Chapter Text
Ted felt his tongue peek out the corner of his mouth, as he oh so carefully carried Trent’s teapot into the living room.
He didn’t usually cradle it like a newborn, but Ted was honestly afraid that Trent would start crying if he dropped it on today of all days.
Trent had stalked off to the upstairs bathroom, Ted at first waiting for him to return so he could ask what was going on, but Trent didn’t come back, Ted’s mild discontent turning to genuine worry.
Which was why he had decked out the couch table with its current setup.
Ted carefully placed the tea pot, the steaming hot ceramic the last brushstroke on his masterpiece.
He had made the ultimate talk support table, a bottle of whiskey and tequila right next to the opened red wine, Ted finding all of the corresponding glasses. He had made tea and coffee and poured a jug of water. He had even found two protein bars and a packet of chips.
Ted hoped it wouldn’t be necessary, but he expected that the bottle of tequila would come in handy, Trent a master at evading questions and subjects he didn’t want to discuss, but Ted was determined that they’d talk, that he’d find out what was going on with his boyfriend.
“What’s this?”
Ted turned, Trent standing at the bottom of the stairs. He had put his hair up in a bun, and changed his shirt, Ted’s stomach clenching at the change of wardrobe.
Trent had obviously skulked off to the bathroom to splash water on his face, Ted sure his neck would be damp if he checked it, the calm down technique one he knew intimately well.
“I made you,” Ted took a step to the side, gesturing to the table, “an assortment of verbal lubricants.”
Trent blinked, his mouth falling open. His eyes narrowed, and Ted was this close to squirming, when Trent’s nostrils flared. “Lubricants?”
“Tada!” Ted couldn’t help but do jazz hands, Trent’s eyes widening, Ted sure he would enjoy Trent’s face journey under any other circumstances, Trent visiting every square inch of the feelings wheel.
“Why did you-“
“Come sit.” Ted dumped down on the couch, padding the cushion next to him, but Trent didn’t move.
Ted tried to wait it out, but he was bubbling with anticipation and anxiety and worry, and Trent was just watching him.
“You’re acting like I’m about to take you to the vet.”
Ted took a moment to imagine Trent in a giant carrier case. He’d be hopping mad, hissing and spitting all over the place, like an angry little kitten, Ted beyond amused at the idea.
“I don’t understand what’s going on”
“Well, we obviously needa talk, so I’m trying to make it as painless as possible.”
“By providing tequila?” Trent’s nose wrinkled with disdain, Ted reminded of how adorable Trent could be when he was grumpy.
“My Ubereats isn’t here yet with the vanilla vodka.”
Ted had meant it as a joke, meant to lighten the mood by reminding Trent of how their last big conversation had only really happened because of alcohol, but instead of smiling, or rolling his eyes, or calling Ted Theodore, Trent winched, hurt flashing across his face.
It was the last reaction Ted expected, and it confirmed to him that something was really, truly, wrong.
“Trent.” Ted lowered his voice, softening it too, “Please. Talk to me.”
Trent took a step, but stopped.
“Baby.”
“Don’t call me that.” Trent didn’t exactly snap, but he sounded rattled and unsure, an unsure Trent Crimm as fundamentally wrong as if the sun decided to rise in the west.
“See!” Ted gestured to Trent with both hands, “This is exactly what I mean. Something has to be wrong. You usually love it” okay, maybe, Trent loved it like, 80% of the time, “when I call you my baby girl, or boy, or-“
“Ted-“ Trent groaned, annoyance inching into his voice, but Ted wasn’t afraid of that, Trent’s irritation as familiar and comforting to him as a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter day. “Please-“
“Can’t you see that we’re all outta whack?” Ted knew he had a pleading note to his voice, but he didn’t mind begging if that was what was needed. “We’re not on the same page, and I may be a coward when it comes to ripping the bandaid off with Michelle, but I can’t risk our talking wound getting infected-“
“Urgh,” Trent made a disgruntled noise, “Why would you pick that as your metaphor?”
Ted knew Trent was trying to lure him in, to tempt him into getting sidetracked, but it was like Ted had resurfaced after being stuck underwater for way too long, like he was seeing clearly for the first time in…
Well, months.
“You’re too important to me Trent, and I love you,” Ted put as much conviction into it as he could, his love for Trent practically burning in his chest as it gave him courage, “and something is clearly wrong, so pick your lube.”
Trent huffed, but he also came over to sit down, Ted noticing with a hint of satisfaction that Trent had indeed splashed water on his face, the little baby hairs around his ear all damp.
He waited, but Trent didn’t reach for any of the offerings on the table, Trent apparently more than content to just watch Ted, to look at him and wait him out.
“Any day now.” Ted had the capacity to be patient, but he also knew that he didn’t stand a chance against Trent.
“I’ll have a cup of tea.”
“Good.” Ted grabbed the tea pot, carefully lifting it up. He has left the tea bags in, Ted throwing a handful in there, but that shouldn’t be a problem. “With or without whiskey?”
“Without, you heathen.”
“Fair enough.” Ted smiled, something settling inside of him as he poured a cup. He shouldn’t be thrilled about Trent calling him a heathen, but Trent managed to make idiot sound like a term of endearment, the banter as important to their relationship as their kisses.
“Here.” Ted handed Trent the cup, Ted making himself a triple whiskey. He heard Trent wince when he tasted the tea, Ted unsure if he should have brought sugar, but he wasn’t going to get off of the couch and risk Trent running off.
Physically or metaphorically.
Ted moved so he had his back against the armrest, one leg up on the couch, the whiskey in his hand. “What’s going on with you Trent?”
“That is a very broad yet direct question.”
Ted wanted to kiss Trent, his boyfriend so smart and philosophical, but now wasn’t the time, Ted sure Trent knew what he was doing.
“You’re wiggling.”
“I’m not wiggling.” Trent wrinkled his nose again, but Ted was like a dog with a bone.
“What are you avoiding?”
“In general?”
“Trent.” Ted didn’t whine, but it was a damned near thing, Trent infuriating.
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want to have a conversation about why your face does what it literally just did, the-“ Ted did his best to copy the flash of hurt, the sharp intake of breath, and he immediately saw it come across Trent’s features.
“There!” Ted pointed at Trent, “There, right there! That one!”
“I-“ Trent blinked, unable to hide it, Ted’s heart aching with the discomfort and pain on Trent’s beautiful face.
“Please Trent. Talk to me.”
Trent put his teacup down, his arms crossing as he leaned back, Trent against the armrest too.
Ted knew he should consider it a victory that Trent hadn’t left, that he was still there, but Ted could feel his own anxiety rise, fear prickling under his skin.
This wasn’t about him though. Couldn’t be about him, so Ted made a rash decision.
“We’re doing a shot.” He put his glass down, the cap off the bottle before Trent could protest.
“Ted-“
Ted poured two shot glasses full.
“I don’t want-“
“You-“ Ted didn’t bother putting the cap back on, “are doing this.” Ted grabbed the glasses, holding them out. “You want left or right?”
“Neither.”
“Trent, we have to talk about what’s going on, and if we can’t do it sober, we have to do it drunk.”
“You’re insane.”
“Insane about you.” Ted smiled, “Here.” Ted handed Trent the right glass, Trent thankfully taking it. “Now drink it.”
“Or you’ll pull my pigtail?” Trent’s voice was filled with sarcasm, but Ted could hear the hesitation, the want to give in, the need for this conversation to happen, so he continued to push.
“Take the shot Trent.”
“Fine!” Trent growled, but did as Ted said, throwing his head back as he dunked the shot, Ted following right behind him.
“Wowza!” Ted shook his head. “Uh that burns!”
“One more!” Ted grabbed the bottle, and poured for both of them.
“Cheers!” He knocked it back before Trent could protest. Ted had done several shots earlier in the week, Beard somehow demolishing him in Smash Bros, but Ted didn’t remember it being this bad.
“It is,” Trent wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, Trent taking the second shot too, “distinctly unpleasant,” he put his glass down, Ted doing the same thing. “Makes you wish for the vodka.”
“Why were you making that face Trent?”
“Now I really wish we had the vodka.” Trent crossed his arms once more, but he met Ted’s eyes, his gaze hard and a little mean, which was what Ted needed.
“Answer my question.”
“You shouldn’t have to concern yourself with me and my issues Ted.”
Ted wanted to tackle Trent, wanted to wrestle him and bite him and hold him down and make him understand that he was being an idiot, that he couldn’t escape, that Ted wasn’t going to let this go, that they’d figure this out together.
"I want to concern myself with you, you're my concern. I love you.”
“You have more important things to-“ Trent had pulled his leg up, hugging it to his chest.
“I don’t.”
“You do Ted, and that’s okay,” Trent said it like it was a fact, “I don’t need to be-“
Trent cut himself off, the flash of hurt there again, Ted’s heart skipping a beat at how vulnerable, how raw and broken Trent looked.
“You don’t need to be what?”
“Don’t make me say what we both know.” Trent spoke so softly Ted could barely hear him.
“I don’t know what you know, and I don’t think you know anything about what I think that you think that we have apparently agreed on.”
“What?” Trent blinked, the alcohol clearly getting to him, “I don’t-“
“You know, that I know-“ Ted tried to remember what he had just said, but he felt warm and loose.
“Ted, I was on my second glass of wine when you came home, can we speak plainly-“
“Right.” Ted clicked his tongue. “Right right right. Let me do one more, so we’re on the same level-“
Ted reached for the bottle again, but Trent snatched it before he could get it.
“Ted!” Trent sounded genuinely outraged. “You have work tomorrow. The squad needs you-“
“Screw the squad.”
“Ted!” Trent somehow sounded even more outraged, his eyes wide, “you take that back-“
“No. Not when something is going on with you- I don’t care about work tomorrow-“
Ted would quit his job if it meant that Trent didn’t look so hurt, if he could understand what was happening-
“You need to-“
“And I especially don’t care, when I should have noticed that you’re not okay-“
“Don’t blame yourself-“ Trent gasped, eyes going wide, Ted almost fistpumping, Trent finally tripping up.
“So something is going on?”
“No, yes. No, it’s-“ Trent looked kind of desperate. “Listen, Ted, you’ve been incredibly busy, and I understand that. I know what I agreed to when I tried to woo you-“
“Awh.” Ted almost put a hand on his heart, Trent’s choice of word making him ache with affection and love, Trent the most perfect- Wait. Ted paused, Trent’s words fully registering.
“Wait.” Ted went up on his knees, balancing on the couch, Ted on the middle cushion while Trent was trapped in the corner. “Wait wait wait. Know what you agreed to? Know what you agreed to what?”
“You’re a Premier League gaffer Ted. It’s a demanding career that requires certain sacrifices. It’s inevitable that you’d have to shift focus for extended periods of time-“
It was incredible how Trent somehow managed to become even more eloquent when he was under the influence, Ted working hard to keep up with his convoluted sentences.
“and as your partner, it’s expected that I-“
“It’s expected that you what?” Ted felt his stomach clench, his chest tight.
“Take a step back, remember my priority in your life-“
Ted felt like he had been stabbed with a knife.
“I’ve signed up for this Ted, I gave my consent, I know my place, I just forgot momentarily, but I’m finding my way back-“
Ted swore he could feel the blood gushing out of him.
“I just need time to adjust. I understand why you do what you do-“
Ted had never felt this guilty in his entire life, not around Michelle, not around Henry, hell, he didn’t even feel this guilty around his Mama.
“Am I neglecting you?” Ted almost couldn’t say the word.
“Don’t be so dramatic.” Trent scoffed. “You’re not neglecting me.”
“But I am.” Ted wanted to travel back in time, and punch himself in the face, or maybe the dick. At the very least, he deserved to get shaken violently, Trent finally honest with him.
“You’re not. I have simply been mismanaging my emotions, and placed unfair expectations on you-“
“This is so much worse than I thought.”
Ted knew he hadn’t been as attentive to Trent as he probably should, that life has thrown so many obstacles at him that he had been running from one fire to the next, trying to put them out before they could spread.
“It’s not. It’s not Ted, I just need- I’m still recalibrating, and I just-“
Ted had felt like he had been drowning since December, Trent the raft that had kept him afloat, but maybe, he had been pulling Trent under water too with all lf his fucked up bullshit.
“Recalibrating what?”
“Ted-“ Trent sounded so small, and he was so obviously uncomfortable, but Ted had to push, had to get to the bottom of this mess.
“Recalibraring what?”
“My idea of my place in your life.”
Ted hadn’t just been stabbed. He had been shot.
“What?” Ted nearly choked on the word, but he had to get it out, had to hold it together.
“It’s stupid, I’m stupid-“
“You’re not stupid-“ Trent should never be allowed to call himself stupid, Trent the smartest, most-
“I should have figured it out on my own, and I-“
“Trent-“ Ted didn’t feel the telltale signs of a panic attack, but he did feel like he was stuck in molasses, Trent so obviously hurt, and it was all Ted’s fault.
“Don’t force me to talk about this Ted.” Trent looked directly at Ted, Ted thrown off by the fact that Trent was still wearing his glasses, that he hadn’t taken them off yet. “I’ll figure it out, I’ll be good, I’ll be worth keeping, just, give me a chance-“
At the word keeping, Ted felt a memory force itself into his head. Trent had said the exact same thing back in November, when he had come into the office, all frantic and panicked after Roy had shared his email, Trent begging Ted to keep him.
“You said that before.” Ted hadn’t put note on it back then, had thought it was just Trent freaking out and blabbering, but maybe- “Do you not think you’re worth keeping?”
Trent looked down, and Ted felt his heart break apart.
“Baby-“ Ted reached out, touching Trent’s arm, moving closer-
“Don’t-“ Trent had pulled into himself, his shoulders hunched, “You don’t need my difficulties on your plate-“
“So you do have difficulties?” Ted could keep this all together, could get the answers he needed out of Trent.
“I have consequences of actions that I willingly took.”
“Really?” Ted groaned, Trent infuriating. “How does anyone ever argue with you? You’re harder to get an answer out of than a politician.”
“I want it noted that I take great offense to that.” The words sounded like Trent, but the body language was all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
“You’re slithering away again.”
“I don’t need-“ Trent looked up, his tone harsh and sharp, his words loaded with steel, “to be humiliated.”
“Who’s humiliating you?”
Trent’s eyes widened, a sharp intake of breath betraying that Trent had said something he hadn’t meant to, that he had miscalculated his words.
“Trent.”
Ted had to know, had to find out why Trent felt humiliated.
“Trent.”
Trent didn’t reply, but he didn’t look away either, their eyes locked together, and slowly, way too slowly, Ted always too slow, he managed to put it together.
“No…”
He was the reason Trent felt humiliated, and Ted wanted to die.
~~~
“Ted.” Trent knew his voice broke before he could finish saying Ted’s name, but he hated everything that he had just shared.
Everything he had been forced to confess.
He hated this conversation, hated the look on Ted’s face, hated himself, hated the harm he was causing-
“Please.”
Trent wanted to beg for forgiveness, wanted to get on his knees and plead for Ted to forget what he had said, wanted all of this to have never happened.
Wanted them to go back to what they were, to a time where Trent hadn’t admitted his greatest failure.
“I’m sorry.”
He shouldn’t have said that Ted made him feel humiliated, shouldn’t have shared it even if it was the truth, all of this a terrible mistake.
“I’m so sorry-“
Trent moved, no longer able to stomach sitting on the couch, getting up since being on Ted’s level was not something he deserved.
Ted didn’t fully react, his face still slack, eyes still wide.
Trent wanted to run, wanted to leave, wanted to disappear, but he couldn’t.
Not if it meant abandoning Ted.
Trent knew he had to look stupid standing up, that he was hovering by the couch, but he couldn’t sit anymore.
“Trent-“ Ted reached out, Trent folding under the unmistakable hurt in Ted’s voice, his need for distance melting away at Ted’s obvious need for contact.
“Ted,” Trent tried to keep himself under control.
“I’m here.” He took a step forward, allowing Ted to hook two fingers in his empty belt hoop. “I shouldn’t have said any of that-“
Trent reached out, gently, oh so gently, running his fingers through Ted’s hair.
“It’s all my fault-“
“How,” Ted looked up at him, brown eyes so gigantic Trent felt like he could drown in them, “can it be your fault that I make you feel humiliated?”
“That’s not-“ Trent swallowed, Trent throwing his own words back at him downright painful.
He never should have agreed to the tequila, his hands clumsy as he petted Ted.
“It’s okay.”
“How can you say that?”
“I’m just struggling to compartmentalize my emotions-“
“What?” Ted pulled back, tucking Trent with him, Trent’s shins hitting the sofa.
“It means to separate-“
“I know what compartmentalize mean,” Ted’s nostrils flared, “but why would that be necessary-“
Ted’s tone was so serious, so flat. It had been forever since he made a joke, and Trent couldn’t handle the pressure, couldn’t deal with this version of his boyfriend, his Ted barely in there at all.
“I never should have allowed this to be a discussion-“
“Well we’re doing this anyway-“
Ted pulled away fully, and Trent felt like he had been left alone at sea, abandoned and adrift, Ted standing up too.
“Do you think I want to humiliate you?”
“No.” Trent couldn’t look at Ted. He knew Ted didn’t mean to, didn’t intend, but-
“Look at me.”
“No…” Trent was being such a coward, a hypocrite, a failure, but he couldn’t-
“Tell me the truth.”
“You don’t intend to,” Ted had shed his shoes at some point, Trent noting that there was the beginning of a hole by his big toe, Trent making a mental note that he needed to go through Ted’s socks soon, “That’s what counts-“
“That’s what counts?”
Ted sounded… Almost angry, but Trent couldn’t look up, his shoulders locked, his stomach molten lava.
He felt like a child.
A stupid, helpless little child.
“You’re not responsible for my reactions-“
“That’s such a load of baloney.” Ted moved forward, and Trent moved back, keeping the distance between them, an actual whimper falling from his lips, memories resurfacing in a way they had never done around Ted before.
Trent had acted on instinct, on core experiences, and right now, they were telling him that no man, not even Ted, was safe.
He knew Ted wouldn’t hurt him, knew he’d never do something so cruel, but Trent…
Trent was scared.
“Trent-“ Ted sounded so hurt that Trent had to look up, that he had to check if Ted was okay, but he never should have done that.
Ted looked devastated, his eyes filled with so much pain that Trent was surprised he hadn’t had a panic attack yet, or ran away.
That he was trying to reason, to talk, instead of flipping into fight and flight.
“Tell me what I’m-“
“No.” Trent shook his head. He couldn’t do that to Ted, couldn’t hurt him more than he already had, Trent for once unsure if he was the one who was about to have the panic attack.
He could definitely feel his hands shake, the alcohol threatening to make a reappearance, bile in his throat.
“Don’t say no.”
“Ted,” Trent summoned all of the courage he could, using the love he had for Ted to keep it together long enough to look at his boyfriend, a pleading tone in his own voice as he finally managed to open his mouth- “talking about this isn’t fair to you-“
“Tell me,” Ted had a level of steel in his voice that Trent barely recognised, “how I humiliate you.”
Trent felt like he had been slapped, all of his effort for naught.
“Tell me how-“
“I need some water.”
Trent turned on his heels, ignoring the jug on the table. He stalked into the kitchen, grabbing the first glass he saw which was the wine glass from earlier, turning on the tap as he heard Ted follow him.
“Trent-“
Ted sounded desperate, and Trent hated himself, hated how he was doing this to Ted, hated how Ted couldn’t just leave him alone.
He raised the glass to his lips, gulping down the water, the lukewarm liquid not helping at all.
Trent swallowed the last of it, but as soon as he had done that, he felt Ted reach past him, his boyfriend turning off the water.
“Tell me-“ They were standing so close, chest to chest, Ted’s nose practically touching Trent’s. “How I humiliate you.”
Trent didn’t mean to, but he felt a flash of anger, his temper flaring, Ted hunting him like he was an animal.
“You’re doing it right now!” Trent dropped the glass into the sink, the thing thankfully not shattering as he stepped back, Ted all up in his space, in his feelings, in his stupid, selfish, cowardly-
“… What?”
“You’re hounding me!” Trent didn’t want to raise his voice, but he was at his wits ends, “You’re forcing me to admit that I’m struggling to be content, and it’s not-“
He didn’t want to cry. He refused to cry. He wasn’t a person that cried.
“I’m trying so hard, and you can’t even allow me the dignity of suffering in silence-“
“You’re suffering?”
Trent couldn’t look at Ted, Ted so vulnerable and raw, Trent sure he was broken apart, and it was his fault.
All of this was his fault.
“I’m managing.” Trent knew he was pathetic, that he should be able to do this on his own, “I’ll find a way, just, please- Leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that-“
“All I’m asking for is time-“
Trent knew Ted loved him, knew Ted loved him so much, so Trent just needed time to soothe his hurt feelings, needed time to let his heart know where in the hierarchy that it belonged, needed time to deal with the consequences of his stupid financial decision.
He could do all of that, if Ted would just leave him alone.
“I don’t understand.”
Trent could hear that Ted was suffering, and if Ted would just stop talking about Trent, he could help him.
He could soothe his hurt, could take care of Ted, could make him feel okay as soon as he got his own emotions sorted out.
“I’ll get it under control Ted-“
“Get what under control?”
“I know you’re doing everything you can-“
“No, try again. Tell me the truth.”
Trent wanted to cry, Ted making him feel so small and useless and worthless.
“Trent-“
Trent knew he had to reply, knew that he had to say something, anything, to make Ted back off.
“Ted, I don’t have to be a priority for you-“
Trent had hoped he had said the right thing, that he had reassured Ted that everything was okay, but instead, he heard Ted say a choked,
“I need to sit down-“
~~~
Ted managed to get down before he fell over, his ears ringing loudly, his limbs all rubbery and bending, his stomach liquid.
He wasn’t about to have a panic attack, but he felt like he was free falling through space, like he had been sucked into the darkness.
“Ted?” Trent had kneeled down in front of him, hands coming to rest on his thighs, fingers squeezing into flesh, ground him, anchoring him to the earth. “You’re okay.”
It was just a whisper, but Ted looked up, looked at his Trent.
His beautiful, perfect, and apparently, broken, Trent.
And it was Ted who had done the breaking.
Trent had stood in front of him, and apologized for the fact that he was struggling.
Had…
Oh God.
Ted was a monster.
“Sssh…” Ted hadn’t even noticed that he had started crying, but Trent was there, carefully wiping his tears away with his hand. “You’re okay.”
“I’m not-“ Ted shook his head. He wasn’t having a panic attack, and Trent shouldn’t-
“What do you need Ted?” Trent’s voice was so gentle, so sweet and kind, and it wasn’t fair.
Ted had been so blind, so… Willfully ignorant, and he didn’t deserve, didn’t-
“I’m going to hug you.”
Ted felt arms come around him, Trent pulling him in and cradling his head against his shoulder, and Ted let out a sob.
It was so unfair that Trent was taking care of him, even now, that he was the one offering Ted comfort when he had-
When he had been nothing less than cruel.
Ted thought he had made Trent a priority, that he had been a good boyfriend, a good partner.
He had come back for Trent, and he wanted to go the distance, wanted to grow old with Trent and share his life with Trent, wanted to wake up next to him and fall asleep cuddled up together.
Ted tried to do the little things, make Trent coffee and keep their house clean, to remember to say I love you and mean it each time he said it.
They had their date nights, and Ted had felt so proud of that, confident in the fact that he took time for his partner, but date night was two Mondays a month, and was that really all that Trent deserved?
Ted had been so caught up in his own shit, in his own exhaustion and pain and worry that he could barely even remember the last time he had paid complete attention to Trent.
“Ted?” Trent whispered in his ear, one hand stroking his back, while the other held his neck. “Nod if you’re okay, just- please- this feels different, and I don’t- I don’t know what’s happening to you, so please, just nod if you can-“
Ted nodded, and Trent tightened his grip, a sigh of relief leaving him.
“Good, good.” Trent pressed his lips against the crown of Ted’s head, giving it a kiss in the same spot he always did. “You’re okay. I’m here.”
Ted couldn’t really see anything, his face squashed against Trent’s neck, Trent keeping him safe, cradling him in his arms.
He had no idea where he had gone, how he had been so blind, but Ted felt like he was seeing Trent clearly for the first time since…
Well, since December.
Since Michelle had called and asked Ted to spend Christmas with her and Henry.
Since Ted had made the decision that it was more important to please Michelle and Henry, than it was to keep his promise to Trent.
He hadn’t meant to be cruel, hadn’t- But he had been cruel.
He had also been so stressed he felt like his head would pop off, but that wasn’t an excuse.
Christmas had worked out, Ted blessed with the memories of holding hands with Trent on Michelle’s couch while Henry opened presents, but that had only come to be a reality because Trent had stepped aside, because he had accepted that Henry needed to come first.
Ted loved that about Trent, loved how he loved their kids, loved how Trent knew that Henry had to take up space, but that didn’t mean-
It didn’t mean that Trent’s needs weren’t important too.
That Trent shouldn’t be a priority.
Ted hated that it had taken him this long to figure out, but he had somehow made the choice to place the needs of his ex wife above what his boyfriend needed, this whole parenting debacle with Michelle taking up so much of his mental real estate that he hadn’t even noticed how much Trent was struggling.
That he hadn’t even noticed how much Trent was hurting.
Hurting because of Ted.
Another round of fresh tears forced their way out of his eyes, and Ted burrowed further down into Trent’s neck, hiding away.
Ted hadn’t even considered January, and then, with Henry’s acting out and everything that had happened in February, he had barely had a moment to breathe-
But that didn’t make his actions okay.
It didn’t excuse how he had put Trent on the backburner, how he had forgotten to cherish one of the most precious things he had.
Ted felt so guilty, so hopelessly ignorant, so undeserving of compassion, and yet…
Trent was there, loving him and caring for him, holding him as he attempted to process the consequences of his actions, to understand the way his carelessness had affected the man he loved.
Ted wanted to say sorry, but it didn’t feel like enough, couldn’t be enough with actions to back it up, so instead, he pressed his lips to Trent’s neck, putting his arms around him too, Trent’s shoulders lovering in relief when Ted gave him a squeeze.
He wasn’t sure how, but Ted was determined that he’d fix this, that he’d be the man Trent deserved, and that Trent would never, ever, ever, ever need to feel humiliated again because of something Ted had said or done.