Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Guys, Dani’s stopping by.”

The words snapped Pelle to attention. He had been sketching in his book. Nothing special, just a portrait of Josh poring over one of his textbooks. Pelle sat on an old green couch in Christian and Mark’s apartment with a late October wind howling outside.

The apartment was a classic bachelor’s pad – a hodgepodge of furniture handed down by various family members, random posters and photos stuck to the walls, bongs, and a large flat screen with the newest game console on the market. The fridge was always stocked with beer, but never food. And the place reeked of unwashed male, stale weed, and last night’s pizza. Pelle wondered if all American men lived this way, or if it was just college students.

“Oh, come on! Seriously?” Mark hated Dani. Pelle had listened to him argue with Christian over her many times. Mark was adamant that Christian needed to break up with Dani and join him in bachelorhood. Christian, however, equivocated, time and time again, neither making a full commitment to Dani nor breaking it off with her.

“She ‘stops by’ every time we’re hanging out!” Mark’s wheedling voice irritated Pelle, more so now that this mysterious girlfriend was coming over. Pelle was eager to meet her and see just what sort of woman could inspire so much hate and so little loyalty.

“She does always seem to turn up when we’re over,” Josh chimed in without taking his eyes off the page.

“See?” Mark gestured dramatically in Josh’s direction. “Even Josh has noticed it!”

That drew a half smile from Pelle and a glare from Josh. Since Pelle had met Josh at the beginning of the school year, he hadn’t known anything that could distract the PhD candidate from his studies. In fact, his studies were what drew Josh to Pelle in the first place. Josh was the TA in Pelle’s Icelandic Poetry class. As soon as he had found out that Pelle was from Sweden, Josh had been peppering him with questions non-stop.

That worked just fine for Pelle. He was here on his family’s behalf to find new blood and offerings for his family. That meant getting his friends to come back with him to Sweden next summer. It helped his cause immensely that Josh was so invested in ancient Scandinavian religions and folklore. And when Josh mentioned that he was planning to do his thesis on various cultures’ Midsommar traditions, he knew he had at least one offering to bring to his family.

Pelle thought he could get Christian too. Josh and Christian competed every chance they got, whether it was academics or bar trivia or who could get the most foam on their cappuccino at the coffee shop. Nothing was too small for one to lord it over the other. Added to that Christian’s general aimlessness and his tendency to leech off his classmates’ work, he thought it would no trouble at all to get Christian to glom on to Josh’s dissertation topic and tag along to Sweden.

Mark, well… Mark went wherever Christian went. They had been best friends since middle school, and Mark followed Christian to NYU for college. He’d started in Anthropology with Christian, but he’d changed majors at least half a dozen times at this point. He was still working on his undergraduate degree while Christian was on to his PhD. Mark didn’t care though. His family owned a lucrative business that he would one day inherit, and college was just a delaying tactic for him to avoid growing up.

Dani, though. She was a mystery. As Christian’s girlfriend, she could be a major complication. Pelle needed Christian to come to Sweden, unencumbered by a relationship. From that perspective, he should be backing Mark. But he couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, knowing how her boyfriend spoke about her when she wasn’t around.

“Guys, calm down. She left her hoodie here yesterday. She’s just picking it up. She’s not staying.” Christian’s phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out to check it.

“She better not be.” Mark pouted into his beer.

“She’s not,” Christian insisted. “She’s on her way up. Be nice.”

“We’re always nice,” Josh countered. Pelle had his doubts.

A soft knock came on the door, and Christian opened it up to let Dani inside. Mark and Josh kept their eyes down, sedulously avoiding eye contact. Pelle, however, smiled banally in her direction and then turned back to his sketch, watching her and Christian covertly from behind downturned eyelashes.

She was considerably shorter than Christian. Her hair was blonde. Dyed blonde, Pelle corrected himself seeing her brown roots peeking out. She wore no makeup, and he saw baggy sweatpants under her parka. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, but messy. Not in the fashionable “messy” way he'd seen other women on campus arrange their hair. No, this was legitimately messy. Despite the wary look she wore, Pelle thought she was beautiful. She stood on tiptoes to give Christian a kiss. He accepted the lightest touch of her lips before pulling away and walking back into the living room.

Flustered by Christian’s luke-warm reception, she turned to the others and waved tentatively. “Hi, guys.”

Mark and Josh mumbled hi, and Pelle noted to himself that whatever they thought “nice” was, this wasn’t it. He looked up to say hi, but the word stuck in his throat when his eyes met hers.

They were green, like Hårga fields in spring, with flecks of gold that reminded him of the sun. He felt a sudden tightness in his chest. Something like a bell rung inside him, sending vibrations of recognition through him. She’s Hårgan. The thought sprang into his mind loudly and clearly. It was crazy, of course. He knew every member of the Hårga family, and she was not one of them. But his intuition was screaming that she belonged to them, and that he needed to bring her home.

“You must be Pelle,” she said, trying to break the awkward silence. “Christian’s told me all about you.”

She pronounced his name wrong, and Christian corrected her disdainfully. “It’s Pell-uh, not Pell-ay.”

“Oh! Pell-uh?” she asked Pelle uncertainly. She seemed embarrassed to have gotten it wrong.

“Either way is fine,” Pelle said. Christian’s pronunciation was, in fact, the correct one, but Pelle didn’t want to make her feel any worse. “You must be Dani. I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

“All good I hope?” she said jokingly, but uncertainly, casting a glance in Mark’s direction.

“I’ll go get your hoodie,” Christian excused himself and headed down the hall to his room.

“Yes, all good,” Pelle reassured her. The lie came easily.

She smiled awkwardly, and they dropped into silence. He went back to his sketching, and she rocked from one foot to the other, anxiously waiting for Christian to come back.

“Is this the one you’re looking for?” Christian came back up the hallway with a pale green blob of fabric held in his hand.

“Yes, that’s it!” Dani said brightly. “Thank you so much!”

“Yeah, no problem.” Christian handed her the sweatshirt. Dani took it from him, and Pelle could see her casting about for a reason to prolong the visit.

“Are you still thinking about coming over later?” she asked Christian. She hugged the hoodie to her chest, seeking comfort from its softness.

“I don’t know, babe,” Christian said, settling back down in a chair next to Mark. “I’ve got a lot of homework to work on.” But he picked up a video game controller instead of a textbook.

Dani, rather than push, immediately folded and apologized. “Of course, I’m so sorry. Of course. Don’t even worry about it!” she said brightly, but Pelle could see lines of sadness around her mouth.

“Well, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah, maybe,” Christian said noncommittally, barely looking in her direction.

“All right, well, I’ll call you tomorrow then,” Dani said walking towards the door. Pelle would have expected Christian to get up, kiss her goodbye, acknowledge her departure in some way. But his eyes barely left the tv screen.

“Yep. Bye, babe.” And with that, Dani was dismissed.

Pelle could hardly watch. He could see the struggle on Dani’s face to maintain her composure. To her credit, she held her chin high, bid them all goodbye with cheer still in her voice.

“It was nice meeting you, Dani,” Pelle said, giving her the only eye contact she received from any of them. Damn, guys, was it necessary to be this cold to her? he thought to himself.

She gave him a smile full of gratitude that made his heart beat faster. “It was really nice to meet you too, Pelle.” She still pronounced it Pell-ay, but no one corrected her this time.

He waved good-bye to her, and she to him, while the others continued to ignore her. She let herself out, closing the door behind her.

Mark breathed a dramatic sigh of relief. “Thank god she’s gone!”

Josh gave a half chuckle at Mark’s reaction. Pelle was too put off by what he had just seen to respond.

“And you got out of going over to her place tonight!” Mark gave Christian a congratulatory punch on the shoulder. “Let’s go out and get trashed!”

Christan laughed. “Yeah, why not? Homework can definitely wait.”

“Pelle? Josh? You in?” Mark made finger-guns in their directions.

“Not me,” Josh said, waving Mark off. “I actually give a shit about my degree.” It was said to Mark, but it was a clear shot at Christian, who responded with a scowl in Josh’s direction.

“Pelle?” Mark asked hopefully. He always pronounced it “Pell” as if it rhymed with “bell”, no matter how many times Pelle corrected him.

Pelle knew he should go with them to continue to build their friendship. But he was unimpressed by their treatment of Dani, and he didn’t particularly want to spend the rest of his evening in their company.

“Not me,” he said. “Next time.”

“Ugh!” Mark rolled his eyes at them. “You two are no fun. Come on, Christian, let’s leave them to their studies.”

Christian laughed at Mark, and they all gathered up their things, Josh and Pelle to head to their respective apartments, and Christian and Mark to the nearest bar.

Chapter Text

Pelle stood in front of the mirror in his apartment, trying to decide between ties. He was going to an annual fall party hosted by the Anthropology department, a more formal affair than he was used to attending. He wore his one pair of dress slacks, his one dress shirt, and the two ties he had picked up at the thrift shop this afternoon. Normally, he wouldn’t fuss so much over his appearance, but Christian would be there, and he said Dani might come too.

It had been over two weeks since he met her, and she had been on his mind frequently. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed to bring her home to Hårga, but he had no idea how he was going to do that when the rest of the group would so clearly want her left behind.

He had debated telling Grandma Siv about her. As the matriarch of the family, Pelle was supposed to report to her regularly regarding his progress and seek her advice. But what would he say? That he saw Hårga in her eyes? That he had dreamt of her in his homeland, dressed in solstice white with flowers in her hair? How could he explain to anyone else what he himself didn’t understand?

He was still standing in front of the mirror holding two ties. Gods, what am I doing? he thought to himself. But he knew. He wanted to look his best if he saw Dani again, and there could be only one reason for that. Damn.

He picked the dark blue tie, tossed the other on the bed, and finished getting ready. He was running late, and it was still a 30-minute walk to the Kimmel Center. He grabbed his parka from the hook by the door and headed out, hoping to see her again.

-------

Josh and Pelle had been right on time for the party and stood together chatting with David, another anthropology student. David was older, in his early thirties, shorter than the other men with flecks of grey in his black hair. Pelle had dismissed David early on as a potential offering as soon as he found out the man had a wife and two young children.

Christian hadn’t shown yet, and Pelle still didn’t know if he’d be bringing Dani or Mark as his plus one. He checked the doorway and his watch again, and Josh gave him a sideways glance. Pelle caught it and cursed himself for being obvious. Josh missed nothing.

It was only a few minutes later when Pelle felt the tug of his intuition. He glanced back at the door, and he was rewarded with the sight of Christian with Dani by his side.

She was stunning. Pelle’s heart beat faster as he took her in. She wore a long-sleeved wrap style dress of soft green printed with pale pink roses. Her blond hair was pulled up into a twist, and gold earrings hung from her ears. She wore make up tonight, but soft and natural, not ostentatious. She doesn’t need it, he thought anyway. She was beautiful without it.

Christian waved to Josh and Pelle and made his way over to them, greeting other students and professors as he passed. Dani followed in his wake, smiling brightly and hiding the anxiety he could feel radiating off her.

“Hey, guys,” Christian said, rubbing his hands together as he stopped between David and Pelle. “I’m starving. When’s food coming out?”

Dani took her place in the circle between Christian and Pelle. She was nearly a foot shorter than both men, and when he looked down at her, he could see the top of her head. Standing this close to her, he could smell lavender and soap and something soft and warm he simply labelled “Dani.”

“Hi guys,” she said with a shy wave.

Josh nodded in her direction but addressed himself to Christian. “Should be pretty soon. Nice of you to show up.”

“Hi, Dani. Nice to see you again,” Pelle said to her, smiling warmly, but he hoped not too warmly.

She smiled up at him, “Hi, Pelle. It’s nice to see you too.”

“I’m going to go get a drink, guys. You want anything, babe?” Christian asked Dani.

“White wine, please. Thank you,” she responded, and he walked away, leaving her alone with Josh, Pelle, and David. Josh and David returned to their prior conversation around Professor Kapinski and his general orneriness, leaving Dani and Pelle to their own conversation.

“How is your school year going?” he asked, hoping to draw her out a bit. He knew next to nothing about her, but he wanted to know more.

She half-jumped as if startled to be addressed. He supposed she was used to being ignored when Christian was around his friends. “Oh, good so far, and you?”

“Good,” he said, “barring Professor Kapinski,” he nodded towards Josh and David.

Dani chuckled, “I take it he’s not very popular.”

“I believe the words you are looking for are ‘pain in the ass,’” Pelle said emphatically.

Dani laughed out loud at that, and he delighted in the sound.

“I know the feeling,” Dani replied. “For us, it’s Professor Lutz.”

“Oh, yeah?” Pelle asked. “What’s her story?”

Dani rolled her eyes in frustration. “She’s old school, totally doesn’t believe in anything like computers or email or even homework. She has one exam for the whole semester. That’s it! And it’s blue books too! So, you get one chance to hand write a bunch of essays to show everything you learned, and that’s your grade.”

“Ouch!” Pelle winced. “I’ll take Kapinski any day.”

She laughed again, and Christian returned with their drinks. His presence signaled the end of Pelle and Dani’s conversation as she turned all her attention back to her boyfriend.

Throughout the evening, the small group stayed together, sitting at the same table through dinner and the interminable presentations. Pelle couldn’t maneuver a seat next to Dani at dinner, but he did his best to make sure she was included in the conversations. She relaxed with food and wine as the evening went on.

As soon as the presentations were over and Christian finished dessert, he announced sardonically, “Well, that was a blast as always. Ready to go, babe?”

“Last to arrive, first to leave. Sounds about right,” Josh said reproachfully, but his smile said he agreed with Christian.

“Whatever,” Christian said as he and Dani got up from the table. “You hate these things too.”

Josh grinned his agreement. “See you guys later.”

“Have a good night, Christian, Dani,” Pelle said, nodding to each of them as they walked by.

“Good night, Pelle, it was good to see you again,” Dani said, touching a hand casually to his shoulder she walked by.

“You too,” he said lamely, rotating in his chair to watch her walk out.

When he turned back to the table, both David and Josh were staring at him. “What?” he asked defensively.

“Seems like you and Dani were getting along nicely,” David said meaningfully.

“Yeah, what’s that all about?” Josh asked with an edge to his voice. He may not have considered Christian much of a scholar, but he was still Josh’s friend. And Josh did not want to see his friend betrayed.

“What? I was just being nice and trying to include her,” Pelle said incredulously. Gods, was I that obvious?

“Uh-huh,” David said doubtfully. Josh gave Pelle a long look, and Pelle affected innocence.

“I’m serious, guys, that’s all it was,” Pelle addressed this last comment to Josh. He needed Josh to get Christian and Mark; staying on his good side was paramount.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Josh said, dismissing it for now. But Pelle knew he would have to be more careful going forward.

Chapter Text

He heard Dani’s laughter before he saw her.

He was dreaming, back in Hårga, dressed in his solstice attire and walking through the village with Ingemar. They were talking about their offerings, and Pelle had been telling him about Dani.

They both turned when they heard the laughter. Dani was in a field with the other women of the Summer House, picking wildflowers. She wore a Hårgan white solstice dress and had her hair up in braids. She and his sister Hanna were sharing secrets and giggling, and the sight warmed his heart.

When Dani spotted him, she waved and excused herself from the other women. She ran up to him with a multicolored handful of flowers, still laughing at whatever Hanna had said last.

“Good morning, Pelle,” she said, still using her own special pronunciation of his name.

“Good morning, Dani. Having fun?” he asked.

“Oh, my God, yes,” she said. “Hanna is the best!”

“I knew you two would get along.” Hanna waved to Pelle from the field, and he waved back.

“What do you have here? Are these for me?” he asked teasingly, reaching for the flowers.

“No!” she said, pulling them out of his reach. “They’re for me. Hanna says if we put these under our pillow tonight, we’ll dream of the man we’re going to marry.”

“And who do you think that will be?” he asked.

“Well, if I knew, I wouldn’t need the flowers, would I?” she said playfully.

He laughed at that, and then asked, “And who do you hope it will be?” He meant the tone to be light-hearted and playful, but he held his breath as he waited for her response.

She smiled coyly and put the flowers to her nose, smelling them instead of answering his question. Pelle plucked a single yellow flower from her bouquet and tucked it into one of her braids.

Grandma Irma appeared then, calling the women in to start lunch. Dani waved her acknowledgement and said to Pelle, “Duty calls.”

“Wait,” he said, grabbing her arm as she turned away. He pulled her back and kissed her thoroughly. Her body melted into his as she kissed him back.

When they parted, he said, “Now you can go.” But rather than release her, he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “And dream of me.”

She looked up at him with love in her eyes and said softly, “I will.”

She went off then with Hanna and the other women, leaving Pelle alone in the field with Ingemar and a bouquet of freshly picked wildflowers.

------

He didn’t have to wait long to see Dani again. The following week he was out to pizza with Josh, Christian, and Mark when she entered the restaurant and approached the “Pick Up Order Here” sign.

“Dude, what’s she doing here?” Mark complained.

“Who?” Christian asked, turning to the door. He saw Dani and said, “oh shit!” under his breath, sinking down into the booth to avoid being seen.

“What did you do?” Josh asked in the tone one reserves for naughty children.

“I told Dani you were helping with thesis ideas,” he said to Josh. “She wanted me to go out with her tonight.”

“Busted,” Josh said unsympathetically as Dani caught sight of the group and headed straight for them, a small pizza box held in her hands.

“Hey, guys, what are you doing here?” she asked, casting a sharp glance at Christian.

“Hey, Dani,” Mark said. “Study break. I had to get these two out of the apartment. Too much thinking is bad for your health, you know.”

“I see,” Dani said, staring directly at Christian with a look that said she didn’t buy it at all.

“What?” Christian asked defensively. “We were working on thesis ideas, we got hungry, and we came out for pizza. God, Dani, you know how hard this has been for me. And now, what, I can’t even eat?!?” He threw his napkin on the table indignantly.

Pelle’s eyebrows rose at Christian’s reaction. Christian was clearly in the wrong, had been caught in a lie, and yet he was behaving as if he were the victim in all of this.

Dani held her hands up in front of her as if to ward off Christian’s anger. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t say you couldn’t eat. I was just surprised to see you guys here. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it,” she ended, pleading for understanding entering her voice.

Christian folded his arms and looked at her tolerantly but said nothing.

“How’s… how’s it going? The thesis ideas, I mean?” Dani continued, trying hard to get back in Christian’s good graces.

“I mean, it’s going okay. Nothing concrete yet,” Christian responded coldly.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I mean it, Christian, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. You know how I get crazy sometimes.” Mark nodded solemnly, agreeing with her last statement.

“It’s okay, babe,” Christian said magnanimously, “I know. I forgive you.”

They continued talking about the work on the thesis as if had really been happening while Pelle privately reeled at what he was seeing. Christian was clearly a master manipulator when it came to Dani, and she was just as clearly not able to see it. He was appalled at Christian for making Dani apologize for catching him in a lie.

“Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you. Mark and I are going to see that band ,‘I Voted for Kodos’, Friday night.” Christian said it offhandedly, as if he just remembered. But Pelle could tell from the tension in his shoulders that he expected a bad reaction, and he had waited to do it in front of an audience. “Right, Mark?”

“Yup,” Mark shrugged at Dani half apologetically.

“So that means you won’t be able to come to the new Aster movie with me?” Dani looked crushed.

“Babe, you know how important this is to me. I’ve been wanting to see this band for years, and now they’re playing at The Bitter End. You wouldn’t want me to miss it, would you?” Christian leaned back into the booth and fixed her with a pointed look.

“Nooo…no, of course not.” Dani shook her head. “You should go and have fun. I was just hoping you could come since Lauren can’t.”

“Are you talking about Ari Aster’s new movie?” Pelle interjected, unwilling to continue watching Christian and Dani’s drama play out.

“Yeah, do you know him?” Dani asked.

“I do. I love his movies. I didn’t realize he had another one coming out.”

“Yeah, his new one is coming out on Friday. My friend Lauren and I always go to see his movies on opening night. Well, not just his, but his too,” she was rambling now, her mind obviously still on Christian. “But Lauren can’t come this weekend because she’s got a family thing. So, I was hoping Christian would come with me, but he’s got a date with Mark apparently.” An edge crept into her voice, and he was pleased to see her anger towards Christian rising again. That’s it, Dani. Don’t let him push you around.

Christian shrugged and said nothing, still convinced he had the upper hand. Mark grinned broadly. “Sorry, I’m just that awesome.”

“Would you want to come with me?” Dani blurted out, cheeks reddening almost immediately. Christian raised an eyebrow, and she rushed on, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that. I just meant, since you’re one of Christian’s friends, which kind of makes you my friend, and you like Aster too, and I’m too scared to go alone,” she ended lamely.

Her invitation surprised Pelle. Reading the room, apparently it surprised the others as well. He was thrilled but careful to look only mildly interested. The men were all watching him now, waiting to see his reaction. In the battle between Dani and Christian, Pelle had just been made a pawn. He had to say yes, had to take this opportunity to see her again, especially without Christian and Josh’s watchful eyes. But he couldn’t risk losing three offerings for it either.

“Sure, I mean, if it’s all right with you, Christian.” For someone who consistently talked about breaking up with his girlfriend, Christian was practically radiating possessiveness. Pelle diplomatically gave his friend the opportunity to veto the whole idea. It took away some of the power Dani had claimed by inviting him, but it was unfortunately necessary to navigate the tricky landscape she had thrust him into.

Christian looked from Pelle to Dani and back to Pelle. Giving up with a shrug, Christian said, “Keep your hands to yourself, and I don’t care.” Christian gave Dani a pointed stare. Your move.

She stared back at him, and the silence became awkward quickly. Mark was grinning, and Josh had buried himself in a book. Pelle broke the silence, taking out his phone and asking, “When is it?”

Dani looked simultaneously pissed and anxious, whether at her own audacity or Christian’s reticence Pelle didn’t know. She was losing ground, and she knew it. She took a deep breath and said, “This Friday night. Why don’t you give me your number, and I’ll text you the details.”

They traded information, and she promised to text him to firm up plans.

“Well, I’ll leave you boys to it, then,” she said, friendly enough but still with an edge. “See you all later.” She nodded, turned on her heel, and walked out the front door.

Christian relaxed, and Mark clapped him on the shoulder in congratulations, saying, “Dodged a bullet and got out of going to that stupid movie!”

Josh turned to Pelle while Mark and Christian were congratulating themselves and mouthed what the fuck? to him. Pelle mouthed back I don’t know and shrugged his shoulders, doing his best to look like the latest victim of Christian and Dani’s relationship.

“I mean, Pelle’s trying to steal your girl, but other than that, good job,” Mark said teasingly.

“Definitely not,” Pelle made a face, leaning into their dislike of Dani and pretending he felt the same. “I just felt bad for her. Are you sure this is okay, Christian? I can cancel. It’s not a big deal.” Pelle knew he was treading a thin line here. He tried to look as earnest and unthreatening as possible. He knew Christian underestimated him. It was Josh he had to convince.

Christian shrugged again. “Yeah, it’s fine. I don’t want to go, so you’re basically doing me a favor.”

“Way to take one for the team, Pelle!” Mark cheered. Pelle let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Oh, and one more thing,” Christian turned back to him briefly. “She and Lauren like to do these movie marathons to get psyched up for a new film. It’s a pain in the ass. She might try to suck you into it too. Don’t feel like you have to go to that, too.”

------

Dani stepped out onto the cold street, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She couldn’t believe she’d invited a man she barely knew to come to a movie with her, in front of her boyfriend! What was she thinking?

She pulled her hood up against the cold wind and awkwardly pulled out her phone to text Lauren one handed.

I did something stupid. Call me as soon as you can.

What must Christian be thinking? He said it was okay, but still. Her stomach churned as she thought of how she would feel if he’d invited one of her friends to go to a movie alone with him. She must be insane.

Her phone dinged with Lauren’s response. Broke up with Christian?!?!

Dani winced at that. Lauren had been pushing her to break up with him for months, saying she deserved better than someone so callous. Actually, the word she used was “narcissist”.

No!!!, she texted back.

Boo. On a date right now. (It’s a dud.) Call you as soon as I’m out.

Dani trudged on, clinging to her pizza as if it were holding her upright. She and Christian had been together for 3 and half years. He was her first, and only, serious relationship.

Ironically, Lauren was the reason they had even met. She and Lauren had grown up together; their mothers were best friends. They came to NYU together, Lauren to pursue fashion and Dani for psychology. Freshman year Lauren was on the prowl for any good-looking men she could catch in her web. She would make Dani go with her to parties, hoping Dani would meet someone too.

Eventually, Dani did – Christian. It was one of the many events Lauren had been invited to, this one thrown by a senior she’d had a very brief fling with. Lauren was hoping to hook back up with him; Dani was hoping they could go home early.

Instead, she found herself chatting with a red-headed anthropology student who was funny, charming, and as disdainful of the party as Dani was. He’d asked for her number, and soon they were dating in earnest.

She smiled to herself as she thought of the early days in their relationship; Christian had been so sweet, so attentive, so loving and supportive when he first found out about her sister. The perfect boyfriend.

But slowly, things had soured. Her sister’s issues had only escalated, and Dani had become more and more dependent on Christian for support. And the more dependent she became, the more he pushed her away.

Dani’s phone rang as she was rounding the corner to her apartment building, and she rushed to answer it. “Lauren, thank God!”

“Hey, babe, what’s up?”

“Oh, my God, Lauren, I’m so stupid! I walked down to Gino’s to pick up a pizza, and I ran into Christian and Josh and Mark and Pelle. I picked a fight with him because he told me he couldn’t go out with me tonight because he and Josh were working on his thesis idea, and I was pissed to see him out with the guys.” Dani managed the lock to the outer door of her apartment building one handed and pushed it open with her shoulder.

“You mean you caught him red handed in a lie, and you called him on it.” Lauren corrected.

“He didn’t lie, Lauren,” Dani defended. “They just were taking a break to get some food. They really were working on it.”

“Uh-huh,” Lauren said skeptically.

“Anyway, Christian told me he can’t come with me to the movie Friday night because he and Mark are going to see a band at The Bitter End.”

“Figures,” Lauren scoffed from the other end of the line. “He always has an excuse.”

Dani ignored that remark in favor of continuing with her story. “Any way, turns out Pelle is a big Ari Aster fan, so I, in all my wisdom, asked him if he wanted to go with me, in front of Christian and all his dumb friends who already don’t like me.”

Dani unlocked her apartment door and walked into her apartment, her sanctuary. The windows were small, and it was dark outside. But soft lighting flooded the apartment when she flicked on the light, and she was greeted by a veritable greenhouse of plants. She shrugged out of her parka and kicked off her boots as Lauren laughed.

“That. Is. Amazing. Is he cute?”

“Lauren, that’s not the point!”

“Is he cute?”

Dani flopped down on her couch with her pizza, allowing Lauren’s enthusiasm and support to relax her. “I don’t know. He’s got kind of a boyish thing going on.”

“Hmm. Not my vibe. But that sounds fun for you!”

“Lauren! Be serious!”

“Fine. What do we need to do?”

Dani pulled a blanket up over her lap, trying to warm up from the cold. “I don’t know. I mean, I can’t go to a movie with a man I barely know. What if he’s like a serial killer or something?”

Lauren laughed. “Not likely, he’s from Sweden.”

“They have serial killers in Sweden, too, Lauren.”

“I’m sure they’re very polite. What do you want to do? Cancel?”

No, Dani thought to herself. She didn’t really understand why, but she very much did not want to cancel. “No, I can’t do that either. I mean, I can’t insult one of Christian’s friends. He’s the only one that’s nice to me.”

“So, invite him out beforehand. Like for coffee or something. Get to know him a bit.”

“What, like a date? Come on, Lauren, be serious.”

Lauren laughed again. “Yes!! Perfect!”

“Stop! I’m serious!” Dani scolded, but she couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping her. God, I’m giggling. What is wrong with me?

“How about this?” Lauren said matter-of-factly. “We were already planning our pre-game marathon for Thursday, right? Invite him over for that. You can get to know him a little better without having to carry on a conversation the whole time. And if he turns out to be a serial killer, he’ll have to deal with both of us. I’ll wear my stilettos. They’re basically lethal weapons.”

“Oooo, that’s a good idea. And maybe you two will hit it off.” Dani twinged a little bit at the thought, but setting up Lauren with Pelle would be one way to show Christian that she had no interest in him beyond friendship.

“He doesn’t sound like my type, but I’ll see what I can do, sweetie.”

“You are a lifesaver!”

“I know!”

Chapter Text

Pelle checked his phone for the dozenth time that morning. Still no text from Dani. He wouldn’t blame her for backing out. She had only met him twice, well three times counting last night. And while Christian may have said he was fine with it, he didn’t look fine with it. Dani surely would have picked up on that too. It was plainly half the reason she invited Pelle, to get back at Christian for bailing on her twice in one week.

He tossed the phone down on the futon next to him. His apartment was small, just a studio with one big room and a bathroom. His futon spent its days as a couch and its nights as a bed. The walls were mostly bare, except for a few pictures of him with Hårga family members. Ingemar. Father Odd. Grandma Siv. He touched the names in his mind as if by doing so he could conjure them here.

He had called Grandma Siv last night, but she was away tending to Felicity, one of his sisters who was pregnant and having a difficult time. They didn’t have the same parents of course, but she was a member of the Hårga in his age group, and that made her his sister. He was as anxious to hear back from Grandmother Siv as he was from Dani. He needed to talk to her about what he had sensed when he met Dani, the pull he continued to feel when she was near. He could no longer shirk his calls home. It was time to lay it all out on the table. Grandmother would understand, he assured himself. She had always respected Pelle’s intuition.

Pelle had always been special amongst the Hårga – “unclouded intuition” they’d called it. He had a knack for reading people, for understanding their motivations and emotions, sometimes better than they themselves did. It was what made him good at pilgrimage and finding new blood to bring back. He could always pick out the men who would enjoy spending a week with his sisters and leaving their seed behind.

This year was different, though. This year, he needed not just new blood, but offerings for the fire as well. It was the 90-year festival where not only would they participate in the normal Midsommar festivities, but they would also sacrifice nine people to the flames to ensure the prosperity of their village for the next 90 years to come. Pelle was conflicted about this. He believed in his faith, his gods, and above all his family. He understood the necessity. But picking people to come to Hårga knowing they would never return?

He assuaged his guilt by reminding himself that he would join them in the fire. He asked nothing of them he wasn’t willing to do himself. And he was fortunate to have found men largely unencumbered by family or meaningful aspirations. Josh was ambitious, of course, but his ambition was for knowledge. He would attain it all when he joined the Everything next summer.

He had wondered about Christian, knowing there was this mysterious girlfriend. At first, he thought his best bet was to back Mark in getting them to break up. Then Christian would be free to come to Sweden and not come back. But now, he felt a sense of urgency around Dani. He had to bring her to his family. If Christian stayed with Dani, he might not be willing to mate with his sisters. If they broke up, Pelle might have to choose between bringing three men, or one woman, who may or may not want to stay after what she would see.

He'd never seen a new blood stay with the Hårga. He knew it happened, but usually with children, ones so young as to have no memory of their life before. But never an adult, never one with their own family. Could it even be done? Would the family accept her?

He discarded that idea as soon as he had it. They would accept her. She was meant to be Hårgan. He knew it in his bones. “She belongs to us,” he said out loud to no one. To me, a small voice said in his head. He breathed out and in quickly, a Hårgan technique to clear the unholy affekts. He could bring her to Hårga, but he wouldn’t be around long enough to make her his own. Besides, it wasn’t for him to say. The elders had to approve any relationships.

His phone dinged softly, and the screen lit up with a preview of a text. From Dani. He held his breath as he swiped up to read it. Hi, Pelle. It’s Dani, Christian’s girlfriend.

He debated delaying his response to hide his excitement. But he couldn’t wait any longer to know if she would cancel on him. Hi, Dani! Still on for Friday?

Yep! Her text came back quickly, and Pelle let out his breath in a rush. The 7pm show at the AMC Village 7. Want to meet there at 6:30 so we can get snacks and find a good seat?

Works for me! He had no idea how he would get there without a car; but he’d find a bus route. Or pay for a taxi. He didn’t care. He’d be wherever she wanted. Another quick exhale-inhale.

Oh! Also, Lauren and I usually do these movie marathons on Thursday nights. We do it every week, but the Thursday before a premiere is always a bigger deal. Would you want to join us? You could meet Lauren! She’s super cute and funny!

Pelle thought about that for a moment. Christian did warn him about their movie marathons, but he didn’t tell him he couldn’t go. Clearly, Dani wanted Lauren to approve Pelle before Friday night. And if she set Pelle up with her friend, then she would be free and clear in the eyes of Christian. Pelle had no intention of settling for the friend, though.

He smiled wryly at his own thoughts. She was his friend’s girlfriend, a man he fully intended to bring to the next Midsommar festival as new blood and a potential offering. But he’d felt like a teenager with a crush from the moment he met her, and his intuition was becoming more and more insistent that she should belong to him.

I’d love to! When and where?

Great! Dani’s reply included her address, and then followed up with Can you get there around 5-5:30? That’s when Lauren usually gets there. Oh, and you don’t need to bring anything. We order delivery for dinner, and I have more popcorn than three people can eat in one night. It’s an addiction.

He smiled at that and made another note in the mental book he was keeping titled “Dani”. I’ll be there! He’d have to skip his 4pm class to get there early enough, but he didn’t care. She was worth it.

------

Thursday night came way too quickly for Dani. Her stomach had been in knots, and she hadn’t been able to concentrate on her classes. If she could have gone back in time, she’d have duct taped her own mouth shut to prevent herself from inviting Pelle to the movie. It was too late now. Lauren had just gotten here, and Pelle was due any minute. She opened the cabinet above the sink and looked at her Ativan bottle for a moment. Yeah, she needed it. She opened the bottle, dumped out a pill, and swallowed it dry.

Lauren caught the action from her place on the couch. “You okay there, hon?” she called out.

“No,” Dani said, grimacing. “What was I thinking?”

Lauren grinned, “You were thinking your boyfriend’s an ass for bailing on you and that he needs to be punished a little bit.”

“God, you’re probably right,” Dani said, straightening the kitchen table for the third time since Lauren arrived.

Lauren got up and walked over to give Dani a hug from behind. “Relax, girl, it’s going to be fine. He’s not going to care how clean your apartment is, and he’s not going to put the moves on you when you’re dating his friend. And if he does, he’s trash who doesn’t deserve you.”

Dani laughed at that and nodded. And then jumped when the knock sounded on her door. Lauren gave her one more squeeze and then went to the door to open it.

------

Pelle had debated on whether he should bring something. Dani said not to, but it felt rude to show up empty handed. He settled on a bottle of red wine. Not the best, but not the cheapest either. He was gripping the neck of the bottle nervously when the door to Dani’s apartment opened to reveal a tall, thin woman with red hair and golden hazel eyes. She reminded him of his sister, Maja, although Maja was never so fashionably dressed. She wore slim black pants and a green sweater, draped carefully off her shoulder. Her hair was curled at the ends, and she looked him up and down the way a bear sizes up a snack.

“Well, hello,” she drawled out, leaning against the door frame. “You must be Pelle.”

He peeked into the apartment to see Dani standing a few feet behind Lauren. “That’s me,” he said casually. “Am I allowed in?”

“Of course,” Lauren stepped back, and he entered Dani’s apartment.

His first impression, other than the black stilettos sitting by the doorway that were clearly not Dani’s, was of overwhelming plant life. Every nook and cranny had green plants growing – succulents, ferns, lilies, he half expected to see plain grass somewhere. “Wow,” he said, brushing the frond of fern that hung by the door out of his hair as it reached out for him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many plants in one apartment before.”

Dani flushed, and Lauren jumped in. Pelle was sure she had never been speechless in her life. “Oh yeah, that’s Dani. She’s a rehab for plants. All of us that get a wild hair that we can keep one alive inevitably bring them to Dani when they start to die. She can bring anything back to life, can’t you, girl?”

Pelle smiled broadly at Dani. She shrugged and gave the ghost of a smile. “I’ve always had a knack for it.”

“Hell, I’ve even seen her pick up plants out of other people’s trash to bring them home to save.” Lauren kept the conversation going while she sized up Pelle.

“That seems noble,” Pelle offered.

He could tell the topic was only increasing Dani’s discomfort, so he changed it quickly. “I brought some wine. I know you told me not to bring anything, but it felt rude to show up empty handed.”

“No, that’s wonderful. Thank you, Pelle.” Dani came close to grab the wine bottle from him, and he caught the barest whisper of her scent.

“Please, take your coat off. Come in and make yourself at home.” She brought the wine around to the other side of the kitchen counter and took down three glasses.

Pelle took off his coat and hung it up on the hook by the door. He also took off his shoes and left them on the small tile entryway next to Lauren’s. He watched Dani pour the wine, taking in the details of her outfit and her mood. Dani, in sharp contrast to Lauren, wore baggy jeans and an over-sized gray t-shirt. She wore no makeup again and had pulled her hair back in a rough ponytail. Her attire was comfortable, functional, unassuming. Her attitude, however, was one of discomfort and anxiety. He hoped he could help her relax before the night was over.

He caught Lauren watching him and turned away from Dani to look at the apartment. It reminded him of Hårga. The walls were painted in a pale blue with white trim. Across from the doorway sat a small couch under a window, flanked on either side by printed art featuring what looked to be a cycle of moons on one side and a woman rescuing a baby from a hoard of monsters on the other. He was immediately drawn in by the unusual picture and found himself approaching it.

Dani walked up and handed him a glass of wine. “What do you think?” she asked cautiously. He heard popcorn popping softly behind them.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “It’s intense, a little scary, but, hopeful, I think.”

She nodded and smiled up at him. He had apparently passed the test. He took one last look at the picture and then Dani and adjusted his appraisal of her up even higher. She was much more complex than she let on initially.

Lauren came to the living room with a large glass bowl overflowing with popcorn and sat down in the armchair, strategically leaving the small couch for Pelle and Dani. Pelle was turning to sit down when he caught sight of a picture on a shelf at his eye level. It was a younger Dani, hair her natural brown, holding a silver flute while a blonde girl wrapped her arm around Dani’s shoulder. He picked up the picture, turned to Dani, and asked, “Do you still play?”

“No, not for the last couple of years.” She took the picture from his hand and set it back up on the shelf. Her fingers trailed over the blonde girl in the picture tenderly before she turned away again.

“Why not?” he asked carefully, sensing a sore spot.

“I just fell away from it when things… I mean, when life got busy.”

“Should we watch Hereditary first? Since it came out first?” Lauren interjected, obviously trying to spare Dani from this topic. Pelle dropped it but added it to the list of known facts about her.

“That makes sense to me,” Dani answered.

“Isn’t that the same actress from the Conjuring?” Lauren asked, gesturing at the title card on the screen.

“What? No!” Dani wrinkled her nose.

Pelle sat down on the couch. “What’s that look?” he asked, having picked up on the teasing tone coming from Lauren.

“She has a thing against the Conjuring. Well, really anything that gives witches a bad name.”

“Oh really?” Pelle turned to Dani and raised an eyebrow. “A secret double life?”

Dani laughed a bit at that. “God, no.” She shot Lauren a dirty look, but she was clearly having fun with the banter.

Pelle turned the raised eyebrow to Lauren, asking tacitly for an explanation.

“Apparently, one of her ancestors was burned at the stake in Sweden back when they still did that kind of thing.” Lauren sat up suddenly, eyes shining. “Hey, maybe Pelle’s family burned her.”

Pelle held up both hands, palms facing out. “Wasn’t me.”

“Ha ha.” Dani said dryly, hands on her hips.

Lauren turned back to Pelle. “I think we tried every combination of Ouija boards, tarot cards, and crystals in middle school trying to get her to talk to us. No luck.” Dani and Lauren both chuckled at the memory.

Dani had ancestors in Sweden. Was this the source of the recognition he felt when they first met? Could they have been Hårgan? But why would they have left? And when?

“Really though?” he asked curiously. “Do you know what part of Sweden you’re from?”

“No,” Dani sat down on the small couch next to Pelle. Her thigh touched his accidentally, and she jumped and slid closer to the other end. “I tried to do my genealogy one time, but I didn’t get much past the 1800s. Who knows? It’s probably just a story my grandma made up because they supposedly had the same name.”

“Erin, wasn’t it?” Lauren asked.

“Eirunn. E-i-r-u-n-n.” Dani clarified, pronouncing it like “AY-roon” with the emphasis on the first syllable.

Lauren shot Pelle a questioning look. “Ring any bells?”

He shook his head. “No, but it’s an interesting name for a witch. Depending on how you translate it, it means something like ‘merciful love’ or ‘protective wave’. Definitely associated with the goddess Eir, though, and she was known for healing.”

“Huh, I never knew that,” Dani said, grabbing the popcorn bowl off the coffee table and settling in. “Let’s get started.”

------

“That is interesting.”

Grandmother Siv’s voice came through the speaker of Pelle’s phone weighty with meaning. They had finally connected. He had just told her about Josh, Mark, and Christian. But more importantly, he had told her about Dani and what he’d learned the night before.

“Is it, Grandmother?” he asked. “I mean, surely there are thousands of women in America who can trace their ancestry to Sweden.” He had felt so sure of himself before. But trying to explain a gut feeling to someone else was filling him with doubt.

“Of course, lille Pelle,” she reassured him. “Your intuition has always been spot on about people. You’ve never had such a feeling before, and you’ve met pretty women before,” she added teasingly.

He blushed at that. Grandma Siv saw right through his altruistic desire to bring a sister home.

“I’ll tell you, Pelle, Eirunn is a name that is familiar to me, although I can’t remember why. I’ll do some research on our end. Make sure to send us her birth date, time, and location. The boys’ too. Oh, and Dani’s parents if you can get it as well. We’ll draw up charts, and I’ll have Mats start on her genealogy right away. He has much more access to the old records than Dani would ever have on her own. Have you cast your runes about her?”

Pelle swallowed, caught. “No, Grandmother, I left them at home.”

“Tsk,” she said reprovingly but unsurprised. Pelle, while unfailingly loyal to his family, had never been the most devout follower of the old ways. “I shall cast mine for you and let you know what I learn.” Siv turned serious then. “Pelle, don’t pursue this Dani.”

“What do you mean?” He was surprised at Siv’s bluntness. Pelle didn’t need to be told the rule against unsanctioned relationships. Siv must be worried about something else.

“You must go slowly. The offerings are the priority. If we can bring this girl into the family, we will. But such a thing is very difficult, and risky. Don’t lose three men for one woman. Stay connected. Be her friend. But nothing more. At least until we have more guidance to give you.”

Her directive irritated Pelle. It shouldn’t. It was perfectly reasonable. He’d give Ingemar the same advice. But being told to keep his relationship with Dani strictly platonic grated him for reasons he understood all too well.

The rest of the call was news about the family. Felicity was doing well again. Ingemar had potential offerings as well. Maja was excited to see pictures of the new bloods Pelle might be bringing. Father Odd said hello. It was good to hear from her, hear about the family again. America was a strange place to Pelle. He didn’t fit in here. He knew Dani didn’t either.

Chapter Text

Pelle walked up the bustling street to the cinema where he was supposed to meet Dani. Ordinarily, he’d be concerned about finding someone in such a crowd. But where Dani was concerned, he seemed to have a sort of radar. When she was near, he could not stop pinging.

Sure enough, he felt her presence before he saw her. She was standing near the ticket window, wrapped up in her heavy parka and warm boots that came up to her knees. But the night was freezing, unseasonably cold, and she was stamping her feet to try to stay warm while she waited. He noticed her hair was down, and from this distance, she appeared to be wearing makeup. He also noted that instead of sweatpants or baggy jeans, she wore black leggings.

“Hey, Dani!” he called out, waving to her as he walked up.

“Hi! Ready to go in? I already got our tickets.” She patted her coat pocket where the tickets presumably laid. “I’m freezing out here!” she added unnecessarily.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to pay for the tickets. Let me at least pay for the popcorn, and whatever else you want.” He held the door open for her and followed her into the cinema.

“That’s really not necessary, Pelle.”

“I insist.” He knew she couldn’t resist popcorn, so he placed a light hand on the small of her back and guided her into the food line. He knew this was exactly what Siv was warning him against, but he couldn’t help himself. The urge to make physical contact was overwhelming.

“Not fair. You know my weakness, but I don’t know yours,” she pouted at him.

You are, he thought to himself, but he knew better than to say it. “Hmm, I think that would be pancakes.”

“Pancakes?!” she exclaimed in surprise.

He nodded seriously. “Pancakes. Grandma Irma makes the best pancakes.”

She looked him up and down as if reassessing her opinion of him based on this new information. “Pancakes. I’ll remember that.”

They reached the front of the food line, and Dani ordered the largest popcorn they had and a soda. Pelle ordered a soda for himself and paid.

As they made their way into the theater and to their seats, Dani spoke over her shoulder to Pelle. “I have to warn you – I love Ari Aster films, but I’m an absolute baby when it comes to jump scares. I’ll try not to spill popcorn on you, but no promises.”

“Really?” he asked as they located their seats.

“Really,” she confirmed. “It’s one of the reasons I hate going to horror movies alone.” She took off her parka and stuffed it under her seat. She was wearing a long plum tunic sweater much nicer than her normal attire. She did dress up. Was it for him? Or for herself? He was suddenly glad he’d taken his sister Hanna’s recommendation to wear a nicer shirt with his typical jeans, the light blue one she said set off his eyes.

“That makes sense,” he said, as they settled into their seats and the theater lights darkened. She grinned at him in excitement as the previews started, and her smile struck him squarely in the chest.

He watched her as much as the movie that night. She was engrossed in the screen, giving him ample time to study every detail of her. She was usually reserved and overly polite, but here in the dark of the theater, she had let her guard down. He saw every emotion writ on her face as the movie played out. And she hadn’t lied about the jump scares; she did get popcorn on him a few times. He just laughed and brushed it aside as she blushed and apologized profusely.

“Oh my god, that was so good!” she said as the lights came up. They had stayed to the end of the credits to let the bulk of the crowd exit first.

“I think that’s my favorite Aster film,” he agreed, as he brushed a few more popcorn kernels from his lap and stood up to put his coat on. If only because I saw it with you, he thought to himself.

“Really? Me, too,” she said, grabbing her parka and heading up the aisle.

“Did you notice…” she began and started to rattle off all the similarities she saw between this new film and the movies they had watched the night before. She was very observant, and the list was quite long.

Their conversation deepened as they walked out of the theater, and several minutes passed in discussion of Aster’s movies, with both of them growing colder and colder. Pelle spotted a coffee shop across the street from the theater and gestured to it, asking, “Want to get a cup of coffee with me?”

Dani looked from the coffee shop to Pelle and seemed to hesitate for a moment. But she had been enjoying the conversation, and she gave in quickly. “Sure.”

It was late, but it was New York, and there were still plenty of cars on the street. They waited for an opening and then jogged across to the coffee shop and into the warm, richly scented air.

“Aaah,” Dani said, unzipping her coat. “Warmth.”

He laughed. “Yes, I didn’t want to freeze to death out there.”

“Definitely not.” They went up to the register and after the expected argument about who would pay (he let Dani win) got their coffees and picked a table near the fireplace.

They sat and talked for hours. They moved quickly from the movie on to school and life and their plans for the future. Dani talked about Christian (he thought mostly to reiterate that she was loyal to him), telling Pelle how they met and how long they’d been together. He began to understand just how much of a challenge he had in front of him. As she told him stories of their time together, it was clear to him that Dani had an unhealthy dependence on Christian. It would need to be broken, but how? Could he do it without hurting her? Without losing her? Grandma Siv was right; he needed to go carefully.

Dani asked about Pelle too, wanting to know more about where he was from, his family and upbringing. He had to tread carefully here. He couldn’t risk revealing too much. He mentioned that his parents had died when he was very young and felt the familiar pang when he thought of them. It was like an old bruise, still painful and slow to heal. He avoided touching it whenever he could, and he wasn’t ready to go back to those memories yet.

So, he talked about Grandma Irma’s pancakes, and she laughed. He told her about Ingemar, his best friend from childhood, and she told him about her long friendship with Lauren. He could see she was carefully not talking about her family as well and wondered what pain she was avoiding. He didn’t press though; there would be plenty of time to find out more.

“What did you think of Lauren?” she asked thoughtfully.

“I think we should set her up with Mark,” he replied. Sorry, Dani, only one woman I’m interested in. 

Dani laughed at that. “I did introduce them one time. He asked if she would walk on his face in her stilettos. She was not impressed.”

Pelle nearly choked on his coffee at that, and Dani laughed at his expression. “That does sound like Mark,” Pelle said when he could breathe again.

Dani looked at her phone for the first time since they’d sat down and exclaimed, “Oh, my god!” The clock across the screen read 1:37 am. She turned the phone to show him, and he raised his eyebrows appreciatively.

“Good thing this is a 24-hour coffee shop,” he said drolly.

She gave him a pained look and said, “I’m supposed to go to an 8am yoga class with Lauren. I can’t believe we’ve stayed out this late!”

He grinned, completely unashamed of the hour. “I can. I’ve been having fun. Have you?”

“Well, yes,” she said with a shy hesitation. “But still, I really should be getting home. Damn! My bus line stopped running at midnight.”

“We could share a cab,” he offered, “my treat. Really, it’s my fault for keeping you out so late.”

She looked doubtful, but she didn’t have a lot of other options. “Okay, let’s go.”

They shrugged into their coats and headed into the street to hail a cab. As they got in, their conversation resumed easily, centering around plans for the next few days. The cab driver was a middle-aged woman with dark hair and olive skin, and she watched the couple in her rear-view mirror with a smile on her face.

Dani’s apartment was first, and as they pulled up to the curb, she turned to Pelle and said, “Thank you so much for coming out with me tonight, Pelle. I had a great time, really.”

“So did I, really,” he responded.

She smiled brightly at him as she opened the door and got out. As she turned to shut it, she said, “Good night, Pelle.”

“Good night, Dani.” The cab driver waited patiently as he watched her walk to the door of her building and disappear inside. He leaned back with a sigh and turned to the driver to give her his address, only to find her twisted in her seat and shaking her head at him.

“You should have walked her to her door and kissed her good night,” the driver scolded.

He laid his head back against the headrest and said, “She’s my friend’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, honey, you have a problem,” the older woman said sympathetically.

“Yeah,” Pelle said, “I do.”

Chapter Text

It had been a week now since the movie. Dani had texted Pelle the next day to tell him she made it to yoga but dog-tired. He wondered what she had told Lauren about their late night. But he hadn’t heard from her since then. His fingers ached to text her, and he checked his phone constantly throughout the day, but nothing more came in from her.

It was mid-day on Friday, and he was sketching in the coffee shop across from his apartment. The snow had turned to ice, and it beat furiously against the windows, coating the world outside in a thin sheet of glass. He was alone in the coffee shop except for the barista. He had an hour before his next class, and he kept refreshing his email in the hopes it would be cancelled.

The bell above the door dinged as another customer walked in. He glanced up and then sat back in surprise. It was Dani. Her cheeks were red from the cold and ice clung to her hair. She was not dressed for the storm. She wore pajama pants and those fur-lined boots American women seemed to love so much. Her parka looked warm enough, but she didn’t appear to have a hat or gloves, and she shivered in the warmth of the shop.

She wiped the moisture from her hair and glanced around at the open tables. Her eyes met Pelle’s, and she froze. “Pelle?”

“Dani. What are you doing out in this weather?” Pelle stood up and gestured for her to take a seat at his table. She came over but didn’t sit.

She laughed, but it was strained. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“I live across the street.” Pelle cocked his head to the side. “You do not.”

Dani smiled uncomfortably. “Yeah… definitely not.”

“Well, get something hot and come join me,” he invited.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to disturb you.” Dani bit her lip nervously.

“Yeah, I’d like it.” Pelle smiled at her encouragingly. Please, he thought.

“Okay, if you’re sure…,” Dani continued to give him an out, but she laid her keys and her phone on the table across from him.

Pelle sat back down and refreshed his email one more time. No cancellation yet. He closed his laptop and pushed it aside to give her his full attention.

She came back with a steaming mug of coffee. He smiled at her as she sat down across from him, but he noticed she kept her coat on.

“Don’t you want to take off your coat?” She had to be getting hot in the heavy parka.

“I can’t,” she said simply, her cheeks reddening from embarrassment. “All I have on under this is a tank top.”

Pelle nodded understanding. Clearly something had happened to make her leave her apartment in a hurry. He slipped off his sweatshirt and handed it to her, leaving him in a light blue t-shirt. “Please, take it. I’ll be warm enough.”

“Oh, I can’t. Thank you, Pelle, but I can’t,” she protested.

“Please, I insist. I’ll be fine and you need it.” He turned his back to her to give her a bit of privacy.

She unzipped her parka, and he couldn’t resist sneaking a peek, ungentlemanly as that was. She hadn’t lied; she was wearing a thin white tank top that left very little to the imagination. He swallowed thickly as she lifted his sweatshirt over her head, exposing her navel, and then drew it down to cover herself.

“You can turn around now.” He turned back to face her, and he smiled at the sight of her in his sweatshirt.

“Better?” he asked. A rough edge had crept into his voice.

“Better. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” They sat in silence for a moment, sipping their drinks.

Dani cast about for a topic of conversation, and she spotted Pelle’s sketchbook. “What were you drawing?”

“The tree outside,” Pelle pointed to a large maple slowly being encased in ice. He opened his sketchbook to the page he was working on and handed it to her.

She handled the sketchbook reverently, her fingers caressing the page. “Oh, wow, Pelle. This is amazing. Are you sure you’re not an art major?”

Pelle laughed, gratified by her admiration. “No, it’s just something I do to relax.”

Dani’s fingers slipped between the pages of the sketchbook, fidgeting with the edges. “I could use some of that,” she said under her breath.

He looked her up and down ostentatiously and raised an eyebrow. “What brought you out in this weather?”

Dani’s face twitched at the question. “Oh, I was just taking a walk. It’s fine. I like to walk.” She tried to wave the question away.

“Two miles? In this?” Pelle looked meaningfully at Dani, at the storm outside, and then back to her.

Dani squirmed a bit in her seat. “I just needed to clear my head.”

“What happened?” Pelle asked softly.

Dani looked away, frowning miserably. “It’s nothing.”

“Dani, you didn’t go for a two mile walk in an ice storm in your pajamas over nothing.”

She turned back to him and said with forced bravado, “Hey, I’m from Minnesota. I’m used to this weather.”

“And I’m from Sweden,” he said in a deadpan voice.

She shook her head. “It’s just my sister. Trust me, you don’t want to hear about it.”

“What happened?” Pelle asked again.

“Seriously, Pelle, it’s a mess. You don’t want to know.”

“Of course I do.”

Dani looked surprised at that. “Why?”

“Because that’s what friends are for.” Pelle leaned forward, pressing his point home. You’re not alone. Please let me in.

Dani seemed taken aback at this. She was clearly not used to this sort of reaction. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Pelle insisted. “What happened?”

Dani sighed and settled back into her chair. “It’s been going on for a long time. Terri, my older sister, has some issues. Mental issues.” She paused for his reaction.

“Mmm-hmm,” he said encouragingly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Well, she left me a scary message this morning. She was upset and talking about hurting herself. I called and called, but she wouldn’t answer. I finally got a hold of our parents, and they got the police to her place. She’s okay, she’s in the hospital. She didn’t try anything, but…” she trailed off, and he could see tears gathering in her eyes.

“Oh, Dani, I’m so sorry.” Instinctively, he took her hands in his. She didn’t take them away.

“Yeah,” she continued, “I couldn’t stay there in my apartment. I had to do something. So, I just put on my boots and started walking. I didn’t even think about the storm.”

“I understand, Dani. I know how important family is.” Pelle’s thumbs stroked the back of her hands gently.

“And she’s my big sister. I mean, she was always the one that was there for me. She was my rock.” A tear overflowed and ran down her cheek. “My first bad breakup, when I didn’t make first chair in orchestra, when I accidentally backed into Dad’s car and smashed the headlight.” She smiled at the memory. “Terri was always there for me. She’d cry with me, or we’d plan revenge. She even took the blame for the headlight.”

She paused, and Pelle smiled at her softly, encouragingly. “And after everything she’s done for me, now she’s the one in trouble, and I can’t do anything for her.” Her tears were flowing freely now.

“She’s bipolar; she got diagnosed a couple of years ago. She’ll stay on her meds for a while, but then she feels better. And she thinks she doesn’t need them. Then she goes off them, and this stuff happens.” She sniffled.

“I just feel so helpless. Especially being here. I wish I could go home for the weekend. Just be there, you know? For both her and my parents. But I can’t afford the flight, even if planes were flying in this weather. And I don’t want to be a burden to my parents.”

“You wouldn’t be a burden, Dani. But I know how it feels to be so far from home, to not be able to be there for the people you love. It’s awful. I’m sorry, Dani, I really am. Is there anything I can do to help?” His chest felt tight, and his heart ached to see her in so much pain.

She sighed. “No, but thank you, just for listening. It’s nice to be able to talk about it.”

“Anytime, Dani, I mean it. You’re not a burden. You’re my friend. You can talk to me whenever you need to.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you, Pelle. You’re a good friend. Christian is lucky to have you.” She paused for a moment and then added, “and so am I.”

She looked down in surprise at their clasped hands. Flustered, she pulled away from him. She glanced outside at the weather and said, “I’d better find a bus. I don’t think I want to walk home in this.”

Pelle leaned back in his chair and grinned at her. “I live across the street, and I don’t want to walk home in this.”

She smiled and chuckled at that. “Why are you out?” she asked, pulling out her phone to check the bus schedule.

“Oh, just routine. On Fridays, I have a couple of hours between classes in the middle of the day. I eat lunch at home, and then I come here for a bit before my next class. Which I’m hoping…” he flipped open his laptop to check his email one more time. “…yes, is cancelled!”

Dani laughed and raised her mug to him, “Skål!”

He looked up in surprise.

She grinned and shrugged. “My dad’s a huge Vikings fan. Minnesota football team. American football,” she clarified.

He raised his mug to her. “Skål.” They touched mugs and each drank in celebration of his cancelled class.

As she set her mug down, she said, “It was nice running into you, Pelle. Thank you. I really mean that.”

“Yes, it was,” he agreed. “Want to run into me again next week?”

Now it was her turn to look surprised. He coughed and said, “I mean, I do this every week, and I would enjoy the company. I could relocate to the Daily Grind on campus, which would be closer to you.”

She smiled, a bit shyly. “I’d like that.” She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and stood up. “I should go if I’m going to catch my bus.”

“Of course,” he said, rising to his feet with her.

“I should give you back your sweatshirt.” She reached for the hem of the shirt, but hesitated, remembering what she was wearing underneath.

“Keep it.” He waved a hand in dismissal.

“Thanks, Pelle. I’ll get it back to you.” She pulled on the heavy parka. “And thank you, again, for everything.” She walked up to him, put her arms around his waist, and hugged him quickly. It was brief; he barely had time to get his arms around her before she was breaking the contact. Her face flushed red, and she rushed out the door, waving goodbye.

He sat down heavily in his chair, still feeling the touch of her body and smelling the lavender in her hair.

Chapter Text

After that, Pelle fell into a new routine. He’d been officially invited to join Lauren and Dani for their Thursday night movie marathons. He made it every week, later because of his class. But he never missed. Lauren did occasionally, and those nights were his favorite.

In addition, Dani started showing up most Fridays at the coffee shop to join him between classes. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they worked, but they always shared one of the coffee shop’s more decadent pastries and debated where it ranked among the rest. He couldn’t wait for her to try Grandma Irma’s pastries.

Rarely did they see each other outside of these times though, and the weeks were long between Friday and Thursday. They would text each other occasionally, but she kept it purely platonic. Grandma Siv would be proud of her; they were friends and nothing more.

He learned more about Dani’s family, how Terri’s mental illness had shown up as a preteen when Dani was still a child. Life in the family started to revolve around Terri, and Dani was very much left to her own devices. Where some children would become staunchly self-sufficient, Dani had become dependent – first on Terri, then on Lauren, and now on Christian. He wanted her to choose him over Christian, but he didn’t want her to just transfer her dependence to him. She deserved more.

It was late on a Tuesday near the American Thanksgiving when his phone rang unexpectedly. He checked the caller id to find it was Dani. She had never called him on the phone before. He answered on the second ring. “Hello?”

“Pelle, it’s Dani.” She was crying but doing her best to hold it together.

“Dani, what’s wrong?” He stood up from his couch, wanting to spring into action immediately.

“It’s Terri. And Christian. But mostly Terri. Are you home? Can I come over?”

“Of course, I’ll text you the address.” She had never been to his place before. They always had movie nights at her apartment.

“Thanks, Pelle, I’ll be right there.” She hung up, and he texted her his address. He tossed his phone down on the futon-now-couch and looked quickly around his apartment. There were a few odd glasses that he took to the kitchen sink, but beyond that it was clean. Much cleaner than Christian and Mark’s, that was for sure. The Hårgan youths all shared living spaces and common areas. They learned at a young age to pick up after themselves.

Pelle paced in front of his window, watching for a small blond figure to come walking up the street. What had happened? Likely another suicide threat from Terri. This would be the third time since he’d met Dani. And Christian? He wondered what had happened there. Would she tell him?

There was a bus stop at the end of his street that he could just barely see from the window. He checked every bus, assuming she would come that way. It had been snowing all day. He hoped she wouldn’t walk here in her pajamas.

No, she got off the next bus, and she was dressed for the weather this time. He went out of his apartment and bounded down the stairs to meet her at the front door.

She looked up in surprise to see him waiting for her. He held the door open for her. Under her winter hat, her eyes were red, and tear tracks ran down her face. As she crossed into the foyer, he held his arms out to her. She walked into his embrace, wrapped her arms around his waist, and wept. He laid his cheek on her head, held her close, and rocked her slowly side to side while she sobbed. No one was out and about in this weather to disturb them, and he could have held her in his arms until Ragnarök.

Her sobs began to slow after a few minutes, and she pulled away enough to look up at him but without leaving his arms. “I’m so sorry, Pelle, I’m a mess. I didn’t mean to break down in your doorway.”

“It’s okay, Dani,” he said, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe tears from her face. “Do you want to come upstairs and talk?”

She nodded, and keeping one arm around her shoulders, he led her to the rickety elevator that would take them to the 4^th floor.

“Yikes,” she said as the elevator lurched into service with a groan.

“Yeah, sorry, my place isn’t the best. But it’s clean, and there’s wine if we need it.”

“Definitely yes,” she said as the elevator dinged and he led her through the open doors to his apartment. He was a bit relieved to see he hadn’t left the door standing wide open. Not that there was much to steal, but he didn’t necessarily want Dani to realize how anxious he was for her to arrive.

She walked into his apartment and looked around, taking in the neat but spartan studio with its nearly bare walls. His laptop lay on the coffee table in front of the futon, and a small table held an even smaller tv.

She turned back to him and said with a trace of humor, “Jeez, Pelle, you need to tell Grandma Irma to send you some stuff from home.”

He laughed. “I think I’d have better luck with my sister, Hanna, but that’s not a bad idea.”

“You have a sister?” she asked, trying for easy friendly conversation, but her voice cracked on the word sister while she shed her coat and hung it up.

He ignored her question in favor of leading her to the couch-futon and pulling her by the hand to sit down next to him. She obeyed, holding his own hand tightly as they settled back. “Dani, what happened?”

“Pelle, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t keep running to you like this. It’s not fair to you.”

“Hey,” he said, grabbing her chin to turn her face towards his, “I already told you that’s what friends are for. Now spill it.” She smiled at that, and the story came out easily enough.

As he had guessed, Terri had sent what Dani called “another scary email”, and she’d spent the afternoon trying to get a hold of anyone in her family. In the middle of the afternoon, when she still hadn’t heard from anyone, she had reached out to Christian for support.

“He dismissed it, as he always does,” she said bitterly. “I mean, he’s right. It turned out to be a false alarm, like always. But what if one of these times it isn’t? And what, am I just supposed to ignore her? Pretend it isn’t happening? I’m sorry, but I’m just not able to do that!” By the end, she had stood up and was walking around the small living area, nearly shouting as she relived the argument.

“Of course not,” he said soothingly, standing up with her. “She’s your family. You love her. You’d never abandon her."

Her shoulders dropped, and the anger drained out of her. “Thank you, Pelle. I knew you’d get it.” She hugged him again. “You’re my rock.”

“Of course. Any time. I mean it.” He tilted her chin up to meet her eyes. “Really. I mean it.”

She smiled up at him, and they stayed that way for a moment, arms wrapped around each other and eyes locked. Finally, she pulled back and said, “What do you say we get drunk and watch movies?”

He laughed. “Let’s do it.”

------

It was late. Dani had indeed had a bit too much to drink, and she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder. He had been dozing off and on for a couple of hours himself, doing his best not to move and disturb her. But she was well asleep now, emitting barely audible snores that he found adorable. He debated for a bit laying down on the futon with her and holding her in his arms all night. But he didn’t know how she would react to that come morning, and he didn’t want to risk going too far.

Very carefully, he eased her head off his shoulder and onto the back of the futon. Thus freed, he was able to pull pillows and his down comforter out from underneath. He arranged one pillow on the futon for her and gently lowered her head onto it. She made a small whimpering noise that tugged at his heart strings but slipped back into a deep sleep immediately after. She had kicked off her shoes hours ago, so he simply pulled her legs up onto the couch and tucked the comforter in around her to keep her warm. He stood for a moment and watched her sleep, so vulnerable and so trusting.

I love her.

The thought came to his mind, and he sighed. He’d known for a while, but he’d been trying to keep the knowledge at bay, convince himself that he was walking the fine line that Siv had asked him to. He reached down and lightly caressed her cheek. A small smile crossed her face. Then, grabbing the other pillow and a scratchy blanket from the dresser, he made his bed on the concrete floor and dreamed of her.

------

Dani woke up the next morning with a headache and a dry mouth. Ugh, I had too much to drink last night. She didn’t want to open her eyes and meet the light yet. Just a few more minutes.

She snuggled back under the blanket, enjoying the cozy warmth. She wondered if Christian was up yet, and what he was doing. She smelled an unusual scent, something like leather and ferns and warm wool. It was coming from the pillow, and she breathed deeply. Not Christian’s normal scent; had he gotten a new cologne? It was comforting and made her feel oddly... happy.

Christian.

She sat up suddenly, remembering. She and Christian had fought over Terri, and she’d come to Pelle for support. They’d had quite a lot of wine, and she must have stayed the night. God, did we…

She looked under the blanket and was relieved to see she was still fully dressed. She looked around for Pelle and found him sleeping chastely on the floor. He looked so young in his sleep, so innocent. His hair fell over his forehead in a way that made her ache to brush it back, but she resisted. The smell was his; she recognized it now. Her rock, she had called him last night. He was definitely that.

She pushed back the comforter and put her feet on the floor. Her cell phone alarm went off, and she jumped. She had class in an hour. The alarm woke Pelle, and he stretched his long arms out wide before opening his eyes and finding Dani awake on the couch.

“Good morning,” he said pleasantly, “how are you feeling?”

“Ugh, my head is pounding and my whole body is stiff.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, sitting up on the concrete. “This floor may look comfortable, but it is not.” He grimaced comically as he rubbed his lower back, and she laughed despite her discomfort.

“I’m so sorry, Pelle. Why didn’t you wake me up? I would have gone home. You didn’t need to sleep on the floor.”

He waved her concern away. “I’m fine, Dani, really. You had a rough day. I just wanted to let you rest.”

He stood up and went to the coffeemaker in the kitchen. “Coffee?”

Dani’s phone dinged then, and her face went pale as she read the message. “It’s Christian. He wants to come over and talk. Can you… please don’t tell him I slept here? I don’t want to upset him.”

Pelle would have liked nothing more than to tell Christian that Dani had spent the night, but he couldn’t put her into a bind. “No, no, of course not. Just between us.”

She already had her shoes on and was moving for her coat. “I really should get back home, Pelle. Thank you again, for everything.”

“Any time,” he said again, giving her a friendly wave as she raced out the door. Back to her apartment, back to Christian. Pelle sighed and started the coffee.

Chapter Text

That evening, Pelle joined Mark and Christian at Josh’s apartment for a study session. In typical fashion, Christian and Mark weren’t studying at all. Rather they smoked weed, tore through two pizzas, and talked about the latest in the never-ending rotation of women in Mark’s life.

“Dude, seriously, you should see her tits. They’re out to here,” Mark held his hands out in front of his chest in pantomime of unnaturally large breasts.

Christian laughed, and Josh rolled his eyes at Pelle. Neither of them had much appreciation for Mark’s constant objectification of women. But Josh wasn’t bothered enough to stop him, and Pelle couldn’t risk losing his offerings for Midsommar.

“Hey, Pelle.” Josh sat up in his chair and turned the book he was reading to show him a page. “Have you ever heard of this? Rolling the wheel? Apparently, it was a rite done during a Midsommar festival in the Middle Ages.”

Josh pointed out the paragraph to Pelle, and he read a brief sketch of an event he’d seen every year since he was born.

“Oh, yes. We still do it in my village. It’s my favorite Midsommar activity.” Pelle said this off-handedly, while under his green sweatshirt his heart sped up, seeing a potential opening.

“Really?” Josh asked excitedly.

“Really,” Pelle confirmed.

“What is it?” Christian asked, not wanting to be left out.

Josh settled back in his armchair, unwilling to enlighten him. Christian turned to Pelle and repeated, “What is it?”

“It’s something we do every year during Midsommar. We make a large wheel of wood, weave ferns and flowers and dry hay through it, and light it on fire. We roll it down a hill to the lake. If it makes it to the water without falling over, it’s a good omen for the next year. The younger men will run alongside it with sticks to help it stay upright. It’s fun, if a little dangerous.”

Christian nodded with an impressed look on his face.

“Dude,” Josh said, “I’d give anything to see something like that for real.”

“You should come then,” Pelle said as if the idea had just come to him.

“Really?” Josh sat up again on the edge of his chair.

“Sure,” said Pelle, “why not? We have visitors every year. You’d be more than welcome. You could stay with us if you wanted and see the whole festival.”

“The whole festival? How much do you do?” Christian asked.

“It’s nine days long. Some of it will seem a bit silly, but it’s traditions.”

“Dude, I would love that,” Josh said sincerely.

“Can I come?” Christian asked.

“Sure,” said Pelle, “Mark too. We have a lot of, um, freedom during Midsommar. Some of the young women would find him attractive.”

Mark pumped his fist in the air. “Bring on the Swedish milkmaids!”

Pelle’s phone chimed with an incoming text. He’d left it sitting on the coffee table next to Christian’s, and Christian picked it up accidentally.

“Ugh, it’s Dani again,” he complained, swiping up to respond. He entered his passcode and entered it again when it didn’t work the first time. After the third try, he said, “What the hell? This isn’t mine.”

“Ah, that’s mine, Christian,” Pelle said softly, reaching his hand out for the phone. He felt the oxygen leave the room as Christian, Mark, and Josh all turned their attention to him.

“And why the hell is Dani texting you?” Apparently, she hadn’t mentioned their weekly coffee date, or that he had started joining them for movie nights. He thought that had to be a good sign.

Pelle shrugged, “We talk once in a while. Nothing special.”

He checked the text quickly. It was an apology from Dani about the night before. Thank the gods Christian hadn’t seen it, or the situation would be even more awkward.

He texted back quickly. Really, Dani, you have nothing to apologize for.

“Let me see,” said Christian, reaching for Pelle’s phone again.

Pelle locked his phone and slipped it back in his pocket. “No,” he said simply, turning back to his sketchbook.

Christian stood up and looked down at Pelle. “Hand it over,” he said ominously.

Pelle stood up, drawing himself up to his full height of 6’3”, two full inches taller than Christian. “Leave it, Christian. She and I are just friends, if that. I’m not after Dani.”

Christian sized up Pelle, considering his odds. Pelle stood his ground. It was risky to antagonize Christian, but it was riskier to let him see his text history with Dani. Uncovering their deception might be enough for Christian to break it off with Dani, but Pelle would lose Christian as an offering and likely Josh and Mark too.

Christian took a step back, making up his mind. “That better be all there is to it,” he said, face and voice dark as he sat back down.

Pelle sat down in his chair and took a deep breath, calming himself. Josh was watching Pelle with a look of mixed warning and support. So maybe he wouldn’t lose Josh, but he still had to tread carefully.

Christian and Mark went back to their game, and slowly the charge left the atmosphere. By that evening, the four were joking and laughing as old friends again, although Pelle still caught the steel in Christian’s eyes whenever they made contact with his own. He hadn’t forgotten, and he’d be watching Pelle now.

Chapter Text

Later that week, he called home to talk to Grandmother Siv. He had sent her the requested birth information a few weeks back, and he still had not heard back from her on their charts or the runes. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait to begin pursuing Dani in earnest. He needed to know what the elders had decided.

“Pelle!” Grandmother Siv exclaimed when Grandfather Sten handed her the phone. “I was just thinking about you. How are our offerings coming?”

“Good!” Pelle replied. “Josh, Christian, and Mark are all planning to come back with me at Midsommar.”

“Wonderful news! Maja will be excited. She’s set her hopes on Christian, and the elders have approved the mating. They are an ideal astrological match.”

“Really?” Pelle was a little irritated at the idea of Christian impregnating one of his sisters. Even though he knew that was the plan, the idea of a Christian’s bloodline mingling with his family’s left a bitter taste in his mouth. Exhale-inhale. Clear the unholy affekts.

Grandmother Siv heard his breathing from the other end of the phone. “I see. And how are things with Dani, my child?”

Pelle sighed heavily. He had briefly debated lying to her about the depth of his feelings, but Siv had seen through him from the first night he told her about Dani. “I love her, Grandmother,” he said simply.

“Pelle, Pelle, lille Pelle, did I not tell you to keep a distance?” Her words scolded him, but her tone soothed him.

“I couldn’t help it, Grandmother,” he said helplessly.

“Well, fortunately for you, you two are also an ideal astrological match. The elders have approved for you to bring her to Midsommar as a potential member of the family. And subsequently, they have rejected you as an offering.”

“Really? They have?” Pelle’s heart soared at the news.

“Yes, Pelle,” Grandmother’s voice was bright with joy. “If she comes, if she stays, if she chooses you, she will be yours.”

Pelle was so overwhelmed with relief that he ignored all the ifs that Siv laid out. “She’ll come, Grandmother, she has to."

“Go slowly, Pelle,” Siv cautioned. “We cannot lose the offerings either. It’s better that she comes attached to Christian. We can unattach them here. If you convince her to break it off with him, you’ll likely only be able to bring one or the other, and you could lose them all. Remember what is at stake, darling. 90 years of our future.”

Pelle sighed. He knew she was right, but his heart ached to call Dani his own. Barely a night went by when he didn’t dream of her. He found it harder and harder to be friends with Christian, to suppress his envy. Perhaps if he could convince Christian to break it off with Dani, he could have them both.

“I understand, Grandmother,” he said, surrendering for the moment.

“I know you do, Pelle,” Siv replied, a slight edge to her voice that said she knew her grandson well enough to know his consent was only temporary.

“I have other news,” she continued, “about Eirunn.”

“Oh really? Was Mats able to find the records?”

“He’s still working on her full genealogy, but Sten remembered the name Eirunn. You remember the story we tell of the Black One, who came to village and caused the children to dance until they died? There’s more to the story than what we tell."

She paused for a moment. “Do you know what a völva is, my child?”

Pelle thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think I do.”

“A völva is a seer and a healer, a practitioner of seiđr.”

“Seiđr?” Pelle said skeptically. Seiđr was a form of magic practiced by the ancient Norse, or so the stories told.

“Yes, my skeptic, seiđr.” Siv went on, “Eirunn was a völva. A particularly talented one. Völva tended to roam from village to village, trading their arts for pay. But when Eirunn came to the Hårga, she fell in love with a young man and stayed.

“It was 1672. Christians had begun to settle near Hårga, and they made it a special goal to convert our pagan ancestors to their ways. Many Hårgans converted, and they looked on the old ways as evil – devil worship they called it. Not just in Hårga, mind you, this was happening all over Sweden. Later they would call it the Great Noise. Records say almost 300 were burned at the stake as witches. Eirunn was one of those.”

“So, Dani was right,” Pelle interjected. “Her ancestor was burned as a witch.”

“Yes, but there is more.” He heard Siv using the Hårgan exhale-inhale, and his stomach dropped. “Eirunn was burned by the Hårgan converts to Christianity, as a demonstration of their new faith. As she was tied to the stake, she cursed the town to be visited by an entity of ancient evil – the Black One. She cursed an entire generation of children to an early death, as retribution for her death… and the death of her unborn child.”

“Gods,” whispered Pelle.

Siv continued, “The Christians were shaken. All of them hid in the church that had been built outside the village. The door was locked, and men kept watch night and day. Those who were still pagan were left outside, sacrifices for the Christians’ sins.” Disdain dripped from her tone.

“Well, nine days later He came. He posed as a member of the pagan remnant, begging to be converted to the new faith. Christians cannot resist a convert, and they let him in. Before he would be baptized, he insisted on playing his fiddle for the town as a thanks for saving his soul. He played, and the children danced. And danced. And danced. They danced through the night as the youngest began to drop dead from exertion. The parents wept, and the children danced, falling one by one until they were all gone.”

She paused for a moment. He heard her sipping something. “Well, when morning came, the children were dead, and the fiddler was gone. The Christians unlocked the doors of their church, fled Hårga, and never returned.”

“What about the pagans?” Pelle asked.

“None were harmed. Their children were safe and sound. After that, the Hårga burned the Christian church to the ground, recommitted to the old ways, and closed themselves to the outside world. We have been atoning ever since.”

“And she was Dani’s ancestor?” Pelle asked incredulously.

“Yes, we believe so. Mats will have it confirmed soon enough. You understand, my child, why we must go carefully? She could be a blessing to us unlike any other. We cannot risk frightening her away.”

Pelle was quiet for several moments as he absorbed Siv’s story. He didn’t know how much he fully believed, although the existence of Eirunn, her death, and Dani’s potential lineage were certainly real enough. He had known from the moment he met her that Dani belonged to Hårga. He never imagined she would be connected to one of their most important and seminal tales.

“I do understand, Grandmother,” and this time, she heard the sincerity in his voice.

“I will help you, lille Pelle,” she reassured him. “I want her to come as much as you do, perhaps more. I will help you. But please be patient.”

He nodded, struck dumb enough that he didn’t register the fact that she couldn’t see him. It didn’t matter; as always, Siv seemed to know.

“Thank you, my dear.”

“Of course, Grandmother. I trust you,” he added.

“Good. Now tell me, how much does she know about us?”

Pelle shook off the chill of the ghost story and addressed the more practical question, “A bit, mostly superficial. Grandmother Irma’s cooking.” Siv laughed at that. Pelle’s appetite, particularly for Grandmother Irma’s pancakes, was well known.

“She knows my parents died when I was young, but not how. I’ve told her about Ingemar and the trouble we used to get into together. She knows I have a sister named Hanna. Dani said I needed to ask her to send me some décor. Apparently, my apartment is a bit bare.” He laughed.

 Siv chuckled and promised, “I’ll tell Hanna. Does she know about me?”

“She does, at least that I have another grandmother named Siv, who usually was the one that caught Ingemar and me.”

“Excellent! I’d like to send her a letter. Don’t worry, Pelle, you’ll be able to read it. I’ll send it you. Give it to her for Yule, as a gift from me. I will tell her the story of Eirunn as a legend of the Hårga and that Mats would be willing to help her with her genealogy if she wishes. It will pique her interest about your homeland and establish a connection between her and I. When she comes, and yes Pelle we will find a way, I would like her to feel comfortable discussing these things with me. Would that be all right with you, darling?”

“Of course, Grandmother. Speaking of Yule can you put Grandfather Sten back on? I have a favor to ask of him as well.”

Chapter Text

About two weeks before Yule, Pelle received a large package from home. The box was too big to get his arms around, and he had to push it into the elevator and down the hall to get it to his apartment.

He pulled out a pocketknife and slit the tape carefully. What he had asked Siv to send was not large enough for such a box. Had she posted heself for a visit?

He flipped open the box, and the first item he saw was an envelope with “Lille Pelle” written on it in his grandmother’s handwriting. It wasn’t sealed. He sat down at his dining table and opened it.

My child,

I have written my letter to Dani and included it within. And Sten has picked out the finest of his creations for her as well. Give them to her with our love. We so look forward to meeting her.

I mentioned to Irma and Hanna that your beloved thought your apartment a bit sparse. They have seen fit to send you some items to warm it up a bit. Irma has also included a box of your favorite cookies. Whether you choose to share them with your friends or not is up to you.

Father Odd sends his love and bids you to call home more often. He has also expressed excitement to meet Dani. I showed him the picture you sent of her, and he says to congratulate you on your sense for people. She truly is beautiful.

All my love,

Grandmother Siv

Pelle smiled as folded the letter up and set it on the table. Irma and Hanna explained the size of the box. Their gifts were never small or few.

He removed the top layer of packing paper to reveal a blue and yellow quilt – one of Hanna’s special talents. He pulled out the quilt and unfolded it reverently. It would have taken weeks of steady work. The center of the quilt held a large pinwheel flower in shades of yellow on a patchwork blue background. Around the edge, more yellow flowers formed a border. The overall impression was of summer and joy. He wondered briefly if Hanna had picked it out for him or for Dani. He laid it on his futon and thought, For Dani. It’s so like her.

Underneath the quilt, he found a blue velvet bag containing his gift from Sten. He opened it and looked it over briefly. It truly was special; he was surprised, and touched, that Sten would part with it. He wondered, not for the first time, what Dani’s chart had told them.

Next to the blue velvet bag lay the promised box of cookies (no he would not be sharing them – well, maybe with Dani) and a section of a tree branch, applewood judging by the bark. He pulled out the branch and considered it for a moment. Why would they send me… and then he realized. Siv had sent him a fruitwood branch to carve a new set of runes. He laughed as he set the branch and the velvet bag on the table.

Turning back to the box, he pulled out the last item - a folded rug. These were also made by his family by hand in Hårga. This one was large, easily 8 x 10 feet and would fill up his living area. It was subtler than the quilt, however, done in a checkerboard pattern of light and dark blues. This one, he thought, Hanna had picked out for him.

He made his futon-bed with the new quilt and spread the rug out beneath his rickety coffee table. It wasn’t home, not by a long shot. But for a moment he could feel them with him – Siv, Irma, Hanna, Odd, Ingemar, and all the rest. For a moment, he was not alone.

------

It was the last movie night before Christmas, and Pelle was walking up the stairs to Dani’s apartment with his wrapped gifts. Dani had texted Pelle that Lauren couldn’t make it tonight, and he thought it the perfect opportunity to give her his presents.

When he got to her apartment door, it was slightly ajar. She’d gotten in the habit of leaving it open after she buzzed him in the front door. It was a lovely reminder of her trust in him. He pushed through the door to see that she had added several festive candles to her kitchen table, coffee table, and just about every available surface. All were lit, and the apartment was full of their diffuse glow. The effect was festive, but romantic as well. Pelle was wondering just what Dani might have planned for tonight when she came up the hallway from the bedroom, a bright smile ready for him.

“Love what you’ve done with the place,” he said, waving at all the candles.

“Thanks!” she said, a bit of color coming to her cheeks. “I thought maybe a little holiday atmosphere would be appropriate.”

Pelle set his gifts on the table, and she asked, “What’s all this?”

“Presents,” he said, stating the obvious.

She laughed, “I can see that. For what?”

“For you. For Yule,” he said, kicking off his shoes and hanging up his coat.

“For me? Pelle, you shouldn’t have!” He could tell from the light shining in his eyes that, despite her protest, she was absolutely delighted.

“Well, technically one of them is from my grandmother.”

She looked up at him and said playfully, “You told your grandmother about me?”

“Yeah,” he said, the word coming out like a sigh. Their eyes locked, and he felt the air thickening between them.

After a moment, she broke the spell saying, “Well, luckily I have one for you too.” She ran back to her bedroom, re-emerging with a package wrapped in blue paper with a yellow bow. Hårgan colors. He smiled as she handed it to him.

“Should I open it now?” he asked.

“Yes! I want to be able to open mine too!” Her excitement was delightful and endearing.

He tore through the blue wrapping paper to the cardboard box within. There was a gold seal imprinted on the outside of the box that he didn’t recognize – a maker’s mark of some sort he thought. He lifted the lid on the box and pushed aside the tissue paper to reveal a handsome leather-bound sketchbook. The pages were large, made of thick, creamy white paper. The leather of the cover was a rich mahogany brown and smooth to the touch. He was impressed, and touched, at her thoughtfulness.

“Dani, this is beautiful.” He tore his eyes from the sketchbook to find her at his side, vibrating with joy from his reaction.

“I knew you’d love it,” she said triumphantly.

He was still marveling over the sketchbook when she announced, “My turn!” and reached for one of the packages.

“Ah!” he said, stopping her and pointing to the larger package. “This one first. This one is from me.”

She grinned up at him and grabbed the package, tearing through the silver wrapping paper he had chosen. He enjoyed watching her, as excited as a child, tear into the cardboard box. She dug through the packing peanuts and pulled out an object enclosed in a blue velvet drawstring bag.

She loosened the strings and pulled out a long wooden fipple flute, like a recorder but with only seven holes instead of eight. The body of the flute was intricately carved with flowers and ferns, and her mouth hung open in shock.

“Pelle...” she started but trailed off as she turned the flute over in her hands.

“My grandfather Sten makes these. They’re called sjølfløyte. He’s a well-known musician in our village. He does all the carving himself.”

Pelle bent down and picked up a small sheet of paper that had fallen out of the bag when she removed the flute. He looked at it carefully. “He says it’s a diatonic flute. I suppose you know what that means.”

He handed her the paper, and she took it saying, “Yes, I do. Pelle,” she laid a hand on the center of his chest and looked into his eyes. “This is so beautiful. I don’t know how to thank you.” She stood on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

He was flustered but managed to stammer out, “You’re welcome. I thought…well, I know you haven’t played in a long time. But I thought maybe music could do for you what drawing does for me.” He shrugged a bit shyly.

“No, Pelle, this is amazing. I will play it, I promise. Tell your grandfather I love it.” She stepped back from him and put the flute to her lips, trying a few notes. Its voice was deep, haunting, and ethereal. It sounded every bit as beautiful as she looked.

Pelle smiled, pleased at his success. “I will. He’ll be happy to hear it. He’s proud of his work.”

“He should be,” she said emphatically, trying various fingerings and working out the notes.

“Do you still want your other gift?” he asked teasingly.

“Oh, yes, I’m sorry!” she apologized automatically, but she placed the flute reverently in its bag and on her kitchen table. She reached for the second, smaller package, and ripped through the paper. Inside the enclosed box, she found a handwritten letter, many pages long, in a firm, slanting script.

She looked up at Pelle in confusion. “Read it,” he said, “It’s from Grandmother Siv. It’s about Eirunn.”

Her eyes lit up, and she took the letter to her couch to read. He walked into the kitchen and called in their delivery order for dinner. He no longer needed to ask; he knew what she liked. Once the order was placed, he opened a bottle of white wine, poured two glasses, and brought them out to the couch.

He sat down next to her as she turned to the last page, setting her glass down on the coffee table in front of her. He sipped his glass as she finished the letter. She looked up at Pelle, and asked, “Did she tell you too?”

He nodded, “Yes, she told me the story, and what she was going to write to you.”

“This is amazing, Pelle. I never imagined…” she trailed off as she began to reread the letter. He sat back, happy to watch her as she read.

When she got to the part about her lineage, she asked him, “Who’s Mats?”

“He’s the lawyer in our village. He has a lot of access to local records that you can’t find online. He’ll be able to find out for sure.”

She finished her second reading, set the letter on the coffee table, and picked up her wine glass. Turning to him, she said, “Thank you so much, Pelle. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this means to me. Thank your grandmother for me too.”

“Of course. She’ll be happy to hear your reaction.”

Dani shuffled through the pages one more time, and then suddenly asked, “Wait? Wasn’t there a third box?”

Pelle got up and grabbed the box from the table. Returning to the couch, he set it in front of Dani, flipped open the lid, and said, “Cookies. From Grandma Irma.”

She grinned and grabbed one, taking a big bite. “Oh my God, Pelle, these are so good!”

He laughed, taking one for himself. “Told you. She’s a legend in the family for a reason.”

“What else did they send you?” she asked through a mouthful of cookie, covering her mouth demurely.

“Ah, well, I mentioned what you said about my apartment, so Hanna and Irma sent me a huge rug and a new quilt for my bed. And Grandma Siv sent me a tree branch.”

“A what?” she asked. “Why would she send you that?”

“To carve a set of runes. It’s her way of scolding me for leaving mine behind in Sweden.” He shrugged.

“Runes?” she asked.

“Runes. They’re letters from an ancient alphabet. People carve them on small wood chips and use them to try to divine the future.” He looked a bit embarrassed.

“I don’t know, Pelle. It sounds kind of fun. Hey, I used to use a Ouija board and tarot cards. It’s no worse than that!”

“Well,” he offered, “she sent me enough wood to carve two sets. I could make one for you and teach you to how to tell fortunes.” He raised his eyebrows at her in mock seriousness.

She laughed but protested. “No, Pelle, you’ve already done so much for me.”

“Please, I’d be happy to,” he said, suddenly wanting very much to carve them a matching set.

“Well, only if you want to.”

“That settles it.” He nodded definitively. Carving matching rune sets out of the same branch was something only done by couples who commit for life. He decided not to mention that to Dani, or Siv.

------

They were on their second movie and bottle of wine when Dani laid her head on Pelle’s shoulder. He glanced down at her, thinking she had fallen asleep. But she was wide awake. Their eyes met, and the breath caught in his throat. Slowly, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She laid her head on his chest and let out a small sigh that lit a fire in his veins.

They stayed like this for a while, Pelle’s heart pounding and his breath coming shallow. He had wanted this for so long, but he didn’t want to move too fast. He forced himself to let her set the pace, determine the boundaries.

As the movie came to an end and the credits began to roll, Dani looked up at Pelle. Their eyes met, and before he could think, his mouth was on hers. He kissed her softly, the barest touch of lips, and pulled back to gauge her reaction. The candlelight flickered across her face, her eyes the deep green of the forest in summer. Her expression didn’t change, but she sighed and shifted her body under his arm to turn towards him and kissed him again.

Time and the outside world ceased to exist for Pelle as they went on for several blissful minutes, passion growing between them as their kisses deepened. Dani climbed on top of him, straddling his lap and cradling his face in her hands as her desire for him took over. Her kiss became aggressive, demanding, breathless with urgency. She whimpered as she struggled to get closer to him and he to her.

He was just trying to decide whether to carry her to the bedroom or make love to her on the couch when she abruptly stopped and sat up straight, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. “Oh my god, Pelle, I am so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he whispered, trying to pull her back for more.

“No, no, Pelle, we can’t do this. I just had way too much to drink. I’m so sorry.” She stood up and walked away from him.

His entire body was on fire for her, and the air of her apartment was cold compared to the burning ember he had just held. He could still feel the heat of her in the palms of his hands, and he curled his fingers to try to retain the sensation.

“No, Dani, I’m sorry,” he said, starting to regain his senses.

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine.” She insisted, running her fingers through her hair in distress. She turned back to him suddenly, struck by a horrific thought.

“Pelle, please promise me you won’t say anything to Christian. Please.”

Stiffly, he rose from the couch and walked up to her, unable to resist pulling her into his embrace. She didn’t fight him but sank into him. “I won’t, Dani, I promise. You’re safe with me.” His voice was husky and dark with desire.

She looked up at him with relief and absolute trust. She knew he would keep his word. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Her lips were red from his kisses, and the magnetic pull of her body was almost too much for him. “Dani, do you want me to go?”

For a moment, he saw on her face a mirror of the longing he felt for her. “No, I don’t. But I think you should. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Do you promise?” he asked, brushing a lock of hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear.

“I promise,” she assured him. “I just need to sleep this off and think a bit.”

He nodded and let go of her reluctantly. She watched him with a look of tenderness as he put on his shoes and coat. He turned back to her one last time before he walked out the door, and she moved to him as if drawn by a magnet. She placed her hands on his chest.

He covered her hands with one of his own and caressed her cheek with the other. She pressed her cheek into his hand. He kissed her softly on her forehead. “Good night, Dani,” he said. He stepped back from her, feeling bereft, and opened the door to go.

“Good night, Pelle,” she whispered, closing the door behind him.

Chapter Text

The next day found Dani with her stomach tied in knots. She was mortified by what she and Pelle had done last night. How could she betray Christian like that? And yet… she couldn’t quite bring herself to regret it.

She had promised Pelle she would call, but she hadn’t yet. What on earth was she going to say? Oops, sorry, can we just go back to being friends? Did she even want to go back to just friends?

She could call Lauren. Lauren would never judge Dani. In fact, Lauren had been Team Pelle for a while now, constantly comparing him to Christian’s lackluster performance as a boyfriend and urging Dani to break up with Christian to get together with Pelle.

For a few minutes, she thought about what that might be like. She did not want to be that girl who would leave her boyfriend for his friend; she didn’t want Pelle to give up his friends for her. But in her heart, she knew he would do it for her and gladly.

She wandered into her bedroom, sat down on her bed, and stared at the bottom drawer of her dresser where she kept Pelle’s sweatshirt. She’d never returned it after that day at the coffee shop. Christian came over that night, and she’d stuffed it in the bottom drawer so he wouldn’t see it. And there it had stayed since.

She opened the drawer and pulled it out, bringing it to her face to inhale its scent. His scent. The smell brought to her mind flashes of last night, and she felt the heat rising in her lower abdomen. Oh, she wanted him all right. Enough to break it off with Christian, though? The man she’d dedicated nearly four years of her life to?

Dani sighed and pulled the sweatshirt on over her head, wishing it was still warm from Pelle’s body. God, I’m such an idiot! she thought to herself. What am I going to do?

There were no classes that day. It was a couple of days before Christmas, and they were on break. She hadn’t gone back to see her family to stay and celebrate with Christian. He was supposed to come over later, and what would she say and do then? She couldn’t pretend nothing had happened.

She glanced at phone again for what seemed like the hundredth time. Nothing from Pelle today either. Of course, he was giving her the space she needed. Part of her wished he would show up at her door, make the decision for her.

She sat down at her desk and booted up her computer. Maybe he sent her a message that way? She hugged her knees to her chest as she waited for everything to load, willing an answer to come.

After a moment, she heard the “ding” of a new message alert. Eagerly she sat up to see who it was from. Not Pelle, though. Not Christian either. It was from her sister.

------

“Dude, you have got to get off the fence with this,” Mark said emphatically.

Pelle, Josh, Christian, and Mark were out for pizza, and as always, the conversation had turned to Christian and Dani’s relationship. Pelle had nearly gone out of his mind today waiting to hear from Dani, but she never called. He didn’t particularly want to see Christian tonight, but he hoped he could find out something, anything, from him.

Christian hadn’t seen Dani yet today, either. He’d had one text message from her – Terri had sent another “scary email.” Pelle wished that Dani would reach out to him instead. If she did, he would not be out eating pizza with his friends while she waited to find out what had happened.

“What if I regret it later, and I can’t get her back?” Christian asked, head on the table and rubbing his neck with his hands.

“You don’t want her back!” Mark protested.

“But I might.”

“Okay, well, then you can bitch to us about how much you regret it for that day, and then we'll remind you again that you've been wanting out of this stupid relationship for, like, a year now. And then you can find a chick who actually likes sex and doesn't drag you through a million hoops every day.” Mark was on a roll now.

Pelle looked up at Mark’s statement. He had no idea what went on between Dani and Christian that way, and frankly, he preferred not to think about it. But the woman he’d held in his arms last night very much liked what they were doing.

“Do you think there is a masochistic part of you that is playing out this particular drama to avoid the work you actually need to be doing?” Josh interjected.

“What work do I need to be doing, Josh, exactly?” Christian asked bitingly.

“Well, I don’t know, your prospectus, maybe? Your PhD...”

“Wow, okay, thanks for the psychoanalysis.” Christian shot back, immediately defensive. “It's not about academics, Josh.”

“I'm just trying to get you focused.”

“Change?” the waitress asked, picking up the pile of cash they had laid on the check.

“That's for you,” Christian responded with a half-smile. The waitress looked over her shoulder and smiled back at him as she walked away.

“See? You could be getting that girl pregnant right now,” Mark said.

“And don't forget about all the Swedish women you can impregnate in June.” Pelle couldn’t resist putting his vote in. Siv would not approve, but after last night, he’d give up just about anything for Dani to be free of Christian.

“Okay, guys,” Christian said, trying to end this line of talk.

“Don't forget about all the Swedish milkmaids.” Mark was encouraging when Christian’s phone rang again. It was Dani.

“That's not her again. Seriously? Oh, my God.” Mark exclaimed.

“She needs a therapist, dude,” Josh added.

“She has a therapist,” Christian responded, coming to her defense.

“Oh, so then she should call her therapist and not you. It's literally abuse. She's abusing you.” Mark went on.

Christian picked up the phone as if to answer it, but instead he sent her to voicemail.

“Yes! That’s what I’m talking about!” Mark cheered.

Dani called twice more in rapid succession, but Christian still didn’t answer, goaded on by Mark.

Shortly after, Pelle’s phone rang. Face up on the table, they could all see it was Dani calling him now.

“What the fuck?” asked Josh.

“Why is she calling you?” Christian asked accusingly.

“Yeah, Pelle, why is she calling you?” Mark echoed.

Pelle gave Christian a hard look and said, “Because you’re not there.”

The others were shocked by Pelle’s response and went silent while he picked up the phone. “Dani?”

Dani’s answered with a wail of grief. She was screaming “no, no, no, no, no” and sobbing hysterically. Her cries were so loud that the others at the table could hear them too.

Pelle and Christian both sat upright. “Dani, what is it? What’s wrong?” Pelle asked, his stomach dropping to the floor.

“Tell her I’m on my way,” Christian said, grabbing his coat and his keys and racing out of the restaurant.

“Dani, Dani, Christian’s on the way. He’s coming over now.” Pelle told her, trying to get through to her between her shrieks.

Mark and Josh said nothing as Pelle grabbed his coat and walked out of the restaurant. It took everything he had not to run to her apartment but to stay there, trying to reach her through the cold touch of the phone.

“Dani, I’m here. It’s okay. What happened, honey, please? Tell me,” he pleaded while he ran his hands roughly through his hair, pacing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant.

“Terri…” Dani got out between sobs.

“Did she…?” he started to ask.

“My parents!” Dani screamed, interrupting him. “They’re gone, Pelle, they’re all gone!”

Jävla, he thought. He got no more details out of her than that other than to know that her family was gone. She had lost them all. She was alone.

“You’re not alone, Dani, you hear me?” He kept reassuring her, reassuring himself. “I’m here, Dani, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

He heard Christian’s voice in the background. “I’m here, babe, hang up the phone. What happened?"

The phone line disconnected, and he was left standing on the sidewalk, alone.

------

Pelle had gone home after Dani had hung up. Or did Christian hang up for her? he wondered. Pelle wouldn’t put it past him. He texted her once to tell her he was here if she needed anything. He wanted to tell her not to worry about last night, that they could figure that out later. But he didn’t dare go into details that Christian might see.

It was going on 10 pm now, and he hadn’t heard back from her. His heart sat bruised in his chest, aching for her and her pain. He needed to be there with her, needed to be there for her. He couldn’t bear sitting in his apartment while she was suffering. Sleep wasn’t even a possibility.

He took a risk and sent Christian a text asking how Dani was doing. He didn’t really expect a response, and he didn’t get one.

“Jävla,” he muttered, jerking his coat off the hook. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. He jogged out into the night and hailed a cab to Dani’s.

------

On the sidewalk outside her second story apartment, Pelle could see Christian’s silhouette in the window, sitting on the small couch. He knew Dani was there with him; he could hear her sobbing through the window.

There was a bench below her apartment, and Pelle sat down on it. He could no longer see inside, but he could still hear her, could still feel her pain. His heart felt like it was breaking in his chest. Tears streaked down his cheeks as heard her sobbing, no one there to comfort her but Christian.

No, he can’t help her, Pelle thought. Christian hated strong emotions; most of the fights Pelle had heard about started because Dani was feeling something that Christian didn’t like or couldn’t handle. Dani needed someone who would grieve with her. She needed Hårga. She needed him.

Pelle picked up his phone then and called the only other number he could think of to help her. Lauren picked up on the first ring. “Pelle? Is everything okay?” Pelle had only ever called Lauren when Dani was in trouble.

“No,” he choked out through tears. “No, it isn’t.”

Chapter Text

It had been over two weeks since Dani’s family died. Pelle wanted to go to the funeral, but Josh and Lauren stopped him. Christian was still pissed that Dani had called Pelle that night, and Pelle’s appearance at the funeral would likely just cause a row that would do nothing but cause Dani more distress. It killed him not to be there for her, but he couldn’t make things worse for her.

She hadn’t come to coffee the last two Fridays. Movie nights had been cancelled indefinitely. She didn’t answer his calls or respond to his texts. Once, in desperation, he showed up at her apartment, but she wasn’t home; or at least, she didn’t answer. Lauren had advised him to give Dani some space, and he knew she was right, though he felt like his heart was bleeding into his chest when he thought of what she was going through.

Pelle knew the pain she felt. Well, he corrected himself, some of the pain she felt. Terri had committed suicide, but she’d killed their parents first, taking them with her in the misguided notion that they’d all be happier on the other side. Maybe, he thought, but look what you did to Dani.

Pelle’s parents had died when he was young, so he knew what that loss felt like. But that had been an accident, not… this. He had been Hårgan, too, so he was never without a family. Dani, American as she was, had no one left but a boyfriend who wanted to break up with her.

And Lauren. Lauren had been a godsend to Pelle these last two weeks. While Dani shut him out, Lauren kept him posted on how she was doing. Not well, of course, but Lauren was there for her. Christian had been too, according to Lauren. Pelle had his doubts about how useful that was, but Lauren insisted that Dani needed him now, and not Pelle. The truth was painful to hear, but that never stopped her from telling it.

It was the third Friday after Christmas, and Pelle was camped out at a table at the Daily Grind. He kept showing up every Friday. He wanted to be here if Dani came. He wanted to be where she could find him. He was drawing absentmindedly in the sketchbook she had given him, a portrait of her drawn from memory. He heard the doorbell ring as someone came in and looked up hopefully.

It was her. Pelle’s heart squeezed in his chest, and it took all he had not to race to her and take her in his arms. He rooted himself to the chair and settled for a friendly wave. She saw him and made her way to the table without waving back.

“Hi, Pelle,” she said in a quiet voice, sitting down across from him, keeping her eyes down and focused on the table.

She looked awful. Pale, drawn, thinner than he remembered. Gods, has she been eating at all? There were dark circles under her eyes, and her nose and eyes were red from crying. He wanted to take her hands, but she kept them firmly in the pocket of her coat, which she kept on.

“Hi, Dani,” he said softly, matching her tone. “It’s good to see you.” He did his best to keep the longing out of his voice, but he wasn’t sure how well he did.

She smiled at him weakly. “It’s good to see you too.” She stole a quick glance at him, made eye contact, and then looked back down at the table. She caught sight of the sketchbook she had given him for Christmas and placed a hand on it lightly. She gave him the tiniest smile, a shared remembrance of a happier day.

“How are you doing?” he asked lamely. The answer was clearly “not good,” but he was at a loss how to begin with her now.

She choked on a sob in reply, sniffed hard, and wiped two tears from cheeks, blinking fast trying to beat back the rest that continued to fall.

“I’m sorry. That was a stupid question,” he said, mentally kicking himself. “I just…” he paused to gather himself and continued, “I’ve just been thinking about you is all. About how you’re doing and if you’re okay.”

She nodded, still composing herself. “I know, Pelle. I know you have and thank you. You’ve always been a good friend to me.”

Alarm bells went off in his head.

“But I can’t see you anymore,” she said in a rush, more tears escaping the corners of her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Pelle. After everything you’ve done for me, I feel like a terrible person for doing this.” Her tears were falling in earnest now, and he handed her a napkin to blow her nose.

“Dani, it’s okay. Just tell me what happened. Is it something I did?” Please, tell me so I can fix it.

She shook her head. “No, it’s not that, Pelle. It’s not you at all. You’re wonderful. It’s Christian,” her voice broke on a sob at his name.

Anger flared in his chest. “Dani, what happened? Did he hurt you?”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just… he’s so jealous, Pelle. He always has been. He thinks you’re trying to steal me from him.” For a moment her eyes met his again, and he felt as transparent as air.

“Anyway, he’s insisting I stop talking to you. And I just… I can’t lose him too, Pelle. On top of my family, I can’t lose him too!” she finished in a near wail.

He moved his chair quickly to her side and took her in his arms. “Shh, shh, it’s okay, Dani, I understand, it’s okay,” he kept repeating over and over while he rocked her and stroked her hair. They had drawn some attention from the other patrons, but he didn’t care.

After a few minutes, she pulled herself together and sat back up, pulling away from him. She met his eyes fully now, and said softly, “I don’t want to lose you either, Pelle. But he’s making me choose. And I can’t. I just can’t go through it all now. I’m so sorry, Pelle, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t. But I’m so lost, and I don’t know what else to do.”

He felt his heart shatter like glass under too much pressure. He understood. Christian was a constant. He’d been a part of her life for nearly four years; she’d only known Pelle a couple of months. Christian might not be perfect, but he was known. Pelle was new, untested. She needed continuity, stability. Christian was offering her that, provided, of course, that she broke off any contact with Pelle.

“I understand, Dani. I don’t like it, but I understand.” Pelle sat back in the chair.

“I’m sure it’s just temporary. He’ll get over it, and then we can be friends again. I’m sure of it.” When he didn’t respond right away, she asked pleadingly, “You’re not mad at me, are you?

What a question, he thought. But no, he wasn’t mad at her. He was furious, but not with her. With Christian. “No, Dani, I’m not mad at you,” he reassured her.

“But you are mad.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Oh, yes,” Pelle answered darkly. “Dani, how could he do this to you? Now, of all times? When you need to be surrounded by friends who love you? How could he do this to you?” he repeated, voice rising as his anger built.

Dani’s eyes opened wide in surprise, and for a moment she saw in his face the legacy of his Viking ancestors. “Pelle, please, don’t be mad. It’s my fault. I’m the one to blame. Please, Pelle, I’m so sorry!”

Pelle let out his breath in a hard exhale, followed by a quick inhale, trying to clear the anger. “Dani, it’s okay,” he said, reaching for her again, but she scooted her chair back.

“Hey,” he said softly, calm returning to his voice. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not mad at you, Dani, and it’s not your fault. None of this is. I promise you, I’m not angry with you. I’m sorry.”

She nodded and glanced back at the door. “I should go,” she said, rising to her feet.

He was losing her. He couldn’t stop it. He had one last chance to say something, anything, that would keep the door open for her, bring her back to him.

“Dani, I’m sorry. I’m not angry with you, and I’ll try not to be angry with Christian, for your sake.” She gave him a half-smile at that, but he could feel her slipping away. “Dani, whatever happens. However long it’s been. I’ll always be here for you. Whatever you need. Anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thank you, Pelle,” she said, taking a step backward. “I’m so sorry. Good-bye.”

He saw the tears spilling over just before she turned on her heel and ran out the door, and out of his life.

Chapter Text

Pelle walked around the next weeks like a ghost, empty and hollow. He was heart-broken over the loss of Dani. Ingemar and Siv had tried to console him, reassure him that there was still time, it could all come out right. But grief pulled him under, so far down he couldn’t see the light.

He still talked with Lauren occasionally. She knew he did it only to keep a line open to Dani. She had tried to encourage him to let her go, move on, but Pelle refused. He couldn’t give up on her so easily, couldn’t face the idea that he would never see again, hear her laugh, touch her face, feel her lips on his.

He dreamed of her at night, but his dreams were now of loss. He dreamed of dying in the fire temple, Dani and Christian watching over his death. He dreamed of Dani, lost in the woods outside of Hårga, and Pelle searching desperately to find her. He dreamed of her, and he thought of her, and he burned for her. And still, she was silent.

Pelle had worried initially that he’d lost Josh, Mark, and Christian as offerings as well. After all, he assumed that if Christian was refusing to let Dani see Pelle, Christian himself would not want anything to do with him anymore either. He underestimated Christian’s competitiveness, though. Rather than shutting Pelle out, Christian seemed to get a perverse joy from dangling Dani in front of his face, like a prize he had won. Pelle’s anger and frustration built, and it took all his will to maintain a friendly demeanor in front of the group.

Josh, though… Josh knew. And understood. Where at first Pelle thought Josh would turn away from him if he pursued Dani, Josh became his best support. Many nights found Pelle in the PhD candidate’s apartment, drinking scotch and lamenting his loss. Josh didn’t care for Dani, didn’t understand her appeal to Christian and Pelle. But he cared about his friends, and he was there for Pelle when he needed it.

They were still all planning on coming to Midsommar. Siv was pleased. She had told him not to lose three men over one woman, and he hadn’t. It had cost him more than he imagined though, and he told Siv he wanted to be reconsidered as an offering that year. She simply told him, “We’ll see, my child,” and changed the subject. He didn’t plan on being deterred though. If he had lost her, then the best he could do was to offer his life to ensure the future prosperity of his family. It would be a good death and transform suffering into loving sacrifice.

------

“Thai food or pizza tonight?” Lauren asked, flipping through the takeout menus on Dani’s fridge.

“I’m not hungry. Get whatever you want.” Dani was thumbing through the pages of a book on her coffee table.

“Honey, you have to eat.” It had been four months since Dani’s family passed, and Lauren was worried about her friend. She’d lost weight, and she was still unnaturally pale with heavy dark circles under her eyes. She was going to therapy regularly, but she wasn’t getting any better. In fact, in some ways she was worse.

“Hey, check this out,” Dani said, ignoring the last comment. “There’s a whole section in here about rune-casting.”

“You’re obsessed.” Dani’s new fixation with Scandinavian völvas was just one more thing for Lauren to worry about. Ever since Christmas, since Pelle had given her that letter from her grandmother, she’d become obsessed with Eirunn and the Norns. She told Lauren that the Norns set the date of a person’s death before they were born. Dani had found the notion comforting; Lauren thought it was creepy.

“Did I ever tell you Pelle was going to make me a set? His grandmother sent him a branch of wood because he’d left his rune set back in Sweden, and he was going to carve matching sets for us out of it,” Dani’s face softened as she remembered the conversation.

“Only about a hundred times,” Lauren answered. “Seriously Dani, you need to eat something. Spring rolls? Pad Thai? Those crispy shrimp wontons?”

“Maybe some spring rolls,” Dani relented.

“Sold.” Lauren went into the kitchen to call in their order.

“You thinking about Pelle again, sweetie?” Lauren asked when she came back into the room.

Dani gave a derisive snort. “Like I ever stopped.”

“Just call him. He still asks about you.” Lauren sat down next to her friend on the couch and brushed the hair back out of her face. “He still cares.”

Dani smiled at that. “So do I. That’s the problem.”

“No, Christian is the problem. Let me break it off with him for you,” Lauren offered. “It’ll be like middle school all over again.”

Dani laughed. “God, wouldn’t that be funny and childish at the same time.”

“You know I’d do it.” Lauren leaned back and drained her glass of wine.

“I know you would. I love that about you,” Dani gave Lauren a sideways hug and turned back to her book.

“Oh, this is interesting. It says…” Dani trailed off, the book dropping down to the coffee table.

“What is it, honey?” Lauren asked as Dani wiped a tear from her cheek.

Dani picked the book back up and started reading out loud. “A person who set out to make a rune set would find a fallen fruitwood branch, make their set of runes, and burn the rest of the branch as an offering to Odin in hopes he would grant the person wisdom. However, in certain areas of what is now Sweden, it became a common practice for married couples to carve matching rune sets from the same branch as a symbol of their love and commitment.”

“Oh, honey,” Lauren said. Dani fell into Lauren’s arms and sobbed.

“Honey, honey, you have to stop doing this to yourself.” Lauren rocked her gently and patted her back.

“Doing what?” Dani snuffled, doing her best to pull herself together again.

“1) Reading about völvas. You’re going to fail your classes if you don’t refocus. 2) Torturing yourself about Pelle. He’d be here in two seconds if you told him you miss him.” Lauren picked up Dani’s phone and handed it to her. “Call him. Text him. Send a damn carrier pigeon for all I care. But get that Swedish meatball over here and get it over with.”

Dani took her phone and looked at it miserably.

“Here, let me help you.” Lauren unlocked Dani’s phone and started typing a message to Pelle.

“No!” Dani shrieked, reaching to get her phone back.

“It’s for your own good!” Lauren told her, evading her grasp.

“Lauren, stop!” Dani said, genuine panic in her voice.

“Oh fine,” Lauren said, handing Dani her phone back. “But seriously, Dani, call him. He misses you. And you miss him.”

------

Dani took Pelle’s sweatshirt out of her bottom drawer. Lauren had left not long ago, and all she could think about was her friend’s reassurance that Pelle still missed her, still cared. She sat on her bed with the sweatshirt in her lap, caressing it tenderly as if he was still inside it. “I miss you too,” she said sadly to it. She slipped it on, wishing it still smelled like him. But she was comforted by its size and softness and wandered back out to the living room.

As she curled up on the couch, she let herself go back to Christmas, as she did so often these days. She’d known very well what she was doing when she filled her apartment with candles that night, feeling reckless and bold. She put her hand to her mouth as she remembered that first kiss, so soft and tentative. And then all the others, decidedly not. She closed her eyes and imagined his lips on hers, his hands on her skin, his scent surrounding her. He had awakened a passion in her that night she had not known before, a fire that burned so hot it had frightened her. Into doing the right thing, her mind scolded, but she shoved the thought down. She had dreamt of his mouth and his hands that night, waking up gasping for breath and aching for his touch.

I love him.

The thought came unbidden as she swiped frustrated tears from her cheeks. No, her rational mind said, you love Christian.

Do I?

She opened her phone and flipped to the last text message she had from Pelle, asking how she was doing and promising to be there for her if she needed anything.

“What if I need you?” she asked the phone, a familiar ache building inside her.

She glanced at the clock. It was well past midnight, but she thought there was a chance he might still be up.

Dani hesitated but typed into her phone. I miss you.

She was about to hit send when a text came in from Christian. Still up, babe?

“Pelle…” She sobbed his name as the tears she’d been fighting to hold back burst out, shame and misery flooding her now.  She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t run to Pelle when Christian was reaching out to her, trying his best to be what she needed. She couldn’t do what she wanted. She had to do what was right.

She looked down at her phone again. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, erasing her message to Pelle and responding to Christian instead.

Chapter Text

Pelle was a nervous wreck. He and Josh were heading to a party at David’s to celebrate the end of the semester. Christian was planning on coming, and he had mentioned that Dani might come too. Pelle hadn’t seen her since she broke it off with him in the coffee shop. He’d heard bits and pieces of how she was doing from Christian and Lauren, but nothing from Dani herself.

Pelle’s bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off. He had gone through everything he owned trying to find just the right thing to wear. Unfortunately, nothing screamed “leave your boyfriend for me,” and he settled for jeans, a t shirt, and a button-down shirt. He paced his living room and watched the clock, waiting for the minutes to tick by.

David lived in the suburbs with his wife and kids, so Pelle and Josh would be taking a cab together. Josh texted to let Pelle know he was almost there, and Pelle dashed down the stairs two at a time to meet him out front.

Josh’s cab pulled up, and Pelle climbed in the backseat. “Hey, Josh. Ready for the party?” he asked eagerly.

Josh gave him a scornful look. “Excited much?"

“Oh, you know, excited to be done with the semester,” Pelle said flippantly.

“Yeah, right,” Josh rolled his eyes. “You’re excited because you think Dani’s going to be there. I’m sorry to tell you, dude, she’s not.”

“What?” Pelle asked, too disappointed to pretend Josh was wrong. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I just talked to Christian. Dani hasn’t gotten out of bed all day. She’s not coming to the party.”

Pelle’s heart sank in his chest, disappointment weighing it down like a rock. And Dani hadn’t gotten out of bed all day? It had been almost five months since she lost her family, and he worried that her grief still seemed as fresh as the first day.

“Yeah, so save the heart eyes for someone else there, bud,” Josh added. His words were cold, but there was a touch of sympathy in his voice.

Pelle’s head dropped back against the head rest. “Yeah,” he said, “I guess.”

“Hey, cheer up,” Josh said optimistically. “Mark will be there, and he’s bringing some new girl he’s into. He said she might bring a friend too.”

“If Mark’s into her, I can guarantee she’s not my type.”

Josh laughed at that. “Touché, my man, touché.”

They lapsed into silence for the remainder of the drive. Sorry, Josh; sorry, Mark. Pelle thought to himself. There’s only one for me.

------

Pelle did his best to enjoy himself at the party, but he was only mildly successful. Mark did bring “some new girl he was into”. It was obvious that she was not as into him, and Pelle got a kick out of watching Mark fail with her repeatedly. Fortunately, she didn’t bring a friend, so Pelle was off the hook there.

They’d been at the party about an hour when Pelle’s Dani-radar started pinging. He was starting to look around for her when she heard a small voice behind him say, “Hi, guys.”

He jumped and whirled around to find Dani behind him, smiling a bit at his reaction, Christian standing to her left. The guys burst into laughter at his reaction, and he vaguely heard Mark say, “Pussy.”

Christian walked away to greet David, and Dani looked up at Pelle and apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” he assured her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” she said bravely. “Fine.” She had once told him that if he ever asked how she was and she said “fine,” that meant she wasn’t fine, but she wasn’t able to talk about it just then. That fit with what he saw in front of him. The dark roots of her hair were now several inches long, and she still looked pale and thin. She wore the barest scrape of mascara, and her clothes looked like she had pulled them out of the laundry hamper 10 minutes before they left.

“I see,” he said, nodding his understanding. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. It’s good to see you again.”

Her eyes lit up. “It’s good to see you too. Pelle, listen, I wanted to…” she started, reaching a hand out to his arm.

“Hey, babe!” She was interrupted by Christian calling for her attention. “Come over here.”

She dropped her hand, gave Pelle a small apologetic shrug, and went obediently to Christian’s side. He wanted to grab her arm, stop her, and ask her what she wanted. He’d thought she’d been about to apologize to him again, which was very like her to do. But clearly Christian was still not comfortable with her and Pelle together, and he was staking his claim.

Pelle turned reluctantly back to the larger conversation, hoping he would get another chance to talk to her later. He settled for watching her covertly out of the corner of his eyes, drinking in the sight of her and the sound of her voice.

Dani had put on a brave face when she first entered the party, but as the night went on, she began to dissociate more and more. Pelle could see her drift in and out, sometimes present, sometimes not. He wanted to draw her out, include her more in the conversation, but he thought it best not to push it in front of Christian. Better to leave her to her own thoughts, dark as they may be, than cause her greater distress by starting a fight with her boyfriend.

------

“Yeah, I'm fucking dreading the summer,” Pelle heard someone say. He’d been watching Dani again and lost the thread of the conversation. “Stuck in a shit-ass hole listening to my stepmom fuck my dad all day,” they continued.

“I'll listen to your stepmom fuck your dad,” Mark chimed in.

David jumped in to change the subject, “Hey, Josh, you still going to Europe?”

Pelle could have kissed him. Christian had been avoiding telling Dani about the trip for months, and it was only two weeks away. Now not only would Christian finally be caught out, but Pelle would also get to watch it happen.

“Yeah, for my thesis. We all are,” Josh replied, gesturing to Christian and Mark.

“Oh, you're all going?” David asked.

“Yeah, they're all coming to visit my home in Hälsingland, Sweden,” Pelle said to David, but he was looking straight at Dani. The topic had snapped her back into the present, and she gave Pelle a questioning look.

“Oh, any occasion, or is it just for fun?” David asked politely.

“Well, I'm doing my research on European midsummer traditions,” Josh said. “These guys are just tagging along,”

“Mr. Pelle's invited us to an authentic hippie midsummer at his yodeling farm,” Mark added helpfully.

“Oh, yeah?” Dani asked Christian directly.

Crossing his arms across his midsection defensively, Christian shrugged and said, “I mean, we were talking about it. We were thinking about it.”

“For when?” Dani asked, skepticism creeping into her voice.

“Uh...” Christian looked to Josh and Pelle for help.

“Mid-June to mid-July.” Josh said, also enjoying watching Christian tap-dance his way through his deceit.

“Yeah, two weeks from now?” Dani asked incredulously, looking from Christian to Pelle back to Christian.

“Yeah,” Pelle confirmed, feeling sorry for her that she had to find out this way and ashamed that he had been enjoying it.

“I mean, that's if we even go,” Christian equivocated. “I'm probably not going to go, but... Yeah, we were talking about it.”

Dani listened to this drivel with a look that alternated between shock and anger. She nodded firmly, biting her lower lip. “Excuse me,” she said politely, turning to walk away from the group.

“You okay?” Christian called out as she headed for the bathroom.

Dani paused for a moment and answered him without looking back. “Mmm-hmm. Fine.”

Chapter Text

“In Stockholm, are there any, like, meatball sex clubs we should hit up before we head north?”

Pelle was looking very much forward to the day when he didn’t have to answer any more of Mark’s inane questions. They were heading to Sweden in a few days, and they were at Christian’s and Mark’s apartment going over final details.

Pelle had had no more luck in getting to talk to Dani, let alone finding a way to get her on the trip. She and Christian had left shortly after the revelation at David’s party, and she avoided Pelle. His frustration at his failure to bring her home was making him irritable. Mark’s constant insistence on getting laid was not helping his mood.

“No, we're going straight north,” he told Mark without looking up from his sketchbook.

“Not straight, straight, though, right? We got to go through Stockholm to get there.”

“No, it's the opposite direction. Stockholm is south of Arlanda.”

“Guys, it's Dani.” Christian stopped their geographic debate with his announcement. “She's coming up.”

Pelle felt his heart skip a beat. He froze, pencil in mid-air.

“Okay,” Mark said, displeased.

“Should we clear all this?” Josh asked, gesturing at the trip materials on the coffee table.

“No, it's fine,” Christian responded, stuffing his fists into his pants pockets. “Um, I invited Dani to come to Sweden, so you guys know.”

Pelle’s world shifted on its axis. He leaned against the back of the couch, setting his sketchbook and his pencil down in his lap.

“She's not actually going to come,” Christian reassured them, “but I invited her just to not make it weird.”

“You invited her to...” Josh trailed off.

“Mmm-hmm.” Christian nodded, nervously shuffling his feet.

“But she's not coming,” Mark said firmly.

“She doesn't want to?” Josh asked, surprised.

“I invited her, and she accepted, but she's not actually coming to Sweden.” Christian said as if that cleared up the confusion.

Pelle’s head was spinning. She was here. She was coming. She wasn’t coming. What was happening? He, Mark, and Josh exchanged confused looks.

“Okay…” Josh said, still trying to make sense of what Christian was saying.

Christian became defensive. “Guys, you know what she's been going through,” he snapped.

“Yeah, no, dude, I just, uh, thought it was...” Mark stammered, looking to Josh for help.

“Yeah, dude, nobody minds,” Josh said diplomatically.

“Thought you were saying something else, that's all,” Mark said, placating his best friend.

“Okay, that's great.” Christian nodded, moved to open the door, and then turned back to the group. “And just so we're clear, you guys told me to invite her, and you all know that she's coming. Agreed?”

“Yep,” Pelle said brightly, his face starting to glow.

Christian opened the door for Dani, and the sunlight entered the room.

“Hey!” Dani said to Christian as he opened the door for her.

“Hey, babe!” He greeted her warmly.

Dani came to stand in front of Christian, and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Hey, guys,” she said with a friendly wave.

“Hey,” Pelle managed. He could hardly breathe. She was here.

“Yo,” Mark said, turning back to his laptop.

“How's it going?” she asked them all.

Mark and Josh exchanged a look while Pelle smiled at Dani. She smiled back at him, a bit shyly, but he saw a light in her eyes that gave him hope.

“We're chilling,” Mark said, giving his best effort, which wasn’t much.

“Nice,” she said, and the conversation died. Awkward silence filled the room.

“So, Sweden,” Josh said with a forced air of friendliness.

“Yeah,” she said.

“You're coming, right?” Pelle asked optimistically. He hoped it sounded as casual as he meant it to, but he felt lightheaded as his heart pounded in his chest.

“I mean, I...,” she looked up at Christian as if double-checking with him, “I guess so, if that's not completely ruining your guys' plans.”

“Oh, no, no,” Josh said.

“No, not at all,” Pelle added. Please come, he prayed silently.

“Christian, can I get you to take a look at this paragraph real quick?” Mark asked, pointing to his laptop.

“Yeah, sure,” Christian turned to Dani. “I'll be back.” She nodded.

Mark and Christian headed back to the bedroom, with Mark remembering his laptop, his supposed pretext for the private conversation, at the very last moment.

Dani sat down in a chair across from Josh and adjacent to where Pelle sat on the couch. Her hands stayed in her pockets, shoulders high around her ears. But the smile she gave him was genuine. “Hey, Pelle.”

“Hi.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and turned to her. Her eyes bore no trace of anger towards him, but there was a wariness there he hadn’t seen before. She had new defenses in place, and pain swam in the background, waiting for the opportunity to swamp them and drown her.

“What were you drawing?” she asked, gesturing the sketchbook she gave him.

“Uh, just the table.” He held it up to show her. Yes, I still have it, still use it, still think of you.

“Oh.” She chuckled. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said. I miss you. “Survived finals, you know. And you?”

“Uh... I didn't quite finish, but they're giving me a break this year,” she shrugged, carefully not referencing the reasons why.

“Oh, God, yes, yes, of course. Sorry. It's, uh...” Pelle was cursing himself internally for being so clumsy with her. This is your chance, he thought to himself. Don’t screw it up.

“How did you like the Anthropology department?” she asked, doing her best to hold up the conversation.

“I like it, yeah,” he nodded. “Not as much as this one maybe, but...” he gestured at Josh, who rolled his eyes at Pelle.

“You're doing psychiatry, right?” he asked.

“Psychology, yeah,” she corrected. “That's how you know I'm nuts,” she said, laughing a bit.

“Yeah, also that funny look in your eye,” Pelle said, trying for clever banter but feeling clumsy and inept with her for the first time. Grief had changed her, and he was lost now as he tried to reestablish the connection between them that had once been so natural.

Josh gave Pelle his best what the fuck look, but Pelle ignored him. He was done pretending for Josh. She was here. She was coming.

“So, you're coming to Hälsingland?” he asked, changing his approach.

“I guess so, yeah,” she said, excited but nervous. “And we'll actually be arriving on my birthday.”

“Well, happy birthday,” Pelle said, sounding surprised when he had known this for months, taking it as a good omen.

“Thank you!” she said, obviously pleased with his response. Pelle’s heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, Christian says you've got this special week planned.” It was more a question than a statement.

Pelle nodded. What could he tell her? “Yeah, it's sort of a crazy nine-day festival my family's doing. Lots of pageantry, special ceremonies, and dressing up.”

“That sounds fun,” Dani said with sincerity.

A blush came unbidden to Pelle’s cheeks. “It'll probably seem very silly. But it's like theater.”

“Yeah, Christian says you're from like a commune, right?”

Of course he did, Pelle thought bitterly. He hated this characterization; he had simply told Dani he was from a small village. “Yeah, we're a small community,” he said. “Here. I'll show you.” He pulled his phone out to show her pictures of the previous Midsommar.

Dani got up and resettled next to him on the couch, close enough that their bodies were nearly touching. Pelle’s heart soared and he fought the urge to put his arm around her, focusing instead on showing her pictures of his sisters in flower crowns and white solstice dresses with blue embroidery.

Josh looked at Pelle and Dani together on the couch, shook his head, and tossed his book on the table. He strode off to the kitchen, presumably for more coffee. Pelle was happy to see him go. It wasn’t exactly privacy with Dani, but it was the best he was likely to get.

“Oh, wow,” she said, leaning closer to look at the pictures. “I see what you mean about the pageantry.”

“Yeah, we make those clothes special for every winter and summer solstice.” Felicity will start working on yours as soon as I tell Siv you’re coming. “I mean, everybody sort of does everything together.”

“That's an interesting symbol,” Dani pointed to a large rune on Maja’s dress.

“Yeah, we're taught the Runic alphabet, so...”

“Whoa, who's that one?” Dani interrupted as he pulled up a picture of Ulla wearing a particularly large flower crown. Her hand landed on his knee as she leaned in closer, and his leg burned where she touched him.

Pelle looked at her with a soft intensity and said, “That’s last year's May Queen.” She was still looking at the picture, and for the first time he wondered, Could that be you, Dani?

“Beautiful,” Dani said, transfixed.

Yes, you are.

“You know, I'm very, very glad you're coming,” he said earnestly. “I think it's very good you're coming.”

“Thank you,” she said, meeting his eyes and smiling at him in gratitude. 

“Also, I...” Careful, Pelle. “I never had the chance to tell you, but I was so very sorry to hear about your loss.”

“Oh,” Dani said, stiffening at the mention of her family and pulling her hand back. He could see the flood of panic rising at the back of her eyes and tried to fix his mistake.

“What happened, I mean, I can't even imagine. I mean I lost my parents, too, so I kind of have some idea.” He was rambling now, realizing he was only making it worse. Jävla, he thought clearly.

“I'm sorry,” she said, tears coming to her eyes.

“No,” he rushed to reassure her. “No, I'm sorry.”

“No, you're fine,” she said, with a sucking breath. “I'm going to just go to the bathroom, thank you.”

He tried to stop her, tried to fix it, but she ran into the small bathroom off the living room, gasping as she closed the door behind her, shutting him out.

------

“That’s wonderful, Pelle!” Siv’s joy was palpable through the phone. “We can’t wait to meet her!”

Pelle smiled, but a bit ruefully. “She’s different, Grandmother. I can’t reach her anymore.”

“Oh, my poor dear, of course she is. You remember how you felt after your parents died, and you are Hårgan. You had the whole family, all the mothers and fathers as your parents even before they passed. Can you imagine what it must be like for Dani, to lose your whole family and to be left so alone?”

Pelle swallowed hard. Even now, nearly 20 years later, he could hardly touch the memory of his parents without pain. And Siv was right. How much worse would Dani feel, without the love of Hårga surrounding her?

“I’m sorry, Pelle, but she doesn’t need you now,” Siv broke to him gently. “She’s beyond that. She needs Hårga. She needs the family.”

Pelle sighed heavily. It wasn’t the Hårgan way, but he wanted to save her. He wanted to be the one who pulled her up from the ashes of her old life and gave her a new one. It was selfish, singular, individual, modern. “I know you’re right.”

“But you don’t like it,” Siv said, chuckling. “Oh, lille Pelle. You’ll see. Bring her to us, your sisters and mothers and grandmothers. We’ll have her shining like the sun again, and she’ll find her way back to you.”

Pelle took heart from Siv. Her intuition was always sound, and he knew his sisters would take Dani in their arms and hearts and help her to heal.

“Grandmother,” he asked, another thought coming to his mind. “Has a new blood ever been May Queen?”

Siv paused, and her answer, when it came, was soft with memories. “Once. A very long time ago.”

Chapter Text

He didn’t see her again until they flew to Sweden. She texted him a couple of times, although only about the trip details, still keeping him at arm’s length. Still, he took heart from her messages. Strictly business was better than silence after all.

The morning of their flight to Sweden, Pelle’s stomach churned with anxiety, filled with fear that something would happen that would keep her from coming. But when he got to the airport, she and Christian were already there. She greeted him warmly, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She had recolored her hair, and it shone like gold in the harsh lights of the airport.

Pelle kept an eye on her throughout the flight. She got up once to race to the plane’s bathroom to have a private panic attack, and he swore to himself that once he had her in Hårga, she’d never go through something like this alone again.

It was four-hour drive from the airport to their first stop, a meadow at the end of a dirt road just outside of the dense forest that ringed Hårga. Dani sat directly behind Pelle in the car, watching the world pass by. He glanced at her for the thousandth time in the rear-view mirror, scarcely able to believe she was here. He had caught her eyes in the mirror once, and the blush that bloomed on her cheeks was like water to a man dying of thirst.

In his darkest moments, when he was asking Siv to reconsider him as an offering, he thought he’d lost her, that this moment would never come. There was still a gulf between them that had to be crossed. And there was still Christian to deal with. But she was here, now, and that was what mattered most. Everything else would follow.

------

Pelle pulled the car off the road, or the dirt track that resembled a road, and put it in park, saying, “Okay. This is the first stop.”

“This is it?” Mark asked as they got out and stretched.

“Not quite,” Pelle said.

They were greeted by other Hårgans around Pelle’s age. Pelle explained, “These are younger people from my village. They are also returning from their trips outside.”

Dani and Christian followed behind Pelle hand in hand while Josh and Mark argued about Mark’s fear of ticks.

Pelle had just started making introductions when they heard a man shout, “PELLE!” followed by a string of Swedish that sounded less than flattering.

Pelle grinned and said, “Just one second,” to his friends before running off to embrace a young man with curly blonde hair.

“You think he knows that guy?” Mark asked. “He sounded mad.”

Pelle called them over and began introductions. “These are my great friends from America. Christian, Dani, Josh, and Mark. Meet my brother, Ingemar. Best friends since we were babies actually,” he added, his voice brimming over with joy.

Dani smiled as Ingemar greeted them. Pelle had told her about his brother what felt like years ago, when they had gone to see the new Aster film together. Better days, she thought to herself. Ingemar was shorter than Pelle, but he radiated warmth and welcome.

“Ingemar, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” Dani said, shaking his hand. “I’ve heard a lot of stories about you.” She gave Pelle a sideways glance with a wry smile that made his heart beat faster.

Ingemar leaned in and said conspiratorially, “If they were told by Pelle, you should come see me later to get the truth.”

Dani laughed at that, and Pelle and Ingemar exchanged looks, Ingemar’s of approval and Pelle’s of pride.

Ingemar waved over another couple. “And say hello to my friends. This is Simon and Connie from London.” Simon was tall and lanky, Connie much shorter. Both had dark curly hair, and they kept their arms around each other’s waist.

Ingemar turned to his friends and said, “Simon, Connie, this is Pelle. And these are all the names I just learned two seconds ago.” They all laughed together at that.

“Perfect timing, by the way,” Ingemar continued. “We just took these five minutes ago.” He produced a small plastic baggie containing dried mushrooms. “Haven’t even started coming up yet.”

“Oh, shit!” Christian said with obvious excitement.

“Do you guys want to take it now or should we settle in first?” Pelle asked.

“Fuck it, let's just take it now, right?” Mark asked the group.

“Yeah. Yeah,” Josh said reaching for the bag.

Dani pulled Christian aside, out of earshot of the rest of the group. “I might have to find my footing first if that's okay.”

“Yeah, of course,” Christian put his hand on her arm. “And, hey, listen, if you're feeling uneasy, you don't have to take them at all,” he continued.

“No. No, no, no,” Dani protested with waving hands. “I just want to feel settled first.”

“Okay. I'll wait,” Christian decided.

“No, no, you go ahead,” she insisted.

“No, I'll wait,” Christian said sweetly, for once accommodating Dani’s needs.

“Please,” she tried again.

“I want us to come up together,” Christian said, taking her hand in his.

“Ready?” Pelle called out. He itched to know what they were saying.

“Guys, I'm going to wait for Dani, so you just go ahead.” Christian waved them on.

“Dude, we can't take them at different times,” Mark complained. “They'll be totally separate trips.” Mark looked to Josh and Pelle to back him up.

“You want to wait for us then?” Christian turned to face Mark and stared at him, waiting for him to fold. Mark stared back. The tension grew thick in the air, and Dani couldn’t stand it.

“You know what, it's fine, it's fine.” Dani said, taking a step between the two friends.

“Babe, no,” Christian shook his head at her. “Don’t feel rushed.”

“I don’t,” she responded. She turned to the others and announced, “I'm ready.”

“Are you sure?” Mark asked, feigning concern.

“Yes, Mark, thank you,” Dani said, exasperation in her voice.

Ingemar came up to her and offered, “They've made mushroom tea, if you prefer against the taste.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll try that, thank you, Ingemar.” Ingemar nodded and went to fetch her a small mug of tea.

“Don't let Mark be the one to pressure you, of all people,” Christian told Dani softly.

“He's not,” Dani reassured him, touching his arm lightly. “It will get complicated otherwise, it's fine.” She smiled at him bravely.

“Are you sure?” Pelle asked. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, thank you,” she replied, turning her smile on him.

“There you go,” Ingemar said, handing her a mug.

“Are you sure about this?” Christian asked one more time.

“Yeah, I'm excited,” she said, warming to the idea. “Are you sure about this?” she asked him in a teasing tone.

“I think it's going to be fun,” Christian replied.

Dani downed her mug of tea while the men ate their mushrooms, and the trip was underway.

------

“What time is it?” Mark asked.

They were well into their trip now, sitting under a tree on a hillside in the meadow. Pelle had palmed his mushrooms to stay clear-headed, but he had tripped enough in the past to know how to give a good approximation of it.

“It's 9:00 p.m.,” Christian answered.

Mark was visibly stricken.  “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean?” Christian asked.

“That can't be right! The sky is blue!” Mark pointed at the sky above, sun shining brightly as midday.

“It's fine, it's Sweden,” Christian said impatiently.

“That's not fine! Why is it like that?” Mark asked in a near shout.

“It's okay, Mark,” Pelle said in a soothing voice. “It's the midnight sun.”

“That feels wrong,” Mark said uneasily, “I don't like that!”

“I promise you, it's okay,” Pelle reassured him. Mark was going to scare himself into a nightmare trip if he continued down this path.

“I'm not okay."

“Oh, fuck, it's a new person,” Christian put his head in his hands.

Mark turned to Pelle. “What? I don't want new people right now."

“No, new people are good, Mark,” Pelle kept his voice pitched low, soothing, disguising his irritation at having to coax Mark through this.

“Hi! Hi!” A Hårgan named Valentin walked by, waving enthusiastically, a flower crown on his head.

“I'm just going to lay down, okay?” Mark's eyes were wild now with fright.

“Yeah, do that,” Pelle encouraged.

Mark laid down momentarily but rose up on his elbows again seconds later. “Everybody else lay down. Guys, do it, it feels so nice. Josh, can you lie down, please?” he pleaded.

Pelle tried again to get Mark to focus on something good. “Can you feel that? The energy. Coming up from the earth. Look! The trees too, they're breathing. Nature just knows instinctively how to stay in harmony. Everything just mechanically doing its part.”

They were all sitting slightly apart from each other, Dani with her back to Pelle and Mark. But she had been listening to their conversation, and she followed Pelle’s instruction, looking up to watch the tree breathing. She looked back to her feet, and they had become grass as they sunk into the earth, merging with the land.

“You guys are like my family. You're like my real, actual family.” Mark was shifting out of fear now.

At the word “family”, however, Dani gasped and sat up straight. Her heart started slamming in her chest, and her breath came in short shallow gasps. She stood up and spun around, looking for an escape.

“Dani?” Christian reached a hand out to her.

“Sorry,” she said breathlessly. “I'm going to go for a walk.” She started off down the hill.

“I can walk, too,” Christian called out, but he didn’t get up.

“No, I'm good,” she waved him off and headed for an outhouse at the edge of the woods.

Pelle watched her go with a sigh. He’d started to become familiar with her new pattern over the last two weeks. When a panic attack struck, she hid out in the nearest bathroom until it passed and she was in control again. She refused help from everyone, convinced that her fears were a burden and that she must face them alone. He wanted to chase after her, but he remembered Siv’s words and stayed rooted to the earth while he watched Ingmar approach her.

------

Dani could hardly breathe. She could feel the exhaust clogging her lungs; there seemed to be no clean air anywhere. She was walking quickly down the hill now, trying to get to the outhouse as fast as she could while still projecting calm to the outside world.

“No, no, no, no. Don't think that. You're fine. It's almost your birthday. You're okay, you're fine. You're fine. Stop it! I'm fine.” She tried to talk herself down, but a group of people sitting at a picnic table looked at her and laughed, and the panic swept over her again.

“Hey, Dani! How are you?” Ingemar had faked his trip as well, and he picked up on Dani’s anxiety immediately as she approached his group.

She jumped at Ingemar’s greeting. He approached slowly, hands at his side, trying to project safety.

“They were laughing at me,” she said in a childlike voice.

“What?” Ingemar asked in surprise. “No, no, no, I'm sure they weren't. They've been laughing.”

Dani looked back at the group skeptically.

“Want to come meet my friends?” Ingemar offered, reaching out a hand.

Dani shook her head firmly and waved him away. “Thank you. I'm sorry, thank you.”

She continued to the outhouse, muttering to herself and slapping the sides of her head. “Stop it! Stop it! You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.”

She reached the outhouse and slammed the door shut behind her, relieved that no one could see her now. It was dark, and she felt overhead for the string to pull to turn on the light. She found it and pulled, and the light popped on.

She gasped. Directly in front of her was a small mirror, and in the reflection, she saw Terri, gas mask taped to her face. Dani whirled around, but there was no one behind her.

When she turned back to the mirror, she saw only her own face. But it was grotesquely swollen on one side, her right eye huge and throbbing. She bolted from the outhouse and straight into the woods.

Chapter Text

Pelle was getting worried. He’d seen Dani go into the outhouse, but he hadn’t seen her come out. He presumed she was still in there, but Mark had continued to vacillate between panic and ease, and Pelle had been distracted several times trying to keep him under control.

He was watching the outhouse when he saw Connie go up to it, knock, and enter. Dani wasn’t in there. Pelle looked around at his other new bloods. They seemed to be well into their trip now, and Mark had settled down. He slipped away and ran down the hill.

Pelle found Ingemar at the picnic table with Simon and a few other Hårgans. “Ingemar, can I talk to you a minute?”

Ingemar excused himself and got up to follow Pelle away from the table where the others couldn’t hear.

“Have you seen Dani recently?” Pelle asked.

“Um, no,” Ingemar said thoughtfully. “I saw her going to the outhouse. I tried to stop her and get her to come sit with us, but she wouldn’t. I didn’t see her come out,” he added.

“Shit,” Pelle said, turning side to side and scanning the landscape.

“How long has she been gone?” Ingemar asked, starting to be concerned.

“Nearly an hour, I think,” Pelle replied.

“Shit,” Ingemar agreed. “She can’t have gone far. Someone must have seen her.”

Pelle heard the outhouse door and turned to see Connie emerge. He looked at the woods behind the outhouse, and a sinking feeling started in the pit of his stomach. Ingemar followed his look and said, “You don’t think she would have gone into the woods, do you?”

Pelle didn’t answer but ran the rest of the way down the hill to the edge of the forest. He found the place where she entered quickly enough; the undergrowth was trampled, and she’d broken a small sapling in her haste. Confirming his worst suspicions, he found a brown tortoiseshell hair clip on the ground. He recognized it as Dani’s, having seen similar ones lying around her apartment.

“Jävla,” Ingemar swore in Swedish, his voice low and serious. After the distance from the nearest city, the woods around Hårga were considered the first line of defense to keep the village secret from outsiders. It was 15 km to the village from this meadow through dense undergrowth, hilly terrain, and hidden ravines. Trails were faint, and generally findable only by Hårgans who knew them; bears and wolves made their home in the dense cover. Hikers who made it out this far from the city had gone missing in these woods, never to be seen or heard from again. And Dani was in them now, tripping hard, in full panic, with no idea where she was going.

Pelle was staring at the woods with a blank look, turning the hair clip over in his hands. Ingemar grabbed his shoulder. “We’ll find her, Pelle. We will. Look, she left a trail a child could follow. Let me tell Evert where we’re going, and we’ll get her back.”

Pelle swallowed hard and nodded. He’d find her alright. He wouldn’t leave these woods until he did.

------

Dani ran for long time, her lungs on fire, until she collapsed under a huge ash tree. She hugged her knees to her chest, pressed her back against the trunk, and tried to slow her breathing.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re fine. Stop it,” she repeated the words like a mantra, trying to win the battle with her panic attack. She was well and truly lost now, with no idea which direction to go. She knew the best plan was to stay put and hope someone would find her, but how? And when? The men were all tripping, and it could be hours before they even realized she was gone.

Dani couldn’t get her anxiety under control. The panic was taking over again, and she felt nothing but terror and darkness coming over her. Black smoke curled around her feet. She fumbled in her pocket for her bottle of Ativan and popped two pills in her mouth.

“Please, Christian, please come find me,” she prayed out loud, and settled in to wait for rescue.

------

Dani didn’t know how long she’d been sitting under the tree with her head on her knees when she heard a twig crack. She snapped to attention, immediately alert for the threat. She looked around wildly but saw nothing.

“Who is it?” she called out, trying to sound confident but with a quaver in her voice. “Who’s out there?”

The sounds of rustling leaves and labored breathing came from behind her now, and she leapt to her feet and took off at a dead run, fleeing from whatever was hunting her.

With no sense of direction, she simply ran, tears streaming down her face, lungs and legs burning with the effort. She couldn’t stop; something was following her and if she stopped…

She dodged around trees, leapt over rocks and fallen logs, holding her arms out to ward off the stinging slaps of saplings and shrubs. She ran until her foot caught in a tree root, and she fell onto her face, skidding to a stop.

She was scrambling to her knees to keep running when a woman emerged from the forest. Dani let out a small cry of alarm, and tried to back away, pushing at the soft dirt with her heels.

The woman said nothing, but held a hand out to Dani. She was fair with brown hair streaked with grey and pale green eye. She was dressed in a robe of blue and red with gold embroidery that looked like something straight out of a Middle Ages play. Her waist was cinched with a brown leather belt hung with bags and charms. In her right hand, she held a staff of what looked like iron. The shaft was done in a spiral motif, and it was crowned by a metal work sculpture of a large tree. Her free hand was extended to Dani in an offer of help.

Dani hesitated. This woman was not dressed like the other Hårgans she had met. But Dani was not in a position to be picky about the help she got. Dani reached to take the woman’s hand, but there was nothing there.

Dani recoiled in fear again, but she saw the blue and red of the woman’s robe disappear into the woods. Frightened to follow, but far more frightened to stay, she cried, “Wait! Don’t leave me! Wait!” And she took off running after the disappearing figure, following flashes of blue and red through the forests of Hårga.

Chapter Text

Pelle and Ingemar had been following Dani’s trail. It was erratic, panicked, and it hurt him to see the evidence of the terror she must be feeling. Ingemar was still confident; he was a good tracker of small game, and Dani had been running scared, leaving signs he could easily find.

“What happened do you think?” Ingemar asked as they took another hairpin turn in Dani’s trail.

Pelle sighed. “I told you about her family back in January.” Ingemar nodded.

“Well, since then, she has panic attacks. Mark said something about all of us being his real family, and it triggered an attack,” he explained.

“Ah,” Ingemar said. “It was nightmares for you, after the fire.”

“Oh, gods,” Pelle groaned. “I had forgotten all about those. They were terrible.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t sleep unless I stayed in your bed with you,” Ingemar added.

Pelle smiled at his brother. “You were always there for me.” He felt a sharp pang at the thought. Ingemar had been selected to be an offering this year. In a few days, his brother would join the Everything. Pelle couldn’t imagine Hårga without him.

“Look at this,” Ingemar pointed to what looked like just a lot of disturbed earth. “She fell here and then was pushing back on the ground with her heels.” Pelle’s stomach sank. What had she run into?

Ingemar followed more signs Pelle couldn’t read. “But she got up and ran straight in this direction. Towards Hårga.”

The men continued to follow Dani’s trail, easier now that she seemed to be running in a straight line. “It’s like she’s following someone or something, leading her straight to the village.” Ingemar said after a bit. “How else would she know where to go? We’re still a good 10km out.”

Pelle shook his head. He had no idea. Her trail till now had been chaotic, with frequent double backs. Now it ran straight as an arrow. “We’ve got to catch up to her, Ingemar. We have to,” Pelle said, “It’s going to get dark soon. We can’t let her be alone out here in the dark.”

Ingemar nodded and clapped Pelle on the shoulder. “Follow me, then,” and he took off at a run following Dani’s trail.

------

Pelle was breathing hard. He was not a runner, and they’d been going at a fast clip for 20 minutes. They stopped briefly to catch their breath. With only the sound of their breathing now, they heard a faint voice from the woods ahead. Pelle turned to run towards the voice, but Ingemar grabbed him, put a finger to his lips, and whispered, “Don’t scare her. She’ll just take off again.”

Pelle took a deep breath and nodded. They approached carefully, walking as quietly as they could through the thicket. They emerged slowly into a small clearing to find Dani sitting on the ground. She was hugging her knees into her chest, head down, rocking back and forth, and repeating, “No, please don’t leave me,” in a voice thick with tears.

Pelle stepped forward slowly, and called, “Dani? Dani, it’s me, it’s Pelle.”

At the sound of his voice, her head snapped up. Her pupils were flared wide – she was still tripping, badly, and terrified. “Christian?” she asked.

“No, Dani, it’s Pelle.” He took one more cautious step forward.

“Pelle!” she shrieked. She jumped to her feet and threw herself at him, slamming into him with such a force that he had to take a step backwards to keep his balance. She clutched him around the waist and buried her face in his chest. “Knew you’d come,” she said, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “My rock.”

Ingemar gave Pelle a teasing grin. Pelle blushed, a smile spreading across his face. He stroked her back and whispered soothingly, “It’s going to be okay, älskling,” using the term of endearment he’d never dared before. “It’s going to be okay.”

She looked up at him with frightened eyes, asking, “Did you see her?”

“See who?”

“Both of her.” Her pupils seemed to go even wider, taking over the green of her iris. Her whisper was intense, frightened, a warning.

Pelle looked at Ingemar and found a mirror of the same confusion he felt. Dani, realizing suddenly that someone else was with them, whipped around, breaking Pelle’s embrace. “Who are you?” she gasped.

“Dani, it’s me. Ingemar. Pelle’s brother. We met earlier.” Ingemar strove for a soft, non-threatening tone. He kept still, only a warm smile on his face.

“Ingemar,” Dani repeated, and then looked up at Pelle. “He’s your Lauren.”

“Yes, älskling, he’s my Lauren,” her reassured her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

Dani turned back to Ingemar then, and she saw fire flare in his eyes. She gasped and fell to the ground, panic and fear rising again.

Ingemar and Pelle both dropped down with her, Pelle to her side and Ingemar in front of her. Ingemar grabbed her shoulders and said forcefully, “Dani, look at me.”

Dani, on her hands and knees now, gasping and struggling for breath, obeyed and locked eyes with Ingemar. “Breathe with me,” he said and started to match her breath. They shared her panic for a few moments. Then Ingemar started, bit by bit, slowing his breathing. Dani, locked in now, followed his lead, slowing her breathing to match his.

Pelle placed a hand on Dani’s back and encouraged her. “That’s it, Dani, that’s good. Breathe with Ingemar.”

It felt like an eternity, but it was only a minute or two before both Dani and Ingemar were breathing normally. Eyes still locked on Ingemar, Dani suddenly sat back on her heels, and her pupils shrank to pinpoints. Ingemar’s eyes opened wider, and he froze as if transfixed by her stare.

Pelle sat back slowly, watching in confusion and wonder. Little had changed in their breathing and posture. But the woods around him were quiet, and his brother and Dani were linked before him in some spell he could not enter.

Just as suddenly as it had all begun, Dani collapsed again. Ingemar sat back heavily as Pelle caught her and pulled her close to him. “Dani? Dani, are you alright?” He shook her gently, trying to wake her up.

Her eyelids fluttered open for a moment. Her pupils had returned to normal. “Pelle, my rock. You found me,” and a blissful smile crossed her face. She fell back into sleep, nestled in his arms, and he couldn’t wake her up again.

------

With Dani positioned carefully on Pelle piggy-back style, legs on either side of his waist and arms draped sleepily around his neck, he and Ingemar worked their way slowly back to the camp.

“What exactly happened back there?” Pelle asked Ingemar, who’d been silent this whole time.

Ingemar didn’t meet his eyes, only looked ahead dreamily. “I don’t know how to describe it. It was… something I’d never experienced before. We were sharing, you know, sharing our feelings with each other, when suddenly she changed. It was still Dani, but… not.” Ingemar ended lamely, shrugging at his inability to put it into words.

“She gave me a vision. I saw her, sorting through branches covered in runes. She found one and pulled it out. It was mine, my whole life. I saw us as kids, and again when we left for our first pilgrimage.” He smiled as he recounted the memories. “She showed me when I first met Connie, and the only time I ever kissed her.”

They walked on for a bit, and then Ingemar continued. “She showed me the rest too. My fate.”

Pelle started at that. “What do you mean? Like, the future?”

“I saw the Norns, brother. Working, cutting branches from the world tree. They acknowledged her.” Ingemar could barely contain his excitement and wonder. “It was like nothing I could describe.”

“Dani, she showed me the next few days,” he continued. “I saw what happens to her and you during the festival. And no, I won’t tell you,” he teased. “I saw the fates of our offerings. And I saw my death in the fire temple. It’s a good death,” Ingemar finally turned to Pelle. “She’s a blessing, my brother.” He clapped Pelle on the shoulder. “To you, and to me, and to our people. I’m at peace now. She’s shown me that I make a good end, and that those I love will be looked after.”

Pelle was stunned. He had never heard of such an experience, let alone had one. He was a bit jealous that it was his brother sharing that with Dani instead of him, but his heart warmed to see the peace that had fallen over Ingemar. She had given Ingemar a great gift, and in so doing brought peace to his own heart.

“Thank you, älskling,” he whispered to her softly. She sighed in her sleep and softly nuzzled his neck. He smiled to Ingemar and to himself, thinking yes, in this moment, he was very much at peace.

------

They were almost back to the meadow when Ingemar stopped Pelle. “What is it?” Pelle asked, confused.

“You told me about the boyfriend, Christian, right?” Ingemar said.

Pelle nodded. “Yeah?”

“You told me he is threatened by you, by your relationship with her. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t see you carrying her out.” Ingemar advised with a shrug.

Pelle sighed. “You’re probably right. So, what do we do then?”

Ingemar thought for a minute. “There’s a clearing not far from here. We could leave her there to sleep it off, and ‘find’ her there when the others realize she is missing.”

Pelle was shaking his head almost immediately, “I’m not leaving her out here alone, Ingemar. I don’t care what Christian thinks.”

“But you care what she thinks,” Ingemar said, gesturing to Dani with his head. “Do you think she wants to start the week with a fight between you and Christian?”

Pelle groaned in frustrated agreement. “Still, though, we can’t leave her alone. What if she wakes up again, panics and runs off?”

“We’ll set a watch. Valentin can keep an eye on her.” Ingemar offered.

“Valentin?” Pelle asked skeptically. Valentin had a huge heart and generous spirit, but Pelle doubted his ability to talk Dani down if she was in a panic.

“Evert, then,” Ingemar said. “Since he hasn’t been on pilgrimage yet, he doesn’t have any offerings to watch over. And he’s good with people.”

Pelle thought for a minute and then nodded his agreement. “I’ll take her to the clearing. You go get Evert. Oh,” Pelle stopped Ingemar before he could leave, “grab Jarl too. I’d like to have him check her over. Just to be sure she’s okay.”

Ingemar nodded and took off for the camp in the meadow. Pelle hitched Dani up higher on his back again and set off for the clearing.

When he reached it, he lowered her gently to the grass and crouched over her for minute, just watching her. She was sleeping so soundly he’d be surprised if she remembered anything when she woke up. He knew it was better if she didn’t; what she showed to Ingemar was something she couldn’t know in advance, couldn’t share with the others. But, gods, he’d give anything for her to remember throwing herself into his arms. He wouldn’t forget it anytime soon.

Pelle waited with her until Evert and Ingemar returned. Evert faded into the trees where he could keep an eye on her without being spotted, and Ingemar coaxed Pelle out of the clearing.

He hated leaving her there, but Ingemar had been right. Christian spotted Pelle immediately when he emerged from the woods, having just realized Dani was missing.

Ingemar ‘found’ her almost immediately, still sleeping heavily. Jarl had found the Ativan in her pocket, deduced she took it along with the mushrooms, and the combined effect was to sedate her into a heavy sleep. She would be fine, he said. Her body just needed to process the drugs while she slept, and she would be good as new after that.

------

Dani woke up to Christian shaking her gently. “Hey,” he said as her eyes opened. She looked around, still hazy with sleep. Josh, Mark, and Pelle all looked down at her, carrying their backpacks.

“How long was I asleep?” she asked, lifting herself onto her elbows.

“We found you here like six hours ago,” Christian explained.

“Did it get dark at all?” She rubbed her face with her hands. She had no idea what time it was, or what day even.

“For a couple of hours, not completely,” Christian answered.

“Is it tomorrow?” she asked inanely.

Christian suppressed a laugh. “I mean, from yesterday's perspective, yeah.”

Dani tried to get her head straight. She didn’t remember anything after she left them under the tree… yesterday she guessed. If that was yesterday, and this was today, then it was her birthday. Shock of shocks, it appeared Christian forgot. And was laughing at her confusion. She frowned at him.

“Come on,” Pelle encouraged, excitement radiating off him in waves.

“Where are we going?” Dani asked, struggling to a sitting position.

Pelle grabbed one of her backpacks while Christian helped her to her feet. Pelle gave her a radiant smile and said, “Home, to Hårga.”

Chapter Text

“Jesus, Pelle, where are you taking us?” Mark whined.

They’d been hiking for several hours through the dense Hårga forest. The narrow trail twisted and turned through the rough terrain, forcing them to walk single file, and they were completely reliant on the Hårgans to find the way.

“Yeah, this is way the hell out there,” Josh added, thankful he was in good enough shape for the trek.

“Almost there,” Pelle said, but to Dani instead of Josh. She seemed to have no memory of her experience in the forest, and she suffered no ill effects from the over-medication. In contrast to the men, she was in good spirits.

The trail widened at last, and the yellow flowers of St. John’s Wort peppered the path with sunshine. Dani bent down and scooped up a bright blossom, lifting it to her nose to inhale the fresh fragrance. Up ahead, a giant yellow gate in the shape of a sun appeared through the trees, and they emerged from the forest into the village of Hårga. Dani walked through the gate, and stopped, smiling in awe as she took in the scene.

“So, this is the place,” Josh said, taking in the scene.

“The tranquil and majestic Hårga,” Pelle said reverently.

The village was in a large open field of grass with several Scandinavian style wooden buildings dotting the landscape. The villagers all wore the white outfits with flower crowns Dani had seen in Pelle’s pictures, and a cow grazed peacefully in the lane.

Three villagers played sjølfløyte at the entrance in a short bright melody that repeated like the ringing of bells. Dani reached for Christian’s hand eagerly, saying “Look, Christian! Sjølfløyte!” But Christian and Josh were standing off to the side appraising the site academically, and she was left reaching for empty air.

Pelle, caught up in her excitement, put a hand on her back as he came to stand next to her. She grinned up at him and for a moment leaned surreptitiously into his side, saying, “They’re just like mine! Well, not as beautiful. Will I get to meet your grandfather? I want to thank him personally.”

“Absolutely,” Pelle said, his heart swelling at her touch and her obvious excitement to see his (and he hoped their) home.

“Pelle, you know all these people?” Christian asked skeptically, and Dani immediately pulled away.

“These are my family!” Pelle said, taking off to greet more Hårgans.

“So, we’re stopping in Waco before going to Pelle’s village?” Mark asked sardonically.

Several villagers came up to the group to take their bags, and a young boy, about 12, handed them frozen strawberries strung on a piece of straw.

Pelle came back with a short, brown-haired woman in tow. “Hey, guys? Meet my sister, Dagny. Born the exact same day as me.”

“Valkommen to Hårga,” Dagny said warmly as Pelle introduced his friends.

“Tack,” Dani said, using the Swedish word for thanks. Dagny gave Pelle a knowing and approving smile, waved to the group, and then wandered off back to the festivities.

“Father Odd!” Pelle shouted, taking off to greet an older man. The men embraced and then stood for a moment, each with a hand on the back of the other’s head, and simply stared into each other’s eyes, smiling.

“Sorry,” Pelle said, remembering himself as the group approached. “These are my friends – Christian, Dani, Josh, Mark.”

Father Odd gave the men a polite hi, but when he saw Dani, he gave her a hug and said, “Welcome home! We are so happy to have you!”

“Oh, thank you!” Dani laughed, surprised but delighted by the greeting.

“Pelle has an immaculate sense for people,” Father Odd said to the group.

“I love what you’re wearing,” Dani told him sincerely.

“My frock? Uh-huh. Yeah, quite girly, no?” Father Odd replied, rotating side to side to show off the skirt of his tunic. “We do these as a tribute in respect of Ymir and because of the nature's hermaphrodite, I think, qualities. Yeah.” He slipped over the unusual English word.

“Wow, I think the Sakhis saints do the same thing in Brajbhoomi?” Josh offered.

Father Odd looked at Josh in confusion. He nodded and continued, “So, we are your hosts. So, whatever you need, just say so and we will accommodate, okay?”

“Thank you very much,” Christian said politely.

“Today is all festivities. The official ceremony begins, and you are welcome!” Father Odd explained. He began walking away, repeating “Welcome, welcome, welcome!” as he went.

“That guy has a very red face,” Mark commented as soon as Odd was out of earshot.

Pelle, Christian, and Dani all gave him a disapproving look, but Josh agreed, “Yeah.”

They continued their way on to a raised platform next to a maypole not far from the sun gate, with Pelle greeting family members and introducing his friends along the way. Dani’s mind was awash with names and the overwhelming feeling of clean cotton, fresh air, warm sunshine, and familial love. It was a balm to her spirits after months of grief-stricken winter. When Pelle caught her eye, she gave him a glowing smile and then looked away as her cheeks reddened.

Other musicians entered the clearing from a nearby field then, and they recognized Evert beating a large drum in a moderate march. As they heard the drumbeat, the Hårgans stopped what they were doing and walked with the musicians to the raised platform. Elders of the family were already seated on the platform, waiting for the people to assemble.

As the villagers approached, an older woman, probably late 50s, who appeared to be some sort of leader, began a welcome speech in Swedish. “Can I take pictures?” Josh asked Pelle.

“Um… discreetly,” Pelle gave his reluctant permission.

He then leaned over to Dani and whispered, “That’s Grandma Siv.” Dani’s eyebrows went up, impressed at the position Pelle’s grandmother appeared to hold in the community.

Another young girl in her teens came by with glasses of a pale-yellow beverage which Dani saw was being handed out to all assembled. She took a glass and thanked the girl.

“Oh, forgive me,” Siv said, switching suddenly to English. “I'm excluding the ones who aren't of Swedish tongue. Welcome to Hårga, and happy midsummer! It has been 90 years since our last great feast, and it will be 90 years before our next. And what poetry that it's now the hottest and brightest summer on record. We already have so much to give back and so, without any further blathering, let's raise our glasses. Let our Nine-Day feast commence!”

“Skål!” the villagers shouted together.

“Now,” continued Siv, “in keeping with tradition: Ylva and Dan will make three trips around the village. If they return with the flame intact, our vintage will be abundant this year! Alternately, if it burns out - that will be an omen of bad luck, and we will know to prepare.”

Two elders rose from their seats on the platform. Siv handed each of them a torch, repeating the same words in Swedish for each. “What is she saying?” Josh asked Pelle quietly.

“This high my fire, no higher, no hotter.” Pelle responded. “That’s how high they are supposed to hold the torches on their run.”

After handing each elder a torch, Siv clapped her hands and stomped a foot hard, shouting in Swedish. Josh looked at Pelle, and he dutifully explained, “She’s telling any spirits to go back to the dead so they don’t interfere.”

Each of the elders were then blind folded and led from the platform to the lane at the edge of the clearing.

“They have to run blind-folded?” Dani asked her group, but no one responded as they watched the elders begin to run, albeit slowly, in a circle around the village, holding their lit torches aloft.

The Hårgans cheered for them both as they felt their way carefully around the buildings ringing the clearing. As they came around back to the platform to complete their first circuit, a rousing cheer went up from the crowd at the sight of both torches still well ablaze.

The second circuit started off well, but Dan banged his right knee on a bench, causing him to stumble. Dani made a move to go help him, but Christian put out an arm to stop her. They were here to observe, not interfere. A collective gasp went up from the crowd when Dan fell, but he got to his feet without the torch going out, and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

Ylva continued to run with a swift agility that belied her age, but Dan, in poorer health, was clearly struggling. Dani’s heart went out to him as he began his third circuit, slowly but without stopping. Ylva disappeared behind the far buildings first, and when she reappeared on the lane, the villagers roared “Skål!” as she crossed the finish with her torch still lit.

The crowd turned back to wait for Dan’s reappearance. When it came, a collective cry went up from the group to see that his torch had gone out. Dan limped across the finish line, already knowing from the family’s reaction that he had failed to keep his torch lit.

Siv took the torches from each elder graciously, offering Dan a pat on the shoulder in comfort, and tossed them into a fire in a large stone circle in the middle of the clearing. One of the many children handed her a bowl of something. Siv drank deep and then tossed the remainder of the liquid into the fire. The family cheered and then began to disperse.

Josh was writing busily in his notebook, Christian trying to peer surreptitiously over his shoulder. Dani touched Pelle lightly on the arm, and he looked down at her. “Will he be okay?” she asked, nodding towards Dan.

“Oh, yes, he’ll be fine, not to worry,” he said, laying his hand over hers.

She looked after the retreating elders curiously and wondered what “bad luck” meant.

Chapter Text

After lunch, Pelle’s and Ingemar’s guests sat together on blankets on the lawn, getting acquainted and enjoying the gorgeous day. Dani was still mesmerized by the beauty and peace of the Hårgan village, refusing to let Josh’s endless questions dampen her spirit. Musicians continued to play in the background during the afternoon, and she wondered privately if she would be allowed to join them at some point. Her sjølfløyte was in her bag, which had disappeared in the care of an anonymous Hårgan when she arrived at the village.

A long string of children, hand in hand, danced by them, laughing brightly. Simon asked Ingemar, “What are they playing?”

“Skin the fool,” Ingemar answered with a wry smile.

“Skin the fool?” Simon asked incredulously. “Precious.”

Pelle saw Dani’s fingers drumming the rhythm of the song on the blanket. He touched her arm to get her attention and said, “You guys should join.”

Dani shook her head and laughed in embarrassment. “Oh, no, I’m too scared.”

As the line of children went by again, a teenage girl with red hair kicked Christian playfully, grinning at him as she danced away. Christian watched her for a moment and then said, “Hey, Pelle, can anybody just join in?"

“You’re an American,” Pelle said ironically, “just jam yourself in there.”

Christian got up and chased after the line of children. All but Pelle and Dani followed. Pelle caught the barest hint of a stricken look cross Dani’s face as Christian left her behind. He scooted over next to her, and said, “Hey, happy birthday,” handing her a folded up piece of paper.

Dani unfolded the page to find a hand drawn portrait of herself wearing a Midsommar flower crown. Two runes were inscribed on the lower right corner. “Oh, my gosh, Pelle,” she said, surprised and touched.

“It’s just something I do for birthdays,” he said with a half shrug. She was looking at the picture with a mix of wistfulness and sadness, and he asked, “Maybe it’s not appropriate?”

“No!” she rushed to reassure him, squeezing his hand quickly and releasing it again. “No, no, no, not at all. Thank you so much,” she smiled at him with genuine gratitude. “It’s beautiful.”

“Anyway, just between us,” he said, a gentle reminder that she was safe with him.

“Yeah, well, Christian forgot anyway,” she said, striving for an unaffected tone, “so this is amazing. Thank you.”

“Oh?” he said, his face clearly displaying his disappointed surprise.

Dani rushed to defend her oblivious boyfriend. “No, no, I forgot to remind him. It’s not his fault, it’s…” She started to blame herself and stopped. She refocused on Pelle and his gift and said again, “This is beautiful. Thank you so much. I’m really touched.”

“You’re welcome, Dani,” he said smiling. They shared a long look as they fell silent, eventually turning back to watch the children and enjoy the beautiful day, together.

------

“What do you think?” Pelle asked, leading the group into the Summer House where they would be sleeping.

“What? Wow!” Josh said excitedly. “It’s like living scripture.”

“Amazing,” Christian added. “It’s like another world.”

Dani walked into the Summer House and was immediately struck by the beauty of the images on the walls. Every surface was covered with painted scenes, some small, some large, but all done in the same medieval style. Ringing the main floor and the second-floor balcony were individual beds, each tidily made. There were no walls, just one huge room with a vaulted ceiling.

The men continued discussing the building while Dani wandered silently, taking in the art on the walls, keeping half an ear open to their conversation. Pelle watched her, trying to gauge her reaction.

“People just sleep here?” Christian asked.

“Yeah, all the younger ones. Until we turn 36, and then we move to the laborer’s house,” Pelle explained.

“Why 36?” Josh asked, clicking his pen and starting to scribble in his notebook.

“Well, we think of life like the seasons,” Pelle explained. He kept trying to catch Dani’s eye to pull her back into the conversation, but she was absorbed in her perusal. “So, you're a child until you're 18, and that's Spring. And then at some point, we all do our Pilgrimage which is between 18 and 36. That's Summer, and then from 36 to 54, we're working age, which is Fall. And then finally from 54 to 72 you become a mentor.”

“What happens at 72?” Josh asked.

Dani turned then to see Pelle’s response. He made eye contact with her, smiled, and in response to Josh’s question, stuck his tongue out to one side and drew a hand across his throat in a humorous caricature of death. Dani chuckled appreciatively and then continued her stroll through the room.

“Not a lot of privacy,” Christian commented.

“Yeah, what do you do when you need to jerk off?” Mark asked with typical crassness. “Especially with all these dicks on the walls. There’s a lot of dicks.”

Dani rolled her eyes and wandered into an alcove near the door. She caught Christian and Pelle talking out of the corner of her eye. Based on Christian’s reaction, she guessed Pelle was reminding him that it was Dani’s birthday.

The wall of the alcove was hung with individual framed pictures, all of various Hårgan women in solstice dresses wearing large flower crowns. “Are these the May Queens?” she called out to Pelle.

“Yeah,” he said, coming to her side, “you’ll actually be here for that.”

“And who are your May Queens?” Josh asked, pen poised in mid-air. Pelle was starting to feel a bit harried by Josh’s questions. Ostensibly, he should be catering to Josh, helping him with his PhD. But he resented every minute his questions pulled him away from Dani.

“Every mid-summer, we have this dance competition, and the winner gets crowned,” Pelle explained.

A Hårgan woman about their age came in and said something to Pelle in Swedish. They all caught something about “Austin Powers” and gave Pelle a questioning look.

The young woman looked Mark up and down ostentatiously, smiled coyly, and turned to go.

“Was that…? You saw that too, right?” Mark turned to Christian for confirmation. “Pelle, who was that?”

“Inga,” Pelle said, with only a hint of reluctance.

“Oh my God, I want to give her a bath,” Mark announced.

“Austin Powers?” Josh asked Pelle teasingly.

He shrugged in embarrassment. “It’s very popular over here.”

Dani was enjoying Pelle’s discomfort when Christian touched her elbow. “Hey, can I pull you outside for a second?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said, following him out of the building.

Christian produced a slice of a yellow cake with a candle in it and started singing happy birthday in an awkward baritone. He was attempting to light the candle at the same time, but the lighter appeared to be out of fuel. Dani thought it was an apt metaphor for their relationship at this point.

Off to their right, a group of Hårgan women were comforting a new baby, singing to it softly. The contrast of warm and loving family against her cool and detached boyfriend was a little too on the nose, she thought.

“Fuck,” Christian said, failing to light the candle again.

“Stop, it’s fine,” she said, just wanting to put an end to this charade.

“What?” he asked defensively. “You didn’t think I forgot, did you?”

The look on her face said she knew very well that he forgot. And further, she knew the cake and the candle and the whole act had been provided by Pelle to give her a happier birthday.

“I’m sorry,” Christian said, “I’m sorry. I got fucked up by the daylight, and I thought it was yesterday.”

Dani shook her head, not even sure what he meant. Did he think it was still yesterday? Did he think her birthday was yesterday? It didn’t matter. He had forgotten. “It’s okay. It’s fine.”

“Happy birthday,” Christian said lamely but apologetically.

“Thank you,” she said. “It’s okay, I’m not upset.”

“You should be,” he told her.

“I should be,” she agreed. Maybe I would be if I was in the least bit surprised, she thought. “It’s fine. Thank you. It’s fine,” she repeated, taking the cake from him.

“Happy birthday, babe,” he said, giving her a glancing kiss on the cheek before heading back into the Summer House to catch up with Josh, leaving her standing outside, alone.

Chapter Text

Ingemar and Pelle walked through the village, their new bloods left in the care of Evert with whom they’d already become familiar. They’d been summoned to the Queen’s House to meet with Grandmother Siv before dinner.

“You know, usually when we get summoned by Grandma Siv, we spend the walk there getting our stories straight,” Ingemar commented with a grin.

Pelle laughed. “Do you remember that time we snuck into the kitchen to eat one of Grandma Irma’s wildberry pies, and Grandma Siv punished us by making us eat pie in front of the whole family until we were sick?”

“Gods, I haven’t eaten a berry pie since!” Ingemar winced. “What do you think she does want to talk to us about?”

Pelle shrugged. “Attestupan.”

“Ah,” Ingemar nodded. “Have you told any of yours about it yet?”

Pelle shook his head. “No, I have no idea how to prepare her for that.”

“Her? You mean them?” Ingemar asked teasingly.

Pelle blushed. “Them, yes.” They walked on for a minute before he continued, “I’m not worried about the men. They’re so detached that they’ll barely be affected. Dani, though… I’m worried about her, Ingemar.”

His brother nodded. “Well, Grandmother will know what to do. She always does,” he added helpfully.

“That’s my hope, too.”

“She says your name wrong,” Ingemar teased.

Pelle blushed at that. “She can call me whatever she wants,” he said with quiet embarrassment as they walked up to the Queen’s house and knocked.

Siv opened the door and said, “Welcome, my dears, welcome! It’s so good to see you both again!” She hugged them and ushered them into the front room of the house.

Neither man had ever been into the back of the Queen’s house before. It was only for the matriarch and the current May Queen. The front room was bare of furniture except for a few straight-backed chairs. The walls were decorated with similar art to the Summer House. They’d been in this room together many times as children, explaining to the current matriarch why whatever it was they did had seemed like a good idea at the time.

Three chairs were set up, one for Siv and two opposite her for Ingemar and Pelle. They all sat down and regarded each other for a moment. Siv broke the awkwardness by saying in a familiar voice, “All right, who’s idea was it this time?”

Pelle and Ingemar traded shocked expressions. Pelle felt suddenly as if he were 10 years old again, waiting for the punishment Siv had spent the afternoon cooking up. After a tense moment, though, she laughed at her own joke and said, “Forgive me, I could not resist!”

Pelle and Ingemar shared a look of relief and laughed with her. The ice thereby broken, the three relaxed into a bit of casual conversation about their travels back home.

“Well, my dears, I would love to stay up with you all night catching up, but Sten, I fear, would have my head. Thus, let us discuss the matter at hand. How to prepare your guests for Attestupan tomorrow.”

She turned to Ingemar first. “Ingemar, I want you to give Simon and Connie as much detail as possible on what will happen. They are sensitive souls, and I can see this will be very troubling for them. Be sure you focus heavily on why we do this. The what will be plain enough. But if they can understand why, the meaning of it, they may be able to look past their modern morality and see it from our perspective. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Grandmother,” Ingmar nodded solemnly.

“Now, lille Pelle,” Siv turned to him. “You will tell Dani and the others nothing.”

Pelle’s mouth hung open in shock. “I’m sorry, Grandmother, but what?”

“Tell her nothing, my child. Her grief is like a wound where the skin has healed over the top but the infection rages underneath. It must be broken open and bled before healing can began. It is a painful process, yes, but a necessary one.”

Broken open? he thought incredulously. This might just break her completely. He gave a quick exhale-inhale and said, “I’m concerned it may be too much for her. She still has panic attacks at the mere mention of family or what happened. Seeing something like this… I don’t know what it will do to her,” he finished.

“I know,” Siv said sympathetically. “Your instinct is to protect her and to be the one she runs to when she’s hurt. But that’s not what she needs, my child.  She needs to bring her hurts to the family, let us help her exorcise her demons, and find strength in all of us, not just one of us.”

“I understand that, but, Grandmother, she is so fragile. I’m afraid that if we don’t prepare her, don’t warn her, it could break her completely.”

“She is stronger than you give her credit for,” Siv chastened.

“And even if she is,” Pelle continued, voice rising as he continued to fight for Dani, “is it fair for us to make that decision for her? Shouldn’t she be the one to decide when she’s ready? Not us?”

Siv sat quietly for a minute, regarding Pelle with a keen eye. If she could not convince him, he would likely just run straight to Dani and tell her everything. Pelle had always had a mind of his own, like herself, and while she admired him for it, at times it could be his downfall.

“My dear, dear, child,” she said softly. “In three days, Dani will see something that she could not even begin to contemplate now, something far more traumatic and heart breaking than Attestupan. There is no more time to wait. We must bleed this hurt out of her, else I do think the fire temple will be the end of her.”

Pelle sat back. He hadn’t thought of it that way. He had been so focused on winning her love and protecting her from every thorn that he hadn’t considered the razor wire she’d be asked to walk through in a few days. “I can’t save her from it, can I?” He didn’t mean Attestupan now.

“No, you cannot. Dani’s path was written in the world tree before she was born. None of us can save her from it. All we can do now is walk beside her and help her the best we can. And pray she is strong enough to endure.”

Pelle wordless, nodded his surrender.

“I’d like your word, Pelle,” Siv pressed.

“You have my word, Grandmother,” he said quietly.

“She’s right, brother,” Ingemar said. “Dani is stronger than you realize. But if she’s going to choose us, choose you, she’ll have to go through something that we can’t prepare her for. And at some point this week, she is going to blame you for it. She has to have some relationships with the family outside of you. Otherwise, none of us will ever see her again.”

Pelle was surprised at Ingemar’s words. His brother, always mischievous, always laughing, rarely spoke so deeply.

“Did he tell you what happened in the forest?” Pelle suddenly asked Siv.

“Yeah,” Ingemar answered for her. “I did. We both agree with you; she belongs here.”

“She could be an unparalleled blessing for us, Pelle,” Siv added. “A völva.”

Pelle shook his head at that. He followed the old beliefs, of course, but völvas? His modern mind couldn’t fathom such a thing could be real.

“You will see, my dear skeptic. You will see,” Siv said confidently.

Chapter Text

That night, as Pelle and his guests were preparing for bed, he replayed the conversation with Siv in his mind. Völvas? Not likely. And had he given in too easily to Siv’s demand not to prepare Dani for what was coming tomorrow? He felt his heart breaking in his chest for her, knowing how badly she would suffer. As if in sympathy, the youngest, still an infant, started crying.

Their bags, taken from them this morning, had been laid out on beds in the Summer House. Dani’s had been placed on the bed between Christian and Pelle, and Pelle privately blessed whoever had made that choice.

Pelle had made sure to find Hanna before bed and arrange for her to meet Dani at breakfast in the morning. Siv was right about one thing; they would be fast friends. And Dani would need all of them to get through this week.

“All right,” he announced to his guests as he climbed into his narrow bed. “Beauty rest. Tomorrow’s a big day.”

“What’s tomorrow?” Josh asked, leaning back on his bed to see Pelle.

“First of the big ceremonies,” Pelle answered vaguely.

Josh gave a Pelle a ‘really that’s all you’re going to say’ look, and Pelle sat back up, making a split second decision.

“Attestupan,” he said seriously. Dani wouldn’t know what it meant, and if one of the others told her, well, it wouldn’t be him doing it. That was enough for him to face Siv again.

“What’s that?” Christian asked.

“Ah, it’s too hard to explain,” Pelle dodged. “You’ll get a better sense of it tomorrow.”

“Wait, seriously?” Josh asked, his academic interest piqued.

“You can’t just tell me now?” Christian interrupted incredulously.

While Christian attempted to look it up on his phone, which had had no signal since they arrived at the meadow the day before, Josh asked excitedly, “Wait, you’re not talking about an actual one?”

“I mean, it’s pretty actual,” Pelle responded, letting Josh’s enthusiasm buoy his spirits. He worried about Dani being able to accept his family and their practices; he did not worry about Josh.

Christian turned to Josh and asked, “Do you know what it is?”

Josh simply smiled at Christian and said nothing, never missing the opportunity to revel in his superior knowledge.

Dani, starting to be unsettled, asked Josh, “Is it scary?”

Josh still just smiled, refusing to answer either of their questions.

“That is so fucking annoying,” Christian said, rubbing his brow.

Dani turned to Pelle then, hoping for more. Pelle wanted to comfort her, give her the explanation she was asking for and he still thought deserved. But he had given his word to Siv. So, he simply said, “It’ll be all right,” and no more.

------

It was dark now; or at least as dark as it got here. Dani woke to the baby crying again. Best birth control ever, she thought, pressing her pillow to her ears to try to drown out the sound. She tried to fall back asleep but quickly gave it up as hopeless so long as the baby was carrying on. She tiptoed out to use the restroom, breathing in the fresh air. While she appreciated the Hårgan notion of family, she wasn’t sure she’d be willing to give up the modern notion of privacy.

She sat down next to the fire burning in the center of the village. Pelle had told her during the day that the fire was never allowed to go out; it was always tended by a member of the family. She thought there was something beautiful about that. She could see a Hårgan she’d met named Ulf nearby, keeping watch but turning his face away from her to give her space to be alone. Maybe there is some privacy here, if you know how to find it, she thought.

Carefully she pulled the picture Pelle had drawn of her out of her pocket. She hadn’t shown it to Christian, of course. He’d accuse her of leading Pelle on and encouraging him. She sighed. Hadn’t she done just that? And then cut him off with barely a word of explanation?

She had missed him so much the last few months. With only Christian and Lauren to lean on, she’d been lonely. Not that they hadn’t helped, of course. Lauren was great, and even Christian had stepped it up for her during this time. But they weren’t Pelle.

For the hundredth time this week, she thought about the night they almost spent together at Christmas. She had never regretted doing the right thing so much. And here now, with him in his homeland, she wanted nothing more than climb into that narrow bed with him and fall asleep in his arms.

But on the other hand, and in the other bed, there was Christian. As a boyfriend, he left a lot to be desired, but they’d been together almost four years. He had been good to her these last few months, even if he had forgotten her birthday. And their anniversary. Okay, so not that good. But could she bring herself to leave him? And not only leave him, but leave him for his friend? The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“Dani?”

She jumped as she heard Pelle’s voice call her name softly, and she quickly stuffed the drawing back in her pocket.

“Pelle, you scared me!” She said in a loud whisper. “What are you doing out here?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, approaching her place by the fire. “I heard you get up, and when you didn’t come back, I was worried. I just came out to check on you. Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” she said quickly, reaching out a hand but not quite touching him. “Stay. Sit with me. I’d like the company.”

He settled in next to her on the ground. “Can’t sleep?”

She shrugged. “The baby keeps waking me up.”

“Me too,” he said with feeling.

Ulf waved to Pelle in greeting. “I’ll watch the fire for a bit, Ulf, if you like. You can take a rest,” Pelle offered.

“Thanks, Pelle, just wake me up when you come back to bed.” Ulf strode off for the Laborer’s House, yawning hugely.

They sat alone in companionable silence for a bit, until Dani plucked up the courage to speak.

“Pelle…” she started, and then stopped, picking at a non-existent spot on her shorts.

“Yeah?” he asked encouragingly.

“I owe you an apology,” she said in a rush to the ground, looking up at him only after the words were out of her mouth.

That surprised him. “For what?”

“For shutting you out,” she said plainly. “You were such a good friend to me, so good to me, and then I just disappeared, after...”

Pelle tried to reassure her, placing a hand lightly on her forearm. “That was Christian’s fault, Dani. Not yours.”

She shrugged. “I mean, yeah, he asked me to do it. But I made the choice. And honestly, at the time, I was willing to do it because it solved a problem for me.”

“What problem?” he asked.

She breathed a heavy sigh, and turning her green eyes fully on him, she said, “You.”

He swallowed hard. He hadn’t expected this at all when he’d followed her out into the night. Prayed for it, dreamed of it, wanted it with all his might, yes, but not expected it. He searched her face for any sign of blame, recrimination, rejection. But he saw only a reflection of his own longing. He took a deep breath and her hand.

“Dani, I still feel the same way about you. That hasn’t changed.”

“So do I,” she said. She looked down at their clasped hands and gave a strained half-laugh. “I can’t be near you without wanting to touch you,” she said in a bewildered whisper, sinking into his side.

“Nor I,” he said, his voice low and husky. He let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her. She laid her head on his shoulder and placed a hand on the center of his chest. She could feel his heart pounding, a twin to her own.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Pelle,” she told him miserably. “I thought I would be fine as long as I stayed away from you. But I missed you so much, and being here with you…” She looked up at him and, slowly and delicately reached up to trace the line of his jaw with her fingertips. “I don’t want to stay away from you anymore.”

“Then don’t,” he said. He dropped his head and kissed her, softly and tenderly. He felt her opening up under him, and they spent a long minute gently exploring each other’s mouths, both asking and answering the same question. Yes, it’s still there.

When they parted, she shook her head sadly. “It’s not fair to you. Or Christian. Or to me,” she added, always thinking of herself last. “Will you give me time, Pelle? Please? To sort this out?”

“Of course,” he assured her, brushing a strand of hair off her forehead. She kissed him one more time and then resettled her head on his shoulder with a sigh.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Pelle got them all up early for breakfast. He and Dani had stayed by the fire, wrapped in each other’s arms and sharing soft secret kisses, for as long as they dared. They got up only to feed the flames. Nothing more than that had happened, but it didn’t need to. His heart was brimming with joy. He knew her feelings for him would be sorely tested over the next few days, but still, he couldn’t ask for a better place to start.

Dani stretched and yawned and rubbed her eyes, and he found it all adorable. Gods, I am hopeless, he thought to himself.

“Is there coffee?” she asked him hopefully.

“Yes, all you can drink in the breakfast hall,” he said, a smile on his face just for her.

“Thank God,” she said meaningfully. Dani had never been good at mornings, and she had called coffee her “lifeblood” in what felt like a past life, when they still met every Friday at the Daily Grind.

The five of them made their way to the breakfast hall and into the swirling chaos. Far from the formal affair that supper had been, breakfast was a free for all buffet that went on for several hours. Grandma Irma ran the kitchen for the family, and her breakfasts were the stuff of legends. Dani made a beeline for the coffee while the men loaded up plates with eggs, bacon, and fresh pastries.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Josh asked when Dani sat down with just her coffee.

“No,” she said, “I can’t eat right when I wake up. It takes me a couple of hours.”

Pelle tossed her a blueberry muffin. “Here, keep it for later. For when your stomach wakes up.”

“Thanks,” she said with a shy smile.

Hanna approached their table then and asked Dani, “May I join you?”

“Of course,” Dani said, sliding down to make room.

“I am Hanna,” she introduced herself.

“I’m Dani.”

“Welcome to Hårga. We are glad you are here.”

Hanna did not acknowledge any of the men, and Mark gave Pelle a disgruntled what the fuck look. Pelle just shrugged and went back to his food.

“Will you join us this morning, Dani?” Hanna asked.

“Um, for what?”

“We pick wildflowers. Backwards, of course,” Hanna told her.

“Of course,” Dani said, as if this were the most natural thing in the world.

“We put them under our pillow tonight, and then we dream of the man we are going to marry.” Hanna winked at her conspiratorially.

“What other rituals do you have around marriage?” Josh asked Pelle, pulling his notebook out again.

“A few, later maybe,” Pelle said, mouth full of eggs and only half paying attention. He didn’t mind explaining their ways to Josh, but he was engrossed in the scene unfolding in front of him. Months ago, when he had first met her, he dreamed of Dani and Hanna picking these bouquets together. In the dream, she had chosen him. And after last night…

Dani looked at Christian and said, “Ooooo… I may have to try this.”

“Go ahead, babe. Have fun,” he said, giving her an encouraging nod.

Dani started to turn back to Hanna, but for a moment her eyes met Pelle’s, and the world around them dropped away. The moment passed, leaving Pelle frozen with his fork in midair as Dani and Hanna got up from the table to leave. Suddenly, Josh’s hand was waving in front of his face, and he jumped.

The men all laughed, and Josh said, “You fall asleep?”

“Must have,” Pelle said, and shook himself visibly. He still didn’t think he believed in völvas, but if anyone could put a spell on him, it was her.

Chapter Text

Dani spent the morning with Hanna and another woman named Karin, picking wildflowers and talking about men. She discovered that while unsanctioned relationships were officially frowned upon within the family, they were a frequent and often overlooked occurrence. There was some speculation that Pelle might “offer for” someone at the festival, but they couldn’t say who. Dani wondered briefly if it could be her, and her cheeks reddened appreciably.

The women all carried their bouquets back to their beds, tied with a purple thread, and tucked them safely under their pillow. They went then to lunch, laughing at their girlishness, and speculating who would dream about Evert, considered by them all to be the most handsome of the available men. Dani wondered who she would dream about with a twinge of guilt.

Lunch was a solemn affair, although Dani did not yet understand why. Dani sat between Christian and her new friend, Karin, playing with the infant Dani had seen the day before.

“Her mother is on Pilgrimage,” Karin explained as Dani cooed at the little one. “Helps her to detach.”

“Okay?” Dani said with a question in her voice.

“The babies are raised here by everyone,” Karin explained.

“Wow,” Dani responded automatically, still enraptured by the baby. “You want this?” she said, handing her a napkin that had fallen to the ground.

Dani was about to ask Karin more when Dan and Ylva, seated at the head of the table, stood and began a haunting and breathy chant in a language she didn’t recognize. It didn’t sound Swedish, older maybe? The rest of the family was still as death as they chanted, all looking straight ahead rather than at the elders. Dani shot Pelle a questioning glance. Is it starting?

Pelle gave her a small nod, understanding her unspoken question.

After the chant was completed, the family stood, raised their glasses, and drank as one. Ylva’s eyes were filled with tears; Dan was stolid. He seemed to be at peace with whatever was coming next. Dani’s stomach dropped a floor in her body.

The elders sat back down in their chairs. These were not the same chairs the rest of the family used. They were larger, painted blue and gold. Eight men dressed in long blue robes and flower crowns approached and, four to a chair, lifted the elders and began to carry them out of village. The rest of the family rose from their seats and followed solemnly. Mark excused himself to go take a nap, but Dani, Christian, Josh, and Pelle all took their place in the silent processional.

“Wait, what are we doing now?” Connie asked, and Ingemar held her and Simon back for a moment to explain out of earshot of the others.

It was a long slow walk, winding up a rocky hillside far above the village. As they neared the top of the hill, the chairs and their bearers continued up to top of a rocky cliff while the rest of the family assembled on a flat gravel plain below. No grass grew where they gathered, just dust and pebbles, and one very large rock that looked like it had sheared off the cliffside.

Dani’s unease grew throughout the silent hike. She had stolen a couple of glances at Pelle, who’s face held nothing but solemnity and, she thought, a bit of fear. For her or for the elders she couldn’t tell.

Looking up to the top of the cliffs, she saw a large protrusion coming out of the face of the rock, poised over the heavy boulder below. An older gentleman at the front of the throng carried a large wooden mallet. She recognized Evert with him. He and three others were wearing green sashes embroidered with gold.

She looked from Christian to Josh to Pelle, seeking explanation and reassurance. Josh and Christian were transfixed, waiting for what would happen, and had no attention to spare for her. Pelle was the only one who would meet her eyes. He gave her an apologetic look, and she looked back to the cliffs in dread.

One of the musicians sounded a single tuneless blast on an old horn. Siv moved to the front of the assembly then, a large leather book in her hands, and began to read aloud to the family, all of whom stared at the cliffs above. They could not see what was happening above them, and Dani wondered briefly what she was missing. Did she even want to know?

“What is that book?” Josh asked quietly.

“The Rubi Radr,” Pelle answered. “Our scripture.”

“Can I read that?”

Pelle shook his head. “You would not be able.”

Christian stared at Pelle and Josh, trying to make out what they were saying. But Dani continued to watch the cliffs above with the rest of the family. Siv finished her reading, turned to the cliffside, and waited with the others.

The silence was pounding in Dani’s ears. Fear turned to panic as they waited solemnly. Every instinct told her something terrible was about to happen, but she stood still, rooted to the ground.

Ylva appeared on the top of the cliff and walked slowly out to the end of the large rock protrusion. Dani watched, breath coming shallower now, as Ylva raised her hands ceremonially to the sky. Moving prayer finished, she looked down to the plain below, surveying her family. Her gaze met Dani’s, and they locked eyes for a long moment. Dani was suddenly hit with a wave of emotion – grief, completion, loss, fear, resignation, and then a decision.

Dani gasped and grabbed Christian’s arm, and a split second later, Ylva fell forward off the face of the cliff and landed on the rock waiting below, dying instantly.

Vaguely in the background, Dani heard Simon and Connie screaming, horrified by what they had just seen. Dani saw Ingemar trying to calm them down, explaining what was happening. But she herself was frozen, shocked out of fear and into numbness. She heard the blood roaring in her ears, affirmation that she herself was still alive.

Christian put his hand on his chest, forcing his breath to come slowly and calmly. She turned back to the cliff to see Dan step out onto the rock protrusion now, watching now from somewhere outside her body. Simon was yelling at him to stop, but he spread his arms out wide and leapt from the cliff.

Dani heard nothing but the sound of Dan’s body breaking, and then a pain-filled moan broke the silence as he came back to himself, badly injured but alive. Christian walked away, unable to watch, as the family began to moan and wail along with Dan. Dani watched Evert and the other green-sashed Hårgans step forward with the wooden mallet. Each dealt a blow to Dan’s head, and it was over.

Josh and Christian flinched with every blow, and even Pelle breathed heavily as he forced himself to watch the death of his elder. When it was done, she felt herself snap back into her own body, and suddenly Connie’s screams were loud in her ears.

“Please, listen to me,” she heard Siv’s voice now, pleading with Simon and Connie. “Let me explain!”

“What? Explain what?” Simon demanded.

“Please, my poor thing,” she continued, reaching for Connie. “Please! What you just saw is a long, long, long observed custom.”

“‘Custom?’ It's fucked!” Simon yelled.

“Yes,” Siv replied, her voice steadier now, soothing and teaching. “Those two who jumped have just reached the end of their Hårga life cycle. And you need to understand it as a great joy for them."

"Joy?" Simon scoffed in disbelief.

“Yes, and when it is my turn, it will be a great joy for me,” Siv insisted. “We view life as a circle, a recycle. The lady who jumped, her name was Ylva, yes? And that baby over there who is not yet born will inherit that name. Instead of getting old and dying in pain and fear and shame, we give our life. As a gesture.”

“A gesture?” Scorn dripped from Simon’s words.

“Before it can spoil.” Siv turned to Dani then and addressed this last to her. “It does no good dying, lashing back at the inevitable. It corrupts the spirit.”

Ingemar interjected then, “I'm so sorry I didn't warn you better.”

“That’s it! We’re leaving!” Simon announced, and grabbing Connie by the wrist, stormed off in the direction of the village.

------

Dani and Christian walked back slowly with the rest of the Hårgans, Pelle and Josh following behind. Pelle shut down Josh’s questions, focusing all his attention on Dani’s back as she stumbled down the path. She hadn’t met his eyes since Ylva mounted the cliffside, and he could only imagine what she was feeling. She was holding herself together for the most part, until they entered the village and began to pass the fire temple. Back in the green of Hårga, she started to break down, sniffing and wiping her eyes, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.

“You feeling okay?” Christian asked inanely.

“I just really need to not be here right now.” She was shaking her hands at her sides, wishing desperately for the numbness to return.

“Yeah,” Christian responded, sympathy in his voice.

She didn’t look at him, or anyone else, just announced, “I'm going go.”

“Just take some time to yourself, okay,” Christian called out as she ran to the shadow of the fire temple and threw up, her body shaking with the force of her crying.

“Jävla,” Pelle whispered under his breath. He had been afraid of this, had told Siv it would happen. He was about to make some excuse to slip off and run to her when he saw Karin, Hanna, and Siv walking into the shadow behind her. She wasn’t alone.

Chapter Text

Pelle hovered near the Summer House, weeding a nearby garden mindlessly, watching and waiting for Dani to return. He heard Josh and Christian arguing, saw them both storm out, but he didn’t care about their spat now. Every cell in his body was attuned to one mission: Dani.

Josh came up to him a short time later asking, “Hey, did Christian come talk to you about his thesis?”

Pelle tore his eyes off the yellow temple. “What?”

“Did Christian come talk to you about his thesis?” Josh repeated forcefully.

“Uh… no,” Pelle answered, still not really hearing the question.

“I told Christian I was doing my thesis on the Hårga. He knew this was my plan. And now he’s trying to pretend like he didn’t know, and just got this ‘sudden inspiration’ to do his here too, so if he comes up to you…”

Pelle had snapped into focus at this and interrupted Josh quickly. “No, wait a minute. I seriously doubt that the elders will approve of anything being written down. They're extremely protective.”

“Okay, so then, I'll just use aliases for everything,” Josh offered. “Problem solved.”

“Then what would be the point?” Pelle argued. “You couldn't even get it peer reviewed. And Christian did already ask me this, by the way, and I told him the same thing I'm telling you now.”

“I thought you said you hadn't talked to him,” Josh accused.

“Ah, fuck,” Pelle said. He fumbled for an explanation, but he was distracted again by Dani marching purposefully into the Summer House. He felt an iron fist grip his insides, and he said what he knew would placate Josh and end this conversation. “Okay, look, I'll ask the elders. Okay?”

“Yep,” Josh said, satisfied.

 “Good,” Pelle said, and then took off at a run towards the Summer House.

“Dani?” he called out as walked in. His face fell when he saw her stuffing her belongings into a bag.

Polite even in crisis, Dani paused in her packing long enough to compose herself and say, “I’m really sorry, Pelle. Thank you for inviting me, but I really have to go.” She turned back to packing, still shaking. “Can someone maybe drive me somewhere?"

“I know I shouldn’t have let you stay for that. I know that looks extreme,” he stammered, at a loss for how to stop her. “But we…”

“I don’t know why I’m here, Pelle!” she shouted, interrupting him, fighting against the waves of her surging emotions. “I don’t know why you invited us! I don’t know! I don’t know why!” she kept repeating over and over as he hurried to her side.

“Okay, okay, okay, it’s fine, it’s okay.” He put his hands on her shoulders and tried to pull her to sit down on the bench beside him. “Dani, please, please sit down.”

She didn’t sit, but she didn’t run. Awash in a mix of emotions, she could do little more than rotate side to side, towards him and away from him. Pelle, her friend. Pelle, her betrayer. Pelle, her rock. Pelle, her deceiver. Fear, panic, grief choked her lungs like exhaust.

“Dani…” he said, more calmly. She sat down next to him, not looking at him, half gasping for air.

Knowing he was about to lose her, that he’d made a grievous mistake by not preparing her, regardless of Siv’s insistence, he prayed to the gods that he could save it, could save her. Please stay, he prayed silently.

“I invited my friends because this is a once in a lifetime thing, and I wanted to share it. Especially with my friends who I knew would appreciate it. Because I am proud of this place,” he tried to explain.

“Okay, okay,” she interrupted, “but I’m not an anthropologist, and I don’t understand any of this…”

“Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know,” he pleaded, “and yet I was the most excited for you to come.” She was still gripped by fear, still refused to look at him.

“Here,” he tried, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small sachet. “Smell this.” He offered it to her.

“What is it?” She eyed the sachet suspiciously.

“It calms you down,” he said, pitching his voice lower, soothing now.

Exasperated by his offer of more drugs, she said, “No, no, I’m fine. I don’t want it.”

He smelled it himself to show it was safe, and asked, “Are you sure?”

“No, no, I really want to go, Pelle. I don’t want it.”

“Okay.” Putting the sachet back in his pocket, he tried again. “I know what you’re going through, Dani…”

She rolled her eyes and asked bitingly, “What? What am I going through?”

“…because I lost my parents too,” he continued.

Dani snapped at that. “What? What? No! Pelle, that is not what I’m talking about!”

“Yes, yes, yes, I know that’s not what you’re talking about…”

“I’m not talking about my family! I’m not talking about my family! I’m not talking about that!” she repeated over and over, talking over him and dissolving again into tears.

“…but I lost my parents when I was a little boy. They burned up in a fire.” Dani sucked in another gasping breath, unable to stop him. He placed a hand on the middle of her back. “My parents, they burned up in a fire, and I became technically an orphan. So, believe me when I tell you I know what it’s like. Because I do. I really, really do.” He paused for a moment, forcing himself to slow down.

“But the difference is I never got the chance to feel lost because I had a family. Here, where everyone embraced me, and swept me up. And I was raised by a community who doesn’t bicker over what’s theirs and what is not theirs. That’s what you were given. But I have always felt held…”

Dani looked at him finally and met his eyes. Suddenly, she saw him. Not just Pelle, her friend, but him down to the core of his being. It was as if scales had fallen from her eyes, and she could see into his own heart. There was fear there and a desperate need to make her understand. But she saw more than that. She saw love, loyalty, and a lifetime of devotion. Not just to his family, but to her as well. Pelle, her rock. Not her betrayer. And, God help her, something more than just a friend.

Caught by the intensity of her look, he swallowed quickly before continuing, “By a family. A real family. Which everyone deserves. And you deserve.” He took her hand, and she covered his with her own.

“Pelle, Christian could walk in…” Dani protested half-heartedly.

“He’s what I’m talking about. He’s my good friend, and I like him, but…. Dani, do you feel held by him? Does he feel like home to you?”

Pelle waited, looking into her eyes as she searched his, whispering his silent prayer over and over again – please stay. He wasn’t sure anymore if he was praying to his gods or just to her.

Dani’s breathing slowed, and she felt the panic subside. Her feelings were raw, chaotic, too tangled up to even name. She was all but crushing Pelle’s hand now, drawing strength from him as he sat there – soothing, waiting, offering.

Dani forced herself to consider his question honestly. Did Christian feel like home to her? She didn’t have a home. Her family was gone, taken from her in an act of madness. The house she grew up in had been emptied and sold. Her apartment was just rented space. And Christian?

He felt like rented space too.

She turned her attention back to the man next to her, the one who was always there for her, never judging her, a man who radiated love. She dropped her head to Pelle’s shoulder and whispered, “No,” barely loud enough for him to hear. His eyes closed in relief and gratitude. His hand moved from her back, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

After a moment, she reached out her free hand and said, “Give me that stupid thing.”

He smiled and pulled the sachet from his pocket, placing it gently in her hand. She brought it to her nose and breathed in slowly. Lavender for sure. Maybe chamomile, lemongrass, something a bit spicy? Hopefully no more hallucinogens. She didn’t know anything about herbs outside of tea, but she felt began to feel calmer as she breathed it in. Was it the sachet? Or was it him? Was this what home was supposed to feel like?

They don’t jump from cliffs at home.

She sat up then and asked, “But why didn’t you tell me what was going to happen today?”

He sighed, and said, “I’m so sorry, Dani. I was wrong not to warn you. One of the elders forbade it. They thought it was better if you didn’t know in advance. I knew it was wrong, but I listened to them anyway. I’m so sorry, Dani. I was wrong,” he repeated. “Can you forgive me?”

She was silent for a moment as she thought. She wasn’t quite ready to call Pelle’s family a cult… yet. It had only been a day after all. But she had studied extreme religious groups, and the Hårga definitely fit that description. If Pelle had been raised to always obey his elders, had perhaps been punished harshly if he hadn’t, it would have been very hard for him to defy a direct order. And this was clearly one of their most important rituals. They’d naturally feel protective of it.

She nodded and said softly, “I forgive you.” And then added, “Thank you.”

He kissed her hand in gratitude, and she sank back into his chest. He wrapped his arm around her again, and they stayed that way for long minutes, Dani breathing in the scent of lavender and him.

She could feel his heart beating in his chest, and the pull of his body was starting to outweigh her caution. She stood up, breaking the contact before she did something she shouldn’t.

 “I’m going to go find Connie,” she said, giving an excuse to step away, but abandoning her plan to leave. She smiled at him softly, conflicted emotions still floating in her eyes. “Thank you,” she said again. He smiled gratefully in return.

She walked slowly out of the Summer House, and he let out all of his breath in a sigh of relief, whispering “thank you” to whoever was listening.

Chapter Text

The attestupan was the highlight of the day (or the lowlight, depending on your perspective, Dani thought), and the rest was spent in quiet reflection. The family had gathered around a bonfire that night, but Pelle told her this was simply a nightly tradition during Midsommar. The musicians played, and his sister Maja sang several songs in a beautiful soprano. But the mood was subdued, and people drifted off to bed early.

Josh and Christian had interrogated Pelle all evening, asking question after question about the attestupan, funeral rites, and other end of life rituals. Dani, disturbed by their conversation, sat instead with Hanna and Karin. Pelle watched her covertly from across the fire, and his chest hurt as he watched her lay her head on Hanna’s shoulder. Hanna wrapped her arms around Dani, and the two watched the fire together until it was time to go to bed.

Josh and Christian left off their questioning as the group made their way into the Summer House and got ready for bed. Dani, who had spent the night before torn between two men, now had no emotions left for either of them, worn out as she was from the events of the day.

“God, I’m fucking wiped!” Christian announced as he stretched and got under the covers.

“What’s tomorrow?” Josh asked Pelle.

Dani’s stomach clenched as she waited for his response.

“Tomorrow’s an easier day,” he said, directing his answer to Dani instead of Josh. “Festivities and games. No major ceremonies.”

Dani breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Pelle.

He sat down across from her and said, “You get to meet Grandfather Sten tomorrow.”

That brightened her up a bit. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, stopping himself from taking her hands. “If you like, you can spend the afternoon with him and the other musicians. They were excited when I told them about your sjølfløyte.”

“I’d love that, Pelle,” she said, with genuine excitement and genuine exhaustion.

“Get some sleep, then,” he replied with a tender smile.

She nodded, his smile bringing an answering one to her face, and laid down in her bed, stopping short at a rustling sound and the smell of wildflowers.

“What the…” she began but then remembered as she lifted her pillow and saw the bouquet of wildflowers she had picked with Hanna this morning, back when she and the day were still fresh. She was supposed to dream tonight of the man she’d marry.

“Oh, hey, is that the magic bouquet?” Christian asked teasingly.

“Yeah, I forgot all about it,” she said, giving it a dubious look.

“Well, you’ll have to update us in the morning on who you dream about.” He winked at her, sure of his place.

She rolled her eyes. “Right now, the only thing I’ll be dreaming of is a hot bath.”

------

Dani was standing under the maypole in the center of the Hårga village. She was surrounded by Hårgans, congratulating her and welcoming her to the family. She looked around in confusion as she was passed from one to the next, hugged, and then passed on again. Her head felt heavy, and when she put a hand up, she found she was wearing the May Queen flower crown.

I must be dreaming, she thought, as Ingemar embraced her warmly. “Take care of him,” he whispered in her ear. She looked back at him in confusion, but the family was gone, and Pelle stood in front of her. He bent down and kissed her.

When she opened her eyes, Pelle was gone. Christian was now in the clearing with her, but he was standing on the far side facing away from her. She called his name, but he didn’t answer. She started to walk towards him when a large brown bear emerged from the forest. She watched in horror as it swallowed Christian whole.

She gasped and woke up in the bed of the Summer House. The room was full of sleeping Hårgans, and the baby was crying again. She looked to her right to assure herself that Christian was okay, but his bed was empty. She sat up, looked around, and realized Pelle, Josh, Christian, and Mark were all gone.

Fear set in then, and she climbed out of her bed to find them. She slid through the front door as quietly as she could into the darkness of the night. As she looked around the clearing, Pelle’s rental car suddenly came up the lane. It didn’t stop as it rolled by her but slowed enough for her to see them all inside, leaving Hårga, and leaving her behind.

She started to run after them, yelling, “No, please! Don’t leave me!” Mark made a face at her out the back window. She tried to scream again, but no words came out, just a stream of black exhaust.

Suddenly, she was back in her bed, Pelle shaking her and calling her name softly. She sat up halfway, looking up at him through the haze of sleep. “Pelle? What… what happened?”

“You were dreaming,” he said, sitting down on the bed next to her. “A nightmare. Are you okay?” He caressed her cheek lightly.

Dani looked around to see Mark, Josh, and Christian (whole and uneaten) sleeping soundly in their beds. She breathed a sigh of relief, and clean air came out of her lungs. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks, Pelle,” she said, laying her hand on his on the bed.

“I used to have bad nightmares after my parents died. Ingemar would sleep in the bed with me until they passed.”

He meant it simply as shared experience, but she sat up to whisper recklessly in his ear, “Is that an offer?”

His blood ran thick in his veins as he brushed a fallen hair out of her face. “Tonight, and every night after,” he promised.

She touched her forehead briefly to his chest, and then looked back up saying, “Maybe one day I’ll take you up on that.” She yawned hugely and laid back down on the bed.

Pelle’s heartbeat raced, and he placed a kiss on her forehead as he tucked her back in. “Please do. I’ll be right here, if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Pelle,” she said, already drifting back to sleep.

“You’re welcome... älskling.” He went back to his own bed, heart overflowing, and fell asleep dreaming of her.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Dani woke up very late to the sound of Hanna’s voice saying, “Dani, Dani, it’s time to get up.” She blearily opened her eyes to see her new friend’s cheery face, groaned, and dropped back onto the pillow. Hanna was of that strange species known as “morning people”, and Dani would never understand their kind.

“Why?” she asked, covering her head with the blanket.

“Because it’s a beautiful day!” Hanna answered brightly.

Dani grunted at this, unconvinced.

“You missed breakfast, but I have coffee,” Hanna offered invitingly, “and a present from Pelle,” she added in a conspiratorial whisper.

Dani peaked out from under the covers. Coffee and presents were good reasons to get up. “What is it?” she asked. Hanna put her a finger to her lips, signaling to Dani that it was a secret. That piqued her interest even more. A secret present from Pelle? And coffee? Dani’s feet were on the floor by the time she finished the thought.

Hanna gestured for Dani to follow her, and they walked out of the Summer House together. She wondered about the secrecy. And why, if it was from Pelle, Hanna was the one bringing her to it? Maybe Pelle himself was there waiting. She hoped it wasn’t some kind of romantic picnic or some such idea that would put her in an awkward position. No, Pelle wouldn’t push me like that. He’s always let me take the lead. 

Hanna led Dani through the village, past the main washrooms where Dani had taken a quick shower yesterday. She had been a little disturbed to hear the bathing facilities were coed, but each stall was separate and enclosed, and so she had been at least able to wash in private, even if it was on a wood slat floor. She rather wished she’d gotten up earlier and showered before Hanna came to fetch her. The dust of the attestupan plain still lingered in her hair, making her scalp itch.

They headed for a wooden building set back from the others with frosted glass windows. She thought she saw a shadow moving inside, but she couldn’t be sure. A vent in the room released smoke, or maybe steam, into the air. As she and Hanna drew closer, Dani could make out the sound of women’s laughter. Okay, this is getting weird, Pelle, she thought to herself.

Hanna opened the heavy wood door and led Dani inside. The front room was a simple entryway, with racks for shoes and bags. Dani counted three pairs of shoes and their socks tucked neatly away. She and Hanna both removed their own shoes and socks, and they passed into the next room barefoot.

The floor of the next room was tile, wood walls painted white and studded with old fashioned lamps. There were doors to the right leading to other rooms. But Dani’s attention went straight to the middle, where recessed into the floor was a large pool, maybe 3 feet deep, with steps leading down and benches mounted into the walls. Three women were in the tub, chatting in Swedish while they helped each other wash their hair.

Dani’s mouth hung open as Hanna explained, “The water comes from a hot spring underneath, and it cycles through a natural filter. Only the women of the family are allowed to use it, so typically guests do not come here. But Pelle asked permission for you, and it was granted.”

“A hot bath,” Dani said reverently, and Hanna laughed and smiled.

“Yes, Pelle said you were dreaming of a hot bath instead of a husband!”

Dani grinned, “It seemed more appealing last night.”

Hanna gestured to the hooks on the wall where she saw the other women’s clothes hanging. “Please, enjoy. You are family.”

Oh, am I? she thought wryly.

Hanna stepped up to one of the hooks and began to undress. Dani hesitated. She had never been comfortable being naked in front of other people, even other women in the gym locker room. She tended to bring her clothes into the shower with her so she could emerge fully dressed. But here, the women seemed perfectly comfortable with each other’s nudity. Well, she thought, you did come here to expand your horizons. She stripped off her clothes and, resisting the urge to cover herself with her hands, stepped down into the bath.

The water was perfect. Hot enough to seep into your bones but not so hot as to draw a sweat. She dunked her head to rinse yesterday’s dust out of her hair and then sank onto one of the benches, rested her head on the edge of the tub, and let out a sigh of pleasure.

“I will tell Pelle it was a success,” Hanna said, coming to sit next to her.

“Oh, yes,” Dani said, feeling her muscles unwind in the heat. “Best birthday present ever.”

Hanna grinned, and the two women lapsed into silence, enjoying the comfortable peace of the bathhouse.

------

After a time, the other three women dressed and left, leaving Hanna and Dani alone in the bathhouse. Hanna had washed Dani’s hair with a shampoo that smelled of rosemary and mint, helping her scrub away the dust and death of yesterday.

“Pelle told me to tell you that after lunch he will take you to Grandfather Sten and the other musicians for the afternoon.” Dani nodded, expecting this. “Then, after supper, the couples in the family will throw the wreaths at the bonfire,” Hanna added.

“What does that mean?” Dani asked.

“Each woman will take a wreath made of pine boughs and weave a ribbon through it. That makes it hers, you see. And then, she will stand on one side of the fire, and her man will stand on the other side. She will throw the wreath over the fire. If it makes it across and the man catches it, it means they will be together for another year. If not…” Hanna shrugged. “It is particularly bad luck if it lands in the fire.”

“I can imagine,” Dani said.

“Will you do it?” Hanna teased. “With Christian?”

Dani winced internally at that. Right now, she didn’t know if their relationship would last the week, let alone a year. And the idea of watching Christian fail to catch her wreath in front of the entire village, in front of Pelle… she was embarrassed just thinking about it.

“Or perhaps with Pelle?” Hanna asked innocently when Dani didn’t answer immediately.

“Hanna!” Dani scolded, shocked.

Hanna laughed and asked, “Who did you dream about last night, Dani?”

Dani’s cheeks flamed red; she could feel the heat on her face. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she sputtered.

Hanna stopped laughing and gave her a sisterly smile. “Your men are blind. Hårga are not. But you are safe. No one will say it to Christian.”

Dani stared at one of the frosted glass windows. She hadn’t realized she and Pelle were that obvious. Of course, Ulf had seen them together the night before, and Dani knew how word spread in a small town. She trusted Hanna; could she trust a whole village?

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said miserably.

Hanna gave her a quick sideways hug and said, “Look at me. You will do what is right for you. Men do not know what is right for us. We know, in here,” she gestured to her heart. “You will know too, when it is time. Until then, you talk to me. And I will tell no one.”

Dani sighed, “Thank you. Really, I mean it. The only other person I can talk to about it is my friend Lauren back home, and I can’t get a cell signal here. And frankly, she joined Team Pelle months ago. Although I suppose you’re a bit biased that way too.”

Hanna laughed and shook her head. “I am Team Dani. Whatever makes you happy is what I want for you.”

“Thank you,” Dani said with pleased sincerity. “I need a team.”

No, you need a family, Hanna wanted to say. But Pelle had warned her against using that word with Dani. She didn’t fully understand why, but she trusted her brother’s intuition. Instead, she said, “We are all Team Dani. I promise.”

Dani smiled skeptically at that.

“But if Pelle is not your choice, there are others. I hear Evert would throw the wreath with you too,” Hanna teased, eyes sparkling.

“What?” Dani said in disbelief. She’d met Evert all of twice, and he was only 18, way too young for her to contemplate, even if she didn’t already feel torn by just two men.

Hanna laughed. “Yes, he has fallen for the pretty foreigner.” She shook her head. “Poor man, I think he will have his heart broken.”

“Oh, my God,” Dani groaned. “Does Pelle know?”

“He sees nothing but you,” Hanna said, dismissing her brother’s observational skills with a wave of her hand. “But if you like, I can arrange with Evert for you to throw the wreath to him tonight. It would be good for both Christian and Pelle to see they are not the only ones.” Hanna winked at Dani conspiratorially.

Dani laughed. Hanna was as bad as Lauren. “No, thank you. As much as I would enjoy watching them both twist, I don’t think I want to lead anyone else on.” Dani’s self-recrimination was plain in her voice.

“Do not be hard on yourself, Dani,” Hanna said. “We cannot control our hearts. You will see. It will all come right in the end.”

“Yeah,” Dani said, but her voice was full of skepticism.

Karin popped her head through the bathhouse door. “There you two are!” she said, stepping in. “Grandma Irma sent me looking for you, Hanna. It’s time to prepare lunch. Dani, would you like to help?”

“I’d love to,” Dani said, stepping out of the bath. Hanna gave her a thick white robe to wear instead of her dirty clothes, and they headed back to the Summer House to get ready for lunch.

Chapter Text

When Hanna and Dani reached the Summer House, they found Connie outside with her bags packed. “Hey,” Dani said, concern in her voice.

“Hey. It was really nice to meet you. I'm so sorry. We're actually leaving,” Connie told her, flustered and disorganized.

“What?” Dani asked. She knew Connie and Simon had been upset at the Attestupan the day before; they all had been. But she didn’t realize that they were still planning on leaving.

“Yeah,” Connie said. “Simon is getting the truck with one of them now.”

“Connie,” Father Odd called out, coming up to join the women. “Simon, he told me to tell you that Jarl drove him to the train station. And after Simon gets dropped off, he's sending the truck back for you.”

“What?” Connie was appalled.

“You will meet him there,” Father Odd continued.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Why would he just go without me? He wouldn't do that.”

“Well, the truck only had room for two. So...” Father Odd shrugged.

“What does that mean? That doesn't even make any sense. He would have told me,” Connie was panicking now. Dani stood by, watching helplessly.

Odd explained, “Today's only train leaves in 90 minutes. It takes about 35 minutes to go there and back. So, they didn't want to waste time.”

“So, I could have sat on his lap,” she protested.

Odd chuckled at that. “Yes, I imagined that, too, but, you know, we... We don't break traffic laws.”

Connie continued to stare at Father Odd, “Okay? So, they've just gone. They've left me just now.”

“Now, Connie. There was no room in the truck. Yet, it is coming right back for you,” Father Odd said, trying to calm her and reassure her.

Connie was furious. “This is bullshit!” she announced, stomping off.

Dani and Hanna exchanged looks of surprise. Dani didn’t think the explanation Connie got made much sense, but then Father Odd was, well, odd.

“Come, we’d better get ready,” Hanna said, pulling Dani into the Summer House and preventing her from following Connie.

------

“Has anyone seen Connie?” Dani asked as she sat down at lunch in the only open space between Pelle and Christian.

“I think Mark saw her earlier,” Christian offered.

Mark snickered, “I'm sure I saw her trying out for the sprinting Olympics earlier.”

“What?” Dani said, immediately concerned. “Where?”

“Sorry, but I can say what happened,” Jarl leaned forward and interjected. “Her boyfriend called the landline from the train station and calmed Connie down. Then she begged our pardon, and I drove her to meet him.”

“Okay, well, that's a relief,” Christian said, nodding his thanks to Jarl.

“Why would Simon leave without her?” Dani wondered aloud.

“I'm sure it was just a miscommunication,” Christian shrugged, more interested in lunch than Connie and Simon.

“I could see you possibly doing that,” Dani said, half under her breath.

“What the hell does that mean?” Christian asked.

“Never mind,” she said, turning her attention to her food.

“Did you learn anything about the Rubi Radr?” Josh asked Christian.

“Oh, so now you want to collaborate?” Christian scoffed, turning his displeasure on Josh.

“Okay, thank you. Sorry I brought it up,” Josh threw up his hands.

“Hey,” Inga interrupted, tapping Mark on the shoulder. “You'll come with me?”

“What?” Mark asked, startled.

“You'll come? I'll show you,” she smiled down at him encouragingly.

“Okay, sure,” he said, jumping up from his seat. “I'll be back,” he said to Christian. “I guess she's going to show me.” Mark trotted off with a wide grin.

He did not come back to finish lunch.

Chapter Text

After the meal, Josh and Christian went their separate ways to continue interviewing Hårgans for their theses, leaving Dani alone with Pelle.

“How was your morning?” he asked her warmly. It was the first they’d spoken today. And who did you dream about?

She blushed, remembering her conversation with Hanna and her dreams the night before, but her voice was steady enough when she said, “Wonderful! Thank you so much, Pelle! It was the perfect present!”

“I’m glad!” he said, grinning at her response. “I thought you’d like it.”

“It was the best,” she said with sincerity. “And so is Hanna. I love her.”

“I had a feeling you two would get along,” he said. “Are you ready to meet Grandfather Sten and the other musicians?”

Dani nodded, “Nervous, but ready. I just need to grab my sjølfløyte from the Summer House.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asked as they walked away from the lunch table.

She shrugged. “Because I won’t know anyone there, and I want to impress them. What if I they think I’m terrible? I might be.”

Pelle was shaking his head. “They won’t think you’re terrible, because you’re not. I’m sure of it, even if I haven’t heard you play,” he added, forestalling her protest. “And besides, Evert will be there, and you know him.”

Dani choked on a distressed laugh at that remark. Pelle stopped in the road. “What? What did I say?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” she said, waving him to continue on. He eyed her suspiciously, but they walked into the Summer House, and she retrieved her sjølfløyte from her bag under the bed. When she stood up and turned around, Pelle was stationed directly behind her, cornering her between the bed and the wall.

“What do you know that I don’t know?” he asked, arms folded across his chest. His tone was stern, but his eyes held a teasing spark.

“Me? Not a thing!” she answered with feigned innocence.

“Uh-huh. I don’t buy it.”

She tried to skirt around him, but he kept her trapped.

“Now, now, Pelle, you wouldn’t want to make me late for Grandfather Sten, would you?” She batted her eyelashes at him playfully.

Pelle looked from her to the bed and back to her with a look that said quite clearly that he’d enjoy nothing more.

“Pelle!” she whispered, shocked, but secretly delighted at his behavior.

There was no one else in the Summer House. He lifted her chin with his finger, leaned in close, and whispered in her ear, “Don’t tempt me.”

His tone was teasing, but the feel of his breath on her neck sent a shiver through her body. She felt every hair on her body stand on end, and her breath caught in her throat. He stepped back, enjoying her reaction, and then said, “Well, come on, now, you don’t want to be late, do you?"

She shook herself, gave him an inscrutable look, and led the way out of the Summer House.

It was only after he had left her with Grandfather Sten that he realized he never got an answer about Evert.

------

The musicians practiced in a clearing in the forest about a 10-minute walk from the village center. Dani and Pelle held hands as they went, enjoying the brief bit of privacy provided by towering trees and dense undergrowth. They walked in silence, trading sideways glances as the air grew thicker between them. Pelle was finding it hard to breathe.

About halfway down the trail, he suddenly pulled Dani into the tree line, pinning her on the far side of a massive oak and covering her mouth with his. Her arms came around his neck and she kissed him eagerly, knowing she was playing with fire but powerless to resist. It took them much more than 10 minutes to make it to practice.

When they finally arrived, Pelle introduced Dani to Grandfather Sten and left shortly after. She stood awkwardly in the clearing, fidgeting with her sjølfløyte while Sten smiled kindly at her and plucked a small leaf from her hair. Dani blushed furiously.  About 20 others were setting up in a circle, most playing instruments she did not recognize.

Dani took a deep breath to calm her nerves and said to Sten, “Thank you so much for the beautiful sjølfløyte. It’s truly a work of art.”

Sten waved off her thanks with a gesture. “Of course, my dear. I was happy to part with it for a friend of Pelle’s. I hope you have been playing it and not just looking at it, though,” he added with a wink.

“Oh, yes,” she said quickly. “I’ve played it quite a bit since… since Yule.”

Sten nodded, understanding more than Dani realized. “Here, let me introduce you to the rest of our band of musicians.”

Sten led Dani over to the circle and announced, “Everyone, this is Dani Ardor. She will be joining us today to learn more about playing music the Hårgan way.” They all nodded and smiled kindly. Evert gave her a wink, and she smiled at him automatically.

“Dani has experience with sjølfløyte, so she will be with me today.” He then turned to Dani and added, “You do not need to worry about trying to keep up with us. You will not be expected to perform. You may play or not as you prefer. Understand?”

Dani nodded stiffly, biting her lower lip. Despite Sten’s reassurance, she felt very much on display. Pelle’s pet flautist, she thought sullenly. The musicians took their seats on blankets around the circle, still chatting amongst themselves. The chatter faded as each was ready to play, and when the circle was quiet, Sten called out the name of the first song. Evert gave a quick count on his drum, and they began to play.

Freed from the need to perform, Dani was able to listen and watch as they played. Initially, she found the music simplistic. The tune was straightforward, and they repeated it again and again. However, as they began to pass the melody amongst themselves, she noticed that each musician added their own decorations and flare. They appeared to be improvising as they went, and the song became more than just a melody; it became a conversation.

She watched carefully, but no one member seemed to be serving as leader or director. They simply worked together as one organic unit. Dani clapped enthusiastically as the song ended, thoroughly impressed. Around the circle, she was met with grateful smiles and nods. Sten grinned at her, and asked, “Different, yes?”

Dani nodded. “Yes. I was classically trained, so everything was written down and very precise. This is more like jazz, but even there someone usually acts as the leader and decides who is taking the melody and when the song ends. I was trying to watch, but I didn’t see anyone directing,” she ended with a questioning look.

“That is because no one member directs. We simply play together and let what happens, happen,” he explained.

“But how do you know when the song is done? Or who should pick up the melody?” she asked, not understanding.

Sten thought for a moment and then said with a shrug. “We just know. If you open yourself up to music and the people you are playing with and just let the feeling lead you, it just happens.”

Dani nodded slowly, thinking about this. “I think I understand what you mean,” she said. “At least, I know about letting the music lead you. I’ve not had that experience with other players though.”

“Try the next one with us,” Sten offered. “Here, I’ll teach you the melody.”

“Oh, no, no, that’s not necessary,” she protested. “I don’t want to take up your practice time.”

“Nonsense,” Sten replied. “We’d love to have you join us!”

Dani looked dubiously around the circle, but all the players were nodding their agreement and relaxing back into casual conversation while they waited.

Her hands shook nervously, but she forced herself to focus on Sten and ignore the others.  He played a few notes, and she repeated after him. He played them again, adding a few more, and she played it back. They continued to work through the song this way, until she was able to play it all the way through without stopping. 

“Ready?” Sten asked.

“Ready,” she said, with a hint of a smile.

Sten nodded, and Evert counted them in on his drum. The song started, and Dani kept her eyes on Sten and the other sjølfløytes as she followed along. The song was a ballad, beautiful and plaintive, her favorite type to play. She started out hesitantly, fearful of mistakes, but as they played through the first two repeats, she began to relax.

Her confidence grew until she no longer felt she needed to watch Sten’s fingers to remember the melody.  She closed her eyes and began to let the music flow through her, let it lift her up and set her down again as it ebbed and flowed like water in her veins. She lost herself in it, coming to only when the song was ended, and she found she had had no trouble knowing when it was over.

When she opened her eyes, Sten was beaming at her. “You see? You are a natural, my dear!”

Dani smiled shyly and thanked him for his praise. In contrast to the rigidity of the classical repertoire she learned, she loved the organic flow of Hårgan music. She had always been able to play with emotion; it was her gift with music. Precision had been another story.

She played with them for several hours, and soon she found that Sten did not need to teach her the melodies. She was able to pick them up after a few repeats. She could watch Sten’s fingers on his sjølfløyte to follow along until she had the melody memorized, and then she simply cast herself into the ocean of sound and let the current carry her away.

As the afternoon went on, Dani started to notice Sten calling for more and more ballads and laments, heavily emotive songs without fast fingerings or complex changes that allowed her to lean into her natural talents. It allowed her to relax more and enjoy herself without the anxiety of getting the notes right, and she thanked him silently each time.

At the end, Sten asked her to teach them something she knew. She had blanched a bit at being put on the spot but obediently taught them a soulful Hebrew ballad that she knew by heart. After they finally made it through a full rendition, she looked up and caught Evert’s eye, allowing herself a moment to enjoy his open adoration. Christian had never had much appreciation for her talent with music, and Evert’s admiration was refreshing.

When their time together was ended (she had ceased thinking of it as practice), she was surrounded by Hårgans complimenting her and thanking her for her song. Sten looked on with a proud smile on his face, as if he had personally found her playing on a street corner and recruited her to join. Dani wasn’t irritated by his attitude, though; she’d enjoyed herself too much to do more than laugh.

Irma’s seemingly never-ending kitchen staff had set up a table of refreshments while they played. She had just gotten a glass of water and was investigating the pastries when Evert came up to her. He placed a light hand on the small of her back as he reached for a glass of water. “You play with such feeling,” he complimented her. “Even for Hårgans, such is rare. It is truly a gift,” he said kindly.

“Thank you,” she replied, smiling at her glass. “This has been such an amazing experience.”

“You are the one who is amazing, sötnos,” he said softly, raising his water glass to her in a toast. He drained it in one swallow, and then wrapped his arm around her waist and asked, “Will you join us again?”

She blushed, flustered by his actions, and stammered, “I mean… I… I’d like to. I haven’t had this much fun in months.”

“Now that’s a shame,” she heard Sten’s voice say. She turned, shedding Evert’s arm neatly, and Sten continued, “We shall have to make sure you do not go so long again. Will you play with us around the bonfire tonight?”

Dani nodded eagerly, and Sten and Evert both beamed. “Wonderful, my dear, just wonderful!” Sten declared. “We will have to tear you away from your friends and Pelle to do so,” he cast a glance meaningfully in Evert’s direction at this statement, but the young man simply winked at Dani and retreated to converse with one of the other players.

Dani let out a small sigh and said, “Thank you,” quietly to Sten.

“Are you not accustomed to the attentions of young men, my dear?” Sten asked bluntly.

Dani felt herself blushing furiously and said, “It’s… different in America. It’s more… verbal. Less physical. More… detached,” she ended lamely, shrugging at her inability to describe flirting in her home country.

Sten nodded sagely. “That is a good way to describe the world outside of Hårga. ‘Detached’. You will find here that men are different. They are not afraid to be affectionate, especially physically affectionate. Your Christian may want to assert himself more if he wants Evert to be the last.”

Dani flinched at the mention of Christian. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t say anything to Christian. It’s my fault; I must have done something to lead him on,” she babbled, suddenly seized by anxiety.

“Not at all! Not at all!” Sten reassured her. “You did nothing, my dear. It is only that Evert is young and bold. He has yet to learn humility. And do not worry. No one will say anything to Christian. We are not in the habit of gossiping.”

Dani nodded gratefully, but she was guilt-stricken. Sten may not blame her, but Christian certainly would. She resolved to stay clear of Evert. We don’t need a repeat of the Pelle situation, she thought, as the memory of Christmas flitted through her mind.

“And who are you thinking of now, my dear?” Sten teased as the color rose in her cheeks.

She choked on a sip of water, and he clapped her on the back helpfully as she coughed and sputtered.

“No need to tell me,” Sten said as she regained her breath. “I have eyes. Even if your American men do not.”

Dani gave him a pained look. “Is it that obvious?”

“To a man who has known such love, yes,” he said gently. “Do not worry, granddaughter, you will find the strength to do what is necessary.”

She nodded miserably; it was becoming clearer to her what that would be, and she didn’t share Sten’s optimistic appraisal of her strength.

“Has this man Christian committed to you, Dani?” Sten asked softly.

“We’ve been together for almost four years,” she said.

“That’s not an answer. Has he committed to you in any meaningful way? And you to him?” Sten asked insistently.

“Not in any way that you would recognize,” she answered. “But to leave him this way after four years… for a man he thought of as his friend? What kind of person would do that?” She turned her face to Sten then, a plea for understanding in her eyes.

“I understand, granddaughter,” Sten said, unexpectedly pulling her into a hug.

“You do?” she asked, flustered by his embrace.

“I do. You believe you have made a commitment, though he has not.” Sten released her, and she nodded.

“I have to do what’s right…, Grandfather,” she smiled up at him with tears forming in her eyes. “I just wish I knew what that was.”

Seeing the miserable look on Dani’s face, Sten straightened his back and announced, “I will help you.”

“You will?” Dani asked, surprised. “How?”

“You will see, granddaughter,” Sten said. “You will see.”

------

That evening, after dinner, the family gathered again around the bonfire. The mood was much different tonight. The musicians played light-hearted, joyous pieces, and men and women whirled together in spinning dances. Dani played with the musicians off and on throughout the evening. Pelle glowed with pride and happiness as she found her place in the family. He had always known she belonged here, but after the long months of doubt and fear, seeing it become reality was enough to make him want to shed tears of joy.

She was taking a break from playing now, talking and laughing with Hanna. He was still watching her, a small smile on his face, when he felt Josh tap him on the shoulder.  He turned to Josh questioningly, who pointed to Ingemar, who had materialized out of nowhere. 

Pelle jumped. “Jävla, Ingemar, you scared me!” 

“I shouldn’t have.  I’ve been trying to get your attention for like two minutes.” Ingemar teased. 

Pelle felt himself blush and made an excuse, “Sorry, I’m just tired tonight.  What’s up?”

“Siv wants to talk to you.  Guess you’re in trouble again,” Ingemar winked.

Pelle rose to his feet, saying, “What did you do this time?”

“Hey, it wasn’t me!” Ingemar said, laughing.

Pelle grinned. “Did she say what she wanted to talk about?”

Ingemar shook his head. “Does she ever?”

“Nope. I guess I was hoping this was the first time.” 

They walked to the head of the circle on the far side of the bonfire where Siv was sitting. Sten had taken a break from playing also and was seated next to her.

“Grandmother,” Ingemar said as they reached her. 

“Pelle! Ingemar!” she said brightly, hugging them both. “Sten was just telling me about his afternoon with Dani. Apparently, he thinks quite highly of her skill.” 

Pelle beamed with pride. “I’m glad to hear it.  She seems to be enjoying herself.”  He glanced back down the hill, where he saw Dani push Hanna good-naturedly, both women laughing uproariously. 

“She’s fitting in quite nicely, lille Pelle.”  Siv nodded approvingly.  “You have done well for us. And Ingemar, my child, your offerings will help ensure our future for the next 90 years.  We owe you so much,” she added, reaching out her hands to him.

Ingemar took her hands and said with genuine feeling, “Anything for my family.”

Pelle’s smile faded. Tomorrow was the day. Ingemar would join the Everything, join Mark. As would Josh. As for Christian, that remained to be seen. “You wished to see me, Grandmother?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.

“Yes, my dears.”  She turned serious. “Tomorrow approaches quickly. Pelle, it was a mere formality, but I wanted to let you know that the elders voted, and Dani will be officially invited to join the family.” Ingemar clapped Pelle on the back in congratulations.

Pelle placed his hands on his heart in a gesture of gratitude and said, “Thank you, Grandmother. Grandfather.”

“Please bring her to the Queen’s house in the morning. I would like to have a private breakfast with her to share what we found about Eirunn and her ancestry.”

“Of course, Grandmother. Anything else?”

“Yes, lille Pelle,” she continued. “Christian has been approved to mate with Maja. I will extend the offer to him tomorrow.”

Pelle nodded stiffly. He’d expected this.

“He will accept, and Dani will know.”

Pelle and Ingemar exchanged quick looks of surprise. Sten had spoken, not Siv, and his voice, normally kind and jolly, was hard and unyielding.

Sten continued, “I have been around long enough to know a faithless man when I meet one, and that is a faithless man.”  Sten looked down the hill at Christian.  “Dani will be one of us. I will not have my granddaughter attached to a man who would betray her. We will take what we need from him, and we will do what needs to be done to extract Dani from this commitment she feels she has made."

Pelle’s eyebrows rose higher and higher as Sten talked.  What the hell happened this afternoon? he thought to himself. Pelle looked at Siv for an explanation.

She raised her hands defensively. “Don’t ask me. He came to supper this way. Dani made quite an impression on him.”

“I understand, Grandfather,” Pelle said, completely nonplussed.

Sten fixed Pelle with a firm look then and said, “Dani is special, unlike any new blood I’ve ever met. And I know a thing or two about new bloods. Her trials are far from over, and I will be watching out for her. And keeping an eye on anyone who takes interest in her.”

Pelle’s eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. Did Grandfather Sten just… He looked at Siv and Ingemar for confirmation, but they both bore equal expressions of astonishment.

Pelle, feeling very much on the hot seat, turned back to his grandfather. He drew his back straight and vowed formally, “I will be her rock, Grandfather, faithful and strong, and I will love her all the days of my life, as she deserves.”

Pleased, Sten broke into a smile and patted Pelle on the shoulder, “I know you will, lille Pelle. I know you will.” He looked over his grandson and gave him a gift. “She loves you too, more than you or she realize. You are her choice, my boy. I’ve seen it in her heart. We need to free her from her current chains, and then you will see too.”

Pelle’s heart overflowed with joy. “Thank you,” he responded softly, voice choked with emotion. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear it, even if it wasn’t from Dani.

They all sat for a moment, watching Dani and Hanna together, when a thread of doubt wove itself through Pelle’s mind. He turned back to Sten and asked, “Grandfather, what do I need to know about Evert?”

Sten laughed in surprise at that and then laughed harder as he saw Pelle’s disgruntled face. Siv’s mouth twitched with repressed laughter, and even Ingemar looked at him as if he were daft.

“What?” Pelle asked, feeling like the punchline of a joke he didn’t understand.

“Oh, my boy,” Sten said, wiping tears from his face. “All you need to know about Evert is that she won’t let him within 10 feet of her after I told her what ‘sötnos’ means. He is nothing to worry about. A young man with a crush that will be over in a day or two.”

Relief, jealousy, and an overwhelming need to march down the hill and kiss Dani in front of the entire village warred in Pelle’s mind. He exhaled-inhaled quickly to try to clear the unholy affekts. Siv looked at him sympathetically, and said, “I wouldn’t worry too much, lille Pelle. Karin has set her hopes on Evert, and she works quickly.”

Siv gestured to the other side of the fire where Karin and Evert sat. She looked up at him adoringly, and Evert, who loved to be adored, basked in the glow.  Pelle grinned and, comforted, turned back to Siv. “Thank you, Grandmother.”

She bowed her head to him in acknowledgement and then waved them away. “Now, off you boys go. Take this night to spend together, remembering the good times. Dani will be safe and cared for with us, and she’ll need her rest for tomorrow.”

Pelle’s heart fell. Tomorrow he would lose Ingemar. He might lose Dani. And at the end of it, he would still be standing, alone in a sea of Hårgans.

Chapter Text

Dani had still gone to bed late, preferring to stay up and play her sjølfløyte as long as she could. Playing for the family was like nothing she had ever experienced. Not only could she feel the players with her, but she could also feel the emotions they brought out in their audience. Dani had swum in a sea of sensations until her fingers pruned. She had gone to bed with a full heart and smile on her lips.

She was woken sometime in the night by a hand touching her foot. She lifted herself up to see a woman standing at the foot of her bed. “Hanna?” she whispered, rubbing her eyes to clear the haze of sleep.

The figure shook her head and beckoned Dani to follow her. As she rose from her bed and followed the woman toward the doorway, she caught sight of her dress in a stray beam of light – blue and red. Dani whispered, “Eirunn?” as they exited the Summer House and walked out into the bright light of night. 

Eirunn nodded and spoke. “Yes, Dani. Walk with me.”

Dani followed her obediently, mouth hanging open in shock. “But how…?”

Eirunn smiled. “You’ll see. Time is just another strand that we völvas can traverse. It doesn’t exist for us the same as it does for others.”

Dani shook her head disbelievingly. “I thought it was all hallucinogens and fanatic religious belief.”

Eirunn laughed. “No, I’m afraid not. Time and fate are just another dimension, like length and width. Most people can’t see them. We are not most people.” She looked at Dani meaningfully.

“Me?” Dani asked in a whisper.

Eirunn nodded, “Yes, you, granddaughter. If you choose it, you will be a great völva, like me. Like the other women of our tree. That’s why you were brought here – to show you who you are.”

Dani walked beside Eirunn for a quiet minute, trying to absorb what her 10-times great grandmother, dead for 350 years, was telling her.

“I don’t have much time,” Eirunn said, interrupting her thoughts, “It’s very difficult to appear to you this way.  So, I’ll tell you quickly. You were brought here for a purpose, and if you choose it, that purpose is one that will bring you great joy and happiness. But it will not be without its trials. This week you’ll face choices the likes of which you cannot imagine now. I will not tell you more. You must face each of these choices yourself. No one else can make the decisions for you. I will be here with you, and I will guide you where I can. But the choices must be yours and yours alone. Do you understand?”

Dani nodded, “I think so. But you can’t you tell me more? So I can have some time to think about it?”

Eirunn shook her head. “Time is not on your side, my child. You cannot delay. Refusing to make a choice is still a choice, granddaughter. And all choices have consequences.”

Eirunn stopped walking, and Dani realized they had reached the yellow pyramid temple at the end of the hay field, a building forbidden to the outsiders. The doors stood open. Pelle strode past her, and she called out to him. But he didn’t answer or acknowledge her. He walked into the yellow building, and the doors closed behind him.

Dani glanced at Eirunn for an explanation, but she simply gestured to the temple. When Dani turned back, she gasped. The building was on fire, fully aflame from the bottom to the very top. “Pelle!” she screamed and started to run towards the fire.

She was stopped short, however. Christian had an iron grip on her wrist, refusing to let her go. She begged and pleaded with him to release her, but he acted as if he could not see or hear her. She turned to plead to Eirunn, but her great grandmother simply stood and watched the temple burn.

Dani saw Ingemar rush into the building to save Pelle, and she continued to fight against Christian, trying desperately to get free. She watched in horror as the yellow building collapsed, with Pelle and Ingemar still inside. Tears streamed down her face as she screamed, “No no no no!”

She was suddenly back in her bed, Christian shaking her roughly, trying to wake her from her nightmare. “Babe, babe, wake up! It’s just a bad dream!” he whispered loudly, trying to get through to her without waking the whole house.

Her breath was coming fast, fear flooding her veins and hot tears on her face, as she sat bolt upright in her bed. Christian sat down next to her and wrapped her in his arms. “It’s okay, shhh, it’s okay,” he whispered over and over as he rocked her back and forth, trying to soothe her. “I’m here, you’re safe, it’s okay.”

She breathed as deeply as she could, trying to get herself under control. She was back in the Summer House. It was just a dream. Everything was okay. She glanced to her left to assure herself Pelle was fine, but his bed sat empty, undisturbed. There was a green sweatshirt folded up at the foot of the bed, but it was the only evidence that he’d been there.

She looked across the room to where Ingemar slept, but his bed was empty too. The panic started rising again, and she pushed Christian away, unable to bear his embrace.

“Babe, it’s okay,” he said again, reaching to take her hand.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach, evading his touch, and said hoarsely, “Thank you. No, I’m okay. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to… I’m just going to get some air.”

“Okay,” he said, already laying back down his bed. “Do what you need to do. I’ll be here if you need me.”

She nodded stiffly and walked to the door as calmly as she could manage. As soon as she was out and the door was closed behind her, she started running hard for the yellow temple. Panic sped her flight through the village, past the maypole, and to the hayfield at the edge of town. She dropped to her knees in the grass, hiccupping sobs wracking her body, as she saw the yellow temple, whole and unburnt, standing tall in the sun.

Chapter Text

Pelle and Ingemar finally made their way back to the Summer House in the wee hours of the morning, neither one knowing how to end their last day together. They fell silent as they walked, contemplating what the next day would bring. Ingemar had assured Pelle he was happy with his choice, that what Dani had shown him in the forest had given him peace. But for Pelle, peace remained elusive.

As they approached the eternal fire, Pelle saw a figure rise from its side and start walking quickly towards them. It was Dani, he knew it before he could make out her features, and she was upset. She was wearing the sweatshirt that he had left on his bed, and he could all but feel the anxiety and heartbreak flowing out of her. She broke into a run, and fear wrenched his insides. She launched herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. He caught her and held her tightly, whispering, “It’s okay, älskling, I’m here.”

“Pelle, thank God,” she said, her voice heavy with relief.

Pelle and Ingemar exchanged baffled glances. “I’ll go to bed and leave you two alone,” Ingemar said, taking a step towards the Summer House. 

Dani’s arm shot out, reaching for Ingemar. “Wait,” she said, frantically, and he stopped. Pelle set her down, and she wrapped Ingemar in a crushing hug, saying, “Thank you, Ingemar. Thank you so much."

“For what?” he asked, surprise evident on his face.

Dani looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, “For always being there for Pelle, for keeping him safe for me. For being the brother he needed.” She released Ingemar and put her arms around Pelle’s waist proprietarily. “I’ll take care of him, I promise.”

Ingemar smiled and said, “I know you will, Dani. I’m leaving him in good hands.” Pelle looked from Dani to Ingemar, thoroughly confused and stunned by the exchange. Ingemar nodded to them both and walked away to go to the Summer House alone.

Pelle watched his brother disappear, then turned to Dani and said, “Dani, what happened? Are you okay?”

She shook her head, “No, definitely not.” She leaned heavily against him, sniffing as fresh tears rolled down her face.

He stood in the lane, completely bewildered. Dani had buried her face in his chest, crying softly without explanation. He looked at her and then looked at the fire she had just left. Having no better ideas, he bent down, lifted her up in his arms, and started to carry her to the eternal fire.

Her arms came around him, and she dropped a soft kiss on his neck that sent shivers down his spine. When they reached the fire, he folded himself onto the ground, sitting cross-legged, and set Dani in his lap. He tilted her chin up and searched her face. “Dani, please, tell me what happened.”

She looked up at him, face filled with fear and confusion. “I don’t know. A bad dream, I think, but I’ve never had one like it. It was so real, Pelle.” She shivered and whispered, “I lost you, and I couldn’t bear it.”

He tightened his hold on her and said, “You’ll never lose me. I promise.”

She smiled and kissed him, then laid her head on his shoulder. She shifted her body to get closer and then began.

“It was Eirunn. She came into the Summer House and got me out of bed. We walked through the village – nobody was around, they were all still sleeping – and she told me that I was brought here for a purpose, if I chose it. But she told me there would be trials, and she said I had to make choices. That I wouldn’t have time to think about them, because if I waited the consequences would be awful.” Her voice was soft and small, full of fear. She tightened her arms around him, and his stomach dropped.

Dani paused for a moment, sniffing and raising her head to wipe her nose on her sleeve. She glanced up at him and said, “I stole your sweatshirt. I hope you don’t mind.”

He shook his head and said, “You look beautiful in it.”

She smiled shyly, resettled herself, and then went on, “We walked to that big yellow temple – the triangle one. I saw you go in, and then it started on fire. I was screaming for you, trying to run in to save you, but Christian was holding my arm. He wouldn’t let me go. Ingemar went in after you, but neither of you came out. And the temple burned to the ground.”

She added in a whisper so quiet it was barely audible, “I watched you die, Pelle, and it was as real to me then as you are right now.”

Pelle’s mind reeled. Gods, was this a dream or a vision? Would he be reinstated as a sacrifice if she didn’t choose him? The thought hadn’t crossed his mind before, and he felt the cold ice of dread run down his spine.

Dani felt him stiffen and sat up in his arms, rising to her knees so she could face him fully. She took his face in her hands and said forcefully, “Pelle, I can’t lose you again. I can’t. Promise me, no matter what, you won’t go into that temple.” When he didn’t immediately respond, she shook him and demanded, “Promise me.”

“I promise,” he whispered, knowing full well he would do it anyway if that’s what his family decided, if doing so would save her.

She kissed him again, harder this time, her desire for him exploding in the face of her fear. Pelle was momentarily thrown by her sudden passion, but soon he was responding to her with the same desperate need, trying to reassure her with his body as well as his words that he would never leave her, that he’d be hers forever.

Pelle ended the kiss as soon as realization dawned. He leaned back to look at her with wide eyes. “Wait. Does this mean…” he asked hesitantly.

Dani pressed her forehead against his. “It’s you, Pelle,” she said in a fierce whisper. “It’s always been you. Since the beginning. Can you forgive me that it took me so long to see it?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, älskling,” he said, capturing her mouth in a searing kiss. She whimpered softly as his hands caressed her body. Her kiss flooded his senses, drowning out everything but her and a building need to join with her, heedless of the risks.

He stopped abruptly, gasping for air, and ground out in a low voice, “Jävla, Dani, I want you, so badly. If we’re going to stop, it needs to be now.”

Her eyes met his, brimming over with intense longing and a desperate need to claim him. “I need you, Pelle,” she said, running her hands across his broad shoulders, every hair in her path standing on end. “Please, I can’t… not after…” she shook her head, unable to find the words to explain. “Please. I need you.” She repeated, her eyes holding a plea he couldn’t deny.

He nodded quickly, and her mouth landed on his again, arms wrapping around him tightly. He tried to think as kissed her. He needed her too. Where? He racked his brain, trying to think while she pressed her body to his, and he started to lose control.

He broke off the kiss, panting for air, “I need you, too,” he whispered. “Will you follow me?”

She nodded and rose to her feet.  He took her hand and led her away from the fire towards the woods. They picked up speed quickly, both running up a narrow path, through the trees, up a hillside, and finally bursting into a small grove where the underbrush turned to soft grass and the dense forest surrounding shielded them from watchful eyes.

Neither spared any time or attention for their surroundings, however. They came together in a passionate kiss, both falling to their knees. Pelle laid Dani down in the grass, pulling back to search her eyes for any trace of doubt, but he saw only love and desire. His heart was bursting, and he found himself saying, “I love you, Dani,” before he could stop himself.

She laid a hand on the side of his face, smiling up at him, and said, “I love you, too, Pelle.”

He bent his head to kiss her again, and for a while völvas and visions and offerings were forgotten as they came together in the beauty of the grove and their shared love.

Chapter Text

Sometime later, Pelle awoke to Dani shivering. “Are you cold, älskling?” he asked, casting around for clothes to cover her with.

“A little,” she said, snuggling closer to him.

He looked around the grove until he spotted the sweatshirt she had borrowed. He reached out a long arm to grab it and passed it to her. She slipped it on over her head and laid back down, resting her head on his chest.

"You know, that’s the second sweatshirt of mine you’ve stolen,” he said. She glanced up at him and grinned. “I’m pretty sure there’s another one I never got back,” he added teasingly.

She gave a small laugh. “Yeah, at first, I meant to give it back. But before I had a chance, I… well I changed my mind.” She shrugged with embarrassment. “I slept in it a lot this spring after…” She trailed off, remembering for a moment, and then added in a sad whisper, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” he replied.

“Pelle, I’m scared,” she said in a near-whisper. He could hear the fear in her voice, feel it in the tension in her shoulders.

“What? Why?” he asked, surprised at her statement, but tightening his grip on her and scanning the grove for the threat.

“This place scares me,” she said. “I don’t know what’s happening to me here. The dream… or vision… or whatever. And I never told you, but when I was lost in the woods, before we got here, I saw her – Eirunn. I was following her, and I lost sight of her. That’s when you and Ingemar found me.”

“I didn’t know you remembered any of that,” he said.

“Bits and pieces.” She looked up at him with an embarrassed half smile and said, “I remember throwing myself at you when you found me.”

He grinned down at her. “Best part of my day.” He kissed her forehead and then asked, “What else do you remember?”

She shook her head, “Not much, but enough. I know something happened with me and Ingemar. I remember I gave him some kind of vision, but I don’t know what. I keep trying, but it’s like it’s locked behind a door I can’t open.”

He nodded, secretly relieved. He knew if she could remember everything, she wouldn’t be laying quietly in his arms right now. And the dream she had last night was even more terrifying to one who understood its implications.

He tried to reassure her. “It’s okay, Dani, it wasn’t bad. He told me it made him happy, gave him peace.”

“That’s good,” Dani sighed. She knew he wasn’t telling her everything, but just now she didn’t want to know any more. “I wish I felt the same.”

He hugged her tighter. “You’re safe here, Dani, I promise. No harm will come to you; I swear it on my life.”

“There’s more…” she whispered.

More? he thought, stomach dropping. What the hell is happening?

“I don’t know how to explain it, Pelle,” she started, “but I feel you. Not physically, I mean. I can feel what you’re feeling. Which made what we just did… amazing.” She shook her head in awe but continued. “I know right now I’m scaring you. I can feel it. And I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Whatever is happening to me is scaring the hell out of me too.” She was speaking fast now, trying to explain what she didn’t understand.

“And when I look into your eyes, or really anyone’s, it’s like I can see who you are at your core. Not the person you present to everyone else, but you, the real you.” Her eyes met his then, and he saw her pupils flex as she probed deep into the depths of him. He felt vulnerable and exposed.

She caught it and smiled, saying, “Don’t worry. I like what I see.”

He gave a strained laugh and said, “Oh, good.”

She bit her bottom lip nervously and asked, “Is this… is this how you see? Hårgans, I mean? Is this normal here?”

He wanted so much to tell her yes, this is normal, and there is nothing to worry about it. But he couldn’t lie to her. “No, Dani, I’ve never heard of anything like it.”

She nodded sadly, “I figured, but part of me hoped.” Her face fell a bit, and he lifted her chin with his hand to bring her eyes back to him.

“But I think it’s amazing,” he said, voice full of awe and wonder. “I’ve always known you were special, Dani, that you belonged here. This place is waking something up in you, something that was probably there all along. I don’t know what it is or what’s going to happen with it, but I can promise you that I’ll be here with you all the way, no matter what that looks like. And not just me.  Siv, Hanna, the whole family. You won’t be alone. We’ll walk through it with you.”

A genuine smile crossed her face, and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Her emotions were still raw, but her voice was full of relief when she said, “Thank you, Pelle. I mean it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He kissed her and said, “And you’ll never have to find out.”

She laughed appreciably and nodded, wiping the stray tear from her face.

Struck by a sudden curiosity, he asked, “When did it start? This ability to see people?”

Dani let out a sigh and said, “With Ylva, I think, at the… at the Attestupan. I felt all these emotions come over me, and I felt her make the decision right before… right before…” She shuddered.

“And then after,” she continued, shaking off the memory of Ylva’s death. She hesitated, tracing circles around his navel mindlessly. “When you said, ‘Does he feel like home to you?’  I saw you, like I’d never seen anyone before. I could feel everything you felt – fear, devotion… love.”

She paused as he tried to absorb what she was telling him. He remembered that moment, his desperate need to make her understand, his repeated silent prayers for her to stay. She had felt it all, and she had stayed.

Green eyes turned to him, and she said frankly, “You feel like home.” She kissed him tenderly, feeling the relief flooding his body, washing away the confusion. And under it all, a deep abiding love.

-------

Pelle woke her early the next morning with a kiss on the lips. He hated to wake her; he knew she hadn’t slept much the night before. But it was time. She opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him.  

“Good morning, älskling,” he said. 

“Best alarm clock ever,” she sighed, kissing him again. She glanced at his phone to see the time. It was just after 5am. “But why are we up so early?”

He smiled sheepishly, “In all the excitement last night, I forgot to tell you that Siv wanted you to have breakfast with her at the Queen’s House this morning.  She has more information about Eirunn to share.”

“Really?” Dani said excitedly.  “That’s wonderful.  But for the love of God, man, how early does she eat?”

“Not for a couple of hours,” he admitted. “But I know you can’t eat when you first wake up, and I figured you’d want to feel composed and ready before you met with her.”  And, he thought to himself, I couldn’t wait to kiss you again.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely.  “Can I still find coffee at this hour?” 

“Grandma Irma and her kitchen staff will already be up baking bread for breakfast.  They’ll have coffee ready.”

She stretched her body in one big motion, arching her back. She still wore his sweatshirt, but the rest of her was still naked.  She saw him staring at the place where her legs met. She grinned, parting them slightly, and said, “I can wait a bit for coffee.”

He didn’t answer, but instead put his mouth on hers, making love to her one more time before the days’ events threatened to rip her from his arms forever.

------

Dani and Pelle walked to the kitchen together quietly, hands linked, to find coffee for her and breakfast for him.  When they walked in, Dani yawning hard enough to crack her jaw, Grandma Irma smiled at them, winked at Pelle, and loaded up one plate and two mugs of coffee nearly white with cream.

They sat together in the back of the kitchen rather than risk being seen at the tables out front. Dani would tell Christian today, and then they could be together openly. But she was kind-hearted, and she wanted to tell him herself in private, rather than having him walk in on them together. They talked casually about the day ahead, carefully avoiding any mention of choices made, conversations to be had, or the fallout that would come.  They were content just to hold hands and share soft, quiet kisses that would lead to more… later.

Hanna walked in a couple of hours later to find Dani sitting in Pelle’s lap, dozing quietly on his shoulder.  She raised an eyebrow at her brother, and he shrugged, grinning with obvious joy.  “Siv is ready for Dani,” Hanna said.

Pelle tilted Dani’s head up and kissed her eyelids one by one and then her mouth.  She woke up smiling and asked, “Is it time?”

“It is,” Hanna answered. 

Dani looked up at Hanna in surprise but just smiled sheepishly at her friend and shrugged. Hanna smiled back at her, pleased to see her so happy.  Dani wrapped her arms around Pelle’s neck and asked, “Will I see you at lunch?”

“Yes,” he said softly.  “If not before.”

She nodded seriously.  “It’ll be done today. This morning if I can.”

He kissed her gratefully, and she got up, stretching and yawning still from the sleepless night.

Grandma Irma came in with a fresh mug of coffee and handed it to her, saying, “To get you to the Queen’s house.” 

“God bless you, Grandmother,” she said with feeling.

Grandma Irma pinched her cheek.  Casting one last glance at Pelle, Dani said, “All right, lead the way,” and she and Hanna left the kitchen. 

Grandma Irma looked down at Pelle with a grin.  “After all these years, Pelle, you’re still sneaking into my kitchen to steal sweets.” 

Chapter Text

“Good morning, my dears!” Siv greeted Hanna and Dani cheerfully as they entered the living room of the Queen’s house. They had passed through a bare, somewhat sterile, sitting room on the way in. The living room, however, was warm and cozy, with a heavily laden spread of breakfast on the coffee table. Grandma Irma had definitely been here.

“Good morning, Grandmother,” Hanna said deferentially. “Is there anything else you’ll need before I leave you two?”

“No, no, not at all. As usual, Irma has brought enough to feed a small army.” Siv laughed.

Hanna nodded and departed quickly, leaving Dani and the matriarch alone. While Pelle had assured Dani that she had done nothing wrong, she was still a bit anxious at being called into Siv’s presence.

“Please, my darling, sit,” Siv said, gesturing at a plush armchair across the table from her. “You are most welcome.”

“Thank you,” Dani said as she took her seat. Her stomach growled at the smell of the excellent breakfast, and she put a hand over it in embarrassment.

“I thoroughly agree, my dear,” Siv said kindly. “Breakfast before business.” Siv began loading a plate for herself, and, thus given permission, Dani did the same.

They ate in silence, sizing each other up. Siv intimidated Dani even more when she wasn’t speaking. The matriarch was older, but strong and beautiful, a woman of power amongst the Hårga. Her mannerisms were perfectly elegant, and she didn’t spill a drop of the delicious breakfast on her white dress. Dani felt shabby next to the older woman’s polish, and she did her best to emulate Siv’s bearing.

“Now, then, my dear,” Siv said when she had finished eating. “You continue your breakfast while I tell you a story.” Dani nodded and readied herself for what was coming.

“A long time ago, back when pagan worship was still common in this area, a völva came to visit Hårga. Do you know what a völva is, Dani?”

Dani nodded her head, “Yeah, I’m afraid I became a bit… obsessed… this spring, after…”

Siv nodded, understanding. “What do you remember?”

“A völva is a practitioner of seiđr, old Norse magic. Völvas specialized in healing and prognostication – that is, seeing the fate the Norns had late out for a person. The Norns,” Dani continued, “are like the Greek fates – three women who set a man or woman’s fate before they are born and fix the date of their death.”

“That’s right,” Siv nodded. “Völvas typically didn’t settle anywhere. They traveled from town to town, trading their arts for pay. However, when this völva arrived in Hårga, she fell in love with a young man and decided to stay.

“She was well respected amongst the community,” Siv continued, “and she had a daughter. As time went on, however, Christians moved into the area and took issue with the pagan ways of the Hårga. They attempted to convert as many Hårgans as possible, and when they found out about the völva… well, they burned her at the stake as a witch.”

Dani set down her plate at this statement and turned her full attention on Siv. The older woman smiled and nodded. “Yes, my dear, this was Eirunn. The story goes that while she was tied to the stake, she cursed the entire community to be visited by the Black One, calling on him to murder all the children as retribution for her death and the death of her as yet unborn child.”

“Oh, God,” Dani said, horror-struck as she imagined the scene.

Siv nodded and continued. “The Christians were terrified, and they locked themselves in the church, barricading the doors against the Black One, praying night and day for deliverance from their God.”

“What about the Hårgans?” Dani asked.

“They were locked out of the church in the hopes that the Black One would be satisfied with the pagan children and leave the Christian children alone.”

Dani shook her head darkly at this. “So wrong.”

“Yes, my child. It was.” She took a sip of her drink and went on. “Well, after nine days the Black One appeared. He presented himself to the Christians as a pagan who wished to be converted to their faith. And the Christians, never able to resist a convert, allowed him into the church. Before he was baptized, he offered to play his fiddle for them in gratitude. They accepted. He played, and the children danced. They danced and they danced, and the parents could not stop them. They danced until they began to drop dead, and still He played on. He played until morning, until all the children lay dead, and he disappeared with the light of dawn. The Christians fled from the church and from Hårga and were never seen again.

“And the Hårgans?” Dani asked.

“Their children were spared, not a one harmed. They burned the Christian church, swore to never give up their pagan ways, and cut themselves off from the outside world. We have been atoning ever since, and we have yet to be blessed with another völva.”

“Wow,” Dani said, sitting back in her chair. “And this was Eirunn? My Eirunn?”

“Yes, my dear,” Siv said, producing a large sheaf of paper with black calligraphy. “And here is your line to her, as researched and drawn up by Mats. She was your 10-times great-grandmother, a direct matrilineal connection.”

Dani leaned over the genealogy, tracing the bold black lines that traveled through the generations from the Hårgan völva to her today. “This is unbelievable…” she whispered.

“I assure you; it is all accurate and true. I would not tell you such otherwise.” Siv said kindly.

“But that would mean… I’m Hårgan.” Dani said in shock. “I mean, not really, because I wasn’t born here. But in a way, very distantly, I’m related to you all.” She looked to the matriarch for confirmation.

Siv was smiling. “Yes, my dear. There are many of us here who can trace our line to Eirunn’s daughter. Unfortunately, she left the family later, unable to bear the stories about her mother. But not before having two children of her own who stayed with the family.”

Dani continued to pore over the page, shaking her head in shock. “Unbelievable…” she repeated with wonder and amazement in her voice.

“Siv… Grandmother,” Dani started, blushing a bit, “Thank you for this. And thank Mats for me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this means to me.”

“You’re so welcome, my child,” Siv beamed. “I do have one more gift for you.” She pushed a large trunk towards Dani. “These were Eirunn’s things. We saved them for generations as proof that she was one of us, that the stories were real and true.”

Dani gave the matriarch a look of delighted surprise, and then she dropped to her knees and lifted the lid reverently. She expected dust and mold but was met with a simple pleasant mustiness – the smell of antique belongings well-kept and treasured. She pulled out first a large book, covered in black leather and embossed with a silver tree. She couldn’t read the language and showed it to Siv, asking, “Do you know what language this is?”

“Old Norse,” Siv said. “If you like, I can teach you to read it.”

“I’d love that,” Dani said excitedly.

She set the book gently aside and pulled out next three iron pieces that fitted together to form a large staff. The shaft was done in a spiral and the whole was mounted with a metal sculpture of a large tree. “Yggdrasil?” Dani asked Siv.

“I would think so,” she replied.

Various jars and bottles with long evaporated contents came next, followed by a dozen more books, all written in Old Norse. Lastly, she pulled out a blue and red robe, floor length and embellished with gold embroidery.

“Völvas were very well paid,” Siv commented, “and the towns kept them in finery to keep them coming back.”

Dani sat on the floor, fingers lightly tracing the gold embroidery. “This is what she wore,” she said quietly.

“Yes, my dear,” Siv said. “This would have been the robe she would wear to do her work.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Dani said, looking up at the matriarch. “This was what she wore in my visions… in my dream.”

“What do you mean, my child?” Siv cocked her head slightly to the side.

Dani looked deep into the matriarch’s eyes and saw care, concern, and a strong belief in her gods and their ways. She took a breath and made the decision to trust her.

“Things have been happening to me ever since I came here,” Dani said softly. “I’m having visions… dreams.” She told Siv about getting lost in the forests of Hårga, seeing Eirunn and following her; the vision she gave Ingemar; her ability to read people; the dream last night of the temple burning.

“Jävla,” Siv said, exhaling-inhaling quickly. She had gone pale as Dani told her of the temple vision.

“What is that?” she asked Siv. “I’ve seen other Hårgans do it this week.”

Siv shook off the chill and answered, “We do it to clear the unholy affekts.”

“What are unholy affekts?” she asked, breathing out and in quickly in mimicry of her.

“Unwanted feelings.  Anger, jealousy, fear. Anything that separates us from each other,” Siv explained.

Dani nodded, frowning. “Grandmother, I’m scared. Have you ever heard of this kind of thing happening?”

“Yes,” Siv said gently. “My child, these are the powers of seiđr, the powers of the völva. But there hasn’t been one here since Eirunn, until now. Until you.”

“Eirunn told me that last night,” Dani said wretchedly. “That I was brought here for a purpose, if I want it. But she said that I have to make choices this week, choices with terrible consequences.” She paused, giving Siv a shy smile. “I made one last night.”

Siv looked Dani over and said, “You do have grass in your hair, my dear.”

Dani blushed and put a hand to her head, feeling for anything that shouldn’t be there.

“Are you happy with your choice?” Siv asked.

Dani’s face began to glow from within. “So happy,” she sighed. “But I need to tell Christian today. I need to end it.” She looked down at her hands. “I’d say I need to do it right, but I’m afraid it’s too late for that. After I watched Pelle…” she choked on a sob she didn’t know was there. Her face turned to Siv’s, pleading for understanding. “I needed him, Grandmother.”

Siv knelt next to Dani on the floor and took her hands. “I understand, Dani, I do. I have known the kind of love you and Pelle share. It is not something that can be denied.”

Dani smiled and said, “I like you and Sten together.”

“And we like you and Pelle together,” Siv replied.

“He said…” Dani stopped, gathered her courage and said, “He said that whatever is happening to me, whatever it looks like, that he would help me. And that you would help me. Will you, Grandmother? Will you help me with this?”

Siv pulled Dani into a hug. “Oh, my child, yes, it would be my honor.”

Dani hugged her grandmother. I have a grandmother, she thought happily. And sisters and brothers and mothers and fathers and grandfathers.  For the first time in a long while, Dani didn’t feel like an orphan. 

Chapter Text

Later that morning, Pelle found Dani sitting cross-legged on her bed in the Summer House, alone. Her back was against the wall, and she poring over a thick piece of paper spread out on the bed in front of her. A large chest sat on the floor next to the bed.

“Hey, Dani,” Pelle said, walking over to her bed. “What’re you doing?”

“Waiting for Christian,” she said, frowning. “He’s been gone since this morning.”

He nodded solemnly, took a quick glance to make sure the Summer House was empty, and then kissed the frown off her face. He sat down at the other end of the bed from her and gestured at the paper laid out. “What’s this?”

She grinned, Christian easily forgotten in her excitement. “Check it out. Mats did my genealogy for me to show me my line to Eirunn.” She spun it around so he could see it. The tree was done in a thick, black calligraphy on creamy white paper. It was beautiful, a piece to be framed. She traced the lines from her name to Eirunn’s. “She really was my 10-times great grandmother,” she said proudly.

“That’s amazing,” he said, leaning over the page to read it more closely. 

“That’s not all,” she said, excitement building. “Siv gave me this chest as well.” Dani opened the lid, revealing the books, the staff, and the robe. She told him everything Siv had shared with her about Eirunn and the Black One. Her eyes sparkled as she recounted the story, and even though he’d heard it before, he loved listening to her tell it.

“Pelle, this dress… this is what she was wearing… in the forest and in my dream,” Dani finished quietly.

His face went blank with shock. “You’re sure?”

 “Yeah, I’m sure,” she replied. “I wish I wasn’t.”

 “Had you ever seen it before?” he asked.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s nothing like what I saw in the pictures.”

They sat in silence for a minute, both contemplating the gravity of what that might mean. Dani shook herself visibly, shedding the eeriness and coming back to the present moment.

“So, I guess your people didn’t burn her after all,” she teased. He was taken aback for a moment until he remembered the first night Dani told him about Eirunn and Lauren’s joke that maybe Pelle’s family were the ones who burned her at the stake.

He laughed a bit, still chilled by her vision. “No, we didn’t. Sounds like we really liked her,” he said, trying to match her playful tone. He touched the genealogy again lightly and then set his hand on the bed, fingertips nearly touching hers.

When Dani looked up from the paper to Pelle to answer him, she stopped short. For the briefest moment, she saw a crown of ferns on his head. She blinked several times quickly, and it went away. She shook off the vision, thinking, I must be going insane. 

Pelle was still looking over the genealogy. Her eyes traced the line of his jaw, his shoulder, the curve of his bicep. Images of their night in the grove flashed through her mind, and she could feel an ache starting low in her belly. She looked at his hand next to hers on the bed, and very gently laid the tip of her middle finger on the nail of his. It was broad daylight. Christian could walk in at any time, and she didn’t want him to find out this way. But she couldn’t resist this little bit of contact.

“Pelle,” Dani said softly.

“Yeah, Dani?” he answered, looking from their hands to her eyes.

“I told you last night, and I meant it. You are home to me,” she said softly. “But there’s something about this place, these people…,” she trailed off, looking out the open door to the festivities beyond. She turned back to him and said, “This feels like home too.”

His heart pounded in his chest, and his fingers closed together to squeeze hers. He leaned forward to kiss her. She was about to meet him halfway when two young girls ran into the Summer House shrieking and giggling, startling them like skittish horses.

Hanna followed behind the two girls and stopped to survey the interrupted scene. “I thought I would come and see if Dani would like to help us make lunch,” she offered.

“Of course,” Dani said brightly, turning away from Pelle to repack her new things.

“Dani…” Pelle said, reaching a hand out to her.

She spun on her heel, cupped his face in her hands, and kissed him quickly but thoroughly before running out the door after Hanna.

Pelle sighed, knowing far more than Dani what was coming after lunch. It was going to be a long day. He hoped she was still happy with her choice at the end of it.

Chapter Text

Dani did not see Christian until lunch that day. He had spent the morning interviewing Hårgans for his thesis. He didn’t ask where she had spent the night, and she was stunned and hurt by his lack of concern. Thoughts of long dead völvas were pushed to the back of her mind as she focused on the conversation she must have with him. She twisted her napkin in her lap nervously. She knew what she wanted to say, but she would not do it in front of others. And making polite conversation, while the task ahead and the guilt of her betrayal weighed on her, was torture.

Worryingly, neither Josh nor Mark came to lunch. She hadn’t seen Mark since yesterday, and Josh had already been gone last night when she snuck back into the Summer House to steal Pelle’s sweatshirt.

“Do you think Mark's still up with that girl?” she asked Christian.

“I wouldn't be surprised,” he said, barely acknowledging her unease.

“What about Josh though?”

“I'm honestly not too concerned,” he shrugged.

“Wow,” Dani said under her breath. With her new sight, she was seeing all of him now – the self-centeredness, the cold detachment, the gaslighting, his ambivalence towards her. More and more his selfishness repulsed her, and she fought the urge to just tell him now, in front of everyone.

Arne, one of the elders, stood at the head of the table, calling for the attention of the assembly. “We have something regretful to announce. This morning the 19th Book of Rubi Radr was found missing from the Temple. We don't want to point fingers, yet we kindly ask that whoever took it to return it to its original place. You can leave it in the Temple, which will be left unguarded, unwatched. Nobody needs to know it was you.”

Dani and Christian shared a shocked look at this announcement. Josh? she mouthed to him.

Christian shrugged and mouthed back, Who else?

They ate their meal in a tense silence, feeling the eyes of the elders on them. After they were finished, they and Pelle brought their plates to the washstand, and Arne asked with a sharp edge to his voice, “Where is your friend, Josh?”

“I know,” Christian said placatingly. “We have no idea.”

“He and your other friend, they both disappears the same day. You see how it looks?” Arne continued.

“Yes, obviously. But I swear to you we're in the dark on this. We're just as confused as you are.” He paused and offered, “We did see Mark go off with that girl last night.”

“What girl?”

“Inga,” Pelle answered.

“Yeah, but Mark wouldn't have done this,” Christian defended his absent friend. “Josh on the other hand, he came to bed with us and when I woke up, he was gone. And if he did take that book, I just pray you understand we don't associate as friends of his or collaborators or anything. We would just be so embarrassed to be connected to this in any way, shape or form.” Pelle and Dani watched Christian with matching looks of distaste as he abandoned his friend to save himself.

“Let's hope it gets returned,” Arne said meaningfully.

“I hope so too,” Christian agreed.

“I feel responsible,” Pelle said, offering himself up to take some of the pressure off Dani and Christian.

“Well, you and Odd, you can go looking for them,” Arne suggested.

“Yes,” Pelle agreed, nodding to Dani as he left to go search.

“Maybe you can redeem this,” Arne called after him.

Arne then turned to Dani and said in a commanding voice, “You are going with the women for the day's activity.” Hanna appeared at her elbow to guide her.

“I just need to talk to Christian first,” she objected as Hanna led her away.

“And Siv wants to see you in her house.” Arne gestured for Christian to follow him, ignoring Dani’s protest.

Chapter Text

Hanna led Dani to the bathhouse where all the eligible Summer women were getting ready for the big competition. After washing up, Hanna braided Dani’s hair and presented her with a white solstice dress embroidered with blue thread. Dani looked it over reverently and said, “It’s beautiful.”

“Just like you!” Hanna said, helping her into it.

“Thank you!” Dani said, blushing.

Karin placed a crown of flowers on her head and asked, “Ready?”

Dani nodded nervously and felt the flowers bounce around on her head. She straightened out her crown and nodded again, more carefully. Hanna pinned the crown to her head so it would stay securely.

Grandma Siv came into the bathhouse then and announced, “It’s time, my dears. Are you ready?”

The women cheered in response.

“Let us crown our May Queen!” Siv declared, and the women rushed out of the bathhouse, laughing and dancing their way to the may pole in the center of the village.

Two of the grandmothers were serving a pale-yellow punch to the competitors. Dani could see crushed herbs swirling in the bottom, and she eyed the beverage suspiciously. Great, more drugs.

Karin asked with concern, “You okay?”

“Mmm-hmm,” Dani mumbled.

“Okay?” Karin asked again, touching her arm.

“Okay,” Dani said with forced confidence.

“This is the big one!” Karin cheered, trying to get her friend excited. As they approached the head of the line and one of the grandmothers handed them a glass of punch, Karin instructed Dani, “Look into her eyes.”

“Um, can I ask what this is exactly?” Dani asked.

“It's tea for the competition,” Karin said nonspecifically.

“Uh-huh,” Dani said, feeling her suspicions confirmed, but she accepted the glass while meeting the eyes of the woman who served it.

“And then we drink it,” Karin said, giving an exhale-inhale. She nodded to Dani to do the same, and Dani exhaled and inhaled quickly. They drank their tea down in one gulp.

“Uh-oh!” Karin said teasingly.

“Oh, God,” Dani moaned.

“Here we go!” Karin said, taking her by the arm and running towards the maypole.

Dani saw the rest of the family seated on blankets nearby, ready to watch the competition. Pelle smiled warmly at her, enjoying the sight of her in her solstice dress and flower crown. His presence lifted her spirits, and she gave him a small wave.

As they waited for the competition to begin, Dani looked down at her feet, and she saw them turning to grass and sinking into the ground as the tea started to kick in. It reminded her of her trip in the meadow outside Hårga, a trip that had ended badly.  She thought about her panic attack, getting lost in the forest, the visions, and shook herself. She did not want a repeat experience.

Grandma Irma stepped forward then and made a long speech in Swedish. Dani had no idea what she was saying and looked at Pelle in confusion. He mouthed a single word, “Eirunn,” and she understood then that Irma was telling the story of her ancestor. Okay, that makes sense. The children danced till they died; I guess we dance till we drop. What does dancing look like in Hårga though?

Irma signaled to the musicians then, and the music started. Karin grabbed Dani’s hand and pulled her into a circle dance, lines of women weaving in and out of each other. She accidentally bumped in another dancer who fell to the ground. She wanted to stop and apologize, but Karin kept dragging her through the steps, and the other woman disappeared from her sight.

The leaves on the maypole swayed unnaturally in the breeze, and she could feel the beat of the music pulsing in her fingertips. As they spun around the maypole, she felt a whirlpool of emotions building. She was alternating between joy and panic, swirling through them as she and Karin whirled through the dance. She tried to find Pelle in the crowd, but the faces were all just a blur to her now.

The music stopped abruptly, and the women stopped together. Dani swayed unsteadily but stayed upright as another song and a new dance started. Through the chaos, Dani saw Maja fall and depart the field laughing. She joined the spectators as the other dancers continued.

The music stopped and started again, and the dancers changed direction. Dagny grabbed Dani’s other hand, and she clung to the Hårgan women, just trying to keep up with the constant changes. She heard a thunk as Inga hit the center pole face first, and Dani winced, seeing the blood come from Inga’s nose. Irma helped her off the field, and Jarl came to attend her.

On and on it went, stopping and starting, spinning and weaving. Dani’s head was awash with hallucinogens and emotion, dizzy from the whirling dances, and she could not find her center.  Women fell and were eliminated, as Karin and Dagny swept her along. Finally, Dani simply gave herself up to the dance, letting the waves of the music and movement carry her through the steps, buoyed by the laughter and love of the other women.

“Stop!” Irma shouted, and everything stopped abruptly.

“Atta!” she announced, and the Hårgans raised and fluttered their hands in the air in celebration. Dani, dizzy and hazy, looked around in confusion.

“You're so good!” Karin shouted to Dani.

“What does that mean?” Dani asked.

“Eight! Eight! There are eight left!”

Dani looked around and realized Karin meant there were only eight dancers left. She laughed joyously and turned to the crowd to see Pelle grinning at her with pride.

Christian had joined the spectators by now, but he was paying no attention to the competition. He was, as always, wrapped up in his own thoughts. Dani frowned at him and turned back to the competition.

They had reached Atta quickly enough, but the rest of the dance competition dragged on. By the end, the remaining three women were barely dancing; instead, they were swaying on wobbly legs, heads bobbing tiredly as they kept going. Dani had long since lost her grip on reality, and she was speaking gibberish to Karin, believing she was suddenly fluent in Swedish. Karin, however, understood her, and they laughed together as they danced.

Karin and Dagny collided suddenly and fell to the ground, leaving Dani standing alone, still dancing. The family surged to their feet, cheering, and rushed to surround her.

“What’s happening?” Dani asked as Irma took the flower crown from her head and replaced it with a much larger one.

“You are our May Queen!” Irma announced majestically.

“Me?” Dani asked, dumbstruck. She looked around, seeking an explanation.

“Yes!” Irma was laughing exuberantly now, and people were plucking at Dani’s elbows for her attention.

“Why?” Dani asked Irma, trying to focus on the older woman.

“You won!” Irma explained simply.

What is going on? Am I dreaming again? she thought, her drug-addled mind unable to seize onto what was real and what wasn’t. The family passed her from hand to hand, hugging her and congratulating her. Ingemar hugged her close and whispered in her ear, “Take care of him.”

She looked back at him in bewilderment, but before she could ask him what he meant, she caught sight of a familiar face – her father’s. She whirled around, head spinning precariously.  Her parents and Terri were walking through the crowd, wearing Hårgan solstice attire and flower crowns, alive and smiling at her. “Mom? Dad?” she called after them, turning to follow.

Suddenly Pelle was with her, and there was moment of peace in the swirl. “My gods, Dani! May Queen!” he said, surprised but so proud of her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her openly, staking his claim to her in front of the family. She leaned into him, taking strength and comfort from his warmth and solidity, but she was pulled away all too quickly and passed through the crowd again.

They put her on a small wooden circle with six protruding arms, and six Hårgan men lifted her into the air above their shoulders, carrying her away from the maypole. They were followed by the entire family, singing to her sweetly. She wobbled, but found her balance quickly, arms partially extended and feet staggered.

When she was stable, she glanced over her shoulder and saw Pelle not far behind her, gazing up at her with open adoration. Back in the field near the maypole, Christian stood alone, watching the Hårgans carry her away.

Chapter Text

The men carried Dani to the head of the supper table where a throne covered in leaves and flowers waited for her. The Hårgans each took their places at the table and waited for their May Queen to sit. Dani looked around the table at the people who had welcomed her, accepted her, made her one of their own this week. She was still lightheaded and doubtful of her own senses, but she straightened her shoulders, said a silent prayer to Eirunn, and sat.

As the rest of the Hårgans sat down, Dani looked at her throne, watching the leaves curling lovingly around her hands. It was as if even the plants of Hårga were welcoming her. She smiled down at them and thought, Hello. It’s nice to meet you too.

She looked up to see Christian finally join the table near the midway point, not making eye contact with her. His presence brought a frown to her face. This was her moment, something so wonderful she could never even have dreamed of it. Except you did, her mind reminded her. She shook off the thought and refocused on Christian, on her irritation. He was all but ignoring her, and his apparent disinterest wounded her. Maybe he’ll be eaten by a bear, she thought resentfully.

Siv sat across from her at the very far end, smiling beatifically over the gathering. Dani returned her smile and gave her attention back to the family that loved her. She picked up her knife and fork, and the meal began.

“Herring?” Hanna asked, coming up to Dani with a fish, still whole and in its scales, on a small plate.

“What for?” she asked.

“It's tradition. For good luck.” Hanna held the herring up by its head.

“And you must eat it whole,” Sten said, seated to her left. “But the tails go in first!”

Dani recoiled from the fish, saying “No, no…”

“You must try!” Sten encouraged, and Dani obediently opened her mouth.

Hanna lowered the fish into Dani’s mouth, tail first. But when the tails hit the back of her throat, she gagged and coughed it out.

“Very good try!” Sten said, laughing.

Dani shook off the strangeness of the herring and drank deep to wash the taste out of her mouth.

Arne, seated next to Sten, stood and raised his glass.  He was smiling at her now, this morning’s distrust evaporated by her crowning. When he had everyone’s attention, he toasted majestically, “To our May Queen!"

The family cheered, “Skål!”, drank from their cups, and resumed eating.

Dagny reached for her from her right side. She clutched Dani’s hand and said, “You are the family now! Like sisters! Yes?”

Dani nodded, overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from everyone around her. She looked for Pelle and found him a few seats down on her left. He wasn’t eating but watching her with a soft smile on his face and drawing in his sketchbook. She wanted to sit next to him, hold his hand, and take strength from his calm demeanor.

But Siv was talking again. “Now, it's traditional for the May Queen to bless our crops and livestock. And after the luck you just inherited from that salt herring, we should all be doubly encouraged.”

Behind Dani, several of the Summer women were pulling up a carriage that looked like something out of a fairy tale. It was bright yellow, hung with flowers and leaves, and large enough for four people. There was a single large rod protruding from the front that the women used to pull it. Siv gestured for Dani to stand, and she rose to her feet uncertainly.

“Can Pelle come with me?” she asked, no longer caring what Christian might think.  She needed Pelle’s strength now.

“Nej,” Siv responded flatly but not unkindly. “The Queen must ride alone.”

Dani nodded reluctantly and turned to face the carriage. A small girl walked ahead of her, dropping flower petals on the ground. Dani was reminded disturbingly of a wedding, and she hoped she wouldn’t be asked to do anything permanent.

Hanna approached Dani solemnly and handed her a torch. She led Dani to the carriage and gestured for her to light the torches mounted on the back. Dani lit the torches dutifully and then let Hanna help her into the carriage. She took one last look at the supper table, wishing fervently for someone to tell her what the hell was happening, and then the Summer women pulled the carriage away from the village center.

They brought Dani out into a field where a small hole had been dug into the ground. She got out of the carriage, and the women arranged themselves in a circle around the hole, lit torches held aloft. One of the women stepped forward with a bowl of grains which she poured into the hole. Another woman added a piece of raw meat, and a third cracked a raw egg over the top. The three women then covered the blessing with dirt, planting it into the ground. They stepped back into the ring.

Hanna came forward and stood opposite the buried blessing from Dani. She held a torch high and nodded to Dani. Dani took hold of the torch with her, and Hanna said, “Repeat after me.”

Hanna began to rotate slowly around the buried blessing, and Dani rotated with her, the torch serving as the center of their circle. Hanna sang a line in Old Norse in a clear soprano, and Dani repeated it in her alto. They continued this way through the song, Hanna giving Dani the words and the tune, Dani repeating it back to her.

As the song finished, the women rushed up to Dani, congratulating her again and telling her what a good job she had done. Dani was dizzy, from both the spinning and her own bewilderment, but she smiled at their praise and let them walk her back to the carriage.

------

Once they arrived back in the village, the carriage stopped near the Queen’s house. She stepped out, surprised to see no one else waiting for them. Two of the women pulled the carriage away while the rest ran off to the shade of the house and gathered on the grass, leaving Dani and Hanna standing together in lane.

“We shall go now to Siv’s house,” Hanna told her, and Dani took strength from her friend’s presence, no longer stilted with heavy formality. “It’s a special meeting, only for the queens, and she will bless you.”

Dani looked to her right where the Temple of the Rubi Radr stood. She could hear women singing inside, a rhythmic breathy chant. “What’s that?” Dani asked Hanna curiously.

Hanna shook her head, “That’s not for us.” Sympathy for her friend was written on her face, and the hair stood up on the back of Dani’s neck.

Dani turned and started walking to the temple. Hanna stopped her and said sadly, “I think you should not.” But Dani had hit her breaking point. She was done being ushered from one confusing ceremony to the next. If they didn’t want her to see it, then see it she must.

She strode purposefully toward the temple, pulling the flower crown off her head, feeling the dread grow in her stomach. The singing grew louder, more fervent, like a caricature of the sounds a woman in makes in the throes of passion. Dani approached the inner door, but she couldn’t bring herself to open it. She bent over instead and looked through the keyhole.

What she saw shocked her. A dozen Hårgan women stood naked in a horseshoe around a bed of flowers, on which Christian was screwing Maja. The women fondled their breasts, and they and Christian vocalized together as he approached his climax. Sickened by what she saw, Dani gagged and stumbled out of the temple, falling to her knees and vomiting in the lane.

Hanna was by her side in an instant along with the other former queens. Dani was gasping for air, panicking and sobbing. They lifted her to her feet and raced her to the Summer House, laying her down on a bed. Dani curled up in the fetal position as the panic attack took full hold. The women around her took her flower crown, petting her, and cooing over her, trying to comfort her.

Out of control now, crying, “no no no no”, Dani crawled off the bed and onto the floor on all fours. Hanna knelt in front of her, seizing her shoulders and forcing her to make eye contact. “Dani, look at me,” she commanded.

Dani looked at Hanna, still gasping for air.  Hanna began gasping and wailing with her. The other women clustered around them, and they began sobbing and crying with her as well. Dani matched her breathing with Hanna’s, allowing her friend to share her shock and revulsion, her grief and loss. They all screamed and cried as one until Dani was spent, having poured out her pain and anguish to her sisters, and they all collapsed together on the floor of the Summer House.

Chapter Text

Siv walked into the Summer House find Dani lying in the middle of the floor, wrapped in Hanna’s arms, surrounded by the other former queens. She smiled sadly at the sight, knowing Dani’s trials had only just begun.

“It’s time, my dears,” she said kindly to the group.

“Time for what?” Dani asked as Hanna helped her to her feet.

“The final ceremony of the day, and the most important of the festival,” Siv said majestically.

Dani groaned inwardly but tried to keep a straight face. She wasn’t sure she had another ceremony left in her today. What did they want her to do now?

“Come, Dani, let’s get you cleaned up.” Hanna tugged at her sleeve, and Dani meekly followed her to the bathhouse.

She was terrified she’d run into Christian on the way, but there was no one walking in the village but Dani, Siv, and Hanna. It was like the rest of the Hårgans had evaporated into thin air. “Where is everyone?"

“Waiting for you, my queen.” Siv responded.  She and Hanna both bore solemn expressions, and Dani’s stomach began to drop. Whatever was coming, it held none of the joy for them that the maypole dance had.

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the bathhouse. Dani washed her face with a cold towel, and Hanna tidied up her hair.  Then Hanna presented her with a light tank top and shorts, and she changed into them. There was no embroidery on this attire, and it looked more like old-fashioned underwear than festival wear.

Dani excused herself to the toilet to try to collect herself for a moment. While Hanna and the other women had comforted her, sharing her agony, it had not left her. She started to panic at the thought of having to face Christian again, but she breathed the way Siv had taught her – the quick exhale-inhale – and straightened her shoulders. Competing emotions warred within her, devastation at Christian’s betrayal, guilt over her own, and a sickening revulsion at his deflowering of a young girl, barely more than a child.

She emerged from the toilet, startled to find that two young men and Sten had joined them. The two young men held aloft what she could only describe as a pyramid of flowers. Multi-colored and garish, it was nearly as tall as Dani. Sten held a new flower crown with tall stems of woven blossoms that waved gently with his movements.

Dani swallowed hard, speechless. They were all smiling kindly at her, but she felt pity lurking behind their smiles, and an intense gravity that kept her from asking questions.

Siv beckoned her forward, and she approached the floral monstrosity slowly to find it opened in the back. Dani glanced at Hanna, who nodded encouragingly. She placed a hand on Dani’s back and urged her into the opening in the flowers.

It's a shroud.

The thought hit Dani like a freight train. It’s a god-damned funeral shroud!!!

Hanna and Siv were busy tying the laces from the base of her neck to the floor. Dani felt around inside, but there were no holes for her arms to go through. She was simply encased in flowers with no way out but down.

Sten stepped in front of Dani, said, “My queen,” reverently, and placed the massive flower crown on her head. Both the shroud and the crown were supported by wire, and the combined weight was bearing down on her nearly as heavily as her fear.

“It’s time,” Siv said simply. And feeling very much like a roast pig with an apple in its mouth, Dani followed her and Sten out of the bathhouse.

It was a short but silent walk to the entrance of the village. Dani could see the giant sun gate from a distance and the platform in front of it. The entire family was gathered between the two. At the back of the crowd, she saw what looked like scarecrows wearing rubber masks. Nothing surprises me anymore, she thought bitterly as they trekked up the small hill to the waiting villagers.

But as they got closer, Dani saw that the mask on one of the scarecrows, the one wearing a jester’s hat, looked an awful lot like Mark. The face was flattened without a bone structure underneath, but it was Mark’s face all right. Her stomach dropped again, and she strained to see the other scarecrows.

It's not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s just a joke, a sick joke, but just a joke

The Hårgans were so peaceful, so kind, so loving. She couldn’t imagine anything so disparate as murder here. She had a flash of the Attestupan, Evert swinging the mallet, and she blanched. Peaceful and loving, yes, but when it came right down to it, the Hårgans were capable of anything.

When the next scarecrow came into view, her worst fears were confirmed. It was Simon. Not a mask. Him. His eyes had been replaced by flowers and hay was sticking out of his mouth, but that was no scarecrow.

Connie’s body lolled next to his, wrapped in evergreen boughs and hair hanging down in wet strands.

Josh was next, head crushed on one side and the pages of a book stuffed in his mouth.

My god, they’re all dead!!

Horror struck Dani, cutting through her disbelief. What happened?!? How? Why? She felt panic sweeping through her, and her breath went shallow. She glanced around at her escort, but they’d left no direction for her to run. And with the weight of the flowers, she thought she’d only make it a few yards before she collapsed anyway.

She saw Christian, slumped in a wheelchair at the front of the group. She strained her eyes until she saw the shallow rise and fall of his chest. He was still alive.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Where’s Pelle? she thought, suddenly fearful for his safety. But he was amongst the family, wearing a massive crown of ferns on his head, a mirror to her own. He’s part of it, she realized in dismay, her stomach reeling to see him standing calmly in front of the bodies of his friends.

Hanna joined the family as they approached the platform, and the men helped Dani up the three steps with her massive attire. Siv loosened the laces of Dani’s shroud so she could sit in a large wicker throne, facing the assembled Hårgans. Siv arranged her shroud elegantly around the throne and then stepped back.

Dani watched, frozen in fear, as Ulla stepped in front of Christian and, one by one, opened his eyelids for him.

“Hello, there you are,” Ulla said to Christian. “Listen. You can't speak. You can't move. All right? Good.” Ulla took her place next to Christian, waiting with the others.

What did they do to him? What are they going to do to me? Dani thought frantically.

Sten stepped forward and announced, “On this, the day of our deity of reciprocity, we gather to give special thanks to our treasured sun. As an offering to our father, we will today surrender nine human lives.”

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod

Dani, overwhelmed now with terror, held up by wire and flowers, gripped the arms of her throne and prayed it would simply be over quickly. There was nowhere to run, even if she weren’t weakened from drugs and heat and lack of sleep. She was going to die here.

“As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives,” Sten continued. “Thus, for every new blood sacrificed, we will dedicate one of our own. That is four new bloods, four from Hårga, and one to be chosen by the Queen.”

Sten gestured to Dani at that, and what little strength she had left mutated into silent horror.

“Nine in all to die and be reborn in the great cycle. The four new bloods have already been supplied.” Sten gestured to the bodies of Simon, Connie, Josh, and Mark.

“As for our end, we have two already dedicated,” he gestured to the final two scarecrows, one wearing Dan’s face and one with what was left of Ylva’s, “and two who have volunteered. Ingemar and Ulf. You have brought outside offerings, plus volunteering your own bodies. You will today be joined in harmony with Everything.” Ingemar and Ulf stepped forward, wearing their own shrouds of pale gold.

Ingemar?? Dani had just enough sanity left to catch the name of Pelle’s brother and best friend. What the fuck is going on here?!

“And to Pelle, who has brought new blood and our new May Queen, you will today be honored for your unclouded intuition.”

Pelle met her eyes, his face glowing with pride and love for her. She could barely feel him through her own terror, but she caught a wave of remorse and fear for her. You did this, she thought clearly. You brought us here to die. She turned her face away from him.

“And so, for our ninth offering, it is traditional that our fair Queen shall choose between a preselected new blood and a specially ordained Hårgan.” Sten gestured to Mats, who stood before a large round wire cage with balls inside. He began cranking the handle to turn the cage, and the balls rolled merrily until one popped out a small shoot, rolled down, and landed in small wire circle. He handed the ball to Sten, which Dani could see was printed with a single rune.

“Turbeyon. Honorable Turbeyon! Please step forward,” Sten announced. A brown-haired man Dani had seen but not met stepped forward without hesitation.

“And Christian Hughes.”

Ulla rolled Christian’s wheelchair forward to sit next to Turbeyon.

“These are the candidates for the ninth and final offering. We patiently await your verdict.” Sten then turned to Dani, and the entire village waited for her to speak.

If Dani had had any tears left in her body, she would have wept. Waves of revulsion swept over her, and cold sweat soaked her borrowed underwear. How could she choose someone to die? How could she not? Siv had said this was their most important ceremony of the festival. What would they do to a May Queen who refused to choose? Dani could only imagine, and she swallowed those thoughts hard.

Steady, now, she told herself. Sten said this was the final offering. Maybe you’ll get out of this yet.

Yeah, right, said what was left of her rational mind. Like they’re going to let you go after this.

They were all still waiting. Dani, seeing no way out, looked at Turbeyon. She didn’t know this man, other than to know he was a member of a community who still practiced human sacrifice. She was repulsed, but she also knew that this was normal to him. If he hadn’t been out of the village on pilgrimage, if he had been raised in this, it would seem just a normal part of life. He met her eyes, smiled and nodded. Yes, he would go willingly if I asked him.

She turned then to Christian, her boyfriend of nearly four years, who had been there for her and not been there for her during the worst moments of her life. A man she had betrayed with his own friend. A man she intended to leave. A man she had last seen committing statutory rape of a minor, violating the last trust she had in him. Dani spared a quick glance at the minor in question. Maja looked radiant in her solstice white, skin glowing around bright red lipstick, triumphant. Okay, so she was willing. But 15 is 15, and fuck, what is wrong with these people?!?

She looked back to Christian, meeting his eyes. Muffled sounds came from his frozen mouth as he tried to cry out to her. His eyes begged her for mercy, pleading with her to spare him. A wave of emotions swept over Dani – horror, pity, fear, shame, faded love, grief, and rage. There was nowhere for her to run, no one to turn to. She was alone.

“My queen?” Sten prompted, leaning down and whispering to her.

Dani took one last look at the man who had accompanied her into hell, and, believing in her bones that he would die whatever she chose, closed her eyes and took once last chance at saving herself. “Christian Hughes"

------

Dani lurched along, leading the assembly to the bright yellow temple at the end of the field. The laces of her shroud had been retied, and she was pouring sweat with the stifling heat and the effort of moving at all. The men had already carried the bodies of the offerings into the temple and placed them on hay bales inside. She had watched in disgust as Pelle himself brought Connie’s body in a wheelbarrow.

Christian, now folded inside the hollowed-out carcass of a bear, was carried in by two strong men and placed on a bale directly in front of the door. Dani met his eyes one last time, empty now but for abject terror, and prayed silently that whatever they had given him would keep him from suffering.

Ingemar and Ulf walked willingly into the temple and took their places. Men wearing red hats with horsehair covering their faces followed them with torches. She heard one make a pronouncement in Old Norse, and then the bales were lit. The red hat men emerged from the temple and shut the doors behind them.

The fire spread quickly through the dry hay, and it was only a minute or two before they saw flames licking the outside of the building. Ulf began screaming, and as if on cue, the Hårgans began screaming with him. Freed from the need to feign composure, Dani began gasping for air, the horror of it all seizing her now that the choice was made and the temple burning. There was nothing left in her, but her stomach heaved over and over again, trying to repel the smell of roasting flesh.

She tried to run, but the weight of the flower shroud made it impossible to do more than stumble a few steps. The Hårgans were out of control now, screaming and wailing, weeping and rolling on the ground. Dani saw Pelle on his knees, pouring out pain and grief. Her stomach heaved again. She started to fall, but the shroud choked her, and she forced herself back upright.

Dani turned back to the fire temple then and watched the last vestiges of her old life burn to the ground.

Josh, dead.

Mark, dead.

Christian, dead, and God forgive her by her own choice.

Terri, dead.

Her parents, dead.

Bereft and grief-stricken, exhausted and sick, Dani could do little more than watch the yellow building fold in on itself, sending sparks shooting into the sky, the fire reducing them all to ash.

Inside of her, something snapped. She thought she heard Pelle say her name, but she ignored him, transfixed by the heat of the fire radiating over her, burning it all away. Everything that had weighed her down now was gone.

Terri’s illness.

Fear and longing for her parents.

Mark’s unending misogyny.

Josh’s condescension.

Christian’s callous disregard.

She was free of it all.

Behind her the Hårgans wailed and wept and grieved together. With her. With those who had sacrificed themselves. With each other. Dani looked over the family. My family. And as she turned back to watch the fire burn out, peace swept through her like a cool breeze and a radiant smile crossed her face.

Chapter Text

As the chaos of the fire temple began to wane, Pelle tore his eyes from the blaze – from Ingemar and the loss of his brother and best friend – and watched his May Queen turn back to the family. He waited to see her reaction. He expected grief, anger, disgust, fear. What he didn’t expect was for her to simply collapse like the fire temple itself, crumpling to the ground under the weight of her flowers.

Pelle and Siv rushed forward as one, Hanna not far behind. Dani’s face was white, bloodless, and she wouldn’t respond as he shook her and called her name. Jarl raced up to her and checked her pulse.

“Get this off of her,” he ordered Hanna, gesturing at the floral cage she was trapped in.

Hanna and Siv worked fast undoing the ribbons of the giant cage of flowers while Pelle pulled the crown off her head and tried desperately to wake her.

“Cold water. Towels,” Jarl barked, and Evert and Karin rushed off. Hanna and Siv got her out from under the heavy shroud, exposing her sweat soaked undergarments, and she began to shiver in the hot summer air.

“Dani? Dani!” Pelle called, frightened by her appearance. Her skin was soaked with sweat and hot as with fever, and she barely lifted her eyes when Jarl forced water down her throat.

“Shock?” Siv asked Jarl.

“Ja,” he said. “And heat stroke. We must get her out of the sun, cool her down, but slowly. We can’t risk shocking her system.”

“Take her to the Queen’s house,” Siv said, and Jarl reached to pick her up. Pelle stopped him though, and gathered her into his arms, following Siv to her house.

As they entered the front room, Siv turned to Hanna and said, “Close up all the windows. Turn on the air conditioning.” Pelle didn’t know there was air conditioning anywhere in the village, but he was grateful for Dani’s sake.

She turned to Pelle and said, “Follow me.” He followed her through the front sitting room, into the living room, barely sparing a glance for anything but the woman shivering in his arms. Siv turned left and led him into a small bedroom. “On the bed, Pelle,” she said kindly when he hesitated to release her.

Reluctantly, Pelle laid Dani on the small bed. Jarl pushed him out of the way and laid a hand on Dani’s forehead.

“Jävla,” he muttered in Swedish.

“What? What is it? Will she be okay?” Pelle pleaded.

“Shh, shh,” Siv tugged at his arms, pulling him away from the bed and out of the small room as Hanna rushed in, asking Jarl in Swedish what he would be needing. Pelle whirled to Siv and pleaded, “Please, Grandmother, will she be okay?”

“We must let Jarl work, my boy. He knows what he’s doing,” she answered. “Dani is strong. We must have faith in them both.”

Siv tried to get Pelle to rejoin the family as they went about the business of gathering the ashes of the fire temple, but he refused to leave Dani. He wouldn’t sit either, but paced around the living room, wanting to do something, anything to help.

The dark of night had passed when Hanna and Jarl finally emerged from the bedroom, dripping wet from buckets of cold water and cold towels. Pelle drew himself up straight, bracing for the news.

Hanna burst into a grin as Jarl announced, “The fever has broken; the danger has passed. She’s sleeping now, but she’ll be all right.”

Pelle nearly collapsed with relief, and Siv clapped her hands enthusiastically. “Well done, my dears, well done!”

“Can I see her, Jarl? Please?” Pelle asked, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice.

Jarl looked to Grandmother Siv, who nodded her approval. “Just for a minute, Pelle. She needs to rest. She may not wake up; that’s to be expected. Her body is recovering now, understand?” Pelle nodded and followed Hanna into the room.

The floor was awash with water, and the little bed was soaked. Hanna was already bringing in fresh towels and linen to make her more comfortable. Pelle lifted Dani carefully from the bed and sat in a chair in the corner with her in his lap while Hanna changed the linens and soaked up the excess water. Dani was no longer shivering, her temperature was normal, and her breath came in soft whooshes instead of ragged wheezing. Pelle clutched her tightly to his chest and poured out his heart in Swedish, knowing she could neither hear him nor understand.

Hanna laid a hand on his shoulder when she was done, giving him a tender look. She had heard most of what he had said and was touched by his love and his grief for their May Queen. He smiled weakly at her, too exhausted to be embarrassed.

“She needs her rest now, Pelle,” Hanna said gently. He nodded and carried her back to the bed, laying her down and tucking the blankets, now clean and dry, around her tenderly. He placed a soft kiss on her lips. Her eyelids fluttered open briefly, and she whispered, “Pelle?” before sliding back under, into her dreams where he could not follow.

Hanna led him out of the small room, and he glanced over his shoulder to see her one last time before he left the queen’s house, back into the bright night of summer.

Chapter Text

Run.

That was the first coherent thought Dani’s mind presented to her when she woke up the next morning. She was groggy and dehydrated, still smelling the burning flesh of the night before. Her throat ached from screaming, and she was shaking with hunger.

Her eyes snapped open, and she looked around to see if the others were still sleeping. But she wasn’t in the Summer House. She was in a small bedroom alone, laying in a narrow bed. Her solstice dress was hanging on the wall, fresh, clean and ready for new horrors. There was a small nightstand next to the bed and a mirror on the wall. Heavy curtains were pulled shut on the bedside window. Beyond that, it was as bare as a prison cell.

“I suppose they wouldn’t give me a window if I were in prison,” she muttered under her breath, checking quickly to see if there were bars just in case. There weren’t. She slowly eased into a sitting position. Every muscle in her body ached, and her joints were stiff as rusted iron.

As if sensing Dani’s awakening by magic, Hanna popped into the room. “Good morning, Dani! How are you feeling?” she asked brightly.

A little too brightly, Dani thought uncharitably. She managed only a groan in response though.

“Would you like water? Or coffee?” Hanna offered.

“Coffee,” Dani said in a sigh, and Hanna bustled back out to get her some.

Dani was still wearing the cotton tank and shorts from under her flower gown yesterday, stiff with sweat, and when she rubbed her face, her hands came away smeared with ash. Hanna had just walked in with a mug of coffee and a basin of water when Dani started retching. Dumping the water out of the basin quickly, Hanna thrust it to Dani just in time for her to vomit out the remains of the water Jarl had forced on her yesterday.

Siv rushed into the room at the sound, and Dani’s stomach turned itself over again and again, trying to rid her body of the memories of the day before. The peace she had felt after the fire yesterday had evaporated in the night. Siv knelt on the floor next to her, holding her shoulders and repeating, “Oh, my poor dear,” as Dani gasped for breath.

“It’s all right, my darling, it’s over now,” Siv reassured her as she recovered. But Dani thought, it’s not over. Not even close. It had just begun.

------

Hanna took Dani to the bathhouse to get cleaned up, and Dani scoured her skin until it was red trying to remove the smell of roasting flesh. But for all she scrubbed with the delicately scented soap, she could still smell it. She imagined she’d smell it for the rest of her life

Weakened from the heat stroke, shock, and lack of food, she stumbled on the path alongside Hanna, leaning on her for support. Try as she might to be angry with Hanna, she couldn’t help but feel comforted by her friend’s presence. Hanna had been with her throughout everything, sharing her pain and her fear and her anguish. And she was here now, holding Dani up when she barely had the strength to stand.

They arrived back at the Queen’s house far too quickly for Dani’s taste. She had no idea what would be next, but after yesterday, she was still terrified that she would die here. And if she didn’t, she would have to live with what she had seen and done for the rest of her life. She wasn’t quite sure at this moment which option seemed preferable.

“Are you feeling better, my dear?” Siv asked as the two women entered the living room. Hanna gave Dani a quick squeeze and then left her alone with the matriarch.

Dani gave a small nod and looked at the massive breakfast laid out on the coffee table. “Irma brought us some breakfast. I thought we might eat together, just the two of us, and talk a bit this morning.” Siv gestured for her to sit.

Dani sat down and folded her hands in her lap to hide their shaking. She had no appetite and no idea what to say to Siv. The older woman poured her a cup of coffee, set it in front of her, and patted her knee.

“My dear,” Siv said sitting down across from her, “please believe me when I tell you the worst is over. There are no more Attestupan, no more offerings, no more sacrifices. Yesterday’s ceremony happens only once every 90-years. It will not happen again in your lifetime.”

Dani swallowed hard and asked the one question that had been on her mind. “Am I going to die?”

“Oh, no, no, no, my poor dear, no!” Siv rushed to reassure her. “You are our May Queen, a position of great honor amongst us. You are safe. I give you my word.”

Dani looked up at Siv with fear in her eyes. “How do I know that’s true?” She tried to read Siv, tried to delve deep into the matriarch to find the truth. But she was exhausted and at the end of her strength. She saw nothing but staid composure and the love of a grandmother.

Tears welled up in Siv’s eyes. “Oh, my poor darling, I am so sorry for everything you’ve been through this week. I know how terrible it must seem to you, growing up outside of Hårga as you did.”

Dani didn’t respond. She felt numb, sitting in the living room with the matriarch of a death cult, her coffee getting cold on the table.

Siv tried again. “Would it help you to know that the elders have approved for you to join the family, if you so choose? You are loved here, Dani, and wanted. And not just by Pelle, by the whole family.”

Family, Dani thought. A family who demands ritual suicide, who murders innocent people for their gods. What kind of family does that? The family that slays together stays together…

Siv sighed and reached over to a small table next to her chair, picking up a book with a red leather cover. She handed it to Dani and said, “Please, take a look.”

Dani took it from her and was surprised to find that it was a photo album. She opened to the first page, where she saw a young man and a young woman, posing for a picture with laughter in their eyes in front of a large Ferris wheel. She bent down to look closer, thinking there was something familiar about them, when it hit her. “This is you. And… Sten?” She looked back up at the older woman.

Siv smiled, “Yes. My name was Anne back then. I met Sten at school in London.”

Dani’s mouth hung open in shock.

Siv continued, “Like you, I was not born in Hårga. When Sten and I met, he was on his pilgrimage, looking for new blood to bring back for the Midsommar festival.”

“But… but you’re the matriarch,” Dani stammered.

“Yes, once I chose to become Hårgan, I was as much a part of the family as if I were born here,” Siv explained. “As you will be if you choose to stay.”

Dani began flipping through the album. There were more pictures of Siv and Sten in London, followed by pictures from a Midsommar festival – her first, Dani guessed.

She flipped to the next page to find a picture of Siv wearing a giant flower crown, laughing with other women. She looked up sharply. “You were the May Queen too.”

“Yes, my dear,” Siv nodded. “It happened for me as it happened for you. I came here as a new blood. I saw the Attestupan, and I was shocked, appalled even. Sten convinced me to stay for the week. I became May Queen, and he, my King. And when the week was over, I stayed.” She shrugged, smiling. “What can I say? I loved him then as I love him now. As Pelle loves you, and you love him.”

“Did you have to choose a sacrifice?” Dani asked.

“No,” Siv said quietly. “I didn’t have your burden.”

Dani thought for a minute, absorbing this new knowledge about Siv. She had come to Hårga as a new blood too, brought by a man she loved. Dani was struck by a sudden thought. “Did you have family you left behind?”

“I was an orphan,” Siv said simply. “Like you.”

Like me, she thought. But not like me. No one died because of you.

“How many people know this?” Dani asked.

“The elders, and you,” Siv answered. “Pelle doesn’t know,” she added, answering Dani’s unspoken question.

“Pelle,” she said, anger sharpening her voice, “he brought us all here for this. He knew what would happen.”

“He did not know everything, my dear. He did not know you would be May Queen, that you would be placed in such a difficult position.”

“He knew about Ingemar,” Dani retorted. “About Josh and Christian and Mark. He knew what I would see.”

“Yes,” Siv admitted. “He knew. And he worried. He worried so much for you.”

“Not enough to spare me from it,” Dani said bitterly.

“No, Dani, nor could he,” Siv stated bluntly.

Dani looked up sharply at that. “Of course he could have! He didn’t have to bring me here at all!”

Siv took a deep breath. “Remember, my dear, the Norns set our fates before we are born. We can fight it as much as we want, but we can never truly escape it.”

Dani was silent for a moment as she remembered Eirunn’s words. You’ve been brought here for a purpose. “Are you saying I was destined for this?” she asked Siv shakily.

“I believe you were destined for Hårga, that the spirit of Eirunn lives in you and was always going to bring you home to us,” Siv explained. “The experiences you have had this week are evidence enough of that. That you came now, during a 90-year festival, that you had to go through what you did, was simply… timing,” she finished.

Dani choked on a laugh. “Bad timing you mean.”

“Perhaps,” Siv relented. “Perhaps not. If you had come earlier or later, it may have been easier. Or harder. You may not have had Pelle to support you. Before he met you, he had been chosen to join Ingemar in the fire. Ulf took his place.”

“Pelle was supposed to be a sacrifice?” Despite her abhorrence of his actions, Dani felt sick again at the thought of Pelle in the temple. And Ulf... another victim of her choices.

“Yes, my child. He was made ineligible when he fell in love with you.” Siv said tenderly.

Oh, God, she thought, as she realized the full implications of the vision Eirunn gave her.  Pelle and Ingemar dying in the temple together while Christian held her back.

The blood left Dani’s face, and she swayed precariously in the chair. Siv skirted around the coffee table quickly and knelt on the floor in front of her. “Breathe, my child, breathe. It’s going to be okay.”

“How? How is it going to be okay?” Dani asked, tears choking her voice as the blanket of numbness slipped from her grasp.

“Pelle loves you, and you love him. We love you. Dani, my child, you are safe and cared for here. You are one of our own,” Siv cajoled.

Dani barely heard her, still horror-stricken with the weight of her choice and the urgency she’d failed to see. “If I hadn’t chosen him before yesterday, if I had decided I would stay with Christian or not made my mind up at all, would it have been Pelle instead of Ulf?” Her eyes pled for the truth.

“I honestly don’t know, my child,” Siv said, sighing. “Ulf was determined to be among the offerings. Some of his actions were weighing heavily on him of late, and he was eager to cleanse himself through sacrifice. But it would have been up to the elders, and Pelle was the original selection.” 

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she remembered how it felt to watch him die. Conflicted emotions raged in her chest, her love for him warring with her anger, disgust, and layered over it all a feeling of total betrayal. “All I can see now is him bringing Connie to the temple in the wheelbarrow. I can’t look at him the same way again,” she said sadly.

“Give it time, my dear,” Siv encouraged. “I have seen what lies between you two. Such a love cannot be so easily extinguished.”

Dani frowned doubtfully. “It’s a lot to ask, Grandmother.”

Siv smiled at the name. It gave her hope that Dani would come around. Siv was quiet for a moment, and Dani could see her considering what to say.

“Please, just tell me whatever it is. Tell me what’s coming,” Dani said plainly, without pleading.

Siv nodded, “It would be good for you to make peace with Pelle. On the last night of the festival, the May Queen and the May King are expected to mate in the fields to ensure the fertility of our crops and a bountiful harvest.”

Dani’s eyes closed and her head fell back, coming to rest on the chair. She felt hollow as she remembered what she had seen in the temple with Christian and Maja. Of course, she thought bitterly, just add on to the trauma pile.

“Dani, look at me,” Siv’s words were commanding, but her voice was gentle.

Dani opened her eyes and obediently looked at the matriarch. She tried to keep her face blank, but rage was burning in her eyes.

“Are you angry with him?” Siv asked.

Dani nodded slowly, the flames within her rising. “Oh, yes, very.”

“Good,” Siv said, surprising Dani again. “That means a part of you still cares. Hold on to that. Take your anger to him, and your hurt. He can bear it. And he can help you bear it.”

Chapter Text

She found Pelle working in the garden. His back was to her, and she approached him with growing purpose. She wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to quell her revulsion. She fanned the flames of her anger and took strength from the heat of it. It built in her stomach until it crackled and snapped, a raging inferno that could devour them both.

“You bastard,” she said quietly, standing behind him. For once, he hadn’t sensed her presence, hadn’t heard her steps. He was startled at the anger in her voice.

Pelle rose to his feet slowly, dusted the dirt off his knees, and turned to face her. “Dani, please…” he began.

“Please what?” she bit back.

Pelle looked at the villagers working quietly around them. “You have every right to be angry, Dani. Please, not here though. Will you walk with me?”

Personally, she thought he deserved a public thrashing, but she was still afraid of what they would do to a non-compliant new blood May Queen. “Fine, lead the way.” Her voice was dripping with a scorn and sarcasm he had never heard from her before.

Pelle nodded, and dropping his trowel, headed for the forest at the edge of the village. Dani followed behind him, and he could feel her eyes burning into his back. He tried to organize his thoughts, rehearse the speech he had planned for just this moment. But the fire of her anger flickered at the edges of his mind, and all he could think was I’m losing her again.

He led her up the narrow path into the forest, climbing up and away from the village. They needed privacy for her to vent her feelings, for him to try to begin to make things right. He’d take her back to the grove where they had made love. He hoped the memory of it would soften her.

Blinded by rage, she hadn’t paid attention to their direction. When Pelle led her into the grove where they’d spent the night, her stomach turned over and threatened to expel the coffee Siv had coaxed into her this morning. She fell to her knees, gagging, and Pelle rushed to her side. She held out a hand, stopping him in his tracks, and she exhaled-inhaled over and over again, forcing her stomach to settle until she could breathe normally.

All but breathing fire now, she stood back up and turned to face him, fists clenched at her sides, burning with unrepressed fury. He blanched at the look on her face and burst out, “Dani, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?” she shouted. “You’re sorry??”

He flinched at her anger.

“Sorry for what? For bringing me to the Murder Festival at Death Village? For killing my boyfriend and my friends?”

He opened his mouth to interject, but she shut him down. “Oh, you may not have killed them yourself, but you knew damn well what was going to happen when you brought us all here! You knew all along! All this time you were pretending to be their friend, pretending to care about me, and you knew you were bringing us all here to die!”

“Not you, Dani. I never pretended with you.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she threw at him. “I’m special so I’m just supposed to forget all the rest?”

“No, of course not, älskling…”

“Don’t call me that!” she screamed.

“I’m sorry…”

“You knew. You knew what I would see at Attestupan, and you didn’t warn me. You knew Josh and Mark would be murdered as offerings. You knew I’d have to pick Christian to die,” she choked on his name, “and you knew what it would do to me. But you did it anyway, you fucking murderer!” She stopped then, breathing like a steam engine, hot tears streaming down her face.

He wanted to take her into his arms and comfort her, but her entire being was poised against him. “Dani, what can I do?” he asked lamely.

“Do?!” she asked incredulously. “You don’t think you’ve done enough already?”

“Please, alsk... Dani. How can I fix this?” he asked, desperation starting to creep into his voice.

“Bring them back,” she said acerbically, but she felt the fire inside her start to wane in the face of his repentance. She fanned the flames as hard as she could to keep it burning.

She was crying in earnest now, sniffing hard and wiping away her tears with angry motions. “And Ingemar? You knew about him too, didn’t you? And you did nothing to stop it!”

“Dani, it’s our way. It was his choice. We would all do it for our family. I was supposed to go with him,” he kept his voice soft, soothing.

She nodded rigidly. “Siv said that.”

“The elders rejected me when they found out about you. When I thought I’d lost you, I begged them to reconsider. I couldn’t bear it…”

“Don’t you dare put that on me!” she snapped. “And if you thought you’d lost me then, you have no idea how far gone I am now!”

“Dani, please, don’t say that,” he pleaded, reaching for her.

“Don’t touch me!” She stepped backwards, and he dropped his hands.

“Dani, let me explain.”

“How the hell are you going to explain this?” she asked. She was clinging hard to her righteous fury, but her voice was starting to shake. She was starting to shake. He could feel her anger slipping away, feel her clutching at it, the sole protection she had now from the shock and horror that threatened to drag her under.

“The ceremony, the offerings, it’s for my family.” She scoffed at that, but he continued. “We offer our lives to guarantee their peace and prosperity for the next four generations. Did Siv tell you this only happens every 90 years?”

She nodded but added, “Like that makes it any better.”

“It doesn’t,” he said, and that stopped her next stream of vitriol. She was shocked to hear him agree with her. “It’s a terrible thing, Dani, a terrible price to pay. But I did what I had to… for my family.” For you, he wanted to say, but he knew that would only make it worse.

“And you made me do it too,” she said, turning away from him, voice gone small with shame.

His heart broke as she spoke, hearing the self-hatred in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Dani, I didn’t know. I didn’t know you would be May Queen, that you would be put in that position.”

“Did you bring me here to die, Pelle?” she asked quietly over her shoulder.

“Gods, no!” he let out in a rush. “I brought you here because you belong here. You belong with us. You’re Hårgan. I knew it from the first moment I saw you. This is your family, your real family, Dani. I brought you here to bring you home,” he ended.

Her face was in her hands, and he heard a sob escaping from her. She half-turned back to him but would not meet his eyes. “Did you ever even care about me? Or was it all an act to get me to come here? To save yourself?"

He felt the bleeding start in his heart, split open now by her pain and fear and doubt. He moved to her side cautiously, not touching her but drawing close enough to see the tears on her eyelashes. He took a deep breath and placed his heart at her feet – one last offering.

“Dani, I loved you from the first time I saw you, and that’s the truth. I know you can feel it. Look into my eyes and see; I have nothing left to hide.” She tried to look, tried to feel, but all she could see and feel was her own shame.

“I thought of nothing but bringing you home to your family, to be loved and supported, and gods-willing mine,” he continued. “All I have ever wanted for you was peace and happiness.” He reached out a hand tentatively and touched a single fallen lock of hair.

She choked on a painful laugh. “Peace? What peace? I chose my own boyfriend to be sacrificed to some gods I don’t even believe in for a bunch of people I’ve known for 5 days. How am I supposed to make peace with that, Pelle?” she spat out.  She looked up to him and met his eyes. But beneath her anger, he saw a genuine plea; she was asking him.

He shook his head and answered honestly, “I really don’t know how we make peace with it. I don’t, Dani. But maybe we can figure it out together?” He opened his arms up to her and waited.

He said “we”, Dani thought as she stared at him, arms held out to her, inviting. She had done what she must to survive. In his mind, he had done what he must for his family. He may have brought the others here to die, but he was supposed to die with them. And yet here he was, and he had to live with that too. For a moment, Pelle-the-monster was gone, and Pelle-her-rock was there, offering her his love, promising to keep her safe.

She gave an almost imperceptible nod, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. As he held her, the fire within her died, and she broke down sobbing, soaking his shirt with her pain. He picked her up and carried her quietly to a large fallen tree. They sat side by side on it, his arms around her and her head buried in his chest. She balled up his shirt in her fists as she cried, and he wept with her, rocking her gently, trying to soothe the hurt he knew he had caused.

As her crying began to slow, she looked up at him and very gently wiped a tear from his cheek. “I’m so sorry about Ingemar,” she said softly.

“Me too, älskling, me too,” he said, hugging her closer as a fresh wave of tears streamed down his face. This time she allowed the name.

“That was the vision I gave him, wasn’t it?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Ingemar told me you showed him his end, that it was a good one, and that the people he loved would be cared for after he was gone. You gave him peace, älskling, when no one else could. It was a gift to him, not a curse,” he reassured her.

She looked up at him with eyes full of guilt and remorse and asked, “Could I have stopped it? If I knew, if I’d understood what my visions were telling me, if you’d told me, could I have saved them?”

The bleeding of his heart started again in earnest, and he pulled her roughly to him before his tears started to fall. “No, älskling, you couldn’t have stopped it. And if you tried, it might have been you instead of Christian and me instead of Ulf.”

She nodded miserably and said, “Maybe that would have been better."

His arms tightened on her and he said emphatically, “No. No, Dani. I could never have let that happen to you. Do you hear me?”

She didn’t say anything, just stared off into the trees, as she could leave her body now by sheer force of will.

“I’m so sorry, Dani,” he pleaded, terrified by the look on her face. “Please forgive me, I’ll make it right, I swear. You’re safe. I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again. I give you my word,” he was rambling now, begging for her mercy, for her love, for her forgiveness.

She came back to herself as he pleaded, snorting derisively at his last statement. “Your word? God, Pelle, you’re all I have left in the world, and I can’t even trust your word now.”

“I’ll prove it to you, Dani. You’ll see. I’ll spend my life proving it to you,” he promised.

She pulled away from him then, trying to find some stability in the wash of emotions that swirled around her. She stood up and began to pace, wrapping her arms around herself again, holding what was left of her together with her own two hands. He forced himself to let her go, to give her the space she needed.

She paced the grove for long minutes. He watched her quietly as she wrestled with her thoughts and emotions. She was adrift, angry and terrified. And yet, she stayed in the grove, fighting with him; fighting for them, he hoped.

She stopped in front of him and, staring off into the forest again, asked, “Pelle, I need to ask you about the fertility rite. On the last night.”

The change in topic took him by surprise, but he nodded. “Of course, my queen. What would you like to know?”

“Please don’t call me that,” she said, wincing. He nodded solemnly.

“As far as what I want to know,” she said, shaking herself and striving for detachment, “I think I know too much already.” She gave him a sideways grimace, and he smiled at her attempt at humor. “I mean, what do you think?”

She didn’t care what he thought, not really. He knew that. But he could only imagine how repulsed she was by the idea right now, and she wanted reassurance that it would be okay.

“The fertility rite has been performed at every Midsommar for as long as I can remember,” he explained. “It blesses the crops and ensures a good harvest. It’s a celebration of birth and new life. Particularly this year, when we’ve had so much death and sacrifice, this will be a beautiful affirmation of life, of living now.”

“Will it be like… like what I saw in the temple? With… with Christian and Maja?” Her voice cracked on the name, and more tears escaped her eyes.

Pelle shook his head, “No, it will just be you and me, alone.” Dani nodded despondently.

He paused, trying to find the right words to say. She was rocking back and forth, trying to comfort herself. To hell with it, he thought. All he had left for her was his love and the truth. “Dani, you have been my queen, my heart, since the day we first met. I love you more than I can say. I want to worship you and care for you as you have always deserved.”

He took a deep breath and continued. “But that’s not what this rite is about. It’s about this.” He swept a hand out wide, referencing all of Hårga. “It’s about the family, and our prosperity, and our future. On Sunday, it’ll all be over. And if you want, you can stay with us, be one of us, working in the garden, playing with the musicians, or learning with the children. And I will just be Pelle. No more king and queen. Just us.” Please stay, he prayed silently.

When she didn’t respond, he stood up and stepped in front of her, lifting her chin to force her to look at him. His voice was husky and low as he said, “I can’t tell you I don’t want this, that I don’t burn for you still.” She flinched at the word, but he pressed on. “That I won’t cherish every second with you. I am a man, and I am in love with you. But on that day, and every day after, I will do nothing without your permission. And when the fertility rite is over, I’ll put my heart away again, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.” His chest felt tight as she stood there in silence, thinking about what he said.

For a moment, memories of last night flashed in her mind, all the times she’d sought him out for comfort, found peace in his arms. She remembered what it felt like to watch him die. This was the same Pelle whose shirt she stuffed in her bottom drawer rather than return it, whose smell made her feel safe and happy. Who she had run to when everything felt wrong. Who had been the only one to really see her. The man she had chosen, before she knew everything.

She took a deep breath and sighed. “I loved you too, Pelle. More than I think you know.” She shook her head miserably, and his heart fell at the word ‘loved’. “But so much has happened, and I’m so lost right now. So lost, and so frightened.” Her voice was quiet as she began to turn into herself again, her shame and anger building in a bright core, readying to explode and destroy her. “I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m doing here. All of this, all of this, is at odds with everything I’ve ever known and believed in, and yet here I am! Why, Pelle? Why am I here?!”

Those fierce eyes flashed at him, demanding an answer. He had only one to give – because you belong to me. Instead, he asked, “Why are you here, Dani?” His voice was hoarse, dark with longing. He pressed his forehead to hers, wanting badly to kiss her, to spark that same desire that had consumed them last night, and burn away her anger in the flames of their passion.

“Because of you,” she whispered, voice edged with anger and desire. She leaned into him then, crushing her lips to his. The kiss was not soft or tentative. It was desperate, demanding. He felt tears slip down her cheeks again, tasted the salt. She pursued him with her mouth, her tongue, demanding answers, asking whywhywhy again and again wordlessly. His arms wrapped tightly around her, holding her steady. She threw herself on him, tossed and torn by the waves of her emotions. And he caught her, held her safe, unafraid of her passion and her fire.

She ended the kiss abruptly, and they both gasped a bit, shaken by the sudden separation. She pulled away from him, out of his arms. He could still see the rise and fall of her chest as she caught her breath. She let out a heart-wrenching sob as she doubled over, arms around her stomach. Her breath was coming in shallow gasps now, her uncontrolled emotions threatening to take her over again.

“I can’t do this, Pelle! It’s too much! Völvas and visions and sacrifices!” She drew in a long shaky breath. “It’s just too much!” she cried.

He reached for her again, but she took a quick step back, and he stopped. “Dani, please,” he pleaded.

She exhaled and inhaled quickly several times, steadying herself and pulling the pieces of her strength back together, rebuilding the wall that would keep her safe, keep her from him. He watched helplessly as she laid brick by brick, standing taller with each row.

When she had herself back under control, she straightened up fully, set her shoulders, and held her chin high. “I’ll do the fertility rite, and whatever else is asked of me this week. But I won’t stay. I won’t be yours,” she added coldly. She glanced down the path, to the village below. “I won’t be theirs either. I won’t be anyone’s but mine.” She turned her back and walked out of the grove, taking the pieces of his broken heart with her.

Chapter Text

As soon as she was out of Pelle’s sight, Dani bolted off the path, moving as quickly and silently as she could to a place where she could pause and gather herself unseen. What had she just done? Her hand touched her lips briefly, still feeling his kiss, before she shook her head violently to dispel the sensation.

As she half ran/half walked, pushing branches out of the way, she replayed the scene over and over in her mind, hating herself for her behavior. How could she kiss him after everything she had seen? The ashes of the fire temple weren’t even cold yet, and she was throwing herself at the man responsible for it all. Except she was the one who betrayed Christian and chose him for death. Nope, not thinking about that now, she told herself, slamming the lid closed on those emotions.

She stopped short on another thought. She would be expected to sit next to Pelle at lunch in a few hours, presiding over the festivities as May Queen and King, everyone knowing what she had done. How could she face him then? How could she ever face any of them again? She cast around looking for a hole to crawl into and die. No holes, but a flat-topped boulder underneath a large maple offered a seat and a temporary refuge while she sorted out her thoughts.

She thought again about what she had said at the last. “I’ll do the rite, and whatever else is asked of me this week.” Could she? Could she honestly let Pelle make love to her again after everything, her friends dead only a few days?

Oh, yes, she could do it, she thought coldly. Her faithless anatomy, still pulsating and wet, was more than happy to let him bed her anywhere. But could she live with herself?

And what would happen after the festival was over? He said, “if you want, you’ll be one of us,” but would they really give her a choice?

She thought briefly of Lauren; would she ever see her friend again?

He said he loved her. She had loved him before. Did she still love him? Did she even know him? Pelle, her rock? Pelle, the liar? Pelle, her lover? Pelle, her betrayer?

Did he lie to you?

He lied by omission, clearly, but she was beginning to understand more and more the curious morality of the Hårga. She could see his fervent belief that he was doing all this for his family, that it was necessary, if distasteful.

And bringing her here – he believed he was bringing her home, to the family she needed so desperately. How could he see betrayal in that?

Could she reconcile herself to his beliefs? What would that mean for her? Had she gone insane? Is that so bad? she thought to herself wryly. She’d been working on her sanity for many years, and it hadn’t gotten her very far.

Her final words to Pelle came to her again, But I won’t be yours. And I won’t be theirs. I won’t be anyone’s but mine. They seemed like someone else’s words coming out of her mouth. Dani, always fawning, never fighting for what she wanted, never standing up for herself if she risked losing someone she depended on.

And yet, here, now, in the midst of this hell, she had risked whatever she had left with him to stand up and say, No, I will not be what you want me to be. The women of Hårga, and ironically Pelle himself, had been showing her all week that she was worthy of more. She could risk Pelle, because Hanna would there. Karin would be there. Siv would be there. She wasn’t alone. She had a family now.

Realization bloomed in her chest. This is what Pelle had been trying to tell her, trying to show her all along. His real gift to her. The truer to herself she became, the closer she moved to Hårga. Hårga had been inside her from the beginning, waiting for her to come home. She had belonged to them all long before she boarded a flight to Sweden.

A sob broke unexpectedly from her throat, as a long-buried hurt was unearthed inside her. Choking and gasping, a violent cry rose from her depths. A wound festering and rotten split open and shed her heart’s blood on the leaves of the Hårga forest. Unable to control it, she fell to her knees and struggled for breath, choking on exhaust, seeing the blood pump out with each beat of her broken heart.

Through the woods she heard feet crashing. She tried to call out but couldn’t get enough breath to speak. It didn’t matter. The feet were coming her way. Out of the line of trees burst Karin with a basket half-full of berries she was picking for tomorrow’s breakfast. She fell to her knees before Dani and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Dani, look at me!” she commanded.

Dani focused her eyes on Karin, unable to speak, only to sob. And she found Karin suddenly there with her, not there in the forest, but back in her parents’ house, watching the paramedics sort through the wreckage of her family. They screamed and wailed together, and as Dani matched her breathing to Karin’s, she felt the exhaust clear, and clean forest air rushed into her childhood home.

Their screams faded into background noise, blending with the sirens, and Karin held Dani’s hand as they walked around the house together. Dani saw her parents in their bedroom, rested her hand on each of their foreheads in turn, whispering goodbye. They slowly moved down the hall into her sister’s room, and she saw the shell of the body that was her older sister, her hero, her rock. She knelt down in front of her, and taking her hand, whispered softly, “I forgive you.”

Suddenly, she was back in the forest, Karin and she both on all fours, staring into each other’s eyes, silent. To an outsider, it would have been strange. To a Hårgan, not at all. Dani delved deep into Karin’s eyes, down to the core of her being. She saw love, acceptance, and a willingness to walk into the darkness with her regardless of the pain it might cause them both. She was not alone.

She sat back on her heels then and smiled at Karin, exhaustion etched on every line of her face. “Thank you,” she said with a deep exhale. “I don’t know what you did, or how to describe it, but thank you.”

Karin shook her head, smiling with wonder. “I don’t know either,” she said, “But you’re welcome. You’re family now.”

Dani did not respond as Karin helped her to her feet.

------

Dani helped Karin gather berries for the rest of the morning, only coming out of the forest just in time for lunch. It was a simple meal of bread, fruit, and cheese, a meal for mourning. She was relieved that no one offered her any tea with “special properties”. She did not see Pelle at lunch, and she wasn’t sure whether she was glad of that or not. Her anger towards him was the only light she could see.  She fanned the flames frantically, lest she be left in darkness.

She spent the afternoon with Hanna and several women making pine bough wreaths for upcoming festivities. Tomorrow she’d been told they’d be swimming out to the island in the center of the lake, carrying torches the whole way. As May Queen, she’d be expected to lead them, naked.

She turned to Karin and asked her, “Doesn’t it make you uncomfortable? To have to appear naked in front of the whole family?” She wrinkled her nose a bit at the thought.

Karin shook her head. “Oh no, this is my family. When you’ve shared everything, down to the deepest dark of your worst feelings, what is so bad about being naked?”

Hanna nodded agreement, “It’s no problem here for us. I’ve seen most of my brothers and sisters naked. It does not matter.” She waved a hand in the air as if shooing away Dani’s fears.

“Besides,” she added, “Pelle has already seen you naked.”

Dani’s cheeks flamed red at that. “What are you talking about?” she asked, shocked that Hanna knew.

Karin grinned at her, “There are no secrets in Hårga, Dani.”

Dani’s face fell, shame and regret sweeping over her. Karin reached out and squeezed her hand, smiling at her kindly.

Hanna’s face fell with Dani’s. “I know you are angry at him. I feel it,” she placed a hand over her heart, “I feel it here.”

Dani turned her eyes to the wreath in her hands. While she had come to enjoy the camaraderie of the women in Hårga, she didn’t think she’d ever get used to them reading her feelings all the time.

“Did he tell you how his parents died?” Karin asked.

The question surprised her, and she looked up and shook her head. “Just that they died in a fire.”

Karin nodded. “Pelle and Ingemar were playing in the hay loft, telling ghost stories by candlelight. They were very young, too young to understand how dangerous it was. The candle tipped and started the whole hayloft on fire.”

“Oh, my god,” Dani said, knowing where the tale was headed and not sure if she could handle any more death, even just in stories.

“They were still in the loft when it collapsed, trapped by the fire. Ingemar broke his leg, and Pelle refused to leave him behind. Pelle’s parents were among those who fought through the fire to find the boys. Father Odd found Pelle and Ingemar and got them out. But unfortunately, Pelle’s parents were trapped inside and perished.” Karin finished.

Dani was beyond exhausted, and her emotions were still raw. She felt tears slipping down her cheeks as Karin recounted the story.

Hanna set down the wreath she was working on and wrapped her arms around Dani. “Well, of course, the boys blamed themselves, Pelle most of all.” Karin went on. “And for a time, he was furious with Ingemar and refused to see him. Pelle thought that if Ingemar hadn’t broken his leg, they could have gotten out and no one would have died.”

“What happened?” Dani asked, curiosity superseding her anger.

“Well,” Karin shrugged. “Ingemar finally caught Pelle alone, and Pelle gave Ingemar a black eye. And then Ingemar gave Pelle a black eye, and they were friends again, in the way of young boys.”

Dani smiled softly at that, imagining Pelle and Ingemar arm in arm with matching black eyes.

“I don’t think that would work in this scenario,” Dani sighed, heart softening towards Pelle but not yet ready to welcome him with open arms. Giving him a black eye did have its appeal, however.

Oh, God, she thought as a sudden realization hit her. Now Ingemar truly had died in a fire. And Pelle, who was supposed to be at his side, had left him behind. For her. She felt sick as she imagined how Pelle must feel. Like I feel, she thought. And I threw it in his face.

“No,” Hanna said, bringing Dani back to their conversation. “But perhaps you ask him, hmmm? How did he forgive Ingemar? And how did he forgive himself?”

Dani swallowed hard at that. Oh yes, she was angry with Pelle. But that was nothing compared to the anger she felt toward herself.

“Perhaps,” Dani said noncommittally. And the women picked up their wreaths again and went back to work.

Chapter Text

That evening, Dani went back to the matriarch’s house to wash her face and tidy up before dinner, avoiding for the moment the camaraderie of the bathhouse. She needed to be alone to think about what Karin and Hanna had told her.

She knew the guilt she felt over sending a man she no longer loved to the fire. How much more guilt must Pelle feel over leaving Ingemar behind? And she - the reason he had been plucked from the fire - had blamed him for his brother's death. If she'd wanted to hurt him, she hit the mark.

Her flower crown was waiting for her on the bed, and Hanna had brought a basin of water and a towel for her to use. She hadn’t really expected a personal attendant for the week, but Hanna seemed to be everywhere she went. That’s because she’s watching you, Dani thought cynically and sighed.

First things first. She splashed water on her face and scrubbed away the tear tracks. She dug through her backpack for her deodorant and saw her makeup bag. She looked into the mirror at the dark circles under her eyes. She looked like hell, but none of the Hårga women seemed to wear makeup. Dani didn’t either typically. Screw it, she thought. They were the reason she looked pale and drawn. They could live with it.

As she finished getting ready, she started hearing voices in the living room. The conversation sounded casual and subdued. She picked up her flower crown and stared at it blankly for a moment. A knock on her bedroom door brought her back to herself. She looked at herself in the mirror, pinned the crown on her head, and took a deep breath. Ready as I’ll ever be. She opened the door and stepped out into the living room.

Her stomach dropped when she saw Pelle standing by the window, dressed in his solstice attire and wearing a fresh crown of ferns. Of course. He was the May King. They’d be expected to arrive at supper together. Siv saw her emerge and said, “Dani, you look lovely. Are you ready for dinner?”

Dani nodded, her every cell attuned to Pelle. Siv and Sten went out the front door first, as matriarch and… consort? Dani wondered what the proper term would be. Pelle took his place to Dani’s left, and they followed behind the elders. Hanna, Dani’s faithful watcher, brought up the rear by herself. 

Pelle stole a quick glance at Dani as they walked, but she refused to look his way. She could feel his grief and shame as readily as her own. She wanted to comfort and reassure him, but she hardened her heart. She wasn’t ready to forgive his part in all this yet. She thought she never would.

Supper itself was a quiet affair. The tables were set in the shape of one of the many Hargan runes with Siv and Dani at the head, Sten and Pelle to their left and right. The family stood silently while they waited for their queen to sit. Dani paused a moment looking over the assembly. The last time she had eaten supper at this table, Christian was still alive. Was it only yesterday? It seemed a lifetime ago.

She sat, and dinner began. It was a simple meal by Grandma Irma’s standards. Roast lamb and red potatoes, a salad made of field greens with a vinegary dressing, sweet potato pie, bowls of fresh fruit, trays of cheese and various sliced meats, and large bread rolls. As they ate, the conversation began around the tables. It lacked the vibrant, boisterous quality of the other meals she had eaten here. Grief ran through the family. They had sacrificed loved ones too.

Pelle’s emotions swept over her in waves throughout the meal. Where her anger and resentment had started to fade during the day, his feelings of grief, loss, and self-hatred had only grown.  As dinner went on, he sank lower and lower under their weight. He had left his brother to die alone, lost all his friends from America, and lost… the love of his life… (she touched the words lightly as they formed in her mind) in one day. He had given up everything for his family. And yet, for the first time amongst them, he felt alone.

Her heart filled with pity for him. She didn’t need to punish him; he was doing a fine job punishing himself. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and noticed that he’d hardly eaten. He was pushing the salad around on his plate with his fork, but he hadn’t taken a bite.

She sighed heavily. Setting aside her anger for the moment, she reached over and took his hand. He squeezed her fingers hard, and she saw two fat tears roll down his cheeks. She squeezed his hand in return and looked for her ever-present shadow, Hanna.

Hanna was seated a few chairs down, next to Jarl. She was still available for her queen, however, and it didn’t take Dani long to get her attention. Hanna came over to Dani’s side, between her and Siv. “Yes, my queen?” Dani leaned over and whispered in her ear. Hanna nodded and headed back to the matriarch’s house.

Siv looked over to Dani then, noticed her and Pelle’s clasped hands, and asked, “Are you done with dinner, my dear? Should we clear the tables and start the bonfire?”

“Yes,” Dani responded and rose to her feet, signaling the end of dinner.

------

As the young men and women of the family cleared away the remains of dinner and the tables, the working age adults set up the bonfire. She and Pelle took their spots on a blanket of soft blue together, their linked hands still the single point of connection between them. The musicians of the family gathered and began to play. The rest of the family joined as their duties were finished.

The music tonight was solemn, as it had been after the Attestupan. It was a time for mourning and reflection, and Dani’s fingers ached for sjolfloyte.  She wanted to pour her grief into song with Sten and the other musicians, let the notes and the melody carry it away.  But she couldn’t bring herself to leave Pelle alone in his despair, lost and unmoored as he was.  He clung to her hand like a life preserver, eyes glazed over as he stared at the fire.

Dani thought about the beauty and peace that had enveloped her when she arrived; God, was it less than a week ago? What had Pelle said? The tranquil and majestic Hårga? It had felt like returning to a home she never even knew existed.

As she watched the family together around the bonfire, she thought of what she would sacrifice to protect it. Not nine human lives, surely. But not nothing either. How much more would someone raised here, who knew nothing else, give up to keep it safe? Her heart began to soften towards the Hårgans, who earnestly believed in the necessity of their actions, who put family above all, and who now offered to count her among them.

She sat patiently until she could feel the musicians winding down. The elders would soon be sending them all to bed; tomorrow was another day of festivities. Between songs, she let go of Pelle’s hand and stood solemnly. Pelle looked up at her in surprise, as did Siv. Heads began to turn, and men and women elbowed each other and pointed. She caught Sten’s eye, and he nodded to her, holding the next piece. Hanna raced over, ready to assist as always.

Dani smiled kindly, and spoke in English, with Hanna translating her words to Swedish. “Today has been a day for grief as well as for celebration. As death is part of life, so is sorrow a part of joy, loss a part of abundance.” She paused to let Hanna catch up.

“There are those who were with us at the beginning of the festival who are not with us tonight,” she continued. “As we honor their bravery and their sacrifice,” her voice broke on the word, “we grieve their loss. I would honor them now with a song, written by a man from a very different family from a land far from here, a song that honors a beloved brother who gave his life in the service of his family.” At this, she looked directly at Pelle, who finally met her eyes. This is for Ingemar, she thought, and for you. She hoped he could read her the way she could read him.

“He writes of hope, and the peace in the year to come, saying ‘Come with me, you will see just how sweet life will be, in the year, in the year that will be.’” Hanna then produced what Dani had sent her for, her sjolfloyte. Hanna took her seat again, and Dani met Sten's eyes with a nod. He understood; this was the song she had taught them. She put the flute to her lips and began to play.

She played the intro into the verse, low, soft, and minor, building a crescendo as she soared up to the upper register on the chorus. She could feel the tide of her own feelings, swayed on her feet to the push and pull, felt the audience begin to move with her.

On her second pass through the song, the other musicians joined in with her, bolstering her with their harmony. On the third and fourth repeat, she lowered her flute and sang. The Hebrew words flowed out from her like a silver stream, her low voice haunting and cradling at the same time.

The musicians stopped after the last chorus, and she sang the outro alone, filling each note with a mixture of grief and hope, tears falling freely, pouring her heart out to the Hårgans.

As her voice faded, a hush fell over the family. Only the crackling of the bonfire could be heard as she sat back down cross legged on the blanket. She turned to Pelle, her rock, shattered and smashed, and held her arms out to him. He collapsed his broken pieces against her, shaking with the force of his grief, and let her quietly start putting him back together.

She held him tightly, stroking his hair, as he shook with with the force of his weeping. Around the fire, the family began to cry with him, sharing his grief and, in the process, lightening it. Dani wasn’t surprised to find tears on her own cheeks, and she let them fall into Pelle’s hair, weeping with him as he had wept with her.

As the crying began to subside, Siv stood to call the evening’s events to a close. “Thank you, my queen, for that beautiful tribute. We are grateful to the gods for their wisdom in sending you to us. We honor those who sacrificed their lives for our prosperity, and we look forward to celebrating the life we all share and the peace and abundance of the years to come.”

She clapped her hands twice, and the assembly began to break up, each generation heading to their respective houses. Pelle lifted his head from Dani’s chest and took her face in his hands. “Tack, älskling. Tack,” he whispered in Swedish, as if his English were forgotten. He touched his forehead to hers for a moment, then kissed her softly between her eyes.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered back, a soft smile on her face. “I’m sorry,” she added, knowing now how much she had hurt him.

He shook his head gently. His voice was still choked with emotion. He couldn’t speak, so he simply kissed her instead. She felt his love and forgiveness flow out to her, mingling with the faint traces of her own, and her heart melted.

They walked in silence back to the matriarch’s house, hand in hand. She could still feel grief weighing him down, but it was muted now. His heart shimmered with gratitude and love, and she felt a new sense of peace from him that had not been there before.

When they reached the matriarch’s house, they stopped at the front door. Siv and Sten smiled at the pair, and Siv took Dani into her arms. “You are a blessing to us, my child.” She released Dani, and she and Sten went inside, leaving the younger couple outside alone.

They turned to face each other, hands finding their mates instinctively as their eyes met. “Dani...” Pelle started, still searching for the right words to say.

She smiled up at him and then very gently turned his hands and placed a soft kiss in the center of each palm. She wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug and then pulled away before he could react.  She whispered, “Good night, Pelle,” and went inside.

He stood, rooted to the spot, for long minutes, fingers curled over his palms to hold on to feel of her kisses and her mercy.

Chapter Text

Pelle wandered into breakfast the next morning with a headache and a feeling in his chest like a large bruise. Yesterday morning, he’d thought he’d lost Dani forever. Losing Ingemar and losing Dani had been more than he thought he could bear, and he had spent lunch in the grove, tears flowing freely as he contemplated a life without them. For the first time, he faced his pain alone, too lost to even seek out his family for help.

Last night, though, she had been different. He didn’t know what had happened during the day to open her heart, but he thanked the gods that it had. There may still be a chance he could convince her to stay with the family, with him. But where he’d always been sure of his next move with her, he now felt lost. His intuition was clouded by grief, fear, and doubt. He tried to exhale-inhale the unholy affekts, but he was way past breathing techniques now.

The breakfast hall was bustling with activity. The heaviness of the day before had lifted, and his family was full of joy and cheer, looking forward to the day’s festivities. He found himself looking around for Dani, even though he knew she was likely having a private breakfast with Siv in the queen’s house.

Suddenly, he felt hands grab his waist from behind, and he jumped, startled. He heard Dani’s laugh as he whipped around to find her standing behind him, hair already up in braids with her queen’s crown on top. “Good morning,” she said. “I wondered when you’d wake up.”

“Good morning, Dani,” he said cautiously, still unsure how he’d gotten back into her good graces, and how to stay there.

Her smile faded at the hesitation in his voice. “Pelle, I am so sorry about my behavior yesterday morning. I was so full of anger and fear and shame, and I took it all out on you. I know I hurt you,” she said quietly. “Yes, you have a part in what’s happened to me this week,” she continued, “But so do others. So do I. Please forgive me,” she ended simply.

“Oh, älskling, there is nothing to forgive,” he let out in a rush. “I am the one that should be asking forgiveness.” She stopped him by placing her fingertips gently on his lips.

“Pelle, I understand why you did what you did. It will take me a while to forgive you for it, if I even can, but I want to. I can’t promise not to get angry again. I don’t think I’ll ever get the image of you with Connie in the wheelbarrow out of my head…” She trailed off, and an errant tear slipped down her cheek. He’d give anything to erase that image from her mind.

She drew herself up straight and laid one hand on his chest and one hand on hers, covering their hearts. “But there’s something here, something worth fighting for. If you can bear it, if you’ll fight for it with me, I’d like to try."

“Gods, yes, Dani, anything,” he said, relieved that he hadn’t lost her completely. “I can bear anything for you. Whatever it takes, I’ll never give up.” He wanted to take her in his arms, but he settled for taking the hand that rested on his chest. She didn’t recoil from his touch, and that was a start.

“Thank you,” she said. “I think you do understand, more than I realized. Will you have breakfast with me? And then, can we walk to the grove again and talk? I’d like to ask you about something in private.”

“Yes, of course, anything you want. But you haven’t eaten yet? I assumed you’d have breakfast with Siv again.”

“Grandma Irma made pancakes,” she said, turning him towards the food he hadn’t wanted before. The smell hit his nostrils, and his stomach growled loudly. He’d hardly eaten the day before.

Dani laughed at the sound and moved up to stand by his side. “I wanted my first experience of Grandma Irma’s pancakes to be with you.” She smiled up at him. He searched her face for anger or blame but found only mercy instead.

Thank you, he prayed in gratitude to whatever gods were listening, and he slipped his arm around her waist. “Well, I am the expert,” he said, striving to match her light-hearted tone.

“Exactly! Lead the way…” she said, and after a split-second pause, added, “...my king.” It was the first time she’d used the title, and he rewarded her with his first genuine smile in two days. He kissed the top of her head and led her to the breakfast line.

------

Later, they lounged in the peace of the grove, laying in the shade on a blanket Pelle had brought with them. They laid side by side, fingers barely touching, watching the few clouds roll by, content for the moment just to be together.

Pelle had been stealing a quick glance at Dani, preferring to look at her over the sky, when he caught her doing the same. She smiled and blushed, and he rolled to his side, placing a hand on her cheek and kissing her forehead. He badly wanted more, but he did not know how far her grace extended.

“Pelle, can I ask you about something kind of personal?” she asked hesitantly.

“Of course, älskling, you can ask me anything.”

“Karin told me about your parents yesterday.”

Pelle stiffened at that. He didn’t like even touching that memory, and it bothered him that someone else had told her the story.

“I’m so sorry, Pelle,” she said quickly. “I know that’s not what you would have wanted, but it helped me understand a bit more, if that makes sense.”

“How so?”

She hesitated before answering. He could see her gathering her thoughts, trying to put into words what she was feeling. “Karin was telling me that you blamed Ingemar for the death of your parents, at least for a while. But mostly you blamed yourself.” She fixed him with a knowing look. “You still do.”

“I think…,” she hesitated and then continued, “Karin was trying to compare us.  You blamed Ingemar for your parents to hide from your own guilt. I blame you so I can hide from mine. But…”

She glanced up at him, as if assessing his strength before she spoke. She sat up, turning to face him.  “But what struck me is that Ingemar is gone – from a fire like when you were kids. Back then, you refused to leave him, willing to die in the fire with him if necessary. But now, you had to let him go without you. You couldn’t save him, and you couldn’t go with him, because of me, and it’s killing you.”

He rolled onto his back again, looking up at the sky, trying to escape the intensity of his own feelings. Here it was, his penance, the price of his forgiveness. She had probed into his heart, found his deepest pains, plucked them from his chest, and forced him to look at them in the bright light of day.

He sat up, facing her, facing his guilt. He tried to speak, but only a sob came out. He forced himself to meet her eyes and admitted, “You’re right, älskling. I was supposed to be there with him. But I wasn’t. I let him die, and I wasn’t there to share it with him, with all of them.” He looked down at his hands in shame.

She slid closer to him, turned his face to hers, and commanded, “Look at me.” He looked back up, giving her what she demanded. He expected to be met with derision; instead, he saw only understanding.

“Listen to me, Pelle,” she ordered. “It’s not your fault.”

“But…” he started.

“No,” she said firmly. “It wasn’t your choice, Pelle. Others made the choice for you. I know you. You would have gone with him to the end if you could have, if it wasn’t for me…”

Her last words stabbed into his heart like a knife. “No, älskling, no. You can’t blame yourself for that. Please…” he begged, taking her hands and willing her to listen.

She smiled sadly and said, “There are plenty to blame, and plenty of blame to go around. But don’t you see, Pelle? We’re the same. People died yesterday – for us and because of us. And we couldn’t stop it. And here we sit, swimming in survivor’s guilt. And we can’t forgive ourselves,” she finished softly.

“How can I ever forgive myself?” he asked, clutching her hands tightly.

“Honestly, Pelle, I don’t know,” she said, tears spilling out of her eyes. “But yesterday… yesterday you said we could figure it out together.”

Her eyes fixed on his, and for a moment he lost himself in her love and mercy. But there was a plea there too, for understanding, for help, for someone to forgive her. He kissed her softly, letting his tears mingle with hers.

She rested her forehead on his, and with eyes closed asked softly, “Can you imagine how it feels, Pelle? To cheat on your boyfriend with his own friend, plan to leave him, and then choose him for death?” Her voice was eerily calm. “Can you imagine betraying someone that way? I didn’t have to do it. I could have chosen Turbeyon. He’d have gone willingly. I could have refused to choose and offered myself instead. I had the choice. And I chose him.”

She paused and opened her eyes, letting him in, giving him her pain in exchange for his. “If you can’t forgive yourself for Ingemar, what hope is there for me?” she ended quietly.

The weight of her guilt laid on him like a stone, crushing his chest. He had known this week would be hard for her. He had expected her to blame him; until yesterday, he hadn’t expected she would blame herself. He could bear her anger, but he couldn’t bear to see her in this much pain.

“Will you help me, Pelle? And will you let me help you?” she asked simply.

Her eyes held his firmly. She would not be deterred, for now at least. He nodded, speechless, swearing to himself that he would spend every one of his remaining days doing whatever it took to ease her pain, to forgive herself for what was never her fault to begin with.

She smiled and kissed him again. Her lips parted, inviting, and he tasted her sweetness. They explored each other’s mouths for several long, tender minutes, content to go slowly. When the kiss ended, she pulled away to meet his eyes again. He brushed a fallen hair out of her face, smiling at her softly. They laid back down together on the blanket, holding each other close until they drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Dani was shaken awake by a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and then closed them again, groaning loudly. Pelle sat up stiffly, yawning hugely and stretching his long limbs.

Having lost her pillow, Dani sat up and saw Hanna smiling down at them. She was obviously pleased to see them reconcile. “Dani, it is time to get ready for tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, the naked swim.” She blushed and cast a sideways glance at Pelle. He grinned wolfishly, not even pretending he wasn’t going to enjoy it. She felt a chill go down her spine and land between her legs, and she blushed even harder.

Hanna helped Dani up and started to lead her out of the grove. Dani cast a quick glance over her shoulder at Pelle, who waved and said playfully, “I’ll see you later.”

Hanna and Dani made their way to the bathhouse, where she could hear the laughter of other women getting ready. “I am happy to see you and Pelle together again,” Hanna said as they walked.

“Yeah,” Dani said, smiling to herself. “Me too. Thank you and Karin for sharing all that with me yesterday. It helped a lot.”

Hanna gave her a quick sideways hug as they walked into the bathhouse. “You are welcome, my queen. I am so glad.

They entered the swirl of naked young women, cleansing themselves with scented soap and inspecting their bodies for fixable imperfections. She saw Karin pluck a stray pubic hair and was relieved to see she wasn’t the only one nervous about appearing naked before the whole family.

Hanna and Dani helped each other take out their braids, and then they sunk into the hot bath. After sleeping on the ground all afternoon, the heat soaking into her sore muscles felt amazing. Dani let out a sigh and laid her head on the edge of the bath. I could get used to this.

Eventually, Hanna coaxed her out of the bath and handed her a fresh soft towel to dry off with. This was followed by a bottle of scented oil. The other women were applying it from top to toe, so she followed suit. “It is for the blessing,” Felicity told her, applying the oil to Dani’s back. Violets, she thought. And sandalwood. She hoped she wouldn’t start tripping again.

The women were all brushing out their hair, applying a bit of the scented oil to the ends as well, studying the effect in the mirror. “We don’t wear our hair up for this?” Dani asked Karin.

Karin shook her head. “Tonight, we honor Freja, goddess of war and beauty. In her honor, we leave our hair down to show off our beauty.”

Siv entered the bath house. Fully dressed, lucky her, Dani thought bitterly. She carried a wooden box, covered with Hårgan runes. The women stopped their chattering and preening and gathered in a circle around Dani and Siv. Great. More May Queen stuff.

Siv looked around to make sure all were gathered and paying attention. “In the stories, we hear of Freja’s necklace, an ornate item that ensured that she would appear to every man as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. In honor of Freja, our May Queen shall wear this tonight, that she may be the most beautiful of us all.”

Dani heard a sigh go out from several of the women in the group. Obviously, this was a highly coveted role in a family that shared everything and coveted nothing. She straightened her back, feeling for the first time honored rather than burdened.

Siv held out the box to Dani, and she opened the lid. She half expected for the replica to be made of twine and flowers, but instead a large ornate bib necklace in scrolls of gold shone like a small sun on a bed of green velvet. She gasped at it and felt the press of the women around her jostling to get a better look.

Hanna took the necklace from the box and hung it around Dani’s neck. It was heavy, real gold she thought. The scroll work started at her clavicles, narrowed as it worked its way down her chest, and ended in a point where her breasts met.

Unable to resist, Dani turned to the full-length mirror in the bath house to see the overall effect. With her hair down, curling softly around her shoulders, and Freja’s necklace shining on her chest, she thought it must truly be magical. The woman in the mirror was beautiful.

Siv leaned over to her and whispered, “Some May Queens allow the other girls to touch it before they leave the bath house, that some of its magic may transfer to them.” Dani nodded in acknowledgement and thanks, and Siv left the bathhouse, wishing them all luck tonight.

After Siv left, Dani was swarmed by naked women all telling her how beautiful she looked in nothing but a necklace worth more than all she had in the world. The contrast with her old life struck her suddenly, and she reeled at the sharp turn she had taken.

She allowed the other women to touch the necklace. All were very grateful and bowed to her after they received their magic. For a moment, Dani forgot her grief, her shame, and her anger and let the festive spirit of the other women carry her away.

------

The sun was setting when the grandmothers of the family met the Summer women outside the bath house, handing lit torches to each swimmer. Dani’s was carved with runes, and she was told that she would be the first in the column when they departed for the lake, as well as the first to swim. She was about to ask for directions when Siv told her, “Grandmother Irma has the honor this year to lead our beautiful girls to the lakeside!” A cheer went up from the crowd, and Grandma Irma took her place at the head of the column next to Dani. The older woman gave Dani a huge smile and a pinch on the cheek that made her smile in return.

The butterflies in her stomach came back as they started their march to the lake. Could she do this? Not only appear naked in front of the family, but swim out to the island, which was not a short swim, holding a lit torch aloft, without it going out or lighting her hair on fire? She wasn’t so sure, and she hated having to go first, even if it meant she would be the first to get in the water and cover up.

Grandma Irma led the way, and the younger women followed. They were serious now. No chittering or laughter could be heard from the group. Dani thought about Freja. The goddess of both war and beauty, huh? She must have been quite a woman, and Dani tried to emulate the attitude with which she must have carried herself. She found herself asking the goddess for help but was too nervous to contemplate if it was just a calming mantra or a true prayer.

As they rounded a turn in the path, the lake came into view. Placid in the summer calm, the sky and the surrounding trees were reflected cleanly in its surface. The island was a small mound in the center (man-made she thought), and the swim was maybe 250 yards. Enough to be a challenge, but not so much to make it impossible.

On the shore of the lake, the rest of the family gathered to watch. The men in their summer years held robes and flower crowns, waiting to adorn the swimmers on their return. Pelle stood in the middle, a bit in front of the others. He was easy to pick out with his crown of ferns, and she swallowed hard, willing herself not to blush. Freja wouldn’t blush, she thought to herself, so you won’t.

She held her head high as she took her place next to Siv, standing with her back to the lake and facing the men, facing Pelle who stood directly across from her. She risked a quick look at him, expecting him to be staring at her breasts. Instead, their eyes met, and he grinned at her, his pride and love for her reaching out and wrapping around her like a blanket. The other women lined up along the beach behind the matriarch and their queen, also facing the family.

“Tonight, we honor Freja, our goddess of war and beauty.” Siv declared in what Dani had come to think of as her preacher voice – loving, commanding, and loud enough to be heard in the back without the assistance of a microphone. “While it has been many generations since we were plagued with war, we have been fortunate to always be blessed with great beauty.” The family cheered, and Siv laughed joyously.

“In honor of Freja, our Summer women, led by our May Queen, will swim out to the center island of the lake and light a bonfire for all to see. Freja, we ask that you heap blessings upon us in accordance with the height of our fire! Protect the beauty of our family, and grant us another year of peace and prosperity!”

With that Siv turned to Dani and the crowd cheered again. Siv asked quietly, “Are you ready, my child?” Dani took one last look at Pelle, who gave her a nod of encouragement, and said to Siv, “I am ready, Grandmother.”

Dani turned then to the lake and approached the shore. The other women followed as her feet sank below the water’s surface. Dani took a long look at her torch as she walked deeper into the water, decided on a kind of modified side stroke, and pushed off from the soft sand to start her journey.

She heard the crowd cheering again as she started her swim, shouting encouragement to her and their sisters. Buoyed by their support, she found her rhythm and began to eat up the yards between shores. She couldn’t see the other women behind her, but she knew they were there. She wasn’t alone. What she had thought would be a tricky challenge was turning out easier than she thought, and she began to relax as the island moved closer with every stroke.

She had maybe 50 yards to go when her right foot struck something hard and rough in the water. She cried out and nearly dropped the torch in shock. She caught it in time, and it remained lit. She breathed a sigh of relief. Treading water with a burning foot, she looked around for the offending object. There it was – a large branch, fallen from a tree on the shore and floating free in the lake.

Karin, the strongest of the swimmers, reached Dani quickly. “Are you okay, my queen?” she asked anxiously.

“Yes,” Dani said, embarrassed by her mishap. “I accidentally kicked that stupid log.” She gestured to the branch, and Karin looked at it in shock.

“That’s odd,” Karin said. “Someone always rows the lake before our swim to clear any debris. How did they miss something this big?” The other women were starting to reach them now, and Dani and Karin called out warnings to them as they approached.

Dani continued to tread water, feeling the ache in her foot throb with each heartbeat. She knew the top of her foot was at least badly scratched; she hoped she hadn’t managed to break something too. She looked at the island, still 50 yards away, and another 250-yard swim to get back. She gritted her teeth, thought about the goddess of war and beauty, and resigned herself to the battle ahead.

“Is everyone here with us?” she called out.

Hanna responded, “Yes, my queen. I have counted us.”

“Good,” Dani responded. Some of the women looked nervous; she heard someone whisper about an ill omen. Feeling like a charlatan, Dani announced, “Freja has seen fit to bless our efforts with additional wood for our bonfire. Sisters, let us bring this blessing with us and add it to our fire that it may rise even higher in her honor!” And if that meant she got to burn the damn thing, all the better.

The women cheered at that, and she heard an echoing cheer come from the lake. Had they heard her too? She didn’t have time to wonder. She had to get this over with and get out of the water.

She took off in the direction of the island again, trusting the other women to tow the branch along with them. She had to reach the island first, both as queen and to assess the damage to her foot before the others saw it.

She reached the shore, right arm aching from holding the burning torch aloft. She heard a loud cheer rise up from the far shore as they saw the first torch reach the island. She waited for the rest of the women, not having been told exactly what she was supposed to do once she got here. While she waited, she bent down to look at her foot in the torchlight.

A patch of skin nearly the size of her palm had been ripped off. The wound was red, angry, and oozing. She felt around her foot as best as possible without touching the raw section. She didn’t think anything was broken. While it hurt to stand on it, she could stand. Likely just the missing skin and a nasty bruise then.

When the other women were gathered on the shore, and Karin and Hanna had dragged the waterlogged branch to the fire, Dani raised her torch high. “For Freja!”

“For Freja!” the women responded.

She threw her torch into the center of the prepared wood, stacked higher than her head. As the flames caught on the kindling, the other torches were tossed in. She counted; all the women had made it with their torches lit. A good omen indeed.

Chapter Text

After the bonfire was roaring, the women congratulated each other, clucked over Dani’s wound, and offered to send a boat for her so that she need not make the swim back. Dani, however, refused the offer. She was the May Queen, and she would make the swim back. After that, they could carry her everywhere for a week, and she would gladly let them.

They rested in the heat of the bonfire for about 30 minutes before heading back to the shore. Food would be waiting for them, and the noises coming from Felicity’s stomach suggested she and the baby couldn’t wait much longer to eat. Felicity laughed and shrugged, telling them all, “Just wait until it’s your turn.”

Dani led the way back as well, slowly due to both fatigue and pain. None of the other women passed her, however. The queen was first, and she set the pace. The way back felt interminable; Dani’s foot burned, her arms and legs ached, and frankly, she was starving too. The crowd gathered on the shore continued to cheer for them however, and their encouragement kept her moving, one painful stroke at a time.

It was light by the time Dani finally emerged on the shore, gasping, pale, and limping. Siv looked shocked at her appearance, and Pelle rushed forward, wrapping her in a thick white robe. “Dani? What’s wrong?”

She leaned into him, taking the weight off her foot, which by now was swollen and purple. She gestured to it, and between gasping breaths got out, “Kicked… a stupid... tree branch.”

Jarl had rushed forward and was already assessing the damage. Out of the corner of her eye, Dani saw Siv and Sten exchange a look. They knew as well as Karin that the lake would have been cleared of any dangers. The crowd had gone silent, unsure what to make of this turn of events.

Pelle bent to pick Dani up, but she stopped him and beckoned Siv. She leaned in and Dani whispered, “Freja blessed us with additional wood for our fire.” Siv raised an eyebrow, regarding Dani with an air of approval.

She turned to the crowd and declared, “Our queen has been tested and found to be as strong as she is beautiful. As such, Freja has gifted us with additional wood so that our fire, and our blessings, may rise even higher!”

The crowd let out a whooping cheer at that, and Pelle gave Dani a skeptical look. She shrugged and, breath coming easier now, said, “Hey, any good story has to start somewhere.”

“How is it, Jarl?” Siv asked, turning back to group still gathered by the shore. The other women had received their robes and their crowns by now. Hanna stood by Dani’s side as always, ready to lend whatever assistance she needed.

“I can’t tell without an x-ray,” he said. “But it feels like a hairline fracture. She lost quite a bit of skin here, and it’s spent a lot of time exposed to the lake. I’d like to get her back to the infirmary to get it cleaned out, bandaged, and stabilized. I can send Evert for the wheelchair.”

Siv was nodding her agreement when Dani said, “No!” in a voice a little too loud and strained. She never wanted to see that wheelchair again.

“Dani…” Pelle started but she cut him off with a gesture, putting on her best royal attitude as cover.

“I will walk back to the village, leading the others as I am expected to do. Grandmother, I ask permission for Pelle to accompany me to lend assistance. Also, because I think he will do it whether we give him permission or not.” She smiled wryly in his direction. Pelle smiled back, pulling her closer to his side lest Siv try to wrest her away from his grip.

Siv asked, “Are you sure, my dear? You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes,” Dani said emphatically. “I’m sure.”

“Permission granted. Jarl, please go ahead to the infirmary now. Hanna, please go with him and help him prepare. Pelle, you will assist our queen however she desires to make it back to the village.”

Pelle nodded, and Jarl and Hanna headed off to the village ahead of the rest of the family. Siv turned to the family and announced that Dani would be just fine, you’d see for herself as she would walk back to the village on her own two feet, and that it was time for the feasting to begin.

The crowd cheered, and the women lined up behind Dani, ready to follow their queen. Pelle picked up the crown of flowers he had dropped before and placed them on Dani’s head. “Are you ready, my queen?” he asked formally.

Dani nodded, and they headed to the village at the head of the family, Siv and Sten close behind. Dani looped her arm around Pelle’s, using him as a crutch to take the weight off her pained right foot on the long walk back.

“Why are you doing this to yourself, Dani?” Pelle asked when she let out a small noise as she accidentally bumped her foot on a tree root sticking out of the ground. “Why won’t you let me carry you? You don’t have to prove anything.”

Dani glanced around. None were close enough to hear but Siv and Sten, and she felt they should know as well. “When it happened and the other women caught up to me, I could hear them whispering about an ill omen. Some of them looked frightened when they saw the branch on the island too. It was huge, Pelle. A 90-year May Queen, wounded by a massive tree branch that had no business there? Of course they’d be frightened by what that means! I don’t want to give them any more cause for concern."

He was silent for a moment, thinking about what she said, when Siv’s voice came from behind. “She’s right, lille Pelle. There are those who will take this as a frightening omen. But they now see our queen overcoming it, defeating it, and in that they will see great blessings.”

Pelle nodded thoughtfully. “So, you’re just thinking of the family then?”

Her voice dropped, and she whispered, “No.”

“The wheelchair?” he whispered in her ear.

She nodded, and he squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, älskling, I understand.”

Siv and Sten were looking at them quizzically, so she added in a louder voice, “I promise, just help me get back to the village on my own two feet and then I’ll let you carry me anywhere.”

“Anywhere?” He asked playfully, raising an eyebrow and hoping to distract her from the darkness inside.

She blushed and dropped her eyes. “Would you take advantage of a wounded woman?” she asked playfully, but with a breathlessness that told him she wasn’t totally opposed to the idea.

“Of course not,” he assured her, and then whispered in her ear again. “But I would serve my queen in whatever ways she wished.” The words were chaste enough, but they sent a chill through Dani that had nothing to do with the cool morning breeze or her wet hair.

------

It took quite some time for the family to make it back to the village as Dani was moving very slowly towards the end. By the time they reached the infirmary, she was as white as her robe, and her face was etched with pain. Pelle could see the swelling in her foot had gotten worse, and he couldn’t imagine how she could stand it. At the door of the infirmary, however, she straightened her shoulders, put on a bright smile, and turned to the family and waved. They cheered their queen and then ran off to feast and dance the the remainder of the night away in her and Freja’s honor.

“You did well, tonight, my dear,” Siv said, kissing her cheek. “You have made us all proud. But now it is time to rest and have your injury tended. You are not expected to appear again.” She and Pelle exchanged a look, and Pelle nodded to the matriarch. Dani realized they were done letting her call the shots tonight, and she sank against Pelle’s chest in surrender.

He bent down and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her into the infirmary and laying her down on a small narrow cot. Hanna propped Dani’s foot up on a pillow and set to applying ice to bring down the swelling while Pelle put her flower crown aside and helped her arrange her pillow.

When Dani was settled comfortably, he pulled up a chair next to the bed and took her hand in his. “Are you ready to let us take care of you now, älskling?” he asked, a touch of reproach in his voice.

“Yes, I am,” she said gratefully, closing her eyes and laying her head back against the pillow.

Jarl and Hanna set to work cleaning out Dani’s wound. Between the lake and the dirt path on the way back, it was filthy and needed to be cleaned out with a scrub brush. Pelle winced in pain with her, but exhaustion won out, and she was too tired to protest.

Her stomach, however, was in no such mood and complained loudly about the lack of food. Hanna looked up and said, “Would you like me to bring you something to eat, my queen?”

“No need!” announced a bright voice from the doorway. They turned to see Felicity and two young girls come in carrying plates laden with food. “Siv said you all might not make it to the feast, so we brought you a little of everything.”

“I love you,” Dani said with utmost sincerity, and Felicity laughed.

“We love you, too, my queen. Eat up, rest, and get better. We will celebrate your achievements in your honor tonight.” She patted Dani on the knee and then bustled out with the two young girls in tow.

“What would you like, Dani?” Pelle asked, looking over the delicious bedside buffet.

“Anything,” she said emphatically.

“Bread,” Jarl said. “And cheese. To start,” he added when Dani gave him a dirty look.

Pelle dutifully tore a piece off a fresh loaf of bread, added some cheese slices to it, and handed it to Dani. He was planning his own attack when she wolfed it down and requested, “more please."

He put off his own needs while he prepared and passed her food. Jarl finished bandaging and splinting her foot. “All right, my queen. Rest tonight. Come back in the morning for me to take another look and change the bandage, and we’ll go from there. I am concerned about a possible infection, so make sure you come back to be checked out.” This last was addressed to Pelle and Hanna.

“We’ll make sure she gets here,” Pelle responded for her, and Dani was too tired to protest that she could take care of herself thank-you-very-much. Jarl gave Hanna a packet of pills for the pain and instructed her in their use.

Dani’s eyes were closed, and Pelle looked longingly at the food and then back to her. He sighed and reached down to pick her up. Her eyes fluttered open, and she placed a hand on the center of his chest, stopping him. “Pelle, eat something. I can doze here for the three minutes it will take you.”

Hanna laughed at that. Pelle’s talent for making food disappear was well known in the family. “Yes, Pelle, eat,” she said. “That will give me time to go to the queen’s house and make sure everything is ready for her.”

Pelle made quick work of the remaining food. They had slept through lunch today, and this morning’s pancakes had long since worn off. He finished off his hasty meal, offering some to Jarl, who assured him that he would find his own food and see to it that the plates got back to the kitchen.

Pelle nodded and picked Dani up in his arms. She had fallen asleep while he ate. She did not fully wake when he carried her out of the infirmary, but she put her arms around his neck and sighed, his heart squeezing in his chest at the sound.

The queen’s house was close to the infirmary, and he reached it in a few short minutes. The path skirted the festivities, fortunately, so he did not have to deal with questions or well-wishers. He carried her in through the front door, expecting to be met by Siv or Hanna.

The house was quiet, however. Pools of light from soft lamps lit his way to the small bedroom, where Hanna had already been to tidy up, put fresh sheets on the bed, and turn down the comforter. She had placed a pillow, a thin cot mattress, and a pile of blankets on the floor as well. A bed for him to sleep in without leaving Dani’s side. Pelle thanked her silently.

He laid Dani in the bed and tucked the blankets around her. He brushed her hair off her face and stroked her cheek for a moment, watching her sleep. Her color was a bit better, but she was still pale, and the dark circles under her eyes were prominent.

The replica of Freja’s necklace still shone from her chest. He unhooked it and set it on the bedside table. She had been through hell this week and had handled all of it with a grace and a strength he could only imagine. “Goddess of war and beauty indeed,” he said under his breath.

When he turned to get his own bed ready on the floor, he heard her say, “Pelle?”

He turned back and sat down on the bed next to her. “I’m here, älskling. What do you need?”

Her eyes met his, hazy with exhaustion. “You. I need you. Stay.” Her eyes closed, but her hand reached for his. “Stay,” she said one more time, and then drifted back under.

He gripped her hand tightly, trying to convey his feelings for her through the pressure, and said, “I’ll be right here, älskling. I won’t leave you, I promise.” He kissed her hand, and she smiled in her sleep.

He watched her sleep for a while longer, making sure she was well and truly under before he prepared his own bed on the floor. It was early morning; Pelle could feel the exhaustion in his bones, but his heart was floating free. She needed him, she said. She’d asked him to stay. He kissed her forehead one last time, was rewarded with a sleepy smile, and then climbed under the blankets on the floor by her side.

Chapter Text

The next day, Dani was awoken by Hanna gently calling her name. It was still dark in the room, but Dani could see bright light peeking from behind the curtains and hear children’s laughter outside the house. She tried to sit up but groaned in pain and laid back down. “I feel like I’ve been beaten with a baseball bat,” she said hoarsely.

Hanna smiled kindly at her and whispered, “You’ve missed breakfast, but Grandma Irma brought some food by. And Jarl’s here to change your bandage. Will you come out?” Dani groaned again, this time in complaint. “There’s coffee…” Hanna offered.

Dani grimaced at her. “Yes, fine, I’ll come out. But why are we whispering?”

“I was trying not to wake Pelle.”

“Pelle?” Dani sat up in the bed despite her body’s protest. Hanna pointed to the floor, and leaning over, Dani saw Pelle sleeping on a thin mattress, still wearing last night’s clothes. She knew she should find his care and concern touching, but this morning she was annoyed at the lack of privacy. Would there never again be a moment to herself?

“Should we wake him too?” Hanna asked.

“No, let him sleep,” Dani said irritably. She threw off the covers and tried to walk around Pelle one-footed, with Hanna on the other side of the room helpless to assist.

Dani had almost made it around Pelle when he suddenly flipped over in his sleep, catching her bad foot and causing her to cry out in pain. He was instantly awake. “Dani?” He jumped to his feet but froze as she held out an arm to keep him at bay. She was breathing through the pain in great sucking gasps.

“What happened?” he asked Hanna, but it was Dani who responded.

“You, that’s what,” she snapped.

Pelle’s mouth hung open as he grasped for something to say, but Dani wasn’t done yet.

“Between getting lost in the forest, the Attestupan, the heat stroke, and my damn right foot… oh and don’t forget the fucking sacrifices!” she added, gaining momentum.

“Is there anything else you would like me to go through this week?” she asked in a near shout.

Hanna looked between Dani and Pelle in shock. From the living room, they could hear Siv calling out to ask if everything was okay. Dani drew in a breath, and Pelle knew that whatever came next would not be fit for the matriarch.

“Hanna, can you give us moment?” he said before Dani could speak. Hanna nodded and gratefully retreated out the door.

Dani turned her full glare on Pelle then, fury and rage boiling over. She had warned him that she might still get angry with him, had asked him if he could stand it. He had promised he could bear anything for her, had even wished yesterday for her to blame him instead of herself. He guessed he got his wish.

He sat down on the edge of her bed, giving her as much space as the small room allowed. “What is it, Dani? What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“What’s wrong?” she spat back. “What’s wrong?!”

He flinched at that and tried again. “You’re right. That’s a stupid question. What can I do?”

She was gearing up to tell him he could go straight to hell when she registered the exhaustion etched on every line of his body, looked again at the thin mattress he’d spent the night on. She vaguely remembered asking him to stay last night. She’d rather hoped it was a dream. Evidently it was not. She’d asked, and he’d stayed. She wondered if he’d slept at all.

He watched her bite back whatever acerbic remark she’d been ready to hurl at him, watched her battle her emotions alone. He wanted to reach for her, to pull her into his arms. But he knew better than to try to touch her. She could just as easily go off again.

She stood there just breathing for long minutes, trying to get herself under control. She refused to go to him. He was responsible for her condition, not her. He was the one who brought her to this place, took everyone she loved from her. Him! Hot tears were streaming down her face now. She was shaking with rage and pain, still holding her right foot aloft and pressing her hands and her body into the wall to keep her balance.

Post-traumatic stress disorder, the rational part of her mind said. Angry outbursts were a classic symptom.  

You think? said the less rational part.

She was sobbing uncontrollably now, gasping for air. She slid to the floor and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. She looked at Pelle for the first time in several painful minutes and saw the tears streaming down his face as well. “Oh god, Pelle,” she choked out.

It was all the invitation he needed. He slid across the floor to her and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m here, älskling, I’m here,” he whispered into her hair, not knowing if she’d find that comforting or not. She lost what little control she had left, and her body shook with the force of her sobs. He clutched her to his chest, holding her tightly as if he could stop the shaking by pure force, and whispered over and over again that everything would be all right.

------

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed on the floor like that. She eventually ran out of tears, and her breathing slowly returned to normal. He wouldn’t let her go, though. He continued to hold her, petting her hair and whispering to her in Swedish how much he loved her and that he’d never let anything hurt her again.

He was still running through the list of everything he would do to make it up to her when he heard her voice, hoarse and small, say, “You know I don’t speak Swedish, right?” It was the first thing she’d said to him not in anger, and he squeezed her tighter in gratitude.

“I know, älskling.”

“What does that mean, ‘älskling’? I never asked before.”

“It means ‘my love’.” She turned her face up to his, and he wiped her face with the hem of his shirt. She rewarded him with the hint of a smile, and he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“What about all that other stuff you were saying?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Ah, well, let’s just say that it was all along the same line and leave it at that.”

She blushed a bit at that and turned her face away. He caught her chin and brought her back to him, saying, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that. I’m just so embarrassed.” She sniffed hard and wiped her nose on her forearm. “How can you be so kind to me when I was so awful to you before?”

“Look at me,” he said. Her eyes met his reluctantly. “Because I love you, Dani. All of you. Not just the parts that are polite and kind and proper. I love your fire. I love your passion. I love your fight. Of course you’re angry. Of course you blame me. Hell, I blame me for everything that’s happened to you!” He stopped, exhaled-inhaled, and then continued.

“But you can’t ignore the feelings and just hope they go away. You don’t need to act like everything is okay; it’s not. You warned me yesterday that you would still get angry, and you asked me if I could bear it. I told you then and I’m telling you now. I can bear anything for you. I’m here with you, Dani, not just when times are good, but when times are hard. I will never leave you; I will never abandon you; and I will never stop loving you.” He kissed her softly, without demand, only offering his life and his love to her, for whatever they may be worth.

“And that, älskling, is what all that Swedish meant,” he said, tucking her head under his chin and holding it close to his heart, suddenly embarrassed at his outpouring.

“I love you too.” It was almost a whisper, and Pelle went still and silent, wondering if he’d just imagined it. She lifted her head up and placed her lips on his.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door, and they both jumped. Pelle silently cursed whoever it was, but Dani said, “Come in.”

The door opened to reveal Siv, who immediately stopped at the threshold and said, “I apologize. I’m interrupting.”

Dani sat up and wiped away her tears. “No, no, it’s okay.” Pelle privately disagreed, but he was gracious enough not to say it.

“You’re sure?” Siv said, but to Pelle, not Dani.

Pelle gave a shrug of defeat. “Yeah, come in.”

“I just wanted to check on you and see if everything was all right. Hanna was worried, and Jarl is back to see to your foot, if you’ll let him.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Dani tried to stand up, but stumbled. Pelle caught her and helped her to her feet.

“There’s coffee, and food as well,” Siv said, sweetening the offer.

Pelle’s stomach growled loudly as Dani said, “Coffee,” and they laughed, peace restored for now.

Siv smiled and teased, “Well, come on out then. I’d leave you two alone for a minute, but I’m afraid we wouldn’t see you until breakfast tomorrow, and you don’t want to miss the rolling of the wheel, do you?”

“May I?” Pelle asked Dani, bending to pick her up. She nodded, feeling unsteady enough to be grateful for the help.

He lifted Dani into his arms and carefully followed Siv out into the living room. The coffee table was arrayed with sandwiches, pastries, and fruit, and a steaming jug of coffee. Pelle set Dani down in the chair closest to the coffee as she asked, “What’s the rolling of the wheel?” She looked them over suspiciously, wondering what awful thing she’d be expected to do tonight.

Pelle took the seat next to Dani and held her hand while Jarl knelt on the floor to remove her bandage. Dani winced as he pulled the fabric away from her wound; it had become stuck to her skin, or what was left of her skin.

Pelle leaned forward to see, and let out a soft, “ouch” at the sight. The swelling had gone down, but her foot was black and blue and red, infected for sure.

“I was afraid of that,” Jarl said, reaching in his bag for a small jar. “Not to worry, I’ll give you some antibiotics to knock out that infection. We’ll have you fixed up in no time.”

Dani doubted if “no time” was reasonable, but she thanked him for his help while he smoothed a cool cream on her open wound and bandaged her up again.

“You’re welcome,” he said kindly, finishing his work. He sat back on his heels then and fixed her with a pointed look. “However,” he said sternly, “you are not to walk on that foot for at least two weeks. At. All.”

She looked to Siv and Pelle and found matching looks on both their faces. “What is this, an intervention?” she asked, laughter twitching at the corner of her mouth.

“I’m serious, Dani,” Jarl said, skipping the ‘my queen’ title she’d come to expect. “Not to go to the bathroom, not to get a second helping at lunch, not at all.”

“What about saving a baby from a runaway horse?” she asked irreverently.

Pelle choked on a laugh, but his voice was serious when he said, “Please, Dani. Listen to him.”

Dani looked to Siv but found no support there. She turned back to Jarl. “What am I supposed to do then?”

“I’ve brought a set of crutches you can use.” He gestured towards the sitting room where the crutches presumably waited.

“You could also ask for help,” Pelle added with gentle reprobation. “Please, Dani, if I never have to carry you to or from the infirmary again, you’ll make the happiest man in Hårga.”

She looked at him guiltily and then down to her hands.

Jarl pressed the point home. “Your body has been through too much this week. You were terribly sick with heat stroke just two days ago, and you swam half a kilometer last night. You don’t have the reserves to fight off an infection on your own right now. I’m serious, Dani, another illness or injury at this point might be too much for you."

“I understand. I’ll use the crutches.” She turned to Pelle and added, “I promise.”

Pelle kissed her hand in thanks, and Jarl patted the side of her ankle in a fatherly manner, carefully avoiding anything tender.

“Good, then. Let Pelle save the babies,” Jarl said good-naturedly and went to retrieve the crutches.

After a quick demonstration to prove she could use the crutches to get around successfully, Jarl packed up his bag and headed back out to the infirmary. He left her with a 10-day supply of antibiotics and another stern warning.

After he left, Pelle and Dani were finally able to dive into the food in front of them. It was long past lunch now, nearing time for supper, but they were starving and well past waiting. While they ate, Siv returned to an earlier topic of discussion.

“Rolling the wheel, my dear, is an old tradition, and one of my favorites. The working age men are out today building a giant wheel, like the kind you’d see on an old mill, twice the height of the tallest amongst us.” Siv glanced at Pelle, who grinned. He was easily the tallest in the village, and he’d helped them mark boards yesterday in preparation.

“We stuff the wheel with straw, hay, and kindling,” Siv continued, “and the young ones adorn it with wreaths and flowers. Then, well, we take it up to the top of the hill, light it on fire, and roll it down to the lake.” She grinned mischievously as Dani’s eyebrows rose.

“You light it on fire?” she asked around a mouthful of one of Irma’s excellent muffins.

“Yep,” Pelle said, grinning. “The young men will run alongside it with sticks to keep it upright. If it makes it to the lake without tipping over, it’s a good omen for the next year.”

“Huh,” Dani said, trying to imagine it. “Sounds dangerous. Will you be running with the wheel tonight, Pelle?”

Before he could answer, Siv chimed in, “Unfortunately, as May King, Pelle will have to miss out this year, as he will be attending our May Queen.”

Dani looked at Siv suspiciously. “And what will the May Queen be doing? Does she get to keep her clothes on this time?”

Siv laughed uproariously at that. “Yes, my dear. You may keep your clothes on if you like. The May Queen’s only duty tonight is to bless the wheel before we light it. You and Pelle will watch from the top of the hill, and cheer along with the rest of the family. And before you ask,” she said, forestalling Dani’s interruption, “no, this is not a modified duty to keep you safe.”

Pelle nodded in agreement, polishing off his third, no, fourth muffin. Dani allowed herself to be appeased, but she had a sneaking suspicion that the May King typically ran with the other men too, and his duties had been modified to make sure the May Queen got into no further trouble.

A knock sounded on the living room door, and Hanna’s head peeked in. She looked at Dani warily but was relieved to see her smiling and herself again.

“Hanna, come in,” Siv offered kindly. “There might be some crumbs lille Pelle hasn’t gotten to yet.”

Hanna laughed and shook her head. “I was just going to bathe before dinner, and I thought perhaps Dani would like to join.”

“God, yes,” Dani said emphatically. She was still in the robe Pelle had wrapped around her the night before, and the only part of her that had been washed was her right foot.

She lifted herself out of the chair using her crutches and glanced at Pelle. He waved her on. “Go ahead, Dani. Enjoy yourself. I’ll see you back here for the walk to dinner. I need to get cleaned up myself."

“Enjoy, my darlings,” Siv said as the women walked out the door, leaving the matriarch and the May King alone in the Queen’s living room.

“She is quite something, my child,” Siv said when she heard the outer door close. “Stubborn and proud, but strong and beautiful and kind.” Pelle beamed, proud of Dani and the impression she had made on his family. “She’ll take my place one day, if she stays.”

“If, Grandmother?” Pelle asked. “Do you think she could still leave us?”

“Yes, my darling, there’s still a chance,” Siv said tenderly. “I don’t want to dash your hopes, but she hasn’t made her mind up yet. She won’t discuss it with me; I think she’s afraid to. But she’s still deciding.”

Pelle wanted to ask her how she knew if Dani wasn’t saying anything to her, but he didn’t. Grandmother Siv always knew, and she was always right. “What can I do, Grandmother? How can I convince her to stay?”

“Be patient, lille Pelle,” she coached him. “Dani will tell you what she needs to make her choice.” Siv glanced at the door to the outside. “When she’s ready.”

Chapter Text

The rolling of the wheel took place during the few dark hours of the night. After dinner, Siv released a grateful Dani to go back to the Queen’s house to rest before the event. Pelle was also released from his duties to attend to her needs with an ironic wink. Exhausted in every way, they simply crammed themselves into the narrow bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, and slept until Hanna came to wake them.

Dani was still stiff and sore, and she groaned as she peeled herself away from Pelle, nearly falling to the floor in the process. He caught her, pulling her back for a kiss before he let her go to try again. More successful this time, she sat up on the edge of the bed, stretching with a muffled, “ow.”

Pelle sat up next to her and dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “How are you feeling?” he asked, with a half-smile that said he already knew the answer.

“Peachy,” she said wryly, leaning into his side. “Are we sure it’s strictly necessary to go to this tonight? And is there not a double bed anywhere in this village?”

He laughed. “First, yes, there is one double bed. It’s in the matriarch’s room. If you want to ask Siv to give it up, you go right ahead.”

“Ah, no,” she said emphatically. “We can squish for now.”

“And second,” he said, standing and stretching, “we are definitely not missing the rolling of the wheel. This is my favorite event, and I’ve been waiting to share it with you.”

His excitement was palpable, even without her new sense. Contagious, too. Waking up more now, Dani was beginning to look forward to an event where, fingers crossed, no one got hurt and she got to wear clothes.

“Do the men who run with the wheel have to do it naked?” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow at that. “No, they’ll be dressed.”

“Oh,” she said with a disgruntled look. “That’s not fair.”

That made him laugh out loud, and he said, “Don’t worry, there are more events coming up. Plenty of nudity for you to enjoy.”

She threw her pillow at him playfully. He leaned over her and whispered in her ear, “And you can see me naked whenever you want.”

She blushed, and he kissed her behind her ear. She watched him shake out his clothes with a smile. Conflict still raged within her, but no matter how angry she was, how sickened by what she had seen, she could not help but love this man.

He handed her crutches to her saying, “Unless you want me to carry you?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll walk on my own three feet, thanks.” He helped her up and onto her crutches.

“Ready?” he asked, vibrating with excitement.

“I feel like a mushroom that’s been forgotten in the back of the fridge, but other than that, yes. I’m ready,” she said, shaking out her solstice dress.

------

They met Siv, Sten, and the rest of the family at the bonfire. The party had gone on without them, and the young men were all laughing and jostling each other as they got ready to run. Dani could feel Pelle next to her, watching them and wishing to be amongst them. He excused himself for a minute to go rile up them and join in their banter. She looked from him to the gathered men to her crutches and made up her mind.

“Grandmother,” she said turning to Siv.

“Yes, my dear?” Siv asked.

“If the May Queen leads the swimmers in the torch swim, would it not be traditional for the May King to lead the runners for the rolling of the wheel?” Dani asked pointedly.

“Well…” Siv started, but Dani shook her head, stopping her.

“Please let him go, Grandmother,” she asked simply. “It’s his favorite event. Can’t you see how badly he wants it? I promise to behave myself and use my crutches,” she added.

They both looked at Pelle, jostling and joking with his brothers. His face was glowing, a huge smile spread across his face. Siv smiled at Dani and nodded. “You’re right, of course, my child. You tell him.”

Dani caught Pelle’s eye and waved him over. He excused himself from the men and trotted to her side. “Yes, älskling?”

She tried to look as majestic as possible on two wooden crutches and announced in her best Siv voice, “As May Queen, I require my King to lead the men in the rolling of the wheel that he may ensure our prosperity for the coming year.”

A raucous cheer went up from the men, and Pelle’s smile nearly split his face. “You sure?” he asked Dani. “You’ll be okay?”

“Yes,” she said laughing. “Stop babysitting me and go have fun.”

He grabbed her and kissed her gratefully, to another round of cheers from the men. “Thank you, älskling. Thank you!” he called out, running off to lead his brothers in their duty.

She shook her head, laughing, and said to Siv, “I think he’s happy.”

“Oh, yes,” Siv said knowingly. “In so many ways.”

Dani smiled to herself, watching him, thinking for now, for just this moment, she was happy too.

------

Siv, Sten, Dani, and Pelle lead the family to the top of the hillside by the lake.  When they arrived, a massive wooden wheel, decorated with flowers and wreaths, stood waiting.  Dani looked up at the huge structure and simply said, “Wow.”

“Right?” Pelle said.  “See? Aren’t you glad you got out of bed for this?”

She grinned at him and said, “Yes, if only to see you like this… my love.”

His eyes softened at the term of endearment, and he kissed her cheek lightly. “I wouldn’t be half as happy without you by my side, älskling.”

“All right, you two,” Sten announced, clapping Pelle on the shoulder. “It’s time.”

“Excuse me, my queen,” Pelle said, bowing to her formally. “I must ready my men.”

“You are excused, on the condition that the wheel makes it to the lake. If not, I shall hold you personally responsible,” she told him sternly, but with a playful sparkle in her eyes.

“Yes, milady,” he said, bowing again and running off to the waiting assembly of stick-bearers.

“Are you ready to bless the wheel, my dear?” Siv asked Dani.

“What do I say?”

“I’ll give you the words,” Siv reassured her.

Matriarch and Queen went together then to stand next to the wheel, and Siv held her hands up for attention.  The family quieted down, although a buzz still ran through the crowd, as Siv announced, “It is time for our fair queen to bless the wheel.” The Hårgans cheered merrily, and Dani placed her hands on the wheel.

Siv gave her the blessing one phrase at a time, and she repeated it back loudly for all to hear. It was not Swedish, nor English. Old Norse she guessed. She gathered overall that the wheel was meant to ward off evil spirits who would threaten the family, however. She still felt a bit like a charlatan, but the festive spirit had overtaken her. She played her role to the best of her ability.

Once she had blessed the wheel, she and Siv sat down in chairs that had been brought, she guessed, so the maimed May Queen wouldn’t have to stand. Normally, she’d feel embarrassed. Tonight, she was grateful. Her whole body ached, and the crutches were digging into her underarms.

Turbeyon led several other men Fall men to the wheel. Dani guessed this was an honor given to the one she hadn’t chosen, and her stomach twisted at the sight of him. Would she feel any better if she had picked him instead of Christian? What would have happened to her, and to Christian if she had?  She sighed, guessing she’d never know the answer.

Siv, always observant, laid a grandmotherly hand on Dani’s, squeezing her gently. She remembered Pelle urging her not to hide her feelings, and all the times her sisters had suffered along with her. She gave her matriarch a sad smile, not hiding her grief, and she was rewarded with an answering look and a lightening of her heart at the shared burden.

Turbeyon and the other men rolled the wheel to the edge of the hill, and Pelle approached with a burning torch.  The crowd grew quiet as he approached and lit the hay inside. Dry, from last summer, and strategically placed, the wheel went up with a “whoosh”.  Dani’s stomach somersaulted.

The crowd roared with delight, and the Fall men gave a mighty shove that sent the wheel rolling.  With cheers and whoops, the younger men ran down the hill beside the wheel with their sticks, making sure it did not fall.

Tears were flowing freely from Dani’s eyes now, the emotions from the fire temple flooding her body. She didn’t try to stop them. She let them flow through her as she sobbed quietly, Siv holding her hand.

Hanna, attuned to her friend as always, turned and saw Dani’s face. With a quick word to Karin, she ran to Dani’s side, followed shortly by all the former queens. They helped Dani onto the ground and cried with her, Hanna’s arms wrapped around her tightly. 

Sitting there in the grass weeping, surrounded by her sisters, watching the men guide a fiery wheel down the hill to the lake below, she was suddenly struck by a feeling she had not known before – a feeling of belonging to something bigger than she was. A family. A real family.

------

The wheel rolled into the lake with a giant splash and a gust of steam.  Pelle and his men celebrated wildly, tossing each other into the lake. Pelle found himself wishing desperately that Ingemar was here. If he was, Pelle would already be soaked.

But just as the thought hit him, Evert and three other men picked him up and launched him into the water, crown of ferns and all. He came out soaking wet and laughing. Evert clapped him good-naturedly on the back with a nod of acknowledgement, and Pelle was relieved that there was no ill will there. 

After letting the men celebrate for a few minutes, Pelle shouted, “Come on, men! Let’s go back to the top of the hill to get our rewards from the women!” Cheers and bawdy remarks assailed him as he led the men back up the hill, looking very much forward to Dani’s favors.

As he crested the hilltop, however, he was met with the sight of Dani, wrapped in Hanna’s arms and surrounded by summer women, with tear tracks down her face, her eyes and nose red from crying. His heart sank at the sight, and he approached slowly, a bit fearful that she may have spun into rage again.  But when she saw him, she signaled Karin for her crutches.  Hanna helped her up and onto them, and she came out to meet him, swinging her injured right foot in the air. 

“My King,” she announced proudly, her voice clear and even. “You and your men have done our family a great service today, ensuring our safety and prosperity in the year to come.  Please, allow me to reward you.” 

She dropped her crutches and opened her arms to him.  He put his arms around her waist and lifted her into the air, kissing her thoroughly while the family cheered around them. She wrapped her legs around his waist and rewarded him enthusiastically.

When she pulled back, Pelle was relieved to see genuine laughter in her eyes. She tried to get down, but he held her long enough to whisper, “You okay?” in her ear.

“Yeah, better now,” she told him softly with a real smile.

Pelle did not know what happened, but she seemed to be in good spirits. He held her hand while the family swirled around them, talking and laughing, congratulating him and “his men”, and applauding her for her May Queen performance. It was chaotic and joyous and vibrant, and they stood in the center of it all, like the eye of a great storm.

------

Pelle and Dani walked back from the lake before the rest of the family. She was still weak from heat stroke and infection, sore from the swim, and emotionally sapped from everything else. She was still pale, and Jarl was adamant she get more sleep.

As they walked, he recounted the trip down the hill with the wheel for her, dramatizing every moment it started to tip, making her laugh with his reenactments. He finished his tale as they reached the edge of the village, and she said obligingly, “Well, it sounds like you’re lucky to be alive.”

He laughed, but a serious look crossed his face. He stepped in front of her on the path and placed his hands on her neck, thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I am, Dani, and it’s because of you. Without you, I wouldn’t be here now. I owe you my life.”

She smiled, but weakly, and a shadow crossed her face. He pulled her into his arms and said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Dani shook her head. “No, we have to be able to talk about it. If… If I decide to stay, I can’t be dissolving into tears every time I’m reminded.”

His heart sank when she said ‘if’. Siv had warned him, but he had hoped her forgiveness meant she would stay. “Is that what happened tonight?” he asked the top of her head.

She nodded sadly. “When you lit the wheel.”

He winced. “Jävla, Dani, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. When you asked if we had to go…”

She stopped him with a kiss. “Don’t apologize, Pelle. Watching you tonight… it made me so happy seeing you with your brothers.”

“Dani, if you don’t stay, I won’t either,” he said, making a sudden decision. “I love you, and I’ll go wherever you are.”  She was shaking her head when he said, “with or without your permission.”

That made her smile. “Oh, Pelle, älskling,” she said, and his heart warmed to hear the word. “I’ve seen you with and without your family. You need them, and they need you. I can’t be what takes you away from them. You belong here,” she added emphatically.

“So do you,” he replied.

She smiled. “That’s actually what helped, tonight. I did what you told me to do. I let Hanna and Siv see my tears, and they and Karin and all the sisters surrounded me and cried with me, and everyone around us was cheering for you…” she laughed. “It was almost absurd, the contrast. And I felt that too, that maybe here is where I belong.”

He smiled with joy and asked, “So will you stay?”

She wanted so much to tell him yes, to give him that gift and see the joy cross his face, to fall into that tiny bed with him tonight and just be together. But the fire temple still burned in her mind.

“And watch Siv’s attestupa?” she asked quietly. “Yours? Do it myself? Carry the mallet? Become an elder and decide who lives and who dies? And we won’t even mention the visions. I love you, and I love them, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this. It might break me in the end.”

His smile faded as she spoke. Even he, raised Hårgan as he was, had struggled to watch the Attestupan, had wrestled with the necessity of the offerings. How much harder must it be for her, raised in a world where such things were not only barbaric; they were crimes. And the visions of Eirunn, her new sight – what else would happen to her that they couldn’t understand, let alone predict, if she stayed? He crushed her against his chest, overcome with emotions so strong he could not name them.

She clung to him too, and he felt her tears wetting the front of his shirt. How many had she cried this week? Because of him? Because of them?

“Älskling, I’m so sorry,” he said, for the first time truly understanding what he was apologizing for. “I brought you here because I wanted to save you; but I put you through hell instead.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” she offered, smiling shyly up at him. “There were a lot of parts I genuinely liked.”

“Oh yeah?” he said, accepting the gift. “Like what?”

“The bathhouse,” she said, with genuine passion in her voice.  He laughed at that.

“What else?” he asked, trying to shift her back to what she loved, what she would miss if she left.

“Grandma Irma’s food, the flowers, Grandma Siv, Hanna… you,” she finished softly. “You’re my favorite part.”

“You’re my favorite part too, älskling,” he responded softly. 

She looked at him longingly. “It’s been a long day, my King. Will you take me to bed?”

“To bed? Or to sleep?” he asked mischievously.

“Both,” she demanded, “in that order.”

“Yes, my queen,” and sweeping her up in his arms, he carried her back to the queen’s house.

------

Dani lay awake in the narrow bed, listening to Pelle breathing softly beside her. Practically on top of me, she thought. Sharing a twin bed with a man who was 6’3” and as broad he was tall was quickly losing its allure. 

He had made love to her when they got back, so tender and loving; she had almost cried again when they came together. Being with him, feeling his emotions as easily as his touch, was like nothing she’d ever experienced. It overwhelmed her senses, and she lost herself in him every time. But he was sleeping peacefully now, his emotions quiet.

Hers were not. She tossed and turned as best she could on six inches of bed space, replaying their conversation again and again. The festival was coming to an end; in three days, she had a flight back to New York. Would she be on it?

Pelle had offered to leave with her. More specifically he said that if she left, he’d follow whether she wanted him to or not. She looked over at him sleeping and smiled. She had been shocked by his statement. For a moment, she was tempted to take him up on it. They could leave this place and never come back, leave behind the memories and the loss and the guilt. And never again see the light in his eyes that she had seen tonight.

She couldn’t ask him to give up his family for her. She didn’t particularly want to give them up either.  Over the week, she’d grown to love Siv, Hanna, Karin, and Irma. Would she never play with the musicians again? Never eat Irma’s pancakes? Never sit in the bathhouse with Hanna again? Never discuss the latest man Karin had caught in her web?

But the costs were high. The attestupan alone was enough to send her running back to New York. Could she live with the memories of the fire temple, the constant reminders of what she had witnessed? What she had done? And if they had children, could she give them up to the group to raise? Be one mother among many? Could she let the elders dictate her work for the rest of her life? Could she worship the old gods in the old ways?

In the early hours of the morning, she quietly left the bed to go to the bathroom. She was careful not to wake Pelle, hobbling as silently as she could on her crutches. There was no bathroom in the queen’s house; they all used shared facilities. The village was fast asleep, and she was grateful not to run into anyone. She was too wrapped up in her thoughts to spare any for anyone else.

It was on her way back that inspiration struck. She was staring at the blue sky, wishing fervently for darkness and stars, when it came to her.  It was something she’d only read about, and there was no one but Eirunn to guide her. But, well, they wanted a völva.  She might as well use völva practices. She’d have to convince Siv. And Jarl and Pelle would throw fits when they found out. But damn it, she was the May Queen, and she would not let them tell her no.

------

The next morning, she woke early and strategically sent Pelle off to the showers so she could talk to Siv in private.  She was already dressed when Hanna came in to wake her. “Good morning, my queen,” she said in surprise when she found Dani attempting to braid her own hair.

“Good morning, Hanna. How do you all do this?” she asked in frustration, letting her hair fall again.

Hanna laughed, “Lots of practice, my queen, since childhood. Let me help you.” She braided Dani’s hair deftly and pinned a fresh flower crown on top of her head. “Are you ready for today’s festivities?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Dani said, and headed out to find Siv at the breakfast table, sipping coffee and reading quietly.

“Good morning, my child,” she greeted Dani warmly. “I’m surprised to see you up so early. It was quite a late night.”

“Good morning, Grandmother.” Dani sank down into a chair across from Siv and set her crutches aside. “Can we talk? There is something I need your help with.”

“Of course, darling. If I can assist you, I will.”

“Hanna,” Dani turned to her friend, “will you let Jarl know I’m up and ask him if he’d mind coming here to check my bandages? I’ll need his help too. Well, permission more like.”

Siv raised an eyebrow at that, and Hanna rushed off to find Jarl. Dani privately thought her haste had more to do with the doctor than helping her friend, but she was happy to give Hanna the excuse to see him again.

“And what do you mean to do that you need our doctor’s permission?” Siv asked skeptically. Dani was proving to be as willful as Pelle could be. It made them a good match, but Siv thought her hair would be stark white before this festival was over.

“Let me ask you this, Grandmother. How much do you know about the völva practice of outsitting?”

Chapter Text

The evening’s bonfire was well under way when Dani departed with Pelle in tow. He carried a blanket and her staff while she navigated the rough terrain on her crutches. She tried to convince him to stay behind and get some sleep, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He could not sleep peacefully while she sat up in the woods all night.

According to her research this past spring, “outsitting” was a common practice of völvas. They would rub henbane oil on their nether regions and then spend the night sitting in the wilderness waiting for a vision. Back then Dani thought the vision had more to do with the hallucinogenic properties of the henbane than anything spiritual. However, she had seen enough this last week to make her willing to take the chance. She needed outside guidance, and there was nowhere else to get it.

She was right, though, Jarl and Pelle had both vehemently protested this idea. It had taken a lot to convince Siv, but the matriarch knew better than to argue with a 90-year-May Queen who had made up her mind. Jarl, however, had declared both Dani and Siv insane and refused to take responsibility for it, storming out of the queen’s house when neither would back down. He’d immediately gone to find Pelle, told him of Dani’s plan, and trusted the May King to talk some sense into them.

Pelle had no better luck, however. He had threatened to tie Dani to the maypole if he had to, but against his queen and his matriarch, he was no match. He gave in reluctantly when she agreed to take him with her.

They made their way far out into the woods, past the grove where she and Pelle had first made love. The grove had been her first thought when choosing a place, but you could still hear the celebrations from the village there. And, too, the grove would always be her and Pelle’s place. She didn’t think she could be objective there.

She glanced over at him hiking up the hill beside her. She wasn’t sure how objective she could be anyway now that he insisted on coming with her. His emotions were flooding her senses, strong as they were today. He’d have to stay far away while she did this, and she doubted he’d agree. He’d been vibrating with barely concealed tension since he’d first barged into the queen’s living room. He didn’t ask what she was seeking guidance about. He knew.

Siv had helped her with the henbane oil. Jarl wasn’t as familiar with the more herbal healing remedies, but Siv was old enough to remember when such things were commonplace. She carried the jar in a pouch hanging from the belt around her waist, tied over the völva dress. If Lauren were here, she’d tease Dani that she’d become a real witch now. Hopefully, no one would get the urge to burn her.

“We’re almost there,” Pelle said, pulling her out of her reverie. “It’s just up ahead.”

He pushed aside a low branch and held it while she ducked down and into the clearing. He had brought her to the shore of the river outside their village. It was slow-moving, quiet, and calm. The sand ahead looked soft and clean. Behind her and across the river, green trees rose tall. She turned slowly under an arching blue sky. She’d have to come back here to see the auroras, later in the year when it actually got dark. Maybe.

“Pelle, this is perfect.”

He grinned at her. “I knew it would be. Where do you want me to be?”

“As far away as you can handle.” She rolled her eyes.

Pelle shook his head. “You’re not going to be out of my sight. I’m not going to have you eaten by a wolf or carried away by elves.”

“Elves? Not likely,” Dani teased.

“Says the völva,” Pelle countered.

She laughed. “All right, be protective.”

She looked at the sand, and then her crutches. “I don’t think these are going to work out there,” she said reluctantly.

“Wait here.” He took the blanket and her staff out onto beach and selected a spot for her. He spread the blanket out, placed her staff on top, and came back to her waiting in the grass.

He picked her up in his arms, carried her out to the blanket, and let her feet slide down to the ground, still holding her around her waist. Her nerves jangled, and she leaned against him unconsciously. “I’m expecting to be out here all night, and I need privacy and quiet to concentrate. Please don’t interrupt me unless it’s an emergency or I ask for you.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t disturb you,” he said. “But I’ll be close. If you need anything, all you need to do is call me.”

She nodded, biting her lower lip. In truth, she was glad he was here. She had no idea how the henbane would affect her, and she’d rather not be eaten by a wolf while high as kite. Or sober, for that matter.

Pelle grabbed her chin and turned her face to his. “Hey, Dani, be careful.”

She opened her mouth to tease him about his concern, but when she looked in his eyes, her irritation evaporated. “I’ll be careful. And you’ll be here to protect me.”

“This thing you’re trying to do… it’s not something to mess with. You are the strongest woman I know, but we don’t know anything about this. No one in Hårga has any experience with these things, and neither do you,” he insisted, unmoved by her flattery.

She took a deep breath and steadied herself. “Eirunn does, and she’ll be with me.” She hoped she sounded a lot more confident than she was.

He hugged her tight and was about to leave when she grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him in for a kiss. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. Thank you for coming. I’m glad you’re here.”

He grinned at her, kissed her thoroughly, and then loped off into the forest.

Dani watched him go, then turned and frowned at the water. She had been very sure of herself when she presented this plan to Siv, but standing on the bank of the river now, one foot held aloft like a flamingo, she was less certain. She glanced back to the spot where Pelle had disappeared. He’d gone far enough she couldn’t feel him anymore. She felt suddenly very small and very alone.

Well, in for a penny, she thought, and pulled out the oil. She opened the jar and looked at it doubtfully. She had no idea about the dosage. She scooped out a good-sized glob and applied it under her skirt. She sat down on the blanket, cross-legged with her hands resting on her knees. This was as much information as any of the books ever had. She hoped there were no special incantations needed to start the process. She suddenly wished Siv was here.

She hadn’t been this alone since her family passed away. Christian was always there, or Lauren. And this week she’d never been more than a few feet from a Hårgan. Pelle, are you there? She reached out, but she couldn’t feel him. Was she even capable of being alone anymore?

She wasn’t doing a very good job of clearing her thoughts.

Exhale-inhale. All right, focus. She resettled herself and tried to concentrate on the task at hand. God, gods, goddesses, whatever you are. I don’t know how to do this, but I need your help. Do I stay here in Hårga? Can I bear it?

She stretched out with her feelings, tried to sense something bigger the way she felt for Pelle. But she found only emptiness. She tried to meditate, but her thoughts were chaotic, clouded. She persisted stubbornly, trying over and over again, until she was tired, frustrated, and hungry. Angry tears were seeping out of her eyes. The past six months had been hell. She had lost everyone she loved. Almost everyone, her mind offered.

Hey, I thought you were the practical one? she thought back.

Great, now I’m talking to myself.

And now she was sitting here with hallucinogenic substances on her genitals in a dead woman’s dress hoping for guidance from a bunch of moldy old gods. “And you can’t even give me that, can you?” she spat at the sky.

A sob shook her, threatening to break her fragile control. She wiped angrily at the tears running down her face and fought down the urge to call for Pelle. She wanted to run to him, to let him wrap her up in his arms, tell her everything was going to be okay. But she worried that if she kept running to him, she’d never have the strength to stand on her own.

Making it on your own wasn’t the Hårgan way, but she wasn’t truly Hårgan. Or was she? She was as confused as she had been when they set out on the trail after dinner, and the night was growing dark.

Exhale-inhale. Focus again. Reach out. Ask for guidance. She tried again with no more success than she’d had before.

“Eirunn, please help me,” she whispered under her breath, closing her eyes. “I can’t do this without you.”

Dani felt a softness on her cheek, but it might have just been the breeze. She stretched out her feelings again and caught the barest hint of Pelle. He’d moved closer. She smiled to herself. She wasn’t alone.

Exhale-inhale. Her neck was getting stiff, and she tilted her head back to stretch it, opening her eyes to the sky. She blinked twice when she saw it, but it didn’t change.

The sky was full of thousands of stars, far more than should have been visible at this time of year. More than that, the sky was a watercolor canvas of magenta, teal, and violet. Her mouth hung open as she watched a shooting star course across the sky.

She looked down to see the reflection in the river, but the river was gone. She rose to her feet quickly, her right foot fully healed, and spun around. She was no longer on the river. Thick tree roots rose up around her, and a massive ash tree stretched overhead, touching the sky. She had never seen anything like it; it could have held its own with the skyscrapers in New York. The leaves glowed a deep emerald while galaxies rested in the branches.

Strands of green floated through the air, as if emanating out of the giant tree. They faded in and out of her vision, but she found when she reached out that she could touch them, pull them towards her, feel their length.

Between Dani and the massive tree, she saw a well nestled into the roots. It was built from a stone she had never seen before, glassy like marble and the deep red of fresh blood. Two swans swam lazily in the water, their feathers blindingly white.

A slender blonde woman sat amongst the roots, perhaps mid 40s and skin pale as the moon. She had no eyes; instead, a white light glowed from her eye sockets. On her forehead, a full moon was emblazoned in dark blue. She held a branch from the ash tree on her lap, cutting it into smaller pieces.

Another woman carried away the branches as they were cut to length. To each branch she would attach a thread of green from the tree. She was brunette, young, and plump. Her no-eyes glowed the same as the other woman’s, and she held a smile in the corners of her mouth. A gibbous moon sat on her forehead.

A third woman was carving runes into each branch. She was elderly, wrinkled, with grey hair and knobby hands that looked arthritic but weren’t slowed with pain. On her forehead shone the crescent moon.

Eirunn appeared in the roots of the tree and walked up to Dani, a soft smile on her face. “Grandmother,” Dani said in a sigh of relief. Eirunn smiled and nodded, gesturing back to the women in front of them. Dani turned her attention back to them, watching them work.

These must be the Norns, and she must be at the base of Yggdrasil. She reached into her memory to recall their names – Urđr (what has been), Verđandi (what is), and Skuld (what is to be). They set the fates of all people before they were born, down to the day of their death. She stood in silent awe as she watched the women work.

Skuld caught sight of Dani and Eirunn as she was passing between roots. She gave them each a long look and then beckoned to Dani. Dani approached, and the old woman led her to a rack of finished branches, each one of a different length and covered in runes. Skuld sorted through these until she found the one she wanted and removed it from the rack.

Turning to Dani, she grasped one end of the branch and split it in two to nearly the other end, turning it into an exaggerated y-shape. This she placed in Dani’s hands. Dani looked at the branch and saw her name carved into the side in runes. Her head snapped up again quickly, looking to the old woman and then to Eirunn. This was her branch.

Eirunn pointed to the branch and Dani looked down again. Raidho, Dagaz, and Fehu clustered around the point where the split began. Eirunn touched the split end of the stick, and the world tree and the Norns fell away from her sight.

She was 6 years old playing in the backyard with Terri. They were climbing trees, which they were explicitly not supposed to do. Dani remembered this day; she’d fall from the tree and break her arm. Terri refused to leave Dani’s side until the cast was on and they were back home.

She was 16. Terri was leaving for college. She wasn’t going far, just the University of Minnesota in Duluth. It was a little over 2 hours from Andover, but to Dani it felt like she was going to the other end of the world. Terri had been her rock for as long as she could remember; she didn’t know what she was going to do without her.

She was 19, on her way to a party with Lauren who was intent on finding them some hot guys. Dani wasn’t looking for anyone, but she’d meet Christian at this party. They’d start dating right away, and they would stay together until now. He was her first, and only, long term relationship.

She was 23 at the end of the Midsommar festival. She and Pelle were in the hayfields, dressed in crimson robes, crowns of flowers and ferns on their heads. He kissed her softly, and she felt the warmth starting between her thighs.

She was 24, back in New York, alone and pregnant. Lauren was there, but not Pelle. She was scared, conflicted, and weeping.

She was 36, helping her daughter with her homework. Her daughter had Pelle’s wavy hair and blue eyes but Dani’s upturned nose and full mouth. It was just the two of them in a small house in the suburbs. She would never trust another man again. She stroked her daughter’s hair and smiled lovingly over her. She was happy, the Midsommar festival forgotten in the everyday busyness of her life.

She was 54. Her daughter was graduating from her doctorate program with Lauren and her in attendance. They were celebrating outside the university. Dani felt a sense of completion. 

She was 72. She was alone in a nursing home, paralyzed from a stroke. She had pneumonia, and she was dying. She’d had a good life, lonely except for her daughter and Lauren. But she had been happy in her way. She had long since forgiven herself for what happened in Sweden, and she was proud that she had left Hårga and raised her daughter alone.

She was 24 again, very pregnant but not alone. She was sitting with Hanna, carving runes while the other women embroidered. Pelle came up behind her and kissed her on the neck. She could see the strands of seiđr faintly in the air around her. She was happy.

She was 36, dressed in the clothes of a völva. Her daughter was there pretending to call the spirits with her staff while Dani worked at the seiđr strings. Pelle was playing with a blond boy the very image of Terri. Their son. They were all dressed in solstice blue and white. Pelle’s eyes met Dani’s, and they shared a long look of love and joy.

She was 54, the matriarch of the family, singing from the Rubi Radr at Siv and Sven’s attestupan. The family was in her hands now. Not hers alone though. Pelle was there, Hanna, Karin, even Evert and Valentin. She felt the threads of her family surrounding her, supporting her, and leaning on her. But in the midst of it all, she felt a familiar pain, still haunted by the memories of her first Midsommar.

She was 72. She was on the cliffs. Her daughter and her son stood below her among her family. Pelle waited on the cliffs behind her. He would join her soon. They would never part, not even in death. Among the Hårgans below, all dressed in solstice white and blue, she saw three figures in yellow. Her parents and Terri. They had come to call her home.

Then, as suddenly as it began, it was over. She fell to her knees among the roots of the world tree, shook and exhausted by what she had just experienced. Eirunn placed a soothing hand on her back. Skuld took Dani’s life-branch back and fused the split end together. She could only choose one path, but which one would it be?

Eirunn pulled her back to her feet and held her as Dani had seen other Hårgans do, with one arm around her waist and one hand cupped behind her head.  Dani followed her lead and stared into her eyes.  She went deep into Eirunn then, diving down into her to find love, loss, joy, and sorrow, but through it all the overwhelming sense of home. 

She came back to herself on the shore of the river with no notion of how much time had passed. It was bright day, but that was almost meaningless at midsummer. It felt like centuries. She was still alone in the sand, but she no longer felt alone. Whatever was out there, it had certainly responded to her. What she would do with this new information, she didn’t yet know.

------

Pelle had been watching her for hours. She hadn’t moved an inch, and it was straining every muscle in his body to keep his promise and not barge in to check on her. He was pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Jarl was right; they had been insane to let her do this.

He checked his phone – 5:17. She’d been out there for more than six hours. He thought he couldn’t stand it anymore when he saw her try to rise to her feet. Her leg buckled, and she fell back to the blanket.

By the time Pelle was conscious of making the decision to go, he was already running flat out across the sand. He was at her side in a moment, lifting her into his arms and calling her name. Her eyes were open and clear, and she smiled up at him. “It’s okay, Pelle. It worked."

Chapter Text

Dani and Pelle made their way off the beach and back into the path, she carrying her staff and he carrying her crutches. "Dani, I promised myself I wouldn't ask you questions after... after all this." He waved his hands in the air to encompass the eeriness of Eirunn and her visions. "But..." he stopped, gesturing at her foot.

"Honestly, Pelle, I have no idea," she said, yawning hard. "When I came back, it was just better."

He raised his eyebrow when she said "came back," and she could feel him choking back the question - back from where? And how was she going to answer that?

"I think..." she started and then paused, gathering her thoughts. "If I had to guess, I'd say it was Eirunn. Vovlas were known as healers, and you did say her name was associated with the goddess of healing." 

Pelle shook his head, still not sure how much of it all he could believe. Dani's visions had shown themselves to be unnervingly accurate, and her ability to sense his emotions seemed not all that far-fetched. But he didn't think he was ready for magical healings.

"Volvas," he said, with a disgruntled tone.

She laughed and leaned more heavily into him as they walked, enjoying the warm, solid feel of him after a night of visions.  They were all still fresh in her mind’s eye. Her daughter. Their daughter. And their son. If she stayed. The Norns had shown her that she had a choice, and they had shown her what it would cost. She could free her conscience if she left, but she would lose the man she loved, their son, and the people that were now her family. She could do it alone; she knew that now. Or she could stay, spend her life surrounded with love and family, and face the Attestupa and the guilt of her complicity in nine human sacrifices for the rest of her life.

What the Norns hadn’t shown Dani was how leaving would affect Pelle and the rest of the Hårgans. She needed to know what would happen here before she could decide. She could wait and ask Siv. The older woman would know what the elders intended. Dani still wasn’t sure that she trusted Siv enough to tell her the full truth. Pelle, however, would tell her everything he knew. He had held nothing back from her since the fire temple. She smiled to herself; he couldn’t if he tried with her new sense.

“Pelle?”

“Yes, Dani?”

“I… I need to ask you something.” She glanced sideways at him.

“You can ask me anything, älskling,” he said encouragingly.

She gave him a grateful half-smile. “I need to ask you… what happens if I want to leave?”

She saw his face drop, felt her words land like a lead weight in his stomach.

“I’m not saying I’m going to!” she rushed to reassure him, gripping him tighter. “I just need to know. I need to understand… all of it,” she finished lamely.

“It’s all right. You deserve to know.” He took a deep breath and looked around. “Not here though,” he said. They were still on the trail but with trees clustered tightly around. Two could walk side by side, but there was no place to sit and talk, no room to lay out the blanket. He wanted to have this conversation face to face. They were close to their grove; that would be best.

He led her down the trail silently. Dani could feel him gathering his thoughts, feel the soft threads of each idea being pulled past her into him, where he could sort and organize each carefully. His disquiet worried her. Perhaps they wouldn’t let her leave after all.

After a few more minutes of heavy silence, they reached their grove. Pelle spread the blanket on the dew wet grass. He sat down cross-legged on one side, pulling her down with him to sit facing him. He took both of her hands in his and readied himself. She felt his unease and braced herself for what he would say.

“Regardless of whether you choose to stay or go, you will be safe,” he started, easing her worst fears immediately. “You do have a choice, Dani. I won’t let anything bad happen to you again,” he said earnestly.

“Thank you,” she replied softly. “But I don’t understand how. Wouldn’t you need some… assurance? I mean, you can’t just let an outsider witness… that and let them go freely.” Unconsciously, she stroked his fingers with her thumbs.

Pelle nodded. “Yes. Whether you go or stay, the disappearances of the other guests will have to be addressed. And if you told people what happened here… well, it could destroy the family.” He paused to let that sink in and gauge her reaction. She had grown to love the family as much as he did. But underneath that, she could still be angry enough to want to burn them all to the ground. He knew the fire that lived inside her.

“So,” he continued after a few moments, “if you decide you want to leave, Siv and Mats will ask you to sign a non-disclosure agreement. My understanding is that it isn’t really valid if it’s asking you to cover up something illegal, but they’ll ask anyway in the hope it will keep you silent.”

“And if I won’t sign it?” she asked. “Or if I do and run to the nearest police station anyway?”

He sighed heavily, “Then Siv and Mats have my confession, signed and notarized, that I was the one responsible.”

Her mouth dropped open in shock. Whatever she thought he might say, it wasn’t that.

“What?” she asked, voice louder than she intended.

“If you tell people what happened here, I’ll take the blame for it,” he said, talking quickly now. “We’ll say the fire temple is a hallucination you had from the drugs and the trauma. But I’ll take the blame for the deaths of Simon, Connie, Mark, Josh, and Christian. I’ll say I killed Simon and Connie for betraying Ingemar, and that I killed the others because I thought that you’d stay here with me if they were gone. Ingemar and Ulf tried to stop me, and I killed them by accident. They’ll call me crazy and lock me up, but you’ll be free, and Hårga will continue safely for another 90 years.”

Dani stared at him, her expression one of shock and disbelief. “Siv and Mats agreed to this?” How could they let him take the blame for all of them?

Pelle smiled grimly. “It took some work to convince them, but eventually yes, they agreed.” He and Siv had battled over that one. As a general rule, Pelle would not go against an elder of the family. But for Dani he would do just about anything.

“Pelle…. why? Would you really do that for your family?” she asked intensely, searching his eyes for an answer that made sense.

His smile and his eyes softened, full of his love and devotion to her. “For my family… and for you.”

“For me? I don’t understand.”

“To give you the freedom to choose.”

“That’s not freedom, Pelle.” She shook her head, frowning at him. “Not if I hurt someone I care about.”

“All choices have consequences, Dani,” Pelle said gently. “I’m just offering to take those consequences for you and for Hårga.”

Great, she thought. Another one of Eirunn’s terrible choices.

“And if I stay?” she asked quietly, a bit fearful of the answer.

“Then you’ll have to lie.” The words were blunt with no room for nuance.

Well, what did you expect? she thought to herself. Neither path got her out of dealing with what happened to Christian and the others, even if Pelle went with her. Either way she’d have to decide if she was willing to go along with the story the elders cooked up. Presumably, if she stayed, she’d be willing to lie to protect the family. If she left, though, maybe not.

Lauren – Lauren would know she was missing. She’d have to lie to her best friend, the only person outside Hårga she’d ever been completely honest with. More than that, she’d have to lie to the authorities if they came looking for the others. They all had families who would be missing them. Could she stand between them and the Hårgans, the foremost witness to it all, and lie? If not, the whole family would be in danger, Pelle most of all.

He was offering to take the blame. Four days ago, she had held him responsible for all of it. Now though, she knew he held only one share of the guilt, and the rest was spread amongst herself, Hårga, the old gods, and the spirit of a long dead völva. Could she watch him be locked away for life, knowing she was complicit?

Pelle said he would do it to give her a choice, but she knew there was more to it than that. He was giving the Hårgans a way to let her go safely with assurance that the family would be protected. He was offering himself as a sacrifice in exchange for her freedom – if she wanted it.

The silence was deafening to Pelle. He watched her contemplating his words. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead staring off into the trees as if the answer lay just beyond. She bit her lower lip as she thought; he could almost hear the wheels turning in her mind. But she gave him no reaction, no indication of what she might be thinking. Today and tomorrow were all he had to convince her to stay. What would it take?

He waited as patiently as he could. She deserved as much time as she needed. He looked down at their linked hands, trying to take encouragement from her touch. She hadn’t pulled away, but her thumbs had stopped their movements. In fact, he realized, her hands had turned stiff as wood. He looked up again.

Dani had gone still as death, as still as she had been on the sand by the river during the night. Her face was blank, and her pupils shrunk to pinpoints. She was no longer thinking. It looked to Pelle very much like Dani’s spirit had simply left her body and disappeared into the trees.

“Dani?” he called, shaking her hands gently, trying to pull her back to here and to him. “Dani?” a little louder.

Slowly, her pupils returned to normal size, and she turned from wood back to flesh, soft and warm again. She brought her eyes back to his, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Dani, what was that? What did you see last night?” he blurted out, frightened by what he had just seen. Had she cast herself back there, trying to see again whatever she had seen by the river?

“The Norns,” she said simply, and he sat back in surprise.

“What? Really?” he asked in quiet awe.

She smiled and nodded. “Pelle, I… I can’t describe it. It was the Norns and Yggdrasil, and Eirunn was there.” She was fully present with him now, excited as she described the skies, the scale of the world tree, and the women who had guided her. His Dani was back, full of light and magic as she had always been for him. “It was beautiful and massive and terrifying and… safe, all at the same time,” she finished, shrugging.

“What did they tell you?” he asked, trying to keep the question simple without a trace of the desperation he was feeling.

“They didn’t say a word. They showed me. They showed me my life before I got here, and then they showed me what my life would be if I left and if I stayed. It was so real, Pelle, like my dream with Eirunn. Like I was really there, watching everything happen in real time.” She chuckled a little and then added, “Like Ebenezer Scrooge and the Christmas ghosts.”

He smiled at her analogy. “So should I run down to the market and buy the biggest goose I can find?” He meant the question teasingly, but as soon as it was out of his mouth, he realized he had inadvertently put her on the spot. He winced at his own foolishness.

She smiled kindly, understanding his need for answers. “Pelle, I won’t tell you what I saw. It’s actually kind of awful knowing what will happen.”

She replayed her visions from the night before in her mind. She loved this place, loved this man, but she was still shocked and horrified by all that had transpired. She had asked him before to help her find a way to forgive it all, but she knew now he didn’t have the power to do that. Only she did. She wanted desperately for this to be an easy choice, but it would never be.

Nor should it be, she realized unexpectedly. This one decision would fundamentally determine the course of her life. She couldn’t leave something so important up to anyone else, not even gods. Eirunn had told her she must decide for herself, that she alone could decide her path. What the Norns had given her, she realized, was not meant to be the answer. It was the knowledge of her own strength. Whatever she decided, she would be okay.

Suddenly, the answer seemed so clear, so obvious, so easy. A radiant smile crossed her face, and she launched herself into his arms. He barely got them up in time to catch her, and they toppled backward into the grass. “Yes, Pelle, I’ll stay!” she said, laughing with newfound joy. She was free, safe and happy here in Hårga, with him.

Pelle almost wept with relief. “Dani…,” he started, but he was lost for words. Dani didn’t need any; she covered his mouth with her own and kissed him thoroughly, free now to love him with her whole heart.

Overcome with joy, he threaded a hand through her hair at the back of her head, pulling her closer to kiss her even more deeply. He tasted the salt of fresh tears, but he didn’t know if they were his or hers. It didn’t matter. They were together now; she would stay. That was all he needed to know.

------

They laid together in the grove for a long while after, holding each other and reveling in her decision to stay, when Dani suddenly asked, in a somewhat disgruntled tone, “Why is it that every time we come to this grove, I end up throwing myself at you?”

“I don’t know, but we’re coming here every day from now on,” he answered, grinning.

“Think they’ll let us get away with that?” she asked wryly.

“For two more days, yes,” he answered. “Dani…” he started, but hesitated, reconsidering.

“You can ask me anything, älskling,” she said, using the words he’d so often given her.

“Why?” he let out in sigh. “Why did you decide to stay?”

“Because I belong here,” she answered simply. “This is my home.” She gave him a long, enigmatic look and then added, “And because they need us.”

“Can you ever forgive me for what I’ve done to you, though?” he asked then, voice barely a whisper. He shouldn’t ask, not now with her decision freshly made. But he couldn’t stop himself. His heart was still breaking for her, and he needed to know she would be okay. He had done what was necessary for the family; he couldn’t regret that. However, he could hardly live with himself for the pain he’d put her through.

She turned over onto her stomach, holding herself up with her elbows to meet his eyes when she answered. “If I hadn’t been here, with the family, with Eirunn and the Norns, no, I couldn’t. But I understand why you did what you did. And as far as that goes, I forgive you.”

She paused, and he wanted her to stop there, to simply say yes, she forgave him. She continued, though. “But this week has shown me parts of myself I didn’t know existed. I’ve done things…. things I never would have done before I met you, before I came here.” She looked down at her hands as if assessing their proclivity for evil, and a look crossed her face that suggested she did not like what she saw. “I may never forgive myself,” she finished quietly.

“Dani…,” he started, but he didn’t know what to say. He had lived both inside Hårga and outside, and he knew how harshly her world, her old world, would judge her actions. Her brushed the fallen hair out of her face and rested his hand on her bare shoulder.

She turned back to him, eyes tinged with pain but focused again on him. She smiled sadly, “It’s okay, Pelle. I do forgive you. But I will carry the scars for the rest of my days.”

He nodded and swore to himself to spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He cupped the back of her head and pulled her to him for a gentle kiss. She melted into him and laid her head back on his chest with a sigh. He caressed her back, and they laid in silence for a time, listening to a summer breeze rustling through the trees.

The sun was high in the sky when they heard a voice call from outside the grove, “Lunch soon!” It was Valentin, and their presence was clearly known.

Dani’s head snapped up and turned to Pelle, eyes wide and cheeks red with embarrassment. She clapped her hand over her mouth, and he laughed at the sight, not bothering to be quiet. “Are you ready to get something to eat?”

She shook her head. “I’m never leaving this grove again.” But her stomach growled loudly at that idea, and he helped her to a sitting position. “Don’t worry, älskling. They won’t tease us too much.”

She gave him a doubtful look as he handed her back her dress. “Are you sure about that?”

He picked up his shirt and came back to her side to touch her face. “They’ll be happy for us, my love. That’s all.” She pressed her cheek into his hand and looked up at him with love and adoration.

He couldn’t resist another kiss but pulled away when he felt a familiar ache building. “We’d better get going before I get us started again.”

“Would that be so bad?” She looked up at him with a mock innocence that only made him want to press her into the grass and take her again.

He looked at the shirt he had in his hand and tossed it aside, saying, “To hell with it. I’m not that hungry.”

She laughed as they fell into the grass together, lunch forgotten in the joy of their love.

------

They walked back into the village side by side, clothes wrinkled, and hair in disarray. Dani had tried to fix hers, but Pelle had told her to leave it. He thoroughly enjoyed the sight, and she had given it up as a hopeless effort anyway. His heart swelled in his chest as he led her to the lunch table, a Viking warrior returning with his prize. He glowed with love and pride, and she smiled at his obvious joy.

They met Siv on the way. She took one look at the couple and said, “I see you’ve made your decision.”

Dani flushed with embarrassment, but she answered easily, “Yes. I’d like to stay, if you’ll have me.”

Siv pulled her into a quick hug and said, “Oh, my dear, nothing would make me happier!” The two women laughed as Pelle watched, face suffuse with joy.

She suddenly held Dani away from her by the shoulders and looked down at her right foot where healthy skin had replaced the damaged. “Your foot? My child, what happened?”

Dani shrugged and just said, “Völvas.” She and Pelle laughed, and Siv looked at them as if they'd gone mad, resolving to find out more later.

“I’m sure you’re starving,” she said, returning to practicality and releasing Dani back to Pelle. He moved to her side as if drawn by a magnet. “In fact, we all are! Go, sit, so we can eat!”

Dani and Pelle took their place at the head of the table. She was still mortified that the whole family knew what they had been doing. Around the table, however, she saw no recrimination, no judgement. She was the May Queen, and Pelle was her king. The love between them was a good omen for the family.

Dani glanced briefly at Pelle. He grinned and brought her hand to his lips, dropping a brief kiss on her knuckles. She shook her head at him playfully, smiling in return, and then looked back to the family. Her family.

Pelle leaned over, and whispered teasingly, “I thought you said you’d never be mine and never be theirs.” He nodded toward the rest of the village. She was surprised for a moment and then remembered her words to him the morning after the fire temple.

She turned to him and said simply, “I’m not.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise.

“You’re mine,” she said.

The May Queen sat, and her family sat down with her.

Chapter Text

That night, the family gathered around not one but nine bonfires, each one larger than the last. Dani had heard all about it from the women in the bathhouse before dinner. The men would leap over the bonfires, naked of course. Dani laughed at that and thought there was some justice at last.

All of the men were eligible to leap the bonfires. The smallest boys from the Spring House leapt the little fires over and over again, shrieking with delight at the danger and their audacity. Very few men of winter leapt the fires, although Sten made a very good show of clearing all but the highest three.

The men of Summer, however, were where the family looked for the greatest feat. It was expected for a least one of them to attempt the highest fire, and if he cleared it successfully, it was a good omen for the future. The other women also told her it was common for men who intended to ask a woman to commit to them for the coming year to attempt the largest fires. They told her this with giggles and knowing looks, and while she brushed them off, she wondered how high Pelle could jump.

The musicians played while the men leapt. Dani presided at the head as May Queen, seated next to Siv. There appeared to be no order to the event. Men came in and out of the circle all night long. She was not surprised to see Jarl clear all but the highest fire, and she noticed Hanna watching him with a barely concealed eagerness.

Pelle excused himself after most of the men had made their attempts and disappeared into the crowd.  Not long after, she heard raucous cheers rising from her brothers. She craned her neck to see what was going on and was rewarded by the sight of Pelle, stark naked but for his crown of ferns, walking straight up to her place in the circle. He knelt in front of her and said simply, but formally, “For you, my queen.”

He stood up and walked back to the bonfires. Most of the men started with the smaller fires and worked their way up to the bigger ones. Pelle, however, did not; he went straight for the largest. Dani held her breath as she watched him walk around the bonfire, dramatically assessing its height and potential danger. Evert, who’d sustained a burn on his inner thigh attempting the same leap not an hour ago, shouted encouragement in Swedish from his place in the circle, his leg bandaged and several of the younger women attending him.

Pelle shouted back to him in the same language, something appropriately bawdy from the audience reaction. He was as delightfully dramatic as he had been the night before, and she loved seeing this side of him. He grinned at her from the fireside, and she shouted, “You got this, Pelle!” as he lined up his run.

Pelle gave himself a good 20 foot running start and ostentatiously stretched in preparation. The crowd laughed and shouted for him to get on with it. He bowed to them in mock seriousness, bowed to her with a look that made the blood run thick in her veins, and then ran to the fire.

She could feel the whole family hold their collective breath as he leaped into the air. For the briefest moment, she lost sight of him in the flames and smoke. But he landed in a graceful somersault on the other side, rising to his feet and bowing again as the family all stood and rejoiced his victory over darkness and the blessings he assured for them.

Siv and Dani rose to their feet to cheer with the rest, and she waited patiently for Pelle to return to her side. He made his way to her through the throng of congratulations and hugs and knelt on the ground before her, head bowed and waiting for her approval. She laid her hands on his head in benediction, then lifted him to his feet and rewarded him with kiss on the mouth. The crowd roared again, and she broke off the kiss laughing as he pulled her close and waved to their family.

As the crowd turned back to the bonfires, Pelle dropped to the blanket, laying back on propped elbows and stretching out his long, and still very naked, body. He grinned up at Dani, and she sat down next to him, asking teasingly, “aren’t you cold?”

“You can warm me up if you like,” he said, pulling her to him and kissing her.

She giggled and blushed but said, “Anything for our hero.”

He caught the undercurrent in her voice and pulled her close to whisper in her ear just what he’d like her to do for him.

“Oh really?” she said. “Hmm, we’ll have to see what we can do.”

Siv and Sten were gathering up their blanket and getting ready to head to bed. Pelle’s leap had been the pinnacle event of the night and tomorrow would start very early with rolling in the morning dew. As they started to walk away, Siv stopped and said to Dani as if just remembering, “Oh, by the way my dear, Sten and I decided to spend the last two nights of the festival in the Winter House with the other elders. Hanna put fresh linens on the double bed in my room if you’d rather sleep in there tonight. It’s a bit quieter in the mornings.” She winked at Dani, and she and Sten headed off to the Winter House to rest.

Dani’s mouth hung open in shock and embarrassment as the older couple walked away. “Did what I think just happen just happen?”

“Yep,” said Pelle. “We’ve got the queen’s house all to ourselves.”

“Oh, we do, huh?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “What makes you think I wasn’t looking forward to a good night’s sleep?”

Pelle shrugged, “I mean, if you don’t want me to stay with you, I don’t have to. But you did say ‘anything for our hero.’” He batted his eyelashes at her, and she laughed.

“Will you join me tonight, my king?” she asked formally.

“It would be my honor, my queen.” He stood up and pulled her to her feet. They headed to the queen’s house assailed by a chorus of well wishes and teasing remarks. For once, Dani was grateful she couldn’t speak Swedish.

Chapter Text

Morning came far too quickly. Hanna knocked on their door, but for the first time since Dani was crowned, she did not immediately enter. Dani was rather glad of that, as Pelle had rolled over on top of her in his sleep, burying her in blankets, pillows, and naked male.

“It’s time for rolling in the dew, my queen!” Hanna announced cheerfully.

Dani pushed Pelle off her, waking him up. “Just one moment, Hanna!” she called, jumping up and dressing quickly. Pelle stayed in bed, pulled the sheet over him, and watched Dani with a grin.

She completed dressing in record time, and, checking to see that Pelle was at least decently covered, said, “All right, it’s safe to come in!”

Hanna bustled in then with two white robes and their crowns. She took one look at Dani’s hair, clucked her tongue, and said, “Did he drag you through a hedgerow?”

Pelle laughed uproariously at that while Dani shot him a dirty look and blushed to the roots of her hair. He jumped out of the bed, still naked, and grabbed one of the robes from Hanna. He gave Dani a thorough good morning kiss, and said to Hanna, “I hope you brought a brush.”

Hanna handed it to him as he slipped into the robe and fastened the hooks in front. “You first, brother. Were you fighting a she-wolf last night?”

Pelle grinned hugely as he brushed the tangles out of his hair. “Took everything I had to get her properly worn out.” He winked at Dani, who shrieked, “Pelle!” in embarrassed disbelief.

Hanna and Pelle both laughed but left off teasing Dani. As Pelle handed the brush back to her, Hanna turned to Dani, looked at her hair in resignation, and said, “You next.”

Dani had thought Pelle would take his crown and go, but instead he stayed to watch the process. Dani sat in embarrassed silence, cheeks burning, as Hanna got the tangles out of her hair and then braided it. Once respectable, Hanna held out the robe to her and said, “You did not need to get dressed, my Queen. We wear nothing under our robes for this.”

“Of course not,” Dani muttered through clenched teeth. She obediently took off her clothes and slipped into the robe Hanna held out for her, glaring at a grinning Pelle. “Stop enjoying this.”

“Never,” he said, pulling her in for another kiss before she could fasten the front. “I’ll love the sight of your body when you’re old and fat.”

“Thanks, I think,” she said skeptically as she did up the hooks.

Hanna positioned and pinned a fresh flower crown on her head. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Dani replied, and taking Pelle’s proffered arm, they went out to join the family.

------

The rolling in the dew turned out to be exactly what it sounded like. Dressed in special robes, each member of the family went out early in the morning, rolled around in the wet grass until they absorbed as much as they could, and then handed the robe to Karin and Felicity. These two then wrung out the robes into buckets.

“We’ll use the water to bake the day’s bread,” Hanna told her. Dani wasn’t sure how sanitary this was, but no one else seemed concerned about it. Well, she thought, at least it’ll get cooked.

Pelle took her hand, and with a childlike joy that was completely contagious, he ran with her to an empty patch of grass and pulled her to the ground. They rolled together, laughing at the ridiculous spectacle they made. Throughout the clearing, she could hear the cheerful voices and shrieking laughter of the family, and she thought quite clearly, I’m home.

-----

Breakfast was eaten in the clearing after each Hårgan had collected their dew. The whole lot of them, of course, stayed naked, and Dani had to resist the urge to cover herself the entire time. She settled for clutching Pelle around the waist and using him for cover.

“You don’t need to hide, älskling. You are beautiful, and here it is considered natural to be naked,” Pelle told her gently.

“I suppose I’ll get used to it, but this is some pretty serious exposure therapy,” she replied, looking up at him instead of the people around her.

“You will,” Pelle said. “You have nothing to fear here anymore.”

The “anymore” hit her in the pit of her stomach, and she flinched. He pulled her into him, as best he could with her crown, and said, “It will get better, älskling. I promise.”

“I know,” she said, pulling away and giving him a ghost of a smile. “Don’t forget; I’ve seen it.”

“And you still won’t tell me?” he asked, but simply and with a tone that said he wouldn’t press.

She shook her head. “Not yet. When it’s time.”

That took him aback a bit. “What?”

She smiled up at him mischievously and said, “Guess it’s my turn to know what’s coming before you.”

He felt a pang at that, knowing what this week had cost her, but there was no hint of blame or judgement in her face, and he kissed her softly in gratitude, continually impressed by the depths of her mercy.

“Come, now,” Siv called to them. “It’s time!”

“Time for what?” Dani asked skeptically.

“Now, my dear,” Siv explained, “we will scrub your old life from you and formally welcome you into the family.” The older woman gave Dani a quick hug, and Pelle’s face glowed as he smiled at her.

“Oh,” Dani said, blushing. “Naked still, I’m sure.”

Siv laughed. “You get used to it.”

Dani and Pelle exchanged a quick look and laughed. Siv looked at them questioningly, and Dani simply shook her head and said, “Lead the way, Grandmother. I’m ready.”

------

The procession to the lakeside was joyful, unorganized, with matriarch, May Queen, and their men taking the lead. Everyone seemed to know as if by instinct what was happening.

“How do you all just know what’s coming next?” Dani asked with a hint of bitterness.

“Well, my child,” Siv explained, “all of us here have been doing the same Midsommar festivities for years, since we were children. Tradition is very important to us, so we tend to do the same events in the same order.”

“Do you have a lot of new bloods stay though? I thought that was rare,” Dani asked questioningly.

“You are right. In this case, word spread quickly yesterday. I’m afraid you’ll find that in such a close-knit community, secrets are nearly impossible.” Siv’s eyes sparkled at Dani.

Nearly impossible, Dani thought, unless you’re the matriarch. She smiled at her grandmother, enjoying the love and confidence of the older woman.

Dani leaned into Siv then and whispered, “You said your name was Anne… before. Do we get new names?”

“Ah, I almost forgot!” Siv said, loud enough for Sten and Pelle to hear. “As part of the ceremony, you will receive a new name. A Hårgan name.”

“What will it be?” Dani asked curiously.

“Well,” Siv explained, “we had thought to let you keep the name Dani, in honor of Dan. It would be in keeping with our tradition of naming children after the one who passed most recently. However, that is done under the belief that the spirit of the one who passed would be reborn in the new child. You, my child, are not Dan.”

Dani smiled and shook her head. “No, I think that’s pretty safe to say. Please tell me you didn’t pick Eirunn.”

Siv shook her head. “No, that name died with she who carried it.”

Dani nodded and waited for Siv to continue.

But it was Sten who spoke. “You will be named Frej, in honor of Freja, our goddess of war and beauty, and in honor of the battles you have fought and won to come home to us.”

Dani took a deep breath and said, “Nope, no pressure there.”

Siv and Sten laughed. Siv explained, “You will be named Frej in honor of battles past, not battles to come. Although life may not always be easy, my darling, we see only joy in your future.”

Dani smiled and said, “That’s good news, Grandmother.”

Siv squeezed Dani’s hand quickly, and her eyes misted over. “Oh, my dear, I’m so glad you’ve decided to stay.”

Dani glanced briefly at Pelle, and then said, “Me too.”

When they arrived at the lake, Siv and Dani stepped away from the crowd, followed by Karin and Hanna. They approached the edge of the lake, and Dani could see the remains of the bonfire to Freja, her namesake, still on the island.

The four women stood facing the assembled family, and Siv began a majestic welcome speech in Swedish. Unable to follow it, Dani distracted herself by thinking, Back in the lake, naked again. But rather than feel unsettled at the thought, she felt a joy bubble up inside her as she looked over her new family. A radiant smile crossed her face as she met Pelle’s eyes, and she gave him a tiny nod. Yes, my love, I’ll stay. For you and our children, yes, but also for them.

“Are you ready, my dear?” Siv asked Dani.

She nodded and said formally, “I am ready, Grandmother.”

Dani expected something ceremonial, and perhaps a little bit dramatic. But instead, Karin and Hanna splashed water on her playfully, laughing while they did it. Dani laughed in surprise, and then both women produced sponges to figuratively scrub her old life away. Hanna squeezed a fully loaded sponge over Dani’s head, soaking her hair and her crown, and Dani shrieked. Caught up in the joy and laughter of her family, she splashed Hanna back, and the whole thing dissolved into a child’s water fight.

Soon, the family came surging into the lake to join in, splashing their new family member and each other, boys wrestling and trying to dunk one another under the water. Pelle picked up Dani from behind and launched her into the air, sending her back into the water with a massive splash. She emerged soaking wet and dripping, and nakedness forgotten in the fun, she tackled him and pulled him under, kissing him hard in the waters of her new birth.

As the play began to wind down, Siv strode out of the water purposefully and clapped her hands. The family turned to her as one, and she announced, “Emerge now as Frej, as Hårgan as one who was born here, and join us as one of our family, our sister, our daughter, our granddaughter, our May Queen.”

Dani gave Pelle one last look and walked out of the water and into her new life as Frej.

Chapter Text

Before supper, the women of Hårga retreated to the bathhouse to prepare with Frej as one of them, no longer a guest. Hugs and congratulations still flowed. They all called her “sister” and “daughter” and “granddaughter”, and her heart was so full she thought it might burst.

As the bustle settled down into serious work braiding hair and pinching cheeks for color, Karin asked, “Are you ready to throw your wreath for Pelle?”

Frej looked confused. "Didn't we just throw wreaths the other night?"

Hanna shook her head. “This is different. Throwing the wreath over the fire predicts whether you'll stay together. For this, we throw our wreaths into the lake if we are open to commitment to one of the men for the next year, whether we're currently committed or not. The men then race to get the wreath of the woman they want. Whichever man collects your wreath then brings it to you, offers you his devotion for the next year, and you accept or reject him.”

“Ouch, in front of the whole family?” Frej asked.

Hanna nodded, but it was Karin who responded with a wink, “It is good for them. They must have courage to ask.”

Frej smiled and laughed at that. “But only for a year?”

“Yes,” Hanna said, “this is wise. After a year, if any part of the couple no longer wishes to be together, he simply does not collect the wreath, or she rejects him. And it is done.”

“And if they wish to stay together?” Frej asked.

“Then he must win her again by being first to her wreath and asking her again,” Karin answered.

Frej leaned in and said softly, “So Sten has to get Siv’s wreath in order to stay with her again?”

“Yes,” Karin answered. “If he wants her to remain committed to him for the next year, he must.”

“This seems highly favorable to the women,” Frej commented with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh yes,” Karin said, “but only if the man you want also wants you.”

Frej thought about that for a moment and wondered how well Pelle swam. “What if…” she started and then blushed. “What if the man you want isn’t first to your wreath? I mean, you can reject the man who got it, but can you not then commit to the man you want?”

Hanna said gently, “In that case, a woman may offer her wreath to another man, who may accept. But it’s seen as a bit... embarrassing to the man who was defeated. When that happens, which it rarely does, the couple will usually stay uncommitted for the next year until he may try again.”

“Why rarely?” Frej asked.

“Well, two reasons,” Hanna answered. “First, all committed relationships must be approved by the elders, and that approval must be sought before tonight. A man who had not received approval should not try to claim a woman’s wreath, and the elders would not approve more than one man.”

Frej nodded. “And the second?”

Karin answered playfully, “And the second is because everyone knows where your heart lies, Frej, and no man would be silly enough to try to stand between you and Pelle.”

Frej blushed hard and smiled at her feet. Yeah, it’s not like you’ve been subtle about it, she thought to herself.

Siv walked through the crowd then, bearing a crimson red robe with gold embroidery. A hush fell over the women as they admired the work. Siv approached Frej, who swallowed hard but pulled herself up to her full height, ready for whatever came next.

“For our May Queen, you will wear red tonight, the color of fertility. May you and our May King bring great blessings and fruitfulness to our crops that we may eat well through the winter to come.” Siv gave the robe to Hanna while Karin helped Frej out of her solstice dress.

Frej allowed Hanna to help her into the robe, fasten the hooks, and tie a gold cord around her waist. She had forgotten about the fertility rite in the joy of joining her new family. She felt a brief twinge of embarrassment, but she was buoyed by the love she saw around her.

“Thank you, Grandmother,” she said, emulating Siv’s magisterial tone. “I will do my best to bring abundance to our family.”

The women cheered, and Siv said more casually, “Are we all ready to throw our wreaths?” They cheered louder, and Siv laughed. “Come then, let us make the men work for our love!”

------

At the lake, a platform had been set up for the matriarch and the May Queen, with two large wicker thrones decorated with flowers and leaves. A large bonfire roared, and a pile of pine bough wreaths stood near the lake. Frej and Siv stood before their chairs, and Siv made a pronouncement in Swedish. The musicians started playing a joyful tune, and the festivities began.

As they sat and watched the family dancing, Frej thought about what Hanna had said – the wisdom in only committing for a year. She thought briefly about her relationship with Christian, knowing in her heart it would have been over long ago in that case. But then she wouldn’t be here in Hårga with her family, with Pelle. For the first time, she began to understand what Siv had been trying to say the morning after the fire temple. Perhaps the timing had been right after all.

She sought out Pelle amongst the crowd. He still wore a large crown of ferns and so was easy to find. He was laughing and joking with Sten, a peaceful contentment radiating from him.

Siv noticed Frej biting her lower lip. “Are you nervous about the rite tonight, my dear? I did tell you that you need not have witnesses, correct?”

Frej nodded. “Yes, Grandmother, and I’m not so worried about that tonight.” She blushed. She was rather looking forward to it. “Just wondering…”

“Wondering what?” Siv asked.

Frej shrugged and looked at her feet. “Wondering if Pelle would have had time to talk to the elders before tonight.”

Siv laughed mischievously at that. “Oh, my darling, he sought permission long before you even came here.”

Frej’s head came up in surprise. “He did?”

“Oh yes, my child. He has been sure about you since the beginning.” Siv patted her hand. “Did he not tell you that?”

“He did, I just thought he was exaggerating. He was trying to convince me to stay then,” Frej added.

Siv nodded. “And I am so glad he succeeded. But it is true. Long before you came here, before you knew anything about us, Pelle knew you. And he knew what you would be to him.”

“Thank you,” she said gratefully. “But you should know, it wasn’t Pelle who convinced me to stay,” she added.

“Then who, my dear?”

“The Norns,” Frej said frankly.

It was rare for the matriarch to be surprised, but her eyebrows rose, and she looked Frej over appreciatively. “Indeed? Will you tell me about it sometime?” she asked – a request rather than an order.

“Yes, Grandmother. Sometime,” Frej said dreamily. “For tonight, I prefer to enjoy what is here. Now.”

Siv smiled down at her protégé. “You are wise, my Queen. You will make a splendid matriarch one day.”

Frej smiled cryptically at Siv and shrugged as the older woman raised her eyebrow. “I know a little, but it’s nice to hear you say I’ll make a good one.”

Siv shook her head. “My child, you never cease to amaze me.” She continued after a thoughtful pause, “It will be sometime, not until I reach my age of completion. And it will be unusual – typically you would need to reach your age of mentorship first. But I will teach you all that I know, and when I pass, the elders will approve you. We new bloods have a… detachment that serves the matriarch position well. I will pass the family into your hands, and you will care for them as I have. I know it.”

Frej nodded, warmed by the matriarch’s trust in her. “I will, Grandmother. You have my word.”

------

After a couple of hours of general celebration, a horn blast sounded from the musicians. Siv rose and announced, “It is now time for all women who are open to commitment to assemble their wreaths.”

Siv and Frej joined the other women at the large pile of wreaths. Each woman was passed a wreath and a ribbon. Frej watched the other women weave their ribbons through the wreath into the shape of a rune. Frej looked to Siv for direction.

“Yours is raidho, my dear. Like a capital R,” Siv explained.

Frej nodded, and feeling absurdly like a child at arts and crafts time, did her best to make a capital R in the wreath. She glanced back at the men to find Pelle watching her intently. She flashed him a quick view of her wreath, and blushing, turned back to the other women.

One by one, each woman walked to the shore of the lake and threw their wreaths in. The younger women threw theirs as far as they could, while the older women tended to be more generous with their throws, leaving them closer to the shore where the elder men could more easily reach.

As May Queen, Frej was last. She looked over her shoulder at the crowd one more time, who cheered for her to throw as hard as she could. She gave Pelle a sweetly innocent smile, and then hurled her wreath into the air, watching it land nearly halfway to the island, far past the other wreaths.

As the men surged forward and the women retreated from the shore, Pelle brushed by Frej whispering, “Seriously?”

She grinned at him and said, “Ultimate Frisbee. Varsity, two years. Enjoy your swim!” She gave him a playful wave and then took her seat next to Siv.

Siv raised an eyebrow at Frej as she sat. “What?” Frej asked innocently. “I assumed as May King he should have to swim the farthest.”

She laughed uproariously at that and patted Frej’s hand. “Good for you, granddaughter, good for you.”

The men, naked as she’d come to expect, shoved and pushed each other on the shore playfully, pretending to argue over who’s wreath they would pursue as they waited for the horn blast that would signal them to begin. She felt a slight twist in her stomach as she saw Evert teasing Pelle about who was faster. But when Evert turned and gave Karin a wink, she relaxed. Like most men his age, he had recovered from his defeat quickly and found another worthy of his attention.

The horn blast sounded, and the men launched into the water with a great splash. The women shrieked and laughed and cheered for their man. Frej and Siv laughed as well, but remained calm on their chairs, the very picture of a matriarch and her apprentice.

Pelle was a strong swimmer. Frej watched him glide through the water in long strokes that pulled him steadily toward her wreath. She expected him to clown around with it when he got there, showing off or pretending he found the wrong one. But he snatched it up, and, placing it over his head and around his neck, swam back determinedly toward the shore.

His face was serious as he stepped out of the lake. Unlike the other men, he did not stop to dry off on one of the many towels but simply strode purposefully straight to Frej’s chair, water streaming off his body. He knelt on the grass in front of the platform and held the wreath out to her. Struck by his attitude, Frej sat erect with as majestic a manner as she could summon and waited.

“Frej, my queen, my heart, and my hope. I have loved you since the first day I met you. Your kindness, generosity, compassion, and fire have captivated me and made me yours in all but name. Please accept this wreath and, with it, me, that we may share our days and nights together in this year, and every year after, until we end our days.” Pelle’s eyes were full as he waited for her answer.

A small gasp went up from the crowd at his words. While it was permitted to commit for life, it was rare to see. Even Siv and Sten only renewed their commitment for the next year. Siv leaned in and whispered to Frej, “He offers you a lifetime commitment. You may accept, or you may alter the terms to a one-year commitment without rejecting him. The choice is yours.”

Frej rose to her feet and looked down at Pelle, kneeling naked in the grass, still dripping from the lake, offering his heart and his life to her. There was no trace on her face of what she was thinking as she walked to the platform steps, descended to the grass, and approached him. He turned to her, still waiting for her response. A muscle twitch at the side of his mouth was the only indication of his unrest.

Her eyes stayed fixed on him as she stopped before him, placed her hands on her wreath and said, loudly enough for all to hear, “I accept you, Pelle, my king and my love, for all of my lifetime.”

A cheer rose up from the crowd as Pelle leapt to his feet, pulling her into his arms and kissing her soundly, dampening the front of her robe in the process. As he pulled back, she laughed and said, “You got me all wet!”

He grinned and said, “I can only hope, my queen.”

She swatted at him playfully and kissed him again, to another round of cheers. Sten appeared at his elbow with a crimson robe to match Dani’s and helped him into it. Another chair appeared on the platform, and hand in hand, they took their places as Queen and King, together.

Chapter Text

As the bonfire wore down, Frej and Pelle walked into the fields together to perform their last duty as Queen and King. When Siv had first told her about this obligation, Frej had been mortified. Now, though, walking side by side with the man she loved, she felt at peace.

Fortunately, she had been allowed to choose the field in which they performed the fertility rite, so she had chosen a quiet hay field far away from the other buildings. She was happy to do her duty for the family, more than happy to do so with Pelle, but she still wasn’t particularly interested in doing so in front of her family.

She selected an especially soft looking patch of grass and led Pelle to it. He followed behind her, quietly obedient to her commands. He was here now to serve his queen, not himself, and as he watched her openly, he couldn’t help but marvel at the woman she had become. His Dani was still there, but as she had grown into Frej, she grown into something more. He could not have imagined that a woman such as she could love him the way he loved her. Thank you, he prayed to the gods in gratitude. I will do right by her.

When Frej reached her chosen spot, she turned to Pelle wordlessly and slipped off her crimson robe. In the pale light of new dawn, she shone for him like the sun. He was frozen for a moment, admiring her, until she beckoned him with a smile and a gesture.

He shed his own robe and stepped forward to meet her, not touching yet. He took off his crown and hers, laying them to the side. Very gently, he traced the shape of her face with a finger and whispered, “How may I serve you, my Queen?”

She stood on tiptoes and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms came around her waist, and he lifted her into the air to bring her closer. Very gently, he lowered her to the ground, laying her in the grass of his homeland; and they fulfilled their duty, to the family and to each other.

------

As the sun began to rise higher in the sky, they stayed together in the grass, simply content to bask in the warm glow of their love. He kissed the top of her head, and when she looked up at him, he said, “How else may I serve my Queen?”

She smiled wryly and said, “Coffee, but not yet,” and laid her head back down on his chest. “I never imagined…” she started, but trailed off, resting her chin on her hands as she looked at him.

“Never imagined what, älskling?” he asked encouragingly, losing himself in her eyes.

She laughed quietly, “Well, any of it. But I never imagined I could be as happy as I am here with you. With our daughter,” she added in a quiet voice.

“What?” he asked, stunned by her statement.

“The Norns showed me,” she responded, feeling her no longer empty belly between them. “From this week. We have a daughter.”

“Frej,” he said, eyes watering with joy. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’re happy,” she said softly, warmed by the look in his eyes and feeling the joy growing within him.

“Nothing could make me happier than I am right now,” he said, pulling her close for another kiss. His hand cupped the back of her head, and his passion grew again with the joy of her in his arms and the news of their daughter to be.

He rolled her onto her back and asked, “One more time, just to be sure?”

She laughed and nodded, and wrapping her arms around him, they joined together again in the grass of their homeland.

Chapter Text

That morning, the festival was over. Breakfast was a simpler affair; at least, as simple as Grandma Irma was willing to do. Frej went back to the Summer House for the first time since she’d been crowned May Queen to pack her things, leftovers from her previous life. She stood for a moment looking over the empty beds of Christian, Josh, and Mark.

“You okay, älskling?” Pelle asked as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Just remembering.”

They stood together for a few minutes in silence, until she turned to him and said, “Do you think they’ll forgive us? On the other side?”

“I don’t think it works like that, Frej,” he said gently. “They are one now with the Everything. I do believe they are at peace and in harmony in a way they never would have been in life, if that helps.”

She nodded sadly.

“I think the bigger question is whether you can forgive yourself,” he said, a question not a statement.

She smiled up at him ruefully. “Jury’s still out on that one.”

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “Promise me you’ll try?”

“I promise.”

He held her for another minute or two before saying, “Come on, älskling. It’s time to go,” and turning her towards the door. She cast one last glance at the empty beds before stepping out into the sunlight.

“Pelle, I realize I should have asked this before, but where are we going now? What will it look like?” she asked as they joined the others of their age group in the caravan that was forming.

“We’re heading to our main village, which is where we live when we’re not celebrating the festivals. We only come here for the big festivals, like Midsommar and Yule,” he explained. “It’s much more modern. We’ll have air conditioning in the summer and central heat in the winter. We all have jobs we do that are assigned based on our skills and aptitudes.”

“What will I do?” she asked.

“That’ll be up to the elders, although based on what you told me, my guess is you’ll be apprenticed to Siv and follow her in her daily duties.”

She nodded, trying to imagine herself as the matriarch, and succeeding all too well. “She better live forever,” Frej said dubiously.

Pelle laughed at that. “By the time of her completion, you will be ready.”

“I hope so,” she muttered. But she was encouraged by his confidence. “And where will we live? Will it be like the Summer House?”

“Similar, yes, but a little different,” he explained. “We all still live communally, except for some with specialized jobs. Siv, for instance, has her own house where she and Sten live. Jarl, as the doctor, will live in the house attached to the infirmary, with Hanna I suppose now that they are committed for the year.”

They both glanced over to Jarl and Hanna, walking together hand in hand. Frej smiled at her sister, who smiled back. Sister, she thought. That feels right.

“I’m happy for them,” Frej said sincerely.

“Me too, älskling,” he said, hugging her. “Everyone should have this.”

After a moment he continued, “So, there will be a house like the Summer House, but for those couples who committed to each other at Midsommar, there are separate rooms for privacy.” He grinned down at her mischievously, and she blushed.

“Thank the gods,” she said with feeling.

“I don’t think you’ll be living there, at least not long,” Jarl interjected, having overheard Pelle’s explanation.

“Why not?” Frej asked.

“Because I overheard Siv and Sten talking yesterday. Tomorrow morning, construction will start on a new völva’s house, now that we have one again,” Jarl explained.

“Oh, we do, do we?” Frej said cynically.

“I imagine you’ll be living there, and maybe Pelle too, if you let him,” Jarl teased.

Frej raised an eyebrow and looked at Pelle appraisingly.

“Don’t even think about it,” he protested. “Unless you want to find me sleeping outside your front door every morning.”

Frej laughed and shook her head. “I didn’t come all this way and go through everything I did to have you sleep outside. Stay with me,” she said simply.

“All my life, älskling,” he responded. “And every day after that.”