants slightly. “For um. For yelling. I think. I think we were about to, y’know.” 

“S’fine.” He pants back, and it’s only at that moment that Sydney realizes he’s not wearing a shirt and she’s staring right at the tattoo on his chest. She wants to die. 

“Okay, elephant in the room. You’re in my bed.” 

Carmy spots his t-shirt on the mattress and pulls it on, Sydney having the nerve to feel slightly disappointed. “Uh no. No-no you’re in my… bed. Syd.” 

His eyes start to wander around the room as he trails off and walks around. “What?” Sydney asks. 

“I don’t um. This. This isn’t just my room. I don’t think it’s yours either.” 

She doesn’t say anything but gives him the best confused look she can muster until he holds up a framed photo that’s sitting on the dresser. 

It’s the two of them, Sydney in a white dress and Carmen in a tux. He’s holding her by her waist and pressing a kiss to her cheek and her face is turned right to the camera, smile wide and giddy and eyes scrunched shut. 

A wedding photo. 

“What the fuck? What is this?” She whispers. 

“I um. I’m-I’m not sure. I fell asleep on the couch last night and my bed is a piece of shit. This one is way nicer.” 

“Yeah, mine is shit too.” Sydney says, arms crossed protectively around her middle. “I should go.” 

“Go where? Sydney—"

She pushes past him to the dresser, picking out some clothes she recognizes and shoving them on. “Not here. Look I am. I’m really confused and I don’t know what this is but I’m about to panic bad so I’m gonna go.” 

This doesn’t make any sense. None of this makes any fucking sense. There is no universe where she married her business partner in her sleep. 

Sydney laughs to herself as she boards the L, earning a dirty look from an elderly lady with a cart and a crochet beanie on. 

This doesn’t make any fucking sense. 

There are about six missed calls from Carmen on her phone, and Sydney does her best to ignore the yellow heart right next to his name in her contacts. 

Her fist is slamming on her dad’s door until he finally opens it, wide eyed and grumbling. 

Emmanuel sighs. “Young lady, you know better than to bang on the door like that.” 

“I’m sorry. Can I come in please?” She asks in a rushed jumble. 

Her dad steps aside to let her do just that. She toes off her shoes like normal and makes a straight shot for the living room to sit on the couch. “Honey, you’re worrying me. What’s wrong?” 

“A lot. It’s. I feel like I’m going crazy.” She runs a hand through her braids and one of her fingers gets caught on her hand. Sydney manages to tug her hand off when she spots the set of engagement and wedding bands on her ring finger. 

“Okay,” Her dad drawls. “You sick?” 

“Little nauseous. What year is it?”  

He ignores her question. “You get like that when you’re stressed. You got a fever?” He already slaps a palm onto her forehead which Sydney shoos away. “No, Dad, I don't have a fever. I’m just. I’m-I’m really—" Syd stops herself, not sure what her next words should even be. 

“Baby, I can call Carmen if you want me to. We’ll both take you out to get some food, how’s that sound? Should make you feel better.” 

Sydney doesn’t know how to get all of her questions out. Doesn’t even know where to begin, so all she’s left with is the ability to nod numbly. 

“Okay, good. I’ll let him know now, go get washed up, you're all sweaty.” 

At least here with her dad is still as familiar as it always is. As it’ll ever be. Syd rolls her eyes and heads to the bathroom. Freezing cold water is splashed onto her face before she even takes a shower. If this is a dream, she’s taking a really long time to fucking wake up. 

Her dad leads her to her favorite diner and asks for a booth, looking over his shoulder every five seconds. 

Carmy gets there not too long after they do, looking around for them awkwardly and shuffling over. Emmanuel stands and Sydney doesn’t know what else to do but follow suit. He gets a hug from her dad and turns toward her, only to be met with wide brown eyes and her hand out to shake. 

Emmanuel gives them both an odd look as they all sit down again. 

“Y’all are in a fight aren’t you?” He sighs. 

“No.” They both say in unison, eyes locking for a split second. 

“We’re just… I-I mean I’m just—" Sydney starts. 

“We were wondering if you had another um. Another story? About our wedding?” 

Sydney’s eyes go wider as she looks over at Carmy who is making a valiant effort not to make eye contact with her. “I’m sorry, Dad, will you excuse us?” She pulls Carmen by his sleeve and leads him to the corner where the old jukebox still stands. 

“What are you doing?” She whispers harshly. 

“I’m asking a question.” He replies, almost indignant. “Don’t you wanna know what the fuck is going on? Why we’re suddenly… together?” 

“Not just together, Carmy. We’re fucking together by law. Married, people think we’re fucking married. Oh my god—" 

“Sydney, stop freaking or your dad is gonna lose it. There is no way we’re married. Or-or that people think we are. This has to be some kind of joke, or a hallucination or something,” Carmy reasons. 

“So what’s your grand suggestion?” She breathes out. 

He runs a hand through his curls and it makes her stomach flip. “We play along until we can get someone to tell us the truth. Pick up the pieces and figure it out from there.” He places a hand on Sydney’s shoulder and it does nothing to quell her stomach’s somersaults. 

“That’s. Okay that’s surprisingly reasonable.” Syd tilts her head back and forth. 

He narrows his eyes at her, a small chuckle bubbling up from his throat. “I deserved that. Let’s go.” 

“Wait.” She grabs his sleeve again. “When you say ‘play along’ do you mean—?” 

“No.” He blurts out quicker than she would have liked. “N-no um. Nothing like that. Words only.” 

Sydney nods, walking back with him to the booth. “Words only. Got it.” 

“I could talk for hours about the ceremony. You know what it reminded me of? Sydney I never told you this but there was this flower your mom loved. Lilacs. She loved ‘em and every time we went out on a date I got her those flowers. And lo and behold they were in the reception bouquet. That’s right around when you told me to stop crying.” 

Sydney chuckles softly at that. “That’s really nice, Dad.” 

“Yeah, we um. We’re happy you enjoyed yourself,” Carmy adds. 

Emmanuel gives them both a slightly incredulous look. “Everyone did! You two went all out. Even your Aunt Sharon didn’t have anything bad to say and you know that lady is a tough critic.” 

“We invited Aunt Sharon?” Sydney asks with a certain look on her face before she realizes she did, Carmy lightly tapping her on the thigh in alarm. 

“You must be real tired, baby, I’ll blame it on jet lag. Now I never loved how fast you two moved, getting your own apartment just after a couple months dating and all. But it was all for this. Seeing you this happy. It’s worth all the work in the world. So don’t let some fight get in the way of it,” Emmanuel finishes. 

“We’re not—" Sydney tries. 

“I heard you the first time. Let me call the waitress back over for a slice of pie.” 

Waking up next to Sydney is the last place Carmy ever expected to be. 

He’s thought about it before, at this point it’s something he can admit to himself. Just in passing, just what it might be like to hang out with her outside of work, hear her laugh again because of him, what all of that would lead to. 

When the daydream itself led to even the brief thought of her in his bed, Carmen wanted to smack the shit out of himself. He doesn’t think of her that way. Even if he did, when the fuck would he even be worth her time? 

No. 

It makes all of this pretty hard to believe. 

Emmanuel gets a phone call and apologizes to them both for an emergency he needs to get to at work. 

“Let me get the tip,” He fumbles with his wallet and Carmy puts a hand up to stop him. 

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Adamu. I got it.” Carmen tries for a confident smile but her dad must see right through it because he narrows his eyes at him, stern.

“It’s Emmanuel, son. We talked about this.” 

His heart thumps in his chest as the man leaves, Carmy being left alone with Sydney’s big brown eyes and the worried crinkle between them. 

“I um. I really don’t know what we should be doing now. I’m still 80% sure this is some kind of a fever dream.” Sydney says, sighing. 

“Yeah, m’not sure either,” Carmy replies. “I can take you back to your place.” 

Sydney shakes her head. “At the risk of going to my apartment just to realize I don’t have the key to it anymore, I’m gonna go ahead and make the assumption that the place we woke up in together is um. Is ours. Together. Like my dad said.” 

“Oh,” he sighs, realizing that she’s exactly right. “Yeah. I’ll um. I’ll take you back and just. I don’t know I’ll fuck off somewhere else so we can both have some time to think.” 

She nods and though it’s probably the most awkward car ride they’ve ever been in together, they’re back in front of an unfamiliar brownstone in the next 20 minutes. 

Syd unbuckles her seat belt. “Carmy, I get that I already said I don’t know what the fuck’s happening, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.” 

He nods. “I’m scared too. This is some fucked up misunderstanding. It has to be. I’d never. I’d never do this to you.” 

Sydney’s face morphs from fear to worry. “You wouldn’t—" she shakes her head and puts a hand on the door handle. “Look, I’ll see you later okay? If you’re going to the restaurant just. Just don’t stay too long. Alright?” 

“I really don’t wanna be in your space—" 

“Please.” Sydney presses and Carmy goes mute, simply nodding again as she opens the door, steps out and shuts it. 

Although he considers it for a split second, Carmen doesn’t plan on spending the night at the restaurant, wants to get home to Sydney like he promised her he would. 

Home. He repeats in his head. Home. Home. Home. 

The Bear is sparkling by the time he’s finished up, a call coming in on his phone from Natalie just as he’s about to leave. 

“Yo,” he answers. 

“Hey, are you two done with everything?” 

“Done um. Done with…?” Carmen trails off. 

He can practically hear his sister roll her eyes. “Done at the stationary store. You said you were working through thank you notes for the wedding gifts.” 

Fucking play along. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah that’s. That’s all done. What do you want?” 

“I want you two to come over because your niece is asking for her aunt and uncle and I’m tired of telling her she’ll see you soon.” 

Something about that makes Carmen’s heart flutter. He clears his throat. “Sug, we’re really busy today alright. We’ll be there next week, I swear.” 

Natalie groans. “Fine. Tell Syd I’ll call her later.” She hangs up and Carmy gets in his car to head back home to an address he doesn’t need directions to. He just knows.

Sydney gets home and actually spends a full five minutes frozen in the doorway. This apartment is a fucking stranger’s place. She’s never been here before. But apparently, she has. At least some version of her. 

After her five minutes are up she starts to snoop. 

“Why is this place so nice?” She mumbles to herself before shaking her head. Like she’d let Carmen dull up a place she lived in too. At least that makes sense. 

There are paintings on the walls, Carmen’s signature at the bottom and Sydney spots writing on the very top corner that says for Syd. All of the paintings on the wall do. Paintings of croissants and bowls of soup and ribeyes. 

One in the center of her risotto. Her risotto. 

Sydney’s heart jumps. 

Decent sized TV, cute couch, snacks in the cabinets, food stocked up. They have a fucking life together. 

There’s a small book on the coffee table and Sydney picks it up, sitting down on the couch and crossing her legs. 

It’s a soft brown leather book that when opened reveals an album of photos of her and Carmen. Baby photos, childhood photos, photos of them together. She remembers some of them, like the one they took during her first week at The Beef side by side. Most of them she doesn’t remember, like one that pictures the two of them taking a selfie at the park. Kissing. 

“Alright, that’s enough of that.” Sydney mutters and shuts the book closed with more force than she needs to. At that moment Carmen walks through the door, and Sydney doesn’t know whether or not to be relieved to see him. 

“You’re back.” She says, smiling gently. 

“I’m back.” Carmy returns her smile and looks like he’s going to sit down next to her but rethinks it, which makes Sydney roll her eyes. 

“You can sit down next to me, dude. I’m not gonna maul you.” 

He does and sighs. “If I’m the last person you wanna fucking be around right now I get it. This is. This is insane. I don’t even. I don’t even know how this happened.” 

“I know, neither do I.” she agrees. “I um, I took a look around and it looks like this is legit. We live here together, we're… together. This fucking version of us I guess. And-and I swear I wouldn’t just like, marry you in our sleep. So,” 

Carmy gives her a small smile, one of those that she notices he tries to hide, one of the ones she likes the most. “I believe you.” He sighs as he drags his hands across his face. “What the fuck are we gonna do?” 

Syd shrugs. “I don’t know. But something triggered this, right? Magic or a curse or something. So we have to un-trigger it. For um for now, we just operate normally. Play along.” She claps her hands together. 

“Carmy,” she continues waiting for his sad blue eyes to lock with hers. “This is happening to you too. Stop apologizing for something you didn’t do. You’re not the last person I’d wanna be in this shit with. Okay?” 

Syd’s face goes hot as Carmen leans in a little bit and she doesn’t know what she’s expecting, not sure what she even wants. But his voice deepens from its usual boyishness to conviction. 

“I’m gonna get you out of this, Sydney. I promise.” 

She gives him a shy smile, feeling an odd urge to reach for his hand and raise it to her lips. Instead she says “I’m tired. We should get to bed, yeah?” 

He nods. 

“You can take the bed, I’ll um. I’ll make up the couch.” 

“Carmy, fuck that. We both woke up in the bed. S’only fair we keep sharing it.” 

Carmen nods rapidly and it actually pushes a laugh out of her. 

When they’re back in bed, Sydney buries herself under the comforter and her eyes refuse to close, thinking about if Carmen is asleep yet, if he wants to talk. 

“Night, Syd.” He whispers into the darkness and Sydney still wants to reach over for him. 

“Night.” She whispers back. 

It’s probably nothing. 

Chapter Text

Hi! This is Chef Sydney Adamu-Berzatto. Leave a message at the beep! Beep! Sorry, that was me. Okay… now. (BEEP) 

Sydney groans as she overhears her own voice. God, it sounds so weird. Leaving a voicemail message always sounded so oddly grown up so Syd never bothered with it before, but she guesses getting married made her really wanna make one. Hard to blame herself. She’s so focused on that, it doesn’t even occur to her what the tinny message actually said. 

She pulls out her wallet and her ID which confirms her suspicion. 

“I’m a hyphenator.” She blurts as Carmy comes to a red light on their way to work. 

“A what-anator?” Carmy asks. 

“I hyphenated my last name and yours. I’m Sydney Adamu-Berzatto.” She shows him her ID and Carmy’s eyes widen. He stays silent.

“Crazy I know.” 

“No. I mean yes but um. I like your ID picture. You look. You look nice.” 

“Thanks.” Sydney mutters not knowing what else to say to that. “I hope at least work is normal.” She finally says after a while. 

“We’re not the PDA type I’m assuming. We’re professionals. So it’s just gonna be the usual shit. I’m not worried,” Carmen says confidently and Sydney almost believes him. 

“Even though we’re obviously happy go lucky newlyweds?” Sydney questions. 

“Syd. It’s us. It’s our place. It’s still the same shit,” Carmy affirms as he pulls into the lot. 

Like she said. Almost. 

“Yo, lovebirds!” Richie shouts as soon as he arrives in the morning which makes both of them sigh. “I know you said to send an email to your old CIA classmate or whatever for spilling wine all over her at the wedding but—" 

“You spilled wine on someone at our wedding?” Sydney asked, voice backed by an anger she’s not entirely aware of. 

“Sydney, princess, we went over this. She was wearing white. I did it for you!” Richie protests. “Anyways I’ll do it soon, get you that gift too, I didn’t forget.” 

“Look, Cousin, we don’t have to talk about the wedding or-or anything, alright? Just business as usual.” 

Richie scoffs and it turns into a laugh. “You’re kidding. You two are the fucking it couple now. I’m pretty sure that’s half of what our promotion’s turned into and—the fuck am I telling you this for? I’ll be out front.” He laughs again as he claps Carmen’s shoulder and leaves. 

Sydney shuffles toward him. “Okay so we know that we moved in together a couple months after being with each other—" 

“—That we’ve been together at least a couple of months,” Carmy continues. 

“Right. And that our wedding was a little bit ago. Guess that means we’re technically in the future. Some future at least. We probably just got back from our honeymoon,” 

“In Ireland.” 

“Ireland yeah we—" Sydney stops. “How did you know that?” She whispers and Carmy already has that panicked look on his face. 

“I don’t. I don’t know. Sydney I swear I—" 

“Morning Jeffs.” Tina calls as she arrives alongside Marcus who gives them a warm smile and a wave. 

Carmy places a hand on her arm that shoots her attention back to him. “Can you handle prep today?” 

“Alone? Carmy—" 

“I said I would get you out of this, Syd. And-and I will. So I need to try. Can you handle prep?” He asks again and all Sydney can do is nod. 

He nods back. “I’ll be here in time for service. Call if you need anything.” 

When he’s out the door Sydney takes a couple of deep breaths before calling Tina over. “T! Can you come over here a sec?” 

Tina walks over with a smile and her arms open for a hug which Sydney gladly accepts. “How you doing, mama? Still got jet lag huh?” 

“No. No it’s just. Adjusting to being back, that’s all.” Sydney fibs. “Listen I need you to be my CDC today alright? Carmen has shit to do so he’s gonna be out until service. We’ll keep him updated on changes and stuff but it’s just you and me today. You with me?” 

“You know it.” Tina smiles. “Oh, before that though, y’all got a visitor when you were gone. Some reporter said she wanted to do a feature on you and Jeff for the Tribune.” 

Sydney’s eyes widen slightly. “What-um. What-what kind of feature?” 

Tina shrugs with a sympathetic look on her face. “I’m not sure. I’ll give you her number, send her a text. But I’m pretty sure it’s one of those couples features. Your wedding has everyone talking.” She smiles before walking away to grab her knives. 

“Was it nice, T?” Sydney asks as Tina’s back is turned toward her. When they’re facing each other again the look on T’s face is slightly confused. “I-I mean did you have a nice time? At the wedding?” 

Tina smiles again as she walks back over to Sydney and plants a soft hand on her face. “It was so beautiful, my love. Every minute of it. I’ve never seen you smile that big before.” 

Sydney tries for one of her own now that comes dangerously close to a grimace. 

Her heart flutters in her chest again. 

Carmy rushes out to his car and starts it without a destination in mind. 

“Fuck.” 

Before he puts the car in reverse he whips out his phone to google a couple of things that make him sound more and more like an idiot. 

How to undo a marriage spell 

It’s not a spell though. Right? 

How to undo a marriage curse 

That doesn’t feel right either. At all. 

I woke up in bed next to my business partner 

That one he just deletes. 

Alright fuck this, he’s just gonna drive to the library and see if he can find anything promising there. Maybe in their archives or whatever. 

Granted, the last time Carmen was at any library was probably in New York, and a bookstore in Copenhagen if that counts. He’s always liked it there to be fair; everyone minding their business, no one asking you any questions, being in your own world responsible for you and you alone. 

He wishes today was like that too. 

“Sir, what are you asking me?” The woman at the help desk asks with her bulky glasses slanted down. 

“If-if you have anything on spells or-or marriage curses and how to reverse them.” Carmy breathes out. 

“I know a great divorce lawyer. Or there is a rehabilitation clinic right down the street if you need—" 

“I don’t!” He shouts before lowering his volume. “I don’t, alright? I’m serious.” 

The woman is unmoved, rolls her eyes. “Upstairs in the back by the encyclopedias. It’s our old fantasy collection. Banned books and such. If that’s what you need, go there.” She takes off her glasses again and looks back down at her books. “These kids don’t use the internet anymore for their weird kinks I swear.” She grumbles. 

Carmy keeps his retorts to himself and marches up the spindly stairs and to the back to get to the location she was referring to. 

A text comes in on his phone as soon as he spots it. 

Syd 🦦☀️: 

Holding down the fort here. Where are the extra pepper grinders? 

Carmy takes another hand to respond when she texts again. 

Syd 🦦☀️: 

Just kidding ik where they are. Too slow. 

He smiles down at his phone as his face rises in heat by at least two degrees, and all of that is a distraction from why the hell he slapped on an otter and a sun next to her name. He clicks on her contact photo while he’s at it and finds that it’s one of her with her hands smushed onto her face and her big brown eyes staring at the camera. Carmen hates wishing she wasn’t so pretty. Objectively. Objectively adorable and beautiful. That, he’s allowed to acknowledge. He’s still her cursed husband after all. 

Carmy: 

I trust you. And you don’t know where the extra *extra* box is so. Point for me 

There’s nothing in plain sight that seems helpful, so Carmy sorts and sorts through books for fucking hours trying to find something even tangentially useful. 

After five and half, he finally peels out a Latin book off of the shelf that he has to translate the title of. Carmy sighs, at least the rest of it is translated. 

Marriage is not a curse, but fate if ever initiated without knowledge. A shared experience is the ultimate factor, and the two on the other end shall forth have their recent memories erased and be intertwined in a way they have never known before. 

There is no need to address the truth to reverse. If true love is present, it will present itself. The only way to reverse it is to repeat the shared experience as it was, and it will erase the memory of the current present to get back to the known “reality”. 

Shared experience? What shared experience? Working at a fucking restaurant, serving the same dish, what? How are they supposed to narrow that down? 

Carmy marches right back down to the self help desk where the same woman is still working her shift and slams the book down on it. 

“Find what you were looking for?” She asks flatly while typing something onto her computer. 

“I guess.” Carmen answers, already texting Syd to let her know he’s on his way back. 

“Good. Means you won’t be here again. And if you see me at this desk when you are, keep the book, I don’t care.” 

Carmen rolls his eyes openly at her, snatching the book back. “You have a good day,” he says walking away. 

“Looked you up by the way.” She calls a little louder, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re that little guy who runs that fancy place on Orleans with his girlfriend.” 

“She’s my wife.” Carmy says automatically and without thinking. His heart skips a beat as the librarian shrugs. 

“You’re the one looking for marriage curse nonsense. You enjoy your day sweetie.”  

Carmy turns back around, slamming pulse going back down to normal. He got something. Something weird, but it’s something. 

Carm 💛: 

Might have found an answer. omw back 

Syd sighs as she shuts off her phone and mumbles to herself as she looks down at her notepad. Okay, soufflé, raspberry—no—blueberry sea salt crumble, did we get that vanilla bean imported in? Where did we get a vanilla connect? 

“From my homie back at college, Syd. Damn you really don’t pay attention when I talk, huh? Cold.” Marcus jokes with his classic toothy smile, making Sydney finally look up at him and roll her eyes. 

“No, no no no, I knew that. Must’ve just slipped my mind. Do you um. You got everything you need?” 

Marcus nods. “All good here. What about you? Carmy okay? I know he wouldn’t leave you without a reason.” 

A thought that never really made it to the forefront of her mind until now is how everyone just seems so used to how Sydney and Carmen operate like this. As a couple. There isn’t a weird energy, awkward pausing. They’re the married couple of the kitchen and that’s just a fact that stands just as great as any other. Hearing it from Marcus sinks it in like a boulder tied to her foot. 

Sydney shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “He’s just um. He just had some shit to deal with before we. Bef-before the-we the—”

Marcus throws her a lifeline. “Before the wedding, I got you.” He laughs. “Damn when you talk about him you still get that dumb look on your face.” He sucks in air through his teeth and gives her pitying eyes which finally makes her laugh. 

“Fuck you, man.” She chokes out when Natalie comes up behind her, voice soft. 

“Got a minute for your sister?” Natalie says gently as she shoves her shoulder with Sydney’s. 

At this point she’s frankly tired of every single thing that everyone has said today making her heart jump but she can’t help it. It’s so odd to hear and even odder to have to pretend. 

“‘Course.” Sydney says and Natalie motions her head for Syd to follow her into the office. 

“What’s up?” 

Natalie shrugs. “Well I didn’t wanna intrude while you two were getting your shit together being back but now that you are. Tell me everything.” She squeals. “Well, the age appropriate stuff, don’t feel like puking.” 

Sydney blanches. “The hon-the honeymoon. Right! Well um we. We saw lots of stuff. Farms. Mountains… you know. There was. There was this one hot chocolate stand that we went to and Carmy took a sip way too fast and burned his upper lip and he had a whipped cream mustache so I kissed it to make it feel better. The look on his face was really cute.” The words start to flow out of Sydney’s mouth smoother than she realizes. 

She doesn’t know where the fuck any of that came from. 

Natalie gives her a warm smile. “I hate you guys, that’s so romantic.” Sydney just nods and thanks everything above that Carmen shows up at that moment, calling Sydney’s name. 

“Look, just show me the pictures next week. It works out because Sammy misses you both, a lot.” 

Okay so she has a relationship with Natalie’s daughter. Sydney guesses it tracks; she held the baby maybe one time and she was admittedly very very cute, so it adds up. 

“I miss her too.” It doesn’t feel like a lie. “We’ll be there.” 

Sydney opens her mouth before Carmy has the chance when she walks over to him. “I got that weird deja vu thing. Like I-I remembered something like you did.” 

“Really?” Carmy asks. “Was it a shared experience?” 

“A shared what? No. I don’t know, maybe? What kinda question is that, man?” 

Carmy shakes his head. “Never mind. Syd, I found something, alright? I think this might be legit.” 

Service operates as normally as it always does, which she’s grateful for. 

“Don’t forget to text the lady back, Syd.” Tina says before she leaves for the night. 

“What lady?” Carmy asks. 

“I’ll tell you when we get back home. Well not home the place-the-where—let’s just go.” Sydney stammers. 

Carmy says little on the way back to the apartment, just hands her a dusty book after they’ve gotten ready for bed and says to turn to the tenth page. 

Syd mumbles out the words as she reads the tiny text. 

“I don’t understand,” she says when she’s done. “It says the reason we’re in this fucking warped reality is because we had a shared experience? What does that even mean?” 

Carmy shrugs as he paces in front of her. “I don’t fucking know. I-I-I thought about it for hours and I’m not sure. The day before we woke up, I don’t remember it.” 

“Neither do I.” Sydney sighs. “Guess that’s fate intertwining or whatever.” 

Carmen shakes his head, his curly hair flopping slightly. “No. No, no no. That’s. If-if fate is a thing, ours aren’t intertwined.” 

“Because that’d be so bad.” Sydney grumbles, not sure why she’s suddenly so grumpy. 

“Because you don’t deserve that,” Carmy responds without missing a beat. “We obviously did something significant that wasn’t cooking or-or working. Or maybe it was cooking or working. Shit.” 

This is fucking nauseating, being trapped somewhere with no door and no visible way out. Something so close to the reality they knew without actually being right. Sydney buries her face in her hands. Fate is such a trifling bitch. 

“It must have been something personal, y’know? Something we didn’t normally do. I’ll give it some more thought, okay? In the meantime we um. We have an issue.” 

Carmy finally sits down next to her, close enough for her to smell the slight musk coming off of him and the sweat from his stress. “The lady?” 

“The lady. I don’t think Richie was lying when he said the ‘married’ thing is major promo. I texted her in the car and she said she wanted to do a culinary couple’s profile on us.”

“Okay. Uh, okay just say no.” 

Sydney sucks air through her teeth. “I already said yes.” 

“What? Why?” 

“Why not? It’s an interview, dude.”

Carmy scoffs. “An interview we don’t have to do. What would make you think we’re even in that position right now? You see the fucking mess we’re in.” 

The anger and frustration Sydney’s been holding in since they woke up together boils over, comes out as a sinister laugh as she stands, all before spitting her vitriol at him. “Y’know you can say that without being condescending as hell.” 

“Sydney—"

“‘What would make me think?’ Fuck you! You were the one that said to play along. And now what? Now that’s not the plan?” 

“It is the plan but I don’t need some fucking journalist digging into our lives for fun, alright? We say what we need to say to-to who we need to say it to and that’s it, move the fuck on. This isn’t necessary.” 

Sydney groans. “To you. Necessary to you. Don’t make me feel like a fucking sell out for this shit. If it’s good for the restaurant it’s worth doing. Not everything is about you, Carmen.” 

Carmy still doesn’t look convinced, and the look in his eyes only lights the fire under her ass. “Not everything is about you, either, Syd. Not that you fucking care, you don’t even think sometimes.”  

She’s sure there’s a hurt in her eyes she can’t hide, so she does her best to cover it with another laugh, fingers tingling and neck itching. “So I don’t care and I don’t think. Okay.” 

“Wait, Syd I didn’t mean. I didn’t mean you don’t—" 

“You know since we got here I’ve been trying to put this shit together. Like-like how this version of us could have even got here. And I was starting to think maybe…” Sydney drawls before she clears her throat, looking at the floor instead of him. “I still don’t get it. I would never wanna marry you. Fucking ever. I can’t imagine a version of me that ever would. So this? This is bullshit.” Her voice cracks. It comes up her throat like lava, and in an instant she wants to take it back, wants to tell him how much of a lie it feels like. But she can’t. 

Sydney storms into their bedroom and slams the door shut, trying hard not to let her tears spill but eventually letting them anyways. 

She lays down with puffy eyes and a tight throat, and it’s a fucking fight, but sleep comes eventually. 

Unbeknownst to her, it doesn’t for Carmen. 

Chapter Text

The air is stiff as soon as he wakes. 

His back is fucking killing him and there’s a crick in his neck but Carmy doesn’t care. He doesn’t even care that there was no point during that night that his eyes closed, the only comfort brought to him was hearing the creaks of the bed in their room quiet eventually letting him know that Syd eventually fell asleep at the very least. 

It’s still a tough night. 

It’s a switch he has a hard time turning off; the overbearing, condescending business partner, now the overbearing condescending asshole husband. Everything she said, every single thing, he deserved it. It’s why he’s been trying to get them out of this as soon as possible. So that this doesn’t have to be their new normal. But he still doesn’t think that being a part of some article is gonna help that. 

Still, if that's what Sydney wants, it’s what she’ll get. 

When it hits 7:00, Carmy notices the door is still shut and the air still silent, so he knocks on it, slips in quietly after not getting a reply. 

“Syd,” he whispers as soon as he pads into the room, stepping closer to see Sydney on her side, hands pillowed under her cheek and mouth slightly agape. Her face is relaxed, long eyelashes fanning her face and Carmen’s stomach shifts with adoration. He’s never seen her like this, not worried, not stressed, not a care in the world. 

He bends down in a squat and gently shakes her awake, watching as her pretty brown eyes flutter open and her mouth widens in a squeaky yawn. 

“It’s time to head in.” Carmy whispers as Sydney nods. 

“Thank you, baby.” She says drowsily before her eyes widen. “I um. I don’t know what that was I—" 

Carmy waves her off, ignoring the butterfly assault still happening in his stomach. “It’s-it’s fine. About last night, Sydney…” 

“It’s fine. If you’re really not cool with it I can cancel the interview. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” 

“No.” Carmy interjects. “No. I um. I’m still not crazy about it but you were right. I shouldn’t have shot you down like that. Or said any of that dumb shit. I’m sorry.” 

She groans softly as she sits up in bed, pats the spot next to her so he can take up the space. “I appreciate that. I uh. I’m sorry about what I said. Really sorry.” Sydney breathes out. 

“Did you mean it?” He mumbles, looking down at his fiddling hands and waiting on pins and fucking needles for her answer. 

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Let’s go, okay?” 

When they trudge into the kitchen Sydney immediately splits away to her locker to put her stuff down, Carmy left sitting down in the office to rub at his forehead while he can before his sister gets to work to kick him out. 

Richie is knocking on the door soon after. “So you weren’t fighting this week, just acting fuckin’ weird, but now you’re fighting. I can smell it.” 

Carmy scoffs. “Leave it alone, Cousin.” 

He raises his hands in a surrender motion. “I can smell it.” He repeats before walking off. 

“Walking 16. Order in two top, no shellfish, no gluten. Fire two cavatelli.”

“Chef!” 

Carmy loses himself in the sound of Sydney’s voice during service, trying to catch any bit of her exhaustion or breathlessness so he can remind her to take a break like she always pretends she doesn’t need to do. 

“Hands, please!” He calls, still staring at Sydney. “Thank you.” 

As the night winds down Natalie rushes in from the dining room. “Tribune lady is here about the article again. Guess she really likes the food because it could have just been an email.” 

“Why are you still here, Sug?” Carmy asks, bypassing her statement.

Natalie rolls her eyes. “I’m headed out now. You two, go say hi to her and that you’re excited for the feature please.”

“We will.” Sydney says, stepping toward the both of them. “Right after Carmy takes a breather.” Her brown eyes lock with his. “Your face is all red. Drink some water and take some breaths, okay?” 

Natalie nods and says goodnight to them both before heading out the back door.

“I’m alright—" 

Just then, Sydney raises a hand to his face to rub gently at his chin with her thumb and scratches lovingly at the stubble under his jaw. “Please. Just go. I’ll be right here. We got into it, but it doesn’t mean I want you to collapse.” She lowers her hand. “Go.” 

Carmen takes the opportunity to pull out a cigarette, at least he tries until he realizes there aren’t any in his pocket like there usually are. 

“Fuck me,” he mutters to himself as he does the next best thing, drinks the rest of his water bottle and takes a couple of deep breaths like Sydney said. She smiles lightly at him as he heads back in, and it sets his heart on fire. With a slight nudge of her head she motions for him to follow her and they meet with the journalist from the Tribune. 

“Hi! Linda Clark, it’s great to meet you both.” 

Carmy sticks out his hand, hoping his smile isn’t stressed. “It’s great to meet you too. Carmen.” 

“EC.” Sydney finishes for him. “I’m Sydney the CDC.” 

Linda laughs lightly. “Trust me I know. I didn’t want to waste too much of your time but I was so disappointed when I didn’t get to meet you two the last time I was here. I should have known you were on your honeymoon! You are just the cutest newlyweds I’ve ever seen.” 

Carmy takes a shot at reaching down and softly brushing his hand with Sydney’s, letting her complete the movement and intertwine their fingers together. Her hand is soft, his is sweaty. He hopes she doesn’t care. 

“Thank you,” Sydney replies sweetly. “And we’re so grateful for the feature.” 

“Yeah we’re um. We’re excited to talk to you.” 

Linda spends the rest of her minutes with them raving about her meal and wishing them a goodnight, Carmy and Syd’s hands are still intertwined when they make their way back into the kitchen. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” She whispers as she detangles herself from him. 

“I wanted to.” 

There’s a look in her eyes. One that he knows means she has more questions and isn’t going to take vague answers. 

For once, he’s not nervous. 

Sydney’s ready to knock the fuck out as soon as she’s in her pajamas, night scarf tied on comfortably. 

There’s one thing she thought about the entire night she spent in that bed by herself while Carmen slept on that stiff ass couch. 

She’s such a bitch. 

Now, she knows she’s not, and she knows their fight left it much too hard to look at each other much less sleep in the same bed. But the one thing she hasn’t wanted to admit is that she misses him in it, liked hearing his soft snores and gently reaching over to brush her fingers across his chest to feel it rise and fall. It was nice. 

Carmy’s cushioning the couch with a spare comforter again when Sydney sighs. 

“I want. I-I um…” She trails off as Carmy’s blue eyes connect with hers. 

“You should sleep in the bed tonight. With-with me. We should sleep in it together.” She’s asked him this before with way more confidence. Where the hell that went she has no idea. 

“Syd. You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to.” She echoes him from earlier. “It’s not fair that you’ve been sleeping on this all night. C’mon.” 

They’re facing each other when they bundle up under the blankets, Sydney taking comfort in seeing the outline of Carmy’s frame rise and fall gently. 

“I feel like this shit is my fault. That’s why I’ve been, like, a fuckin’ asshole about it.” He breathes out in a whisper. 

“Why would this be your fault?” 

He shuffles a little closer to her and it makes her heart race. “You’re important to me, Sydney. You always have been. And I um. Some-sometimes it comes out wrong and it’s not an excuse. But I fuckin’ push you away like an idiot because…” Syd nods gently for him to continue. “I just don’t know how to tell you that. That you’re important to me. So maybe this is the universe or something doing it for me.”

It’s like something hits her body head on with an electric shock, but still she deflates. Like she expected him to say something else. Sydney takes in a small sigh. “You’re important to me too. So if you’re gonna take the blame, so will I.” 

Sydney reaches out for him and rests a hand on his bare shoulder. Stupid tank top. “This isn’t your fault, dude. It’s just something that happened. And I don’t know, it’s kinda nice seeing how happy this version of us is. You don’t have to apologize for that. Okay?” Her hand trails up to his nape and starts drawing stars and hearts in a motion that’s almost automatic. She nearly regrets it, but then his eyes flutter prettily the more she scratches and tugs. 

“I did not mean what I said. I promise.” She whispers. “It was terrible and-and came out wrong and even if it didn’t. It’s not true. I would, I-I mean might-maybe—" 

Marry you.

“It’s just not true. I think it’s um. If we were married, if we are, I wouldn’t want it to be like shit from before. Where-where I don’t talk and you don’t listen, and the fucking other way around. I’d want it to really work y’know? So the thought of it not? It got me all hot headed. M’sorry.” She finishes.  

“Hey. It’s okay,” he murmurs. “It’s okay.” Carmy pulls her into a hug then, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his nose in her shoulder. Sydney sighs contently into it, her own arms wrapped securely around his neck as the embrace gets warmer and warmer.  

He whispers into her ear an apology like he doesn’t even want the rest of the room to hear. “I’m sorry I said you don’t think. That was bullshit, you think for the fucking both of us. You’re the smartest person I know.” It makes Sydney giggle in his hold and Carmen follows suit. 

They pull away and Carm raises his hand to her face but seems to second guess it, puts it back down at his side, and Sydney’s heart sputters and skips. He wasn't gonna. No, no way. 

Not that she wants him to. 

Syd chuckles and makes a joke of it, knocks her forehead against his just to bug him. “Ow,” he mumbles, no heat behind it. 

“We’re gonna figure this out.” He says. “We’re gonna figure this out and I’m gonna get you your life back.”

Sydney nods and smiles bashfully. “Two things,” 

“Christ,” Carmen feigns an eye roll. 

“Shut up. One, we have to go see your niece on Monday. Apparently here I’ve held her more than one terrifying time and she misses us. I don’t get it but I kinda wanna see it for myself.” 

“Yeah, Monday. For sure.” Carmy agrees. “What’s the second thing?” 

“I asked my doctor for a head scan and she gave me the weirdest look ever. I wanted to cry.” 

Carmy chuckles. “You told her you woke up in some alternate dimension where you married your business partner?” 

Sydney shrugs. “I started to and then, fuck her eyes. I couldn’t keep going.” 

“Want me to talk to her?” He asks in a way that makes that familiar feeling wash over her. He sounds so much like a husband and it makes her heart flip. 

“Yes, actually. Please bark at her and tell her to believe her wacky ass patient.” 

Carmy laughs again as Sydney turns over, not trusting herself not to do something dumb and wipe that smile off of his face with her own.“Fuck off.”

For a moment it’s just the sound of their breathing as the moonlight shifts against the window. 

“We’re friends right?” Sydney asks with her back still turned, head burying deeper into the pillow. 

“I think you’re my best friend, Syd.”

It makes her smile. 

“Sammy, it’s okay! I really don’t know why she’s so fussy. I swear she was just shouting about how much she wanted you to come over, now she’s acting like she doesn’t even know you.” Natalie is fussing over Sydney as she holds the crying toddler, the look in her eyes apologetic. Sydney just rocks Sammy in her arms gently, waving Natalie off even gentler. 

“It’s um. It’s alright. It’s just been a while, I’m gonna go sit with her.” She motions toward the couch in the den and Natalie nods. 

“Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen just shout if you need anything,”

Sydney sits down with Sammy as the baby continues to fuss. 

“Hi. Hi, okay, it’s okay.” Sammy still wriggles and cries, so Syd tries something else.

“Pbbt!” She blows a raspberry onto Sammy’s cheek and it makes the toddler laugh instantly. Sydney laughs too as she does it again. 

“I missed you, my angel! Oh, I missed you so much. I had fun on vacation but I much rather have been here watching Bluey with you. Don’t tell your uncle.” Another string of words she can’t find the origin of. They just come out. 

Sammy giggles again as she raises pudgy hands to cup Sydney’s own cheeks. “S-Sy-ddy.” She gurgles and Syd gasps. 

“Holy—!” 

Natalie rushes back in. “What?! What happened?!” 

“She said my name! She-she-holy man, she said my name!” Sydney marvels at Samantha as the child just rests her head in the crook of Sydney’s neck. 

The blonde deflates. “Sydney, my love, she’s said that so many times by now. I love hearing it as much as you, you know that.” 

“Right, right I um. Yeah.” 

Natalie narrows her eyes a bit. “Are you—?” 

“Sug, the steaks are done, can I come back in?” Carmy pants, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow. 

“Where’s Pete?” 

“Overcooking them. Can I come back in?” He asks again, earning a snort from Sydney. 

“You’re such a little turd. Fine.” Natalie rolls her eyes and opens the door to the backyard, leaving Carmen alone with Sydney and the baby.

Sammy reaches her arms out for Carmy so he takes her, still a little shaky even sitting down. 

“She makes me nervous too,” Sydney says before Carmen even has to. “She’s really cute though so it helps.” 

The baby makes the same sleepy movement she did when she was attached to Sydney, leans her head down in the crook of Carmy’s neck and takes in a little sigh. The sight makes her eyes feel all cloudy like she’s about to well up. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, it helps.” 

“Carmy, I think Natalie’s onto us. We need to find out what that shared experience is or whatever.” 

“What makes you think she’s onto us?” 

“She’s not a moron.” Sydney whispers harshly, slapping her hands onto her thighs. “I’m just gonna tell her we’re not actually together and that we’re bullshitting.” 

“No.” Carmen says immediately. “Not-not her. Especially if we don’t have a good solution.”

“Carmy. We have to figure out what the shared experience is. If we ask her about the night we passed out and woke up here, she might remember.” 

“What if she doesn’t?” Carmy protests. Sydney gives him dead eyes. Why can’t they agree on anything the first time around? “Not Natalie.” Carmy repeats. “But-but if we have to, someone. Alright?” 

Sydney sighs. “Alright. I mean, I guess I get it. I don’t wanna tell my dad either.” 

“We could tell Sammy.” Carmen jokes. Sydney snorts again. 

“Samantha, love, we’re not married. We’re trapped by some kind of weird spell. Either that or we’re both on a mushroom trip. Can you help? No?” Her eyes are lowered down to where Sammy’s sleepy head is still resting on Carmen’s shoulder, half lidded. In reply, the baby just gurgles. 

Syd shrugs. “Worth a shot.” 

Carmy half expected the actual interview to take place at the restaurant or online or something but he’s gravely mistaken. Instead, they’re asked to meet her at a small local café near Lincoln Park and he’s shaking his leg under the table so violently Sydney has to put her hand on his knee to stop it. 

“Carmen. We’ve been faking it this entire time. I’m sure we can manage an interview.” 

“I know. I know, I know it’s um. I just fuckin’ hate interviews. Always have,” he breathes out. 

Sydney smiles sadly, looking around to see if their woman of the hour’s shown up yet. 

“And this doesn’t have anything to do with what you told me? That um—" Syd smirks. “That I’m super super super important to you?” 

Saying that finally gets Carmy to smile up at her, mouth getting all wide and face probably getting redder than a fucking tomato. It’s worth it because he gets a smile in return, one that somehow looks more lovely than any other time he’s seen it. “Your smile’s so beautiful.” He mumbles timidly, still staring at her. 

Carmy’s eyes widen as his smile dims and he catches the winded look in her chocolate eyes. “I’m sorry,” he starts. “That uh. That just—" 

“My gosh, I am so sorry that I’m late! Traffic on the Kennedy was a nightmare. How are you two?” 

Carmen clears his throat as they both stand to shake Linda’s hand. “We’re um. We’re great. Glad we could finally do this.” 

They all sit back down as Linda whips out her laptop. “This is more like a conversation than anything else, because I really just want to know where it all started for you guys.” 

Sydney wraps a hand around his arm, softly squeezing as he keeps her hand warmly tucked in. He looks over at her and she nods. 

“We didn’t meet and intend for this to happen or anything. I needed help with the restaurant I was running for my brother and was looking for a sous.” 

Linda nods. “And you, Sydney? What drew you in?” 

“I um. I knew who he was before I applied. And-and you’d think it was because I had some loser crush on him and it might’ve been that but. I just thought it was cool to see someone my age accomplish so much. I thought I could learn a lot.” 

“With successful restaurants like Kasama being run by happy couples it’s clear you’re following in their footsteps. How is it balancing these dynamics?” Linda asks as she types and types. 

Carmen shrugs. “It’s not really anything to think about. Sydney’s everything I’m not. She’s. She’s everything I wanna be. Patient and-and kind and considerate. And so smart. She could be anywhere but she’s here with me. I’m obviously the luckiest guy in the world so I just try not to screw it up.” 

Sydney's hand is still wrapped around his bicep, squeezing it as her eyebrows quirk upward. “Yeah. The Bear is my place and Carmy’s my person. We figure it out as the days come.” Her brown eyes meet his, and it’s her. It’s only her. 

Play along. Play along. That’s all you’re doing. 

That’s all she’s doing. 

But it doesn’t feel like it. Linda closes up with a couple more questions about their hopes and aspirations for The Bear, thoughts on the industry, dos and don’ts. She says she wants to keep it authentic, so she just asks for one simple photo of the two of them for the article. 

“And smile! Oh, you two are just gorgeous together. I’ll get this drafted up and send you a copy, alright?” Linda takes her leave with that.

“That was good right? I didn’t say anything weird or do that thing where I say ‘like’ in between every word?” Sydney sighs and tucks a stray braid back behind her ear. Flutters her pretty lashes, tucks in her full lips, taps her fingers in a cute nervous tick on the table. 

And it suddenly makes sense. It all fucking makes sense. 

“You’re everything.” Carmy breathes before once again, not realizing he’s said some dumb shit aloud. “I mean you were. You were great.” He nods as she gives him a quiet thanks. 

Carmy feels fucking sick. He stands up abruptly, garnering looks from the other patrons. “I gotta go.” 

“Go where? We took the hour off for this.” 

“No, I get that I just. I um. I need some time alone.” 

Sydney deflates, brown eyes as wide as ever. “Yeah, yeah okay. I’ll cover for you.” 

The walk doesn’t help, prep doesn’t help. Service doesn’t help. None of it helps. 

All of it is just bubbling over inside until it seeps out of his ears at the end of the night. 

Right before they start clean up, Carmy catches Richie by his shoulder and drags him out to the alley. 

“I’m in love with Sydney.” He breathes out. 

Fuck. 

Chapter Text

Richie never believed him, but sometimes Carmy valued his opinion more than Mikey’s. 

His cousin was brutally honest, but sincere in a way his brother didn’t feel like he could be with him sometimes. Sure, Carmy didn’t really go to him for romantic advice, but it didn’t stop Richie from giving it freely anyways. Point is, Richie was never silent. Never stumped. 

Until now. 

A laugh bubbles out from him finally. “You uh. You’re in love? With Sydney? Your wife? Seems pretty standard to me. Next up on channel 32 the fuckin’ sky is blue.”

Carmy huffs. “That’s-that’s the thing Cuz, she’s not my wife.”

Richie leans up and off the brick wall. “Carmen. I know it’s been a long night and I know youse have been fighting but—" 

“Richie fucking listen to me. We’ve been bullshitting this entire time. Sydney and I woke up last week fucking married and we don’t know what happened at all. We’re not dating, we’re not engaged. Nothing.” 

Richie scoffs. “So… what? You didn’t get married last month?”

“We did. But we don’t remember it. Where we’re from, I guess, we’re not together.” 

“Jesus, ‘where’? This isn’t some alternate dimension you’re from here.”

“None of this shit is the same. Okay, I-I mean it’s the same but Syd and I aren’t together.” He tries to enunciate as much as he can. “It’s a fucking spell.”

And there it is, Richie’s wide eyed stare. “A spell. Somehow you and Syd and no one else are under some kinda spell that means you’re hitched. You had a fuckin’ wedding! Everyone was there, your vows! The fuck am I tellin’ you this for?”

“Because I don’t know this shit! Jesus fu—okay fuck this. Go get Sydney.”

“What?” 

“Go get Sydney.” He repeats. “If you don’t believe me.” 

Richie scoffs again as he shuffles inside, comes back a minute later holding the door open for Sydney to step out with him. 

“Why are we huddled out here?” She asks, looking between them both. 

“I told him.” Carmy says plainly. 

Sydney’s eyes go wide. “Forreal?”

“You’re in on this too?” 

“Richie,” she tries to reason. “He’s telling the truth. Neither of us remember any point in time where we’re together except right now, where we’re already married. We haven’t even been on a date. It’s like we fast forwarded through everything and landed here.”

Richie groans, scrubs his face with his hands. “If I believed you, and that’s a big if, why are you telling me this? I don’t get it.” 

Sydney shrugs. “You have to help us remember.” 

Richie will barely look at either of them, hasn’t since they begged him to stay past clean up. They’re all standing in the middle of the kitchen, Sydney pacing back and forth and Carmen having a one sided stare down with his cousin from across the island.

“When did you propose?” Richie asks, arms crossed.  

“I don’t know.” Carmy replies without missing a beat. 

“When’s your anniversary?” 

“We don’t fucking know.” He says again. 

“How did you know Syd was the one? I know you can answer that one, Cousin. Considering you just said—"

“Yo! Alright! I don’t. I-I can’t—" Carmy starts to sputter so Sydney puts him out of his misery. 

“Richie for fuck’s sake we don’t know. Okay? Now can you please help us? We need to remember the night before we woke up here.” 

“How am I supposed to know that? You’re either from the past or some other fuckin’ universe entirely. How do I know you’re not impostors, huh? Like-like some freaky body snatchers shit?” 

Carmy scoffs. “Because an impostor wouldn’t remember that one time Mikey accidentally punched you in the face so bad you swallowed your last baby tooth.” 

“Second to last! Fine. Fine. Look, I really don’t know what night you mean. It could have been any.” Richie sighs. 

“Did we ever say anything about hanging out? Like outside the restaurant?” Sydney asks. 

Richie actually does think on it, then shakes his head. “I didn’t know you two were dating until I caught you kissing in the office. Excuse me if I wasn’t monitoring the first time Carmen grew some balls and asked you out.” 

“Again, not us. Not really.” Sydney clarifies. 

“The book said we had a shared experience somehow and that’s what intertwined our fate. Fucked with our memories.” Carmy whips out the picture of the book page that he keeps in his camera roll and hands it to Richie, who mumbles out the words on it. 

“Could have just been sex for all you know.” 

Sydney seethes. “Dude.” she says through her teeth. “Not fucking helping.” 

Richie raises his hands in innocence. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is if you’re here it’s for a reason. And I’m not your fuckin’ answer. If the key to get out of here or whatever is to have a ‘shared experience’, then try, I don’t know, going on a fucking date?” 

Neither Sydney or Carmen say anything to that, and Syd just chooses to look around the kitchen awkwardly. 

“Jesus, maybe you are telling the truth. Fuckin’ awkward as shit.” Richie mutters. “Grab your shit, I’ll give you a ride home.” 

When they get back upstairs Sydney snorts. “A date. Can you fucking believe him? I’m sure the shared experience thingy wasn’t a date. Um. Right?” 

She can’t decipher the look in Carmy’s eyes, but she knows him well enough to know he’s not telling her something. “What?” She asks. 

“He might have a point, Syd. Not-not about the um. Dating. But about trying things out. Seeing if something is the trigger to getting us back.” 

Sydney quirks an eyebrow at him. “And how are we supposed to know it worked?” 

Carmy shrugs. “When we’re not married.” 

That makes her smirk and roll her eyes. “Ha ha.” 

He returns her smile softly. “Seriously. The book says that if we figure it out, we wake up back where we were. With no memory of this. So it’s back to normal, completely.” 

“Back to normal.” She repeats. The normal where they don’t live together, where they don’t share a bed, where there aren’t paintings all over the walls and post-it reminders from Sydney for Carmen to call his therapist’s office with a heart at the end of it.

The normal where none of that exists. 

It’s for the best. 

“You know ordinarily I’d ask Sydney to help me with this, but she hates anything that has to do with me and a computer.” Emmanuel says, back slightly hunched as he squints through his reading glasses at the screen. Carmy chuckles. 

“No it’s um. It’s fine. Your house is beautiful.” 

Emmanuel scrunches his eyebrows at him. “Thank you, but you’ve been here before son, it’s alright. Relax your shoulders.” 

It was actually a pretty easy yes when Sydney asked if he could be her ‘computer guru proxy guide’ after Emmanuel called in a panic. Carmen’s never really gotten to have a real conversation with Sydney’s dad before waking up here, only met him one time and could barely get his own name out before retreating back to the kitchen like an idiot. At least here that shit’s out of the way. 

“Okay I think we’re all set. Lord, I hope.” Emmanuel sighs and it makes Carmen laugh a little again. 

“You should be good. I can whip you something up if you want? The chicken soup with the fennel in it?” Carmen stopped questioning how he knows things anymore, just accepts that he does. 

Emmanuel smiles. “My favorite. I won’t say no if you’re offering I have all the stuff.” 

By the time the soup is simmering Emmanuel’s still by Carmy’s side in the kitchen. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I asked Sydney’s mother out?” 

Carmy shakes his head. “Before the car breakdown?” 

Sydney’s dad nods and chuckles. “Before the car breakdown. I was a nervous wreck, couldn’t get any words out around her. She’d always chat me up at parties and all I’d do is stutter. So I asked a friend what her favorite flower was—" 

“Lilacs.” Carmy fills in, pulling two bowls out for serving. 

Emmanuel smiles. “That’s right. Got her a bouquet of them and just told her how much I liked her. How beautiful she always was to me. Was my best bet.” 

They head to the dining table and slurp in companionable silence, but not before Carmy leaves the conversation with one last question. 

“Before. Before the date. Did you already know she was the one?” 

Emmanuel hems and haws but eventually smiles at him again. “It’s embarrassing, but I did. Never had a doubt in my mind.” 

Sexual frustration is basically a part of a chef’s guideline to a standard busy ass life. There is quite literally no time to date, or explore or do any of that shit, so it’s not something Sydney ever let truly bother her before. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. It never really bothered her before she met Carmen. 

It’s not her fault either. He’s the one with the crazy blue eyes and the wild curly hair that she can’t pin down the color of. The tattoos that crawl up from his thick fingers to his arms and the curve of stupid biceps. 

Sydney lays in their bed alone and huffs. There have been dreams before, in the reality she knew. Ones where they’d get off work and Carmy would pin her up against the alley wall, stick his tongue in her mouth before trailing it down to her neck, warm breath sighing and groaning in that desperate way he does all day. 

He’d lick that spot just below her ear as his dumb fingers carefully undo the button of her pants. His hand would creep down, and down, and down until he was rubbing her over the wet spot in her underwear, fuck. 

Sydney’s eyes close as her own hand fills in the space for her, fingers sliding past her entrance as she starts a slow pump. 

Dream Carmy’s hand finds its way past her underwear at this point, just about to be exactly where she wants— 

“Syd, yo! I’m home!” The real Carmy calls and Sydney gasps as she takes her hand out of her pants. She wipes her hand with a grimace and opens the door to see Carmy all breathless and curly hair flopped in front of his face. 

Not helping. 

“Hey. Hi um. Why-why didn’t you text me that you were on your way back?” 

“M’sorry. I would have but I was getting those weird granola bars you like down the street.” 

Sydney’s eyebrows quirk up. “Is that another thing you randomly remembered?” 

“What?” Carmy asks, confused. “Oh. Oh no I um. I already knew that.” 

“Oh, thank you. Did you have any time to think about what we should try? To trigger the reverse?” 

“No, but then I saw this.” Carmy hands Sydney his phone where the screen shows a flyer for a Monthly Gala that Eater holds for restaurants and the people that run them. 

“You think we went to a gala together?” She questions uneasily. 

Carmy steps closer to her, making her a little dizzy. “I know it’s kinda fucking weird but think about it. It’s something we could have done that isn’t cooking or working, but still something we might do together. The night before we woke up here was probably the night we went to this. Fate intertwined or whatever and. And-and then this.” 

Sydney’s still silent and Carmen must take that as a cue that she’s uncomfortable. “If you don’t wanna go to this, that’s okay Syd. I’ll think of something else—" 

“No!” She yells, clearing her throat. “No-no actually um. This is a good idea. It is something we’d do. Publicity and all that. When is this by the way…?” She looks at the flyer on his phone again, ignoring his lock screen that pictures her kissing his cheek. 

“Tonight.” Carmy says, a slight grimace on his face. 

“Christ. Okay um. Get ready then we’ll leave at like 7.” 

When Sydney opens the closet to be met with a couple of party dresses she doesn’t recognize, she starts to think Carmen may be onto something. 

There’s this pleated dress in there with a cinched in waist and bows on the straps that Sydney likes so she whips it on. A little heavy on the skin showing but considering how fucking hot and bothered she’s been the last couple of hours it’s probably for the best. 

A light smattering of makeup and a grey scrunchie she found for a half up half down look later and she’s ready, steps out to see Carmen with his jacket and bow tie on. 

“Shit.” He whispers as he looks up at her. He then stands, walks slowly over to her while giving her an obnoxious up and down look. Sydney crosses her arms over her chest. 

“Too much?” 

Carmy shakes his head, reaches out to lower her arms back to her side. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” 

“Really?” She whispers back, face getting all hot before realizing. Girl, get the fuck up. “I-I mean I know. You um. You look really handsome, Carm.” An egregious understatement considering he’s probably the prettiest man she’s ever laid eyes on, especially now in his penguin tux. 

“Oh. Th-thanks. I got you something else while I was out by the way,” Carmy leans down and reaches for something behind him on the couch, pulls out a box with a blue peony in it. 

“Wow. It’s beautiful, Carmy. You. You knew I liked peonies.” She breathes out. 

Carmy takes her wrist gently, slips the corsage onto it. “You mentioned it before. That-that time we were cleaning up after that rehearsal dinner we had booked.” 

Her breath catches in her throat. It was just some comment she said in passing as she was scrubbing up the island probably. She didn’t even know anyone was listening to her mindless rambling. 

Sydney smiles. “Before. You remembered that?” 

Carmy just nods shyly, hand still wrapped around her wrist, so Sydney uses their connected limbs to have an excuse to step a little closer. “I love it. Very 90’s prom of you.” 

“Fuck off,” he says with no heat behind it at all. “You’re wearing your ring.” He murmurs, hand slipping down hers and bringing it up to his face. 

“No reason to just have it on a chain around my neck. Huge rock by the way. Nice job.” 

Carmy still isn’t saying anything, just looking at her and not blinking. 

Syd follows the urge, steps forward a little more to place her hands softly on his face. “Dude, the thousand yard stare. It’s insane. You have to stop.”

Carmen’s forehead falls forward onto hers, rendering them both speechless for a moment. “Sydney. I um. I have to tell you something,” Their noses are bumping now, Sydney’s own eyes drifting shut. 

“Yeah?” 

They’re interrupted by a buzzing in Carmy’s jacket pocket. He pulls away to check with a groan, sees it’s just Richie checking up. 

“I’ll text him back later. We should go.” He says, taking her hand. 

Sydney shucks her cardigan around her shoulders and grabs her bag. 

Here goes nothing. 

If Carmen has to give credit to anything, it’s that the gala is an actual fucking gala. The ballroom is huge and filled with people mingling, classical music being played softly in the background as hors-d’oeuvres are served from person to person. 

Sydney’s arm is linked onto his as she takes in a breath. “Is it me or is this nicer than you were expecting?” 

He wants to punch himself in the face for being so close to a blush right now. She’s right in his head. “It’s not just you.” He replies. 

A waiter comes up to them with a silver tray in hand. “Gougères with crispy prosciutto?” 

Sydney’s eyes light up adorably as she sticks a hand out. “Thanks.” She says sweetly. “Oh man.” She says through a muffled bite. “This is fire. You want?” 

Carmy shrugs and nods his head, expecting her to just hand it to him. Instead she holds her hand up to his mouth and pops the rest of the pastry in, wiping a crumb off of his lip as he chews. 

A giggle bubbles out of her contagiously, spreading to Carmen until they’re both in a small fit by the bar probably looking insane. 

A man in a gray suit and even grayer hair walks up to them. “Carmen and Sydney Berzatto! I didn’t expect you two to show tonight.” He’s close enough now for Carmen to recognize him, Tom Dyer, the marketing manager at Eater who handles all of these kinds of events he always said no to. 

He continues. “Question of the hour was whether the Bears were going to be here and now that you are. I mean you can already see what people think.”

Carmy wants to roll his eyes so badly, but keeps his composure while Sydney’s arm slips out of his. 

“Yeah, well that’s obviously why we do this.” He mutters.

Sydney elbows him right in his ribcage, making him grunt. “It’s a really beautiful event. Um, gorgeous venue.”

“I should hope so. You’ve always been so busy with The Bear this is the first invitation you’ve accepted. Debut as husband and wife is a respectable one. Anyways, enjoy yourselves, it’s an open bar.” 

Fucking fuck him. 

“Fuck!” Sydney whisper shouts as he walks away. “We’ve never been here before, Carmy.”

“It was as good a shot as any.” He tries to tell her, anything to wipe the sad look in her eyes away. 

“Well, we’re already here.” She sighs. “We could get some food, or something to drink. Or-or we could dance. If you wanna.” Her voice lilts upward cutely as if she’s asking and it makes Carmen smile. 

He steps back slightly so that he can formally hold out his hand to her. “May I have this dance?” 

Sydney snickers and nods, teeth showing in a smile that nearly knocks Carmy clean. 

They make their way to a less populated corner of the dance floor off to the side, and Carmy plants his hands tensely on Sydney’s waist which makes her laugh again. 

“Dude, you’re my husband. Come closer.” Sydney practically yanks him forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and smiling when his hands wrap firmly around her waist and crawl up to her lower back. 

“Y’know um. For what it’s worth, this is really nice.” She murmurs. 

“I’m still sorry. I really thought this was gonna be it.” 

Sydney shrugs. “It’s okay. It was a long shot. Seems like it was a good idea for us to be here as Carmen Berzatto and Sydney Adamu-Berzatto anyways.” 

“I would have added your last name to mine if you wanted.” Carmy says with a smile, heart fluttering when Sydney laughs. 

“Carmen Adamu Berzatto.” She tries, smirking. “I like it.” Their foreheads fall against each other again as they sway, Carmy breathing in Sydney’s sweet smell. “I like being with you,” she continues. “You are…you’re awesome.” 

“I’m not—" Carmy tries on impulse. 

“No. None of that.” She insists softly, eyes closed. “You’re sweet and you’re funny and you’re fucking supportive. All those things, and more.” 

Carmy’s buzzing down to his toes, asking a question instead of responding directly. “You ever think about it?” He murmurs, nose brushing hers. 

“Think about what?” She whispers back. 

“Our first kiss.” One of his hands goes up to her face, thumb softly brushing the underside of her jaw. “I just um. I wish I hadn’t missed it.” 

Suddenly, slowly, finally, Sydney’s lips find his, leaning forward ever so slightly to press their mouths together. Her hand trails down to his cheek as their lips disconnect, teeth biting down on his bottom lip lightly and tugging, running her tongue over the sting to soothe it. 

Carmy takes the opportunity to turn her head and deepen the kiss with both of his hands, sliding his tongue deeply into her mouth to tangle with hers. Sydney moans softly, and Carmy can feel the vibration of it beneath his palms. 

It’s them and no one else as they kiss languidly without a care in the world, every press of their lips together getting sloppier and more indecent the longer it goes on. 

Sydney backs away, wipes at the underside of his mouth with her thumb. “Probably went something like that.” She whispers breathlessly. 

“Wanna leave?” He breathes back. 

She shakes her head. “Can’t wait that long. C’mon.”

They make quick work of heading down a long hallway to a single stall bathroom with a door that he wants to thank personally for being lockable. As soon as Carmy turns the lock and turns around, Sydney’s lips are on his again, hands flying from his chest to his waist to his belt buckle and back up to his neck. Carmy flips her around so that her back is on the door, leaves a couple more deep kisses to her lips before ducking his head down to her chest that he’s tried not to stare at like a creep all night. 

Sydney moans as Carmy runs his tongue over the tops of her breasts, runs her fingers through his hair as he licks up the drool he keeps leaving behind. 

“Off.” She pants. “Take the top part off.” 

Carmy brings his head back up and carefully drags down the straps of her dress, leaving her chest bare. He kisses his way back down and doesn’t waste anymore time latching his mouth right where he wants it, kissing and biting one of her breasts while taking the other in his hand and pinching her nipple between his fingers. 

He swirls his tongue around the nipple he has his mouth on, sucks languidly in response to the beautiful sounds Sydney’s making. His hand eventually trails down, fingers being met with a wet spot on her soft underwear as he groans. 

Carmy rubs and rubs at it, nails drifting up to catch on the waistband as Sydney starts to beg. “Carmen. Please.” 

God, she’s everything. Absolutely everything. Carmy hooks one of her legs around his waist, leaving her more open for him. “I got you, baby.” He whispers, and finally makes it past her underwear, splitting two fingers to massage the wet swell of her clit as Syd begins bucking into his hand. 

“Oh my god,” she whines as her face falls into his neck. He digs his fingers in deeper, as deep as they can go, pumping and curling slowly as they slide in and out noisily. His pants are getting tighter by the fucking second but he finds it too hard to care. 

Suddenly he stops, pushing a whimper out of Syd. Carmy makes a bit of a show, taking his index finger and sliding it into his mouth slowly, rolling his tongue over the digit making sure to coat every inch of his tongue in her, repeating with his middle finger. A groan leaves him as his eyes flutter shut, opening again to see Sydney giving him a dazed stare. “I’m gonna take care of you, alright?” He breathes and Sydney just nods. 

Carmy gets down on one knee, asks Sydney to keep her leg hooked onto his shoulder. He peels off her underwear and shoves it into his pocket, kissing up her thigh that’s already coated with her slick and making contact with her center. 

“Holy fuck,” Sydney gasps as he hears a deep thud against the door. 

He’d ask what the sound was, but he’s too busy with his tongue, slipping and sliding into and around her folds before he does the same with her clit, kissing and sucking it like it’s all he’s ever known. 

Sydney starts to slowly roll her hips as she fucks his face, matching the rhythm of his tongue and making him groan. 

He does his best to keep it slow, letting her slick seep onto his chin, twirling his tongue deeper into her center to make new discoveries. He has half a mind to reach his hand into his pants and relieve himself but he doesn’t. Carmen goes for the second best thing instead, palms himself through his slacks hoping he doesn’t fucking cum here and now. 

There’s this one spot Carmy hits that makes Sydney breathe out all high pitched so Carmy makes sure to hit it again and again, lapping the flat of his tongue over it for every last taste of her. 

Sydney starts to rut her hips more jaggedly and suddenly she’s calling out his name, leaving Carmy with a mess he’s determined to clean up with just his tongue. 

He’s still running his tongue inside as much of her as he can. “Car-Carmy… I just-I um—" 

“I got you, baby. One more for me. One more, beautiful.”

She gives him exactly what he wants, spills all over his face again and rolls her hips into his mouth smoothly as he mindlessly licks and licks. 

“Okay,” she finally says. “Come up here.” 

Carmen gets off of his knees and Sydney pulls him in by his tie, pressing a last deep kiss to his lips and smiling. 

“Now we can go home.” 

“Yeah.” He smiles back. “Let’s go home.”

Back in their bed, Carmy rolls his own hips into hers deeply, kissing Sydney as he’s inside her and swallowing both their moans. 

“Carmy. I’m-I’m gonna— oh.” She gasps, clawing her nails up his back in delicious pain as he takes his hands and wraps them around her hips for a better angle. He thrusts and thrusts, relishing in the feeling of her; warm and tight and slick and fuck— 

“F-fuck.” He echoes his thoughts as they both unravel at the same time, Carmy making an embarrassing ass sound into her neck as Sydney exhales. 

After that, they just stare, Sydney’s pretty brown eyes getting sleepier and droopier the longer they do. She leans forward, cupping his face with her hands and pressing a warm kiss to his temple, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling the crook of his neck. All of it is so fucking familiar. 

It’s the first time he’s held her in this bed. In their bed. 

At least, it’s the first time he remembers it.

“Richie,” Sydney chirps. “Richie, Richie, Richie, Rich—" 

“What?!” Richie barks, eyes rolling. 

He’s actually in the kitchen a little earlier than normal, mumbling something about dropping Eva off early for recital practice. Carmy’s out of earshot, sitting in the office and rifling through some paperwork Natalie asked him to approve. 

“Don’t ignore me and I won’t say your name a million times.” 

“Sydney it’s 6:47 in the morning. We can’t all be as alert as the princess in her castle is.” 

Sydney rolls her own eyes, bypassing his comment. “Can I talk to you outside? Now?” 

Richie nods and they step out into the biting Chicago cold. “Whatcha got for me?” He asks.

Sydney sighs as she figures out where to start. “I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. So-so last night we tried. We tried to see if we could recreate the shared experience or whatever and it didn’t work but we… did stuff and—"

“Oh, barf—" 

“Fuck off. We did stuff and now my head is all fucked. Does Carmy have-have feelings for me I mean. Did he say anything to you?” 

Richie sighs. “That’s not mine to tell you, Syd. Why do you wanna know anyways? You like him? Wanna stay here, not go back?” 

Sydney crosses her arms defensively. “I never said that. And I thought you didn’t believe us.”

That makes Richie push out a sharp laugh. “I haven’t seen you two this clueless since before you started dating. I fuckin’ believe you.” 

Sydney nods. “Thanks for not telling anyone, by the way. We still wanna be that happy couple everyone knows, even if it’s weird as shit.” 

Richie suddenly lights up, eyes wide and smile a little creepy. “You love him.” 

“What?” Sydney barks. “Do fucking not.” 

“Yes, ya fuckin’ do. It’s all over your little face! Sydney, look, you have a choice alright? You can stay here. You’ve been here how long?” 

Sydney shrugs, trying to keep a nonchalant composure. “Three weeks and five days.” 

Richie claps. “Bingo! Basically your whole lives. Embrace it. Nothing bad’s gonna happen if you do. If Carmy makes you happy, then why the fuck not?” Richie asks pointedly, staring her down even when her eyes are glued to her shoes. 

“Think on it, I’ll see you in there.” He pats her on the shoulder and pries the door back open to head back inside. 

Sydney stays out for a little longer, scrubs her hands over her face and growls to herself. 

Why the fuck can’t anything be easy? 

Chapter Text

This broken spring in her bed was gonna be the fucking death of her. 

Sydney should have known, never ever buy a mattress off of a fucking website. Technically, her dad warned her, went on and on about seeing things like this in person but it just went over her head. Is it such a crime to want a fresh, new, has barely more than 20 reviews mattress? 

The answer is no. 

Regardless, now there was broken spring right below her upper spine and nothing to be fucking done about it. 

Bullshit. 

Sydney trudged into the kitchen with a big sigh and stuffed her shit into her locker haphazardly, putting on her apron and scarf and getting out her notebook. There was a quiet shuffling from the corner of the kitchen, and Sydney looked over discreetly to see Carmy rubbing at his eyes, opening his mouth in a big silly yawn that almost pushed a giggle out of her. She cleared her throat quietly and walked over. 

“Morning, Chef.” Carmy said gently, blinking at her with his blue eyes. Sydney’s heart did a jumpy thing as she smiled politely. “Morning. How’d you sleep?” 

“Oh, uh. Fine. Got like three hours,” 

Sydney blanched. “That’s not fine, dude. Kinda not enough.” 

Carmy shrugged. “S’pretty normal for me, I guess.” He was about to look away until his eyes caught onto something next to her. “Oh I um. I think you dropped something.” 

Sydney’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion until she saw what he was referring to, a folded up piece of paper sitting on the corner of the counter. When she unfolded it a laugh bubbled up from her throat. 

“This um. This is one of my mom’s recipes. What the fuck is it doing in here?” She asked herself.

Carmy piped up with his own question. “Really?”

Sydney smiled and stepped over to his space to show him. “Yeah, it’s her handwriting. Think it’s a recipe for her gumbo.” It was in loopy script with a bunch of small notes all over the page and exclamation points just littered. 

“Wow.” Carmy breathed. “That’s incredible. I’m happy you found that, Syd.” 

“Yeah.” She mumbled, then shrugged. “Well, technically you found it for me.” 

He laughed nervously and looked down, not saying anything to that. Not until—

“I mean we could—" 

“Would you wanna—?” 

They both chuckled and Carmy spoke first. “You go.” 

Fuck. Why the hell was she so nervous all of a sudden? “I was just gonna ask if you’d wanna help me with it. Could be fun. Doing something like this not in the confines of a stressful ass kitchen…?” Her voice lilted up in jest. 

“Yeah.” Carmy answered, the curve of his dimple coming up as his smile widened slowly. Sydney never realized how cute it actually was before then. “That sounds fun.” 

“Cool. My place, 6:00. Don’t be late, I’ll kill you.” She joked. 

Carmy didn’t laugh again, just shook his head. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

“You found what? A recipe for gumbo?” Emmanuel questioned over the phone as Sydney changed her week old bed sheets for a fresh set. 

“Yeah. Well-well, Carmy found it for me. Noticed it fell out of my book.” A smile crept up her face as she said it that she tried to tamper down even if she was alone. 

“Ah. Carmy,” Her dad drawled in a teasing tone that sounded a little too close to an impression of her. 

“Dad…” Sydney tried. 

“I’m not saying anything. He’s a nice young man. A little quiet, would barely tell me his name when I was there last time.”

“I think you make him nervous.” She justified. “It’s kinda cool, y’know? We’re not best friends or anything but when we were prepping for the restaurant we kinda tested recipes out like this and. It-it was nice.” 

It was a memory Sydney held closer than she wanted to admit. In his kitchen, just the soft sounds of spoons and forks and knives chopping and clattering and tapping. Light conversation. The second time she ever made him laugh. She’d never forget the first time she pinned down that look he got in his eyes when he was paying attention to her. Made her stomach get all loopy. Still did. 

Emmanuel sighed. Her dad always had this thing about Sydney not having as many friends as he thought she might have. And it was never in a cruel way, it was always so genuine. In his eyes, she was the funniest, sweetest, kindest, most interesting girl in the whole world. Everyone should fall at her feet. 

She loved that her dad loved her so much, but knew that she was a little more awkward than he gave her credit for. So real friends, especially in this industry, were hard to come by. 

“If you think he’s alright, maybe I would too. Your mama would grill him six ways to Sunday but that was just her.” 

Sydney laughed, the sound being replaced by a sad sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me she had recipes?” 

“Honey…” Emmanuel exhaled. “It’s not that I didn’t want you to know. I was just trying to find the right time. I must have slipped the recipe in your book when I found it.” 

He continued. “She was never a professional, but she had skills. I didn’t want you to get so caught up in the past that it distracted you from what you were working on. From your own sense of self. It sounds silly, saying that now.” 

Sydney panted as she finished up putting the dumb sheet over the corners of her dumb mattress. “No that’s. I get that. But tell me more. Okay?” 

“I promise. Have fun with your friend.” Emmanuel said before hanging up. 

The doorbell rang about twenty minutes later. Carmy was behind it, blue eyes bright and arms carrying bags. “Hi.” He said a little breathlessly. 

“Hi, hello.” Sydney replied. “Come in, just um, take off your shoes there.” 

As he did what she asked, Sydney guided him to her small kitchen to set the bags down. 

“Your place is really nice.” He commented, looking around a bit. 

“Thanks,” she smiled. “It’s nothing crazy but I’m trying to make it more homey. It’s definitely better than it was last summer.” Sydney had her back to him slightly as she unloaded a bag. 

She heard ruffling as he did the same. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to your party.” Carmy said suddenly. “The-the one after the funeral.” It’s odd sometimes. To rehash the past, to be on the edge of another conversation about their first couple of months with The Bear in operation. She confessed, he apologized, she stayed. It should have been all good. 

And it was, in a lot of ways, but there was always this clear plexiglass wall between her and Carmen. One that made it too hard to tell him things she could barely admit to herself. That she wanted. Wanted and wanted but wasn’t sure how that sentiment ended. Or why it always had something to do with Carmy. 

“Oh,” Syd exhaled, not expecting that to come out of his mouth at all. “It’s cool. It was a while ago. It-it was fun but I got kinda overwhelmed y’know? Probably better that you weren’t there actually.” 

“Yeah,” Carmy mumbled, sounding a little rejected. “Yeah, no yeah I’m uh. I’m no life of the party.” 

Sydney smiled gently as they finished up unpacking. “Not like that. I wish you were there. But this is nice. Feels like we get to connect.” 

Carmen was silent and it made Sydney’s skin flush. “That was weird to say.” 

“No.” He stopped her. “No, not at all, Syd.” 

Thankfully, the awkwardness level was much lower than she was anticipating. There was still an air of it, but in the general scope of things, it really wasn’t that bad. 

Carmy was chopping up a couple of andouille sausages while Sydney minced some garlic. 

“How many tries to get your first roux right?” She asked with a small smile on her face, one that got slightly wider as Carmy matched it. 

He shook his head and sighed. “Six I think.” 

“Yikes,” Syd joked. 

“It was a consistency issue, then a heat issue, then the color never got deep enough.” Carmy plopped his chopped up protein into a bowl. “A sous finally walked me through it step by step and that’s when I got my shit together.” 

Sydney hummed in understanding. “I always went by smell. Flour develops this like nutty smell y’know so the second the smell matched the color I knew I was in the clear, everything was all good.” 

Carmy nodded. “Makes sense. You’re everything good.” 

Sydney’s eyes widened a little as Carmy backtracked. “Y-y’know you. You have a really good eye for. For-for timing and stuff. I never had the patience before.” There was this redness that Carmy developed in his face sometimes that would just brush the tops of his ears on a good day and travel all the way down to his neck on a bad one, Sydney noticed. It was traveling down, but she ignored how endeared she was to it. 

A little bit of silence washed over them that Sydney was determined to break. “Thankfully my mom wrote down ‘patience is key’ in all caps with like seven exclamation points for us to remember so. I like our chances.” She smiled as the roux started to darken just a little. 

The smell was promising as they managed to get all of the protein and veggies into the pot. A watched pot never boils or whatever so the only real thing left to do was sit and wait.

“Wanna watch something?” Sydney suggested as Carmen nodded. 

“Air Buddies or Snow Buddies?” Sydney held up two hands to signify the options. “I have them both on DVD.” 

Carmy’s eyebrows quirked. “You have a DVD player? And DVDs?” 

“Don’t give me that fucking look, it was my dad’s. I practically begged him to let me have it when I moved back out.” Syd was indignant, arms crossed and all. 

She got a smile in return. “A little dorky but, I like it.” He sat down. 

Sydney plopped right next to him. “Fucker.” She muttered lightheartedly. 

Her couch was pretty small, but gave them enough room to sit comfortably. Carmy flopped his arm over the couch where it kind of fell around her shoulders and Sydney didn’t know how to feel about it. She didn’t hate it. At all. 

“I’m glad you said yes, by the way.” She said as the opening credits rolled. “I know the past year’s been. I don’t know, fucking insane. But this is good right? Somewhat normal?” As she finished her sentence she made a silly gesture with her hands.

Carmy smiled shyly at her. “I’m glad you invited me. I didn’t um. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you told me to go fuck myself.” 

Sydney sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes lightheartedly, smiling a little to let him know it was indeed, lighthearted. “Oh, look. Puppies.” 

He was painfully aware of how close they were on this fucking couch and it was driving him insane. 

Their thighs were touching and Sydney was so warm, smelled really good too like lavender and clean laundry and a little bit of raspberry. Carmy’s arm was still wrapped behind her on the couch and he wanted to pull some dumbass move and lower it just so they could be touching more. So they could be closer. He wasn’t really sure why. 

His only saving grace were the golden retriever puppies that were sledding in some race that Carmy was getting oddly invested in as time went on. He felt slight movement as Sydney spoke up. 

“I used to think that my mom was like this mystery woman. Like. Like there was no trace of her, at least nothing I could understand. This isn’t the first thing I’ve found of hers but. It’s the first thing that I could, I don’t know, really have? I’m not making any sense.” 

Carmy shook his head. “No. No it makes sense, Syd. Finding a recipe, it’s a big fucking deal. Follow her steps, add her ingredients. Then you’ll know what she really liked.” 

Sydney smiled in a way that made his heart do a small flip and she scooted a little closer to him on the already small couch. “Did you ever have that? With um, with your mom? I know you guys aren’t…y’know the closest.”

It should have been a topic Carmen dreaded, and in a lot of ways it was. But he just didn’t have the words anymore. Donna was just a shell of anything she should have been and it went from hurting, to not, to fucking obliterating him at the worst times. 

“She had her stuff, shit she was good at with recipes and stuff. She was actually,” he laughed. “She’s actually a great fucking cook.” 

Sydney chuckled. “Oh, wow.” 

“Yeah. But uh. She never shared anything with me. So-so I never shared anything with anyone else and. I dunno, even with Nat and Mikey it was just fuckin’ lonely.” 

His eyes started to burn and suddenly there was a tear slipping down his face, quickly wiped away by Sydney’s soft hand. 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He sniffled. “I think the gumbo is ready, we should—" 

“Hey,” Sydney coaxed firmly, hand gently cupping his cheek. “I’m really sorry, Carm. But, if it counts for literally anything, you’ll have me, always. And if I find another obscure recipe you’re the first person I’m gonna tell.” 

Carmy replied with a small smile and a breathless ‘thank you’, finding it hard to rip his gaze away from Sydney’s beautiful brown eyes. 

“C’mon.” She muttered after a little while. “You were right, it’s ready.” 

The gumbo was really fucking good, not that Sydney doubted her mom that much. It was hearty and comforting and every savory bite was like remembering something. It was nice. 

Carmy seemed to like it too, sighing when he took some of his bites and clearing his bowl faster than she did. Sydney just smirked from her place next to him at her small dinner table in the kitchen. 

They made eye contact once, both looked back down at their bowls, and then again, both chuckling awkwardly. Sydney swirled around a leftover bay leaf as Carmen piped up. 

“What happened at your party?” 

“Huh?” 

Carmy cleared his throat. “You uh. You-you said it was a good thing I wasn’t there. Then you said it wasn’t because I’m a loser.” 

“Carmen you’re not a loser—" 

He shook his head at her. “What happened, Syd?” 

She took a chance at pleading with him with the help of her big eyes but he wasn’t budging, leaning back slightly in his chair. Sydney sighed. 

“It was. It was a normal party. Really fun actually at the beginning. Everyone came over and drank a lot and were singing so loud I thought the neighbors were gonna complain. Chef Terry ate frozen pizza out of my freezer.” Sydney chuckled which made Carmy smile. 

“What brand?” 

Sydney smirked. “Motor City. The pan pizza.” 

Carmy winced and nodded. “Fire.” 

“Right?” She smiled. “An-anyway. I was getting a drink of water and I had that old review of The Beef up and I lost it. I went out into the hall and had a panic attack.” 

“Sydney. Fuck, that’s—" 

She held up a gentle hand to stop him. “It was when I was trying to tell you about the offer and if I even should and whether I wanted to go or not…” Syd listed. “It was a lot. So actually in a weird way I think I would have felt better if you’d shown.” 

Carmy’s expression hardened as he leaned forward again. “I should have been there.” 

“It’s fine, dude.” 

“It’s not. I was fucking stewing in my own bullshit and-and I swear, Syd I was on my way. I-I was and then the review came in.” 

“Carmy,” She put a hand over his, trying to steady it as it began to shake. “It’s…” 

“Don’t,” He said, already knowing where she was going. 

Sydney rolled her eyes. “Fine. It’s not okay. It’s not. It was really shitty of you to bail on me. I guess I just didn’t get why you kept promising me that you’d be there and then. Then you weren’t. You just weren’t.” 

Their eye contact broke off as Carmy looked down and sighed. “You didn’t deserve that.” 

“I didn’t.” She affirmed. 

“Look I um. I have panic attacks too, y’know? And. I think. I just want you to know if it ever happens again, I’m here. Ev-even if I’m the one causing it. You can fuckin’ hit me if it makes you feel better.” 

Sydney chuckled. “I’m not gonna hit you.” 

Carmy smiled too. “Whatever you need. I’m here. I’m really sorry, Sydney.” 

She leaned forward too, all too aware of how close their faces were getting. “I appreciate that. A lot.” 

It was just then that she noticed that their hands had somehow changed position. Her hand flipped upwards and intertwined with his which was facing palm side down. Their fingers were gently brushing together as her throat cleared and they jumped apart slightly, hands disconnecting. 

“I um. Let’s-let’s get this packed up yeah?” She stuttered. 

They moved in slightly tense silence as Carmy grabbed her a couple of Tupperware containers and Sydney spooned the gumbo in. Still in such a ridiculous tandem, she thought. 

Sydney tapped the Tupperware in the bag she just tied up. “Okay so I packed you two, should be enough for like the next week when you get home from work or-or whatever.” She tucked a braid behind her ear and looked away when she said it, painfully aware of how much she sounded like she was doting on him. 

Carmy smiled anyways. “Thanks, Syd. For this and for um. For-for inviting me.” 

She shrugged. “Thanks for helping. I know this isn’t the ideal way to spend the day off from cooking just to cook some more.” Sydney kept her arms crossed as Carmy slipped his shoes back on, reached around him to unlock and open the front door. 

Carmy turned in the doorway, bag crinkling in his hand. “I really like spending time with you, Syd. I um. And um, getting to know more about your mom this way. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.” 

Sydney was about to deflect when Carmy placed the bag down by his feet and pulled her by the waist into a hug, burying his face into the back of her neck and breathing in. Only hesitating for a minute out of shock, Syd wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tightened her arms ever so slightly as the minutes went by, only noticing at that moment his cute musk that came off of him. Like pine and a little bit of rosemary. 

He pulled away before she was ready, face noticeably red in a way that made Sydney smile. 

“I uh. I should go.” They disconnected completely. “Bye.” He mumbled out, grabbing the bag and heading for the staircase. 

“Bye, Carm.” Sydney called, closing the door with an embarrassing smile glued to her face. 

Damn it. 

Chapter Text

The photo album they’d been looking through together was abandoned about… twenty minutes ago? Thirty? Carmen doesn’t know, all he knows is that Sydney’s mouth is warm and soft and fucking lovely and he never wants to know another day without her on his tongue. 

She’s tucked beneath him under the thick covers, hands splayed across the ripples of his ribcage and playing with the malleable elastic of his pajama pants. The way her lips move are another story, heated presses as she turns her head for a deeper kiss, nips and nips at his bottom lip just because she can. 

Carmy loves all of it, loves how she feels under him, loves the little jerk of her hips as he brushes his fingers over them because she’s ticklish. Sydney laughs into his mouth and swats at him, making him laugh too. 

“Mmh, Carmen. We’re um. I don’t think. This isn’t productive,” She says it breathlessly between kisses and Carmen’s a little too lost in her to actually hear her. 

“Totally.” Is what he manages to get out as he tucks his head down to kiss a path up her jaw and behind her ear, pressing wet open mouth kisses that pull a soft whimper out of Syd. 

He’s able to trail a couple more kisses down the column of her neck to her collarbone before she grabs him by the back of his hair so his eyes shoot up to hers. “What did I just say?” 

“Um. I dunno. You said something?” He breathes out, panting a little. 

Sydney laughs, eyes wide. “You responded! Okay, enough.” She sits the both of them back up in bed and Carmy groans. 

“Carmy, what are we doing? Seriously?” Her eyes are all big and brown, and fuck they’ve always done something to Carmy. Just makes him melt right on the spot anytime she asks for anything. Even if he’d ever said no. It didn’t mean he wanted to. 

“I’m spending time with my wife.” He says without a stutter or voice crack. “And I wanna spend all the time with her that I can.” 

Sydney smiles gently, raising a hand to sift through his hair. “What’s gonna get you to listen to reason right now?” 

Carmen’s sure his eyes are fucking crazy now but he doesn’t care. Instead of saying anything, he just lifts her by her knees and sits her directly onto his lap as she laughs. 

“Fine,” she says. “I’ll talk. You do… whatever it is you were doing.” She shrugs nonchalantly, all while tossing her braids out of the way so that her neck is exposed. Carmy's smile is wry and he doesn’t waste any time, bites and licks and kisses the underside of her jaw as it starts to move. 

Sydney sighs before she starts, hand coming up to his shoulder to steady herself. “So. We had sex. Just. Just the one time, in two places. Kinda. Obviously that didn’t get us back.” 

“Mhm obviously,” Carmy murmurs, nipping the skin just under her ear again before traveling up to her earlobe, nipping and lavishing it with his tongue. 

“And I… I um… I just think we forgot what we’re doing. Because I. I have feelings for you, Carmen— oh —and I’m pretty sure you have feelings for me too.” 

“I do.” Another set of wet kisses where her  collarbone meets the rest of her neck. 

“I guess what I’m asking is do you want to stay here?” When it comes out of Sydney’s mouth that’s what gets him to stop short. “Stay married?” 

Of fucking course. Of course he wants to stay. This is all he wanted for longer than he’s even realized. But there’s one thing that makes Carmen hesitate. 

He cups her face with a hand, Sydney’s coming up to wrap around his wrist. “I said I was gonna get you your life back, Syd.” 

“This is my life. It’s our life together. And I don’t see why we need to keep going through the trouble to reverse it if we’re already happy. I-I mean. You are happy, right?” 

Carmy takes his other hand to pull her face forward with both, presses a warm kiss to Sydney’s forehead. “I uh. I-I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I wanna stay.” 

Sydney scrunches her mouth to the side in a cute smile before bursting into a gentle laugh. She leans in to bump their noses together before giving him a gentle kiss. 

She leaves their foreheads pressed together and Carmy’s mouth moves on its own accord. “I love you.” 

“What?” 

Carmy locks eyes with her, and even if his heart is beating so hard he can feel it in his ears, it doesn’t matter. Nothing else does. 

“I’m in love with you, Sydney. You’re. Fuck. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t think any of this has been fake for-for me. I’m fucking glad that this happened if it means I don’t have to spend another second pretending I don’t love you. Or pretending I don’t love your laugh, or your smile, or your fucking eyes. You’re everything good.” 

You’re everything good. 

Suddenly they’re both doubled over slightly. “Ah,” Sydney says, fingers on her temple. She looks up to see Carmy doing the same. “You felt that too?” 

“Yeah it was like my voice but all fucking echo-y.” 

Sydney cups his face and kisses his nose. “M’sure it was nothing. And for what it’s worth, I loved hearing all that. Thank you,” she whispers this next part. “You’re actually really sweet.” 

Her hands travel down to his waist as she squeezes, leaning over and over until Carmy’s lying down with her piled on top. He huffs out a small grunt as Sydney presses a couple more kisses to his cheek and chin. 

She sighs. “So, what I’m hearing is, you’re crazy about me, fucking clinical, and you wanna be my cursed husband forever.” 

He nods, words pushed out of him completely. Sydney smiles and leans her head down into the crook of his neck. 

“I want that too. You’ll have me, always.” 

You’ll have me, always.

His head throbs again, this time it’s her voice as Sydney winces too. 

Huh.

“Do you think you guys might be able to babysit Sammy next Monday night? Pete said he wants to go to some antiques expo and it's all the way in St. Louis.” Natalie asks as she and Sydney sit next to each other sifting through paperwork in the office. 

“That could work. I’ll probably have to strong arm Carmy into dropping the whole ‘I hate babysitting’ act.” Sydney replies and it makes Natalie laugh.

“Well after the last time with you two and that little girl I’m surprised you said yes so fast. Even if you quote ‘fell even more in love with her over the course of a day’.” 

Sydney’s eyebrows scrunch. “Really? What hap—?” She stops short when Natalie gives her another worried look. “I-I mean. Yeah, for sure,” she says dejectedly. 

Nat has mercy on Sydney and bypasses the sad look on her face, tries to cheer her up. “Hey,” she starts, hand resting on Syd’s shoulder. “You guys have been a lot more…touchy lately. In good moods too. Guess that means you’re not fighting anymore.” 

Sydney chuckles. “No, no it was um. It was adjusting y’know? I guess after the-the honeymoon I got a little. Overwhelmed? And you already know how Carmen gets, so then we’re just fucking barking at each.” 

“Just like the old days.” Natalie teases, making Syd laugh again. 

“Juuuust like the old days. But he’s. He’s my favorite person, y’know? He’s. He’s mine.” Syd breathes it out, most likely with a dopey dreamy look on her face. “So I think we’ll be okay.” 

“You two have been through a lot, in your relationship and out of it. It makes sense.” Natalie reasons. “God, the first time you told me you felt something for him and the look on your face,” she coos, cupping Sydney’s chin. “Priceless. Anyways, I’m gonna go make some tea. Want any?” Sydney shakes her head but mutters in thanks as Natalie leaves her alone in the office. 

This is good. 

This is as good as it’s gonna get. It has to be. 

Feels like we get to connect. 

There it is again, that throbbing feeling after one of them says something entirely fucking random to the other person and it echoes in their heads. Carmy raises a hand to massage his temple as Sydney does the same. 

“The voices are getting louder when that happens.” She grumbles. 

“I know.” Having no real answer to what the hell is happening, Carmy just takes Sydney’s hand and raises it to his mouth to kiss it, quickly letting it go to get both of his hands back on the wheel before Syd has a conniption. 

“So,” she starts. “It’s our first day as like, a real married couple. Well, real as in not actively trying to get out of it.” 

“M’glad we’re spending it with your dad.” Carmy says, making a left turn. “He has a lot of cute pictures of you on the walls.” 

Sydney rolls her eyes, but he’s able to push a smile out of her. “Maybe he has another story about the wedding.” 

“You’ve been thinking about that?” Carmy asks. 

“I’ve been thinking about all of it.” Sydney replies without missing a beat. “That part is still weird. The forgetting thing.” 

“Yeah. Yeah it’s really weird. But it’s okay. We’re gonna be fine.” He grabs her hand to kiss it again when he gets a soft smile from her. 

They get upstairs to Emmanuel’s and ask if he’s in the mood for anything specific. 

“Y’all do not have to cook for me every time you’re here. But if you’re offering, shrimp and grits sounds pretty good.” Carmy laughs as Sydney rolls her eyes and asks him if he has at least two cheeses to work with. 

“Can one of you help me log into my Netflix? This thing always gives me a hard time.” Emmanuel calls from the living room. 

“I’ll go,” Carmy says. 

Sydney’s looking down as she shreds some Gruyère. “You sure? I don’t think he knows his password.” 

Carmy shrugs. “I’ll help him make a new one.” 

Sydney smiles and tilts her chin forward to ask for a kiss, one that Carmy provides gladly. 

He’s scrolling through the password reset email on her dad’s phone when Emmanuel speaks. “Y’all seem to be doing a little better. Less out of sorts.” 

Carmy looks up at him. “Yeah, yes we um. We-we just decided to stop worrying about the small stuff, I think.” 

Emmanuel smiles. “That’s just the kind of thing I used to say to Bea. But I mean, what she used to say to that is ‘I don’t like fighting, but I like knowing we did. Knowing that every fight we have is putting in the work to make this work.’” 

Carmy feels a guilt where he knows he shouldn’t, where he should have just gotten over it by now. He’s silent for a moment. “But wouldn’t you rather have the relationship without the hard parts? Just skip to the good?” 

Emmanuel chuckles. “The hard parts are the relationship, son. It’s what makes all the good parts shine, even though those shine on their own.”

He places his hand on Carmen’s shoulder. “You gave my baby a wonderful proposal, a beautiful wedding. And you bickered and bickered along the way, Sydney’s told me. It’s all a part of it. Getting to walk her down the aisle to you was special. All of it is.” 

“Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.” Carmy says. 

Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

“Damn it,” Sydney winces from the kitchen. 

“Ah,” Carmy winces from the couch at the same time. 

Emmanuel’s eyes furrow in concern. “You okay, baby?” He calls as Sydney calls back “all good!” 

“What about you son, you alright?” Carmy nods and smiles as much as he can. 

“Actually um. I forgot Sydney and I have to check up on-on a vendor at 11, kind of a late morning thing. Do you mind if we take off for about an hour?” Carmy asks and Emmanuel is already nodding. 

Sydney’s quick to grill him when they’re back in the car. “Whatcha doin’?” she asks in a sing-songy tone. 

“We have to go back to the library and return this stupid fucking book.” 

“You think the book has something to do with it?” 

Carmy looks at her quickly before directing his eyes back to the road. “It’s the only thing that we still have connected to this spell. We get rid of it, we get rid of the headaches and-and the voices.” 

It isn’t too long before they’re met with the same librarian Carmy first met when he checked the damn book out. She rolls her eyes and Carmen does the same. 

“Oh joy, you’re back.” She says flatly. 

“Whatever, I need to return this book.” He says, basically slamming it down onto the desk. 

“I said keep it, kid.” 

“We can’t keep it, it’s fucking us up and— look can you just take the book back?” 

Sydney interrupts their verbal spar, smiles at the older woman politely. “Woah, I’m um I’m so sorry ma’am I’m not sure what his deal is—"

“My deal? She’s the one—!” Carmy tries.

“Hush.” Sydney reprimands and it does indeed shut Carmen right up. 

“I’m Sydney. What’s your name?” 

“Harriet.” The librarian replies, stoic. 

“O-okay. Harriet, good morning it’s really nice to meet you. We were. We were just hoping to return the book and be on our way.” Sydney gives her another smile and it actually pulls one out of the librarian. 

Harriet looks over at Carmen. “Your wife’s a cutie pie. Could stand to be more like her.” 

“Trust me I wish I was.” He grumbles honestly. 

“Look, if you wanna return it because of the voices, it’s not gonna do anything.” She says and Carmy’s stomach drops. 

“Um, how do you know that?” Syd asks. 

“Because she fucking did this.” Carmy says, running his hand through his hair. That’s what the fuck this is. The doing of some sorceress or whatever that wanted to fuck around with them for fun. Carmy laughs deliriously like he’s cracked it which makes Sydney and the librarian give him an odd look. 

Harriet just rolls her eyes again. “I didn’t do this, kid, fate did. That’s the only way stuff like this happens, it's never someone else’s doing. It’s the universe.” Oh. Carmy deflates. Close enough. 

Sydney and Carmen are still wide eyed and silent until the librarian elaborates. “This happened to me and my wife. Well, ex-wife. We were best friends and I was in love with her. And one day we woke up married. I was thrilled, her not so much. This book,” she taps it, “was our only answer. Until it wasn’t.” 

“You didn’t figure out your shared experience?” Carmy asks. Harriet shakes her head. 

“No. We just got a divorce. Neither of us ever went back to our reality and we just deal with the voices. As soon as you said marriage curse I knew. Though I did pretend not to, so you'd leave.” 

“Fuck,” Sydney whispers as Carmen gives the librarian a deadpan look. “I’m really sorry.” She adds. 

Harriet smiles at Sydney. “Thank you, sweetie. But what I’m telling you now is, the only way to end it is to end it. If you want something real, there is no halfway.” 

Carmy sighs, this is such bullshit. All of this is. 

The librarian slides the book back over. “I was serious, Carmen. Keep it.” 

He narrows his eyes one last time. “How do you know my name?” 

“I have my ways.” She replies sarcastically. “Now if you will please, get out.” 

When they’re back parked in front of Emmanuel’s apartment it’s still silent. 

“Your voice in my head isn’t the worst thing in the world.” Carmy tries and even though it’s not as bright as he’d want it, Sydney does smile. 

The moment sits heavy in his head regardless. 

“Do you remember what band played? Or did we have a DJ? Did we invite my cousin Vicky? We had kind of a beef back when we were like 12 but she runs a tech start up now and I would have wanted to shove a fancy wedding in her face. Oh was there—?” 

“Sydney.” Richie says, sounding out both syllables. “I am begging you to stop.” 

Syd deflates from her place at expo as Richie rubs at his eyes. She knows he has a point, she’s been annoying as all hell, but it doesn’t hurt to use a last defense. 

“Carmen.” She says pointedly, imploring him to back her up which he does instantly. 

“Cousin, answer her questions.” 

Richie scoffs. “There’s only so many fuckin’ questions I can answer! How do you expect me to know all of this anyway? I was either caught up in last minute crap to do before the ceremony or dancing with my daughter at the reception. I do not know whether a Vick—" Richie stops himself. “Wait. Vicky? Long curly hair? Voice like a news anchor?”

Sydney lights up. “Yeah! Knew she was there!” She scoffs. “Desperate.” 

Ebra comes in from the dining room. “Carmen. We have an issue with the lights in front.” 

Carmy sighs and follows him out, leaving Sydney alone with Richie. 

“I don’t get it. What happened to finding the answer and reversing this shit?” 

Sydney shrugs, not looking him in the eye. “We um. Well we realized we don’t wanna go back. Just wanna be together, so.” She mutters. 

“I’m happy for you, Syd. Seriously, that's what I wanted you to do. But this question shit has to stop. I will quit.” He points a finger at her. 

Syd rolls her eyes. “No, you won’t. And I’m sorry I’m just. I just want to know how the wedding went. And what my dress looked like. And who came. And if the food was—" 

“See, that. You’re doing it again. I’m glad you’re staying because obviously, you’re fuckin’ knee deep. But, to do that you gotta stay in the present. Let those memories be memories.” Richie sighs. 

Sydney’s heart sinks, washed over by a specific brand of sadness and loss she hasn’t been able to identify. A loss that only comes back to her in random bits and pieces. 

“But they’re not memories, Richie. They’re just stories. It’s. I wanna know everything.” 

Richie shakes his head at her solemnly. “I don’t think that’s possible, sweetheart. If-if it was, you probably woulda remembered by now. I’m really sorry.” 

It’s not necessarily anything she didn’t expect, but it also hurts just as much as she thought it would. As much as she knows it shouldn’t. 

“Looking for my glasses after I took my contacts out, what a great idea…” Sydney mutters as she digs and digs through the dressers in their bedroom. “Fucking…did I throw them out?! Ugh!” 

Thankfully, Sydney’s digging isn’t fruitless, even if she’s already learned her lesson. In an anxious rush to get to bed and read after service she does things in the fucking wrong order every time. 

“Aha! There you fuckers are,” Sydney slips on her dark frames and sighs, looks back down to see two small books stacked on top of each other. 

The first one is a light blue book, more of a thick pamphlet than anything else. What to Do When You’re Expecting (Or When to Know) 

“Oh.” She sighs, all of the words she could have possibly had pummeled right out of her. 

A child. She wants a child with him. It was something she was looking into, fucking preparing for. A small smile spreads across her face, and then it instantly falls again. 

That’s so much, so soon. She doesn’t want that. Not yet. Not now. 

Right? 

Carmy walks in from the bathroom after washing off his face. “You find your glasses, baby?” 

Sydney’s face flushes at the term. She turns and points to it with a smirk. “Yeah, found them.” She stuffs the blue book back in the drawer underneath the mess and leaves the second book she found in her hand. 

“Found this too.” She sighs as she climbs into bed, Carmy close behind her. “I think it’s one of my work notebooks.” 

She shuffles into his hold as he presses a kiss to her cheek. Sydney smiles and turns her head to look at him properly, thumbs his chin to press a kiss to his lips. A sigh passes through her lips as she settles her back onto his chest and Carmy’s chin hooks over her shoulder. 

“Okay, so. Recipes, rewrites, tweaks. Nothing interesting…” Sydney drawls as they look through the book together. 

“Oh. This just fell out of it,” Carmy says, holding up a slip of paper folded neatly. 

Sydney’s eyebrows crinkle together curiously as she unfolds it and holds it up so they can read it together. 

The Best Gumbo 

• 1 cup of flour (make that roux as dark as chocolate!) 

• 1 yellow onion  

• 1 bunch of celery 

• 1 bunch of green onion 

• 1 bunch of fresh parsley 

• A couple cloves of garlic 

• Cajun seasoning 

• 8 cups of chicken broth 

• Some grilled chicken 

• 2 cups or so of shrimp 

• 2 andouille sausages (it has to be andouille!!) 

PATIENCE IS KEY!!!!!!!

“Holy shit.” Sydney and Carmen both say in unison. 

Syd gets up from the bed in a clumsy move. “The-the-that night. I asked you. I asked you to help me with my mom’s recipe because I found it,” 

“Yeah. We. We-we worked on it like all night and then I went home. To my apartment.” 

“Carmen.” Sydney breathes. “That was before we got here. Right before.” 

“The night before,” Carmy finishes for her. “Was that the shared experience? Making your mom’s gumbo?” 

A bout of silence overwhelms the room as the both of them stare at the slip of paper. 

“I-I think so, yeah. But this-this doesn’t mean we have to go back.” Sydney says. 

“No. No, it doesn’t. It-it’s just. Now we know what happened.” 

“Right,” Sydney slips back into bed, wraps her arms around Carmy. 

“I’m with you.” Carmy whispers. “However we got here, that’s all I care about.” He says it in a shaky voice and Sydney nods even shakier. 

“It’s all that matters.” She whispers, kissing the underside of his jaw. 

There’s a weird thump in her heart and a burning in her throat as she tries to close her eyes. 

That feeling used to be easier to ignore. 

“Cousin, we have a shipment out front they need—" Richie stops dead in his tracks. “The fuck is up with you?” 

Carmy wipes his face haphazardly and stands up from where he was squatting on the concrete in the alley. “Nothing. It was nothing.” 

Richie narrows his eyes. “You guys get into a fight again?” 

“No. No it’s um. It’s nothing.” He tries again and catches Richie sighing and shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. “Cousin…” 

Carmy blurts out his thoughts like his filter broke. “Do you think we’ll just get them back? Our-our memories? Like we remember bits and pieces so-so maybe that means all of it will come back.” Carmy breathes desperately. 

Richie sighs, face already painted completely in pity. “Carmen, I don’t fuckin’ know. I’m still wrapping my head around this spell shit but. I think rules are rules. If you’re here, you’re here. There’s no gettin’ anything back.”

“Fuck.” Carmy sobs. 

Richie darts his eyes to the door. “Wait here.” 

He bolts back inside and Carmy starts to panic again, the ground getting blurry when Sydney shuffles through the door. 

“Carm. Hey, what’s going on?” She says gently. 

He sniffles again and straightens up, shaking out his hand one more time before walking up to her. “I was just thinking and I got all. I don’t know in my fucking head about the memory thing.” 

“Oh—" 

“But it’s okay. Really it’s. I’m getting used to it but I don’t fucking care, I don’t.” 

He turns around and runs his hands across his face, blood going cold at the sound of Sydney’s voice. 

“I care.” 

Carmy turns again, eyes on her. “What?” 

Sydney sighs, whispers fuck under her breath. 

“I can’t fucking stand it, Carmy. All-all of this lost time. Time together we should have had—" 

“We have time now—" 

“It’s not enough!” She shouts. “Our first time. Our-our first date. Our wedding, our honeymoon. We missed all of that. And I keep trying to think back or-or pester Richie with questions and it’s not the same.” 

Carmy walks up to her, takes her hands in his. “I wanna stay here with you, Syd. I wanna be married to you, I-I want. I want this. I’ll fucking get over the rest.” 

Syd’s eyebrows scrunch up and she takes in a shaky breath. “I love you.” 

Fuck. “You. You love me?” 

She laughs, a little watery sounding. “Yes, dude. Of course I do. That’s why we have to go back.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

She takes his face in her hands and smiles sadly. “You are worth the fucking effort, Carmen. I don’t want half of a relationship with you. If we want the whole thing, we have to go back. Do this with me. Please?” 

His eyes scrunch up shut in an attempt to bite back more tears and Carmy nods. “You’re worth all the work in the fucking world, Syd. I love you.” 

“I love you.” She whispers before pulling his face forward pressing a tender kiss to his lips. One turns into two, then three before Sydney sighs against his mouth. 

“This fucking sucks.”

He nods, taking her in his arms and mumbling against her shoulder as her arms come up to his waist. “It does.”

“So it’s gonna be completely empty?” Sydney asks over the phone. “What about the kitchen?” 

Her landlord—former landlord— chuckles gently. “It’ll be empty. Have to lug over your own stuff and it has to be sparkling when you’re done.” It’s a relief really. Syd didn’t know if she was going to be able to get her former apartment for even a night but thankfully it wasn’t rented out and she still had her landlord’s number stashed away in her phone. Took about a $200 fee to convince her to give it up but she agreed. If this reset is gonna work, it needs to fucking work. 

This can’t be for nothing. 

“You’re a lifesaver, Jen.” Sydney says as she hangs up the phone. 

A shaky sigh leaves her as she looks around their apartment. God, the art is so beautiful. She’s almost envious that Carmen was able to pick up a skill like that so seamlessly. The way for Syd is written in the edges of all of them so lovingly makes her want to cry, yank them off the walls and take them with her. 

Carmy sidles up next to her while she eyes the painting of her risotto. “I sketched it for you for your birthday. You said you wanted to watch me paint it so I waited and you picked the colors. Good choices.” He sighs. 

Sydney wipes away a tear. “What else did we do for my birthday?” She asks in a slight whisper, already knowing what he’s going to say. 

His blue eyes darken slightly as he looks down. “I don’t remember. Do you?” 

She shakes her head sadly, mouthing the word no. Sydney takes his hand then, raises it to her lips so she can give his knuckles a soft kiss. 

“I… fuck,” she gasps. “I am gonna head over there and-and set up. Be there at 6:00. Okay?” 

Carmy nods frantically, making his way to the door before turning around and wringing his hands together. “Can I just? I um. If-if this is really the last time then I was wondering—" 

Sydney walks up to him and cups his face with two hands. “Carm. Stop being a drama queen and kiss me. Please?” 

He practically sweeps her up, pulls her forward by his palms warm on her waist and presses his lips to hers. 

It’s a frantic exchange, the noisy smacks of their lips together and a pained yet soft moan that comes out of Carmen making Sydney do the same, still cupping his face. One of her hands trails backward to his hair, grabbing the soft curls at the nape and pushing a groan out from him too. Sydney smiles against his mouth as they slow, one that fades when Carmy starts to pull away. 

She presses a couple more indignant kisses to his mouth before giving up, resting her forehead on his. 

“You got your old place right?” 

Carmy nods with their foreheads still together and it makes her head move with his. Sydney laughs. “The landlord was really fuckin’ confused. But he said it was fine. For $300.” 

Sydney shrugs. “$200. Both of our old places being empty must mean something.” 

It was the safest bet, recreating that night exactly how it was, and that includes falling asleep where they did back where they remember. 

Their best shot. 

“Oh.” Syd chirps, letting Carmen go completely and rushing back into their bedroom. She rummages around the closet until she finds what she’s looking for and faces him again. 

She sticks the rolled up sleeping bag out to him with a pillow and a smile. “So you don’t have to sleep on the floor. Empty apartment.” 

Carmy smiles back, taking it from her. “Thanks. Didn’t know we were the camping types.” 

She snorts. “Yeah. Wonder what the fuck the story is with that.” 

Carmy looks like he’s about to respond and then thinks about it and sighs. What he does do is step forward to tilt his head and press a lingering kiss to Sydney’s cheek. “See you at 6:00.” 

Okay. Hair is reasonably combed. Shirt doesn’t have any wrinkles. Cologne is sprayed all over his neck. 

Carmy shakes out his hands. Shit, he’s nervous. 

Which makes sense. This is the first real lead they’ve had toward an answer, and the more Carmen thinks about that night before they woke up here, the more he remembers it. As much as now, he kind of wishes he didn’t. 

Before he heads out the door, he gets a call from Natalie. 

“Hey, Bear,” she says. 

“Hey. What’s wrong are you alright? Is it Sammy?” 

He can hear his sister roll her eyes. “You have to stop thinking I’m calling because something’s wrong. I’m just checking up.” 

It’s felt oddly wrong, keeping all of this from his sister, but Carmen knows if this isn’t forever she doesn’t need to know it’s ending.  It’s not worth hurting her. 

“Yeah I’m gonna go to Syd’s—" he stops himself. “Syd and I are just um. We’ve just been taking the day. Doing whatever.” 

“That’s good. I already told her but I’m glad you two aren’t on the outs anymore. You just got fucking married. Feel free to be that cringy newlywed couple you guys never let yourselves be.” 

Carmy sighs. “Look Sug I um. I just wanted you to know that. She-she makes me really happy. The fucking happiest I’ve ever been and. I’ll do anything to end up here again. And I’m glad to have you.” 

Natalie makes a confused sound. “I know that, Bear. End up where?” 

Carmy checks his watch. 5:32. “With her. With all of you.” 

“Carmen I don’t—" 

“I love you, Nat. I’ll call you later, alright? I promise.” 

“Don’t say cryptic fucking things to me and then expect me to just hang up. Are you okay?” Natalie sounds like she’s about to panic. 

“I’m fine. I’m with Syd, safe.” 

There’s an audible sigh on her side as soon as he says Sydney’s name and he’s able to get her off the phone. He probably shouldn’t have worded it like that, never knew how to say things to Natalie that didn’t sound fucking alarming. 

Here goes nothing. Carmy grabs his keys off with a sound that echoes throughout the completely empty apartment and leaves. 

Sydney opens the door after three knocks, smiles wide and beautiful before she tamps it down. Carmy still wants to lean forward and kiss her. 

He raises one of the bags in his hand instead. “I um. I brought everything on the list. Hope I didn’t forget shit, my head is…” 

Sydney steps aside to let him inside. “Yeah, mine too. C’mon.” 

He does as she says and looks around at the empty apartment that resembles the one he just left not twenty minutes ago. 

“Wow I um. I forgot what your place looked like.” 

“I think you liked it. Y’know when I had stuff in it, at least.” Sydney sighs, unpacking a bag. 

Carmy does the same. “Yeah I did.” 

Chopping and pressing, mincing and stirring take place until it’s time to start up a roux. 

“How many times to get your first roux right?” Carmen asks, looking over to see Sydney light up adorably. She remembers. 

“Two.” She beams, tilting her head proudly. 

“Shit,” he whistles. “That smell thing really works then, huh?” 

“Every time.” She says, eyebrows wiggling in a way that pushes a laugh out of him. “Six is insane, by the way. I didn’t say anything then but now I can tell you. Insane.” 

Carmy laughs again. “Fuck off. If I’d known you then, you coulda taught me.” 

Something funny happens in his heart at that thought. The thought of having more time with Sydney than he’s already had. That he’d live a million lifetimes with her even if it was the same thing over and over. He doesn’t care. 

“Really?” Sydney asks quietly, turning down the heat. 

“Huh?” 

“You s-you said that you’d um. That you’d live a million lifetimes with me. Are you? Really? You would?” Her big brown eyes are staring directly at him, eyebrows curving upward. 

“Of course.” He says like it’s nothing. “If I ever got lucky enough.” 

Silence takes them over again as Sydney turns her head back toward the pot with a shy smile. The veggies, shrimp and sausage are all dumped, so she announces that they have to wait now. 

“Oh. Right.” Carmy whips out his laptop from his backpack. “Bought Snow Buddies. Well, rented.” 

Sydney smiles at him again, this time accompanied by a lighthearted roll of her eyes. They slump up against the wall on the floor, not having the luxury of even a couch this time but Carmen really doesn’t mind. 

“Here,” Syd murmurs before grabbing his stiff arm and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Wanted you to do that last time.” She finishes. Carmy chuckles as he shuffles even closer. 

“Yeah. Wanted to do that really bad.” 

About a half hour of the movie goes by before Carmen speaks up. “What do you think it was about that night?” 

Sydney turns to look at him. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean like. It wasn’t a big firework moment or-or a fight or. I don’t know. It was just the two of us spending time together. I was really happy it was to talk about your mom and stuff and make her recipe but. I wouldn’t have thought it would have done this.” 

Syd sighs. “Well we didn’t just talk about my mom. We talked about yours. And I don’t know about you but that was probably the first time that I accepted that I felt differently about you. I’d felt it before then but that night. That night I couldn’t put that shit aside anymore. I really cared about you, Carmen. I love—" she stops herself. Carmy looks into her eyes, understanding. 

“Me too.” He finishes for her without the words. “More than anything. But I knew that before then. I guess that’s why it still feels random to me. You’ve made me feel that way since we met.” 

“Like what?” Sydney wiggles her eyebrows as she asks but he can hear the vulnerability. Carmy brings a hand up to cup her face and shrugs. 

“Like I really didn’t give a fuck about anything else if it meant I couldn’t be with you.” 

He tucks a braid behind her ear as a soft smile forms under his palm, Syd’s big brown eyes shining at him. 

She taps the spacebar and pauses the movie. “I think it’s ready.” 

He almost fucking hates it, how familiar the taste is. How specific this blend of spices are, the slight snap of the sausage, how tender the shrimp is soaked in the stew. Carmy’s raising his spoon to his mouth consecutively without looking up, and he hears a snort come from next to him. Sydney’s legs are bent under her as they sit on the floor, hand raising to wipe at his mouth. 

“Slob,” she fakes a grimace when she says it, snickering when Carmy rolls his eyes at her. 

“I hope you find another recipe.” He mumbles as he helps her up off the floor with two hands, bowls on their way to being washed out. “Your mom was. She was good. Really fucking good.” 

He doesn’t get a reply as Sydney quietly takes out Tupperware for packing. “Sydney.” 

“I can’t tell anymore if I want this to work or if I don’t. Or if it even will.” She huffs. 

“It’s gonna work, Syd. It’s gonna work.” 

“Just feels like we’re giving something up. Like we’re gonna lose this,” she sighs. 

Carmen shakes his head. “You were right. We’re getting the time back we should have had to begin with. Our firsts. All of that belongs to us. We’re just going back to it. Not losing anything.” 

She nods slowly, looking back down. 

The bags are in his hands as he steps out into the doorway. He turns toward her, having looked forward to this part the whole time. The part he remembers more vividly than any other. 

Sydney gently pounces as soon as he puts the bag down, making him push out a small oof as they both chuckle. Carmy brings his hands up to wrap around her waist gripping tighter as the seconds go by and resting the flat of his palms on as much of her upper and lower back as he can reach. 

She backs up, eyes darting around his face. “Promise me you’ll ask me out, okay? I-I know you get weird and I do too. But just. Ask me out. Fuck the rest.” 

He nods frantically, thumbs brushing her waist. “I-I promise. I’ll fuckin’ find the nerve somehow.” 

Syd leans forward and for an idiotic moment he thinks he’ll get a kiss, but all she does is knock her forehead against his goofily. 

“Ow.” He mutters with no heat. 

She smiles sadly at him. “Go.” 

So he does, lays his head down on the pillow Sydney gave him in the empty space where his couch used to be and tries to find a comfortable spot over the sleeping bag. The echo of his empty apartment amplifies every sniff, every sigh, every frustrated groan. 

Eventually, it all fades away. 

Sydney jolts straight up in bed with an itchy bead of sweat on her neck. 

“Fuck,” she mutters, rubbing at her forehead, upper part of her back too. Damn broken spring. 

She’s had weird dreams before, and it’s not like none of them have involved Carmy before. But this one was really weird. And vivid. 

There’s the freakiest urge to check her Illinois state ID so she pads over to her dresser where her wallet lies. When she does it’s the same as it always looks, her embarrassing photo with Sydney Adamu written on it. 

It’s 7:03 in the morning though. Not really the best time to dwell over anything. 

“Morning, Sydney, my love, can you—?” Natalie approaches her at her locker but stops herself, immediately pressing a warm palm to her forehead. “Are you okay? You sick? You know you’re not supposed to—" 

Sydney smiles at her sleepily, grabs the hand on her forehead to lower it. “M’fine, Nat. I just had the freakiest fucking dream.” 

“Ah, one of those. Wanna tell me about it? I love weirdo dreams.” She wiggles her eyebrows and it makes Sydney laugh. 

As she’s about to open her mouth she gets a glimpse of Carmy over by expo as his eyes raise to look over at her too, innocently blinking as he raises a hand to say hi. 

Sydney turns back toward Natalie. “Y’know I um. I swear I just had it but I can’t remember anymore.” 

Natalie shrugs. “Maybe it’ll come back later. You know it’s funny Carmy looks just like you this morning. I swear you both don’t get enough sleep at all it’s fucking grating.” That makes Syd roll her eyes lightheartedly. 

“Other than that,” the blonde continues. “Morning checks and staff meeting have to be like an hour earlier today. Trying to relieve Pete from Sammy as much as I can this week, I feel so bad.” 

“Bluey isn’t doing it for her right now?” Sydney asks automatically. 

“God, it was but now she’s—" Nat stops herself again. “You knew she was obsessed with Bluey?” 

Sydney’s eyes squint in confusion before widening. “What um. What baby isn’t, y’know? Pete must have mentioned it to me, I guess.” 

Natalie smiles as she’s about to walk away, but Syd reaches a hand out to stop her. “I would uh. I’d love to see her again. If that’s okay?” Nat lets out a soft laugh at that. 

“Of course, sweetheart. I know holding her the first time was a little nerve wracking but you really were a natural with her. Let me know, alright?” 

Nat pinches her cheek before walking back into the office, leaving Sydney to shyly stroll over to Carmen by the island. 

“Hi.” 

Carmy looks up at her, tries for a small smile. “H-hi. Hey I um. What’s-what’s going on?” 

Sydney snickers, drawling out the first syllable of her answer. “I work here. Think I own the place too but I’m not sure…?” 

Carmy laughs too, rolls his blue eyes away from her. “Fuck off.” 

“How’d you sleep? I hope um. I hope yesterday didn’t throw off your regular Monday schedule or whatever,” Syd says. 

“What? No. No. I had fun yesterday. It’s just um. I had the weirdest fucking dream. Felt. Felt really real.” He replies, voice quiet and breathy. 

“Really? What was it about?” Sydney tries. 

She can tell she’s taken him aback though, Carmy’s eyes darting back down to the silver surface as her own face heats. 

“You-you were in mine.” She blurts, eyes scrunching in embarrassment at what she’s just said and fingers fidgeting nervously. 

Carmen doesn’t say anything, just quirks his eyebrows up curiously at her. “Yeah I can’t remember much but we were. I dunno I think we were married or something? And it was like some freak spell pulled us together and we were trying to undo it. Pretty sure Richie was there too. Crazy right?” She finishes her diatribe in a messy flurry and is still met with silence. Carmy shakes his head as if snapping back into the moment. 

“Can you. Just-just give me a second. I’ll be right back,” He rushes to the back of the kitchen through the alley door, leaving Sydney standing alone. 

When he gets back he’s holding a bouquet, wrapped in a bow and already in a beautiful vase. Peonies and— 

“Lilacs. You got me flowers?” Sydney asks in a whisper, looking up to see Carmen’s red face. 

He nods. “Yeah, they’re um. Well-well you mentioned how much you liked peonies before so I asked the shop guy for the white ones and the lilacs were your mom’s favorite—" 

“Favorite flower.” Sydney finishes. “Carmy, how did you know that?” 

“I’m not sure. I-I mean I’m kind of sure but the explanation I have is sorta fucked I-I—" 

“Hey,” Sydney says, gently sliding the bouquet to the side and stepping closer to him, toe to toe. “I get it.”

Carmy’s sleepy blues flick between hers. “Syd um. Sydney I wanted to ask if. If-if you’d go out with me. Sometime. Anytime.” 

Her heart flutters and speeds. “What?” She mumbles without thinking. 

“A-a date,” Carmy says clumsily as if it’s something he needs to clear up. 

“You’re asking me out? On a date? Like romantically?” 

Carmy takes a breath in, another out. “If-if I’m lucky. And if you’ll have me. But-but if not and if I’m making a fucking ass of myself right now that’s okay—" 

“No!” Sydney shouts, not at all mindful of her sudden change in volume. “N-no I um. That’s. Date. That sounds nice. You uh. Yes. Yes, Carmen I’d love to go out with you.” 

Carmy beams a little and it makes her heart soar. “You serious?” 

She just nods as a smile melts across her face. “Where you taking me?” She teases. 

Carmy matches her smile with his own, stepping even closer. “Anywhere you want.” 

She hems and haws, pretending to think about it before chuckling. “Sounds good. And the flowers are really really really nice. Thank you.” She leans in as Carmy does the same, his pretty eyelashes fluttering as his eyes shut. At the last second Sydney smirks, tilts her head forward to knock her forehead against his. 

“Ow.” He says with no heat behind his words at all, not even any alarm. 

And she’d leave it at that, but she really can’t help it. Sydney leans forward again to press a tender kiss to his cheek. 

When she pulls back his fingers automatically come up to his cheek in a movement so sweet and sincere it hurts. 

“C’mon. Have to go over the agenda for today.” She says simply, tilting her head over to the office with the vase in her hands. 

He shakes the dazed look out of his eyes before following her. 

It’s all familiar.