Chapter Text
The reserve was a wonderful experience for the students. Learning new aspects and information on dragons while getting to have hands-on experiences with them added more magic than anyone could ever understand. For Hermione and Harry, the highlight was getting to see the Ironbelly lay her first clutch of eggs. It brought tears to her eyes. The tender way, well tender for a dragon, her mate treated her when they were in their clearing. It made Hermione think of her own Dragon and what she would do with him once they returned to school.
In truth, Hermione didn’t know what she would do with Draco. He was trying, in his own way, to be better for her. To gain her trust again. To be the man she deserved. Understanding what he had done and accepting it were two different things, and if she were honest with herself, most of her distrust was directed at Theo. The war left her with trust issues. Trust issues that made her doubt herself so often led her to wonder if she had ever made any right decisions in her life.
Sitting on the lookout of the astronomy tower, Hermione looked at the night sky. At the constellations in the sky, she wondered what her life would have been like if the war had never happened. If Voldemort never came back, and she was able to be with Draco out in the open without the fear of a maniacal madman hunting them down and killing them. Her finger absently traced the swirling pattern on her palm. It became a happen not long after the mark appeared on her skin.
It must have been midnight by the time Draco appeared behind her. When they arrived back at Hogwarts, she could see the ire in his eyes. The jealousy that had always led to an argument between the two in the past. In a way, it was endearing that he was so scared of losing her to someone else. That he thought she would ever truly leave him for someone else when he owned her heart and soul. When they were apart, she felt incomplete. During the war, it caused her physical pain to be without him every day.
Before the war, she hadn’t had the time to do research into soul bonds, but after she found out what Draco and Theo had done, she did. Maybe that was why it was becoming so difficult to truly find it in herself to forgive him. She knew what would happen if either of them were to die.
“Hermione.” Draco gritted out as she continued to ignore his existence behind her.
With a sigh, she finally looked over her shoulder at him, “Draco, I don’t want to fight tonight. I don’t have the energy.”
“But you have the energy to fawn all over Charlie Weasley like a love-sick girl? I’m your soul mate, and you will barely look at me! I love you, Hermione! You are mine and I’m yours. Please just talk to me!” His voice broke at the end as desperation filled his eyes. It was enough to make her heart break all over again. Seeing him hurting only made everything worse.
Standing, she made her way over to him and looked into his eyes. “I’m hurt, Draco. I love you with all my heart, and I know we will spend the rest of our lives together, but I’m still hurt. I don’t want anyone but you! I haven’t had anyone but you, and if you died, I would never have been able to move on with someone else.” Tears were starting to fill her eyes as she looked into his. In a way, they needed to have this argument. They needed to get it out of their system so they could move forward, but she had been avoiding it for so long. Avoiding admitting what she now knew.
“You would have felt our bond snap if I had died. You would have been in unimaginable pain and would have felt like your soul was being torn from your very core.” Her fingers pressed into her sternum as she looked at him. “A true and complete soul bond makes it so we can feel the other’s pain the longer we are apart. We can always feel each other in our cores because they are connected. When one dies, it will feel like you are dying with them. That’s why it’s hard for me to move past this. I have tried to put it behind me. Tried to forgive you, but it hurts Draco. It is agony knowing you would move on with your life if I died, when I know I wouldn’t even be able to breathe if you were dead.”
He looked stunned at her. His fingers itching to reach out and touch her, but he hesitated, now knowing if she would be receptive to him trying to comfort her. Slowly, he reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs before pulling her into his arms. Holding her tight as he rested his chin on the top of her head. “Hermione, I was numb at the thought of you being dead. I was uncaring of anything around me. All I wanted to do was die and follow you into the afterlife. Even getting hit with a Cruciatus didn’t hurt when Voldemort hit me over and over again after the three of you escaped. My world was dead and gray without you in it. I know it’s no excuse. I chose to do what I did, and I continued even after I knew you were alive because I knew I didn’t deserve you. I knew the world would be better off without me in it.”
He kissed the crown of her head and held her tighter as she buried her face in his chest. “I was broken and self-destructive. Drowning my sorrow and shame in whiskey while making every mad decision I could have.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to admit something he hadn’t told anyone else. “During the war, even before you were tortured at the manor, I was dosing myself with dreamless sleep nightly. Without it, I couldn’t sleep, and during the day, I was taking ether just to function.”
As he spoke, she pulled away and looked up at him with wide eyes. It was common knowledge that dreamless sleep was addictive if taken long term, but it was the fact that he was taking ether that shocked her most of all. Ether was a potion that closely resembled the Muggle drug MDMA. Unfortunately, ether was ten times more addictive and could lead to damage to someone’s magical core when taken over a long period.
“Draco,” She said softly as she reached up and cupped his cheek.
“It’s no excuse for my actions. I used to, so I could feel something, anything, with you gone. It’s why I stayed away for so long after my trial. Hell, if my mother hadn’t intervened and planned that tea, I probably would have continued to isolate myself from you till I was forced to come back to school. The recovery process was,” he paused as she looked out at the night sky, “Difficult, and I still have cravings for it. It’s easier with you around, but I know I will never deserve you.”
Hermione reached up and cupped his cheek before making him look at her. Slowly, she raised to stand on her tip toes as she angled his face down to her. Lips brushing against each other as a soft whimper escaped her lips, “We are supposed to be partners in everything. Lean on me. Trust me with what is going on in your head. We have so much to fix, but we need to work together to fix it.”
Their lips pressed together in a tender but desperate kiss as he held her tightly to his chest. “I love you so much, Hermione.” He murmured when they finally pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes.
“I love you, too, Draco. With all of my heart.”
It wasn’t long after their tender moments that they heard feet on the stairs that led up to the lookout. “That is probably Harry looking for me.” She said with a sigh as she rested her forehead on his chest. “It’s getting late.”
As they pulled apart, the two turned to see who was coming up the stairs, only to freeze when they caught a mop of ginger hair instead of black. “Well, look what we have here.” Ron sneered as he looked at the couple. “A disgraced golden girl with her pet Death Eater. I thought I would find you up here.”
“Ron, leave us alone. It’s late, and I do not have the energy to deal with you right now.” Hermione said as Draco moved to stand in front of her protectively. His hand rested on his wand.
Ron ignored her while his eyes focused on Draco. “You are the worst thing to ever happen to her. She was so good. She was supposed to be mine, yet you had to interfere and taint her with your darkness. Harry should have killed you when he had the chance, but I won’t make the same mistake he did.”
“She was never your’s Weaselbee,” Draco said with a sneer. “She was always my witch from the day we met. In every life, she will always be mine.” Draco pulled his wand and held it as his eyes narrowed on Ron.
Hermione watched as the two of them dueled. Her hand came to her wand. It wasn’t till she saw a white wisp gathering at the tip of Ron’s wand that she acted in panic rather than logic. “Sectumsempra” Left Ron’s lips as Hermione pushed Draco out of the way. His shield was a second too late as a gasp escaped Hermione’s lips. Eyes widening as she felt the searing pain slash across her throat and chest.
Before her body could fall to the ground, Draco caught her. His hand moved to her throat to stanch the blood. Her eyes clouded over as her lips moved, trying to form the words ‘I love you’ before they closed, and her world went black.
Everything moved in slow motion for Draco as he grabbed his dropped wand. His hand was trembling as he performed the counter curse, trying to save her life. He didn’t even notice when there were thundering steps to the lookout or when people surrounded him, trying to save her life. All he could do was continue to perform the counter spell and watch as the blood started to slow and the wound knitted back together.
It wasn’t till Harry was pulling Draco away from Hermione that he realized Madam Pomfrey was at Hermione's side, tending to what was left of her wounds and pouring potions down her throat to save her. Tears were running down his cheeks as Harry told him repeatedly that she would be okay. That Madam Pomfrey would finish saving her. Watched as she was raised onto a stretcher and transported to the hospital wing.
“Mr.Malfoy,” Headmistress McGonagall said in the same tone she used when she was commanding a class and demanded everyone’s attention, “What happened?”
It took him minutes to collect himself as he looked at Hermione's blood that stained the ground. “We were talking and working through our problems,” he started as he looked down at his blood-stained hands, “And Weasley came up and confronted us. Confronted me. When he started to throw curses at me, I dueled him back. She was out of the way, but she must have seen the curse before I did and pushed me out of the way. He…he tried to hit me with a Sectumsempra. He tried to kill me and almost killed her in the process.”
Everyone froze as the spell was named. While Dark Magic was discussed and to an extent taught at Hogwarts, it was not to be used against other students. “We will need to collect your memories of the attack for the report. Please go to the infirmary to be checked on.”
“Cousin.” He heard before his eyes moved to look at his elder cousin, Tonks. She was an Auror. The thought processed through his mind. “Hermione will be fine. She will have a few more scars, but she will be fine. Now I need you to come back to your senses. She will need you, and you having a panic attack will not help.”
Her words were logical, and that helped pull him out of his shame spiral. Helped stop the thoughts that he almost got the woman he loved killed and that he almost lost her for good.
“She needs me. I need to be there for her when she wakes up.” Draco said as Harry finally let him go.
With the blood loss and damage from the curse, Hermione was asleep for days. Draco only leaves her side to attend class so she would have notes for what she missed. It would have been her only complaint. Missing class and the useless notes that any of their other friends would have created.
It was a Wednesday when she woke up. Groggy with Crookshanks lying on her chest. His yellow eyes focused on something at the end of her bed while he growled. As her eyes followed her cats, she saw Ron standing there with guilt in his eyes. “What are you doing here?” She said while her hand reached for her wand. Once he was one of her best friends, but he had changed since the war. He was no longer the goofy boy she met on the train when they were. He had become someone filled with hate.
“I’m so sorry, Hermione. I never meant to hurt you. I was aiming for him. Tried to get him out of our lives so everything could go back to the way it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be you and me. Ginny and Harry.” He pleaded as he looked into her eyes.
As he moved closer, Crookshanks rose ready to strike. His growl deepened as he glared at the ginger, but Ron paid the cat no mind and continued to advance. “Please just see reason, Hermione. They are everything wrong with our world. He is a Death Eater, Hermione. He tried to kill Dumbledore. He almost killed me in the process.”
“I’m happy Dumbledore is dead!” She growled at him. “He’s the reason I grew up without my parents! He gave the order for my mother to be killed, and he had my father taken from me. If he were still alive, I would kill him myself!”
Ron reached for her. “You don’t mean that! He had his reasons, Hermione. He knew they needed to go for the greater good.”
His words sank into her mind as she looked at him. “You know something.” She said softly.
“Just what my mum told me. But I can’t tell you. You’re not supposed to know. I was never supposed to say anything to you.” The closer he got, the more Crookshanks bowed up till he was within striking distance, and the cat launched himself off of Hermione and sank his razor-sharp claws into Ron's face, causing the ginger to scream.
It was the scream that got Pomfrey’s attention. As she was running from her office to see the commotion, Hermione watched as her cat gouged into Ron's face. One of his claws caught his eye before the cat let him go and jumped back onto Hermione’s bed, where he crouched over Hermione productively again.
“That fucking cat!” Ron yelled as he clutched his face.