Chapter Text
Warning: I will go off course from what they really said or what may have happened, this is what I believe would happen, or I may use what has happened. Also, remember this is a Dazatsuya fanfic.
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Happy Pride Month!
"I-I'm really sorry!" Tanizaki yelled and slammed his hands onto the table. They were seated in a warm and cozy cafe, the lighting wasn't too bright or too dim, and the atmosphere was calm with quiet music in the background, seats laid out around the counter and tables and booths back to forth with another.
Atsushi and Kunikdia were seated near the counter where a waitress stood cleaning.
Dazai was sitting in front of Tanizaki, who had his hands planted onto the desk, head low in shame., Dazai sat there, confused by this situation in front of him. I know it was for a test, I was still really rude to you, I'm sort of an assistant here at the agency, my name is Junichiro Tanizaki, can you forgive me?" Dazai smiles awkwardly, "It's fine. Don't worry about it." While Atsushi and Kunikida were at the counter, Kunikida grew annoyed and started kicking Atsushi.
"He seems to be a nice enough person," Dazai thought to himself, taking in Tanizaki in front of him, Holding his hand out point to Naomi who sat next to him, "And this is-" Getting cut off by her jumping into a hug wrapping her arms around his neck, "His little sister Naomi!"
Dazai looked at the two in confusion, didn't understand what was happening in front of him, believing their relationship to be a strange one, "Y-you two are siblings? For some reason I thought you two had a different type of relationship."
"Oh, you think I'm lying?" Naomi asked as he moved her hand down from Tanizaki's face, "There is absolutely no doubt that we are siblings." She then placed her hand under his shirt, "The two of us are more similar than you think, right, big brother?"
"Wha? Hang on?"
"You leave this subject alone if you know what's good for you," Kunikdia said, standing next to Dazai, "O-ok," "Now listen here, kid, now that you have joined our ranks, you should try and act more accordingly, unlike some people here I could mention! I work to appeal to the agency's good name, we are all committed to that goal, well, at least some of us are, right, Atusshi?"
"What beautiful hands you have. Would you help my student commit double suicide, young miss?" Atsushi asks as he held onto the waitress's hand and stared into her eyes, Kunikida then ran up behind Atsushi and chopped him in the back of the head, "Were you listening to a single thing I just said!? My hands may not be as nice as hers, but I will gladly strangle you with my own two hands!" Dazai just smiles, watching this felt like home to him, this chaos was welcoming, he loved it, it wasn't dull anywhere near the people around him.
Kunikida was strangling Atsushi while the waitresses watched in fear. "I was wondering what you two were doing before the agency?" Kunikida had stopped strangling Atsushi. "Take a guess." "Huh?" Atusshi and Kunikdia were back in their seats like nothing had happened, same with Naomi and Tanizaki; they sat normally in the booth. "We've played it a lot, the newcomer will try and guess their colleagues' former occupations, think of it like training to be a private investigator,"
"Hmm," He looks at the siblings in front of him, looking them up and down and investigating what they wore, "I want to say that Naomi and Junichiro are students,"
"Woah, you got it nice one,"
"How did you figure that one out?"
"I was told you are at the agency part-time, and you're wearing a uniform, so there is a good chance you two are still in school, plus Junichiro and I are similar in age, it just made sense," Dazai smiles a small smile, feeling awkward from his answer
"Not half bad, Dazai, what about Mr. Kunikida?" Atsushi asks which causes Kunikida to spit out his drink, "Nobody cares what I used to be! Alright!" Kunikida yells slamming the drink onto the counter. Dazai sits there thinking, placing a hand to his chin, "Hmm, an official? Did he hold a government job?!"
"Almost, keep guessing, you're getting warmer,"
"Umm, police?"
"Getting colder,"
"A teacher?"
"Right on the money!"
"I was just saying that as a joke," Dazai thought to himself with a sweat drop, "He was a public school teacher, and for specifics, he taught mathematics," Dazai sat there imaging what Kunikida was like being a maths teacher, picturing Kunikida yelling as he stood in front of a chalk bored, slamming his hand agsint the board when someone got it wrong or someone was acting stupid. "I can totally picture that, actually."
"That was another life, I don't even want to think about it."
"What about me then?"
"What about you?"
"Yep, what about my job?"
Once again, Dazai places a hand to his chin, "Hmm, Mr. Atsushi, Mr. Atsushi." He looked back at the smiling man, holding onto his chair's back. Dazai mutters Mr.Atsushi a few times to himself, staring at the man who wore his smile normally, "I don't have a clue, not even an idea."
"Don't even bother, his former profession is a mystery to all of us," Kunikdia spoke, pushing the bridge of his glasses up. "Nobody has guessed it,"
"The person who figures it out collects a reward, isn't it?"
"A reward?" Dazai asked in confusion but curiosity, a prize could be anything, money, food, anything, which ends up boosting his curiosity about this prize that the person will receive if they can guess Atsushi's profession.
"Yep, that's true, and since no one has guessed right, it has skyrocketed."
"Skyrocketed?" Dazia's curiosity had spiked once again, "So how much has this reward skyrocketed?"
"Seven hundred thousand yen," Atusshi answered calmly, enjoying the excitement and curiosity coming from his student.
"Seven hundred thousand!?" Dazai repeated, flabbergasted by the reward money, which was such a high number he couldn't deny he wanted it, he then thought to himself of if he ends up getting that money, what would he do? Buy more crab? But he plans to die soon, so wouldn't the money be useless to him? He let out a sigh, not sure about the money, he wanted it, but the thought of it going to waste once he dies ran through his mind
"So is it really that much? No trick? I would get that much if I guess correctly?"
"A sucidie adoquit keeps his promises, "
"Alright, I'll guess!" Dazai spoke, getting fired up from the thought of gaining that amount of money
"He sure is getting fired up." Tanizaki spoke in concern for Dazai,
"There is no way he will ever guess it," Naomi spoke in a confirmed voice
"That reward will be mine!"
"Stockbroker,"
"No,"
"Writer,"
"No,"
"Office worker,"
"Nope!"
"Researcher!"
"Nuh, uh"
"Lawyer?"
"Nope!"
"Journalist,"
Atsushi makes a wrong noise
"Carpenter,"
"Nope,"
"Fortune teller!"
"Nah,"
"Pilet,"
"Wrong again,"
"Is he at least getting close?" watching him with a worried face, "No idea," Naomi held the same expression as Tanizaki.
"Model!"
"Nope, but that's very flattering," Atsushi then gives a small smile
"I bet he was just wandering around doing nothing at all," Kunikida spoke up, holding a cup in his hand as he leaned his elbow on the counter, facing away from the chaotic duo beside him.
"Nope, I would never lie about something like this." Dazai looked at him and blinked with a mutual face, "You've given up, right? Then you can be the one to pay the bill tonight." Atsushi then raised his hand holding a checkboard with a piece of paper attached to it showing his bill
Dazai groaned, looking at the bill in Atsushi's hand, "It's our agency's favourite restaurant, you can always start a tab if you don't have enough money on you." While speaking, a phone was ringing and could be heard echoing through the restaurant. Tanizaki then scavenged through his pockets and held a phone to his ear.
"Hello, this is Junichiro, year, ok, got it," Kunikida turned towards Tanizaki out of curiosity, "Is it a job?"
"Yeah, they are already waiting for us back at the agency," Tanizaki answered
"Well, let's get to work then," Atsushi spoke as he stood up from his seat, Kunikida following his lead, "Let's save the guessing game for another time, I assume that's alright with you."
Back at the agency, Dazai was seated in a dark brown chair with armrests on each side of him as well as Tanizaki seated in a similar chair beside him, and Noami leaned against the chair. Atsushi and Kunikida stood behind him.
In front of them sat a woman wearing a suit with blond hair that reached her shoulders, "So now then, you had requested an investigation, what manner of investigation are we speaking of?"
"She's really pretty," Dazai whispered, Atsushi noticed and chuckles he walked towards the woman and got onto one knee and grabbed one of her hands and lifted it up while leaving the other where it was but placing a hand ontop of it, "So beautiful, you remind me a lotus blossom all at once elagent and afemiral, would you do the honors of helping my student with doing a double suic-,"
Kunikida then hit him across the room, which had sent him into a door, "Allow me to apologise for the disruption, please continue on, I'll take care of this." Then the door closed behind him with Atsushi and him still inside.
Everyone watched with concern and small curiosity on what might happen until they heard loud slapping sounds, "What is wrong with you?"
"Please let me explain about my requests." The attention quickly switched to the woman sitting in front of them, "Oh! Of course!" Dazai is amazed by her attitude towards the circumstance that happened in front of them, "Wow, she is acting like this is perfectly normal."
"You see, there have been a bunch of CD-looking individuals lurking in the back of my company building,"
"Could you give me some more details?"
"They wear clothes that are very old and tattered, heard them speaking in a foreign language none of us can identify."
"If I had to guess, they sound a lot like smugglers," Kunikida emerged from the door with Atsushi still inside on the floor in groaning pain. Kunikida then shut the door behind him, "They are unavoidable and in a port town like this one, and with their numbers, the police can't do much to stop them."
"Right, if we had empirical evidence of their activities, we could shut them down for good, that's why,"
"You want us to find evidence for you? Right? Hey kid, you're on point."
Dazai stared at him, stunned. "Relax, it will just be a little stakeout job, smugglers are barely violent, so you just need to keep watch just in case they try and make a break for it, it's really the perfect first job for a rookie. Junichiro, I want you to accompany him."
"If my big brother is going, then there is no way I'm staying behind~!"Noami announced as she tackled Tanizaki from behind