Chapter Text
Kim Soleum only worked at Baekilmong for the Wish Potion. That was his reasoning for all of his actions. The need to return home never left him.
If he had been dropped in this world, he would have liked to continue living without infiltrating the ghost stories that occurred around him. He was not the type who willingly went into Darkness or Disasters.
He was working with a purpose in mind. He didn’t do this because he liked it. The points he accumulated would be used wisely, and the assignments he took on would bring him closer to his goal.
He liked to think that if he didn’t know about the Dark Exploration Records, and was therefore unaware that obtaining a Wish Potion was possible due to his knowledge, he would be living in an apartment with a balcony garden. Maybe he was growing herbs or was incredibly enthusiastic about hydrangeas.
Unluckily for him, though, he knew many of the ghost stories he encountered, and thought that he could make it out alive. The Wish Potion was the only thing that gave him any hope of returning home, so he worked hard to accumulate points. He strived to do better and complete what was needed.
Following Ho Yuwon’s instructions to go undercover in the Bureau was just a means to an end. It was an assignment that was given to him, his prize dangling above his head, so close that he could taste it.
He somewhat resented being happy while at the Bureau. Why couldn’t he separate his feelings from what needed to be done?
His teammates were kind. Agent Bronze believed in him like no one else did, while Agent Choi was well-balanced in both his strengths and his knowledge. It made Kim Soleum imagine that he could have lived a different life if he had been dropped into the bureau’s hands instead of Baekilmong’s when he originally entered this world.
That wouldn’t have worked no matter what. He would have ended up at Baekilmong in the end. At least, that’s what he assumed. The temptation of the Wish Potion was too much. An easy go-to that would fix his situation.
He would have still known about the Wish Potion. He would chase after it, seeking security. He needed it. He wanted it. It was not a simple thing for him.
He did not have to return home. He could get a job, he supposed, and live a normal life. But he did not.
He worked for Baekilmong, and he did it willingly. He entered ghost stories and helped civilians who got stuck in them. He made connections to ghost entities and humans alike.
It was hard to deny the existence of those he knew. They were not just a concept in his head—they were living, breathing, and reacting to him, since in this world, they were all real.
Kim Soleum could not look away and lock his emotions behind a barrier.
This world was real. Sometimes, it felt more real than his past. He could not escape what he saw. This was how it was. He was here, now, and that was it. He made friends and allies. He somehow had foes as well, but it felt one-sided. He couldn't remove the restriction on him from Director Ho, and honestly, did he want to?
The contract stipulated that Kim Soleum had to attempt to complete his mission. He already knew how, a little bit. He could do it. He could be done with it if he so pleased. Yet, he hadn’t.
Why did he like troubling situations? He could complete what Director Ho wanted, or at least pretend to, just as much as he could escape this ghost story.
He breathed out, his chest tight, restricting, and limiting.
You’re real, you’re real, you’re real. It looped in his mind as Kim Soleum blinked behind his glasses lens at those who surrounded him.
All of these faces belonged to people whom Kim Soleum knew. He didn’t only know Agent Choi from the Records. He knew Agent Choi from having worked alongside him. He was avidly aware that Agent Choi was charming, and at times, purposely did things to make Kim Soleum blush. It was silly and endearing.
Kim Soleum had to admit that he liked being in the presence of everyone here. Even Braun, though he was so aggravating, made him feel reassured. And Baek Saheon, that conniving bastard, would one day be the Section Chief that Kim Soleum had read about. It was dreadful yet Kim Soleum didn’t abhor it.
He tried to blink back his emotions, an unsuccessful attempt to pretend for a moment that he was fine.
His gaze turned to Go Yeongeun. Through all this, she showed concern and worry for him. He wanted to apologize and make up for his mistakes, somehow. The words never left his throat, and he didn’t know why.
You’re amazing, he wanted to tell her. Why do you care about someone like me?
Go Yeongeun was always there, providing him mental stability through many ghost stories they entered together. She cared about his health even if she was also going through something horrific. What words could express how much he was devoted to her properly? She was his friend.
There would never be the right situation for it. He couldn’t express everything he wanted to say without revealing the secrets he kept guarded in his chest.
He would not utter, I am not what you think I am. He was too afraid. He would rather collapse on the spot than for these people who saw him as companionable to learn the truth.
He was afraid all of the time. Could he admit that without major backlash? It felt like he couldn’t. People were already reacting so strangely. What if he accidentally spilled more than he already had? Look at Agent Bronze—he was freaked out from just a small blip in what Baekilmong did at the company.
I watch cartoons every night on repeat so that I can fall asleep. It was a coping mechanism that he picked up after working at Baekilmong. Would Agent Bronze be horrified if Kim Soleum admitted that?
He knew the truth already. At least part of it. He could not let himself become that, become known—he would not let the future be known by revealing things here. He felt like a trapped wild animal as Agent Bronze’s eyes trembled.
They were stuck in a ghost story. Why weren’t these professionals focused on escaping!? It wouldn’t be that hard if they worked together. It was a simple ghost story in the end.
This Darkness was nothing in comparison to Jin Nasol’s abilities. Yet, she did not make a move to get them out of here. Surely, Lee Jaheon knew what to do—brute force could help any situation like this! Even if it was a meager distraction to help Kim Soleum save some face…
Everyone just stared at him. Kim Soleum wanted to shrink. He wanted to turn invisible.
He wondered if he could turn into a ghost. He couldn’t help but think that he would have enjoyed this world a lot more if he were an entity like Braun. At least then he wouldn’t be so terrified. He could see things from afar, passing through objects and people, only to be known as an oddly chill breeze.
Kim Soleum swallowed roughly. He detested that even Agent Choi was looking at him—he already knew more than anyone else. Kim Soleum was trying to ignore his fellow bureau agents. He didn’t want them to speak to him. No questions, please.
Was he soft? Kim Soleum thought he had become soft. He became a pushover, actually. When Agent Bronze’s bright eyes looked at him with such need. When Agent Choi smiled at him, Kim Soleum wanted to apologize for already knowing part of his story.
He had weaknesses. Kim Soleum knew that wasn’t all bad, but really, he hated it. Why couldn’t he separate reality from fiction? He was too present, here. He couldn’t escape even if he tried.
He wasn’t supposed to make connections. He was not here of his own free will. He was only here to obtain a Wish Potion, and even that was a byproduct. He didn’t want to be in a world with ghostly beings at all!
He wanted to return home. He wanted that so desperately, no matter what Braun said. So what if Kim Soleum didn’t go on nostalgic trips about his home constantly? It’s not like Braun did either, and Braun was obsessed with his talk show. He adored the attention, basking in it like a lizard in the sun.
Kim Soleum flinched from his own thoughts, purposely not turning to look at Lee Jaheon.
He needed to leave this ghost story. He couldn’t handle the pressure thrust upon him. He didn’t mind talking to Baek Saheon, since that guy was always trying to psych him out—it’s what sociopaths did. But talking to anyone else made his mouth go dry.
He knew he could not handle talking to Agent Bronze. What could he say in response without giving away everything? He couldn’t be like Agent Choi and say, Don’t worry about it, Jaekwan-ah! He didn’t get a free pass here!
Kim Soleum took a step back without realizing it.
He had said too much already. He knew that. He needed to get out of this Darkness so that he would fucking shut up. So many secrets were still left, but all of them were threatening to pour out. It would almost feel nice to be exposed.
It terrified him just as much as it excited him. He was just coasting by, surviving in this unknown world the best he could. He did not mean to get attached. He did not mean to become known. He was only trying to survive.
He needed a Wish Potion, that’s all! He wouldn’t be putting himself through these gruesome experiences unless he had a good reason. He wanted to go home.
“Even though you need the Wish Potion, how can you stand to work at Baekilmong for all that they’ve done?” Agent Bronze seemed lost, almost broken.
Kim Soleum couldn’t bring himself to explain his reasoning. He was selfish; what else could he say?
“You just said so yourself. You don’t want to work there.” Agent Bronze stepped closer, his movements desperate. “Why do so? Your wish can’t be that valuable, can it?”
Kim Soleum did not immediately refute the words.
It was understandable why a man like Ryu Jaekwan would be confused by this. He saw things with a black and white tint. He wanted to believe that there was good, just like that there was evil. He did not like messing with things that were gray.
Kim Soleum knew that he was currently considered good. Even though he had been exposed as a Baekilmong field agent, and even a spy in some capacity, there was still care in Agent Bronze’s gaze. He still wanted Kim Soleum to do the right thing—and believed that he would.
A dream would be shattered today. Kim Soleum hoped it wasn’t his.
“I know that you think of Baekilmong as a cult,” Kim Soleum said, words slow and honest. “I get it. Baekilmong is a hellhole.”
Kim Soleum felt a sense of relief as he said the words. Agent Bronze nodded to them as well, as if trying to get Kim Soleum to admit to himself that he shouldn’t return. Kim Soleum was already aware of that fact, though.
Baekilmong was toxic, oozing in unease and health code violations despite the hazard pay.
“It’s not a career that people want to have.” Kim Soleum huffed, only briefly glancing over to his roommate. “Not even someone like Goat wanted this lifestyle even if he excels at it.”
Baek Saheon’s brow became knitted, his mouth slightly agape in confusion or the need to correct what was said. He frowned at Kim Soleum, as if this wasn’t the truth. Kim Soleum knew all about Viper. He knew who Baek Saheon would become, was becoming.
Kim Soleum hoped he was gone from this world by the time Viper became someone feared. At least now, he was still a rookie. Kim Soleum was relying on that, and the intimidation he set up, to help him make it through. It was beginning to look like it wouldn’t last long, though.
He wouldn’t last long. He was in this precarious position, stuck not between two hard places, but a squishy one and a small gathering of people he wished he didn’t care about.
He could escape right now. He knew how to end this Darkness. The person with the ability to speak the truth, and only the truth, was how a fast escape was possible. Kim Soleum held the power within him. He just needed to say a few words, and all of this would be over.
He felt like he had walked into a trap. He was a rat, stuck to a glue trap, incapable of moving without something worse happening. The only difference was that he walked onto the trap willingly. He did it with ease, nonsensical ideas frothing through his mind.
He wanted to be interrogated. It sounded insane when he admitted it to his head. He craved to tell the truth. Even though he couldn’t talk about the contract with Director Ho under pain of death, he wanted to spill some of the secrets he held. Most of it wasn’t even a secret—it was just knowledge.
He wanted to tell Agent Choi so many things, explain his past, and maybe show a glimpse of his future. Kim Soleum looked at Agent Choi, his heartbeat rapidly beating in his chest, and had the urge to say that he was thankful that Agent Choi was still alive.
He read about Agent Choi; he knew more about that man than he should. He knew what upset Agent Choi, and how to make him stop being so ruthless. Kim Soleum knew how Agent Choi reacted and recognized some of his tells. They were once just words on a page and something he listened to on Youtube.
Everything was more real now. He was aware of so much while he was in the presence of a named character. Agent Choi was in front of him, nothing yet everything like the person he knew from the Records. He wanted to thank Agent Choi just as much as he wanted to slap him.
Why did the man he read about have to be the same man who understood him in a way no one else did? Kim Soleum was upset about it. He would rather Agent Bronze know him. He felt like he could spill his entire story to Agent Bronze—maybe he would understand, maybe he wouldn’t—but Kim Soleum felt more cushioned in his relationship with Agent Bronze than he did Agent Choi.
Baekilmong twisted the relationships he had with both men. Kim Soleum knew that. It was apparent. It wasn’t something hidden between lines. It was obvious because Kim Soleum was a spy who worked for a morally and ethically wrong company.
“But Baekilmong can help me,” Kim Soleum said, the words softer than the tone he used before.
It was an admittance just as much as it was a fail-safe. It was his loophole. He was never in the wrong, right, since he was doing what he had to do? This wasn’t a choice, not really. This was a must, that’s all. He didn’t choose this!
It was such a pitiful state of mind. He knew the truth about himself. He was pathetic. He stood there, his knees unwavering but his fingers trembling, as he controlled all of his thoughts. He yearned to spill what was needed.
He was purposely keeping quiet, but only when it came to exiting the Darkness. He was readily telling others about himself.
He felt like a child. His emotions were too much. They were too heavy in his chest. He wanted to wail and scream. He wanted this to be done with. He was tired. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to go home, but even that didn’t feel like enough. He wanted to be protected, but from what, he had no idea.
So instead of leaving, he stood there, and relied too heavily on the Wish Potion.
It was his crutch, the best excuse he could ask for. What else was needed? The only reason for working at Baekilmong was self-explanatory. He needed the Wish Potion. The reason why he would betray those from the bureau was for the Wish Potion. He was doing it to go home.
It wasn’t a bad thing. He promised it wasn’t. He was doing what needed to be done. Who wouldn’t, in his position? Go Yeongeun had agreed that she would return home if she had become lost, but knew the way back. He was doing what any other person would do.
He was average. He was desperate. He was lonely. It sounded like a normal thing, didn’t it? This was just how life was at times. There was nothing strange to see here.
So he stood there, promising himself he would return home, even if his destination wasn’t what others expected. He was doing what he needed for his own peace of mind. The Wish Potion would solve his troubles.
– Do you really think so, friend?
Kim Soleum bit his lip as Braun’s voice rang out in his head. He blinked between the two bureau agents, who looked at him with mixed emotions. Agent Bronze’s eyes were shiny, hopeful that things would change. Agent Choi’s expression was guarded, almost discontent with what was happening.
– Do you not rely too much on one thing? A potion is a potion.
‘You do realize that the potions are real, don’t you?’ Kim Soleum was so gung-ho about the Wish Potion for a reason. It worked. What else did you want? A miracle was in a bottle, though this miracle had guidelines and warped truths that were regulated.
Braun continued, his voice flamboyant and cheerful, almost purposely bright, as if trying to tell Kim Soleum that he was seeing things in the wrong perspective.
– A home is a home.
What was Braun trying to imply, huh? What a strange rabbit.
Kim Soleum frowned, his eyes narrowing at the plush in his pocket. He quickly turned away, trying not to make it apparent that Braun was speaking to him. He had failed, though. Baek Saheon’s stink eye was obvious and grating, causing Kim Soleum’s shoulders to tighten from the attention.
Agent Bronze said, almost timid despite his strong voice, “Is this what you wanted?”
Kim Soleum was shocked by the question. He recoiled even though it was such a general and noninvasive thing to ask. He felt like he had been slapped in the face.
This was not what he wanted. He did not want these people he cared for to look at him like this.
He did not want to be under Baekilmong’s thumb. He didn’t want to be leashed by expectations or bonds he formed with strangers. He never planned on these emotions. It would have been much simpler for everyone if none of this had happened.
He felt like he was the beholder of shallow emotions. He didn’t know these people well. He knew named characters from the Records the best, and even then, weren’t the feelings toward them fleeting? This connection that he made was thin, easily snapped like stray threads from clothes.
This was not what he expected when he woke up at Baekilmong Orientation. It would be better to live as he was before—oblivious to another world that was filled with ghost stories and people he had only known through a screen. They were so real, so solid compared to him, so did that make him an apparition? He was the invader, here, not the other way around.
Why did he think he could survive in a place he did not belong? He denied his thoughts that declared that he did not belong anywhere. He had to belong somewhere. Was that what Braun was hinting at?
This substantial world, the ground beneath his feet that felt more real and secure than any of his memories, was where he belonged. It was cruel to think that.
He had a home. He had friends, a family, a life. He had to return there. It was his home, but—
Was that what he wanted?
Agent Bronze’s presence was too strong. Kim Soleum’s throat constricted, his shoulders tightened, and he had the urge to pick up his feet so he could slowly edge backwards. He was afraid, not of those around him, but of his own thoughts.
This was home. He was already home. That’s what Braun was hinting at. Agent Bronze was even adding onto it, though he may not have meant to.
His vision blurred. He looked away from Agent Bronze, his gaze jumping across different faces. He did not want to be here. He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t let them tempt him into never leaving. His home was waiting for him, yet this felt like a home as well.
He stepped back, his knee wobbly as his heel hit the smooth pavement. He needed to get away. Dammit, if only he could find the will to escape this Darkness, everything would be fine. He wouldn’t be stuck and wondering how to leave.
He skipped over Go Yeongeun, knowing she was concerned, and instead looked at Baek Saheon, whose lips were downturned and his eye slitted in annoyance. Really, you’d think that since he knew those two the longest, he would know them the best out of everyone here.
He turned to look at Kang Yihak, who seemed to be confused but did not let that stop her from watching the scene with curious eyes. Jin Nasol was cold, lips twisted into an unpleasant line, though she was looking at the bureau agents and not him. At least there was that.
He briefly focused on Lee Jaheon, but forced himself to look away from the best boss he had ever known. He didn’t want to see those reptilian features replicate disappointment. Hadn’t he let down enough people?
If Eun Haje and Park Minseong were here too, Kim Soleum knew he would have broken down and told them everything they ever wanted to hear. He would have to—he couldn’t help himself when it came to the people who made him feel safe despite all of the gruesome chaos they endured.
He was weak. He was scared. He was cowardly. He stepped back again, ignoring how Agent Choi’s eyes seemed full of understanding despite his previous emotions. Kim Soleum was failing them both.
He stepped back again, shifting to the face of the man who made him spiral. “I didn’t want this,” he croaked.
He never meant to like them, and he definitely never expected them to care about him in turn. Why, he wanted to ask. Why think good of me?
Agent Bronze stared, his lips parted in surprise, as if his question was not the reason why Kim Soleum was spiraling. He seemed to lurch forward, but he didn’t really. He just looked so in the moment. Kim Soleum was forced to give him attention. He couldn’t look anywhere else. His eyes were only drawn to the agent.
He couldn’t find it in himself to say goodbye. He should leave. Disappearing now, while he had power, was the best option. He could flee easily, saying good riddance to both Baekilmong and the bureau. He could return to Director Ho and fulfill the mission in a different way. He knew he could do it.
But he could not say goodbye. He didn’t wish to. Even Braun was oddly silent as Kim Soleum looked at the others, his shoulders trembling with the realization that he did not want to leave them behind.
He cursed in his head, taking another step back. His glasses began to slip off his nose in his rushed movements. He pushed the lenses up, only to freeze when he looked out of the corner of his eye.
“What are you—”
Agent Choi did not draw his jakdu. He did not do anything of the sort. He just walked forward, not even rushing his movements. His steps were loud, and his expression was one of contrition. Kim Soleum flailed while Agent Choi grabbed his governmental jacket, and tugged on it until he was forced to look the man in the eyes.
The gaze was sharp, but bright. It was crisp. Kim Soleum wanted to break free from the grip. If he spun out of his jacket, he would be let go. It would have been simple to evade. Yet he stayed there, letting himself become trapped.
Agent Choi’s voice was chipper yet low, like he already knew the answer to his question. “Hubae, are you really planning to leave us?”