Chapter Text

Chapter 53

Seraphine

I stood in the dim hallway, watching as Kaelen led Aria into the bedroom. The door clicked shut behind them, sealing them in their own world, away from me.

My jaw tightened, and I could feel the twitch of my fingers—well, the fingers I still had. The stump of my left arm throbbed, phantom pain crawling up from the place where my hand used to be. A sharp, bitter twist of jealousy sliced through me, but it wasn’t just jealousy. No, it was deeper—exhaustion, a bone-deep weariness that made my legs feel like they were sinking into stone.

I took a shuddering breath, forcing my legs to move. I walked down the hall, turning into the next bedroom. The room was sparse—just a simple bed, a rickety chair, and a small table—but I barely registered any of it. I closed the door behind me, resting my forehead against the cool wood.

The ache in my chest deepened.

I had lost it.

The bond.

That connection I had always felt—Aria’s presence, her heartbeat, running through my blood like a second pulse—it was gone. The moment I made that deal, it had been ripped away from me, torn like a limb I still felt even though it wasn’t there anymore.

I let my armor fall to the floor in a heap, the weight of it crushing me. My body felt heavier than it ever had. I staggered to the bed, collapsing onto the edge. My breath came in sharp, ragged gasps as I clutched my remaining hand to my chest, the nails digging into my palm, grounding me. My left arm hung uselessly at my side. The absence of my hand—the absence of everything I once had with Aria—felt more pronounced than ever.

I had thought I could handle it. I had convinced myself that I could endure the pain, that I could live without it—the bond between us.

But now, it felt as though my soul had been gutted, hollowed out, leaving only an aching void where Aria used to be.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying desperately to remember the feeling—the warmth of her presence, the way our souls used to tangle together in a bond that was stronger than words. But no matter how hard I tried, it slipped through my mind like sand through my fingers, dissipating into the empty air.

A choked sound escaped my throat, too raw to suppress.

And then, I cried.

The sobs wracked through me, silent and broken. My tears slipped down my face, each one a reminder of something I had lost. I curled inward, pressing my forehead against my knees, feeling the sharp emptiness of where my left arm had once been. My right hand gripped at the air beside me, reaching for something—anything—that was no longer there.

…

My sobs gradually fading into silence. 

The sound of my breaths was slow and uneven, my body still trembling from the aftermath of it all.

I hadn't allowed myself to truly cry in so long. Not when Aria first ran from Murhelm. Not when I chased her across the empire, desperate, wild. Not when I realized what I had done—and what I had to do—to bring her back.

Now that the tears had finally come, there was nothing left. Only emptiness. A hollow space inside my chest that nothing could fill. I felt like a husk—something stripped of meaning, of purpose.

I blinked, staring at the wall in front of me, the wood grain blurring as my vision swam. My eyes shot down to my discarded armor. The empire’s sigil barely was visible through the coagulated blood and caked on gore. 

How vile.

No matter how much I could clean the armor or my dirtied skin, I could never erase the memory of what I had done to my men. Although I was using them for a greater purpose— Aria —I did find myself growing fond of them. 

They weren’t just soldiers to me. They had become more, in a way. After enough ales, they would forget their fear of me. They’d laugh, joke, and do the smallest tasks with such willing obedience that I began to think of them as something... more than tools. Raine, always the one to check in, even started to come into my tent, treating me like we were more than a commander and her soldiers—like we were friends.

They were almost like pets. Playthings.

But if they were still here, they would’ve taken Aria’s body from me. They would’ve kept me from my purpose without even knowing it.

In that moment, I didn’t even understand why I struck them down. I wasn’t thinking about how I’d feel afterward, wasn’t thinking about the weight of it. I just knew that I needed to kill something. Anything. Because Aria had been taken from me, and in my desperation, I thought I could bring her back by silencing the ones around me who might try to take her away once she was dead.

But now, as I sit here with this weight inside me, I can’t shake the sinking feeling in my gut. 

Disgust.

The distant sounds of the fort seemed muffled, as if I were sinking underwater.

Then, the door creaked open.

I turned my head slowly, barely lifting my gaze. There she was—Aria, standing in the doorway, her dark curls slightly disheveled, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She had been crying too.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke.

I barely had the energy to react, but something twisted in my chest at the sight of her. Even after everything—after the pain, after the anger, after the severed bond that left me feeling like half a person—I still felt drawn to her.

I swallowed hard before I spoke. “Are you okay?”

Aria didn’t answer, just stepped inside. Her footsteps were soft against the wooden floor, and I watched her quietly as she made her way over to the bed. She hesitated, just for a moment, before lowering herself down beside me.

The mattress dipped under the added weight, but neither of us moved any closer. There was a space between us now—a space that hadn’t always been there.

I waited for a response, but none came. So I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper, the sharp edge of bitterness cutting through the softness.

“How did you meet these people, Aria?" I asked, keeping my tone low but sharp, unable to hide the edge of resentment that slipped through. "You’ve never been the type to try and make friends.”

Aria let out a soft chuckle, but it lacked the usual warmth, a hollow thing that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She stared at her hands in her lap, her fingers twisting together absentmindedly as though trying to occupy herself. “Kaelen found me early on in my journey,” she replied after a pause, her voice softer than I expected. “Though to be honest, he’d been watching me long before I realized he was there. Since the moment I first stepped into those woods—since I was in the village.”

A sharp flicker of jealousy spiked through me, making my brow twitch involuntarily. “He had been watching you?” I echoed, my voice sharper than I meant it to be. The words tasted bitter.

Aria looked up at me then, her lips twisting into a bitter smile, something almost sad in her eyes. “Yes. Watching. But not like you think.” She let that hang in the air for a moment before continuing, “Vigil—she’s the girl you didn’t exactly get to make a proper introduction with—she found us when we trespassed into her territory. Shot Kaelen with an arrow the moment she saw him.”

I exhaled sharply through my nose, a brief flicker of a smirk tugging at my lips. "Guess he had it coming." Fucker.

Aria’s smile faltered, turning sadder. “Maybe. But Vigil stuck around after the fact.”

She ran a hand through her curls, her mind clearly drifting back to the time they spent on the run, hiding. “Mordecai’s a bard. He drifts. Found us camping and decided to tag along. I’m not sure why he stayed… I think, if I’m honest, he just finds all of this too interesting to walk away from.”

There was a long pause.

I glanced down at my remaining hand, my thumb absently brushing the inside of my palm, as if expecting to find something that wasn’t there.

“You’ve lived a thousand lives without me,” I said quietly. “And I...” I swallowed hard, my jaw tightening as the weight of everything came crashing down. My voice dropped to a near whisper. “I had been turning into a monster while you were gone. I can see that now.”

For a moment, I didn’t move, waiting for something, anything. Then, Aria reached out, her hand gentle as it covered mine. She gave it a soft squeeze, grounding me in a way that only she could.

“You’re not a monster, Seraphine,” she said, her voice quiet but firm.

I looked up at her then, my eyes meeting hers. I saw the pain there, the disbelief that I was still alive after everything. 

“You’re not a monster, Seraphine,” she said, her voice quiet but firm.

I looked up at her then, my eyes meeting hers. I saw the pain there, the disbelief that I was still alive after everything. 

“I feel awful that Kaelen had to bind himself to that sadistic archfiend,” she continued, her hands clenched into fists. “And that you had to cut off your own arm just to bring me back. I feel awful about all of it.”

Her words sent a jolt through me. “I wish I was still dead.” The words cut deep, and I could feel the weight of her sorrow.

I exhaled sharply, a bitter taste rising in my throat. The old me—the one who had chased Aria across the empire, the one who had never questioned her own obsession—would have scoffed at such sentimentality. Would have seen it as weakness.

But now, as I sat there, watching the pain etched into Aria’s face, I felt something I wasn’t used to.

Empathy.

I knew all too well what it felt like to have the people around me suffer because of my choices. It was a heavy, relentless weight, the kind that settled deep in your chest and never left. I swallowed, feeling the phantom pain of my missing hand as if it were still there, gnawing at me, reminding me of the price I’d paid.

“…You think we’d be better off without you?” My voice came out harsher than I meant, bitter and raw.

Aria gave a small, humorless laugh. “Wouldn’t you?”

I didn’t have an answer, not one that wouldn’t sound selfish. The truth was, no, I wouldn’t have been better off. I’d have been worse. I was worse, now, without her. The realization settled heavily over me, and I looked away for a moment to steady myself. When I turned back to her, there was no hesitation in my gaze. I wouldn’t let her think otherwise.

“No,” I said, my voice firm. “I wouldn’t be better off without you.”

Aria exhaled shakily, like she wanted to argue, but I didn’t let her. I needed her to hear this, needed her to understand.

“I don’t regret it,” I said, voice unwavering. “Not my arm. Not the bond. Not any of it. You have been my purpose for as long as I can remember, and I refuse to change my ways now.”

She stared at me, wide-eyed, like she was searching for something—anything—in my expression, some sign that maybe I was lying, or that I didn’t mean it. But I didn’t waver. I couldn’t. Not this time.

“Losing you once was unbearable. Losing you twice... broke me,” I said, my voice softening, the weight of the truth heavy in the air between us. “I won’t let it happen again.”

Aria swallowed the lump in her throat, then leaned in, wrapping her arms around me tightly. I pressed my face into her neck, my arms holding her just as fiercely, like I could pull her into me, make her a part of me so that I could never lose her again.

“Thank you, Seraphine. I’ve missed you,” she whispered.

Without warning, I shifted, pulling Aria down with me onto the bed. She barely had a moment to react before she was pressed against my chest, the warmth of my body a stark contrast to the cold emptiness that had filled the room just moments before.

I held her firmly, my one arm wrapped securely around her back, not wanting to let go. My breath came slow and steady, the sleep threatened to pull me under. 

Aria tilted her head up to watch my face. I could feel her gaze on me, but I didn’t move.

The usual sharpness of my features must appear softened in the dim light, my expression slack with weariness. I knew I must have looked different—peaceful, in a way I rarely let myself be.

With a quiet exhale, Aria let her head fall against my chest. I could feel her breath against me, steady and calm, her body relaxing as it rose and fell with each breath I took. For the first time since she had returned, I felt still. My heart beat slow and even, and the weight in my chest lightened, even if just for a moment.

I kept my arm locked around her, not wanting to let go, even as the weight of exhaustion finally settled in, dragging me down.

And this time, Aria let herself fall with me.