Chapter Text
“So Lucius,” started Father Aldric with a little too much seriousness for the little boy’s liking. “I think we’re going to have to speak about magic.”
Lucius looked at the priest, his small fingers tightening in his lap. Was Father Aldric mad? Lucius really hoped he was not mad. He didn’t want Father Aldric to be mad at him. But the look the adult was giving him made Lucius feel sad, and sure he wasn’t going to like this conversation. Was the priest going to say he couldn’t come anymore? That he didn’t want him around after this?
“I… I just,” started the little boy, trying to find a way to excuse himself for using magic.
“Lucius, it’s okay,” said Father Aldric, a hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “You don’t choose when you get magic. You don’t need to apologize for it. But we still need to talk about it, okay?”
Lucius stayed quiet. Father Aldric had to be mad, right? He did something kids were not allowed to. Why was Father Aldric pretending he wasn’t?
“Do you not trust me?” asked Father Aldric, which sounded… Sad. Why did the priest sound sad and not mad? Lucius didn’t know what to say. Somehow, making Father Aldric sad felt worse than if he’d just gotten mad. “I promise you it will be okay, it’s just a really important and serious conversation to have.”
If the conversation made Father Aldric sad, Lucius wasn’t sure he wanted to have it. But if an adult said they should speak about something… Then he should just agree, shouldn’t he? That’s what the Sisters would have said. Or maybe his parents, even if he never really got any serious conversations he could remember with them. Actually, nearly all he could remember for them was that they loved him a lot and that he loved them. Lucius didn’t really have a lot of clear memories of his parents.
“If it makes you feel better, I will not speak about it with you until… Well, unless you do magic again?”
“I… I like talking with you,” said Lucius, his voice unsure. He didn’t want to talk about magic, not really. But he also didn’t want to say no. What if that made Father Aldric not want to see him anymore?
“Does it mean you want to speak about it now and not later?” asked the priest with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes?” answered the little boy, uncertain as he didn’t really want to speak about it. Not when Father Aldric was sad about it instead of being mad.
Then Father Aldric pulled him close, like he’d suddenly decided a hug was more important than talking. But hadn’t he said they were going to talk? Lucius didn’t mind, he liked being in the priest’s arms. It felt warm. Safe. But… Why now?
The priest started to walk to a colder part of the garden, the kid still in his arms, before putting Lucius down, facing a plant. The first thing Lucius noticed about the plant was that, unlike the others, it had no flowers. It almost looked like dry grass. Lucius blinked up at the plant, unsure what he was supposed to see. It didn’t even look alive. Why was Father Aldric showing him a plant?
“So, first of all,” said Father Aldric, crouching beside him again. He tried to sound gentle, but the seriousness still slipped through. “We need to figure out what kind of magic you have. Can you tell me exactly what it felt like? And what you were thinking, what you wanted to happen?”
“There was a monster under the bed,” started Lucius after a moment of silence. “And I really wanted it to go away. And…” started to say the little kid before shutting up.
“And?” tried to encourage Father Aldric.
“You’re going to get mad at me,” said Lucius weakly. The priest could not not get mad if he told him, did he?
“Lucius. I would never be mad at you. I promise” said Father Aldric with a really soft tone.
And so Lucius began to speak, saying how it wasn’t really the first time he called magic, watching Father Aldric for any signs the priest would get mad at him. Because he couldn’t not get mad at some point, right?
Even if the priest still seemed calm, even if a little bit sad, he said the magic felt happy to exist. Warm. How it helped him fall asleep when all he did was missing his parents at night. And then Lucius spoke about how they were a monster under his bed, in that new room the Sisters just gave him. And how… How he just tried to cast a spell to chase the monster away and the magic never felt happier. That it just… Felt good, and after his parents being dead wasn’t hurting, and he could just sleep easier.
“Magic felt happy?” asked Father Aldric while taking a deep breath. Was Father Aldric starting to get mad?
“And it tickled when I cast a spell,” added the little boy. “And the monster under the bed went away!”
“Magic can’t… Lucius, I don’t think there was really a monster under the bed. Healing magic can feel that way, but it doesn’t chase things away”
“But the monster did go away!”
“Lucius, it’s just sometimes, …” started Father Aldric, seemingly thinking about what to say. Why did a grown-up have to think about what to say? “Sometimes you are really scared, or don’t feel that good and you don’t know why. So your head makes up a reason for it. It’s not a bad thing.”
“But…”
“Lucius, I believe you, my boy. It’s just… It’s healing magic.”
Lucius watched Father Aldric, uncertain. The Sisters would probably have already told him he shouldn’t have used magic. Or scream at him for trying to object. Father Aldric didn’t. But Lucius wasn’t sure what to think about that discussion. Nor did he know where it was going.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence that made Lucius scared he had said something that would have made Father Aldric angry at him on top of making him sad. The priest and the little boy were watching each other, avoiding looking at each other's faces.
“Lucius, I know it makes you feel really good to call magic. But can you promise me you will not do it until you’re old enough to be educated at it?” asked the priest, nearly hesitant.
“Why?”
“So, you see the plants here? The one that nearly dried out and without flowers?”
Lucius did see the plant so he nodded. Why was Father Aldric speaking about a plant instead of magic?
“Well, when people are in pain, that they physically hurt so much they can’t sleep or think anymore, we give them something based on that plant,” started the priest, hesitant, like it was not something he wanted to speak about with a kid. “But when you take too much of it, or for too long… At some point your body can’t work without it anymore, and it is really hard to learn to live without it.”
Why did Father Aldric tell him that? It’s not like he wanted to eat that plant. And anyway, didn’t the priest want to speak about magic with him?
“And sometimes, sometimes magic, especially healing magic, does the same thing. “It can feel so good, you start needing it to feel okay at all. And that’s not safe, not for your soul,” added Father Aldric before looking into Lucius’s eyes, way too serious. “That’s why I want you to not use magic, okay? So your soul can work without it?”
Lucius didn’t really understand what Father Aldric was trying to explain to him, but maybe the adult was just worried. Which was weird, even the Sisters that had to care for him weren’t that much worried usually.
“I’ll try,” answered Lucius without really promising anything.