Chapter Text
”Shadow Milk Cookie?”
”Yes, ‘Nilly?”
“Would you happen to know why my bed is missing?”
”Your bed is gone?” Shadow Milk giggles and lifts his head from the armrest of the couch he’s currently sprawled across to watch Pure Vanilla. “When did you grow a funny bone?”
”I’m afraid I’m not joking.”
Shadow Milk sits up, watches Pure Vanilla through disbelieving eyes as though he didn’t just spend the last few hours using the stuffing of Pure Vanilla’s bed to create hundreds of miniature plushies that he’s hidden throughout the halls of Vanilla Kingdom Castle. “Your bed is actually missing? I know you’ve made a habit of doing all sorts of impossible things, but even you couldn’t misplace a bed.”
Pure Vanilla Cookie sighs. “I didn’t misplace it.”
”So, what? You think someone stole it? Stole your entire bed?” Shadow Milk Cookie grins deviously. “Wow~ look at you! So special that cookies even want the bed you sleep in. What’s next? The robe off your back?” Shadow Milk cackles. “Need me to be your body guard? Who knows, some depraved cookie might even come after your soul jam.”
“I really liked that mattress…”
”Awwww, don’t be sad!” Shadow Milk floats over to Pure Vanilla’s back and starts herding him in the direction of his room like Pure Vanilla used to do with those little sheep of his. “If you ask nicely, I might let you use my bed. Who knows, I might even tuck you in if I’m feeling generous.”
”No, that’s oka- oof!” Shadow Milk catches Pure Vanilla before he can fall when his leg bends after receiving a loving kick behind the knee.
”Really, you’re so fortunate to have me as your counterpart. Any other beast would’ve made you sleep on the floor.” Eternal Sugar would’ve made the floor seem more cozy and appealing than a mattress made for a king, but whatever! What she does is just, like, deceit with extra steps. And, actually, now that he thinks of it, while she would make Pure Vanilla sleep on the floor, she wouldn’t make her own Ancient counterpart sleep on the floor, and-! Wow! He and Eternal Sugar are offputtingly similar sometimes. But Shadow Milk was pursued by his Ancient, while Eternal Sugar is the unsuccessful(?) pursuer. Therefore, Shadow Milk is just simply. Better than her!
”Thank you but there are plenty of other beds-“
“I’m sure they’ll just get stolen too.”
”Shadow Milk Cook-“
”Look! We’re here!” Shadow Milk Cookie kicks open the door to his room and drags Pure Vanilla Cookie inside. A whirlwind of magic has objects flying towards Pure Vanilla Cookie, getting him ready for bed. A toothbrush stuffs Pure Vanilla’s mouth when he tries to protest and starts brushing his teeth. A coat rack takes Pure Vanilla’s hat for him.
When it’s done, objects levitate to where they belong, and Shadow Milk Cookie uses his index finger to push on Pure Vanilla’s chest, backing him into the bed until he sits on it. A magical flip of a switch and lights go out.
Shadow Milk stares down at his soulmate, milky blue eyes glowing hot and ominous in the dark. He imagines they’re the only feature Pure Vanilla is able to make out.
Pure Vanilla Cookie huffs out a breath. “Are you going to tell me what you’re up to?”
”Why, you sound almost accusatory. I must say, I’m offended.”
”Right. That would be too easy. Listen, I can’t- I shouldn’t-“
Shadow Milk Cookie covers Pure Vanilla’s mouth with his palm and then uses his leverage to press Pure Vanilla’s head back until it hits the bed and he’s laying flat on his back. “So chatty,” Shadow Milk admonishes, hovering over him.
Pure Vanilla pries Shadow Milk’s hand from his mouth. Ooooh, his other half is so strong~! “Listen, I don’t think sharing a bed is a good idea.”
”Sharing? Who said anything about sharing? I’ll have you know I was planning on taking the couch.”
”Really?”
”But since you brought it up, I suppose I could be persuaded to share. I mean, we already share a soul jam. Doesn’t get more personal than that. What’s a bed in comparison?”
Pure Vanilla Cookie groans. Shadow Milk can’t tell if it’s a sound of frustration or defeat, but if it’s the former then it won’t be long until it’s the latter.
“Aww, what’s the matter?” Shadow Milk leans a little closer, twirls a lock of Pure Vanilla’s hair around his index finger. The tendrils of Shadow Milk’s hair stretch out so that he can admire the way Pure Vanilla freezes up and flushes from every angle. “Don’t tell me you don’t trust me enough to sleep with me. For you? I’ll be on my best behavior.”
Pure Vanilla releases a shaky exhale. “Sometimes it’s so hard to know what you’re thinking.”
“Just ask and I’ll tell you. Of course, I might lie.”
Pure Vanilla laughs, weak but genuine. “Of course.”
”What about you? If I ask what you’re thinking, will you tell me the truth?”
Pure Vanilla Cookie raises his head from the mattress by just a few inches. They’re startlingly close now. “I’ll always tell you the truth. I’m just not sure if you’d want to hear it.”
Shadow Milk gulps. His heart is pounding. It takes him a moment to find his voice. “…What are you thinking? Tell me.”
Pure Vanilla Cookie’s eyes don’t glow in the dark like Shadow Milk Cookie’s do, but there’s a brightness in them that Shadow Milk couldn’t replicate if he tried. “I’m thinking that sometimes I wish I really was Truthless Recluse. It’s a selfish thought. But if I were, I’d stop worrying about your feelings or boundaries. Whenever I felt like it, I’d just reach out and touch you. Then I’d do whatever I want-“
Shadow Milk flushes hard, feels so much everything that he can’t even breathe. He pulls away like he’s been burned and falls back into a portal he hadn’t even realized he’d conjured.
…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM. HIS SEDUCTION WAS GOING SO WELL. HE HAD HIM. PURE VANILLA WAS RIGHT THERE, AND HE HAD HIM.
Shadow Milk Cookie wants to go to sleep in one of Eternal Sugar’s jam jars and never wake up. He wants Mystic Flour to disintegrate him. He wants to follow Silent Salt’s advice and NEVER SPEAK AGAIN because WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM.
Pure Vanilla Cookie wasn’t just receptive to his advances, the things he was saying were starting to get a little freaky. Shadow Milk was so into it he could cry. How could he mess up his own plans?
…No.
No, this is good. This is a good thing! It would be… It would be too easy for Pure Vanilla if he got what he wanted so easily. Yeah! He needs to pay Pure Vanilla Cookie back for all the confusion and insecurity he caused. Everything’s going according to plan.
He shouldn’t give him tooooooo hard a time though. He’s going to go easy on him because Pure Vanilla Cookie is special to him. He wouldn’t want to torture his beloved THAT much. He’ll be generous and won’t play hard to get more than once. Yes, he’ll see his next seduction attempt through to the end.
…
Pure Vanilla Cookie leaves him a very sincere apology letter and a box of cookies. And then of course, he starts to avoid him again. Shadow Milk Cookie isn’t even mad this time. He understands Pure Vanilla Cookie better now. He’s probably just convinced that he made Shadow Milk uncomfortable and doesn’t want to push. Or something equally stupid.
How to get over this awkward slump and smoothly transition into a very good time? Berry juice of course. The fermented kind.
The plan is simple. Disguise himself as a servant, deliver a very strong bottle and claim it to be a gift from Hollyberry Cookie (as though she has time to think of Pure Vanilla Cookie when she has the neediest Cookie in all of Earthbread pursuing her relentlessly). Then, when Pure Vanilla Cookie inevitably has a glass (he’ll at least try it because he’s stupidly sentimental about nonsense such as a gift from a dear friend), Shadow Milk will come knocking. They’ll talk, Shadow Milk’s overwhelming charisma will inevitably make Pure Vanilla want him desperately, and maybe the berry juice will give him a little liquid courage. And maybe it will calm Shadow Milk’s nerves and keep him from fleeing.
Anyway! He won’t come on as strong this time. Maybe he could just aim for a kiss tonight. He doesn’t want to move too fast and overwhelm Pure Vanilla Cookie. Because it’s Pure Vanilla that gets overwhelmed. No one else.
He obtains the required items, dons his blueberry servant boy disguise, and once it’s dark out, he puts his plan into play.
Pure Vanilla Cookie answers his door less than a minute after he knocks. Shadow Milk glances behind Pure Vanilla Cookie and sees that he got himself a new bed. Hmph. That bed will be an unused waste of money not long from now, but they’re his riches to squander, so whatever.
Shadow Milk raises the bottle, opens his mouth to explain it’s fake origins.
”Shadow Milk?”
His mouth snaps shut. “How did you know?” Maybe he could lie his way out of it. But he’s never been found out this quickly, and if Pure Vanilla Cookie has found some surefire way of seeing through his disguises, he needs to know. Better to come clean while he can still play it off than to keep pushing and embarrass himself.
Pure Vanilla Cookie fiddles with his staff. “You looked behind me and got this look on your face that was just. Very you.”
That’s not possible. Shadow Milk is the master of disguises and deceit. His acting isn’t exactly see-through. Not even Candy Apple or Black Sapphire Cookie can see through his disguises. And Pure Vanilla Cookie can-what? Just tell? From a flash of an expression? He couldn’t tell before!
Shadow Milk Cookie snarls, feeling defensive and mean. His disguise melts away. “Bravo. Aren’t you so perceptive? You didn’t see that White Lily Cookie was Dark Enchantress Cookie and you didn’t see how to help your fallen kingdom until the answers were handed to you on a silver platter. But look at you! You saw through a disguise! Oh how you’ve grown, now you know how to spoil a harmless prank and ruin my fun!”
Pure Vanilla Cookie looks away, a touch hurt. “I was never a very good friend or king. But I want to be good to you. I’ve been trying so hard to get to know you so that I can be what you need, but I keep hurting you and overstepping. I’m so sorry.”
Shadow Milk Cookie’s chest feels tight. Pure Vanilla recognizing him so quickly is a good thing. It’s a testament to how much attention he pays to him, how much he cares. Shadow Milk didn’t need to lash out. He’s desperate for Pure Vanilla to know and understand him, because Pure Vanilla Cookie is the only one who can.
But being known is terrifying. He wants it, and yet he rejects it. It makes him feel like a cornered Cakehound. He’s way too old and powerful to be scared of something so trivial. And yet, not once in his entire existence has anyone truly understood him. Even someone who has lived as long as he has experiences new things from time to time.
”If you were really trying to be what I need, you’d be in the Spire of Deceit right now living as Truthless Recluse. You weren’t willing to be what I needed then, and I certainly don’t need you to be what I need now.” Shadow Milk Cookie would never say something as gross as ‘just be yourself’, but he hopes Pure Vanilla Cookie gets the gist.
”Ah. Right. I see.” Ugh, he’s twisted it into something self deprecating in his mind, hasn’t he? Idiot.
Shadow Milk scratches a sharp nail down Pure Vanilla Cookie’s soul jam. Pure Vanilla shivers like he can personally feel it. “You’re a fool. Let me spell it out for you. You’re my other half. Whether you’re a villain or saint, whether you’re an honest cookie or a terrible liar, I’m your inevitable fate. I am inescapable. You think you need to do extra work for our connection? You think you know better than fate? You caused my spire to crumble and yet here we are, together. It doesn’t matter if I’m sealed away, or if Earthbread crumbles. When all is said and done, you will find yourself back at my side.”
Pure Vanilla Cookie’s face is alight with some emotion, but Shadow Milk Cookie can’t tell what it is. It seems like a good thing though.
Maybe his second attempt isn’t a lost cause. He can still salvage this. He twirls the bottle in his hand, grabs the front of Pure Vanilla Cookie’s robe, and drags him inside, slamming the door shut behind them.
He throws Pure Vanilla onto an armchair and slams the bottle on the table.
”Drink.”