Chapter Text
TW: Graphic descriptions of pain, body horror, mentions of injury, and mild swearing.
A flash of green light obscured his vision, and Technoblade collapsed to the ground, dropping his axe and the wood he’d been carrying. The voices in his head cried out in concern, but he couldn’t make out any words.
Pain flared through his body as though hundreds of hoglins were trampling him into the ground. In all his years, he’d never felt anything as painful as this, and he’d dealt with a lot of pain. Stab wounds, poison, broken bones, and even his skin being scorched off in a pit of lava were nothing compared to the all-consuming agony that snapped his bones and burned his body.
He curled into the fetal position and pressed his face into the hard netherrack, screaming louder. What had done this to him? Was this how he would die? As the pain and tortured screams reached a new crescendo, darkness took over his vision, and Technoblade collapsed into the welcome void.
~ ~ ~
When his screams died down and became tortured muttering, Technoblade’s attacker stepped out from behind the tree where he had been hiding to examine his handiwork. The once-unkillable piglin-hybrid was lying on the floor, prone and shivering, and the attacker grinned. Oh, how the mighty had fallen. It would be so easy to end his pathetic life right now…
“Telabyr, nu gohtowra. Hcotj ci csa wrem. O deqa uiy csa wipalh csec blaag uiy, emg o tiyrg kyhc eh aehoru ceja csan epeu.”
The attacker scowled and turned away, flexing his hands to feel that power again, to feel that tingling that made his hands glow green with magic. He closed his fists and snuffed it out, taking a deep breath. Once he’d regained control of his emotions, he turned back to his target on the floor.
The magic was beginning to take hold, and the soft green glow in Technoblade’s chest continued to change him. Bones snapped, skin stretched, and the shivering form on the floor grew and altered beyond recognition. In just a few minutes, he would be something entirely new. Undoubtedly, the confusion alone would be enough to keep the Blood God’s disciple out of what was to come, not to mention that his friends would be too focused on finding him to see the real issue right in front of their eyes. The attacker smiled again.
“It’s done, master. The Blade is down.”
~ ~ ~
Philza sighed and checked the time on his communicator again. It had been two hours since Technoblade had left to gather crimson wood, saying he’d be back in half an hour. He knew Techno was a warrior capable of keeping himself safe, but he couldn’t help worrying. After everything that had happened since he’d arrived on this server - Phil gulped as he remembered that day - he couldn’t help but worry a bit more.
And he felt he was justified in worrying! The nether was a dangerous place! A crow squawked from the rafters. No chat, he wasn’t being overprotective! When the clock finally struck 7pm with no sign of his friend, Phil gave in and sent Techno a message on his communicator.
[Philza] Hey Techno, just checking in! You okay?
He could feel his crows looking over his shoulder to read the message, and he tensed his wings, readying himself for their comments.
One crow squawked, “Look, Phil messaged Techno!” A couple others let out a scratchy caw that could be considered a laugh.
“He’s probably off killing orphans again.”
“LMAO I bet he’s ignoring you on purpose.”
“You know he doesn’t really kill orphans, right?”
“Hah! The old man is distraught!” Phil’s head snapped around at that comment and he located the crow in question, who was sitting on the back of a chair. It seemed to shrink in on itself when it realised its mistake. Philza didn’t even dignify the remark with a response, instead turning to stare at the murder of crows perched on his couch, all chirping “Oldza! Oldza!” Eventually, they stopped, and he rubbed his temples tiredly.
He felt some flapping next to his head and opened his eyes to see a crow on his shoulder, comfortingly rubbing its head against him. “Don’t worry, Phil… Techno’s too stubborn to die. Plus, he has the Blood God on his side!” Phil patted the crow on its feathery head, taking comfort in its warmth.
“Thanks, mate, but I can’t help worrying. He’s been gone four times as long as he was supposed to be!”
He checked his communicator to find the message delivered, but not read. Philza collapsed onto his couch, birds flying up in every direction as they desperately tried to avoid being sat on. He curled his wings around himself and rubbed one of his feathers between his fingers, trying to stay calm. The crow that had comforted him hopped onto his lap and settled down for a nap while the others watched with jealousy.
One more hour. If Techno hadn’t at least responded to his message by then, he would go looking for him. The crows couldn’t even call him overprotective then, because Techno being missing for three hours really was cause for worry.
~ ~ ~
Technoblade opened his eyes to find his face pressed against deep-red netherrack, the sweltering heat of the nether covering his body like a blanket. He lay there for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened. He searched his most recent memories for clues as he slowly started to piece together the previous day.
He had gone to the nether to gather crimson wood when his vision filled with green light and he collapsed, the pain knocking him out. And now he was here, lying on the floor of the nether. Honestly, it was a miracle nothing had attacked him while he lay on the ground.
Although his bones still ached, the burning pain from earlier was gone, so he decided to try getting up. He tried to push himself onto his hands and knees, but his body didn’t respond. He tried again, forcing the feeling back into his limbs. He grinned when he felt his face being pushed off the ground, but what he saw on either side of his head were not his hands.
In their place were two enormous hoglin hooves attached to two hoglin legs, attached to… Attached to… Techno tried to gasp, but it came out garbled through a mouth that wasn’t his, sounding like a mournful whine. Attached to him! He pushed himself up more and looked down at himself. He was a hoglin!
As he heaved himself onto all fours - which felt so weird, but also so natural - he looked at himself again. Not only was he a hoglin, he was huge. Techno tried to take a step forward and failed miserably, ending up on the ground again. He sighed, then watched as the cloud of dust that puffed up around his snout floated back down to the floor.
What was he still doing here? He couldn’t lie on the nether floor for the rest of his life! Wait, the rest of his life? What if this transformation was permanent? No, he couldn’t go down that rabbit hole right now. He needed to focus on getting out of here and back to Phil. He must be worried sick right now.
As Techno heaved himself up again, he noticed his axe and the wood he’d been chopping lying on the floor next to him, along with his communicator. He hated to leave it all here, especially that netherite axe, but he couldn’t carry it, so there it would stay. As he watched, a message from Phil popped up on the communicator, but he couldn’t even see what it said with his new eyes, much less open it with touch ID and respond. He left it there too.
Technoblade looked at his legs beneath him as he tried to work up the motivation to take a step. How did hoglins walk anyway? Techno had no idea because he’d never really paid attention to them before. He looked around the crimson forest to see if there were any around, and to his surprise there was. The pig was barely visible since it was so far away, but at least it wasn’t obscured by any trees. Techno watched carefully, paying attention to the movement of its legs as the hoglin wandered off until it was out of sight.
He gathered that hoglins walked with a sort of trot. Their front right foot moved with the back left, then the front left with the back right. Kind of like a diagonal thing. He tried to mimic what he’d seen, taking a step with two legs at once. He swayed a bit, but he managed to stay standing. So what if he got the rhythm wrong? So what if he looked like a drunk spider? At least he wasn’t on the floor.
Carefully, he took another step with his other two legs, and when he didn’t fall over, another. He started to move back in the direction he’d come from, using the tree stumps he’d created as a guide. Like a trail of breadcrumbs, except it was deforestation instead of food. Techno grinned at that joke, but his stomach started to rumble. What did hoglins even eat? Other hoglins?
As he walked, the feeling started to come more naturally to him. Slowly, he began to walk with more of a bounce in his step, his heels lifted off the floor so he was walking on his toes, and he started to pick up speed so he was walking instead of hobbling. Admittedly, there were some things that he still hadn’t gotten a handle on. The hooves had none of the grip his boots did, and he found them almost sliding out from underneath him multiple times. And turning? Forget about it. It was like steering a boat with no rudder.
As he rounded a corner five minutes from the nether portal to his house, Techno made the mistake of turning his head to look in the direction of a weird grunt at the same time as he took a step. His two front feet crossed and he hit the floor with a loud grunt. He lay there for a moment, feeling sorry for himself, before starting to get up. Then he heard footsteps.
“Oh!”
~ ~ ~
As Phil walked toward the nether portal, communicator in hand, he tried his absolute hardest to ignore the insistent squawks of chat from back in the house. Only one crow had followed him, and it was the one that had comforted him earlier. If it was trying to become his favourite crow, it was going about it the right way. Although of course, he didn’t have favourites!
It had been three hours since Techno had left the house, and just like he’d told himself he would, Phil had left to go look for him. The crows weren’t pleased, but he didn’t really care. He needed to make sure his friend was safe.
The crow perched on his shoulder as they approached the portal, and Phil took a deep breath before stepping through. He never really had gotten used to nether portals, and the feeling still had his feathers fluffing up and the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.
It felt like walking through a wall of ice-cold water that gradually became thicker until the air itself felt like syrup. His feet got heavier with each step as if the world he’d come from was trying to pull him back. For the last few seconds, everything stretched and distorted - his body, his mind, his sense of time - before it all snapped back into place on the other side. Suddenly he was standing in the sweltering heat of the nether. The crow on his shoulder gave a shiver and shook out its feathers.
“Yeah, you and me both, mate,” Phil chuckled. He took a moment to shake out his own wings before returning his focus to finding techno. And if his gaze lingered on the damaged wing for just a bit too long, his mind going back to that day… Well, the crow on his shoulder didn’t say anything about it and neither did he.
As he followed the twists and turns of the cavern that led to the nearest crimson forest - Techno had been getting crimson wood, after all - he found himself starting to worry about what could have happened. Again. He could be seriously hurt, maybe even - Phil gulped. He couldn’t even bring himself to think about that possibility. His chat and most server members would dismiss it, quoting his famous phrase, “Technoblade never dies,” but that wasn’t quite true. After all, he wasn’t a god. And even if he was, gods can bleed and gods can die.
As he rounded the last corner before the crimson forest, Philza came across a sight that stopped him in his tracks. A huge hoglin was slumped down in the middle of the path as if it had fallen over. And oh Prime was it huge! Where a normal hoglin came up to a little below his shoulders, this one was easily a whole head taller than him. He unintentionally let out a little “Oh!” at the sight of this giant beast. As it raised its head to look him in the eyes Phil wondered if he should run away while he had the chance.
However, instead of looking fearful or angry, the strange hoglin looked overjoyed to see him. It quickly got to its feet with a happy yip and started bounding over to him.
Despite the weirdly joyful expression on its face, it was still a hoglin, and an enormous one at that, so Phil instinctively brought his hands up in front of his face, his wings curling around him like a protective cocoon. He could hear the pounding footsteps of the beast come to a stop right in front of him, and when nothing happened he let his wings and arms fall back to his side.
Staring at him was the hoglin, a hopeful look in its eyes. No, that was silly. Hoglins didn’t get “hopeful looks”. They were hoglins. He watched as the beast slowly moved closer, cautiously and without any sudden movements, as you would if you were trying to get close to a skittish animal. Why hadn't it attacked him yet? What did it want? It was a meter away, then a foot, an arm’s length, then they were only a few inches apart. Phil didn’t move. He could read the animal’s body language and see in its eyes that it had no intent to harm him. So he just waited to see what it would do.
After they had watched each other for a moment, the hoglin cocked its head to the side as a dog might when it was thinking about something. It gave Phil a gentle sniff and he couldn’t help the soft chuckle that escaped his lips as the inhale ruffled his hair and loosened his hat. This hoglin must be insanely strong if it could create that much force just by breathing.
The beast then let out a soft grunt and opened its mouth as it leaned towards him. Phil flinched away, not wanting to get his face chewed off, but he was too slow to prevent it from grabbing onto the shoulder of his coat with its mouth. Phil froze as he watched it and the crow on his other shoulder let out a surprised squawk. The pig ignored them both and started to drag Phil away by the sleeve.
“What the actual fuck is going on?”