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Chapter Text

We were too close to the stars
I never knew somebody like you, somebody
Falling just as hard
I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody

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The first time James Potter met Regulus Black was when he was in fourth year, and Regulus was in third. He'd heard mentions of the boy before, as Regulus just so happened to be James' best friend's younger brother. Sirius Black had mentioned his brother on a few occasions, but Regulus was certainly not his favorite topic to discuss. Sirius said his brother's name as if it tasted like sardines on his tongue, and spoke the opposite of fondly of him.

James' first impression of Regulus had been incredibly influenced by Sirius and his downgrading words of the boy. He had no personal experiences with Regulus, and all he had to go off of was the fact that the boy's own brother, James' best friend, had called him things along the lines of a weak coward, a selfish bastard, and, worst of all, a mama's boy, which in Sirius' household could never be a good thing.

It had also become a running joke within the Marauders and their friend group to call Regulus, as well as his friends, the Snakes. Sirius had no interest in speaking his brother's name, and, from what James could gather, would happily go the rest of his life without saying it again. And, Regulus was a Slytherin, so the nickname fit perfectly. From what Sirius had said, Regulus was a little lying snake, and if James had learned anything about the Slytherins, it's that they all were nothing but that.

So, of course, he wasn't very kind when he first met Regulus. From what James could remember, it had gone something like this...

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𝕆𝕔𝕥𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣, 𝟙𝟡𝟟𝟜

James was unable to fall asleep again. This had become normal for him. He was never the best with being still and calm, and usually found himself having difficulties falling asleep. Why would you want to go to sleep when you could be up and about, doing so many other things? He found that going on walks to the Astronomy Tower helped him relax, so he did just that.

Never once had there been someone else on the Astronomy Tower at this hour of night, but tonight was different. The first thing James saw as he reached the top of the stairs was a black-haired boy, leaning on the railing and gazing upwards. He couldn't see the boy's face, but judging by his size, he couldn't have been older than James.

The stair creaked under James' foot, and the boy whipped around.

He looked eerily similar to Sirius, with the same high cheekbones, black wavy hair, and piercing grey eyes. At first glance, James thought he was Sirius. But, as he looked for a bit longer, the boy looked... different. His hair was shorter than Sirius', and his expression was colder. His gaze was threatening, like knives, while Sirius' was kind, like starlight.

"What are you doing up here?" the boy asked, his accent posh and his words clipped. He sounded annoyed. 

"I could ask you the same," James replied, his tone reflecting the boy's. "I come up here a lot, I'll have you know."

"As do I." Ugh, did his accent have to be so annoying? James could tell he was a pureblood just by the way he talked. "I've never seen you up here before."

"Yeah, well..." James paused. "What's your name?"

The boy hesitated, giving James a weird look, before replying, "Regulus. Regulus Black."

That's why he looked so similar to Sirius. This was his snake of a brother. "Oh..." James hummed, a smirk growing on his lips. "Sirius has told me about you."

"Sirius..."  Regulus repeated, his nose crinkling. He said 'Sirius' in the same way Sirius said 'Regulus.' "You know my brother?"

"He's a close friend of mine," James replied.

"He probably hasn't told you the best of things about me, has he?" Regulus inquired.

James chuckled. "How'd you know?"

"Oh, don't act stupid. Everyone's heard all you Gryffindors calling us snakes."

"Caught me there." James crossed the floor and stood next to Regulus, leaning on the railing. Regulus flinched slightly. "So... what are you doing out here this late?"

"I like the stars," Regulus replied simply. "I'm named for one, you know."

"You and Sirius both, Starboy." James grinned when Regulus huffed and rolled his eyes at the nickname.

"Don't call me Starboy," he mumbled. James chuckled again. "You know, I don't think I ever caught your name."

"James Potter," James said proudly.

"Oh..." Regulus hummed. "You're that guy from the Quidditch team. I knew I recognized you."

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They talked about Quidditch after that, and maybe, James thought, Regulus wasn't as bad as Sirius said. He just seemed like a normal kid.

They began to run into each other on the Astronomy Tower sometimes. They talked about Quidditch, mostly. Sometimes about Sirius. Sometimes about the stars. James continuously called Regulus 'Starboy,' which seemingly annoyed Regulus, but James knew he liked it. James learned that Regulus loved talking about his star more than any other, and grew to like the small smile that appeared on his face when he was talking about it.

All in all, Regulus Black just seemed like a normal 13 year old kid.

Maybe Sirius had been exaggerating when he called Regulus a snake.

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ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝔻𝕒𝕪 –  𝔻𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣, 𝟙𝟡𝟟𝟞

James would consider Regulus a close friend. Even though he was a Gryffindor and Regulus was a Slytherin, even if they had a rivalry on the Quidditch pitch, even if they didn't talk much in public. Now 16, it had been two years since the first time James met Regulus at the Astronomy Tower way back in fourth year. Sirius, of course, still didn't know that James has been talking to Regulus behind his back... James would never tell him that. James hated keeping secrets from his best friends, but in this case, he had to.

Outside of the Astronomy Tower, James and Regulus were still rivals. The Marauders still called Regulus a snake, including James, but he told Regulus not to take it personally. Regulus acted cold to James when they saw each other in the corridors, and he scoffed at the rest of the Marauders with his own friends. Their friend groups taunted each other, as they always had. But at the Astronomy Tower... James and Regulus were both completely different people.

Sometime since the first time they met, Regulus started to call James by his first name instead of his last, or sometimes even Four-Eyes, as revenge for James calling him Starboy. And James, while he sometimes called the Slytherin Reg or Reggie, had mainly just stuck to Starboy. Four-Eyes and Starboy. How ridiculous. Somehow, what started as a taunt grew to become affectionate nicknames.

While they did still make fun of each other and tease, they knew it was all fun and games. They told each other stories about themselves knowing they'd get teased, but also knowing that they could trust each other.

Somehow, they trusted each other. Despite the fact that they were supposed to be rivals. Despite the fact that they were in completely different friend groups. Despite the fact that they were not even supposed to be friends at all.

They had a weird, unexpected, rare friendship, but a friendship none the less.

Regulus and James. James and Regulus. Starboy and Four-Eyes. Four-Eyes and Starboy.

Friends, against all odds.

Chapter Text

"Looking forward to Christmas?" a now 15-year-old Regulus asked, sitting beside a now 16-year-old James against the railing of the Astronomy Tower.

"I suppose," James replied, and a smirk grew on his face. "I won't get to talk to you, though."

"Thank Merlin," Regulus chuckled in response, a smile tugging at his lips. "I won't have to hear you talk your mouth off about Quidditch every night. Finally."

"Hey!" James exclaimed, whacking Regulus' arm. "Rude! I thought you liked talking about Quidditch with me!"

"I never said that. You're actually quite annoying, my dear James," Regulus joked, whacking James back.

"Oh, hush, you prat," James laughed, turning to face Regulus.

The Slytherin looked almost the same as he did when he was 13, the first night James met him. But there were some obvious changes. He still had the same grey eyes, that looked like thunderclouds, except they no longer were as sharp as knives. Now, similar to Sirius', they almost glowed like the star Regulus was named after. He had the same sharp cheekbones that everyone in the Black family had, only now he looked more mature. He had the same wavy black hair that fell like a waterfall down his face, only now it was a bit longer than it had been when James first met him. He was taller, too, now about 5'8. He had freckles on his nose like a constellation, and his skin was smooth and pale. For the incest rumored to occur in his family, Regulus sure was beautiful.

James, too, had matured quite a bit since he was 14. He had the same brown skin, brown eyes, and signature James Potter smirk constantly etched on his lips. But he, like Regulus, was taller now, just about 6'2. His brown curls were still unruly and unable to be tamed, and fell like a mop on his head. He'd gotten countless comments from Regulus about how he needed to do something about it, but he knew that Regulus liked his hair. Everyone did. It was something that only he could pull off, and he was proud of it.

"How about you? You excited for Christmas?" James asked. "You're going home, right?"

Regulus' smile faded. "Yeah, I am." Another thing that hadn't changed about Regulus was his stupidly perfect accent. He still sounded like a pureblood, only now, James could hear the emotions in his voice.

"What's the matter?" James asked, noticing Regulus' change in facial expression.

"I don't know... I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen. You know, with all the talk about the Dark Lord and stuff. My parents were... excited about that, the whole idea of killing muggles and pureblood domination. It's sick."

"You could always, you know..." James paused. "Come home with me. Sirius is spending Christmas with Remus this year, and Peter's going to France with his family. You'd be safe with me."

"My parents are expecting me," Regulus replied simply, his voice emotionless.

"If anything happens, Regulus, my door is always open," James assured him, though the Slytherin didn't seem scared. But James was serious. He never called Regulus his first name unless he was being 100% serious.

A rare, small smile appeared on Regulus' face. "Thank you, James." He paused, looking up at the sky again. "You know, you're probably my best friend at this point."

James smirked. "Not a very high bar, I must say. All those other Slytherins are annoying little snakes." Regulus shot him a sharp Shut the fuck up look, and James laughed. "What? It's true!"

"Insufferable," Regulus muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. 

James laughed. "I'm only joking. You're one of mine, too."

Regulus scoffed. "What about my brother?"

"Oh, don't make me take sides in this siblings' war of yours. Can't I just be friends with both of you?"

"No. One or the other."

"Then I'm afraid it would have to be him, Starboy," James joked. Regulus raised his eyebrows and turned his head slowly in the most dramatic way, making James laugh. Regulus looked as if he wanted to murder James, and James wouldn't have even been surprised if he did.

"See, I just chose you over all my Slytherin friends, and now here you are choosing my brother over me. The nerve of you, James, really!" Regulus exclaimed.

"I don't see you cheering for me during Quidditch games," James shrugged. Regulus scowled.

"If you think for one second that I would go against my house just to cheer for your stupid arse during Quidditch..." Regulus ranted, very annoyed. Something else James had learned about Regulus in the past two years was that when he was annoyed, like now, he began speaking with the smallest French accent, and James absolutely adored it. It was so faint that some might argue that it wasn't even there, but James knew Regulus. And, when annoyed, Regulus seemed to use more improper vocabulary, which he had also just done. James just smiled, very amused. "Oh, get that stupid smile off your face. You are by far the most insufferable git I've ever met."

"I'm still your best friend, though," James teased.

"You might not stay-" Regulus began, cutting himself off as he noticed the very top of the sun rising over the horizon. "I should go," he said, standing up, his voice a lot more calm now than it had been three seconds ago.

"Right," James replied, quietly.

Regulus began walking away, but just as he reached the first stair, he turned around and said, "Wait a couple minutes, just in case." Right, because they still couldn't be seen together.

"Sure," James mumbled, but Regulus had disappeared down the stairs by this point. James leaned back against the railing, letting out a disappointed sigh before counting out five minutes in his head.

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Remus was already awake and reading when James returned to the dorm. He gave James a weird look as he entered. "Where've you been?" he questioned. James had his excuse planned out already.

"Went out for a walk," he replied, heading towards his bed. Technically, that was kind of true. He just left out the whole part about Regulus. So no, he wasn't lying, he just wasn't telling the whole truth.

Remus seemed to know this, because he gave James another look before returning his attention to his book, but he didn't say anything else. Thank you for not questioning me, James thought, flopping down on his bed and falling asleep within minutes to the sound of turning pages and Peter's light snoring.

Chapter Text

"Are you sure this has to be the arrangement?" James complained on the train ride home. "Like, you've all come to mine every other Christmas break! Why does this one have to be different?"

"Sorry, mate." Peter smiled ruefully from across the train car. "Mum wants our whole family to visit France this year. Can't get out of it, even if I wanted to."

"And my parents want me home for Christmas this year," Remus explained. "They said I could only bring one friend along, and Pads got to it first." He sent a sideways apologetic smile at James, and Sirius bit back a smirk. "Sorry, Prongs."

James sighed, looking back out the window. This was the first Christmas they'd be separated, and James was disappointed. Peter's excuse was genuine, he couldn't have gotten out of a trip to France. It was a family thing. But James couldn't help but be a little annoyed at Remus and Sirius. The two of them had always had a different bond than they had with James and Peter, and it seemed like they spent more time together than they spent with anyone else. It had only gotten more noticeable as the Marauders had gotten older. Now, it was common for Remus and Sirius to disappear between classes or on weekends to Merlin knows where. James had always found this a bit odd, as Remus usually was not one to pick favorites, and Sirius usually told James everything about everything. However, James was told nothing about this, but he didn't question it. He didn't want to assume anything and be wrong about it. That would make things awkward. So, he said nothing.

He made the most of his friend group being together for the rest of the train ride, but soon enough, they arrived at King's Cross Station. And they separated, for the first time ever over Christmas break. It felt weird walking to greet his mother alone, without Sirius laughing at some random people, Peter ranting off the most random facts about trains, and Remus just rolling his eyes at both of them. James had taken moments like that for granted, since he thought there would never be a Christmas without the Marauders there by his side. He'd always have his best friends with him... forever, right?

Maybe forever wasn't a word made to describe friendship... not even the Marauders.

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The first few days of break passed by uneventfully for James. It was quiet in the Potter home, which was unusual for Christmastime. James hated it. The ghosts of Sirius, Peter, and Remus' presences lurked in every corner, and James couldn't help but think that his home felt hollow without them there. Christmas wasn't Christmas without the Marauders.

James had owled letters to all three of his friends, along with their gifts, but, by the evening of Christmas day, hadn't received anything back. The sun had just set over the horizon, and James sat, alone, in the living room, staring out the window. He was bored. He had been since he got home. There was no Sirius to laugh with, no Remus to bother, and no Peter to play chess with. There was no one there to help him hide the cups from Euphemia in the kitchen, or to steal Fleamont's copy of the Daily Prophet. There was no one there to have indoor snowball fights with wrapping paper, or to have real snowball fights in the yard.

Was this the start of the Marauders growing apart? No, it couldn't be... James was just being overdramatic. These were his best friends since first year he was talking about. This was Remus, Sirius, and Peter... Moony, Padfoot, and Wormtail. The Marauders. They couldn't be growing apart. That just wasn't possible.

Suddenly, he heard a series of frantic knocks on his front door, which broke him from his thoughts about his friends. He stood up, slightly confused as to who could've been visiting at this hour, but he made his way to the door and cracked it open. He immediately recognized the black curls and pale face.

Oh, right... James had completely forgotten about Regulus. Wait... Regulus? Panic suddenly overtook James. Why was Regulus here ? He had said he was going home, hadn't he? He said he was going to be fine. No, Regulus was at his home, and he was fine. This couldn't have been Regulus... there was no way...

"Starboy?" James whispered, his voice shaking, knowing that only Regulus would know what he was talking about.

"Four-Eyes," Regulus' voice replied weakly, solidifying James' fear, and James swung the door open so fast he was surprised it didn't snap off its hinges. 

He was in no way prepared for what he saw.

Regulus looked horrible . There were dark bags under his eyes, his clothes and hair were disheveled, and the skin that James could see was covered in bruises. Regulus was only wearing pants and a light jumper, out in the snow, and he was shivering. What the hell? James wanted to cry. Why had he let Regulus go home? Why didn't he protect him? What had they done to him?

Dry tears stained Regulus' cheeks, and James' mouth dropped open. "Holy... Merlin and Morgana both, what did they do to you? Get in here," he sputtered, grabbing Regulus' wrist and pulling him inside. He bit the inside of his cheek when Regulus flinched, instinctively letting go of him. He wanted to kick himself for hurting Regulus more than he already was. "What the hell happened?" 

Regulus didn't answer, but tears flooded his eyes again. He hung his head, and James didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything, instead gently wrapping his arms around Regulus and holding him. Regulus didn't flinch this time, instead hugging back and beginning to sob into the crook of James' neck, whispering, "I'm sorry..." over and over.

By this point, both of James' parents were standing in the living room, watching, concerned. James locked eyes with his mom, silently letting her know he needed assistance, as he carded his fingers through Regulus' hair in an attempt to calm him. "Hey, hey..." he whispered, holding Regulus close. "Hey, Starboy... you're okay, you're safe here. I promise, everything's going to be okay. I'm here."

Regulus said something that sounded like, "Nothing's ever going to be okay again," through his tears and sharp breaths. James' pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. He just held Regulus against himself for as long as the Slytherin needed, letting Regulus cry it out.

After what seemed like forever, Regulus pulled away, sniffling and wiping his eyes with his sleeve. James' hand never left Regulus' shoulder. Euphemia and Fleamont approached, with the same gentleness James had. They asked him his name, and where he had come from, and their voices were so kind. Regulus seemed overwhelmed, and James wanted to help. He hated seeing Regulus like this, but he didn't know what to do. He prayed that just being by his side was enough.

Euphemia and Fleamont lead Regulus to the living room, coaxing him onto the couch. James never left his side, and he could tell that Regulus was grateful for it. The Slytherin held James' hand tight, like a lifeline, as Euphemia tried to mend some of his wounds with her wand. It didn't work, though. The bruises stayed prominent on the Slytherin's pale skin, purple and ugly. "Dark magic," Euphemia muttered, her voice serious. "Regulus, what did they do to give you these bruises?"

Regulus' hand spasmed, and James squeezed it reassuringly. "Cruciatus curse," the Slytherin replied weakly. James inhaled sharply, and Euphemia sighed. How could they do that to a 15 year old boy?

"As I figured..." Euphemia whispered. "Monty, call for Dumbledore."

Regulus froze, his fingers tightening around James'. James moved closer to Regulus. "Mum, I don't think-" he began.

"Dumbledore is one of the wisest wizards alive. He will know what to do. It's for Regulus' own safety," Euphemia cut him off. James turned, locking eyes with Regulus. Finally, the Slytherin nodded.

Euphemia stood and left them alone, joining Fleamont in the kitchen. When he was sure she was out of earshot, Regulus whispered, "Stay with me?"

James smiled in return. "Always, Starboy."

Chapter Text

Dumbledore arrived at the Potters' home minutes later. Regulus had only just calmed down, and seeing the headmaster made him freak out all over again. He never once let go of James' hand, holding it so tight his knuckles were white, as if James was going anywhere. 

Dumbledore greeted Euphemia and Fleamont, who explained the situation in more detail, before sitting down in the chair on the other side of the coffee table from where James and Regulus were. He nodded in their direction, mumbling, "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black," in greeting as he did.

"So, Mr. Black, I would like to ask some questions," the headmaster continued, either not noticing or not caring that Regulus' breathing was uneven and that he looked like a deer in headlights. James gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Euphemia has already explained to me that you were cursed with a Cruciatus curse before you arrived here. Could you explain to me why that happened?"

"I..." Regulus began.

"Please try to recount every detail. This is important," Dumbledore interrupted. James almost glared at him. For a headmaster of a school, he really was insensitive. Could he not see how overwhelmed Regulus looked? Or did he not even care? Either way, it was incredibly rude.

Regulus nodded, his breath shaking. He took a moment to collect himself before speaking. "As you probably know, there is an arising Dark Lord, who wishes to kill muggles and succeed in pureblood domination." Dumbledore hummed. "Well, my family is on board with his ideas, and welcomed him into my house right around the time I arrived back from Hogwarts for Christmas break. And while no one personally introduced me to him, or vice versa, I overheard some conversations between my parents, members from a few other pureblood families, and this Dark Lord. They were discussing who to recruit for their side, and I heard my name mentioned quite a few times."

James inhaled sharply. Dumbledore calmly asked, "They wished to brand you with the dark mark?"

"Precisely," Regulus answered. "Believe me when I say that I do not agree with the Dark Lord's ideas and plans. Not even a little bit. It's cruel, what he believes, and what he wants to do. So, earlier this evening, during dinner, they brought up the whole plan for me to get the dark mark, and..." Regulus' voice began to crack.

"They cursed you because you refused, didn't they? And then you got out and escaped here, right?" James interrupted. Regulus didn't answer.

"Silence, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore demanded. "Mr. Black, show me your arm."

"No, Professor!" James cried, standing up and turning to look at Regulus. The Slytherin's eyes became glossy, like he was about to start crying again. "He doesn't have the mark! How dare you assume he took it!"

"Silence, Mr. Potter," the headmaster repeated, slower this time. "Mr. Black. Your arm."

Regulus let go of James' hand so he could roll his sleeve up, despite James' arguments. However, James shut right up when he saw the ugly, black snake winding around Regulus' pale, bruised arm. His mouth fell open as Regulus began to cry. Dumbledore let out a disappointed sigh. 

"I said no, I refused to take it, I really did..." Regulus blubbered through his tears. "But the pain... the curse... it was too much... I had to..."

"Oh, Starboy..." James breathed, tears threatening to escape his eyes as well. He sat down again, hugging Regulus tight around the shoulders. Dumbledore was deep in thought.

"I didn't want it, you know I didn't..." Regulus sobbed, leaning into James. James didn't let go of him, and he never wanted to again. He wanted to hold him tight and keep him safe from anything that ever tried to hurt him. If the Dark Lord even so much as looked at him again, James would kill him.

"I must discuss this with Euphemia and Fleamont," Dumbledore announced, standing from his chair and disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Regulus crying in James' arms for the second time that night.

Minutes later, Euphemia emerged from the kitchen to let James and Regulus know that it was late, and that they should probably start getting ready for bed. Dumbledore would be staying the night in their guest room, she told them, and they would reconvene about this issue in the morning. 

"Wait, mum," James called as Euphemia turned towards the kitchen again. "If Professor Dumbledore is staying in our guest room, where is Regulus staying?"

"I suppose he'll have to stay in your room, dear," she replied tiredly, heading back into the kitchen.

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After Regulus showered, he seemed to have calmed down from his previous state. However, that brought a different problem to the attention of both of the boys. Regulus didn't have any clothes to wear, other than the ones he'd shown up in. Hesitantly, he came into James' room with only a towel wrapped around his waist, and asked quietly, "Do you have any clothes I could borrow?"

James was obviously not expecting to see Regulus shirtless, and inhaled sharply as his eyes landed on the boy. "Um.. uh, yeah, let me grab some," he stuttered, trying to ignore how attractive Regulus was, regardless of bruises that peppered his skin. Regulus gave him a weird look, which James chose to ignore. He chose an old Quidditch shirt and some sweatpants from his closet, both of which were definitely going to be big on Regulus, but it was the best he could do. As James handed the clothes off, he desperately tried not to look at Regulus, but failed. 

Even though he was incredibly skinny, Regulus had abs, probably from Quidditch. His skin looked smooth and soft, despite the bruises. James weirdly wanted to feel it, to see if it felt as soft as it looked... but he dismissed that thought as soon as he thought it. That was weird, wasn't it? As soon as Regulus was out of earshot, James let out an embarrassed sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Regulus was his best friend's younger brother, and a close friend of his own. What had come over him? He blamed the insane turn of events that had taken place that night. All the emotions were getting to his head. Yes. That's what it was.

He began to focus his attention into setting up his bed. He had searched all over the house for a sleeping bag, but hadn't found one. He didn't trust himself to transfigure anything, and he couldn't ask anyone. His parents were probably already asleep, and he was not about to ask Dumbledore. Besides, what's the worst that could happen, sharing a bed with Regulus? It was just for tonight, until Dumbledore left and Regulus could have the guest room. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Friends slept together all the time. Remus and Sirius did it all the time back at Hogwarts. James was making a big deal out of nothing.

Regulus returned a minute later, his hair still damp. He was wearing James' Quidditch shirt and, James decided, he looked good in red. Neither one of them mentioned their previous interaction, and James was thankful for that.

Once they were both tucked into bed, James turned to face Regulus and asked, "You okay?"

Regulus paused. "Not exactly," he replied softly. "This definitely wasn't how I wanted Christmas break to go."

James pursed his lips. "But hey, look at the bright side. You're safe now. I told you my doors were always open, and no one's going to hurt you here."

"I guess," Regulus replied, smiling sadly. "But that ugly thing's going to be on my arm forever now. It's not just any normal tattoo. And, no one's going to trust me anymore. I'm one of them."

"You're not though," James argued. "You didn't want it. You were forced."

"Tell that to my brother, and the whole rest of the world." Regulus paused again, and his eyes widened. "Oh shit , what's Sirius going to say about this?"

"I don't know."

Regulus shifted so that he was laying on his back, and staring up at the ceiling. The conversation ended after that. James listened to Regulus' breathing until it was steady and calm, and he knew Regulus was asleep. He couldn't help but smile when his eyes fell on Regulus again. He looked pretty when he slept, too. He looked peaceful.

"Goodnight, Starboy," James whispered into the nothingness, closing his eyes knowing there wouldn't be an answer.

Chapter Text

When James woke up, the first thing he noticed was that either he or Regulus had moved sometime during their sleep, because their position had changed drastically since the previous night. He found Regulus curled up under his arm and pressed right against his body, and he found himself basically spooning Regulus. His face flushed instantly. Fighting against his first instincts, he didn't make any sudden movements or sounds, instead gently pulling himself away from Regulus so he wouldn't disturb the Slytherin, who was still peacefully asleep. 

He somehow managed to climb over Regulus without waking him, and made his way to the bathroom to shower. Minutes later, when he returned, Regulus was awake, sitting up on the bed and stretching like a cat.

"Morning, Starboy," James smiled, pulling his shirt over his head. "Sleep well?"

"Well enough," Regulus replied, his voice husky. "You kick in your sleep, you know that?"

"Oh, shut it, I do not." James rolled his eyes. He decided not to mention the fact that they'd basically been cuddling when he had woken up. Regulus didn't need to know that.

"Do too," Regulus argued, pulling himself from the bed. "I could barely sleep because of it!"

Yeah, and you definitely weren't sleeping literally in my arms , James thought. Why did he keep thinking about that? It wasn't even that big of a deal... it was just an accident. Regulus would've hexed him if he knew, so why did James keep obsessing over it? He had no idea.

"Sure," James replied, not saying anything he was thinking. "Anyway, my mum's probably made breakfast, and I'm sure Dumbledore would like to speak with you."

"I look a mess," was Regulus' instant response. No you don't , James thought, but didn't dare say it out loud. "I'm not talking to Dumbledore looking like this. Give me 5 minutes." He glanced down at his shirt. "And I need to borrow more clothes."

"I have a bunch. Take anything you want," James replied. "I'll meet you by the stairs when you're ready, okay?" Regulus nodded, and chose an old black sweatshirt and sweatpants, both of which James knew were going to be huge on him. Anything James owned was going to be big on Regulus, the damn twig. But James wasn't complaining. Regulus looked as good in baggy clothes as he did in anything else, and seeing POTTER written across the back of the shirt Regulus wore to sleep made James grin to himself.

Just about 5 minutes later, Regulus exited the bathroom wearing the new clothes. James could immediately tell that he'd brushed his hair, and had probably washed his face. It didn't even matter, though. He'd looked pretty before, and he looked pretty now.

Since when was pretty a word James had so casually used to describe Regulus? Well, sure, Regulus had always been kind of pretty, but James would never admit that to anyone. Why was he now openly thinking that? 

He had so many questions about Regulus, and about his strange feelings. But now wasn't the time to answer them. Now, they had to prepare to talk to Dumbledore.

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Euphemia was in the kitchen, flipping flapjacks, and Fleamont sat in the living room reading The Daily Prophet. It seemed like a normal morning to James, except Regulus walked down the stairs behind him, and Dumbledore sat at one end of the dining table, fiddling with his wand. It didn't seem so normal anymore.

"Good morning, boys," Fleamont greeted them as they passed through the living room. They both returned greetings to him, and made their way to the dining table where Dumbledore sat. Euphemia joined them moments later, a large plate of flapjacks in her hand. 

"Take as many as you want," she said, mainly to Regulus. "Albus, would you like anything?"

"No, thank you, Euphemia," Dumbledore replied, his voice wise as ever. "I'll be on my way just after I talk to Mr. Black about his... situation."

Regulus swallowed. James wanted to reach out and grab his hand, but didn't want to make Regulus uncomfortable. He fiddled with his own hands in his lap.

"So, Mr. Black," Dumbledore began. "Because of the arising problems that the Dark Lord is causing, and because you have been marked, I have come to the conclusion that it is unsafe for you to return to Hogwarts."

"What?" James and Regulus exclaimed at the same time, looking at Dumbledore with identical shocked expressions.

"There could be threats... for everyone, really... but especially for you," the headmaster explained. "He tried to recruit you, and you ran away. He will view that as betrayal, and, if I'm not mistaken, will want you dead." Regulus inhaled. "I believe that it will be safer for you to stay hidden."

"Where will I go instead?" Regulus asked quietly.

"Well, Euphemia and Fleamont were kind enough to offer their home as a safe haven for you, until further notice," Dumbledore said. James and Regulus looked at each other. "As for your schoolwork, Euphemia will give you lessons as best she can. It is not the ideal situation, but it is for your own safety, Mr. Black. My only goal here is to keep everyone alive and safe, but with a war blossoming, I hardly think that will be possible. However, it will be safer for you here than Hogwarts.

"We have put apparition barriers and other magical boundaries around this house to keep you safe. However, they are not everywhere, so you can't leave this area without proper protection. I would recommend not leaving at all, but if it's absolutely necessary, precautions must be taken. I have already discussed these precautions with Euphemia and Fleamont. They will explain the rest, as I must leave soon. I have much work to do."

Dumbledore stood, muttering, "Good day," to both Regulus and James. He said his farewells to Euphemia and Fleamont in the living room, before exiting the house. James and Regulus looked at each other. 

"You're staying here?" James asked. 

"Apparently," Regulus mumbled.

"I mean... I suppose that's better, since you're safe here, but still..." 

"I'm going to feel weird being here with your parents without... you..." Regulus said. 

"We can write?" James suggested.

"I guess..." Regulus looked away. "But it won't be the same."

"I know..." James mumbled. "Better than nothing, though?"

Regulus nodded gently, an unreadable expression on his face. Well, this was unexpected , James thought. He didn't really have any idea what Dumbledore was going to do for Regulus, but whatever he'd been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. He knew Regulus was on the same page, since they both had the same reaction.

"Well, we still have a couple more days left until school, yeah?" James said. "Let's try to make them count before I have to go back."

"No more Astronomy Tower talks every night," Regulus pointed out sadly. "I'll miss those."

Memories from their last Astronomy Tower talk before winter break flew through James' mind.

"Thank Merlin," Regulus had said. "I won't have to hear you talk your mouth off about Quidditch every night. Finally."

"Hey!" James had replied. "I thought you liked talking about Quidditch with me!"

"I never said that. You're actually quite annoying, my dear James," Regulus joked.

Look at him now. Disappointed, when he'd been joking about how annoying James was only days prior. Oh, the difference such a little bit of time could make.

Maybe Regulus would've acted differently if he knew that would be the last Astronomy Tower talk for the foreseeable future.

That fact hit James a lot harder than he was expecting.

Well, James knew there was going to have to be a last one eventually. He just didn't expect it to be so soon. He still had the rest of sixth year and all of seventh year at Hogwarts, and yeah, he would've liked to continue having the Astronomy Tower talks with his Starboy. That's how they met, and how they became as close as they were now. To think that they were done wasn't a very happy thought. They were a nice part of James' daily life at Hogwarts. If he had his way, they would've continued until the day he graduated.

But no. They were over now, for who knows how long. Maybe forever, as much as James hated to think that. And it was all because of the stupid Dark Lord.

Chapter Text

The next few days, in James' opinion, were far better than the days before Christmas. Now that Regulus was here, James actually had someone to spend time with, instead of just sitting by himself and staring out the window.

They went outside a lot, using James' spare brooms to play seekers games with the snitch James had gotten from a professional Quidditch game when he was 8. Regulus always won, since he was actually a seeker. James was a chaser, and therefore wasn't as good at locating the small, golden ball as Regulus was. 

Regulus was a good flier. He was fast, and he moved smoothly through the air. He always caught up with the snitch, just as he usually did in the real Quidditch games he played in for Slytherin. He was a good seeker. James had never really noticed that before. Well, sure, he knew that Regulus had to be an okay seeker, because Slytherin won the majority of their games (except against Gryffindor. Gryffindor always beat Slytherin, no matter what Regulus did). But James had never thought too hard about it. He seemed to now. And it was during these games that James found new, little details about Regulus, like how his nose was always pink after he flew, or how he sometimes stuck his tongue out when he flew after the snitch. These were little things. Little things James had never noticed before, either because he didn't look close enough to notice or because he just didn't care. Now, though, he seemed to care. And now, he noticed. Always.

When they weren't playing Quidditch, they played chess inside. Just like in their seekers games, Regulus always won. No matter what James did, he just couldn't win. Regulus knew how to counteract everything, and always ended up winning, every time. His excuse was that chess was "the only game we had in the house" when he was growing up, and James had just rolled his eyes as he lost again. Did Regulus have to be good at everything ? 

Outside of the Quidditch games, James began noticing random things about Regulus that he hadn't bothered to pay attention to or hadn't had the chance to learn before. Like the fact that Regulus was left-handed. Or that he always smelled like peppermint. Or that, whenever he borrowed jewelry from Euphemia, it was always silver. Or that when Regulus walked down the stairs, or just around in general, James could rarely hear his footsteps. It was almost like he floated when he walked, moving around silently. James thought Regulus would make a great prankster, since he'd be able to sneak around and not be heard. Sadly, Regulus didn't seem like the type to enjoy pranking people. Shame. They could've pulled some great pranks on Euphemia and Fleamont.

James also noticed that Regulus seemed to have a fascination with muggle books. The Potters only had a few in their house, but Regulus seemed very interested in them. James heard him talking to Euphemia on multiple occasions about these books, and expressing just how much he wanted to read them. He was especially interested in Euphemia's collection of classic muggle works, such as William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and others. For as long as James could remember, Euphemia had always loved muggle authors, especially Shakespeare. This was proven by the fact that the Potters' family owl was named Puck, after a character from one of Shakespeare's works.

A Midsummer Night's Dream , James believed it was called, but he had never read it. He was never really the reading type, but Regulus was the complete opposite. Less than a day after he had gotten his hands on the book, it was finished, and Regulus was hungry for another. Euphemia was happy to supply. James thought that Regulus liking reading as much as he did was admirable. Also, James had never heard anyone talk about anything the Regulus talked about books. He spoke with so much love and passion, and James could tell just from his voice how much Regulus liked reading. Hell, the way he talked about books made James want to read one of them, and James barely ever read anything unless he had to.

Another thing James noticed was that, even though Regulus was supposed to sleep in the guest room now that Dumbledore was gone, he always ended up back in James' bed by morning. Some time, in the middle of the night, Regulus would appear in James' room, saying he had nightmares about the Dark Lord or his dark mark or something similar, and James would always, without hesitation, let him into his bed. And in the morning, Regulus would always still be there, tucked safely under James' arm. However, James always woke up first in the morning, and when he found himself cuddling Regulus, which he always was, he changed their position before Regulus woke up, just in case the Slytherin wasn't comfortable with it. Cuddling or not, James felt happy that Regulus found comfort in him, and he felt comfort in having Regulus there. He felt horrible knowing that, sooner or later, he'd have to return to Hogwarts and leave Regulus alone with no one to sleep with him or comfort him. Hopefully the letters would be enough until James returned home for Easter break.

Regulus and James had many discussions, too, most of which turned into debates, stubborn as they both were. They talked about their favorite Quidditch teams, and who they thought were the best – Regulus' favorite was Puddlemere United, and James' was the Holyhead Harpies (they debated about this a lot ). They talked about their favorite classes and professors – Regulus' was potions with Slughorn, and James' was transfigurations with McGonagall (not because he liked transfigurations, but because McGonagall was his favorite professor). They talked about their favorite colors (Regulus' was green, James' was red), their favorite animals (Regulus' was cats, James' was stags), and their favorite food (Regulus' was some fancy thing that James couldn't even pronounce, and James' was anything his mum made). They disagreed on all of it. 

There was only one thing that they agreed on, and it was their favorite constellation. Both of them had said Leo, but for different reasons; James because it was a lion, and Regulus because the star he was named for was in that constellation. The heart of it, to be exact. James found it hilarious that there was only one thing out of everything in the world that they could agree on. And yet... they were still close friends. It didn't make sense to James, but somehow it worked, and he was glad about that. He was happy he had Regulus, and he could tell Regulus felt the same.

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Finally, New Year's Eve rolled around. Usually, the Potters would host some of Euphemia and Fleamont's friends for a New Years party, and this year wasn't any different. Well, not for them, at least. It was for James. Usually, he had Sirius, Remus, and Peter there to keep him company. To prank random people at the party. To scream and bang pots and light off small fireworks with their wands at midnight, even if underaged magic was illegal outside of Hogwarts. It was New Years, and it was supposed to be fun. Only this year, it would be different. 

This year, however, James had Regulus, so at least he wouldn't be totally alone. But, as much as he enjoyed Regulus' company, there would always be an emptiness in James that only the Marauders could fill. They were his best friends, his brothers almost, and they had been since he was 11 years old. James had a connection with them that he'd never have with anyone else, not even Regulus. They were his favorite people.

But, if he had to choose anyone in the world to be second, he'd probably choose Regulus.

Chapter Text

The Potters' New Years Eve party was to begin at 8. Euphemia and Fleamont spent a lot of the day getting ready to host a whole bunch of people, as well as going out to buy some things. James and Regulus spent the last day of 1976 doing what they normally did – playing Quidditch, playing chess, and debating about stuff. Regulus even got James to read a chapter of a book, which was a serious accomplishment. James could never sit still but, when persuaded enough by Regulus, he did. 

Never again, though. He despised sitting still, regardless of how happy Regulus was that he was reading.

It was one of Regulus' favorite books, too. A Muggle one. Pride and Prejudice .

Then, like always, they started arguing. This time, it was about whether or not it's worth the time to read a book. And somehow that led to them debating over how long a typical book takes to write. And that lead to a conversation over whether or not authors were fucked in the head because of their ability to be able to create a completely different universe and then write it down on paper. Both of them said yes. There! Another thing they agreed on!

So far, they agreed that Leo was the best constellation, and that authors were fucked in the head. Interesting.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Usually, James loved parties. He was the life of every Quidditch win afterparty or anything at school, really. But he hated this one. All he'd really done was stand around and greet old people he hardly knew. By 8:30, he'd already lost count of how many people told him, "You've grown so much!" or "The last time I saw you, you were just a baby!" He just had to stand there and nod awkwardly, waiting for the first chance he could get to sneak away with Regulus.

That chance finally came, at around 9pm, an hour after the party began. James and Regulus slipped away from everyone, and snuck up the stairs and to James' room. Somehow, James had managed to sneak two bottles of butterbeer from downstairs, and decided it was time for him and Regulus to have their own celebration.

The hours passed by, as Regulus and James drank and talked and laughed. Regulus told James about his closest friends from Slytherin, Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr., and in return, James told Regulus stories about the Marauders and their many hilarious pranks. James had never seen Regulus smile as much or heard him laugh as much as he did that night, not in his entire time knowing the Slytherin. But, James decided, he liked seeing Regulus like this. Regulus deserved to be happy, just as much as anyone, especially after what he'd gone through on Christmas. And, not to mention... he looked pretty when he smiled.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"... So, Flitwick gave Evan detention for that, of course. And that's when Barty shoved the whole bloody desk down, and he got detention too!" Regulus exclaimed, his smile wide, and James laughed. "God, when I tell you those two would murder –"

"Shh! Shut up! It's 11:55!" James interrupted him, glancing at the clock on his wall. He swung the empty butterbeer bottle between his fingers. He was a little tipsy from the drink, and he could tell Regulus was too. The Slytherin was being a bit jittery. "Merlin, 1976 ends in five minutes."

"I'm kind of... nervous for 1977," Regulus muttered. "You know, with this whole war starting and all..." He glanced down at his arm, the black tattoo clear as day on his pale skin. "I can't help but think something bad is going to happen."

"Hey," James spoke softly, reaching to rest his hand over Regulus'. Regulus smiled. "You'll be okay, alright? That's why you're here. You're safe. Don't worry. And if anything happens, write to me. And... don't be afraid of my parents. Now that you're here, they'll love you like one of their own. It happens with all my friends. They'll never judge you, I swear. They offer a kind smile over a mean word every time."

"Just like you," Regulus replied, moving his hand so their fingers intertwined. James smiled back uncontrollably.

"Try not to think about the war right now, okay, Starboy?" James said, his voice just above a whisper. "I want to end my 1976 on a happy note."

"Okay," Regulus whispered back, a small smile still etched on his lips.

There was only about 3 minutes left until midnight now, until 1977. James stood from his bedroom floor, pulling Regulus up with him. Going on the small bit of roof right outside James' window had been a tradition for the Marauders since they had become friends. That's where they would set off fireworks from their wands and scream into the dark nothingness of midnight. But, James decided, he could take Regulus out here too. Traditions change sometimes. He supposed this was one of them.

James opened the window, and they stepped through, being careful not to fall off the slightly slanted roof. The only light up here was coming from the moon. The winter air nipped at James' skin, cold as stone. The only part of his body that stayed warm was his hand, which still held Regulus' tight.

Regulus' eyes rose to the sky, and on display were countless beautiful, shimmering stars. Regulus looked at them like they were the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on... the same way James seemed to be looking at Regulus now. And then, Regulus' eyes returned from the heavens and found James', locking with them. James could've drowned in those eyes... no, actually, he was drowning in them. The chill of the winter sky seemed to vanish, and he was embraced by the sea foam. He was suffocating, losing himself in those eyes, and oh ... those eyes... Those eyes as grey as thunderclouds, and as bright as all the stars in the sky. Those eyes prettier than the cosmos, and deeper than the Pacific Ocean, pulling him in... in... and under...

Drowning.

They pulled him in like the cold, cruel undertow of the sea, showing him no mercy and no sign of release. The echoes of guests from inside the house counting down from 10 seemed to come from a million miles away. James felt as if he were stuck underwater, only hearing the muffled sounds of everyone else, forgetting the world as he slipped away silently.

Drowning.

He couldn't get enough... those beautiful eyes pulled him in deeper... deeper... closer... All the air left his lungs and he felt helpless.

Drowning.

The clock struck 12, and the new year began. James was unsure of which one of them moved in first, but it didn't matter. He found his lips against Regulus', and there was nowhere else he'd rather be but here, falling away from the world and being pulled under by the waves.

Drowning.

Chapter Text

The next thing James remembered was waking up in his bed the next morning, his head throbbing. He expected to feel the warmth of his Starboy next to him, as he had for the past couple days, but Regulus was not in James' bed this morning. It felt empty without him there.

James wasn't looking forward to getting used to waking up alone again when he went back to Hogwarts. And, oh shit... he left to go back to school tomorrow. And he wouldn't see Regulus again until Easter break. But then... wait, Regulus... a thought crossed his mind. No, not a thought. A memory.

The concept of kissing Regulus, to James, sounded so foreign, so impossible... like something pulled straight from the depths of the fiction stories that Regulus loved to read. It wasn't real, and it would never be. It was just words on a page... a scenario that happened, but didn't.

Except, he had kissed Regulus. And Regulus had kissed him back. That had been real life, not just one of Regulus' books. He couldn't have just made up the softness of Regulus' lips against his own, or how insanely and unbelievably gentle the kiss had been. That had happened, James hadn't just made it up. He couldn't have. He didn't have the fucked up author brain that he and Regulus agreed about. He could barely write a transfigurations essay, much less a romantic kiss scene in a book.

Why he had kissed Regulus, he didn't know. He blamed it on the butterbeer.

Now, speaking of Regulus... where the hell was he? This had been the first night since he arrived at the Potters' that he hadn't slept in James' bed. That's all James knew. He, for the god damn life of him, could not remember anything after the kiss. He didn't remember coming back inside, he didn't remember getting into bed, and he didn't remember where Regulus went. Or when he left, for that matter. For all James knew, he could've come to bed with James and left in the middle of the night. Or, maybe he never came into James' bed at all, and freaked out right after the kiss, like James might've if his mind wasn't so tipsy from the butterbeer. James knew that if neither of them had drank the previous night, the kiss would've never happened. If they had been thinking straight, which they clearly hadn't been, they would not have done something so stupid. Regulus was right to freak out, if that's what he did, but who knew, really? James surely didn't.

He just decided to forget. He would act like that kiss didn't happen, and maybe, if he acted well enough, he would convince himself it didn't. Why would he do this? First of all, because he had zero idea how to bring it up to Regulus. What was he expected to do? Walk right up to him and say, Hey, we kissed. What the fuck does that mean for us? Uh, no thank you. That would be awkward as hell, and also... there was no us. Regulus and James? That had to've been the most unlikely thing to ever exist.

Also, this was Sirius' little brother James was talking about. His best friend's little brother. Sirius would probably stop talking to him if he knew James had kissed Regulus. If there was an us between them, if something real happened... oh, James wouldn't even live to see Easter break. So... that left one option.

And that was to forget.

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James found Regulus in the guest room, freshly showered and wearing one of James' old Holyhead Harpies T-shirts. It was still giant on him... honestly, he might as well have been wearing a short dress. James found that amusing, and even a bit adorable. Regulus had been reading Pride and Prejudice again, and began explaining to James what was going on.

They didn't talk about the kiss.

Regulus, like James, seemed to be pretending it didn't even happen at all. The Slytherin was doing a good job at it, too... acting like nothing had changed. James was, as well. But he was acting. Why was it so hard to stop thinking about something you were trying to forget? He was beyond thankful that Regulus wasn't a mind reader, and that no one could see his thoughts. Because the one thing that kept repeating in James mind was that one moment he was trying to forget, trying to ignore. But fuck, it just wouldn't go away.

This was going to be a lot harder than he was expecting.

Really, though... it shouldn't have been this hard. It was just a kiss, damn it. With Regulus, of all people. James wouldn't have cared this much if he had kissed someone else, so what was different about Regulus? What was different about their kiss that kept him thinking about it, regardless of how hard he tried to forget? James didn't know.

But since Regulus was acting normal, James did too. Regulus mentioned nothing of the previous night, and so he didn't either. He just listened to Regulus explaining whatever was going on in his Muggle book, though he didn't understand any of it. But hey, at least it gave his mind something else to focus on other than the overbearing thought of the stupid kiss.

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James spent most of that day packing to leave for Hogwarts tomorrow. He had to be at King's Cross Station by 11am to catch the train, so Euphemia wisely suggested that he get his packing done today instead of trying to rush it tomorrow morning. He didn't have much to pack in the first place, but it took him such a long time because Regulus, the little prat, kept coming into his room and distracting him.

Not that James was complaining, though. It was the last full day they'd spend together until mid-March, when James came home for Easter break.

The realization that there would be no more nighttime visits to the Astronomy Tower hit James harder than he would've expected. Seeing Regulus every night and talking until dawn had become such a normal part of his routine at Hogwarts. What was he going to do without Regulus there? It didn't help that he'd been spoiled with the chance to see Regulus all day, every day for the entire week since Christmas. It was going to be hard to adjust to Hogwarts without him there.

Yes, he admitted it. James was going to miss Regulus.

That wasn't a bad thing, though. Was it?

Chapter Text

Maybe it was a bad thing.

At 10:45am sharp the next morning, Euphemia and James were leaving the Potter household so they could get to King's Cross Station in time for James to catch the train back to Hogwarts. And James didn't want to leave.

Only days ago, he couldn't wait to return to Hogwarts again. He couldn't wait to see Sirius and Remus and Peter after so long apart. He couldn't wait to play pranks on the professors and the students, as he and his friends usually did. He couldn't wait for them to be the Marauders again. But now... he didn't want to go.

It wasn't because he didn't want to see the rest of the Marauders. He desperately wanted to see them again. He missed them, as he had since the first day of Christmas break. However, that was before Regulus came into the picture. That was before James spent half of Christmas break playing Quidditch and reading and arguing with this Slytherin, who he never expected to be friends with, but was so glad he was. 

So, maybe it wasn't that he didn't want to leave. Maybe he just wished Regulus was coming with him.

Even if he knew they wouldn't talk as much at school, and their social time would be, once again, limited to the nighttime Astronomy Tower talks, James thought that would be enough. At least he'd get to see Regulus on a daily basis.

If only there wasn't a war starting, and if only Regulus wasn't marked. 

But there was a war starting, and Regulus was marked. There was nothing James could do about that, as much as he wanted to. He believed Regulus should have the chance to go back to school, not only so James could see him, but also so he could continue his studies. Regulus was smart... really smart. The only person James knew who was smarter than Regulus was Remus. And, at the tender age of 15, and with the intelligence that Regulus possessed, he should be continuing his education. Sure, Euphemia home-schooling him would be better than nothing, but it still wasn't the same as Hogwarts. And the Dark Lord was to blame for that.

James would've strangled the Dark Lord, if he could've. Not only for forcing Regulus to hide away for his own safety, but also for ruining his education. Regulus was 15 . A child. No one should have to deal with this at all, especially not at such a young age. Regulus should be studying. He should be at school laughing and having fun and playing Quidditch. The only thing he should be hiding from was his friends in a game of hide and seek, not a Dark Lord in a game of life or death.

It was unfair. Regulus was so young. And there was nothing James could do about it.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

James tried to stretch his goodbyes to his father and Regulus as long as he could. He hugged Fleamont first, and then made his way to Regulus. James wasn't expecting a hug from Regulus, as the Slytherin had never been a touchy person (minus the kiss, which James still , after more than a day, could not get out of his head). So, naturally, he was surprised when Regulus reached for him and embraced him gently, resting his chin on James' shoulder. God, did everything with Regulus have to be so gentle? First the kiss, now this? 

For a boy who looked like he had thunderstorms in his eyes, Regulus really was as gentle as the morning rain.

James hugged him back, whispering goodbye so quietly it was hardly even there. As unusual as receiving a hug from Regulus was, it felt... oddly right, for reasons James would never know. And when they separated, Regulus smiled softly, just as softly as he kissed. And James felt the incredibly sudden urge to kiss him again, right there in his living room, in front of his parents. For no reason at all.

He didn't go through with it, of course. He was supposed to be forgetting about the first kiss, not wanting a second. What was going on with him? Or rather, what had been going on with him for the past week, since Regulus arrived at his home? Ever since Christmas, James had gotten sudden urges to kiss Regulus and began thinking that the bastard was pretty, among other things. What did it mean? This was Regulus he was talking about... Sirius' little brother. A Slytherin. And here he was, thinking and wanting the weirdest things.

If James didn't know any better, he'd think he fancied Regulus.

But that was impossible. He pushed the thought out of his mind as soon as he got it. There was just no way. Out of all the thoughts James had thought about Regulus in the past week, that one was by far the weirdest. Wasn't it normal for people to think their friends were pretty? Didn't some of them share New Year's kisses in the heat of the moment? Yes, James was sure some did. Sirius and Remus had joked about it before. Had they shared one this past New Years? James wouldn't have been surprised. See? If Sirius and Remus could share a kiss between friends, so could James and Regulus. Besides, it was just a kiss. It didn't have to mean anything.

So James should not want another. That was another question. Why did he want another one? Well, he supposed that was normal, too... They'd kissed once, so maybe he'd want to do it again just because he knew they'd done it before. A couple kisses never hurt anyone, right?

However, Euphemia and Fleamont were standing right there, and that might've been weird. They'd probably assume that something was going on if James kissed Regulus right here, in front of them. The explanation that it was just platonic probably wouldn't be enough to convince them otherwise.

So, James did not kiss Regulus on the lips.

Instead, he took Regulus' hand and lifted it up, placing a soft kiss on the top. That wasn't weird, surely, James thought. Apparently Regulus thought the same, because his smile grew, and James could've sworn he saw a slight pink tinting Regulus' pale cheeks. That could've just been a trick of the light, though.

Just before James left, Regulus said softly, "Write to me, okay?"

James turned back to him, giving him a sideways smile. "Don't worry, Starboy. I will." And that was the last thing James said before he left his home, a place he wouldn't return back to for another two and a half months.

He was already counting down the days.

Chapter Text

"So?" Euphemia asked as she and James approached the apparition point.

James paused. "So what?" 

His mother let out a chuckle and raised her eyebrows. "You and Regulus?"

James choked on his own saliva and felt his face burning up. The suddenness of her statement took him by surprise. He was expecting an "Are you excited to go back to Hogwarts?" or "Are you excited to see your friends?" or something along the lines of that. Normal going-back-to-school questions. Never in a million years would he have expected her to say something about Regulus, much less something as suggestive as assuming there was a 'him and Regulus' in the first place.

"What about us?" he replied stupidly.

"Are you, you know..." Euphemia suggested.

James let out a sigh. "No, mum... he's just a friend!" Euphemia made a face.

"He seems... different than your other friends. You seem different around him."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, it's just..." Euphemia began. "When Sirius, Remus, and Peter are over, you seem so much... wilder. You're absolutely crazy around them, playing pranks and never being quiet. Then compare that to Regulus." She paused. "You seem almost calmer around him. Sure, you two bickered a lot, but not once did you play a prank this entire break. And, not to mention... he got you to sit down and read. That is something none of your other friends could ever do, no matter how hard they tried. Hell, James... I couldn't even do that if I tried, and I'm your mother."

"I don't see how that presents the idea that Regulus and I are together."

"Well, you also just kissed his hand, which is something I've never seen you do with Sirius, Remus, Peter, or any of your other friends."

James let out a breath, the thought of New Years ricocheting through his mind again. That was another thing he'd never done with any of his friends, but he wasn't going to mention that. "Okay, so I kissed his hand. That doesn't mean we're together."

"I saw the way he was looking at you as you did it, James," Euphemia said softly. "There was absolutely nothing but pure adoration in those eyes. You know... he looks at you the same way his brother looks at Remus."

They reached the apparition point, and James held his mother's arm as they apparated, leaving behind the quiet streets of Godric's Hollow for the loud chatter of Platform 9 ¾. Puck hooted quietly from inside his cage. "If you're suggesting something's going on between Sirius and Remus, you're wrong about that too," James mumbled.

Euphemia let out a breathy laugh before pulling James into a hug. "Whatever you say. Don't forget to write."

"I won't," James replied, hugging her back. She smelled like roses. "I love you, mum."

"I love you too, my darling boy," Euphemia returned, standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you in a couple months." They parted, and James waved as he made his way towards the train.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Peter was the only one there when James entered the Marauders' usual train car. Sirius and Remus had been there at some point, as their luggage was there, but they were nowhere in sight. Peter must've noticed James' line of vision, because he explained, "Moony went to talk to Lily and Padfoot went to use the bathroom. They'll be back."

So, with his question answered, James turned to Peter and smiled, endlessly glad to see his friend again after so long apart. Peter stood from where he sat and let James hug him. "How've you been, Wormtail?" James asked after they separated.

"Been alright," Peter replied, sitting back down. James took the seat next to him. "France was beautiful, as always, but I'd have much rather spent Christmas break at yours. It was boring up there."

"Yeah, I wish you could've," James chuckled, half lying. Sure, he had missed Peter, as well as Sirius and Remus. But, on the other hand, there was Regulus. As much as he would've enjoyed having the Marauders for Christmas, he could see them anytime at school, right? They were dormmates, they went to all their classes together, and they sat together at meals. Meanwhile, while at school, James could only see Regulus at night on the Astronomy Tower because of the stupid rivalry they were supposed to have, and because of the fact that Sirius hated Regulus with every fiber of his being. And now, because of the stupid Dark Lord, James could only see Regulus on breaks. So, yes... he would've liked to host the Marauders, as he usually did for Christmas. But, he was happy that he got to spend time with Regulus, and was looking forward to Easter break when they'd see each other again.

"How was your holiday?" Peter asked. "You know, because we all weren't there?"

Before James got the chance to answer, a loud shout of, "Prongs!!" brought his attention to the other side of the train car. There was Sirius, his face as bright as the star he was named for, lunging himself right at James for a hug. Remus came in behind him, a small smile on his face and, as always, a book in his hand. 

"Hey, Pads!" James exclaimed, hugging him tightly. He looked up at Remus. "Hey, Moony. How were your holidays?"

As the train began rolling, Sirius and Remus took their seats across the car from Peter and James. For the entirety of the train ride to Hogwarts, the four of them exchanged stories of their breaks, laughing and smiling like they always used to do. They felt like the Marauders again.

Well, except for the fact that James had to cut out 75% of what had happened over his break. Regulus' location was supposed to stay a secret, even from his closest friends. There was a war going on. As much as he would've liked to tell them everything, he knew he couldn't. That could be a threat to Regulus. The less people who knew, the better. So far, it was only between James, Regulus, James' parents, Dumbledore, and probably all of the professors at Hogwarts. That was already a lot of people to keep a secret. James didn't need to add Sirius, Remus, and Peter to the list, no matter how much he trusted them. Besides, Sirius wouldn't appreciate the fact that James had willingly let his brother, someone he hated, into his home.

It felt weird, keeping secrets from his friends. They were the Marauders. They kept nothing from each other. Best friends didn't keep secrets, did they? 

Maybe sometimes they had to.

Chapter Text

The train arrived just as the sun was sinking towards the horizon, coloring the sky in pretty oranges and pinks. They would all have a little bit of time to chill and unpack in their dorms before it was time for the feast, and the Marauders spent that time greeting their other Gryffindor friends, including Marlene McKinnon, Emmeline Vance, Mary Macdonald, and Lily Evans, and exchanging stories from the holidays.

James stayed relatively quiet. He didn't want anything about Regulus to slip out and, knowing himself, if he spoke too much, something certainly would. So, he chose not to say anything at all. Nobody seemed to notice much. Remus, Marlene, and Sirius were discussing, or rather, debating about something, Mary was drawing like usual, and Emmeline and Peter seemed to be stuck in their own world. The only one who noticed was Lily. She approached him, a small smile on her face.

"Good evening, James," she greeted him, her voice soft. "How was your break?"

"Evening, Lily," James replied, smiling in return. "It was alright. Pretty boring, actually." He forced the lies off his tongue and they left a bitter taste. He hated lying to his friends, but he had to. For Regulus' sake. "Pads and Moony went to Moony's place for the holiday, and Wormtail went to France, so I was alone most of the time." Alone with a funny, smart, stupidly pretty Slytherin who's a really good kisser, now that I'm thinking about that again.

Why am I thinking about that again?

"Mine wasn't amazing, but it never is with my sister," Lily began. The conversation continued smoothly after that and, James decided, he rather liked talking to Lily. He always had. She had always been a close friend of his. She reminded him of Regulus in some ways, mostly because she seemed so gentle and quiet at first, but as you continued talking to her, she got louder and more opinionated. Just like Regulus.

Why do I keep thinking about Regulus? I literally saw him earlier today.

Just as James found himself in the midst of a discussion about the Holyhead Harpies with Lily, Remus announced that it was probably time for them to start heading to the Great Hall for the feast.

It felt nice, being with the Marauders again. He'd missed them terribly, and didn't want to live to see another Christmas without them. Not having Remus, Sirius, and Peter by his side during break felt like an empty hole in his heart. James hated feeling like a part of himself was missing.

But now that they were together again, there was another hole in James' heart. One that hadn't been there before, but was certainly there now. James could feel it, every second of every day, a part of his heart open and missing. Why?

It was still with Regulus. And, James feared, it always would be.

Since winter break, something had obviously changed between James and Regulus. James knew it was probably because of their close proximity and their ability to be around each other without having to worry about being in opposing houses or any other problems that kept them separated at school. They had seen each other every day for a week straight, and had been free to do whatever they wanted that whole time. They had been spoiled rotten. James almost wished it never even happened at all, just because of how hard it was to adjust to life without Regulus right there by his side.

Echoes of his laughter swirled around James' mind, and the ghost of his lips left a warm feeling on James' own. It had been 2 days at this point, and James still hadn't forgotten about the kiss. Just the mere thought of it still gave him butterflies, as if it had just happened. 

As much as he wanted to kick himself for not forgetting about it, he also reminded himself that remembering was normal. Kissing Regulus was something that didn't happen every day, and would never happen again, so of course James was going to think about it. It was a new experience, and a good one at that. So yes, James had logical reasons to think about it.

It was simply because it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Nothing else. He had no other feelings about it whatsoever. 

Do I?

No. Stop thinking about it.

He didn't, of course.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The feast passed by in a blur. James spent mostly the entire time rewatching memories of dinners with Regulus in his head, remembering the conversations and debates they had over the table, remembering his father laughing and his mother telling them to be quiet.

Oh, what he'd give to have one more dinner with his Starboy.

Just as the feast was wrapping up, none other than Headmaster Dumbledore stopped by the Gryffindor table, pausing over James' shoulder. "Mr. Potter," he mumbled, and James jumped. He turned around to face the headmaster, nodding in greeting. "I'd like a word after the feast is over. Meet me in my office." And then he was gone.

Across the table, Sirius laughed, "In trouble already, Prongs? We've barely been here an hour!"

Remus chuckled in response. "Must be a new record."

"I'm not in trouble, I didn't do anything!" James argued. The only possible solution he could think of was that Dumbledore wanted to talk about Regulus. James hadn't done anything that could've gotten him in trouble yet, so that was the only reasonable explanation. 

The feast was dismissed soon after, and James wandered through the lively corridors towards Dumbledore's office, preparing himself for whatever it was the headmaster wanted to talk to him about.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Professor," James greeted the headmaster. He stood in the middle of Dumbledore's office, the old man sitting at the desk. 

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore returned, nodding up at him. "I apologize for the sudden notice, but I'd like to speak to you about Mr. Black."

Called it.

"What about him, sir?" James asked.

"I have been given information about the rising Dark Lord from a reliable source," Dumbledore began. "He has some of his recruits on the hunt for Mr. Black because, like I said, his act of running away was viewed as an act of defiance and betrayal. I have also been told that a few of these recruits are students at Hogwarts, though I have no specific names. The Dark Lord, of course, assumed that Regulus would be returning to school. Smart move on his part, I must say. If Regulus had returned, he probably would be dead by now." James inhaled. 

"So, Regulus wasn't the only one he got?"

"Unfortunately not," the headmaster continued, his hand brushing through his beard. "I will be talking to your parents about this as soon as I can, but I thought you ought to know as well. James nodded. Dumbledore paused before adding, "Also, if you plan on writing to Mr. Black, you must be extra cautious. Do not say anything that will give away who you're writing to, just in case they are intercepted by the Dark Lord and his recruits. Use code words, hidden messages, whatever you must do. Obviously, as I said, you must not identify who you're writing to, and I would recommend not identifying yourself, either. I will talk to your parents about this, and I'll let them know to tell Mr. Black, too. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," James replied. Code words? What was he supposed to use? He was confused.

"You are dismissed." The headmaster stood, nodding at James. "Be careful, Mr. Potter," were the last words he muttered before James disappeared from the office and down the now-abandoned corridor, confusion still lacing his thoughts.

Chapter Text

James received his first letters about a week after returning to Hogwarts. He got two, one from his mother and one from Regulus. He read his mother's first, saving the best for last.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴,
    𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮!
    𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 "𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘺," 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘰𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩.
    𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘨 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.
    𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘳, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴. 𝘐 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦.
    𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵.
    𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭, 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯.
  𝘔𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦,
        𝘔𝘶𝘮

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

By the end of Euphemia's letter, James was smiling like an idiot. He tried desperately to get rid of it, even if he was alone in his dorm room. He knew it was pointless, though. Regulus' letter was next, and James knew that if even the mere thought of Regulus could make him smile, a letter would sure as Merlin be worse.

Slowly, he ripped open the envelope and was greeted with Regulus' stupidly perfect cursive.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

𝘍𝘰𝘶𝘳-𝘌𝘺𝘦𝘴,
    𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩. 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢, 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯. 𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶?
    𝘔𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐'𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘰𝘨𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳. 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳? 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵.
    𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘵? 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵.
    𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘨𝘰. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘐 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘐 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺. 𝘎𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦, 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦?
    𝘚𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺,
        𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘺

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"Hey, idiot, have you seen Moons anywhere?" Sirius asked him, striding into the dorm room. James shoved the letters under his pillow a little too quickly, not expecting anyone to walk in. Sirius shot him an amused look. "Hiding something from me, are you? What are they, letters from your secret lover?" he teased. James' face burned. If only Sirius knew... "Let me see!" Sirius jumped towards James' bed, almost tackling him.

James heard the paper crinkle underneath his pillow as he wrestled Sirius, and attempted to push his friend off the bed and away from the letters. But Sirius was much stronger than he looked, and being the prideful little bitch he was, he didn't give up. That was, until Remus walked out from the bathroom on the other side of the dorm, damp curls falling into his eyes. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and all of his (ridiculously attractive, even James had to admit) scars were on display. It made James wonder why he wasn't absolutely down bad for Remus like half of the school was. However, even if he wasn't, it was, in moments like these, easy to understand why a lot of others were.

Finally , Sirius gave up fighting, and James shoved him sideways off the bed. Sirius landed on the ground with a thud, his face flushing crimson with embarrassment as Remus laughed. Remus crossed the room and lifted Sirius up, laughing harder as Sirius immediately hid his face in the crook of Remus' neck. James took the moment to remove the now crinkled letters from under his pillow and stuff them in the drawer of his bedside table, hiding them under the Marauder's Map. Remus winked at him knowingly, holding Sirius so he wouldn't see.

James silently thanked Remus with a smile, and Remus nodded once in response.

Remus and Sirius parted from their embrace. Remus chuckled, and Sirius had, for whatever reason, become a stuttering, blushing mess. Probably from embarrassment, James assumed. Sirius never got embarrassed, so that's why it was rare to see him like this. Remus returned to his own bed, lifting a book from his bedside table as he made himself comfortable. Seeing Remus' book reminded James of Regulus' request from his letter.

One last thing before I go, he had written. You really should read more of Pride and Prejudice . It's a great book, I swear. I finished it the other day. I'm sure they have it at the library. Go see, would you? For me?

James considered it. He really did. Why he was, he didn't know. How had Regulus managed to make him consider wanting to read a book?

Go see, would you? For me?

And why he was strongly leaning towards going to the library to get it, he had no fucking idea. Merlin, Regulus must've put a spell on him or something. Yes, that was it. Regulus did something to him. Because since when did James Potter want to read something?

For me?

Finally, he gave in, lifting himself from the bed and approaching the door. Both Sirius and Remus lifted their heads to look at him. "Just need to go... look for Wormtail. Be back," James lied, slipping out of the dorm. He caught Remus' quiet chuckle before closing the door again, making his way down to the common room towards the corridor.

James saw Peter in the corner of his eye, playing chess with Emmeline. They were both smiling. They looked cute together, James thought, making his way out of the common room.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

James walked down the quiet, moonlight corridors towards the library. It was nearly curfew at this point, and most other students were already in their common rooms or dorms. It was weird, being in the corridors with no one else there. Usually, you couldn't even get a second of silence at Hogwarts, and this felt weird to James.

He arrived at the library, a place he didn't go much. The sheer amount of books in this one room alone overwhelmed him. Regulus probably loved it here. 

The library smelled like old paper and dust, like Regulus. That comforted James as he began to wander aimlessly through the labyrinth of bookshelves, looking for anything to help him find what he was looking for. 

Much to his surprise, he ran into Lily as he rounded a corner. She carried two books in her arms, her red hair tied back in a ponytail. "Evening, James," she greeted him. "Wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I could say the same about you," James replied, his eyes scanning around.

"Need help finding something?"

James let out a breathy laugh. "If you wouldn't mind, I'm looking for Pride and Prejudice ."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Lily successfully helped James find the book, and they had walked back to the Gryffindor common room together. They wished each other goodnight before returning to their dorms. When James entered his, the book tucked under his shirt, the first thing he heard was the shower running. And seeing that Remus and Sirius were still in their respective beds, there could only be one person in the bathroom. Remus looked up at him and smirked, while Sirius wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

"Had to go look for Wormtail, huh?" Sirius questioned, a sly smirk playing on his lips. 

"Nice lie, Prongs," Remus cut in.

"C'mon, you can just tell us if you were snogging someone," Sirius laughed, and James huffed.

"I didn't snog anyone, Pads," James replied, rolling his eyes and returning to his own bed. He turned away from both Remus and Sirius and pulled Pride and Prejudice out of his shirt, looking at it.

"Sure," he heard Sirius say, obviously not believing him, but James didn't care. Just seeing the book reminded him painfully of Regulus, and it was like having the Slytherin right there with him again. And, even if it was just for a short moment, his heart felt complete again.

Chapter Text

Later that night, James found himself sitting alone in the almost-empty Gryffindor common room. There were a few people scattered here and there, but it was so much quieter than it would be during the day. James just sat by the fire, listening to the crackling sounds as the flames cast a warm glow around the room.

Usually, James hated the quiet. He always felt the urge to fill it up with talking or laughter. He always preferred when people were making noise. Silence made him feel alone, and he hated feeling alone. He'd do anything to surround himself with the beautiful sounds of his friends' voices and laughs. However, he enjoyed the quiet here, weirdly enough. He was alone here, and for some reason or another, he enjoyed it. It was calming.

Maybe this is why Regulus liked the quiet so much.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

𝕄𝕒𝕪, 𝟙𝟡𝟟𝟝

"You talk a lot, you know that?" a 13-year-old Regulus had told a 15-year-old James one night on the Astronomy Tower. It had been a warm night in late May, near the end of James' fourth year and Regulus' third. The distant sound of crickets filled the air, and fireflies flew around the sky like shooting stars.

James looked over at Regulus, a questioning look on his face.

"Not in a bad way," Regulus clarified. "Just... an observation."

"Yeah, well..." James said softly, watching a firefly glide through the air nearby. "I don't really like the quiet."

Regulus hummed. "Why's that?"

James shrugged in response. "Don't really know. I'd just prefer to hear people talking than not. Makes me feel less alone, I suppose."

Regulus considered this. "I guess we're opposites, then."

"You prefer to be alone?"

"Mostly, yes," Regulus replied. "I also like the quiet. It helps me focus. I find it... soothing."

"You're not alone up here," James pointed out.

"The sole reason I came up here up until last fall was to be alone. That was, until you showed up," Regulus replied. "And it doesn't look like I'm going to get rid of you anytime soon, so I figured I might as well just get used to having some company."

"You wouldn't get rid of me, even if you could."

"Hm..." Regulus hummed, the corners of his lips pulling upwards into a smirk so small, some would argue that it wasn't even there. But James knew it was. He knew Regulus. "I think I would disagree with that."

James gasped in fake offense. "I thought you liked talking to me!"

"Mm, I really don't," Regulus said, but James knew it was a lie.

"Oh, come on. You know you love me, Starboy," James joked.

Regulus hadn't responded, but that night had been one of the first that he had smiled at the nickname.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

James smiled at the memory. 

The thought of Regulus suddenly brought James to the realization that he hadn't had the chance to write letters back home yet. He figured he wouldn't have a better chance than now. So, he lifted himself up from the couch and found a quill and spare parchment at a nearby table. Using the dim light from the fireplace, James began to write.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘔𝘶𝘮,
    𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰! 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘌𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬! 𝘔𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘞𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘙𝘦𝘮𝘶𝘴, 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬!
    𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘮𝘺 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘶𝘴? 𝘈𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩, 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴.
    𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘥! 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮.
    𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘰𝘨𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘈𝘯𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳? 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸!
    𝘏𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.
    𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦,
        𝘑𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘺,
    𝘐'𝘥 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴' 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢? 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘐'𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘺.
    𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘈𝘯𝘥, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵.
    𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬. 𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘵. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵, 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.
    𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘺, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯. 𝘈 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦.
    𝘈𝘭𝘴𝘰, 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘥. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘰𝘺. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴?
    𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯.
        𝘍𝘰𝘶𝘳-𝘌𝘺𝘦𝘴

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James tucked the letters into his pocket with the vow to owl them the next morning. It was late now, and Puck was probably off resting with the other owls. James should be asleep at this hour too, but he had an excuse.

He silently tiptoed up to his dorm, so he wouldn't wake up Peter, Remus, and Sirius. The door didn't creak when he opened it, thank Merlin, but as soon as he got into the dorm, he was met with a pair of brown eyes looking at him over a book.

James jumped. "Moony!" he exclaimed quietly so he wouldn't wake Sirius and Peter. "Didn't... know you were still awake."

"I was waiting for you to get back," Remus explained, sitting up in his bed and putting the book down next to him. "Want to tell me where you were?"

"Just down in the common room," James said as nonchalantly as possible, putting the letters down on his bed.

"Two letters?" Remus questioned, his gaze flickering down before meeting James' eyes again. "Who's the second one for?"

Shit . "Um... two parents, two letters," James lied. Remus gave him a look, obviously not believing him. James wouldn't have believed himself either.

"James, please just tell me what's going on," Remus pried gently. "You seem... different. You're keeping secrets from us, hiding letters... hell, you're reading , Prongs. By choice. What happened over winter break? Or... who happened?"

James sighed. "I can't tell you, Moony. I would if I could, but you have to understand–"

"I won't pry," Remus spoke gently. "I just want to know that you're okay."

James let out a relieved sigh, a small smile forming on his lips. "I'm okay, I promise. I'll tell you at some point, just... not now."

Remus nodded, laying back down on his bed. "'Night, Prongs," he said, flicking off his light.

James chuckled. "Goodnight, Moony."