Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Sam, you have to get over it. It’s already been five years, it’s time to move on”. Sam can hear his fathers voice from the other side of the door, but he doesn’t answer, he doesn't want to open it, he can’t open it. “Sam”, his fathers voice again, “you have to accept it, he isn’t coming back”. Sam knows that, of course he does. Dean is dead. And he is fully aware that Dean isn’t coming back. But even with that truth he can’t stop missing him. He misses him so much. He just wants to sit in his room and cry, because there is nothing he can do to get his brother back. Nothing. It knocks on the door. “Come out now, you can’t sit in there the whole day”. He doesn’t want to come out. He wants to sit in here the whole day. Or, what he really wants is to be with Dean. But, that he can’t, he knows that. So he stays in his room. The whole day 

—

Sam can’t stop thinking of that day. He hadn't cried as much as he did then in years. But it had been something with that day. To know that it was five years since Dean had died. His dad had wanted him to help him put up the tree for christmas. But Sam had refused.

It’s not really a day he wants to remember, but for some reason he can never forget it. Even though there was nothing that reminded him of that day, the memories didn’t want to leave him alone. Not even now when he has moved out from his fathers house and gotten his own apartment, the memories from his old home don't want to disappear.

A distant buzzing brings Sam back to the now. He picks up his phone that's been laying on the kitchen counter. ‘Bobby’, is the caller ID. Sam accepts the call. 

“Hello”, he answers.
“Hi, Sam. It’s Bobby”. The voice of the older man is heard over the line. It’s nice to still be in contact with his Uncle Bobby. Even though they almost never meet because of the seven hour drive between them, they know they have each other. 

“I was just calling to check how you’re doing. I know these times can be hard for you”. Sam leans against the kitchen counter looking out the window. Outside snowflakes fall slowly from the sky. These times, he thinks, Christmas times . 

“Thanks, Bobby”, he says, “for calling. I needed a distraction from my thoughts about- stuff”.

On the other side of the phone call Bobby sighs heavily. “I know, it isn’t easy for any of us”. Sam doesn't really want to talk about it. It burdens him enough as it is.

”Listen, Sam, why don’t you come over to us during Christmas, huh? Wouldn’t that be nice?”.

Sam almost wants to say ‘yes’, but he already promised Jo that he would spend Christmas with her and her mom. She had forced him to say yes because she wouldn't let him spend it alone.

“I would love to come, but unfortunately I have other plans. But thanks for asking”.

Bobby sighs again, “are you still looking for him?”. Sam shakes his head even though he knows Bobby can’t see him. “I stopped a while ago. Something tells me he doesen't want to be found”.

His dad left him all alone in their home three years ago. He hasn't seen a glimpse of him since then. He had come close to finding him once, but never close enough for any real answers. 

“People in hiding usually don't want to be found. And if he doesn't want to be found, there is a big chance no one is going to find him”, Bobby tells him.

“I know”, he answers, “I know. I just wish I knew why he left”.

Sam was just about to start his university studies after years of delay, then only a few days before that his father disappeared and never came back.

“Hey Sam, forget your father. He isn’t worth your time. Think about your future instead okey?”. Sam smiles to himself.  “Okay”, he answers, “I’ll try”.

He can hear Bobby's low laugh. “That's great, boy. Unfortunately I have to go now, but feel free to call if you want to talk about something. Have a good one. Bye son”.  And then he abruptly ends the call, not waiting for an answer.

He does that often. Doesn't let Sam say ‘goodbye’. Maybe that's his way of making it through it all. It’s not the end if you haven’t said ‘goodbye’, Bobby used to say when Sam was younger. He said it often after Dean's death.

For a while Sam believed him. He was just a kid that missed his brother. But as the years went by he realized that Dean was never going to come back.

Death isn’t something you come back from. Death is where it ends. And you can’t start over.

—

“Hey, Sam. What can I do for you?”, the blond woman behind the counter smiles kindly towards him.

“Hi, Jo. Just a coffee, please”. Jo pats the counter, “a coffee, coming up”, she says and turns towards the coffee machine.

Her family has owned this place for years. They make the best food and drinks in the whole town, everybody knows that.

He met Jo when they were kids, they used to play together, all three of them. Jo, Sam and Dean. She, like everybody else, took it hard when Dean died. But she is one of the few that has been able to go back to her old self.

Sam sits down on one of the barstools at the counter. There aren’t many customers at this time of day. The place works as a bar in the evenings and nights, but during the day it’s almost empty. Only a few customers come in during the day.

“You know," Jo says as she puts down his coffee in front of him, “it’s special prices here tonight, and I’m most likely serving alone, so if you want to you could stop by later”.

Sam looks up at her, meeting her blue eyes. “I don’t like to party”, he says flatly.

“I know”, Jo answers, “but a drink and a little nice company”, she shrugs, “it can’t be that bad, can it?”, she states.

Sam laughs, “I appreciate the invite but we both know that if it’s one drink then it’s two and-”.

“And what’s so bad about that? You need something else to think about Sam”. He sighs and looks down in his cup of coffee. “I know”.

She places her hand on his, “this would be the perfect way for you to stop thinking about-”.

“I know, I know”, he interrupts her, “you don’t have to say it”. Jo lets out a small breath.

“At least think about it”, Jo says, “it could be fun”. She squeezes his hand gently before she leaves him alone with his coffee.

Sam sighs heavily. He knows that it would be good for him to get something else to think about.

But his brother's ghost is going to haunt him forever, he won’t ever be able to stop thinking about him, no matter what he does… So what is there really to lose?

“Hey Jo! What time should I be here tonight?”.

The girl comes up to him again, a smug smile playing on her lips. “Be here at eleven?”, she suggests.

Sam nods, “sounds good”.

Jo lets out a small laugh, “you know, sometimes you’re pretty easy to convince, Winchester”.

Sam gives her a smile, “I am when I want to be”, he says and winks at her.

Jo shakes her head with a laugh, “see you tonight”, she says and walks over to the new customer that just entered the place.

Sam isn’t totally sure why he agreed to this. But maybe it’s the perfect way to get something else to think about, if only for just a little while. 

—

Sam parks his white Ford outside the bar. He can hear the pounding tones from the loud music.

His eyes fall on the small digital clock in his car, 22:56, soon eleven. He takes a deep breath. It was a long time ago he did something like this. He devotes himself a last thought to Dean, then he leaves the car.

The cool winter air meets his skin. The green fall jacket doesn't help much against the cold.

When he gets closer to the bar, the music gets louder. It’s not a song he recognizes.

A black Impala is parked right outside the door. An elegant car, he thinks, but it would never be a car for him.

He opens the door to the bar and steps inside. People are laughing and cheering. The music is loud and energetic. Sam doesn't recognize any of the people around him.

He find an empty barstool at the counter and orderes a Whiskey neat. Sam doesn't  recognize the man serving him either, but he assumes he's one of Jo's cousins. They have the same blond hair.

The server places his Whiskey in front of him. 

“Rough day?”. Sam jumped at the voice so close to him. Beside him a young man is seated. His green eyes looking right at him.

“Ehm, you could say that”, Sam answers, unsure of what the stranger wants.

The stranger extends his hand, “Will Dawson”, he introduces himself. Sam takes his hand, “Sam Winchester”, he says with a smile. Something shifts in Will’s eyes.

“So, are you from here?”, Will asks and takes a sip from his drink.

Sam nods. “Yeah. What about you?”, he asks, “are you from around here?”.

Will huffs a laugh and slightly shakes his head. “No, I’m, I’m not from around here”, his green eyes stare deeply into Sam’s brown.

“I live pretty far from here actually”, Will tells him, “about a 9 hour trip. Arrived here only a few hours ago”.

“So you decided to then go out and get a drink?, Sam asks skeptically. 

Will laughs, “well, no”, he says, “two, actually”. That gets a laugh out of Sam.

After a while Will asks him a question. “You said your name’s Winchester, right?”. Sam looks at him questioningly, but Will doesn't continue.

Finally Sam nods, “yes, last name Winchester”. Will studies him thoroughly.

“You don’t happen to know John Winchester, do you?”. Sam freezes. John Winchester. He has been looking for him for years and now some stranger comes and asks him if he knows him. 

“Are you okay?”, Will asks, his face concerned. Sam must look as shocked as he feels.

He shakes his head lightly. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine”, he says, nodding, “ehm, John Winchester, he eh”, Sam looks down into his glass, “he’s my dad”, he answers quietly. 

“You’re his son”, Will states beside him. “Yeah”, Sam mumbles softly.

“You know, this might sound really crazy”, Will says, “but, I was actually looking for you”. Sam looks at him in disbelief. He can’t be serious.

“You see, I met John a while back, but he-”.

“You met him?”, Sam asks, even more in disbelief. 

“Yeah, I did”, Will answers, “but he told me he would only talk to you”.

“He told you my name”, Sam questions. There was no way John Winchester, the most secretive person he knew, would tell some stranger his own son's name.

Will shakes his head. “No”, he says, “but he told me he had a son, and that he would only talk to him”. Will pauses, there is something in his eyes that reminds Sam of his childhood with Dean. 

“He will only talk to you, Sam”.

Younger him would have felt like it was an honor to be the only one his dad would talk to, especially since he never told him anything, It took John weeks to tell him Dean was dead.

But now, being the only one his dad will talk to feels like a stab in the hearth. It feels like the only reason he agrees to talk to Sam is because he knows he’s never going to find him. It’s so pathetic. A complete stranger is able to find and talk to his dad, but he hasn't even seen the glimpse of his dad for three years. It’s pathetic.

“And I really need some information from him”, Will continues, “so can you please help me?”. 

Sam is well aware this is a bad idea, but still only an hour later he finds himself at home waiting for Will to pick him up. 

—

A loud car horn sounds from outside. Looking out the window Sam can see the black Impala from outside the bar. No way the Impala is Will’s.

Upon exiting the apartment building with his duffle bag, he sees that the Impala is indeed Will’s.

Will rolls down his window when he sees Sam coming. 

“You can put your bag in the trunk”, he tells him. Sam does as he’s told. Then he goes to sit in the front, beside Will. 

“Ready to find your dad?”, Will asks as he starts the car.

“Ready as I’ll ever be”, Sam answers as confidently as he can muster.

“Great, then let’s get going”, Will says positively turning out onto the street.

“What makes you think I can help you”, Sam asks after just a few minutes of driving, with the only sound being the motor, and AC/DC playing over the car radio, “I mean, don’t you think the only reason he agrees to talk to me, is because I will never be able to find him?”.

“Do you really think that?”, Will asks, quickly glancing at him before turning his eyes back to the road, “that you will never be able to find him”.

“I’ve tried for three years, Will”, Sam says looking out his window, “and I still haven’t even found his shoe print”.

Will shakes his head slightly, “look Sam, don’t worry about you having to find him, okay?”. Sam looks at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“You don’t have to worry about finding him”, Will states again, “I’ll find him and you’ll talk to him”.

“And how do you plan to find him?”, Sam asks skeptically.

“Trust me, I have my ways”, Will says, quickly meeting Sam's questioning gaze, “my job is finding people”, he explains, “so I know a thing or two about that sort of thing”.

Sam nods even though he’s still skeptical about Will's ability to actually find his dad. 

“And to be fair, I’ve already found him once. Which makes it much easier to find him a second time”, says Will.

“How come it’s easier now, doesn't he know your ways and how to hide from you?”, Sam asks.

“You would think that”, Will says, “but most people don’t think like that when they’re in hiding. And even if he did, he has a reason to want me to find him”.

Sam waits for him to continue, but he doesn't. 

“What’s the reason?”, Sam asks finally. Will gives him a quick look and stays quiet for a few seconds before answering.

“I have something he wants”, he answers, “I can’t give it to him, but I can keep it safe”.

“What is it?”, Sam asks. Will sighs. 

“That”, he says, “I can’t tell you”. Sam looks at him with a puzzled look. 

“Look, the more people that know, the less safe it is”, Will explains. Sam gives him a look. Something in the form of a pouting child. When Will turns his head to look at him, he can’t help but chuckle at the sight.

“Come on, Sammy, don’t give me that look”, Will says,

“I can’t tell you, at least not before we’ve found him”. Sam barely heard the last part.

Sammy.

He hasn't heard that nickname in years. He hasn’t heard it since Dean died. He always used to call him that.

His shock must be pretty visible on his face, because the next time Will looks at him he asks.

“You okay, Sam?”. Hearing Will's voice once more snaps him back to the present.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “yeah, i’m okay”.

“You sure? You look a little pale”, Will says. Sam shakes his head slightly.

“I’m fine, really. I just, I got caught off guard”, he answers, Will gives him a questioning look, “I’m fine, really”, Sam reassures him.

“Okay, if you say so”, Will says, “but if somethings wrong you have to tell me, okay”. Sam nods for an answer.

They sit quietly. Again the only sounds being heard is the car motor and AC/DC.

In the silence a weird feeling of familiarity washes over Sam. It’s like he’s been here before. In this car or with this man or in this situation.

But, the weirdest part is that he has never seen Will before this evening and not the car either.

And this situation, looking for his dad with a stranger, he has certainly not been in before. But he still can’t shake that weird feeling of familiarity. 

—

It was 03:27, when they decided to take into a motel. The room’s small, with two single beds and a tiny bathroom. Will's in there brushing his teeth.

Sam still hasn't been able to shake that weird feeling of familiarity. It’s something about Will, something about his whole being that makes him seem so familiar.

The weirdest part is that he has never met the man before, he knows nothing about him, and still it feels like he should know who this man is, or more like he already knows, he just can’t place him, can’t figure out where in his life he has met this man before. 

“I’m going outside to take a call, I’ll be back in a minute”. Will's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He doesn't have time to answer before Will is out the door.

His sudden exit makes Sam believe that there is something more going on than just finding his dad.

A few minutes later Will returns. 

“Who was it?”, Sam asks, curious about what could be so secret, that he rather stand outside in minus degrees instead of risking Sam hearing what he said.

“No one”, Will is quick to answer.

“Really? Because you exiting the room to talk to ‘no one’ seems pretty weird”, Sam says, very skeptical.

Will sighs and sits on his bed, facing Sam. Sam sits down as well, not caring that he’s still wearing the clothes he has worn the whole day.

“It just feels a little weird telling you anything about my private life”, Will says. 

“This whole situation is a little weird isn’t it?”, Sam says. Will huffs a laugh and nods. 

“It is weird, yes”, Will answers, “I mean I’m a stranger to you. It’s not many people who would trust a stranger to help them find their dad, you know”, he says with a pointed look at Sam. 

“Yeah, trust me I know”, he says, meeting Wills eyes, “but we don’t have to be strangers, right?”. 

“What do you mean?”.

“I mean, that since we’re already spending quite a lot of time together, why not get to know each other at the same time, it’s not like we have to be strangers”, Sam explains.

“You’re like a teacher on the first day of school”, Will states, “but fine, tell me something about yourself”. 

“What do you wanna know?”, Sam questions.

“I don’t know, like…”, Will trails off, looking down on the floor, thinking, “tell me about your family, like why is your dad in hiding?”, he asks, meeting Sam's gaze.

“That”, Sam says, “is a long story”.

“Give me the short version”.

Sam huffs a laugh. “That's easier said than done”. Will shrugs his shoulders.

Sam runs a hand through his brown hair. “Okay, so”, he takes a deep breath, then he begins.

“When I was ten, my brother died”, he pauses, trying not to relive the memories, “he was only fourteen when he passed in the hospital. I took it really hard, cried for years” Sam looks down on the floor, he can’t bear Will's sympathetic eyes, “I guess my dad couldn't take my inability to move on, so he moved on without me… He left me alone in our apartment and since then I haven’t heard from him”, Sam looks up at Will again, “so basically”, he says, “I have no family”, Wills eyes sadden even more, so Sam is quick to say, “but it’s fine, I have a lot of other people”, he even manages a small smile.

“You couldn't have had it easy”, Will states.

“I was fine”, Sam says. “Now, I would like to ask you to do the same thing, tell me about your family”.

Chapter Text

“Dean”, a female voice sounds from the door, “your father is here to say goodbye”. He doesn’t move, doesn't answer. He just lays there, still, in his hospital bed. “Should I let him in?”, the woman speaks again. Dean still doesn't move nor answer. The woman sighs, “Dean, he only wants what’s best for you”. The voice comes closer. “It’s not his fault he can’t handle this”. Dean wants to argue, but he doesn't want to give his father the power of being right. He hates his father, he made him think he was sick, that he needed urgent care. And now he’s going to lose his brother. In reality he has already lost Sam, but he can’t bear the thought so he keeps telling himself it’s coming and that there is still time to say goodbye. Like Uncle Bobby says ‘it’s not the end if you haven’t said goodbye’. He wants to believe that, he needs to believe that. He can’t lose Sam. 

The nurse sighs again, “if you don’t say anything I’m gonna let him in”, she says. Dean doesn't want to see his dad but he doesn't want to say anything either. The woman goes back to the door and opens it, “Mr. Winchester, you can come see him now”. He can hear his fathers footsteps as he approaches the door. “Thank you nurse Adams”, his fathers voice is clear, unmistakable. “Dean”, his father calls for him, but Dean doesn't say anything in return. His father sighs, “can we get some privacy?”, he asks. Probably of the nurse, Dean thinks. “Yes of course”, the female voice says. 

Dean can hear the door open and close and then he’s alone with his dad. “Dean, you have to understand that this is what’s best for you. For us, for Sam”, says his dad, “he deserves a chance to grow up in a normal home”. Normal. His fathers words sting. Like Dean isn’t normal, like he’s some kind of freak just because he happens to be able to carry a child. It’s not his fault, he didn’t ask to be able to do so. And he didn’t mean to get pregnant. His dad had offered to pay for an abortion, but Dean had refused. Even though it wasn’t intentional. He still wanted the child. He just didn’t know that meant losing his family, losing his brother. “It hurts me to have to leave you here”, his dad says. “Then why do you leave me?”, Dean's voice is barely a whisper, but because of the silence in the room his dad can hear it very clearly. His dad sighs, “Because I have to-”. “No you don’t”, he cuts him off. “You made your choice Dean”, his father says, “you can still change your mind, let the doctors do the procedure, come home with me, meet Sammy again”, Dean can feel tears burning in his eyes at his fathers words, “but like this, you’re not coming home like this”. After that Dean stays quiet. He wants his baby, he can’t bring himself to abort it. But how is he supposed to live without his little brother? How is he supposed to leave him?

—

“That”, Will says, “is also a long story”. Sam tilts his head.

“We have time”, he says, “it’s not like we’re following a tight schedule”. Will huffs a laugh.

“Well, eh”, Will's eyes move to look outside the window behind Sam. He sighs heavily.

“Well”, he starts again, “my childhood wasn’t the best, my father hated me and-”. His eyes move back to Sam, meeting his gaze.

“And my brother he, eh, he was really good actually, but way too kind and innocent for this world”.

“Was?”, Sam asks, wondering if something happened to him, something similar to what happened to Dean.

“I, I had to leave him, my father disowned me, and after that I wasn’t allowed to see my brother anymore”.

Will can’t bear to look into Sam's sad eyes any longer, so he averts his eyes to the floor.

“Why did he disown you?”, Sam speaks again, without thinking.

Will looks up at him. “I’m sorry it’s none of my business, I, I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry, I just-”.

“It’s fine, Sam”, Will cuts off his rant of apologies. 

Will sighs, “I guess I kinda, fell in love with the wrong person, according to him”.

Will looks back outside the window, “but honestly, it wasn’t all that bad, that he disowned me”, he continues, “I got to be with the person I love, I got the family I wanted. The only bad thing that came from it was that I lost my brother, but he probably deserved better anyway”. Sam can see the pain in his eyes clearly.

He doesn't know what to say. 

“And now”, Will continues, “even if he would see me now, he wouldn’t recognize me”.

Once again without thinking, Sam speaks, “what makes you think that?”.

Will takes a deep breath in and releases it slowly. Then he says, “I have a feeling”.

Right then Sam's phone rings. ‘Jo’, it says on the screen. Why is she still up?

”I have to take this”, Sam tells Will before he answers. He rises to his feet. 

“Hello”, he goes to stand by the window, looking out at the empty road outside.

“Hi, Sam”, he hears Jo’s voice on the other side of the line.

Will disappears into the bathroom, probably wanting to give him some privacy.

“Why are you calling so late?”, Sam asks.

“Oh I just thought I’d check in with you, make sure you haven’t gotten murdered”. At this point Sam’s glad Will had gone into the bathroom.

“Very funny, Jo”, Sam says sarcastically, “he’s not dangerous”, he states confidentiality. He really hopes he’s right.

“If you say so”, says Jo over the phone, “but really, Sam”, her tone suddenly going very serious, “be careful, we want you back in one piece”, she says.

Sam lets out a heavy breath.
“I’ll be careful, I promise”, he says.

“Even if you really do find your dad, I still need you to be careful, okay? You have no idea what has happened during the three years he’s been gone” , Jo says, her voice has a hint of fear in it. He doesn't point it out. 

It’s not snowing outside. But it’s dark, really dark. Christmas is coming up soon. It’s the third Christmas without his dad, and his fifteenth without Dean.

“I promise to be careful”, he says, “I know my dad isn't to be trusted. I’m only going because I want answers”.

Jo sighs, “good”, she says, “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back, okay?”. Her statement makes Sam smile, at least someone cares about him.

“Okay. I’m looking forward to it”, he says with a chuckle. She laughs.

“Good”, she says, “hopefully I’ll see you soon”. Sam nods to himself. “I’m sure you will”. Jo yawns on the other end of the line.

”You should go to sleep”, Sam states, “you sound tired”.

“I know, I will. I just had to call you first, before going to bed”, she says.

Sam leans against the wall, the stone wall is cold against his back, even though he’s still wearing his shirt. 

“Goodnight, Jo”, he says fondly.

She sighs. “Goodnight, Sam, stay safe”.

“I will”, he promises, and then he ends the call. 

He throws his phone on his bed. He doesn't know what to do if Will has lied to him. It would be a hard reality to swallow, if Will haven’t been telling the truth.

He leans his head against the wall, closing his eyes. He’s really, really hoping that Will is trustworthy. Otherwise he’s going to lose all hope about ever finding his dad.

—

The next morning Sam wakes to the sound from the alarm clock on their shared bedside table. It's a terrible and extremely annoying sound.

Before he can even open his eyes the clock stops ringing. Will must have turned it off, he thinks to himself.

He opens his eyes slowly looking up at the ceiling.

The man in the bed next to his yawns loudly, and gets out of bed. Sam can hear him walk around his bed, up to the window. Suddenly a bright light comes into the room. 

Sam groans, “what time is it?”.

“It’s twelve”, Will says flatly, “get ready, we’re hitting the road as fast as possible. We have a five hour drive in front of us today”.

“Only five?”, Sam asks sarcastically.

“Yeah”, Will says, going back to his bed, “we’re not so far from our destination”.

“Where are we going?”, Sam asks, now realizing that he still has no idea where Will is taking him.

“We’re going to my lodge”, Will tells him, “there, we’re gonna make up a plan on how to find your dad”. Sam nods, sitting up. 

“That sounds okay?”, Will asks, looking up at him from where he’s crouching beside his bag on the floor. 

Sam nods, “yeah, yeah it sounds good”. He gets up from his bed, looking around for his phone.

“Hey Will”, Sam says, “have you seen my phone?”.

“The window sill”, he answers without even looking up from his bag. 

“Thanks”, says Sam, as he picks up his phone.

A call from Bobby and a message. ‘Your friend called me, she told me what you were doing. I just want to say good luck, go get the answers you need’.

He decides to call him back later and places his phone in his pyjama pants pocket. 

“I’ll go get us breakfast, while you get ready”, Will says already halfway out the door, “I saw a cafe around the corner when we arrived last night, so I’ll be gone for half an hour tops. Anything specific you want?”.

“No, just bring me anything, I’m not picky”, he answers, as he pulls on a clean shirt.

"Okay”, Will says, closing the door behind him as he leaves.

—

Will returns with two sandwiches and two coffees. 

“Come on, eat up”, Will says, as he throws one of the sandwiches at Sam that’s laying on his bed. He does not catch it. 

“Thank you”, he says, as he sits up and Will hands him a coffee. 

“I didn’t know if you liked milk and sugar or not, so I guessed”, Will tells him, as he sits down on his bed. 

“Huh, what did you guess?”, Sam asks as he takes a sip of his coffee. 

“Milk, no sugar”.

Sam nods. “That is exactly how I like it," he admits. 

“I guess I did a good job then”, Will says, with a smug smile playing on his lips. Sam chuckles and shakes his head slightly as he takes another sip of his coffee. 

Will stands up from his bed, his half eaten sandwich in hand.

“I’m gonna grab the last of my things, I’m assuming you’re all packed up”, he says as he goes into the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m all set”, Sam answers back.

“Great”, says Will, “then we can get going as soon as I’m ready. We can finish eating in the car”. Will comes out of the bathroom, and kneels beside his bed putting his last thing away in his bag. 

“Like I said, it’s a pretty long drive, so we should be getting on the road as fast as possible”, Will says, closing up his bag.

“I’m ready whenever you are”, Sam says, reaching for his jacket.

"I’m ready”, Will says, standing up and throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

“Great”, Sam says, “I’ll just grab my bag, then we can go”. He grabs his bag off the floor. 

“Let’s go”, Will says, heading out the door, Sam following closely behind.

They leave the keys at the front desk and head down to the car. As they’re about to get into the car, Will gets a call. He checks his phone. 

“This will only take a minute”, he tells him, as Sam gets into the car.

He closes the car door, leaving Will to some kind of privacy.

He knows he shouldn’t listen to Will's private conversations, but he can’t help hearing what he’s saying.

“I don’t know, a few days, maybe weeks”. He can hear Will's voice clearly, but not a word what the other person is saying.

“I know Cas, I know. But it’s all about timing. And I don’t want him to, you know, think I’m a freak or something”. Will is quiet for a while, most likely listening to the person on the other side of the call. 

“Thanks, Cas. I hope you’re right”, Will speaks again, “I do kinda have to go now though, he’s waiting for me”.

He can hear Will chuckle. “Love you too. Tell Mary I said ‘hi’", he’s quiet for a few seconds.

“I know, and I feel really bad lying to her”. Will sighs heavily.

“Okey, bye”. As soon as he finishes the call, Will jumps into the car.

“Sorry it took a while”, he says, “let’s finally get on the road”.

They leave the parking lot, starting their five hour drive for the day.

During the whole car ride Sam can’t stop thinking about Will's phone call. He knows he shouldn’t have listened. But now since he did, he can’t stop wondering what it was actually about.

They talk very little during the five hour drive, it’s like sitting in a car with a stranger. Which is what he’s doing, it’s not like he knows Will.

Even though Will is a complete stranger, the weird familiar feeling from yesterday still lingers in him. 

—

Will parks the Impala at the edge of a forest. 

“The lodge is about 3 miles into the woods”, Will says, “the path is narrow so we’ll have to walk the rest of the way there”.

Sam nods. Even though walking into a forest with a stranger isn’t the best idea, he does feel sure about his decision about following Will. 

“Let’s get going then”, Sam says. He opens the car door and goes to open the trunk to get his bag. Will follows suit. 

“The walk is gonna take about an hour”, Will says, grabbing his bag, “so it will be around 18:45 when we arrive”, Will tells him, throwing a glance at his digital watch. 

“Great”, Sam says, “at least I won’t be sitting down all day”.

Will chuckles. “What, do you get antsy if you don’t have anything to do?”.

Sam laughs, “yeah actually, I kinda do”, he admits. Will shakes his head with a laugh. 

He pulls on a blue jacket on top of his leather one, “well, it’s good you’ll have something to do then”, he says with a smile, while closing his jacket. 

“We’re going that way”, Will says pointing to his right, “it’s the fastest and safest way to the lodge”.

“Sounds great”, Sam says, closing the trunk.

“Yeah”, Will says, “as long as we keep to the trail this will be fun”, he says with humor in his voice. 

“You have experience of it not being fun?”, Sam asks.

“Yeah actually, I do”, Will tells him, “my partner once got lost in this forest”, he says while pulling his bag onto his shoulders, “it took us hours to find him”, he laughs a little to himself, “so please stay on the trail”.

“I will”, Sam says with a chuckle, “I promise”.  

—

After walking for almost an hour they finally reach the lodge. 

“We’re here”, Will says. He reaches for his keys as they walk the last steps to the front door. He unlocks the door letting them in. 

“Welcome”, Will says as he closes the door behind them, “I didn’t really plan for guests so it’s a little dirty, hope you don’t mind”. 

“No worries, I’m not royalty”, Sam says, getting a chuckle out of Will. 

“Make yourself at home”, he says, “I’ll go get some stuff from my office, I’ll be back in a minute”, Will says, throwing his bag at the floor before walking into a short corridor and entering one of the rooms there.

Sam is left alone standing in the kitchen. From where he’s standing he can see a living room to his right, a couple couches and a TV. Not too shabby actually. 

“Hey Sam!”, Will shouts for him from inside his office.

“Yeah?”, he answers back.

“Can you check the top drawer in the kitchen, the one closest to the fridge? Can you look if there’s a small, black box in there?”, Will asks. 

“Sure, I’ll check”, Sam shouts back.

He walks over to the kitchen drawers. And opens the drawer Will asked him to and starts looking through it.

No black box, just a bunch of papers. “Here’s just paper!”, Sam shouts through the house.

“You sure?”, Will shouts back, “try looking under the paper”.

Sam does as he’s asked to. Still no black box.

But what he does find, makes him freeze in place.

An envelope with the name ‘Winchester’ on it. He takes it out. It’s opened. He knows he shouldn’t look inside it. But seeing his own last name on an envelope in a stranger's house makes him too curious to not look closer at its contents.

The envelope contains a few more papers. He takes them out and lays them down on the counter. He takes a deep breath, nervous of what he’s going to find.

He picks up one of the papers. It’s a letter, assigned to his dad, John Winchester. But it’s also signed off by Dean Winchester.

Sam almost chokes when he sees his brother's name. Why the hell does Will have this?  

Now he’s more than curious what it says on the rest of the papers.

He’s almost panicked when he picks up another paper. It’s a birth certificate.

A birth certificate of ‘Mary Alexandra Winchester’. Almost his mothers full name, but definitely not his mother.

Date of birth: 6.22.2003. Fifteen years ago. He checks the name of the birth giver and his heart almost stops.

The name of the birth giver is Dean Winchester.

Sam has to grab and lean against the kitchen counter to keep himself on his feet.

What is going on? How is that even possible? Why the hell does Will have this?

He tries to regain his composure and quickly picks up the last paper. It feels like his heart is about to either stop or burst out of his chest, when he looks at the paper and sees what it is, he feels like he’s about to pass out.

It’s a name change certificate that reads: ‘Former Name: Dean Winchester’

‘New Name: Will Dawson’.

Chapter Text

It can’t be true. His dad must be lying to him. Dean can’t be gone. Dean can’t be dead. He needs him. He needs his brother. Dean can’t be dead, gone forever, he just can’t. Hot tears fall along his face. He can’t imagine a life without his brother. Without someone to hug him, to play with him, to comfort him, to make him smile. He wants Dean to come back. “Sammy, Dean is-he’s dead”, his dad had told him. Just out of nowhere he told him he would never see his brother, his best friend, ever again. He told him he was gone, forever gone. Never to return. Dean’s never going to hug him again, even though that’s exactly what Sam needs, a hug from his big brother, that's all he wants right now, nothing else. He didn’t even get to say goodbye. Dean left this world without saying ‘goodbye’. “Sam, it was his time to go”, his dad had said, a weak attempt to comfort him. He hates his dad. It wasn’t Dean's time, not when Sam still needs him. He’s never gonna make it without his big brother to help him up when he falls. How is he ever supposed to make it?

—

Sam lets the paper fall out of his hands. He feels dizzy. How is this even possible?

He leans against the counter, steadying himself. He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn't know if he can believe this.

He swallows hard. His head is pounding and his heart beats faster than ever before.

“Sam”, a voice snaps him out of his complet state of shock and panic. He turns to look at who just said his name. It’s Will, Dean.

He can’t look at him. He doesn't know if he can believe what he just read. He looks down at the papers on the counter. He can feel his breath hitching, and his heart still pounding fast. 

“Sam, what’s going on?”, the voice asks. Sam can’t think of who's speaking, he doesn't know who’s speaking.

“Sam?”, the voice comes closer, touches his shoulder. He jumps back, looking the owner to the voice in the eyes. In those green, weirdly familiar eyes.

“You”, Sam doesn’t know what to say. His eyes flicker between the counter and the man in front of him.

The man looks at the counter and sees the papers lying on top of it. Relizaition spreads over his face. He knows exactly what Sam has seen.

“Sam”, he tries, “Sam I can explain, okay? Please let me explain”, he pleads.

Sam’s breath slows just a little, and so does his heart even though it’s still beating hard in his chest.

“Please, Sam”.

“Is it real?”, Sam questions, “all it says in those papers?”.

The man in front of him nods. “Yeah, it’s all real. All of it. I promise”. For some reason Sam relaxes a bit at his words.

Dean. 

“Dean”, he says, very unsure if he actually should.

A small smile spreads on the man's lips, he nods. “Yeah, Sammy, it’s me”, he says, his voice thick.

If it wouldn’t be for the papers he has just read, he would probably not believe him. It is really his big brother standing in front of him. He has no idea how to feel. But with all his being he knows what he wants to do. He takes a few steps closer to him.

“Sam”, Dean says, “are you okay?”.

Sam lets out a sad chuckle, he shakes his head. Then he pulls his big brother into a tight hug. Dean hugs him back immediately. Giving him the hug he has needed for fifteen years.

Tears start falling down his cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much”, he whispers, “I thought you were dead”. Dean hugs him tighter.

“I know”, he says, his voice shaky, “I know. It’s not our fault, it’s not our fault”. Sam has no idea what to think, no idea what to feel.

But it doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is that Bobby was right. It’s not the end if you haven't said goodbye.

He got his brother back.

—

“Are you gonna let me explain?”, Dean asks, sitting down on one of the couches, “or are you gonna keep asking questions without waiting for an answer?”. Sam sits down at the other end of the couch.

“Sorry, it’s just”, he runs his hand through his hair, “I’m still in shock. Like, I thought you were dead. For years I thought you were dead. It’s just, so crazy to me to actually see you alive”. Dean lets out a small chuckle. 

“Yeah, I figured dad would tell you something like that”, he says, “it’s not like he would let you believe you could find me”. Sam sighs.

“What really happened?”, Sam asks, “like from what I know, it must have been a lot”. Dean lets out a sad chuckle.

“You’re right, a lot did happen”, he admits, “a big part of it my fault, but, our dad played a huge part in it too”.

He sighs loudly. “Do you really want to know what happened?”, he asks, “it’s not a pretty story in any way”. 

Sam nods, “yeah, I do”, he says, “my brother was dead for fifteen years, but then it turns out he’s actually alive and has a whole family”, the last part is like a whisper.

He doesn't know anything about Dean's family. And probably doesn't have any right to talk about it either.

Dean lets out a deep breath, looking down at the floor. Then he nods.

“I’ll tell you what happened, with our dad, with me”, says Dean, “if you promise not to think I’m some kind of freak”, he looks up, meeting Sam's eyes again. 

“I would never think you’re a freak”, Sam assures him. 

“Dad said you would”, his voice is just a whisper when he says it.

“Dad doesn't know much about me”, Sam states, “he never did. I would never think anything bad about you”.

Dean sighs lightly. “Okay. I believe you”, he says. He shifts position on the couch.

“Do you remember back in the day, when I was really sick right before dad told you I died in the hospital?”. Sam nods.

“Before the hospital, I didn’t know, but, I was pregnant, and that was the reason I was sick”, Dean looks for any kind of judgement in Sam’s eyes but there's none.

He takes a deep breath and continues. 

“When dad found out that I was pregnant, he told me I had to get an abortion. I refused, without knowing what consequences he would give me”. Sam looks at him with sad, concerned eyes.

“When I told him I was keeping the baby, he said I wouldn’t be coming home anymore”, he looks down at the floor, not wanting to look his brother in the eyes, “he said he had to protect you, that you deserved to grow up in a normal home”. He clenches his fists. Sadness painting his features, as he continues. 

“I felt terrible about leaving you alone with dad, I was scared he was gonna treat you like he treated me. But, I couldn’t abort my baby, I just couldn’t”, he explains, tears brimming his eyes. 

“Dean”, Sam says, “what did dad do to you?”. Dean looks up, meeting his eyes. He swallows thickly.

“Like I said, according to him, I fell in love with the wrong person. He simply couldn’t accept that-”, he hesitates for a moment, but not for long, “that I loved a man. He thought he could beat that love out of me. Thought that if he hurt me enough I wouldn’t want to love that boy anymore”, he chuckles sadly to himself looking down. 

“Clearly that didn’t work, but it’s still one of the worst things that happened to me. Knowing that my dad hated a part of me so much he was willing to hurt me until I was bleeding and crying, just to scare me away from that part of myself”.

Sam shifts his position on the couch. He hates that Dean has suffered so much from their fathers actions, and he has a feeling that he still doesn't even know the half of it all.

“To be honest the beatings were one of the main reasons I didn’t really fight to get home after the hospital”, Dean admits, “I let him leave me, didn’t beg him to take me home with him, because I knew I would suffer when I got there“, he looks back up, “I’m sorry, Sam, for leaving you alone. I’m really sorry”. Sam gives him a sad smile.

“Dean, it's not your fault and you didn’t do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for”, he assures him.

Dean shouldn’t believe that he did something wrong in choosing himself .

“But, I left you, Sam, even though I knew what dad could do”, his eyes starts to fill with tears as he unwillingly recalls what their dad did to him.

“You chose yourself, what you wanted and needed, “Sam says, “and wasn’t it worth it? You got the family you wanted right?”, a soft, kind smile on his lips as he speaks.

“Yeah”, Dean says, “yeah, I did”, he looks down with a small smile playing on his lips, “I did get the family I always wanted. And honestly”, he looks up again, “I couldn’t be happier”.

Sam feels a relief knowing his brother is happy, that he’s living the life he wants and deserves. 

“You know you’re obligated to also tell me about your family right?”, he says with a smile. 

Dean huffs a laugh, “oh yeah? Is that so?”, he asks humorously.

Sam chuckles, “eeeh, yeah, obviously”, he says with a smile. Dean laughs lightly.

“Okay fine, I’ll tell you. And if I’m honest”, says Dean, “the plan is for you to meet each other”, he admits with a smile.

“I would love to meet them”, Sam says.

The look of appreciation and relief in Dean’s eyes makes Sam realize that Dean was actually really worried about his approval and what he would think.

‘I don’t want him to think I’m a freak or something’, he had told someone over the phone.

A part of him hurt because of that, that Dean had been worried about him judging him. But of course he also understands why he had been worried, it was because of how their dad had treated him. He probably thought Sam would hate that part of him as much as their dad did.

“I know they would love you”, Dean says. Sam smiles happily.

“What a relief”, Sam says playfully, making Dean chuckle.

“So”, Sam says, crossing one leg over the other, “tell me about them. I have to know who I’m meeting, don’t I?”.

Dean chuckles at his statement. “Yeah, sure”, he says, Sam gestures for him to continue.

“Well, okey, ehh. I, I have a daughter, which I assume you already found out”, Dean tells him.

Sam nods, “yeah. Mary, right?”.

Dean nods, “yes, we decided on Mary, kinda to honor mom, you know”.

“It’s a beautiful name”, Sam comments, “I’m sure it suits her”. 

Dean laughs, “yeah, it really does”. He visibly relaxes hearing Sam’s approval. 

“And, I have my partner, his name’s Castiel, but almost everyone calls him Cas”.

Cas, the person Dean talked to over the phone.  

“Is he-”, Sam starts, but stops himself, unsure if it’s appropriate to ask.

“Is he, what?”, Dean questions. “I shouldn’t ask, it’s none of my business”, Sam says.

“You’re my brother Sam”, Dean says, “you can ask me anything, I won’t be upset or anything”. 

Sam sighs, “you sure? It’s really none of my business”. 

Dean gives him a pointed look, “Sam, I’m sure. Come on just ask”. 

Sam sighs dramatically, “it’s really not that serious”, Dean gestures for him to just ask. 

Sam chuckles, “okay, fine. I was just gonna ask if your partner is Mary's father? But it doesn't really matter, does it?”, he says.

Dean shakes his head lightly, with a fond smile on his lips. “Yes, Sam, Cas is Mary's biological father”, Dean says nodding, “we’ve been together for about seventeen years now, and still going strong”. 

“He’s a good dad?”, asks Sam.

Dean nods again, “really good, and the best partner I could wish for”. Sam chuckles softly, he loves hearing that Dean’s happy and that even though his childhood was rough, he made it out and better than ever.

“You really deserve it, being this happy”, Sam tells him. 

“Thanks”, Dean says, “I just, kinda wish I got to share it with you, from the start, you know”. 

“Me too”, Sam admits, “it would have been great, having you in my life and being a part of yours. But life isn’t always like you want it to be”, he says, “so we’ll just have to make the best of it”. 

Dean huffs, “I guess you’re right. And at least we’ve found each other now. I mean, it’s never too late to start”, he says, “I really wanna keep you in my life, now that I finally found you again, Sammy”.

Sam smiles at the nickname, it reminds him of the good times in their childhood, times he wants to remember.

“Good”, Sam says, “cause you’re not getting rid of me now. You’re stuck with me from now on”, he says playfully. Dean laughs. Overjoyed to have found his little brother. And filled with relief that he doesn’t have to hide anymore, and hope that everything is going to work out.

Now they just have to find their dad. Then they can go home. And Sam can finally meet Castiel and Mary. Dean has dreamt of the day the most important people for him will meet. And in probably just a few days, it will finally come.

Chapter Text

“Sam! Sammy!”, he can hear his brother's voice getting closer. He considers scaring him when he walks past, but decides against it. After all, he wants to win the game. “Come out, come out wherever you are”. Dean's voice is getting closer. He has no idea for how long he’s been hiding or if Dean had been hiding longer the previous round. The one that stays hidden the longest wins. He can hear his brother's footsteps as he walks past the corner plant he’s hiding behind. It sounds like Dean walks into the kitchen. Then it goes quiet, Sam can only hear his own breathing. The floor creaks. They live in an old house, so it often does that, even when there’s no one there. “You want a hug?”. Sam jumps at the quiet voice so close to his ear. Followed by Dean laughing. “Did I scare you?”, he asks between laughs. “No! You didn’t”, Sam says defensively. “Yes I did”, Dean says, “you almost peed your pants”, he starts to laugh even more at his own comment. “If you continue to laugh like that you're actually gonna pee your pants”, Sam says flatly. But after just a few seconds he bursts out laughing as well. He has no idea who won the game, but he does know that he always has the most fun with his brother.

—

Dean leads Sam into a small office full of bookcases with files, books and papers. A dark, wood desk is placed in the middle of the room.

On the desk is a bunch of papers and maps spread out, and a small black box placed on the edge of it. 

“You found the box”, Sam comments. Dean huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, I did”, he walks up to one of the bookshelves, “I didn’t know Cas had left those papers in that drawer. I wasn't planning on letting you find out about everything like that”, he says, as he pulls out a blue folder from the shelf. 

“Here”, says Dean, “is all the information we need to find dad. It’s not much, but it should be all we need”. He puts the folder down on the desk and pulls out a map from it.

There’s red circles drawn in seven different places on the map.

”Here”, Dean says pointing at one of the circles, “here is where I met him last and before that, I saw him at this bar”, he says pointing to a different circle.

“So, either, he has stayed in the same area, which is my best guess”, Dean says, “or he has moved more south. But either way he can’t have gotten far”, he explains. 

“So which path are we taking?”, Sam asks. Dean looks up from the map, facing Sam.

“That's up to you”, he says, “you know him better than I do”. 

“Okay, eh”, Sam takes a few steps closer to the map, “you said he was here last”, he says pointing at the map. 

“Yeah, exactly”, says Dean.

“Then, let's search that area”, Sam concludes, a little unsure of himself. Dean nods, taking the map of the table. 

“Let’s do it”.

—

About three hours later they’re back at the car.

“It’s an almost three hour drive to town”, Dean tells him, “we can stop on the way and get something to eat, at least we have to stop for some fuel for Baby”, he says patting the car.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take to find dad?”, Sam asks. 

Dean sighs, “I don’t know, Sam. He’s a tricky guy, hard to find”.

He gets into the driver's seat, and Sam in the front seat. 

“I know, Dean. I just, I’ve been looking for almost three years for him and still haven't found him”, Sam says, “what makes us think we’ll find him now?”. A small hint of desperation and exhaustion in his voice as he speaks.

“Sam, we’ll find him”, Dean says, his voice calm, “I know we will”.

“How?”, Sam questions, “we barely know where to start looking, and like you said, it’s hard to find him, really hard, it’s like-”

“Because someone knows where he is”, he interrupts his rant. Sam quiets.

“What?”. 

“There is one person that knows almost everything about him, about John Winchester”, Dean explains, “someone who takes care of all his paperwork, his bills, his affairs, all of that. So if we can’t find dad, we should be able to find the person making sure he can keep hiding”, Dean says, “I don’t know who it is, yet. But trust me, if we need to, we’ll find the guy”.

Sam doesn’t know what to say. 

“You trust me?”, Dean questions, “I really need you to trust me”.

Sam nods, “I trust you, always”, he says.

“Good. And I assure you that one way or another we’ll find him, okay. It might take a while but we’ll find him, together”, Dean says, his eyes focused on Sams. 

“And also”, he continues, “no matter what he tells you, remember that you’re not alone anymore, Sam. You have me now”. Sam nods, feeling ters burning his eyes. 

“Thanks”, he says, “I won’t forget that”. 

Dean smiles at him, “good”, he says, “cause I’m more than ready to take you back into my life again. I’ve missed having you around, you know”. Sam lets out a small chuckle.

“I’ve missed you too”, he sighs, leaning his head against the seat, “more than you can imagine”. 

Dean chuckles, “I actually think I can imagine”, he says, “I lost my brother too, you know”, he teases. 

“Well, good then that you got him back”, Sam says with a smile.

“Yeah, really good actually”, Dean replies.

—

“Catch!”, Sam shouts as he throws Dean a wrapped burger. Dean catches it with one hand, the other still filling the Impala. 

“Thanks, Sammy. You got drinks too?”.

“Yeah, but those I’m not throwing”, he says, showing up the two glass bottles of soda he bought from the gas station.

“What, you don't trust me to catch it?”, Dean questions, while paying for gas.

“You said it”, Sam admits with a laugh. Dean huffs a laugh. 

“How long until we reach the town?”, Sam asks before opening his soda.

“About an hour”, Dean says, taking the other soda. Sam nods.

“Then, how long it’s gonna take to find the bastard is a totally different question”, Dean says, “it could take days, weeks”.

“And when do we start looking for the other guy?”, Sam asks.

“I’d say, that if we don’t find dad for a week, then we go after the other guy”, he answers.

“Sounds good to me”, Sam says, getting into the car, “you’re not gonna miss your family too much?”, he asks as Dean sits in the car as well. Dean sighs. 

“I’ll miss them,” he says,  “I always do when I’m away, but they'll be there when I get back”, he says. Sam nods.

He feels a little bad for keeping Dean away from his family, but he does really need his help finding their dad. 

“So”, Dean says, “tell me about your life, Sammy. I mean, I basically know nothing about you anymore”. 

Sam chuckles, “there isn’t much to tell, De.”

Dean starts the car, leaving the gas station behind.

“Oh come on man”, he protests, “you’d have to do something , it’s been fifteen years”. 

Sam sighs and shakes his head playfully. “I don’t know, I have, you know, studied”.

“Studied what?”, Dean asks.

“Law”.

Dean gives him an approving nod.

“Really now?”, he says, “you studying law. Not bad”. 

Sam chuckles, “yeah, and, I got my own apartment a while ago and I’m also kinda planning on getting a dog, but I’ll have to see with school and everything”.

“It sounds like you have your life pretty put together”, Dean comments, “I’m proud of you, Sam”. 

Sam smiles, “thanks, I’m trying”.

Chapter Text

“Why’d you do it?”, he asks, his voice almost cracking at the end. He can feel tears brimming his eyes. “Because I had to, Dean”, the man in front of him answers. “No you didn’t”, he argues, “you had a choice, you didn’t have to leave me”, he can feel the sadness burning in his chest. “You know exactly why I had to leave you”. A cold wind sweeps through the air, shaking the trees and bushes surrounding them. “Because you had to protect Sam?”, Dean asks, his tone accusing, “that’s bullshit and you know it, John”, he takes a few steps closer to his father, “you left me because in your eyes what I am is wrong, and you couldn't have that. Because how could John Winchester ever accept that his son was in love with a man”, the volume of his voice increases as he speaks, at the end he’s almost shouting. “I don’t care who you love, boy. As long as you don’t infect your brother with that crap”. Dean lets out a dry chuckle. “Infect?”, his voice dry and filled with hurt, “like it’s some kind of disease”.

His father rolls his eyes at him, “oh please, both of us know that it was that Novak boy who made you this way. If he wouldn’t have been in your life this would never have happened”. He wants to shout, and cry. Why does his father have to be like this? Why can’t he just accept him? But then again, why is he even disappointed? His dad has always been this way, always. “I have always been this way”, Dean says, trying to keep his voice steady, “you just didn’t see it because you don’t know me”. John shakes his head, “I wish you would just realise that this is all wrong and-”. “And I wish for my childhood back”, Dean interrupts, “but none of our wishes will ever come true”.

For a short moment no one says anything. The only sound is the wind in the trees and the owl hooting in the distant night. Dean takes a deep breath. “Just tell me where the ring is”, he says. “You don’t deserve that ring”, his father answers, “I won’t tell you where to find it. You don’t deserve it”. Dean takes a deep breath. “So you’re saying what? That I’m not your son anymore?”, his father just stares at him, doesn’t say a word, so Dean continues, “do you really care that little about me, that you won’t even let me have this one thing?”, he asks. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to have it”, his father states, “she would have been just as ashamed of you as I am”. Dean shakes his head, “no”, he says, “she wouldn’t, because when she was still alive she always used to tell me that she would do anything for me, no matter what”, the tears are burning hot in his eyes, but he can’t let himself cry, not now. “I’m not telling you where that ring is, Dean. Your mother might have meant it for you but she isn’t her now, is she?”, says his father, looking him deep in the eyes, “I’m only ever telling my normal son where it is, not you”. His fathers words are like a bullet through his heart, more painful than he has ever felt before.

—

“Are you sure you haven’t heard of him?”, he asks the lady behind the counter.

She nods, “yes, I’m sure”. Dean sighs.

“Okey, thank you for your time”. He leaves the coffee shop to go tell Sam that they might have to start looking for the other guy soon. 

“Any luck?”, Sam asks as soon as his brother is within hearing range.

“No, I’ve got nothing. No one seems to know who or where he is”, he answers. Sam sighs loudly. 

“You think it’s time we go find the other guy?”, Dean asks. 

Sam nods, “yeah, it’s probably time”, he declares.

“Right, let’s go then”, he says, hopping into the car. 

“Where are we going?”, Sam asks as he sits in the car.

Dean reaches over him and opens the glove box, pulling out something that looks like a passport.

“Police station”, Dean says, showing him a police badge.

“You’re a cop?”, Sam questions.

Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “Nope, this one's fake”.

“Ah, right, ‘cause that’s totally normal, to just have a fake police badge laying around in your glove box”, Sam says sarcastically. 

“Hey, no one said we would do this the legal way”, Dean says, “so we’re doing this my way”.

“I just don’t really like the idea of lying to the police”, he defends. 

“We are the police”, Dean says, showing off the badge, Sam gives him a pointed look, “c'mon Sammy, you don’t have to worry about anything, I’ve done this millions of times, it’s fine”. Sam looks at him skeptically.

“The fact that you have done this millions of times is supposed to make me feel better?”, he questions. Dean nods. 

“Right, okay. I trust you Dean, but if you get caught, you’re on your own”. 

Dean chuckles, “don’t worry, Sammy, I won’t get caught”.

“If you say so”, Sam says as Dean starts the car setting off towards the police station. 

—

“Hi, do you have anything on the name Winchester?”, Dean asks the guy sitting behind the reception desk at the police station. 

“Who’s asking?”, the guy questions.

“Agent Miller”, he answers, holding up the badge. The guy behind the desk gives him a weird look.

“Mhm, you don’t look like a cop”, he comments. 

“Neither do you, but here we are”, Dean says, giving him a fake smile. 

“Now tell me, what do you have on the name Winchester?”. The guy behind the desk sighs heavily, but turns to his computer. 

“Nothing much”, the guy says after a while. Dean expects him to continue but he doesn’t. 

“What do you have?”, he asks, already irritated with the guy. 

“Nothing much”. Dean sighs.

“Yeah, I got that. But what do you have?”, the guy just looks at him with a blank expression, “look I need all the information I can get, the case I’m working is extremely important. And we believe the Winchesters play a big role in this. So can you stop being a bitch about it and tell me what you have?”, his voice rises slightly at the end, getting a reaction out of the guy at the reception. 

“Fine”, he sighs, and turns back to his computer, makes a few clicks and a few seconds later the printer behind him spits out a few papers.

“Here”, the guy hands Dean the papers. 

“Thank you”, he says, with a visibly fake smile, “I hope you have a day as pleasant as you”, he says as he leaves the police station.

—

“What you got?”, Sam asks as Dean gets into the car.

“Nothing much”, he tells him.

“A few addresses and dates, dad’s name and an e-mail”, he continues, looking through the papers.

“Is it addresses around town?”, Sam asks.

“A few are”, Dean tells him, “and the rest are just outside”.

“How many are there?”.

“Five in total”, Dean answers, “three in town and two outside”.

“Any idea what the addresses are?”, asks Sam.

“One of them is his old address it says, and one says it’s a storage unit”, Dean tells him reading from the paper. 

“Both in town?”.

“Yeah”, Dean answers, handing Sam the papers, “where to now?”.

“You’re asking me?”.

“Yeah”, Dean says with a shrug. Dean never let him decide when they were kids, so it’s kind of a shock to Sam that Dean asks him what to do. 

“The third address in town”, Sam says, “should we go there first?”, he asks.

“Sure we can, let’s go”, Dean says, starting up the car once more, and setting off to whatever the third address in town is. 

—

They end up outside an old apartment building. Vines growing along the dirty brick wall and the fire escape looking like it’s about to collapse. 

“This is it?”, Sam asks.

“This is the address”, Dean says, “apartment seven. Should we check it out?”.

“Do we have to?”, Sam asks, really not wanting to enter the building in front of them. 

“No”, Dean says, “but if we want to have a chance of finding dad we should”. Sam groans. 

“Why does he have to be like this?”.

“Good question, Sammy. I don’t know”, Dean says, “let’s go now, we won’t get out if we never go in”, he says and pats Sam's shoulder before exiting the car. Sam sighs, before exiting the car as well.

When they enter the building a strong earthy smell hits them. 

“Mold”, Dean comments flatley. 

“Great”, Sam says sarcastically, “it’s even worse than I thought”. Dean huffs a laugh and starts walking up the stairs.

“It could always be worse”, he comments, “it could be full of dead bodies for example”. He turns his head to look at Sam, who gives him a tired look.

“Seriously dude”, he says dryly. Dean only chuckles and keeps walking up the stairs.

The seventh apartment is on the top floor, so they have to walk up four sets of stairs to reach it since the building doesn't have an elevator.

“I should really work out more often”, Dean says to himself as they reach the top floor.

They go up to the door for apartment seven. There is no name on the door.

“Should we knock?”, Sam asks. Dean rolls his eyes at him and knocks on the door. They wait for a few seconds but no one opens.

He knocks again. Nothing. 

“Are you looking for someone?”, a female voice behind them asks.

The boys turn around to see a young brunette standing at one of the apartment doors. 

“Yeah, actually”, Dean says, taking a step forward, “we’re looking for a man with the name Winchester”, he says, showing her his police badge. She takes a quick look at the badge.

“Well, you won't find anything there”, she says, “whoever used to live there”, she points towards apartment seven, “hasn't been home for a few years”.

“You think they will mind if we take a look inside?”, Sam asks. The girl shrugs. 

“No idea, but like I said, no ones been there for years”’.

“I think we’ll take a look inside”, Dean declares, “thank you for your time”.

The girl nods and turns towards the stairs, leaving the brothers to it.

“Any experience opening locks?”, Sam asks jokingly.

“Yeah, actually, I do”, Dean admits, pulling out some metal things from his inner pocket. And a short while later he has opened the door to the apartment.

“Wow. You have to tell me more about what you do”, Sam says. 

“Yeah, I’ll tell you later”, Dean says smugly.

The apartment is dark and almost empty, only a few pieces of furniture in various places. 

“This won’t take long to search through”, Dean comments, “I’ll take the bedroom, you take the kitchen, you have a tendency to find important stuff there”, he says with a smile. Sam huffs a laugh, but sets off for the kitchen.

Looking through drawers and cabinets. He can hear Dean searching through the bedroom.

After a while Dean exits the bedroom, coming into the kitchen.

“You found anything?”, Sam asks.

“Yeah”, Dean answers, “this”, he holds up an old phone, “it has only one number on it, no name just a number”. 

“Let me see”, Sam says, reaching for the phone. Dean hands it over to him. He looks through it and finds nothing,  just the number Dean mentioned.

For some reason when he looks at the number it seems familiar, like he has seen it before, maybe even on his own phone. 

“Hold on”, he says, pulling out his own phone. He scrolls through his contacts until he finds the one he’s looking for. There. 

“I know who's number this is”, he says looking up at Dean.

“You do?”, asks Dean, “how?”. 

“Look”, he says, showing his own screen, “I have the same number in my phone”. Dean looks at his screen then back at Sam, a questioning look on his face.

“Whose number is it?”, he asks. 

“Dean, it’s Bobby's number”.

Chapter Text

“Please stop, dad please”, he begs his father to stop but nothing can change John Winchester's mind. “Dad please, please, stop”, he can feel hot tears falling down his cheeks. Or were his cheeks already hot? He can’t tell. “You deserve this”, his father snarls at him, “you did this to yourself. It was your own choice, not mine!”. His fathers big hand hits his face, hard. Leaving a burning print on his wet cheek. “I told you to keep away from the Novak boy and then I see you holding his hand!”, his father shouts. Deans frozen in place. He can’t move, can’t say a word, can’t breathe. His father raises his hand again. “Just so you know, Dean”, he says, calmly. To calmly. “You deserve this”. And he hits again. And again. And again. 

—

“Seems like we’ll have to visit uncle Bobby”, Dean says, looking up at Sam, “let’s go”. He leaves the old phone on the kitchen table and the brothers leave the building.

“Have you had any contact with people from your past?”, Sam asks, as they hop into the car.

“Nah”, Dean answers, “I didn’t wanna take any risks”. Sam nods.

“Right”, he says, “so everybody just thinks you’re dead?”, Sam asks, looking a little bit concerned.

“Yeah pretty much”, says Dean, giving him an upside down smile. Sam sighs lightly. He can’t imagine living his life without the people he knows while they all think he’s dead, he has no idea how Dean does it.

“But it’s not that bad”, Dean admits, “I mean, sure I miss everybody, but-”, he looks out through the front window of the Impala, “I don't think everybody would be as approving of my life choices as you”, he looks back at Sam, “take dad for example, he disowned me for it”. 

“Very few of the people we knew are like dad”, Sam states.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, he says, looking back out the window, “but I really didn’t wanna take any chances you know. I’ve built a life for myself, a great life. I don’t want any ghosts from the past coming back to haunt me”.

Sam nods, very well understanding what his brother means and why, but he still wishes he would give some of them a chance.

—

Sam knocks on the door to Bobby Singer's house. A few quiet seconds go by before the man himself opens the front door. 

“Sam”, he says, “I had no idea you were coming. I would-”.

“I’m sorry this visit’s a little sudden”, he interrupts, “but we really had to see you”.

“We?”, Bobby questions, giving Sam a weird look. 

“Yeah, ehm. We found something that we want to talk to you about”, Sam explains.

“I understood that, I’m not an idiot, idiot”, Bobby says, “but who are we?”, he asks.

“ We ”, Dean steps out from behind the door, “me and Sam, wants to talk to you”, he says.

Bobby looks a little surprised but not necessarily shocked. Like he knows more than they originally thought.

He sighs, “Dean”, he says, “so you finally decided to show yourself to the world”. Dean and Sam both give him a confused look. 

“What?”, Dean says quietly.

Bobby sighs deeply, “come on in, we have a lot to talk about”.

“You don’t say?”, Dean says, following Bobby into his house.

They sit down in the living room on some dusty couches as Bobby offers them beer. 

“I’ve missed having you boys around”, he says, as he sits down in an armchair across from them, “it’s always so quiet without you two”. Sam rolls his eyes fondly, a small smile painted on his lips. 

“You talk like it hasn't been fifteen years since I was here last”, Dean says, taking a sip from his beer. Still the same brand as when he was little. 

Bobby takes a deep breath, “look boys, there’s a lot that you don’t know”, he says.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “like why your number is the only one on dad’s phone”.

“And how you knew I was alive”, Dean says. 

“Look”, Bobby starts, “I will tell you everything, answer all your questions. But only if you answer mine”. The boys look at him a little skeptical, but nonetheless they agree.

“Fine, but you start”, Dean says, leaning back on the couch, “why are you the only person our dad contacts?”, he asks. 

“The truth?”, Bobby asks, Sam and Dean nod.

“Because John wants me to keep an eye on Sam, and update him about how you're doing”, he looks at Sam as he speaks and sees his eyes twist with a tiny bit of hurt. 

“You tell him everything?”, Sam asks, voice blank.

Bobby shakes his head, “no, I couldn’t do that to you”, he says, “I know what John is capable of, I can’t risk you getting exposed to it”.

“Thank you”, Dean says, “for keeping him safe”. Bobby nods at him.

“I wanted to”, he says. Dean smiles at him. He knows that Bobbys a good man, that he can trust him. Or at least that he could. 

“What have you told him?”, Sam asks.

Suddenly Bobby looks ashamed, “about your school and that you’re doing fine, that you moved and your friends and stuff like that”. Sam nods slowly, not knowing what to say. 

“Is it bad?”, Bobby asks. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s good”, Sam says, “but, I guess, it could always be worse”, he gives a little shrug, not really knowing how to feel about this. 

Bobby nods, “right”, he says, then nothing more.

Dean can sense the awkwardness creeping through, so he changes the subjects. 

“So how did you know I was alive?”, he asks, sitting up more. 

“Easy”, Bobby says, “your daddy told me”. 

“He just told you I wasn’t dead?”, Dean questions. 

“Yeah, pretty much”, says Bobby, “he also told me to let you go, that you weren’t-”, he cuts himself off. 

“Go on”, Dean says, “whatever it is I can take it, I’ve heard worse from the old man himself” 

Bobby breathes out heavily, “he told me you weren’t his family anymore and that he only had one son”. It hurts, not as much as a lot of other things, but it still hurts, especially since it’s Bobby's voice saying it.

“I wanted to find you, make sure you were okay, but-”

“He stopped you?”, Dean questions.

Bobby nods. Dean breathes deeply. He truly hates his father for everything he did. 

“Is it you that has been taking care of all his affairs?”, Dean asks, ignoring Bobby's apologetic look. 

“Yeah, that’s me”, Bobby admits, “I mean, I’m not proud of it, but, someone had to do it. And if I didn’t people would start looking for him, and then you”, he says looking between the boys, none of them say anything.

“Now I feel like it’s my turn to ask a question”, says Bobby.

“Right okay, shoot”, Dean says, once again leaning back on the couch. 

“Why are you here?”. Sam and Dean exchange a quick look, then Sam speaks. 

“We have to find dad, and according to the info we already have, you probably have a clue on where he is”. 

“I don’t only have a clue, I do know where he is, exactly”, Bobby says.

“Great, then you can tell us where he is”, Sam says, a look of hope flashing over his face.

“I can”, Bobby says, “but, boys, whatever you think he can give you, it’s not worth it, he’s not worth it. If I were you I would forget about him, let him fade into a forgotten memory. Because you two deserve better than him. But it’s up to you, if you want to find him I’ll help you, and if you don’t I know you won’t regret it”

They nod.“Thanks Bobby, but I think we'll still take his address”, Sam says looking at Dean, whose expression doesn’t tell him anything, it’s completely blank. Bobby sigs but nods. 

“Okay, I’ll write it down for you and then you can look at it when and if you like”.

“Thanks Bobby”, Sam says, as Bobby rises from his armchair and makes his way into the kitchen.

Dean and Sam exchange another look, they have a feeling they know what to do. 

“Here you go”, Bobby says, handing over the folded paper with their dad’s address on it to Dean, who hands it over to Sam.

“It’s up to you if we look at it”, he says. Sam takes the paper and puts it in the pocket of his jacket, closing the zipper. 

“We should probably get going”, Dean says, getting up from the couch.

“Where are you going next?”, Bobby asks. 

“Home”, Dean says, “Sam’s finally gonna meet his niece”.

“Well, good luck you two, and safe travel”, Bobby says, as he follows them out, “I hope I’ll see you soon”, he says.

“You will, I promise”, Sam says.

“You better keep your promise”, Bobby says, “otherwise I’ll come looking for you”.

“That you won’t have to”, Dean says, “we’ll come visit, all of us”. 

Bobby chuckles, “good, I’m looking forward to it”.

They say their goodbyes and a few minutes later they're back in the Impala again.

“I’ve missed him”, Dean admits, “he's a good man, a good uncle”.

“He is”, Sam says with a smile, “he really is”. 

Dean turns the key and sets off to the road. 

“Are we really going to your home?”, Sam asks.

Dean chuckles, “yes, that is exactly what we’re doing”.

He glances at his brother. “C’mon Sammy, don’t look so scared, they’re gonna love you and you them, I promise”. 

“I believe you Dean, but these are people you’ve spent over half your life with, it is a little terrifying to finally meet them, especially since I’ve only known about their existence for what? A week”, he says. 

Dean chuckles, “you have nothing to worry about”, he says. Sam gives him a skeptical look. 

“Okay, c’mon, I’ll tell you something about them, what do you wanna know?”.

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, just, anything”, he says. 

“Okay, ehm. Mary’s probably gonna be a little shy at first, but she’ll be pretty talkative when she warms up to you. Cas is most likely to ask you a couple questions, but mostly just tryna be your friend”, Dean tells him.

“Okay, and what should I say for them to like me?”, Sam asks.

“Sam, they’re gonna love you, just be yourself, be open and everythings gonna be fine, you don't have to worry”, Dean reassures him. 

“You sure?”.

“I’m sure”.

Chapter Text

“But Dean, your father”. “We don’t have to worry about him now”, Dean whispers, “we’re safe here”. Their lips meet in a soft, slow kiss. The silence of the house making their breaths and their beating hearts the only sound in seemingly the whole world. “How are you mine?”, Castiel asks affectionately. Dean lets out a soft chuckle, “I ask myself that same question everyday, about you”, he says, right before his lips meet Cas’ once again. Dean truly loves him, more than anything. With Castiel he can be free, he can feel safe and loved and with Castiel he feels at home. 

—

“So what’s the plan now?”, Sam asks, “are we gonna listen to Bobby and just let dad be? Stop looking for him?”. Dean gives him a quick look, then back to the road.

He shakes his head, “technically that’s up to you”, he says, “you have his address. But if I got to choose, I would say we go home and make up a plan, then we go find him and kick his ass”.

Sam gives him a surprised look, “kick his ass?”, he questions.

Dean shrugs. “Yeah, you know, if we have to”. 

Sam chuckles and shakes his head lightly, “you’re crazy”.

“Tell me about it”, he says with a small laugh, “no, I really just- I need this one thing from him”, he turns a little more serious, “but he refuses to give it to anybody but his real son”, he explains, giving Sam a pointed look.

“So you want me to get it for you?”, Sam asks. Dean nods slightly.

“You could say that, but you see, he doesn't have it, he is just the only person alive who knows where it is”. 

“Alive?”, Sam questions, suspicion painted on his face.

“It belonged to mom, she wrote in a letter that I was supposed to get it for my eighteenth birthday, but she knew she was dying and that she wouldn’t be here to watch us grow up. So she wrote me that letter telling me about- about that one thing she wanted me to have”, Dean tells him. 

“And dad’s keeping it from you?”, Sam asks. Dean nods as a response.

“And you need me to ask him where it is”, Sam states, “because our dad is a complete douchebag”. 

Dean shrugs, “yeah, pretty much”, he says matter of factly.

“Is this why you were looking for me?”, Sam asks, “because you want me to get this thing for you?”. Dean takes a deep breath.

“It’s not the only reason, Sam”, Dean answers, “the biggest reason was because I missed my brother, not because our dad is a douchebag”, he tells him. 

“But you said you were looking for me because dad would only speak with his son”.

“I couldn’t really have said, hey, remember me, I’m your brother you thought was dead, but turns out our dad is just more of a dick than you thought , could I?”, Dean states, his voice a bit stressed, “you would never have believed me”, he states, “you would probably have thought I was crazy”, he gives a dry chuckle.

“I’m not just using you to get what I want if that’s what you think. You’re my brother, Sammy. I could never do that to you”. Sam nods slowly, his eyes staring intensely out the window onto the road. 

“I know”, he then says, “I know, it’s just…Nothing”. 

“Nothing?”, Dean questions, “come on Sammy, I can tell something isn’t right”.

“No, everytings fine, I'm just”, he takes a deep breath, “I’m worried that for some reason you don’t actually want me in your life and that I’m just here to help you”.

“Sam”, Dean says, “do you really think I would take you to see my husband and daughter if I just wanted you here to help me?”, he asks.

Sam doesn't say anything, he just looks out the window with a slightly ashamed look on his face.

“No, Sam. The answer’s no”, Dean says, “I want you to meet them and I want you to be a part of my life again. You’re my brother Sam, I need you”. Sam looks at him, Dean's eyes on the road in front of them. 

“Thank you”, he says.

Dean gives him a quick glance, “for what?”.

“I don’t know”, Sam shrugs, “for actually saying it”. Dean lets out a small chuckle.

“You’re very welcome. And it’s entirely the truth”, he says with a smile.

—

“You ready?”, Dean asks as they step out of the car onto the rock pavement in front of his home.

The house is big and made of stone, with beautiful landscaping. Sam feels overwhelmed just looking at it. It’s bigger than he ever imagined and the thought of Dean's family being inside makes him a little dizzy. 

“Sam?”, Dean says when he doesn't answer, “you okay?”. Sam snaps out of his daze of small panic meeting his brother's eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, he says, trying to sound confident.

Dean comes around the car. “Sam”, he says, placing a hand on his shoulder, “there is nothing to worry about, you’ll be fine”. Sam takes a deep breath and nods slightly.

“I know”, he says, “it’s just- it’s your life, what if, I don’t- what if I don’t fit in, into what you’ve created”. 

“Sam, you’re my brother. You will always fit into my life”, Dean reassures him, “no matter what happens I will always want you to be a part of my life”, he squeezes his shoulder gently. 

“Come on”, he says, “you’ll be fine, I promise”. He pulls Sam by the shoulder towards the front door, “just be yourself”.

“And what if they don’t like me?”, Sam questions.

“Come on, Sam. They like me , and I’m a thousand times worse than you”, Dean says with a small laugh, “there is no reason for them to even dislike you a little bit”.

Sam takes a deep breath. “Okay, I believe you”, he says. 

“Good because there is no turning back”, he says, giving him a sly smile. Sam rolls his eyes and takes another deep breath.

Dean pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocks the front door. He gives Sam's arm a light squeeze before opening the door.

They step into a well lit entryway with dark wood floor and a high ceiling, from where a chandelier is hanging.

A spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, a mezzanine where a blond girl is standing looking down on them.

Mary, Sam thinks. She looks about the right age, fifteen.

The girl doesn’t move, she just stares at them from where she’s standing, leaning against the railing on the second floor. 

“Dean?”, Sam says quietly.

“Yeah?”, Dean says from behind him.

“Ehm”, he looks at Dean who’s hanging his jacket on a hook by the door. He looks back up at the girl. Dean follows his gaze, first now realising that she’s watching.

“Don’t worry”, he says, “she only looks like she wants to kill you”. Sam gives him a quick, semi fake smile.

“Right, no worries”, he says to himself. Dean chuckles, shaking his head at his brother's worry.

“You just gonna stand there?”, Dean asks looking up at the girl. Her gaze shifts from Sam towards Dean. A small smile forms on her lips, she shrugs. 

“I don’t know”, she calls back, “maybe. It’s a pretty good view from up here”.

“Huh, really?”, Dean questions playfully, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Don’t believe me?”, the girl shoots back, her tone playfully mocking Dean. 

“No, no, I believe you, it’s just, it’s not so much to see here now, is there?”, he questions. The girl shrugs. 

“Fair enough”, she says, “only my dad who I haven’t seen for days and”, she pauses for a moment, “his brother?”, she says it more like a question than a statement.

Dean chuckles, “yeah”, he says, “this is Sam, my little brother that I told you about”. Sam feels his heart warm on the thought of Dean telling his family about him. 

“Nice to meet you Sam”, the girl calls out to him. He raises his hand in greeting.

“Hey, nice to meet you too”, he calls back. The girl chuckles. 

“I’m Mary”, she introduces herself. She starts making her way towards the stairs.

“I figured”, Sam says, trying to appear more confident than he actually is. Mary lets out a small chuckle. 

“Oh yeah, is that so?”, she asks.

“Yeah”, Sam answers, “it actually wasn’t that hard”, he tells her. She comes down the stairs, now standing only a few meters away.

“How come?”, she asks. 

“Well”, Sam says, “already after knowing you for only a few minutes you remind me of your dad, by a lot”, he nods toward Dean, who’s standing beside him. Dean gives a small, fond laugh. 

Mary smiles at him, “hm, you know what?”, she says. 

“What?”, Sam asks, smiling. 

“You so have to tell me about how he was when you were kids”, she says, pointing towards her dad. Sam chuckles.

“That, I will absolutely do”, he says.

“Good, cause I have a feeling he’s lying about how nice and well-behaved he was”.

“Oh, he is definitely lying. He was a devil when we were kids”, Sam tells her laughing. 

“Okay, let’s not tell her everything” , Dean says, giving his brother a look, “she gotta have some respect for me left”, he says laughing.

“You sure that’s possible?”, Sam asks playfully.

Dean sighs dramatically. “I’m trying my best”.

“And failing pretty bad”, Mary adds, getting a laugh out of Sam.

He looks over at his brother who’s shaking his head while trying to hold back a laugh.

“And what’s going on here?”, a dark voice says. And when Sam looks up a dark haired man is standing in the entryway across the hall. 

“Cas”, Dean says. Cas , Dean's husband. “I was wondering where you were?”.

“Well, I’m here”, Cas says. He looks at Sam, “hi, Sam. I have been looking forward to meeting you”, his voice is gravelly but kind as he speaks.

“And me you”, Sam says. He didn’t really know Castiel when they were younger.

He knew that he and Dean were friends, well ‘friends’, but their father had forbidden them from hanging out with him and Sam wasn’t brave enough to disobey, opposite to Dean. Who spent a lot of time with him.

When they were kids Sam never realised how close Castiel and Dean actually were.

“I’m just about to start preparing dinner”, Castiel tells them, “you could join me in the kitchen if you’d like”. 

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute. Me and Sam are just gonna unpack our stuff first, okay”, Dean says, reaching for his bag which he had thrown to the floor. Castiel nods.

“I’ll come help you”, Mary says. Her and Cas leave for the kitchen. While Sam and Dean set off upstairs.

—

“Here”, Dean says, opening a door, “is your room”. Sam gives him a funny look.

“My room?”, he questions.

“The one you will be staying in as long as you’re here”, Dean explains, “it’s not like you have anywhere else to stay”.

Sam huffs, “I guess you’re right”.

“I’m always right”, Dean says.

“Right, sure”, Sam says, giving him a pointed look.

For a while none of them says anything. Sam's thoughts spin as he sets down his bag on the bed and sits down beside it.

Everytings so new and so different from his own life. What if he screws it all up? What if they hate him?

“Hey Sam?”, his brother's voice brings him out of his thoughts, “you okay?”, Dean asks, “you seem a little, out of it”.

Sam shakes his head, “yeah, no, I’m fine”, he tries to assure him.

“You sure?”, Dean questions, “like no offense but you don’t seem fine”.

“I’m just tired, that’s all”, Sam says.

“C’mon Sam, talk to me, you’re not fine. Trust me I know, I can tell”, Dean says, “so what is it? You can tell me”.

Sam takes a deep breath, “I feel overwhelmed, and out of place. It feels like I’ve stepped into a completely new world”, he says, “a world I know nothing about. It’s like if you started reading a book from chapter twelve”, he says, Dean gives him a questioning look, “I feel lost and like I don’t know what’s going on”, Sam explains. 

“Okay, look”, Dean says, coming over to sit beside his brother on the bed, “I get that meeting my family and being a part of each other's lives again is a lot, trust me I get it. But we’re not strangers, you know me, you know Cas. And we know you. We haven’t really changed me and him, sure we have grown up, but we’re pretty much still the same”, he tells him.

“But what if I don’t fit into your lives?”, Sam asks, “what if I’m not good enough, or fancy enough, what if I just screw everything up, Dean?”.

“You won’t screw this up, Sammy”, he tells him, “you can’t screw this up. You come into the lives of people who has been through a lot of crap and a lot of challenges and trying times, what we’ve build, me and Cas, that you can’t ruin”, he says, “and I know for a fact that you’ll fit right into this mess that we call family”.

“You sure?”, Sam asks. Dean nods, “a hundred percent. They're gonna love you, just like I do”.

Chapter Text

“You sure?”, Sam asks, looking up at his older brother. “Yes, I’m sure. Dad will never find out”, Dean tells him, “I promise, Sam. Dad will never know and it will be really fun”. Sam looks at him, unsure if it’s actually a good idea. But then again, it’s Dean. And Dean would never do anything to hurt him or get him in trouble and dad isn’t gonna be home for another couple of hours. “Okay”, Sam says, “I’m in”. Dean grins widely at him. “Great, let’s go then”. He starts out the door, his backpack slung over his shoulder. When he realises that Sam isn’t following him he turns around. “You coming?”, he asks. Sam nods, but his facial expression tells him he actually doesn’t want to come. “Look, Sam”, Dean says, “Castiel isn’t dangerous”, he explains. “But dad said-”, Sam starts, but gets cut off by his brother. “Dad is a dick and a liar”, Dean says, “Castiel isn’t any more dangerous than dad is, okay? So are you coming with or do you wanna stay at home?”. Sam thinks about it for a second. He does wanna hang out with Dean. And Dean would always keep him safe. Sam nods. “I’m coming with you”, he declares. Dean smiles at him. “Sweet”, he says, “come on then”. He holds out a hand for Sam to take. He does. Together they leave their home to go visit Castiel and his family. Deans happy Sam came with. He has for a pretty long time wanted Sam and Cas to meet. He hopes Sam will like Castiel. It’s very important to Dean that Sam likes his friends, or at least this friend.

—

Dean comes down the stairs and enters the kitchen. Where he finds his husband and daughter cooking together as usual. 

“How’s it going?”, he asks, as he walks up to them leaning against the kitchen island.

“Good”, Mary answers, putting down the knife she was using, on the cutting board, “where’s Sam?”.

“Still upstairs, settling in”, he tells them.

“Is he doing okay?”, Cas asks, turning off the stove, moving towards the fridge. 

“Yeah, he’s fine”, Dean says, “he’s a little overwhelmed, but he’ll be okay”. Cas nods, understanding that it all must be a lot for Sam to take in.

“Hey, Dean”, Mary says.

“Yes, sweetheart?”, Dean answers, looking her way. She moves from the other end of the kitchen island towards him.

As she’s standing in front of him she shrugs and says. “I’ve missed you”, as she takes a few steps closer and wraps her arms around him.

He takes her into his embrace, hugging her back immediately.

“I’ve missed you too”, he whispers, gently stroking her head. He can feel Cas placing his arm around his waist.

“We both missed you”, he says into Dean's ear.

As Mary lets go of Dean, Castiel is quick to turn him towards him, catching his lips in a soft kiss.

Mary smiles at them, shaking her head slightly.

“You two never change”, she comments with a laugh.

“You know what?”, Dean asks as he pulls away from Cas.

“What?”, Cas asks.

“She has evolved”, Dean states, turning to look at Mary, who gives him a funny look, “she doesn't think we’re disgusting anymore”, he says looking back at Cas with a smug smile. Mary rolls her eyes at him as he presses his lips against Castiels once more. 

“I think she’s already getting tired of us”, Castiel comments playfully, seeing his daughter's agonized expression.

She rolls her eyes again, which makes Cas laugh. Dean turns to look at her.

“What did you just do?”, he asks, giving Mary a questioning look.

“Nothing”, she answers in a high pitched voice holding up her hands. Dean’s expression turns into a frown.

“Do you two have telepathy or something?”, he asks, his voice serious. But both Mary and Cas can tell he’s obviously joking.

“No Dean”, Cas answers, “we just have a daughter who behaves like you”, he says looking pointedly at Dean.

He rolls his eyes. “See”, Cas says, giving him a kiss on the check.

“See what?”, Dean questions. Getting a laugh out of both Mary and Cas.

“See what?”, he asks again, his voice lighter. 

“Nothing, dad”, Mary says, still laughing, “it’s nothing”.

“Then why do I not believe you?”, he asks, raising a brow. 

“I don’t know Dean. Why don’t you believe us?”, Cas says, trying to regain his composure, but still clearly holding back a laugh. 

“I don’t know, maybe because you're both still laughing about something and I have no idea what it is”, he says, trying to sound offended. 

“It’s nothing, dad, really”, Mary reassures him, “we’re just happy that you’re home again”.

“I’m happy about that too”, Dean says, “but I still think there's something I’m missing here”, he says, gesturing with his hand between his husband and daughter.

“There’s really nothing”, Castiel says mustering an innocent look.

Dean takes a breath then just shakes his head, before making his way towards the cupboard where they store the plates. Cas goes to bring out the cutlery.

“Did you tell Sam to come down for dinner?”, he asks. 

Dean nods, “yeah, I did. Maybe he’s just nervous, I’ll go get him whe-”.

“I can go get him”, Mary offers, standing up from the barstool she had just sat down on.

“Okey, sure”, Dean agrees, setting down the plates on the table. He’s glad that she’s open to Sam.

“Just don’t scare him”, he calls out jokingly as she leaves the kitchen.

“I won’t”, she calls back, before disappearing out of ear shot.

—

Sam’s sitting on the edge of his bed trying to get out of his own head as it knocks on the door.

“Come in”, he calls out. He expects it to be Dean who enters, but it’s not, it’s Mary.

“Hi”, he says, as she takes a step into the room.

“Hi”, she says, smiling, “dinners ready soon”, she tells him.

“Thanks”, Sam says, “I’ll be down in a minute”. Mary nods, but doesn’t move.

“You know”, she says, after a few seconds of silence, “I’ve actually been waiting to meet you”, she tells him.

“You have?”, Sam questions. 

She nods, “yeah”, she says with a small chuckle, “I have. I mean, Dean has told me so much about you, and”, she shrugs, “now I finally get to meet you”. Sam huffs a laugh. He’s glad Dean has told his daughter about him, but also a little worried about what he has told her.

“What did he tell you?”, he asks, his mouth curving into a smile.

“A lot”, she answers and Sam can’t help but laugh at that.

“I’m guessing he didn’t just tell you the not embarrassing stuff”, he says, raising his brow.

She shakes her head laughing, “no he did not”, she says, crossing her arms.

“Oh god”, Sam says dramatically. Mary just laughs.

“So I take it, you know quite a lot about me?”, he says it like a question more than a statement.

She nods, “I would say I do, yeah”, she admits.

“Right”, Sam says, “but on the contrary I know almost nothing about you”.

“There is not much to tell”, she says, looking down.

"I wouldn’t be so sure”, Sam says with a smile, “I mean, you’re my brother's kid so you have to be cool, it’s in the genes”. She laughs at his comment.

“Well”, she says, “what do you wanna know?”. Sam shrugs.

“I don’t know”, he says, “what do you wanna tell me?”.

She takes a deep breath in, then lets it out slowly, giving herself some time to think.

“Okay, well uhm”, she starts, her eyes wandering around the simple room.

“I’m a sophomore in high school, I like rock music, I ehm, I like to read… what?”.

“What?”, Sam’s quick to shoot back.

“You gave me a funny look”, she says, narrowing her eyes at him.

“No, no I didn’t”, Sam says, trying to act innocent.

“Yes, you did”, Mary says in a slightly accusing tone.

“I would never”, Sam says grinning, “I’m just, I was just. I’m a little surprised you read”, he explains.

“Really?”, she asks, holding back a smile, “why’s that?”.

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, I just, you know, your dad he”, Sam says, “I mean, I’m pretty sure he hasn't read a whole book in his entire life”. Marry lets out a laugh.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, she says, “Dean has probably never read a book. But I think you forget I have two parents”, she says, “and Castiel, he reads. He was the one who got me into reading when I was a kid”, she tells him, with a smile on his lips. 

“I didn’t forget”, Sam says, causing Mary to chuckle, “I just, I don’t know, didn’t think of it like that”, he tries to explain.

“Sure”, she says, “I believe you”.

Sam huffs a laugh, “didn’t you say dinner was ready?”, he asks, trying to change the subject. Mary chuckles at his weak attempt.

“Yeah, it should be ready by now”, she says smirking.

“Good, let’s go then”, Sam says, standing up and gesturing towards the door.

They exit the room and as they're making their way down the stairs Sam asks. 

“Do you usually call your parents by their name?”. Mary looks at him, giving him a confused look.

“I mean”, Sam says, “when you talked about them just now, you said Dean and Castiel, and not”, a short pause, “dad”, he says, his brows knitting, worried he overstepped.

Mary nods to herself, “it’s easier that way”, she says, “I mean, they’re both my dads, but sometimes it’s just easier to call them by their names”, she explains.

Sam lets go of the breath he was holding and nods in understanding, he’s relieved that she didn’t seem to mind his question.

It’s still hard to take all of this in. That Dean has a family, a life, that he’s even alive is still hard for Sam to wrap his head around. But at the same time he wants to be a part of it, a part of Dean's life and his family again.

As they enter the kitchen Dean and Castiel are already seated at the table. 

“We’ve been expecting you”, Castiel says as they sit down. Sam beside Dean and Mary beside Castiel. 

“Hope you didn’t have to wait too long”, Mary says.

“Nah, it’s fine”, Dean says, “only about half an hour”. Mary gives him a tired look.

“Seriously, dad”, she says, trying to mask her smile.

Dean shrugs, “what?”. Mary sighs dramatically.

Dean chuckles, “come on, Mary you know I’m kidding”, he says. She shakes her head, unable to hold back her smile.

“I know”, she says smiling at him, “but just so you know, if you were sitting across from me I would kick you under the table”, Mary says, holding up her fork, pointing it at Dean. Sam can’t help but chuckle. 

“You think this is funny?”, Dean asks, looking half offended, half amused.

“Yeah, I actually do”, Sam admits, “like, dude, she’s threatening you with a fork. You gotta admit that is a bit funny”, he says letting out a small laugh. Dean shakes his head, giving Sam a disappointed look. 

“I have to admit”, Castiel chimes in, “Sam has a point. It is pretty funny that she is threatening you with a fork”. Dean sighs dramatically, but it quickly turns into a smile. 

“Okay, fine. It’s kinda funny”, he gives in, “but can you stop threatening me now so we can eat?”, he asks playfully, giving Mary a look. 

“Okay”, she says, pulling out the word. She puts down her fork and like everyone else she starts piling up food on her plate.

She doesn't say it out loud but she’s already a hundred percent sure that her uncle Sam is gonna fit in perfectly with them.

And he does seem exactly like the kind and awesome and cool guy her dad has told her about.  

—

“My brother called”, Castiel tells them as they all gather in the living room after dinner.

It’s well lit, with beautiful decor and furniture in light colours.

“What’d he say?”, Dean asks as he lays down on one of the couches.

“He said he would be coming over tomorrow, say ‘hi’”, Castiel answers. 

“That’s it?”, Dean questions looking up at Castiel who’s standing by the couch. 

“That’s all he said about his visit tomorrow, yes”, Castiel says. Dean gives a suspicious look but doesn’t say anything more about Cas’s brother.

Dean puts his legs into Castiel's lap as he sits down with him.

Sam shoots Mary a questioning look across the room. She stands up and joins him on the other couche. 

“Dean isn’t the biggest fan of dad’s brother”, she explains, “he’s usually kind of a trickster”. Sam raises his eyebrows.

“He basically doesn’t take anything seriously and jokes about everything”, she says, “and Dean doesn't always appreciate that”. Sam nods.

“And he’s coming over tomorrow?”, he asks.

“Yeah”, Mary says, “seems like it”.

“Should I keep away from your dad or your uncle?”, Sam asks, only half joking.

“It’s up to you”, Mary says, “but, honestly. It’s fun to see them interact”, she says with a laugh, “so personally I would just sit back and enjoy the show”.

She pulls a blanket over herself, settling in against the couch as her dad turns on the TV.

“What do you wanna watch?”, Dean asks. He looks around the room, his eyes landing on Sam.

“I know”, he says, pushing the buttons on the controller.

“Seriously?”, Sam asks when he sees which movie his brother has pulled up, “The Ring?”.

“Yeah”, Dean shrugs, “you loved that movie”.

“What’s ‘The Ring’?”, Mary asks.

“It’s an old horror movie”, Sam answers.

“It’s also the last movie me and Sam watched together”, Dean tells her.

“Oh so it’s old old”, she says.

“Hey”, Dean says, “it came out only a year before you were born, it’s not that old”. Mary laughs at him.

“Okay, fine”, she says, “it’s not that old”. Sam shakes his head at their bickering, a fond smile painting his lips.

He could really get used to this. Although he knows they still have to find their dad, for now he just wants to live in the moment and enjoy the now.

Chapter Text

“What do you wanna be when you grow up?”. “I wanna be a firefighter!”, Dean exclaims. Jo giggles, “I wanna be a vet”, she says happily, “so I always can play with the animals”. Sam sits up, his clothes covered in grass. “I wanna be an astronaut”, he says proudly. “So that I can go high up in space and see the stars”. Jo looks dreamily up at the bright blue sky. “I wanna see stars up in space”, she says with a sigh. “You could also become an astronaut”, Sam suggests. “But I wanna be a vet also”, she says, starting to look a little down. “You could be a space vet”, Dean says happily, “you can take care of all the space animals”. Jo beams at him. “Yeah, I can do that”, she giggles, “I wanna be a space vet!”.

—

Sam wakes up to his phone ringing. He picks it up from the bedside table. ‘Jo’ the caller ID says. He glances at the time. 09:35. He takes a deep breath, then answers the call.

“Hello”, he says, his voice horse. 

“Hi, Sam”, comes Jo’s voice over the phone, “thought I’d just call and check how everything’s going”, she says.

“Oh yeah?”, Sam asks, pulling a hand over his face in an attempt to get himself to wake up properly.

“Yeah”, Jo says, “and apparently it’s going pretty good since you haven’t gotten murdered”, she declares.

Sam huffs a laugh. “Yeah, it’s actually going pretty well”, he tells her, “we actually know where he is”. 

“You do?”, she asks, but continues to talk without waiting for an answer, “that’s impressive. How’d you figure it out?”.

“Well, we found out who has been helping him to stay hidden”, he explains, “and then that guy gave us our dads current address”.

Shit.

First when the word has escaped his mouth does he realize what he said. Our.

He said our.

“So you’re pretty close to finding your dad”, Jo states. She doesn't seem to have noticed Sam slipping.

He does want Jo to know that Dean’s alive but he doesn’t want her to find out like this. 

“Yeah, kinda”, Sam answers.

“Kinda?”, Jo questions, “what do you mean ‘kinda’?”.

“Well, we have his address”, Sam says, “we just, haven’t looked at it yet”.

For a few seconds Jo doesn’t say anything on the other side of the line. Sam can imagine her shaking her head at him while giving him a disapproving look.

“Why haven't you looked at it?”, Jo asks, she sounds a little upset when she speaks now, “you could be getting the answers you’ve been wanting for for years right now and you’re just not doing it. Why?”.

Sam sighs heavily. He stares up at the ceiling. He doesn’t really have a good answer for her.

“Because somethings came up”, he answers vaguely.

“Somethings?”, Jo says, her tone of voice both questioning him and disapproving of his choices. 

“Yeah”, Sam says, “someone told us that we would be better off not going after him, so, now I’m kinda questioning if I even want to find dad”.

“Who told you that?”, Jo asks, her voice now painted with suspicion.

“The guy that helps him hide”, Sam answers.

He knows how this sounds. Of course the guy that helps their dad stay in hiding wouldn’t want people to go looking for him.

“And you just think listening to a stranger is a good idea?”, Jo asks, now only sounding a bit confused and frustrated.

She probably didn’t plan to start her morning listening to Sam’s overthinking and over analyzing. 

“He’s not just some stranger”, Sam explains, “the guy that has helped dad to stay hidden is Bobby”.

“Like in Bobby Singer?”, she asks, “your uncle Bobby?”. He nods even though he knows she can’t see him. 

“Yes, Uncle Bobby Singer”, he confirms. A loud sigh comes through his phone.

“Oh, Sam”, she says, "I don't know what to say. I mean you trusted him and he just-”

“He tried to protect me”, he cuts her off, “he didn’t want dad to hurt me and he still doesn't want that”.

“Yeah, of course”, she says, “Bobby has always been a good guy. Grumpy, but good”.

That gets a chuckle out of Sam. “Yeah, that's true”, he agrees,  “by the way-”. A knock on the door.

“Wait, hold on”, he cuts himself off and pulls the phone away from his ear.

“Come in”, he calls out to the person behind the door. Dean opens the door. 

“Goodmorning, Sammy”, he says cheerfully. Sam sits up in his bed. 

“Goodmorning”, he answers. Dean sees the phone in his hand and the open call line. 

“You're on a call, should I let you finish?”, he asks, ready to turn towards the door. 

“No it’s fine, she can wait”, he says, dismissing it with his hand. 

“Who is it?”, Dean asks.

“It’s just Jo”, Sam answers. Dean raises his brows. 

“Can she hear what we’re saying?”, he asks. Sam shrugs for an answer. He didn’t turn off the microphone, but he didn’t think so far as if she could still hear them even though he doesn't talk directly into the phone.

“Oh well”, Dean says, ready to change the subject. He did plan on reconnecting with old acquaintances, maybe not like this, but if it was too late and she already knew he was alive then so be it. 

“Me and Cas are heading out. So I decided to check in with you if you need anything…”, he pauses waiting for Sam to give any kind of answer. He shakes his head.

“I’m good”.

“Okay, but if you change your mind just give me a call”, Dean says, “Mary’s staying home, she takes care of herself but just so you're aware that you’re not alone, you know”, he tells him, “there's breakfast in the kitchen and if you need something Mary can probably help you”.

Sam nods, “okay, sounds good”, he says, shooting his brother a smile. 

“Good, we’re heading out then, see you later”, he’s just about to exit the room when Sam calls for him.

“Hey, Dean”.
He turns back around.“Yeah?”.

“What if she asks about you?”, Sam questions, holding up his phone.

Dean shrugs, “I don’t know, tell her I said ‘hi’ and if she asks anything personal about me, tell her I wanna tell her myself when we meet”. Sam smiles at him. He doesn’t comment anything, but he can tell Dean knows what he’s thinking.

“Anyway”, Dean says, ending the short silence, “I’m heading out now, see you later, Sammy”, he says, leaving and closing the door behind him.

Sam brings the phone back to his ear. “You still there?”, he asks. 

“Yeah, I’m here”, Jo’s voice says over the line, “who were you talking to?”, she asks, “was it Will?” .

Sam hesitated, but then says. “Kinda”.

“Kinda?”, Jo questions.

“I mean, it’s Will, but”, he pauses, “you don’t know him as Will”. He can imagine the confused look Jo must have right now. 

“I’m pretty sure you know him better as Dean”, Sam says.

A few seconds pass quietly.

Then Jo finally breaks the silence. “Dean?”, she says, “as in, as in Dean, Dean, our Dean? ”.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “as in our Dean. Jo, he’s alive”, he tells her happily. He’s glad he finally gets to talk to someone about it, even though he won’t tell her any details about Dean's life and his family. 

“Oh my god, Sam. That’s incredible”, she says.

“Yeah, it really is”, he agrees, “I mean he has a whole life and he’s happy”.

“That’s really great”, she says, “do you think he’ll want to come meet everyone again?”, she asks, her voice a little unsure, like she’s afraid of the answer.

“He did just say that he’ll tell you about his life when you guys meet”, Sam answers, “and also he told me to tell you he said ‘hi’”. Jo lets out a small laugh.

“Tell him I said ‘hi’ too”, she says, her voice sounding relieved and of edge. 

“I will”, he promises.

They talk for a while longer before Jo has to go help her mom, Ellen, with something.

They hang up and Sam is left alone in the silence of his room.

His thoughts start spinning pretty quickly. But he doesn’t let them get to him, instead he gets out of bed. Get dressed and head downstairs to eat breakfast. 

—

“Look who’s finally up”, Mary says as Sam enters the living room. She’s sitting curled up in an armchair holding a book.

“Slept well?”, she asks. 

Sam nods, “yeah, actually did”, he answers. Mary nods approvingly.

“That’s good”, she says. 

“Yeah”, he agrees, “I was thinking of going for a run”, he says, “Dean said you’d be fine on your own but I just wanted to make sure”. 

“I’ll be fine”, Mary says, “don’t worry ‘bout me, I’m not a baby”.

Sam huffs a laugh. “I know”, he says, “just wanted to make sure”. 

—

It’s cold outside but luckily it isn’t snowing.

The cool breeze hitting his skin as he runs gives his mind time to rest, think of something else, something that isn’t his dad or his own life.

It seems to be a quiet day. So far he hasn't seen a single car driving on the road beside him. And only a few people, most out walking their dog.

As Bon Jovi's Livin’ on a Prayer blasts in his ears he forgets the world. It’s only him, his warm body and the cold winter air. He loves the feeling, when he can just let go. When he can just run from everything. The feeling makes him never wanna stop. 

—

He returns to the house all sweaty and hot from his run.

He can’t see Mary around as he enters.

He takes off his jacket, hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. He’s still warm so he pulls off his long sleeve shirt as well.

So now when the doorbell rings from out of nowhere. And Mary isn’t around. He’s forced to open the door in only a tank top and sweatpants.

When he opens the door a shorter man with dirty blond hair is standing on the doorstep.

The man tilts his head and gives him a weird look. Eying him up and down, but doesn’t say anything. Sam is at a loss for words. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?”, the man finally says something, breaking the weird silence between them.

“Ehm, Sam”, he says it almost like a question. The shorter man raises an eyebrow.

“Right”, he says, “cause now I totally know who you are”. He has a very expressive face, Sam notes.

“I’m Sam”, he says again, the other man raises both his brows, “Sam Winchester, Dean's brother”, he elaborates. The blond nods.

“Ah, right, Castiel told me you might be here”, he reaches out a hand for Sam to take, “I’m Gabriel”, he introduces himself, “Castiel's brother”.

Sam takes his hand, Gabriels hand is soft but he has a firm grip.

“It’s nice to meet you Sam”, Gabriel says.

“You too”, Sam says as they step inside.

Sam feels out of place, he has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know Gabriel and he doesn’t live in this house so he doesn't know its customs.

“So tell me, Sam”, Gabriel's voice breaks through his thoughts, “why are you here?”. Gabriel’s tone isn’t condescending, it’s more curious than anything.

“I’m still looking for the answer to that question”, he admits, pulling a hand through his sweaty hair, “I’m currently just trying to figure everything out with Dean's family”.

“Something wrong?”, Gabriel asks, his voice sounding genuine and his brows furrow. 

“No”, Sam says, “everythings fine, it just sometimes feels like I might not fit into this family of his”, he tells him, rubbing the back of his neck not meeting Gabriel's eyes. 

“Don’t worry kid”, Gabriel says, “they’re not as fancy and formal as they might seem. I mean look at me”. Sam does.

He’s wearing a green jacket with a simple white shirt underneath and a pair of worn out, black jeans. 

“And I fit in perfectly”, Gabriel goes on, “and so will you”, he gives Sam a warm smile. His smile seems like something more than a smile you would give a stranger.

“Thanks”, Sam says, smiling back.

Gabriel looks at him intensely, his eyes fixated on him. Sam feels himself getting flustered under Gabriels gaze.

“I ehm”, he clears his throat, “I should probably go take a shower. I’m all sweaty and gross after my run. But I’ll-”, he starts turning away from the other man.

“I wouldn’t use the word gross”, Gabriel says, cutting him off mid sentence. Sam looks at him in surprise.

Gabriel shrugs nonchalantly. “Just saying”.

Sam huffs a small laugh, “thanks, Gabriel”, he’s voice only a whisper, “but I ehm, still gotta shower”, he says running a hand through his hair.

“Maybe you’ll look as hot clean as you do sweaty”, Gabriel says casually. Sam feels his face heat up. 

“Righs, em, I’ll see you later”, he says. He doesn’t know what else to say.

He turns and leaves Gabriel alone at the entry.

—

He comes into his room. Closing the door behind him.

Did Castiel's brother just flirt with him?

He doesn’t know what to think. Well, Mary did say he was kind of a trickster, so it could be that.

He decides to try and not think of Gabriel and how he acted towards him. Maybe he is that way with everybody.

He gets into the shower. His mind is clearer now than before. He wants to find John Winchester. He wants Dean to get whatever he's been looking for. And he wants his answers from his dad.

—

“Seriously, Gabe?”.

Gabriel turns around seeing Mary standing in the doorway into the kitchen. 

“What?”, he asks innocently, but a sly smile creeps up on his lips.

Mary raises her eyebrows, “did you really have to flirt with him?”.

“Oh come on Mary”, Gabriel says, “it’s fun”. Mary rolls her eyes at him. 

“Be nice to him”, she says.

“I am nice”, Gabriel defends himself. Mary gives him a look that says she doesn’t believe him. 

“I am”, Gabriel repeats. 

“Right”, she says, “just don’t scare him away, alright?”.

Gabriel sighs dramatically, “fine, I’ll tone it down. But just by a tiny bit”.

“Good”, Mary says, giving him an approving nod, “now come on”. She gestures for him to follow her into the kitchen.

—

She sits herself at one of the barstols by the kitchen island.

“So tell me”, she says, resting her head in her palm, “what are you really doing here?”.

Gabriel avoids her eyes by looking up at the ceiling.

“Gabe?”, she says sternly. He meets her eyes. 

“What, can’t I just come by and say ‘hi’ to my favorite people?”, he asks defensively. 

She gives him a pointed look, “favorite people?”, she questions.

“Yeah”, he says shrugging, his voice lighter than usual. She shakes her head lightly.

“Gabe seriously”, she says, “I don’t believe that you just randomly decided to visit. So what’s going on? And be honest”.

He sighs heavily, “it’s just some adult crap, nothing you should worry about”, he tells her.

“Adult crap?”, she questions, Gabriel nods for an answer, “come on I’m not a baby anymore, you can tell me things. I’m a good listener”, she offers. 

Gabriel shakes his head, “I can’t put that on you, not now”. She looks down at the counter, folding her arms. 

“So you're here to get your mind off of things?”, she asks, not meeting his eyes.

“Kinda, yeah”, he admits, “I need a minute to think of better things in life”. She nods understandingly. 

“I get it”, she says looking up, her blue eyes meeting her uncle's golden brown, “we’re the best”. Her comment gets a chuckle out of Gabriel.

If he won’t tell her what’s going on she can at least try to make him feel better. 

“Yeah, you and your family really are the best”, he admits, “even though Dean isn’t my biggest fan, yet”. 

“Yet?”, says Mary, raising a brow.

“Everyone comes around eventually”, he says, grinning confidently. 

She nods slowly, “right. Good luck with Dean though, he seems to be hard for you to win over”, she jokes.

“He is”, says Gabriel, “but he isn’t impossible”, he cracks his knuckles.

She laughs a little at him, “you know, if you continue to flirt with his little brother it will only become harder for you to win him over”, she teases.

An upside down smile forms on his lips as he shrugs, “true, but who said I couldn't do both?”. Mary shakes her head, but she doesn’t have time to say anything before someone asks.

“Do what?”.

It’s Sam, entering the kitchen in jeans and a plaid shirt, his hair wet.

“Well, you of course, hot stuff”, Gabriel is quick to answer, turning around to face him. Sam looks a little shocked but doesn’t comment anything about what Gabriel said or called him.

When Gabriel turns back to Mary wearing a smug smile, she gives him a dirty look.

“Seriously?”, she mouths. He just looked at her proudly.

“Any idea when your parents get home?”, Sam asks Mary. 

“They’re usually out for a couple hours”, she tells him, “an hour maybe”, she guesses. 

“Right”, he says, “do you think they’ll mind if I cock today? I checked the fridge this morning and there’s everything I’d need”. 

“I don’t think they would mind at all”, she says smiling brightly, “I say go for it”. The corners of his mouth turned up.

“Great”, he says happily.

“We can help if you’d like", Gabriel offers.

“Thanks, but I think I’ve got it under control“, he says, “but then, if helping means standing there and looking pretty, you’re very welcome to help”, a sly smile painting Sam's lips.

Gabriel can’t help it when he feels his cheeks starting to burn hot.

“Who knows”, he says, “I might wanna help out even more now”.

Mary clears her throat. “I’ll leave you to it now”, she says, standing up, “but just so you remember, you’re not alone in this house”. She leaves them alone in the kitchen.

“I hope I’m not scaring you”, Gabriel says seductively.

“I’m not easily frightened”, says Sam calmly, looking deeply into Gabriel’s eyes. 

Chapter Text

“So what are we making?”, Gabriel asks, hopping up on one of the barstools. 

“You’ll have to wait and see”, Sam says, opening the fridge and pulling out two beers. He slides one over the counter to Gabriel. 

“Thanks, big guy”, Gabriel says, opening the bottle, taking a sip. Sam huffs a laugh.

“If you’re gonna keep acting like that I might have to ask you to leave”, he says, a smile playing on his lips. 

“What, you can’t handle me?”, Gabriel asks, quirking a brow.

Sam shrugs, “oh, I can handle you”, he says, leaning against the kitchen island, “the question is, are you able to keep up with me ?”.

A sly smile forms on Gabriels lips.

“Why don’t you let me try?”, he asks mischievously.

Sam is just about to open his mouth to say something back as someone enters the room causing them both to look up. It’s Dean.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something”, he says, his eyes then land on Gabriel, “but if there was something going on, I’m happy that I interrupted”. Gabriel rolls his eyes at him. 

“Keep away from my brother, Gabriel”, Dean says as he walks up to the counter placing a shopping bag on it.

“I used to tell you the same thing”, Gabriel says, “but you didn’t listen”. Dean turns around to look at him. 

“Don’t you dare”, he says pointing a finger at the shorter man. Gabriel sighs lightly.

“Or what?”, he asks, quirking a brow.

“That’s enough”, a gruff voice says, “Gabe, Dean, be nice”. Castiel comes to stand beside Gabriel. Sam really can’t see the resemblance, they look nothing alike.

Dean rolls his eyes and turns back to the shopping bag.

“I heard you were cooking today”, he says, turning his head to look at Sam.

“Yeah, if that’s fine, I mean”, Sam answers.

“Of course it is”, he says, “we also have to talk about-”, he takes a quick look at Gabriel, “the family stuff”.

Sam gives a quick nod. “Yeah, it’s time to figure out what to do”.

Gabriel shots him a questioning look, but Sam doesn't say anything so he turns to Castiel. Who just shrugs. He sighs dramatically.

“Seriously?”, asks Gabriel, “you're gonna act all weird and then pretend it’s nothing when I can clearly tell something isn’t right?”. 

“It’s just none of your business”, Dean says, “that’s all”. Sam rolls his eyes at his brother's attitude.

Sure Gabriel is a bit of a flirt but he isn’t that bad.

“Okay”, Sam says, “I’m gonna ask you to leave, all of you”. Dean gives him a weird look.

“I need to concentrate”, Sam explains.

Dean nods lightly, “right”, he says, “come on guys, let’s let the master chef cook”. He pulls the brothers with him out of the kitchen.

When they’re out of earshot from Sam, Dean turns to Gabriel.

He takes a deep breath, “I know I can’t make you stay away”, he says, his jaw tense, “but if you hurt him-”.

“Realx, Deano”, Gabriel says, lifting his hands in surrender, “I wouldn’t dare”, he looks at Castiel then back at Dean, “I know how it is to have a younger brother that you care greatly about. I would never hurt Sam”, he tells him, “ I promise”.

—

“How’s it going?”, Castiel's gravelly voice asks from the kitchen doorway. Sam looks up from the cutting board.

“Great”, he answers.
“Need any help?”, Castiel offers.

Sam shakes his head, “no, it’s fine, but thanks, I appreciate it”, he smiles kindly towards Castiel.

Castiel gives him a small nod. “We’re all really happy that you’re here”, he tells him. Surprise flash over Sam's face.

“Really?”, he asks.

He knew Dean wanted him here, but he had had doubts about Mary and Castiel. He was afraid that they wouldn’t like him or wouldn’t think he wasn't good enough for their family.

“Yes, really”, Castiel says, moving closer to where Sam’s standing.

“You seem surprised”, he comments. Sam chuckles nervously.

“I guess I’m just relieved”, he says, “I was um, a little worried I wouldn’t fit in”, he gives a little shrug, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“There is no need to worry”, Castiel tells him, “we all want you here and there is no doubt that you’ll fit in”.

Sam looks down at the cutting board in front of him, “it’s just that”, he takes a deep breath in trying to calm himself and not get overwhelmed, “you guys seem like the perfect family, and I know for a fact that I’m far from perfect”, he explains.

Castiel leans against the kitchen island, looking up at Sam, “we’re not perfect, Sam”, he says, “we are actually very far from it”, Sam looks up meeting his eyes. He gives Castiel a look that tells him he doesn't believe him.

Castiel sighs lightly. “Think about it”, he says, standing up straight, “I’m thirty and I have a fifteen year old daughter”, he gives him a meaningful look. Sam shakes his head with a small cuckle.

“But even if we aren’t perfect”, Castiel continues, “I couldn’t be happier. Except when I get to share my happiness with people I care about”, he gives Sam a warm smile.

“You really want me here?”, asks Sam. Castiel nods.

“Yes, Sam, I do”, he answers, “I might not have known you that well back in the day”, he says, “but I’m more than happy that I get to know you now”. Sam smiles at him, an appreciative, thankful smile.

“Thanks, Cas”, he says. Castiel smiles brightly at him.

“Welcome back, Sam”, he squeezes Sam's shoulder as he walks by to exit the kitchen. 

—

Castiel is in the family office sorting through some books. But his mind is not.

He is overjoyed that Dean got his brother back, but there are certain things that come with it.

Like Dean seeking out his father again, which makes it very possible for old trauma to come up. And meanwhile Castiel is always very willing to be there for him when he’s going through a rough time, he wishes Dean didn’t have to go through any of the things with his father and the trauma around it.

“You okay?”, his brother's voice snaps him out of his own thoughts, “you look a little out of it”.

Castiel looks down at the book in his hands. “I’m fine”, he says, meeting Gabriel's eyes, “there is just a lot going on”. Gabriel nods understandingly.

“Yeah, tell me about it”, he says, plopping down in an armchair, “sometimes I envy you, you know”, Gabriel tells him. 

Castiel tilts his head, “you do?”, Gabriel nods as a response, “why?”.

“Because you have your life figured out already”, he says, “you have a great job, a loving husband, a family. You have everything one could wish for”. He leans his head back, not meeting Castiel's gaze.

“And”, he continues, “you seem so happy. I can’t help but sometimes wish I had all that”.

“Gabriel”, Castiel says, “you can have that. There is nothing or no one telling you you can’t”. Gabriel sighs heavily.

“Right”, he says, then nothing more. Castiel looks at him concerned.

“Gabriel, what has happened”.

“What? No, nothing’s happened”, he says. Castiel gives him another look. 

“I don’t believe you”, he tells him.

Gabriel rolls his eyes dramatically, “fine, okay. You really wanna know?”, he says, sitting up straight. Castiel nods.

Gabriel takes a deep breath before beginning to speak.

“I had to quit my job to have enough time for school, but school is still going to shit, my two year relationship ended half a year ago and our parents are still asking me to bring her over because I haven’t really talked to them because I don’t want them to know how I fail at everything I do”.

It’s silent for a couple minutes. Neither of them says anything.

“You know what?”, Gabriel rises to his feet, “I didn’t come find you to talk about my issues. I came here to talk about your husband, or more specifically, his brother. But we’ll talk about it later, or not at all”, he starts towards the door.

“Wait, Gabe”, he stops and turns around to look at Castiel.

“What?”, he asks, “and please don’t tell me to talk to our parents”.

Castiel shakes his head, “no, I would never. I know how difficult our parents can be”. Gabriel huffs a laugh.

“Then what?”, he asks.

“I was gonna tell you to focus on yourself and what makes you happy”, Castiel says, “and don’t mind our parents”. Gabriel quirks a brow. 

“I mean, that’s what I did”, Castiel says with a shrug.

“What you did?”, Gabriel questions, “you’re like the perfect son, they love everything about you and if someone asks them you never did anything wrong in your life”.

“It’s obvious you had other things to think about when we were kids”, Castiel comments dryly. Gabriel shoots him a questioning look.

“There's a reason I don’t celebrate Christmas with them”, says Castiel. And the look in his eyes makes it click for Gabriel.

Their parents think Castiel's family is a sin.

“Oh. I’m sorry Cas. I never thought they would... treat you like that”, Gabriel says, his voice saddened for his brother.

He knows their parents are extremely religious, so that it can sometimes become toxic.

But he also knows that Castiel always was the golden child that could do no wrong. At least not until he knocked up the older Winchester. And after that he apparently got the same treatment as Gabriel always had gotten.

He had really hoped that Castiel wouldn’t have to be treated like that. Having his parents tell him his life is a sin and that he will go to hell for what he is.

“There is nothing to be sorry about”, Castiel says, “I’m living my best life, and if that’s a sin, well, then I’m going to hell happy”. Gabriel chuckles.

“That’s the attitude”, he says as a smile creeps up on his lips, “I hope I one day can say the same”.

“One day you will”, Castiel says, full certainty in his voice.

“I don’t know, Cassie. My love life’s pretty dead right now”.

“It doesn’t have to be”, Castiel states. Gabriel quirks an eyebrow.

“I’m pretty sure Sam is still single”, he says shrugging his shoulders. 

“But do you really think he would want me?”, Gabriel questions, “I’m a complete disaster”.

Castiel sighs lightly, “Gabriel, you’re not a disaster”, his brother gives him a look that says ‘you sure?’ but Castiel ignores it, “and I am fairly certain you are his type”.

Gabriel gives him a dry look. “And what makes you think that?”, he asks.

“The way he looks at you, assbutt”, Castiel deadpans, “that man is interested in you, trust me, I can tell”.

“How?”, Gabriel questions, very skeptical about what his brother is saying.

“Because”, a female voice comes from behind him, “Sam looks at you the same way Dean looks at him”, Mary says pointing at Castiel.

“They have the same spark in their eyes”, she says passing him, walking over to one of the bookshelves. 

“So you’re saying my only problem is Dean”, Gabriel states. Mary nods.

“Yeah, but he isn’t impossible, right? Your own words”, she says.

“Right. I did say that”.

“But you still have to promise to not scare him away”, she warns, “we want him here”.

Gabriel chuckles, “I promise, I won’t scare the tall Winchester”.

“Good”, she says, “now good luck”. She pats his shoulder as she walks past him again now exiting the office.

Gabriel sighs, “if not, at least it can help me get my mind off things”.

“Gabriel”, Castiel says with a warning voice.

“I’m joking”, Gabriel deffends, “I promise, I would never use him as just some toy”. Castiel quirks a questioning brow, Gabriel rolls his eyes at him. 

“Sam’s way too cute for that”, he says quietly under his breath.

Chapter Text

He picks up the black box. It’s light in his hands. A smooth leather surface. He traces the edges of the box with his finger tips. Mom, he thinks, I miss you. This box that he’s holding in his hands is the only thing that he has left of his mother. Maybe even it’s the only thing he has left of his whole family. A few years ago he had found this box in one of the drawers in his fathers office. It had a small note with it. Happy Birthday Dean. Hugs from Mommy, it had said, with a big 18 on the back. He would be turning 18 in only three days. He’s gonna open it then. 

—

After dinner Dean asked Sam to meet him in his office. Second floor, third door to the left.

Sam knocks on the door before entering, announcing that he’s coming in.

“Hey, you wanted to talk”, he says as he enters Dean's office.

“Yeah”, he says, placing the folder he was holding on his desk, “I thought we could discuss what to do with dad”. He seats himself on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Do you still want to find him?”, he asks, eyeing his little brother. Sam nods.

“Yeah, I do. I want to know why he just left me”, he says.

Dean nods to himself. “Right”, he says, rising to his feet, walking around the desk to open a drawer.

He pulls out a black box. The black box. The box he was looking for at the lodge. 

“What’s in it?”, Sam asks. 

“This”, Dean says, placing it on his desk, “contains the only thing I have left from our mom”. Sam meets his eyes. They’re cold, hurt.

“And if you don’t mind, I want you to give it to dad. Ask him to open it, look inside”.

“What’s inside?”, Sam asks. Dean looks down at the small, black box in front of him.

“The truth”.

—

It is final. In two days they’re going after John Winchester. And they’re going to find him, no matter what. There is no way they won’t get what they want.

—

“What are we doing?”, Gabriel asks, sitting down across from him. Sam looks up from his computer screen. He didn’t hear Gabriel entering the kitchen, so that he is now sitting across from him is kind of a surprise.

“Just some research”, he says.

“About…”, Gabriel says with a motion of his hand, trying to tell Sam to continue, “...what? About what?”, he asks.

Sam lets out a small chuckle.

“Family stuff”, he answers without any further explanation. Gabriel sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes.

“You really don’t wanna tell me what’s going on”, he states matter of factly. Sam shrugs his shoulders. 

“Dean would kill me if I did”, he says.

“Oh come on, he wouldn’t”, Gabriel says. Sam gives him a look that says, ‘you sure?’. Gabriel huffs a laugh.

“I wouldn’t tell him you told me," he offers. Sam shakes his head lightly.

“I’m not telling you”.

“Oh come on. I could help”, he says, throwing his arms out. Sam shakes his head again.

“I bet you could”, Sam says, “but is that really why you came here?”, he questions, raising a brow. Gabriel smirks at him. 

“No, it isn’t, but”, he shrugged nonchalantly, “I don’t want to upset your brother further”. Sam looks down at his computer screen, then back up at Gabriel. Meeting his golden brown eyes.

“Right. Because if we had a thing he would actually kill you”, Sam says. Gabriel chuckles, “pretty much”, he says.

He raises to his feet. Walking up to the fridge. 

“You want anything?”, he asks.

“No thanks, it’s fine”, Sam answers.

Gabriel comes back to the kitchen table. He leans his hip against it, taking a sip from his beer.

“Are you free tomorrow?”, he asks casually. Sam gives him a questioning look. But Gabriel doesn't say anything else.

“I’m free, yeah”, Sam eventually answers, “why?”. Gabriel smiles at him.

“Oh I was just thinking”, he says, looking around the room.

“About?”.

“What do you say about dinner tomorrow?”, Gabriel asks. Sam goes still.

“Like, just the two of us”, he continues, “going out somewhere to eat”, he ends with a shrug, trying to seem casual, and failing miserably.

Sam's eyes fall on the table. He’s quiet for a few seconds. Gabriel thinks maybe he overstepped, moved too fast for him. Then Sam looks back up.

“I’d like that”, he says, meeting Gabriel's eyes again. 

Gabriel lets out a small laugh, “great, looking forward to it”, he says, smiling sweetly at Sam.

“Me too”, says Sam, smiling back just as bright.

—

“Hey Dean”, Sam sticks his head into the living room where Dean is sitting with his laptop open on the coffee table. 

“Yeah?”, he looks up at Sam standing in the entrance. 

“From a scale of 1 to 10, how good is your mood?”, Sam asks innocently. Dean gives him a weird look.

“What did you do?”, he asks. Sam is not a person to make bad decisions, that Dean knows. But he’s still a little worried right now. 

“I didn’t do anything”, Sam says, “or well”, Dean gives him another look, “nothing bad”, he tells him.

“What did you do?”, Dean asks again.

“Are you in a good mood?”, Sam asks, “cause I get the feeling you’re not”.

“I won't be mad”, Dean promises. Sam tilts his head at his brother.

“I won’t be mad if you tell me right now what’s going on”.

“Promise?”.

“Promise”.

Sam lets out a breath, “I’m… kinda going on a date”, Dean looks at him in shock.

“With who?! You don’t know anybody from around here”, Dean says.

“Gabriel”, Sam says hesitantly. Ready for the worst.

“What?”, Dean asks in shock.

He figured Gabriel had the hots for Sam. But he did not expect anything to actually happen. Like, seriously, a date. Sams going on a date with Gabriel .

“Gabriel?”, Dean questions, “like in Gabriel, Gabriel. Cas’s brother Gabriel?”.

“Yes, Dean, Gabriel Gabriel”, Sam says, with a nod.

“He is literally the only Gabriel I know”, Sam tells him.

Dean waves him off dismissively, “yeah, I know that. I’m just-wow-okay, ehm. Why?”, he questions. He doesn't seem too mad, more confused Sam concludes so he dares give some kind of explanation.

“Because he asked me to dinner”, he answers matter of factly with a shrug of his shoulder.

“Right, okey”, Dean says. He takes a deep breath, “do you like him? Like, like like him?”. Sam gives his brother a weird look. 

“Yes, Dean. I like him”, he says nodding slowly, “I think”, he then adds quickly, quietly. But Dean catches it.

“You think?”.

“I mean”, Sam says, “I barely know the guy, but he seems sweet - and hot - so I figured why not, you know”, he says with a shrug. 

“Why not”, Dean repeated, “well, maybe cause it’s Gabriel”.

“Look De, I might not know him like you do, but he doesn’t seem to be even half as bad as you say he is, and I’m kinda, you know, like, into him”, he says hesitantly. Dean gives him a weird look.

“But it’s not like I would do anything stupid just because I think he’s hot”, Sam rushes to say. Dean is quiet for a moment, just looking at him.

“You sure we’re talking about the same guy?”, Dean then questions. 

Sam rolls his eyes at his brother, “seriously?”.

“What?”, Dean says, “I'm just saying that. That guy has never acted anything but like a pain in the ass towards me”.

“No offense but could it be because you’re kinda hard on him too?”, Sam questions.

Dean huffs a laugh, “yeah right”.

“I’m just saying”, Sam says with a shrug.

“Look Sammy”, Dean says, “I’m not trying to stop you. Go on that date, have fun, enjoy yourself. Just… be careful, okay?”.

Sam nods, “of course, I’m always careful”, he says, quirking a smile.

“Sure you are”, Dean says with a tone that says ‘I don’t believe you’.

“At least more careful than you”, he shoots back teasingly, before ducking behind the wall. 

“You son of a bitch”, Dean says. Sam can hear him start to follow him. Oh shit. 

Dean appears in the entrance. He leans against the door frame.

“We were careful”, he says.

“Sure you were”, Sam says in the same tone Dean used towards him only a few seconds ago.

“We were”, he exclaims.

“Your daughter begs to differ”, Sam says. Dean huffs a laugh. Sam shoots him a proud grin.

“Okay fine, you got me”, Dean says, lifting his hands in surrender, “but still, be careful”, he says, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder.

“Of course”, Sam says, ignoring the urge to roll his eyes at his brother.

Chapter Text

Happy birthday Dean.

I wish I could be there to celebrate with you but according to the doctors I will be dead by this time of your life. I know it’s been a long time. Seven years is a long time. I hope you’re doing great, making a life for yourself. Maybe you even found a nice girl, or guy. Either way I will always love you, no matter what. You will always be my little boy no matter how old you get, even if you’re an adult now you’re still my sweet little boy.  It’s weird to think that I’m not there with you, but I guess that’s why I’m writing this. To make sure I can tell you this even though I’m not there with you. I love you Dean, never forget that. When you opened the small black box to find this letter you probably saw the ring as well. The ring was my dads, he gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday. And now I want to do the same, to you. I want you to have this ring. It’s a symbol for eternal love, my father told me. Love between family and friends and of course other kinds of love too. The ring will always stand for that but I also wish that this ring can help you remember me. I know I’m not there for you the same way I was. But know that I wish I could be. I wish I could be with you right now, give you a hug and wish you a happy birthday and give you this ring personally. But since I can’t, I hope you will remember me and how much I love you my sweet little boy.

Love Mom

—

“We’re going out!”, Sam calls into the house announcing their leave. Not expecting much of a response.

“Be careful and have fun”, Dean says as he exits the kitchen into the hallway, “but not too much fun”, he says pointing a finger between them. “Relax Deano”, Gabriel says waving his hand at him, “it’s just dinner”. “Yeah, well, that’s how it starts and then-”

“Okeey”, Sam interrupts, “we’re heading out”, he says as he starts pulling Gabriel with him towards and out the door.

When they’re outside they make their way towards Gabriel's car. A white honda.

“It’s sweet”, Gabriel says as they sit in the car. “What is?”, Sam asks. “How your brother cares so much, it’s sweet”, Gabriel says with a shrug. Sam shakes his head lightly, a chuckle escaping him. “You’re sweet”, Sam says, “can we go now?”.

“Yeah, let’s set off”, Gabriel says, starting the engine. “You never told me where we’re going”, Sam points out as they leave the driveway. “Right, we’re going to a restaurant called Nobel Nosh , it’s just outside of town”, Gabriel tells him, “they have the best desserts, like ever”. 

Sam lets out a small laugh. “What?”, Gabriel questions, glancing quickly at him.

“Nothing”, Sam says, leaning his head back against the seat, “you’re just really cute”. Gabriel's eyes are practically glowing as he looks over at Sam.

Sam smiles sweetly at him, making Gabriel's cheeks flush. He can feel his face heat up. He pulls his eyes away from the Winchester back to the road. He lightly shakes his head, as an adorable smile appears on his lips.

“You truly are something special Sam Winchester”, he says fondly, eyes on the road.

—

“Dean”, Castiel's voice is clear in the currently silent living room. 

“Yeah?”. Dean’s standing by a big window looking out at the driveway. Even though he seems to have acknowledged Castiel's presence he doesn't turn to look at him. 

“What are you doing, Dean?”, Castiel asks. “Thinking”, Dean replies shortly. He can hear Castiel's steps on the wooden floor, coming closer. He feels his hand on his shoulder. 

“About?”, he asks, his breath warm against Dean's ear. Dean takes a deep breath.

“About Sam”, he answers, “it feels like maybe, I’m not enough for him”.

“Dean”, Castiel says, “Sam’s your brother. There is no way he would think you aren’t enough”.

“What if you’re wrong?”, Dean questions, “Cas, what if he doesn’t like who I am now?”. Castiel puts his chin on Dean's shoulder. “That won’t happen”, he says reassuringly.

“How can you be so sure?”, Dean says, “I mean, he used to think I was cool and awesome, he looked up to me”, he takes a deep breath in, “what if he can’t do that anymore”, his voice is small, almost a whisper.

“Dean”, Castiel lifts his chin, “look at me”. He turns Dean around so that they stand eye to eye. “I’m aware I don’t know Sam like you do”, he says, “but he would be a fool if he doesn’t see you as enough. Because you, Dean, you’re more than enough”. 

“Thanks Cas”, he says quietly, “I’m probably just overthinking it”. Castiel smiles sadly at him, “that’s okay”, he says, “come here”. He pulls Dean into a tight embrace.

“I wouldn’t worry”, he whispers into Dean's ear, “you’re awesome”. Dean lets out a small laugh. “Thanks Cas”, Dean says, “I just hope Sammy thinks the same”.

“I’m sure he thinks you’re the most awesomest brother there is”.

—

As they walk into the dimly lit restaurant Gabriel takes Sam's hand in his. Sam looks over at him, the golden light making him look like an angel.

“Reservation for Gabriel Novak”, Gabriel tells the host. Sam couldn’t have realised if the host had said anything, he was too busy admiring his date.

“Right this way”, the host says. He takes them to a booth by a window. 

The host hands them each a menu, “let the server know when you’re ready to order”, he tells them before walking off, leaving them to themselves.

“You look amazing”, Sam says. He’s looking at Gabriel with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. And Gabriel knows that if Sam ever uses those eyes against him, he would not be able to say no.

Sam wasn’t lying when he said that Gabriel looks amazing. The white dress shirt with golden buttons that almost matches his eyes and his hair perfectly styled, it’s mesmerizing, Sam can’t take his eyes off of him.

“Well”, Gabriel says, “I can say the exact same thing about you. You look absolutely amazing, Sam Winchester”. Sam can feel his face heating up at Gabriel's words. It’s like this man's words alone could make his heart beat out of his chest.

Gabriel picks up his menu. Even though he is mainly here for the wonderful and atractive company, and of course the dessert. It would be a waste to not order some real food. Even though one could argue that desert is real food. When they’re ready to order they call over a server, who quickly takes their orders before leaving them alone again.

“Tell me something Sam, how come you and Dean meet now and not like, ten years ago?”, Gabriel asks. The tone in his voice doesn’t sound judgemental or derogatory, it sounds curious, and genuinely so.

Sam takes a breath in, “well, the short answer is, I thought he was dead”, he says, then nothing else. A short silence. “Seriously?”, Gabriel asks, his voice rising a bit in pitch. Sam huffs a laugh, “yeah, seriously”, he answers with a nod.

“Wow, that’s-that’s truly something”, Gabriel concludes. Sam nods, his mouth turned into an upside down smile. “Yeah. It was a lot to take in when I found out he was alive”, Sam tells him. Gabriel nods in understanding, “I can’t say I get it, but it must truly have been a shock”.

“It was, yeah”, Sam replies, “but to be honest, I was almost more surprised that he had a kid”, he tells him, with a chuckle escaping his lips. It’s adorable, Gabriel thinks. “What about you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam raises a brow at him.

“What about me?”, he asks, unsure of what Gabriel means. “You know”, he waves his hand, probably a way to make the question less serious, more playful, “kids and that stuff”, he tries his best to sound nonchalant. 

Sam tilts his head and gives him a look that tells him he failed at sounding ‘just curious’. “You serious?”, Sam asks, a smile painted on his lips. “What?”, Gabriel asks, “I’m just curious”, he says with a shrug. Sam chuckles, “no, Gabriel, I don’t have any kids, if that’s what you’re asking”, he tells him. Gabriel nods. “That’s good to know”, he says.

Sam shakes his head lightly, the same adoring smile still on his lips. Unbelievable, he thinks, that this man sitting in front of him is actually real, and he actually has a chance with him. “Would it bother you if I had kids?”, Sam asks out of curiosity.

“Oh, no. No it wouldn't”, Gabriel answers, “I just wanted to know if you’re a package deal, find out how many people I have to impress”, he says raising his eyebrows seductively. Sam laughs at his date's behaviour, it’s adorable, he thinks. 

A few moments later the server brings out their meals. “So”, Sam says, “I know little to nothing about your personal life…”, Gabriel takes a sip from his drink. “What do you want to know? I’m an open book”, he says. Sam shrugs. “Anything, really”, he replies, “I just want to get to know you”.

“Well” Gabriel starts, pausin a second to think, “I’m still studying, business. I, ehm, come from a pretty religious family”, he rolls his eyes at that. He himself is not really the extremely religious type. “I enjoy playing games, and my favorite band’s Asia. ‘Heat of the moment’, best song ever”. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard it”, Sam tells him. “Really?”, Gabriel asks surprised, “well you gotta, it’s the best song ever. I could listen to it forever”. Sam shakes his head fondly. A sweet, loving smile plastered on his face.

—

Dean’s upstairs in his and Cas’s bedroom packing the stuff he thinks he might need when he and Sam goes to find their dad. It’s a slow process. Not only because he isn’t entirely sure of what he should pack but also because he doesn't really want to meet their father again, it was painful enough the last time. But he has to find the courage to potentially meet him again, for Sam, and for himself.

Sam wants his answers and Dean will help him get them. Even if it means having to face their father again.

The hatred, disappointment and disgust that painted John Winchester's face last time he laid eyes on his oldest son is something Dean will never forget. All of it just because he believed that everything Dean did was wrong, the way he loved, who he loved, what he had chosen to do with his life and how he had chosen to live it.

Dean hates to think about that day, the one John declared that Dean was some kind of disease that he couldn't let his perfect, innocent, unknowing, ýounger son catch. So he had to get rid of him, or at least that part of him.

Dean grabs a couple pieces of clothing out of his closet. He has no idea how long it will take to reach John Winchester's destination or how long it will take for him to talk to them. A few days at least he guesses.

He puts the clothes down on the bed next to his duffle bag, which already contains electronics, files and a few other things that might be useful a bit down the road.

He hears a faint buzz coming from somewhere inside the room. It doesn't take long for him to realize it’s his phone that he left on top of the dresser. He picks it up, checking the caller ID. Charlie , it says. He picks up. 

“Yeah?”, he says as soon as the call connects.

“Hi, Dean” , says the always cherry redhead on the other side of the line, “just thought I’d call, see what's up” , she tells him. Dean huffs a laugh, “oh, a lot”, he says.

“Really!” , she exclaims happily, “why didn’t you tell me earlier?” , she questions, her voice filled with what Dean can tell is fake hurt. “I haven’t really had the time, you know”, he says, plopping down on the bed, “it’s only been a few days since stuff started happening”.

“Fine” , she says, and Dean can practically hear her rolling her eyes, “but you have to tell me everything, right now” , Charlie demands. Dean lets out a soft cuckle.

He and Charlie became friends quickly when they first met at work. Charlie was the new dispatcher at the fire station Dean works at. Now they have been working at the same fire station for seven years. Charlie still as the dispatcher and Dean as the fire lieutenant.

Dean takes a deep breath, “where do I even start?”, he asks, mostly to himself, “so, eh, I found my brother”, he says.

“You found Sam?”, she asks, surprised. “Yeah, I did”, Dean replies, “and he’s here”.

“You seroise?” , she asks happily. “Well, he isn't here here, not right now”, he tells her, “he’s on a date, but he’s in town so technically-”

“He’s on a date!?” , she questions loudly, " wait, how long did you say he has been there?” .

“Yeah, a date”, Dean says, “and he has only been here for a few days”.

“Wow, he really must be a sight to see if he already has a date” , Charlie jokes. Dean huffs a laugh, “Gabriel certainly seems to think that”, he says. “Wait, Gabriel?” , she questions, “like our friend Gabriel?” .

Dean nods even though he knows she can’t see him, “yep, that’s him. I wouldn’t really call him my friend though but whatever”, he says. “Oh my god, that’s huge!” , Charlie exclaims, “I wish I could get a date that quick” .

“I would say you should have asked Gabriel, but he isn’t really your type”, Dean deadpans. “Yeah, no, definitely not” , she says, “but if he were a girl he would be perfect”, Dean huffs a laugh, “you know the blond hair, warm eyes…” , she trails off, thinking about the perfect girl. She lets out a deep sigh, and Dean knows she has gone into dream land, again.

“Charlie you there?”, he asks, not really expecting an answer, he’s used to her day dreaming, “earth to Charlie”, he calls out, “you there?”. He hears fumbling on the other side of the line, then comes Charlie's voice.

“Yeah, I’m here”, she says. “Right”, Dean says, then it hits him, “you know I might have a friend you would like to meet”, he tells her. “What?” , Charlie asks, “what kind of friend?”.

Dean shug, even though Charlie can’t see it, “you know, someone I think you might click with”, he says, nonchalantly. “Mhm, you sure?”.

“Well, I mean. She’s blond, warm eyes, a little bit of an attitude problem sometimes”, Dean tells her, “she would be perfect for you”, he concludes out loud. “And how have I never heard about this friend of your earlier?”, she questions. Dean hesitated for a second, then he decided that the easiest way is through, so he sould just tell Charlie the truth.

“I haven’t really been in contact with her”, Dean says, “and, well, I haven't meet her since we were kids, but Sam is still friends with her and since I’m kinda planing on catching up with some old friends, I might be able o get you a date”, he finishes.

“Do you even know if she’s, you know, into girls?” , Charlie questions. “Not a hundred percent, but I would say about eighty percent sure, that she isn’t straight”, Dean answers. Charlie sighs loudly over the phone, “oh Dean, don’t give me hope”.

“I’m just telling you a possibility”, he defends, “if you would be interested”.

“Of course I would be interested”, she says, “she sounds super hot” . Dean lets out a small laugh, “yeah well, I’ll keep you updated about her. But now I kinda have to go”.

“Okay, I’ll let you go” , she says, " but you have to remember to keep me posted, both about your life and about the girl, got it?” .

“Ay ay, captain”, he says teasingly. “Shut up” , Dean can hear the smile on Charlie's lips as she says it, “anyway, talk to you later peasant” .

“Will do my queen”, he says, before ending the call.

He puts the phone back on the dresser as he stands back up. He takes a deep breath in. It’s only to continue packing.

—

“Chocolate or strawberry?”, Gabriel asks, putting the dessert menu down on the table. 

“What?”, Sam asks confused, raising a brow in question. “Just answer the question”, Gabriel says, “chocolate or strawberry?”.

“Eh, chocolate”, Sam answers, unsure of what the question actually means. “Perfect”, Gabriel says. He turns in his seat and waves over a server. “What can I get for you?”, she asks kindly.

“A double waffle wonder dream with chocolate ice cream and extra sprinkles and whipped cream”, Gabriel tells her. “Alright, anything else?”, she asks, turning to Sam. Who is a little lost about what his date just did.

“No I, I think we’re good”, he says, his mind on something other than ordering dessert. “Alright”, the server says, “your food will be here as soon as it’s ready”, she walks off again, leaving them to themselves. 

“Okay, what just happened?”, Sam asks. “What?, we just ordered dessert”, Gabriel says with a shrug of his shoulders. “Right, okay”, Sam says, nodding slowly. Gabriel chuckles softly, “don’t worry, I promise you’ll love it”.

“I know what else I would love”, he says quietly, so no one around them would hear it. Gabriel gives him a sly smirk, “maybe later big boy”, he says wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam is about to say something back but right then the server comes up to their table and places a large bowl filled with waffles, chocolate ice cream, whipped cream and sprinkles -a lot of sprinkles- on the table between them.

“Not bad huh”, Gabriel comments when he sees Sam's shocked face. Sam shakes his head, “no, not bad at all”.

“Dig in then”, Gabriel says cheringly, handing him a spoon. It tastes heavenly. Gabriel wasn’t lying when he said they had the best dessert ever.

As they leave the restaurant Sam says, “you’re very cute tonight”, he looks down at Gabriel, “and I really want to kiss you”.

Gabriel unlocks the car and they both hop in. “What’s stopping you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam shrugs.

“Can I kiss you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam looks at him, his eyes sparkling. “You want to?”, he asks.

“Hell yeah I want to”, Gabriel answers.

Sam puts his hand on Gabriels cheek and pulls him closer until their lips meet in a soft kiss.

Only a few seconds later they pull away. Neither says a word. Then Sam pulls Gabriel in for another kiss. This one a lot more passionate.

It feels amazing having Gabriel's lips touch his. The kiss grows deeper, longer. It all feels so right. It’s weird to think they just met, only a few days ago. But honestly, neither of them can think right now. The only thing being the feeling of the others lips on theirs. It’s all just so perfect.

“You know we don’t have to do this”, Sam says, as Gabriel parks the car outside of Dean's house. “Do what?”, he asks, sounding genuine. Sam gives him a look, causing Gabriel to smile brightly. “Yeah, I know we don’t have to”, he says, turning his head so he’s looking at the house in front of them. It’s dark in all the windows, everyone is probably already asleep.

“Do you want to?”, Gabriel asks, turning his head back to Sam. Who shrugs, “do you want to?”. Gabriel sighs lightly, a small smile on his lips. “Sam”, he says, “I asked first”.

Sam looks out the window, a warm red creeping up on his cheeks, “yes”, he says quietly, “yes, I want to”, he looks back to Gabriel, who is now wearing a more brave smirk on his face. “But only if you want to of course”, he rushes to say.

“Sam, can I be completely honest with you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam nods as a response. “I have wanted to ever since I saw you in that tight tank top and grey sweatpants the first time we met”, he tells him, “only now it’s with a lot more feelings”.

Sam smiles brightly at him, “then there is only one last question”, he concludes.

“Which is?”.

“Which room, yours or mine”.

Sam quietly closes the bedroom door behind them. As soon as it’s closed Gabriel turns him around and presses his lips against his. “Still feels as good as the first time”, he comments when their lips part. Sam chuckles softly and starts undoing the buttons on Gabriel's dress shirt.

Gabriel pulls Sam into a soft kiss. Their lips still connected he starts unbuttoning Sam’s shirt as well. When Sam pulls his own shirt off to reveal his naked upper body underneath Gabriel can’t help but to stare for a moment, admiring the perfect body of Sam Winchester.

“Like what you see?”, Sam asks teasingly. “No kidding”, Gabriel answers.

Sam lets out a soft chuckle. He grabs Gabriel’s shoulder and leads him backwards towards the bed. Before they hit the mattress Sam pulls off Gabriel's shirt.

As soon as Gabriel’s back hits the soft mattress of the bed Sam is on top of him. For a moment they just stare at each other, admiring the beautiful human in front of them.

“You want this?”, Sam asks softly. Gabriel grabs him by the neck and presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Very much”, Gabriel answers as they pull away.

“Which way do you prefer?”, Sam asks. Gabriel smirks mischievously at him, “whichever way you prefer princess”. Sam rolls his eyes and kisses him deeply.

“I’m gonna make you beg”, he says, before kissing him even deeper.