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Chapter Text

Skies of wonder

Runa Johanne Nygård sweat so disgustingly through her skin, as if expelling the pain out of her pores in direct sunlight. The late summer sun showed her no mercy, despite living above the arctic circle, temperatures still boiled her alive on certain days. The sun had finally started to go down the horizon again, though only for a few hours at night. Well past midday it had sunk down enough to shine her right in the eyes, blinding her when she finally made it up the hill. Around her trees and shrubbery dotted the sides of the dirt path. Ahead was a big red building, with numerous windows, four floors tall.

Far behind her such horrible classmates still did gymnastics, on a wide soccer field of brown dirt. Running back and forth by the word of the gym teacher. Being away from them all was easy, she’d make any excuse to increase the distance between them. Finally she neared the wall connecting her previous school’s red main building, to the gymnasium clad in white stone. Along this wooden wall painted in white, a plain black ceiling had been built. An opening right in the middle of it drew nearer, the sun shone through it straight into her eyes. A lanky boy with a brown emo fringe ran to the bottom of the hill and shouted up at her from behind:
“Never come back you disgusting bulldyke!” She hadn’t learned his name just yet, not that she actually cared to. Quickly she looked back with tight brows and flipped him off with her big bulky hand, screamed angrily back at him:
“Fuck off!” Though her voice was way too thin to be intimidating, she still yelled so aggressively. Maybe if the heat didn’t make her slightly dizzy, would she actually think of something more creative to say back? Though she acknowledged; it didn’t matter much either way, she’d still hear countless insults even if she said nothing at all. Perhaps by the end of the day him and his little flock would test her strength again, and win? She sighed hard amidst gentle panting, wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. It still held onto a transparent waterbottle, half empty with lukewarm water. She relaxed her wide strong arm, clad in brown sweaty skin. And let the bottle down gently touching her upper thigh. She wore a dark red tanktop, nearly sweat through and tight black sports-shorts. Though she hated showing off her bulky body, there was no helping it in this kind of heat. Finally she passed the threshold in the opening in the wooden wall. Though the sun still glared her in the face, despite being underneath a roof. She frowned, had hoped some shadow could soothe her internal burning.

So she paused in the heat, still staring towards the sun. Not too far away from the metal stairs, leading up to the school’s main entrance. She opened the waterbottle, lifted her right arm and poured the water over her head. She could feel it trickling through her dark hair, too short to curl. Running behind her head and down her neck, spreading over her shoulderblades and into the tanktop from behind. Though it too didn’t help, the lukewarm water seemed to match her own temperature. That’s when she heard a gentle gasp from someone, she moved her head a bit to the side and saw a person sitting on the stairs against the wall, looking at her. Great, another terrible someone, gawking at her displeasing body. Any moment now she’d be mocked yet again, while turning her body around she said to counteract it:
“And what are you staring at?” Her voice was loud without outright screaming, deep in aggression the moment she spoke it. After speaking her eyes finally caught up with her, what stared back wasn’t a face of disgust and anger, but shock.

A girl probably her own age, with hair shimmering golden in the summer sun, waving and swaying in a fierce warm breeze hitting them both. It reached down well beyond her waist, though she wore a big black hooded jacket and a long dark blue skirt. With her entire body covered in clothes too big for her, exactly where her waist must be, was difficult to see. The sun hit her eyes, they were big and perfectly placed on her soft pale face. Not a hint of summer gave her color. Eyes swelled with tears stared back at her. With bright blue and glossy irises like the warmest bluest summer sky. Her lashes and brows were fairer than her hair, framing a soft small nose and lips full in soft shapes. It was slightly open, echoing her faint gasp from moments before. Tears trickled down her smooth cheeks, brightly pinked up by the blazing heat, no doubt. She sat pressed against the wall with her back straight, closed her beautiful mouth and stared back at her with focus.

Runa felt what she swore she’d never feel again. Gently her stomach fluttered, while her chest tightened in nervousness. A speck of dust glowing like fire soared up her spine. She gasped staring at a girl so soft looking, the pressure in her chest gathered and tingled. With cheeks prickling warmly she realized what she had done. This girl must have hid on the stairs to cry, and here she came; big and ugly and rude, making everything worse. Just for a few moments she stared back in silence, Runa expected that beautiful face to tighten up in anger, sneer in disgust while looking her up and down. But her expression changed from surprise to something like wonder. The world tricked her yet again, even just for a moment. A wild assumption made her soar while crushing in pressure. Like a comet entering the atmosphere, burning and crumbling, splitting up in parts. It seemed a connection was made, tied on by a golden thread shimmering in the sunlight. Binding them together in wonder. Though a pathetic notion, she had to do something to make up for her rudeness, So she sighed hard and said as gently as she could:
“Shit I’m sorry. I’m just.. having a really bad day.” Fuck, she herself was so awful and quick to anger. The notion fell through and made her chest and spine fall apart again. The comet burned up and vaporized in smoke, faded from this world without anyone watching.

Her default state set her back on the ground, sprinkled her chest with anger as she breathed. Whatever she had thought was there, was just wishful thinking. No matter what; she had been the horrible person she already knew she was. This girl was probably staring because she has never seen someone this revolting before. An ugly rude person, scary and big and aggressive. That’s who she was. Bright sharp shame struck right between her lungs and stomach. Propelled her into backtracking rather desperately.
“But that’s no excuse, just forget I was even here.” She just had to add, not that it’d make a difference. The girl’s gaze softened to something reminiscent of pity, just to mock her. Runa turned around quickly, walked towards the door going into the gymnasium. She saw the reflection of herself walking towards two doors nearly covered with glass, the room behind was completely dark. With big shoulders and arms, a wide neck and head, a chubby belly and broad bulky legs, she walked towards what she hated the most. In a firm clunky gate she stepped up to the door and grabbed it. Quickly she opened it by the handle, it dunked into the wall beside it. She groaned knowing that poor girl probably jumped by her unintentional show of strength, fuck!

She got in quickly, into darkness and cool air. Everything became silent and cold, she sighed with relief. Finally, something giving her burning body comfort. She ran down a handful of steps. Slowly her eyes were getting used to the lack of sunlight, the rooms around her seemed so intensely dark. Still she ran towards the girl’s wardrobe, accurately remembering the placement of everything. Firmly she flung the door leading into it open as well. This time nobody was there to witness her fury.

She threw the empty plastic waterbottle against the floor and sighed hard, lifted her hand up to her face and gripped the very top of her noseridge. A light pressure emerged from behind her eyes, she moved her face up towards the ceiling and tightened her brows firmly. Already those eyes shimmering with the heavens had burned into her retinas. That softness, those tears, that expression, such incredible beauty. Of course she sought to squander it, knowing it was in her nature to be bad. No matter who she met, that wouldn’t change.
“Fuuuck.” She said loudly to herself, she was the worst person to ever exist! Punishing those undeserving with her anger and insecurity, just like before. No way there was something there, had the world been different she could’ve sat down with her. Asked her if she was okay. She nearly laughed in the silence, it was pathetic of her to even wonder. There was no changing it, that was just about the worst way she could have presented herself. And the world wasn’t different, it was cruel and senseless, just like herself.
She lowered her arms and looked down at her black running shoes, her dark hairy legs and bulky calves. By now she had gotten used to the light, the walls around her dotted with wooden benches and hooks built in, were gray and dreary. It stunk of wet wood and soap, even if nobody else was there yet. Though those blue eyes still looked back at her, she made sure to let the dream go. Prolonged suffering wasn’t on her agenda for today. Though she had to pee, and planned on re-filling her bottle, she decided to make sure that girl was gone when she went out again. That was the least she could do.

Chapter Text

ACT ONE. EGNITION.

Norway, Streams county, Havetown.
17. October 2005

A feeling crept up from the depths, though it was not remembered in detail. The emotion tightened in pain and terror. Like eyes bursting from a fire inside herself. She closed in on it in time and volume and screamed, the terror turned bright and red. It happened, and then it didn’t.

Runa awoke by the alarm clock in her room. Her eyes were heavy, with her body feeling unmotivated. She pushed down the snooze button on the clock, making the sharp sound stop. Her face ached slightly, she felt tightness on her temples. As if last night’s tears hadn’t dried but instead crusted on her skin. She rubbed them with her fingers, noticed how wet they were. Had she been crying in her sleep again? She wondered what she had dreamed, while she turned on the bedside lamp. Though she didn’t ponder for long. Not remembering was a blessing, it was better that way.

Her nightstand was cluttered, so was the rest of her messy room. She got out of bed, her bare feet hit the floor. She kicked a few articles of clothing out of the way, cursed to herself in sour whispers. Quickly while barely awake she opened the door, and entered the hallway. Her upper body and thighs were covered in a large black T-shirt. She yawned, heard footsteps and chatter coming from downstairs. She entered the bathroom, its sharp light made her squint, she shut the door hard. Immediately she pulled her boxer shorts down and sat on the toilet, peed with her eyes half closed. When she dried herself she began to get used to the light. Slowly she stood up, flushed and looked around. The bathroom had dark blue tiles, some with diamond patterns, but only where the floor began. It was warm against her feet, she moved to a white old sink with soft corners. Turned the tap and washed her hands with a piece of soap, yawned loudly in front of the mirror, then she looked up at herself. 

She blinked slowly, the hair she had cut off before school started again had grown back in tight dark curls. In the summer breeze her lack of neck-length hair had been liberating, comfortable, and manageable. But it grew back so fast, she frowned knowing she looked like such a bulldyke with her hair like this. Her dark skin was surprisingly smooth and clean. As if she did anything more than wash her face and put on lotion every once in a while. She bent down and did just that over the sink. The hot water was soothing, she tried to relax, but it wasn’t enough. Still her shoulders and neck remained tense. She found a towel hanging on a hook beside the mirror, and dried her face off with it. Then she stared herself in the eyes through the mirror yet again. She didn’t know exactly from where her birthfather hailed, though her features were surprisingly western, taking after her Norwegian birthmother. Remembering her terrible face and seeing it looking back at her made her stomach tighten. She had big brown eyes, a small slim nose, and lips barely thicker than her thumb when she had her mouth closed. Her features were sharp enough to make her look like a boy of maybe fourteen. But alas, she was a sixteen year old girl, with a sharp jaw and sad eyes. She felt a pit grow in her stomach, it was easy to wonder what her life would be like, if she was prettier. She sighed with her mouth closed, her frustration persisting. She found her toothbrush, put some toothpaste on it, turned on the tap for just a moment to wet it, and began to brush her teeth.

After, she had walked into her bedroom again. Before she closed the door she heard her foster mother Marion shout from downstairs.
“Hey Runa, are you up!?”
“Yeah!” She screamed back in an annoyed tone, and slammed the door shut. Firmly she pulled off her T-shirt and let it go right on the floor. The walls were of a warm purple, dotted with posters of her favorite bands. Her furniture was dark, with a double bed in sheets of black and red. Though she didn’t need it to be that big, her parents had insisted. All to make her as comfortable as possible, when she first arrived here. She looked down at her perky breasts, with small dark nipples and her chubby belly. Granted, this angle made it poke out more than it actually did. The pit in her stomach grew heavier, she wasn’t much to look at. The sight of herself made her stomach tighten more. So she moved quickly to her black closet and chest of drawers, and messed around rapidly to find something to hide herself with. She pulled out a sports bra, a dark red T-shirt and black pants. She found a hooded jacket that matched it, and black socks as well. While holding the pile firmly in her broad arms, she walked over to the bed and let it all go on the curled duvet. Pulling down yesterday’s tightfitting boxer shorts, stepping away from it beneath her feet. Then finally, she began to dress.

She walked slowly down the stairs, smelled coffee in the air. How she wished she liked the taste of it, maybe mornings would be easier then. Such a shame bitterness did not agree with her. She entered into the kitchen. It was rather small, with an entrance from the hallway and another into the living room. Counters and shelves in pleasant wooden colors surrounded her. At the edge of the room, near the second entrance, a wooden table painted dark brown stood against a big window. Marion and Harrald sat on both sides of it. The middle chair was hers, she sat down. There were a couple of spare chairs stacked close by, inside the livingroom. Though they were never used. Marion had nearly shoulder length light blonde hair, thin and straight. Her face was long, her glasses round. She had a hooked nose, smiling wrinkles, and thin lips. Her smile though straight had teeth in light gray. She grinned at Runa, who frowned back at her sullenly.

“Good Morning.” She said cheerfully. Runa pouted her lips and looked away. She felt Harrald’s strong hand nudge at her shoulder, and looked over at him. He was short for a man, about her height, but wide and strong. His hands were even bigger than her own, a thin layer of blonde hair covered most of his pale body, especially on his arms and legs. His short head hair though, was balding. He sat in a dark green shirt tucked into black denim jeans. And he looked at her with bright green eyes, knowing and vivid in both playfulness and wisdom.
“Don’t be such a sourpuss, Runa-tuna. Look outside, it’s a beautiful morning.” He said in a dark soft voice. It made Runa grin a little bit, she look out the window along with him. The morning sun was out, wide orange leaves hung on by a thread on the oaktree right outside the window. Then she observed the shore begin, numerous stones and pebbles clad it in gray. She admired the blue ocean wave back and forth, the sunrays reflected in it. Far away the contours of mountains in mellow gradient blues stood steady as stone. It was hard not to feel good staring at such wondrous nature, but it was short lived. Such a pity so many awful people walked around in it. A tragedy indeed, that the world was so cruel to be this beautiful. Tempting her to stay just to be tormented some more.

She looked down at the empty plate laid out for her, and grabbed a piece of bread from a small basket.  Around it on a wooden platter were toppings in little plastic bags and boxes. Cheese, ham, salami, caviar in an orange tube, jams in glass containers, and a cucumber ready to be cut into slices. It was a colorful and appetizing sight, she looked around at it silently. Decided what to put on her slice of bread. Mayonnaise, ham, cheese and cucumbers. Every day  they had breakfasts like this, dinners were made from scratch as well. After she arrived here and her hunger had been satiated, she found out she quite liked the taste of good food. The reason she was chubby, she reckoned.

So she ate her breakfast in silence while Harrald read the local newspaper, Havetown Times. Marion drank her coffee and looked out the window, her tall skinny body was half way covered by a thick gray woolen sweater, with a turtleneck to keep her slim neck warm. Her straight blonde hair was tucked behind her ears, reaching her almost to the shoulders. And her profile was sharp and long, with big dark ocean blue eyes. Runa leaned her elbow on the table, put down her slice of bread. Grabbed a glass already poured for her, drank the fresh cold water until it was half emptied. She thought about what their day was going to look like. Filled with happy singing children, Harrald teaching them songs on his guitar. Sometimes the kids went to the library with their class as well. Apart from that, Marion would have a calm day organizing shifts, books, IT hiccups and so on. She couldn’t help but sigh, sometimes it saddened her she’d never know what it was like, growing up, or having a job. She knew she’d die before then.

It didn’t take long before they all were done eating, Runa helped them put the toppings onto the platter, then into the fridge. After, she walked upstairs and began to pack her backpack. On their way outside, Harrald turned to her in the small hallway. Numerous coats, jackets, shoes and baskets on shelves filled with mittens, hats and scarfs surrounded them. It made the room seem so much smaller than it already was. He smiled, his green eyes glowed in the morning sun.
“Do you want a ride?” He asked amused, though he probably knew her answer. Runa shook her head. One of the few things she actually looked forward to, was the morning walk up the hill. Marion lifted her long arm and stroked her cheek.
“Try not to fight anybody.” She said gently and sighed. Runa turned her face to the side, looked down and frowned her brows and lips.
“Sure, I’ll try.” She replied in a low tone. Marion smiled apologetically and patted her cheek.
“I know, sorry.” She whispered softly. Then she let go and departed, they walked down the wooden stairs in front of her. She exited with her backpack on, closed the door and locked it with her own keys, pulled from her jacket pocket. She wore a dark red windjacket, home of er clothes she recently realized; matched the house. Stepping down the stairs she stared up at it. Harrald and Marion entered a silver Volvo, waved to her and shut the cardoors. Quickly they turned on the engine and drove off, while Runa walked across the paved stones on the driveway. The house was in a classic red, with white window and door frames. The roof tiles were black, and the garage matched it in every way. Wind blew from her side, she closed her eyes and sighed, breathed in the fresh salty air. For a few moments she tried her best to relax, but of course she couldn’t as her terror drew nearer. So she opened them again, and began to walk ever so slowly. Exiting the driveway only the shore stared back at her. She turned and walked parallel to it, looked over at all the other houses in her quaint neighbourhood.

They were awfully square, in different colors but more often than not, also with white window and door frames. In yellows, blues, greens and browns, the many houses clearly belonged together. Garages, terrassess, balconies, small unkempt gardens. Some cars passed her as the lump lingered in her stomach. Orange leaves blew on the road, she crushed them with her shoes. The wind went right through her knitted hat, while her hands were in her jacket pockets. Images of their faces flickered in her mind’s eye, with disgusted gazes, grins and mocking shouts. It shivered through her spine, she paused, and looked up first at the sky. How she yearned to just stay right here, remain with the serene sounds of gushing waves. Despite knowing she’d never need it at the end, she was expected to get an education for her future. The road split, one led upwards, another continued along the shore. If only her will guided her, she’d walk along the shore indefinitely. But her impossible future loomed, and forced her hand. She sighed and looked both ways before she crossed the road, hoping a car would hit her, but it didn’t. The future was a fog of darkness. There was no glimmer she could anchor herself to. She knew she would die young, every year her body emptied. The one thing she leaned on, was her home, and soon enough that’d fade too. Despite them promising they weren't going to get rid of her, the moment she turned eighteen,she doubted them. Why wouldn’t they, when she was such a strain in their lives? Though she knew they wanted her there, the reminder gave her some semblance of peace. Until then she vowed to enjoy it all as much as possible.

A bus filled with students drove in front of her, and turned upwards slowly. She looked at it carefully, students packed it there like sardines. They looked so horribly uncomfortable. Feeling lucky she didn’t need to take a bus like that every morning, gave her a moment of relief. It finally graced her amidst her somber disposition. She smiled at her old peers, the bus drove up the hill and faded in the distance. She followed suit slowly while her smile quickly faded. Then she decided to look down at her black fall boots, and started jogging.

The hill was tiresome and steep as always, but the one thing she had was her strength. Jogging as far as she could up it had become a morning ritual. Helping her maintain the little benefit she had in her young terrible life. Trees with falling leaves faded, more houses with white frames surrounded her, cars passed her on the plain gray road of asphalt. Her breath grew heavier, but she pushed through it. Her thigh muscles hurt, while tasting blood in her mouth, she breathed louder. Eventually she had to stop, took off her hat and held it, and bent over her upper thighs. She closed her eyes and gasped a handful of times, till it finally calmed within her chest. Then she looked around. The next stop on the bus was here, with a plain metal pole sticking up from a small slab of concrete. A blue sign with a white bus on top it marked the first gate to her old life.

She raised her gaze further, to a tall red school with large windows, all framed in white going four floors up. With small doors on the side, a playground for kids poked out behind it. In the back of this large building she knew, the elementary school was attached. The one closest to her contained the horrid hallways and classrooms of only teenagers. The main entrance was on the right side of this large red oblong structure. Two tall double doors, with large windows in them built in. Groups of teens huddled against them, on their way inside. Quickly only one remained and stared back at her. Someone in a light blue windjacket, covered up with a white hood, and a long blue skirt. Standing still on the metal staircase leading up to the main entry. A flat black roof stretched out from the side, an opening below it hinted at trees and fallen leaves. Along it numerous red poles kept it all up. A white wooden wall with nothing behind it stretched with the roof, until they met a large white brick building. Placed against it were plain wooden benches, now empty in the crisp morning. The white building was the gymnasium, the worst place on earth. For a moment she couldn’t help remembering that late summer’s day. That crying girl with golden hair and eyes blue like sapphires. It made the lump in her stomach loosen in gentle warmth, perhaps it was she who remained on the metal stairs, but she was gone now. Undoubtedly put off by the mere look of her, she shook her head and reminded herself of reality. Remembered the foul words spoken inside the gymnasium amidst steam and water. Even if she didn’t go there anymore, she had to have her gym class here every fucking Tuesday. Tomorrow she’d have to be subrogated to her weekly humiliation yet again. Her spine shivered with cold lightning just thinking about it, A huge mostly empty parking lot stood between what connected the buildings, and herself. Gardencity School, the lesser of two evils, but evil nonetheless. She kicked a pebble on the road and moved further up the hill beside the playground. Closing in on her proper doom, as it slowly drew nearer a wave of numbing indifference creeped in.

She walked about twenty meters above it, found the road splitting in two directions and went to her right. She turned, the bus drove past her, now coming from her front and driving down. It was empty. The inside of that morning bus must be so horrible. For the last time today, she felt a hint of luck, though it was short lived. She turned her head to her right and looked at the view. Observed the buildings huddled together at an angle, trees poking out between and behind them, with orange and yellow leaves. The colors were quite beautiful, evergreens dotted between them all. Then, she looked further down to the ocean at the very bottom. How she longed to be home. She lifted her gaze, and looked at the horizon, the ocean glittered gently. Sharp and mighty mountains of stone and earth were near and far, the hues of blue signaled their distance. Strong memories of being at the top, with a telescope and benches fell into her mind. Marion and Harrald took pictures of her while she used it. She saw their house from there, a tiny red dot near the shore. She grinned for a moment,nothing stuck while misery awaited her. She had to keep going, stepping slowly towards the ring of fire.

A sorry excuse of a school appeared to her, one story high with dreary gray walls, it didn’t exactly tempt her. Teenagers stood against its two main glass doors, mostly a group of Emokids laughing and smoking cigarettes. The teachers didn’t even try to stop them. The rest she assumed were already inside. Gardencity alternative educational academy, or GC2 for short, was the name of this horrid structure. For teens with behavioral problems, all the bullies of the entire town were dumped here. Sure the school and its amount of students were fewer than average, but the density of the most vile teens made it worse. Some days she missed her old school. This one was the true hell on earth. What luck she had that this was the stepping stone to her future, ready to traumatize her even more before she grew up. Just in time for her to erase herself from this world. 

Despite the growing numbness, the lump in her stomach had reached its maximum. Not anxiety per say, but a natural reaction to yet another day of misery. She put on her black beanie again, readied herself for the unpredictable. Some days, they left her alone. She hoped today would be such a day. 

She walked towards them, clenched her fists in her pockets. Two of them lifted their gazes and followed her with their eyes. They snarled in silence, clearly disgusted by her presence.
“Hey! Bulldyke!” A boy named Fredrik yelled. His voice was deep, with skin spotted behind a brown emo fringe, he gave her a smirk with a silent snarl. The kind of smile she had learned, the worst people had. Giving him a conniving grin yearning for misery. She flipped him off, he lifted his arms, acted offended.
“Well excuse me for telling you what you are!” He barked back in wide unserious tones. Apart from him there were also two boys and two girls. All with long black hair, long bangs covering most of their eyes. With black leather jackets, skinny jeans and sweaters in stripes, squares or some other busy pattern. They were so similar to one another, despite the point of being an ‘Emokid’ being a loner that was suffering in solitude.
“Fuck you!” She yelled back at him, jogged past them and pushed the doors up in one swift movement. The door was heavy but flung open at her command, it hit the wall behind it, this time she did it on purpose.
“Die already, you fucking..” He screamed aggressively, but the door shut and his sentence was cut short. She grinned to herself, walked into the hallway with a false bravado. Anything to keep the walls up, to keep them at a distance. She entered the locker room, boys and girls from hers and other classes surrounded her. All of them moved out of the way just enough, to not be touched by her shoulders or arms. They silently sneered in disgust at her too, a daily occurrence she had gotten used to, long before she came to this school. The indifference blossomed in her despair, sank the tension behind the veil of her awareness. The locker room was medium sized, with wooden lockers tall like the ones for wardrobes at public pools. But these were for shoes and jackets only. She found hers, a lock with a code on it kept it shut. She was sure if this had not been here, all her things would be stolen and ruined months ago. The indignity of it all wasn’t lost on her, but she deserved nothing less, so why care?

She pulled off her jacket, stepped off her black firm boots with brown laces, and lifted it all into her locker. Hurriedly she pulled out her slippers, brown and plain as they were, they kept her feet warm. Especially when winter arrived to sweep her world into darkness. She locked it, lifted her backpack up to her shoulder. Walked past handfuls of teens, entering and exiting the room to dress off. Every one of them moved out of the way. 

She bumped her shoulder against a girl from her class, named Marlene. Her big blue eyes widened in surprise. She frowned, wrinkled her nose and screamed. Her face contorted amidst layers of orange foundation, it shadowed her expression with wrinkles on her youthful skin.
“Ew she touched me!” She yelled while stroking over her own shoulder, as if to wipe off the dirt from her sweater. Runa tightened her lips, and looked down in silence. The pit in her stomach grew big and heavy despite the numbness. She hurried past her and her friends, it quickly sank down again. She jogged through the long hallway with plain gray walls, to an open door at the very end. It was bright yellow with a small sign that said: 10A. She ran through it, entered a small classroom with pastel green walls. Blue revolting curtains with green triangles dotted all over, hung against large windows, showing the view she had looked at just minutes ago. Mountains, houses, trees, leaves falling, the cruel beauty of nature. She walked past students and their desks, all bland in light wooden colors. Some sat properly against them while others moved their chairs around them. They joked and laughed, but grew silent when she passed them. Runa looked away from them, but they still whispered with contempt:
“Disgusting fucking bulldyke.” She sat quickly down by her desk at the very front. It was clearly meant for two, but nobody wanted to sit beside her. And just as well, during class she would have a semblance of peace. In this noisy classroom she was silent, and looked at a chair in the corner of the room. If anyone new arrived, they’d have to move that specific chair to right beside her. Though the likelihood of that happening was small, a notion that comforted her. Being alone was at the very least predictable.

The teacher entered the classroom, and the teens moved themselves and their chairs to their respective places, Fredrik and his little emo flock entered too. They flipped her off, the girls who had pastell platinum blond hair, and brownish orange faces saw it and laughed at her. The gesture was cruel, they all knew what those specific boys did to her on a regular basis. That terrible knot in her stomach persisted still. It was far sharper, and more horrible than her regular knot of despair. Dread creeped up quietly. She knew those girls had noticed it too, the tones in Fredrik’s voice, the wideness of his gestures. He had it in for her today, the knot coiled like a flailing animal inside her. Tightening firmly in desperation and panic. Well, fuck.

The teacher, a tall and chubby middle aged man named Simon, walked in front of the class.
“Good morning class.” He said in a jaded tone, silence was his response. A boy at the front, a skinhead named Andreas, moaned with annoyance and played with his lighter. His grungy friends sat around him, and groaned after he did. If indifference was a fashion statement, grunge was it. Loose worn down clothes, jackets usually too big for their bodies. The boys completely skinned their heads, and the girls usually had bangs, some even had mullets. Though they were notorious for being neo-nazis, a part of her doubted it. Their music was a far cry from nearly being metal, like emo music was, but it still had a kick in it she appreciated.
“Today as you know, we’re going to read and analyze essays, just like we did last week. Now go get your New Norwegian books.” The entire class groaned in a choir of boredom and annoyance. New Norwegian was the second official language of Norway. Some guy a hundred years ago traveled all across the country and gathered words from every dialect. He combined it into this new language, a mostly written one not based on Danish. It used to be a jewel, and was part of a movement to create Norwegian culture independently from the Danish occupation. Now, every teen in every school had to learn to read and write it. She hated it too, reading and writing wasn’t exactly her strong suit. But she found it amusing, simply because the guy in question was a weirdo nobody wanted to talk to wherever he went. So he had to spy on them in order to document their dialects. That image had never left her, after Simon told the class right after summer vacation when she first started here. The subject was one of the hardest for her still. Movements ensued around her, of chairs, steps and groans, she looked back.

The little lockers with everyone’s books in them were at the edge of the classroom. Teens gathered in front of them, opened the lockers and found their books. As they sat down, Runa stood up and got hers. She had learned the hard way not to attempt to join the space of the herd. Simon told them which page to open, and so she did. She leaned her head on her hand, and sighed already feeling frustrated. Knowing what was coming already made it hard to concentrate, she groaned in a whisper, looked outside the window at evergreens swaying gently in the wind. Longed for home one last time, before being thrown into headaches and tension.

*

Dreamtime fell upon her consciousness so vividly. At first it had been calm and mellow, as if floating away in warm water filled with salt. Slowly she realized, she was sinking into the deep. 

In dark endless water there was silence, eternal for just a moment, passing forever unseen. Smoldering clouds of sulfur bobbled in the deep, rattling in tones low and loud. Amidst the clouds of air and acid, a being emerged from the depths. Bubbles gathered so densely it became something. The entire mass gathered in the middle, concentrated densely by the spark of life. A slit formed inside it, slowly a hole appeared in its oval shape and started vibrating. Through its translucent skin patterns of dark denser liquid stretched the tissue, parted it and made ways narrow like rivers, stretching thinner and smaller further out. Slowly, tissue contracted at the epicenter of the waterways, the dark liquid rushed in and out of the contraction. The being had its first heartbeat. Inside its meat a spine emerged, around it digestive organs formed slowly along the hole going right through it. Atop near the opening strings gathered and knotted out from the spine, it started zapping with sparks of light. By each one the little being spasmed rapidly, moving like a living thing. 

The mouth opened wide, though its skin was still transparent. Quickly points stuck out from the knot, poked out its skin, and morphed into eyes. Finally it could see the darkness below, and the blue waves above in awe. The flashes of night and day persisted endlessly. Suddenly, it started to feel pain. If tears could fall in water, it would cry. If breath could be drawn in liquid, it would scream. Proper limbs stuck out on each of its sides, four of them flailed desperately, squirmed as the pain turned brighter red. Gradually terror emerged from its brain, burst like ignited sulfur spreading inside it. Both atop and below its being the agony shot continuously. Swimming away from the pain inside was useless. Though the ocean was vast and infinite, it could only float until finally reaching the surface.

It drew its first breath. Eyes barred open in terror, finally it screamed so loud; the barrier between sound and force pressed together and exploded. It shrieked long and hard, but the pain persisted. Eventually its organs, its spine and brain started moving, while still floating in the ocean. Everything poked out of its own eyes and mouth, flesh reddened by blood prolapsed outwards, and emptied out of itself to make the pain go away. A void inside emerged, its skin hardened and gained a pale sickly color. The screaming stopped, only the waves remained. Instead of crying for help, its soul faded inside the solid void. Dulled and dazed it realized it was just an animal, just a thing that could be harmed.

Days stopped flashing, time slowed, it could see the sunrise, the being inside the shell looked through the eyes, paused in the numbness and stared at the rays. The sun moved slowly across the sky, and set in the horizon while burning the sky into ember, before dying out. The darkness now vast and open unfolded itself. The cosmos stared back at it, countless stars meant little while observed through apathy. With flesh hanging on its outside, the pain hummed far away.

But then a sliver of light rose in the horizon, and lit the darkness anew. The shape fell over the sky in a line, bursting in the atmosphere it burned and parted as it drew nearer. In the middle of the sky it stopped, still glowing so beautifully. Its warmth felt comforting and devine even from afar. Regaining some awareness, the living being changed again. With its skeleton and flesh it morphed and moved, gathered and stretched out its limbs in digits. A body formed in the flesh hanging out, the hardened shell merged with it though still remaining hollow inside. Quickly growing around it, hands formed in front of its eyes. Manifesting a body purely so its digits could reach for the light. For the first time it felt longing. 

Two hands stretched firmly up towards the warm light, but fell short. The light moved again as if to tempt it, and fell across the sky hitting land. The light exploded and shook the world. Its impact lit up both earth, sea and sky. The ocean vibrated by the shockwave. So the being started swimming frantically to follow it, at the water’s surface it felt rocks and sand beneath its feet. It crawled so heavily in ever shallower water, cried in desperation while fighting gravity for the first time. Before standing up in the darkness with unbalanced legs. The light persisted in the distance, flickering like a flame. At the shore so dazed and tired the being started walking so gracelessly. The movements gained balance and momentum by each step taken.

It ran with desperation, beneath it the ground flattened. And it gained a real human body, heart and breath, skin and eyes of blue, thought and terror. With feet it ran, with hands it reached as the warm brightness drew nearer. The light changed shape into a square, shining and glowing it warmed against the empty shell inside the flesh. It ran through the school hallways, in warm tears it hyperventilated. The walls closed in on it, bare wet feet tapped on the cold floor. Her long blonde hair was soaked and dripping, stuck to her head and naked shoulders as panic shot up her spine. She held a white towel hard to herself, and heard the laughter of depravity behind her. She saw the doors going out of her school. The warm light of a hot summer sun led her to salvation. She desperately pressed herself against one of the doors and flung herself outside.

She fell out to Gardencity School, the metal staircase was hard and burning, leading down to asphalt. The ceiling connecting this building to the gymnasium failed to cast shadows over her. The only shadow she got came from the thin red columns placed in a line, holding the roof above her up. The sun shone from her right, but tall in the sky still. She wore her usual long blue skirt and a black hooded jacket three sizes too big. With trembling hands she crawled forward exhaustively, and sat down on the second to last step. She placed her dark leather shoes on the ground. Tears ran down her cheeks, she sobbed and shook with fear. Suddenly hearing footsteps and yelling from afar. She pushed herself against the wall beside her, and forced herself into silence. And then she came. The light, the comet, her salvation.

A girl about her own height, with a transparent waterbottle in hand. She wore black tight shorts, a dark red tanktop over a padless sportsbra. The straps over her shoulders were easily recognizable. Her skin was brown, and glowed in the sun. Her sweat made the contours of her strong biceps more defined. She looked away from her, with dark hair so short it barely curled. Her neck was broad, and her back muscles moved as she lifted her beefy left arm, and stroked her forehead. Gentle beads of sweat shone on her skin. 

She herself still pressed against the wall, frozen and bewildered she sat so quietly. Her cheeks grew warmer than they ever had before. The girl stopped, lifted her right arm and squeezed water over her head. It ran down her hair, nape and upper back. She herself gasped, her chest expanded with warmth. The girl must have heard her involuntary reaction and turned to look at her. She had big brown eyes that glowed orange, the sun reflecting on the white walls around herself lit them up. Observing her irises increased her own heartrate. The girl's bone structure was wide and sharp, but her nose and mouth were small and soft. Before their eyes met she said with quick anger:
“And what are you staring at?” A bit too loudly. 

She herself closed her mouth, straightened her back but stayed quiet. The expression on the girl changed from anger to regret. Her eyes grew warm and soft while glowing like fire, it sent shivers up her spine. They were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. For a few glorious seconds she gazed at her, with tenderness and bewilderment she felt her chest being set aflame. A sensation she thought she’d never feel again spread like liquid lava, pomping through her heart and out to all the veins in her body. Setting her ablaze even in her breath. Her mind hummed with a song of wonder, rising in melodies she thought she had forgotten. So quickly her presence melted the agony and fright away. A ray of her light broke into the shell, heating up the void for the first time in months. Oh my god.

“Shit I’m sorry. I’m just.. having a really bad day. But that’s no excuse, just forget I was even here.” The girl said in a gentle highly pitched voice. For someone so broad and masculine, her voice was surprisingly feminine when the anger left her. Her tone was tenser and sincere, in words so wondrous she expressed the impossible. Her gaze still glowing was genuine, tender, she meant every word. It’s okay, she wanted to say, come closer. But the girl jogged off so quickly, towards the door into the gymnasium. Her thighs and rear moved as she did, the movements were hypnotic. She was walking away, about to enter the darkness behind the doors. Desperation to see more of her emerged from within, an ache for the touch of her skin blossomed. In panic she was losing the opportunity, she tightened her entire body where she sat.

stop

A voice echoed as if crushing reality, to hinder what came next from happening. Then it fell into the warmth yet again, and her beautiful dream continued.

The girl stood still by the doors, instead of flinging it open with spine-tingling strength. She herself teared up with happiness and sat up from the stairs and yelled:
"Hey you!” The girl turned around. She herself ran up to her, thoroughly studied her face up close. Her dark lashes, and her beautiful eyes of fire. She herself cried with relief, there she finally was, and she was so beautiful. Her eyes were sorrowful but somehow tender in her presence. It felt like a gift, a moment of bliss extended just for her.
“I won’t forget you, so please, tell me who you are?” She asked, and lifted her slim hand up to the girl’s face. Her dark skin was smooth, her expression relaxed. Warm shivers traveled slowly up her spine, she grinned and moved closer to her dark immaculate face. Her lips were somewhat slim, they were cute beneath her soft nose.

“I’m having a bad day too.“ She herself said and leaned closer. Her heart beat harder in her chest. The girl leaned against her hand and closed her eyes. She herself felt tears trickle down her own cheeks, still longing to be even closer. She was so beautiful in the flesh, so devine in her form. Suddenly the shape of a human being was not the maker of her fear, her terror nor her pain. It was the maker of light, of warmth, and delight. It was a revelation.
“I’m so sorry, I’m having such a bad day.” The girl said further so very carefully, the sound of her voice made the hairs stand on her own arms. She opened her eyes of vivid amber, her glorious soul burned through her irises. She herself moved in, pushed their lips together hard. They smacked and moved in tingling friction, felt hot and electric. She moved her arms around her and hugged her as close as she possibly could. The girl opened her eyes, and looked at her as their kiss continued. Her gaze was still so warm, though it turned sullen and tearful.
“I want you.” The girl murmured. Her big broad hand moved slowly down her body. She herself gasped as her desire turned vast within her veins and breath, falling down to her groin. Her joy was immense, she wanted her back so strongly. She couldn’t help but wonder: Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?
“Then take me.” She whimpered with eagerness. The girl pressed her fingers against her crotch over her skirt. Pleasure ensued by her movements, her body heated up more than ever before. She touched her not with force and self-gratification. But gently with the aim to please her. She shared her light and warmth with her, and made the cold shell inside rise in temperature. She felt euphoria as the girl watched her and smiled. She moved to her ear and whispered:
“I want to protect you from everyone.” She herself grinned with hot cheeks, kissed her again, and held around her even harder. Their bodies blended together in the sun and heat, she focused on the gentle pleasure as a soft orgasm rose, the safety of her skin was overwhelming. A second ray of sunlight burst into the shell. Light started to gently envelop them both. She moaned and cried, said:
“Please, I need you.” The girl cried in her embrace, her tears steamed away beneath her golden eyes. Their flesh blended in pure ecstasy. The girl sobbed against her face, making the pleasure pause. With the fusion in light incomplete, they laid at a standstill on the burning asphalt. Reality faltered as their lips met. Amongst steaming tears and prickling warmth the girl spoke with her mind, like a burning laser shot right into her own head, hitting straight into the gaps in her now steaming shell.
When you meet me again, never let me go.
Her voice echoed in the void. She fell away from her through the ground in an instant.
And she awoke, her alarm clock went off. 

Sofie Irene Ingerbriksen Eide shut the damn clock off, threw it onto the white fluffy carpet on her bedroom floor. She laid down in semi darkness, her blinds were somewhat transparent. She closed her eyes, moved her hand down to her groin and began to rub it gently. Light pleasure emerged from beneath her fingertips, she bit her lower lip, and listened to the quiet morning. That dream again, just when she was forced to remember it, that girl shone her light and led her to safety, to a different beautiful memory. Every time she forced her to stay and she’d turn around, kiss her and blend with her. That girl, her arms, her back. She rubbed against her wet vulva harder underneath her panties. Amongst soft tingling her breath grew sharper. Her soft eyes of amber glowing in the sunlight, her big hands. That girl had touched her so deep inside. Though it was just a dream this time it felt different. For the first time the girl had spoken straight into her mind. She tried to focus, and found the real memories she had from that day. The water that ran from the bottle down her upper body. The glistening sweat. She moaned quietly, lifted her face up towards the wall. She opened her mouth, her breath jittered with long pauses. She felt her gentle orgasm spread from her groin to the rest of her pelvis. While imagining kissing those slim lips widely, and staring deeply into those burning eyes, the pleasure turned just a bit sharp. Her upper thighs shook for a few seconds, she bit her lip to quiet her moan. It soon died down and she breathed heavily as she relaxed into her bed again. 

Under the sheets her body had gotten so warm. She lifted her hand and placed it beside herself. If only she had talked to her, asked her to wait. She had never heard her laugh, nor seen her smile. Sofie sighed and sat up. She had never talked to her, never felt her skin touch her own. Her chest ached, if only she had never been that being emerging in the water, in agony and terror. She had learned the true nature of evil, how it hides in everyone. That girl, however beautiful, was no exception.

She stepped out of her double bed, stood upright and turned on the lamp on her nightstand. Her body was slim and pale. A woman stuck out around her skin, an object of desire. From one month to another in eighth grade, this woman emerged and changed her life for the worse. Most she assumed would be happy to have a body like hers. She bet they never knew the price of beauty. All these features attached to her, made people assume so many things about her, and look at her with piercing eyes. Her spine chilled just by the thought, and she had to face it, every damn day.

She put on her morning robe before she needed to, just so she wouldn’t have to look at herself. And went into her closet to pull out pieces of today’s outfit. Her room was light, sky blue and filled with pictures and drawings of plants and insects. Against them stood white furniture, pillows, fluffy blankets on her soft white bedding, and a carpet that matched it. Two large bookshelves stood against the sky blue walls, filled to the brim with endless books she had read at least twice. And a small collection of CDs. She pulled out a long dark blue skirt, non-seethrough pantyhose, a big white hooded jacket, at least three sizes too big. And a black tanktop to wear underneath. She held it on her skinny arm, covered with her thick morning robe making it look so big, and moved to her drawers. Quickly she pulled out a change of underwear and a sportsbra with no padding in it. She put it all on the bed, and walked out of her room.

The hallway was white, with boxed cabinets in light wooden hues. Beside her room was two more doors, one leading to the bathroom she shared with her little brother, and the other to his room. She walked into the bathroom, through a white door with an elegantly shaped door handle. The bathroom light was white and bright. The tiles were pale like eggshells, and the toilet matched them. The white square sink, and the bathtub with a shower in it were all spotless. She pulled her panties down and stepped out of it, threw it in a hamper. And sat down on the toilet to pee, when she dried herself the paper ran smoothly against her vulva. She had to wipe herself another time just to get it all away. She flushed and stood up, moved in front of the mirror. Her pale blond hair was up in a messy bun. Looking at her big blue eyes and pale lashes, her straight nose and full lips, it all made her frown in rising dispair. What was beauty truly worth if it made her miserable? 

She bent down, washed her face in hot water and dried it off on a yellow towel hanging by the sink. She picked up her purple toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste onto it, turned on the tap and watered the brush just a little. Then she put it in her mouth and brushed thoroughly. After she rinsed her mouth she put it back and stared at herself again. Her stomach sank, pressure behind her eyes emerged, observed them watering. Gently she the locker beside the mirror, and found some face cream. She was generous with it, the leftovers she stroked down over the skin of her throat. Then she pulled out the hair tie from her hair and her messy mane fell over her shoulders. Her wavy semi curly pale blonde hair was thick and messy. She grabbed her hairbrush and combed it carefully, her waves persisted despite it. Her long bangs covered most of her face, but she had at least one eye exposed when at school. All to hide herself from prying eyes. For now she put her entire bangs behind her ears and exited the bathroom.

She got changed in her room, threw the robe on her bed. Yawned while she put on the last article of clothing, her big white hooded jacket. She resisted putting the hood over her head, it had become a force of habit. She hasn't even left her home yet, and reminded herself to relax. Calmly she walked through the hallway, and found only her little brother Olai remaining at the kitchen table. She heard her step-father Amund yell from downstairs:
“Have a good day! Bye!” She yelled back:
“Bye Dad!” Then he slammed the front door shut. She sat down beside Olai who ate the last of his slice of bread, and drank the last milk in his glass. He smiled innocently at her. His hair was blond as well, in summer it was almost white. Now it had darkened to a color darker than hers own. It had gray undertones, unlike her own which glowed golden in direct sunlight. She lifted her hand, and stroked his hair at the top.
“Have you packed your lunch?” She asked softly, he nodded and yawned.
“And brushed your teeth?” He grinned and nodded again. He was eight now, a memory flickered, of his tiny hand gripping her finger for the first time. His brown eyes had opened just for her. No matter how big he got, that infant was burned into her brain. She’d never forget that burst of love in her chest. Now that kind of feeling was only a memory. Though a dulled shell in front of him, she still smiled.
“Are you going to do anything fun today?” She asked further. He smiled with white front teeth too big for his mouth. Though a bit small for his age, he had the same lively disposition as his father. His face was quite similar too though rounder and cuter, with his eye color and slim lips.
“Yeah we’re swimming today, I have already packed for that too. Mom helped me with it.” He said in a joyful thin voice. Sofie nodded and stroked his back.
“Off you go then, and remember to look both ways before you cross the road.” She said in a playfully stern voice. He played along, tensed his face up into a very focused expression, and nodded back to her. Then he relaxed and laughed a thin rolling laughter. They both had inherited their mother’s laugh. A feature she quite liked to have. Olai hugged her quickly with his tiny arms and sprinted into the hallway. He quickly ran down the stairs, out of sight. After he got dressed and closed the door; the house became completely silent. 

Around her was an open plan kitchen, dining and livingroom. With older vintage furniture from maybe the thirties or forties, painted in light wooden colors. The floor matched one of them, in light brown. The kitchen floor had white glossy tiles. The counters and cupboards were white and clean as well. The kitchen table matched the furniture, while the bigger black dining table and chairs appeared to be a designed set. With dark gray and brown cushions on the chairs. It was a pretty home, a perfect image for a perfect family. Except of course, herself. 

She walked down the broad white staircase after packing her lunch, putting it in her backpack, and taking it with her from her room. She held her hand on the wooden railing while she stepped down the white tiled steps. The hallway was darker, with light gray tiles and soft eggshell walls. Pictures of expensive vacations south of Europe, or further down were hung all around the walls. Family portraits, wedding portraits, solo portraits from their childhoods. All to sway anyone entering into liking them. It felt like a deception, even though she admitted, it probably wasn’t. She was the broken one. She was the deceiver, not the rest of them.

Sofie put on a light blue windjacket and her white knitted hat and scarf. She walked outside and locked the door after herself. Wind blew in her face, only her bangs danced along with it, the rest of her hair was beneath the white hood of her hooded jacket, and her windjacket. She wondered how far the wind had traveled, through mountains and valleys, from monsoons and rainfall, the winds whirled high above the oceans in complicated systems. Her mind’s eye flickered with weather patterns from forecasts, and countless birds riding as the wind mellowed out and spread across the earth. She looked at the view from their house on top of the hill. Countless equally big and pretty houses stood between lawns and trees in strong autumn colors. She wondered exactly how the system of decay and slumber in winter originated, in the far too distant past. What kind of plants were the first to sink their roots into soil on land? The roots of plants and fungi webbed together beneath the earth, like veins spreading thin in an animal. She saw the bus stop a few roads down, and nearly bare trees around it. There was a shortcut between the roads leading to it. When she started walking she turned around for a few seconds, observed their white tall house with big windows she hadn’t bothered to look through. Above the main door a patch of roof was held up by four greco-roman inspired columns. It was quite the statement piece. She frowned, it was way too fancy for her taste.

She walked the path through the shortcut. Golden leaves crushed beneath her black leather shoes. She looked down at the vein-like structures inside the leaves plastered on the asphalt. And envisioned all lifeforms developing veins like rivers inside a womb or egg, just like in her dream. She pictured a heart pumping blood, and pushing flesh aside to make veins. Looking up, a single green leaf held onto a branch right above her. The sky shone behind it, lit up the veins in the leaf. The images of small moving mouths breathing in the CO2, too small to see with the naked eye on the leaves’ surfaces. Absorbing the sun and converting it to glucose, before breathing out oxygen for her to absorb through her lungs. There was something comforting about the notion that she helped life flourish, just by breathing. Then she imagined rainfall and wondered exactly how the monsoons in India happened. She knew it had something to do with the himalayas. The weather patterns appeared again, bent the trees down to the ground in storms so brutal and beautiful. She stood by the bus stop in silence for a few minutes, closed her eyes and turned her head upwards. Wind blew in her face yet again, gushed her bangs to the side so she could see it in all its splendor. It wasn’t as cold as she had predicted, she heard the trees rustle and smiled, they were keeping her alive too, in a way. That, and water itself. Beyond the greenery and big houses the ocean was wide in the horizon, harboring majestic mountains with sharp jagged peaks. Though the shrubs and trees huddling against the steep rocks were mostly naked, it still looked like they tried to keep the mountains warm. Sullenly she got lost in the glimmering sunlight reflecting on the ocean surface. Before looking up at the blue sky again. She wondered when it first rained, and just how shallow the ocean had once been. She envisioned the first life happening around vents in the ocean’s depths. Closing her eyes in the mists of time, spines, eyes, limbs and movement appeared frantically. It was easy to wonder, of all life had originated in the cycle of life and death. if everything indeed had been suffering? She wanted forget the useless knowledge she somehow had retained, and to forget ever being such a being, emerging torturously just to show her what life used to be. She opened her eyes again, tried to observe the sky for the sake of its beauty. Only a few clouds could be seen across it. She heard the bus, quickly pulled the hood of her windjacket over the white one already over her head. She moved her bangs over her face, and pressed her chin and lips down against her white scarf. The bus stopped in front of her, as it rumbled and shook, it opened its doors for her. A knot tightened in her stomach. She sighed quickly, stepped into the bus and lifted a bus card from her pocket. Pressed it against a scanner. Then the doors closed behind her and she sat down on a double seat with no one else on it. She put her backpack on the empty seat beside her. The bus drove, and her deceivably picturesque neighborhood passed before her eyes. 

Countless childhood memories passed by in her mind. Who lived where, what the houses looked like inside. Snowball fights in the winter, walking through sprinklers in the summer. They were indeed happy memories, but now they made her chest hurt. Her hands began to jitter, she pressed the palms against her upper thighs. With a shaky breath she began to breathe more deeply and slowly, all to counteract that horrible feeling rising inside her. By each stop the bus got fuller, teens and kids laughed and joked like nothing was wrong. She frowned while she attempted to hide herself as much as possible, and sank down in her seat. 

The bus stopped in Havetown square, stood still for a few minutes. Between charming wooden townhouses the ocean peeked through. The main dock had three white ferries swaying in the water. The dock was made of old thick wood, but the house made to accompany it was built with stone, and painted bright yellow. All windows and doors, even on the stone building, was framed in white. The wooden townhouses huddled together as if to keep warm, the main square was paved with fine stones in gray. Countless people had walked over them for at least a hundred years. Around it she remembered, more stone houses were built after a fire in the thirties.

Then the busdriver started the engine, out of her view it had become a new route. The bus hummed again, and quickly drove along this new path. Up a hill going out of the city, more modern buildings pressed together still, kiosks, hotels, restaurants and bars had signs and entries with signs and little lights. Well past Harevtown school and further up the hill, the buss turned into the Gardencity area. Excitedly she sat herself up straight, moved her bangs out of the way, and looked out the window. Though her anxiety lingered within her, a gentle heat sprinkled around it. She bit her lip with excitement, knowing that girl could show up. She lived somewhere below the school, and usually walked up the hill and past it. She had glimpsed her at the last turn a few times, and of her walking past it after she herself had exited the bus sometimes. She was always outside anyone’s reach, and always kept her head down. Sofie barred her eyes open, saw her walking close to the turn with a dark red windjacket. The bus slowed down, and began to turn. It felt like a blessing given only to her. The girl stopped to wait for the bus to pass, the sun glowed against her beautiful dark face. Her jacket was slightly open at the throat, a black knitted hat over her hair. For once Sofie got a good look at her golden eyes again, and she was smiling too. Her white teeth were small and straight inside her grin, even at a distance she saw clearly the shape of her dark lips around them. She had guessed it would be cute, but it also was so beautiful. Heat rose in her cheeks, her heart began to beat faster. A small shiver went up her spine, and warmed her breaths up. The bus turned, and the girl moved out of sight. 

She sighed deeply, and sank down in her seat. The heat in her body remained, she smiled to herself. That was wonderful, she was so beautiful it hurt in her chest. Not long after, the bus stopped at her school, and everybody stepped slowly out. She made sure to be last. The moment she stepped out of it, the doors closed and the bus drove off. She looked up at her big red school. Slowly she walked a few meters away from the group of loud rowdy teens, Some went to her class, most didn’t. Thankfully everyone around her usually left her alone, unlike at her old school in Milkweed.

The students walked up the steps and through the four glassdoors opening into the school. She walked up the steps behind them, but stopped. She turned her head, and pushed her bangs out of the way. Finally observed the girl jogging up the road, the way she ran had such a flow to it. Sofie smiled, heat rose in her cheeks again. The girl stopped, took off her black hat and bent over her legs, seemed out of breath. Sofie barred her eyes open wide, observed her closely from afar. She straightened her back, turned her head and looked straight at her. There were some forty meters between them. An entire mostly carless parking lot, it might as well have been an entire ocean. Her heart beat faster, the girl looked forward again and began to walk, kicked something too small to be seen at a distance. Even the way she walked had a wonderful movement to it. Sofie stepped into the glass door, lingered for just a few more moments. The girl walked with big hard steps, Sofie sighed with longing. Her legs had been so strong that late summer’s day. They probably were still. She bit her lower lip, imagined her exactly like she had been when they met. She wished to see her run, see her sweat. If her gate was this forceful, how would her sprinting be? The thought alone sent a hot thrill through her entire torso.

She tore herself away from this momentary bliss, and stepped through the door. It shut hard behind her, and she stepped up another staircase. It was short like the one before, she arrived at a long broad hallway. It went through the entire school, with some doors separating it that were always open. She walked up right in the middle of it, pushed herself through teens walking across her. The walls were yellow, and the floor was gray with darker dots on it, like it was stone. Though it probably wasn’t. Teens gathered in the opening ahead, on their way into a big locker room with only two wide openings. She stopped at the edge of the group. And waited to see if there were gaps, where she’d feel less uncomfortable walking into. The knot in her stomach tensed up, and she breathed a quick jittery breath. No gaps appeared, so she accepted her fate and pushed herself into it. Though trying to make sure nobody touched her directly, she still rubbed shoulders with a handful of them. The lockers were a meter high, stacked only twice onto each other. In bright red and blue the colors alternated like that of a chessboard. Rather densely placed, she managed to move through the droves of her fellow students.

There was room for her to put her backpack down, and to enter the code on the lock of her locker. Her spine shivered with cold fear. She took off her jacket, hung it up carefully. Her hands kept shaking. Quickly she pulled the white sleeves of her hooded jacket over her hands. She stepped off her black leather shoes and grabbed a pair of dark sandals. Put the shoes into the locker, threw her hat and scarf over them and closed it. Locked it with trembling fingers. She stepped into her sandals, picked up her backpack and squeezed herself out again. Inevitably she brushed shoulders with them yet again, each time her spine trembled in frozen fear, making her brain shriek within.

She walked quickly and almost soundlessly up the continuation of the staircase, that she arrived in. It went further up, was broad like the hallway. Windows glared with white light up it. She jogged up the first half of the floor, and turned. Some boys walked beside her, and looked at her for a moment. They somehow seemed interested in her, she tied her fists amidst another cold shiver. Quickly she ran up the next set of stairs, reaching the second floor. A light pressure behind her eyes emerged, while her hands continued to shake in her sleeves. She sighed hard, regained control of her emotions just enough to remain unnoticeable. This floor was for the ninth and eighth grades. The room in front of her was ten meters wide in both directions, and had doors connected to the teacher’s lounge, the library, and the entry to the color coded classrooms. Two large groups of teens stood at each corner of it. Both were made up of mostly girls, with hair the same shade as hers. Platinum blonde, unlike hers they had clearly dyed their hair. They had combed false volume at the top of their heads. And wore tight pants with ends slacking near their feet. Their faces were caked with layers of foundations too dark for their complexions. Some opted for spraytans so it matched the rest of their bodies. Though better looking, it still seemed unnatural, and tinted slightly in orange. Their cold glances at her made her spine shake with fear. They paused their conversation just to stare at her, two of them frowned their brows and slim mouths in disgust. She passed them quickly and continued up the stairs, a bit out of breath she kept on running. Everybody hated her for some reason, she could feel it deep in her bones. And it was slowly getting worse.

Then she entered the top floor, the tenth grade classrooms were color coded in red. As if it was hell itself, which was strangely fitting, at least for her. She walked past a small sofa matching the red door, and walked through the threshold. What met her was a narrow hallway with hooks on the wall. To the left there was a door leading to a broader yellower hallway. It had several doors to small meeting rooms, a tiny office for the teachers, and near the end there was a unisex bathroom. It only had a few booths inside, and shared sinks, and it was her saving grace. She hoped she wouldn’t need it today. Then at the very end was another red door leading to her horrid noisy tenth grade classroom.

It had numerous desks and chairs that were placed on top of them, with hooks underneath the seats. The legs on the chairs gathered in the middle and poked out like a spider against the floor with four arms. The seats and backrests were in pastel wooden colors, but the legs were dark gray. Around twentysix desks matched them in every way. A big blackboard with pieces of chalk on its rim, covered most of the front wall. Broad numerous windows filled the right wall, and pale sunlight shone through it. Behind it was the back side of her school, with playing equipment for the elementary school attached to this building. Only the top of the tall fir trees around them showed in the windows. About a month ago she heard someone mention that there was a smaller school up there, for troubled teens. That’s when she figured out where that girl walked to every morning. Up there, behind houses, roads and trees she was living her life.

The wall that faced her when looking into the room was bright red, it was a movable wall, with pieces that could be gathered together and pressed against one side. Behind it 10B was, but it was rarely moved. 10C was on the first floor, a smaller leftover class. At first she was unhappy to be in this bigger class, thinking a smaller one had more room for her. But she had quickly learned that 10C had a stronger potency of nasty people. Though lately, while observing her fellow 10A students, she had concluded that they were all bad. Every teen at every school were inherently ill-natured, and some undoubtedly hid evil within themselves as well. It wasn’t a surprise to her anymore when they were unhappy to see her. Facing them all was the bane of her existence. She sighed hard looking at them, joking and laughing, mingling and gathering atop each other’s desks. She lowered her head still with her hood on, and stepped inside.

She sat down in the front, beside a slim blue eyed boy, he was as tall as her. Which was short for a tenth grade boy. In the beginning when she started here, his presence had given her so much panic. She had her first meltdown of terror, it made her run frantically down the stairs not knowing of any good hiding places yet, so she had collapsed by the school entrance. After, when she went out for air was when she first saw her.

She had gone to the library in town and found a psychology book, and had figured out exactly what those horrid experiences were. An anxiety disorder, more specifically panic attacks. She was definitely traumatized as well. That night she had cried herself to sleep, grieving the girl she used to be yet again. Eventually she had also learned, that this boy beside her was one of the few in her class that left everyone alone. So she had gotten used to him. His name was Artur, and he smiled at her when she sat down beside him. His eyes were blue like the ocean, and his hair was dirty blonde and mousy.
“Hey.” He said rather casually. His voice was clearly changing still, the few times he laughed it cracked and strained.
“Hi.” She responded and looked at him for just a moment. Then she looked away, and made sure her bangs and hood were hiding her face properly.
“What have you been doing this weekend?” He asked, she shrugged.
“Read, watched TV. Nothing special.” She replied. “And you?” He leaned on his arm and she caught him looking at her.
“Oh just the same old same old, WOW and comics.” He answered. Though he was usually quiet and seemingly shy, he talked to her. More often than not he talked about video games, WOW standing for World of Wordcraft, in particular. An open world fantasy game, she had read in a magazine once; that the game was addicting. People losing their lives in favor of playing it endlessly. Though it probably was just a ploy, crafted to make people interested. Artur somehow knew to keep the chatter both casual and short, talking about it rather than himself. Sometimes she found his stares to linger, which made her uncomfortable, but she managed without panicking today.

Students behind her began to calm down even before the teacher arrived. She looked up at the round clock above the blackboard. It was time. The teacher arrived, a blonde short and skinny woman named Britt. She was the class’ main teacher, and taught German and Geography. Teens started moving, chairs got shoved on the floor and made a terrible noise. She stood up and flinched by the intensity of it, looked at her peers gathering in the corner of the classroom to get their books. She sank by the notion she would have to move inside the herd again. So she closed her fists to stop them from shaking. The days were long amidst tension and numbed terror, they always were.

*

The round clock above the whiteboard stared back at Runa, as if to mock her with the inevitable. She groaned while seated at her desk, knew what was coming once the time was eleven o’clock. Any second now the arms would move to that precise position, the teacher would leave. And the rains of this classroom would be let loose. In-between classes it happened too, but only for a few minutes. It was nothing she couldn’t handle. But lunch followed by recess? Forty five minutes of uninterrupted torment? She might as well put a target on her head. Already knowing what kind of day this was, she dreaded it. 

“Right, there we are.” Their english teacher, a woman named Mona said.
“Have a nice lunch.” She continued, and packed her books quickly. She knew not to linger with these people. There was only one class per grade. None of them were especially good either way. She formed a plan in her mind’s eye. The hallways, all the places to hide, they knew them all. But the effort of finding her was sometimes too bothersome for them. Maybe that would be enough of a buffer this time? She got up quickly, pulled her lunchbox and waterbottle out of her backpack. Putting it under her right arm, while holding the bottle in her left hand, she hurried past them. Narrowly missed a few legs sticking out to stumble her on her way. Her reflexes were luckily well developed, though nothing else was.

She exited her classroom, jogged past the two next ones, all with open doors. One of them; bright green, another bright blue. Their grades were colorcoded. 9A, 8A, she passed the doors leading outside. Followed the gray hallway to its very end, found the door leading into a storage room to be unlocked. A stroke of luck or her doom, she didn’t know just yet. Quickly she ran inside and closed it, wished it could be locked from the inside. The room was pained light yellow, with bright red plastic chairs with metal legs stacked higher than she was. Between them were cardboard boxes, white foldable tables, and leftover whiteboards pressed together. The room was no bigger than ten meters, but seemed smaller. 

The lump in her chest calmed a bit, she hadn’t noticed anyone following her. So she looked up and sighed a deep and hard breath. Sat down on the floor, and leaned her back against the wall. She opened the lunchbox and found four slices of bread she had prepared the evening before. Bland toppings of cheese, ham and mayo underneath. She didn’t feel like eating, but had learned in her childhood to eat anything she could get her hands on, even if she hated the taste. This was nothing, and so she ate with no effort. She finished quickly and drank half the water in her bottle in one go. Then finally she leaned her head against the wall, and closed her eyes. The silence closed in on her, making her listen carefully.

The door beside her opened hard and quickly, and dunked loudly into the wall. She stood up and stepped away from it. Fredrik and two of his pals entered the room. She stepped as far back as she could, but there wasn’t much room to make proper distance between them. She leaned against the stacks of plastic chairs and cardboard boxes. Her breaths grew heavy with fear, and her eyes were focused. At least this time, she had eaten first. Fredrik grinned, walked slowly inside.
“There you are bulldyke!” He shouted with a smirk. One of his friends named Alexander laughed forcefully. They followed him in pace and mood like that of a play. By now their actions were rehearsed, every movement she had learned to read. Every glance she hyper focused on. She didn’t like the fiery look of Fredrik’s pale blue eyes today.
“We have been looking all over for you, shitface!” Alexander said. He was slimmer, she had seen a picture of them on their myspace pages in the computer room. They had been smaller and slimmer in ninth grade. Now, after summer they were taller and stronger. The bullies at Gardencity school had been more numerous, but were far lesser. Their blows had been weaker and more inexperienced. These three were in a different caliber altogether. They, like her; had clearly been fighting tooth and nail their whole lives. Dumped here the minute they started in eighth grade. She knew Fredrik lived at a youth institution, the others she assumed lived with their families. She wondered if the pain of life did this to them, or if they let cruelty shape them willingly, just so they could have some fun? She tightened her brows, the details of her surroundings sharpened. She knew this would hurt. It always did.

“God you’re so fucking ugly, I just wanna beat your teeth in, nigger.” Fredrik added, his voice lowered and he spoke slowly, as if he enjoyed every moment of this. Anger and fear boiled together in her while she lifted her arms, and tied her fists hard. She breathed short breaths, observed him slowly stepping to the side, like a nimble lion preparing soundlessly for the kill. His tight black pants and T-shirt with the Nirvana logo on it somehow made him comedic, his dark fringe made him seem more like a starving hyena.
“Fuck you’re so ugly.” Said Fredrik’s other lackey Mathias. He was as broad as her but much taller, and was the group’s obvious muscle. She remembered the force of his fists from last time. Though pain itself was harder to remember, she dreaded it still. His clothes were bigger and looser, but that black fringe made him fit in with them.
“Fuck you!” She screamed in response, holding back foul words the best she could. Fredrik barred open his eyes, he breathed heavily but slowly, clearly being angry already. For once she hadn’t egged him on. Her presence was reason enough.
“Get her!” He commanded loudly, then they moved in. She wanted to push herself into the corner and disappear, but instead she threw herself into their fists and screamed. It was a rehearsed action by now. The anger took over, making everything hurt less. They lifted her up, slammed her onto the floor, she beat around herself and kicked her legs. Hit Alexander hard enough on his knee to scream. Mathias grabbed her flailing arms and held them down against the floor, while Alexander sat down on her legs, still cursing at her for landing a hit. 

She got a moment to take in this horrid experience, the moment of clarity was torture. She shut her mouth hard, her heavy breathing persisted. The anger within her faded, and shivering despair took its place. She frowned intensely while Fredrik bent down on her with a calm breath. His eyes were darker than usual, as if his pupil dilated. His irises were cold and ice blue, just like her mother. His brows curled in anger while pausing seemingly to drag this out. She began to feel terror, it shook within her spine and trembled against her belly. Her breath grew sharper, tears swelled up in her eyes. Twice a month at least, she was at his mercy. And he had none of it, nobody ever did.
“Please don’t..” She whispered, then stopped herself. Her breath jittered. He forced compassion to mock her, and pouted:
“Oh you poor thing, I know you want to beg, come ooon.” He spoke gently. She hyperventilated hard, a surprising anger brewed in her. Maybe if she hadn’t yelled at them this morning, they would have left her alone? Stupid as she was, it still felt unfair.
“What the fuck is your problem!? Can’t you just not be a fucking dick!? Huh?” She yelled and twisted her arms and legs in their grip. They grinned at her, and seemed to dislike her lack of genuine pleading. From past experiences she had learned not to beg for mercy. For some disturbing reason it made them more cruel. She bit her tongue, and forced her mouth shut.
“Did you just.. beg?” Fredrik asked smugly. She widened her gaze in terror, and gritted her teeth to restrain herself. Something must have happened to him recently, for him to go so hard out of his way to hurt her. She frowned harder, and forced her face into a tight angry expression, despite her terror. She leaned her head forward and spit him in the face, she was doomed anyway. Might as well fight it to the bitter end.
“You’re such a fucking psychopath!” She yelled furiously. He lifted his arm, she flinched. And the bones and muscles around her eye exploded. She screamed, twisted in an attempt to break one hand free, to grip where it hurt. But they were strong, and held her in place. Not many people could do that, she had always been unlucky, now most of all. Then she felt a hit against her shoulder, tears began to involuntarily press out her eyes. She sobbed and screamed with anger. As if growling at them forced her bravery out. Mathias’s grip loosened, he moved his beefy arm up and hit her in the face. His fist slipped at her nose, her face burst with pain. She screamed again, this time with fear stuck in her throat. They laughed and relished in her suffering. Her hand slipped from his grip, and she pushed it against her face. Saw blood from her nose smeared on the light parts of her palm.
“Why haven’t you killed yourself yet, you fucking disgusting bulldyke?” Fredrik said softly, it was always the same insults. She could probably mime along with them, if she felt like being tortured. The meaning behind their words she had numbed to already. He pretended to hit her just to see her flinching again.
“Why do you even bother breathing? You know nobody will care if you die!” He continued. She turned away, involuntary sobs exited her lips. If only she could blink these moments away, awake later not remembering a thing.
“Oh bu fucking hu!” Mathias yelled and grinned. He kicked her hip, she attempted to catch it with her left arm. In doing so she faced them again, but didn’t dare look directly at them.
“She’s even uglier when she cries.” Alexander commented happily. She felt blood enter her mouth, and tasted the iron against her tongue. Peeking at them in her sobs, she saw a fist move towards her, she closed her eyes and braced herself. The fist hit hard against her stomach, the air got beaten out of her. Her eyes barred open in pure panic, her mouth gasped for air. They let go of her, she pressed her hands firmly against her stomach and writhed on the floor. She gasped loudly and repeatedly, attempted to breathe but couldn’t. The panic ensued when she felt herself choking from within. Though a different feeling from actually being choked, she vaguely remembered. It inexplicably gave her a brighter terror, terrible and red and frightening. The deepest parts of her mind shrieked in loud crisp words: Fight and live!

“Let’s leave her to it!” Alexander shouted enthusiastically.
“Yeah, maybe this time she’ll actually die!” Fredrik yelled and laughed. They walked out of the room in joyous moods. She curled her back and twisted on the floor. Among the terror of dying, and the pain of her bruises, she wanted to give in. 

She attempted to silence her gasps, and felt the corners of her vision lessen. They caved in on her, but her body took over. The most basic of instincts forced her to gasp harder. And finally air entered her lungs, she sat up and bent over her legs. Now having gained her breath, she could finally sob. She hyperventilated while her tears blended with her blood. Pressed her big ugly hands against her own face, and tried to hold the pain still. She wanted to feel it more, the pain was something she had always known. It had followed her from childhood, and loomed over her when she was without it. She was so disgusting, that she knew. But why did she have to be so ugly as to deserve this? She understood how annoying she was, her breath alone was tiresome. Then why did she keep holding on? Nothing would ever change, she couldn’t, and neither could they. She wondered why she ever bothered to come back, every day. Her life would be terrible and short, she deserved nothing less for being born wrong. Accepting her life would be like this until the very end, she wasn’t that sad about it. Then why did she still cry?

On her way from the storage room with her lunchbox and bottle in hand, she walked past the girls from her class with blond hair and orange faces. A different group all together. They burst into laughter when they saw her. Their happy white smiles at her misery made tears swell in her eyes again. She hurried past them so they wouldn’t see her cry. Noted that she was unusually sensitive today.
“Ew! She’s bleeding!” Marlene yelled as she did.
“Dykeblood!” Another shouted as well. They laughed together so maliciously.
“Go home and kill yourself!” A third screamed with changing tones, in a joyful melody. They began to chant it with glee.
“Kill yourself! Kill yourself! Kill yo..” Runa slammed the door to the bathroom shut. It had five stalls in them, all in a bland gray color. She locked the door from the inside, and turned to the mirror.

Her dark skin was smeared with bright red blood, some dried darker against her nose and lips. Her eye was already slightly swollen. She sobbed in gasps, and agreed: She was indeed even uglier when she cried.

-

Of course she left early. She had dried herself off quickly, some blood in the sink remained as proof of her suffering. She had packed her things quickly while they all stared at her and laughed. The girls began to chant their favorite song again. She had held her tears in, they gave her no sympathy. The teacher had entered the classroom as she left, staring at her with big eyes, but saying nothing. Though he was hardly surprised, he faked a sympathetic gaze to mock her. As if this was wrong, when clearly, it was her destiny. Something about her made them all hate her, something about her voice, her presence, her body, even her smile they found displeasing. Maybe they were all broken, and she was the most broken of them all. In the pyramid of life, she was born on the bottom. And merely existed so these broken idiots could finally feel good about something. Some cosmic punishment for daring to exist, daring to hold on.

When she exited the school it was silent, the clouds had gathered in the sky. The wind turned colder around her. A bus on route for the third time today drove along; it had passed by her old school in low rumbling engine noises, before driving up here. It turned at a round turning point right beside her new school. It was completely empty inside, apart from someone having clearly forgotten their backpack, placed in the seats furthest back. She sighed and looked down, frowned as she fought her tears. She should’ve never switched schools. The bus turned completely, drove down and disappeared, the silence rose again, and she started walking.

-

When she arrived home, she let her backpack down to the ground. Instead of going inside she walked slowly to the shore in a numbed state. A wooden bench had been placed underneath the tree in their garden. As the waves crashed into shore, and gentle rain fell from the sky onto her beating face, she sat down on the bench. Stared at the ripples in the water, the gray sky and mountains hiding in the fog. She sobbed silently, her body was so heavy. Many parts of her glowed in pain, the harder her sobs got the more it hurt. 

She remembered when she first arrived at this wonderful place, to these parents, and this home. She had been thirteen, and when pain happened to her. She didn’t flinch, didn’t scream, she fell and hurt herself, and she didn’t make a sound. The longer she stayed, the more sensitive she got. But what was it worth, if she was beat up anyway, and hurt more because of their kindness? She sobbed, imagined taking her last breath inside that storage room. Quickly she’d die, only two people would miss her, and that would pass, she was sure. They’d find someone younger, less broken. Find a real child to love, not a sorry excuse of a person like her. 

Her sobs calmed, her facial expression hurt her wounds. She frowned, felt anger rise within her. Why couldn’t she just hang herself in the closet like her peers wanted? Or drown herself in the ocean? She was angry at herself, such a coward she was. In two years she’ll be eighteen, by then she had already decided, she’d be brave enough to do it. Her mind filled intrusively with the countless ways to end it all. Overdose like her birthmother, cut herself in the tub, tie anything around her neck, and kick the chair beneath her feet. She saw the knives in the kitchen, lingered there in her mind’s eye. Slowly she’d cut her dark skin open, see the blood beam out of her along with the beats of her heart. She’d relax into it, in warm water she’d drift away. Vocal by Madrudaga would be playing for the last time.

In her anger at still being alive, she stood up, picked up a stone the size of a baseball and threw it into the ocean. It splashed hard, and was somewhat satisfying to witness. She quickly picked up a bigger one, screamed in frustration as she threw it. The splash was bigger, the sound of it even more deep and satisfying. She paused, staring at the circular  ripples in the water, slowly fading out. Maybe she could put rocks in her pockets, and walk into the ocean? A chill shot up her spine, quickly tears gathered and blurred her eyesight. She sobbed again, the sea tempted her with its embrace. But she had recalled something from last year, when she was forced to swim among the students at her old school. They didn’t have the guts to be that brutal to her, but her torment was never ending nonetheless. One of the teachers had told them how painful drowning was. That when she couldn’t hold her breath anymore, her body would take over like it had inside that storage room. In involuntary crampes she’d breathe in the water, it would be painful. A burning sensation inside her throat and lungs. But maybe, if she found some alcohol and got really wasted, she’d dare? She had heard it increased both barvery and numbness. But her parents didn’t even drink, not ever. She picked up another stone, threw it hard. Grabbed another, paused with it in her hand. She stared at the round, gray and heavy mass held by her fingers, imagined beating it hard against her head. She grew quiet, and readied herself, but her face tightened and she sobbed pathetically before letting it go. The thud of it hitting other stones, was barely audible through her sobs and breaths.

She sat down on the bench, crossed her arms and laid down on her back, and looked at the clouds. The fear of death shook through her, tears made the gray clouds even more blurry. She often thought it would set her free, but the reality of it was different. She figured it couldn’t be more painful to die than it is to live. But actual death? Fading into the abyss, not existing anymore? She often wondered why life had found itself in her consciousness, why her? And not a happy person with a good life? The cosmos had put her as the witness of pain, and it would end when she died. A part of her wanted to fight, wanted to live still. If her parents were good, even if nobody else was, that could be enough. Sometimes, she felt their love, and was thankful for it. And other times, like now, she found it hard to accept. Their love felt undeserving, even deceiving. It wasn’t fair to them she was such a nuisance. She wondered if they regretted it sometimes, opening their door to her. She put them through so much just by existing in this world, being shunned by it every step of the way. She closed her eyes, tried to remember sitting in that shrink's office countless times. Being asked how she felt, asked questions to make her ponder. How does your feelings shape your reality? She remembered asking what reality even is. she sighed when the answer came to her. Most of those forced conversations had faded in her memory by now, though she only stopped coming about a year ago. She imagined a tall grey haired man speaking in soft tones, telling her as if she’d understand. He expected her to, and it changed her world.

You experience the world not just through your senses, but your feelings as well. Your body remembers when you don’t. It protects you from your memories, from your feelings, from yourself, even when it’s bad for you. 

A moment of clarity from beyond the veil struck her, the terror of her past peeked through, showed her what she had survived. Of course she felt the way she did, nothing was her destiny. She was at the mercy of those unaware, in a chain of suffering and violence going back generations, amidst the randomness of happenstances she sat at the tail end, receiving their pain. Undeserving, innocent, and helpless to stop it. Was her face and body disgusting? Probably. Was she indeed dumb and slow? Without a doubt. But did she deserve it? No, she didn’t. Not once, not ever.

Her sobs stopped, and her face relaxed while her tears dried on her skin. The clarity faded, her mind fogged and numbed instead, the wind blew above her. Made her tears cold and crusty. She saw a white and gray seagull fly in the sky. It swayed amidst gradient gray shapes, its wings still like sails on a ship. If only she had been that instead, a bird with wind under its wings, with no concept of life or death. Pure feeling without awareness, what bliss it’d be to exist like that. If anyone tried to hurt her, she’d just fly away. Runa, the seagull. She grinned weakly to herself. Knew she’d be one big seagull. For a moment she giggled exhaustively at the image in her head. Of a fat strong little crime against nature, with her boring brown eyes over a long orange beak tinted green. The seagull screamed as if it knew mental anguish, its sharp sound threw her back to reality. Her face relaxed again, she blinked silently rising from the daydream. Would it ever know it was a bird at all? An animal without a name, not knowing anything about anything. And nobody expected it to either, oh what peace it’d be to exist without a mind. But alas, human it fucking is. Human till long awaited death.

She heard a car forcefully park in the driveway, for a car to be door opened, and footsteps running. Marion stopped at the shore, looked around frantically, and found Runa lying numb on the bench. She breathed a sigh of relief, and bent down beside her face. Runa looked up at her, Marion’s compassion was enough for tears to reemerge. She sobbed in silent gasps, Marion lifted her hand and stroked her cheek. Runa flinched, and looked away.
“Oh Runa. What have they done to you now?” She asked softly, her voice broke with sadness. She leaned down and hugged her, Runa lifted her arms, groaned in pain from her shoulder, and hugged her back. Of course she’d forget how insecure her attachment to them were, how little it took for her to think they regretted having her. But she was reminded in this moment, of the first time she cried in their arms. That exhausted relief swayed her mind into calmness. For now she knew, it’d keep her going for another day.

*

When lunchtime arrived Sofie felt her stomach tightening, while her body and head felt heavy like sinking stone. But her appetite was lacking as always. She lifted her launchbox and bottle up from her backpack, hanging behind her backrest. Slowly she opened it, and stared at a couple of slices of bread with ham on them, a few grapes and a small yogurt. She sighed, had hoped looking at it would help, but it didn’t. Artur gazed over at her while he ate an apple.
“What, you’re not hungry?” He asked timidly. She closed the box and shoved it far enough from herself to make room, and laid her arms and head down against her desk, gazed to the side away from him.
“No, not really.” She replied monotonously.
“We got apples today, I can get you one?” He asked again, she lifted her head a bit underneath her hood, and met his eyes for a moment. That apple looked awfully red and refreshing.
“I’ll get it myself, but thanks.” She responded, stood up still with a heavy head. She walked past teens who never spoke to her, some dressed like those girls on the second floor, others in fitness clothes. Boys with loose grungy clothing, or sportswear joked around her as well, without looking. She walked up to an oblong plastic basked in forest green, placed on some random empathy desk. It had green and yellow apples in it. Artur must have taken the only red one left. She sighed and looked around the floor. Some were thrown around in the classroom already, not that she’d bother even if any were red. Boys laughed while playing as children, their minds were miles away from hers, so unaware, not knowing just how precious their joys and hopes were. She used to have it too, deep inside herself. But that was months ago, before she was broken.

She bent over the basket and picked up a yellow one. Uncontrollably she envisioned an apple tree growing from a seed in the soil, its rings telling the seasons and hardships it grew around. The apple appeared on the branch small and green, sweetened as it grew yellow in the sun. She had countless memories of holding one, pressing it against her nose and smelling it. A mellow sweet scent, smooth to the touch. It could have fallen from the branch, been eaten by worms and rotted into the earth again. The red of its skin consumed by glossy wiggling little creatures in mellow pink. Quickly holes appeared in the form, its pale yellow innards rotting to brown and falling apart. All soil had at some point or another been eaten and deficated by worms, other insects and bacteria. But this apple in her hand had avoided such a fate, by being plucked by a hairless self-aware primate. A hand gripped it off its brown thin branch, ripping it from the stem in a sharp click. Pulled between five digits away from green leaves and its brethren. It had been shipped from farms even hailing from other countries. Had been stacked together in wooden crates and metal boxes, shaking by each bump in the road in complete darkness. The CO2 emissions from the journey of this apple alone was unknown. Gray smoke rose from a big white truck up into the atmosphere, poisoning the air. Humanity tainted the purity of nature in her hand. It had been carried in wooden boxes into this school, paid by the municipality. From funds, invisible numbers, bought and sold through the extraction of oil from the earth. Beneath the sea huge metal machines of unbelievable scale had pulled up black oil. While waves big as buildings crashed against it, a metal city huddled together, stood firmly with four thick black round legs, going down into the deep blue ocean. Between them like a sharp slim tail the pump entered the water and moved all the way down, penetrated the darkness like a syringe. Between rocks and stone time went backwards, in differing layers the syringe found a pocket of black liquid. She saw animals dying and pressing together, stacking over each other, blackening amidst fallen trees. Some, she imagined could be possible, might have been apple trees. The eons of time concentrated in her hand, while there she felt nothing, finally the constant fear went away.

A boy walked up next to her, she barely noticed. It continued brightly in her mind’s eye. As the animals flattened and green trees huddled around them like veins, they all blackened together. Locked in time for primates to rise from their extinction, and consume it through the very machines that pulled them up. The syringe sucked it out by the force of a vacuum, she assumed. She paused in the image, by her will she threw herself back to everything living. In deep woods filled with green bushes and trees, insects and squeals rustling between them in the distance. She stood beneath a tree, holding a nearly glossy bright red apple with her slim pale hand. Somehow the ocean waved in the background. A dark broad hand moved over the apple and held the topside, she looked up and observed that girl up close. Her amber eyes looked at her, she smiled so beautifully with calmness in her gaze. Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks, her daydream demanding more of her mind than intended.

A boy stood beside her but she didn’t mind. He was tall and lanky with broad shoulders, and dark blue eyes. She knew his name was Andre, she had observed him as a somewhat cruel prankster. She fell out of the daydream, her default state returned, namely worry and fear. When she straightened her back, her spine quivered coldly again. He bent forwards and looked her straight in the face. Then someone in front of her yelled:
“Catch!” And threw something at her. She was quick and caught it, by the sound and feel she knew instantly it too was an apple. She dropped her own into the basket again. Her hood had moved off her in the movement, and her bangs had fallen to the sides of her face. He laughed.
“Damn you’re quick aren’t you?” He asked rather earnestly. Then he bent forwards even more to meet her eyes.
“And wow, you are so hot, holy shit.” He added gleefully, then he lifted his gaze and yelled to a boy in front of her. A dark haired one named Tommy, he who threw the apple.
“Hey, look how fucking hot she is, like what?!” He yelled enthusiastically. She stepped back, but he grabbed her face with his big rough hands, showed her face off to Tommy against her will. His hands pressed hard against her bare skin, the sensation tore into her flesh like lightning. For just a moment she looked at him, he had dark brown eyes and a slim spotty face. He grinned at her in a smirk that made proper fear fall over her. She had seen how both of them treated the popular girls in class, her chest tightened around her spine. She frowned, hard terror shot up it. While quietly panicking she resisted, and moved out of his grip with great effort. Her spine and stomach shivered like a writhing snake desperate for an exit. Began to hyperventilate, but tried to hold it in. Artur stood up behind her, and shouted at them.
“Hey, what the hell!?” She pulled her hood over her head again and stepped back. Panic made her eyes open wide, she turned around and ran out of the classroom. 

The details of the hallway sharpened as the panic set in. Her breaths grew harder and quicker, while her hands shook in front of her. The walls closed in on her, but in this hallway she was alone. She turned and opened the door going into the bathroom, locked it from the inside. Pressed her palms on the sink and bent over it. Any time those boys gave her any kind of attention, or those popular girls stared her down, and whispered in her direction as if they’re plotting something; this happened. It had worsened these past few weeks. Their attention seemed spiteful somehow, while the boys’ gazes seemed wider and more curious. She found it hard to understand every expression, and had no idea why it was changing.

She breathed harder, a hum of prickling terror rose inside her chest, making her mind unclear. She moved her hands off the sink, pressed them against her stomach. The details around her blurred, tears gathered in her eyes. She fell down on her knees, pressed her elbows against the floor beneath the sink. Her entire body began to shake, the terror was her husk, and inside she emptied. Slowly the walls shrunk, numerous looks with ill intent gathered around her, pulled at her clothes to take them off. By the touch against her skin her mind shrieked. Her face tightened in an expression so hard her facial muscles hurt. She barred her eyes open on the floor. It was as if her brain exploded in sheer animalistic terror. She opened her mouth and gaped, the sobs she had silenced up until now fell out of her. The fear shook through her spine and limbs like lightning, and poked out through her eyes. A sharp pain pressed out her chest. She stayed in that state while trembling just a bit too long. But then finally it started to quiet down.

She turned and laid herself on the side, and held around her legs. Her limbs ached, and her brain mushed into numbness. It felt like the skin on her face was slowly falling off. She closed her eyes, and panted exhaustively with hard breaths. Then she let go of her knees and stretched her legs out. They hit the wall beside the door, she stared up at the ceiling, felt tears trickling down her temples. For a while she laid there, her mind slowly began to get some substance again. The memories of her old school, the countless smaller instances that led to that terrible day. The fog of those memories lifted. That feeling that had lived in her chest, which she was deathly afraid of, stirred in a wound deep inside her. Amidst her spine shivering against the coiling snake inside her stomach, grief struck her sharply in the chest. It will all repeat itself now. She pressed her palms against her face, writhed slowly in sorrow as if in physical agony. Oh my god, it’s all going to happen again. Though after a while she even detached from that, numbing down to feel nothing yet again.

She had gotten up and grabbed some paper from a dispenser on the wall, dried around her blue glossy eyes in front of the mirror. She walked out the bathroom door slowly after throwing it away. With the hood over her head, and her bangs in her face she had walked into the classroom with heavy steps.
“Sofie? Are you okay?” Artur asked carefully. She put her lunchbox and bottle into her backpack again, put it on and walked out without even looking at him. She had nothing left in her, couldn’t even pretend for just another second.

She felt so weak for leaving, for being such a coward. Her old life had made her into a hyper-sensitive nervous wreck. Had she been born in the wild, amongst forests living by the mercy of nature itself, she would have died off the moment such a panic attack had started. Had the rules of society not existed she’d probably be killed that day anyway. What a pathetic excuse of a homo sapien she was. She frowned while she ran down the stairs. Anger rose from the numbness. They had ruined her, and for what? Belonging and jealousy? Dominance and desire? They were only guesses, she would never truly know why.

She walked into the small library on the second floor, nobody was there. So she sat down between shelves and put her backpack down in front of her. The room smelled of paper and dust, though cozy and normally at least a little bit comforting, today she didn’t even bother looking around. She found her black and white Sony Ericson cellphone, pressed on the button in the middle, surrounded by round buttons with arrows on them. The screen lit up in green. Her background was a pattern of flowers in pixels, which she had bought from the backside of a Topp magazine last year. She went into the contacts and found her step-dad’s number, hovered her finger over the button, while pressing her lips together. She was a coward indeed. A weakling destined to die and phase out of this world amongst apple trees and soil. 

Time passed in thunder and clouds, days flickering of grass and plants growing in seconds. Fragments of her skeleton should have been discovered in deep caves, or from under the earth thousands of years later. None of her despair would ever show on her bones and skull. Though in pieces someone glued it back together, she’d be empty and maybe even fascinating. Where none of her horrible beauty would ever be a factor when analyzing how old she was, the food she ate through her teeth, every break of bone healed on her body if it had ever occurred. She’d just be a thing, forever dead, dusted off with little tools by a stranger. How she longed for the peace in the void, no fear or pain would ever be felt again. Happiness had already left her, all except for one. She imagined that girl again, grabbing the apple in her hand. Staring up at her with such fiery tenderness. Sofie tore herself away from her. It wasn’t real, none of it was. Not the winds above, or veins in plants, not the oil extracted or the humans picking apples. No skeleton was found in the soil, no apple in her hand. Though it happened in the real world, in herself it was all a daydream. A blanket for her suffering, that girl was no different.

She sighed hard, relaxed her slim pale hands around that little cellphone. She was alive, yes. Only a scared pathetic animal remained, caving in the pressure of modern life generations of humans could only dream of having. The riches of Norway, the systems of every single man made structure, down to the pipes moving excrement to facilities was a waste on her. She saw it moving around her like a mechanism, with wires for electricity and pipes harboring fluids always on the move. Countless systems in place, bureaucracy and laws, the added layers of a humane society. She fell outside it, though by now she had accepted it. Whatever she would have become before, wasn’t there anymore. She’d never be anything but this, a suffering frightened creature with an empty shell inside.

She lowered her face and pressed the phone against her forehead. Tears gathered in her eyes again, but she didn’t sob. It’s my fault. I’m doing something, I must be doing something, here too? No matter what, her skin was beneath her clothes. No matter what, her face was beneath her hair and hood. Oh god. Is this going to be my life? 

She had sort of expected things would change when she switched schools. Maybe she had been so unlucky the first time around, that it would even out on the second try? Though hope had left her, the odds had already befallen her. How likely is it that it’ll happen twice? Now she began to truly believe the odds mattered little, everything was random, down to the sperm and egg that made her. She sniffled, and closed her eyes. This was her life, hiding in layers, with a broken mind. Her face tightened again, sobs excited her mouth in quick quiet breaths. Always afraid, hiding, silent, starving but frightened. Tears pressed against her slim hands, and now it’s starting all over again. Boys groping her, girls hating her. But this time she’d be having panic attacks as well. What if she has one in front of them? In the midst of her class gathering around her, she’d fall apart in screams of terror. Shaking and gripping against herself completely detached from reality. She shut her eyes hard, the thought of it alone sent a hard cold shiver up her spine. Her hands shook against her face. It’s going to get so much worse, a pain shot through her chest. The future likely to be inflicted on her passed before her mind’s eye so fast. Crying and screaming, firm gripping, words that made her stomach turn. Would the worst day of her life be repeated too? How would she survive it another time, now that she was doing so much worse? She felt a genuine fear brew in her entire body, a logical analytical one. This time it’s going to kill her. Her parents would finally find out just how damaged she is, her mother would scream and cry in white hallways again, it’d break them too.

She used to work so hard on her grades, they were sixes and some fives all across the board. But now she barely clung to mostly fours on all her tests, she didn’t know what she’ll get at gymnastics. Being in sportswear and moving her body around these people terrified her so much, she’d always have a panic attack the morning of, even before she went out of the house. She often ‘forgot’ or was ‘on her period’ on Mondays like this. Why did they even try? Though she had special permission to shower alone, it was still so horrifying. 

Her future was important, her parents always used to say. So many girls around the world will never go to school, and you’re wasting it because of what? She imagined her mother speaking with an angry shamestriken tone; Because you’re too weak and damaged to handle anything now? Though she had never said such a thing, it fitted her well. Such a shame it was that she herself was just like her, sullen and tense, gloomy and saving face even around her own family.

It’d all fall apart eventually, she was sure. Maybe they’d send her away again? To a place with bland pre-made food, meds that numbed her, and stiff smiles on careless faces, giving her sheets of paper asking her from one to ten, how much she wanted to die. She’d do anything to avoid that agony another time. You’d do anything? For a few moments the notion of dying shone brightly, zapping her mind with terror and relief, though it died down quickly. 

Her tears dried on her cheek. Finally she was numbing down again, it felt comfortable and heavy. Her bones ached while freezing as if in cold water. The books surrounding her felt comforting, on wooden shelves they were pressed together tightly, the smell of paper reminded her of her only true escapism. She felt herself smiling just a little bit, looking around at the white ceiling. Nobody would find her here, at least not for a while. She let herself relax, her shoulders sank and she sat down properly on the floor. She made a plan on how to leave without being noticed. She comforted herself with the knowledge, that the windows from her classroom were on the other side of the building, and on the third floor to boot. But many ninth and eighth graders would see her through their classroom windows at the front. She feared she’d get another panic attack just by the thought of being seen. She hoped not with every fiber of her being. Then she remembered the side entrance, and felt a smidge of pride. So the animal inside guided her to home yet again, it always did.

-

After she got dressed by her locker, she walked through the long hallway on the first floor, and exited the side door instead. Outside there was a patch of roof above a stone staircase, going from left to right, with a wooden bench pressed against an iron railing on top. She sat down on it and waited for the bus, her fingers jittered as she shook her knee in the terrible silence. Tired and somewhat numbed, time flew quickly. 

The bus came, she rushed out to the bus stop by the road, going up past the school. It shook and hummed in a low tone like a living machine, and opened its doors for her. She pressed her bus card from her jacket pocket against the lazer beside the driver’s register. Entered it exhaustively, looking around herself inside the quiet empty vehicle. She smiled and sighed with relief. Walked all the way to the back for once, and sat down on the side against the window. She had fond memories of feeling the ticking in her stomach, when it drove up and down from all the way back here. She put on her hood, placed her backpack in the middle and laid down over two seats. There were no seatbelts in any of the busses for some odd reason, it drove off slowly and went up the hill. She looked up at the ceiling as the world shook and turned around her. And she closed her eyes, god I’m weak, she eyes started swelling with tears. I’m so weak now that I’m broken.

-

She kept it together all the way home, laid down in her bed. And closed her eyes in the soft light from her poorly made blinds, and cried herself gently to sleep. The dream was empty and hollow just like her, and not that being evolving in pain, to her surprise. She awoke with a heavy head. The numbness had returned, hunger twisted in her stomach. She heard her step-father yell from the livingroom that dinner was ready. Slowly she sighed and sat up with an aching body. Her head beat painfully as well. That’s what she gets for barely eating or drinking anything. 

She slowly sat down on against the black fancy dinner table. A rather bland noodlewok made her stomach turn, but the smell made her hunger rise too. The plates, glasses and cutlery were shiny and had a hint of fine details painted on them. Flowers here and there in small shapes. On the right side of the table she and Olai sat. She leaned on her arm, and yawned. On the other side Lillian, her mother sat. She had big ice blue eyes. Light skin, dark brown hair. Though some features echoed in herself, most she knew came from her birthfather. Her mother’s face was soft, except her cheekbones which were sharp. Her mouth was thin, though their smiles were quite similar. Lillian was home on schedule, not a given. Beside her Amund sat, the source of pretty much all of Olai’s features. Dark blonde hair, though Olai’s was lighter. And brown kind eyes with sharp features and slim lips. He was a lean man with broad shoulders.

They all sat quietly after helping themselves to what she foresaw would be a bland meal. She picked in her food, and looked up at them. They sat quietly with somewhat pleased faces. Lillian looked over at Olai and said with a faint smile:
“How’s your day been, Sweetie?” In a low gentle voice, just like her own. He grinned and began to describe today’s swimming lesson. Sofie frowned and looked to the side, picked up some noodles and veggies on her fork and ate it slowly. It was indeed bland, she frowned but kept silent,

For a while Olai talked and talked, with his usual childlike enthusiasm. Slowly it started becoming annoying, but she didn’t say anything. When he finally finished Lillian turned her gaze towards her.
“And what about you Sweetie? I got a text from school that you left early today. Are you feeling okay?” She asked with exaggerated concern.
“My head was just killing me, is all. I’m fine. But I might have to stay home tomorrow, I feel something brewing.” She replied without looking her mother in the eyes.
“Again? You’re sick every week.” Said Lillian, Sofie nodded while looking to the side. She felt Amund staring at her, she looked up at him. His brown eyes narrowed for just a moment.
“You’re sure everything is okay at school?” He asked gently. She forced a smile for just a moment, then she sighed and nodded.
“Yes it’s fine, everything is fine. Nothing has happened. I just get these headaches, something must be wrong with the vents or something.” She replied quickly, he lifted his hands and smiled:
“Alright alright.” He said, seemed to want to play it off as something humorous. It made her somewhat angry, he gave in so easily. Or used it to entertain her little brother, and it worked. Olai giggled, though she didn’t really laugh anymore he sounded like her, she looked over at him. He didn’t know anything, his ignorance was a blessing. His happiness was so endearing, it helped her smile just a bit. Amund seemed to notice, and grinned widely at her as if to encourage her. Sofie sighed and looked down, her smile faded again. Then the conversation ended, and it became quiet once more. The sounds of eating took its place. 

Though movements of cutlery were sharp and displeasing, she embraced the silence, and started to eat properly. The hunger began to take over, even when she struggled to listen to it. Eventually they talked around her again, about their days, their jobs, their perfect lives. She nodded sometimes and pretended to listen. Before she left she drank her entire glass of water in one go. She thanked Amund for making the meal, and excused herself. 

She put the plate and cutlery in the sink, turned the tap and rinsed it off in steaming water. Quickly she walked past them, into the corridor and further into her room. She laid down on her bed and sighed. They had begun to avoid her, even when they cared they accepted her clearly dishonest answers. Maybe they had begun to notice how weird she really was, how off-putting she had become? And that they just didn’t like her anymore? Sure they loved her, but did they like her? She turned around and stared at her off-white silky sheets. Or maybe underneath her hollow beauty she was just empty? Turned inside out in the agony, but never recovering? Was it a sad sight to behold? She assumed so.

Tears pressed behind her eyes, she looked up at the ceiling. Did she even have a personality anymore? If that girl ever noticed her, she’d think she was pretty, maybe. But if she got to know her, what really was left in there? She wouldn’t like her boring emptiness, her lack of interest, her quiet disposition. The only thing she could think of apart from singing that made her unique: Was the worst day of her life, and everything that has followed because of it. Tears ran down from her eyes into her ears. So that’s who she is now, afraid and broken? What’s to like about that? No wonder her parents didn’t want to know the new her, maybe they already saw only fear was left inside their once happy girl? And they just couldn’t face it, face her. A pretty face indeed, with only darkness inside. It dawned on her, from deep within. She had become fright made flesh. Her chest ached, that person she used to be was truly lost, whatever she could’ve become forever whisked away by depravity. Though her mind clung to whatever it could, showing her the beautiful natural world in detail as if it’d help, or that strong beautiful girl so she’d live another day. It was all deception, a false reality. Her insides, her burning flesh would still hurt. No matter how old she got.

*

Runa laid in her room, in the darkness. She had been dried off more thoroughly by Marion, who had even held her hand up the stairs. Runa had the balance to manage on her own, but Marion had insisted. For hours now, she had faded in this darkness. Under the warm covers she had fallen asleep, and awoke calm but in pain. Her strength had not returned, both in mind and body. Her eye and nose beat with pain. Her shoulder and belly had a low lingering ache. She was very familiar with it.

The door was ajar, and let in a sliver of light into the darkness. In the early afternoon Harrald had returned from his job, and she had heard them talk. Marion had yelled, Harrald had stayed calm. It wasn’t a fight, their voices were somber. Harrald walked carefully up the stairs eventually, and opened the door enough to go through. It cracked as she saw the light making a shadow on the wall, of herself laying in bed.

“Hi there Trooper.” He said carefully. She grinned gently while still turned away. He always called her that when she had a tough time. He sat down on the bed next to her, and lifted his broad hand. While he stroked her short curls, she turned around and faced him. Her tears had dried, but when she saw his expression the pressure emerged again.
“I don’t wanna live like this.” She whispered. He nodded to her and sighed.
“Something will change for the better eventually, it always does.” He said in a hopeful tone, clearly fabricated. He tried his best, but it wasn’t enough.
“When? How long am I supposed to suffer?” She sobbed against his hand. He frowned, leaned down and hugged her with his entire upper body.
“I know Runa-tuna. I know. I wish I could help you more, but we’re here for you.” He said against her ear, her sobs lessened. She lifted her arm up from the covers and hugged him back, while sniffling against his cheek. He didn’t know the only change she’d ever get was death, it was better that way.
“I hate my life, and everyone hates me.” She added lastly. Harrald moved back and faced in the dark, only lit up from behind in a narrow line. The slit made his thinning hair glow pale. She could just barely make out his broad angular head, his expression as he tried to smile, though sorrow reigned
“We don’t hate you, we’re very happy you’re in our lives. And we love you so much.”  He said softly, then he turned on the lamp on the nightstand. He looked at her with green surprised eyes, and gasped. She felt the pain around her eye, now she saw it was almost swollen shut. He stroked her cheek close to it ever so carefully, though it still made her flinch.
“That looks awful, do you want something cold to put on it?” He asked in a sigh, she nodded. He dragged off the covers, luckily she wore pajama pants and a long black T-shirt underneath it. He pulled her up by her arms. she groaned gently with pain when she sat up. Harrald sighed and frowned, said:
“We made pizza for dinner, and you need to eat.” He said firmly, she grinned.
“Oh? What kind of toppings?” He smiled genuinely back at her.
“All your favorites, by Marion’s decree.” He replied. She got up from the bed, felt pain in her shoulder and stomach, and groaned harder. Then she stood up, and followed Harrald out of her room. Sometimes she wondered if they ever managed to hurt her internally. But she knew the answer, from far beyond the veil of her childhood she could vaguely remember the difference.

She sat down by the table in the kitchen, Marion was just about done cutting up the homemade pizza, and grabbed her plate while some of her straight pale hair hung over her face, down to her jaw. She looked at her with sullen round ocean eyes, frowned with her long thin wrinkly face, and lifted her hand. Stroked her hair with long soft fingers.
“Oof Runa, that looks painful.” She commented quickly, Runa nodded, and pushed her lips together. The kitchen clad in mostly naked wood was as always warm. Deep blues lit the shore and oak tree up from the window. Harrald stopped beside her and gave her a bag of frozen berries from the freezer.
“Here you go Trooper.” He said. She grabbed it, pushed it against her eye. The cold was abrupt and painful, but slowly her bare skin heated it up enough to feel comfortable. The pain lessened, and made her sigh with relief. A white plate with a thick yellow rim was put down in front of her, the slice of pizza cut into a square looked thick with filling and cheese, it damped in front of her nose, the savory aroma was enough to make her grin. Harrald had grabbed himself one and sat down on his seat. Marion did so as well, and gave her a comforting smile. They both had somber looks, Runa picked up the slice with her bare hand. It was warm, but she managed. While she still pushed the bag of berries against her eye, she took a large bite and burned her tongue. The pain was sharp and hot for just a few seconds.
“Oww.” She complained, breathed in hard while she chewed with her mouth open to cool it down. Harrald cracked a wider smile, and stroked her shoulder. Luckily not the one aching along with her pulse.
“Be careful.” He said amused. She put the slice down, drank some cold water from a glass beside her. It cooled her mouth down, and helped her relax. Then she nodded, grabbed a fork and knife set out for her, and started using them. Despite her burning herself, she found the pizza to be so delicious. The crust and cheese crunched between her teeth as she chewed, onion, meatballs combined with garlic, and the mild taste of mushrooms burst in her mouth, filled it with savory tastes. The tomato sauce blended with it, and remained on her tongue when she swallowed. It lifted her mood, her heavy body became lighter. After the first slice had been consumed, she drank more cold refreshing water. As she put the glass down in a quiet dunk she asked rather casually:
“Can I stay home from school tomorrow?” Marion looked at Harrald for just a second, before they both gazed back at her and nodded in unison. She smiled back, realized her neck had been tight when it finally relaxed. She looked down and nodded, started cutting another piece against the plate. For one day at least; she’d be safe. Her mind mellowed amidst the savory warmth, her life was here, not up there. The only reason she bothered waiting, was for moments like this. 

-

Runa laid in her bed, her blinds were as always down but the window was open behind it. She listened to the waves rushing gently into shore. After huffing and turning beneath the covers, she moved her arm over her head. Lifted her right knee up and pressed it against her stomach, then she sighed and stretched out, turned again. Her stomach knotted tightly with fear, her spine chilled in her wake. Sometimes she wished she was that kid on their doorstep again. Being stroked endlessly on her back until she fell asleep by Marion, once she finally let her. She had learned to soothe herself to sleep by now, knew she’d manage to eventually. That wasn’t the problem. What awaited her when finally dreaming was what worried her. After every time she got beat up it’d all come back, she teared up as she turned again and stretched her arms and legs out. The ceiling stared back at her like some darkness creeping closer, soon to cover all of her. She’d lose control then, letting go was harder when she knew it’d come. She had turned and sighed, huffed and groaned, after hours had passed, she finally; exhaustively fell asleep.

She was a small being, curled together in hunger and cold. Eventually she stood up, her hands were small. Finally someone was home. Long legs walked past her as a dark room lit up only by the TV. She lifted her hands to the people, but they ignored her. Some sat down on the couch, she walked over to them, hit their knees with her palms so they’d notice her. But they didn’t respond, they sat completely still as if asleep. Someone picked her up, she didn’t know who. She saw her mother grinning at her from further away, and laughed as she started crying. She was let go into a dark closet, and hit the floor in a thud. She cried more, hoping someone would get her out of there. 

“If you don’t shut up I’ll give you something to cry about!” Her mother yelled, and with that she fell out of herself, and stopped crying. She closed her eyes, dipping in and out of sleep, it was hard to when so hungry, when so scared. She curled up in the small space and finally fell asleep.

She awoke in a gasp by the sound of a loud dunk followed by glass breaking, in the darkness she could feel the mattress’ detailing, she laid on it with no sheet. Over her was a duvet somehow moist, she laid completely still while she listened to loud noises and yelling, muffled from behind the wall. She turned around, observed two steps making shadows underneath the door, a sliver of light ever changing in color was all she could see. She got up soundlessly in one smooth movement, bent down on the floor and rolled effortlessly under it. She knew she had done it many times before, and started hyperventilating. She moved her arms around her chest, hugged herself as hard as she could to make it stop. Her breath calmed, a man shouted outside the door, yelling for her mother. She felt the dread fill her properly, a strong hard chill shot up her spine. Her tummy spun and knotted with ever growing fear. The door opened, proper light shone into the room. The steps were quiet, making the floor creak. She put her hand in front of her face and held her breath, with eyes wide and filled with quiet tears she dreaded what was about to happen. Her mother entered the room, though she didn’t speak she could hear it was her by the sounds of her footsteps. She could also already hear that she was angry, beneath the bed she closed her eyes, her tears fell against the dusty cold floor.

And then it happened, her bare feet were pulled backwards from beneath the bed. As terror pure and terrible filled her, she climbered desperately against anything, and gripped at one of the legs of the bed. Her mother stepped on her little dark hand, she screamed and let go. Seemingly effortlessly she was llifted up by her legs, upside down her spine shot with bright fear, the terror burrowed out through her eyes in pure panic. She screamed with her eyes wide open, saw her mother and a man. Pain entered her memories, blended and increased by every second that passed, her world turned red, she screamed with terror. A pressure gathered around her throat.

And she awoke, sat up in her bed and held over her throat. She heaved in cold sweat, warm tears ran down her face. Her inner chest ached in sorrow and hurt, sobs fell out of her in breaths, as she bent over her legs still beneath the covers, and sobbed louder. There it was again, a dream she could remember. In her sobs breathlessness emerged, just like under the bed. Her body somehow emptied in her fright, while her fingers prickled and her chest hurt she faded in the darkness. She put her arms around herself, like in the dream. They went under her armpits and as far back as she could reach, before squeezing around her ribs as hard as she could. Slowly her mind cleared as her breaths deepend, she found herself again in the darkness and relaxed. Genty she put her head in her hands, her sobs calmed, that terrible feeling remained in her chest and stomach. She hated those stupid fucking dreams, they were always a little different at first, but they always ended the same way. Sometimes she’d have it repeatedly no matter how many times she awoke, other nights she only dreamt it once before going back to sleep like normal again. She closed her eyes and laid down, stared up at the ceiling. Hoping the latter would happen tonight.

When she first came here she never remembered her dreams, how she missed that. But half a year in they started coming every night, sweet Marion would stroke her back and lie with her until she fell asleep. She was lucky it only happened the days she was beat up now. She had learned to soothe herself so well, had gotten braver when falling asleep again. Her heart still beat fast in her chest, her stomach still knotted in worry. But she could let go now, and drifted away. At least no matter what kind of night she had, she’d sleep in tomorrow. So she slowly closed her eyes, sighed and made herself fade again. Here it was safe, she reminded herself. Here, she was loved.

Chapter Text

Sofie laid awake in her bed, and stared up at the ceiling with heavy eyes. Everyone else was out there in the world, living their lives, she was completely alone in this big cold house. The stillness was so apparent, silence made it hollow outside her as well. She had been awake for hours. Her body was so heavy, it hurt slightly in her limbs. Nothing resided inside of her. Her thoughts were slow and faded, all the feelings she’d usually feel in her stomach or spine were gone. She blinked in the silence, looked to the side towards the wall. The broken pieces inside her floated in the abyss, teased death ever so slightly. She wondered what being nothing felt like, was it like this? She sighed slowly and hard, moved her head towards the ceiling again. No. I’m still in here. Though faded and numbed but still a semblemse of awareness lingered. She looked back into her childhood, tried to make herself feel joy. Laughter and running and games, summers and sleepovers and her mother reading stories to her. Her emotions remained dulled, they were almost gone. She narrowed into something painful instead. Apart from the obvious, which she refused to go near; there was something else that spiked her heart every time. It seemed only bad memories made her feel anything anymore. Before she started she observed the stillness of her mind. She could stay like this, why didn’t she want to?

Slap, her mother’s hand, her angry face. The heat on her right cheek, the shock. And then, the silence. The painfully haunting ever growing silence. She played it again, and saw the scenario move in her head. By each time a piece in the abyss floated closer to her. She barred her eyes open in the gentle darkness. There, she felt the sorrow grow, there it was.

Her eyes filled with tears, and her face tightened. The rest of the pieces gathered and became reminiscent of something whole, though she knew she’d never be whole again. She was broken forever, but even still she could pretend, just so her feelings would return a little bit. The spike moved through her heart and stirred inside it, her spine was calm, and her stomach quiet. Only her chest spread with sadness. Her face tightened in the mellow darkness, she began to sob in whispers. Moving her hands against her chest, she turned to the side. Her sobs grew louder, she writhed slowly as if she was in real agony. Instantly she regretted seeking this out, the dullness had been easier. It was like having a thick blanket over her awareness, it had shielded her from everything. It was easy to fall into it, and remain there. Why did she refuse? Why did she always fight her way out of the pit, and force herself to feel? Her sobs calmed, images flickered in her mind. The eyes of fire, the dark glowing skin. That girl, smiling in the sunlight. The only crumb of happiness she had left, and she couldn’t feel it if she felt nothing at all. 

She began to giggle to herself while she sniffled, and wiped her tears with her fingertips. How such a surface level crush could be the thing she lived for, was so pathetic. But she didn’t care. She tried to imagine it, if she had gone out to those stairs outside her new school just a minute later. What would she have to hold onto now, if she never saw her? Her beautiful body, her vivid eyes. What was it about her eyes she was so hung up on? Sofie played it in her mind with great precision. The sun had hit the white wall she herself sat against, reflecting the sunlight. It had shone onto that girl’s irises turning them into burning amber, Sofie would never forget that sweet sorrowful expression, nor the sincereness of her apology. Something fell into place within her, and she gasped still laying in her bed. It was because she had observed her reaction. That girl had the compassion to feel bad about it. Even had the humility to apologize, she couldn’t even commit to the excuse she was conjuring. Of her day being bad, instead she blamed herself so easily. She had looked her in the eyes, and made her feel like her feelings mattered, even when she was a stranger. Her presence had felt safe. Just when her pain finally had burst open, she was given a ray of happiness and hope. Not all people were bad after all, in her misery she had taken her in, basking in her warmth. Those eyes burned through her own pupils straight onto her brain, making her dream about her repeatedly.

She tried to look back in her teens and childhood, how many apologies had she gotten? She focused hard, apart from superficial sorries when hurting her by accident, she found nothing. Even after her mother slapped her across the face, she never got an apology. Her mother had even pretended it didn’t happen. God, how sad is that? But that one girl, a stranger to her, gave it to her with such ease and grace. Maybe she played it up in her head? Yes maybe she was so vulnerable in her state of mind at that exact time, that it made a larger impact? She was just so lonely and desperate, that any small kindness made her latch onto it like a starving child. Maybe she was just a lonely, broken and hormonal teenager? Did it even matter why she clung to her? An ounce of joy was better than none at all. And so she refused to dull the pain, if it meant losing her as well.

She got up from the bed, grabbed her long white morning robe hanging beside it. Found the note sheet for this week’s singing lesson, pulled it out of a small drawer inside her bedside table. In the silence she walked slowly out her room, drifted with a headache and tense shoulders down the stairs into the main entry. She turned into a poorly lit white hallway, at the end was a big bathroom, but to her side she opened another white door and entered a small guestroom. Three skinny bookshelves filled to the brim with medical books, and a small bed with a baby blue knitted blanket over it. The walls were warm in gentle pink, like the meat of a salmon but paler. She looked out a wide window framed with gentle green curtains, outside the backyard was withering into a stasis of slumber. Against it stood a black sleek electric piano, made to look like the real thing. Numerous wonderful memories flickered, of Grandma Mona. Her long wavy gray hair, bright blue eyes and thick lips, pale and wrinkly during Yule, tan and energetic during summer. An ache to see her soared inside her, the only person in her entire family that looked like her. Her biological father’s mother. When she was eleven she asked her about him, that’s when she learned she looked just like him. That he was joyful, funny and kind. She promised to bring pictures next time she visited, but she never did. Never again did she sleep in this room, nor would she herself get to stare at her, until she awoke in the mornings. Mom said she wasn’t welcome anymore, but never gave a reason as to why.

She sat down on a small wooden chair with no backrest, on a fine red pillow with flower patterns on it. In the silence she sighed again, turned it on by pushing on a button hidden behind the front and pressed down random keys. She put the note sheet on a small shelf built into the keyboard, and pressed down the keys in chords.Practiced to get the rhythm right. They were easy to follow, she narrowed her eyes and concentrated on the note sheet, started over from the beginning and began singing:

“Many’s the time I ran with you down”
“The rainy roads of our old town”

Her voice was dark and smooth like her speaking voice, laying in mezzo-soprano. She reached most notes, and her vibrato swayed gently behind every other note. She felt herself tear up already, the ache of her childhood spiked forward from her chest.

“Many the lives we lived in each day”
“And buried all together”

She bowed with her head, and gathered herself in a manufactured pause while still playing. She added movement with her left hand, pressing the keys separated by three instead of in its entirety.

“Don’t laugh at me”
“Don’t look away”

Then she tightened her brows involuntarily, the pressure behind her eyes re-appeared. Though she looked at the text again, pausing between chords while catching up with her mind and hands. The tones raised higher, she breathed in deeply with her diaphragm. 

“You follow me back with the sun in your eyes”
“And on your own”
“Bedshaped and legs of stone”

In her mind she saw that girl looking at her with eyes of fire, grabbing her hand while running with her. Catching up to slow her down, but she couldn’t. Her sight blurred, she had heard this song on the radio, and knew the rest.

“You’ll knock on my door, and up we’ll go”
“In white light, I don’t think so.”
“But what do I know, what do I know, I knooooow”

She paused and bent over the keyboard, her face contorted along with her tightening breaths. Warm tears ran down and dripped on her hands still on the keys. Feeling her chest ache more, she faded inwards as the pain spilled out her mouth in gentle sobs. They’d never be together, she’d never let her know her, not when she was too broken to function. Not when she was like this. The call of the void flickered amidst her cries, existence is pain. She didn’t know how or when, but maybe one day; she’d leave this world by her own hand? Choose a nice day, find a pleasant song, and a quiet place nobody would have to clean up after her.

She could lay her back against green flowing grass, imagined the bright blue sky. A blood red summer dress, bare feet against the grass amidst tweeting birds and rustling leaves. A warm wind would fold over her in a breeze so delightful. In her hand was a kitchen knife, while listening to the first opera piece that ever made her spine tingle. She didn’t know its name, but imagined the sound on headphones wired to a flat round discman. It was blue and white with little buttons on it, spinning the CD inside soundlessly just for her. It laid on the grass against her thigh, she sighed and smiled in the sunlight. Moved the knife up to her neck, her main artery. It’d be quick and mostly painless, she’d faint within minutes. As she was about to do it, she saw something reflect on the blade. A wide brown hand gripped her wrist, she looked up and saw that girl.

Sofie fell over herself onto the keyboard, and sobbed in howls as simple words screamed in her head. I can’t, I just can’t. Not when she’s out there, never knowing her. Emotions pushed as if seeping from a cloud in the shape of a veil. Hard intense pain, shrieking and firm hands holding her down. She twisted her head in agony, the part of her that longed to live pressed against it. No, her mind said to that horrible feeling. She saw her family falling apart, her funeral and grave. That girl walked past it not even seeing hers amidst hundreds of others, never knowing she ever existed. Her brother would cry with his big brown eyes shimmering with tears. So young and innocent she’d take his childhood away from him. He’d know death for the first time, would grow up grieving a memory of her, and she’d never know what he’d be like. Her parents withering with graying hair huddled against her gravestone, always regretting every moment between that terrible day, and her selfish death. Forever wondering what they could’ve done differently to prevent it. You can’t do that to them.

Her tears calmed, she sniffled and wiped her face, got up and laid down on the guest bed. This was the only room that felt like home, with things clad in warmth and softness. That damn song had unmade her numbness yet again, brought some out for her to feel. As if gripping inside her empty shell just for a moment, making her suffer with some awareness. Now it slowly let go and returned to its prolapsed state. The veil closed and a blanket fell over her again. She sighed hard and closed her eyes, this was all she’d get. She’d have to press on then, tired and hurting she’d exist day after day. At the very least Olai had to grow up first, she’d have to distance herself from them or make them hate her so they wouldn’t grieve her. For now that girl could be her escape, at a distance she’d light the way. And maybe that would be enough, it had to.

*

Despite her eye being swollen and hurting, she decided while having the house to herself to blast her most energetic tracks on the CD player in the basement, and work out. She had changed in the bathroom away from the mirror, into tight fitting workout shorts, and a sports bra. Nobody was going to see her ugly bulky body, so she felt no need to cover it with an extra layer of garment. She brought her water bottle and a CD case into the main hallway, quickly opening a door right beside her parents’ bedroom door. The basement was cold and dark, she turned on the light on her way down the steep staircase. The room she walked down into was divided into two. The first, clad in basic pale walls in unpainted wood. The floor was nearly similar in color and feel to it, a white washing machine. Shelves for laundry detergent, and a folded up metal drying rack stood against the wall. She walked past it and into the room further in. The walls were similar, but the floor had white tiles. It could have been a bathroom if there was a need for it, but instead her parents had gathered the little money they had to give her a place to get strong.

She entered the room with two narrow basement windows lighting it up. Still she turned on the light, let down a towel she had placed on her shoulders on the floor. The room was small enough to get stuffy, so first she opened one of the windows for air. Against the wall was a pull up bar, beside it stood a dip station and the only proper exercise machine; A leg extension machine. The CD player stood on the floor, she bent down over it and popped the hood, opened the case and placed a blank silver CD into it. Harrald had helped her burn one with the white bulky family computer, all the energetic tracks from their collection were in there. She hit play and it started, quickly she found the jump ropes placed beside it, untwinned them in a jiffy and started jumping. Her movements were quick and well rehearsed, to the point it had become muscle memory. She did it as her mind faded gently, when she got out of breath she pushed until the next song started playing. Then she had a small break for a minute before she started again. It went on like that for half the album. Exhausted and warmed up, she finally put it down and walked over to the pull up bar. paused before it, noted her damp body stank of sweat. She frowned to herself, was happy to be alone so she could feel ugly in peace. She lifted her arms and made a number in her head, twenty, and started pulling herself up. One, two, three.. By then she began to struggle despite being so strong. It was a lot of weight to lift after all. Despite also being a bit chubby she knew, muscles weighed a lot. She closed her eyes, focused on the anger she had in her. Those fucking boys making her feel so horrible and disgusting. Bulldyke, discusting, nigger, fuck! Though she was used to it by now, it still made her angry. So she harnessed it, and pushed until her arms gave out and her sweaty palms slipped. She let go, though she had only made it to eighteen. While stretching out her arms, she let herself breathe for half a minute. Then she tried again.

She paused after three rounds of almost making it to twenty, the record had run its course and it became painfully quiet. She walked over to the player and pressed play again, drank some water while she was at it. Next time, she decided she was going to get to twenty. So she frowned in fabricated anger, went back to those slurs in her head, and started again. It hurt, and she screamed at one point, her sweat ran off her, but her hands remained firm. She made it to twenty, forced herself so hard she even did the twenty-first pull up. Then finally she let go, and sat down on her knees. She breathed with an iron taste in her mouth, and laid down on the floor. Exhaustively she grinned to herself. Maybe anger was the key? I’ve got plenty of that, she smiled gently to herself. Waited until her breath was completely calm, before she stood up and walked over to the player, and drank some more water. 

The dip station she knew, was bought used. The pad that was going to be above her shins was in worn down leather. But she didn’t mind. So she sat down on it, placed her legs beneath the pad. The weight was previously adjusted, as she was the only one using it. The next track played. Call on me, the music video was her sexual awakening. Women working out in way too revealing workout outfits doing forms so intensely and sensually. Those women were skinny and hairless, beautiful and didn’t even sweat a drop. She acknowledged she was nothing like them, instead she was broad, bulky, ugly, and sweaty. While moving her shins up and down, she tried to empty her mind, lifting them according to the quick energetic beat. Even amongst herself she was self-conscious. It was almost funny, she was so pathetic. Had such little control of her mind, her eye hurt, she frowned and pushed it aside again. Stupid beatings, stupid body, stupid brain. She got angry again, this time at herself, and pushed her legs harder than planned. Her thighs eventually burned by each movement. But it felt like she deserved it, so she pushed on until the record finished once more. Then she let go of the pad with her legs, and rested it on the side of the padded bench attached to it. She bent over it, and breathed hard. Tasted the iron in her mouth again, closed her eyes.

Eventually she stood up, pressed play on the CD player yet again. The entire damn thing lasted for only an hour. She walked over to the dip station. Two handles supported by a U shape, she quickly placed her hands on each of them, and lifted herself up. The point was to keep steady, it looked easy but rather quickly her pectorals and triceps began to hurt so much. She stood steadily, her mind finally emptied. Holding on as long as she could, she began to feel properly tired. When she let go, that was it. She sat down near the player, pressed pause and sighed, drank some more water until the bottle emptied. In the silence she laid down on the floor, and began to stretch her legs. Bending over them and stretching her back. She moved her arms straight in front of her. Still her shoulder still hurt, and her eye beat with pain. She began to feel the after workout high, and grinned as her damp warm skin radiated and beat. She did the few stretch positions she had learned through gym class. It was so much nicer to do it alone than with all those horrible teens around her. At the very least she missed gymnastics by being home today. It was such a relief.

*

Dinner was bland as always, overcooked pasta with a tomato sauce with far too little salt. Sofie leaned her elbow on the table, put her face in her hand and huffed as she picked in her food. Though today had been quiet, she still felt her nervous system being shot with tightening tension. It made her stomach feel nauseous and hungry all at the same time. Olai looked over at her with his innocent brown eyes. He talked about fun and games, and had plans with friends after dinner. She looked to the side, thought back on her own childhood memories. She felt herself tearing up remembering her old friends and their laughter together, their games between the houses. Hiding, running, kicking balls, throwing them. She was so happy, like he is now. She wondered if he’d ever learn how painful it could become, losing them all? She hoped he’d never be bullied or broken, but it was too late for her. They had already crushed her into something she didn’t recognize anymore. Her parents stared at her, Amund lifted his hand and touched hers from across the table. It sent a bolt of terror through her arm. She withdrew the moment it happened, and observed his face relaxing into a sad expression.
“Hey, are you feeling better today?” He asked carefully, she sighed and grabbed her plate, stood up quickly and said in an unintentionally annoyed tone:
“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks for dinner.” They looked at her plate, only half a portion had been eaten. She walked over the big clean wooden floor, from their immaculate dinner table to their smooth and shining white wooden kitchen. Large square tiles matched it, made everything look like a medical lab. She put the plate into the large sink, it fell against the metal a bit too hard and made a sharp noise. She huffed across the room again and entered the open hallway attached, slammed her bedroom door shut. 

She was such a horribly gloomy girl, clinging to crumbs of joy that wasn’t even her own. The well-being of her brother, singing sometimes, and an unreciprocated doomed crush? The price of such little joy weighed on her. She took off her pants and sweater and crawled into bed. Turned off the light on her bedside table, her stomach rumbled as she bent over it. Why bother eating to nourish it? It wasn’t hers anymore. Tears gathered in her eyes quickly in the darkness. She moved her head under the covers and sobbed in steep loud sighs yet again. That need to fade fell in her mind, she reduced into pieces in the void yet again. Pushing against it her mind flickered involuntarily to wake her, she observed with her mind’s eye. The fresh memories of that girl’s faint smile, seen from inside the bus. Just a few moments in her life, a fleeting moment of joy. She pressed herself against the glass, cried out for her. Her body ached to be close to someone, to feel safe with a person. She wanted to know her, be strong and fierce like her, be protected by her. Though it was only an idealized version of whomever she actually was, parasocially lifting her from her despair without ever knowing it. Not that it’d ever change, her chest ached knowing she pushed everyone away. Every touch directly on her skin had become sharp and uncomfortable. They weren’t horrible, weren’t mean either, it was her. She was the broken one. It was hard to imagine being genuinely liked by anyone, not even her family could stand her. At least they had memories of her actually being happy, in her new life she was just a shadow of a being gone forever. Her spine collapsed into her stomach, gathered and spiked inside stabbing her from the inside out. Even if that girl had just for a moment; found her to look nice, she would undoubtedly see that something was off. Her own pathetic crying that late summer’s day was reason enough to stay away. She curled beneath the damp covers and lifted her head up, breathed in fresher air. Would existing always feel this bad? What was the point of holding on to that girl, when it hurt so much? She wiped her eyes with her fingers and sniffled. Longing to know her name, so she could shout it in the air. To manifest her arrival, as if it’d actually change anything. Let her go, something said inside her. Right at the thread tethering her innards to her brainstem. Go on, do it so you can fade and rot. The imprint she made on the world was like a dark cloud spreading around her, spilling dark sticky oil on everyone who even looked at her. It was undoubtedly a tragic sight to behold, being a curse in some way to anyone deceived by her empty beauty. And even if not, never seeing her from behind her baggy clothes and hair; only gloom spilled out her words and tones. Only sadness and atrophy remained within. Still somehow, no matter the weight of her despair, did those eyes of fire remain. Showing her something to hold onto. Just like in her dream she’d speak straight into her mind: Never let me go, come to me.

It wasn’t just her. Warm tears dried on her cheek, she couldn’t help but remember Olai smiling and laughing. Comparing it to the silent frightened look he gave her the first time she pulled away as if he was hurting her. She pressed her hands hard against her face, tightened her brows and mouth, writhed as her chest hollowed straight into the shell and broke her apart. Every time she was dismissive in any way around him, did he remember? Had he, just now at the dinner table? As if humming with fright her memory closed in on him where he sat, staring at her as she walked across the livingroom, away from him. He deserved it least of all, god I’m so terrible and broken.

She heard a soft knock on her bedroom door.
“Yes?” She said exhaustively. Amund answered rather hesitantly:
“Hey, can I come in?” She still wore her tanktop under the covers, quickly she lifted her arm and turned on her bedside light. Her sobs quieted down in an instant, she dried off the last of her tears while sniffling, and cleared her throat.
“Yeah sure.” She replied monotonously and looked away as he entered the room. He had a cup of tea in his hand, and walked carefully over to the nightstand and put it down. Gently and slowly he sat down beside her, and sighed before he looked at her with such terribly sullen eyes. Olai looked so much like him, he too had a kind and soft disposition, Olai got that from him. While she inherited her mother’s somewhat moody personality, she was sure. 

Amund touched her knee above the covers, asked so very carefully:
“I can see you’re upset, is there something you want to talk about?” She frowned her brows in both slight anger and sadness. It took him this long to bother? And what was she supposed to say? The truth? She looked down and huffed.
“Oh I donno, I’m just a moody teenager, I guess.” She replied in a tone low enough to become a whisper.

He lifted his hand, stroked her bangs out of the way. She flinched and moved her head back.
“Come on now, you gotta talk sometime.” He added, she frowned and looked away even further, stared at the wall. Tears pressed behind her eyes, she tightened her brows in her effort to keep them in.
“Please don’t tell me to get a shrink again, I just can’t.” She responded and shut her eyes. He touched her shoulder, she twisted it and made him let go. Still he answered sullenly:
“No, that’s not what I mean. I know your life has changed a lot since..” He sighed hard, continued:
“Isn’t it time you at the very least tell us how you feel, from day to day? We love you, we want to help you. But we can’t if you shut us out.” He said with more desperation.
“Yes ‘cause we always used to talk before. We’re all just one happy family, aren’t we?” She responded in a forcefully ironic tone. He moved his head back and sat up straight.
“Aren’t we?” He asked in a quiet whisper. She felt her chest hurting with regret, firmly she bit her lip and gazed over at him. His short dark blonde hair was so straight it spiked out his head. With a long face, and a jaw and cheekbones broad enough to even it out. His nose and mouth were slim, and his eyes were big and round, brown and warm. Though her words had made them nearly shimmer with tears, they losing that warmth in favor of that ever expanding gloom she inflicted on them all. He looked down and to the side, his face sank as his lips relaxed.
“I know we’re busy a lot, that we’re too tired. Whatever we say or do, I know it’s not enough, that it won’t change what happened. We try to respect it when you don’t wanna talk. I’m sorry if we’re doing something wrong.” Sofie frowned as tears swelled in her eyes yet again.
“No, I didn’t mean that. You’re not doing anything wrong, I am. I’m the broken one.” Tears trickled down her cheeks, she closed her eyes, and her chest sank. He lifted his long pale hand, moved her bangs behind her ear yet again before he touched her cheek. The touch of his hand made her sigh as the sadness faded just a little bit, even when she became so uncomfortable.
“You feel broken?” She scoffed, as if it wasn’t obvious.
“Of course I do.” She hurriedly said, then she paused and saw his sad expression widen. His eyes shimmered properly now, though he stared straight at her this time. He narrowed his brows and frowned with such sadness she had to look away. She sighed and tried to let his words in, and closed her eyes. If they had avoided talking to her to respect her privacy, then she had assumed so wrong about them. Had she actually tried to talk to them, would the burden be lighter? He was right, she had to at least talk a little. For once she felt like sharing something. Her loneliness stirred in her chest, it screamed at her to release something, anything, to relieve the pressure.

“What they did to me, I can’t.. trust anyone, anymore.” She mumbled, he pulled her in with his long arms, and pressed his cheek against hers. She gasped and sighed, caught herself in pulling away. Finally she stopped, and let him linger before being pulled in again. The first few seconds made her tense up in sharp breaths, but slowly she relaxed into his embrace and breathed slowly. The aching loneliness lessened in his warmth.
“Oh Sofie.” He said softly in a sorrowful tone.
“Nothing like that has happened at your school, has it?” She shook her head, it wasn’t a lie. Of course she got hung up in every tone, every look, even every movement. Her scared and damaged primate brain protected itself frantically, by pure hyperawareness, hypersensitivity and avoidance. She understood it logically, but it hurt so much her mind could do nothing but believe it. Sometimes she wondered if they even disliked her at all, or if she imagined them hating her? Her chest hurt more, she sobbed quietly against his shoulder and lowered her head. How broken was she?
“No, nothing. I’m so careful around them, I even cover myself completely, and try avoid pretty much everyone. I just think they stare at me, imagine them being mad, or plotting to do something to me. The boys only need to talk to me a little bit, or be near me, and I freak out. I’m just so brokeeen.” She sobbed properly into his shoulder, her tears fell out as the pain contorted her face. A serpent made of misery coiled around her spine and shell, held it tightly, made her spine shoot with tension. Amund held her tighter, and stroked her back swiftly as she sighed near his ear. For the first time since it had happened, she let someone comfort her. For once, she was held without it feeling intruding. Her chest ached as if the serpent pierced her, just a little bit of her flesh seeped back into her empty shell, making her pain horrid and immense. She groaned and shook against him, held him back with her skinny arms.
“Oh there there now, my poor girl. You’re not broken, just hurt.” He said to comfort her. Though he didn’t know just how lost she was, it was a sweet sentiment. The ache fell slowly after, lowering as the serpent loosened its grip on her.

When her sobs finally quieted down, it went right back out the shell again, and vanished into her living flesh. He moved back and stared at her face with sullen eyes. Gently he wiped her cheeks with his thumb, she looked down at the covers curled between them. This time his hands didn’t spike against her skin, she frowned firmly remembering how she used to enjoy such caresses. To her surprise just a grain of it remained inside, it wasn’t all lost. Though but a shadow compared to what she used to feel, it was at least something.
“It isn’t all bad at school, is it?” He wondered delicatally, still stroking her back. She shook her head while sniffling.
“No, it’s mostly fine, I guess. I just can’t bring myself to reach out to any of them.” She answered more clearly and cleared her throat.
“But you are lonely, aren’t you?” He asked carefully, she looked down and nodded.
“Isn’t there anyone who seems nice enough to get to know?” He wondered further, she knew she was loved by him, by them. So she tightened her brows, god she thought so badly of them. It wasn’t fair to her parents either. In all honesty, though she talked to that boy Artur sometimes, she kept him at a distance. The only one she could ever want to know was her. Sofie’s mind faded again, to that girl stomping up the hill. She looked up, gazed back at him.
“Maybe, but I donno if I dare. I just, I’m not good enough anymore.” She answered, he frowned intensely and pressed hard with his hands over her ears and cheeks. Nodded to her and said rather sternly:
“Yes you are, you are good enough. You’re my wonderful daughter. You’re smart and funny and strong.” She grinned as she felt a faint warmth rise in her spine. It was hard to believe him, but at least he tried. He continued more gently:
“But you seem so miserable, I know that is kinda expected. Oh how I wish I could just pull that girl I know you are, out from inside you.” She stared at him as he spoke, his brows tightened not in anger but determination. She wished he could shake her insides back in place too, press her guts and lungs, heart and mind back into the shell. Fix me! She wanted to bed him, but she knew he couldn’t. So she simply nodded to him, still looking down. He continued:
“That psychologist said only you can help yourself, remember that?” She nodded again, gazed up at him with wide eyes. He sighed quickly and tilted his head:
“So? Do you want things to improve?” He asked further. Imagining that pressure rising from her body, the shell breaking and letting herself in again, it’d be such a relief. To feel everything she knew was missing, to know who she was once more. She looked down and teared up, nodded yet again.
“Well then, do something about it. Don’t let those horrible boys hold power over you. You have to fight it, do it for the person I know you still are.” Yet another pain broke out her chest, he leaned in and hugged her tightly. He was right, she knew it too. Indeed she needed someone, anyone. The sobbing began anew in hard breaths against his shoulder, what was it left of her to like? That girl, she was sure, would peek through her deceiving beauty in no time. See the blandness and fright of her inner self. A girl like that lived unapologetically, she figured. Trampled on the world knowing she owed nothing to it. While she herself fell apart tipping her toes on the edge, barely hanging on. She fell at the seams, just thinking about how she’d judge her. ‘As if I’d ever want to be around someone as cowardly as you.’ She’d so easily say. ‘Who even are you?’ She could ask, and she wouldn’t know what to answer. Or maybe she’d be inexplicably mad at her, saying things so many girls had said before her: ‘You’re not that pretty, you know? I bet you’ve got nothing going on in there, right?’

She closed her eyes and calmed down, it was a quick one. She sniffled, cleared her throat as tears silently trickled down her cheeks. She was so damn sensitive today, some days her body just had to let it out, usually she dealt with it alone in her room. This felt better. Though that strong powerful girl could say such things, but going from her apology, it seemed unlikely. She must be nice then? She felt silly for even daring to wonder, knowing so many teens harbored so little kindness.
“I donno if I can do it. I’m so scared, she seems so nice and..” She looked to the side. Her mind raced with words to describe her; beautiful, intense, strong.
“..interesting. And I’m so..” She continued, stared down and leaned back, could barely look at him. Whatever was left inside, wasn’t much. She knew she had a sullen and tired demeanor, why would anyone want to be around that?
“..empty and gloomy.” He sighed hard and shook his head.
“That’s not you, I know it’s not. You should make a friend, you gotta at the very least try. You gotta learn again, that people aren’t all bad. They can surprise you, in good ways too. ” He said and smiled carefully at her. She looked to the side at her perfect room. It didn’t feel like hers anymore. It was prissy and soft, her mother had picked out most of it. All she had demanded was that it was blue.
“So how do I know even if she is polite, that she’s good? I thought my friends were good, I donno if I..” She teared up, sniffled as her face tightened. He stroked her cheek and watched her silently cry. The terror of yesterday came creeping up on her. Those boys observing her, holding her face up to be gawked at.
“If I try I might.. get hurt again, in some way. I’m so broken now, I donno if I can take it.” She added in whimpers. He nodded and moved her bangs out of the way, she flinched in the movement, but let him. The feeling of lighting and pain from any touch started seeping back into her again.
“I know, it seems so big and scary right now. But you have to trust your gut, you learn from your experiences. Maybe you know now what to look out for? You gotta challenge yourself if you wanna grow, if you wanna heal.” He spoke softly while the pressure sank into her face again, she wiped her tears as she sniffled, responded:
“If I trusted my gut I'd think everyone at school hated me, but I get what you mean. It’s not just that though, I worry what even is left of me to, you know.. like. It feels like I’ve been ripped out of myself, nothing is left apart from.. fear and longing.” She mumbled, he stroked her bangs behind her ear yet again, stared at her with wide sorrowful worry. The loneliness was strong, it fought against her pain to keep being touched.
“I wish you’d at least try talking to a psychologist again, ‘cause I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, nor how to help you.” He said carefully, Sofie scoffed and looked to the side. She remembered what it was like, the endless forms, the stiff smiles and false sympathy. Even when being completely numb, she had felt how terrible it had been.
“I can’t even talk to some girl, how am I supposed to tell a stranger my deepest darkest fears?” She responded harshly, he sighed and held her cheek. In the silence she frowned, feeling shameful for making that girl sound so unimportant. To undermine that fiery gaze and undoubtedly soft body, It felt wrong to call her ‘some girl’, but it’d have to do, for now.
“Or maybe you could talk to your mother more?” He suggested further, Sofie leaned back and laughed in another louder scoff. Falsely and intensely it happened rather quickly, it felt completely empty, as if to mock him of her former self.
“How could she ever know about how I feel?” She asked rhetorically. He tightened his brows as he closed his mouth hard, then he lowered his head with focused eyes and hesitated.

“You should ask her.” He replied slowly. Sofie crossed her arms and looked away.
“I’m not saying she’s been through exactly what you have, but she’s been through a lot.” He added, moved his left hand up and touched her shoulder. She resisted moving away from him.
“Yeah, like what?” She asked, annoyed. He raised his hand higher, pressed her bangs to the side again. She flinched and leaned back quickly in annoyance, waved her hands in front of her face for just a second. He sighed hard and let her go completely, moved his hands down while answering:
“She too has been afraid to let anyone in again, she told me she once felt like nothing would ever change. But then she dared to let me in. She was so brave, just like you. You get a lot of your strength from her, I think. You might have more in common than you think.” He responded and grinned, while gazing to the side. Tenderness lingered in his eyes. She smiled and looked down, imagined that girl lifting her hand to her, asking to come in. She was surprised her mother had felt it too, and wondered why she had been so afraid? Was it her birthfather? Maybe the loss of him made her feel like she does right now?
“Did she ever say what made her trust you?” She asked gently, felt herself lighting up. he smiled back at her, nodded and sighed.
“You know you’re mom, she’s… well she sinks into herself, just like you. She said she made her own assumptions if she didn’t know exactly how I felt, and the fact that I naturally expressed myself, helped her stop doing that. But it started with the eyes, she always say.” He replied softly. She sighed and looked back on those beautiful amber eyes, filled with sympathy and regret. She had so earnestly apologized, put the blame on herself, there was no doubt that she was sympathetic. Sofie wondered if she was expressive too? It seemed so.

“The eyes?” She asked as she felt her crush warm her chest up.
“Mhm, she said I had kind eyes. Apparently, your birthfather had it too.” He answered tenderly, she smiled wider. He did indeed have very kind eyes, so did Olai. That girl she felt, had it too. Maybe she had recognized it when looking at her, from them? Though it could be a memory stretched too thin, or wishful thinking in the moment. She was so vulnerable that day, so sensitive to any kind of stimuli. If it was as she remembered, then maybe she should make an effort to know her? She could have run over to her yesterday, as she walked by the parking lot. She could have asked her to stay that fateful day, instead of letting her go into those doors. She teared up, god she wanted that so much. To hear her voice again and learn her name, to know what kind of person she was. What she thought behind those stunning eyes. It was undoubtedly soft like summer winds, it’d grip her tightly by every word she would speak. If just watching her made her body glow and beam, what would sweet words spoken by her do? Would she actually be happy, when getting to know her? 

Sofie tilted her head while silent, Amund noticed her quiet tears and pouted at her, stroked her cheek quickly. It felt better to be touched with warmth in her chest, even if it hurt with longing.
“I’m sure she’d want to be your friend. The next time you see her, just talk to her. What’s the worst that can happen from one conversation?” He suggested in a lighter tone. She nodded and smiled, sniffled and stared back at him.
“Okay fine, I’ll try.” She responded in a long exhale, he smiled and pulled her close. The mood was less somber, somehow she actually felt somewhat hopeful. He groaned sharply and happily against her ear, she knew it meant he felt relief in their embrace. So did she, a weak smile pulled over her lips, He leaned back and observed it seemingly with pride, and smiled widely back at her.
“Maybe she will be nice.” She mumbled and looked down, relished in the warmth coiling around her spine instead. Not of a black frightful serpent, but made of light bending inside her, just for that girl. He nodded firmly and stood up, and looked down at her.
“Yes. And maybe you should try spending some time with us? Olai was asking for you. Something about a certain video game?" He said playfully. Sofie grinned with her teeth, and wiped the last of her tears away. Wasn’t he going out with his friends? Did he stay just to be with her? He deserved something nice from her, to know she cared.

“Alright, just let me get dressed first.” He nodded to her and walked out the room. The tea didn’t steam anymore, but she took a sip from it to test its warmth. It was indeed still hot, so she got up and put her pants on. Brought the cup with her out of the bedroom. In the livingroom her mother sat with Olai, stroked his hair and asked him about his homework. His warm eyes lit up when he saw her, he stood up as she put the teacup on the coffee table.
“Sofiee!” He yelled, she smiled back at him and opened her arms. He ran into her, she lifted him up and hugged him tightly. Perhaps his embrace would comfort her too? Amund observed her as he sat down beside Lillian and took her hand. He leaned in and whispered to her as Sofie spun him around a bit. His sweet giggles made her feel some semblance of happiness again, even if it was mellow it was nice. But that wasn’t on him. She’d never truly be happy again.
“So do you wanna play Burnout or Fifa?” She asked with forced glee. His eyes widened with pure joy.
“Burnout!” He responded enthusiastically. Squirmed out of her grip and got down on the floor, pulled at her hand with such eagerness, she just had to laugh. He sat down in front of the TV, a gray box with a black softly edged screen. He turned on the black Play station 2 and gave her a dark controller with a wire attached to it.
“You can be player one.” He said softly, she lifted her hand and stroked his hair. He always wanted to be player one, it was a sweet gesture. She observed his young kind eyes, and pondered on the words of her father. Quickly she looked back at him beside her mother, who stared at her with somber happiness. Amund had told her, but that was okay. She hadn’t revealed anything to be ashamed of. Her brokenness, for all either of them knew, was just a feeling she had. Not the literal reality she knew it to be.

She sat down with Olai, started the console and helped him pick the best car before they started racing. She let her shoulders down and enjoyed herself. It must be because of the conversation she just had, maybe she should have more of those? 

*

Though her eye still hurt she had felt restless despite the workout. Still she had watched a movie on TV with her parents, all while gently pressing ice-cubes around her left eyelids, having them melt as if she was crying. Eventually she had gone upstairs to the guestroom, listened to music alone while reading comics, but it was hard to concentrate. As evening fell properly she decided to go outside. With fun up-beat tracks burned on a blank gray CD at the ready in her black discman, she listened with earplugs on a wire beneath her thin black beanie. The discman she had packed in the big pocket of her dark red windjacket, it barely fit.

A blanket of clouds covered the sky, though dark she could still see gradient soft shapes in variable density. Because of it the air was moist and lukewarm, the wind felt breezy like a gentle touch of a feather. She walked down the wooden steps from the door while looking up, saw the clouds stretch over Gardencity hill, at the very top she could barely see the contours of the tall and bulky TV tower. Numerous satellites attached to it made it seem wider than it actually was, she remembered walking all the way up there once during summer, all on her own. Reaching where the asphalt road and houses much like her own ended, and a narrow dirt road appeared with two tire tracks guiding her through tall bushes, and dense trees of all kinds. She remembered how the summer wind had rustled the leaves around her. Up there by the tower the view was wide and panoramic, the other side of town showed clinging to yet another shore, thinning out up another mountain. She saw the vast fields at the top, stretching until dense woods swallowed it. Sometimes she had daydreamed about frolicking on those fields like in the musicals, swaying her arms while dancing around. In the present while walking past the big oak tree she vowed to do that at least once before she died. She tightened her brows, and tried to remember the name of it. Burrowfields, no, Bergfields? She stepped on wet grass mostly in yellow, but some clung to summer and were green still. As she stepped onto the shore over round stones she remembered just how tall that metal tower was. Like a skyscraper stretching into the sky. Now it was cold and dark, the midsummer sun had sunken down the horizon, and soon enough when winter came it’d be dark even during the day. Commonly known amongst the peoples living above the arctic circle simply as; the dark times. And indeed it was, sullen and tiresome, heavy and cold. For now the sun shone, even if she had been inside all day she had seen it through the window. 

If the moon had been out it’d light the way for her, shimmering in the black ocean. Though it was completely hidden by the thick blanket of clouds. It was just dark enough for her eyes to get used to it, the sea and shore was so dark, she mostly felt her way forwards with her boots, concentrating slowly on how the soles bent by each step. The music blared in her ears, helped her mind calm and mellow out. By the beat she started moving her arms and shoulders, soon enough between careful steps she shook her hips and feet along with the rhythm. Mimed the lyrics to herself in the darkness along with it.

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say
I really don’t think you’re strong enough, no

She bobbed her head, not being seen with her beaten eye was a relief. Quickly a thought came to mind. Sometimes there was a gray zone amongst her peers and her. They dressed themselves up, made an effort she was sure took so long in the mornings. Even at GC2 they desperately clung to their little cliques, stressing out and laughing, speaking words seemingly rehearsed and memorized. Not once had she worried, wondered and stressed out about such frivolous things. Though being so far behind them on the social ladder, suffering by their mercy. She realized while dancing slowly to herself, that she knew where she stood. At the bottom she could do whatever she wanted, wear whatever ugly clothes her heart desired without judgement, indeed she couldn’t be judged more? Her very being was wrong, so what did it matter what she wore, what she said, how she looked? It was bad either way, it might be even worse if she actually tried, being this ugly. Despite feeling so disgusting all the time, even when alone. She relished in what little freedom she had, on the bottom of the barrel.

What am I supposed to do?
Well, I can’t do that
And there’s no turning back

She danced to it as if the love in question was her first crush in eighth grade. Some horrible little blonde girl had convinced her with loveletters to get her cellphone number. For weeks after her phone had been bombarded, with texts and calls telling her to kill herself. Well she didn’t care about that now! That little heartbreak was enough for her, there was no point in trying. No point in.. 

What are you looking at?

She stopped on the rocks, panted as she felt a hard cringe beam through her body, her stomach tightened with regret. Fuck, just when she thought she was over it, she saw it again. In a faint memory a thin figure in dark loose clothes emerged out of focus, with big golden wavy hair swaying in the summer breeze. A surprisingly pale face with blue irises staring back at her. She sighed hard, looked up at the gray clouds again. Though full of tears she remembered the sky shining in them, the biggest bluest eyes she had ever seen. She shook her head, felt the ache coil her chest into pieces. No, she tied her fists and pushed it down again. The girl faded behind the veil, and evaporated into the dark. 

She dragged out her earplugs by the cord and exhaled firmly. The air was smooth, and the waves rushed nearly out of sight. She felt a faint pressure behind her eyes, after learning she could be loved by someone, namely her parents, she had been so hopeful and naive. Had believed it and basked in the possibility, it was painful to remember the feeling. That warmth in the spine, fluttering gut and prickling cheeks. Despite knowing better she grieved, squatting where she stood with the ache rising in her chest again. Breaking her spine asunder from between her vertebrae, and crushing her chest into a proper cavity. I’ll never be loved like that, and that’s okay. She whimpered in whispers, amongst the smooth wide sounds of a calm sea, she kept saying it to herself.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She whispered. Two more years, and it’ll be over either way. People are horrible in every way, she wasn’t missing out. She herself was terrible, yelling before making sure that girl wasn’t crying. She pressed her hands against her face, relaxed her expression behind them. Why did she even bother thinking about it? Fredrik’s mantras echoed in her head. Disgusting fucking bulldyke. You’ve got such a vile body, revolting smile, and a ugly crying face. She saw the shape of that crying girl shuttering and withdrawing from her hand, coiling in disgust at her very presence.

“Fuuuck.” She said to the sea. Sat properly down, lowered her hands, and pressed them on the cold stones. Her brows tightened, quietly tears fell. She frowned her brows hard, anger bubbled like boiling water around her spine, spread all around her chest. Why couldn’t she take it all away? To control her imagination, make whatever made her bring it up now fade with the wind? Why her, why now? The girl appeared again, blurred though still beautiful. She was forgetting her, Runa sighed and tilted her head, and looked down at the sea barely reflecting light. Clearly needing to; she let herself feel it.

Emotions swirled just within reach, but came together filling her with regret. In those terrible moments in front of this stranger of gold, she had felt something within herself, it was warm and good. Not often in her life had she felt like it, or seen something like that. And now she was forgetting her. It felt like a tragedy, she couldn’t make her face out. Only her hair and eyes. Soon enough she’d fade completely, the bond however thin tethering them together was breaking. She had no name, only a place she never went to anymore. That beautiful girl was phasing out into the void, Runa got the feeling that would be the last time she’d ever feel something like that. The next two years would surely be only miserable.

She closed her eyes and raised her head upwards, let her gentle tears dry in the wind. She was pathetic to wonder, if she hadn’t yelled at her but been nice to her instead. Then maybe there was a chance? She bit her lower lip hard, felt her face contort along with pressure coming from behind her eyes. One of them started hurting again. She sobbed in a groan and turned her head slowly to the side. She felt so pathetic for letting something so little like that even hurt. Knowing she’d die without anyone truly caring made the possibility hurt so much. Because it wasn’t an actual possibility, just a thought, a shot in the dark. It’d fade into moist vapor, vanishing way before she chose to die.

She got up quickly, fuck this. I’m not going to wonder in pain at something non-existent! So she walked quickly with tied fists, didn’t even bother pushing the hanging cords, attached to the discman in her pocket. It swayed, the plugs hit her jeans, adding a light sensation in rhythm with her steps. She didn’t need to feel even more sad than she already did! The light from her house could still be seen from afar, along with numerous others hugging the shore. The one furthest away was her home. She walked towards it like a beacon. Continued forwards while hearing faint highly pitched beats from her earplugs, she stepped firmly and quickly on the round stones. Her foot slipped, she nearly fell, caught herself with her hand.
“Fucking hell!” She screamed at herself, and got up again. Soon enough she was sure, she’d forget her completely, it shouldn’t make her hurt, she forced relief upon herself. Indeed her memory wasn’t good, most of her features were gone already anyway. Soon she’ll be forgotten, despite that terrible sinking feeling blending with her anger. She consciously embraced relief still, because that’s what she should feel. Even if they somehow met again, she’d undoubtedly dislike her, and if she ever got to know her a little bit: Oh she wouldn’t like me then. So quickly she ran up the stairs, shut the door going in harder than intended. Her life was here, in this house. Not out there where she’d be beat up, or yell at pretty girls. But here, for the next two years or so, it’d only be here.

-

Runa sat quietly and ate her lunch, she observed Fredrik from afar, though today he had hardly looked at her, their eyes met. He grinned smugly whilst surrounded by big broad Mathias, and tall and lanky Alexander. Their emo fringes were so similar, though Fredrik had brown hair and was the smallest one. She got a sinking feeling in her stomach, her shoulder still hurt, and her eye still beat with pain. Girls surrounded them too, in the hallway when she arrived today they had yet again chanted for her to kill herself. Today she was back again, to indifference and mellow numbness. Though fury seeped up at intervals, along with chills up her spine.

Marlene stood near them with her friends, turned towards her when she noticed Fredrik looking back at her. She scoffed and grinned, Runa knew what they were staring at. Her eye, though less swollen, it still showed quite easily. They left her alone for one reason only, she was already suffering. Runa turned around and sighed, faced the whiteboard and leaned her head on her hand. Her stomach knotted up, she had finally gotten used to how much worse it was here. For just a moment the reality of her world dawned on her, her tears swelled in her eyes, she shook her head and fought them off. Knowing she could rest easier after a beat-up helped. As long as they could see it, her wounds, her broken spirit, they’d leave her alone. The moment she talked back they longed for her suffering, to push her down again. She frowned her brows at herself, why couldn’t she just stay little and pathetic like they wanted? She was so dumb for raising from the ashes every time, fighting them as if it’d make a difference. It never will, she was born on the bottom and she’ll stay on the bottom till she dies. So easily she wondered if she should start counting the days, plan the date for her death? She still had two years to go, 365 times 2? Why did it even matter when she’ll do it, she’s only prolonging her suffering every day she lives, and for what? 

She lowered her head, chewed plain bread with jam, and sipped from her waterbottle, why did she bother to eat? Why work out and be strong, that could be one of the reasons they even actually felt compelled to beat her up? She was at the very least a bit of a challenge to for them. Maybe they looked at her sort of like a boy? She knew most boys were taught not to hit a girl, so she must be the exception. Had she always the exception, with her stupidity, her looks, her being? Beneath even the lowest of the low she’d always decide. Maybe life is suffering? Perhaps she was made for pain, for death? She came here every day, knowing they’d mistreat her in some way. Somehow it felt familiar. They had a rhythm to their fury, a reason for their cruelty. Like the seasons, torment and pain pushed against her, like the ocean it waved back and forth in intensity. Breaking her apart slowly by each wave hitting her. She hoped the ocean was her salvation when the time came, or at the very least being in some kind of water. It felt fitting somehow. As if all her ugliness could be washed away. It brought her comfort, numbing her as she ate.

Slowly but surely she had gotten used to this, by each sneer or hit it got just a little less painful. She imagined having her head above the ocean waves, gasping between them. Going along with the rhythm of it and numbing to whatever life she had left in her, before letting go and going under. It wasn’t so bad to exist, when it was finite. Maybe one day she would dare, not today though. She sighed hard, frustrated at her own cowardice. Quickly lunch ended and yet another apathetic teacher entered the room. Staring at her as if he cared about her pain. She looked away, knew he didn’t. And so class started again, distracting them so they wouldn’t harm her, or shout to her. Though she never truly relaxed anywhere near this horrible little school. The day would pass, life would go on, until it wouldn’t. And that was fine by her.

*

When lunchtime arrived Artur seemed to notice her right knee shaking beneath their desk, he looked over at her with his dark blue eyes. His dirty blonde hair stood up on the sides around his ears. Sofie turned in her seat as the teacher exited the classroom, and grabbed her lunchbox and waterbottle from her backpack hung on her chair. She observed Endre looking at her as he got up from his seat and walked over to Tommy. They talked and stared back at her, Endre smiled wickedly with enthusiastic eyes. Behind him the bright red foldable wall glared at her like hellfire. Her spine chilled, she heard a few girls from her class whispering near them. Endre turned to them and talked, they all looked at her. Elise narrowed her green eyes at her in what looked like anger, her blonde hair dyed and straightened around her pale face. So did Amelie with her brown eyes and hair, Sofie gasped silently. Did they actually dislike her? They haven't even talked to her. She panicked and turned around, sighed hard and deeply. She stroked her own fingers in a frantic grip. They were undoubtedly saying something bad about her. The notion rattled her vertebra with gentle lightning, making her neck clench.

Artur had his lunchbox and bottle on the desk as well. He observed them looking at her before he tilted his head, undoubtedly to get a better view of her eyes from below her bangs. She nearly flinched, he lifted his hand and touched her arm over her big hooded jacket.
“Hey, you shouldn’t worry about them, they’re idiots.” He said carefully, she shrieked silently and moved her arm away from him. Their lack of intellect wasn’t a good thing, she wanted to respond. As if everyone in this room couldn’t gang up on her.
“Yeah sure.” She whispered, her stomach turned, hunger faded just when it had returned. Her spine shivered coldly, with fingers jittering beneath her long sleeves. She sighed hard.
“Not hungry again?” He asked further, she shook her head and looked away. He seemed to be looking at her again, or tried to anyway. She stared back, his eyes were somewhat worried. She frowned, why did he care? Her breath grew more frantic, did he like her?
“You weren’t here yesterday, was it because of what they did on Monday?” She bent down and raised her shoulders, tied her arms together around her chest.
“No?” She said unconvincingly. If he liked her, even if he helped her in any way; it was because he felt what those boys had felt. She teared up, knew she couldn’t get away from him if he sat beside her every day. She lowered her brows in a sudden fit of anger, was she doing it again? Just like she assumed her parents didn’t like her, she now assumed this one boy’s intentions. She scoffed in a whisper. Was she really that broken? He was just asking her if she was okay. Wasn’t that what she anted, for someone to care? Still it felt insincere somehow, that she couldn’t help.
“If they’re rude to you I’ll yell at them.” He said softly. She had noticed if the boys were too forward with their words, he had already yelled at them in protest. He didn’t seem to have expected anything in return, her spine bolted with fear. Though her logic never left her, that terrible feeling spread, and sent a storm of despair inside her entire chest. She gasped silently.
“Thanks.” She said in a low monotone voice. He touched her shoulder again, she moved away quickly, this time with a hard sharp terror trembling through her nervous system. It made her lift her hand, had her fingers freeze in firm stillness.
“Please don’t.” She whispered.
“Sorry. Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked further, and it was getting annoying. She sat up and looked down at him for just a moment. Her heart started beating faster, she looked away and frowned, sighed sharply.
“Yes, I just gotta… go to the bathroom.” She said quickly, her terror seeped out her voice. There was no time to be embarrassed. She walked off hurriedly as the despair rose, her long blue skirt swung between her shins. Desperately she hurried past the bathroom, past a narrow hallway, and into the wider hallway with the large stairwell. Beside it there was room for a small red couch, against it a steel fence framed it, for once nobody else was here. She sat down alone, and sighed hard. She lifted her tense trembling hands and stared down at them, still with eyes wide open in gentle terror. Her breath heaved slowly in looming panic. She closed her eyes, tried to remember what she had read in that book. 

Anxiety is one of the main symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. She teared up as she pictured the table and chairs in Havetown public library. She had pressed her hand against her mouth, and read the passages from this book for medical students, from the university in the next building over. Finally she learned she had literally been brain damaged by it all, she had understood. Though it was not chronic, assuming that terrible day was what had traumatized her. Still it made her feel so hopeless. She remembered Amund’s words. Only I can help myself. She decided it had to start here. 

Luckily this time nothing had actually happened, and she clung on to some control over herself. She tried to imagine a place she felt safe. Her dark room, the woods behind her house. Tears gathered behind her closed eyes, it wasn’t enough. It was just lonely and depressing. She lowered her head, pressed her palms against her face. Imagined that girl walking past the school in the morning, she had waited for her today but she didn’t come. In her mind the girl showed up with leaves blowing beneath her shoes, with the sky opening to shine sunrays onto her beautiful eyes of fire. She’d run into her arms, feel the softness of her skin. ‘Please protect me.’ She’d beg her, she smiled to herself with prickling cheeks. Her chest ached for it, of her strong arms hugging her close. The boys with eyes piercing her skull would stand at a distance, not daring to challenge a girl that strong. ‘Of course I’ll protect you.’ She wanted that girl to reply with. How she’d smile so adorably within her dark strong face, still with irises of amber, and hug her firmly as if to press the despair out. She bent over herself on the couch, it felt so real. The longing made her panic stop, but broke her to pieces still. She hasn't experienced true relief and glee like that since she was thirteen, and those memories were tainted by grief and terror. Before summer’s break it was all completely ripped out of her, probably forever. The joy she might feel being near her, it was hard to imagine that amount of happiness. She wondered if she actually could, or if she’d be a husk forever? 

Her tears stopped, she sat up and sniffled. If imagining a daydream to dampen her terror was what worked, then so be it. She smiled and turned around. The windows reached all the way up to the third floor, sun shone brightly and sent yellow rays in. She stared at it, got lost in its light and warmth, as if that girl had any power over it. Giving her heat in her time of need, just like in her recurring dream. It made her chest heavy and warm. She turned around and looked down, her mind had finally cleared. She stared inwards with focus and reason. Maybe she could do this? She let herself into another daydream.

She wondered what her laugh sounded like, what her broad hands felt like to hold? She closed her eyes, when they met again she’d be such a wreck. That poor girl would find her weirdly flustered, she was sure. The thought was amusing enough to make her chuckle weakly to herself. If she was awful maybe then she could let her go? But what if she wasn’t? Those eyes beamed in her memory like a beacon of hope. They were so kind and wondrous, setting her trembling flesh on fire. But it could still be false, fabricated by her loneliness. A girl that powerful, that expressive in her gate, would never like a timid frightful empty husk like her, she was sure. Her own beauty was so deceiving. ‘I thought it’d be more to you.’ It was easy to imagine her saying. ‘You have such dark energy, I don’t think I can be around you.’ She sighed and closed her eyes, no; that’s not me, she reminded herself. Her father’s words echoed through her. She lowered her head and tightened her brows, how much it hurt to hold on, to hope.

If only she could have been one of those girls from her class instead, conniving and joyful, even if it was malicious, she was sure they were happier than her. They had let whatever evil loomed around this place all take hold, she wished she could let it too. Wished she was heartless, it all would hurt less then. She turned around again, stared at the windows. For the first time, she tried to properly imagine what kind of school the so-called GC2 was, if problematic teens were sent there, was it worse? Maybe that girl had let a place like that corrupt her as well? She looked down and narrowed her eyes. She wondered what their second meeting would be like, what she would be like. 

Finally she stood up, straightened out her skirt and walked calmly into the classroom again. Artur stared at her with worried eyes, she looked down at him and smiled. He sat quietly with his black glossy lunchbox made of tin, and a dark blue waterbottle with ridges near the top. Though smaller than most boys their age, merely at her own height, his shoulders were sharp. His features seemed to gather amidst childlike eyes and harden. His ashy blonde hair was darker than Amund’s, but not too far off. He had eyes narrow and blue like the ocean, a thin nose and lips slim and wide. He grinned back, she sat down and opened her lunchbox. Most of the time she dared not look around at all, now she let her hood fall slowly off her. Still with bangs and hair in the way, she observed him consciously to see if she could. She hadn’t seen before, just how much he reminded him of Olai. Maybe one day, he’d look a bit like him?

Her shoulders relaxed, she grinned back to him gently and started talking.
“You know I read somewhere that red makes people angry, and blue makes them calm down.” She said, he laughed, his voice cracked just once.
“Oh so that’s what’s going on?” He joked, she grinned, moved her bangs out of the way. If she wanted things to change, she decided; she’d have to start small. She’d have to start with him.

*

Marion had told her in the afternoon that she had called her school on Monday, had talked directly to the principal. They said they’d look into it, tighten the reins, but she knew nothing would be done. It was easy to wonder if it was because she was so disgusting and bad, that even the adults found her revolting? They probably hid it in a professional way, but really they too wanted to observe her suffering. Why fix it if they wanted to see her in pain? She knew they were tired of trying to teach her. She did math in the wrong way, read too slowly, didn’t pay attention well enough. She wasn’t running the right way, wasn’t smiling pretty enough for pictures. It all weighed her down. Of course they’d despise her, when she was insufferable without even trying. It seemed so random that so many adults disliked her, for whatever reason she couldn’t fathom. Something was off, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

She sighed while laying in her bed, slowly she sat up and walked over to her desk. Sat down in front of her CD player and looked at it, decided quickly what to listen to. What else, but the last one she’d ever hear? Then she stood up and looked at her shelf. Some books she never even intended to read clung to the side of the shelf, but the rest were music albums. Her parents had a big collection, and she was allowed to handpick whatever she liked. And then over the years she had been gifted with more, if she found something good at the record store, or for birthdays and Yule.

She picked out an album from her bookshelf. Even if she was numb, or sad, music would always lift her spirits. Though only just for a limited time, still it was better than nothing. She grinned while lifting her arm, pulled the CD cover out and looked at the picture. Blue, with dark spots that made out a face with hair on top. Madrugada’s Industrial Silence. The first track in particular; Vocal, made her mind exit her and soar into the sky every time. She pressed down the hood on her black CD player, it popped up in a click, she grabbed the CD carefully from inside the cover and gently put it inside the player. Firmly she pushed the hood down and it stayed shut. She turned it on, a small red light lit above the on/off button. Then she pressed the play button, heard the CD start spinning inside it. A weak hum that raised in pitch, until the song started. She closed her eyes, lifted her head up towards the ceiling, as if her spirit could go through it and up into the sky. 

Guitar, tambourine, drums, and a subtle base. It filled the room, and her mind. Its flow reminiscent of slow waves, a melody and rhythm lulled her inner torment. The music lessened in substance. The tambourine faded. A dark voice started singing. His voice was so deep it reminded her of those low tenderly voiced radio hosts.

You better run, you better run
You better not wait too long
You better run, you better run
You better run for you have a heart

She stood up from the chair by her desk, started swinging her body to the rhythm. Though not much of a dancer, that didn’t matter here. She had her eyes closed, and swung her arms around herself, as if she was a wave swinging back and forth. Even sang weakly along with it, though she wasn’t much of a singer either. She let herself forget, soothed by the instruments, she soared with the seagull. Swung her hips along with the beat, and moved her wrists along with the melody. For just a few minutes, she had pretended to be at peace. For just a little while, she found her place in the sky.

When the song ended she hit pause, so the next track wouldn’t begin. She leaned against the desk with her broad ugly hands. Her reality came rushing back, her cursed, pathetic reality. She bit the skin on her lower lip with her teeth. Wasn’t it something she could do? Something to help her defend herself? She tried to imagine taekwondo, though her reflexes were good. Knew she was big and broad and slow to learn, she assumed as much anyway. She’d start along with other people, they’d be looking at her. Didn’t they scream when they kicked or struck with their palms? That’d be so awkward. Most people who started at these things are kids. It didn’t exactly appeal to her. She sat down on the bed, soccer, no. Handball? She shook her head to herself. A sport mostly filled with preppy girls, counting jumps before throwing the ball. Snarking at her in the showers after practice? Fuck no. She felt a chill travel up her spine and out her arms, she shook them and groaned in a whisper. Then she laid back onto the bed and sighed deeply, despite it probably being more unsafe for her: Being around boys would be easier. Maybe, boxing? She sat up and straightened her back. That wouldn’t be so bad. Apart from sparring, which she was unsure about. Wasn’t it mostly a solitary sport? No teams that would shut her out or pick her last, no crowds that could look at her ugly body. She stood up, grinned to herself. Sure she was stupid because of her learning difficulties. But in this moment she felt proud of her idea. It could work.

She ran down the stairs and walked into the livingroom. Marion sat on the sofa and read a worn down Terry Pratchett book. She lifted her gaze when Runa arrived. The livingroom was painted in a deep green color. Wooden bookshelves and chests of drawers filled up the room. Along with windows, matching curtains and pictures on the wall. The couch was of brown leather, shaped in a big L, it covered half the room. A brown wooden table was placed against it, standing on a carpet of warm colors. With depictions of flowers on them, it was rather busy visually, though the furniture covered a lot of it. Runa sat down on the sofa and grinned at her. Her eye had begun to heal enough for her parents' looks to not be filled with pity. Marion smiled back to her and lifted her eyebrows.
“Hey there, what are you thinking about?” She asked in a sharp but amused highly pitched voice. Though she was the tallest person in the house, her voice and features were high and sharp. It was easy to compare her mature face to that of hers and Harrald’s wedding photo. She had been young, and her tall cheekbones and youthful skin had made her quite the beauty. Though she had wrinkles now, that beauty often shone through when she smiled.
“I was just wondering, if maybe..” She stopped and thought through the words to best convince her. Maybe they didn’t want her to be in any more fights, even if it was in the context of competition or sparring.
“Well I sort of want to learn to defend myself a bit more, since the school ain’t gonna do something about it. And I figured, maybe boxing could be a good idea?” She asked hesitantly. Marion folded a coroner in the book and shut it, placing it on her lap. She looked up, and smiled gently.
“Hm, maybe it could indeed?” She responded excitedly, Runa smiled at her. Her shoulders tensed up, she didn’t know if she’d actually like it. But she could try it out at the very least? She sat further back with her back straight on the sofa, and held firmly at her own hand.

“And it’d be a good outlet for you. And working out does make people happier.” Marion added so happily. Runa grinned, she had felt it too. Gym class wasn’t exactly a place she felt remotely good in. But she reminded herself, it might have something to do with the people present. But alone in the basement, after the old exercise machines and stretching, after the loud music and hard sweats; she had felt pretty damn good.
“Did you know that people can get addicted to working out?” Marion added and smiled.
“Well sign me the fuck up then.” Runa said aggressively with a false enthusiasm, it made Marion laugh. Her thin lips stretched over her straight gray teeth. She patted her on the shoulder, and stood up.
“Easy now sport. Why don’t we try and see if they actually have it in town?” She said amused and walked over to the landline phone, opened the yellow pages book that was placed in front of it. She flipped through the pages of the book, Runa sat patiently and waited. Marion’s long body bent over the table, her blonde straight hair fell over her face down to her chin. she seemed to find it and started reading.
“Well aren’t you in luck?” She commented and grinned. Runa stood up.
“You found it?” She asked excitedly. Marion nodded eagerly and smiled wider.
“Mhm.” She responded happily, and read with her finger on the page.
“Tomorrow, at seven o’clock. I don’t recognise the address but it says that it is: Across the road from Marius’ music school, do you know where that is?” She asked, Runa looked up for a second, imagining its placement in her mind’s eye. The streets and houses around. That music school she remembered; had stickers on the windows resembling a piano and its black and white keys. It had amused her, she grinned. A white plain building that looked like a store for musical instruments, with countless guitars and basses, keyboards and blowing instruments hung in wide tall windows, along with flickering colorful lights in chains, like the type placed around fences and doors during Yule. She pictured the bus stop beside it, across the gray asphalt road, then a long flat building in, black? It had been dark the last time she had been near there.
“Yeah I think I do.” She replied. Marion picked up the receiver and put it against her ear, and lifted her fingers above the buttons on the phone itself. A small square plastic box with all the numbers up to nine, a zero, and a long one at the bottom for hanging up or putting someone on hold. Marion’s face relaxed, her dark blue eyes below her reading glasses grew focused.
“I’ll just call and see if they have any spots open. Why don’t you go find Harrald? He’s in the garage.” She said calmly, and started to push down the buttons. Quite comfortable rapid clicking sounds emitted from her movements when Runa left the room. She sprinted across the hallway, past the staircase and the first entry to the kitchen. When she opened the door to the tiny hallway she heard Marion talk with a tone of formality.
“Hello, this is Marion Marie Eideberg calling about…” She closed it, stepped into her shoes. Grabbed her dark red bobblejacket hung on the wall and put it on, went outside and shut the main door behind her. It slammed shut by mistake, she jumped by the sound for just a second. 

She ran down the wooden staircase, just four steps, and across the driveway on angular paved stones. She stepped on a few leaves, they crushed beneath her soles. It was a satisfying sound, she started grinning. The white garage door was closed, but a tiny smaller door in matching white stood ajar. Light shone from inside, along with some loud music. Rock from the 70’s she reckoned, she opened the door completely and looked inside. Harrald had removed a piece off his Harley motorbike, and rubbed it with a white rag stained with black oil. He saw her by the doorstep, stood up and walked a few steps to the stereo. Pressed the pause button, dense silence ensued.
“What’s up?” He asked with a gleeful tone. She smiled at him with her teeth.
“I figured I should start to protect myself better and and well, I want to try out boxing. Marion is calling the place right now. She wanted me to tell you for some reason?” She said eagerly, barely without any breaks to breathe. He put down the metal piece on a table, and left the rag with it. Quickly he walked to her with a big grin and opened his arms.
“That’s such a good idea!” He yelled and laughed, and hugged her tightly. He lifted her up from the firm gray cement floor, a feat not many could do. His arm pressed against her shoulder, slight pain beamed from it. She barred her eyes open and groaned in surprise. He must have heard, she got put down quickly and let go.
“Sorry.” He added quickly, before continuing with this enthusiastic demeanor.
“But this is it, Runa-tuna. This could be something good that actually helps you!” She rubbed her shoulder, he frowned for a moment looking at it.
“Yeah, I wanna try it out at least. Come and see if they have room for me? They gotta, right?” She said more carefully. He lifted his hand and held onto her other shoulder, nodded.
“If they don't I’ll go there myself and insist.” He replied gently. She grinned at him and they walked out of the garage together. He shut the door behind them, the light from the inside disappeared. 

Cool fall air and salty wind blew her short curls just a tad bit. She looked up at the clouds, Harrald walked behind her up the stairs. Something in her awoke, and a tense primal fear shook through her spine. Someone walking behind her up any staircase awoke some lost terrifying memory she had. It quickly passed when they entered the house again. Harrald shut the door behind them. She kicked off her shoes and gave him her bobble jacket. They entered the livingroom, Marion stood straight beside the table with the phone and smiled.
“Well, do they?” Harrald asked, she grinned and nodded. He patted Runa on the back, she smiled.
“Yessss.” She said in an intentionally deep voice, then Marion grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
“Tomorrow it is, then.” She responded calmly, seemed so hopeful, Runa nodded and smiled at them both. How strange it was to actually have something to look forward to, even if it was after school, where anything could happen to hinder it. She smirked with her teeth, and said:
“Yeah, tomorrow.”

*

Sofie sat on a chair by Olai’s bed, and held the second Harry Potter book and read it out loud. Finally while immersing herself in the story she ended the chapter. He pouted and complained:
“Noo, just one more chapter, please?” She looked at her plain white wrist watch.
“No, it’s already almost nine, it’s time to sleep.” She put an empty envelope between the pages and closed it. Placed it carefully on a small bookshelf by his nightstand. His room was bright blue, with sports paraphernalia dotted all over it. He had a poster of his favorite striker, Christiano Ronaldo. A dark haired long faced man. As well as silver looking trophees on the shelves, they were already numerous. Of course, Olai was on a junior soccer team. Once a week he played, in fall and spring he frequently had matches with other local teams. With some tournaments spread out every now and then. One was happening this weekend, if she recalled correctly.
“Okay.” He responded and yawned, before he laid his head back on the pillow. She grabbed his dark blue duvet filled with yellow stars and gently tucked him in. But he ruined it quickly. he lifted his arms towards her and said:
“Good night!” His smile was so wide, though his brown eyes were tired. It was hard not to smile when with him. She bent down and hugged him hard. Perhaps this was a crumb of happiness too? Not just her distant crush, but the bond with her little brother. She grinned in his tiny arms, acknowledged the difference his presence made. She released, sat down in the bed, and stroked his mousy blonde hair carefully. Felt the strands tickle between her fingers. It was quite relaxing. For a few moments she wondered what that girl’s curly hair would feel like to caress.
“Sofie?” He asked slowly, now more relaxed in his bed.
“Hmm?” She responded and tilted her head slowly, awoke from the daydream.
“Do you think friendship is like actual magic in Harry Potter?” He wondered further and smiled. She grinned at him and nodded. He often went home with other students in his class, he was an easy going kid. None of them ever came here, though. But that was the case with her too, back in the day. Probably because the house was so big and white, though the neighbouring houses were similar. She reckoned others felt it too, how something was off here.

“Yeah sure it is.” She confirmed. He turned around in his bed, laid on his side and yawned widely, she stood up slowly and turned around.
“Then maybe it is so in real life too? I hope so, ‘cause I have lots of friends.” Olai commented further as she walked across the room. She giggled, stood by the door and leaned against the doorframe. If only it was so.
“Yeah, me too.” She responded and looked down, sighed melancholically.
“No you don’t have any friends Sofie.” He corrected her, she lowered her head and frowned.
“Right, sorry.” She responded and sighed, wasn’t surprised he had noticed. She never went anywhere.

For all he knew, he might even think she never had any friends. He was so young when she was thirteen. Glimmering memories entered through a fold in the veil. Of that last summer before everything changed. Children both her age and his at the time had gathered around three sprinklers in their backyard. Short bright green grass tickled beneath her bare feet, chasing the younger children as they screamed and laughed. She saw Olai’s little head bop as he sprinted, with tan smooth skin and bright white hair. She grabbed him from behind and lifted him up, held him against her neck and felt his chest rise and fall in her grip, he screamed and laughed. She remembered the feel of his cold soft back against her cheek, his tiny legs kicking when she ran into the sprinklers. The sun glared in her face, she closed her eyes as she felt cold streams going up her back, legs and belly. He had been so light compared to now, so tiny. Those days are gone now.

She stared back at him again, he laid down completely beneath the covers, seemed so tired already. His face was peaceful and sweet. She grinned melancholically and turned off the light. When she was about to close the door he started talking again.
“Is it because you got sick?” He asked as he dozed off. She halted with the door ajar, looked back into his now dark bedroom and sighed. He was observant, she shouldn’t expect anything less from an eight year old. Sofie sighed and lowered her head, sadness emerged in her chest. His naivety could only get him so far, of course he’d remember when she didn’t talk or smile for weeks. Or that she was sent away. She felt tempted to ask him exactly what he remembered, or what he understood. Maybe one day when he’s older, they’ll talk about it all? She’d make sure to do it before she died, so he’d get some closure as to why, she already decided. She could at least give him that.
“Yeah.” She replied and closed the door slowly. Quickly she turned and walked into her own room down the hall, their shared bathroom was between them. She sat down in her bed, laid back and held around herself. She frowned, pondered her reply. 

Why was something so random and superficial as beauty a factor at all? That was the only reason she could think of, even if it didn’t make sense at all. Slowly throughout her childhood she had noticed it. The threshold into her teens had been so confusing. Now she had accepted the reality of it and avoided it at all costs. But underneath her long skirts, hoodies and bangs it was all still there. Her reasoning wasn’t solid, it was a weak hypothesis.

Tomorrow she knew, she’d feel something nice again. Aside from that girl she might finally meet in the morning, and her own brother, singing stood beside them as a source of at least some joy. She dared to look forward to it. Hoped nothing bad would happen at school, so she could attend the singing lesson in the early evening. This one thing had nothing to do with how she looked, it didn’t matter one bit. She grinned, closed her eyes, played the song in her head like she had on the piano. The melody rose and sank in her thoughts, the text was pretty easy too. She started singing the words in low mumbles.
“Bedshaped and up I gooo.” She sang carefully. “Buut what do I know, what do I know-hoooow, I knoow.” She had fun with it, stretched the words out and used her vibrato from her diaphragm. Then she stopped and stared at the wall. Felt a sudden sadness hit her, knew it wasn’t enough, nothing was ever enough to fill the void. 

She wanted to follow up on her conversation with her dad. But she hadn’t seen that girl at all, some weeks she didn’t, it wasn’t abnormal. But now that she had decided to meet her again, it felt like the universe denied her the chance. She felt so impatient to see those eyes again, to know for sure what she remembered was true. She closed her eyes, the terror weighing her stomach down lifted ever so lightly. Was it because of her? Did she finally have a sliver of hope again? She frowned as tears pressed behind her eyes, knew the optic nerve technically was an extension of her own brain, poking out through her skull. Somehow for once, fright didn’t poke out it, but simmering hope. It was so easy to imagine standing beside her, observing her in all her glory. That girl’s beautiful body had shone like the peak of strength and youth. Her strong features were just soft enough to give her comfort. She ached again, for a person she didn’t know. A living being so beautiful it gave her joy. The way she walked, moved, talked, god how would she ever know what to say when they finally met? Her cheeks burned hot, she smiled and sighed. Please be good, she begged the forces of the universe. Please let her be good.

Chapter Text

Runa sat on the front against her desk. Sunlight shone in beautifully from outside, made those ugly blue triangles on the green long curtains more noticeable. Bjørn-Tore her lean and rather pretty math-teacher, bent over the desk behind her, helping one of the emo girls with a formula, they whispered quietly to one another.
“Okay so you gotta take this one, and add it here, see?” He said so quietly, every word removed Runa from her own math problem.
“Yeah but what do I do when this one is there?” The girl asked back, Runa tightened her lips, sighed through her nose and gripped her pencil a bit firmer. Whispers emerged from behind them, of her classmates chattering and giggling. Bjørn-Tore stood up straight and yelled aggressively:
“Hey! Quiet!” A strict and serious man with long black wavy hair, bright green eyes and tan skin, she sometimes wondered if he was maybe a gypsy, or something like it? A diluted lineage, if he indeed was a descendant of so-called wanderers. Some traits just barely clinging to him, through a few generations of intermingling with etheric norwegians. 

She shook her head to herself, come on, concentrate. Her hands were slightly sweaty from gripping the pencil so hard, while staring down at her math book. She studied the guide for the formula thoroughly. Bjørn-Tore had just demonstrated it on the whiteboard, it still remained there for them all to see. It was difficult to remember exactly how she was supposed to add numbers over bigger numbers, and counted the best she could in her head. Some of the grungy boys with worn out loose clothing and messy hair, whispered and laughed.
“And then when he jumped, he nearly landed and twisted his foot, fell right on the board.” One of them said somewhat quietly. The others laughed. She heard the third one, a skinhead named Andreas speak:
“Fucking hell, I remember him saying it hit him in the groin.”
“Yes it like, fell and turned, hit him right in the balls, and he screamed like he was dying, it was soo fucking funny.” Runa sighed hard, they paused and looked at her, all three had their feet up on their desks, hadn’t even bothered to open their math books, nor their notebooks. She frowned her brows at them in frustration, quickly they started giggling at her.
“Why do you even bother, you flunk all the tests anyway.” Andreas said to her amused, Runa frowned her lips at him. He was right, she was so stupid, even when she tried her best she failed. Especially in math.
“I said quiet!” Bjørn-Tore shouted again, the classroom silenced.
“Idiot.” Fredrik whispered gleefully from further back, she turned to look at him for just a moment. To her surprise he actually had his books open, his brown fringe covered his right eye. He smirked with his cold blue eyes and lifted his head, slowly mouthed in a whisper:
“Retaard.” The comments had been numerous, withdrawals from her body had still occurred, but today was a normal day, so she felt less. No pain had been inflicted on her, her less swollen blue eye kept them at a distance. He could call her whatever he wanted, it didn’t matter today. 

So she simply turned around and stared down at her book, moved the tip of her pencil to the margins inside her notebook, and started drawing lines crisscrossing each other like a hashtag: #. A line for each number, with the tip of her pencil she counted where they met and wrote it down below them. So easily she came to the answer of the first formula, 265, now she could take the answer to the next formula, and attempt to figure out what X was supposed to be. Still it was hard, she sighed and frowned.

Quickly Bjørn-Tore’s long tan hand pressed right on her math book, she looked up at him as she jumped. His skin was still much lighter than hers, if only she could blend in enough for people to wonder. Have them question whether or not she was an ethnic Norwegian. She had asked her parents once, if they knew where her biological father had come from. They said they’d look into it, but never gave her an answer. They probably forgot all about it, she had too, didn’t mind too much. It wasn’t that important.

“No Runa you’re doing it wrong.. again.” He said firmly, she looked down and sighed, he squatted down on the floor, faced her when she looked away.
“Compensating for your deficits won’t help, you gotta learn the right way to do it.” He said further, faked a smile to make his words go down easier. Quickly he removed his hand and pointed at the lines in the margins with his own pencil.
“This is useless, you can’t predict an outcome or calibrate anything with that.” He continued, crossed over them sharply and circled it. Then he stood up and bent over her desk beside her, Runa frowned and moved herself away from him. His body loomed over hers, pressing his breath and clothes onto her. A chill of mild fear quivered up her spine.
“I’ll go over it another time, from the beginning. And try to make an effort this time?” He commented monotonically, Runa looked to the side and sighed hard. But I’ve made an effort, she wanted to say. Instead she nodded, of course he’d assume she didn’t when she was this stupid. Indeed she was far below average, she reckoned. For a few moments she felt a light pressure emerge from behind her eyes. Maybe I really am retarded?
“And you gotta stop using those damn lines.” He added firmly and finally started.
“Okay.” She whispered back with tight brows, leaned over her book and observed him drawing numbers closely, already she felt her head hurting.

-

Simon walked into the classroom, holding his New Norwegian book, and a few notebooks under his shoulder and arm. His short wide body walked across the loud classroom. With blonde balding hair and ocean blue eyes he placed himself at the front and said in a sigh:
“Good day class.” Runa sat at the front still, pressed her upper arms against the desk. Her head laid between them, she had closed her eyes. In the numbness a tiredness lingered, along with a gentle beating headache. She was so damn stupid, math had knocked her brain cells right out of her. She frowned and lifted her heavy head, already students had gotten up from their desks. They went to the lockers in the back of the small yellow classroom, Simon stared at Runa with wide eyes. For just a moment she felt herself frown as if she was about to cry, and she shook her head at him. He tilted his head and sighed deeply, frowned his eyebrows at her. She gathered her lips in a gentle frown and shook her head a bit quicker. Already her fellow horrible students sat themselves down, awaiting him saying which pages they were supposed to open. Runa leaned over her desk again, pressed her nose against it and sighed deeply, closed her eyes and tried to relax. A feat impossible in a room filled with such horrid humans. Being exhausted made her at least want to try, just to give her idiot brain a break. Simon cleared his throat and finally said:
“Open your books to page 102.”

*

Sofie sat by the black wooden dinner table, sleek with pretty white plates and plain store bought pizza grandiosa. Though she did her best to spice it up with garlic dressing and barbeque seasoning, it was still quite bland. Her mother had just barely made it home in time, and so her parents and Olai ate together. He had already gone over his eventful day, stories of jumping into puddles and climbing evergreens by the border of the school’s playground. Sofie sighed and leaned on her hand, already her elbow was on the table. Before, she’d be told to put her elbow off the dinner table, but they didn’t care much now about such frivolous things anymore, not after the worst day of her life. She held the slice of pizza with pale melted cheese, some meat and ham, and onions on top, and took a bite off it. Tame tastes so mellow and bland, mostly she tasted the garlic dressing. So she put it down on her white plate, looked down at it and felt her stomach tighten in hunger. Even still, the joy of taste was lost to her, along with the last of her appetite.

“So Sofie?” Amund asked gently, she looked up at him on the opposite side of her. His hair was messy and somewhat mousy, though still dark blonde. He wore a black sweater and blue jeans. His sharp slim face still pale and with kind brown eyes.
“Hm?” She responded back to him, he cleared his throat and lifted his brows.
“Have you been.. talking to anyone, today? Or..” He asked further, she shook her head and lifted her shoulders, looked at her mom who listened with a gentle smile. Brown haired with ocean eyes, her features still sharp and pale on her face.
“No, I haven’t.. seen anyone lately I’d want to talk to.” Sofie answered in sullen tones and looked down at Olai, who stared with wide eyes.
“Don’t you talk to those in your class?” He wondered so sweetly, Sofie shook her head and grinned, lifted her hand and ruffled his light ash blonde hair.
“Don’t you worry about that, little one.” She replied, he frowned his brows but smiled, looked down and nodded. Sofie then grabbed both her fork and knife in one hand, placed an empty water glass on her plate, lifted it, stood up in the white open plan kitchen, living and diningroom.
“Thanks for dinner.” She said a bit too grumpily, walked to the white wooden kitchen and opened the cabinet beneath the sink, shoved her slice of pizza into the trashcan, before closing it. After she opened the white washing machine a few cabinets to the side, and put her plate and cutlery, and empty waterglass inside it, and shut it quickly. Hurriedly she walked past them, felt somewhat ashamed she was so careless with food, knowing it to be a finite resource, understanding many would kill for such a bland meal. Starvation ravished at least half of the world, maybe more. And she threw it away, just because she didn’t feel like it. Clearly, something is so wrong with her. She was indeed forever broken.

In her baby blue bedroom, with white furniture and shelves, and countless books and botany illustrations hanging on the walls: she quickly grabbed a change of underwear and white silky pyjama pants and top. Hung it on her left arm and exited her room, walked into the plain white bathroom and locked it. Hurriedly while her spine shivered with gentle chills, she dressed off herself completely and put her clothes in the hamper by the shower and tub combo. She turned on the faucet and waited for the water to go from cold to hot. In the moments before gentle steam rose from it, she stared at herself in the mirror over the sink.

Fair and skinny, with her long pale blonde hair covering her round heavy breasts, a belly too skinny, arms and legs matching it, with wide hip bones and sharp collarbones. She used to look healthy, with the pink in her cheeks she used to be heavier, used to look normal. Here she almost looked sickly, like a person starving in slow motion. She knew it wasn’t intentional, sometimes she weighed herself to see how much thinner she had gotten. Though she knew, much haven't changed since last time she did that, weighing around forty nine, she reckoned, maybe fifty kilos. She sighed deeply, observed her soft full lip open a bit as her ribs expanded and became more noticeable through her skin. The chill in her spine rose, anxiety coiled and knotted in her stomach. What would that girl think of such a frail pale body if she ever saw it? Would she find it gross, or pitiful? She felt her lower lip tremble, and a pressure to emerge behind her eyes. Observed her big bright blue eyes gloss up with incoming tears. This is her body, still defiled, a manifestation of a broken animal starving to die. Much like this she had looked, when it happened.

A memory came back to her, of when she finally showered after, how she had scrubbed and cried, never feeling clean enough to calm down. She sometimes felt it still, like her skin was crawling with dirty hands, contaminating her hardened empty shell. 

Sofie frowned her brows, faced the shower now steaming and stepped into the tub. Moved deep blue shower curtains around herself and turned around, let the streams from the showerhead hit her hair first. After she picked up mild perfumeless bodysoap and squirted it into her hands, washed her groin and rear before rinsing it off with water, did the same with her armpits and feet. Then she quickly picked up a razor and started shaving off every hair on her body. From armpits, to pubichair, to leghair. She concentrated without making a sound, the noise of running water was enough to cut into her brain through her ears to torment her. After she had paused, staring down at her smooth pale and thin hairless body. Apart from her breasts, she noted; she could almost look juvenile. It gave a great sense of relief, as if that day hadn’t happened. Like she was a child still innocent, and knew nothing of the terror like lightning, striking through her flesh making her bleed. Nobody would ever want her, when she looked prepubescent, right? The younger she looked, even to herself, the safer she couldn’t help but feel. She sighed and relaxed her shoulders, picked up the shampoo bottle, squirted it into her hand and started the process of cleaning her long thick and heavy hair.

*

Harrald parked outside the fitness center, kept the engine on while sighing. He looked over at her, the inside of the car was dark, only the headlight against the wall lit them up. Runa felt a knot in her stomach, had put on her black workout tights and a tanktop underneath her red fall jacket. Harrald lifted his broad pale hand to her face and patted it gently, said softly to her:
“Now call if anyone treats you badly, or if you just wanna leave, that’s fine too.” She smiled at him determinedly and nodded.
“I’ll text when it’s time to leave anyway. Do you want me to stand out here and wait, after?” She asked timidly. A gang of tall rowdy teens passed the car, laughing and pretending to hit one another with their fists. One of them beat on the hood of the car, made them both jump. They quickly went inside two glassdoors, well lit from the inside.
“How about..” Said Harrald, looked around himself. She spotted a weakly lit up bus stop with a booth and a bench, nodded towards it.
“How about there?” He nodded and smiled at her, sighed as if relieved, she felt it too. Of course any group of teenagers felt like a potential challenge for her, every teen in the world activally sucked, they both knew this.
“Yeah, that’s perfect. Just text me when you’re done, and then wait there.” He responded. They paused at a standstill, the knot in her stomach sank ruther in, pressed at her spine and made her slightly terrified. She sighed hard and lowered her head, observed people moving inside the fitness center.
“Can’t you come with me inside, please?” She pleaded with him carefully, he shook his head and smiled.
“No Runa, you gotta learn to meet new people alone, I can’t be there to hold your hand.” He replied and smiled, she crossed her arms and sank down in the seat.
“I don’t want you to hold my hand, I just.. what if you notice bad vibes and I don’t ‘cause you’re older?” She complained nervously. He stroked her upper arm over her jacket, the friction made the fabric emit sharp noises.
“If anyone can notice bad vibes as you say, it’s you. Come on now, it’ll be fiinee.” He encouraged her in a rather forcefully happy tone. She sighed again, nodded and accepted whatever fate awaited her in there. She had a bad feeling, like something was going to change. She closed in on herself, pressed her lips together. Most of the changes of her life had been for the worse. She felt tears pressing behind her eyes, they’re going to hate her in there, she just knew it.
“You know, you don’t have to mingle, just try and focus on whomever is in charge, and keep to yourself, just hit stuff.” Harrald said attempting to encourage her, grabbed her hand and held it firmly. She started giggling, the tension rose from the depths.
“Hit stuff?” She asked and grinned. “You don’t know anything about boxing do you?” He smiled back at her and shook his head. Everything about him was broad and angular, his short blonde hair thinned so visibly at the top. The sheen of his head reflected from the headlights lighting up the wall in front of them. She groaned, moved between the front seats and grabbed her small black gym bag, struggling to get it forward.
“You can do this Runa-tuna, and if not I’ll just be a phonecall away.” He said lastly, she nodded and looked to the side, opened the car door and stepped out.

As she stood up she stared at the bus stop on the other side of the road, right beside Marius’ music school, as if to make sure it was still there. She shut the car door a bit harder than intended, waved at Harrald before walking across the headlight. Her silhouette cast shadows on the wall for just a few moments. Before she entered the fitness center, she paused and stared back at him sitting in the car. He barely showed, but waved again. She weakened her knees and bent her head back in protest, groaned before finally walking inside. Opened the glass door and went through it nervously. Turned and looked back through the glass again, observed the red car back out of the parking lot in her side view. Well fuck me, she thought. In the name of self defense, here I go.

At first she entered a long hallway with deep purple walls. Along the right side were shelves and numerous shoes and boots, most much bigger than her own. She bent down and unzipped her own, the brown laces of her black boots were mostly for show. She placed them a bit away from the others, still with the bag over her shoulder and the windjacket closed she walked further in, gripped the handle of the bag nervously. 

The hallway had no doors, but the room opened horizontally to a gray wall with two doors in them. On each was a sign of a human, with and without a skirt in white. She looked around, to her left the room opened wide with a tall white ceiling. Around the walls it switched between the gray and deep purple. On the floor was an elevated boxing ring, massive and black, with thick elastic black bands framing it, around steel poles on each corner. Nobody was in it, but a lamp lit it up hanging from the ceiling. Around it were bright red mats, she recognized the kind from gymnastics. Thick and soft and a bit foamy, it dotted in contrast to the bright blue floor. Around the elevated square boxing ring were teens her own age. Boys with wide arms and legs, jumping over each other with black boxing gloves on. Runa frowned, didn’t stare at them too long while they shouted at each other. Knew that kind of energy could quickly turn on her.

She walked over to the room opening to the other side. With walls alternating between purple and gray, along with blue floors and red mats, it was mostly the same. Only, there was no ring. Along the wall facing her around ten light gray punching bags had been hung, the dark purple contrasted it well. Scattered around the tall room lit up with numerous smaller hanging lights, more teens were. Some seemed a bit younger than her, others looked like her own age as well. All in boxer shorts in different colors, in tanktops and running shoes. With black boxing gloves, and headbands to keep the sweat away. It too was only boys, but then she saw something colorful emerge from a crowd in the corner, a chubby girl with strong arms, much like herself. She had long bright purple hair tied up in a high ponytail, with the boys around her she joked and laughed loudly. Seemed in her element, looked happy to be there.

A handful of adult men scattered with the teens, one of which waved to her. A pale man with beefy arms and wide shoulders started running towards her, dressed in black from head to toe. He wore a plain tanktop, and long loose boxer shorts. Had short brown hair, thinning at the top but still covering most of his head. His eyes were wide and green, eagerly he smiled with straight teeth and screamed:
“Hey you!” Paused in front of her and lifted his hand up to be shaken. She stared down at it and tightened her brows, quickly he withdrew and asked further:
“You’re Runa, right?” She nodded quickly, looked around a bit. Some teens were screaming, grabbing her attention so easily. Though that girl seemed to watch her closely.
“I’m Toni, welcome to Havetown boxingclub.” He said eagerly and focused the attention back on him, she nodded and gripped the handle on her sports bag.
“Not many girls show up here, the few that do I make sure are treated well.”
“That’s nice, but I’m only trying it out.” She said hesitantly. He nodded and lifted his hand, gestured at the punching bags. Already some had started practicing, including the girl with purple hair.
“I know, but I’m sure you’ll like it here. Anyway..” He turned around and patted her upper back, continued more calmly. His nose, she now observed, was hooked. His smile was thin and his cheeks round. Though his jaw was sharp and strong.
“You just go ahead and change in the girl’s wardrobe, and come out here again. I’ll teach you the basics.” He continued, she nodded and looked down. While facing the room with the elevated boxing ring a few boys turned around and stared straight at her. Looking surprised, all with strong arms and legs, wide shoulders and vividly colored fitness wear. Runa swallowed and sighed, Toni must have noticed, he patted her back again and chuckled softly.
“Don’t you worry about a thing, everyone here is very welcoming.” He said in a light tone, they arrived outside the wardrobe door. She tightened her brows and looked at him.
“I’ll have you know, most people don’t like me very much.” She had to add, warn him of the numerous name calling, and confrontations her presence undoubtedly would cause.
“Well I don’t see why not, you fit right in here anyhow. It’ll be fine, now off you go.” He pushed her back and let go, she went in through the door to an empty white room. With wooden benches and metal hooks against the four walls. A wide wooden door leading into the showers no doubt, unsurprisingly only that other girl’s things were there. A jacket and a bag hanging on the hook, nothing special. Knowing nobody else would come in here gave her relief, no girls would gawk at her here and insult her to her face, she assumed. Not with so few girls. She sighed in the empty cold room, walked in her socks over to one of the hooks on the wall opposite to that girl’s things. She took off her bag and placed it in front of herself, then she took off her noisy dark red windjacket, and hung it up on a hook. After she unzipped her rather small gym bag and pulled out her black running shoes. Sat down beside the bag and put them on while pressing her heels on her fingers, tied the shoes and stood up. The rest she’d be given out there, she reckoned. Before exiting the safety of being alone, she sighed hard. Attempting to breathe out that tight feeling in her chest, it helped little. She’d have to do it all with that feeling inside then, accepted the notion, and went outside.

Turning left she entered the big colorful room yet again, Tony now stood a bit on the side, waved with black square pads on his hands. She jogged over to him, observing the boys and that girl pausing and looking at her. They seemed more surprised than anything else, which relaxed the coiled knot in her stomach. Toni grinned at her, looked over at them.
“Oh you’ll meet them soon enough, but right now let’s just do this, me and you, okay?” He said amused, and moved his gaze towards her once more. His green eyes looked quite lively in the bright white light coming from above. She nodded and sighed, he looked down and gestured with his eyes, she looked down at the floor. A pair of black boxing gloves tied together by lace laid between their shoes.
“Pick them up and put them on.” She bent down over the blue floor with a strange buoyancy,  untied the laces, put her right hand in first. Inside the glove it was soft, yet firm. Within it her fingers bent, as if tying her fist without bending them properly. She put on the other with more struggle, but figured it out quickly. He took off the pads on his hands, put them on the floor. Looked at her and nodded, said firmly:
“Okay see my legs?” He stood with them wide apart, his left in front of his right, she nodded and copied him.
“Good, now put your arms up like this.” He lifted his forearms and bent his elbows, crouched just a bit over and relaxed his fists, enclosed them in front of his face. She did as he told her, observed him closely, he smiled and nodded. Frowned his brows enthusiastically.
“Now this is a stance, always keep it, unless you’re moving.” She nodded again, he quickly moved his hand up and patted her upper arm, said:
“I get the feeling you’ll have a strong punch, but first we need to do this slowly. You gotta give your muscles time to remember, so first..” He continued, she grinned and looked down. The knot loosened more, this wasn’t so bad.
“This is called a jab.” He added, slowly and gently he moved his left glove up and hit her right shoulder.
“Now you do it.” He said, she nodded and lifted her fist firmly, she punched his right forearm gently but swiftly.
“No no, there’s no rush, do it slowly.” He corrected her sternly, though his tone was light still. She nodded again and concentrated, moved her hand up and hit again, slowly and timidly. He nodded eagerly with wide eyes.
“Good, now again.” He commanded in a deeper voice. She did it again, he nodded.
“That’s a double jab, now again.” He added, she listened, punched him thrice.
“That’s a triple jab. Do it again from the start.” She made sure to keep her neck and upper back somewhat hunched, concentrated keeping the stance between three slow hits, he smiled and nodded, seemed pleased with her.
“Good good, okay let’s try the one and two.” Still in his stance he first punched slowly with his left fist.
“The one.” He said slowly, punched with his right, hitting her lower on her forearm.
“And the two.” He added, kept up the stance and lifted his glove, did it again slowly three times in a row. Then he gently tapped her head with his gloved hand and said:
“Now look down at my hip.” She had been focusing on his arms and fists, jumped a bit by the rudden gesture, but grinned and lowered down at his hip. Somehow he seemed playful and forceful at the same time, like Torvald her gym teacher. Toni lifted his arms so she could see it better, inside his wide black shorts he rotated his hip to the right. Moved it back and did it again.
“See how I rotate it? In one swift movement, stretching inside the one and two. Now you do it.” He said firmly, she lifted her forearms and looked down at her own tight fitting shorts. Slowly she copied him, rotated her hips while keeping her sole flat on the floor.
“Good, now do the one and two while bending it, slowly.” Toni instructed, she lowered her forearms, he assumed the stance and looked straight at her. She concentrated, bent her hip slowly while moving her left hand forward, then her right. He nodded enthusiastically, signaled for her to go on. Repeatedly she slowly did it, coordinating her arms and hip better by each time.
“Great, you’re a fast learner.” He said eagerly, she grinned at him and nodded.
“I guess I am.” She responded hesitantly. He smiled widely back at her, and punched her shoulder gently.
“Okay so, now I want you to bend your knees.” She stared straight at him while slowly bending them, he nodded, she grinned, he did that a lot apparently.
“Now hit me with your left.” She listened, still with her knees bent she hit him gently at a slow pace. He slowly started stepping to the side while bending his knees down, before moving back again and straightening his knees more. The movement made a V shape with his upper body.
“Do it with me.” He added hurriedly. She slowly stepped to the side and bent her knees, quickly she found the rhythm with him. Still with his forearms up he nodded and lifted his left hand, stepped to the right and hit her. Then, when he moved to the left, he hit her with his right.
“This is called a long hook.” As he spoke she looked down at his legs, bending in the rhythm, before looking up at his arms.
“Now you.” He commanded firmly, she frowned her brows and concentrated. Between the movements she slowly started hitting him, left, then right, the pace increased just a bit. He blocked with his forearms and took it, alternating between looking down at her knees and up at her fists.
“Yes yes, now stand still and give me the one and two.” He said forcefully with soft glee, she halted her legs, bent her hip and hit him first with her left, then right again just like before. The sound of the padded gloves hitting his forearms suddenly became clearer. Unintentionally she did it a bit too hard, he grinned and kept the stance.
“Now give me a long hook while standing still.” He commanded further, she hit him a bit slower and gentler to compensate for her strength, he smiled wider and said:
“Good, that’s very intuitive.” He complimented her, she widened her eyes and smiled. The knot loosened completely. While being in movement, feeling her body listen to her will, she actually felt like she was doing well. Her chest filled with gentle warmth, was she actually having fun? There was more to boxing than she thought, being far more challenging than simply working out. He seemed excited about it too, chuckled and said more gently:
“Move between me without hitting, and then you bend your knees and give me a one and two, still slowly.” She listened, and slid from one foot to the next a couple of times without hitting, before she lifted her left, hit his forearm slowly. Then her right on this other arm.
“Good, again.” She did it just a bit faster, but still carefully.
“You’re a natural, Runa.” He said enthusiastically. She paused, felt her breath grow slightly heavy.
“I am?” She wondered hesitantly, grinned despite her insecurity. He nodded eagerly and answered:
“Yes you’re quick on your feet, your posture is great. Most struggle with the hip in the beginning, you just needed a couple of tries then you had it.” He seemed so genuine, his compliment was believable, she tightened her lips and looked down to the side.
“Thank you?” She responded carefully, he smacked her right shoulder with his gloved fist.
“Hey, ready to try more?” He asked gently, she nodded and looked up at him. His thin short hair looked more messy, she realized his green eyes were kind. Expecting anything was a silly notion she often didn’t bother with, in teens more so than actual adults. Though most were dismissive at best, even still. This guy, Toni, seemed nicer than he ought to be, while training her. Maybe she should’ve shaken his hand then? Greeted him more kindly?
“Sure.” She answered and focused on him, despite hearing laughter and screaming from teens sparring with hand pads and gloves around her. He seemed eager to continue, his enthusiasm was so easily shared to her.
“Now I’m gonna teach you how to catch a jab.”

-

It had been a bit difficult to know how to catch them all, which movements to match the one and two, the jab, along with the movements bending from side to side. With the handpads on Toni continued to compliment her, still it surprised her. Eventually he remarked they had kept it up for three quarters, though she didn’t feel very tired she understood. The class was over. He patted her on her shoulder and grinned.
“I really do hope you wanna come join us here, I know I want you to.” He said enthusiastically, she chuckled and nodded, took the black boxing gloves off. By the end to her surprise, they had been a bit fast. Moving around enough for her to sweat a little. Though she got warm so easily, she still felt a gentle high spreading all around her body. Her hands were so sweaty, she dried them off on her shorts and said eagerly:
“Yeah well, I am seriously considering it. Though I might need bigger gloves if I do.” He bent his knees for just a moment, before straightening them, pressed his knuckles on each side of his hips and laughed vividly.
“No it’s supposed to be tight in there.” Runa chuckled back.
“Oh.” She responded, he patted her shoulder again and said:
“Hope I’ll see you next week then.” She nodded and turned around, started walking across the blue and red floor, surrounded by white and deep purple walls, still the room was tall and well lit. It had faded to her in the motions, now the grandness of it returned.

A handful of boys and that one girl stood at the ready when she walked across the room.
“Hey you, new girl!” She heard one of the boys yell, frowned her brows at them. Great, here it comes. They paused with wide smiles and waved, the girl shoved a few of them aside and stepped forwards right in front of her. With wide dark brown eyes and full lips she smiled with white crooked teeth. In the bright light her hair was so intensely purple. She was wider than herself, both in muscles and general body mass, it seemed.
“Hi, welcome welcomee. I’m Amelie.” She seemed gleeful to see another girl here. None of them tried to shake her hand, presumably to avoid her touch, per usual.
“Hello, I’m Runa.” She replied a bit less tense, Toni’s energy it seemed, had loosened her up. Amelie gestured to each of the boys beside her. First at a tall and broad one, with wide grayish blue eyes. His blonde slightly long hair was tied up with a rubber band, and kept there with a bright blue headband. He wore yellow loose boxer shorts and a tight black tanktop. With thin lips he smiled when Amelie said:
“This is Tom-Andre.” Then she pointed at the one beside him, with black curly hair much like her own, and deep dark blue eyes. He was the tallest, his arms looked stronger than the last. Wearing a dark green tanktop, though his boxer shorts were bright red.
“This is Steffen, he’s been here the longest.” Amelie continued, lastly she touched a wide but smaller boy on the shoulder, patted it playfully. He was still taller than them both. Had the widest arms and short red hair. His brown eyes were more narrow, like that of the Sami. Though he didn’t look like one with the rest of his features. The Sami were often smaller, with almond eyes and tall sharp cheekbones. An indigenous people of the nordics, many still resided in Norway, despite being discriminated against throughout the years.
“And this one is Heine.” Amelie said excitedly. He waved with a wide pale hand, smiled widely at her.
“Hello, and I gotta say, you handled the leg movements really well.” He said with a deep voice. Steffen patted him on his head and pouted at him:
“Yeees I remember your footwork in the beginning, you suuucked baaaalls.” Amelie laughed, Heine smiled stiffly and shoved his hand away, screamed amused back at him:
“Shut uuup!” The rest giggled vividly at his response, Runa grinned and looked at them.
“I bet you sucked too, in the beginning.” Tom-Andre said while still chuckling. Steffen looked away, played aloof and arrogant.
“Noo, I’ve always been the best.” Amelie shoved him hard and screamed:
“No you haven’t, stop lyyiing!” They all laughed further, Runa pressed her lips together and waved. They all seemed nice enough, to each other and to her. Perhaps she really should come back here?
“Bye then, maybe I’ll see you next week.” She said to them, Amelie stepped forward and groaned:
“Please do, this place needs more girls.” Runa chuckled.
“You don’t seem to mind too much.” She commented and turned around, started walking.
“Oh but I do, I’m surrounded by idiots!” Amelie screamed back. Steffen shouted without her looking:
“Heeeey, I get 6 in math, you’re the idiot!” They all laughed together yet again, quickly Runa passed the long hallway and turned into the girls wardrobe. She sat down alone in the empty white room, grabbed her little black Nokia cellphone, from a small side pocket in her gym bag.
| im done :) it was fun come get me | She texted hurriedly, pressing down on the tiny buttons numerous times. Being lazy with the uppercase letters as usual, before putting it back. Despite the air in here being cooler, she still felt too warm. Like her skin radiated with heat. So she decided to just keep her jacket in her arms, and closed the bag. Hurriedly she went into the long purple hallway, put her shoes down from the shelf and stepped into them, zipped them up. That actually was fun? The blocking and the movements, the dabs and the hits, it seemed she was a fast learner? Nobody had ever complimented anything she had done like that before. None of the boys had stared at her with contempt, and that girl Amelie seemed genuine as well. 

She exited the fitness center, looked up at the sky. For it being mostly open, showing off the stars; it sure was mild outside. A gentle breeze hit her, she grinned and turned, walked towards the decided place. Amidst the darkness lit up by streetlamps and windows, she paused before a car passed the crosswalk, observed it stopping for her. Ahead was a mostly blue booth with a dull ceiling light inside. On the wall facing her was a bus table, somehow connecting the bus stop to the time of day always seemed so complicated, she had never bothered to figure it out. Below it was a wooden bench, at the most right sat someone dressed in blue and black, with a hood over their head. Runa sat down and closed her eyes. Maybe working out there would actually help her? In a different way than anticipated, it seemed to be a place to feel good in, not just to learn to defend herself. Maybe she could actually be good at something?

She got that looming feeling of being watched, so she opened her eyes and looked to her left. In the warm summer sun golden hair had swayed in the wind, while bright blue irises had shimmered with tears. Staring back at her that blue appeared, now swallowed by shadows shimmering in weak warm light. Her round eyes were framed by pale lashes and brows. A soft nose below them, small and gentle. Her lips were full with delicate shapes, framed by a chin and jaw perfectly soft, though still defined enough to look elegant. Slowly she paused and looked at her, with a slim pale hand pressing her blonde bangs to the side. Even with the hood on her pale face she was still immaculate. That look grazed her presence yet again, of wonder and tenderness. Her spine beamed while her stomach tightened in her nervousness, there she was again. The girl she was about to forget, from one moment to the next, suddenly there she sat in all her beautiful glory. Runa in her impulsivity started speaking, the words simply fell out her mouth:
“I remember you.”

*

Sofie closed her eyes, concentrated on the high tones. Hans, a tall older man with long white hair played the piano in front of her. He wore a bright red T-shirt and black loose pants. Apart from her own father, she trusted him enough to be alone with him. Her parents signed her up at fourteen to give her a confidence boost, after hearing her sing in the shower. It had been a constant of her life she fought to keep, even when school began again after summer. Still she challenged herself enough to take the bus home.

She stood in a white room filled with instruments hung on the walls, or standing against them. The right wall was completely covered with shelves filled with folders, those she knew had song lyrics and note sheets, CDs and cassettes. She let her voice make her soar, grinned and sang the end of Bedshaped, by Keane:
“And up we’ll go. In white light, I don’t think so. But what do I know, what do I know. I know.”
She opened her eyes, knew she had reached the notes perfectly. Hans smiled at her, said:
“That was pretty damn good, Sofie.” She lowered her head and nodded.
“Thanks.” She responded. He sat back in the chair behind the keyboard, and sighed.
“And you’re sure you don’t want to join the choir? There are other teens there as you know, and no religious music. Just songs like this one, you have such a beautiful voice. Or, if you wanted to, I could refer you to a specialist for Opera singing. You have the voice for it.” He pleaded with a smile. Sofie looked to the side, the mere thought of it twisted her stomach into a knot. A quick cold shiver shot through her spine and made her shoulders tense up for just a moment.
“No, I think I’ll be fine with just the normal singing lessons with you.” She replied and sighed slowly. Hans lifted his hands and laughed, said:
“I get it, you have stage fright, but that specialist is a really nice old lady. I’m sure you’ll like her, if you ever start reconsidering it, tell me okay?” He said calmly, she gazed at him with focus. Remembered the long process it was for her to sing in front of him. At first she had been so shy and embarrassed about it, Amund had to stay in the room for at least a month, but she had come far since then. She was glad they insisted on it so strongly, now it was the third pillar of her life. Every Thursday she’d let her worries go, and just sing. 

He stood up and walked to the shelves with the folders, grabbed one and opened it, flipped through it.
“Now listen, I know you requested love songs. But there are so many, do you want a classic like, oh I don’t know: Love me tender by Elvis Presley? Or something a bit more modern like...” He paused while holding it still, before she finally continued:
“Mmm, like this one: I want to know what love is, by Foreigner?” He picked a piece of paper out of the folder and gave it to her, she held it and read some of the lyrics.

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

Sofie grinned, it made her wish it was for that girl so much she started blushing.
“That’s perfect.” She said and smiled. He nodded, walked over to a shelf with tons of CDs, picked one out, and gave her Foreigner’s album. The cover was a picture of a big fat F with different colors on it. It floated freely on a white background. Sure it was from the eighties, it was already a decade old she assumed. But it was still quite good.
“Oh wow, thanks.” She said, walked over to her baby blue windjacket a few sizes too big. Luckily it had wide pockets, she put the CD cover in it, folded the paper and pressed it down beside it.
“See you next week then Sofie.” Hans said and smiled. She lifted the hood of her hoodie over her head, then she put the jacket on. 

She waved at him, exited the room and arrived at a big yellow one with a reception, couches against the wall and many more instruments hanging on the walls. Pianos, basses, keyboards, guitars, flootes, saxophones, it was a big room but all of it made it look smaller. She observed a big feminine girl with strawberry blonde curls covering most of her. She leaned close to and whispered against a slim girl with hair even lighter than her own, and cut short into a pixie cut. They giggled and smiled at one another, but then they paused and looked over at her. Sofie felt slight anxiety go through her chest and gazed down and to the side. She quickly exited the building belonging to Marius’ Music School. An after school-program, a privately owned music center for teens and kids. Of course they had a choir, they usually sang at the town's big fancy cultural center and stage. During Yule, or independence day, referred to as: The 17th of May. She couldn’t even imagine the crowds in that place, the stage hall could fit one thousand people. It even had a grandstand. The thought made her shiver once more, somewhat lukewarm air hit her face. She quickly walked up to the road and looked around. It was a dark mild evening, she looked up and sighed hard. In the quiet she realized just how alone she was. Those girls whisåering to each other, and all she had was this. Without a single friend in the world, all she could do, was sing. It closed in on her while the stars glimmered so far away. The vast cosmos made her feel even tinier, though a calming aura rose inside her. The fresh air was vivid in her lungs, and the darkness mellowed her mind into gentle emptiness. A car drove past her, interrupted her serenity. She sat down in the booth of the bus stop, and waited in silence.

The darkness was soothing, a mellow wind brushed against her feet, her hood and bangs were in their correct places. Just in case any boys would walk past her and spot her. How she hated being this paranoid. She was tempted to let it all fall back again, maybe she should? Would she feel freer then? Or less insignificant and small? It wasn’t unthinkable in a place like this. Somehow it still tensed her up, so she stared down at her feet, hiding herself away.

She heard footsteps, and probably because she had just been singing; she didn’t feel anxiety rise through her just yet. Someone sat down beside her inside the booth. She made sure her hood was over her head, and that her bangs covered her face. She pressed her mouth against the collar of her light blue windjacket, before she stole a glance at the person, looked down again. But then her mind processed what she had seen, she gaped with wide eyes, and looked to her right again. It was her. 

She was so surprised, since she hadn’t seen her since Monday, and yet here she was. Immediately heat rose vividly in her cheeks, her spine glowed with gentle warmth. The girl had a gym bag at her feet, She wore dark sportswear, and a dark red tanktop. Her matching windjacket laid over her right arm, she looked up with closed eyes, seeming to enjoy the quiet darkness just as she herself had done. Her profile was soft yet sharp at the same time. Sofie bit her lower lip, noticed the sweat on her forehead. It reflected subtly in the ceiling light inside the booth. 

Eventually she lowered her gaze from her gorgeous face, and observed her chest and biceps closely. Her skin shone gently there too, she swallowed quietly as nervousness grew. Her entire face turned so warm, her breath shook. She was even more beautiful than she remembered, her hands were big and broad. Still her arms and neck were strong, and her brown skin looked so soft and inviting, she swallowed again. Say something, do something, she shouted at herself. In her shock she stayed quiet. And then the girl looked at her.

In the shadows of her brows her amber eyes looked darker with a warm brown color. Sofie noticed one of her eyes being slightly swollen underneath, and a dark mark along with it. A black eye? She blinked calmly, her expression was neutral, then her brows frowned gently and she said:
“I remember you.” 

Sofie sat up straight, the sound of her voice thrilled her, she quickly pushed her bangs completely out of the way. Observed her expression changing and her eyes growing more focused. She looked for the kindness and warmth from her memory, longed for it with all her might.
“You do?” She responded hesitantly, her stomach jittered gently. She began to slowly move her hood down.
“Yeah, you’re that girl I yelled at.” She said in a deep tone, still her voice was thin and endearing. Her gaze lowered, seemingly with regret. The softness in her eyes re-appeared. It made her spine glow gently. God, there it is.
“And then you apologized? I remember.” Sofie added, and pressed her lips together. The girl looked up again, the tenderness in her eyes made her vertebra vibrate. She even smiled just a little bit. Sofie’s stomach fluttered hard, and she sighed hard and fast. My god was she beautiful up close.
“I uhm.” She uttered timidly, she felt her body sweating a tad in the tension.
“I hope you don’t have a bad day today as well.” She added, and tried to control the intensity of her closed smile. Her nerves made her build sentences so clumsily. The girl grinned wider and lifted her arm towards her right. The sight of her soft smile made the fluttering persist in her stomach.
“Maybe, but not anymore.” The girl said gently. A rush entered her body, she looked down and grinned. Gentle bliss rose in her chest, was that some sort of compliment? A flirt? As if she said: ‘Oh I’m not having a bad day anymore, now that you’re here.’ She felt herself blush vividly and met her eyes again. How easily would she say something like it back? ‘Well my day is amazing now, that I’ve finally met you again!’ What bliss it’d be to just tell her everything. Would she like it? Be flattered by everything she felt? Or would she withdraw from her intensity?
“I mean..” Added the girl and looked to her right, seemed a bit unsure in her gaze.
“‘Cause I’ve been working out and all.” She added seemingly timidly with her beautiful thin voice. Sofie barred her eyes open for a moment, a strong radiant heat prickled in her entire face. Had the girl seen the assumption on her face? Or seen her daydream reflected in her expression? She lifted her head back and started to laugh loudly out of pure embarrassment. She raised her hand from her lap, stroked the bangs already out of her face some more. It took her a few seconds to force herself to be quiet, before staring back at her again. The girl’s face was relaxed, her expression seemed gentle. And her eyes were more tender than she had ever seen them before. She must be somewhat surprised by her laugh, though her eyes were still focused. Was it her imagination, or was there something in the air between them? A quiet tension tightening her chest with nervousness. In the silence she stared quietly, as if expecting something.

Sofie swallowed as her spine shivered softly, and cleared her throat. She looked down for a moment and lifted her right hand, readied it to be shaken. It was just a simple conversation, she told herself to calm her nerves. In her dreams touching her felt magical, she had to know what it actually felt like. Her mind rushed with the countless times her parents had reached for her, given her fright by their direct touch. So the softness was there in her eyes, was it too on her skin? Did she keep the tenderness in her strong beautiful hands as well?

“I’m Sofie. It’s nice to see you again.” She said quickly, and held her hand up. She hesitated the moment she finished speaking. Nice to see you again? Keep it together, she said to herself in her head. Grew a bit angry for a moment, she didn’t want to seem too forward, too desperate. Though that was indeed what she was, she admitted. The girl gazed down at her hand and frowned her brows.
“You want to shake my hand?” She asked hesitantly, Sofie kept her hand up and nodded. The odd question posed a sad reality, it threw her off a bit. Did people avoid her touch? Her stomach sank by the sullen notion.
“Yes?” She responded, but she couldn’t help but smile. 

The girl lifted her strong arm, and hesitantly moved her big broad hand to hers. She shook it slowly, as if to make sure her reaction wasn’t negative. Sofie grinned with her teeth, her cheeks prickled hotter. The sensation of her hand was far softer than she had anticipated. The movements of the handshake quickly became electric. Her touch felt so warm it made her spine suddenly radiate with hot shivering light, it grew out from her spine like a cloud, spread inside her lungs. She nearly gasped as a hard potent joy rose from her stomach, and entered her breath from below. Like a sun rising in the horizon, warm potent happiness returned to her body. Her heart started beating faster, even her mind processed it so intently time slowed down. Oh my god.
“I’m Runa.” She said slowly, and stared her in the eyes while she nodded. Immediately her mind flickered with the sensation to pull it closer, press it against her face, lean against her, anything. But then the girl let go of her hand and placed it on her lap, Sofie’s mind calmed down in the vacuum of her touch. She felt tempted to grab it again. ‘Wow your hand is so strong, yet soft.’ She’d so easily say. But instead she moved her own hand down as well, and rested it on her own lap. She looked down for a moment, processing her beautiful name. Runa? She smiled and swallowed. It fitted her so well.
“So what kind of training have you been doing?” She asked timidly, and gestured down at the gym bag. She desperately tried to keep the conversation going, and sighed while awaiting her answer, her breath still shook in the silence.
“Boxing. First time today actually.” Runa replied after a few moments, she lifted her wide hand to the right again. Sofie looked to where she gestured, assumed the dark building on the other side of the road was a fitness center. Then she looked back and met Runa’s eyes again. 

They still observed her closely, though she was obviously skeptical, the softness lingered still. Still some kind of expectation loomed between them, her cheeks prickled so hot. It was almost too much to look straight at her. But she knew she’d regret it if she didn’t take in as much of her presence as possible. Her entire torso felt so warm, she could feel herself sweating just a little despite being outside. Somehow it felt like they’d leap at each other impulsively, both awaiting some kind of signal like a nod. She felt her torso trembling desperately for it. Still her breath and heart beamed with potent light, while her spine and fingers prickled and shivered with tension.
“I take singing classes, over there.” She said quickly, and moved her head to the side and gestured towards Marius’ Music School. Runa gazed that way for just a moment, before looking back at her.
“You sing? That’s nice.” She commented and smiled softly to her, still with gentleness in her gaze. Sofie looked down, sighed hard again and nodded to her. Something screamed from deep within: When you meet me again, never let me go. It was from that dream. The leap had to happen somehow, she craved it with a burning intensity. She closed her eyes for a moment, readied herself for the gamble she was about to make. She wanted her so much, every ounce of her body craved not only her touch; but everything else about her. Longing to be embraced and enveloped by her beautiful body, her warmth, and her glowing soul peeking out her wondrous eyes. It felt silly to want them to look at her indefinitely, to know her and adore her. ‘Change me’, she wanted to say. ‘Change my life for the better!’

“Soo..” She said timidly, and opened her eyes, gazing carefully up at her. Runa began to look around, it seemed her focus was slipping, or maybe she was nervous too? It was now or never.
“I was wondering if maybe.. I could have.. your number?” She asked slowly, and tensed her shoulders. Runa moved her head and faced her quickly. Her attention laser focused on her, while her eyes narrowed. And her brows tightened in a subtly angry expression.
“Why would you want to have that?” She asked with sharp pronunciation. ‘Because I want you!’ Sofie tightened the cheek-muscles inside her mouth, a slight panic pressed at her spine, she didn’t seem to like that. She had to tread carefully now, so she looked through her mind for the most subtle words she could find. Perhaps that need to jump on her was just that, her own need. An illusion of the mind, fabricated in her presence by her unhinged longing. ‘You’re exciting, riveting, beautiful..’ No, that was way too intense, she sighed deeply.
“Because… you seem interesting?” She finally answered so hesitantly. Runa lifted from her seat for a bit, and looked around quickly with much intensity. Was she waiting for someone? But then she sat down again, and her shoulders sank.
“I donno.. I really shouldn’t.” She replied hesitantly, yet somehow also so sullenly. Sofie looked away, and frowned. A slight pressure attempted to push tears into her eyes, she sighed and concentrated, and forced it back. It was indeed all an illusion of her feeble hormonal mind.
“Oh.. Well, that’s okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She replied mournfully, couldn’t hide the disappointment in her tone no matter how hard she tried. 

Of course not, she herself was just a stranger at a bus stop. Runa didn’t know her, nor care about her. What was she thinking? This is just a silly one-sided crush, nothing more. She regretted asking for it now. So she sighed hard and kept her eyes to the ground. Even if she herself wanted to change, wanted her, she couldn’t force her. The realization made her chest hurt. Such an intense and vivid girl wouldn’t want to be poisoned by her own cowardly and quietly gloomy disposition. Of course it wasn’t enough, just to want her. She felt a lump in her throat, and a heaviness in her chest rising.

But then she heard Runa sigh a quick sharp breath, before she lifted her broad dark hand, and opened it towards her.
“Fine, gimmie your phone.” She said in an annoyed tone. Sofie looked up at her, their eyes met again. She expected her to look annoyed as well. But instead her expression was apologetic, and her smile gentle, with tender warm eyes and slight glee shining from within. It made Sofie glow in her entire upper body once more, happiness burst and filled her so brightly, she had no chance at hiding that either. She grinned hard with her teeth, her cheeks warmed up prickling with burning snow. 

Hurriedly she picked her phone out of her pocket, and found her contacts entry. She quickly gave her the phone, their fingertips brushed against each other. Her spine tingled for just a moment. Runa held it in her broad hands, and looked down at her phone and pressed the numbers carefully into it. Gently she gave it back to her, their fingers touched again. This time her stomach fluttered by the sensation. Sofie looked at the screen, saw her name and number. A car pulled up in front of them, tore her away from it and gazed up at Runa again. She stood up beside her, grabbed her sports bag quickly and pulled the handle over her right shoulder. Sofie looked up at her, her smile faded by the realization. She was leaving already?

“This is my ride. I guess I’ll… hear from you.” She said hesitantly, and squeezed the handle on the bag, before she looked down to the side. Sofie nodded to her and smiled.
“Yes you will, thank you.” She responded happily and felt herself tear up. Runa gazed down at her with big surprised eyes, then she sighed and her gaze changed to something soft and tender again. The look of it made the sun spread warmly in her like a cloud. With a glowing spine her cheeks grew hotter. Runa turned towards the dark red volvo, opened the passenger door, and got in quickly. She threw the bag behind herself inside the car. The pale balding man behind the wheel talked to her, Runa looked back at her from the window. Sofie saw her mouth move, and gave her one last smile before she left. Runa stared at her with a confused expression, but grinned back at her. The car moved slowly forward, Sofie looked down at her shoes. The front lights disappeared when they drove off. And so, it became quiet just like before. But now, the world had changed.

She relaxed where she sat, and let her shoulders down. I did it Dad, I actually did it. She looked up and grinned, closed her eyes and felt a quiet high rising around her beating heart. Oh my god, that felt so good. Her mind flickered with the fresh memories of her gaze, her smile, and her strong soft hands. She opened her eyes and looked at the stars. Runa wasn’t just out there in the world somewhere anymore, now there was a link between them. She looked down at her phone again, stared intently at her name. Runa, your name is Runa. She clicked on her number on her cellphone, chose to text her right away, and quickly pressed down on the other buttons. Most letters needed at least a couple of clicks to show up on the screen. Cluncily they appeared before her.

| Hi it’s Sofie :) |

She looked at it for a moment, then she pressed send with the round button in the middle. The text message closed, she pressed the phone against her chest. Now she has her number too. So sharply her phone buzzed and beeped twice. She looked down at it. Grinned and blushed, there was her reply:

 Runa:
—-----
| hello |

*

Suddenly she sat there, staring at her with those big eyes, smiling to her so sweetly. Slowly gentle warmth had creeped up from beyond the veil. Like a flame flickering in moist fog, emerging more vivid by every passing second.

When she somehow made the girl laugh, it all came rushing back in an instant. Her laugh rolled and rose in the most endearing way. And her wide smile made her spine quiver, not with fear but with warmth. It made her face prickle, had her heart beat just a bit faster. Her straight white teeth were smooth and youthful, her lips lifted and stretched around them in a shape so divine. And her cheeks gathered on each side above them, with dimples on each cheek. Her bright eyes like skies closed in a genuine smile, after the girl had looked at her with a gaze so focused and warm; it was shocking. She even saw a hint of pink on her cheeks. Nobody had ever looked at her like that before.

And then she wanted to touch her hand so eagerly, it didn’t feel real at all. When their hands touched she had lingered for just a moment, the girl had cold fingers and soft skin. As she felt her cheeks prickle she had thought: Fucking hell. That tension had risen between them again, like she wanted something from her. She didn’t trust it for a damn second, something had to be wrong. Even more so when she asked for her number, she got to have someone spying on them, tricking her? But they were alone, and the mere hint of a no made the girl’s face drop. She had expressed the most genuine disappointment, it made her feel sorry all over again. So despite it all, she had given it away. Texts that told her to kill herself, phonecalls in the night, laughing and screaming at her. She saw it flash in front of her as she pressed the buttons on that little black and white cellphone of hers. After giving it back still the expectation loomed, she had been so tempted to just ask: ‘What do you want from me? I’m not interesting, so then why do you want it?’

When Harrald arrived she had left so quickly, the nervousness had made her shoulders tighten. That girl, Sofie, had stared up at her so happily. She even teared up for a moment, though it must have just been the lights around them tricking her. It was overwhelming still. 

When she got into the car she said:
“That girl over there just asked for my number.” Harrald smiled, they looked over at her through the window.
“What? She did? And did you give it to her?” He asked eagerly. Runa just couldn’t believe it, even if it had just happened. They drove off quickly.
“Yes I did, shit I’m so dumb.” He patted her shoulder.
“Now now, this could be good.” She lifted her hand up beside him.
“And she greeted me with her hand, her hand!” Runa yelled as the realization hit her. Lampposts and houses passed by and made the darkness dance around them. Harrald touched her shoulder more softly, it helped her sigh the tension out her lungs and relax a bit.
“You know, most people do that? But I get what you mean.” He responded softly, his tone was bright and joyful.
“I know. But I don’t even know why she’d want to have it, I even asked her why. Fuck I’m lame.” Runa continued, Harrald let go of her shoulder.
“You did? What did she say?” He asked quickly.
“She said : Because you seem interesting. Can you believe it?” She replied and grinned. Her phone buzzed, she moved herself back and found it in a side pocket of her gym bag. Read it out loud to him.

47+90685432:
—-------------
| Hi, it’s Sofie :) |

“And now she texted me, it says: Hi it’s Sofie, and a smiley face. That’s her name, it is definitely from her!” She spoke loudly while her shoulders tensed again, this time in nervousness. He laughed, and said:
“Well, say something back.” She hurriedly wrote:
| hello | and sent it. After she relaxed in the car seat, realized she had forgotten to put on her seatbelt, so she put it on quickly. I’m interesting? That can’t be literal.

“What does it mean when someone says you’re interesting?” She asked him, now calmed and less joyful. Doubt began to creep in instead. It could still be a very elaborate prank, she went to her old school after all. And besides, a girl that pretty must have so many friends she could do prank calls with. Probably got boys lining up to be with her, it already felt like a cruel joke.
“When a girl asks for your number, and then says you’re interesting? Come on now, what do you think it means?” He replied and laughed. She looked down and thought hard. Looked back at the fresh memory, visualized her genuine beautiful smile. Remembered the pink blush on her cheeks, her bright blue eyes narrowing as she laughed. She had seen it in movies, guys asking for girls’ numbers at bars. Was that really it? She herself wasn’t much to like, so big and bulky and ugly, trampling everywhere she went so gracelessly. Angry at the world for giving her life and suffering. Fuck she’s going to realize how bad I am. No it has to be something else, something more logical. If not a prank then, what?
“It means she likes you, at least enough to want to get to know you.” Harrald added, she looked up at him. It didn’t seem real. No way a girl like that was actually interested in her?
“Nooo, really? You’re sure?” She asked hurriedly, her doubt and surprise made it feel so impossible.
“Yes I’m pretty sure.” He said happily, then he paused and nudged her shoulder with his own.
“So? Did you, you know; like her a little bit?” He asked, gently teasing her. She looked at him and frowned playfully before gazing down. Her cheeks grew warm again. She smiled and let herself bask in the possibility. As if none of the false love letters or prank texts and calls had ever happened. She shoved it aside in her mind, felt her stomach flutter and said:
“Yes, I think I did.” She lifted the phone up in front of her again, held in on her name in the message entry, a small pop-up appeared with four options:
—-----------
        Call
        SMS
        Add
        Block
—-----------
She pushed the downwards arrow button twice below the green little screen, pressed the one in the middle and selected: Add. Her number popped up with a name entry, along with a small vertical like blinking, ready for her to write it in. She started pressing the buttons:
—------------
47+90685432:
—------------
        Sofie
—------------
Cancel  |  Add
—------------
She paused at the screen, stared at the: Add. It was already too late, if this was going to break her all over again, then this was the beginning. An impulsive gesture, giving in solely because she was so pretty. Runa closed her eyes, sighed, she already knew this’ll hurt more than the last. Somehow her mind fell back to the dark shore, seated alone on the rocks listening to the waves rushing gently back and forth. Trying to remember her face, crying when she couldn’t. She had avoided it, walked angrily home and shut it out. Having those soft features return to her face amidst all that blonde hair had been a relief. Whatever made her laugh had really made her feel something. There had been a tension between them, looming in the air, and inside her chest. Though not trusting it still, she decided to ride this wave out. Change wasn’t all bad, boxing had turned out well, to her surprise. So she selected the: Add, and pressed the button down. And then the pop-up faded, only her own reply remained.

Hello, she could’ve said more than that? She wanted to see if she’d write to her first, test her. It’d be interesting to see, she felt her cheeks prickle. Though the memory of her wide smile and blushing cheeks would rest in her mind for quite a while, she knew. If that's all she’ll get, that was fine too. So she lowered the phone and looked out the window, sighed hard as sadness slowly creeped up again. Daring to hope even just a little hurt, had her chest ache. She saw the reflection of herself in the window as houses and trees passed behind it swallowed by darkness. At her strong jaw and cheekbones, her big brown eyes and small nose and mouth. Who’d ever truly like a face like that?

*

Sofie laid in her bed, the room was dark and warm. It wasn't night just yet, but she didn’t care. She closed her eyes with her naked body under the covers. The door was locked, she felt desire rise within her, still in awe she grinned and focused. Runa, a strong name, for such a strong girl.
“Your name is Runa.” She whispered to herself and looked to the side, having placed the cellphone next to her head. As if it made Runa closer to her somehow. Her fresh memories played in her mind, she moved her hand down to her naked smooth groin. 

Runa looked up towards the light and her forehead glistened, her straight nose, perfectly shaped in the middle of her face. With eyes closed, and an expression so relaxed. Her strong neck breathing, along with her chest moving up and down along with it. Sofie moved her middle and ring finger against her vulva, by every stroke she gently touched her clitoris. Soft pleasure emitted from it, her breath grew heavier. She moved her head to the other side. Runa, your name is Runa. Her strong shoulders and biceps glistening as well, the tone of her skin so beautiful. The curls in her hair, so cute and small. Her eyes opened near her. She imagined those warm irises not swallowed by shadows, but glowing from the light above as if it was the sun shining on them. The amber color set a fire in her chest. The moment their hands touched, she could nearly feel that electric sensation. Oh god, the softness of her palm and broad fingers. Sofie bit her lip, her breath grew sharper. The warm pleasure rose strongly, gathered into a point, she stroked faster. The tenderness in Runa’s eyes after she laughed, oh god those big hands holding her phone. It was so small in them, even the whites of her palms were darker than her own skin. She had smiled at her, had looked at her so tenderly, oh god. Her cheeks had tightened around her smile in the most endearing way, again her top lip had moved up and made her lips look slightly thicker. 

Sofie imagined that she pressed herself against them with her own lips, the pleasure spread from the point at her groin to the rest of her pelvis. It waved back and forth like the ocean, gradually rising and falling with the most wonderful warm pleasure. Slowly it felt like a warm bead replaced her clitoris, filling up with something warm and tingling. She opened her mouth in the darkness, saw their tongues meet in her mind. Observed Runa’s hand slowly moving down her body, and pressing at her groin with her broad soft hands. The pleasure began to linger by each wave. She lifted her head up, closed her eyes harder. Oh god Runa. The bead burned with potent pleasure, as if filling with lava. She could lick the sweat of her neck, press herself against her breasts, feel her strong arms around herself, and have her on top of herself. Heaving in sweat and warmth, softness and tingling pleasure. She tried to imagine the expression she would make, if it ever came to that. How her brows would curve, and her eyes would relax, the look of her mouth when it opened in an expression of pleasure. ‘Oh Sofie’, she’d say. ‘Do it more.’ Anything for you Runa, anything for you! The image alone made her thighs tighten, she curved her back under the covers. Her skin turned damp, her fingers glided in the movements. 

The fluids between her lower lips were smooth as if jello melted into a liquid. She wondered if she would ever feel that between Runa’s legs. That firmness and warmth, along with softness and wetness. How far she’d gape with curved brows and gasps so wondrous. It sent her over the edge, the pleasure made her thighbones and lower vertebrae glow gently. Oh god Runa! The bead burst into vapor, slowly engulfing her pelvis in white. She moaned in a whisper, the cloud spread in an instant and covered her in bright shining light. For just a few seconds it took over her body, her eyes turned up beneath her eyelids. Inside her chest her hot heaving breaths turned sharper and slower. In the tingling cloud her pelvis and upper thighbones erupted into harder pleasure. Moans slipped out, her mind emptied completely and she began to jitter. Then she let go.

Her breath was heavy, she felt a gentle ache in her muscles, and frowned her brows in determination, more. I need more. While still heaving, she pushed two fingers against the slippery fluids, between the lips and down inside. She lifted her torso with her ankles, and pressed them hard in and shook them inside. She barely managed to move them upwards in this difficult angle. Runa could lift her anywhere she liked, the pressure of her embrace while lifting her glowed in her mind. Kiss her anywhere she wanted, the gentle tickling touch of her lips pressing over her own breasts and stomach, hands and thighs. Put her tongue into her mouth, having their warm slippery tongues circle hard and fast amidst heaving breaths. Mmmm ooh, give it to me Runa! Sofie found the best angle she could, pressed another finger inside and gathered them. A different kind of pleasure rose from further within. She saw Runa’s sweaty body on top of hers, shaking and moaning and whispering her name. Oh god Runa, I’m yours, let me be yours, take me!

It had been a while since she had done it like this, and normally it took a while with great physical and mental focus to fall over the edge from the inside. But right now it took so little. The images of Runa’s face, hands, and body. It made it all so easy. Her body tightened harder, she curved her back more, her ankles cramped. She opened her mouth wide in the darkness. Her torso lit up harder with more potent ongoing pleasure. It rose like a hum inside her, the edge grew nearer. Her eyes opened in shock, it felt so much better than usual. It’s all because of you, Runa, she grinned. You and nobody else! She pressed her fingers back and forth inside herself much harder. A sticky sound came from it. Her hard breaths stopped for a moment, the pleasure became incredible. Runa opened her mouth wide in her mind, shook and moaned above her, whimpering her name. ‘Oh Sofie!’ The hum vibrated through her entire torso, gathering denser in her pelvis. The sun in her chest rose in full with bliss and depth, tingling pleasure erupted from the bead when it burst. Her pelvis shone in white yet again, tingled her bones and inside her pelvis. Glowing hard in her thighbones, her entire pelvis shone so brightly. She felt her spine shiver, the inside of her vagina contracting around her squirming fingers. A deep tingling dark dot spread like a drop of ink in milk. Then she moaned at an involuntarily high volume. Enough for someone to hear if they walked past her bedroom door. It tightened in her entire body, tickled in her brainstem for just a moment.
‘RUNAAA!’ She felt her face tightening and contorting while she squirmed slowly in her pleasure, her hand cramped, she removed it quickly, so fast it was over. Her orgasm fell so fast, but her heavy breaths remained.

Her mind had faded completely, all but for her beautiful name screaming through her. She rose from the cloud of desire and became more aware. Her body hurt, sweat covered her, she quickly removed the covers and let her body cool down in the damp air around herself. She felt the inside of her vagina contracting, each time it sent low pleasure where her orgasm had been. She grinned, felt lightheaded. It had been a while since she felt this good. And it was all because of her, that girl with eyes of fire, your name is Runa. Finally she had a name to shout in her mind, a word for this beautiful living being. She turned on the light on the nightstand, and looked at her slim glistening body. Couldn’t help but wonder for a moment what Runa would think of it, if she ever did see it. What she’d think about her heavy breasts, clumsy hips, slim arms and legs. For the first time she felt lucky to be beautiful. Anything to pull Runa into her embrace.

She looked to the side, her breath had finally calmed down. She stared at her cellphone. Now she had a way to tell her anything she wanted, to see inside her mind. She wondered what kind of person she was, probably for the hundredth time. Finally she had a way to find out.

So she dried the fluids of her right hand against the sheet, picked up the phone with both of her clammy hands, opened the SMS function and picked her name. Her fingers lingered on the buttons. There were so many things she wanted to write. Numerous compliments that could scare her away. She imagined herself jumping on her, sniffing desperately against her neck and begging to be ravished by her strong body. She shook her head and sighed, giggled at her own desperation. No, she had to keep it together. Wasn’t it a thing to play coy with someone you like? But that didn’t feel right either. She looked through her mind again, found the least intense words, and pressed them down on the buttons. The letters emerged slowly on the screen. She made sure to spell everything perfectly on this clunky little device. Every dot, colon, comma or uppercase letter demanded more clicks. Everything had to be perfect.
| I’m thinking about you right now, can’t wait to get to know you. <3 |
She narrowed her eyes and frowned with insecurity. That was still way too much. It wasn’t even close to what she felt. Her chest heated up, nervousness knotted in her stomach. She was so desperate, was it pathetic? Undoubtedly. She couldn’t imagine a girl that powerful ever bothering to be insecure. All though, she could easily imagine teenagers to be cruel to her. Maybe she was like that for that reason? Was that why she was surprised she wanted to touch her hand? Because people avoided her? She sighed hard, pressed her lips together. Let there be no doubt for her then, let her intentions seep through her words so she knows how wanted she is. There was no other way for her to do this, so she shut her eyes, and pressed send. After, she put the phone away and turned around in the bed, faced the wall quietly in rising nervousness and tension. 

In the silence she grinned excitedly in her doubt, and wondered what went through Runa’s mind if she read it right now. A girl that masculine couldn’t be straight, right? And even then, she herself might not even be her type? Sofie pictured Runa seeing her message, thinking something like ‘yikes’ and never replying to her again. But if she did like her? Even just a little bit? The thought alone sent a shiver through her spine.

Her phone beeped after a few minutes, she turned around quickly, picked it up. Oh god, here is her answer. Her breath shook, she opened the text.
| me too talk tomorrow? :) good night <3 |
It made her sit up in the bed, a light pressure appeared behind her eyes. With a shivering spine her cheeks rose in heat. She gazed first at the ‘Me too.’ Me too, what?  ‘Me too, I’m thinking about you?' Or: ‘me too, I want to get to know you?’ But the heart made her soul soar.  She grinned and pressed the buttons quickly.
| Yes, talk tomorrow! :D Good night. <3 <3 |
Jesus christ. That was still so intense, but she was too happy to care. Pressed send and pushed the phone against her chest. Grinned widely in the dim lightt. Was this really happening? It felt like a dream, but she was wide awake. She laid down in the bed again, placed the phone beside her head, moved the covers over herself. Maybe she’d even dare to call her tomorrow, and hear her beautiful voice again? She sighed deeply, her grin remained on her lips. She hoped she dared, so very much.

-

Sofie sat by her desk with her elbow on it, leaned on her palm and sighed. As Heine the natural sciences teacher explained something she was normally captivated by, she stared out the window. The top of the fir trees swayed in the wind, she imagined Runa at her little school looking out the window, thinking about her. Her chest filled with warmth, she grinned with prickling cheeks. Today is the day, this afternoon she was going to text her again. She’ll finally see what was behind those beautiful eyes. Did those hearts mean she liked her back?

She imagined the radio waves invisibly stretching lines over a map of Norway, like on the weather forecast on TV.  The scandinavian peninsula poking out the western part of northern europe, bending like a tail from north to south, stretching down before splitting apart. Two heads at the bottom faced south, the forecast always enclosed Norway itself and all its mountains and islands stretching along the coast. Looking more like a tadpole, its head faced down, while its slim tail went up north. At the very top, far above the arctic circle, Havetown was, on the biggest island in the entire country; Membrisle. Over the peninsula lines of red and blue moved like patterns being dragged softly, being hot winds rising high or cold winds falling low. Along with the names of the towns and clouds or suns showing off the actual forecast. Along with the numbers showing the degrees celsius temperatures, in winter during the dark times, the suns would be cut in half. Taunting the northerners like herself, showing them if the sun had risen, it’d be a cloudless beautiful day. Thankfully, the sun still rose in the sky.

Just yesterday she had glimpsed today’s forecast, passing by the TV in the livingroom. Havetown in southern Streams county, rainy and cloudy, -2 degrees celsius. And Streamisle further north, -1 with rain. The county furthest up, at the northernmost part of the entire country, was Lapland, where the Sami lived. - 3.

In the evening sometime she’d be brave enough to call her. Those waves shot up from broadcasting towers, like the one atop Garcencity hill, beaming invisibly at satellites in orbit, where it’d come right back down to make her very own voice sound against Runa’s ear. ‘I like you so much, I can’t stop thinking about you.’ She’d hear Runa say and swoon with bliss. Just imagining it made her body yearn. Though it was quite unlikely.

“Sofie?” Heine said somewhat amused, she jumped and looked at him, everybody in the classroom turned and looked at her. Though they normally would anyway, since she sat in the front. Something she had no choice over when she first arrived here. A protective measure, she assumed.
“Hm?” She replied.
“Do you know the answer to my question?” He added and crossed his arms. It was completely quiet.
“Uhm, can you ask it again?” She wondered apologetically, though she normally didn’t put her hand up to speak. The teachers always noticed her doing her best to pay attention, and she always knew the answer the few times she was asked directly.
“What animal family are humans classified as?” He asked her, her book was open. The chapter was about human evolution, she had read it quickly to herself in the beginning of class. But she already knew the answer beforehand.
“Hominids?” She answered timidly. He smiled and nodded.
“I was going for: Great apes, but that’s correct too, very good.” He said even more amused, Sofie sighed with relief.
“Okay so, the great apes. Can someone tell me the names of the four remaining great apes, that still exist in this world, apart from humans?” He looked away as he spoke, the attention on him faded quickly.

She lowered her shoulders, though she knew the answer to that too, she kept quiet. Silently she looked down at the book laid in front of her, there was an illustration comparing the anatomy and especially the silhouette of a human compared to an orangutan. It pointed out the differing armlengths, pelvises, brainmass, hands and feet, or lack there of. She put her finger down on the page, over the human. The muscles on the white man illustrated, she pictured Runa standing in his place. The daydream faded into gentle clouds of burning sulfur. She was the picture of health and strength, the muscles of her biceps, shoulders and back, and her strong legs, were all so immaculate. She wondered just how strong she was? What it’d feel like to have her strong arms around her waist, being lifted up? The sulfur spread in her chest like bliss made of burning rain. Her cheeks prickled as she grinned. Runa really seemed like the perfect example of a healthy specimen. Like she was carved in marble, or standing in first place in the olympics, even illustrated on boards in lecture halls and hospitals. As she stroked the page the yearning grew inside her. Or, she could just be right in front of herself. Beneath the apple tree her presence would be splendid amongst the steam and hot sunlight, shining into her burning eyes. She’d be standing as a complete human being, moving, feeling, thinking. Her body was an extension of her, a vessel for the fire burning in her eyes. If her hand was so soft despite being somewhat rough looking. How soft would the rest of her body be? She saw herself on that bus stop, holding her hand and moving it up to her own face. Pressing it against her own cheek, focusing on the softness of her dark skin. ‘Oh Runa, you’re so soft, please, come closer.’ She’d whisper to her. ‘You’re so beautiful.’ Her stomach fluttered, she grinned and looked to the side away from everyone. Today she’d hear her voice again, she had already decided. She was going to dare, going to call her up. She was so nervous about it already.

Heine sighed and spoke, woke her from the most wonderful daydream;
“Okay the class is officially over, have a nice lunchbreak.” She closed the book and pushed it to the side. Usually she’d put her book into her locker after everyone else, since all the lockers clustered against the western wall of the classroom. Today she decided to wait.
“Hey, are you okay? You seem distracted today.” Artur whispered, Sofie moved her bangs to the side and looked at him. His eyes grew big for a moment, she grinned back at him.
“Yes I’m fine.” She replied quickly. Artur smiled back at her, he didn’t seem to want anything from her, even if he maybe liked her. Somehow thinking about Runa made her hopeful in the present, hopeful for the future. In her peripheral view she observed Amelie staring at her, she turned her head and looked straight into her eyes. For the first time she dared to look back openly. The girls looked surprised at her, as if her looking at them was a spite on them. Benedikte’s gaze was as always so cold and somewhat angry. Sofie looked away, and grabbed her lunchbox and bottle from her backpack. For once she had some appetite, but her stomach though hungry, began to sink inside her. Why did those girls keep staring at her? Where they actually angry at her? But why?

As she took a bite of a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo inside, she observed Andre talking with Elise, Benedikte and Amelie. The trio of doom, they whispered to him yet again. She caught their eyes, Benedikte with her blonde hair and green eyes narrowed them in anger at her. Artur seemed to see it too, she sighed and looked over at him. He wasn't surprised, Sofie tightened her brows and stared firmly at him.
“Artur, do you know what they’re talking about?” She asked him. He shrugged and said carefully:
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” She looked at her food, placed it down into her lunchbox again. He knew something. With hands jittered slightly. she fell back into her mind again. This time observing the countless times at this school teens had stared at her and whispered, that those girls had gazed at her with anger almost every day. In her naivety she must have misunderstood it. Though she covered herself as much as possible, somehow she figured; her hollow beauty was the culprit. That’s what she assumed at her old school as well, when she developed so suddenly. But this wasn’t eighth graders not knowing what to do with her suddenly blossoming breasts. Not the catalyst for a chain reaction leading to her breaking. These were tenth graders, they needed more reason than that to despise someone, right? Did they know something? Her appetite faded, and her spine zapped hard with a cold shiver. What do they know?

Endre suddenly pulled a chair in front of her desk and sat down. Her bangs were still to the side, so he got a good look at her this time. Her stomach turned, she looked away quickly.
“Wow you really are super hot. So that’s how you did it.” He said, sounding so genuine it was chilling. He leaned back with crossed arms and giggled, looked amused at something behind her. She turned around and saw the girls staring at her, before sighing and looking over at Artur. He too seemed distressed, as if he knew what was coming.
“So how many guys have you actually been with?” Endre asked rather nonchalantly. The girls giggled maliciously. Shock made her eyes open wide. She gasped, her shoulders lifted firmly, and her back straightened more.
“What?” She whispered carefully. Artur replied in her stead with an angry tone and yelled:
“Shut up! What are you doing!?” She looked over at him in her confusion, he looked back and said more calmly:
“You don’t have to answer him.” Her eyes remained wide, did he assume it to be an embarrassing amount? She tightened her brows, in both realization and despair. That’s what those girls had been whispering about? Rumors from her old school? What else had they heard? A hard chill went up her spine.
“Ten? Twenty? I don’t get why a slut like you would ever bother to lie?” Endre asked so cruelly, and leaned forward. Lie? She stared at him intensely for a moment, lie about what? Being a slut?
“That’s why you dress like that isn’t it? Because you know everyone here knows that you..” Artur put both his hands forward and slapped the desk with his palms. Sofie jumped by the sudden sound.
“Shut up!” He yelled louder.
“What!? I’m just curious!” Endre responded quickly and grinned, stared down at her mouth.
“I mean, look at those big blow-job lips. I bet she’s so good at giving them.” He said calmly, his lip moved up in his grin and sneered at her quietly. The girls giggled louder, as if she deserved every word coming her way. She gasped with an angry expression, got up and ran out the classroom. She entered the hallway, her breath gained speed and intensity. And her hands jittered quicker, she ran to the bathroom, but the door was locked.

She groaned in a whisper and shook her arms and hands in a panic. Ran out to the stairwell, the red sofa already had teens sitting there. They stared at her with big eyes, three boys and two girls. Their gazes turned to anger, for what? Her mind shrieked so frightfully in the silence.
“Fucking bitch.” One of the girls said. She ran past them, as terror rose inside her. Hurriedly stepped down the main staircase and into the big hallway on the second floor. Past the entrances to the teacher’s lounge and the library. She ran into a small hallway with a lone bathroom for wheelchair users. Quickly pushed down the doorhandle, but it too was locked. Oh my god! She groaned louder while panicking, and pushed herself against a single door leading to the outside. Her spine shot with chills, her stomach tightened in hunger and terror.

There was a steel staircase with a ramp next to it. She stood still in frozen panic. Her mind flickered with the look and smile Endre had given her, that expression she had seen numerous and amplified when the hallway had closed in on her. Her eyes barred open, tears gathered silently in her eyes, her face stiffened up and froze. Her shoulders, neck and hands tightened in a quiet hold, forcing her to a standstill. Her brain shrieked harder, her terror poked out her brain through her eyes. She gasped hard, broke out of the frozen state, and started hyperventilating. As she blinked the tears fell, she looked around herself. Apart from the kids playing in the junglegym or soccer pit in front of her, she was alone and sighed with relief amidst her quick breaths. 

She closed her eyes, her knees felt weak. Gently she sat down against the cold metal, through her skirt she could feel it stealing her warmth to become solid. She put her head in her hands and made herself breathe slowly. 

The children’s laughter, cool fall air, trees rustling. Runa could sit down beside her, put her beefy arm over her shoulder and back, pull her close. Her eyes gathered with tears as her panic attack calmed down, she sobbed quietly as her numb face gained back its feeling. Oh god Runa, have you heard it too? She couldn’t help but wonder and let go of her face, looked at the trees and the hill above them. She sobbed quietly, sniffled and shut her eyes. Those horrible rumors didn’t have a sliver of truth to them, somehow they had spread here. Even though it made no sense that girls would dislike her for apparently being a slut. Something seemed off, she often had a hard time knowing why teens said and did the things they did. The rules had become so complicated. The older she got, the worse she was at figuring them out. She was missing something.

Would Runa dislike her too, even if it didn’t make any sense? It wasn’t impossible that students from GC2 had heard about it, they had gymnastics here at her school after all. She sniffled, sighed and bent over herself. Her breath had calmed, longing and insecurity lingered. She wondered if Runa would even bother getting to know her, if the rumors had spread? Despite her assumptions, the slight warmth of their planned conversation gave her strength. She realized she would make it through the day, could feel the difference right away. Runa with her big protective body would come down the hill, open her arms to her. ‘You poor thing.’ She’d say. ‘Come let’s get away from here.’ Sofie grinned and looked to the side, observed a lone birch tree by the road going up the hill. All its leaves had already fallen. They’d hug so tightly right there, her big arms would wrap around her. No matter what she had heard, she’d be smart enough to ignore it. Though she didn’t know where she lived, was it a nice place? Was it soft and warm like her? Her tears dried, she grinned as feeling regained in her face fully, she felt her cheeks prickled gently. Though this panic attack had been a small one, she noticed it. Something was changing, she recovered faster. Runa’s soft eyes of fire gave her the light and strength she needed, one day her big hand might stroke her cheek. One last tear fell from her eyes, her chest ached with longing. She reminded herself of the one positive about learning this rumor. There was a bright side. It could be so much worse, they could’ve known about so much more. They could have known the truth.

*

D: 21.10.05 T: 15:40 SMS chain:

Sofie: | Did you have a good day at school? :) |
Runa: | good? no uneventful yes. and u? |
Sofie: | That’s good. My day was not uneventful. |
Runa: | oh no how so? :( |
Sofie: | I discovered a terrible untrue rumor spreading about me all over school. And a boy was rude to me, bad day over all. :( |
Runa: | thats awful! D: wish u didnt go through that <3 rude to u how? r u ok? :( |
Sofie: | I try to hide myself but it didn’t work. I think they’re after me. One of them said some nasty things. I’m okay now, feeling better texting you. <3 |
Runa: | :O that sucks so bad :( what do you mean hide urself, like ur body? |
Sofie: | I hide my body and face with clothes and hair, otherwise bad things happen. Girls start disliking me too now. I don’t know what to do. :( |
Runa: | why would they do that? D: makes no sense |
Sofie: | The boys said I was pretty, that’s how it started at my old school too. But with the girls I think it’s because of the rumours. :( |
Runa: | they start bullying u cuz of some rumors and cuz they think ur pretty? >:( I mean u totally r, but still thats so unfair! |
Sofie: | You think I’m pretty? :o With the boys I don’t know if that’s actually the reason, but I think so. Do you have many friends? :) |
Runa: | yes u r very pretty <3 no friends, i’ve always been bullied too since forever. u should tell a teacher, it never worked for me. It probably will for u though. wish I could help u more :( |
Sofie: | Thanks, I think you’re pretty too. <3 Since forever? You mean since you were a child? And the teachers never helped you? That’s horrible and even more unfair. :( |
Runa: | shit u do? nobody has ever said that before :o and yes many schools fostercare in many places. arrived here at 13 home was nice school was awful. switched from ur school to gc2 after summer. it’s a special school cuz im adhd and dumb. it sux more. nobody ever helps but I get it Im alot lol, besides im strong now ;) |
Sofie: | :O That’s horrible, I’m happy your home is nice, but bullied at school everywhere, never getting help? No matter how much you are, no one deserves that! Poor you <3 Wish to hug you right now :( I moved to this school because of the same thing that is beginning to happen right now, only it was way worse before. Sorry I’m such a bummer, we can talk about something nice? You do look so strong. Do you lift or something? :D <3 |
Runa: | thanks ur so nice :) <3 a hug would be nice :( life is a bummer sometimes its ok lol. I work out alot but I dont lift so I donno how strong I am. what u doin today? |
Sofie: | You’re nice too <3 Oh I bet you are super strong! :D You mean the rest of today? Watch tv with family later I guess, dinner soon, boring stuff. And you? :) |
Runa: | me too maybe after dinner we can call? :) |
Sofie: | YES we can call! :D Good idea! Can’t wait <3 Dinner’s ready, talk to you later, bye. :) |
Runa: | ok talk soon, bye :) |
16:18:
Runa: | Dinner too call u after |
16: 23:
Sofie: | Ok. :) |

*

Runa laid in her bed on her stomach. It was bigger than she needed, her parents really tried their best to make her comfortable. She had a black little Nokia in her hand. Sofie’s number was up and ready, all she had to do was press the green phone button, and the call would start. She felt herself blushing while a knot tied itself in her stomach. During their texts Sofie had told her she was pretty, nice and that she wanted them to hug. She slowly began to doubt her intentions, this is too good to be true. The hearts, the compliments, it was too obvious, too intensional. It made her face prickle with heat, had her stomach flutter and her to chest warm up. This girl was way out of her league, by miles and miles. She swallowed, closed her eyes. Just how likely is it that this is some very elaborate prank? The moment she picked up her call, she’d find out. The deception from the past had clues from the very beginning she was too naive to see. Will it be so this time? Or did she have the experience to tell the difference? She opened her eyes. Knew she should try her best not to be so gullible, and not to reveal anything too private. She pressed the button, pushed the phone against her ear and sighed hard. It rang twice, and then she picked up.

“Hello?” Sofie said in a calm comforting tone.
“Heeey, what’s uuup?” She cringed by her words and tone, couldn’t think of anything else to say, her tone was way too enthusiastic. Sofie giggled on the other end. The sound of her laughter sent a shiver up her spine. It wasn’t malicious, only gleeful. She wasn't used to hearing such good natured laughter.
“What?” Runa asked rhetorically and grinned, acted offended. Sofie stopped and sighed loudly on the other end.
“Sorry, I’m nervous.” She said softly and lowered her tone. The smoothness of her voice was somewhat soothing. She had a surprisingly dark voice, the tones in her speech were musically inclined. Her stomach fluttered, it was beautiful.
“Me too, I donno what to say.” Runa replied hesitantly.
“How about we ask each other questions? ‘Cause I have many.” She suggested, Runa grinned, her chest felt heavy and warm. She said she was thinking about her yesterday, having her wonder about her wasn’t much of a stretch.
“You do? Like what?” She asked. Sofie cleared her throat.
“Like, how old are you? What’s your family like? What do you like to do for fun, and such?” She continued. Runa grinned, she was quite straightforward, but in an endearing kind of way.
“You make it sound like we’re on a date.” She joked nervously, cringed at herself yet again and turned around, laid on her back. She looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Sofie laughed her wonderful laugh as a response, it made her cheeks and chest heat up even more. It was such a beautiful laugh, fucking hell.
“Oh, yes it kinda does, well maybe this can be a first date kind of phone call then?” Sofie asked back. Runa opened her eyes wide, is this for real? It can’t be. Her stomach fluttered harder both with nervousness, and a proper budding crush. She finally let it, though it seeped out slowly, growing softly.

“Oh, okay. Uhm, well I’m sixteen. What about you?” She tried her best to sound as casual as possible, the knot in her stomach began to loosen. As if her soft voice untangled her nerves.
“Me too, just before summer vacation.” She replied.
“Wow, mine is just after. That’s not too far off. The day I yelled at you was actually my birthday.” Runa said and grinned, felt bad again for just a moment.
“Oh! So the tenth of August? Wow.” Sofie said rather quickly, which was odd.
“You knew that from the top of your head?” She asked amused. It can’t be because she yelled at her, that she remembers it so well? Shit, that makes it even worse.
“Yes, two very big things happened that day.” Sofie replied with a softer tone.
“Oh yeah? What was that?” Runa asked, she bit her lower lip in nervousness. Was it really because of her? Sofie sighed on the other end, was she hesitant to say how much she herself had hurt her feelings that day?
“Well..” She finally said.
“Firstly, that day I had my first panic attack. It was horrible and scary, and I didn’t know what was happening.” She said in a low hesitant voice.
“Holy shiiit.” Runa said, the knot tightened tenfold.
“That was why you were crying, and I yelled at you? Fuck, I’m so sorry.” She hurried to say, why the hell does she even want to talk to her, even through the phone? This could be the motive for an actual horribly elaborate prank. That’s what she deserves anyway. Serves her right for yelling at a crying girl. Even if she didn’t know she was crying until she looked at her. It’s still bad nonetheless.

“So you don’t think me having anxiety and panic attacks is like, a dealbreaker, or anything?” Sofie asked gently. Runa paused, this was not what she expected to hear next. She realized, this wasn’t about herself and her feelings at all, this was all about her. Runa sighed deeply, adjusted her mind very consciously.
“Dealbreaker?” She asked, thought for a moment. She’s testing me, for what? To be with me? She sighed hard, tried to focus. There’s no way.
“No, I don’t mind. I have it too anyways, I know how awful it is.” Runa ended it with and sighed.
“You do?” Sofie asked. “In what way?” Runa cleared her throat and swallowed, knew she didn’t want to say too much. But Sofie had shared such private information with her. It made the doubt fade.
“Oh well, I have nightmares sometimes and often get panic attacks then.” She replied, got a little mad at herself for being truthful. Sofie paused on the other end. Fuck here it comes, her mind screamed at her. The laughter, the reveal it was all a prank.
“That does sound pretty awful too.” Sofie replied timidly instead. Runa listened closely to the silence following it, there was no laughter, no quiet whispers. She sighed relieved and awaited whatever was coming next. She never thought she’d ever experience something like this, that she’d ever get this far. Then Sofie finally added so softly it made her heart skip a beat:
“I haven’t told anyone that before, only you.” She hadn’t even told her family? A weak sadness moved through her chest. Was she lonely then? Alone even in her home? Maybe that’s the reason she even bothers to talk to her, because she was lonely and desperate? That makes more sense, though why would a girl this pretty and nice be lonely or bullied? That part made no sense at all.

“Oh, well; thanks for telling me then.” She replied, sighed hard and turned towards the ceiling again.
“So, what was the second thing that happened that day? Something good I hope?” She asked in a forcefully cheerful tone. Heard Sofie giggle weakly into the phone, it made her stomach flutter again. Though she awaited her reply nervously.
“Well, it was you.” Sofie answered softly. It was as she feared, shit.
“Again, I’m so sorry.” She responded quickly. Sofie began to laugh properly again. The sound of it was spine tingling. She didn’t seem mad about it, why wasn’t she?
“No no, it was a good thing.” She said after, Runa sat up in the bed, focused in her confusion.
“That makes no sense. I yelled at you.” She commented. She heard Sofie sigh, pause, then breathe in:
“I was very vulnerable. And you were so..” She replied in a tone so hesitant it made Runa panic. So rude, ugly, scary?
“I was so, what?” She asked. Sofie remained quiet for a few more terrifying seconds.

“You were so beautiful.” She added finally. Her tone was almost apologetic. But a tenderness sounded as well. Runa barred her eyes open again, her cheeks warmed up so fast. This can’t be real. So she laughed, loud and hard, heard Sofie gasp.
“Are you for real?” Runa asked, clearly flabbergasted.
“Mhm.” She replied timidly. Runa giggled more.
“And I like your laugh.” Sofie added so very softly. Runa laid down on her bed again, turned to the side. Stared at the wall as she quieted down. Her entire upper body was so warm. This was actually for real?
“And yes, sure you yelled at me. But then you looked at me and you sincerely apologized. I was a stranger, and you cared enough to do that.” She added. Her tone lowered and grew even softer.
“That can’t be a rare thing? That’s so sad.” Runa replied. But she couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, sadly it is.” Sofie responded in a disappointed tone. Runa wanted to say something to cheer her up. She hadn’t really done this before, but she wanted to test the waters a bit.
“And besides, you weren’t just a stranger.” She said hesitantly, swore she could hear her smile.
“Oh? Why not?” She asked playfully. Runa grinned with hot cheeks.
“Yeah, ‘cause like; you were a very beautiful stranger.” She added clunkily with false confidence, and heard that wonderful laughter again. It lasted longer than all the others, making her soul soar. My fucking god. This girl actually likes me? It really didn’t feel real at all. The sound of it rolling almost in a rhythm made her stomach tingle and her chest to radiate.
“And I gotta say; you have the best laugh I’ve ever heard.” She added, anything to prolong that wonderful sound.
“The best one you’ve ever heard? Wow, thank you.” Sofie responded with such warm joy, it made Runa grin widely and firmly, still with prickling cheeks.
“After that I looked for you. But, you were always so far away. From the bus, from the parking lot. I didn’t want to.. intrude, either. But every time I got to see you, it made my day. Lately I’ve decided to reach out to you, but I haven't seen you in days. You seem so nice and warm, and you’re so beautiful. Sorry, I keep saying that, don't I?” Sofie continued and seemed to chuckle to herself at the end, playing it off as if it wasn’t groundbreaking. Runa got more surprised by every word this stunning girl spoke. There was a pause, she heard her sigh hard.
“You’re unbelievable.” Was all Runa could say in her shock.
“I mean, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same.. We just met, so I don’t expect you to. I just wanted to let you know how I feel.” Sofie spoke in a timid voice. The thought of the most beautiful girl she had ever seen, not expecting her ugly ass to like her back was so shocking and amusing; that she laughed again. Strongly and loudly. This was all so wild.
“Of course I like you back!” She responded while she laughed.
“Wow, do you really?” Sofie whispered with such bewildered joy, it made Runa giggle just a bit more. Her stomach fluttered hard, and her spine warmed up so brightly. She somehow seemed so surprised, it was endearing.
“Yes? I mean, I wouldn’t give my number out to just anybody. Simply because the last time I did; it was a horrible hurtful prank, I got harassed through the phone for weeks until I switched numbers. It was a whoole ordeal.” She continued as she calmed down. Her entire body shone with happiness and heat.
“Oh my god, that’s awful! No wonder you were so hesitant.” Sofie responded with such genuine sympathy, she began to feel a gentle pressure behind her eyes. Sofie actually seemed like a nice person?
“I promise this isn’t a prank. I really do like you, a lot.” She said so softly the hairs stood on her arms. Her face rose in heat, she felt her cheeks prickle like static, and her stomach fluttered like her belly filled with soft beads. Holy fucking shit. Am I dreaming?
“I like you too.” She whispered back hesitantly, as if she’d still be rejected. But Sofie’s grin sounded through her breath, and she moved and sighed. Runa teared up, this is actually happening? 

She didn’t know what else to say to her. But she wanted to tell her all the ways she was uniquely beautiful. Or to ask for a meetup, but instead she said:
“So..” And cleared her throat to stop the tears.
“What’s your family like?” There was barely any doubt left inside her, the sound of her voice somehow grew more beautiful. She felt something she hadn’t before, for anyone, it was an ache, a need? To see her? Be with her? The feeling was new in her chest, but she welcomed it. Here between them, there was room for it.
“Oh well. I have a nice enough family. I live with my mom and step-father, and little brother Olai. My biological dad died before I was born. I don’t know anything about him, but I look like him, I’ve been told.” Sofie said, she spoke as if she wasn’t the rarest kind of teenage girl. The kind that was beautiful enough to make friends, have boyfriends, be in cliques, be a mean girl. But, she somehow wasn’t. She was incredible. Runa grinned silently.
“Oh, that’s so sad.” She responded with compassion.
“No, it’s fine. I never knew him so.. “ Sofie responded.
“What are they like?” Runa asked, she wondered what her life looked like. What her room looked like. She wanted to be there beside her, wanted to know everything.
“My mother Lillian is a general surgeon at the hospital.” Sofie replied nonchalantly.
“Oh wow, a surgeon, that’s soo cool!” Runa interrupted. Sofie giggled.
“Yeah, she is very smart and kinda judgemental. She’s a Christian as well, but she’s very private about it.” She added.
“Are you a Christian too?” Runa asked hesitantly. Sofie started laughing.
“No way, religion is interesting and all. But I just don’t buy into it. Mom has never taken us to church or anything like that. Well, except for the morning of Yule.” Runa sat up again and sighed.
“Me neither. The world is too cruel.” She looked down and frowned. Sofie sighed on the other end.
“Yeah.” She whispered sullenly. Runa pressed her lips together, wondered what cruelty a girl like her could have been exposed to. Boys had been mean to her? She said she hides her body, was she harassed at her old school?

“And your step-dad?” Runa asked further.
“He’s a Doctor at a health center, he’s fun and kind. And Olai is eight, he’s a good kid. We live in a big white house on the hill. The inside is.. big and empty.” She said with glee, though her tone fell at the end.
“Empty? Aren’t you close with your family?” Runa asked carefully. She imagined caressing her hair. Wished she was there with her, despite its apparent emptiness. She wanted to fill her home with warmth.
“It’s not that I’m not close to them, they’re fine. We don’t talk very often. The way they found out about the… bullying at my previous school was because a teacher… called. And even then it was so unbelievable to my Mom especially. I think she was embarrassed. She’s a very proud woman.”
“Embarrassed? Why the hell would she be that? It’s not your fault you were targeted. How could it ever?” The moment Runa said it, something happened inside her. It was like two magnets finally stuck together, yet another moment of clarity opened her mind right up from beyond the veil. Screaming and pain, cold darkness and despair. Countless beatups and name calling at school, teachers getting frustrated with her. Tears pressed in her eyes. If Sofie couldn’t deserve it just by being a normal person, why would she? Maybe she truly never did? Why was it so difficult to remember this when she stood in the thick of it? How could she forget what that psychologist had said? 

She shook her head, tried to focus.
“Yes, she said some things that made me not want to talk to her anymore.” Sofie replied. Runa held back her tears, fought hard to have it not show in her voice. So much was happening within her. She cleared her throat.
“Shit Sofie, that’s terrible. You don’t have to share what she said, it’s okay.” She commented, turned her body to the other side, and faced her room. She began to imagine Sofie there with her. Sighed again, her room was such a mess. If she ever visited she would have to clean it. If they laid beside each other having this conversation, she was sure she’d be able to comfort her. She imagined it vividly, caressing her pale soft cheek, touching her long blonde hair. Her stomach fluttered in the daydream.

“Thanks, I want to but it’s kinda hard without telling you..” Sofie stated before pausing. Runa frowned and wondered; telling me what? Though it was nice she wanted to. Why share something without being ready to? She deserved her confidence least of all, acknowledged she had never comforted anyone before.
“She said that..” Sofie continued, sighed quickly and hard. Runa waited, braised herself. Her own mother, she vaguely remembered; had said such horrid things to her. She hoped whatever it was, that it was nothing like that.
“.. Well she gave me the impression that it was my fault, or that I had done something without meaning to, for it to happen. But it wasn’t an ideal situation..” Sofie said with careful somberness, then she sighed hard and continued:
“She has a habit of making assumptions to make sense of things, and I wasn’t exactly.. talkative..” Runa imagined if her own foster-mother had ever blamed her for any of the bullying. It made her chest hurt a little. She wanted to be with her again, ached to hug her, comfort her. It was such a new feeling, she was surprised how quickly it arrived to stay.
“That sounds so hurtful. I don’t see how it could be your fault, if you didn’t mean for it to happen.” Was all she could say. She curled up on the bed, Sofie paused again. She wondered what a girl that beautiful could’ve gone through? She was so hung up on how she had been mistreated, despite being objectively stunning. Somehow she had always thought the world only sucked for ugly people like herself, and that made some kind of sense. Sofie’s words shattered that notion, along with reminding her of that feeling she once got in that therapist’s office. Could how either of them have been treated have nothing to do with them? How they looked or acted really didn't matter? She had heard her parents say it many times, how they’re the ones insecure or hurting. Projecting that onto her. But it didn’t feel right, not completely. If Sofie could get bullied despite it all, then anyone could. Maybe it was true then?

“I know it’s not true, deep down, I think.” Sofie finally said in a sullen tone.
“But it still really hurts to think about.” She added.
“Oh I bet it does.” Runa commented.
“But after that, even if my mom asks if I’m okay, or if I’m doing well at school, I just... lie. I don’t want to talk to her anymore, not that we talked a lot before anyway. My step-dad is easier to talk to. But it still doesn’t happen very often. They’re both busy a lot.” Her voice was so timid and sad. The ache grew stronger, but what was there to do? She wasn’t there beside her. She didn’t even know if she could comfort her. She probably sucked so bad at it.
“God sorry I’m dumping all this stuff on you.” Sofie said a bit louder.
“No no, it’s okay. I donno why you choose to talk to me but, I’ll listen to whatever you wanna say.” Runa responded, she tried to sound cheerful for her. She heard a faint giggle and sigh.
“You know why.” She said softly, Runa felt her cheeks prickle again. her stomach fluttered ever so slowly once more. She had forgotten for a little bit, why all of this was even happening.
“Right.” She said, giggled a bit at herself for managing to forget something so groundbreaking so quickly.
“Sorry. I’m like a goldfish, I’m not very bright.” She added, Sofie sighed hard at the other end.
“Oh I don’t believe that for a second.” She said softly, her spine shivered. She got that tone again, like a tender hum seeped through her deep mellow voice. Something about it tugged at her chest, that alone made her feel this all was genuine. Nobody can fake something like that, she assumed.

“Do you think maybe you want to hang out this weekend?” She asked so gently. Somehow, now that she knew Sofie actually liked her, she grew braver. Even felt she knew the answer already.
“I would love that, but.. this weekend Olai has a big soccer tournament. He really wants me to come.” She replied in such a sorrowful tone. As if she longed to be with her too. The notion, despite it all; made her so happy.
“Oh, how about Monday after school then?” She asked with a very intentionally gleeful voice.
“Yes, that’s perfect.” Sofie replied with such joy, it made her laugh for just a few seconds.
“Great, I’m already looking forward to seeing you again.” She replied in a playful tone. Sofie giggled, it made her spine tingle gently.
“Me too.” She said and sighed lightly. 

Then Runa heard her move, she was probably lying in her bed too.
“So what about you? What’s your family like?” She asked somewhat playfully. It was nice to hear her mood improving so quickly.
“Okay so me and my foster-parents live in a tiny house by the sea. My foster-mother Marion is a librarian at the Main Library, and my foster-father Harrald is a music teacher at Havetown elementary school. They are the best parents I ever had. No siblings or whatever, I’m sure I take up all their energy.” Runa replied. Sofie sighed in a way that made her seem to smile.
“That’s so great. And can you talk to them openly if you have problems and such?” She asked. Runa turned to the side and faced the wall, moved her hand up and picked at the bedding beside her.
“Yes I can, with everything. Good things, bad things, they want to help so much. And they’re always on my side, they really are great parents. Before them, I didn’t think I could be loved by anyone, ever. But they sure proved me wrong.” She continued and grinned. Sofie moved again, must have been turning around.
“That’s wonderful. I’m sure you deserve them more than any other.” She said softly. Runa laughed nervously.
“Oh I don’t know about that. I can be a handful, and I don’t always feel.. deserving of their love.” She continued without thinking, it was met with silence. Shit, that was too much. She was ruining it already.
“Of course you are, how can you not be?” Sofie said somewhat desperately, as if she hurried to correct her. Was what she said that upsetting? Desperation filled her chest, she widened her eyes and continued impulsively:
“I donno, it’s just a feeling I have sometimes. That something is so obviously wrong with me, and everyone but me can see it. So every kind gesture, even from my parents; can feel deceiving. With you too, I’m just not used to it.” Runa closed her eyes. She was becoming so pathetic, such a buzzkill. Her life is so depressing. Why would a girl like this ever want to take part in it? Of course she’d throw that darkness onto her, so she could leave before it would hurt too much to see her go. That’s what she’s always done. Tears pressed behind her eyes again. She got angry at herself. Indeed she was just too lonely to hold back, of course this could be it. Anything and everything about herself was wrong, how Sofie hadn’t seen it by now was a fucking miracle. She’d find out eventually, right? Just how damaged she was. The magnets fell apart, the realization faded. 

“I try to be happy with what I’ve got. But even now, that feeling is right there all the time. I keep waiting for something bad to happen. And my bullies they say such awful things, begging me to kill myself. It’s hard not to want to, when I hear it every day.” She continued, knew she was ruining everything. Better now than later. She heard Sofie move around again, maybe she sat up? Tears ran down the sides of her face.
“Shit sorry, I know that’s a lot.” She added quietly as not for her voice to break and reveal her tears. Sofie sighed hard.
“No don’t say sorry, I wanna listen to you too.” She said carefully back. Then she sighed slowly and continued:
“And I get it, I feel it too. How we’re treated imprints on us, for good or bad. After what happened at my old school, it feels like I’m broken inside. I think everyone is out to get me, that they can see all the way inside me.” Her tone was low and sullen, her words slow and breaking apart. She felt her chest ache again, not just to be with her, but for her. What the hell had they done to her, for her to feel that bad about herself? She really was just a girl, broken within just like herself, lost in the dark. 

She listened in silence, Sofie continued now in a lighter more joyful tone:
“But then, when I met you, I was so surprised by your sincere apology. Your kindness was overwhelming, I’ve clung to it these past few months. You were the only one who ever apologized, and you didn’t even do anything actually bad.” She said so softly, Runa focused hard in her shock. How could she ever bring anyone anything good, even without meaning to? The apology was what did it? Her moment of weakness had been what this sad beautiful girl latched onto? They really did have that feeling of being wrong in common? She frowned, felt so sorry for her. Yet in this moment, it bound them together. The pain that tethered her to this world gained a golden thread. The instant they met months ago she could have stayed and talked to her, could’ve held her hand and comforted her. She stared up at the ceiling. She did the bare minimum in her shame, let her go the moment she vanished from her vision, or tried to anyway. Her eyes swelled with tears. She wished she had stayed. She should've done so much more.

“You’ve helped me more than you know.” Sofie added so sweetly, her words lit her chest up and broke it apart at the same time. Imagining her having but a fraction of the pain lingering inside herself, made her ache again. Tears gathered in her eyes so quietly. Her affection was a stroke of luck. The force of her kind nature, despite her suffering; moved something in her. Can people really be this good?
“How are you even real?” Runa whispered as a response, her sobs and sighs revealed themselves as she did.
“Oh no, Runa I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Sofie answered with an apologetic giggle. Runa grinned and chuckled with her, sniffled.
“No it’s okay, I’m fine. It’s just; I never thought anyone would ever like me like that. And you’re so sweet and kind too. I’m just really surprised. You’re so wonderful.” She responded. Sofie turned around again and sighed.
“I think you’re wonderful too. I wish I was with you, so I could hold you and talk to you all night long.” She said tenderly. Her sweet words coaxed quivers from between her vertebrae, lighting her belly and breath up with heat. The ache grew stronger. 

She let herself feel it with a new reality, reciprocation has never been an option before. Though something in the back of her head doubted her still, she believed her words. Now that she finally had it she yearned for it so strongly. Needs she had pushed down rose from far beyond the veil of her consciousness. She barred her eyes open and sighed. How she had yearned to have someone, to be with, and to feel against herself. To look into a person’s eyes and be stared back at with love. She cried quietly. Imagined Sofie gazing back at her, taking her hand willingly and holding it. What would her pale smooth skin feel like, if she touched her with her own bulky hand? Would she grin as she stroked her cheek? Her arms could embrace her, hold her as she cried. Her small hands could fold over her like a blanket, stroke deep into her chest where the pain lingered. It felt sharp as she freed herself from the restraints that had protected her. She’d press her so close, kiss her beautiful lips and feel their softness and wetness. Feel her entire body, her warmth, and her tenderness against herself. Tears fell from her daydream, amidst soft skin and sweet whispers she sobbed quietly. Her chest though bursting with warmth, hurt so much.
“Yeah, me too.” She responded nearly in a whisper. There was a pause again, in the silence she turned around and stared at the wall. Picking at the bedding, she sniffled while warm tears trickled down across her nosebridge, and onto the covers. She smiled through it all though.

“So, what do you like to do for fun?” Sofie asked in an apologetic tone. Runa stretched out her body and laughed, Sofie joined her. Her rolling laughter lifted her spirits as if it touched something inside her. The sound spread like hands against her skin, it was so beautiful.
“Well uhm, I quite liked boxing. And I really do work out a lot. There is an old exercise machine, and some workout equipment in the basement I use almost every day. I try to make myself as strong as possible, not that it actually helps. I still get my face beat in every other week. But apart from that, I donno. I listen to music a lot? I’m dumb so I kinda just walk around doing whatever.” She blabbered with eagerness and joy, though by the end she realized how boring she was. I really don't do much, do I?
“You don’t seem dumb to me.” Sofie commented gently. Runa blushed still, and grinned with closed lips. She had barely noticed saying that. Sofie was sweet to disagree with her, even if she didn’t know any better.

“What about you?” She asked.
“Oh well, I sing, as you know. Play just enough piano to accompany it, but I’m not very good. I also read a lot, think a lot, draw sometimes. I’m kinda boring I guess.” Sofie replied, sighed at the end. The sound of her voice was soothing and soft, dark and gentle. Her tone fell too, by the end.
“Well you don’t seem boring to me.” Runa uttered somewhat playfully, Sofie laughed intensely but quickly. It made her spine tingle again.
“Okay okay, you got me there.” She said after, Runa turned around again, faced her room. She looked at her bedside table, saw the time on her round bright red clock. She sat up quickly.
“Wow, we’ve talked for like, almost two hours.” She commented happily, time sure had flown in this bliss.
“Really? Oh wow, well it has been sooo nice to get to know you. But I gotta say, my ear is so warm.” Sofie responded. It made her laugh, she was quite funny in a direct and endearing kind of way.
“Me too, maybe we should call it here? When can we talk again?” Runa asked. Sofie giggled at the other end, said:
“You’re adorable. And I don’t know, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow, and the day after. I’ll call you in the evening sometime.” Her voice was so soft and gentle now. Runa kept smiling, it was odd how quickly she started to actually believe it. Her doubt felt small compared to the hope catching fire within her.
“Yeah, okay. Thank you for being so sweet and kind Sofie.” She said softly back to her. She heard Sofie giggle weakly. Runa sighed, felt her warm spine shiver. Listening to her felt quite good, she had never felt so much happiness just from talking to someone before. The intensity of it was surprising.
“Awe Runa, you’re kind and sweet too. And thank you for listening to my problems. I hope it didn’t make you like me any less..” Sofie replied, her voice changed from gleeful to unsure.
“If anything I like you even more now, even though it’s sad you’ve gone through that and feel the way you do. It is also something we have in common.” Runa reassured her. How she wished she could be beside her. The ache lingered, heightened even. Sofie moved around and said:
“Right, we do. Now instead of pulling me down, it can bring me closer to you instead.” Runa grinned with hot cheeks, that was so poetic.
“Oh wow, that’s beautiful.” She whispered in awe.
“Yeah, it is.” Sofie responded softly. They laid in silence with the phones against their ears for a few seconds. Runa closed her eyes, she didn’t want this to end.

“Sofie?” She whispered hesitantly. Sofie’s voice sighed on the other end.
“Hmm?” She responded. Runa turned around, looked at her messy room and leaned her head on her arm.
“Is this for real?” She asked in a whisper, after she looked down and felt herself tear up yet again.
“Do you want it to be?” Sofie asked her, she grinned as her chest lit up. Her stomach fluttered by the intensity of her crush. Since they met again yesterday, it had slowly been rising along with her nervousness and doubt. Now she had set it free, and it shocked her with its potency. Blazing her torso like the sun shining from within.
“Yes.” She replied a bit louder. Sofie sighed in a light joyful sigh. She imagined her smiling on the other end.
“Then, it is for real.” She said with such tenderness her stomach fluttered again.
“Okay.” She bit her lower lip in excitement and sighed.
“Bye then, Runa.” Sofie said playfully, she grinned widely as her cheeks prickled. Hearing her own name coming from that beautiful voice somehow made it more real.
“Yeah, bye.” She responded with calm glee. The call ended, she pressed the red button and let go of the phone on her chest. Looked up at the ceiling with wide eyes. Is this real life? How could something so genuine be a lie, or a prank? It couldn’t be. This was real, that girl with wavy golden hair, big blue eyes and a face so beautiful it made her pause the moment she saw her. She actually liked her? The ache for her grew too big for her chest, there was still a good chance something bad would happen. That somehow she’d change her mind, or the world would do something to keep them apart. 

She sat up with teary eyes, walked slowly out her bedroom door. She looked down at the floor, all the things they had talked about sped through her head. Every word, every intent, every gasp or giggle. She grinned, sighed hard and started running down the stairs. She paused in the opening to the livingroom, held at the doorframe and looked over at her parents.
“So, how did it go?” Harrald asked carefully. She smiled at them, looked down.
“She’s amazing.” She said slowly in a flabbergasted tone. They smiled at her, turned off the TV.
“Is she now?” Asked Marion and sat up straight. Runa entered the room and nodded, sat down beside her. A tear ran down her face, she started laughing.
“She’s sweet and kind, and she promised me she likes me.” She said enthusiastically. Harrald crossed his arms and leaned back, sighed happily.
“Well that was fast.” He said amused. She shook her head and blushed.
“No, see; we have met before. On my birthday, remember I said during gym class outside, that I yelled at a girl when she was crying?” They frowned and looked at her, nodded with questioning eyes.
“Well, apparently she thought I was beautiful? And when I apologized to her, I donno, it did something to her, I guess?” Marion gasped with wide eyes.
“Did she really?” She asked surprised and smiled. Runa sat back and sighed.
“Yes, she said she’s been crushing on me ever since.” She added, Harrald reached for her hand over Marion’s lap, held it hard.
“That’s wonderful Runa-tuna.” He said eagerly, sounded so hopeful. She looked over at him and giggled with teary eyes. Marion lifted her long thin arm and touched her hair with her slim fingers.

“So what about you? Do you like her?” She asked carefully, Runa barred her eyes open and nodded eagerly. She looked to the side, felt herself blushing as her stomach fluttered. She sighed again, was amazed how happy she felt. Couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy, maybe she never had?
“When I first saw her I thought she was beautiful too, but I had just yelled at her and I felt really bad about it. I was so ashamed I basically ran away, and forced myself to forget her. Since nothing would ever..” She lowered her eyes, that shame still lingered inside her. Sofie hadn’t mentioned if she actually made her feel bad or not. But rather that her apology was memorable and positive. She narrowed her eyes, how could someone start liking her just because of that? Well maybe it wasn’t just that? Maybe there were other factors, like her looks? I’m beautiful? She grinned, she had never felt that way about herself before.
“The moment I met her again it all came back to me, and this time she well.. she..” She said further, fading away to a place where Sofie could reach her. Harrald elbowed Marion and added for her:
“She insisted on shaking her hand, and then asked for her number right away.” He said smugly, Marion bent her head back and laughed loudly. Then she patted Runa on the head and commented amused:
“Wow she’s an eager one, isn’t she?” Runa smiled and nodded to her.
“Well I could’ve told you that.” Said Harrald, Runa giggled and stood up, sighed against the doorframe again.
“She’s coming here on Monday, after school.” She added lastly, they smiled at her.
“Good, it’s about time you brought someone home.” Harrald responded happily, Runa giggled, nodded to him and walked up the stairs. She stopped in front of her old photo. Of that scared little girl with hurt in her eyes, never believing anyone would love her, or even like her. It was around that time she was tricked with love letters, pranks and phone calls in the night. She sighed and smiled, maybe this time it would be different? She dared to hope again, that little girl looked back at her with wide excited eyes. Asked her if it really was true? And she’d nod, smile down at her with knowing eyes. This time, it’s for real.

Chapter Text

She had awoken with a smile on her face. For some reason, she didn’t feel like hiding herself today. A place with mostly adults and children was a good testing ground for what she felt like wearing.

She had put on a tank top, a smaller hooded jacket that reached to her waist, and a black wind jacket. It was tight around her, but it still fit. And normal jeans. Even her mother was in a good mood, they all were. Life truly was beautiful in the morning sun, the cold but comfortable autumn breeze. Last night and this morning she and Runa had sent each other good night and good morning messages. She wondered if this was the new normal now? God she hoped so.

They drove a while outside the city, to another county. There in a big gymnasium around five matches would take place. Olai’s team she knew, were quite good. They exited their black BMV, noticed that it was just a tad bit warmer here, she smiled and breathed in the crisp morning air. Many others parked around them, kids in soccer gear with their parents slowly moved towards the gymnasium holding their kid’s hands. She didn’t see any teens from her new or old school, or any at all and sighed with relief.

Around them were mountains covered with trees. The wonderful fall colors made her grin, oranges, reds and yellows dotted them. On the ground there was a running track. She knew that multiple different kinds of schools surrounded this place. One for kids, one for teens, one for older teens with more specialized education for future job purposes. It was the only school complex in this entire county. The sky was blue, the few birds left tweeted. Sun hit her face, she walked in behind her family in a mild euphoric state. 

The gymnasium had two double doors, and when they arrived they were greeted by volunteers of the tournament. The floor was covered in large tiles in ceramic brown, the walls were off white. There were countless plastic chairs in blues and reds and tables around the room. Those who greeted them did so beside a table covered with a white tablecloth, looking more like a bedsheet. Signs for where to go made of laminated paper were folded and placed on it. And some red plastic chairs surrounding them. Sofie unzipped her fall jacket and her short hooded jacket. For once she let her chest show. Her hair was loose, wavy and newly washed and combed. She grinned at Olai as they found the wardrobes further into the building. The room stank of sweat and wood. His team had the first match. He already wore what he needed to, his yellow and black uniform, his matching stockings, his shin guards and soccer shoes. He drank from his water bottle, his team and their parents surrounded them. She hugged him and wished him good luck. When she straightened her back again, she noticed one of the other dad’s gaze linger on her. He had brown hair and eyes, tall, lean, normal looking. He looked her up and down, stared at her chest, then up at her face. The look she feared so much, happened with him. She felt a chill up her spine, shock ran through her quickly. She turned around and frowned, moved slowly out of the wardrobe. Her parents waved to Olai and walked behind her. Another man, a bigger blonde one met her gaze, looked down at her, grinned and stared at her chest. Her stomach turned, oh god. This wasn’t a thing only teenage boys did, with their poor impulse control and hormones? But grown men too? She felt her heart beat faster, a feeling rose in her mind. This will never change, even when she grows up? She held it together, the terror rose slowly.

They walked up a staircase from the main hall up to the grandstands, were only on the left side of the gymnasium proper. It was big, with lines on the blue  floor with different colors on it. Some for basketball, others for handball. And of course, some for soccer. She sat down on long wooden benches beside her mother. Amund stood up when the kids entered the field, he clapped hard and shouted:
“Woo!” Olai looked back and waved to them, Sofie grinned and waved back to him just like her parents did. Amund then sat down, looked over at them with such anticipation. Olai was a small thin kid, quick on his feet much like Sofie always had been. He was the perfect Back, standing in front of their team’s keeper and kicking the ball forward. The game would last around forty-five minutes, with three small breaks in-between. Sofie looked down, looked over the fresh memories of those men’s gazes. The fear rose again, but she managed to push it down and focus on the game. 

-

When the match was over they slowly made their way out of the grandstands, and down the staircase. They entered the main hall. People surrounded them on chairs against the numerous tables. By the table with the white cloth, another one had been placed, identical to it. Three big thermoses filled with black coffee stood at the center of them both, with two stacks of paper cups, sugar and a carton of milk. Juice boxes and a big plate stacked with waffles. In typical Norwegian fashion they were thin, soft and sweet. Jams and butter were placed beside it. They had to pay for it, but it was cheap. 10 kr for a cup of coffee, 10 kr for a waffle, toppings for free. It smelled quite good, she grinned. Lillian looked at her, smiled and touched her shoulder. Her sharp pale face looked rested and calm, And her brown straight hair had been braided behind her head and neck. Sofie paused, her mother’s ocean eyes stared straight at her so happily, for once she felt completely genuine in her disposition.
“Why don’t you save us a seat while we get coffee and waffles? Do you want anything while we’re there?” She asked gleefully, Sofie looked down.
“Yeah I want some juice, and a waffle with some butter and sugar on top?” She replied, her mother lifted her slim hand, and stroked her cheek. Lillian smiled wider with thin lips, their teeth were nearly identical. Her gaze softened more, a glimpse of the past stared back at her. In warm glory the heart of her mother shone on her. It had been a while since she had been looked at like this. She smiled stiffly back, still her touch tensed her shoulders. No shriek burst out her spine, she moved away still, and then they parted.

She stood straight and looked out into the room. Found a table with empty chairs around it in the back, against a row of big wide windows. Out them she saw an oaktree with fallen leaves. She made her way towards it between people sitting on chairs, talking and laughing. The tension she usually felt at school rose inside her, filled her spine with fear. She breathed heavily but managed to stay calm. Walked past a table with another man, blond with green eyes, he looked her up and down, smiled. Her stomach turned again. She moved her face to the side, swallowed and moved forward. Squeezed through two chairs standing close opposite to one another. They noticed and moved themselves closer to their respective tables. One was a woman and the other, a brown haired brown eyed man. Another father to some child her brother's age. He excused himself, looked at her and paused. Took his time and stared her up and down, even frowned his eyebrows when he stared at her face. The terror rose harder, she turned around and gasped as slowly as she could. Reached the table, sat down and began to zip her hooded jacket up to be closed. 

Sofie swallowed, looked outside. The autumn leaves rustled in the wind by a path of asphalt, right in front of the tree. She shook her knee under the table, felt tears press behind her eyes. Her breath got quicker and deeper. She closed her eyes, pictured herself moving through groups of men, saw them staring at her, maybe even groping her. Their hands reached and burrowed through her skin so painfully, making her spine rattle like a panicked snake. She began to realize that it could happen here too. Being observed in such a way without her control, as if she shredded her clothes despite gripping them frantically. Her hands began to shake, she always assumed she’d be free of it once she grew up. Now she felt foolish, despite being in pieces had she clung to her own naivety? Their despicable looks reflected their true intentions, no doubt it’d flourish if she was alone with them. Would the law make them pause, when it hadn’t before? Tears filled her eyes. Her old classmates shouted inside her mind. They gathered around her in droves, she passed through them hurriedly, girls in the back shouted and laughed at her. Their shadows singed in her retinas, the boys scorched her skin with their hands.

Slowly without her noticing, her broken mind began to race intrusively with that one terrible day. Her heart raced in her chest, and her breath hardened in sharper breaths, she felt her fingers twitching. In the looming panic she turned, looked at all these people, all these men. The terror in the wardrobe, only with a towel around her wet body. Her clothes gone, tears falling as the girls grabbed her arms, and threw her forcibly out into the hallway. She shrieked with her face away from everyone. With eyes barred open she gazed at the oaktree, so naked and shivering as if freezing. Bright terrible chills shot up her spine. The walls in that hallway had closed in on her, when boys looked at her like those men did. Only it was amplified, wicked, terrifying. They laughed and pulled at her towel, she held onto it with all her might. Started to gasp and closed her eyes, a shriek began to emerge from deep in her mind. 

Her family finally arrived, they put the paper plates with waffles, cups with coffee and a couple of juice boxes on the table. She stood up once they did, struck her palms on the table and said:
“I need some fresh air. The vents in here are terrible.” It wasn’t a lie, it was warm, clammy and heavy in here. She quickly moved against the windows, now with her chest covered up the stares were lesser and quicker. She ran out the main door, walked past the windows on the other side. Observed her parents staring back at her with surprised faces. Past the tree and further back she jogged. Ran to the other side of the building, placed herself against the wall of orange brick. Tears started running down her cheeks without her sobbing. With thin pale fingers spreading out her palms she watched them tremble, observed them while noticing the details around her becoming sharper. Her breath grew quicker and deeper, she began to lose control. Had all those men been boys like that? Who’s to say they weren’t that still?

She squatted down, bent over herself. Began to sob while she hyperventilated, her chest shook within her heaving breaths. Terror shot through her spine, coiled in her stomach, made her hands prickle with numbness. She breathed with her mouth open, it quickly got worse. She groaned in pain, the terror of the past made her mind race with terrible images, her chest tightened with fear. The hyperventilation turned sharper in her desperation. It could reveal her, she hoped she hadn’t been followed.

So she looked up to find solace in the heavens, stared at the clouds and blue sky. It was a wave, it crashed against her, and she could do nothing but wait it out. Her eyes were wide open, her knees right and jittery. Her heart beat so fast as if bursting. Fear of death mixed in with her terror, oh god.
“It’s just a wave, just a wave.” She whispered in whimpers. The terror burrowed like holes out her eyes, shot lighting straight into the center where her most primal fear resided. A faint sound echoed in her mind, pain entered her. She closed her eyes, the shriek turned into a loud sharp scream, in pure white terror her entire body shot with lightning. Everything paused on that single moment, and lingered torturously.

Then finally, slowly, it waved back, and her breaths calmed enough for her to focus. She opened her eyes, looked down at the yellow and brown shrubbery in front of her, and sighed. Her head and neck, legs and arms felt numb and heavy. She leaned on her arms and knees, sniffled and sighed with wide exhaustion. That had been worse than usual. A part of her longed to jog down past the bushes, down the road and just run, her face was numb and filled with tears. But somehow, going in there, hiding like she always did, it felt wrong too. Why did it suddenly feel wrong? She closed her eyes and sniffled, slowly something warm flickered behind her tired mind. 

Warm broad hands met hers and woke her up. The moment they touched her world changed. It had felt so different from any touch inflicted on her. She sighed hard, unclenched her shoulders and neck, let go of her knees. She imagined Runa’s beautiful orange eyes staring at her. With warmth, tenderness, and safety. It wasn’t some pipedream, nor a daydream to soothe her sanity with. The thought of being observed by her made her chest rise with warmth, giving her numb face back its feeling. It would actually happen. That’s the only thing that has changed. She had gone to these tournaments for years, hiding away, even more so after breaking. It hadn’t felt like a problem then. But now? Runa was the catalyst, being soft in her strength, gentle with her power. Just the thought of feeling her wide strong hands mushed her chest with warmth. She fiddled with her jacket pocket, found her cellphone frantically. Maybe she could help her be braver today? She found her in the contacts, clicked on it and pressed down the green phone button, held it against her ear with trembling fingers. It rang four times before she picked up.

“Heya Sofie, what’s up?” Her voice was so carefree, happy, and beautiful. The memory of yesterday’s conversation still shone in her mind, the sound of her laughter, the tenderness in her tone. She grinned while she cried silently. Her sweet voice made the ache rise again.
“Hi Runa.” She said and sniffled. Despite her tears she couldn’t help but feel slightly happy.
“Wow hey, are you crying? What’s going on?” Runa asked, now with a lower more careful voice. It was warm enough to make the lingering despair in her spine lessen.
“Yes I..” She replied, cleared her throat. “I just had a panic attack, it was so horrible. And I figured, maybe it’d help talking to you again.” She sighed, sank in her squat and had her rear touch the ground. Between the asphalt and the wall some dry grass stuck out beneath her. A gentle breeze blew in her face, she felt her tears cooling her skin.
“Shit, well of course. I’m happy to, if it helps.” Her tone grew sympathetic and tender. Sofie heard a door shutting from the other end, she probably sat down somewhere in private.
“Nobody did anything to you I hope?” Runa asked further in a sullen gentle voice. It was the tenderness that broke her, and she started sobbing.
“No, nothing happened.” She replied, her voice broke persistently, made her sobs so audible.
“I thought everything would be fine.” She added and cleared her throat again, concentrated to speak more clearly.
“I chose to not cover myself today, I’m not wearing anything too revealing. Just jeans, a tanktop and a short open hooded jacket. But the men here kept staring at me. I know those looks, I just.. I was so surprised, it made me feel so terrified.” She continued and sighed hard. Runa gasped quickly.
“You mean the fathers of the kids in the soccer tournament? Jesus fucking christ, that’s so disgusting.” She commented rather angrily. Despite the seriousness, it made her smile while her tears trickled down her cheeks. Runa seemed so soft, even in her fury.
“But they didn’t say anything or do anything?” Runa asked gently, clearly worried. Sofie’s breath was deep and calm, her crush began to fill her chest with proper warmth.
“No, all they did was look at me, and I started thinking like; is it going to be like this forever? Do I have to cover myself, everywhere, even when I grow up? Just to not be.. “ She said quickly and sighed hard, continued:
“It made me feel..” She said slowly, then the ache burst out her body beyond her control. Tears trickled from her eyes, the pain in her chest stirred. She sobbed quietly for a few seconds before she gathered herself again, and cleared her throat, sniffled and frowned.
“It made me feel like I’m never ever going to be safe again.” Her words broke apart and shook in her cries.
“And I wish you were here, that you could… hold me. Then I’d feel less scared, I think. You’re so strong and seem so kind, I’d feel so much safer with you.” She said and sobbed, shut her eyes against her knees, felt so damn pathetic.
“Sorry, I know it’s silly.” She hurriedly added, there was a pause. She lingered with her face pressed against her knees, regretted her desperation while sobbing in whispers.

“No it isn’t.” Runa said with such softness, her quiet sobs stopped. A gentle shiver of warmth traveled up her spine. Between her vertebrae it quvered with light, the knot in her stomach loosened.
“I wish I was there too.” She added tenderly, Sofie grinned and sniffled. Her cheeks rose in heat.
“I’d hold you through the whole damn thing. I’d press you so close, so that when they looked at you; they’d look at me too. They’d avert their eyes then, I’m sure.” Runa continued softly, she grinned while listening to her. She even attempted to joke a bit at the end, it didn’t help but the effort was sweet. She sighed, added in a tone so tender it made her spine shiver again:
“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Her words somehow made her sadder, but in a different way. A strong ache had taken the place of her fear, with yearning both sharp and deep. Like they were worlds apart, split by oceans and mountains. Mother nature sought to stand between them. Just the thought of having Runa’s strong arms around herself, having her neck and shoulder against her face, her broad hand holding hers; it made her chest hurt with longing. More so than ever before. She started sobbing in quiet breaths again, this time more controlled. Wished she knew at the bus stop what she does now. Sitting beside her she’d jump on her, press herself against her, hug her desperately. Then she’d know exactly what it felt like to have her close. She craved it with a burning intensity. The deepest parts of her chest ached so strongly, it felt physically painful. Runa’s presence pushed against that terrible day, moved between them and her, and protected her. The notion felt like a fantasy, a silly dream for a frightened husk clinging desperately to safety.

She cried in steep sighs, her shaking hand gripped the phone firmly.
“I’m so alone and defenceless here.” She whimpered in whispers.
“You’re gonna be okay Sofie, your family is there with you. They’ll keep you safe.” Said Runa to comfort her further. She nodded and sniffled, the notion calmed her sobs, but not her mind.
“Yes, I know they would, but..” She responded a bit louder and sniffled. Wanted to say how much she missed her, but they hadn’t even been together properly. What was it she was missing? They were just a couple of dumb hormonal teenagers, right? Caught up in a warm whirlwind to distract themselves from the cruelty of the world. She didn’t even know how she would react when they actually met again. What did she know of love and longing? 

Yet she yearned for her so strongly. In her mind she ran desperately, towards the beacon she had clung to these past few months. It was finally so close, she could almost feel it, feel her. So despite her doubts and insecurity, she whispered:
“But they’re not you. I know we’ve never.. but…  I miss you.” She put her face in her hand, awaited the awkward silence following her desperation. The incoming response flickered so terribly in her mind, of an awkward: ‘Okay’ or an: ‘Oh, that’s nice’. But Runa sighed, and said a bit louder:
“I miss you too.” Her tone was bittersweet and tender. Sofie grinned with relief, her face warmed up so quickly. The longing for something that hasn't happened yet increased.
“I can’t wait to see you on Monday.” She responded to her sweet words, sniffled again and began to dry away her snot and tears with her sleeve. They were strangers, though Runa seemed to yearn for her too. Knowing it gave her ache warmth, just her voice had risen her from despair. What power she wielded over her mood, becoming hers would be the blessing of the ages. Despite herself being so desperate and pathetic, it didn’t put her off. Whatever was blossoming between their words, she welcomed it.

“Me too Sofie. Time should pass faster, so I can hold you sooner.” Runa said tenderly, her face prickled along with her hot breaths, Runa continued so wondrously:
“You shouldn’t go through any of this, I wish I could do more to help you.” Her voice was gentle and warm, she felt her spine quiver, it made her laugh and sigh melancholically. It was easy to imagine her beside herself, holding her cheek with tender golden eyes. ‘I’m so sorry you have to experience this.’ she’d say so sweetly. With strong hands and arms, in her black jeans and dark red windjacket she’d fold her arms around her. The warm softness of her would be enough to calm her, to soothe her. ‘I’m here, if they try anything I’ll make them stop.’ Picturing it sent the last of her terrible tension away. The longing lingered, her fear had faded surprisingly quickly, she noted to herself. Hearing her voice, imagining her presence, that was all it took.
“Just hearing your voice helps, actually.” She said, Runa laughed at the other end. The sound of her joy made her stomach flutter. She stood up and grinned, still her head was so  heavy.
“Well, that’s great! I can keep talking however long you need.” Said Runa, she sounded so sincere. Sofie’s cheeks warmed up, she grinned with heavy eyes. Her stomach tightened with hunger.
“Oh I wish we could talk for hours right now, but I need to get inside. They’re gonna suspect something if I don’t come back soon, and besides, I’m starving and there’s waffles.” She responded. Runa sighed happily.
“Yes, go get something to eat, we’ll talk more later. If anything else happens, I’m just a phonecall away.” She said happily. Sofie looked down, saddened by the end of their conversation.
“Yes, I’ll call you later either way, thank you for being here for me. Even if you aren’t here.” She said softly, Runa giggled, and responded amused:
“Of course, I’ll be with you in spirit. Good luck.”
“Okay, thanks, bye.”
“Bye.” Runa ended it, the phone hung up. She pressed the red button, stared at the phone in her hand.

The silence made her miss her more. She put it in her jacket pocket. Then she wiped her tears with her fingers, and even though it was kinda gross, she blew out the tears and snot in her nose on the ground. Anything to avoid having her go into the bathroom within their field of vision. Maybe then they'll ask how she‘s doing? Would she be able to lie? She dried off her nose with her sleeve at the end, cleared her throat and relaxed her face. Then she turned around, and walked back to them all. Back to the tables, to the stares, and her family. 

She covered herself more now, and their looks faded quicker in her field of view, at the very least. She discovered she didn’t have to wear a skirt, it was enough just to hide her chest. That gave her some ideas.

She sat down at the table, somehow feeling better despite it all. Both her mother and Amund looked at her with questioning eyes, her mother pulled up her hand and touched hers in the table. Sofie looked down and withdrew her hand, began to fold her waffle.
“Is something the matter?” Lillian asked carefully, Sofie took a bite off it and shook her head. Her stomach rumbled while she smiled, she tasted the melted butter and sugar. When they blended the liquid became more solid. Thankfully it was still warm. She swallowed quickly, found the strength to lie yet another time.
“I’m fine, getting some fresh air helped with my sudden headache.” She said so nonchalantly. Amund nodded, so did Lillian. But for the first time in a while, among the noise of at least fifty people, in heavy air and sweet aromas, her mother’s eyes lingered. Skeptical, focused, consearned?
“You sure? We can talk later if you want to?” She suggested, Sofie grew annoyed. That was the last thing she wanted.
“Yeah I’m sure, I’m fine.” She said quickly, looked out the window and took a bite of the waffle. A few golden leaves soared in the wind and landed right where she had walked. She sighed and leaned her head on her hand, smiled. Runa had been so sweet to her, her chest still emitted some warmth from their short conversation. How she wished they could talk for hours, she yearned for the days and nights to pass. Wondered what she’d do when they finally met. It was established that they liked each other, would she dare to kiss her? God, to feel her lips against her own. She closed her eyes, felt herself blushing. It became so real in her mind, knowing it could happen soon. 

She cleared her throat, opened her eyes and gazed at her parents. They hadn’t noticed, amongst the noise of so many people talking, they had been distracted by Olai bragging about how good he had been during the match.
“Did you see when that big boy came at me, and I just kicked the ball forward from between his feet?” He asked eagerly. They nodded and giggled.
“We did see that, yes.” Said Amund. She touched his hair and nodded to him.
“You did so well in there, you’re so quick on your feet.” He grinned at her with proud eyes, drank from the straw attached to his juicebox.
“Well I’m not the best, but I am pretty good.” He said sweetly, she giggled and ruffled his hair a bit hard, he laughed and waved with his hand. She noticed her mother staring at them with warm eyes and a careful smile. Sofie lifted her gaze to her, stared back at her. The happiness Runa already had brought her; spilled out of her, and onto them. It felt like something was changing, and her mother somehow noticed it. 

For months it had felt like she hadn’t been seen at all, and her unhappiness had been a secret they hadn’t bothered to uncover. But her happiness she found, was so easily noticed. She wondered why as she grabbed the juicebox, and readied it to be used. Sighed with careful glee as she pushed the straw into the hole in the carton. Maybe something indeed was changing? She looked over at her Dad, maybe he had been correct? She had dared, and already it was beginning to pay off.

*
____________
__ _Sofie:___         
 Call ended.  
     01:15       
____________

Runa: | good night  <3 |
Sofie: | Good night <3 <3 :* |

*

She sat in the car, though she saw houses and trees pass it was like the sunlight blurred everything and made it yellow. Sitting in the front seat her knees were in constant movement, She looked over at Harrald, he seemed strangely calm behind the wheel.
“Come on, hurryyy.” She nagged and pleaded, he pressed down the gas, they drove faster, the engine hummed louder. And then they stopped.

She ran out the car, came to a soccer field, surrounded by mountains and autumn leaves. A bunch of kids were playing, their families stood on the sidelines and cheered. She recognized Sofie’s long wavy hair from behind at a distance.
“Sofie! Sofie, I’m here!” She yelled at her, Sofie turned around, waved at her with a broad beautiful smile. Her eyes glowed in a blue so vivid, it made her entire body soften. Quickly Runa ran over to her, somehow the yellow light swallowing the sky gleamed like glitter. Sofie wore a bright blue jeans and a darker hooded jacket, over a black tanktop. It showed off her fair immaculate cleavage. She quickly grabbed Runa’s arms where her forearms started, and gazed at her with wondrous glee and excitement.
“I’ve been looking all over for you!” She said so happily, then her face contorted and she started crying.
“Take me away, hurry.” She pleaded, Runa grabbed her hand and started running. They dove into the backseat, she looked over at Harrald in the front seat and yelled:
“Go!” The car drove off, Sofie laid against her, and pressed their faces close together. Their lips met, the greatest bliss she had ever experienced happened both in her chest, and all over her body. Around them the light faded, Harrald disappeared, everything was lost apart from the two of them. She could feel her bare skin, they turned around each other in naked bliss. Their tongues blended, pleasure rose in her body. By each time they turned, they were in a new place. The shore by her house, the woods up the hill, and finally, her own bed. Sofie looked down at her, engulfed her as they blended together in pleasure. Her blue shiny eyes teared up as she smiled with red lips. She moaned before pausing and panting.
“Be with me forever.” She said so softly between her breaths. Runa broke down against her, with happiness and aching she pressed her close and sobbed. Gazed up at her so close, and stroked her hair with her hand, said back amidst warm tears:
“I will, I promise.”

She opened her eyes, gasped in the darkness. Her heart beat fast in her chest, normally she awoke from nightmares. But that was the best dream she had ever had. She stretched in a tired haze, moved her hand down below the covers. Without realizing it fully, she had begun to touch herself. The images from the dream played again, now in her mind’s eye. That overwhelming feeling of comfort and pleasure echoed inside her. Desire rose in the heat of her body, in the pleasure of her vulva. She gasped and heaved, it wasn’t about her disgusting body this time. It wasn’t a poor attempt to relax but never truly managing to climax. It was all about her, Sofie. She imagined her lips open in moans so tender her spine shivered. She could almost feel her skin against her own, moving and breathing in desperation and sweat. The hum she often struggled to catch rose without any effort. It filled her groin up with a slow ever expanding cloud. The pleasure gathered into a point beneath her frantic fingertips, she curved her back and faced upwards. Imagined Sofie screaming her love in tones so high and wonderful, it made her entire body tighten. For the first time, sexual pleasure took over her body, she shook as involuntary moans exited her mouth in a high nasal pitch. Her entire body buzzed as a warm delightful beam traveled up her entire spine. Her ankles cramped slightly, she faded into the pleasure. Her mind beamed with happiness. The dot that was her clitoris burst with deep glowing pleasure so good she almost groaned for a moment. Then she let go and succumbed to exhaustion.

She emerged from the pleasure a different being. Dazed and boiling beneath the covers. She removed them and laid naked in the darkness. Holy shit. She didn’t know her body could feel that good, it felt like a secret unlocked. It was all because of Sofie, she knew. She liked her, missed her, wanted her. They had stayed up past twelve whispering sweet nothings to each other, giggling and sighing with promises of comfort and kisses. It had been overwhelming, but she had felt it then too. Her groin gaining a heartbeat, her body relaxing in warm softness. Is this what it’s gonna be like to be with her? Would she forget herself against her too? 

She turned around and sighed hard, yawned and drifted again. Just one more night, and they’d be together. One more day of longing, and she’d know what it felt like to have her close. Her chest ached as she teared up, now that she knew it could happen she wanted it so much. It glowed in her chest like the sun, she had never dared to hope so much. Held around herself. It had hurt so much, she felt it all. The moment their hands touched at that bus stop something had awoken in her. Tears pressed as she sobbed, she pulled the covers over herself as not to wake anyone up. Her crush and longing spiked her heart with bittersweet joy. It’s happening, soon she said to herself, it’s actually happening. 

“Sofie.” She whispered in the stillness of the night. As if it could travel through Havetown on the wind, and enter her ear through the crack of an open window. Come to me, be with me, stay with me, she said to her in her head. Gently she faded into dreamtime, the night drifted away.

*

D: 25.10.05 T: 09:15 SMS chain:

Sofie: | Good morning <3 Slept well? :) |
11:48
Runa: | good morning <3 yes I dreamt about u ;) |
Sofie: | Oh yeah? :) What was it about? OwO |
Runa: | I dreamt that we kissed ;* |
Sofie: | :D OOoo! Did you? Well I’ve dreamt about kissing u many times. >:)  <3 |
Runa: | oh sorry for being late to the kissing girls in dreams club XD |
Sofie: | Lol it’s a very exclusive club don’t you know? ;) |
Runa: | tomorrow we gonna enter the actually kissed a girl club <3 |
Sofie: | Yes we are. <3 Cant wait. :* :* |
Runa: | omg I just realized why its xoxo in movies. the x is for the * |
Sofie: | LOL you didn’t know? You’re so cute <3 |
Runa: | has the games started yet? is ur bro winning? :) |
Sofie: | You mean his team? Yes they’re winning this one. Two more games to go. |
Runa: | and no men looking at u? ur good? |
Sofie: | I’m good <3 With jacket closed it’s better. I’m kinda tired though. |
Runa: | good <3 oh sorry I kept u up :/ |
Sofie: | It’s ok, totally worth it <3 talk later,  waffle time! xoxo >:D |
Runa: | ok talk later then xoxoxoxo XD |
12:40:
Sofie: | I’m so bored :( I miss you <3 |
Runa: | bored is good, uneventful yes? :) miss u too <3 |
Sofie: | You’re right, bored is good. :) What’s up? |
Runa: | gettin ready for trip w parents, we gonna hike in the mountains |
Sofie: | AA! Runa ask to come here, please we can kiss :* <3 |
Runa: | I did, they said no :( but ur cute <3 and u, what's up? |
Sofie: | :(( A girl can dream ;) Watching game, it’s fine, still bored. Want you <3
Runa: | omg I dreamt I came to the soccer game and took u away :o |
Sofie: | So you DID dream lol, sounds so nice <3 :( |
Runa: | u ok? :/ <3 |
Sofie: | Yes I’m ok <3 |
Runa: | good, gettin in the car now, ill be here if u need me <3 xo |
Sofie: | ok <3 xoxo |

*

The car had been parked on a communal parking lot filled with gray gravel, a handful of other cars were parked there before theirs. The bushes and tall full grass waved in strong winds going through the mountain. All in colors ranging from yellow starved and dying to bright orange and deep reds, showing off nature’s beauty just for her. Going up from there was a dirt path, leading up to gatherings of birch. Normally full trees with small green round reaves while the wood itself was thin and white, dotted with black marks shaped like hollow eyes. It was looking back at her as she passed them first with her parents following behind. Now the birches were nearly bare with leaves, its white spotted branches shivered in the wind. Here and there above her brown leaves hanging on by a thread fell. Beneath her black and brown  boots she crushed them in small wet splashes not seen, but only heard. She wore her usual dark red windjacket, though the day was colder despite the sun. So she wore a gray woolen sweater underneath, a black scarf and a dark red beanie. Along with black thin gloves and socks to match. Though a pair of black jeans covered them. She looked down at her dark boots, listening to the splashes happily. Behind her Marion and Harrald had struck up a conversation. She looked back at them. Tall and lanky Marion wore a long yellow windjacket, with a black hat and scarf. Her thin blonde hair seemed to gather on the sides of her face and clung to her jaw. She smiled at her with straight slightly gray teeth, from when she used to smoke when she was younger. Her pale face wrinkled happily, and it was so clear all her lines originated in that expression. Runa smiled back, stared at her eyes blue like the ocean. 

“.. and you know before, trees wouldn’t rot when they fell, they’d just stay put and get crushed..” She turned her head towards Harrald and spoke further. He too wore a hat, this one knitted and folded above his pink ears. His thin blonde hair moved with the wind on his forehead and on the sides of his head. His angular broad face was pale, though the apples of his cheeks were pink. Somehow despite being a year older than Marion he looked a few years younger. He smiled too, his teeth were whiter though more crooked. He talked back to Marion, Runa looked up at the blue sky and listened to leaves and branches rustle in the cold wind.

“.. so all the oil isn’t just from fossilized animals but trees and other plants?” He asked Marion, though Runa didn’t pay much attention. She turned around with a warm and light feeling in her stomach and chest. She sighed and looked ahead, they came upon an opening and looked around. 

Large boulders dotted the rustling grass and bushes. Even the heathers though still with a few lingering blueberries had darkened to deep reds and orange colors. She followed the path though it split up into three directions. Marion pointed the way, towards the path in the middle. The birches were bare, though right ahead she saw one with almost all its leaves. Bright orange and yellow round leaves dotted its branches as if a ray of hope for the others. Soon enough it would wither too, and slumber for the winter. But just now, in this moment Runa observed it thoroughly in careful bliss. During yesterday’s evening phonecall between the sweet talk and jokes Sofie had talked about nature. How she revered it and felt like a part of it. Told her trees were the ultimate plants, and that grass only evolved just a few million years ago. A blink in the eye of earth's countless millennia and handfuls of eons, she had said against her ear. Runa felt her cheeks prickling just thinking about her. Whatever doubt she used to have was all gone by now. She walked past it and processed the shapes of nature carefully while dreaming herself away. Wondered what Sofie would say if she was here with her, holding her hand up the path. Felt her breath tire going uphill, she smiled and stroked her gloved fingers over a mostly yellow bush as she passed it. The air was fresh and smelled of wet grass.

“Did you know humans can smell wet grass better than a shark can smell blood in the ocean?” Marion said amused, Runa turned around and barred her eyes open.
“What really?” She asked, flabbergasted. Marion nodded and walked past her, stroked her back as she did. As she started walking again she saw Marion walk ahead, taller and swaying with her shoulders and hips inside that long yellow windjacket. On her back was a small black backpack. She grinned when she realized, maybe Sofie would say just the same thing? Perhaps she would get along with them then? Though she herself didn’t know much at all about anything, she enjoyed learning about new things. She had to admit, the world sure seemed more beautiful today. It wasn’t hard to understand why. 

She had seen it in movies, how love-stricken people paused alone and smiled in awe away from their lovers. Though it wasn’t like that yet, she understood the feeling now. Awing at a beautiful world with such a wonderful girl in it. She wondered how she was doing, tucked together with her family and countless others watching soccer matches for kids. People yelling in echoed halls, whistles being blown. This was way better, she figured. Her parents had talked without her paying much attention again. Quickly she ran past Marion and trampled ahead, ran gleefully with joy in her heaving chest. Maybe she shouldn’t die young after all? Maybe the world was too beautiful to let go?

Finally they reached the top, the view showed itself to her, as if to show her just how beautiful it was, to give her enough wonder to hold on. It was working, she smiled with her teeth, felt her chest tightening with bittersweet happiness. She could get used to this, feeling like life was good. 

Her parents gasped in awe, in front of her behind wooden benches, and a few wet ash filled firepits the world looked back at her. The ground stopped here, and fell into a cliff. She opened her eyes and mouth wide, smiled with bright warmth in her chest. The sky reached further than she could see, tall steep mountains graded in blue rose up against it so far away. Much closer big broad mountains filled with fallen leaves, and naked trees stood, though patches of oranges, reds and yellows appeared here and there. Colored the hulking massive rock and earth with diversity and wonder. Up at the tops gray sharp stones stretched out to reach the sky. In ridges and falls it almost seemed like a profile of a human. Its brow ridge and nose so prominent, she understood why the people of old believed trolls the sizes of such mountains to exist. As if they were only sleeping, huddled over the ground keeping warm. Harrald touched her shoulder and smiled, shared his joy with her. She grinned and nodded to him. 

“Yeah wow.” She said, he paused beside her and sighed hard and happily.
“See, life isn’t all doom and gloom. But you gotta seek it out.” He said in a soft but serious tone. She nodded to him again in agreement, he had said such things to her for a while now. But today, for the first time, she felt it. Deep in her bones she knew something was changing, and for once it did so for the better. So she held her breath for a moment, took it all in while cold wind blew in her face. She just couldn’t wait for it all to happen. 

They were the only ones there, so with her glee she screamed:
“Ooooooiii!” Heard the echo wave through the air. She gathered her fingers around her mouth and tried again, sang like a milkmaid herding cows would to reel them in:
“AAAaaaueee!” She bent down stamped with her foot, clapped twice, while looking at her parents she added in similar notes:

“Come here cow coomee nooow!” She imitated the milkmaid rather well. They started laughing, she grinned back at them and sighed. So she could spread joy, not just darkness? It was easier to believe now, after yesterday’s wonderful and gentle conversation with Sofie. She had listened to her talk about books as well, made little comments to make her laugh so easily. Even through the phone it had been easy to imagine them actually having a good time together, face to face. Runa sat down on one of the benches, observed her parents getting the guestbook out of a big green mailbox, nailed to a plank between two birch trees. A pen was tied to it by string, Harrald bent his back as Marion wrote in it against him.

“..today is the twenty fourth, right yes..” She mumbled. Runa turned around and looked at the view, observed the houses in the valley, so tiny and far away in reds, blues and yellows. Real people lived in them. All their lives were furnished with clutter inside, but here they were like a dot on a page, spread out on the flatlands between the mountains. A narrow winding river twisted between them, along with a small straight bridge going over it, small like a single line on paper. Eventually the flatlands stopped, and proper ocean waved in glimmering light between the mountains further away.
“.. oh would you look at that, so many have been here already today, maybe we..” Marion added behind her. Runa soared inside her mind again, wondered just how Sofie’s long blonde hair would wave in the wind. Her cheeks prickled just by the thought, she couldn’t wait to touch it. Eventually while Marion took out her black heavy camera and adjusted the lens manually; Harrald sat down beside her and stroked her shoulder.

“You have been spacing out a lot today.” He commented in a calm relaxed demeanor. She smiled at him, observed his ashy blonde brows and lashes, his green eyes looked so bright in the pale sunlight. With all the warm colors around them they stuck out more, as if to show the plants how they were supposed to look like.
“Yeah sorry, I’m just thinking about tomorrow. You know, her coming over and all.” She responded and sighed hard, looked over at the views again.
“Ah I see, and you’re nervous?” He asked further, she nodded and looked down.
“I mean, yeah. I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to know if..” She asked him, looked down at her boots, and twisted her right foot gently on the soil and grass. How was she supposed to say it without actually saying it? Words melded together in her mind, along with blossoming feelings of warmth and nervousness.

“How do I know if I’m ready, even to just kiss her?” She finally added. He nodded and smiled, leaned back and said:
“You’ve already talked with her about it? Did she seem to want to?” Runa felt her cheeks warming up, she looked away and nodded. Marion stood on the bench beside them and snapped shots, the clicks were rampant. She looked quite humorous standing up there, her face hidden by the camera held with both hands.
“Well, first of all you’ll know if you’re ready when it feels right. Like..” She looked over at him, he stroked his own chest and belly with his broad naked pale hand. Rapid brushing of sharp fibric sounded from it.
“..in the body, that it feels warm and comfortable, not tense or chilling. And it’s okay if you feel that too, even if you like her.” He continued, she smiled and pressed her gloved hand against her chest. Even now it already felt so warm when thinking about her.
“Am I supposed to say it if I don’t feel comfortable then? What if I hurt her feelings?” She asked hesitantly. He patted her on the shoulder, chuckled and said:
“There are nice ways to say it, like you can ask to slow down or to take a break, or just simply tell her you’re uncomfortable. Though I’d say setting boundaries is more important than her feelings regardless, it’s a good way to see if she respects them too, which she should. If she doesn’t then, well.. “ She nodded to him and looked down, right, that wasn’t hard to understand. Though she had never really thought about things like this before, why would she when her touch has always been so avoided? What would it be like if Sofie avoided her? Even now it hurt just a little in her chest, what if she wanted to withdraw but didn’t dare? Her spine spiked with a chill. Maybe she would be scared of her?

“You shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t listen to you when you say stop.” He said and observed her, she nodded still looking away. Then he seemed to pause awaiting whatever else she wanted to know. It was nice, though not planned she had expected such a conversation to be more awkward.
“How do I know if I’m..” She patted her hand against her chest and sighed. Nervousness rose within. Just the thought of being too eager and impulsive with her made pressure emerge behind her eyes, though only for a moment. She swallowed and continued:
“If I’m the one being too much for her, and she doesn’t say anything?” She heard Marion step around them and looked back, smiled at her while she walked past them still with the camera in front of her eyes, and stepped further to the right. She noticed Harrald staring at her while chuckling.
“Well..” He said, sighed and turned his head. Stared at her with a serious gaze, his green eyes still so bright and filled with wisdom.
“If she is relaxed and smiling that’s a good sign. But if that suddenly changes there’s no harm in asking to make sure.” He answered, she sighed in a quick nod and moved her hand from her chest, placed it on her own thigh.
“Like if she suddenly tense up or something?” She asked quickly. He nodded to her and patted her shoulder again. She looked at him, bit her lower lip nervously.
“How do I ask without being like... really awkward about it?” He lifted his hand and stroked her cheek gently, his eyes relaxed as he smiled.
“Well, you ask things like: Is this okay? How are you feeling? Do you want me to stop?” He said softly, then his brows tightened and his gaze turned more serious.
“Especially when doing something new, if she doesn’t know how she feels then you should stop. Of course the same goes the other way around, for you too. You can always ask to stop, or pull away without saying anything.” He said firmly yet somehow so carefully. As if to make it more casual than it was. She smiled with prickling cheeks and looked down, nodded carefully. Wanting to pull away from a girl that pretty was hard to imagine. But maybe that was just how she herself felt, maybe Sofie was doubtful? Though she didn’t seem to be, only going by her tone of voice and choice of words.
“Won’t I be annoying then, or ruin the mood by asking? What if I do it too much?” She asked carefully and looked up at him. He lowered his brows and smiled as if she was being funny.
“I think it’s nice when someone cares about how I feel, don’t you?” She grinned again, her chest warmed up. Softly her mind flickered with the scenario of Sofie being so near her, asking her if she was okay, wondering how she was feeling. Observing her softly, awaiting her answer. She felt her chest glow, even a very light pressure arose behind her eyes yet again. Just imagining someone caring that much about herself moved her a little. So she nodded eagerly and met his gaze again. Her brows lowered deep in thought. She imagined getting to do that with her too, stroking her cheek while speaking softly to her. Giving her only tenderness, asking her how she was feeling. Her spine shivered firmly, she felt her chest mush around her heart. 

“Right, yes.” She said, moved her head and stared at the view again. He patted the top of her beanie with his big hand, she grinned and moved away from it.
“Just pay attention and talk to her, and I’m sure it’ll all be just fine.” He ended it with, didn’t seem worried about her at all. She got up, tied her arms together.
“Got it, thanks.” She hurried to say, before walking away and looking at him. He chuckled while staring back at her, stood up slowly and turned towards Marion who was on her way back to them, camera in hand.

“I got some amazing shots.” She said happily. He walked over to her and hugged her, kissed her cheek repeatedly. Marion giggled, Runa observed them with a smile. She had seen them hug and kiss countless times, their love was calm and stable. A constant in her life these past few years, in this moment she realized: Before them she didn’t know what actual love looked like. Not romantic love like between them, or parental love, like they loved her. Or even, loving them back. She felt her stomach and lungs warm up knowing they’d always be there for her, and for each other. 

She turned her head towards the view, a small white cloud had appeared from behind a mountain. So low she could see its shadow on the flatlands. She sighed hard, imagined being underneath it looking up. A shadow of water would tower over her, keep her in the dark. What if Sofie didn’t like her after all? She could get to know her, and not like who she was. Who even was she? If not how she appeared at school, nor when she cried in the night, not even when she threw punches to defend herself. If anything, it was who she was right now, asking questions, observing nature, making them laugh. Maybe that was indeed her? The person Sofie would get to know, was right here.

She listened to the few birds remaining in this late fall, tweeting while branches rustled in the wind. In the silence she looked down at her own hands covered with black gloves. A feeling crept up behind the veil, though she had it in her memory she had forgotten the feeling. Just when she turned fourteen and realized her parents loved her and wanted her to stay, that feeling had happened to her. 

I am enough, just because I am. I’m alive, if it is enough for them, then it’s enough for me. That realization had faded so quickly between her fingertips, the moment that terrible prank happened. Finally she felt it again, a more careful mindset, of maybe being worthy of whatever Sofie had to offer. 

She sighed hard, gazed up at the views again. Observed the cloud drifting faster than bigger clouds would, had they been in the sky. As if it rushed to be somewhere, having a life all on its own. She grinned, frowned her brows. What would she think of me? She wondered. It was hard enough to imagine being liked at all, just the memory of her gentle voice through the phone made her stomach flutter. She closed her eyes, fell into a nice warm place within herself. Would her lips be soft to kiss? Just picturing it had her spine quiver, feeling her breath, her softness and warmth. Would it be wet too? She sighed long and hard, felt her chest expand with heat. She had imagined it so many times by now, she was surprised she still felt this excited about it.

“Hey Runa!?” Marion yelled, she turned her head around and looked at her. Bent over her little backpack, showed off a wide flat chocolate bar. In three stripes of red, green and yellow on the packaging.
“Do you want some Quicklunch?” She nodded and smiled, stood up. Marion threw it, she caught it with ease. Ripped the seams of the packaging apart and cracked off a long piece, put it in her mouth and bit down. Pressed the remaining of the long piece between her index and long finger like a cigarette. In her mouth amongst the sweet chocolate it crunched, inside was a strip of cracker. She chewed while she looked at Marion and pretended to smoke the rest between her fingers. Marion laughed and yelled back:
“Don’t make a habit out of that!” Runa laughed and frowned her face as if very serious, and nodded swiftly.
“No, of course not.” She replied and swallowed, chewed and ate the rest.
“See?” Marion lowered her brows at a standstill as if angry, though she smiled. Runa understood, observed Marion pretend she knew it wasn’t an actual cigarette. Runa started laughing, loudly and broadly, while she cracked off another long piece. Between each line of crackers inside the chocolate there were dips, to crack pieces off easier. She ate it like normal while staring at Marion, still giggling as if she was actually funny. And maybe she was? She had made Sofie laugh quite a few times by now, through the phone. But that might only be because she liked her? If so, she didn’t mind. She hoped tomorrow, along with kisses, cuddles and whatever else, she’d make her laugh. Just like she somehow had at that bus stop. Her stomach fluttered again imagining it, only she would be closer to her, stroking her face and laughing along with her. Listening to that beautiful rolling laughter. If she could do that no matter how nervous she was, then nothing else would matter.

*

The last phonecall from yesterday had occupied her mind all day long. She had tried her best to not burden her with problems, or bum her out. It had been about the things they liked, Runa had gushed about albums she wanted to show her, said the guestroom was filled to the brim with books and comics she could read. After hearing that Sofie just had to tell her about books she had read, and what they were about. Slowly it had morphed into her talking about nature, she had found herself to be babbling for once, it had surprised her. Eventually into the night their words and tones had become soft. Between yawns and sighs, sweet intentions had emerged amongst them, first more indirect and careful. Like serenades in echoed hymns so beautiful and gentle, it had ignited her mind and body. None of them had ever kissed anyone, Sofie had dared to be direct and plainly told her she wanted to. Followed by nervous giggles and sweet nothings that definitely could become something. 

Today, amidst such bright lights, yelling and horrible whistles, chatter everywhere she went and creaking bathroom doors; their conversation had been a constant in her feeble mind. All day she had smiled and sighed, texted her and imagined being with her. Just thinking about it made her heart ache and her stomach flutter. The day had been so long and boring, both her parents noticed her texting throughout. Though thankfully they had left her mostly be. 

Finally she sat in the backseat, and observed lights moving along with the world as they drove past them. The darkness was comforting, though she couldn’t rest easy, she was too excited. Olai had fallen asleep in the car though, still holding his little fake silver trophy with a little boy kicking a ball. It was so dark and quiet, only the engine hummed in a very specific tone. Eventually she had gotten used to it. She had turned off the sound on her phone but texted Runa regardless. With the green light from the screen lighting up her sight, she pushed on the buttons in matching glow, and grinned excitedly.

| Olai fell asleep in the car, he’s so cute. XD We’re parking now, I’ll call you soon <3 | She pressed send, leaned back and sighed happily with warmth in her breath. Quickly their driveway appeared in the dark, her dad stopped it before going into the garage for once. The little phone in her hands buzzed, she opened the text with a fluttering stomach.
Runa: | ur cute ;* ok cant wait <3 | Her cheeks prickled hard with a blush so warm, she started giggling in a whisper. As her mother left the front seat in whispers and closed the door carefully after herself, Amund looked back at her with big eyes and a wide smile. She bit her lower lip and looked down, her shoulders tensed up a bit. The light around them was dark blue, Lillian opened the door beside Olai, whispered to her while waving her hand:
“Can’t you just unlock his seatbelt for me?” She nodded and did as asked, it clicked open and was dragged off him. Olai groaned as he was lifted into her embrace, wrapped his thin arms around her shoulders and back while still gripping his little trophy. Lillian closed the car door with her elbow and walked off. The sounds of muffled steps disappeared into the darkness, the engine hummed still, her dad drove the car into the garage. The headlight lit up the concrete wall in front of them. He paused and turned around, looked back at her with a wide smile. His blonde messy hair was lit up from behind, and his black windjacket creaked sharply in his movements.

“You’ve been awfully happy these past few days, texting nonstop and calling at night.” He said softly, she looked to the side, her entire face prickled hot with embarrassment. He had heard her talking last night?
“Yeah, it’s that girl I was telling you about.” She responded timidly, his eyes barred open as he grinned with his teeth. Though white, in the darkness they reflected yellow from the headlights shimmering back from the trunk window. His eyes reflected it as well, though most of him was dark when turned away from the source.
“Oh that’s great. Yeah I assumed as much.” He said and sighed as if relieved, of course he had connected the dots.
“I’m so proud of you, you really did it.” He added, she chuckled back at him and nodded. Her entire torso heated up, was she really going to talk to him about her? Nervousness rose in her stomach, it prickled as she contemplated what to say.
“Is she in your class then, or..?” Amund asked and helped her along, his tone was careful in his excitement. She shook her head, if she told him what school she went to would he judge her for it? Probably not. Her mother definitely would if she found out. She swallowed.
“No she.. goes in a parallel class. I figured since I was so nervous, that we could text first. So after talking to her a bit I asked for her number.” She answered him, held firmly at her cellphone laid on the carseat. She bit her lip nervously, and frowned her brows with the tightness still lingering in her stomach.
“Ah, smart.” He said and nodded and asked further: “Is she as nice as you thought?” She couldn’t help but grin and blush, nodded eagerly and responded:
“Well I mean..” She said and shrugged. “I don’t actually know her yet or anything, but she seems nice.” She added, Amund nodded gently, Sofie tilted her head and looked down. Her mind flickered with the sound of her laughter, the feel of her big soft hand holding hers. Her torso heated up more, and she felt her spine shiver weakly.
“.. and funny, and warm.” She mumbled in her daydream before she jolted and brought herself back to reality.

“I mean like, she has this warm energy about her.” She uttered and sighed, knowing she didn’t save that one very well at all. In the silence after she couldn’t help but look down and lift her shoulders. She noticed Amund narrowing his eyes silently while smiling.
“And you’re sure she isn’t a boy?” He asked smugly. Right, of course he thought she was straight. So she relaxed her shoulders and lifted her head, laughed with hot cheeks, and nodded slowly before looking at him.
“Yes I’m pretty sure.” She replied in light tones, he lifted his brows and observed her for just a moment more.
“Okay.” He responded and turned around, she gasped at him and lifted her hand in the air.
“I’m..” She uttered quickly, he turned around again and stared at her expectedly. She grinned and continued more calmly:
“I’m going to her house, tomorrow after school.” He smiled and moved his arm up, stroked hers with his naked hand. That sharp crackling sound shot into her ears again, she tightened her neck and squinted in discomfort.
“You are? That’s great!” He spoke loudly, and held at her arm rather excitedly.
“And you feel sure about if she.. that she seems, you know?” He added more carefully, she raised her brows at him. The nervousness was fading, though her shoulders tightened up again.
“..Safe?” She continued for him. He held his hand still on her arm and nodded quickly. She tightened her brows and smiled stiffly. Added:
“I haven’t exactly been alone with her or anything but..” She sighed hard and looked down. Slowly he let go of her arm, and watched her in silence. She realized she had been so excited about getting to know her, she hadn’t once thought exactly what she was capable of since meeting her again. It felt so obvious to her that she was good ever since, in the backseat she concentrated, and tried to think objectively. Though her words from yesterday chimed in her memory. ‘I wouldn’t let anything happen to you’, she had said. Sofie looked back on how her words and tone made her feel, her spine shivered brightly. ‘I miss you too’. Her voice had been low and smooth and comforting as she said it. Maybe she couldn’t be objective when it came to her? How could someone with such tenderness in their voice be even a little bit bad? That had to mean something. She wanted to let him know somehow, just how safe she seemed, and how damn beautiful she was. But knew she had to tread carefully.

“The way she talks and listens makes me feel..” She gasped slowly, the feelings moved hurriedly and abstractly, blended just away from her conscious thought. She concentrated more, the little that came forth spurted out like a squirt of colorful ink in water. It spread slowly in a cloud as she caught it so intently. While talking to her even about trivial things, she had felt the flesh return just a smidge into her empty shell again. She hadn’t realized it until now, because it hadn’t been painful. She had been too caught up in her ever growing crush to notice. The cloud in water spread, and chimed words to her. Important, normal, genuine?
“..like she wants to know me. That I’m.. n-normal, sort of.” She finally continued, her voice shook for a moment, as if that colorful ink blended with her words to get out. A pressure emerged behind her eyes, she narrowed her brows and looked to the side. While feeling her cheeks prickle, she spoke further:
“Her voice is so relaxing and comforting too.” She grinned after as her torso buzzed with warmth. That longing rose around her spine, and added more pressure behind her eyes. Her chest ached as her sight blurred, she lifted her hand and pressed it against her heart. There was no doubt in her mind, in how her voice had soothed her fear, the power of the bliss she conjured even through the phone. The way her words had made her long as if knowing her deeply. She imagined her warm amber eyes looking back at her, being relaxing and welcoming in a smile so genuine. The sun glimmered in them like when she first saw her. By now her life had become real to her, and her struggles were so tragic. In that bright burning happiness, sadness emerged in her shimmering irises. She wanted to caress it away any way she could. Realized that sadness had always been there, even in her dreams she was always falling apart with her. 

She sighed hard and continued:
“And her eyes are warm and kind, like the sunset.” She swallowed, looked up at her father again while moving her hand down. Her tears faded in an instant. His brows tightened in firm happiness, as if he was moved by her too. As if he knew everything she felt inside. He smiled and sat completely still, though as their eyes met he tilted his head just a bit. She became so self aware about her longing, it must be so obvious by now how she felt about her? She frowned her brows and bit her lower lip nervously.

“She just really seems like a good person, is what I’m trying to say.” He stared at her with focused eyes and relaxed his brows, his smile loosened to a gentle one.
“And she’s not a boy.” He stated plainly with a soft voice. She breathed in hard but held her breath, her face tensed up more as she shook her head slowly and breathed out.
“No, she’s not.” She whispered back. He chuckled and lifted his hand, stroked her bangs behind her right ear. She nearly flinched and moved back, but resisted. Even now, being touched directly on her skin for just a moment; made her skin crawl. Her mind fell straight to touching Runa’s hand again. The warmth and softness of it, how her spine ignited and quivered by it. Indeed it was a miracle, her father stared back at her with glossy eyes, though if he was actually about to cry was hard to tell. Maybe he knew it too? Though she had described her as a sunset, it was more like a sunrise. Awakening from the shivering void into warmth, maybe he saw it staring back at her? A glimmer of hope?

“Well, then… have fun tomorrow, I hope it goes well.” His voice was low and gentle, but a grain of happiness rose it to be light and hopeful even still. She felt it deep in her gut, though her mind wasn’t sure. Did he understand, and accept her? She hoped so, nodded quickly to him and moved away from his hand.
“Thanks, I’m sure it will.” She opened the car door, the garage was still open. Cold wind hit her face even from in here, she walked off in a hurry. Damn it, she couldn’t even keep it together when just talking about her? Her face prickled warmly with embarrassment still, while her chest ached just by the thought of her. She paused before walking inside, stared at the black sky and dark shimmering ocean so far away. The white moon reflected in it, looked more like a circle than a crescent, only about eight days until it will be full. Since sunrise hadn’t happened yet, she was still given some light to latch onto. 

A pressure emerged from behind her eyes, blurred her vision with incoming tears. In her ache she felt warmth, within her nervousness a gentle hum of tension longing to be released, vibrated. Like it would be waving at a frequency making patterns over still water, it buzzed in her blood. The world was changing before her eyes, inwards going out, outwards going in. She imagined that being squirming in agony, turning itself inside out pausing with her, contemplating the quiet before the storm like she herself did. She felt so sure of it, deep in her bones; that this storm would be more like a warm whirlwind. She manifested it with all her might, it had to be. Even felt a tear trickle from the corner of her eye down her left cheek and sniffled. Oh Runa, she said to her in her mind. Please be good so I can be yours. Stars flickered around the white bright moon, Amund walked up to her and stood still beside her in the darkness. Somehow she had never expected to hope again, not truly. Now she actually did, the notion felt like a miracle all by itself.
“I think tomorrow is gonna be a good day.” She whispered to him. He lifted his arm around her shoulder, pressed her closer. Said softly back to her while she resisted moving away:
“So do I.”

*

Runa laid beneath the covers already, with only the bedside light on, she looked up at her black painted ceiling. Again they had tried to talk about pleasant things, getting to know each other. This time they had talked more about their respective families, some about their favorite subjects, not that she actually had any. In her tiredness she knew it was soon time to say goodnight. She yawned, the conversation was settling down, turned silent. She didn’t want to hang up just yet.

“Runa?” Sofie asked through the phone, broke the silence.
“Yes?” She answered, it seemed Sofie too dragged this as far as she could, a sweet sentiment, though just an assumption. A fair one, she reminded herself, she does like me.
“Do you think people are inherently good, or bad?” She asked further with her deep soothing voice, mellow in both tiredness and genuine tenderness. Runa looked up more while staring at the ceiling still, good or bad? Quite the question. Maybe, kindness, and evil made more sense? She had experienced both, countless memories from horrible schooldays, and horrid families or institutions flickered in her mind. Made her sigh with a gently tightening chest. She knew despite it, most of them were not evil. She could see it in their eyes, most who inflicted were sad, insecure, stressed, just a few stuck out with a gaze lacking of empathy. As if whatever showed emotion was flat behind them, calm in fury and laughter. Fredrik she knew, had such eyes. So she sighed and answered reluctantly:
“Hm, I’ve seen evil. But.. I don’t think most people are like that. My parents are good, that I know for sure. I get the feeling you are too.” Pure speculation, perhaps Sofie through her anxiety had become more empathic than most? That felt more believable than her being inherently good. Though she did indeed feel her parents were exactly that, it wasn’t completely out of the question that teens could be so too. Days ago she wouldn’t bother to wonder, she had known to not ever believe a teen would rise to the occasion for her. Slowly Sofie’s spirit loomed over such a mindset, proving it wrong.

“What about you? I mean, inside yourself?” Sofie asked further. Perhaps she too wondered about herself? It was a fair question.
“Oh, me? Hm, well..” Though she hadn’t felt herself to be properly evil, she remembered that feeling crawling around her spine and skin. As if a cloud only invisible to herself followed her, brought misfortune for anyone simply being in her presence. A memory so painful in hindsight first flickered, before beaming straight into her center. The door opening to this home for the first time. Marion had been reaching to shake her hand with gentle eyes, herself shuttering away, knowing they’ll hate her. That uncomfortable feeling standing around them, as if they waited just to torment her. Falling asleep assuming they were going to wake her at night, eventually finding herself hiding under the bed. 

She sighed hard, something terrible started taking shape. A pale face screaming and shouting, trying to reach her from under there, clawing just barely out of reach. Behind it, everything blurred and darkened. She narrowed her eyes, of course she felt bad. Seeing herself objectively was impossible. So she swallowed and finally answered ever so carefully:
“It’s hard to look inside, before I came here I didn’t even know what ‘good’ looked like, I think. You said people’s actions imprint on us?” Somehow a bright image beamed in her mind, behind her eyes every hit, look, and word pressed through her pupils and lit against something flat. Leaving something reminiscent of a mark, like a handprint, or calligraphy. Though more organic and swirly, even sharp and thick. The metaphor nearly wrote itself.
“Well then, I think people are kinda like.. plates maybe?” She added more securely. Plates, that could indeed work.
“Plates?” Sofie asked back, seemed amused in her inquiry. The image in her mind continued, as if every human went through a factory, being stamped in an assembly line. She had seen it on TV, a program about how things were made, braced to describe the following:
“Yes, you know those patterns that are dipped in ink and then they’re pressed against blank dinnerplates, to get more colors a different pattern is pressed over it, and so on. What we experience are pressed against us, leaving traces inside us. And that’s all we know inside, the basis for all we do, gives feeling to all we see.” When she finished she smiled, felt proud. This metaphor was shaping up quite nicely. She even felt surprised she did so well, a moment of false cleverness. Sofie responded in a somewhat sullen tone:
“So you think a bad pattern will stay forever.. on the plate?” So quickly it became sad, because of course it did. Sofie had been bullied, had anxiety, it was a reasonable question. Runa sighed hard, answered quickly:
“Well yes, but just imagine hundreds of patterns smudging together. Eventually the new ones just.. show more.” Like a canvas being painted over again and again, taking new shapes by each stroke. It felt hopeful, even for her. Paint caking on the plate behind everyone’s eyes, making themselves anew with every experience.
“Is that what your plate looks like? Smudges?” Sofie, clever and sweet as she was; found a way to ask without being specific. Runa grinned, figuring out what to say felt fun. The patterns caking together in differing patterns, beat and screamed in by a person. It didn’t seem rough enough. She closed her eyes, that terrible furious expression, those hands clawing so desperately to harm her, the darkness seeping through the void gave her chest and belly gentle pain. No, something else had to imprint harder, in a way that hurt.
“Well, mine is… sort of like if someone took a knife, put some black ink on it and just scraped it up. So it’s hard to look inside, to look back.” She responded as nonchalantly as she could, while that terrible heaviness sank in her chest. Sofie turned silent, maybe the metaphor was too brutal, even if it felt true?

“Oh Runa..” She eventually said in a low and slow empathic tone, soft and genuine enough to make her stomach flutter. This was bumming her out for sure, and being pitied wasn’t a nice feeling either. Was she incapable of being remotely positive, only having experienced suffering? Who’d want to be with a person like that? Her stomach sank.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.. forget about the plates, it’s dumb.” She responded quickly, looked to the side.
“No no, I get what you mean.” Said Sofie, her tone seemed lighter.
“It makes sense, the knife and the scraping.” She added, by the end her words turned slow and low. It felt like she understood what kind of force it took to actually be scraped up. A sad notion sharp enough to spike in her chest. If she knew, then, she must have been hurt too? In that very specific way, where everything inside crumbled.
“Oh, well..” She said quickly, tightened her brows. Think of something positive, something that could cheer her up.
“I also think that despite the scrapes, newer patterns can still show. Like, my parents, they’ve given me lots of nice ones.” It seemed to work, she heard Sofie grin. Her sigh had a very specific sound to it when she did. Having learned what kind of mood someone was in by the most minute sounds came to use.
“Right, so eventually the plate will become..” Sofie’s tone seemed lighter. She stopped her sentence as if Runa knew exactly what to continue it with. A lingering question, like she herself was the plates and patterns expert. So she giggled and felt her cheeks prickle warmly. That heaviness rose slowly.
“I mean, I just made it up right now.” She replied, sighed hard, and thought for a moment.
“But I guess the goal is to have as many patterns and colors as possible, right?” Sofie gasped excitedly in the most adorable way.
“Oh, and the more beautiful the experience, the brighter the color.” She said so happily, it made her heavy chest rise properly, and that terrible sharpness evaporated into a cloud of warmth and tenderness. The metaphor can be beautiful too, with swirling patterns in neon colors, made from sunsets and smiles shining through the eyes, imprinting beautifully on the plate. 

She grinned and nodded, responded excitedly in return:
“Yes and every new pattern with the same person just makes the colors stronger.” Sofie seemed happy with her addition, sighed so lightly before she said amused:
“I like how creative you are.” Runa grinned, her cheeks pricked firmer, and her stomach fluttered quicker.
“You think so?” She just had to ask.
“Oh yes, they way you think is interesting.” Sofie responded softly with no shred of dishonesty. By now she had learned some of her speech patterns, what specific tones meant. This one seemed tender, like a compliment with deeper meaning. The warmth and tenderness dressing her voice was evident. She wondered yet again what she looked like, what expression that soft face could conjure up. Just looking at her she was sure, would make the most beautiful pattern on her own plate, no matter the scratches. Something like the sky, like water and rivers, trickling and folding in bends.
“I bet your pattern is swirly and detailed and pretty, and bright blue like your eyes.” She responded softly to her, quickly Sofie gave off that beautiful rolling laughter, making her spine tingle amidst belly flutters and hot cheeks. After Sofie sighed deeply and hard, bittersweetly as if the wind passed her by without letting her feel it.
“And yours is probably wavy, like fire but softer, in bright orange.” She said in that smug and tender tone, Runa grinned widely with her teeth, looked up as she tried to imagine it. A pretty image, of fire curling like a bright sunset, passing through those beautiful blue eyes, straight in with warmth and ember. If she could choose what pattern to give her, it’d be something like that for sure. That gave her an idea.
“Maybe we sort of have a choice in what kind of pattern we give others?” She asked somewhat rhetorically. Though Sofie caught on quickly, unsurprisingly.
“I mean. Plates aren’t mirrors are they? It can’t all be reflected.” She said firmly, seemed caught up in the details, her speech had a dreamlike tone to it. She was right, a plate even with no patterns or scrapes, was indeed not completely reflective like a mirror. It worked on a more literal level as well. Most eyes she knew, reflected something they had seen, or didn’t want to happen. As if the thought went out the same way it came in.
“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe..” But people weren’t merely plates, nor mirrors. Something else had to be there too. As she thought hard she continued to speak:
“..there’s an observer.” Sofie gasped again in that adorable enthusiasm of hers, responded quickly and loudly:
“Oh my god yes, and it decides what to do with the plate and the patterns it has been given.” Runa grinned and nodded again, sat up and continued as her mind raced with the idea:
“Yes yes, that’s..” Eyes watching inwards, observing the plate as well as what goes through them, seeing every experience from the world at the same time. She wasn’t always aware of doing it, only during moments of clarity. Though she was definitely traumatized, and was probably not the model for normal child development, it felt right to believe children couldn’t look inwards at all.

“Well, maybe the observer isn’t there in the beginning. And it slowly appears, so that’s why kids and teens are so cruel, we’re..” She added, slowly laying back down. The cruelty of the world weighed on her, had her chest sink again, despite the excitement. She sighed slowly and looked to the side.
“We can’t see well, yet.” Sofie added for her in a low tone, seemed to feel some of the same somberness. It couldn’t just be a state of mind only belonging to childhood. That image of her terrible mother shimmered in her mind yet again. That evil, in that adult; still so terrible despite being able to observe, to make a choice what to express.
“But adults do awful things too, like.. the ones who scratched up my plate.” She had to add, despite it adding weight to that feeling in her chest.
“Your family?” Sofie asked carefully.
“My mother, among others...” Runa responded quickly, stopped herself from saying any more. 

Silence grew between them yet again, Sofie sighed slowly, Runa looked to the side with tight brows. She sure had a knack for making it sad, even when she tried really hard not to. She gripped her little Nokia cellphone firmly, felt a smidge of anger rise around her spine.
“Oh, well…” Sofie eventually said so gently. “Maybe for some, the plate is just.. broken.” She was indeed sweet even in her cleverness, Runa grinned and stared up at the ceiling again. She wondered if Sofie would comfort her if she was present, lie next to her and stroke her cheek with her cute little hands. The thought silenced her own self-hatred and made warmth glow in her chest instead, she grinned. Now to make her smile back.
“Or the observer needs glasses.” She suggested unseriously, hoped it was humorous enough. Quickly Sofie chuckled, even if it was faint and quick, that beautiful rolling rhythm to it sounded still.
“Yes, maybe.” She responded in soft amusement, making her cheeks prickle hot. She looked to the side again, gathered her lips firmly and let her puny mind float. Even if Fredrik had a broken plate, or was so nearsighted he’d be classified to be having some sort of mental deficit, that still didn’t feel right. The observer was still there.
“But I donno.” She added somewhat lost in thought, stared back up at the ceiling and said further:
“That doesn’t feel right either. ‘Cause like, that gives them a pass, for being horrible.” Sofie sighed quickly, seemingly in agreement.
“Yeah, I feel it too.” She said in a low, firm tone. “Some actions are just too awful, no matter how blind or broken, they have to be held accountable.” Her tone fell, and her words slowed down. Though soft and gentle, Sofie lowered her voice so damn sadly. So she did indeed speak from experience? It felt like it. 

Runa frowned, though wondering so curiously, she wanted to respect that Sofie didn’t want to tell her. For all she knew, bullying could indeed be terrible enough. What had she seen? It was better to stick to the metaphor, commit to the concept. Indeed, the cruelty of people didn’t explain everything, didn’t exist floating in the air; without anything happening to it. Runa narrowed her eyes, concentrated deep in thought. What was that called again? She had it on her tongue. Thought existed without looking as well, right? The observer though blind, could it still experience? Humans sure did.
“I mean, blind people still... you know, feel stuff with their hands and have a cane..” She responded. There was more than one way to orient themselves, though the plate and all its functions evaporated in this kind of complexity. So the observer had other senses then? Could it even still be called an observer? Sofie’s voice pierced through her thoughts, made her listen as she spoke:
“Right, the observer is still.. god this metaphor just keeps getting added to doesn’t it?” Her voice seemed amused again, caught in the details so adorably. She was right, this was getting too complicated to function as an actual metaphor. So she giggled, added joyfully:
“I know, it’s kinda fun.”
“You’re fun.” Sofie added so sweetly straight after. Runa smiled wider, turned her body and laid on the side. Beneath the covers she was so warm and comfortable. Though she figured it’d be even better if Sofie was there beside her, holding her with warm gentle hands, no doubt. Her cheeks prickled continuously, still her spine beamed just by the thought. This had indeed been quite fun, Sofie was so enthusiastic to add to whatever she said, seemed to obsess over every minute detail to make them correct. It was quite endearing.
“You’re cute.” She said back to her. Sofie sighed lightly, said in a tone so tender her stomach fluttered again:
“And you’re beautiful. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Her words gave her entire face heat, meeting her outside school, hugging her and kissing her. Runa bit her lower lip, held a deep sigh in, just so she could say:
“Oh Sofie, Imma give your plate lots of kissy marks.” Quickly Sofie laughed in that spine tingling rhythm, in rolls and rising, falling and tone. Fuck, she’s so damn beautiful, even through sound. Runa felt her spine quiver softly.
“Well I’m gonna give yours lots of kisses too, and swirls and blue.. “ Sofie said back so enthusiastically, it made her chest mush. It seemed whatever bodily sensations she could coax out of her came at intervals. As if it being continuous would be too much for her body so starved for kindness. Her voice had such power inside herself, every tone guided her through every flicker of joy, every fall of sadness. Somehow she was so graceful with such power, seemed conscious and kind with it.
“What was it you said?” She questioned further. Right, the pattern of blue. Runa chuckled before she replied:
“Detailed and pretty and bright blue.”
“Right, I’ll give you that. Oh I can’t wait.” Sofie responded quickly in a dreamlike tone. It was hard not to get caught up in it. Her literally heavenly blue eyes staring at her with tenderness, what those soft looking lips would feel like against her own. The sound of her laughter up close, staring at her smile.
“Me too, I’ll give you the orange flamy one, it’s gonna be the brightest fucking pattern evver.” She said enthusiastically. Sofie giggled yet again, sprinkled her torso with bright joy, while making her spine shiver even more. Then she sighed, as if she wished to get caught by that wind again. Clearly missing her, the notion was still so wild. Being missed despite never having been together, though she felt it too. That aching and longing had taken shape properly, blossomed in tingling and burning. She let it take over with a hope so bright, it surprised even herself. The conversation halted, silence gripped them both. Was she longing silently too? Probably.

Eventually Sofie broke the silence with her soft tender voice:
“So the observer is still there, it has other senses?” That was what she had thought too. Somehow she imagined a person fumbling, the observer flailing its arms, feeling its way through its own mind blindly. It was humorous enough to make her giggle.
“It’s like you’re talking about people!” She said loudly and enthusiastically. Sofie laughed right back at her, had her chuckle broadly along with her, as if a symphony of joy.
“No I’m talking about plates, pay attention.” Sofie responded gleefully, played along so easily. The laughter continued with them both, lasted longer than expected. When it quieted they both sighed long and hard, for breath and longing respectively.

Runa concentrated hard in this warm bliss, could feel her focus slipping. Surprised she had kept going this long with her slow broken mind. So the observer emerging slowly inside a being with a plate while growing up, even blind without senses, still makes some sort of choice, what to inflict, what to give? This time it was herself that broke the silence:
“The observer even blind is still there to make the choice, eventually.” Sofie seemed to groan happily in a whisper at the other end, imagining her undoubtably adorable expression made her smile. Then Sofie added firmly with a seemingly quick mind:
“The imprints and scratches on the plate happens and the observer.. god..” Her sweet laughter interrupted her speech. Quickly she added still rolling in tones of glee:
“It has to make the effort to make a choice what to do with it, what imprints it wants to give others, with whatever senses it has. Therefore it is accountable, it has to choose something.” Countless people she had met blended in her mind all at the same time, she turned from the side to her back, looked up to the side. How many had chosen anything? Was there a way to avoid responsibility, even inside oneself? As people, she was sure; some never choose anything, only afflicted devoid of inward awareness.
“Does it? What if the observer chooses to not choose?” Sofie paused, in the silence Runa grinned proudly. That was a hard one indeed. After a few seconds Sofie continued intensely and firmly:
“It can’t not give out imprints, choosing not to means death, lack of stimuli kills braincells, without any action at all the animal will starve. Action is a part of survival.” Runa bit her lower lip, tightened her brows again, felt her forehead hurting, still she grinned. The being, the animal, where was the limit? Exactly at what point in survival, does the observer begin?
“But what part is just, the body surviving and what are the actions followed by decisions?” She asked back just as firmly, sat up and stared at her dark chest of drawers, cast in her own shadow. Sofie turned silent once again, before she sighed and said more softly:
“Oh, hm. In nature the animal consumes without thought, it isn’t deprived with the aim to inflict harm without reason. Only humans harm decidedly and knowingly.” Runa looked up, for once she felt her mind quicken. Apart from her younger self pressed under the bed away from her mother’s reach, being held down and beaten in the face and stomach came to mind. How many adults could do such a thing, or worse? How many wars where people had been tortured or raped? Was humanity indeed actually evil, what was the worst thing she could think of that humans had done? Holocaust came to mind, did it compare to a cat catching a mouse, and pulling its little tail as it tried to run away? Of course it didn’t. The scale of evil sure belonged to humanity alone. But would the mouse in the claws of the cat feel terror? Experience prolonged suffering? One to one, alongside a human doing the same, was it actually evil?

So she looked down and to the side, at her dark reddish purple bedroom wall with band posters on it, finally answered:
“And animals don’t? Then what’s the difference between a cat playing with a mouse for fun, and a human harming another willingly, to cause pain?” The cat was teasing its next meal, maybe that was the key? Most humans don’t aim to eat another. Runa frowned her brows and looked over at her room, was it fair to assume most humans were not evil, when so many aided or directly contributed to numerous manmade killing factories? Maybe she was wrong, perhaps every human being had the capacity for it? Given the right conditions? Sofie’s sweet voice brought her out of slowly wondering if she too was capable of it, but didn’t know it.

“The difference is that humans have the capacity for choice in the first place.” Her words felt true, Runa grinned. It was already hard to imagine this one ever choosing to be unnecessarily cruel. Perhaps whatever integrity she harbored behind those pretty eyes was proof enough? That the observer had a choice, apart from directly life threatening conditions, many could indeed choose not to harm? She felt her stomach flutter, there she did it again without even knowing it. Pulled her away from the dark, stroking her with warmth only through her voice.
“Yes, the observer. Fuck we’re going right back to that.” She said quickly, heard Sofie giggle sweetly from the other end. Again her spine warmed up and tingled very gently, while her stomach fluttered more. Quickly she wondered if she affected Sofie in the same way? When she was done laughing so beautifully she started speaking softly, her tone smooth like a gentle song:
“We can’t find the answers to everything, I don’t expect us to.” She felt her cheeks prickle warmly, had to hear more of that laugh.
“Well I do!” She responded quickly and loudly, heard it again. Raising and falling as if planned beforehand, created consciously to be felt inside her own spine. She giggled along with her automatically, relished in the feel of her body heating up in flutters and prickles. 

It was easy to imagine it, standing in front of her, between whomever would want to harm her, and choose to defend her. Whatever her horribly scratched up plate had been through, if a girl like that needed it, she’d do anything to.. Runa gasped to herself, stopped her laughter. How easy it was to just imagine it, in the name of defence and protection. Her mind fell back to Monday, Fredrik and his pesky gang moving in on her, by now jumping in to protect herself was more like an automatic reaction, than a conscious choice. Had it always been so? She narrowed her eyes, how many times had she chosen violence, even when it wasn’t directly necessary? She tightened her lips and lowered her brows firmly, throwing chairs in the classroom, screaming at her peers, them always tormenting her. In grown adults assault was punishable by law, but not in self defence.
”Self-defence isn’t an actual choice though. Between that and death, by law, isn’t a person not held accountable? What imprints are made in the name of survival?” She asked still lost in thought, but listened when Sofie paused, seemed to think. Somehow that made bright glee enter her spine and chest. I’m actually making her think? A feat so surprising to herself, she started to become impressed. She knew she wasn’t actually smart, maybe there was something about Sofie that elevated her in some way? That her interest and cleverness somehow rubbed off on her, even through the phone?

“I think you should rather ask, what scratches are made, in the name of survival? That takes effort and intent.” Sofie spoke louder and higher, though not shouting she seemed eager to finally answer, even if it was another question. Now Runa paused, grinned with hot cheeks. Going with the metaphor, that actually felt right. Again her mind fell to such a horrible scenario of violence, but it being a morally good action in doing so. Protection, selflessness, she had done it before. In the place of some eighth grade boy in her parallel class, it was Sofie. With her long wavy blonde hair, big frightened eyes, still in oversized dark clothes. Nobody could ever claim such an action to be bad, even if it caused pain. So inflicting it doesn’t have to be immoral? Meaning to, in the name of something good, would make it..
”But effort and intent isn’t inherently bad.” She said, thinking out loud.
“If for survival, even for someone with an observer, isn’t it then; good? Or defending someone from violence, with violence, that’s a choice too, right?” Sofie sighed loudly, seemed frustrated, though she could still hear her smile.
“Well, yes, I guess so.” She responded softly. Runa smiled with her teeth, this was actually fun for them both then? So she added enthusiastically:
“Even still, the observer has limits. Everything about anything could be misunderstood. Who’s to say then, if it even is good?” Quickly Sofie seemed to answer, as if she too thought out loud, she started blabbering fast. Runa felt her chest mush and her spine glow, she concentrated while listening to her soft intense voice:
”The brain can still think it is. Morality in itself is subjective. The observer can be wrong. Its senses as well as its imprints and scratches influences the choice, which can be misunderstood, or ill informed. Even for survival, and not, everything is.. relative.” By the end she seemed to notice her unbridled intensity, slowed down and lowered her tone. Runa felt her cheeks remain hot, it was quite adorable, so much so she had to giggle.
“Yes the observer has limits, that’s what I said.” She said softly back to her, Sofie quickly laughed along with her. Loudly and vividly the tones of her wondrous laughter made her spine shiver firmly and repeatedly. Fucking hell, just seeing her smile along with such a heavenly sound again would absolutely ruin her, make her a flustered wreck. Seeing it once and remembering it was enough to make her sigh firmly when their laughter ended.

 “Oh, right, sorry.” Sofie responded so sweetly, seemed apologetic. It too made her chest mush, she began to realise what that feeling meant. She found her to be adorable, like that of a kitten meowing and jumping. Like a baby cooing and a puppy falling over its own paws. She felt tempted to tell her how damn adorable she found her to be, and even though she was sure she wouldn’t mind hearing it, she opted for some restraint.
”But I mean, that was pretty spot on. It seems you’re pretty and smart, would you look at that?” She said quickly, apparently restraint meant fuck all with that wonderful feeling in her chest. She became so weak to her impulses while feeling it, did she have to flirt with her? Sofie giggled again, it fluttered her stomach and beamed warmth up her spine another time.
“I could say the same about you.” She said back smoothly and softly, still being flirted back to was so new to her. With her cheeks so hot she looked down to the side, swallowed and responded timidly without meaning to:
“No.. I’m.. I mean I go to GC2 for a reason. And I look..”
“..Beautiful.” Sofie continued firmly by interrupting her. Runa grinned and sighed hard, felt her heart beat faster.
“And the things you just said were pretty smart.” Sofie added so sweetly, made her sigh deeply yet again.
“Oh well.. thanks, but I don’t feel that way.” She responded apologetically, hoped being insecure wasn’t a dealbreaker for her. Sofie seemed in a hurry to make her less so.
“Of course you don’t. You’ve been bullied all your life, for one.” Her tone was low in bittersweetness, but completely genuine. 

She wasn’t wrong, perhaps it was easier to comprehend such a truth from the outside, than inside herself? Weren’t people biased about themselves? The plate, the imprints and scratches, it indeed worked well to explain such a bias. Breaking her from the inside out, shading every perceived action negatively, based on the damage done to her own plate. A terrible image, in black ink and deep scrapes like cuts on skin. No matter the imprints coming after, nothing could erase it. Such a tragedy it is to be destroyed, and observe the damage when it was too late to do anything about it.

“My plate is all messed up I guess, even over those damn scratches.” She responded gently back to her, Sofie seemed to smile again.
“That’s okay. I’ll give you a nice bright print nonetheless, and lots of kisses.” Quickly a sweeter scenario came to be, of Sofie bending inwards right through her face and pressing her soft looking lips right on the scratches, giving off a bright blue lip mark. The contrast of it all felt moving, it made her chuckle.
“I still don’t get why you even want to.” She commented after, Sofie answered quickly and softly, giving her spine another round of gentle shivers:
“Maybe the moment you looked at me, you gave me a print so beautiful and bright; I just gotta have more?” That late summer’s day, though not consciously doing so; it was moving to imagine something orange and flamy going right through her tearful blue eyes, imprinting on a plate of which she didn’t know the state of. 

How would it be to consciously give her something good this time around? See that bright joy in her eyes again, like the one she expressed on that bus stop. Observe her fluster up close, see the skies in her eyes shimmer so warmly. Her stomach trembled just by the thought of it, she felt her strong heartbeat swish blood around her ears. It would undoubtedly be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
“..I wish I could give you one right now.” She couldn’t help but say, unintentionally that softness gripping inside her chest fell out her words, gave off a tone softer than butter. Gently she heard Sofie chuckle, still rolling and spine tingling despite being short lived.
“You already are.” She responded equally mellow, the statement surprised her. Even through the phone? With cheeks so hot she had to confirm:
“Right now, really?” Sofie seemed to grin, the faint sound of it helped Runa imagine it. The cheeks gathering on each side of her smile, with a dimple in each to boot. Her full lips stretching as if consciously constructed to be as beautiful as possible. How she wanted to see its splendor in person again, and tomorrow was the day.
“Yes, every phonecall, every text. Soon enough, every moment with you.” She answered so damn softly, even her own breath shook along with her spine and belly. That deep ache rose from inside her belting heart, how easily she’d hold those pink cheeks and press her close. Whisper to her whatever coaxed that sweet laughter out her pretty mouth. The ache though warm and soft inside her, also felt sharp and filled with pressure. Like a being wanted to claw its way out her chest, and stretch out for only her.
“Oh Sofie, I miss you.” The words fell out her mouth, as if spoken by the ache itself.
“I miss you too.” By now Sofie’s voice was more like a low gentle song, smooth and tender much like her own. Hearing it, knowing it to be true pressed the ache against her spine and gave her entire torso pressure. Just imagining pulling her fingers through her hair, stroking her cheek, pressing against her body; was enough to give her groin heat and softness. Having their lips meet she was sure, would be more blissful than anything she had ever experienced. The ache stirred in her chest still, slowly a pressure emerged behind her eyes.
“I can’t wait to hold you and… kiss you.” She added in a trembling voice, and sighed hard while her entire face prickled hot, both with affection and embarrassment. She tightened her lips in the tension, turned around and crossed her legs, and felt the gentle hum of arousal. 

Sofie sighed deeply on the other end, seemed to move too.
“God Runa, me too.” She responded in a softness so vast, it might as well have been her spirit reaching through the phone, pressing around her chest with hands and arms. Holding her tight, giving her warmth so deep and all encompassing, she'd never rise into fear ever again. Being close to her face, would she she realx into it? Even if she didn’t know what to do, feeling their lips press would be undoubtedly heavenly.
“Even if we suck at it, I don’t care.” She uttered back, and chuckled at the end. Sofie quickly giggled along with her, seemed flustered as well.
“Me neither, I just want you.” Somehow amidst the softness of Sofie’s response, there was a shiver and a focus in the deep tones. Giving her trembling spine heat and glow, making her groin hum higher. It was so easy to imagine their lips meeting clumsily, feeling what her tongue felt like with her own. If it was warm, and wet? Fuck, she frowned tightly with her briws and lips. Turned around again and laid her back and legs straight. In the movement she noticed moisture between her legs, and felt herself actually dripping just a little. She tried to keep it together, stretched her legs firmly and groaned. It seemed so damn long until they’d meet outside Gardencity school, hours upon hours first of the coming night, then the long day amongst her despicable peers.

“If only we didn’t have to wait the whole damn day to meet up, it’s too fucking long.” She complained, Sofie gasped sharply before she quickly responded:
“Oh! Maybe we don’t have to? Maybe you can wait for me in the morning? I’ve seen you walk past when my bus has arrived a few times.” She felt herself fluster amidst a slow gentle fog, falling down over her mind. Being with her before seeing any of them? Knowing tenderness before all that pain?

She tightened her brows firmly amidst the bittersweetness, that would make such a difference. To see her sweet smile and happy blue eyes, it'd make up for it all, be an actually good morning.
“Really? We can do that?” Tears gathered in her eyes as she asked, blurring her vision while she looked up at the dark ceiling. She gathered her lips in a happy frown. Sofie giggled yet again, making her spine shine and shiver with heat.
“Of course.” She replied so happily. “You just have to be there by twenty minutes past eight, we can hide away and I can kiss you soooo much.” Her tone slowly changed from gleeful to soft, low and gentle with a song loowming below. It sung of what to come, of velvety sensations amdist moist movements. Runa bit her lower lip, imagined them hiding away behind the school, endlessly pressing their lips and tongues together. The incoming stimuli amidst all that wet motion would be the best moments of her life. She wouldn’t care if she was late, wouldn't bother with anything else, but her. 

Her groin hummed still, she sighed deeply and slowly by its increasing wetness.
“That would be so great.” She said back softly, and looked to the side towards her bedside clock, it was almost two already. Though she didn’t want this to end, she realized; if she was ever going to be able to get up tomorrow, they had to stop it here.
“I think we better call it a night then, so I have a chance at getting up tomorrow.” She added timidly, her breath was burning hot.
“Yeah, okay.” Said Sofie, though she didn’t seem too disappointed, must be tired as well.
“See you tomorrow then, Runa.” She added tenderly, Runa grinned and blushed warmly, sighed and nodded as if she was with her already.
“Yes you will, good night. Hope you sleep well.” She replied to her, and heard her smile again before sighing lightly.
“I think I might just dream of you tonight.” Sofie commented in a gentle smugness, it had her chuckle amidst both the hum of her groin, and the tiredness of her mind and body.
“Maybe we’ll meet in dreamland then, and kiss there.” She responded happily, after she heard Sofie chuckle in her tiredness as well. It gave her spine gentle quivers. Sofie seemed to be moving, maybe even stretching on the other end. Beneath the covers it was easy to wonder, just how soft her body was.
“Mmmm.” She groaned. “I hope so too, either way, we have tomorrow.” Her tone was so tired and adorable.
“Okay, good night.” Runa uttered lastly.
“Good night.” Sofie responded, then Runa lifted the phone from her warm ear, and pressed down the red phone button on her little black Nokia. 

The silence was vast around her, but she spared no time. Quickly she put the phone on the nightstand, turned the bedside light off. Now the darkness was wide around her as well, just how she wanted it. She yawned and quickly pulled off her underwear beneath the warm duvet. She felt her own lower lips and pubichair be positively slippery with fluid. So fast did she begin to stroke amidst it, against her vulva near the top. A warm bead of delightful warmth and tingling was already there. She grinned and let her mind float, biting her lower lip. Sofie's thick soft lips opening against her own, a warm slippery tongue touching hers, maybe even pressing close with their bodies too. Were they going to be alone after school? She didn’t know what exactly she was ready for. But thinking about the way her breath would shake, what sound her dark beautiful voice would produce, exactly the expression of her stunning face when feeling her, it all set her mind aflame. The tingling increased amidst her rapid strokes, she felt so desperate and starved for sensations so wondrous. 'I want you', she’d say to her. 'You’re so beautiful.' What Sofie would say back she’d find out tomorrow. Just the thought of actually knowing her lips, her breath, her voice and skin, fuck. The pleasure rose and tightened so quickly, such little effort it took for her desire to blossom yet another time. Her body tightened, and her pelvis glowed from the center of her tingling shivering groin. She gasped and heaved, and lifted her gaze up, stretched her legs when the pleasure turned sharp and bright. Gentle moans forced themselves out of her, while she completely faded in the fog of her desire. So desperately it had risen, so quickly it fell again. 

She heaved warmly and lifted the covers off herself, she grinned and yawned in the darkness. Just when she started cooling down her phone buzzed and blinked in green. Quickly she dried her hand off on the sheet and picked it up, found a text from Sofie.
| Can’t stop thinking about you. Good night <3 xo | Runa bit her lower lip, in front of her only the green light from the screen and buttons lit her sight up. Hurriedly with moist fingers she started writing back to her.
| me too, cant wait to be with you xoxo good night <3 :) | Quickly she pressed send and put the phone back on her nightstand, she moved the covers over herself again and yawned, turned around to the side and got herself comfortable once more. 

Her eyes were so heavy, she closed them and sighed, smiled and wished to fall asleep in an instant. Tomorrow her life would change, she’d finally know, finally feel her. In the damp darkness her mind fell without her noticing, sleep caught her in its sweet embrace. It was almost like she was there already, wrapping her arms around her and pressing her close. She smiled and let herself fade, finally, life was going to become beautiful.

*

D: 25.10.05 T: 07:12 SMS chain:

Sofie: | Good morning! <3 :* |
08:25:
Sofie: | Where are you? I can’t wait outside forever. :( Did you oversleep? |
08:26:
Runa: | yes Im late! :O |
Sofie: | lol it’s okay, we’ll meet after school anyway ;) |
Runa: | sorry! and good morning!  D: |
Sofie: | <3 xo |
Runa: | :) <3 xo |

11:21:
Runa: | Im horrible, you shouldnt like me, I cant see u. forget about me. ur better off without me. I’m sorry, goodbye. |

11:22:
_______________
 Incoming call
       from:
—-----------
       Sofie           
______________

Chapter Text

Runa sat in the class right before lunchtime, today was a cloudy day. Still she stared out the window on the opposite side of the classroom. A gentle mist blanketed the houses furthest away, a few evergreens close to the building rustled in a weak wind. Behind there, not too far away at Gardencity School she knew; Sofie sat. In a bigger class, with a red wall and curtains, pressed against her desk. With long flowing blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she might just look up towards her in return, thinking about her as well. 

She sighed and smiled, leaned her hand against her jaw. Today was the day, finally their time together was drawing nearer. She had a warm lingering happiness in her entire chest, it had woken her early. Kept her smiling throughout the day, she had been calmer than usual. Still so completely distracted with that wonderful feeling, she imagined them meeting. In just a few hours it’ll happen, they’ll be jumping happily into each other’s arms, kissing and holding one another as tightly as they could. So easily she pictured her beautiful smile being so close to hers, staring at her with her bright blue eyes and pale lashes. She will see something then, that she reckoned she’s never seen before. While holding her slim pale hands, she’ll see again that they’d look so small inside her own. She wanted to stroke them gently, had never imagined anyone wanting her to. All she had seen apart from her parents, were withdrawals from even the smallest touch. Everytime it happened she tried to ignore what it made her feel like. For once someone would caress her as if she had never been gross, ugly, or less than. She closed her eyes, sighed slowly and hard. Today was going to be the best day of her life this far, she was sure of it.

“There we are again.” Said her English teacher Mona. She must have observed Runa be happy for once, when she walked past her she nodded and smiled. It surprised her, but she smiled weakly back at her. 

Then she turned around in her seat and picked up her lunchbox and waterbottle from her backpack. She noticed Fredrik staring at her with his icy blue eyes, focusing on her with a wide gaze. The moment the teacher left the room, he turned around and whispered with Alexander and Mathias, and a few other emokids. A strong knot in the stomach interrupted her happiness. She sighed hard, put her things on the desk, hoped they planned for something tomorrow rather than today. Quickly she grabbed her closed english book and stood up nervously, walked quickly over the book lockers. She got down on her knees and adjusted the lock to the numeric code, it unlocked and she opened the it, hurriedly put her book inside it and locked it with trembling hands.

“What the hell are you smiling about!?” He yelled, stood up. She heard him and a couple of other’s chairs move against the floor. But she didn’t reply, instead she braced herself in silence. Quickly she got up and jogged over to her desk, sat down and turned away from them. Couldn’t she conceal her glee even a little bit? She figured they’d never seen her smile much before, only when she barked back did their fury heighten. This was as new to them, as it was for her. Were they really annoyed that she smiled? Runa turned around enough to observe them, the knot coiled around itself and tightened harder.

“Seems like last week’s lesson didn’t get into your dumb head!” Alexander shouted with an over-exaggerated theatrical tone. Marlene, Rebecca and Ida laughed maliciously as always, before looking at her with cruel white smiles. Her spine chilled with tension and fear. Though anger bubbled gently beneath the surface. She hadn’t talked back to them, had barely looked at them. The anger bubbled hotter, she frowned her brows.
“How about we beat that smile in, it would be an improvement!” Mathias said loudly with a chuckle lingering in the back of his throat. The girls giggled along with him. Runa felt her breaths deepen, still sitting she looked for an exit. The door was on the other side of the room, Fredrik and Mathias had already moved in the way. 

She stared at them with focus, saw them smiling and getting ready. Were they actually going to do it in here? It had happened only once before, she remembered it so clearly. On her birthday, that day she yelled at poor Sofie. She had somehow managed to protect her face then, possibly because they were figuring out her strength. By now they could easily beat her face in.

She stood up, along with her fear a surprising feeling crept up inside her. Anger, not at herself for being bad or annoying or too happy. But at them, for responding to her happiness with punishment. So many times they had punished her for minute behaviours, insignificant for anyone but them. In her mind it had been fitting, convinced she was stained by something intangible. Surely she deserved it, she had reckoned. 

Quickly she realized as her muscles tightened around her spine, that something had changed within her. With focus she observed inwards at her plate, yesterday’s conversation came to mind. Scraped and messy, sullied and broken in tragedy, they seeked to do it again. Break her with suffering, and for what? How can her smiling quietly be an annoyance to anyone? How can her happiness be bad? So she stood up, now with fury flowing through her. She moved back against the whiteboard, lifted her arms like she had been taught at boxing practice. Today she had one goal, namely to protect her face.

Teens gathered around them, they started yelling for them to fight so loudly, it became overwhelming.
“Come on! Fight fight fight!” They screamed so sharply. Their shouts shot right into her mind, made it flare with pain.
“How about we don’t fight!?” She yelled back at them, mostly to be heard. Alexander moved closer to her, swung at her, but she moved away fast and he missed. Quickly he straightened his long arm in her movement, gripped the curls on top of her head. She groaned in surprise. He pulled her forward on the floor. She had unwillingly been moved to the middle of the invisible ring. Her class gathered around it. Only about twelve students, not counting the three boys planning to beat her, surrounded her. They were numerous enough to jump her if they wanted to. Bright fear shot up her spine, they seemed so tall around her. Circling her like she was a trapped animal, shadowing over her with deprived eyes. 

She got up quickly, made her battle stance, just like in boxing. Fredrik and the others laughed at her for even making an effort.
“Why do you even bother!?” Alexander screamed in a scoff. They laughed and made her out to be so ridiculous, pathetic even. Not a new notion, though this time she fought it.
“They all hate you, you know!?” Fredrik shouted menacingly and moved forward, attempted to land a hit with his closed fists, but he missed. Everytime she moved, terror shot through her, it rose firmly inside her ribcage, made her breath sharp. Anger fueled her all the same, she was angry this happened to her again. Furious that they were ruining her happy day. And depending on how this all went, the rest of her day with Sofie as well! If her face becomes too beat in, she might not even be able to have a visitor. Fuck, that can’t happen today! Not fucking today!

She narrowly missed many hits in a row to everyone’s surprise, including her own. Sofie gave her a focus she hadn’t had before. She started smiling, and saw Fredrik’s face grow redder. Then she observed to her dismay, that they started to coordinate. She knew this was her doom, so she backed away. 

Mathias grabbed her arm and threw her on the floor, this time she landed on her side. She fell straight on her hip, it hurt slightly and made her groan. Fredrik and Mathias both started hitting her while she was laying down, pain burst on her forearms, knees and shins. The terror rose again, while the anger persisted. Gradually her feelings emptied, everything she did became a reaction to what was happening, rather than an emotion inside her. She started kicking and screaming, somehow managed to protect her face still. The moments passed quickly, but she took it in painfully slowly.

She got up, outside her aggression reigned, yet inside she numbed. Painfully her body took over, but still she had some control. Tears pressed behind her eyes, a sharp terrible tone rose inside her, abstract terror erupted like lightning in every movement she made. Amidst firm painful hits and kicks, the tone rose in the static. There was something about the fight prolonging, that felt reminiscent of something intentionally torturous. They beat around her, pushed her, she kept her balance, the cheering slowed down. They observed her with excitement, though it was fading. Their shouts turned tired and less intense.
“Get her already!” Marlene yelled, breaking the silence. Runa began to hyperventilate, out of fear or exhaustion she didn’t know. She felt a numbness in her body, tears pressed out her wide open eyes. Fredrik and Mathias laughed forcefully.
“Fuck there it is again, that disgusting crying face!” Fredrik screamed and contorted his face into an expression of disgust. It seemed purposeful, he was so theatrical in his expression. Everything they said and did felt like a cliche, like some script already written. Maybe to them it’d be a comedy? The fearsome bullies, at it again! Though it wasn’t funny, nor entertaining, not to her. 

Her arms and legs beat with pain, around her belly and ribs it lingered as well. The fear shot through her spine, tears ran down her cheeks in gasping sobs. Would they ever get enough? Allow her to ever exist away from their disdain, or even just being happy? They wrote her destiny in blood, and she drowned in it. Quickly they all moved in on her, held her arms and pushed her against the wall, Mathias grabbed her throat and held it hard. A memory awoke in her.

A man grabbed her from behind on the bottom of a staircase, her frail and tiny body was flung by the neck, down to the first floor, and shoved against a wall. His big hands gripped her throat, he pressed his thumbs against her windpipe. Harder the pressure grew, she started clawing at his hands with her fingernails, he moved her from the wall and slammed her against it. A faint hum rose in her ears, her throat burned in the pressure. She felt dizzy, and her mind buzzed like static. She widened her tearful eyes, the terror of death consumed her, she looked up into the darkness above her. Faded in and out so quickly, the hum fell into a deep terrible tone, before it became completely silent. She was above herself, floating so far away. All her pain and fear faded from her. And she stared down at herself, alive, awake, observing herself crying quietly in terror. But she felt none of it, and then she blacked out.

It happened again, a piece of her detached from her body. All the fear and pain joined her, and she saw herself scream with terror. A hard primal scream, it surprised the boys. Her head hummed in that familiar highly pitched tone. Seeing it from above, far from it all, actions occurred without her feeling it.

Clawing at his hands, she screamed and flailed around herself, kicked Mathias in the groin, he collapsed in front of her...   Hands hit and gripped her, she fell over, someone jumped over her, she pulled him off herself without crumbling to his weight…   She elbowed one of them, tears blurred her vision still so far away, no pain nor fear…  Being over someone, hitting firmly with her fist, again and again, falling in and out of the looming darkness…

Two male teachers pulled her off them, screaming and crying. She breathed in hard, and the edges of her mind cleared. She became completely aware again, the terror she had felt in the beginning was gone. She was out of breath, eyes wide in shock, her head felt heavy, the highly pitched hum sank into a deep one. Mathias laid on the floor curled up, pressing his hands to his groin, moaning in pain. Alexander laid on his belly, moaning and holding around his head. Fredrik laid on his back, pressed his hands against his face. She saw his blood, then Alexander's blood smeared on the floor. It wasn’t that much, but it was an abnormal sight. She looked at her trembling hands, her knuckles bled and beat with pain. She noticed her nose dripping, so she touched it and looked at her hand, indeed she was bleeding too.
“Fucking hell, you’re fucking crazy!” Fredrik yelled furiously.
“She attacked us for no reason, something is seriously wrong with her!” Alexander added. The two teachers looked at her while she sat on her knees on the floor, she felt her innards tighten around her spine. Still wide eyed and in shock, tears gathered quietly with no sobs. Fredrik’s eye was already a bit red, his nose and mouth bled. Alexander had bloody wounds on his chin, forehead and lower lip. The teachers helped her up by force, pulling at her elbow, and made them all stand.
“All of you, come on!” One of them yelled. They walked out into the hallway still bleeding, past 9A, 8A, past the locker room and the main entrance, to the other side of the supplyroom. The teacher’s lounge, and the principal's office. Somehow the details were smudged, instead of falling in and out of darkness. Her brain scrambled to observe, making everything happen fast at intervals.

The principal was a tall and slim woman with gray hair in a black pants suit. Principal Henriksen, a bland looking serious woman.
“What on earth has happened!?” She yelled when she saw their faces. One of the male teachers nodded at Runa and said:
“This one needs some serious help.” Runa looked at him, as if he didn’t know that these boys beat her up on a regular basis? Everybody knew, the school was too small for them not to. The boys were seated on three chairs already facing the principal’s desk. One of the men pulled out a simple wooden chair for her to sit on and quickly walked out. She felt unsure what would happen next. All the times she had been beat up by them, this has never happened before.
“What did you do to them!?!” She screamed in a wide surprised tone, sprinkled with anger.
“She’s fucking crazy! She just jumped us unprovoked!” Yelled Fredrik and pointed at her.
“Yeah it’s true! She needs to be stopped!” Alexander shouted further. Mathias nodded in silence, still clutching at his groin. The principal crossed her arms and frowned at her angrily.
“Is this true Runa!?” She asked her with sharp loud tones. Runa lowered her shoulders in the chair, and looked down. Wiped her nose with her black sleeve, it was still bleeding, she sniffled.
“No, they attacked me first, like they always do. But Mathias started choking me and I don’t know... something happened.” She replied carefully, while looking inside herself for an answer. What the hell even was that? She didn’t remember it until it happened again, the event flickered quickly in her mind. 

Her body being pulled from that staircase, pressed against the wall by her throat. Two big hands gripping around her neck, thumbs pushing right on her windpipe. Horrible fear and pain, interrupted by fading in and out of consciousness. She tightened her brows, a chill went up her spine. Often after having nightmares she didn’t remember, she always awoke with a tightening sensation around her throat. She lifted her trembling aching hand, stroked her throat gently while looking down.

“I did that in self defense!” Mathias yelled and pointed at her with his big hand. Them all but Fredrik had their emo fringes all messed up, eyes wide with tension. Fredrik pulled back his brown straight hair, observed Mathias speak further with eerie calmness.
“She went nuts on us, I had to do something!” He added so convincingly terrified and angry.
“That’s not true!” She yelled at them. What the hell had happened to her? She had lost control, falling away from everything completely painlessly. Was she always capable of that kind of violence? Her hands started shaking more intensely, she looked down at them in despair.
“Okay okay boys, get your asses off to the nurse’s office.” The principal said calmly. They stood up and walked past her, she barely noticed. Quickly she fell apart in her own head, spiraling into terror. Was it the choking that did it? The door closed beside her, though she barely heard it. Seeing it all at a distance, fading from it, painless despite knowing it hurt, oh fuck. Could I do that to someone I cared about too? Like Marion or Harrald? Bright terrible terror rose sharply within her, or Sofie? Moving images scorched hurriedly in her mind’s eye, dazzling her exploding mind intrusively.

The man that choked her focused intently at her, wild and depraved he had known what he was doing. As she faded in and out his brows frowned determinedly. Slowly his face morphed into herself in the present. Her gaze filled with primal anger, lost to the detachment. The one in her grip being choked wasn’t herself, but sweet beautiful Sofie. Her blue eyes so big and frightful. In the silence only gasps emerged from her half open beautiful mouth. She saw her eyes staring at her in shock and terror, the blue fading from her irises, her face reddening as she tried to scream. Only a long wheeze came out of her. Her full lips turned blue, it spread out to the rest of her lower face, removed the redness and replaced it with a pale yellow-ish gray.  By the time she went limp, and slid down the wall she had been pushed against: Her entire face had turned into that terrible sickly color, her lips deep blue, her eyes bloodshot and glazed over. 

Runa would come to while bending over her, screaming loudly in terror by her actions, she’d try to wake her. But it was too late. She’d shake her limp body frantically, being completely disturbed by her own actions. Just when she had gotten to know her, just when the universe granted her an ounce of happiness, she was broken enough to take it away. 

She kept looking at her hands where she sat. All the evil humanity was capable of, she had seen it with her own eyes, felt it on her body. Every nerve connecting to her spine tightened, shot through her with a cold chill. It spread like lightning throughout her entire body, as she cried and shook while bent over herself. With a mind beaming in flashes, of Sofie’s dead limp body, cold and lifeless in her arms. She’d stroke her thick hair to the side, observe her stiff fearful expression and sob. The last feeling she ever had, was terror. Now her beautiful face would express only that, until she rotted in the ground.

Her chest ached terribly with sharp obsidian, erupting in spikes from the core of her spine. Still her terrible mind showed her the tragedy of Sofie’s death. Shaking while being still, she froze and stared intently at her trembling hands. Her sight got so blurry with her tears, the details of them smeared and contorted. What were the limits of her own capabilities in that state of mind? There are worse things than death, could Sofie awake in a hospital, with a brain bleed by her actions? Paralyzed and dulled in her gaze, half way gone, forever damaged. She fell apart amongst the violence and tragedy, her sobs grew high and uncontrollable. Could it be triggered just by being touched on her throat? She saw Sofie touch it, she’d flinch and Runa would fade, beat her face in beyond recognition. She’d scream in pain, call for her mother. Blood would splat against her knuckles. The terror grew too much, but the sobbing lessened. That highly pitched hum rose, burrowed terribly deep into her skull from her ear canals. But it wasn’t fear of dying that happened upon her. Instead a strong urge to make it go away glared at her consciousness. 

Kill yourself, take it away, only then will she be safe.

Every possible way she could do it in this room flashed before her eyes. Choking on a telephone wire, tying it into a noose and hanging herself on the nearest hook. Beating her head against the cup of pencils on her desk. In the panic she pictured every scenario in horrific detail. What the hell is going on?! She observed her mind in terror, countless ways to end it flickered on repeat, fast like bugs crawling right behind her eyes. Too quick and frightening to catch and kill.

“Runa, I hope you realize how bad this is.” The principal said while she bled and cried.
“You really need some professional help. This kind of violence is not normal. Maybe this is too much for your parents to handle?” She continued so carelessly.
Runa broke down into her own lap. Well of course! She’d be taken away from her foster parents, she saw their now terrified looks. Finally they had realized she was a danger to them all. They’d be wounded and bleeding by her unyielding terror and violence. The evil in her marrow spread through her blood. She had always been like this, a child of evil. Why else would her mother hate her? For countless teens and adults to be so mean to her, or dismiss her? The obsidian flared and spiked through her flesh.

I’m actually terrible, and evil to my core. I have to die.

She saw herself being strapped onto something in an ambulance, while screaming obscenities she’d be taken away, placed in some sort of specialized juvie institution. Drugged down to oblivion, so she wouldn’t hurt anyone else ever again. She should have hit that stone against her head last Monday after all, that way Sofie could still be spared. Gently she stood by the shore, on round stones in many sizes. The ocean teased her with its waves and shimmers, told her to come closer. She was made in the sour amniotic fluid of her mother, from water she came; to water she will return. Gently with her pockets full of stones, it’d be a mercy for everyone involved, if she walked into it. Fading by nature’s hand, instead of her own.

“You are expelled for the rest of the day, and you’ll get two marks on your behavior, and I really hope this brochure helps your parents find the right path for you.” Her principal continued firmly. A brochure was put in her hand, Tears from her face spilled on it when she looked down. It mixed with blood dripping from her nose, she bent over it and sobbed. All she got was a pat on the back, she was lifted by the arm and pushed out the door. It shut behind her, she bent down against the wall beside it and sobbed for a few minutes. The pain in her chest grew bigger, now with grief. She grieved her life with her parents. Her sweet house by the sea, the only love she had ever felt was now slipping through her fingers. She grieved sweet Sofie, and all the beautiful memories they could have made, if she herself wasn’t so horribly bad. She couldn’t let that happen. They could never meet again. She saw herself walking into the sea once more, it made her mind quiet down. That was the solution, the only solution.

Her mind focused, she dried her eyes with her big disgusting hands. While pausing and staring at them in front of her face, terrible words entered her mind: They’re murder weapons in the making. She’d make sure their true purpose never flourished. Make sure they never touched Sofie.

She sniffled and read the headline on the brochure as her feelings numbed. ‘Institution for the most dangerous teens.’ She read further, a few more sentences were enough for her to get the gist. Sugarcoated in pretty language it was a bootcamp of sorts. Extremely unusual in Norway. She didn’t know this sort of thing even existed. But she was bad enough for it. She’d fit right in there. Only she wouldn’t let it come to that.

So she had gotten up slowly, gone to the bathroom and wiped her face down. Hard only a nosebleed, a few marks on her neck but nothing much. She didn’t hurt anywhere but her knuckles. They had been bloody and beating with pain, but they numbed up quickly. So did her now healed up nose, she wiped her face, her hands, and cried some more. Her shame and sorrow faded behind her eyes, she compartmentalized it all for when she’d get home. Knew she had to hurry. Though she didn’t feel, her eyes blurred softly with quiet tears. 

She walked out of the bathroom quietly and found her classroom door. Her things had been thrown out the hallway, the door into her classroom was closed. She had picked up her lunchbox and water bottle, picked up her pencil case and a notebook, and pushed it all into her backpack. Quickly she had gone to her locker and gotten dressed.

It rained very slightly, the skies were still gray. She ran down the hill. No way Sofie was going to ever get near her. No way she’d let anyone in ever again. The scenarios played in her head over and over, her parents beaten half to death sending her away. Sofie dying with her hands on her throat, she’d become limp and cold, Runa would awake when it was done and scream, it was all going to happen to the sweetest girl she had ever met. She had decided to run all the way home, block her number and never talk to her again. A girl like that deserves someone better, deserves to live. 

She watched the world with eyes wide open, and sprinted, but when she was about to run past Gardencity School, she stopped. Tears ran down her face, but she didn’t sob. For some stupid reason she reached for her cellphone, she wanted to at least let her know she was going to be disappointed today. That this was goodbye. Runa wondered if that same thing would happen, the detachment; if she drowned herself? Maybe that was her salvation? She figured choking herself by the shore would do the trick. 

She stood silently by a lone birch tree close to the side entrance, a couple of girls sat on the bench underneath a patch of roof beside it. A small set of stairs ran down from right to left. Around her boots were fallen orange leaves, above her the branches were nearly bare. Why was she stupid enough to believe she could do any good to anybody? How silly she had been, believing even if Sofie truly liked her, that she’d have anything good or safe to offer her? She sniffled, started writing on her phone. She took her time with it, this would be the last she’d ever hear from her. The last anyone would hear from her.

| Im horrible, you shouldnt like me, I cant see u. forget about me. ur better off without me. I’m sorry, goodbye. | She wrote and pressed send. Oh how she wanted to see her, wanted to know her. To hear that calm soothing voice, see her beautiful smile and vivid blue eyes just one more time. Her face was numb, her emotions dulled even in her daydream. The two girls on the bench looked over at her as she continued to sniffle in the silence. She paused for a moment and took in the last time she would be close to her, even if it was a school building between them. Then she slowly and exhaustedly started walking. Her phone started ringing, she looked at the screen. It was Sofie, an ache peeked from beyond the veil. Her brows lifted, her voice. Deep smooth sounds in tones gentle and tender, amidst rolling laughter and wonderful glee, that voice rang from her memories. Endless conversations, of words that made her spine tremble. So she picked up the phone and pressed it against her ear with jittery hands.

“Hello!? Runa, what’s going on?” Sofie spoke in a tone so worried it almost made her feel bad for leaving her behind. She froze, though she didn’t feel much, tears filled in her eyes, she blinked and they dripped from her lashes.
“Thank you for making me believe, even if it wasn’t meant to be.” She responded nearly in a whisper, her tone was low and monotone. A car drove past her on the road.
“Are you hurt? Where are you?” Sofie asked back with ever increasing desperation.
“I just wanted to hear your voice one last time, and say goodbye.” Runa continued, the ache poked through the veil again, her eyes barred open, a chill went up her spine.
“Are you outside my school?” Sofie asked desperately. Runa looked to the side, how did she know?
“No?” She attempted to say with force, but it came out weak and unconvincing. Sofie panted hard on the other end.
“Stay there! I’m coming!” Her voice was so desperate it shook, breaking between her heavy sharp breaths. Runa looked down, a sliver of anger rose in her chest. She stepped back slowly.
“No don’t come, I’m not safe to be around.” She fumbled as her speech got sprinkled with distress. She herself was so selfish for wanting to say goodbye to her. So weak to give in, now she’ll see at what price. Anything could happen to her, what pain will she now suffer? What tragedy will befall on them both?
“I’m coming!” Sofie heaved in movement and desperation.

The door beside the girls sprung open, hit the wall hard and made a loud dunk. Runa jumped and looked up at it. Sofie stood in the opening, out of breath with her big blue eyes wide open. Her large black hooded jacket had opened, and sunken down on one of her shoulders. It revealed a blue tanktop strap, and her bare shoulder underneath. Her hair was somewhat messy, wide and wavy depicting echoes of movement. Its golden hues amongst pale blonde strands could've been the sun shining behind her, if she squinted when looking at her. But she didn’t, her eyes were wide in dulled awe. Staring up at the top of the stone stairs, clad in black iron railing. The girls on the bench gazed at her in surprise as well, a moment in time she already knew, she’d never ever forget.

Sofie hung up the phone pressed against her ear, and ran down the stairs, ignoring the girls completely. Her light feet in black leather sandals ran down the steps so fast. With skinny legs dressed with blue denim, beneath her long black hooded jacket, and her blonde hair flowing; she ran desperately towards Runa on asphalt, and jumped in on her. She lowered her hand from her own ear, and pressed her arms tightly on the sides of her own body. Sofie pressed herself against her forcefully. Her skinny arms swung around her upper back and pressed her so close, it nearly hurt. 

She stared at the school with blurred vision, the numbness was gently interrupted by an ache. A sharpness in her chest, beating slowly like waves of a nearly calm sea, rose from deep inside her chest cavity. In the darkness that feeling flickered like dust, drizzling on the deepest parts of her skeleton. She concentrated amidst the weakening numbness. Noticed the feel of her.

Of her heavy breath against her chest, the tickling of her messy hair on her cheek. Light sensation quaking in the depths, giving vibrations of sorrow up to the surface of her mind. She felt her tense frozen fingers jittering, in a wide purposeless grip of the air. Her brows tightened in the silence, the numbness of her face loosened. She barred her eyes open, realized despite Sofie being this close to her, that nothing bad had happened. 

She sighed sharply and felt her fingerjoints still in place relaxing. Slowly she lowered her head down, her trembling hands pressed carefully on her back. She gripped her phone against the fabric of Sofie’s hooded jacket.
“God Runa, you’re okay. I’m here for you. I’m here.” Her relieved voice breaking against her made the numbness lift more. Runa pressed her wet face against her bare neck and shoulder, relaxed more in her grip. The sensation of her soft skin moved something inside of her, and instead of fearing herself and saying goodbye forever, she felt relief. As the waves gushed against the bright sharp obsidian within, it smoothed her terror into musings she could will away. Telling her she had a semblance of goodness left inside. The thought of hurting her faded against her smooth delicate skin, she felt her chest aching with pain and shame. What even was that? Out from her chest through her breath, sobs pressed out, though she managed to do so somewhat quietly. 

Gently she fell forwards into Sofie’s sweet embrace, relaxed her neck and shoulders, and pressed her shaking chest against herself.
“Shit I’m sorry.” She whispered in a whimper.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” Sofie whispered back in her ear. She moved her slim hands behind her neck and stroked at it hard, Runa sobbed silently. Sofie’s soft human hands stroked down her back, and held around her torso. Against her smooth warm shoulder she shut her tearful eyes firmly, Sofie gripped her around her windjacket. Somehow making room between it and her backpack The ache in her chest was wide and sharp, black shiny spiky glass struck from the inside out, hurt her by each sob. Though it shrunk slowly.

After a handful of seconds she managed to constrain herself, Sofie released from the hug just enough to face her. Runa sniffled with a wet prickling face, looked at her with blurry sight. Even in her despair she noticed Sofie’s stunning beauty, with something reminiscent of dulled happiness. Her bright blue eyes looked at her with such gentleness, hers were glossy with tears as well. She blinked, her pale lashes moved down and up again. Her skinny nose and smooth cheeks grew pinker. With thick well-shaped lips she frowned with sincerity, then she pouted and leaned in, kissed her wet cheek just once before moving into a hard embrace.

Runa closed her eyes and gasped slowly as a single speck of warmth returned to her spine. The quiet sobbing lingering in her chest stopped, the corners of her mouth stretched into a weak involuntary smile. She let out a wide but quick breath, the sharpness withdrew back into her chest cavity. Still the glowing speck floated in her abdomen. Sofie leaned back again, Runa stared back at her, the speck spread gently in her now calmed breath. Somehow she kept on smiling carefully, Sofie sighed and grinned wider back at her. Though her gaze was still so sad, she seemed relieved. Her soft beautiful features and eyes of bright skies soothed the tension inside, slowly the cloud of warmth spread around her beating heart. Sofie looked down at her mouth and leaned in slowly, paused as their lips tickled against one another. For just half a moment her spine zapped in a jolt.
“Can I…?” Sofie asked smoothly in a gentle whisper. Runa ached at a standstill and nodded quickly, shook with desperation and leaned in. And finally, they pressed their lips together, and kissed. 

The moment they did, the jolt returned at full and bolted brightly up between her vertebrae. Her warm lips were smooth and velvety. They moved them slowly over and under each other, the tenderness made her whimper in her breath. The sensation of their lips touching made the cloud grow into a wide bright mist. Her spine shivered brightly like lightning, giving it swirls of warm water. She opened her eyes as tears trickled down, observing her with surprise. 

Her pale lashes faced down, with an expression so careful yet passionate. Fair brows curved quietly, her light smooth skin blushed into red. A sweet dance of muscles moved inside her face, elegantly pressing their lips together. As her chest filled with heat and her spine beamed with light, she teared up.

By each passing second she felt more, it made her desperate in the aching. She longed to be closer, and lifted her bruised bulky hand, pressed it against her cheek. Held her there carefully while the pressing of soft lips ensued. Still nothing bad happened, still the thought of hurting her felt unnatural. She whimpered again, with bright relief she kissed her just a bit harder. Breathed in forcefully through her nose, Sofie kissed her back more intensely. As if she had experienced this pain with her, and needed comforting too. 

In growing intensity the softness widened with trembling friction, inside enclosed wetness her spine vibrated hot. A tone from the depths of her core, from far deep beyond the veil, sang transcendently. In aching and warmth, while gripping her with hands and lips; she let this tone of tenderness float inside her. A faded hymn giving their movements meaning, finally awakening properly for her to notice. With no words its melody depicted the lightness of relief, the heaviness of passion. She fell to it without protest, consumed by the flutters offered to her. Giving every speck of it right back, making their closed lips blend into one another.

But then Sofie released, her bright blue eyes so tearful stared back in sadness and awe. Already she felt desperate for more, being apart from her lips felt empty in an instant. Gently her slim hand took Runa’s from her cheek, and looked down at it. She gasped silently at her wounded knuckles, before she lifted it to her lips and pecked them very gently. Runa’s wounds burned and she gasped steeply. Sofie’s face tightened with despair, as if she was about to cry. She dragged her hand along and said ever so tenderly:
“Come on.” 

They walked in silence a few meters up the hill past the staircase, before reaching the lone birch tree, turned towards the side of the school, and stepped along the wall on the backside of the building. No children from the elementary school attached to this one were playing outside, no kids on the jungle gym, nor inside the tiny soccer pit. In the eerie wind there was silence. She put her cellphone back into her jacket pocket. Quickly her mind flickered with the unbridled violence, the death and terror. And this soft and stunning girl had been witness to her terrifying reaction. Her chest sank into despair and shame, imagining the thoughts going through her undoubtedly beautiful mind made her frown. 

She hung with her head, stared at her boots as she began to return a bit to herself. Sofie held her hand firmly behind her back, her long wavy hair swayed from side to side as she walked, some strands shivered along the wind. They walked up a steel ramp hand in hand, walked through a door and entered a small side room with two doors. One leading to the main hallway on the second floor, and another to a small handicap bathroom. Sofie opened the second, and walked with her quickly inside. 

She closed the door after them and locked it, turned to her and smiled tenderly at her with sorrowful eyes. Gently she took off Runa’s backpack and put it down on the floor. Then she timidly opened her red windjacket. Her bright blue gaze was focused with soft despair. She then leaned in quickly and hugged her again. Now with her skinny arms against Runa’s back inside the jacket. Her hands pressed on the backside of Runa’s black sweater.

In the silence and privacy she couldn’t avoid feeling it all. It broke out her chest and mouth the moment her mind got to be still. Her terror, her grief, her death. She pushed her face down against Sofie’s bare shoulder again, who quickly moved back and pulled her hooded jacket off, and embraced her head and neck with her bare arms. The sobs exploded out, loudly and painfully it emptied out of her. Sofie held her and stroked her back as Runa collapsed against her. Her face tightly contorted amidst howling sobs as her knees hit the floor, Sofie sat down still holding her. All the fears of hurting her, and of dying left her. She felt Sofie’s slim soft hands stroking her neck and back, by each caress she began to slowly return again. Hesitantly she began to feel like she was going to live, and the aching faded out her heaving breaths. Finally evaporating outside her body.

The tears dried and she could think clearly again. Sofie released, but held carefully on the sides of her lower neck. She was so relieved Sofie’s touch didn’t make her fade, she was instead so calmed by it. Sofie looked down at her neck, then up to her face. She must have noticed the marks on her skin. She moved one of her hands from her neck, found Runa’s wide bulky one and lifted it up, looked at her knuckles again. She sighed, her beautiful lips relaxed and frowned with sadness, she kissed it again even more carefully. Then she moved Runa’s hand up to her face and placed it on her cheek. It was pale and pink, her bright blue eyes were somewhat glossy with tears. Her soft pale hand pressed against hers, the pink in her fair cheeks deepened. Then she let go of it and pressed both of her small hands against her own cheeks, and stroked them in unison. Her thumbs dried off her own tears. Aimlessly her hand fell slowly from her cheek, and instead pressed between her shoulder and slim neck. Her skin was soft and warm, the feel of her warmed her spine up, gave it gentle shivers behind her hot expanding lungs.
“You’re not horrible, you’re so lovely.” Sofie whispered in her deep soft voice. “Don’t believe anything they say to you. Please don’t ever say goodbye.” She continued in a jittery voice, seemed to struggle to keep it together. Her lower lip and chin trembled in her stiff smile and sorrowful eyes. Runa looked down ashamed, she felt undeserving of every word she said. The obsidian lingered still, pulling forwards a notion of shame foul with rot. Sweet Sofie had witnessed her in such a state, given her terrible fright for someone so undeserving.
“I’m so sorry.” She said and lowered her head, the sobs emerged and tightened her face.
“Today was supposed to be a good day, and I blew it.” She said amongst her breathy sobs. Sofie pressed her nose and lips against her cheek, pecked it tenderly before responding:
“Hush now, it’s okay. Sometimes we get the day we get.” She whispered, Runa’s sobs quieted down quickly by the gesture. Somehow she had the power to quiet her shame and guilt, nobody had ever given her such tenderness up this close before. Perhaps she was weak to it? Weak to the word of someone so beautiful?

Sofie moved her hands further back and stroked her neck again, it felt so good she noticed the crumbs of warmth rising and igniting again. This time prickling in her cheeks, she sniffled and stared back at her. Despite it all, her concern and touch made her start to feel gentle happiness. It mingled with her sadness, swirled in a bittersweet whirlwind in her stomach and breath. Her big blue eyes were so tender, her touch so careful. The ache in her chest got filled with warmth, she sighed hard and looked down.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that, I wasn’t… ” She whispered, looked to the side and lowered her head. Her shame began to engulf her mind once more, slowly the reality of it started to hit her. She had planned on actually doing it, her mind flickered with the rocks in her pockets, her quietly choking herself by the shore, before stepping into the raging ocean. Her brows tightened, tears swelled in her eyes. Her mind was clear enough to resist the urge, viewing the tragedy from afar, it all looked so terribly sad. Closing in on the reality of drowning, even while numbed, it all turned so completely frightful. Terror beamed up her spine.
“Fucking hell.” She whimpered in terror and shock, and processed it in abject horror. Her body froze, tears dripped from her eyes while she was completely still. Sofie pressed her face close again and hugged her tightly with her arms. She felt her soft lips kiss her right cheek hard repeatedly. It helped, she snapped out of it and sobbed, bent down against her neck. The need to die faded slowly but steadily, she felt relieved to be here with her. While her sobs quieted down, she sniffled in shame and sorrow.

“Shit, I wanted our first hugs and kisses to be happy.” She said as her voice broke, before she sniffled again. Sofie moved back and lingered right in front of her face. Her beautiful eyes were so glossy, tears trickled down her cheeks as well. She sniffled too, her thick well-shaped lips frowned when she sighed.
“It’s fine, I’m just glad you’re here.” She whispered and smiled weakly. Runa felt her cheeks prickle hotter. The ache to do it again shot through her chest. She leaned against her nose and looked down at her mouth, Sofie closed her eyes and moved forward so eagerly. Their lips touched gently, salty tears mingled with their emerging spit. The soft sensations made her spine tremble with delightfully warm beams, her heart started beating faster as Sofie carefully dragged her lips over her own. She started feeling somewhat normal again, her head began to beat with gentle pain. While her clenched neck relaxed just a little, but hurt slightly. They released, Sofie pressed her into a strong hug yet another time. Runa leaned her head in-between her neck and shoulder again, stroked her face against her soft skin and groaned. Her slim fingers caressed the back of her sore neck, it made her smile as she sighed deeply. She moved her arms beneath Sofie’s, and around her in return, held her back tightly.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Sofie asked in a gentle whisper. Runa nodded and cleared her throat, moved back and faced her.
“It’s pretty dark stuff. Do you think you can handle it?” She responded, Sofie frowned with genuine sadness and worry. Repeatedly her beautiful face kept tightening up into such sad expressions. Despite it being a testament to her good nature, Runa couldn’t help but feel bad on her behalf, for bothering to care.
“Yes, I want to hear everything.” She said carefully, Runa sighed hard and frowned, stared her in the eyes. As Sofie’s stunning face relaxed into a smile, Runa felt a cloud of heat spread swiftly into her entire torso. 

That terrible feeling like she was doing something wrong, or was not worth the trouble, finally began to fade a bit. In its absence she observed her with sharper focus. Finally she began to appreciate her stunning beauty in all its glory. So she smiled weakly at her, now with glowing heat in her cheeks and spine, Sofie smiled so sweetly, so beautifully back to her. She actually wanted to know, wanted to help her? How could she ever think she’d hurt this beautiful girl? She had been drowning in despair, it had blinded her to her own reality. But now that Sofie had pulled her head out of the water, it felt like a different world. Could she take it? Hearing what her life was really like? Above water it seemed so trivial, telling a girl about her bullies. Here on the surface, what mattered was her glorious presence, her gaze so caring and tender. I’d tell her anything she ever wanted to know, she realized. Just so she’d stay.

“They said I was too happy.” She started it with, it made Sofie scoff in anger already, Runa grinned wider. Sofie pressed her close into a gentle embrace, it made her pause and sigh against her cheek. A joy rose within, she smiled wider with prickling cheeks. Though it quickly faded, she went through the fresh memories in her head. Her classmates gathered around her, them cheering, their excited expressions while she ducked away in despair.
“So, they said I hadn’t learned my lesson from last time. It happened in the classroom, which was unusual. Everyone in class cheered them on.” She continued timidly, a bright spike of anger rose inside her stomach, and shot up between her lungs. All it took for them to treat her like that, was seeing her not be miserable? How fucked up is that?
“Fuck, I even asked them not to fight. ‘Cause I wanted to keep my face intact..” She added quickly, but slowed down the tempo and volume.
“..for you.” She ended it with slowly. Sofie released and kissed her cheek softly. Runa moved back, faced her directly once again. With warm prickling cheeks, she moved back and looked to the side, tried to focus.
“I managed to evade them for a while, which surprised them, so they went harder on me than usual. One of the bigger boys, Mathias, pushed me against the wall and started choking me really hard..” She continued, Sofie gasped at the end. Her eyes opened wide for a moment, in her sympathy she was terrified. It was enough for the pressure behind Runa’s eyes to re-emerge. But she kept it together. Sofie lifted her hand and moved it to her neck, when her fingers touched it, nothing bad happened yet again. She sighed with relief and closed her eyes, her gentle touch was instead calming. While Sofie stroked her neck carefully with her fingertips, she continued:
“It must have reminded me of some old memories I didn’t even know I had. Something similar happened, and it was like I was removed from my body and felt no pain. When Mathias choked me, that happened again. But instead of keeping me still and subdued I just..” She paused, quickly her thoughts shimmered in terrible images. Of herself clawing and screaming desperately at him, bending over him in pure angry terror and kicking him. She had faded then, her mind fading in and out of darkness before being over another one, screaming like a rabid animal. Bright terrible shame struck her, even anger at herself rose within. She didn’t want her to know how horrible she was. While still gazing downwards, her eyes watered, tears started running from them. She sniffled, Sofie noticed and stroked her cheeks softly. Faced her with a sad and gentle expression, before she leaned in and pressed their cheeks together. The feel of her skin calmed the pressure behind her eyes, she sighed deeply and unclenched her neck.

“You, what..?” Sofie asked so softly with her deep beautiful voice. She felt her spine quiver warmly. How could she not say it? That tender tone lulled her shame just enough. Not meeting her gaze helped too.
“I.. fought back, though I just barely noticed it, ‘cause I was sort of somewhere else. But I beat them up worse than I thought I was capable of. There was blood on the floor, I was pulled off them.” She finally responded, her face tightened in the stillness. The pain and shame struck her chest like a spike, rose from her stomach going up between her lungs, piercing her inner wounds, had them flaring and writhing in torment.

It’s been there all along, even as a child it was plain to see to anyone but me, that I’m evil. 

The obsidian crackled as it grew into sharp spikes yet again. It vibrated terribly as it tore out the flesh around her heart. You’re a child made of evil!
“Fuck Sofie, you deserve so much better. I’m bad, I’m so horrible and baa-had..” She said in a voice steadily breaking, her chest shook in sobs. Sofie quickly pressed herself harder against her, held her firmly when the sobs gained volume. It had to escape her terrible being, shake out her windpipe and escape through her sobbing voice, tearing her tones apart just like her flesh. Spiking horribly in the ache, so deep it burned, she shut her eyes and pressed her harder to herself. Sofie swayed her gently from side to side, like a mother rocking her infant to sleep as it screamed. A gentle hum was found as Sofie said:
“Hush now, you really aren’t, it’s okay...” The rhythm of her swaying was soothing, the obsidian retracted surprisingly quickly in her sweet embrace. Surprised, she leaned back and sniffled with wide eyes, and looked at her through slightly blurred vision. 

“Runa, hey, you clearly acted in self defense, that doesn’t make you horrible.” She said softly in her defence, it was a sweet gesture, though it felt undeserving. The blue of her irises shimmered with tenderness and sorrow. Stared with such a warm and tender gaze, her spine shivered with warmth. Sofie smiled so sweetly back to her, in an aura of security and kindness she gazed at her. She didn’t seem even a little bit afraid of her, why wasn’t she?

Runa felt her cheeks prickle firmly as her heartbeat rose, she sighed hard in the pressure as it eased up, her torso filled with swirling warmth yet again. Sofie’s beautiful face relaxed and grew more serious.
“How do you know?” Runa asked firmly and lifted both of her hands, pressed them against her soft pale face. All the feelings returned, the fear and shame flooded her mind vividly. The blood and blind fury, fading in and out as if she was being choked still. Though this time she managed to keep herself tethered to reality. This time it felt like a gust of cold wind arriving from behind, it was still chilling, but was separate from her. Still she fumbled, processing the contrast of Sofie’s warm presence as her spine chilled.
“What if you do something that triggers it, and I just.. go nuts on you?” Her face tightened, the bond to her sanity snapped, and she continued as the past seeped into her conviction yet again.

You can’t be good, you’re a child made of evil. You’ll kill her, destroy her, like you do with everything good. She’s too good for you.

“I never ever want to hurt you-huuu.” She sobbed, Sofie gazed at her with shock and sadness.
“Then don’t.” She quickly responded with a breaking voice. Runa bent down into her grip, Sofie embraced her firmly with her arms, stroked her upper back intensely. Runa leaned into her shoulder and neck again, the pain entered her body from behind her once more. Pierced her from the bottom up. She groaned in pain and sobbed with closed eyes, Sofie swayed her back and forth yet again, till the obsidian withdrew.

It took a minute before she calmed down once more. Gently in the sorrows she felt a bond tethering her to reality, shimmering with a single golden thread. She sighed with exhaustion. Bared her eyes open against her neck, began to feel disturbed by her own mind. She was losing it and gaining it so rapidly, unable to keep it still to know what was true. Which one was it? Was she incapable of ever hurting her? Or she was evil and would hurt her even if she didn’t want to?

“Oh Runa, I don’t think you have it in you. Look at you, falling apart just by the thought.“ Said Sofie with a sweet tone. Runa lowered her hands from her back and rested them on the sides of her thighs. She cried silently and sniffled, shook her head slowly. She was indeed crying just by the thought of it, could that be an indication of her true capabilities? Even unaware, she had hurt them, if she faded again against her, would she hurt her too? A sharp terror struck her spine, her eyes widened with fear.

Sofie leaned back and met her eyes again with a tearful smile. Why wasn’t she afraid of her after knowing what she’s capable of? The terror faded by her calm gaze, the blue shone like a summer’s sky she’d hope to soar in.
“You really aren’t afraid of me? Despite everything I’ve told you?” She asked timidly, though she was somewhat flabbergasted by her sense of security. Sofie lifted her hand and dried a tear from her cheek, then stroked it to her ear and touched some of her curls. She looked down to the side, her cheeks and nose rose to pink yet again. Her smile was soft and beautiful. And her gentle gaze made her spine shiver with warmth for just a moment.
“No, I’m not. ” She answered softly. “This doesn’t seem to be about you, but about something instinctual.” She continued with such conviction. Runa frowned firmly with her lips, and tightened her brows in despair.
“What makes you so sure?” She asked back. Sofie sighed and smiled, as if the knowledge she possessed could save them both from an untimely death. And maybe it indeed could? 

Her full soft lips stretched over her straight white teeth. A beautiful smile shaped up just for her. She lifted her gaze, her pale lashes moved up. With blue irises vivid and focused, deep blue iris rings framed the heavens in her eyes. Still they were glossy, she sniffled quickly and answered her in sweet lulling tones.

“When I first got my panic attacks, I went to the library and researched mental disorders and such.” She said, relaxed her smile and gave her a serious look. Runa grinned just a little bit, this gave her some hope. Yet again heat rose in her chest, the despair started fading, slipping from her fingers like sand. Sofie had such power in her eyes and touch, her smile and disposition. Being lost to it felt like floating, her words were already so thrilling.
“I read about lots of different things. And what you described reminded me of something that I found.” She continued, must have noticed Runa’s careful hopefulness, because she started smiling properly again.
“Okay, and?” Asked Runa. The terror faded completely, and warmth and longing for her rose in its place. Runa looked down at her soft small nose and pink cheeks, her beautiful lips as she started speaking again. Gently a high swirled inside her breath, quickly her cheeks burned hotter.
“Well.“ Sofie said. “First of all you must really have experienced some sort of detachment, but that’s like: A primal response, the brain does it to protect itself from pain. So you can either die painless, or fight to survive without it. It must have also triggered your fight or flight response. You’ve heard about that one right?” Runa had looked to the side to concentrate, nodded while rising from her focus, she was amazed how right her words felt. Just how smart is she?
“Right. So, you experienced something that reminded you of a past experience, it sounds like a flashback, which is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.” Continued Sofie, she looked down. Her focused gaze faded for a moment, slipped to someplace else. Her face relaxed into something expressionless. Runa touched her cheek carefully, she blinked and lifted her blue eyes again, stared at her with a somber expression.

“Ptsd, right. I know about that one.” Runa said softly. Sofie chuckled and responded:
“Sorry, I don’t know how much you know.”
“It’s okay. Go on.” Runa reassured her, Sofie smiled sweetly with pink cheeks and grabbed her other hand. Twinned their fingers together between their chests.
“So then, maybe your brain reacted like you were about to die? Sure sounds that way to me.” She said further. Runa looked inside herself again, the fresh memories of the fight, of her terror, her pain, how it all unfocused, how she faded away from it. Her fighting had indeed changed into that of a trapped animal. Holy fuck, Sofie might actually be right?

“So no, Runa. I don’t think you’re bad, or horrible, or dangerous.” She said with tenderness, and pulled her out of her mind with a gentle stroke against her sore neck.
“You’re a living being reacting with your primal survival instincts. Everyone has them, not just you. Anyone can be pushed into it, if scared or hurt enough. You don’t have any control in how you react, it says nothing about who you are. You can still be good.” She said lastly, and paused. As if her voice of reason wasn’t the force of reason, of salvation. It made her back away from the ocean and look back up at her, and only her. Tears pressed in her eyes, it all made so much sense. Maybe she wasn’t capable of evil? What she did instead was fight for her life, like any animal would? Tears ran down her cheeks, Sofie frowned, Runa grinned at her properly.
“Wow, Sofie.” She whispered. “I think you might be right.” Sofie’s hands gripped her cheeks hard.
“You can’t be bad if you fear and try to avoid hurting someone right? That only means you’re good.” She said earnestly with teary eyes. She was so beautiful even when she cried. Runa remembered their first meeting so clearly now. Seeing her tears made her step back and feel regret. She didn’t even want to hurt her feelings when she was a stranger. How could she ever be capable of hurting her at all, now that she cared for her? So she sobbed, nodded and laughed.
“Thank you for telling me that.” She said as her voice broke, Sofie leaned in again and kissed her cheek. Runa sobbed silently for half a minute, before the terror and fear finally and completely died down within her. With a heavy body she couldn't help but soar. Still joy rose from the ashes of her despair. Amidst her increasing pulse her face burned hotter. She let go of Sofie’s soft little hand, lifted both of her own broad ones and rested them on her pale soft cheeks. They were reddened by her touch, she smiled so beautifully back at her. 

She gazed with tender blue eyes, nobody apart from her parents had ever given her the benefit of the doubt. But Sofie gave it so easily, even without knowing her. Somehow she felt so understood, so seen by this glorious girl in her grip. It moved her in the place her longing had lingered all night and day after meeting her again. Behind her eyes pressure rose, she had their noses stroke gently against one another. Felt a pressure behind her eyes, they teared up while she grinned. Sofie sighed with a shaky breath, looked down at her mouth, seemed in awe as well.
“You really are as smart as you are beautiful.” Runa whispered playfully, Sofie giggled up in her face. It sent shivers up her spine, she sighed and grinned. Her chest ached so hard to be closer, so she desperately leaned in and pecked her, moved her lips around hers harder than intended. Her spine bolted with lighting, she felt her stomach flutter firmly as her entire torso shivered with heat. Desperately she clung to her lips, frowned her brows and teared up. Her heartbeat was so fast, she could hear blood gushing through the veins near her ears. With cheeks prickling like falling snow, she felt Sofie kissing her back just as intensely.

When she caught herself in her sudden passion she felt embarrassed, withdrew and looked down. Now with her entire face hot, she felt Sofie moving her hands up to her shoulders. Had they not been sitting she was certain; her knees would surely tremble. Tears lingered in her eyes, but the mood wasn’t somber anymore. These tears rose from the warmth and light Sofie had set ablaze within her. She grinned warmly back at her, stroked her cheek with her slim pale fingers. Runa looked up and met her tender blue eyes, pale lashes and pink cheeks. So fast that pretty face leaned in and kissed her hard, it made her spine shiver. She sighed through her nose, held her face and dragged their lips firmly over each other. Though in harder pressure her lips were still so warm and soft. Hers prickled gently like a blush, in soft friction it felt so good, she felt her chest explode with shivering heat. 

After a handful of seconds they released. Sofie grinned with bright red cheeks and said:
“I think you’re good anyways, I saw it in your eyes when you first looked at me.” She spoke so earnestly with tenderness, leaned back a bit and looked down to the side. She too seemed embarrassed. Runa’s breath shook, her words didn’t feel real, but she knew they were. This was actually for real? She held her beautiful face still, observed her expression in awe at all the beauty radiating from her. In wonder by the notion they probably felt the same for one another in this moment. Like some blessed fluke, happening so randomly it was hard to wonder; just how lucky she had been to meet her that late summer’s day. 

Sofie closed her eyes and continued:
“I know we just met, and that in truth I don’t actually know anything but...” She whispered and opened her bright blue eyes again, her blonde lashes flipped upwards, with eyes so tender, her pale cheeks blushed in deeper pink. A strong warm shiver traveled up her spine just by looking at her, her cheeks prickled in firm warmth.
“You’re so good, I just know it.” Sofie added lastly, her voice was deep and quiet, yet so filled to the brim with wide and deep emotion. Runa’s hands trembled against her cheeks. Tears started falling from her eyes again. Her words hurt as much as they lifted her up. Has humanity always been this good, just never to her? The potency of the human spirit was right in front of her. It felt intentional, destined even, like some cosmic apology. Runa shook her head in bewilderment, tears trickled down her cheeks. She realized she was crying with actual happiness, as well as relief. Sofie grinned with soft glossy eyes. Runa smiled back at her.
“Where have you been hiding?” She whimpered in a quick giggle. Sofie’s brows tightened in sadness, but her smile widened against her bulky hands.

Indeed the world had pushed so painfully against her, for as long as she could remember. But here in this moment, between her hands was a personification of the kindness she had been missing out on. The very thing she never dared to hope for, and here she was. A real life girl, with real feelings for her, along with actual kindness and caring for her. There was no good explanation for it, yet here it all was, in the most pleasing shape possible.
“How come you’re so kind?” She asked further with a trembling voice. Sofie tightened her brows and frowned in a gentle but angry expression.
“How come they’re so mean?” She asked in return in a hard whisper.
“How could anyone treat you like that?” She continued, then she lowered her head and looked down, sighed slowly before gazing up at her again. She felt her hands move behind her head. Her brows lowered in compassion and sadness. But then her eyes became tender yet again, her face relaxed into a soft expression. It made her stomach flutter, the sight of her gave her spine burning quivers. She realized she had no good answer for her, all she could do was point out the obvious.
“It has just always been like that, most aren’t as sweet as you.” She responded softly. Sofie’s cheeks grew pinker, it was just the reaction she craved to see. Her glossy eyes looked down at her mouth, her pale lashes moved along with them. Her brows tightened in anger for just a moment.
“God if I was there I’d do anything to make them stop, just imagining it makes me want to cry.” She whispered. A gentle tear trickled from the corner of her eye. She was so damn good, everything about her was so intensely beautiful, it shook through her entire being. And made the hairs stand on her forearms underneath her sweater, had her lip tremble for just a moment. How could she ever say goodbye to a girl this wonderful? How could she ever deny her whatever joy she had to offer? Or deny her anything she could ever want?

Sofie’s gaze lifted, her stunning wet eyes stared at her, and actually saw her. She felt observed with sympathy and adoration. Knew she had never been looked at this way before, surprise shot through her chest. The bright blue sky shone in her irises, giving her a world so light and hopeful. How could someone so stunning and kind have feelings for her? 

She grinned while lost in her heavenly gaze.
“Your happiness is so beautiful, I can’t believe anyone would want to take it away.” Sofie whispered in a low murmur. Runa smiled broadly and blushed, that was the most romantic thing she had ever heard. She couldn’t deny it, all she could do was to embrace it. As their faces moved nearer yet again her world changed completely. The spark of life ignited and scorched her sorrows away. The feel of her breath near her lips made her spine bolt hard with warmth. How could she ever live without her now? That she wanted her nearer was written all over her face, she lingered to take in her warmth and beauty. How could she ever not live, when Sofie wanted her so intensely? She didn’t have the heart to leave now, not when Sofie’s very own was on the line.

So she let go of the shore, the stones in her pockets, the ocean washing her pain away. She let go of everything horrible that had played in her head, every belief of herself, of all the ways to commit suicide. In her happiness and warmth, it became difficult to remember exactly how painful it all had been. Her body of mere flesh and bone compared little to the bright blue world residing in Sofie’s irises. Whatever she saw in her, she wanted to be. Her chest yearned and ached, she relaxed as her heartbeat increased, and closed her eyes. The suffering fell off her, and pure bright happiness emerged in its place. She soared like the bird from the shore, finally feeling the warm wind beneath her wings. Her kiss had raised her from the dead, and now it would change her reality forever.

Their lips met gently, it made her spine and chest glow with intense warmth. Slowly they started to move them against one another yet again. Still Sofie’s thick soft lips were glorious to feel with her own. She grinned as her stomach fluttered. Their lips parted and pressed together again, she tilted her head a bit to the side. Sofie’s movements grew bigger, warm spit gathered between them. Their lips became slippery and smooth. They found a rhythm quickly, and moved their heads gently in sync with it. This time it started less frantically, her spine trembled while her heart bit fast in her chest. 

Sofie’s skinny arms moved over her shoulders and embraced her head. She leaned her entire body closer and pressed their chests together. Her breaths were slow but hard. They moved wider and harder with their lips. It sent a hard delightful bolt up her spine. Her heart started to beat so intensely and quickly in her chest, she could hear her pulse again, swishing around her ears. Her entire upper body rose so much in heat, even her forehead began to sweat just a little. Happiness gave fire to the longing in her chest, ignited her tenfold with trembling euphoria. It hurt and pleased her by each breath they took together. Somehow her presence made her mush and melt on the inside, ready to be shaped by something good for a change. Though a painful sharpness lingered in her chest, she melted around it. Her stomach fluttered intensely, she quickly became utterly euphoric. It blazed through her chest and spine, shivering in electric spirals on her tingling lips, and prickling cheeks. 

She opened her eyes and peeked at Sofie’s beautiful face up against her own, tears fell from them as she did. Her expression was relaxed, but her brows tightened in a passionate expression. Her eyes were closed, with her pale lashes facing down. Runa’s big hands held her long blonde bangs out of the way. Her cheeks were so red, Runa grinned. It was so obvious that she liked this too. So she closed her eyes, and poked the tip of her tongue out in-between a movement. Sofie pressed her closer with her arms, immediately pushed her tongue into her mouth. It felt so warm and wet, moving frantically against her own. Each movement rubbing together, made her entire torso tremble in heat, had her spine shiver and bolt so hard. The hairs stood around her entire arms, her stomach fluttered harder. The movements were electric, she gasped in the kiss and opened her mouth wider. Her spine began to beam continuously. Tingling bolts continued to tremble with light between her vertebrae, coaxed by every wide and sporadic movement their tongues made. She gasped again, lost herself to it completely.

Sofie kissed her back with eagerness, as her tears fell she remarked to herself in this bliss, she’d never been this happy before. So she opened her eyes again and this time Sofie looked back. She smiled the moment their eyes locked. Quickly they both withdrew, Runa looked down to the side, embarrassment made her entire face warm up quickly. Sofie giggled and leaned against her shoulder, it made her smile. She stroked her back and grinned, whispered in her ear:
“You’re so adorable.” Sofie moved up and pressed their cheeks together, whispered in return:
“I can’t if you look back.” Runa moved herself back far enough to kiss her cheek.
“Sorry.” She replied amused a bit louder, Sofie moved back and grinned. Her eyes focused on hers again, her entire face was pink, and her cheeks were still so red. Her glossy full lips were red too, and immensely beautiful. Runa felt a shiver going up her spine by the mere sight of them. They had just kissed, she was still so surprised. This one felt better than the last, it had been down right intoxicating. She ached to do it again, so she moved closer and looked down at her lips. Sofie grinned and grabbed her shoulders eagerly, pressed their lips hard together. Her enthusiasm was so humorous she had to giggle as their lips began to move again. 

Her torso burst with warmth, they quickly found the rhythm they’d made right at the beginning. She kept her eyes closed when she pushed her tongue inside yet again, and their mouths opened wide. Her spine bolted and shivered, she sighed hard and smiled in the kiss. Their lips met forcefully, she pressed her tongue in deeper. Sofie did the same, and they quickly began to circle each other’s tongues around one another. There was no rhythm to it, she wondered if she did good or not? Either way it made her spine shine and her stomach flutter, she hoped Sofie felt the same.

Their movements grew electric again, blasing vividly from her lips and tongue, straight to her spine, making it shiver just like before. With trembling light igniting between her vertebrae so delightfully, it burst in her chest. She heaved with her breath, moaned in a shaky whisper, it simply fell out of her. Immediately she felt so embarrassed and attempted to silence it. Heat shot up her spine, the intensity of it was surprising. Her entire torso and head boiled, as if burning from within. She started sweating underneath her sweater. Grinned amidst swirling tongues and tilted her head, did it even harder. 

Their breaths were so heavy, it almost sounded like they were doing something else. Rapid images of Sofie moaning with pleasure filled her head. Probably wasn’t too far off from the heaving she heard from her right now. The expression she’d make, or the louder sounds her soothing voice would produce; played clearly in her mind. It made her whimper for just a moment, her stomach fluttered more intensely. Quickly her groin gained a heartbeat, it created a low hum of lingering arousal. She began to hear Sofie’s breaths grow into soft moans, it made her spine shiver strongly with increasingly warmer bolts. Her groin beat harder, the hum rose. It wasn’t just euphoria or desire anymore, but something bigger that blended them together. Though she didn’t know exactly what that was, it still made her fade in intense bliss. Like a swirling cloud of vapor, lowering around her head. Making her awareness fade amongst increasingly delightful sensations. 

Sofie interrupted everything, sat up on her knees. She stood upright on them and pressed her hips and legs against her. While their kiss moved back to only their lips, she began to drag down Runa’s open windjacket. Runa still sat down, her face reached up to her collarbones. She faced upwards, still slightly out of focus in the mist. They fumbled with their hands in their desperation. Quickly she pulled her arms out of her sleeves and grabbed a strong hold around her waist, stroked it hard. Sofie sat down on her lap and spread her legs gently. Timidly their pelvises started moving in sync, an instinctual movement so easily gained in this gentle fog. She pressed her hand against the small of Sofie’s back, and bent gently over her. Pressed her slowly against the floor, while desperately pecking her slippery soft lips. Sofie hugged her close behind her upper back, their tongues met gently at the tips again.

Runa opened her eyes once again, gazed in awe at Sofie’s closed eyes. Suddenly her brows tightened in a sob, Runa observed tears running from her eyes. She released and panted, moved her hand up and stroked her bangs to the side. Worry struck her chest and cooled it all down.
“Are you okay?” She whispered hurriedly. Sofie opened her glossy eyes, smiled from ear to ear as her face reddened. She lifted her hands behind Runa’s head and stroked her hair with slow movements.
“Yes, I’m just.. so happy, you feel so safe too.” She whimpered back. So she really did feel safe with her? Even if she said that just to cheer her up, it worked. Runa felt pressure behind her eyes again, with relief and happiness she teared up. They both cried and smiled, Sofie pushed her head down with her slim hands, whispered as she sniffled:
“So please don’t stop.” She pouted and looked down at her mouth. The sight of it sent a shiver up Runa’s back. She leaned in fast and kissed her, dragged her lips hard over hers, and opened her eyes again to look down at her. Her eyes were closed, and though tears still trickled down the sides of her face, her expression was undoubtedly happy. Runa relaxed her shoulders and fell into it again.

They opened their mouths wider, Runa observed the expression she made when their tongues met intensely and deeply. Her reddening cheeks, her passionate expression tightening in her curved brows, and her delightful open mouth. She glimpsed the sight of their tongues between their lips, they shimmered with spit in the corner of their mouths. Down at the very bottom of her line of sight. Light pleasure emitted from her groin, she moaned in a whisper beneath her breath. Sofie’s thin hands moved away from her head and down her back. Underneath her sweater against her lower back she stroked. Her slim fingers were slightly cold against her skin. Her knees bent on each side of herself, Runa concentrated hard as her stomach fluttered. All the sensations against her body were overwhelming. She shut her eyes and kissed her just a bit deeper. Moved her tongue rapidly in firmer delightful circles, Sofie moaned very weakly once again, this time a bit louder. A bolt shot up her already trembling spine just by the sound of it. Her torso glowed vividly while her knees trembled, she faded against Sofie’s hands stroking her skin. Right between her knees pressed on each side of her hips and thighs, it all faded to the cloud of delightful desire. How could kissing feel this good? 

Her head became heavier, while her neck and body started hurting. Though euphoric in this heightened state, slowly absolutely everything began to hurt. She opened her eyes, Sofie seemed to be lost to it. She was the one who had to pull back, her tongue prickled gently while her spine beamed. She closed her eyes, sighed against Sofie’s breathy moans and soft wet lips. It was hard to let go, she forced herself to do it.

Finally she quickly released out of breath with tired eyes. Her head was so heavy, it beat gently with pain. She looked down at her, her expression was soft and unfocused. But she started grinning. Runa moved back, bent her knees and sat up on her shins. Sofie’s legs were bent and her hands lingered in the air, as if she was still there against her. Her entire face was red.
“Wow.” She whispered. Spit made her budding red lips glossy, she smiled with her white straight teeth, her full top lip folded so beautifully above them. Her cheeks gathered so beautifully, along with her cute dimples. Increasingly her soft expression became more focused. Gently she laid her arms down against her sides, while her hands rested on her belly. Her shins and knees relaxed and sank to the floor. Still with bright blue and wondrous eyes, she looked at her with such warmth and surprise, seeming to pause to take it all in. Runa couldn’t help but grin at her when she looked up at her in awe. As if she herself was something to bask in. The sight of it made her own cheeks radiate hotter with a crush so deep it hurt. The heaviness in her body persisted. Though she enjoyed this she began to realize; she was completely exhausted. Her knuckles ached, and her arms and legs weighed her down. She straightened her back and stretched.

Sofie grabbed her hand and stroked it with her thumb.
“Are you feeling alright?” She asked softly, but it felt rhetorical when the answer was so obvious.
“No, I’m..” Runa answered, swallowed the excess spit in her breathlessness. Her arms and hip began to ache, her knuckles started burning. She hadn’t realized just how numbed she had been before. She blinked twice, her entire body physically hurt.
“I’m so exhausted, and I’m hurting all over. I wanna stay, but I think I need to go home.” Sofie moved a bit up, stretched her left arm and grabbed behind her neck. She stroked her curls, it felt so good. Though every touch relaxed her muscles more easily than anyone's ever had before; she felt herself ache still. Her strokes made her lean a bit forward without meaning to. She closed her eyes and sighed. Sofie groaned softly to her and said ever so tenderly:
“That’s okay. I’ll come with you.” Runa opened her eyes and smiled, Sofie moved her hand down and stroked her forearm gently. She boiled so much still, felt tempted to take her sweater off and be in her tanktop as well.
“You don’t have to, you can come later.” She said back a bit louder. Sofie leaned on her elbow, lifted her hand up to her face. Her slim fingers were cold against her blushing hot cheek. And her gaze relaxed in tenderness, her smile was careful but sincere.
“But I want to. If you cry again I wanna be there to hold you.” She said so softly it made tears press behind her eyes again. Held at Sofie’s hand on her cheek with her own, turned her nose and mouth towards it and sighed. Gently she rubbed her face against her soft palm repeatedly, it helped keep her tears back. But Sofie must have seen the expression on her face nonetheless, she sat up completely and moved herself towards her.
“Oh no Runa.” She said in a low sympathetic tone. She seemed to be about to say more, but Runa interrupted her:
“That would be so nice.” She responded with sullen tenderness, knowing she’d come with her was enough to make her tears dry. Sofie leaned in and pressed their cheeks together, sighed near her ear.
“Class starts in about ten minutes, I gotta get my things by then.” She said in a sorrowful voice, though she clearly attempted to mask it with gentle happy tones. It didn’t help, the pressure behind Runa’s eyes re-emerged. Though she hid it against her cheek, she was sure her desperation was felt through her shaky breaths. With a heavy body she moved her other arm around her, and hugged her closer. The thought of her leaving made her chest ache so intensely, as if when she let go; she’d never come back. So she pressed her nose and cheek against her bare neck, below her ear and sighed, Sofie removed her hand from her cheek, hugged her back with her arms. Her scent was sweet, and her body radiated with warmth and a gentle dampness. Runa smiled in her despair, felt her stomach flutter. Her long blonde hair pressed against her face. She trusted that Sofie liked her, but she didn’t trust the world to let her go. Something would happen to her, or she’d change her mind out there. 

Quickly the ache rose in her chest cavity, right where her ribs connected to her vertebrae.
“Don’t go.” She said to her, her despair broke her voice apart. Sofie released, faced her for a moment with sad eyes, then she moved up and sat down on her lap. Her legs bent around her on the floor, and her embrace turned firm. Runa rubbed against her neck with her face again, felt the tears coming.
“I’ll be quick I promise.” Sofie said with tenderness, and though she believed she meant it. That feeling of being left behind lingered. She’d be waiting clueless for hours until she finally realized yet again, that she wasn’t worthy after all. That this was a trick, a test, a mockery from the cosmos. She unwillingly sobbed in her breaths, said as tears ran down her face onto Sofie’s neck:
“Promise you’ll come back?” 

Immediately Sofie moved back and faced her. Her expression was sad but determined. Even in her sorrow Runa felt her stomach flutter by her raw beauty.  Her silence began to feel like hesitation, but then Sofie lifted her hand back and stroked her tears away. Her pale fingers were elegant and thin, she felt her cheeks prickle warmly by her touch.
“I promise, no matter what; I’ll come back as fast as I can.” She said with slow crisp words, Runa grinned in her lingering tears and looked down for a moment. It felt pathetic how easily she was swayed by her fear of abandonment. Her muscles ached with exhaustion, and her skull weighed down on her neck. With eyes burning with tiredness, she still had room for gentle bliss. She looked up at Sofie again, who stared back at her with her bright blue eyes. Still she felt pathetic for a moment, for being this clingy.
“Sorry for being… so much.” She responded carefully. Sofie moved her other hand up and pressed her cheeks together, frowned angrily against her face for just a moment. Her expression was absolutely adorable.
“No, don’t apologize, you’ve had a rough day. And you’re not too much at all.” She said firmly and determentally, seeing such seriousness from a face so soft mushed her chest. Her cheeks prickled, Sofie was too adorable to stay somber against. So she grinned, looked down again and said:
“Right, sorry.” Sofie quickly moved in on her, pecked her hard repeatedly on the lips. Runa sighed in surprise, felt her spine tremble, and her stomach to flutter by each peck. It made her grin widely with prickling cheeks. Sofie paused, brushed against her lips as she whispered:
“It’s okay.” Up close her pale cheeks pinked up again, her expression relaxed tenderly. While her blonde lashes moved down and up, when she stared down at her lips for just a moment. Runa’s spine shivered by being this near her again, she was so stunning it hurt in her chest.
“But I promise I’d rather be here with you than anywhere else.” She added softly in her deep soothing voice, Runa’s face tightened in a silent cry as her chest mushed and ached to kiss her. Their breaths mingled as hers shook, she grinned taking in the gentle tickling of her lips.
“If I kiss you will you stay longer?” She teased tenderly, Sofie moved back and giggled away from her lips; responded with pink cheeks:
“Yes probably.” Before leaning forwards again. Their lips met hard, her spine beamed and trembled against her fluttering stomach. Sofie released just enough to speak.
“But don’t make me late.” She murmured in her pout, Runa shook her head and sighed with a hot breath.
“I won’t.” She whispered back, their lips pressed together again. Tingling in friction along with her spine.

The need to recreate what happened before exploded in her chest. In her haste she lifted her up from around her back, and bent quickly over her. She pressed Sofie’s back against the floor again. Her soft lips let go of her own, and breathed a low quick moan as a response. Runa paused and looked at her.
“Sorry, was that too fast?” She whispered quickly. Sofie shook her head. Her tender blue eyes focused, and she moved her feet behind her back and pressed her closer with her ankles. Her legs were spread wide against her sides, somehow feeling her bent knees on each side of herself made her spine quiver vividly. A position so intimate, even while fully clothed. Her beautiful face was bright pink, while her pale cheeks were red. She grinned with her teeth, looked down at her mouth, her pale lashes faced down.
“No, that was actually kinda nice.” She replied in a calm low tone. Runa barred her eyes open with glee and grinned. Her face prickled firmly, a gentle heartbeat returned to her groin. Her enthusiasm was still so surprising, still this new reality felt like a dream. She was lost for words against her, mute observing her soft face and pale lashes. Smelling her sweet scent and feeling her smooth skin. Her big blonde wavy hair with strands so silky and long, spreading elegantly beneath her back like a cape. Her strands had waved in a pattern like wings spreading. The shape of her skinny torso and arms, her small hands and big soft chest; it all took her breath away. In quiet awe she leaned down slowly and kissed her softly, there was nothing else she could think of to do. 

Their closed lips had begun to dry, but quickly became wet again. Runa surrendered to a light mist engulfing her feeble mind, it felt so blissful and calming. She smiled and released, the tone was happier now. She sighed and relaxed over her, still her neck and head hurt.
“You’re so wonderful.” She said with a tired smile. Sofie grinned widely and leaned up against her nose, they touched tips gently back and forth. It was so adorable her stomach fluttered even more. Her chest filled with glee as it mushed, and radiated such bright joy to her entire torso.
“Thank you, so are you.” Sofie responded tenderly. Runa was baffled still, and giggled bewildered against her face. Sofie leaned in and pecked her quickly a few times. Her spine beamed and quivered with warm light.

After, Runa moved her head back and stared down at her hips, she paid attention to how her blue jeans hugged her lower body. She had never seen her in pants before today, and this part had been hidden underneath her hooded jacket. Though they had been talking and hugging, her mind had been too preoccupied to bask in her well-shaped body. She lifted her arm, and stroked from the side of her hip up to the knee pressed to her side. Still her cheeks buzzed with static observing her. Sofie’s breath shook as she did, her ankles relaxed behind her back, and her knee bent in Runa’s grip. The other leg rested on the floor to her right side. The shape of Sofie’s immaculate hips and waist were easier to see now. She felt herself sweating just a tad, and looked up at Sofie’s face again, who bit her lower lip in silence and observed her in return. She gazed up at her with pink cheeks and a quietly heaving breath. Runa grinned while feeling her temperature rise, amidst the pain was a gentle high of fluttering tension.
“And oh wow, you’re so beautiful too.” She uttered softly. Sofie grinned widely with an even redder face. She giggled as if slightly embarrassed, moved her hands from her upper back to behind her head instead, and caressed her hard while pulling her closer. Before their lips met again she whispered with a budding pout:
“And you’re beautiful, Runa.” Her sweet words were still so baffling to her, she giggled as a response. Her hands and knees trembled, inside her breath heat expanded. Their lips met and moved, their tongues danced slowly. Her spine glowed and shivered so hot, it nearly tickled. With a mind beating with exhaustion, she kissed her nonetheless. It was easy to fade into it, Sofie’s embrace made her neck unclench. She sighed hard in the kiss, and pressed against her with a relaxed body. It hurt still, but the bliss made it easier to bear.

*

It had been so hard just to stop kissing her, somehow having her on top of herself on the floor had made her feel so safe. Runa’s strength had been calming and intoxicating, not scary. It was a revelation, a relief so great she had cried. And despite never having been with anyone before; they had found a sort of rhythm together. The kissing alone had felt surprisingly sensual. Neither had any idea what they were doing, still it had been deep and wet, stimulating and wonderful. Despite the bright overwhelming lights, she had eased into her so effortlessly. 

Sofie had been brave enough to leave her alone in that bathroom. She had instructed her to stay put in case someone discovered her, and sought to give her even more misery. She went to get her things from her classroom before class started again. Though her anxiety had spiked like crazy, she pushed through it, and just made it out of there when class started again. She had sighed in the silent empty halls, it was bittersweet. Though soaring with bliss, the heaviness of Runa’s situation weighed her down to the floor. She had run down the stairs and gotten dressed by her locker; before sprinting right back up to her again. 

She bit her lower lip and sighed while she reached the door. As she returned to the small room from the main hallway, she couldn’t help but wonder: Maybe she simply liked Runa so much, it didn’t matter what they did; It’d feel good all the same? It could be both. She was so impatient to be near her. To know for sure nothing bad was happening to her. Desperately she felt the ache rise in her chest, craving her till the very last second they were apart.

Runa stood at the ready in the room outside the bathroom. With her dark red windjacket on, as well as her backpack. Her dark eyes rose as she arrived through the door, they weren’t swollen with tears anymore. And though she finally had a spark in her eyes again, sadness and tiredness still reigned. This poor wonderful girl experienced such daily hardships, she was surprised she had even made it this far. So when they reunited, she lifted her hand to her dark soft face and stroked it, kissed her gently. It made her spine shiver again. She had never left school early for any other reason, than for having panic attacks. Sometimes her teacher had forgotten to notify her parents of her absence, she hoped today was such a day. She had no idea what to tell them if they asked about this.

She grabbed Runa’s strong warm hand, and they walked together out to the backside of her school. No one was there still, the rain had stopped, and the sky cleared. She looked over at Runa, her eyes turned to the color of amber in the direct sunlight. Sofie sighed, grinned as her stomach fluttered, so easily the sight of her made her cheeks hot. Runa noticed her staring, and looked back at her with a tired but happy gaze. Sofie grinned at her, leaned in and pecked her hard on her cute lips. After she lingered close to her, observed her smooth brown face bittersweetly. Already she longed to be closer, to know what the rest of her felt like.

They started walking, still holding hands. Soon enough they passed the place Runa had stood when they first hugged, and walked down the road beside the huge parking lot. Finally she was going to see the place she walked from every morning.

Down they went, turned right twice, between colourful houses with white frames, and black roof tiles. Closer and closer to the ocean. To a little house by the sea, Runa had said on the phone. The closer they got, the more she smiled. The sounds of slow waves, and the scent of the salty air, it was all so calming. They walked on a road parallel to the shore, she grinned and held harder around her hand. They didn’t need to talk much, their walk to her house had been stimulating enough. Runa had the collar of the dark red windjacket open. In the pale light Sofie could see the bruises around her throat better. She frowned, just imagining someone choking her made her chest hurt. She had them stop, Runa looked over at her, and watched her closely. 

Sofie frowned firmly with her brows and lips, in the ache she slowly leaned in, bent down and pecked her upper neck carefully on the side. Then she rubbed her nose and cheek against it and sighed. Runa stroked her hair in return. Sofie straightened her back and leaned backwards, met her warm eyes of amber. She smiled softly back at her, as if to comfort her. Like she hadn’t been the one pushed to the breaking point today. Sofie could see the tiredness in her eyes, she really looked absolutely exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. Sullenly she leaned in again, pecked her slowly on the lips. Her spine shook in gentle movements. Runa’s were smaller than her own, between her lips they rose in volume.  Runa released after just a few seconds, lifted her free hand and said:
“Here it is.” She pointed to a barely medium sized red house and garage with white door and window frames. The roof tiles were black, two stories high. Quite charming. There it is, the piece of her life she had longed to see; her home.

They walked up the small wooden staircase, Runa unlocked the door and showed her in first. They entered a small dark hallway, Runa turned on the ceiling light, and closed the door behind them. The hallway was filled to the brim with outerwear, it was messy and cozy at the same time. They took off their shoes and backpacks, then jackets and hung them up. Runa grabbed both of their backpacks and lifted them on her shoulder in one smooth movement. The sight of her strength made Sofie’s cheeks prickle with heat. 

They entered a bigger hallway, in it were four doors, two were open. They walked past them, Sofie peeked inside as they did, one a small cozy kitchen with wooden counters and cabinets, and a big window looking out to a nearly bare oaktree, behind it was the shore, and the wide blue sea. She grinned and looked into the next door. The other room was a green livingroom with bookshelves and a big brown couch, with a wooden table and a colorful carpet with flowers and patterns. It too had large windows towards the sea. The air was sweet and warm, smelled of books and wood. The sound was quiet and comforting. Runa stopped by the stairs, lifted her hand and gestured for her to go first. Sofie smiled at her, kissed her cheek when she walked past her, and started stepping up the stairs. Just a few steps up she observed some old family pictures of her parents she assumed, their families, wedding and so on, hanging on the walls. She stopped at a picture of Runa probably at age eleven, but then she remembered her saying she arrived here at thirteen. The notion hurt her chest. She was scrawny, her curls were longer and bigger. And her face was a smaller and more compact version of hers now. It was round and smooth. Her eyes were big and brown. This must have been right at the beginning of her time here, and though she could definitely see the glimmer in her eyes. Pain showed so strongly. She knew what happy and naive childlike eyes were supposed to look like. Here, it was tired, dimmed, lost. The smile and glimmer seemed false. Sofie frowned, touched the frame.
“God look at you.” She commented in a somber tone. Runa stopped beside her, one step below her. She looked at the picture, her eyes grew sad but she smiled weakly.
“That was about three months after I arrived, I think.” She said sullenly, Sofie lifted her hand and stroked the hair close to her ear. Runa hadn’t told her anything from before she arrived here. But the fact that she had been taken away from her family at a very young age, and then moved around a lot after, hinted at so much despair, it was hard to imagine. But she could see it staring back at her in this picture. 

She grabbed Runa’s hand, and held her until they reached the top of the stairs. Runa walked past her with the backpacks on her shoulder. Sofie looked around, a small hallway with four doors. All but one was closed, one to the left. Runa walked inside, put their backpacks on the floor and turned on the ceiling light. Sofie stepped forth, her room was clean and tidy. She grinned, had imagined Runa to be messy, and maybe she was? But had cleaned it just for her. It had reddish purple walls, dark furnishings, bedding in reds and blacks. A shelf mostly with music on it, and a CD player on the desk. Black blinds covered the window, but she assumed behind it, the ocean would show. She stepped into the room, stopped by Runa who stood quietly looking at her bed. The room smelled just like her, a sweet scent she discovered with glee. Band posters she didn’t recognize had been placed sporadically on the walls, below a dark gray carpet in one solid color spread over the floor between the bed and desk. Sofie touched the small of her back and grinned. Touching her made her stomach flutter, still she relished in the notion with wonder. Nobody else had ever made her feel like that.
“Do you need to rest?” She asked softly. Runa turned around with tired eyes and a weak smile, nodded.
“That’s okay, I can nap with you.” Sofie continued intentionally softly.
“Yeah, sure.” Runa replied before walking further into the room. Sofie turned around and closed the door, heard Runa begin to undress. She pulled off her dark sweater and left her red tanktop on. Her beefy arms showed so well by the lamplight in the ceiling. The shape of her biceps were immaculate. She was about to pull down her pants when she stopped, looked up at Sofie who stared at her with anticipation.
“Can you.. uhm, turn off the light?” She asked hesitantly. Sofie grinned and nodded, turned and moved her hand to the light switch. 

The room became black, she heard Runa undress more, assumed she’d be sleeping with whatever underwear she had on, and her tanktop. Sofie felt her cheeks blush hard in the darkness, she bent and quickly unzipped her hooded jacket before dragging it off herself. It landed on the floor, then she unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans before pulling them down. She stepped out of her socks too, and heard Runa get into bed. The room was cold, she got goosebumps on her arms. Stretched them out to lead her and walked carefully forward until her thigh met the bed, then she sat down carefully. Remembered how wide it had been, it would surely fit them both. She crawled on the bed until her hand met Runa’s hip in the darkness. She lifted her arms and led her closer with her big soft hands. Sofie bit her lip with excitement, pressed herself against her. 

Her stomach fluttered, Runa pulled the covers over them. The warmth spread around her, and inside her chest. Her heart started beating faster, she felt Runa’s nose touch her cheek. Her lips brushed against her, the hairs stood on her forearms. Runa moved her big arms around her, pressed her even closer. Sofie was on top, she bent her head down and found her face again. Their cheeks pressed against one another, Runa held tightly around her back. Her grip was strong, it made Sofie blush even harder. Their naked legs pressed together, Runa began to stroke them against hers. The movements made the softness so vast.

“You’re so nice and soft.” She said with tenderness. Sofie felt herself fading in this happiness, it quivered hot between her vertebrae.
“So are you.” She whispered back, lifted her hand and found Runa’s curls, and began to stroke them gently. Runa’s lips started to kiss her cheek so softly. Sofie moved her face back and met her lips directly with her own. Instantly they moved slowly and gently over one another. It beamed vividly up her spine, vibrations spread gently out from it to her heart and lungs, belly and entire back. The movements grew bigger, they tilted their heads, breathed hard in with their nostrils. Runa moved her soft hands inside her tanktop and stroked her bare back hard up and down. It felt so good she groaned with relaxation, and felt her stomach buzz and flutter. While starting to grin in the kiss, she opened her mouth wide and stuck her tongue in gently. She felt Runa smile, then she had their tongues meet softly and carefully, but just as deeply as before. They moved them frantically and without rhythm, in the darkness it felt less overwhelming. Hard spikes of light shot up her spine, the movements were electric, her stomach fluttered so strongly, she squirmed her upper body against her. The wetness between them made her entire mouth prickle and vibrate. While she moaned weakly, she didn’t even feel embarrassed. So easily she faded into her, it was surprising. Their movements grew harder and faster, both in the rhythm of their bodies, and the frantic motions within their wet mouths. The electric sensation went straight into her brain and gave her spine and pelvis warm gentle pleasure. They started to find a rhythm with their tongues and lips, she tilted her head more to the side. And that new strange feeling grew stronger, prickling like static all over her mouth. 

She had felt it in the school bathroom, it had surprised her. Her mouth started to tingle with pleasure, her lips and tongue emitted warm prickly sensations. It made her groin pulsate with desire, that she knew of too well. But it was as if her mouth was an organ of pleasure as well, not for mere speech and consumption and breath, this felt grander then it all. In the bathroom the bright pale lights had overwhelmed her so much. But here, together alone in the darkness, everything felt mellow and calm. She fell slowly into a heavy fog of desire, and Runa didn’t stop her. Her impulse control faded, her spine fell into her abdomen and melted as it beamed. In sweat she faded into her, with a pulsing tingling groin, and a wide wetness engulfing her entire mouth. Her body hummed with a frequency of high delightful tension. The hum of her passion was vivid against her innards and breath, beating through her heart and buzzing up her spine and out her breath. The static on her cheeks spread like sand on fire, covering her face, and traveling out her arms raising her hairs, and prickling out her hands making them tremble.

Without thinking she started to move her groin against her upper thigh, it made soft sexual pleasure rise from between them. It was so instinctual, it didn’t even feel that intimate. Runa began to press herself against her as well, her other thigh lifted up to the side of her hip, while her shin and ankle moved up behind her rear. She pressed her bare foot against the backside of Sofie’s right thigh. Their kiss was ongoing, and all consuming. It kept emitting that new tingling pleasure, fading her mind to the fog. She moved her groin harder against her upper thigh, lying mostly straight. She felt the fabric of her panties and Runa’s thigh rub against her clitoris. It started to emit pleasure beyond her expectations. Before she lost her feeble mind to the warmth and wetness completely, she released for just a moment and whispered:
“I can stop.” Runa sighed hard against her lips and whispered back:
“No, don’t stop.” Hearing her desperation made her heart soar. She leaned down and kissed her deeply again, they began to move against one another even harder. 

Her entire upper body tingled, jittered and fluttered in the rising frequency, with a spine beaming and quivering so hot, her clitoris glowed gently like a flickering flame. She felt Runa move her hands down to her back, she blushed and grinned in their ongoing kiss, gasped inside her mouth. Runa held around her firmly, the sensation of her strong arms made it all come so easily. She heard her moan beneath her ever so gently. The pressure against her groin increased because of it. Pleasure waved gently back and forth in intensity. Slowly like waves rushing calmly against the insides of her body. It wasn’t big enough to make her moan properly, but rather, it gave sound to her steep shaky breaths. 

Firmer and quicker their thighs and groins pressed together, she felt herself dripping, their kiss loosened. The tips of their tongues met hard instead. Runa’s tongue and mouth was so warm and wet, the tip of it was even more electric in her arousal. The pleasure moved closer to the edge, she let go of Runa’s lips, heaved intensely against her mouth. Her breath grew quicker for a few seconds, vividly the wave pushed and halted, rushing hot bubbling water into her groin. Glowing luminescent to light up her entire torso. 

Runa whimpered between a breath that turned into a sharp breathy moan. It felt so good to listen to, she faded into the fog completely. She gasped hard along with her. The pleasure heightened to its soft apex. Rising from the tenderness between them, she let it engulf her. Together they blended, melting into one another. They became beings losing to their impulses, morphing into mating personified. Like lightning striking her, evolution's most wonderful gift of life turned her into the force of life tying itself to another. An emptiness in her chest filled with dense deepening affection, tears gathered in her eyes. Her loneliness faded in this bliss, making her whole again. And then it finally came, she gasped desperately in the darkness.

Her torso and upper thighs began to tighten, the wave tore her asunder from within. It blended them together seamlessly in boiling tingling pleasure. She breathed firmly in and groaned, slowly but hard it exited her. Hot buzzing vibrations spread warmth around her entire pelvis. Her clitoris glowed with soft ecstasy. She felt her stomach and thigh-muscles tightened, and lost control of the volume of her breaths, she started to moan properly, though still weakly. In the darkness she involuntarily looked up with her mouth open. Runa moaned louder against her lips, pressed their faces closer. She pushed her tongue in hard, it made her mouth tingle warmly again, it increased and prolonged her gentle orgasm for a few more seconds. Amidts it she faded from herself, and only pleasure remained. She moaned as loud as her normal speaking voice. These glorious seconds passed quicker than she wanted them to, and then it faded.

She released from the kiss, pushed her face against Runa’s cheek and started breathing deeply. Runa’s hands moved up her back again, stroking it gently. She began to notice just how warm and sweaty it was between them, she smiled and relished in the feeling. That dense affection vanished between her ribs, she focused on it as it faded. Happiness rose in its stead. She knew their coupling had changed her, though she didn’t yet know how. But something felt different. The waves made of light had made her anew, blessed by life itself. In its wonderous shadow, she was baffled, and delighted.

“What was that?” Whispered Runa in a surprised but happy tone. Sofie pushed her face harder against her neck, the blush grew heavier. Her entire face heated up, embarrassment took the space her desire had consumed. She had let it take over, had moaned and shaken against her. God, how embarrassing! She groaned against her soft damp neck. It had happened so suddenly, she had barely had the mental fortitude to vaguely ask permission.
“Oh my god, I don’t know.” She whispered back. “I’m so sorry..” She added, and sighed hard. Runa must be so exhausted, needing rest and sleep, and here she had just moved over her and pushed her low energy to the limit? She frowned her brows in anger at herself, it was careless and selfish. She heard Runa giggle weakly against her ear, and felt her laugh shake in her chest. She blushed in this bliss, and relaxed a bit.
“Don’t be, that was so beautiful.” Runa respinded with a voice so tender and gentle, it made her spine shiver and the hairs stand on her forearms again. 

Sofie sighed hard and relaxed her neck and shoulders. Oh thank god, she closed her eyes and felt relief take over. Runa stroked her back gently with her fingertips, the movements were so tender and comfortable, she faded a bit already. Sofie moved her head up in the darkness and faced her. Their breaths mingled, her stomach fluttered so hard still. Her heart beat fast in her chest. Words screamed in her mind, she longed to be closer, it ached in her heart. 'Be mine, please be mine', she felt like saying. 'I want you already!' But she remained quiet. Their lips touched gently, Runa’s big warm hands moved up her naked back beneath her tanktop. Their tongues touched softly, and their lips moved around them. Tears pressed behind her eyes. She wasn’t ready for everything either, it was all so overwhelming and close. But she longed deeply for it nonetheless. Like a blessed image from the heavens, of their unending future together happened upon her. In flares of warm light, she already saw them together. In endless kisses, caresses and embraces, they walked through their lives together hand in hand. A beautiful dream, so easily found between their soft wet lips. They released, she found Runa’s soft curls with her fingers and stroked it. Then she started to kiss her cheek gently, and moved down to her ear and whispered:
“You’re amazing.” 

Runa drew a shaky breath against the side of her jaw. She moved Sofie in such a way that their faces met again. She pressed their lips together, dragged them slowly over hers repeatedly. Sofie had the tips of their tongues meet between each movement, she tilted her head and groaned with relaxation. The movements of their mouths had soft bolts travel up her spine. Runa moved her hands away from beneath her tanktop, and held tightly around her with the entirety of her beefy arms. The strong grip made Sofie’s breath jitter. She was so strong, yet so very gentle with her. Their tender kiss went on while Runa moved to the side and brought Sofie along with her. She moved a bit down and pressed her face against Sofie’s neck and upper chest. Moved it back and forth against her, and kissed it softly with her wet lips. Sofie sighed, her stomach fluttered by the sensation, She lifted her hands up and started stroking Runa’s neck. She did it gently with her fingernails, eventually she pressed her fingertips against her small cute little curls. Runa groaned with relaxation, pressed her closer and yawned. It made Sofie yawn too, she grinned and closed her eyes in the darkness. Indeed she had no idea what that was, what it counted as, nor what to call it. Despite it being so little, it had felt so good, how could that be? Was her attraction to her so vast, that that was all it took? She didn’t know she could be so impulsive and careless. But she reminded herself of the sweet words Runa had uttered. The notion made her sigh with relief, indeed she too had found it to be such a beautiful experience. That she herself had at the very least, sort of asked permission. Perhaps their attraction was equally matched? She hoped so, with warm light in her heart. Pressed her lips and nose against her forehead and sniffed in the sweet aroma of her skin and hair. Everything about her made her so soft and warm inside, her presence was mellow and wide, gentle and relaxing, nobody had ever given her anything like this. Every touch, sound and sensation coming from her were positively divine. My god, was she glorious. Far more so than even she herself could have anticipated. A grand apology for her suffering, a band-aid for the worst day fo her life. No lightning of terror was found here in her arms, only dark warm bliss.

She noticed Runa’s breath had gained a rhythm to it, the kind only found when someone was asleep. She smiled, blushed in her embrace. Felt lucky to be in her arms. She pressed herself against her head, held hard around it. Vowed to actually ask before anything like it happened again. She closed her eyes, yawned once more. Runa was so warm and soft against her. Her arms and legs were broad and comforting. She smiled, felt happiness fill her entire being. Whatever that was, it had been the best thing she had ever experienced.

-

She was back in the dark eternal ocean. Now she didn’t emerge through millenia constantly evolving in pain and suffering. But she was herself, just a human girl, floating deep in the water. Slowly the darkness filled with light. As her long blonde hair floated and swayed around her like the tentacles of a jellyfish, she saw clearly with her eyes. Though she was far away from the surface, she could see the waves sway above her. Moonlight moved and shimmered through the water so beautifully. In the distance she observed a deep glowing orange light, shifting as it slowly grew in intensity. It was the light devine from before, but it had changed to something like a flame. Flickering as if it followed the laws of nature. It burned so far away, but she could still feel its warmth. She lifted her long pale arm, reached for it with her hand, and narrowed her eyes to see better.

She awoke slowly lying on her back, Runa laid halfway on top of her with her face in her neck. Her breaths tickled and made her smile in the darkness. She wondered how much time had passed, her eyes were heavy. Did it matter? She stroked Runa’s back carefully. Most of her own tanktop had folded upwards, it curled underneath her chest. Runa’s big hand rested beneath it over her belly, with her fingertips almost touching her bra. Somehow her touch was so comforting, she was shocked it didn’t even feel just a little bit uncomfortable, or scary. Having it there made her chest glow, for her stomach to flutter. Everything about her was so safe. Like her big strong body laid itself between her and those boys just to protect her. She cared about how she felt, asked if she was okay, looked at her with such tenderness. Sofie sighed hard in the darkness, she was better than she could ever have hoped for. It made her mind and body linger with euphoria.

Runa’s breath lost the rhythm of sleep, she moved her face down and rubbed her nose against Sofie’s shoulder.
“Are you awake?” She whispered, felt Runa nod and face upwards. Sofie moved her head down, Runa kissed her cheek gently. She moved further down and faced her. Smelled the aroma of her sleep, a strangely sweet scent.
“Did you sleep well?” She asked further, still in a whisper. Runa nodded again, now against the tip of her nose.
“Yes, I fell asleep so quickly.” She responded, Sofie chuckled.
“Yeah you did, right on top of me.” She commented with soft glee, Runa laughed, pecked her quickly on the lips.
“And I slept so deeply too, it’s probably because of you.” She continued calmly. Sofie felt her warm hand soar against her skin from her stomach to her shoulder, made her spine and breath shiver for a few seconds. Her broad soft hand then found her hair and started stroking it gently. Sofie’s chest heated up, she blushed and smiled.
“Well then we both slept well together, that’s good to know.” She said amused. Began to slowly move her right leg over to her left, where Runa laid, and twisted her body towards her. Runa embraced her when she did, and they hugged tightly. Sofie pushed her face into her neck, and closed her eyes. Her spine trembled more with warm bolts. Feeling her soft legs, and her chest rise and fall while she breathed, having her soft neck against her face; it was all so blissful. They laid like that for a long while, stroking each other’s backs and legs while pressed to one another.

But eventually Runa released and turned around. Mumbled something about the time and turned on the light on her nightstand. It quickly got so very bright, and she squinted her eyes as it dazzled her painfully. Runa pushed her face together with her big hands and giggled. Sofie smiled and quickly got used to the light. Runa’s beautiful grin was wide and carefree, despite the rough day she had had; she looked so happy. She lifted one of her big hands up from her cheek to her forehead, and stroked her bangs to the side.
“You look adorable when you’re tired.” She said happily, moved her face closer to hers and shut her eyes. Sofie grinned, pouted and kissed her gently on the lips. Runa leaned over her, and began to peck her all over her lower face. Sofie started laughing, it made her blush so intensely. Runa’s playfulness was so adorable she couldn’t help but continue to laugh. Runa moved her hand down and tickled at her rib gently, she screamed and twisted beneath her. While laughing harder, she heard Runa giggle above her more carefully. When Sofie’s breath started getting heavy between her laughs, Runa stopped and let her breathe. Sofie opened her eyes and looked up at her with her arms pressed close to herself. Runa’s eyes were wide yet soft, her face relaxed, except her mouth. She stared at her with a wide grin, while she bit her lower lip.
“You really are stunning.” She said softly, rose her hand from her ribs and stroked gently at one of Sofie’s arms.
“So are you.” She responded tenderly. Runa grabbed her softly and helped her sit up. Their faces met again, Runa lingered close to it and shut her eyes. Her smile had relaxed to a soft one, she sighed so near her. It alone made her heart continue beating fast in her chest. But then, slowly, her face dropped and she looked sadder. 

Sofie lifted her hand and stroked her warm cheek.
“What is it?” She asked carefully. Runa sighed hard and quickly, looked down.
“I didn’t tell you all of it.” She replied sullenly.
“All of what?” Sofie asked back. The covers had folded behind her, their legs pressed together. Runa looked at her, now with sadness and worry in her gaze.
“After the fight, something happened.” She replied still in sad tones.
“Something bad?” Sofie asked further with worry, Runa looked down again, sighed.
“Yeah, it was pretty bad.” She answered. Sofie touched some of the curls close to her ear, stroked them.
“You can tell me, I want to hear everything, I can handle it, I promise.” She said softly, Runa grinned at her for just a moment.
“You sure?” She asked hesitantly. Sofie nodded determinedly as a response. Runa’s eyes changed, she seemed to dread telling it. Sofie moved her hand back from her hair and stroked her soft cheek, it made her look down with a weak smile, she sighed and closed her eyes. Slowly her smile faded again, and she continued with her eyes still closed:
“So, after the fight; me and all three of them got sent to the principal’s office.” She finally said so carefully and opened her eyes. They were gentle in their tenderness, framed by black long lashes. Sofie felt her cheeks prickle. Runa continued:

“That has never happened even once when they beat me up. They lied and said I targeted them unprovoked, and that I was choked as an act of self defense.” She said in sullen tones, seamlessly her eyes turned glossy. But she didn’t cry or sob. Sofie moved closer to her and pressed their cheeks together.
“Oh Runa.” She whispered against her, lifted her hands back and stroked behind her ears against the curls near her neck instead.
“They got sent to the school nurse, which again; has never happened to me every time I was hurt because of them.” Runa continued, she tightened her brows in an angry expression. Sofie felt it rise within herself as well. Did nobody care about her at that horrible school?

Runa continued hesitantly:
“And while I was still bleeding and crying, because I was already convinced I would hurt those around me, like you..” She bowed her head, seemingly out of shame. Sofie let go of her neck and moved her arms around her shoulders, hugged her close.
“I was really losing it.” Runa continued, her voice broke and she started to sob quietly.
“I imagined hurting you all, and being sent away to some madhouse. Having it all flashing before my eyes hurt so much. My mind went to some really crazy places to avoid any of that from happening. I was sobbing and bleeding and..” Sofie felt herself tear up, pain shot through her chest. Runa sobbed quietly for a little while, before gathering herself again. She leaned back, Sofie faced her beautiful sad face, stroked her tears away with her thumbs. Runa grinned, sniffled, and looked down.

She sighed hard, and added further:
“While I was clearly having some sort of breakdown, the principal, she said some things that were… I don’t know what to call it.” Sofie moved further back, looked at her firmly.
“What do you mean? What did she say?” She asked, Runa lifted her gaze and blinked, tears fell down her cheeks in silence. Her eyes were searching in a hard focus. Sofie observed her quietly, felt that pain in her chest again. She got a sinking feeling, something was wrong up there. Why would they treat her any differently?
“She said that I had some really big issues, maybe too big for my parents to handle. She gave me this..” Runa replied, scoffed in a quick laugh, continued:
“This brochure for a special program for troubled teens. I donno what to think.” Sofie moved her head back, her anger rose harder.
“What?” She asked. “Do you have it? Can I see?” She added further, Runa nodded and quickly sat up from the bed. Despite the serious conversation, she observed Runa’s strong legs walk to her backpack on the floor. She bent for just a moment and grabbed a piece of paper from a side pocket. Quickly walked back and sat down in front of her again, handed it over to her. 

The front of it had dried drops of water and blood, tears? She imagined Runa bending over it, crying and bleeding from her nose. Being handed something so carelessly, so heartlessly, all while she was sobbing? Didn’t they care about her wellbeing at all? Anger spiked her chest more intensely. She read the front of the brochure, then she opened it and started reading inside. 

It said: Is your teenager too troubled for the home, or even government funded institutions? Send him or her to this camp, with a wonderful outdoor life in the summer and fall. And carefully crafted individual care and discipline at a farm in winter and spring. Don’t let them age up into criminals, the last option before adulthood. 

Sofie pressed her hands to her mouth and gaped, she didn’t even know this kind of thing existed in Norway. And why would she be given such a thing and not her parents? She looked up at Runa and said flabbergasted:
“Oh my god, she just gave that to you and sent you on your way?” Runa nodded, replied so sullenly:
“She said I was expelled for the rest of the day, and got two marks on my behavior.” Two marks? She had only heard of rowdy teens getting just one at the time, even if they were breaking things or someone got hurt. Two, at once? Three meant expulsion for a short amount of time, automatically. Sofie sighed steeply with frustration, then let the anger fall off her. She saw the sadness in Runa’s eyes, let go of the pamflet and stroked her hand instead, said:
“God, no wonder you were crying so much.” She finally commented. Runa stared at her reaction. Though the topic was serious, she saw her smile weakly. Her chest filled with warmth and sorrow. She remembered the words spoken through the phone. Her monotone voice, low and weak. The words she had spoken, as if they’d never see each other again. It had been spine chilling, her stomach had nearly twisted with fear. A terrible intuition had sent such strong blaring danger signals into her entire body. The moment she had an inkling of where she was she had started running. Somehow, she had been right.

“And the things you said on the phone, god.. it sounded like you were gonna… that you were saying goodbye to not just me. You really scared me.” She lowered her tearful eyes and swallowed. Runa tightened her lips, her broad soft hands lifted her gaze up, and she said softly as she stroked her cheeks:
“I don’t feel any of that anymore, you made sure of that. I never want to say goodbye, especially not to you.” Her brown eyes turned glossy, Sofie frowned hard as her brows tightened in despair. She shook her head. Her spine chilled just by the possibility. Had she really planned to do something?
“You promise?” She asked with a breaking voice. Runa lowered her brows and nodded in a strong frown, and said so quickly:
“Oh I promise with all my heart.” Sofie sobbed, and uttered with desperation:
“My god Runa.” She leaned in quickly and kissed her with big intense movements. Grabbed her head with her arms and bent over her. Runa’s back fell to the bed, Sofie pressed their bodies together, moved her closed lips faster over hers. Tears fell from her eyes, she felt desperate in her affection. Runa grinned and sniffled against her, tears ran from Sofie’s eyes and dripped onto her dark cheeks. Her spine shivered, she felt her stomach flutter intensely. Her heart spiked with aching and fear. Runa grabbed a strong hold around her back and pushed her close. Slowly their tears faded, the kiss softened. Runa pushed her gently to the side. 

She moved her big hand up to the back of her neck and held it firmly. Before she released and looked at her, her warm tender eyes sent a strong hot shiver up her spine. She gasped and cried, leaned in again. Her chest hurt with longing and worry. It felt like the movements she made against her were an extension of the ache. Their wet tongues met carefully, the warmth from inside her mouth comforted her gentle cries. She sniffled, lifted her knee and bent it over Runa’s right hip. Somehow every moment they had together, became so much more precious every time they happened. Her heart ached and soared, Runa kissed her deeper. The movements of their tongues and lips made warm prickly sensations all over her mouth. She gasped and smiled, tilted her head to the side, moved it over hers and opened wider. Her groin began to hum with soft arousal yet again, she stroked the fabric on her tanktop near her waist. Her bare legs pressed against Sofie’s right one, laying straight on the covers. The softness became so big, the ache spread and made her so happy, she painted her passion with her hands and tongue. And stroked her cheek hard, Runa’s breaths grew heavier. Slowly she lifted her strong hand, pushed at her shoulder and moved atop her. Sofie grabbed a weak hold on the curls in the back of her neck, they tilted their heads in the opposite direction, from left to right. The movement made their tongues twist, it prickled with low pleasure, she gasped again. Her groin began to beat, Runa released with a heavy breath. Observed her with curved brows and a relaxed expression. Sofie moved her hand back and stroked the curls by her ear, she felt her cheeks prickle hard with heat. Everything Runa felt because of her, every thought and feeling in her mind, opened wide for her to paint the canvas of her affection on. She wanted to make it so happy, and beautiful. Her warm brown eyes made her heart swell and beat intensely. Her perspective so tainted by pain glowed with happiness against her, the look of it alone moved something inside her. She teared up and smiled, looked down at her dark somewhat thin lips.
“I want to do what you did, before.” Runa whispered eagerly. Sofie nodded and sniffled, replied:
“Yes show me.” Runa moved the tips of their noses together and sighed, closed her eyes and leaned in, kissed her softly.

Quickly and gently she stuck her tongue in, turned her head a few times from right to left, and back. Her tongue moved and twisted hard inside her mouth. Sofie opened wide and gasped, the tingling turned to gentle pleasure. She moaned in her breath and pressed her head closer with both her hands again. Runa moved her hips against hers, the hum inside her body rose. She panted harder, Runa lifted her hand and held it beneath the bend of her knee. With her thigh lifted up, a gentle friction from Runa happened against her own groin. Softly it flickered with moist pleasure, she gasped again and smiled. So fast she became that animal again, braiding together with her body. Still touching tongues she felt the euphoria blazing within her chest. They began to heave against one another, she kept her eyes closed. Runa’s tongue circled her own so hard and quickly, her groin started to emit proper pleasure. She gasped again, moved both her arms around her head. A tear ran down the side of her face, the high was overwhelming. She tried her best to be quiet. Runa’s feelings were so moving, their ensuing orgasm felt like a force harnessed to comfort her. The pleasure was closing in on her, much like she had before, on top of her in the darkness. The kiss was ongoing, she opened her mouth wide against her lips. Her face moved backwards out of her control, and she moaned weakly. She didn’t dare look, felt so embarrassed in her arousal. Runa continued kissing her with the tip of her tongue when her lower belly tightened, when her inner thighs began to jitter. Their crotches moved hard against each other’s thighs, she gaped and moaned weakly. Her clitoris emitted surprisingly firm glowing pleasure, it gathered to a point as her tongue vibrated with tingling and warmth. She curved her lower back just a little, Runa moved her head closer to kiss her deeper, she too began to moan weakly against her. Sofie’s entire mouth prickled with overwhelming warmth. It all reached the top, the pleasure grew vast, she faded as a mist of desire made her lose focus. Her body tightened, she let off one weak nasal moan. It lasted for about four seconds while her body spasmed gently with boiling and prickling pleasure. Her spine shot with fire, they moaned into each other’s mouths. Though her affection felt dense again, it too faded quickly the moment she had enough. 

Then she quickly released, bent her head down and pressed her face against her neck above herself. She panted and blushed with embarrassment. Runa moved her to the side and embraced her hard with her beefy arms, kissed her on the top of her head. She too panted, and giggled weakly above her.
“Shit sorry, was that too intense?” She whispered amused. Sofie smiled, shook her head against her skin.
“So you’re okay?” She asked further, Sofie nodded eagerly and closed her eyes, whispered back:
“Yes, that was amazing.” Runa’s soft hand moved down her hair, and stroked it between her fingers.
“Oh that’s good.” She whispered softly back to her. Sofie opened her eyes and looked to the side, observed her hair being stroked. The embarrassment lessened, but the blush remained. Her heart still beat hard in her chest, that had felt so good, been so beautiful. She was amazed this was what it was supposed to feel like. It wasn’t some fluke in the darkness, this was it. 

Her brows frowned, she teared up. Had thought it was lost to her, ripped off her along with her sanity. But with Runa despite her strength, felt so different, had been so tender. She realized the point of doing it wasn’t just for pleasure or dominance, but for binding, for expression, and love. In the darkness it was the tenderness seeping through them, tying them together. Now it was her ache reaching out to stroke her in return, to bind her to this world. She got an overwhelming feeling that she knew for sure now. Knew with all her being she wanted to be with her. But she imagined every love-stricken teenager felt that after their first time? She smiled and closed her eyes. They barely knew each other, she reminded herself. The calmness in her chest was immense, she relaxed in her grip, decided to pace herself. She wondered if she had felt it too? Or at the very least had some sort of climax. She pondered if what they had done even counted as a first time?
“Did you also.. you know?” She whispered timidly, Runa giggled above her head.
“Yeah, I was kinda surprised.” She said in a hesitant tone. Sofie chuckled back at her, lifted her head and finally faced her. 

Her brown glossy eyes stared at her with sweet tenderness, her brows curved in gentle passion. She lifted her hand from her hair, and stroked her cheek gently. Sofie’s spine shivered with warmth, she sighed long and hard. Runa’s nose was thin and soft, her lips had sharp edges with a prominent cupid’s bow. They were somewhat thin, she smiled. Her upper lip bent up and gained volume when she did, her white teeth were small with soft corners. Her black lashes long, framed her eyes so beautifully. Her dark forehead glistened very slightly, and her thin black brows relaxed. Sofie’s chest ached with happiness, she grinned back at her as widely as she possibly could with hot cheeks. Finally, after all this time, she was here with her. Her beauty was raw and intense, her cheekbones and jaw were sharp and broad. She was the perfect mix between softness and hardness. There was something about that which made her chest mush together. She pressed her broad hand firmly on her cheek. Runa was so strong, somehow that strength was contrasted by the gentleness and care of her touch. It really felt like she could protect her from everything. 

She teared up, the thought of sharing such beautiful pleasure with her made her heart swell. The notion of blending their sensations together made her ache for more. She wanted to make her so happy, give her every soft sensation she could. The depth of her brown eyes shook her, her emotions expressed so openly and intensely. Her eyes were so tender and kind, she knew what she had seen that late summer’s day was no illusion of her feeble vulnerable mind. Her disposition though intense, was the safest she had ever seen. She leaned in and kissed her softly, whispered against her lips:
“You’re so beautiful.” Runa kissed her back softly, her lips gathered and rose in volume against her own. They were still wet, their movements were electric. She gasped again, Runa’s hand reached into her tanktop from her lower back, and stroked her bare skin. She didn’t know she was ready for anything like this, but it had happened so impulsively, unfolded so naturally between them. She worried she had pushed some boundary of hers without knowing it, she never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable, or scared. But she must have truly liked what had happened in the dark, since she was so eager this time. That made her so happy, and so relieved. Runa released and smiled widely to her. Her breath shook, with eyes still glossy her gaze was tender.
“I really like you.” She whispered. despite the day she had had, the strength it must take to lay it aside to feel joy was admirable. She didn’t know if she could do the same. Runa was very clearly a strongly feeling being, she seemed flexible and vivid against her. Her eyes shimmered with soft joy. Indeed her inner strength must be immense, Sofie grinned widely and tilted her head.
“I like you too, so much.” She whispered back, leaned in and kissed her again, resisted the urge to stick her tongue in. She wanted to just kiss her, make her relax and feel comfortable, it wasn’t all about the pleasure. Apparently her hormonal teenage brain and body were so impulsive and weak, could barely resist even the smallest intimate gestures from her. She craved her so intensely, it had hurt so much to be apart from her. Now she finally knew what having her close felt like. Now she has binded herself to her, with her mind, with her being. There was no going back now, a commitment sealed with light and warmth had emerged between them. She understood in the depth of her chest already, that she was already hers.

Chapter Text

While still lightheaded Sofie had dried off the fluids of her passion alone in the bathroom, when she was done Runa went in without her, fully dressed again. She wandered into her bedroom and put her pants back on. Sat down on the bed and looked around, processed the depth of her affection. Runa had come back and sat down beside her, leaned her face against her neck and shoulder, hugged her close. For a while they laid down and cuddled quietly. Runa still seemed so tired.

When they both were ready they had walked down to the kitchen. It was small with two doors on each wall, a big window looked out to the sea with a big oaktree standing between them. Its leaves were yellow and brown, though the branches were almost bare by now. They had decided on grilled cheese cooked in the oven, as they waited and watched the cheese melt and the slices of bread to darken, they had held around each other on the floor. She had her back against her, with her strong legs on either side of her. Runa had moved her hair aside and kissed her neck slowly and carefully. Each movement she made was spine tingling. She had sighed with happiness amongst the sweet aroma of their soon to be shared meal. Runa had spun words and jokes around to make her laugh, given new meanings to common sayings. It was as adorable as it was amusing. The brightness of her humor was infectious. 

Soon enough it was ready and they had eaten by the kitchen table while looking out the window. The oaktree, sea, and mountains stared back at them. Runa’s tired eyes slowly became more awake. The way she chewed was endearing somehow, her left eye glowed in amber by the sunlight from the window. Surprisingly eating with her was easy, being so preoccupied with Runa, it happened seamlessly. She couldn't help but wonder, if everything was going to be easy when with her?

-

Runa sat down in front of the stereo with a blanket over her shoulders, the door to the porch was left ajar, just so the fresh air could come inside. Sofie observed her drag out a CD from a big collection on shelves going from the floor to the ceiling. She put it in the stereo and pressed play, turned the volume down as it started. It was low enough for them to talk, but high enough to be appreciated. As an entire band of instruments played and vocals added words and melodies to them, Runa sat down beside her close to the door and embraced her with a sigh. Though she had more energy now, her eyes were still tired and somber. She stared at the ocean with a somewhat sullen expression. So Sofie turned around and pressed their chests together, moved her legs around her, and her arms behind her back. She touched her neck and curls, while she pressed her mouth and lips against the barely visible marks on her throat. Runa hugged her back and leaned her cheek against her ear. Sofie started kissing her neck gently. She wished she could take that violence away from her, kiss it all better. Just imagining it made her chest hurt, she stopped kissing it and stroked it with her cheek and nose. No matter how happy they made each other in the moment, Runa still had a terrible day. She too wished their first day could be carefree, but refused to let the fact that it wasn’t dampen her mood.

“Is it always like that at your school?” Sofie asked timidly, Runa sighed against her ear and shook her head.
“No, today was especially bad. Day to day it’s normally just lots of mean comments. I only get beat up about every other week or so. In the beginning it was way more.” She replied in a sullen tone. Sofie moved back and faced her.
“Only? That’s quite a lot still.” She responded in frustration. Runa looked down and to the side, frowned.
“Yeah I know, but this time it was just a week since last, is what I mean.” She added, Sofie remembered her black eye last Thursday, it was gone by now. She leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“Right, sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.” She whispered apologetically. Runa kissed her cheek back and hugged her closer, and sighed.
“What about you? What’s your day usually like?” She asked in a brighter tone. Sofie grinned, closed her eyes against her.
“At school I’m mostly left alone, I hide myself and never really speak to anyone but the boy seated beside me. He’s alright.” Runa stroked her back as she spoke.
“But after another boy held my face up to show off how hot I looked to his friend; things started to change. The girls have slowly begun to treat me worse too, but I don’t understand why. The same boy has also gone out of his way to make me uncomfortable, asking nasty questions. I already told you about that, right?” She continued, Runa kissed the side of her head and nodded, pressed her closer. Sofie stared at the stereo beside them, felt herself tear up a bit and added:
“I’m worried and my anxiety makes everything so hard. Though I seem to manage panic attacks a bit better lately.” She smiled, her cheeks prickled. It might be because of Runa, she knew. She sighed and closed her eyes.
“But like.. that’s nothing. Mostly I just keep to myself, it’s fine.” She added lastly, Runa scoffed and leaned back, stroked her cheek firmly with a worried gaze. Her caring was heartwarming, despite the topic she couldn’t help but smile.
“No, it’s not nothing? That sounds so stressful, and lonely.” Runa responded with care and softness. Her brows frowned with worry, Sofie looked down from her gaze and smiled. She was so sweet to her already.
“I know but, I haven’t had friends since I was thirteen, I’m used to it. When summer started I withdrew completely. Honestly, I’ve kinda been like that ever since. But lately, I’ve decided to open up a bit. That’s why I asked for your number when I got the chance.” She added in a more joyful tone, Runa smiled and pressed her nose against her cheek.
“I’m glad you did. But I get what you mean. I’ve been lonely for so long too, but I don’t feel that now.” She said softly, Sofie stared at her gaze up close, her cheeks rose in heat.
“Me neither, not even a little bit.” She responded softly, Runa’s eyes glimmered in the sunlight, she frowned as tears filled them.
“That’s so great.” She whispered softly while her voice shook, Sofie leaned back and grinned before she pressed her close and kissed her cheek.
“Oh no Runa don’t cry.” She complained apologetically. Runa giggled, leaned in and pecked her lips a few times before she said:
“No it’s fine, I’m not sad.” Sofie’s stomach fluttered, she grinned widely against her lips and said:
“Okay, that’s good.” She pecked her just once before lingering close to her lips. Quickly she remembered something that she knew was joyful. How do I know even if she’s polite, that she’s good? She had asked her father, here it was so clear, so obvious.
“Wanna know something nice?” She asked softly, Runa smiled and leaned back. The color of her skin was vibrant and warm in the clouded sunlight, her golden eyes gleamed with gentle happiness. She nodded and grinned softly. Sofie sighed and relaxed her smile, stroked her arm over her right tricep and blushed. The sight and feel of her was enough to take her breath away, to make her forget what she was about to say for a few moments. She smiled widely, looked down at her lips as she remembered again. It started with the eyes, she always say. He had answered her with, now that Runa’s warm eyes looked at her with care; she understood completely. Though she couldn’t always understand what all expressions from the eyes meant, she knew this. The intent behind them always showed, even in strangers, even with her. Did Runa know? Just how amazing her eyes were? How rare her spirit is, shining through them?

“I asked my dad for advice on how to know if someone was good or not. ‘Cause you know.. I wanted to reach out to you.” She said first, while she gazed into her deep brown eyes. Runa giggled, lifted her hand and stroked her cheek. Somehow her expressions were so easy to read, she lifted her brows and stared smugly at her. Seemed amused by the idea of her dad knowing about her.
“Oh, did you now?” She teased tenderly, Sofie laughed back at her and nodded, replied:
“Yes I did!” Runa chuckled further, gazed softly at her. Sofie’s cheeks prickled warmly as she continued:
“But I was worried that my memory of when we first met was just wishful thinking. He said to look for eyes that were kind.” She calmed her excitement, leaned back and focused on her eyes even more. Runa barred hers open for just a moment, as if to challenge her while waiting for the continuation. It was endearing enough to make her chuckle in a sigh, still heat grew within her chest.
“When we met again, I’ll have you know.” She added, sighed as Runa’s expression relaxed with gentle joy. Though the sunlight didn’t shine directly into her irises anymore, enough light hit them to coax the amber out of the brown. Sofie smiled broadly, and continued softly:
“You just have the warmest eyes I have ever seen.” Runa’s expression relaxed in exactly the warmth and kindness she was talking about. She grinned and tilted her head, asked smugly:
“Really?” Sofie looked down and smiled with her teeth, nodded timidly and paused. Her stomach fluttered more while her cheeks burned hot.
“Mhm. And he was right. The more I am around you, the more I see how good you are.” She added gently, Runa lifted her big hand and stroked her cheek, Sofie looked up at her again. Though her smile was wide and warm, her eyes had a bittersweet sadness to them. They turned glossy, and her brows tightened gently.
“It’s amazing that you still feel that way, despite everything I’ve told you today.” She whispered in careful bewilderment. Sofie tilted her head to match her angle, looked down at her lips and bit her own.
“You like me, but you also care about how I feel, I’ve never seen that before.” She looked up into her eyes, saw her expression relax into somber tenderness. She felt herself tear up, and looked down to the side as her blush grew even hotter.
“Even when we get a little.. carried away together, you ask if I’m okay. The boys at my old school, they never cared how I felt.” She saw Runa’s eyes change to proper worry. Sofie barred her eyes open and lifted her hand, she hadn’t been thinking. Feeling herself tense up, she wasn’t ready for her to know. Gently she tied her soaring hand together beside herself.
“I mean, uhm..” She whispered hesitantly. Scrambled to find a way to backtrack, but it was too late. So instead she said:
“They just said nasty things to me, and groped me sometimes.” Not an outright lie, she opted to just hold back on the worst parts. 

Runa’s panic calmed. Her eyes lowered in sadness instead as she pulled her face close, pressed their cheeks together. She gripped her hand tenderly, pressed it against her chest before letting go, and embraced her carefully. The gesture in this growing despair was somehow so sweet, she smiled automatically. Before she moved her face against Runa’s strong shoulder, and gazed behind them into the rest of the livingroom. Her sight blurred with incoming tears, as the details of the brown leather sofa, and green walls smudged.
“Shit Sofie, if I ever do anything that reminds you of something like that; promise to tell me, I never want you to feel that way with me.” She said in slow somber desperation. 

Sofie’s face tightened in sorrow. She felt something spike painfully from her belly, up through her inner chest. A cold chill went up her spine, she gasped and shut her eyes. They held around each other tighter, somehow the added pressure calmed the sharp tension bellowing within. She sighed deeply still with closed eyes. The cold tension calmed, and the comfort of her embrace ignited warmth up into her chest again. Runa didn’t even know what she was talking about, yet she somehow knew just what to say. Sofie nodded against her shoulder, rubbed her face into her neck and sniffled. Feeling her warm skin against her cheeks and nose gave them hot static once more. That heat rising in her spine spread to her breath, she opened her eyes and a tear dripped off her lower lashes. Everything Runa said and did made it so obvious, that she wasn’t like them, not one bit. Though she felt it deep in her bones, seeing her reaction completely solidified it. Turned it to stone, to last forever more.
“Okay I promise.” She groaned in a whisper. “But you feel so nice, I don’t think you have to worry. I’m so into you.” She continued, the tenderness from inside her chest mingled with her words, and softened her tone. Runa’s shoulders sank and relaxed against her. She hadn’t noticed them tightening. Relishing in her presence she realized; Runa’s embrace was as comforting as she had imagined. She leaned back enough to touch her nose against her ear. The sensation gave her spine a gentle quiver.
“Me too.” She responded softly. “But we probably shouldn’t rush it though.” Her tone was so tender, Sofie’s spine beamed so vividly. Amidst her belly fluttering she grinned widely.
“Yeah, let’s just take one step at a time, and see how it goes?” She responded and leaned back, finally looking at her again. Runa’s eyes were so soft and hopeful in her sadness, it made her spine beam. 

She nodded softly in agreement and moved close enough for their lips to almost touch.
“I wanna kiss you again.” She whispered smugly, the gentle brush of her lips as she talked made her stomach jitter vividly, she gasped back for just a moment.
“You don’t need to ask for that.” She replied amused, Runa giggled against her face, closed her mouth and sighed.
“That’s good to know.” She said and leaned in, their lips met slowly and carefully. 

It made her pulse increase, and her stomach to flutter more. Runa lifted her soft hand and stroked her cheek, released and grinned. Slowly she touched her cheek further back to her ear, before gently stroking her hair.
“So you told your dad about me, hm?” She asked playfully, Sofie felt her cheeks blush hard, she leaned back and giggled. Runa’s eyes widened in her expression of joy.
“Well, not like that.” She said as her laughter quickly calmed.
“I think he thought I was really nervous about talking to a girl, whom I wanted to just befriend.” She added, Runa grinned and lowered her warm gaze, leaned a bit to the side and kissed her cheek.
“Oh so he doesn’t know that you’re a..” She asked carefully, though still somewhat smugly. Sofie grinned, shook her head as she felt her lips brush against her jaw. Her own breath jittered by the light sensation.
“A lesbian? No, I haven’t told anyone outright, though I think he suspects something. I plan on telling everyone eventually, is that okay?” Runa nodded and leaned down, kissed the very top of her neck gently. Sofie sighed and lifted her arms around her shoulders, stroked them and smiled.
“Yes, that’s fine. I’m just happy being with you.” Runa responded, pecked her skin gently while brushing her fingers through her hair.
“What made your dad suspect it?” She asked further, Sofie grinned still with hot prickling cheeks.
“Well I had to tell somebody I was gonna be here today. He asked what you were like.” She answered, Runa leaned back in silence, observed her with quiet glee.
“I think when I described your eyes like the sunset he started suspecting something.” She continued and raised her brows at her, bit her lower lip in growing embarrassment. Runa leaned her head further back and laughed vividly, gripped her head firmly with both hands. Her wide beautiful smile gave light to the deepest parts of her chest. Her spine shivered in warmth by her joy.
“Holy shit Sofie.” She said happily in her laughter, then it calmed and she leaned in again, said with excited eyes:
“Yeah that'll do it.” She sighed hard and added as her eyes relaxed in tenderness:
“You can’t even hold back a little, can you?” Sofie grabbed both her cheeks and squeezed them, asked enthusiastically:
“Oh yeah? How exactly did you describe me to your parents?” Runa looked to the side and said with hesitation:
“Well, I mean..” And cleared her throat, Sofie chuckled awaiting her reply.
“I just said you were amazing, kind, and beautiful.” She said softly, just imagining it made her entire torso so hot.
“See? You’re no better!” She shouted, Runa widened her eyes and acted shocked, gasped in an overly offended manner.
“Uh! Yours was way worse!” She yelled back. “I didn’t describe you like:..” She added more calmly. Released from Sofie’s grip and lifted her hand, pressed the back of it against her forehead, pretended to be swooning dramatically, said with wide wispy words:
“Oh this beautiful girl with hair like gold and eyes like sapphires.” She leaned her head further back and sighed desperately, continued:
“With eyes like the bluest hour in winter, like the.. the oceaaaan on the brightest summer’s daaayy.” Though her serenade was unserious, it still made her cheeks prickle vividly, and her spine to tremble. She leaned forward and wrapped both her arms around her head, giggled back at her and yelled:
“Nooo, I didn’t do it like that!” They laughed loudly together, Runa hugged her back and closed her eyes. The way her smile folded her face so beautifully made her feel it yet again, the sight of it, sound of it; was something she needed. Bearing witness to it smoothened something within her, filled her shell with warmth. Again she felt so normal with her, except for her blazing crush tearing through her torso so delightfully.
“Okay okay.” Runa groaned eventually, they sighed hard against each other’s cheeks. Her belly hurt when everything calmed down again. The soft music still gave the silence flavor, and the ocean still rushed into shore. They hugged tightly, pressed cheek against cheek, she closed her eyes and grinned. The serenity of this moment dawned on her, the joy gripped softly inside her shell, the void within felt lesser. Tears gathered behind her closed eyes, every sensation and emotion felt so vivid against her.

But then Runa leaned back, stared at her with intensely serious eyes. Sofie paused, stared back at her.
“I’m gonna tell you something really serious, and I hope you’re okay with it.” She said in a tense tone, Sofie barred her eyes open, a hint of nervousness mingled with her gentle euphoria. She nodded and awaited her confession. Runa leaned against her cheek again and whispered smugly:
“I’m a lesbian too.” Sofie burst out into laughter yet again, heard Runa giggle as she grinned against her face:
“Oh are you really?!” She yelled back at her, Runa leaned backwards and laughed as she nodded firmly.
“Yeah I know that comes as a shock to you, but I really am.” She added in yet another serious tone, but she couldn’t keep her joy in this time. It was as adorable as it was amusing, Sofie laughed again, felt Runa’s fingers tickle her ribs, the laughter increased. Runa kissed her cheek as her giggles lingered, softly it died down but her joy remained. Her hot face prickled, she looked back at Runa who gazed at her proudly. She had such a warm glimmer in her eye, while her expression somehow softened even more. Sofie grinned and lifted both her hands, stroked her cheeks in unison.
“You’re so cute I could melt.” She commented joyfully. 

Runa rolled her eyes with a smile.
“I’m not that cute.” She said amused. Sofie leaned in while still holding her cheeks, pressed them together as she said right up in her face:
“Yes you are, every time you look at me, I melt a little.” She lifted her arms around Runa’s broad shoulders and groaned eagerly, as if her longing aggressively let itself out, finally having an outlet directly to the source. No distance was between them, no force in this world kept them apart anymore.
“Wow.” Said Runa and grinned.
“I’m starting to think you have a crush on me.” She added, in her euphoric state Sofie burst into laughter yet again, asked rhetorically:
“Oh you think so, do you?” They chuckled together, she felt her stomach tightening, her bliss heightening. She leaned in as their laughter calmed, kissed her hard on the lips. Runa’s beefy arms moved around her shoulderblades, and held her tightly. Her spine trembled against her stomach, the feel of her lips on hers felt electric. Still a giggle lingered against her, Runa released just enough to get a word in.
“I could make you laugh forever, beautiful.” She murmured against her lips. Sofie paused and pulled back, her entire upper body burned delightfully, and her pulse increased in tempo. She felt her spine glowing and shivering brightly. Her cheeks buzzed with heat as she grinned, she even looked away by the intensity of it and chuckled. Runa pressed her face against her cheek and stared at her with big eyes.
“Oh, I see.” She whispered amused.
“Well aren’t you smooth?” Sofie commented and looked back at her. Runa’s eyes relaxed in tenderness, she grinned playfully and asked:
“Oh there’s more where it came from.” Sofie bit her lower lip and grinned, as her entire face continuously prickled with her blush. Runa leaned down and kissed right below her jaw, her spine shivered as she gasped.
“What do you want me to say?” She asked still with a gentle smugness in her tone, Sofie giggled just a bit before she looked up to the side. Still her face and torso buzzed warmly, how was she supposed to know? Being called anything nice by her, and actually liking it was so new to her still. Just witnessing the intensity rushing through her own body was overwhelming.
“I’ll like whatever you come up with.” She replied feeling timid, though it sounded more smug and unserious than she intended. Runa kissed her cheek hard before saying:
“Is that so?” Her tone was soft and slow.
“In that case..” It turned lighter and faster. “You’re so cute, like a lil’ fancy bar soap. I could just hold you in my hand.” She spoke so playfully, Sofie couldn’t help but laugh loudly. Imagined her own likeness in the shape of a light blue bar soap, placed in Runa’s wide soft palm.
“That makes no sense.” She said and giggled. Runa started pecking her cheek repeatedly while continuing:
“You’re right, no you’re more like.. an itty bitty baby lemur, so cute and blue eyed.” Sofie laughed more as Runa paused and stared at her. Her warm eyes glimmered with joy.
“That still makes no..” Sofie commented gleefully, Runa quickly pressed her nose against her neck and sniffed hard in. It made Sofie pause with an increasing heartbeat. She felt her skin tingle near her.
“Mmm and you smell like.. a summer breeze and Sapfjord cake.” Her mind flooded with memories of a hot summer days, that specific cake so creamy and sweet. Feeling it melt inside her mouth, she bit her lower lip and sighed, and blushed with a beaming spine. Runa groaned happily and hugged her closer. Continued more enthusiastically, while pressing her nose and mouth against her cheek:
“And you’re so warm, like a stone in the sun.” Her mind flickered again, with sweet warm memories. Of her and Olai as a toddler picking up warm stones at the shore. How the small ones in the grass were hot to the touch. She groaned and pressed her close with her arms, observed Runa gazing tenderly back at her. Somehow she was doing surprisingly well.

Eventually she grinned with her teeth and tightened her voice into a pretentious persona and groaned, said:
“And you’re so beautiful, I just wanna draw you like one of those french girls.” Sofie saw herself laying down on a fancy couch, putting her arm over her head and staring at Runa at the ready to draw her.
“I won’t be very good at it, it’ll look awful, unlike you.” Quickly Sofie imagined her turning the sketchbook around for her to see, showing her lines contorted in a broken silhouette. She closed her eyes and lifted her head in heavy laughter. Amidst her tightening stomach her cheeks and spine blazed so hot. Was that even actually funny? Her chest glowed so brightly, did it even matter? Runa playfully kissed her neck so intensely, she felt the tip of her tongue stick out just once, it sent a shiver bright like lightning up her spine. Then Runa smacked her lips playfully and said:
“MmmMmm and you taste so sweet, like the skin of an apple.” She added and groaned against her skin. Weren’t the skin of apples kind of bitter? In her weirdness she was completely endearing, despite everything that had happened today her personality was so vivid. Her entire body buzzed with glee so golden in her chest, she wondered if she had ever been this happy before?
“Gosh Runa, you’re so funny.” She commented as Runa pecked her neck and stroked her hair.
“And you’re adorable.” Runa groaned proudly against her, paused and looked up at her. Her expression was wide but calm, so carefree despite her tiredness. Observing her spread her bliss to gentle euphoria. Though she minded little just feeling like this, the heat sank deeper into her pelvis. Still her heartbeat was so strong, she wondered what else her words could coax out of her. Especially when she was this amazing at making her laugh.

“But can’t you say something different?” Sofie asked softly, looked to the side and hesitated. Her cheeks still buzzed so hot. Runa paused and moved up, faced her with wide happy eyes. She curled her index finger around her long hair and bit her lower lip, sighed hard. Sofie lifted her gaze and faced her pretty brown eyes, still the amber tempted her with its warmth.
“What? You want me to put my moves on or something?” Runa teased, Sofie lifted her hands and cupped her face. What would that even look like? As she was about to answer with eagerness, she stopped herself. Her mind was so dull in the presence of such splendor, still it painted scenarios hot like summers and cakes. Of her warm hands stroking over her body so tenderly, while hearing sweet words in whispers against her lips.
“Well uhm.. I donno, maybe?” She replied hesitantly, looked down to the side and felt her entire face prickle. Did she already have a one track mind? It seemed so, was that okay? Or was it offputting? Runa leaned in on her ear and whispered softly:
“Oh wow, you actually do?” Her stomach fluttered more, she closed her eyes hard and smiled. Somehow she felt embarrassed just by hinting at it. She nodded slowly, and sighed hard. So easily her intensity could overburden her, she knew. Runa was tired, and maybe this was too much for her? She turned her head to the side still with her eyes closed, frowned her brows to herself. The heat in her torso cooled just a bit, making her doubt rise in the silence. 

Runa let go of her hair and touched the side of her waist gently, it made her spine bolt slightly. Sofie opened her eyes and turned her head, still staring down at her neck and collarbones. Her dark red tanktop and upper breasts were pushed inside a sportsbra. It was hard not to stare.
“I’ll try my best.” Runa whispered further. Sofie bit her lower lip, lifted her head to meet hers in height. Runa’s hand found toucher her lower arm, and moved it slowly up to her shoulder with her fingertips. Her stomach fluttered even more intensely. She let go of her face and held onto both her shoulders, while Runa grabbed her head and held it.
“But I might not be good at it.” She added in a more normal tone, Sofie gazed at her with focus and smiled widely against her cheek. Runa’s expression was relaxed with a weak smile, her brown skin still so bright and beautiful. She seemed unsure of herself, her vivid brown gaze lowered to the side, and her lips frowned gently.
“You’re doing so great already, you’ll be fine.” She whispered to reassure her despite feeling shy herself. Runa giggled and moved her head back, looked down at her lips while she seemed to think.
“Oh that’s good, hmmm, well then..” She whispered back. And gently started moving her nose tip against hers back and forth, it was so adorable she noticed herself smiling and blushing even harder. Runa breathed in, opened her mouth and paused for a moment, before she smiled and looked up at her eyes. The sight of her direct gaze made her heartrate rise just a bit more.

“Your eyes are deep like the ocean, all I want is to... wait no.” Runa said hesitantly, grinned and started laughing. Somehow now that the expectations had changed, it made her seem shy and giggly like the teenage girl she was. Sofie chuckled with her, this was quite entertaining as well as adorable.
“Hmm, no that doesn’t cut it.” She said playfully and looked away with a wide closed smile. Runa kissed her cheek in an unserious exaggerated desperation, it made her giggle.
“No wait, let me try again.” Runa said amused, Sofie turned and faced her, nodded as she frowned in a smile and lifted her brows at her. Runa smiled so widely, and stroked her cheeks with both hands. She looked down at her mouth, then up at her eyes again.

“I want you to feel how much I like you, through my body.” She said softly, Sofie’s spine began to glow as she barred her eyes open. Had she felt the same sensations and emotions she herself had, during? The notion made her chest ache. Runa seemed to notice, and calmed her gaze into something tender. The look of it mushed her chest amidst her fast heartbeat.
“Oh, tell me more.” Said Sofie in a low but still unserious tone. Runa lowered her head again, kissed her neck gently. The sensation made her stomach flutter more. Runa’s voice grew heavier in her breath as she continued:
“I want to..” She said ever so softly and sighed. “To kiss away every bad thing that has ever happened to you.” The words made her inner chest crave her in the tragedy of her past, she lifted her arms around her head and stroked her hair, pushed her closer.
“That’s good, that’s very good.” She said and sighed hard with warm bliss, slowly stronger euphoria crept up into her torso. Runa licked her neck carefully, She sighed deeply and lifted her head, closed her eyes. Runa kissed her way up to her ear, and whispered into it:
“Because that’s how you make me feel.” Sofie turned her head and faced her as her breath glowed hot, her cheeks buzzed in scorching rain.
“Do I really?” She whispered and opened her mouth against her lips, panted gently while brushing over them. Her groin warmed up with arousal, she felt her chest ache harder with yearning so vast and hot; the mist already started falling over her mind.
“Oh yes. When you’re against me, I forget how bad it all felt. All I feel is you.” She whispered back and smiled proudly, panted gently too. She seemed to get into it just as much. Her big hands pressed her cheeks together, their lips brushed against each other just a bit closer. Then she stroked her soft hand back, to her ear and hair, and gazed at her with quiet tenderness.

Somehow the sky opened in her direction. Sunrays hit her brown eyes directly, and made her irises glow like fire. Her expression was so caring still, it lit up with focus. She blinked, her dark lashes flipped down and up. A hard bolt shot up her spine. She sighed deeply with a jittery breath, her pulse was so high. Hairs raised on her forearms, she grinned near her lips. The countless romance books she had read came to mind, deep emotional serenades flickered in her memory. Uttered inside pages with such beautiful sentences of longing, it echoed on her tongue. Whilst remembering she spoke softly, losing herself in the moment:
“I see the fire in your eyes, please let me feel the warmth of your flame.” Runa froze and grinned with wide eyes, sighed hard against her.
“Jesus fucking christ.” She said surprised and giggled, Sofie nodded and chuckled, proud by the intensity of her serenade.
“I can do it too.” She said back softly. Their lips met hard, Runa murmured between a movement:
“Yes I can tell.” 

Their lips dragged hard over each other, Sofie breathed hard but slow to compensate for her panting, their mouths opened wide. Runa’s tongue stirred in her mouth, moved around her tongue in delightful circles. She closed her eyes and sighed hard, her breath quickly became loud and jittery. Runa grabbed a strong hold around her back, made her sit up on her knees while still on her lap. They released with wet lips, Runa sighed hard, looked up at her with focused tenderness. The raised hairs on her arms persisted, while her groin hummed harder with tension, a bright intense shiver traveled slowly up her spine. She gasped as Runa lifted her up and around slowly, her groin began to radiate so warmly. Runa’s eyes barred open as she was put down with her back against the floor, while gasping and grinning.
“You like that I’m strong?” Runa whispered, amongst the sounds of the music and the ocean waves, Sofie nodded eagerly and felt embarrassed again. Runa frowned her brows and smiled down at her in playful aggression.
“Holy shit Sofie, I can’t believe you’re real.” She said in firm amazement, and leaned down quickly. Covered her with her strong body, pressed their torsos together, Sofie’s right thigh ended up between her legs. Runa leaned in and kissed her with eagerness and joy. Their tongues mingled, and their breaths mixed, those circular motions turned hard and rapid. Her entire mouth prickled intensely with warm static, she moaned in a steep breath as Runa tilted her head to the other side. Sofie moved her hands around her head again, pressed her closer. Her entire body boiled by now, Runa moved their pelvises together slowly, the fabric of their thick denim jeans created no way near enough friction, to make the pleasure rise. She gasped in frustration, released and touched the edge of Runa’s jeans as she said:
“I think we gotta take them off, if we wanna..” She bit her lower lip, blushed as Runa sighed hard and nodded. 

She sat up on her knees in front of her, they both unzipped and pulled them down. Runa bent over her again, Sofie helped pull her pants down enough for her to move her leg out, she turned the right pantleg inside out. Sofie had to giggle while Runa hastily pulled it off her ankle, she looked back at her. Moved further over her, and stuck her leg into the empty space between Sofie’s groin, and the jeans down at her knees. They began to giggle together, so much effort it took for their desire to flourish. Somehow it made her want her more, the playfulness helped her relax. The laughter made her feel less embarrassed. She blushed hard in her happiness, grinned and chuckled against her cheek. Runa began to move against her, Sofie pulled her leg out of her own pantleg, it prolapsed and clung to her ankle as well. She bent her knee up to the side before pressing it hard against Runa’s hip. They chuckled continuously while they finally got into the proper position.

Runa relaxed on top of her, sighed and smiled against her lips. They pecked each other gently a few times before Runa whispered:
“Ready?” Sofie nodded and responded with a:
“Mhm.” Runa grinned broadly and lifted her brows, added:
“Set.” Sofie burst out with laughter yet again, found her cheeks with her hands and stroked them.
“Don’t you dare say go.” She demanded amidst gentle caresses. Runa giggled and kissed her cheek, nodded and sighed hard. Her gaze changed from gleeful to soft, Sofie’s laugh stopped quickly when she noticed it. She stroked her cheeks firmer as a response, Runa smiled and leaned down, brushed her lips against hers while still looking at her.
“I did mean what I said though, I wasn’t just playing around.” She whispered, Sofie felt her cheeks heat up even harder than before. They laid still against one another, lingering in anticipation.
“You really are sweet, and soft, and so very..” She said so tenderly, before she added volume and continued:
“.. very beautiful.” Sofie’s entire torso trembled with frustration and heat, she sighed hard and smiled widely at her, staring into those warm soft eyes.
“God Runa, I wanted you the moment I saw you.” She said back with tender frustration.
“And when you looked at me with those fiery eyes?” She added and sighed steeply and forcefully. Before she continued she paused, admired her gaze seemingly set ablaze with focused tenderness.
“I’ll never be the same.” She said lastly, her tone was dreamlike up against her face, so near the fire she had clung to. Finally it was here with her, at last she could touch it. Runa smiled widely while her eyes turned glossy and vivid, she stared at her as they finally started. They began to move properly, in this very specific position she had discovered, the friction hit her too. She bit her lower lip, observed Runa lowering her lips closer to her. Her body was so wide over her own, the pressure of her weight made her calm. In the fullness of time, the amber of her irises ignited her more than any gentle friction between them ever could.
“You’re so beautiful.” She whimpered, Runa grinned widely against her lips. Despite it all she looked so happy, her dark lashes lowered so near her. She paused and stared down at her lips, her gaze was so soft and tearful it made her heart soar. She whispered back with ever softening eyes:
“Oh Sofie.” Before she pressed their faces together and kissed her gently. Sofie lifted her hands again and stroked behind her neck, opened wide and tilted her head. Their wet tongues blended together again. They got so intense, her breath shook as it scorched, she grinned in the kiss. Though her chest glowed by the notion that she helped her forget all the pain, her desire reigned in her body. Still her spine beamed and her stomach fluttered, along with an increasing pulse, she started losing herself. Her entire torso was being set aflame by her slow heaving breath. Her body trembled vividly in the wake of her affection made into motion yet again.

Something changed inside her, she suddenly became so aware of everything. Amongst the heavenly movements against her, she stared inside her own mind, taking it all in with clarity. Despite being on the floor, despite the power of Runa’s body; she felt only happiness. Nothing in her body screamed to be let go, nowhere in her mind did the lightning of terror strike. For a moment she observed herself lucidly in her bliss. Runa’s eagerness and strength wasn’t dominant, wasn’t actually forceful. Somehow she already knew, if she told her to stop, she’d stop. Even just crying beneath her while kissing was enough to make her pause. She clearly cared so much. Sofie grinned and cried amidst the rising pleasure, her happiness ached in her chest, swelled her heart into the shape of only her. Trust once lost, webbed together below her body, kept her in place anew. There was no going back, below her as above, she was finally set free from the terror, the uncertainty, and from the pain, here there was only pleasure and softness. Here she could exist peacefully, she felt herself grin and sob silently, here below her, she was finally free. Then she fell back into the moment, the fog of her desire fell over her focus. Her tears stopped, and only pure euphoria and lust remained.

Runa moved slightly hard against her, moaned more intensely, clearly with enthusiasm more so than with pure pleasure. The sound of it made her spine quiver, her clitoris started to glow like a single flame flickering. Sweat gathered on her forehead and inside her tanktop, still the hairs on her arms stood straight. Tickling her down to the nerves, as they shot with gentle beams into her spine in waves. She gasped and tilted her head to the other side, Runa followed. The feel of their tongues twinning, mixing and turning made her moan in a hard breath, had her heart burst with utter bliss. The quick movements against her body were encouraging and intoxicating, she began to fade into vapor. Her hands trembled and moved down to Runa’s tanktop and pulled it up, desperately she stroked the bare skin of her back firmly. She felt the dampness of her slowly emerging sweat, images of her glistening in their movements made her arousal heighten. That flame in her groin grew potent and sharp. She moaned as she kept her eyes closed, slowly she began to lose where in her mouth she ended, and Runa’s began. Her focus faded in the blazing heat. Warmth beamed like lightning up her spine, boiled her around her belly and heart, she teared up with happiness. Could almost feel the softness of her soul caressing her. From outside her skin it seeped in through every fabric and pore, melting them together in rising pleasure. This was all it took for her to melt against her. For her to fold and let the control of her body evaporate between them. Her clitoris glowed, a burning warmth pushed against her pelvis and hip bones. She let go of her lips, felt brave enough to open her eyes in the increasing bliss and pleasure. Runa looked down at her with gentle eyes, her gaze lost against her. Sofie moaned and grinned with her awareness half lost, her mind beamed as the tingling pleasure rose and changed. She felt her thighs tightening, her stomach twitching, and her clitoris bursting with sharper pleasure. Just looking at her made it rise harder than she expected. Her bright eyes of fire lit up her heart. God Runa, I feel you, come closer, her mind screamed to her. I’m already yours!

She gaped and closed her eyes, let go of herself so the pleasure could take over. Runa leaned down, touched her tongue at the tip with her own, her mouth buzzed and tingled. The tip became electric, she curved her back and faced upwards, let go of her tongue, and moaned properly as her orgasm reached a peak higher than expected. Runa moaned into her mouth together with her, they shook against one another. The pleasure stirred in and around her pelvis and groin, glowed gently but deeply, tingling ecstasy vibrated from her clitoris for just a few seconds. She moaned higher and squirmed, before they let go and collapsed together. 

It had happened so fast yet again, so effortlessly somehow. She opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Her eyesight was somewhat foggy and unfocused, her panting was quick and slow to calm. Her body boiled, she felt her vagina contract just a few times with very gentle pleasure. Though it was clear to her that the amount and potency of their desire for one another, were the main contributors to their pleasure. It wasn’t lost on her how surprisingly good that had felt physically. They had barely done anything, and it felt this good? How would actually doing it with her feel then? The thought alone made her vertebrae burst with light, and a very gentle flicker of tingling happen in her groin. She was surprised to feel herself dripping just a little from her vulva, just imagining it. However it had come about now, she hoped Runa felt it too. She smiled as she moved her arms around her back and hugged her now slightly sweaty body closer. Still clothed, her head, neck, shoulders and arms were soft and damp to the touch. She relaxed her legs against the floor, her mind rose from the fog. She looked to the side, and saw Runa’s dark little curls.

“You okay?” She asked and chuckled, Runa nodded against her shoulder and sighed hard.
“Jesus fuck.” She said surprised. Sofie felt the joy rise in her chest, it burst brightly and shone right out her mouth. She started laughing hysterically, Runa lifted her body and looked down at her in surprise. Her eyes relaxed and her smile widened silently, as she tilted her head seemingly relishing in her laughter. Sofie giggled with hot cheeks, such bright happiness swirled in her chest, she felt surprised by that too. Runa’s gaze was so warm and tender, she moved her hand down to her face and stroked some of her bangs to the side, before caressing her cheek so softly.
“That laugh really is amazing.” She said as Sofie’s laughter finally calmed. She lifted her arms to her, said still a bit out of breath:
“You’re amazing.” Runa quickly bent down and pecked her hard repeatedly, before she moved her head further down. She pressed her face against her neck, and sighed lightly seemingly with happiness. Sofie closed her eyes and felt a stronger high than before. It was calming and made her chest continuously mush in blazing heat. The bright bliss had sunken into it, giving her deep but gentle euphoria instead.
“I think.. that we’re very compatible.” She said in amazement, Runa giggled beneath her, breathed against her skin.
“Yeah no kidding.” She responded and sighed long and hard. Sofie moved her hand to the back of her neck and touched her soft little curls, blushed as the music faded and only the ocean waves remained.
“I really like your eyes too, I’ll have you know.” She said softly, Sofie grinned and blushed.
“Is that so?” She asked and giggled for a second, Runa scoffed as if the question was unprecedented.
“Yes!?” She said eagerly in a playful tone, lifted her head up and faced her. Her warm eyes stared back with joy, and her brows curved gently with a soft expression. It made her stomach flutter.
“They are the biggest bluest eyes I have ever seen, like the brightest summer sky. When I look into them, the heavens are looking back at me.” She said in a tone ever fading into a daydream. Sofie’s entire face warmed up, her spine shivered, my god. She lifted her hands and stroked her cheeks, it was warm though no blush showed through her dark skin.
“You could have just said that, before.” She said amused, Runa giggled, her eyes softened with joy as she grinned.
“Oh really? That would have done it?” She asked smugly. Sofie laughed and nodded, Runa sighed and leaned down on her, kissed her lips softly. Her spine shivered again. When she released she stroked their noses together and closed her eyes. Sofie lifted both hands up from her cheeks, and stroked her neck and hair gently once more.
“Just being this close to you is enough, actually.” She responded softly. Runa sighed in a fading smile, her eyes relaxed into a sad gaze.
“Most people don’t even want to be near me, it’s so wild that you do.” She murmured sullenly, it made Sofie tear up and grin apologetically in a frown. Runa’s words were heartbreaking enough to bring out a hard ache in her chest.
“Oh noo, Runaaa.” She responded in long low tones. She lifted her face down to hers still pressed at her neck, and kissed her. The movements were wide and gentle at the same time. She released still with the ache inside her.
“I wanna be near you so much.” She added hurriedly. Runa blinked while smiling so close to her face.
“Yes I can tell.” She teased amused, Sofie grinned and blushed, tilted her head, Runa leaned in and kissed her again, quickly the tips of their tongues met timidly between each movement. Her heart beat faster in her chest, along with a tingling spine, and a fluttering stomach. The joy was never ending, Sofie released and mumbled back:
“I can’t get enough of you.” Runa smiled widely and looked down at her lips. Her eyes shimmered with tears.
“Man, this is such a weird day.” She commented amazed, it made Sofie giggle and press her closer. Runa hugged her cheek against her nose and lips, sniffled gently. Sofie was still so impressed she had the energy and will to do anything at all. She hoped tomorrow would be different for her. That they’d be carefree together, in every way.
“I’m sure tomorrow will be better.” She stated with hesitant joy, Runa chuckled gently and sniffled against her again, nodded slowly in a seemingly increasing tiredness.
“With you I know it will be.”

*

Runa held both of Sofie’s pale skinny hands in hers. They were tense in her grip, she looked up at her face and smiled. Sofie grinned nervously back at her, they stood at the top of the stairs. Her soft features were endearing and elegant all at once, it was stunning no matter what expression she pulled. Runa lifted her free hand and stroked her soft cheek gently, Sofie’s smile broadened. She must have felt quite comfortable despite her nervousness, since she didn’t wear her large hooded jacket. Just her jeans and tanktop. The shapes of her were so elegant and beautiful, her shoulders were soft, and her neck was long and thin. Runa let her hand fall from her cheek to her collarbone. She was happy Sofie didn’t move her hand away, apparently her breasts were a point of insecurity for her. The notion made her heart sink. That must be so awful, being looked at like that. It was a shame she had been made to feel that way about herself. Runa looked down at them for a moment, then up at her face again. They were so aesthetically pleasing, everything about her was so beautiful. Her stomach fluttered, and her spine shivered and gave her chest warmth. She couldn’t wait to feel more of her, whenever that would be. Sofie didn’t seem to mind her looking, she somehow felt privileged by that. She was indeed the lucky one for once.

“I promise they’re really nice.” Runa whispered carefully, Sofie nodded and looked down, grabbed her hand harder and seemed to brace herself.
“Are you ready?” Runa asked, Sofie nodded, she grinned back and leaned in, pecked her quickly a few times. The thought of her kisses actually helping made her so happy. Maybe in the same way hers had helped when she kissed her face while she cried outside her school. Sofie smiled at her, her cheeks pinked up. The shape of her lips were immaculate, her big blue eyes stared at her with such tenderness, it was hard not to genuinely smile. 

Then Runa started to move down the stairs, Sofie walked behind her, still holding her hand. Her slim fingers fit so well between her thick ones. Her touch was soothing for her too. Sofie had convinced her to tell them everything after dinner, and she felt nervous as well. She had folded the brochure and put it in the back pocket of her pants. It laid at the ready.

When they reached the end of the stairs, the smells of the dinner became clearer. Some sort of cream based soup. Sofie lifted her face, smiled and sniffed. She seemed to like the aroma of it, her face was so beautiful Runa’s knees shook just a little bit. And to think; she actually liked her, wanted her. The notion felt unreal, but it also felt so right.

Harrald stood over the stove and stirred the pot, he looked up to the side when he saw them in the open door to the kitchen, he smiled, observed them still holding hands.
“Oh hey, so it’s your shoes and jacket in the hallway?” He said, as if he didn’t know she’d come today. Sofie smiled, let go of her hand and lifted it. Harrald let go of the ladle and shook her skinny hand. It was even smaller in his broad pale fingers and palm.
“I’m Harrald, welcome.” He said and smiled. She grinned, looked down. Was she scared or shy? Either way it was cute enough for Runa to feel herself blush. Not that it showed from beneath her dark skin, in that she felt lucky.
“Thanks, yes I’m Sofie. And wow that smells so good.” She replied back to him, and let go of his hand and grabbed a careful hold of Runa’s lower arm. Marion set the table, when she was done she turned around and looked at them. Noticed Sofie touching her and smiled, stared Sofie in the eyes and readied her hand to be shaken. Sofie let go of her arm and shook it.
“I’m Marion, and you two are just in time for dinner.” Sofie smiled back, said more gleefully:
“I’m Sofie, hello hi.” She must already feel somewhat comfortable with them. Runa lifted her arm and touched the small of her back. A chair had been placed right beside her own, Sofie looked back at her with a smile and tender eyes. They sat down, their chairs were close together, but somehow she felt like being nearer. Without their shoulders touching it felt empty. So instead of moving her chair closer she lifted her hand, and stroked Sofie’s bare shoulder. Her skin was so soft, slowly she was getting used to it. The pot was placed on the table on top of a wooden placemat. It was cauliflower soup, with brokoli added to it. Runa knew it was quite tasty, and looked forward to seeing Sofie undoubtedly liking it.
“You wanna go first?” Runa asked and turned to her, Sofie nodded, lifted her bowl and quickly helped herself. The soup was hot and steaming. After her, Runa poured some for herself, next her parents helped themselves. Sofie lifted the spoon up to her mouth, blew on it for a few seconds before she put it in her mouth. Her face lit up, she smiled and closed her eyes, said:
“Mmmm, that’s delicious.” Runa giggled and looked at her, Sofie opened her beautiful blue eyes and smiled back at her. She seemed to be enjoying her good mood, leaned closer to her and had their shoulders touch gently. Her bare shoulder touched hers, it made her stomach flutter amidst the hunger. She looked down and put the spoon into the soup. Moved it beneath a piece of broccoli, lifted it up and blew on it. She looked up at her parents who stared at them and grinned. They looked so happy, and somehow relieved. She’d be too if she was her own parent. She felt herself blushing, somewhat embarrassed. She cleared her throat, put the spoon into her mouth and tasted the savoriness of the soup. It was perfectly balanced, she even tasted a hint of chili in it, grinned and gazed at Harrald.
“Tasty as always.” She commented with gentle glee, he nodded to her and smiled proudly, looked over at Sofie with an excited expression, then he looked back at Runa and raised his brows. In a knowing gaze he seemed to understand it had all gone well, that the feelings they had discussed on Sunday had come to good use.

“So, Sofie, you go to Gardencity School?” Marion asked, breaking the silence. Sofie nodded and looked down.
“Yes, I do, I just started after the summer break.” She replied, their shoulders separated.
“Oh wow you just missed her then.” Harrald said and gestured at Runa with a nod. Sofie grinned, replied:
“Yes I did, but that’s okay. She passed me by during gym class anyway.” Runa giggled and looked at her.
“Oh, you have gymnastics together?” Marion continued, she probably knew the answer but pretended not to. Sofie grinned and looked over at Runa.
“Oh god I wish.” She said eagerly with pink cheeks. Her parents' eyes grew wide for a moment, they grinned and looked at Runa who almost choked on her next spoonful. It made Sofie laugh with her beautiful rolling laughter. Runa’s spine tingled, and she sighed while she observed her wide beautiful smile. Sofie cleared her throat.
“No, it was just happenstance.” She said more calmly, then she lifted her thin pale hand and stroked a small curl close to Runa’s right ear behind it, looked down so adorably and said:
“Then I finally met her again last.. Thursday was it?” Her cheeks were still pink, she seemed embarrassed by openly caressing her. Runa stroked her arm to comfort her.
“It’s okay.” She whispered and looked over at her parents, Marion smiled so widely at her she knew she was happy to see someone care about her. Harrald leaned back with his arms crossed, but he too smiled at them.

“So, you're in tenth grade too?” He asked. She nodded.
“What subjects do you like?” He asked further. She looked up, smiled, seemed to search for the answer inside herself. Runa knew, she remembered them talking about it on Sunday.
“Hmm, I mean I like music and art class, but I think my favorite is natural sciences.” She replied. Marion’s eyes lit up a bit.
“Oh, interested in nature are you?” She asked. Sofie nodded and looked over at Runa for just a moment then back at Marion again.
“Nature, evolution, the food chain, the fibonacci sequence, the countless systems for everything. Even us, here and now. So much is happening all at once, it’s wild.” Replied Sofie, Runa’s eyes opened wide. The fiba-what? Sofie looked down, looked so shy. Runa lifted her hand to her forearm against the table.
“What do you mean happening here and now?” She asked in an attempt to encourage her. Somehow, hearing just how smart she was, made her spine shine and her cheeks prickle warmly. Sofie looked up at her, smiled with warm eyes.
“Well, apart from the countless systems just within our body, and how it itself is an ecosystem all on its own: There are so many instincts and hormones that trigger emotions in us, especially when we do something like; eating dinner together.“ She continued, and looked over at Marion who listened closely, nodded for her to go on. Sofie looked down again, but despite her shyness she smiled and added:
“I just think it’s so interesting that we’re hardwired to chemically bond with those we trust enough to relax and eat a meal with. Probably the origins of breaking bread being in so many cultures, and why it had such great significance. It’s ‘cause we’re pack animals, and we need to bond to survive, so it’s kind of a big deal, what we’re doing right now.” Sofie had monologued with vivid eyes and a wide smile. Babblered so adorably beside her, Runa sighed and concentrated, felt her cheeks prickling as she did. But then Sofie seemed to notice herself talking, her smile faded and she lowered her head, said hesitantly:
“I mean like; instinctually.” She looked over at her with a shy expression, said while Runa touched her arm again carefully:
“That’s… what I mean.” She added lastly and looked down again.
“Wow, that’s so cool.” Runa said to reassure her, only then did she smile ever so carefully again. 

Harrald grinned at her and leaned forward.
“You know, I think that is the original function of music. Way back when, it must have bonded big groups of people with harmony. Music moves so deeply within us, there has to be a really good reason for it.” He said, Sofie’s eyes lit up and she looked at him.
“Oh! I haven’t thought about that before.” She said excitedly, before she looked down and seemed lost for just a few moments while she whispered:
“Well of course.” Runa grinned, leaned closer to her again, still with a fluttering stomach with her entire face burning hotter. She couldn’t help herself. She curled her finger into her hair close to her jaw and said:
“Wait, are you saying you haven’t chemically bonded to me until just now, because we’re finally eating dinner together?” She joked and grinned. Sofie lifted her head back and laughed, her smile was wider, her laugh rolled in a higher pitch. And her cheeks grew redder. It made Runa’s insides mush and her chest heat up so hard. She sighed and observed her laughter while she bit her lower lip and giggled. Noticed her parents observing them quietly. Sofie calmed down, moved her face closer to hers and smiled broadly at her.
“No, that is not what I’m saying.” She replied amused, then she sighed and looked at her with deeper tenderness. Her cheeks had increased to a light red color. She was so pale it was so easy to see. Runa moved her finger away from her hair and pressed it on her hand instead.
“I guess I misunderstood you then.” She responded playfully. Sofie pressed the elbow of her other arm on the table and leaned on her hand, moved closer to her and said with amusement:
“That’s okay. I’d be happy to explain to you in detail about the chemical bondings of pairs later.” Runa’s entire torso heated up, she felt her spine tingle, and her cheeks prickle like static.
“Oh I’m looking forward to it.” She responded. In her side view she observed her parents grabbing each other’s hands and watching them carefully. She turned her head towards them, felt tense and straightened her back. Sofie did the same and looked down, she too seemed embarrassed. Runa lifted her hand and pressed it beside her left eye and brow, grabbed a spoonful of soup with the other and continued eating. She decided she had to try and hold back more, this was all so new to them both. Sofie pressed her shoulder against her own, they smiled at one another.

Marion and Harrald started to have a casual conversation about their days, both she and Sofie nodded and listened, Runa asked some questions here and there. She lifted her foot under the table and pressed it against Sofie’s. They couldn’t stop staring at each other. It seemed she too was impatient to be alone together again. Runa decided to bring up everything that had happened today, later. She needed some happiness right now, and it came so easily from Sofie at this moment, she didn’t want to ruin it. It seemed Sofie had decided the same thing, for she hadn’t brought it up before they left the table. She had grabbed Runa’s hand before they went up the stairs and paused, giving her a chance to bright it up before going upstairs, Runa shocked her head to her. Then they ran up the stairs together, still in good moods.

They sat down on her bed again, Sofie grabbed both of her hands hard and looked down. Her blush had calmed during the rest of the dinner, but it slowly rose up again. It was so noticeable, Runa grinned at her. Untwinned her hand from hers and rose it to her cheek, stroked it.
“You blush so easily.” She commented carefully.
“Normally I actually don’t.” Sofie responded, then she looked up with pink cheeks, Runa laughed.
“Oh so it’s just me then?” She asked, Sofie nodded and leaned in closer.
“Mhm. You’re quite flirtatious aren’t you?” She asked rhetorically and grinned. Runa swallowed and smiled.
“You make it so easy.” She commented calmly. Sofie looked down at her lips, smiled gently.
“I know what you mean.” Then she looked up, her eyes became softer and more relaxed. Her entire face got a tender expression, she leaned in closer. The hairs stood on Runa’s forearms, she sighed deeply and hard. Her breath shook as she lifted her hand slowly from her cheek to the back of her head. They tilted their heads to opposite sides, the tips of their noses met for just a moment. And then their lips met.

Sofie’s lips were so thick and soft, the moment they did; a strong warm bolt traveled up her spine and she sighed quickly. Sofie noticed, smiled against her lips and opened her mouth. She stuck her tongue in carefully, met hers. It was thick, slippery and warm, moved gently around the tip. Runa sighed again, her groin got a heartbeat. Apparently their flirtatious behavior had been enough to get her ready. It really didn’t take much. Against her she had cried, kissed, laughed, moaned, all in one day. Though most were embarrassing at the time, now as it all had quieted down; they felt connected somehow. The universe sought to test them right from the get go, and they had come out the other side. Sofie had said one look from her changed her? As their lips dragged and their tonguetips circled repeatedly, she felt she knew what she meant. Only it wasn’t a look, but a kiss. Her spine beamed with warmth, and her belly and chest felt hot in her breath. Her heart melted in her embrace. It changed her still, every time they touched, kissed, every time they pressed their bodies together like that. She was becoming something new.

So Runa leaned hard against her, opened her mouth wider and pressed her entire tongue inside her mouth. She felt eager to be changed into something beautiful. Tears pressed behind her eyelids. She heard Sofie moan weakly with a sharp shaky breath. Maybe it was the same for her in return? Happiness beamed around her desire, giving it substance. She let Sofie lean back over her, and she was pressed down with her on top of herself. Their tongues met deeper in a rapid circular movement. It made her spine shiver hard, she hugged her closer with her arms, heard Sofie moan softly. Her blonde hair fell around their heads like a waterfall. Their lips were so slippery with their saliva, their movements were smooth and effortless. Her groin gained a stronger heartbeat, and very gentle pleasure emitted from it. Seeing her so eager made her desire rise. She looked back at the fresh memories of Sofie below her on the floor. Hearing her intoxicating moans, feeling their bodies coming together despite being clothed. It had been the hottest thing she had ever experienced. She didn’t even know that was a thing they could do until today. She didn’t have to get naked in front of her, show off her bulky rough looking body. It had been somewhat distracting to be observed in such a state, even though she enjoyed looking at her so much. Maybe it would be easier in the dark? She had unwillingly produced noises so embarrassingly, even though Sofie’s sounds had been so intoxicating. Maybe it would help to listen to music? 

She moved her pelvis against her for just a little bit, felt Sofie do it back immediately. She opened her eyes and looked at her fair pink face, her pale lashes and tender expression. She was so clearly into this, her stomach fluttered by her beautiful expression. She moved herself forward and had them roll around, placing herself on top again. They released, Sofie’s mouth was slightly open as she panted gently. Spit had smeared around her reddened lips. They were both somewhat out of breath.

“I was thinking..” Said Runa, then she swallowed the excess spit in her mouth. Sofie nodded and listened a tad unfocused. Still the expression on her face was enough for the hum to rise in her groin. She grinned and blushed, looked down at her.
“Uhm..” How can she ask for something without knowing what to call it? Sofie stared at her tenderly, lifted both her tiny hands on each side of her head; started stroking her hair gently. She was so beautiful it made her nervous, her heart beat so hard in her chest. So she closed her eyes and sighed, it helped a little.
“Do you want to listen to music? And we can turn off the lights. Maybe it’ll be better then?” She asked and opened them again. Sofie grinned broadly with excitement.
“You mean, you want to do it again?” She asked, her cheeks grew bright red when Runa nodded nervously in her soft grip and said:
“I know it has been like three times already, it’s just that..”  She said, but halted and hesitated. Sofie lifted her hand forward and stroked her cheek, Runa couldn’t help but hold her hand and press it closer, kiss it while her chest ached in a loud sigh. 

Her entire life her skin had felt like barbed wire, repelling anyone from coming close even when she wanted them to. Against Sofie’s touch the wire evaporated, her skin became what it had always intended to be: her own. In its purest form she could sense this wonderful girl against herself, softening by her touch. The loneliness felt like an illusion she had only now discovered. How could she ever describe herself becoming so mellow and warm against her caresses? What words to portray looking back at herself in the past so unaware, waiting for her in the grand illusion? The longing in the night, alone on the road, walking past that school; never knowing she was inside it? Go inside, she already said to her past self. Go and find her, she’s right there! But she had been turned away, slumbering in sadness and self-hatred. Somehow now, everything was slowly changing. Like the shore finally started waving against the hardened rock of her skin and mind. By each wave the stone smoothened, and lessened in volume, changing her forever. Time and place tied them together with the golden thread, it thickened in the rope tethering her to this world. Now more than ever, she held onto it with all her might. It had all led up to this, to her. In just a few days the world had changed, by the touch of her hand she realized she was starving. She hadn’t let herself feel it until their first phonecall, here with her everything let loose. All that longing hurt her chest, now that it was finally being stroked against. She realized when they moved together like that, she smoothened the most. Being desired and feeling safe, connecting to her body while expressing her aching lust: it changed her, satiated her, truly made her anew. Something different flared within her, right around the obsidian usually spiking through, it glowed just like her hair had that day. Like the heat of summer, deep into her heart and spine she beamed with forceful euphoria. Vast and hurting as if burning her from the inside out. She craved for more, knew only one action quenched her. With her belting heart she starved still, famished by the drought of compassion she had endured for years.

So she teared up again, grinned against her soft little hand. Her slim fingers between hers and her lips were so soft, she felt her care seeping through her skin. She frowned and tightened her brows as sobs emerged quietly, sighed firmly with regret for not doing more when they first met. They had liked each other right away, and could've been together for months. It was difficult to imagine herself believing it, even if Sofie had been blunt about it from the get go. Even now it felt unreal, but there was no doubt left in her. The tragedy was she had been so close to her, but turned away just enough not to see the splendor that was her light. 

“When we’re together like that, I donno; I just feel like I’ve never been lonely or alone after all, I’ve just waited for you and didn’t know it.” She blurted out so pathetically against her hand, but Sofie grinned widely with pink cheeks. Her blue gaze stared back at her, she observed something new emerging in her expression. In awe and tenderness she was observed with intense focus. In her eyes the world became so beautiful, by her touch her awareness turned so blissful. The tone of her voice gave every sound a musical hum underneath it. Against her lips she had just ignited with wonder. In her gaze it all became intensely meaningful. Runa gasped as her mind flooded with feeling, she blushed and continued without thinking:
“You make me want to live so hard, just so I won’t miss another moment with you. Everything is so beautiful when you look at me, doing that with you makes up for it all somehow. I want you against me so much, it hurts." She monologued with her lips against her slim fingers, Sofie’s brows tightened in sadness. Her big blue eyes glared at her with sympathy. Runa paused and looked down, quiet shame filled her. That sounded so manipulative. She didn’t want to guilt trip her either.
“Shit sorry, I know that’s a bit much.” She hurried to say. She bowed her head and sighed, the words had fallen out her mouth in her desperation, why couldn’t she hold back? She was coming on too strong. So she teared up with embarrassment, backtracked:
“But even if you never want to see me again, I promise to keep on living. And I don’t want you to feel you have to do anything just because I’ve been like.. mistreated or whatever. Fuck I’m sorry, I’m just blabbering. Just forget I..” Sofie leaned closer to her, grinned and looked down at her mouth. Her pale cheeks pinked up more, it made Runa pause and stare. She felt her heart beat faster in her nervousness. Her spine shivered just once when Sofie opened her mouth to speak.
“It’s okay Runa. I feel it too.” She said softly. Her gaze lifted, and her pale lashes faced upwards. With her blue irises glimmering with incoming tears, she smiled widely with a tender gaze. Runa’s spine shivered stronger as her breath filled with warmth. She lifted her hand, stroked her soft pale cheek, grinned in surprise while her chest ached harder for her.
“Really? You sure?” She asked carefully, Sofie nodded and sighed still with pink cheeks, said:
“I’ve missed you so much while not knowing you at all, just being near you feels like a miracle.” She responded while looking down, still seeming shy about it. Though her sweet words were the true miracle. Sofie’s pale lashes lifted along with her tearful blue gaze, she continued with a wide smile and greater focus.
“I can finally see who you are now. You’re so safe and kind, so brave and strong. When we’re together like that I can finally let go of the fear, and just breathe. I never thought that would ever happen, you’re kinda magical.” She said tenderly, Runa teared up with her, the words struck her right in the chest. A spike not of pain but bright potent joy, it spread hot sulfur around her entire chest, melting it with bliss.

Had their desire and longing become transcendent for them both? Did they both truly get reshaped by the magma melting between them? She opened up a whole new register of feelings, of existing. The tension of being observed judgmentally by someone calmed, soothed something frightened and confrontational inside her. Feeling her even now, just by holding her hand against her face; calmed her within. She could really relax against her, and could assume to be observed with dignity and grace. Again it felt difficult to remember the pain, when the present shone so much brighter. If Sofie felt the same, then it meant so much more. Then their coupling became a way to soothe her, to tie them together in body and mind. What an overwhelming gift it was, to truly caress her inner being through her skin. It wasn’t some poetic serenade. It was for real. 

The relief overwhelmed her, making pressure increase behind her eyes. A tear dripped from her lashes, Sofie smiled and sighed, whispered to her as the tips of their noses met:
“I want you so much.” Her gaze changed again, it looked a lot like tenderness, but had a focus to it that made her spine shiver. Her entire body soared, and her mind swooned by the mere notion, of all the wonderful feelings she could give right back to her. An exchange of warmth and softness.
“I want you too, more than anything.” She whimpered as her tears emerged in full, she opened her eyes and stared down at Sofie’s pink face. She gasped quietly, seemingly with both sorrow and joy. Her blue gaze was still so mesmerizing.
“Oh Runa, you have no idea how much I have longed for you to say that.” She whispered with anticipation and desperation. The tone of her voice was sprinkled with a low tone of desire, hearing it again made her entire chest expand with warmth. The hairs stood on her forearms once more.
“I think I have some idea.” She whispered back to her and leaned down, murmured against her gentle pout:
“Beautiful.” She observed Sofie’s eyes barring open for just a moment, while her cheeks turned from pink to light red. Runa’s entire torso shivered with heat, she chuckled in a whisper and kissed her hard on her wet lips. Their tongues met firmly as they gasped into each other’s mouths. Sofie’s hands pressed against her neck, she sighed with loud steep breaths. Their arms grasped intensely and desperately around one another, while their deep kiss ensued. It felt like her affection fell out of her as it deepened, made her chest ache with bliss. Time narrowed amidst their sighs and caresses, before Runa remembered her suggestion at the very beginning. 

She released, the tips of their noses touched, a tear ran from Sofie’s eye, Runa grinned and sniffled, stroked it away with her finger. Sofie leaned against her hand and sighed hard, the look in her bright blue eyes were so tender, it shivered up her spine again.
“Let me put something on.” She hurriedly said with trembling hands.

Then she quickly got up, walked over to her CD player and pressed down its hood so it’d open, checked if Industrial silence still was inside, and indeed it was. She pushed the lid down and started the player, quickly pressed the play button. That very specific sound of the CD spinning emitted from it, then her favorite track; Vocal started. She quickly turned around to see the reaction on Sofie’s face. She had sat herself up on the bed, closed her eyes and faced upwards, listened for a few seconds. Then she opened her eyes again and looked at her.
“Wow.” She mouthed. Runa grinned back at her, wanted this song specifically. To make it forever associated with her, with what was about to happen.
“Right!?” She yelled back as she smiled and nodded. Then she ran over to the lightswitch and turned it off, darkness fell around her.

Her entire body shook with excitement. She pulled off her tanktop, figured that’d be okay. And dragged off her pants and stepped out of it. Walked over to the bed in the darkness, sat down and pulled off her socks. She felt Sofie’s hand stroke her back, her stomach fluttered hard. She turned around without seeing anything, felt Sofie’s hand attempting to pull her closer. So she leaned in and started crawling towards her. Felt Sofie’s bare legs meet her knees, she lifted her hand and felt her neck and bare upper chest along with her bra. She grinned and stroked it gently, felt Sofie’s nose brush against her cheek. Her spine shivered with heat, and her stomach shook in the anticipation. With cheeks prickling hot like static, she fumbled slowly in the dark. 

They found each other’s lips and pressed them together intensely. Gripping each other’s shoulders blindly, Runa moved down over her, and felt the skin of her tummy meet her own. Everything about her was so warm and soft. Her spine glowed firmly as it shook, heat spread fast around her entire torso, expanded in her gentle but heavy breaths. She pecked around her mouth and cheeks for a bit, felt Sofie smile while barely hearing her giggle against her face. Her slim hands moved up and down her back, stroked it firmly. Her groin got a heartbeat so steady, the hum of pleasure increased. Gently a fog fell around her mind, while her groin flickered so gently as it awoke from slumber. She was getting so worked up, surprised by the amount of desire she was feeling. Knowing what was about to happen was enough. 

She pressed their wet lips together again, opened her mouth and stuck her tongue in. They quickly made those deeply intense circular movements again. Her groin emitted harder pleasure, she moaned gently. Couldn’t even hear herself, the notion set her free. She began to move against her, they turned to the side. Her legs were so soft against her own, her heart beat so hard in her chest. Brighter bolts shot up her spine, and gave her entire upper body so much joy and tenderness. It was like she was swooning. On their sides they pressed each other closer, Sofie’s upper thigh was between her legs and pressed at her groin. She felt her do the same against her own. Runa moaned in her mouth, their kiss was ongoing. The deepness and softness of it was sensory heaven. She started to feel a weak tingling sensation around her lips and tongue. It made her moan again, she pressed herself harder against her thigh. Their torsos moved back and forth in sync, it was like an instinct took over. She had felt it earlier on the livingroom floor, but now it came back tenfold. 

Her mind began to lose focus, the pleasure rose and made a cloud so dense and heavy around her head. She moaned harder inside her mouth, when she did, the song stopped and her voice turned so bare. She heard Sofie moan back, the sound of it made her spine shake and shiver hard with strong lightning. Before the next song came on, Sofie released and murmured:
“Oh my god.” Runa’s insides mushed and blended together in bliss. The next song played loudly. She pushed her face close again and stuck her tongue inside. They turned around, Runa was on top. Her control over herself she had attempted to hold on to, faded. She moved so hard against her, while arching her back up and down, she felt herself starting to sweat. Sofie’s hand stroked hard against the small of her back, she could feel her chest raising and falling against hers. The other gripped around her shoulders and held her tightly. The fabrics of their bras rubbed together, Runa felt brave enough to move her hand up and rub one of her covered breasts desperately. The feel of her stiff nipple underneath her padless bra was thrilling. 

She released from her lips, moved her head back. The pleasure began to rise more than she thought possible. Opening up to how much she longed for her made her chest ache as much as it hurt. It gave meaning to every touch, felt all encompassing in this moment. In mind, body and soul. It shook her down to her core, never before had her being buzzed so vividly with arousal. The pleasure rose like a hum rising in tone. She felt her groin flicker with sharper tingling. 

Sofie moved her face to her hand, pressed it against her cheek and started kissing it, softly poking her tongue out and licked her fingers. The feel of it in this burning desire made it rise harder. She lifted her hand, and put her thumb inside her mouth. Feeling Sofie’s breath against it, the intensity of it made her spine shiver. She felt her wet tongue move beneath her thumb, it was so soft and slippery. Slowly she pressed it in deeper and started moving it around, the sensation of the firmness of her mouth had her pelvis vibrate. Her soft tongue and the edges of her lips made her groin hum harder with tingling pleasure. Two songs had passed, the music faded. She could hear Sofie’s muffled moans, it made her pleasure rise enough for her thigh muscles to tighten. She moaned in her shaky breath.

The pleasure rose, and just before the next song started on full volume, she let out a moan of higher pitch, the pleasure burst into an orgasm. Quickly the next song played, her entire pelvis streamed in soft tingling, she looked up, pressed her thumb deeper inside her mouth. Stirred it slowly as if she was touching inside something else. She felt Sofie shake beneath her, must be having one too. The notion made her mind fade completely and the orgasm intensified. The point in her groin that was her clitoris beamed with hot vibrating pleasure against Sofie’s thigh. She was even more surprised by the potency of it now. Her spine glowed along with it, she bent down and removed her thumb. Pushed her tongue into her warm open mouth instead. She moved her torso harder against her leg, tried to extend that wonderful feeling with all her might. But it started fading. Sofie pushed her off, and moved on top of her. 

She had faded in the dark, but came to while panting beneath her. Sofie sat up for a moment, Runa breathed exhaustively, felt the ache of her thighs in the aftermath. That had been the most arousing thing she had ever felt. She grinned and gasped happily, processing what had just happened. It couldn’t possibly get better than that? 

But then Sofie bent down again and pressed her bare breasts against her skin, Runa quickly moved up her sports bra and had them meet in all their tender glory. The softness of it was yet another sensory heaven. She felt how sweaty they were, the stiffness of her nipples against her own. It was even more intoxicating, made her want more. Luckily Sofie seemed to have the same idea, Because she started to move against her. 

Now on top and in charge she pressed their faces together and opened her mouth. Their tongues met so wonderfully, despite their breaths being so tired and heavy, they were still eager. Sofie moved her hand carefully up the side of her hip, her entire body shivered hard by the light touch. Then she pressed her fingers against one of her breasts. Runa released, nodded amidst the music and groaned intentionally loudly:
“Mmmm!” While she put her hand up to Sofie’s, held it there firmly for a few seconds. Sofie grabbed her nipple with her fingertips and pulled it, a different kind of pleasure emitted from it. Runa gasped and groaned happily against her lips. It was warm and wonderful, and made her spine shiver, while her groin beamed brightly with pleasure again. She moaned in their kiss, opened her eyes in the darkness and smiled. Shit this felt good, she felt herself falling so hard for her. Inside all that arousal, around her belting heart everything softened. 

So she grabbed Sofie at the neck and held some of her hair carefully. Sofie started moving against her harder, the song faded. She heard Sofie moan weakly in heavy shivering breaths. Runa’s other hand moved down to the small of her back, she felt the movements of her torso right there on her damp skin. Quickly she groaned back to her, then the next song started. 

Sofie moved and heaved against her with her entire body, pulled at her nipple repeatedly in a grip firmly on her breast. Her other little hand pressed against her cheek and stroked it. But then she let go of it, moved her slim hand slowly down the side of Runa’s warm body, and pressed against her thigh. Then she lifted her leg up by the underside of her knee. Runa felt her groin pulse with tingling pleasure, and her spine radiated continuously with the hum signaling her arousal, being held like that made it increase. 

Sofie shifted a bit to the side, had their breasts meet at an angle, pressed Runa’s knee against herself. Her long hair tickled at her shoulder and upper arm. She started moving even harder against her, pulled hard at her nipple. Runa opened her mouth wide, let go of her lips and moaned properly. She felt the pleasure rise to another orgasm again. Became shocked when she remembered in this faded bliss; that there was far less friction against her own groin this time, her orgasm was erupting just by the touch of her leg, tongue and nipple. She didn’t know that was possible either. Felt Sofie begin to shake on top of her, so she pressed harder against her wet back, mingling their tongues together. Sofie’s mouth opened around them, and she could feel the vibration of her moan against it. There was a dip in the song, and she heard it all for just a second. The pitch was high and intoxicating, made her clitoris glow and her back and thighs to tightened along with her.
“Holy shit.” She mumbled inside her mouth as she felt it. They shook against one another, and experienced this together. She held around her the best she could, Sofie pressed her knee closer to herself. pinched her nipple hard, it felt so good she faded in the darkness. Groaned and moaned in hard gasps, the pleasure shone vividly in her groin. Sofie’s wet tongue massaged inside her heaving mouth, prickling when the tingling in her groin started fading.

Sofie collapsed on top of her. Their arms relaxed around them. Runa was even more out of breath now, and was completely soaked. Between them and all over her skin the moisture was high. She felt the inside of her vagina contract weakly, it only lasted for a few seconds before it faded. Her groin hummed weakly with the rest of her orgasm when it did. 

The song ended, she pushed Sofie aside and got up quickly, ran to the CD player, pressed pause to the best of her ability while feeling a bit dizzy. Then she ran back to bed and fell on top of her, who in her breathlessness jumped and screamed.
“Oh god!” She yelled, then she started laughing. It was so delightful and happy, rolling and somehow still so soft. Had Runa blush just a little bit more, though her cheeks had buzzed this entire time. She too started giggling along with her. Exhaustively she laid down on top of her, still their chests were bare, and she felt Sofie stroke her back gently with her fingertips. She started scratching her arm in return with her fingernails. Their breaths began to calm down, Runa closed her eyes in this exhausted bliss and groaned with relaxation. She felt Sofie grin next to her ear.
“That was the best thing I’ve ever..” She said and swallowed, her breath shook, as if she was about to cry.
“Me too.” Runa replied in a soft whisper. She felt Sofie’s other hand press against her neck, stroking the hair in the back of her head. It too felt wonderful and made her relax even more. She felt a warm sinking tenderness in her chest and stomach. Her spine had calmed and emitted soft warmth like that of a sunken flame. Her cheeks still prickled and her breath still shook. They laid like that for a while, stroking each other while cooling down. 

After a while they had pulled down their bras again, huddled under the covers and turned on the light on the bedside table. Sofie’s hair had been cute and messy, even more so than when they awoke from their nap. Her cheeks still blushed in pink, but she was calm and her gaze was warm and tender. Runa laid on top of her still, they faced each other. Runa stroked her long beautiful hair while she stared into her blue eyes surrounded by her soft pale lashes. The look of her made her stomach flutter hard, there was a soothing calmness within her, stronger than she had ever felt before. It must be some kind of hormonal high, she grinned.
“Is this the chemical bonding you were gonna tell me all about?” She asked, Sofie opened her mouth and laughed with glee, it made heat rise in her cheeks and chest. She bit her lower lip and observed her, pressed her closer.
“Yes, probably.” Sofie replied, and started stroking their legs together. They were clean shaven and smooth, Runa’s were not. She had the tips of their noses meet, and rubbed them gently together. Finally, for the first time in her life, she felt completely and utterly happy. Not once had she felt insecure about her body, nor had she wondered if Sofie liked her or not. It was solidified, the hole in her chest completely filled up. A calmness far beyond the chemical high of their bonding soared in her. Finally her mind rested with the notion that this was her new reality. Though still surprising, she accepted it wholeheartedly. Sofie’s expression while looking at her was calm and so very tender. Their bodies met beneath the duvet, made her skin and flesh melt against her in sweat. For a few moments she became hyper aware, and knew she would never forget this moment, this feeling. When the high faded she felt; the notion of it would still remain. It had to.

Now everything all those horrible people said to her on a daily basis, was unequivocally false. The tenderness pushed against her memories, lessened the pain somehow. The mere presence of Sofie’s affection remade her, turned her into someone desirable. In her sweet embrace she became someone deserving of happiness, and even; of love. She cried quietly against her cheek, Sofie stroked her neck and kissed her face. The idea of it changed the heaviness within her, and made her lighter. A wave of relief struck her, finally the idea lifted all the way inside. I’m lovable? The notion challenged the foulness of her soul, the obsidian deep in her bones. That terrible bile smeared inside her chest. Like Sofie looked inside, and still wanted her. 

Even if it’d be hard to be without her during the day. She’d have something specific and good to hold onto. It laid itself as a protective membrane between all their horrible words and actions, and her own mind. Inside she felt so dense with bliss, she grinned and kissed her back. In this moment she knew she was allowed to exist without judgment, observed as a thinking and feeling being with care. With a secure feeling deep in her chest, she soared amidst the friction of their lips, and the mellow feel of her soft skin. Sofie helped her relax against the veil, for her tension to mellow. In her arms, she was finally free to just be.

*

After drying off again alone in the bathroom, Runa had taken her hand and smiled so sweetly at her. Pulled her across the narrow hallway with a striped long carpet beneath their feet. All in different colors. She opened the wooden door to the room closest to the staircase. Showed her in first, into a room about the same size as Runa’s bedroom. But it felt totally different. The walls in the guestroom were yellow, one entire wall was filled from floor to ceiling with a wooden bookshelf. Filled with CDs, LP’s and books, comics, DVD’s, VHS’s and boardgames, all placed tightly together. In the corner at the end was a wooden desk with a white bulky computer and a thick screen, with a keyboard and mouse to match. Beside it stood an old looking chest of drawers with a black TV, a DVD and VHS player combo had been placed on top. A narrow bed sat parallel to the TV, with cushions against the wall like the back of a couch; and a colorful patchwork blanket over the covers underneath.
“Oh wow, this is so nice.” Said Sofie as she stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. Runa stroked her lower back carefully over her tanktop, the action had her spine shiver where she stood.
“Isn’t it?” She asked back rhetorically, though Sofie nodded and turned her head, looked back at her with hot cheeks and grinned.
“You really weren’t over exaggerating, this place really is filled to the brim.” Sofie added still with a chest so warm with happiness. Runa grinned with tired gentle eyes, still the pains of today lingered in her gaze. But it was slowly fading, by now they had been around each other for hours. Basking in each other’s presence, she hoped it helped.
“You can read anything you want.” Runa said with such tenderness, she felt her cheeks prickle like static.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually read right now.” She responded and chuckled, Runa leaned her head back and frowned playfully.
“Oh, why not?” She asked, Sofie sighed and turned her body around, lifted her hand and stroked her cheek.
“‘Cause you’re here, silly.” She said back joyfully, Runa closed her eyes and laughed vividly. Her beautiful white smile opened to her. Sofie gripped both her cheeks and bit her lower lip, before she added a bit louder:
“Oooh yes, I don’t think I can look away, much less concentrate enough to read.” Runa calmed down in her grip, nodded and barred her eyes open playfully.
“Right of course!” She commented enthusiastically. Sofie leaned in on her adorable face, and pecked her while she still chuckled.
“You’re quite distracting, you know?” She commented rhetorically against her lips. Runa pecked her a few times after, before sighing and smiling. Her eyes softened in the calmness and the silence.
“Do you think you’ll be able to watch a movie?” She finally asked rather smugly, Sofie let go of her cheeks and nodded, looked down with hot cheeks.
“Sure, what kind of movies do you have?” She asked and gripped her hand, Runa led her closer to the bookshelf.
“All the animated ones, for starters.” She answered quickly, they stopped in front of it. Sofie looked down, most of the DVD’s and VHS’s were on the bottom half of the wide tall bookshelf, covering the wall all the way to the door. As she stood and looked over a few Pixar movies, all the Dreamworks and Disney movies, she felt Runa press softly against her back. Gently she moved her hair over her left shoulder to the side, and stroked her neck with her soft face. Before moving her hands over her lower stomach from behind, and stroked the skin of her belly beneath her tanktop. The action made her spine shiver with heat, and her cheeks prickle like static. Still her insides were warm and soft in the wake of their pleasure spree, she smiled happily and leaned her head back, closed her eyes and pressed one hand over Runa’s. The other she rose up to her left cheek opposite to herself, and stroked her warm face tenderly. Softly like the tickling of a feather her lips kissed the side of her neck, she sighed deeply as bliss rose.
“Mmmm.” She groaned in a whisper, Runa started stroking her nose against her and said:
“You’re quite distracting too.” Her voice was low and tender, though a hint of unseriousness was still there. Sofie opened her eyes and looked down at the VHS’s again, saw the spine of the case for Sleeping Beauty. Beautiful imagery, wonderful songs, a black dragon rising from green clouds and yellow fire. with a green mouth and tongue. She first turned her head and kissed Runa on the side of her forehead, before she let go and bent down.
“How about Sleeping Beauty?” She hurriedly asked, couldn’t wait to lay down with her on that small bed.
“Yeah sure.” Runa answered quickly, Sofie grabbed it and pulled it out from in between Snow white, and Pinocchio, before straightening her back again. She held it in front of herself and looked at the cover, felt Runa’s hand stroke her back again. A purple shaded gray stone wall surrounded the background, having the green pale sorceress with a black horned hat and drapes standing in a window opening up to the blue sky, and a castle in the distance. Further back was the dragon from her memory, along with a knight holding a long shield with a cross on it, riding a white steed. In front of the window, she laid. With long flowing blonde hair in a baby blue dress, the sleeping beauty herself.

They walked together over to the TV, she opened the case and Runa gripped the black and thick case of the actual VHS tape out of its outer case of plastic. In two places were holes framed in white, within she knew, long flat bonds of film would spin inside the VHS player. Showing moving images on the TV, this time of animation. What wonder of boundless creativity, of moving images so beautiful, turning something static into life. In voices and movements, with songs and plot. Runa pressed it onto the biggest opening of the player, being made for both skinny DVD discs, and these thick VHS tapes. The player made a very specific clicking-like sound, like a robot turning on. Quickly Runa grabbed a black bulky remote placed beside the TV on the chest of drawers, and pressed the red button, turned the TV on. A grainy black image appeared, before it stabilized somewhat, and the grains lessened. Within a bright blue background, heavenly strings sounding more like a choir started, and a white spark near the top fell down to reveal a white minimalistic image of a castle. The music continued falling in deeper tones, as a small spark traveled over the castle in a round half circle, much like a rainbow. Below it all letters were, spelling out: Disney, with a curled ‘y’ making it look more like a ‘g’. Then the music reached its height, silence befell them and softly the screen turned into black.

When the title sequence started, depicting text on a green intricate wallpaper, they both moved back. Sofie sat down first, closest to the corner of the room. The music started, with classical instruments and male opera singers singing. In such a warm nostalgic melody, familiar and warm just like she remembered it.
Runa leaned against her shoulder beside her, with tired eyes she sighed and smiled gently. She was still tired of course, watching something together should be relaxing for her, Sofie decided. So she lifted her naked arm over her shoulder and moved her feet back, stretched them out behind her and laid down, pressed Runa onto her chest. Quickly female voices sang along so beautifully. The title cards changed, between red, dark blue and green.
Still covered with her tanktop she assumed, her upper breasts and cleavage would probably be soft. A feeling struck her, made her belly flutter with glee. Somehow even her breasts changed, not just to an instrument of pleasure, but also, of comfort.
After the choir finished, the music turned playful with flutes in alternating rhythms. Runa pressed her cheek against her breast and relaxed above her. Sofie felt her chest turn mellow beneath her head. She found her naked upper arm and started stroking it with her fingertips. Now her own body and caresses were something soothing for such a sad beautiful girl. Runa sighed above her, slowly the music changed from playful to serine, with strings dragging the tones while the title cards went on and on. Sofie lifted her other arm and found Runa’s cheek with her hand, stroked it gently. Runa kissed her fingers tenderly a few times, before resting easy on top of her. 

A book appeared on the screen, placed on a green wooden bookrest it was golden and studded with precious jewels. Glimmering in splendor as it slowly opened to reveal beautifully illustrated pages. With archaic looking text on it, a male voice read out loud what it said. Below the single paragraph was imagery of a village and trees. The next page to the right was filled with one serine tall castle on a steep mountain. The next page was turned, showing off medieval fancy outfits on people, of palace courts and the king and queen holding and leaning over a babe rolled in cloth. Sofie kissed her forehead and hugged her closer with her arms. The deep voice spoke further.
“A daughter was born, and they named her: beautiful Aurora.” Heavenly women's voices sang after, repeating the last few words.
“Beautiful Aurora.” Sofie hummed along with the melody, slowly it was all coming back to her. After another page it zoomed in on a drawing of the castle and village. A new song along with vividly colorful moving imagery changed the tone, cavalry with banners, parading cobbled streets praising the infant princess. Already the artistry was evident, Sofie grinned and watched with focus. Runa rubbed her cheek carefully against her upper left breast. She felt calmer than she had in months. Finally that starvation for her had been satiated, her longing lulled by her presence no matter their actions. As more images of horses and knights, banners and fancy dressed people appeared, she blushed and moved her hand from Runa’s arm up to her neck. Caressed her soft little curls instead, while hearing the choir from the film wish good health to Aurora, hailing the king and queen. She bit her lower lip watching the beautiful moving pictures, felt her spine tremble and her stomach flutter. Though feeling calm, it was hard not to be thrilled when being this close to her.

-

After the evil witch cursed the baby, and the three little fairies took her to the woods to live in a cottage, it didn’t take long for her favorite part to draw nearer. A slim and graceful young woman exited the quint home and strolled through the woods, singing opera quite well in raising and falling tones. Runa lifted her head from her cleavage and whispered in her ear.
“She kinda reminds me of you.” She said so sweetly, her words sent a gentle shiver up her spine. She giggled and turned towards her, Runa now leaning over her, faced her up close.
“Really? I don’t see it.” She responded a bit louder, but just as softly. Runa grinned with her teeth and shifted her gaze towards the TV.
“Oh come on now. A beautiful girl with wavy golden hair? You really can’t see it?” Runa asked warmly, she felt herself blushing hotter and turned her head. Watched Aurora dance in the woods with long slim legs and arms, in a white shirt and a light brown skirt, talking to the animals. Singing while strolling elegantly. Her hair and skirt swayed smoothly as she strutted playfully.
“No, our faces are totally different. And my hair isn’t that golden.” Sofie commented bluntly, Runa moved her left hand resting over her belly up to her bangs. Before stroking it to the side, and continuing further down, while pulling her fingers through her hair. Her brown vivid eyes softened to a tender expression, and she smiled weakly while looking down at it for a few seconds, before gazing back into her eyes again.
“It sure was the first time I saw you, it glowed in a color just like that.” She said in tones teaming with heartfelt tenderness. That shiver returned to her spine, this time hot and burning. With her stomach it fluttered like static, along with her cheeks that heated up so much. Inside her chest warmth spread and made her sigh, her heart beat faster within it. Then a sadness shimmered in her eyes and she narrowed her thin black brows. Folded her dark smooth skin between them.
“I cried once, not too long ago. ‘Cause I was forgetting you, and I didn’t want to.” She said in a more sullen tone, though the softness remained. Sofie rose her hand up to her cheek and stroked it, Runa lowered her gaze and turned towards it. Sighed against her palm. That piercing ache burst gently in her chest, of missing her and yearning for her. She had actually felt it too? Even before they met again.
“Oh Runa.” She whispered, Runa still looked down when she continued speaking:
“I wanted to keep you right there, in front of me. Even when you were fading, I still remembered you so clearly: With your eyes blue like the sky, and your hair so golden in the sun.” She added bittersweetly, finally met her eyes again with a sullen expression. But she started grinning widely, showing off her white slightly softly edged teeth. Her lips folded and thickened over them, Sofie grinned back to her and blushed. Felt that heat rise in her chest, along with her pulse. Every word she spoke made her chest cave in with bliss, softening deep against her soul.
“At the bus stop I was so happy to see you again, just so I could finally remember every detail of your face.” Runa continued so wonderfully with a deeply calm and happy tone. Her sweet words lulled the ache right out her chest up through her throat.
“You’re so damn beautiful, then and now. I’m so lucky to have even another moment with you.” She continued in a deep and tender tone, her brown eyes glossed up with tears. She smiled more carefully down at her, still with a tender gaze. The hairs stood on Sofie’s arms.
She drew a trembling breath, it released from deep within. Just where her belting heart beat like a drum, her heart belted with light and longing. She didn’t know her own beauty could be so precious to anyone. Not in a way that made her out to be anything she wasn’t, nor gawking at her in a way that felt disgusting. But of something innate, like that of a deeply beautiful experience. How the memory of it brought comfort and joy, like a precious story inside a golden bejeweled book. A moment encaptured in the rivers of time, to be enjoyed forever more.

Her eyes watered with incoming tears, she felt her lower lip tremble.
“God Runa, do you want me to fall for you? Because I will.” She responded, still flabbergasted by her sweet words, if it was a serenade it worked. If only a heartfelt speech, it’d keep her here forever. Runa chuckled and sniffled, leaned down while moving her hand from her hair to her cheek again. Sofie lifted both hands and stroked her cheeks, she shook her head against her fingers and palms.
“I wasn’t trying to make you fall for me, I just.. wanted you to know is all.” She commented so innocently, as if the reaction to her heavenly words were unintentional. Didn’t she know, just how smooth she was being?
“Well I want you to know, Runa..” Sofie said back to her, Runa gazed down and smiled, seemed gleeful in her expectation. Sofie continued still with heat in her chest:
“That we have this moment together, and many more ahead. I already know that I want you.” Runa opened her eyes wide and stared down at her, grinned with warm eyes. She must have needed a second to take in what she said, what she implied. As she did, Aurora from the movie started singing so beautifully, wonderful classical music accompanied her as she did:
“I know you and I were together in a dream. I know you’re beautiful and your voice is breathtakingly tender.” The strings dragged along with raising melodies more happy than melancholy. Runa leaned down against her lips, as she blinked a tear dripped from her eye onto her own cheek. She moved her thumb to her eye and dried beneath it, their lips met tenderly. Its careful friction coaxed bright beaming heat through her spine. Stringing her heart along like that of a violin.
“But a dream rarely includes the streams of time. So if you’re the one, that I recognize again?” That opera-like voice sang further while their lips pressed harder. Her chest exploded properly, burst her heart as it beat fast, shivered her entire torso all the way down to the core. Inside the depth of her, she melted and softened again. Densely her affection was set on fire, the mood along with the song ignited her. Runa’s sweet words bound them together, though she didn’t dare say it outright, she knew she was hers. With every fibre of her flesh and bones, by every breath and beat of her heart, her mind screamed at her as their lips opened: I’m already yours! The song continued:
“Then you’ll love me, just like I love you, within a dream.” Then a male voice of the same caliber joined Aurora, complimented her perfectly for just a few seconds, before taking over the song. They started talking, Runa covered her with her soft lips, stroked her with hands while their tongues met vigorously. Sofie turned on her side and sank into her arms, they slid down together onto the bed. While they gasped and pressed with delightful friction, melting lips with spit and passion. She gripped Runa’s neck and curls, moved her knee up to embrace her with her entire leg. In aching and bliss she bent her head over her with closed eyes, as a gentle heartbeat rose in her groin she attempted to let that ache out. All so Runa could feel it, feel that need to grip her inside and hug her close, to know of that scorching heat swallowing her mind and chest in exploding light. Indeed every moment was precious, knowing Runa felt it too made her completely euphoric. Still the hairs on her arms remained raised, consistently her spine shot with the lightning of her passion. Already her groin was dripping, but she paid it little mind for now. Runa held around her with both her arms, stroked her back up to her neck and gripped her hair. Sofie opened her eyes to look down at her. To see the curve of her brow, her bittersweet expression and tears running down the sides of her face. Much like on that bathroom floor, or when Runa had confessed it all to her after dinner: She felt it. How every movement of their hands and lips, tongues and legs were possessed with yearning, with bliss like a light in the dark. For so long had poor Runa been surrounded with darkness, between them the light ignited. Seeing it on her face was a treat, tasting it on her tongue was savory. Bright wonderful strings from the song deepening in density and emotion, giving splendor to their passion. 

Eventually they managed to calm down enough to watch the movie. Though the fire had re-lit within her, and she already wanted more. She had turned around in front of Runa and faced the TV, they watched on while stroking and kissing gently. Runa’s hands had caressed her shoulder, arm, stomach and hip. Keeping the momentum going. Relaxing with her was easy, her presence was thrilling and soothing all at once. The movie felt like an awakened memory, while Runa herself was new and refreshing. A contrast she figured out, she quite liked.

-

By the end of the movie they had huddled together in the darkness of her bedroom again. Moving together while kissing now with music at a lesser volume. It felt different this time, like their passion had gained even more meaning. After, they held one another with the light on in silence. It was almost time to leave.

Sofie was on top. This time they had dared to have their bras remaining above their breasts under the covers. The sensation of them pressing together, and feeling more of her warm soft skin; had been too good to pass over. They kissed softly, their intense passion had sunken within her, and lingered calmly in her torso. Despite all the sorrow, today had finally fulfilled an intense need lingering in her entire body. She felt more relaxed and happy then she knew she was capable of. Though her face was warm, and her spine shivered still, she mellowed out in her embrace. Their gentle kiss was still spine tingling. She grinned with such glee against her lips.

They released, Sofie looked down at her dark beautiful face. Her big brown eyes looked up at her with a tenderness so deep; it made her stomach flutter. Still her sweet words from throughout the day lingered in her mind. Had her chest hurt in aching bliss. And soon enough, she’d have to be without her for the night. To be alone now, after knowing her touch would be intolerable. Despite being happy in the moment, it felt bittersweet. She could see the sadness emerging in Runa’s eyes as well. She lifted her big hand and pressed it against her own cheek. It was so broad and soft, so warm and comforting. She stroked her nose and lips against it, closed her eyes. The ache lingered, started hurting in gentle waves.
“I will see you again tomorrow, after gymnastics.” She said to calm their longing.
“You know when that is?” Runa asked amused. Sofie nodded and blushed, grinned and said:
“I might have… spied on you a few times exiting the gymnasium, from inside the doors.” She looked away, felt so embarrassed. Runa lifted her head back and laughed with a wide open mouth. The sight of her teeth and cheeks gathering on each side of her face; made her spine glow with gentle warmth.
“You liked me that much, huh?” She teased after, and tickled Sofie gently in the ribs under the covers. She wiggled and laughed, moved her head down closer to her face and shut her eyes. Runa didn’t tickle her for long, and when Sofie opened her eyes she caught the tenderness in her gaze again. She lifted her big hand from her ribs, and instead started to stroke her naked back gently. Sofie grinned, it felt so good to be caressed like this. Every touch was so gentle and safe, she relaxed atop her and leaned down against her face. They kissed gently with closed mouths, her spine tingled, and her stomach fluttered harder. They released, seeing the longing in her brown beautiful eyes gave her aches fuel. So instead of staring at them, she moved her head to the side. 

Against her strong neck she pressed her cheek and sighed deeply. The softness of her skin was wide in the expansion of her chest, as they breathed in and out. Her spine trembled and she grinned. Runa’s big arms embraced around her back, their legs pressed harder together. They were so soft and warm, everything about their bodies touching made her insides mush and melt. She stared to the side and smiled, it dawned on her how big and strong her feelings had been. All day with her she had been so angry, so sad and so deeply happy. She tightened her brows, observed inwards with clarity comparing herself to just days ago. Of course while they had talked and texted her crush had risen in intensity, but something was changing. She felt it on the tip of her tongue, right between her fingertips. In panic she had finally seen her today, that feeling of losing her opened her right up again, just like the first time they met. She widened her eyes and turned around, pressed her face against Runa’s neck again, and closed her eyes. She groaned hard beneath her soft strokes, lifted her hand to her shoulder and caressed it. Tears gathered behind her eyelids, ache swelled firmly in her heart. She knew her emotions had been dulled these past few months, but now she truly realized how numb she had been. In her arms, against her lips even when she was crying, something had lifted. 

She grinned to herself, moved her hand from her shoulder and stroked her neck. Felt her soft curls and skin in her wide hand movements. Runa kissed her on the side of her forehead, she groaned again in gentle bliss. Oh my god, it was because of her. In her arms it finally happened, no matter her mood, beside her she herself was free from it all. In her embrace she awoke as a complete and feeling being. Leaving her felt unnatural. Would she fall into that place of numbness when she did? She didn’t want to find out, but knew she had to.

She tightened her brows in worry, rubbed her face hard against her soft skin and groaned.
“I want to stay here and fall asleep in your arms.” She said softly, Runa pressed her face against her neck in return.
“Me too. I’m often afraid to, ‘cause of the nightmares. But I felt none of that with you, it was such a relief.” She responded somewhat sullenly, Sofie moved her head back and faced her. Runa’s gaze had grown sadder. Her round eyes expressed exactly what she felt, and her face relaxed into such a sullen expression. She was observed with focus, somehow that comforted her. Knowing she meant something to her already.
“That sounds so tiresome.” She responded gently, Runa nodded beneath her and looked to the side. The silence was pending, her mind raced with ways to stay. Hiding in this room, turning off her cellphone and refusing to answer the door. Falling asleep together while gripping her to never let go.
“I can ask my mom if I can sleep over soon?” She asked softly as a reply, Runa seemed to notice the time, stared at the clock by the bedside lamp.
“We better get dressed, it’s almost ten.” She said in a sad tone, before lifting her head back to face her. Her slim nose sighed hard in and out, with her cute lips frowning, but even that was adorable. Her brown eyes grew completely sorrowful, a light pressure emerged behind her own eyes. She pressed both of her hands on each of her cheeks, and squeezed her face hard. Runa smiled just a bit, Sofie leaned down and kissed her firmly on her soft slim lips. And for about ten seconds they kissed each other slowly and deeply, savoring every moment together. In the friction her lips and tongue prickled, among wetness and warmth she hurried with her caresses. Stroking her neck and shoulders widely with her hands, feeling her wide soft hands rubbing up and down her trembling back. As expected her stomach had fluttered, her spine had shivered so hot. A sharp terrible ache still rattled in her spine and bellowed deep into her chest. Making her body wanting to cling so desperately to her, to the softness and safety so unprecedented. To that bright bliss swallowing her whole, and those trilling sensations pulling her close with threads set aflame.

She released, looked down at her slowly opening her tender brown eyes again. Though her gaze shimmered with tearful somberness, wonder shone through it all. Sofie sighed hard and fast gazing at her, braced to move away. The few moments of silence passed quickly, she moved her own bra down over her breasts again, Runa did the same. Sofie caught a glimpse of her small dark nipples, it had made her blush while fumbling above her. 

They got dressed in silence, per Runa’s careful request their backs had been turned towards one another. It had been difficult not to sneak a peek, but she had managed to resist with all her might. She knew how unwanted stares could strike lightning of terror within her, if that was what Runa tried to avoid, she wanted to respect it.

Then Runa lifted her backpack over her shoulder. They grabbed each other by the hand and walked down the stairs. The house was dark and mostly quiet, except a TV and a lamp being on in the livingroom. Runa showed her to the tiny hallway, opened the door leading outside. Poked her head out to see if Sofie’s ride had arrived, she closed the door and shook her head. Sofie smiled and sighed with relief, they got to have a few more moments together. So they leaned against one another, and sank into countless jackets hung on the wall. Sofie’s entire upper body glowed with heat. Her spine and stomach quivered, she felt her face burn hot. Dense ache burst in her chest, tears erupted in her eyes. Her lips and tongue emitted that new wonderful prickly pleasure again, she gasped gently in their deep rapidly moving kiss. Runa groaned back, kissed her harder. They made each moment count, but so quickly it too passed. She heard a car drive into the driveway and park, knew this was goodbye, for now.

Sofie had pecked her hard a few more times, before she was able to release from her sweet embrace. She stepped into her shoes and grabbed her jacket and backpack. Luckily she wore that big black hooded jacket, it was warm enough to keep her from freezing outside. Runa pecked her one last time with sad eyes. Sofie stroked her cheek and whispered:
“I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.” It made Runa’s face light up, and her gaze so happy. She leaned in and kissed her hard, grabbed her hand firmly and whispered back:
“Yeah I know, miss you already, bye.” Sofie blushed hard and moved out the door, held her hand for just another moment before she let go. 

She ran down the wooden stairs into the darkness, though her mother’s BMV lit up the driveway. The engine hummed quite silently. Before Sofie passed the lights, she stopped and turned around. She looked over at Runa who stood in the open door and stared back at her, smiled at her with tenderness in her eyes. She waved, Sofie grinned and waved back. 

Then she walked across the headlights, opened the door to the backseat and threw her stuff in, slammed it shut and opened the front passenger door, sat inside and closed it.
Lillian sat in the darkness with her head turned towards Runa who smiled at them and closed the door. She then turned her head towards Sofie and said:
“I thought you said it was a girl named Runa?”
“Yes I did, and she is a girl.” Sofie responded and frowned her brows, grew nervous. She put on her seatbelt hurriedly.
“Then she must be one of those bulldykes?” Asked Lillian surprised and looked at her. She backed out of the driveway and quickly drove off, the front lights lit up the road while streetlamps and little lights outside people’s houses lit the way. Sofie’s stomach sank and knotted up.
“You do know that’s like.. a slur, right?” She asked carefully. Her mother nodded and smiled smugly.
“Oh please, it’s not like anyone is here to judge us.” Sofie frowned and sank down in her seat. ‘I am’, she wished she could say. ‘I’m judging you.’
“So, what is she like?” Lillian asked further, Sofie grinned timidly and looked at her.
“She’s funny, and kind, and…” She replied, sighed. There were so many wonderful words she could use to describe her. She wanted to share her happiness with someone.
“.. comforting.” She added lastly. Lillian stared at her for just a moment before she put her eyes back on the road again, seemed unsure.
“Comforting? Does she touch you alot? She did stare at you quite a bit from the door.” She asked, Sofie barred her eyes open. The pit in her stomach grew. She didn’t answer, her mother continued:
“If she’s into you, then, well.. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you being around her.” Her tone was doubtful, but she acted so casually about it. As if the words she uttered didn’t send a spike through Sofie’s heart, and made her tear up in the darkness. Her emotional range was definitely still there without Runa present. A strong anger filled her. It was mostly dark, though her mother’s expression was clear to see. Still the mellow lights coming from outside felt comforting somehow. At least enough to help her feel somewhat protected while tearing up with fury and pain. It shot through her chest, she held her breath before sighing just to stop herself from crying.
“You haven’t even met her and you assume she is capable of harassing me, or worse?” She said, managed to keep her tears at bay.
“Well when you put it like that.” Her mother responded. 

Sofie tightened her brows, let her anger soar, it filled around the knot in her stomach and made her braver.
“After everything that happened at my old school, I finally made a friend, I get that you’re worried but jesus christ.” She complained, couldn’t hide just how angry this made her, though she tried to hold back expressing it.
“Oh I’m not allowed to be worried? I don’t want anything like that to ever happen again. She is most likely a lesbian, and she looked pretty strong too.” Her mother sighed in a stressed out tone. Sofie lowered her head and sighed. Right, she’s just worried, of course she’s hesitant.
“Yes, but you assume so badly of her so quickly, it’s not fair to her. And I feel that she’s safe to be around, I wouldn’t visit her if I didn’t.” She lifted her head and spoke a bit more sternly. Lillian sighed hard and held at the wheel more firmly.
“I assume, Sofie, that that girl just like those teenage boys at your old school, has very little impulse control when it comes to.. someone so.. well endowed as you.” Her mother replied, paused a couple of times seemingly to find the right words. She lifted her hand, touched her shoulder, Sofie pushed it away immediately. Somehow her mother managed to blame her for it all over again. The anger rose and fell within her in moments, and began to hurt instead.
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.” She added lastly. Sofie scoffed again, said:
“And so, what? I’m supposed to hide myself completely, cover myself up, and never make any friends just in case they’re bad?” As she said it, she looked down. 

Something fell into place within her, that was exactly what she had been doing. Of course, it was because of her anxiety too, and trauma, but she was hiding herself away. Her chest hurt more, she closed her eyes. Wondered what else she had missed out on, just because she was so afraid? So cowardly? Runa said she had believed the world to be cruel, she realized she had too. But that had changed now, she really was making everything anew. How cruel could the world be, when someone who had been treated that badly most of her life, were still so good and kind? If Runa could hold onto her kindness, could dare to let her in: Then maybe she could unfold herself to the world properly? She wanted to be strong for her, but she wanted it for herself too. Against Runa her body had felt like her own again somehow, between their movements she had felt desired and safe at the same time. She wanted to find a way to feel good about it away from her too, to give that new feeling on her skin a way to shine. To make herself glow for the sake of herself.

She looked up at her mother again, sighed deeply and hard. She had been quiet, probably lost in thought too.
“Mom? I don’t want to hide away from everyone anymore, I want to go shopping, there has to be some sort of middle ground. I’m tired of covering myself up so much.” Sofie said, despite the sorrow stirring in her chest, she smiled at her mother. Lillian seemed to notice, smiled back to her for just a moment.
“I guess that can be arranged.” She replied carefully. “How about on Saturday?” She added more happily. Sofie nodded and smiled, sighed hard to keep her focus, and continued more sternly:
“And I want to be Runa’s friend. She doesn’t even look at me like those boys did, she’s so good and kind. I want to give her a chance.” Lillian sighed long and hard. Their neighborhood started moving in the windows.
“Fine, alright. You can keep seeing her. But be careful around her, okay?” Her mother finally replied. Sofie nodded to her, looked to the side to hide her smile. 

If only she knew just how careful Runa is with her. Every touch she made was so gentle, soft and careful. The smoothness of her skin against hers, the feeling of her embrace. It ached within her, she sighed in the silence that had risen between her and Lillian. She closed her eyes in the near darkness, longed for her touch so intensely. Imagined the smell of her skin and hair, her big soft hand stroking up and down her back. Her stomach fluttered and her spine warmed up inside her. If her mother knew just how safe she felt, how happy it made her, she would never doubt Runa’s intentions. She looked over at her mother again, they were closing in on their house. 

A terrible thought struck her, she didn’t actually know what she thought about homosexuality. Maybe if Lillian knew what she felt for Runa, she’d forbid it outright?
“Mom?” Asked Sofie while they parked inside the garage.
“Yeah?” She responded while she took off her seatbelt. They remained seated in the car, the engine was still on. The light shone on the wall in front of them, lit them up just a little bit.
“Do you not like gay people?” Sofie asked further, the knot in her stomach tightened again.
“I don’t know any, but I have nothing against them as people.” Lillian replied calmly. Sofie sighed with relief. Her mother turned off the engine, it became pitch black. As she opened the door and the lights inside the car automatically got turned on, Lillian continued:
“I’m sure most of them would have been decent, had they not chosen to be sinners.” The knot in Sofie’s stomach sank into a heavy stone within her. Her neck and shoulders tightened.
“Sinners?” Was all she managed to say before her mother closed the door to the car. Sofie unmade her seatbelt, opened the door and stood out of it quickly.
“Mom you can’t be serious?” She slammed the door shut, went into the backseat and got her backpack and coat, shut the door. They walked out of the garage, the door began to slowly shut with a robotic hum.
“Oh I’m dead serious.” Her mother replied. Sofie halted while her mother walked on, but she stopped, turned around and looked at her. The wind had grown colder, it blew right through her hooded jacket.
“How can they be decent and sinners at the same time?” She asked, the desperation in her tone was unavoidable. Inside her sorrow and anger gathered around her stomach and chest. It made the place between her ribs almost physically hurt. She felt the pressure behind her eyes, but held it back with all her might. She wondered if she got too upset about it, her mother would figure her out.
“I don’t hate the sinner, just the sin.” Lillian replied. Her words made it really hard for Sofie to not cry where she stood.
“And what exactly is the sin?” She managed to ask without sorrow seeping into her voice.
“The sin is choosing to act on their unnatural urges.” Lillian replied, those were the words Sofie feared the most. She held on by only the strength of her will to maybe convince her mother otherwise.
“How can an urge coming from a natural being be unnatural?” She asked hurridly, the volume in her voice rose. Lillian looked surprised.
“Because those urges come from hell, from Satan, that makes it unnatural. Those who then choose to act on those urges sin by the power of the devil. It corrupts their soul, and those.. actions become disgusting and unholy because of it.”  She replied, she seemed to tense up too. She lifted her hand, moved it in front of herself and gestured to her daughter. Sofie was stunned to silence, she felt her tears coming.
“Why are you surprised? You know I am a Christian.” Her mother continued, she seemed somewhat angry. As if it was Sofie herself who was the upsetting one for judging her for her beliefs. Sofie swallowed, did her best to hide her sorrow, though she could not hide her disappointment. The tears were coming, she looked away and passed her.
“I just thought you were the good kind of Christian.” She said with calm fury, walked inside and slammed the door after herself. She kicked her shoes off, began to sob silently. She hung up her jacket, her mother entered the hallway.
“Sofie, why is this upsetting you so much?” She asked softly, as if she cared about her. Sure now she did, but it was just a shadow on the wall. Sofie didn’t respond, she quickly ran up the stairs with her backpack over her shoulder. Amund must already be in bed, of course Olai was too. She locked the door into her room, fell on her knees. It rushed through her in detail.

The sin was what she treasured the most, it was the most beautiful moments she had ever had with anyone. The sin was a part of her, the sin was her. She bent over herself, let go of her backpack and sobbed. Beneath her it all fell apart, her feet floated above the abyss. Whatever had returned with Runa faded like sand. Damn her big feelings, damn the rising of the fog. Her chest hurt, the sorrow and despair spread into her entire torso. It was so big within her, it felt like grief. Strong piercing all consuming grief. Her childhood memories flashed before her, every happy moment tainted by her love being conditional. Every hug, every concern, torn apart by the moment her mother would find out. What she’d say then, do then, she didn’t know. Was she capable of hating her own daughter? Would she be thrown out of her home? Slap her again? How had she not noticed her own mother having such harsh unforgiving views about something? How much had she not noticed with Amund as well? Was he like this too? She looked through her memories with him as well, attempted to see if there had been a hint of it. It was difficult to concentrate amidst the aching pain. She gave up and sobbed, tears ran down her cheeks, she pressed her face against her knees. She was slipping into sorrow, fading into grief. She groaned hard with her hands pressing against her face. Everything that had made her feel so happy changed and made her hurt. She laid down on the fluffy carpet, tried to concentrate. The sobs calmed, she stared up at the ceiling. The room was dark, except for the lamp on her nightstand she forgot to turn off this morning.  Her face was numb, tears ran down from her eyes to her ears in a steady but gentle pace. This morning? It felt like a world apart from now.

This morning she hadn’t kissed Runa yet, or known just how much she was hurting. She hadn’t felt her against herself, or seen her laugh yet. She was unaware just how thick the fog around her was, didn’t know she could ever be happy again. The notion of her mother’s disapproval began to taint her fresh memories of them together. She began to sob again, this time much more silently. Those memories were her treasure from the moment they happened, and now her mother tainted them. She frowned with anger in her sobs, and fought against it. No! Not there, not ever! She faced the memories, and enforced its original happiness. They had been the best moments of her life this far, and she knew they’d be more like them soon enough. No way that her future love was going to be destroyed by any of this. Her mind and body weight down in exhaustion, she finally let herself breathe calmly.

Eventually she sat up on the floor, sighed deeply and hard. The tears had stopped. How she longed for Runa to hold around her, and tell her she’d be okay. She frowned, bent over her backpack and got her cellphone. Then she stood up and walked over to her bed, she began to dress off herself. Quickly she was almost naked, and crawled into bed. She found Runa’s number on the phone, before she pressed the green button, she turned off the light. In the darkness Runa answered after two rings.
“Hey Sofie, I was gonna call you to say goodnight, but you beat me to...” She said in a hurry, Sofie sniffled and said:
“Runaaa.” Then she broke out into sobs again, and put the covers over her head.
“Wow wow hey, what’s going on?” Runa said so softly with such worry, amongst her grief the ache to be with her mingled, made it hurt even more. She started to sob louder.
“Heeey Sofie hey, talk to me. What has happened?” Her voice had grown more desperate, Sofie gathered herself enough to sniffle, then she sobbed more quietly again.
“It’s mo-hom.” She said mid sob, then she gathered herself properly.
“Something happened to your Mom? Is she okay?” The fact that Runa worried about her so easily made some heat flicher in her chest, she grinned and sniffled. And lifted the covers off herself, breathed in deeply.
“No, she’s fine, it’s just that she..” She replied and felt the sobs coming, so she pressed her fingers against her nose bridge and pushed them down. She gave off a short steep sigh, and continued with her eyes closed in the darkness:
“She is homophobic, because of her Christianity.”
“Oh no, Sofie, that’s awful.” Runa responded with warmth and compassion. The ache stirred in her chest. She imagined how it would feel if Runa laid beside her and held her close. How relieving and comforting it would feel, to have her caresses contrast to her sorrow. She frowned, pressed her palm against her nose and eyes, sniffled.
“I had to argue with her just so I could keep seeing you. And she said such awful things about gay people. That Satan is responsible for giving us sin, and we become sinful if we act on our urges. That it’s disgusting and unholy. God Runa, she probably thinks that about you already. And when she finds out about me, then..” She said, began to sob again. Her chest hurt, but she managed to swallow it while Runa said softly:
“Shit, I donno what to do about it but I’m here for you.” She grinned in her pain, wiped her wet eyes with a few of her fingers.
“I wish I was with you. I miss you.” She said sullenly followed by a deep sigh.
“Oh I miss you too. I’ll stay on the line however long you need me to.” Runa quickly responded, her tone was as always so tender, even if it too was sullen.
“Okay.” Sofie responded and sniffled. She frowned and sighed. How the touch of her skin would help her so much right now. It’d lull the pain till she fell into slumber.

“You know what Sofie?” Runa asked, her tone hinted at something joyful.
“What?” She responded and sighed.
“My parents like you so much.” Runa answered happily. Warmth spread softly in her chest and she started smiling.
“They do?” She asked.
“Mhm, they really do.” Replied Runa, now in a gentler tone. She continued:
“They said you seem so smart and kind and they are so happy that you like me so much. They said when we ate dinner that they felt relieved by seeing us together.” Sofie grinned harder, the warmth grew more intense in her chest, it spread around her aching and grief. Made it smaller within her with invisible hands chiming from her sweet memories.
“That’s wonderful.” She said. The thought of them liking her so fast made her so happy. She took it as a good sign, those wiser than them saw good in their coupling. It was comforting.
“That’s ‘cause you’re so wonderful.” Runa commented with the warmest most tender tone. It made the ache stir in her chest, but made her so happy too.
“I can’t wait to see you again.” She just had to say. “You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before.”
“Me too Sofie. No matter what your mom thinks, she can’t take away our happiness. And she’s got to change her mind, how can she not when you’re so god damn amazing?” Runa replied enthusiastically. Sofie giggled by her intensity, the sadness washed some of it away. Though the ache remained, she welcomed it. It meant she had someone wonderful to miss, in that she felt lucky. Runa was right, their happiness was only theirs to hold.
“God Runa, I hope so too.” Sofie responded softly, she heard Runa chuckle after.
“I’m sure she loves you, how could she ever observe your happiness to be sinful? You’re her child, there’s gotta be some mother bonding thing that tells her your happiness is good, no matter what. It has to convince her eventually. We just need to be patient with her.” Her words gave Sofie a glimpse of hope.
“Yes, I can talk you up so well that she’s gotta give you a chance. Then she’ll see what your parents saw. She’ll see how much you care, and how happy you make me.” Sofie said, she hadn’t had the idea to use her mother’s love to convince her, as if it was a biological weapon she could harness. 

She grinned in silence for a few moments. She was impressed, Runa problemsolved with such ease. She had mentioned how she struggled in school, but she was so creative and flexible. She went with it so easily, like she was supplementing her own feelings with instruments matching it.
“I can’t wait to be with you again.” She commented, Runa giggled.
“Me too, I want you in my arms.” She said softly, it made joy and ache shook against her spine. Her face warmed up, quickly her mind flickered with the feel of her soft lips against her own, amidst tongues and sighs, it had all been so heavenly. In her longing the irony wasn’t lost on her. If she too had been a Christian, she was sure she’d think Runa was a blessing from God himself.
“I want to kiss you again already.” Sofie responded and sighed. Her tenderness jumped off her words automatically. She heard Runa sigh as well.
“Oh Sofie.” She said so tenderly back. “Me too.” Sofie turned around under the covers, curled up. She grinned so widely in the darkness.
“I miss you.” Runa added with deep tenderness. The ache lingered, she frowned.
“I miss you too. I’m gonna fight so hard to sleep over, I promise.” She responded, held around her stomach, as if it was Runa holding her from behind. The moment from the guestroom flickered in her mind, of her sweet touch and gentle neck kisses. That gentle and comfortable euphoria happening in its wake.
“Good, I want that more than anything.” Runa said so tenderly, Sofie sighed and grinned, responded with:
“Me too.”

Chapter Text

Despite the sorrow and tears from the night before, she awoke to the alarm with warmth in her chest. When she opened her eyes she observed sunlight hit her baby blue bedroom wall, lighting it up making it feel like summer. She smiled while feeling gentle euphoria deep in her chest. Realized she had forgotten to pull down the blinds yesterday, and now she was greeted by this new and sunny world. Despite her tiredness she had looked outside to find gray clouds gathering in the distance. Soon to cover the sky above countless houses down the hill, and the nearly bare trees and evergreens dotted about, as well as the deep blue ocean. But now in this moment it was calm and serene. The sharp mountains grading into blue the further away they were, looked so crisp in the morning sun. Taking it all in made her stay put and feel how beautiful everything was. Emotion burst openly and brightly in the calm of the morning. Just thinking about everything they had done yesterday, and all that awaited her today: gave her bliss so vast she even sighed. Like some lost lover staring absentmindedly out of focus, she felt herself glowing with ache and wonder. She was indeed free, of the burden of the knowledge she constantly carried with her. Finally released from the terror and pain gnawing at her, she felt just a bit of her had returned into the shell. Within it instead of terror bursting through to torment her; warmth and kindness slid gently in. remembering all that pleasure and bliss, and having it still remaining inside her body; relaxed her all the way into the void in the shell. No matter the day she’d have before meeting her again, the parts of her once lost had risen to let her feel so potently. Those eyes had set fire to the dimming spark inside, blazing in the aftermath. Now she knew she could take it. Whatever anxiety and uncertainty awaiting her, she’d manage through it all, to be with her. 

In her robe she had sat down on her bed, and texted Runa good morning, got no reply just like yesterday when she overslept. Figured she got up later anyway. It was so quiet around her, on the walls were numerous illustrations of food-chains, extinct animals and plants, and nature motives in general. On her wide bookshelf it was still filled to the brim with all kinds of books. For the first time she wondered what Runa would think of it all. Would they ley down in this very bed to embrace tenderly once again? Even though she now knew having her here would be comøicated, that it most likely would take a while. She couldn’t help but look forward to it.

So she had jumped in the shower, shaved and cleaned herself thoroughly just for her. Put on her denim jeans yet another time, along with another black tanktop, and a hooded sweater in deep blue. One reaching to her lower waist, showing off her legs and rear. Today she already knew, she wanted to hide herself a little less. She’ll let her hair flow in the wind, just like her emotions.

After brushing her teeth she had grabbed an apple while hurriedly packing her lunch. She got dressed in the wide white hallway, Olai had already left the house before she exited the bathroom. She hurriedly put on her light blue windjacket and her backpack, locked the door after walking through it and walked off. Still the grass was pale or brown, the details in the birch trees stared back at her. Like dark eyes on white bark, gazing at her as she walked passed them. She turned her head up towards the greying sky, clouds moved slowly and gathered in lumps of waterdrops and air. The patterns in them told of unnamed wonders she could only dream of, for once she didn’t bother. The feel of Runa’s soft hands and lips tugged at her mind instead. While gentle rain dripped on her face and made her grin, she felt it all with the notion of safety and calmness. Somehow she felt no need to picture the weather patterns of how rivers, veins and plants evolved. Here she existed plainly as a simple human, whatever Runa had done to her she knew; had grounded her mind somehow. Another gift bestowed upon her, from the amazing living being that Runa was. They’d meet after her gym class, even if she didn’t want to hide with her somewhere to kiss; she couldn’t wait. Today is a beautiful day to be alive.

*

Runa got dressed around her despicable classmates in the locker room. Marlene’s friend Rebecca stared at her while, she put on her red windjacket. Her big green eyes seemed displeased, she rolled her eyes at her and turned her head away. Her brown hair had been combed and straightened. She had a thin bright red headband around her entire head right at her forehead’s hairline. Runa would usually be somewhat upset about such a disgusted gaze. She would accept it as a truthful judgment of herself, and go on with her day constantly being bombarded with looks, foul words and attempts at shoving or stumbling her. She took it all as if she deserved nothing less by them. As if she had done something horrible only her peers would see. She’d cry and hate herself, go home and feel undeserving of her parent’s love.

But today she felt none of that. Apart from the people in her class gathering and whispering while looking at her, she had been left completely alone. Fredrik and Alexander weren't even at school today. Mathias sat alone and barely looked at her. But even if any of them had tried to make her feel bad, she knew they couldn’t. Sofie’s touch remained on her skin, her kisses lingered on her lips. It had proven them all wrong on a fundamental level. Nobody else had observed her like she did. Sofie’s tenderness was a revelation she couldn’t shake off even if she tried. She had a calmness about her, a joy in her step. Happiness floated inside her head, made her look away and smile. 

She walked out of the school, Marlene and her gang of two more pushed past her and laughed about something. Rebecca and Ida walked beside her. They only wore very short hooded jackets instead of proper outerwear. They had white sneakers, and pants or tights folded up to show the skin of their clean shaven ankles. Runa knew they’d dress mostly like that for the entirety of winter, they all did. Even at her old school the bimbo girls as the style was called; did exactly that. Runa wondered how they managed, but she quickly got lost as she passed CG2 and walked down the hill. It rained, the clouds were dark. The ocean waved in a dulled blue, but Runa observed it all with appreciation. Nature really was beautiful. What was it Sofie had said? The food chain, the fiba-something sequence, the systems of everything. It was all connected, they all worked perfectly together. She wondered exactly what was happening inside her to make her feel so good. Were there specific names for the connections her brain made when they kissed? Was there a method to the way her body reacted to her presence? She had never thought about such things before, the notion made her grin. As if one day with her would somehow make her smarter.

Images of her fresh memories from yesterday flickered in her mind’s eye, while she looked down at the asphalt and walked. Sofie’s wide beautiful smile, the sound of her laughter. She felt her cheeks prickle, and sighed steeply. The feel of their chests and bellies pressing against one another. How messy her hair had been, when they awoke together, her beautiful tired eyes.  She felt her chest mushing with bliss. How she longed for it all to happen again. She wanted to find out how to make her happier, to make her feel so good. She was so beautiful in every way, Runa wanted to know everything, every thought swirling in her pretty head, be told about all the memories that shaped her. See all her reactions and expressions, she bet even when she was angry she was cute. She looked ahead, but barely paid attention to it. In her tiredness she zoned out completely. Her mind lingered on her bright blue eyes staring back at her. After a few seconds she was pulled out of her serene daydream.

“Hey!” Ida yelled, she turned around while walking, her dark blonde hair was straightened too. Her big brown eyes looked at her with such disgust. Perhaps they were braver now that it was only them and her for quite a distance.
“Don’t fucking look at our butts, bulldyke!” She screamed aggressively. Runa hadn’t paid attention to where she was looking. She grinned and replied back with ease:
“You wish.” She chuckled and hurried past them.
“Eeew! No fucking way!” Ida replied loudly. Marlene and Rebecca joined her in unison:
“Eeeewww!” They yelled. Runa turned around and walked backwards for just a moment:
“Yes eeeew, oh buuuu.” She responded in an ironically mocking tone. Before quickly turning around again, hurriedly she started to jog down the road. 

Gravity was on her side, she barely broke a sweat. The wind blew over her head, she crushed ever darkening leaves under her black sneakers. It didn’t take more than a few minutes before Gardencity school appeared. She grinned at it for once, imagined Sofie inside waiting to meet her. She’d come out the side door like yesterday, run up to her and kiss her. She smiled with her teeth, walked past the door in question. She turned the corner of the building on the parking lot, sighed deeply with calming happiness. She wanted Sofie to stand on the top of the stairs by the main doors to wait for her. Her long platinum blonde hair would wave in the wind, she’d look so beautiful. But of course, nobody was there. About forty meters ahead of her the doors were closed. Not a single person stood outside it. She jogged over to it and looked inside. Stared at the stairs leading up to the main hallway. The memories of the routine came back to her, dressing off in the locker room, constantly receiving glares, slurs, much like she usually did now. How silly she had been to think it could get better at her newer school. How naive she had been to let the switch happen. If she hadn’t, she might have met Sofie at this school, be in her class, or the one beside it. Meet her every lunch time, they’d hide away and kiss. She wouldn’t cry in pain for months, she’d fall for her among these wide long hallways instead. Fuck, it could have been great. But alas, she’d suffer for months before finally being graced with her presence. 

She walked inside the gymnasium. Entered a bent hallway, all in dull colors of blue and green, but mostly gray. She passed a door straight ahead, that led to a room behind the main hall. It had removable walls, and acted as a stage. She turned in the hallway, walked down a few steps of stairs. Two doors met her, one open, with a hallway further in that opened with double doors into the main hall. The other door, a small one, led to the girls wardrobe. She opened it, flung it open by accident. In the wardrobe the walls were yellow. Wooden benches with shelves and hooks on them were placed against the walls, and in the middle of the room. They had a particular wooden scent to them, so did the main hall, she knew.

She put down her gym bag on the furthest corner, soon enough the girls entered it. Then, some of the girls from the smallest 10th grade class at Gardencity, the C class, entered. Oh how she wished it was Sofie’s A class. Having her beside her while running and kicking balls, and whatever else they were forced to do in there. It’d make it all so much easier. The thought of showering with her made her blush again. Having her there to defend her in the showers, it would be relieving and embarrassing all at once. She sat down in silence while the girls started to undress in front of her. She opened her gym bag and pulled out her black running shoes, her workout tights and a tanktop. She sighed, still lost in thought. Would Sofie kiss her by the stairs when gym class was over? Be near her in front of other teens? She wouldn’t blame her if she couldn’t. Being seen with her, that ugly darkskinned bulldyke; it’d be alot for her anxiety to handle. After gym class she’d find out, she felt uneasy about it. Didn’t want her to force herself to do it either. If it didn’t happen, she decided already, it would be okay. 

She tried to focus on getting dressed. She changed as quickly as she could. Noticed some of the girls staring at her with disgust. She always thought she had an ugly bulky body. But attempted to imagine what Sofie saw when she looked at her. She wondered which parts she liked. Probably not her bulkiness, but she had said the first time she saw her that she was beautiful. She had worn a tanktop and shorts. Her muscles and leg hair had undoubtedly showed. And still she had found her to be beautiful? She frowned with her brows while she put her shoes on. She couldn’t imagine it, felt so ugly still. But it helped that someone in this world thought differently. She tied her shoes, stood up straight and grinned stiffly. All right then, let the torment begin.

She entered the gymnasium proper, it was big and brown with green floors. Marked by lines for different activities, like handball, soccer or basketball. Baskets for it hung on the walls on each side of the room. The wood in here had an even more potent aroma. Against the left walls were stepped wooden poles one could climb to the top. Against the walls where she entered through the doors, four low sitting long wooden benches. Two on the floor, and two on top of them again, turned upside down. The walls parallel to them were empty, except two double steel doors, usually opened when the class began. She placed herself against the wall to the side. Observed the remaining boys from her class, and the ones from the C class get rowdier, with each other and with the girls. They screamed and squealed in their rough playful grips. She began to imagine how she’d probably do the exact same thing to Sofie if she were here. Lift her, spin her, laugh with her. It’d be so fun. But she was alone. She sighed, somehow now that she had someone to miss, the loneliness struck a little harder in her chest. She had something to compare it to now. It didn’t feel right to be alone anymore.

Torvald the gym teacher entered the hall with a strong confident gate and a pep in his step. He was a big pale man covered in hair, but his complexion made them faint. He clapped hard twice and yelled:
“Okay everyone, gather around!” He then paused, placed his hands on his hips and leaned on one of them. Runa grinned, sometimes she got a somewhat gay vibe from him. Though he was clearly masculine and strong, there was something about how he moved his hands and hips: that made him seem just a tad feminine. The thought was amusing enough to make her chuckle quietly to herself. They all sat down in a ring around him. Runa sat in a somewhat empty spot. An automatic precaution on her part, it somehow became more noticeable for her.
“Have you had a good day today?” He asked at a normal volume, after he looked around with quick focus. Some mumbled yes, others no. She nodded and looked down, he met her eyes, noticed her nod and grinned. Then he continued:
“Today we’re gonna play cannonball.”  Some boys high fived each other and cheered.
“But first!” He yelled. “We’re gonna run an obstacle course.” He clapped his hands together enthusiastically, rubbed them together excitedly.
“Fun, yes?!” He asked rhetorically, and he added lastly:
“Okay now, get up everyone. Let’s play dictator!” His eyes were bright green, his hair was long, blonde and thick. It waved very similarly to Sofie’s hair. Runa grinned and looked to the side, Sofie really had the best hair she’d ever seen. She looked back on holding her, stroking her soft warm skin. Pressing her nose against her soft wavy hair, pulling her fingers through her strands and sniffing its sweet scent, she blushed in her daydream.
“Come on Runa, let’s go!” He yelled at her with a smile, everyone else stood up and were at the ready. They stared her down while she got up slowly.
“A bit distracted today are we?” He asked gently, she smiled apologetically and nodded. Then he lifted his big arm and waved it.
“Go on then, run!” He yelled, they started moving in a circle around him. He played coy as if he was going to be completely silent. They ran like a herd of reindeer; she had seen it in a documentary once, at NRK. Norway’s national broadcasting network. The moving images of a gigantic herd of reindeer running around a Sami man with a lasso in his hands. The winter snow was threaded into the mud below their hoofs, shaping the ground like a donut from afar. The Sami man wore blue clothes with red detailing, with pointed shoes and a hat with three points. His coat tied with a belt at his waist and poked out like a skirt over his thighs. The detailing she remembered vaguely, was intricate in patterns in red, green and yellow up close. But from afar it looked mostly red. He’d throw the lasso and pick one for marking or slaughter. She grinned while she ran, started to sweat properly as she zoned out. The images played in her mind. The reindeer singled out resisted until the Sami man held at its antlers, it instinctually folded to his power as if bred to do so. Sofie had said the most primal instinct was to resist and fight death. Though the reindeer couldn’t know for certain it was picked for slaughter, she wondered how they had managed to override that instinct. She knew they were an ancient people, maybe time was the key?

“The dictator says..” Torvald said and pulled her out of her head, he put his arms behind his back. But then he moved them forward quickly, stretched them out and up, yelled with a wide grin:
“Left elbow!” They all stopped and bent down in sync, pressed their left elbow against the floor, then got up quickly again. The flow must not be interrupted, much like the smoothness of the reindeer herd.
“Hmm the dictator saaays..” He said, as usual he tried to make it as fun as possible. It didn’t usually work for her, but today was different. He watched them all carefully.
“Belly on the floor!” He added hurriedly with bravado. They all laid down in sighs and complaints, pressed their bellies to the floor for a second, then quickly got up. When adhering to his demands she felt her muscles ache. After Sofie’s call she had felt uneasy, both with joy and despair on her behalf. So quickly Sofie could choose to leave her, just because of her mother. A workout was the only thing that could calm her mind. Unintentionally she had pushed herself a bit too hard. And now her muscles ached and hurt as she got up again, and jogged in the circle.
“Dictator says butt on the floor!” Torvald hurried intensely, they all sat down and got up quickly. By now they were all getting pretty tired. Her fellow students panted and groaned, their pale faces grew pink. Runa smiled to herself. Not long now, until she could see her again. Just an hour and fifteen minutes left to go.

-

After a while he had asked the strongest students, herself included; to pick and pull equipment out of the storage room. Things to climb over, fall against, jump over. She did it well, though the boys from the C class had jumped away from her touch, yelled dyke after her. Today it didn’t break her spirit, but only annoyed her.

The obstacle course was fine enough. Three students in groups, one after another, though the rest observed them closely. Nobody wanted to be near her still, but she did well. She and the boys from before put all the equipment in place again. And then, they played cannonball.
As always she was picked last for either team, and targeted repeatedly. A few weeks ago, after a recent beating, that had been enough for her to run out of the gymnasium and sit outside until the class had ended. Today she handled it much better, Torvald looked at her and nodded, ordered them to play nice.

Then it was time for the worst part, the showers. The girls filled up the wardrobe. She dressed off herself carefully with a towel around her. The girls joked and laughed and seemed relaxed in their skins, but she saw through it in them too. Though she tried her best not to look at them, a hint of even the slightest observation would give her yelling, screaming and mocking as punishment. Usually she’d wait until everyone was finished, but even then she could still be mocked in there. She had different plans for today though. If Sofie could bring herself to be braver, she had decided; then so could she.

So she grabbed her body soap, held the towel around herself and walked into the damp showers. The walls were covered head to toe in light blue tiles. The showerheads stuck out from the walls on all sides, with handles to push and adjust the temperature. She found the furthest to the side as always, and hung her towel on a small hook just away from the streams of the showerhead. The moment she got naked, she heard girls from her own and the C class whisper and giggle. She looked over at them and frowned, They stared her up and down in disgust.
“You’re soo uglyy!” Marlene yelled. A girl she didn’t know the name of in the C class laughed and yelled with her:
“And disgusting!” Anger grew amidst her shame. In the showers was the one place she never snapped back at them, they could say whatever they wanted and knew she’d never do anything to stop it.
“If I looked like you, I’d kill myself!” Rebecca yelled, they laughed. In the mist she felt her tears swell, it made her hyperaware as pain flared, something hurt in her chest. Normally she was numb to most comments, as long as she hadn’t been beat up. She observed herself like irises glowing, staring backwards, straight at her own plate. Riddled with scrapes and smudges, Sofie’s blue imprint glowed strongly, made that terrible obsidian spike behind her chest. In a moment of clarity her mind raced, with all the times she had heard such terrible insults. They had soiled her already broken plate, but nothing compared to Sofie’s bright blue imprint. That’s why it hurt so much, it wasn’t right anymore. Wasn’t her destiny, not a curse nor anything to do with herself. It wasn’t even her looks, not when Sofie’s sweet words rang against them. 

You’re so beautiful, when you look at me I just melt, I want you so much.

Brightly her broken mind shone in bright blue, like her beautiful eyes they folded over her thoughts. Helped her imagine what she’d do, had she been here right now. ‘Shut up! You’re all wrong, and terrible!’ She’d probably shout at them defiantly. If not yelling at them, she’d disagree for sure, grip her and pull her away. Tell her they were wrong. ‘Oh Runa, don’t listen to them’, she’d whisper amidst steam and torment. ‘They couldn’t be more wrong, I think you’re beautiful.’ Would she herself had let them, while seeing the undoubtedly sorrowful expression sweet Sofie would make? Had she heard and observed her cowardice, would she be disappointed? I’ll tell them off, just for you.

For once she tied her fists amongst the steam, running water and pale naked girls. Braced herself silently while figuring out what to respond. Their overly exaggerated reactions earlier when she implied they liked her, came to mind. Would making them uncomfortable work? In here she figured, while so exposed to their disgust, she had nothing to lose. So she laughed tightly in false bravado, and yelled back:
“If you don’t like the way I look, then why do you keep looking!?” Their eyes grew big, while their mouths shut in silence. Runa shook her hands in anger.
“Are you like, in leeesbian love with me or something!?” She continued mockingly, figured that would be their soft spot. They looked down, and were silent for a few seconds.
“No!?” She asked them in a quick shout. Then she sighed, turned on the shower in front of her and said:
“Then leave me the fuck alone.” Her heart beat fast in her chest, while she pushed liquid soap into her hands and rubbed it under her arms and in her groin. She faced the wall with big eyes and sighed deeply. The girls were quiet behind her, she was surprised that it had worked so well. Why hadn’t she done this before? She began to wash her buttcrack quickly, rinsed everything off and turned off the shower again. Wrapped the towel around herself quietly. As she walked past them she noticed them looking away, it made her smile weakly. I did it. Pride mixed with her shame. 

She walked over to her bag, clothes and shoes. She sat down and dried her hands on the towel over her thighs, reached in the bag and found her phone. She felt her cheeks prickle again, it was almost time. Since she was done earlier than normal, maybe Sofie would assume the time to be later. She didn’t want to wait for her, she wanted their moments together to be as many as possible. So she texted her:

| almost done <3 |

She put the phone into the bag again, stood up and began to dry herself over her towel. The girls in the wardrobe seemed to ignore her and talk amongst themselves. She put on her tight-fitting boxer shorts and placed the towel on the bench. It was so difficult to put on her sports bra with it around herself, she opted to do it differently today. She let her upper body be naked, and felt her spine chill while her stomach tightened with tension. It took her only a handful of seconds to put on her black sportsbra. She sighed with relief, dragged on her black denim pants first. Then a bright red tanktop. After, a black hooded sweater. She pushed her running shoes and athletic wear into her gym bag all in one swoop. Stepped into her shoes and tied the shoelaces quickly. Her body began to shake with excitement. Her cheeks radiated warmth, and her spine shivered very gently. She zipped the bag shut, put her dark red windjacket on and quickly ran out the wardrobe. Sprinted up the stairs and turned the corner. 

There was a window in each of the double doors going outside, and there she sat. Sofie wore pants today too, in classic blue denim just like yesterday. She grinned, had they both sort of dressed the same today? Sofie even wore a deep blue hooded sweater at a normal length like herself. Along with her light blue windjacket remaining open. The hoods for both were down, her long wavy blonde hair was out and waved beautifully in the wind. She pushed herself out the doors and yelled:
“Sofie!” She grinned with her teeth and started running to her. Sofie even had her bangs behind her ears, her big bright blue eyes looked up at her. With her happy beautiful face showing fully in all its glory, she stood up. Her white smile was so wide and wonderful. She opened her arms and walked towards her, quickly they pressed themselves hard against one another. Sofie hugged her back, giggled softly against her ear. The sound of her laughter made Runa’s spine emit trembling warmth, and her heart to beat faster. She sighed with relief, the ache lessened. Never before had she missed anyone this intensely, finally it was calming down.
“Finally you’re here.” Said Sofie so sweetly, they released just enough to face each other. She blushed, it was so easy to see on her pail skin. Runa chuckled and lifted her hand to her face. Pressed it against her soft cold cheek, observed her close her eyes and lean against it.
“I’ve waited all day for you.” She whispered gently, Runa felt her spine shiver for just a moment. Sofie opened her eyes again. Even in the dulled rainfall her irises were so brightly blue.
“Me too.” Runa responded a bit louder. People started to exit both the doors from the gymnasium and behind her. Runa could see the panic in her eyes rise and widen. Her smile faded slowly.
“You don’t have to, it’s okay.” She whispered carefully, and felt Sofie’s hands release from her, quickly she accepted it. Of course it’d be too much for her, being seen with such a loser. Right where her stomach began, she felt it spike gently. Though she managed to hide it, a slight pain grew inside her.

Sofie looked down with pink cheeks, nodded and grabbed her hand firmly. She pulled her behind the empty wall beside them, numerous people exited the gymnasium all at once. She heard Fredrik laugh, and sighed with relief. At least they weren’t witnessed by him. Sofie stood nearest to the wall, they were out of anyone’s eyesight. She frowned with her mouth so adorably and looked even further down, her bangs fell in front of her face. Quickly the sharpness lessened, and instead her chest mushed with warmth. Until she heard Sofie whimper in a whisper:
“I’m so sorry.” Runa lifted her arms and embraced her, pressed her hands against her wavy blonde hair. She clearly felt so bad, the notion shrunk the hurt even more, she felt it fade into the depths. This isn’t about me, she reminded herself.
“God, I’m horrible.” Sofie added amidst quicker sighs. Runa frowned, stroked the back of her light blue windjacket firmly. The fabric sounded sharply from her bare hands.
“Hush now, it’s okay. I’m fine, really.” She reassured her, Sofie leaned against her shoulder and sniffled. She embraced her back carefully, her hands were shaking. She must be quite afraid, was she anxious then? 

Quickly her mind flickered with loose but tangible memories. Of herself hiding beneath the bed, gripping around herself to make the fear go away. So she released her grip around her arms, and bent her knees. Sofie’s breaths quickened as she gripped her hard around her chest and lifted her up. Held her there for a few seconds. Sofie’s breaths slowed down with the tips of her shoes touching the ground. Runa grinned against her shoulder, held her tightly still. It seemed to be helping, somehow she felt proud. So there was actually something she could do to help then?

She let her down, faced her to see her expression better.
“I promise I’m not ashamed of you, I’m just so afraid.” She said more calmly with her dark beautiful voice, Runa touched the hair near her ear, pulled her fingers through her long locks. Sofie sighed, her cheeks were wet, she moved back and faced her properly. Runa moved her head to the side and stroked her cheek with her nose, then she leaned in and kissed it gently. Tasted her salty tears as they dried. Sofie smiled and looked down, sighed hard with pinker cheeks.
“I know Sofie. I don’t need them to know, all I need is you.” She replied gently, Sofie lifted her wet pale lashes and stared at her, her irises were so intensely blue still. It made her spine shiver, she blushed and grinned. Sofie leaned in and pressed their cheeks together.
“Oh Runa, are you sure?” She whispered tenderly, Runa leaned back. Their lips brushed against one another, her cheeks prickled.
“Yeah, I’m just happy to be with you right here.” She responded tenderly, Sofie smiled against her lips. They met softly before she knew it.

Spit gathered between them quickly. They dragged their lips hard but slowly over and under each other. Her breath grew warm and slow, with an increasingly fluttering stomach. Sofie’s hands stroked the back of her head and touched against her neck and curls. Their tongues met timidly in the gentle rain. The touch of her wet tongue sent a strong bolt up her spine, and made her chest, stomach and spine so hot. They opened their mouths wider and kissed more deeply. Their wet warm tongues rolled around one another slowly, their movements grew electric pretty fast. She heard Sofie whisper a moan in her breath, Runa squeezed her face closer together with her hands, and slowly walked towards her, pressing her against the wall. Below them were brown leaves and wet grass. The very distinct aroma of it filled her nostrils, when she sighed hard through her nose. Sofie got a stronger grip on the curls in the back of her head, tilted her head more to the side and opened wider. Her breath shook against Runa’s tongue. They pressed their bodies hard against one another, she heard a few whispers to her right. 

Discreetly she opened her right eye and looked to the side, observed someone’s brown left eye looking at them for just a moment. The person quickly moved away, Sofie released. Her lips were pink and wet. The look on her face was spine tingling.
“Did you hear something?” She whispered with unfocused eyes, Runa grinned and shook her head, leaned in again.
“No, hey you know what? You look so beautiful today.” She said to distract her, Sofie looked down in her grip, swallowed and smiled.
“You think so? It’s a process but I’m trying to hide myself a little less today.” She responded shyly. Runa nodded and grinned widely.
“Oh I can tell, I love seeing more of your face.” She said enthusiastically, moved her face to the side and pressed her mouth against her cheek, removed her right hand from it and moved it down to her hip. Stroked her hand against her pants. Sofie smiled widely with her teeth and giggled weakly. Her lips were still glossy with spit. Her teeth were bigger than her own, straight and white. The way her thick lips stretched over them was immaculate, the sight of it was spine tingling. She had to see more of it.
“Your butt looks so good in these jeans too.” Runa continued amused in an unserious tone. Sofie lifted her head back and laughed loudly. It made her spine shiver hard, and radiate warmth into her entire torso. Sofie’s blush pinked up more for just a moment, then she opened her bright blue eyes and looked at her with tenderness and joy.
“Well you have the prettiest butt I’ve ever seen.” She said back with tender playfulness, it took Runa by gentle surprise, had her gasp with hot prickling cheeks.
“Is that so?” She asked back softly, Sofie nodded and stared at her with a soft expression. She looked down at her lips then up into her eyes again, Runa knew what this meant but she wanted to hear her laugh just a little bit more. So she moved her hand further back, and pressed against the side of Sofie’s right buttcheek. Rubbed the denim playfully and said a bit too loudly:
“Well let’s see then, if you’re right!” As Sofie started laughing vividly beside her, Runa chuckled and grinned, bent her knees and lowered her torso. Pressed her cheek on her hooded sweater, against her belly. Still her jacket was open, she could hear her laughter bellow from inside her chest. And gripped her rear with both her hands and stroked them hard while saying:
“Oh no I think yours is better! It feels so nice!” She groaned suggestively, before gripping around her upper thighs. Abruptly she lifted her up. Sofie screamed above her and laughed hard in a high pitch. Runa chuckled along with her and groaned, spun her slowly while yelling:
“It’s way prettier too!” Sofie gasped and bent over her shoulders while gripping them, laughed in screams and yelled:
“Liar!” The happiness between them burrowed deep into her bones, gave her aching chest bliss as she quickly tired. She let her go and heaved out of breath, Sofie did the same with her wide white smile and bright blue eyes. Still she chuckled in her deep gasps. Runa observed with glee, a bolt shot through her spine again, this time more strongly. Her knees weakened by witnessing such a beautiful sight. She felt her face heat up more, and her heart beat fast. Moved both of her hands on the sides of her hips and pressed her closer.
“Your smile is pretty too.” Runa said tenderly. Sofie leaned her head back, and continued to roll in her high beautiful laughter. She pressed her face against Sofie’s warm pink cheek and pecked it hard.
“God you’re silly.” Sofie said while Runa continued to peck her. But then she moved her hand up and pressed it against the collar of Runa’s dark red windjacket, had her stop. She grinned at her, stared her in the eyes tenderly. Lifted her cold hand up to her cheek and stroked it carefully, said:
“I might be biased, but you’re really funny.” She whispered somewhat out of breath. Runa leaned in closer, pressed her softly against the empty wall again, and responded:
“Why thank you.” Their lips met slowly, but their movements were hard.
“But you’re totally biased.” She added between a movement. Sofie giggled and moved her hand against her jaw and ear, rubbed the curls behind it ever so gently. Her touch was so heartfelt, it undid every mean word and look she had gotten throughout the day. 

Her soft lips moved with wide slow movements against her own, Runa sighed and smiled in their kiss. Her hand found Sofie’s upper neck beneath her ear, and stroked it with care. With her hair pressed against her fingers, she felt Sofie smile back. Runa just had to lean back and whisper against her pout:
“I’ve missed you so much.” She frowned involuntarily with her mouth as today’s loneliness seeped through her current happiness. Sofie frowned right back at her with sullen eyes, stroked the side of her head harder and said:
“Me too.” Runa looked down, felt herself wanting to cry. She sighed and pushed the tears in. striving for their fleeting moment together to be happy. Sofie’s other hand stroked against her cheek, Runa leaned against it and closed her eyes, sighed hard. ‘If I looked like you, I’d kill myself’. The words spoken amongst steam and water echoed in her mind. She felt herself tear up, how many times had she heard that, and worse? How many insults had she gotten used to? It felt more cruel now, somehow. Even if her day had been better than expected, better than most. It all felt so unnecessarily cruel.
“They’re so mean to me.” She added further, opened her eyes and looked at Sofie’s sad but beautiful expression. She nodded at her and frowned.
“I had gotten so used to it. But it doesn’t feel right anymore.” Runa added in gentle tones. Her stomach sank, though happiness still lingered in her chest. She focused her gaze on her tender blue eyes, felt her affection shining through the sadness.
“It’s like I finally have something good to compare it to now.” She whispered, Sofie smiled carefully with glossy eyes, sighed gently and pushed her closer. She rested her nose against her cheek, kissed her tenderly with her soft lips, and whispered:
“Oh Runa, I’m gonna be so good to you.” She moved her thin cold hand from her cheek and wrapped her entire arm around her shoulder, pressed their faces together quickly.
“I know, me too.” Was all she had time to say back before their lips pressed together hard. Sofie’s closed lips kissed her widely with big slow movements. Runa felt tears pressing behind her eyes while she closed them, and grinned in their kiss. She sighed and felt the heat rise back into her spine and belly. Sofie poked the tip of her tongue in between a movement, tilting her head. They opened wide, their tongues met deeply. Runa moved her free hand against her waist and stroked it, pushed her into the empty wall again. 

She paused and yawned. Sofie giggled against her lips.
“Oh am I boring you?” She asked softly, seemed amused. Runa nodded and grinned, replied in wide exaggerated tones:
“Yes this is just the most boring thing I’ve ever..” Sofie gasped in a playful tone. Runa started laughing and shook her head.
“Kidding!” She yelled as her laughter calmed, sighed and leaned in, said softly against her lips:
“I would never.” Then she quickly leaned in, continued where she left off. They giggled for a few moments while kissing before concentrating on the task at hand. They rushed with it, knowing their time was limited. Soon enough she’d have to go, walk up the hill and enter that hellhole again for about one hour and fifteen minutes. She’d have to hear them insult her, or observe their contempt and withdrawals for a bit longer. Enduring the inhumanity of it all. Day in and day out she had faced them never expecting it to change. Even while remembering the words of her former shrink, or her parents: It was hard to not believe her peers, when it happened so consistently. Her weak slow mind couldn’t fight that terrible feeling, no matter how hard she tried. Despite moments of clarity, she believed them. But they had been so wrong.

Sofie gripped her more intensely as she felt a tear force itself through her closed eye. It ran down her cheek, she frowned in the kiss and made their lips meet harder. Moved her hand from her waist up to her shoulder, and pressed her bulky hand against her long soft hair and stroked it. Their tongues met widely, and slowly began to circle one another again. Her spine glowed and shivered, and her stomach fluttered as always. Sofie made the tips of their tongues meet more rapidly, her mouth became electric. She let out an involuntarily breathy and jittery moan. Her chest burst with warmth and joy. Folding to the bliss was easy, even here.

The soft movements of her lips, the rhythm of her tongue against hers; it blinded her to time passing. She didn’t care, it seemed Sofie didn’t either. She released now and again between the caressing of cheeks and lips, and stared at her in that particular way. Her tender gaze of awe made her own presence feel so precious, so valuable and so dearly wanted. It was moving to observe in contrast to the foul actions of her peers. The blueness of her eyes illuminated strongly to counteract their painful actions against her. Her gaze burned like blue fire, its light made the shadows they cast over her falter. Sofie’s flame shone brighter against the darkness they continuously cast on her, contradicting them in every way. Runa imagined basking in her light, her blue fire so luminous and unique it was impossible to deny. The hairs stood on her arms as Sofie kissed her deeply and slowly. She cried and held her harder, her chest ached to be closer. Maybe this was the sharpness in her chest weakening? It felt softer somehow, amongst the ache and uncertainty. Whatever terrible inner pain writhing inside her chest cavity, around her ribs and spine; it didn’t coil in Sofie’s tender presence. It calmed by her sweet wet lips and soft grip, relaxed her muscles and softened her to the bone, and far beyond. Something inside her finally accepted the world had changed, processed it now that another day in this new reality had arrived. The grand apology for her wretched existence, the ultimate reward for her inner strength; was this sweet angelic girl of blue.

Sofie pulled back slowly with wet lips and a weak smile, stared back at her with tearful tender eyes. That particular look re-emerged, from the depth of her bright blue wondrous eyes, in the heavens staring back at her something gleamed. Maybe this was what she needed observing her so intensely? Did her bright blue fire shine deep into her soul? She imagined it burning against the sharpness, melting it away ever so slightly. Marking another bright pattern on her scraped up and messy plate. Changing her forever yet again? 

Or maybe, she looked to the side, smiled at her mind so easily swayed by romance and longing. Yes maybe; she was just a lovesick and desperate teenage girl. Finally receiving what she had never even dared to hope for, visualizing it to make sense of it?

Sofie pushed her face against her cheek and sighed.
“I think it’s time.” She whispered sullenly. Runa sighed hard, frowned and looked at her again. She wasn’t ready, so she turned her head quickly and pecked her repeatedly. Sofie giggled and stroked her neck, held her closer.
“I know I know.” She said humorously, and had them release with a sorrowful but forceful grin.
“I’ll miss you too. But it won’t be long.” She added, Runa let go of her with a heavy head and held her hand tightly. They walked slowly past the empty wall to the metal staircase. Nobody was there, Sofie’s class had undoubtedly started already. They faced each other, her presence was so precious, leaving her felt empty and wrong. Especially now that she’d be removed from it.
“Can’t I stay?” She pleaded unseriously, Sofie shook her head and leaned in, had their noses touch. Her gaze and pale lashes faced down, while her cheeks blushed pinker. She sniffled with glossy eyes, and smiled weakly. Wind blew between them, made the wavy hair close to her face dance along with it. She was so stunning, her chest mushed and ached.
“Just think about yesterday, or about later.” Sofie suggested so sweetly. Runa lifted her hand, stroked her now warm cheek, Sofie rose her lashes and met her eyes, smiled wider. It gave her stomach flutters.
“As if I haven’t already.” Runa commented and grinned. Sofie’s smile grew broad and genuine, Runa’s knees failed her for just a moment. She needed more, so much more.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day.” She added intentionally tenderly. Sofie sighed hard as her smile opened and showed just a sliver of her tongue. Runa held her left cheek firmly and kissed the right one, moved her face to the side closer to her ear, pushed her blonde wavy hair back with her nose.
“I even have some ideas about what we can do, later.” She whispered, Sofie swallowed and sighed against her ear.
“Mmh Runa.” She said in a low breathy whisper. “I can’t wait.” Runa leaned back, observed her face to be redder and her eyes less sorrowful. She decided this was the way she wanted to leave her, happy, hopeful and wanting for more. So she leaned in quickly, pecked her hard a handful of times, before she released completely. The space between them felt vast already.

Runa stretched out her hand comically and pretended to have no control in their departure. Sofie giggled, reached for her more earnestly with a calm gaze.
“I’ll see you soon.” She said gently but happily. Runa nodded.
“Yes you will!” She yelled as the distance between them grew. Then she sighed, turned around and started jogging. Maybe it was easier this way, if she looked back it’d hurt more. So she resisted, and ran past the corner towards the road. Past the stone stairs leading up  to the side door, and the lone birch tree up the road, back to the place where shadows were cast on her. Somehow it was easier to face it now, like Sofie had given her strength. She grinned to herself as the rain started pouring harsher. She had a beautiful girl to look forward to, how many of them could say the same?

*

Sofie walked into the classroom without pausing to wonder who’d look at her. She entered, Britt stopped and stared at her.
“You’re late.” She said, seemed more stressed out than usual. Sofie’s gaze lingered on her half long shoulder length blonde hair, and her small frame. Why was she so worried? Sofie nodded, grinned and responded way too joyfully than intended:
“Sorry.” She saw Elise and Amelie scoff and roll their eyes at her, while Benedikte’s green eyes stared at her almost with disgust. Sofie sighed, still didn’t know why. She sat down beside Artur still with prickling cheeks. He stared at her with big eyes, the bangs Runa had stroked to the side still stayed behind her ear. Somehow moving it down felt like an erasure of her touch.

She sighed and grinned, Artur elbowed her and whispered:
“You good Sofie?” He smiled as she nodded while blushing.
“Yeah, I can tell.” He commented further, she looked down, felt her cheeks prickle more. She sighed hard and put her hand on her mouth, leaned on her elbow.
“Where have you been?” He whispered more quietly, she looked over at him, couldn’t help but grin. She was so tempted to tell him everything, share her joy with someone. She stopped herself, lowered her head and looked down to the side.
“Oh, nowhere special.” She answered softly. He narrowed his eyes with a weak smile and nodded, somehow he seemed to know. Whispered back seemingly amused:
“Okay, keep your secrets.” He probably thought she was meeting up with some boy, and felt shy about it. It was easier for her to let him think that.

She looked down at the Geography book, stared at a map of the silk road. Immediately her mind faded into a daydream. She wondered what Runa wanted to do later. Memories of yesterday seeped gently in, made her turn away and sigh. Her lungs filled with hot air, she crossed her legs and stretched her back. A gentle hum of arousal gave her daydream substance. Runa had kissed her so well against that wall outside, it had made her knees tremble and her spine bolt. For her mouth to prickle and her groin beat. She bit her lower lip, remembering the movements their tongues had made, gave her spine a shiver where she sat. She grinned and sighed again, tried to concentrate. An hour and a half left, and then they’d meet up and wander down to the sea, enter that cute little house again. She closed her eyes as Britt talked about some viking grave having a muslim pendant in it. How interesting it was that the vikings existed right beside the islamic golden age. She couldn’t hold onto it, her mind faded again.

Runa will kiss her all over again, and re-shape her senses in her image. She looked down at her notebook, grabbed her pencil and began to draw a line looping slowly. She bit her lower lip, leaned her head on her hand again a bit harder. Her chest began to ache for her already, time moved so slowly. She hoped Runa was left alone up there, that they’d all leave her alone forever. She tightened her brows, ended the line with about ten loops over each other. The drawing somehow felt like the endless movements they had made together. Her heart ached again, this was going to be a long double-lesson.

-

They entered Runa’s bedroom slowly in silence, she turned on the light and they put their backpacks down on the floor. Runa also let go of her gym bag. The room was warmer today, the small radiator placed below the window must be on this time. As if Runa had planned for this, she undoubtedly had. Sofie grinned with excitement, she felt herself blushing so hot already. They sat quietly down on her bed, and held each other’s hands. In her nervousness she looked down and cleared her throat, before sighing hard. Runa smiled sweetly and tilted her head, gazed at her tenderly. Before she let go and moved her hand up, stroked away some of her bangs and pushed it behind her ear. Her touch was so gentle, Sofie looked her in the eyes again. They were dark and warm, her gaze was so tender and caring. It made a soft bolt of warmth travel up her spine. Her heart started beating faster, she sighed deeply and slowly. God, she was so beautiful. In every movement she made, even the way she was sitting was somehow attractive. She grinned with excitement back at her, leaned in slowly. Their lips met in the silence.

The moment they kissed another burst of static trembled up her spine, she grinned while they slowly moved their lips together. And grabbed a hold of Runa’s strong shoulders, they both still wore their hooded sweaters. Sofie pinched the fabric with her fingers, pulled her closer. Runa giggled against her, released and stroked her cheek with the tip of her nose. Her hand rested behind her ear, the feel of her touch had her stomach flutter intensely. Something about it felt so incredibly tender, she paused in the tension, taking it all in.
“You’re so cute.” Runa said amused, Sofie bit her bottom lip and looked down, and smiled. Her heartrate still increased slowly. Then she lifted her gaze and looked at her, their eyes met so close. It was a bit overwhelming, she was so beautiful it made her entire torso warm up.
“So are you.” She whispered back, the ache erupted in her chest. She couldn’t take it anymore, so she moved her head a bit to the side, and finally met Runa’s lips with the firmness her craving body demanded.

She closed her eyes, their lips pressed and gathered around one another. The movements were electric, and made her entire spine shine with warmth within her. She let go of her shoulders, and moved her arms over them around the back of her head. Runa lifted her other hand up and pressed gently on both sides of her cheeks. Her big broad hands were so soft, so gentle, it made her stomach flutter harder. She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue in carefully, Runa let it in and had them meet firmly. When they both moaned in their breaths, their tips moved around each other repeatedly. The feeling of them sent a strong slow warmth through her spine, and made it glow in vibrations so delightful, she gasped. Opened her mouth wider, pressed it in deeper. That wonderfully warm tingling sensation re-appeared in her tongue and lips. She sighed hard, felt herself getting so turned on. It was almost comical. She lost herself to the depth of her ever growing desire. The sense of time passing faded. 

After a while in this bliss, she released. They were both somewhat out of breath. She moved her hand in front of her jaw while her own mouth stayed open, pushed her big thumb inside it. As if dazed in a mist, Sofie felt it circle on her tongue without reacting much. She felt it beam and tingle against her touch. Her entire torso and spine shivered, she let out a quiet moan. It all happened so quickly out of her control, she opened her eyes and caught Runa observing her closely. Her gaze had a calm focus, and her brows curved gently in a quietly passionate expression. She felt her entire face blush hard, and started grinning widely with embarrassment, finally came to above the mist. So she leaned back and closed her mouth. Faced down and pressed her head against Runa’s shoulder, who started giggling calmly against her.
“You really like that huh?” She asked amused. Sofie pressed her hands against her collarbones and nodded while she groaned.
“About those ideas I’ve been having...” Runa said further, and swallowed. Sofie heard it so clearly being this near her throat. She seemed to be nervous too.
“Maybe we should try to figure out what we like, you know, without going all the way?” She continued, Sofie opened her eyes and grinned against her, then she moved back and looked at her in amazement. Runa looked down to the side, she must be embarrassed as well.
“I want that too.” Sofie responded in a shaky whisper. Runa met her gaze again, this time with excitement and joy. She grinned, leaned in and pecked her slowly a couple of times. When they released; she stroked her free hand against her upper chest. Despite the touch being against fabric, it made her stomach flutter. Runa swallowed again, said hesitantly as she looked away:
“I.. wanna kiss you all over, is that okay?” Sofie grinned and looked down, laughed nervously. Then their eyes met again, she nodded gently and said carefully:
“Oh Runa, me too.” She lifted her hands up from her collarbones and pressed them behind her strong neck, stroked her soft little curls. Inside she felt the tension grow, for her stomach to flutter, her heartbeat to rise.
“You’ll turn off the lights then? And the music should be at a lower volume, I want to hear you if you say no to anything.” She added somewhat hesitantly, managed to look Runa in the eyes this time. Her warm gaze calmed and she smiled, her eyes were so tender. She nodded quickly, pressed their faces closer, replied tenderly while looking down at her mouth:
“Okay, I’ll go find something.” She leaned in and kissed her softly. Her lips were smaller than her own, but when they kissed they seemed to gain in volume. Even her closed kisses were amazing. Her spine tingled, they released softly. She was tempted to lean in for more, but Runa quickly stood up and walked to her shelf of CDs. 

While she stood still and looked at them with her strong back straight; Sofie watched her closely. Her profile was so beautiful, she tied her strong arms together, her rear and legs matched it. Sofie bit her lower lip and admired her quietly. Then Runa leaned forwards and grabbed a cover from the shelf, turned and started to empty her CD player, put in the new one. Sofie quickly took off her hooded sweater with jittery hands. She stood up and dragged down her pants before sitting down again. She removed her socks along with them bending over her feet. Before she straightened her back straight again, now only in her tanktop and panties. She caught Runa staring at her when she closed the hood on the CD player. Her eyes looked down on her legs, then slowly up her body. Sofie felt a static firm and hot emerge on her cheeks. Her belly trembled warmly against her spine, and gave her entire torso heat yet again. Somehow being looked at by her felt different than she expected. It actually felt good?

“You’re so beautiful Sofie.” Runa said softly, Her sweet words had her chest burst vividly with bliss. She stared back and grinned with her teeth. Runa seemed to have forgotten about the CD player. Sofie relished in her gaze and looked back, pulled off her tanktop slowly over her head, and let go of it on the floor. Runa’s eyes grew more focused again, and she bit her lower lip in silence.
“Runa, the CD player.” Sofie said while still grinning. Being observed by her was such a high, it was surprising. Everything truly was different when it came to her.
“Oh right.” Runa responded, Sofie giggled, then the music came on. It was loud, but was quickly turned down to an acceptable volume. Runa then turned around, quickly dragged off her sweater. Sofie observed her strong arms and blushed, Runa walked to the lightswitch, looked back at her and slowly turned it off. Sofie listened to the music, it took a few seconds before she felt her touch in the darkness. She jumped slightly, and embraced her hard. Felt so nervous, her laughter loosened so easily. They giggled together for a few moments, warm excitement emitted from her chest. She felt Runa feel her way to her face with her nose, it made her spine shiver.

Runa moved on top of her, she must have pulled off her tanktop too. Sofie lifted her hand and stroked her upper chest. Their lips met slowly, the hairs stood on her forearms. Her heart started to beat faster, she sighed and opened her mouth. Their tongues met at the tip, her spine shivered. Runa moved back and sat up. When Sofie touched her chest again, the sports bra was gone. Her bare skin was soft and warm, her nipples were already stiff on her soft perky breasts. Sofie kissed her hard, sat up and lifted her arms. While they still pecked each other, she dragged off her own bra quickly, they released and leaned closer into a hug. When their breasts met, her spine shivered again. To feel her against her body made hairs rise all over her arms. Runa had them lean down again. She pressed herself against her, felt Runa’s strong body on top of herself. She blushed and grinned in the darkness, their faces parted. Runa’s soft hand moved down to her breasts and caressed them carefully. Then they kissed deeply again. While her tongue circled her own, Runa’s hand started to pull gently at her nipple. She sighed hard, gentle tingling came from it. She moved her own hand down to Runa’s and pulled it gently in return. Runa released from the kiss, and moaned weakly against her mouth. Sofie grinned and noted to herself that she must really enjoy that.

She lifted both of her hands against them and pulled softly, bent down against Runa’s neck. She had her nose stroke against it for a few moments, then she leaned in closer, opened her mouth and licked it hard. Her strong neck was so soft and firm, finally she was feeling so much more of her. She repeatedly kissed and licked it, her tongue started tingling again. They both moaned so silently, it was hard to hear. She could feel her heavy breathing through her throat. Her groin started beating and emitting soft pleasure. Runa’s hand against her breast stroked harder, then she pulled her nipple intensely and repeatedly. That tingling feeling became stronger, in both her mouth and chest; it made the pleasure rise within her. She felt Runa panting above her, they started to slowly move their pelvises against one another. For a while they throbbed in slow motion, letting the tension and desire rise slowly. She quickly got used to her touch. But she wanted more, so much more. So she released, gently pushed Runa off and said:
“Come, let’s move further in?” She pushed her body back with her feet, felt Runa crawl above her, they giggled. Then Runa laid herself gently on top of her again. 

Quickly they kissed, yet again their tongues circled one another. The warmth and wetness of them made her spine shiver consistently. She pinched Runa’s nipples with her fingers, and pulled them harder repeatedly. She lifted her knee a bit, and felt Runa’s groin press against her thigh. Runa moaned in their kiss, the sound of it made her entire upper body boil from within. Her mouth tingled, and her spine shook and shivered, bolts shot up it so firmly she heaved. The conversation from yesterday rose in her mind, she wanted to fill her up with her touch. Make all the loneliness go away. She didn’t just paint her skin with her affection, but caressed against her inner being as well. The notion was so moving, she teared up. While moaning back, Runa started moving hard against her. Feeling her body move made her groin beam with gentle pleasure. She let go of her lips, moved her head down and licked her neck. Runa moved herself just a bit up, so she’d gain access to more of it. She moved her knee up to match it. Runa moaned again, now more strongly, her broad arms rested around her shoulders.
“Holy shit.” She said in a flabbergasted tone. And started moving against her slightly quicker, Sofie kept at it harder. She heard Runa start to moan properly, it didn’t take long for her muscles to tighten against herself. Their legs tied together, she felt pressure increase from Runa’s thigh against her. It made the pleasure increase, and rose within her surprisingly hard. She began to pant while her licks grew wider and harder. Her mind began to fade, and desire took control. She felt Runa start to shake atop herself, heard her moan above her head. Her thrusts became slower but harder. The pitch of her moan was intoxicating, and made her own muscles tighten more. The pleasure in her pelvis increased, her clitoris beamed gently with lingering pleasure. Runa’s moan grew higher in pitch, she could even hear it grow nasal for just a few seconds. She too moaned gently, licked her way up to her ear, nibbled hard on her earlobe, and bit it in her enthusiasm. Runa almost screamed for half a second, then she relaxed against her. 

Sofie let go and wrapped her arms and legs around her. Hers sank too, and they started panting against each other’s cheeks. She moved Runa to the side with her limbs, and pressed her face against her breasts. She could feel her heavy breathing rising and falling from her ribs. The music was just loud enough for the breathing to be overpowered by it. She licked around her stiff nipples, her groin still hummed with soft leftover pleasure. Runa’s arms wrapped themselves around her head, and held at her hair. The notion of her strong arms made her desire grow a little.

She lifted her other hand and pulled at the free nipple, bit down gently at the one against her lips. She heard Runa moan again, her skin was so damp. She moved her face further down, kissed and licked her salty sweat, it had gathered below her breasts and around her tummy. Her groin began to throb, the hum rose yet again. She lifted her other hand, and felt at both of her nipples, squeezed them hard with her fingertips. All while she licked her way down her stomach. She heard Runa moan while she stroked her hair. Her tongue tingled against her firm soft skin. It buzzed amidst the thin layer of sweat, made her upper body and face heat up so much; she swooned by the mental images of her glistening. Runa panted above her, she must enjoy this just as much. Sofie grinned against her moist skin, moved her tongue tip against it. Then she stopped before she reached her underwear, and panted while her groin beat with pleasure. She smiled, being this close to her groin made her own beat harder. Runa’s sweat and warmth was intoxicating. She had paused longer than intended, pecked her lower belly gently. Then she started kissing her way up to her breasts again, halfway there she stuck out the tip of her tongue and licked her continuously up to her chest. Runa’s breath heaved harder in a long low tone, it jittered very gently. She put Runa’s nipple in her mouth and licked it softly.
“Shit Sofie you make me want to.. “ Runa said so delightfully and panted, continued:
“..do it again.” Sofie rose her head from her chest, moved up to her face and kissed her slowly, their spit mingled between their closed lips. They tingled in the friction, she released and said:
“Yes, do me again.” She felt Runa’s shaky sigh against her mouth, her breath blew over her lower face. Then, in an instant, she was moved to the side and pushed down on her back. The reminder of her strength made her spine shiver and the pleasure grow. She groaned with frustration. Runa pushed their lips together hard, had their tongues meet eagerly. Right away she started moving her groin against her leg. They sat up, Runa’s strong arms wrapped around her back. Sofie pressed her hand between them and pulled at her nipple, while the other grabbed a strong hold against her moist back. They released, she moved her head down again and started licking her neck firmly.

“Mmm more.” Runa’s voice shook with a tone so passionate and eager, it made her entire spine glow in firm electric shivers. The hairs stood on her arms again, she licked her harder with her wide open mouth. This was apparently something Runa liked, it was almost funny how quickly she figured her out. Runa lost herself against her, she could feel it in the way she moved. Her entire body thrusted faster, seeming so inpatient. It was so satisfying, both in her body and mind. She couldn’t believe how easily she could make her feel so much desire, her chest glowed with happiness. While her groin beat with pleasure, she felt her mouth and tongue tingle warmly against her salty neck. Runa began to shake against her again, her entire body tightened against her. With jittering thighs, her arms pressed her harder around her back. Her moans were felt from inside her throat, and rose out her mouth above her own head. The pitch grew higher, her thrusts got further apart. Her strong arms clambered to her back desperately. Still sitting on the bed, the darkness felt so damp. This time around it seemed to be even better for her. Sofie grinned, moved her face down to where her shoulder began, as her own clitoris began to emit a denser pleasure in the added pressure; she bit down on her soft sweaty skin in frustration. Barely noticed doing so she bit her harder than intended. The pitch on Runa’s moan increased, and despite the music it was so sharp and bare.
“Sofi-aaah..” She said mid moan, and then her entire body tightened and jittered much harder against her. Her moan grew louder, became nasal and sharp. The music couldn’t hide any of it. The sound of it made her groin beam with heat, gave her spine strong hot quivers of bliss. Her clitoris emitted a surprisingly sharp pleasure, she orgasmed gently still, every sound and sensation stimulated her mind so vividly. She licked up her throat, met her ear and moaned against it, bit it again. Runa groaned and gasped, though eventually it faded, and they laid down again, with Sofie on her back again. Runa seemed to relax against her. 

She laid her face in her cleavage and breathed hard. Sofie wrapped her skinny arms around her upper back, and stroked at her curls. Runa’s hands still pressed between her own back and the duvet. She must be listening to her belting heart beating with vigor, Sofie grinned and relaxed against her. Runa giggled a bit, her tone sounded so baffled. And honestly, she was too. It was so easy to please them both. Whatever force compelled them to feel so good together, she welcomed it with all her being. The notion of giving her pleasure in the place where she had been hurt, was somehow moving. She breathed hard too, but Runa seemed way more exhausted.
“That was… how did you even..?” Runa asked amidst gasps. “Fuck that was really good, wow.” She continued in a bewildered tone. Though surprised about having so little self control as to bite her, Sofie grinned with pride and nervousness. If she didn’t like it she’d tell her after, right? 

She felt her desire linger, but she let Runa rest until her breath calmed down. The silence between them gave plenty of opportunities to mention it. She felt tempted to say sorry, but didn’t want to ruin the moment either. She stroked her hair and kissed her sweaty forehead. And sniffed it hard, smelled the sweet aroma of her hair and sweat. It made her stomach flutter. Eventually Runa lifted herself up, moved her hands away from her back and pressed their noses together.

“Sofie?” She asked gently, here it comes. In the high of the aftermath she felt bad for letting her impulses get the better of her. She sighed and readied herself to apologize.
“You liked that too, didn’t you?” Runa asked somewhat smugly. Sofie opened her eyes in the darkness, sighed hard with relief. She didn’t mind? So she smiled and relaxed against her properly.
“Yes I did.” She answered in the heat of her lingering desire, Runa stroked her cheek with her nose and lifted her leg up behind her. She felt her smile against her face.
“Good. Let’s see what else you like.” She said tenderly, leaned in and kissed her lips hard. 

Sofie pressed her arms hard around her shoulders. The desire rose, her spine beamed. And her tongue moved hard and swiftly inside her mouth. Runa must have noticed just how much she liked that, it made her lips and tongue prickle warmly like static. She opened her mouth wider, moaned while Runa circled her tongue slowly but hard. Spit gathered between them, her tongue was so wet, warm and slippery. She felt her broad hand move gently from her neck, to down the side of her body. It made her moan again, the hairs stood on her arms, Runa’s hand went down her thigh, then up again over her panties. The mere hint of a touch made her clitoris beat more. She moaned gently in a gasp.

Runa released, grinned against her with a sigh, then she moved down and began to kiss and lick her neck. It felt good, but not as good as anything to do with her mouth. Like a dazed creature seeking stimuli blindfolded, she found Runa’s free hand laying beside her head, and began kissing her fingers. 

Runa stopped licking her, moved her hand up from the sheets and stroked her fingers in front of her mouth. Sofie kept kissing them softly with closed lips, they prickled gently by every movement. Her breath heaved very gently, she felt her groin beat and hum with soft pleasure. Slowly Runa pushed two of her fingers inside her mouth. She moved her body up again, and seemed to face her in the darkness. It was embarrassing, but in the gentle fog re-emerging around her mind, it felt trivial. Quickly the pleasure rose slightly in her groin. Her fingers were broad and soft inside her prickling mouth, they began to circle against her tongue. She opened her mouth wider, felt Runa’s lips against her cheek. Her breath shook when Sofie moaned gently. The warm tingling grew stronger on her tongue, Runa’s other hand began to fondle her breast tenderly. Pulled at her nipple, it started tingling too, she moaned again. Then Runa moved closer and leaned against her cheek, spoke softly into her ear:
“Your mouth is so hot.” It sent a hard warm shiver up her spine, emitted heat inside her lungs and around her heart. Her blush prickled like static, desire grew stronger like a cloud of sulfur in her groin. And her clitoris beat so strongly, she felt herself dripping. She closed her mouth and began to suck on them eagerly. Runa started to kiss her cheek, pecked her down to her jaw, then below it. Kissed her way down to her breasts with her lips and tongue. Each movement down her skin had her spine quiver as the fog rose. She licked her breasts while Sofie held around her wrist. The cloud of desire felt dense and heavy, in bliss she began to pant properly. 

Slowly her two fingers started circling against her tongue, producing spit by each movement. The prickling and warmth rose, dazed her in the thick fog. Gently the tempo increased, the movements elongated, slowly going in and out, pricking against her lips. She groaned and swallowed, started heaving while her entire torso boiled hot. Her clitoris she felt, in dulled and distant surprise, started emitting flickering pleasure. Runa bit her nipple and pulled. She moaned, the tingling in her mouth grew to pleasure, the movements in and out increased in speed and intensity. She began to fade properly. Moving her hips against Runa’s upper belly, she spread her legs and held her lower body eagerly with them. Runa kissed and licked her way to her other breast, sucked on it before pulling it harder with her teeth. Her other hand pinched the remaining nipple, her chest glowed with tingling static. Runa started doing that repeatedly, all while her fingers gained the most delightful movements inside her sensitive mouth. Her pleasure grew so big and warm inside of her, that she barred her eyes open in the darkness. She was so surprised, it pierced through the fog, made her blush brightly around her entire face. The pleasure filled her up so intensely, nothing else mattered. Oh my god, she didn’t know she would like this. Didn’t know something so little, could ever make her fall over the edge. Runa bit her nipple gently, and held it up. The tingling rose to proper pleasure in both her nipples, a slow wave of titillating fire emitted gently from her groin. She fell deep into the fog, as if dense vapor gathered around her thoughts, dulling her awareness to mere inklings. Lost to it she groaned and moaned, impulsive in the darkness she felt it rise. The wave paused edging so near, teasing her with its stillness. She moved one of her hands off Runa’s wrist, gripped her hairline and held it gently. She heaved desperately in instinctual pelvic thrusts below her, and groaned in frustration awaiting the climax.

Finally it rose again, she gripped her hair more firmly. The pleasure grew sharper and more potent than anticipated, she moaned harder with lesser inhibition. Her mouth and breasts started emitting proper pleasure and warmth so seamlessly together, her torso boiled along with it. She arched her back while she moved her hips back and forth, her mouth opened wide around her fingers, she bent upwards. Her gaze lifted, she closed her eyes, felt the hum rise so intensely hard to its apex. In the safety of Runa’s touch she let go of her control, having already lost her will. She gripped her hairline harder and pulled, heard Runa moan as she faded into wide dense pleasure.

Her entire body shook, and her muscles tightened. In the friction of Runa’s thigh against her groin, she felt her clitoris burst with pleasure. Its intensity compared to her touching it gently and directly herself. She lacked the mental fortitude to be surprised anymore. So she simply moaned loudly, held hard around Runa’s wrist with one hand, pulled her hair with the other. Runa moaned harder away from her focus. Kept pinching at her nipple, and biting the other harder. The prickling pleasure from them made her orgasm rise just a bit more. She arched her back intensely and felt it take over completely for a few seconds. In the heightened state her moan grew nasal and sharp. It tightened around her spine and stomach, even slightly inside her vagina. She opened wider around Runa’s fingers and moaned loudly, drowning in warm tingling ecstasy.

Then it stopped, she relaxed and let go. Slowly she began to emerge from the fog, found herself breathing hard with Runa pressed against her neck. Her hand laid beside her ear, barely touching it. And her mouth breathed hard against her skin.
“Oh my god, I didn’t know that could even… from so little, I.. god damn.” Sofie said flabbergastingly and blushed, swallowed, realized her mouth and lips were wet with excess spit. Runa moved back and pressed their cheeks together. Sofie lifted her hands around her back and hugged her tightly.
“Me neither, that was fucking glorious.” Runa commented, clearly amazed as well. Sofie pressed her cheek against her neck, her entire face heated up. Embarrassment took over her chest, she started laughing frantically. Oh god, what even was that? The friction against her groin had been minimal, it really had only to do with her nipples and mouth? Still so exhausted, her laughter didn’t last for long, and she groaned her way out of it. Maybe it was because it was with her as well? Her broad fingers, her lips against her, hearing her moans, god. Even still she felt her groin beat and drip just by the thought of her.
“It must be you, making me like this.” She joked exhaustively, Runa let out a hardy laugh, only lasting a few seconds.
“Hey don’t blame me.” She responded amused, Sofie giggled a bit longer while feeling lightheaded, her breath began to calm down. She started to stroke Runa’s back more firmly, moved her face to the side and pressed her lips against her cheek. Her groin still beat, she felt her hand slowly move down from her collarbone to her belly, and up again to her breast. 

So quickly her desire reawakened. Her spine shivered, and her body shook just a little. She began to pant gently, Runa kissed her lips slowly, must have noticed her reaction, she grinned in the kiss and pressed her soft wet tongue inside. Sofie gasped as the tips met hard, became electric in her mouth. Her hand moved up and down between her hip and breast again, now harder. Sofie groaned in frustration, her groin beat in her craving desperation. Runa let go of her lips.
“Do you want more?” She asked in sharp excited whispers. Sofie nodded desperately as if she’d see it and groaned.
“Y-yess..” She replied with a jittery breath. Gently Runa leaned down to her neck and pressed her nose against her skin.
“So it can’t all be me, then?” She asked tenderly before kissing it. Sofie bit her lower lip, panted while her hands found her hair and stroked her curls. The hairs raised all over her arms again, while her stomach trembled so intensely like static.
“No but you, god.. ” She gasped as she spoke, her mind dimmed in mellow vapor yet again, made it hard to concentrate. Runa’s kisses containing gentle licks and careful bites traveled slowly down her chest. What were they even talking about? She forgot so easily, being this deep in the fog.
“You’re.. so.. hot.” She uttered with a low trembling voice, before Runa bit down gently on her nipple once more. The hum rose all over again, her spine bolted, she gasped in her steep panting and squirmed, and stretched her back in frustration. Runa chuckled against her skin.
“And you’re so tasty.” She commented in a whisper amidst gentle heaving breaths. Then she found Sofie’s other nipple and pinched it carefully, coordinating it with her lips and teeth. And so it started yet another time.

Her stomach fluttered hard as her spine and body shivered yet again. Proper soft pleasure emitted from her groin just like before. She felt her other hand press and stroke gently on her belly, and spread her legs on pure instinct and squirmed slowly again. The tension was so high, she almost became annoyed. Her skin glowed with heat and moisture, while her spine radiated like a furnace against her belly and breath. Runa’s hand pinching her nipple let go, and lifted slowly up to her neck. Sofie gasped and shivered by her light touch over her torso. Runa licked and bit gently between her breasts, and groaned happily as she pushed her thumb into her mouth. Sofie gasped harder, closed her prickling lips around it, and felt it stir against her tongue. Then Runa leaned up, and lowered her hand down her thigh. Her fingertips brushed against her panties and gave it tingling pleasure, her spine and breath trembled firmly because of it. It only lasted a moment, she felt the fog fall heavier around her. God that had felt good. She craved more in the darkness, while her spine burned with bliss. She felt Runa’s nose and breath against her cheek.
“Oh sorry.” She whispered in a shaky breath. Her hand paused on her thigh, Sofie heaved and whispered back in the darkness:
“Do that again.” She demanded in the fog, mumbling with her tongue below her thumb. Runa started moving her hand up and brushing against her panties again for just a moment, before pressing harder against her lower belly and moving up. Sofie gasped and moaned weakly, still with her mouth closed around her thumb. Runa pulled it out and held at her lower teeth, kept her mouth open as she heaved.
“Like this?” She asked so sweetly, let go of her mouth and rested it on her chin. Sofie nodded eagerly against her thumb. Runa’s other hand moved down, she could feel her trembling breath against her own. Their lips brushed together, and then she did it again. Moved her hand up from her thigh, barely touching her panties. Her groin tingled in light pleasure, she felt her thighs tremble for just a moment, and she moaned in her gasps.
“God Runa, more, faster.” She begged and groaned, Runa continued back and forth with her light touch, barely touching her. The pleasure erupted like a cloud in her groin, quickly it gathered in a brightly glowing bead. Runa’s thumb entered her mouth again, she opened wide around it. Lifted her torso while keeping her trembling legs open. Her belly and thighs tightened as the pleasure burst properly, engulfed her entire pelvis with gentle light. Glowing in hot sulfur right in the middle. The bead burst in tingling and light, her gaze lifted in the pleasure. She moaned close to her shaking breath, it turned nasal while her thumb stirred gently inside her mouth again. She gripped desperately around Runa’s shoulders and spasmed for just a few seconds.

She released from her thumb and gasped.
“Stop.” She groaned, Runa halted quickly, started stroking her chin tenderly, the gesture made her stomach flutter. She relaxed her entire body below her and chuckled, completely out of breath she was already soaked. Quickly her muscles ached, she chuckled and breathed deeply, let go of Runa’s shoulders and found her cheeks, stroked them with glee.
“Was that good?” Runa asked in such a proud tone, Sofie chuckled and nodded in the dark.
“Yes, that was.. surprisingly.. good.” She whispered exhaustively, still the cloud fogged her thoughts. Runa giggled and sighed.
“Well it didn’t take much.” She commented smugly.
“Not when it’s you.” Sofie responded and smiled broadly, found her lips amidst the moist darkness and kissed them firmly.
“I could say the same about you.” Runa murmured between their lips. Still Sofie breathed deeply through her nose, she opened her mouth and kissed her deeper. Gasped into her until her breath finally caught up with her. While feeling herself dripping inside her undoubtedly soaked underwear, she also felt her desire burn still. Amazingly, she still wanted more. So she released and hugged her closer.
“Runaaa.” She complained in a whimper. Runa giggled proudly, removed her thumb from Sofie’s chin, who then swallowed and sighed hard. She stroked both her hands against the back of Runa’s head. Her curls brushed softly on her fingers in the friction.
“I wanna do you now.” She continued, Runa still leaned against her lips in the darkness.
“Mmh yes, give it to me, beautiful.” She said smugly, seemed to relish in being desired. Sofie giggled and blushed hard, pressed their lips together as denser sizzling smog creeped up on her once more. It made her mind feeble against the forces of reproduction; ironically wasted on them both.
“God Runa.” She said as she sighed firmly, before continuing to kiss her back.
“Lift me up.” She demanded in whimpers, while their lips met in slow hard movements.

Runa moved her hands behind her lower back, lifted her up on her lap with such ease, they sat as their kiss deepened. Her shivering spine glowed like a fuse igniting, her breath shook and filled with hot sulfur. She groaned and pushed against her strong shoulders, moved her hips gently against her without realizing it. While the music played comfortably in the background, she leaned hard over her, pressed her down against the duvet. They adjusted their legs while heaving in the darkness. She pushed her tongue deep into Runa’s mouth, heard her gasp in a swallow and giggle. Quickly she felt her upper thigh press against her panties, the pleasure rose quickly. The fog of desire fell on her like a bucket of water, she tilted her head the other way, felt their tongues twist and mingle more intensely, it prickled vividly in her entire mouth. She groaned and whimpered, moved her pelvis hard against her thigh. 

One of Runa’s hands moved behind her back and stroked it firmly, while the other found her breast and rubbed it slowly. They moaned into each other’s mouths. That warm tingling sensation took over her mouth, the movements of her body happened faster in the fog, her body heaved as if she was starving. Her spine radiated like it was melting. Runa seemed lost to it too, she moved her hand down to her buttcheek and stroked it. All the sensations came together, like a slow wave made of liquid bright and burning, rushing against her entire torso and head. Runa pulled at her nipple, it all reached nearer the top, rose against the climax. It lingered just enough to make her more desperate, she kissed her harder and pressed herself against her. Groaned loudly and squirmed so desperately over her, Runa pulled harder on her nipple and moaned into her mouth. Sofie gasped, melted in sweats and tingling amongst harder thrusts. Then it finally happened again.

Her thighs and belly tightened, she curved her spine backwards. Lifted her face up automatically, and opened her mouth wide as their tongues met at the tips, and moaned. The pleasure glowed so hot, concentrated like a bead about to burst in her groin, softer pleasure swirled around her entire pelvis, she gasped desperately as it happened. The bead burst in like a flickering flame white as snow, making her spine shiver with lightning. Her breaths gathered and shook with loud desperation. While her gaze lifted in the darkness, the ecstasy gathered in the white bead, turned sharper. She moaned nasally and loudly, felt her face prickle as her skin buzzed. It somehow hit so deep, maybe the gentle touching before helped her along now? She kept it going, shook against her as the world closed in on her. Lost to it she had barely heard Runa moan too. She stretched along with it as it slowly went away, leaned back and bit her lower lip in frustration. Then she let go, collapsed over her and gasped hard. 

While the fog lifted she pressed her face against her neck, and heaved steeply. Her body was soaked and aching, hot and soaring. Runa stroked her back and giggled exhaustively. Sofie’s self-awareness came rushing back, she had moaned so loudly against her. Her face rose in warmth, fierce embarrassment made her giggle. She groaned in her weak chuckles, looking back picturing herself drooling with fingers in her mouth made her cringe. Oh god, no. She frowned her brows firmly in the darkness. God she must think I’m so weird! 

But remembering the feeling made her soar with bliss despite it all. Slowly that terrible cringe faded and her mind filled with wonder. They had such excellent chemistry, it was baffling. How was that even real? She continued to chuckle, her sense of self had faded in it all. She had become some primal being consumed by lust. Jesus christ, how was that possible doing so little? Her giggle turned into a flabbergasted laughter, not for a moment had she felt afraid, or uncared for. Not for an instant had she lost her safety when she lost her control, or even her mind. Tears gathered in her eyes. Everything had been so damn wonderful, in every way. Runa stroked her hair harder and hugged her tightly. Relief and pure joy made it continue slowly morphing into sobs. Her chest ached with potent joy, and her mind relished in the bittersweet realization. I’m free, I’m finally free.

“Are you doing okay Sofie?” Runa asked hurriedly, she nodded intensely and grinned. It touched against the tragedy in her sobs before changing back into flabbergasted laughter. Runa held her hard and kissed her neck. Somehow she must sense something was happening, what was even happening? She wanted to give her something better than a simple nod in the dark. So she concentrated on breathing, the giggling faded, as well as the aching. Finally she calmed down, panted against her skin as her tears dried up.
“I’m doing so good. ’Cause you're so damn wonderful.” Was all she could say to explain that bittersweet shock and joy, that feeling of intense euphoria and aching.

The music had stopped, the album must have run its course. Runa lifted her legs and had them stroke against her shins. Sofie let go of her shoulder with one hand and stroked her face instead. Her smile remained on her face in the darkness. 

It had been so beautiful, had been all about pleasing one another. She had melted in her safety and warmth, this is what it’s going to be like with her. Slowly her skin and face belonged to herself again. Gradually her breasts and groin gained deeper importance than something merely biological, or of being detached from herself. They became instruments of their bonding, of their pleasure and happiness. Her body somehow became her own again, the value of its curves and characteristics not a curse but a blessing. Runa’s skin and touch, kisses and movements remained on her body. Proving touch could be safe, strength could be comforting. Tears trickled down her eyes in the stillness. She realized the void in the shell could be filled, that the flesh could be reverted back inside her again. That it had happened just now, in the pleasure and warmth she had become re-filled once more. She wasn’t broken forever anymore, she could actually become whole again? 

The pin dropped in her mind, you can only help yourself. How many times the psychologist had said it when she refused to speak, or eventually asked to go home. Amund’s words rang like a chime signaling her rebirth. She had to know it was possible, and now she had to decide to actively do it. With Runa she felt, the burden would be lighter. Her kindness and safety, she realized, was what made it finally happen. She barred her eyes open in the darkness, her heart swelled as her spine beamed with potent warmth. It’s already happening, against her in this moment. 

“That was so...” She said, and failed to hide her quiet sobs. Runa moved both her hands from her back and held her face firmly.
“You really are crying? Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked with more stressful worry. Sofie nodded while their noses touched. Runa sighed and kissed her lips, then her tears in the dark. She moved her body around her and held her hard, Sofie pressed her face against her neck, and sniffled as she grinned. The sobs faded quickly, though the tears remained. Runa was the lighthouse she had walked towards, now that she finally was here she saw the road ahead. She had to pave it herself, but it was there. Hope entered her reason, not just her emotion. There it was. Her mind latched onto it so naturally, it had been hidden for so long. 

“Yes, it’s just that… Still I’m so amazed how sweet you are, I didn’t know I could feel that good either, or safe. You’re changing everything.” She said in a baffled whisper. Runa chuckled and stroked her hair, said amused:
“Oh is that all?” Sofie lifted her head and laughed, Runa stroked her cheek with her nose.
“So are you, you’re shaping me anew.” She said carefully. Sofie nodded eagerly, and teared up. She really felt it too? How her very own flesh and bones, mind and spirit had melted in the burning fire that was their passion. Now lingering in the aftermath, still hot against her vivid and compassionate being. She wasn’t an animal of pain and suffering anymore, but tenderness and warmth. Reshaped in a mold being poured liquid metal into, emerging anew indeed. A revelation beyond compare, a life before, and now, a life after.
“Me too.” She sobbed quietly. Runa held her harder to herself, murmured against her ear:
“Oh there there now, Sofie.” Her tone was soft and comforting, made her sob mellow in her bliss. Sofie lifted her arms around her entire head, sniffled and smiled.
“You make me so hopeful and happy.” She commented, she felt Runa smile against her cheek, she groaned happily as she said:
“Mmh good, me too, I hope I get to spend every day with you.” Sofie grinned and blushed hard. Was that a hint? Did she want them to be together? It was hard to say. If she asked this early she’d surely get rejected. So in her cowardice, she sighed and said:
“Me too, each day would be happy with you.” They had cooled down enough, she felt impatient to look at her. Her words and touch still made her chest glow with bliss. 
“Can we turn on the light? I wanna look at you.” She complained. Runa giggled, and they started to move further to the side, and huddled beneath the covers. Then Runa moved her body back and turned on the light. 

In an instant the light dazzled her, but she grinned and opened her eyes. The covers didn’t reach up to their chests this time, she looked down at her brown perky breasts. They glistened with their combined sweat. Her small dark nipples were not erect, but relaxed against her breasts. Her arms quickly moved back to her and over her shoulder. Runa looked down at her chest, sighed and bit her lip, then met her eyes again with focused tenderness. Quickly she pressed them close and said:
“I really could look at you forever, if you’d let me.” She joked softly, Sofie grinned with her teeth, moved her arm down below her shoulderblades and pressed her closer. Another hint? She lifted her thigh and knee up against her hip, pressed the backside of her shin against her rear and thigh. Runa caressed her shins against her remaining leg, their noses rubbed together. Sofie blushed hard against her face.
“Gosh Runa, I hope you will.” She replied, started tearing up again for just a second, Runa closed in and pressed their lips together. Kissed her hard with her closed mouth, as if to kiss her tears away. She released and frowned.
“Oh Sofie.” She whispered back, pressed her as close as she possibly could with both her arms and legs. Sofie giggled with tearful eyes, and sniffled.
“Already today is so different.“ Runa said eagerly.
“So this is what a normal day with you is like?” She asked so tenderly and sighed. Sofie blushed and giggled, pressed her face against her cheek, answered with glowing bliss in her mellow chest:
“Mmmm yes, Imma make you so happy.”
“You already are.” Runa responded amused and smirked, bit her lower lip. Sofie grinned back with hot cheeks and leaned in, and pecked her repeatedly. 

Runa grabbed a strong hold at her shoulder and moved her other hand down to her rib, tickled it. Sofie’s stomach fluttered, her heart started to beat hard in her chest again. She laughed long and hard in bright bliss. And observed Runa’s expression close to her face. She stared at her with wide eyes and a bright smile. She felt heat rise harder in her cheeks. The moment it started to calm down Runa moved in and pressed their lips together firmly. She kissed her back, they pecked each other repeatedly. Soon enough it calmed down and they grew silent in each other’s arms. Their noses touched, the heat still lingered inside her. She lifted her hand and stroked behind Runa’s neck, and she in return started scratching her lower arm carefully. It was so easy to joke with her, but it was even easier to relax with her. She closed her eyes and sighed with happiness. This far, today has been the best day she has had in a really long time, maybe ever.

-

After a while she kissed her cheek and got out of bed. She felt faint, happy and hungry. Wandered nearly naked and dazed out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. Though she hadn’t looked back, she knew Runa stared at her from behind. She had expected to feel something bad being so naked in front of someone again, the moment it didn’t happen she realized; she was testing it. But Runa somehow made her feel so safe, the notion kept her grinning blissfully while closing the door and locking it.

As she peed on the toilet she sighed and grinned, of course it felt different with her. She actually cared about her wellbeing. Never before had she felt so much in control while being so naked. While she wiped off her wet vulva along with her urine; it dawned on her. Just like Runa said earlier today, she finally had something good to compare it to now. She had a window into what it’s supposed to be like. No wonder she was crying so much, she finally truly began to move beyond it. Her eyes teared up again, she stood up and pulled up her white panties. Flushed the toilet and washed her hands. She stared at herself in the mirror, at her blue eyes. Maybe she wasn’t a primate, a biological machine, or nerves on a tube of flesh? She was a being, made to feel and experience while also looking inwards. Witnessing itself, maybe she truly was an observer? Moving out through her eyes she could feel her body, a true extension of her mind while also separate to it. Against Runa her body was a blessing, a salvation. Looking into her eyes, observing her feelings, listening to her words; it felt sacred. She sighed happily in the realization, dried off her hands on the towel hanging beside the sink.

When she exited the room Runa waited outside fully dressed. She lifted her big hand and pressed at her cheek, stared down at her bare skin. Her white panties, her heavy breasts hanging from her pale skinny body. Runa’s eyes looked up and faced her with focused tenderness, a soft smile and a weak head tilt. Her spine shivered, gazing into her beautiful strong mind.
“You’re so beautiful Sofie.” She murmured and leaned in, kissed her lips quickly as she felt her entire face blushing. Her stomach fluttered against her beaming spine. Then Runa let go of her cheek, and walked into the bathroom, closed the door after herself. She heard the toilet lid dunk, and walked into her bedroom again. 

Runa had turned on the ceiling light, she looked down at the floor. Her clothes had been thrown about. She grinned, bent down and picked them up, hung them on her arm and sat down on the bed. She started with her bra, then tanktop, she pulled the jeans over her feet before standing up and inclosing them over her thighs and waist, buttoning and zipping up. After, she laid down on the bed belly, sighed happily. Stretched her neck and arms while she groaned in ever lingering euphoria. She turned around and stared up at the ceiling, sighed deeply and smiled to herself. That tension she had felt nagging her with the need for her touch had faded, she felt calm and completely content. Runa walked in and smiled warmly at her, walked over to the bed and crawled over her. Sofie giggled and lifted her hands, stroked her neck and shoulders. Runa leaned down and kissed her lips, before moving against her neck and sighing hard. She too seemed happy and calm, Sofie lifted her arm from her shoulder and stroked her arm again, closed her eyes and grinned. Her entire torso was warm with joy. So this is what it felt like to actually fall for someone? She wanted to beg her, plead to be her girlfriend. Her insecurity made her hesitate, if she asked too early she’d probably say no. She sighed and decided to just say yes when she asked her, stroked her back and lowered her face, kissed her forehead lost in thought. If she asked her, despite her hints she could not ever ask her. The thought alone made her chest hurt. She frowned, forced herself past that. Runa might think if she never asked, that she didn’t want to be with her. That’s worse. Maybe she’d give them a week together first? Monday next week, that could work? She smiled to herself, nodded against Runa’s hair. Yes, Monday was perfectly symmetrical on their timeline, it felt even in a way that calmed her, she sighed and smiled. Though she felt tempted to bend down and whisper in her ear: ‘I’m already yours’. But instead she lifted her hand, stroked her hairline back, Runa closed her eyes and smiled.
“Mmm.” She groaned happily.
“What are you thinking about?” Sofie asked gently. Runa opened her eyes, lifted her brows and seemed amused by her incoming answer.
“We should have a better name for it than; it or do me.” She replied. Sofie giggled and blushed. So that’s what she’d been thinking about? Her stomach fluttered, she was so cute. She let go of her hairline, lowered her hand near Runa’s chin. Let her fingers rest on her soft dark skin.
“Yeah, maybe we should.” She mumbled back in gentle bliss.
“Although you can keep saying do me any time you want, beautiful.” Runa joked so smoothly, lifted her head further up and raised her brows with a wide smile. Sofie leaned back and laughed hard with warm cheeks, stroked the curls over her forehead while feeling slightly embarrassed. Runa’s grin widened, her big brown eyes softened. Almost every time she laughed, her gaze softened. Somehow, knowing her laughter made her feel good made her proud. Sofie stopped giggling, looked her in the eyes, compared to whatever horrible darkness had weighed her down yesterday, her own laughter seemed so trivial. Runa sighed happily and tilted her head, but she really made her happy just by laughing?
“Duly noted.” Sofie responded, Runa leaned down on her, kissed her cheek.
“How about rubbing?” She suggested, Sofie looked at her and grinned with tight brows, it didn’t feel right. Runa went into character, and put on a seductive persona, said with exaggerated pronunciation:
“Ooohhh Sofie, my darling, won’t you rub me?” Sofie burst into more genuine laughter, moved both her hands forward and squeezed her cheeks together.
“Noo.” She said. Runa grinned.
“Jock me? Won’t you jock on me Sofiee?” She added playfully. Sofie giggled, bit her lower lip and lifted her brows at her. She was making it sound so frivolous, even slightly animalistic. And maybe it was? Though it had felt exceedingly meaningful, presumably for them both.
“No you’re right, that doesn’t sound very hot.” Runa continued without her saying anything. Sofie looked up and searched inside herself. It didn’t have to be very complicated, just something vaguely descriptive.
“Hmm.” She said, rubbed her hands against Runa’s cheeks, who closed her eyes and grinned at the gesture.
“How about; move against me? Or is that no better than; do me?” Sofie suggested, and looked down at Runa again, whose eyes now opened and widened.
“No, that could work.” She went into character again, this time more genuinely and said softly with gentle eyes:
“Oh Sofie, won’t you move against me?” Sofie grinned and blushed, tilted her head and stroked her cheeks more tenderly.
“Well, aren't you tempting?” She joked, Runa grinned.
“So it works then? Good.” She responded. She lowered her face and pressed it against her neck again, Sofie wrapped her arms around her head and pressed her closer, groaned and smiled. Her stomach fluttered in the calmness of this quaint and quiet house. They still had an hour before anyone else arrived, she grinned wider and looked down at her.
“Oh Runa, won’t you move against me again?” Runa lifted her head and stared down at her, her gaze tender and eager.
“Oh wow it really does work.” Sofie said, giggled and lifted one of her hands, tucked a few curls behind her ear, Runa pressed her face against her hand quickly and sighed. Kissed her fingers gently. Sofie observed her with warm cheeks, and bit her lower lip as she smiled with her teeth. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, it made Runa stop and look down before grinning and staring up at her.
“We should probably eat something.” She said softly. Sofie nodded.
“Yeah.” She agreed. Runa turned around with her still in her grip, lifted her knee and wrapped her leg around her hip and rear, she felt herself blushing by the reminder of her strength. 
“You’re so cute.” She said enthusiastically, her eyes were wide and energetic. The sullen tiredness from yesterday was completely gone. Sofie held her face, her inner strength was so immense. Though she probably wasn’t over it, she seemed to move past it so gracefully.
“So are you.” She responded, rubbed her cheeks and pouted at her. The way her cheeks gathered and pressed against the corners of her mouth somehow made Sofie’s stomach flutter. She grinned and looked at her playfully. Her eyes were focused and warm as she raised her brows and played along.
“Aww you’re just so adorable.” Sofie added with glee, leaned her head down and pecked her lips. Runa gripped around her head, turned them both around in one fell swoop. Sofie landed on her back, gasped as she jumped before laughing, Runa pressed their faces together and groaned happily. Her hand moved down and tickled at her ribs, she stared down at her with wide happy eyes, Sofie started laughing while blushing intensely. It all started so quickly, she closed her eyes and pressed her close, held around her head and yelled:
“Runaaaa!”

*
 
While she herself had eaten three slices of bread with butter, cheese and cucumber slices. It seemed Sofie had a sweet tooth, and ate just one with strawberry jam. Apparently they had the kind she liked, being mashed enough to be squeezed out a tube. While hearing her describe how the soft lumps in normal jams would make her gag, Runa had put the kettle on, and prepared two cups of Earl Grey tea, with milk and sugar for them both. It had felt oddly thrilling to eat with her by the kitchen table again, having them joke and chatter while chewing and drinking from their cups. It felt so domestic, and yet so exhilarating. Watching her eat, making her smile, reaching for her hand across the table, her own touch being welcomed so effortlessly. A part of her felt she could do that indefinitely with her. Observing her tender gaze and listening to whatever she had to say, eating meal after meal with her. Breakfasts, dinners, suppers, with her it’d all have this wow factor, she reckoned. Somehow how she chewed was quite adorable as well. Watching her do anything at all felt so blissful, it was hardly surprising anymore, but it still made her smile.

The sky had opened seemingly just for them, Sofie had insisted they got some fresh air. By now Runa longed to be in her embrace again, so she had grabbed a pile of blankets from the couch, and gone with her out on the porch. The heavens were bright blue in the sun, still it warmed her skin despite it being fall. Though the wind was still chilling, she didn’t mind it too much. Especially when it made Sofie’s pretty blonde hair wave so beautifully. The old wooden planks on the porch were dry, they walked over it only in their socks, and sat down on a wooden bench against the wall near the windows. A table of glass and metal stood in front of it. Its edges were soft, the metal painted in black swirled beneath the glass around the legs. They huddled together with their feet up, wrapped themselves in the numerous woolen and fleece blankets. Though seated beside each other with their knees up, Runa moved her arm around Sofie’s shoulders and pressed her close. They both had put their black hooded sweaters back on. While getting so warm and comfortable they stared out at the shore. Some of it hid behind the red fence covering the porch, but most of the sea around them waved gently, and reflected sunlight in calm glimmers. The sound was deep and wide, slow and soothing. The air was salty, still a few seagulls from afar screamed, but she didn’t mind that either.

“I wish we lived this near the ocean.” Sofie commented in soft tones, Runa nodded and smiled.
“Yeah it’s really nice, I fall asleep more easily because of it, I’m sure.” She commented, Sofie smiled, nodded and responded amused:
“I would too.” For a few moments they lingered in the silence, listened to the ocean waves.
“But isn’t the view really nice from where you live too?” Runa asked and turned her head, stared at her pale smooth face, her small gentle nose and big blue eyes. She blinked, moved her pale lashes down and up. Most girls used mascara to darken and lengthen their lashes, she didn’t mind one bit that Sofie didn’t. The skies reflected in her irises, the sight of it gave her cheeks warmth and prickling. Made her stomach tighten in flutters, pushing warmth against her spine. Sofie sighed within her full lips, looked down.
“Yeah, it’s a shame but I’ve gotten so used to it. I haven’t enjoyed the views properly for a while now.” She said rather somberly, so Runa leaned in and kissed her cold cheek, Sofie raised her gaze and faced her, smiled gently.
“You seem to enjoy this view.” Runa commented, Sofie grinned with her teeth. While her upper lip stretched and thickened above her straight white teeth, she observed her cheeks pinking up just a bit. Sofie continued:
“Yes, views, music, food, already I seem to enjoy everything a bit more. It’s not hard to see why.” The comment gave her flutters and prickles yet again, shone warmth in her torso and cheeks. She raised her brows at her, in her surprise she grinned and chuckled lightly.
“Not because of me?” She asked in awe, but felt she knew the answer. Sofie nodded eagerly, the pink in her cheeks rose in intensity.
“Well of course it’s because of you.” She answered with vigor, stared straight at her with a tender gaze. She lowered her brows and seemed to focus just on her.
“It’s like I’ve come up for air, even when you’re not there.” She added softly in a deep tone, Runa gathered her lips, lifted her left hand from beneath the blankets and stroked her smooth right cheek. Knowing this felt like a gift all in itself, giving her belly and breath glowing happiness.
“That’s amazing. I feel it too, actually, or well..” She said and looked down, her own cheeks prickled hotter.
“It’s more like I’m finally breathing air that’s actually happy for a change.” She added rather clumsily, sighed and looked up at her again. Sofie’s eyes and smile widened, her vividly blue irises were so beautiful in this bright light. Amidst her focus and majesty, the mere sight of it had her spine tingle gently yet again.
“I feel that too.” Sofie said quickly, before she leaned in and pressed their dry lips together. Runa closed her eyes, concentrated on them moving slowly and gently, turning wet by each other’s spit. Her spine quivered stronger, had her sigh timidly for the few seconds it lasted.

When they released she moved her hand from her cheek, and pressed her thumb against her lower lip. She looked down at it, her mind fell back to all the sensations in the darkness. Feeling her mouth with her fingers, so wet and warm, hearing her heave and moan. Just thinking about it gave her pelvis firmer heat. She bit her own lower lip, relished in her memories already. Sofie tightened her brows, seemed unsure about something. Against her thumb she started speaking softly:
“You don’t think it was weird, you know.. with my mouth and all?” She felt insecure about it? The notion somehow felt comedic, had her chuckle quickly in a sharp sigh, before she shook her head. Their gazes met with focus yet again, she smiled and lowered her thumb to her chin, and stroked it gently.
“No, I meant what I said back there.” Those words fell into her mind, ‘your mouth is so hot’. She seemed to like it, she remembered vividly feeling her hand being kissed. And followed where it led her. She had moaned so delightfully too, the mere memory made her spine quiver. It had been surprisingly loud and sharp by the end, Sofie had said she was surprised by it as well. Though she wanted to be sure.
“You liked it though, right?” She asked carefully, Sofie’s entire face brightened into pink, while her cheeks reddened. She looked down and bit her lower lip, and nodded slowly.
“Yes.” She whispered hesitantly. “I’m kinda embarrassed, but I did really like it.” She added carefully still looking away. Runa lifted her thumb to her lower lip and stroked it gently, gazed down at them while feeling how soft it was. Just imagining it gave her groin warmth. How her beautiful lips would grip her fingers, or open around them to moan in an undoubtedly delightful expression. What her tongue so warm and smooth would look like, while poking out her mouth, still being touched. Runa bit her lower lip and frowned her brows in the rising tension.
“That’s so good.” She spoke unintentionally tenderly, while sighing deeply in rising frustration. Her lust jumped off her tone so obviously, it was almost embarrassing. Sofie’s eyes met hers with focus, she grinned and lowered her head, the pink in her cheeks reddened. In the midst of her imagining it, her mind fooled her and showed her herself instead. Showed her that moment where Sofie bit down against her neck, what it had done to her. How she had groaned and moaned so firmly while feeling slight pain. Even when Sofie had pulled her hair she enjoyed it. Although it seemed neither held back just to try and figure out what they liked, it had still surprised her.

She felt her belly tighten, cringe pressed around her spine, she grinned widely with burning cheeks and looked away.
“I could ask the same about the.. biting, or hairpulling.” Sofie leaned her head back, her entire face turned pink. She giggled in a firm tight laughter, rolling so beautifully as always.
“I feel kinda bad for doing that, actually.” She responded so sweetly in her fluster, Runa looked back at her, grinned stiffly. It felt so weird to talk about it.
“You do?” She just had to ask, despite her embarrassment. Sofie looked down at her lips, frowned her brows.
“Yes, I know we were trying things out and all. But still, I was so caught up in the moment I didn’t ask permission. So I wasn’t sure if you even liked it.” She added hesitantly, it was still endearing enough to make her chest mush. Sofie really was good-hearted even within her lust, it seemed she already knew the things Harrald told her two days ago. Runa lifted her hand from her chin, stroked her bangs covering her right eye. Slowly she tucked it back behind her ear. Her pale locks were velvety and comforting. Runa looked down to the side, gazed at the brightly red wooden walls cladding her home. Her mind showed her the bite, though it was a dark blur. Her body tightening in firmer pleasure by it, despite it being painful. Fuck, is that even a thing? Kind of liking pain? She had never felt that way when being beat up or harmed in any way. This was apparently different. She sighed hard and looked down, felt so damn weird, as if she was depraved in some way. That all that torment had ruined her mind somehow. Her stomach sank in the silence, quiet shame filled within her lower chest. Though Sofie didn’t seem to mind it at all, nor had she commented on how weird she it was. Maybe she held back on how she felt. Or perhaps with her, it would be okay?

Sofie stared back at her with wide worried eyes, awaiting her response. She felt obligated to at least let her know she had enjoyed it, just so she wouldn’t feel bad.
“Oh, well, I did.. like it, though it was surprising, and I don’t know how I feel about it.” She added with a tense spine. Sofie lifted her hand from the blankets, and stroked her left cheek gently. It made her raise her gaze, their eyes met. Sofie tightened her brows at her, seemed to still feel bad about it.

“I’m sorry.” She responded so genuinely. Though she wished it to be so, they couldn’t both be perfect at this from the get go, she realized. So she sighed and grinned, smiled to her and said:
“Oh Sofie, it’s fine, now we know, right?” Sofie grinned back at her, sighed out through her small soft nose, she looked so relieved already.
“How about I make sure to not do it again, unless you tell me to, whenever you’re ready?” She asked after so sweetly, Runa’s tense stomach loosened, she sighed hard and nodded, smiled back at her.
“Yeah, okay.” She responded, leaned in quickly and pecked Sofie’s now dry lips again. Still embarrassed she released and turned her head quickly, stared out at the sea.
“Though the hairpulling was okay, just not too hard.” She said nearly in a whisper.
“Okay, that’s good.” Sofie whispered back.
“And maybe ask me again before biting my ear?” She added further, Sofie nodded and looked away to the other side.
“Of course.” She responded just as quietly.
“And.. as long as it’s dark, you can touch my mouth all you want.” She said as well, speaking so shyly it became adorable, Runa turned her head and looked at her. While gazing down her pale long lashes showed better, still her cheeks were bright pink. She bit her lower lip seemingly with tension. Observing her softened her chest with warmth. She nodded and stroked her brightly pink cheek. 

Though still feeling embarrassed, talking about it felt calming. Somehow in the mists of lust and heat, they were figuring this out together. She remembered the feeling she got when talking about it with Harrald. Despite mostly hinting at it, a warm sense of security had risen high in her belly and chest. She felt it again, though more dense and warm amidst her ever deepening affection and crush: It too gave her a firmer notion within, the bond of trust was tightening. By now she imagined, several golden threads had weaved themselves inside the rope, not only tying them together, but securing her to this world. Making her want to stay as long as she possibly could, now with Sofie by her side.

However embarrassing for them both, it seemed them both relished in the notion of security. Runa grinned proudly, feeling herself being desired had been so affirming. She really was different when with her. Every sensation and laugh was so beautiful. Joking with her amidst it all had been so fun, holding her after and being stroked felt like coming up for air. As they both had willingly dunked into the hot water, now warm and exhausted above the surface, they were resting together. Everything about her was such a breath of fresh air. Wind blew in her face, grounded her to the present again.

In the silence she had let her shoulders relax completely. It was effortless to remain at ease, amongst the soothing waves rushing into the gray shore. Embracing her on the bench, and huddling together on the porch. Beneath blankets they warmed each other and it felt serene. Sofie’s hand moved behind her neck, stroked her skin and hair gently. Runa grinned and closed her eyes, her touch pressed so delightfully, gave her even more peace of mind. It seemed like a hidden talent of hers, touching her to her core to keep the tenderness still. Yesterday came to mind, holding her on the floor in the livingroom, listening to the waves and the music. Despite still being both upset and in pain, her touch and presence calmed it all down. It felt like a revelation, having someone so good soothe her so effortlessly. What a waste of time it had been, being without her for months. With all the pain and suffering she had endured, her new environment up there had been so unnecessarily cruel to her. She frowned her brows in anger, regretting ever walking into that little hell on earth.
“I should’ve stayed at your school.” She commented impulsively. Sofie leaned her forehead against the side of her head, and nodded gently.
“I get what you mean.” She said in a low soft voice. “I feel I should’ve spoken up right away. Then maybe I’d be sent there back in ninth grade. Even if I didn’t go to your class, I’m sure we would’ve..” Runa leaned her head back, and laughed vividly just by the thought. Her physically weaker self, grumpy and angry and defensive, still being coddled by her parents. It felt like a child compared to now.
“Oooh, I don’t know if you would’ve even liked me back then.” She commented quickly, interrupting her. Sofie grinned beside her, leaned in and kissed her cheek.
“You don’t think so?” She asked amused, Runa shook her head and looked over at her. Fast her mind flooded with numerous memories. Of her yelling and swearing, though bullied still she wasn’t exactly pleasant to those watching either. She remembered that fury, of everything feeling unfair and hopeless. So angry at the world she seeked to destroy it. Shoving desks and throwing chairs. Her puny body being constantly tight and hard around her neck and back. Hearing even then how ugly she was, being told her face and body was enough to commit suicide over. She frowned her brows hard at the thought, how dumb she had been to refuse to go to the psychologist around then, feeling stuck in the way people treated her. ‘How am I supposed to get better, when everyone hates me?’ She had asked him, though he tried to explain she wouldn’t listen. There had been a wall, so she convinced her parents she was fine. The appointments stopped. And instead she was left alone, attempting to fight through it all on her own, with such destructive fury. Not a time she was exactly proud of, a furious overgrown child so destructive and unstable. But half way through the school year she had started working out, and it finally calmed something inside her. Though she was foulmouthed and defensive still, it felt more like a direct response to injustice.

“No I was.. not doing well, so angry and messy and mean.” She said firstly. Sofie frowned and shook her head.
“You were bullied then too, right?” She asked gently, though she knew the answer. It felt more like a request to add to it. Runa nodded and looked down.
“Well yes.” She replied. ”Sure I was treated horribly no matter what, but I didn’t react well to it. I fought back so hard, made them dislike me even more. I was so furious all the time, towards pretty much everyone.” She continued, Sofie stroked her nape further, commented with a stiff smile and frowned her brows firmly.
“Being angry about it is understandable.” She said, and looked down at her lips.
“Yes it is.” Runa responded firmly. “But I really was horrible and destructive, because I felt so helpless, and thought everyone was out to get me, which to be fair, many were. But still, I’m not exactly proud of how I was back then.” She sand and sighed firmly and hard, before she looked up at Sofie again. She flipped her blonde lashes up and met her gaze. Her bright blue irises had a ring around them in deeper blue, the details of the lines showed better in this light. Her eyes looked a bit more glossy than usual. She frowned hard with her beautiful lips. It seemed she wasn’t put off by knowing more, but rather, felt sorry for her. It was a relief, so she continued with more ease:
“No matter who I told, it still came from.. everywhere. I think they insisted I’d go to GC2 ‘cause they didn’t know what to do about it, or me.” Sofie moved her hand forward from her neck, gripped her cheek firmly and looked down.
“That’s so sad.” She commented sullenly, whatever good mood they had bathed in, was yet again ruined by herself. It couldn’t all be happy, when she had been miserable for so long. Talking about it was a sad affair, there was no way to spin it to be joyous without lying.
“You probably wouldn’t have liked me at all, is my point. Sorry I didn’t mean to bum you out.” She uttered apologetically, Sofie smiled and looked up, said softly:
“I might still have liked you from afar.” Runa grinned and shook her head.
“Nah, I wasn’t even strong back then, didn’t start working out until halfway through the school year. I was a puny angry little thing.” She said back and grinned, chuckled to make it less sullen. Her mind started flickering vividly with a specific memory, of her little angry self jumping in the way of this poor kid about to be beat up.
“I think the only good thing I ever did back then, was that I defended this kid from being absolutely beat in by a bunch of tenth grade boys. I mean, he was my age but he looked like an actual kid, he had no fucking chance.” She hurriedly said after, Sofie smiled with her teeth again. That stunning glimmer of warmth returned to her eyes. A gust of wind blew over them and loosened her bangs from her ear. Runa lifted her hand and tucked it behind it again.
“You did?” She asked surprised. Runa nodded and chuckled just a bit more.
“Yeah, but it was more like I stumbled over it happening, throwing myself in it in blind anger. It wasn’t this sweet heroic thing, I was just fighting every which way I could.” She just had to say, Sofie lowered her brows in pity while still smiling, tilted her head so elegantly still with tenderness in her gaze.
“Oh, well. At least you defended someone, that’s something.” She said nearly apologetically, Runa nodded and looked to the side, towards the shore. If she remembered correctly, he was in 9A, which would be Sofie’s class now, she narrowed her eyes and thought hard. What was his name again?
“He’s in your class I think, his name was..” She said and tightened her lips.
“Arild, Amund, no it was; Aartur?” Sofie straightened her neck, her eyes grew wide.
“Artur?” She asked quickly, Runa nodded, grinned by her enthusiasm. Her cheeks prickled yet again just by looking at her.
“He’s the one seated next to me. You know, the one I said was alright.” She responded rapidly, Runa moved her arm back away from her shoulders, gripped her head with both hands.
“Oh wow, so he’s kind to you then?” She asked happily, felt joy rise in her breath.
“Yeah, we’ve talked a bit, he seems nice. And he has defended me a couple of times. Yelling in protest if someone is directly mean to me.” Sofie answered with glee, suddenly the reality of being in that classroom came back to her again. The terror she must feel, the uncertainty facing her every day, all while having anxiety and panic attacks. But she wasn’t all alone in there. Runa sighed hard with relief.
“So he’s watching over you then?” She asked enthusiastically, leaned in and started pecking her cheek, it rose to pink as she did. Sofie started laughing so beautifully, nodded and closed her eyes.
“Yeah, I think so.” She said amidst it all, Runa leaned in further and hugged her tightly, pressed her cheek against her soft hair and closed her eyes.
“Good, that’s such a relief.” Sofie giggled, and hugged her back hard.
“You don’t have anyone like that in your class, do you?” She asked back, by every word her tone sank into low somberness. Runa shook her head and opened her eyes, stared at the red painted fence, and the blue ocean and gray shore between the openings of the planks. Quickly Sofie leaned back and stroked her shoulders, said smugly with a gentle gaze:
“Well if I was there, I’d defend you every time.” Runa grinned, even if her anxiety might stop her, she didn’t doubt she’d try. So she nodded and responded quickly:
“I bet you would.” Sofie chuckled with wide eyes and nodded, let her go completely and said quickly:
“Yeah I’d be like..” Then she sat further back, the blankets stretched between them. Opened them to the wind. She stretched her arm forward and showed Runa her wide palm, signaling to stop, and sang off key like a child with glee:

“Stop! Don’t bully.” Then she gathered her palm except her thumb and index finger, shook it exaggeratedly and continued:
“This here is my friend. Don’t do any nonsense, my friend is good as gold. I just wanna tell youuuu.” The melody and lyrics were instantly recognizable, a parody of something that would often play directly after a dedicated children’s program, on air every Saturday on NRK. An advert of sorts, to prevent bullying. A completely toneless and cringe song and video, with those exact movements done by a group of kids in all ages from six to twelve, singing it off tune to whimsical instrumentals. Immediately she started laughing hysterically, leaned her head back while feeling her stomach tightening. Imagining Sofie doing that in front of her wretched GC2 bullies, somehow made it even more hilarious.
“Holy shit Sofie.” She said as she wheezed in her laughter. Sofie joined her, with her laugh rolling in raising and falling tones, turning their laughter into a beautiful song. When she finally got a handle on herself, she gripped Sofie’s shoulders and leaned in on her cheek, said gleefully in hard irony:
“Oh yes, that’ll do it for sure.” Sofie frowned happily, spoke back in a playfully serious tone:
“If only I could go up there and sing that song, that’ll solve all of your problems.” Runa chuckled just a bit more, before they both sighed deeply and hard. Sofie moved her hand to her cheek, stroked it with a sad gaze.
“If only it could.” Runa whispered sullenly, Sofie nodded and looked down. Silence loomed, what else was there to say? So Runa tightened her lips and smiled, leaned in and kissed her cheek gently, before she spoke against it:
“But if you had arrived there in ninth grade, I’d for sure like you from afar.” Sofie grinned while still looking down.
“Hmmm, yes, maybe you would have.” She responded softly, lifted her bright blue gaze.
“I’m sure I’d like you too, despite it all. You’d still have your pretty face, and beautiful eyes.” She continued so tenderly, Runa felt her chest warm up, and her tired stomach fluttering. Sofie pressed her palm against her own hand, still firmly on her face, her cheeks pinked up.
“And your hands.” Her tone was smooth like the ocean, as if she secretly sang along with it.

The cold salty wind blew against them again, her entire wavy blonde hair danced. Yet her eyes were focused and calm, Runa grinned back, stroked her bangs and held it still until the wind calmed. Felt her cheeks prickle as well, and her spine radiating warmth into her torso. Her features fitted well with the nature so bold and clear around her, gushing in blues filled with movement. It made her out to be such a steady elegant being. A human born in water, having its essence still inside her eyes. Her own mind folded to the forces of the ocean, willingly giving in to something divinely feminine. She remembered that line she messed up yesterday, like the ocean indeed. It glared back at her behind Sofie’s irises, framing her pale yet golden hair with something so vast and primal. The eye of the storm, was her.
“Your eyes really are like the ocean, but not a dark deep one.” She started it impulsively, then she paused and observed Sofie raising her pale brows curiously. Runa grinned, continued more thoughtfully:
“But an especially blue one, like in those lagoons.” She said to her as warmly as she could, Sofie kept still, and smiled beautifully while her cheeks rose in color.
“Had we been fourteen, or fifty, you’d only need to look at me.” Runa continued. Sofie smiled wider, her eyes relaxed while she moved closer ever so slowly. The moment their nosetips touched Runa felt her stomach flutter.
“Your irises being that kind of blue, it’d light up my world no matter what.” She added, Sofie’s eyes widened while her cheeks deepened to a brighter pink. Runa grinned proudly, was getting the hang of this?

“How could I ever stay away?” She whispered rhetorically, stroked her cheeks in unison. Sofie gasped and smiled, looked down at her lips still so up close.
“Who’s the best at serenading now?” Runa whispered smugly, Sofie grinned widely with her teeth, while her cheeks turned red. She narrowed her eyes playfully, lowered her fair brows determinedly. Her expression made her chest mush warmly. Then she moved her hands to Runa’s cheeks in return and pressed them together, relaxed her mouth into a gentle smile.
“Hmmm.” She said, Runa giggled, squeezed both her cheeks right back at her.
“Just admit it, I win.” She said still in quiet glee. As if proper volume would ruin the gentleness of it. That nature indeed was divine around them, and demanded respect. Like whispers through a graveyard. Sofie seemed to have found what she was looking for, she opened her soft lips, and paused before she spoke. In low tones in whispered hymns she finally said:
“The spark of life ignites in your eyes, casting a vivid sunset over the lagoon. Who am I to deny the forces of the heavens? When you’re so heavenly.” For a few moments Runa processed her words in silence, then quickly her breath rushed through her. She gasped while her heartbeat rose, with a spine so bright it was like they were already kissing. That was literal poetry, she realized. Quickly she leaned back a bit and curled her entire face forcefully, closed her eyes and said:
“Jesus fuck, okay you win again.” Sofie still held her cheeks, but she lifted her right hand from one of them, moved it back to her neck and stroked it. She leaned forward while her laughter rose loudly, Runa opened her eyes and observed her wide open smile, her beautiful lips and teeth, her dimples in pink, and eyes half closed with happiness. She felt her spine shiver intensely, a potent ache rose in her chest, it made her hands shake excitedly against her soft skin. Sofie nodded and pressed their faces together, brushed against her lips as she spoke:
“Well I do read a lot.” Runa giggled for just a second, then she pressed her close with desperation, and finally their lips met yet again.

First they had moved gently, getting wet in slow but wide caresses. Runa tightened her brows, relaxed the grip on her cheeks so her hands fell to the sides of her neck. Her spine radiated already, made her grin excitedly against her. She concentrated on the rhythm of it, tilted her head slowly with each movement. Softly Sofie gasped and opened her mouth, and stuck her wet tongue inside. They met delightfully, her spine shivered vividly as they moved in slippery strokes. She felt her mouth watering by the friction, gathered her lips around their tongues before withdrawing and closing them, before she kissed her firmly on just her lips again. She listened to the ocean, and moved her right hand further back into her neck. Gripped her hair firmly and tilted her head just a bit more. Then she opened her mouth gently again, had their tongues reunite softly but widely. Sofie gasped into her mouth, she felt her tongue prickling gently. Her glowing spine quivered yet again, and her stomach fluttered continuously. She frowned her brows more firmly, enjoying every sensation. She closed her mouth around them again, and withdrew. Sofie quickly followed her movements, rubbed their closed lips together hard, before opening her mouth again first. Runa smiled and did the same, their tongues met again, this time deeper and harder. They circled quickly, Sofie gasped again. She felt her entire torso buzz with warmth, her spine still glowed and shook. Her entire face prickled, she withdrew and rubbed their lips together. It seemed a proper rhythm had been found, waving back and forth like the ocean itself. It was immensely enjoyable, took her breath away for just a few moments when Sofie opened her mouth again. The slow rhythm rose in tempo, like muscle memory they opened and met, closed and pressed, before meeting again. Quicker and harder, amidst their breaths gently heaving and shaking, it took over every thought. Faded her not with a dense fog, but a light mist. She lifted her hand from her neck, and pressed her fingers through her hair. It went backwards, before she let go and moved her hand forwards, and did it again. Sofie amidst opening her mouth and rubbing their tingling tongues together, turned her head and moved from right to left. Their tongues twinned firmly, she let out a sharp gasp, the sound of it gave her own belly fiery flutters. She turned her head along with her, circled her tongue quickly and deeply. Sofie gasped again, they turned their heads, the twinning happened yet another time. Her spine shivered still, she closed her mouth around them and kissed her lips, before opening again and touching her tongue. The rhythm was regained, her chest mushed around her strong heartbeat. Before she gently faded properly, she managed to imagine the orange light of a bright sunset, reflecting in a shallow lagoon. She felt a gentle pressure behind her eyes, while her warm groin started beating very gently. It was all so beautiful. As the tempo and force increased, they managed to keep that wondrous rhythm going. It ignited her chest and mouth, conjuring  pure potent bliss in the mist. It literally felt like her sweet poetry manifested, like wetness and warmth met in the wind. They were painting such a beautiful picture together.

Lost to time they had done that for quite a while, Sofie had eventually stroked her neck in return, the sacred rhythm kept going. But eventually they stopped, coming up for air. Sofie opened her eyes as she did, and stared back at her. Her glossy gaze was wide with tenderness, as if surprised. She sighed hard and smiled widely, Runa grinned proudly. It seemed they had figured out something together, committing to control their passion with the rhythm. Still her chest was hot, along with her cheeks, her spine glowed and her stomach jittered inside despite them stopping. Sofie’s cheeks were bright red.
“My god.” She whispered, seemed flabbergasted. “That was.. wow.” Runa moved her hand back from her neck, stroked her warm cheeks softly with her fingertips.
“Yeah?” She asked as the tenderness within her chest bellowed out her voice. Sofie nodded and grinned so beautifully, made her stomach fluttered still.
“I think we’re actually getting good at it.” She answered softly, and smiled with her teeth again. She seemed proud of them both somehow.
“Well it’s about time.” Runa responded loudly, Sofie leaned her face back, and chuckled gently and beautifully before nodding. After, her face relaxed, and her fair cheeks softened in color and she leaned forwards again, touched their foreheads together and closed her eyes. Her pretty pale lashes faced down, Runa stared intently at her, felt bright wonder going through her. Already it felt like they had something special, not that she knew anything about anything. Somehow she could feel her own naivety, not innately but vaguely. The might of her mind bellowed behind the veil, while her world now ever changing made less sense. Anything could happen now, outside as within. Life could truly be so random, in all directions. Still she couldn’t shake the feeling that they fitted well, not just because they were physically compatible. Though she didn’t know her enough to know if it was so with their minds as well, it seemed that way. At least their humour matched well, it was easy to imagine them kissing, crying, joking and laughing together indefinitely. 

She closed her eyes and listened to the ocean. Just the past day and a half everything had been so dense, so rich and new. She had learned so much about herself, constantly she had been surprised. Every time she made her laugh, every sensation of her body when with her, every serious conversation she spoke so willingly shocked her, but she didn’t mind. She thought she knew herself well, but she had been so wrong about so many things, about herself, and the world. She moved aside and leaned in further, lifted her arms around her shoulders and hair, she hugged her close and sighed. The waves still rushed in swooshing sounds so comfortable, the cold wind didn’t move through them being this near. Her spine and belly had calmed, though heat still lingered, her chest radiated with bright happiness. She opened her eyes gently and looked through the red fence, at the sea and shore behind it. She felt happy she wasn’t that angry child anymore, that Sofie got to know a more stable version of herself. She had fought it all before, she acknowledged. When it proved futile she gave up, and eventually planned to completely let go, even before meeting her. Talking about it made her realize, even if yesterday hadn’t happened. She’d still be doomed to such a fate, was it not for her.
“Sofie, I’m so glad you asked for my number.” She whispered softly, Sofie held her closer and said quickly back:
“Yeah, me too.” Then she leaned backwards, and opened her heavenly eyes, still her irises were so potently blue. She felt her cheeks prickle warmly.
“Do you think maybe we can go down to the shore?” Sofie asked gently. Runa nodded and turned her head towards it, didn’t need to consider it before responding with ease:
“Yeah sure, while the sun is still up.” In the afternoon by now, it was dark. The so called ‘dark time’ was slowly approaching. She could already see the light change slightly, becoming deeper and bluer. She assumed it wouldn’t be long before her parents came home. By dinnertime she knew, it will be completely dark. So finally they stood up, released and gripped the blankets before they fell off them, and walked inside still in their socks.

Still the house was empty and quiet, they rushed into the smaller outer hallway, dressed rather quickly. Sofie grabbed her hand on their way down the wooden stairs, they ran in the space between her red house and garage. Sofie paused below the naked oaktree, looked up at its shivering branches when wind blew through it. Her blue eyes gazed upwards, light reflected so vividly in them. Her pale lashes faced up, thick and long. She didn’t wear her white hat now either, so her long wavy blonde hair got caught in the wind yet again. Her strands blasted first over her soft fair face, before clutches of them danced in the air. She grinned excitedly showing off her white straight teeth, rolled in her giggles so excitedly. She gripped her hair with her slim pale hands, looked down and over at Runa. This whole time she had observed her closely in wonder, felt her knees and spine tremble by the sight of her. Sofie smiled nearly apologetically, Runa felt her stomach flutter warmly. Then she saw her put her hand into one of the pockets of her light blue windjacket, and brought up a black hairband from it. She quickly bent her elbows around her head and started tying her hair up. She twisted her hair in the knot, fastened it with the tie so quickly. Runa felt her cheeks prickle so hot, she smiled firmly looking at her hair up. Now it all gathered so thickly on her head, even her long bangs caught in it. Below it Runa saw her soft pale ears, rather small and cute looking on each side of her head. The hairline was straight, her flat forehead was small as well. Her mellow cheekbones sculpted her cheeks, along with her jaw. Her big blue eyes were framed by both pale brows and eyelashes. Perfectly symmetrical above her soft small nose. Her full lips stretched over her open smile, still her perfectly white teeth reflected just a little bit of the sunlight. Runa gasped as her heartbeat rose, without realizing it she had lifted her own hand, moved it to her soft cheek and stroked it carefully.
“Fucking hell, Sofie.” She whispered in awe. Sofie giggled gently, the sound of it made her own spine tremble.
“What?” She asked amused, seemed so unaware of her completely breathtaking beauty. It was almost ridiculous how gorgeous she was, like some smoothed out commercial for hair products, or something like it. Showing off the most airbrushed and stunning woman they could find, it compared little to the real girl in front of her.
“You’re just so damn beautiful right now.” She finally answered her, Sofie looked down so gracefully, now her fair lashes faced down. She grinned as her cheeks pinked up softly in her fluster.
“Oh, thank you.” She responded quickly, before raising her bright blue gaze again, staring straight into her own eyes. She curved her pale brows in a gentle expression, grinned so sweetly back at her. It seemed a white cloud had been in front of the sun, small enough to open the skies when it finally moved past it. She noticed it in the light changing, and looked to the side towards the shore.
“God Runa, you too, you’re stunning.” Sofie whispered and gasped. Runa looked back at her amused, only to find her cheeks blushing brighter. Her eyes were focused, soft with tenderness and awe. She likes my eyes in the sun? She had told her Dad they looked like the sunset. It seemed like an over exaggeration, but it was still amusing. So she grinned and bent her entire body towards the sun, observed the shore while saying:
“Would you look at that.” She made sure to make her tone wide and playful, grabbed Sofie’s hand and dragged her slowly along. Sofie giggled just a bit, seemed to still be observing her closely. Runa smirked at her.
“The sun is back.” She added. “Just your luck.” Then she pulled Sofie closer to her, and pecked her cheek firmly. Sofie grinned widely and embraced her back, still her pale cheeks blushed in pink.
“Yes, lucky me.” She commented happily, leaned in on her cheek in return and pecked it back. Runa felt her cheeks prickle again, bent down and gripped her lower body, lifted her up just a bit.
“Mmmh, come on now, the shore awaits.” She added in the pressure, Sofie tied her arms over her shoulders and groaned happily.
“I can walk, you know.” She commented amused, Runa grinned and let her go, tickled the right underside of her baby blue windjacket.
“Oh I know! Show me!” She added loudly. Sofie started laughing loudly, rolling in rhythms so delightful.
“Runaa!” She screamed, started running, Runa followed with glee. They ran past the old wooden bench by the treetrunk, stepped firmly and swiftly on the yellow grass until their shoes hit smooth gray rocks. Producing light comforting sounds simultaneously sharp and mellow. Quickly despite the uneven terrain she noticed Sofie running elegantly with wide light steps, rushing further away from her. She felt herself getting out of breath already, focused on the round rocks beneath her soles while still looking at her. Still with her hair up, the jacket collar covered her neck. Her arms swayed opposite of her steps, Runa frowned her brows and started pushing her heavy body, gasped firmly and slowly began to get caught up with her.

“Sofieee!” She yelled. “You’re so fast!!” She added desperately. Sofie slowed down and looked back at her, smiled widely from ear to ear, still with pink cheeks she giggled in surprise.
“Oh right, sorry.” She said quickly, too being out of breath. Started jogging while looking back at her, grinning at her with great focus. Then she turned around completely and upped her tempo. Elegantly she ran into Runa and hugged her firmly, had them stop on the rocks. In the embrace Runa looked behind them at her house forty or so meters away, in the silence she focused on the waves rushing, and the seagulls screaming again. Breathed hard with a gently fluttering belly. Then she looked back, and pressed her cheek against Sofie’s, lifted her arms and hugged her back. They stood silently embracing in continuous breaths. She felt her heart calming down inside her warm chest. Sofie leaned back and faced her, grinned gently with soft eyes. Her breaths had calmed quicker than her own, Runa widened her eyes at her and sighed hard.
“I thought you’d be faster than me.” Sofie commented softly, Runa shook her head and finally started breathing slowly.
“Nah, you’re lighter, of course you’re faster.” She commented and released from her embrace, but leaned her face closer and tilted her head, brushed their lips together.
“Your running is quite elegant.” Sofie giggled with her mouth closed and pressed their cold dry lips together. For just a few seconds they dragged them quickly, giving her spine gentle shivers before they let go. Sofie looked at her up close, seemed to like what she heard.
“Is it really?” She asked in gentle glee. Runa nodded and looked down at her lips, lifted her hand and stroked her completely open cheek back to her ear.
“You can’t help being graceful no matter what you do, it seems.” She replied softly, her chest already warmed by the exercise burn with her continuous crush. Sofie smiled widely with her teeth, lifted her slim hand up to her own ear and stroked the curls near it.
“Well I like the way you run too.” She said smugly and tilted her head. Runa leaned hers back, imagined herself stomping the ground tactlessly, having Sofie actually like it seemed downright ridiculous. She let out a loud vivid laugh, observed Sofie’s eyes widen and her cheeks deepen in color. It sank quickly, though the joy remained in her belly still.
“You don’t have to be polite about it, I know my running isn’t pretty.” She commented and lowered her hand to her shoulder. She tightened her pretty pale brows and frowned for just a moment, as if insulted she didn’t believe her.
“I’m not, I mean it.” She said quickly, though it was hard to believe. Maybe there was something to the saying about rose tinted glasses? That Sofie saw something in her sprint just because she liked her? Nobody else would, that she knew for sure.
“Right, mhm.” She replied smugly and lifted her brows, nodded back at her.
“Listen Runa.” Sofie complained, gripped both her cheeks firmly and focused on her, kept her brows lowered. Her slim fingers were cold, she sighed hard and smiled tenderly.
“When you run you’re like a force of nature, your movements are so wide and firm, and coordinated.” She said softly, Runa grinned and lowered her brows to imitate her expression.
“That doesn’t sound very pretty.” She commented playfully.
“Oh but it is.” Sofie responded swiftly, squeezed her cheeks together and added still with pink cheeks:
“It’s pretty hot, is what it is.” With surprise and delight Runa breathed deeply in and let out a wide bright laugh yet again. Right she likes my strength, she noted in her mind.
“Shit Sofie, you’re so into me!” She commented loudly with glee, quickly she gripped her waist and started pecking her cheek repeatedly. Sofie in return started chuckling so beautifully and nodded.
“Yes I am!” She added happily and closed her eyes. Quickly the intensity calmed, Runa leaned back, rested her nose on her warm pink cheek instead.
“That’s good.” She whispered smugly, Sofie turned her head and faced her directly, smiled widely with her teeth. Runa couldn’t help but think back on herself imagining her smile, seeing it in the flesh was spine tingling. Exceeding her already high expectations, having her close, being watched by her stunning eyes somehow felt liberating. Runa grinned and leaned in, pressed their lips gently together, she felt her spine quiver. Slowly she released and whispered:
“I’m kinda into you too.” Sofie smiled again, raising her brows in a joyful expression.
“Kinda?” She asked back playfully. Runa  grinned smugly back and shook her head, looked up to the side.
“Yeah okay, maybe a bit more than kinda.” She added softly, Sofie giggled and leaned in, pecked her seemingly just to remind her: Just how much she was liked. She released and moved back, and grabbed her hand. They both turned towards the sea.

Gently the ocean rushed into shore, sloshing over small round rocks, seaweed swayed along with the push and pull. Like ribbons in water, the brown seaweed swayed. They were flat with round shapes spread across them, swirling in a rhythm amidst gentle seafoam. Sofie dragged her along close to where the water reached, Runa observed the waves slosh over numerous gray rocks of differing sizes. Back and forth the ocean moved calmly, right up to their shoes. Maybe one day in the summer, they’d bathe in a place like this? Bright warm sunlight would heat them up amidst splashing and giggles, even in the warmth of summer it’d undoubtedly still be cold. What fun it would be to carry her into the water and observe her shrieking happily. She smiled, it was a probable daydream.

Sofie let go of her hand and squatted, moved her slim fingers to where the water rushed back and forth, she touched the salty water carefully and smiled. Runa bent beside her, grabbed a stone in the water and groaned by the cold, turned it around and let go. Beneath it was a round imprint, made of small rocks and sand, for just a few seconds small brown little creatures splashed frantically before disappearing. Faint memories shimmered in her mind, of trips at school, to the shore she’d usually go exploring away from her classmates. In Nearbay, the next town over, she had lived for about a year. While still an unstable and furious child, it was fair most avoided her. She’d turn rocks and watch all the critters beneath. The shore just like the soil, teamed with life.

Almost out of habit Runa turned another rock, and observed a small brown crab attempting to crawl away. She quickly grabbed it gently with her thumb and index finger, and lifted it up between her and Sofie.
“Wow Sofie, look!” She said enthusiastically. The little creature tried to reach her with its claws, Sofie put her finger up, observed the crab trying to pinch her, she grinned so beautifully and chuckled.
“Hello there little one.” She whispered softly to it. Runa bit her lower lip observing her, still her torso and breath felt hot within.
“Remember how I told you about all plants wanting to be trees?” She asked softly with gentle glee. Runa nodded, indeed she remembered her blabbering on the phone, about how the most optimal shape for a plant is being tall, with its leaves gathering at the top.
“Well, in the ocean everything wants to be a crab, it’s called carcinization.” She said calmly and looked up at Runa, still her irises were so brightly blue. Runa felt her heartbeat quicken.
“How does that even work?” She asked hurriedly, Sofie grinned with her teeth, stared at the crab with great focus. Still her soft face was fair and smooth, her teeth white, lips and cheeks pink, looking perfect in every way. And this beautiful human let her kiss her, hold her, trust her, still she felt surprised by it.
“Well..” Said Sofie. “With crustaceans apparently the most optimal form is crab-like. Even when it isn’t a crab, the characteristics of one evolves quickly without much force. Crabs have evolved from like; crayfish or lobsters for example.” Runa narrowed her eyes and looked at it, crustaceans? That was an animal with its skeleton on the outside she guessed, like a lobster? So the conditions of the ocean itself made crabs? It was hard to imagine, she didn’t know much about the ocean. Still, it was wild to consider.
“Wow, that’s so weird.” She responded enthusiastically, Sofie lifted her gaze and stared straight at her.
“Right?” She said so happily, moved her pale slim hand inside Runa’s grip, grabbed it gently and moved it down to the sea again.
“There we go.” She whispered to it, and let go. Quickly it rushed away in the water, borrowed itself into the sand and disappeared. They were alone again by the shore, listened to the waves they huddled up together while squatting. She felt cold salty wind hit her face, and leaned in on Sofie’s soft cheek and kissed it. After, she moved her arm over her shoulder and pressed her close. Already this day was one of the best she’s ever had. Inside her belly, around her spine, between her vertebrae it glowed with warmth and flutters. This was just the beginning, she reminded herself. Hopefully, eventually, they’d be together. Just being beside her felt so right already.

“Is there anything you don’t know?” Runa asked her softly.
“Hmm, I don’t know much about vehicles, or hmm, specific religions. Or about the world wars, nor the history of many countries, and I don’t know all the languages either.” So quickly she started listing things she didn’t know, Runa chuckled and stroked her shoulder, Sofie was so endearing. Though she used big words, she wasn’t hard to understand. Indeed being with her was so entertaining, she hoped that feeling was more of a prediction, that they’d be together indefinitely. That what they had meant something, and could become tangible. Still she knew that she didn’t know, but it was easy to dream herself away. Sofie hunched down looking up at the sky, and started saying how quantum physics was complicated, whatever that was. Her fair hair tied up in a bun, it stayed put when a cold gust of wind blew through them, but her bangs loosened and started flowing. Runa lifted her hand and stroked it aside as she spoke, it made her pause and stare at her again. The blue lagoon in her irises shone vividly in the pale daylight. How easily she’d let the sky fold over herself, reflecting in the water. With life and light, they’d set each other on fire.

Chapter Text

Runa had placed a chair beside hers against her bedroom desk, she kept moving her knee up and down. Though it took a bit more effort than normal to concentrate in her glorious presence, Sofie did manage to eventually. She did her math homework quickly, before finding her natural sciences book. She read a chapter as instructed and answered the follow-up questions in a notebook. Runa had leaned over her New Norwegian homework, sighed and leaned on her arm. Every now and then Sofie looked over at her, the way her brows tightened in concentration was quite endearing. She resisted leaning over to kiss her cheek until she actually was done. 

When she was, Runa had finally moved over to her math homework. Sofie blushed and leaned in, pecked her cheek a few times and asked:
“Is this the last one?” Runa nodded, turned her head and smiled at her softly, kissed her once on the lips and said:
“Yeah, almost done.” She moved her pencil to the side, and made lines in the margins of her math notebook. They crossed each other in a very specific way that seemed intentional. Sofie pressed her own cheeks together and looked down at her counting the lines. Wondering about them made her pause, so she observe closely. She looked down at the problem posed in the calculation. Two parentheses each with calculus inside, their solutions were meant to be added together and multiplied by three. Instead of doing what she herself would do; writing numbers over each of them, counting in her head, and adding them together beneath the lines parting the numbers. Runa drew the lines, counted them in a particular way, and got the correct answer in a jiffy. When the solutions on both parentheses were solved, she made the lines in the margins again to add them together. Sofie bent over and observed her get all the answers correctly. Then, she backtracked, and followed the instructions of the proper way to do it from her math book. She struggled, huffed and painstakingly replicated the way it was supposed to be done. Runa got the answer wrong on the first calculation, sighed in frustration and started again. Sofie stayed quiet, focused as Runa began again and replicated it even slower. 

Math was all about rules, she had realized as a child. There were specific rules that had to be followed, knowing them enough made it more like muscle memory inside her head. She was no genius, and these past few months she had done poorer on each math test than usual. Still she felt she had the hang of it. Runa seemed to struggle so much more, yet somehow she broke all the rules. Crisscrossing lines, counting where they met. She tried to figure it out as Runa finished the last calculation, and realized: she used it as a guide, knowing the answer before starting the way she was supposed to. But who had decided the way they were taught was the best one? Who met and agreed throughout the world that this was the only way? She sat back baffled while Runa finished, sighed hard as she questioned something she had never wondered about before. But then she realized, had Runa made up a new way to calculate something? 

“Can I see?” She asked and touched her math notebook. Runa nodded, seemed nervous for some reason. Sofie turned the pages backwards, observed the lines being drawn in the margins of all the pages, by all the calculations. She tightened her brows, looked over at Runa.
“This crisscrossing line thing, is it correct every time?” She asked in a way too serious tone than intended, Runa nodded. Every time? That meant she had a system that worked equally as good as the one they were taught. If it indeed worked every time, it fit the criteria for a new way to solve a math problem. The thought blew her mind, she flipped the pages a bit faster.
“Did you come up with this?” She asked further, now with a smile. Her blush grew, she knew Runa was flexible and a creative problem solver. But doing so in math? It was unbelievable. Runa seemed to sigh with relief, she smiled and had Sofie stop flipping to linger on a page. She pointed at a problem solved in the right way and said:
“A few months ago the math teacher brought legos to class and said it could help to solve it visually. So I figured maybe I could do it with lines on paper? That’s visual, right? Since I can’t bring my calculator to tests. I crossed them and counted where they met, and discovered it gave the correct answer. It has limits, but when it comes to multiplication and stuff like that, it works.” She said with a bright sparkle in her eye. She was so eager to tell her, it seemed nobody had asked about it before. Sofie’s spine and cheeks warmed up properly. Had she invented a new way to do math? Sofie was so impressed, this was unprecedented. Runa sighed, looked down to the side and continued in a more sullen tone:
“At school they said it was the wrong way to do it, the math teacher even said something like: ‘You’re not very bright, are you?’ For needing a visual aid for such easy calculations. I mean, he was right. I’m not smart enough to do it in my head so I...” Sofie got angry at the teacher in an instant, she grabbed both her cheeks and squeezed them together, yelled in both anger and amazement:
“Are you kidding!? That’s so brilliant!” Runa giggled instantly, seemed shocked by her reaction.
“Is it really? It’s just lines on a piece of paper.” She asked timidly. Sofie nodded and grinned, pecked her hard quickly before she said:
“Well all math, all numbers and letters are just lines on paper. It’s what they represent that matters. And this, my god Runa if it works every time? It could be a new way to do math!” Runa’s eyes barred open as she started laughing.
“Are you for real?!” She yelled surprised, Sofie giggled along with her and nodded enthusiastically, while heat spread in her entire body. The light from Runa’s desk lamp lit up half her face. Her dark features cast shadows, and her sharp jaw bent beneath Sofie’s wrist as she let go of her face. One of her irises was lit up with warm light, and glowed in a deep amber. She smiled, her somewhat round white teeth showed beneath her slim upper lip, lifting and becoming fuller. She was so damn beautiful.

“I’ve never even heard of anyone doing it like that!” Sofie yelled, she grabbed Runa’s math book, stood up and pulled at her arm. She resisted the urge to kiss her and show her just how attracted she was to her right now. Instead, she pulled Runa out of her room and said:
“Does your parents know? We gotta show them!” Runa laughed and seemed to let herself be led downstairs. Harrald stood above the stove, Marion cut vegetables. They must be making some sort of soup. Sofie walked into the kitchen and asked more timidly as she blushed:
“Have you two seen this?” Marion turned around and watched as she dramatically dunked the book onto the dining table and pointed at it, asked further while she heard Runa giggling:
“This? The lines, for math. Have you ever seen such a thing before?” Marion leaned over the book and rubbed her chin for a few moments, then she lifted her dark blue eyes and looked at Runa. Her tall lanky body leaned forward enough to match both of their heights. Her short blonde hair fell down in front of her cheeks and jaw, hiding the side of her round glasses.

“Tell me how it works?” She asked. Runa for once seemed shy, but she grinned and looked over at Sofie for a solid second before she moved forward. Bent over it beside Marion, pointed at the line on the left going down at an angle, said:
“See this line is for the 10 of 12, then these two are for the 2 of 12.” She pointed at two lines going parallel to it on the other side.
“So that’s 12 times..” She pointed at three lines going horizontal but at an angle.
“That’s the 30 of 32.” She moved her finger up to the lines at the top going parallel to it, pointed at two lines and added:
“And those are the 2 of the 32. If I count where they meet like this..” She moved her finger to the bottom left of the square, counted to three, then at the lines in the middle from the top down and counted first to two, then six, added them together to eight, then at the lines in the top right, and counted to four. She pointed at the answer she had written down at the bottom, and compared it to the proper calculus beyond the margins.
“12 times 32 equals 384.” Runa saud and sighed out deeply, grinned and stood up straight. Sofie grabbed her arm and smiled at Marion who still leaned over the notebook completely still. Her eyes were focused, she touched her mouth. Then she moved her other hand down and flipped through the pages coming after it, observed what Sofie had: That it was correct every time.
“Oh my god.” Said Marion in a quiet flabbergasted tone. Sofie grinned.
“Right?” She asked amused. Harrald moved in beside her, he must have listened this whole time. Marion looked up at Runa and smiled to her impressed, then over at Sofie and grinned more gently with a warm gaze. Sofie looked down and blushed, Runa leaned in on her cheek and pecked it. Harrald looked at the lines quietly and seemed lost in thought. Marion moved over the stove and stirred the pot while he stood still.
“Hmmm.” He groaned curiously. “I remember the math teacher at the school I work at complaining about a child coming from China, newly adopted; who solved their calculations with lines. And had to be taught the ‘correct’ way. It was apparently quite tiresome.” He straightened his back, and continued:
“I never really understood how it could be done with lines, but here it is.” Sofie grabbed Runa’s soft broad hand, who looked back and pouted happily at her, and said in a falsely sullen tone:
“Oh well, maybe it was invented before then.” Harrald lifted his broad pale hand up to Runa’s head and rubbed her hair playfully.
“But you came up with that all on your own? That’s so clever.” He said and smiled. Runa grinned back, though she hadn’t invented a new way to do math, she didn’t seem disappointed.
“I didn’t think it was anything special, since they say it’s wrong at school.” She responded and shrugged. Then she lifted her broad hand and poked her finger at Sofie’s bare shoulder, added gleefully:
“I just played along since Sofie was so giddy.” She locked eyes with hers again, Sofie felt her face prickle warmly, and she started giggling. Runa laughed, bent down and lifted her up from below the hips. Sofie screamed in surprise, she was carried over Runa’s shoulder out of the kitchen into the livingroom.
“Who is this cute and giddy girl!?” Runa yelled, her tone was hard and ironic, yet so gleeful. Sofie’s back got bent over her shoulder, her head turned upside down, and her hair fell down to Runa’s ankles. Thankfully her sportsbra managed to keep her breasts in place inside her tanktop.
“Aaa Runaa!” She screamed and laughed, her blush grew hotter on her cheeks, blood rushed down into her head. Runa started spinning carefully and jumping.
“I think she likes me! She’s so giddy around me!” She yelled, Sofie’s laughter persisted intensely, her stomach tightened by the second. Runa stopped, at a standstill the room still spun. She lifted her head and observed Runa walk them over to the couch before turning around, and throwing her gently down on the cushions. She quickly jumped over her and laughed, her eyes were joyful and wild. Sofie blushed as she leaned down and kissed her cheek hard repeatedly. So she moved her arms around her head and giggled, her chest was warm, her heart beat fast.
“How can I not be giddy when you’re so smart?” She asked out of breath, Runa released, lifted her face and stared at her with tender eyes.
“Not many would agree with you.” She said as her steep breaths calmed.
“Well, more definitely should.” Sofie responded softly and moved her arm from her back, touched the curls near her ear instead. Her cheeks burned with heat, she grinned and bit her lower lip. Observed Runa pause with wide eyes, then they relaxed with warmth and a glimmer.
“If you keep looking at me like that I’ll have to kiss ya.” She teased, Sofie acted surprised and gasped loudly, said ironically:
“Oh no, I definitely don’t want that.” They giggled together, Runa’s smile was sweet enough to mush her chest and melt her spine. Her laughter sent shivers up it, so quickly Runa steered her to such bright joy, it was incredible. She moved her knees upwards to both of Runa’s sides, pressed her shins against the back of her thighs. Their laughter died down quickly, her brown eyes glimmered with tenderness. Her cheeks heated up even more, and sighed steeply near her face. Her body was so strong above her, being pressed against her chest and pelvis, she felt her cheeks prickle like static.
“That’s it.” Runa said fast in a gleeful tone, Sofie chuckled, their lips met quickly. Her stomach fluttered intensely and spread warmth up her spine. She gasped as their tongues met gently between the first movement. Quickly she lifted both her hands behind her head and stroked her curls. She pressed her harder against herself with her legs as well, Runa opened her lips just a bit more. Their tongues circled at the tips, the movements were electric. A bolt shot up her spine, she gasped again before she leaned in harder.
“MmMmmm.” Runa groaned amused as a response, as if eating something delicious. She tickled Sofie in the ribs while kissing her. It quickly made her giggle and groan with happiness.
“Runaa!” She complained loudly between their lips. They kissed harder, their tongues still met at the tips, but also quite firmly. Sofie giggled and groaned more, craved her touch all over again. Her happiness made her impulsive and noisy. She touched Runa’s collarbone, and slowly began to stroke her gently down to her left breast above her tanktop. Runa sighed in the kiss.

“Hey Runa can you..” Said Harrald with her notebook in hand, Runa released from Sofie’s lips and sat up quickly. Harrald’s eyes grew big in surprise. Sofie moved her hands in front of her face when a strong hot blush of embarrassment took over her body. Runa cleared her throat, the comedic timing made Sofie giggle somewhat frantically and look up at her. She too seemed embarrassed. Their blossoming affection amidst raging puberty she acknowledged, made them stupidly impulsive already. God damn, she hadn’t even noticed herself becoming that out of control.
“Yes, I’ll take that.” Runa said awkwardly, and stood up straight while Sofie sat up on the couch. She grabbed the notebook off his hands quickly, he grinned at her amused and said:
“Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes. We’ll just stay in the kitchen.” He left the room with a smug face and closed the door, Runa sighed hard and sat down beside her, put the book down on the coffee table. She looked over at her so adorably, pressed her cute dark lips together, clearly embarrassed as well. Sofie giggled and lifted her hands up, stroked the curls behind her ears and bit her lower lip, attempting to keep her nerves at bay. But then Runa relaxed her smile, and lifted her brows.
“Was it fifteen minutes he said?” She asked playfully with gentle eyes, Sofie nodded and giggled a bit more. Her spine shone again, she leaned in and whispered against her lips:
“Mmmh yes.” Their lips met, Runa parted hers widely for her. Their tongues touched deeply, her broad hands stroked at her waist, the movements of them all made her spine shiver, and grew electric. She was lost to it once again, her self awareness she noticed, chipped away amidst the bliss. Had her moan in a shaky breath so thoughtlessly, Runa moved her arms around her waist and pressed her down. She was so big and strong, yet so gentle and careful with her. She tickled her again, Sofie tried to hold back her laughter. While she felt her stomach flutter and her torso warm up, she lifted her legs around her back and said:
“My god Runaa.” Before giggling while their lips met hard in repeated pecks. Quickly they opened again, their tongues met at the tips. Her spine glowed and trembled amidst the tickling joy. She gripped the back of her head and stroked hard against her neck and hair. Runa released and smiled, swallowed and giggled, whispered playfully:
“Hush Sofie, they’ll hear us.” Sofie looked down and blushed, bit her lower lip and sighed deeply. She hadn’t noticed just how much sound she was making.
“Then don’t tickle me.” She responded in a loud sigh. Runa leaned in and kissed her gently, her lips were still wet and soft, she whispered amidst spine tingling movements:
“Right sorry, I just enjoy.. hearing you laugh.” The notion mushed her chest yet again, amidst shivers and heat she opened her mouth, had their tongues circle at the tips before going deeper. She gripped Runa’s head hard again, attempted to be as quiet as possible in her steep breaths. Runa laid down limp on top of her, their tongues grew electric again. There was far less rhythm this time, it felt more frantic and unserious. Though she quickly faded in it even still. The fifteen minutes passed by way too quickly.

-

She sat down so awkwardly by the dinner table, right beside Runa. Amidst wooden counters and cabinets, looking towards the wide window, showing off the oaktree and ocean views. Already it was getting dark, the sky shone in deep blues so beautifully. She felt her shoulders tense as Runa’s parents smiled at them knowingly, she bit her lower lip and looked over at Runa, who smiled back at her so adorably. Marion helped herself first, meanwhile Sofie moved her hands to her neck and tied back her long wavy hair yet again. Runa lifted her soft hand to her face and stroked her bangs behind her ear, her touch was gentle enough to make her cheeks continuously prickle. It was hard to look away from her, when her caring eyes were so beautiful. Still her lips were a bit glossy, she sighed and looked down, grabbed the ladle in the pot and poured the vegetable soup into her own bowl. It smelled savory, she felt her stomach rumble. It damped from the soup, in it she could already see, were turnip and cabbage, potatoes and carrots, onions and pale looking meatballs. While putting the spoon in and picking some cabbage and onion, along with the brown looking hot liquid; did it hit her: She was starving, and she had appetite. Even ate lunch today, still she wanted more. Two days in a row now, being offered such tasty food, she ate willingly. Hurriedly she put the soup in her mouth, burned herself and groaned. Runa lifted her hand again and stroked the back of her neck carefully, Sofie looked over at her.
“Careful.” She said softly, Sofie chuckled and put down the spoon by the bowl, quickly touched her cheek and caressed it in return. Noted that she had been running by the shore, moved against her, been tickled to the point of exhaustion. When was the last time she laughed this much? Last she smiled to this extent? It really was all because of Runa, she already knew. Awakened in more ways than one, she finally felt alive again. Her brown smooth skin, soft and radiant to the touch. With big round eyes, thick dark lashes and vividly brown irises. The kindness in her eyes was the greatest gift of all. Placed so perfectly above her soft small nose and cute lips, and her sharp jaw and wide chin. Sofie blushed still, bit her lower lips and stared at her beautiful mouth. She felt tempted to kiss it again, just to show her how much she appreciated her. Runa smiled so sweetly at her, seemed to notice that she was thinking and whispered:
“What are you thinking about?” Sofie smiled with her teeth and shook her head.
“Nothing much, just that you’ve made me so hungry today, is all.” She answered softly and felt her cheeks burn. Though she wasn’t specifically referring to their intimate moments, it sure sounded like she was hinting to them. It was accidental, she quickly started to panic. Runa opened her mouth and laughed widely, seemed amused by the unintentional flirt.
“No I didn’t mean it like that!” Sofie yelled and giggled along with her. Runa gripped both her cheeks and squeezed gently, nodded smugly at her.
“Right, mhm.” She responded enthusiastically. Sofie gripped her hands and continued:
“I was talking about the running.” She explained more calmly, Runa sighed and smiled, lowered her brows into a playfully serious expression.
“Yes of course.” She said back softly, Sofie smiled with her teeth and bit her lower lip again. Felt tempted to actually imply something, when she remembered they were being watched. Both turned their heads slowly and gazed at Marion and Harrald, who looked back at them amused. Somehow that was enough to make them both laugh again, Runa let go of her cheeks, Sofie felt her entire face prickle warmly and looked down. Maybe Runa was right? She can’t even hold back a little?

Marion broke the silence by clearing her throat.
“So where have you guys been running? Outside?” She asked with a knowing gaze, Sofie nodded while Runa quickly started replying:
“Yes uhm, by the shore. We found a tiny crab too.” She spoke while clearly a bit embarrassed, Sofie grinned and filled the spoon again, blew on it before putting it into her mouth. The soup itself she noticed, was quite tasty, balanced well with seasoning amongst a meaty soup base. She took a bite out of the meatball, chewed it hurriedly while her stomach hurt for more. Somehow, eating felt normal again, like it used to do before summer started. For just a moment a pressure emerged behind her eyes, she grinned and looked over at Runa who ate beside her.
“And school was uneventful?” Marion asked further, Runa nodded and looked back at Sofie.
“Mostly yeah, got to meet up with Sofie after gymnastics too, which was nice.” Sofie giggled and looked down, nice was an understatement. Them pressing themselves against the wall, kissing for way too long, making her weak in the knees. She’d describe it as absolutely spine tingling, if it wasn’t her parents asking.
“Yes, it was nice.” She said and sighed, put another spoonful into her mouth. Runa chuckled, maybe she felt it too? Sofie looked to the side and met her eyes again, her smile was as adorable as ever, with a gaze so tender and eager. Sofie sighed and looked down, felt nervous about having to hold back, and failing at it. But she figured, she needed to learn to, if Runa was ever going to come home with her.

-

It seemed Runa still didn’t want to bring up what happened on Monday with her parents, maybe she was avoiding it? Or perhaps she just wanted another good day with her? Either way, it soon slipped her mind, they gripped each other’s hands up the stairs, Sofie dragged her to the left into the guestroom. Though her entire house felt like her grandma’s guestroom at home, this was the one that felt the cosiest. Still the room was filled to the brim with books, music, movies and boardgames. Still the cosy bed with the patchwork blanked awaited them. They sat down together and leaned their shoulders on the pillows against the wall, and facing each other.

Runa leaned in quickly, while gripping her cheek with her soft hand, and pecked her gently. So fast with such little effort, her spine shivered yet again. She gasped and grinned, kissed her back firmer and quicker. Runa started chuckling in the kiss, leaned back and said playfully:
“Mmmh, I sure have made you hungry.” Sofie giggled and blushed, nodded and leaned in.
“Yes hungry for kisses.” She commented and made a point to kiss her with vigor, Runa chuckled and closed her eyes, received all that Sofie had held back during dinner. Seeing her relaxed and happy expression made the warmth potent and wide inside her torso.

Eventually it calmed and they released. Sofie closed her eyes and lowered her head, sighed in the warmth, felt nervousness flutter in her stomach.
“Remember earlier when I said I enjoy things again because of you?” She started it with, Runa smiled with her teeth and tilted her head. Her softly edged white teeth were as pretty as ever, along with her upper lip folding up and thickening.
“Oh so you were literal?” She asked warmly, seemed to observe her closely with increased fondness. Sofie felt her cheeks burn like static, the sight of her somehow made her feel shy. She had to look down while she nodded and responded:
“Yes I was, I.. used to feel numb, kinda. But now I feel everything so strongly, not just for you but..” With nervousness she sighed steeply but fast, Runa seemed to get she was trying to tell her something, and grew more serious. She listened carefully and lifted her hand, moved her bangs behind her ear carefully. Indeed she had noticed her body being less tired, less heavy and exhausted. That tightening pain in her stomach, or the absence of any hunger at all had faded, instead she was full and satiated. Though some girls she was sure, starved themselves to be skinny, she knew that wasn’t it for her. She had told herself it wasn’t a disorder, when the intention was lacking. Somehow now that she prepared to talk about it, the words coming next started hurting. Inside her chest despair pushed forth, along with emerging tears in her eyes. She turned her face to the side and looked down, tightened her brows in the pressure. Runa touched her cheek firmly and leaned against it, stroked it with the tip of her nose.
“Hey now, what’s happening?” She asked with such tenderness, Sofie felt a sob in her breath exit her mouth. Suddenly it had gotten so sad, she hadn’t prepared for that.
“Sorry, uhm..” She responded with a shaky voice, Runa pressed her close and gripped around her back.
“No it’s okay, take your time.” She uttered ever so sweetly, hearing her care through her voice gave her belting center warmth. She started giggling through her tears, they trickled down her cheeks as she pressed it against Runa’s hair and neck. Sniffed in her sweet aroma and hugged her back.
“It’s not that serious. I just wanted to tell you how..” She added and cleared her throat, leaned back enough to face her up close. Runa lifted her hands from her back and pressed each on her cheeks, and nodded with sad eyes.
“For a while now, I’ve struggled with eating enough. But since yesterday, for some reason; it’s been fine.” Sofie continued more nonchalantly, Runa frowned with her lips, sank her hands down from her cheeks to her neck and stroked it.
“How exactly does that work, struggling to eat? Nothing is wrong with your throat or anything, right?” She asked carefully, of course she had to explain it. Runa was so strong, must be eating well just to maintain her muscle mass. She felt that nervousness still, and gathered her lips while looking down. How to explain such a thing? She didn’t want to tell her why either, Runa would probably be scared away if she knew this early. There had to be something normal she could compare the feeling to?
“Well no, it’s caused by a feeling. Like, uhm, you know when you’re a kid and you’ve been crying, and then you gotta eat all your dinner, but don’t want to?” She opted for, Runa barred her eyes open and shook her head slowly.
“No, never.” She answered carefully. Right, whatever was normal for herself wasn’t so for Runa necessarily. Sofie frowned and felt some anger emerge, she was being so careless, Undoubtedly reminding her what a horrible childhood she had had.
“Right, of course of course.” She responded hurriedly and leaned back.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to compare it to.” She said quickly, Runa grinned and gripped the hairs in the back of her neck gently, started stroking it while pulling her slowly to herself again.
“Hey, it’s fine, just… tell me what it feels like.” She suggested tenderly, Sofie grinned and sighed slowly, nodded while touching her nosetip with her own.
“Okay so… it feels like I’m being so tense and worried, that my body gets so hungry I become nauseous, or that the hunger just disappears, and I feel heavy and exhausted instead. Eventually my stomach starts hurting quite a bit, but even still nothing appeals to me.” She finally said, slowly she observed Runa’s face dropping to a sad expression. By the end she frowned her brows with silent despair and stroked her neck firmly.
“I’ve felt that too, you’ve...”  Runa said carefully, lifted her hand back and stroked her cheek while moving a bit away. Her entire face came to view.
“.. starved yourself?” She asked further, her tone was low and sullen, Sofie shook her head hurriedly, responded so quickly:
“No, no it hasn’t been on purpose. Even if I have food in front of me, and eat some; the appetite just doesn’t… I can’t..” The pressure re-emerged behind her eyes, seeing Runa so worried made it seem so serious. It wasn’t though, not compared to.. Suddenly it hit her, why Runa knew the feeling.
“Wait, you’ve starved for real?” She asked impulsively, Runa bit her lower lip and frowned her slim black brows, nodded carefully back to her.
“Yes, the first seven years of my life, I starved pretty much all the time.” So quickly the sharpness in her chest erupted, along with pressure behind her entire upper face. Little baby Runa, skin and bones like the child pictured on the wall, just smaller and younger. That pain in her eyes looking back at her, here she herself sat and tried to describe something that shouldn’t even be a problem. She’d been spoiled rotten with anything she ever wanted. While little Runa starved for years?
“Oh g-god Runaaa.” She sobbed, gripped her back and pressed her close, and added with a trembling voice:
“I’m sorry.” Runa moved her arms around her shoulders and back, hugged her tightly. Quickly she pressed her face against her cheek and ear.
“Oh Sofie no it’s fine, I promise, don’t cry.” She said back and chuckled a bit, though her tone was wide and tender. She moved back and gripped both her wet cheeks, kissed them tenderly with soft lips. Every touch from her prickled her cheeks, made them so warm despite the tears. So quickly the lasting gesture softened the pressure, quieted her tears and had her sniffle instead.

“You sure?” She asked eventually, Runa nodded and let go of her head, started stroking her shoulders instead.
“Yes, it’s just something that happened, and it doesn’t anymore. I’m good now, I promise.” She added a bit too happily. Sofie frowned her brows, maybe she didn’t want to talk about it? If so, she decided not to pry.
“Okay..” She responded, sighed the last of the despair out her lungs.
“So you feel like that every day?” Runa asked further, she nodded and looked to the side.
“Pretty much, some days are worse than others, or well.. I haven’t felt it for a few days now.” She added hesitantly, by the end she gazed at her again, saw her sweet smile widen.
“Because of me? Are you sure?” She whispered in a quietly flabbergasted tone. Sofie giggled and nodded, lifted her hands up and stroked her neck.
“Well yeah, usually I’ve got so much anxiety but with you, in this cosy little house, with all this delicious food; it’s like I forget how terrible I usually feel. I’ve eaten my lunches too, without any problem.” She added softly, Runa smiled with her teeth, her deeply brown eyes glossed up within a tender expression.
“That’s so great.” She uttered in a shivering voice, Sofie nodded and teared up as well. The bliss stirred around her heart, mushed it with heat. So fast her stomach fluttered. They leaned in on each other, she grinned back to her.
“You just make me so happy, I forget so easily, it’s honestly kinda surprising.” She answered calmly with a light and wispy tone. Seeing her tear up for her own sake somehow made that happiness burst in her chest. She realized this was why she wanted to tell her, not to bum her out. But so she’d understand how much she helped her, what a difference her presence made. Runa stroked her cheek so tenderly, teared up in her beautiful smile.
“I forget with you too, all the time.” She said so softly, Sofie grinned back to her, focused on her warm gaze.
“Oh really? That’s wonderful.” She asked carefully. Runa nodded and looked down, seemed shy for just a few moments. Indeed Runa had mentioned forgetting when moving against one another, but other times too?
“Yes, I think.. that this is the best day of my life, because of you.” Runa said further, looked at her mouth and bit her lower lip within her smile. Sofie felt her breath ignite, and her spine tremble with heat. Her blush rose hot like boiling bubbles, she sighed that hot breath out and giggled. Knowing she had given Runa something so precious without really trying to, somehow made her crave her more. Like the happiness truly did ignite her with a spark, that Runa’s tears of joy were fuel to the fire. She sighed shakily still up in her beautiful dark face. Was it wrong of her to feel the same? Despite all the joyous moments of her childhood, and the special days that stuck out to her. The bliss of today, of their spine melting intimacy and fluttering laughter: It overpowered them all. Made her tear up with joy while staring down at her. The sun of her new life, her fire blessing her with her presence, it’s just too damn blissful. Nothing compared to it.
“God Runa, me too.” She whispered before their lips met. 

Wet softness rubbed in friction, her spine shook eagerly against her lungs and belly. Now completely full, being undoubtedly comfortable, feeling blissful beyond compare; she fell into it yet again. Surprisingly quickly the mood had changed, it caught her off guard. Against Runa’s soft lips and tender hands she sank into her arms. Their mouths opened, she groaned in a whisper when their slippery tongues met. Again they found that wonderful rhythm, once discovered on the porch by the sea. She felt her knees tremble despite sitting, and moved over her, wrapped her arms around her and pressed her down. A desperate need to be engulfed by her broke out her chest, amidst tears of joy she gasped and kissed her deeply. 

This felt deeper somehow. Like their longing blended together between their chests and breasts. Inside their mouths, right where that delightful tingling began; she could taste the depths of her. Her hair fell over Runa’s head, embraced her like every part of her starved for it, for her. Perhaps one kind of starvation replaced the other? Would she feel like that indefinitely now? Starved for her while her belly was full, calm against her while so excited?

Runa moved them around, she got squeezed between her and the wall, they let go and laughed quickly together.
“Sorry.” Runa said happily, Sofie relaxed in this tight space and lifted her thigh, bent her leg over Runa’s and grinned.
“No this is good.” She said with a wide unserious tone. Runa lowered her hand from her back pressed against the wall, and stroked it against her rear. She caressed it slowly up to her knee, now pressed over Runa’s right hip. The motion made her groin beat warmly, she gasped and smiled against her wet lips.
“It’s funny, I keep kissing you but you still seem so hungry.” Runa commented smugly, Sofie laughed and nodded, their nosetips touch vertically.
“What a mystery.” She commented jokingly, made Runa laugh vividly and pull her closer by the knee.
“Do you wanna stay pushed into me here, or..?” She asked so sweetly after, Sofie bit her lower lip and smiled. That would indeed be nice, they could watch a movie, and kiss endlessly. Take off their pants and mess around. Or, like warm water memories seeped into her awareness. In softness and pleasure, it had been dark. Steep sighs and soft tension, countless wet kisses on her skin.
“Hmm, I was gonna suggest we’d watch a movie, but nevermind that.” She commented playfully, and observed Runa smile up in her face. The sight of it made her full stomach flutter even more. She leaned closer to her, and pecked her tenderly. Sofie felt her spine tremble vividly, her stomach to buzz like static, and for that gentle heartbeat in her groin to quicken. They released, she sighed still with her lips against hers.
“So what did you have in mind then, beautiful?” Runa asked so smoothly she couldn’t help but bite her own lip and grin, still her cheeks prickled so warmly. It was a bit embarrassing how much she craved her. It had felt so good in the darkness, had been so warm and wet in the fog of her lust. Imagining it made her heartrate rise, giving her groin soft flickering tingling. She looked to the side, her entire face felt so warm. Runa chuckled and moved her hand up, stroked her bangs to the side before gripping her cheek.
“Come now, tell me.” She stated softly, seemingly to reassure her. A sweet intention making her more brazen. She moved her gaze back and stared her in the eyes, despite the warm light around them being dim compared to sunlight: The orange sprung forth from her deeply brown irises. teasing her with the fire in her beautiful soul.
“Maybe..” Sofie said while exhaling, Runa quickly nodded with tender eyes and smiled, bit her lower lip for just a few moments. She seemed to wait with quiet glee.
“..you could carry me into your bedroom again?” She suggested hesitantly, Runa lowered her hand from her face, and stroked it carefully down the side of her torso. The touch made her spine quiver so strongly, she gasped. Runa’s broad soft hand caressed her up again and stopped at her chin, her thumb stroked at her lower lip. She smiled gently with such kind and happy eyes, her expression alone coaxed the heat out of her groin tenfold. Made it beat properly while dripping slightly. It was easy to wonder, why a soft look was enough to get her going?
“Oh I’ll carry you anywhere you want.” Runa said so seductively, already that tone made her groin tingle just a bit more. She cooed at her so desperately while imagining her strength ahead of time. Perhaps it was the softness harbored within such strength?
“Well that was easy.” Runa teased and chuckled, Sofie bit her lower lip in her grin and sighed deeply up in her face.
“I just like you so much.” She groaned, Runa quickly gripped behind her lower back, Sofie crossed her legs behind her rear and pressed her close. So easily she was lifted up, in her tight grip she was off the bed and over the floor.
“Mmh I like you too.” Runa responded with pressure in her voice. She felt her entire face prickle with wide heat, while gentle pleasure beat in her groin. It indeed took so little, just being in her arms, knowing her happiness, observing her caring through her eyes. Feeling that safety in every action they did together, with her she knew she could choose. The power of that agency somehow made her want to, more than anything. I choose you, I want you! 

She embraced her shoulders and pressed their noses together. Observed Runa grin with frowning brows. Despite her strength Sofie reckoned, she wasn’t actually weightless in her arms. Still, she lifted her surprisingly easily, feeling Runa’s strength did it again. Made her into a protector, a kindhearted soft wielder of power and robustness. In her muscly arms, being tied around her strong back; she felt surrounded by it. In an instant, she wanted it to take over her, to let her, just because she could. So quickly she had trusted her, as if manifesting it through her own force of will. She needed it to, and so it happened. To trust her enough to let go of herself was a revelation. The notion was a high all on its own.
“Runaaa, you’re so strong.” She said to her amused, had no control over her tone of voice. Indeed she sounded absolutely famished, starving for something only Runa could give. 

Runa let go of her and held her with one arm, and opened the door into the hallway. Being held with just one had her groin drip and tingle. Why did she like it so much? As the fog fell over her mind it was hard to tell. Runa groaned in a tight laughter when Sofie started pecking her so desperately. Quickly she gripped her with both hands, ran with her over the narrow hallway, and into the open door to her bedroom. She turned the lightswitch off and slammed the door shut behind her. And so the world changed, from light and sight, to warmth and  darkness.

Blindly they fell against the bed, opened their mouths and touched tongues. Deeply and desperately they moved in warm tingling wetness. They heaved against one another for a bit, she lost her thought and will to her. Their lips smacked and their tongues rubbed with surprisingly audible sounds. By every second her groin hummed higher, made her blood boil with desire. 

Eventually she remembered to let go of her shoulders, and fumble to find her pants to zip them down. Runa started doing the same while still kissing her. In a blur of fabric and stroking, while bending into clothing to tear it off herself, it all happened so fast. Finally she felt their skins touching, and her hands stroking her breast and nipple. With a spine that spread with warmth potent like fire, while her groin dripped with ongoing soft pleasure. Runa moved on top of her, they turned around and laid on their sides, tied their legs together so their thighs touched each other’s groins, still covered with underwear. So quickly and desperately it began again, after their desperation had gotten its fill she knew: She wanted to take her time with her, to gently kiss her wherever she was allowed to. Show her yet again just how beautiful she was, even in the dark.

*

Sofie’s wet lips kissed and licked her belly, as if it wasn’t gross at all. Her spine burned continuously while her groin beat and beamed with gentle tingling pleasure. She gasped amidst the kisses, Sofie pinched her nipples slowly and repeatedly. A damp layer was already over her skin, it felt like her entire torso and neck, face and hands vibrated in the tension. Already Sofie had licked and kissed her face, neck, breasts and now belly. She had her legs spread beneath her, and groaned with frustration and stroked Sofie’s head and soft hair.
“Sofie, can you c-come up here?” She whispered in a shaky breath, Sofie giggled so beautifully and stuck her tongue tip out, licked her way up her torso and breasts. The sensation made her spine quiver and burn with heat, all while her groin tingled with slightly stronger pleasure. It only lasted a few seconds, but she opened her mouth and gasped loudly. Sofie found her lips with her own, still warm and wet, dampness was felt from her skin as well. Gently their lips met, and tingled in friction so easily. Sofie let go of her nipple and stroked it down her belly, Runa let go of her lips and groaned, felt her fingertips stroke down her upper thigh. It made her lower body jitter, again her wet groin beamed just a bit stronger.
“Yes, what is it?” Sofie answered in a low and smooth voice, deeply seductive while still somewhat unserious. She had planned to say something about wanting to move against her, but amidst the thick fog she forgot.
“Uhm.” She said in the absence of her thought. Instead her mind closed in on Sofie’s hand on her inner thigh, both her legs were open for her to reach and touch. She made gentle circles with her fingertips right on her skin, as if to entice her. She wondered what it must feel like, to be touched there by her, even just a little bit.
“Can you do that thing I did.. by accident?” Runa fumbled to say, Sofie nodded against her and pressed their lips together. Stroked her thigh more firmly with her fingertips, before swiftly moving her fingers over her groin, barely touching it. Her spine spiked, the tingling rose fast and hot, had her legs jitter uncontrollably for two seconds. Sofie opened her mouth as she groaned, pinched her nipple with her free left hand. Their wet tongues met in the damp darkness, and circled deeper into her mouth in slow delightful movements. She groaned again, Sofie started heaving above her, seemed to like her reaction. Runa smiled in the kiss, slowly Sofie lowered her hand again, touched her inner thigh and stroked it. Again the movements of her fingertips matched their tongues. Then she pinched her nipple again, and quickly stroked over her covered groin another time. It beamed once more, with sharpness and pleasure it lit her groin up for just a couple of seconds, she groaned loudly and let go of her warm mouth, gasped and heaved against her.
“Mmmh, faster.” She begged in a shaky whisper. Sofie heaved more softly against her lips, nodded and smiled with a gasp, being just a bit out of breath. Slowly she started feeling Sofie move her hips against her right thigh. Runa grinned when she started again, she moved her hand back from her head and felt her way to her full soft lips. Just when her thumb entered her mouth, she felt Sofie stroke very lightly over her groin vertically. Runa gasped, the pleasure rose again. But this time Sofie continued, back and forth the pleasure remained high. Against her thigh she started moving so damn seductively, she moaned and smiled, pressed her thumb deeper in and heard her moan as well. Even if it was technically touching, she didn’t feel exposed at all. Whatever insecurities she would have, faded in lust. So easily she forgot herself completely.
“Oh fuck.” She whimpered. The tingling pleasure rose, set her entire spine properly on fire, the fog fell over her completely. Moved her away from her awareness so fast. She stretched her left leg and tightened it, automatically moving her hips in the rhythm of Sofie’s. Feeling her wet warm mouth helped everything to let loose, it didn’t take much for another tingling orgasm to rise. Sofie moved and panted against her, Runa lifted her face and opened her mouth wide, the pleasure heightened to a point. Glowed in a bead filled with burning static, melting her groin in shivers and tingling. Together they moaned, must be feeling it together. Though Sofie’s sounded more like gasps than her own. It only lasted for a handful of seconds, before it fell and she came forth from the fog. 

Sofie still groaned and moved above her, in the heat she craved for more. So she quickly gripped her shoulder. Pushed her over to her back, stuck two fingers into her mouth and said:
“Imma take you now.” She groaned with vigor, hungry for that feeling, she lost her will to it. Quickly and firmly she started moving against her, Sofie spread her left leg and embraced her with it, while the other stretched beneath her own groin.
“Hurry.” She mumbled back enthusiastically in a low shaky voice. Muffled against her own fingers it was still audible. Hurriedly her arms and hands gripped Runa around her sweaty back and shoulders. Still Runa had her fingers in her mouth, her muffled moans faded in comparison to her own emerging in gasps. The pleasure rose within the movements, Sofie gripped her harder and shook, her own spine glowed and burned, shivering as the next orgasm rose. Instead of her groin gathering in the bead, it spread widely like a cloud of burning sulfur. It quivered her groin with soft tingling and pressure.
“Oh fuck Soofiee.” Runa groaned between a moan, gasped and felt her back and legs tightening. Her gaze lifted in pleasure, and she lost control of her body, moaned highly pitched and shook against her. It lasted for a few more seconds than the last, the moment she let go she removed her fingers from Sofie’s mouth.

They both heaved and giggled to one another, Runa moved her face closer to her and kissed her lips gently. They were so wet, she realized; Sofie had been drooling. The notion had her cheeks burn with static. She stroked Sofie’s lips with the backside of her hand, and whispered carefully:
“Are you okay?” She had been so rough with her without meaning to. Sofie nodded eagerly against her fingertips resting on her cheek, still catching up to her breath.
“Oh yes that was so good.” She responded enthusiastically. “You’re so hot, oh my god.” She added and groaned, moved her arms around her head and pressed her close. Runa chuckled, all though obvious, it was nice to hear her say it. Whomever she herself became when with her like this, Sofie actually desired it. A miracle, she figured, a gift. Still out of breath her mind flickered with the sound of her muffled moans, the feel of her sweating heaving body both above and below herself. Sofie she knew for sure, was the hottest girl to ever grace this earth. When the time came to see her like that, she assumed she’d feel it even more strongly: That her beauty and desirability was boundless.
“So are you, beautiful.” She responded while still heaving gently. With their sweaty breasts and bellies sticking together, she felt like feeling her through her lips another time. To kiss her exactly how Sofie had done before. So she gripped her shoulders and moved her head down, opened wide against her neck and licked. Her scent was sweet, but she tasted somewhat salty. Sofie gripped around her head and sighed deeply, seemed to enjoy it.

Slowly she kissed her way down, imagined her rather petite soft body in all its curves. Still her soft breasts enveloped her. She kissed her nipple and rubbed her cheek against the other. When Sofie chuckled, she could feel her chest shake, and heard the sound coming from within her ribcage. Gently Sofie’s dainty hands had found her hair, and started stroking it so wonderfully. Slowly she moved further down to her skinny belly, she kissed and licked her while Sofie gasped. Every centimeter of her skin was so precious, all of her body she already knew, was absolutely perfect. She teared up, the person within being the best of all. Yes she was right here , feeling every movement on her skin. She wanted to kiss her all the way in, so whatever pain she harbored would fade. Reach to her plate, and kiss it so nothing else showed on it but herself. Sofie groaned and spread her legs beneath her.
“Runaaa, do it to me too.” She complained so adorably. Somehow they had found a way around actually touching each other, both eager to see how far they could go. It was comical how impulsive they were, her groin started beating again just by the idea of hearing her moan another time.
“You’re so cute.” She couldn’t help but say, before she leaned up to her breast again and bit her left nipple. Swiftly she stroked her hand lightly over her panties, and felt her shake beneath her. Heard her moan in a gasp. And so she continued, just as Sofie had with her. So delightful it was, to hear her moans heighten in gentle pitch, to feel her arms embrace her head and tremble beneath her. Bright bliss spread in her chest, along with her prickling groin and high pulse. Her belting heart and shivering spine glowed for only her. With the darkness protecting them, it all began again.

-

Already bent over Sofie she had hugged her and kissed her still out of breath, had made her laugh frantically so effortlessly with little comments. After doing it she had discovered, they laughed together so easily. Though the darkness had been nice, she craved to see her pretty face, her messy hair and bright blue eyes. So she had found the covers beneath them and moved it over them both, pressed her close and turned on the light. 

Sofie’s long blonde hair was messy and adorable, her eyes squinted in the light for a few seconds, before her bright blue irises showed in their entirety, and gazed at her. Seeing her pale lashes and brows, her fair smooth skin and soft looking face and lips: it was enough to thrill her with glee, soften her chest in deep happiness. She felt her spine quiver by the mere sight of her yet again. This is the face that had kissed her all over, it had moaned and groaned above her, and beneath her. And spoken her name in gasps and murmurs between heaving and sweat. Runa grinned and teared up, though not ready at this very moment; she knew it’d be beautiful when she was. To touch her and be touched, and whatever else they could think of to do. Slowly she was bending in that level of trust, to that amount of vulnerability. Already Sofie had blazed through her insecurities, in moments amidst pleasure and softness she forgot so easily. The look in her eyes, even while clothed or covered, was exceedingly passionate and tender. It alone soothed her heart.

How would her kind eyes finally gaze at her once she saw, being turned on just by the strength of her body; she’d probably like the bulkiness of it. The wideness of her arms and shoulders, hips and legs, the layer of fat on her belly and thighs. Countless times she had looked at herself in the mirror, and shunned at the image reflecting back to her. Somehow with Sofie she forgot to feel that spike in her chest, that gravity weighing in her stomach. Now that the bliss had passed, it came rushing back to taunt her. 

So many times she had heard it, taking it all in with numbness and indifference. You’re so disgusting, I’d rather die than look like you! If I looked like you I’d kill myself! No one wants to be near you, when you’re that disgusting! You sure you’re a girl!? The ugliest girl I’ve ever seen! Their faces alternated quickly like flickers of light, countless teens and kids, in numerous places slowly started merging. Schoolyards of buildings mostly looking the same, foster homes too cold to remember in detail, institutions too clinical to ever feel like home. In the deep despair her mother’s pale face and long brown curly hair emerged, speaking words angrily with cold blue eyes and an expression of pure disgust. Foul little creature, I should have aborted you. She had said so often. My biggest mistake!

“Hey Runa.” Sweet Sofie said so softly, it threw her out of the spiral. Her gaze was worried, Runa noticed her arms had tensed up, she had tightened her neck muscles against her as well. Sofie stroked her cheek and frowned her soft beautiful mouth, whispered softly while moving their nosetips together.
“You froze up and looked so upset, are you okay?” She asked tenderly, her disposition so calm and caring against her, it was hard to let that terrible sharpness in her chest win. She chuckled a bit and sniffled, quickly tears gathered in her eyes. She nodded and answered in gasps:
“No, I mean yes, It’s fine, I just..” They laid with their soft breasts and bellies pressed together, Sofie moved her arm around her back and started stroking it. Leaned in on her cheek and kissed the corner of her mouth, the feel of her made her spine and belly tremble warmly. Giving less power to the obsidian flaring inside her chest. She relaxed her shoulders and neck, and sighed deeply against her.
“I’m here for you, if you wanna talk, or whatever else, I’m here.” Sofie suggested so sweetly, seemed to make sure not to pressure her to do or say anything she didn’t want to. Indeed the kindness in this one teenage girl she already knew, was far beyond anything she could ever hope for. Here she lay with gentle observant eyes, and a body so soft and warm; it was hard to not mellow out against her. She was undoubtedly perfection personified. Why deny herself comfort when being cared for by someone actually good?

“I just struggle with..” Runa said and sighed, looked to the side up at the black ceiling.
“.. imagining you actually, you know, liking the way my body looks.” She continued, before looking back at her again. Within a sorrowful smile, Sofie gazed at her with tenderness. In a look of both pity and warmth, she stroked some of her curls behind her ear before leaning in on her lips. And pecked her firmly just a few times, before leaning back and sighing.
“Oh Runa I already know you’re beautiful. I’ve glimpsed at your.. chest, sorry.” She said and looked down at their breasts pressing together, before staring up at her again. Of course, that one moment from yesterday, when she turned on the light again without thinking. It had made her spine tighten and her chest to spike, before embracing her firmly again till that feeling went away.
“Right, yeah I know, it’s fine. But you still haven’t seen the rest of me.” She commented and looked down at her full lips, still tearful with a pressure emerging behind her eyes. Sofie gripped her cheek firmly and pressed their noses together again.
“I’ve seen your legs too. The first time I saw you; you wore only a tanktop and tight sports-shorts. You looked so good, and were so strong and fierce looking. I liked you even before I got to see your pretty face.” Sofie said further so enthusiastically, the glimmer in her eyes spoke of enthusiasm and excitement. It wasn’t surprising anymore, just how much Sofie liked her. Though the girls in the showers looking her up and down for the twentieth time, sneering at her saying such awful things about her, it lingered still. Everything they saw as wrong and ugly, Sofie somehow liked. Why was it so hard to feel it, when she knew it?

It was only their second day, she reminded herself. She wanted to throw herself at her, be completely naked and see the expression Sofie would make. Doubt festered within the obsidian, spread hardened clouds of bile black as oil inside her skeleton. Just in case Sofie would give her any other expression, she decided to wait. Till the need to see her reaction outweighed the fear it brought as well. When it changed, she’d shurely know.

“It’s just so new to me still, that you feel that way. I do forget how I feel about myself, when I’m with you. But it always comes back, it’s hard to shake off, you know?” She commented carefully, Sofie nodded and moved her hand from her cheek, pressed at her nape and hugged her close.
“I get that, I’ve got insecurities too, it’s okay.” She responded tenderly, softness lulled that feeling remaining within. Runa grinned while pressed against her cheek and ear.
“But I know I’ll adore wherever I’ve kissed you.” Sofie continued, the notion somehow felt humorous. Sofie had kissed her chest and belly, her neck and shoulders, arms and hands, why wouldn’t she like her looks? She knew the feeling, all though she had already seen her mostly naked, she felt it too. Every part of Sofie she had kissed, had felt so wonderful. Amidst the fog of lust, it had tingled on her tongue and lips, given her breath heat, ignited her mind imagining her in the moment, heaving and groaning. It was impossible not to adore every place she had felt. Why would Sofie feel any different? The realization gave that pain in her chest a warm feeling.

Tears gathered in her eyes, she gasped and hugged her back hard, and pressed her face against her neck.
“Oh Runaa.” Sofie groaned sullenly to her, moved both her hands down, and stroked her back hurriedly beneath the covers.
“You’re so amazing.” Runa whimpered while her chest shook in silent sobs. Sofie moved one of her hands up to her neck and caressed it firmly again, while her other arm embraced her upper back hard. She moved her over herself, lifted her legs and bent her knees over her rear and upper thighs. It felt like the entirety of her embraced her. How she wished Sofie could reach into her chest and pull that hardened obsidian right out of her. That it’d melt in her beautiful dainty hands, to be erased from this world, now that everything had changed. Would it be forever inside her? Loom over every happy experience till she died? Though even if it didn’t disappear, it surely faded just a bit in the warmth Sofie offered her.

It didn’t take long for the sobs to fade, though her sniffles remained a bit longer. Sofie stroked her hair and back gently in the silence, and kissed her cheek so softly. That trust she felt when doing it rose again, this time she was fully aware and felt it in its entirety. It made her grin and blush against her. How earth shattering it was, to actually trust her. Like she had wanted it so much, when it finally happened she somehow let herself go, let it happen. She frowned her brows as she grinned, even during their first call it had started happening. She had risked it all as her walls crumbled, in an instant Sofie had it, her trust, her heart? It’d been a leap of faith, fueled by desperate loneliness. Like the first breakdown in her parents arms, finally letting them in. Something akin to it had happened the moment Sofie embraced her outside her school. It had opened her right up, to the bone she had been so vulnerable like an open wound. Sofie had given her such grace, such dignity. Of course everything after felt easy, every stroke and kiss, embrace and movement was a simpler step for her in comparison. Her skin had starved for touch, and her mind had yearned for safety. The moment she got it, there was no going back. Somehow, Sofie must feel the same. The exchange of trust was indeed a miracle. The threads of gold tying them together tightened, made her smile in her arms, while continuously being stroked by her. The comfort of her skin and caresses were unprecedented. She was the stone hardened by an unforgiving world. And Sofie was the wave, rushing against her, smoothening little by little.

Eventually Sofie broke the silence by gently whispering to her:
“I can feel you Runa, you’re so beautiful.” To try and cheer her up was a sweet gesture. Runa smiled against her neck, sighed deeply and let it happen. Still her soft hands stroked her back, helping her relax completely on top of her.
“Your warmth makes you so vibrant and soft. Within your strength and safety, you set me aflame through your skin.” Sofie continued in soft whispers, her tone felt wispy and light. So quickly it had become poetic. She couldn’t help herself, it seemed. An amusing thought for sure, despite it feeling forced it was endearing. These words could just as easily be for someone else, but they weren’t, they were just for her. The notion made her spine quiver with heat. Sofie continuously caressed her nape and hair, giving her warmth and light all over her torso. This wasn’t a battle of words, nor amusing or unserious. But a genuinely beautiful serenade, made just to comfort her.
“The pure fire of your soul shines out your eyes, cleansing mine all the way in. Your presence is so soothing, and divine to the core.” She added so earnestly, still her tone was smooth and light, spoken as gently as a song. It was like she was citing already existing poetry, written by some lovesick poet hundreds of years ago. Its heavenly words painted her to be exceedingly glorious and warm. Describing her body made up of bright flames. Like her skin was velvety and hot like a furnace, encasing the flames of her burning soul. While sweet hot tenderness spread out her pores, from one surface to another, and giving it to Sofie.

Her choice of words, and the intensity of them made Runa chuckle gently. She moved up from her neck and faced her, lifted her hands and stroked both her cheeks. Sofie’s big blue eyes were glossy with tears, still she smiled and blushed as their gazes met. Had she been crying for her? The mere thought mushed her glowing chest with vaporized ember as she sighed.
“Jesus fuck Sofie, you make me sound like a saint.” She uttered to her and chuckled while feeling flustered. Sofie bit her lower lip and looked down to the side, seemed shy about it so suddenly.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.. Was that too much?” She asked timidly, Runa moved her right hand away from her cheek, and stroked her bangs to the side. Though she was very intense about it, her sweet words were comforting. Both the imagery she had fabricated and the intention behind it was heart-melting. Surely it could easily pull her from the deep, away from the sharp obsidian of her past, misty with powdered coal. Maybe that was what she needed? Knowing she was liked, she was blossoming again. Just like she had after learning her parents loved her. Even if Sofie idealized her, she was sure she did it back in return. A bit much? It had been overwhelmingly beautiful, uttered with the most tender voice, filled her mind’s eye with cascading imagery. Their meanings nearly eluded her, had she not felt it too. It had been far more than ‘a bit much’. It had been serene and soul catching, too gracious to be about her objectively idiotic and pathetic self.
“.. A bit yeah, but that’s okay. I get it, I feel the same about you. You’re like a..” She said and paused, wanted to say something beautiful back to her. She knew she’d fall short in comparison, but tried anyway.
“..like a beautiful angel. If anything is divine, it’s you.” She added as softly as she could. It felt so lacking compared to Sofie’s sweet poetry. She gazed up at her again, now with her blue eyes wide open. And she gasped and smiled as her cheeks turned to a light crimson color.
“Gosh Runa.” She stated carefully, happiness gave it a vibrant flavor. She looked to the side with a weak smile. Runa felt her chest mush and her stomach tingle. She didn’t know just how angelic she was being? Or was she shy about it, either way it was exceedingly adorable. So she commented more forcefully:
“Oh I see, you can’t handle it when I do it back, can you!? You beautifully angelic girl!” Now Sofie was the one to laugh, and she did so far more forcefully, seemingly being flustered. The sight and sound of her beautiful smile and laughter, had her cheeks prickle warmly. Made her stomach and spine beam and shake, while her breath and heartbeat were set aflame. Instantly she was dying for more, words to coax more out simply fell out her mouth:
“You’re the prettiest girl in every room you walk into! Nobody is as stunning as you!” Runa added playfully and forcefully, moved her hand down below the duvet and started tickling her ribs. It wasn’t even a little bit poetic, but it did as intended. Sofie gasped and chuckled, showing off her dimples on each side of her wide open smile. Hysterically she wheezed and laughed, while keeping her eyes closed. Still she had her slim legs around Runa’s lower back, Runa stopped and lifted her hand up, gripped her head gently once again. Sofie opened her eyes, gazed up at her again with softness and intent. Her hair laid around her like the wings of a golden eagle, as if protruding from behind her head, folding behind her shoulders. Confirming the bias she was manifesting.
“I don’t know about that.” A bit out of breath Sofie responded definitely but playfully, acting completely endearingly. Runa grinned back at her eagerly with the sun in her chest.
“Well excuse me for having eyes!” She added loudly and acted offended. Sofie chuckled with pink cheeks. Slowly silence grew between them, giving Sofie room to breathe. Runa caressed her cheek with her thumb, and gazed down at her still with a fluttering stomach. Her bright blue irises looked up at her with tenderness, she blinked slowly and smiled with pale lashes and brows. Her cheeks remained pink on her fair skin.
“You’re insanely beautiful.” Runa added more softly and sighed. Her right hand loosened from Sofie’s cheek, and lowered to her soft chin, touching it gently. Her gaze was drawn to her full pink lips, looking both soft in shape and touch.
“Thanks.” That pretty mouth whispered timidly, Runa gazed up at her eyes again. They were wide and bittersweet. She couldn’t help but stroke her cheek again, to soothe that sadness sprinkled atop her soft happiness. She did it just a few times, before moving her thumb down to her chin again. She became so aware of them being pressed together. The fire beneath skin, meeting and spreading warmth came to mind, conjured by Sofie’s poetic serenade. It was easy to see why she said what she did, her mind must be so sharp and vivid to put it into words while ‘not thinking’. Her outer beauty encased brilliance and creativity beyond her own comprehension, she was sure. From the waves of her long blonde hair, to the shape of her eyes and face, hands and shoulders, she was utterly immaculate against her. It couldn’t be her looks or intellect she was insecure about, perhaps it was her anxiety?

“You’re so brave, for showing up to school regardless of your anxiety. And you’re kind too, despite clearly having been through some stuff.” She said further as softly as she could, continuously stroking her chin with her thumb. Sofie bit her lower lip, tears swelled properly in her beautiful eyes. The sadness faded from her expression, and she smiled with tender eyes instead.
“It feels like you know me, even when I know you don’t. ‘Cause you actually see me somehow. Probably because of what you’ve been through, I’m sure.” Runa said softly and swallowed, keeping the added pressure in her face and chest at bay. How many people would trust her so much, after hearing her say she’s a bad person? Who else would see through that amount of despair in a stranger, and know somehow that her words were skewed? After hearing of such terrible violence committed by her, despite having faced some kind of harassment; she herself still got a chance? Still she was let in and trusted so quickly. One moment in time was all she needed, just one chance and she got it somehow. That this wonderful girl felt safe around her despite it all, was still the miracle she was baffled by the most. The notion had her tear up while looking at her beautiful elegant face, and her bright wondrous eyes. She was like an angel indeed, saving her from misery and death.
“Even after everything that happened yesterday, you stayed. And you’re back again.” She added, but choked up. She closed her eyes and lowered her face, sighed deeply catching her sob before it began. In this trust she could breathe, be observed on her own terms, finally knowing she was liked. How her skin had ached for touch without her knowing it, having someone to listen when she talked, to comfort her when she cried. Of course her parents had given her some of it, though but a taste of the depth she had craved. Now it was finally here, vast in every gesture, soft within every word spoken, loud even when silent. She sighed deeply and opened her eyes.
“Of course I’m back again, you’re wonderful.” Sofie said so sweetly in a gently trembling voice. Her expression was relaxed while she grinned so beautifully, her eyes still warm and tender. That blue flame shone through her irises, and it was so damn beautiful, she teared up again.
“I hope you feel that I see you too, it kinda feels that way, at least to me.” She added rather carefully, so as not to cry. Sofie lifted her soft dainty hands from her back and neck, moved them to her cheeks and caressed them gently. She gazed back at her tenderly, while her fair face contorted gently in an incoming sob, though she smiled still.
“I’m sure you do. I think I see you too, and who I see is so beautiful.” She whimpered in a whisper, before moving her face to hers and kissing her firmly. 

Before she knew it their mouths had opened, their tongues circled deeply and rapidly. That ache in her chest expelled out her mouth, she moved her hands down and started stroking the sides of her torso beneath the covers. Sofie groaned and pressed at her shoulders, moved them around. Still with the covers over them, they started moving against one another again. Slowly yet passionately still in an ongoing kiss, it happened without her even meaning to. But she embraced it again, Sofie she had learned by now; was quite impulsive with her passion. It made her feel so irresistible, a notion completely foreign to her, giving her desire fuel down her spine and into her melting groin. So she gripped Sofie around her lower back, and helped her move against herself. Even moved her leg up and embraced her with her shin and foot. She groaned into her mouth and opened her eyes, and observed her curved brows and lip movements up close. Inside her chest warmth and tenderness burst, along with the fast rhythm of her heart. It shivered against her spine and belly, the hairs stand on her arms. The desire clouded her mind, made her impulsive in her actions as well. She wished to serenade her with actual poetry too, if only she could. Though simple words fell into her mind between the movements of her lips and tongue, there was no room to utter them now. The pleasure rose gently amidst movements and sweat. She groaned and embraced her lower back, reached for the light and turned it off. Yet again she fell into dark soothing bliss, to the place where fire was lit without glow, and where hearts melted through skin. She felt nothing of herself here, but all of her. 

*

Being intoxicated within the fog, time had warped around them in the dark. But eventually it rose and her head cleared. Sofie had felt wet kisses and moist skin yet again, along with delightful movements swallowing her body whole. Her yearning and lust remained lighter around her, like a gentle mist made of hot steam. Her body was heavy and euphoric, she felt her spine tremble and gentle pleasure linger in her groin. Even when neither were ready for it all, it seemed both blurred the lines just to get a taste of it. Sofie chuckled tiredly while feeling baffled by the intensity of it, and she whispered while still against her lips:
“God, I can’t even think.” Her voice trembled in her breath, Runa was below her, heaving very gently while rubbing their lips together.
“Me neither.” She murmured back so tenderly her groin already melted anew in moisture, dripping just a bit more. Denser fog fell slowly, she gasped and groaned, understood she had one more time left in her. She felt Runa stroke her wide soft hand on her naked waist, and gently she was turned around. With tenderness she was stroked as it happened, before being below her once again. The feel of her strength and weight fluttered her stomach against her gently glowing spine.
“Runa.” She commented in a loud gasp. Already she knew what she wanted, and she had to ask for it. Gentle cringe spread in her torso, had her blush all over her face. So she hesitated for a moment, craving it still felt so embarrassing. But the impulsivity of the fog gripped her tighter than her pending embarrassment, made the cringe dissolve like dust into the mist. She observed it so clearly, how her mind dimmed amidst moist vapor. With trembling fingers she lifted Runa’s up and pressed it against her own lips, released and whispered:
“Can you maybe do that... thing, with my mouth?” Runa chuckled gently, nearly interrupting her.
“Still hungry I see.” She teased so smugly, Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks. With her torso on fire and her stomach trembling with flutters she wanted to shout: I crave everything you do! Give it to me endlessly! Melt me all the way in with all that you have! But instead she said:
“Mhm.” She groaned in a whisper, while feeling the last remnants of her embarrassment fade. Runa’s thumb stroked carefully against her lips.
“You're so cute.” She uttered amidst a low groan, Sofie bit her lower lip both in frustration and thrill. The hairs stood on her forearms when Runa gently touched the inner side of her upper thigh. Still her spine quivered warmly as if slowly being set on fire, while her skin and lips buzzed with moisture and tension. She parted her legs more firmly, gasped and whispered:
“Mmh yes, do that too.” Carefully Runa pressed two of her fingers into her mouth, while gently brushing her free hand over her panties. She now understood fully just how sensitive she herself was. With a single flick of a feather, it tingled like a spark by her touch. Mellow sulfur concentrated between her legs, beaming deeper around her pelvis. She tightened her thighs and curved her back so quickly, gasping hard against her fingers. Runa leaned down with a trembling breath and pressed her lips on her cheek.
“Oh wow okay, this won’t take long.” She sounded so amused while speaking rather seductively. Sofie grinned while feeling her fingers finally move, making her mouth prickle like static as well. She gasped and groaned the moment Runa flicked her fingertips against her groin again, setting her melted vulva on fire already. She heaved below her and squirmed slowly, stretched out her shins carefully and gripped her shoulders. Slowly as the bead filled with delightfully hot lava, she gently started moaning. The movements repeated against her, above as below. In gentle circles inside her prickling mouth making her drool and heave, she drew near a wonderful place just out of reach. Her wide soft fingers repeatedly brushed consistently against the fabric covering her, making warmth and vibration linger. Runa kissed and licked against the corner of her mouth, gasping gently back to her. The fog had fallen over her so densely, she barely remembered to breathe through her nose. Runa started moving against her thigh. She laid on the side of her, having made room to reach her better. So quickly it rose to the edge, she gripped the back of Runa’s head, and tugged at her curls carefully. The wave rushed against her, tingled her groin as she gasped. Just when it was about to burst, Runa stopped. 

Her vagina tightened as the pleasure quickly fell in the void, feeling empty as it vaporized mid air. She groaned hard still with Runa’s fingers in her mouth, but Sofie took them out as they panted deeply, just so she could express her frustration.
“Nooo Runaaaa, don’t stop.” She groaned to her as she squirmed and huffed. Runa chuckled in whispers while breathing slowly but deeply.
“I’m just trying to extend..” She tried to answer, seemed so amused while hindering what every fiber of her being craved for. Her spine shook with mellow lightning as she groaned hard, she gripped both of Runa’s cheeks and said:
“No no that’s okay, quickly is fine.” Runa giggled against her lips before kissing them softly, gently she started stroking her ever so lightly. The tingling grew once more, she gasped in the kiss and grinned. Just when she felt Runa’s fingers nearing her mouth again, she added hurriedly:
“Make it harder too.” She heard Runa swallow against her and sigh. Her own body remained overheated and trembling at a standstill, greedy for more than she had already been given. Her groin hummed with moisture and tension, dripping while being beneath someone so wide and strong. The softness of her every touch remained against her, every stroke and kiss lingered and teased her with the memories of them. Her torso burned, within her spine it beamed while her stomach shook. In her breath it felt like burning sand igniting her every time she breathed in and out. It set her alight with her entire being. The ache burst in her chest, she needed her closer. But she wasn’t ready for everything. Their every action towards each other amazed her, so quickly they had leaped in together. It had felt so right from the start. If only Runa could push her soul firmly inside her shell, grip it with pleasure to calm her longing. And break the shell asunder with her strength. For now her bright soul heated it up from afar, with its cracks pending in the stillness. Runa asked so sweetly:
“Are you sure?” Sofie gripped behind her neck again and tugged at her hair, leaned her head back and groaned while saying:
“Yes god Runa, just do it, hurry.” This was the closest she dared to let her get, it had to happen, she starved without it, and perished without feeling it instantly. Runa chuckled above her yet again.
“So demanding.” She murmured playfully. Sofie gasped and trembled below her.
“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to.. you don’t have to.” Her voice shook in involuntarily soft and low tones. Runa breathed deeply against her cheek.
“I want to, don’t you worry. Especially when you’re like this. You want it so much don’t you?” She responded gently, Sofie nodded against her face and sighed with relief. In the rising mist she felt so weak to it all, never before had she held back on something so good. She craved all of her so intensely, starved for more and more. By now moving against her felt milder though still quite enjoyable. Already she yearned for a firmer touch. Just when she felt Runa’s two wet fingers on her cheek again, she leaned forwards with a trembling breath, and pressed their lips together in a hard peck. The friction prickled amidst wet spit, igniting her spine with bolts of light. Just wanting it felt like an understatement. With a burning body she already knew; this was about her, not it. Softly she released from her lips. Her heart beat like a drum with her hot blood, the ache and tenderness in her chest shone through it all. Making her tear up when she whispered back:
“It? I want you.” She swallowed as her face contorted with happiness and tears. The warmth of ever deepening affection gripped her chest, held the tenderness within behind burning sulfur, she cried and grinned with an ever increasing heartbeat. Even groaned with frustration. She had already convinced her, but she wanted her to do it with all her might. Her mind fumbled in the fog: Touch me,  no, god, I want you to… can’t you just do it, do me? God! I want only you!
“You and only you.. So take me, to somewhere only you can.” She finally continued a bit louder, Runa gasped silently against her.
“Fuck Sofie, I will.” She whispered eagerly before leaning in so hurriedly. The expelling of her heart’s desire seemed to have been enough. Hard passion was finally experienced with the intensity she craved.

Just when she opened her mouth and stuck her wet warm tongue inside her, did she feel harder friction against her soaked panties. The bead vibrated with glowing heat, she gasped in the kiss and opened wide. Two fingers got pressed into her mouth, mingled with their tongues with wide but gentle thrusts. So fast vertical movements happened against her covered groin, with firm fingers moving as hard as she would to herself if alone. Pleasure swirled vividly in her pelvis, she tightened her thighs and moaned, curved her spine as the mist thickened like liquid around her. Their tongues twinned deeply beside her fingers, had her mouth prickle with gentle pleasure. The wave hit the shore, and stayed put while a tone rose within her. Boiling her blood at a frequency too high to process. Runa started moving against her thigh again, this time more desperately. The bead burst in the friction, vibrated as glowing liquid and mist spread deeply, setting her bones and pelvis on fire. She leaned her head up and released from Runa’s lips, gaped high when the orgasm finally started. Runa gasped against her ear and spoke with vigor, she barely caught what she was saying.
“I’ll take you anywhere you want.” She groaned passionately, vividly she could sense something gathering within her chest. With grief and bliss she fell back into the shell, by the force of Runa’s grip inside her mouth, and against her melting groin. By the feel of her skin as it moved in thrusts against her. Every part of her reached in, and held her still within herself. You got me! You have me! Her mind screamed to her, before she faded into pleasure, and every word and thought vaporized.

Her thighs and shins tightened, as well as her ankles and belly. She felt her vagina contracting, gripping the vacuum inside her when pleasure exploded. Glowing like the sun, pure bright ecstasy exited the bead and spread wide, shivering her glowing pelvis and hip joints. She raised her face and lifted her gaze as she gaped higher. The pleasure spread and heightened into white, ingulfing her entire pelvis in tingling and heat. She started moaning sharply, and gripped Runa’s neck and hair desperately with both hands. Completely out of her control her moan raised in volume and pitch, turned nasal as her body spasmend in the tightness. Right where the bead had been, a drop of negative like ink in milk happened, fell deep like a black hole into her, tingling harder than anticipated. It swallowed her, tightened the muscles around her spine as it beamed with lightning. She gasped again, and screamed as she shook, gripped Runa’s head with her arms and pulled her close without meaning to. This entire time Runa had gasped and kissed her neck, moving against her inner thigh and melting their torsos together with clammy skin. Sofie held onto the orgasm for a few more seconds, just when the ink stuck her like a needle, she screamed:
“Stop!”

As the dense cloud lifted again, and she rose from inside it. Even felt her vagina contract gently a few times, emitting leftover pleasure before vanishing into the ether within her. She gasped exhaustively while soaked in sweat, stroked Runa in her grip, who laid limp over her. Feeling her wideness and weight, softness and sweat somehow gave her the impression of being in warm water. A wonderful memory flickered in her tired mind. Of a cold winter’s day, after playing in the snow, shivering and sniffling: She had gotten into the warm and bubbling jacuzzi, its warmth relaxing her so deeply she drifted away. But here it folded over her like boiling velvet. Soothed her to the bone as a high euphoria rose within her. While her fingers and toes prickled, her head felt heavy. She could so easily drift away here as well. Gently she gasped and laughed as Runa started kissing her neck carefully. They had leaped in the fog, grasping for pleasure, now relaxing into each other after. Their trust and bond was unprecedented, she wouldn’t have believed it unless she experienced it. With bliss and joy she processed this amazing moment, and their spine tingling pleasure in awe. It felt so right, yet again nothing terrible had gripped her. No fear, terror or pain, just her. A force of strength and softness, warmth and thrill. Still she was absolutely dumbfounded she liked this so much, that everything they dared to do felt absolutely heavenly. It was easy now, to actually move past that horrible day. Everything was easy, when with her. In Runa’s arms she was genuinely safe, cared for, and considered. Even when asking for it, Runa had made sure. God she was good, they were so good, together.

“Oh my god Runa, how is this even for real?” She couldn’t help but ask her, she felt herself tear up as she said it. The ache and joy lingered within her, she let go of her hair and moved her upper arm over her eyes. In the darkness the bliss erupted out her chest in quiet sobs. It shook against Runa, who quickly moved their cheeks together and bathed her with kisses.
“I don’t know.” She whimpered in sweet tones. Gently she moved her arm aside and stroked her other cheek, shushed her so sweetly while murmuring:
“But I’m so glad it’s happening.” Sofie nodded and sniffled, embraced her head with both arms again, lowering her grip to stroke her wide soft shoulderblades.
“And that was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.” Runa uttered with wide awe in her beautiful thin voice.
“Oh no don’t say that.” Sofie groaned exhaustively with wide embarrassment. Runa giggled gently.
“Sorry it’s just..” She responded quickly and sighed.
“I think I melted a little, hearing you.” She added more tenderly. Hearing it made her chuckle with embarrassment. Though it was nice to know she liked hearing it.
“Well I actually melted.” She responded gleefully.
“You melt then, while I burn.” Runa said smugly, it felt like a reference to her terribly intense poetry, uttered absentmindedly while gripped with emotion. Sofie burst into tired laughter, it took so little in their euphoric state.
“You can’t burn and melt simultaneously.” She commented gleefully. While still gasping gently, Runa chuckled along with her.
“Sure I can.” Her entire face prickled with embarrassment, it seemed however uncomfortable her serenade had made her; she forgave her quickly.
“Not according to the laws of physics.” Sofie commented with glee, finally calming her giggles.
“Well fuck that! I’ll invent a new law of physics.” Runa uttered vigorously, had her burst into another tired laughter. It was so clear she didn’t really know what that was, which somehow made it even funnier.
“Yeah I’ll be like: My fire drips, because I say so! So fuck you world!” Though she seemed to grasp it somewhat. Her defiance conjured up an angry bitter being flipping off the heavens, defying its laws for the sake of vandalizing creation itself, melting the fire within its soul into water. Sofie wheezed while gripping her, laughed with a tightening stomach, as if her abdominal muscles weren’t tired enough. Runa paused with her words seemingly to let her calm down to breathe, but chuckled against her face nonetheless.
“Well maybe not, I’d thank the world instead, for giving me you.” She uttered in murmurs while pouting against her cheek, Sofie felt it prickle warmly like static by her statement.
“I’d rather just thank you.” She responded exhaustively and hugged her close, embraced her while finally breathing deeply. She grinned in the darkness, teared up so quietly when Runa started pecking her cheek gently. Slowly she was beginning to cool down, though it took longer with Runa over her, she didn’t mind.
“It felt like you were reaching inside me.” Sofie commented, Runa lowered her hand and stroked near her groin against her inner thigh, tickling her carefully.
“Did it? You mean here?” She asked smugly, Sofie grinned and shook her head still against her cheek. Let go of her shoulders and gripped the hand by her thigh. Lifted it up to right between her own breasts, and said softly:
“No, I mean here.” She felt it still, just a bit more of herself remained inside the shell, even after they were done.
“Oh Sofie.” Runa whispered softly, before she quickly moved down and lowered her head. Removed her hand and started kissing her skin firmly and slowly. Gently her wide hands and arms embraced her. Pressing between her back and the sheets. The covers had been pushed to the side during the first round, now they laid in this dark damp room, open to the air inside. Sofie chuckled as her chest mushed, Runa was so sweet. As her pecks continued as if to try and reach into her center, Sofie stroked the back of her head again. Caressing her curls and neck slowly while savoring yet another blissful moment. How she wished to stay like this for days and nights, being endlessly touched, kissed and held. Her embrace was the blessing of a lifetime, she was sure. A force so good it truly could heal her. She didn’t even know it, but she was saving her. In the days leading up to their second meeting she had started planning it. Distancing herself from everyone, to die unremarkably while laying in the woods, taking in the summer breeze and greenery for the last time. Now that felt impossible, the last thing she wanted was to leave her here in this cruel world. To miss just a moment with her. Runa had said it so well yesterday, hearing it had mixed her aching adoration and glowing lust together. Just like it had done minutes ago. Life was so beautiful now, with their instant connection proving her deathwish wrong on every level. She vowed to live for her, if nothing else helped, she’d gladly do it all, only for her.

“Is it working?” Runa asked playfully while still kissing her. Sofie lifted her hand forwards and stroked her hairline, before lowering it to her warm soft cheeks.
“Yes of course.” She answered softly. Runa started gently rubbing her face in her cleavage, stroking her nose and lips on her breasts. She sighed deeply below her, seemed to be enjoying herself. The notion boiled and mushed her chest. Sofie stroked her hairline again.
“You’re so adorable.” She whispered as blazing and calming euphoria finally started to hit her. Now that her mind was clear and her body had completely calmed down. It shone inside her like a furnace. And gripped at her affection while soothing her soul. Runa started sniffing her playfully, groaning happily while slowly moving her head up.
“Do I smell good?” Sofie asked amused, Runa nodded near her face and chuckled.
“Mmm yes.” She answered, before leaning in and sniffing hard against her cheek.
“You smell so sweet, I could sniff you all day.” She added, before rapidly kissing her. Sofie giggled and moved her hands around her shoulders and neck. Runa started tickling her right ribs, pressure rose in her stomach as the bright sensation made her laugh. After a bit she stopped, and groaned firmly against her face.
“Nevermind, that’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.” She commented firmly. Sofie gasped gently, stroked her nape and sighed slowly and deeply with bliss. There was something about the sounds of her happiness being perceived as beautiful, that really struck her with bliss. Whether it was her moan or laugh, which Runa seemed undecided on, it gave her blazing joy either way. The euphoria lingered inside her, silence happened gently while Runa leaned to the side, and pressed their lips together. Still the gentlest of friction on her lips prickled them with soft sensations, their lips were ingulfed with her drool. It made her embarrassment flare up, but it quickly faded against her lips. 

Sofie released after quite a few seconds, and grinned in the darkness with hot cheeks.
“Can we turn on the lights already?” She asked softly, attempting to keep her impatience calm within her.
“Sure, hold on.” Runa answered quickly and moved away from her. In the darkness the absence of her touch felt empty. She heard the shuffling of fabrics, before Runa crawled over her again before laying down, now with the duvet over them both. While blushing harder from feeling completely covered by her, she finally heard a click, and the bedside lamp was turned on. 

It was so bright at first, dazzling her while Runa was still over her. But she moved back and gripped the covers, pressed it up to her collarbones from underneath. Sofie turned her body to the side, and moved her left arm out of the duvet. Helped her fold it in front of herself, her eyes were gentle as she seemed to appreciate the gesture. Still her face was so firm in its softness, her deeply brown irises weren’t glossy with tears. Rather they gleamed with fondness. Long black lashes framed her big eyes, Sofie moved her hand against her brown cheek and stroked it. Gazed first at her slim nose, before looking down at her dark lips. Sharp in the cupid’s bow, though still slim. Her bottom lip was bigger, but not by much, and softly curved. When she smiled her upper lip stretched and thickened, giving her stomach fluttering warmth. She looked up at her warm eyes again, and watched carefully for that hint of amber looking back at her. She moved her hand up and stroked some of her curly short hair away from her ear, and tugged it behind it. 

Here she was, in all her glory. Strong, fierce and beautiful. Despite all the wonderful and intimate actions they had performed together, somehow staring so close to her face, observing her eyes and expression felt equally intimate. The windows to her beautiful soul, shone brightly back at her with tenderness. In others expressions were subtler and harder to read. Somehow, every face she pulled felt wide and obvious. How many people had looked at this stunning face and not seen the softness, or the kindness in her eyes? For how many years had the potency of her strength and benevolence been overlooked? If she was hers forever, she’d make sure to never ever overlook her, to always assume better than she had been before. She stroked her cheek gently with her fingertips, observed the silence and relaxation it brought. After everything they had done, was it too early to ask? Would it be a relief for her, knowing she wanted her indefinitely? Or would she feel obligated to say yes, just to not hurt her feelings? I really am yours, she wanted to say. So rest, I’m here now.
“Runa?” She whispered, quickly she got her reply.
“Hm?” She said back louder, stared at her intently with a spine-tinglingly tender expression.
“I just wanted you to know that..” Sofie continued and looked down, gazed inwards. How to imply it strongly enough, without making her feel like she had to commit to her? Without completely overwhelming her, or to not be overbearing? Runa frowned her slim black brows gently, moved her wide soft hand up from the duvet to stroke her chin, and lifted it up.
“That.. what?” She said and grinned, but she seemed nervous. There was no need for that, Sofie smiled widely back at her, feeling slightly embarrassed.
“It’s nothing big, I just wanted to say that I..” She continued while she chuckled, before relaxing again. She gripped her cheek with the palm of her hand, Runa lifted her hand up to her bangs and moved it to the side.
“.. that I plan on staying, to see where this goes. I hope that’s okay.” For just a moment Runa widened her eyes, the whites of them expanded around her brown irises. Then she leaned her head a bit back, smiled widely with her white straight softly-edged teeth, making her belly and spine tingle. And laughed vigorously in the moments after.
“Well of course that’s okay!” She responded loudly, before sighing firmly with a wide quiet smile. She frowned her brows still in a happy expression, and started touching her hair. Carefully she stroked it backwards, pulling her fingers through it. The sensations against her scalp felt comfortable, she grinned back at her with prickling cheeks.
“Good to know.” Runa said further, her tone was relaxed and mellow with glee. Sofie pressed her nose and lips on her cheek closest to the pillow and closed her eyes. Wasn’t it obvious? She sighed deeply while relaxing even more.
“Isn’t it?” She responded playfully and lifted her hand to the curls near her ear, stroked them carefully. Seemingly hinting at knowing it back. Before she leaned her shoulders against her. Slowly she moved over her and lowered her head, nuzzled her face down into her neck while Runa still stroked her hair.
“I feel the same.” She uttered carefully while lowering her hand to her shoulderblades, and pushed some hair aside before stroking it. Sofie relaxed her face fully in the growing bliss, in the warmth of her torso she felt herself tiring.
“Good.” She responded softly. Runa’s hand caressed her strands more firmly in wider movements, as far down as she could reach and up again. The sensations felt like a sharp massage. She groaned and grinned, laid like that for quite some time, just feeling her fingers run up and down her back. But eventually she felt a gentle kiss near her hairline, before Runa broke the silence with her sweet voice:
“Hey, you still want to watch a movie?” She asked so softly. Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks, moved back in front of her face. Now above her, her long thick hair fell over their heads. Runa grinned with her teeth, stared back with tender eyes. The sight of her brown face, and deeply brown eyes made her stomach flutter yet again.
“We can kiss.” Runa whispered further in a light and unserious tone, she barred her eyes open excitedly, seemed so playful in her calmness. Sofie grinned back and nodded, lifted her hand to her cheek and stroked it. Gasped theatrically.
“Oh, can we really?” She asked amused and smiled.
“Mmmhmmm.” Runa answered enthusiastically and nodded slowly. Sofie chuckled and leaned down, pressed their now dried lips together. Firmly her spine shivered as gentle friction pressed against them. She closed her eyes while Runa pressed her closer into a firm embrace and groaned gently. Her stomach fluttered hard when heat blossomed all around her. Making her blush with a slowly raising heartbeat. It was hard to let go when the bliss rose, to leave this warm bed as the moment pushed on. To remove herself from her soft skin, when it stroked hers so wonderfully. But eventually she did.

After going to the bathroom in Runa’s morning robe she had returned to see her fully clothed. Right in front of her she herself had gotten dressed, blushing and smiling at her while doing so. Being seen by her was such a thrill, such a welcomed treat for them both it seemed. She didn’t want to think about leaving, when the present was this wonderful. A movie was a good idea, to put her mind off it. Runa would easily find a way to distract them both, if watching it wasn’t enough.

*

Runa put the VHS tape to the film; Anastasia into the player. The movie started at the beginning without needing to be rewinded. It began with horse drawn carriages and winter palaces, narrated by an old woman speaking Norwegian. Runa moved her arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, leaned them into the pillows placed against the wall, along the narrow bed. It had been so many years since she had seen this one, she didn’t remember the plot at all. Or maybe she had never seen it?
“Oh the animation is so pretty.” She whispered impulsively, Sofie kissed her cheek just once and whispered into her ear:
“You’re pretty.” Runa grinned and moved her left hand into her ribs, tickled her swiftly. Sofie giggled and gripped her hard in return.
“Ruunaa I’m trying to watch.” She complained amidst her sweet laughter, Runa stopped and chuckled.
“Oh I’m so sorry, I thought we were gonna kiss, silly me.” She commented playfully, Sofie leaned in quickly and pecked her firmly.
“I just wanna watch the beginning first.” She answered seemingly amused. Runa felt her stomach tremble as she nodded and held her close. Both quieted after and the scene went on. A fancy ball, the old woman giving her granddaughter a small round golden music box. Shortly after, a comically evil villain came forth. A slim black haired man with a long beard, cursing the family for being banished. Sofie grinned and shook her head, chuckled to herself.
“What?” Runa whispered, Sofie looked at her and said back:
“I’ll tell you later.” After he sold his soul to a green tornado looking portal, it sucked his flesh off his bones. Runa frowned, it was strangely grotesque for a kids movie.
“Oh fuck.” She said so quietly, Sofie chuckled and pressed their cheeks together. Little creatures like bats glowing radiantly in green, emerged from his strange tube-like glass pendant. When the creatures opened the grand gates into the palace, so an angry mob could enter; Sofie chuckled again. The little girl wanted her music box, went back to get it and went through the servant’s quarters with the grandmother, led by a little boy. They got out but the girl was lost after missing the train, failing to catch up to it. And then there was another day, ten years later, showing off a dingy and poor city. Worn down with struggling people, singing about some rumour. 

Sofie turned towards her right at the beginning of the silly song, and smiled smugly at her. Runa grinned, lifted her left hand and stroked her bangs behind her ear, before caressing her cheek.
“Still watching?” She asked softly, pouting playfully at her. Sofie smiled beautifully and shook her head, leaned in and almost had their lips meet. It seemed she wanted to finally kiss, but then she started speaking:
“I was gonna tell you about how Rasputin, that weird guy; he was actually real and Russian assassins I think, tried to kill him many times. He had to be shot point blank in the head before actually dying.” Sofie moved back and spoke hurriedly with wide eyes, Runa still held her cheek, listened intently while the noises from the movie disrupted it. When she stopped and looked so sweetly at her, it felt comical. What a murderous story coming out of such a sweet girl. Runa narrowed her eyes and smiled.
“Why did they kill him?” A fair question she assumed, even in the movie it was unclear why the royal family and that guy hated each other. Sofie breathed in to speak, grinned at her vividly, Runa braced herself with warm cheeks.
“‘Cause he convinced the queen he was some sort of healer for her sick son, but he was a con artist of course. The people rebelled against the imperial family because they were starving and poor. And Rasputin was a part of that aristocracy they hated so much.” She added hurriedly, Runa gripped her other cheek and squeezed them together when she was done.
“So the family never hated him, like in the movie?” Runa asked further, Sofie shook her head proudly and rolled her eyes.
“No, they just made it up, obviously.” She responded, still in Runa’s tight grip her smugness was so adorable. Runa leaned in and pecked her cheek, and commented endearingly with a fluttering stomach:
“You’re like a Lexicon.” Sofie smiled and looked down at her mouth. Perhaps rows and rows of thick books lived in her head. Of knowledge alphabetized about all topics of the world. Could she open them whenever she needed to in her mind’s eye? To the page about some Russian revolution at the get go?
“So you like Lexicons then?” She asked playfully, Runa chuckled and raised her brows, pressed her closer.
“I like this one.” She answered softly, Sofie giggled and closed her eyes, leaned back for just a moment before looking over at the movie. Some scenes about that girl now all grown up, singing while walking on the snow, meeting a little dog. It wasn’t that interesting, so Runa leaned in on her cheek and pecked it, Sofie turned her head before they finally kissed again.

Gently they found a rhythm with their lips and tongues, it seemed automatic at this point. She felt her torso heat up, shaking blistering heat through her spine and into her stomach and chest. Despite them having been intimate twice already, indeed despite them having kissed so much throughout the day; she wanted more. It seemed Sofie did too, time flew in the tenderness and wetness. Fading in a wonderful soft blur.

But then Sofie stopped and leaned back, gasped and grinned so cutely.
“Oh wait, I remember this part.” She said so happily. The young woman with red hair and her little dog broke into the old palace, she walked into vast dusty rooms before staring into a mirror. Then she started singing:
“Dancing steps, comforting laps. Childhood memories I hide. And a verse that we sang, sometime deep in December.” In a whisper she heard Sofie hum along with the melody so perfectly. However her full singing voice sounded, she could already hear that it was beautiful. The melody was quite enchanting, like a lullaby sung softly in a dream. With orchestral instruments the song bloated fantastically.
“Someone holds me tight and warm, horses run in the land of storms. Dreams are fetching every jewel, from the depth of my soul.” Sofie gasped quietly beside her, the imagery changed. In the grand old hall the woman swayed back and forth at a standstill, so tiny compared to the vast space around her. Glowing human figures burst like dust out of numerous enormous paintings, hung above the rows of large windows. They danced in pairs like ghosts down to the floor before spinning around her. Elegant opera singing and a burst of classical instruments added flavor to the wonderful imagery. She sang and bowed to them as the pairs of dances greeted her, dancing with them endlessly in a sad melody filled with such longing. From a childhood gone, out of grasp. Of memories once known, now lost to the mists of time. The melody matched that feeling so perfectly.
“Someone holds me tight and warm, horses run in the land of storms.” She sang so beautifully, touched the hands of a few women in fancy sparkling dresses, before being gifted a necklace by them. They put it over her head while she sang with fantastical sadness.
“Dreams are fetching every jewel, from the depth of my soul.” She twirled in sparkling sand before changing into a light yellow glittering dress, before waltzing with numerous men, belting her heart as the opera and instruments played vividly.
“Time passes by, year by year. Memories I hide away fade. Of things I barely understand, of things that I can only sense.” The woman sings amidst it all.

Runa frowned her brows and observed the father of the family now lost, dancing with her, kissing her forehead while the tones she sang turned higher and sadder. The woman sang on while her father let go, moving away from her. She fell gently down on her knees and sang the highest note right at the end.
“And a verse that we sang, sometime deep in December.” Runa’s eyes teared up while the obsidian stirred gently inside her chest. Despite never having a parental figure caring enough for displays of affection, at least when she was a child: She felt a kinship to that feeling of longing.
“God that song is just so beautiful.” Sofie commented gently before looking over at her, then her face softened to a sad but amused expression.
“Awe Runa, are you crying?” She asked so sweetly and lifted her hand, stroked her cheek carefully while Runa looked down and nodded, sniffled just once.
“Just a little.” She answered and chuckled. Indeed that longing she had known for a long time, but now she realized; some of it had already faded just by being with her. Just by feeling her skin, hearing her sweet words, knowing she cared, the void inside was filling.  Something about jewels in her soul, about being held and feeling safe. She wanted to say something romantic to let her know. Sofie gazed at her so warmly, with the blue in her eyes like sapphires even in this warm light. They glimmered from her bright flame, shining on her with radiance. The voices from the movie faded to the background, Runa lifted her hand and stroked her fair soft hair.
“Your eyes are like jewels, shining deep into my soul.” She whispered to her, Sofie grinned broadly with her pearly white teeth. Her cheeks turned bright pink as she tilted her head and gazed at her with tenderness.
“Not bad.” She commented in a sigh, Runa looked down and grinned stiffly, mild embarrassment flushed on her cheeks from within.
“A bit cliche for a poem, I know.” She whispered timidly, Sofie lowered her head and leaned down on her. Kissed her lips just once before she answered somewhat smugly:
“No no, it was charming.” Runa leaned in and pecked her back, whispered between a movement:
“Charming?”
“Mhm, you’re so cute and charming.” Sofie answered playfully, before kissing her again. So quickly it began once more, shameless in her starvation Sofie embraced her head and leaned over her. Opened her mouth yet again to feel her tongue. It did indeed seem like she liked her lame attempt at poetry. Sure Sofie could describe sunsets and lagoons, and souls of fire bursting through skin. But failing was apparently endearing, so she intended to keep trying. Undoubtedly being doted on in the process of actually getting good at it, already she looked forward to it.

-

Yet again they had embraced while falling into jackets hung on the wall. As if they were saying goodbye to be separated for a long time, Sofie kissed her so vigorously. Though a sullen energy was strung about her, in her blue gaze it dimmed with growing sadness. Runa released and stroked her cheek, noticed a single tear falling from her eye.
“We’ll see each other tomorrow, it’s okay.” She said softly to reassure her, and stroked the tear away with her finger. Sofie grinned sweetly and sniffled, looked down with pink cheeks.
“It’s not that. It’s.. well.” She answered firstly, sighed deeply and continued:
“Today has been so perfect, I don’t want my mom to ruin it.” A sadness spread inside herself as well, she frowned at her and stroked her bangs to the side.
“Right, that.” She responded, Sofie nodded again and looked to the side. Runa knew nothing she said could make it better, lost for wisdom she could only offer her comfort.
“I’m here for you, even when we’re apart.” She said softly to her, Sofie smiled weakly and looked back at her. How sad was it that her judgemental mother had to loom over whatever was blossoming between them. Sofie wasn’t granted the peace she got from her parents. They already knew, didn’t mind it one bit when she had come to them crying, over the girl pretending to like her. They had other priorities she reckoned, she knew now more than ever; how boundless their love was for her. Now that she was bearing witness to someone being without it. Such a tragedy it was that Sofie’s joy could not be embraced fully. It even made her tear up, her chest sank with gentle despair.
“You shouldn’t have to go through any of this.” She added, Sofie’s glossy eyes lit up in her embrace. So beautifully her smile widened to a more hopeful expression.
“I don’t know how to help, but.. whatever I can do, tell me and I’ll do it.” Runa added hurriedly, Sofie grinned with her teeth, tears trickled down her pale pink cheeks.
“You’re so sweet.” She whimpered with a trembling lower lip. Runa moved both hands on her cheeks and stroked her tears, frowned at her as her chest spiked with growing sadness.
“Oh no Sofieee.” She groaned to her, Sofie giggled and pressed their faces together.
“I wish I could stay the night, that’d help for sure. But I don’t even know how to convince mom to let me for the weekend.” She whispered so sullenly, Runa stroked her nose against hers while still gripping her head. Quickly she started sobbing rather soundlessly, Runa let go of her head and embraced it with both her arms, pressed her as close as she could.
“I wanna stay.” She sobbed in a loud desperate voice. Runa nodded and continued to embrace her, still her chest hurt for her.
“Oh I know I know, I’m sure we’ll find a way soon.” She said amidst Sofie’s sniffles and sighs, quickly she calmed down. Runa withdrew and gripped both her cheeks again, observed Sofie’s wet beautiful face and sighed. Gently she wiped her tears with her thumbs, Sofie looked up at her still with wet eyes, and smiled gently.
“God, how am I supposed to keep it together in the car?” She asked in a shaky whisper and frowned her brows. Runa leaned in and kissed her wet cheek, whispered back against it:
“Just tell her.. you don’t want to talk. That you’re tired and need some peace and quiet.” She suggested, leaned back and saw Sofie nod softly while looking down. She sniffled and cleared her throat, gazed up at her again. Now with a little less sadness, and a bit more joy.
“That could work.” She responded more clearly, sighed after and leaned in on her, kissed her tenderly with wet warm lips, she tasted just a bit salty.
“I’m gonna miss you.” She mumbled between a movement, Runa nodded still kissing her and said back as tenderly as she could:
“I’ll miss you too.” Before she released and added:
“Call me, if anything happens.” Sofie nodded hurriedly and smiled, said:
“Yeah okay.” Her tone deepened in sadness, the ache rose within her and she felt herself tear up. She nodded her head and leaned in with desperation. In need to kiss their hurt away she pecked her hard, Sofie moved her hands from her back and up to her nape and curls, stroked them eagerly and gasped when they opened their mouths. For a few glorious seconds they kissed deeply with wet warm tongues. It sent hot wonderful shivers up her spine, gave her stomach flutters all over again. Amidst an increasing pulse she savored every moment of it. But then they heard a car drive into the driveway and stop, they knew yet again: It was time.

They released, Sofie was already dressed and ready. Runa bent down and grabbed her backpack on the floor, gave it to her with a sad smile. Sofie took it and put it on her shoulder, leaned in and pecked her hard before finally letting go. She opened the door, paused to look at her just one more time.
“See you tomorrow.” Runa said to her, the reminder of their next moments together was enough to coax one last smile out of her. She nodded and sighed, went out the door and ran down the stairs. Outside the wind blew right in her face as she placed herself against the doorframe and looked out. Sofie paused and waved in the darkness, she waved back. Looked over at her mother staring at her from inside the car, her features were hard to see without the light on inside. For just a moment when Sofie opened the door to the front seat and sat herself in, before throwing her backpack into the backseat, and the light turned on inside the car. Runa saw her darker blue eyes gazing straight at her. Her pale sharp face right with silent judgement. 

She closed the door and turned around, went out into the bigger hallway where she saw a TV being on in the dark livingroom, lighting it up with colorful light. Just before she was about to turn to walk up the stairs, she heard Harrald speak.
“Hey Runa, come here.” He said hurriedly, she jumped a bit by the sudden sound, but listened quickly and poked her head into the doorway.
“Oh, hey.” She responded and sighed, before walking in and sitting down on the couch closest to the door. Harrald sat in the armchair, a floor lamp bending over it lit up his lap, and the book in his hands. He folded the upper corner of a page and closed it slowly, raised his gaze to hers and smiled.
“I just wanted to ask how it’s going with you two.” He said so calmly with gentle eyes.
“Oh.” Said Runa and cleared her throat, dried her clammy hands on her thighs, over her black jeans.
“Right, it’s going well.” She answered nervously, somehow now that so much had happened between them, talking about it felt even more awkward.
“And the talk we had on Sunday, has it.. helped?” He asked further, still so very carefully. She looked away, felt herself blushing while her spine tightened.
“Yup, mhm.” She answered hesitantly. He chuckled and sighed, seemed focused with his intent.
“And she respects your boundaries?” He asked further, she nodded while still looking away, stared at the program on TV. Some documentary about a tribe in Africa. They spoke in clicks and whistles, hunted in the savanna, jogging after their prey for days and days.
“You with hers too, right?” He added, stole her attention from the program back to his gaze. She nodded and looked down, sighed with warmth spreading in her chest. Though both their boundaries were sort of smudgy, some was clear. Nudity and touch, at least for herself. Even though they bent in the moment, impulsive as they were. It had felt right, even now with a clear head she remembered it fondly.
“Good good.” He replied calmly and looked at the TV for a few moments.
“So if there’s anything you want to say, or ask, about anything at all. It’s okay, even if it is a bit embarrassing. I’m all ears.” He said further, as if rehearsed to make her the least amount of uncomfortable, though it was unavoidable that she was exactly that. Questions rushed in: When do I know if I’m ready? When should I be ready?  The amount of pleasure that erupted from so little, drowning them both from reason. Was what they already had normal? Quickly wonderful memories of Sofie glimmered in her mind’s eye. With soft lips and blushing cheeks, amidst moans, groans and breaths, she had been irresistible. Her highly pitched scream of pleasure so spine-tingling, it melted her groin against her. So take me to somewhere only you can. Fuck, how is she supposed to keep her wits about her, when Sofie was so damn intoxicating? Where the lines blurred in the madness that scorched her body, dulling her mind with hot vapor. How would she be able to say no when engulfed with lust?

“Uhm..” She started it with, sighed hard and tightened her shoulders, looked down and gripped her thighs firmly.
“We’re in the beginning of figuring out.. things. Neither of us are ready for.. everything.” She finally uttered with a shaky voice. Harrald leaned back in his chair and grinned at her, seemed happy for her.
“That’s understandable, it’s only been two days.” He commented gently, seemed surprisingly calm while she was stressing out. Though she knew logically it was as he said, somehow when he said it, did she realize: Yesterday they kissed for the first time, and already they had done so much together. It didn’t feel like two days, more like a week. Dense passion, numerous conversations, endless kisses, so many tears. Indeed so much had happened, in a timeframe she normally didn’t pay much attention to. How the hell is that even normal? It didn’t feel wrong, she acknowledged, every moment with her felt more right than she had ever felt. Is that what people sing about, when they cry out for their soulmate? And instant deep effortless connection? Was it actually a real thing? Or was this a young love kind of thing? Naive and rushed, boundless and intense, until it wasn’t? Like a match bursting into flame before burning out quickly. Somehow despite knowing she didn’t know any better, she still felt something else was going on already. Something real, binding them both together. 

So she giggled and nodded.
“Right, two days.” She said and sighed slowly and deeply. The nervousness grew, she told herself to focus. Away from that deep romantic longing, she needed to stay at the physicality of it all. She didn’t want to be restricted by her own insecurity, didn’t want to hold back with her. When the time came, she wanted to dare.
“How do I know if I’m ready for.. anything at all?” She finally asked hesitantly. Harrald sighed and looked to the side, grabbed the remote on the armrest of his chair and turned the sound off the TV.
“Well you follow that feeling we talked about. That warm, happy, and secure feeling. You can want something even if you’re nervous about it.” He answered softly, his focus was firm but his expression was relaxed.
“But what’s the difference between wanting to, but feeling nervous, and actually being doubtful about it?” Runa asked hurriedly, the words exited her mouth before she could think them. He listened and paused, looked up to the side for a few moments. Below the lamp lighting up his lap his forehead wrinkles gathered below his balding head. Quickly he looked down at her again and answered with conviction:
“I’d say the amount of your want, is what you should consider.” Quickly she shot back with another question:
“But how do I know what I want when in the heat of the moment, when it’s just so..” Intense, heated, blurry, hot, pleasurable.
“..much.” She added in a loud whisper.
“Well, then you slow down, and give yourself time to think.” He answered quickly. So fast such wonderful memories slipped into her mind, showing her when Sofie had moved her hand swiftly over her underwear. How damn good she had felt, while so deep in the dark. She had lost herself so easily. Maybe she actually didn’t have much self control after all? Even worse, Sofie clearly didn’t either. They could push each other’s boundaries without even meaning to. They already have. The biting, though it hadn’t been awful, she knew the moment it happened that she tensed up about it. They had dared to talk about it, and made new boundaries after they had rushed through the old ones. The notion relieved her a bit, despite realizing she was most likely incapable of pausing at all.

She had the wits to stop herself from saying any more, instead she moved her hands over her face and groaned. Maybe they had rushed into it, and jumped into pleasure too quickly? The responsibility for both herself, and Sofie, felt so big now. Like morality itself weighed on her shoulders, she never wanted to be the kind of person who pushed her, or made her uncomfortable. What’s the worst that can happen from rushing like this? It was hard to picture the consequences even now, but it could still be pending. Somehow that made panic rise within her, not knowing made her uneasy.
“Maybe we have rushed, shit I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.” She complained in another groan, and heard Harrald get up from his chair and tread barefoot across the room. He sat down beside her and patted her shoulder, chuckled at her like she was silly.
“Easy now Runa, breathe.” He reassured her so calmly. She sighed deeply and nodded, lowered her hands into her lap and unclenched her neck.
“What are you thinking?” He asked further, she looked at him for a moment. Going into details still felt so embarrassing. So she looked away and swallowed the spit in her mouth.
“Well..” She said and cleared her throat. “I’m thinking that; I have to pay attention to so much. Gotta know what I want and consider how I feel, but also, be you know.. aware of her and if she expresses discomfort and.. listen to what she says to me. And I don’t want to..” She sighed deeply and smiled, looked up and chuckled at herself. Harrald stroked her shoulder and nodded to her.
“.. accidentally push her, or not be able to listen to her the way I want to.” She continued rather hurriedly. “Though she does make it easy for me. She’s very vocal in what she wants.” She finally finished speaking, he smiled to her with warmth in his green eyes, patted her shoulder hard and said:
“That’s great Runa, you’re understanding the responsibility of it. You’re doing so good already.” He said so enthusiastically and smiled with his teeth.
“I am?” Runa asked and sighed, relaxed her shoulders again.
“Yes, you are.” He responded calmly, and sighed, focused harder on her, added firmly but still with joy in his tone:
“You’re allowed to deny her requests.” Runa nodded and looked down, frowned her brows while receiving his wisdom.
“Yeah I know.” She whispered quickly.
“But also, relax. It’s supposed to be fun, supposed to feel good. Just laugh, connect and relax together.” His words quickly conjured images of their numerous sweet kisses, laughs and jokes amidst the pleasure, that feeling of inner peace while in her arms. She grinned to herself, looked down with hot prickling cheeks. The warmth of those memories were enough to unclench her neck completely, she felt her heart beating just a bit faster. So they were doing it right, without even realizing? Maybe it was instinctual in some way?
“Oh we’ve done plenty of that.” She whispered to him so hesitantly. He smiled with warm eyes and nodded.
“That’s great.” He said softly.
“It seems you’ve let her in so easily.” He added more carefully. She nodded and smiled.
“Oh yeah.” She responded and cleared her throat. Added further:
“It’s kinda wild, actually.” She sighed and paused to think. That yearning below her awareness awakening through one phonecall. Or the complete trust in her words, while hearing her voice of reason yesterday. There was something in the way she was listened to, and spoken to, that made her rise from despair. She realized now, after comparing being seen by her to how her parents saw her: That that was it. She recognized the dignity they gave her, the patience and kindness they have familiarized her with. Of course she fell right into her arms, feeling comfortable to her core when it was given to her, only tenfold.
“I’m surprised too but.. Everything about her feels so right, I forget myself. I know we’re probably rushing, but it feels more like we’re catching up. It’s like she can see me, just like you guys do.” She said softly, felt a pressure emerge behind her eyes. Sofie complimenting her endlessly, stroking her back, neck, hair, kissing her impulsively throughout the day. It wasn’t just the pleasure melting them together, she already knew. But something deep within herself calmed in her arms, made her sure of herself in a way she didn’t know was possible.
“She’s been telling me non stop how beautiful and kind I am. And she’s very touchy feely too.” Runa added and looked to the side. Harrald tilted his head beside her, frowned his brows in her side vision.
“And it’s not too much for you?” He asked carefully, she grinned and shook her head, looked up and chuckled.
“Well, maybe a little bit. When she says my eyes and touch are like fire, and that she feels my warmth through them. Or that I am pure, and cleanse her with my caring.” She answered and smiled with her teeth, it was quite comical. Harrald leaned back and laughed, before responding a bit too loudly:
“Holy shit.” She giggled along with him and nodded, said:
“I know right? I think she reads poetry or something.”
“It sure sounds like she does.” Harrald commented as he calmed down. Runa leaned back completely and closed her eyes, sighed while feeling the warmth of their memories together. The endless caresses and sweet words, knowing without a doubt she was adored for just being there. Inside she was calming down, from the uptight hyperawareness making her always look over her shoulder, to something else, someone else. She opened her eyes and gazed over at him.
“It’s refreshing too though, I don’t need to doubt if she wants me around or not. I can relax and just joke around. And when she holds me I just feel so at peace.” She confessed softly and looked down. Did Sofie open her eyes? Showing her what she is like to be around, when not insulted and ridiculed? It felt like she could see herself clearer. With her she was a normal person, a funny, flirty, conversational person. 

She lowered her face and focused on him. His pale angular face and bright green eyes were swallowed in shadows.
“I know it’s silly, we barely know each other, but she just pulls something out of me. I can actually be good, and fun, and caring, you know?” She uttered more clearly, he nodded and smiled.
“I see that too, you seem relaxed, and happy. I for one hope she sticks around.” He commented softly, she grinned and looked down. Responded in a calm but gleeful tone:
“Yeah, me too. Just now, she didn’t want to leave.” It sank as she continued more sullenly: “She has said she wants to see where this goes, but her mom is homophobic. I’m really worried she’ll leave, even if she doesn’t want to. Just ‘cause it’s too much for her.” Harrald stroked her shoulder again, moved his hand to her back and pulled her closer to him. She leaned their heads together and felt herself tear up so quickly.
“That could happen, yes. But also, it might not.” He said with careful tenderness. “Try to not to get hung up on it, we’ll deal with it if it happens.” She lowered her head and nodded, sniffled before clearing her throat and leaning away.
“For now, let’s just be happy about this, yeah?” He added further, she grinned with hot cheeks and nodded. Looked up at him as he stared back smiling.
“It’s so nice to finally see you be appreciated.” He commented lastly and yawned, she got up from the brown leather couch and nodded further.
“You got that right.” She commented, they chuckled softly together before she stepped further away and cleared her throat.
“Yeah okay so, I think I’m gonna go work out, is that okay?” She asked hurriedly, he got up and patted her cheek.
“This late? No music then, Marion has already gone to bed. And so will I.” He commented and yawned again, she nodded and turned around.
“I won’t. Yeah I have been kinda busy today. And besides, Sofie likes that I’m strong.” She responded to him, he chuckled and passed her.
“Of course she does.” Before entering the bathroom under the stairs. She ran up the stairs and went into her quiet and dark bedroom. The covers were pulled to the side, right where they had laid and kissed, moved and touched, it was so empty now. Her phone on the nightstand buzzed twice, she picked it up and read what she assumed it was:
Sofie: | Good night, miss you <3 xo :( Sleep well. | She grinned, while reading, slowly her smile faded. Sofie seemed so sad, how she wished to take that away from her. To make sure she only harbored happiness instead. Indeed this might be too much for her, having a mom like that. A lump appeared in her throat, amidst the flutters of her crush tension lingered. Hurriedly she started texting back:
| miss u 2, u ok? we can call <3 xo | And sent it, before sitting down at the place they had been, though the sheets were cold by now, it still made her chest heat up. Remembering the pleasure melting them together, every touch and kiss, gasp and moan, every sweet word uttered between them. Indeed she’d never be the same, even if Sofie chose to leave. She laid down on her back, placed the cellphone on her belly and lifted her hands up to her face. Groaned into them with aching and bliss, hurt and longing. I’m falling so hard for her already, fuck. 

Her phone buzzed twice again, she let go of her face and grabbed the phone, moved it up to her line of sight.
Sofie: | I’m sad but ok. Just wants to sleep, so time pass faster. Good night xo | Hurriedly she started texting back, while the ache remained in her chest, she wrote:
| ok, good night <3 xoxo | How she wished to stroke her long velvety hair, and soft back till she fell asleep. To soothe her sadness with tender whispers and keep her dreams in her embrace all night long. Maybe Sofie would talk her up enough and hope she says yes? But how well could she actually do that, when she couldn’t tell her how she felt? How they both felt about each other?

Runa sighed hard, put the phone on her bedside table and sat up. They hadn’t taken a nap today, she felt it in her head and neck, with heavy eyes she yawned. It had been such a long day. Still she knew, it had been the best damn day of her life. Though she yearned for sleep too, to fall exhaustively to make time pass, maybe even dreaming of her yet again. But if she was to keep her strength, to keep her fury at bay, she had to do this. Jumping and pulling, lifting and stretching. Without music it would be so boring, and far less fun than boxing. But she felt Sofie’s desire for her strength already gave her more motivation than normal. She’ll make herself even stronger, just for her.

*

In the depth of the eternal sea she had risen again, with vast darkness around her she floated up. Sweet warm lights shimmering in blues through the surface greeted her. Calmly she got closer, the sky started burning with the flame from afar. Now stronger than ever, she could hear the comet beating like a heart. As she finally drew nearer to the surface, she saw herself reflecting in it. She had observed her limbs, her long blonde hair swaying around her head like ribbons. But what looked back at her, to her terror, was that being. With skin translucent, she could see blood pumping through her veins from her heart. That terrible expression of fright and fear on its face was there still. With blue eyes like beads and a wide open mouth, showing off its terror in a silent scream. It had changed, with strands of hair swaying around its head, and hands and feet reminiscent of that of a human: it had evolved. Sofie stared at it, and started gasping. The being gasped along with her, whispered to her as she felt herself twisting with torment.

I’m you, don’t you remember? I’ll always be you. You’ll never be rid of me.

Just as she was about to rise from sleep, a pair of hands pulled her to the surface. She came to laying on the water as if it was a floor made of glass, it was endless and calm around her. She felt herself tremble like she would after bathing in the cold ocean, and gripped around herself while her body chilled deep to the bone. In the blue sky the comet was no more, instead a being made of flame and light solidified right in front of her. While bending over her, she quickly recognized big frightened eyes of warm beautiful fire. Her wide soft hands so warm and comfortable gripped her cheeks and fussed over her.
“Shit sorry for taking so long, are you okay?” Runa said hurriedly, already her warmth heated her up, and made her stop trembling.
“Runa?” She whispered back, quickly her upper face rose in pressure and she teared up. Runa’s hands stroked her cheek firmly and lifted her up, pressed their cheeks together.
“Yes it’s me, hush now I’m here.” Runa said back in ever softer tones, Sofie sobbed and gripped her sizzling curls with both her arms, hugged her closer.
“Oh god Runa.” She said as she sobbed vigorously. “Please don’t leave me once you find out!” She pleaded loudly to her. Runa released just enough to face her, still she radiated heat like a furnace. Her brown skin simmered underneath, and her eyes of amber had bright flames in them. As she cried tears damped off her lashes, she smiled so sweetly at her. In a way that made her feel silly for even thinking it.
“How could I ever leave you, when you’re so beautiful.” Runa said back, Sofie frowned in her sob and leaned backwards. That despicable reflection lingered in her mind, of course she thinks I’m beautiful. Is that all she can see, just like everybody else?
“But I’m not, though.” She responded in quiet sighs and sobs. “Not really. I’m small and weak and revolting, look.” She spoke hurriedly, still her chest ached by the notion of being left by her. It manifested into an open wound in her abdomen, and out fell that small disgusting creature. Like a cesarean without an umbilical cord, the being came out looking like a baby bird. Thin and naked, her innards showing through her white skin. She couldn’t stand, could only flail in terror. Her human body fell back and died when its host separated from her. The creature now with her hair and hands, feet and face screamed back in a gurgling thin voice. Runa stared at her with big surprised eyes as the little being screamed:
“Look at me! Tell me again how beautiful I am!” There was a terrible silence, slowly the glass floor started breaking around her, and her dead beautiful body. Cracking like ice over a lake, it spread like lightning around her. Runa gripped around the creature she truly was, and lifted her up from the cracks, pressed her to her naked chest. The details of her body were blurry, but her skin was soft and warm.
“Careful.” Said Runa in a gasp, before stroking the tiny back of the little being she herself had become. The glass cracked and her big naked body fell into the ocean again. Runa didn’t seem to mind, while holding this small revolting version of herself in her hands. She felt like a baby being comforted by a mother, Runa’s hands and body were tender against her. She had her eyes wide open against her shoulder, and gripped it with slim translucent arms and hands. Her bones and white flesh showed through, and made her nauseous.
“You still want me?” She asked still with tears in her eyes. Runa nodded and moved her back, held her under her armpits and stared back at her, wrinkled the skin between her brows in a sorrowful expression.
“Yes I do, I know what it takes to become weak and small. I understand, I have one too.” She answered sullenly while looking away, Sofie lifted her disgusting little hand and stroked her soft cheek, they made eye contact again. That child from the picture by the stairs looked back at her, with pain and warmth she smiled gently. How she tugged at her little damaged heart and spine, and drew her nearer with her burning spirit. The threads of fate started tying them together.
“Oh Runa, of course you do. Please, can you show me?” She asked carefully with her thin voice, the gurgling lessened in the tension. Runa sighed and nodded, moved her a bit down to her chest. Right between her two round and perky breasts and small nipples, her skin opened. Like an invisible force drew a scalpel vertically on her skin, she could see her flesh opening within. Deep behind her heart, right against her spine she saw a small black little creature. With big frightened eyes and thin limbs. Its eyes were dimmer, but still amber. Sofie climbed into the cavity of her flesh, sat down inside her warm chest, and stroked at the creature looking away in shame. She smiled to the small singed version of her, still with her pretty face and eyes. Burned to a crisp, she was still beautiful somehow, making her little heart beat fast and long firmly only for her.
“I get what you mean now.” She whispered to her, Runa finally faced her directly, with wide surprised eyes burning brighter than before, she smiled softly and said:
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess in here.” Sofie shook her little head, her white strands swayed a bit while still dripping with seawater.
“No, it's fine. Let’s be a mess, together.” She said back, little Runa started sobbing in gasps, gripped her with tiny black hands and pressed her close, they embraced firmly. Sofie pressed her face against her neck and shoulder, sobbed silently with bittersweet bliss. With warm pressure around her, that weakness felt lesser. Inside the chest of all that strength and durability, she felt safer than ever before. Against her the softness and warmth of her spirit started melting them together.
“Never let me go.” Runa whispered in gentle sobs.
“I promise I won’t.” Sofie said back, then their beings faded into one. And only that pressure remained, that dense warm and delightful pressure. Giving her a continuous feeling of tenderness and security, she needed nothing more as she faded. The cavity enclosed them into darkness, now one, they didn’t mind one bit. Here together, nothing else mattered.

Chapter Text

Though the weather was gray and dreary still, the sweet memories of yesterday lingered and gave her joy. Despite crying herself to sleep another time, her mind had given her such a beautiful dream. She had awoken by the alarm, rested and smiling. Finally it was lunch, half way through the day. Just a few hours more, and she’d feel her against herself again. Even when apart, Runa was such a force of joy for her, it was baffling. They weren’t even together yet, just barely knew each other. Yet already she knew, her life would be dreary and empty without her.

The green branches of the fir trees shivered in the wind, up the hill behind houses and evergreens, she now knew Runa’s world so much better. Her terrible frightful world, how she wished she could bring her down here. To be beside her all day long, and know for sure nothing bad happened to her. The classroom tore into her ears with sounds of voices and laughter, the movements of chairs, slippers and sandals. It all burrowed into her skull, but she managed. While turning around in her seat to get her lunchbox and waterbottle, she observed the girls staring at her still. Benedikte with her green eyes, and long dark blonde hair, sat with her other friends around her. In a bright green hooded jacket, open to reveal a black slightly transparent sweater, showing off her bra and breasts. To cover them up just slightly, she had a deep forest green tanktop over it, and a few necklaces, including a black tattoo looking choker. She narrowed her eyes at her and mouthed ‘bitch’ to her. A chill went up her spine, not knowing why somehow made it worse. Despite feeling her stomach sinking, she still felt hungry. Just like yesterday she had a surprising amount of appetite. So she turned around to her desk again, and tried to ignore that terrible feeling. 

She opened her dark blue lunchbox and looked down at two slices of wholemeal bread, dark brown and filling. On them were salami, with mayonnaise underneath. Yet another day she so easily picked one of them up, and took a bite with a rumbling stomach. The taste was salty and savory, while the mayo made it just a bit sweet. The dense bread tasted of seeds and dark flour, she chewed it and swallowed. The taste of the salami lingered on her tongue, and made her grin. She noticed Artur staring at her from her right, and looked over at him. He smiled weekly with thin lips, his dark blonde mousy hair was still somewhat unkempt. His deep ocean eyes looked straight at her with careful joy.
“You’ve been hungrier lately.” He commented carefully, seemed pleased by her appetite for some reason. She moved her own bangs to the side behind her ear, just like Runa would do, nodded and smiled back at him.
“Happier too.” He added further, she looked to the side while grinning. She had indeed smiled a lot to herself, looked out the window leading up to Runa’s terrible school quite a lot, or daydreaming about the taste of her lips in class, even on Monday. She swallowed her food and smiled wider, felt her cheeks prickle. Just imagining meeting her again was enough to coax the warmth out from the deep.
“I guess so.” She responded while still looking away. A part of her wanted to scream it all at him, how that girl that stood up for him was the one, not some boy, but her. You know her, we have something going on, a beautiful wonderful something , giving me an appetite not just for food, but for life! Though she remained quiet, this amount of teens could notice her, or turn on her so easily. Artur wasn’t strong enough to protect her, even if he tried. Only Runa came to mind, with her strong beautiful body she’d be able to take them all on, for sure. 

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it, but.. it’s a boy isn’t it?” He asked further, seemed so enthusiastic about it. She took another bite of the bread, chewed and shook her head with prickling cheeks. She looked at him, wondered what she’d do if he guessed correctly. He smiled with his teeth and raised his brows, shook his head imitating her. Then he lifted his slim pale hand and stroked his chin.
“No? Hm, okay then. You’ve got a new pet lately or something?” He asked further, she grinned and shook her head again. He walked right past it, perhaps it was inconceivable? Someone as feminine as her being homosexual. She knew she’d find it hard to believe, if looking at herself from the outside. That alone might be enough to keep it from her own mother, she speculated. Because it seemed so unlikely.
“Am I close?” He kept asking, she shook her head again, now more firmly while holding in a chuckle. How would he react once he knew? Though she knew nothing about him, his home, nor his life, she guessed he probably felt positively in some way about Runa. Maybe that would be enough for him to be nice about it?
“Can’t you give me just one hint?” He complained in whispers. She looked around herself, observed their classmates not paying much attention to them. Even Endre and Tommy were busy with the girls, joking and making them laugh while throwing bananas between them. So she relaxed her shoulders and looked back at him.
“Fine, just one small hint.” She whispered back and lifted her hand, stretched out her index finger from her closed palm. While her cheeks prickled and her heartrate rose, in nervousness she persisted detrimentally to answer his plea. It had to be something he wouldn’t figure out right away, she hoped when he did that he wouldn’t make a scene. Something vague that pushed him in the right direction, perhaps?
“Your first question, it was close.” She whispered carefully. He frowned his brows in silence, seemed to think hard. She leaned back and took another bite off her salami and bread. Still it was savory and salty. The silence grew, but eventually he leaned towards her and whispered:
“But you said it wasn’t a boy?” He seemed so confused, it was quite amusing. She nodded and whispered back:
“Mhm.” He huffed and leaned back, crossed his arms and looked up.
“But I mean; that’s the only thing that makes sense, when you were late to class yesterday and you left early on Monday too. Oh and you’ve been so distracted as well. So it is because of someone?” He blabbered on rather quietly, seemingly only to himself. The more he talked, the firmer she felt her neck clench. He was so damn close, the nervousness tightened in her stomach. He’d bang his palms on the table and yell: ‘It’s a girl? You’re a lesbian!? Oh wow that’s so unexpected! Oh my god that’s so weird!’ Sofie looked to the side and pressed her elbow on the desk, right beside her waterbottle. Leaned her cheek on her hand and gazed out the window. Already she regretted it, though she knew already the peace she had maintained in this classroom was slipping. Perhaps it was good for him to know, if Runa showed up here? Her spine chilled harder, though she managed to keep calm. How would her class react if they ever saw them together? They’d hate it for sure, yell ‘dyke’ after them, or even to her when alone in this classroom. It’d all start with him, she figured.

“Woah Sofie.” He whispered to her, she turned her head. His eyes were wide with shock and awe, the rest of his soft face was neutral.
“It’s a girl, isn’t it?” He asked so quietly in a gasp, she couldn’t help but look around herself in case anyone heard, but nobody did. Still they laughed and chatted together, making too much noise as always. It hurt slightly like lightning in her brain, but she managed with a few deep breaths and looked back at him. He awaited her answer while sitting completely still, timidly she nodded to him. He gasped with wide eyes, smiled quietly while lifting his hands up in front of himself. Nobody seemed to notice that either, to her relief. He calmed quickly and giggled, frowned his brows and started speaking still at a low volume:
“Oh my god, that kinda makes sense actually since you..“ He said excitedly but paused, seemed to stop himself. Quickly he looked to the side for just a moment and frowned, before continuing more hesitantly:
“.. Uhm, since you haven’t shown any interest in boys.” The last few words he whispered, he seemed to want to respect her wish for secrecy. She frowned her brows as tension rose within, wondered what he was about to say, still she nodded hesitantly. He didn’t seem to mind much at all.
“I gotta admit, I didn’t see that one coming..” He grinned, elbowed her and said further:
“..You, having a girlfriend.” But whispered the last word, she felt her cheeks heat up and looked down. Shushed him softly.
“Ssh, no we’re not..” She said back rather impulsively, before she sighed and looked up at him again. And spoke further a lot more calmly:
“It’s still very early.” He nodded and looked down, responded hurriedly:
“Right, right of course, sorry.” He lowered his head for a few moments, lifted his shoulders while still staring straight at her, his smile faded.
“So on Monday when you.. ran while on the phone, that was her?” His questions so quickly shifted, gave her warm spine chills, he was quite observant then. She nodded and looked down, grabbed her slice of bread again, lifted it to her mouth and took a bite. That day had been so frightening, but had ended with such bliss, until breaking her again. Artur asked further, now with a gentle smile on his juvenile looking face:
“And yesterday when you were late for class, you’d been with her?” She nodded and grinned, while chewing and swallowing sweet memories made her sigh. With warmth and delight her mind flickered with her weak knees against that wall. The way her eyes had been so tender, despite she herself being such a coward. How her hands had stroked her while their tongues blended in wetness and static. Indeed she felt it now, spreading in her cheeks giving them such heat. She looked up at him shyly and nodded.
“So she’s in the B or C class then, or is she younger than us?” He kept on asking her, must be so curious, seemed so excited about it. Though she still didn’t feel like telling him everything. Maybe if he knew it was Runa, he’d have a bigger reaction that would expose her? Was she willing to go with him somewhere out in the hallway, so she could speak openly? Was he stronger than her, could he overpower her? Despite not seeming like the type, she knew in truth, that good intentions could be deceiving. She frowned her brows and looked to the side, sighed again gazing out the window. 

If only Runa was here, she’d dare so much more while feeling her hand on the small of her back. She’d go wherever she wanted together with her.
“No she doesn’t go here.” She answered while wondering, if her conviction about boys was actually true? Would he try anything now that he knew she wasn’t interested? Not that it mattered before, her own interest was irrelevant then. She felt her warm spine chill firmly, and took the last bite of her slice of bread. Runa she was sure, would hold around her shoulder and say something like: ‘Oh I’d like to see him try.’ She looked down with a growing pressure inside, swallowed her food and sighed again. That ache in her chest burrowed deep, tugged at her longing and affection equally hard. Even if her schooldays were better lately, nothing compared to the inner peace and relaxation Runa brought her. Along with that bliss, heat and pleasure only she could conjure.

“Oh, so I wouldn’t know who she is then?” Artur asked so disappointedly, it felt humorous. She gazed over at him and grinned weakly. Shrugged to him so casually, as if she didn’t know. He nodded and looked down, for a few moments he paused, seemingly to take it all in. Then he lifted his gaze and looked back at her, smiled weakly with slim lips and a glimmer in his ocean eyes.
“I have two dads, you know.” He said so casually, as if it didn’t blow her mind. She gasped and smiled widely.
“You do? Oh wow.” She responded just a bit too loudly. So he was definitely not homophobic then? He seemed surprised by her enthusiasm and nodded, continued as he chuckled:
“Yeah, and well, I’m not gay or anything but, I’ve been beat up over it a few times.” He said softly. So that was why he was targeted back then? No wonder Runa defended him.
“So I get that you don’t want everyone to know.” Again he spoke carefully, being so respectful. She felt tempted to tell him everything, but decided to still pace herself. All these questions made her so uneasy, her appetite was beginning to fade.
“Anyway, thanks I guess, for telling me. I won’t tell anyone.” He seemed to finally end it with, and smiled with his teeth at her. They were white and slightly crooked, not all smiles could be as perfect and adorable as Runa’s.
“Thanks, and you’re welcome.” She said back with ease, and picked up the last slice of bread and bit into it. Stared out the window again, observing the fir trees’ dense branches sway gently in the wind. Up the hill the sky was gray, she could barely see it. Houses still huddled up the mountain, were they teasing her up there? Calling her horrible things without anyone protesting? She frowned, felt a pressure behind her eyes. It would be easier for her too, if she went here. Even if she went to a different class than her, they’d definitely eat lunch together. Would Runa stroke her hair and whisper sweet little flirts to her, kiss her cheek, and tease her softly? She sighed deeply, in a perfect world nobody would care when seeing them together. They’d hide away every day, to kiss and laugh. Artur could befriend them both, talk to Runa about comics, probably. How easily the days would pass without a care in the world, if it had been so. She closed her eyes, frowned while a light pressure emerged behind her eyes.

But no, in the real world boys were unsafe, beat and bullied those even just associated with gay people. Here girls hated her for no reason, and would most definitely bully her in some way when they found out. Eventually she’d have to build up the courage, she already knew. Runa deserved better than to be hidden away like that. She realized she wanted to show her off, felt pride in actually getting to be with her. Have them all see whatever stupid rumours about her sleeping around were false. Up there she existed in torment right now, she was sure. If they were both down here, no matter what people told them; they’d at least have each other.

She heard her phone buzz twice, from the pocket within the hood of her backpack. Quickly she let go of her second slice of bread, awakening from her daydream, and turned around in her seat. She unzipped the pocket of her backpack, picked up her black and white Sony Erikson cellphone, and looked at the green calculator-like screen.
Runa: | miss u :( xo u good today? <3 | Artur looked over at her and grinned while she quickly started pressing the buttons. She gazed over at him for a moment, he gestured towards her phone with a nod and raised his brows. She nodded and smiled back to him, bit her lower lip with warm cheeks and continued typing.
| I’m good, and you? :/ I miss you too, so much <3 xoxo | She sent it and sighed sullenly, no matter the anxiety she wished she could be there. To protest everything they told her when it happened. However that little school looked, she was sure they could hide away somewhere. And she’d kiss her till her tears dried. She felt her chest aching for it, to see her face up close again, to kiss her cute soft lips. She’d caress her cheeks and hair endlessly. Maybe they’d get jealous of her, when seeing them together? Be impressed somehow and leave her alone? She’d happily do it, imagined herself all dolled up, showing up there unannounced. If she didn’t have anxiety she’d even do it right now, march right on up there and throw herself at her. ‘Oh baby I’ve missed you, kiss me’, she’d say while clinging to her shoulders, just so they’d see. If her own looks could be used for anything, she wanted it to be that. The ache hurt deep in her chest, amidst the warmth of her daydream she realized, she was about to cry. God Runa, I’ll do anything for you. Even if it kills me.

The phone vibrated in her hand, she opened the text quickly.
Runa: | not good but i’ll live. cant wait to see u <3 | The pressure rose behind her eyes, she frowned her brows and lowered her head, sighed deeply while replying hurriedly. As if her words would actually help, or give her a moment of solace in this cruel world. Their conversations came to mind, of longing and loneliness. How both of them had held onto each other, even when being complete strangers. Runa had said she wanted her so much, it hurt. When she heard it her heart had exploded with warmth so deep, it hurt her too. Every sensation of her skin against her own had shivered not only her spine, but her entire torso. It had made her lips and hands tremble with euphoric bliss. All that pleasure erupting from every movement they did together, along with that intensely bright joy shining in her chest. How could she ever make her feel anything like it, through this clunky little device? Even finding words for it seemed like a challenge for her. She opted to make it simple, and straight forward.
| Hold on, you’ll be in my arms soon. Imma kiss you so much. xoxoxo <3 | She paused, ‘honey, baby, darling, hold on till I can make you forget it all’, she wanted to write. ‘I’ll make you mine with every fiber of my being.’ But they weren’t together, she reminded herself in another wonderful daydream. Of hands, lips and movements, it was so easy to forget. They had no cute nicknames for each other, in truth it was too early to know they’d even end up together. She felt herself tear up just a bit by the mere thought, she already wanted it all, wanted her. So quickly she could construct such wonderful sentences to describe what they had: ‘The dawn of my life happened in your eyes, and now I await the rest with restlessness. In the cold I had succumbed to the void, but your irises lit me anew with the potency of your spirit. You awakened my slumber and scorched my soul with your touch.’ It was impossible to not make it poetic, simple words like in her text were not nearly enough. How would she react, hearing it? It was easy to imagine her amber eyes softening with tears, and her stunning brown face relaxing with tenderness. She’d so easily continue while stroking her cheek: ‘Gosh, sweet beautiful Runa, don’t you know how precious you are to me already? Every cell, every atom inside me burns for you.’ But after she had forgotten herself for just a bit yesterday, it was clear by Runa’s reaction that it was too much for her. Most likely she’d be uncomfortable, if hearing any more of it. Maybe that’d change eventually, she hoped so. She wished Runa knew how wanted she was by now, and hoped she felt it when being up there.

Sofie frowned and sent the message, kept her tears at bay while facing Artur. Behind him was a wall, a sink and a mirror, only he could look back if she cried.
“Is everything okay?” He asked so carefully with a worried gaze. She cleared her throat and closed her eyes, nodded slowly before opening them again.
“Yeah, her school just sucks, is all.” She said while looking at him, remembered Runa did actually have one pet name for her: Beautiful. She’d make it theirs then, use it the moment she saw her again. The notion made her smile despite the heaviness in her chest.
“Right, most do, don’t they? Or is hers especially bad?” Artur grinned and askes further, seemed to try to lighten the mood. Sofie looked down and nodded slowly.
“Which school is it?” He continued asking so curiously, she sighed, felt herself getting frustrated. He sure wanted to know everything, it was the first time they actually had talked about something to do with her, and not him. Keeping him at arm’s length would be more difficult now. He’d pry into her life, poke about inside her suffering. She tightened her shoulders where she sat. Still holding the second slice of bread, she lowered it into her lunchbox.
“Uhm, GC2.” She answered, he gasped and said with wide eyes:
“Oooh, I see. They have gymnastics here, that’s how you met?” Still so curious, he kept on asking. While she nodded her phone buzzed twice again, she lifted her left hand still holding it up, and opened the text with her thumb.
Runa:| ok <3 cant wait xo | He leaned a bit closer to look at her phone and asked quickly:
“What’s her name anyway?” Hurriedly she turned it around and pressed it on her desk, in panic she looked at him without answering. He quickly moved back while putting his palms up.
“Woah okay.” He said quickly. Sofie sighed and relaxed her shoulders, put the phone into the pocket of her denim jeans. Maybe he thought she was ashamed, that he’d judge her for who she was seeing. Correcting such a notion would reveal her, in the silence she already knew: She wasn’t ready for it all just yet, even when she wanted to be.
“Sorry.” She said after a handful of seconds. “Can’t we talk about something else?” She asked further. He nodded and looked down, seemed to struggle to find a topic casual enough.
“How about comics?” He suggested so calmly, she grinned and nodded. Runa seemed to like them quite a bit, maybe it’d be good to know more about it. Maybe she’d be impressed if she herself knew something interesting to tell her?
“Tell me about the weirdest, most obscure comic you’ve ever read.” She demanded calmly and smiled at him timidly. He nodded and grinned broadly, looked down and frowned his brows.
“Okay, hmm. Let me think.” He responded before growing silent. The soundscape of desks and chairs, noisy teens screaming, talking and laughing; they all distracted her the moment she had time to process anything. She frowned her brows and looked back, between her and the brightly red foldable wall, the girls sat. The moment they noticed her staring at them, they all turned with resentful glares. Benedikte mouthed ‘whore’ to her, Sofie tightened her neck and turned around again.
“Okay so I don’t remember the name of it.” Artur finally said. “But there was this blue naked alien lady, crash landing in the amazonas or something. She could change her skin into any pattern she wanted, so when she met a leopard she made herself look like it. But then she met some guy, an indian native, and they fucked. Then she changed her skin to all sorts of stuff for him, super weird, lots of nudity.” He blabbered so enthusiastically, she did her best to pay attention despite all the noise, and the feeling of being watched.
“Oh damn, that sounds kinda.. pornographic." She commented in a low volume, he nodded and chuckled.
“I know right? But you could tell that it wasn’t, in a way. It looked more like, you know; when naked people pose to be drawn?” He answered happily, they chuckled softly together.
“You mean it was tasteful and artistic?” She suggested. He nodded again and replied:
“Yes, exactly.” She picked up the next and last slice of bread again, still with salami on top, and took a bite off it.
“And another one, was this naked African lady walking out of tall grass, but she had robot legs.”
“Why are all the women naked?” Sofie commented and chuckled carefully.
“I think a lot of them are from the 70s.” He answered quickly. She grinned and swallowed.
“That makes sense.” She uttered before taking another bite. So quickly the tone was light and breezy. It was easier to not think about how awful Runa had it right now, but it still lingered in the back of her head.

*

When class ended and she got up to place her books in her locker, she rubbed shoulders with Marlene, doing the same beside her. She shuttered aggressively, and stroked it as if wiping off dirt from her sweater.
“Ew don’t touch me!” She yelled, made a racket out of it. Throughout the day Runa had felt it sting and grow inside her stomach and chest, it worsened by the attention being drawn to her. Fredrik shoved her, made her stumble as she put the books into the locker and moved away from them.
“Hey watch out, shitface.” He said both with annoyance and amusement. Though his brown fringe hung over his left eye, she could still see the ice cold color of his irises, and the contempt in his gaze. The pit sank deeper inside her. She noticed him and the other boys keeping their distance, even after shoving her. They all must be sort of frightened by her, by what happened on Monday. But slowly it all came back to place. The status quo of her daily misery returned piece by piece. Nobody tried to actually hurt her, but the insults had been constant today. She grabbed her backpack, walked quickly out of the classroom, and into the gray hallway. 

She passed open classrooms doors with more teens exiting out of them. Noticed them avoiding her touch as well, more so than usual. Perhaps rumours of her aggression had spread to them, she sighed and looked down at her slippers. The notion struck shame into her spine and chest, a part of her already wondered yet again, if she was a bad person? She had hoped this awful feeling would go away, now that she had felt Sofie’s touch. She had wished the pit didn’t fall, her spine to radiate with uneasy tension. Knowing Sofie liked her, wanted her, it should be enough, she had thought. She stepped into the locker room, found hers and put her backpack down, stepped out of her slippers and kicked them into it. She had assumed whatever kind of feelings they had for each other, would solve it all. That it could remove their power over her, and only Sofie’s opinion remained. Teens looked at her up and down and sneered, she almost bumped into Rebecca, who reacted strongly as well.
“Watch it, fucking dyke.” She said aggressively, after; she and Marlene giggled so maliciously at her. She assumed she reacted a bit more strongly to this than usual. In slumber it had protected her, now raw to the bone in the wake of sweet Sofie, she felt it all. So she tried to turn away while she frowned firmly with dispair, tearing up as she ran in the hallway. She pushed through the doors, cold wind and wet snowflakes met her sullen face. Maybe it was like when she got used to her parent’s affection, so everything started hurting more? It was happening again, she realized with clarity so quickly. Even in her despair, she knew it was worth it all. Fredrik, Mathias and Alexander pushed her as they ran past her. She nearly lost her balance again, but kept steady.

“Trip and die on your ugly black face, bulldyke!” Alexander yelled at her. She sighed again, took it in without protest. Though the heaviness and pain remained inside her, making her almost tear up when the obsidian flared in their presence. Fredrik pouted at her mockingly:
“Oh noo, is it sad? Oh yes it’s so saaad, you’re such an itty bitty nigger baby todaaay.” He uttered with wide exaggerated tenderness, she frowned her brows and looked away. All day he and Alexander had experimented to see what made her the most upset. For once they had tried to be creative, finding new ways to torment her. Hearing the word ‘nigger’ spiked deeper than all the others. Usually they only used it sparingly, more often than not while beating her up. By then she paid little attention to it, being in pain and all. But now he uttered it openly, everybody was here to witness herself being compared to some African slave. She didn’t even know if she had a drop of African blood inside herself. But that didn’t matter here. It was easy to imagine how much it’d hurt once they dared again. That they’d twist her in her already gaping wound with glee, and relish in her suffering.

Defending herself might actually make her cry now, she quickly realized. Now that such sweet words had been uttered to her, in tones to lull her soul. Their foul musings and insults turned so cruel in comparison. Slowly throughout the day whatever Sofie had made her feel, faded only to a memory. Though she still managed to yell:
“Shut up!” Before running off down the hill, leaving them to wait for the bus.

All day a thought had lingered in her head. Now that the world had changed, she kept wondering why. Sofie’s sweet nature and growing complexity showed her most teens indeed had complicated lives, motivations and intentions. She knew this in some capacity before. In her indifference she had blocked out all of their other actions around her. If they weren’t normal people, but harbored some sort of darkness beyond their control, then she could blame the force of cruelty in the world, and not them. If she ignored every smile, every kindness they did to each other; then that illusion could stand. But it had been broken now. In this changed world, their cruelty burned so painfully in contrast to Sofie’s presence. They were normal people indeed, casually tormenting her like it was nothing to them.

How they relished together in insulting her every chance they got, or gazed at her every movement with unbridled contempt, why did they? Why did her existence bother them? What was it that Sofie saw, that they didn’t? Or did they choose not to see her, not an idealized and romanticized version of herself like Sofie saw: but her neutral self. Deserving of quiet dignity on the merit of just being a person, like them. Why didn’t they just ignore her? What was happening in their heads, for them to do and say what they did? Were they convinced it was true, just by the other’s behaviour? Or did they deceive themselves to play along, just to belong? Were they hurting tremendously and knew it was wrong, but had no restraint for that momentary high it was, to mock her in a group? Fredrik was one thing, his cruelty glared of evil in his eyes, though much like her biological mother: Behind it all she saw pain looming as well. She couldn’t help but wonder if it rivaled her own. How much did it actually take, for evil to fester? The others she wasn’t sure about. Not just here, but at Gardencity as well, and every other school and home with other cruel foster-siblings. Why did something so unnecessary happen in the first place? If she wasn’t wrong, or evil, then why?

She walked down the hill while all the others stayed put at the bus stop. Alone at last, the day rushed in her mind, producing tears in her eyes. She lowered her brows in anger, the questions remained unanswered, making it feel even more unfair than before. Sofie had told her that her mother wanted her home after school tomorrow, she had no idea how she’d manage without her after another day of this. The bus passed her going up the hill, but she barely noticed. The wind was cold, the trees now bare with brown leaves wet and smothered on the sides of the road. The gray asphalt slowly turned just a little bit white by the snowflakes caught in the wind. She knew it would quickly fade, that rainfall was predicted tomorrow.

Soon enough with a sullen mood and a pit in her stomach, she reached Gardencity school. By the sidedoor Sofie had dunked hard against the wall on Monday, she sat quietly reading on a wooden bench. Though she sat below a patch of roof, snow hit her still. She wore a long dark blue winter coat, a white scarf and hat. She looked down while her blonde hair catching snowflakes. Though eventually she gazed up, Runa’s chest rose in heat. Her heartbeat increased, and her stomach fluttered just a little. It pushed against the pit and the spike, but it couldn’t remove them outright. They waved to each other, Sofie put her book in her black backpack just when the bus drove down the hill again, Runa started jogging towards her when it passed her. The ache in her chest grew so intense, she smiled while pressure emitted from behind her eyes. Sofie opened her arms to her, spoke before she reached her.
“Oh Runnaa, come here.” She said softly with a sad gaze, undoubtedly seeing her inner pain on her face. She ran into her embrace and hugged her tightly. Sofie’s skinny arms moved over her backpack and pressed them hard together. 

The ache spiked, amidst it joy and warmth heated her torso up. Sofie moved back a bit, started pecking her cheek. Runa grinned and blushed, sniffled as a tear ran down from her eye.
“Hi Sofie.” She whispered. Sofie grinned, moved back and faced her. She thought she had gotten used to her big blue eyes, her pale lashes, and fair blushing cheeks. But it overwhelmed her anew, made her knees tremble for just a moment. Her soft nose was pink from the cold, and her thick soft lips grinned in a sad frown. When her gaze looked up and down at her face with sympathy her stomach fluttered firmly. Her cheeks prickled more intensely, she smiled when Sofie said back:
“Hey beautiful.” Her tone was sullen but gentle, the pit rose more and became lighter. Hearing her say it back at her for the first time made her heart soar. Still the ache made her frown with bittersweetness. It was as if she read her mind, and knew she needed to hear it. She chuckled somberly and stared at her with wonder. Sofie lifted her broad hand up with her cold skinny fingers, and pressed it against her own cheek. It was cold despite the color deepening against her touch. For a few moments they stared at each other, Runa observed the joy and sorrow written all over her beautiful face. She smiled with shimmering eyes and leaned in, pressed their lips together carefully. 

Her stomach fluttered intensely by their lips touching. She closed her eyes hard and sighed deeply with her nostrils, held onto her cheeks and kissed her back firmly. The ache in her chest mingled with her blossoming warm affection. It in turn pushed against her tense muscles, the pit slowly rose inside her. Sofie’s hands pressed firmly on both her cheeks in return, she sighed and kissed her back just as intensely. Their lips were closed but warm and slippery. Eventually they released, Sofie’s gaze remained tender and heavy. Before removing one of her skinny hands from her own cheek, pressing it against her bulky one. She pushed her nose and lips against her palm and kissed it. Seeming to savor her touch so intensely, while grinning and closing her eyes. It was so apparent it was wanted, the sight of her reaction became moving. Pressure rose behind her eyes again, she frowned as her brows tightened. How could she be so lucky to have a girl this good to want her touch? Who longs for her when she is away? It was a beautiful miracle. 

Tears fell from her eyes, Sofie opened hers and pouted in a frown. Moved her arms around her head and leaned in, kissed her cheeks while murmuring between them:
“Oh no Runa, it’s okay. I’m here.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” She said back, her voice broke apart by her agony and relief. Sofie grinned with sad eyes, kissed her lips hard before leaning in and hugging her close again. Runa pressed her face against her scarf and closed her eyes, sobbed silently for a few seconds while Sofie stroked the hairs in her neck.
“I’ve missed you too.” She said back ever so softly, Runa sighed deeply, finally calming down. Sofie grabbed her hand and kissed her cheek.
“Come, let’s hurry down.” She suggested softly with warmth in her blue eyes. Runa sniffled and nodded, gazed down to completely gather herself. Sofie put her backpack on quickly, they held hands down the stone stairs and stepped onto the asphalt together. Sofie looked back at her with a sympathetic smile and said as they started passing the school:
“You know what?” She asked so happily, Runa shook her head and grinned back at her.
“Artur has two dads.” She continued, shock and joy erupted in her chest. She barred her eyes open while still looking at her, and asked enthusiastically:
“What, really?” Sofie nodded quickly.
“Yeah, isn’t that why you defended him that one time?” She wondered so adorably, she felt her cheeks prickle with warmth.
“Well no, I had no idea why he was targeted. That happened ‘cause his parents are gay?” She asked, Sofie nodded and looked down.
“That’s so messed up, fucking hell.” Runa commented further. Perhaps it would be better to hide each other away, at least at school. She knew she never wanted her peers to know.
“Yes, just awful.” Sofie said sullenly, gripped her hand a bit firmer. It seemed she felt the same thing. They finally passed the parking lot, and walked further down the road away from the school. The wind was calm, and the snowflakes were thick. Though cold, she still felt her chest radiate with warmth. And now, another looming sadness burrowed within. What if her own classmates saw them?

“But I kinda told him about.. whatever we are, is that okay?” Sofie asked timidly, grinning apologetically while looking back at her. Of all the students at that school, Artur worried her the least. Especially now that she knew about his dads. Her mind conjured such pleasant images. Of Sofie sitting beside him at their desk, saying such sweet things about her. ‘I’m with Runa! We’re seeing each other, she’s amazing, I totally want to be her girlfriend!’ She chuckled and leaned in on her cheek, kissed it quickly. It was surprising she had told anyone, but it warmed her chest up with gentle bliss.
“Sure, I don’t mind. What did you say to him?” She asked back, Sofie smiled with her teeth, her cheeks pinked up again. The sight of her dimples and white teeth, full lips and bright happy eyes mushed her chest, fluttered her stomach, and raised her heartbeat just a little more.
“Oh well, he kinda figured it out. Saying I am happier and hungrier now, so I gave him some hints.” They turned on the road as she spoke, so she already has made a difference in her life, just like she had said? A moving notion, bringing up a light pressure behind her eyes. She lifted her free hand up to her pink cheek and stroked it.
“That’s amazing.” She just had to say, interrupting her. Sofie nodded and looked down with apparent shyness.
“He knows I have something going on with a girl from GC2, but that’s about it.” She continued, Runa felt the sadness from before lingering and growing. As if Sofie had said she was ashamed of her, and it had hurt her feelings. Though that hadn’t occurred, she still felt her emotions rise sharply inside her.
“Oh, so you didn’t tell him it was me?” She tried to make it sound casual, but she had no chance in hiding how the tone of her voice fell. Sofie paused on the road and gently pulled her in for a hug.
“No, sorry. Do you want me to?” She asked so sweetly, it made her grin amidst the gloom. Still her stomach fluttered by being this near her again.
“I’m fine either way. But why didn’t you tell him?” She wondered timidly, Sofie leaned back and faced her. Snow fell on her pink pale nose, she wrinkled it away. It was such an adorable sight, she couldn’t help but grin wider. Sofie moved both her hands up to her cheeks and stroked them. Frowned her brows determinedly in her empathic gaze.
“I was kinda already freaking out telling him anything at all, apart from you he’s the first I’ve actually told.” She answered tenderly, Runa nodded and looked down. Well of course, telling people is scary. She had felt it with her parents way back when.
“Right, right.” She said back hurriedly. Sofie continued while letting go of her cheeks, and gripped her shoulders instead.
“And also, we sat in the classroom. I was already nervous about anyone hearing.” She said further, Runa looked to the side, quiet shame filled her warm chest. Though she couldn’t control how it made her feel, she should have known better as to hint at something like that. Sofie’s eyes were wide and sad as she continued:
“If he knew it was you he might have gotten too excited, and reveal me. Then everyone would know, and I’m not.. just the thought of it makes me..” Runa gripped her cheeks and squeezed them together.
“I understand Sofie, sorry I didn’t mean to imply anything.” She interrupted her, Sofie chuckled beside her and moved her arms over her shoulders.
“No it’s okay, it was a fair question. I just need more time, is all.” She answered in a gently happy voice, it was enough to sprinkle her shame with joy. She grinned and responded:
“And that’s totally okay. I get it, I don’t plan on telling my classmates anything.” Sofie pulled her in closer and sighed near her ear, seemed sadder knowing this.
“Because they’re so awful?” She asked gently, Runa nodded and looked down. Sofie’s thick wavy blonde hair covered half of her face, the white scarf covered the rest when hugged tightly to her. Now sorrow festered in a different way, just imagining her despicable classmates seeing them together, saying horrible things to her, or about her. The boys pulling her hair, or beating her, she knew they had it in them. The thought tensed her entire body up, her sight blurred with incoming tears.
“If you see me with them, try to stay away. I won’t be able to protect you from them.” She said carefully as not to cry, Sofie nodded against her head and sighed deeply.
“I’ll try, but I know I won’t be able to, if I see them hurt you.” Her tone was low and gentle, a smidge of tenderness gave it the flavor she loved the most. She smiled with gently prickling cheeks, closed her eyes as the tears dried.
“I know.” She commented gently, Sofie let go of her and leaned back, pressed their lips together firmly. Dragged them together for a few seconds, making her spine tremble with warmth again. 

Before she released and looked at her with sad empathic eyes, but she smiled warmly as well. She gripped her hand and pulled at it as she started walking again. Amidst the ever whitening asphalt road, wooden houses all in different colors with white window and door frames, they walked on. The houses’ black or red roofs had tiles bending like a wave, in a pattern repeating over and over. Bare birch trees in white bark, with black eyes staring all around it dotted here and there. Along with fir trees filled with barneedles, thickened as snow fell and stayed over them. Soon enough, between everything, they were finally there. And stared at her small red house by the shore, still hand in hand.

-

Slowly they had stepped into her house, dressed off in the hallway and walked up the stairs. The house was empty and warm, smelled of books and wood. They sat down on her bed, though she felt better the pit was still there. With sadness still looming she looked over at her. How she wished she could take it all away, even when they were apart. Sofie lifted her hand, touched her collarbone gently over her black baggy sweater.
“Do you need to talk about it?” She suggested so sweetly, Runa grinned, sighed hard and laid down on her back.
“It’s not like anything especially bad or new happened today.” She complained. Sofie leaned over her, smiled gently while her hair fell down against Runa’s right cheek. It was wet and cold, she shrieked in a whisper, Sofie giggled and pressed the hair against her cheek.
“Oh, is it wet? I’m so sorry.” She teased happily. Runa grabbed her cheeks and raised her brows, said while watching her carefully:
“MmMmm yes you’re such a wet girl.” She teased in an exaggeratedly sensual tone. Sofie leaned back with pink cheeks and giggled, more happiness spread within her. The sound of her beautiful rolling laughter helped. She raised her hand and stroked her bangs behind her ear, Sofie’s laughter sank, she looked down at her with a broad smile and soft eyes. Runa sighed hard with joy, but then she frowned once more, the sadness had disappeared but came right back again. Maybe she really did need to talk about it?
“And I mean, I don’t wanna bum you out either, you seem to have a good day today.” She added, Sofie moved her hand down to her forehead, stroked her hairline. The pulling in her scalp felt so good she just had to grin. Her torso warmed up in her presence.
“That’s okay, we have plenty of time to have fun.” She said and bit her lower lip, Runa smiled with her teeth and blushed. Seeing her expression reminded her yet again how wanted she was by her, so she lifted her arms and hugged her close. Sofie leaned her face against her ear and chuckled, stroked her hair still.
“Just tell me, I wanna disagree with everything they’ve said to you.” She spoke so happily, Runa held her tighter and sighed, said:
“Oh I bet you do.” Then she pushed her a bit off, laid her down beside herself and pressed their foreheads together. Sofie seemed to ready herself, her face relaxed awaiting the tragedy of her everyday life. 

“They kept staring at me like I didn’t deserve to be there, for starters. I donno how else to explain it.” Runa finally started, Sofie lifted her hand, stroked the curls near her ear.
“I know what you mean, I get those looks too.” She said, Runa frowned and lifted her hand, stroked her arm.
“You do? That’s so awful.” She whispered, Sofie nodded with a sullen gaze. She couldn’t help but lean in and peck her, Sofie released and chuckled:
“Runaa, focus. This is about you, not me.” She said amused, they giggled together for a few moments before she leaned back and fell silent.
“Right.” She said and sighed hard.
“And well, they avoid me a lot. Like, if I bump into them or touch them by accident they react like..” She continued, but paused. The pit grew heavy in her chest, amongst the relief of being beside her sadness rose. Yet again she was struck by the cruelty of it all. Sofie stroked her hair, stared at her with such empathy. Runa tightened her brows, anger filled her too.
“Like I am the grossest thing ever, making a big deal and screaming at me how disgusting I am. They also tell me to kill myself a lot, or say I’m ugly when I cry. After Monday they’ve sort of kept their distance, so they’ve been more creative with it, even called me nigger in front of everyone. Every day I hear them, every fucking day it’s something.” She said further, Sofie’s sad eyes narrowed, her brows tightened in anger.
“Jesus christ, no wonder you’re so upset.” She commented, her hand moved forward to her cheek and held it firmly. Runa pressed her lips together and sighed, then she added:
“Before I met you again, even though it bothered me; it didn’t get to me, usually. Except for the days I got beat up I was numb to it, I expected nothing less. It was.. my life.” Sofie pouted earnestly with such sadness, said with a sorrowful tone:
“Oh Runa.” Her brows lifted into a more relaxed and somber expression. And her blue eyes glossed with emerging tears.
“I told you that yesterday, I think? That since I have something to compare it to, it feels even more unfair now.” Asked Runa, Sofie nodded slowly and looked down.
“I’m more sensitive to how they treat me, it hurts so much more, though I try to not let it show. I think it’s because you showed me it was possible someone would think otherwise. In a way I realized; they really don’t have to treat me that way, but they choose to, every day.” She said further, Sofie lifted her gaze and observed her carefully.
“They think I’m so disgusting and ugly and annoying, but if you don’t feel that way then why do they?” She continued, observed Sofie’s gaze grow sadder and sadder. She wanted to cheer her up a bit, so she gave her an apologetic smile and added:
“But I’m so sensitive to your touch too, in a good way. I’m so surprised, and feel so lucky you even want to be near me. You’re so amazing.” She said further, Sofie’s face contorted in a silent cry, she leaned in and hugged her close. Runa grinned with tearful eyes while looking to the side, stroked the back of her head wondering if what she said was actually sad?
“Sorry, I tried to cheer you up.” She added apologetically.
“Oh god Runaa.” Sofie said with growing despair, her voice shook as she continued: “I always want to be so near you, but that alone doesn’t make me amazing.”
“Yeah I know, sorry.” Runa responded and sighed, and kissed her cheek. Sofie leaned back, sniffled and stared down at her. Her moist hair still gathered on her right side, and her bangs fell over her eye again. Already it seemed to be drying, and started to curl up in the moisture so beautifully.
“No, don’t say sorry.” She whimpered. Runa smiled and lifted her hand, stroked her bangs behind her ear.
“Sor..” She fought the urge to say it again, but cleared her throat and said instead:
“Okay.” Her chest was warm in her presence, she felt her stomach flutter by her caring. Still her face was so delicate and beautiful, her own cheeks prickled with heat. Somehow she was also incredibly adorable in this moment, despite her sadness.

“I just wish I could take you with me up there, just so I’d remember what I’m really worth, at least to you.” She said carefully, Sofie tightened her brows in hard despair and leaned down, kissed her lips firmly. They pressed intensely over and under one another, between a movement Sofie sighed and said:
“Me too.” In her breath. Runa lifted both her hands and held at her head, kissed her back still with the ache in her chest. Their movements were wide and hard, she felt her spine shiver with warmth, and for her stomach to flutter. Slowly the kiss turned soft between them, their warm lips turned slippery with spit, Sofie released still brushing them against hers. Her breath was sharp but slow. And her bright blue eyes looked down at her with bittersweet tenderness. The gaze alone mushed her chest with joy.
“Your touch is so precious to me.” She whispered in a shaky tender voice. With a trembling stomach and quivering spine, Runa swallowed in the tension already exuding from her. She understood it already, how she was going to be given words to tip the scale. An endearingly sweet gesture. Sofie lifted her hand, stroked her cheek gently with her fingertips.
“I adore you so much Runa, everything about you draws me in.” She added softly, Runa’s eyes blurred with incoming tears, she smiled and listened. Finally she felt the pit rise, the ache so heavy and sharp in her chest lessened, all day long it had weighed her down. But here it turned into a feeling so light: It felt like light washed over her. Every day they spent together, her affection fell deeper. Again she felt she would never forget the feel of her presence, nor the sensations of her strokes and kisses. But now she knew Sofie couldn’t erase her hardships when they happened. That knowledge felt like a tragedy, it was all so unfair. Sofie must have felt it too, her eyes shimmered with tears so near her face.
“You don’t deserve what they give you.” She whimpered, her face contorted, tears dripped from her wet blonde lashes. She sobbed a few times so silently, Runa started feeling sorry for inflicting sorrow upon her, being a bummer was an understatement. She pressed her head down to her own and kissed her lips. With heat growing within she felt her heart swell and ache with regret, she released a bit just to say:
“Oh no Sofie, don’t cry.” They kissed again, Runa leaned over her and lifted her knee over her own left hip, opened her mouth as she sniffled. Their tongues touched, instantly warmth and wetness turned electric. Sofie sighed in a long hard shaky breath, moved her arms around her entire head and pressed her closer. They rolled around, stroked desperately at one another while their tongues mingled, she hoped it helped. Their desperation lessened, the kiss softened. She stroked her cheek with her other hand, and heard her gasp into her mouth before she felt her smiling. They rolled around again, Sofie was on top, their kiss moved back to the tips for a handful of seconds before they released. Runa lifted both her hands, stroked her wet cheeks, observed her relaxed happy expression, and smiled proudly.

Then Sofie sat up on top of her. She grinned with pink cheeks, moved her hands down and lifted her blue sweater off herself, dragged the rest underneath along with it. Runa stared down at her skinny body, and her sharp collarbones below soft shoulders, and sighed happily. She had big round breasts and pink nipples, fair smooth skin with her hair falling just a bit over them. They waved and curled at the ends around her. All the way down to her skinny belly and slim waist. Her shoulders and arms poked out through the hair, the shapes of her were delicate, even elegant. She gently moved some hair away from her front, showing off more of her upper body. The look of her alone made her cheeks grow so hot, her spine beamed with warmth and it spread into her entire torso. She felt her stomach flutter with excitement, a weak heartbeat emerged in her groin. Despite having seen her before, it was still breathtaking.
“You’re so beautiful.” She said softly and lifted her hand, pressed it right above her breasts, searching for her heartbeat. The most amazing part of her wasn’t her beauty, though it came in a close second. Being near her was a gift, everything those stunning eyes expressed was still so moving. She knew her emotions didn’t reside in the heart. But she wanted to feel something coming from inside her, something she could feel together with her. So she pressed her palm flat over her left breast, right where her heart was. And actually felt her fast heartbeat increase as she did. 

Sofie’s soft eyes looked down at her, her cheeks reddened.
“God Runa.” She whispered softly, lifted her hand up to her own and pressed her palm over it. She looked down at their hands with a soft grin, though she seemed puzzled in her soft joy.
“Sorry I just wanted to feel your heart.” Runa said apologetically, her chest filled with such warmth she just had to sigh. Sofie grinned with her white teeth, before frowning at her melancholically.
“No, don’t you ever say sorry.” She whispered tenderly. “Feel my heart all you want.” 

But then she paused, bit her lower lip and looked to the side. She seemed to consider something before meeting her eyes again, smiling nervously before talking again:
“Can I see you too? I wanna take in how beautiful you are.” A pain rose within her, quickly she sat up and paused, hugged her close while looking to the side.
“But you don’t have to.” Sofie added quickly and stroked her back hurriedly. Before she continued with a tone sprinkled with panic:
“We can turn off the lights, there’s no rush.” Runa closed her eyes in her embrace, and stroked her face against the skin of her neck. The obsidian burrowed straight up her mind, showed her those blue eyes tightening in a tense expression, of disappointment and disgust, Sofie would coil away from her. But how likely was this fabricated scenario? Would sweet Sofie ever gaze at her that way? If not, she felt tempted to find out to get it over with. How much did she want it? Just like Harrald advised, she looked for the feeling. That ache to be accepted by her in every way, it burst through her chest. The fear blended with it and made it hurt, she gasped and felt a sob erupt out her windpipe. The obsidian expanded within her, spiking and bellowing sharply at her center. Though weaker in the light her hope conjured, it still hurt her deep in her chest. Sofie gripped her nape and stroked it firmly.
“Ooooh noooo Ruuuna, I’m sooorry.” She said with drawn out desperation, Runa opened her eyes, tears trickled down her cheeks, she sniffled and leaned back. Faced her and shook her head, she wanted to speak, but couldn’t stop the shaking sobs in her chest. From the fog of her childhood it stirred, coiled around her belting heart like a snake. So many looks of disgust, and of furious anger and disdain flickered in her mind. They merged with her mindset from just a week ago. Though the world had changed, perhaps she couldn’t? That ache burned and gave her sobs louder gasps. The snake singed against the spine of obsidian as it tightened, telling her it’ll always hold inside of her. That she was too broken to change now, after all these years of intentional torment. Could she never truly let it all go? The notion spiked her chest more, had their numerous gazes of disdain been burned into her retinas? Fastening themselves to her skeleton, to always be there, and loom over her happiness? Reminding her of who she was, how it all will change for the worse eventually. It was a bleak reality, how she yearned to remove herself from such looks.

Sofie frowned near her face with a wide and worried gaze. The blue of her eyes lit up the despair with a shining light. But this look was different, she reminded herself. She was different from all of them. It was hard to even imagine Sofie ever being intentionally cruel, or for her to inflict pain to harm her. It seemed her observer was wide awake, watching her with care and sympathy.
“God I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to push you, it’s okay that you don’t want to.” Her voice shook as she spoke, so clearly worried about her, she was so regretful and compassionate. She moved her slim hand back from her neck, and stroked her cheek. How many times had she been slapped and hit there? Countless little flashes of endless slaps turned her cheek with force, or of fist exploding on her skin. Sofie smoothened the pain as she stroked her, so easily the flashes of those memories faded to mere inclings. Sofie caressed the tears away with tenderness and care. Gently the snake loosened its grip, her chest regained that comfortable warmth she needed the most. 

Already she had experienced the power of Sofie’s sweet words had on her, it wasn’t a stretch that her touch did the same. How could she not let her, to not want to, when she was right here? Willing and eager to mellow out all the obsidian flaring within. As her tears faded, she grinned while looking at her beautiful blue eyes.
“No I want to, so much. But I’m scared.” She whispered, her voice shook but she pushed through. Sofie sighed steeply and fast, relief washed over her pretty pale face. She grinned and frowned her brows, before pouting and leaning in.
“Oh Runa, I’m sorry.” She said quickly and kissed her firmly with closed lips. Runa chuckled and kissed her back, sniffled as she breathed in with her nose. And moved her hands back and stroked her soft delicate shoulders, they released after a handful of pecks.
“It’s okay Sofie, shit I’m so dramatic.” She responded after and grinned stiffly at her, Sofie shook her head and sniffled with glossy eyes, she pressed her full lips together for a few seconds before she spoke:
“No you feel whatever you need to feel.” Her tone was wide and focused, in a defiantly comforting kind of way. Runa looked down at their breasts pressing together, hers covered with a black hooded sweater. While Sofie’s were bare and pale, gathered and pressed up againt herself. A gentle blush returned to her cheeks.
“I feel.. that I want to, but..” That ache for her sweet gaze bathing her mind with her comfort rose, she craved for her dainty hands to stroke everything away. Just imagining how it’d all feel burst through to the still coiling snake, loosening it more to let her to heart out again. Still it hurt, she looked to the side and sighed.
“No matter how sure I am that you’ll like how I look, I still expect what I’m told so often.” She added sullenly still with the pressure behind her eyes. Her mind took her back to that horrific moment. Of her naked body enveloped by steam, amongst running water and naked pale girls such terrible words broke through the barrier. Casting an all too familiar shadow over her exposed body, reaching deep into her broken mind, to squander the specs of indifference she felt about herself. Though this time, for once, it hadn’t worked. After spending only a day with her, the specks had blossomed to give her just enough to help her resist them.

“Yesterday in the showers; a girl said if she looked like me she’d kill herself. It’s not the first time.” She said while keeping her turmoil still enough to talk, though her voice still trembled. Sofie gasped with wide sad eyes and stroked her cheek firmly.
“In the showers? God Runa, that’s mortifying.” Somehow her reaction made it so real, so tragic. It really was that horrid, that dehumanizing. 

Quickly pressure seeked escape out her eyes, blurring her vision with warm tears. Sofie gripped both her cheeks as the snake knotted itself around her spine yet again, and broke it down into the obsidian. It flared so painfully, in sharp sighs she sobbed while her chest hurt. Sofie kissed her cheek and bent over her, pushed her down on the bed still half naked, and continued kissing her face as she sobbed. The tears ran down her temples instead. So many terrible moments flashed yet again, of retracting from her touch, pushing her away when she seeked it, hitting her when she begged for comfort. Sofie pressed herself into those memories, to those feelings flaring up from within. She pushed through her body, into her scratched up plate. And finally kissed straight onto it, right on the scarring of scrapes in black ink, of blood and aching skin, she colored it all into blue. Gently swirling ribbons made of skies and seas changed it forever. Soaring in glimmering whirlwinds, reaching in between the scrapes from her past. Her kisses soft and continuous, pressed through it all, and marked her as someone deserving of love.

Finally the sharpness retracted, and she managed to silence her sobs. She sniffled and grinned, moved her hands around Sofie’s shoulders. Her hair had surrounded her head like a waterfall of golden radiance. Sweet Sofie had gently kissed her cheeks this entire time, and stroked her hands against her face and hair, before finally laying her entire body over hers. Runa moved her knee up and bent it over her, had them lay on their sides and moved back, focused on her soft pink face and glossy blue eyes. She pushed her long pale hair to the side, observed her frowning and sniffling as well.
“I who thought I could cheer you up with my tits.” She said and groaned, Runa gasped and quickly burst into a tired laughter. It belted in her aching breath, below her lungs above her belly. She opened her mouth wide and squeezed Sofie’s cheeks together.
“Holy shit Sofie!” She screamed with bright joy bursting in her chest, before sniffling in her laughter and leaning towards her again. Sofie grinned at her and sniffled still, she seemed apologetic in her expression.
“That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.” Runa added firmly, before she sighed and softened in her voice.
“You’re so adorable.” She continued before pausing. Sofie moved her hands from her shoulders, to her neck and curls once more. She caressed her slowly with wide movements, making sensations so comfortable she heated up just a bit from the cold.
“But then I just couldn’t help myself, I wanted to look at you so much. I’m sorry.” Sofie added carefully, still frowning her brows in regret. She really was as adorable, as she was compassionate. 

In the calm after the storm, her obsidian had retracted, and the snake had faded into the abyss where it belonged. In its stead now up in her face, warmth and softness rose. Delightfully hot as ever, it gave her aching heart what it most needed, and filled her with ease and joy. Every moment with her was truly precious, already taking the leap felt doable. She felt tempted to push through the pain, just so she’d get relief.
“It’s okay, you didn’t push me. I just got really emotional over it, is all.” She said to her, made sure to smile to her to ease her mind as well. She stroked her cheek and leaned closer to her, had their lips brush for just a moment before saying:
“You know; I stood up for myself for the first time yesterday, in the showers.” Sofie grinned so beautifully against her.
“You did? That’s so brave.” She said with wide gleeful eyes, the shimmer of tears had faded. Runa nodded and moved her hand down to her chin, and stroked her thumb against it.
“Mhm, I did it for you.” She added, the fear and pride from that moment returned again. Imagining her there, protesting on her behalf, pulling her aside to comfort her. Doing so for herself wasn’t enough, it had never been. Sofie she knew even then, was the last push she needed to finally do it.
“Me?” She asked back and grinned widely, chuckling slightly in surprise. Runa let go of her chin and nodded yet again, stroked her bangs falling over her eyes to the side.
“Yeah, I imagined you’d really hate it if you were there, so I did it in your place, kind of?” She responded, Sofie frowned her brows and lips, leaned in on her face and responded sharply:
“Yes I would hate it! I’d yell at them like I’ve never yelled before.” Her lips brushed over hers now. The scenario shimmered so wonderfully in her mind. Of Sofie naked beside her in the showers, more beautiful than all of them combined, screaming obscenities at them. The scene made her giggle, Sofie smiled back and continued up in her face:
“I’d even swear at them! Fuck fuck fuck!” So quickly they laughed loudly together, Runa tickled her naked ribs and leaned over her, had her turn on her back.
“That’s not how you swear at people!” She yelled at her, leaned back and watched her entire face pink up, relishing in her wide open smile. Still bare chested, she squirmed so beautifully below her. Her hair laid behind her shoulders and upper back like a pale golden cape.
“You’re supposed to say: Fuck you! Fuck your mom! Fuck your dad!” Runa screamed at her and laughed, Sofie closed her eyes and yelled amidst high laughter:
“Fuck all of you! Fuck your dog too!” Runa gasped dramatically in her hard giggles.
“Not the dog!” She yelled, they heaved and laughed, Runa leaned over her and finally stopped tickling her. Sofie breathed heavily, and caught her breath along with her. 

Slowly Runa leaned her head down, breathing down her neck and collarbones. Sofly she started pecking her right upper breast. Sofie lifted her hand up to the back of her head and stroked her curls.
“It wasn’t a bad idea to cheer me up with these, though.” She admitted playfully, Sofie sighed deeply and calmed down below her. Runa pressed her nose and lips against her soft pink nipple and pale breast, and stroked it back and forth while closing her eyes. The softness against her face was so wonderful, she felt her spine tingle. Heat rose where her laugh had been, and shone up her heart and lungs. She grinned and sighed, felt herself relaxing all the way into her gently beaming spine. 

Sofie removed her hand from her hair, gripped both of her breasts and pressed them together against her face.
“They like you.” She joked so sweetly. Runa chuckled and looked up at her.
“Oh, do they?” She asked back and played along. Sofie nodded and grinned with her teeth. Her smile was white and straight, with dimples showing on each cheek. She started speaking in a highly pitched voice, while she shook them along with her words:
“Yes, we know we’re just mammary glands attached to two biological showerheads, but we like you so much.” Her adorable weirdness was humorous enough to make her laugh and sigh. She looked down at them, and said back jokingly yet softly:
“Oh I like you too, lil’ babies.” Sofie chuckled vividly.
“Mmmh yes, they’re your little babies now.” She joked further, Runa laughed and let Sofie press them against both her cheeks. She started kissing them enthusiastically and unseriously.
“Oh thank you! They’re not that little though.” She groaned, Sofie giggled wider, the sound of it rolling so beautifully quivered her spine with heat. Sofie’s chest shook beneath her, she could feel her laugh from inside her ribcage.
“Yes they've grown up so fast, hurry you gotta name them.” She suggested happily, Runa leaned back from her breasts, Sofie still held them so her cleavage remained intact between them.
“Yes of course, they can’t be without names, hmm.” Runa said and smirked with prickling cheeks, thought for a moment. Then she lifted her hand and stroked her right breast:
“This is baby number one.” She responded, moved her hand to the other one and caressed it further, continued:
“And this is baby number two.” Sofie closed her eyes and lifted her face up, laughed loudly and wonderfully.
“They can’t have the same name!” She yelled mid laughter, let go of her own breasts and gripped Runa’s head, and pushed her close into a strong hug.
“Oh yes they can. They’re mine and I can name them however I want.” Runa commented smugly. The laughter died down slowly, the calmness after was serine.
“Okay okay, that’s what I get for giving them to you.” Sofie responded softly and sighed. In her embrace warmth grew so comfortably, mellowing her all over her upper body.
“Mmmh yes, your mistake.” She commented and pressed her left cheek above her breasts, and listened to her beating heart, Sofie’s dainty hands moved to the back of her head again. Stroking her hair fondly in silence. Runa closed her eyes and relaxed completely above her. The soft dunks of her heartbeat was way more calming than she had anticipated. Like a rhythm to a song long forgotten, it brought a unique kind of comfort.

Sofie seemed so comfortable in her own skin, so easily she laughed and joked with it all, so effortlessly she relaxed while being so naked. Runa frowned her brows, could it be that easy for herself? A soft jealousy flickered in her chest.
“You know you’re beautiful, that’s it right?” She said and looked up at her. Sofie grinned and gazed down, even with a double chin she was gorgeous.
“Hm?” She responded with confusion. Runa lifted her head from her chest, their eyes remained locked.
“Why you’re so comfortable with your body, isn’t it ‘cause you already know you’re beautiful?” She asked hurriedly, Sofie grinned as her cheeks deepened into a bright pink color.
“That’s not why. I hate showing off my body, nobody else gets to see me like this.” She answered quickly and shook her head. Runa lifted her left hand and stroked Sofie’s right breast carefully.
“So then, why?” She questioned further, and observed Sofie sigh gently, her ribcage expanded slowly while she bit her lower lip. Already she could feel it, the mood changing.

Sofie paused and looked up, seemed to think for a few moments before meeting her eyes warmly again.
“Your eyes are just so warm and kind. When you look at me, especially when I’m like this: I just feel so..” She started it with, but stopped. Runa tilted her head, and observed her heartfelt expression with growing bliss. Sofie moved her hand back to her cheek, caressed it with her fingertips near her ear. She grinned and chuckled apologetically, and added hesitantly:
“Sorry, I don’t think I can do this without getting a little bit poetic.” She said and cleared her throat. Runa grinned and nodded:
“That’s okay, I want to hear it.” She answered to reassure her, looking back on describing her intensity to Harrald. Slowly she was getting used to the compliments, the compassion, and  the endless caresses that she offered.
“I’ll try to tone it down.” Sofie said and closed her eyes, her pale lashes moved down while she sighed long and deep, before opening them again. Now with a gaze so soft yet focused, at the ready to express her heart’s desire. Runa braced herself in quiet glee, this ought to be good, she figured. And maybe this time, she’ll like it?

“You light up parts of me I thought I had lost. When your eyes burn with desire, your kindness is ever present. So of course I’m comfortable with you.” She finally said in a tone so tender and low, she could feel her spine quiver like slowly emerging sparks of lightning. Her heartrate increased inside her chest, gently being set aflame from the center of her heart. Already it felt exceedingly romantic. Slowly she was getting used to it, even growing fond of it. Her heavenly words hit straight in, right to where that pain rested, where that ache grew to grip her with might. She felt the need to touch her somewhere, just to see her tenderness bloom even more. So with an increasing longing clouding her impulse control already, she pinched her nipple gently. Sofie gasped happily and continued. While pressing her dainty thumb against her own lower lip, she grinned more softly with a slightly open mouth. Runa observed her closely, while her sweet words continued:
“Even when I show myself to you, you still care about what I think and feel. You’re so tender and kind to me, I feel so safe with you.” Sofie grinned wider with a trembling voice, still tender like butter between the shakes. Her eyes watered again, Runa felt it too. 

Her chest burned hot with longing, and her sweet words gripped her heart and held it. They weren’t as poetic as yesterday, this seemed more spontaneous and unfiltered. Sofie’s beautiful voice sang sweet tones of tenderness behind every word. She moved her dainty hand away from her lips, and touched Runa’s other hand pressed against her shoulder. She stroked it with her entire palm and fingers, and closed her eyes still with pink cheeks, grinning with closed lips.
“Lost in the void I never thought it’d change. But from the moment you held me; you pulled me out of that indefinite misery. You warm my skin with your flame, cleansing me to the bone. The more naked I am, the more of your warmth I feel.” Her deep voice continued uttering this song from the heavens. Of poetry and blue skies, just like her eyes when they opened and shimmered with tears. In a tender expression she spoke with vivid irises. Runa slowly leaned up to her, her mouth half open in wonder. 

Sofie pressed her hand against her lips again, Runa kissed her palm slowly before closing in on her. She couldn’t help but pull her nipple again gently, just to see her gasp silently. The sight of her ignited her chest, and warmed her groin enough to bring out a heartbeat.
”And your skin is so soft and warm too, feeling you makes me tremble everywhere. God Runa you’re so beautiful, you set my heart on fire.” Sofie said as her voice broke apart.
“How can they treat you so terribly, when you’re so good?” She questioned lastly, groaning as her voice parted asunder. 

She finally started sobbing quietly, tears dripped down the sides of her stunning pale face. She was sweet to care to the point of shedding tears. Bright warmth lit up her torso and beamed in her spine, fluttered her stomach and glowed in her breaths. She didn’t know the answer to her question, all she knew, was what she felt right now. So she shushed at her softly while stroking her cheek, and responded as tenderly as she could muster:
“Oh Sofie, nevermind them. I’m here with you now.” Though her sight blurred as well. With burning pain and desire she leaned in firmly, and pressed their lips together.

She kissed her to expel all the ache begging to come out, Sofie gripped around her head and stroked her hair firmly, while Runa pinched her nipple again. When Sofie gasped and sniffled, she felt it too. That sob jumped out of her as their tongues mingled in wet desperate bliss. Every electric movement stirring deep into her mouth had her spine shiver. She groaned as Sofie gripped her with her legs, opened her thighs wide below her, and gently moved her pelvis against her. Her groin beamed and begged her, yearned for her touch, all while being observed by her. To unfold to the girl who viewed her as a sunset, and of cleansing fire and safety, felt comforting. She sobbed and frowned her brows, moved her pelvis against her in return, while losing herself to aching desire. 

All those terrible eyes, of disgust and fury, it meant little compared to the blue warmth and caring Sofie bestowed upon her. Again the blue flame of her beautiful spirit lit her up within. The deepest parts always swallowed by darkness glimmered iridescently. Even obsidian reflected some light, changing between the dim light of her own innards, and the bright blues Sofie offered. It lit up right where her ribs tied to her spine. And made it glow with trembling blue heat.

She opened her eyes to look down at her expression, above her she relaxed and slowed down with her lips. While circling her tongue more gently, she still felt its wondrous static. As her stomach and spine trembled and burned, her center ached and yearned. Sofie’s eyes were closed but she opened them, had curved her brows firmly but relaxed them. Runa moved back from her delightful lips, and sighed deeply in frustration, while she bit her lower lip. If she herself really did all of that to her, saving her from loneliness and misery, setting fire to her skin and heart, then how could she ever deny her anything? Why not give her all that she deserved in return? Or at the very least, let her look?

Sofie lifted her hands to her cheeks, leaned against her lips and kissed them tenderly, while she closed her eyes. It seemed she had no intention to get her naked. Somehow that made her want it even more. Everything she had said was pure, she began to understand it when Sofie said her purity cleansed her. Against her skin, going deep into the obsidian she felt it too. Burning so warmly, dripping it away like a candle. Much like her groin, buzzing and dripping in her presence. 

She pulled back and paused again, Sofie opened her eyes and stared back, smiling with an adorably puzzled look. Runa felt the ache go through her spine and chest, she yearned for that ease of mind, to know for sure Sofie accepted her. Craving the undoubtedly wholesome look she’d show her, imagining it helped courage rise within her. Fear lessened in the wake of her longing and rising compulsion. Famished for kindness she longed for their skins to touch and for pleasure to rise. I want it, I know that I want it, so just do it. She thought to herself in her head, attempting to psyche herself up. Do it for her.

“Fuck it.” She said in an outward gasp, before she sat up and pulled off her sweater.
Sofie’s eyes widened as she smiled, though she seemed nervous as well.
“Are.. you sure?” She asked hurriedly. Runa threw her sweater away and nodded, sighed nervously while clinging to her longing. Inside her flesh she gripped at herself, and unfolded it to let her look into the bile, into the obsidian and soiled bones. She pulled off her black tanktop and tensed up. Exposed her stomach folding with muscle and fat, she felt her spine chill with tension amidst the warmth. Quickly she threw the tanktop away and gripped her sportsbra, firmly she turned it quickly over her shoulders and head. She might as well have bled, in this moment with an open wound exposed to the heavens. With innards finally seeing the light of day, fright mingled with lust. For a few moments she paused with her eyes closed, slowly she opened them and looked down, and observed her expression with focus. She held her breath for her divine judgement, the crossroads of her life from this moment on happened now. Making her anew, or breaking her asunder.

Sofie looked down at her, at her perky round breasts and belly sticking out, at her wide arms and shoulders, her thighs wide with fat and muscles, and pungy hips defined with bones and lard. Her eyes were first wide with excitement, she smiled widely with such potent joy, Runa started grinning back to her as her fright mellowed. In this moment of truth, stepping into the fire, she lingered in the silence. Sofie’s eyes relaxed and her smile changed to a quiet gasp of wonder. She moved her hand up to her right breast and caressed it carefully, before stroking down to her slightly chunky belly. The feel of her sent gentle lighting up between her vertebrae. 

Then finally, Sofie raised her pale lashes and met her gaze with shimmering blue irises. With joy and wonder, her eyes finally relaxed into lust.
“You really are beautiful.” She said in a tone more like a beautiful hum, to a song she knew she’d remember forever. In this moment she was made anew, in tangible wonder and tenderness nothing else mattered anymore. Her affection fell hard in her heart, and scorched something beautiful like water and wind, like sapphires and summer skies right onto her plate. It was scarred with scratches and turmoil, but that beautiful blue permeated her wounds and past. Forever changing it with studded blues, filling the cracks so the surface not only flattened, but raised. The ache pried loose out her chest and throat, and had her sob as she grinned with her teeth.
“T-thank you.” She whimpered and closed her eyes, tears trickled down her cheeks nonetheless. Sofie sat up, their naked breasts and bellies pressed together. She moved her arms around her limbs and back, and pulled her close into a firm embrace. 

Finally, the closeness she craved happened in broad daylight. At last, she was slowly breaking free from her life from before. This new reality engulfed her, added pressure around her entire body, and softened her skin to something mellow and warm. Her chest radiated so strongly, the sun of her affection rose from the horizon, dazzling the obsidian with its wondrous light. Runa opened her eyes and sobbed quietly still, grinning through it all against her neck and shoulder.
“Oh Runa, no don’t thank me, I thank you.” Sofie responded to her, amidst sobs she gently turned Runa around with her arms and legs, and gripped her hip with her thigh and knee. She elegantly bent over her, her long wavy hair fell around them so beautifully. Still pressing together Sofie stroked her nape with both hands, and kissed her wet cheeks yet again. Runa sniffled and chuckled, Sofie pecked her lips wet with tears before pausing. 

Her bright blue eyes were glossy and melancholy, still tender joy remained in her expression. Observing her compassion and beauty was enough to make her spine beam. She felt her groin beat still, with fingers trembling she lifted her hand up to her bangs, and pressed it to the side. In the unfolding of her flesh she felt a slow high rising. It moved up her legs and back, through her spine and into her breath, before rising up to her neck and throat. She let it out through her breath as it relaxed her, still with tears gently trickling down her temples, she finally let go. Of every look, every hit, and every pain. Inside Sofie gripped, and rearranged her. Nothing else mattered anymore, she wanted to be rid of every bad memory. And only remember this serene moment, this instance changing the true suffering of her past. With this feeling coating and studding every scratch, every previous imprint, and rather subdued her to tranquility.

“Sofie.” She whispered amidst deep slow breaths. Sofie smiled widely with her teeth, and nodded to her expectedly as she sniffled. She gripped Runa’s hand with her own and pressed it firmly against her own cheek. Around her head her thick wavy blonde hair covered her shoulders and upper arms, while still falling towards herself. Her soft delicate face relaxed in her expression. Only tenderness shone in her bright glue eyes, making her full lips grin widely. Amidst her adorable dimples, her fair cheeks were crimson already. She was undoubtedly the most wonderful girl to ever grace this earth. Inside her own torso it boiled and beamed. Her spine trembled against her fluttering stomach, inside her breath and chest it felt light yet heavy, every breath filled with hot sulfur. She felt her groin drip and beat with boiling blood. The sharpest parts of her obsidian, nestled within her spine dripped still, like candlelight she was set on fire. There was nothing else to do, other than to ask for more.

“Cleanse me with your kisses.” Runa whispered further, slowly Sofie lowered her head above hers, nearly touching her nose. Her hair, now mostly dried, fell around her head completely. It waved so beautifully around them, as if embracing her as well. The hairs stood on her arms as she moved her hands around Sofie’s small and soft back, and stroked her skin tenderly. Gently Sofie rubbed her velvety full lips over hers, slowly she pressed her slim hand against her breast, and started fondling it rather timidly. As their lips turned slippery with friction, Sofie’s fingers stroked over and around her nipple slowly. Fire caught in the depth of her spine, and rose from the ashes of her past. It filled her lungs with sparkling vapor, burning her heart up as her pulse rose. Lightning shot up her spine when Sofie opened her mouth and stuck her wet soft tongue inside. It curled around hers deeply and delightfully once again, every movement tingled her spine. Her entire mouth prickled, and her cheeks burned with hot static. Slowly their warm breaths started heaving, she groaned below her and melted into her hair and skin. 

Quickly Sofie let go of her mouth, and moved down and licked her neck. Again she felt the static from her lips, now against her skin. Her groin flickered like a flame, teasing her with pleasure. She gasped as Sofie licked up and down her neck a few times. Runa gripped her hair and drew her fingers through it, gently and automatically her pelvis started thrusting air. The fog fell on her mind, still with hairs raised on her arms, she already felt utterly euphoric. Sofie kissed down her collarbones and upper chest, and tickled her skin with her tongue in a line, the sensation had her gasp again. She still heaved in fast and deep breaths, and gasped again when Sofie gripped her nipple with her lips. Rapidly she licked it and pinched the other. She felt her chest glow and grinned, again her spine spiked with light. She looked down at her while feeling so blissful, and observed her hair cascading around her like a waterfall parting into rivers, splitting into multiple lanes of numerous wonderful possibilities. Her eyes peeked up at her, in a tender expression the heavens swallowed her whole. Gently Runa stroked the hair in the back of her head and said:
“Oh I could get used to this.” Sofie’s eyes shimmered with happiness and tears, she released from her breast and smiled with her teeth.
“Mmh, be careful what you wish for.” She commented so sweetly, it was endearing enough to make her chuckle.
“I regret nothing.” She responded suggestively in an unserious tone. Sofie joined her with her beautifully rolling laughter, making her favorite sound. 

Then she bent down and kissed her breast, bit her nipple and pulled it up. The tingling mingled with slight pain, bursting her outer chest into prickling light. She gasped loudly and bit her lower lip, observed Sofie looking up at her still. Her blue fire shone brightly with lust and joy, the sight of her had the bliss rise even more. Sofie let go of her nipple, lifted her hand and pinched it as well, holding them both up for just a moment. Runa groaned in a shaking breath, looked up and smiled while Sofie lowered her lips against her upper belly.

Softly her lips and tongue licked her skin, while her nipples were stroked and held. Runa opened her legs firmly below her, to her surprise she felt something rise from her groin. Gently in her desire the cloud started glowing, and tingling against the gentle flame that was her clitoris. She gasped and closed her eyes, and started moaning weakly as she faded to it. Sofie released with her lips, and moved herself quickly up to her neck again and licked it. To her own delight she started pulling her nipples repeatedly. She raised her knee against Sofie’s wide hip, and pressed her shin on the backsides of her upper thighs. Stroking her hairy legs against Sofie’s mellow skin and groaning, a gentle orgasm started rising. 

Sofie licked her neck vividly, making it prickle so wonderfully. Amidst wet tenderness she felt gentle biting and sucking. Not enough to actually hurt, but enough to thrill her. Runa felt her chest truly explode with tingling from her nipples. She opened her mouth wide and drew in a deep breath, held it in when the flickering changed to a burning bead. The sucking on her neck increased just enough to tickle with pain. Uncontrollably she let out a weak nasal moan, her legs and belly tightened, and her chest shook in the pressure. She felt her flesh tighten around her spine rather gently, and raised her head up towards her bedroom wall. She lifted her gaze behind her eyelids and moaned for a few more seconds. The pleasure had risen so unexpectedly, showing her the power of Sofie’s touch. 

It fell just as gently, making her heave out of breath as she rose from the fog and chuckled. As she relaxed and saw Sofie raise her head from her neck, she bit her lower lip and grinned. Sofie’s eyes were focused as she too heaved gently. The desire in her eyes lit her right up again.
“God you’re beautiful.” Sofie said to her in a deep trembling voice. The fog remained lighter on her mind, still her body shivered and shook below her. 

While still gasping they started taking off each other’s pants. Pulling them off in a dance of legs and hands, breaths and gentle giggles. So fast they were only in their panties, but she didn’t feel naked anymore. 

Sofie leaned over her head again, and kissed her widely with electric movements. gently she started pressing herself against Runa’s torso and thigh. Her blue eyes remained slightly open, with eyelids heavy with relaxed lust. Runa looked up at her while their tongues tumbled vividly deep in her mouth. Her chest still beamed and prickled with heat, she felt herself dripping as the flickering began anew. Sofie’s breath grew heavy above her, Runa moved her arm from her back and gripped her breast, she touched her nipple firmly and heard her groan in the kiss. The fog fell, her mind fumbled for words while fading from concentration. It’s day three, hold back, hold back! But why? When it feels so right, feels so good, why stop?

Her mind fizzled out as their sweat mingled. And her heart beat like the drum of a parade, in rhythm and force it braced for more, telling her to never ever hold back again. Her mind fell deep into the depths, she relaxed and evaporated into such a wonderful notion. Of the warmth and pleasure they could feel together, showing her all the wet tenderness that could bind them to each other. The number of days mattered little, compared to the density of flesh and bone, of plates and scrapes, wounds and souls. Nothing came close to those eyes of longing, summoned by the skies opening up to her. Showing her the intensity of that bright blue flame. In the fog around her mind, the light of her spirit gleamed through thick moist mist, shining straight into her soul. Nothing was left for her to grip her sanity with, she gave in to her belting heart, to her starving body and soul. For the first time in her life, she let it all go.

So she lowered her hand from her breast, and moved it slowly down her stomach, touching carefully against the outside of Sofie panties. She observed her closely as she started rubbing it with her fingertips, Sofie opened her eyes wide over her and gasped, her cheeks turned bright red. She lifted her head and smiled so beautifully, her long wavy hair raised with her, surrounding their heads still.
“Oh Runa.” She said softly and swallowed, still a bit out of breath. She seemed to be understanding what was about to happen. Runa smiled timidly up at her, still feeling heavy and euphoric, she longed to feel more of her.
“Touch me Sofie, I want you.” She whispered to her with a shivering breath, Sofie grinned with a trembling lip, and smiled with her perfect teeth. Her pale crimson cheeks gathered on each side of her grin, showing off dimples so adorably. Her bright pink lips glistened with spit, a tear fell from her fair lashes. It dripped onto her own cheek, and she finally saw her nod.
“I want you too.” She whimpered softly and seductively. The fog fell over her like a bucket of water just by the thought. Quickly she moved her hand into Sofie’s soaked panties and felt her smooth skin, and her soft wet lips parting beneath her fingertips. Its wetness and warmth was surprising, and its softness was spine-melting. The sensation sent a hard bright shiver up her already hot spine, Sofie gasped for a second before biting her own lower lip. She grinned and moved her hand down into her own black tight fitting boxer-shorts. The flame flickered in her prickling touch, she rubbed the tingling bead for just a moment. Runa gasped and felt herself ignite with every fibre of her being.

But then Sofie started moving her fingers up and down vertically, gently hitting the bead on the way every time. She started doing the same, so quickly the pleasure rose. In movements feeling rather uncoordinated, both their fingers slipping now and again. Sofie leaned down to her slightly open mouth and kissed her. She stuck her soft tongue in and circled it firmly around her own, making it tingle. The sound of her gentle moan had her spine quiver. When she pulled her nipple more firmly, Runa shook and groaned back. That feeling in her breath, and on her chest returned tenfold. Amidst the pleasure vibrating in the bead, the pressure tightened within her. Her own gasps turned to low moans, Sofie heaved over her and opened her eyes. Looked down at her with relaxed focus, somehow their orgasms were rising together. Before, their pelvises had gravitated towards motion so instinctually, finding a way that felt effortless. Now with their fingers it was so intentional, and took effort. To be consistent while pleasure took her focus was more difficult. Her mind was so heavy with vapor, still it burst with the notion of her. No longer did she need to imagine her. Sofie’s face and expression happened here in the moment. Her soft warm body and silky hair, and her sounds of passion, all while feeling their bodies melting together, was mushing her insides and softening her chest. It was all shown to her so openly, as if she herself was worthy of it all. Amidst the sense of trust glowing between them, all her senses were gifted with her presence. 

Still the vertical movements continued faster, that dense humid vapor engulfed her mind again, dulling her hearing and eyesight as if slightly out of focus. The hum rose in full within, she felt the vibrating bead hot with fire gently bursting. Bright tingling pleasure spurted out of it, spreading like a glowing cloud in her groin. She gaped and tried to keep her eyes open. Just barely she observed Sofie doing the same thing. Her face turned redder, and her brows curved to wrinkle the skin between them. She gaped high with narrow eyes, her blue irises lifted slightly in her gaze and unfocused. She moaned sharply in her heaving breaths, her entire face contorted to pleasure. The sight of her conjured more humid vapor to fall around her weak human mind, quivering her body as it tightened. The bead remained amidst vaporized light, she felt a tingling vibration rise inside it, igniting it with gentle ecstasy. Uncontrollably she moaned a bit too hard. It lasted for just a handful of seconds before they let go. The best damn seconds of her life. The moment gathered with pleasure faded in her breath, when she rose from it. Still below Sofie she turned them around effortlessly while gasping for air. 

They laid on their sides, still huddling together. Sofie heaved and kissed her lips softly, and whimpered in a tone so soft and seductive, her entire torso shivered with warmth.
“Gosh Runa, you feel so good.” She commented in deep breaths and grinned, Runa nodded and kissed her back hard. Between a movement she murmured back still gasping for air:
“You do too.” They opened their mouths again, and kissed each other deeply with wet tongues, every movement shivered her spine. Along with trembling against her stomach and glowing chest. She made sure to touch her faster, feeling her fingertips glide effortlessly up and down her slippery vulva. Sofie did the same back, sticky noises came from them both. Sofie smiled nervously at her, must be feeling somewhat embarrassed as well. Her groin beat and swirled with warmth and tingling, she gasped between their circling tongues, and grinned while feeling bright bliss wrap around her melting obsidian. Even though their actions took effort, forgetting everything again felt effortless still.

Slowly but surely their movements turned swifter against each other’s groins, the pleasure rose, they released and gasped, she moaned and closed her eyes. The bead grew warmer once more, pleasure spread like a hot cloud inside her pelvis, she stretched her legs out. Sofie moved her left knee over her hip, it became easier to reach her. She moved her fingers faster in a quick rhythm, still hearing the wet friction producing spine-tingling noises. She changed the movements from vertical to circular.
“Mmh a bit up.” Sofie whimpered. She listened, moved her two fingers further up between her slippery lower lips, Sofie gasped and opened her mouth wider.
“Ah yes, that’s.. mmmh.” She groaned desperately. Runa grinned proudly, made sure to linger exactly there, and relished in the feel of her liquefied heat. She noted in this gentle moment that she was completely smooth, so she did shave? She grinned at her, and observed her face pink up more in another nervous smile. She changed directions with her fingers too, missing that warm bead and she went up beyond it.
“Down, a bit down.” Runa groaned in whimpers. Sofie stared at her intently, grinned and lowered her touch. It wasn’t enough.
“More down.” She added in a shaky whisper. Sofie listened, lowered it more, hit it directly in a continuous circular movement. The bead glowed sharply in heat, making her gasp and squirm. Sofie grinned vividly with happiness because of it, she was so cute.
“Yes right there.” Runa whimpered. They leaned in and pecked each other for a bit, until she plucked up the courage to move her other hand against her cheek and withdrew. A wonderful idea had creeped up from the depth of her lust.

She moved her hand down and touched her chin, then her glossy lower lip with her thumb, the movements between them had become so rapid, her groin vibrated with pleasure. Sofie gasped and closed her eyes, moaned a long beautiful one. It sent a strong shiver up her spine, she moaned back harder and put her thumb gently into her mouth. Sofie opened her eyes and stared at her with an unfocused gaze, quickly she started smiling. Runa’s thumb stroked carefully against her wet tongue, she gasped and opened wider. The sight of her mouth and lips were so intoxicating, the pleasure rose in her groin. Sofie’s fingers found her right nipple, and pulled, making her gasp sharply before moaning again. Her entire chest heated up so much. It all came together, fogged her brain and made her impulsive. She stared at her thick open lips, her white teeth opening up to her wet slippery tongue, and observed it squirming below it. Her groin burst for just a second by the mere idea of seeing more of it.
“Show it to me.” She whimpered in her lust. Sofie’s eyes were tender but her focus was slipping, she smiled and stuck her tongue slowly out her mouth. It was pink and somewhat pointy at the end, though wide at the rest. Glistening so beautifully with saliva, it tempted her while her blood boiled. She pressed her thumb flat on it, and stroked it slowly while gasping. The sight of it made the pleasure reach so near its apex, she moaned harder while squirming, and did her best to focus on it. Sofie grinned and licked her thumb softly, it was so smooth to the touch. Runa held at her chin with her index finger, pushed it down so she’d gape higher. Sofie opened wide and moaned, she seemed to like being watched. The sight of her was so thrilling her entire lower body started buzzing, she gasped and whimpered:
“Holy shit Sofiee.” Sofie in return closed her lips around her thumb, her body was trembling against her touch as well. Runa grabbed her lower teeth with it and pulled her to her own lips. Sofie gaped gently and blushed bright red by the gesture. She moaned as Runa kept touching her vulva swiftly. The tone was rising, Sofie pulled her nipple while Runa put her thumb out of her mouth. Their lips brushed against one another, while gaping with increasingly higher moans.

The bead burst in sharp hot vibrating light, her thighs and belly tightened in spasms. The pleasure swirling in her pelvis attached itself to her bones, and made them glow with warmth and tingling. She opened her mouth wide, and gripped Sofie’s nipple and pulled. Her moans turned sharp and high as well, the sound of it somehow made her orgasm a little bit harder. The fog fell densely inside her, the pleasure burned harder and longer than expected. Amidst swift hands somehow remaining in movement against their vulvas, she felt pleasure merge with scolding vapor. They moaned hard into each other’s mouths, the bright ecstasy dimmed sound as well as thought. 

When it began to fall, they touched their tongues at the tip, rather quickly Sofie leaned over her and kissed her deeper. Out of breath and lightheaded she kissed her back, rose from the fog of desire engulfed by her body and mouth. She released and panted hard, and groaned out of breath.
“M-more.” She whimpered in a gasp, Sofie moved her hand faster against her vulva. Those sticky noises came only from herself now, she grinned while feeling embarrassed and moaned, doing it back as best she could. The orgasm rose fast and hard again, her belly started tightening. Dense moisture like drizzle blanketed her mind with bliss, making her close in on herself so quickly. She tightened her entire body, and moaned into her mouth. Completely elevated from herself she felt the bead re-emerge and explode with brightly glowing pleasure. She moved her head back into the pillow and released from her lips, opened her eyes and observed her brows tightening with passion. Runa made sure to touch her more swiftly with the little focus she had left, just to see her face. Her mouth agape, and her beautiful cheeks red and dimpled, amidst her intoxicating moans. Runa’s gaze lifted as the orgasm turned hard inside her, her moan grew nasal as she said:
“Fuuuck.” She gasped desperately before moaning harder, her own efforts to give pleasure faltering to ecstasy. The bead in her groin shook in the explosion, as if making and unmaking itself in pure potent light. The height of it lingered, she groaned and moaned and shook. Her thighs spasmed gently. She closed her eyes and held Sofie’s neck and hair. She had begun to move against her upper thigh. Quickly she moaned sharply in her breaths as well. Runa barely noticed any of it happening, in the thick fog she felt her move against her. With fingers faltering in the pressure between her own thigh and Sofie’s wet vulva, somehow it was enough for her.
“Ooh god.” She moaned against her lips. For a few seconds she herself lost it all completely, the pleasure so hot and burning inside her, it burst sharply in pure bright white, and shook her groin with tingling hot ecstasy. The pleasure remained at its highest point for second after second, setting her entire body on fire. She screamed and felt her own vagina contracting. All her muscles tightened firmly around her spine, and her thighs spasmed while her legs stretched and her ankles and toes curved. For a few seconds they shook together, everything was forgotten but this wonderful shared moment.

She let go, heaving exhaustively for a few seconds while regaining her mind, Sofie laid limp breathing over her. Runa grinned and turned them around with aching muscles, and moved over her slowly. She emerged from the fog out of breath, against her lips but not touching them. She opened her eyes and panted into her mouth, saw Sofie staring up at her with a tired wondrous gaze. Runa grinned with prickling cheeks, moved her hand from her sweaty back around to her vulva once more, and started touching her swifty in circular movements. She wanted to see her face, and craved for more sticky noises, more moans coming from her, more of everything.
“Up, a bit up.” Sofie whispered so adorably while grinning, Runa listened immediately, moved her soaked fingers up a bit, still with gentle circular movements. Sofie gasped while staring straight at her. The fire of her blue irises burned still, lighting the way to her beautiful heart.
“More just like that.” She suggested in heaving whispers. Runa felt her chest mushing, while her vulva dripped and contracted gently with leftover pleasure. Sofie already spread her legs below her, Runa started moving her fingers more swiftly. That delightfully wet sticky noise graced her eardrums. Sofie opened her mouth high and moved her head back. Her small hands and thin arms gripped around her undoubtedly sweaty back, and held her firmly. She gaped and tightened her brows, moaned higher both in volume and tone. Her vulva was so wet and warm by now, just feeling it made her spine shiver. It felt like sticking her fingers into hot jello, already melted in the friction against a layer of soft loose tissue. Every sensation felt so smooth on her fingers in motion. She started to pinch her nipple repeatedly with her free hand, and observed her beautiful expression with glee. It tightened as she gaped higher, she shut her eyes hard and leaned her face further up. Amidst such wide and high moans time slowed. Like a song from the heavens, giving flavor to a masterpiece especially crafted to entice her. She awed at the expression over her pale skin, the frown of her tightening brows, and shape of her thick lips as she gaped. Her crimson cheeks and soft bone structure looked divine amidst her delightful expressions. And her hair framed it all with long blonde and wavy locks, curled at the ends by the snow now melted away. 

Runa smiled with warm prickling cheeks, and leaned down to her ear and whispered:
“Sing to me, beautiful.” She heard Sofie’s moans heighten in pitch, her grip rose to her shoulders and held them with desperation, Runa leaned back just enough to observe her face tighten more. Sofie’s spread thighs started spasming. Runa could feel more fluid gathering on her fingers in her swift touch, Sofie’s hands moved around her head. She tightened her brows and gaped higher with red cheeks and a pink face. For a few seconds she shook in silence, before gasping hard again. Then she moaned sharply and loudly, tingling her spine with tones so thrilling, it was set on fire. The song of her pleasure was spine melting.

“Harder.” She groaned after breathing in again. Runa listened, did it harder and faster, her fingers slipped upwards in the slippery friction. Sofie groaned desperately while opening her blue wondrous eyes, she frowned her brows so angrily. It was exceedingly adorable, before she said desperately:
“No go back down Runa, down!” Runa couldn’t help but grin back at her, she had never seen anyone’s frustration be this cute before. So she concentrated and lowered her touch. When she hit it Sofie opened her mouth wide, closed her eyes again, lifted her chin and gasped loudly. Then she started moaning again. 

The sight of it gave her pleasure, the sound of it made her entire spine shake and shiver. Her groin beat with heat and lust. She gasped and panted hard against her wide open lips. Sofie shook below her, for four whole glorious seconds she screamed in a pitch so high, the joy in her center exploded into hard bliss. She felt her groin drip and tremble even without friction. Then Sofie squirmed and pushed her wet fingers away while she heaved exhaustively. Runa lowered her head, pressed her face against Sofie’s clammy breasts and grinned with pride.

She embraced her head completely out of breath, and started laughing in her exhaustion.
“We’re kinda good at this.” She commented happily and held her tightly. Runa chuckled proudly while gazing up at her, still with her chin against her cleavage.
“Well I’m just listening to you.. and your demands.” She teased gently, and observed Sofie’s sweet laughter continue with burning cheeks.
“God I’m sorry.” Sofie responded gleefully while giggling so beautifully. Runa could feel it shaking against her face from inside her chest. Maybe her laugh was her favorite sound, or was it her spine-tingling moan?
“You feel so damn good, and I get so caught up in it.” Sofie added further while whimpering. Runa saw tears running down the sides of her face, and moved up to see better while her neck clenched. So suddenly the mood changed.
“I don’t mean to be bossy or.. forceful.” She spoke further with a voice breaking apart. Runa lifted her hand and wiped it on the sheets, before stroking her cheek with her fingertips. She pouted at her and shushed her in a soft whisper.
“Easy now, it’s okay, you weren’t forceful. I’m doing great, don’t you worry.” She reassured her as softly as she could muster. Sofie nodded and sniffled, looked down so adorably. She was such a stunning girl in every way possible, and they had felt so good together. Even after she worried about being good to her. The notion ignited her spine and chest, she leaned in and pressed their lips together, stroked her cheeks and grinned.
“You sweet beautiful girl.” She murmured to her. Sofie smiled back and released, sniffled as joy rose in her wondrous blue eyes again. Seeing her face like that, hearing her sounds, and feeling her beautiful body: It was all so blissful, didn’t she know how damn divine she was?
“I enjoyed every second of that, you’re so incredibly beautiful.” Runa uttered further while looking down at her, Sofie’s blush pinked up as she gazed away while biting her lower lip. Her shyness was endearing, she wanted to see more of it. So she smirked and added more playfully:
“And besides, it’s good that you tell me, how else am I supposed to hear you sing?” She couldn’t help but tease her again. Sofie’s cheeks turned crimson, and her stunning smile opened wide. She giggled loudly and gripped the back of her head. While looking down with glee she caressed her curls hard with her fingers. After a bit she sighed steeply, before gazing at her with warmth and grace, saying:
“I get what you mean. Every face you make, and every sound coming from you just melts me.” Her tone was so soft and genuine, so intensely loving, she hoped she never forgot this bliss. She moved her elegant little hand back and stroked her cheek.
“Exactly, you get it.” Runa commented while smirking and blushing. 

Sofie smiled back as her blue gaze relaxed to lust. The sight of it ignited her yet again, making her breath and spine glow, and for her groin to drip ever so gently once more. Already her own underwear was positively soaked.
“And.. when you look at me I burn inside.” Sofie continued, seeming to relish in telling her. Gently her dainty hands pressed at her shoulder and turned them softly around. Her soft breasts and slim belly pressed against her own, she lifted her knee and bent it beside Runa’s hip. Both of her slim hands held at her cheeks, she moved her pelvis gently against her thigh, Runa observed her with a fluttering stomach, and a torso so warm she could boil and melt. Seeing her happy and lustful again made wonder erupt in her chest. Still she felt the need to encourage her. It was so damn adorable, she was so precious. Hearing it made her groin beat and drip more, producing gentle pleasure yet again.
“Mmmh tell me more, beautiful.” She responded in gasps. Her cheeks prickled as Sofie leaned down to her lips, still she moved her pelvis seductively against her and murmured:
“You’re so precious to me, I don’t want anyone else, just you.” Runa felt her chest ache with such a potent happiness, it hurt and made her tear up. 

What a shadow on the wall it had been, believing nobody would ever love her, or even like her? Now hearing her sweet words, feeling it explode inside her ribcage, as well as swallowing her soul whole with her beautiful body: It all claimed her pain converting it to bliss. In her glorious presence there wasn’t much left of the foul creature she used to be. All the horrific insults she had been told, all the ideas they had planted in her head: faded like burning sand dunked into water. It evaporated in the air, fading into the void of the heavens, into the vastness of her bright blue glossy eyes. Her mind imploded with bright euphoria. She sobbed and gripped Sofie’s head, and whimpered desperately to her.
“Do you want me to fall for you?” She asked amidst joyous gasps. “Because I will.” She added, hoping she remembered her saying it on Monday. Sofie chuckled while still grinding against her.
“What if I do?” She asked softly and somewhat hesitantly.
“Well then..” Runa answered while gently panting. “You’re in luck, ‘cause I already am.” Sofie gasped gently, and smiled widely with shimmering blue eyes and red cheeks, clearly tearing up. She leaned down to her mouth, her thick wavy hair fell around their heads again.
“Oh Runa, I’m falling too.” She whimpered in a hum gentle like the choirs of heaven. Their lips met hard and tingled in the friction, Runa sighed steeply through her nostrils. Then she embraced her around her lower back. 

Her heartrate increased rapidly, while her entire body buzzed hot with not only arousal, but pure glowing bliss as well. Amidst her sweet movements Runa faded in blazing splendor yet again. She lifted her hand from behind her back and moved it to herself, and pressed it against her round soft breast, caressing it hard. Sofie sighed firmly and stuck her tongue into her mouth, she swirled it around her own and panted. The ache in her chest grew around her heart and pressed against a familiar sharpness. Her flesh usually faltered when her trauma stirred. For the second time today Sofie’s body and words pushed against it with glowing softness. If anything could melt it, even just a little bit, it was her.

Sofie moved hard against her thigh, and kissed her intensely, the fog brought her away from her awareness yet again. She grabbed Sofie’s soft back and turned her around with ease, Sofie moaned in the kiss before releasing now laying on her side, and asked so tenderly:
“Take me again.. please.” Runa grinned while feeling engulfed in her soft skin and warmth. She observed her blue eyes filled with focused tenderness, it thrilled her entire torso with heat and tension.
“Oh I will.” She responded enthusiastically, and quickly moved her head down to her upper breasts. 

She started to kiss around her pink erect nipple, before gently biting it repeatedly. Sofie whimpered in silence with a wide smile, added more desperately:
“You’re melting my heart.” She began to sob silently, the moment Runa touched her she gasped gently, Sofie’s vulva was much like before, so soft and wet, warm and enticing. Runa moved her head up and faced her again, her warm tears smeared when they leaned in and kissed. Their lips moved together widely, shivering her spine so warmly. Then she released in a tearful whimper and said:
“Mine too.” Sofie put her hand down into her tight boxer shorts, and touched her in return.
“A bit up.” Runa whispered, Sofie acted fast. The pleasure rose so quickly between them, but instead of it being for the sakes of their lusts, she noticed; this was for something else. 

It was for that soul swallowed whole into the burning sun, and that aching bliss amidst hot vapor, falling down densely over her head. For the beast she was told she was, for all the harm making her believe it to be so. For the sad girl Sofie had been when they first met. Her tearful eyes gleamed as she parted from herself. With a burning spine and heart, a trembling spine and groin, the deepest parts of her came forth. A manifestation of the studded blues Sofie had given her, came out in the movements of their lips and hands. It felt like she extended into her as she faded, slowly a glimmering light flamed between them. A bright white little being, it emerged between the movements of their lips and naked breasts.

Her mind dulled in the pleasure, the image of herself melted and molded anew around the light. Sofie pulled her nipple with her fingers, released from her mouth and looked at her with red cheeks and glossy eyes. She was the most beautiful person to ever live, her gaze was too tender for this cruel world. That light turned bright in her wondrous eyes. The tenderness struck her with pain and bliss, still that blue studded her plate of fading scars. They gaped to one another while panting, the pleasure swirled like warm glowing rivers on loop, twirling in her pelvis ever brighter. She squirmed gently beside her, Sofie smiled and whimpered:
“Oh god Runa.” Runa grinned and touched her faster, making her gape in silence for a few seconds, all while she curved her brows tightly. Then she moaned and groaned, and started heaving desperately. The sound of it buzzed her groin and skin, and trembled her spine and thighs. The light shone brighter within the pleasure.
“We’re here together, Runa, together.” Sofie groaned loudly amidst everything, she seemed impulsive in her choice of words. Hearing her sent a strong bolt of fire up her spine, it spread and laid over her skin, making it buzz. It almost seemed like she wanted them to be together as a couple, the mere idea of it set the flame ablaze, spreading it like a first fire. She barred her eyes open with joy and surprise, her warm chest ached to be inside her, to step into her skin to hug the deepest parts. Their insides could blend together and never be alone. The closest thing to it, was this. Could they merge while gripping desperately against each other’s hearts? With lips and hands, amongst heaving chests and minds lost to utter euphoria? 

Pleasure rose simultaneously yet again, it didn’t seem accidental anymore. She moaned hard when the orgasm erupted in her groin. The bead already bright and tingling with pleasure, burst quickly and had her groan and moan enthusiastically. Sofie gaped against her lips in hard loud moans, Runa moaned in the heavy fog, and just barely observed her brows tightening yet again. Words fell into her head; my mind and heart, take it all, blend with me, and be mine! Still the light shone brighter, and moved her to tears even amidst the pleasure. Her mind scrambled to gather them before fading completely. Being swallowed in edging ecstasy, she emptied and faded. All she could say was:
“Yes, together.” She mumbled between her breaths, Sofie grinned widely, her entire face turned red. Runa made sure to be swifter at her vulva, kept it up near the slit it started at, and saw Sofie close her eyes. She gaped higher and leaned her head back, the sight of it made the pleasure so big and pure in her groin. It shone in white, tingled hot like fire and made her scream in her moan. 

They melded with bodies and souls, in an explosion of light she faded into her. They were one being moving against itself, one person of light experiencing pleasure like an act of masturbation, it was gathering its flesh around its two spines, twinning and shaking together. All while gripping and stroking its own body with all four of its arms and hands. Melting together as hot tingling vibrated inside it ever greater, the light burned and scolded her emotions as well as her innards. We’re here, together!

The growing bliss and ecstasy burst in their entire pelvises. Around their spines their flesh tightened hard, intense potent pleasure spread, they felt their spines bolt with warmth and light. Its mind faded completely, the pleasure took over the body of light, their thighs and belly spasmed, it barely remembered to breathe. And emptied as their faces tightened in wide quiet gasps, with eyes closed they faced up and back. One of the mouths opened to moan vividly in Sofie’s sweet voice. The sound of it tickled its brainstem like static. Then they gasped hard and screamed one last loud one, the pleasure started hurting like the point of a needle. They parted and she moved her head forward and pressed it against her wet cheek. 

They panted exhaustively while she rose from the fog, they removed their hands out of each other's underwear, and simply held around one another instead. Their bodies were moist and clammy, and their breaths were hot and heavy. She closed her eyes while pressure grew behind them, her body ached and hurt in exhaustion. With nipples beating gently with pain, and a gentle tingling on her neck, her hands and feet prickled as if half asleep. Aching bliss trembled her chest as tears pressed out, trickling down her temples. She felt Sofie’s hands start stroking her back, it had her smiling and groaning against her cheek, quickly she did it back to her. 

A wave of intense euphoria hit her, like the ocean slowing down against her, helping her float with a body so desirable. Her skin buzzed as it changed, and loosened from the barbed wire covering it. Softening around her faltering obsidian, actually feeling beautiful. A transcendent revelation making her grin wide in her loud gasps. It seemed that being of light had changed something inside of her. Had Sofie felt it too?
“Oh my god, that was.. insane.” Whispered Sofie between her heaving breaths. Runa started giggling in her shock and bliss, she felt proud they somehow were quite good at this. It wasn’t their talent for sure, maybe their desire was the culprit? Though that didn’t feel deep enough, perhaps their affection was to blame. An astoundingly deep crush had singed them with longing and pleasure, making it impossibly good, turning them to something else, something new.
“Yeah, it was.” She commented happily while remembering the notion of becoming one being. It was wonderful enough to make her giggle to herself in bliss, despite her still feeling so exhausted. 

She was not only whole, spit out by the engulfment of that being Sofie had offered to her. But she was dense and meaningful after. Every breath and heartbeat, every thought and feeling gained meaning beyond her. Sofie grabbed her back and moved her slowly over herself, lifting both her knees and embracing her with all her limbs. Runa groaned happily against her neck, the fog lifted completely, and made her process their words and actions more clearly. 

They had made something so beautiful together, they had melted together in symbiotic pleasure. She felt it deep in her chest, that her affection already so dense and heavy, sank deeper and made her tear up again. I’m actually beautiful? She grinned and yawned now with heavy eyes. Her thoughts slowly dimming not to lust, but warm exhaustion. Her body ached, still her chest glowed with happiness. Like the gentle high after a workout session, she felt euphoria rise. But this was far higher and denser than what she was used to. She grinned blissfully against her neck, and nuzzled into it while groaning happily. She felt her hand and fingers hurt a bit, gently she moved them behind Sofie’s back against the mattress.

Indeed she had said such wonderful things to her, and seemed to have meant it so earnestly. In exactly the way she craved; Sofie had gazed at her body, kissed and stroked it. So clearly she had relished in every moment of it, she had even touched her groin with glee, and not disgust. Everything was let loose, every opinion, every feeling telling her otherwise was gone. This was a new world, she had transcended her own body, her own reality, and transformed into a being made of pleasure and safety. Now after, she herself had changed into something more. In the aftermath she was a beautiful and beloved lover, even if she wasn’t ready to completely commit to her yet. It felt inevitable, like a part of her was hers already. The part that had just blended with her in light and pleasure, she realized it couldn’t be undone. Everything had changed, and there was no going back. I will be hers soon, she told herself to soothe the need to be one again, bracing herself. Had she ever been this happy before? She didn’t know such joy could exist inside her, so she teared up.

The euphoria lingered and she realized: She felt no aching or longing anymore, no sharpness or insecurity. In this blessed moment everything had calmed, and she relaxed every muscle in her entire body. She rested silently while feeling her clammy skin and soft strokes. It was so sweet how she made an effort to tell her, to show her how beautiful she found her to be. She didn’t even care that she hadn’t felt anything like that feeling up until now, as long as it was Sofie who first gave it to her. A sense of belonging and admiration was bestowed upon her, by Sofie’s enchanting body and beautiful soul, from her delicate mouth and slim elegant hands. Every part of her was given freely. She was sure she could never unfeel it, now that it had happened it was here to stay. A dense vast feeling deep in her chest, still folding and softening around the obsidian in the aftermath, rising firmly inside her. Nothing mattered more, than Sofie, and what she had given her.

“You’re all I want too.” Runa whispered tenderly. The fact that someone in this world wanted her, in every way she could think of, was still so wild. That this beautiful girl had made her feel worthy, to feel actually beautiful was astounding. The leap was great but they had done it, together. Her chest still glowed with bliss, slowly she fell into slumber, Sofie stroked her up to the back of her neck, and pressed her face against her shoulder. She caressed her curls with one hand, and her back with the other. Its sweet sensations lulled her even more.
“Oh Runa.” She said so warmly.
“That’s good, ‘cause..” She added. “You really do have it, my heart.” Maybe they were cheesy, overly romantic and sentimental? But apparently Sofie felt it too, whatever illusion of the mind it all had been, she embraced it with her. Runa rubbed her face back and forth against her neck, and held her tighter with both arms. She sighed hard while grinning, still she felt so relaxed above her, she started yawning and sighing slowly.
“You have mine too.” She uttered tiredly. Somehow she wanted her to know, wanted to make a long elaborate serenade. With words flowing with warmth, being beautiful enough to grip her heart in return. But all that came out in her rapid exhaustion was:
“We were one.” She whispered, Sofie started pecking her neck repeatedly, making her chuckle exhaustively with joy.
“Yes, we were.” Sofie responded tenderly after. So she did feel it too? The notion had her chest burst with light. Her stomach fluttered so hard, and her spine shivered with warmth. She giggled more, but another yawn disrupted it. Sofie chuckled beside her, and asked amused:
“Oh did I tire you out already?” Runa nodded against her and groaned:
“Mhmmm.” Sofie pulled the covers over them, and turned off the light quickly. 

Warm safe darkness laid itself over them. Her body was so relaxed and content, and her heart soared with deepening affection. Sofie started stroking up and down her back with her fingernails. Runa groaned again, this time with relaxation. Were they together now? It felt like it, she felt something was changing. It was hard to know for sure, as she faded into sleep. Half way gone she yawned again and mumbled in a whisper:
“It felt good to be one with you.” Sofie stroked the hairs in the back of her head, whispered back as her slumber began:
“It did for me too.”

*

Sofie awoke in the darkness still with Runa on top of her. Her entire body covered her, and her face pressed beside her neck. She was heavy, but somehow the added pressure against her chest, made her breaths surprisingly calm. Despite everything terrible her naked body had felt: Somehow this strong beautiful being weighed her anxieties down, and gave her inner chest ease and calmness. Even for that terrible moment where she had thought she forced her somehow, Runa calmed her down with gentle words and jokes. She effortlessly transformed her uneasiness into bright glowing euphoria. She had uttered words to bring out her laughter and eventually lust, playing her like some instrument with her caring. Yet she wasn’t controlling, somehow she had the talent to ease her into such joy with grace, it was baffling.

She looked up in the darkness, listened to her rhythmic breaths and grinned. Both had fallen asleep together the moment silence fell. It had been hard to stay awake with her exhaustion looming, while relaxing with bliss in this warm darkness. Feeling her chest rise and fall like waves, hearing her breathe inside that soft body of hers. It all lulled her slowly to sleep. Now she had awoken again, now she couldn’t stop thinking.

The animals that they were came to mind. She had read about the nature of mating, about pleasure and bonding, even about oxycontin and serotonin. How the human brain reacts to orgasms as if it was a seizure. And about how falling in love is addictive, she knew it all. But feeling it was so overwhelming, it took over every fibre of her, every speck of flesh and bone, and every awareness of her brain. She had been taken away from every terrible memory, of all the pain that had been inflicted upon her. Merging with her had made her anew, into someone who didn’t remember, someone who would never cease to exist between them. Whatever information she knew didn’t prepare her for this , nothing could ever ready her for that blessed being made of light. That wonderful feeling of being one, emerging from their pleasure blazing and climaxing together. So this was what it was supposed to be like, when doing it? That was what she was supposed to become all along? Maybe her first time hadn’t been taken from her after all? Perhaps it had slumbered amidst the pain and suffering even still, and only sweet Runa could drag it out of her? Only she could set her aflame so beautifully, bring her warmth and joy, pleasure and safety. God, she was so incredible, so damn wonderful, it was actually unbelievable.

She sighed and stroked her back, felt her soft skin with her palms and fingertips. Kept wondering how anyone could ever think so horribly of such a beautiful girl? Her with such a warm and endearing soul, glowing out those fiery eyes. How dared they interpret that with anything but awe? Anger sprinkled in her bliss, she frowned her brows in the darkness. The moments fell back into her head, of Runa’s dark face wide in surprise and joy. Listening to her confessing it all so honestly, genuinely looking shocked. How her eyes had teared up in a wide smile, amongst moans and curved brows she had sobbed. A tragedy blanketed by the knowledge that she finally knew, finally heard it all. In the making of her affection, igniting in their beings becoming one, she must have felt it. She seemed to have been relishing in it, embracing it. Observing her in such a joyous orgasmic state had loosened her own right out of her, along with her heart. Only at the end when the pleasure rose to its highest had she experienced it. While feeling it simultaneously it felt like they melted, her awareness had phased into the pleasure completely, before merging with her as one. Though physically impossible, it seemed Runa had felt it too. Hinting at it and saying she liked it just before falling asleep. No such being could be evoked between them. Biologically it was impossible, the order of carbon based lifeforms restricted them. With senses and emotions, they bent to the will of organic life. She was a biological machine, guided uselessly with glands, hormones and instincts, all to make her reproduce. It hadn’t been her hardest orgasm, though it came close at the end: Something had felt different. They had said such wonderful things to each other, spoken words setting her heart aflame. The tenderness had felt so vast, she had faded into it, into her.

She concentrated, and imagined her own limbs and fingers, her heart and muscles growing and forming over millions of years. She saw the dawn of humanity, and the countless people fighting to live, just so she could lay here with her. Held in her strong arms, with the grip of the divine around her. Humanity embraced her over generations, gave her bliss like the burning sun. She sniffed her hair and sobbed silently, and smiled as her chest ached. She wished she could thank them all, let them know all they fought for was worth it. She tried to imagine Runa’s real hardships, her childhood, her pain. Somehow that was difficult to create in her mind, because she was a real person. Not some concept she could turn around and inspect, to consider abstractly. Though thanks to Runa’s descriptions her daily torment was easier to see. Beatings, screaming, insults, still she sobbed in the darkness. People really told that to her face? This beautiful human being had experienced all that, and more? She understood it was but a fraction of all the abuse she had experienced. So she pressed her close, sniffled as silently as she could. God, poor Runa, how can I ever make up for it all? She wanted to thank her too, for living this long, so that she herself could have this joy. Though it felt selfish of her, she wanted Runa to live on her own merit. Because her life meant something with or without her. But she was so thankful, was it wrong of her to say it?

“Runa, are you awake?” She whispered.
“Hm?” She groaned back while clearly waking up, started moving her arms and stroked her shoulder. Sofie blushed hard, just feeling her move against her own skin made her stomach flutter. Indeed the softness of her was so wide and warm, her chest and stomach fluttered and mushed. Her spine beamed with bright affection.
“I just wanted to say; thank you.” She said softly, Runa turned her head and pressed her nose against her upper cheek.
“Oh my pleasure, literally.” She said smugly. Sofie pressed her face against her shoulder hard, gripped her tighter as she giggled. She felt herself blushing hard and closed her eyes in the darkness. The joy erupted brightly in her chest, she didn’t even fully comprehend if it was actually funny, or if her mind was so lost to her, it ignited no matter what she said.
“No, not that.” She responded amused. “For surviving long enough for us to be together. Thank you so much.” She added softly when her laughter calmed. Runa lifted her face and met her lips quickly, it sent a soft shiver up her spine, and made her stomach flutter harder. Runa released quickly and said:
“Awe, Sofie. I’d do it all again if I knew I’d end up here, with you.” She had such a knack for making her chest burst with joy and hurt at the same time. Her words made her innards melt and for her spine to shiver harder. Warmth prickled like burning static in her cheeks.
“Oh Runa.” Was all she mustered to say before she pressed their lips together again. She turned Runa to the side in her grip while their lips dragged softly over and under each other. The movements were gentle and electric. Their soft lips tickled with wet friction. She released and moved her hand back, struggling to find the light switch on Runa’s nightstand. 

The light turned on and shone behind her eyelids. She squinted and turned to Runa again, who opened her big brown eyes and smiled at her. Though she was happy, her brows tightened in a tired frown, and her eyelids were heavy. She too was in fact very cute when she was tired. Sofie grinned still with hot cheeks, observed as Runa looked at the clock from behind her shoulder and grinned.
“It’s only a bit over four.” She said happily. Sofie pushed her close and pressed their faces together.
“Mmmm yes, what joyous news.” She joked. Runa smiled and sighed, laid her head on her arm, and said calmly with gentle and tired eyes:
“It’s just that.. I thought I’d sleep longer. I fell asleep so late yesterday.” Sofie picked at her curls carefully, touched their nosetips while observing her in wonder. All that they had done still flickered in her mind, the emotions and sensations had her blush in gentle glee. She felt new somehow. Removed from the lightning of fear, from gripping and force, in her arms against her pretty face she was free. She sighed hard in a long shaky breath, and teared up for just a moment. It felt like the feel of her, the sound of her was a repellent for suffering, the solution to everything. She was the force of life with the power to heal it all. She stroked her curls firmly and grinned. Runa really was the summer sun she had longed for, truly she was her salvation. Every time she processed it, she fell more for her.
“Oh, how come?” She asked tenderly, still remembering the bliss of her touch, the song of her moans of pleasure. Runa leaned in front of her completely. Her beautiful dark face smiled softly at her, with tired eyes so tender yet vivid. Sofie lifted her hand from her curls and stroked her warm cheek.
“I just gotta catch up with my workout routine after you leave.” Said Runa so casually, as if she wasn’t the person changing her world.
“Then I showered, and I laid awake missing you for a while too.” She continued a bit more sullenly, Sofie began to imagine what that would look like. Her beautiful body moving and sweating, she blushed harder and bit her lower lip. Tried to focus still so taken by it all. Runa must have noticed, she started giggling suddenly and vividly.
“Oh my god Sofie.” She said amused, her laugh was infectious. Sofie started chuckling carefully along with her, embarrassment made her cheeks hotter.
“Sorry, don’t mind me, go on.” She said and cleared her throat. Runa leaned in and pecked her hard a few times. It made her spine shiver while her stomach fluttered even more. 

Then she leaned back, relaxed in front of her and sighed slowly and deeply with a smile. She knew how much she was liked, and it showed in her wonderful expression. She seemed proud, the sight of it gave her torso warmth, she felt pride too; for giving her something that actually helped her.
“Anyway, I’m worried about you when it comes to your mom. And of course I wondered if it’d be too much for you and that you’d leave, which would be fair.” She said as her gaze lowered beneath tightening brows. Softly her slim dark lips frowned and sighed. She felt her own face contort in sorrow, and lifted her hand from her cheek. Caressed the cute little curls near her ear. 

Of course she’d be worried about that. For a moment she frowned her brows while feeling fury rise within, another thing her mother ruined. Not just for herself, but for Runa as well. Giving her worry in a time supposed to be only blissful. Of course she knew she’d have to tell her eventually, in her cowardes she wanted to wait. But perhaps she shouldn’t? So quickly her mother’s sharp face contorting in anger came to view, within her she could so easily imagine what she’d say already: ‘My child is not going to burn in hell!’ Maybe she’d think she was confused? ‘Of course you’d be confused about such things after what happened.’ Blame her own feelings and behaviour on the worst day of her life. Or maybe she’d blame Runa? ‘She has brought Satan to you, corrupted you in a time where you’re so vulnerable. Made you think you wanted to sin.’ No matter the hatred, or conflict, she decided already: Her mother would just have to get on with it, now that Runa was here it was no other way. It wasn’t like it would change either, even if Runa wasn’t in her life anymore. The fallout could be massive, but her sweet embrace would make it easier, make it worthwhile.
“I plan to stay actually.” She whispered quickly, Runa frowned her brows with apparent worry. Stroked her hair and cheek tenderly, her careful touch produced flutters in her belly. She grinned with warm cheeks and looked down at her.
“You sure?” Runa asked hesitantly, her voice tense in a very careful kind of way. Sofie lifted her hand from her hair near her ear and pressed her palm against her hand. Turned her face and stroked her big soft hand with her nose and lips. And frowned her brows when longing finally re-emerged inside her chest. Quickly her mind beamed with what had happened today, of her beautiful face tightening with pleasure, of her stunning body and the feel of her skin against her lips. The images rose in potency, showed her spinemelting pleasure and euphoric happiness. It had burned on her skin, lit her spine on fire. She started kissing her wide hand, pressure rose behind her eyes and gave them tears. That desire calmed and sank within, while the softness of her touch and comfort rose in its stead. Of those tender eyes lighting up her world, that smile melting and relaxing her, bringing her joy she thought was lost. Everything she had told her before Runa dressed off for her, had been true. With her it wasn’t just fun and relaxing, but so intensely safe. Finally healing some of her terror, all the way inside her shell. Filling it with warmth and flesh, re-awakening her to the beauty of life. She was a blessing beyond compare. Nothing about herself would change with or without her, she’d still have to face her mother eventually. Why would she ever want to do anything without her by her side? 

So she opened her eyes and looked down at her, tears fell as she smiled and sniffled. Runa gazed up at her with wide worry. How she had cried and smiled above her, when finally being seen for what she was. The most obvious and automatic reaction to her beautiful body, had moved her to tears. How would she react if she herself ever left her now? Would she fall back to believing she meant nothing? Just the thought of it made her chest burst with sharp sorrow, and she tightened her brows in a quiet sob. Everything would be worse for them both, if she left her. I already want you, now and forever, she wanted to say.
“I’m so sure, I promise I won’t go anywhere. I want you too much for that.” She said softly instead, observed Runa’s gaze of dark amber relax, and she started smiling gently. Her eyes turned glossy still, and she breathed deeply in.
“I want you too.” She said as she breathed out, continued while stroking her lips with her thumb. Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks, sniffled her tears away and kissed it.
“And I promise to be worth it.” Runa added tenderly while still smiling, it made her chuckle in rising bliss. Didn’t she already know?
“You already are, Runa.” She commented hurriedly, Runa looked down for a few moments, seeming shy, undoubtedly processing the strength of their bond already made. She nodded and smiled wider, raised her gaze now less tearful. She lowered her broad hand, pressed it against her neck and lower jaw. A few fingers stroked at her hair, Sofie smiled and looked down. Her touch was still quite overwhelming despite them being pressed together underneath the covers.
“Of course Mom is gonna be a pain and it’ll hurt, a lot. But she’s just gonna have to deal with it. Whatever happens, I’ll have you.” She complained, Runa sighed and looked down again, said sullenly:
“I wish I could do something to make sure that she’ll accept you. Most people think I’m rowdy and displeasing. Your mom too, right? I can’t do anything to help you, it’s...” Her words made her insides mush and tense up in anger at the same time.
“Runaaa.” She complained, Runa sighed and smiled a bit.
“No no it’s fine, it’s nice you don’t feel that way. It more than makes up for the way everyone else sees me.” She responded so casually, it became even more heartbreaking.
“It’s not the end of the world, sure it sucks but.. I don’t need anyone else to like me, all I need is you.” Somehow the sadness in her eyes lit up in sharp forceful joy. But then it sank again while she sighed, she paused with a relaxed expression. Sofie frowned her lips and stroked her soft cheek gently with her fingertips. Runa continued:
“I just wish I was smarter, so I knew what to do. Or a little bit pretty, so that maybe your mom would trust me more.” Her dark eyes looked to the side away from her, she sighed as her gaze relaxed in somber thought. Sofie stroked her cheek more firmly, her chest spiked with sorrow. Maybe she shouldn’t have called her that day, and told her what her mother believed?
“Oh Runa, but you are, I promise you are, you’re so beautiful and clever.” She said desperately, the ache swallowed her chest, she sighed hard and continued:
“I’m sorry I told you about my mom, you have enough people pushing you down.” She said softly, Runa looked back at her with a sad smile. Though the sight of it made her stomach flutter, it felt bittersweet. She responded softly back to her:
“No I’m glad you told me. And it’s okay, it’s always been this way. I can tell by how I’m looked at and treated. I don’t care what they think anymore.” That her view of herself hadn’t been altered by her endless compliments or kisses made her chest ache. The fact that it hadn’t made her actually believe her, somehow made anger grow in her. Runa thought she herself was the exception? Some lucky break separated from everyone else’s opinions? Her brown eyes lowered in gentle sadness, as she blinked she whispered:
“I have always known what I am. That I’m ugly and dumb and wrong.” Her chest tightened with heavier sadness, potently and densely it vibrated against her spine. A light pressure rose behind her eyes, she got so angry at them for making her feel that way. For making it hard for her mind to be swayed by the truth. Runa’s gaze softened and looked up at her. She spoke softly but Sofie’s mind already burned with fury.
“But then with you I..” She pressed Runa’s face together with her hands, and burst out with desperation:
“But you’re not! Stop talking as if you are!” She raised her voice higher than intended. Runa’s eyes opened wide, she grinned stiffly and paused. Instantly regret filled her like a flood.

“Sorry.” Runa responded quietly. Sofie lifted her arms and wrapped her in a tight hug. She sighed hard against the back of her head. Felt shame rise as her anger fell.
“God, sorry for yelling.” She whispered in tight words. Runa moved her over herself and embraced her back. Sofie laid on top and felt Runa’s soft hands stroke up and down her naked back. She closed her eyes and sighed against her neck. Felt the tears coming as the wide softness of her body and touch soothed her regret.
“You’re allowed to be mad at me. It’s fine.” Runa responded, Sofie shook her head as she shut her eyes firmly, said in lingering tension:
“I don’t want to yell and be angry. You’ve had enough of that, it won’t happen again.” Runa started chuckling vividly, in a bright wide laughter, Sofie lifted her head up and looked at her in surprise. Runa’s eyes were bright and wonderful, her laugh was quick; but her smile lingered. Why was that funny to her? Did she expect to be yelled at by her? Sofie’s eyes watered in the pressure. Runa lifted her hand from her back and stroked her bangs to the side behind her ear. She must have noticed Sofie’s incoming tears and grew more serious. Though she still smiled weakly, and started speaking so tenderly her spine quivered:
“Sofie hey, I don’t want you to hold back on me. Don’t you do that everywhere else?” She asked earnestly with genuine worry. Sofie looked into herself, paused amidst her sweet strokes. A pit sank in her stomach. Did she? At home and at school, how much did she conceal? Having it said to her face made it so real, so sad. Gently she felt her face tightening, and her chest contracting in a silent sob. Her chest hurt deep inside her ribcage.
“I guess so.” She said in a somber tone, observed Runa’s smile fade completely. Slowly she sat up a bit, more of their chests showed. She looked down at their breasts being pushed together, blushed for just a moment despite the ache.
“Just because I’ve been mistreated doesn’t mean your feelings don't count, so be angry if that’s what you feel. I want us to get through stuff together, but we can’t do that if you hold back.” Runa said softly, Sofie sobbed properly and frowned. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
“But I don’t wanna hurt you, what if I upset you? I never want to.. accidentally trigger something.” She responded as her voice shook, she looked to the side. Felt so shameful, after everything she had been through today. All her tears and insecurity, she failed at being the gentleness she most needed. She couldn’t give her the perfection she deserved. Now the fury rose because of herself. Her moody gloomy impulsive self. Tears gathered in her eyes, and her face tightened with despair. Her chest ached and hurt for her, for poor Runa being yelled at continuously from the moment she could remember, she was sure, up until this moment with her.

Runa grabbed her back, sat up higher and dragged Sofie along with her. She hugged her tightly with her big strong arms, Sofie spread her thighs on her lap. Her strength and soft skin were comforting. The covers folded behind her back and exposed it. She pressed her face against her shoulder, her lower lip trembled. How was she going to live with it, however it befell her to hurt her by accident, yell at her or trigger her? Sofie’s chest spiked with potent sorrow, she sobbed in whispers against her.
“Sofie heey, it’s okay.” Runa told her softly, stroked her back more firmly. Sofie paused, shut her eyes hard, decided to follow her advice. Expelled it out her mouth like a child.
“No it’s not!” She yelled back.
“There you go, come on, tell me.” Runa said quickly in a forcibly aggressive tone, though joy sprinkled over her tone. Sofie leaned back and faced her, her hands trembled and she hesitated for a few seconds. Runa lifted her hand and held her cheek, nodded for her to go on so sweetly. Didn’t seem phased at all by it. Sofie frowned her brows in anger, sighed while it rose. How could she say such a thing, after everything she’s been through? How could she accept anything less? Sofie didn’t want to be a half assed and hollow consolation prize. She wanted to be a force of good in her presence.
“It’s not okay!? I never want to make you feel bad. You deserve better than that, you deserve to be happy!” She yelled, sighed a hard steep breath, catching the anger as it faded, continued more calmly:
“How am I supposed to hold your heart, if I could hurt it?” She didn’t mean for it to come out so poetic, tears made her vision blur. Runa’s face grew sad and serious, her broad soft hand stroked the hair behind her ear. She took it with such grace and stride, it started physically hurting. She really was the best damn person she had ever met. The sobs emerged from her breaths yet again.
“You’ve been through so much pain and suffering. So many have hurt you, in yelling at you, I do it too. That’s not okay.” She said sullenly amidst gentle sobs and tears, but the fury at herself rose again.
“I won’t do it again, I’m sorry.” She whimpered timidly while sobbing in gasps. Runa’s grip around her tightened hard, pressed them together so firmly it calmed her sobs a bit. Her legs lifted to both her sides, and bent her knees against her. She felt surrounded by her, in her cries it was comforting. Her warm skin was soft against her wet cheek and trembling body.
“Oh Sofie, no, don’t say that.” Runa said softly. Sofie’s frustration fell out of her quickly and she relaxed against her. And she sniffled and hugged her back, wiped her tears against her neck. Hugged her back with her hands and shins. Despite it all, it was calming to feel her soft skin. To be beneath her was divine, even when it hurt inside her. Runa was so sweet with her, every moment was indeed precious.
“You can’t be perfect, I don’t want you to be.” She said tenderly, Sofie leaned back and faced her, wiped her nose with her fingers. Runa gazed at her so sweetly, her brown eyes of deep orange glimmered with soft glee, as if the act of witnessing her cry was somehow moving.
“Are you sure?” She whispered back, Runa looked at her with tenderness and care, smiled at her and nodded slowly.
“I actually feel good about myself when we’re together, so don’t you worry about that.” She replied softly. Sofie giggled and sniffled, moved her hand away from her back and stroked her cheek up close.
“You promise?” She asked softly, Runa nodded eagerly, leaned against her hand and tightened her brows while smiling. Seemingly enjoying every second, the sight of her gave her stomach flutters, and her chest warmth.
“It’s not your job to regulate me. I don’t wanna put that on you.” She said with her eyes closed, her long black lashes faced down. Then she opened them slowly, the deep brown in her eyes glittered with tears, the softness of her gaze was spinemelting. Runa continued so tenderly in a soft voice:
“I just want you here with me, and I want you to express your feelings and to just be yourself. I think I can handle having my feelings hurt, as long as you don’t mean to hurt them.” She widened her eyes and relaxed her expression, somehow looking more gleeful, Sofie grinned with her teeth.
“I want that for you too.” She whispered in awe, Runa chuckled and smiled wider, her softly edged teeth showed in white. In her grin her dark upper lip thickened.
“It’s not that I don’t want you to be good to me, I want to be good to you too. But you should still express how you feel.” She continued, still so eager and gleeful, yet tender in her speech. Sofie grinned while she spoke, she felt her sadness dull by Runa’s grace and warmth. She started feeling shameful instead, indeed she should’ve known better. Of course Runa wanted her to be honest, she was such an expressive person. In a vivid wave of gushing awe she realized, if she couldn’t be perfect, had to just be herself, who even was she anymore? What kind of person would show itself to the warm light that was Runa? It was hard to know, the tension of it gripped her spine and held her chest in her breath. In an instant she felt broken again, falling back from the warmth, becoming the person she was before.

Runa continued speaking.
“I want to know the real you, so don’t hold back, let me see your anger. You can’t be happy if you don’t feel free to express yourself. And you deserve to be happy too.” She added lastly so very tenderly. Sofie looked at her soft eyes, her wide grin. Quickly her broken self moved back, and the new being in her arms drew closer. Like a moth to a flame she flew back to the warm light. Not running desperately in her dreams anymore, but simply feeling her already so close. Every moment together she felt it, the potency of her warmth and caring.

Somehow she was so wise, it was spine chilling. She’s right, Sofie blinked, of course she’s emotionally intelligent. Why was that a surprise? Of course someone who expresses themself freely could be emotionally mature. She frowned and pouted, made herself childish and unserious. Somehow that felt right, it was strangely freeing. Was she herself emotionally immature? It was hardly surprising, she had been repressing herself for so long. At school, at home, ever since she was thirteen she now acknowledged. Especially when summer began. Even while numb, the little she felt she so rarely showed anyone. Runa she had gathered, never held anything back. Mirroring her honesty felt effortless, the childish persona erupted in her chest so genuinely, it had to possess some version of herself she reckoned. Someone once lost, drawn to the heat and light of Runa’s blessed being.
“You make it look so easy.” Sofie said and crossed her arms away from her embrace. If she was imperfect and premature, then so be it. She could be an emotionally repressed and immature anxiety riddled teenage girl, who knew nothing about herself. It seemed Runa would like her still, and maybe she’d be far more flexible with her own anger as well? A pressure she had within herself lessened in the child dancing around her head, playing pretend in laughter and safety. Runa had already brought it out of her, when joking and tickling her. Somehow she was mature enough to bring it out of her yet again, now with her wisdom and caring instead. She was indeed a gift of a lifetime. Runa grinned and tilted her head with warm amused eyes.
“Are you being silly now, hm?” She asked playfully. Sofie nodded and grinned back at her, Runa lifted her big arms around her and started chuckling happily. Sofie got pushed against her cheek so suddenly, but it was most welcoming.
“Good, just do whatever feels right.” She said so gleefully. Sofie forced herself to frown and pout, and responded in a childish voice:
“Stop saying you’re dumb and ugly.” She sighed and looked down at her lips, continued:
“‘cause I disagree and don’t want you to talk that way about yourself.” She felt Runa start pecking her left cheek repeatedly and firmly, Sofie started giggling despite attempting to be cranky.
“Okay, I’ll try to stop, anything for you, cutie.” Runa responded eagerly. Sofie felt her cheeks prickle warmly, turned to her and stuck her tongue out.
“I’m not that cute.” She teased, Runa smiled widely and laughed with vigor, clearly remembering when she said on Monday.
“Yes you are, you’re so cute when you’re silly. You’re such a silly Sofiiee!” She responded theatrically, it made Sofie laugh properly. Again Runa became so eager and playful, making her childish persona feel more natural. She pressed her face against Sofie’s cheek again, her fingers started tickling her ribs swiftly. It made her laugh harder and louder, Runa grabbed hold of her back with her other arm, and turned her carefully around in the bed. She landed on her back with Runa on top, Sofie closed her eyes and laughed so hard her stomach cramped. She struggled to breathe. The duvet folded behind her back, again they were nearly naked. Runa seemed so comfortable already, it was a joy to witness.
“And you’re a laughy Sofie too!” Runa yelled enthusiastically, she leaned down and pecked her cheek again. While acting so giddy her kisses moved harder and quicker. Sofie giggled as her torso and cheeks heated up, her belly tightened to the point of tiering her out. She wrapped her arms around Runa’s shoulders and yelled:
“Noooo!” She laughed hard, yelled again:
“Stooop!” Runa stopped immediately, Sofie panted swiftly as her stomach hurt, she grinned and opened her eyes. Tears trickled from them.
“Oh my god.” She said out of breath. Observed Runa’s wide smile, high brows and excited gaze. The softness remained in her energetic expression. She seemed so amused she could make her laugh that easily, but Sofie wasn’t surprised anymore. 

While she still panted hard, she pushed Runa to herself and laid down beside her. She lifted her arm and stroked her muscular bicep, Runa moved her other arm behind her back and hugged her close. They sighed and rubbed their cheeks together while calming down completely. Eventually Runa moved back and faced her, still with tender eyes. Her irises were still so deeply brown, tempting her with the notion of her amber.
“Okay maybe you’re none of those. You’re just you.” She said gently, Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks, still gentle sadness fell upon her idyllic mind.
“I don’t think I know who I am anymore, actually.” She responded melancholically, Runa pressed her face against her jaw and neck, sighed somberly and asked so sweetly:
“That’s okay, me neither. Maybe we’ll find out together?” Sofie embraced her hard, pulled at the covers while still smiling. The idea of finding out with her made her excited for it. She was so sweet and kind, her chest hurt a little.
“Thank you for that.” She responded and moved the duvet completely over them, and closed her eyes. It was so warm against her, her skin was still so soft and comforting, she couldn’t get enough of it.
“You’re welcome.” Runa whispered softly. How did she know exactly what to say? Exactly what she needed? She finally realized, this is what emotional intelligence looked like, felt like. As if her own feelings exited her like tones, and Runa knew just what to sing to give it harmony, to change the tune without her noticing it happening. She was astonishingly wise, way more so than herself, without a doubt. How on earth had she thrived enough in all this misery to become like this? Was goodness and understanding ingrained in her despite all that suffering? Like the potency of her spirit had managed to save itself deep within her, in slumber until she could freely express it. She felt it too, in some way a new part of her ignited in her arms. A person that cared, that caressed and sobbed for only her. She wanted to do it all, be everything to her, do anything for her, all to make it okay. To justify the privilege that was happening right here, that had been happening between them these past few days. How she managed to deserve such grace and softness was beyond her, but she embraced it wholeheartedly. There was nothing else to do, when witnessing the splendor of her gentle spirit  first hand.

Sofie still laid over her, against her wide soft body and brown skin. She pressed her cheek against Runa’s neck and collarbone, listened to her heartbeat and breath. The first sapien she knew, had a heart like hers, and brown skin like hers. The first love to ever blossom, she wondered, must have felt like this. No wonder religions spoke of love, of divine warmth and light. It was all right here, between them. A feeling stretching back to the very beginning, chaining them to the past, while it slowly blossomed between them here in the present. By each moment shared, the flower unfolded to the sun that was their affection. Already it was apparent to her; that it would become so very beautiful.
“Runa, you really are amazing.” She said softly, containing the vast wonder within herself. She felt her sigh lightly through her chest, while pushed against her.
“So are you.” She responded gently. Sofie grinned with hot cheeks.
“It’s like you know just what to say, to bring out the best in me. How are you doing that?” She asked further and blushed, being this near her still felt thrilling. Runa started stroking her shoulder with her fingertips.
“I don’t know, I just say what feels right.” She replied so casually, it surprised her. Sofie smiled and looked up, did she even realize what she was doing?
“Come on now, how do you do it?” She asked again, hoping for a better answer. It couldn’t truly be divine, despite feeling like it. Runa paused against her neck.
“Just now?” She asked so casually, still her touch was so comforting. She was just a person, a wonderful beautiful person, stroking her shoulder and neck with her fingertips. Making her hot spine quiver, giving her stomach trembling sensations. Sofie grinned and nodded with prickling cheeks, snuggled against her neck and sighed deeply. Runa moved another hand between her shoulder blades, and stroked it down tenderly to her lower back.
“Shit okay, let me think.” She replied and giggled, but paused again. While Sofie waited she lifted her hand up to her neck against the pillow, and stroked it with all the tenderness in her heart. Her other hand found her arm holding over her body, and started caressing it too. Somehow she wanted to stroke her inner being, like she felt they had done during their coupling. Her warmth and softness was irresistible. She hoped the constant caresses weren’t too distracting.

“At first when I came here: I exploded with anger and outbursts to drive them away, so it’d hurt less when I eventually had to leave. I broke down in tears once when I realized they wanted me to stay. But after; I completely shut down. I think I was afraid to do anything that would change their minds, but I was so obviously miserable. So my parents coordinated with my recently acquired psychologist, they helped me realize what was going on. They said I needed to let myself feel, so I could learn and express my emotional needs, that only then could they be met.” She eventually replied. Sofie listened with big eyes, her parents were amazing. She began to wonder when a personality starts when one is traumatized that early. Olai’s personality showed even before he could talk, she knew when she looked back on it. But his needs were met, he was safe and cared for. The thought of cute little baby Runa being miserable made her heart break. She gathered herself, listened on.
“So eventually I managed to let it all out, it felt horrible but it was nice too. I was fourteen by then. After, I relaxed, and whoever I was started showing. That’s at least what Marion and Harrald said.” Runa continued. Sofie held her tightly by the end. Her strokes faded into her firm grip.
“So I just; never held back after that. I kinda saw that in you, I don’t want you to be miserable hiding yourself, not when with me.” Runa ended it with, Sofie sighed and smiled. Though she had help from probably the best damn parents in the world, and an actual psychologist; she sure went further than she ever had herself, and at fourteen at that. She wondered if that was what it was like, having a shrink, and whispered:
“Wow.” She was sure whatever she herself subconsciously needed, Runa gave it. The thought of her never feeling safe enough to express herself until she was a teenager, made her want to cry for just a moment. She wished to shout to her how damn beautiful her expressiveness was, that she cherished it, and felt liberated by it. As if it’d make up for the years she didn’t feel safe. How could she even begin to reach so deeply as to caress her trauma, when it was that deep inside her? She wanted to know her too, to know everything about her. How could she figure out what she needs to begin with? Was she even half as emotionally mature to figure that out now, at age sixteen? 

Amidst her relentless questions, she felt the fear too. How would it feel to let it all out, what would be left after? Maybe she felt herself to be so bland because she truly didn’t know herself? Or maybe, just maybe; who she was slumbered behind the being evolving in pain? If Runa’s personality could slumber before emerging from such a terrible childhood, could her own after just one horrible event?
“How did you figure out what you needed after you felt everything?” She asked further again, she almost felt annoying for asking so much. But Runa lifted her head and smiled with focused eyes. The sight of her face was thrilling. She blushed, tried to focus while Runa replied so calmly:
“Well my psychologist said; what I needed was usually because of something I lacked while growing up. Like...” She said eagerly, looked to the side and giggled to herself. Sofie lifted her hand and stroked her cheek, she was so breathtaking.
“Up until I was fifteen I wanted to be doted on by my parents, like a child. Not carried or anything too drastic, but you know; hugged and praised and stuff. They did it too, they were committed. Of course I wanted it because I needed to feel loved, and I never felt it when I was a kid. Eventually I had enough, I felt different after that, calmer.” She said softly, it made Sofie grin and blush. The smile on her face was so endearing, she was so adorable her stomach fluttered.
“God, your parents are awesome.” Sofie whispered, she was so impressed by them. Runa looked at her and nodded.
“Yes they are. Before they got me, they took classes in child development and stuff, to know what to do.” She responded, Sofie giggled, pressed her face together with her hands.
“Oh I bet they did, only the best for you.” She commented amused.
“So that’s what you need? To be doted on?” She asked further, Runa grinned and looked down.
“Well, no I think..” She answered swiftly.
“‘Cause I’ll happily do it.” Sofie interrupted quickly, Runa chuckled adorably, and leaned her face against one of her hands.
“You’re so cute.” She responded and kissed her fingers gently while staring down at her warmly. The sight of her joy and pout amidst gentle pecks was exhilarating. Sofie’s entire body heated up even more. She was tempted to lean in and kiss her, even felt like doing everything they had done earlier all over again. 

But then Runa stopped and continued softly:
“I think the reason I shut down, and eventually needed my parents to dote on me, was because.. I needed to know for sure that they actually cared about me, and wanted me around them.” She frowned her brows so adorably while speaking, deep in thought. Sofie stroked her soft cheek gently while blushing.
“That makes sense.” She commented, Runa looked down to the side, clearly searching for something. Her face was so expressive, interpreting her was such a relief. It felt like she didn’t even have to try.
“My psychologist said it had something to do with.. having an insecure attachment. That like..” She spoke further, before gazing back at her again with wide eyes.
“Okay so there’s this window to get a secure attachment, you know.. from your parents.” Sofie grinned as her spine beamed, despite this undoubtedly becoming sad eventually: That creative girl appeared. The one making lines in math, or creating analogies for; the nature or nurture of the development of morality. She was enamored by it, and felt that sense of wonder rise again. Though she remembered reading about this in that psychology book, but she had only skimmed over the parts about the psycho-development of early childhood. She wanted to pretend she knew nothing about any of this. 

So she moved her hand from her cheek to the hairs close to her ear, and caressed them gently.
“Is that so?” She asked back while feeling their skins pressing together, while stroking her and watching her with fondness. Runa grinned and responded:
“Yes, and well..” She seemed excited to tell her something she didn’t already know.
“If in that window, which is from age zero to four, I think. If the secure attachment to a parent hasn’t happened, that window is closed forever. And the child will forever have an insecure attachment, to everyone they will ever know.” Sofie stared as Runa’s gaze lowered and her brows tightened slightly with sadness. She moved both her hands against her cheeks again and stroked them firmly, while asking:
“And that’s what happened to you?” Runa nodded and sighed, before looking up at her again. The depth of her brown eyes were vivid. coloring her sullen expression so beautifully.
“Oh Runa..” She continued and moved her hands back to her neck, and laid down over her, pressing their cheeks together. Runa cleared her throat.
“So I will always be without a secure attachment, and will constantly need to be reminded that I’m cared for. Being bullied doesn’t exactly help.” She spoke, by every word her tone grew low and timid. There it was, the sad reality emerging from her cleverness. She felt a heaviness fall deep in her chest, indeed the tragedy wasn’t just that she always felt that way. But that the damage was done, and nothing could ever replace it. What a heartbreaking notion, of poor little Runa never attaching to her own mother? Of never laughing and cuddling and joking with her, like Olai had done with all of them? How was it possible to not want to be sweet to a child that small, from aged zero to four? Oh my god. Her face tightened in an incoming sob, vast sadness broke out her throat and face. As she felt her tears pressing out, she lifted her head and started pecking her cheek firmly and repeatedly. Runa grinned so sweetly below her. Sofie paused and whimpered, Runa gazed at her with wide sullen eyes.
“Sad I know, sorry.” She said quickly and wrapped her strong arms around her shoulders, and pressed her close. Sofie sobbed quietly, while her mind scrambled with something to say, something to do to make up for it all. Now she knew she couldn’t. The best she could muster while feeling the pressure of this tragedy, was to bathe her with what she had already given her. To tell her every time she liked her, treasured her, wanted her. She sniffled and cleared her throat, leaned back and opened her eyes. Tears ran down her cheeks, Runa’s soft hand moved back and caressed one of them. Her eyes were hesitant but reassuring, as if she herself was the one in need of comfort.
“That’s okay.” Sofie said to her gently, before sighing and gripping both her cheeks. She leaned in and pecked her slowly on her cute soft lips, before she moved back and sniffled some more. She gazed at her sad but tender expression. Her vivid brown eyes and skin, and her black lashes and adorable short curls, as well as her soft nose and lips framed by a strong jaw and cheekbones. Somehow that baby emerged in her features, that child pictured on the wall in the staircase. She longed to make sure that charred little child inside knew she was valued, and dearly wanted.
“I’ll just have to remind you then, again and again.” She continued, Runa leaned her face back below her and laughed vividly, as if what she said was somehow humorous. She frowned her brows in response and watched her in silence. But then Runa said with such glee, warmth burst in her chest:
“As if you haven’t already!” It made her sigh with relief, that heaviness rose while still in her arms.
“You like me so much, I can finally just breathe.” Runa added, she understood that feeling. How her mind finally relaxed in her presence, finally being free she could let herself go and just be. Runa felt that way about her already? A part of her had worried she was too intense, too clingy with her, enough to drive her away. But it seemed to be exactly what she needed somehow, what stroke of luck that was. Knowing she had impulsively given her that sense of relief in return, added pressure behind her eyes once more. Her face contorted above her while she grinned, and her spine beamed with joy and ache, while her cheeks prickled hot. She stroked her cheeks still with both hands, and whimpered:
“I feel the same.” Runa smirked below her and quickly turned her around, pressed her lips to her cheek and murmured:
“I know, you already told me.” Before pressing their lips together gently. While moving her arms around her head and shoulders, Sofie gladly kissed her back. In the friction her lips prickled softly. Within her torso heat burst and trembled her stomach and spine. She groaned happily, so quickly her tears faded, and bliss burst anew. 

Tenderly her wet lips released, she sighed slowly and gazed warmly down at her. The brown in her eyes had a hint of that amber, seeing her calm and happy felt even more moving now. Still she looked up at her lingering so close to her face, and admired the look and feel of her against herself. Runa grinned so sweetly and asked:
“So, do you know what you need?” Sofie felt her body tingling, she started chuckling nervously. It was a good question, knowing Runa gave it to her wasn’t enough, it seemed.
“Me? Oh well..” She responded first, before sighing and looking inwards. What was it she was giving indeed? Saturday came to mind, of herself calling her after having a panic attack. While only having felt her handshake, the mere sound of her voice had calmed her fear. ‘Nobody did anything to you did they?’ She had asked, seeming so worried. ‘I wouldn't let anything happen to you.’ She had reassured her, confirming she was willing to protect her. How safe she had felt, despite her not being present. Maybe that was it? How the tenderness in her warm eyes were enough to melt her, even when being this naked, even when she was above her. Her strength was tender, just like her beautiful face. Her softness encompassed by strong features showed; that she was the embodiment of a mellow and kind protector. Runa stroked her cheek with hers while waiting, all while still pressed over her. She groaned happily, her chest mushed by the sound of it, she was so adorable.
“I think I need to feel safe, and seen.” She answered eventually, Runa leaned back and faced her again. She grinned with her teeth, her white smile with softly edged teeth showed. Still her eyes were warm enough to coax flutters of her stomach. Quickly her smile relaxed to a close one, her slightly darker lips stretched into a proud expression.
“And I actually make you feel that way?” She asked further, Sofie was happy to reassure her, and whatever doubts she had about herself. She nodded, moved her arms back from her soft shoulders and gripped both her cheeks.
“Yes, from only hearing your voice through the phone, or just the idea of you helps me feel safer, even at school.” She answered properly, as tenderly as she could. Runa’s slim black brows tightened in an intensely happy expression. Her brown eyes shimmered with incoming tears.
“Really?” She whispered in wonder, Sofie nodded back with prickling cheeks.
“Mhm, and being with you, feeling you like this, god Runa I’ve never felt safer in my whole life.” She added enthusiastically, Runa’s pretty dark face contorted and she gasped in a sob. Making her cry with happiness yet again warmed her chest with light. She giggled back and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, just when tears trickled down them.
“Awe, come here.” She whispered to her before leaning down. She pecked her salty cheeks while Runa chuckled and sobbed, all while pressing her hands down between her own back, and the sheets. She pressed her closer, as their skins rubbed the softness widened. Sofie lifted her knees and gripped her lower body with her chins. She moved her hands back to her nape and caressed the soft curls in her neck, Runa calmed and sniffled against her cheek. Sofie grinned and whispered further into her ear:
“And seen too, I don’t even know how you do it but, from the first time you looked at me, somehow.. you saw me.” Runa giggled against her and sniffled.
“I just felt bad for yelling at you, clearly making your terrible day worse.” She commented before lifting her head. Their eyes met once again, still her brows curled in an intensely blissful expression.
“Yes, your eyes were so soft with compassion. Now I see so much more than that.” Sofie added softly, Runa relaxed and raised her brows.
“Well now I adore you.” Runa commented hurriedly, it made bliss burst in her chest once more, with cheeks hot with static she started laughing. She hugged her close while still stroking her nape, and pecked her firmly. Runa groaned and chuckled along with her, pecked her repeatedly. She felt her spine tremble and her heartrate rise.
“Mmmh I adore you too.” She murmured against her lips, Runa released, still only the bedside lamp lit her dark face up.
“And well, I don’t feel actually seen very often, at least before I met you again.” Sofie continued, Runa relaxed her brows and frowned her lips at her.
“Don’t you feel seen by your family?” She asked more carefully, Sofie pressed her lips together and shook her head. She knew now just how empty and alone she had felt at home, not all the time, but often. Especially when she compared it to how she felt right now.
“Olai is eight, so he sees me as his big sister, which I am. But, he thinks I can do anything, and knows everything. But there’s so much he doesn’t know, or can’t understand about me, yet.” She answered quickly, Runa nodded carefully, leaned down and laid herself a bit to the side. Her cheek pressed on the pillow right beside her, Sofie moved her head to the side and faced her. Runa released her hand from behind her back, and moved it up to her cheek and ear. She started pulling her wide fingers through her hair, the gesture prickled her cheeks and fluttered her stomach. Still warmth resided in her chest and spine.
“I get that, but what about your parents?” Runa asked further, still in a careful and slightly somber tone. Sofie moved her arm around her upper back and sighed. She looked to the side for a bit, of course her mother didn’t see her, but Runa knew that.
“Mom doesn’t, of course. I know she used to think I was smart, innocent, and kind. Or maybe that was just something she told me, to encourage me. But now?” She said further, before pausing and looking down. Her brows tightened on her face, as a chill rose from her spine. That judgemental look, how she somehow blamed her for that terrible day. Perhaps viewing her as some sort of pseudo woman, with her innocent child existing on the inside. Maybe she was seen as a victim, or broken, or even unaware of what her own body made others feel? She knew she looked like her biological father, maybe that’s what she saw?

Runa stared back solemnly, awaiting her answer while stroking her hair gently. She was so sweet to care, to listen and comfort her. Whatever her mother saw, it sure wasn’t what looked back at her.
“It’s hard to say, but whatever it is, I know she doesn’t see me completely, simply because she doesn’t know who I am anymore. My anxiety, or my sexuality, and whatever else, none of them do, not really.” She finally answered, Runa nodded slowly, their gazes met again. She pulled her wide soft hand back, and stroked her cheek softly.
“I thought you said your dad was easy to talk to. Surely he sees you?” She wondered so sweetly, seemed to wish for things to be different for her as well. Sofie grinned back and tilted her head a bit, answered a bit more humorously:
“Well maybe he does a bit, I know he sees me as capable and strong. But when he said it, he also compared me to my Mom. And I don’t know what to think about that.” Runa grinned warmly, and said rather smugly:
“Maybe you don’t know your mom, just like your brother doesn’t know you?” Though she was probably right, the notion of not knowing her own mother was oddly chilling. How could it be worse than it already was?
“I’m sure you’re right.” She responded while chuckling, attempted to laugh the chill in her spine off as something trivial. Runa grinned sweetly with gently frowning brows, seemed to see right through her.
“I think that’s pretty normal. I mean, even if I met my parents way before being a teenager, I’d still have to ask them about their lives, you know?” She commented so sweetly and stroked her cheek, Sofie couldn’t help but smile with warm cheeks. Still Runa’s apparent wisdom gave her wonder. She realized one of the reasons she felt so seen by her, was that she listened so openly. So she leaned a bit closer to her, and pressed their lips gently together. While stroking her soft short hair, their lips rubbed delightfully, spit gathered between them. Her spine and belly trembled again, making her sigh deeply. After a handful of seconds she released, amd murmured against her lips:
“And then there’s you.” She added softly, Runa grinned with her teeth and chuckled just a bit, nodded and sighed deeply.
“Yup, here I am.” She responded, her eyes relaxed in warmth. Sofie leaned in quickly and pecked her a few times, making her giggle just a bit more. Now she knew, every time she reminded her she was liked, which she assumed also included kissing; that she calmed something inside her. That she mellowed that insecure attachment somewhat. Sofie leaned back and stared at her, she stroked her hair still and observed her enjoying it. Though her smile faded and her gaze grew more serious. Still she was so beautiful, she couldn’t help but grin back at her.
“But didn’t you ever feel seen before me?” Runa asked further, and gently rubbed her nose against her own. The gesture mushed her warm chest, she bit her lower lip and looked down.
“Yes actually, I feel seen when I sing. Though not many gets to hear it.” She responded softly before gazing up at her again. Runa grinned widely with excited eyes.
“Oh really? Why is that?” She asked so quickly, clearly so curious. It wasn’t hard to imagine her endlessly asking her parents questions about themselves. She moved her face straight and looked up at the ceiling, quickly she felt Runa press her nose against her cheek.
“It’s just something I’ve always been able to do, no matter what I’ve been through. It’s nice to be good at something too.” She answered and smiled, Runa nodded against her cheek, the feel of her nose in motion gave her warmth and flutters. She looked to the side and touched her nosetip with her own.
“And well, when I sing, how I look, or how I feel about myself; it doesn’t matter. That’s nice too.” Runa grinned so beautifully, while stroking her cheek and ear tenderly.
“Oh I bet it is.” She said with gentle glee. Then she started leaning her shoulders over her, pressed her lips against her cheek and murmured happily to her:
“Can you sing me a song?” Sofie nodded and bit her lower lip, looked to the side.
“Yeah, .. sure.” She answered hesitantly, feeling nervous about it already, but it would be nice too.
“I get a new song at every singing class. I haven’t practiced much, I can sing that?” She replied. Runa smiled widely, said:
“I’ve heard you hum a bit, you have a beautiful voice.” Sofie grinned, gripped her shoulders and moved her completely over herself. She leaned up and in on her face, let her desire get the better of her, and opened her mouth. She stuck her tongue inside gently. Runa relaxed and laid down against her body again, stroked her shoulders softly with her broad hands. Her entire spine shone, and her heart rate increased. She was so amazing, so surprising. So beautiful. Maybe her kisses could stroke just a fraction of her soul? She lifted her arms around her head and moved her tongue back. Though her desire lingered, her compassion reigned higher. She made her movements soft and wide, hard and sincere. Spit smeared between their closed lips, they were so soft and warm. Both sighed against one another. She felt tears pressing behind her eyes, a part of her still wanted to heal her. The fact that she couldn’t made her so sad, she stroked around her shoulders and neck. Her spine shivered so hard, while her stomach shook and fluttered by the touch of her lips. Runa kissed her back so tenderly her breath shook with happiness. 

Eventually she leaned back with soft eyes and smiled, looked at her with admiration. The hairs stood on her arms, she expected nothing, projected nothing, she simply looked down at her with warmth and tenderness. She was so beautiful, inside and out. God how she wanted to caress all her pain away in an instant. How she wished to exist in her eyes and nobody else’s. It really was a gift to be seen by her, to get to look inside her mind, and to feel her against herself. She had craved her for months, but she could never have dreamt of it being this wonderful. She teared up, Runa must have noticed. She lifted her broad hand and moved some of her bangs out of the way, said smugly:
“You know, I’ll bet your singing voice is gonna be my third favorite sound.” Sofie blushed hard and grinned:
“Oh yeah? Have you finally decided on your first and second favorite?” Runa grinned and chuckled, the sight and sound of her shook her spine and mushed her chest.
“Oh I’ve decided alright. First it’s your laugh.” She smiled softly and looked to the side, continued shyly for once:
“And then it’s your.. moan.” Her response made Sofie laugh with embarrassment, she pressed her face against her cheek and blushed even harder.
“Now I’ll get to hear you sing for real.” Runa whispered softly, clearly still teasing her. Sofie’s spine shivered hard, she sighed and pressed her closer.
“Ever the charmer.” She commented softly, Runa chuckled.
“I can’t wait to hear it in full.” She said amused, Sofie gasped.
“Hold on, I need the note sheet.” She responded hurriedly with nervous glee.

She quickly moved Runa off herself and stood up from the soft warm bed. Ran nearly naked over to her backpack on the floor and sat down on her knees. She knew Runa probably looked at her, the notion made her blush and smile. Though she knew Runa would find her to be beautiful, she felt freer in her eyes. For three years now she had covered herself. Yet here she sat, so naked and happy in her gaze, reaching into her backpack, feeling so comfortable. Being understood by someone, even after just a few days of knowing them, did wonders for her. Runa was never just anybody, especially now. It still surprised her though. 

She found the paper, pulled it out and quickly stood up. She saw Runa had moved vertically in the bed, and laid on her belly. She leaned her head on her arms folded in front of her, and stared at her lovingly. Sofie grinned, felt a strong blush prickle in her cheeks. Her stomach fluttered hard, Runa’s soft gaze made her spine shiver just a little bit. She was so beautiful. Runa wished to know all of her, even her anger and sadness. Maybe one day soon, she would be able to handle hearing about the worst of it?

Sofie ran over to her and jumped on her. She heard Runa moan in surprise. She turned around beneath her upper body and grabbed her, tickled her while she lifted her up and rolled her around on her back. Sofie’s spine shivered again, she laughed hard and pushed the piece of paper against her face.
“Aaa Runaa! Do you want me to sing or not!?” She yelled. Runa let go of her and sighed, looked up and gave in.
“Yeah right, sorry.” She said amused. They sat up against each other, wrapped their arms and legs over pne another. Sofie rested her chin on Runa’s shoulder,  lifted the piece of paper while Runa pressed against her chest. She leaned her head against her ear and seemed to ready herself for Sofie’s song. She looked at the notes on the paper, remembered she had heard it on the radio. The tones swirled in her head. She cleared her throat, sang in a rising and sinking tone to warm up:
“Mamama mimimi momomo, are you ready Runaa?” Runa sighed and nodded against her, Sofie blushed and grinned, said:
“Okay, here I go.” Then she started singing.

“I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over.” She heard Runa sigh again, before pressing her closer. Sofie grinned, felt somewhat embarrassed still.
“I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I’m older. This mountain I must climb, feels like a world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds I see love shine. Keeps me warm as life grows colder.” She closed her eyes for a moment, imagined the higher notes. They came so easy to her, knowing Runa listened made the song so special.
“In my life, there’s been heartache and pain. I don’t know if I can face it again. Can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far.” She felt Runa rub her face against her shoulder so cutely, she grinned and closed her eyes. Her entire face heated up, she smiled widely and continued:
“To change this lonely life.”
She paused, sighed, felt her heart beat a bit faster. Runa’s soft chest pressed against hers. She felt herself tear up, held it down so it wouldn’t seep into her voice. The highest tones were next, she made sure to feel her vibrato at the ready.
“I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me.” She reached them perfectly, Runa sighed against her again, she smiled and sang further:
“I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me.”

Chapter Text

During dinner Sofie had looked at her as if to ask her if she was ready, but she shook her head. Marion had kept asking her questions, they had talked about nature and other things she had never heard of. So she had felt herself sinking slowly. 

Marion had mentioned in the livingroom how cold it was getting, Harrald sat down in front of the woodstove, started the process of lighting a fire inside it. Sofie it seemed had gravitated towards it holding her hand, she looked at Runa with large eyes and a wide smile.
“Can we sit in front of the fire for a bit?” She asked so excitedly, her adorable face made her cheeks prickle. She had nodded and let herself be dragged along, Once Harrald got the fire going and closed the woodstove, Sofie sat down on her knees and stared at it slowly spreading beneath two logs of wood. Runa sat down behind her, placed her legs on either side of her and stroked her shoulder. She looked over at her parents who stared down at her from the sofa, smiling at them. Runa barred her eyes open at them, they looked away and turned on the TV, the news was on. Sofie sat down on her rear and crossed her legs, leaned her back against her before she sighed happily. Runa felt her stomach flutter and her spine beam, the fire in front of them burned hot, warmed up her face so comfortably she started smiling. She lifted her arm, moved all of Sofie’s long wavy hair from one side to the other, and pressed her nose and lips against it. She then put both her hands around her and held at her tummy, and stroked it gently over her dark blue tanktop. The moment she got here it seemed, whatever large baggy garment she had worn at school that day came right off. She must be quite comfortable around her and her parents. The notion warmed her spine up more. Sofie leaned her head back, lifted her skinny hand and pressed it on the opposite cheek of herself, while she groaned happily in a whisper. In return she couldn’t help but stroke her face against her neck while blushing. It was thin, pale and elegant, just like the rest of her. She was so soft, warm and sweet smelling, it made her stomach flutter again. She smiled, but then her innards fell into themselves again.

Slowly like a light drawing nearer, images of the impending uncomfortable conversation played out. She considered doing it tomorrow just so Sofie didn’t get to hear all the details, and so she didn’t have to hold her while sobbing yet another time. But then she remembered and sighed hard, right , tomorrow.

From now on she reckoned, Thursdays would be the worst. She’d be lucky if she got to see her in the morning, timing it perfectly was difficult. Sofie didn’t have much time between her bus arriving and first class starting half past eight. Runa frowned her brows still with her face against her neck, and lost her focus in the fire for a bit. It burned in such a warm color, flaming and swaying so calmly like a living thing. 

“I think it’s ingrained in us to be drawn to fire.” Sofie said quietly, stroked her cheek again. It felt correct, she nodded against her skin and sighed.
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” She replied. Sofie’s voice was so deep and soft, like a beautiful tone constantly lingered in her throat. It ached in her chest, tomorrow she’d miss her so much. But Sofie was going straight home after school, she’ll eat at home with her family, then she’ll go to her singing lesson in the early evening. They’d meet up after her own boxing practice. Maybe they’d dare to kiss at that bus stop, for just a few minutes tops, before Harrald would arrive to pick her up. She sighed hard once more, and felt it spike in her chest. It wouldn’t be nearly enough. Another schoolday like this, and not much comfort to receive after. Just like before they met, her eyes opened wide while looking at the flames. Though it was just for one day, on Friday she assumed they’d hang out again. Everything really had changed. She felt Sofie move her head to the side, she started kissing her right cheek gently before whispering into her ear:
“You okay?” A soft bolt made her spine shiver, she smiled for a moment before relaxing her face in mellow sadness again.
“Yeah I just.. don’t want the rest of today to end.” Sofie sighed and kissed her cheek again, before she lifted her other hand and picked gently at the curls behind it.
“Oh Runa.” She whispered sullenly back. “Me neither.” Runa moved her head to the side, and faced her pretty blue eyes looking at her with compassion, the tips of their noses met. Runa sighed hard again.
“I’m gonna miss you so much tomorrow, I’ll barely get to see you.” Sofie moved both her soft hands on her cheeks and stroked them with her thumbs.
“Maybe I can stay behind at school for a while? There are other buses, I just have to be home by dinner.” She whispered back further, her suggestion was heartwarming. They had looked over each other’s class schedule before dinner. Except on Wednesdays when Sofie’s day ended a quarter before her own, theirs matched surprisingly well. Unfortunately that also meant Thursdays were long for them both, ending not long before three o’clock. Buses drove slower too. As well as stopping at every stop, Sofie needed extra time to get home in time. 

She was so sweet and kind, Runa stared at her in awe yet again. It kept dawning on her again and again as if she forgot, just how much she cared. She lifted her bulky hand from her belly, stroked her bangs behind her ear, before resting it on her upper throat and lower jaw beneath her ear.
“Can you? Maybe we can hide somewhere and kiss?” She whispered while looking down at her full beautiful lips, her stomach fluttered again. She felt her cheeks warming up by the fire, and her ever deepening crush on her, Sofie grinned and looked down, tilted her head with a pink blush.
“Kiss, hug, talk. Whatever you need, beautiful.” She whispered in a smug tone, Runa leaned her head back and chuckled just a bit too loudly. Her cheeks burned hot along with her spine. She understood why Sofie liked being called that so much, every time she heard it, it ignited her soul with bliss. Sofie grinned sweetly back at her, and moved her hand back and stroked the curls in her neck, making her lean closer to her again. She sighed softly in her breath and continued, still in a gentle whisper:
“I’ll look at the bus table in the library, and we can always hide in that bathroom again.” Runa grinned widely while the tips of their noses touched, even if it was for only ten or so minutes it’d make such a difference. She nodded eagerly as a response to her brilliant suggestion, stroking her cheek firmly with her left hand.
“You’d really stay in that horrible place for me?” She asked ironically just a bit louder, Sofie lifted her brows and nodded while looking down at her mouth.
“I’d stay anywhere with you.” She whispered softly. Runa sighed gently with a hot breath, and leaned in slowly. The moment their lips met she felt her spine tremble with heat, she gasped silently and moved her own lips back against hers, under and over and against them she did it so carefully and soundlessly. Her cheeks burned hot now, both by the fire outside, and within. 

She leaned back, bit her lower lip and looked over at her parents sitting on the sofa. Marion seemed focused on the TV, but Harrald looked down at her for just a moment and lifted his brows amused. She tightened her face, feeling embarrassed she turned around to Sofie again, and said fast:
“We should go upstairs.” Sofie giggled wonderfully with her rolling laughter, made her insides mush and melt. Then she nodded eagerly, still with pink cheeks and stood up. Runa got up beside her, gave one final glance at her parents before grabbing Sofie’s hand. They both smiled at her, though it was nice they were happy for them, it still made her cringe a little. 

They ran up the stairs hand in hand, when they reached the top Sofie kissed her cheek and said in a sigh:
“We should do our homework, before we forget.” Runa pulled her close and groaned.
“Noo, let’s forget.” She commented and kissed her cheek back repeatedly. Sofie giggled with her sweet rolling laughter and stroked her shoulderblades widely with her hands.
“No Runaa, we gotta. My grades have been slipping lately, let’s just do it together.” She responded so sweetly, holding her closer just enough to make her stomach flutter. Runa grinned and sighed again, and enjoyed the touch of their cheeks while nodding. Sofie leaned back and faced her, still her wondrous blue eyes were a sight to behold. Gripping her heart with warmth the moment their gazes met. Quickly Sofie smiled so beautifully and leaned in, she pecked her lips, making her spine beam and shake.
“Come on.” She whispered after and released, gripped her hand with her smaller one and pulled her carefully into the bedroom. Still she felt her body reacting to her touch, and knew  she’d go anywhere with her as well, just to feel her hand, or see her stunning face.

They placed their backpacks by the desk, still a smaller slimmer chair was placed beside her own. They sat down on them, while Runa pulled out her Geography homework she sighed deeply once more, the high of her touch was fading already. And a heavy uneasiness slowly creeped up to take its place. She frowned and opened the book to the decided page, and started reading about the names of places in countries she’d never travel to. Useless information only meant to teach her the discipline of actually making an effort. This was the easiest one, she just had to read about five pages, with added pictures. And answer some ten or so questions about what she had read in a notebook. So quickly her gaze wandered to look beside her, to Sofie leaning over her math homework, writing quickly with a steady hand. Slowly she leaned back with her full lips frowning so cutely, clearly counting something in her head. Without realizing it she was staring, and quickly lifted her hand. The moment her fingers touched Sofie’s pale cheek her eyes shifted into softness, before meeting her gaze. Her white grin showed instantly, and she lifted her free hand up to push her hand away, but instead she pressed it against herself and chuckled ever so sweetly. Still her pale hand was small and elegant, the sight of her smile and eyes shook her spine and stomach yet again.
“Runaa, how am I supposed to concentrate when you’re so cute?” She complained amused, Runa giggled calmly back at her.
“Oh, so you want me to be less cute?” She asked back rather unseriously, Sofie shook her head and leaned forwards, pressed their lips together quickly. They rubbed together gently for a few seconds, vibrating her spine with heat anew. While still having their nosetips touch Sofie pulled back, and whispered gently:
“If we hold back now and finish this, you’ll get me all you want sooner.” Her words were sweeter than her tone somehow, Runa felt herself blushing as she nodded and pulled back.
“Right, yes, I’ll try.” She said back louder and looked down, leaned her elbow on the desk and read through the chapter. Resisting to look at her, while taking in the meaning of every word proved tiresome for her poor dull mind. Every sixth or so sentence she fell off, and started reading it again. Slowly she neared the last page, and glanced over at Sofie just once. She bent over her homework again, her pencil moving swiftly while her long wavy hair covered her side profile enough to be hidden. Runa sighed deeply, that tense feeling crept up again. Sofie was so efficient compared to herself, even if she herself had made up a system to compensate for her deficits, Sofie clearly was way brighter than her. She opened the notebook and started writing clunkily with objectively ugly handwriting. It was almost pathetic in comparison, somehow her mind flooded with the realization so clearly. Her brilliant mind is like a sun, and mine is a puny flame, flickering for dear life just to stay lit. Shame and despair struck her so brightly, despite it she went back on the page to read the parts she had already forgotten. Indeed, nobody expected much of her, she had almost gotten used to it. Reading something to learn it had never been efficient for her. It was better to listen, she had figured out. Though that was difficult too, in a different way. Already she felt her sorry excuse of a mind hurting in a blossoming headache. And she hadn’t even started on her math homework yet, fuck.

-

Sofie had finished hers just as quickly as yesterday, she had some other similar type of homework in the subject of History, while Runa finally started on her math homework. Again she sighed deeply in frustration and annoyance as her shame persisted. For once she tried not to crisscross the lines in the margins, to do it the right way from the start. It was slow and nearly torturous, at least when she was alone she wouldn’t know just how stupid she actually was. The moment she felt herself tear up, she pulled back and lifted her hands, and rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. That’s when she felt a somewhat cold little hand stroking behind her neck, and she opened them to look at her. Sofie seemed to be done with all of hers, and grinned sweetly with gently sorrowful eyes.
“Do you want some help?” She asked carefully, the mere notion of it burned her chest with both gentle joy and sharp aching shame. She lowered her hands and looked to the side, and shook her head with tight brows.
“I can do it if I just try hard enough, I just..” She replied hurriedly before sighing quickly and deeply. Sofie moved her hand forward and stroked her cheek tenderly.
“So quickly I feel my idiot brain tiring, and seeing you do it all so easily reminds me yet again just how..” As she spoke the despair grew, already she had forgotten herself. Now she remembered she had promised to stop doing that. The tears pressed out as she lowered her head and frowned with her lips.
“.. sorry.” She whispered, the next second Sofie moved her hand from her right cheek to her left, turned her head to meet her own. Her soft lips pecked her lips and cheek firmly and fast, the gesture quickly made her grin with warm cheeks. Her other hand, slim and soft as ever, gripped her right cheek. Sofie cupped her jaw and withdrew, faced her still with sad eyes and said:
“Just because you struggle, doesn’t mean you’re dumb.” Her tone was low yet gentle in a comforting sort of way. Runa lifted her brows while staring at her, still feeling the touch of her soft hands.
“Doesn’t it? If I was smart, it wouldn’t be such an issue.” She quickly responded. Sofie lowered her gaze in a relaxed and sorrowful expression, clearly taking in yet again how she thought about herself with despair.
“Oh Runa. If only you could know what I can see in you, then maybe you’d stop doubting how amazing you are.” She said tenderly, Runa frowned and looked to the side. She got angry at herself again, for getting emotional over something so little. As a tear trickled down her cheek she huffed quietly. It was as if she herself kept forgetting again and again, sooner or later Sofie would surely get tired of repeating herself. Why couldn’t their complete unity, even just for a moment, permanently alter her mind for the better? The moment her own shortcomings became apparent again, it all came rushing back. The spiral bent her mind away from the little confidence Sofie had instilled in her. And now she had to do it again, to speak to her as if she was a child in need of constant comfort. Was it pathetic? The notion brought shame despite her words stopping the spiral. Sofie shone her blue flame straight in yet again, and added away from her line of sight:
“It’s unfair to you to compare yourself to me, when I don’t have any of your struggles, like your ADHD for example; draining me.” She tilted her head beside her, and met her eyes again. Gently she lifted her thumb and stroked her single tear away with a gentle smile. How did she know that all of that was even true? Had she read up about ADHD? Or was she just that smart and reasonable? Runa nodded in shameful silence, and sighed before meeting her eyes fully again. 

Somehow she still felt inferior, being graced with such kindness and solid reasoning was above her. As if everything she felt about herself was so silly, even childish. But she knew that wasn’t Sofie’s intention. Taking in her words after the fact, it made sense she used her own energy up, just to concentrate continuously. Though she had never thought of it that way before. Up until now she had only felt that hers was a weak mind to begin with, and struggling to concentrate worsened it. Now it was easier to admit to herself what actually made sense, after being told so bluntly what Sofie seemed to observe. How she even did that, she didn’t know. Trying to think about what it would feel like objectively, to watch her struggle with the simplest things, felt bearable. Still, the emotion she imagined instead, was pity. Knowing she probably pitied her wasn’t the worst thing in the world, though it still made her a little sad.

“Right, sure. Though it’s hard to shake off, you know?” She finally responded, Sofie nodded and leaned in, pecked her quickly just once, before saying:
“Yeah I know, and I get it, it’s okay.” After, she gently sat up still holding her cheeks, Runa gazed up at her while pressing her chin against her belly. Still only in her tanktop, she lifted her hands and caressed her hair, grinned down at her and spoke softly:
“Come, let’s take a break, hm?” Her long wavy hair tickled Runa’s shoulders and arms. She nodded and stood up, Sofie’s slim hands let go of her head and grabbed her hand, pulled her towards the bed still with a soft smile and tender eyes. 

They sat down on the duvet, now made neatly over more than half of her bed. Her arms quickly pulled her into a hug, and pushed her head down into her soft cleavage. Runa grinned and embraced her around her back. They laid down, Sofie kissed her forehead and stroked her nape and hair with care, making her groan and sigh atop her.
“In this bed there is no math, or homework, you don’t have to do anything.” Sofie whispered within soft breaths, so easily heard from inside her chest. Amidst her soothing heartbeats, Runa grinned and closed her eyes. Still slim fingers caressed the curls in her neck, she sighed deeply and slowly. The bass in her voice flowed from within as she spoke further:
“You don’t think you’re weak just because you gotta sleep at night, right?” Her tone was playful and gentle, Runa shook her head slowly against her upper chest. The soft friction from their skins meeting gave her spine shivers. She grinned and moved slowly up, and pressed her face against her neck. The stress vanished like smoke in the wind, and that mellow warmth rose in its stead. Trembling her spine and belly, amidst a heartbeat slowly raising in tempo, bliss slowly brewed inside her.
“Of course not, and your brain needs rest too. It’s just an organ, a part of your body, and it’s tired now, so try to let it go.” Sofie continued so sweetly, before lowering one of her hands down her back. She pulled up the tanktop and put her hand inside, and started stroking her bare back up and down. The remaining hand massaged her nape firmly, it felt so good she groaned again. She made an effort to not think, to let images and words flow before fading. Focusing instead on the soothing motions against her body. The muscles in her neck and shoulders finally relaxed above her, and she sighed deeply.
“There we go.” Sofie whispered rather happily, as if to encourage her. She felt a light burst inside her chest, in the silence it felt vast and deep all at once. Trembling bliss blew gently against the veil, and a realization became apparent. Amidst the void calming her, whisps from her soul sounded from the deep. This is what it’s like, when someone cares, when someone wants me. The places always tightening and hurting let go in her arms once again, like the warm wave rushing and relaxing her when finally deciding not to hold back anymore. It came again so easily, washing her with liquid flame, igniting her deep into her soul with safety and calm. This is what I need. 

A pressure emerged behind her eyes again, she grinned and frowned her brows. The bliss burst in her chest so vividly, and time paused in her embrace. It ached in the wake of her kindness, no wonder Sofie had cried when she said she just wanted her to be herself. No wonder she had gazed at her like she was holy in some way, giving her a presence without judgement, when it felt this good. She really didn’t have to do anything? Her own body had unfolded in front of her, to her, now the innermost parts caught up with it. This was what it’d be like, to be with her. This peace and serenity easing her into a warmth far greater than she knew existed even just a week ago. Somehow she had known just by hearing the sincerity of her voice, that this was for real. In her arms she had mellowed, and now she reached into those parts, not by unfolding to her. But melting above her, in calmness and softness it happened without her doing anything. Unintentionally her chest started shaking in quiet emerging sobs. Her neck and shoulders tightened again, Sofie gasped in a whisper and stopped stroking her.
“Oh no, are you sad?” She asked carefully, Runa shook her head and grinned, sniffled and lifted it up. Their eyes met, she smiled with her teeth while gazing into her big blue eyes incased by pale lashes. Still the sobs forced out her windpipe, but she smiled through it and said:
“No I’m happy, ‘cause you’re so..” She closed her eyes and sobbed harder, but continued: “..good to me-hee.” Sofie giggled and pressed at her shoulder, while she sobbed Sofie turned them around and gripped her head.
“Ohh Runa, you’re so precious.” She said happily and leaned in, kissed her now wet cheek.
“And kind.” She released and kissed her nose. “And clever.” Quickly she pecked her other cheek. “And beautiful.” Runa broke out in laughter as Sofie kissed her jaw and continued:
“And soft.” She gripped around her shoulders and pressed her close, opened her eyes and gazed at her press their lips together. They rubbed in wet spit and tender movements, beaming her already glowing chest with trembling warmth. Sofie released and whispered:
“Mmmh and sweet.” Before she pressed both hands on her cheeks and squeezed gently. She pouted playfully at her and continued:
“And you’re just the mooost adorable hominid gracing me with your presence, the most sublimeeee homo sapieeen to ever walk this eeeeearth!” Her eyes were wide and playful. Somehow she managed to melt the wondrously doting tones with something vaguely scientific. Turning it humorous and charming enough, to make her laugh loudly against her lips.
“Well well, aren’t you good at being doting?” She asked ironically, quickly Sofie bent her head back and laughed loudly, before leaning in again while nodding.
“Mmhmm, I can see it’s helping. You’re such a soft girl.” She added playfully, Runa bit her lower lip in her smile, and nearly growled as she pushed her to the side and bent over her. Sofie screamed and laughed, especially when she pulled up her tanktop from the front of her pants, and tickled her soft bare skin.
“Oh I’ll show you who’s a soft girl.” She responded loudly, Sofie screamed and laughed with pink cheeks and closed her eyes. It went on for quite a while, setting her spine on fire with the most beautiful sound in the world. She looked so intensely happy, it gave her bliss. 

Eventually Sofie gasped and shouted:
“Stop god, stop!” Runa removed her hand from her rips while she heaved beneath her, her pale forehead even glistened a bit. Her cheeks were so red, it almost seemed like they had been lost to passion again. Runa blushed and smiled, lifted her hand to her cheek and stroked it carefully. Gently she leaned over her and moved her thumb down to her elegant chin. Sofie smiled so beautifully while watching her intently, still her chest glowed with bliss and glee. Her entire torso felt warm and soft, all the way in Sofie’s sweet nature and potent joy had eased all the tension so seamlessly. The notion warmed her heart so much, she really was that good, that caring towards her. Still she was amazed.
“You’re just so..” She whispered to her impulsively, before pausing in awe. It was hard to find a way to express such ever deepening bliss and affection. Despite everything they had said to each other, her feelings kept growing past their words. Keeping up in this moment felt useless. The best she could think of to do, was to lean in on her open mouth, and kiss her.

First she pressed their lips together carefully, caressing them with wide movements. The passion erupted in her spine and chest, aching for more potent bliss. Quickly with a trembling spine she opened her mouth and stuck her tongue inside. Sofie closed her eyes and groaned happily, while embracing her head with her hands. Just like that first deep kiss on the bathroom floor, the wetness stuck deep, tickling her tongue in wide and rapid movements. Setting her mind and body ablaze in tingling sensations. Gently her gasps for air calmed and turned slower, her grip lowered to her shoulderblades, stroking them gently. Runa tilted her head to the side, and upped the pace just to hear her breaths shake in louder gasps. Every movement conjured lightning between her vertebrae, she gasped back to her and felt her groin re-awaken its little heartbeat.Time stopped in the tenderness, giving her aching chest bliss and her eyes slight pressure. She let go of her chin and slowly moved her arm down the side of her torso, Sofie groaned and spread her legs below her. Runa quickly gripped the left side of her rear and pressed their torsos together. Gently they started moving against one another, in an automatic symbiotic movement. A part of her wanted to give her something, just to make her feel even better. Perhaps the anticipation could be higher? She remembered Sofie’s excited expression when she mentioned working out the day before, and got an idea. 

So she leaned back from her wet mouth, Sofie gasped and opened her eyes, seemed desperate for more. She swallowed and whispered amongst gently heaving breaths:
“Mmmh don’t stop.” Her sweet words and tender tone trembled her spine, fluttering her belly with flickering light. She couldn't help but giggle, feeling desired was another gift given to her. Now she knew just what to give back.
“I was thinking..” She answered her, removed her hand from her rear and lifted it up to her cheek. She stroked the reddest parts gently with her fingertips and observed her smile with glossy lips.
“Maybe I could show you the work-out equipment in the basement?” Runa continued, Sofie’s bright blue eyes grew wide with excitement. She gasped in a wide smile and said:
“Oh my god, yes.” So quickly her joyous reaction made her laugh with glee, she sat up and pulled Sofie along with her.
“That’s such a good idea, because..” Sofie said and giggled along with her. She gripped her cheeks and looked down at her mouth.
“I don’t know anything about fitness, so you’ll teach me something new, that’ll make you feel smart for sure.” She started blabbering so adorably.
“And and, I wanna know everything , since it’s something you like and value, as well!” She added excitedly, still with bright pink cheeks. Runa chuckled gently and pressed their lips together just once, before stroking her cheek and saying:
“You’re so cute, but I just think you’re gonna like watching me.” She raised her brows and smirked smugly at her, Sofie’s blush turned crimson as she started laughing forcefully, tickling her spine by the sound of it.
“Oh yes, that too!” She said loudly back the moment it stopped, they giggled gently together before Runa let go of her and crawled out of bed. Sofie stood up beside her and looked down at her desk.
“I’ll finish it later, I promise.” She said and grabbed Sofie’s little hand, though it didn’t seem that she cared much about that anymore. She nodded and sighed deeply with a wide grin, seeing all those wonderful emotions on her pretty face, felt divine to witness. She couldn’t wait to see all the rest of it yet again, down in that basement.

*

Runa’s homework slipped her mind so quickly, while feeling her deep wet kiss. Already her groin was beating gently, she could feel it dripping as Runa pecked her lips before pulling her hooded sweater over her head.
“It’s pretty cold down there.” She said so tenderly, Sofie giggled and put her arms into it and pulled it over her stomach and back herself. Runa picked up her own and put it on. Sofie moved her hand up and stroked the fabric of her upper chest and sighed.
“You’re gonna take it off eventually though, right?” She just had to ask with prickling cheeks. Runa chuckled amused and nodded, before she leaned in on her lips again.
“Well, of course I am, cutie.” They rubbed gently together for a few seconds, trembling her spine already. Runa released and grabbed her hand firmly, pulled her along with her as she opened the bedroom door. Before she knew it they ran down the stairs, the bliss was so bright inside her, she started giggling excitedly. Already she knew this was going to be wonderful. 

They paused beside the door leading down to the basement, or so she assumed. Runa let go of her hand and pecked her warm cheek, before opening the door. Already cold air blew in her face like a cloud, she frowned looking down a set of steep winding stairs. The room was dark and nearly frightening. Runa pressed a lightswitch beside the doorframe, and a comforting yellow light lit the staircase up. She felt her arms trembling and lifted her hands, gripped at herself while sighing. Runa slowly moved her strong arms around her, and pulled her into a firm embrace.
“You weren’t kidding.” Sofie commented, Runa chuckled and whispered in her ear:
“I’ll just show it to you quickly, and we can go right on up again.” Sofie nodded and grinned, still her cheeks prickled warmly despite everything. Runa let go of her and turned around, walked in first.
“Now be careful, the steps are steep.” She commanded softly, Sofie gripped both her shoulders from behind and responded:
“Okay.” Slowly they stepped down rather quietly, though the steps creaked beneath their socks. She made sure to pay close attention to her feet, though the back of Runa’s curly hair and dark nape was quite distracting.

When Runa stepped off the last step, she quickly turned around and gripped her, still standing in the staircase. She lifted her up so effortlessly and smiled so beautifully, it was impossible not to giggle as bliss still burst in her chest. Quickly she was let down, and she looked around. The room was about as big as Runa’s bedroom, clad in plain wooden walls and floors. On the wall facing her was a white washing machine, shelves with laundry detergent and other washing supplies, a deep metal sink and faucet. Along with a white drying rack standing on the floor, filled to the brim with seemingly dry clothes. Looking back, the wall beside her had shelves for garden tools and closed boxes, and a white box freezer humming carefully. It was easy to compare such a space to the ones in her own home, white and clean and organized. This household was clearly less fortunate, yet somehow it was accidentally charming. Not everything had to be spick and spam, smooth and pretty. It felt more authentic somehow, she couldn't help but grin despite the cool air around her.

“Come.” Runa said softly and pressed her hand on her lower back, the touch gave her spine a soft warm shiver. Quickly she was led to another door, Runa gently pushed her in first before turning on the light. This room was different, and slightly warmer. Though the walls were similar, the floor had white tiles instead. As if this was supposed to be some sort of bathroom, but instead it was the long awaited fitness room. Against the wall to her side was a wooden bench, looking more like an oblong box for storage. Beside it on the floor was a plain black CD player, with a small CD folder laying beside it. Curled together nearly touching it, was a white jumping rope all tied up, with yellow plastic handles. Against the wall to her left were the work-out equipment, she gazed at them not really knowing what it was for. One stood on the floor against the wall with two handles connected by a horizontal bar, making it look a bit like an: H. The next was a simple rod mounted on the wall with two handles, reaching just over her head, she reckoned. And the last one looked a bit like a chair, but with a round black weight fastened to the backside, and a rod with a round pillow padding it, right where the shins would be while seated. Beside it bigger and smaller round weights stood huddled together, all in black. On the wall facing her, where the CD player stood, was a small narrow window.
“Oh wow, I have no idea what I’m looking at.” She commented amused, Runa chuckled and stroked her shoulder, quickly she pointed at the handles standing on the floor and said:
“That’s called a dip station.” Before pointing at the bar mounted to the wall beside it.
“And that’s a pull up bar.” Then she nodded to the last one, looking like an otherworldly chair of sorts, and said lastly:
“And that thing is called a leg extraction machine.” Sofie turned towards her with warmth in her chest.
“Really rolls off the tongue, that last one.” Runa chuckled and pressed her lips against her cheek, she pecked it gently making them prickle warmly, before saying amused:
“I know right?” She parted from her face and gripped her hand, smiled so beautifully with knowing eyes. She seemed to anticipate some sort of reaction out of her eventually, not an incorrect notion, she herself already knew.
“I figured I could just show you.” Runa added so smugly, let go of her hand and bent down. She grabbed the jumping rope and untangled it swiftly with fast hand movements. There was clearly a method to the tanglement, those string hands of hers parted the handles and stepped a bit more away from her.
“First I jump rope to warm up.” She said and quickly started swinging the rope in front of herself. It happened so quickly the rope blurred as she jumped at a standstill, barely raising from the ground. Like an automatic movement, she didn’t even look down to make sure she did it correctly. Sofie gasped and smiled, observed her feet, before glancing up at her body, meeting her joyful eyes. Muscle memory really was a marble to behold, happening too quickly to catch every movement, it looked effortless.
“Oh wow, you’re so good at that.” She commented gleefully, Runa nodded and smiled, stopped, the rope limped between her hands laying halfway on the white tiles.
“Do you want to try?” She asked amused, and quickly lifted one of the handles around her, and pulled her close with the rope now pressing on her lower back. Now up in her face, inside her gentle embrace, she quickly started giggling again. Her spine beamed still, while her cheeks prickled like hot static.
“No I’m fine, I’m kinda excited to get started.” She answered while lifting her arms over her shoulders and pressing her close in return. Their nosetips touched in the silence, Runa grinned with warm amused eyes, and looked down at her mouth. That vivid amber teased her within the brown of her irises, while her black lashes faced down she could see her gaze softening even more.
“Of course you are.” She whispered back, before their lips met again. Quickly in the spine-melting friction their mouths opened into wetness and heat. With swift movements their tongues circled deeply, she heard a gentle dunk and felt Runa stroke her open palms against her back, having let go of the rope. She pressed Runa closer while embracing her head and groaned, her groin beat and dripped so quickly. Their breaths mingled steeply, before Runa leaned back and let go once more, leaving her to linger in the vacuum of her own lust.

She bit her lower lip and grinned excitedly when Runa grabbed her hand, and pulled her towards the leg extension machine. She let go and sat down, watched her with focus as she put her shins below the rod with a pillow covering it.
“Now this..” Runa said and sighed deeply, as if she felt eager and had to catch her breath as well. Sofie stood quietly and watched her, couldn’t help but grin with her teeth as her cheeks burned hotter.
“.. is for the legs, like this.” Runa finally continued and lifted the padded rod with both her chins in unison. She did it rather quickly, though it clearly took some effort. Runa’s brows frowned and she closed her lips firmly, held her breath until it went down again. And the distinct sound of metal clashing sounded from the weight behind her. Sofie lowered her head and bent her back a bit, thought back on her strong legs glistening that late summer’s day. Remembering how firm yet soft her thighs felt to the touch, she sighed deeply still with cheeks hot like static. Her breath expanded with warmth.
“I see, and how much is that?” She asked gently, still her excitement shook through her voice as it trembled slightly.
“Like.. fifteen kilograms? But the legs are usually quite strong from beforehand.” Runa answered and grinned, lifted the rod and pillow up over her thighs, bending the mechanism effortlessly.
“And I can do it like this as well, though I don’t do it every time.” She added excitedly, and started lifting them too, her face curled with tension yet again. Somehow the look of her expression was both endearing and even slightly arousing. Sofie bent down and touched over the fabric of her pants, right on her chin. Her breath trembled as she said:
“Oh wow, no wonder your legs are so strong.” Runa stopped, had done it a handful of times and grinned. Her warm dark gaze softened again, into focus and tenderness she stared while moving the padding down to her shins again.
“Do you want to try?” Sofie nodded and grinned, her entire face burned hot, while her spine and cest beamed with heat. Runa stepped off quickly, and she herself took her place.
“I can adjust the weight to make it lighter if you wanna...” She added hurriedly, Sofie lifted her hand, reached Runa crouching beside her and stroked her warm cheek.
“No no it’s fine, I want to compare.” She answered softly, Runa lowered her gaze for just a moment, looking down at her shins beneath the padded rod. When she looked up at her again, she giggled.
“Right, okay, so you lift your shins just like I did.” She instructed after, Sofie nodded and looked down at her feet. The moment she started lifting them, she felt the weight pulling her down. While frowning her brows in the added pressure, she gazed over at Runa who watched her carefully and said in a gasp:
“Oh my god.” It made Runa open her mouth and laugh vividly with her white straight teeth. Slowly she lifted her shins up, reaching the top with all her might, before letting go. The moment she did, she heaved for just a few breaths and chuckled along with her. Somehow the pin really dropped in her mind, now that she could compare it to her own. Just how much strength did it take, to show on her relaxed arms and legs? How easily could she actually be protected by her? The mere thought made her vertebrae tremble in heat. 

“You really are strong.” She just had to say, before gripping her cheek again. Her brown skin was smooth to the touch, she stopped laughing as well, and stared back gently. In all that vast strength, she could feel Runa stroking up her upper arm over her sweater. That tenderness still contrasted it, compared to the force she was capable of producing. Like her show of strength wasn’t what she could do, but what she chose not to. Instead she touched her with the gentlest of caresses against her own cheek. Lost in the possibilities she had drawn nearer without realizing, and absentmindedly pressed their lips together softly. She gripped her cheeks firmly, while Runa’s let go of hers, and started pulling her fingers through her hair instead. Down and up, and down again it went tenderly, while warm wet lips pressed together slowly, prickling with tingling heat. Her heartbeat rose inside her warm chest, and she sighed deeply while closing her eyes. Mist sank around her head, making her forget as her spine and belly trembled. Still her groin beat and dripped carefully, just when their tongues met, Runa pulled back quickly, gasping gently against her lips.
“You’re quite impatient, aren’t you?” She teased smugly and grinned, Sofie bit her lower lip while breathing deeply, and looked down. Slowly she nodded with hot static in her cheeks and spine.
“Yeah, sorry.” She answered timidly in her blush, feeling slightly embarrassed. Runa leaned in and pecked her cheek a few times:
“That’s okay, I must be doing something right then.” She responded happily and chuckled so confidently. Sofie gazed up at her and nodded as she grinned, observing her joy with glee as they both got up. Runa gripped her hand as she stepped out of the device, as if helping her. Knowing this brought her such self-confidence was enough to make her thrilled. Seeing it on her face made her chest gently burst with bliss. This was doing something for them both, it seemed. It somehow felt like a gift, getting to see her explain and showing her how all of this worked.
“So you do that leg thing first? And then..?” She asked, trying to encourage her to say more. Runa pulled at her hand and looked back at her, stopping in front of the dip station.
“Well I try to switch it up.” She answered while tilting her head, she let go of her hand and touched one of the handles.
“Sometimes I do the pull up bar first when my hands aren’t sweaty yet.” She added softly, before letting go and pulling her sweater up from her belly. She bent over for a bit while taking it off, Sofie grinned and blushed awaiting what came next. Runa let go of the sweater on the floor, and placed herself between the handles while standing straight. It was just taller than her elbows, she lifted her strong arms and bent them, gripped the handles and said:
“With this one there are no weights, just your own bodyweight.” She turned her head, their eyes locked. Sofie had focused on how her biceps looked, when her arms bent the way they did. How her wide hands gripped the handles firmly, the sight of her shoulders raising sent trembling heat all around her torso. For just a moment, she felt herself dripping again.
“And well..” Runa added, before pausing and grinning smugly, before continuing:
“You’re supposed to distribute your weight, but of course it’s mostly supposed to be like.. symmetrical or whatever.” Sofie nodded slowly while sighing with a hot breath. Finally Runa lifted herself off the floor and the bend of her elbows widened. Her wrists became more prominent in her now much firmer grip, while her biceps bulked out and tightened beneath her brown skin.
“You do it like this.” Runa said with a firm pressure in her voice, Sofie looked back at her shoulders and neck. The muscles around and between her shoulderblades seemed to tighten a bit as well, inside her dark red tanktop. She nodded with a hot beating groin and said:
“Mhm.” Before sighing, slowly losing herself to her impulses she moved forwards again to look at her face. Her expression curled again, while she gazed over at her when she returned to the front, she smiled.
“And then you go like this.” She added still with the weight of herself in her voice, and started moving slowly down and up again. Sofie gazed down at her biceps once more, and opened her mouth slightly agape as her entire face prickled with heat. Her groin and spine buzzed as her arms and hands shook gently in the movement.
“Ooh wow.” She mumbled while watching it carefully, before glancing up to Runa’s amused eyes again. Slowly she grinned and did it some more, seemingly just for her. Sofie gazed down, and lifted her hand as the mist fell again ever so gently. She touched her arm, and felt it shaking and tightening inside the movement. Those wondrous images of Runa being the model human, winning in olympics or being drawn into medical books, re-appeared. The picture of health and strength, vivid with both force and gentleness. The biological machine, controlled by such firm will, while being the maker of safety and kindness. She felt her knees tremble in her euphoria, all while her entire face burned with static. Runa let go and moved towards her, embraced her carefully while chuckling and sighing a bit out of breath.
“Shit Sofie, you really liked that one, huh?” She asked in a whisper while tickling their lips together, Sofie nodded and groaned in her breath, before they met again. A wide whirlwind burst in her chest as their lips rubbed in delicate friction, spreading their spit within motions of such delight; her knees trembled. She gripped around Runa’s chest and upper back, while she in return gripped her lower one, and stroked it firmly. Their mouths opened seamlessly, the wetness was wide and deep again. She gasped as her entire mouth prickled delightfully, her groin beat and hummed with echoes of pleasure, all while dripping with her passion. Amidst the cloud falling over her head, emptying her mind to desire ever growing; she grinned. Runa kissed her back vigorously, time closed in on them slowly before she let go yet again.
“Just one more, and then you can kiss me all you want.” She uttered softly and chuckled. Sofie sighed deeply in a shaky breath and nodded.
“O-okay.” She whispered back while letting her go. Runa leaned in on her quickly and pecked her wet lips, before grinning smugly and saying:
“Cutie.” Her eyes were soft and gleeful, knowing how desired she was seemed to help her forget all those pesky insecurities, it seemed. She grinned back to her still with her chest bursting, amidst her growing lust she relished in the knowledge, that she had actually done it. Not just with cuddles and gentle strokes, but making her feel good about herself. It wasn’t as difficult as she had imagined, perhaps this was what Runa felt about her, when she soothed her so effortlessly. That pride spread inside her chest and flesh with buzzing sensations, giving her heartbeats force and purpose. She could do this forever, she acknowledged. Making her smile like that, despite all the lust humming through her body like vibrating water, that was what her heart yearned for. All the way into her bonemarrow, she could feel her essence yearning for her happiness, as well as the feel of her beautiful strong body.

Runa stopped in front of the last item on the menu, about to feast her eyes. The pull up bar was mounted on the wall between the two other exercise machines. For a few moments Runa stood with her back against her, but she quickly turned around to meet her eyes with a sly smile and a knowing gaze. She lifted her brows smugly and said:
“I saved the best for last, it’s pretty simple. I just pull myself up with my arms, raising my chin above the bar, and down again.” Sofie bit her lower lip and smiled with her teeth, still her blush felt warm and bright in her cheeks. Runa turned around again and gripped the bar above her head, she adjusted her hands into a specific grip and paused.
“Like this.” She uttered lastly. Then she gasped and swallowed it, as if holding her breath. As her biceps and lower arms tightened and bent, she became completely quiet. The muscles in her shoulders bellowed out just a bit. That delightful image of the first time she saw her shot straight into her mind like a solar flare. Runa lifted her strong arms above her head, the muscles of her arm and shoulderblades moving, as sweat made her dark skin glisten. It came back tenfold, tightening in her back as she moved all the way up to the bar with her head, before moving down again. Quickly a rhythm started, of her going up and down in a higher tempo. Her entire upper back and arms moving and slightly shaking while her nape and cute curls moved along with it all. Her heart started racing with hot blood, her groin beat harder with gentle pleasure as well. Even her breath turned steep and deep, but was still quiet. As her face boiled and prickled she opened her mouth in awe and watched carefully. She felt her knees tremble yet again, and gripped herself by the hand in frustration. Her undoubtedly engorged vulva dripped still. Oh god, look at her go. For eight glorious times Runa did it, before letting go in a hard breath and turning around.
“I can do that twenty times in a..” She said quickly and proudly, before pausing with wide eyes. Sofie stood completely still, with her trembling knees pressed together. She held her own hands firmly, braiding her fingers together. All while quietly shaking in dense and warm frustration. Still she gaped gently, and suddenly became so aware of how damn into it she must look. So she sighed and let go of her hands, bit her lower lip and looked down to the side.

Runa laughed and groaned endearingly, quickly she lifted her arm and stroked her cheek, making her raise her gaze again to meet her eyes. She grinned with her teeth and stared with amused and gentle eyes, the amber gleamed in the brown of her irises. Her upper lip folded in her smile and became thicker, her little giggle expanded for a few more seconds. Though she didn’t feel mocked, embarrassment struck her. But then Runa said ever so tenderly:
“Aawe, heey, it’s okay.” She uttered firstly, before she sighed deeply, her eyelids relaxed into the softest gaze possible. Though they glimmered knowingly with expectation, still the focus lingered, keeping her own body still amidst the anticipation.
“Come here, beautiful.” Runa added in a wide shaky tone, as if she too longed for her taste and touch. Like a river gushing through her the shyness faded, and a flood of her desire and bliss filled her up to the brim. She gasped hard in a firm breath, before drowning in the pressure of her heart’s desire. The fog befell her mind in the deep flood, shaking her knees and trembling through her breath, belly and spine. Making her vertebrae vibrate with bright boiling water. It rose up through her breath and heart, and shivered against her brainstem as she moved forwards and gripped Runa’s head. As they met vigorously she felt her mind flare in the fog, when acknowledging that now it finally began.

Their tongues tumbled hurriedly in spit and heat, while their lips met and rubbed around them. They gasped hard into each other’s mouths, she felt Runa’s hands stroke down her back while pressing their chests together. She herself heaved sharply while caressing her cheeks, and tilting her head to feel their tongues twist, making her spine beam and shake. For a few moments she felt her hands rub her rear, before lowering below them and gripping her thighs. Before she knew it she was lifted up so effortlessly, and she let go of her face, bent her arms around her head and gasped in surprise. Runa stepped forwards while still kissing her, and groaned enthusiastically before bending slowly forwards. Sofie tied her ankles together behind her lower back, and they fell slowly to the floor. Her show of strength made her groin beat with blistering heat and lust. Still her mind fogged amidst her impulses, Runa leaned over her and let go of her thighs, stroked her soft hands firmly up inside the back of her sweater, touching her skin with wide movements. She gasped and let go of her back with her legs, spread them below her and gasped, their lips pressed and smacked, while their tongues still met furiously in eternal wetness. Her entire body beamed and swelled with a hum so strong, every cell in her body vibrated in exploding desire. They heaved and pressed their pelvises together in automatic movements, she let go of her head and moved her arms in, and stroked her fingers through her soft curls enthusiastically. Her heartbeat drummed all the way up into her ears, letting her hear blood gush within her veins. For just a moment she let go of her lips, and groaned desperately to her:
“God Runa, take me already.” And she listened, quickly she removed her hands from her lower back. Sofie opened her eyes when Runa released from her lips, still touching them she heaved still. Sofie grinned as she felt her pants being unbuttoned and zipped down.
“I will.” She whispered against her, Sofie grinned as she felt two fingers reach in, parting her soaked vulva with tingling friction. Runa gasped along with her and whispered against her nose:
“You’re so wet.” Before biting her lower lip and grinning with her teeth. Sofie burst out in embarrassed laughter, feeling her chest and face burn by her words. Gently she felt Runa rub her, giving the wetness firmer heat and tingling. A gentle cloud of pleasure spread in her groin, while the fog lingered still inside her mind. She gasped and closed her eyes as she felt it, and started whimpering back to her:
“Of course I am, you’re breathtaking.” She let go of her cheek and gently moved her hand down to touch her in return, but Runa grinned and quickly lifted her right hand up with her left, and pressed it against her own cheek again. After kissing her palm softly she said while still grinning:
“Oh don’t worry about me, just enjoy this, beautiful.” Sofie felt her cheeks flush harder before chuckling happily, already excited for what awaited her.
“Mmmh.” She groaned happily back to her. “You’re beautiful, inside and out.” 

Quickly Runa’s sweet finger movements resumed to tingle her groin with hot pleasure, making her gape and gasp still up in her face. The cloud spread when Runa leaned down against her mouth completely, and stuck her tongue inside. Still the prickling wetness was arousing enough to make the pleasure rise. As their tongues circled deeply, making her belly and spine tremble warmly, she moaned and gripped the curls in her neck. The bead vibrated within her swift vertical movements, filling rather quickly with delightful lava. Her groin gathered and swirled around it simultaneously, spreading the warmth to her pelvis and heart. Unbelievably quickly she felt the pleasure rise, her blood vibrated all around her body, prickling her fingers and fogging her mind. She released from Runa’s mouth and gaped while leaning her head a bit back, and started moaning in her steep breaths while peeking up at her. Runa watched carefully, with drowsy eyelids and focused irises of dark amber, her expression tightened gently. With curving brows and a gentle smile it was intoxicating to witness being watched this way. A strong sense of safety and tenderness grew within her, deepening her ever growing affection inside her chest cavity. She felt her heartbeat rise as her spine beamed with light and warmth. Runa changed direction with her touch, circling around her clitoris instead. It seemed to be easier with the limited space within her pants and underwear. Somehow she did it perfectly, the bead shook like the force of nature vibrating through her.
“Oh god, Runaaaa!” She moaned sharply while writhing in pleasure below her, still fully clothed. Quickly she felt her left hand stroke inside her sweater and tanktop, below her sportsbra, pinching her right nipple firmly. It beamed on her breast, giving firmer pleasure to her crotch, the bead burst delightfully, making her thighs and belly tighten. She curved her back and moaned louder, while raising her gaze inside her closed eyelids, her fingers tugged at Runa’s hair. Behind the thick fog she heard her moan as well, giving her bliss in the moment of dense pleasure. Her spine glowed, tickling her brainstem. Light lit up her hipbones in delightful pleasure, she gaped and moaned while spasming. Her ankles cramp as it went on further than expected. The light inverted, deeping where the bead had been, turning black in incredible pleasure, sucking her in. The walls inside her vagina tightened, she stretched her legs completely while still below her. Tugging at her hair and hearing her graon, she spasmed as the splat of ink spread in the light. her entire torso beamed and shone, and she screamed:
“Oh goood!”

Without paying much attention to it, she had moved Runa’s hand away. Rising from a much harder orgasm than anticipated, heaving and gasping for air, she couldn’t stop smiling. She was limp below her with aching muscles and a sweaty back and thighs, with a groin soaked inside her underwear and pants. She panted loudly and opened her eyes while grinning, Runa stared down at her in quiet awe. Her wondrous brown eyes were wide and joyous, while she smiled so cutely with her teeth.
“You liked watching me that much, huh?” She teased smugly, making her entire face flush hot. She started giggling as a response, while moving her hands forwards to stroke her soft brown cheeks. In return Runa moved her hand out of her sweater and lifted it up, stroked her bangs to the side before caressing her cheek gently.
“Yes I.. am crazy about you.” Sofie answered timidly as she regained her breath. Runa chuckled sweetly and leaned down just barely touching her lips with hers.
“Oh I’ve noticed.” Then she leaned in, and pressed their wet lips together tenderly, giving her spine warm shivers yet again. It lasted only for a handful of seconds, still when they released she sighed with her hot shaky breath. 

She couldn’t help but giggle at the notion of being so desperate for her, how damn lucky was she, that Runa liked it when she got like that? It could've been overwhelming for her, or she might have found it suffocating. But instead it truly did seem like she enjoyed it.
“I’m crazy about you too.” She responded so adorably, Sofie giggled a bit more before nodding.
“I know.” She answered, before looking around. They were huddled right in the middle of the room. Now that her mind was clear, she realized: They had collapsed together without meaning to, she had moaned and screamed amidst the silence. A terrible thought entered her mind, the embarrassment turned sharp in her chest.
“Oh god, do you think your parents heard me?” She asked and groaned beneath her, Runa broke out in a wide vivid laughter, making her stomach flutter. Runa dried off her right hand on her own tanktop, and quickly cupped her jaw with both hands, as Sofie moved both of her own hands against her face.
“Noo, I’m sure they didn’t, it’s fiine.” She said while chuckling, she didn’t seem entirely convinced in her own statement. Then she moved off her and let her face go. Firmly she gripped around her upper back and shoulders, and helped her sit up before hugging her close. Sofie rested her face and hands against her shoulder and laughed nervously.
“You’re just so hot, I completely lost it.” She complained as she let go of her own face, Runa stroked her back up and down and laughed.
“You’re adorable.” She commented against her ear. Sofie leaned back to face her, and observed her gazing at her with such tenderness, she felt her stomach flutter some more. Runa grinned carefully while lowering her eyes down to her mouth.
“Maybe we should put on some music when we go upstairs?” She asked softly before sighing lightly, seemingly with happiness. The notion kept the warmth going in her torso, especially when Runa rose her gaze again and tilted her head. She lifted her brows smugly at her, Sofie grinned and looked down still with hot cheeks.
“That’s not a bad idea.” She uttered back and lowered her hands from her cheek, stroking her shoulders and pressing their lips together gently.

After a few delightful moments of soft friction, they parted and got up on their feet. Runa grabbed her sweater on the floor and stroked the small of her back, which made her continuous flush burn brighter on her cheeks. Runa turned off the lights after them and let her go first up the steep stairs. After she closed the next door behind them she kissed her cheek and quickly walked into the kitchen beside them. Mumbling something about her thirst, she hurriedly filled up a plastic waterbottle in the kitchen sink. Sofie realized she was quite thirsty as well, they would surely get more thirsty soon. The notion made her grin firmly while waiting for her at the bottom of the next set of stairs. She heard the TV being on in the livingroom, the door leading into it was open as well. If they had heard her, they must pretend not to care. Still embarrassment lingered inside her, but Runa was by her side again quickly, and grabbed her hand with the bottle in her other one. And so they walked up the stairs together.

When they reached the top she turned around, she embraced Runa eagerly and asked:
“Can we stay in the guestroom?” Runa grabbed her waist and pulled their pelvises together, raised her brows amused at her.
“Tired of my bedroom already?” She asked back rather smugly. Sofie’s entire face burned up, she giggled just a little bit and leaned in on her cheek, whispered:
“Well no, but I like this one too.” She felt so flustered, Runa chuckled against her with warm eyes.
“Of course we can, come on.” She answered quickly after and leaned back, grabbing her hand while pushing the guestroom door open, still with the bottle in hand.

The room was still filled to the brim with all kinds of media, a warm and cosy room smelling of paper and dust. They fell together on a narrow bed with the colorful patchwork blanket over the entirety of it. They giggled while Runa threw off the pillows against the wall on the floor, and pecked her before running to the shelves and CD player. With loud blaring music on they laid down on it together, and let their passion take over yet again. She was realizing that never before had she held back on something that felt so good. Whatever tools she had developed for controlling herself amidst misery, meant nothing here. It seemed, Runa was exactly the same. Everything blurred in the tenderness, in the wetness and warmth. Time passed fast and slowly at the same time, drowning her mind with density and pleasure.

*

Runa was on top, moving against her, their bodies glistened and nearly stuck together. On that little guest bed, still atop the patchwork blanket she had kept her eyes open. Staring down at her open mouth, her lips were red and glossy with their spit. Her eyes closed in a passionate expression, with the skin wrinkling between her pale brows. Her face was bright pink, Runa touched her firmly inside her panties, by now her lower lips nearly melted into her fingers with warm fluids, with no friction left only smoothness remained. Sofie moved her head back and gaped, while Runa lingered against her warm heaving mouth. She made sure to have their tongues stroke at the tips. Her spine shivered so hot inside her she felt it tingle with lightning, her stomach prickled consistently, and her groin hummed with glowing pleasure. Sofie touched her too, they moaned into each other’s mouths, though the music hid it all. She felt Sofie start to shake beneath her, Her bright blue eyes relaxed and unfocused, while her fair brows gathered. She gaped and screamed so loudly she could actually hear it a little bit. The sight of it despite Sofie’s fingers slowing down made the bead burst gently in her groin, and she felt her focus fading. The bead burst and spread with gentle tingling, it spurted out hot vapor to her pelvis and made her shake and tighten against her. The moment it ended Sofie turned her around, she nearly fell out of the bed. They giggled exhaustively to each other while she was pulled back in again. 

While still panting Sofie faced her up close with watchful eyes, and started moving her slim fingers against her groin firmly and rapidly. The bead rose from the warm swirls lingering in her crotch, and filled within seconds with hot lava. She gasped amidst the blazing music and stared up at Sofie. Her long wavy hair had fallen around their faces as if hugging her head. Sofie leaned further in with open tender eyes and pink face, and panted against her gaping mouth. Runa moaned behind the music, while her entire spine shot in hard bolts of actual pleasure. She groaned and watched her, in an instant her entire body burned and heaved. Sofie hovered over her mouth while grinning and heaving. She touched her faster, the bead burst in an instant. Runa faced upwards and touched Sofie’s tongue with her thumb, and stroked it gently when her senses fell inwards. Her mind fogged while she concentrated her best to keep looking at her glossy pink tongue. The bursting bead spread like a bomb going off in slow motion, glowing densely against her pelvis and hip joints, making her bones glow as if radioactive. Where the bead had been somehow fell together, and became something bright and dark simultaneously. The pleasure of it surprised her mid orgasm, it made her eyes widen in shock. Unbelievably intense and potent tingling pleasure singed inside it, like the tip of a laser. Her gaze lifted while barely seeing, she felt her brain go off like fireworks. Sharply she screamed and tightened in spasms, her spine shot with lightning straight up to her brainstem and made it prickle gently. Amidst it all, while her sight blurred at the corners and fell backwards, she could still vaguely see Sofie looking at her. Now with her thumb inside her mouth, she seemed to moan gently with heavy desire in her eyes. Her cheeks were brightly crimson, while her spirit shone through her wondrous bright blue irises. Her eyelids were heavy with great focus, though it blurred in the blazing pressure. Runa faded in the deep, as the sharpness vibrated, it ached against her happiness. She embraced the pleasure completely. The black negative at the center of her groin suddenly spread inside her, pushing the pleasure and tightness of her breath and spine to the limit. Her vagina contracted hard, she screamed and closed her eyes, and looked further up behind her eyelids. Everything turned black like gradient static, having her detach completely from her awareness, fading amidst all consuming ecstasy.

She came to still with Sofie over her, while gasping for air as if having drowned, she felt Sofie hold her head and kiss her face repeatedly and hurriedly. Runa smiled and started sobbing by the intensity of it all, and moved her arms around her shoulders and hugged her back. With the music still blazing she observed Sofie crying as well, though not as intensely as herself. They pressed their cheeks together and stroked each other, holding everything still until the sobs stopped.

Sofie had run over to the CD player and turned it off, and laid back down in her arms again, now pressed against her cheek. Their bodies were damp though their breaths had finally calmed down. She found her soft locks while they both laid on their sides, and stroked them behind her head gently. She kissed her softly on her big soft lips, still wet with their saliva. Both still in only their underwear, she felt her groin contract a few times while being absolutely soaked against the fabric. They pressed their moist breasts and bellies together, Sofie held her arm under her own and stroked her back gently up and down. The sensation of her fingertips caressing her so wonderfully helped her relax completely. Their kiss was gentle and spine tingling, Sofie breathed slowly against her, her sweat smelled sweet, adding to her already wonderful scent. She still felt so blissful, the euphoria had sunk into her belly, and radiated calmer with deepening affection for her. In the silence she could hear their lips move and smack, and listened to her breathe while stroking her back and hair. She couldn’t stop staring at her while gently crying, Sofie had her eyes closed still with a curved brow. 

Slowly she opened her eyes, her pale lashes flipped up and her big blue irises stared straight at her. Their lips kept on moving, having her stare back made her feel even closer to her. Observing the movements of her face somehow made her even more beautiful. Watching the rhythm of her head with bliss, the curve of her brows, her lips so soft and well-shaped against her own. With her slim nose hiding just a little against hers, parting her face so near. Though with a gentle gaze, she seemed amused that Runa was staring so intently at her, and started smiling sweetly. Runa moved her hand away from her hair, and stroked her left cheek tenderly. Still her heart beat fast in her chest, that sun burned deep in her breath and belly. She continued to kiss her, staring at the utterly perfect being that she was. Sofie smiled wider with her teeth which made her chest mush together. In her beauty and grace, she was also so adorable. 

“Did you want to say something?” She asked gently, Runa shook her head against her nose and looked down at her mouth. Her cheeks prickled more for a few seconds, and she smiled back at her.
“No, I’m just looking at you.” Sofie moved her hand away from her, and up between them. She lifted it to her face and stroked her cheek, seemed pleased by her statement. Runa leaned in again and pressed their lips together, groaned happily and closed her eyes. Sofie giggled and released, and stroked her cheek more firmly.
“So, are you feeling better about tomorrow?” She asked smugly, Runa leaned her lips on her cheek and giggled, nodded and moved back to brush against her lips.
“Oh yes, I’m gonna think about you all day long, I’m sure.” She responded, she felt her cheeks prickle while she sighed in with a hard hot breath.
“Especially your tongue.” She added playfully right back at her. Sofie leaned back while pressing her slim small hand firmly by her ear, and laughed widely and loudly as her face turned red. She was so cute when she got embarrassed, Runa couldn’t help but bite her own lip and giggle along with her. Sofie’s laugh was quick, she leaned against her nose and moved her little hand further back, stroking the curls around her neck and ear. The gentle sensations against her were so comfortable and soothing. Sofie grinned and added proudly:
“Good, I really tried my best.” Runa giggled and nodded to her, and raised her brows eagerly.
“Oh I noticed.” Sofie moved her hand forward and stroked her cheek again, her blue eyes softened into a gaze so gentle her spine trembled.
“And are you feeling happier too?” She asked so tenderly, it seemed like music. She felt her chest tightening, a pressure rose behind her eyes. She was sweet to wonder, especially after seeing her feeling so bad about herself while doing her homework. Fuck she was good, the greatest good to ever happen to her. She frowned her brows and smiled widely with her teeth, before she swallowed and nodded.
“Yes, I’ve..” Her sight blurred quickly, that heavy blazing euphoria rose a bit to show her its true potency. Like a sun in her chest, rising from the horizon. Sofie noticed her crying and said:
“Oooh, Runaa.” Awing at her before smiling. She leaned in on her cheek and pecked it repeatedly.
“Each day together I keep thinking: I’ve never been this happy before. But then I just feel it more and more.” Runa said amidst it all, her tears trickling down to the side over her nose. Sofie moved her entire arm around her head and pressed their lips together firmly, and pecked her hard a handful of times while groaning happily. Runa closed her eyes and let them come, before they released and breathed against one another again.
“Me too, I didn’t know I could ever be happy again. And now.. well..” When she spoke their lips brushed over each other, she stared back with tender eyes. While sighing hard in a shaky breath, she loosened her hold on Runa’s head and leaned a bit back. Started stroking gently at the curls by her ear instead, she smiled happily still with a pink face and red cheeks. Runa sighed slowly observing her with pride, knowing her happiness was because of her made the sun rise taller in her chest.
“Before you I had only cried with happiness twice, with you I just keep on doing it, I’ve lost count.” She said in gentle glee, her eyes shimmered with tears. Runa pouted and moved closer, and observed her pale pretty face contorting in an actual sob.
“That’s wonderful.” She uttered and kissed her lips softly while stroking her cheek. She felt her smiling in the kiss, their gentle movements turned hard and aching. Straight from her chest, near her obsidian melting just a drop, her blazing affection glowed deep in her ribcage. Knowing just how happy she made her had her chest burst with joy. Tears gathered beneath her closed eyelids, as she felt her face tightening again. 

When they released and smiled the tears trickled quickly out her eyes. Sofie giggled and sniffled, and moved her hand back and stroked them with her fingertips.
“Your hands are so tiny and cute.” Runa said and grabbed her hand, and held it up. She let go and held her own flat against it, and compared their hand sizes. She parted her fingers and stared at her slim pale hand, so small and graceful. Sofie gasped and flattened her hand in return, and stroked gently at her fingertips with her own. Somehow that felt strangely intimate, her chest mushed inwards against the sunken flame. 

Sofie’s eyes softened while she grinned.
“We’re people.” She said in a whisper, Runa giggled and nodded. For a minute she stared at Sofie’s endearing and beautiful face, while she looked at their hands stroking with their fingers spread. Suddenly she got a realization, and understood why it felt so intimate. In a textbook at school, quite a while ago she had seen a picture of a cave. On it with red pigment, handprints had been marked in negative, as if someone had pressed their hands over the stone before painting over it. The negative space was the imprint, so many handprints forever put there on the world thousands of years ago. As if to say; I was here, I existed. Sofie’s hand though smaller and slimmer, paler and daintier, still had the hand of a human. They were people. In this moment, amidst her burning sun and slumbering desire the universal marker of their humanity pressed together. Invisibly imprinting on one another, becoming a moment lasting forever in an instant. I was here, she was here. Now as separate beings, they were still together somehow. She teared up again, while she stared at their hands she started smiling.
“And we’re here.” She said gently, Sofie grinned with her teeth, twinned her fingers between hers and held down over the rest of her hand. Runa lowered her broader darker fingers over her knuckles and held her back gently.
“Together.” Whispered Sofie, Runa moved her gaze over to her. Though they had been one, once. They were here together now, as individuals imprinting on each other. She must have been feeling the exact same thing, that the revelation was shared made it feel even more intimate. She leaned in on her cheek, and moved their twinned hands against their left breasts still pressing together. She wanted to ask it, so we’re together then? But was she ready? With all they had done, all they had said, maybe she was? It was the perfect moment, she braced herself in silence. If she didn’t know for sure, then maybe she wasn’t ready? If not, she knew she was nearly there. So she let the silence be, and hoped Sofie felt the same while staring so fondly at her.

Footsteps started going slowly up the stairs, she heard right away it was Marion with the laundry. Sofie’s eyes barred open in surprise, Runa just had to giggle by the mere idea they could actually get caught like this. Sofie untwinned their hands and pressed her fingertips against her lips, and shushed her while starting to giggle herself.
“It’s okay, she won’t come in here, not with the laundry.” Runa whispered to her. Sofie tensed up still and blushed, hugged her close and lifted her knee up to her hip, and pressed her foot over her thigh.
“You gotta hide me anyway.” She complained still in a whisper. Runa giggled a bit louder, nodded to her and sat up. Quickly she grabbed her lower back and pressed her down on her own lap. Sofie stared at her with big eyes, and observed her closely as her long wavy hair fell around her shoulders and arms. Then while holding Sofie close she shoved the knitted blanket and the duvet underneath to the side and bent over it, carrying Sofie along with her. As if putting a child to bed she put her down against the sheet, and dragged the covers away from beneath her legs. Then she pulled it over her own back, and laid down over her, covering them both completely. Sofie stared at her with a wide smile and gentle eyes, her blush heightened to red yet again.
“There, you’re aaaall hidden now.” She said to her a bit louder. Quickly she felt Sofie’s legs part and press on each side of her hips, her shins and feet surrounded her legs and pressed against her.
“Ohh thank youuu.” She said amused and giggled, quickly she started to peck her cheek repeatedly and hard. Runa chuckled and moved her arms around her back, and hugged her even closer. The warmth and softness was so immense between them, bliss erupted once more. She blushed and leaned her face down between her neck and shoulder, and sighed hard while she relaxed over her soft skinny body.
“Mmmm.” She hummed gently, Sofie groaned back to her and held around her back, and rubbed her face against her own neck. It was so adorable her chest mushed, she grinned while they listened to Marion walk slowly to the top. Sofie leaned back enough to press her nose and mouth against her cheek, Runa grinned while they heard Marion enter the bathroom.
“See?” She whispered, Sofie raised her hands up behind her neck and stroked it. The softness still felt grand, their bodies laid together in a warmth so deep she started sweating. Sofie stroked her cheek with her nose, and caressed her nape and curls slowly and gently. Eventually Marion exited the bathroom and walked quickly down the stairs, and so they were alone again. 

“Can we stay under here forever?” Sofie suggested tenderly, though not serious it sounded more like a prayer. The notion was tempting, she grinned and leaned a bit back, facing her properly. Their lips brushed together, her blue eyes were relaxed, she grinned weakly still with blushing cheeks. Though it might be from the warmth too, not just her affection.
“Oh sure, though you might grow tired of me then.” She responded playfully, Sofie grinned with her teeth, and lowered her brows in a forcefully angry expression.
“Uh. No I wouldn’t.” She responded in an unseriously offended tone, Runa grinned back at her and raised her brows.
“Well you’ll at least grow really bored, I mean come on.” Sofie relaxed her face, and moved her nose back and forth against her own. She felt her entire torso tremble warmly by the gesture.
“No, I’d just..” Sofie said while she continued touching her neck curls carefully with her fingertips, tilting her head just a bit before continuing:
“.. count every hair, feel every centimeter, hear every story, tell you everything.” Her sweet words made her spine quiver with heat, and her stomach flutter just a bit more.
“Oh Sofie.” She responded gently back to her, before she leaned in and pecked her slowly. The feel of their soft dry lips pressing together again, made her spine beam and tremble with bliss. Sofie raised her arms and embraced her entire head, she groaned happily and closed her eyes. It was so easy to see her happiness, she felt so proud. As their lips dragged with gentle sighs and soft strokes of hands and legs, she realized she’ll never be the same again. Even if Sofie left her tomorrow, it’d hurt her so much but she’ll never go back to who she was before. Denying herself love, planning to die, believing nothing would change. She had been so wrong, indeed she had no idea life could be this good. So she teared up in the kiss but kept it in, whispered against her warm now slippery lips:
“In a way, we’ll be here even when we leave. We’ll remember, it happened, like a picture.” She said gently, lifted her hand and stroked her pale pink cheek, Sofie grinned widely. Her pink lips stretched over her white straight teeth. Her little dimples showed, and her hair stretched behind her head so beautifully, waving around her. 

“Some say our genes remember, in a way.” She commented, Runa kissed her cheek and leaned down against it.
“Oh really? How so?” She asked. Sofie’s arms lowered and relaxed against her back again, stroked it gently with her fingertips. Like a tickle tender as a touch, as if an itch finally being scratched, she groaned and closed her eyes.
“I read in Illustrated Science that life events can trigger epigenetics, sort of like an on and off button. So if a generation starved, the couple generations after will be fatter somehow, even after the period of starvation ended. Things like stress too, even just mental stress can apparently go down quite far. Or it could be simple, like if you smoke your disposition for cancer flips on.” She added softly, Runa grinned widely against her cheek, felt herself blushing more. She was so smart and curious, it was both fun and endearing. Despite her stunning beauty, Runa acknowledged, her mind was the best part.
“Do you think the genes remember happiness too then?” She responded tenderly and stroked her nose down to her neck again. She felt Sofie breathe through her neck, even felt her pulse.
“No, I think only straining of the body and mind has an effect on epigenetics, as a survival mechanism. I mean it makes sense that..” Runa grinned and leaned up, facing her silently.
“.. only the bad ones actually makes a difference. Though mutations has no rhyme or reason like a conscious being, it still has a cause and effect that can create the wildest..” Sofie blabbered excitedly, Runa tilted her head and raised her brows, and observed her amused.
“.. adaptations, and I imagine epigenetics are sort of the first step in that. I mean, the struggle for survival is what motivates everything, the pressure is the engine of evolution. I don’t know if the opposite can..” But then she paused, finally she noticed her expression and sighed.
“What?” She whispered and grinned. Runa touched her cheek more gently with her fingertips and chuckled, their chests and soft breasts jittered in her gentle laughter. Movements increased the sensations of their skins pressing together. She felt her stomach flutter while the ever increasing softness widened even more beneath her.
“Nothing I just.. was trying to be romantic here.” Sofie’s cheeks turned just a shade deeper, she bit her lower lip and looked to the side.
“Oh, right sorry.. I mean..” Then she gazed at her again, and pressed her slim hands firmly against her neck and pulled her down, she pouted in a playful smile and added:
“Oooh yeees of course, if I birth children I’m sure their genes will remember how happy and safe you make me feel riiight noooow!” Her tone was wide and playful, though forced, she made it even more humorous. It seemed she couldn’t not be correct. Runa laughed properly, and kept stroking her cheek as she was pulled down to her face.
“Awwee, you still gotta be perfectly correct, don’t youuuu?” She groaned in the same way and pressed their lips together, and pecked her repeatedly. Sofie giggled amongst them, and stroked the back of her head hard, adding against her quick pecks:
“Mhmmmm.” For a little while it consumed everything. Eventually they released with sighs and giggles. 

Runa stared straight at her and asked:
“So everything is all about the genes. How was that decided? If there is no will that guides it, how did genes become so.. important?” Sofie gasped and moved her hands forward, and pressed her cheeks together.
“Oh my god I’ve never thought of that. I have no idea.” She said excitedly, Runa looked to the side towards the big white and bulky family computer on the desk, placed in the corner of the room.
“Hmm, we can try and search for it on the internet?” She suggested, Sofie groaned and pressed her nose against her cheek, making her smile.
“Noo, then we’ll have to get up.” She complained so adorably.
“We don’t have to do it right now, it can wait.” Runa responded and turned her head, and pecked her lightly.
“Good, but I still wanna know.” She commented in another quick sigh. Runa moved her hand up to her bangs hanging to the side, stroked it and said playfully:
“Oh of course you do. Though I kinda wanna get up and turn on some music again.” She added, Sofie grinned sweetly.
“Hmmm yeah sure, at a lower volume then? I wanna hear you.” She responded softly, Runa giggled and pecked her just once before she said:
“Oh what exactly do you wanna hear, then?” Sofie paused near her face and smiled widely with her teeth, her blush turned deeper again.
“I don’t know, anything you want.” She replied, Runa giggled. That wasn’t even what she meant. Somehow she was so endearing, without even meaning to. Quickly Runa got up, and ran over to the bookshelf only in her skin tight short boxer-shorts. 

Sofie sat up and grabbed the waterbottle on the nightstand to her side, Runa observed her and grinned with warm cheeks, before turning her gaze ready for the task at hand. A section on the right was dedicated to CDs, many by Tori Amos, she picked a white one out and looked at the cover. A skinny and pretty redhead framed by white, standing in front of green bushes while wearing a pattern matching it in blue. Piano and singing was nice and calm right? She opened it by the desk and pressed the lid of the CD player down, and it popped up. She put in the CD and closed it, pressed play and turned down the audio. Quickly piano played, just like she remembered. She looked over to the bed, at Sofie laying below the patchwork blanket and white duvet. She laid on the side with most of her hair covering the pillow, with a relaxed gaze and still blushing, she observed her so clearly. Runa felt her cheeks prickle, suddenly she was so naked in front of her once more. Yet again she could see in her eyes just how much she was liked, that nervousness creeped up on her too. An overwhelming notion making her stomach flutter, she grinned and ran over to her, got in beneath the covers and pressed her face against her thin pale neck.
“What? Are you embarrassed?” She asked her, the sound of her dark smooth voice was felt and heard through her neck. Runa grinned and nodded while her heart rate increased. Sofie breathed deeply in and laughed her pretty rolling laughter, making her entire torso heat up again. Her skinny arms wrapped around her back, and stroked it firmly. Embarrassment beamed strongly inside her, she groaned and lifted her arms around her back in return, moved her up and over herself. Sofie spoke while she laughed.
”Awe Runa. Don’t be.” She continued amused. Runa nodded and tightened her grip, and pressed her face into her neck and shoulder.
“You’re beautiful.” Sofie added firmly, and removed her slim hands from between Runa’s back and the bedsheet, stroked the back of her head instead. Her laugh dropped slowly and the silence grew. Runa relaxed beneath her, feeling her belly and breasts, her thighs and shins, so much of her soft warm skin gave her comfort. Like she was falling into her, melting gently in the safest place she could imagine. She grinned and moved her head back, and  looked up at her. The sadness of the world faded away, like Sofie herself was the wall between it. Nothing bad could happen here, that nervousness grew within her need to keep that feeling still inside her. A part of her already wanted it all, to keep her mind and body right here indefinitely.
“You’re so soft Sofie.” She whispered to her. Sofie smiled and tilted her head amused.
“It feels like I could be like this forever.” She added, and relaxed properly while she observed her blue irises, her relaxed eyelids with pale lashes and brows, she was being observed so carefully the nervousness grew, was she expecting something? What was she feeling? Having her like this took over her mind, she giggled and moved her hands down her back, and stroked it softly up and down. Sofie closed her eyes and groaned happily, before she lowered her head against her own neck and sighed.
“Mmmmh, me too.” She whispered calmly. 

The piano and singing got added to with other instruments, fun beats in patterns, not catchy but moving a bit frantically around like a living thing. The happiness struck her too, that intense yearning burning happiness. How many times by now had she cried with happiness in her presence? Again she realized she really had no idea such bliss could exist inside her, but here it was.
“Sofie?” She asked in a gentle whisper.
“Hmmm?” She responded in another groan. Some of her long blonde hair fell down on her nose and tickled her face, she blew it away and it fell more to the side.
“Those other times you have cried with happiness, when was that?” Her chest yearned to know it all, while also feeling all the happiness with her. Sofie groaned again, happily and widely as if to express herself without words.
“Hmm, the first time was.. when Mom and Dad married. You know, the rings and I do’s. I knew it was for life, and that Amund became my dad when they married. And oh, I don’t know, seeing Mom cry and smile, it just made me so happy, I cried too.” She answered calmly not too far away from her ear, though still muffled. Just imagining little Sofie smiling and crying in a white flower dress, made her chest beam with heat. A light soaring feeling swirled around her heart.
“You were a flower girl?” She asked, Sofie nodded and continued:
“Yeah I had this pretty white dress and shoes, and a tiny basket with flower petals, I walked down the aisle in church and everything. I was seven but even still I just.. I was so happy.” Runa smiled happily against her skin and stroked her more firmly.
“Aww that sounds so nice.” She commented softly, Sofie nodded against her.
“Yes, it was.” Her tone was deep and filled with warmth.
“And the second time?” She just had to ask, Sofie giggled, their chests jittered for a few moments, making the softness bigger again. She felt so warm, her entire torso prickled. The potent heat between them had her sweat, but she didn’t mind.
“Oh that was when I met Olai for the first time.” She replied softly, Runa grinned again, right of course.
“I was eight. He was tiny and pink, his little face was weird and wrinkly, his hair was white and wispy, he was like a little featherless bird with the face of an old man. But then I put my finger against his hand and he held it. I didn’t know then that that was like; an automatic movement for newborns. Back then I thought he wanted to hold my hand, that he did it on purpose.” They started giggling together, the softness grew wide again, she felt herself blushing hard both with heat and happiness.
“He opened his eyes, which I mean, most newborns wait a few days before they do that but, he was wide awake from day one. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and I just felt like he was saying: Hello big sister. I felt my heart explode with love, so I cried.” She said in a light tone, moved her head a bit back and spoke more clearly. Runa looked to the side and met her gaze, stroked her nose on her left cheek and smiled back to her.
“That must have been wonderful.” She commented with tenderness in her heart. Sofie really loved her family, it was sweet to see. Whatever had happened to her at her old school, the strain between her mother, the loneliness in her own home, she’d always have that. Sofie grinned with her teeth and sighed, nodded.
“It really was.” Runa moved her to the side against the wall and lifted her hand back, and stroked the cheek as her hair fell over to the side. Sofie’s cheeks turned crimson for just a few seconds, and she giggled and looked straight at her.
“And the third?” Runa asked smugly, Sofie’s focus increased, she paused and seemed amused.
“You were there.” She answered nearly in a giggle. Runa stroked some of her bangs behind her ear, feeling her soft locks with glee.
“I know, but tell me anyway.” She begged gently. Sofie smiled with her teeth, lifted her slim pale hand, stroked the curls near her ear and looked down at her mouth. Her blonde lashes faced down as her expression relaxed.
“Well, it was on the bathroom floor, at school. You were over me, and we kissed.” The image fell vividly into her mind, that bright ceiling light, and her pink face contorting into a silent cry. Herself asking: Are you okay?
“Right, that, so it was because..?” Runa asked with her chest softening, her heart beating so strongly and warmly by the notion. Sofie’s answer in the moment was safety and happiness, had that been true? Sofie quickly continued:
“Because you were over me, so big and strong and eager, yet so warm and soft and gentle.” As she spoke Runa felt her inner chest mush and sink more, with affection and warmth. Like the sun rising again, peeking up the horizon. In awe she watched her cheeks redden again, and her smile widening so beautifully.

“I just.. I realized this was what I felt like, being with you. You made my heart burst, in your own way. And I was just so relieved, I knew then that this, us, it could work, that it would finally happen. I was so relieved, and so happy.” Her smooth voice sank like a song mellowing into tenderness. The sun rose completely and whole, and radiated brightly in her own chest. The hairs stood on her arms, her breath prickled as she sighed hard, her vision blurred with incoming tears. Beneath the covers she grabbed Sofie’s thigh and lifted it up, Sofie giggled and helped her along. Runa gripped below her knee and bent it against her own hip. She leaned in on her lips while her breath turned into a quiet whimper, indeed she knew that feeling, that burst in the chest. Like a quiet explosion of that sun, it happened in the silence before she said:
“I cried that day too, with happiness. For the second time, and third, and forth, I cried a lot.” Sofie gripped behind her head and groaned as their lips met gently. Their soft touch had her spine shiver just once, as if bending around the sun to vibrate it with bliss. Her chest ached, she opened her mouth slowly as their movements tickled, turned electric.
“Why?” Sofie said in a loud sigh, her breath shook while she closed her eyes. Her brows curved already, their hips started moving against one another very slowly. Her groin beat with hot blood, emitting gentle pleasure instantly. Their lips brushed against one another again, their gasps blended in the space between them.
“‘Cause you looked at me with those stunning eyes, like I was so damn precious, and everything you said...” She said amidst continuously heavy breaths. Sofie opened her wondrous blue eyes, gripped her cheek hard and leaned in just enough to gather her soft lips around her own top lip, before closing them again. Instinctually she pressed her own over Sofie’s bottom lip and kissed her back. Slowly she released and lifted her hand away from her knee, she stroked up her thigh and leaned a bit back only with her lower body. Sofie quickly let go of her cheek and moved her hand down, she stared at her intently, and gasped the moment Runa stroked outside her panties. Then her slim fingers touched her lower belly, had her stomach flutter in a twitch, before her hand went down inside, making the pleasure rise in tingling warmth. She gasped and did it back to her.
“..I believed you. It felt like you looked straight into my soul, and you accepted me.” She whispered, and observed her pretty pink face tightening up just a bit, while her gaze relaxed into an euphoric expression. Runa grinned widely and continued:
“I didn’t know what to do with it, so I just kept on crying.” Sofie’s eyes were still open, her blonde lashes faced upwards, she too smiled while gasping. Slowly her own focus was fading gently at the corners of her mind and sight.

“I never thought I’d experience anything like it. You were incredible, and you changed me.” She added a bit louder, remembering that feeling made pressure emerge behind her eyes. They moved slowly as their breaths gained depth and speed. Her groin emitted brighter tingling pleasure, against her fingertips she felt that slippery and warm tissue, swallowed by wetness. Slowly she leaned over her, and observed her beautiful mouth open wider. Her brows curved harder, making a single wrinkle between them. Though arousing it was also moving, knowing just how much that day had changed them both, it made her want to give everything just to make up for it. In that moment she now understood, she had basked in that blue fire, that wondrous light without knowing it. As if all the good she had missed out on, gathered through her blue eyes and shot at her like a laser. Showing her just how good a human can be, what kindness humanity itself was capable of. Tears blurred her sight, in this moment like so many others; she was so beautiful inside out. The thought of giving her something pleasurable yet again felt like a gift. Though daft in the fog she scrambled for words to add, and managed to continue while panting:
“All the good I’ve missed out on became you, and you were so moving, so beautiful.” Sofie opened her eyes, her bright blue irises stared straight into her soul. Tears dripped from them, she grinned and said against her lips:
“Oh god Runa, you changed me too.” She groaned desperately as she said it, hearing it made the fog sink fast around her own mind. Dulling her thoughts so feelings could reign.

As the happiness burst from the sun and sank deep into her chest, burning hot and igniting brightly, her groin gathered slowly into that wonderful bead. She started moving her fingers quicker and observed Sofie gape higher and moan gently.
“Fuck Sofie, change me again.” Runa whimpered back to her, before she finally pressed their open lips together and gathered them. They rubbed firmly, it made her spine shake and her stomach prickle in jitters. Her entire face felt hot, while her groin melted amidst instinctual movements. She faded into the fog so effortlessly, and felt her caring and light traveling deep into her body. 

Their tongues met and moved, the wetness spread the softness wider, felt electric in every minute movement. Their skins rubbed together, everything folded open amidst hot tingling pleasure. The sharpness lingered amidst it all, poking out as she unfolded. She moved herself a bit over Sofie, all their movements grew desperate. The bead filled with burning lava so quickly, and burst as Sofie’s moans turned louder and higher in pitch. She opened her eyes and looked at her expression, her heart beat so hard in her chest, she started hearing it between their moans. The song faded, she fell into herself as the exploding bead let out pleasure like vapor, making her pelvis glow in white. Her thighs and belly tightened, their breaths gathered and broke apart in nasal highly pitched moans, she tried to be quiet but forgot about it when the orgasm broke out in full. Their tongues twinning together paused, she lifted her head a bit up and felt her lower body burn and explode. She faded completely in ecstasy. As one again, for just a few wonderful moments; that being arose once more. Made of light it emerged with numerous arms, eyes and spines. Their essences braiding together inside it. The feel of blending with her was bright and hot, and made her chest ache and burst with bliss. Though it fell as quickly as it had risen, and that being they were together, dimmed and fell apart like a flame in the moistest of fogs.

She leaned in emerging from it all, and kissed her deeply as Sofie moaned for just a few more seconds, before her breath caught up with her, and she heaved. They released, Sofie opened her bright blue eyes and smiled widely in her heavy breaths, in awe, bliss and exhaustion she gazed at her, the sight of her boiled her chest and cheeks. Her left hand stroked behind Runa’s head while they slowly moved their right hands out of each other’s underwear.
“You’re so good at that.” She said exhaustively, Runa giggled blissfully, and stroked her cheek with her own left hand. Yet another thing that was good.
“What, touching you?” She asked smugly, Sofie leaned her head back and laughed, her face turned brightly crimson again. The sound of it made her entire spine quiver just a bit more. Sofie’s expression calmed so elegantly on her stunning pale face.
“Well yes, that too.” She answered and sighed hard, before she leaned in on her face again. Her blue eyes were so warm and good, her entire being was so spinemelting.
“No I mean, you’re so good at making me want you sooo intensely. You know just what to say.” Runa giggled again, with pride and glee she pressed their lips together in hard closed kisses. Every friction against them made her stomach flutter, and for her spine to beam and shiver.
“Not like it’s hard, I just say what I feel and you swoon.” She said the moment she leaned back. Sofie laughed again, though this time a shorter one.
“I don’t swoon.” She commented and grinned. Runa chuckled and stroked her cheek.
“Yees youuu doooo.” She responded in a long exaggerated tone. “You’re so swoony and giddy.” They giggled excitedly together, the joy warmed her from within.
“..and beautiful.” She added lastly, while feeling her entire torso tremble with bliss and warmth. Their laughter ceased, Sofie smiled gently and moved a bit above her, she leaned in to touch her nose with her own. Her eyes softened to remind her once again just how much she was adored.
“Fine, I swoon, just for you.” She uttered softly like a song, it sent a strong shiver like lightning up her spine. Again she felt her heartbeat rise, she gripped Sofie’s head and pressed her close. Kissed her lips and opened her mouth, their tongues met again. Gliding and tumbling in the warmth and wetness she could never get enough of. The mist fell upon her once more, gently they rubbed their sweaty bodies together.

Quickly she felt herself soaking and boiling in sweat and warmth. Though comfortable in some way, it seemed her body just had enough. She released and groaned, quickly she moved the covers off them, and threw it back and said:
“Oh my fucking god, I’m burning.” Sofie grinned and said amused:
“Yes you’re so hot, you poor thing.” As they finally started cooling down their breaths slowed again. She lifted her right hand, reached for the waterbottle and grabbed it. Put the spout to her mouth and opened it with her teeth, before drinking a quarter of it. After putting it back she moved her torso backwards and pressed her hand against her naked back. They laid properly on their sides again, her fingers still wet at the tips, and started scratching Sofie’s back. She looked at her so warmly, and sighed with a slow breath and seemed to relax again. 

Still knowing for sure what had happened inside her, during those precious tears of joy was heartwarming. Happy and safe, she had said at the time.
“So you were honest then? That’s nice.” Runa commented gently, she felt Sofie’s chest jitter as she laughed quickly and softly. The sound of it trembled her spine again.
“You thought I was lying?” She asked, sounding so amused. Runa giggled and shook her head.
“Well no.” She replied feeling flustered. “I thought that maybe you were trying to encourage me, though I did believe you too. I don’t know what I thought.” She replied, Sofie moved over her, stretched her back and legs atop her, lifted her head up a bit and stretched her neck as well. Then she groaned and sighed slowly and hard. Somehow it was quite adorable, making her cheeks prickle and her chest mush. Then Sofie relaxed again, and Runa resumed the stroking of her soft back. After a short while of silence, Sofie broke it.
“Can you tell me about the first time you cried?” She asked gently.
“You mean with happiness?” Runa responded, Sofie nodded and smiled against her cheek. They pressed their noses together, Runa closed her eyes and looked inwards. 

“Hm, it was more than three years ago.” She mumbled against her cheek. But then she leaned back a bit and spoke more clearly. She could see Sofie smile softly in her side view, still with pink cheeks and beautiful features no matter the expression. Though she realized she was making favorites of those too.
“I had been here half a year and that day, right before Yule I had..” She remembered screaming and crying, throwing and breaking, burning anger, it emptying in her body.
“I had been such a fucking brat that day, throwing and breaking things, screaming and yelling. I don’t even remember about what. I then despite them always being so calm, hid under the bed. It’s just something I used to do.” Sofie pulled her closer again, Runa blushed and pressed her cheek against hers and continued nearly in a whisper:
“Eventually Marion had convinced me to come out, and she took me downstairs, I thought that that was the last straw, that they’d send me away this time. But instead she and Harrald just.. held me. I asked them why they didn’t hate me, and they said for the first time; that they loved me.” Sofie rubbed her nose against her cheek, and seemed to smile in her breath.
“Aw.” She said almost in a choo. Runa nodded and grinned widely, remembered so vividly when they leaned back and said it. How suddenly her chest had ached so hard with a completely new feeling. ‘Do you really?’ She had asked them, they had nodded with genuinely happy faces, despite everything she had done that day.
“That’s how I realized they weren’t gonna send me away, that they somehow understood that brat wasn’t me, I just fell apart and I sobbed, I was so relieved, and so happy. I didn’t think I could be loved. Everything changed after that. I’m starting to recognize that feeling now, with you.” She said lastly, and stroked her wet fingers on the sheets properly, before she moved it up and lifted Sofie’s long thick hair. She threw it to the side to make room, and started stroking her nape gently. Sofie groaned with soft eyes, lifted her left hand to her face and caressed it, and pressed their faces firmer together.
“That’s wonderful. All people thrive when they’re loved, I’m sure.” She whispered so sweetly in response. A radiating hope to one day be loved by her made her lost for words. She felt her stomach flutter again, the intensity of her own affection felt all consuming, she held back on nothing and Sofie swallowed it all so happily. She slowly moved her right hand back and lifted the covers, pulling it over them again before huddling against her so cutely. 

The wideness grew, like her beautiful body and soft skin was a blanket all on its own. Protecting her from ever being in pain again, and making her affection both vast and calm within her. She moved her left arm around her back, instead of stroking it she pressed her as close as she could possibly be. Sofie moved her head a bit down and nuzzled her neck with her nose and lips, it had her skin both tickle and prickle with warmth. She looked up at the ceiling, sighed long and deep with the pressure of this amazing girl adding to her calmness. She didn’t want her to leave for the night either. Again she felt she’d never forget what this felt like, while insulted or beat this feeling would remain to soothe her, to protect her mind. Though now she knew it wouldn’t, inside her around her spine sadness grew. What a tragedy it was that she couldn’t feel this all the time, to not be with her at peace every moment from now on. Just the thought of being removed from this person, this high, made her grieve her. She frowned her brows, anger seeped in as well. She had almost missed out on it, with rocks in her pockets, she was supposed to walk into the ocean and never know this, know her. Then, finally, she felt relief. It lifted the heaviness away and made her sigh again. She had figured it’d be hard to commit herself to her, being so inexperienced and clueless. But she felt that need deepening, to be called hers. Though she wasn’t there yet she was close. Some might feel limited doing so at her own age, but she realized it truly freed her. The restraints of her mind, and her feelings, it all let loose against her. Even just talking with her, that deep fun conversation on Sunday came to mind. The plates and the observer, morality, instincts, it had amused and relaxed her like nothing ever had before. With her she could just be herself, just like she had said to Harrald. Committing to her, would set her free.

She grinned and pressed her face down against her neck. She sniffed deeply in as she sighed, smelled her sweet sweat and hair. A high indeed, a light feeling of finally flying high like a bird, a seagull in white and gray. In the air it felt so freeing and comfortable and right. Even now a part of her knew: I’m hers already. Not just for a moment, imprinting on hands or picturing it lasting forever as an object, but after. Whatever would come, panic attacks, conflicts with her mother, or mean teens, it didn’t deter her. She felt brave knowing life had thrown her so much crap, she’d easily burst through whatever challenges Sofie brought, and melt against all the joy coming along with her as well. She trusted that Sofie spoke earnestly, and that since she had already decided to stay; the likelihood of being left behind for that reason at least, was small. Now their future together looked so bright. She wondered how happy she actually could get? How absolutely in bliss could they make each other? Would they fight? Would they hurt each other’s feelings? She had no idea how that’d feel. All she knew, was this, and that she wanted more of it, possibly forever. To fly gently, soaring light as a feather amidst warm summer winds. She’d do it all, with her.

*

They had been like that for hours, kissing, talking, and touching, seamlessly transitioning from one to another like waves of a calm ocean. Soothing her soul down to the bone. Not like a cloud of desire, though she embraced that at intervals too. But like a mist light enough to make her float. Calming and overwhelming at the same time. By the end, the waterbottle had been emptied. Eventually that one question nagged in her mind. Apart from asking to be together, which she refused to disrupt the timeline of, in case she’d say no: Runa’s question stirred amidst their kisses, musings and laughter. How was it decided that genes were so important? If evolution itself can’t decide anything? The force of evolution being pressure to adapt, or death. What was the force of the adaption itself? Genes, but how? When? So she had told Runa it was time to find out.

It had been fun when Runa had wrapped the patchwork blanket around them and lifted her up, carrying her over to the officechair and sitting down. She had turned around and sat down on Runa’s lap, wrapped the blanket around them on the front and turned on the computer. With some waiting for Windows XP to start, they had plenty of time for jokes and kisses. Eventually she had rolled closer and pressed against the desk, used the white computer mouse attached by a wire to double click on the Internet Explorer program, finally opening the internett. It opened on a news site in white and cream colors, called Startsiden.no. With headlines and pictures gathered in squares, she could scroll down the page, if she wanted to. Quickly she doubleclicked the web address bar, and wrote down by pressing on the white keyboard with steep keys clicking as she did. ‘Google.org’ and it showed up, with a white background and the ‘google’ letters all in different colors, the search engine was right below it. She had paused and thought for a moment, Runa had spoken behind her:
“Who decided genes were so important? No, why are genes so important?” Sofie grinned and wrote down her last suggestion. Many web pages showed up when she clicked on the search button with the arrow of the computer mouse. The web pages, headlines and a few lines of its contents went down until numbers at the very bottom appeared, showing the next pages.
| 1, 2, 3, 4, of … 234 pages | She observed it closely as she scrolled slowly, and read the headlines before scrolling up to the top again. She clicked on a headline near the top:

Why are genes so important? - dagsmedisin.no
Genes are made of DNA which determines what an organism is like, its behavior in its environment, survival and reproduction, and all of its characteristics. All living beings have genes, which can affect someone’s health, through inherited diseases, or if their eyes are brown…

Runa moved her hair completely to the side again, seemed to struggle, which distracted her and made her laugh. Then Runa moved her hands over her belly, and pressed her soft cheek against the left side of her neck. Throughout it all she had still felt her torso prickle with warmth, in her lungs, around her heart, inside her belly, and on her cheeks. She tried to focus, and frowned her brows and concentrated, she started reading. Quickly she fell into each word, describing mechanisms of the genome, how the proteins bonded in pairs in lines of two. But gathered in three, twinning in strands shaping together into X’s or Y’s. She knew all of this, even saw a small section dedicated to epigenetics. With simple drawings she began to realize exactly how it inhabited each cell, it was all for every function, each centimeter of flesh and bone, blood and fat. The code in it all, they were instructions, made of proteins they guided cells as if being instinctual. Like how an animal knows when to burrow for slumber for the winter, or like the birds flying south even before the snow fall. A living thing, down to the most fundamental level, in the mists of time it had risen from death, into life. Exactly how it happened and when, she didn’t find. If only she got enough to imagine it happening like she did with the neurons in her own brain. Or with her own bones and limbs, but there was no easy answer. 

She sat back and sighed frustratedly, and leaned against Runa’s warm breathing chest completely. Maybe the proteins came first? Shaping up the nucleus somehow. And the rest gradually built around it, before forming a membrane separating the boundaries of entropy? Between the organized living, and the disorganized dead? Why did it want it? The cell with no mind, somehow creating the code amidst whatever helped it build itself or copy itself. Why was it so important to be alive in the first place?

“So it’s like a computer code then? In every cell, directing it?” Runa asked behind her, Sofie grinned and felt her cheeks prickle more, and nodded and turned her head. She looked to the side and met her eyes.
“You've read it all too?” She asked her, Runa shrugged and sighed.
“Just a bit, and the pictures helped. But I’m not good at reading.” She lifted her left hand up to Runa’s cheek and stroked it. Just today she had said she was stupid more than once, even her teacher had seemed to imply it to her. 

Quiet anger rose in her, how could anyone ever think so? Maybe because they didn’t bother knowing her? She had gotten the gist of it without much reading, and with a simple visual aid she herself benefited greatly from too. The questions she asked, even on Sunday; had stimulated her intellectually. Has no one bothered to talk to her, or listen to her, apart from her parents? The notion made the anger sink and change, mellowing into a sadness pressing within her chest instead.
“Yes, that’s right. It didn’t say anything about how and why, maybe nobody knows?” She answered softly, and saw her smile while she looked down as her cheek was stroked.
“We could find more articles?” She suggested before looking up again with her gentle brown eyes. 

Sofie couldn’t help but wonder exactly how the proteins in her genes were arranged, to make her so beautiful? For her eyes and skin to be brown, for her hair to be black and curly? She slowly leaned back and turned her neck more, all to get closer. What genes made her the same height as herself, the shape of her mouth, her hands, her torso and legs? No matter how the construction of genes had happened, however it was determined to be useful for the cell to pass on as it copied, she was glad it did. To be here, basking in her natural beauty. A wonder of evolution, right in front of her. She had imagined herself being built cell by cell, with bones and flesh, with her brain and eyes in a skull. She had looked inside herself in wonder and terror. Now Runa ignited in her mind, becoming alive through the spark of life inside her cells, glowing and morphing through generations to end up exactly here like this. Though the warm light in the room was too dim to coax the amber out from her irises, that warmth and depth still remained. In motion and emotion, her body and mind were so unique and incredible. Her will to live so fierce and admirable, against her every moment throughout the earth’s eons turned so intensely meaningful. It all gathered in her beautiful body, in her burning eyes. Everytime their minds and bodies met, and faded in pleasure and warmth; they became a part of it, together. That force bringing every animal, every cell into this world had exploded between them. Once they had all been the same, now separate it was as if they yearned to be one once more. Again she had felt that being rise, like a child of light, passing on that spark while existing as one. Twice now it had been the highlight of her life, and with her she already knew; more would come.

Her breath gained steam as her pulse rose. Her groin still wet from the many times before softened in warmth, and gained a heartbeat all on its own. As if a new life made by her body’s reproductive instincts, ready to be fertilized with light and grow with pleasure.

“Yeah, we could, or...” She responded and smiled, Runa’s eyes relaxed to a more tender gaze. She smiled wider, and asked back so smugly:
“Or, what?” Sofie looked down and pressed their noses together.
“We could do something else.” Then she bent her neck enough to kiss her, Runa seemed to get the picture. She giggled and had them stop, and asked enthusiastically against her lips:
“How many times today are we gonna do it?” Sofie grinned and looked up for a moment, did she mean how many rounds, marked by the breaks filled with talking and giggles? Or how many orgasms, the last one she realized, she had lost the count on. Not by the sheer number of it, but by the fog.
“I don’t know, I just want you again.” Sofie responded smugly and leaned back, she lifted her right hand and looked at her wristwatch. It was half past nine. Runa grabbed a strong hold around her upper stomach with both arms, and leaned her face back and up, she laughed loudly with a wide open smile. The sight of it sent shivers up her spine, and flutters in her stomach.
“How much time do we have?” She asked mid-laughter.
“Half an hour.” She replied softly and leaned in on her lips, she felt her broad hands stroke down her belly into her soaked panties.
“Let’s hurry then.” She said happily and sighed, her broad fingers started stroking in circles.
“Wow you’re so romantic.” Sofie commented with a giggle, she gripped her cheek and turned her head, kissed her back as her beating groin rose into pleasure yet again. 

Her bones ached and shivered, and her heart already beat so fast in her chest. Runa pressed their tongues together at the tips, flicking it swiftly and making it prickle. Sofie gasped and grinned by the sensation. Slowly her hand moved and melted her groin, making that wonderful bead re-awaken as the fog fell on her. Every thought evaporated when Runa moved the blanket over them to the side and gripped her nipple. She pinched it firmly but not hard, before gently massaging her breast in a soft hold. She gasped in the kiss and moved her hand back from her cheek, to her neck and curls instead. Stroked them firmly with large movements, that tingling warmth rose so fast. Runa’s hand moved faster as her own spine ignited and beamed, her breath and belly boiled within her. 

Miraculously Runa had let her in, by each time they did it they blended a little closer. How surprising it was to not doubt for a second, to love every moment of it again and again. She had forgotten in Runa’s bed, on the basement floor, in the little guest bed. And she forgot again, sitting in this computer chair. Why remember anything bad that had happened to her, when bliss, safety and pleasure was right here in the moment? Her skin had been set on fire, every part of her had heaved and shivered, her groin had melted against her fingers, it happened again on her lap. As she succumbed to it she felt blissful knowing by some miracle, that they were good at this. It couldn’t just be luck, hormones or youth, it had to be some biological destiny. A melding of souls and feelings, if anything in this world was divine, it was this. So she leaped yet again, into the fog, and pleasure, the burning of her body and soul. Nothing could ever hurt her anymore, now that she had her.

Sofie leaned her head up and away from her face, Runa moved hers down to her neck and licked it vigorously. Her movements were swift and hard, the few times she missed her clitoris she calmed down, and changed direction or height until Sofie gasped or groaned again. So quickly she had become so intuitive. Just when her spine was set on fire again, she gripped the curls in her neck and held them firmly. The bead started vibrating with hot lava as it burst, she closed her eyes and gaped high. Moaning in hard gasps while feeling her thighs and belly tightening, her ankles bent as well when she stretched them below her knees. She squirmed in the orgasm as it tingled its way around her entire pervis with light and heat, melted her anew. She moaned higher, gasped and breathed before it truly reached its height. The bead burst in white and streamed with bright ecstasy, she opened her eyes wide and screamed for about three seconds. After she moved Runa’s hand away, the second it nearly started hurting.

Just when she awakened from the fog of her desire, Runa rose from her neck heaving and smiling. Sofie laughed exhaustively, and moved her hand back to Runa’s cheek again before pecking her lips.
“Mmm Runa, you’re amazing.” She murmured between deep breaths, Runa gripped around her and laughed.
“Had enough yet?” She asked with glee and lifted her up. Every show of strength brought blushes and flutters out of her. So quickly her body trembled with warmth and tension. They fell over the bed, Runa on top.
“Never.” Sofie answered softly. Runa grinned smugly, raised her brows and nodded excitedly down at her.
“Is that so? That genetic code of yours is just gonna keep being disappointed, then.” She added and frowned her brows in her smile, Sofie chuckled silently and lifted her hand, stroked her chin with her thumb.
“You mean because we can’t actually reproduce?” She asked hurriedly, Runa nodded eagerly. 

Somehow her words coaxed the image of pearls on a string, with little creatures tied horizontally between two of them, yelling at her to make babies already. She gripped her back with both hands and closed her eyes, and laughed widely and loudly. Runa leaned forward while joy and heat spread in her torso, she started kissing her exposed throat. Lingering there with her tongue, enticing her with every passing minute. While tingling her skin with spit and softness. She huffed and bit her lower lip. Embraced her with all her limbs and groaned. Time changed in the fog, felt impossibly long and terribly short at the same time. Still her spine shot with flame and light, she groaned louder and stroked gently at the hair in the back of Runa’s head.
“Oh Runa, never let me go.” She uttered impulsively. Runa paused silently, her eyes softened bittersweetly gazing up at her.
“If only you could stay.” She responded sullenly with vast tenderness. Sofie gazed at her beautiful dark face, so strong, soft and smooth. It filled her with such warmth and longing she ached. All the moments of pleasure and glee still gleamed so brightly, as well as the countless tears of sadness and joy. Her dark lashes framed her eyes of deep ember, swallowed by warm lights from around the room. Her soft nose sniffled just once, and cute lips frowned gently. The ache burst her heart open, and she truly felt it. This moment would pass, and she’d have to leave her behind yet again. She felt her own lip tremble, pressure rose behind her eyes and had them tear up.
“Oh no I’m sorry.” Runa said hurriedly, and got up to her face and frowned. Sofie lifted her hands and stroked her shoulders and neck, she chuckled with tearful eyes. Misery had caught her a head of time, she tried to let it go, but couldn’t.
“I’m just so emotional about leaving already.” She said, trying to dismiss herself. Runa shook her head and leaned down to her face, moved her bangs to the side when her tears finally trickled down her temples, and shushed her in a whisper.
“That’s okay.” She whispered so tenderly.
“I don’t think I can do this without crying now.” Sofie added further, tried to joke it off. Runa stroked some tears away with her fingers, sighed and narrowed her eyes. She celery didn’t buy it for a second.
“Then cry, beautiful, cry for me.” She said softly, and frowned her brows firmly. The hairs stood on her forearms, and her entire chest lit up with ache and warmth. A single tear dripped from Runa’s dark lashes. Sofie grinned firmly in her sadness, and stroked her cheek back.
“I will.” She said back to her, twisted her wrist to see the time on her wristwatch, said:
“We have..” Runa gripped her hand and moved it away, she pressed it against the patchwork blanket curled beneath them both.
“No.” She said and contorted her face into a silent sob.
“I don’t want to know.” She hurriedly uttered with force, Sofie gripped both her cheeks and pressed her closer. Runa’s expression relaxed, and she smiled so sadly at her. Her beautiful face reached her and kissed her lips, she opened her mouth wide. And so, for the last time today, it began again.

-

With tears of sadness trickling down the sides of her face, they had touched each other. Runa’s tears were fewer, but made her sniffle throughout as well. Her flesh had tightened around her spine, that burning pleasure had first lit her up, then it had fallen deep into her center. She held back as best she could, until she couldn’t, and her moans roamed free out her mouth. Runa seemed to give it her all, it was clear her focus was on giving more than receiving. She seemed to relish in the sound and intensity coming from her, by now it thankfully had stopped being embarrassing.

While regaining her breath and awareness she had sobbed again, with happiness and warmth, sadness and despair she sobbed with loud gasps against her dark beautiful face. When it calmed their voices had been tender, with gentle promises and sweet words. Dotted with salty kisses, giving her the last remaining comfort and joy as it came to an end. Eventually, begrudgingly, they had to finally get up properly. 

Runa had gathered and given her a pile of their combined clothes, she wrapped them both in that patchwork blanket again and lifted her up, ran with her across the hallway into the bathroom. It had made them scream and laugh one last time together. Taking turns sitting on the toilet somehow felt both casual and intimate, though they tried to not look too closely at each other, it was tempting. Getting dressed solidified it, made these blissful hours end for real. Not having her soft body against hers made that warm mist fall, and for her normal life to return. Though the memory of it she was sure, would indeed stay with her forever.

They hurriedly ran down the stairs hand in hand, Runa held her backpack over her shoulder like it was nothing yet again. The house was quiet this evening as well, with only everchanging TV lights guiding them. They quietly opened and shut the door with the window in it, leading out to the outermost hallway. Runa put the backpack down, and gave her her deep blue winter coat. Sofie put it on and stepped into her shoes, she opened the main door and sneaked a peek outside just to make sure. The driveway though dimly lit, was completely empty. She sighed and closed it, and looked at Runa who smiled at her. In an instant she felt the pressure behind her eyes again, so she grabbed Runa firmly on each cheek and pulled her close. 

That aching and longing returned by the notion of leaving her, Runa grabbed her back in return and pushed her close. Their lips were firm and quick in their desperation, she opened wide while she pressed Runa against the wall. Runa giggled in the kiss, and circled her wet tongue with hers and quivered her spine for the last time today. The movements were quick and wide, and soothed the aching enough to make her tears dry. The day was ending, the endless time beneath the covers in her bedroom, and that guestroom had passed. She clung to it, and moved her hands back to Runa’s nape and hair, stroking it desperately. The tears loomed behind her eyelids again, she frowned her brows in both sadness and wonder. It was easier to be this with her, than anything else she had ever been before. No wonder she clung so desperately, when feeling her was so easy. She didn’t know what to do now, amidst strokes and lips, aching and warmth it was all so painful. It chipped at her insides sharply right in the chest, made her open her eyes and look at her. Multiple tears fell in chunks as she did, she observed Runa’s curved brows, her passionate expression. Her cute little nose, the movements of her cheeks and lips as she kissed her. It felt natural, like the layers had been peeled down to make herself so potently soft, she was vulnerable though also comforted vividly. She braced herself to fold the layers back again, that sharpness in her chest stirred, made her sob quietly and sniffle, she closed her eyes and tilted her head.

Runa released for just a moment and whispered:
“Oh don’t cry.” Sofie lifted her arms over her shoulder and moved them around her head, clinging to what would soon be lost. Every sensation on her skin and lips, all that emotion swirling warmly inside her, it was going to fade. She released and sighed against her lips:
“God Runa.” She complained. “It feels so wrong to leave you.” The sobs shook through her lungs, making her face contort in the sorrow. Runa lifted her hands and cupped her jaw, and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, staring at her with sympathy.
“I know, me too.” She pressed her lips against Sofie’s warm left cheek, and pecked it as if to kiss away her tears, then she moved to her right cheek and did the same. She felt them prickle more, and grinned as some heat rose to light in her chest. She was so sweet to her, even still she was surprised by her blazing kindness. After everything they’d done today, she felt so much more closer to her, and her affection had fallen deeper, swirling so near her soul it hurt. She giggled while sobbing, of course she wanted to be so near her. Whatever loneliness and pain she had felt evaporated in her presence, down to the very depth of her being. To the deepest parts of her shell where nobody else had reached. 

She leaned against her mouth, kissed her slim soft lips with vigor. Any second now she had to let go, any moment now, and this sensation making her soar would disappear. God baby , the words fell into her mind. If only you were mine already, so we’d be together even when apart. Despite it all she was still afraid to ask, the little reason remaining in this bliss stopped her. Saying it was too soon, that it’d make her feel bad if she wanted to say no. But I am yours, she whispered in her mind, it was her little secret. Knowing it felt like enough for now. Their mouths opened wide, so desperately their tongues melted together in spit and longing. She closed in on it as the moments dragged on, knowing it’d end any second.

Her mother’s car drove into the driveway and parked, they released but she was weak to her impulses and leaned in again. She pecked her hard as Runa giggled.
“Mmm Sofie, you’re so cute.” She whispered so amused and sniffled, had she been crying too? She opened her eyes and paused, pressing their noses together. Runa’s dark eyes were glossy, this time she herself had been the overly emotional one. That aching shot through her, making her tear up, she tightened her brows and frowned firmly, she shook her head against her face.
“I’m not ready..” She whimpered, Runa leaned in on her cheek again, and started pecking it repeatedly. She spoke between gentle kisses:
“You’ll be fine.. maybe you can ask your mom to.. not talk again?” Right, Mom. She felt her face contort harder, imagining sitting in that car beside her disapproving mother made the pressure grow. Runa opted to rub her cheek against hers while pressing them together with her big soft hands, and said hurriedly in a whisper:
“Shit sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you more.” Sofie lifted her hands back to Runa’s cheeks and moved her head to face her again, her own sobs had stopped, but her tears remained.
“It’s fine, just kiss me.” She added hurriedly, and leaned in quickly. In desperate starvation she felt her mouth with all her might, felt her lips and tongue prickle amidst shivering vertebrae. The last hurrah, last moment of bliss. Though quick it was wide and deep, nearly made her brainstem tingle. With an aching heart and weak knees she pulled away, forced with her will to take control of their departure. Runa’s expression was soft, and her smile was gentle. She could see a single tear trickle down her cheek.
“Wow Sofie.” She whispered in sullen wonder, before she sighed hard and cleared her throat.
“I’ll miss you, good luck.” Sofie grinned and smiled, nodded and pecked her hard one last time. Silently they pressed firmly amidst spit and tears. Then she released from her completely, and said back as she let her go:
“I’ll miss you too, see you tomorrow I promise, bye.” She opened the door beside herself, Runa grabbed her hand and held it as she walked outside. She gripped at her fingers while staring at her with great focus, despite the sad expression she smiled. Sofie grinned back at her one last time before they let go and she walked outside.
“Bye.” She heard her say back ever so gently.

Again she ran down the wooden stairs, looking back at her standing in the open door, and waved. She ran past the headlights, observed gentle snow flicker in them. She threw her backpack into the backseat, paused and straightened her back after closing the car door. Runa stood still with the door open, stared at her with soft eyes. Sofie grinned with prickling cheeks, wiped her tears away with both hands and sniffled hard, it made Runa giggle quietly. For just one more moment, she looked back at her. 

On the frontside of this little quaint house, in the darkness light lit her up in the back. While holding the doorhandle her body stood straight. Her eyes were focused, the entirety of her strong and soft face, arms and torso were so easily observed at this distance. Her chest ached to be closer, but it was time. She bent down, opened the car door and got inside.

“You shouldn’t hold her hand like that, she might get the wrong idea.” Said Lillian in a stern tone while she looked first at Runa who closed the main door, then at herself. Her pale face and brown hair was only lit up from the headlights hitting the white garage door. Her sharp face illuminated only from the side by cold light. Sofie sighed hard, and frowned her brows at her. Of course Runa’s sinful behaviour was what she saw. Yesterday she had begged her to be silent on the way home, just so her day wouldn’t get ruined by any more comments. To her surprise Lillian had accepted her request, only asking if she had a good time, which was understandable. The silence had been so relaxing.
“Mom, didn’t you see?” She asked, now with calmness blanketing her aching and anger. Her mother stared at her with no movement, she seemed unsure what she meant. Sofie grinned and lifted her bare hand, pressed it against her mother’s, still on the wheel. Lillian let go of it, she grabbed her hand firmly back, and looked down at it.
“I’m practicing, she’s helping me.” Said Sofie, Lillian started smiling with her slim lips, stared back up at her again. The blue in her irises shone gently from the side as well.
“I see.” She said in a tender tone, but then she lowered her brows and said further:
“Does she know?” Sofie shook her head and looked down.
“No I.. I’m not ready, I plan on telling her.. eventually.” She responded, Lillian let go of her hand and put it on the wheel, quickly she reversed out of the driveway and onto the road. She paused and changed gears before driving forward.

“It’s great you’re trying to get used to being touched again, but why couldn’t you do that with us? We’re your family, not her.” Her voice was just a bit angry, she almost seemed jealous, which was understandable. Sofie couldn't help but giggle at the notion, not everything could be about her homophobia. Lillian smiled gently when she laughed, looking at the road still. Getting used to being touched was an understatement. Runa had blazed through every barrier so effortlessly, touching her all the way in. With her magical hands and lips, her poor damaged brain must have relearned safety of touch. The moment the first wall fell, they all did, once she let go there was no going back. How to tell her poor judgemental mother such a revelation, or such transcendent change? How to let her know she’s back again? Was she really going to try? Though not ready for the fallout her true self would bring, she felt she had to tell her something.
“I know, but it just feels different with her, I don’t know why.” She responded as the ache of missing her grew, her nervousness coiled inside her stomach. She knew she had to tread carefully, so she sighed slowly and readied herself. Warm memories flickered in her mind, of the smell of her hair and skin, and of the feel of her kisses and soft body over her own. The ache hurt in her chest, added pressure behind her eyes but she kept it in.

“I’ve never met anyone like her before. She’s so fun, and safe. She cares about how I feel, and wants to get to know me. Around her I can relax, I’m starting to feel like myself again.” As the shore vanished in the darkness, and only moving lights, roads and houses remained; she spoke. When she was done Lillian sat still. Next to the hum of the engine she was quiet, awaiting her response pinched her nerves just a bit more, amidst the aching she wondered if she had been too generous? Had she told her mother too much? 

Lillian sighed slowly and hard, swallowed and looked over at her for just a second, her eyes were shimmering. Was she about to cry?
“That’s so great Sweetie. It seems you’re finally starting to recover, god I’m so relieved.” She said gently with a lump in her throat, and smiled widely while steering the wheel. Sofie grinned back at her, the nervousness started to untangle in her stomach.
“And I’m so happy she’s nice to you, but..” Lillian added, Sofie barred her eyes open, here it comes. The knot tightened like a quivering snake, knotting itself up again.
“By the way she looked at you I could tell she likes you. How is she gonna react when you reject her? How safe and kind is she gonna be then?” Her mother added, as fury rose in her chest, amidst the lingering ache to be with her, the sadness rose as well. Like a dense cloud around her eyes and spine. Despite the homophobia she was sure had a factor in this, she understood. 

Her mother didn’t know anything about her, apart from how strong she looked, and that she had indeed looked at her fondly from the door. She stared at her with sadness and warmth, smiled at her so tenderly. There was no denying it, how to explain away something so obvious? Runa was an expressive person to a fault. How to express she was safe, or that she herself wouldn’t reject her? Lillian might understand then, that she liked her back. Her mind wrestled with just what to say. ‘Runa wouldn’t do such a thing, she’s too good for it.’ Somehow she knew even if Runa got mad at her, that it wouldn’t put her in danger. She knew it deep in her bones. Of course she was biased, every touch between them was electric, every softness and wetness dulled her reason even now. Expressing just a smidge of it would reveal her, tears pressed in her eyes again. She looked away out the window, and saw her own face reflecting in it. Her big blue eyes, her pale face and thin nose, full lips and soft jaw. She closed her eyes, and concentrated. No she couldn’t make this about Runa, it would hurt too much. This had to be about herself, about Lillian’s poor traumatized daughter.

“I finally feel safe and happy around someone. Do you want to ruin that, over the extremely small chance she might get offended someday?” Quite the speech came from her, even though every word of it was true, she felt like a manipulator. If only she could just tell it as is, know her mother would accept her. She frowned hard still facing the window, the tears pushed forward amidst the hum of the engine. The road sounded beneath the wheels, they  turned and passed other cars with headlights. Lillian was silent once more, such terrible heartbreaking silence it was. She was the one forcing her to hold back, eventually outright lie, if she had to. Her mother was the one in the wrong, and she had to somehow pretend she wasn’t, and force herself to act as if she was a reasonable person. When clearly, she wasn’t. Why was she like this? A primary surgeon, with trauma training, she highly educated and logical. Why did she have to be so religious, so homophobic? The devil, the sin, it had no rhyme or reason, it was pure fearmongering, so obviously constructed to keep people in line. Why did she care? She was the one who had seen people from the inside, seen their biology, seen how similar everyone is, hadn’t she? The worst part was that she herself was too afraid to ask. The truth might make her feel worse. What if there was no good reason, that she chose to feel like this, and nothing could convince her otherwise? ‘I’m not going to reject her!’ She wanted to say. ‘I like her, I want her!’ 

“Alright then, I’ll leave it be.” Her mother finally responded. “Just promise to tell me if anything happens, if she ever makes you feel uncomfortable, or unsafe, or if she harms you in any way.” She continued sternly. Again her mind burned in shimmering light, showing her the countless soft touches, the questions about if she felt alright, every tender gaze, her burning eyes of fire filled her with such warmth even in her mother’s presence. The touch making her spine quiver could never hurt, that tongue making her mouth prickle could never intentionally harm her with words. She closed her eyes and smiled at her mother’s plea, if only she knew how easily she laughed around her, what bright joy she had felt being against her big soft body. Not a speck of Runa had ill intent, she knew she was biased. But even when they first looked at each other, despite Sofie absolutely not being in a good state of mind, she had seen it. Real genuine compassion. 

She couldn’t help but laugh again.
“I promise Mom, but you really don’t have to worry. I am pretty damn sure she’ll never ever hurt me.” She responded confidently, her mother laughed frantically, seemingly with frustration. She lifted her hand up from the wheel and shook it with an open palm.
“Despite everything you’ve been through, how can you still be so gullible!? You’re a teenager Sofie, you don’t know anything!” She yelled sharply as if mocking her, but that wasn’t what she was like. Sofie knew she was only stressing out. Still her words struck right where her anger had slumbered, erupted it inside her chest. It was right there , in the sentence she just spoke. Despite what I’ve been through?
“I don’t know anything, anything?! I’ve seen evil Mom! I’ve stared it in the eyes! You know this!” Her mind shot through her awareness with that being screaming in pain, prolapsing itself to avoid it. 

For just a moment she could look away from it and see human eyes staring back at her. A gaze of cold deprived pleasure, terrifying her to the point of fading away. Her spine shivered coldly amidst the anger, quickly Runa’s calm gaze of warmth contrasted it. With worry and caring, with joy and tenderness, amongst focus and pleasure it burned her right through, beyond the barrier of herself, all the way inside. Remembering it calmed the terror as it rose. It had overwhelmed her in the moment, just recalling how it felt, what it did to her. 

Though she still managed to continue:
“Not for a moment has Runa ever looked at me like that!” She screamed back, frowned her brows and opened her eyes wide. Her mother was silent, she added still with bright red anger spiking her chest. Around the softness Runa brought, it thrusted out her mouth and mind in her defence. She stared at her mother with focus and fury.
“You don’t even know how good she is, you don’t know anything about her.” After she sighed hard to get her anger out, and looked away and closed her eyes against the window. They were nearly there.
“I’ve seen evil too.” Her mother replied carefully. “And I gotta admit, at least for the few moments where she stood in the door, I didn’t see it. She seemed to like you, sure, but she seemed nice too.” Sofie sighed with relief, and let all the air out of her lungs and sank down into the car seat.
“Yes exactly.” She said and sighed relieved. However her own mother knew about such things made her wonder, Amund said she had been through a lot. She looked to the side and closed her eyes again, too tired to ask she simply accepted it.
“Though I still don’t like that she’s into you like that, it’s so disgusting. I don’t know how you can see past it.” Her mother added with such contempt, the fury rose inside her again, it spiked right through the ache and up her throat. Out her mouth it exited beyond her control:
“Mom! What is wrong with you!?” The car was about to enter the driveway, as her tears pushed out her eyes she screamed:
“Stop the car!” While staring at her with big eyes, Lillian pressed the breaks and it stopped. Sofie took off her seatbelt and opened the car door quickly, got out and slammed it hard, she opened the door behind it and grabbed her backpack.
“God you’re horrible!” She screamed before slamming that one shut as well. 

Then she ran quickly, in gentle wet snow and darkness she ran up to their oh so perfect white house on the hill. She didn’t pay much attention to the fine greco-roman columns on each side of the main door, when she shut it. Didn’t look around the big white main hallway filled with their family pictures. Yet again they felt deceiving where they hung. Through blurred vision and sniffles she had dressed off, and carried her backpack quickly up the wide wooden stairs. Just before turning towards her bedroom atop it she heard her father speak.
“Sofie? What’s wrong?” She looked into the big beautiful open plan living, kitchen and dining room. Amund sat in their dark brown leather sofa, with lights on around him he was watching TV. He got up when she looked at him, undeniably observing her tears even from this distance. Her face contorted in a silent sob, Lillian arrived downstairs and said rather quietly:
“Sofie, come on now. Let’s talk, I’m sure we can..” Sofie looked down at her, tightened her face in both fury and despair.
“No.” She shouted in a whisper. “I never want to speak to you again.” She added, by now Amund was by her side and touched her arm,he looked down at Lillian with surprise.
“Sofie Sweetie..” Her mother pleaded again, as if she was hurt too. As if she herself was in the wrong for being emotional yet again. 

The notion finally made her sobs so obvious, her tears to many not to be noticed by them both. As her insides spiked and ached she felt her knees tremble, she didn’t want to collapse here, right in front of them. So she quickly walked on into her own room, and threw her backpack on the floor.
“What did you do?” She heard Amund ask in an angry whisper. Just before closing the door he pushed himself through and shut it for her. She stepped back from him, still tears trickled down her cheeks, she felt her lower lip tremble.
“What’s going on?” He asked softly and lifted his hands. She shook her head, would he react the same? If she told him would Lillian listen through the door and know? ‘And she’s not a girl’, he had said to her in the backseat of that terrible car. Did he already know then? Or had she imagined it? Just like she had imagined her mother being a good person, even after being slapped by her. 

So she shook her head and replied with a trembling voice:
“No, I can’t. You’re gonna think so too.” He stepped closer, so she lifted her hands to match him, it felt like he was going to grab her to keep her still.
“Think what? You mean like Lillian?” He asked calmly though still he seemed quite confused. She put her hands in front of her face and sat down on her bed.
“What did she say?” He asked further, and sat down beside her. “Is it about her Christianity?” She removed her hands and placed them against the nicely made bed, nodded carefully and looked over at him. His ashy blonde hair was for once down and well kept, with sharp features and wide shoulders he sat in a plain white T-shirt and blue jeans. He grabbed her hands and held them together, it was easier not to pull a way now. His brown eyes softened in sadness, he sighed fast and hard before talking again.
“Then I promise, whatever it is, I don’t think the same way your mother does.” She focused on his expression.
“Because you’re not..” She asked, he continued for her:
“No, I don’t believe in any god. Now, what did she say?” He was calmer now, his eyes far more aware and in less surprise. She looked over at the door and whispered:
“Do you think she’s eavesdropping? I can’t if she’s listening.” She felt tears trickle down her cheeks as she said it, he frowned at her and got up quickly, and walked to the door and opened it. And there she was, standing straight with big eyes, she started whispering to him:
“I just need to know why she’s..” He pushed her forwards and closed the door behind him, as he whispered back:
“I don’t know what the hell you..” The door closed, the whispering muffled behind it. She sat alone on her bed, in her pretty baby blue room with white furniture, filled bookshelves and anything else she could want. A big fluffy carpet, a wide soft bed, all to spoil her rotten. All to make her love them. 

Amund entered again, this time with a quiet fury, and sat down beside her.
“Okay I sent her off, she promised to not eavesdrop.” He lifted his hand and touched her shoulder. She turned away from him but resisted pushing it away.
“What did she say?” She just had to ask, he sighed hard again.
“She said she expressed her opinion about her religion, and is really confused as to why you’re so sad about it. Not your anger though.” He responded softly, and sounded so disappointed, but he wasn’t surprised. She turned her head towards him again, he had lowered his head and looked down, his sharp face relaxed in a somber expression.
“So she knows then, what she said was bad?” She asked further, he nodded and looked to the side.
“Oh, she knows, not everyone agrees with her and she usually tries to keep it to herself. But sometimes it just.. comes out.” He responded in a low tone, still looking away from her. She narrowed her eyes at him, so he knows how terrible she is? Her tears had stopped, quickly her brain flooded with images of him excusing every word she said, dismissing her despair.
“How can you even be with her, when you don’t agree with her horrible views?” His gaze lifted, he started straight at her with brows tightening in frustration. But she understood, it wasn’t she herself that frustrated him.
“Because the alternative is ten times more horrible. There are really good reasons as to why she believes the way she does, and right now she’s just clinging to her religion to keep herself from falling apart.” He answered firmly, she barred her eyes open as he spoke, trying to understand made her realize; she didn’t know her own mother at all.

“What are you even talking about? Falling apart?” She asked in her confusion. He squeezed her shoulder gently, and added hurriedly:
“It’s not my place to tell you, but I want you to know that your mother is a complicated person, that none of this has anything to do with how much she loves you, or how good she is as a person.” Good? Sofie felt anger rise, lowered her brows and tightened her face in fury.
“Oh she’s good now? Even when she said on Monday that Runa is a sinner by the power of satan, and that homosexuality is a choice, that it’s disgusting and sinful? She called her a bulldyke too.” He lifted his hand from her shoulder, pressed them between his brows and lowered his head, sighed hard.
“Oh dear.” He uttered in mellow anger. Sofie continued furiously, and barred her eyes open while acting surprised:
“Or how about; after noticing her staring at me from inside the car, saying she can’t believe how I manage to look past her presumably liking me, when it’s so disgusting?” He sat still with his head down, she lifted her hands up, he looked up at her as she continued, now in a densely ironic tone:
“Yes she’s such a good and wonderful person, truly , a saint.” Waving her hands as she spoke. Amund gathered his arms and tied them in front of himself, as if he needed comfort too. He shook his head rapidly and said:
“I can’t defend her words, just know that her reasoning, that it’s.. It has nothing to do with any of us.” His expression spoke of many feelings at once, with firm brows and sad eyes, with tight lips and steep breaths, he had tried the best he could, she was sure. But it wasn’t enough. 

Finally her anger lessened, and that terrible aching grief rose from its ashes, tearing her apart from the inside out. Tears swelled in her eyes, her hands started shaking as she tied her fists against the duvet.
“Well now it has something to do with me. I can’t just write her off like you can. When she finds out that her own daughter is a sinner, well..” Sorrow ripped her throat apart, and spiked deep in her chest. She felt like laying down on that fluffy carpet again, bawling her eyes out. Bbut instead she paused before sobbing and looked to the side, and closed her eyes while quiet tears fell.
“Oooh noo, Sofie..” He said tenderly in a long sullen tone, she felt him attempting to stroke her arm. But she opened her eyes and stood up, and walked away from him.
“No it won’t help.” She said firmly in a loud whisper. “I just want her.” Her voice broke completely apart, her knees weakened and she fell down, leaned over them. Loud long sobs exited her mouth in groans and shakes, she put her slim pesky arms around herself and tried to imagine it was Runa’s. But it wasn’t, the notion made the ache pierce deep inside her, had her lift her head still with closed eyes, and sob louder. She felt her father’s hand stroke her back, it burned like needles through her spine going into her brain, making her shutter.
“No, don’t!” She screamed, opened her eyes and saw him beside her. He withdrew quickly with wide eyes.
“It won’t make a difference, you can’t do anything! Only she can, only..” She added further, still sobbing with blurred vision. Her aching guts continued pushing out her chest and face, it was true, nothing could be done. 

If her mother’s morals were detrimental to her well-being, then was all lost? Was it inherently selfish and bad to ever demand she’d change, if it could break her? Being unloved and disliked would only be part of the course either way. She’d find out one day, it could have been better if she did years from now. But here they were, now her life had changed. Was there no helping it? What would she say then? ‘I hate people like you! You deserve to burn in hell! My daughter isn’t a lesbian!’ The words screamed in her aching mind, burned the spear in her chest so hot, it actually physically hurt again. This time more than ever.
“God! Mom’s gonna hate me!” She groaned loudly.
“No she won’t, she loves you.” He said back, the sadness in his voice helped her calm down enough not to be loud. Her sobs continued deeply in her breaths, more quietly she responded:
“I can’t stay away from her Dad.” She groaned. “I like her too much, oh god, I can’t leave her now. We just started.. getting to know each other. I promised her, I can’t just..” She sniffled and sobbed in whispers.
“.. And even if I did, I’d still be who I am, I’d still upset Mom eventually. Am I supposed to lie for the rest of her life?” She sat up and pressed her hands against her face, lifting her head up groaning in frustration.
“No, of course not.” Amund answered carefully.
“Finally I meet someone and I can’t be with her?” She asked and wiped her tears with all her fingers, before she sighed hard and finally calmed down.
“Yes you can, we just gotta.. find a way to ease her into it.” He responded and nodded, seeming to be on her side somehow. The notion was comforting.
“What’s gonna happen then, when she finds out?” She asked exhaustively, found her father’s hand and grabbed it carefully. He sat as close to her as he possibly could, without touching her, she looked to the side and gazed at him again. His eyes were filled with tears, his expression tight in somberness, yet his brows were low, in anger and despair. The last time she grew silent like that, was at the hospital. Just a glimmer of a memory seeped from the veil, of him standing beside her with wide glossy eyes, a quiet fright gave him an empty stare. She frowned and sighed, he must be feeling pretty awful then. 

He cleared his throat, blinked away a few tears and straightened his back, so did she. Her head started beating with mild pain and exhaustion. Amund had paused in silence, he had frowned his dark blonde brows and looked to the side, he seemed to hold back for some reason.
“Please, I need to know.” She added further, now calm and more collected. Amund sighed steeply, and gazed at her again with relaxed brows.
“Well… She might disappear, not be herself for a while, or be institutionalized. The severity of it is hard to predict.” He finally answered, she nodded and lifted her hand against her forehead, and sighed steeply and hard again before sniffling. What the hell was wrong with her? Some insanely difficult mental illness? The worst one she had heard of was schizophrenia, was it something like that?
“Jesus christ.” She whispered. 

Her mind fell back to her and Runa’s conversation Monday evening. How hopeful Runa had made her, their plans for her to talk Runa up, the idea to harness her mother’s love in some way. It felt so naive, so ridiculous now. She leaned her head back and started laughing frantically. Tears gathered in her eyes as she did, Amund looked at her with big surprised eyes. She wasn’t the most damaged one anymore. I was right! It had all been a facade, just not for me, but for her. Amidst her crying and laughter she remembered that slap, without understanding it she had seen Lillian act in an odd way, swaying at a standstill with wide eyes. Psychosis? If it happened again, what would happen to Olai? Would he see something too? Be burdened by yet another mentally ill family member? All so she could be with a girl?
“Oh my god, how am I supposed to keep seeing her, and not break her?” She whimpered. 

Again the countless strokes of her hands gleamed so brightly in her mind. All the sweet sensations of her lips and fingers, and those eyes of fire staring at her with tenderness and passion, all made her mind and chest burst with bliss and ache. Her heart broke apart just by the thought of never feeling her embrace again, never hearing her laugh or talking to her for the last time. She frowned her brows, while still tearful she looked down, and felt her mind flail desperately for a solution. She could tell her mother and get it over with, or avoid Runa forever. Her face contorted in a silent sob by the mere thought, she looked to the side. Just the possibility of it gave her chest terribly aching grief. It shot deep inside and actually physically hurt her along her belly, breath and heart. She sighed hard, and let the scenario go as quickly as it had arrived. I actually do need her already. So, she corrected the direction of her thought: Never invite Runa over, but still see her at her place. Avoiding her own mother at all costs, until, what? She went back again, and tried to see a way out, in every scenario it ended with her mother breaking down somehow, smacking Olai across the face and going nuts, screaming and crying. Or how exactly would she react? 

She lifted her fingers to her mouth and gasped silently, Amund moved his hand to her back and stroked it gently. It didn’t feel terrible, but helped her shoulders relax instead. She looked over at him, his eyes were still tearful and sad, but he smiled sweetly and said so calmly:
“It’s not your responsibility to keep your mother from losing herself. Nor your burden to bear. You should be with Runa, your happiness is just as important, and your recovery is worth it all. I’m gonna figure something out, ease her into it somehow.” She grinned and looked down, maybe there was something he could do after all?
“She might not react as strongly as you fear, but until then I want you to keep seeing Runa. I can already see you’re getting better. I have no idea what she’s doing, but my god Sofie, don’t let your mother ruin it.” He continued, she leaned backwards and giggled while she sniffled, and nodded to him.
“Already? I’ve barely been home, how can you even tell?” She asked amused.
“Right now I see that you express yourself more, maybe you even feel more.” He lifted his hand, their eyes met as he stroked her cheek. Amidst his tears a warm gaze brown stared back at her, he smiled and frowned his brows firmly in a bittersweet expression.
“You’re withdrawing less, and your eyes just look more.. lively.” He said softly in a light happy tone. She grinned as her cheeks prickled, and looked down to the side.
“You should see her eyes.” She commented carefully. “They’re so lively and expressive and kind.” He nodded and asked a bit louder:
“Yeah?” She looked up at him and nodded, smiled and blushed a bit hotter. This time when talking about her, she could actually be honest. Though she didn’t want to tell him everything. 

Quickly she stood up from the white fluffy carpet, Amund let go of her, she sat down on her bed again and he followed.
“She..” Said Sofie, but paused. How to describe that wonderful feeling? When Runa had pressed her down on that little bed, pulled the patchwork blanket and duvet over herself and laid down on top of her. That pressure and warmth, complete and utter safety and bliss. How their bodies had felt while naked and moist, pressed together underneath the covers of her bed. All that moisture had covered her like water, after blazing pleasure it had burrowed her bliss deep to her bones, calming something primal inside her indefinitely. It had been the most serene moment of her young life.

“You know when it’s cold out and you go straight into the jacuzzi?” He nodded and smiled. “She’s kind of like that. But instead of laying down in it, she’s more like warm weighted water folding over me, capable of shielding me from anything.” She continued somewhat hesitantly, and felt her chest grow lighter. Finally she could say exactly how she felt. Amund grabbed both of her hands, and held them firmly.
“That’s quite the description.” He commented and chuckled lightly. Sofie nodded and grinned, and looked down still with prickling cheeks.
“Yeah, sorry.” The metaphor didn’t do her justice. A wide warmth so firm and soft at the same time, shielding her from all the pain in the world, soothing the terror within. Her touch had been so thrilling and magical, making her body tingle beneath her skin. Those amber eyes had been glowing in her gaze, staring straight into her yearning soul. She couldn't tell him exactly that. But maybe she could be more specific, about the things he would see if they met? 

She breathed in hard and started talking while looking at him:
“She’s strong and broad, but also soft and warm. Her skin and eyes are brown, her hair is dark, short, and curly.” He smiled and nodded, listened quietly, though the moment she paused he said hurriedly:
“Oh wow, she really is the polar opposite of you, looks wise.” She giggled for just a moment, nodded and sighed. That was true, though she hadn’t thought about it until now, it was amusing. For the first time she couldn’t help but wonder how Runa and him would get along? Both expressive and enthusiastic in their demeanors, it could go well. Her mind glimmered with fresh memories of her being so close, laughing with soft eyes. She felt her lungs and belly heat up, looked down again and continued:
“She was born in Streamisle, and her birth-mother was abusive, she was taken away as a child and moved around in the fostercare system. Apparently having a terrible time both in school and at home wherever she went. Though her parents now are really good, but even still, school has been horrible, she’s an easy target, and has ADHD.” Amund frowned gently with his slim lips, lowered his brows in gentle sympathy. She stared up at him carefully.
“Despite all that, she’s so kind and considerate. She’s funny and energetic, expressive and genuine, kind of like you.” He chuckled silently and nodded, patted her hands with his.
“That’s pretty common actually.” He commented warmly, she leaned her head back and giggled, felt her cheeks prickle so hot like static. She knew what he meant, had heard girls pick boyfriends like their fathers. Even if it was true she hadn’t foreseen it happening to her as well.

“Is it?” She asked amused, he laughed along with her.
“Oh yes,” He answered. “We like what’s familiar, especially from childhood.” He added, shook his head and said further:
“Don’t mind me, go on.” She sighed hard, nodded and sank her head down. Her gaze lowered, looking out her pretty baby blue bedroom.
“Okay so, don’t tell Mom, but she doesn’t go to Gardencity school, but that little one above it, called GC2. You know, because of her learning difficulties? But she is actually really smart, she’s curious, catches on quickly and is so creative. I think that’s why she’s so funny, whenever you meet her you’ll think so too, I’m sure.” He leaned his head back and started yawning, let go of her hands and lifted one of them up to his mouth.
“Oh god.” He said right after. “I’m sure I will. But maybe you can tell me more about her tomorrow?” She grinned and yawned right after him, and nodded as her eyes teared up with tiredness. Amund sighed hard and grabbed her hands again, and nodded firmly to her.
“But listen.” He said quickly. “I want you to know, with your mother, that..” He sighed again, gathered his lips and blew out through them, and looked to the side. His brown eyes concentrated, she observed him closely.
“Remember before, when you and her were so close?” He looked back at her, quickly her mind flooded with warm memories. 

Gentle and happy, like a dream with blooming sun and echoes. Of being lifted up by her and cuddled, how big her hands were against her own. She had been so tall and wide like a being of clarity and comfort. Playing and laughter, being read to every evening. Falling down a hill, loosing her milktooth. Lillian comforting her, holding her, and drying her tears while reminding her about the tooth fairy. At the altar with her parents, there was a reason she was so happy. Words sprung forth from the echoes of time, smudged on the veil of lost innocence. ‘Mommy is sad, but that’s okay. You haven’t done anything wrong, sometimes Mommies are sad. It’s a part of growing up.’ Holding her hand down the road in summer, the memories grew more unclear. Delivering mail to Grandma Mona, Lillian had lifted her up so she could put the letter into a bright red mailbox. Staying with her grandma for months, asking again and again where Mommy is? That sharp pain her mother had given her erupted in her chest, around it her heart burst with that strong familial love. The kind existing inside those bright happy moments in her life, but this time it hurt. She frowned and tightened her brows. Tears trickled down her cheeks, she sniffled and smiled, nodded and looked down. Amund continued tenderly:
“That kind and caring woman that raised you, that’s your real mother. The true her, not.. her sickness. Just know her love for you has saved her more than once. No matter the reaction, I know she wants you to be happy. For you she’d do anything, even if it’s hard for her, I know it.” Maybe it wasn’t wrong to think a mother’s love was vast? That it was the solution? Somehow in this moment, she remembered the plates. Hers and Runa’s conversation last Sunday night. She had never thought of it before, but exactly how bright and beautiful were the prints given from her, to her mother? Had Lillian’s plate been scraped up too? She wanted to know more, but Amund held back. To respect her privacy? Why hadn’t anyone told her anything, until now?

“So, let’s see if we can give her some time to adjust? I’ll do what I can, ask her to let her.. skepticism lie, for your sake. So try to relax, I’m sure that eventually it’ll end well.” He said softly, let go of her hands and cupped her jaw. She stared at him with blurred vision, and nodded.
“So you actually don’t care that I’m into girls?” She just had to ask, though it came out in whimpers. He leaned his head back, a wide sharp smile opened. His white teeth had a small space in the front, and he laughed properly, as if it was a stupid question.
“After what you’ve been through? I’m just glad you feel safe around someone again.” He smiled widely.
“As long as you’re safe and happy, I don’t care. I love you no matter what.” He continued, Sofie grinned and looked down, she nodded with warmth in her chest. She felt her neck unclench, a pressure excited her incoming sigh, her sight blurred more. He grinned in a firm expression, and held her head gently.
“I love you too.” She added and looked up at him. Slowly his smile faded, and his dark eyes focused. He squeezed her cheeks together between his long pale hands.
“If anything happens with her you’re uncomfortable with, and she doesn’t listen; you call me and I’ll get you right away.” Now she was the one finding his words amusing, so she giggled with teary eyes and an emerging warmth around her spine and cheeks, and sniffled a few more times.
“Okay, but I don’t think you have to worry. She’s so respectful and considerate.” She responded quickly, he nodded and let go of her face.
“Good.” He said as if gasping just once, sighed hard and lowered his head, then with tired movements he got up from her bed.
“And we want you home by dinner tomorrow, it’s just easier that way.” He ended it with.
“Yeah Mom already told me yesterday.” She answered, looked to the side and frowned her brows. Remembering what Runa said in front of the fireplace made tears press behind her eyes again, though she didn’t cry. Tomorrow was going to be hard on herself as well. 

Quickly she turned her head towards him, he was already on his way across the room.
“Dad?” Even still, a pressure in her chest that had lingered since Monday had lifted. Even if her mother disapproved, she had him. He stopped, and put his hands into his blue jeans pockets.
“Hm?” His lean frame, ashy blonde short hair and sharp face all so familiar, it wasn’t his looks that reminded him of Runa.
“Thank you.” She said lastly, he grinned and nodded.
“Well of course, and sleep well, little one.” She nodded and looked down.
“Yeah, you too.” She said back, after he quickly exited her room and she sat alone. The emptiness in the silence already felt so vast, it hurt her chest. To sit in it felt nearly tortuous, now being so far away from Runa’s glorious warmth and beauty.

Quickly she got up and opened the door, and went into the bathroom to pee and brush her hair and teeth. She was tempted to call her, to tell her everything. But knowing just how worried she had been, about being left behind because of her mother’s disapproval. It didn’t feel right to truly make her worry, to make her suffer even more than she already had. She decided to not burden her, at least not right now.

-

Beneath the covers their countless kisses flickered in her mind, she got the yearning sensation of her strong body pressing behind her own, against her back. Of her wide firm arms wrapping around her from behind, holding her body still while her chest ached. She teared up in the darkness, and frowned her brows and lips, longing for the feel of her skin. Her memories hurt as much as it made her happy, the thought of leaving it behind was unthinkable. She was indeed worth it all, whatever would happen; she got the burning feeling what they had was special. To let it go was a loss beyond her youthful comprehension, she was sure. She knew it deep in her bones, that them together was right and true. The force between them deserved to exist, even when they were apart like this. That being of light merging them together was a work of art. Every time they laughed, touched, spoke and gasped together, they got a little closer to that light. It was a being worthy on its own merit, and her mother had no right in coming between it.

As her mind faded to sleep, she saw those eyes one last time. Surrounded by her smooth brown skin, framed by black lashes, and pupils burning in orange, lighting the way to her salvation. It wasn’t a force she would run after but not quite reach anymore, it was here , within her. In her dream she existed in peace, in warm water and calm waves. Nearly away from actually dreaming, she felt the ache still. Of her touch, her voice, the look of her loomed even when sleeping. She relished in it, missing her abstractly. It was indeed a gift from the cosmos, from the eternal sea, from the proteins that formed her genes, down to the force of evolution and beyond. Swirling within her atoms that force of life and light guided her closer. It truly was the greatest gift of all.