Work Text:
It's hard to look at Saihara-Chan, and not think about his shyness, and how he blushes like a girl at the minimum closeness. And that's why I started to take of little by little of my clothes as we sleep together, just to see his reaction. Just to mess with him, just to mess with his brain, just for fun, it's not like has something wrong with it when we are roommates.
– Hello, Mr.Detective! – I say, as I see him wake close to me, in the bed we share since I begged to.
– Uh...Ouma-Kun. – he says, this time not...interested, how boring.
He hugs me from behind, and I notice he's still asleep, and not awake like I though, just like a sleepwalker, which is cute, if I wasn't all naked on his bed, but at least I tried something fun!...I guess. Maybe that's just not my day, nyshishi. Today.
– Heyaaaa!! – I hear a enthusiastic voice from outside the room, I sigh as I try to recognize the person, so I can mess with the person too, making them think Saihara-Chan's actually a pervert deep down. And to my lucky, my Shumai is hugging me really strong, like he's hugging a kids plushie, maybe a bear, a rabbit or any kind of from a toy machine, or an expensive store.
– Saishu-Kun, you promised to play cards with me, you ain't going to make me sad, aren't ya? – the voice from the other side says in mischief, and as I try to recognize more the voice, I get a bit more confused, because sounds exactly like my Saihara-Chan. – Please, don't make wait more than yesterday, I actually cried when you had to left with your "friends", as you call that kind of people who usually calls you weak. I see, you might think I not, but I do, I am very observant as you are.
For a moment, I actually get worried, am I hearing voices and actually getting crazy? Tue voice sounds exactly like Saihara-Chan's voice, but the personality is a bit...off, but I can't miss the opportunity to mess with Saihara-Chan, so that might be a chance, even if the situation gets weird with this person that's sounding exactly like him.
– Shut up, Kage...I am very tired, can't you play the detective for me today? We are the same age, and you're still so childish, you need to grow mentally a bit. – he says out loud, and I notice that I haven't spoke since I had awake, I might've had lose my lucky this time.
– You know I am not the most extroverted person, and I like you more, why can't we play together this time? – The annoyed tone of..Kage, came off in a sigh. – You're my Idol.
– As am I, so you should at least do it for me, play the innocent, and keep my role as the "coolest detective", as you call me. - Saihara-Chan keeps talking, as I don't really know if he's really awake, or not, as he keeps hugging me from behind while our down parts press together, I am really starting to get confused, but I needs to keep paying attention to the argument, this might help in the future if I play dumb.
– That's really means from you, your clothes are a bit uncomfy, and I need to get a bit of sleep, can I at least enter, and sleep by your side? – Kage asks, this time in a more calm and bored tone, like he doesn't like care about what Saihara-Chan asks him to do.
– It's not my fault if that's what you asked to do while I rest, at least you can feel the "perfume" I use, as you say, and...you can enter, I have a roommate already, y'know. - guess I have no words for what I just heard, I'll just play dumb until find a good moment to say something.
– I don't really "smell" the perfume, I mean, we're the same, I was just excited to meet ya that time, and you can't use your roommate as an excuse when no one will believe in him, even if he tries to says the truth. Not to be mean, of course, but is true. - the other says, as I have to unfortunately agree with him, I have no real clue about what's really happening, and I don't have enough proof, but the smell part was really weird, not gonna lie.
– Fine...enter, you have the key.
– Thank you, Mr. Shuichi! – Kage says in amusement, as he opens the door, and enters with his back from us, using the time to lock the door again and finally turn around to us, to be face to face to us.
– Hey, don't call me like that, I actually get horny.
– Gross. Already starting to rethink my choice.
– I'm still your Idol.
– Not when you're being gross.
– Sorry.
– Just when you really be sorry, I don't like liars.
– That's not what you said yesterday.
– I was drunk, and had read the fucking book you gave me.
At this point, even with my eyes half closed, I don't know if I am having a bad trip, or just going crazy. But well, I guess hear them just by the morning is the craziest thing that already happened to me, and I don't even know if the fact that I am naked will even affect something.
– Hmm, fine. Just take off all the clothes and lay down.
– All? Nah, I'll not take off all the clothes, I can't sleep without underwear.
– I mean, it's just if it's my underwear. Not that you need to really get naked, it would be really out of the blue.
– I also like to use shorts, and a shirt while I sleep.
– Are you a kid or something?
– No. But, why would you care? When you take a shower you already see yourself naked, there's no why or buts for the "take off all the clothes", it's weird.
– Ahh...I just have no excuses for it, do I?
– No.
– Not even as your Idol, Kagehara?
– Of course not, I'm not an exhibitionist.
– What a pity.
For a moment, they get in silent for maybe a minute.
– I am awake.
– We know, that was just a test. - Saihara-Chan says, as he soften his arms, and get out his arms from me, getting more space on the bed, maybe for Kagehara I guess.
– Never wanna do this test again, weirdo.
– But you still like that weirdo, like a highschool girl who just fall in love.
– Yeah, you can say it whatever. – Kagehara rolls his eyes, and take off the upper clothes as with the pants, laying between us after it.
– Can I hug you like I hugged Ouma-Kun before?
– If there's no "what's this hard on my ass", like a cliche, ok.
– Meanie.
– I'm still here. – I say, expecting them to at least react to how awkward the situation is for me now.
– You're naked, it's not like y'aren't being weird too. – Kagehara says, almost like a complain about the weird things, and I can't blame him.
– You noticed too?
– It's very noticeable when you like Ouma-Kun so much, that begs me to do the boring part, as talk to your friends for you, while you're with him.
– Ah, I see...
– No shit, Sherlock.
– Well, I still don't know who Kagehara is.
– He's me, from another universe, but the universe is very close to this, so he's a very big fan of mine now, but I like to mess with his head.
– So we can do a threesome? - I ask, hopefully expecting a yes.
– I guess, maybe when I get a dick to say "mine's bigger than yours".
– Wait, you don't have a dick? – Saihara-Chan asks Kagehara maybe really shocked.
– Why do you think I'd like to not get naked around you.
– I thought it was just about getting bullied for having a small dick while I have a big dick.
– You're not wrong if you think for this side, since the clit is like a small penis...like, a mini winny dick.
– Mine's twenty centimeters bigger so, what a relieve, Kage. From Shuichi to Shuichi, I am the bigger.
– None asked, at least I know how to play cards better than you.
– But do you get any bitches?
– Saihara Shuichi, if you don't keep your mouth closed I will...
– Will what? Cry? Serving the cunt, try to get a strap to steal my boyfriend?
– The steal your boyfriend part could actually work.
– ...wait, do not do it, I very much love him.
– So stop being a pussy, you're being annoying.
– You're the one being pussy.
– I'll make sure you get arrested for every joke about pussy you make, that's just make you a dick.
– At least I have a dick.
– I'll kill myself in front of you, and your boyfriend if you don't stop, and YOU will be the culprit because I am the closest to you.
– Oh, no...let's just remedy my words, I don't wanna be executed.
– Saihara-Chan, why did you call your boyfriend? We aren't even boyfriends.
– He thinks with his "down's head".
– I mean, you are right Kage, you're right, I guess my Saihara-Chan is really a pervert.
– Hell yeah.
– That's not true, I'm not a pervert.
– Proofs?
– Kagehara, you helped me on an investigation and know really well that I have no boner during investigations.
– Actually, Shuichi, you have a lot, I just act like don't notice, so you don't get blushing like a highschool girl who just fall in love.
– The way you call me by my first name really turn me on.
– You have problems, it's your own voice.
– But your personality is very, ah...something.
– So, would you actually engage in a relationship with me?
– No, because we are the same person.
– But the turning on thing doesn't affect? Like, you get a boner and like, "haha, I just reminded we are the same person and now I'm off".
– I actually get turned on, but I can't see this actually working, like, what did you did for me?
– How shall we start? Well, first I started to investigate on your place, talk to your friends and try to be friendly and act just like you just to find the mastermind.
– I was talking about romantic things.
– Oh, I see now, well, I haven't did anything romantic, because I have no attraction for anyone at all.
– I thought you loved me enough to fall in love and do anything like a mindless machine.
– This is a bit misogynistic...
– You're right, I guess I am really a stupid man who thinks with the down head, I am sorry.
– You're just cisgender.
– Actually I guess I'm non-binary but I'm not do sure...
– Bisexual with identity issues, I see.
– Thank God Saihara-Chan's just into me.
– Perhaps I am.
– But you're really a turning down man sometimes.
– Sorry, Ouma.
– It's his curse for having a big dick, and not enough brain.
– I'm a detective, I have a big brain.
– So use it.