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Chapter Text

Sugar

[I could give a thousand reasons
I could live a thousand lives
I know I would always meet you
Underneath the summer sky…
Show me that love is worth the wait
Tell me I’m right…
I’ve waited so long for a love so true
So I’m giving it all right back to you…]
- ‘Sugar’ by Tonic

001

@AlexAnnie_J: (Monday, 09/23/2024, 7:43AM) Destiel sighting at Sugarme! cafe on 7th. We were standing behind them in line

@TTTPatience55: (Monday, 09/23/2024, 7:44AM) Mr W ordered his ‘usuals’. While Mr W was talking to the barista, Mr N grabbed the two cups and rushed out of the cafe. The stare Mr N gave Mr W could freeze hell over!

“Good morning, girls,” Dean said on his way out of the cafe.  Alex and Patience were his students from Calculus I.  They were some of his better students, and Dean didn’t mind the stares and giggles whenever he and Castiel were talking or whatever.

“Good morning, Mr. Winchester,” they said in perfect sing-song-y unison.  Dean gave them a wink before closing the cafe door behind him.  Castiel had taken his coffee when he was talking to Lisa the Cute Barista, who always made his latte to perfection.

It was Monday morning and Dean had had a busy weekend.  With the fall semester well on the way, he had tests to grade and syllabuses to update based on how fast or slow his classes were taking in the material.  His brother Sam visited over the weekend, as it was his fall break.  Sam was in his third and final year at Stanford Law, which made Dean immensely proud of him, but the stress of it all was getting to his little bro.  So, he’d taken Sam out to bar crawl.  Getting him shit-faced drunk always made him loosen up and talk about whatever it was that was bothering him.  Castiel had tagged along after Dean begging him to come out.  ‘Only as your chaperone and designated driver, Dean.’ His roommate and best friend had told him.  That was fine because on Sunday morning, or in the afternoon to be exact, he and Sam woke up on their tiny living room sofa, hungover as anything.  But their wallets and dignities were intact.

All Sunday afternoon was spent on the same sofa nursing their nauseous stomachs and spinning heads.  Castiel would poke his head out of his room just to check if they were alive, but by dinner time, he was squeezed in between the Winchester brothers to watch re-runs of Dr. Sexy MD, chewing on mediocre pizza slices along with them.

Sam had recovered enough to drive back up to Stanford in the morning (he didn’t have Monday classes).  Castiel was moody all morning and decidedly not chatty in the passenger side of Dean’s beloved Impala.  Dean left him alone after he got his coffee from his friend and fellow teacher.  But he did tell Dean his usual, ‘Thanks for the ride, have a good day,’ as he exited the car and headed to his office.  Dean was still slightly hungover, but it didn’t hinder his work.  He was ill-prepared for his classes, but he winged it, like a lot of things in his life.

Dean had his lunch break at fifth period.  He bought a sad looking ham sandwich from the cafeteria and ate in the teacher’s lounge.  Garth, a fellow math teacher, and Ash, computer sciences, sat with him as he chewed his rubbery sandwich in between swigs of iced tea.  Garth had a lot of stories about his toddlers that filled the silence.  Dean’s phone buzzed several times from his pocket, but he left it alone as he was sure that it was Sam letting him know he got home safely.  He finally checked his phone as he was heading to his next class.

Sam had texted that he’d gotten home and that he’d call him in the evening.  Dean never did get him to talk about whatever it was troubling him, so he hoped it was just anxiety and stress from school and exams.  He sent a thumbs up emoji.

There were some texts from Gabriel, Castiel’s older brother, which wasn’t unusual because Cas turned his phone off during work.  Dean left them unread.

The group chat with his best friends Charlie, Benny, and Aaron had something happening, but Dean didn’t have the time to get into anything with them at the moment.  Charlie worked freelance in programming, so she sent them memes and reddit articles at all times of the day.  Benny was usually free during the day and was a busy chef in the evening, so he was good about reacting to Charlie’s texts.  Aaron was a ghostwriter for some television shows, so he was always available.  Sometimes Dean envied his friends who had jobs in fields they enjoyed.  He didn’t hate teaching and truly enjoyed making a difference in kids’ lives, but he did wonder sometimes.

The next text he clicked open because he would be murdered (not literally) if he didn’t.

Claire, with a little bear face emoji next to her name, had sent, ‘Can you remind my dad that he has to pick me up today? He’s not answering me or mom.’

Dean answered her, ‘Got it.’

He swiveled around, almost knocking over a few innocent students.  He hustled towards Castiel’s class.  He forgot to knock (they never knocked on each other’s door at home) as he entered the room and came to face a full class of stunned students.  Castiel looked flustered as well, paused mid-sentence of his probably intriguing lesson on the history of taxation or whatever it was he taught this one about.

“Dean!” Castiel scolded.  “I’m in the middle of—”

The bell was well-timed and all of Castiel’s students shuffled out.

“Sorry, man,” Dean tried.  He meant it, but his apologies never sounded sincere, which was a trait of his that Castiel disliked.  He called it the Winchester Apology.  Dean never meant his and Sam’s sounded like a wounded puppy.  So, Dean added, “Seriously.  Sorry.  You gotta check your phone.  Claire texted me because you weren’t answering her.”

Castiel sighed and retrieved his phone out of his bag.  It took a long time to turn it back on because he refused to upgrade it.  Dean watched his friend stab at the screen until he got to the texts, reading his daughter’s message.

“I… Yes.  Thank you, Dean.  I have to pick up Claire today and am supposed to have dinner with her.”

Castiel grabbed one of his sticky notes, writing with a marker meant for the whiteboard, ‘Pick up Claire from club at 4:50’ in big blocky letters.  The sticky note immediately curled on itself because the school decided to cut cost on supplies and got generic ones that never stuck to any surface.  Dean tore off a piece of scotch tape to press the note down on the desk, among all the mess of books and papers and teaching aide and stuff.  The simple act of helping his friend with the simpler task of writing down the reminder and making it stick, Dean had stepped into Castiel’s space.  Close enough he could smell the aftershave (they had separate bathrooms, so Dean had no idea what brand) and the fabric softener used on his clothes (unlike Dean who used the affordable, non-softening brand).  Stepping into Castiel’s space was done unconsciously, but Dean liked it there.  Castiel had the most amazing blue eyes (which Claire inherited) and fluffy hair that never wanted to stay in place.  If he were brave enough, he would have made a move fifteen years ago. 

He wasn’t.  And Castiel wasn’t into dudes anyway.

And per usual, Castiel stepped back.  He cleared his throat and said, “Thanks, Dean.”

Dean stepped back as well, completely out of Castiel’s space.  “Yeah.  I mean… Sorry.  Too.”

“Your next class must be starting shortly.”

“Yeah.” Dean looked at his watch.  Then a thought occurred to him.  “Shit, dude.  It was your weekend with Claire, wasn’t it.”

He was a shitty friend.  Castiel had cancelled his weekend with his daughter so that Dean could have Sam over and go on a binge drinking spree like they were still twenty-five.

“Claire had a thing.  We’re having dinner tonight, so it’s not your fault, Dean.”

“Right.  Sorry, dude.  Um… Do you want a ride?  After school?  I can chauffeur you around town if you want me to.”

“Don’t you have afterschool tutoring on Mondays?”

“I do.  I can cancel or postpone.”

“I’d be the worst kind of teacher if I put myself before any of the students.  Do your thing and I’ll take the bus home for my car.  I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.  Thank you, Dean.”

If Dean’s apologies didn’t sound sincere, Castiel’s words of gratitude held some tone in it that Dean couldn’t quite figure out.  It sounded like a dismissal or a blame in Dean’s ears.

“Alright.  See you later tonight, I guess.”

Dean sometimes wondered why Castiel still put up with him.

He was late to his Calculus I class.  His students were counting down the ten-minute rule (he was eight minutes and twenty seconds late).  Alex and Patience broke out into a long fit of giggles, and Dean officially gave up figuring out what the hell made teen girls lose it these days.

Chapter Text

When Dean was in high school, he never imagined he was a college-bound guy. 

His family was poor, and they’d lost their childhood home to a freak fire accident when he was five and Sam was a baby, just old enough to crawl around.  They lost their mom, too, and Dean never talked about it.  Dad didn’t have home insurance, so they’d lost everything, and for years, they lived in stinky motels and the back of Dad’s car.  Dean remembered Dad’s friends stepping in because Dad drank too much, and the boys needed a home.  It was a trailer rental home, but it was a home, and the boys were able to attend school for the first time without the threat (or promise) of transferring anytime soon.  Sam thrived, even as a kid, and caught up easily with his peers (he was always the brains).  Dean had a harder time adjusting, but he tried for Sammy and Dad.  And for Bobby, who rented the trailer home out to them for pennies, and Rufus who secretly gave the boys books and pocket money for school things.

Dean was sixteen when Dad settled down, threw out all the booze and went to work on time, because Sammy wanted to go live anywhere else (with Grandpa Sam who hated Dad).  Dean saw how old and tired Dad looked, sleeping on the sofa because the only bedroom in the trailer was shared by the boys.  Dean found odd jobs here and there to help with the dire money situation at home.  And he promised himself that he had to get Sam out of here and he’d do anything to get him to a good college.

It just never occurred to Dean that he had a chance to go to college as well.  He did the school stuff and played baseball because he was good at it.  Dad liked baseball, was always watching the games, and for the first time in Dean’s life, Dad didn’t look at him like he was a disappointment.  Dean never thought it would get him anywhere.  When San Diego University offered Dean a scholarship to play ball and attend school, Dean was going to turn it down.  But of course, Sam found out and yelled at him that he’d disown him if he didn’t go.  Dad didn’t say a thing but the next day, gave him an envelope of money and the keys to the Impala.  ‘Been saving up whatever I could so you could go to college.  Or away from all this shit when you were ready.’  It was first time in a very long time he hugged Dad.

There was a lot on Dean’s shoulders.  He was the first Winchester to go to college.  He was the first Campbell to go to college, too, but his mother’s family didn’t keep in touch with him all that much.  Bobby was so proud of him, helped him fix up the Impala so he wouldn’t have any car troubles.  Rufus gave him this ‘I told you so’ talk, clapping him on the shoulder and his eyes sparkling.  Sam promised that he’d stay with Dad and stay out of trouble, and that he’ll grab a scholarship to follow in Dean’s footsteps.  He’d never seen his little brother be so proud of Dean, and maybe he’d realized just then that Sam really did look up to him.

“Hey, you must be my roommate,” Dean walked into the small dormitory room, setting his stuff down on the floor.  There was this skinny kid who was hovering over his open suitcase, disheveled hair and honest-to-god suspenders over his short-sleeved button down and khakis.  “I’m Dean.  Dean Winchester.”

The kid glanced at him.  Dean wasn’t the kind of guy who noticed things like people’s coloring or distinct features.  But this guy had the bluest eyes he’d ever seen, and it was unsettling, the way he was looking at him.  Dean’s outstretched hand was studied for a long time, but before Dean took it back, the guy grabbed it in a firm shake.  “Castiel.”

“Cas… Till?  Casti-el?”

Rather than challenging his poor pronunciation, the guy gave him a small smile and repeated his name.  “Castiel.  Novak.”

“Good to meet you.”

“I claimed this side of the room, but I haven’t unpacked yet, so if you want to switch, I’m willing to negotiate.”

“Dude,” Dean said.  He looked around the small space.  Either side was much of the same.  Dorm-sized beds with storage beneath, same desks and a radiator between the beds under a dusty window.  The only difference was the door to the bathroom was on the left, a simple shower and toilet combo with lockers.  It opened up to the connecting room, which was still closed, so four occupants were going to have to share.  It was better than any room Dean had ever had, except the childhood room, which was just a distant memory now.  Besides, he was used to sharing space.  “This is better than any room I’ve ever had so I don’t mind taking this side.”

That comment got Castiel tilting his head a little to the side, eyes narrowing as if to read him.  Uncomfortable, Dean started unpacking his stuff.  He didn’t have much, and he was quick and methodic.  Castiel was sorting his things away and soon, they were moved in.

“Did you meet any of the other guys in the hall?” Dean asked.

“No.  I haven’t seen anyone yet.”

“Right.  Early move-in.”

“We’ve got to check in with the RA and then I was going to get some food.”

“Yeah?  I’ll come with.  I’ve got a meeting with the coaches at… three.  When’s your meeting?”

“Pardon?”

“Um, the coaches.” At Castiel’s blank stare, Dean explained.  “I’m here on a baseball scholarship.  The coaches told me that I’d be rooming with another baseball player.”

“Oh.  I… I guess there was a mistake.  I’m here on a regular scholarship and am not a baseball player.” Castiel picked up his wallet and keys off of his desk.  Dean did the same.  “Perhaps this is just a temporary room for you.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

The school had made a mistake, Dean found out and got him waitlisted for transfer upon his coaches’ insistence.  But school started soon, and Dean was so busy with classes and training that he’d forgotten about it.  Besides, Castiel was a great roommate.  He didn’t complain if Dean made noise early in the morning to get to practice.  He was a smart dude, and Dean enjoyed the comfortable silence they shared in the evenings, working at their respective desks.  Castiel never turned Dean away if he asked for help and started a study guide for him.  He was funny, too, when he loosened up a bit.  So, when the school told Dean they had a new room with one of the players on the team that Dean didn’t particularly enjoy the company of, Dean told him that he was fine in his room and that he’d like to continue living with Castiel.  Castiel seemed to like him, too, and it was just easy living together. 

When Castiel asked him if Dean would consider sharing a room again in the new fall semester, Dean agreed wholeheartedly.

Chapter Text

@TTTPatience55: (Saturday, 10/05/2024, 6:19PM) OMG Destiel sighting at Le Seraph!

@DarkKaia666: (Saturday, 10/05/2024, 6:20PM) That’s such a bougie restaurant.  Must be a date!  I knew Destiel was real!

@AlexAnnie_J: (Saturday, 10/05/2024, 6:23PM) Looked up pictures.  Looks like a romantic spot.  I always assumed they have boring coffee dates and then stayed in since they’re so old.  But so happy for them!

@TTTPatience55: (Saturday, 10/05/2024, 11:07PM) I was with my auntie so had to put the phone away.  So Destiel was there, both in suits, Mr W had no tie.  They were with a girl about our age who looked a lot like Mr N.  They looked like they were having a good time and near the end, the chef came out to talk to them for a bit.  I’m so curious about all of that.

One of the things Dean cherished these days were the times he got to spend with Castiel and his daughter, Claire.

Although Claire’s mom had updated Castiel on her growth and important events, she had asked Castiel to stay away.  Castiel, being the kind of good guy he was, did as he was asked to.  Their dorm and the apartments they shared were decorated with the girl’s school photos and holiday cards, but that had been the extent of any father-daughter relationship.  Dean tried to understand both sides and even felt resentment towards Claire’s mom at one point.  But then Castiel had asked him to not hate the mother of his daughter because she gave him someone he could love unconditionally. 

Dean thought Castiel would never meet his daughter until she turned eighteen, but she’d turned up at their door one day, thirteen, scared and rebellious, and asked Dean, ‘Are you my dad?’ like she couldn’t believe it.  Castiel was at a faculty meeting, phone off and unreachable, and it wasn’t as if Dean had Claire’s mom’s number, so he couldn’t call anyone (Claire refused to give the number to him until she met her real dad).  The awkwardness was heavy between them as they sat on the opposite ends of the sofa, waiting for Castiel or Amelia to come get her, until Claire asked, ‘So, are you like, my dad’s boyfriend?’

Two years later, Dean was on easy terms with Claire.  She was still going through a phase (emo? goth? biker girl? Dean still doesn’t know what to call it) but she was a good kid.  She was talking to a counselor about the whole ‘the dad who raised me wasn’t actually my dad’ thing, but Dean thought she actually enjoyed hanging out with her much younger bio-dad.  And if her dad’s just-a-friend-slash-roommate hung around, she tolerated him. 

Still, Castiel was legally a stranger to his daughter.  He’d signed away all parental rights before she was even born.  Dean asked only once if Castiel wanted to fight for her.  Castiel shook his head and asked Dean to drop it.  Claire found out her dad wasn’t her dad by accident (she used some genealogy app for funsies) she snuck into her parents’ things and deduced that Castiel was her real dad (tenacious and intelligent, just like Castiel).  But because Castiel had no legal claims, Claire’s insistence was the only thing that kept her coming back.  A Saturday spent together, some dinners, and all the school and extracurricular events she wanted, Castiel was there.  She’d slept over a few times (in Castiel’s room, forcing her old man to sleep in with Dean) until her mom didn’t think it was ‘no longer appropriate’.

Claire was chatting about some teen-angst fantasy series books throughout dinner.  Dean was invited by Benny to taste test some of his new menu items, so Dean naturally invited Castiel.  ‘I have Claire that day,’ his best friend said, so Dean extended the invite.  Benny was happy to have the three of them.  The new menu was great, experimental, and Dean approved.  Claire held Castiel’s undivided attention the entire night, which Dean didn’t mind because it was his daughter, except that he did want to talk to Castiel about stuff, too.  It was just that the schoolyear had been so busy, they hadn’t really had a chance to talk about anything lately.  Most importantly, Dean needed to talk about their lease renewal coming up at the end of next month.  Dean pushed it out of his mind, distantly listening to Claire’s literary endeavors when the server came over with dessert.

Benny had a really great pastry chef and testing new dessert was Dean’s favorite thing.  Dean’s plate was filled with large servings of pie and pastries, and a row of new ice cream flavors in sample bowls.  Benny joined them a few minutes later, sitting in the empty seat next to Dean.  After shaking hands with Castiel and Claire, Benny pulled Dean into a big hug.  The thing Dean had with Benny was years of ongoing flirtation, but Dean knew where Benny’s heart was, like Benny knew who Dean really wanted.  All their friends at one time suggested Dean date Benny, even Sam.  All except Castiel, as it was ‘none of my business who Dean dates’.

Sometimes, Dean imagined it.  Dating Benny.  Living with Benny.  It would be easy, comfortable, and they’d have fun.  But it would feel like something was missing.  Benny was asking about what they thought of dinner, which led to Castiel giving a (lengthy) thoughtful, considerate answer.  Like he was writing a thesis or something, all serious, and describing the balance of the palate and shit that Dean definitely hadn’t been thinking about when he was stuffing his face.  So, he took a big bite of the pie.  He thought it was cherry, but it was so much more.  Whatever was inside was so delicious, retaining that syrupy, tart flavor of cherries while punctuating another kind of sweetness, with the even, flaky crust challenging the filling all on its own.  Dean couldn’t help the moan around the fork.

“That good, huh,” Benny gave him a glittering smirk.

“Mm hmm.”

Benny used his index finger to scoop up some of the filling that oozed out, sucked the dollop into his mouth.  Dean followed it with his eyes.  “I do enjoy watching you enjoy my food, Dean.”

“If you keep giving me pie like this, I’ll marry you.”

“That easy, huh.”

“That easy,” Dean smiled.  Then yelped.  Because Claire kicked his ankle with her goth-girl boot and that fucking hurt.

“Sorry, my foot slipped,” Claire explained, shrugging.  Benny chuckled while Dean nursed his poor ankle, then consoled himself with the rest of his dessert.

Castiel haggled with Benny about paying for dinner, while Dean gladly accepted the leftover pies (they weren’t on the menu, so they’d go to waste anyway).  Claire looked oddly pissed off about something (did she want more pie?) with her arms crossed, giving Dean that stare.  As Benny shooed them out, Dean discreetly dropped some cash on the table.  On their way to the exit, Dean ran into a student of his, Patience, and greeted her aunt who looked at him like he had pie filling smeared over his face.  Never one to be fazed by an unapproving parent or guardian, Dean praised Patience (she was a really good student) for a minute before making an exit.

Chapter Text

The summer back in Kansas felt small and suffocating after two semesters in San Diego plus all the traveling he got to do with his team. 

There was no room for Dean in the trailer anymore, and Sam had shot up seven inches that it was impossible to share the bed anymore.  Bobby put Dean up in his family room pull-out for the summer.  Dean had a job and hung out with friends from high school.  The entire summer, Dean was bored out of his mind and kept thinking about Cas.  Castiel, with his interesting topics of discussions and the opinions he’d pull out of Dean.  He would always have this grin on his face when Dean got over his inferiority complex and joined in.  He was able to say some compelling things about the environment or politics or the economy, topics which were taboo in the Winchester household.  He’d come to think of himself as more than a midwestern boy whose only interest was baseball.  He felt like a real college student by the end of the second semester, and he missed it over the summer.  Bobby and Rufus sure were impressed.  Dad wasn’t and often turned his attention on Sam who still played by John Winchester’s rules.  But his younger brother’s eyes were full of glittering admiration for Dean, and he thought he owed it all to Castiel.

The new dormitory room was much of the same thing but had bunkbeds.  Desks were arranged to the sides with a dresser between them.  The showers in this dorm were community and down the hall, and Dean voiced that he won’t miss waiting for the showers to open up in their previous suite.  Dean bravely gave Castiel a hug when he arrived in the afternoon.  He received a pat on the back.  Dean thought that they’d go right back into their usual routine, studying together, going to the cafeteria, with Castiel at his classes or his study group when Dean had his baseball practice.  But Castiel felt withdrawn, and he looked exhausted.  Dean didn’t question it, as Castiel had emailed him about the awesome summer he was having, volunteering with a state senator’s reelection campaign.  He supposed Castiel was studying too hard.  Castiel didn’t talk about much the entire fall semester.

Near the winter break, while studying for the finals, Dean broke and finally said, “Hey, Cas, so, I just wanted to let you know that… It’s cool if you want to change rooms or whatever.  Next semester.”

Castiel’s head shot up so fast from his study materials that Dean worried for him.  “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve been… I don’t know.  I…. Forget it.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s nothing.  Over imagination.”

“Don’t bring up the rooming situation and then tell me to just forget it.  I thought… I like rooming with you.  I do.”

“I just meant… I know this year is harder than the last one for you.  I’m feeling it, too.  I just… We used to hang out more last year and talk about stuff.  You… You’re my best friend and I… It feels like there’s something you’re not telling me.  That you’re hiding from me.”

Castiel swiveled in his chair to face Dean entirely.  Then he dragged his chair closer to sit close enough that their knees almost touched.  Dean, not for the first time felt flushed at this attention.  This closeness.  They used to be in each other’s spaces all the time, but Castiel had been very respectful of Dean’s space this year.  This close, Castiel’s eyes were arresting.  Dean felt parched and his eyes fell to Castiel’s mouth, as he licked his lips as if to find the right words to say. 

For a second, Dean hoped that Castiel would tell him that he was avoiding him because of the attraction he felt towards Dean.  Dean had never wanted to get with a guy before but with Castiel, it seemed doable.  Hell, it didn’t feel temporary.  Not like a hook-up that Dean might get if he had time to go out partying like the frat boys did every weekend.  Not like the nervous one-time-only dates Dean used to have in high school where he spent the whole movie making out with his date.  And perhaps, that was the first time that he realized that he had a crush on Cas.  A Crush.  Something close to love even.  So, it turned Dean’s world upside down what Castiel told him.

“I met someone.”

“Oh?” Dumbfounded, Dean felt flushed all over.  “Is that what you were hiding from me?”

“Not exactly.  We’re not… She and I are not a couple.”

Castiel’s eyes were sad.  And Dean couldn’t blame him.  He probably fell in love with this person and maybe he got dumped and he spent the whole semester nursing his broken heart.

“Sorry it didn’t work out,” Dean said, patting Castiel’s hand.

“It’s not what you think, Dean.”

“I’m not judging, man.”

“I met her at the campaign.  She works for the senator.  She’s called Amelia.”

Dean didn’t interrupt Castiel’s story.

“She’s older and kind.  Taught me a lot of stuff.  And one night, we were working late in her apartment and it just… Escalated.”

Dean kept holding Castiel’s hand.  He couldn’t let go.

“She was on a break with her boyfriend.  I’d even met him a few times.  And I felt awful after.  I think she felt like she used me and didn’t want anything else.  Like maybe she wanted to get it all of out of her system before she committed to a serious relationship.  We kept things professional after that.  And I… I didn’t… I wanted…”

Castiel gripped his hand, the other cupping the back of Dean’s hand.

“It’s okay, man.”

“The day we were moving in, I got a call from her.  She told me… She said that she was pregnant.  She was absolutely sure it was mine.”

“Oh shit,” Dean gasped out.

“She wanted to keep it.  She even worked it out with her… fiancé, now, and they’ll parent together.  She doesn’t want to keep the baby from me if I want to be a part of their life, but she doesn’t want to coparent with a kid like me, she said.”

“Sorry.  I mean, do you want to be a dad?  Have a family?”

“Eventually.  Probably.  I’ve never once thought about it.”

Dean beckoned Castiel closer to give him a proper hug.  “It’s not the end of the world, having a kid, you know.”

“I’m barely nineteen.”

“My mom was nineteen when she had me.”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you.  I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?”

Castiel shrugged inside Dean’s embrace.

“Sorry you felt like you had to hide this from me,” Dean said.  “And I could never hate you.  Never.”

“You won’t change rooms, right?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah.  I mean, no.  I’ll stay here.” Dean let Castiel go.  They had finals to study for.  Just as they settled into their desks, Dean asked, “Is that what you were so sad about, for months?”

Castiel was quiet for a long time, hands still and eyes focused over his book but not reading anything.  Then he answered, “Not about the baby, no.  I was… I realized that the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.”

The way he said it had Dean staring at him for a long time, but Castiel didn’t elaborate any further.  Dean stayed up all night replaying Castiel’s words in his head.  And he, too, recognized he could never have the one thing he wanted, so he’d never speak about it.

Chapter Text

@ChooChooSurely: (Friday, 11/22/2024, 11:58PM)  I made it, guys!  New chapter of Bizarre Happenings of Kansas is now up!  It’s still Friday, right?

@xXx_CoCoNo_xXx: (Friday, 11/22/2024, 11:59PM) Reply to: @ChooChooSurely  OMG! I can’t wait! I’ve been dying for a new chapter!

@TKein: (Saturday, 11/23/2024, 12:06AM)  I’ve got my SATs tomorrow.  Fuck.  I’m going to read it as soon as I get back.

@TTTPatience55: (Saturday, 11/23/2024, 12:09AM) I feel your pain @TKein. I do too.  I’ll check out the new chapter tomorrow, thanks for posting @ChooChooSurely!

Dean hated proctoring tests.  He absolutely detested the SATs.  If he had a choice, he would spend his precious Saturday at home, lounging on the sofa all day in his underwear.  He shirked the responsibility of being picked as a proctor to student testing all last year as he was earning a second teaching certificate, and volunteered at an inner-city youth center every weekend.  He still volunteered once a month at the same center and liked to think he made some difference, like how he consoled himself every night that he was making a difference in the lives of his regular students.  But it was way too early on a Saturday morning to communicate optimism (unlike Ms. Milton across the hall who was unsettlingly cheery, enough to make Dean think she’s on something medicinal).  Thankfully, most of the students seemed to be in the same shoes as Dean, or too nervous to care about his presence to start small talk. 

All he needed to do was keep his eyes on the clock, call time, and make sure the kids weren’t cheating somehow.  It was easy work, a bit boring, and he got paid for overtime which was a plus.  He was allowed to have his laptop, so as soon as the first part started and his timer was set, he browsed the internet.  He wanted to catch up on some emails, but the typing would distract the kids, so he reopened the site he’d been looking at for the past week or so: Zillow. 

Rental prices were soaring, and his bank account hated it so much.  But he wasn’t paying for much these days.  His debts were all paid up, and Sam had put his foot down on Dean sending him allowances.  The apartment that he and Castiel were renting was rundown, barely a startup apartment.  Now in their thirties and financially more comfortable than when they’d moved in, Dean felt it was too small for the two of them.  It was close to work but even Castiel hated their landlord.  Dean had thought it was time to move on three years ago, but Castiel wanted to renew as he hated moving.  Dean thought the new renewal rent hike was ridiculous, so he’d been checking out nicer places.

Castiel was a smart dude, probably the smartest guy he knew after Charlie and maybe Sam, but he was just bad at this kind of stuff.  The practical stuff, like rent and grocery prices.  Like fighting for Claire kind of thing, if Dean letting his mind head that way.  Dean finally sat down and reminded Castiel that their lease was up at the end of the month and the guy said with that patented Confused Cas face like Dean just told him the apocalypse was happening.  He asked all breathless, ‘Dean, what are we going to do?’  And Dean patted him on the shoulder and told him, ‘We’ve got month-to-month option for another six months, buddy.’ 

Castiel looked at him like he just saved the world and at moments like that, all the years of repressed feelings welled up inside Dean. 

Well, Castiel still hated the prospect of packing and moving and unpacking.  And Dean wondered not for the first time if in their mid-thirties, that Castiel wanted to find his own place.  Somewhere more… Cas.  Like a ‘Cottage Core’ type of place in the middle of the woods where he can forage his own mushrooms and nerd out about leaves or whatever.  That thought made Dean chuckle. 

“Fifteen minutes!” Dean called out, making a few kids groan.  There was that Kevin Tran kid, an overachiever if Dean ever saw one, all puffy eyed and energy-drink thrumming in his system, clenching his hair as he frantically filled in the bubbles of his answer packet.  He hadn’t noticed Patience earlier, but she was calm, already checking over the answers.  Another kid, Chuck something, was a smart but underachieving kid, who was the bane of Castiel’s existence.  He was sitting by the window in the back row, scribbling on the worksheet and Dean just took a guess that he random-filled all the answers.  After all these years, Dean just didn’t understand these kids.  Hell, he didn’t really understand Sam, but he could always alcohol-fill him to get an answer out of him.

“Ten minutes, guys,” Dean gave them another time call.  Dean opined that standardized testing was no big deal.  That it wasn’t a real measurement of the ability to succeed.  Castiel argued that it set a norm for all students.  An equal set of measurement.  Dean counter-argued that not all kids had equal opportunity in the real world.  Castiel gave him this big grin, like he was proud of Dean.  And it never failed to falter Dean.  ‘How would you solve that problem, Dean?’  He didn’t have an answer.  It wasn’t his responsibility, after all, to save the world.  He had enough of his own problems that needed dealing.

Dean glanced at his phone.  No texts, nada.  He signed up last minute to proctor because Castiel, as much as he would have loved to work on a Saturday, had to accompany Claire on her day-long gymnastics thing with her doting parents because she ‘really needed her real dad’ with her.  Castiel begged Dean with his big blue eyes to take his place.  Pretty please with a big cherry pie on top.  Dean had said he’d do because he never could tell Castiel, ‘No’.

“Five minutes,” Dean emphasized the call by slapping his hand over the desk.  It was going to be a long day.  He tapped on the Zillow tab, hoping the refresh option would magically show him the best listing ever for an apartment that not even Castiel could refuse.  No such thing happened.

--- 

@DarkKaia666: (Saturday, 11/23/2024, 12:07PM) Mr N sighting at the state gymnastics championships! Also, have you guys read the new chapter of BHK?! It’s awesome!

@xXx_CoCoNo_xXx: (Saturday, 11/23/2024, 12:33PM) Reply to: @DarkKaia666  I have a question would it be weird if I DM you?

@DarkKaia666: (Saturday, 11/23/2024, 12:38PM) Reply to: @xXx_CoCoNo_xXx  Go for it!

Other parents have made signs, holding them up as they cheered on their kid.  Castiel should have made a sign.  Instead, he ended up sitting next to Amelia because Jimmy liked to make small talk (not that his wife between them stopped him).  At least he was attentive during Claire’s group.  Amelia had the schedule in a spreadsheet which Castiel saved to his phone.  It was for optimal view, in this huge place of all the different routines.  The ones that required running were set up in the other gym, so they had to cross the lawn to get there.  Castiel felt better when he saw other parents do the same.  It was chilly for a late November, even out in California, and Castiel hoped his daughter had a warm coat.

The thing was, Castiel would have loved to have been a real father to Claire, because he loved her.  It was the simplest thing to love her and adore her.  And she seemed to like him, too.  She never said ‘I love you, dad’ like he’d overheard her say to her mom and the dad who raised her.  She was certainly curious about him.  And in some ways, Castiel was glad that they met later because, like Amelia told him, he had been too young to be a father.  He felt too young to have a teenaged daughter now, but he felt like he could be a friend to her.  Claire called him ‘dad’ even though he’d expressed that she could call him Castiel or ‘Cas’.  She didn’t, but he wanted her to feel comfortable with him.  He liked how she called Dean by his name.  (It was mostly with annoyance, these days, but Dean riled her up, too.)

‘Dean’.  Castiel thought of Charlie’s tone with Dean.  And even though the thought of it irritated him, the way Benny called Dean.  (Every time Benny and Dean get into one of their intimate conversations, all saccharine and flirty, Castiel wanted to break something or worse, grab Dean by his stupidly handsome face and kiss him.). Castiel liked to think the way he spoke to Dean was different from all the rest.  Even Sam.  Like a different kind of love was imbued in that short word.  Dean.

“We’re going to meet Claire and have lunch.  She has an hour break,” Jimmy explained to him, breaking him out of his reverie.

“Oh, right.  Great.”

“Something light.  We don’t want her to get sick before her next routine, right?” Jimmy chuckled and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.

Jimmy was such a nice guy.  Although they’ve never met, if they did, Dean would hate him on principal but then would become his best buddy.  They’d watch a baseball game maybe.  Something that Castiel avoided like the plague because established sports was annoying.  They’d share a six-pack of that cheap lager that Dean liked and talk about the statistics or possible trades or something.  Castiel didn’t like beer.  He enjoyed a crisp ale in the summer sometimes, but he was more of a wine kind of guy.  Dean also liked his ambers.  Castiel preferred mixed gin.  They fought about pizza toppings for longer than necessary before ordering two pizzas.  Jimmy might like that atrocious meat lover’s pizza Dean ordered every single time.  Dean liked what he called ‘classic’ rock.  Castiel liked classical music, but these days, he was listening to the artists that Claire enjoyed.  She was really into nineties’ music (and secretly Taylor Swift but Castiel promised not to tell), stuff that Castiel maybe heard on the radio growing up.  Jimmy wore a Pink Floyd shirt once when Castiel went to drop Claire off.  He might be able to have long discussions with Dean about music.

Castiel wished he and Dean had more things and interests in common, that over the years they’d been roommates they’d grown to tolerate each other’s preferences on things more.  But Dean was still Dean and Castiel was just Castiel.  Castiel just knew that he wouldn’t change anything about Dean, though.  Not a single thing.

They found Claire huddling with the other girls on her team.  Thankfully, she was wearing a thick coat.  She gave her mom and dad hugs, then Castiel.  He felt like the fourth wheel that didn’t belong with the rest, making things wonky and wobbly.  They made their way to the cafeteria among the throngs of people (at the least, they’d staggered the breaks for the groups).  Jimmy insisted on paying.  Castiel wouldn’t have it and rather than making a scene, Jimmy held up both hands and split the cost of lunch.

“Dad, where’s Dean?” Claire asked between slurping some chicken soup.

“He had to volunteer as proctor for the SATs.”

“Darn.  I want him to come next time, too.”

“I will ask,” Castiel said dutifully.

The food tasted awful, worse than the stuff they fed at their own school.  But the grilled cheese and tomato soup were warm and Castiel’s second favorite thing to eat.  Amelia was listing things about her routines that Claire must have heard already from her coach.  Jimmy nodded along and Castiel only half listened.

“Oh my gosh, that’s Kaia!  She won gold on the clubs routine last year.  She was so awesome!” Claire seemed excited.  Castiel turned around to see who his daughter was gawking at, and much to his surprise, it was one of his students.

“I know her.  Kaia’s one of my students,” Castiel said.  Claire’s face turned bright pink.  “I’m going to say hello.  Would you like to go with me, Claire?”

“Yeah, dad!”

With an energy-buzzing daughter at his side, Castiel made his way to the group of girls.  They were sitting with whom looked like their coach, no parents and guardians.  Before Castiel felt like a creep, Kaia lifted her eyes from her phone.

“Mr. Novak!”

“Hello, Kaia.”

“What are you doing here?”

“My daughter is competing in the championship, so I came to cheer her on.  I saw you so I thought I’d come over to say hi,” Castiel said.  He introduced Claire to Kaia, and in turn, she introduced his daughter to the team.  Claire talked about her best discipline (the uneven bars) and her worst (the vault).  She shyly admitted that she really liked Kaia’s routine, even though she didn’t compete in rhythmic gymnastics herself.  Kaia and another girl on her team complimented Claire on her vault because they got to watch that in between their groups.  Too soon, it was time for Claire to go and get ready, so Castiel bid his student good luck on the rest of her afternoon.

Claire only had one event for the rest of the afternoon, but Castiel dutifully stayed to watch her sitting at the benches cheering on her teammates.  He did, however, pass texts back and forth with Dean.  After the SATs were over, Dean had gone to the grocery store.  He’d asked if Castiel wanted anything, needed something, how many toilet paper rolls were left, and if he ever thought about switching to pods from the filter machine they’d been sharing since their senior year of college.  It was a good machine, bought from a yard sale, but for the past few months, it’d been on the fritz even after Dean tinkered with it.  Castiel didn’t have an opinion on coffee, and he wasn’t sure about pods.  He didn’t want to keep spending money buying coffee every morning either.  By the time Dean texted again, home with groceries, showered and late lunch eaten, Castiel had made up his mind.  He asked if Dean would want to try a yard sale or maybe the used goods stores to find a new coffeemaker.

Dean answered, ‘I’ve got some apartments that I wanted to check out tomorrow.’

Right.  Their lease was up, and Dean was set on moving.  It wasn’t even that Castiel didn’t want to move.  Even he had to admit their apartment was decrepit, the staircase smelled of something unearthly, and their landlord was a creeper as well as greedy.  The thing Castiel didn’t want to admit was that he wanted to continue living with Dean.  They’d been roommates all through college and after.  Dean was great to live with and his best friend.  They never had a fight, they’d disagree here and there but nothing serious, and they made up for what each other lacked.  Castiel had pushed away any and all feelings he’d felt for Dean a long time ago.  Pushed them so far deep inside himself that they’d become a part of his whole being.  He felt them still, in every cell, in every moment he spent with Dean.  He’d just perfected pretending to be just a friend because it was easier than admitting the truth.

Because Dean deserved so much more. 

Because how could some history nerd who’d accidentally fathered a child at nineteen with a woman who did not want him, tell this perfect, beautiful, terrifyingly loveable man that he wanted more than a friendship.  Dean, with all his beauty, seemed like a god walking among mortals.  Like he was destined to be worshipped and loved.  Sometimes, when Castiel allowed himself to be, he would watch Dean and become breathless.  Even now, after spending years together, just as friends, Dean stole away his attention and the steady pace of his heart with just a look.  A smile.  He always wanted Dean.  He didn’t think he’d ever stop.  Somewhere along the way, he’d resigned to ever finding someone who could replace Dean, because there wasn’t.

Castiel answered, ‘Great. Let me know how that goes?’

“Castiel, Claire’s next event is starting.  Let’s move on to those bleachers,” Jimmy tapped his elbow, pointing towards the other side of the stadium.

Maybe, it was time to move on. 

Chapter Text

In the summer between the second and third year of college, Dean stayed in California rather than returning to Kansas. 

Castiel’s older brother Gabriel lived just outside of Crescent City in North California and ran a successful business of bed and breakfast homes, with a boat charter side business.  Castiel and Dean worked there for the summer.  Sam, after brooding, was allowed to spend his vacation with Dean once school let out.  The three of them had to share a room, the crappiest one out of the biggest house Gabe owned (the others were more cabins than B&B’s), but they had a blast.  Sam was put to cleaning and laundry (he did it without any complaints) and helped with groundskeeping.  Dean helped cook the meals once Gabe decided that he cooked well enough and could stretch out the ingredients.  Castiel was put in charge of the whole place as well as the charter (just the booking, they had a real sea captain who operated the boat) while Gabe took a much-needed vacation for four weeks.  It was easy work, and there were other staff around the place who knew what they were doing.  At nights, they would play video games or chill out.  The weekends were busy, but Dean got to drive Sam out to the beach a few times on their off days (every Thursday).

One night, on a particularly hot and humid day that extended well into the evening, Dean moved into Castiel’s bed (there were two full-sized ones in their room) after taking another boney elbow to his side from his not-so-little younger brother.  Castiel was reading under the low lamp light and smiled at Dean when he dragged his pillow over, turning the sheets down.  The bed was admittedly too small to be comfortable for two grown men, both over six-feet tall.  The posts creaked when Dean shifted around to get comfortable.  Their legs brushed against each other, bare below the hems of their shorts.  Castiel turned the lamp off and settled down for sleep, hands folded behind his head.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean whispered.  Out here, without a light on, was so dark when the sun disappeared.  But the sky was so clear and large, full of stars, enough to make him dizzy.  Dean couldn’t see Castiel’s face.  Just the shadowy shape of him.

“Yes, Dean?”

Castiel turned his face towards him, though he couldn’t see any better in the darkness than Dean could.  Here, Dean could feel Castiel’s heat.  The smell of his skin.  The embedded musk in his week-old sleeping shirt.  Dean closed his eyes, breathing it all in.  Sammy snored on, unaware of his older brother’s dilemma.  Because Dean had been working up the courage all summer to tell Castiel.  It was one of the major reasons why he chose to stay here rather than go back to Kansas.  Tell Cas that… That he liked him…

“Dean, I wanted to thank you,” Castiel whispered.  His voice was deeper and thicker late in the night, laced with exhaustion, too.

“For what?”

“For coming out here with me rather than spending time back at home.  You told me about your dad and everything, but there must be a lot of people that you’ll miss.”

“Nah.  I mean, I’m enjoying it here.  It’s awesome.”

“Well, in that case…” Castiel paused.  Dean unconsciously licked his lips.  “Thanks for being out here with me.  I would’ve been lonely.  And… I haven’t been a really good roommate this year, so I promise I’ll make it up to you next year.”

Rather than coming up with a cool line like ‘I know how you can make it up to me’ that he thought of in the next morning, Dean said lamely, “You’re an awesome roommate.”

Dean could hear Castiel’s smile.  Heart pounding inside his ribs, probably enough to vibrate against the mattress, Dean gulped thickly and thought, ‘I want to kiss him.  I want him to kiss me.’

It never happened.  Dean was a coward when it came to Castiel.  He never got to confess his feelings that summer.

Dean had to send Sam home after six weeks, and he had to go back to school to start training.  Castiel was spending a few more weeks with his brother, with a planned camping trip in one of the nearby parks which sounded like a blast.  Gabe was a cool guy, but his jokes were lame.  Ten years older than Castiel, he, like Dean with Sam, had taken care of Castiel at the absence of their parents.  He paid Dean a big bonus on top of the promised minimum hourly wage, giving him a wink and thanked him for being a good friend to his little brother.  Gabe said he would be welcome any time.

The drive back down to San Diego was long and lonely.  The three weeks he spent alone in the new dorm room was quiet and empty.  Dean was finding himself counting down the days until Castiel arrived on the bus.  And Dean was right there to pick him up from the station.  Castiel saw him through the crowds, messy bus hair and earbuds in, connected to a used iPod that Dean bought for him filled with his favorite music and some playlists.  He lit up.  He smiled so widely that Dean thought he was practically glowing.  Dean cut through the people and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.  Castiel dropped his bags to hug him back, his strong arms firm around his waist and back.  And Dean imagined himself pulling away just enough that they’d be face to face, looking into each other’s eyes with sincerity and desire, parting his mouth a little to hear Castiel gasp then crush his lips on his.  And it’d be so perfect. 

It would feel… It would feel like…

Instead, Dean pulled back, arm’s length away, giving his friend’s shoulder a squeeze.

“How was the trip, buddy?”

“Fine.  Long,” Castiel sighed.  “Hot.  Half the bus didn’t have air conditioning.”

“Oof.  Sorry.  Ready to go home?”

Realizing what he said, he felt his face turn pink.  But Castiel hoisted his bags up and said, “Yeah, let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

@TKein: (Tuesday, November 26, 2024, 6:45PM) Ran into mr N and W at the supermarket while shopping with the parental unit Yes they were shopping for the turkey day yes we spoke yes they all embarrassed me and yes they were def theyre together hashtag destiel is real

@xXx_CoCoNo_xXx: (Tuesday, November 26, 2024, 6:52PM) you’re grammar is atrocious @TKein

@AlexAnnie_J: (Tuesday, November 26, 2024, 7:17PM) I know @ChooChooSurely doesn’t take request but a side Thanksgiving or Christmas story would be so awesome – I’m really enjoying BHK and can’t wait for the last chapter of series 3!

@TKein: (Tuesday, November 26, 2024, 7:18PM) Reply to: @xXx_CoCoNo_xXx “your”

@xXx_CoCoNo_xXx: (Tuesday, November 26, 2024, 7:19PM) Reply to: @TKein “your” mother

Castiel followed all of Dean’s instructions well.  At least, Dean thought he did.

“Dean, how many more apples do I have to peel?” Castiel complained.

“All of them.”

Dean saved two that were bruised to put in with the turkey and dice into the stuffing.  The others were going to be baked into pies and the cabbage salad thing that Sam liked.  Anything left over, Dean could turn into apple sauce and even juice them.  The thing was, Castiel wanted to help with the Thanksgiving dinner preparations but all he could really do well was peeling.  It would be apples then the sack of potatoes.  And then the yams.  Maybe, just maybe, he’d let Cas chop some of the veggies.  Dean could peel potatoes in seconds.  Castiel made neat work but took forever to get them done.

Dean and Castiel were hosting Thanksgiving this year.  Sam was coming with his girlfriend and nervous about his brother meeting her.  Dean was letting them have his room for the long weekend, taking the sofa, until Castiel pulled his stuff into his room and reminded him, ‘We shared whenever we were at Gabe’s’ and Dean couldn’t say no to that.  Gabe was coming over for the dinner with his family.  Castiel had plans with them over the weekend, like Dean had with Sam.  Gabe was staying at a nice hotel downtown, and his kids were excited about the indoor pool.  And also meeting Claire for the first time.  Claire couldn’t come for Thanksgiving, of course, but she was spending the Saturday afternoon with her dad and meeting her uncle for the first time.  Castiel was excited and nervous for both his brother and daughter.  He brought it up about four times in the past hour, and though Dean consoled him each time, he was jealous.  Envious, that he really had no place within Castiel’s life and family.  That at the end of the day, he was just a roommate.

“Sam’s late, huh,” Castiel said conversationally.

“Uh,” Dean checked the clock on the microwave, which blinked zeroes at him.  “Probably just holiday traffic.”

Castiel hummed.  Dean checked his phone.  Jess had texted, as Sam was driving and he was safety conscious and all that, that they were about thirty minutes away.  That was twenty minutes ago.  Dean relayed the information to Castiel.  Dean spent ten minutes doing some last-minute spot checks.  As he was stuffing the last stray sock he found under his bed and the used towels into the laundry basket, the buzzer went off.  Dean answered and raced down the stairs to meet his brother.  Elevator was non-existent in the building, so he helped them carry their stuff in like a good host.  Back in their tiny apartment, Dean greeted his brother and his girlfriend properly, giving hugs and asking about the drive and everything else.  They migrated to the kitchen where Castiel was stirring the pot of pasta as it started to overflow.  Dean took over the kitchen duties to mitigate any disasters.  Castiel greeted Sam like he was his own brother and introduced himself to Jess.

“This is cozy,” Jess said, looking around their little kitchen that was crowded with four adults in it.  She smiled, “I didn’t mean it in any bad way.  My kitchen is smaller.  If I can even call it a kitchen.”

Sam gave a weak laugh.  Dean went with, “Yeah, it is cozy.  We make it work though.”

Then Castiel piped in with, “Dean’s great in the kitchen. I, myself, am helpless, so I guess it’s been better for me to stay out of this area than in.”

Dean pointed to Castiel with the stirring spoon like he made a great point.  Sam shook his head and Jess grinned up at Castiel.

“Let me show you to your room for the weekend,” Castiel offered, steering Jess out of the kitchen.  Dean didn’t mind, as he was multitasking on the food situation.

“Need any help?” Sam offered, scrubbing his hands at the sink.

“Most of this is prep for tomorrow,” Dean motioned with his hand.  He could hear Jess laughing at something Castiel said or did.  “Wash the potatoes and put them in that big Tupperware, would you?”

Sam did as Dean asked.  Dean finished up with the pasta that he’d been boiling for dinner tonight, as he didn’t want to order in, nor did he want to make anything extravagant.  He made buttered noodles with grated cheese.  Simple and easy, as he was going to be cooking all day tomorrow.  Dean pointed to the beers and wines, telling Sam to choose as he didn’t know what Jess preferred.  He even had a big salad ready to be mixed, just in case she didn’t like pasta.  Castiel came back out and started setting out bowls and utensils.  Sam headed in to change and use the bathroom. 

The kitchen table was barely big enough for four people, but tonight it held a thawing frozen turkey, box of assorted alcohol, the nice plates for their guests tomorrow and other nonperishables.  The tiny breakfast island that separated the kitchen to the rest of the living space was full of pie trays, waiting after pre-bake and to be turned into delicious pies.  When Jess and Sam came back in comfortable sweatpants and shirts, Dean let them serve themselves and pick their beverages.  Sam grabbed the entire bowl of salad (‘gross, dude’) while Jess filled her bowl with pasta and grabbed a lager (‘she’s a keeper, Sammy!’) and settled on the worn-down sofa, flicking through Netflix to play in the background.  Dean filled his and Castiel’s bowls, grating just a teaspoon of cheese in Cas’s (‘smells good as always, Dean’) while Castiel opened up one of the red wines and poured out into two stemless glasses.

“Since when do you drink wine, Dean?” Sam asked skeptically as he and Castiel sunk down on the floor on some cushions.

“I’m a classy guy,” Dean said.  He raised his glass to toast, clinking with Jess and Castiel and then Sammy’s water glass.  So, no, he wasn’t a wine guy.  He couldn’t tell the difference between a Cabernet to whatever else.  But Castiel liked wine.  He liked trying new kinds of wine.  And he said a bottle was too much for one person to drink.  Dean joined him whenever he brought something new.  He pretended to agree with Castiel’s comments about the notes and the lingering flavor and so on, but they all tasted the same.  Dean liked one of the white wines Castiel brought out sometimes.  He liked the smile on Castiel’s face whenever Dean gave a genuine opinion about a wine.

Despite the constant back and forth jabs between the Winchester brothers, dinner was fun.  Jess was taking a year-long break from school to get ready for medical school to become an occupational therapist.  Castiel and Sam were both history nerds and would get into debates about the oddest things if left alone for too long (Dean had warned Jess about that).  Dean complained about his job, even though he loved teaching.  Jess asked them how they ended up in Santa Barbara.

“I asked Dean to stay in California with me.  I knew he was thinking about going back to Lawrence when he graduated,” Castiel answered.

“I wasn’t thinking about it.  I wanted to stay in California.”

Castiel gave him a small smile.  He got up to grab Jess another lager and brought the wine bottle to refill their almost empty glasses.

“I think I hated San Diego though,” Dean said.  “It was so hot there.  I can’t believe I played four years of ball in freaking San Diego.”

“Most of your practices were held indoors,” Castiel teased.  Still, Dean flipped him off.  “I enjoyed our college years in San Diego.”

Dean didn’t verbally agree but he did as well.

“I… Uh… I got into the UCLA master’s program,” Castiel explained, answering Jess’s question.  “It was all online, but I needed to attend one session in person every Friday afternoon.  Living in Los Angeles was out of the question, so we started looking for work within reasonable driving distance.  Dean got his job first.”

“Middle school mathematics.”

“And coaching the boys’ baseball team,” Castiel added for him.  Dean shrugged.  “And no one wanted to hire a history teacher who needed every Friday off.  I got a part-time job as a courtroom clerk.”

“Our apartment, Jess, was half the size of this dump.  It was technically twenty minutes outside of LA, but on a good day’s traffic, one hour.  So, the first place we move into was this single tiny bedroom for Cas, and I had the living room.  Kitchen was a mini-fridge and a toaster.”

“Oh my god, that bathroom,” Sam commented and winced.

“I cleaned that bathroom every week, I kid you not, but the smell of mold would not go away.  We had to keep the window open all year long.  Remember that Cas?”

Dean turned to look at Castiel.  He was staring at Dean with this wistful sparkle in his eyes.  Like how he was remembering all the little things from their first apartment together that they were sharing financial responsibilities for.  Scraping together enough to pay for the rent and utilities.  Barely having enough money for groceries to the point neither of them felt any shame about collecting leftovers from work breakfasts or lunches.  But they had fun.  Instead of going out on weekends, they stayed in, drinking cheap beers and bad baked goods the ladies at work thrust at them each week.  Sometimes there were stale popcorn that Dean got to bring home after a baseball game.  They’d sit on Dean’s bed in the living room and binge watch whatever was on the television.  Dean smiled at Castiel with all the memories.  All of them were good.  They were both always tired, but it was good because they were together.  And if they woke up together in Dean’s bed on Sunday mornings, it wasn’t because Dean tried to keep Castiel there until he slumped against Dean in sleep or visa versa.  It was because it wouldn’t have been the same if it had been anyone else.

“I remember,” Castiel said.

Like how every time Dean woke up with Castiel’s arm wrapped around his middle, he’d wished he could scrounge up the courage to turn around and sweetly say, Sugar, I’ve been meaning to tell you… But he couldn’t.  He could not.  Because Castiel was more to him than just a kiss or an experiment.  He could not give it a go and hope to god that it didn’t blow up in his face.  He was more.  He was always more.

“So, you guys have been roommates since college?” Jess asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean shook himself out of his trip down memory lane.  “Since the first year.”

“Aww.  That’s so cute,” Jess squealed.  “I tried to keep in touch with my first college roommate, but we grew apart.”

“I hated mine,” Sam said, wincing.  “I was so glad that he quit in the middle of the year.”

“What’s your rule about dates?” Jess asked.  Dean frowned and Castiel tilted his head at her.  “You know, bringing your dates home or not bringing them over.”

Dean couldn’t remember the last date he’d had.  He’d been forced to go on dinner dates by Charlie and by some of his coworkers over the years, but it didn’t get far.  Castiel never brought anyone home, and he hadn’t been dating much since teenage Claire came into their lives.

“I’ve never brought anyone back here,” Dean admitted.  He let Jess think whatever she wanted with that.  Sam was looking at him with that sad face he made whenever Dean’s love life was brought up.

“I’ve not been on a date since… Claire’s mom.  And I don’t think that was a date either.”

“Wait, what?” Jess sat up, almost upending her bottle.  Dean had the same reaction on the inside.

“I’ve never wanted to date anyone.  And to admit that I’d become a father a nineteen was…  It wasn’t something I wanted to burden anyone with.”

“Oh, Cas…” Jess said like she wanted to hug and squeeze him.

“But I was never lonely or anything like that.  I’ve always had Dean and I…” Castiel didn’t finish.  Whatever Jess was going to say was stopped by Sam nudging at her.  Castiel quickly excused himself and shut himself in his bedroom.

Dean sat awkwardly with his brother and his girlfriend for as long as he could, hoping that Castiel would return.  Dean gave Jess a small smile, shaking his head when she started to say something like an apology.  He put on his famous Dean Winchester smile and asked, “Hey, do you want to help me make the pies?”

Chapter Text

@ChooChooShurley: (Friday, November 29, 2024, 2:01PM) Happy Thanksgiving too all! Don’t worry, I still plan to make my weekly update on Bizarre Happenings of Kansas.  And as a Thanksgiving treat, one bonus update tonight!  Stay tuned!

“Dean, can you make us some coffee?” Charlie asked then yawned wide enough that Dean heard her jaw pop.  Wincing, he got up to do just that.

Thanksgiving dinner yesterday wasn’t the disaster that he thought it was going to be.  Sam and Jess were helpful.  They didn’t even comment on the foldout table Dean pulled from the hallway closet.  There were some foldable chairs that he’d borrowed from the school (everyone did that occasionally, so no one judged as long as they were returned on time).  Gabriel and his family were cordial and complimented Dean’s cooking and the work he put in.  The only thing was that Castiel was quiet, even more so than usual, and not even Gabe could get him to say more than a few sentences during the dinner.  Castiel thanked Dean for everything he did to create a wonderful evening.  Dean coaxed out a small smile from him when he brought out the pies, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Dean spent the night on the sofa again.  It was still too early in the morning when Castiel shook his shoulder to wake him up, pulled him up by both hands and into his bedroom.  Dean fell asleep in Castiel’s still-warm bed, but when he woke up mid-day, he was alone.  Sam told Dean that Castiel left in the morning to spend the day with his family, so Dean tried to not be so pessimistic about the whole thing.  He puttered around, mostly cleaning up the place and eating leftovers, annoying Sam and Jess until they went out for a walk in the afternoon.  It wasn’t until he was thinking about dinner that he remembered that he was hosting game night.  Charlie texted him to ask if she needed to bring anything.

His small group of friends, Charlie, Benny, Aaron, Castiel and he, usually held game night on Tuesdays, once a month.  Charlie sometimes brought her girlfriend to even out the numbers, but Benny and Aaron usually came alone even if they were seeing someone.  This month had been so busy that they’d agreed to do game night after Thanksgiving.  Benny always closed his restaurant on the big holidays for the week to give his staff some time off, so he was free.  Dean texted the group that Sam and Jess were going to join them, whether they wanted to or not.  Then he sent a text to Castiel to check if he would be able to make it.

He didn’t receive an answer even as their friends were arriving.  Sam already knew everyone, and Jess was happy to meet their friends.  Benny brought homemade dips and chips, which Dean would be hogging normally, but he was feeling slightly off.  He knew what it was; it was because of Castiel.

‘I’ve always had Dean and I….’ Dean still didn’t know what Castiel meant to say.  Dean had stayed up, jolting awake at the thought of Castiel finishing the sentence.  ‘I’ve always had Dean around, so I had not enough privacy to bring a date over.’  The thought of his presence had been cockblocking his roommate and best friend made him cringe.  He’d told himself over and over again that if Castiel found someone, he’d be supportive and happy for him.  Even though he was already jealous of Castiel’s future partner, even though his chest hurt, he would never want to see Castiel unhappy.  They should have had this talk a long time ago.  He needed to be less clingy and let Castiel go and do whatever made him happy.  But his finger tapped on his phone screen to check if he texted back.

“The coffee machine’s still broken,” Dean explained from the kitchen.  But Charlie was immersed in a conversation with Jess and didn’t answer him.  Dean took his frustrations out on the coffee machine and continued banging about in the kitchen.  He put a kettle on to boil, leaning against the counter as he stared at the phone.  He knew Castiel had read his text because it said so, but he hadn’t answered him.  It was fine that he wanted to spend time with his family, but he could’ve let him know where he was at least.  He pulled out the leftover pies that he had been saving for himself and Castiel (they liked to have the last slices on the Sunday evening while watching a movie) and stuck them into the microwave.  He was seething at his own stupidity and his stupid crush on a man who didn’t like him back, and at the fact that Castiel was ignoring him.

“Need help?” Benny came into the kitchen.

“Nope,” Dean said, setting his phone down on the counter.  The kettle had been hissing steam for the last few minutes.

Benny smiled at him with a pat on his shoulder.  He prepared the coffee in the filter, holding the plastic holder over the carafe that were meant to fit in the machine, slowly pouring the boiling water into it.  Meant to fit.  Now broken.

“I’m sure he’s just having fun with his brother,” Benny spoke in a low voice.

“He can still answer my damn text,” Dean huffed.

“He’s just your roommate.  He doesn’t owe you an explanation for anything else that doesn’t got to do with the apartment, no?” Benny said.

“Just my—” Dean stopped himself.  Because Benny was right.  Castiel didn’t owe him anything. 

The microwave beeped, so Dean punched it open.  He wasn’t going to be sentimental.  He was going to move on.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Benny asked.  He got clean mugs out of the cabinet and poured out the coffees.

“Because!” Dean grabbed a fork and the too hot plate of pies and stormed away.  He was seated, slapping Charlie’s hand away when she tried to steal a bite, when Benny returned with the mugs.

“Because what?” And he just wouldn’t drop it, his arms crossed over his chest as everyone else looked at him then Dean.

“Because…” Dean stuffed a big bite of the apple pie, almost burning his tongue off in the process of avoidance.

Benny just stared at him with this grin he wore on poker nights when he knew had the winning hand.  The worst poker face, out of all of them.

“What, uh, are you guys… Okay?” Sam stuttered out after many not-so-subtle nudges and kicks under the table.  Dean sighed.  Because… If he told Castiel how he felt, how much he meant to him, he’d lose him.  And it would be like this for the rest of his life.  Cas-less.

“I’m just tired of seeing him never making a move on Cas,” Benny said.  And everyone else groaned.  “We’ve all left it alone for as long as we’ve known you both.  Hell, I thought you two were a couple for like two years until I figured out that you weren’t.  But you’re not being fair to Cas.  You’re not being fair to yourself.”

Dean stared at Benny.  He ignored Aaron and Sam’s stupefied faces, Jess’ small gasp, and Charlie slow clapping Benny.

“Fuck, Ben… You… You can’t just…” Dean pushed his plate away.

“We’re all rooting for you and Cas, you know that, right, Dean?” Sam chimed in.

“Cas doesn’t… He…”

“That’s just an excuse you’ve been telling yourself all this time,” Charlie handed him a cold beer from the cooler.  “But you have to know that Cas likes you, too.”

“He has to like me.  He’s my best friend…” Dean tried weakly.

“If you’re not going to tell him, then you need to let him go, dude,” Aaron said.  “But I don’t think you’ll regret telling him how you feel even if it doesn’t work out.”

“I think it’ll work out,” Jess said.  Dean gave her a frown.  “And I agree with Aaron.  You won’t regret saying it.”

“Fine.  Fine.  I’ll tell him.” Dean said it just to get everyone off his back.  What did any of them know anyway?  He’d rather give up pie than give up Cas.

“Right,” Benny scoffed.  “I’m betting on Winchester chickening out.”

Benny plucked out a ten-dollar bill from his wallet, slapping it down on the table.

“I will not!” Dean protested.

“I call,” Charlie said with a wink, “That Dean chickens out every time Cas mesmerizes him with his dreamy eyes.”

“Guys—”

“I bet Dean and Cas get together by his birthday,” Sam set his crumpled bill on the pile.  The moose never carried around a wallet.  Still, Dean gave his brother a small smile for his support.

Aaron tossed in his money.  “Next year.”

“Well,” Jess set down a crisp bill, “I call Castiel confessing to Dean.  Soon.”

“What the hell?  You, too!”

Dean felt betrayed and flustered.  He just hadn’t known that his friends all felt this way.  Decided that he was a coward.

After that though, they started up the game again.  Dean lost all his chips in the first five rounds or so, but he didn’t care since there was no real money involved.  The night went on without his friends bringing up his thing with Castiel.  Dean only remembered his phone that was left on the kitchen counter just as everyone was packing up to leave.  He checked his phone when Sam and Jess bade him goodnight and closed the door to their bedroom. 

There was no message from Castiel. 

Dean cleaned up the best he could and changed for sleep.  It was when he was setting down a pillow and blanket on the sofa that he realized that there was this wet spot on one of the cushions.  It didn’t smell like beer, just water or maybe some of the ice had spilled while they were cleaning up.  He groaned, setting the cushion up near the furnace to dry and resigned himself to sleeping in Castiel’s room.

He had settled in when he heard the front door open.  Dean reached for the lamp to turn it off so he could pretend to be asleep to avoid confronting Castiel.  The last thing he wanted was to get into an argument.  Not when he was feeling so off from all the things his friends have said.  But before he could, Castiel came into the room.

“Sorry, Dean,” Castiel blurted out.

There was so much he wanted to say, but he decided to play it cool.  Like a roommate might.  “Nothing to be sorry about.”

“My phone— It…. The screen is stuck, and I couldn’t type into it,” Castiel explained, pulling it out and showing Dean.  His text message was open and Castiel demonstrated how he couldn’t type or close it.  “The kids wanted to see this movie, and I couldn’t say no.  I really did want to be here tonight.”

“That’s fine.  Um…. Everyone missed you.  I’ll let them know tomorrow.”

Castiel sighed, clutching his phone in his hand.  “Gabe and Rowena were having a date night and left me with the kids.  They don’t have phone so I couldn’t borrow one to call you.”

“Oh.  Yeah… I guess.  Stuff happens.  I told you, you should’ve gotten an upgrade on that old phone of yours,” Dean said.  He was slightly relieved and yet, what Benny said to him had really struck a nerve.  They were just roommates.  Just friends.  They weren’t a couple.  Friends didn’t need to explain to each other so much.  The phone thing would’ve been enough.  “Anyway, uh… Someone spilled water on one of the cushions so… that’s why I’m here.”

“No, this is fine.  I’m just going to get ready for sleep,” Castiel shucked his coat off to throw over his chair, keys and wallet and the broken phone on his small desk.  He grabbed his sleep clothes and headed to the bathroom.  “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night,” Dean murmured, feigning sleep and turned the light off.  He pretended to be asleep, but he was wide awake when Castiel returned.  The mattress dipped as Castiel settled in.  If he wanted to prove everyone wrong, he could just turn around to face Castiel and tell him how he felt.  But his friends knew him too well.  Even Jess, who he’d just met, had him pegged as a coward.

It wasn’t just that though.  He couldn’t lose this.  He didn’t want to lose this.  This friendship.  This level of comfort.  This shared life they made.  This routine.  And Benny was wrong.  He wouldn’t feel relieved if he told Cas.  He’d lose the one constant good in his life.  The one secure thing in his life.

Dean decided that he would tell Castiel that he wanted to keep living with him, and if Castiel told him no, then at least they could still be friends.  At least, he would get to keep Castiel in his life somehow.

Chapter Text

@ChooChooSurely: (Tuesday, December 3, 2024, 5:27PM) I just came in to post Dec update.  I am tho going to take a short break (see announcements) and will be back with a new series!  New characters!  And more!  Stay tuned!

Dean was finishing up gathering the pile of homework and other things that accumulated on his desk when he heard knocks on his door.  He looked up to find that Chuck kid standing there.

“Hey, dude, come on in.  What can I do for you?”

Kids stopped by sometime to ask about various things.  Teenage things.  Dean tried to be sympathetic and listened for what they were not saying, just in case.  Chuck though…. He’d been in Dean’s class two years ago.  Dean was fairly sure that this kid was in the graduating class.  Perhaps he needed some guidance or college recommendations.

“Mr. Winchester, first of all, I wanted to thank you,” Chuck started.

“You’re… welcome?”

Chuck paced from one end of Dean’s desk to the other.  That was irritating and Dean needed the kid to stop.

“I’m dropping out of school, thanks to you.”

Dean frowned.  “Uh, hey, dude.  You’ve got like one semester left to go.  I’m not saying you’ve gotta go to college, but you need a high school diploma at least for any kind of job.”

“That,” the kid chuckled.  “I appreciate that, Mr. Winchester.  Not even my parents gave me that kind of talk.  I… Can I tell you that you were my inspiration?”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose.  “If I ever gave you the impression that I wanted you to drop out of high school, I did not ever mean or say it.  I’m telling you now that you’re going to stay in school until graduation, even if I have to tie you down to a chair.”

“Kinky,” Chuck commented.  “Actually, not what I meant.  Let me, uh… Let me start from the beginning.  I wrote this short story for my English class two years ago, when you were my math teacher.  I should say that your story about your brother and Kansas inspired me to write this story.”

“Okay…?” Dean crossed his arms over his front, confused.

Check pulled out a rolled up, printed document and handed it to Dean.  Dean supposed it was a copy of that short story.

“My teacher and classmates liked it a lot.  I assure you that I didn’t use your name.  The way you described Kansas inspired me, I think.  The setting.  I posted it online and gained a lot of interest.  It became a hobby and something to look forward to.  Now, I have thousands of followers.”

“So, I inspired you to write stories?”

“Sort of.  If one of the main characters kind of looks like you, it wasn’t really intended.  Anyways, it’s not even about you.  It’s these two brothers, they hunt ghosts and demons and monsters.  It wasn’t meant to be like… Long and complicated.  But the more I wrote, more research I did, and it’s become this huge thing…”

“I…” Dean paused.  The kid was telling him that he was doing something that he enjoyed, that one of his teachers inspired him.  It was some online stories, and he didn’t have to tell Dean, not really.  But here he was.  “I’m happy for you, Chuck.  Seriously.  You want me to read it and give you a comment?”

“That’s… Um… No.  What I need is…  So,” Chuck fidgeted and rubbed his hands together.  “It is… It has become, this… Huge Thing. So big, and unbelievable and I feel like… Like I can’t believe it is happening to me.  So, um… It is, what is in your hand is…. It’s a release form.  Non-disclosure.  Document.  Legal…. Stuff.”

Dean was no longer amused.  “Woah.  Start over.  What did you just hand me?”

“Okay.  Start over.  A production company approached me, and they want to turn my stories into a TV show, like for real, and they are giving me money and stuff.  And I get to write and consult for the show.  They want me to write professionally!”

“Damn.” Dean was kind of impressed.  “Wow.  Congrats, dude, seriously.”

“Thank you.”

“So, what is this,” Dean shook the ragged packet.

“A release to use your image and likeness,” Chuck said.

“Pardon?”

“I had to tell them.  I told them that the older brother in the story was based on my math teacher.  They looked you up and want to like… Hire an actor who looks like you.  And… Use your names.”

“Absolutely not.”  Chuck looked up at him making a sad face.  Except that Dean had Sam and Castiel in his life and he was immune to little sad ‘help me’ faces. 

“Just your first names, then?”

“Name…s??  Like me and Sam??”

“No.  You and Mr. Novak.”

“What the fuck does Cas have to do with this?!” Dean’s hackles rose up at the mention of Castiel.

“Can I give you the URL to my stories and… If you read them, you might understand.”

“I won’t read them.”

“Release of your likeness and names will pay you a hundred grand each,” Chuck said.  “And for the non-disclosure.”

“A hundred grand…?”

“Each.” Chuck emphasized with a big grin on his face.

Chapter Text

@xXx_CoCoNo_xXx: (Sunday, December 8, 2024, 8:13PM)  Loved the latest update on BHK!  Don’t want to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t read it yet, but it’s not the end of BHK right?  With what happened wit Dan?  It can’t be the end!

“Do you have something you want to say to me?” Castiel blurted out to Dean in the middle of their Dr. Sexy MD marathon. 

Dean answered Castiel.  “No?”

Castiel scoffed.  “Ever since Thanksgiving, you’ve been, I don’t know.  Closed off.  I apologized a few times already about game night.  But you keep looking at me like you have something to say.”

“I… I don’t.”

Castiel sighed.  “Fine.”

Dean kept his eyes on the TV, but his attention was to Castiel, who had his work stuff spread out in front of him and grading papers.  Castiel read the papers thoroughly before marking them up.  He huffed at some, using his red pen to scribble all over the margins, and when he liked a paper, he wrote his thoughts on the back of them.  Dean had more than once reminded him that they were high school students, not college history majors.  They were never going to write perfect papers and that he shouldn’t give them too much of a hard time.  Castiel had been quiet for a few minutes, though, so Dean glanced at him.  He found Castiel staring right at him.

Neither of them averted their gaze.  Dean knew he’d be the first to break eye contact, because he always did, and ended up staring down at his thighs.

“What?” Dean asked, fiddling with the remote in his hand.

“I got a text from Claire earlier.”

“Okay…?”

“She was excited about this online fiction story that she’s been reading.  It’s this ghost hunting story.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

Castiel smiled with a hum.  He did that when he thought fondly about something or someone.  It was usually about Claire.

“It reminded me to ask you about how you’d feel if Claire slept over sometime?  Amelia said she can on some weekends again, but only when we have a bedroom for her.”

Dean looked back up at Castiel.  He didn’t mind that at all.  He was thrilled that Claire’s parents trusted Castiel.  That they wanted Castiel to have a relationship with his daughter.  But his mind was stuck at something else, too.  “We?”

“I… Yes.  We.”

“We, like, you and me.”

“Yes.”

“I thought—”

Before Dean could finish, Castiel stopped him.  “I know you’ve been looking for a place of your own, but I want to… I’m asking you, if you would like to keep living together.”

Dean opened his mouth to say that yes, he would love to.  He wanted that, too.  But his face was stuck at awe.  He watched Castiel toss the pile of paper on the coffee table.  He watched wordlessly as Castiel slid over closer to him on the sofa.  Castiel’s hand reached forward for his, then paused, and then touched his wrist briefly.

“It’s not fair to ask you to split the rent in half if we get an extra room for Claire, so I’ll cover that.  I… When Sam and Jess asked about the rules of bringing dates home and stuff, I realized that we never talked about it.  I’m okay if you want to bring someone back, but I do want to ask you not to when Claire’s staying over.  And I’ll try to do better with all the other stuff, too.  Groceries and paying bills on time.  You’ve been handling all these for us, and I feel like such an ass.  I feel like I’d been taking you and our friendship for granted.”

“You haven’t,” Dean managed to say.

“Let me finish.  I’ve been thinking about how to say everything.  To give you all the information before making your decision.”

“Okay…”

“I thought that there was no way I could have what I truly want.  I’d even given it up.  I don’t even know how to… How to make you happy.  You’ve spent so much of your life looking after me.  Sam.  I know you think you don’t deserve to have anything good, to be loved, but you do.  You are.  And I wish I knew how to… I’ve wanted you for so long, but I realized that it’s not just about wanting.  It’s about giving.  About just saying it.”

“What are you…”

“I kept holding on to you because I wanted you.  And took advantage of your kindness, so that you’ll keep staying with me.  So kind.  So good.  The most loving man, I will ever know.  I can’t hold you because of my selfishness.  I have to let you choose.  And if I must… I’ve got to let you go.”

“Don’t…”

They stayed sitting together on the sofa, watching and listening to each other for a long time.  Waiting.  Then Dean froze up at Castiel’s voice, barely a whisper, “I love you.”

Dean’s lungs stopped.

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt like his throat was closed up.  It was everything that he’d been wanting to hear.  He watched Castiel’s face change from elated to hopeful to regretful.  A big tear fell out of his one eye.  Dean reached up, cupping Castiel’s cheek, letting that tear soak into his skin.  All he could manage from his closed throat was, “Cas.”

Castiel must have seen something in Dean’s face, heard something in his voice.  He surged forward, lips meeting lips.  Castiel’s hands wrapped around Dean’s face and neck, pulling him closer when Dean reciprocated the clumsy, rushed kiss.  Dean moaned.  It was everything he’d been dreaming and wishing for.  But so real.  Those were Castiel’s warm lips, softer than he’d ever thought they could be.  Those were his hands, his fingertips in his hair and a callused thumb caressing his skin.  Dean kissed Castiel back with the same enthusiasm and an underlying tenderness.  It felt like a dream.  All those moments he’d wished for this.  So, he had to pull back to see Castiel.

His eyes were still closed, lips parted and glossy.  At the loss of their touch, he blinked his eyes open, revealing the clear blue orbs, slowly focusing on Dean.  His hands slid away.  “Sorry, Dean… I should’ve…”

“No.  No, I’m just… It’s…”

“I’m….”

“It’s everything I’ve wanted.  For so long.  I just… I don’t know how to…”

“Nothing has to change,” Castiel offered.  “I can wait if you need time.  We can still just be—”

“I don’t want that.  I want you.  I want us to change.  I want more.  I’m just… Hell, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, Cas.”

“Me, too.”

Dean smiled back at Castiel. 

“I know it’s like,” Dean checked the time on his phone.  “It’s not even nine but… Maybe we can go to sleep?”

“Yeah.  Okay.  Yes.”

“Like, together?”

“Yes.”

Castiel took a moment to gather the forgotten papers while Dean turned the TV off.  They separated to get ready for bed.  Dean hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time.  After brushing his teeth and a quick shower, he got dressed in his regular sleep clothes.  A faded San Diego University shirt that he got during freshmen orientation that was too big for him then, still loose and fraying at the edges over a soft pair of shorts.  They hadn’t decided verbally on whose bed, but Dean crossed the short hall into Castiel’s bedroom, closing the door behind him.  Castiel was sitting up against the headboard and some pillows.  Dean felt his smile as he slid in under the sheets, trying to relax when his head hit the pillow waiting for him.  Castiel shuffled around, turning his lamp off and making himself comfortable.

“Good night, Dean.”

“Night,” Dean answered back.  But he wasn’t sleepy at all, and stayed still, blinking against the darkness of the room.  Finally, he turned around.  “Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“Kiss me again?”

Castiel turned slowly to face him.  Instead of kissing him, he cupped Dean’s cheek.  His thumb swept over his skin then his lower lip.

“Why have you never said anything?” Castiel asked.

Dean felt flushed, like when his friends teased him about his crush.  He could divert from answering; he was good at that.  But this was Cas.  Castiel knew Dean.  There was no point to lying.

“I…” Dean gulped.  Even in the darkness, Castiel’s eyes were bright, reflecting whatever bits of lights shone through the closed blinds.  “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Castiel frowned.  Yeah, that was an excuse he’d been telling himself and his friends but even to his own ears, sounded weak.

“I was scared of how you’d react,” Dean tried again.  “When we were still in school.  I thought you were straight, what, with Amelia and Claire and everything.”

Castiel nodded.  His fingers traced the line of his face down over his neck then shoulder, lips pressing against his clavicle.  Dean moaned at the touch.

“I fell in love with you, probably from the first day you walked into my life.  I was going to tell you… I wanted to… Then I did something so stupid, and a woman was having my baby, while inside, I was having this crisis about my sexuality and… All I wanted was to tell you.  And I’ve tried, a few times, to confess my feelings but I kept thinking you deserved better.”

“There’s no one better for me, Cas.”

Castiel smiled at him.  Dean turned his face to press a kiss against Castiel’s palm.  “I liked when… When we hung out.  At home or whatever.  It felt like… It felt— god, Cas— it felt like just us… I could even pretend that… That we were more than just roommates…”

“Mmm…” Castiel hummed.  “Me, too.”

Dean’s mouth flickered up into a small smile.  Castiel traced it with his eyes.  “You’re the most kind, beautiful, funny man… I was in love with you before I understood what love really was.”

“Cas…” Dean twisted his head from Castiel’s grip to push forward.  He closed his eyes as their lips met, plunging into each other.  Dean pressed his fingers into Castiel’s hair and sought to deepen their kiss.  Castiel let him explore and reciprocated what Dean did with his mouth.  There was no comparison.  Nothing felt like this before.  Then Castiel shifted his body.  Dean stiffened at the brush of Castiel’s erection against his thigh.  Castiel pulled back, apologizing, moving his body away.  “N-no, Cas… That’s okay… I want…”

Castiel smiled down at him.  He gave Dean a short kiss.

“I want you, too.”

Dean tried to dive in, his fingers under Castiel’s shirt, but gentle fingers wrapped around his wrist.

“You know what I was always afraid of?” Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head, dizzy with arousal and want.

“That I’d disappoint you.  That I wasn’t good enough.  Not just in bed, I’m… I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I won’t be…”

Castiel watched his face.

“Let’s just sleep tonight.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded his head.  “I’m fine with that.  Cas…?”

“Yeah…?”

“I do have something I need to discuss with you,” Dean sighed.

“What is it?”

“Do you know this kid from school, Chuck Shurley?”

Chapter Text

Sun, 12/22/24, 3:57PM
Jessica: Pay up bitches hahahaha
Charles: Techincally I won too
Sam: So did I?
Aaron: I didn’t think any of us bet against them getting together so I don’t think anyone won
Sam: Agreed!
Dean: You all suck
Jessica: hahahaha!
Charles: You should be thanking us!
Castiel: What bet?
Benny: Everyone put in those $10 for snacks for game night
Benny: It’s the last time in Cas and Dean’s stank apt right?
Castiel: Guys what bet?
Dean: Final night!
Castiel: Am I a bet? Am I a fucking bet?!
Charles: Nice

Dean held Castiel close, moaning around their kiss.  His hips would protest the next day, but he couldn’t care.  He was straddling Castiel’s lap, his one arm around his neck, the other roaming over his pecs and spectacularly firm abs.  Castiel was gripping his hips as he kissed him back.  One thing that Dean discovered about Castiel was that he was very bossy in intimate situations, yet still a gentleman until the moment Dean asked him for more.  Dean liked that a lot.  They’ve not gone all the way yet, but Dean felt like that was going to be soon.  For now, though, Dean enjoyed being close to his boyfriend (the word still melted Dean into a puddle) and kissing him the way he’d always wanted to.  It was awesome.

“C’mon guys, get a room!” Sam shouted from the entrance of their apartment.  Jess giggled beside Sam.  Dean spared a moment to flip off his little brother.

“Dean, where do you want these?  I think you packed all your big snack bowls,” Jess called from the kitchen area.

“Shit,” Dean cussed, his lips still pressed against Castiel’s.  Castiel groaned at the loss of his lips, blinking heavily.  He looked like he’d been in a trance, slow to come to, and he smiled, all focus on Dean’s face.  Dean felt his lips tug upwards, but he pushed himself off his boyfriend’s lap to help Jess.

Technically, they were all moved into their new home.  When Castiel put his mind to it, he completed the task with a single-mindedness that frightened and aroused Dean.  He signed the non-disclosure contract for Chuck while Dean was still hesitant.  ‘Claire reads those stories and talks about it all the time.’  Dean absolutely could not recall but he, too, signed the contract after reading over the thing.  Castiel then borrowed money from Gabriel on short-term until he’d get his check from Chuck.  (Gabe told Dean that he was happy to gift it to Castiel as he didn’t take a cent from their parents’ will, giving it all to his brother and his new business.) Castiel contacted a real estate agent and had the bank.  All Dean needed to do was visit the listings with Castiel.  Dean agreed with Castiel that he wanted a home rather than an apartment, and after listening to the bank guy, it seemed affordable.  Within short ten days, they were in escrow of a cute three-bedroom twin home with a sweet front porch and a backyard big enough for Dean to host a barbecue for all their friends.  Everything happened so quickly that Dean’s head was spinning, but he knew he wouldn’t regret a thing.

‘I spent so long yearning for this and not doing anything about it.  I just want to come home to you, Dean.’

Dean was just fine with that.  Once everything was signed and they were new homeowners, he made Sam come down and help him move.  Sam bitched and moaned but he was all smiles.  Dean purchased a new bed and furniture for the main bedroom.  They were donating most of their used furniture, except Dean’s old mattress that was still relatively good, for the guestroom.  Most of the things were moved out on the Saturday (yesterday), but the new sofa and dining room set that Dean ordered were delayed due to the holiday season.  Their friends wanted Dean and Castiel to host in their new home, but they’d have nowhere to sit, so Dean suggested a last hurrah in the old apartment.

Dean was a little nervous, mostly because of the big deal his friends were definitely going to make about their new relationship.  Castiel was relaxed, more so than Dean had ever seen him.  He was still a nerd, arguing with Sammy about some old timey law thing that Dean couldn’t care less about.  But he smiled easier, his eyes were brighter.  When Dean inched closer, Castiel opened his arm to invite him in if he wanted a quick cuddle.  Not that Dean would ever call it a cuddle out loud.  Castiel had one hand resting on his lower back as they congregated around the kitchen island with Sam and Jess (Jess had her arms around Sam’s middle with Sam hugging her close, and Dean wondered if he could get away doing that with Cas) sipping on wine and picking on the snacks when their friends arrived. 

None of them even mentioned, even as they greeted each other, caught up on the end of the year stuff and opened their preferred drinks, anything about Dean and Castiel’s new relationship.  Dean was puzzled by their behavior, waiting for the punch line, but it never came even when they migrated over to the small gaming table and foldout chairs (they were packing these up to take to the new house after).  Aaron mentioned a special someone he was seeing, admitting that he was developing a lot of feelings for this guy after Charlie poked at him, literally.  Dean invited Aaron to bring him along for their next get together, “At our new place, I’m hoping.”

Their friends were excited about the new house and Dean and Castiel had to choose a date for the housewarming— the next time Sam and Jess could come down— on the spot.  Castiel smiled and typed in (to his new phone) the date and what everyone wanted to do (Dean’s famous burgers were on the top of the list).  Dean finally broke and asked, “Why aren’t you guys more, I don’t know, reactive about me and Cas?”

“What about you and Cas?” Benny asked.

“You know, our new relationship?  You were giving me all sorts of crap about it like a month ago,” Dean grumbled.  He’d told Castiel all about that.

“Um, to us you’ve, like, always been in a relationship.  To us, you’ve always like the old married couple with a part-time kid, you know?” Charlie said and shrugged.  Sam nodded sagely so Dean kicked at him under the table.

“Ow!  Jerk.”

“Bitch,” and Dean, maturely, flipped him off.

“It doesn’t feel different or anything,” Benny chuckled.  “Your energy or whatever.”

“Yeah, I mean, don’t your students ship you?” Aaron asked.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Well,” Aaron leaned forward, putting himself at the center of attention.  “A part of my job is to find a new book or screenplay for producers.  Because online stories and comics are a big part of what kids are into these days, I browse them, too.  I found this kid writing this ghost hunting stories online and even though the writing was poor, the stories were exciting.  The characters were well written, though, so I’d presented the stories.”

“Are these that Bizarre Happenings of Kansas series?” Charlie piped up.  “Some of the people on my gaming communities talked about them so I’ve read a few.  Not really my thing but I could see it being a TV show.”

Dean gawked at his friends.  Benny didn’t seem very interested, and Sam and Jess knew about them because Dean told them about how they got extra cash for the house.

“The writer of the series has a little private chatroom where his readers post reactions and stuff.  I joined just to find out how the readers reacted to things, you know, research.  And there was this small side room where, I guessed, they knew the writer in real life or were friends.  They were always talking about Mr. N and Mr. W.  I didn’t pay attention to them much until we actually signed the series.  And the writer was telling us how he characterized one of the main characters after his math teacher… His description was unbelievably Dean Winchester, I couldn’t believe it.  And this new character he introduces in the fourth installment is so very Castiel…”

“Uh…” Dean offered helpfully.  Castiel had his hand pressed to his mouth, laughing silently, shoulders shaking and all.

“The kids in that one chatroom were always talking about how you were a couple.” Aaron shrugged, sitting back in his chair after.

“That’s really cute,” Jess piped up.  “You guys are so unbelievably, cluelessly cute.”

“Don’t say cute,” Dean argued without any heat in his voice.  “Whatever.  We can’t talk about it anyway.”

Aaron shrugged knowingly.  Dean shuffled the deck of cards and started dealing in a dismissive way.  Charlie begun pitching an idea of a badass lesbian hacker, like herself, who rescues the brothers out of trouble.  Benny seemed relieved to be starting the game, while Castiel refilled drinks and the snacks for everyone.

“Wait a minute.  Did you say brothers?” Sam shouted at Aaron in the middle of the third round.

Chapter Text

@ChooChooSurely:  (Tuesday, February 18, 2025, 8:02PM) Well, guys, this is my final post here.  As you’ve already noticed, all the chatrooms were shut down and replies have been turned off.  I’ve already explained a few months back that I’d have to take down all the stories and close this blog down for good.  It’s been a real pleasure, and I feel privileged to have gotten to know you and all the love and critiques you’ve shown me over the past few years.  I’ll always be around!  Signing out, Chuck

Castiel put away the paint rollers and brushes, and made sure the cans of paint were sealed tightly.  Claire had ideas about how she wanted her room to look like, one jet black and one hot pink wall, neutral beigey gray for the other two and had picked out all the furniture herself.  Castiel let her because he wanted her to feel like she had a place here, even though Dean bickered with her about her choices.  Castiel didn’t interfere because that was how they bonded.  They’d get into a tiff at the grocery store while browsing for cheese, but at the end of her visit, Claire hugged Dean hard before getting into her parents’ car.  That was just how they expressed their love for one another, Castiel supposed.  It was still cold in the middle of February, but Castiel opened the window to let the paint smell out then closed the door.

Dean had dinner ready when he took the paint things down to the kitchen.  Dean gave him a grin as Castiel passed him to set the things in the sink next to the washing machine.  The deep-welled sink was already paint splashed and ruined as they fixed things or repainted rooms around their house.  Dean said it didn’t matter now, as long as Castiel didn’t spill half a gallon of paint on their floor again.  (Dean sanded and revarnished the living room floor after, saying he wanted to revarnish it anyway.) After cleaning his hands, Castiel joined Dean in the kitchen.  Dean made spaghetti bowls.  They’d had long days at school, and then Dean had a meeting with the other baseball coaches before the season started.  Since Castiel had promised Claire that he’d finish her room this week, Dean made dinner for them.  Something easy, Castiel suggested, or take out was fine, too.  Spaghetti bowls were easy for Dean but for Castiel, they felt special because Dean made it for them.

“Looks delicious,” Castiel complimented, giving Dean’s waist a squeeze and a peck to the corner of his lips.  Dean smiled at him.  He had these lines that crinkled when he smiled now.  Unlike the eighteen-year-old boy who stepped into his room and life and changed Castiel’s world.  But he was still warm, hard exterior that held this soft, sweet, caring and loving man sheltered.  Castiel loved him even more now.  And he wanted to cherish Dean in every moment.

As they ate, they talked about their day.  They had to go over housewarming party preparations as Sam and Jess were coming down for a long weekend.  Sam and Jess were going to help, being the moochers they were, taking serious advantage of the ‘free guestroom’ whenever they wanted.  Dean grumbled about making a mistake about the third bedroom and how he should have turned it into an office, but Castiel knew he loved having his little brother over.  The usual suspects were invited, plus some coworkers.  Claire and her parents were invited, and his daughter was over the moon about being at an all-adults party.  Gabriel told him he wouldn’t miss it for the world.  Their neighbors were welcome.  The couple who lived next door, Jody and Donna were great people.  Plus, they were letting out their extra rooms for some very special guests, Dean’s father and his friends from Kansas.

Castiel knew Dean was hesitant about telling his dad, and he never pushed.  Dean had no problem telling Bobby or Rufus, who he was still very close to.  Both of them told Dean that they couldn’t wait to meet Castiel, which made him flustered, and when Dean told them about the planned housewarming party, they booked flights out for the weekend.  It prompted Dean to call his dad about their new house and relationship.  Castiel, due to Dean’s grip on his hand, sat next to him as he carefully explained to John.  Castiel was ready for any scenario, but he heard John over the phone, ‘About damn time!’  Castiel couldn’t wait to properly meet John.  Dean mentioned how he wanted the house perfect for when his dad came.  Castiel suggested, ‘Maybe he’d just want to see how happy you are, in a loving home we’re building together.’

“I do want to bake some pies,” Dean pushed away his cleared bowl.  He tapped his pencil against the notepad they’ve been jotting down ideas for.  “Would five be enough?”

“Gabe will probably hog one whole pie for himself.”

“You’re right.  Ten?”

Castiel dabbed his mouth with his napkin.  He drew Dean in close for a short kiss.  Dean kissed him back.  Castiel loved him so much.

“I’ll peel all the apples you need,” Castiel said.

“You’re the best.”

“Anything for you, Sugar.”

Dean pouted.  “Sugar.  We need sugar.”

Castiel chuckled.  “Dean.  Let’s put the list down for the rest of the night.  I’m ready to go to bed, actually.”

“Oh?” Dean’s eyes sparkled.  “Already tired, old man?”

“Not for sleep.  There’re things that I need to do to you.  I’ve been thinking about them all day.”

Dean hurried out of his seat and pulled Castiel up to the second floor.  Round the kitchen through the short hallway, Dean had painted the palest green along one wall.  Their pictures throughout the years hung on frames, like a zigzag timeline of their youth, their families and then to the point when they met.  Dean continued to kiss him as they stumbled their way up the staircase.  The wall here was blue.  More pictures of them were displayed, some just the two of them, a lot of them with family or friends.  But there was so much love in them, even as they grew up and older.  Castiel lightly pressed Dean against them, just to catch his breath.

“I love you, Dean.”

And Dean smiled back at him.  “Love you, Cas.”

And the feeling that Castiel had tried keep hidden, he saw them in Dean’s eyes.  He saw them in all the photos of them throughout the years.  And he hadn’t known what it would feel like, then, when he finally said it.  He’d been mostly scared of Dean’s reaction, but he’d been afraid of how it would change them.  And here, now, he had Dean in his arms.  And love, Castiel realized, it was the feeling of finally coming home.

They were home.

end