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Tommy watches as Joel and Ellie trudge through the thick, Jackson snow from the end of the street. Ellie is tucked under Joel’s arm, protecting her from the evening chill. She always looks so fragile wrapped in Joel’s embrace and Tommy doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the fact that their fiery little girl isn’t invincible. As much she likes to think she is. The oversized backpack slung over her shoulder doesn’t help, packed far too bulky for a one-night sleepover at his house. She’s obviously struggling to carry it and if Tommy knows them well, which he does, Joel offered to carry it and got a mouthful in return. Ellie smirks at him as they enter the front gate.
Joel offers a tense nod of the head while Ellie jogs ahead. Tommy can’t help but smile as she skips up the porch stairs, clearly geared up to cause trouble. As much as Joel detests it, Tommy is the “fun uncle” which means, within reason, Ellie gets away with a lot more here than with Joel.
She punches him in the arm and Tommy shakes his head fondly.
“Nice to see you too, pumpkin.”.
Ellie scrunches her nose in faux disgust at the pet name and makes a ridiculous gagging sound. Tommy only grins.
Joel grunts as he makes his way up the steps, always struggling to keep up with Ellie’s lively demeanour.
“Need help, old man?” Tommy snipes.
He glances at Ellie for approval. She doesn’t look at him but she does smirk and Tommy takes that as approval enough.
“Piss off,” Joel wraps an arm around Ellie, “the cold is messin’ with my joints is all.”.
Ellie’s quip dies on her lips as she wriggles around in Joel’s embrace, making herself comfortable. Sometimes Tommy thinks he should hold an intervention and let them know that they’re cripplingly co-dependant, but he has a feeling they don’t need to be told. Besides, Joel letting Ellie sleepover with him for his first overnight shift is progress.
Tommy hums, “Right, and I’m Freddie Mercury.”.
Ellie scrunches up her face, “Who the fuck is Freddie Mercury?”.
Tommy makes an over exaggerated expression of offence at Joel.
“You haven’t shown her Freddie?”.
Joel rolls his eyes, “I’m sure you can make time to show her Freddie tonight.”.
Ellie’s expression falters and Tommy’s joking demeanour subsides. Ellie may be a rebellious fifteen-year-old fighting for independence but she’s still scared to leave Joel. It’s not that she doesn’t trust Tommy, she always looks forward to staying over at his house, but she’s a traumatised little thing. Joel spared him from the more personal details, because those are Ellie’s to tell, but he heard enough to know that her clinginess is justified.
Tommy’s clinginess came from a different place when he was a child, but he understands her fear. He would cry or throw a fit whenever his older brother tried to leave the house without him. When he looks back on it he doesn’t know how Joel managed to keep it together, when the hissyfits continued every year till he was thirteen. He remembers, no matter how busy or frustrated he was, Joel would make time for him. He would take a deep breath, press a kiss to his head and cradle Tommy until he was content enough to let him get to wherever he was going. Joel would always get the belt for being soft on him.
Tommy puts his hands on his hips, “Well, me and El watch Jurassic Park whenever she’s here, so no can do. Tradition is tradition.”.
As expected, Ellie perks up at this, “Oh, fuck yeah!”.
Joel sighs, “And you got everythin’ with you, kiddo?”.
Ellie turns to him and rolls her eyes. She’s clearly been asked this question over and over.
“Yes,” she sticks her tongue out, “for the hundredth time, I have all my stuff. Jesus, you're such a helicopter parent.”.
“I dunno”, Tommy grins, “I think he’s just compensatin’ for your ADHD, kid.”.
Ellie glares at him like he’s sorely betrayed her. At dinner a few weeks ago, Gail had mentioned that Ellie would've been diagnosed with ADHD pre-breakout. Tommy tried to explain to her what ADHD was for all of a minute, before Gail interrupted him and explained it ten times better. Ellie had stormed off, too overwhelmed by the idea of a normal life and having a behavioural disorder, and wouldn't leave her room all day. Joel wouldn't talk to Tommy or Gail for a week afterwards.
Joel smiles at the jab and shakes his head but Tommy can see he’s still got that anxious stiffness to his shoulders. Since Benji was born a few months ago, he’s realised it's a universal expression that comes with being a parent and it’s not just a Joel thing.
He looks at Tommy, “I’ll be back from patrol around four am. If there’s any trouble, I’ll have my radio on me and you can reach me from the fourth patrol channel.”.
“I know how patrol works, big brother. I help Maria organise ‘em.”.
Joel purses his lips, “I mean it, Tommy. You contact me if there’s any trouble.”.
Ellie scoffs, “Come off it, Joel. When has Tommy ever fucked up babysitting?”.
Tommy raises his eyebrows and cocks his head. Joel is amused in the vaguely irritated way older siblings usually are.
“He used to give Sarah ice cream before bed, I’m not sure I’d consider that ideal babysittin’”.
Tommy almost flinches at the mention of his niece. Before he came back to Jackson with Ellie, if Tommy even dared to mention her he got the world's most heartbreaking stare and the silent treatment to match. Mentioning Sarah has been off limits for twenty-one years and now Joel mentions her like it’s nothing. Sometimes Ellie mentions her, asking questions about what she was like or confidently asserting Sarah would like something if she was there to witness it. Her older sister that never was.
It's bizarre.
He clears his throat, “Fine, no ice cream before bed but she gets to stay up late. Deal?”.
Joel huffs, “As long as she goes to bed before twelve, then sure. If she goes to bed after twelve she gets grumpy the next day. Also, don’t forget she needs the hallway door open and a nightlight to sleep. And—”.
As admirable as Tommy finds Joel’s attention-to-detail when it comes to Ellie, he can tell his big brother is just stalling.
“Joel,” he smiles, “I know. Just chill out, big brother. I got this.”.
Joel exhales and Ellie is staring up at him with thinly veiled concern.
“I’ll be fine,” she says softly.
He brushes her hair from her face, “I know, baby girl.”
Joel looks down at her and Tommy can see his anxiety melt away. He gets the illogical urge to cry as he watches them huddled close, comforting each other. Joel has always called Tommy a softy and a crybaby as a point of teasing, but Tommy knows he genuinely is. It’s gotten him in trouble in places, especially after the breakout, but he’s held onto that part of himself for a reason. He refuses to let this world change him into something cold and unfeeling and he’s glad for it now. He’s got a family to love.
Tommy feels his throat closing up and he prays he doesn’t sound like an emotional wreck.
“Well then, let’s get this show on the road. Shall we?”.
Joel and Ellie look at him, look at each other and share a quick embrace, before Ellie takes a step forward to stand by Tommy’s side. It’s almost creepy how in sync they are. Joel flexes his jaw and nods at Tommy, eyes shining.
“You got this,” Joel says softly.
Tommy can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement.
“Yeah. You go save the world.”.
Joel chuckles and Tommy lights up despite his minimal effort to conceal his excitement. Before Ellie and Joel decided they were going to Jackson last year, Tommy hadn’t seen him smile for years. It feels good to have his brother back.
Joel doesn’t say anything for a moment, he just stares, frozen with indecision. Tommy is about to tell him to get going, before he pulls them both into a hug. He laughs, the wind knocked out of him, and wraps his arms around them too.
“Jesus, pull yourself together old man.” Ellie grumbles, all bark no bite.
Tommy laughs again, his chest light and warm. Jackson’s icy evening air doesn’t seem to penetrate their embrace. Joel presses a kiss to both of their foreheads and abruptly steps away. He shoves his hands in his puffer jacket, a habit Tommy knows he got from Ellie, and starts walking down the porch steps.
Ellie smirks mischievously, “Don’t die!”.
Joel simply gives them a thumbs up on his way out of the gate. Tommy is hit with the absurdity of the situation. All these dramatics for a one-night stay. That’s the Miller family for you.
“So,” Ellie swivels to stare down Tommy, “what’s for dinner?”.
Tommy doesn’t bother hiding his amusement, “Well, interestin’ that you ask. Maria has been slavin’ in the kitchen for the last few hours to make your favourites.”.
Ellie’s carefree persona melts away and her eyes light up in that way that only kids do.
She’s almost vibrating with excitement, “Veggie stew and apple pie?”.
Tommy grins, “Veggie stew and apple pie. Now come on, get inside before Maria thinks we’ve gone and gotten’ ourselves into trouble.”.
Ellie bounces on her feet, “You don’t have to tell me twice. Apple pie. Fuck yeah.”
Ellie doesn’t bother knocking on the door, she just waltzes in like she owns the place. Following their usual routine, Tommy shuts the door behind her because Ellie always forgets. He also reminds her to take off her shoes and she almost trips over herself trying to pry her old Converse sneakers off.
He waits to take his coat off until Ellie is ready to take hers off, a smile on his face. Once she has her shoes off and on the shoe rack, much to her chagrin, he hangs up her backpack and coat for her. Ellie always has trouble accepting help, and sure, sometimes Tommy is a little much with the amount he offers to help her. He just wants her to have an easy life. She’s done enough.
Once they’ve both stowed away their accessories, they shuffle down the hallway and into the kitchen. Maria is sitting at the dinner table with Benji in his high chair next to her; she’s trying to shovel applesauce in his mouth but he’s still having trouble keeping food in his mouth, so it dribbles down his chin. Tommy walks up to them, relishing in the warmth of the kitchen, and presses a kiss to their foreheads. Maria hums in response, still trying to shove a spoon in Benji’s mouth.
“Hey,” Ellie beelines for the seat next to Benji.
Maria smiles, “Hey, sweetie. How was school?”.
“Same old, same old. ‘Ellie you’re so smart but I really wish you would apply yourself more’." she mocks, wagging her finger in faux disapproval.
Tommy notices she always uses the same exaggerated voice to mock adults in power and it sounds suspiciously like Joel.
Maria nods, no longer phased by Ellie’s theatrics, “Right, and how are your new friends? Dina and Jesse, right?”.
Ellie huffs, “They’re fine, can I play with the baby now?”.
Maria gets up and grabs the baby’s bowl and spoon, “You don’t have to ask me, Ellie.”.
Ellie already has the baby halfway out of his seat before Maria can finish her sentence. Tommy almost offers to grab the dishes for Maria before he remembers the withering glare he got last time he tried to help. He’ll pass. Post-natal Maria is a beautiful force to be reckoned with.
“Oh,” Ellie coos, “aren’t you a little fuckin' badass.”.
Tommy takes the seat across from Ellie, watching contentedly as she plays with Benji. Maria was worried about her holding the baby at first. Joel told them FEDRA had the older kids take care of the younger orphans all the time, so Ellie’s had plenty of first hand experience with babies. Tommy likes to think Ellie enjoyed being put on those shifts. She has this energy about her that kids are instantly attracted to. Whenever she goes out she’s got at least five kids hanging off of her asking when she’ll have a snowball fight with them next.
Maria comes back to the table with a pot of stew, a block of butter and a loaf of sourdough bread.
“Dinner.” she says simply.
Ellie is asking for a bowl and cutlery within the second.
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“So,” Tommy throws another pillow on the couch, “we’re watchin’ Jurassic Park , I assume?”.
Ellie is surrounded by soft pillows and blankets, legs resting on the ottoman. She looks comfortable and at ease, a rare sight when it comes to the anxious, defensive little girl everyone else gets to see. It took a long time for Tommy to get her to feel this at ease with him. It took a lot of gifts, pet names, speeches, uncle-niece time and paired patrols until she was willing to trust him wholeheartedly. She still has days where the only person she'll trust is Joel, but that's to be expected after all the shit they went through together. Tommy doesn’t take it personally.
Ellie looks at him with one raised eyebrow, “Duh.”.
Tommy chuckles and dumps a stack of VHS’s off of the coffee table. He always puts them out whenever he knows Ellie is coming over. They always end up watching the same thing, but it's a nice thought that one day she might have a change of heart and not pick something they’ve watched a thousand times. He highly doubts the Jurassic Park fever will ever stop though. Sarah’s movie pick from age ten was 10 Things I Hate About You and she refused to watch anything else with him. Joel’s baby’s always have him wrapped around their little fingers.
So, if he can’t escape the Jurassic Park wormhole, Tommy hopes he can at least create slight diversity within the franchise.
He pulls a dusty VHS from the top of the pile. It doesn’t have Ellie’s space stickers that she used to claim her territory over the Jurassic Park VHS, so she recognises it as foreign immediately.
Ellie squints at him, immediately suspicious, “That’s not my VHS.”.
Tommy hesitates in reminding her that he found that VHS a few years ago to serve as a reminder of his younger days. It was his until it was hers. That’s how it is with kids, he supposes.
He dangles the new VHS in her face, “And you’d be right.”.
She swats him away and he wastes no time in shoving the VHS into the VHS player before she has time to protest.
He can hear her shuffling around the couch, “Hey! What the fuck are you putting on you traitor?”.
He turns back around to face her, a proud smile on his face, “You know the VHS store me and Joel found a few runs back?”.
Ellie smirks, “The one that’s an hour trek away and crawling with infected? The one that Maria told you was too dangerous to go to?”.
“Yeah, well,” Tommy lifts his chin, “yours truly managed to find the rest of the trilogy. I almost lost an arm to a clicker employee for that. You’re welcome, little lady.”.
Ellie jumps up from the couch, expression somewhere between distrust and shock. Tommy nods in definite confirmation. He knows he’s far too proud of himself for accomplishing such a simple task, but making Ellie this excited makes him feel like a good uncle. He can never make up for the way he failed Sarah but he can make sure he never fails Ellie. In the same way and otherwise.
Once she realises he’s not fucking around she spins in a circle, punches the air, snatches the remote from the coffee table and flops back onto the couch. Tommy is quick to join her, trying to get comfortable with the dozens of pillows Ellie demands they use every time she sleeps over. After a minute of fiddling, she manages to calm her buzzing energy enough to find the right buttons on the remote. When the iconic theme song starts playing she turns to him with a massive grin on her face. Tommy smiles at her, soft and warm.
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Tommy yawns, stretching out his arms. Ellie fell asleep three quarters of the way through the movie and she’s been snoring, surrounded by soft cushions and knitted blankets. He can't blame her for falling asleep, Joel told him a few days ago that she hasn't been sleeping well the last week. Nightmares.
He checks the clock and it's around nine-thirty pm when his radio crackles to life from the hallway. He groans and gets up from the couch, pretending he doesn't feel an ache in his lower back. He makes his way to the coat-hanger in the hallway as quietly as possible—Ellie is a light sleeper—and puts his coat on. He steps outside, the chill already nipping at his skin, and zips up his jacket. The radio crackles again and he hears a familiar voice.
“Tommy?”.
He can tell it’s Joel but the signal is iffy. He extends the antenna, brings the radio up to his mouth and presses the button.
“Hey, big brother.”.
He hears Joel sigh in relief and rolls his eyes. He’s always been a worrier. When Tommy was a teenager, Joel would call him every hour while he was at work and had to leave him at home by himself.
“How’s everythin’?”.
Tommy smirks, “You can ask how she is y’know?”.
He can tell Joel is rolling his eyes, a chronic Miller habit, “How is she?”.
Tommy wraps his coat tighter around himself, “She's fine. Fell asleep halfway through the movie, poor thing.”.
“The new one?”.
“Yeah,” Tommy peers in through the front window, “she must’ve been exhausted.”
Joel hums, “She’s been havin’ nightmares. Hasn’t been able to sleep.”.
Tommy frowns. Ever since they came back to Jackson, Ellie’s spent a decent portion of her nights screaming. The Jackson residents have gotten used to the fact, since most of them are also haunted by nightmares, but Tommy doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to hearing Ellie’s terrified shrieking from Joel’s house. Ellie and Joel moved into a place twos blocks down so they could all keep an eye on each other.
It also helped that Tommy didn't have to run 6 blocks to get to Ellie whenever she started screaming her head off after a nightmare. On his bad nights when he woke up from his own nightmares, he would be too disoriented to do anything other than think that Ellie was in danger and respond accordingly. Usually that involved running barefoot in the snow with a fully loaded pistol in hand. On those nights, Tommy would stay over after the drama died down, too paranoid to leave his niece, and Joel would have to put them both to bed. Maria and Joel started locking their doors at night after figuring out that Tommy would be too disoriented to unlock them. These days, Ellie’s nightmares are handled by Joel and Joel only as Maria drags Tommy back to bed.
“She’s been fine so far. Snorin’ away.”.
“Jesus, don’t remind me. She sounds like a fuckin’ chainsaw.”.
Tommy laughs, “She takes after you then?”.
“You know I don’t snore, you ass.”.
Tommy's laughter fades into a smile, genuine and warm. Joel goes silent on the other end of the line, but it’s a comforting silence. He can tell Joel is smiling too.
“I’m glad you’re lookin’ after her,” Joel clears his throat, “you’re doin’ a good job protectin' us, little brother.”.
Tommy feels his heart shatter at the reminder of Joel's words before Sarah died. 'Protect us.'. An ask, twenty-one-years-old and re-emerging.
He clears his throat, “Shut up, you big softie. Go do your thing and kill some fuckin' infected.”.
Joel snickers, “Yeah, okay. Stay safe.”.
“You too.”.
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Tommy startles awake to the sound of screaming. He doesn’t know where it’s coming from but he knows he recognises it. It’s blood curdling, like someone is being mutilated alive.
Ellie.
He scrambles off of his bed and reaches into his holster for a gun that isn’t there. Someone calls his name from the bed but he’s already halfway down the hall before he can process it. The screaming stops half-a-second later, but instead he can hear wailing from downstairs. He almost trips down the staircase trying to get to her. He skids down the hallway and rushes into the living room.
Ellie is curled into a ball, head in her hands. She’s very clearly trying not to cry but the sobs are tearing their way out of her chest. Tommy doesn’t know what happened, he just knows she’s in pain. He stands paralysed in the doorway, hyperventilating. He needs to get to her but he can’t rush. Ellie panics if you rush at her.
He attempts to clear his mind and managed to get his breathing under control. Ellie is sitting there sobbing the entire time, not having noticed him.
Out of nowhere she starts to writhe around and let out an anguished scream. Tommy ignores all common sense. He rushes towards her and falls to his knees in front of her.
“Sweetheart,” he can barely breathe, “I know you’re scared but I need you to look at me. It’s me—it’s Uncle Tommy. You’re safe, sweetie, I promise.”.
Ellie goes stock still for a horrifying moment before slowly lifting her head up. She looks so fragile, like she would break if Tommy made one wrong move. He tries not to cry too.
He reaches his hands out, slowly. She doesn’t flinch, so he gently cups her face in his hands.
He swallows, “What do you need, pumpkin?”.
She’s looking at him and her eyes are wide and frightened. They’re filled with tears and Tommy curses whoever let this happen to Joel’s little girl. Her lip starts to quiver and she jumps at him, pulling him into an airtight hug. She clings onto his shirt like he’ll disappear if she lets go. Tommy feels tears fall down his face and he buries his face in her hair. She smells like apple shampoo and soil.
“Oh, sweetheart,” his voice wobbles, “you’re okay.”.
He wraps his arms around her, a hand resting in her hair, thumb stroking the nape of her neck.
“I got you. You’re safe. I got you,” he reassures.
She’s shaking like a leaf in his hands and Tommy’s lip wobbles.
“Hey,” he whispers, as gently as he can, “can I pick you up?”.
She nods into his neck and Tommy lifts her up. He sits on the couch, Ellie curled around him like a young child. He has a vague memory of Sarah clinging to him the same way after her nightmares. He feels sick.
Ellie’s sobbing has stopped and her breathing has settled by the time Maria comes down to check on them. She stands in the doorway between the living room and the hallway, a half-asleep Benji in her arms. She looks at him, questioning. Tommy takes a deep breath and nods at her. 'Ellie’s okay.'. She looks at both of them and it’s clear she doesn’t want to leave them alone.
“She’s okay, baby,” he whispers.
Maria purses her lips and deflates, “Just lemme’ know if you both need anything.”.
She walks back down the hall and Ellie inhales, wet and shaky.
She pulls away, still curled up in his lap. She looks around as if she doesn’t know how they got there, pointedly avoiding his gaze. Tommy knows this routine. He’s done it and he’s watched Joel do it. Ellie always feels ashamed after her nightmares. Like she’s an inconvenience. Like this beautiful girl could be anything but a blessing for their family.
“Sweetie,” Tommy whispers, “do you want to talk about—”.
Ellie interrupts him, “Tell me something.”.
She’s not looking at him yet but she’s talking and Tommy knows that’s progress.
He had gone to Gail when Ellie first started having really bad nightmares. She wouldn’t go to therapy herself and Joel wouldn’t force her, so Tommy took matters into his own hands and got some advice from the town therapist. Gail wasn’t happy to hear that Tommy wouldn’t be attending long term for his own trails—she was quick to call out his “crippling PTSD”—but she couldn’t deny the bag of weed Tommy had dropped on her coffee table.
“Like what?”.
“I don’t know,” she buries her head back in her knees, “something about before.”.
Tommy’s heart constricts. He doesn’t talk about before the breakout. He’s barely opened up to being able to talk about Sarah. He hasn’t thought about twenty-six-year-old Tommy in years. The naive bastard.
He takes a deep breath, “I could start from the beginnin’?”.
Ellie half nods. Tommy ignores the way his heart pounds in his ears. He needs to ground her, like Gail told him. If she asks to hear from the beginning, then she’ll hear it. She needs this.
Tommy clears his throat, “My Mami, Verónica Perez, immigrated from Chile when she was ten and my Pa, Javier Miller, immigrated from Mexico when he was five. They met in nineteen-sixty-seven when they were both fifteen. Mami ended up given' birth to Joel that year.”.
Ellie peeks at him over her knees, disturbed shock evident on her face.
Tommy continues, “From what I know, my Pa was an angry cop and Joel always said Mami was one of those gentle religious women. Apparently, they were as in love as two people could be in spite of their hardships. They struggled and they had to drop out of high school, but Joel told me that they made do. Six years later—and semi-planned this time—Mami had me.”.
Tommy’s throat closes up and Ellie immediately takes notice. She lifts her head up and squints at him. Smart girl. Tommy clears his throat.
“She died that day. Joel never told me exactly why, only that it involved complications in childbirth. She was so young when she had Joel, it wrecked her. By the time she tried to have me, I'm guessin'…”.
Ellie doesn’t say anything but Tommy can feel her eyes boring into him.
“Anyway, Pa couldn’t handle it so we moved to Texas in eighty-three so he could work on the force and drink until it killed him. Joel was eighteen and I was only twelve, so he had to take care of me. Luckily, Pa had enough sense to leave us the house and a fair amount of money. Joel managed to get work in construction.
“And as smart as Joel is, he was still a fuckin’ rebellious idiot at twenty-two. He went and got a girl pregnant. To make matters worse, she was a Yale girl, studyin’ law, and Joel knew he couldn’t ask a Yale girl to give up on her future.”
Ellie scoffs, “I thought I was irresponsible.”.
Tommy chuckles at her. His hand has gravitated to rubbing up and and down her back at some point in the conversation and doesn’t seem to mind. She’s got her head resting on her arms instead of hiding away and Tommy’s thankful that he’s not rehashing all of these long lost memories and bottled-up emotions for nothing.
He tries to calm his heart rate at the thought of Sarah, “She gave birth to little Sarah and handed her off to Joel.”.
Ellie has a sparkle in her eyes, “Did she see Sarah afterwards?”.
He forgets how much she lights up when Joel talks about Sarah.
“No. They both decided it was best if she was no contact. I was twelve when Sarah was born and Joel had been raisin’ me since Mami died. His girl wasn’t ready for kids and Joel knew what he was doin’ on his own. It was a lot of pressure on him but you know how Joel is.”.
“Emotionally constipated?” she smirks slightly.
Tommy shakes his head fondly, “Yeah, that and stubborn as hell.”.
She shrugs and suddenly sobers. Tommy can tell she’s mulling something over in her head.
“Sarah,” she hesitates, “what was she like? Joel said she’d like me cause I’m funny, and I am funny, but he’s fuckin' biased.”.
“And I’m not?” he jokes.
Ellie shrugs, leaning her head on his chest, “I don’t know. Joel lies sometimes.”.
Tommy's chest constricts. He sighs and wraps an arm around her, “She did her schoolwork, she was into sports and she loved history. I let her drag me and Joel to every museum in Texas. Don’t get me wrong, she was a stubborn little girl but she was—she was an angel. I used to call her Angel”.
“Did she like puns?” Ellie asks.
Tommy chuckles, “She was a sarcastic little thing, if that’s what you’re askin’. Loved her snappy humour.”.
Ellie doesn’t say anything. He can hear her breathing becoming steady and her eyes are half-closed. Tommy knows he needs to finish up soon. Poor girl needs more sleep. Tommy's mind conjures a long lost memory of little, eleven-year-old Sarah curled up against him after her first day of middle school. A few kids had made fun of her answering most of the questions in class, seemed intelligence still wasn't in fashion, and Tommy had been on duty to pick her up from school that day since Joel was at work. She was sitting in the teachers office, fat tears rolling down her face. Tommy had to cuddle her the entire night for her to settle down. Joel and Tommy were always the only ones really there for her. She never made friends.
Tommy frowns, “She was sorta’ lonely. Always wanted a little sister.".
He looks down at Ellie, quiet and content in his arms. He imagines Sarah holding her one of her bad nights.
"She would’ve loved you.”.
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Tommy revels in the coffee mug warming up his hands. He's got gloves on but it's a cold day in Jackson. It’s windy and the air has a bite to it. The sun has barely come up, Joel only got back from his overnight shift fifteen minutes ago, which doesn’t help. Tommy couldn’t sleep after Ellie’s nightmare so he sat out on the porch. Joel caught him playing guitar with the heater out on the walk back to his place.
Joel huffs, “She say what her nightmare was about?”.
Tommy shakes his head, “Nope. She just wanted me to talk about somethin’.”.
Joel is leaning on the balcony, snow in his tousled beard and hair. Tommy almost chuckles, looking at how old his big brother is getting. He’s starting to grey more and there’s wrinkles showing up in the creases of his face. Tommy feels like he should be somber about the fact that his brother’s almost fifty-seven now, but he’s just glad that he made it that far.
He narrows his eyes, “What’d you talk about? ‘Cause I still remember that time you mentioned your wartime service to Sarah and I had to explain to her what war was; she wouldn’t stop crying for two days.”.
Tommy rolls his eyes, “She asked to hear about before the breakout, from the beginnin', so I indulged her.”.
Joel gives him a strange look, “From the beginnin’?”.
“I told her from Mami and Pa immigrating to America.” he sniffles.
Joel deflates at this. They haven’t talked about their parents in decades. They’ve had time to heal from their parents' deaths, so it’s not like it’s a touchy subject, but it feels like an entirely different life. The breakout was so life-changing that their life before feels, almost, irrelevant.
“She interested?”.
Tommy smiles, “Yeah. She wasn’t talkin’ much but I think she wanted to know the family she signed up to be a part of.”.
Joel sniffs, staring off into the distance, “Pretty shitty family history.”.
Tommy hums, “I dunno, big brother. We’ve had a good run.”.
Joel turns towards him, squinting. Tommy stares back at him with a smile, genuine and boyish. Joel's heart pangs at the reminder of a younger, more naive Tommy. He was a pain in the ass but it was easier for Joel to protect him.
“Thanks,” Joel clears his throat, “for tellin’ her. She’s never asked me.”.
“I’m right here, y'know?”.
Tommy laughs and turns around to see Ellie lurking in the porch doorway. Joel waves her over and she rolls her eyes before trudging to his side. He wraps an arm around her shoulder, and Ellie shuffles even closer.
“What are you doin’ up, sweetheart?” Tommy teases.
“I’m fifteen I can wake up whenever I want, asshole.”.
Tommy snorts and Joel pinches the bridge of his nose. Ellie has that satisfied smirk on her face she always does after pissing off Joel.
“You really gotta’ stop swearing at your elders, kiddo.”.
Tommy makes a face of faux disgust, “Elders? Lord above, I’m only fifty-one.”.
Joel sighs, “I’d consider that old with our family history.”.
Tommy should feel shocked or upset when Joel says it, but he doesn’t. He thinks, maybe, this is what healing feels like.
“I ain't old. If people age in Heaven then I'm miles young. People age in Heaven, surely?” Tommy asks.
“Jesus, I hope not. I don’t wanna see what I look like age two-hund—”.
Ellie tilts her head slightly, “Sarah would be thirty-five.”.
Joel looks down at Ellie, eyebrows furrowed. His arm tightens around her, not too much, but enough that it’s noticeable. Strangely, Ellie’s looking at Tommy as if she wants him to confirm the fact.
“Yeah,” Joel presses a kiss to Ellie’s head, “she would be.”.
Tommy looks down at his coffee, “She would’ve spoiled you and Benji rotten.”.
Ellie lights up at this. Joel looks at him with a half-smile.
“No need to get sentimental, little brother.” Joel childes, softly.
Ellie pokes him in the side, “Says you, old man.”.
Tommy watches them bicker as the sun rises over Jackson. Maria comes to stand in the doorway, Benji balanced on her hip, and looks at them with a soft smile. The sun begins to rise over Jackson, bathing everyone in a soft, warm, orange glow, and Tommy’s never felt so whole.