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Jimin knew it wasn't a good day the moment he opened the bedroom door.
Clothes were strewn across the floor, drawers ripped off their hinges, the bedside vase scattered around in pieces. He was glad that he had removed all the mirrors after Yoongi had smashed them during an episode, blood-covered shards hidden throughout the apartment for months. A quiet whimper from the closet told Jimin where his boyfriend was, if not for the trail of destruction that he had left behind.
"Jagiya?" He called softly, setting his bag down on the ruined bed before creeping towards the older. "Jagi, what happened today?"
Jimin didn't expect a response and wasn't fazed when there was silence, seating himself in front of the closed door. "It must have been a hard day for you, your schedules are always so full. Taehyung-ah was talking about having a day off with the group, time to hang out and catch up on all of our solo activities. He said that we've been so distant lately we might as well be on the other side of the earth."
"I saw an ARMY's post talking about a cute cat cafe in Japan," he continued. "I think it was called Mocha Cat Cafe, there's a few in Tokyo and Nagoya. There were so many cats in the pictures, there was even a really fluffy Exotic Short-hair. I've been thinking about getting one, since it seems like everyone has some animal companion these days..."
Jimin quietly stood up after several moments, heading out of the room to give Yoongi some space to calm. He walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, setting out a cutting board, knife, and a bar of chocolate on the counter before opening the refrigerator. The rapper had likely gone out to do the groceries earlier, judging by the refreshed supply of ground beef, cilantro, broccoli, and more seemingly random foods. The netted bag of tangerines on the counter also alluded to the shopping trip, which meant that there was a higher chance that Yoongi had also bought the fruit that Jimin was searching for.
Several moments of silence ensued as he scanned the shelves, repressing his triumphant grin as he spotted the container of ripe strawberries. Despite the initial struggle, Jimin managed to wash the strawberries, cut off the leaves, melt the chocolate, dip the strawberries in the dark liquid, and set it on a plate in the fridge to cool with minimal difficulty—namely dropping the knife and almost impaling his foot. It was just in time, as a soft whimper came from the bedroom.
"I'm here, I'm coming," Jimin reassured the older, setting the dirtied cutting board and knife in the dishwasher before taking a deep breath, forcing himself to calmly stroll back into the room with slow, pointed steps to signify his approach. The closet door had opened in his absence, revealing a pile of clothes and blankets deposited in a heap at the center of the dark wardrobe. He couldn't make out Yoongi's silhouette due to the little light filtering into the room, and so he sat down at the entrance to the closet. It was a safe distance, giving the older three protective walls while having more comfort available if he was comfortable.
"Do you feel better, hyung?" Jimin whispered after several moments, immediately regretting the words as soon as he voiced them. "Sorry, stupid question."
"It's not stupid," A voice suddenly snapped, and Jimin's lap was suddenly occupied by his furious boyfriend. "It's not a stupid question, don't give an apology for that!"
The singer knew that Yoongi didn't mean to snap at him, that it was his representation of the thoughts running through his mind, itching and scratching and clawing for a way out. For Yoongi, that escape seemed to be his words—sharp, biting, and cynical. So he slowly turned to look at the rapper, smiling softly at the sight of his teary eyes and messy hair. It was rare to see such emotion on Yoongi's features and Jimin took the time to treasure it, even if it was after an attack.
"Welcome back, jagiya," Jimin crooned as Yoongi shifted in his lap, flustered at the attention. "As enjoyable as this is, I don't think you can sit on me like a two-year-old. You're practically 40."
The elder's eyes lit up with anger at the teasing remark, aggressively pushing Jimin onto his back. "I'm 32, and you're an overgrown puppy."
"Fluffy kitten," Jimin replied with mirth, burying his fingers in Yoongi's hair to play with the mint-green strands.
"Me or you?" Yoongi demanded suddenly, moving backward so quickly that Jimin's small hands were inches away from his small button nose.
Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it–
Jimin booped Yoongi's nose, giggling at the indignant cry of protest as he stood up, pulling his boyfriend with him. "Let's get off the floor, it's not suitable for such a cute kitten like you."
He would be lying if he said that he didn't feel like he had ascended to heaven when he saw a soft blush tint the rapper's—his rapper's—face. He would also be lying later when retelling the story to Jungkook, claiming that he didn't sneeze in Yoongi's face when they woke up.
"Not 'a.'"
"Hmm?" Jimin blinked, making eye contact with Yoongi for a moment before the other looked away.
"Not a kitten. Yours."
"You want to be with me?" Jimin asked, trying to process the statement.
"I'm not going to be called a kitten by just anybody," Yoongi grumbled, hiding his face in Jimin's shoulder.
Jimin laughed, relieved that Yoongi's anguish had seemed to dissipate rapidly this time. There had been days where they had sat on the closet floor for hours, Yoongi cycling through screaming, sobbing, and hitting as the pressure overwhelmed him. Luckily, those days seemed to be few and far between now, with Jimin learning the best methods to calm down a grumpy cat. Well, a grumpy Yoongi. It seemed to be the same thing these days, if Jimin was being honest.
"Do you want to go to the kitchen, have some 초콜릿 딸기?" Jimin offered, holding out his hand as he walked to the doorway. He knew that his boyfriend occasionally needed a simple decision, a reminder that he had a choice, was present in the moment, that he wasn't nothing.
Yoongi shifted from foot to foot, glancing down the hallway before continuing to stare at a vague point in Jimin's sweater. The younger felt a small shiver of satisfaction as he saw their matching outfits, both wearing a yellow sweater and black skinny jeans. The only difference was in the size of the sweater; Yoongi's reached his knees whereas Jimin's was partially tucked in, showing off his waist. He forced his attention back to the rapper, praying that his anxiety wouldn't keep him trapped in the bedroom for the day.
"I...could you come with me?" Yoongi mumbled, oblivious to the fact that Jimin never even considered letting him go alone. "I mean, you don't have to, but it'd be nice– never mind, I'm sorry I asked–"
"Yoongi-ah." Jimin gently interrupted the older, trying to keep the conversation on track. "Do you want to go and eat with me?"
"Yes," Yoongi replied quickly, clasping onto the singer's small hand as he glanced around the room anxiously. "I don't want– I don't think I should be alone right now."
"Jagi...you know you can always come to me to talk about these things, right? If you feel uncomfortable telling me, you could talk to Namjoon-hyung, Seokjin-hyung, or any of the other members. You could tell management, you could talk to a therapist again," Jimin urged, trying to stamp down the sense of panic he felt at his boyfriend's words.
"You don't have to keep all of this bottled up, it's important– it's okay to express how you feel, to admit that you need help. We're all here, you're never alone."
"I know, Jimin-ah." Yoongi paused. "It's just...difficult. It feels like everyone's watching me, waiting for me to make another mistake..."
"We'll always love you, no matter what. Bangtan will always love you, ARMY will always love you, I'll always love you." Jimin took one last step out of the room, guiding the rapper into the hallway. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."
Yoongi was silent for a moment, glancing around anxiously before hurriedly dragging Jimin into the kitchen, the singer frantically snatching the strawberries from the fridge before being pulled down onto the tiled floor. His feline eyes widened slightly at the sight of the blankets folded neatly in the corner, positioned away from the windows and behind the cabinets.
"You...did this for me?" Yoongi asked, insecurities shining through clearer than ever in the waver of his voice.
Jimin grinned, obviously pleased with his reaction as his eyes closed. "You know, my beautiful idiot."
"I know, my precious dumbass."