Chapter Text
It was an unusually sunny morning, and Judas and Mary were in bed still. Jesus had risen with the sun, and pressed a kiss to his still-dozing companion’s foreheads before he changed clothes and ventured out on a morning walk, as he liked to do when the weather was fine. Neither Mary nor Judas were particularly fond of mornings.
“You know it’s been a year since we met,” Mary said as they lay in bed.
“No, it hasn’t,” Judas laughed.
“It has! We met a few days before Jesus’ birthday, and that’s in three days,” Mary replied.
Judas rolled over to face her. “It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.”
Mary nodded. “It feels like it’s both been forever, and the most fleeting of moments.”
Judas sighed and flopped onto his back. “Time is weird.”
Mary sighed. “It is. But I’m glad I get to spend this time with you, and with Jesus.”
“Me too,” Judas beamed. “Speaking of Jesus, he should be back soon,” Judas mumbled.
“Before he returns, I wanted to talk, actually,” Mary said, her tone more serious than before.
Judas sat up. “Is everything alright?”
“Oh, yes, everything’s fine! It’s about Jesus’ birthday,” Mary replied.
“What about it?” Judas asked.
“I was hoping we could do something to celebrate it.”
Judas nodded. “I was going to make a cake, and see if I could prepare one of his favourite foods for supper. If the weather is decent, maybe a picnic in the olive grove? And maybe see where things go from there.”
“That does sound lovely, but not quite what I had in mind,” Mary said softly.
“I’m afraid I cannot read minds, especially at this hour," replied Judas.
Mary sighed. “I’ll go straight to the point. I am hoping we could have sex.”
Oh.
He should have known a conversation like this was coming; he and Jesus had been together for just over a year now, and with Mary for a quarter of that time. It still took him by surprise.
“That’s not quite, um, what I expected,” Judas stuttered and turned bright red. “I think Jesus would like that. But… I’m not ready for that just yet. I’m s–”
“Don’t you dare apologise,” Mary interrupted. “I want to make sure you’re included in this.”
“Right now, if anything is beyond what we currently do… I don’t really want to be included,” Judas mumbled. “But that shouldn’t stop you. If you both want to do that, I genuinely don’t mind.”
Mary hummed. “Would you want to be there? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but I understand if it would still be too much,” she said.
“I think it’s something that might be a possibility in the future, if we build up to it. But not now,” Judas said quietly. “I think it’d be best if I’m just not there.”
“Judas–”
“Mary, it’s okay. You want that, right?” he asked.
A nod.
“And we know it’s something Jesus wants?”
Another nod.
Judas shrugged. “So long as we can still do the things I want to do, that’s alright.”
“Are you absolutely positive?”
“I am. Your happiness and Jesus’ happiness matter,” Judas stated.
“Thank you, Judas,” said Mary. “One day I would like to do it with you, though.”
“I hope so,” Judas whispered. He did want it. Just… not yet.
“I assume you want it to be some sort of surprise for Jesus,” he stated.
“Maybe. I’ll think and let you know.”
…
“Good morning old man,” Judas mumbled as he pressed a kiss to Jesus’ cheek.
“What did I do to deserve being called that?” Jesus grumbled.
“Turning thirty, for starters,” Mary laughed, as she ruffled Jesus’ golden hair.
“I’m not thirty , ” Jesus mumbled incredulously.
“Yes you are!” Mary said in a sing-song voice.
“Did you seriously forget your own birthday?” Judas asked.
“It doesn’t feel like it’s been a year,” Jesus said in disbelief.
“I thought that too,” Judas said. “But it has been. Now, shall we get up? We have plans.”
“You want to be up? What happened to you, Judas?” Jesus chuckled.
“I mean… we can lie in and cuddle for a little while longer,” Mary said.
“That would be nice,” added Jesus.
Judas rolled his eyes. “For you then, birthday boy.”
…
‘A little while longer’ turned into most of the morning, which unfortunately left Judas without time to bake the cake he had planned. He didn’t mind all that much, because it meant they got more time to hold onto each other in the warmth of the bedsheets.
It was early afternoon when Judas dragged them out of the house, and the trio walked through the streets. Judas had packed a bag full of food, and briefly stopped to purchase one of the honey cakes Jesus liked since he didn’t have the time to make one himself.
“What are we doing?” Jesus asked.
“I thought an afternoon meal in the grove might be nice,” Judas said, and flopped down onto the patchy grass. It was dry, but had been warmed by the morning sun, and thankfully the wintery breezes had held off.
“It will be,” Jesus smiled, and sat down next to Judas.
Judas glanced over at the man beside him, and was filled with a rush of affection. Jesus looked the most rested he had been in months, his golden hair caught the sunlight, and his blue eyes sparkled with mirth.
Hopefully that would continue when they left Kerioth in a few weeks’ time.
“Figs? Really?” Jesus wrinkled his nose as he noticed the fruit Judas pulled out of his bag.
“They’re my favourite, don’t worry, I’m not going to make you eat them,” Judas laughed. “However, these are all yours,” he added, as he passed Jesus a parcel of dried orange fruit.
“Apricots? They’re not in season. Judas, how?”
“I bought them a while ago, dried them myself. They’re still good, I checked,” Judas smiled.
Jesus beamed. “Thank you, Judas.”
“I also have procured something!” Mary exclaimed, as she pulled a small bottle from her own bag. “It’s not much, but it’s the closest thing I could get to home for you.”
Judas leaned over to look at the bottle Jesus now held. “How did you get wine from Galilee?” he asked.
“Not just Galilee. It’s from my brother’s winery,” Jesus said softly.
“I was able to barter for it. When I saw the man selling it in the market, I knew I had to get it,” Mary replied.
Judas shot her a look. "Don't worry Judas, it didn't cost much, and I used my own funds," she sighed.
“You’re both far too kind. I don’t deserve all this,” Jesus mumbled.
“I seem to recall you telling me that I only deserve ‘good things’. You know that applies to you as well, right?” Judas said, as Jesus leant into him, resting his head on Judas’ shoulder. Judas pressed a kiss to the honey-coloured hair, and Mary entwined her hand with Jesus’.
“We want you to have a good day,” Mary whispered.
Jesus looked up at her. “If I am with you both, any day will be a good day,” he sighed happily. “Now, I think it might be good to actually enjoy the meal you’ve gone to the effort of organising. Did you bring cups?”
Mary and Judas met each other’s gaze and shook their heads. “I thought you’d want to save the wine for a special occasion,” Mary admitted.
“I didn’t know about it,” Judas added. “I can run back to the house and get some?”
“It is a special occasion. And don’t bother, we can drink from the bottle,” Jesus laughed, as he plucked a dried apricot from the plate before him.
…
With bellies full of food and wine, the trio lay contentedly beneath the trees. Everything seemed so simple, so peaceful. As much as he loved their ministry work, moments like this were hard to come by. Judas wasn’t sure if he was ready to go back to life on the road. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Mary sit up slightly, resting on her elbows. She raised her brows at him, and Judas nodded.
“Jesus?” Mary said. “I’ve got something else planned.”
Jesus looked at her quizzically. “Oh?”
Mary grinned. “Come on, it’ll be back home.”
Judas watched Mary help Jesus to his feet with a small smile.
“Judas?” Jesus asked, and turned around to face him, after Mary had led him a few steps away.
Judas waved them off. “I will see you at sundown.”
Jesus still paused. “It’s alright. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you soon,” Judas insisted.
As the cream and gold figures retreated, he gathered up what was left of their lunch; the tiniest scrap of cheese, a small piece of bread, and a few dried figs. He bundled the food back up into a cloth, it wasn’t enough for a meal, but would suffice as a snack.
He picked up the discarded wine bottle; a tiny amount of the red liquid still resided inside. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the stopper anywhere on the ground, and he couldn’t exactly walk through the streets with the open bottle. He’d feel terrible for pouring the last mouthful out. Judas had never particularly enjoyed drinking like most of the Twelve; the cheap wine they could afford was simultaneously sour and bitter. Judas would always dilute it to the point he could barely taste anything. This wine was nice and sweet, he’d actually enjoyed it. He raised the bottle to his lips, and finished off what was left; maybe the taste would linger and Jesus could enjoy it in a different way.
Judas sighed, and leant against the tree. He was excited for Jesus and Mary. They’d wanted this for a while. And if they made each other happy with that act, then… he was happy. But with that came a little melancholy; he wouldn’t be there for that first in their relationship. He knew he wouldn’t have been comfortable, even if he was just there, not doing anything beyond the usual boundary he had set. But he still wanted something like it. He was just struggling to work out what .
How was it possible to feel two completely contrasting emotions at once?
“Judas, are you alright?” came a voice.
Anne was a few metres away, a fussing Judith on her hip.
“Oh, Anne. Hi. Yes, yes. I’m fine,” Judas replied and pushed himself off the trunk.
“You looked very deep in thought,” Anne remarked. “Just wanted to make sure.”
Judas nodded. “I’m alright. Much to think about, with the Ministry starting back up soon, and Jesus’ birthday, and supplies to organise.”
“Jesus’ birthday?” Anne asked. “Is that today?”
“It is.”
“How lovely,” Anne said. “I thought I saw him and Mary just now, but Judith was having a bit of a tantrum. You’ll have to pass on my well-wishes. Any celebratory plans?”
“We just had a nice lunch together. He and Mary are, um, doing their own thing, for a moment,” Judas said awkwardly.
“Not you?”
Judas shook his head, hand subconsciously resting on his hamsa. “Not my kind of thing. It’s alright.”
“Ah. Well, is helping me entertain this little one your thing?” Anne asked. “We like to walk amongst the trees when she’s got too much energy.”
“Uh, I’m not sure. I haven’t spent much time around children,” Judas mumbled.
Anne smiled. “Judith can help you practise, then. She’s at that age where she’s wanting to walk and talk now,” she said to Judas, before turning her attention to the still-fussing child. “Alright, I’ll put you down.”
Judith giggled the moment her little feet touched the ground, then promptly sat down and grabbed a leaf in her hand. Anne and Judas followed suit. Judith pointed at Anne, a gummy grin stretched across her features. “Ma!” she said proudly, and Judas couldn’t help but smile.
“She doesn’t know many words, but that’s one of her favourites,” Anne laughed. “I was very lucky to be blessed with her. But she’s a handful.”
Judith tried to shove the leaf into her mouth. “Ah, don’t do that,” Anne said gently, moving her daughter’s hand away.
“I don’t think that would taste very good,” Judas said to Judith. She pouted at him.
“I have a little bit of bread actually, if she’d like that?” he suggested to Anne.
“Oh, she would, if you don’t mind!” Anne said, and Judas dug out the small loaf. “Is this okay?” he asked.
Anne nodded. “Judith! Look what Judas has! Do you want something to eat?”
The little girl looked up from her own hands, and Judas held out the bread. Judith’s eyes lit up. “Eee?” she babbled.
“Yes, eat!” Anne encouraged, and Judith began to crawl.
“She’s fast,” Judas muttered, as within a few short moments, a head full of black hair was right in front of him, chubby hand outstretched towards the bread.
“Say ‘thank you’ to Judas,” Anne said.
Judith looked up at Judas; his brown eyes met her hazel ones, an adorable little twinkle shining in them. “Ta!” she giggled. Judith happily shoved as much of the bread in her mouth as she could, and sank to the ground, leaning right against Judas.
“She is gorgeous,” he told Anne.
“Do you want children?” Anne asked quietly.
“It’s something I can half-envisage in my future,” Judas admitted. “But I don’t want to have one.”
“I can understand that. I imagine it would be quite complicated in multiple regards for you,” Anne said.
“Love is complicated,” Judas shrugged. “So we’ll see where things go, I suppose.”
Anne nodded. “You still have plenty of life ahead of you, Judas.”
Judith turned around to face him, mushy bread smeared all over her face. “Ju!” she cooed.
“Ju? Yes, your name is Judith,” he told her.
She pointed at him with her messy hand. “Ju!” she repeated.
“Oh,” Judas exhaled.
“That’s Judas, yes!” Anne beamed.
…
Judas stayed with Anne and Judith until the sun started to set. He promised to visit in a few days, and to bring Mary and Jesus with him, so Judith could show off the new ‘word’ she had learnt.
His heart felt full as he made his way back to the little house. Spending time with Anne and Judith had helped elevate some of the anxiety he had been feeling. Now, all he wanted was to be where he belonged.