Chapter Text
Joker stood there, stiff and rooted to the ground. He tried to speak, but no words left his mouth.
It was dark, but Bruce could've sworn that he saw the clown's face flush as the tension in his posture became more apparent.
Joker looked away from Batman, breathing ragged; and cleared his throat.
The clown attempted to appear unbothered; Bruce noted, but he did not succeed.
Joker pushed his hands into the sides of the waistband of his Arkham pants; trying to come off as casual- Bruce could just about hear Joker's thoughts right now, about how inconvenient the pocketless piece of clothing was.
"Batsy! Hey! Fancy meeting you here!" He chuckled, failing to hide his own nervousness.
"You, uh-" He cleared his throat again. "You..come here.. often...?" Bruce pitied the clown; who was no doubt internally screaming from how awkward he was being.
Bruce was becoming worried about the shorter man's behavior. He was trying too hard to appear non-chalant, but only came off as nervous.
And the Joker Bruce knew didn't do Nervous.
The Joker he knew was Carefree and Unbothered, Confident and Flamboyant, Ambitious and Passionate.
Even in situations where Batman himself visibly cringed, Joker always found a way to evade this kind of thing.
He had a certain Grandeur and Grace, always managing to be -sometimes even disturbingly- Elegant.
He was missing the Finesse in his movements and speech.
Joker had a certain Flare to him, Bright and Beautiful, Blinding and Blighting.
There was an aching inside Bruce's guts, he wanted to close the distance between them and hold Joker; squeezing the apprehension out of his very bones and tear out the quiver in his voice.
Joker only stared at him, sweating profusely with a strained smile that was starting to look more like a grimace the longer he stared.
Bruce considered his options in order to take the appropriate action and stepped slowly out of the shadows into the faint moonlight.
His movement was slow and deliberate, careful as to not provoke Joker; the last thing Bruce wanted to do now was to fight the poor criminal.
Joker swallowed, tilting his nose up to feign haughtiness. Bruce could see that Joker's eyes now flitted across his dark form, tracing every miniscule movement.
Bruce stopped when he was only a hair's breadth away from colliding their personal spaces together, not that Joker had any idea what Personal Space was, anyways. The hitch in Joker's breath did not go unnoticed.
Joker looked up at him, unblinking; the smile completely gone from his face.
The way Joker looked at Bruce now, pupils blown wide; with Love- with Devotion and Reverence- Bruce realised that he was now the Joker's Cynosure. He always has been.
He carefully reached out to Joker's face, stopping before his glove made contact with Joker's jaw; because he saw a sudden flash in Joker's eyes. A flash of Fear.
Bruce's heart clenched. Joker has never been scared him. Even if at some point he had been, he certainly didn't show it, not that he did now; but Bruce noticed it, as quick as it was to disappear.
Bruce felt guilty, and he started to second guess himself. His thoughts raced in his head as doubts started to chip away at him.
Whatever he knew to be true, it was all blurry now. The only thing he could focus on was the fact that his Joker was Scared. All reason and logic vanished as the flash of fear in his Joker's eyes consumed him completely, sending his thoughts spiraling.
' Did I go too far? Did Joker not want the Kiss? Did I overstep the boundaries so much that Joker is scared-?' His hand, still raised; began to retreat.
' But why would he be Scared of me? He likes it when I physically hurt him, he knows that I won't kill him, and he HAS to have liked the kiss, too...' Bruce desperately wanted everything to make sense, but he didn't know what to do. 'At least I assumed he did-' And then a thought struck him.
He'd assumed. He didn't know if Joker actually enjoyed this sort of thing- Bruce just assumed he did.
' Wait. He can't be scared that I'd-' Bruce halted his thoughts, mirroring the stiffness in Joker's own body.
' No. he can't be. He knows that I would Never-...Doesn't he?' Bruce felt a pang in his heart, his vision swam at the implications that his own brain had suggested.
Both were lost in their own thoughts now, fearing the worst. Bruce backed away a little, and Joker practically pounced away from where he stood.
There was an opening now, a way out for the clown prince; but the thing is- he didn't really want to take it?
He didn't want to live with constant doubt. The earlier silence gave him some of the time he needed to prepare himself.
He hoped he was ready to tackle this head on now, like he planned to- although this was a lot sooner than what he'd hoped for. And it Scared him.
Not a lot of things did. But this? Ohh, he's scared shitless- of the answer he will most likely find.
But then he noticed something.
If Joker was stiff before, then Batman was rigid. Joker let himself slip into his mindspace a bit, although lately he had been having a lot of trouble doing so. But with Batman here, it felt just a little easier to be himself, his usual self.
He took his hands out of his pants and folded them across his chest, gripping tightly at his own fore-arms. He straightened himself before leaning his back on the wall behind him.
He could use the Bat's own little stupor to his advantage and escape; he had the fire-escape and the small opening. But he wanted to hear what the Bat- his bat?- had to say. He could feel hope crawling up his innards, and prayed to whatever was out there that it wouldn't be crushed.
He is Not a Pathetic little Pessimist who'd assume the worst and live out the rest of his days gloomily wallowing in misery. He was The Joker.
All this time, all he'd wanted was the bat's attention. His affection. He had believed all this time that the Bat was rightfully his. That he was the Bat's. To Hate AND To Love. To Hurt And to-...Kiss.
He could feel himself becoming giddy. He had let that fact sit for a long time now; He knew that it happened, but he never really- Realised it.
The Bat had KISSED him, and he just- MOPED around!? In Arkham!? What was he Thinking?!
He got So Mad at himself that he almost reached up to claw his hair out, but he stopped himself.
He then tightened his grip on himself; both literally And- metaphorically(?); his nails digging into the pale skin of his arms, surely leaving marks.
Joker noticed that Batman seemed to be in a trance of his own; his face pale, like he was gonna throw up any time now.
Joker's stomach did a backflip. 'Wait- can stomachs do backflips? How does that work? Wait No- Focus.' His annoying Thinking-Box (-hemisphere?-) went back to interesting thoughts again instead of depressing ones that talked(?) shit about his Batsy.
' Speaking of Batsy, he's been very quiet tonight. Hmmmm, What could be going on in that pointy bat-head of his? Will he tell me if I asked? Should I ask? Will he uppercut me like he usually does? Or will he Kiss me again?' Joker subconsiously tilted his head to the side as he thought, a ghost of a smile now on his lips.
'Welp, Only one way to find out!' A spark that was gone from his eyes for far too long returned with full intensity. "Soooooooo," He drew out, causing the Bat snap out of it. "Long time no see, eh?"
Joker's eyes Sparkled, their corners crinkling as he smiled fondly at His Bat. "Did you miss me, Darling?" His voice was soft and raw, unmistakable affection in his words.
The syllables of Joker's preferred term of endearment for his Batsy felt sweet in his mouth, like Candy Apples- ' It's been so long since I've eaten Candy Apples! I wonder if Batsy will get me some if I asked. Probably not. Where'd we find Candy Apples in the dead of the night, anyways? Not even Gotham has Candy Apples for sale in the dead of night. Hm. Unless?- Wait. Shit. Wrong topic-'
He noticed that his Batsy no longer looked like he was going to puke his guts out. 'Great! I'm not prepared to deal with bat-puke just yet, but I bet He'd still look pretty heaving out his dinner- or breakfast? Hmm Maybe lunch. Brunch? Brunch.'
Batman's eyes were now focused and looking at Joker intently, and the latter felt a shiver run down his spine.
"Did you?" Batman asked Joker, his voice lacking a bit of the usual authority. All of Joker's thoughts ceased.
"Yes. Yes, I did." Joker answered sincerely, stating it as a fact rather than an answer; leaving no room for doubt. "I Always Do." He added quietly, his eyes softening.