Actions

Work Header

a buncha crk oneshots that are gay and/or funny

Summary:

im bored, so i made this

enjoy the chaos

Chapter 1: burping lice cookie beefs with overprivileged hooker cookie and gingerbabe witnesses it

Chapter Text

----------

 

 

"Hah! You think you can fell me, puny Cookies?"

 

Gingerbrave was, for the TWENTY-SEVENTH TIME IN A ROW, trying to defeat Burning Spice Cookie, with the rest of his friends. They always kept losing, on account of the fact that they were tiny compared to a LITERAL BEAST COOKIE.

 

As Strawberry Cookie readied herself for the first few blows, Gingerbrave at the front and ready to attack, a tooth-achingly sweet voice echoed around them.

 

"Hmhmhm~... Hello, my darlings... What are you all doing here?"

 

Gingerbrave knew that Cookie. Eternal Sugar Cookie. The one Beast Cookie that offered him and his friends a life of easiness and pleasure. He had always hated her from the start.

 

What he wasn't prepared for... was Burning Spice Cookie's response to Eternal Sugar Cookie suddenly appearing.

 

"What the... WHY ARE YOU HERE?! This isn't one of your little fantasies of you catching 'hopeless and lost Cookies' to take to your little sugar-palooza! This is a BATTLE!"

 

Her response was just as expected.

 

"Whu-?! Burning Spice Cookie, you know that I'm not delusional, correct? I would hardly call this a 'battle'. Just look at the poor things~!"

 

When she flicked her right wing to Gingerbrave and his team, he felt a wave of repulsion flow through him. He and his friends were not weak! They had defeated Mystic Flour Cookie pretty damn easily!

 

"HA! I know that I'll always prevail! But it is always good to see a team that actually has SOME worth. YOU, on the other hand, have no worth."

 

Eternal Sugar Cookie sputtered for a moment, then huffed.

 

"Well-! Excuse you, you pathetic knock-off of Capsaicin Cookie!"

 

Now that was a blow. Burning Spice Cookie had his own ego, and Gingerbrave knew that. If that ego was hurt, whoever hurt it would be hurt next. And his ego was hurt.

 

"...Oh, now you're in for it..."

 

Oh, boy...

 

Burning Spice Cookie set down his weapon on the ground. He cracked his knuckles, and his neck. Eternal Sugar Cookie seemed entirely out-of-place in the entire battlefield.

 

"Whu... ha-! Why, I believe you won't do anything much to m-"

 

"Has anyone ever told you that your wings are tacky?"

 

"...Excuse me?"

 

"You're excused."

 

"EXCUSE YOU?!"

 

"YEAH, BITCH! Here's how this is gonna go! I'm gonna shrink 'ya down to size and put you in your place, you road-blocker!"

 

"If anyone here is big enough to be a road-blocker, it's most certainly you!"

 

"HA! I know for a fact those wings'll clog up any road and street you come across to 'peacefully preach your message about happiness'. Why shouldn't we test it?!"

 

"Burning Spice Cookie, I may not be as fierce as you..-"

 

"YOU DAMN RIGHT! You're a coward! You claim you're a god and yet you force those little angel cookie things to do everything you're supposed to do!"

 

"Hu-?! Well, I never-"

 

"When was the last time 'ya gave those cookies a rest? Oh, right! 200 years ago when you first captured them! I forgot that you're a little SNEAK!"

 

"I'm no sneak! I'm very much passionate about easiness and pleasure, that's all!"

 

"Learn how to fight like a real Beast Cookie, THEN we'll start calling you one. You're a pathetic excuse for a dream-filled, egoistic, sugar-rushed doll."

 

And after his last word, Burning Spice Cookie grabbed his weapon, huffed, and promptly disappeared. That left Eternal Sugar Cookie almost completely GAGGED. So was Gingerbrave and the rest of his team. Finally, the Beast Cookie growled under her breath, and disappeared as well.

 

"...What just happened?"

 

That was Strawberry Cookie's only question. And Gingerbrave just shrugged in response.

 

 

----------