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It was the year that was supposed to be the 101 anual hunger games. I say supposed becouse this was the 25th year without one,  after the revolution. It should be an evening with friends and the rest of the surviving victors. Johanna and Annie have made the way to 12. Even Annies son promised to come.

However this should be the evening. This morning all surviving Victors of 12 would have a brunch. This is were Katniss was going to right now. Peeta was at their house to make breakfast for their children. He would meet me at Haymitchs. That was how it was. Every 5 years the three remaining victors would have brunch. It was the last "fuck you" all of them could give Snow and his goverment of horror. He tried so hard to make all of them to mistrust eachother, so he should roll in his grave seeing them yet.

In my hands a cake. I remembered it like yesterday, that evening 20 years ago.

I was staying the night before their first brunch. I didn't feel well so Haymitch offered me his spare bedroom so i could attend the brunch without the risk to feel even more unwell the next day. It was late that evening as i got up to get some water as i've found Haymitch at his couch with an bottle of alcohol in his hand staring at an old photograf in his other. At this point in his life it was almost impossible to find him like this. Haymitch worked so hard to stay sober for me, Peeta and our kids. Our kids he loved more than his life, the kids he let call him gramps, the kids he would give, in an instant, his life for.  That was the night i stayed at his side, the night he would let me look into his soul, the night he gave me all his secrets to keep. However, she got off point. This was the night he allowed me to know why he was so hevaly drunk on reaping days. He allowed me to know that this was his birthday, a birthday he had to spend 24 years to meet two children he could never save, no matter how much he tried. This was the first night i would drink as heavely as he did. And at the next day Peeta would find us together at Haymitch couch, still drunk and with red spots all over our faces.

We never told him why we would be so heavely drunk  that night and Peeta would never ask us to explain it to him. He knew that me and Haymitch are the only family one of us had left and he knew us, he knew that both of us were so similar, he would have held Haymitch for my biological father if Peeta didn't knew that he was not. Though the next year i would get Peeta to bake me a cake i would bring to Haymitch. I would always be alone delivering the cake. That was the other reason why I was alone right now.

And just as I opend the backdoor of Haymitchs, there were an almost golden light right in frond of me. The only thing I could feel after was the gravity pulling me down as i fell. And with an terrible cry my eyes wrench open.

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I shot up so quickly that it was difficult to even see my movements. And as I sat there silently, my senses picked up on something that I hadn't heard or better said couldn't hear for decades. The sweet voice of my little sister, my little duckling. What was this - was this a dream or rather, a nightmare? "Katniss, Katniss are you okay?" I took a deep breath. If this was a dream, I wouldn't miss a chance to spend the time with my little duckling. "I'm fine, Prim. Everything is fine, there's nothing to worry about, little duckling." I could see that Prim didn't buy it, but that was fine. Prim and later Haymitch and Peeta were the only ones who could see through me at all times and everywhere.

I looked around as Prim approached her still sleeping mother's bed. I wasn't aware that my subconscious could remember so many details of our old home in the Seam. And as i watched Prim snuggle up to our mother, i could see all the scratch marks that Buttercup left behind on our bedside. And i was also able to see the broken window with the long crack. I really weren't aware that I remembered the exact arrangement of these things. It took a few more minutes of me looking around in a daze before i noticed that Prim was trying to get my attention. "-niss, Katniss" i looked up. "Aren't you going to the forest before school today? I thought you wanted to do this today." I looked at Prim perplexed. "School?" Prim looked at me worriedly, as if she was trying to find out if something had happend and Katniss knew that Prim was slowly realizing that something was seriously wrong. "Yes, school. It's the first day of school after the New Year. It's the year you turn 16 and I turn 12." Katniss nodded. Of course, the year of the 74th Hunger Games.

My subconscious seemed to find it amusing to send me to the beginning of everything. And so I looked at the little chair in the corner where, if I remembered correctly and my subconscious wasn't playing tricks on me, I had always laid out our clothes the night before. I were right. So I grabbed my clothes and turned to my little sister. "I'll change and see what I can find for breakfast, you change and get ready for school, all right little duckling?" I watched as Prim nodded enthusiastically and made my way to the kitchen with my clothes for today. It didn't take long and shortly after I had changed myself and packed two pieces of our bread on the table and two more with some rabbit meat for school, Prim had dressed and jumped into the kitchen with her book bag. And so i pressed the piece of bread into her hands before we set off to school.

I remembered the original day well. It was a shortened day. There was a surprisingly heavy snowfall and we were sent home shortly after lunch because no one wanted to take the risk of all the children being trapped in school. And so we set off together until we  separated at the flagpole. Prim made her way to the middle school and i went to the high school across the street. It wasn't until i had entered my math classroom that i remembered. Peeta. My Peeta, my boy with the bread, my dandelions, my hope. I would have to deal with a version of my husband that i didn't know. With a version that didn't know what he had sacrificed for me. A version that didn't know that i loved him as much as he loved me. A version that didn't know how far i would go just to see him beeing happy. The thought made me cringe and yet i knew that i would give up this love if it meant i could see him as he was again, before the Capitol took that away from him. How they had taken so much from him.

I collapsed into my seat. It didn't take long until i sank into my thoughts again and was only taken out of it when Madge collapsed into her seat and placed her things on the table. 'Madge' another person who was lost. I responded to the smile that Madge sent me with a reflexive nod before i slipped back into my thoughts and only came out of them again when class was almost at the end and yet i could see Peeta's back three rows in front of me. Even my interaction with my little duckling that same morning couldn't prepare me to watch him. Unbroken. Radiant. Bright. Alive. I could feel the tears in my eyes rise and was very happy when the bell rang and i could quickly make my way to my next class. This one without Peeta. And so my day continued. I took off into the air and didn't notice anything. Even at lunch I retreated to an unknown corner of the building. My day only changed again when i was on my way to my History of Panem class. The announcement that i awaited patiently all day rang out at school. "All students are asked to go home" I could see the confused faces of the other children and yet i've just made my way to the flagpole to collect Prim and go home. I've reached both goals almost in record time.

And when we gotten home, i put on my hunting gear, because as much as i wanted to stay with Prim, the fridge was empty and even in a dream conjured up by my subconscious, i would never even thinking of sending Prim to sleep with an empty stomach. Not if i could change this.  And so it was for the next three hours before the heaviest snow, Prim did her schoolwork and i looked at what i could find to eat. It didn't take long before i reached the gap in the fence in the meadow. I quickly slipped under it, scurried into the forest and grabbed my bow from the tree stump in which it was hidden. Armed, I ventured deeper into the forest. I quickly decided that i could try a different route in this dream. It's not like it counts for anything. And i quickly realized that this was a great idea. After a short while i stumbled upon a thicket of stinging nettles and right next to them was sorrel. For the cold months this was a great find. Both made wonderful soup. I quickly grabbed a large enough amount that should be enough for this evening and tomorrow. I noticed that the snow was getting thicker and i knew that i were running out of time.

I turned on my heel and started walking back. However this time too, i took a path a little different as then, as i still had the hope of finding something wild. But luck wasn't on my side and i didn't encounter any wild animals. When i had finally reached the edge of the forest, i hid my bow in the hollow tree trunk again and made my way home through the gap in the fence. On the way to our little house i hardly met anyone. And so i've ended my day as we so often did during this time. For dinner i had made soup from the nettles and the sorrel i found in the forest. Then i did her homework, even if i didn't see the point in doing it, as this was just an extremely vivid dream. When i had finished my work i grabbed my little duckling and pulled her into my arms and into our bed. So it happened that the last thing i saw was the blonde hair of her Primrose. 'That was a beautiful dream.'

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And the next time i opened my eyes, you could see the horror creeping into my face. Katniss knew she could be stubborn, and she also knew she was great at living in denial, but this? This was a new pinnacle of that achievement, even for me. Because i didn't wake up in a room in our house, or even Haymitch's. Not in a hospital room in 12 or the Capitol. No, i woke up in the room where i fell asleep in my dream last night. I woke up in our old room in the Seam. I could see Prim next to me, and i could also see our mother across the room.

Katniss could explain away a lot of things or simply deny them completely, and yet even i could see that something was deeply wrong here. However even though i was great at ignoring things, there was one thing i would never dare to ignore, and that were my instincts. And those were just now shrieking with great joy. So i slipped into my clothes, my father's old hunting jacket, and my boots. I also grabbed my bag, because if what i feared had really happened, there was really no way i could stop my hunt. And as i went over everything that had happened, again, I knew my fear was true. There were no other things that would explain this. I were actually about 28 years in the past.

I would actually have to do it all again. And i would have to do it all alone, because neither Peeta nor Haymitch would know anything about what was coming. They wouldn't know her the way Katniss herself knew them. This was the thought that made me panic. The thought that my actions would determine the outcome of everything. This was ultimately the thought that left me panicking, because i had never been the type to stick to a plan. I were the one who did the exact opposite of what I were told. I left the planning to Haymitch and, more rarely, Peeta.

I slowly made my way back through the forest with my loot. There i left my bow and arrows in their usual place and headed for the old coal yard that housed the Hoob.

In the Hoob, I quickly went in search of Greasy Sae. The old lady was making stew, and I tried to maintain a good relationship with her, as she was the one who had taken wild dogs off my hands on a few occasions. Then i went in search of some salt and sugar, as well as some thread and a small piece of cloth to mend Prim's clothes.

After that, i quickly mademy way to our little house to wake Prim for school. It was already quite late, but i managed to get Prim ready for school quite quickly. And so we played the same game as yesterday. The sisters set off and parted ways at the flagpole. Prim went to her classes and I headed to mine. But today I was more present than yesterday, so I caught the exact moment Peeta entered the room, and I inhaled sharply. He looked so healthy. His scars were gone, and he had his leg back. His face was more flawed than after the rebellion, where he'd been given more food, but he didn't look as bad as after the rescue mission. I stared at him when Peeta suddenly raised his head and i looked him straight in the eyes.

I didn't dare hope. And yet I couldn't shake the feeling. I really couldn't let go of the hope for something or better someone familiar. And so our eyes interloked. Mine reflected love and hope, his reflected them, and then I knew, 90% certain, i wasn't alone.

However our moment was quickly over as more children pushed through the archway and our eye contact was broken. So i watched as Peeta made his way to his seat in the front row. However i didn't turn my head once, never took my eyes off his head, and stared into the void. Well, that's what i did, anyway, until i got a nudge from my right. Madge. It wasn't until a few moments later that i had noticed the note on the table. I gave my friend a smile and concentrated on the note. 'Meeting at sunset on the meadow?' I've read in a script that was heartbreakingly familiar to me. I've quickly scribbled a positive answer and gave the note back to Madge.

And so I went back to staring at Peeta's back. I've let the rest of the lesson pass like that. When the bell finally rang, I jumped and started packing my things. As always, I have meet Prim infront of the flagpole. And so the sisters headed home.

Katniss desperately wanted to go to the meadow, but she knew she couldn't go yet. First, she had to fill the cistern. A tough job, and i knew it would take me a little over two hours. I would finish just in time to meet Peeta at the meadow.

About two and a half hours later, I was glad this was one of the chores I didn't have to do very often. And yet I completed this task before going to meet Peeta. It had been drilled into me that the cistern always had to be full. And i took this task very seriously, because it was one of the few rules my beloved father gave me.

And I remembered his face all to well when he first gave me this task. Now, years later, i could see that expression on my own: grief. Her father had lost someone to a house fire.

It was these thoughts that accompanied my journey to the meadow. This and the who. And i had just arrived at the meadow when it suddenly dawned on me. 'Haymitch.' It was Haymitch, whom her father had lost in a house fire. Well, not literally, because Haymitch was still alive, but he had once told me how he lost his family and distanced himself from everyone. 'A house fire, Haymitch lost his mother and his little brother in a house fire.' And I could understand my father's grief. It was the same grief that overcame me whenever I've thought of Prim or Finnick. 'Finnick.' Oh, how I wished we could save him this time. I just hope I wouldn't have to lose my little duck or my big brother this time. Oh, how I wished that.

"Katniss." The call of my name tore me from my thoughts. 'Peeta.' I've turned around immediately. He ran toward me and called out my name again, "Katniss." As soon as he stood before me, I tested my hopes with a nickname known only to her husband: "Peet."
And as his face lit up, I knew the odds were in my favor this one time.

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When i have connected those dots, I threw myself into Peeta's arms, because I already knew he would never let me down. And I were right. Peeta caught me and held me tight in his strong arms. I could've cried, my boy with the bread, my dandelions in spring, my hope. I hadn't lost him. He was standing by me just as he promised on our wedding day. He was with me, he hadn't left me. I couldn't stop sobbing, but that didn't matter. This was Peeta. My love. My hope. My light in the darkness. And he was crying, too. I could feel the tears falling onto my  head and the violent shaking of his body. It took a while, but finally i could let go of him to look into his face. His sapphire-blue eyes stared into mine. The skin around them puffy and red. And yet, this was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. I would love to stand here forever, but I knew that wasn't possible. It was a miracle they hadn't been caught yet.

"Katniss," I've heard him sigh my name into my hair as he pulled me close once more before letting me go. I really didn't want to, but it was already late, and i knew we couldn't stay here much longer. And so I looked at Peeta, hoping he would understand. And as always, i didn't need to worry about that. He was always one step ahead of me when it came to this. He took my hand and pulled me with him under the tree. He sat us down so we were barely even visible from a distance. Then he looked at me seriously. "Katniss, what do we do?" I didn't know the answer to that question either and could only look at him helplessly. He could see that I had no ideas either, so he asked the other questions that were burning in his mind. "Is this all real? Are we really 16 again?" I could only give him one answer to that, too. "It seems so." I could hardly miss his wide-open eyes and knew mine were no better.

"But that means..." He paused briefly. "That means, that means we can save them." He swallowed. "We can save them all." I had to swallow, too. Because he was right. Most likely we could save them all. And i hadn't even thought of it. "We can save them." I whispered. "We really can save them. Prim, Finnick, Cinna, your brothers, your father." I burst into tears again. "Not just them," Peeta whispered. "Mags, Wiress, Chaff, maybe them too. And Haymitch, maybe he don't have to loose everyone but us." I could see tears on his cheeks, too. I reached out and wiped them from his cheeks. I wanted to stay there forever, curled up in his arms. But I knew we had to get ready, because it was already completely dark. "What do we do now? We only have about three months until the Reaping." I looked at him. "We have to be prepared." He nodded, completely serious. He reverted to his Victor mentality. And so did I.

"We have to go into the forest," he looked at me seriously. "I have to learn which plants are edible and also rebuild my strangth." I nodded. I still remembered the first version of the 74th Games well. and i never wanted to experience a situation like that again. "You also need a weapon," I spoke softly. "We can't rely on you getting through without one again." I didn't really liked the idea of ​​sending him back into the arena and I could see that he didn't want me to ever see the inside of an arena again either. However I would never let Prim enter one of the arenas and he would never let me go alone. "Okay. But which one?"

"You chop wood for the bakery," he nodded, and I could see that he understood what I was getting at. "An axe, then." I nodded and voiced another thought. "At the lake, I also hid the throwing knives my father had made for Prim." However Prim would never use them. She could't. She was to pure, she would cry everytime we tried to hunt together. "Knives and axes, then," he looked at me grimly. "And a bow and arrows for you." I nodded, too. I was about to continue when I remembered a situation from the first edition of the 74th Games. I couldn't get the bow. "Bow and knifes," I corrected him. He looked confused, so i added by way of explanation, "In our first games, I couldn't get my hands on the bow and only had a knife. Better learn how to use it." I could see the understanding in his eyes and decided to continue. "Are you joining the Careers again?" I wouldn't hold it against him. Okay, maybe a little.

"No. I only joined them to protect you." His vehement dismissal and his hurt expression, that I could even think he would choose anyone over me, made me feel bad. I asked him, who had risked everything for me, if he wanted to do that with someone else. Yeah, well, I could see how ridiculous that question was. "Okay, so we're stuck together." He nodded. "The tragic in love?" I couldn't help but ask. Another stupid question, I know. "Of course." Peeta sounded absolutely offended. I steer our conversation back to the main point. "Okay, so axe and knife lessons for you. And knife lessons for me." "Don't forget botany." "Okay, when can you sneak out of the house?" He looked thoughtfully into the distance. "I only have to help in the bakery on Saturdays and Tuesdays. My brothers take the rest of the shifts." "So on all the other days." "But only after training." He smiled, slightly embarrassed. Wrestling. How could I have forgotten. "Okay, so on the other days after training." After that was settled, I leaned back against him. Then i've turned and placed a kiss on his lips. I could feel his smile. I've pulled away, stood up, and pulled him up to me. "What about what the Capitol did to you?" I've asked softly into the space between our lips. "Gone. As if it had never been there." He smiled and gave me another kiss. "All I have left are the memories."

"We have to go," I whispered regretfully. "It's already late." I saw my own regret in his face. "We can't be together in public." He looked as if his heart was breaking at what he said. I've felt no better, but i knew he was right. "We still have our hours in the woods." That wasn't nearly enough for me, and i saw he felt the same way. His face also darkened. We walked slowly toward Seam. "Do you think we're the only ones?" His voice was barely a whisper. "I would never rule out the possibility that we're not alone. But I wouldn't bet on others making the same journey." He didn't seem surprised by my statement. All too quickly, we reached the edge of the meadow. Peeta pulled her close one last time. One last kiss. Then he took her hand and led her into a pierce before letting go, staring at her with longing on his face before turning and blending into the shadows. I were left alone, strarring after him.

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Reaping Day. 4th of July.
It was Reaping Day. I had spent the morning in the forest, knowing everything I could get would be needed. I couldn't cling to the hope that i wouldn't be Reaped. I knew it would be Prim's name that Effie would call. And yet I was afraid. I knew this wasn't rational. It wasn't rational because i knew exactly what would happen. Prim would be Reaped, and i would volunteer. After that, Peeta's name would be fished out of the bowl. Speaking of Peeta... my sweet Peeta. I remembered this day fondly. My 16th birthday. The first time Peeta had been able to celebrate it with me. And how much effort he put in.

It was May 8th, my birthday. This year a Saturday, so i spent the morning with my mother and little sister. Peeta wouldn't see me until the next day. He was busy at the bakery. So I had breakfast with my family. Our mother had brought out the good bread. On the stove was a pot of prunes thickened with sugar. I had brought them back from the forest just two days ago. I swallowed, knowing this was a sumptuous breakfast. One we couldn't really afford, I knew that. "Happy birthday, Katniss," I heard Prim's bright voice call out to her. I had to smile. My little duckling, so cheerful. That alone made this whole ordeal worthwhile for her. It was a grim thought, and yet I didn't have it in me to regret it. So the thought was grim, yet all too true. And so i turned to my family. The morning passed quickly. We ate breakfast, then I helped Prim with her homework. Our're mother seemed to be having a particularly good day.

It wasn't until the afternoon, when i was getting ready for training and the subsequent hunt, that she began to drift off more and more often. So I tried to suppress my anger. On the one hand, I had promised Peeta I would try, and on the other, after what had happened to Finnick and shortly after Prim, I could understand exactly how my mother felt. After all, I had done exactly the same thing at the end of the war. I withdrew into my thoughts, and if it hadn't been for Haymitch, with Peeta in the hospital in the Capitol, I would have died. And so I tried. While I were lost in thought, following my normal path, I had already reached the hole in the fence behind the butcher shop. I quickly looked around before ducking under the fence and sprinting to the edge of the woods. There I grabbed the weapons hidden there before setting off, armed with knifes and a bow. It didn't take long for me to reach the small clearing where we usually trained. And so i began my training. It was a little later, and I thought I were alone, as usual on Saturdays, when I heard a twig snap behind me. So I twirled around, throwing knives in hand. I could caught a brief glimpse of Mearchie blond hair and sapphire-blue eyes. Peeta. "What, Peeta, what are you doing here? It's Saturday... shouldn't you be at the bakery?!"

I let my arm fall to my side. Peeta smiled at me shyly, approached me, kissed me chastely, and spoke softly, "It's your birthday. I made a deal with Leo. He'll take care of the rest tonight, and in return, I'll do this tomorrow." He kissed me again. "I brought you something." He held out a beautiful cookie. "It's a simple sugar cookie," he whispered sheepishly. "But I decorated it with a Katniss flower." He sounded so apologetic, as if it were his fault that he couldn't offer me something better. However i didn't care what he gave me. "It's beautiful." I looked at the cookie and he beamed, yet I could see that he didn't quite believe me. He had become so used to baking me a masterpiece for my birthday that he seemed ashamed he couldn't do it this year. He had taken such a big risk to make me this cookie. I didn't want to imagine what would have happened if he had been caught... I really didn't want to go down that path, so I simply kissed him again.

I entered the house just as I was in the kitchen, where i found the washtub. Our mother was standing next to it, adding a bucket of heated water. "There are clothes ready on the bed." I nodded briefley and entered the bedroom. I looked around and saw Prim. Prim was already wearing her reaping outfit. A skirt with a ruffled blouse. My own first reaping dress. And just like last time, the blouse slipped out of the back of her skirt. I quickly pushed the emerging memories away. I quickly undressed, stepped into the tub, and quickly scrubbed off the dirt and sweat. I quickly washed my hair, too. I than quickly stepped out of the tub, dried myself, and slipped into my underwear before concentrating on the dress on the bed. Our mother's sky blue, exactly the same as last time.

I quickly put this on, too, and slipped into my shoes. In the meantime, our mother had both entered the room and tied Prim's blonde curls into two braids. Our mother than quickly turned around. I looked at the dress i was wearing. "Are you sure?" I knew the significance of these dresses. They meant a lot to our mother. "Yes. Come on, let's put your hair up too." Our mother spoke softly. As our mother was done with my braids, i barely recognized myself in the broken mirror, and yet it was so unbearably familiar. "You look really pretty." Prim beamed at her big sister. And despite my own fear, I also gave my sister a smile.

"Tuck your little tail, little duckling."
"Quack," Prim giggled. Katniss giggled too. It was only Prim who could make me giggle like that. Only Prim, and later Peeta, the children, and maybe, on rare occasions, Haymitch. "Come on, let's get something to eat." The food consisted of already cooking vegetables and milk from Prim's goat, Lady. It was one o'clock far too soon. I could hear our mother's heavy sigh, and i could also tell that Prim had also noticed what was going on. And so the three Everdeen women made their way to the plaza, where the reaping was to take place.

The crowd made their way there. Attendance was mandatory. Anyone who didn't comply was arrested. This also made the reaping a good opportunity for the Capitol to keep track of its population. The crowd entered the plaza in silence; a grim facade prevailed. The people were in no hurry to register, yet they knew they had no other choice. The twelve- to sixteen-year-olds stood herded into separate areas, the younger ones like Prim in the back, the older ones in the front. I myself stood with the other sixteen-year-old girls from the Seam. We nodded briefly to each other before turning toward the makeshift stage. On it were three chairs and two glass bowls filled with notes. On the girls' bowls, the name 'Katniss Everdeen' was written twenty times in careful handwriting. Madge's father, Mayor Undersee, and Effie Trinket occupied the two chairs. Both were whispering. I quickly realized why. Haymitch was still missing.

Shortly before two o'clock struck, he staggered onto the stage before slumping into his chair. That was strange; I was sure Haymitch hadn't entered the stage until after the names of our only winners had been read out. My mind was so occupied with this riddle that I only regained attention when the mayor introduced Effie. Loud and cheerful as always, she stepped up to the microphone and recited her signature line: "Happy Hunger Games. And may the odds be ever in your favor!"
I tried to catch a glimpse of Peeta, but only saw Gale. I quickly looked away, I wouldn't poke this problem with a 10-meter pole. I was blinded by Effie's speech and only regained attention when it was time to draw the names. "And as always, ladies first." She walked over to the girls' glass bowl, the atmosphere becoming increasingly gloomy. She pulled out a slip of paper, and I knew deep down that this was the same as last time.

"Primrose Silver Everdeen"

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I knew this was coming. I knew it, and yet I stood rooted to my spot. The crowd murmured, unhappy as always when a twelve-year-old was chosen. Because no one ever thought that was fair. And the only thing that ran through my mind was this: not again, why her, why always her? Once again, it was Prim tucking her shirt into her skirt that broke me out of my trance. I pushed my way through the crowd of sixteen-year-old girls. Most of them quickly made way for me as they watched Prim make her way to the stage. I stepped onto the path just as Prim was almost past the sixteen-year-olds. "I volunteer!" I shouted as loudly as I could. "I volunteer as tribute." I reached Prim and pushed her behind me. "I volunteer as tribute." I repeated my statement as firmly and calmly as possible. On stage, chaos reigned.

The mayor looked everywhere but at them, and Effie was completely beside herself. The rest of the district was completely silent; Haymitch, for once, seemed to be sitting upright. District 12 hadn't had a volunteer in decades. I knew this for sure. Because here, the word 'tribute' was synonymous with 'corpse.'
"It seems we have a volunteer," she chirped excitedly into the microphone. "Come up, love, come up!" Behind me, I could hear Prim screaming hysterically. "Katniss," her duckling clutched her tightly. "No, Katniss, no! You can't go!" I turned in Prim's embrace. "Let go, little duckling. It's okay. Let go." I wasn't going to cry. "No, Katniss, no!" I could see Madge approaching me, pulling Prim away from me. "Go on," Madge whispered before picking Prim up and carrying her toward our mother. 'Thats strange, last time it was Gale who came to get Prim. Why? What did I do to change this?'

I swallowed, collected myself, and climbed the steps to the stage. "Well then, bravo," Effie spoke exuberantly. "That would be the spirit of the Games." She seemed pleased that something was finally happening in her district. And now that may well be true. I painfully wished for our Effie, because her Effie had calmed down considerably after the 74th Games. Her Effie no longer fell for Snow's propaganda or spread it.

"What's your name?" I swallowed hard. "Katniss Teal Everdeen." I spoke quietly, yet clearly for everyone to hear. "I bet that was your sister. You didn't want to let the show be stolen." Effie beamed at me. "Come on, guys, a thunderous round of applause for our newest tribute."

To their credit, everyone in the district remained quiet, and even Effie stopped clapping after three or four claps when she realized no one was clapping with her. And just like last time, one after the other raised the middle fingers of their left hands to their lips and extended them toward me. This time, too, I couldn't tell who started. I had to pull myself together this time, I wasn't going to start crying. A memory popped into my head unbidden:

Haymitch was already on his fourth bottle when he started telling me about his reaping. How he worried about who would explain to his little brother Sid what the Reaping was and how he should behave if the unthinkable happened and Sid were ever drawn. "He should have accepted it and put on as brave a face as possible. After all, resistance was futile. Of course, after my games and the fire that took my Ma and Sid from me, those worries were irrelevant." He laughed bitterly. "Of course, resistance was futile for me that day too. After all, my 'reaping' was illegal, too."

And so I held my head high and my face expressionless. 'After all, resistance was futile.' While I was stuck in the past, Effie had already made her way toward the crystal ball. "And now for our tribute boys." I'm slightly confused. Last time, Haymitch fell from the stands. I quickly and discreetly looked around the stage. Diagonally behind me to the right, I saw him sitting. 'What's going on?' It was Effie's boisterous voice that warned me in time, so I could quickly smooth out my expression. "And the tribute boy from District 12, Peeta Mellark."
And finally, I could see Peeta. The crowd had thinned around him. Unlike last time, Peeta's face was also a stony mask as he made his way toward the stage. Finally, our eyes met, and I could see the same determination I felt in his eyes. When Peeta finally stood next to me on the stage, I gave him a barely perceptible nod. This time, Effie had the chance to check for volunteers. I knew there wouldn't be any, and I could see the same certainty in Peeta's tense jaw. The mayor was just standing up to read the treason contract at this point when Haymich's scratchy voice echoed behind us:

"My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur"

I choked on my spit. What, how, where from? This is my song, the one I wrote at Dr. Aurelius's behest to help me cope with the trauma of the games and the rebellion. How did Haymitch know this? This song didn't even exist here. 'Wait a minute,' Peeta's question *Do you think we're the only ones?* came to mind unbidden. 'No, that can't be right, can it?' I swallow. 'There was no other way for Haymitch to know the song', and so I came to the only possible conclusion. We weren't alone. Haymitch is in this too.

"All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War"

'Then we might as well throw Snow in the pot', I decided. There was only one reason why Haymitch should decide to sing here and now. Meanwhile, Haymitch had finished the chorus for the first time. For the same reason I'm going to answer him. He wanted to know if he was alone. And so I opened my mouth to take over the second verse.

"You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from the crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it"

It was somehow liberating to sing here, this very song that describes everything that lay before us and behind us so well. I could see that Prim had freed herself from Mother's skirt, because her radiant face looked up at me. I could see her puffy eyes, and yet Prim had a big smile on her face.

"All that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, the burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War"

I had just finished the chorus when I dared to look my mother in the face for the first time. And to my surprise, she didn't look like she did last time, as she did after Father's death. No, she had the same smile on her face as Prim, the same Peeta always had. I couldn't describe the emotions this evoked. The last time I saw my mother's smile was when Father was still alive and singing with me.

Haymitch chose that exact moment to stagger toward me. He put his arm around my shoulders, and if I had only seen him from a distance, on camera footage, or even just smelled him, I would have been absolutely convinced that Haymitch was completely drunk. This close to me, I could clearly see that he was stone-cold sober. His eyes were adorned with dark circles, but that didn't make me miss the sharpness in them. And it certainly didn't make me forget her.

"I like this one," Haymitch exclaimed. He let a long silence ensue, as if searching for words. Why, when not even two minutes ago he could sing so beautifully, I didn't understand. I tried not to let my confusion show. "A lot of guts." Haymitch seemed to have decided the silence was long enough. He let go of me and fell to the floor. Far too theatrical for a sober man, but just convincing enough for a drunken fool.
And so, this time too, he was carried off the stage. The mayor seemed uncomfortable as he finally delivered the intricate speech about the Treaty of Treason. No sooner was this done than Peeta and I were given the signal to shake hands. Shortly afterward, the anthem began to play. As soon as it was finished, Peeta and I were surrounded by peacekeepers. They were supposed to escort us into the courthouse.

We entered it just like last time. Through a side entrance. Peeta barely managed to squeeze my hand once more before we were pulled apart. And shortly after, we were whisked away to two separate rooms. They were the same rooms as last time. Thick, wide carpets, a velvet-covered sofa and velvet-covered chairs. I would be here for an hour. The last chance to say goodbye.

And so I waited for Mother and Prim.

Chapter Text

Less than 10 minutes had passed when the door burst open. I reached out for Prim, and she quickly climbed onto my lap, her arms wrapped around my neck, just like she used to, when she was so much smaller. Ma just sat next to us, motionless. I tried not to resent her. I knew exactly how she felt. But a part of me couldn't suppress the bitterness. "You have to be there for her." I looked at Mum. "You can't hide away again, not like you did after Pa's death. She needs you. I won't be there to help." Mother shuddered to the floor. "I know. I won't. I couldn't help it then..." I knew what she felt, and yet I couldn't take it into account now. Her and Prim's survival depended on it. "Then you have to be different this time. You can't just walk away and leave Prim to her own devices. You can't." I swallowed my tears. Tears didn't help. Not now, and not later. Not when cameras were set up at the station.

'They won't use our tears for their entertainment.' Once again, I could hear Haymitch's voice. "Promise me, no matter what you see on the screen, you'll get through this, promise me." I didn't scream, not like last time. Anger won't help anyone now. "Promise me." And slowly, I could see my mother's strength flash across her face. "I promise you." And unlike last time, I could believe her.

"We don't have much time left." I knew this well. "Prim can't take Tessera under any circumstances. Sell milk and cheese from Lady. Sell your medications. But under no circumstances will you let her take Tessera." I could see Mother nod. "I can take care of my self." For the first time since they entered the room, Prim spoke up and she sounded offended. "I know that. However I don't want you to take out Tessera. I cant be there if your get reapt. Not that time. So please." Prim nodded. "You have to win, Katniss, you just have to." I looked at my little duckling. "I'll try." I couldn't promise. Peeta and I may have won these games last time, but just one change could bring a different outcome this time.

I slowly stood up, Prim still in my arms. I couldn't help but remember a song. Father had always sung it to me and Prim, whenever we were sad and hopeless:

"Let us greet with a song of hope each day

Though the moments be cloudy or fair

Let us trust in our Saviour always

To keep us, every one, in His care

Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side

Keep on the sunny side of life

It will help us every day, it will brighten all the way

If we'll keep on the sunny side of life"

As I finished the chorus, I felt another pair of arms wrap around me and Prim. 'Ma' Our mother had pulled us into a hug. Our last, because at that very moment a Peacekeeper appeared in the doorway. Our time is up. "I love you." That was the last thing I could say before Mother and Prim were forced to leave the room.
I slumped back onto the sofa. If things went the way they did last time, that door would open twice more. And that seemed to be the case this time, too.

The door opened for the second time that day. To my not entirely surprising, Peeta's father entered the room. Otho Mellark sat on the edge of one of the velvet-covered chairs. The tall, broad-shouldered man seemed embarrassed, and for a second I recognized Peeta in him. Otho pulled a white box from his jacket pocket. I opened it and, like last time, found cookies—a luxury we could never afford. "Thank you." He nodded. I knew from Peeta that his father wasn't a talkative type. And so the silence between us didn't bother me.

Even now, we didn't have much time. I knew a Peacekeeper would be coming soon. And so he did, not even a minute later. "I'll look after her, the little girl. You can count on her having something to eat." I gave him a sincere smile. "Thank you." He just shrugged and turned to leave.

And my next visitor wasn't long in coming. Last time, however, I was surprised when Madge entered the room. Not so much now; now I'd realized we were friends and that's how she saw me. Her urgency didn't surprise me anymore either. I was still surprised when she pinned the golden brooch with the mockingbird on it to my dress. "You'll wear it, won't you, as a token?" She pulled me into a hug. "You'll wear it in the arena, right?" I could only stare at her. "Promise me." And so all I could do was admit my agreement. "Yes." Madge hugged me again, kissed me on the cheek, and swept out of the room.

If my memory serves me correctly, Gale should be the next to walk through the door. But he didn't.

The person who walked through the door was the lone violinist from Finnick and Annie's wedding. Clerk Carmaine, and as Haymitch later told me, the last of the Coveys. He was all that remained of the musicians. Well, except for Prim and me, as Haymitch later told me.
"That was a beautiful song." He smiled at me. "Did you write that?" I stared at him, perplexed. "Where... Where?" and Clerk Carmaine waved me off, laughing. "Haymitch has a beautiful voice, but he's not talented at writing songs." He gave me another mischievous smile. "And it wasn't one of our songs. Ergo, a new one. Ergo, yours." I stared at him. "Was it really that obvious?" I shivered. "Just for those who know, this isn't one of the Covey songs." I swallowed. I was scared. "So people like Snow."

Clerk Carmaine stared at me sharply. "How do you know this?!" I stared absently, barely hearing his question. "Mitchy." I answered him absently. He cleared his throat. "So he explained the Covey to you too?" I nodded. "Father never managed to give me more than the songs before he died." He nodded. "Then remind our president who he took people from. You are Covey. Your sister is Covey. Your father was Covey. Show him who he's messing with." I gave him a smile. It made me feel warm that he counts us among his people.

Then he extended his hand. In it he held a leather strap with a pendant attached to it. A bird and a snake, connected to each other. His other hand untied the brooch from my dress. He took the brooch and pinned it directly above the pendant by pushing the pin through the leather strap. Then he put the necklace around my neck. "Ask Haymitch about the pendant Lenore Dove gave him for his birthday. This is the counterpart." He gave me a conspiratorial grin. Then he turned, walked to the door, and said again, "Sing for us in the Capitol, Katniss Teal,  yes." And then he disappeared through the door.

Clerk Carmaine had barely left the room when the Peacekeepers came to escort us to the train station. I met Peeta at the door. He briefly took my hand and squeezed it before quickly letting go. It was a short ride from the courthouse to the station, and yet I was lost in thought on the ride. 'Why didn't Gale come? Had I really changed so much already?' and 'What did Clerk Carmaine mean by asking Haymitch about the necklace Lenore Dove had given him?'

I was so lost in thought that Peeta had to remind me that we'd arrived. We got out; it was a good thing I hadn't cried. As expected, there were cameras everywhere. And on the television, I could see the live feed. And as I'd hoped, both Peeta and I looked extremely bored. We quickly reached the train. The door was open, and Peeta offered me his hand to help me up. I could clearly see that this was an unconscious gesture on his part; it could only help us later.

And so we disappeared into the train.

Chapter Text

We had just boarded the train, the doors were closing, when I was already holding on to Peeta. Like last time, the train hadn't waited a second to start moving. It didn't take long before we were shown to our cabins. Effie was quick to assure us that everything was at our disposal. And so I entered my compartment, directly opposite Peeta's. "Dinner is in an hour. Don't be late." I could hear Effie trilling goodbye.

I quickly looked through the closet. I quickly spotted a dress I liked. Ironically, it was teal. It had a, with tulips, embroidered bodice, but no sleeves. At the waist, there was a flared skirt that reached down to my knees. If I remembered the conversations about clothing correctly, it was an A-line. And so I put down Clerk Carmain's gift and hopped under the shower. This time, I had no problem understanding the shower. One advantage of this trip. My shower was over quickly. I slipped into the dress, put the necklace back around my neck, and pulled on my shoes. I looked at the watch. I still had some time, so I decided to braid my hair in a half-up, half-down style. I secured the ends of the braid with a dove-gray strip of fabric.

My time alone was quickly over, and Effie came to pick us up. Peeta walked ahead of me, yet he still let his hand gently brush mine. The narrow corridor made this believable for any cameras, if there were any. It wasn't long before we reached the dining hall. I couldn't see it yet, but I could hear Effie clearly. It seemed as if she was surprised to see Haymitch, and thinking back to our first trip, I could clearly understand her surprise. Finally, I was able to enter the room. Four chairs at a table, to my right. The other side was filled with a bar. Peeta stood behind a chair. Effie was across from him. Haymitch stood next to the table. He looked at me, and for the first time since that fateful day, I could see a slight smile on his face. And so, I didn't wait for his approving nod before I threw myself into his arms. And Haymitch caught me, like he always did. "Hey, hey sweetheart, it's all right." I could hear him murmur. I stretched slightly before whispering in his ear, "Peeta's here too." I could feel his arms tighten around me a little as the news sank in, and I knew he was just as relieved to hear it as I was.

And what felt like an eternity, were in reality maybe five minutes, finally had to end, and so I finally let go, and Haymitch held my shoulders as he stood in front of me, just to look at me. "You're looking more and more like your father and grandmother, sweetheart." I had to smile because he wasn't wrong. In all the pictures he had Peeta draw, I looked like Father and Grandma Barb Azure. I could see Peeta smiling out of the corner of my eye. Effie, on the other hand, looked very confused. I looked at him. "It had to come to this eventually, Hey." I grinned at him. "I've always looked a little to nothing like Ma. You know that, Starlight." I saw him holding back a chuckle, and for that reason alone, I added another. "You'd know that if you'd stopped by more often." That was the last straw for him, because we both know he'd seen me at least once a week on the Hob. And in the past future, he'd visited us just as often, if not more often. Haymitch laughed. A full laugh, one he hadn't rediscovered until after the revolution. Not surprisingly, the children were the first to get that sound out of him.

It was a beautiful summer day. Me and the children had grabbed Haymitch and his geese. The children absolutely wanted their Gramps with them. Haymitch, who had always been a weakling, when it came to my and Peetas children, caved almost immediately. So it was that Haymitch chased the children across the meadow. It was a simple game; children's laughter echoed across the meadow. The children didn't seem upset that their father couldn't be there, that he had to work.

I had just looked away to get something to drink when I heard a beautiful, full laugh echo across the meadow. It wasn't the children; it was too deep for that, and we were alone here with Haymitch. Then it hit me, Haymitch. I looked over and had to suppress a laugh. Louisa Primrose had fallen over a goose lying on the ground while fleeing from Haymitch and was now surrounded by the others. One of the chicks had made itself comfortable on her head. She and Finnick Pearl were also giggling.

"Moonlight," Haymitch sounded concerned. "I'm fine, Mitchy. Just memories." He hugged her again before pulling away. "What's going on?" Effie sounded completely confused. "Do you know each other?" I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Be nice, Katniss Teal." Haymitch interrupted me, knowing I'd respond as sarcastically as I could. A spoilsport. "You're a bore, Uncle Mitchy." I heard Effie squeal in a strangled voice. Peeta laughed softly. Haymitch simply sat down. "Someone has to get you out of trouble, sweetheart." It was mean, but it was true, and the three of us all knew it. Peeta pulled out my chair, I sat down, and as soon as we were all seated, the Avox arrived with the food.

And just like last time, there was plenty. Everything available for the four of us could have fed our families for at least two months. The Capitol's wasteful attitude still irked me. From Haymitch's gritted teeth and Peeta's petrified jaw, I knew they felt the same way. We had just finished the main course when Effie spoke up. "At least you both have decent manners. The couple from last time ate with their hands like crazy." I had forgotten her comment. From Peeta's sour expression, I could see that he didn't remember that incident either. I was angry; last year's children were two from the Seam. They probably never had so much to eat, and their manners probably didn't matter to them at all. Out of revenge, I ate the next course with my hands and wiped them on the tablecloth. Effie was furious. "Haymitch, make your niece behave!" I was furious and was about to tell her what I thought when Peeta put his hand on my knee under the table. That always calmed me down; he knew that and used it. Haymitch, however, just laughed. "I don't see anything that needs correcting."

The rest of dinner passed in silence. When the meal was over, we changed compartments. This one was one with a large sofa and a few armchairs. Effie tooke one of the chairs. Haymitch plopped down on the sofa, and Peeta and I followed suit. I leaned against Haymitch's shoulder, my body curled up against his side. Peeta's hand rested on my ankle, invisible from the outside. On the screen in front of us, the Reaping began in the other districts. Districts 1 and 2 were as expected, but where they had seemed so stoic to me then, I could now sense their fear beneath their masks. District 3 was painful when I spotted Betee in the background. The smart, kind Betee. And yet, it was Betee who, with Gale, built the bomb that killed Prim. And yet, unlike Gale, I couldn't hate him for it. Not when I knew what Snow and the Capitol had done to him. And not when i knew that he would never wanted to use them in the first place. And never on children.

While I sat there, lost in thought, the show had already switched to District 4. And there he was, Finnick. Oh Finnick, sweet, joyful Finnick. Next to him was Annie. Kind, radiant Annie.  I froze, staring at the two of them. My big brother. He looked so alive. I could feel Peeta's hand around my ankle. I could also feel Haymitch's grip tightening. And so it continued until we reached District 7. At Johanna's glance, I could hear Peeta's sharp exhalation. I risked a glance over at him. His face was stoic, yet I could see his teary eyes. I didn't look away until the program had already reached District 11. Haymitch pulled me closer at the sight of Chaff. Then the camera panned. The female tribute from 11 had just entered the stage. 'Rue....' 'Oh little Rue....'

Shortly after, we reached District 12. And to my surprise, I didn't look half as distraught as I did last time Prim's name was called. Peeta also looked more stoic than desperate. The silent salute. The commentators weren't sure what to make of the fact that no one applauded. In the end, they decided, once again, that traditions have their charm. To my surprise, they hadn't cut out Haymitch and my singing. I would have thought Snow would have cut that out at the first chance. The commentators weren't sure what to say about it either. And Haymitch's 'fainting' was also shown. The commentators groaned exaggeratedly. The anthem. And soon the show was over. Effie and Peeta said their quick goodbyes, the latter after a final squeeze on my ankles.

Haymitch, on the other hand, stood up and pulled me up. I saw the exact moment he discovered Madge and Clerk Carmaine's gifts. The shock and confusion. He pulled me into a hug. "I buried the pendant with her." I could just barely hear his whisper. And so I leaned even closer to him, just to whisper in his ear, "Clerk Carmaine said it was the counterpart to what Lenore Dove gave you. He said I should ask you about it." I could feel the realization sinking in. "It's a pickaxe." His explanation was barely audible, even for me. "Good night, Katniss Teal," it was loud enough for the microphone to pick us up. He let go of me and started to leave the room. "Good night, Uncle Mitchy."

When I finally lay down in bed, only one thought haunted me. 'So that's what made Clerk Carmaine grin like that. A pickaxe. That might be useful.'

Chapter Text

I wake up to Effie's voice: "Up, up! Today is going to be a very special day." I still wonder what was going through Effie's head, and yet somehow I didn't want to know. It would only make me sad. I crawled out of bed slowly; it wasn't the best sleep I've ever had, but that was to be expected. I trudged into the bathroom and into the shower. I stood in front of the mirror and for the first time since our trip, I allowed myself to really look at myself. Steel-grey eyes stared back at me, long, curly ash-brown hair fell down my back, til it toutched my waist. I could hardly recognize myself.

I disappeared back into the bedroom; I didn't want to stand in front of the mirror any longer, looking for the scars I knew I wouldn't find. I grabbed some underwear and looked in the closet again. I could wear yesterday's dress again, but just as I was about to close the closet, it caught my eye. A dove-gray dress that slowly faded into a shade of gray. It had a corset embroidered with songbirds. Beneath them, I could make out a mockingbird, a canary and a raven. This one, too, was an A-line and fell to my knees. Clerk Carmain's voice echoed in my head: 'Then remind our president who he took people from. You are Covey. Your sister is Covey. Your father was Covey. Show him who he's messing with.' It was perfect. It was petty revenge, yet very effective. They had gone to such lengths to erase Lucy Gray from history. It had to be a slap in the face. Another Covey girl, one who so openly wore the colors of the two he either killed or had killed. I grabbed a teal striped fabric and ran a brush through my curls. I put my necklace back around my neck and grabbed a gray ballet flat. Then I left my quarters and headed for the dining car.

There I met the others. Effie was hurrying around, Peeta already had a roll in his hand, and Haymitch was sitting opposite Peeta with a whiskey in his hand. Haymitch froze for a moment when he saw me, but I could see the slightest glimmer of glee and approval in his eyes. 'Good, he recognized the message and the recipient of the message.' "Come sit down, sweetheart." I sat down. Breakfast passed in silence. I had orange juice and fruit next to my roll, Peeta had hot chocolate and fruit. Unlike last time, neither Peeta nor I tried to get any useful information out of Haymitch. We knew what was coming, and we'd already gotten the important advice last time. 'Stay alive.' That was still the best advice for an arena. If you're not alive, everything else is irrelevant, because it's no use to you. Peeta and I ate, and Haymitch sipped his whiskey. 'Whiskey,' I could tell he was still as sober as usual. It couldn't be long now until the Capitol.

I turned my head and stared in Haymitch's direction. He finally turned his head and looked at me amusedly. "What do you need, sweetheart?" I held up the strip of fabric. "Can you help me with this?" By now, we had everyone else's attention. Effie looked like she wanted to say something, Peeta had an amused expression in his eyes, and the Avox looked slightly shocked. I only dimly perceived all of this. I was more focused on Haymitch, whose expression fluctuated between amusement, nostalgia, and sadness, yet he beckoned me over.

I grabbed a pillow and sank down on the floor at his feet. As soon as I sat down, I could feel his hands in my hair, separating individual strands. First, two Dutch braids with the two front parts. After crossing the braids, he gave me one to hold, only to braid the loose strands behind my ear into the other one. He gave me this one to hold as well, while he repeated the same thing on the other side. And then he finally pulled these two braids together at the back. And when this braid could no longer be braided, he finally closed it with the teal-colored strip of fabric that I held out to him. I turned to Haymitch and gave him a beaming smile. He looked content, yet sad. I knew exactly why, and I could tell from Peeta's face that he also knew where Haymitch's thoughts had wandered. After all, that was our daughter's favorite hairstyle.

It was a snowy winter day, and Louise Primrose had repeatedly asked for her Gramps. Finally, since Finnick Pearl also absolutely wanted to see his Gramps, Peeta let himself be persuaded to stop by Haymitch's on his way to work and tell him the children's invitation to come over. However, we both knew that there was no other option than for him to give in to the request. Haymitch was weak around children and would comply with almost any request.

And so it was no surprise that less than 10 minutes later I entered the living room and found the children spread out on the floor in front of Haymitch. The surprise, however, was that my daughter seemed to have succeeded in talking him into doing her hair. And to my surprise, and the children's satisfaction, the result looked wonderful.

I felt a pang in my heart. 'We'd never see our beloved children again, would we?' I could see the same realization in Peeta's and Haymitch's eyes. I quickly pulled myself together. We'd landed on target. I'd barely stopped when the train slowed down. And just like last time, Peeta stood at the window and waved to the enthusiastic crowd outside. Only this time, at Haymitch's urging, I snuck up next to him. I waved to them too. The train came to a stop far too quickly. Peeta and I stood by the door, with Haymitch standing directly behind us. Effie stood behind him. And when the doors opened, it was as if we were trapped in another world.

The brightly colored outfits of the people in the Capitol hurt my eyes. Peeta was the first to leave the train. That already increased the volume. And when he stood on the platform and offered me his hand? The already loud cheers of the people only grew louder. We quickly made way so that Haymitch and Effie could also leave the train. Effie quickly stepped around us to guide us to the waiting car. Haymitch, on the other hand, remained a firm presence behind us. I was grateful to him for that. Even the fact that we'd already done this twice didn't lessen my unease. I would never have my back free in the Capitol. Not if someone were so quick to stab me in the back. But Haymitch, I would always trust him to cover my back and most importanly Peetas back, because he'd been doing that since our first games. Not that I noticed back then. I could see that having Haymitch behind him was also a relief for Peeta.

The car ride wasn't long, and soon Peeta and I were put into different rooms. I watched him as long as I could. I didn't like not having him here in the Capitol, out of reach. It reminded me too much of the last time we were apart. And yet I didn't have much time to think about it. As soon as I entered the room, I was swarmed by my prep team. I recognized them all; it was the same team I had in the past future. The ones who accompanied me up to 13. I was glad to see them as they were before Coin decided they needed to be tortured just because they were Capitol.

I quickly landed on the table with Venia, still with blue hair and her gold tattoos, ripping out my leg hair. I couldn't help but hiss. "Sorry!" She trilled in her silly Capitol accent. "But you have hair all over it." Venia tried to cheer me up. "Good news, that's the last one." I just nodded and held on to the table. 'Did Peeta have to endure this too?' My face twisted slightly at the thought. 'I hoped not, because it wasn't pleasant.' Just like the first time, before this torture, I was pushed into the shower, where the rest of my hair was removed with this grainy mud. My eyebrows were also plucked. I didn't like this any more than I did in the past future. I didn't like it at all. "You're holding up well." Flavius ​​nodded to himself. His orange corkscrew curls bounced up and down. "If there's one thing we can't stand, it's wimps. Get the cream, guys. Come on, come on, put cream on them." Venia and Octavia, still, or rather again, dyed light pea green, rubbed cream on me. It stung at first, but then soothed my irritated skin. They plucked the last few hairs they'd missed before stepping back and looking at me. "Excellent! You finally look almost human." I flinched. I'd forgotten the comment. And yet I tried to show gratitude. I still remembered Haymitch's instruction from the past future to just let it go. "Thanks. In District 12, there's hardly any reason to look pretty." Like last time, this got me completely slapped down. "Oh, you poor little thing. Of course it's not possible." Octavia wrung her hands sadly. "But don't worry, you'll look gorgeous." Venia joined in cheerfully. "Come on, let's get Cinna." Flavius' voice froze me. 'Cinna,' how could I have forgotten Cinna? And so I stood rooted to the spot in front of the table, wearing only my dressing gown and my necklace, staring at the wall. I didn't move a bit until I heard the door open and a young, brunette man enter. I just stared at him. 'Cinna,' He was so alive.

"Hello Katniss, I'm Cinna, your stylist."

Chapter Text

"Katniss Teal" I spoke absentmindedly. I was far too busy trying to remember his face. Not long after the revolution, I couldn't remember his face anymore. After the revolution, this was one of the things that made me disappear further into the black hole. Because not being able to see Cinna in my mind's eye anymore made me despair. It was thanks to Haymitch that I didn't get lost in it. I ran his words through my head again. I shivered. 'Katniss,' he called me Katniss. 'Either this was because he thought of Teal as a middle name, or it was habit.' I couldn't figure it out. 'Habit because he went the extra mile with us, or because he always used only one name when there were double names.' I couldn't know. Honestly, I didn't want to know. I didn't want either option confirmed.

"Okay." Cinna just nodded. He was standing opposite me. "Unfortunately, I have to ask you to take off your bathrobe for once." I simply followed his question. Unlike in the future past, this didn't bother me. It was as if he was only noticing me once before, in his mind, draping his creation over my body. He ran his hand around me once. "Who did your hair?" I gave him a slight grin. "Uncle Mitchy." I could see his thoughts racing. "Very nice. Interesting idea. You can put the robe back on." He moved toward the door, signaling for me to follow him.

"I'd offer you lunch first before we continue." I just nodded. Still trapped in my thoughts. They kept going in circles. Hope chased denial. And yet I couldn't shake that small seed of hope, especially since this whole process was happening in reverse. And yet, all I could do was follow him into the adjoining room. This one, too, was furnished exactly the same as last time: two red sofas, facing each other, with a low table in between. One wall had a window, the others were bare.

And just like last time, Cinna offered me a seat on one of the sofas before he pressed a button to get our food. And this time, too, I could see peas, chicken, orange, and, as I learned last time, rice on his plate. In small bowls next to it was a honey-colored pudding. On my plate, I could see exactly the same thing. This time, I didn't even try to get upset about the injustice. and I also didn't try to find out if I could cook this at home.

"How despicable we must seem to you." Cinna's gaze was directed directly at me. He thought the same thing last time. I vaguely remembered a similar statement. "So be it." And like last time, he didn't dwell on the subject for long. I started tucked into my food, while keeping my attention on Cinna. "Now, about your dress, Katniss Teal. My partner, Portia, is the stylist for your fellow tribute. Our plan is to dress you in a complementary way." He paused for a moment. "As you know, it's customary to reflect the district's distinctive character." I nodded at his explanation. He had explained this to me last time, too.

I hoped their plan hadn't changed since last time. And yet, if only for everyone listening, I had to ask. "So mining outfits?" I could see the corner of his mouth lift the slightest bit. "Not quite. We thought the whole miner thing was a bit over the top. No one would remember you. And we consider it our job to make the District 12 tributes unforgettable." He smiled. "No, we were thinking more about the coal itself." I had to suppress my grin. This was exactly what I was hoping for. "And coal is burned." I couldn't stop my eyebrow from raising. "You're not afraid of fire, are you, Katniss Teal?"

And so, a few hours later, I stood there in an outfit. A simple, black one-piece. It reached from my neck to my ankles. I wore shiny, lace-up leather knee-high boots. Over it all, a cape draped from my shoulders. Black on top, with the interior in various shades of yellow, orange, red, and blue, like a fire. On my head, too, was a tiara. Cinna wanted to light both of them just before we left, once again. "Of course, it's not a real fire." He tried to cheer me up. "Just Portia's and my invention. Nothing will happen to you."

There was no makeup on my face, except for eye makeup and a few highlights. My hair had been combed out and tied into a braided bun at the back of my head. "We want the spectators in the arena to remember you." He winked at me. "Katniss Teal - the girl who was on fire." And once again, I realized that behind Cinna's calm and completely inconspicuous demeanor, madness lay hidden. As soon as I realized this again, Peeta and Portia joined us. And I couldn't take my eyes off him. And so I categorized everything in my memory. I could see him doing exactly the same thing to me. Peeta was also wearing a black one-piece. His boots, however, only reached mid-calf. He also wore a cloak, with exactly the same flame pattern as mine. His headpiece, however, looked more like a crown than a tiara. While we were busy with this, I just barely noticed Cinna wearily accepting the congratulations from Portia and her team.

We were quickly taken to the ground floor of the renovation studio. It was essentially a large stable. 12 teams of four horses each stood in a row, harnessed to chariots. As always, we were the last ones. The horses were jet black, matching our outfits. At this thought, I could barely suppress my laughter. Peeta seemed to notice my pinched expression, too, because he gave me a confused look. So, as we ran after Cinna and Portia, I pointed first to the team of horses, then to our outfits. It took a second, but as soon as Peeta understood what I was trying to tell him, he immediately burst out laughing. And I, I couldn't hold back my laughter any longer. And so I burst out laughing, too. Portia and Cinna stopped in front of us. I could just make out their confused faces between my fits of laughter. They only made me laugh even harder, and Peeta burst out laughing again after taking one look at them.

It took a few minutes before we recovered and could climb into the chariot. Cinna and Portia were still confused, we could see that, but they didn't question us. They adjusted our cloaks so they folded properly and adjusted our posture. The first chariots left the stables to the music. Peeta fidgeted. I pressed my arm against his. "I'm here, Haymitch is with us." I could see his brain working. "We're not alone, you and I, we have Uncle Mitchy." I knew this was precisely worded, and I could see the hope shining again in his eyes. I was aware that after my conversation with Haymitch on the train, Peeta was also 98% sure that Haymitch was traveling with us. But now it was 100%. I leaned my head against Peeta, just to whisper "I love you" to him. He was about to reply when Cinna lit the artificial fire. And less than two seconds later, our crowns and cloaks. They ignited with a hiss, yet, like last time, without heat. "It's working." I could hear Cinna sigh with relief. He lifted my chin. "Remember, keep your head up, smile." He quickly left the wagon. And before he could say anything else, I took Peeta's hand in mine. I immediately felt much better. I had missed him. I could see he felt the same way. Because as soon as my hand was in his, he relaxed for the first time since the train ride. Our team started moving, and we left the building.

The panic that gripped the crowd at our first appearance quickly subsided. It just as quickly turned into cheers and shouts of "District 12!" They all turned to us, barely acknowledging the cars in front of us. And us? We remembered Cinna's words. 'Chin up, smile.' And that's exactly what we did. We smiled, I caught red roses thrown at me. I blew kisses in all directions. Peeta did the exact same thing on his side. I caught a brief glimpse of us on the screens at the edges. We were completely synchronized.

And when we were three-quarters of the way through, Peeta squeezed my hand and yanked our dislocated limbs into the air. The crowd went completely wild. But I only had eyes for Peeta. I didn't look away from him until the cars slowly came to a stop. As soon as we came to a stop, I schooled my expression. I could see Peeta doing the same. And not a moment too soon. For as soon as we turned away from each other, President Snow stepped onto a balcony. He welcomed us and gave his speech. It was tradition to show the tributes' faces during the speech, and that's exactly what they did. I once again had a good look at the screen, and just like last time, our faces were shown excessively often. It was hard to look away from our flames. As soon as the national anthem was over, we circled the central square one last time and disappeared into the training center.

As soon as the doors closed behind us, we were surrounded by our preparation crews. Their praise was barely audible. They took our burning headdresses and cloaks and handed them to Cinna and Portia, who extinguished them. 

I was still holding Peeta's hand and could see the other tributes' looks. Peeta turned to me with a mischievous smile. "Flames suit you. You should wear them more often." I glared at him briefly. "Thanks." I stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. Although I would have preferred a real kiss.

At the elevator, we met Effie. She was excited and couldn't stop chattering. I couldn't help it; finally, a part of our Effie seemed to be shining through. Before I knew it, I heard her say, "I've been trying to find sponsors for you. Since I didn't know the strategy, I've been secretive. I've been trying to make the best of the material I have. How Katniss Teal sacrificed herself for her sister. How, under enough pressure, coal turns into diamonds. How you two fight hard to overcome the barbarism in your district." Well, you can't have everything.

When we reached our floor, she spoke again. "Haymitch is still out trying to find sponsors." Peeta and I weren't surprised, but Effie clearly showed her surprise. Peeta and I quickly said our goodbyes and went to our rooms to shower. Only then did we realize we were still clasping our hands. We let go, enterig our bedrooms.

I quickly showered before using the hairdryer to dry my hair and detangle it at the same time. I put on underwear before assembling an outfit in the closet. Once again, a dress caught my eye. This one was red, carmaine red, with another embroidered bodice. This one had flames and small rubies between them. Clerk Carmaine's gift was on the dresser. I put it on. It blended beautifully. I also grabbed a azure coloured piece of fabric. I would have Haymitch do my hair again. Just like my daughter, I've grown to love his creations. I walked barefoot towards the dining room.

I wasn't the last one, and yet everyone except Haymitch was already there. Peeta, Cinna, and Portia were standing on the balcony, yet Peeta turned around when I entered the room. We didn't have a chance to speak, as Effie called us to the table. Peeta pulled out my chair, and Cinna did the same for Effie and Portia, sitting between them. We sat down, and at that exact moment, Haymitch entered. He plopped down next to me.

The Avox began serving the food. I was concentrating on the soup—mushroom soup—just like Peeta. Haymitch and Effie, however, continued their conversation with Cinna and Portia. I was only half-listening to this, but I was full of compliments for our stylists. The conversation slowly died down when a female Avox carried out a cake and placed it on the table in front of us.

It was Lavinia. This time, I didn't make the same mistake as the first time. No, this time I tried to catch her eyes and express my regret for not being able to help her then or now. She seemed to understand, because when she returned to the wall, she gave me a sad smile.

After the cake, we headed to the living room to watch our television performance. We made ourselves comfortable. Cinna and Portia shared the smaller sofa on the right, while Effie took an armchair to our left. Peeta sat on the sofa in the middle, Haymitch next to him. I grabbed one of the cushions and sat down on the floor in front of them.

I pressed the azure blue strip of fabric into his hand. And as the tributes rolled across the screen, I could feel his deft fingers weaving my standard braid into my hair. When it was our turn, we could see that none of the other couples could hold a candle to us. We, too, were captivated by the sight. Even seeing it a third time didn't break our spell.

"He had the idea of ​​holding hands?" I could hear Haymitch grumbling behind me. Neither Peeta nor I bothered to answer, knowing it was a rhetorical question. "I was going to suggest it since you already did." I heard Cinna reply. "I like it, just the right amount of rebellion." Peeta and I had to agree with Haymitch. It was rebellion. Everyone else presented themselves as enemies, but we presented ourselves as a team. Haymitch let go of my braid. He had obviously finished it while Cinna answered.

"First training session is tomorrow morning. I'll give you instructions at breakfast." Haymitch spoke quietly. I just nodded and looked at Peeta. "Now go to sleep, the adults need to talk." Peeta stood up and offered me his hand to pull me up. Haymitch stood up too. He kissed me on the forehead and placed a hand on Peeta's shoulder. "Go to sleep, sweetheart." I quickly hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night, Uncle Mitchy." I could hear Cinna inhale sharply. But I had already headed for the bedroom.

Peeta was right behind me. We stood in front of the bedroom doors, nodded to each other, and slipped into mine. I grabbed a pair of pajamas, Peeta took off everything except his underwear, and we slipped under the covers. Peeta lay on his back, my head on his shoulder. It felt good to finally be able to sleep together again. It didn't take long; as soon as we were both lying down, we fell asleep. And for the first time since the trip into the past, we both slept without nightmares.

Chapter Text

And yet the oblivion of sleep wouldn't last long.
The nexmorningt began with Effie's shrill voice, "Get up, get up." I turned over again. I didn't want to get up yet. Peeta grumbled sleepily, too. He didn't want to get up yet either. I understood him well; neither of us wanted to face what the day would bring. And yet we got up. Peeta crept back to his room, I went to the bathroom. And I couldn't help it, but after a shower, I stood in front of the mirror again. And I couldn't see myself there, wrapped in a towel, no. I could only see the faces from my nightmares. I shook my head. 'You can't think about them now. Not if you can't save them.' I turned away and quickly left the room, heading for the closet. If I remember correctly, there should be clothes hanging there. And just as I thought. My workout clothes were hanging in the closet. Tight black pants, black shoes, and socks. I also found a sports bra. The last thing I put on was a long-sleeved black shirt and a burgundy tunic over it. I took two hairbands for my hair.
I entered the dining room. I was alone.
I'd barely sat down when the male Avox handed me my breakfast. "Thank you," I whispered. I knew we weren't allowed to talk to them without giving them orders, but that didn't sit well with me. I wouldn't use the humans the way Snow wanted me to. I'd barely started eating when I heard two sets of footsteps enter the room. 'Peeta and Haymitch.' I was right. Peeta quickly joined me and he too got his food. Haymitch, on the other hand, only asked for a coffee. Just like me, both of them thanked me. I knew it was just as upsetting to them not being able to help them as it was to me. But that wasn't something we could change yet. 'No, first we have to get out of the arena alive.' "Do you want to train separately?" Haymitch pulled me out of my thoughts. "No." Peeta's voice sounded firm. Haymitch just nodded; he'd expected that. "Something we could use?" I knew he was asking about things that had changed. "I'm pretty good with an axe." Peeta was quick to answer. "I'm pretty good with a knife, too." Haymitch looked at us, then nodded. He probably figured we'd practiced. "I'm pretty good with a bow and arrow." Haymitch just nodded; he'd expected that. Peeta chimed in. "You're pretty good with a knife, too." I had to nod. I'd almost forgotten that.

"We play by the same rules." We looked at him. "None of you show anything important during training. You stick to the things you don't know yet or the things that need a refresher." I nodded and could see that Peeta agreed. "When you test how your strengths work, don't let anyone see you playing to your strengths." Again we nodded and I could see Peeta's understanding. 'Haymitch said don't let the tributs see that these are your strengths.' I had to smile. 'He said never, hide your strengths from everyone.' We could work with that.

I had already finished my breakfast, just waiting for Peeta, when I held out the hair ties to Haymitch. He stared for just a moment before walking around the table and stealing his coffee. He grabbed the ties and gathered my waist-length curls into a high ponytail. He braided it again until he secured it. "Thanks, Hey," he just nodded. He looked sad, Peeta did too, and I knew the same expression was on my face. It wasn't easy for either of us. However, we had no other choice.

We headed toward the bedroom to brush our teeth. All too quickly, Effie and I found ourselves standing in front of the elevator.

The training rooms were once again located in the basement; it took less than a minute by elevator. The doors opened onto a huge hall, filled with various weapons and survival stands, and an obstacle course. It was just before ten, and yet we were the last to arrive. The other tributes were already sitting in a circle, so we joined them. And as expected, we were the only ones dressed appropriately. I looked at Peeta, who just nodded at me before turning away from me to pay attention to the Caputil trainer. But I knew what he meant: 'Pay attention and stick to the plan. I love you.'

Atala, a young athletic woman, began to explain the training plan. It was the same as the last few times. At each station, there were experts for the respective discipline. Once again, there were survival stations as well as combat stations. Fighting with other tributes was forbidden this time, too. Assistants were available for training with partners. While the individual stations were being read out, I looked around among the tributes. 'They were so small.' And when my gaze fell on little Rue, I had to hold back the tears. Peeta must have noticed that I was distracted, because he was looking where I was looking. He also had to hold back a wince. I could see tears in his eyes.

When Atala dismissed us, the Karrierros headed toward the weapons station, but as agreed, we headed to the survival stations. And that was a good idea, too, since these stations often had subtle clues about what kind of arena it was. Here, for example, there were examples everywhere of everything you could find in a forest. Especially a forest like the one in Twelve. Peeta gave me a reassuring look; he knew I was worried that Snow had landed here and was changing the arena. And yet, it seemed to be the same arena as last time.

"Knot tying?" I turned to him. "Good idea." We set off, and like last time, this station was deserted. The trainer seemed happy to have students. As I listened, I thought to myself. 'I couldn't understand why no one came to this station. Not this time, just like last time. Knots can be really useful and important, both for food and for one's own safety.' And just like last time, the trainer, noticing that we knew something about snares, showed us simple but effective traps that could be used against a human opponent. We stayed for about an hour until we mastered what the trainer had taught us, before we set off toward Stealth.
As expected, Peeta excelled here. He skillfully mixed mud, clay, and berry juice. The trainer was enthusiastic, and I watched with a small smile on my face. I had tried to join in at first, but quickly gave up. I still wasn't gifted at such things. Quite the opposite of the children. They often sat with Peeta all weekend and painted. My smile faded a bit, as the children had inherited both of our talents. They both had a great time painting and a gifted singing voice. I looked back at Peeta, who was covering his work with leaves. "Cakes?" I asked teasingly. "Cakes." He answered in the same tone. "Prim likes to look at them." I could tell from the way he jerked his head up that I must have sounded particularly distracted. "I know." He sounded sad. "I see you standing in front of the windows. She's always beaming." He smiled sadly at me. "Just like you."

At lunchtime, we went to the dining room, along with all the other tributes. We helped ourselves to the buffet set up all around and found a free table at the very back. A strategic position. This way, we could see both the doors and the tributes. It was a trauma reaction, we both knew, as we had observed it in all the Victors. Whether Finnick, Johanna, Haymitch, or even Annie—we all had it.

A few tables away, the Careers tried to intimidate everyone else. They ignored anyone who wasn't them and swung their knives and forks at each other. The others sat alone, lost sheep alone in the lion's den. Peeta and I talked about everything and nothing. We had to be careful what we talked about, and yet that didn't bother us. We always had to be careful; there was always someone monitoring everything. Be it Snow or, later, Coin in 13. We could never speak without being watched. And so, Peeta once again gave an improvised lesson about the bread in the breadbasket. I already knew many of the facts, yet I listened intently. I loved watching him talk about what he loved, whether it was baking or his painting. How could I not? He had confessed to me in the early years of our marriage that he would have given up both for me if it hadn't come to all that.

This is how we spent the next three days. We went from station to station: making fires, building huts. We stayed away from knife throwing this time. We also skipped the man-on-man fight. Peeta would only stand out, and since we wanted to prevent that, we skipped such stations altogether. And yet we passed the Edible Plant Test with ease.

On the second day, he pointed out to me again that we'd been given a shadow. I tried very hard not to let my grief show. I seemed to have successfully fooled everyone else, but Peeta could always see through me. This time was no different; I could see it in his face. "Rue?" "Rue." I trembled, trying to push the memory away. It didn't work. I could feel her all day, scurrying behind us from station to station.

At breakfast and dinner, Effie and Haymitch grilled us about what we had done and about the other tributes. What had we done, what had the other tributes done, who was watching us or the others. Effie seemed surprised when Haymitch got involved. I understood. Haymitch had only helped after I had stabbed the table. I didn't do that this time and Haymitch helped anyway, so I understood Effie's confusion. But from the looks she gave me and Haymitch, she seemed to have decided that he was only helping because of me. Well, she was half right and half wrong. Haymitch was, after all, the only one besides the children who loved Peeta as much as I did.

On the third day, the long-awaited event finally arrived. One-on-one training in front of the Gamemakers.
We'd semi-successfully ignored them for the past few days. That wasn't an option this time. Now it was all about impressing them. The room emptied quickly, and all too quickly, we were last. Once again.
Peeta was first. He looked at me again. I hoped my eyes expressed what I wasn't allowed to say yet. 'I love you.'
Finally, I was alone.

It felt like an eternity, but only about a quarter of an hour before my name was called. And so I entered the room. It was the same as last time. And just like last time, none of the Gamemakers looked in my direction. They were eating and drinking. Drinking heavily. I could recognize Seneca Crane. Plutarch Heavensbee also caught my eye. He was standing directly in front of the bowl of punch. An idea formed.

And unlike last time, when I had announced my presence, I didn't this time. No, I grabbed my bow and arrow and headed for cover. Hidden behind a few practice dummies, I took my first aim. The first arrow landed in a punching bag. It wasn't quite where I wanted it; the string was tauter than I remembered. The next one landed in the one next to it. The one after that landed in another. The one after that landed in one of the designated targets. And yet I still didn't have their attention. And so the next arrow landed in the lamp, and the one after that in the individual bottles on the shelves behind the game makers. That got me their attention. A few of them scanned the room but couldn't spot me. Among them was Plutarch. The rest ran in circles like a flock of excited geese.
My last arrow landed in the punch glass. Plutarch, standing right in front of it, was completely soaked. I left my bow and arrow there and stood up and stepped into the middle of the hall. I made the bow Father had taught me. "Thank you for your attention."

I turned and left the room.

Chapter Text

I made my way to the elevator as quickly as possible, past the staring Avoxes. I entered the elevator and hammered the button with the bold lettering 12. I knew exactly what it would be like, I had prepared myself for it, and yet the anger kept creeping back up. The anger that I still seem to have not overcome.

Once I reached our floor, I got out of the elevator rather quickly and headed toward the living room. I knew I would find everyone there. And I was right: Effie was sitting in one of the armchairs, Cinna and Portia were sitting at a dining table covered in papers. Peeta was stretched out on one of the sofas, Haymitch was occupying the other. That was exactly where I was headed. I would love to be held by Peeta, but I knew we couldn't yet. So I took the nearest hugs. I stepped to the sofa and let myself fall. I knew Haymitch would never let me fall. No, he would protect us until his last breath, his sunshine and his sweetheart.

And as always, I was spot on. As soon as I lay next to him on the sofa, I felt an arm around my narrow shoulders, preventing me from falling off. I relaxed and let him drift off. And we stayed like that for a while. At some point, Haymitch started humming, and out of habit, I joined in. The song was familiar to me, as it was one my father had sung to me, and I had sung it to my and Peeta's children. It was an old Covey song. I didn't know exactly where Haymitch knew it from, but I was aware of three possibilities. Either Lenore Dove had sung it to him, my father, or he had memorized it when I sang it to our children. Which of these options was true, I honestly don't care. And while Haymitch continued humming, I sang the lyrics:

"Abraham took Isaac's hand and led him to the lonesome hill.
While his daughter hid and watched,
She dare not breathe, she was so still.
Just as an angel cried for the slaughter,
Abraham's daughter raised her voice.

Then the angel asked her what her name was,
She said, "I have none."
Then he asked, "How can this be?"
"My father never gave me one."

And with his sword up, raised for the slaughter,
Abraham's daughter raised her bow.
"How darest you, child, defy your father?"
"You better let young Isaac go."

We didn't know it, but everyone left them standing and lying there just to listen better. The time I last spent crying was finally beginning, before we finally moved on to other things. After all, this moment might not last forever. I knew that. And so I finally sat up. Effie put her things down too. "Time for dinner." Her Capitol accent echoed through the room. Peeta got up from the sofa and stood on the dining table. Cinna and Portia were already clearing them away.

It was another feast, carried out by the Avoxes. The appetizer was fish soup. As I absentmindedly spooned it away, I looked at Peeta and caught his worried look. 'What's wrong?' he seemed to be saying. I tried to retort with, 'Same as last time.' The main course had barely begun when Haymitch's voice broke through. "Okay, enough small talk. What happened?" I shoved another bite into my mouth. Peeta, on the other hand, started right away. "None of them paid me any attention. They were all singing a drinking song. I threw a few knives around and swung an axe a few times. I did that until they dismissed me." Peeta shrugged. It was my turn. "I grabbed a bow and arrow and then fired a few shots from a hidden corner." Both Peeta and Haymitch stared at me, both knowing this wasn't all. Haymitch seemed to be taking the fall for the team. "What were you shooting at, sweetheart, what?" I shrugged. "The lights, punching bags, and targets." Haymitch continued to stare at me. "Well, I could have also been shooting at the bottle on the shelf behind you."

"You—you did what!?" I could hear Effie's shrill voice crying out in horror. I remembered well the first time this had happened. I was so desperate, a despair I couldn't muster today. "What did they say?" Cinna spoke up cautiously. "I don't know." I shrugged again. "I left." Effie's horror only seemed to grow. "Without being exqused?" I just looked at her. "I exqused myself." I remembered Prim and flinched a little. "Well, so much for that." Haymitch chimed in again. "Do you think they'll do something now? Against me or the family?" I knew the answer, but I needed to hear it again from Haymitch himself. "No, I don't think so. They'll most likely just make it hell for you in the arena." Peeta's bright voice boomed out. "Nothing new then." I smiled at him before looking back at Haymitch.

"How did they look?" I knew he wanted to know if everyone's expressions were better than last time. I saw his suppressed laughter. "Horrified, scared, some of them ridiculous. Some wet themselves. One fell into the bowl with the bulge. Backwards." Haymitch couldn't seem to contain his laughter any longer, because as soon as I finished my story, his laughter erupted. Peeta and I joined in almost simultaneously.

"Well, they deserve it." Effie's voice silenced us. "It's their job to watch you, after all." I flinched briefly and could see the pain flash on both Peeta's and Haymitch's faces. Right now, Effie sounded far too much like our Effie. It seems none of us were prepared to see this version of ourselves. And so the three of us remained silent. We could see the others were confused by our sudden silence, but after a few failed attempts to restart conversation, they too finally remained silent. It wasn't long before we finished dinner.
We headed toward the lounge to wait for our training scores to be announced. We made ourselves comfortable, Effie, Cinna, and Portia sharing a sofa, Peeta, Haymitch, and I the other. We mirrored our positions from the train. Haymitch leaned at one end. I curled up againstHaymitch, and Peeta sat close to me. We sat there like statues, yet for the boys' sake, I tried to break the ice. "Do you think I can beat yourone, Uncle Hey?" Haymitch stared at me for a moment, just like everyone else, before bursting into loud laughter. "I don't think you couldeven do it if you deliberately tried." I had to chuckle; he was right, I couldn't do any worse than him. I wouldn't even know how
I giggled. And I could hear Peeta laughing, too.

"Shh, it's starting." Too used to Effie and obeying her, not that she knew it, the three of us turned to the screen together. The upcoming scores were nothing new to the three of us. The Career Tributes, once again, all received eight to ten points. The other tributes received an average of five. The only exception to this rule was little Rue again. She got her seven again.
We were last in line, as usual. I watched the screen tensely; I could feel both men next to me tensing. We knew Peeta and I would work together regardless of what number appeared. But we also knew it would be a tremendous help if we both achieved a high score. After what seemed like an infinite amount of time, the number finally appeared: 10. We stood frozen for a moment before Haymitch nodded and I squeezed Peeta's hand. No one was celebrating yet; we were all waiting for my score.
When my face appeared on the screen, the men next to me seemed to tense up even more. I, on the other hand, dug my nails deeper into Haymitch's arm. We all braced ourselves for the worst. A number appeared. 12. A twelve. We were frozen. We couldn't be happy. We knew exactly what this was. This wasn't a 'congratulations, you're great', no, this was a 'You're good, yes. But you're District. You made us look ridiculous, and you'll pay for this'. Because now they were all after me, and even worse, after Peeta too.

Effie let out a shrill scream. Everyone except Peeta and Haymitch patted me on the shoulder. They seemed to be celebrating. "They seem to like your spirit, Moonlight." He sounded strained. "They seem to need a little fire." "Katniss—the girl on fire." Somehow, Cinna had appeared behind us to hug me. "Just wait until you see your interview outfit." I gave him a shaky smile. "On fire again?" He smiled wickedly. "Something like that."

Chapter Text

The next morning dawned bright and early. Much too early. Knowing there wouldn't be breakfast yet, I got out of bed. I slipped into the hallway and from there into Peeta's bedroom. I sat down on the bed and was about to nudge him when he opened his eyes to look at me. "Hey," he gave me a sleepy smile. "Hey," I automatically smiled back. "Want to come with me for some fresh air?" 'Come up to the roof with me?' We both knew I meant rather. He nodded, got out of bed, and followed me to the door.
As soon as we reached the steps leading to the roof, I heard movement throughout the apartment. I quickly realized Peeta heard it too, so we hurried to reach the door to the roof. As soon as the door closed behind us, we both burst into hysterical laughter. Just as we had stopped, we looked at each other and burst out laughing again.

But when we finally stopped laughing, we looked down from the roof at the still-rising sunrise. We sank to the ground, and Peeta pulled me onto his lap. I snuggled against his broad chest. It was peaceful. Well, as peaceful as the Capitol could be. We stared up at the sky. "I miss Finny..." I felt Peeta's gaze on me rather than saw it. It was a dangerous statement, here in the Capitol, I knew that, and yet I had to get it out. I had to say it, or I'd go crazy. Peeta understood this urge, I know that. He missed Annie and Finnick just as much as I did and Haymitch, even if the latter wouldn't admit it.

"I miss them too..." his gentle voice barely reached my ears, "But they won't know us." I could hear his pain dripping from his words. "No, they won't..." I had to agree. Finnik and Annie won't know us anymore; they didn't remember us the way we remembered them. To them, we were just tributes.
It was the truth, and yet that truth hurt all three of us terribly. I, Peeta, and Haymitch, we wished we had others who could understand why we were the way we were. And yet we would give up all of this so that these two would never have to feel the pain we had to. That Annie would never have to lose her husband and watch her son grow up without a father. That Finnick would never have to know what it's like to die protecting his little sister and never get his happy ending. We'd rather be alone hundreds of times for that. It was worth it if only they could get a happier ending.

I heard the door open behind us and quickly turned my head. I saw a head of dark curly hair turn the corner and exhaled. 'Haymitch, it was just Haymitch.' As quickly as he slipped through the door, it looked like he didn't want to be seen by anyone, yet I knew he'd seen us a long time ago. "Breakfast is ready." Mitchie gave us a small, sincere smile. "Are you coming?" Peeta pressed one last kiss to my temple before Haymitch lifted me into his arms. I hadn't heard him coming. "I have an idea for after breakfast." Haymitch spoke softly. "Find the most formal clothes you can find." He gave us both a sad smile. "Okay?"
We made our way down the stairs. I was still clinging to Haymitch. And I had a vague idea of what Haymitch could had planned.

We reached the table faster than any of us would have liked. It would be the last breakfast of this kind before we entered the arena for a third time. Effie, Cinna, and Portia were already sitting around the table when we entered the room. The two stylists seemed tense, Effie looked sad, and I could slowly see a glimpse of our Effie shining through. It hurt. Peeta sat down, and Haymitch let me slide into the chair next to him before he plopped down in the seat to my left.

Breakfast passed in silence. No one seemed to know what to say, and the silence grew thicker. Just as we were almost finished, Effie spoke up. "After lunch, we'll start prepering for the interviews. Haymitch, make sure you're on time." She sniffed before hurrying out of the room. We only looked at each other briefly; Haymitch wasn't even upset at being yelled at. We all knew that was how Effie was hiding her fear. Haymitch picked up his whiskey glass, which, as far as I could see, didn't even have any alcohol in it, looked at us, and said, "Go on. See you soon." I nodded, grabbed Peeta's hand, and stood up. Neither of us noticed the look Portia and Cinna gave all of us.

We headed toward the bedrooms. There we separated, but not before Peeta pulled me into his arms again. All too quickly, however, he let me go again. He kissed me on the forehead before disappearing into his bedroom with a mischievous smile. I could only stare after him, dazed. I just shook my head with a smile before disappearing into my own room to take a shower and do what Haymitch asked.

In the shower, I quickly decided to change my usual scents a bit. I wasn't quite sure why, but instead of my usual forest, I chose my forest and primroses. Why I chose this combo, the one I wore on our wedding day, I couldn't really explain. And yet, my gut feeling told me to use this combo; it would also fit, which I thought Haymitch might have planned. And so I finally left the bathroom and headed to the closet.

I ended up standing in front of the closet for about 20 minutes trying to find something that would meet Haymitch's standard of 'formal.' I rummaged through dresses in a variety of colors, patterns, and cuts to find one that met his and my standards. Just when I was about to give up, I found a dress that was exactly what I was looking for. I pulled it out of the closet.

A long, dove-gray dress with long sleeves, a bodice embroidered with teal, seafoam, and sienna in the shape of small flames and birds, as well as various flowers. I could see asteroids, primroses, and even Katniss plants, alongside more common flowers like roses, tulips, and sunflowers. I had barely slipped into the dress and shoes when there was a knock at the door. "Sweetheart, may I come in?" Haymitch. "Come in." As the door opened, only to close again a moment later, I finally turned toward the door. What I saw was nothing I expected to see.

Haymitch stood in the doorway, exceptionally in a full suit, tears in his eyes. He just looked at me. I looked back. I saw flowers in his hands. Now everything made perfect sense: why Haymitch wanted us to be dressed formally, why we were supposed to meet him on the roof. Haymitch knew, just as we did, that winning the games wasn't promised to us again. And yet he didn't want to let us go without being able to promise us our love again.

Haymitch had arranged an engagement for us. Not a wedding, but an engagement. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I could see the exact moment Haymitch realized I understood what he was trying to give us. I gave him a watery smile, pointed to the flowers, and asked, just as I had, on my wedding day, decades before: "Help me with my hair?"

Haymitch just nodded and I sat down on the edge of the bed, the flowers lying next to me. Sunflowers, dandelions, black and red tulips, white lilies, blue cornflowers, violets, and bluebells. I quickly had to hold back the tears. Haymitch knew exactly what he wanted to say with the flowers he braided into my hair. Sunflowers symbolize happy laughter and good humor, dandelions remind us that we can courageously follow our own path and should free ourselves from baggage and welcome change. Black tulips represent blazing passion, while red ones symbolize love. White lilies represent light, purity, and beauty. Blue cornflowers represent loyalty, confidence, and a closeness to nature. However, I believe Haymitch was alluding to the meaning for those unhappily in love: I will not give up hope. Violets represent innocence, secrecy, and a longing for marriage and family life. And finally, bluebells, symbolizing togetherness and unity, but also gratitude and appreciation.
While I was thinking about the meaning of the flowers, Haymitch finished my hair and guided me to the bathroom mirror. "So? What do you think?"

I looked in the mirror, and what I saw took my breath away. Haymitch had braided my hair into a crown on my head. The back part hung in loose curls down to my waist. He had incorporated the flowers into the braided part to form a crown. Clerk Carmaine's gift hung around my neck. I was beautiful, even I had to admit. The smile on my face made me glow. I turned to Haymitch and pulled him into my arms. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

He gave me a sad smile. I knew what he was thinking. My father, Burdock, and how he would never see one of his daughters get engaged and married. It was a thought I'd had many times, and it was one of the reasons why I never wanted to fall in love last time. It made me all the more grateful for Haymitch and his fight for us.

I looked in the mirror again and was about to turn around and head for the roof when Haymitch's hand on my shoulder stopped me. I looked at him. "Wha—" He looked in the mirror before he spoke. "I have something for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box.

I knew what this would be. The dowry, made from the most expensive thing a family could afford. In 12, it was traditionally given by the father of the bride. In cases like me and Prim, who lost our father early on, this task fell to the oldest male relative. Since we had no relatives left on Father's side and Mother was deceased, it was permissible for Haymitch to provide the dowry. After all, he was our father's best friend and theoretically the only male relative, as he was still loyal to Lenore Dove.

"I asked Mags to help me choose." He looked away shyly before opening the box to show me the contents. I was amazed when I saw the necklace. A gold chain with a medallion attached to it. The medallion itself was a masterpiece. It was made of gold, and various flowers were engraved on the edge and across the back: asteroids, burdocks, primroses, Katniss flowers, dandelions, and bluebells. Fragments of pearly white pearls and green aventurine were set in various places. In the center, a mokingbird and a canary, engrossed in each other, flew over the medallion.

I swallowed hard. I knew exactly what each engraving meant. The flowers were obviously asteroids for my mother, burdocks for my father, primroses for my sister and our daughter, Katniss flowers for me, dandelions for Peeta, and bluebells for Haymitch. The pearly white pearl chips for our son. The green aventurine chips for Finnick, my brother, and his little family. "Thank you," my voice sounded watery. "Help me put it on?"
And the next time I looked in the mirror, the medallion was attached to the gift from Clerk Carmaine. And so it fell between my collarbones, resting under the flint striker. "Now we can go." Haymitch's gentle voice pulled me from my thoughts.

And so we headed toward the roof. Haymitch would promise me to Peeta today before he gave me away on my wedding day. When we reached the door, we paused for a moment before I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Chapter Text

The first thing I saw on the roof were the small lights everywhere. I dug my fingernails deeper into Haymitch's arm. I'd barely processed the view when I saw Peeta. He was standing under the branches of two trees, in the small roof garden. He was wearing a light green shirt, embroidered with small flowers. I was too far away to determine the exact ones. He wore black pants and boots with the shirt. A small path of lights led to him. He looked ethereal, the personification of light and warmth. There was no one else on the roof except the three of us.

And so Haymitch simply led me on. The minutes dragged on. As soon as I stood facing Peeta, I finally got a good look at him. His eyes shone, a brilliant blue, as beautiful as the summer sky. They glittered with something I could only describe as all-encompassing love. I couldn't look away.

Next to me, I almost missed Haymitch beginning to speak: "Today we gather here to formalize the joining of two families." His voice was soft yet haunting. "After the exchange of your vows and engagement rings, the one-year engagement period begins." I could hear the tears in Haymitch's voice. In Peeta's eyes, I could see the tears I could feel in my own. Haymitch cleared his throat: "I, Haymitch Abernathy, as is my right and duty as the oldest male relative, give the betrothed my blessing upon this union between our families. May your union be long and happy. May the stars light your path in the deepest darkness."
A single tear ran down Peeta's cheek, and I could feel my own tears as well. The traditional words Haymitch spoke broke our composure. It was the
first time we were able to have the traditional engagement of 12. Last time, the interference of the Capitol and Snow made this impossible.

"I give you the hand of my beloved niece in marriage. I give you the treasure of our family to found your own. I officially accept your request to make our beloved princess your undyingly beloved queen." This wasn't part of the official engagement vows, and yet these words somehow summed up exactly what I was to Haymitch, Prim, my father, and even my mother back then. Their beloved princess, their strength, their undying love, their unwavering loyalty. Next to Prim, the greatest treasure of our family.

I couldn't contain my radiant smile, nor did I want to, as Haymitch took my left hand and placed it in Peeta's right. Peeta would be the next to speak, as tradition dictated: "Katniss, you are my shining strength, my unwavering faith, my indomitable loyalty." He reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my loyalty and my undying love. I give you my life and my laughter." His smile was heartbreakingly beautiful as he slipped the ring onto my left ring finger. "With this ring, I seal my promise." He raised the hand he was holding to press a kiss to the back of my hand.

I was next—I knew that, and yet I could barely speak. I took a deep breath before speaking. "Peeta, you are my sun, my shining hope." I gave him a watery smile. Haymitch reached into his pockets again and handed me the ring he had picked for me and Peeta. "I give you this ring as a token of my loyalty and my undying love. I give you my life and my joy." My voice trembled as I spoke the traditional words. I took his left hand and, with trembling hands, slipped the engagement ring onto his ring finger. "With this ring, I seal my promise."

I stared into his eyes for what felt like hours. My hands in his. He leaned forward and pressed a single kiss to my forehead before pulling me into his strong arms. And we stayed like that for a while. I in Peeta's arms, he wrapped protectively around me. After what felt like an eternity, Peeta let go, took a step back, and I turned to Haymitch. His eyes gleamed traitorously as he pulled me into his own arms. I heard a whisper in my ear: "May you be happy for a long time." He kissed the top of my head and pulled Peeta into his arms, whispering his own congratulations to him. And me? I looked happily at two of the people I loved most, and my smile only grew brighter.

It wasn't long before we headed back toward the apartment. Haymitch led the way, Peeta and I trailed behind, hand in hand. None of us were in a hurry, knowing this was the last time we'd have alone time today. We quickly reached the top of the stairs and, without having to talk to each other, followed Haymitch toward the living room. We were alone, so we made ourselves comfortable. Haymitch sat on the sofa, while Peeta and I shared the armchair. We stayed like that for a while, relaxed in each other's company. After a while, I heard a faint humming. It wasn't me, and I could see that Peeta was also searching for the source of the sound. That left only one possibility: Haymitch.

The humming slowly but surely turned into a quiet song. Peeta, the everlasting sunbeam, asked me to dance. And me? I gave him this, just as I would give him anything I could.

"Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each other's face
So much in love, you're alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world"

Haymitch's singing was like a warm blanket falling over us. It was as if a spell had fallen over us and the parlor. A spell woven from Peeta whirling me across the dance floor and Haymitch's soft, whiskey voice echoing through the room.

"I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one, she told me so
And she still means the world to me, just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl"

I paid no attention to our surroundings, yet the words of the song burned into my soul. Because they were so true. It was Haymitch, who, as always, knew what I was feeling before I did, who could always see through me. I knew I was special to him, just as he was special to me. I was his girl, his sweetheart.

"Time changes everything, life must go on
And I'm not going to stand in your way"

This, too, was a fundamental truth. He never stood in our way, never. Not when I still didn't know what to do with my feelings, not when I was fighting to get a brainwashed Peeta back. He never stood in our way; he was the one who cleared our path of all dangers as far as he could, no matter what he had to lose.

"But I loved her first, I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away, I loved her first"

He had told me about the time he first saw me, with my father at the Hoob. I was so small, he told me, and my father, his brother and best friend, was so proud. I remembered what he told me well:

"I first saw you at the Hoob, you know." It was a quiet night. We were sitting in the living room, Peeta putting our son to bed. "Really?" I turned to him and gave him my undivided attention. "Yes. You were so small. Three, four. No older. Your father brought you. He was so incredibly proud." He gave me a smile. "He was always so proud when he could show off his daughter. You looked so much like him." His smile faded a little. "But me? You didn't just remind me of a more carefree version of your father."

That was all he would tell me about it that night.

"How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckle-face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights"

It was a truth I couldn't admit to myself for a long time. After the death of my father and later Prim, Haymitch was the only adult who would truly care for me. It was Haymitch who brought me home, Haymitch who held me, Haymitch who made the nightmares go away or held me when they wouldn't go away. It was Haymitch who saw me grow up. Not my mother, who buried herself in her work in 2 after the rebellion. Not my father, whom Prim and I lost far too soon.

"And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time"

And this statement was also true. And so I just listened. For a moment, I stopped being stuck in the past and clung to the moment we were creating here.

"But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first"

We slowly came to a stop. I was standing in Peeta's arms, which he had wrapped around my Talie. My own were behind his neck, intertwined. His forehead was leaning against mine. And we stood like that for a few heartbeats, just together.

Only when we heard the elevator open did we finally let go. And not a second too soon. We'd barely sat back down on the sofa when Effie, Portia, and Cinna entered the room. "Lunch is ready." Effie's high-pitched voice echoed through the room. "Come, come. We have a schedule to keep." And so it was that less than five minutes later, we were sitting at the table. It wasn't lunch. More like brunch, since it was only 11:30. And yet a feast was spread out before us.

It was a quiet meal, just like breakfast. I thought back to the last time, the interview training. This time it wasn't such a fiasco. Maybe it was because we'd already agreed on a strategy beforehand, or maybe it was because of the existing training. But yesterday it hadn't seemed nearly as bad as the first time. And as I reminisced, lunch flew by.

"Sweetheart?" Haymitch sounded slightly concerned. I turned my head to him. "Yeah, Hey?" "We're ready. We have to go." He sounded ready. And when I looked around, we were alone in the room. I stood up, grabbed Mitchie's hand, and off we went toward the prep team.

Chapter Text

The day flew by. The prep team did an excellent job. They once again transformed my skin into satin. My fingernails were given flame motives at the same time. My face was adorned with a layer of makeup, from which they once again carved out my features. Large, dark eyes, full lips. Once again, my eyelashes sparkled whenever I blinked. And the powder that gave me a golden shimmer was also applied this time. My hair was down this time, unlike the first edition of these games. Well, except for the front curls, which were braided out of the way with a tiara and gathered into a small braid at the back of my head. The tiara fell over my forehead, tapering to a point between my eyebrows. It was adorned with a ruby ​​at the tip; at the right angle, it looked like a single flame.

When Cinna entered the room with my veiled dress, he smiled at me before asking, "Close your eyes, okay?" I felt the silk lining as she slipped the dress over my body. It was just as heavy as the first dress Cinna made for me, and yet I knew instantly that this was a different dress. This one had one sleeve. I held Octavia's hand as I stepped into the shoes, and I was relieved to find them quite flat. They were a pair without a noticeable heel. I was pulled and tugged a bit more until silence fell. "Can I look now?" I just had to ask. "Yes," Cinna replied. "You may."

I opened my eyes and was speechless. Completely speechless. I had to swallow. This dress was breathtaking. It was a pretty gray shade. As I had already noticed, it had long sleeves and was long, reaching down to the floor. Over this dress was a sheer fabric, this time in dove gray, which fell over the entire dress. The sleeves of this dress were long bell sleeves that fell over my hands. The two were held together by a golden belt, the individual links of which looked like small flames, set with tiny rubies. It matched the golden tiara perfectly. The neckline was also decorated with individual rubies. Where the first dress made me look like a walking flame, this one made me a beacon of light.

"Oh, Cinna." My voice was choked. "Thank you."

I looked in the mirror one last time while Cinna shooed the still-stunned team out. Only then did I notice I was still wearing my presents. Both the gifts from Madge and Clerk Carmaine, as well as my engagement ring and the locket Haymitch gave me.

This time, Cinna let me run around, and yet it felt completely different. The first time, I was completely terrified; today, I was calm, almost joyful. Not because of the event, never because of the event. But you can only do it so many times before one thing overflows into the next. And so I sank down onto the sofa. Cinna sat down next to me. "They already love you." His soft voice broke the silence. "Are you ready?" he asked, as always genuinely interested in my answer. "As good as I'll ever be." It was as true as I could say. And so we just sat there, in comfortable silence. When it was finally time to leave, the time had passed far too quickly. Cinna was the one who opened the door for me.

In the elevator, we met the rest of the delegation of 12. Portia and her team had also put in a lot of effort. Peeta was remarkable in his suit. Like me, he was dressed in gray, with flames of rubies licking up his sleeves. His hair had individual strands that had been dyed black. On his ring finger, he also wore his engagement ring, the only piece of jewelry he wore. But it was his eyes that completely captivated me. His team had also given him dark eye makeup, which made his eyes shine. I couldn't tear my eyes away. I was mesmerized. Only Effie's compliments could break the spell, as I responded reflexively. I looked at the rest of the group and quickly realized that both Effie and Haymitch were dressed appropriately for the event.

Haymitch also matched us. That was the first thing I noticed. On his sleeves were flame-shaped cufflinks inlaid with rubies. Haymitch wore a dove-gray suit, and as I now realized, the color scheme seemed to have been chosen for all of us together. Peeta wore a suit the exact color of my dress, while Haymitch's suit was the color of the top of my dress.

When the elevator finally opened, the other tributes were lining up to enter the stage. Like the last few times, we would be sitting in a semicircle around the center of the stage. And as always, I was second to last, with only Peeta after me. It was tradition and played right into our hands. Everything I presented could be used by Peeta, and that was exactly what we planned.

It was the day before the interviews, and we were sitting together in the lounge; we had decided to do everything together this time. Not that Haymitch had even really tried to talk us out of it, as he knew better than anyone that this was a hopeless undertaking. "Well, how do we play this?" Haymitch pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked from one to the other: "With as much truth as possible." I smiled slightly.

I saw Peeta nod in agreement. Haymitch looked thoughtful: "So we're announcing some news, Moonlight?" Peeta and I nodded in agreement. I could see the grimace on both of their faces. Both Haymitch and Peeta didn't want to give something as sacred as our love to the Capitol, but they knew we would have to do this to even have a chance of getting us both out of the arena. "Then we'll leave that part to Sunshine, okay?" We both nodded again, but that was what we'd thought about. Haymitch seemed satisfied. "Then we'll focus on that." That meant my interview was meant to cheer Peeta up.

I only woke up from my reverie when Haymitch appeared behind us to pull us into one last hug. "You can do this. Stay alive." As quickly as he had appeared, he was gone again. And not a moment too late, as the tributes in front of us were already moving. And so we walked single file up to the stage. And while all the other tributes stayed in their assigned rows, my steps automatically matched Peeta's. He offered me his arm just as automatically. And so we reached our seats together. Peeta bowed gallantly before pressing a kiss on the back of my hand. I returned the favor with a gentle curtsy before we sat down. I looked around.

The front row was once again occupied by the stylists, so that any reaction to their creations could be panned to them. The Gamemakers were once again housed on one of the balconies to the right. The remaining balconies were occupied by camera crews. The streets and the central square were crowded with people, standing room only as always. All over Panem, the televisions were being turned on. There would be no power outages today. 'Too bad.' While I was looking around, Caesar Flickerman came on stage, and this time too he wore his hair in different colors. Dove blue was the color this year. I can't remember what color he wore at previous performances; it could have been yellow or blood red. I couldn't for the life of me remember.

I watched as each tribute made his way to the front of Caesar and their three minutes came and went. I sat there neatly, as Effie had instructed, and lingered in my thoughts. It wasn't until Rue's turn that I was torn from my thoughts. I had to suppress a smile on my face. I wasn't prepared to see her. Not so alive when all I could see was her too small, motionless body. The thoughts held me captive and I almost missed Caesar calling my name. It was Peeta who gave me a subtle nudge before he reached out his hand to help me get up. Peeta gallantly slid back into the pillows with a kiss, while I made my way toward Caesar.

He changed his greetings. The first time, he shook my hand, now he kissed the back of my left hand. The widening of his eyes told me he'd seen the ring and recognized it for what it was. And yet he was tactful enough not to mention it yet. "So, Katniss. The Capitol, I imagine it's so different from District 12. What impressed you most about your time here?" I didn't really have to think about that question, but I let a few seconds pass anyway. "You know, Caesar," I gave him a slight smile, "it's so different here, I can hardly decide. But if I had to, it would be the lame stew." Caesar inclined his head. "With the prunes?" I nodded. "Oh yes, I eat them by the bucketful." Caesar tried to help me out. "You can't tell by looking at me, can you?" The spectators quickly calmed him down.

"So, Katniss, your performance at the opening ceremony. My heart stopped. What do you personally think of the outfit?" I remembered Cinna's advice from last time. 'Be honest.' And so I answered with a slight grin. "Do you mean before or after I overcome my fear of burning alive?" This comment once again provoked laughter. Just like last time. "Yeah, start there." Caesar spoke loudly enough to be heard over the laughter. I could. This Cinna absolutely needed to hear it. "I thought Cinna was a genius and it had to be the most stunning outfit I'd ever seen." I smiled in Cinna's direction. "I couldn't believe I got to wear the outfit, just like I couldn't believe I got to wear this one." I lifted the skirt slightly before letting it fall again. "I mean, just look at it." I glanced briefly in Cinna's direction again, and lo and behold, I was right. He made a tiny gesture with his finger. 'Spin for me,' and so I took a tiny step away from Caesar and spun around in a circle.

The reaction was once again immediate. The crowd cheered, and Caesar shouted happily into the microphone. "Oh, do that again." And so I obeyed and spun again and again. Skirts flew, the flames licked around me. The crowd only cheered louder.

When I finally stopped, I grabbed Caesar's arm like last time. "Oh, don't stop." Caesar sounded genuinely disappointed. And so I giggled, "I have to, I feel dizzy." The spinning started again. Caesar put his arm around me protectively, just like last time. "Don't worry, I'll hold you. We don't want you to follow in your mentor's footsteps." This caused a great cheer as the camera panned to Haymitch. But unlike last time, when Haymitch had good-naturedly waved me off, this time they got a picture they hadn't expected. Haymitch was sitting upright with a sad smile on his face.

I had to swallow hard. This was the same smile he wore every time he talked about all the people he'd lost. And I stopped dead. I had hoped so much to never see that face directed at me again. Caesar seemed to realize something was wrong, because he hurried to move on. "Don't worry. She's safe with me." I smiled sadly at Caesar. "I don't think this helps Uncle Mitchie. Not if he can't keep me safe himself." The room suddenly fell completely silent. And Caesar, too, seemed to be completely speechless for a moment.

"Uncle Mitchie," he sounded startled. I smiled slightly sadly at Caesar. "Yes, Uncle Mitchie." I looked in Haymitch's direction. "He's always been protective. Of me and Prim."

Just as I had hoped, the lure worked. "Ah, little Prim." Caesar seemed even more subdued now than at the first edition of these games. "You volunteered. Why?" My smile faded a little. "She's only 12." I didn't even have to act out my sadness. No, the games always made me sad. Even many years of peace didn't help. "I love her almost more than anything in the world." The crowd was still so silent you could hear a pin drop. Caesar visibly pricked up his ears at the word 'almost.'

"Does this almost"—he sounds mischievous—"have something to do with this wonderful ring?" I glanced briefly in his direction. "Well—" I was about to reply, but the signal sounded and interrupted me. "Sorry, our time's up. Good luck, Katniss Teal Everdeen, District 12."

And so I made my way back to my seat. Peeta met me at the top of the stairs, offered me his hand, and helped me up the two steps. He squeezed my hand again before making his way to Caesar. Like last time, I didn't quite catch the beginning of his interview. I only woke up from my thoughts when I heard the anecdote about the shower. But it didn't matter that I was absent for the first minute, since we had agreed that Peeta would repeat 95% of his first interview. There would only be a small change towards the end.

"And Peeta, may I ask?" Caesar interrupted my thoughts. "A young man has to have a girlfriend." I could see Peeta stiffen, so exaggeratedly obvious that even the most observant person would notice, before he slowly shook his head.

Caesar obviously didn't believe him, as his next words made clear: "A boy as handsome as you... there must be a special girl. Come on, tell me, what's her name?" Peeta sighed and answered slowly, as if he were weighing each word. "There is a girl." Caesar practically jumped up and down with excitement. And so he chirped in, unknowingly playing right into our hands. "Then I tell you, you win, go back home, then she won't be able to turn you down." The crowd cheered in agreement before falling silent as Peeta started to answer.

"That won't work." Peeta shook his head sadly. "Not in my case. No, winning won't help me." Caesar looked completely confused. "Why not?"

"Because in my case, it's my fiancée, and well, we're here together."

Chapter Text

It was late in the evening when I stood on the roof. I couldn't sleep, as I always did at this time. All the years without games hadn't changed that. I knew I wouldn't be alone for long; Peeta couldn't sleep, just like Haymitch; they would join me soon. And I should be right. As soon as this thought occurred to me, the door opened and I could hear two pairs of footsteps.

"Hello, Sweetheart," Haymitch's voice echoed softly across the roof. "May Sunshine and I join you?" It was a rhetorical question—we all knew that, and yet I nodded absentmindedly. It wasn't long before I found myself on Peeta's lap, with Haymitch by my side. And so we spent a long time together. The sky grew darker and darker, the shadows longer. At some point, I heard Peeta humming.

"I'd like to say, "I'm okay", but I'm not

I try, but I fall, close my mind, turn it off

But I can't be sober, I cannot sleep

You've got your peace now, but what about me?"

Haymitch's voice sounded softly. Pain etched into every word. The lyrics were too close to reality. Of course they were, after all, I had written them for him.

"Thought we had the time, had our lives

Now you'll never get older, older

Didn't say goodbye, now

I'm frozen in time Getting colder, colder"

I hadn't cried. Not after the Reaping, not during the train ride, not during the parade, and not even during the training week. But now, on Peeta's lap, snuggled in Haymitch's side, surrounded by security and love. I couldn't help it; the tears fell in streams.

"One last word

One last moment

To ask you why

You left me here behind

You said you'd grow old with me

We had plans, we had visions, now I can't see ahead

We were one, we were golden, forever, you said

But I can't be sober, I cannot sleep

You've got your peace now, but what about me?"

And they didn't stop. In fact, they grew stronger, but never as strong as when Peeta joined in Haymitch's singing. It turned the tears from streams into waterfalls. Haymitchs voice brooke, I knew to well why. He thought about Lenore Dove and us, my father and sister, my mother and his own, his sweetheart and Ampert and his doves, his brother and his sisters all three of them.

"Thought we had the time, had our lives

Now you'll never get older, older

Didn't say goodbye, now

I'm frozen in time Getting colder, colder"

My slurping grew louder and more desperate. There was no guarantee we'd make it through this alive, and even then, there was no guarantee our gamble would work the same way we did the first time. And even if everything went the same way as last time, there was no guarantee the Revolution and Coin would intervene.

"One last word

One last moment

To ask you why

You left me here behind

You said you'd grow old with me

Thought we had the time, had our lives

Now you'll never get older, older

Didn't say goodbye, now

I'm frozen in time

Getting colder, colder

Just one last word

One last moment

To ask you why

You left me here behind

You said you'd grow old with me"

As Haymitch slowly finished the song, the slurping gradually faded into steady breathing. And so the gathering on the roof quietly dispersed. They entered the apartment and went to their assigned rooms. Katniss was still in Peeta's arms, as they would never sleep alone today.