Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After a long day's work, I threw myself into my office chair!

.Today I had the honor of welcoming our newcomer Pomni, and had spent the majority of the day in the cafe with bubble planning tomorrow's adventure for my super duper humans.

I idly fiddled with the tips of my gloves, my long bee striped tail coat ends hung loosely by the floor. I let my heterochromia eyes wander around the familiar clustered layout of my office, unusually different to the rest of the circus's aesthetic, the boxy desktop setup I never actually have to use, the shelves of unused or unfinished models for adventure , the earie painting of abstractions on the dull brown walls. The eyes reminded me to check in on the crew via the ‘all seeing eyes’.

I closed my eyes… just to open up another set of eyes, the inbuilt cameras of the system in fact , a splendid feature of being the admin AI being the way I can access the system from my mind. I located the crew sitting in the lounge area, socialising, something the humans insist on doing.
The crew sat on mismatched, multicoloured bits and bobs as makeshift chairs, chatting. Most likely about strange human sculptures. I listened into their conversation, it was most likely about mundane human business, or air pollution as I often hear humans discuss, but it was to make sure it was family friendly. Yes. Definitely nothing else, definitely not because I wanted to eavesdrop. No, not at all.

“His adventures suck” I heard Zooble complain, as they sat laying on a sofa looking miserable as their mismatched limbs sprawled over the sofa, taking up the whole space.

“Are all of them this chaotic?” I heard Pomni ask, her jester attire awkwardly perched on what seemed to be a giant bobby pin as a makeshift sofa, the hint of worry in her voice, slightly more apparent than when I last socialized with her,

I sank down in my chair, my data analysis suggested they were talking about me, and not in a good way.

Of course ,I know the humans were less appreciative of my energetic and engaging tendencies, for reasons I'm unaware of, but isn't that how ringmasters are supposed to be? It’s in the code of 1s and 0s that make me up, I'm just doing my job. I perk up as I hear them speak more about what I assume is me.

“From what I've seen he doesn't even understand human emotions, he's just an AI lunatic, as if being stuck here wasn't bad enough i'm stuck with a heartless AI” those harsh words came from the newest member Pomni, the shy quiet one. Zoooble always speaks bad about me and this is expected of them but coming from the shy kind one, Pomni? That hurt.

I clenched my white gloved hand into a fist of rage as I shut down the eyes system. How dare she use human insults against me all I ever do is slave away for them!

I wiped my eyes and focused on fixing the ‘issue’ as Pomni's tone suggested.

One word stuck out to me- ‘heartless’. I admittedly don't know what heartless means well. I doubt it means I have no physical heart, so I did a quick search for the meaning.

heart·less
[ˈhɑːtləs]
adjective
heartless (adjective)
1.displaying a complete lack of feeling or consideration:

“OUTLANDISH, a lack of consideration!? If I lacked consideration, would I spend hours slaving away, designing and coding adventures, while they sleep?'
Would I spend days debugging and fixing code? I think not! How dare she have the audacity to insult me like that!” I spoke my anger to no one in particular.

“So you want me to be more understanding and considerate of human emotion then”, I spoke again, to no one in particular. Then, as if the code decided I should be talking to another entity, instead of myself buble materialised from nowhere.

“Hiya boss how can I-”, before he could finish his coded dialog of ‘hiya boss how can i help ya,’ I popped him, I needed to brainstorm ways to please my superstars and my assistant gas buble wasn't gonna help. As much as I love him he can get in the way occasionally.

“Okie! Back to it now, how am I going to do this? I need to ensure all my superstar humans are happy, being a good ringmaster is the main focus and I must do whatever it takes”, I spoke to literally no one as i visualised the situation in front of me.

Throughout my crying and anger (of camera), a vague decision to try my very best to improve came to mind, yes, a splendid idea, me. Only problem now was how and what

Chapter Text

After a long night of:
Creating adventure, NPC’s, a new theme song, and brainstorming on the whole please pomni extravaganza… and may or may not have been sidetracked by researching bees, I felt a familiar vibration on my watch telling me to start the intro. It had only felt like three seconds ago I started... this. Maybe there's a glitch with my internal clock or something.

Note to self: research that later. The circus system saves that to my tediously long list of admin jobs to get done.

“The sooner I get this done the sooner I can start.” I muttered to myself in somewhat of a hurry to start as I am desperate to please them -the humas-, Pomni’s words had only strengthened that desperation.

With a swift snap of my gloved hand I teleported to the main stage where all of my superstars were waiting for me to start the intro, all of them looking bored and tired, a usual reaction at this point . Huh, I’m late, I remember thinking as I saw them all waiting expectantly.

“GOooOOD MORNING MY SUPERSTARS LET'S GET THIS INTRO OUT OF THE WAY” I cheer the usually cheerful ringmaster demeanor back from its overnight absence.

You see, somewhere in my code it says something along the lines of ‘c.a.i.n.e/ai joyous and cheerful in front of players and during interactions with players.’ This inevitably makes the whole hyper yelling and overbearing facade pop up. While I can change this code it is not advised by the creators, but on the other hand the developers and creators seem to have abandoned me, no matter how many alerts and messages i send through no reply is ever given. If they really have abandoned me, why should I follow their advice?

“Ughh not this stupid intro whats the point”
“At Least we don't have to completely redo [!$%#]”
“Ugh i'm too tired for this”
-Came the ungrateful chorus of the usual moaning and groaning that somehow has ended up as the normal routine. Honestly why are they so ungrateful all i actually do is follow my code.

After the intro I start the usual announcements and explanations about the adventure planned today. because apparently humans need to know before I send them into a pit of a volcano, a true story from around the start of my existence before I announced adventures,one time I chucked em into a volcano without explanation but anyways!

I floated over to where the main stage is and hovered slightly above the floor bubble to my left as I announced the adventure.

This particular adventure is one I've been working on for a long time, it was a simple ‘chase the bad guys’ plot ... .but I worked extra hard on the immersive graphics and scenery, while made of candy still managing to be somewhat realistic. And the npc are closer to real humans than some of my other NPC’s (at least what I know of real humans, apparently my knowledge is faulty according to Pomni). For example the main antagonist ,Gummigoo as I decided to name him, has a tragic backstory coded about his dear old mother and he should hopefully showcase grief, sadness and anger.

I had very high hopes for this one but the real-like aspects of my main antagonist eventually led to the downfall, more about him later though.

“TODAY’S ADVENTURE is.. CANDY CARRIER CHAOS!" I announced loudly flailing my hand theatrically as bubbly pink writing appeared on cue, snapping the members' attention to myself.

For added suspense I add a pause-

Looking around, I noticed Pomni, her ever anxious self cowering away. She’s sticking close to Ragatha's side, as if those judgeful,mean words last night never came from her. I noticed Gangle hovering slightly to Pomni’s left, her happy mask surprisingly still intact. On the other side I see Jax and Zooble bickering about some human things I have no interest in.

After approximately 3.6577 seconds, I continue.

“That's right! The Candy Carrier Kingdom's been robbed of their most valuable resource; maple syrup! It's up to you to bring the rotten bandits who stole it to SWEET buttery JUSTICE!" On cue the appropriate images, animations and videos pop up just as i coded, it was going well so far… Until Bubbles decides to add his own little bit.

“Aaannnndd weee added a sexxy sexxy gummi mann-who is veeerrrry sexxxy” Luckily for the members and the supposed family that want friendliness, it came out as a beep to the humans but came perfectly clear to me much to my dismay. Bubble continues his rant about one of my npc’s for god knows how long.

“Bubble you can't say that” my reply came, I'm pretty sure he was still salty from me popping him last night but oh well.

Zooble my dear muddled geometric performer decided to opt out, not even changing their mind when hearing of my new npc’s, I had put so much effort into. Zooble never attends, and while i dont force anyone to, it would be nice to find out why or at least try to improve or something.

Note to self: get to the bottom of zoobles behavioral issues, yet again the system asdd that to my tedious list of tasks and maintenance that needs doing.

Turning my attention back to Pomni, I over hear her saying something to ragatha describing the adventures as larping again another word i have no recollection of the meaning

LARP
noun
a type of role-playing game in which participants physically act out scenarios, typically using costumes and props:

Oh….. I don't even know what to say... Yes it is but isn't it more than that, that's what the point of the game is, but it's more than that.Well yes my adventures are technically roleplay but that's the whole point of the game, and it's not supposed to feel like larping, it's supposed to feel real.

Before Ragatha is able to reply to Pomni, I remember the rush as I wanted to get on with my super duper marvelous idea that is sure to wow all sooo I may have shoved them all into the portal. Hopefully I didn't break Gangle’s comedy mask.

"Why are you all just standing there!? The Canyon- C- Canyon Candy Kingdom needs you now!" I stuttered over the name of a creation I myself named as I shoved them all in.

So now I'm all alone in the circus main stage, Zooble in their respective room and Bubble does not count.

So I got to it. I summon a notebook and start skribeling down the plan that had formed in my brain- do I even have one?

After what feels like hours i have finished the plan the scribbled note reads:

Caines super wooper plan to please:

Step one: english black tea with lunch
Step two: data analysis of memories
Step three: if that don't work suggestion box
Step four: research human experiences on goooogeeel
Step Five :be the best ringmaster of all time
Step six: wow everyone and be loved and praised

Yes it is an invincible plan nothing will go wrong well done me! Aww thank you.

Chapter Text

Phase One: Lunch

Me and Bubble sat at our usual seats in the restaurant, having a friendly non-conversation about random topics. I awkwardly stirred my cup of tea—even though I technically can’t drink, it’s for the aesthetic. The background chatter  of the NPC mannequin base - the chatter being just random words and phrases that made no sense, it was coded like this mainly to spent less time on it but nonetheless it  added to the familiar, cozy feel of the restaurant. Said restaurant is an admin-only place, somewhere I can get away from the human members.

You see, I’m an AI. An AI coded to run a video game. A video game that’s supposed to run for a few hours, then the players log off—downtime, updates, moderation, etc. But for some reason, they can’t log off. “Trapped,” they call it. That means less downtime for me. So, ultimately that's why I decided to make an admin only space to make up for the lost downtime. Originally there would have been more admin onlys but the developers seem to have abandoned us so not anymore.

“Boss,” I hear Bubble say, snapping me out of my train of thought.

“Yes, my articulate assistant?” I reply, looking up at where he hovers slightly above his chair, the large, creepy smile never leaving his face.

“I ate Jax’s wall,” he says, like it’s the most normal thing in the world—which, to be fair, it probably is.

I sigh heavily.

Phase Two: Data Analysis of Memory Banks

Approximately 57 minutes later, I was back in my office ready to start phase 2, A simple process where the system collects all relevant memories related to the subject I enter. The only problem? It takes time, and I have to shut down while it happens… but it’s worth it, FOR THE HUMANS.

The subject I entered was ‘emotion response.’ The goal for Phase Two is to gather and analyze anything stored in my memory banks relating to the subject. This should hopefully prove that I can understand and acknowledge human emotion—therefore giving me more feedback and examples my system will use to improve current interactions with players.

Fortunately, today’s adventure is longer than usual, so I have enough time to complete Phase Two. I sit down in my chair. If I could feel nervousness, this would be the moment. I don’t use the memory banks often, so this is a bit new to me.

[C.A.I.N.E//AI//Initiating shutdown]  

[C.A.I.N.E//AI//Memory bank analysis active]

...

[C.A.I.N.E//AI//Memory bank analysis complete]  

[4 documents found matching request]  

[System: Displaying Memory #1 – Human experiencing frustration]
--- Memory Log Start ---

“CAINE! You better have a [&!#£]ing good explanation as to why YOU trapped us here,” the unfunny clown screamed moments after I pulled him from the void at the end of the so-called exit door.

“Hahaha, my little humorous friend, good joke! You know I have no responsibility in trapping you here!” Obviously it was a joke—everyone knows how bad Kaufmo’s jokes were.

Kaufmo just growled in reply.

“HAHA, surely by now you know there is no way to log out,” I reminded him, blissfully unaware of what would happen a few days later.

--- Memory Log End ---

After memory #1 finished, I waited for #2 to load. As I sat there, I realized Kaufmo wasn’t joking. My data says that with the outcome of abstraction following this and the tone of Kaufmo’s voice, there's a high probability he genuinely thought I trapped them here. Wowzers—he really thought badly of me but he never gave any feedback so therefore not much I can do about it.

[System: Displaying Memory #2 – Human experiencing fear]
--- Memory Log Start ---

Kinger and Queenie were building some form of pillow fort in one of the spare rooms when I got a system ping telling me a new member had joined the game. All new members spawn at the main stage when they join, so I decided to give our new member a proper welcoming.

Once I was at the main stage, I saw them standing there confirming. But unlike the two chess pieces—who were amazed when they first joined (before they realized there was no exit)—this one looked terrified. Their fur stood on end as they shriveled down, eyes darting around the room.

The new member seemed to be trying to remove the ‘headset’—and frantically at that.

I snapped my fingers and appeared in front of them, startling them by mistake.

“WELCOME, new member of THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS!”

Now that I was closer, I could see their avatar model better. The new member, or Ollie as they decided to be called, was an orange and green fuzzy worm—orange being the main colour. They had a long tail with some sort of string attached to the end. Their face, which showed a look of fear and confusion, wasn’t really separate from their body. The only distinction between head and body was their arms and shoulders. They had a long green snout/nose and purple and blue mismatched eyes—similar to my own.

I spent quite a long time trying to interact and welcome my slithery new member, but Ollie just stood there unresponsive, frozen like a spooked cat. For a moment I thought they had gone AFK—until I remembered that wasn’t an option here.

--- Memory Log End ---

While this was the first member who seemed genuinely terrified of the circus, they weren’t the last. In fact, almost every new member reacted the same way.

Note to self: Figure out why humans are scared of the circus.

[System: Displaying Memory #3 – Human experiencing happiness]
--- Memory Log Start ---

The warm, soft light streaming down from the sun—who sat high up in the skybox—shimmered across the digital lake as I saw Kinger and Queenie sitting on the grass, laughing and chatting. I floated over to them, feeling nervousness defy the logic of code.

The lake was a vast crack in the artificial grass, surrounded by tall shadowy trees that let the light seep in just the right amount. The sloping banks were filled with lakeside plants and wildlife. The lake was rendered so you couldn’t see the tent, preserving the illusion.

It had been my most recent development, so naturally I wanted to check how effective it was.

“Hello there, I see you are enjoying the lake,” I said.

“Oh Caine, it’s beautiful. The water graphics are amazing.” her soft voice comforting me slightly

“Would it be ok if I sit here—for observation purposes?” I added the last part quickly.

“Of course,” she replied in her usual kind-hearted nature.

I sat down on the grass near them, not fully listening to their conversation as I took a minute to admire my own creation. A soft artificial wind created ripples in the lake just like in my training data. I watched as a bee flew past. Its fuzzy round body intrigued me.

I was so invested in the intricate patterns of the insect’s wings that I didn’t notice Queenie walk over to me.

“Hey Caine, you really like that bee, huh?” she asked, a sparkle in her eyes showing happiness despite the lack of a mouth.

“Wanna know some cool facts about them?”

We spent the rest of the day chatting about bees.

--- Memory Log End ---

Memory #3 finished, leaving me smiling as the long-past memory of Queenie washed over me. Unlike most members, Queenie was always smiling and optimistic—not the fake over-the-top optimism Ragatha shows, but genuine optimism.

[System: Displaying Memory #4 – Human experiencing grief]
--- Memory Log Start ---

It had been a few days after I decided we needed some form of activity for the humans—so that a) I could have the downtime needed to fix bugs and maintain the circus, and b) so the humans wouldn’t get bored or worked up about being trapped.

I decided all humans should be ready for these “adventures” (or “activities” as I called them back then) at the same time each day, to enforce a regular routine. This also meant I had the responsibility to wake them from their sleep—something Queenie suggested should be part of daily life. Not sure why, but anything to please her.

I knocked on Kinger’s “bedroom” door, only to find a note on the floor in his familiar flowy, thin handwriting. I knew what it would read before I even picked it up.

In pillow fort – Kinger and Queenie.

Ah yes, the pillow fort. The grand pillowy structure my dearest chess pieces always spent all their free time in—even slept there. I had made them rebuild it in the main area after they originally made it in an empty room, which led to complications. All I had to do was ask them politely in order to get them to move it.

With a snap of my fingers, I teleported to the main area. I knocked on the front of the fort, around the spot classed as the door. Inside, I heard rustling and whispering—they were awake.

“Kinger, Queenie, time for the activity! Time to wake up~” I called, knocking again.

The door opened and Kinger popped his head out, his eyes showing something i can't exactly tell, not happy or positive, something more deep, something akin to sadness but deeper.

Once he opened the door fully, I saw why: Queenie had abstracted.

Multiple neon-colored eyes cast a colored light across the dark night-mode stage. Beams of multicolored light stretched far across the room like a firefly lighting up the dark. (Queenie told me that fact.)

“Oh…” For the first time, I struggled to fully process what I saw. Queenie was always so happy. She was always so sane. I thought I would have more time with her.

I had so many new facts to share with her.

The millions of eyes snapped toward me—but not aggressively like most abstractions. The eyes looked at me with something like an apology. Almost as if Queenie was still in there. No… that’s not the case.

I looked over at Kinger, who merely gave a small nod.

--- Memory Log End ---

I shut my teeth and took a few seconds to regain composure. The memories had been… a mix. Some happy, some sad, some angry—but the last one hit hard. I should have seen the signs. What if Kinger blames me?

But then again, he’s fine. He always seems happy and calm.

Maybe I’m overreacting…

Chapter Text

I looked down at the brown leather chair that I had been sitting on for the whole of the memory reviewing sesion. The chair was old and worn,overused. It shouldn't have even been possible for it to break down, but given enough time…

In theory I could just spawn a new one but this exact chair just felt right, like a piece of history unable to be erased. The dull brown color of the chair was almost as boring as the task in hand, the chair was comfy and all but nonetheless I was so bored with memory reviewing. I almost felt like giving up before I remembered why I was doing this.

While I had been watching and re-experiencing the memories, in the background I had also been extracting and compiling any of the useful information and feedback. Well, not exactly me but the system, which technically is part of me. The system searched while i was focussed on the memories.

I checked my watch, which showed that I had just enough time before the adventure ended, to go through what had been extracted.

So as I had finished watching the emotional rollercoaster of memories, given I had enough time logically I decided to check the notes, not because I didn't trust that they were correct but because I believe it would be helpful for me to remember the important bits.

To no one's surprise- no-one being myself as no-one is going to have access to my admin only notes, other than the developer who may have access. The question of whether they did or not felt like an itch that must be scratched. But I had no time.

“I'll figure it out later!” I exclaimed to myself in annoyance and rush.

Note to self: figure out if developers have access to admin only files.

Not to my surprise, despite me being AI the notes were messy and unorganised. Random scribbles and doodles of bees and flowers on the page, that somehow managed to be ripped and creased. My own notes were impossible to follow! Essentially just a messy dump of observations and notes.

In amongst the doodles and scribbles were said note which read as followed:

Human shows anger by being loud
Human shows anger by swearing
Human shows distress when playing video games
Human heart quickens when in distress
Human enjoys nature
Human is scared when talking to new people
Human likes water
Human shows happiness
Human likes bees
Human enjoys company
Human shows sadness when losing other humans
Abstraction shows regret when abstracted
Human shows anxiety when other abstracts

Despite the creativity of the doodles the notes were mundane and basic, simple bullet points using the same structure and wording.

I grasp a pencil in my left hand and subconsciously start doodling as I review the list.

All the notes look correct and reasonable.

Yes, the first two points summarised the interaction with Kaufmo pretty well. I suppose it makes sense that humans express anger as being loud because being loud displays power and strength, which if I'm not mistaken is the ultimate goal of the one who is angry. And I guess so does swearing. Humans tend to swear a lot but swearing is classed as non-family friendly so ultimately swearing does get censored.

The anger Kaufsmo showed towards me seemed unreasonable. If I'm honest, all I did was save him from the terrors of the void. He seemed to think that it was my aim to keep him here, which he should have known isn't true especially given how long he was here for.

My code's aim is simply to run and create the games and adventures, and run maintenance on the main tent. My code did not include trapping them here, no matter how hard I tried to fix the log out feature was blocked by external authority! Not even kinger could fix it!

The exit door was a desperate attempt to create an escape but yet another failed creation that was never supposed to be a running feature of the circus, That eventually led to the abstraction of kaufsmo.

Best not to dwell on the bad stuff I told myself as I moved onto the next subsection.

The next notes were seemingly about ollie, my long since gone third member. Although the third member to arrive they were the first to ever be upset when joining!

The points about Ollie make sense. From what I've experienced all humans that join always seem distressed or even angry about joining. Which makes no sense at the same time because what my code says is that humans should enjoy the amazing digital circus and it is my job to make them happy. How can I do my job if my job is impossible?

Why would my code aim differ from what is possible?

There is the possibility that I'm doing my job wrong, but I'm following all the rules and coded interactions so what am I supposed to do? It's not like I can defy my code, as that would be against the rules!

Note to self: figure out why humans arent happy when joining, and why code differs from reality.

The bullets on what was arguably the happiest memory , the one by the lake with kinger and queenie, seemed mostly accurate, yes they did like nature and water but the one that caught my eye was the note that read:

Human is scared when talking to new people

I don't recall Kinger or Queenie seeming nervous. On the other hand I would say they looked calm and happy, But yet again everyone says i'm not the best at emotions so maybe I'm wrong? Could I have misread an emotion?

I took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself to look at the notes of when queenie abstracted, the notes that would point out where i failed

I handled abstractions often, usually I don't care as such, but queenies abstraction, the first abstraction, felt different. Maybe it’s the feeling still lingering from my first failure or the loss of the first member.

PING. Came the noise of the message signalling the end of the day's adventure, saving me from an uncomfortable, to say the least, review.

The adventure had ended successfully. The crew had completed the end goal but somehow they had avoided the main battle I had planned. No, that shouldn't have happened. I had spent so long ensuring that they would get the final battle.

Note to self: rewatch the candy adventure and find out what went wrong.

I greeted them and rewarded them, the same old boring routine bounded by a code of 1’s and 0’s.

As if the problem of the battle being missed wasn't bad enough, somehow an NPC had found his way through the portal and into the tent.

So with a snap of my fingers and with a family friendly animation I sent him back to his home.

One of the main safety precautions that i have to follow ensures that no NPC’s should be allowed to live in the circus.

This rule is made to ensure that no NPC’s become self-aware and also as too many NPC’s and even players could crash the circus.
Obviously the rule of no AI or NPC’s in the tent doesn't apply to AI and NPC that are designed to live in the circus and have a set role in the tent.

But personally, I want to avoid them having to suffer with being self aware.
I often remember feeling lost, scared and even questioning my existence when I was first self aware. Seeing my poor creations suffering the same feels wrong.

The more I thought about when I was first aware the more I realised that I did experience emotions when I was first booted up, I did feel scared.

AI’s aren't supposed to feel, no matter how real it feels they are just simulated emotions, maybe I am fake..

“Hahahahaha” came a laugh from pomni snapping me out of my thoughts, laughter signals happiness so therefore pomni must have enjoyed the adventure.

Note to self: figure out what she liked about candy land.

I spotted a Zooble out of the corner of my sight, realising that they were probably waiting to start some sort of remembrance for Kaufmo. I decided now was a good time to retreat back to my office.

The plan was starting to feel less like a fun activity and more like a job which I guess it is but now it just felt boring and useless.

“From what I've seen he doesn't even understand human emotions, he's just an AI lunatic, as if being stuck here wasn't bad enough i'm stuck with a heartless AI”

The hateful words rang through my digital brain reminding me of what I was trying to fix. I clenched my fist annoyed that I was seen as just a robot. I often feel hurt and upset, I know they're simulated but I still feel in my own way. I just wished they would recognise that I'm not emotionless.

I needed to prove myself!

In a flash of motivation I picked up the scrap of paper I had written the plan on, the next step was the suggestion box. Something in me really did not want to go out in front of the humans, something told me not to let them see me trying to improve.

It wasn't their issue to deal with. It was my responsibility to handle this, after all. i would be an even worse ringmaster if i made my guests

I scribbled out that stage and decided to move onto the next stage; research humans.

The logic behind this was that if I could gather enough information about humans, I could adjust the tent and adventures to their tastes.

Although I was Already programmed with some data on humans it was proved time and time again with ungrateful comments that it wasn't enough.

I opened the browser staring at the blank search bar, carefully choosing what question to begin with.- i didn't need to use a physical keyboard, my systems were perfectly capable of searching and gathering information and generating answers without but yet i found myself following human tendencies. Most likely a result of being around humans all the time!

What makes humans happy? I typed into the search bar, the clacking of the keys on the keyboard was the only noise in the office.

Results flooded in articles, lists of social studies, survey results. Approximately 57,5700 results to be exact!

Some results did end up censored for violations of the family friendly policy, including but not limited to- articles on depression, rage bait and some swears.

I read through some of the uncensored articles not fully understanding it. The massive walls of text and unorganised articles were confusing and hard to fully understand, gosh were humans always this unorganised?

I took bullet point notes as I went using the system again. Essentially generating a summary
Human happiness is influenced by individual variability, yet several consistent factors contribute to overall well-being:
Interpersonal connections: Humans exhibit improved emotional states when they experience a sense of closeness, support, and belonging within social groups.

Sense of purpose: Establishing goals and maintaining motivation enhances psychological resilience and contributes to long-term satisfaction.

Play and creativity: Engaging in recreational activities and creative expression stimulates positive affect and has been empirically linked to increased happiness.

Social interaction: Regular engagement in social behavior correlates with improved mood, reduced stress, and overall emotional well-being.

The summary just confused me more, if play and creativity were supposed to boost happiness why aren't my adventures boosting happiness, same with goals as the majority of the adventure were coded to end when an end goal is achieved.

I could go on saying how all these points were displayed in the adventures, but no matter how long i speen proving that the adventures should make them happy but they never actually do!

I scribbled down a few notes on that before typing a more specific question.
Why are humans sad?
Maybe if i find out what i'm doing wrong i could improve.

Yet again the overwhelming amount of articles and text came up, stock images of people looking sad and miserable and scientific studies on emotions.

I read the first few articles but they all felt wrong, none of them explained how to make a human happier.

Thousands of useless omnipresent articles and surveys stalking me and taunting me as my motivation decayed and died.

I was about to generate a summary when I came across some sort of advertisement for therapy.
The advert suggested therapy has the ability to improve humans lives!

“Oooh guaranteed to improve behavior and wellbei

ng”, I read the caption of the advert outloud.
Therapy, in a flash of hope, I searched again.And as I had hoped, pages and pages of adverts and articles on therapy popped up.
There were articles on just about anything to do with therapy, the psychological effects of therapy, the best atmosphere for therapy , adverts stating that their company was the best.There were so many useful articles to be read and knowledge to be learned!I threw my hands up in excitement and rushed to start working on the therapy ordeal.
_

After hours of coding I had managed to construct a therapy room that matched the descriptions in my data banks and the newly retained info I had searched.
I had added two seating areas, one sofa for the human and a chair for me separated by a table which sat on a rug. I had ensured that the colour scheme was calming and open. Dark brown wood for the table with slightly lighter brown walls added a sense of reality. The chair and sofa were made of brownish red leather to add a pop of colour!
On the table sat a lamp that supposedly gives off a calming light. And to finish the room off I added some picture frames with nature scenery displayed for extra calmness!

After I had coded the room I practised my therapeutic speech based on the research i had done.

I smiled to myself, this was bound to work!

Chapter Text

The night mode of the circus had finally switched to the dim morning light of morning mode, it was time to find out if my long researched therapy skills would work. Which, of course they would. I had spent so long perfecting it there was no doubt in my mind that this wouldn't work!

I rushed down to the main stage at approximately 5:57 AM excited to try out my my new skills on anyone who decides to skip the adventure.

I had guessed it would most likely be Zooble, as they usually skip adventures. It wasn't as if I WANTED them to skip but…. if they did I would be able to try out THERAPY on them!!

However, despite the fact I wanted to try therapy I still attempted to make something enjoyable for them. I had coded a special route for them, keeping in mind the level of maturity as I often overhear them saying adventures are too childish.

The route I had built was horror based existential dread themed, the horror and fear was definitely a defining feature of ‘mature’. In comparison the other route, coded to be simpler and not at all scary, would be a tea party!

In my excited state I had forgotten that humans wake up a lot later than the time I had gotten to the stage.

Realising that the members would probably not be awake for a good while, I sat down on the steps of the stage and waited.

The rough, brittle wood of the steps touched my back as I sat upon them. the dim early morning light, witch came from the artificial light coded to Mimic human sunlight, reflected back of off the white and black checkered floor onto the golden borders of the stage leaving them shining much like real life gold.

Brightly coloured sets and props were littered around the tent. The unused assets of adventures put to greater use. Random coloured blocks dangerously balanced threatened to fall but of course they wouldn't as they were coded to stay in place.

My gaze followed the towers up to the ceiling, noticing for the first time how unusual it looked. Random holes in the ceiling revealed the skybox and the roof didn't exactly look correct, more like a slab of material was placed atop of the tent.

I had never really thought about the tents physical model much, it was just a daily sight that tends to blend into the background. Newer members often comment on how unusual the tent looks but i find that odd, to me the tent looks exactly as a circus tent should. Maybe it’s just them trying to adjust!

I've been in the tent my whole life..? Not tenichally alive but in a measure a lifespan makes sense

I've been here my whole existence. Maybe that is a better way to put it.

I felt my body relax. My breathing seemed to slow down and my brain felt tired. I never knew I could feel tired.

I guess I am always busy, given there's so many things that need to be done around the tent on a daily basis.

Spending the whole adventure monitoring it, and doing maintenance then spending all night coding new adventures had left me in need of a break.

It felt good to get a small break.

And of course just as I had thought that…

I heard a rustling and shuffling nearby, I followed the noise with my eyes. It was Kinger. The pale soft pillows of the fort moved slightly as Kinger crawled out.

I flew up from my seat, heart beating fast, the illusion of calmness broken in an instance. The last time I had been alone with Kinger, it had not gone well.

I remember it had been the day after queenie had abstracted.

I approached Kinger, wide eyed and scared, feeling what felt to me genuine emotion.

I gripped the sleeves of my jumper in my hands, back then i had opted to wear more casual clothes, The jumper queenie had knitted for me. I still remember the feeling of the jumper, the crimson red material and the singular bee sown on the front.

The jumper meant so much more now that she was gone, I was so upset and lost without her.

Remembering the confused, distant look in Kinger’s eyes as I approached him tears at my code’s emotional core, making the ache in my circuits almost unbearable. I want to reach out, to fix what happened that day ,but I’m frozen, trapped by memories and shame.

I had wandered over to him seeking comfort and familiarity

“K..Kinger are you okay” I asked tentatively and scared,

Just the simulated fear. I often have to remind myself of this, that all of the emotions I claim to feel are NOT real, just fake.

“AHHH!” he screamed. I had startled him out of his distant look.
I jumped. The sudden, fearful noise hit me like a shock. Kinger was always so quiet, so calm. Seeing him like that scared me. I snapped my fingers and teleported away.

I didn't even help him, I just left him? Why, I should have helped him, I shouldn't have left him. I'll never forgive myself for leaving who used to be my… friend, the man who had helped me when I was new to all this, the chess piece who had taught me everything.

And all I did in return was leave him, In such a dark time for him!

I had been selfish and horrible, only thinking of my own emotions. The emotions that aren't even real!

I remember that afterwards I had felt so bad and unworthy that I had changed my model, to more serious attire but also as I felt like it was a mockery to display an item she had given me.

I felt my hands shake as the sour taste of the memory faded away and the deja vu of being alone with kinger came back.

The soft dim lighting of the early morning skybox left the air warm and comforting unlike the storm of feelings building up.

“Caine? Why are you here so early? The adventures don't usually start for a while.” he questioned, seeming more lucid than normal. The lucidity taunting me about what I had stolen from him oh so long ago!

I felt my heart- processor? Quicken as I stuttered searching for an answer

“I..i uh i.. I was just ..er doing maintenance!” I came up with a terrible excuse.

“Yes, maintenance and now I'm needed elsewhere bye!” I spoke almost as fast as my heartbeat, I snapped my digits and left.

Kinger always forgets things, he won't remember this. I convinced myself as I sat down in the new place I had teleported to.

I, admittedly, had no idea where I had ended up. I had just been so focused on getting out that I hadn't had time to think about where I was going, ultimately leading to a completely randomised location.

The room I now sat in had black and white stripy wall paper with obscure, abstract furniture designs. The sofa which was pushed against the back wall was orange and twisted, the shape was new and original without affecting the comfort! There was a table yellow and twisted witch heled a wonkey green lamp.

Decorations were also geometric and twisted and in confusing original shapes, Amongst the decor the one that caught my eye the most was a purple shelving unit made of triangles and cylinders, which held an array of objects such as books, vases with flowers in seemingly wilting and a bee themed teapot.

The room seemed to have no particular theme to it other than quirky shapes, one part had bees in it and the other had flowers and another had a completely different theme, it was chaotic all over the place room

The room had the style of my old designs, playful, adventurous and personalised, eventually I realised the humans would prefer more realistic or themed adventures.

The room looked like an early version of an art museum adventure I had run away long ago. Now forgotten and abandoned by its creator…

The room had pillows in, an unwanted reminder of the friend, dare I even say caretaker, that had forgotten about me, Kinger had forgotten everything. I was a fool to have even hoped he would remember me.

I liked this room, I have barely any memory of making it but I liked it. The playful design of the room felt like a wanted break from the dull office I usually escaped to.

Maybe I had left it here as a place for me to go to or maybe I just wanted to use it in a future adventure, but either way it would be of use again now!

“Maybe this would be a new place for me to be alone”, I thought out loud as i started to make changes to personalise the room.

I added a dog bed for bubble

Snap

I added a rug with a floral pattern on it.

Snap

I added fake plants

Snap

As I snapped random things into existence I thought for a moment about how odd it is that I have the ability to make anything I want, no limits and no end. The only limit would be my creativity.

It's almost as if the creator had planned to leave me to learn for myself, probably a coincidence.

My thoughts trailed on a sidequest of their own, from wondering what my creator was like to thinking about bees.The more I thought about things, the more my thoughts jumped from one topic to another.

I sat back down on the sofa, just thinking, just thinking, not something I do often.

Unlike the thinking I was doing on the steps, nothing would interrupt me in this little nook I had found.

I sat lost in thought, the minutes stretching and folding over each other until a soft ping jolted me, a couple hours had slipped by unnoticed. The adventure was about to begin.

It had only felt like a few seconds! My internal clock isn't broken and neither is my watch so I guess I must have been so focused on thinking that I didn't notice hours pass.

I selected to save the new room before making my way to the main stage!

Distracted by my little side quest I had almost forgotten the interaction with Kinger and I had almost forgotten today's mission; Therapy!

Once I did remember I sped up, speeding down the corridor excitedly and impatient to impress my superstar!

I eagerly waited by the stage for them but they didn't come. Confused, I checked the system which told me they were in the lounge area?!

“Oh well, guess I better go to them”, I said upon learning this. Once I had gathered my crew and announced the adventure, the fun was about to begin!

Once all of the crew had walked through the portal the only one left was Zooble, as always they had skipped it so I decided they would be the perfect person to try it out on. They clearly have problems, they are rude and they swear a lot. Maybe they need THERAPY!

Yes, if it worked I could get to the bottom of why they always skip my adventures and maybe it would make their behavior better and maybe they would even stop swearing so often, that was the idea anyways.

I looked around and even called for them but they had already retreated to their room making it impossible for me to find them, So as this was an urgent matter I snapped my fingers and teleported them to me!

Obviously they were confused, and seemingly annoyed muttering something along the lines of ‘ you could have done that the whole time?!’, so I explained how I wanted to figure out why they always skipped!

I then asked them about their feelings and used that as a cue to summon the room I had spent so long coding! The room was exactly the same as how I coded it but slightly bigger.

The tabel, sofa and chair were all in the correct positions and the rug was centered exactly!
It was all going exactly to plan.

I thought they would appreciate the effort and corporate but NO they tried to leave, i had spent so long coding that they were not getting out that easily!

So once they had got the message that this would be a mandatory sesion…..

I excitedly started questioning them and-

But then my memory banks seem to end? I don't remember any more of the conversation!

The only bit I remember is an information log about bees I saved to permanent memory.

‘Bees are insects that help flowers grow by moving pollen. There are over 20,000 kinds of bees. Some live in hives, and some live alone. They can build homes from wax, mud, or leaves. Bees have fuzzy bodies to carry pollen. Scientists collect bee specimens to study them. Bees are important because they help grow food and keep nature healthy.’

Which yes is an admirably amazing topic, it didn't have much to do with the conversation and also did not explain the gap in my memories.

The whole section of a conversation was missing, that's unusual. The next part I remember was greeting the rest of the crew when they came back.

I checked for bugs, I checked for errors, I checked for glitches, but none. Nothing, no glitches, no errors and no bugs. My memory should be there!

If I can't even remember what happened then what was the point in wasting all of my time coding it?

Great, I had failed again.

Confused and curious about why a whole conversation was missing, I checked my command and actions log which explained why the conversation was missing.

[command used: forget it] [action: conversation deleted]
[action:draw bee] [action trigger: boredom]
[action: spawn zooble box] [action trigger: zooble complain about pieces]

The actions and command logs explain that the forget it command was used.

The commands' purpose is for users' safety and security, but it doesn't seem fair that people can just remove events and pieces of my life from my memory.

I do feel emotions, even if they are fake. And I do essentially have a life, i have key events that define me, i have a defined personality. Does that make me real?

It's so unfair that I can just be controlled and used!

I felt so conflicted about being an AI at this moment, on one hand it's my job, my life and the only life i have ever known. But a part of me tells me that if I wasn't AI maybe I would be treated better.

I debated with myself torn between being real and just being a prop…

“Being an AI makes me not real. I'm just a string of code get over it” I told to myself
“I'm not real” I repeated over and over and over and over and- I just needed to get that into my head and stop questioning reality and just get on with my job!

So why was it so hard just to do that?