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Keith was an insomniac. Lance knew this -- he had to know this, early on in their relationship, when he’d fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, only to find Keith still studying or doom-scrolling on his phone. He thrived at night. He stayed up late and woke up as late as possible, and yet somehow still functioned like a normal human, much to Lance’s confusion.
That’s why one night, about a month before their last finals of their junior year, Lance was pulled out of his sleepy haze by his boyfriend crawling into bed next to him. Lance froze, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He strained his neck to see the clock on the bedside table and frowned.
It wasn’t even 11:30.
Keith never went to bed before at least two in the morning.
“ Amor? ” Lance mumbled. “You okay?”
Keith didn’t respond. He scooted closer, burying his face in the crook of Lance’s neck. His cold hands found Lance’s and he locked their fingers together in a way that showed he needed some kind of comfort.
Lance waited. He untangled one of his hand’s from Keith and brought it around his back, holding him tight. His fingers found the stray ends of Keith’s hair -- it used to be much longer. In fact, Lance liked it when it was longer, but Keith had cut it a few months ago for his volleyball tournament. Now, it grew just to his neck, still uneven, but still silky soft.
After a few minutes passed of Lance just stroking Keith’s hair, he decided to try again.
“ Carniño ?” Lance kissed the skin right next to Keith’s ear. “What’s wrong?”
Keith made a short noise, something Lance couldn’t decipher.
“What was that?”
Keith shifted, pulling his face away just a little so he could mutter, “I just talked to Shiro.”
“Oh.” Lance held Keith’s hand tighter. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just -- I just told him that…I wasn’t coming home for the summer.”
Lance froze, his fingers stopping halfway through Keith’s hair. “What?”
“Yeah.”
“You -- what?”
Keith tried to scoot closer but Lance pulled away, trying and failing to catch his boyfriend’s eye. “Is it because of me?”
“No.” Keith mumbled. “I mean -- sort of -- but --”
“I never wanted you to stay here because of me.”
“It’s not just you.”
“Then?”
“It’s…it’s everything.” Keith shook his head. “I can’t stay there, Lance.”
Lance paused. He had told Keith a few weeks ago that he would stay in their apartment by campus for summer break instead of returning home to Cuba. After all, the flights were expensive, their house already overwhelmed and crowded. Besides, Luis -- his brother -- lost his house in one of the hurricanes and had to move his wife and two kids into their childhood home until they could get back on their feet.
It was easier for Lance to stay away -- be one less person to feed, look after, take care of.
But Keith? Keith lived with Shiro and Adam, and as far as Lance could tell, they were more than well-off, working for a world-renowned, federal space exploration academy. So…why was Keith not going back?
“What about everyone else there?” Lance asked softly. “Not just Shiro and Adam, but the Holts -- Katie? Your sister?”
“She’s not my sister.” Keith said automatically, but there was much less bite to it than the first time he’d said it, months ago. “And she knew before Shiro or Adam.”
“What?”
“I told her…I told her over spring break.” Keith paused. “I’ve known since spring break, Lance. I wasn’t going back.”
Lance’s head was spinning. He couldn’t wrap his head around it and he wanted to pry for every detail. But he also knew Keith, and he knew the more he pried in a delicate situation like this, the worse it would get.
So instead, he asked, “How’d she take it?”
Keith exhaled softly, eyes finally meeting Lance’s. There was something vulnerable there, but also something hard and distant.
_____
“The fuck you mean you’re not coming home over summer?” Katie spat. She sprung up from her seat, arms crossed, ready to murder someone.
Keith just sighed, his eyes darting nervously around the room. The garage was empty, just the two of them trying to fix her busted-up robot, but anybody could walk in and hear what they were saying.
“Katie, it’s not --”
“A big deal? Then how come you didn’t tell Shiro and Adam?”
“I’ll tell them!”
“When?”
“When…I’m ready.”
Katie glared. Keith just sighed.
“Katie --”
“Un-fucking believeable, Keith. I can’t believe that after what -- 20 years, you’re suddenly not going to show up to everything we do together? What about the pride parade? What about our 4th of July barbecue? You’re going to fucking abandon it for your boyfriend?”
Keith bristled at the last comment, but he only muttered, “I haven't known you for 20 years, Katie.”
“But you’ve been alive for 20 years. You’ve lived in this town for 20 years and now you’re throwing it away.”
“Do you think it's easy?” Some of Keith’s patience snapped. His hands made fists on the hem of his sweatshirt. “Do you think it’s fucking easy to stay here?”
Something in Katie’s expression flickered, but she only hissed, “What the fuck could be so hard about this town, Keith? What is so terrible about here that you’re going to leave your home and your family for your college --”
“Do you think it’s easy staying here?” Keith snapped. “Do you think it’s fucking easy to stay here, in this house, knowing that not even 30 minutes away, the house I was born in and the house I was supposed to grow up in is abandoned on the beach? I can’t -- I can’t even go to the beach anymore, Katie, because I know what will happen if I see that house, empty and dead.”
Katie’s breath hitched but Keith was too riled up. He stood up, kicking the chair as he went.
“Every fucking part of this fucking town is tainted. Do you get that? Do you get that the hospital is tainted with memories of waking up alone after some shitty, drunken foster parents beat the shit out of me with no regrets? And the police station is where I had to explain again and again to cops who I called one time -- and fuck, they didn’t even help me! They fucking sent me back!”
Katie stared at him, her expression cracked, the anger slipping into guilt and sadness. Keith felt tears well up in his own eyes but he forced them back.
“I can’t even hear a fire truck go by without thinking -- knowing -- that my dad should be on it. That he should be…” Keith pushed the hair out of his face. “I can’t live like this, Katie. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life.”
“I know.” Katie muttered. Her eyes locked on her lap. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.” Keith hesitantly sat back down, wiping his face with his sleeve, trying to be subtle about it.
For a while, silence stretched between them. Keith took a few deep breaths. He listened to Shiro, Adam and Matt’s voices come through the walls, their laughter and chatter as they talked about trivial things. Things that felt unreal in the environment of the garage.
“I don’t have a future here, Katie.” Keith clenched his hands into fists and stared at them. “I’ve known this. Even when I was a kid. Why do you think I only applied to colleges out of the state?”
She didn’t answer.
“I can’t live here. I was never going to be able to live here forever. I need a fresh start.”
“Yeah.” Katie finally agreed, her voice tight. “Yeah, I get that.”
Keith took another deep, shuddering breath. “It’s just…it’s just for the summer. It’s…”
But that was a lie. It wasn’t just for the summer; it was the start of his shift out of here. He could come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but he was almost 21. Almost a senior in college. He had to start looking for a job, or at least apply to grad school. Staying at his apartment at school wasn’t a temporary thing; it was the start of him transitioning to a new, fresh start.
“Don’t tell Shiro and Adam, okay?” Keith finally muttered. “I just…I’ll tell them later. And don’t tell your parents or Matt either. They’d blab.”
Katie nodded. “Yeah. I won’t.”
“Thanks.”
_____
Lance didn’t say anything when Keith finished. There was nothing to say. He leaned closer, peppering his boyfriend’s face with kisses as Keith processed the wave of his emotions on his own.
Finally, Lance spoke: “And what about Shiro?”
He expected Keith to launch into another story, but he only shook his head, tucking his face against Lance’s chest.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Lance knew Keith, and he knew it very much did matter to his boyfriend. But when Keith was in his arms, well before his usual bedtime, quiet and vulnerable, Lance knew better than to ask for details.
So he only held him, shielding him from the harshness of reality he’d inevitably have to face when morning came.