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Sometimes Hua Cheng stares up at the stars and wonders if Xie Lian is looking at the same sky as him.
Sometimes Hua Cheng wonders if Xie Lian ever thinks about that ugly child that fell at the grand Shangyuan Festival.
Sometimes Hua Cheng wonders if Xie Lian ever wishes he had someone to hold him, to tell him it was okay.
Sometimes, Hua Cheng thinks about how different life would be different if he wasn’t so useless.
If only he wasn’t so useless.
Then he could have saved Xie Lian.
Sometimes, Hua Cheng wonders what Xie Lian would think of him if they met now.
Who is he kidding? He already knows.
He would think that Hua Cheng was an ugly monster.
A creepy, obsessed stalker.
A fucking pervert.
Trash that is better off dead.
After all, is that not exactly what Hua Cheng is?
Hua Cheng knows he deserves to suffer away from his god.
But that doesn’t make accepting it any easier.
Sometimes, Hua Cheng wonders what it would be like if he just gave up, and let himself fade away, disperse without a tether. As appealing as it sounds, Hua Cheng couldn’t give up on Xie Lian no matter how hard he tried.
Hua Cheng stares at his ashes. And, oh, god… It would be so easy.
He could imagine how satisfying it would be to just disappear. He could do it. He had a way out. Besides, he’s better off dead.
Let’s face it, he was never going to see Xie Lian again anyways.
And then Yin Yu knocked on the door.
Hua Cheng snarled at him. “Go the fuck away.”
“Hua Chengzu, his highness has ascended again.”