Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last year had been - to put it mildly - rough for Eddie. The situation with Kim. Losing Christopher. Leaving his job in LA to move back to Texas and reconnect with his son. Having to say goodbye to Buck and his family at the 118. He wasn’t a believer, he had lost his faith years ago, but it almost felt like retribution; that some cruel divine being thought he deserved to suffer and was doing everything in its power to knock him down and keep him there. 

His arrival in Texas hadn’t been well received, which was expected, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. He hadn’t told anyone he was planning on moving (well technically, he was just renting the place until he knew for sure if Chris would be willing to come home or if he would be staying in El Paso), and his parents were not happy that he made such a big life decision without consulting them first, and that he wasn’t thinking about Christopher with his decision. But that wasn’t true, because all Eddie did was think about Christopher. For years, Eddie had put his life on pause, had constantly sacrificed his own happiness in the name of protecting Christopher and doing what was best for him. 

Going to Texas to get Christopher back had been Eddie putting himself first, for possibly the first time in his life since Chris was born. Sure, he had to sacrifice so much to be there, but - thanks to an awkward Confession and an even more awkward conversation with the priest afterwards - he finally believed that he deserved to be happy, and he would do anything in his power to get himself there. So, he went to Texas. 

Working through everything with his family felt like being flayed alive. After weeks of badgering and arguments, he had miraculously gotten them to agree to family therapy sessions: Eddie with his parents, and him on his own with Christopher (with Chris giving him the condition that he attend therapy by himself as well). It was as good of an olive branch that he was going to get; Chris had been refusing to say more than a sentence or two to him for weeks, so he wasn’t about to refuse the first breakthrough they’d had since he made it to El Paso.

It was a slow, painful journey for him and his family. From addressing his childhood trauma and accompanying catholic guilt, to Afghanistan and the other near-death experiences he faced in LA, and the most important issue of all: Shannon’s death and him blowing up his life (and his son’s life) over his unprocessed grief. 

A day didn’t go by where his eyes remained dry and he didn’t feel like he had just been put through a wringer, but as months passed he began to feel himself truly processing his emotions and moving forward. His relationship with his parents was still rocky - he would never forgive them for taking his son away from him - but it was healing to get closure. Chris began talking to him again, and even agreed to return to LA with him at the end of the semester so he could spend Christmas at home with him and their family from the 118. Eddie had been putting so much pressure on himself with everything that went wrong in the past year, and earning Chris’ forgiveness was like a massive weight falling off his shoulders.

His therapy sessions on his own had also led to another revelation: he was gay. He was gay and undoubtedly, extremely, and unequivocally in love with Buck. When his therapist kindley guided him through his feelings for him, he nearly had a panic attack over it, reprocessing everything he thought he ever knew about his and Buck’s relationship as best friends. As he processed and recontextualized years of friendship, his shock had diminished into acceptance. Truly, how had he not realized earlier? Sure, he hadn’t known he was gay - years of repression and catholic guilt will do that to a guy - but looking back it seemed obvious that this was always where he would end up: in love with Buck.

Buck, who was his first real friend in LA. Buck, who from the start treated Christopher as if he was his own. Buck, who would do anything for him and, in turn, he would do anything for. He had never felt such a strong connection with anyone in his life, not even with Shannon, and it was terrifying and exhilarating and new.

Telling Chris about his little revelation had been a whole other ordeal; he was terrified to share his newly-realized feelings with Chris, but since he was still working to earn Chris’ trust back, they couldn’t move forward if Eddie wasn’t honest with him. Coming out to Chris had been hard, but necessary. There was a lot of crying involved, but Chris was supportive and even pushed him to ask Buck out properly (apparently he had been watching them pine over each other for years and it was getting tiring) and Eddie considered what his son said to heart.

And consider it he did. For weeks as he made arrangements for him and Chris to return to LA, his mind was occupied with thoughts of Buck. Buck was his best friend, and they had been through so much together, but he worried that confessing his feelings would ruin things between them. Realistically, he knew there was a slim chance that he would be rejected - Chris had made some good points about it during their conversation - but he was terrified of altering their relationship forever and potentially losing Buck because of it. Losing Shannon had been one thing (and they all knew how he took that loss), but losing Buck would break him. 

He also had to consider Chris. Despite Chris urging him to pursue Buck, he knew this would alter their relationship forever too. Christopher already lost one parent, he shouldn’t have to lose another - because Eddie could admit that Buck was his other parent - if things went badly between them. 

As they packed up his rental, said goodbye to his parents, and drove all the way back to LA (back to Buck), Eddie’s thoughts raced. By the time they were pulling into the driveway at 4995 South Bedford St., Eddie had still been undecided on what to do about Buck. Buck, expecting their arrival, was waiting on the front porch and when he met Eddie’s eyes he had the most beautiful smile on his face that Eddie had ever seen. It was at that moment that Eddie knew he was willing to risk it all for the man. 

Before Chris could make it one step away from the car, Buck was turning away from Eddie and racing forward to pull Chris into a massive bear hug. It was the first time they had seen each other in almost a year, and Eddie felt tears spring to his eyes as he watched his best friend - the love of his life - and his son together again. 

Chris eventually groaned - the teen no longer willing to accept their affection so easily - and pulled away to begin unpacking. As Chris stepped away to grab his bags, Buck turned to face him and Eddie stood there hesitantly. It had been months since he’d seen Buck in person as well (of course, it wasn’t as long as it had been for Chris), and he was unsure of what to say to him after everything.

“I love you,” he blurted out, clearly not in control of his brain-to-mouth filter. He froze, eyes wide at his own admission. He stared at Buck whose eyes were just as wide, a mirror image of his own.

“Eddie, what?” Buck asked in disbelief. He didn’t seem disgusted or horrified, like Eddie had feared, just confused and - Eddie wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not - a little hopeful. 

Eddie looked at him, Buck staring back at him. Eddie wanted Buck so badly he felt it in every fiber of his being. The repression and what his parents might think of him had been holding him back for so long, but he was done doing things to make others happy. Eddie had wasted too many years doing things to please Chris and his parents, and he decided he didn’t want to wait any longer for his chance at happiness.

“Oh, fuck it,” he said, and suddenly he was racing towards Buck, pulling him into a long-overdue kiss. As Eddie kissed him, Buck was frozen in shock, and Eddie feared he had misinterpreted the situation. He began to pull away when Buck let out a whimper (and God, what a beautiful noise that was, Eddie wanted to hear that everyday for the rest of his life), suddenly gripping Eddie tight and pulling him closer to deepen their kiss. It was nothing too filthy - Eddie distantly aware that Chris was lingering nearby - but that didn’t make it any less passionate. It felt safe and soothing and right . It felt like coming home.

Pulling away slowly, Eddie couldn’t bring himself to separate completely from Buck. Resting his forehead against Buck’s, he let himself breathe, eyes still closed and just taking in the moment. Eventually he opened his eyes, meeting Buck’s beautiful blue ones, and suddenly they were both bursting into laughter, pure joy radiating from the both of them. Eddie could have lived in that moment forever.

Unfortunately, fate would not be so kind to him. He heard a sigh come from nearby and they both turned to look to see Chris watching them both intently.

“It’s about time you two figured your shit out,” he said, and honestly, Eddie was too happy to scold him for swearing. Chris was trying to give off an air of annoyance, but Eddie could see his eyes shining, revealing his true feelings about the situation. Suddenly, though, his face shifted more towards disgust. “Ugh, you two are gonna be super gross from now on, aren’t you? Just please try and keep it PG around me, I already have enough trauma to last me a lifetime, I don’t need any more,” and with that he stalked off towards the house, bag in tow. Buck and Eddie stared at each other in stunned silence, before again bursting into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

For the first time in his life, Eddie felt at peace. It had taken a while to get there, but he could finally say that he was happy with his life, maybe for the first time ever. As they all sat together on the (freshly unpacked) couch that night, Eddie felt true happiness coursing through his veins. His child was back where he belonged. He got to be back in LA with his family from the 118. He got to be with Buck, the love of his life. 

As they sat there watching a movie, Chris cuddled up on one side of him and Buck on the other, he could finally look forward to the future rather than getting hung up in the past. With Chris and Buck by his side, he couldn’t wait to explore their relationship as a family, and move on together towards the rest of their lives.

Chapter Text

Buck was so nervous he felt like he was going to throw up. He had told Eddie he would pick him up for their date at seven o’clock sharp and he knew Eddie would worry if he was late, yet he couldn’t seem to stop his thoughts from spiraling about everything that could go wrong tonight. 

It had been just three days ago that Eddie was kissing him on the front porch, turning all of Buck’s fantasies into reality. It had felt like a dream; he had been in love with Eddie for longer than he himself knew - Maddie finally talking some sense into him when he began self-destructing after Eddie left for Texas - but he had steadfastly refused to believe that Eddie could ever return his feelings. It truly seemed too good to be true, but as they sat on the couch together that night, he sank into Eddie’s embrace and finally allowed himself to imagine a future for them together. 

Buck’s heart was singing with joy now that his Diaz boys were back where they both belonged. While Chris insisted he was far too old to be tucked in anymore, he reluctantly allowed both Buck and Eddie to give him a kiss on the forehead before shutting himself away in his room. It had been a long day of unpacking, and Buck and Eddie were both tired as well, but they both found themselves slipping back into their old routine; no words were needed as Eddie grabbed beers from the fridge before they reconvened on the couch. They had been cuddled up together before, but now they settled back in their designated spots on either side of the couch.

They clinked their beers together, slowly drinking as silence washed over them. It wasn’t awkward, but there were definitely a lot of unspoken things between them after all the revelations from earlier that needed to be addressed. Buck didn’t know where to start, but thankfully Eddie was brave enough to make that decision for him.

Eddie cleared his throat, “I’m gay.”

“Thank you for telling me, Eddie.” Buck had already known (well, he clued in that Eddie was some form of not-straight after their kiss earlier), but he couldn’t help how his eyes lit up at the admission. He had seen Eddie struggle with his relationships in the past, fighting what he wanted compared to what he should want or what was expected of him, and he couldn’t be prouder that Eddie was finally beginning to figure himself out and live authentically. “I’m so happy for you, Eddie, I mean it.”

“Thanks, Buck,” Eddie looked bashful in return, cheeks turning pink at the compliment. “You’re the first person I’ve told, aside from Christopher and my therapist, but you needed to know because I’m in love with you, and I want to be with you, and in order to do that I need to be honest with you and myself.” 

Buck felt his heart pick up as Eddie told him he loved him, giddy at the sensation. It hadn’t been long, but he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing Eddie say that.

“Anyway, I know I kind of jumped the gun by kissing you out of nowhere earlier,” Eddie said, again looking sheepish, “But if you want this too - want me too - then I want to do this right.”

“Eddie, are you kidding me? Of course I want to be with you!” It seemed absurd now, to imagine a future where Buck and Eddie never became Buck-and-Eddie: always together. “I kissed you back, didn’t I?”

“I mean, I almost thought you wouldn’t for a second there man,” Buck wrinkled his name at the phrase. If he and Eddie were going to be together they were not going to be calling each other “man” or “bro” ever again if he had a say in the matter. “You did kinda freeze up on me there.”

“Of course I froze,” Buck scoffed, petulantly. “I didn’t even know that you liked men, let alone that you liked me specifically, so of course it took me a second to process the situation.” It was Buck’s turn to look bashful. “Eddie, you’re it for me, alright? I’m in this till the end: we have all the time in the world to figure this out.”

“I love you, and I know you love me, but I need to take this slow, if that’s alright with you?” Eddie looked hesitant, and Buck hated anyone who ever made him feel like he couldn’t ever ask for - couldn’t ever have - what he wanted. “I need us to do this properly, take our time, not only for ourselves, but for Chris’ sake as well. Plus, it’s my first time with a man, and while it is freeing and exciting, I’m also a little bit terrified of this, of losing you.”

Buck felt his heart melt at the words. “Of course, Eddie. Like I said, I’m in this for the long haul. Anything I can do to help you or make this easier for you, just let me know. I’ll always be here for you, no matter how this thing between us goes,” his eyes went wide at the implication of his words, “not that I’m planning on things ending in a disaster or anything, but I need you to know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

Eddie chuckled, followed by a long sigh of relief at his reassurance. Buck can’t imagine the emotional rollercoaster Eddie had gone through in the past year to get to this point, but he knew he would do anything to make Eddie feel as comfortable in his own skin and their relationship as possible. 

“Well, since we’re doing this properly,” Buck cleared his throat, grabbing Eddie’s free hand with his,“Edmundo Diaz, will you go on a date with me?”

Eddie blushed fiercely, and Buck was giddy with it. Eddie looked beautiful like this, flushed and shy, and Buck was determined to memorize this moment forever.

Eddie, always in sync with Buck, joined in playfully, “You gonna wine and dine me, Buckley?”

“Absolutely!” Buck couldn’t contain his excitement “Just you wait, Diaz, I’m going to sweep you off your feet! Saturday, you and me, seven o’clock sharp. Wear something nice.” 

“It’s a date!” 

Buck had acted confident when he had asked Eddie out, but his relationship with Eddie was the most important relationship of his life, and the pressure he felt to make the night perfect was causing him to fill with nerves. Hell, he couldn’t even go to Maddie with his worries; they had promised to keep their relationship a secret while they figured it all out, so he was all on his own. He hadn’t seen Eddie since that night, giving him and Chris some time to settle back in together just the two of them, and he had spent that time apart pining over Eddie and planning the perfect date. 

He exhaled shakily, giving himself one last pep-talk before grabbing his things and finally stepping out of the car. His hands were shaking as he knocked on the door. The door swung open quickly, as if Eddie had been waiting on the other side of the door, and Buck’s breath was taken away as he laid eyes on his best friend (boyfriend? Partner? They hadn’t exactly discussed a title for this yet…) who was dressed sharply in a suit Buck recognized from their poker night years ago.

“Hi,” Buck said shyly, still eying Eddie, “You look amazing!”

“Thanks Buck, you too.” Eddie stopped there. They stood there in the doorway in silence, staring at each other. 

Shit, he thought. He hadn’t thought about how he should greet Eddie. It is technically their first date, so a hug would be okay, right? But they had already kissed, so was Eddie expecting Buck to kiss him? Buck began to sweat, cursing at himself for not thinking ahead. 

Doing what he could to control the situation, he presented the flowers he brought for Eddie. “These are for you,” he blurted out, thankful for the excuse to move the conversation forward.

That seemed to get Eddie to unfreeze as well. “Flowers?” he asked, cheeks turning pink. Eddie reached out hesitantly to grab the bouquet from Buck, bringing them up to his nose. “I’ve never been given flowers before; I guess it was always assumed I’d be buying them for my partners since I was the man in the relationship . . .” he trailed off in thought.

Buck melted at his words, internally vowing to buy Eddie as many flowers as he wanted for as long as they lived. Buck knew that from a young age Eddie was expected to “be a man” and “be the provider” and it broke his heart to think that no one had ever really tried to take care of him in return. If Buck had his way, Eddie would never have to lift a finger ever again; it would be a privilege and his honor to spoil Eddie for the rest of their lives. 

“Let me go put these in a vase, then we can head out,” Eddie quickly moved inside, disappearing for a minute before returning shortly with only his keys and wallet in hand. Locking the door behind him, they made their way over to Buck’s jeep. Thinking fast, Buck quickly ran to the passenger side to open the door for Eddie, causing a bright flush to cover Eddie’s face once more. 

As Buck hopped in the driver’s seat, he quickly pulled up the GPS and a Spotify playlist for the drive before reversing out of the driveway. They chatted lightly as he drove, catching up after not seeing each other for a few days. It felt normal, like any of their other hangouts, and the thought had Buck relaxing into his seat, already feeling more confident about the night ahead. The drive wasn’t long, and soon they were pulling up in front of a fancy Italian restaurant that Buck had been eager to try but hadn’t previously had any excuse to go to.

Buck quickly jumped out of the jeep, rushing to hold Eddie’s door open for him once again, causing Eddie to laugh lightly at his antics. They made their way into the restaurant where Buck told the hostess he had a reservation before they were led back to a table for two tucked away into the corner.

Buck praised himself for his choice of restaurant. The main dining room was beautiful: all dark wood and classy red upholstery and decorations. It must be a popular date spot in LA because every table had its own centerpiece of flowers and candle lights that set the mood. It was fancy and romantic, yet not so upscale that it would break the bank to dine there again if they so choose. 

As they approached their table, Buck sped ahead, pulling out Eddie’s chair for him. “What a gentlemen,” Eddie teased back lightly, although Buck could tell he was pleased thanks to the pink flush spreading across his face.

“Well, I did say I’d wine and dine you,” Buck sent him a flirty wink back before taking his own seat.

They looked over the menu, pointing out anything that looked interesting and appetizers that they could share. They were able to quickly flag down their waiter to place their order, but then they were left on their own.

Silence crept over the table, and Buck’s nerves began to return. What were they even supposed to talk about? They already knew each other extremely well, so while it was technically their first date, none of the get-to-know-you questions were necessary. And yes, they knew each other so well, and they both knew vaguely what the other wanted out of a relationship, but would it be too soon to discuss the idea of marriage or kids? He began to overthink, mind running away from him. 

Before he could fall into a complete spiral, a light nudge against his leg broke him from his thoughts. He refocused to see Eddie staring back at him with a fond smile on his face. 

“I could see the gears turning in your head. What were you thinking about?”

“Uh, just you and me in general. Like this is our first date, right, but we already know each other so well that we don’t really need to do the awkward small talk phase.” Suddenly nervous about Eddie’s reaction, he felt himself get quiet, “But is it too soon to discuss our future? You know I’ve always wanted kids, so would you want more with me? And what about marriage? I want everything with you, the bachelor’s parties, a big ceremony, the works, but I don’t even know if you want that with me, especially after everything with Shannon. And what about-”

“Whoa, hey! Buck, just breathe for a second please,” Eddie said, reaching across the table to grab onto one of Buck’s hands. He instantly began rubbing his thumb along the back of his hand, soothing Buck down. “While I do think it is important to discuss all of this early on, we don’t have to worry about all that tonight. We’ve been apart for a while - I only just got back - and we just took a huge step forward in our relationship, it’s ok to take our time with the rest. I promise, nothing you could want or say would scare me away from you.”

Buck let out a huge sigh of relief. He trusted Eddie with his life, so if he said Buck had nothing to worry about when discussing their future then he would try his best to believe him. Sure, his self doubt would always be there - Buck was used to being too much in his past relationships which fucked with his head for a while - but he would do his best to acknowledge it and work through it with Eddie instead of ignoring it and causing him to spiral. 

“And besides,” Eddie continued, “without getting into it too much right now I will tell you this; I do want all of that with you. Kids, marriage, everything. You’re it for me.”

Buck felt his face turning pink, yet he couldn’t help but beam back at Eddie, his smile so big that it hurt his cheeks. For years now, Eddie had been his person, and it filled Buck with so much warmth to realize that Eddie had chosen him back.

With his nerves addressed and all the heavy topics officially covered, Buck found the rest of dinner flying by. Truly their date didn’t feel much different from any other time they’d been out for dinner together (sans the fancy setting), yet it was the acknowledgment of their romantic feelings for each other that made the night special. They bantered back and forth, shared each other’s food, yet the underlying romantic tension between them sent a spark through Buck that made him feel more alive than he had in months since Eddie had left. As they wrapped up their meal, he thought that he could do this with Eddie for the rest of their lives, and it would be easy.

* * * 

Not wanting to end their night so soon after dinner, they had decided to take a detour to the beach. It was a beautiful night: it wasn’t too cold and the moon was full, illuminating the waves with a beautiful soft glow. 

Deciding to take in the view, they quickly arranged themselves together on the sand not too far from the waterline. Eddie had sat down first, but Buck hesitated, unsure of how close or affectionate he was allowed to be. 

“Come here, you.” 

Eddie, noticing his hesitation, grabbed Buck’s wrist and pulled him down towards him arranging Buck how he wanted him. Buck’s cheeks flushed, not used to being manhandled in such a way, but also not hating it. It took a second of awkward rearranging, but eventually they settled so that

Buck was sat in between Eddie’s legs, leaning back against his chest. It took Eddie no time at all to wrap Buck up in his arms, pulling him in even closer than before and Buck felt giddy with how happy he was. 

“You know, Chris gave me a shovel talk before I dropped him off at his sleepover tonight,” Eddie said quietly, as if not to break the peaceful silence between them. 

Buck barked out a laugh, “He did?” Buck could picture it in his head: Chris with his arms crossed as he lectured his dad about their upcoming date. It was still hard to remember that Chris was a teenager now, far from the sweet little boy who couldn’t be mean to a fly, let alone his lovable father.

Eddie chuckled, Buck feeling the rumble against his back, “Oh yeah, he really laid into me. He was the one to encourage me to tell you how I feel, yet he was very protective of you. He cares about you a lot.”

Buck felt tears spring to his eyes. He adored Chris as if he was his own son, and it was such a relief that Chris not only approved of them being together, but had been actively pushing for it. That had been his biggest fear when he had first realized his feelings for Eddie were not strictly platonic: that not only would he lose Eddie, but he would also lose Chris. 

“Man, I love that kid,” Buck sniffled, unable to stop himself from crying (sue him, he’d always been an emotional guy). “I really missed him when he was gone. I know we talked on the phone all the time, even when he wasn’t talking to you, but it felt like a piece of me was missing when I couldn’t be there for him. And once you left to be with him? It felt like I’d lost my soul with both of you gone.”

“I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire of the mess I made,” Buck felt Eddie press a lingering kiss to his forehead, right where his birthmark was located, “But I promise we will never leave you ever again. You’re our family; you’re gonna be stuck with us for the rest of your life.”

Overcome with emotion, Buck turned in his seat to capture Eddie’s lips with his own. He poured every emotion he could into the kiss, hoping that Eddie would understand what he was trying to convey. His heightened emotions and the novelty of getting to kiss Eddie freely had him feeling like lightning was coursing through his veins (and he would know what that felt like). It was intense and overwhelming, but there was nowhere else he’d rather be. They pulled apart slowly, as if to savor the moment further.

“I love you Eddie.”

“I love you too, Evan.”

Chapter Text

It was Eddie’s first shift back with the 118 and things felt weirdly relaxed. The weekend spent with Buck and Chris had been so refreshing; it had felt like paradise just getting to exist as a family and proper boyfriends, but they eventually had to return to work. Considering they hadn’t come out to the rest of their team (in terms of Eddie’s sexuality and the status of their relationship), Buck and Eddie were doing their best to settle into their normal routine without arousing suspicion in the others. Eddie thought they would have to be careful - all eyes on them because of how much Buck had whined about Eddie while he was gone - but hiding their relationship proved almost easy.

Naturally, the team had teased them relentlessly about their co-dependence while they were separated, but other than that they were treated relatively normal. Eddie thought they would get caught right away by being too affectionate, but it turns out the team didn’t bat an eye when they sat too close together in the truck or shared food off of each other’s plates during dinner. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was because this kind of behavior between them was so usual that they didn’t question it, or they were simply letting them get away with being affectionate because of how long they spent apart.

Regardless, it had given them the perfect excuse to be more affectionate than usual with their friends seemingly none-the-wiser. And while it was hard to hide their true feelings for each other, it wasn’t hard - at least for Eddie - to hide the more physical nature of their relationship from the team.

Buck had been understanding when Eddie had asked to take it slow, and since it had only been about a week since they got together they hadn’t made it super far in the physical aspect to their relationship. Sure, they had shared a few kisses on their first date, but they never got too heated, and Eddie had never been a big fan of PDA so anything untoward of that manner was not going to be happening in the firehouse any time soon.

Other than that, they hadn’t had a chance to discuss other boundaries in their relationship, so their actions probably wouldn't seem too coupley and arouse suspicion; they hadn’t actually breached that type of affection with each other yet to have to worry about hiding it. Eddie knew Buck was a very tactile person in nature and he knew that he was holding himself back, but Eddie couldn’t help but feel immensely grateful for having such an amazing partner willing to wait for him to be comfortable.

Truthfully, he also craved affection, and he knew it would be so easy with Buck, but he hadn’t known how to approach him about it. He had always had a hard time allowing himself that type of connection with someone else - his father always scolding him as a child when he cried too easily or asked for too many hugs - so eventually he learned to push his desires down. He knew what he wanted from Buck, and what Buck wanted from him, but they hadn’t yet broken down that barrier and Eddie was hesitant to take that step.

A truly disastrous call at the end of their shift finally pushed them into addressing it. Just as they were planning to wrap up for the day the alarms went off, notifying them of a nasty pile up on the 110 freeway. As soon as they arrived on scene, Eddie knew it was going to be a bad. A few of the cars were already smoking, one up in flames, and it was grueling work getting the survivors out of all the vehicles. One of the cars Eddie had helped had a young boy inside, and while he didn’t die on site he didn’t look good as Eddie patched him up and sent him on his way in the ambulance.

Hours later, the team was silent as they packed up the truck to head back to the station. Scenes like that where they lost people were already rough, but the injured child stood out to Eddie, hitting just a little too close to home. It had been hard dealing with calls like that when Chris was in Texas and he couldn’t just walk into his room to check on him, but now it was almost harder for him to deal with because he knew what it felt like to lose Chris in some capacity. He just got him back, and everyday he feared he would lose him again in one way or another.

As soon as they arrived back at the station Eddie was changing as fast as possible, hastily throwing his things into his bag: he needed to get home to see Chris as soon as possible. As he packed he met Buck’s eyes in the locker room, and he looked just as eager to get home as Eddie was. No less than a minute later they were waving goodbye to the team and speeding towards Buck’s jeep.

Eddie had been so eager to return to work with the 118, Chris poking fun at him for his excitement as they left the night before, but as they pulled into the driveway he couldn’t be more relieved to not be at work. It was late and he was exhausted; their shift was supposed to end at 8 p.m. but with the last call it was closer to 11. All Eddie wanted to do was spend some quality time with his son - especially after such a hard end to their shift - but as he made his way into the house (Buck right behind him) and peaked into Chris’ room his suspicions were correct; he was fast asleep in bed.

They both stood there for a few minutes, just watching from the doorway making sure Chris was ok. Eventually though, exhaustion hit, and Eddie made his way to his room and Buck towards the bathroom, both getting ready for bed.

They hadn’t been sleeping in the bed together, switching off nights on the couch, and it was Buck’s turn there tonight, but as Eddie laid down in his big bed all alone he felt the emptiness creeping over him like never before. As the empty feeling grew, his thoughts began to spiral and he spent a few minutes tossing and turning to no avail.

He sighed, realizing only one thing could help him break free from the horrible feelings left over from the crash, and pushed himself out of bed, heading towards the living room.

Buck, who also appeared to be having trouble sleeping, turned towards him as he heard his footsteps approaching.

“Eddie, is everything ok?”

He reached over to Buck on the couch, pulling him up gently so as to not startle him. Wordlessly, he dragged Buck off of the couch and led him back down the hallway towards his room.

“Um,” Buck stuttered, confused as Eddie pushed him into the room and towards the opposite side of the bed. “What’s happening?” he asked quietly. Nonetheless, he went where Eddie directed him, only stopping once he made it to the edge of the bed.

Eddie sighed, climbing back into his own side of the bed and throwing open the covers for Buck.

“Look, I know we haven’t been sharing a bed yet and we haven’t had a chance to talk about boundaries with this type of thing, but I cannot stop thinking about that shitty call and all I want to do is cuddle with my boyfriend and fall asleep with you in my arms.”

Even under the cover of darkness, Eddie could sense the red flush overtaking Buck’s face at his blunt words. Eddie knew he wasn’t typically the affectionate type, drilled into him since he was young that men shouldn’t act like that with other men, but ever since he had realized he was gay he had been working to break down those mental barriers and it seemed that the call earlier had been the final straw.

Buck, ever the affectionate type, eagerly jumped into bed with Eddie as soon as he was given the green light.

“C’mere,” Eddie pulled Buck closer, manhandling Buck exactly how he wanted him: Eddie on his back and Buck curled up into his side, head resting on Eddie’s chest. The warm presence of Buck’s body pressed against his own and Buck’s calming scent reaching his nose instantly soothed him, and he finally felt some of the tension from earlier leave his body.

“Are you sure this is ok?” Buck asked, turning his head up to look at Eddie. “I love cuddling, don’t get me wrong, but I know you didn’t want to jump so quickly into stuff like this.”

Eddie sighed, “I wouldn’t have dragged you all the way in here just to change my mind. Trust me, I want this, want you like this. Truthfully, I’ve always been a bit touch-starved because I didn’t think I could ask for affection like this.” As he spoke, he brought his hand up to play with Buck’s hair, wanting another connecting point to his partner. “But you know I’ve been working through all that and learning how to let myself have what I want. I want to be able to do this with you at any time, not just after a shitty call like tonight. If it's alright with you, of course.”

Buck huffed out a laugh, “Eddie, I’ve been fighting every instinct I have not to wrap you up tight and keep you there with me since we got together. Trust me, I want this just as much as you.” He squeezed Eddie tighter and Eddie felt even more tension leaving his body.

“This is nice, Buck.”

“Yeah.”

They laid together in silence for a while, resting but not yet sleeping. Eddie felt his body relaxing as he continued to pet through Buck’s curls, content to be wrapped up in each other's arms. Ever the talkative one though, Buck eventually broke the silence.

“You know, I never would have pegged you as the pushy affectionate type, but my eyes have been opened since we’ve started dating.”

“Pushy?” Eddie was confused. He had made sure to check in with Buck every step of the way, so he knew he wasn’t crossing any lines. How was he being pushy?

“You didn’t realize?” Buck seemed surprised. “Every time we’ve been close you’ve just grabbed me and put me where you wanted: you did it on the beach on our date and now when you dragged me into bed with you.” Eddie saw a playful smile appear on his face and he braced himself for whatever Buck was planning on saying. “I didn’t think you’d be into manhandling, but I can’t say I don’t like it. Who knew you’d be so kinky.”

Eddie flushed red at the implication, thankful for the cover of darkness. He honestly hadn’t noticed, but now that Buck had pointed it out to him he couldn’t stop his mind from running wild with the seed he planted in his brain. He quickly shook the thoughts from his mind, helpfully reminding himself that he wasn’t ready to take things further, especially after the events of the night. It didn’t help that Buck was intentionally riling him up a bit.

“Don’t be cheeky,” he took his hand still in Buck’s hair and playfully tugged in retaliation. Buck - to Eddie’s total shock - let out an unexpected moan at the sensation. They both froze, the tension between them suddenly so thick it could be cut with a knife. It was Buck’s turn to flush pink at being so obviously caught off guard.

“Oh, and I’m supposedly the kinky one?” Eddie laughed, doing his best to ease the tension and erase Buck’s apprehension at the situation by moving past his obvious reaction. He resumed his casual petting of Buck’s hair as he spoke, “You really like this don’t you? I bet if you were a cat I’d be able to hear you purr.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Buck laughed. Eddie could feel how Buck’s muscles, pulled tight just moments ago, relaxed into his hold once more. After that they simply fell back into the calm silence they had before.

It was nice, Eddie thought, finally getting to hold Buck in his arms like this. He had been holding back, still dealing with his own internalized trauma when it comes to being affectionate with another man, but now that he had it he wouldn’t mind getting to keep it, staying like this every night. He snuggled closer to Buck and soon he was fast asleep.

* * *

Eddie woke up slowly, the warmth surrounding him pulling him gently from his dreams. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept that well. Typically, he was a morning person; thanks to his time in the army and life as a single parent he was used to being an early riser. However, as he laid there in bed, Buck wrapped around him, he found himself not wanting to get up for the first time in a while. Unfortunately, his bladder had other plans.

He reluctantly extracted himself from Buck’s hold, thankful that he was such a heavy sleeper, before making his way to the bathroom to do his business. Now wide awake, he headed to the kitchen to start on breakfast, wanting to surprise Buck with a treat. He knew his pancakes were not nearly as good as Buck’s, but they’d have to do.

He set the coffee machine going before beginning to prep the ingredients, humming to himself quietly as he puttered around the kitchen. He was on cloud nine; spending the night with Buck in his arms had lifted his spirits tremendously, and he felt giddy at finally getting to be with Buck how he had always desired.

He had been standing at the stove distracted by his thoughts when he was startled by warm hands softly grabbing him around his waist.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you Eds,” Buck pressed a kiss to his cheek in apology as he wrapped himself along Eddie’s back. Buck pressed himself as far as possible into Eddie, peering over his shoulder. “You making pancakes?”

“Yup, felt like doing something nice for you and Chris.”

Buck hummed in response, giving him a light squeeze around his stomach in appreciation. They stood there in silence for a minute, wrapped up in each other as Eddie continued to flip pancakes. Buck was usually chatty in the morning, so as the silence built up around them Eddie knew that meant he had something to say but didn’t know how to say it. Luckily, Eddie was content to wait it out until Buck finally spoke.

“This is still ok, right?” Buck asked hesitantly. “I know you said you didn’t mind this type of cuddling last night, but we were both tired and just got off a rough shift, so I guess I just want to make sure it wasn’t a heat-of-the-moment kinda thing that you agreed to…”

Eddie quickly checked the pancakes he was watching - they looked good enough to be removed from the heat - then switched off the stove, turning in Buck’s arms to face him. Buck’s chin was turned down, avoiding Eddie’s gaze.

“Buck,” Eddie gently grabbed Buck’s chin, tilting his head up so Eddie could look into his eyes, “I promise, you never have to ask me for this type of affection. Sure, last night was rough and pushed me to finally cross that boundary with you, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I’ve wanted this from the start, I was just too scared to ask for it. I know you Buck, and I know you’re the affectionate type, and I love you for it.” The hesitation Buck seemed to be holding in his body melted away at Eddie’s words.

“Thanks Eddie,” his beautiful blue eyes softening under Eddie’s gaze. “I guess this thing between us is so new that I just keep second guessing myself and how I’m allowed to behave with you. It’s like now that I have permission to act on my feelings for you, my brain has to break down the barriers I built up before when I was pretending I wasn’t in love with you. I guess I just didn’t expect the shift from best friends to boyfriends to be so nerve wracking.”

Eddie looked at his partner so fondly. He would do anything to keep Buck happy, so he knew giving him the type of affection he wanted wouldn’t be a hardship, even if it did take some getting used to.

“Let’s just say that I give you blanket permission to cuddle me whenever you want. I promise I will let you know if something bothers me, but you don’t have to worry about holding yourself back. I love everything about you, even the clingy parts.”

Buck huffed out a small laugh in response. “Anytime I want?”

“Yes Buck, anytime you want.”

A massive smile took over Buck’s face. “You saying that is just going to create a monster out of me, you know that right? I’ve been holding back my feelings for you for ages, so I’ve gotta start making up for lost time. Prepare to be smothered, Diaz!”

Eddie laughed as Buck squeezed him even tighter. They stayed there for a while, Eddie gently stroking his arm up-and-down Buck’s back in a soothing pattern.

The past 24 hours had felt like a wonderful dream, and Eddie couldn’t believe that he actually got to have this in real life. He had restrained his inner desires for so long, but he vowed that he was done holding himself back, especially when it came to Buck. He was currently the happiest he’d ever been, and he’d be damned if he let himself lose it.

“Now, as much as I’d love to stay here forever, Chris needs to get to school and the pancakes are getting cold.”

He gave Buck one last kiss on his cheek before attempting to extract himself from Buck’s vice-like grip. He didn’t make it far before Buck was letting out a small whine and tightening his hold.

“C’mon Buck, you gotta let go now.”

“Don’t wanna,” Buck grumbled, leaning down to bury his face in Eddie’s neck. Eddie sighed, acting exasperated but truly he was so endeared by his partner.

“Fine, a few more minutes, but then we do really have to start getting ready.”

“Love you Eddie,” Buck said, muffled by speaking into Eddie’s neck. Eddie felt him place a kiss where his lips met his skin and he shuddered at the delicate feeling of it.

“I love you too, Buck.”

Chapter Text

It was an ordinary day when it happened. Buck was cooking dinner for his boys (Chris had been craving Bobby’s lasagna all week, and he could never say no to his puppy dog eyes) with Eddie in charge of the salad, acting as his sous chef while Chris finished his homework in his room.

They worked side by side, their experience as partners in the field easily transferring to their partnership in the kitchen as they seamlessly moved around each other and wordlessly anticipated each other's needs.

“Buck, can I get -” Buck passes a knife his way.

“Hey Eddie, did you move the -” Eddie was already handing him the salt he was looking for.

“Cariño, can you pass me the -”

Buck froze at the unfamiliar word, not hearing the rest of the question. Sure, he had picked up some Spanish while he was bartending in Peru, but most of what he learned was used for other, not so domestic, situations. He racked his brain for the meaning, but his mind came up empty.

“Buck, did you hear me? I need the -” Eddie turned to him, trailing off when he noticed Buck already staring back at him. “Buck, are you good? You just zoned out on me for a sec there.”

“What does cariño mean?”

“Huh?”

“Cariño, you called me cariño. What does that mean?”

Buck watched as Eddie reached up with one hand to scratch the back of his neck - one of his nervous ticks.

“Depends on the context, but typically it means ‘darling’.” As he said it, his Texas drawl slipped out, which, wow . He didn’t think he had a thing for accents previously, but with how smoothly the word flowed from Eddie’s lips, he may have to reconsider. Shaking the thought from his head (now was simply not the time to thirst over his boyfriend), he took in Eddie’s demeanor, clearly  embarrassed at letting the endearment slip.

“Oh,” Buck’s voice was quiet, as if sensing the vulnerability of the thing Eddie had just shared with him. “None of my partners have ever used a pet name for me before.”

“Really?” Eddie looked shocked. “I thought you’d be all for that type of thing in a relationship.”

“I am, it’s just that none of my partners ever used them so I never pushed the issue,” he shrugged, trying to brush past the insecurity he felt about his past relationships. “Tommy tried, I think, by calling me ‘Evan’ all the time. I guess he thought it was cute or special that only he could call me that, but there’s a reason I no longer go by that name, so it just made me feel uncomfortable more than anything else…”

The knife Eddie was holding clattered to the countertop and Buck felt himself being swept into a hug, Eddie instantly easing the tension in his body. Eddie stepped back, holding him at arm's length but close enough to look directly into his eyes.

“Buck, I hope you know that you never have to worry about asking me for these types of things in our relationship. Fuck all your exes for making you feel like you weren’t worthy to ask for this.” Eddie scoffed, clearly not impressed with how his past partners had treated him. “If you want, I will call you all the cheesy pet names your heart desires till you forget that you used to go by anything else, including your own name.”

Buck felt his heart swell with fondness at the man. Eddie acted like he wasn’t the romantic type, but continually managed to take Buck’s breath away at his declarations of love fit for a hallmark movie. 

“Really?” Buck felt his eyes get teary. He ducked his head, fighting the overwhelming urge to cry. God, that would be embarrassing, he thought, crying over something as silly as a pet name. Buck didn’t know what he did to deserve this man.

“Of course, Buck. After all, I’m the one who let the name slip to begin with. If you like it, I have no problem continuing to use it. I’d enjoy it just as much as you.”

He pulled Eddie back into a hug, finally letting his tears fall as he was surrounded by the love Eddie felt for him. They stood in the kitchen, similar to the morning after their rough call, and just basked in each other's presence. 

Buck wanted to give back to Eddie somehow, wanted him to feel as cherished as he did. He loved pet names, already in love with how the term ‘cariño’ fell from Eddie’s lips, but he wasn’t sure if Eddie would want something similar for himself.

Sniffling, Buck pulled away once more to look at Eddie, “While we’re on the topic, would you want me to use pet names for you too?” He was curious; Eddie had always been a private person when it came to his relationships, and he had eagerly been filling in the blanks in his knowledge since they had gotten together. “I’ve always liked the idea of using them for my partner, but I wasn’t sure if that was something you’d like or not.”

“I’m not sure. I guess I’d never given it too much thought.” Eddie hummed in response, thinking. “I’d only used pet names with Shannon, she liked it when I called her baby, but like you, I’ve never been on the receiving end.”

Buck’s heart did a little swoop in excitement. The past few weeks he’s been the happiest he’d ever been because of Eddie, and he was still filled with joy at the idea that he gets to be Eddie’s first - and last, cause fuck you Tommy - in so many aspects of their relationship. He didn’t know what Eddie would like in terms of pet names, but he was determined to find something special for him that would stick.

“Don’t worry Eds,” his mind was already racing, determination filling his bones, “I’ll find you something that will stick if it’s the last thing I do!”

Eddie chuckled, used to Buck’s unwavering relentlessness when he was focused on a goal. “Can’t wait, cariño.”

* * *

Buck did what he always did when he wanted answers: research. If he wanted to find something special, something that was just so Eddie , he knew he would have to try out many different options, so where better to start than understanding the origin behind pet names and how they’ve been used.

“Hey Eddie,” Buck said as he enthusiastically folded the clean shirt he was holding, “did you know that the term ‘pet names’ is just colloquial language? The proper terminology, originated in Ancient Greece, is ‘hypocorism,’ meaning a name used to show affection for a person.”

Eddie hummed beside him as he paired up their mismatched socks, “Really? I didn’t know they dated that far back; I always thought they were something strictly modern.”

“I mean you’re technically correct.” Buck’s face lit up, excited to share what he had learned with Eddie. “Hypocorism originally used to refer to a shorthand of someone’s name in an affectionate way, kinda like when I call you ‘Eds’ instead of ‘Eddie’ or  say ‘Chim’ instead of ‘Chimney,’ but as language evolved the term grew to refer to the process of a word transforming to denote affection, which is how we get the more commonly used phrases like ‘darling’ or sweetheart’ as pet names.”

Buck rambled on and on as they folded laundry together, Eddie occasionally humming in response or asking him clarifying questions about his new knowledge. When Buck finally took a break and looked over at Eddie, he had such a fond smile on his face that he felt himself blush at Eddie’s unadulterated affection. He knew he could be a lot sometimes when he got excited about a topic, but Eddie had never made him feel bad for his enthusiasm; even before they were dating he was always the one not only listening, but also encouraging Buck’s curiosity. 

“So now that you know the history behind pet names, have you gotten any closer in your quest to finding something to call me?”

Buck felt himself deflate just slightly. “Well no, but that’s just because I care about you so much, you know? I can’t possibly find one word to encapsulate the love and affection I have for you. It’s gonna take some time to find something that feels right.”

“Well,” Eddie began to stand up, grabbing the laundry basket full of their freshly folded clothes, “you’re going to have to put a pin in the search: we’ve got to pick up Chris from school in half an hour.” 

Eddie leaned down, placing a quick kiss on Buck’s birthmark (a habit he has indulged in often now that he is allowed) before heading down the hall to go clean up and put their laundry away before they became preoccupied once Chris was home.

Buck watched him go with a renewed determination to find the pet name that best suited Eddie. Eddie deserved to know that he was loved and appreciated, and Buck wouldn’t rest until he found the right fit.

 * * *

It was later that night when they sat down for family dinner that Buck began trying out names. Buck hadn’t even fully sat down yet and Chris was already digging into the new pasta recipe he had been wanting to try for a while.

“Thanks for dinner Buck!” Chris’ words came out muffled by the food already in his mouth causing Eddie to tsk at him. Chris quickly chewed, swallowed, before letting out a guilty “Sorry dad.”

Eddie reached over to ruffle his hair, “That’s ok mijo, but let’s remember our manners next time. The food isn’t going to run away from you; you don’t have to eat like you’re starved.”

“But dad,” Chris whined, “Denny and Harry invited me to join their gaming server tonight, so I don’t want to be late.”

Buck chimed in, “I’m sure they’ll understand if you’re a few minutes late. They’re probably just happy to be back to playing in the same timezone as you.”

Chris looked thoughtful for a second, nodding slowly. “Hm, you’re probably right.”

“I always am,” Buck chuckled, sending a cheeky wink his way, making Chris and Eddie’s eyes roll (Buck’s heart swelled seeing father and son so alike, even if they were mocking him). He rubbed his hands together excitedly. “I’ve been trying to perfect this recipe for a while, so let me know what you think!”

All three of them dug in, the only noise being the cutlery scraping along their plates and the groans of approval from the Diaz boys. It made Buck flush; he had always used his cooking to express his love for others, and it made his heart soar to know that he could provide a great meal for his two favorite people.

The domesticity of it all made Buck shine. He knew long before they were together that he had a place here in Eddie’s - now their - home, but the novelty hadn’t worn off yet. He was still so baffled at the idea that he got to have this permanently, for the rest of his life. Since his Buck 1.0 phase ended, he had been desperately searching for a family of his own, and through a grueling seven years since he and Eddie had met, he was extremely proud of the family he had created.

As they continued to eat they made light conversation, trying to get Chris to tell them about his day despite that being “lame” now that he was older. To make up for Chris’ lackluster responses, Buck began recounting a tale from their last shift, hoping to draw his interest in.

Gesturing wildly, Buck got a little too enthusiastic and, in an unfortunate turn of events, sent a chunk of sauce on his fork flying, causing it to splatter all over his shirt.

“Aw shoot,” he reached for a napkin, already dabbing some water on it before applying it to the stain. “Sweetie, can you pass me another napkin?” When a few seconds went by and he had no new napkin in sight he looked up to see both Chris and Eddie staring at him with both of their noses scrunched in disgust.

“Gross,” he heard Chris mumble under his breath, causing Eddie to let out a quiet laugh in response.

“What, did I miss it? Do I have something on my face too?”

Eddie chuckled, finally breaking out of whatever stupor he’d been in. “No Buck, your little pet name just caught me off guard. Sweetie, really? That’s what you’re going with?” Eddie playfully teasing him.

Buck flushed, not even realizing he’d let it slip. He had a plan for trying out some names for Eddie, but not like this. “So I assume you don’t like that one?” Buck was disappointed that he struck out; he knew it would take time to find one that Eddie liked - hell that was what made it fun - but he was a little disappointed. “I figured I would get all the standard ones out of the way early on since they’re the easiest. How about baby? Sugar? Love?”

Buck saw Eddie flush a little at ‘love,’ and filed that information away for later. “I dunno, I don’t hate them, but I don’t love them either.”

“You’re right,” Buck nodded, “They’re nice but they’re not special enough for you. Regardless, I’ll keep trying; I’m not giving up yet.” He smiled brightly at Eddie who returned his smile, a fond look in his eyes.

Chris groaned, shoveling the last of his food into his mouth before moving to stand. “If you guys are going to keep being all gross, I’m leaving now,” he gathered his dirty dishes. “I don’t need to be here to witness you being all lovey-dovey together.” 

Chris practically raced out of the room, shouting a quick ‘thanks for dinner!’ over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall towards his room. Buck looked to Eddie, eyes meeting for a second before they were bursting into laughter together over Chris’ antics. Buck felt a little embarrassed, still holding onto the idea that he was still ‘Eddie’s cool best friend’ to Chris rather than just being his dad’s boyfriend, but with how light and happy he felt in this moment, he would take all the teasing in the world to feel like this forever.

* * *

The next time Buck got an idea they were on a call. Dispatch had sent them on a medical call, informing them of a couple who had gotten injured during an intimate moment that went wrong, no further details provided. On their way in the engine, the team placed their bets as to what they’d be walking into.

“It’s always the kinky ones that get stuck in situations like this,” Chimney wagered. “I bet we’re dealing with some type of bondage gone wrong.”

Eddie hummed in agreement, “Could be. Even people who aren’t particularly into that kind of stuff get stuck with the more vanilla contraptions like handcuffs; it’s pretty likely something like that.”

“You guys are thinking about this all wrong,” Hen scoffed. “Normal people injure themselves in the shower everyday. It’s most likely that these two got a bit too enthusiastic and slipped in the shower. Medically speaking, that type of injury is most likely.”

“Good point,” Chim agreed, always eager to back up his best friend. “Buck, what do you think? Surely with your sexual experience you’ve seen some interesting things that could go wrong?”

Buck opened his mouth to reply, mind running wild with possibilities, before he was interrupted.

“I think,” Bobby jumped in over the comms and turned a stern eye to the group in the rearview mirror, “that we are all professionals and should be focused on the upcoming call and not betting on two people who may be seriously injured.” 

“Sorry Cap,” the group grumbled out a response together, shutting down the conversation as they arrived on the scene.

Turns out, Hen was right. As Bobby knocked on the door, announcing “LAFD, here to help!” They were greeted by a frantic woman dressed only in a bathrobe. She looked absolutely frazzled, hair dripping wet and tears running down her face.

“Oh thank God, you’re here,” the woman let out a sigh of relief. “Me and my husband got a bit, um, carried away , in the shower, and James - my husband - slipped and fell and injured his shoulder.”

They got the rundown of the situation as they made their way through the house towards the victim. James seemed to be ok, no serious broken bones or blood, just a dislocated shoulder, so Buck and Eddie stepped aside and let Hen and Chim take over. They easily set James’ shoulder back in place and Buck and Eddie did their part to load him onto a stretcher to get him on his way to the hospital and get checked out. As they loaded him into the ambulance, his wife (Amy, they learned) stayed stuck to his side, holding his hand while he whispered reassurances to her.

“It’s ok sweet cheeks, I’m gonna be just fine,” he said, bringing up his non-injured arm to brush some hair out of her eyes. “The doctors are gonna heal me up, nice and easy.”

She laughed wetly, tears lingering in her eyes from earlier. “Oh snookums, I love you so much.”

The rest of their conversation was cut off as they closed the door to the ambulance, sending them off with Hen and Chim. Buck’s mind, however, was stuck on the exchange between the couple.

He turned towards Eddie, mouth open before - for the second time today - he was cut off.

“No.”

“No?” He hadn’t even said anything yet and Eddie was already turning him down.

Eddie sighed, “Don’t act like I can’t read you and don’t know exactly what you are thinking. The answer is no Buck, you are absolutely not calling me ‘sweet cheeks’ or ‘snookums.’”

Buck pouted. “But-”

“Buck, do you really think that those cheesy nicknames would suit me? Also, I think if you called me that in front of the team, we would never live it down.”

Buck knew Eddie was right; he got teased enough by the team and he thinks if he whipped out those pet names at the station they would never know another moment of peace. 

Before he could respond, Bobby was calling them back over to the engine having wrapped up at the scene. Still disappointed that his search has been fruitless, he took the opportunity to fuck with Eddie just a little bit.

“Duty calls, snookums,” he smirked at Eddie before racing off towards the truck.

“BUCK!”

* * * 

It was after their shift when they were settling down for the night that Buck tried again. They were both in the kitchen, making a couple cups of tea to help them calm down as the day came to an end, when Buck got struck with inspiration once again.

As he poured a dash of milk into his mug (and only his: Eddie thought it was plain wrong to add milk to tea) he called out, “Pass me the honey, Honey.” He tried to throw it out casually, but his eyes were glued to Eddie for his reaction.

Eddie let out a small chuckle, rolling his eyes at the bad joke, more amused than anything. “Not that one either, Buck,” he said, passing the honey along to Buck.

“Damn.”

* * *

It finally clicked when Buck least expected it. They had just dropped Chris off at school and were on their way to the store to pick up some much-needed groceries and snacks for their Friday movie night tradition (Twizzlers for Chris, Reese's for Eddie, and M&M’s for Buck). As per usual, Buck was driving. They had a late night the night before due to a call gone-long, so Eddie was asleep in the passenger’s seat, napping to the car’s soothing motion.

Buck couldn’t help but coo at his partner, awed by how beautiful Eddie looked: he was sleep rumpled and his slouched posture couldn’t be comfortable, but his usual stress lines were missing. It was an unusual sight; Buck knew that Eddie held a lot of stress inside, but recently, specifically since they had gotten together, he had looked a lot more carefree, as if getting to live as his true, authentic self finally freed him from his burdens. Buck felt so much pride for his partner and everything he’s had to overcome to get to this point in their lives, happier than ever together.

Buck’s silent fawning occupied him all the way to the store, and as he put the jeep into park he couldn’t help but feel guilty at having to disturb Eddie. Nonetheless, it was too hot to leave Eddie in the car, even with the air conditioning on, and he knew that if Eddie happened to wake up he could get disoriented if Buck wasn’t there, so he had no choice.

“Hey Eddie,” he reached over to gently shake his shoulder, “We’re here. You’ve gotta wake up.” Slowly, Eddie’s eyes blinked open as he squinted against the harsh morning light. He grumbled, not happy that his nap was disturbed.

Buck laughed, now used to Eddie and how grumpy he can be after he just woke up. “Welcome back from the dream world! Now c’mon, we just gotta pick up a few things, it’ll be quick.”

Eddie groaned, “Can’t you just go in without me?”

“No can do,” Buck responded brightly, already halfway out of the car. “You know how I get in grocery stores; it’s in both of our best interests if you come with me.” Buck knew that inevitably things would go wrong if he went on his own; he couldn’t help it, it was in his nature. One minute he'd be easily making his way down their list, then he’d spot an interesting ingredient and he’d have to stop and look up recipes. Next, some nice, little old lady would ask him for help reaching an item on the top shelf and he would happily oblige, getting sucked into conversation. On his own, a quick ten-minute grocery trip could take him an hour, and he couldn’t do that to poor Eddie, who just wants to go home.

“Are you sure you can’t just go alone this one time,” Eddie turned towards him, whipping out his big, sad puppy dog eyes. And listen, Buck is a weak, weak man. There have been countless times that Christopher had pulled his puppy eyes on him and Buck almost always gives in, but if there’s anyone’s puppy dog eyes that he is immune to, it is thankfully Eddie’s. He’s had to crack down on him one-too-many times when helping him recover from injuries to let him get away with things like that.

“Nope! But don’t worry, it’ll be just a few minutes and then we can go straight home and we can keep napping together. Come on, princess!”

Buck saw Eddie freeze as he began to reach for the door handle. At first, Buck didn’t realize what he did to cause that reaction. He took a look at Eddie’s face, now bright red, and thought back through what he just said, and suddenly a lightbulb went off in his head. 

He took a closer look at Eddie, who was looking anywhere but back at Buck. He was fidgeting with his hands: another one of his nervous ticks. His face was flushed. Buck thought that he was embarrassed by the name, but upon closer inspection Buck noticed that the corner of Eddie’s mouth was ticked up ever so slightly. Buck inhaled sharply as he realized that Eddie was acting this way, not because he was embarrassed at the name, but because he liked it.

A grin took over his face. “Oh, you liked that. Princess, huh?”

Eddie somehow flushed even darker, shrinking in on himself defensively. “No, uh, I mean-” Eddie stuttered, clearly uneasy at being read so easily, “It just caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Buck noticed that Eddie seemed a little uncomfortable and backtracked, “Hey, if that’s true, then that’s fine. I’ll respect your opinion and not use it again.” Buck sat back down in the driver’s seat and reached over to take hold of Eddie’s fidgeting hands. “But to me, it didn’t seem like you hated it. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Eddie finally met Buck’s gaze, and he saw a mix of emotions flash across his eyes. “Dammit, you know me too well,” Eddie let out a rueful laugh, “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?” He let out one long, shaky sigh before agreeing, “Alright, fine. I did like it. But I also wasn’t lying when I said it caught me off guard; a pet name like that didn’t even cross my mind until you said it, and then I liked it a lot, so I panicked.”

“Why did you panic?” Buck was determined to figure out where the overstep was in this situation. “I mean, ‘princess’ is a relatively common pet name, I think.”

Eddie scoffed, “ Yeah, for women. I’m a man.”

“So?”

“So,” Eddie began, “I’ve been conditioned to believe that men shouldn’t enjoy girly things. You know I’d never judge someone for wanting to explore their gender or sexual identity, but it’s different when it’s me, you know? I can still hear my parents scolding me for playing dress up with my sisters because it was ‘too girly,’ and while I don’t agree with them, it’s hard to deconstruct all the harmful ideals my parents taught me.”

Buck could sympathize with Eddie in this situation. While their situations aren’t identical, they were similar; they both dealt with having judgemental parents, just more so on opposite ends of the spectrum. Eddie’s parents were micromanaging and controlling, his parents never bothered to care about what he did, except for when he hurt himself. Still to this day, Buck was working through his self worth issues caused by his parents' judgement. He could only imagine what it was like for Eddie, whose parents hurt him, yes, but they did it because they cared (unlike Buck’s parents.)

“Hey, you know I would never think less of you for liking to be called ‘princess,’ right?”

Buck had never thought to use that name before, but in hindsight it suited him so well. In Buck’s eyes. Eddie was everything a princess should be. He was strong yet kind. He was confident, but not to the point where he seemed arrogant or cocky. He had so much love for the people who cared about him and who he cared for. Buck was hopelessly devoted to him, and would wait on him hand-and-foot for the rest of their lives to make Eddie feel cared for, just like an actual princess. Screw the stereotypical gender norms associated with the term, Eddie deserved to be cared for, worshiped, and loved.

“Of course, Buck,” Eddie looked almost panicked at the idea that Buck would ever judge him for something like this. 

“Then let me help you break down those barriers. If you like the name and it makes you happy to hear me call you that, then I will do it every day for the rest of our lives if I have to until all that self-doubt leaves you. Do you trust me to do that?”

“Of course, Buck. I know you always have my back.” Eddie got quiet again, blushing slightly. “I really did like it. It made me feel… cherished.”

Buck was beaming. He admired Eddie so much for being able to admit that out loud, that soft look on his face. All he wanted to do is make Eddie feel safe, special, loved, and he was ecstatic that he finally found another way to do so. Sure, other pet names would have worked, but Eddie liked this one , and he wasn’t about to take that knowledge for granted.

Filled with overwhelming joy, he leaned over to give Eddie a quick peck on the lips. “Good, because now that I’ve finally found a pet name you like, you better believe that I’m going to use it as much as possible.”

“Ugh Buck,” Eddie groans. Crisis now averted, they both made their way out of the car, walking towards the store. “I know you want to help me work through all this,” he gestures vaguely at his head, “but you really don’t have to be so enthusiastic about it.”

“Don’t be silly,” Buck smiled at him. “It’s truly not a hardship. You flushed so prettily when I called you that, princess,” he said winking at Eddie, who again flushed bright pink.

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie shoved his arm playfully. “You’re going to totally abuse that now, aren’t you?”

“Oh absolutely!”

Chapter Text

One thing Eddie hadn’t anticipated when he started dating Buck was how frustrating it would be. To clarify, he wasn’t angry or annoyed with Buck. Buck could never do anything wrong in Eddie’s eyes. In fact, it was concerning how much he loved Buck; just the other day Eddie watched as he was getting dressed, picked up a shirt off the floor, sniffed it, recoiling instantly at the smell yet he put it on anyway. Eddie was so down bad for his boyfriend that instead of being disgusted he was overcome with fondness for his idiot boyfriend.

Because that was where the true issue lied. See, the frustration Eddie felt towards Buck wasn’t the angry kind, but the sexual kind. Eddie is currently the horniest he’s ever been in his life and it’s honestly becoming a problem.

In the past, Eddie had never needed sexual intimacy in a relationship; in fact he often dreaded it. The first time he and Shannon had sex, he got her pregnant, and as their relationship fell apart they used it to avoid talking to each other and hide their problems.

Then he was with Ana, who he never made it past second base with because every time he tried to get closer with her it just felt like he had to perform. He had never understood hookup culture or the ability for people to have sex with someone they didn’t know. He knew he was unusual in that sense, but he just couldn’t fathom being with someone in such an intimate way if he wasn’t 100% comfortable with them, which is why he never made it there with Ana.

Finally, he had to deal with his catholic guilt with Marisol, the former nun. In the end, he was closer with Marisol than he was to Ana, but once her past as a nun-to-be was revealed, he could never look at her the same and his desire died not too long after that (it probably would have anyway, even without the whole Kim situation). 

All that to say that Eddie Diaz has a complicated and not-so-positive relationship with sex. So imagine his surprise when Buck finally became his partner and suddenly he had a sex drive like never before. 

Until now, he had never understood how people fawned over people’s specific physical attributes. Whenever he went out with friends and they pointed out how pretty a woman was or how hot some guys’ muscles were, he never saw the appeal. Sure, objectively he knew when people were attractive, but it never made him sex crazy like others he knew. It was eye opening, revisiting his opinions about sex and desire from the perspective of a gay man.

Now that he’s realized he likes men, specifically Buck, he finds it impossible to look away. It’s honestly shocking that he hasn’t exposed his and Buck’s relationship to the others with how much he’s been ogling him. 

The first time it caught him off guard they were on a call, specifically, a rope rescue. He turned to check Buck’s harness - their usual routine - yet his brain almost blue-screened when he looked Buck over. He had never noticed before how hot Buck looked in a harness, the straps accentuating his body in all the right places.

“Eddie, you good?” Buck asked as he stood there staring, frozen in place. 

Eddie cleared his throat, blushing slightly. “Yup, you look good.” Eddie’s eyes widened at his own admission. “I mean the harness, your harness looks good. Nice and safe. Yup, all good.” He quickly averted his eyes, turning his face to hide how red he was becoming. 

After a moment he turned back to see a mischievous look across Buck’s face, clearly not fooled by his rambling diversion. 

“I dunno, one of the straps seems pretty loose, are you sure you don’t want to look me over again?” There was a smirk on his face, clearly mocking Eddie after catching onto his train of thought.

Eddie rolled his eyes, quickly checking all the straps, Buck chuckling at him every step of the way. I’m never living this down, Eddie thought.

The next time it happened was a few days later, back at the station. It was a long, q-word shift (Eddie didn’t believe in curses, but now that he and Buck were dating he would rather not incur his wrath for speaking it aloud) and they were all trying to find ways to entertain themselves: Bobby was cooking lunch, Hen and Chim were bickering over the video game they were playing, and Eddie had decided to head down to the gym to work off his extra energy. Buck, as loyal as a dog, eagerly followed him.

At first, things were fine. He and Buck had long since developed a routine for days like this, balancing their individual workouts with breaks to spot the other when necessary. It was when Eddie was spotting Buck as he lifted weights that the problem arose.

Watching Buck working out, all hot and sweaty, was a form of torture. See, Eddie knew Buck was unfairly attractive. Even before he realized his attraction for men he had understood that Buck was a good-looking man, and even if he hadn’t the stories from his Buck 1.0 days or the large number of times he got hit on at calls would have clued him in. 

But as he stood there, watching the sweat drip down Buck’s chiseled form, hearing the obscene groans he was making, Eddie couldn’t help but picture other scenarios where he could put those muscles to use and work up a sweat. 

It was only Bobby calling them up for team dinner, dragging him away from his not so safe for work thoughts, that saved him from sporting a truly unfortunate boner in their station’s gym.

That was simply the final straw for Eddie;  It hadn’t yet happened a third time (thankfully, Eddie didn’t want to make too much of a habit of it), but he knew he couldn’t keep thirsting over his boyfriend like this in their shared place of work. It was unprofessional and could lead to distractions, and distractions meant potentially putting people’s lives at risk. 

He sighed internally, knowing what he had to do: he finally had to bite the bullet and have a real, honest conversation with Buck about sex.

* * *

It was a lazy afternoon where Eddie finally got the courage to bring up the topic with Buck. Chris was out of the house for an extra hour due to an after school club, so he and Buck were taking advantage of a child-free house.

Eddie was laid back on the couch, Buck pressing down onto him as they made out. It had stayed relatively tame, kissing just for the sake of being close to one another. It wasn’t something he had ever seen the appeal for in his past relationships, the expectation that it led to something more always making him nervous, but being like his with Buck changed his perspective. Eddie eagerly let Buck take the lead, sighing in contentment as he gently bit Eddie’s bottom lip, tracing his lips with his tongue before licking his way inside Eddie’s mouth. 

Eddie eagerly allowed Buck in, deepening the kiss. Their embrace grew fervent, teeth and tongues clashing. Eddie reached up and grabbed a handful of Buck’s ass, pulling him down even closer so their bodies grinded together.

They broke apart, moaning at pleasant friction. They were both gasping for breath, but Buck didn’t stay away long; leaning back down, he began to kiss his way down Eddie’s neck, his lips leaving a burning trail that caught Eddie’s skin on fire. It felt heavenly, and Eddie didn’t want to stop - in fact, he wanted the opposite - but they hadn’t discussed taking things further yet so he couldn’t allow himself to get distracted.

“Hey Buck, can we talk about something?” He pulled away, still panting.

Instantly Buck pulled away, eyebrows furrowed. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you into anything you didn’t want. From now on-”

Eddie chuckled, “Woah, slow down. You didn’t do anything wrong, quite the opposite actually.”

“I’m confused…” Buck’s head tilted sideways like a confused puppy.

Eddie sighed, not out of annoyance, but out of fondness for his boyfriend. He knew Buck was genuinely concerned, but he couldn’t help but admire how adorable his boyfriend looked when he was worried like this. “I’m trying to tell you that you’ve been doing everything right, too well in fact.” 

Eddie was suddenly nervous once again about approaching the topic of sex with Buck, but he knew he had to be the one to break down that wall. After all, he was the one who asked Buck to take it slow, and he knew Buck would respect that boundary easily (another reason Eddie knew Buck was the perfect partner for him). 

Eddie knew that it would be best to rip off the bandaid, no more skirting around the topic. “I love what we’ve been doing so far, but I’m ready to take this further. I want to have sex with you.”

Buck’s eyes went wide, instantly flustered by Eddie’s words. It was cute, seeing Buck turn red as a tomato the moment Eddie mentioned having sex. Eddie knew Buck had plenty of experience, so he knew it wasn’t the idea of sex that was causing him to be flustered, no, it was the idea of having sex with him that was causing him to react this way. It was ironic that the one time Eddie was outwardly confident about sex was when Buck decided to get all shy about it. It made Eddie’s heart flutter that Buck would be so careful with him and his wishes, making him feel so cherished.

“Not that I don’t trust your judgement Eddie,” Buck met Eddie’s eyes, searching deeply, “but are you sure about this? We’ve only been dating for around a month, and I know you said you wanted to take it slow, so I just want to make sure you’re not pushing yourself because you think it’s something I want.”

Eddie understood why Buck was apprehensive, so he did his best to soothe Buck’s worries. “I’ve thought about it a lot, and I do think I’m ready. Sure, I am still nervous since I’ve never been with a man before, but I love you and trust you, so I know that whatever happens, it’ll be okay because it’s us.”

Buck smiled softly down at him, touched by Eddie’s words. “Of course, Eddie. You know I’ll always have your back.”

“And I’ll have yours,” Eddie agreed, leaning up to kiss Buck. Unlike earlier, he kept it sweet and slow, hoping to convey to Buck how much he loves him.

They stayed like that for a while longer, exchanging lazy kisses and basking in each other’s presence. It was only the sound of Eddie’s phone alarm going off, signifying that Chris needed to be picked up, that finally caused them to break apart.

“Five more minutes?” Buck asked, puppy dog eyes on full display. He instantly sank his weight down onto Eddie, draping himself over him in an attempt to keep them in place. “Chris usually hangs back with his friends, he won’t notice if we’re a few minutes later than usual, right?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh at his partner’s antics. “As much as I would love to stay here and make out with you for the rest of time, one of us has to be the responsible one in this relationship.” He pushed at Buck’s form, finally getting him to move. “C’mon, let’s go.”

* * * 

Today was the day: Eddie and Buck were finally going to take that final step in their relationship and have sex.

Not that they wanted to have it planned on a schedule, preferring it to be more spontaneous, but with Chris around again they weren’t exactly swimming in free time where they’d be able to be alone and interrupted. 

This wasn’t something they wanted to rush through, so they conveniently planned a sleepover with Denny for Chris on one of their 48’s they had off work. It had been hard to come up with an excuse they could give to Hen and Karen without exposing their relationship, but they managed to work their way around the truth with a promise to watch their kids for a night next week so they could have a date night of their own. 

So there Buck and Eddie were, just having arrived home alone, with the weight of the night’s intentions lingering over them. Eddie was filled with nerves, and he pretty much froze as soon as they made it through the door, unsure of what he should be doing. Should he just go for it? Would Buck like that, or did he want to sit and have a quiet night first to ease into things? He began fiddling with his hands, looking for something to do to stop his racing thoughts.

He was brought out of his spiraling by Buck’s hands gently grabbing his wrists, stilling his movements. There was concern written across his face.

“Hey, we don’t have to do anything tonight if you’re too nervous or changed your mind.” Buck soothingly brushed his thumbs along Eddie’s skin. “You know I’d never pressure you into anything you didn’t want.”

Buck’s words caused all the tension to drain from his body. Sure, they had talked about all this before, but Buck’s reassurance only confirmed for him that this was what he wanted and who he wanted to be doing it with.

“I know, Evan.” Eddie didn’t use Buck’s birth name often, but when he needed to get his point across it was always his go-to. “I promise I’m not nervous because I’m scared - I’m excited if anything - to have sex with you. We’ve talked about how I’ve obviously never been with a man before and I just - I guess I suddenly realized how out of my own depth I am here and I froze because I didn’t know what to do.”

Buck looked deeply into his eyes, “Do you trust me?”

Eddie scoffed, “Of course.”

Buck’s eyes lit up, a grin growing across his face, “Alright then, princess,” he smirked at Eddie, instantly causing the mood to shift. “Then don’t you worry your pretty little head about anything. I’ll take good care of you.”

And, oh boy , did that put an image in Eddie’s head that caused his blood to start running south. Eddie had no other choice but to pull Buck into a heated embrace, instantly kissing him fast and rough.

Buck instantly groaned into the kiss, succumbing for a second before pulling away, both of them already panting. His birthmark was flushed a dark pink, accenting the dark look in his eyes

“What’s the rush?” he tsked at Eddie, a predatory glint in his eyes. “We’ve got all night. I want to take my time with you.” He stepped away, grabbing Eddie’s hand to lead him towards their bedroom. “C’mon, let’s go get comfortable.” Eddie stumbled after him, eagerly anticipating what was to come.

As they made it to the bed Buck put a hand to the center of Eddie’s chest, gently pushing him down so he was laying on his back, head at the pillows. Buck followed him down, using his forearms to prop his body up to gaze down at Eddie, laying between his legs. 

Buck leaned down to kiss him. It was slow and syrupy, and Eddie felt another wave of desire run through his body. The kiss quickly grew heated, tongues and teeth clashing as they kissed with reckless abandon. Eddie slipped a hand under Buck’s shirt, one hand wandering across the expanse of his back, the other reaching up to wind its way through Buck’s curls. He gave them a light tug, pulling a low moan out of Buck, only adding fuel to the fire between them.

It wasn’t long before Eddie wanted more; he wanted to feel the drag of Buck’s skin against his own. Eddie began rucking up Buck’s shirt. “Take it off,” he rasped against Buck’s mouth, “Wanna feel you.”

Buck pulled away, sitting back on his heels as he smoothly reached up to pull his shirt off. Eddie gasped as he took in Buck’s form. Sure, he had seen Buck shirtless plenty of times, but tonight he looked like a vision; his golden curls like a halo around his head, muscles sculpted like a god’s. Eddie couldn't control himself, instantly reaching forward to trace his hands across the chiseled expanse of Buck’s abs. “So beautiful, Cariño,” he whispered reverently. He felt Buck’s breath hitch in response. 

Breaking the spell, Buck leaned forward, reaching for the hem of Eddie’s shirt. “Can I?”

Eddie nodded eagerly, letting Buck guide his arms above his head, sitting up slightly so Buck could remove his shirt. Now it was Buck’s turn to stare, and Eddie felt himself flush under Buck’s intense gaze.

“God Eddie, you look so good,” Buck traced one of his hands across Eddie’s abs as he bent back down to begin mouthing at Eddie’s neck, knowing how sensitive he was there and how much he liked it. Eddie tilted his head, giving Buck better access as he began sucking a hickey into his skin. 

Eventually, Eddie couldn’t take it anymore: he needed to kiss Buck again. He reached up, gently pulling on Buck’s hair to guide him back up, their lips meeting once again. 

Eddie had never felt this kind of carnal desire before, and as it was addicting. As they laid there, bodies pressed together and teeth clashing, his mind went hazy with lust. His hips kicked up into Buck’s, causing their bodies to grind against each other. They both let out a low moan at the sensation.

That was what broke the final dam between them, all intentions of taking things slow instantly thrown out the window. He grabbed one of Buck’s hands and slowly dragged it down to the button of Eddie’s jeans. 

Buck felt his hands and pulled back to meet Eddie’s eyes. “You sure?” Eddie nodded. With permission granted, Buck made quick work of removing Eddie’s pants and boxers, throwing them onto the floor hastily. Buck broke away, standing to get rid of the rest of his own clothing before kneeling back down on the bed.

Buck was slowly making his way back towards Eddie, yet Eddie stayed frozen, and all he could do was stare. Sure, he and Buck had seen each other naked plenty of times in the showers at work or while they helped each other heal out during their respective brushes with death, but now things were different. Now, he was allowed to look. 

And look he did. Buck must have been blessed in a past life because Eddie could not get over how perfect his dick was; it was proportionate to the rest of his body, longer than average, but not super thick, and he was already flushed pink at the tip in a shade that matched his birthmark. If someone had told him six months ago that he would soon be having sex with Buck, drooling over his dick, he would have never believed them, but looking at Buck like this made him feel stupid for not realizing he was gay sooner. Buck shifted, bringing a hand up to lightly stroke his own cock, and Eddie greedily observed, taking in the moment. 

Of course, Buck noticed his staring, “Like what you see?” he asked playfully, fully knowing the effect he had on Eddie. 

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes at Buck playfully. Unfortunately for Buck, he was too turned on to humor him further. “Now come back here,” Eddie said, reaching for Buck and pulling him into another bruising kiss. 

Now that there was no barrier between them their hands began to wander, grasping at each other wherever possible. Eddie let his hands trail downward, taking the opportunity to finally get his hands on Buck. He gently stroked Buck’s cock, tracing the lines Buck’s own hands had just moments prior. Groaning with pleasure, Buck pulled away from the kiss and tucked his head into Eddie’s neck, overwhelmed with the rough drag of Eddie’s hand on him. Eddie felt his panting breaths along his collarbone, and it was electrifying.

“Is this good?” Eddie asked, continuing to stroke Buck. Eddie and Buck had the same equipment - so to speak - so he knew generally what felt good based on what he personally enjoyed, but he had never touched another man’s dick before and the difference in angle made it a whole different experience.

“So good,” Buck whispered, pressing a chaste kiss against the skin of Eddie’s neck in appreciation. As Eddie continued to work over Buck, sticking to more teasing touches than anything else, Buck began mouthing more insistently at Eddie’s neck. Not much later, Buck broke out of Eddie’s grasp as he began moving down Eddie’s body, placing kisses and sucking hickeys into his skin as he continued his path down his neck and over his chest.  

Buck peered up at him with wide eyes, hovering over his stomach. “Can I taste you? Please Eddie?”

Eddie knew Buck was genuinely asking as a way to check in and make sure he was still comfortable with the direction the night was taking them, but the way that Buck looked at him, eyes wide and desperate, was absolutely obscene. Who was Eddie to deny Buck and what he wanted when he looked so sinful?

Eddie nodded rapidly, gently reaching down to run his hands through Buck’s curls. “Anything you want, Buck.” He kept his hand threaded through Buck’s hair as he moved further down the bed, positioning himself just inches from Eddie’s dick.

Eddie shivered as he felt Bucks' breath against his skin, mouth so close to where he wanted him but not yet making contact.

“You’re so sensitive,” Buck murmured. Eddie thought he should have felt embarrassed about how easily Buck was able to affect him, but he sounded so appreciative and genuine that he felt okay letting Buck see that side of him.

Without any more hesitation, Buck leaned down and began pressing light kitten licks to the head of Eddie’s dick, almost exploratory in nature. Buck was gentle, taking in every small reaction Eddie let out as he pressed kisses down the shaft.

Then, without warning, Buck was licking a long stripe from the base up to the tip before sinking down onto Eddie’s dick. Eddie moaned loudly, eyes rolling back at the sensation. The sudden warmth of Buck’s mouth on him was overwhelming, and Eddie instinctively tightened his grip on Buck’s curls, keeping his head in place. 

Buck moaned around him, and Eddie was brought back to that first time they shared a bed and how Buck had reacted similarly when Eddie had played with his hair. God, Eddie was fucked; he was never going to be able to look at Buck’s curls again without remembering the gorgeous sight of Buck with Eddie’s cock in his mouth, overcome with the pleasure of it.

Eddie lightly tugged on Buck’s hair, encouraging Buck to keep moving. Buck clearly enjoyed sucking dick, and Eddie was very much reaping the benefits; Buck was hollowing his checks and doing something absolutely mind-blowing with his tongue in a way that signaled to Eddie that not only did Buck have experience, but he was fucking fantastic at this. Eddie moaned again, lost to the pleasure that Buck was so eager to provide.

Spurred on by his reaction, Buck doubled his efforts, taking Eddie in deeper until finally his nose was pressed into Eddie’s navel. He relentlessly began to deepthroat Eddie, and Eddie’s mind went blank at the tight heat of his throat wrapped around Eddie’s cock, succumbing to Buck’s whims.

Eddie felt that burning desire building up in his body at an alarming rate and he’d be damned if he let their night together end early because he lost control too quickly.

“Buck, Buck hold on,” Eddie panted as he pulled Buck off of him. Buck let out a whine, lips puffy from his efforts and Eddie was almost tempted to let him finish, but this wasn’t how he wanted the night to end.  “As much as I loved that, seriously you’re way too good at sucking dick, I’m not going to last if you keep going.” 

Buck smirked at him, “Hm, you can’t take anymore, old man?”

Eddie scoffed, “Oh fuck off, that’s not what I meant. I just meant I didn’t want to come like that: I want to come while I’m inside you.” Eddie’s eyes went wide at his own admission, not intending to let that piece of information slip like that. “If you want that too, I mean…” Eddie trailed off, suddenly nervous again.

They hadn’t exactly discussed the dynamic they were both comfortable with, and while Eddie did eventually want to try both, uh,  pitching and receiving , so to speak, he was still a little nervous about bottoming for the first time. He would feel more comfortable topping their first time together, but he didn’t really know what Buck wanted or expected. 

Buck quickly recovered from his shock at Eddie’s admission, nodding rapidly. “Of course, Eddie.” There was a soft smile on Buck’s face. “I like to top and bottom, so we can do whatever makes you comfortable.”

Eddie looked down at Buck, who was so sincere in his goal to make Eddie feel safe, so eager to please. “I want to fuck you.”

Buck’s eyes darkened at the admission, and he quickly pushed himself up, pulling away to rummage around in their bedside drawer. He grabbed lube and pulled out a condom, turning to Eddie with a raised eyebrow. Eddie shook his head and Eddie saw the corner of his lips turn up lightly in a gentle agreement. 

They had discussed this briefly before, whether they wanted to use condoms or not. They were both clean (Eddie had recently got screened before returning to work and Buck admitted he had gotten cleared after the Tommy incident™), so they had decided they would leave it up to what they felt like in the moment. Eddie knew he wanted to feel Buck, wanted the full experience with him, so he eagerly would leave the condom behind.

A second later Buck returned to sit alongside him on the bed, lube in hand. “So, how do you want to do this?” 

Eddie felt shy, his inexperience creeping up on him again. “I want to be able to look at you…” 

Buck smiles wide, “Good, because I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if I couldn’t kiss you.” Buck scooted towards the center of the bed, lying on his back and quickly grabbing a pillow to stuff under his own hips. His legs were spread wide, feet up on the bed with his knees bent. Eddie settled his body in between Buck’s thighs, essentially switching their positions from earlier. Buck looked at him and again he had a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I should’ve known you’d be a missionary man.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes at his teasing. Fine, two can play at this game , he thought. “Ya know what, suddenly I’m not in the mood anymore,” he began to push himself away but Buck was quickly latching onto him, pulling Eddie back in.

“Nooooo, I’m sorry Eds, you know I’m just teasing.” Buck was pouting adorably, which made Eddie laugh. Of course he could dish it out but not take it. (Of course, he'd be taking other things much sooner).

“I know, Cariño,” Eddie placed a kiss on Buck’s forehead before grabbing the lube. “Now, I wanna open you up,” he said, moving his way down Buck’s body to give himself a better angle. “Walk me through it?” Eddie had done a little bit of research on his own, but he didn’t want to just know the generalities; he wanted to know how Buck liked it.

Buck nodded, smiling softly at him, “Start with a decent amount of lube. You don’t need too much right away but hey, better safe than sorry.”

Eddie squeezed out a small portion onto his fingers, rubbing his fingers together to warm up the lube a bit. He brought his finger to Buck’s entrance.

“Start slow. Circle your finger around the rim a little bit and apply just a little bit of pressure.” Eddie followed Buck’s directions diligently, spreading the lube over his hole and feeling the twitch of the taut muscle.

Buck’s eyes fluttered at the sensation, “Yeah, just like that. You can add a finger in now.” Eddie gently pushed into him, making sure not to move too quickly. The intimacy of it was overwhelming, despite the fact that Eddie barely had a finger in him at this point. To be inside Buck like this, trusted to do something so vulnerable, made Eddie’s heart swell with the immense love he had for him. 

He watched reverently as his finger disappeared into Buck, moving slowly to allow Buck to get used to the sensation. Eddie watched Buck’s face for any sign of discomfort, but he found the opposite; Buck was already breathing heavily, clearly lost in the pleasure at the sensation. Eddie had never tried fingering himself, but with how Buck was reacting he couldn’t help but be intrigued, already eager for a future time where they could switch roles.  

Buck moaned, “Another Eddie, please.” Eddie obliged, inserting his middle finger alongside his pointer. With two fingers inside he began stretching Buck in earnest, gently thrusting in and out and lightly scissoring his fingers to get him loose.

“Move up a little and curl your fingers just a bit.” Eddie began searching with his fingers, knowing what Buck was aiming for. “Ah, fuck, yeah a little more…so close. Oh fuck, fuck fuck! ,” Buck was suddenly writhing in pleasure, fucking himself down on Eddie’s fingers, his cock leaking against his stomach.

It was a heavenly sight, and Eddie felt powerful and grateful at being able to reduce Buck to such a state. Giving Buck what he desires, Eddie slowly inserted a third finger, continuing to work Buck open.

It was quick work after that, and after a few more minutes Eddie was pulling his fingers out, Buck whining at the loss. Eddie grabbed the lube again, squeezing some onto his hand before quickly slicking himself up. 

He lined himself up with Buck’s entrance, meeting Buck’s gaze, who smiled at him and gave him the go-ahead. Eddie began to push in, instantly overwhelmed at the tight sensation around his dick. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before, and what made it better was that he was doing this with Buck, his partner and his best friend.

They both groaned as he bottomed out, and Eddie couldn’t stop himself from leaning down to kiss Buck deeply, putting everything into the kiss, wanting Buck to absorb everything he was feeling.

“Move, please Eddie,” Buck panted out, “I need to feel you.”

Eddie wasn’t as big as Buck, but he wasn’t exactly lacking in the size department either, so he began moving slowly, using shallow thrusts to allow Buck time to adjust. His own breath hitched as he felt the drag of his cock move inside Buck.

Eddie had never felt so connected to Buck more than he felt in this moment. He knows they’ve always been codependent to an unhealthy amount, even long before they started dating, but none of it could compare to being inside Buck and knowing him intimately in such a way, and all the trust and devotion that brought them here to this moment.

The rest of the world faded into the background as Eddie pushed deeper into Buck. Buck’s cock was flushed red and dripping, straining between where their bodies were pressed together. He reached down to wrap a hand around him, giving Buck some much-needed friction that caused him to let out a whine.

“Ah, fuck yes,” Buck panted as Eddie matched the pace of his hips with the strokes of his hand. Buck let out a breathy chuckle, “If you keep going like that I’m not gonna last much longer.”

“God Cariño, me too. You’re so tight for me.” Eddie was right there with Buck; he felt like a teenager again, worrying about finishing too early, but Buck simply felt too heavenly wrapped around him for him to care. Eddie welcomed the pleasant buzz growing underneath his skin.

“Harder, Eddie.” 

Eddie unwrapped his hand that was around Buck’s dick, moving his hands to grasp at Buck’s waist as he snapped his hips harder, setting a brutal pace. The caveman side of his brain was telling him to claim, to take, to ruin him. 

Buck practically shouted as one well-aimed thrust hit his prostate. Eddie kept his aim relentlessly on that sweet spot, causing Buck’s eyes to roll back in his head, succumbing to the pleasure. 

It wasn’t long before the obscene sound of their hips slapping and Buck’s moans (taking over the room in a beautiful song) finally caused him to slip over the edge, hips jerking as he chased his release.

Buck quickly followed, the sensation of Eddie filling him up causing him to cum as well. Eddie collapsed on top of Buck, still inside him, needing to catch his breath. He burrowed into Buck’s chest and felt Buck reach up to wrap his arms around his back, keeping them connected. 

They laid together in silence, bodies so tangled that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference where one ended and the other began. As Buck rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back, he was overwhelmed with emotions.

Eddie has struggled so much in his past relationships, and after the Kim situation he had believed that he was simply doomed forever, never able to have a successful relationship. But being here with Buck, finally allowing himself to be happy, made all his struggles worth it; he would repeat everything over and over again to get to hold Buck like this.

Taking this step with Buck felt so, so right, and he never wanted to let go. Eddie’s muscles were sore from exertion, and he could feel Buck’s cum between them getting uncomfortably tacky, but lying here, Buck boneless beneath him, made it all worth it.

“I love you Buck,” he mumbled into Buck’s skin.

“I love you too, Eddie.”

Chapter Text

For the first time in his life, Buck feels settled. Everything he had searched for when he was young and dumb, looking for a place to belong, he now has: he has a job he loves, a strong family network, and a bright future ahead with the love of his life. 

He knows Eddie and Chris have played a huge part in this. When he was driving their new probie to his son’s school after the earthquake all those years ago, he never would have predicted how close they would end up, and how much their connection would grow into something so meaningful, something Buck had never experienced before. His relationship with Eddie was basically the last piece in the puzzle that he’d been trying to solve all his life.

Despite all that, there is one area that he is still struggling to reconcile with; specifically, his role in Chris’ life. 

Buck knows that he and Chris have a unique relationship. Buck has been around for half of Chris’ life, and their shared experiences (and trauma) from the tsunami granted them a unique connection that no one else will ever be able to fully understand. Buck has been there for Chris through thick and thin, and even when he was in Texas and not speaking to his dad, Chris still made a point to reach out to Buck and update him every once in a while (something that made him feel extremely touched yet extremely guilty at the time).

He knows his role in Chris’ life is solidified already - Eddie made sure of that with his will - but he’s been struggling to figure out how to act as his relationship with Eddie evolves; he’s always been like another parent for Chris, but the implications are different now that he and Eddie are together. He’s in this relationship for life, and he can’t help but worry how this may affect things between them.  

He’s been hesitant to discuss things with Eddie. This thing between them is still so new that he was afraid of overstepping too early, but after the past year they’ve both been making a stronger effort to stop keeping their feelings bottled up. Eddie took a huge step for them in their relationship by broaching the topic of sex, and that had ended well (very, very well), so he figured it was his turn to sit Eddie down and have an honest conversation about his feelings. 

He has the perfect opportunity when they get home from shift one day, Chris away at one of his friend’s houses to work on a project, so Buck and Eddie have the time to themselves.

They went through their normal routine, toeing their shoes off and dropping their work duffels off in the bedroom, Buck taking longer than usual while he worked up the courage to talk to Eddie. After dragging his feet around he met Eddie in the kitchen, who was already brewing a pot of coffee for them. It was silent as Buck leaned against the counter, the only noise being the coffee percolating.

“Alright, spill.” Eddie broke the silence, Buck jumping at the abrupt intrusion.

Buck sighed. “That obvious, huh?” Of course Eddie would have picked up on his nerves.

“I know you too well, Buck. You’ve been quiet all day; normally you’d be blabbing away about some article or documentary you watched recently, but you clearly have something on your mind, so what is it?”

“I really can’t hide anything from you, can I?” Buck gave him a rueful smile, “There is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I know I can talk to you about anything, but this feels different.”

Eddie moved towards him, reaching out to hold his hand. “You know I’d never judge you, whatever you need to say, I’ll hear it.”  Eddie’s gaze was soft and reassuring, like a warm hug. Seeing him like this is what made Buck finally spill.

“Um, so I actually wanted to talk to you about . . . Chris.”  

Eddie’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Chris? What, did he say something to you about me or us?” 

“No, no, everything is okay,” Buck quickly reassured Eddie, not wanting his thoughts to spiral. He used his hand clasped with Eddie’s to lead them towards the couch, coffee long forgotten. “It’s nothing bad, just, I’ve been thinking seriously about the three of us and I’m a little, uh, I guess you can say lost about my role with him.”

Buck voices his concerns, telling Eddie about how grateful he’s been to be given such a strong role in Chris’ life until now, but not knowing how their relationship may change things and how he should act. Eddie nods along, knowing Buck and his insecurities from his childhood about his importance, rubbing Buck’s hands soothingly as he explained.   

As he finished his rambling, Eddie leaned forward, placing a kiss right over his birthmark. “Thank you.”

It was Buck’s turn to be confused. “For what?”

Eddie rolled his eyes at him in fond exasperation, “For telling me what you’re feeling. I know you tend to spiral when it comes to your role in our lives, and I will keep telling you for the rest of our lives that you belong here with me, with us.”

Buck felt an overwhelming warmth spread through his body at Eddie’s words.

“And for the record, I already see you as another parent for Christopher. You’ve been in his life as long as Shannon was, if not longer now, and while neither of us could ever replace his mother, you’ve definitely earned your place here as Chris’ other parent.”

Buck’s eyes watered as Eddie spoke, overwhelmed with emotion. 

“You’ve been there for Chris every day since you two met, from all those trips to the zoo when Chris was younger, from the tsunami to the shooting, even all the support you gave him - and me - while we were in Texas. You’ve done so much for the both of us and there is no doubt in mind that you belong with us, forever.”

Buck is fully crying at this point; having a family is everything he’s ever wanted and here Eddie is telling him he already has one with the Diazes unflinchingly, no doubts in his mind. He leans into Eddie, wrapping him up into a tight hug, the weight of his worries falling off his shoulders as Eddie holds him back and whispers gentle reassurances. 

He pulls back, wiping at his eyes, nose still sniffling. “I think I really needed to hear that.”

Eddie reaches towards him, his hand landing on his shoulder, thumb pressing into his collarbone; a touch he’s begun to associate with Eddie after all these years.

Eddie stares into his eyes, “Of course, Buck. Like I said, I’ll repeat it every day if I have to if that’s what it takes to make you feel like you belong here.”

“Thank you, Eddie.” Buck ducked his head, blush spreading across his cheeks. “There is still one other thing though?” 

“Of course, Cariño, anything you want.”

“I know we’ve been basically co-parenting for years now, but I was wondering if you could help me take on a more prominent role in that? I know Chris is getting older and doesn’t need as much parenting and guidance like he did when he was younger, but I’ve been struggling to figure out how I should act with him now that we’re actually together. I guess I’m just afraid of overstepping now that things are changing…”

A soft look overtook Eddie’s face. “Oh Buck, you could never overstep here. Like I said, you are his father, and while I’ve never talked directly to Chris about it, I know he sees you as his father too.”

Eddie’s words reassured him further, and Buck was so glad that he had a partner who was so willing to listen and take his feelings and opinions into account.

“I get that it may be hard for you to step into such a distinct parental role with Chris now that we’re together, so how about I help you along?” Buck tilted his head, intrigued by the idea. “I’ll make a more conscious effort to include you and defer to you in more fatherly duties, that way there will be a clearer acknowledgment of your role and your involvement with Chris?”

Buck felt relief run through him, Eddie somehow knowing exactly what he needed to help him feel better about the situation. “Yeah, I think I would like that.” Buck had felt like he was floundering, so having that extra guidance would make all the difference for him.

Eddie leaned forward, placing a kiss on his forehead right on top of his birthmark. “Anything for you, Buck.”

* * * 

Buck’s conversation with Eddie had settled something in him, silencing that nagging voice in the back of his head that was constantly whispering doubts to him. It was reassuring to be acknowledged, and to have Eddie not only accept his worries but find a way to ease them.

However, while he and Eddie had discussed the situation at length, it shocked him when the theoretical turned into reality.

It happened when they were all at home together on a quiet Saturday afternoon. Buck and Eddie were both taking care of household chores: Buck folding laundry in the living room while Eddie was in the dining room catching up on some paperwork the school needed about Christopher for an upcoming field trip. Chris was with his dad in the dining room, staying home instead of going out with his friends to work on a research project for school.

“Hey Dad,” Chris said, breaking the silence of the day, “Can you read over this section for me and sign off on it? We’re supposed to have a parent peer review our writing before turning it in, and I need proof that I got it.”

Eddie, who hadn’t even looked up from his forms, distractedly waved Chris off, “I gotta finish this first, why don’t you go ask your Buck.”

Buck, eavesdropping on the conversation (he can’t help but overhear from the next room over), froze at Eddie’s casual acknowledgment as Buck as Chris’ other parent. He knew Buck and Eddie had come to an agreement, but to hear him put it so bluntly was a shock to his system.

He heard Chris’ crutches clacking along the floor in his direction and snapped back into action, finishing the fold on a pair of pants and setting it aside right as Chris entered the room. He plopped himself down onto the couch next to him.

“Hey Buck, I need you to review my writing, can you help me?” Suddenly he leaned in closer, whispering in his ear, “As much as I love Dad, he just doesn’t get my history lessons like you do, and I don’t think he would’ve been much help.”

Buck smiled at him, chuckling softly at Chris’ teen-like attitude. “Of course! Bring it here.”

“Thanks, Buck!”

* * *

Since that first incident, things between Buck and Chris had been going smoothly; Eddie did as promised and kept outwardly acknowledging his role as Chris’ other parent and Buck was feeling more included and loved than ever.

So of course, right as things were getting better is when the universe decides to pull the rug out from underneath him.

It was an off day for everybody: Buck and Eddie’s alarm went off late so they were rushing all morning and Chris was tired and cranky because he stayed up all night to study for a test the following day. Needless to say, no one was happy. 

That gloom carried on throughout the rest of the day. Buck swears that someone must have used the q-word, because they were on nonstop calls all day. They only had a 12-hour shift that day, but by the time they made it home they were both dead on their feet.

The day wasn’t any better for Chris either. As they called him to dinner they were greeted by a sulking teen, not his usual chatty self. 

The meal was tense: Buck and Eddie were just trying to stay awake long enough to eat and Chris was giving clipped answers to their questions.

Eventually, something snapped.

Chris had been reaching across the table for another napkin when he knocked over the salt shaker, tipping it over the edge of the table and leaving a mess of salt and smashed porcelain on the ground.

They all jumped at the crash, and Buck quickly jumped up to take care of the spill before anyone else could get injured, rushing into the kitchen to grab a broom and dust pan.

“Oh jeez Chris, make sure you’re a little more careful next time, alright?” Buck asked as he brushed up the tiny shards and grains of salt.

“UGH don’t nag, it’s so annoying, " Chris lashed out, abruptly standing up and causing his chair to scrape across the floor. “I’m done eating. I’m going to bed,” and he practically ran down the hall, slamming his room door behind him. 

Buck and Eddie both stood there, absolutely floored at how the situation had escalated. 

Realistically he knew that Chris wasn’t actually mad at him for the spilt salt, there must be something else bothering him too, but he felt his eyes start to water at the unexpected harshness in Chris’ voice. He and Chris had never had a big fight before, and he didn’t realize how painful it was to be on the wrong end of his teenage attitude.

He sniffed, trying to hold back his tears unsuccessfully,  alerting Eddie to his current state. “Hey, come here Cariño,” Eddie pulled him into his arms, rubbing his back soothingly. “He didn’t mean it, I know he didn’t. He loves you and was probably just lashing out for something else.” 

“I know, Eds, it just caught me off guard is all,”  Eddie pulled back, wiping away Buck’s tears for him. 

“Here’s what we’re going to do: I’ll bring you some water. You can sit here and calm down while I clean up dinner, then we can go talk to Chris together after he’s had some time to cool down.” 

Buck began to protest, “But Eddie-” but he was swiftly interrupted.

“No ‘buts’. You cooked, so it would be my turn to clean anyway, and I know you need time to calm down. I’ve got it,” Eddie pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and he was off.

Eddie cleaned the table and kitchen in silence while Buck reflected. He was lost in thought for what felt like hours, but he knew it couldn't have been longer than 20 minutes, before they were walking down the hall towards Chris’ room.

Eddie knocked lightly, “Chris, can we talk?”

It was silent for a minute, but then the door swung open, Chris standing there with his head ducked. “Yeah,” he shuffled towards his bed, Buck and Eddie sitting down on either side of him.

Buck never had to deal with something like this before; disciplining Chris had always been Eddie’s job while Buck got to be the good cop. Unsure of what to say, he sat waiting to follow Eddie’s lead.

“Chris,” Eddie began, “What you said to Buck wasn’t very nice and seemed to come out of nowhere, so what’s up? This type of behavior is very unusual for you and we want to know what caused it.”

Chris sighed, “I dunno, I’ve just had a rough day. I’ve been tired all day. I didn’t fail my test, but I didn’t do as well as I hoped with my extra studying, and then I was dealing with friend drama at school. The salt shaker breaking was just the last straw, I guess.” It broke Buck’s heart to watch his eyes fill with frustrated tears.

Eddie slung an arm around Chris’ shoulders, pressing a kiss onto his forehead, “Oh mijo, I’m sorry you had a rough day. But, that’s no excuse for how you treated Buck. You really hurt his feelings when you called him annoying.”

Chris turned towards Buck, remorse written all over his face, “I’m so, so sorry Buck. I didn’t mean it, I swear, I was just frustrated and took it out on you.”

“It’s ok Chris, I know,” Buck smiled lightly at Chris, “But next time you are feeling overwhelmed like that you can talk to me or your dad about it. Your dad and I never want you to feel like you have to keep your feelings bottled up, alright?”

“I know, but I could tell you both were also having a bad day and I didn’t want to make you worry more.”

Buck’s heart squeezed at that sentiment. It was wonderful that Chris cared so much about their feelings, but it made Buck sad to think that he would sacrifice his own wellbeing to make them feel better. He’s just a kid (teenager, Buck corrects himself) he shouldn’t have to worry like that.

“Oh Chris, you could never worry us by sharing your feelings,” Eddie seemed to be following the same train of thought as Buck. “In fact, it makes us feel so good when you feel comfortable with us to share, no matter how any of us are doing. Never feel guilty for coming to us when you need it, alright?”

“Thanks Dad,” Chris mumbled.

“That being said,” Eddie looked sternly at Chris, “We’re not going to punish you tonight, you were willing to communicate with us and we’re glad you did, but if you lash out again there will be consequences. I know it’s been a little weird having Buck take up a more direct parental role, but he still deserves to be treated with respect.”

Chris looked bashful again, “I understand.”

“I love you Chris,” It was Buck’s turn to squeeze him up into a hug, “And I just want what’s best for you, and for you to be happy.”

“I know. I love you too Buck. And you too, Dad.”

Buck smiled at Eddie over Chris’ head, glad they were able to figure things out and clear the air.. “Alright bring it in, family hug!” he opened his arms to embrace Eddie and Chris, squeezing so tight that Chris groaned in response.

Sure, the night hadn’t gone as he’d expected - he was still not used to being on Chris’ bad side - but as they sat there wrapped up in each other’s arms and their forgiveness, there was nowhere else he’d rather be than with his boys.

* * * 

The Chris incident had definitely made Buck feel unsteady; Chris was a teenager now, so they should have known that it wouldn’t be all smooth sailing, but nonetheless the brief setback caught him off gaurd. Thankfully, the three of them were able to sit down and discuss how things would look moving forward. Of course, Buck knew Eddie would never give up on them, and he was continuously finding ways to prove it.

Another instance was thrust upon him one day when there was a mix-up in their usual schedule. And while Buck didn’t know it yet, this would be the instance that would change Buck and Chris’ relationship forever. 

Eddie forgot he had agreed to cover a shift for Jameson on B-shift, who was taking the day off to go watch his daughter’s dance recital. Unfortunately for him, he had a conference with one of Chris’ teachers planned for that day to discuss his involvement with the science club that he’d now have to miss.

“Can you go to Chris’ meeting in my place?” Eddie asked as he frantically ran around the house, hastily packing his things as he was running late for his shift. “It took so long to find a day and time that worked for us, and I’d hate to have to reschedule.”

“Eddie, are you sure?” Buck leaned over to let Eddie balance against him as tugged on his shoes, “You and Chris have been talking about this for a week, I don’t know if I’m the right person  for this…”

“Relax Buck, it'll be fine,” Eddie grabbed his keys off the hook by the door. “His teacher - her name is Mrs. Jones by the way - only really needs me there to sign off on some forms stating we were informed about some changes in club policy; they don’t really trust the kids to pass along the information. I know you’ll do great,” he gave Buck a quick peck on the lips, “Alright, gotta go, love you!” and with that, he was rushing out the door.

Buck stood there stunned, this new responsibility thrust upon him. His relationship with Chris had been getting better, the lines becoming clearer, but he had never been given such a big responsibility like this before (and with no warning at that). Sure, he had attended parent-teacher conferences and PTA bake sales for Chris before, but always with Eddie by his side. To go on his own, not with Eddie but in place of him, made him nervous.

Regardless, Eddie believed in him, so when the time came he got Chris loaded into the car and shuttled him over to school for the meeting.

His palms were sweaty as Chris led the way to his classroom, a nice looking woman greeting them at the door.

“Oh hello Chris, looks like you and your father are just on time,” she cheerily waved them into the room towards her desk. “Mr. Diaz, so nice to officially meet you in person!”

Buck blushed bright red at being called Mr. Diaz. He thought about actually becoming a Diaz legally, the idea of being married to Eddie filled his stomach with butterflies, but he quickly pushed those thoughts down because now was simply not the time or place. 

“Oh, uh, I’m not Mr. Diaz,” he said, wringing his hands together awkwardly. “Eddie had something come up and couldn’t make it today. I’m Chris’ other guardian, Evan Buckley, but I prefer to go by Buck,” he reached over to shake her hand.

She clapped her hands together enthusiastically, “Oh of course Buck, you’re Christopher’s other father. I’ve heard so much about you; the PTA parents all rave about your contributions to the annual bake sale!”

“Haha, wow, I’m glad to hear that,” he thanked her bashfully, a bit awkward knowing that the others talk about him when he’s not around. “So Eddie didn’t have much time to fill me in: what do I need to know about the club?”

From there they jumped into business, discussing everything Buck and Chris would need to know about events, fundraising, and participation for the rest of the school year. As they talked, he felt himself relaxing into his role, the nerves he had felt about replacing Eddie subsiding as he took notes on everything.

They wrapped up not much later, Buck thanking Mrs. Jones for her time before following Chris back out to the car. 

“Hey Buck,” Chris asked, already pulling himself into the passenger seat as Buck loaded his crutches into the backseat, “Can we go get ice cream on the way home?”

As he rounded the car to the driver’s side he glanced at his watch. It was 4:30, which meant they had just enough time to stop on the way home, and it was still early enough that it wouldn’t absolutely ruin their appetite for dinner. 

“I think that’s a great idea, kid!” He hopped into his seat, starting the car as Chris groaned.

“Ugh, stop calling me that, I’m not a kid anymore.”

Buck sighed wistfully in response as he pulled out of the lot, “You’ll always be a kid to me, Chris.”

Chris rolled his eyes, “Ok, sure Buck.” 

* * *

It was a ten minute drive to the ice cream parlor, and soon enough they were seated with their bowls of ice cream (Cookie dough for Chris and strawberry for Buck).

Since Chris and Eddie have returned from Texas they’ve been spending all their time together as a group, so it was nice to get some one-on-one time with just him and Chris. They chatted for a little bit, Chris explaining some drama that happened the previous day at school, but eventually they settled into silence, just happy to be in each other’s presence. 

It’s quiet as they eat for a while before Chris pipes up again, a bit less animated and more reserved than earlier, “You know she wasn’t wrong, right?”

The sudden jump in conversation had him confused. “Who wasn’t wrong about what?”

“Mrs. Jones when she called you my other father. Because you are.” Chris looks at him, a determined glint in his eyes, “I do see you as another dad, I have for years.”

Buck’s eyes snapped to Chris’, seeing nothing but honesty in his eyes. 

“It was hard being in Texas without you, you know?” Chris’ gaze turned downward. “My grandparents didn’t get it; I know we kept in touch, but they were also so confused when I talked about missing you so much. They didn’t understand that I wasn’t just missing my dad’s friend, but I was missing my other dad.”

Buck felt tears begin to form, touched by Chris’ words. He knew how he had felt when Chris was gone - that he felt like he was missing a kid of his own - but he didn’t realize that Chris returned the sentiment so strongly. 

The tears started to fall as he realized that that was the first time Chris outwardly referred to him as dad to his face (instead of referring to him as Buck or his other parent).

“Is that what you want to call me now? Dad?” He asked hesitantly. 

“Maybe sometimes,” Chris smirked at him, his teenage snarkiness showing through, “it’s a bit weird since I’ve known you as ‘Buck’ for so long, but it’ll be so much easier explaining how we’re family to all of my friends. If that’s okay with you, at least.”

Buck sniffled, overcome with love for his son, “I think I’d like that.” He can’t believe how this day went from stressful to one of the happiest days of his life, but here he is on a random Tuesday, crying in an ice cream parlor. 

He leaned over, not being able to resist pressing a kiss into Chris’ curls. “I love you, Chris.”

Chris smiled broadly at him, “I love you too, Dad!”

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day at home together, and Eddie was wholly content. As he laid on the couch watching a baseball game, Buck across from him reading a new book, his mind wandered to the past year and the evolution of their relationship.

It had been about two months since they started dating, and he felt as if things had finally settled. It had been awkward at first, no doubt. The physical and emotional transition from friends to lovers made them hesitant, but the positives far outweighed the negatives and Eddie couldn’t be happier. With time, Eddie and Buck had established a well-oiled routine, and things were finally all lined up perfectly, running as smooth as ever.

Because of this, Eddie had been thinking. He’s been thinking about it for a while, and he believed it was finally time to take the next step in their relationship (no, not marriage). Yes, it was finally time to reveal their relationship to their 118 friends and family. They had initially decided to hide the change in their relationship status to avoid the pressure or expectations from the others, but now that things have settled Eddie wanted to do nothing more than share his love for Buck with his favorite people.

The problem is, he didn’t know when to bring it up to Buck. He knew that once he presented the idea to him it would be impossible to keep it a secret for much longer; Buck wasn’t as bad at Chimney at spilling secrets, but Eddie thought that if Buck got too excited he might slip up at work and forget to hide their coupley behavior.

Which would be fine, Eddie supposed. That would certainly be the easiest way to reveal their relationship to the team, but they’d been through so much together, they had taken so long to get here, that he felt the announcement deserved at least a little more celebration. While Eddie himself wasn’t big on parties and an overwhelming amount of attention on him, he knew Buck would want something bigger as well, which meant he had to come up with another idea.

* * *

Luckily, an obvious solution presented itself to him a few days later: The Grant-Nashes were hosting a gathering at their house the upcoming Saturday, and after confirming all three of their schedules, they sent a text along stating they would be there with some wine (and some soda for the kids) at 5:00 sharp!

“So Buck, I’ve been thinking…”

Buck quickly interrupted, “Uh oh, that’s never good,” smiling at Eddie cheekily.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “But seriously, I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I think we should tell our friends about us at the barbecue.” Eddie watched Buck’ eyes grow wide, clearly not expecting something so serious to spring from Eddie’s mouth. 

“Wow Eds, uh, can’t say I expected that,” It was endearing how Buck stuttered over his words. Eddie loved how Buck got when he was all flustered. “Uh this seems like an important conversation, should we head to the couch?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable,” Eddie smiled reassuringly as he followed Buck to the living room. If he wanted to have this conversation on the couch, who was Eddie to disagree?

They sat with a bit of space between them so they could easily face each other. Eddie could tell Buck was nervous, so he reached over to take Buck’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs across the back of them in a comforting motion. 

Eddie was the one to spring the conversation on Buck, so he took the lead. “I know I said I was ready to tell our friends, but I guess I got ahead of myself. Is that something you’d want? Something you feel ready for?”

“Yes Eddie, of course!” Clearly the shock had worn away to enthusiasm at the idea. “You know I’m a romantic, and I’d love to be able to introduce you as my partner and share how much I love you with everyone. I just didn’t think this would happen so soon.” 

Buck was underselling himself when he said he was a romantic; Eddie didn’t know anyone who wanted (and deserved) love and to be loved loudly. Buck was such a kind, caring soul who brought sunshine wherever he went, and Eddie was extremely grateful for Buck and his patience as they worked out the transition from friends to lovers. But now it was finally time for them to share their relationship with others.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s been great getting to have our relationship just for ourselves - well, us and Chris - for the time being,” Buck continued. “But it has been hard keeping it from the others. You have no idea how many times I’ve almost slipped up when talking to Maddie or accidentally called you ‘Princess’ at work.”

They both laughed, Eddie blushing red like he always did when Buck called him that, “And thank God you didn’t, because there's definitely no way we could come up with a platonic explanation for that.”

Eddie felt Buck squeeze his hands, “Okay, but getting serious again, I gotta ask: how are you feeling about coming out? Cause I know that this isn’t just a relationship reveal for you, it’s sharing a new, big part of yourself, which can be scary.” Buck got quieter as he spoke. “I didn’t really get the best chance at coming out to the team at Maddie’s wedding - hell, our relationship got exposed from us sharing soot, so I really just want to make sure you don’t feel pressured so you have a better experience than I did.”

Once again Eddie felt rage building up in his body due to Tommy Kinard and how awfully he treated Buck when they were together. Eddie had already known about Buck and Tommy dating so he hadn’t thought too much about them being obviously together at the wedding. 

Now, knowing that Buck got thrust into it because Kinard kissed him and couldn’t be bothered to wipe away the evidence after pissed him off. Buck didn’t deserve to be treated with such disrespect, and Eddie would be forever thankful for their breakup so he could personally treat Buck like he deserved. 

“That’s exactly why I feel comfortable enough to come out. Buck, you have never pressured me or pushed me into it, hell, this conversation is proof of that; you didn’t even think to bring up this discussion until I was ready.” 

Eddie knew that if it weren’t for Buck and his unwavering love and support, he may still be hiding his true self, and he couldn’t possibly give Buck enough credit for the positive influence he’s had on him since they became friends (and ultimately boyfriends).

“I’m more than ready to come out and tell our friends about our relationship. I’m proud of us and want to finally be able to show you off as my partner, Buck.”

Buck smiled at him, eyes watering, and suddenly he felt himself being pulled into a hug. Buck squeezed him tight and Eddie felt himself surrendering to Buck wholeheartedly.

“I’m so proud of you Eddie,” Buck kissed the side of his head. “I can’t wait till Saturday when I can finally tell the others you’re mine!”

* * * 

Saturday finally arrived, and Eddie could tell Buck was nervous. As they gathered Chris and their things, Buck was nervously flitting from room to room, double and triple checking things with ruthless precision. When Eddie turned the corner into the kitchen to see Buck checking items off an actual clipboard ( where had he even gotten that? And why did he need it, they were only bringing wine… ) he figured it was time to intervene.

He walked over to Buck, plucking the clipboard out of his hands, causing an adorable pout to take over his face. “Hey, I wasn’t done with that!” Buck reached out trying to take it back, but Eddie was quicker, hiding it behind his back and out of reach.

“Buck, take a deep breath and calm down.” Eddie took a deep breath himself, motioning for Buck to follow his lead. “I know you’re nervous, but there’s nothing to be worried about. I’m not nervous, and I’m the one who has to come out to everyone, so why are you acting more worried than I am?”

“I’m not nervous for me, I’m nervous for you.” Buck sighed. “I know you don’t really care, but this is a big deal for you Eds, and I just want everything to go well.”

Eddie was so fond of his partner and his capacity to care so deeply about things. “Oh Cariño, it’s all going to be okay. Our friends are nothing but supportive, and while they may tease us a little bit, there is no doubt in my mind that they will be happy for me. Happy for us.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Buck acquiesced, finally seeming to settle. “I guess I just got in my head again.”

Eddie finally placed the clipboard back down on the counter so he could reach for Buck and pull him in, “I know, and that’s why I’m here to balance you out.” He smacked a kiss onto Buck’s birthmark. “Now we really have to get going. All your fretting is going to make us late.”

Buck scoffed, “Um, rude? Here I am worrying for you, and all you’re worried about is being late. Some boyfriend you are,” he rolled his eyes jokingly, playing up his hurt.

“Yeah, poor you,” Eddie mock pouted at Buck, matching Buck’s energy. “Now, C’mon cowboy, if we stand here any longer Chris is gonna get back to his game and then we’ll definitely be late.” Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand (to make sure he didn’t try and go back for the clipboard), leading him along to finish getting ready for the barbecue.

* * * 

If you didn’t take into account their plan to reveal their relationship to their friends, the barbecue started off pretty normal. Buck spent his time grilling with Bobby while catching up with Maddie and Jee. Eddie spent his time chatting with Karen and Ravi. Hen, Chim, and Athena were loosely entertaining the kids. It was nice. 

They had previously decided to tell everyone once they had sat down at the table to eat, not wanting to take all the attention for themselves as the group caught up and relaxed, and Eddie felt his nerves finally rising to the surface as Bobby called them all over to grab their food.

Dinner started normally, light chatter and moans of approval being heard as people dug into their food. Eddie, however, was quiet. He had felt so confident when he brought up the idea of coming clean to Buck, but as he sat there he was suddenly frozen. He kept opening his mouth to speak, but nothing was coming out (literally). 

He felt the heavy weight of Buck’s questioning eyes on the side of his head, clearly noticing his unease. Buck leaned closer, whispering into his ear, “Hey, are you okay? If you’re scared we don’t have to tell the others about us today, we’ll find another time.” Thankfully the talking and laughter around the table was loud enough so no one else could hear him over the noise.

Eddie turned towards Buck, meeting his eyes, “No, I want to do it,” he whispered back. “I just, I don’t know how to start.”

Buck’s eyes turned soft, “Do you want me to do it?” Eddie nodded, putting his trust in Buck to make their announcement go as smoothly as possible.

Buck cleared his throat, standing up and exclaiming loudly, “Hey everyone, can I get your attention? I’ve got an announcement to make.”

Everyone’s conversations began dying down, all eyes turning towards him. Eddie gulped. 

This is it.

He’s finally going to be out to his team.

They’re finally going to share their relationship with others.

“Right,” Buck stood awkwardly under everyone’s stares. “So, uh, recently something big has happened. Something life changing, and I’m finally ready to share it with you all.”

“Oh God, please don’t tell us that you’re moving now too,” Chim joked. “I don’t think any of us can handle you and Eddie being separated again.”

Buck chuckled awkwardly, “Um no, it’s actually kinda the opposite, in fact.” He looked down at Eddie, who smiled up reassuringly at him. “I’m still living with Eddie. I’m going to keep living with Eddie.  Permanently. Because Eddie and I are officially dating!” Eddie reached over and grabbed Buck’s hand, squeezing it lightly as their friends and family took in his words.

It was quiet for about ten seconds as everyone processed the information before the table erupted into chaos. It was like a bomb went off, everyone shouting over each other and demanding answers. Multiple conversations were started simultaneously. There was shouting and cheering, and it was instantly overwhelming.

The cacophony of noise startled Eddie. It was nearly impossible to read everyone’s reactions, but as he watched their friends' reactions - it was too amusing not to - he did notice a fair amount of smiles or cheering which boded well for them. 

Thankfully, Bobby was willing to take control of the overwhelming situation. He clapped loudly, drawing eyes and pausing everyone in their place.

“I’m sure if we all settle down, Buck and Eddie will have answers for all of us,” he looked pointedly down the table, and everyone instantly fell in line (his combined captain energy and disapproving dad energy stunning everyone back into silence). 

From there, all eyes were back on Buck and Eddie.

Buck did the hard part, ripping off the bandaid for them both, so now it was Eddie’s time to shine.

He cleared his throat, “So, uh, you’re all aware of how hard the past year has been for me. Chris going to Texas, the move, leaving the 118. I had a lot of time to sit around and reflect, and long story short I realized…” his eyes turned down nervously. He paused, taking in a deep breath, “I’m gay.”

He looked up to see all the others looking back at him with smiles on their faces. 

“Thank you for telling us,” Hen smiled at him. “We’re all so proud of you, Eddie.” The others all congratulated him as well, nodding in agreement.

He exhaled, the weight of the world falling off his shoulders at their words. At his friends’ acceptance.

“After I realized I was gay, the rest fell easily into place. I realized that what I felt for Buck was not just friendship but love, so when I came back I confessed my feelings, which he returned. We’ve been dating ever since.”

“Wait, wait,” Maddie interrupted, “You’re telling me you’ve been dating since you moved back - nearly two months ago - and no one knew?”

“Only Chris,” Eddie confirmed. “Buck wanted to tell you at least Maddie, but you’re married to mister blabbermouth over there-”

“I resent that!” Chimney shouted out in indignation.

Eddie chuckled “And we wanted to figure things out without any outside pressure or influence, so we decided it was best to keep it quiet until we felt ready to tell you all.”

“I’m surprised you two managed to hide it at work,” Bobby eyed them, looking genuinely impressed. “Speaking of, you two will have to sign some paperwork together next shift, but I have no problem signing off on and defending your relationship to the brass. If you managed to hide it this long, I have no doubt that you two will continue to remain professional on the job.” 

Bobby reached over to clap Buck’s shoulder, smiling at them both, and Eddie looked over to see Buck beaming right back.

That was one of the few things he had worried about when they decided to come out. Eddie loved working with Buck as his partner. He had fought so hard to get back to his rightful place by Buck’s side after Texas, and they both would have been devastated if they had to give that up. He knew eventually if one of them aimed for a leadership position things would have to change, but they were both content with their roles now, so that was something they could discuss more in a few years.

Eddie’s heart also warmed at Bobby’s approval, not just as their captain, but as Buck’s pseudo-father figure. He knew how much Bobby meant to Buck and vice-versa, so knowing that Bobby not only approved of their relationship but was happy for them? That meant everything.

“Well thank God,” Ravi exclaimed, ruining the touching moment. “It was horrible listening to Buck pine over you while you were gone. I know more about Eddie - and Chris - than I ever needed to know.” Ravi trailed off, eyes fogging over as if he was being pulled into some unpleasant memories. 

Eddie watched a gorgeous red flush take over Buck’s face, who was now refusing to meet Eddie’s eyes. Interesting. Eddie would definitely be asking Buck more about that when they got home tonight. 

“Well since someone ,” Maddie chimed in, glaring playfully at Buck, “hasn’t told me anything about this,  you’re now obligated to tell us all everything. So spill.”

So that’s what they did. Buck and Eddie spent the rest of dinner telling the others about Eddie’s confession, their first date, and everything that came after. It was one of the best nights of life, sitting there with his friends and family, finally getting to be his authentic self by sharing his love for Buck with everyone. 

It was a stark contrast to how he had felt a year ago. The year, which had been shaping up to be the worst of his life, quickly transformed into one of the best with Buck’s endless love and support. 

As he sat there with his hands intertwined with Buck’s, sharing their love with the 118, he knew everything was worth it; this was exactly where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.