Work Text:
The morning started like any other: Lu Guang sipping his tea in quiet bliss, working something on her computer.Cheng Xiaoshi yelling about a missing a pair of sock,where he throw it away somewhere in the house.
Peaceful. Normal.Predictable.
Until Lu Guang knocked Cheng Xiaoshi’s favorite—and very expensive—camera lens off the table while reaching for a cookie.
The shattering sound was the kind that made your soul momentarily leave your body.
Lu Guang froze. Cheng Xiaoshi, who had just walked into the room with his hair still dripping from the shower, stopped mid-step.
Their eyes met.
The lens lay in artistic shards on the floor like modern art gone terribly wrong.
“…That was the limited-edition 85mm I saved for three months for,” Cheng Xiaoshi whispered, hands trembling, towel slipping off his shoulder.
Lu Guang, to his credit, tried. “I… can glue it?”
Cheng Xiaoshi let out a long, theatrical gasp. “GLUE IT?!”
Twenty minutes and one tantrum later, Lu Guang was sitting on a stool in the studio, arms folded, a massive cardboard sign hanging around his neck with a poorly drawn angry cat and the words:
‘FERAL WHITE CAT BEING PUNISHED’
The sign swayed slightly every time he blinked.
“Does this truly bring you joy?” Lu Guang deadpanned.
Cheng Xiaoshi circled him, arms behind his back like a stern general. “It is justice.”
Lu Guang flicked his tail—er, his ponytail—sarcastically. “I thought we believed in forgiveness.”
“We do. After public humiliation.”
Lu Guang narrowed his eyes. “You’re enjoying this too much.”
“I picked the stray cat,named the stray cat. That’s you now. White. Angry. Breaks things.”
Just then, the studio door swung open, and in strolled Qiao Ling with an envelope in her hand and a suspicious look.
“Guys!there a new jo-”Her words die mid-sentence.
She stopped.
Stared.
Read the sign.
Snorted so hard she almost dropped the envelope.
“Please tell me this is a kink thing so I can walk back out and bleach my eyes.”
“It’s punishment,” Cheng Xiaoshi declared proudly, puffing his chest. “For the lens he murdered.”
Lu Guang glared at her with the resigned deadness of a man who’s accepted defeat. “Call the police. I’m being oppressed.”
Qiao Ling cackled, tossed the envelope at Cheng Xiaoshi, and snapped a photo with her phone before either of them could stop her. “I'm not expecting to see Lu Guang in this condition one day.I DEFINITELY SHOWING THIS TO,XU SHANSHAN!”
Lu Guang buried his face in his hands. “I should’ve just let you eat the cookie.”
“AND THERE WAS A COOKIE INVOLVED?!” Cheng Xiaoshi wailed. “YOU BROKE MY LENS FOR A SNACK?!”
“It was oatmeal raisin. I misjudged the worth.”
“Oh, now he admits it wasn’t even worth it!”
Qiao Ling walked off, muttering something about “children with cameras,” while the punished feral cat sat on his stool, cardboard swinging, dignity in ruins—and maybe just the tiniest twitch of a smile on his lips as Cheng Xiaoshi dramatically paced like an old-timey movie villain.
Because if he was being honest…
It was kinda worth it.
[BONUS](CHENG XIAOSHI TANTRUM SCENE)
The exact moment Cheng Xiaoshi laid eyes on the shattered lens, the air changed.
Lu Guang, still frozen at the table with hand reaching for cookie, braced himself.
Cheng Xiaoshi’s mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
Then—
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
He dropped to his knees in slow motion, arms raised to the heavens as if he were mourning a fallen comrade.
Lu Guang sigh.Acting like it not his fault“you act like someone dying.”
“My lens died!My freaking expensive lens!” Cheng Xiaoshi cried, cradling the broken glass like a wounded child. “She was so young… so crisp… so FOCUSED!”
Lu Guang rubbed his temples. “You’re not helping anything.”
“You’re not helping by breaking expensive things with your stupid elbow!” Cheng Xiaoshi snapped, clutching the pieces of his photographic soulmate to his chest.
“It not my fault that you place it here” Lu Guang said flatly.
Cheng Xiaoshi pointed at Lu Guang dramatically. “You! You owe me three months of ramen, two skipped concerts, and one illegal auction in a shady camera group chat!”
“I said I’ll pay for it—”
“NO!” Cheng Xiaoshi stood, shaking with unspent rage. “This calls for justice. Not just a ‘sorry,’ not just money… this calls for theatrical, public humiliation!”
Lu Guang stared. “You’re spiraling.”
“You’re spiraling!” Cheng Xiaoshi snapped. “Into criminal behavior! You’re a repeat offender! I’ve seen how you treat my light stands!”
“I breathed near one and it fell over.”
“It sensed your destructive aura!You broke every equipment I had in this studio!”
Lu Guang said flatly“It not my fault all your equipment is fragile“
Cheng Xiaoshi groan more“you,you can't keep your hand to yourself!Just like a cat!”
Cheng Xiaoshi suddenly got an idea and immediately marched off to their bedroom upstairs, returning with a massive cardboard sheet, scissors, and a marker. He slammed them onto the table like a mad inventor. “I’m making a sign.”
Lu Guang blinked. “A what?”
“A sign. One you’ll wear. Around your neck. In shame.”
“You’re joking.”
Cheng Xiaoshi scribbled furiously, tongue poking from the corner of his mouth like a five-year-old drawing revenge. “Nope. You will become what you truly are.I pick you up,I raise you,now it time to show you who the boss.”
He held up the final creation: a lopsided piece of cardboard with an angry doodle cat and the words in thick black marker:
‘FERAL WHITE CAT BEING PUNISHED’
Lu Guang pause and look at the sign, confused.“Where did the cat part come from?”
Cheng Xiaoshi start counting on his finger. “you're pale.you're grumpy.You hisses when touched.And!you can't keep your hand to yourself when I said no.So don’t question my art.”
Lu Guang squinted at it. “…I hate how accurate that is now.”
Cheng Xiaoshi approached like a chaotic camp counselor and looped the string over Lu Guang’s head.
“There. Balance is restored.”
Lu Guang sighed in defeated.“Your'e lucky I'm not in the mood to scratch you right now”
And that when the moment,the front door swing open and Qiao Ling walk in.