Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the classroom is, for lack of a better word, hell. fire spirit stares at the wall aimlessly, the ticking of the clock’s hands serving as his only entertainment. class was always boring to him, there was nothing taught that would serve him any purpose in the real world. the animated voices of his classmates and the teacher’s instructions merely go in one ear and out the other. he doesn’t register anything, or rather, he chooses not to.

because he doesn’t care.

( nothing matters, anyways. )

or so he thinks.

“—did you hear that there’s assigned dorms for all the students?”

fire spirit can very vaguely hear the conversation between two of his classmates behind him. their hushed voices were quiet, yet loud enough for him to make out some words. annoyingly so. 

“no, what about it?”

“nothing much, really. just that every 2 students are to share a dorm. there should be a sheet on the class noticeboard with everyone’s dorm partners.”

…guess i should check that, fire spirit thinks to himself. he knows it’s going to be annoying having to live with a fellow student, but it’s not really his choice, anyways. dragging his feet along the floor, he walks towards the noticeboard. as his eyes fall to the sheet of paper, they scan the words. he skips past all of the terms and services, only to find the list of dorm partners; and notices his name—with wind archer’s name next to it.

no. it can’t be.

he does a double take.

nope, that’s definitely his name. shit.

( he shouldn’t care this much for someone who’s apathetic, but he did. )

( whatever. )

he brushes the feeling aside and pays no heed to it. he simply throws his books into his backpack messily and slings it on his left shoulder; making his way to the dorms. walking through the corridor, he can clearly see boxes lined up neatly. ( a clear sign that wind archer was already here. of course he was. )

this was going to be hell.

rolling his eyes, he kicked off his shoes haphazardly and headed towards the main living area; only to be greeted by wind archer standing in front of the couch. his hair was well-groomed as always, and he stared at fire spirit with those sharp eyes that felt like they were judging him. there was a moment of silence, like there was nothing to be said.

( there was, in fact, something to be said. )

wind archer’s eyes landed on fire spirit. he scanned the unkempt, shoddily-put-together husk of a student. how can someone like you be here? he thinks, but he doesn’t say. he wanted to judge, but deep down, he can’t. he only feels sorry for the latter. 

“so,” wind archer says, “i know this is going to be difficul–”

“don’t start.” fire spirit cuts him off rather rudely, raising his right hand up for extra measure. that pissed wind archer off. ( of course, he won’t show it. ) he simply doesn’t respond. but fire spirit notices—notices the slight purse in his lips, even if for just a millisecond. he makes a mental note, but does nothing about it. for now, at least. with that, fire spirit turns around and heads to his designated room. there was nothing else said between them on that day, because nothing was needed to be said. fire spirit stayed locked in his room, and wind archer tended to the duties around the house.

everything was always neatly arranged, always perfect. fire spirit had been silently observing wind archer’s habits around the dorm; the way he always wiped down every surface, the way he always rearranged the shelves and fridge after fire spirit left them in a mess, even the way he meticulously fucking labelled everything. ( labels are useful, but it gets to a point, man. )

and, of course, the way he somehow plastered a smile on his face through it all. but fire spirit could see past his stupid, stupid disguise. he could see the cracks forming, his resolve slowly but surely breaking day by day. the way he was so tired, yet still took care of everything around the house no matter how hard fire spirit made it.

( and he didn’t know if he cared that he was affecting wind archer like this. the bitterness in his heart was somewhat replaced, but was it worth it? )

when fire spirit next stepped out of the shared dorm, he noticed his shoes were neatly put on a shoe rack with wind archer’s next to it. they looked cleaner, too.

as he stares at them, his brain can only think of one thing.

why?

wind archer doesn’t have to care. he doesn’t have to keep cleaning up after him. he doesn’t have to keep tolerating his behaviour. he doesn’t have to give a shit about him. but he does.

why?

why, why, why?

picture perfect.

that’s what wind archer was. the perfect, stellar student. the responsible one. the one that everyone loved. the one that professors praised endlessly. the one who classmates fawned all over. and that simply didn’t sit well with fire spirit. students like wind archer were anything but human. flawless, perfect, like they had nothing to hide. like they had no flaws. like they were just a robot, tailored to meet everyone’s demands and fit into the mold they want them to be in. he stares at the boy sitting across from him, with his back straightened and his legs crossed neatly, as always.

wind archer doesn’t notice him; or rather, chooses not to. as the student president, he was far too busy thinking about whatever work he had to complete, or whatever duties he had yet to attend to. he is—visibly, but only if you can see through his disguise—extremely tired, and still meeting his obligations. he thinks that his perfect facade is exhausting to keep up, he’s almost sick of acting like he’s the role model, he’s the one everyone should look up to, like he’s flawless.  ( everyone had flaws—even himself. but nobody knew that; well, no one ever did, anyways. )

or so he thought.

what he failed to realise was that someone else knew.

fire spirit.

he knows that someone like wind archer had his faults.

( he’s the only one that can truly understand him, after all. someone who sees him for who he is. the only one who can look past the show he puts on for everyone to see. )

( no matter how hard he tried, nothing could protect his heart from being seen by fire spirit. )

and that might be a blessing ( or curse )  in disguise. 

—

the next few weeks were tense, to say the least. there were barely any words exchanged between the two. sure, they passed each other in the common room, in the classroom, and in the hallways; but nothing was ever said. they were basically strangers to each other.

it made sense, fire spirit would think to himself. no one of wind archer’s popularity would ever choose to associate with someone like himself.

but somewhere in his heart, he feels something — a stark contrast to the emptiness and numbness he usually feels — bitter.

he stares at wind archer from the back of the classroom yet again, so far out of his social clique — but somehow so close, almost in reach.

all he has to do is talk to him. and fire spirit wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

every time wind archer spoke, he made sure to always keep a composed expression, like there was something to hide. ( there always was. ) it would normally be hard to read him, but fire spirit saw right through it. every tiny furrowing of his eyebrows, every twitch in his eyes, every time he stared at him with those eyes. those cold, critical eyes.

it seemed like he cared more than he showed. but nothing more would happen between them.

until one night, when fire spirit found himself passed out on the couch at 1 in the morning. when he came to, all he was greeted by was the figure of wind archer standing over him. 

“where the– why am i here–?” the former can only ask as he tries to register what possibly could have happened for this to occur.

“you passed out in a club. someone told me, so i went to drag you back here” he responds rather curtly. ( that was a lie, well at least the second part was. )

his eyes, for a brief moment, soften.

and does fire spirit notice? 

always.

( but seriously, wind archer can’t let him know he actively went out to search for him, and then actually brought him back to the dorm. )

wind archer heads for his own room, not waiting for any reply from fire spirit; leaving the latter sitting there in shock.

there’s no way someone noticed me. much less told him to pick me up; unless...

it hits fire spirit, just about as hard as those drinks last night. a smirk crept up on his face. “oh, you’re such a bad liar, windy.” he whispers to himself, low enough so that no one but him can hear it. 

there’s something about finding out he cares that brings fire spirit much joy. something that he can’t pinpoint, but will eventually come to realise.

( maybe the next few weeks will come easier for them. )

—

fire spirit comes back to the dormitories for the nth time. he notices the way everything is neatly arranged, the way every dish and surface is spotless, the way wind archer’s room is so neatly arranged as compared to fire spirit’s, well, if you could even call it a room. that shit was barely a room with how messy it was—clothes strewn all over the floor, papers scattered everywhere, and the way nothing was ever in order.

( at least, he thinks. )

when fire spirit walked into his room, all he was greeted by was what seemed to be a completely new one. a clean, organised table, floors swept, bed made, and clothes probably already thrown into the washing machine. fire spirit can only stare at the neat, tidy room. and only one thing crosses his mind. 

seems like you care more than you let on, windy.

when wind archer returns, fire spirit is already there, lying on the couch. their eyes meet for a second, and fire spirit smirks at him.

“yo, windy! care to pass me a cup of water from the kitchen?”

the question annoys wind archer, especially with the use of the nickname, which he had given no permission for fire spirit to use; but he remains unfazed. he just complies and gets it for him. fire spirit can see the way wind archer gets ticked off every time he pushes his buttons. and he lives for it. as the latter hands him his cup, he simply stares blankly at him.

“must you be this annoying all the time?” wind archer bluntly asked.

to that, fire spirit has no response; because they both knew that the answer was yes.

“you’re truly insufferable.”

“aw,” fire spirit responds, voice laced with that kind of sweetness. “as if you’re not secretly dying for my company.”

“please. i’d rather die.” wind archer scoffs, turning away and heading to his room. and fire spirit swears he could hear the door slam just a little.

victory.

Chapter Text

it had been 3 days, and there was no sign of fire spirit.

( this wasn’t abnormal behaviour, especially for someone like him, but wind archer can’t help but feel a little worried. )

it’s not that he cared about fire spirit specifically ( that was a lie. ) but he felt like he had to take care of everyone, even if they were “hopeless” . it’s his duty, after all.

should he check where he might be?

should he even care?

( he might convince himself he doesn’t, but he knows deep down that he does. )

whatever. he just needs to focus on getting to class now. this issue can wait until later. ( or so he thinks. )

he feels restless. like there’s an itch in his brain, except this time, it was because of fire spirit. ( there wasn’t much difference anyways, both were a pain in the neck. ) of course, he doesn’t know it, and even if he did, he wouldn’t acknowledge it. he’d never care to admit his feelings—it’s just easier that way. the feeling of unease creeps in slow, but very surely. he shifts in his seat, his mind gradually drifting away from the present.

it seems so easy, so easy to detach, so easy to not give a shit, so easy to ignore fire spirit, but wind archer keeps coming back to him every time.

( he has to. he has to find him now. otherwise he wouldn’t be able to concentrate anymore. ) 

taking a deep breath, he raises his hand and asks to go to the restroom ( obviously, he’s allowed to ). his hands are clammy for some reason, but he ignores it. as he reaches, he swears can see a flash of red and orange hues flash in the corner of his eyes– but he couldn’t react in time. 

“boo!” fire spirit taunted, grabbing onto wind archer’s shoulders, much to the latter’s shock.

“what the f— what the hell man, i was looking for you; where have you been?” wind archer nearly jumps out of his skin, obviously startled; but he hides it—he always does. he had almost sworn, but managed to control himself just in time. 

“aw,” fire spirit says smugly, “miss me already?”

( god, he’s so annoying. )

wind archer doesn’t reply, but it’s written all over his face. he simply asks directly, again.

“where have you been?” this time, his tone was more assertive; and he made direct eye contact with fire spirit. the latter definitely felt his eyes staring into him. to wind archer’s credit, he could have definitely been harsher with his words, considering, well, his personality. he wasn’t the type to be patient; and fire spirit was no exception.

( or was he? )

fire spirit didn’t know where he had been. that was a lie; of course he knew. literally anywhere but school was better than going to this hellhole of a place. truth be told, he just wanted to avoid wind archer as much as possible. he doesn’t know why. ( yet, at least. ) with no words filling in the space between them, awkward silence soon did. fire spirit really didn’t know how to respond to wind archer, well, without making things complicated. the latter simply eyes him up and down warily and warns him.

“i’ll be back. you’d better have a response by tonight.” his voice was dull, lacking the usual, albeit very faint, warmth.

fire spirit felt guilty.

maybe it was because he had let wind archer down in a way; or just because he couldn’t even give him a simple reply. 

( seriously, how hard is it to just say something? )

( but it’s always harder than it looks. )

as he watched wind archer leave, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of hurt in his heart. regret wasn’t something he normally felt–yet he was experiencing it now. he thinks he should apologise, but could he even bring himself to do it? but then he remembered wind archer’s face—one of exhaustion. he was clearly very mentally drained from having to deal with fire spirit’s antics; and to know that the former was being affected by his own actions… it distressed fire spirit, more than he expected.

( maybe, just maybe, he should try to be a little less hostile. )

so, fire spirit decided to change his ways, for once in his pathetic life.

when wind archer steps into the shared dormitory, he is only welcomed by a seemingly empty apartment. as he puts his bag down, he walks into the kitchen—only to see fire spirit cleaning the dishes.

for a moment, he has no reaction—because he doesn’t know how to react.

“what are you doing?” he stutters a little, but manages to ask.

fire spirit only glances up from what he was doing.

“cleaning the dishes.” he states, like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“...why?” wind archer questions again, warily eyeing him up and down. fire spirit now turns his body to face wind archer, still cleaning the plate in his hand. “why not?” he responds, his face devoid of the usual smugness he usually wore. this time, it was replaced by a certain, more serious look; yet somehow carefree at the same time. wind archer stares at the plate in the other’s hand.

“you’re doing it wrong.” he points out, and instinctively goes to reach for the plate. their hands briefly brush against each other, fingers touching. a tense feeling lingered in the air for just a moment—but it was enough for fire spirit to catch. and he froze. wind archer, on the other hand, was completely oblivious; he simply continues washing the plate while explaining it to fire spirit.

doesn’t he have other shit to do? fire spirit thinks, debating whether or not to ask the other.

“don’t you… have other stuff to do?” he hesitates a little while asking.

“well yes, but if you’re going to do chores, at least do them correctly,” wind archer continues; “and i don’t care about time wasted. as long as it’s used towards something useful.”

useful?

he, or at least something involving him, was useful?

fire spirit had never heard those words before—well at least not used to describe himself. heck, he wouldn’t even call himself useful. the once exaggerated confident facadé he always put on fell.

it’s times like this where he noticed—he noticed his emerald green eyes, the way they shone, to the way he carried himself; to the way wind archer cared, even though he never said it directly. 

“...thank you.” he mumbles, just loud enough for the other to hear. and wind archer only nods in response. 

it’s good enough for him.

wind archer feels better. maybe it was because fire spirit wasn’t constantly being a pain all the time, or maybe it was because no one was annoying him right now. not even his classmates. the classroom was scattered with chatters from classmates having their own conversations; filling in the gaps of silence. wind archer sits with a book in his hands, staring at the pages blankly; but not registering any words.

and fire spirit decides to make his first move.

wind archer glances up—only to be greeted with fire spirit literally two inches away from his desk.

( wind archer is a little skeptical of him. but he lets him stand there anyways. because— well, truth be told; he still didn’t know why. ) 

“whatcha reading?” fire spirit drawled, each word cutting through the air like a knife. even though the conversations of classmates were noisy, wind archer had managed to drown them out. but he couldn’t ignore him. he couldn’t drown him out.

( of course, he didn’t know why. )

wind archer sits there, stunned. he couldn’t find any words to respond with. 

fire spirit noticed, of course. he noticed the slight changes in his expressions, the way his eyes twitched, the way he looked like a deer caught in headlights. the way his body tensed up, even the way he sweated a little—those little beads of perspiration dotting his forehead; fire spirit noticed it all.

he stares harder, letting the weight of his eyes settle on wind archer. and the latter can feel his gaze boring into him. he feels uneasy, he feels nervous—something unexplainable. wind archer avoids meeting fire spirit’s eyes. he doesn’t respond.

“aw,” fire spirit complained, “why so distant?”

“don’t—” wind archer starts.

“if you’re gonna be such a prick, save it for later.” he merely responds, tone flat as ever. his face remained neutral—annoyingly so. too flawless. too normal. that wasn’t the real him. and fire spirit knew better.

his words were controlled. too controlled. fire spirit watches, watches as wind archer blinks and resumes reading ( well, not really ) his book , not acknowledging his presence.

“leave.” wind archer demanded, his voice dull as ever.

no more words were exchanged. fire spirit simply took that as his cue and left.

( he felt a little hurt by wind archer’s words, but what else could he expect from someone like him? )

it’s 8:30 p.m.

wind archer hasn’t arrived home.

now this was rare; usually he would be back in the apartment by 8. but he wasn’t. fire spirit is a little worried, at this point.

at 8:37, wind archer steps into the dormitory—only to see fire spirit standing there, waiting for him.

they stare at each other for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was about 3 seconds.

“why so late?” fire spirit was the first to ask. to that, wind archer sighs.

“it’s none of your business.” wind archer responds, tone dismissive.

“c’mon,” he whines, “can’t you tell me?”

wind archer hesitates a little. “fine.”

fire spirit is satisfied with that.

“let me grab you a cup of water,” he says, rushing over to the kitchen. “you rest on the couch first.”

wind archer notices the way fire spirit’s eyes change—the way they immediately light up when he said that. and it gave him butterflies.

fire spirit sat opposite of him, and he can notice very clearly the exhaustion that was written all over wind archer’s face. 

“had a busy day? tired?” he asked.

“huh?” wind archer stared, clearly a little taken aback.

“i asked if you were tired.” fire spirit repeated, tone a little more gentle this time.

“...yeah.” wind archer responds, rubbing his eyes for extra measure.

( this was… oddly comfortable. there was definitely less tension than before. )

without any warning, fire spirit wraps a blanket around wind archer’s body.

“what are you doing?”

fire spirit doesn’t respond. he simply let the blanket rest on him.

“i have work to do, fire spirit– can you let me go–” before wind archer could continue, fire spirit interrupted him.

“no. you need rest.” he says; this time, sincerely.

“but–”

“no.” fire spirit simply ignores the other’s protests. wind archer, for once, doesn’t continue to fight back; and just lets him do his thing. he can already feel the weight of the warm blanket let him fade him to unconsciousness. until he notices—he notices fire spirit’s mind already drifting, already unconscious. half asleep, wind archer stares at him, analysing the way he looked; taking in every detail—from the way his body was clearly limp and tired, to the way his eyes were already shut, to the way his hair gently swayed in the breeze from the fan in the room.

wind archer had stared at him for so long that he almost didn’t realise that fire spirit was literally resting his head on his shoulder. 

oh my tree, he thought to himself.

his body tenses up. he didn’t know how to react—if he should just let him stay there or push him away. he feels conflicted, he feels a little scared; but most of all—he feels nervous. wind archer can quite literally hear his heartbeat race faster and faster; and looking at fire spirit only exacerbated his feelings. after much deliberation, he decides; to just let him.

wind archer doesn’t know why he keeps caring about fire spirit. he doesn’t know why fire spirit always keeps coming back to him, even after he rejected his attempts at forming a friendship rather dismissively. he doesn't know why he keeps letting fire spirit in. he doesn’t know why they keep doing this. he doesn’t know why they couldn’t just do their own things in peace. ( well, this was technically his fault, he was the one who started caring, after all. )

wind archer can feel himself drifting into unconsciousness, with fire spirit next to him. and it felt… different. not with the usual tense energy they had, but something else.

( maybe things will go in their favour this time. )

Chapter Text

the first rays of sunlight peeks through the curtains, stirring wind archer awake from his slumber. he stares at the wall for a minute before actually registering the fact that he was still on the couch. sitting there his half-conscious brain tried remembering the events of the previous night, but to no avail.

what happened yesterday…? he asks himself, but he can’t for the life of him recall. until he notices the very much still asleep fire spirit next to him; actually, more like laying on him. wind archer’s heart skips several beats when his eyes land on the other’s body. it was so close—too close. too close for comfort, at least for wind archer, anyways. he can practically feel himself heating up. he was now aware, far too aware for his own good; that fire spirit’s arms were wrapped around him. it was… uncomfortable, to say the least. but not in a bad way, just in a indescribable way. his eyes shift towards the wall clock.

6 a.m.

looks like he’s got work to do.

not wanting to wake fire spirit up, wind archer carefully moves his own body off the couch so as to not disturb him, and slips away from his touch. and he can swear he felt the former pull, even if for a split second. 

1 hour passes. fire spirit was still laying on the couch, sleeping. school was about to start in 30 minutes, and wind archer stares at his sleeping body, debating whether or not to wake him up. this was the latest time he’d ever been in the dorm—usually he’d just leave early to get to class. wind archer eventually decides to not disturb his slumber, instead opting to leave a sticky note that just said, “go to class.” simple and direct.

another hour passes. school was now in session, and there was no sign of fire spirit in class, as usual. the back seat was unoccupied, but no one bothered to check in, no one really cared—heck, no one even noticed. and that bothered wind archer a little. not because he cared about fire spirit—well, he did, just a little ( liar. )—but because that was just sad.

( he was, in fact, in denial. )

46 more minutes pass. fire spirit finally wakes up, only to a clean apartment and no wind archer in sight. he rubs his eyes, still not actually awake yet, but conscious enough that he can lift himself off the couch. he doesn’t know what he wants to do today; maybe aimlessly roam the halls? stare into space? anything but attending lessons, really.

then his eyes land on the paper. that goddamn sticky note; with wind archer’s pristine perfect handwriting on it. it was simply too hard to ignore.

go to class.

but god, fire spirit did not want to. every inch of his body was telling him not to. not to do it. the boredom, the misery, the pain was not worth it. so what did he do?

he did it anyways. for wind archer. because fire spirit wanted to see him—and the lengths he would go to for him were terrifying.

so, he throws together an outfit, deciding to make it considerably more tidy than usual. ( for wind archer. ) he proceeds to head to class, because no one really cared if he just walked in the middle of class—no one noticed him in the first place. as he took his seat, he felt wind archer’s eyes lingering on him for a moment, but when he looked up, his gaze was already averted.

how unfortunate.

was it going to be a game of avoidance again?

no. fire spirit wouldn’t let that happen. not on his watch.

the quiet of the classroom was unbearable, and wind archer can literally feel himself losing focus; until he heard the familiar footsteps of a certain someone—fire spirit.

( so he saw his note. good. )

wind archer stares at him secretly, scanning his look. he takes note that he actually cared to show up neater than usual; which was new. he can’t help but feel warm. it was glad that fire spirit was actually taking him seriously now. but he remembers the events of yesterday night.

tree, ignore that that ever happened.

but he couldn’t. he couldn’t ignore the way they were “just roomates”.

just roommates, huh?

roommates. that’s all they were.

but roommates don’t do this. they don’t fall asleep in each others arms. they don’t clean up each others messes—maybe friends do, but this wasn’t… “just friends” behaviour.

when wind archer stares at fire spirit, he can only think of how he makes him feel. how he makes him feel free. like how he could just escape from life, like how he unlocked a part of him that wasn’t previously there before.

( and tree, was that terrifying. )

it was scary to be dependent on one person; on anyone, really. maybe it’s the fact that wind archer was always the independent type, never relying on anyone, never needing anyone’s help, never getting too emotionally attached to anyone. but he can’t help but feel queasy—like butterflies in his stomach—when he’s around fire spirit. of course, he dismisses it as just nervousness. 

( yeah, right. ) 

classmates approach him every day, every period, talking to him animatedly. sure, they were nice; but they don’t make him feel this. they don’t treat him like a person—they put him on a pedestal. and that gets exhausting.

he could just leave, act as if nothing happened, but he found himself drawn to fire spirit every time. he, oddly enough, wants to leave, he wants to not rely on someone, in fear that they might hurt him, but he also doesn’t want to leave, he doesn’t want to lose apart of his soul. 

paradoxical. but what will he do?

he decides to run away. yet again.

fire spirit notices the way wind archer has been particularly on edge today, the way he’s been staring at him when he thinks he’s not looking ( even though it’s glaringly obvious ), the way he’s been zoning out all lesson, the way he’s losing his former self.

is that good? who knows; but it’s probably for the better.

he doesn’t make his gaze obvious. subtle glances are more than enough to let wind archer notice. he lets his eyes drift towards his general direction, staring at his hair that was always perfectly groomed.

( even until now, he still can’t bring himself to approach him now, even though he normally could be comfortable with him. it was different in the classroom, of course. he had a reputation, an actual appearance to keep up. it wouldn’t be wise to go up to him randomly. )

for now, he keeps his distance. 

after lessons, wind archer is unusually quick to pack his bag. fire spirit watches from afar, aware of the many students in his way. when he looks back again, all he sees is an empty desk. and no one in sight.

goddamn it.

wind archer is being distant today. annoyingly so.

you can’t just keep running away every time something happens between us. fire spirit thinks to himself, but focuses on locating where he is first. because fire spirit knows wind archer well; maybe even more than he knows himself.

where could he be?

another classroom? the student council room? the library? the dorms? absolutely not. wind archer knows better than to hide in places that he knows where fire spirit will go looking for him.

but fire spirit decides to go to every room in the school, because he will find him, no matter what. and he will talk to him.

taking his books, wind archer grabs his opportunity and leaves the classroom with hurried footsteps. not too fast, not too slow; but fast enough so that by the time fire spirit glanced back, he would be gone. he didn’t want to face him then, he didn’t want to feel weird. he wanted peace. and fire spirit did not bring peace.

( ignoring the time they fell asleep on each other, but that incident was already totally forgotten by wind archer. )

he didn’t want to acknowledge the already existing tension between them. he just didn’t know what to do. so he runs to a random, secluded, yet a little dusty classroom on the fourth floor, where surely no one would find him. or at least, that’s what he thinks.

casual.

but god, did it not feel so. every stolen glance, every awkward moment of silence, every time they quarrelled—it didn’t feel normal. every time wind archer cared enough to let his eyes fall on fire spirit for even a second. the way he desperately longed to break free from this prison that was his responsibilities and just escape with fire spirit. his mask was beginning to break. the cracks in his facade were not visible to the naked eye, but if you saw past his disguise, they were clear as day.

he sits at a desk in the abandoned classroom, making sure not to make a sound. taking out his books, he started studying—until he heard his voice. a very familiar voice.

he’d been caught.

“windy.” the tone was demanding, a stark contrast to how he usually acted.

wind archer froze. he didn’t know how to respond. his eyes hesitatingly drifted towards him, only to be met with his looming figure at the doorway. but he wasn’t close. even though the distance between them was only a few meters long, it felt like a thousand miles. it felt like they were on two sides of a broken cliff and there was no way to go across.

wind archer stayed quiet.

fire spirit, on the other hand, was staring—well, more like glaring; at wind archer. his arms were crossed and he simply waited for a reply. but none came.

“you can’t keep doing this,” he started.

wind archer still didn’t respond.

“you can’t keep running away every time something happens.” he continues, then he pauses.

“...why?” he asks, voice still calm and steady.

“what?” wind archer finally speaks up. he looks genuinely confused, like he himself also didn't know why.

“why? why are you always so distant? why do you keep pushing me away?” fire spirit almost yells, his tone becoming more unsteady—more desperate, more dejected than angry. his eyes had softened. he felt despair, probably because he really only wants to understand why wind archer was like this, and not blame him—but he couldn’t even give an answer.

wind archer couldn’t find a response to fire spirit’s question. he couldn’t even meet his eyes. he couldn’t bear to admit that it was his own fault.

“because–” he chokes, nearly in tears.

“i'm sorry. i’m sorry i can’t tell you how i feel– because i don’t even know if i know why.” he says, and it was clear that his mask had fallen off.

“but,” he continues, still choking on his words, “i– you make me feel–” he pauses, “something. something unexplainable. and i don’t like it.” wind archer finally spat the words out, the words that he had held in for so long. ( albeit not directly, but it was the closest either of them had come to confessing. ) he was so preoccupied with what he was saying that he hadn’t even realised the tears were already flowing. wind archer couldn’t say anything after that, he could barely hold himself together right then. his composure had been broken, thanks to fire spirit.

he was crying. and fire spirit was left speechless. he didn’t know how to react.

“huh?” was all he could ask; but wind archer was already having a breakdown and shaking, and all fire spirit could do was be there for him. he sighed, taking a seat beside him and hugging him.

“it’s okay.” he simply says.

“you don’t have to be sorry. i’m here for you.”

and they just sat there, for a while; until wind archer could feel better.

Chapter Text

2 hours had passed.

fire spirit was still holding a very inconsolable wind archer in his arms. he could only stare at him while he was crying his heart out. the silence in the room was incredibly deafening; but for once, there was much less tension than normal. as wind archer choked on his tears, he tried to speak.

“fire spirit, can i tell you something?” he stutters, clearly struggling.

“yeah?” fire spirit says softly, their eyes meeting for a moment before wind archer sat up, directly facing the other now.

“i can’t do this anymore– we can’t be friends.”

the tension was incredibly heavy in that moment—the way wind archer’s words were like dropping a ticking time bomb on fire spirit, the way there was pin drop silence after his words, the way fire spirit stared at wind archer in disbelief, frozen in place, and the way wind archer didn’t look back at him.

“why?”

“i think it’s best that we part ways. i’m sorry.”

“...but why?” fire spirit asks again, his voice more desperate and concerned than angry.

to that, wind archer didn’t reply, and his eyes averted the other’s gaze. and fire spirit literally felt like wind archer’s words were like a punch to his gut. the pain was immense, and it was definitely his turn to cry now—but he didn’t. it’d only bring wind archer who was already in a bad state of mind even more anguish, and of course, fire spirit didn’t want that for him.

( it’s funny how fire spirit always puts wind archer first, even though he really deserves to be comforted too, huh? well, it’s not like he had anyone to listen to him, anyways. )

wind archer can’t bear to meet his eyes. he feels guilty—the same guilt fire spirit felt when he couldn’t find an answer to him. the silence in the room was palpable, tense and quiet. neither of them moved for a while, just sitting there, but like they were not together. they were close, but they felt so far apart. ( it was probably for the better, anyways. ) wind archer got up to leave, and as he turned his head around to give fire spirit one last look, he can see him staring right back at him—staring blankly at him; well, more like through him—but his eyes were devoid of any emotion; just void black.

and it sent shivers down his spine. 

but he ignores the feelings and simply takes his exit.

“we can’t be friends.”

fire spirit replays the scene over in his head for the thousandth time. he doesn’t think. he can't think. the emptiness in his head took hold, swallowing him whole. this didn't feel real. his head hurt. everything hurt. he lies in his bed, staring at the ceiling. it's been exactly 1 day since they stopped talking, but it didn't feel like it.

why do i even try?

but he makes up his mind. he's giving up.

god, i hate you too.

when wind archer returns to the classroom, he feels off. like something is different—but he can't pinpoint it. he doesn't notice at first. of course he doesn't. fire spirit, surprisingly, attended class today. but not with the same energy, not with the same personality, not with the same look. his expression was unreadable—in the way that you couldn't tell exactly what he was feeling—but it certainly didn't look positive, not in the slightest. he wore an apathetic mask, simply hiding his suppressed emotions. the hoodie he wore was creased even more than usual and a little stained, and his hair was forever messy, clearly not combed.

this was not like him.

and wind archer can't help but notice. it takes him by surprise, of course. but he doesn't care.

( or so he thinks. )

he can't concentrate. he feels bothered, but he already made a promise to leave. there was no going back not; well, that's what he supposes.

and yet, wind archer still finds his eyes wanting to drift back to fire spirit—but he always stops himself.

( moving on is hard for everyone, of course. it's only day 2, he's sure he'll be able to let go soon. )

but they were just excuses. excuses, because he couldn't bring himself to accept the reality. the reality that he fucked up. he couldn't even communicate with fire spirit properly, damn it. but it's too late now, too late to go back and undo his choices, too late to fix their relationship.

no one knows him.

no one knew that under all that perfection and the flawless image he showed, stood someone who was deeply flawed. it's interesting, really. he can't open up to people, he can't let anyone in. it's terrifying to be known. maybe that's why he pushes people away when they get too close. he's tired—in the way that no amount of sleep could fix. he's mentally exhausted. he can't bring himself to keep up this facade any longer; but he has to. it's not a choice.

deep down, he wants to go back. he wants to undo the past. he wants to be given another chance. but he couldn't. a small tear runs down his cheek, leaving a stain. but he doesn't notice. he doesn't care for himself, anyway. the stain remains.

and fire spirit notices, notices before anyone else. he stands there, not knowing what to think. 

should he care?

he shouldn't— doesn't care. yeah. he really doesn't care.

but there was hesitation in that thought. the slightest hesitation, a crack in the mask he wore. he shows no visible reaction. but his heart aches for just the slightest moment.

you idiot.

the glances between them had stopped. no words were exchanged, either. it's like they went back to being strangers all over again. it hurt, actually. but neither of them would admit it, or even accept it. 

fire spirit had locked himself in his room. he still pulled his weight around the house, of course, but nothing else was needed. and wind archer just went back to his regular routine—studying and school duties. the air was always tense, even when only one of them was home. like there were unspoken words waiting to be spat out, but never set free. they would actively avoid each other, never being in a room together. never talking. 

it's day 3 of this— whatever this was. 

fire spirit finds himself in his room yet again, staring at the walls. it's 1 am, and he can't sleep. he also can't stop thinking about him, but he was going to ignore that right now. anything was better than this, actually. he misses the past, how they were, but he also really doesn't want to forgive so soon. he can't forget so easily, he can't get over how betrayed he felt, how hurt he felt. 

( this was wind archer's fault, goddamn it. and he wasn't going to go back until he made it up to him. )

fire spirit feels the hours slipping by. but he doesn't care, letting time pass him. he doesn't even have the will to take care of himself, or go to school right now. all he needs is a damn escape.

he doesn't care.

he doesn't care.

but he does. 

he finds himself still caring after all this time. he wants to move on so badly, he wants to let go so much; but he can't. he doesn't think he's ever felt worse, whether it be physically or mentally. and goddamn it, it hurt. reality didn't even feel real. he felt disconnected from the world—like his body wasn't his own; and the world became more blurry and felt imaginary.

nothing mattered. 

wind archer, on the other hand. found himself buried in his schoolwork deeper than ever. that's just how he coped with life, he supposes. work was a distraction from the bitter reality he was facing.

except now, it wasn't working. he tries to concentrate; but he catches his mind drifting to the thought of fire spirit—and how much he had hurt him—dammit.

he'd fucked up badly—and he wasn't sure if it was reperable this time. his head drops to his hands. frustration filled his bones, like a nagging feeling that would not go away until it was dealt with—like an itch that desperately needed to be scratched; except wind archer was definitely not going to address the issue any time soon, and it seemed as if fire spirit wasn't going to either. he felt a wave of guilt, anxiousness, and numbness all at once. the kind that faded quickly, but always came back. the urge to apologise, to just say he was sorry was strong. this could all be over if wind archer just gave a probably long overdue apology, but his pride ( or whatever his ego was ) wouldn't allow that. 

dropping the pen he was holding, wind archer paused whatever work he was doing in that moment. he was certainly not in the right state of wind to do work now. he collapses onto the bed, curling up into a ball.

this is his fault.

for tree's sake. it's his fault. why couldn't he just respond like a normal person? instead, he had made the worst decision possible and consequently lost his ( probably only ) chance.

so why couldn't he just fix it?

why was it so hard?

why couldn't he communicate with fire spirit properly? that's his friend; he should be able to talk to him like a human—except he couldn't.

( he keeps making excuses for himself, trying to avoid any confrontation. but he knows soon his own lies would catch up with him. )

ah, confrontation. it was the worst thing in the world for someone like wind archer. he had never been good with confrontation—which eventually lead to this. a picture–perfect identity to prevent any possible questions coming his way. conflict stressed him out, of course—in the way that he couldn't physically handle it. any question from anyone felt like an interrogation, like they were waiting for a blind spot to stab him in the back.

wind archer's terrified. terrified that fire spirit might hate him– well, he probably does, anyways. but he's even more scared of being known. he's terrified of letting his walls down. scared of the possible criticism that could hit him once people see the true him, the real him.

fire spirit's head hurts. the throbbing pain in his head was immense, probably a sign that he was heavily sleep deprived, or maybe it was from all the stress he was facing lately. either way, he's been feeling out of reality lately, like he's a separate being. he feels detached. not just from life, not just from reality, but from everyone—well, he's never had anyone, either way. not until he met wind archer—but he was losing him now, too. life felt hopeless sometimes, and this was one of those times.

it wasn't even fire spirit's own fault. but it sure felt like it.

but he would never admit that. deep down, a piece of him was missing, having left the moment wind archer did too.

maybe if he hadn't been so fast and quick to make a move, things would be better.

fire spirit can't help but blame himself.

he's not even supposed to care right now. and yet, he finds himself caring.

he cares. too much.

he doesn't want to care.

and he hates wind archer for making him feel this way.

after that day when wind archer told fire spirit that they couldn't be friends, he swore that they would never talk to each other again. it started out small—no more glances traded, no more small talk and teasing during recesses. no more even hanging out in common areas.

the distance between them was growing exponentially. it hurt so much, for some reason. especially for wind archer. yeah, sure, he was popular and anyone else could probably replace fire spirit's presence on the surface; but there was something about him specifically that drew wind archer's attention. maybe it was the way he was just so carefree, so unaffected by school life.

he was free.

and wind archer envied that. that freedom just attracted him like a moth to a flame.

wind archer ( not so ) secretly wishes they could go back to what they were. but for now, they had stopped interactions altogether.

back to square one it is.

Chapter Text

one week passes, and there hasn't been any sign of fire spirit. it's like he erased himself from wind archer's life completely—like he just… disappeared without a trace.

( maybe it was for the better..? )

wind archer finds himself back in class yet again. he's almost gotten used to his usual routine before he met fire spirit—thank tree. but it still felt wrong.

( it felt like there was just something wrong—like a flaw in the code, like a missing puzzle piece; like that itch that you can feel, but can't relieve. )

wind archer found himself tempted to glance back at fire spirit's desk, even though he knows that it's empty. even though no one's there. even though no one else cared enough to stare as much as he did. after class, he stood before the vacant desk. his gaze was fixed on that desk. fire spirit's desk; and he didn't even know how long he was standing there for. as he stared, he noticed all the little details—the indents and scratches in the desk, pencil markings from someone who must've been bored, even the little drawings in the corner.

every bone in his body was screaming for him to do something, anything.

but he chooses not to.

he simply takes a deep breath and walks out of the classroom.

as wind archer walked down the hallway, he can't help but feel… off. the nagging feeling gnaws at him, unrelentless and unforgiving. but he doesn't get why. after all, he doesn't care about fire spirit— he couldn't care less about him. he doesn't care. yeah.

he doesn't care.

he doesn't—

( he does. )

oh, well. he ignores it anyways. he also doesn't return to the dorm that night—rather, he chooses to stay with his friend, sea fairy.

it's late when wind archer knocks on the dorm room's door. but a tired sea fairy cookie opens the door to let him in anyways. at first glance, she notices the drenched figure—belonging to wind archer—in front of her. his eyes were visibly droopy and tired; probably an indication of his mental state.

“wind archer cookie?” sea fairy cookie asks, wearing a more confused and concerned expression rather than an angry one. the former gave no response, simply staring back.

“i need your help with something.” he says, flatly.

he sat on the couch across from sea fairy. the uncomfortable silence in the room was thick, waiting for something to cut through it. and wind archer would provide that.

“so… i think i have an issue.” he hesitates, then continues. “do you know how to deal with missing someone?”

“...is this about who i think it is?"

“answer my question.”

“it's fire spirit, isn't it?”

“well y— but that's not important.”

“i mean, i can help you with that too, if you need.”

wind archer didn't have to give a response. a nod was all the confirmation sea fairy needed. 

“okay,” she starts; “what happened?”

this prompted wind archer to retell the events of the last 4 days.

“—so i might've screwed up.”

“might've? that's putting it very lightly. you're basically fucked.”

“…so what can i do about it?”

“i personally think you should apologise to him. i mean you did hurt his feelings. but you should probably fix your communication issues first and talk to him properly.” sea fairy said, her tone laced with a hint of sarcasm and seriousness. “and if you're asking how; just talk to him directly. he's an understanding guy. im sure he won't be angry at you.”

ouch, that hurt. but she wasn't wrong.

“that's true, but how would i do that? where would i even start? i can't even find him right now, he's literally gone.”

“just go look for him. there's only so many spaces where he could hide from you.”

“...i understand. thanks, sea fairy.” wind archer nods in reply. with that, he took his exit.

fire spirit cookie leaves his room, for the first time in a couple days, maybe even a week. the dormitory is as clean as ever—why'd he have to make it so neat and tidy?

whatever. he needed a break. a break from everything. his current objective: take a walk. strolling through the pathways lining the ever-expanding campus gardens, he notices the green leaves—oh god, green. it didn't help that they were leaves—falling around him. it was like everything reminded him of wind archer—from the spick and span dorm, to nature, dear god, even the campus itself. everything tied back to him.

he can't escape, can he?

fire spirit's breathing starts to get heavier and faster—his vision blurry. it felt like the walls were closing in on him—and he needed a way out. now.

idiot.

idiot.

idiot.

he returns to his room—this time, not in one piece—or at least, mentally. he takes his time to calm down, to let it out.

5 hours pass. it's 10 p.m. wind archer has not returned.

stupid.

what else was he expecting? what else could he expect from from the guy who literally said that they couldn't be friends? why would he come back? 

fire spirit finds himself lying on the couch yet again, dorm in a mess—because why would he clean it?—he barely had the capacity to take care of himself. but he continues to wait.

fire spirit notices before he acknowledges the very obviously wet wind archer standing in the doorway. it takes him a while to fully register that he was there—albeit not really properly dressed—but he still showed up.

( well, it's not like they were talking; anyways. )

fire spirit glances at wind archer; and the latter glances back. their eyes meet for just a moment; yet still enough to triple the amount of tension that was already in the room. they didn't speak to each other. and fire spirit could see the lack of emotion in the others eyes—and he could feel a twinge of pain in his heart. wind archer's heart was unmoving.

( or at least, that's what he thinks. )

he feels almost nothing looking at the state of fire spirit at first, simply… pity. he takes his leave.

they didn't talk that night, obviously. well, they hadn't been for the past few days. it wasn't a shocker. but this was their first vague interaction in these days. but nothing would change. at least, that's what they thought.

fire spirit can only think of one thing. fuck.

he was absolutely fucked.

it was one thing to piss off a guy that was literally in a gang. it was another to get challenged by the exact same guy to a fight. and unfortunately, it seemed like he was not going to be winning this one. wasn't that the consequences of his actions? but it wasnt like he had committed a crime—he had literally just accidentally bumped into him.

man, people are way too sensitive these days. fire spirit thinks to himself; but then he remembers what that guy had reminded him.

“2 p.m. meet me in the hallway.”

well, if i just don't go, im sure i'll be fine! fire spirit thinks to himself.

one issue: the guy was in the same class as him.

fuck it.

so yeah, he couldn't exactly escape. but he would put up a fight.

wind archer can see fire spirit look visibly nervous. that's… something. but he pays no heed, of course. he has his own shit to deal with first, at least. fire spirit, on the other hand, was absolutely not prepared for a fight.

2 p.m. arrives.

he stares down the hallway. 

no quitting now, he guesses.

10 minutes later, he finds himself just slightly bloodied and bruised. you know, it could always be worse—but fire spirit was not the best sight for sore eyes right now. mainly because his face literally had a huge bruise on it, and his body had seen better days, but oh well! he stood before his opponent, knees weak, blood smudged on his arms and face, but still standing.

wind archer, meanwhile, was attending a council meeting. he felt… weird. he tried to stay focused, but goddamn it—his mind always drifted back to fire spirit. his gut feeling was telling him to leave—to find fire spirit—and whether he would listen to it was another thing. ignoring it was no use, it kept bugging him.

maybe it was time to disobey. just this once.

and that gut feeling would prove itself right.

wind archer excused himself from the meeting room, citing a made up excuse on the spot. and he ran out of that room as fast as he could.

wind archer hurries towards the corridoor—only to be greeted by a huge crowd gathered in between the lockers. it looked like a big commotion, and lots of people were either whispering or recording. his first instinct was to blend into the crowd, after all, he needed to see what was happening, too. he stares through the people, his eyes scanning the scene—and they land on fire spirit. wind archer's eyes go wide—but internally, he wasn't that shocked. a wave of emotions hit him—none of them which he could pinpoint right then.

fire spirit cookie?

wind archer cookie stands in the crowd, unmoving; a stark contrast to the others who were whispering, recording, or god forbid, cheering. and fire spirit instantly feels his body tense up at wind archer's presence. he himself doesn't acknowledge, but his mind does. it only takes a minute for him to notice, and only immediately after does he stare at the green figure. and wind archer stares back. ( he does. of course he does. ) in that moment, it was like everyone else had disappeared and it was just the two of them.

he almost freezes in that moment—wind archer's stare was piercing, like he could see through him. any distractions were not needed right now, and wind archer definitely wasn't helping with that.

but he manages.

the latter, however, was simply stunned.

what the fuck.

he doesn't even want to question how this happened or what fire spirit did. wind archer wasn't angry nor disappointed—it was more like, shocked, or something more neutral than negative. he does, however, need to help. however much he doesn't want or however uncomfortable he felt, it was necessary to help fire spirit. but all he could do then was stand there in stunned silence. whatever emotionless facade he wore cracked a little, probably bound to come off later.

the crowd cleared, and fire spirit was still pretty fucked up.

( no one is shocked. )

before he can react, wind archer grabs his arm and runs back to their dorm. fire spirit, dazed and slightly confused, didn't protest. the latter kneels down, tending to his bloody wounds. wind archer finds himself wrapping a bandage around fire spirit's knee, yet saying nothing. silence filled the room. but this time—less uncomfortable. 

“i didn't think you'd come back.” fire spirit chuckled, a tiny smirk forming on his face.

“well, i did,” wind archer sighs, “you're such an idiot.”

“you're no better.” fire spirit retorts.

“and how so?”

“you keep avoiding me.”

silence followed.

“so,” fire spirit starts. “do you have anything to say? and don't act oblivious because i know that you know.”

“honestly— i just want to say,” he pauses, “that i like you, goddamn it! i'm sick of hiding it, i really do like you—and i'm sorry for ignoring you and avoiding you, i just didn't know how to cope.” in that moment, his facade came crumbing down. wind archer's mask of apathy fell off, and he buried his face in fire spirit's shoulder.

“i want to be with you. i love you.”

those were the only words fire spirit needed. that was his confirmation.

“you idiot. i love you too.”

“i'm your idiot.”

fire spirit keeps waiting for someone that has failed him time and time again.

fortunately for him, wind archer doesn't disappoint him this time.

finally. they were together. they embraced each other, melting into each others arms. they found comfort in each others company.

isn't that the beauty of love?