Chapter Text
The location. It’s all that was sent, it’s all that needed to be sent. Maya felt like she was scrambling, her phone was immediately calling one person right now.
“You owe me a favor.” Was all she said.
“Hi to you too…are you going to yell at me again about sleeping with Carina?” Andy said on the other side.
Maya had been giving her best friend the cold shoulder, she didn’t want to look at her or talk to her since she had it out with the Latina. Of course Andy tried to get her blonde best friend to talk to her or hear her out but it was bad.
“You owe me”
“Fine. What do you need?”
“I need to just..get out. Go somewhere for a couple days. You’re my alibi. Okay?” Maya needed to head to this location before it was going to be revoked.
“Seriously? You’re bailing?? Maya come on..” sighing.
“My head is too loud Andy. I know I just got back but I need to leave…please”
Hearing her best friend thinking, she finally heard a ‘fine’ with a text to Ryan next saying she needed to just leave for a couple days and he didn’t say anything other than ‘okay, I’ll tell the bosses’. Taking her squad car back to her house she swapped the cars to take her SUV up the four hour drive to find the location that Carina sent to be a small cabin.
Getting out, she pulled the buttons of her shirt apart to just see the door open, Carina walking out, looking straight at the blonde. She had her hair up in a half up half down, looking cozy with a tank top on and just loose jogging pants. The joint in her hand was still in her fingers.
Seeing her take a long drag of it, her other hand had the baby monitor in it, her arm had a bandage around it, indicating the shot Gabriella told her about. The officer took tentative steps towards the Italian till they were close enough. Carina lifted her hand with the joint in it to turn Maya’s face with her index and middle finger, seeing the now faint hand mark that was left behind her best friend.
Pulling her head away, the blonde narrowed her eyes at her ex lover. By now Maya would have been marching up to the italian, doing everything she could but it felt different. It didn't take long though for her hands to come up; shoving her, hitting her. Carina was letting her, the hitting, the shoving, the small remarks.
“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much..you left me! You left me and I needed you!” Hitting at Carina’s chest.
Carina clipped the monitor to her waistband, sticking the joint in between her lips to catch the blondes hands, but Maya was fast to shove her away.
“Don't touch me -- You left me! How could you just do that?! You got fucking shot!? I told you I love you and you just went up and left me with everyone but you…” her hitting got weaker which gave Carina the higher ground to catch her hands again.
Yanking the blondes hands gently behind her back, since she figured that her shoulder was still tender, that’s when the tears started. The Italian just brought Maya into her arms to hold her to her body.
“I..hate you..” crying into Carina's shoulder.
“I know, and that’s okay with me..you’re alive Bella..” holding her to her body, feeling the blondes fits gently pounding on her shoulders.
I didn't want to live alone in this miserable world without you, you were right.
Standing still was the only thing that the Italian could think of, her head rest upon Maya's to pull her in closer. Closing her own eyes to just let the anger seep out of the officers pores. There was a reason why Carina told Maya before everything happened that she could hate her, she'd see a different side of her; knowing this might happen.
“I’m sorry, Bella…I didn’t leave because of what happened…” breathing out into the blonde hair.
“Gabriella said you did” crying more.
“No..I would have stayed, I didn’t want to leave you like that..” she didn't, but Carina at the time was too traumatized with what she just did with Maya being right there in front of her.
“How can I trust what you’re saying? You tossed me away to him, how do I even know what’s right…you held a gun to my head!” Pushing at Carina again to make her take a few steps back.
“Stay…just a couple days, just…stay…please, I’ll tell you everything -- Maya I...” running her hand over her face gently, her joint back between both of her fingers again to just without saying anything else, holding her hand out.
Maya's eyes took in the italian, she looked at her hand, then back up at Carina. Her chest was hurting, both of theirs were as they were standing in front of one another almost four weeks after the incident. Keeping her hand out, the officer placed hers into it to have the brunette close it gently overtop. Walking backwards, Carina eventually turned around to walk the blonde into the cabin where she took her over towards the living room to just have her sit down.
Looking at the blonde, she just oozed tired, she just radiated that these past weeks have been hell for her and Carina wanted to just take that away, this wasn't her finest time either. Gabriel was the only person to keep her from losing her shit.
"Why...after everything that happened...why did you leave.." Maya asked in a quiet tone.
Maya had so many other questions but it seemed like that was the first one that came to mind. Carina sat down, opposite of her on the couch. Putting out the joint since she was inside the place and since the little boy was here she didn't do it in home.
"When you left..for New York, when I tried to get you to come home...I lost it -- " Carina started out. "...I became a shell, like you always were worried about, I...uhm...I felt it happening again and I couldn't stay, I needed to go and break out of it before I sunk too deep; I didn't want to be the person you came back to Seattle looking at again"
Carina started playing with her rings, twirling them on her fingers like it was some nervous habit. Maya wanted to reach out, she wanted to keep her from starting up her nervous ticks, but she just couldn't touch her right now.
"Why take Gabriel"
"Jack knew who he was, or at least had wind that a tiny person was running around in Gabriella's life..I wanted to take him to just get away so in case Gibson tried to come back, he wouldn't be there -- and my little nino is the only other person I could look at and help break me out of what I started to sink back into..." nodding slowly to have her brown eyes look at Maya who was just watching her intently.
"Only other person?" Maya asked in the softest of tones.
"Yeah, only other person..because the other one, was hating me for not taking her with me out of that warehouse..Maya...I never wanted to leave you there" still soft.
"But you did. You left me there, with Keith lying in a pool of his own blood...you left me there after putting a gun to my head Carina!"
"I was trying to distract him from you!" Getting up now to start to pace like how she always did, but stopping to just look at the blonde.
"You couldn't have chosen another way!? You verbally attacked me, you said I was a pawn to you...I -- I said I love you...and that I came back here because I was sick for you and you just...you used everything I felt for you against me" Maya's voice sounded so broken.
"Bella..." Carina started but the baby monitor went off with Gabriel calling for her.
Maya wiped her tears to have Carina walk away, opening the bedroom door to walk in. Holding her hands out she let a sleepy Gabriel walk into her arms for her to pick up, holding him to her side to walk out. Kissing his head she turned her body and pointed to who was on the couch.
"Yaya..." he said while still sleepy and the blonde just smiled.
"Hi little squirt..." she said in the calmest tone ever.
Carina let him down so he could gently run over to her, Maya pulled him up to her lap before hugging him. His little arms wrapped around her neck to then kiss her cheek.
"I helwped..I did what you said.." he whispered into her ear, before wrapping his arms around her neck again to show what he did.
The italian just stood there looking at the two, the blue eyes that haunted her nightmares were looking straight back at her again.
"I'm so proud of you.." Maya whispered back to him with a smile.
"Come on baby...Yaya and I need to talk...lets watch some Bluey..then we can have dinner..sound good?" Carina offered to have the little boy slide off Maya's lap and run to her and grab her hand.
Watching the two walk off again, it gave Maya time to think about everything that was literally just talked about. Could she believe her? Did she want to? Carina had placed the TV on for the little boy, walking to the kitchen quickly to grab him a bottle, it was only once a day but he usually took it after a nap.
"Nino..here my little one..I'm going to close the door and I'll come and get you when we're done talking..." handing him a cold bottle to just have Gabriel sink into the bed with Bluey on.
Closing the door with just a little crack and the baby monitor just on still, Carina returned to where Maya was.
"Sorry, I had put him down for a nap and now he's awake.." Carina apologized but the blonde just shook her head that she had nothing to be sorry for.
"It's okay...I missed him"
"He missed you too"
"What about you?" Maya asked, the brunette looked at the blonde and gently nodded.
"Of course I did, what I did...I needed to do it, but I never.."
"Tricks and games, you fucked me to gain trust.." Maya recited like it was yesterday that it was said to her.
Carina gently padded over to sit down on the couch again, not trusting herself to be up on her legs right now.
"What could you have possibly have distracted him from to make you say all that? If it wasn't some sort of truth Carina" Maya was feeling gutted.
Rubbing her hands together, Carina hung her head, her feet were spread apart just a tiny bit. She mumbled, mumbling something to where Maya reached over and pulled the heiresses face up to look at her.
"What was that?"
"I didn't want someone else to be taken from me...not you..not you -- I couldn't...I could barely handle Andrea being gone, so I did everything to have him point that gun at me..but..you..Maya..." shaking her head, it looked like she wanted to cry.
Carina was never this vulnerable lately, not with Maya.
Getting up a little bit to move closer to the brunette till she was sitting right up against her.
"Carina..." whispering to run her hand over the italian's hand.
"I can't lose you -- " looking over to her. "You were right..everything...I left because losing myself in the Black Widow would mean you'd see the me after you...and I didn't want to be that, you have to believe me, I can't..lose you, I don't want to lose you..." Carina sounded convincing.
I can't breathe without you.
Leaning in, the brunette got closer to the blonde. Their noses eventually touching with the italian's finger tips under her chin.
"Under love's heavy burden do I sink..." whispering into Maya's lips till they pressed together softly.
It was like Maya was under a spell, being brought in by Carina's words, her lips, her everything. Like she didn't just spend the last almost four weeks broken while Carina was here trying to heal herself. It almost was like someone pulled the officer back into reality for her to break the kiss and to slap Carina for even trying to do that to her.
Carina sat there, taking the hard slap on her cheek; feeling Maya get up from the couch and walk away, to the back door and out back to where she stood looking at the water. A few tears from what was feeling like a broken heart left the italian's eyes. Telling the truth wasn't the easiest, but she did and got slapped for it, by the one woman who was starting to heal her heart; but she threw the bomb at that the minute she put the gun to her head.
Sitting there, Carina wiped her eyes of the threat of the water wanting to spill out.
Trust.
It's what they built their foundation on, it's what Carina broke. Maya didn't trust Carina anymore. Sitting there for a few minutes, they both needed a breather. Maya ran her hands through her hair slowly to just look down at the ground, cries wracking her body all over again.
Getting up from the couch, Carina went to the back door to see the blonde crying all over again. Stepping out, her cheek still burned from the deserved slap, but her arms went right around the officers body, her lips panting her cheek repeatedly.
"I'm sorry...I'm so...fucking sorry...Maya...Bella..." Carina was trying to hold the crying younger blonde.
Maya hand slipped behind Carina's neck to just hold her there while she broke down again, it felt exhausting to her body, but the italian was there to hold her up.
"You..."
"I know..I know..I'll do whatever it takes for you to make you trust me again" Carina spoke softly.
"Oh...I'm scared of you Carina!" Pulling out of her hold to turn around and point a finger at the italian. "You wanted me to be scared of you! I am! I'm terrified of you!..."
"Maya..."
The blonde just pushed past her to walk back inside. Carina didn't go after her she just stood there outside, running her hand over her chest gently. Maya had walked back out side to push at the brunette making her walk a couple steps.
"What if I did that to you?! Would you fucking blame me?! I was crying for you..I was breaking and you had no emotions in your eyes.." Maya was yelling.
Placing her hands on her hips, Carina just looked up at the sky a little bit before turning around and facing her ex fiance.
"I warned you...I told you that you would see a side of me that you're going to hate, I needed to do that to protect you!" Putting her hands up to talk with them now.
"Protect me?! You put me in danger the minute you killed Bobby! Keith was waiting for you! You never told me! How is that protecting me Carina?!"
"AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN" Carina raised her voice higher. "I would do it a million times over and I would still kill that son of a bitch -- " laughing a little bit before it died down for her arms to just fall at her sides and her face to fall to look at the blonde.
They had this argument before.
"Voleva ucciderti all'istante, voleva finire il lavoro di suo fratello. Ho fatto quello che ho fatto per tenerti al sicuro."
"OH! ENGLISH CARINA!" Maya yelled.
"He wanted to kill you instantly, he was going to finish his brothers job. I did what I did to keep you safe!" Carina translated to just let out a breath.
"All because of you..of what you did"
"I said what I said inside, I can't...lose you...I said it in the warehouse, I don't want anything to happen to you.." Carina was back to using her hands again.
"You'd be a miserable bitch without me" Maya shook her head and wasn't expecting the next thing that came out of Carina's mouth.
"Yes...I would be, and losing you..completely? Isn't that why we separated..to make sure that we stayed alive?! Isn't that what you told me to do is to keep myself alive?! Because you couldn't live without me, that I make you breathe easier...isn't that what you told me before you left me the first time -- or is it not true anymore...you love me but you can live withou--"
"I can't live without you, Carina..I can't..I don't want to..because I love you, but I hate you right now for making me scared of you.."
"And I said I was fine with that because you're fucking alive..I do what I do to make sure that you stay alive...don't you think it would be easier if we could both live without each other?! WE fell in love..we fell..so..deeply..insanely..truly..undeniably in love with one another...--" taking steps forward towards the blonde who was just looking at Carina now.
"-- we were forced to hate each other...but we did anything but that; so I left you in Seattle...to find me again...so I could be me before this, because I don't want to be forever remembered as the Black Widow...hate me, don't trust me...be scared of me, but I did all this because I was liking who I was becoming again, I...missed you, Maya..and I didn't know that till we started to be friends again"
"Friends..." Maya laughed. "I've never wanted to just be your friend, Carina.."
"I know...but we can't find us...if there is an us...if theres no foundation anymore..so we have to choose — if you can’t trust me"
"Choose what.." Maya said as Carina was now right in front of her.
"We either figure out and gain the trust back, see...what's there...or we cut it, you go and live a happy life with Micha---"
"I don't want that!" the blondes voice was stern.
"Let me fucking finish -- " Carina pointed out to just have the blonde nod.
"Find us, whatever..you and I are supposed to be...or we be what were supposed to be, rivals -- and you stay with Michael and you have his little babies and be happy with him...you don’t step foot in my club anymore, you lose my number.."
"Carina.."
"I'm so serious Maya, I think it's something we have to choose..we'd still be alive, we just wouldn't be..this..." motioning between the two of them.
Maya just looked at Carina like she should know what she wanted by now, but knowing Carina was right was the worst part.
"We need to choose..I don't think I can stay away..not anymore.." shaking her head. "Stay...or you can leave now.."
Carina got closer to Maya, the blonde stood still. Her insides were flipping and her heart was racing; she didn't know if it was fear or just the fact that Carina was part of her heart. Taking the blondes hands in her own she placed them on her collarbone with her forehead pressing into the younger girls.
"Choose. Maya.."
As the two stood there, Gabriel pushed open the door to the bedroom to just take himself to where he could see Carina and Maya standing there together.
"I won't hate you if you leave..I won't blame you..."
Taking a tiny step outside he jumped himself over to the back of Maya's legs to just have the blonde look down almost instantly seeing Gabriel wrapping his arms around one of them. Pulling one of her hands from Carina she ran her hand through his dark hair. Without another word she took his hand to then pull the little boy into her arms with a smile and he just smiled at her.
"What are you making for dinner?" Maya asked after a few moments to look at Carina.
"Whatever the two of you want..."
Maya walked the two of them inside, giving her answer to the brunette. Carina followed for a second to just grab her half smoked joint and lighting it again to finish it off while she stood outside to calm herself down.
Maya was staying.
Finishing off the joint she got rid of the butt of it to then walk inside and make them all dinner. The two would tag team dishes and cleaning up, Gabriel just watching the two of them with him picking at his raspberries that Carina gave him for dessert. Little hands were stained a deep pink since he'd pick them up and squeeze, laugh and then eat it.
"What are you doing over there?" Carina asked as she turned her head to see Gabriel just laughing while eating the raspberries.
The blonde turned her head to just watch the little boy being picked up by Carina to stand on the chair. He fed her a raspberry but she proceeded to take his messy shirt off and then wipe his face and hands of the juice from them.
This is what Maya wanted.
Turning around she just smiled to watch the two of them together, she could tell that Carina was a lot less tense here than back in Seattle. They'd take their time but Maya wasn't ever wanting to let the italian go, they needed to get over this together instead of quitting completely.
"Messy boy..tell yaya you gotta go take a bath now..." saying to him to have the little boy lead against her with a big smile. "Tell her.."
"Yaya! I go takes a bath now!" placing his hands against his mouth, bouncing a bit to have Carina pick him up and craddle him, but his little hand grabbed a handful of raspberries again.
"Oh no no...we're going to feed those to yaya and then we're going to take a bath and then bedtime.." walking him over to have his hand go up to Maya.
The blonde leaned down to take one from his hand, he'd giggle. Maya ran her short nails over his tummy to make him laugh and clench his fist more to squish the berries in his hand.
"Oh...no..okay, yep bath time is now.." Carina laughed to just have Maya grab a paper towel and had Gabriel open his hand over it, which he did.
Dropping the squished berries into the towel, she folded it to wipe it and then watched Carina carry him off to the bathroom.
"Maya.." calling from the bathroom.
Showing up a few seconds later she looked at the two of them, Carina was sitting on the lip of the tub with Gabriel in it while it was filling up.
"Yeah?"
"Can you just grab his pjs? they should be in the top drawer of the room?" asking her, Carina had pulled her long pants off to just be in her briefs.
"Of course..i'll be right back.."
They smiled a bit at each other, Carina went to just go bathe the little boy in the warm soapy water. Most of the time he'd sit there and just let her wash him, but with Maya here he was a little rambunctious. The blonde came back in to see Gabriel with a full head of shampoo, his hands were grabbing onto Carina's briefs and pulling for her to just stand him up.
"Under the water..sotto l'acqua.." saying to him while pointing to the flowing faucet.
Carina placed her hand on the back of his neck to just finally get into the tub with him, kneeling to get him under the water and washing his hair free of the shampoo. Gabriel stood up to press his full body into the italians front with a laugh.
"What is this..is it cause Yaya is here that you're so giggly.."
Gabriel nodded to just have Carina shake her head with a smile, Maya took a seat on the toilet seat to watch the two of them. Grabbing the baby body wash she placed it on the wash cloth to rub over him and then asked him to hold his breath as she ran it over his face a couple times to just scoop up water and washing it away so he didn't get it into his eyes.
"Nina.."
"What...i'm in here with you...what more could you want..." saying with a smile to have him splash at her and the italian raised her finger at him.
"No..we aren't doing that.." she said to him with finishing up his bath to shut the water off.
Maya got up to grab the little towel that was his with a little dinosaur hood on it. Carina grabbed him under his arms to pull him out and into Maya's arms to where she wrapped the little boy up.
"You want to go get him dressed for bed and I'm just going to take a quick shower"
"Yeah of course.." Holding Gabriel to her, the little boy was like a little mummy in her arms while they left the bathroom.
Carina took a quick shower. Standing the little boy on the bed to have Maya dry him off and get him into his big boy pants and then his pjs she originally took into the bathroom. Running the towel over his hair to dry it a little more, Carina walked in with a towel around her and looked at the two of them.
"Ti stai comportando bene?" (are you behaving well?) saying to Gabriel.
"Si Nina.."
"Bravo ragazzino" (good boy) smiling at him.
Changing quickly into new briefs and then a tank top she then gave Maya a pair of shorts and a shirt she could sleep in. Taking it, she went to the bathroom to change, coming back into the bedroom to get into the bed with Gabriel who was already laying down. Carina expressed she'd take the couch tonight and let the two of them have the bed. Maya got settled to just have Gabriel cuddle up into her, the brunette kissed his head.
"Ti amo..sleep well..and if you need me I'm right out there" cocking her head to the door, Maya nodded to smile gently.
Turning off all the lightly, Carina settled herself on the couch and relaxed a bit, Maya did the same thing. The bed felt too empty, truth be told, Maya didn't want to have another nightmare. Grabbing her phone she sent a text to the heiress since the little one was already on his way into a deep slumber.
[MB]: Please sleep with us tonight? I've been having nightmares....
Carina picked up her phone to see the text. Getting up slowly she walked to the bedroom to see Maya look over at her, opening the sheets, the italian padded over to get into the bed.
"Me too.." whispering as she looked at the blonde in the moonlight.
The three somehow slipped themselves in a comfortable position. Maya held Gabriel, Carina was holding Maya and Gabriel, her hand resting on the little boy's chest a little bit.
Tonight was the first night that Maya or Carina didn't have nightmares about that day.