Chapter Text
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Therapy
Archie encouraged Emma to implore to his fantasy, as he believed it would be the easiest way for Henry to understand. Regina wasn’t in total agreement with this, but as their son’s dislike of them spending time together was so heavily rooted in his belief that Regina was the Evil Queen, she begrudgingly agreed that it wouldn’t hurt to try. They, of course, were not going to explain the true depth of their relationship to Henry just yet, however; Archie thought it would be wise to use the word ‘close,’ as it would be nearest to the truth without overwhelming the boy.
After working out that Emma would try to explain to him, as delicately as she could, what it really meant when Henry said he wanted her to ‘defeat’ the Evil Queen, she would then go on to explain that good people have to try to do the right, the honorable thing, and that perhaps ‘defeating’ Regina in that manner wasn’t the way to do that. The Mayor sat, as poised as ever, during this entire conversation, trying not to let on that it was setting her teeth on edge, as it was suggested that Emma explain to Henry that love was the only weapon that could truly conquer evil.
Emma nearly choked on her own breath after that statement.
“But I don’t love her!” she insisted loudly, her eyes growing as large as saucers at the implication. Regina could see all the muscles in Emma’s body tense, as though she was preparing to jump out the damn window just to escape this conversation if it continued. For someone so insistent on having a real relationship, it seemed endgame scared her quite badly. Either that, or perhaps Emma was frightened of Regina’s reaction to what the blonde seemed to believe was some kind of accusation.
“No, I didn’t…” Archie tried, looking very uncomfortable as he nervously fiddled with his glasses. He glanced at Regina as well, perhaps trying to gauge if she had the same reaction as Emma, but all he was met with was an impassive stare and a raised eyebrow. It didn’t bother her, since she knew what it was Archie was implying in the first place, and it wasn’t that they were in love.
What was bothering her, however, was how this solution was only furthering Henry’s belief in the Curse that was, unfortunately, actually real. Even if it did get him to be alright with what was going on between them, it was counteracting all the months of therapy Regina had put him through in the process. Dr. Hopper was supposed to be getting Henry away from this delusion, not immersing him in it more. But what else could they do, when the child’s entire belief system was wrapped in it? If they tried to speak to him like two normal adults, he would probably shut down even further. It was absolutely maddening, and Regina hated feeling so trapped in the insanity of it all.
“I merely meant,” Archie continued, shifting his gaze back towards Emma, “that in the world of fairytales, there are things such as ‘true love’s kiss’ that can counteract any evil curse, therefore I believe the overall general rule of ‘love conquers all’ is embedded in this fantasy world he has created for himself. But love is not always romantic; there is a mother’s love for a child, love for one’s friends…”
“Oh,” Emma responded, now looking a little sheepish at her reaction as she glanced over towards Regina, sinking a little further into the couch as if the shame-filled movement counted as some kind of apology for her overreaction. “Okay. Uh… yeah, I can do that.”
All in all, the conversation about Henry only took up about half of their session. At least ten minutes of that time, however, did consist of a rather heated argument. After a while, Regina found she was unable to keep her silence any longer and demanded why in the hell it was important that Emma speak to her son first, which then made Emma snap that Henry was their son, and it took a little while until Archie had them both calmed down enough to explain why he thought the order in which they spoke to Henry would be pertinent to his acceptance. Regina still found she wasn’t happy with it, but was glad that at least Archie implored that she speak to him about it in a normal fashion, so that way Henry would at least be able see the reality of their relationship beneath the fantasy of good vs. evil.
Balance, apparently, was the key to getting Henry to be okay with it after his delusions of fairytale characters eventually subsided with age.
Coming to a solution over this should have set both women at ease, but knowing what was coming next in the last half hour of their session only stood to make them both tense up when Archie began, “Now as I understand it, you both have some relationship issues you’d like to address?” He looked between Emma and Regina, who had purposely sat as far away from each other as they could on the couch once they had gotten there, knowing they would probably need space once this part of the session came about.
Neither woman spoke for a long time. Archie did not push them, merely watched them take tentative side glances towards one another before, finally, Emma was the one to break the silence. “We kind of suck at talking to each other about what’s going on.”
“In general, or between the two of you?”
To Dr. Hopper’s credit, he had refrained from judgment after being requested to do a session with the two of them. Regina believed he might have the nerve to be cocky about it, as it was he who had suggested early on that there may be an emotional attachment between them, but he never once spoke about it or acted as if them being together was anything other than natural. It did make things easier, however the topic at hand still set both women on edge. Neither of them felt entirely comfortable about having their relationship dissected, but perhaps it was something that was needed, as they both seemed so utterly inept when it came to including a romantic interest into their broken lives.
It was Regina who confirmed, “Between us.” She had the urge to fidget under Archie’s gaze but contained herself, as she was not the type to show how nervous a conversation of this magnitude made her. “We sort of… fell into this, so to speak. Neither of us were expecting it to turn out the way it did, and now that it has, we’re uncertain of what to do about it.”
“I see,” Archie commented. He sat further back in his seat, his fingers idly drumming his pen in the air before he cleared his throat. “As a point of interest, how do each of you classify your relationship to one another?”
“She’s my girlfriend,” Emma said, without even taking a moment to think about it. Regina scoffed at the term however, and Emma turned to look at her, irritated disbelief etching over her features. “Oh my god, don’t even tell me you’re going to sit there and act like you’re not when you were the one who said we were in a relationship first.”
Regina’s brow creased in irritation at Emma’s tone, which made her answer sound rather condescending when she spoke. “Of course not, I just find the term rather juvenile. We’re not in grade school, Emma.”
The blonde rolled her eyes. Just the fact that they were having a conversation about their relationship seemed to set them both on edge, as it didn’t take a lot to provoke sarcastic banter. “Oh, I’m sorry, what do you want me to call you then; my lover, my partner?”
Regina just raised a pointed eyebrow at her before turning to Dr. Hopper and answering his previous question and Emma’s all at once with the simple phrase, “She’s mine.”
Despite Emma’s aggravation at Regina’s ridiculous insistence that she shouldn’t use the term ‘girlfriend,’ hearing her words did make her face soften in remembrance of the night they first made love. She smiled.
“That seems rather possessive,” Archie noted, making careful effort in keeping his tone neutral so it didn’t come off as being judgmental. “I wonder, Regina, if you feel this way because of the… uh,” he seemed to struggle with the right word for a moment before deciding on, “BDSM undertones, I suppose, that your relationship had when it began?”
“Oh my god you told him what we did?” Emma exclaimed, looking at Regina like she must have lost her mind for talking about something of that nature with someone as relatively innocent as Archie Hopper. “You could have talked about it without mentioning our kinky power play, for shit’s sake! Nobody needs to know about that.”
“I merely said that our sex was violent, I didn’t go into details,” Regina shot back, not enjoying being looked at like she did anything wrong. “But thank you, dear, for confirming that we have a clear dominant and submissive in our sexual relationship. I’m sure that was terribly needed for Dr. Hopper’s assessment. Which, by the way,” she continued, turning back towards Archie, “if you were implying what I believe you were implying, you would be wrong; Emma is the dominant one, not me.”
“Interesting,” Dr. Hopper responded. He apparently didn’t expect that and began to scribble something down on his clipboard.
Emma groaned, covering her face with her hands as she sunk further into the couch. “Our sex isn’t the problem,” she muttered, looking as if she wished to just die where she sat. “Can we please talk about something else?”
Emma’s reaction to the turn of conversation intrigued Regina, as she didn’t think the Sherriff would be this shy when it came to her sexual exploits; but, then, perhaps she was only hesitant to speak about them because she was doing them with her. The thought made Regina’s face sour. Emma had once accused Regina of being ashamed of her, and it would be terribly hypocritical now, if that were the case with this.
Archie, however, did not heed Emma’s request. “It’s been noted that sometimes when a couple participates in power play in the bedroom, that in the relationship the roles actually switch. Has this been the case with you both, or are you on equal footing?”
Emma still looked as though she were trying to slow the onset of a headache, so Regina answered for them after taking a moment to think about it. “I do, actually, seem to have a bit more control in that area, yes.”
“Emma, would you agree with that?” Archie asked, trying to get the woman back into the conversation. Emma sighed, but eventually sat up, seemingly a little better now that they were actually speaking of their relationship and not what they did in the bedroom.
“Regina’s bossy,” she told him. “So obviously she’s going to try to call the shots whenever she can.”
“And you let her?”
Emma merely shrugged, however did look a little apprehensive about whether or not she was actually supposed to. “Yeah, I guess. It’s just easier that way.”
“And why is that?” Archie prodded, the first sign that he was trying to get underneath Emma’s skin and find out how she really worked. The Sherriff seemed to sense that and she fidgeted in her seat.
“I don’t know,” Emma mumbled, her eyes looking anywhere but at him. She took a moment to formulate her answer before she spoke again. “I guess I’ve just always been pretty bad when it comes to the relationship thing, so it’s just easier if I let her handle it.”
Regina snorted, causing the attention to fall on her once more. “And you think I’m any better at it?” she asked Emma, looking at her as though she had gone mental. “My last relationship was—” before you were even born, she almost said, but realized at the last minute how that would sound, “well over a decade ago.”
“Yeah well my last one was with Henry’s father,” Emma reminded her. “And that turned out… less than ideal.” She shrugged, running her fingers through her hair self-consciously. Exhaling a long sigh, Emma continued, “I don’t know, I guess I just figured that you were the most capable one in that aspect. Maybe I was wrong, and that’s really going to suck if that’s the case because I’m really, really horrible when it comes to this stuff.”
“You’re not horrible,” Regina told her, not even thinking of her response before it was voiced out loud. Emma’s eyebrows rose at her assessment and Regina found herself flushing lightly against her will, not particularly fond of the attention she got from Archie at her words, when they were only meant for Emma. But she finished regardless, wanting Emma to know, “You… well, you say all the right things. It’s something I’ve come to appreciate.”
Emma smiled softly at that admission, as she knew there was a time when Regina practically begged her to stop talking, as her words made her feel things that at the time she didn’t want.
“Do either of you think it’s possible,” Archie began, looking over his notes for a moment before shifting his eye contact between both of them, “that the reason you don’t talk to each other about your relationship is not because you can’t, but because you both believe you don’t have adequate experience in order to form a valid opinion on the subject?”
Neither woman answered, prompting Archie to take that as an affirmative to his theory.
“There is no right or wrong when it comes to how you feel about your relationship or how you wish to see it progress,” he told them patiently. “It’s only a matter of finding what works for both of you; expressing both your contentment and your concerns, and finding a way to come to a solution that benefits the both of you.”
Archie sat up a little straighter in his seat as he finished, “So I am going to ask each of you, one at a time, to express something you are content with in your relationship, and something you are concerned about. Emma, I want to start with you.”
Emma apparently didn’t believe she would be chosen first and the question made her uncomfortable. Her lips turned down into a frown, but she didn’t fight Archie’s choice, as she probably knew it would just lead to another pointless argument. “So you want me to say one good thing and one bad thing?” she asked, making it seem like she wanted to double check even though Regina could tell she was merely stalling. She was fidgeting in her seat, unable to find a comfortable position when she felt so utterly exposed.
Archie nodded that her assessment was indeed correct.
Exhaling a long breath that puffed out her cheeks in almost a comical manner, Emma continued shifting her position on the couch as she drummed her fingers against the leather. “Uh, okay. A good thing… well, I guess that would be that she invited me on a… okay, I don’t know if it was ever meant to be a romantic weekend alone, but that’s what it turned out to be and it was…” she smiled in remembrance and the sentiment echoed on Regina’s face as she watched her, “it was really great. I’ve never done anything like that before.”
Archie’s eyebrows rose at that information, apparently not expecting that their relationship had already reached the point of romantic weekends alone. If truth be told, half the time Regina was surprised it had too; more so that she had been the one to suggest such a thing in the first place. It was completely unlike her, but it seemed when it came to Emma, deviating from the norm had become somewhat of a routine.
After a moment’s pause, Archie inquired, “And a concern?”
Emma pursed her lips, her eyes shifting to Regina momentarily before her gaze trained on the ground in front of her. The admission was nothing more than a mumble, as if she was almost ashamed to admit that something they had both agreed on really wasn’t working anymore. “The whole secret thing is starting to suck a little,” she said, talking more to the floor than the two other people in the room, “plus it’s fucked us over one too many times now.”
Regina’s mouth pressed into a tight line at Emma’s words. She knew, logically, where the woman was coming from; first Sidney, then Al, which had preceded the icing on the cake of horrible situations: Gold. In truth, it probably only was a matter of time until people found out of their own accord. But as they were only going to admit to Henry that they had grown closer, Regina feared ‘coming out’ to the rest of the town. If their son was to overhear the true nature of their relationship from idle gossip, it could prove to be rather disastrous. They needed to take things slow.
“That’s something I’d like to get back to,” Archie responded, before slightly gesturing with his pen over towards the Mayor. “But before we do that, first I’d like to hear your answers, Regina.”
Regina’s eyebrows rose, having expected they would discuss Emma’s issue first. Apparently that was not the way Dr. Hopper wanted to do this however, so she let out a long breath as she sat back against the couch, crossing her left leg over her right. The position made her feel more composed as she hesitated for a moment, thinking on her answers.
“It’s been quite a long time since I have felt close to anyone,” Regina began tentatively, eyebrows knitting as she tried to put her feelings into words. There was another pause as she made a point to pretend as though there was no one else in the room, as Regina realized it would probably be the only way for her to feel comfortable enough vocalizing what it was that she felt. “I didn’t really believe I was capable of it anymore. Emma proved me wrong and, I don’t know why, seeing as there is probably no fathomable reason why I should ever do so… but I seem to trust her rather implicitly. I feel safe with her.”
Regina didn’t need to look over at Emma to know that she was smiling like a fool at her words. Not wishing to color in embarrassment, Regina made a point to push onwards to the concern she had. “However,” she continued, “I believe Emma dismisses the things I have done to her in the past, because for her it’s easier to act as though they didn’t happen than to address how she could still feel things for me after the countless amount of things I have done to her. I don’t think suppressing that is healthy and it’s probably going to end up being a problem later on.”
Emma’s smile faded in an instant, a defensive look crossing her face. “What the hell is wrong with you; do you want to get into a fight?” She threw out her hands in a gesture of furious disbelief, unhappy with the fact that Regina felt the need to bring something like that up when they could have just gone on ignoring it forever. “For Christ’s sake, Regina, why can’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because you can’t just lock stuff away in a box and throw away the key; it doesn’t work that way,” Regina snapped, not enjoying being spoken to in such a tone. “And excuse me for not wanting to spend the next few months or years or whatever wondering if you only care for the person you’ve made me into, not the person that I am.”
“What the hell is so wrong with wanting to start with a clean slate?” Emma demanded, her eyes darkening at the argument the topic provoked. “And obviously I do like the person you are, most days anyway, and maybe I just—wait,” she faltered for a moment, allowing Regina’s words to sink in, “did you say years?”
Regina’s face reddened of its own accord. “That’s hardly the point,” she bit back, not realizing what it was that she had said until it had been pointed out by Emma. Now she felt a bit foolish and presumptuous, considering both of them were so convinced it would end at some point that the prospect of it going on for so long was probably utterly ridiculous. “So perhaps you could allot me the favor of putting your childish need for a subject change aside for a moment, and actually focus on what the hell it is we’re discussing.”
“If I may…” Archie tried, but his words fell on deaf ears as the two women continued to glare at one another.
“Oh I’m the one that’s childish?” Emma snapped, looking at Regina like she was being terribly hypocritical. “You’re the one that can’t ever let anything go!”
“Facing one’s issues is the mature thing to do, but seeing as how you’ve made a point to do nothing but run away from your problems for the majority of your life, I don’t know why I’m surprised that you wouldn’t be aware of how skewed your perception of childish behavior is.”
Emma’s mouth dropped open in offense. “Oh, fuck off—!”
“Please!” Archie pleaded loudly, his hand slapping down on his clipboard to get their attention. Once he had gotten it however, he did look a little sheepish for raising his voice. “I’m sorry, it just seems that you both are getting a little off track.” Before either of them could protest to that however, he quickly continued. “Starting with a clean slate is not necessarily a bad thing.” Emma shot Regina a triumphant look, but it was quickly wiped from her face when Archie finished with, “But if it’s not agreed on by both people in the relationship, it could stand to do more damage than good.”
Regina raised a pointed eyebrow in Emma’s direction, causing the Sherriff to scoff, infuriated over being proven wrong.
“Emma,” Archie addressed her, his tone much softer so as to not make the woman feel like she was being attacked. “While I do understand why you would not want to, it seems your unwillingness to talk about it is only causing Regina discomfort in the relationship. If the positions were reversed, would you want her to dismiss your feelings?”
Emma scrunched up her face in annoyance as she folded her arms across her chest. “No,” she admitted, albeit a little grumpily. Emma really hated being wrong, probably as much as Regina did. It was that observation, and that observation alone, which prevented Regina from throwing her victory in her face. Eventually Emma sighed softly, relenting, “Fine, we can talk about it. But it has to be on my terms.”
“And what, exactly, are your terms?” Regina asked, propping her elbow up on the arm rest of the couch as she peered at her curiously. Emma clearly did not want to do this in therapy, which then made her wonder what the entire point of coming here even was. But in the end it was probably no matter, as Emma was at least agreeing to speak about the subject.
Emma shifted her eyes for a moment, looking a little embarrassed to answer. “I’ll tell you later,” she responded, her words coming out in a mumble. Regina read through the lines fairly easily and she looked at Emma in disbelief.
“You want to ruin sex by having a serious conversation in the middle of it?”
“No,” Emma replied, looking a little disgruntled at Regina voicing that out loud. “I want to make the conversation less painful by including something fun. It’s a totally different vibe.”
Regina rolled her eyes at that. “If you say so, dear.” Though it wasn’t the most preferable of circumstances, at least they had come to a middle ground. That was more than Regina was expecting, given how persistent Emma was about not wishing to speak about such matters.
“Relationships are about compromise,” Archie said, nodding his approval over their terms even though they probably weren’t something that should have been voiced in front of a third party, “Which brings me back to Emma’s concern, Regina, and how you plan to compromise with her on that matter.”
Regina turned her head around to face him so fast that she nearly gave herself whiplash. “Excuse me?” Her eyebrows were raised almost to her hairline. “There is nothing I can do about it. It’s not as though I’m overly enjoying the secrecy either at this point, but I don’t want Henry hearing about our relationship second hand. He already believes we’re both liars and he’ll be furious with us if he finds out we purposely chose to use a word that was misleading.”
Emma was starting to look uncomfortable and shifted in her seat. “No, I didn’t—when I said it was a problem, I didn’t actually mean I wanted to do anything about it. I was venting my frustration, but I get why we can’t. It’s not a big deal…” She was imploring her words to Archie, even though Regina knew they were really for her. Emma really didn’t want to get Regina upset with her over this, as it seemed she didn’t expect them to sound like she needed their arrangement to change.
“Have either of you ever gone on a date?” Archie asked suddenly, causing them both to falter momentarily.
“With each other?” Emma questioned, looking a little perplexed by the change of topic. Archie nodded, but it was Regina who answered him.
“Of course not; we can’t be seen in public together like that.” She spoke to Archie as though he were an unfathomable idiot for even asking in the first place, considering what they had just been talking about.
“Unless you both feel the need to participate in public displays of affection during a date, I don’t see why it would be impossible,” Archie told them, momentarily fiddling with his glasses. “To an outsider, you would merely seem like two people spending time with one another. You could enjoy each other’s company over dinner or what have you, like you would with anyone during a date, and then conclude your evening in the privacy of your own home.”
Emma stared at Regina. Regina made a point to keep her eyes trained on Archie however, trying to ignore the hopeful look that was starting to grace her lover’s face at the possibility of having a bit of normalcy introduced into their lives.
“I just believe it might be helpful to your relationship’s evolution if you allowed yourselves to indulge in something other than the sexual aspects of it.”
“I took her to my cabin for the weekend!” Regina protested, not wanting that gesture to be dismissed. That was more than just sex, obviously.
“Yeah, but how often are we going to be able to do that?” Emma asked her softly, as though she almost felt a little bad for speaking the truth. “Look, maybe it’s stupid but I… I’ve never really done the whole normal date thing, and I kind of…” But she trailed off, unable to finish. She looked rather self-conscious all of a sudden, as though her desire for something normal was perhaps a foolish notion, given who they were.
“You want to,” Regina finished for her. Emma pursed her lips, shrugging lightly through a half-nod. Her hesitation for finally voicing that she did, truly, want more, caused Regina to exhale a long sigh. She knew this day would come, and perhaps she was foolish for thinking they could put it off for a little while longer. Time didn’t stand still; at least… not anymore. And if Regina wished to keep what they had, she had to stop fighting against the clock.
“Okay,” she relented softly, after a few beats of silence. “I’ll take you out, if that’s what you want.”
“Really?”
Surprise washed over Emma’s features, but it quickly made way to a small smile that Regina realized she always wanted to make grace the other woman’s face. It truly was strange, the place they had found themselves in, but perhaps it only felt that way because neither of them was used to having any semblance of happiness, let alone believed they would find it within each other.
And so when Regina answered her, despite knowing that it might not be the wisest thing to do, she still did so with a smile and the confidence that it at least would strengthen her relationship with the one woman she found she couldn’t stay away from.
“Of course, dear.”
TBC…